FHM Philippines March 2014

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MARCH 2014

www.fhm.com.ph

THE NO. 1 MAGAZINE IN THE PHILIPPINES

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OFFICIAL VENUE PARTNER

PRESENTS

BROUGHT TO YOU BY AND

ven iniHea k i B M #FH

WE’RE BRINGING THE HEAT OF SUMMER TO THE CITY . Catch some of the country’s hottest babes at

SOLAIRE RESORT & CASINO this MARCH 22

for some nautical naughtiness. We’re serving up some of the country’s sexiest, stripped down to their skivvies at a pool party that’s sure to shiver your timbers this summer! M E D I A PA RT N E R S :

for more details, visit

.com.ph

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C O NT ENTS 03 / 1 4 94

50 MARIAN

RIVERA

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PHOTOGRAPHY: MARK NICDAO, PAOLO PINEDA, EJAY LEUNG; ILLUSTRATIONS: BOISEI MALICDEM, MARA NEPUMUCENO

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50 HOPELESSLY DEVOTED TO YOU Marian Rivera proves us it’s much sweeter the second time around!

94 WE BUILT THIS CITY FHM talks to the country’s top architect on how to rehabilitate a desolate town from scratch

80 WHAT WOULD ASIONG DO? To every obstacle, there’s an appropriate action-star response

100 BRAINY QUOTES A few wise words from Michael V.’s many incarnations

88 SPENT! How much does it really cost to be a full-grown man? Clue: twice as much as a Japanese SUV! 90 TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE Three lady experts help us extract vital sex lessons from rap lyrics ww

f m com.ph

114 TARA MEDINA She knows how to make long-distance relationships last 120 RIZZA DIAZ The Sports5 host packs heat on and off court 128 BIANCA PERALTA Hates the sun. Takes off clothes. It’s always better that way

102 NICOLE ALEXANDRIA Take a stroll along the shore with FHM’s Summer Hottie No. 1

134 WENDY TABUSALA Fashion model and Pinoy Big Brother alumna makes her FHM debut

108 LHEA BERNARDINO ...then enjoy this Bulakeña’s sensual summer innocence

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twitt

ER M M U S FHM

HOTTIES MARCH 2014 FH M 7

C ONTENTS 03/ 14 STARTER

16 BABE It’s all in for business management major Maya Sycip 20 EDSA BY THE NUMBERS Is there hope for this 23km stretch of asphalt?

GIRLF RIEND

24 SURVIVE THE BEACH How to wrestle with a shark, skin a buko like a badass, among other lifesaving tips

152 CRISTINA OQUIAS Easygoing carshow model wants you to enjoy the beach as much as she does

UPGRADE

26 BASKETBALL MARATHON FHM attempts at breaking a Guinness World Record and fails in the qualifying rounds

ACCESS

34 300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE The men of Sparta take us back to another killer action 35 MADE IN EUROPE Non-American shows that should have you glued to your TV sets now 36 ICY READS Books on serial killers, Vikings, and the future to stimulate your minds

40 INFAMOUS SECOND SON VS. TITANFALL Of course, Sony and Microsoft want you to buy both

LOUNGE

42 SHE HATES IT WHEN... FHM Babes and some friends tell you what they want 44 MASTER DEBATERS Abby and Jahziel on bedroom noises 46 LADIES’ CONFESSIONS Volleybelles headline our cast of erotic storytellers

38 UKULELE FOR DUMMIES There’s more to this summery instrument than playing “Hey, Soul Sister” 8 FH M MARCH 2014

STYLE

143 LIGHT VISION Wooden sunglasses aren’t as heavy as they sound 144 DON HIDEO Mr. Muraoka shows us who’s the boss 150 WALK ON AIR The best-looking flip-flops in town

156 PARTY ESSENTIALS Forget free-flowing beer. Animal mascots and bondage girls are the inthing now 158 GIVE ME MUSCLE! Your last-ditch effort at getting that beach body 160 TRAVEL GEAR Everything you need to make that outdoor trip memorable—and less dangerous 162 NEXT EPISODE The Ford EcoSport is about to change the way we drive 164 BUILD YOUR PC FROM SCRATCH Because it’s better, cheaper, and possibly stronger! 168 TRUE STORIES Angela Gabrielle’s drunken stupor, and other tales of hilarity www.fhm.com.ph

PHOTOGRAPHY: PAUL MONDOK, EJAY LEUNG, LOUIE AGUINALDO RIA REGINO; ILLUSTRATIONS: JAMES ANDRES, THEODORE CRUZ

28 BAR ROOM JOKES This month: a talking frog, golf lessons, naked women, and deadly habits

THE TEAM: WHAT FHMers HAVE BEE N U P TO T HI S M ON T H

Flew the sexiest woman in the land to Balesin for her cover. Even in her bathrobe, Marian Rivera is a vision of elegance and beauty. You all know you’ve been waiting for this sophomore outing.

Associate editor Alex’s soporific fantasy: being Marian’s boyfriend for the day. Unfortunately, she’s kuya -zoned him already. Art director Paul Villariba hamming it up with celebrity stylist Liz Uy and our March covergirl before boarding their flight home. Vaguely pictured: Paul’s reddish cheeks and forehead ! EA Ash doing what he does best: photobombing his life-peg, alpha male model Hideo Muraoka, in a photo-op with our makeup artist.

BA and wife Kaye attended a high school classmate’s wedding. BA, kainan na naman? Awat na ! Congratulations to Don and Meysil! 10 FH M MARCH 2014

The Chief finally turns over his shares for his former baby and favorite watering hole, bar Route 196! No more free beers and unlimited sisig for the staff?! What a bummer!

Mich, Pong, and Anton soak up the sun (and flaunt their flab-ulous torsos) with the crew at their Anilao babe shoot. Balik-alindog : fail. facebook.com/FHM.ph s

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I S B R O U G H T T O Y O U B Y. . . Team Editor Allan A. Madrilejos Managing Editor Allan P. Hernandez Art Director Paul C. Villariba Associate Editor Alex C. Paita Associate Art Director John Laurence O. Patulan Senior Features Editor Khyne L. Palumar Assistant Managing Editor Mich R. Lagdameo Section Editor Anton D. Umali Editorial Assistants, Mikey Ashlie L. Mahinay, Pong M. Castillo Celebrity Coordinator Allan Altera A N D F U T U R E - P R O O F E D B Y. . . Managing Editor BA Borleo Associate Section Editors Mikey L. Agulto, Gelo Gonzales Senior Staff Writer Ron Jay B. Eduvas Staff Writer Neps Firmalan WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM... Words Lio Mangubat, Gelo Gonzales, Chiara Cui, Mikey Agulto, Ron Jay Eduvas, Peter Imbong, Vince Sales Illustrations James Andres, Mikke Gallardo, Boisei Malicdem, Mara Nepomuceno, Theodore Cruz Pictures Ejay Leung, Mark Jesalva, Paul Mondoc, Jerico Montemayor, Jay Tablante, Mark Nicdao, Paolo Pineda, Louie Aguinaldo, Niko Villegas Ria Regino Styling/Makeup/Hair Liz Uy, Rey Santos, Ton Lao, Happy Lopez, Amanda Padilla, Krist Bansuelo, Janina Dizon, Joyce Platon, Iya Yujuico, Rhoy Cervantes, Georm Imperial, Dave Grona F H M I N T E R N AT I O N A L N E T W O R K International Director Simon Greves International Digital Director Gary Broughton International General Manager Mark Beard International Editorial Manager Henry Rimmer Head of International Content Anouska Christy International Digital Manager Graham Kirk International Content Executive Ellie Bond International Digital & Content Executive Erin Viljoen International Technical Administrator John Goodchild International Editors (Australia) Guy Mosel, (China) Jacky Jin, (Czech Republic) Dalibor Demel, (France) Laurent Giraud, (Germany) Hans Fuchs, (Holland) Sander Kersten, (India) Kabeer Sharma, (Indonesia) Richard Sam Bera, (Latvia) Sandris Metuzals, (Malaysia) Rajesh Taluar, (Norway) Martin Thronsen, (Philippines) Allan Madrilejos, (Romania) Paul Breazu, (Russia) Slava Rovner, (Singapore) David Fuhrmann Lim, (Slovenia) Uros Majcenovic, (South Africa) Hagen Engler, (Spain) Rafael Benitez, (Taiwan) Saffron Lee, (Thailand) Jakaphatchara Buranabutr, (Turkey) Berk Iybar, (UK) Joe Barnes SUMMIT MEDIA President Lisa Gokongwei-Cheng VP for Operations Hansel dela Cruz Senior Publishing Assistant Aeus Kevin Reyes Web Business Operations Manager Dennison Ko Web Programmer Christopher Porto Production Director Elizabeth Rellis Assistant Production Manager Jane M. Puno Production Coordinator Arnel Laigo Production Designer Arthur Asturiano Production Graphic Artist Dindo Rollan Administrative Services Manager Whilma M. Lopez Admin Assistants Michiel Lumabi, Marlyn Miguel, Paola Ciara Santos ADVERTISING Group Advertising Director Florence Bienvenido Adv. Director-Key Accounts Group Regie Uy Adv. Mangers Maiza G. Mueco Key Account Specialists Joey Anciano, Joyce Argana, Junn de las Alas, Alex Revelar, Annie Santos, Suzette Tolentino Senior Account Manager (Print) Ginger Taduran, Bem Caharian, JJ Dinglasan Senior Account Manager (Digital) Lucas Reyes Junior Account Managers (Print) Rey Parale, Melinda Kitane-San Diego, John Mangoba Junior Account Managers (Digital) Onnie Del Mundo, Dianne Suegay, Angela Lagahid, Francis John Jimenez Adv. Executive Assistant Rita Barbacena Key Accounts Assistants Maricel Adaniel, Ashley Balla, Chinggay M. Cabit, Marie Jo Calubay Adv. Assistants Lorena Santiago Adv. Traffic Supervisors Eliziel del Rio, Myra Gorospe I N - M A G A Z I N E P R O M O T I O N S , E V E N T S & D A TA B A S E Marketing Director Marcie S. Linao I N-MAGAZ I N E PROMOTION S & D E S IG N Creative Director Noel G. Azcueta Assistant Marketing Manager: Grace Acosta-Leyco In-Mag Project Officer Pamela Picones Creative Artists: Jay Mathew Dimayuga, Clare Felise Magno, Anisa Privado Jr. Marketing Associate Mary Princess Derit Marketing Encoder Sheryl Maraggunt E V E N T S D E PA R T M E N T Assistant Marketing Manager: Leah H. Basco Jr. Marketing Associates: Sirius Langkay, Gladys Lapitan, Siena Mirano, Kieffer Albert Nonato, Abigail Pinili M E D I A R E L AT I O N S Media Relations Head Claire Algarme Senior Media Relations Associate Nikka Peralta Media Relations Associate Jieneb Kho TRADE MARKETING Trade Marketing Officer Candace Lobendino Sr. Trade Marketing Associates Caz MarinoTrade Marketing Associate Kamille Guirnalda Trade Marketing Ass. Jamie Islo, Angelica Anne Casacop, Daryl Lincod Jr. Trade Marketing Project Coordinator Patric Malicdem S P E C I A L P U B L I C AT I O N Editor-in-Chief Dondi Limgenco Assistant Managing Editor Janis Ian Gopez Art Director Jane Kristine Cruz Senior Graphic Artist Benjamin Solomon J. Arnol C I R C U L AT I O N Circulation Manager Alma M. Madelo Deputy National Circulation Manager Glenda Gil Circulation Manager-GMA Alaine Mae Lozada Provincial Sales Manager Alexis Martinez International Distribution Specialist Ulyssis Javier Distributors Group Head Caroline Herrera Key Accounts Group Head Malou Rubinos Subscriptions Group Head Hanna Montecer Circulation Supervisor Mary Fatima Flores Systems Administrator - Interactive Editions Rico Cruz, Ron Silang Key Accounts SpecialistVivian Manahan, Charlotte Barlis, Noreen SesconPeligro, Jinky Rose Calugtong, Jennifer Tolentino, Jenny Reparep, Lhon Bituin, Nathaniel Embiado, Felix Tong II Distributor Specialist-North Luzon Mark Elliot Villola Distributor Specialist-Central Luzon Gian Carlo Peralta Distributor Specialist-Central Visayas Robert Revilla Distributor Specialist-Western Visayas Ivan Dela Pena Distributor Specialist-Central Mindanao Eric Ferdinand Gasatan Newsstands Supervisor Joel Valdez Sales Representative-GMA John Lakhi Celso, Edward Caringal, Anjelyn Joy Carino Subscription Coordinator Jofet Abad-Legaspi, Joyce Ann Ramos, Raquel Lorenzo Distribution Account Analyst May Ann Ayuste Circulation Administrative Assistant Marjorie Abueme Circulation Administrative Assistant Elnie Marie Santos Export Sales Assistant Legui Brylle Gonzales Telemarketer Michelle Jayin, Ruby Rose Frias

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LETTE RS 03/14

GET IN TOUCH! SUMMIT MEDIA, 6F & 7F ROBINSONS CYBERGATE CENTER TOWER 3 PIONEER COMPLEX, PIONEER ST., MANDALUYONG CITY 1550 / [email protected] / FACEBOOK.COM/FHM.PH / TWITTER.COM/FHMPHIL / INS TAGRAM@FHMPHILOFFICIAL

WE G IVE YO U T H I S F O R N OW

BIRTHDAY WISH My brother JJ is a certified FHM fan. The first photo was taken during his 50th birthday (hindi lang halata) celebration last January 27 at Mainit Resort, Tayabas, Quezon. We were hoping to get a solo pic of him while blowing his candle but, whoa! As you can see, the picture can be an entry for “Who the Hell Are You?” In the second photo, he is with our Tito Arnel, who's admiring Ms. Alice Dixson in your December 2013 issue. They obviously didn't want to miss a single detail. I hope you can post these photos in your next issue. It’s my birthday wish for Kuya and we will deeply appreciate you granting it. J. Marte, by email

This letter is not actually meant to be posted in the Letters section, but if you want to, I wouldn’t mind. I’ve been collecting FHM since May 2009. I got so hooked in collecting that I also grabbed some international editions through friends and connections. Now I have 111 of 162 local copies and a few copies from Singapore, UK, China, Thailand, Australia (back when it was still being published Down Under). I’m currently a business analyst here at BGC and I teach (read: tame) programming and other IT stuff on the side. The thing is, I want to write, and 50 percent of this frustration is your fault because I was largely influenced by your cool writing style. So bakit sa FHM agad? I don’t know, I guess I’m just the kind of person who aims high. So here’s my simple birthday request (I turned 22 last February 8, you see. I’m young, too...I could be your future ha ha!): Can you give me a writing assignment? I just want see where it’ll take me. Bart, by email

F I R ST AN D N OT T H E L AST Can't believe how time flies! I'm now celebrating my first year as an FHM collector. I can still remember feeling thrilled, excited, happy, and content when I first got my own copy and started browsing through the pages. Finally, I found the best magazine for me. FHM helps me to be confident with my own body. You inspire me to stay healthy and fit! More power to your awesome mag! Looking forward to more years of being a big fan. Here’s a sample of my own FHM pose! Rissa, by email

H I S WO R L D’S S EXI EST Kindly include this pic of my sexy girlfriend in your next issue. Siya ang nagbigay sa’kin ng Jinri Park issue ninyo last year at ng Banana Nite girls issue dahil alam niyang patay na patay ako kay Aiko Climaco. Pero ang totoo, mas patay na patay ako sa kanya. Third anniversary namin last February 14 na birthday ko rin. I am lucky to have her and I love her so much. Franklin, by email

W H O T H E H E L L A R E YO U ?

These peeps can't be bothered to relieve the agonizing details behind these entries. It's that agonizingly obvious, folks—and somewhat hilarious!

IT’S FOR HER, TOO My husband and I are diehard FHM fans, religiously reading each issue from cover to cover. Hope we can see this photo in your next issue. FHM is part of his budget, and I support him kasi I also enjoy reading your mag because it helps me a lot as a woman and a wife. Jelay, by email 12 FH M MARCH 2014

A i m e e , by e m a i l

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fhmphilofficial

Em i l , by em a i l

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LETTE RS 03/14

GET IN TOUCH! SUMMIT MEDIA, 6F & 7F ROBINSONS CYBERGATE CENTER TOWER 3 PIONEER COMPLEX, PIONEER ST., MANDALUYONG CITY 1550 / [email protected] / FACEBOOK.COM/FHM.PH / TWITTER.COM/FHMPHIL / INS TAGRAM@FHMPHILOFFICIAL

HOTTIE LOVE

DAMAG E CO NT R O L: C H E C K! May isang concern lang po ako. Na-notice ko lang na panipis nang panipis yung papel ng cover ninyo. Sana po yung March issue hindi na madaling malukot at mapunit ang cover ng magazine. Bilang collector po, Madaling malukot tuwing ... sana masolusyunan kwan... tuwing binabasa ko ninyo talaga itong concern namin. Salamat and mabuhay! Sana mas gumanda pa po next cover girls this year. Kevin Manlulu, via Facebook

Lhea Bernardino is love! Arwin Joseph Cruz, via Facebook

I love this photo. I can't wait to do this on my next shoot! rachelmccuen27, via Inst agram

Wow @kristinesantamena ganda mo dito! mickierooo, via Inst agram

Kahit malamig dito sa amin, mainit ka pa din, ha ha! ayabilis, via Inst agram

G O G ET T HAT R EWA R D, B R O !

KEEPING T H I N G S S H O RT

I always like reading FHM, ang dami kong nakukuhang ideas, especially sa Peek section. It’s my first time to send a letter, and I hope you can include our picture in your next issue. I hope my girlfriend will see this picture so I can get a reward from her! Bhe, you’re always there to give more of yourself. That’s what makes you special. I love you so much and thank you for your unconditional love. Take care of our baby always. Reanne, by email

R ET U R N I N G T H E FAVO R

Dream big. Aimee, by email

I just want to share my sexy back (ha ha, how I wish!). I celebrated my birthday in February, and my husband gave me your February issue as a birthday gift. I want to surprise him with my bod in your next issue, gift ko naman yun for him. You guys are awesome! Blanch X22, by email

zTones22, via FHM.com.ph

GALLERY

I’ve been collecting FHM since college. Just wanted to say belated Happy Valentine’s Day to my baby. I may not be your first love, first kiss, or first date. I know, however I’ll be your last. Dwell, by email

My obra . Chito Abello, by email

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With the exception of December, FHM. com.ph 100% Hotties Angela Gabrielle, Nicole Alexandria, and now Lhea Bernandino—babyfaced, but all super sexy, daring, and oozing with hotness. Keep ’em coming til December 2014. Hell yeah!

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I just would like to greet my haniko and our very cute nephew Elijah. I also like to thank her for making me smile each day. I love you so much, haniko! Rain, by email

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STARTER

D N A BR

WI S D O M YO U S H O U L D N'T L E AVE H O M E WIT H O UT

W E N

he i t ’s t e k i l y w… ry da ples follo e v e m es h e l i vV i s u a l e x a s e r . su akes of her life m p i Syc est Maya y of the r da first

P H OTO G R A P H Y :

E J AY L E U N G O F M I D N I G H T B O N KE R S I N T E R V I E W:

A NT O N D . U M A L I STYLI N G: D E B R A B E R N A LE S M A K E U P : A M A N D A PA D I L L A H A I R : R H O Y C E R VA NTE S F O R L’O R E A L

PROFESSIONNEL

FYI I’m 20 years old You can usually find me: At bars along Polk St. and Union St. in San Francisco or in Manila Polo Club I like: Men who are supportive and full of personality I dislike: Guys who aren’t well-groomed To enjoy your summer: Find your real friends, spend time with them, and reconnect with family Bikinis are ultra-sexy because: They allow women to show off their bodies. If you’ve got the goods then show it!

We hear you plan on becoming a badass lawyer one day. I’m still in school. Law school soon, but for now I’m a business management major. I find that when I take classes about law, I pay better attention. In my other classes I tend to doze off. Ha ha! A pretty lady who thinks law classes are fun. You’re a strange one… Well, I have a number of uncles who are lawyers too, so it runs in the family. Have you broken any laws? I guess you can say that I have. I mean, who hasn’t? Is your type of guy a lawbreaker as well? Well, he needs to have a great personality. I think that personality is really important. It’s also important to have somebody who is supportive of me. Someone who will always be there and someone who can make me laugh. How does a guy win your affections? He would first have to ask me, “Would you like to go on a date?” with those words, you know? So it’s automatically clear to me that we aren’t just hanging out. He has to be clear! Then we go to a nice dinner. Maybe do something romantic. Just really get to know each other. Something romantic? Yes. I consider myself a hopeless romantic. What’s the most romantic thing a guy has done for you? One time, this guy bought me twelve roses on Valentine’s Day. I’m very oldfashioned.

‘He needs to have a great personality. I think that personality is really important. It’s also important to have somebody who is supportive of me’

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Newb e b bie model Maya Sycip is the g nddaughter gran n of management and accounting mogul Washington Sycip. But unlike her famous granddad, this petite (but full in all the right places) San Francisco urbanite is more into lending her talents to the visual arts other than just arithmetic. Not that we’re complaining, but as a business management student who dreams of becoming a badass lawyer one day, it seems odd that she chose to go the sexy magazine route for her bold modeling debut. But once you hear her story, things start to make sense. “On the second day of my

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sophomore year of college, I had a seizure,” she shares. “I was sent to the emergency room and they found a big tumor in my brain. I was scheduled for emergency brain surgery the next day. I had to go through chemo and radiation so I lost some hair. And now, I’m okay.” Maya learned that when a foreign mass is removed from your noggin and you survive the ordeal, it could yield change, self-reflection, and a renewed sense of fearlessness. And this set of mesmerizing and steamy photos you now hold in your hands is Maya’s courage incarnate.

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You’re based in San Francisco. What is a typical fun night for you back there? Usually I go out with my sister and some of her friends. We go to bars along Polk Street or Union Street, popular avenues for bars there. How often are you in the Philippines? At least once a year. The weather here is beautiful. I like being in warm weather, so this climate is perfect for me. Also, the Filipino people are so nice, unlike in the States where most people can be rude. Everyone here is so genuine and I love that. How would you describe the best summer vacation? It has to be getting closer to my family. Usually we will go to a resort, like El Nido in Palawan. I’m a beach bum at heart. I like the sand and the fact that I can be in a bikini. I like swimming with fish. It’s fun. I enjoy scuba diving because it’s like you’re flying, only in water. FH M www.fhm.com.ph

S TA R T E R R O A D 4 1 1

WTF IS WR O N G WITH EDSA? B i l l i o n - p e s o r oa d p l a n s a n d ot h e r t i n ke r i n g s i n t h e p as t m ont h s m a ke u s t h i n k t h e r e’s a c t u a l l y a c h a n c e fo r t h i s 2 3 k m s t r e t c h o f o l d - t i m e r as p h a l t . I s t h e r e?

2.34

W HAT AR E WE LO O K I N G AT H E R E?

I N F O G R A P H I C S: J O H N L A U R E N C E PATU L A N ; P H OTO: G E T T Y I M A G E S ; W O R D S : K HY N E PA L U M A R

The five-city road stretch project will set us back

P3.74 billion

and is expected to be done in 23 months if things go according to schedule.

ARE WE ON SCHEDULE? Road reblockings officially started a year ago in January, with plans to manage construction in three phases*, barely starting phase 1 when it was stopped a month after due to “road inconvenience,” only to be restarted again February this year. The plan was to smoothen at least phase 1 of lubak before this year’s World Economic Forum, or next year’s Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation Summit. Yes, it’s running behind schedule, but it should finish earlier than the new Skyway.

million

Potholes at the very least. Which is why 2013’s Edsa rehabilitation project, as outlined by public works secretary Rogelio Singson seems straightforward enough: fix 22.4 kilometers of cracked pavement and overlay asphalt, include surrounding curbs, gutters, and drainage—not forgetting bridges, tunnels and overpasses. The Urban Roads Planning Office also plans to take back streets like Taft Avenue from sidewalk vendors, and clear roads and sidewalks of overcrowding “illegal structures.”

average number of vehicles passing through Edsa in a day

*

Phase 1 Roxas Boulevard to Julia Vargas Phase 2 Julia Vargas to North Avenue Phase 3 North Avenue to Bonifacio Monument / Monumento.

THEN 19 3 0 Engineers Florencio Moreno and Osmondo Monsod head construction of the “north-south circumferential road”

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19 54

19 5 9

Road is referred to as “Highway 54” under the misconception that it is actually 54 km long, and because completion was reached that year

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19 8 6 ; 19 8 9

Republic Act 2140 officially renames the road after historian and academician Epifanio delos Santos, who also goes by Don Panyong twitter.com/fhmphil s

fhmphilofficial

Edsa rallies; Edsa shrine is erected in tribute.

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SO SKYWAY3 IS ALSO PART OF THIS DEAL? Not directly, but the 6-lane Skyway Stage 3 project (budgeted separately at P26.59 billion via Public-Private Partnership funding) that will connect SLEX (Buendia, Makati) to NLEX (Balintawak, QC) should cut the twohour run from Buendia to Balintawak to 20 minutes. This is expected to detour traffic off Edsa considerably. Construction began last month, and roads ready in another 3 years. S k y wa y 3 ' s f u t u re a cce s s p o in t s : 1. Buendia 2. Quirino 3. Nagtahan 4. Aurora Boulevard 5. E. Rodriguez 6. Quezon Ave. 7. Sgt. Rivera 8. Balintawak

The Global Competitiveness report of 2011-2012 scores Philippine road quality at

3 . 1 points

LI K E A WA LK I N T HE PA RK

The kind of urban planning F H M wo u l d h ave d o n e i f l e f t t o o u r ow n d ev i c e s …

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T

W

T

EDSA’S NOTORIOUS CHOKEPOINTS*

—second most kulelat after Vietnam (2.6), based on a scale of 1 (extremely underdeveloped) to 7 (extensive, efficient)

s s s s s s s s s s

Macapagal Avenue Tramo flyover Guadalupe Shaw/Crossing Ortigas Interchange Santolan Cubao Kamuning North triangle Balintawak

*as identified by DOTC, MMDA, and Top Gear

WILL WE SCORE HIGHER IN ROAD QUALITY NEXT YEAR? We should hope so. Urban planners add that any significant upgrade that involves decongestion of Edsa doesn’t end with just Edsa, but includes adding to our trains and fine-tuning other public transpo schemes. Or we could take cues from neighboring Singapore (scored a road quality of 6.5 at the Global Competitiveness report, the highest in Asia). SG’s transportation model: notoriously high vehicular taxes, open-road electronic toll collection, overstressed speed limits, and a general public-transpo-commuting, non-car-owning lifestyle.

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S

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V E H I C L E-C O D I N G In place of number-coding, we’re thinking: MWF roads are reserved for sedans and mid-sized vehicles. TTH is for full-sized trucks and buses. Saturday and Sunday are exclusive to motor and pedaled bikes, plus rollerblades, longboards, and kalesas now acceptably "registered vehicles.” Basahan, Ornaments Mineral Water Fishball/ Kwek-kwek

Yosi

AUTO M ATE D F I S H BAL L / KWE K-KWE K , YOS I B O OTH S Like tolls or drive-thrus with separate “retail/tingi” and “wholesale/pakyaw” booths for single-serving passengers and/or public utility vehicles.

M O B I L E M ARTI AL L AW Driving while surfing/texting/speaking on your phone lands you jail time of at least 24 hours on the first offense.

NOW 2013, January Metro Manila Council approves Edsa rehabilitation project, allotting P3.74 billion of government budget

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2 0 1 3 , Fe b r u a r y

2 0 1 4 , Fe b r u a r y

P-No y p o st p o n e s r o a d p r o je c t

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Ro a d p r o je c t is r e st a r t e d

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Earl y 2016 Schedul ed compl eti on date as of Februar y thi s year

MARCH 2014 FH M 21

S TA R T E R S U M M E R S U R V I VA L

O HOW T

RVIVE THE BEACH B U KO A ASS Mario, who n selling ts out of k of a cart for the ee years, s how t up and

Go for the nose. The nose presents an easier target, especially while it’s chowing down on one of your limbs. Scott Yorko, a kiteboarder who was once stranded in the middle of the sea, went for this target when a pack of whitetips attacked. Shark noses contain electro-receptors—a good slap on the nose may feel particularly nasty for the finned marauder.

W E A R S P E E D OS When is the right time to wear Speedos? “Never,” says model-turnedactor Jon Hall. “I have worn them before, and it wasn’t the right time, and it will never be the right time to wear them, ever.” But if you really must... Make sure you have abs A gut hanging over a pair of Speedos only works on Jun Sabayton. Make sure you’re young “The older you are,” cautions Hall, “the farther you should stay away from them.” Make sure you’re packing the heat Because people will zero in on that patch that still managed to be fully concealed. 24 FH M MARCH 2014

Make sure a dolphin is in your speed-dial. When surfer Todd Endris was attacked in California’s infamous “Red Triangle” (notable for incidents of shark-on-man fisticuffs), he was rescued by a particularly unlikely gang of pals: a pod of dolphins, which formed a protective wall between him and the shark as he paddled to safety.

RUN LIKE A BAYWATCH STAR There can be no more iconic beach scene than the patented Baywatch Run. Recreate this classic pop culture moment before you hit the surf all the time, any time. TIP 1: Grow man-boobs. Make sure they bounce. Check their jiggle by lifting your shirt out, peeking in, and moving your shoulders rapidly. TIP 2: Master the pout. You may not have Carmen Electra’s lips but it s easy to steal expression. TIP 3: Scor compact sa Bonus point red. To matc your, you kno swimsuit.

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H I D E YO U R (LAC K O F) AB S Don’t have a beach body? Don’t worry; you can mitigate the flab with these tips... 1 Wear a shirt. The looser, the better. 2 Don’t take off your shirt. Even when you’re swimming. Yeah, you’ll look like a loser...but at least you won’t look like an ab-less loser. Unless the shirt sticks to your front, and then it’s buking city from then on. 3 Avoid rash guards. They’re stretchy. They’re tight. They will betray you.

H O O K U P WITH A FO R E I G N C H I C K. PAI N LESS LY It’s the beach, and you’re eager to show international tourists the pride of the Philippines—namely, your awesome skill in bed. But how to start? Here are some pointers to get that internationallevel nookie going. 1 Try going for girls who also speak English. It’s easier to flirt with someone if you both speak a common language. 2 If you know a few words in their language, chances are high they’ll find it really cute. They’ll also be impressed, especially if you pronounce it like a native. 3 If you don’t know jack, you can also ask them to teach you, says Drew*, who once asked a Norwegian to teach him how to count in her language. www.fhm.com.ph

W O R D S: L I O M A N G U B AT ; I L L U S TR ATI O N S: J A M E S A N D R E S

W If you re going to wrestle with a shark, “make sure you book a multi-million dollar payper-view first,” cannily advises Ira Villar, martial artist and fight director for many local film and TV productions. Barring that, we lift two tips from actual accounts of shark survival to make sure that, pay-per-view deal or pay-per-view deal, you’ll come out on top.

young, coconut. er, version s little t water, and also looks like a giant, withered scrotum. 2 Get a fairly sharp machete or a kitchen cleaver. 3 Cut a shallow part off both ends of the coconut by rotating the coconut around as you chop until the end falls off. 4 Stand the coconut and make a lateral cut across one end until you expose the hollow. Stick a straw in. Sip. 5 Once the water’s all done, machete the coconut in half. Scoop the meat out with your blade, if you’re a real badass.

*Names have been changed

W h e r eve r i t i s yo u va c a t i o n , yo u ’ ve got to beat more than the heat...

S TA R T E R C H A L L E N G E

CAN FHM …

Kili-kili : nakaka-alibadbad!

BREAK A GUINNESS WORLD REC ORD ?

PR O-TI PS FR O M PLAYE R N O . 1 Doc Larry Macapanpan is a 44-year-old dentist who does volunteer work for Gawad Kalinga. He is also called Player No. 1 for being the first player selected for the roster. His job: be a leader, and keep the whole squad in check for the duration of the grueling undertaking. How do we achieve this record?

Secretly, we’ve always wished that we could just shoot hoops all day, and not waste our time on silly things, like work. So imagine our delight when we got invited to a tryout for Basketball Marathon 2014, an ultra-endurance basketball game organized by Access Cable Enterprises in cooperation with Samahang Basketbol ng Pilipinas. Their offer? Pass their tryouts and get a chance to be one of the 24 participants that will attempt to break the current world record for the longest time continuously playing basketball using FIBA rules. This was our chance for glory. This was our chance for hoops superstardom. We were goddamn sure we were going to be a part of this slammin’ shindig.

Wh o m akes t he c ut? There are 24 roster spots on the final Basketball Marathon 2014 contingent. The requirements... 1 The player must be 18 years old at the time they signed up. There is no age limit. 2 The player must pass the try-outs and the succeeding medical screenings.

TH E GAM E PLAN

D R I LL E D H A R D To test our physical limits, a five-station drill routine was put in place. We made it out alive Stage 1: Defensive laterals Mental c o n d i t i on: That wasn’t too bad.

Stage 2: Rightto-left, left-to-right footwork test Ment al condition: Mmm, this is harder than we thought.

Stage 3: Knees-tothe-chest side motion Ment al condition: This is only the third station?!

Stage 4: A barrage of jump shots Ment al condition: We should have stayed home.

Stage 5: A litany of lay-ups M e nt a l co ndi t i o n: Make it stop! Please!

S CR I M M AG E I N F I N ITY

Here are our s t at s :

After the drills, cardio hell wasn’t over as the goal of the tryouts is to simulate the actual marathon. So for a good three hours, play continued nonstop, with a set of 10 players subbing in after 10-minute intervals.

Total games played: Two 10-minute games Total points scored: 4 Total number of injuries: One reinjured ankle, and one severely bruised ego Did we make it? No

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TH E ERS U N M B AT E B O T inness ent Gu t The curr ord for longes is ec all World R laying basketb s. It ond on p marath rs and 13 sec Athletic u ri o u h o 112 Miss issouri, t by the was se Saint Louis, M yed Club in in a game pla 5 to 2 USA arch 21 from M 012. 2

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The Philippines’ record attempt takes place from March 24 to 28, 2014 at the Meralco Gym. The teams will play a whopping 120 hours (and possibly more) to set a new record. The rules are... s All equipment must be standard s Two professional timekeepers must time the attempt with stopwatches accurate to 0.01 seconds s No breaks are allowed, including half-time breaks. Likewise, no player can do things extraneous to the spirit of the game (such as arguing with the referee) in order to buy time s All 24 players must be present from the beginning to the end of the event. Food and sleeping bags may be used at courtside.

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Mental endurance From the grueling monthlong training to the actual five-day show, the ability to play non-stop will depend on the player’s state of mind. He says that this thing will push players to their breaking point, and the players who last are those that can push past the physical limits. Thrive on Pinoy basketball’s current momentum The PBA is experiencing a resurgence and the Gilas team had just won silver at the FIBA Asia Championship in 2013. The timing can’t be more perfect. Substance not flash Doc Larry says that playing such a long game will rely more on basketball fundamentals and athletic soundness. It’s about who can run longer rather than who can run fastest. Above all: pacing Slowly but surely, says Doc Larry. And try not to get injured!

Random Endurance Tips s Take a 15-minute break after every hour of sitting in the office to keep your spine in good shape. s To make you last longer during sex, perform kegel exercises to increase “penile endurance.” s Close your eyes for five minutes after every hour of gaming in a gaming marathon.

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WORDS: GELO GONZALES; PHOTOGRAPHY: MARK JESALVA

B a s ke t ball M ar at h o n 2 014 ’s f i ve - day stretch of non-stop ballin g i s ab o u t t o gi ve u s t h e an s we r

S TA R T E R J O K E S

ILLUSTRATION: MIKKE GALLARDO

or > s m u H k ab c a p six-

FU N NY LITTLE FROG An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it in to his pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and

I N FU LL SWI NG A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them plays well, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband takes his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No, you’re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks the man. “Hold the club gently,” the pro replied, “Just like how you’d hold your wife’s breast.” Taking his advice, he takes a swing, and pow! He hits the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can’t wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro 28 FH M MARCH 2014

watches her swing and says, “No, you’re gripping the club way too hard.” “What should I do?” asks the wife. “Hold the club gently, just like how you’d hold your husband’s penis.” The wife listens carefully to the pro’s advice, takes a swing, and thump! The ball goes straight down the fairway about 15 feet. “That was great,” the pro says. “Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you’re supposed to!” Cedelf, by email

H ITTI NG HAR D ROCK Young Pedro and Juan went for a walk in the forest. A few kilometers in, they were surprised to see naked women bathing in a river. facebook.com/FHM.ph s

turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want.” Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked: “What’s the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, and that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but having a talking frog, now that’s cool!” Jerome Rex Bugtong, via Facebook Fan Page They both stared in awe, until Pedro ran fast back out to the city. Juan chased after him. When Juan caught after Pedro, he asked, “Why did you run away? Didn’t you like seeing them?” “My mom told me if I saw naked women, I’d turn into stone. I ran after I felt something getting hard!” Leonard S., by email

CHOOSE YOU R POISON Three desperately ill men go to their doctor to seek help. One is an alcoholic, the other is a chain smoker, and the other is gay. The doctor tells the men that if they indulge in any of their habits twitter.com/fhmphil s

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again, they will die. So the three men leave and dine in a restaurant to talk about their illness. The alcoholic sees liquor on the menu, so he orders a shot of whisky and suddenly drops dead. Feeling stressed out, the chain smoker went out and sees a half-lit cigarette on the ground. Looking tempted, the gay guy told the chain smoker, “If you bend over to pick that up, we’re both dead.” Jonas07, by email

MARCH 2 0 14 YO U R M O N T H LY VI P PASS

01 FILM

THIS IS SPARTA… AGAIN

G I R D U P YOU R LOI N S AN D START CHANTI NG—TH E 300 S EQU E L I S H E R E FOR SOM E KI LLE R G RAPH IC (NOVE L) ACTION

3 0 0 : R I SE O F A N E M P I R E Wi t h: S ul l i va n S t a pl e t o n, Eva Gre e n, L e n a H e a d e y , Ro dri go S a nt o ro Based on Frank Miller’s latest graphic novel Xerxes (yet to be released), the film pits the men of Sparta, and their great general Themistokles (Stapleton), against massive Persian forces led by Xerxes and Artemisia (Green). Why yo u s ho ul d s e e i t : The sequel you’ve been waiting for is finally here. You can stop saying “This is Sparta!” now. Seriously, stop staying it. Out : Ma rch 6

S PA RTA N S > YO U

Bora boys: always ready for action

WOR D S : CH IA R A CUI

3 Reasons why the men of 300 make regular bros look like wimps 1 Their thighs are thicker than your torso. The average Spartan warrior stood 5’10” on average and weighed about 185lbs to 200lbs— of pure muscle. 2 They make your hardcore CrossFit workouts seem like child’s play. Literally. As children, Spartans were placed in a military-style education, which included an arduous daily training regimen of sword fighting. 3 They could hold their liquor even as infants. Spartan babies were often bathed in wine, not water.

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02

EUROVISION

TELEVISION

FOREIGN FUN

BRIT POP

AND THE QUEEN’S OTHER REALM

KIWI CRIME MYSTERY M U PPETS M OST WANTED The gang’s back. This time they’re on a Euro tour that takes them through the ringer of the world’s biggest international crime syndicate headed by Kermit’s doppelganger. Ricky Gervais, Tina Fey, and Ty Burrell join the cast for this global romp. Wh y y ou should see it: Muppets movies allow you to relive your childhood nostalgia. Embrace it. O u t : March 2 1

DANISH DRAMARAMA

FEAR-FILLED FRENCHIE

C A PTAIN AMERICA: THE W I NTER SOLDIER The Cap is back, still trying to find his place in the modern world. He teams up with Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) to save the world from a mysterious enemy. Wh y y ou should see it: You were going to anyway, for Scar Jo in that jumpsuit. O u t : March 2 6

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S C A N D A L O U S LY SCANDINAVIAN

F R E SH M E AT A group of college freshmen are forced to rent a house together after the dorms fill up. One part Skins, one part The Inbetweeners, which coincidentally have both been adapted for American audiences. It’s only a matter of time until MTV tries to snatch this one up (see: ruin) so watch it now while it’s still good.

T O P O F T H E LA K E Written by acclaimed director Jane Campion, this crime drama, filmed and set in New Zealand stars Mad Men’s Elizabeth Moss (who recently won a Golden Globe for her acting in the show) as a detective investigating the disappearance of a pregnant 12-year-old. The show has been hailed as “a masterpiece” by many critics. Equal parts Twin Peaks with the moodiness of the director’s The Piano

BORGEN A charismatic politician becomes the first female Prime Minister of Denmark. Critics have called Borgen “the best TV show you have never seen” and has been compared to The West Wing, but Nordic, which we all know is a euphemism for ‘bleak’. Anyway, you need a break from that depressing Lars Von Trier marathon.

L E S R E V E N A N T S (T H E R E T U R N E D ) Adapted from the 2004 film They Came Back, Les Revenants is about a small mountain town where the dead are coming back to life. Camille, a teenager who was killed in a road accident four years prior, comes home unharmed one day to the shock of her family. Trust that everything sounds a little bit better (and creepier) with a French accent.

BRON A dead body is found on the border of Sweden and Denmark, thus requiring representatives from both countries to investigate. Detectives Martin Rohde from Denmark and Saga Noren from Sweden search for the serial killer they call the “Truth Terrorist.” An antidote to the canned laughter sitcoms of the US, this Swedish/Danish show is like Colonel Sander’s Double Down of depressing shows.

DOWN RIGHT DEPRESSING facebook.com/FHM.ph s

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WOR D S : CH IA R A CUI

N E ED FOR SPEE D Ex-con Tobey Marshall (Aaron Paul) joins a cross-country drag race to exact revenge on his expartner Dino Brewster (Dominic Cooper), who framed him into jail time. Wh y y ou should see it: Aaron— Breaking Bad’s Jesse—is moving up in the world, bitch. O u t : March 14

TH E MOST COM PE LLI NG (AN D SOM ETI M E S D I S MAL) NOT-MAD E-I N-TH E-USA S HOWS YOU S HOU LD B E WATCH I NG R IG HT NOW

MARCH 2014 FH M 35

ACCESS

03 FILM

CHILLING HEAT

TH E S LIG HT TU R N-OF-TH E-YEAR TE M P R E PR I EVE HAS D I SS I PATE D—IT’S MARCH, AN D IT’S JABAR S EASON. R ECALL MOR E WI NTRY HOU R S (AN D TH E S NOW WE’LL N EVE R G ET TO S E E H E R E) WITH TH E S E ICY R EAD S

THE SOUTH POLE

AN ICY TO Y JOURNE

NORTHLANDERS: BLOOD IN THE SNOW Brian Wood, Vasilis Lolos, and Danijel Zezelj Brian Wood’s pseudohistorical comic series zeroes in on history’s most bad-ass warriors and doesn’t spare the sensitivities—there’s lots of red to be spilled on pure white snow. The best volumes (collecting #9, #10, and #1720) in the 50-issue series collect four stand-alone tales that aren’t ashamed to tackle deep themes: paganism versus Christianity, women versus men, old age versus the sprightly sword-arms of youth. There’s enough bloodshed and an assload of gorgeously illustrated action throughout. But it’s educational, too—in the issue “The Viking Art of Single Combat,” you’ll learn that some Vikings would go into battle ridiculously stoned. Awesome. Chilling Quote: “From copse to copse I crawl, and creep now. Worthless. Who knows how highly I will be heralded someday?”

NOS4A2 Joe Hill Charles Manx scoots around in a vintage car (with a vanity plate that reads suspiciously like “Nosferatu”) and picks up little kids. Then he uses interdimensional powers to take them to Christmastime Land, a twisted little fairground where it’s Christmas Eve forever and he can suck their youth out like a vampire. One day, he picks up a little girl (the “Brat”) with the same powers as he does, but she escapes, and Manx is locked up for life. But now the little girl is all grown up, and Manx is out, and looking for revenge—this time, on the Brat’s own son. If it sounds suspiciously like a Stephen King novel, that’s because Hill is his son and he’s inherited his father’s gift for spinning horror into a well-written, fully fleshed piece of art that’s haunting, emotional, and scary enough to make your blood run cold. Chilling Quo te : “Christmas was almost four months in the rearview mirror, and there was something awful about Christmas music when it was nearly summer. It was like a clown in the rain, with his makeup running.”

THE HEART OF A SERIAL KILLER 36 FH M MARCH 2014

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WO R DS : LI O MA N G UBAT

LOVE MINUS EIGHTY Will McIntosh Think of it as the creepiest mail-order bride scheme ever: Hot dead women are cryogenically flash-frozen and placed in a dating center where, decades after, they can be thawed out for a price and married off to the highest bidder. So it’s a hundred years into the future, with dead chicks in refrigerator pods at -80, and the line from chivalrous to creepy is drawn in ridiculously thin ice. It’s simultaneously romantic and creepy, as one of the characters woos a girl he just ran over with a car, while a lesbian comes to terms with being dead and frozen into a “bridesicle”; just two lost souls navigating a hopeless future where everyone sports social media wearables and the gap between rich and poor—and between lover and lover—is wider than ever. Chilling Quo te : “Men don’t want women who were frozen sixty years before the facility opened, because they have nothing in common with those women.”

A CRYO-FROZEN FUTURE

THE VIKING-ERA

THE W ORST JOURNEY IN THE WORL D Apsley Cherry-Garrard Your skin might already crackle at the thought of reading about subzero temperatures, but your warm heart will never survive that part in the book where the author describes entering a tent, only to find the iced-over remains of two friends. A true story of a 1910-1913 Antarctic expedition to recover Penguin eggs, it’s narrated by one of the actual survivors, the resourceful Cherry-Garrard [1886-1959], who painstakingly reports every difficult detail. You’ll walk away from the book with more than a passing familiarity with sliding friction on sleds...and a greater appreciation for the gritty, desperate heroism of a lost cause. Chilling Quote: “A war is like the Antarctic in one respect. There is no getting out of it with honour as long as you can put one foot before the other.”

ACCESS

UKELELE FACTS

“✺ I came in like a wrecking ball ✻ ”

04

The correct Hawaiian pronunciation of ukulele is ookoo-leh-leh. You’ve been saying it wrong, man! (not: yoo-koo-ley-ley)

MUSIC

There are also electronic ukuleles that can be connected to amplifiers. You can go organic metal (yeah, we just made that up) and punk rock with this small toy!

The Portuguese are actually responsible for introducing ukuleles to the Hawaiians in the 1800s.

Unlike guitars with six strings, ukuleles only have four. Ukuleles are tuned G, C, E, A in the fifth fret, giving it a higher pitch.

Serenade a beach babe with the most summersounding instrument you can learn to play this month But you don’t have a musical key in your body and a ukulele is still an instrument— should you be intimidated? Ukulele Philippines’ Leon Lagrama rebuts: “It’s handy and easy to learn. You can learn four chords in five minutes.” Now that’s not so bad a challenge. We should listen though; Leon knows his stuff. His hobby-turned-business started with a personal collection of nine ukuleles and grew to hundreds of imported and prime quality ukes in his first and (so far, only) ukulele shop in the country. What other factors to consider in buying one, though? Let FHM guide you through…

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FHM’S UKULELE GUIDE FOR DUMMIES

manufacturers, however, prefer to keep their ukuleles uncoated and solid, which makes it more prone to cracks and breakage.

SIZE Ukuleles come in four sizes: soprano, concert (alto), tenor, and baritone. Size affects the tone and volume of each ukulele. “The baritone sounds closest to a guitar, so seasoned guitarists usually go for it,” says Lagrama. The sizes of a ukulele average from 20 to 30 inches.

ST R I N G S FOR MORE ON UKULELE PHILIPPINES: Facebook: www. facebook.com/ ukephilippines Twitter: @ukulelePH Instagram: @ukulelephilippines Website: www. ukulelephilippines.com

WO O D According to Lagrama, manufacturers use different types of wood in making a ukulele, and each wood gives the instrument a different sound. The more famous kinds used are mahogany, which has a bright and tremulating sound; and the Hawaiian koa, which gives a rich and warm sound.

WHERE TO HEAD FOR A PIECE: The Ukulele Philippines Shop The Collective, Malugay St., Makati City

SHOULD SET YOU BACK:

COAT I N G Ukuleles are specially coated with high-density laminates, especially the ones imported from abroad. Hawaiian facebook.com/FHM.ph s

Most ukulele players invest on good wood and just switch strings over time. Depending on the sound you prefer, you can choose from a wide array of strings. According to Lagrama: “Nylon strings take a little while to set, but are easy to tweak in terms of pitch. Nylgut strings give off bolder sounds.”

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P1,600 to P25,000

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WORDS: PONG CASTILLO; PHOTOGRAPHY: PAUL MONDOK

ALL STRINGS ATTACHED

ACCESS

05

I N FA M O U S: SECOND SON

RELEASE

D ATE

CH MAR

21

TITA N FA L L

GAMES

HEAD TO HEAD

RELEASE M A R D ATE CH

11

Because a console war is good for everyone (a.k.a. more innovation), we’re stirring the pot by pitting PlayStation 4 exclusive inFAMOUS: Second Son against the Xbox One-only Titanfall –who ya’ got?

No longer will you have to evolve your powers depending on how good or evil you are, but according to your play style instead

PLOT

Evil corporations and a plucky militia battle over a derelict planet for…some reason. GIANT ROBOTS.

GAMEPLAY WE LIKE

Summoning Titans is timer-bas so even the most hopeless play will eventually get to go amok behind the controls of one

Rumors that the series will debut multiplayer make us think of chasing friends down and causing massive amounts of collateral damage– this could be good

MULTIP LAYER

Smoke and flame effects so lifelike that you’ll be gasping at their billowing realness. Michael Bay would be proud

EYE CANDY INGREDIEN TS

Six vs. six matches might seem small, but the AI bots running around in every match keep things lively and the kill counter ticking

Dedication to a 60fps frame rate means a razor-sharp response from the controls

Sucker Punch Productions also created quirky stealth series Sly Cooper and is a jewel in Sony’s crown of exclusive developers

P EDIGREE

Respawn Entertainment is headed by the founders of Infinity Ward (Call of Duty) and swore under the banner of Microsoft for their first game

A Human Torch and Spider-man mash-up hero inside Grand Theft Auto

IT’S KIND OF LIKE

Attack on Titan characters piloting Titans–er, giant robots

MOTION SICKNESSINDUCIN G?

Possible, as you run up, sideways, and down walls when you aren’t busy double-jumping all over the place

Possible, seeing that you hurtle above city skylines like your ass is on fire–wait, it actually is!

40 FH M MARCH 2014

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WORDS: ASH MAHINAY

Conduits, basically superpowered mutants, weren’t wiped out in the ending of the last inFAMOUS after all—hence the creation of the big bad Department of Unified Protection to keep things nice and oppressive.

PENETRATE HER MIND

LOUNGE SH E HATE S IT WH E N… Kn o wi ng w ha t s h e w an ts i s on ly h a l f t h e b a t t l e . G o i n g i n t o s p e c i f i c s a bou t w h at s h e d oe s n ’t w a n t m e a n w h i l e — wel l , w e ’ l l l e t t h e s e be au tifu l w om e n d o t h e t a l k i n g Lhea Bernardino, model

K o o k a i S armiento, c a r s h o w model 1 YOU TRY TO COVER UP FLAB AT THE BEACH “I don’t like men who wear shirts while swimming. If you have flab, I wouldn’t really care. Cute naman minsan eh!” 2 YOU USE BLING TO GET AHEAD “There are men who think they can get anything they want from you just because they’re rich. One time, I even got: ‘Naka-Genesis ako tapos hindi mo ako iki-kiss?’ Sorry—no!” 3 YOU’RE SOFTER AROUND THE EDGES “I don’t like men who have softer hands than I do. I usually use it as a conversation starter, “Rough hands. Yes, I like it rough.” Ha ha!” 42 FH M MARCH 2014

“I don’t like dry hair.”

5 YOU USE “BEACH MASSAGE” AS AN EXCUSE TO FEEL HER UP “I don’t like perverts. At saka sunblock is too sticky and greasy.”

N i c o l e A l e x a ndri a , m o de l 6 YOU GO AWAY “Long distance relationships just wouldn’t work.” 7 YOU’RE TOO DRUNK FOR NOOKIE “I don’t really like drunk sex. Sober sex is better!” 8 YOU DON’T CONSULT OUR STYLE PAGES “I don’t like guys who wear sloppy clothes.” C ha rm de l a C ruz, m o de l 1 2 YO U B R E A K U P A N D G ET BACK TOG ETH E R A LOT “I hate breakups. Ang drama na nga, papangit ka pa kakaiyak. Ha ha!”

Deb Bernales, fashion st y list 9 YOU’RE TOO MUCH OF A CITY RAT “Summers shouldn’t be spent in the city.” 10 YOU LOOK STRAIGHT DOWN HER CLEAVAGE “I don’t like it when men are predictable.”

U’R E I N D E C I S IVE 13 YO

11 YOU DON’T KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP “I don’t like talking in bed, especially to ask for opinions and instructions. It kills the momentum!”

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“ Ayoko ng mahirap at magulo kausap , lalo yung mga pabagobago ng isip .”

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W O R D S: P O N G C A STI L L O; L H E A, N I C O L E, A N D B I A N C A’S P H OTO: M I D N I G HT B O N K E R S; A N G E L’S P H OTO: J E R I C O M O NTE M AYO R

4

YO U D O N’T CO N D I T I O N

B i a nc a Pe ra l t a , m o de l 19 YOU’RE “COMPLICATED” “I can only handle so much bullshit.”

U D I TC H T H E G E N T L E M AN AC T I N B E D 20 YO “I like guys who are total gentlemen in bed. Imbyerna ako pag sobra na yung dirty talking!” Ch er r y Cab rera, D J 21 YOU’RE TOO JUDGMENTAL FOR YOUR OWN GOOD “Not all girls who party are bad girls. Give us the benefit of the doubt. Stop judging!”

C e l R e y e s , m e rcha ndi s e as s i s t ant 14 YOU BRING UP THE OTHER WOMAN “I don’t like men who compare you with their exes! Past is past!”

22 YOU’RE WITH HER TOO MUCH “Clingy guys should learn to hang out with their guy friends, too. Ha ha! We both deserve some alone time.”

15 YOU’RE TOO MACHO TO SAY WHAT YOU FEEL “I don’t like men who don’t admit what they really feel about you or about any given situation.” 16 YOU PLAY EVERYTHING BY THE BOOK “Men who aren't the least bit spontaneous are big turnoffs. It's good to have an adventure once in a while.”

23 YOU’RE TOO AGGRESSIVE “Relax.”

17 YOU’RE JEALOUS ABOUT THE WRONG THINGS “I’ve been stuck with men who over analyze everything (i.e. Why are you wearing makeup today? Are you meeting up with someone?)”

24 YOU’RE FULL OF POMP “…But being confident enough to approach me is kind of cute.”

18 YOU CAN’T PLAY THE MYSTERIOUS CARD “I don’t like men who are too available. It's always nice to know that they have their own life too.”

to look my best, so I'd hope that he'd do the same.” 27 YOU DON’T UNLEASH MANOY ENOUGH “Lacking passion is a no-no.” Ena h B a ba , m e rcha ndi s e a s s i s t a nt 25 YOU DON’T TAKE A BREAK FROM “SERIOUS” “I hate guys with no sense of humor and no spontaneity. Be adventurous!” 26 YOU DON’T AT LEAST BRUSH YOUR TEETH “I hate bad hygiene. As a woman, I would always like

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G E N E R I C H AT R E D Other unani m ous thi ngs that sh e sh ou ld n ever cat ch you becom i ng, accordi ng to the sam e ladies…

Mayabang

Boring

28 YOU’RE THE OPPOSITE OF HONEST “Lying is an unacceptable trait in a guy.”

Prissier than your woman

A n g el M alit, mod el 30 YOU STICK TO ONE ROUTINE “Gusto ko when it comes to making love, medyo passionate na may pagka-romantic. Tapos pa-wild nang pa-wild!”

YO U D O N ’T 31 N E A R LY G ET E N O U G H P RAC T I C E

29 YOU’RE A TEXTBOOK PLAYER “I can always tell if a guy is sincere or he’s a player. Don’t feel the need to engage me in mind games. It seldom works.”

“ Saka yung hindi magaling in bed! Ha ha!” 32 YOU’RE A BLABBERMOUTH WHO ISN’T SMART “I also hate guys na sobrang madaldal pero nonsense kausap”.

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MARCH 2014 FH M 43

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P H OTOG R A PHY: EJAY L E UNG OF M I D N I G H T B O NKE RS STYLING: DEBRA BERNALES MAKEUP: JANINA DIZON H A I R : G E OR M IMPE RIAL

ARE YOU LISTENING CLOSELY? Whether it’s in the bedroom or at the beach, our columnists agree: mating noises are hot. What kind of noises? Abby and Jahziel specify… JAH Z I E L Boinking noises, oooh yeah! It’s my thing! Deep down, we’re all animals in bed. We want it wild, and we want it loud! Mas maraming sounds na nagaganap, mas nakakaturn-on!

A B BY True! But the noises have to come from both parties. If I’m making all sorts of sexy noises to pleasure my man, he has to keep it sexy on his end din. I love men who grunt loudly while they’re banging me. Grunters for me produce the most arousing noises in bed. Sadly, not all men are grunters. Some of them are really shy and quiet—which is a big no-no for me. I feel like I’m having sex with a corpse, nakakaloka!

JAH Z I E L Tama si Abby—guys, don’t be shy. Ako, saktong panting and heavy breathing lang while saying, “Oh yeah! Yes! Yes!” or “Faster, faster!” Tapos pag mag-ka-cum na ako: “Oh my god, oh my god!” 44 FH M MARCH 2014

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L O U N G E M A S T E R D E B AT E R S

A B BY Wild moans are great, too, especially when I’m giving fellatio. It eliminates the guessing part of pleasuring you, and guides me through your penis. Ayaw ko kasi nang nanghuhula, so if you’re not really vocal and you hate dirty talk, at least man lang umungol ka whenever I’m hitting your sweet spots. I swear to God it’s going to make me wet and really horny, ha ha ha!

JAH Z I E L Basta ang bottomline di ka naman manonood ng porn nang naka-mute yung audio di ba? I know meron akong favorite noises na pandagdag-gana when I’m having sex. Ikaw, Abby?

WHAT AB BY L I K E S TO H E AR Groaning I want to know how bad you want me, and when you groan and grumble like Spartacus between thrusts, it drives me crazy and encourages me to perform better. Feeling ko ang sarap sarap ko! Ha ha!

The slushy Slushy sounds of penis and vaginal juices are music to my ears. Add that to our moans, kahit wala nang rock songs as background music, okay na!

Basic dirty Simple dirty talk like, “I’m gonna fuck you really hard” are huge turn-ons—pero don’t overdo it, or it sounds baduy and stupid. Dapat natural ang dating!

Not your phone I welcome all kinds of noises in bed—except your cellphone. Nakaka-pressure at nakakatanggal ng mood and momentum yung tunog ng calls and text messages. I want your attention focused on me. In return, I promise to make it worth your time!

WHAT JAH Z I E L WANTS TO H E AR Guys asking questions I love it when my man asks questions while having sex. It really turns me on! Yung mga barubal moments like “Malaki ba…?” “Kaya ba ’to ng iba?” Yung mga ganun! Haaay…sarap! Ha ha!

Throaty noises I love deep throat sounds! Or yung tunog ng medyo nacho-choke na ako! Oh my god! Compliment yan sa guy because it means ganado ako at gusto ko siya enough para um-effort.

Doggy sounds Yung “flok flok flok!” Ha ha ha! The do-me-from-behindsound. Or simply, the dog-style sound! I’m sure narinig niyo na rin yan! Try it, guys! Mas malakas yung sound, mas intense!

Exit sounds Yung line na “I’m coming!” So simple and so powerful! Telling him I’m about to orgasm and vice versa is the ultimate para sa akin. Hindi mo lang ginagawa, sinisigaw mo pa!

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LADIES CONFESSIONS This month’s adventurous bunch: mountain climbers, taxi riders, a family driver, and hard-training volley belles

T E A M WORK! I played for the volleyball team back in high school. I was naturally siga and boyish. Some girls even had a crush on me back then, but I never really thought I was bisexual or a lesbian until I showered with our rookie member. She was a transferee from another school, and was half-Pinoy and half-Aussie. While our other teammates showered right after training, we were left in the bleachers talking about our common friend. After almost an hour, we decided to shower in the locker room. It’s not new for me to shower with other girls, but I just couldn’t stop glancing at her—she was tisay, slender, and had plump breasts. I even joked that I liked her nipples because they were pink. She just laughed and naughtily grabbed my boobs. I even shouted, “Hoy!” before returning with a smack on her ass. She tried to tickle me by embracing me from the back so I’d be helpless, but the feel of her body against mine turned me on. I faced her and kissed her. She kissed back, and from there we started fondling each other’s nipples and clits. I couldn’t resist her pink tits, so I sucked them. We were finger-fucking each other from under the shower to the locker benches. I laid her down on one of the benches and ate her shaved pussy. I licked her up and down until she asked for more finger-banging. It was a good hour in the locker room until we decided to just meet up at my house the next day after training. It was my first time doing a girl, and I loved it! Mikka Rose, by email

‘It was my first time doing a girl, and I loved it!’ 46 FH M MARCH 2014

Always here to listen, ladies! Keep sending your escapades to fhmladiesconfessions @gmail.com

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LOUNGE CONFESSIONS

M OD E L : K R I S TY B ON D A CH UK ; P H OTOG R A P H Y : J A Y TA B L A N TE ; S H O T W ITH FU J IFILM XE - 1; STYLING: E LO ISE DANIO T; L I N G E R I E : E TA M ; L OCA TI ON : TH E H E N TR Y H OTE L (CE B U) M OD E L A PPE A RS FO R ILLU STRATIO N PU RPO SE S O NLY

BIYAHENG LANGIT My boyfriend and I enjoy doing the deed in public places. The possibility of getting caught in the act excites us and even boosts our sexual drive. We’ve done it in a room with his friends, in a cinema, and even in a balcony. But the best was when we did it in a taxi. We were on our way home from this family gathering in Cubao, where we had a few glasses of wine. While in the cab, I was already kissing him on the lips, licking his neck, and I even gave him a hickey. I knew he was turned on, too, so he asked me to move behind the driver’s seat so at least manong driver wouldn’t really see what we’re doing back there. We kept kissing torridly, then I started groping his hard dick. I unzipped his pants and gave him a hand job. I wanted him inside me, but since manong driver had been shooting glances at us on the rear view mirror, I decided to just let my boyfriend play with my clit. He finger-fucked me while I was grabbing his hands, gesturing to fuck me harder. I let my boyfriend fuck me with four fingers! It really felt good, but I was bitin that I was not able to ride him all the way. Before we got home, I gave him head. I went up and down his joystick, working my mouth from his head down until he squirted on my face. It was literally a joy ride! When we paid the driver, he rolled his eyes and said, “Diyan na nga lang kayo!” His seat covers probably were really wet. Miss Taxi, by email

AI N ’ T N O M O U N TAI N H I G H E N O U G H It was in July 2013 when a guy friend invited me to trek Mt. Maculot. It was a Saturday morning when we started our way up the mountain, and we were both hungover from a Friday night-out with friends. While walking up the mountain, he kept on cracking green jokes to keep us up and alert. In all fairness, he really made me laugh, and somehow I found him cute and attractive because of his humor. He even joked that sex on a mountain would be great and exciting. I didn’t shrug off the idea; I just gave him a naughty smirk. For some reason, our kwentuhan led to sex stories with our exes. It got us turned on and we were starting to hit on each other. When we reached the Rockies by sunset, we let H I S CI N DER ELLA STORY My mom hired a family driver a few years ago—lean, quite good-looking, in his thirties—who I initially didn’t like because he was not really the friendly type. One night, when we got home, I had to walk back to our garage because I left my phone in the van. I was shocked to see our driver casually using my phone. When I walked closer, I realized he was masturbating while browsing through my bikini photos. He caught me staring, but instead of coming clean, he just said, “Madam, ang ganda at sexy mo pala talaga.” I www.fhm.com.ph

the big group of mountaineers go ahead of us. We looked out the area and it seemed clear, so he made me bend over, pulled down my pants and undies, and rammed me from behind. My guy friend’s dick was hard and warm, so I didn’t mind my pussy getting cold since we were a hundred feet up the mountain. We were on to our second round when we heard another group of mountaineers walk past behind the bush we were hiding in. Some mountaineers spotted us, which got us really embarrassed. We hurriedly pulled up our pants and decided to just go down to the camp. We continued the deed in my apartment. Too bad the inner mountain lions in us didn’t get past second round in Mt. Maculot. Kreyzhee, via FHM.com.ph

don’t know what got into me, but when he reached for me, I just let him. He started kissing my neck then slowly reached for my breasts. When he realized I was into him, too, he put my hand on his cock then slowly leaned me close to his hard-on. Next thing I knew, I was giving our family driver a blowjob! I could hear him softly moaning as I sucked faster and harder. It was my first time to suck (and gag on) what looked like an eight-incher. He came in my mouth before I demanded him to return the favor. We did it in our garage, with me against the wall

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while he did me doggy style. My pussy was so wet, so it wasn’t difficult for him to get in my hole. Since then, we would do it in our van every time we were left alone in our house. We even went to a motel one time, and he gave me the best oral sex ever. Three months into our shenanigans, I decided to call it quits with my boyfriend. I realized it’s a big deal when your partner can’t even make you moan in bed. Now I’m married to our then-driver with two kids. Yes, quite his wild Cinderella story, I guess. Naomi, by email MARCH 2014 FH M 47

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S H E

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SEEING MARIAN RIVERA AT 5:30 A.M.— SHE IN A GOSSAMER WHITE SHIRT AND SPORTING A BARELY MADE-UP, ALMOST FRESH-OUT-OF-BED LOOK—ONE COULD SAY IT’S AS GOOD AS WAKING UP NEXT TO THE SEXIEST WOMAN IN THE LAND MARK NICDAO INTERVIEW: ALEX C. PAITA LIZ UY AND HAIR: KRIST BANSUELO

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S O

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There she was, actively participating in an early morning prattling with the crew at the private hangar’s lounge, as we all waited for our 7 a.m. departure to Balesin Island*. Early call times like this never fail to open our minds up to vital life lessons (“Should’ve stopped at two bottles last night”; “Coffee makes everything possible”), but this time we lived by one absolute truth: Ang ganda pala talaga niya . Marian, sans the workings of our styling crew, was glowing in her bagong gising alabaster skin. We could’ve shot her for the cover right there and then, and believe us, we still could’ve kept our jobs. The call time at the hangar, by the way, was 6 a.m., one hour before our flight. Marian got there at

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around 5, way ahead of everybody. And this is exactly why she stays ahead of everyone else.

We just wrapped up the fastest outof-town shoot in FHM history! It’s our first time to travel 95 air miles for a one-day shoot. How about you? We bet sanay ka nang magpa-ano… Magpa-ano? Ha ha! Magpalipat-lipat ng lugar in very short periods of time—unlike us, we’re such noobs! Oo naman. My line of work requires me to move from one location to another. Pero lahat matagal. Parang wala akong napuntahang isang lugar na one day lang ako dun. You turned a part of the beach front into a dressing room—something we didn’t really expect from a star of your caliber. Kailangan mabilis, so pag shoot talaga ready ako sa ganyan. Kahit saan puwedeng magbihis basta may talukbong! Considering you’re the Marian Rivera, what’s the most public place that you frequent? Mall! Ha ha ha! Rockwell. Do you put on a disguise—a fake mole or a blonde wig perhaps—to confuse your A-list fans? Not really. I just try to be myself. Iba naman kasi ang soap opera, iba’t-iba yung character na ginagampanan mo. Pero sa totoong buhay, relax lang. People can see on Instagram @therealmarian how I’m like off-cam, kasi mahilig akong mag-post lalo na kapag kasama ko yung lola ko tsaka mama ko, whenever we travel or just dine together. Ayan, naka-post yan sa Instagram. Oh yeah, you do have Instagram now! Oo, at first time kong magkaron ng social media. This is where I open myself up to show people kung sino ba talaga si Marian Rivera. Para malaman naman nilang hindi puro showbiz life. Ito yung buhay ko sa likod ng camera. But you still aren’t on Twitter. Why? Ayaw ko, okay na ako sa Instagram. I won’t be able to manage more than one

account. And I like Instagram because I feel in control of things. And I like expressing myself through pictures kasi mahilig akong mag-collage, mahilig ako sa scrapbook, so mas na-aappreciate ko siya. Way before you had your own Instagram account, there had been too many hacks posing as you on social media. Does that enrage you? I’ve said this before: It’s okay to use my name, or for someone to pose as me. Ang ayaw ko lang ay yung sa mga pangalan na ginagamit nila ay nakakasakit sila ng ibang tao. As long as they don’t hurt anyone, I’m fine with it. Wag lang silang makakasakit. It’s nice to picture you tinkering with your smartphone and making collages just like a regular gal. What other “normal people” stuff do you do in your free time? Mahilig akong magluto, mahilig akong mag-bake, nagpe-paint ako, at mahilig akong manood ng cartoons! Are you not scared of getting mobbed by fans anymore? Not anymore. I can handle it. Sabi ko nga okay lang lapitan, okay lang magpa-picture, okay lang magpaautograph, wag lang akong sasaktan. Kasi di ba, siyempre, tao ka lang, pag nasasaktan ka magre-react ka talaga. What are the things they do to hurt you? Kinukurot, hinahatak yung buhok, ha ha! Mga ganun. That’s insane! Siguro natutuwa sila, hindi nila mapigilan yung sarili nila. Naiintindihan ko naman pero wag lang talaga yung sobra. It’s the first time we saw you at 5:30 a.m., looking fresh out of bed. Or were you actually wearing something on your face? Because we thought, ang ganda mo pala talaga… [blushes] Ha ha! Napa-ganun talaga. Mukha ba akong naka-makeup nun, sobrang puting-puti nga yung mukha ko.

Is that your pre-game song, to get you pumped up for the shoot? Hindi naman. Masaya eh, parang relaxed lang. Pero depende talaga sa mood ko. Minsan old songs na love songs, minsan hip-hop. We remember your first time with us, we couldn’t get anywhere near you. But now you seem more approachable; you talk more to people.

Siguro bilang second time ko na ito, and I know how you guys work. Mas masarap makipagtrabaho nang walang wall, mas transparent ka na sa kung ano yung gusto at ayaw mong gawin. Very amenable naman ang FHM sa mga gusto kong gawin. Wow, do you like us now? Hindi naman ako magsu-shoot nang ganun kung hindi ako nagtitiwala at hindi ko kayo gusto! We really thought nakatsamba lang kami, but here you are proving us wrong. Actually yun ang sinabi ninyo, but no, here I am again! Ibig sabihin malaki ang tiwala ko sa FHM dahil sa past na ginawa kong ngayon ay ginawa ko ulit. What did we do right to deserve this? Well, I told you I didn’t want you to take behind the scene photos kasi nako-conscious ako, and you listened to me. With regard to the concept, you gave me the makeup artist, stylist, and photographer I wanted. Walang dahilang mag-attitude ka, kumbaga nag-meet halfway tayo na pinagbigyan ninyo ako, pinagbigyan ko kayo to produce the best possible outcome.

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Also, we were observing you on the plane on the way to Balesin. You did seem more at ease this time. Oo naman, kasi the first time I won the Sexiest Woman title, parang Marimar pa yata yung ginamit ninyong picture nun. Tapos binigyan ako ng chance na mag-pose sa FHM. Although I was confident and felt I was ready— nagwo-work out naman ako—I still wasn’t used to posing in a bikini. So bilang may nangyari nang pictorial na ganyan—hindi naman sa nasanay—pero siguro mas lumakas lang yung loob kong gawin dahil mas malaki na yung tiwala ko sa sarili ko. You had your earphones on half the duration of the flight. What were you listening to? Yung type of music ko iba, depende sa mood. Kanina, “Only Wanna Be With You,” by Hootie and the Blowfish.

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Does this mean talks about your third FHM cover will be a breeze? Oo naman. Tinanggap ko ulit itong pangalawang pagkakataong magshoot ako sa inyo dahil naniniwala akong malaking event ito sa inyo dahil anniversary ng FHM. Ayan, ako ulit. I’m happy that you keep me in mind for your 14th anniversary. At balita ko ay 22 pages daw ang gusto niyong feature ko—ang dami! Ha ha! It’s your issue! No one is more fit to headline our Bikini Heaven/summer hotties special than you. Speaking of which, you are so white. Are you secretly scared of the sun? I’m not scared of getting dark, takot lang akong magka-freckles kasi tisay ako, so kapag naaarawan ako nagkaka-freckles ako at nagsisimula talaga sa ilong! Ang hirap tanggalin! So maraming routine, kasi siyempre as an actress, I have to take good care of my skin. I admit, maarte talaga ako sa skin ko. Hindi ka umiitim? Ah…parang hindi naman ako umitim kanina? Ha ha! Pula-pula lang, ganun.

68 FH M MARCH 2014

But are you a beach person? Before hindi masyado pero ngayon gusto ko na siya. We’ve never seen you in Boracay or Matabungkay. What secret beaches do you go to? Maldives, Amanpulo. Basta ang target ko eh mapuntahan ang lahat ng kagandahan ng Pilipinas. Ha ha! Is the beach for relaxation or for partying hard? Mas gusto ko yung relax, tapos artearte, swimming-swimming. More on nakaupo lang siguro, iinom ng juice, kakain, kasi mahilig akong kumain eh. You never party at night? Rarely. I’m really a homebody. Siguro magpa-party ako minsan lang pag may event. I’d rather stay at home, or eat out, pero yung literal na party, hindi ako ma-party na tao eh. Say you were stuck on an island by yourself. What are your survival tactics? I’m very independent, and I believe when you’re independent, nothing is impossible. Siguro pag na-stranded ako ang una kong gagawin, gagawa muna

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ako ng silong para makapagpahinga ako. Kasi kung hahanap ako nang hahanap ng pagkain, tapos wala akong mahanap, at mapagod ako, wala akong tutulugan. So mas magandang mag-rest muna ako, get some energy, after which I can go hunt for food. So, on to your show, Carmela: Ang Pinakamandang Babae sa Mundong Ibabaw. Among all your shows, is this the one with the most male viewers? Hindi naman, kasi yung Marimar marami din naman—yung Dyesebel, Darna, Ang Babaeng Hinugot sa Aking Tadyang, marami rin. We read there’s going to be more sexy scenes. Please tell us this is true! Siguro yung approach, lang kasi si Carmela, sa slums siya nakatira eh—parang loose yung mga blouse niya, medyo nakikita yung bra niya na dedma lang siya. Some male viewers may find that very sexy, kasi nakikitaan eh. For example, may rape scene ako na nilaslas yung damit ko so may konting flash na nakita, na with bra.

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M A R I A N

Can you say this the sexiest soap you’ve done? Marimar is very sexy; Dyesebel is topless; Darna is two-piece. So mas malala yung mga yun. Ano pa ba? Hinugot sa Aking Tadyang is very sexy din. Ang Amaya is topless din. So marami. Your two-time Sexiest woman win is justified. We also read on PEP.ph that you taught your male co-star in Carmela to kiss? Hindi naman nagturo, pero kasi nararamdaman kong nate-tense siya. It’s our first time to work together. So since I’m more experienced, been in showbiz for a longer time, ako yung mas matagal sa showbiz, siyempre gusto ko siyang alalayan. Both of us will benefit from it. Magtuturuan kami kung saan kami kumportableng dalawa. I just make him feel it’s just part of the job, and work is work. We are awful kissers. Any tips on how we can make it better? Do you believe in tongue exercises? Ay! Ha ha! Naniniwala kasi akong pag mahal mo ang isang tao, hindi mo kailangang turuan kung pano ka niya hahalikan. That should come out naturally. A man is intimidated by you. What do you do to make him more relaxed? People know me for being transparent in everything I say, feel, or do. Wala akong wall. What you see is what you get. So far naman, sa mga nakakatrabaho ko wala pang hindi panatag sa akin, lahat ginagawa kong panatag sa akin para mas maayos yung trabaho namin. We salute you for that. You won a Best Foreign Artist award in

Vietnam. How on earth did you reach Vietnam? Some of GMA-7’s shows are sold overseas—it’s all over Cambodia, Vietnam, Africa, etc. It happened that two of my shows are being shown in Vietnam, and I feel lucky that the Vietnamese viewers have come to like me. Binigyan ako ng chance na pumunta dun para makapag-guesting sa show nila. Mainit yung pagtanggap sa akin dun. Eh merong voting na nangyari. Natutuwa akong nanalo ako, na binoto nila ako. Speaking of fans, we hear you talking a while ago about how the fanaticism here is crazy. Can you tell us more? Parati kong sinasabing ang artista, kahit anong galing, kahit anong ganda, kung walang mga taong nagmamahal sa kanila at fans na magpu-push sa kanila pataas, I don’t think they’d be successful. You owe it to your fans why more people love you kasi sila yung nandyan para ipagtanggol ka, para ipagmalaki ka kung anong kakayahan mo. I’m lucky that I have a fans club na sobra-sobrang magmahal sa akin. Siguro yun yung isa sa pasasalamat ko sa Diyos na itong mga fans na ito, sa hirap at ginhawa, sa saya man o hindi, nandiyan sila para sa akin. The 100 Sexiest campaign season starts in two months. If you take the top spot again, it’s going to be your third time—and our first time to have a three-time Sexiest woman. This is history in the making. Ever thought of that?

R I V E R A

Ha ha ha! Basta ginawa ko itong pictorial para sa lahat ng nagtitiwala sa akin, pero #aja [Korean for “fight!” -Ed] Ha ha ha! Well then, thanks for making history with us! Thank you! Ha ha! FHM

MARIAN’S FOUR-POINT GUIDE TO PULLING A GIRL ON THE BEACH The approach “ It depends. First of all, make sure she’s single. Ha ha! Be sensitive. Kasi malay mo, kasama niya yung boyfriend niya tapos magtatanong ka, parang unethical naman yata. If she’s part of an allgirl group... Approach her in a nice way na hindi mayabang. Kung gusto mo lang makipag-kaibigan, wala naman sigurong masama. How to make sure she doesn’t have a batak na bangkero for a boyfriend Siguro observe mo muna, kilalanin mo muna kahit konti lang... Danger signs to watch out for Naniniwala naman akong kung ang isang babae ay may kasamang boyfriend sa beach, malamang kadikit niya yun at nagho-holding hands sila. So dun pa lang makikita mo na: Ay, taken siya. Bilang taken siya, ipasok mo ang respeto sa kapwa mo.

M A R I A N

74 FH M MARCH 2014

R I V E R A

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RIVER ISLAND LEOPARD PANTS

CRU DIAMOND DROP NECKLACE, P13,500; HOUSE OF LAUREL DIAMOND DROP EARRINGS, P3,495

D L U O

A G G N N O O I L ? S A O A S D W

W T HA

life n e Wh you es , v i g ns o m le irt u q s ne o e som e eye h in t the like sic s cla ster g gan n io act that r sta re! a you

N: ATIO DEM

MA ISEI IL

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LT AGU

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THE SITUATION: A big bruiser of a dude swoops in to take what was clearly your turn to be served at the bar. YOUR USUAL RESPONSE: You’ll stare straight ahead as if nothing unpleasant has transpired, but you’re obviously fuming mad deep inside. ACTION-HERO RESPONSE: When the bartender slides a bottle toward his direction, you grab it and engage him in a staring contest. You allow yourself to get hit once just so you could tumble at a nearby table and give the ladies a wink. You gain leverage by grabbing his belt buckle, followed by a kick to his ballsack. As he grimaces in pain, you thud him toward your bouncer buddy Bonel, who throws him out of the bar. Riding the glory, you grab the saxophone from the showband to play a kick-ass rendition of Timmy Cruz’s “Boy.” SNAPPY ONE LINER TO FINISH ON:

“KUNG KAYO LANG ANG MAGIGING KAIBIGAN KO, BIBILI NA LANG AKO NG ASO”

R NG E W I P O P P TRI THE SITUATION: You’re at the U.S. Embassy applying for a visa for the fourth time, but the immigration officer is giving you a hard time even though you’ve brought all the necessary documents. Worse, he’s acting like a total douche. YOUR USUAL RESPONSE: You feel prejudiced, but you keep your grief all to yourself. Guess that Vegas trip won’t happen after all. GANGSTER-ACTION-HERO RESPONSE: Calm and composed, you politely ask for your documents back. As soon as he leans over to hand your papers, you grab his necktie and pull it toward your direction, slamming his head on the glass

window in the process. With his face pressed against the glass, you whisper the following in his ear: “Look, officer. I don’t want to have to do this, but you’re giving me a hard time. And I don’t like it. Not one bit. You’re the only one standing in my way, and between you and me, I am this close to losing my shit. Believe me when I tell you that you do not want that to happen. You do not want that on your conscience. Because I know you got kids at home, and they love you very much, and I don’t want to have to take their daddy away from them. Now here’s what I need you to do: I need you to do your fucking job for once and grant me that visa, all right? Just sign the fucking papers and I’ll be on my way. Okay, pumpkin?” Clearly intimidated, he does what he’s told.

SNAPPY ONE LINER TO FINISH ON:

“PATI BATAS BINABOY MO. PINUNO MO NA ANG SALOP, OFFICER. MALAPIT NA KITANG KALUSIN”

WHAT WOULD ASIONG SALONGA DO?

N O E P M E R THE SITUATION: Your shady third cousin, who owes you a couple of grand, won’t answer your calls, and you’re pretty sure you’ve been scammed.

YOUR USUAL RESPONSE: You want to let it go because he’s family, but dammit, you can’t believe people still do that. GANGSTER-ACTIONHERO RESPONSE: You drive down to an old empty warehouse to have a rendezvous with a gang of con men. “One last job, and we go our separate ways,” you tell them.

Your right-hand man Efren tracks the target down and takes photographs of him in a casino—that elusive bastard’s been living the life after all. Carmen, who is equal parts beauty and brains, flirts with him from the blackjack table and leaves her hotel room key card on the coaster. Guess who’ll be smacking him in the head when he steps inside? That’ll be Tonyo, the muscle of the group. He wakes up five minutes later and sees you sitting on a flipped chair, looking dapper alongside the rest of the gang. Without a fight, he pays back the money he owes you…plus interest.

SNAPPY ONE LINER TO FINISH ON:

“GAGAWIN KONG ALKANSYA NG BALA YANG BAO NG ULO MO”

E N O H L P L S E BU H

THE SITUATION: You’re on a packed bus. Behind you, a scowling teenager in a hoodie is blasting distorted drum ’n’ bass out of his phone at ear-knifing volume.

YOUR USUAL RESPONSE: You keep on waiting for someone to stand up and retort on everyone else’s behalf, but much like yourself, they’re all just as weakwilled as you are. ACTION-HERO RESPONSE: If you’re going to burn your ears out, might as well be courtesy of that kid’s ghastly screams. Poke the conductor in the eye, yank the bus driver from his seat, and take control of the wheel. Now push the vehicle to its limits and beyond: drift around corners, jump off skyways, overtake other vehicles at record speed, and screech the tires until the bus gives out. With a lot of torque, the bus will miraculously collapse inches away from the old lady trying to cross the road. You hear nothing but silence—this means the punk’s learned his lesson–but you do smell the stink of poop, and it’s coming from his pants. 82 FH M MARCH 2014

SNAPPY ONE LINER TO FINISH ON:

“HINDI AKO MATAPANG. DUWAG KA LANG”

WHAT WOULD ASIONG SALONGA DO?

E R C A S S A M E CIN THE SITUATION: You’re trying to enjoy the movie, but the loudmouths seated two rows behind you can’t stop talking about what they think is going to happen in the next scene.

YOUR USUAL RESPONSE: You roll your eyes and tough it out until the movie wraps up. And then you give them the crazy eye when the lights go back up. GANGSTER-ACTIONHERO RESPONSE: You proceed upstairs to take out the projectionist with your formalin-soaked hanky and assume your position right in front of the projector— the audience should see a humongous silhouette of yourself on the big screen. They’ve left you with no choice but to hold the film reel ransom until the jackasses on the back row shut their traps. Surrender without force when the mall cops come in, and enjoy the audience applause as they drag you out of the Cineplex. Congratulations, you’ve sacrificed yourself for the greater good.

D O O F T S FA

T H G I F THE SITUATION: It has been a terrible day, but you know everything’s going to be okay once you get a hold of that late-night quarter pounder. Except the fast-food crew tells you: “Ser, not available na po yung order natin.” YOUR USUAL RESPONSE: You briefly express your disappointment—as if it’s her fault—and order something else anyway. GANGSTER-ACTION-HERO RESPONSE: Your boisterous partner-in-crime, Victor, jumps in to find out what’s taking you so long. He calls you a diva and warns the lady crew about your short fuse and arbitrary nervous breakdowns. You retaliate by letting everyone know that

SNAPPY ONE-LINER TO FINISH ON:

“Kahit anong oras, kahit saang lugar, dala ko ang bayag ko”

Victor is a crazy S.O.B. who belongs in the premises of Muntinlupa City Jail. He bounces back by spilling the beans on your crooked past as a small-time hit man. You make it personal by saying that he will never be good enough for your sister Elena, which pisses him off to a great extent. You point your guns at each other and the place empties out in an instant. But just when a shootout is about to take place, you both shift your attention to the lady crew, who nervously blurts out: “Ay, ser, meron pa pala nung order niyo!” You and your partner walk back to the police car, burgers in hand.

SNAPPY ONE-LINER TO FINISH ON:

“KUNG MAY RANGGO ANG MGA TANGA, HENERAL KA” 84 FH M MARCH 2014

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WHAT WOULD ASIONG SALONGA DO?

E E C C I N F A F O OM R

THE SITUATION: You have a massive crush on the new girl at work, but she has a strict zero-office romance policy. She also thinks there are no cute guys in the office at all. YOUR USUAL RESPONSE: You act like you don’t give a damn, but you’re totally devastated deep inside. Oh, God, it hurts so bad. GANGSTER-ACTION-HERO RESPONSE: You hear the resident office scumbag, Vergel, tell his mates about how he plans to bed the new girl after one date. You respectfully ask Vergel to step back, but he takes a swing at you instead. You retaliate with a jab, another jab, and several more jabs after that, before you finish him off with a haymaker. The new girl tends to your wound—a cool-looking gash in your cheek—with cotton balls. And then, after what seems like an eternity of uninterrupted eye contact, chest panting, and heavy breathing, you finally lock lips. SNAPPY ONE LINER TO FINISH ON:

“Taas na nga kamay ko sa’yo , mahal na nga yata kita. Maging sino ka man”

m o r f x t e x te the

THE SITUATION: While borrowing your phone to check her emails, your girlfriend stumbles upon a text message from your exflame, whom you replied to with a smiling emoticon. She raises her eyebrows—you know you’re fucked.

YOUR USUAL RESPONSE: You go cold all over, then stammer out, “Ah, eh, ano ‘yan…wala… nangangamusta lang. Basta. Ha ha!…Labyu…” This does not appease her. ACTION-HERO RESPONSE: Hop into your owner-type jeep, drive a hundred miles up north, and never look back. Start a new life as a sharecropper, and slowly but surely, you earn a probinsiyana lass’s trust…and her love. If anyone ever comes asking for you, respond with: “Matagal na siyang patay. Huwag mo nang hanapin ang taong lumagay na sa tahimik.” SNAPPY ONE LINER TO FINISH ON:

“TRABAHO LANG ITO, WALANG PERSONALAN” 86 FH M MARCH 2014

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THE PRICE O LOSE YOUR V-CARD Visit your friendly neighborhood sauna. Risky in terms of health safety (read: STD), so don’t forget to wear rubber.

TULI

P2,500-

THE HARD WAY Try losing your virginity through a legit date. Play your cards right, wine her, dine her, and you might just get lucky.

P5,000

GRADE SCHOOL

HIGHER LEARNING Since most men need a job to define them, you’ll most likely need a college degree.

P40,000 x 6 years

HIGH SCHOOL

P40,000

DRINKS: ON YOU! Or better yet, the testosterone version of a debut—the rockin’ 21st birthday.

x 4 years

DRIVER’S LICENSE

AGE 0-18

P585.26

AGE 19-25

How much must one spend on the road to becoming

SPAKOL

RITE OF PASSAGE Unless you’re Jewish, you’ll probably undergo this minor operation. Being foreskin-free allows your nether regions to be hygienic (and free from amoy-kulob) for future man-approved kinkiness. Nangangamatis: guaranteed!

P1,200-

P1,800 DINNER + MOVIE + PACK OF CONDOMS

P1,000 + P500

ISKUL BUKOL A primary and secondary education could ensure a brighter tomorrow…unless you decide to cut class and screw graduation.

+P60 COLLEGE P40, 000

FAST AND FURIOUS Because having a driver is for rich grandmas

X 4 YEARS

DRINKS + PULUTAN

P3,000 88 FH M MARCH 2014

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F MANHOOD a full-fledged man? An ass-load, it appears…

WORDS: ANTON D. UMALI

FIRST REAL

SUIT P10,000 FIRST

CAR HOUSE P1 million

CONDO

P700,000 - P2 million

P3.5 million

GETTING MARRIED P500,000 BACHELOR

PARTY

A DAD

P60,000

SENDING YOUR KID TO SCHOOL

GRADE SCHOOL

P40,000 x 6 years

HIGH SCHOOL

COLLEGE

P40,000 x 6 years

P40,000 x 5 years

GRAND TOTAL OF YOUR MANHOOD

*P3 MILLION

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DRESS LIKE A MAN Feel like a stud in your first set of fancy digs.

MAN-CAVE A king has got to have a castle (or some semblance of it, at least)

GREATER PURPOSE Having your spawn pulled out of your woman is not cheap. Evolution: quite pricey.

HOT WHEELS Assuming you opt for a subcompact sedan like the Toyota Vios

PUT A RING ON IT The culmination of you and your girl’s coupling will entail preparations and a party for you and your best buds

YOUR TIME TO PAY When evolution leads to history repeating itself…

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* T HI S I S A R OUN D E D - OF F R OUG H E ST I MA T E O F T HE S UM OF Y O UR MA N H OOD . BI TC H INGLY EXPENSIVE? W E KNOW .

BECOMING

AGE 26+

P30,000 ENGAGEMENT RING P40,000

MARCH 2014 FH M 89

WANT TO GIVE YOUR GIRL SOME A-CLASS THUG LOVIN’? LET OUR LADY EXPERTS

SPLASH WATERFALLS

CANDYSH

LUDACRIS

MY NECK, MY BACK KHIA

FIRST YOU GOTTA PUT YOUR NECK INTO IT DON’T STOP, JUST DO IT, DO IT THEN, YOU ROLL YOUR TONGUE FROM THE CRACK BACK TO THE FRONT THEN YOU SUCK IT ALL ’TIL I SHAKE AND CUM, NIGGA MAKE SURE I KEEP BUSTING NUTS, NIGGA ALL OVER YOUR FACE AND STUFF “She wants you to blow her and she wants to cum on your face,” says Ana. While your lady may be thrilled at the thought, she makes no mention about returning the favor. However, Ana notes: “Not all—in fact, not many—women want to have you cum on their face. In truth, most of the time, she fights back gag reflex and may not like how you taste.

Even with the medicinal benefits of sperm—good skin, yada yada yada—this money shot is a scene best played out on a porn set, not in your bedroom. Trust me, this is something you don’t want to try without asking her or talking about it with her. Good 101 info on a blow job, though, I’ll give you that much.”

Panel of Experts ARRA PASCUAL FHM Girlfriend, Pioneer DJ Philippines Brand Ambassador, and Chill Skybar’s Resident DJ. Twitter: @arrapascual Facebook: Facebook. com/ArraPascual

ANA P. SANTOS Sex columnist, award-winning public health journalist, and founder of www. sexandsensibilities. com Twitter: @dash_ of_sas

CHANEL LATORRE FHM Babe, sensuality expert, Clickthecity. com’s Best Actress/ Indie Princess for 2013 Facebook: Facebook. com/chanel-latorre

THEY WANT IT NICE AND SLOW, KISS ’EM FROM HEAD TO TOE RELAX AND LET IT GO—SAY IT (MAKE LOVE TO ME) THEY WANT IT NOW AND FAST, GRABBIN’ AND SMACKIN’ ASS YOU GOTTA MAKE IT LAST—WHAT? (FUCK, MEEE!) “Like it or not, you gotta listen to Ludacris on this one!” exclaims Chanel. “Girls love it nice and slow at the beginning, but eventually, when the oven is hot, and the pan is greased, you’d want to stick in that baguette and start cooking!”

50 CENT

I’LL TAKE YOU TO THE CANDY SHOP I’LL LET YOU LICK THE LOLLIPOP GO ’HEAD GIRL DON’T YOU STOP KEEP GOING ’TIL YOU HIT THE SPOT, WHOA Fiddy’s message is clear: “Make me cum and don’t stop,” says Ana. But what “spot” is he talking about, you ask? Positively it’s the frenulum, that thin slab of skin under the head that connects the head to the foreskin. Now, to keep her coming back to your “candy shop,” just follow these washing instructions: Always use warm water and mild soap; pay special attention to the singit, the area under your balls, and the pubes; avoid using powder and deodorant no matter how tempted you may be. No selfrespecting woman likes a smegma-flavored lollipop.

MAKIN’ LOVE

AIN’T NO

FUN (IF THE HOMIES CAN’T HAVE NONE) SNOOP DOGG

I’M TOO SWIFT ON MY TOES TO GET CAUGHT UP WITH YOU HOES BUT SEE IT AIN’T NO FUN IF MY HOMIES CAN’T GET A TASTE OF IT ’CAUSE YOU KNOW I DON’T LOVE ’EM “Gang bang?” says Ana. “There are laws against that. Just saying.”

FABOLOUS FEAT. NE-YO

YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR HAIR IN A MESS, DON’T EVEN GET DRESSED TONIGHT WE MAKIN’ LOVE “Dude, a woman will always try to look her best,” says Chanel, “and usually it’s not only to please you. If you are man enough to tell her that you want them as they are in the bedroom, then congratulations! Comfort is one of the keys to great sex!”

TAKE YOU TO SCHOOL WITH THE HELP OF THESE WICKED RHYMES

WORDS: ALEX C. PAITA

m o fr

T IT FRO THE BAC

BODY BUMPIN’

MOBB DEEP

YOU’RE WEAK ON TOP, YOU CAN’T RIDE LIKE A STALLION HIT IT FROM THE BACK, THEN I’M AUDI 5000 BUT IF YOU’RE ILL WE CAN CHILL SMOKE THE FAT PHIL’ A LITTLE SOMETHIN’ JUST TO MAKE SHIT REAL

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT

“The infamous brothers tell it like it is,” says DJ Arra. “It doesn’t matter if your chick is on all fours or if she’s on top; her personality is the key difference between whether she is treated like a queen or just another notch on the belt. If she’s a good conversationalist and has exceptionally strong legs, she’s a real keeper!”

I’M-A GRANT YOUR WISH AND LET YOU KNOW WHAT’S ON MY MIND IT’S ABOUT THAT TIME THAT I HIT YOU FOR SOME BUMP ’N’ GRIND I’M IN THE MOOD FOR YOU, I WANNA FEEL YOUR GROOVE, GIRL YOU CAN CREEP A MOVE, THEN LET’S GO GET UP ON A ROOM MAKIN’ ME DO THINGS THAT I NEVER DID BEFORE

DOIN’ IT LL COOL J [LL COOL J]

I’M IN THE MIX NOW, SEARCHING FOR THE RIGHT SPOT TO HIT NOW, GET DOWN [LESHAUN]

“Never assume a girl wants to have sex with you because she’s dressed a certain way or has even made out with you, or even had sex with you before,” warns Ana. “Consent is never assumed. One of my favorite sex lessons is from Friends with Benefits. Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake had sex before and were FuBus, but when Mila wasn’t in the mood for some ‘bump and grind,’ Justin knew better not to force it. He tried by dancing and prancing, but understood when he needed to take no for an answer. That’s the difference between a man and a plain sleazy prick. The former knows when it’s best to keep his prick zipped.”

MAGIC

STICK LIL KIM FEAT. 50 CENT

I GOT THE MAGIC CLIT I KNOW IF I GET LICKED ONCE, I GET LICKED TWICE “My girlfriends tell me it’s a rarity,” says Arra, “but if you acquire a good tongue game, rest assured the ladies will be begging you to come over again. Consider it your golden ticket!”

DAMN MY LOVER DIG DOWN, YOU USE A RUBBER? [LL COOL J]

MILKSHAKE KELIS

DAMN RIGHT [LESHAUN]

YOU ARE MY LOVER “Exploring the G-spot and making love is fun, but don’t forget to use protection!” Chanel reiterates.

MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD AND THEY’RE, LIKE, IT’S BETTER THAN YOURS DAMN RIGHT, IT’S BETTER THAN YOURS I COULD TEACH YOU, BUT I HAVE TO CHARGE Ana says this could only be about one thing: “Prostitution, or the more literary allusion I’m using in another article I’m working on: negotiable affection. I’ve talked to enough men to know why they would much rather pay for the convenience. Use condoms.”

FREAK

WANNA GET

TO KNOW YOU

ME

G-UNIT

SILK

LET ME LICK YOU UP AND DOWN ’TIL YOU SAY STOP LET ME PLAY WITH YOUR BODY BABY MAKE YOU REAL HOT LET ME DO ALL THE THINGS YOU WANT ME TO DO ’CUZ TONIGHT BABY, I WANNA GET FREAKY WITH YOU “There’s something still very arousing about the way this song puts just a bit out there to get you going, but still leaves some stuff to your imagination,” says Ana. “The way anticipation to sex should be. It’s not about talking about what you can do, more than doing it. Ask a girl—really ask her—if she’s happy with your performance. That’s why women practically invented faking it.”

TEMPTATIONS 2PAC

FUCK YOU

TONIGHT NOTORIOUS B.I.G. FEAT. R. KELLY

REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO PLAY BETWEEN YOUR LEGS? YOU BEGGED FOR ME TO STOP BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHERE IT WOULD HEAD STRAIGHT TO YOUR MOTHER’S BED YOU MUST BE USED TO ME SPENDING AND ALL THAT SWEET WINING AND DINING WELL, I’M FUCKING YOU TONIGHT “You’ve been on a few movie dates, had a few romantic dinners…and then The Day comes,” Arra begins. “It doesn’t matter if you have her weak in her knees from your handy work. If you can’t bring the action to a proper place—just like Biggie recounts—she’s probably not going to let you go the full nine yards. Try planning ahead. Make sure the final destination in is your own place, where you’re undisturbed and there’s nobody else but the two of you.”

PLAY DAVID BANNER

FINGER-FUCK YOUR PUSSY LIKE YOU WANT SOME, GIRL WORK IT LIKE A NIGGA STRAIGHT LICKING ON YOUR PEARL I WANNA SEE YOU CUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DANCE FLOOR A NIGGA CAN’T FUCK, WHAT YOU THINK YOUR FINGER MADE FOR I’MA BEAT THAT PUSSY UP YOU GET IT WET ENOUGH, I MIGHT LICK IT UP LICKEY, LICKEY, LICKEY, LIKE A PEPPERMINT SWIRL LICK THAT CLIT 92 FH M MARCH 2014

AND EVEN THOUGH I’M KNOWN FOR MY ONE-NIGHT STAND I WANNA BE AN HONEST MAN, BUT TEMPTATIONS GO...

I’M STICKIN AND MOVIN, CRUISIN AFTER THE THIRD ROUND JUST LAY BACK BABY AND LET ME DRIVE YOU CRAZY I CAN MAKE A FORTYYEAR OLD FEEL LIKE A YOUNG LADY “Trust your man and you will be a very happy woman!” says Arra.

“I understand that men are just human beings, they get tempted... a lot!” says Chanel.

LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX SALT N PEPA

LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX FOR NOW TO THE PEOPLE AT HOME OR IN THE CROWD IT KEEPS COMING UP ANYHOW DON’T DECOY, AVOID, OR MAKE VOID THE TOPIC CUZ THAT AIN’T GONNA STOP IT We’ve stressed this before: When it comes to trouble-free jiggy between partners, communication is key. “Be mature,” Chanel advises. “Sex is a natural human activity, there’s no harm talking or educating people about it.” You didn’t like it when she shoved a patola up your ass, did you? Then go tell her…

Foreplay shouldn’t only happen in the bedroom when the lights are off; it should start way earlier than that. “Be sneaky,” says Chanel. “Brush your hand against your girl’s thighs and neck, and whisper dirty thoughts while you’re still in the club. Satisfaction comes with persistent pleasuring of your woman.”

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WAIT (THE WHISPER SONG) THE YING-YANG TWINS

BEAT DA PUSSY UP, BEAT DA PUSSY UP, BEAT DA PUSSY UP, BEAT DA PUSSY UP, BEAT DA PUSSY UP, BEAT DA PUSSY UP, BEAT DA PUSSY UP, BEAT DA PUSSY UP Arra lets us in on a secret: “Straddling, on top, bottom, from behind, in the shower—whatever you choose, remember what they say: ‘If you’re gonna do it, do it right.’”

IN YOUR

LOLLIPOP

FREEK-A-LEEK

LIL WAYNE FEAT. STATIC

I NEED A GIRL THAT I CAN FREAK WIT, AND WANNA TRY SHIT, AND AIN’T SCARED OF A BIG DICK. AND LOVE TO GET HER PUSSY LICKED, BY ANOTHER BITCH, CUS I AIN’T DRUNK ENOUGH TO DO THAT

“Give your woman some power/dominance in bed, and she will make you a very happy man!” advises Chanel.

ONE-MINUTE MAN

If you are confident the ladies involved here will prefer your disco stick to their lady harps, then do it. “A little warning, though,” says Arra. “Girls are by nature sensitive to each other and this kind of adventure may leave a guy outside of their world.”

TONIGHT I’MA GIVE IT TO YOU, THROW IT TO YOU I WANT YOU TO COME PREPARED, OHHH YEAH (OH YES) BOY IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME, A CRAZY LONG TIME AND I DON’T WANT NO MINUTE MAN, AND THAT’S REAL GIVE IT TO ME SOME MORE

HOT SEX A TRIBE CALLED QUEST

According to a study made by Janssen Cilag Asia Pacific, 20 percent of Pinoy men aged 1835 suffer from premature ejaculation. “Guys must always remember that bursting the dam too early is always disappointing!” says Chanel.

DON’T BE BITTER, I HEAR THAT HONEY RESEMBLES A CRITTER HEARD SHE LIKES TO DO ONE-ONE MY MAN JOHN RITTER BUT BACK TO THE SUBJECT YOU CAN’T CATCH WRECK YOU MUST GET RESPECT TO EARN RESPECT “Don’t hate if she likes to get her friends in the mix because I’m certain it’s only going to spice things up for you,” says Arra. “That being said, don’t abuse her open-mindedness, otherwise it might just backfire. Adding another person to the equation makes things seriously interesting—besides, it’s most likely a fantasy of yours already.”

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AKINYELE FEATURING KIA JEFFRIES

PETEY PABLO

I GET HER ON TOP, SHE DROP IT LIKE IT’S HOT AND WHEN I’M AT THE BOTTOM, SHE HILLARY RODHAM THE MIDDLE OF THE BED, I’M GIVING/GETTING HEAD I’M GIVING/GETTING HEAD, I’M GIVING/GETTING HEAD I SAID, I LIKE THAT

MISSY ELLIOTT FEATURING LUDACRIS

MOUTH I GET SPRUNG ONCE I FEEL YOUR TONGUE IN THE CRACK OF MY ASS, YES I NEED A NIGGA GOIN’ OUT LIKE THAT BOY YOUR PACK IS SUCH A TASTY TREAT AND YOU CAN EAT ME OUT “Anal sex,” explains Ana, “is not gay sex. And this song pretty much says so, I think. Just remember to use lots of lube for anal sex. The anus does not self-lubricate like the vagina and is more prone to tears or lesions when penetrated. And always, always use condoms for anal sex. The rate of transmission of sexually transmitted infections is a lot higher from anal sex vs. vaginal sex for the reason cited above.”

BINIBINI ANDREW E.

SA PAJERO PA LANG, PINAKIRAMDAMAN KO NA INIT NG KANYANG HAPLOS AY AKING DAMANG-DAMA WAH, ANG LAMIG SA PAJERO, NGUNIT SIYA’Y HOT NA HOT GILID NG AKING TENGA’Y PILIT N’YANG KINAKAGAT Chanel relays some good news: “Women want sex as much as men do! Just give your woman some privacy and learn how to read the signs.”

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WORDS: ALLAN P. HERNANDEZ WITH REPORTS FROM: PONG CASTILLO PROFILE PHOTO OF MR. PALAFOX BY PAUL MONDOK

The grim lesson we are learning from post-Yolanda Leyte: How do we rebuild a

PHOTOS AND IMAGES COURTESY OF PALAFOX ASSOCIATES LIFTED FROM THE BOOK PALAFOX ASSOCIATES: THE FIRST TWENTY YEARS

city that has been leveled insanely flat? The answer: Build ba k better, smarter

FROM THE GROUND UP 350 kph. In Taiwan, their tallest building, and the second tallest in the world after Burj Khalifa in Dubai, was designed to withstand winds of up to 215 kph. What are we missing here? More than a hundred kilometers more of withstanding power. Now it becomes clearer why Leyte suffered much. The question of what if it had been Manila? Unthinkable if you consider our shaky buildings. So architect Palafox has suggested that buildings should be aerodynamic. A good example would be the Burj Khalifa itself: it rises 2,722 feet from desert sand and tapers itself as it reaches higher.

PROPOSED MA NI LA SOUTH H A RBOR RE DE VELOPMENT The numbers still aren’t set in stone, but only because the extent of the devastation is as yet difficult to measure: the cost of rebuilding after typhoon Yolanda, for Leyte and other provinces affected, was first estimated at P350.9 billion, packaged in a government program called the Reconstruction Assistance on Yolanda (RAY). Almost half of it will be for the shelter and resettlement of 10 million people who lost their homes. There is one other event that leveled us to the ground before—as in complete destruction—and it was man-made. In the final moments of the Japanese occupation of the Philippines in 1945, Manila was laid to waste by bombs from both the American liberation forces and the desperate Japanese Imperial Army. Estimated number of lives lost: 100,000. Estimated damage to public property in 1940s money: $230 million. Gen. Dwight Eisenhower, supreme commander of the US Armed Forces, said we were “the most damaged city in the world, with the possible exception of Warsaw [Poland].” We had a chance to rebuild then, but looking at Manila now, we bungled it. We built a Frankensprawl of disjointed parts, sewn together in the wrong places. Now, at great cost to life, limb, and property, we get another. If we get Leyte right, we’d have a blueprint for survival—and for a city of the future. How would the buildings look like? What would your house look like? How do

EXISTING Ermitaño Creek, San Juan City Comprehensive Land Use Plan And Draft Zoning Ordinance

PROPOSED Linear Park

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we get around? FHM took a crash course in architecture, urban planning, and future shock-proofing, sat with architect Felino build deep, build “Jun” Palafox—who has been very vocal for wide, build up quite some time about the need to rebuild our Still looking closer at the cities better and smarter—for his drawings, Burj Khalifa, the totem to to see how to go about this business of human ambition is reconstruction. We lay down a few a perfect example points, because Lord knows if Manila of building deep, BRAZIL’S CAPITAL IS goes down, it’s going to take a hell building wide, ACTUALLY BRASILIA, of a lot of work to build from the building up. To NOT SAO PAOLO OR ground up... get that high, RIO DE JANEIRO. IT’S A you need a wide CITY IN THE HIGHLANDS base. To get that BUILT FROM SCRATCH. build on higher ground wide base, you VERY FAR FROM THE It’s how we reacted when we were need to set it really BEACHES primitive: something happens in the deep in the ground— lowlands, we run for the hills. So here’s so deep as though a letdown to modern life: it worked. So the a giant asteroid hit right obvious recourse for a submerged city would down. Architects call it the have to be to build on higher ground. “The Leyte aspect ratio, or height-to-base flood went as high as eight meters. “So aside dimension ratio. In effect, the from the 40 meter no-build zone, no habitable building is like an iceberg— rooms should be below the flood line,” says what you see is huge, but Palafox. So MMDA Chairman Atty. Francis what you don’t see under is Tolentino wasn’t kidding when he suggested even more huge. We want to maybe we should move Manila to higher ground. see more of building up.

plan on top of a map that shows how the earth breathes and heaves Just any elevated area won’t do. What if the ground underneath liquefies at the first hit of a jackhammer? If you were right on top of a fault line? That is why you plan your city on top of a geohazard map with clear indication of where the danger zones are. Our own Mines and Geosciences Bureau has made headway in mapping out the country’s areas of concern and it should be every city planner to check with the data before breaking ground. Manila is among the top 10 flood-prone areas in the country, so we shouldn’t even be shocked when the water comes rushing in. There’s also a new, very tall condo along C-5, just right across the street from the West Valley Fault Line. Just saying.

buildings should be aerodynamic Yolanda’s winds reached a maximum speed of

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free up as much space as possible Architect Palafox says our cities should have as much space as possible, for many reasons. We want more green, breathing space. “In emergency situations, each town and city should have an evacuation area and each person should have 2.5 sq m. of living space or 10 hectares for 100,000 people.” Building up means we free more space on the ground and still provide decent living for a growing population. It also means that when it floods, we stay dry. Interestingly, in an earthquake we have a good chance. Palafox says that a study conducted on our disaster-preparedness said that only two percent

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FROM THE GROUND UP of buildings in Manila will collapse in an earthquake magnitude 8 or higher, but 40 percent of low structures will go down. But if you still want to live in that sprawling subdivision...

houses should stand on stilts It’s amazing how we forgot about this entirely. Our bahay kubo stood on stilts, to let river water rising pass safely under. You may live in an ultra-modern white minimalist abode, but this is still the Philippines—come a storm surge or another Ondoy, your mod house will be in utter ruin; those in houses on stilts will look dreamily out their windows wondering when it will be all over. Seriously, your house doesn’t have to be on stilts, but it makes perfect sense to leave that first floor space alone and build higher.

also, streets should transform into hospitals

the principle is resilient design

In Marikina, there’s a street at the back of the Eulogio “Amang” Rodriguez Hospital called Cirkulo Marikina. It didn’t use to be there, and didn’t need to be, but they built it anyway. On normal days it’s a fairly busy secondary street and convenient parking space because it’s wider than most Marikina streets. But if you look at the markings on the pavement, instead of usual road symbols you see words like “WARD,” “PHARMACY,” “EMERGENCY” written big enough to be seen from the air. It turns out that the city planning office envisioned it to be an extension of the hospital when disaster strikes Marikina (as in Ondoylevel floods or the Big Quake)—in effect, it would serve as ground zero for rescue operations. But right now, it’s a street. That’s smart mixed-use infrastructure for you.

This is the current byword in architecture and design circles. The idea is first to build to last, and beautiful follows. You build not only to protect from the disasters that have happened in the area, but to build on worst-case scenarios yet to happen. It means building structures that use less energy, and can use renewable energy. It works with nature and not against it. And probably the most important, you can survive in it.

or better yet, houses should float A little after Ondoy in 2009, FHM did a onepager imagining a patent we would file for a floating house—really just a shack with floaters as base. We were half-joking, of course. But turns out Palafox wasn’t when his architectural firm scribbled a few plans for a floating house, with eerily similar ideas as ours. Some of his designs featured a dock-like house. Others looked like the floating villages in Sulu. A few looked like they had pneumatic foundations that raised the house as ground water rose. If ever the time came when houses could be bought in boxes at Handyman, the floating house would be a perfect buy.

streets should swallow water On most of our streets we have storm gutters, in Kuala Lumpur they have the Stormwater Management and Road Tunnel (SMART). It was cited in a United Nations International Strategy for Disaster Reduction handbook for a disaster-resilient city. It’s a 9.7- kilometer long, $514million tunnel that has A RC HIT E C T A ND three levels, URBA N P LANNE R the lowest for F E LINO A. drainage and P ALA F OX, J R. the upper two for road traffic. It shunts floodwater from their business district and keep it in the storage reservoir. Since its launch in 2007 it has reportedly averted seven flash floods. We have something similar here: at Burgos Circle in Fort Bonifacio, Taguig, there’s an underground floodwater impounding facility as big as a five-story building. There had been talk of a government plan to build one at the Marikina watershed, but nothing has come of it yet. So, kanal pa rin tayo.

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THIS IS PALAFOX CITY

T he y s a y i f you bui l d i t the y w i l l c ome . He ha s n’t y et, so n o o ne ’s c omi ng. B ut s ome da y s oon w e mi ght

MEGALOPOLIS Manila as the hub of economic activity will spread out to Bulacan, Pampanga, Bataan, :AMBALES #AVITE ,AGUNA "ATANGAS and as far as Quezon to maximize the possibilities of our coastlines and economic zones. Manila and Bataan will be linked by an undersea tunnel. REVIVED ESTEROS Esteros like the Estero de la Reina in Escolta will be declogged and landscaped. 4HIS WILL BE THE TEMPLATE FOR THE REVIVAL OF other areas with fetid bodies of water NEW URBANISM 4HE NEW URBANISM EMPHASIZES WALKABILITY and mixed use structures. So in areas

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where we have streets that double as palengke, structures will be built to house shops downstairs and living spaces on the second floor. In Marikina, the riverbank will have the river still as the star, but an officeresidential cluster much like Eastwood and Rockwell will also rise THREE LEVELS s 4HE STREET LEVEL WILL HAVE WIDER AND MORE defined sidewalks for pedestrians, cyclists, and public transport s 4HE SECOND LEVEL WILL BE INTERCONNECTED walkways for pedestrians, crucial in floodprone areas. s 4HE THIRD LEVEL WILL BE INTEGRATED MONORAILS THAT CONNECT TO THE -24 AND ,24 FHM

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ON SALES TALK

according to

As fast as they come, the comic genius makes sure that each of his characters can deliver the nastiest of punch lines that can etch a lasting mark on your funny bones

“Nagbebenta ako ng chicharon, bente pesos ang isa, fifty pesos ang dalawa. Bibili? Hindi?” —Aling Mary, Bubble Gang

CO MPIL ED BY: R O N JAY EDUVAS IL L UST R A T IO N : MA R A NEPOMUC ENO

ON MASTER-SERVANT RELATIONSHIPS

ON PERSEVERANCE

MR. ASSIMO: “ Ay Buboy, Biyernes nga pala ngayon. Andyan yung truck ng basura. Yung basura natin ha ?” BOY: Ah, ilalabas ko po ang basura natin ? MR. ASSIMO: “ Tinatanong mo ako kung ilalabas mo yung basura natin ? Ay, wag mo ilabas ! Ilagay mo sa ref at baka masira. At kung may maglalabas, bakit naman ikaw ? Baka mapagod ka. Ako na lang. Hiyang-hiya naman ako sa’yo ’no !”

“Kung gusto mo kayo’y maging together , dapat gumawa ka ng paraan to get her . Na-gets mo?”

—Mr. Assimo, Bubble Gang

—Tata Lino, Bubble Gang

ON SOCIAL MEDIA

“ Anak, kailangan bang punuin mo ng hashtag bawat post mo sa Instagram? Nag-post ka pa kung mas marami pa ang hashtag mo kesa sa picture mo. Ano ’to ? HASHTAGRAM?”

ON FAULT-FINDING

“ Wag mo akong titihin dahil kilala kita! Wala ka ring alam kundi maniti nang maniti! Puro ka titi… Puro ka titi. Puro ka titi! —Cecilio Sasuman, Bubble Gang

—Doña Ina, Bubble Gang

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ON SELF IMPROVEMENT

“ Kung ayaw mo ng nalalait , dapat sa iyo nagdi-diet .”

ON BACK-STABBING

“ Tinitira mo ako ng talikuran , di mo ba alam ako’y nasasaktan? ” —Tom Yan, “Hindi Ako Bakla”

—Tata Lino, Bubble Gang

ON MOTHERHOOD

ON #OOTDs

“Wag mo na akong bigyan ng dahilan para i-deny na anak kita. Anong pagpifeeling yan? Paki-explain? Labyu.”

“ Magkakaroon lang ng pakialam ang mga tao kapag nagpost ka ng picture ng wala kang suot! ” —Doña Ina, Bubble Gang

—Doña Ina, Bubble Gang

ON PEACE & ORDER

“Ayyyt! Katahimikan! Katahimikan!” —MC Bits, Boy Pick-Up

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FHM SUMMER HOTTIES

P H OTO G R A P HY :

E J AY L E U N G O F M I D N I G HT B O N KE R S I NTE R V I E W :

P O N G C A STI L L O

DOING IT RIGHT Keep your summer A-game in check and FH M favorite Nicole Alexandria might just be willing to go strolling on the shore with you

S T YL I N G:

DEBRA BERNALES M A KE U P:

A M A N D A PA D I L L A F O R M AY B E L L I N E H A I R:

R H OY C E RVANTE S F O R L’O R E A L P R O F E S S I O N N E L S P E C I A L TH A N KS TO

M I C O G UT I E R R E Z

It would be quite wrong (and a tad metrosexual) to tell you, dear readers, that it wouldn’t pay to work your ass off in the gym for those Boraworthy abs—especially if said toned torso may warrant you the chance to take model Nicole Alexandria for a stroll on the beach. “Tanned and toned guys who carry surfboards are hot!” she says, when asked about what kind of beach bum she would most probably remove her swimsuit for. If pumping iron and an assload of crunches seem tedious, though, Nicole also appreciates days of playing video games, or a glass or two or her favorite drink, the notorious Wengweng. She’s a surfer, a gamer, and a self-confessed romantic. We say if you ever bump into her walking down some pristine beach this summer, hide that beer gut, arm yourself with some videogame knowledge, and offer to buy her a drink. She just might be willing to take that stroll with you.

T I E H O T

ICOL

E R S U M M

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T I E H O T

ICOL

E R S U M M

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How did you find the shoot? It’s very cold! Ha ha! No, it’s exciting. I really liked the theme. Was it as exciting as being the 100% Hottie for FHM.com.ph last January? Sa studio lang kasi yun eh, dito mas exciting kasi ang ganda ng place. I really like swimming in the pool, going to the beach. It excites me. You’ve gained a lot of followers after that feature. We’re pretty sure many are looking forward to this photo shoot for the magazine. I get embarrassed sometimes. I never thought that I’d gain admirers, but I’m really grateful for them. You started your modeling career in Malaysia as a wholesome 15-year-old. Was it difficult for you to shift to sexy photo shoots? I like sexy shoots better. It’s more my type. I like flaunting my body. Say, a gutsy admirer takes you on a date— would a trip to the beach work? Yes, it’s so me! I also surf kasi eh, kaya game ako sa ganitong environment. You don’t mind getting

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wet, then? Not at all! I like getting wet! How did you get into surfing? A year ago, a friend took me to Quezon. He’s a surfing coach, so I learned from him. I instantly loved it! Then you’re the perfect beach buddy. Any other hobbies? I’m trying to get into basketball because my boyfriend is a basketball player…but the only thing I like about it is playing NBA 2K14, ha ha! I’m a gamer, and I like playing video games with my guy. You’re the ideal girlfriend then. Has gaming ever been an issue in your relationship? I can relate to guys who are addicted to video games. Ako rin naman, minsan hindi ko na napapansin when I’m enjoying myself. Time just flies. But it’s good to put a limit on your gaming so you can devote time to people. I get why girls are irritated by it. Just put a balance between gaming life and personal life. Does your boyfriend engage in your activities? He hasn’t tried surfing with me yet, but we’re

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SWIMWEAR FROM RIP CURL; CAP FROM LE COQ SPORTIF; BOARD SHORTS FROM RIP CURL

planning to. Who would have the biggest chance with you at the beach: a surfer, a diver, or a lifeguard? Surfers, of course! Tanned and toned guys who carry surfboards are hot. We’re sure you’ve done more than surfing at beaches. Any naughty stories you want to share? Hmm…none so far. Kung meron man, matagal nang nangyari yun. Hindi na ako naughty ngayon, ha ha! But we’d like a confession! Ha ha! I’m a good girl…in public. What’s the perfect summer getaway? Take me to a faraway beach with just the two of us. It would also be nice to have a massage by the shore as the sun sets. Sounds romantic. Yes, I’m romantic. But can we also take you out for a few drinks? www.fhm.com.ph

What’s your favorite? Blowjob! Ha ha! No, just kidding. I’m okay with a Wengweng! Say, you’re drunk on a beach, what would you most likely end up doing: sunbathe topless, skinny dip, or kiss a stranger? Hell no, I would never kiss a stranger! Ha ha! But if I’m really, really drunk, and he’s a cute stranger, why not? Ha ha! Beaches are almost always crowded. How do you stand out? I wear bikinis that flatter my cleavage. I like my boobs: they’re natural, perky, and they’re nice! I consider my boobs my asset. I get a lot of compliments on them. We can’t wait for you to do a more daring shoot with us. Well, I’ve done topless. Maybe I’ll go bottomless again next time. FHM

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PH OTOG RAPHY:

E J AY L E U N G O F M I D N I G H T B O N K E R S INTERVIEW:

G E LO G ON ZALE S STYLING: DEBRA BERNALES M A K E U P : A M A N D A PA D I L L A F O R M AY B E L L I N E H A I R : R H OY C E R VA N T E S F O R L’ O R E A L P R O F E S S I O N N E L S PE CIAL THAN K S TO M I CO G UTI E R R E Z

FHM SUMMER HOTTIES

SSWEET WEET EEMOTION OTIONN Nineteen-year-old Bulakeña beauty Lhea B ernardino ignites dangerous feelings of sensual summer innocence

TOP FROM CASA BEACHWEAR; SHOES FROM LE COQ SPORTIF; JACKET FROM LE COQ SPORTIF

S U M M E R

H O T T I E

LHEA Lhea Bernardino is sweet, sincere, and genuinely nice. This is something we have to point with fist-on-the-table emphasis because her devilish sex appeal is impossible not to notice. Look at her sweet face, and that impressive set of big, expressive…eyes. Check out those slim legs that the fashion industry has yet to notice (thank God). And how about that body, which has only gone on to become more endearing with each passing photo shoot? This is Lhea’s third with us. Yet so far, the kind of naiveté and lambing of a true-blue Bulakeña has remained with her, fully. She is the type that gives random back rubs to people (hopefully not to complete strangers on the street), and like a cat frisking your leg, she can suddenly come from behind to grab and hug your arm. It is inevitable that the arm may suddenly brush against those that nourish—at which point, it is the honorable task of any man to prevent any rush of blood 110 FH M MARCH 2014

to the head. A sly girl, Lhea is. Does she not know the effect she has on men? It’s summer, which means it’s time to head for the beach, as Lhea is planning to do. Awkwardly, we ask her if she likes wearing bikinis and if she’s completely comfortable in them. With great luck, she answers in our favor: “Yes, I love bikinis, and I have no problem wearing them.” Perfect. This is your third shoot with FHM. How was the experience? Super overwhelming. I came from the bottom. Then I joined car shows just last April, and doon na nagsimula. I joined a contest for Hot Import Nights, and nanalo ako ng “Face Of The Night.” From there, I’ve been very grateful na nagsunud-sunod na yung appearances ko. It was a bikini contest, and dahil sumasali na rin naman na ako sa beauty pageants prior to that, komportable na rin akong magsuot ng sexy na bikini in front of men and

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other people. What’s the difference between walking in a bikini in a beauty pageant and a bikini contest? Sa beauty pageant, you walk with grace. Sa bikini contest, you walk with sexiness! In a bikini, you show a lot of your body. So what part of your body gets the most compliments? Alam ninyo, minsan hindi sa body eh… sa smile. I get a lot of compliments sa smile ko. Sabi nila it’s sweet and innocent. Ha ha! Sa body naman, legs ang pinakamadalas. It’s not flawless. Pero yung shape at haba niya, sabi nila super proportioned daw sa body ko. Are your legs your favorite part of your body, too? I think, my shoulders. It’s not too bony; it’s not super lapad, bagay na bagay lang siya sa body frame ko. At saka masarap mag-shopping kasi parang super appropriate sa shoulders ko. With your long legs, is it hard to find pants that fit?

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Nahihirapan! Yun ang mahirap. That’s why I only have two pairs of pants…and thousands of shorts. Mahirap kasing makahanap ng mahabang pants na maliit ang waistline. Madalas kapag mahaba, sobrang laki din ng waistline. Excuse our frankness, but one of the things we’ve noticed is that you have really nice boobs. Have you ever gotten compliments for them too? Ha ha! Minsan nga sinasabi nila payat ako pero ang laki ng boobs ko. They’ll ask, “Gawa ba yan?” Sasabihin ko, “Hindi ah! They bounce and they’re soft!” Sabi nila, “Ang galing ah! Ang payat mo pero ang laki ng boobs mo!” I’m a late bloomer actually. I was flatchested back in high school, so now pag nakikita nila ako, they say, “Uy, ang laki mo na ha!” Did you notice the change in terms of how men paid attention to you after your growth spurt? I had a high school crush before. Kaklase ko siya. Close kami, and eventually I confessed to the guy na I www.fhm.com.ph

loved him. He told me na he loved me too…but as a friend. Na-friendzone ako! Ngayon, when he tries to approach me on Facebook, ay ayoko nang pansinin. Di niya nakita yung inner beauty ko before eh! Pero hindi ako suplada ha. I’m very approachable and I like meeting new people. Madali rin akong magtiwala sa tao, and hindi ako mahiyain. You must enjoy crowded beaches then! Alam mo, ngayon ko lang na-e-enjoy yung out-of-town trips. My family didn’t go out that much para magtravel. When I started modeling, that’s when I started getting out-of-town trips because of work. That’s why sobrang excited talaga ako ngayon kasi bagong experience talaga siya sa akin. But of course, nakapag-beach na rin naman ako. Mga three times! And what do you enjoy the most about it? The salty water! Part ako dati kasi ng Bulacan swim team nung Grade 5

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ako, so sawa na ako sa chlorine. Kaya parang na-e-enjoy ko yung challenge na lumangoy sa dagat kahit mahapdi sa mata yung water. I’m always impressed with actresses that play the role of Dyesebel. At saka yung dapo ng araw sa balat mo, iba eh. Iba yung summer warmth. Speaking of warmth, in your first interview, you revealed that you once had sex in a sauna. Would you ever do it on the beach? That’s my dream! But I want the beach to be in a deserted island. Why a deserted island? Because I want to scream all I want without anyone ever hearing me. No one can hear you. Kasi minsan pag sa bahay kayo, pag sumigaw ka, maririnig ka pa ng kapitbahay, di ba? Ha ha! If there’s someone else on the island, eh di magkukumot kami para nakatago pa rin! Does the guy have to have abs? Well, ang alam ko lang, I like abs! FH M

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SWIM SUI T F R OM A R E N A

. I was y ll a u t c a r e m o ‘I ’m a la t e b lo s c h o o l, h ig h in k c a b f la t -c h e s t e d they , o k a a il n a it k ik so now pag na h a !” ’ a n o m i k la g s a y, “ U y , a n

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LHEA S U M M E R

H O T T I E

FHM SUMMER HOTTIES

HHARD ARDD CCANDY ANDYY Prepare your sweet tooth for Tara Medina

0 ( / 4 / ' 2 ! 0 ( 9  0! / , / 0 ) . % $ ! / & - ) $ . ) ' ( 4 " / . + % 2 3 s ) . 4 % 2 6 ) % 7  ! . 4 / . $  5 - ! , ) 349,).' $%"2! "%2.!,%3 s -!+%50 !-!.$! 0!$),,! s (!)2 2(/9 #%26!.4%3 &/2 ,/2%!, 02/&%33)/..%, 30%#)!, 4(!.+3 4/ -)#/ '54)%22%:

T I E H O T

TARA

You can’t really tell from these photos, but model Tara Medina accidentally broke a front tooth right before her scheduled photo shoot. Luckily, one of our photographers is also a dentist. Being the tough and crafty girl that she is, she contacted said lensman and had the damage repaired prior to hair and makeup. Thank you, dentistry! If the sultry Tara (complete set of teeth and all) looks familiar, it’s because you’ve caught a glimpse of her as Ms. November in this year’s Tanduay x FHM calendar. Oddly enough, for that outing we captured the caramel-skinned stunner doing what most dentists probably would not recommend: sucking on a lollipop for your sweet-viewing pleasure. And Tara here is all about pleasure. Despite being in an LDR (that’s long-distance relationship, noob) with her MMA fighter beau, online naughtiness is never an issue–Skype and FaceTime turning into a sexual bridge for the longing lovers. And when they finally get the chance to go mano a mano in person, she says that she can last at least two hours with him in the sack. After which she is a spent splay of ecstatic flesh. That’s Tara enjoying her sugar rush. And these photos are yours... You say you're in a long-distance relationship. Anything good it does to you? It’s good because you can still do everything you want. Pag wala siya, wala akong iniisip munang boyfriend. At the same time, we are both given the space to do the things we enjoy doing separately. How far away is this man of yours? He’s based in Hawaii. We’ve only seen each other five times in person. It’s still great because we are able to work out our relationship kahit hindi kami magkasama. Even if we just see each other through FaceTime, mas nabubuo yung love. In my experience, kahit magkalayo kami, we still make time for each other. But what are some of the drawbacks of not having your partner around all the time? Marami. When I’m happy or sad, I can’t share it with him. Hindi ko siya mahawakan. Have you tried using the Internet to make up for lost intimacy? Yes, nagawa na, ha ha! We get intimate on Skype or FaceTime. We try to get kinky. Sometimes you get tired of all the “I miss you” and “I love you” messages so kailangan ng

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SWIMSUIT FROM RIP CURL; TOPS FROM STOKED; SHOES AND CAPS FROM LE COQ SPORTIF

E R S U M M

S U M M E R

TARA ibang style. Sometimes we make out online. You kiss the monitor? Hindi lang! When I want to get his attention I remove my top. Sometimes I even remove everything. Minsan magbibihis ako sa harap niya. Sometimes when he’s tired, when I know he’s stressed with work or training, when I call him, nakahubad na ako. Nagigising siya! Your guy is an MMA fighter. What do you find attractive in a man who can beat the shit out of anyone in the room? He’s so strong and masculine. In the cage, nambubugbog siya. I like bad boys, the type that people are scared of, ha ha! MMA fighters are really scary because when you see them, their faces are all beat up, and they have cauliflower ears. But when you get to know my man, you’ll realize that he is so soft, so sweet, and so caring. Has he ever used his MMA moves in the bedroom? Yes! He can last for two hours straight! No kidding. Sometimes, he leaves me there like a starfish. Ha ha! Speaking of starfish, are you the type of girl who enjoys www.fhm.com.ph

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H O T T I E

the beach? Yes, I love the sun, sand, sea, seeing bodies, and of course boys. How would you describe your perfect vacation? Just as long as there is a nice beach where I am able to tan, I’m happy. I’m obsessed with tanning. I’m not into party beaches like Boracay so much. I like nature trips and being able to relax. Trunks or board shorts—what should a man's beach wear be? If he is muscular and tall, I prefer trunks. Ha ha! But if he is the boy-next-door type, board shorts are fine. Have you ever had a summer fling? Hindi ko maalala eh. Baka lasing ako nun! Ha ha! How do we get ourselves a summer fling? Just be confident. Even if your body isn’t toned, you’ll stand out if you’re a go-getter. Just enjoy and have fun. And how should a man approach a bikini-clad girl on the beach? Just be man enough. FH M

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S U M M E R

H O T T I E

TARA

SW IMS UIT F R OM A R E N A

‘We get intimate on Skype or FaceTime. We try to get kinky. Sometimes we make out online’

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FHM SUMMER HOTTIES

WATERSPORTS Off court and underwater, Sports5’s Rizza Diaz packs heat

P H O T O G R A P H Y : PA O L O P I N E D A O F M I D N I G H T B O N K E R S I N T E R V I E W : K H Y N E PA L U M A R STYLI N G: R EY SANTOS MAKEUP: JANINA DIZON HAIR: GEORM IMPERIAL S H O T O N L O C AT I O N AT M A X I M S H O T E L , R E S O R T S W O R L D M A N I L A ; S P E C I A L T H A N K S T O J OY A N D R A D E

T I E H O T

A Z Z I R E R S U M M

Things you wouldn’t have known from eyeing this pretty, PBA sportscaster on TV5 three times a week: (1) Rizza looks good in bikinis but can’t swim; (2) She likes basketball but can’t be allowed to play it (“I can’t, pikon ako eh”) and; (3) She can flounder gracefully in the water with her tiny frame, but obviously not-at-all-tiny bosom. When it comes to shameless devotions to the opposite sex, though, she’s a bit like you, too. Only luckier: “Who doesn’t want to be surrounded by the most athletic, good-looking guys na tinitilian ng mga babae? I get the best seat, and I even get to talk to them. Even if they don’t pay me, I’m going to do it! But thank God they do, right? I’d love to stay here for the boys,” she tells us. We’d love to stay tuned to Rizza, too. We’re not used to seeing you in a bikini courtside. Would you say that constantly being around sportsmen and sportsfans has turned you into “one of the boys”? You could say that. Imagine, the people involved: team, coaching staff, cameramen, producer, lahat lalaki—in the staff, siguro tatlo lang kaming babae. Our audience is maledominated. Yung tomboy-ish side of me, the passion I have for basketball and watching sports is there. But at the same time, because I’m the only girl you 122 FH M MARCH 2014

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see on court, I try to glam it up. I think that’s the difference between courtside reporters now from before, dati very conservative yung reporters—now we try to dress up a little sexy. What does “a little sexy” look like? A little sexy is wearing a skirt that’s not too short, perhaps knee-length. I can wear a top that’s sleeveless and a little low on the chest. Kami lang yung konting flavor, konting spice to the day. By “kami,” do you mean you and fellow courtside reporter Erika Padilla? Yes, unfortunately dalawa na lang kaming girls sa PBA. The two of you are, should we say, very different from each other. Yes! Very different. From looks alone, Erika, she’s like, you know—bigger, and I’m petite. But also if you watch us closely, how we deliver our reports, iba yung atake namin. We bring different things to the table, different styles. And your style is… My style is more conversational. I’m like the tsismosa na “so this is what I heard from the huddle,” itsi-tsismis ko yun sa anchor, and then itsi-tsismis ko sa analyst. The terms I use are very masa, I don’t try to sound very intellectual or technical. We try to deliver the human aspect of it.

T I E H O T

RIZZA E R S U M M

‘YUNG KINULANG K O S A H E I G H T, DINALA KO NA LANG SA CONFIDENCE. A LT H O U G H M Y BOOBS—YEAH, THEY STA N D O U T ’

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Has anyone tried to get extra friendly with you between interviews? Hitting on me? Siguro yung mga pa-cute lang. Mga, “Hey, you look nice today” Siyempre mag-re-reply ka lang ng “Thank you.” There was one player—I’m not going to name him, though—who tweeted that when I first talked to him, he got star-struck and his palms were sweaty. I thought it was cute, and then I found out that he had a girlfriend, so I didn’t reply to the tweet anymore. Have you always liked basketball? Love basketball. Looooove! As in! I didn’t watch too much cartoons when I was younger, pero nanonood na ako ng Barangay Ginebra versus Alaska games since I was 6 or 7 years old. I would save money just to buy these magazines that had posters of Ginebra—Jaworski time, when he was coaching. Alaska with Johnny Abarientos. In college, for me to avoid P.E., I would volunteer to help the women’s varsity team. Mag-re-referee ako dun, mag-o-operate ako ng shot clock, mag-sa-stats ako. But you never played? No. I can’t play kasi pikon ako! I don’t like it when people get too close to me. I have such high respect for these guys. Respeto ako sa teamwork and sportsmanship nila. Since you’re around basketball guys so much, can we console ourselves by saying you’re probably sick of them now? No. Hell, no! It’s one of the perks of being a sportscaster. These gentlemen are the hottest of their kind. They’re tall—height is might, and it’s my weakness, too. They’re athletic, they’re built to fight, but they’re not too bulky like a wrestler…they’re just fine. At kung magsasawa ako, I don’t think it will ever be of them. I’d love to stay here for the boys. Ha ha ha! Just to be honest about it. You’ve never dated fat guys before? Wala pa akong boyfriend na hindi fit. Ewan ko, siguro yun lang din yung na-a-attract ko na vibe, kasi yun din yung hinahanap ko. I’m not discounting the fact that there’s more to those types of guys than meets the eye, but then again let’s be realistic, it’s all about physical attraction at first, and my eyes would really go toward matangkad, lean, and moreno men. Ayaw ko ng maputi. Gusto ko ng kulay Filipino, as in Pinoy-looking. You’re a petite lady, but your, erm, other parts don’t seem all that small. Yeah, I guess you could say that. Physically, I’m petite, but I have long-ish enough legs na hindi ako mukhang short. Parang somehow I’m sexy of equal parts. Yung kinulang ko sa height, dinala ko na lang sa confidence. Although my boobs—yeah, they stand out. FH M

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‘I’D LOVE TO STAY H E R E F O R THE BOYS’

T I E H O T

A Z Z I R E R S U M M

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FHM SUMMER HOTTIES

CCLOSER SER TO TTHEE SUNN Bianca Peralta kind of hates UV rays. But we expose as

PH OTOG RAPHY:

PA O L O P I N E D A O F M I D N I G H T B O N K E R S INTERVIEW:

A S H M A H I N AY STYLING: DEBRA BERNALES M A K E U P : A M A N D A PA D I L L A F O R M AY B E L L I N E H A I R : R H OY C E R VA N T E S F O R L’ O R E A L PROFESSIONNEL S PE CIAL THAN K S TO M I CO G UTI E R R E Z

TOPS FROM RIPC URL; BOTTOM S FROM RIPC URL

S U M M E R

H O T T I E

IANC

Doesn’t Bianca Peralta—and her insane body—look like the perfect candidate for a beach date? Despite her whiter-thanalabaster skin, we thought so, too, until she declared herself as a moody gal, and not exactly the biggest fan of sand and surf. Buzz kill. We guess you don’t keep a flawlessly fair complexion like hers without shirking some rays. But, kind of how she’s quite the MOMOL queen without even knowing what MOMOL was apparently, the way her eyes twinkled 130 FH M MARCH 2014

Kahit ano naman, depende sa mood and depende sa company. Pareho namang enjoy [indoors or outside], pero napaka-moody ko kasing tao. Parang pag naisipan kong mag-beach, sige pupunta ako kaagad. Pero usually, okay na akong uminom lang nang mag-isa sa bahay, yun na yung pampatulog ko minsan. Ha ha! We need you in the mood more. How do we get you in the zone? Siyempre willing ako pag may kasamang boyfriend, ha ha! Labas kami, and then… alam

while thinking up naughty adventures to be had at the beach tells us that there’s a water baby in there just waiting to bust out. She just needs convincing to head to the shores more often—and judging from the photos we’ve got from our trip with this FHM mainstay, it’s well worth the effort to change her mind and get her into a two-piece. Do you even go outdoors, or are you the type of girl who likes to stay in?

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mo na, ha ha! No, hindi namin alam. MOMOL, ha ha! Alam mo bang kahapon ko lang nalaman meaning nun? Pero yung ginagawa namin talaga is to have quality time siyempre, ha ha! We don’t believe you either. Akala ko kasi yung MOMOL, parang cream siya–yung kasama sila Ellen Adarna at Linda Persson sa isang ad! Di ko alam na “make out make out lang” pala ang meaning niya. Who taught you this then? Narinig ko lang sa photographer ninyo, ha ha! We need to ask him about that. Aside from MOMOL, we’re sure you’ve been up to no good at the beach. Wala pa naman akong nagagawang wild talaga sa beach, pero sige next time try ko yun! Gusto kong gawin dun sa mga places na kabado ka na may makakita. Yung may thrill, parang sa pinakadulo ng beach, sa gilid ng boat, or speedboat sa tubig, ha ha! Are you the type to strut around in a bikini or do you cover up with a sarong? Pag feeling kong sexy ako, eh di two-piece kung two-piece. Pero pag kakatapos lang maglunch, yan sarong muna, then pag gabi na tatanggalin ko na siyempre, ha ha! Is revealing the goods the key to hooking guys? Dapat gumamit ng body language, ha ha! Siguro umpisahan ko ng lingon lang and then pag palapit na, dapat ready na. Minsan pag kasama ko ang boyfriend, ako na yung nanunuyo, pero pag flirting lang hindi talaga ako nauuna. Pero if babae, ako ang lumalapit! Ha ha! Mahilig ako mang-kiss ng girl. Nakita mo naman kagabi, ha ha! Yes, we only wish girls would agree to us as easily as they did to you. Siguro kasi lasing din sila, ha ha! Or baka may tendency din na medyo tagilid sila. You kissed five girls last night, is that a record haul for you? Meron isang gabi na seven, ha ha! Buti na lang sa lahat ng ina-attempt ko i-kiss na girls walang nang-re-reject. All seven na yun ay girls–then tatlo pa dun, sila ang naginsist ha! Puro hot chick pa! Sarap! FHM www.fhm.com.ph

T I E H O T

IANC

E R S U M M

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‘PAG FEELING KONG SEXY AKO, EH DI TWO-PIECE KUNG TWO-PIECE.

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S HE’S COM E U NDONE FHM

SUMMER HOT TIES

Hot and P off the ca BB tw t h e c oa l u m W e na l k , f a s h i o n dy uture f o r h e Ta b u s a l l m o d e l a s r FH M d e b u th e d s

P H OTO G R A P HY:

DOC MARLON PECJO C A N O N C R U S A D E R O F L I G HT F O R E O S D I G ITA L A S S I STE D BY ANDREO LUKAS ESGUERRA I NTE R V I E W:

M I C H R. L A G D A M E O ST Y L I N G: R E Y S A NTO S M A KE U P: J OY C E P L AT O N FOR SHU UEMURA H A I R: G E O R M I M P E R I A L S H OT O N L O C ATI O N AT M A XI M S H OT E L , R E S O RT S W O R L D M A N I L A S P E C I A L T H A N KS T O J OY AN D R AD E

S U M M E R

WEND Y

H O T T I E

“You can be sexy even when you’re covered up,” declares model extraordinaire and first-time FHM girl Wendy Tabusalla. While watching her heat up the lens in the skimpiest of summer attire kind of undermines her statement, we recall meeting Wendy sans makeup, dressed in a plain white dress, hours before she got down to work— and feeling the same kind of awe. Clearly, Wendy knows what she’s talking about, and we can’t help but hope she’s right again when she said that a model is just like any girl, and you shouldn’t have any trouble getting one. And if all models are truly just like her, brimming with personality and good vibes, you should consider making a beeline for these gorgeous, leggy beauties. Her advice: “ Wag kayong mahiya !” Square your shoulders and gather up the gall, gentlemen—Wendy’s backing you up 100 percent.

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OUR IT’S Y HOOT S FIRST MEN’S A FOR INE. DID Z MAGA BREAK YOU TO A OUT IN OMING C SWEATTO IT? IN Nung u na, Kasi siy I was nervous FHM, ib empre, this is . a kaseksi ng level na ito han! I d n if I was idn’t kn g r o e w a d y. P natin. I also sai ero, go, try d yes be this is ca issue. I your anniversa use said to m ry bigatin y ’tong m self, naku, ga ko, and to be as kasabay k part of it is a bi ed to be a g dea thankfu l din ak l. So o.

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I E T T O H

Y D N E W

M M S U

E R

OU’RE BUT Y PRO AT A SUCH ALREADY. S T O SHO D YOU DO DI ING ANYTH NT TO E R DIFFE P FOR PRE ? TODAY

N Vic anoo d t sho oria’s nga ak Se w lan s last cret f o ng t g m nig ash lan hough a-ins ht pa ion pi ra rea g, s t lize exy , mat re! I a ipin d h n apa indi a dap pa my kit a l per a ko ang d t. I son , m am alit ore it yr in. of

But you must believe in how sexy you are, right? I choose to believe. Ha ha! When I started modeling nahihiya pa ako. Pero pag nahihiya ka kasi, halata sa picture. So you really have to be confident to prove that you can sell the product. And the product for this shoot is…bikinis. You know what, I grew up na mataba ako. They even showed it in PBB! So I was a bit insecure. My mom had to enroll me in personality development courses and workshops. Kailangan wag kang umarte. It’s great how unpretentious and confident you are. Where’s this stemming from? Siguro I was inspired by the models I’d worked with. Nung bago ako, medyo chubby pa ako nun and I got a lot of negative feedback. But the more kasi that people tell me negative things, lumalaban ako, the more I feel that they can’t say that to or about me. And the people around me really give me support and confidence. Where will you be heading this summer? I’ll be going to Boracay and taking road trips to Batangas. My boyfriend and I might be going to Thailand. But Boracay for sure; I’m used to going there by myself even for just a day or two. Soul-searching. Ha ha! Nakaka-relax kasi sya. I’m not fond of going under the sun but I like hearing the waves. Boracay=beach parties. Are you big on them? Honestly, dati, oo. Pero ngayon nakakapagod na. Now I’m more of a homebody, or going to the mall and watching movies. Not like before na araw-araw lumalabas ako. Also, I was Miss Resorts World and I lived there for a year. So dati, puwede akong pumunta lang sa Opus or Republiq. So napagod na rin ako with dressing up and putting makeup on gabi-gabi. Mas relaxed na ako ngayon, mas focused sa work.

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E T T I H O

Y D N WE

R M E M U S

After you were hailed Miss Resorts World, you joined Pinoy Big Brother. We always feel the need to ask: was it hard to take a bath? Oh my! Oo! Yun na yata ang pinakamahirap na bagay na ginawa ko! First day pa lang, gusto ko nang umuwi! But it must’ve been quite the experience. Ang dami kong natutunan, like yung pagluluto. Dati kasi my parents were always there. Now, I live in a condo alone. Marunong na akong magwalis, maglinis ng CR, magluto. Puwede na akong mag-asawa paglabas ko! You’re a fashion model, the type of girl some dudes find intimidating. How should guys up

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their game when it comes to model chicks? Hindi naman! Sinong nagsabi nyan? Ha ha! Guys, ano ba, wag kayong mahiya! I feel that parang na-i-intimidate lang ang mga guys kasi tahimik lang ang mga model. Naha-hype masyado yung kailangang magmukhang mataray yung models for shoots. Is that your mataray face you’re showing for this shoot? Iniisip ko na lang na boyfriend ko yung camera. Sabi nila it’s in the eyes. You can be sexy even when you’re fully covered up; it’s the confidence that makes you sexy. Does that go for men too? Ayoko namang maging plastic. Hindi naman kailangang super guwapo, gusto ko lang presentable siya, yung maganda siyang

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tingnan. But of course important din yung puwede kayong magtawanan, puwede akong maging baliw-baliwan dahil hindi ako seryosong tao. Ha ha! And as for you, which body part do you think is the most “magandang tingnan”? My collarbone. Kahit tumataba ako nang kaunti, kita pa rin siya at sabi ng mga tao ang sexy ko raw. Sabi ko hindi, collarbone ko lang yan. Ha ha! I have a thing for nice shoulders. Yun ang ko sa lalaki. Na-tu-turn on ako. FHM

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St

LIGHT LOOKS You won’t need lumberjack neck muscles to handle BWOOD shades

Pa l m Ze b ra wo o d

P7,000

Ma ve ri ck s Turquo i s e

P7,5 00

I WORDS: ASH MAHINAY; PHOTOGRAPHY: LOUIE AGUINALDO

n an age of everything carbon fiber all over, th sounds pretty heavy. I selling point for woode substantial feeling you parts. These eco-friend made of narra, though, an on your face. Another fu water. So along with boat shoes that are rocked as c you buy just to tie around wooden things that aren’t

M o n wa i i E m e ra l d

P6,000

at h them Spot m/bwoodp co . @ k m o a o r faceb on instag and dph bwoo

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Hideo Muraoka acts like a total don poolside

PHOTOGRAPHY: N I KO VI LLE GAS OF EDGE OF LIGHT WORDS: AS H MAH I NAY STYLING: TO N LAO AN D E D I S O N ALBO FOR STYLESTUDIO MAKEUP: IYA YUJ U I C O HAIR: DAVE G R O NA FEMALE MODEL: ABBY PO BLAD O R ALL O F H I D E O’S C LOTH E S FR O M S M M E N’S FA S H I O N AT TH E S M STO R E

F H LME STY

an to man, we think Brapanese (half-Brazilian, halfJapanese) model Hideo Muraoka’s true talent isn’t looking good in clothes— rather he looks real good out of them. The separation of men from boys happens when the shirt comes off—skinny fashion guys can hide behind their threads all they want. Now, getting as swole as Hideo isn’t going to be easy for anyone, but you can definitely steal his minimal summer look. Is that enough to get females clambering all over you, though? Maybe—but then again, Hideo also happens to play center back for United Football League team Socceroo FC and play the most dapper businessman ever on Galema –so maybe not, but feel free to consider this set your aspirational guide to that life…

M

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TAN LIK E A

BRA ZILIAN The best beach souvenir is not some trinket; it’s that healthy tanned afterglow. We’ve got Hideo’s tips to attaining some color this summer. Tip 1: It’s best not to have a lady blocking the way.

PRO T EC T

YOURSELF Because skin cancer is not fun “I wear protection on the face, and sometimes I use sunblock on the shoulders where it’s more sensitive. If you plan to have a long day on the beach, make sure you use some–15-20 SPF is okay.”

EN JOY T HE

BE ACH Don’t obsess with catching rays, just let it happen “I don’t really like to lay down and stay there, I usually play volleyball or football and I don’t even notice the time pass. Don’t sleep either! I try to maximize my time on the beach; I always sleep late and wake early.”

DON’T

RUSH Don’t stress if you feel toasty but it’s only 3p.m. and there’s still a lot of sun “I like to get dark, but when the sun starts to burn, that’s the time I think it’s enough. If you do get burned, use aloe vera and take a cold shower.”

F H LME STY

H a va i a n a s P745

Q u iksilver P1,19 0

Q u ik s i l ve r P1,19 0

L acoste P1,8 95

These pairs float our boat WORDS: ASH MAHINAY ē PHOTOGRAPHY: LOUIE AGUINALDO ē  Ď 
 

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FHM

S T Y L SE ITEM

C ro cs P2,3 8 0

S

ome dudes like to wear slippers in the water–that’s okay. It just feels better knowing you’ve got a token layer of defense between your foot and that annoying rock layer near shore, pointy pieces of trash, and that sea urchin you didn’t see. But wearing shoes into the drink? That’s pretty affected. Pick a flip-flop from these instead and you’ll be good to go all day.

Qu ik s ilve r P1,19 0

Qu ik silve r P1,19 0

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QUICKFIRE ROUND You can call me: Cristina I’m a: Student and car show model I like: Watching movies and going to the spa This summer you can find me chilling in: Boracay

FHM

MARCH GIRLFRIEND

CRISTINA OQUIAS Going to the beach? Car show model and tanned goddess Cristina Oquias shouldn’t be hard to miss… Photography: Ria Regino of Fat Cat Studio Interview: Mich Lagdameo Styling: Rey Santos Makeup: Amanda Padilla for Maybelline Hair: Rhoy Cervantes for L'oreal Professionnel

A

s if you needed more reason to join the exodus to Boracay this summer, take this into consideration: gorgeous car show model Cristina Oquias just might be there. And it won’t be tough to find her in the crazy crowd— with a face and body like this, how can you miss her? A tip on how to zero in on her, though: She won’t be partying with the cool kids. She’ll most likely be keeping to herself, working on her already sun goddess-level tan. Or she could be helping herself to the island’s epicurean delights with a generous helping of rice. Beautiful and unashamed to admit how much she loves to eat? Best-girlfriend-ever material.

This is the first time you’re on our pages, but you’re no stranger to our events and on the web. Welcome, finally! What took so long? The people who see me in car shows always say “mag-magazine ka na!” Para daw dadalhin nila copies nila to the car show and magpapa-autograph sila. Ha ha! So here I am.

GIRLFRIEND

‘MARAMING FANS AND FOLLOWERS SA FACEBOOK NA PAG SINABI KONG MAY SHOW AKO SOMEWHERE, DADATING SILANG MAY FLOWERS’

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GIRLFRIEND We guess this could be your gift to your car show fans. We hear you have a lot of interesting experiences with them. All good, we hope? Sa car show, hindi maiiwasan yung bastos di ba? Pero marami rin namang mababait. May isang guy dun na car show model ang girlfriend. Dinadalhan niya ng flowers, ganun. Maraming fans and followers sa Facebook na pag sinabi kong may show ako somewhere, dadating silang may flowers. Or tatanungin nila kung kumain na ba ako, tapos babalik silang may dalang food for me. So magandang experience yun. Food clearly is the way to your heart. What should we bring you? Hindi naman sa ganun, I'm just touched that they even recognize or remember who I am. Pero I like Oreo J. Co donuts. Yun yung pinaka-favorite ko kasi hindi siya masyadong matamis. Actually mahilig akong mag-snack—potato chips, ganun. Your svelte figure sure hides that fact nicely. Are you always on a diet? I try to control my rice intake before a shoot. Normally, wala kasi akong control sa rice! Favorite ko sa Mang Inasal kasi unli-rice. Pag lunch break sa school dun kami pupunta ng classmates ko, nakaka-tatlong rice ako! Pero pag may shoot hindi ako kumakain masyado. We find a girl who can eat rice with abandon very endearing. Is there an ulam you won’t eat? Kahit saan kumakain ako! Pero hindi ako kakain ng isaw. Medyo sensitive kasi ang tummy ko. Where can we find you food tripping this summer? I’ll be going to Boracay to relax for a few days. I like walking on the beach, simple things lang. May experience ako last time—nakilala ako ng isang guy. He approached me and said, “Ikaw ba idol ko? Ikaw ba si Cristina? Pwede bang makipag-shake hands?” Nakakatawa lang kasi Boracay yun eh, hindi mo naman aakalaing may makakakila pa sa akin dun. Where do you go to de-stress? Pumupunta ako sa spa. There’s this place behind FEU, parang may cave! Pwedeng mag Jacuzzi, tapos super tahimik. Every week bumabalik ako. Super relaxing talaga. The different caves have different temperatures, some you can even sleep in! Some caves have green tea-infused Jacuzzi baths, and I also like the one with charcoal because that’s good for the skin. And super malinis siya! We hear you’re into movies as well. If we were to make a movie of your life so far, what genre would it be? Siguro, drama. Iyakin kasi ako. Ha ha! Maawain kasi ako, lalo na nung nakita ko sa Facebook yung nangyari nung Yolanda, kahit hindi ko naman buhay yun, iyak ako nang iyak. Madali akong maawa. FHM

Cristina’s life this month B o r n to b e w i l d ! www.fhm.com.ph

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‘Dyed my hair black. Time to do a Korean pose’ MARCH 2014 FH M 155

UPGR

NEXT-LEVEL PARTYING

B eca us e j us t b o o ze an d so u n ds d o n ’t s pe l l F-U- N an ymo re, h ere are F H M -a pprove d party ideas fo r th e ul t im a te s ummer bro bash

B O N DAG E G I R L S!

WORDS: ASH MAHINAY AND MICH R. LAGDAMEO; ILLUSTRATION: THEODORE CRUZ

Strippers are old news in this brave new post-Fifty Shades of Grey world that we live in. Get extra kinky with BDSM performances including ropes, whipping, and creative uses of candlewax. Very Requiem for a Dream, eh? Audience participation is optional! For bookings and inquiries contact Luis Medina at 0 9 17 7 6 1 8 14 5 o r l u i s @ t h e uncoloured.com

G IANT AN I MAL S!

Think back to the best party you ever attended. Was it your too-cool-for-school seventh birthday party with the magic show and pabitin? That grad party you “dropped by” at and ending up having no recollection of whatsoever when you woke up on the curb at 6 a.m. the next day? Or your best friend’s bachelor party that totally beat The Hangover movie in your humble (biased) opinion? They say there’s no fail-proof formula in throwing a great party—to which we say, challenge accepted. Here, novel party elements that upgrade any gathering into an epic win…

Childish you say? Maybe! Everyone says they’re too old for giant stuffed animals, but no one can resist a photo op with a giant dinosaur! Alternatively, have them walk around and hawk the shots–who can say no to their childhood hero pouring hard liquor down their throat? Call Pink Heaven Party Flavors at 474-2232

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UPGRADE

PAPARA Z Z I! Because you can’t count on your lazy (or drunk) guests to patiently line up at a photo booth in some random corner of your party, enlist the services of a literal mobile photo booth: a dude (or two) with a printer strapped on his back and brandishing a DSLR, who can bug your guests for a shot or two with on-the-spot real-time printing—kind of like a cool paparazzo you wouldn’t mind hanging around. For inquiries check out kameraman.ph

DI R ECT I NJ ECTI O N! To officially take your party to the Next Level™, you need to up the drinking game–get a keg. Imagine: no more losing the opener, no more forgetting to chill more beer, and no more gathering bottles all over the damn place the next day–just 50 liters of good times free-flowing from a tap all night long! Call San Miguel Beer Delivers at 632-BEER

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MARCH 2014 FH M 157

UPGRADE FIT

NES

S

GET RIPPED OR DIE TRYING Y O U R LA S T-D IT C H E F F ORT FOR TH AT EVER - ELUSI VE BOR A BODY

RIP:60

RAPIDFIT

PURMOTION

Train like: Former UFC Champion Georges StPierre and Jillian Michaels of The Biggest Loser What’s it about? RIP: 60 is the most recent innovation in suspension training that makes use of gravity, your body weight, plus the system’s revolutionary rotating straps to engage the core with every move in a progressive and varying set of exercises. Unlike other suspension training equipment, RIP: 60 boasts its use of the power of rotation. The straps give the users better range of motion, training them the way they move in their day-today lives—only better. What’s the big deal? It guarantees you the body you’ve always wanted in less than 60 minutes for a short span of 60 days. Some of its benefits include losing body fat, gaining lean muscle, and improving strength, all in the fastest time. In a series of weekly progressive workouts, it promises a totalbody transformation from where you are today to the best shape of your life. Where do I sign up? Swing by a Gold’s Gym branch near you or visit their website at www.goldsgym.com.ph

Train like: Ateneo Blue Eagle Kiefer Ravena and NU Bulldogs head coach Eric Altamirano What’s it about? Unlike RIP: 60, which uses a single equipment portable enough to be used anywhere appropriate, RapidFit makes use of three unique pieces of equipment. Your training will follow an exercise sequence operated by machines called the FreeMotion Dual Cable Cross, the Incline Trainer, and the FreeMotion Vibration Platform, or the Vertex. What’s the big deal? The FreeMotion Dual Cable Cross enhances strength by permitting the body to imitate movements done in actual sports activities and day-to-day life situations, while the Incline Trainer elevates the heart rate and builds up 30 percent more incline than all the other treadmills out there. The Vertex, meanwhile, lets the muscles relax after the previous workouts, helping it contract at the similar rate of vibration to regain stability. Where do I sign up? To know more about R apidFit, swing by a Gold’s Gym branch near you or visit their website at www.goldsgym.com.ph

Train like: Five-time Judo Olympian Jorge Bonnet What’s it about? PurMotion lets you move multidirectionally, perform high intensity workouts, and achieve optimal balance. The program’s movement patterns come from different training modalities such as power lifting, Olympic lifting, bodybuilding, Strongman lifts, martial arts, track and field, and bodyweight training. What’s the big deal? Whether training for sports, fitness, or a better quality of life, the versatile PurMotion system will provide you with an efficient, unrestricted, and pure method to help achieve your sport performance and fitness-related goals. Its system, philosophy, and education components allow you to customize your workout, rather than simply follow the mechanics of a traditionally designed gym machine. You can grow with the program as your skill set grows, which keeps you from hitting a plateau. Where do I sign up? Drop by Sk y Fitness Manila (4th floor, The Podium 18 A D B Avenue, Or tigas Center, Mandaluyong Cit y) or visit their website at www.sk yfitness.com.ph

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W O R D S: M I K EY A G U LTO ; I L L U ST R ATI O N S: J A M E S A N D R E S

Okay, so you promised yourself you’d totally shed off all the extra holiday poundage as the new year hits, but you haven’t exactly lived up to your word. Plus, we know you’re keen on picking things up from last year’s uneventful beach trip, so you better get a move on ASAP and crank up the intensity while you’re at it. Read on and check out our recommendations for this year’s #summeralindog program!

UPGRADE

Sometimes you need more than a solar charger* 01

03

Not everything is about the GoPro*

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03

01

04

04 02

0 1 CO LE MAN LANTE R N Made of tough polycarbonate material, this shining beacon of light will help you navigate roads less traveled with brightness of 190 lumens max— shining through up to 23 feet of creepy darkness in its highest setting. Score for: P2,900 (www.lazada.com.ph) 0 2 L I F E ST RAW If you find yourself out of water, the best option (next to drinking your piss a la Bear Grylls) is this. It's a portable water filter that removes 99.9 percent of parasites and bacteria. By the time it gets to your mouth, you’ll have clean and safe drinking water. Score for: P1,999 (09177329888, xoknives@ gmail.com)

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0 3 O Z AK I O!TO O L BAT T E R I E S When the sun goes out on your solar charger, it always pays to pack an extra set of juice. These cutesy things from Ozaki should slip easily to your woman’s outdoor clutch, packing 5,200mAh and 10,400mAh of battery. The robot-faced LED display indicates how much juice is still on. Score for: P3,995 (O!tool T52), P5,495 (O!tool J104) * But just in case you still need one… 04 G R E E N M O B I L E S O L AR C HAR G E R With its own Lithium-Ion battery and 4,000 mAh worth of power for mobile, leave it where the sun shines, and let the solar rays do the rest. Score for: P2,700 (Tritec Integrated Phil., 8074211/850-3960)

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FOR SURFING 0 1 B R AV E N 71 0 For those after-surf moments by the beach when you’re in need of some Avici to help set the mood, this is your best sound buddy. It’s a speakerphone, Bluetooth speaker, and portable charger encased inside a waterproof, aircraftgrade aluminum shell. Score for: P7,450 (Beyond the Box, Digital Arena, Digital Hub, Digital Walker) 0 2 NIKE+ FUELBAND SE Tracks the intensity of your workouts, counts your steps, and displays your progress in real time. It has a variety of social features, too, that let you sync with your phone, connect with other people, and stay motivated. Score for: P6,500 (Nike outlets)

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0 3 B E AR G RY L L S F I R E STA R T E R Light up a beach bonfire and never worry about wet matches or lighter fluid again. The compact Bear Grylls Fire Starter has a ferrocerium rod and metal striker with a waterproof storage compartment for your tinder. Give it a strike and you'll soon be singing “Kumbaya.” Score for: P7,505 (ROX, Bonifacio High Street)

*In case you still needed to know… 0 4 G O P R O H E R O3 + Every pro surfer, bungee jumper, and adrenaline junkie’s best friend. Fortymeter plungable and shoots 4K resolution videos, and 12 MP stills of up to 30 FPS. What does the “+” mean? It has Wi-Fi, too. Score for: P19,990

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W O R D S: P ETE R I M B O N G

F OR C AMP ING

ADVENTURE Nowhere to go but up

WH ETH E R IT’S P I TC H I N G A T E N T A N D K I C K I N G D I R T, F I N D I N G YO U R S E L F B E AC H S I D E O R G O I N G WAY U N D E R WAT E R T H E S E A R E YO U R P E R F E CT C O M PA N I O N S

Wet enough to go under

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FOR MOUNTAIN CLIMBING

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FOR SN OR KEL I N G

0 1 SAL I C E E Y E WE AR Protect your peepers from bugs and dust as you trek up hills and rocky terrain. Its UV400 lens ensures you’re protected against 100 percent of UVA, B and C rays—and with Italiandesigned frames so light, you’ll forget you’re even wearing them. Score for: Starts at P4,000 (ROX, Runnr, Toby's Sports)

0 3 GAR M I N M O N TAN A 6 5 0 Never get lost again with this four-inch color touchscreen display that supports multiple mapping options (including satellite imagery). It also has a three-axis, tiltcompensated compass, a barometric altimeter, and a 5MP camera. Score for: P22,790 (ph.garmin.com)

0 1 PAN AS O N I C LU M I X D M C -TS5 This ultimate workhorse point-and-shoot camera is waterproof up to 43 feet, shock-proof to 6.6 feet, freeze-proof to -10 degrees Celsius, and pressure-resistant up to 220 lbs. It also has a 4.6x Optical zoom, and 28mm Leica DC Lens. Score for: About P14,000 (Panasonic outlets)

0 2 M I L I P OWE R N OVAI I The slimmest power bank we’ve seen so far, with a sleek finish that won’t cramp your style. Its 10,000 mAh power capacity is enough to charge your smartphone or tablet several times in the middle of nowhere. Score for: P4,990 (miliphil.com)

04 HUAWEI POCKET WI-FI Ready to tell your Twitter followers you’ve reached the summit? Why not let your fellow mountaineers do so for added credibility? This pocket Wi-Fi can adopt up to 10 users or devices at the same time, with a HighSpeed Downlink Packet Access of 21.6mbps, and 5.76 mbps on Uplink. Score for: P2,699 (www.lazada.com.ph)

0 2 S O N Y WA L K MA N W 270 Swim with the fishes and keep 4GB of music flowing without any worry of losing your tunes with this two-in-one headphones with built in music player. With up to eight hours of juice, your skin will go pruney before your music player’s battery ever lets up. Score for: P 4,999 (Sony Outlets)

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03 LI FE PROOF WAT E R P R O O F CAS E Covers your precious smartphone and keeps it from getting wet. Your touchscreen devices still work as smoothly as if nothing’s covering it. It’s also dirt-proof, shock-proof, and looks good above water. Score for: P3,950 (Beyond the Box) 04 S U U N TO D 9 TX Not a wristwatch, but a “dive computer” that just happens to slap on your wrist as it links to, and monitors your oxygen on the way down, and decompression levels on the way up, navigating you in the deep via a digital compass and five free-diving modes. Steeled in titanium and a slip-on bracelet, it doubles as a fancy timepiece above water, too. Score for: About P50,000, Suunto distributors

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TO MO

R

The new er of smart driving begins with the Ford EcoSport

W O R D S: A L E X PA ITA

GET

LUCKY Feng shui tips to keep your car out of harm’s way, courtesy of our friends from Ford

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G i v e i t a n a m e . “When you have a connection to something, you’ll take better care of it,” advises the feng shui tip sheet. So give your car a name—it doesn’t matter if it’s masculine or feminine, Pinoy or French—to forge a strong connection between you two. Obama, for one, has a Ford Escape Hybrid named The Beast.

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E n h a n c e y o u r c h ’ i . Ch’i, as you may already know, is described as the natural flow of energy. “A ch’i enhancer is something that promotes well-being through the senses,” says our expert. Go for something that’s not too distracting—small chimes or a calming essential oil will do.

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V ITA L S

FO R D E C O S PO RT

Engi ne: 1.5L TiVCT, 4-cylinder

Sleek and compact, yet commanding in nature, the Ford EcoSport is just what every penny-pinching, flood-fearing, and stylesavvy man needs. The hotly anticipated mini SUV, like a Ford Fiesta raised on growth balls, has a 200mm ground clearance and boasts a capability to wade through 550mm-deep water. Inside, it’s rich in techie features standard in recent Ford releases, such as voice control and SYNC Bluetooth and USB connection. Random weekend trip to the beach? No problem, the EcoSport has 20 storage spaces and a boot load capacity that can fit a 560-liter washing machine—should you decide to leave your labandera behind.

C o l o r i s i m p o r t a n t . Our expert recommends that you pick a car color that balances your personality. “For example, fiery individuals can choose a water element color like black to calm down—and perhaps avoid tickets,” says our feng shui expert. “Others can choose fire and wood element colors like red and green to create more liveliness.”

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Trans mi s s i on: 5-speed manual (Ambiente and Trend variants); Powershift 6-speed AT (Trend and Titanium variants) Max power : 110Ps@6,300rpm Max torque: 142Nm@4,500rpm Pr i ce: From P775,000 (MT) up

U s e s y m b o l s . Our feng shui expert

recommends: “Add a little icon—like a statue or a medal or a picture—as a reminder to drive safely, to be courteous, or to reduce stress.” She adds that it doesn’t necessarily have to always be in sight, like those head-bobbing dogs peddled by street vendors: “It can even be something tucked in the glove box.”

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K e e p i t c l e a n . “The No. 1 enemy in feng shui is clutter, as it can directly affect your ch’i,” our feng shui expert says. Let the energy flow freely inside your car by removing the clutter. “Over time, clutter creates stuck energy—pressure, depression, or tension. That’s why it is important to always keep your car neat and tidy.”

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UPGRADE

B U I LD YO U R OW N P C

FROM

SCRATCH

Why? It’s cheaper, it’s customizable, and being a nerd god isn’t as difficult as it sounds. Let’s begin

L

ike video killing the radio star, laptops (and consumer convenience) have killed the buildyour-own-PC. But cobbling that black box from scratch is not only fulfilling—done right, it gets you a machine capable of doing so much more than the average MacBook Air. Today, the PC is becoming a welcome upgrade in your living room. Capable of streaming and downloading all kinds of content, it’s the logical partner to your TV—while also providing nextgeneration gaming from platforms like Steam (Bloomberg quotes an estimated 75 percent of digital games purchased for PC as of October 2013 are through Steam). TV fiends and gamers aside, there’s a variety of people to whom a build-your-own PC just makes sense: Photographers, video editors, and let’s not forget, cheapskates, too. PC tech may have radically changed over the decades, but one thing remains the same: building your own PC is always the cheapest, most bang-for-yourbuck option.

WORDS: VINCE SALES; ILLUSTRATIONS: JOHN LAURENCE PATULAN

PA RT S I D E NT I F I C AT I O N

WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT EXACTLY? The beauty of building a PC is you don’t have to buy everything all at the same time. Buy the basic system first and then add to it when you need to, or when your budget allows.

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SAMPLE BUILDS THE BUDGET BUSTER Cheaper builds are available, but for this one, you get specs similar to an entry-level, Haswell-equipped MacBook Pro. Because it’s no speed demon and cool down shouldn’t be a problem, we’ve opted for a small-ish Micro ATX case. Best part? A video card addition easily upgrades it into a gaming PC.

THE GAMING RIG We’ve based the specs of this build on this year’s mid-range Steam PC. Which means playing current generation games at high settings will be acommodated, and playing next gen games should be an impressive experience for a year or two.

THE PRO MACHINE This build pulls out all the stops and has the best of everything— provided it’s not too difficult to find locally. We tried to match the specs of Apple’s Mac Pro, where possible.

B A S I C SYSTE M

P r o ces s o r The brains of the operation. Intel’s “Haswell” processors are the latest and greatest, so get one if your budget can take it. Last generation’s “Ivy Bridge” processors are plenty fast and will still do for most needs.

Mo therb oa rd It’s called the motherboard because everything connects to it, like a mothership. Makes sense, right? Get a big ATX mobo for a big casing, and a mini-ITX mobo for a small one.

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RAM 8GB is good enough for most needs, including gaming. If you plan on doing a lot of multitasking, get 16GB. There’s not much point to loading up your PC with more even though it’s possible.

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Casing The box for your motherboard. Casings can be anything from cheap Chinese knockoffs to fancy ones with LED lights and an aquarium. They’ve even made a PC casing out of a case of beer... clever, eh?

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P ow er Su p p l y As the name suggests, it supplies your PC with power. You need one. Get a modular one if you want to reduce clutter inside your case.

H a r d D r i ve Solid state drives (SSD) are all the rage now that the prices have gone down. There’s no reason not to get one. They’re better than regular hard drives in so many ways.

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P C-B U I L D I N G C LI C HÉS EXPLAI N E D

We’ve made three sample builds to show you how cheap and powerful your rig can get, and we threw in a mid-range gaming rig in between

Proces s or: In t e l Co r e i5 -4 570 P9,100 G raphi cs : In t e l H D5 0 0 0 in t e g r a t e d g r a p h ic s (built-in to processor) Motherboard: Gig a b y t e G A-H8 1 M-D S2 Mic r o AT X P2,9 00 R A M: Kingston Hyperx Blu 8G B D D R3 P3,800 H D D : 1 T B We st e r n Dig it a l Blu e S ATA3 P2,9 9 5 C as e: Co u g a r Sp ik e Bla ck Mic r o AT X c a se P1,5 00 Power S uppl y : An t e c V P4 5 0 P 4 5 0 W P1,9 5 0

Proces s or: In t e l Co r e i7 -4770 P14,15 0 G raphi cs : E V G A GT X 770 P23,170 Motherboard: Gig a b y t e Z 87 X (G A-Z 87 X-D3 H P) P7,200 R A M: Kin g st o n Hy p e r x Blu 8 G B X 2 P3,8 00 X 2 S S D : Sa n Disk 2 5 6 G B S S D 2 .5 ” S ATA P8,15 0 C as e: Co r sa ir 3 0 0 R w it h w in d o w P4,3 5 0 Power S uppl y : Coolermaster GX650W 80+ Bronze P3,700

Proces s or: In t e l Co r e i7 -4770 P14,15 0 G raphi cs : Dual AM D Fire Pro P30,000 X 2 Motherboard: Gig a b y t e Z 87 X (G A-Z 87 X-U D3 H) P9,6 00 R A M: Kingston Hyperx Blu 8G B X P3,800 X 2 S S D : SanDisk 256GB SSD 2.5” SATA P8,15 0 C as e: Cooler Master Storm Trooper P6,950 Power S uppl y : Co r sa ir H X10 5 0 W 8 0 + S ilve r Mo d u la r P8,8 5 0

“ Y O U O N LY N E E D 8 G B O F R A M F O R G A M I N G .”

To t a l f o r t he ba s i c system:

P22,24 5 (+ graphics) Versus latest MacBook Pro with Retina display:

8GB of RAM is widely considered enough. But since RAM doesn’t cost much, many PC builders go overboard with 16GB. The extra RAM can still be useful for keeping lots of apps open at the same time, though.

P67,9 9 0

To t a l f o r t he ba s i c system:

“YO U R P C CA N G O A S FA ST A S Y O U C A N C O O L I T.”

P6 8,320 Versus mid-range Steam Machine:

Your processor is rated to go at 3.4GHz, but it can go faster with a few changes in your BIOS. This is called overclocking. The tradeoff is that your processor will get hotter. It can keep getting faster as long as you keep the temp down using heatsinks, fans, and/or water cooling.

About P8 0,000

To t a l f o r t he ba s i c system:

“DON’T GO CHEAP ON THE P O W E R S U P P LY.”

P115,3 00 Versus Quad Core Mac Pro:

A high quality power supply keeps your components from getting fried in case of power fluctuations and saves electricity in the long run. A large one also leaves room for future expansions (i.e. second video card). No point getting more power though if you’re not expanding.

P115,9 9 0

O P T I O N A L PA RT S

Vi d e o C a r d Think of a video card as nitrous oxide. Your computer doesn’t need it, but it will sure go faster with it. It’s a must if you plan to do any gaming. If you don’t, your processor’s integrated graphics will do just fine.

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Op ti c a l Dr i ve The MacBook Air doesn’t come with an optical drive, and you don’t need one either. Unless you want to play a Blu-ray disc. Or if you still buy CDs, and your favorite pop star is Tiffany.

Wi - Fi If your motherboard doesn’t have it built-in, you may want to get a Wi-Fi module.

Card reader Not essential, but nice to have, especially if you’re into photography/ videography.

B l u e to o th You can get a module, or a USB Bluetooth adapter. They cost next to nothing.

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Fans Recommended cooling for a regular-sized tower. Includes one fan in front and one at the side to suck air in, and one on top and one at the back to blow air out. This should keep your PC nice and frosty.

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Fan c o n tr o ller Manual control of your PC’s fans is great if you’re overclocking. Or if you’re just OC about heat management.

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More hard drives Slap in every spare hard drive that can fit into the case for maximum storage. You can also create a RAID system ideal for backups.

Wat er cooling An alternative to a large heatsink is to invest in a water cooling module that sticks straight to your processor and has a fan to blow the heat out of the case.

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W H AT KI N D OF

D O I N G IT

PC

Where to buy? Gilmore is the mecca for PC builders in Manila, and most PC Express stores have a variety of components available. Online, you can hit TipidPC. If you’re wily in the ways of international shipping, PC parts should be 10%-30% cheaper on Amazon.

S H O U LD I

BUILD? The cheap kind. I’m on a budget

I just need a browser and some basic apps

Tough nuts. A gaming rig costs money.

Anything goes, money is no object

I want to play games

Sure you can, if Tetris counts

I Just need it for MS Office

Photographer? Graphic Designer? Art Director?

P

BUDGET BUSTER

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04

GAMING RIG

PRO MACHINE

A N I PA D IS A COMPUTER TO O

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Maximum settings all the way, baby!

If you have a video card, connect it to the motherboard now. If you have two video cards, connect them to each other too.

05

Connect your SSD/HDD to your motherboard.

06

Connect other devices such as your optical drive, card reader, fans, and front panel connectors to the motherboard.

07

Install your power supply and connect it to your motherboard and other devices. Typically, you’ll need two connectors for your mobo, one for your videocard and one connector for each of your hard drives.

08

Say a little prayer.

09

Connect your monitor, keyboard and mouse and power on your PC.

Video Editor?

BUY A L A P T O P. YO U’R E IN THE WRONG A RTI C LE

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Install your RAM. There’s only one way to insert each stick. So don’t sweat it. Now attach your motherboard to the casing.

TIP: Two video cards working in tandem can be more cost-effective than one super powerful card. As a rule of thumb, though, go with the single most powerful video card you can afford.

I’m serious this is for work

STA RT AGAIN



Give me life in Candy Crush poh!

02

Install your processor’s heatsink and fan. If you’re using a water cooler, install that instead.

03

I want something portable

Just give me a steady frame rate

01

Insert your processor into your motherboard. Your motherboard should match the socket number of your processor. For example: LGA 1150.

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10 11 12

Lord, sana umandar ...

Set up the BIOS for your operating system installation. Install your operating system. You’re done. Close your case and celebrate. Time for a welldeserved beer!

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TRUE STORIES

FA I L U R E IS FU N NY B R E AK FAST B L U E S

ILLUSTRATION: GILBERT DAROY; ANGELA GABRIELLE’S PHOTO: EJAY LEUNG OF MIDNIGHT BONKERS

I had a big crush on my English professor back in college, and I would often be the bibo kid in class so I could catch her attention. It was the first semester of the year when our English exam was scheduled on a morning. I just had breakfast right before our exam, but I didn’t think the hot chocolate I took would get me in trouble. I felt my stomach grumble halfway through our exam, so I had to pass my paper even when I was not yet done. When I got up to hand my paper to my professor, I farted. It was especially audible because the class was quiet. I just blew my chance with my hot prof. Gab J., by email

TRUE

STORY

Angela Gabrielle

AY, P U K E ! I went out to drink with my officemates after work. After downing a few bottles of beer, I already felt dizzy. I knew I would throw up anytime, so I just decided to head home and call it a night. I took an ordinary bus home, thinking having the windows down for fresh air would nurse my nausea. When I got in the bus, all seats by the window were taken, so I had no choice but sit along the aisle. The bus driver’s swerving and the smell of cheap air freshener didn’t help at all. I felt even dizzier and started regurgitating. I felt lucky when I found a plastic bag in my purse. I finished off and felt quite better. A few minutes after throwing up, I felt something warm on my thighs. When I checked, I saw my barf dripping from a tiny hole in the bag! I rushed 168 FH M MARCH 2014

out of the bus, threw the plastic bag, and took a jeep instead. I went home sober out of embarrassment. Mary, by email

C H I PS T R I C K I invited my barkada over to my place for our annual gettogether. For a big circle of friends, it’s not new to us to get rowdy and wild at parties. We were all drunk from shooting tequila and whisky. Our backyard was a mess with all the liquor bottles, bags of chips, and paper plates scattered around. It was past three in the morning when one of my guy friends took a bag of chips, folded its edges, and tipped it over his mouth. He was surprised to get cigarette butts, tissue paper, and crumbs in his mouth. Apparently, the bag of chips was used as a trash bag and ashtray. Amanda, by email facebook.com/FHM.ph s

H E AR T O F G L ASS I interned for a photographer for my onthe-job training back in college. I was asked to assist in photo shoots, and when I was on break, I got to chit-chat with the models. Majority of the models I worked with were nice, but some were masungit. There was this one model who was really bossy with everyone. When her hair and makeup was done, and the crew was all set, she demanded for a yosi break. She arrogantly walked past everyone and tried to step out the studio when… thump! She hit the sliding glass door! She was so embarrassed, but acted nice around everyone after. FeFe Ramirez, by email

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This happened one night while I was drinking at a friend’s house. I am usually the one who gets drunk in the barkada first, so I almost always end up dozing off earlier than everyone else. That night, my friends panicked when they realized I was missing. They checked all the rooms and I was nowhere to be found. They got even more concerned when they checked the bathroom and it was locked! When they broke down the door, they found me asleep on the floor and too drunk to get up. My guy friend had to carry my dead weight all the way to the bedroom. It was a major laugh-fest the morning after.

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