Flirt Tips

By Angela Michaels

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

1

You see these cute guy at the café, uni lounge, mall, disco or the singles bar but they never come over to chat or ask you to dance!! But you see other girls getting ‘hit on’. And some of them are not that hot. In fact they are not hot AT ALL! Your friends all tell you that you are attractive and you think you look pretty hot. But now you are beginning to wonder… “Is there something wrong with me?” Did you know that Attractiveness is not the best predictor for who will be approached - flirting is (Dr M. Moore)

According to Dr Mandy Moore – who has been studying these things for over two decades now – unless a woman “signals” a guy that its OK to approach, then - even if she is attractive - he will not do it. These “signals” are what the rest of us (and Dr Moore, for that matter) call “flirting”! Here are some of the flirting actions that have proven to get males to “hit on” a gal 100% of the time!! By the way – before I get to that – when they did this research, Dr Moore set the “time of response” at 15 seconds!! That meant that a guy had to respond to a “signal” (ie flirt action) within FIFTEEN SECONDS for it to be counted as a response. Whew! That’s a pretty impressive response, don’t you think!

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

2

In other words, an action is regarded as flirting ONLY if it gets a response from a guy so that he approaches the gal within 15 seconds of the flirt action. So the flirt tips listed here have passed the FIFTEEN SECOND TEST set by Dr Moore in her experiments.. But wait, there’s more (excuse the pun!!) Dr Moore argued that if these flirt tips were actually succeeding in getting guys to “hit on” a woman then an independent observer would be able to predict when a woman would be approached simply by observing whether she was doing any of these particular flirt actions. RESULTS? They were able to predict when a woman would be approached 100% of the time. When women used these flirt actions they were always approached by at least one guy in the room. They were not as successful predicting when a woman would not be approached – and you will see the reason for that soon. But they were successful 80% of the time. When women were NOT using these flirting actions they were not approached 80% of the time!! So USE THESE FLIRT TIPS DON’T USE

→

→

GUY WILL APPROACH (100% SUCCESS)

GUYS WILL NOT APPROACH (80% SUCCESS) So BEWARE

If you use these tricks you will get guys hitting on you – so you will also need to know how to send out “rejection signals” to discourage the ones you don’t want. These are considered in the last section – along with some information about the value of “beta orbiters” which may make you think twice

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

3

about discouraging some of the “unwanted” male attention that these flirting tips might bring.)

So what are these amazing FLIRT actions that make men “hit on” a woman? Remember, these flirting tricks work regardless of how attractive a woman is. What we found is that a high-signaling but less attractive woman will be far more successful than a low signaling but very attractive woman (Dr M. Moore)

In normal English that means that you don’t have to be attractive to get men interested. In fact, if you are an attractive woman but don’t tend to use these flirt actions then you are unlikely to be approached by any man. By using the right flirt actions you can get men to approach regardless of how attractive you are. Of course, attractive women who use these flirt tips will have even more success. When you read How To Tell Which Guys Make Great Mates, you will find out why guys behave this way. It actually makes a lot of sense once you understand what really drives guy to do the things that they do. OK. What we need to know is : What are the flirting tricks that women can use to get men to approach 100% of the time? Dr Moore has actually recorded over 50 of these. A dozen of the most successful are illustrated in the following pages. NB: 1. To keep it easy the term hit on is used to mean “approached by a guy(s)” 2. We have used attractive models to illustrate the flirt actions that are successful at getting guys to act. But remember:

attractiveness is not necessary, flirting is Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

4

♥

The “room-encompassing glance” was used by 80% of the women who were then hit on (remember, within 15 secs). It’s that simple to get guys to approach? Well, maybe! Because it turns out that 60% of women who did not get “hit on” also “glance around the room”. So the “room-encompassing glance” (don’t you just love how researchers talk?) is not enough. It helps but there needs to be more. What else works is covered over the next few illustrations. Being able to put these flirt actions together in a way that works is part of the skill to be revealed. We’ll come back to that at the end.

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

5

♥

For the research, any smile was recorded as a smile. The smile was used by 70% of women who were hit on and by NONE of the women who were not hit on. Smile =
No smile = r

♥

The hair flip was used by 90% of the women who were hit on. This was the one flirt action used by almost every woman who was then hit on by a guy.

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

6

♥ Leaning toward a guy was used by 50% of the women that were then hit on. The “lean” was not used at all by women who were not hit on. So.. Lean =
No lean = r

♥ The researchers call this a “neck presentation” It got used by 60% of the women that were hit on. The neck display was not used at all by women who were not hit on. So.. Neck display =
No Neck display = r

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

7

♥ Remember Cameron Diaz in Charlie’s Angels? If you haven’t seen it – hire the movie just to watch this scene – it’s a proven strategy!

This flirt action was observed to be used by 40 % of women who were hit on.

♥

Being a lone dancer was used by women who were hit on only 20% of the time. All the same it was not used at all by women who were not hit on.

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

8

♥ The fixed, direct gaze was used by 40% of women who were observed to be then hit on by guys within 15 secs.

♥ All of the flirt actions illustrated in the following pages were recorded by the researchers as successful for getting guys to approach – but there is no stats on just how often they are used.

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

9

♥

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

10

♥

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

11

♥

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

12

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER The following table summarizes the findings of some of the research into women’s flirting behavior and its success in getting men to approach.

Behavior Room-encompassing glance Hair flip Smile Neck presentation Lean toward a guy Head nod Head toss Gaze fixate Solitary dance

Used by Women who were “hit on” %

Used by Women who were not “hit on” %

80% 90% 70% 60% 50% 40% 40% 40% 20%

60% 40% 0 0 0 0 30% 20% 0

Adapted from: Source: Moore, M, M. & Butler, D. I., Predictive aspects of nonverbal courtship behavior in women

Note that some of the successful flirt actions are also used by women who do not get “hit on” and who are regarded as not seeking to be approached. Typically, they will be focused on other activities – such as talking to other girl friends, reading, listening to music etc.. But “hair flip” IS used by 9 out of 10 women who get hit on! “room-encompassing glance” is used by 8 out of 10 women who get hit on. So these are clearly important parts of the flirt tool-kit. But you must add one or more (but NOT ALL) of the other flirt actions if you are to get the results you seek. NB You can now see one reason why guys who are maybe not that socially clued-in may occasionally approach women who are not seeking to be approached.

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

13

They are attracted by the hair flip and/or the roaming glance that women in all situations may still occasionally do. And they not noticing the lack of other important flirt actions. Using these flirt tricks a woman can either: ♥ Encourage a high number of guys to approach ♥ Direct her flirting to a particular guy

♥ The research we relied on to put these top flirt tips together shows that typically, several flirt actions are used together. Crunching the numbers in the table you will see that common combinations would be, for example: ♥ room glance + hair flip + smile; or, ♥ hair flip + smile + head nod Others could be:

direct gaze + hair stroke + neck display

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

14

neck display + hair toss + smile

These flirt actions draw men like moths to a flame, and within 15 seconds!

Final Observations Flirting works. Men will approach women who act in the ways illustrated by the models in the previous pages. Not all of the approaches will be welcome! Some of the men who seek you out will not be attractive to you. This means that you may need to develop some methods for discouraging the very men that you hve just been attracting. But before you do that consider the following-

BENEFITS OF HAVING BETA ORBITERS A beta orbiter is described in one PUA forum as a: "nice guy" who makes himself too available for an ..female … in the vain hope that she will reward him with sexual favors. She has other orbiters too, probably. She will enjoy talking to you but she will enjoy fucking someone else.” (PUA= Pick Up – or seduction – Artist). A beta-orbiter is a male who will hang around a woman but who has little prospect of ever attracting her. It may even be that in the

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

15

beginning the woman was interested in him. But because of his actions she lost attraction for him and it is now unlikely that she well ever be interested again. In fact, the very fact that he is willing to be a betaorbiter (there for her whenever she wants him to be, basically), means that he will never get her attraction. So, before you consider rejection, consider: Beta orbiters are useful to have around. Beta orbiters can be useful because:  They can form part of your defense system that protects you from predatory males. Not to stand up to them - a beta orbiter is a beta male and will not be able to effectively fight off an aggressive male. But to warn you of a predatory male’s attention.  They provide “social proof” of your attractiveness. Any female that has doting males around her is signaling her attractiveness – and from a relatively safe place.  They can be great as back-up dates  They can provide great company for shopping sprees. After all the beta orbiter makes the mistake of believing that by “complying” to your wishes he is providing evidence that he is the man you seek. By the way, if you have trouble discouraging guys that approach you and so feel reluctant to use these great frlit tips consider the results of some other research that showed; Rejection signals widely used by women (and so understood by man) include: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Sneer Stare Put their hands in their pockets and turning away Avoiding eye contact Yawning Gazing upwards Nail cleaning Teeth picking

Guys don’t like to be rejected and will usually respond to these actions by leaving.

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

16

For Those Who Would Like to Read some of The Original Research: Dhooma, R The Fine Art of flirting, Toronto Sun, March, 15, 2000 Moore, M. M. “Predictive aspects of non-verbal courtship behavior in women”, can be read at: http://www.webster.edu/depts/artsci/bass/faculty/mm1989.htm Moore, M. M., “Lots of women have flirting down to a science”, American Way, can be read at: www.geocities.com/marvin_hecht/flirting.html

Selection Secrets: Top Ten Flirting Tips & Tricks by Angela Michaels © 2006

17