FHM Philippines - January 2016

JAN UARY 2016 www.fhm.com.ph

THE NO. 1 MAGAZINE IN THE PHILIPPINES

#fhmjennylynisthesexiest

THE NEW SHARING ECONOMY: RIDE UBER/ LIVE IN AIRBNB COMEDIANS OF THE OLD SCHOOL GROUND RULES FOR SEXUAL CONDUCT GENTLEMEN 2.0

the sexiest {& fittest} in the land

99 7701 770111 99 768009 768009

18 + Con t e n t s A R e no t sui tA bl e f oR minoRs

getting better each time

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mercado

P150 ISSN ISSN 0119-7681 0119-7681

jennylyn

ALL-YOU-CAN-READ UNLIMITED access to your favorite magazines. Download the Ookbee Buffet app and start your FREE trial subscription now. Enjoy

c o nt ents 0 1 / 1 6 56 SHARE A CAR/HOUSE, EARN EXTRA CASH. The new entrepreneurial philosophy driving Uber and Airbnb that’s disrupting the business status quo.

60 DUDE FROM THE ’80S VS. THE MILLENNIAL BRO Who's got more appeal? We let the girls decide.

64 CLOWNS FROM THE OLD CARNIVAL Kids, meet Long Mejia, Dennis Padilla, and Jimmy Santos. Your ’rents thought they were a riot—you should, too.

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JEN N Y LY N M ERCA DO T he c ou nt r y's s ex ie st s hows of f her t r iu mph a nt for m

72 THE DEFINITIVE RULES OF THE MATING GAME Because we are doomed to always chase after women, we’ve compiled yet another set of maxims for sexual conduct—and this time we’re setting them in stone.

76 MAN TEST Let’s see how the youngest Medina would fare in the ultimate hombre test.

78 MAYUMI YOKOYAMA We pick another fragile cherry blossom from the Land of the Rising Sun.

84 SHANE RAMOS Former Wowowillie dancer knows how to make her first time bigtime P H OTO G R A P H Y : M A R K N I C DAO , C H A R LE S B U E N C O N S E J O

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JANUARY 2016 FH M 5

STA RT E R

LO U N G E

You’ll probably spend more time staring at her eyes than anywhere else.

Trust us, here’s the landian cheat sheet you should tattoo on you.

18 INFOGRAPHICS

26 ANIMAL SEX

We deal with death—or how close you might have come to meeting him head-on.

Learn the feral ways of dogs, monkeys, bats, cats, snails and more!

20 NEW YEAR FIX

28 LADIES’ CONFESSIONS

16 LISA DILLON

How to: clean up postfireworks mess; stretch a holiday-strained budget; recover from gluttony; catch up on sleep.

23 BAR ROOM JOKES In the bag this month: gags in story form, quick standup punchlines, and #hugot.

24 FLIRT4REAL

Intimate stories you want her to whisper in your ear.

AC C ES S

30 READS FOR GOOD BEGINNINGS A checklist of paperbacks to start the year right.

32 WILL SMITH Here's another Will Smith starrer to hope an award for. Catch him in Concussion. 6 FH M JANUARY 2016

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33 CHEATS The band with Saab Magalona in it are doing Singapore’s Laneway Festival this year!

34 GAMING MADNESS 2016 With many good titles out this year, you can quit real life and you won't miss a thing...

STYLE

89 JOGGERS' DELIGHT RRJ offers a respite from jeans

UPGRADE

100 HEALTHY EATS AT YOUR DOOR What saved our lives this month: food delivery options that aren’t burger and fries.

104 HOW I DID IT Rakista.com founder Harold Solomon on using tech to rock.

106 HOT METAL New Year means new gear–here's what's good 108 FORD FOCUS

90 NIGHT FURY Empty streets. Mad street style. Uy, hipster!

GIRLF RIE ND

The new Ford Focus’s turbo boost.

110 GEEK

96 MICHIKO MAGNO

We consult our 4K resolution crystal ball for the year’s tech trends

Filipino-Japanese-Korean. She’s every bit an Asian babe.

112 TRUE! Major flubs, disclosed.

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P H O T O G R A P H Y : I V E S T R U O N G , H E I D I A Q U E N D E , A R T U N E P U M U C E N O ; I L L U S T R AT I O N S : A J B E R N A R D O

c o n te n ts 01 / 1 6

T H E TEAM: WHAT FHM ers HAVE BEEN U P TO T HI S M ON T H

The timeless Jennylyn Mercado had us all seeing red during her fourth cover shoot–we’re still waiting for the blood to come back down from our noggins!

December cover girl Kim Domingo stopped by the office to spread some holiday cheer and souvenir photos

The annual team FHM kris kringle! This year’s haul features makeup, cat food, multiple sets of cleaning essentials, a very long belt, and one desk fan with LED lights and a USB charging outlet!

BA’s brood with Tito Bitoy! Okay, he’s not really their ninong but he’s obviously kid-trained from his yaya to Angelina days... Ash puts his height to practical use: by being a human lightstand for the month’s editorial.

Top Gear vs FHM 2 : Beer Pong. We’re happy to say that our winstreak against our motoring friends continues! Style editor Ash pays for taking all those sleeping-onthe-job-photos of the staff by being caught in one of his own. Zzz.

Publisher Aeus enjoys the season’s climes during Mr. and Mrs. Cristobal’s Tagaytay wedding. Mabuhay ang bagong kasal ! 8 FH M JANUARY 2016

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I S B R O U G H T T O Y O U B Y. . . Team Editor Allan A. Madrilejos Managing Editor Allan P. Hernandez Art Director Paul C. Villariba Associate Art Director John Laurence O. Patulan Senior Features Editor Khyne L. Palumar Assistant Style Editor Mikey Ashlie L. Mahinay Editorial Assistants, Pong M. Castillo, Chise A. Alcantara Celebrity Coordinator Allan Altera A N D F U T U R E - P R O O F E D B Y. . . Managing Editor BA Borleo Associate Section Editor Gelo G. Gonzales Senior Staff Writer Ron Jay B. Eduvas Staff Writer Neps N. Firmalan, John Paulo Aguilera, Mary Rose A. Hogaza Video Production Specialist Engelheart V. Jarilla WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM... Words Mary Rose Hogaza, Wayne Joseph Tulio, Paulo Aguilera, Abby Mendoza, Anton D. Umali, Cam Arcilla, Toni Antiporda, Vince Sales, Illustrations Louis Arenas, Aj Bernardo, Melvin Calingo, Carlo Maala. Gilbert Daroy Pictures Dondee Quincena, Heidi Aquende, Jerico Montemayor, Mark Nicdao, Paul Mondok, Charles Buenconsejo, Ejay Leung, Mark Jesalva, Artu Nepomuceno, Aaron Ebio Styling/Makeup/Hair Vanessa Michelle, Genie Ranada-Babista, J-Em Sta. Ana, Rhina Montemayor, Georm Imperial, Aj Alberto, John Valle, Cristine Duque, Debra Bernales, Janina Dizon, MJ Rone, Iya Yujuico, Gela Munoz, Patrick Ebio, Julie Ebio, F H M I N T E R N AT I O N A L N E T W O R k International Director Simon Greves International Digital Director Gary Broughton International General Manager Mark Beard International Digital Manager Graham Kirk International Content Executive Ryan Chambers International Digital & Content Executive Erin Viljoen International Technical Administrator John Goodchild International Editors (Australia) Guy Mosel, (China) Jacky Jin, (Czech Republic) Dalibor Demel, (France) Laurent Giraud, (Germany) Hans Fuchs, (Holland) Sander Kersten, (India) Kabeer Sharma, (Indonesia) Richard Sam Bera, (Latvia) Sandris Metuzals, (Malaysia) Rajesh Taluar, (Norway) Martin Thronsen, (Philippines) Allan Madrilejos, (Romania) Paul Breazu, (Russia) Slava Rovner, (Singapore) David Fuhrmann Lim, (Slovenia) Uros Majcenovic, (South Africa) Hagen Engler, (Spain) Rafael Benitez, (Taiwan) Saffron Lee, (Thailand) Jakaphatchara Buranabutr, (Turkey) Berk Iybar, (UK) Joe Barnes SUMMIT MEDIA President Lisa Gokongwei-Cheng Publisher Edna T. Belleza VP for Operations Hansel dela Cruz Junior Associate Publisher Aeus Kevin Reyes Digital Publisher Adel De Jesus Deputy Group Digital Publisher Amina Rillo Web Business Operations Manager Dennison Ko Web Programmer Christopher Porto Production Director Elizabeth Rellis Assistant Production Manager Jane M. Puno Production Coordinator Arnel Laigo Production Graphic Artist Louis Arenas Administrative Services Manager Whilma M. Lopez Admin Assistants Michiel Lumabi, Marlyn Miguel ADVERTISING Group Advertising Director Florence Bienvenido Adv. Director-key Accounts Group Regie Uy Adv. Mangers Maiza G. Mueco key Account Specialists Joey Anciano, Junn de las Alas, Alex Revelar, Annie Santos, Suzette Tolentino Senior Account Manager (Print) Ginger Taduran, Bem Caharian, JJ Dinglasan Senior Account Manager (Digital) Lucas Reyes Junior Account Managers (Print) Melinda Kitane-San Diego, Junior Account Managers (Digital) Onnie Del Mundo, Dianne Suegay, Angela Lagahid, Adv. Executive Assistant Rita Barbacena key Accounts Assistants Maricel Adaniel, Ashley Balla, Chinggay M. Cabit Adv. Assistants Lorena Santiago Adv. Traffic Supervisors Eliziel del Rio, Myra Gorospe E V E N T S D E PA R T M E N T Assistant Marketing Manager: Leah H. Basco Jr. Marketing Associates: Sirius Langkay, Gladys Lapitan, Siena Mirano, Kieffer Albert Nonato, Abigail Pinili M E D I A R E L AT I O N S Media Relations Manager Grace Enriquez Media Relations Associate Nicole David TRADE MARkETING Trade Marketing Officer Candace Lobendino Sr. Trade Marketing Associates Caz Marino Trade Marketing Associate Kamille Guirnalda Trade Marketing Ass. Jamie Islo, Angelica Anne Casacop, Daryl Lincod Jr. Trade Marketing Project Coordinator Patric Malicdem C R E AT I V E S O L U T I O N S Team Art Director Jaykee Evangelista Copywriter Miguel Escobar Digital Art Director Rey Etable Associate Art Director Jerome de Dios Carlo Maala Senior Web Designer Teddy Garcia Producer Tara Llavore C I R C U L AT I O N Circulation Manager Alma M. Madelo Deputy National Circulation Manager Glenda Gil Circulation Manager-GMA Alaine Mae Lozada Provincial Sales Manager Alexis Martinez International Distribution Specialist Ulyssis Javier Distributors Group Head Caroline Herrera key Accounts Group Head Malou Rubinos Subscriptions Group Head Hanna Montecer Circulation Supervisor Mary Fatima Flores Systems Administrator - Interactive Editions Rico Cruz, Ron Silang key Accounts SpecialistVivian Manahan, Charlotte Barlis, Noreen Sescon-Peligro, Jinky Rose Calugtong, Jennifer Tolentino, Jenny Reparep, Lhon Bituin, Nathaniel Embiado, Felix Tong II Distributor SpecialistNorth Luzon Mark Elliot Villola Distributor Specialist-Central Luzon Gian Carlo Peralta Distributor Specialist-Central Visayas Robert Revilla Distributor Specialist-Western Visayas Ivan Dela Pena Distributor Specialist-Central Mindanao Eric Ferdinand Gasatan Newsstands Supervisor Joel Valdez Sales Representative-GMA John Lakhi Celso, Edward Caringal, Anjelyn Joy Carino Subscription Coordinator Jofet Abad-Legaspi, Joyce Ann Ramos, Raquel Lorenzo Distribution Account Analyst May Ann Ayuste Circulation Administrative Assistant Marjorie Abueme Circulation Administrative Assistant Elnie Marie Santos Export Sales Assistant Legui Brylle Gonzales Telemarketer Michelle Jayin, Ruby Rose Frias

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letterS 01/16

Get in touch!

FaCebook.Com/ Fhm.Ph

ins tagR am@ FhmPhiloFFiCial

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Fhm@summitmedia. Com.Ph

6F & 7F Robinsons CybeRgate CenteR toWeR 3 PioneeR ComPlex, PioneeR st., mandaluyong City 1550

wow!

KI MTA S T I C ! B A BY

VERY ARTSY

Here’s a picture of my artwork and the magazine. Jion Raqzle Sobida Orquilla, via email

KIM, HE’S CALLING YOU

Pa-autograph naman, Kim! Antonino Benavidez, via email

B EST O F 2 0 15 I felt very happy when I saw the legendary Ina Raymundo headlining your November issue during my birthday month. I think your December issue with Kim Domingo (who I saw at BroCon), is the #BestIssueOf2015. Aside from Kim you featured #DessertDuo and August & September Hotties Karen Punzalan and Hazel Cha, as well as Sponsor babes Dasuri Choi, Divine Smith, Lhea Bernardino, and Rachel Anne Daquis. All of them are the #BOMB! But wait, you forgot to feature March and June Hotties Tricia Santos 10 FH M JANUARY 2016

GREAT BUYS

and Mayumi Yokoyama, so I do hope the two will grace your covers some month in 2016, and Coleen Garcia and Julie Anne San Jose for the 16th Anniversary issue in March. You made 2015 very special to me when FHM #NewCrush Angels and the best Hotties assembled, from Yuri Choii to Kimberlee Arcillas. Thanks and more power FHM, and have a great year ahead!

Good evening! Share ko lang po itong nabili ko. Hay, Kim Domingo… Czeon Santos, via Facebook

P.S. Special shoutout to Jean Saturnino! Jigz, via email facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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STACK IT UP!

YOUR NAMES RHYME! #JenKen

Supportive wife here! My husband Ken Gementiza is a certified FHM fan will be celebrating his birthday this coming December 25. I hope you could post this on your next issue. This will surely surprise him. Happy birthday, Dada! We love you! Thank you so much and more power! Jen, via email

GREAT FINDS

Nahanap ko sa cabinet, ha ha! Christian Dignadice, via Facebook

HONEYKOY

I’ve been a fan since 2004 and I see to it that I get a copy every month. My hubby and I will be celebrating our first wedding anniversary on December 8 and I want to surprise him. I hope to see our picture. Happy Anniversary, HoneyKoy! I love you to the moon and back! Mayette De Pedro, via email

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Just want to share how the spines of my 3-year FHM collection look like. Looking forward to another year of surprises with you! Also hoping that HBD girl, Patricia Tumulak, will grace your cover. Happy New Year! Jay El Cortez, via email

WHO THE HELL IS THAT?

FEED YOUR MIND This is how we read FHM at Fitness Unlimited! Shoutout to our coaches, staff,and members! Happy New Year! John Chan, via email

YOU’RE MY INSPIRATION

BAWAL MADAMOT!

HIS SUPERGIRL

I’ve been collecting your magazine for almost two years now dahil sa ayaw ipahiram sakin ng tropa ko yung mga FHM niya. Eight years na siyang nangongolekta. Mga babies daw niya yung mga yun. Anyway, here’s a picture of us in Christmas Village, hope you can include it. Thanks FHM! More power! Fernando Estuesta, via Facebook facebook.com/FHM.ph •

I want to greet my girlfriend a happy birthday. She is my motivation and inspiration. I love you so much. Thanks FHM. Rand Sebastian, via email

Good looks? I don’t seem to have that. Money? Just enough to grab you a sundae float. But I promise, I will always look at you with as much love and excitement as I did the first time I saw you—the first time I fell in love with you, my forever crush. My Christmas wish is to tell this to the entire FHM nation. Arlex Tipgos, via email

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This photo was taken last year at our Fish Show at Robinsons Magnolia. I actually know this girl personally because she happens to be my schoolmate at PSBA-QC. She’s one of the models of our Stingray Division Unfortunately, when we had this picture, that guy behind us looks like he really wanted to get between us. Perpetuo Amor Cruz Cabaccangm via Facebook

“FRIENDS” DAW...

My friend’s Birthday is coming up on January 12, and it has always been her dream to see her picture in FHM. I hope matupad ko ang wish niya. This is my message to her: Cele, this is it! Making my promise come to life, ha ha. Happy birthday! Sana napasaya kita sa gift ko. Thanks FHM! Eizel Fuentebella, via email

JANUARY 2016 FH M 11

BOOM! Enter a fun year bursting with colors! Come play with Venicia, Yassi, Hedem, Nika, Shane, and Jelai as they sweeten up the pages of the 2016 PREMIERE Condoms Calendar. Bounce around with the babes who know exactly how to brighten up your year.

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14 FH M JANUARY 2016

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u p s e y E

e e r H ,

y s o B Giselle Piña is a study in the appreciation of genetics

We’re not into hyperbole around here, but halfGerman model Lisa Dillon has some of the loveliest lookers we’ve ever seen—the color of her irises, the shape of her lids, it’s crazy. Lisa thinks we should stop staring at our smartphones in 2016, and we’re inclined to do exactly that. As long as we’re around her, of course.

photography: DONDEE QUINCENA interview: ASH MAHINAY styling: VANESSA MICHELLE www.fhm.com.ph

What are your New Year’s resolutions for 2016? My New Year’s resolutions are to read more and spend less time on social media. It’s a good resolution to have. What did you notice yourself doing that made you want to cut back on social media? It’s important for me as a model, but I noticed I was on it more than I needed to be! Do you think people need to lessen their use of social media in general? I think it depends on the person. As I said, for me, it helps my modeling career but I know that I have a life other than Instagram and I remember to put it down to spend time with those that I love. Where are you going to be for the festivities? Do you go for the facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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big parties or a more intimate celebration? I’m more of an intimate celebration type of girl–a few of my close friends and family is all I need to have a great time. Does this mean you aren’t the typical party girl that people like to think all models are? What’s a night out like? I like a good party here and there but I’d rather just have a hang sesh with some friends. What are some of the highlights of the past year for you, and what are you excited about this year? My highlight from 2015 would be moving to California from Chicago–I miss the city, but I do not miss the weather. For 2016, I’d love to travel to new places I’ve never been before. Who do you plan to travel with and why? I like to travel with my boyfriend because I like sharing experiences with him. The next places I want to see are Australia, Paris, and Amsterdam. Are you the type to wing it while traveling or do you prefer a more planned trip? I’m always a go with the flow kind of girl! And do you hang on to your phone a lot or is it a time to disconnect from the grid? I’d say I’m in between! FH M JANUARY 2016 FH M 15

Lisa Dillon My new Year’s resolutions are to read more and spend less time on social media

16 FH M JANUARY 2016

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ADVERTISING FEATURE

DOWN

CY Ortega working out with his fellow FREEGO #SuperShapeMe contestants

BY

Erwan Heussaff, Chris Tiu, and Freego VP for Marketing Marty Tio

FIND OUT HOW FREEGO #SUPERSHAPEME FITNESS CHALLENGE WINNER CY ORTEGA MANAGED TO SHED THE FLUFF Cutting a fine figure in a pair of faded black jeans and a crisp shirt and tie, CY Ortega held back tears as he was named the men’s division winner of FREEGO’s recently concluded #SuperShapeMe 2015 Fitness Challenge at an energy-charged finale at URBN Bar and Kitchen, Bonifacio Global City. The 27-year-old nurse lost an impressive 38 lbs. in two months through supervised and monitored exercise and diet regimens. He won a trip for two to Coron, Palawan and FREEGO’s complete Body Circuit collection. Ortega claims that his late father’s health complications were the impetus for him to start taking his own health seriously. “He had hypertension, heart and kidney failure, and he was only 65. I told myself I didn’t want that to happen to me.” For a time, he seemed destined to a similar fate. Ortega suffered all the classic symptoms of obesity. “Even simple movements made breathing difficult,” he admits. He was also the butt of conurses’ jokes. “They gave me nicknames depending on the color of scrubs I wore for the day,” he says. “I was Piglet when I wore pink, Jollibee when I was in red, Pooh when I wore yellow, and Barney when I was in violet.” Browsing through YouTube one day, he chanced upon a video that would change his life. After a successful run in 2014, FREEGO’s #SuperShapeMe Fitness Challenge was back, this time

CY Ortega is in the best shape of his life thanks to the Freego #SuperShapeMe Challenge

“WE WERE ONLY ALLOWED TO EAT LEAN MEAT AND VEGETABLES, WHICH I HATED THE MOST. IT LEFT ME WITH NO CHOICE BUT TO SUCK IT UP.” as a nationwide campaign for both men and women. This year’s competition drew over 1,000 applicants from all over the archipelago and put them through a stringent screening process that whittled them down to 10 men and 10 women.

SHAPING UP The next 60 days were gruelling for Ortega, who typically resorted to fad diets and was not a fan of working out. Basketball star Chris Tiu came in as his fitness coach, putting him through cardio workouts, strength-training routines, and CrossFit. It revealed just how out of shape Ortega

Before

After

was. “It was very difficult to tolerate, and it usually left me dizzy and nauseated,” he admits. “But through proper hydration, I was able to overcome every exercise.” Likewise, Ortega’s strict diet designed by nutrition expert and food blogger Erwan Heussaff proved a challenge. “It was extremely plain and unsatisfying most of the time.” says Ortega. “We were only allowed to eat lean meat and vegetables, which I hated the most. It left me with no choice but to suck it up.” Ortega still intends to take it further: his goal is to drop 12 more pounds, and he has aspirations of getting into triathlon. “I’ve also become mindful of my diet,” he sa. “I’ve bid goodbye to processed foods, rice, and soft drinks, and am trying to discover the tastes of vegetables and spices. The 60-day #SuperShapeMe Challenge is done, but I have the rest of my life to challenge myself.”

starter

Brushes with death

1st degree:

H ow c lose we re you to k i c k ing t h e bu c ket ? Close calls—you can never really tell whether you’re lucky or unlucky to have experienced them. Either way, they make you really feel your mortality for a moment, and then after a while of desperate existential questioning, you get on with your life as if nothing happened. To get a grip on near-death scenarios, we talked with a registered nurse and emergency medical technician who rides in an ambulance almost every day, Adriel Kenneth Aragon. He's seen it all, from hyperventilating teenagers who think they’re going to die because their air-conditioner broke down to people who’ve been dragged underneath cars and lived to tell the tale. Let’s see how thankful you guys should be after you realize how close you really were to actually kicking the bucket...

WORDS: CHISE ALCANTARA ILLUSTRATIONS: LOUIS ARENAS 18 FH M DECEMBER 2015

1st degree:

allergy

1st degree:

The electric current causes your muscles to constrict, which makes it harder to let go of the object causing you pain parang pag-ibig.

Minor to major skin irritations that manifest through rashes, redness, and bumps. 2nd degree:

2nd degree:

electric shock

Shortness of breath can also be an effect of an allergy since air passages tend to swell because of a high amount of histamine in your body.

2nd degree:

A higher voltage of electricity, like one from telephone lines, could cause second to third degree burns to your skin.

A minor or major fracture on the bone(s) that were directly hit by the vehicle.

3rd degree:

3rd degree:

That annoying itch should be the least of your worries when it comes to allergic reactions. Turning red is almost always better than turning blue.

3rd degree:

"Parang siyang (your foot) saging na nabalatan," says Nurse Aragon. "Dumadaloy kasi yung electric currents sa loob ng katawan mo kaya kapag dumating sa dulo puputok siya."

Bruising on the part that made contact with the vehicle.

Electric current travels from the spot where the object made contact with the charge, but the energy goes through the object and gets released at the farthest end; which is why sometimes even if your right hand gets electrocuted, your left hand or foot takes the brunt of the damage. facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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Air passages close due to extreme inflammation, which cuts off oxygen to your brain.

Aside from multiple fractures, the body could be thrown over or mowed down by the car, which could cause permanent spine and head injuries.

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1st degree:

car crash

1st degree:

heat stroke

Cramps are caused by the body expending energy and failing to replenish the nutrients it has lost.

2nd degree:

Apart from the speed and size of the vehicle hitting you, the way you distribute your weight throughout your body at the point of impact could greatly affect how serious the damage could get. Nurse Aragon explains, "Kung yung weight mo nasa foot ng leg na tatamaan, lalabanan niya yung force ng sasakyan kaya mas madali siyang mababali."

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Your body becomes exhausted because it’s trying to regulate your body temperature. This also brings about dizziness and thirst.

3rd degree:

This is why it is always important to keep water and snacks nearby especially when the harsh Philippine weather rears its ugly head. "Madalas hindi enough yung paginom lang ng water kapag sobra ka nang pawisan. Kailangan may electrolytes inumin mo para mareplenish yung pinawis mong minerals.

After an estimated three to five minutes of being cut-off from oxygen, the brain could be affected by treatable trauma involving motor and sensory skills.

1st degree:

drowning

2nd degree:

food poisoning

However five to ten minutes without oxygen could cause irreversible trauma, which means it can’t be treated through therapy.

2nd degree:

Rejection of “poison” from body, which is caused by vomiting and your good ol’ LBM.

3rd degree:

If you’re not dead after ten minutes of no oxygen, you’re probably going to be a vegetable when they “revive” you.

Collapsing signals your body to give up because of its failure to keep itself at a safe temperature.

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Your body acknowledges that there is foreign matter inside of it that you need to let out (signaled by stomach aches and utot).

"Kung less than three minutes ka lang nawalan ng oxygen, most likely wala namang mangyayari sa'yong masama pero kung more than that, baka kulangin na ng oxygen yung utak mo at magkaroon siya ng damage. Marami na akong nakitang naging gulay kahit ilang minutes lang silang nalunod bago maligtas," says Nurse Aragon.

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3rd degree:

We’ve all gone through this. First stage would be doubting yourself, second would almost always be rejection, and third is when you finally give up. Yup, food poisoning can be a bitch.

Food poisoning, if left untreated, could cause extreme dehydration and death.

DECEMBER 2015 FH M 19

starter WORDS: MARY ROSE HOGAZA ILLUSTRATIONS: AJ BERNARDO

p ro b l em #1

Firework debris, firewo rk debris every where

SOLUTION: While semi-legally setting off big explosions might be the best part about New Year’s celebration, no one could say that about the cleanup afterwards. We asked a ten-year kasambahay named Jennifer Tamsi for tips in cleaning the debris. “Ipunin muna lahat ng kalat sa isang sulok tapos pag malinis na lahat ng paligid, ilagay sa sako. Ibaon dapat sa lupa, huwag susunugin kasi delikado,” Ms. Tamsi advices. Well, better start digging dude.

how to

fix everything you broke during the holidays O n c e t h e drunke n k ar aoke t une s die down and t h e smoke c l e ar s , you ’ll find t hings are n’ t wh at t hey use d to b e . H e re’s how to g et b a c k o n t r a c k . . . 20 FH M JANUARY 2016

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proble m #2

Cash, depleted

SOLUTION: Now that the holiday splendor has settled down, we are pretty sure you are checking your bank statement and credit card bills with wide eyes. “Before thinking of borrowing money with interest, check other options. Look into your unnecessary stuff that can be disposed and turned into cash. You may post it on buy and sell websites,” says Marilyn Tanglao, a financial advisor. “Check on other loans or credit card facilities that offer lower interest rates and staggered payment. Look into personal loans or Installment plans, balance transfers, credit to cash, and others.”

p ro b l e m # 3

You feel bloated SOLUTION: To remedy this doesn’t mean skipping meals. According to Nutrition Officer II Jana Culla of the National Nutrition Council, “Hindi advisable na hindi ka totally kakain. Better eat small, frequent meals that are high in fiber para

hindi ka ma-constipate. Also, avoid eating raw vegetables because it contributes to the heavy feeling, so cook them even for a minute lang.” Culla says. “A 30- to 45-minute walk is enough exercise in a day. I also recommend yoga at home.”

p ro b l e m # 4

You weren’t able to sleep well SOLUTION: Make sleep your top priority for the next few days. It's hard to do your goals if you're feeling drained. According to the National Sleep Foundation, an organization dedicated to improving health and well-being through sleep education and advocacy: adequate sleep guards off a multitude of other problems including disease and weight gain (from the carbs during the numerous Christmas and New Year handaan). A healthy sleeping routine includes at least seven hours of sleep per cycle—eight if you’re over 50. www.fhm.com.ph

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JANUARY 2016 FH M 21

starter

proble m #5

A broken heart

SOLUTION: Dude, you’ve got to move on. She left you. She no longer feels the same for you. She’s now happy with another man. What keeps you holding on? We interviewed our friend, Joelan aka Mr. Sawi to the Bones, to see if he has any tips for us; “Make yourself busy. Go out with your friends, mag-overtime ka sa work para hindi masyado maisip yung sakit na naidulot niya. Huwag ka muna pumunta sa mga lugar na maraming couple, ma-iinggit ka lang. Umiyak ka kung gusto mo tapos sa susunod na mga araw, tatawanan mo na lang sarili mo, like this, Oha ha!’”

proble m #6

You h ave a ha ng ove r SOLUTION: Ask any seasoned drunk who nurses virtually zero hangovers and the response will be: drink water during and after each tagay session. A very good point that science backs up because alcohol is a diuretic (leeches out fluids in the body).

p ro b l e m # 7

You get the runs SOLUTION: Most of us will experience diarrhea after eating all the suspicious leftovers that your mom told you na “pwede pa.” If you can’t immediately see a doctor, Nurse Stephanie Hogaza from Al Mouwasat Hospital advises either of these options as first aid: the BRAT diet, or Oresol Therapy. “BRAT stands for Banana, Rice, Apple, and Toast. When you are suffering from loose bowel movement, you need to limit your intake 22 FH M JANUARY 2016

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to food that won’t irritate your stomach. These four are great options because they are low-fiber food that can help make your stool firmer,” Hogaza says. Meanwhile, Oresol therapy is needed to replace the fluids you’ve lost. “All you need to do is mix one teaspoon of salt, eight teaspoons of sugar, and one liter water. Stir the mixture till the sugar dissolves,” Hogaza advises.

www.fhm.com.ph

starter

HU

H

WAW

!

!

UGOT H IRITS

To r t ang torpe “Yung mga pinapasukan kong relasyon parang talong. Sa simula pa lang, talo na ako.” JuskoLord, via Facebook

ILLUSTRATION: MIKKE GALLARDO

Bar room jokes L a u g h

o u t

Well that socked

l o u d e s t

A young couple decided to get married. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even with each other. The groom-to-be, overcame his fear and asked his future father-in-law for advice. “Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love your daughter very much, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be put off by them.” “No problem,” said his father-in-law, “all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed.” Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her future mother-inlaw. “Mom,” she said, “When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.” “Honey,” her mother consoled, “everyone has bad breath in the morning.” “No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me.” Her mother said simply, “Try this; in the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth. Not a word,” her mother affirmed. Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try. The loving couple was finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning www.fhm.com.ph

silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, woke his wife and without thinking, she immediately asks, “What on earth are you doing?” “Oh, no!” he gasped in shock, “You’ve swallowed my sock!” Bentables, via Facebook

Puny puns

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending. Chikababes, via Facebook

Brainwashed

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, “Look what’s telling me that.” BulletForMyBible, via Facebook

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Not included

I totally understand how batteries feel because I’m rarely ever included in things either. Gregory, via Facebook

B u m o to nang tama “Para kang pulitiko. Ang dami nang niloko, ang dami pa ring may gusto.” PleaseLang, via Facebook B u l a g- bulagan “Kung magkaroon man ako ng third eye, ilalagay ko ito sa puso ko. Para hindi na ako mabulag sa pag-ibig.” OhYeah, via Facebook N A IA “Laglag-bala? Tanim-bala? Dahil sa’yo, mas takot pa rin ako sa alaala.” #HugotLalaki, via Facebook

DIRTIEST JOKE

SHE K N OWS

The twins

My friend at the singles club was blithely chatting away, oblivious to the fact that her nametag had slipped down over one of her breasts. I was wondering if I should ask her what she named the other one. Ralph, via Facebook fhmphilofficial

San nagtatago ang malilibog na mga multo? Eh di sa spuke (spooky). Donna, 24, Preschool teacher JANUARY 2016 FH M 23

Put your phone down and give your thumbs a rest. Here are in-the-moment landian hacks to make you pogi , presently...

How to

flirt in real life w or ds : WAY N E J OS E P H TU LI O

Flirting in the age of smartphones has reduced most men to exchanging LOLs and wink emojis with girls they meet on Tinder. Even if you’ve met her say, at an office party, you’re likely to start or continue the flirting process in the comforts of Viber chat—but only after you’ve stalked her Facebook profile. But what if things were offline? You’ve just met a hot woman and she’s right there in front of you, would you know the first thing to say? We do…

24 FH M JANUARY 2016

2 Never start a coNversatioN with a pick-up liNe or weird questioN It screams manyak, pre. “Men often forget that women are intuitive,” says Zo Aguila, public relations consultant. “If you seem sleazy or you’re suddenly in her face from out of nowhere, she’ll have her guard up. If she’s with her barkada—the walls will be even higher.” Your move: Slide into her comfort zone by being friendly. “You’re likely in the same place because of a common person or a common reason—so start there,” Aguila says. “Simply say hello, ask about that common thing, and introduce yourself.”

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R es is t t h e urg e t o t alk yo u rs e l f u p Hey, you’re nervous right? Your move: Find common ground. Gino Quillamor, co-host of RX 93.1’s The Morning Rush suggests you ask what school she went to instead. “You can play up people you know who went to her school and ask if she knows them.” Then pick up the conversation from there.

www.fhm.com.ph

l o u n G e D At e h A C K s

Forget about impressiNg her You’re finally talking! That’s a good thing—but you could hit a wall. To keep things going, forget about trying to impress her. Your move: Be curious. A gorgeous woman attracts competition, possibly some gawking. But you can show her that you’re different from the others by engaging her in real conversation: “If a guy is curious enough to know about my day, what I’m thinking, and my say on certain topics, it gives me a hint that he’s interested,” says Aguila. Another upside: you’re making her curious about you, too.

flirt with eVery inCh of your BoDy

4 Be suBtle when you fish for info When a girl seems engaged in everything you’re saying, your mind can go haywire wanting to know if she’s single. But asking her outright can be a bit much, especially if you’ve just met. Your move: Mention the word ‘boyfriend’ in a question. It’s an indirect way of asking her if she’s single. “Ask ‘Is your boyfriend picking you up tonight?’” suggests Aguila. If she says that she’s unattached, then that’s your cue to keep the flirting going. Don’t think she won’t know you’re fishing for information, though. But doing it subtly invites less turnoffs.

Subtle moves like these should cue her in that you’re not for

All in A gAze

David Cohen, author of Body Language: Overcome Common Problems, suggests you try this: Hold her gaze for a second (too long and she’ll think you’re a creep), then look away. Do it again and smile, if she smiles back, then you can introduce yourself.

look more open

doN’t liNger When a gorgeous woman happens to be engaged in a conversation with you, it’s easy to want to stay right beside her. But what that hints to her is that you’re clingy. Not cool, man. Your move: Disengage whenever you can. Even if you’ve hit it off right away and you’re in a group setting, it’s best to www.fhm.com.ph

pique her curiosity. Mingle with others, say something smart in a group conversation, and make it appear picking her up is the last thing on your mind. “You don’t have to be the life of the party, but a girl can get curious if you look like you’re genuinely having fun and you engage other people around you,” says Aguila.

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First up, don’t slouch and stand tall. Nervous as you are, always appear like you’re open to talk. “Don’t cross your arms when you’re talking, and lean forward if it’s crowded and noisy,” advises Aguila.

Touch her like A genTlemAn

Subtle touching can easily hint you’re into her. But make sure to keep it clean. A light touch on the shoulder and on her forearm is cool. If she reciprocates, she’s into you, too.

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6 B e slig h t l y va g u e wh en c lo s i n g a d a t e You’re both single and she seems fun to talk with— now comes the tough part: asking her out. Do it wrong and uuwi kang sawi. Your move: Make your invite seem like a non-date. Movies are a common excuse to hang out. If you find she’s into a certain type of flick, then “don’t directly ask them out on a date, just say it in passing,” advises Quillamor. “Say ‘one of these days, we should go out and watch this.’ It hints that you’re interested, but harmless enough to get her thinking. “The less interested you appear, the more mysterious you seem.” Quillamor adds.

JANUARY 2016 FH M 25

LOUNGE S

E

X

This year of the fire monkey, we deep-six the astrology and look to earthlier habits of our neighboring species...

Diddling according to animals w o r d s : K H Y N E PA LU MA R p h o to g r a p h y : H E I D I AQU E N D E

L E G E N D

f flirting

s sex

p r o p s a nd st yl i ng: G E N I E R A N A DA -BA B I STA

p pairing

1

R es p ec t a nd ke e p t ab o f u rg e s

D O G LI FE, M AT I N G LIFE

As seen in: dogs Breeders call it ‘play mounting’—puppies as early as five months jump fellow puppies from behind ‘doggy style’ without malisya for purposes of play and socialization. But also, because animal biologists believe it’s instinctive dry run for adult-style doggie. Puppies unable to practice play mounting, according to The Whole Dog Journal, become problematic with dominance, control, and emotional reactivity (how they react involuntarily to things outside themselves).

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Birth to five months Patay malisya, non-sexual genital licking. Five months to 12 months Wet and dry humping, genital licking, periods of selfdiscovery. 1 year to 7 years Active mating period, twice

a year oestrus period (in heat) in females, stuck-together sex when male dog penises swell inside the female. 7 years up Female species libido tapers off, mating in males dependent on stability of hind legs, occasional stuck-genitals sex.

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3

As seen in: monkeys The reason monkeys have yet to outnumber us Planet of the Apes-style— besides humans laying waste to over 200,000 primates in animal testing labs every year—is because when food (fruits, nuts, insects) is in short supply and housing (trees) doesn’t exist, female primates’ vaginas literally dry up. Even while in heat, female monkeys will stop going into oestrus until her basic ecological needs are met.

E x t en d o r a l , t o e x t en d pe n i l e p l a y As seen in: fruit bats Biologists at the Guangdong Entomological Institute in Guangzhou conducted a research on Chinese fruit bats by hitching cameras in bat habitats, hoping to learn more about them. What they gleaned: the longer females stuck their tongues out at the males’ genitals, the longer time the couples spent copulating, adding roughly six seconds of diddle for each second of fellatio.

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P rovide adequ ate fo o d an d sh elter

f

s

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R E A L- W O R L D S EXUAL SADISM Besides engaging competing monkey rivals in fist and elbow fights, male primate species the likes of baboons will kill off one or massacre a number of ‘younger, mating age’ primates to get a female monkey or the entire female population to mate with him.

p DOWNSIDE UP, HAREM STYLE The spectral bat is one of few bat species that mates with just one partner. But in largely 1,000 species, mating is done with multiple partners: one after the other, or with multiple bats at once, while hanging upside down.

5

S low an d stead y fe r t i l i z es eggs

4

If you have to P.D.A., go all the way

As seen in: snails Hermaphrodite sexing snails communicate mating intentions by shooting darts from an internal muscle sac, ‘poking’ the intended partner. The receiving snail sends out another dart to confirm it is ready for mating. Once successful, they slink together between an average of two- to 12-hour stretch. After half a day, up to 100 eggs at a time are fertilized—inside both snails.

f

s

p

As seen in: cats Domestic male and female felines will let out caterwauls or unusually ugly and grating meow sounds when mating. Larger cats/tigers will howl at each other in the premounting/flirting stage. Hissing and prissy sounds are audible too, making it sound like two felines are fighting when they’re actually mating.

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p

KI N K I N TO R S I O N Gastropods— mollusks, or most snail and slug species— can rotate their internal organs 180º in the main cavities of their bodies, so much so that a snail can touch its anus (located on the hump inside its shell) with its mouth.

P ractice self love As seen in: fish Some fish species are born with non-binary genitals, packing either: female organs, male organs, or a single genital that can change from male to female in the course of its lifetime (see: a type of sea bass, serranidae). There are also unisex fish that reproduce by sexing…themselves.

s www.fhm.com.ph

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CARING DISPLAYS Smelling, purring, rubbing against each other, neck-biting, licking, and grooming are all outward physical evidence of feline approval.

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MOUTH TO MOUTH INCUBATION Catfish secure their young post-mating by dividing fertilized eggs in different water ‘nests,’ so they get enough oxygen.

JANUARY 2016 FH M 27

about to come. I naughtily bit my lip and firmly grabbed his cock and gave him some finishing strokes. He covered his mouth with his hand to stop himself from letting out a moan. I could feel his pubic hairs sticking together because of his jizz. I gathered as much of his semen from his briefs as best as I could so he wouldn’t be too awkward walking around. I excused myself and washed my hands in the bathroom. Kat, via Facebook

, LADIES CONFESSIONS Hiding crotches in plain sight

I’ll take care of you

I have never actually had sex with my boyfriend, but we’ve done almost everything except actual penetration. The first time I gave him something was during a movie night out with friends. We weren’t together then but we had an inkling that we liked each other—well, at least wanted to do some stuff together. We were sitting on the couch while our other friends were on the floor. I started massaging his 28 Fh M JANUARY 2016

I have always been a naughty girl. I started reading romance novels early. I would always feel something down there whenever I read them, and I would always keep my legs together, while imagining someone massaging my breasts. I stumbled upon this video of a guy licking a woman’s breasts. I felt my panties dampen. I easily get wet even when I’m not aroused, but this time it was flowing out of control. I touched the wet line between my pussy’s plump lips. I went to the bathroom to shower, but when I started to wash down there, I felt a sudden urge to keep rubbing it. The pleasure spread all across my body, I kept rubbing, my juices kept on flowing. I moaned as I rubbed harder and faster until I felt, what seemed like an explosion inside of me. I was dazed by the extreme satisfaction I felt, I clung to the faucet handle near me, to keep my balance. I shyly took a whiff of the finger I had just used to make myself orgasm for the very first time, and it had that distinct smell. Since I discovered how to masturbate, I know I can’t and won’t stop doing it. Specter Donna, via Bullboard

willing to learn

thigh, he was startled at first, but I signaled him to stay calm. He understood and I started massaging his bulging member inside his pants. I slid my hand inside his underwear and stroked him. He started reaching for my thigh but I led his hand away, I wanted to be in control. He started moving closer to me, panting softly. I quickened my pace, and his breathing got heavier. He looked at me and smiled nervously, I could feel he was facebook.com/FHM.ph •

ALwAyS hErE tO LIStEN, LADIES! Keep sending your escapades to fhmladiesconfessions @gmail.com or Facebook.com/fhm.ph

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I was the bunso of my college block and everybody treated me like a kid, except for this one guy who I felt was extra nice to me. He asked me if I ever had a boyfriend, and I said I’ve never had one. He said he wanted to be my boyfriend. I accepted because I was really kilig at that time. I gave him my first kiss, and we got to second base a few months into our relationship. We kept things a secret since I come from a really strict Chinese family, and I didn’t want my www.fhm.com.ph

MODEL: SHELBY WAKATSUKI; PhOtOgraPhy: JERICO MONTEMAYOR; StyLing: J-EM STA. ANA MaKE UP: RHINA MONTEMAYOR; hair: GEORM IMPERIAL; MODEL aPPEarS FOr iLLUStratiOn PUrPOSE OnLy

Self discovery

“he started reaching for my thigh but I led his hand away, I wanted to be in control.”

family and friends to know I had a boyfriend. I had been waiting for him at the library so he could drop me off at my house one evening. We got into his car, we kissed and I slid him a bit of tongue. I laughed and said, “Uy, may gusto ka bang gawin?” I teased, “Katulad ng ano?” and kissed him again more passionately; I felt his dick get hard underneath his shorts. He asked, “Gusto mo sa apartment ko na lang kita ihatid?” I got nervous and said, “I don’t know; hindi pa yata ako ready.” “Okay, I understand,” he said while starting up the engine. I felt as if he was really disappointed, so I wanted to at least do something for him. While he was driving, I put my hand on his thigh, and started going for his groin. I held onto it, and he moaned. I unzipped his shorts and saw his underwear bulge just pop out. I massaged it a bit more, I slid out his dick from his brief. It sprung up and I giggled. My lips got closer to his cock. He was surprised and asked me, “Marunong ka pala n’yan?” I answered, “Syempre naman!” Even though I had no idea what I was doing. I www.fhm.com.ph

started licking his dick, it tasted weird but I liked the fact it was really hard, it felt like it really wanted to get sucked, so I did it. I sucked a dick for the very first time, I heard my boyfriend groan as he said, “Walang ngipin, please.” I apologized and was really embarrassed,” He answered assuringly, “Dahan-dahan lang.” I used my tongue and mouth, and he moaned as if I was doing a good job. After a while, I really got into the rhythm of it, and he seemed to be enjoying it a lot more. He finally said, “Mag-cu-cum na ako.” I kept going, this time, a bit faster; I felt the car jolt a bit. He tensed and came inside my mouth. Even though I was readying myself for it, I gagged a bit and started coughing. I looked up at him, and I promise, I have never seen a bigger smile on his stupid, handsome face. Fei fei, via Facebook

MEANwhILE, IN LADy PArtS I.Q.

Pelvic floor muscle re l a xa t i o n Face sitting exposes your woman’s labia minora (vag inner lips) onto your tongue or facial lips. This allows your woman’s pelvic floor muscles (major muscles of the crotch) to sag and relax while you administer oral.

An appetizer

My hubby and I finally got a night out alone away from the kids so we decided to eat at an expensive restaurant. The waiter seated us and we took a look at the menu. The facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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fhmphilofficial

place was pretty pricey so we decided to skip the appetizers and go straight to the main course. The waiting was longer than we expected and we ran out of things to talk about. Bored, I played footsie with him. I started getting a bit naughtier and placing my feet higher and closer to his groin. He was starting to dirty talk me into giving him one of my signature foot jobs, I was hesitant at first but I eventually gave in. I started stroking his penis with my feet from underneath the table. It was a lot more difficult than I had expected, and my legs were getting a bit tired, but he begged me to keep going since he was close to orgasming. I kept at it but the waiter suddenly arrived with our food. We tried to stay as composed as we could possibly get, but I felt like he was suspecting something. Good thing he didn’t check what was going under our table. My husband jokingly said, “Sayang. Ambilis ng pagkain dito.” I replied, “Okay lang, hun. May dessert pa naman.” WatchaGonnaDo, via Facebook

JANUARY 2016 Fh M 29

ACCESS

Y O U R

M O N T H LY

V I P

J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 6

P A S S

01

bO OK S

Turning over a new leaf JOTTIng dOwn yOur annual reSOluTIOnS? here’S a lIST Of paperbaCKS TO reMInd yOu hOw nOT TO bOTCh ThOSe gOalS

2 B e le s s pa k i a l a m e r o Project 17, by Eliza Victoria A babysitter finds out "Curiosity killed the cat" the hard way with the 28-year-old schiz-affective brother of her employer. Sometimes, the less you know, the less trouble. 3 lend a helping hand Rogue Lawyer, by John Grisham He ain’t Breaking Bad's 30 FH M JANUARY 2016

Saul, but street lawyer Sebastian Rudd's clients include a sinister juvenile, a crime lord, and an unwitting SWAT assaulter. Why? Because he believes everyone deserves a fair trial. 4 str e s s l e s s The Bubble Bible, by Michael V. Bitoy has pretty much played all of us in his countless Bubble Gang sketches: Junie Lee, Mr. Assimo, Cecilio Sasuman... He gathers them once more in this side-splitting compendium. 5 e at h e a lthy Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us, by Michael Moss The Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative reporter delves into why we just can stop munching on processed food.

6 r a m B le le s s a n d p o st m o r e i n s i g ht F u l stu F F The Tweetable Pope, by Michael J. O’ Loughlin O’ Loughlin breaks down each of the affable Pontiff’s 140 characters in a scholarly and spiritual context.

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WORDS : PAULO AGUILERA

1 F i g u r e o u t yo u r l i F e’s p u r p o s e Avenue of Mysteries, by John Irving Set in the Philippines, it tells the story of Juan Diego, a Mexican who is in the country for some soul-searching. If the protagonist's sister Lupe has the ability to read minds, Diego himself has to rely on his thoughts to unravel his future.

fhmphilofficial

www.fhm.com.ph

02 C OM ICS

Put it on paper

7 spend more time w ith m o m a n d p o p s For One More Day, by Mitch Albom How would you go about if you were given a chance to spend another 24 hours with a deceased loved one? Chick Benetto’s life was crashing down when he's taken back in time and reintroduced to the value of his existence. 8 s h e d yo u r B a By Fat Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen, by Christopher McDougall The reclusive Tarehumara tribe of Mexico are born runners. With the author setting off to learn their ways, he finds his inner athlete and discovers the true essence of running.

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9 l ay o F F th e c i g a r et te s Thank you for Smoking, by Christopher Buckley This political satire centers on a lobbyist who champions tobacco and its “benefits.” Brutally hilarious, the novel also puts a spotlight on several other industries supposedly damned by the media: alcohol and guns. 10 s ta rt s a v i n g u p Mount Pleasant, by Don Gillmor Protagonist Harry Salter thought his inheritance would salvage him from a ballooning debt. But after being left with a measly $4,200, he probes into the baffling loss of his father’s money and unravels a mess far more personal than financial.

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Ang badass na buhay ni lam-ang by Carlorozy Clemente What were you thinking when you came up with your comics? Gusto ko kasing i-remake yung comics na ginawa ko nung bata ako tungkol sa history lesson kay Lam-Ang, pero with a twist. If you were teleported into your comics, would you be happy or sad? Masaya dahil pinaghalo ko yung mundo nina Lam-Ang at yung modern world. Ang dami kasing possibilities!

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Libog by Rawrr Enrique If you had the chance to copy the style and talent of any comic creator, who would it be? Frank Miller. Akala ng iba madali yung ginagawa niya dahil black and white, pero ang hirap paglaruan ng contrast at lighting. What are your hopes for your comics? Gusto ko talagang mamainstream pero yung mga tema ko, hindi naman pang mainstream. Gusto kong malaman ng tao na merong comics na ganito.

fhmphilofficial

Zombinoy by pelikomiks studios Who inspired the characters in your comics? Yung isang character naming hippie, inspired by my uncle. Medyo drifter din kasi siya. Yung ibang characters based din sa pinaghalong ugali ng mga friends namin. May galit ba kayo at nilagay ninyo sila sa may zombie? Hindi naman. Actually, tribute pa nga yun sa kanila dahil pati mannerisms at sayings nila sinasama namin, at natutuwa naman sila kapag nababasa nila yun, ha ha!

Network wars by Angelo de Los Trinos aka AD3 What ispired your story? Actually, naglalaro kami ng Team Fortress 2 tapos may nag-joke lang, kung sakaling yung magkalabang red at blue team, naging ABS-CBN at GMA na lang. What are your hopes and dreams for your work? Hindi lang para sa amin pero para na rin sa grupo kong The Desk, sana sumikat pa kami para makaipon at makagawa pa kami ng bagong comics.

WORDS : CHISE ALCANTARA

The up-and-COMIng IndIe COMIC CreaTOrS aT KOMIKOn 2015 TalK Of begInnIngS, wIShful ThInKIng, and whaT MaKeS TheIr IMagInaTIOnS run wIld

JANUARY 2016 FH M 31

AC C ESS

03

Dogs more famous than you *aNd ONE LION SUPERHERO DOGS

TE LEVI S ION

The Will Smith show S LY H O U N D S

S I L LY M U T T S

STarS ThIS mONTh IN CONCuSSION, aS a brILLIaNT fOrENSIC NEurOpaThOLOgIST. hErE, a LIST Of wOrkS ThaT aLrEady wON hIm a gOLdEN TrOphy IN Our bOOk...

The Peanuts Movie out in theatres January 8

2

P L AYF U L P E T S

4 1

5

1 Hitch as Alex Hitchens

Should be on any man’s list of movies on self-improvement and avoiding allergic reactions. Winning line: “Because that’s what people do. They leap and hope to God they can fly. Because otherwise, we just drop like a rock... wondering the whole way down, "Why in the hell did I jump?"”

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2 Pursuit of Happyness as Chris Gardner

Highly aspirational and inspirational. #Feels Winning line: “Don’t ever let somebody tell you you can’t do something…You got a dream, you gotta protect it. If you want something, go get it. Period.”

3 I am Legend as Robert Neville

Made living alone bearable (thanks to his dog, Sam). So when his pooch died, your mantears fell on cue. Winning line: [quoting Bob Marley] “The people who are trying to make the world worse are not taking a day off. How can I? Light up the darkness.”

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4 Seven Pounds as Ben Thomas

Heavy-on-the-chest drama where Will’s character accidentally kills seven innocent people in a car mishap. He then plays the empathy card by donating his organs to the victims. Winning line: “In seven days, God created the world. And in seven seconds, I shattered mine.”

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5 Ali as Muhammad Ali

Took on Ali’s wit, swagger, and athletic genius, depicting the boxing great with justice. Winning line: “Want me to go somewhere and fight for you? You won't even stand up for me right here in America, for my rights and my religious beliefs. You won't even stand up for my right here at home.” www.fhm.com.ph

WORDS : ABBY MENDOZA AND PONG CASTILLO

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LARP!*

HangIng oUt wItH gaMe fanS and roCk band CHeatS

INTERVIEW: ASH MAHINAY

If you’re one of the Lanewaygoing types, then a bright spot in the Singaporean music fest’s lineup is the presence of local indie rock band Cheats. Known for their energetic stage presence– which you’d expect from an eightpiece ensemble spearheaded by two rowdy frontwomen–we think they’re the perfect export to get everyone hyped. But if you cant make it out there, they’re here to remind you that we don’t need to go far for quality sounds. We heard that “Cheats” came from video game loving, so what’s everyone playing? Saab Magalona: Dota 2 and Life is Strange. ernest aguila: DOTA! Jim bacarro: NBA 2K16– because if this music thing doesn’t pan out, the NBA is still an option. Manny tanglao: MGSV: The Phantom Pain and 2K too. Candy gamos: Plague Inc., ha ha! Mau torralba: Skyrim again, just because it’s the best game my PC can afford to run right now due to it being old. Jason Caballa: I’m the only band member who doesn’t play video games. I like toys, though… Does your manager have to wrangle you guys away from gaming to work on the band? Saab: Thankfully, no. Jim: Gaming, no. Other things, yes. www.fhm.com.ph

Jason: No. Jim does a good job of doing that already, ha ha! Mau: We love playing music together as well, so the transition from gamer-mode to band mode is not hard. There’s also eight of you. What does that bring to the table? Saab: Good: it’s always a riot. Bad: it’s always a riot! Jim: We keep making new songs, but it’s hard to get everyone together to finish said songs. Jason: I love the wall of sound that we create onstage. Also, if one of the guitar players breaks a string, another can easily compensate. The bad? Maybe we’re a little harder to schedule for shows or practice sessions because we’re twice as many as a typical band. ernest: It feels like we’re one big family. So you’re heading to Laneway. Thoughts about gigging abroad? Jason: We’re excited, definitely, but it’s not our first show abroad. We played a club show in Singapore last October 30. Saab: It’s going to be totally different with a bigger stage and crowd. Candy: It’s our first big show abroad. I can't wait to see how it’s going to pan out! Manny: It’s slowly sinking in how much of a big deal this is for me facebook.com/FHM.ph •

*Live-Action Role Playing but in this case, Rock Playing

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Clockwise from top: Ernest Aguila, Mau Torralba, Saab Magalona, Candy Gamos, Enzo Hermosa, Jason Caballa, Manny Tanglao, and Jim Bacarro

and the band. Fans love your live performances, what do you think a good live set has that hooks people? Saab: I think they like seeing us have fun on stage. Jim: When you know the band loves what they’re doing, you can forgive the technical mistakes and it's pure rock and roll. Jason: Great energy and it’s a give-and-take relationship between performer and audience. Candy: I think it's all because of Enzo, ha ha! Any nerves about performing for a foreign crowd? Jim: Yes, because I still get nervous before any show. And that’s a good thing, right? Manny: I still get nervous playing for the local crowds! Jason: Syempre, meron. But we'll make sure to have fun, first and foremost. If we’re feeling any pressure, it’s probably to give a good show to be able to set a good precedent so that Laneway twitter.com/fhmphil •

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will get at least one Pinoy act every year. More and more music fans are heading out of the country to watch festivals, what do you think this means for the local scene? Saab: I think it’s a bit sad that we needed to be included in an international music festival for some people to even notice we existed. They’re like, “see you at Laneway!” and we’re like, “you can watch us here, you know?” Candy: I think it’s alright–as long as these music fans go to the local gigs as well. Jim: I think this is just a result of the explosion of music streaming sites. It’s pretty cool in a way but hopefully they realize that their next favorite band is just playing along Katipunan or Guijo street. Jason: We have enough music festivals here. Local festivals like Wanderland and Bazooka Rocks seem to be well attended. ernest: We’re at your local bars. It’ll be cheaper to find us there! JANUARY 2016 FH M 33

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Wishing for release(s) JAN UARY

M AY

APRIL

JUNE No Man’s Sky This “procedurallygenerated” space explorer promises unlimited gameplay for the summer.

Uncharted 4: A Thief's End The best looking mud in an actionadventure game ever!

MARCH

Star Fox Zero Fill the lack of spaceflight games by going back to the original flying fox.

Quantum Break Max Payne’s developers go from bullet time to full time control.

MARCH

XCOM 2 This alien-fighting strategy game can totally be your date on Valentines.

Hyrule Warriors Zelda mashed up with Dynasty Warriors? Sounds like a romp!

APRIL

Mirror's Edge Catalyst Parkour around in one of the best looking games of 2016, guaranteed.

Als o com i ng

FE B R UARY

AU G U ST

Tom Clancy’s The Division MMO style squad shooting in a NYC that’s been wiped out by biological terror.

DECEMBER

Deus Ex: Mankind Divided The return of Adam Jensen, 10% man 90% machine super agent.

Mass Effect Andromeda The beginning of a new trilogy and the ultimate Christmas present for all.

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WORDS : ASH MAHINAY

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OUR LOvE AffAIR WITh MULTI-AWARD WINNINg ACTRESS AND SExIEST IN ThE LAND WINNER jENNYLYN MERCADO REAChES A TANTALIzINg CLIMAx IN hER fOURTh COvER AppEARANCE. gENTLEMEN, WE ThINK YOU’LL AgREE WhEN WE SAY, ThIS DESERvES A STANDINg OvATION

his marks the 8th anniversary of Jennylyn Mercado’s FHM cover debut in January 2008. Looking back, a lot has happened to Jen since she first posed for us. She gave birth to a bouncing baby boy, starred in

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numerous television shows, and landed several endorsement deals. She busted out critically acclaimed indie flicks while at the same time conquering the box-office. On her spare time, she even managed to compete in triathlons. Among all her triumphs and accolades, however, it was her Best Actress win at the 40th Metro Manila Film Festival that got her a premiere spot on the pop culture radar. The movie: English Only, Please, a lighthearted romantic comedy about a language tutor who falls head over heels in love with her non-Tagalogspeaking balikbayan student. Sounds pretty basic? Well, it is and it isn’t. Yes, it’s a conventional rom-com aimed to please a predominantly female movie audience. Yet it was an unexpected vehicle for Jennylyn to showcase her natural talent for inducing laughter that rode on the pulse of the zeitgeist—a generation all too obsessed with unabashed displays of emotion expressed through #feels and #hugot. And since we’re on the subject, FHM was lucky enough to have its

own public display of emotion when, last year, the magazine finally crowned Jennylyn Mercado Sexiest in the Land for 2015. So not only was she considered one of the most talented actresses of her generation, but she was exalted as the country’s finest female specimen. Indubitable sex appeal and award-winning thespian chops: a career combo for success. And here she is yet again, returning the favor tenfold. It may have taken a little over seven years for her to claim the top spot, but as you can see, it was well worth the wait. First off, congratulations for being the Sexiest Woman in the Land for 2015! How did it feel? Thank you! Siyempre nagulat ako. Every year, I’m always either number 3 or number 5—somewhere in that range. So I didn’t really expect to win because hindi rin naman talaga namin kina-career yung sa voting. I’m not sure kung kina-career ng mga fans and the readers. Well, based on the results, they did.

Jennylyn

When I found out the results, I was on my way to New York for a shoot. Naka-T-shirt lang ako kasi I needed to wear something comfortable for the long flight. Sabi ng manager ko that I had to do an interview before boarding—I thought the interview was going to be about my shoot so I agreed. All of a sudden, dumating yung media and they asked how I would feel if I won the number one spot on FHM’s 100 Sexiest list. Sabi ko, “Okay lang. Eh di, thank you!” Tapos ako na nga pala and then naglabasan yung staff ng FHM to congratulate me! Ano ba kayo? Sana nakapaghanda man lang ako! Sana nagsuot ako ng dress man lang di ba? Wala ako sa ayos! Ha ha! We’re glad that we were able to surprise you and catch you off guard. Does being named Sexiest in the Land put pressure on you to keep your body in check? Oo naman. Kung number one ka, hindi ka pwedeng tumaba! Ha ha! Kailangan fit ka, alagaan mo dapat yung sarili mo. I put in double the effort to take care of myself.

What was it like performing at the 100 Sexiest Victory Party? How did it feel to be onstage with hundreds of adoring fans screaming your name? They requested that I sing, that I do a song number, so I did. Mas kinabahan ako dun sa paglakad! Why? I’m not very confident walking in high heels. Sanay ako wearing flats. Pag naka-heels na ako, ibang usapan na yan! I’m always afraid that I’m going to fall. Nasa isip ko palagi, “Shit, madadapa ba ako?” or “Dahan-dahan lang…” Iba yung nerbyos! Well, the nerves didn’t show at all during the party. And your body, as always, was pretty tight! Can you tell us more about how you stay in shape and keep yourself sexy? I really don’t do diets so I need to work out more than usual. Mahilig ako sa sweets and I’m the type of girl who eats hindi yung hanggang busog lang, kailangan punung-puno yung feeling. I went into extreme sports because bagay siya sa body type ko. It’s effective because I lose weight with

minimal effort. I just need to finish training and the race tapos petite na ako! Ha ha! Are triathlons as mental as they are physical? Yes. It’s 90 percent mental. I’ve joined a lot of races where it felt like it wouldn’t end my brain was already telling me: “You’re tired. Stop.” Tapos titigil ako at iiyak kasi gusto ko nang tapusin before my cutoff time. When you think you’re tired, magiging pagod talaga ang buong katawan mo at aayaw na siya. When you tell yourself that you can do it, you can really finish. Tapos parang kaya pa ng isang round ulit! Ganun yung feeling! That’s how I proved to myself that it’s mental more than physical. How did your life change when you won the Best Actress award for English Only, Please at the 40th Metro Manila Film Festival? Wala naman! Things are still the same. There’s just more pressure because everyone expects na perfect ako umarte lagi. Ay hindi eh! Sorry! Forever pa rin akong nag-aaral when it comes to my craft.

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Jennylyn

I think men should watch rom-com films for a change. When you think about it, they kind of mirror how relationships are in the real world

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Jennylyn

What was running through your head when they announced your name during the ceremony? Finally! Sabi ko talaga sa sarili ko, “Finally!” First time ko gumawa ng comedy tapos dun pa ako nanalo. Eh ang dami kong ginawang mga heavy drama and I didn’t garner any acclaim so siguro nga doon na talaga ako papunta towards the lighter side of the acting world. What excites you about doing romantic comedies? You’ve done and released three of them [English Only, Please, The Prenup, and Walang Forever] in the last yearand-a-half. Why does the genre appeal to you? For one, it’s lighter. Para kang hindi nagtratrabaho. Mas fun yung experience sa set. Hindi yung maya’tmaya sinasampal ka, sinasabunutan ka, at umiiyak. It’s different. I feel like mas nailalabas ko yung true self ko, yung tunay na ako. Light naman talaga kasi ako kasama in real life. This kind of work, for me, comes more naturally. If it comes to you so naturally, do you ever see yourself in the characters you play in these romcoms? Yes! The character of Tere in English Only, Please, that’s me! Let me share the story of how that character came to life. That role was very experimental because during the shooting of that film, hindi ko alam na meron pala silang hidden camera rolling sa loob ng dressing room ko. So nakukuha nung camera yung mga times na ginugulo ko si Derek [Ramsay], yung mga staff. And then after, tinawag ako ni direk [Dan Villegas] tapos pinakita niya sa akin yung footage. Sabi niya na yun ang gawin ko, yan si Tere! There’s this notion that men don’t enjoy rom-coms, but what sort of lessons can guys pick up from watching these kinds of films? Kasi pag romantic comedy films, nakokornihan or nababaduyan ang guys. Pag sa girls, gusto nila kasi nakakakilig. I think men should watch these films for a change. They should try to absorb what goes on in the story. Kadalasan, what happens in the movie is what can happen in real life. The truth is, relationships are and can be funny. As a couple, you’ll fight, but then you’ll laugh about it after. When you think about it, rom-coms kind of mirror how relationships are in the real world. Walang Forever, which was shown in the 2015 Metro Manila Film Festival, is your second rom-com under the direction of Dan Villegas. It seems like you’re his muse.

What’s it like working with a talented filmmaker who is changing the game when it comes to this genre? Si direk Dan, pag nakatrabaho mo mukha siyang masungit, pero ang sarap niya katrabaho. Maloko siya kasi bata pa rin siya. It’s amazing to work with people who create that light environment. Para lang kaming naglalaro. Sorry for the term, pero para lang kami nag-gagaguhan on the set. He’s the type of director who feels what’s going on in the scene. He knows the emotions, asks you what you think, and taps into that. He gives you the freedom to play with the role. This is your fourth cover for FHM and a lot has changed in your life since then. Does showing skin for the camera and channeling your sensual side ever get comfortable? Yes. It gets easier. What has the experience been like? We first featured you as a StarStruck alum, and now you’re an award-winning, top-billing actress. You’ve kind of grown up with the magazine. Well, the first cover, that’s before I even got pregnant with my son. I even think I was pregnant during the shoot and just didn’t know it. That time, ayokong magpakita ng kahit ano! The second, nanganak na ako, so I had a lot of inhibitions because of my stretch marks from childbirth. Dumami yung limitations! For the third cover, which was a little over two years ago, I was already fit. I was more confident. And what about this time around? You seemed to have your game-face on during the whole shoot. Okay na ako! I was super comfortable with the team, especially with Mark [Nicdao, photographer], who shoots most of my stuff. Don’t you find it weird and kind of ironic that, the older you get, the more confident you are in your sexiness? Ha ha! Yes, it is kind of weird. I think it’s because marami na rin akong pinagdaanan and I feel like before, when I didn’t have a kid, medyo mataba ako so I wasn’t confident. Pero nung tumagal, I got in shape and became more conscious and confident with my body. What advice can you give girls who are scared of getting in touch with their sexual selves? As long as you’re comfortable, lalabas na yung confidence. Embrace your body type. Embrace kung ano talaga at kung sino kayo. Mahalin mo lang yung sarili mo tapos positive na ang lalabas rin mula sayo.

Would you say that there’s a lot of acting involved in terms of posing for FHM? Do you need to get into a certain character? It’s more about movement and attitude. Whatever is going through your head should be projected toward the camera so the audience can feel it. Wala lang lines and walang damit masyado! Ha ha! Now that you’ve been doing a lot of rom-coms, is there any fear of being typecast into a certain box? You know, the “she-can-only-doromantic-comedies-and-nothingelse” box? Okay lang sa akin. Walang fear of being typecast. Payag ako kung ako pa ang susunod kay Pokwang, ha ha! You’re naturally funny, which is needed in creating a successful romcom, but would you call yourself a romantic? Oo naman! Wala lang akong karomansa ngayon! Ha ha! Pero romantic talaga ako, maniwala kayo! Lately, Pinoy pop-culture seems to be obsessed with the concept of “hugot”. What do you think are the positive and negative effects of being too open about and playful with our emotions? Sa negative muna—minsan sumosobra na. People sometimes expose their emotions too much. Sometimes it should be kept inside, be kept private. Yung tipong magpo-post ang isang tao sa Twitter ng hugot tapos iisipin mo “Ano’ng pinagdaraanan nito? Ano ba yan!” On the positive side, however, it’s nice because it can make you laugh. There’s a comedy aspect to it. The latest movie is called Walang Forever. Sorry, but in the spirit of your new romantic comedy, we have to ask, naniniwala ka ba sa forever? No. Nothing is permanent in this world. Lahat naman tayo mamamatay di ba? Lahat ng gamit at bagay mawawala at masisira. Mayroong pang-lifetime, pero sorry, walang forever. That being said, you were joking a while ago during the shoot that this will be your last cover for FHM. Why are you breaking up with us so soon? Ha ha! Hindi naman sa ganun. Hindi na din ako bumabata, so bigay naman natin sa mga mas deserving. I can say that doing FHM was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. Baring myself for the camera used to be one of my biggest fears, but after doing FHM, when I saw how tastefully done the photos were, masasabi ko na naging tama ang desisyon ko. It’s rare that you’ll have an opportunity like this in your life, so might as well grab it. Minsan lang yan. FHM

Jennylyn

W O R D S : P O N G M . CASTI L LO P H O T O G R A P H Y : PAU L M O N D O K

Uber. Airbnb. Two entrepreneurs roll in this age: bypass the old rules of establishment with a swipe on your smartphone. We survey the new caveat emptor* philosophy and see how it works Pinoy-style

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* Let t he b uy er be wa r e. The b ed ro ck p rin cip le o f fr ee e nt er p ri se

examples of how

RIDING THE SYSTEM Uber is a ride-sharing smartphone application that originated in San Francisco, California in 2009, founded by Travis Karanick and Garett Camp, to ease the everyday commuter’s dilemma: hailing a cab. It was initally called “UberBlacks” because it serviced its customers with black luxury cars in the SanFo area, providing Uber riders with the experience of a chauffer ride. It breached traditional government regulation by employing drivers who qualified to operate an Uber unit according to the company’s terms and conditions without having to go through the rigorous process of applying a government franchise. In less than four years, Uber has expanded its operations across the globe, starting in Paris, to Asian cities including Metro Manila, and is now worth over $50 billion. According to the terms and agreement of Uber operations, 20 percent of your weekly earnings will automatically be remitted to Uber’s online bank account. “That’s their share in the business,” explains Velarde. “Then 60 percent of what is left in your Uber Wallet goes to the operator, and the rest go to the driver.” He says that there are days when his Uber driver meets the quota in the first four hours on the road. As for the surge—or the conditional increase in Uber fares depending on Since Airbnb was founded, it has passenger demands and traffic situation—the same distribution of profit applies. already hosted over 60 million “It took me a little over a month to accomplish the paperwork,” says Velarde. guests worldwide, with Asia as its Applying to operate an Uber unit starts with an investigation of your car. fastest growing market in 2015. “You have to submit interior and exterior photos of the car along with the car registration,” he shares. “After that, you have to apply your car under the category Transportation Network Vehicle Service (TNVS) in the Department of Trade and Industry (DTI) and the Basti Velarde, 27, an interior designer at a Land Transportation and Franchising Regulatory multinational design firm based in Ortigas, Board (LTFRB).” purchased a brand new Toyota Innova mid last The first few steps are for the accreditation year, plunking a downpayment of P100,000 of the provisionary authority (PA)—or permission and amortizing P18,000 a month to pay off the to operate—which took Velarde two and a balance. He was looking to provide his young half months to accomplish. While you need to family with their own ride, but he was also well accomplish a certificate of public convenience aware that paying off the car’s amortization would (CPC) to complete your business permit, you may put a dent in his finances. “So I enrolled my Innova start operating your unit once your Uber account in Uber, and now I realize that I would have had gets activated five days after applying for the PA. difficulty paying for the car if it were not for the Karun Arya, Uber communications lead ride sharing service,” Velarde says. in South Asia, said in an interview with the On his first month of operations, Velarde Philippine Daily Inquirer last year: “In Manila, the earned P40,000 net, but he still keeps his day job. response we have received both from riders and “I commissioned my uncle for the job. He drives our drivers has far exceeded our expectations and Uber unit five days a week. We have a quota of at we continue to see tremendous growth.” least 15 passengers a day. So far, our business relationship has been going well.” The money he earns As of writing, the Uber office in the from Uber ensures that his car’s monthly amortization is met, and he gets to help his uncle out. Philippines—and in Asia, for that matter—has not Anne Patulan, 32, an OFW based in Macau, purchased a 24 sq.-m studio condominium unit at disclosed any information of the industry growth The Beacon Tower in Makati in 2013. She bought it for P2 million and pays a monthly amortization of in the said region in terms of company profit. P30,000. About the same time as Uber, Airbnb was “I bought the unit for personal use. I wanted a place to stay in whenever I come home,” Patulan founded by Brian Chesky, Joe Gebia, and says. But coming home to Manila only once or twice a year made her rethink her investment. “I Nathan Blecharzyk in San Francisco, California, enrolled it to Airbnb to help me with the mortgage.” On average, she gets three Airbnb guests in a in 2008. Airbnb, which is a term short for month, mostly international tourists. Her Airbnb rate is at P1,600 per night, which can be paid online “air mattress bed and breakfast,” is an online via credit card transaction. “My Airbnb bookings already cover half of my monthly amortization, but I marketplace for people who wants to share don’t really want to call it a business. I’m renting it out only when I am not around. If it were a business, lodging, whether as hosts or guests, while I would charge more to cover the entire mortgage. To me, [Airbnb] is only a help, I can’t solely depend transacting a peer-to-peer business. Airbnb aims on it to pay the bills,” Patulan says. to serve budget-minded travelers and property Uber and Airbnb are two prime examples of the new online sharing service platform that is owners looking for another tool to earn income. currently disrupting the status quo of free enterprise. Dubbed as the new sharing economy, these In the last quarter of 2015, the Department online sharing services are bypassing the rules of entrepreneurship, ownership, and even government of Tourism recorded almost 400,000 tourists policies by placing the power directly on the ones doing business and using the service through the arriving in the Philippines, with Koreans being power of smartphone technology. the top visiting market. This number generated “Smartphone applications make things so much easier. In a way, developers like Uber and Airbnb earnings of up to P168.75 billion. “Airbnb sees have set up the online infrastructure that makes it easy for anyone to be entrepreneurial,” says Art Asia as an important region for its market with 400 Ilano, professor of marketing management and strategic planning at the University of the Philippines. percent growth across the board,” says Airbnb Asia “The barrier to entry has been stripped away. So now anyone with a car can do ride-sharing, and communications officer Lena Sönnichsen, “the anyone with spare accommodations can play hostel.” Which is what Velarde and Patulan are doing. Philippines is among the faster growing markets.” In a way, the new sharing economy also puts less pressure on the “dream to own things.” Professor Ilano explains that the growth of According to financial guru Robert Kiyosaki in his book Rich Dad Poor Dad—a man known for his Airbnb in the Philippines can be rooted in the fact contrarian, often controversial, views on many things money-related— the dream of owning a home that investing in real estate has become more is an expensive and misguided dream. It requires you to plonk down a lot of money, which essentially affordable in the past decade, prompting investors could just be invested in something that is more economically productive for you. There are people to make use of their properties in more ways than who buy cars and could barely afford the monthly dues. Ilano says that the more practical decision is one. “Sometimes it’s better to just rent things and to put your money into a vehicle or tool that potentially earns you profit. pay for the things on an as-needed basis,” he says. “[Uber and Airbnb] is a way of making money work for you,” Ilano says.

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the new economy “It’s like the concept behind time-sharing condominiums. Why own a condo full-time when you only use it once or twice a year?” “Enrolling your house or apartment unit in Airbnb is easy,” says Patulan. “You just have to sign up for an Airbnb account online, which you can opt to use as a guest or as a host,” she adds. Registration is free, and Airbnb even sends over an official photographer to take photos of your unit you can use on the website. “You just have to submit a valid ID to verify your identity, and may start hosting immediately after application has been processed,” she says. For guests, on the other hand, you are free to browse through over one million listings worlwide. Hosts are paid through bank deposits, credit card transactions, or money transfers. Patulan says that only three percent service fee from that goes to Airbnb to cover the cost of processing the payment transaction. “Airbnb listings have a wide range of prices to cater to all kinds of travelers,” adds Patulan. Property consultant Chris Villamor shares that out of the 2000 units for the two towers at The Beacon, only about 60 percent are lived in by actual residents. “The rest of the unit owners have their spaces rented,” Villamor says. Technically, most condominiums don’t allow the space-sharing system because there is a minimum lease term of six months. “But since Airbnb doesn’t affect the business negatively, we take it as a sign that our properties are exposed to potential foreign buyers,” he says. “So, we just double our security measures to the Airbnb clients of The Beacon unit owners,” says Villamor. “After almost 40 succesful Airbnb hostings this year, I can say that the new sharing economy is teaching customers and operators to trust strangers. You have to trust how the system works,” says Patulan.

Transportation Franchise and Regulatory Board (LTFRB) in accepting applications of interested ride-sharing services operators for at least 20 days. The petition was passed by Angat Tsuper Samahan ng mga Tsuper at Operator ng Pilipinas Genuine Organization Transport Coalition, Incorporated (STOP and GO) because the sudden increase in the operation of the transportation network vehicle services (TNVS) units have caused other public utility vehicles a significant loss in income. Less than three months prior to the TRO, the LTFRB accredited ride-sharing smartphone application Uber as a Transport Network Company (TNC) to legitimize its operation in the country. As of this writing, 4,465 accredited TNVS units are left unaffected of the TRO while 3,500 applications for TNVS operations are put on hold. Romy Ramos, 48, former driver of a metered taxi, says that their income significantly decreased since the popularity of ride-sharing services. “Mas humirap na ang kumuha ng pasahero kasi mas marami nang nag-u-Uber o kaya Grab[Taxi],” he shares. “Yung boundary namin, hindi na kakayanin makuha ng dose oras lang sa daan.” The taxi company where Ramos used to work required him to hit at least P2,300 per day, P700 of which he was able to take home. “Ipinatupad na nila ang P10 rollback sa pasahe ng taxi, pakiramdam namin nun nabawasan pa yung kita namin,” shares Ramos. He added that the taxi transport system in the country pushed drivers to work beyond their required hours just to meet the “boundary” and be able to put food on the table. As of this writing, it’s been two months since Ramos resigned as a taxi driver. On the other hand, Uber operator Velarde says that security and convenience are what you pay for their services. “The reason for the rapid expansion of this kind of service not only lies in its profitability on the part of the operators and drivers. Uber users find great security in terms of payment transaction, ride experience, and customer feedback,” he says. Patulan also thinks that aside from earning money by “sharing” your personal properties, the new economic system promotes social entrepreneurs. “I guess people now are more practical. If you come to a place and one of your main goals is cultural immersion, then the peer-to-peer system is the way to go,” says Patulan. “Also, if you’re not going to stay in the room the entire day, who would need a hotel accommodation that can charge you thousands more only for plush pillows?” While the sharing system are opening the doors of business to mavericks and newbies, it greatly affects the sustenance of old players in the industry. In an ideal setup, Professor Ilano says that it should be “easy for big players to retool,” like how GrabTaxi allows its metered units to operate like chauffered private vehicles. “Come to think of it, hoteliers should be open to the idea of hopping into Airbnb by flooding the market with its idle rooms. If anything, big players should have a natural economic advantage as they have better-managed costs,” he adds. “Also, the application of this can extend to other things and services. Anything that involves a large cash outlay but with minimal daily use can be part of the sharing economy. Think heavy machinery, specialized tools, specialized facilities such as recording studios.” In the future, anyone can do business just by thinking it. Forget economics and government policies. But until then, it’s still caveat emptor—let the buyer beware. FHM

THE ‘NEW’ CONSUMERS Mariver Reyes, 26, an IT consultant at a call center in Taguig, takes either Uber or GrabTaxi going home from work every night. “I prefer booking rides instead of hailing a cab, especially since my work ends at 3 a.m.,” she shares. “It’s safer because driver and vehicle details are directly emailed to you, plus you have an option to pay via credit card.” Uber initially allowed only credit card transactions in their application for booking a ride, while GrabTaxi initially transacted on a cash-only basis. In the last quarter of the year, both ride-sharing applications made cash and credit transactions available to the market. While booking details are readily available for customers’ reference, both Uber and GrabTaxi ensure consumer feedback via their in-app rating window that appears after each successful ride. Reyes says that as a consumer, “these kinds of apps give more power to the rider and the driver. Giving feedback is available for both ends, filtering the system.” Velarde adds: “At least with Uber, delinquent or low-rated drivers will be suspended after a certain number of low ratings or complaints. We were briefed about that, making us more careful and considerate as operators and drivers.” “Airbnb gives similar services and “perks” to its consumers,” says frequent traveler Jennica Santos, 23. “Reviews are readily available online, so you would know how your experience will go before making any commitment in booking a place,” she says. Santos believes that aside from the more affordable rates available in Airbnb, this kind of accommodation allows you to immerse in the culture of the locals instead of locking yourself up in the hotel room. “Ang mentality kasi is susulitin mo yung hotel room, mahal kasi ang bayad,” Santos says.

According to Ilano, big traditional players should think of ways to jump in the new economy to sustain business and market.

Online applications are able to reach users from as many as 50 countries for Uber, and 190 countries for Airbnb.

BREAKING THE ECONOMY In December 2015, a temporary restraining order (TRO) on ride-sharing services Uber and GrabCar was issued by a Quezon City court to halt the Land

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WORDS: ASH MAHINAY

ILLUSTRATIONS: MELVIN CALINGO

nextge

nextge

Millennials have developed new skill sets very different from their fellow dudes of, say,

in AthLeticS OLD DUDE IS A… Basketball/Football/Team Sport Player Athletically, being an alpha male used to mean one thing: play ball for the team. It might not have been the school varsity squad, or perhaps they rode the bench, but sporting bros were sure to have the coveted playerissue varsity jackets and jerseys that girls love to borrow and look cute in–at the same time getting definitively marked as the property of Mr. Jersey Number 24. Going past academic days, you have the weekend warrior (or night scrimmage player), who has the above average fitness level to show for it, as well as the humblebrag opportunity to flex his sporting prowess by inviting a lady over to watch his game–slyly giving her eye contact whenever he sinks a killer three.

MILLENNIAL BRO IS A… Crossfitter/Gym buff There are many modern bros who don’t play any sports and instead devote themselves to countless hours pumping iron in pursuit of fitness and bodily aesthetic perfection–they’ve got abs for days, sculpted pecs, bulging biceps, and possibly chicken legs from skipping leg day. Relationship goals don’t revolve around the girl cheering from the sideline; rather, Crossfit (and general gym rat behavior) becomes a couple activity–man and woman can stare into each other’s eyes while furiously attempting 100 crunches. It’s not as glamorous as dropping shots all over hapless defenders, but doing a clean and jerk of twice your date’s bodyweight is sure to stir some of their primal desires.

TradiTional aThleTe or modern gym buff? “I’m an athlete. I want someone who I can train and be comfortable with.”

PAULETTE

SCORE OLD DUDE 1 MILLENNIAL 1

“I don’t really excel in many sports, so I’d rather choose the gym buff since I’m a lover of fitness myself!”

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engent

engent

two decades back. But do the ladies dig all their 2.0 stuff or does old school still rule?

THE PANELISTS

in the kitchen

PAULETTE QUINTO Model, PMAP Discipline Officer, Mafae Management JAZ REYES 99.5 PLAY FM DJ PRINCESS LEGASPI Model, TV/Events host

OLD DUDE CAN… Cook actual food “I’m cooking” is one of the most legitimate reasons ever for a girl to head into a dude’s man cave. It implies preparation, hard work, and that a guy appreciates a girl enough to slave away in the kitchen for her. There is no guarantee that he will be cooking a delicious meal, and it could even be a total disaster, but knowing he can save you from starvation if ever you were marooned on a desert island together is always worth at least 100 man points. Guys who cook often stick to simpler dishes (AKA pasta, pasta, and pasta), but you know what they all say about them anyway: pwede na magasawa!

MILLENNIAL BRO CAN… Make those latte things na may design Even though every human being likes to eat–because, you know, survival–listing down “food” as an interest is now a thing because we’ve been spoilt for choice with so many eating options popping up. In an ironic twist, many foodies have actually lost the knowledge of creating their own food–instead they’ve curated an expansive list of feeding spots to sate their dates. Plus, aside from always having an answer (or three) to “Saan tayo kakain?” foodie bros have mastered arcane techniques such as creating delicate latte art, which is infinitely more impressive than cooking an omelet for the morning after. Looks wise, at least.

Home-cooked or home-brewed? “They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Well, apparently that’s also one route to take to get to a woman’s heart, right?”

PAULETTE

“Home-cooked, by far! All my relatives overseas have amazing husbands who can cook up a storm. Besides, I like mine black, so no thank you for any milky design that just ruins the coffee.”

SCORE OLD DUDE 2 MILLENNIAL 1

JAZ

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in MUSic

WordS or PicTures? “I believe I had fallen in love with many writers simply by how they spew out words and weave them together. Definitely, someone who isn’t lazy and uses “intelligent” instead of “very smart” is something I am very drawn to.”

in the ARt S

JAZ

OLD DUDE MASTERS… Writing and/or drawing A dude’s method of self-expression back then meant scribbling down his thoughts in a notebook or drawing them on a classic blue Corona sketchpad (spiral-bound, of course). Fellow dudes discovering the artistic treasure would likely cause him to implode in embarrassment, but if you happen to be a girl he likes, then romantic dude may reluctantly share them with you. Majority of his work may be baduy as fuck, but there’s something nice about a guy who takes the time out to make things with his hands–especially if they happen to be for and about her.

OLD DUDE CAN… Play the guitar—and harana the girl by the bintana To be clear, we aren’t talking about career “band guys” here because they can be real pricks; we’re talking about the dude who can strum simply as a personal hobby. Said guitar skills come in handy when impressing a girl because he can regale her with his very own rendition of “Thinking Out Loud” during alone time. Him singing along with his string-plucking skills is a whole different matter though…

MILLENNIAL BRO CAN… Produce electronic beats Born in an era of optional music classes, this bro could have never picked up an instrument in his life but he’ll be the guy who gets to man the decks in all the birthdays and office parties. He always has the newest and catchiest tracks that you’ve heard somewhere and desperately want to find out the title and who the artist is. Aside from his DJ-ing prowess, he can even make his own remixes to include in heartfelt Spotify playlists dedicated to his babe.

StringS or beaTs? “A man who takes the courage to sing even if he sounds really bad is the sweetest–and definitely knows how to use his fingers!”

MILLENNIAL BRO MASTERS… Instagram and photography This bro constantly pauses and snaps random things because you can never have too many profoundly captioned uploads on Instagram. “Everyone’s a photographer” these days, but it still warms a girl’s heart in a major way when he uploads a perfectlyshot candid of her looking real hot and she didn’t have any idea he took it. If the girl is the private type, then prepare for her wrath, albeit it comes with everyone calling you their couple goals because it’s oh so sweet.

SCORE OLD DUDE 3 MILLENNIAL 1

SCORE OLD DUDE 4 MILLENNIAL 1 PAULETTE

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nextgengent

On DAteS

On LAte niG ht tALk S OLD DUDE WILL… Call you on your cellphone…or landline The day is long and the commute longer, but what the dude awaits is the nightly conversation–actual talking on the phone! If his household is baller, then he has a cellphone or wireless telephone to his ear while he sits on his bed. Otherwise he’s in the kitchen/sala, lowering his voice whenever someone passes by.

MILLENNIAL BRO WILL… Chat 24/7…while talking to other people too Through the wonders of mobile data, couples never need to be out of touch ever again. Days become running conversations, which fills the need for interaction–even through incomprehensible strings of emojis. The downside: bro’s attention is highly unlikely to be directed exclusively towards his lovely chatmate at anytime.

SCORE OLD DUDE 5 MILLENNIAL 2

callS or emojis? “Tone changes and subtle laughs allow me to feel my man better!”

On BReeZY MOVe S OLD DUDE INVITES YOU… to the movies Seeing a flick the old school way means anticipating and planning for the next big release. It also involves the hassle of lining up for tickets, getting crap seats, and the possibility of noisy mouth-breathing people beside you. The trade-off? Seeing a movie on the big screen with a booming sound system still makes it more enjoyable despite having high-definition at home. The whole process of dinner and bringing the date home after the film is also added value and quality “chancing” time–and gastos…

MILLENNIAL BRO INVITES YOU… to hang and watch TV series and torrents AKA Netflix. This manner of ingesting media is more spontaneous—maybe less special, in a way, but also more intimate. No pakipot in the your-place-or-my-place department—man and woman are guaranteed to be together on the couch (sometimes even in bed) and oozing hormonal signals if it’s time to take it to the next level. Though if neither lives independent, then things can easily get messy fast!

PAULETTE

O L D DUD E T RIES T O … Small talk about stuff happening in the world And by stuff happening in the world, we mean, “What did you have for lunch?” and not the geopolitical situation in Syria. On the flip side, this shows the lady that he’s been thinking about her and really wants to talk, which may elicit kilig or disdain. MILLENNIAL BRO LINKS YOU TO… Youtube vids, listicles– and will tag you too This bro’s tactics star the infamous “Let’s?” This could be done through private message, but he chooses to leave it out in the open–it shows that he wants your attention. Now.

movie seaTs or bed SHeetS?

Pa-simPle or direct?

“I’m a low maintenance girl. I’d rather watch GoT with you under the sheets than spend 200 bucks wrapped in your jacket.”

“I’d rather he has bala and knows what he wants to talk about before talking to me.” JAZ

SCORE OLD DUDE 4 MILLENNIAL 2

SCORE OLD DUDE 5 MILLENNIAL 3 PRINCESS

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PH O TO G RA PH Y

CHARL ES B UEN CO N SEJO INTERVIEW

K H Y N E PAL UMAR S TY L ING

DE B RA BERN AL ES G RO O MING

A N NE CASTAÑ O PR O P S TY L ING

G E N IE RAN ADABABISTA

old school

We’ve assembled fine examples of character comedians who’ve been making people laugh for a long while now. They’re still on TV, and they still make you laugh. Why are they still funny? Here’s why...

lol!

the

to g n i d r o acc

y m m i J

If today a six-foot-man showed up in a sideways baseball cap, with his basketball shirt tucked inside his high-waisted pants, then laughed in a witchy male voice and ended every sentence with “I love you three times a day!,” you’d probably be more suspicious than you’d be giggling. But this is us describing Jimmy Santos as a combination of his ‘80s Mars Ravelo character Bondying, his early career’s turn as TVJ villain, and his natural love for laughs and basketball. He tells us that he nicked the ‘I love you’ catchphrase off doctors’ prescriptions. “Di ba sinasabi ng doktor, ‘O iho, inumin mo ito three times a day.’ So sabi ko, ‘I love you three times a day!’ [launches into witchy male giggle]” And as it’s becoming clearer that we can’t show you how funny Jimmy Santos is just by talking about him. We let him do the talking… How much of phrases like ‘I love you three times a day’ was scripted, and how much of it was impromptu? Meron silang script na binibigay sa akin, tapos nag-su-suggest ako ng mga linya sa mga writers, pumapayag naman sila. Kadalasan binabago ko lang yung dulo, pero minsan nag-iiba man yung linya, yun pa rin ang pinupunto.

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Halimbawa yung linya: ‘Para sa lahat.’ Sasabihin ko ‘It’s for every all!’ O kaya pag magpapasalamat ako, sasabihin ko ‘Thank you for your complimentary tickets!’ And you’ve done pretty iconic commercials back in the day—all of them with the same script-tweaking formula? Oo, ganun pa rin. Yung unang ginawa kong commercial, sa McDo

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naman, ako unang nag-localize ng McDonald’s. [motions an M over his head] Binalik ko yung ‘I love McDo three times a day!’ Sa Birch Tree naman naalala ko yung by word ko dun. (in upbeat, lambast English voice) “Holy Cow! From the Europe-speaking cow of the green, green grass of home! Drink Birch Tree. It’s for every all.” Dun naman nagsimula yung every all, kasi sabi dun sa script para sa lahat. So ginawa ko ‘it’s for every all.’ And ‘every all’ must enjoy your sense of humor. Is that the secret to staying in the industry for as long as you have? Oo. Yan ang kailangan sa industriya natin. Kailangan friendly lahat. Ke maliit, ke malaki—lahat dapat pakikisamahan mo. Lalo yung mga crew. Dapat magawa mo yung trabaho mo nang maayos para happy lahat. Kasi hindi naman pera ang pinag-uusapan dito. Ang importante, maayos yung samahan. How has the samahan from TVJ to Eat Bulaga! progressed so far? Are you planning to do different things now that you’re out in the barangays in ‘Juan for All, All for Juan’? Dati kasi, yung tatlo [Wally, Jose at Paulo], sila yung nagtatakbuhan sa barangay. Pero ngayon sa bago nilang mga karakter [as lola Nidora, Tinidora, Tidora] kailangan nilang magbihis, mag-makeup. Eh mainit, kung tatakbo pa sila, huhulas at huhulas yung makeup nila. So ang ginawa kami na lang ni Anjo [Yllana] yung tinoka sa takbuhan. Is there a new project in the works that we’d be excited to hear about? May mga offers. Kasi rito sa ginagalawan nating hanapbuhay

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ang importante wag ka mawala sa sirkulasyon. Basta simple at matiyaga ka rito. Itong ginagalawan nating hanapbuhay, walang katapusan itong pag-aaral. Kung may nakikita ka pang gustong gawin, walang tigil yan. Dapat tuloy-tuloy. Yung ibang hindi mo pa nagagawa wini-wish mo yan para magtuloy tuloy at matuto ka. You’re too likable. Have you never made an enemy? Ako kasi kaibigan ang hanap ko hindi kaaway. Kasi ang kaaway madali. Magbato ka lang ng isang bote sa kalye, away na yun. Pero yung kaibigan mahirap hanapin. Kailangan sincero ka at hindi makikipag-plastikan. Ngayon halimbawa, may hindi ka gustong tao. Madali lang yan: kunin mo yung cellphone mo: ‘Hello? Hindi kita marinig! Hello? Sandali, lalabas ako” Yung labas mong yun, hindi ka na babalik. Kasi pag may times na may hindi ka gusto bakit ka makikipag-plastikan? Pero kung gusto mo naman yung mga tao, bakit ka iiwas? Kailangan sincero ka everytime makikipagkaibigan. And how sincere are you about comedy? Mahal ko ang comedy. Bungisngis talaga kasi ako. Pero para sa akin ang comedy depende yan sa sitwasyon. Minsan yun pang hindi scripted yung ang mas nakakatawa. Halimbawa may ordinaryong taong nagagalit-galitan. Sasabihin niya ‘Ako nga wag mo bibiruin ng ganito! Wala akong tulog!” Galit na galit yun. Sisigaw ako, “Sige! Ano’ng gusto mo? Walang tulog! O walang gising?” Mapapabulong siya, “Walang tulog.” “O bakit ka nagagalit?” Matatawa na yun. Yun ang tinatawag na natural.

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comedy drama

LONG

Bobet Mejia won a Golden Dove Award for Best Actor in a Dramatic role. That person isn’t comedian Long Mejia’s father, brother or cousin. That was Long Mejia—a few years back, when he played out Rene Requiestas’ life story in Maalalala Mo Kaya, his full-set-of-teeth smile turned into awards worthy of uhog and luha—the kind of misery you wouldn’t expect him to do, but won’t doubt he could pull off either. Asked if this means comedians are better at drama than actual dramatic actors he answers, “Sa tingin ko, oo. Kasi si Tito Dolphy di ba ibang klase magpatawa—pero pag nagdrama, sobra ring bigat. Pero ako sa simula’t sapul talaga mas gusto ko na maging komedyante. Puhunan ko na yung comedy.” Why do you say puhunan mo na yung comedy ever since? Kasi hindi pa ako artista, nakilala na ako dahil sa pagpapatawa. Naipapasok ako sa inuman o kasal ng mga barkada ko kahit di ako imbitado dahil gusto raw ako magpatawa. Hanggang sa yung mga napapalapit sa akin, yung mga natatawa sa akin, naging close rin ako sa mga pulitiko, at sa mga artista noon. Maski ngayon, marami akong na mi-meet dahil sa pagpapatawa. Who came up with the name Long? Yung aking dating director na si

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Ipe Felino, director ng Kool ka lang nung araw. Kasi kasama ko si Dagul dun sa show, ang dapat talagang pangalan ni Dagul—Short. So ako Long. Pero yung tawag sa akin nung araw, Bobet Mejia, Bulacan boy kung tawagin. What makes comedy, good comedy? Sa akin yung bitaw. Sa timing. Kasi kahit gano kalakas yung comedy, pag hindi maganda yung bitaw, wala lang. Sabi nga nila—waley. Pero meron naman kasing joke na hindi nakakatawa pero pag binitawan mo nang maganda, yun ang tinatawag na—Pasok! Kasi

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marami akong nakakausap na hindi lang komedyante, matataas na tao, matalinong tao, minsan pag binitawan ko ng joke, kahit corny, kahit kwento pa nung araw yun, minsan sasabihin pa nila, “Long alam ko na yung joke na yan eh, pero nung binitawan mo natawa ako.” Kasi walang lumang joke. Nasa nagpapatawa yan palagi. But you were saying earlier that comedians made good dramatic actors. Does that mean you need a level of maturity, na marami ka nang dapat pinagdaanan for you to become an effective funnyman? Kailangan, oo. Kailangan yun para maging effective, kasi dun ka hinahamon ng sarili mo. Pag ako nakaharap sa camera, hinahamon ko yung sarili kong, “Oy, may problema tayong kailangan ayusin.” Karaniwang problema ng tao: Problema ng bahay, problemang may asawa. Pero yung komedyante sa akin, “Oy mamaya ka na, nagpapatawa pa ko rito eh.” Kasi pag harap mo ng camera ang buhay napakasimple. Walang problema, lahat nakakatawa. And to be completely funny, you should be… Para maging nakakatawa ka, kailangan nakakatawa ka. Wag ka magpapatawa ng pilit. Kasi naniniwala ako na ang comedy hindi pilit. Pag hindi bagay sa’yo i-share mo. Kasi hindi rin naman lahat ng comedy babagay sa’yo. How do you know which type of comedy isn’t for you? Pulsuhan. Minsan madaling malaman na may joke na alam mong hindi para sa’yo. May joke na pang beki na hindi ko pwede bitawan. Alangan naman sabihin

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ko, “Luis Manzano, I love you!” Pero kung yung kaibigan kong si Neggi ang nagsabi, nakakatawa. So is it harder to make people laugh as a straight male, than it is for gay comedians? Oo, mas mahirap magpatawa ang lalaki—kasi ang beki maluwag sila magpatawa. Kahit mapikon sa’yo yung audience hindi ka papatulan dahil beki ka nga. Hindi tulad kaming mga lalaki, pag nagpatawa ka tapos nasaktan yung lalaki baka magsuntukan kayo. Yung isang beki na nagso-show, na papansinin na may magsyota at yung lalaki hindi naman kagwapuhan tulad ko—nilalaglag nila yung lalaki. “Ang ganda mo iha, siguro ang daming pera ng lalaking yan, bakit mo nagustuhan?” Pag ako bumitaw nun, mapipikon sa akin yung lalaki, “Sira ulo itong si Long ah. Akala mo gwapo ka!” Malamang kung may bodyguard yun ipabugbog ka sa labas. Kaya ang ginagawa na lang namin, sasabihin ko “Idol ko yang kasama mo miss, sana maging ganiyan din ako. Katulad mo, boss. Ang swerte mo! Tuluyan mo na yan.” Tatawa siya. And what makes Long humor different from your male contemporaries? Ang Long na humor sa akin—sana nga mahilera ako sa mga tulad nila—mini-mix ko yung mga idol kong sina Dolphy, Chiquito, Apeng Daldal. Para akong nagtitimpla ng juice. Magmi-mix din ako ng konting Dennis Padilla, konting beki, lalagyan ko ng konting gandang lalaki ni Luis Manzano. Pag pinagsama-sama mo yun, patakan mo pa ng konting Eddie Garcia, patakan mo pa ng Joey Marquez, pagkatapos ng timplahan, ilagay mo sa baso ng Randy Santiago, samahan mo ng kaunting Tito, Vic, and Joey, yun na yun.

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being funny

dennis If Binoe was the “Bad boy of Philippine cinema,” Dennis Esteban Baldivia better known as Dennis Padilla (related to Robin only as film sidekick), tells us “I was called the Bad boy of Philippine comedy.” It is difficult to take this title literally when you come across a four-decadeold-in-the-business actor who smiles all the time and calls himself pilyo—you sometimes forget he’s one of those veterans. The kind who’s been dishing laughs since the ‘70s, working in over a hundred television shows and films, a pretty prolific feat. “Minsan nagjo-joke sina Luis sa Deal or No Deal na senior citizen na ako.” he tells us. And then there’s that little detail about having a late great veteran comedian for a father… Being Dencio’s kid, did comedy come naturally or did you initially thought of doing something else just to separate yourself from who he was then? No, I didn’t try to be different kasi yun talaga ako. Kinder pa lang nagpapatawa na ako. Sa classroom. I’m really very talkative, malikot, hirap ako mag-stay sa isang lugar. Palagi akong na-pe-face the wall. Uso yun nung araw pag maharot ka. “Face the wall!” But I always find fun kahit sa most difficult times. Everytime I enter the classroom, everybody’s smiling kasi maloko ako

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at mabiro. Eh during that time, my dad [Dencio Padilla], was popular because he was the sidekick of Fernando Poe, Jr.—and during that time, prime ni FPJ. So my teachers, and the security guards would say: “Alam mo, manang-mana ka talaga sa tatay mo.” I never thought of it as, kailangan kong labanan yun. Pero yung kaharutan ko, through experience and dahil sa pakikisalamuha ko sa iba pang beteranong artista, na po-polish siya. At which point were you sure you were starting to get recognized as Dennis Padilla

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and not Dencio’s son? Well, when I started with GMA7—kasi I started with Lunch Date, which was hosted by Randy Santiago, Tina Revilla…that was the time na nabigyan ako ng skit portion, dun ako nabigyan ng exposure. Dun ko nalaman. Kasi mararamdaman mo pag yung ka-eksena mo, and even Randy Santiago—siya yung nagbigay ng break sa akin sa noontime show na yun—natatawa siya. And then nagkataon na one of the main hosts, nawala. So from being a skit player, inakyat ako to replace one of the hosts. Dun ko napatunayan yung sarili ko. Lunch Date eventually became Salo-Salo Together. Tapos yun na, from hosting, I got one after another, yung pinakasikat was Kool Ka Lang. And you also did a lot of sidekick roles. Is there more freedom in doing comedy as a sidekick vs comedy as bida? Well, yes and no. Ang responsibility kasi ng sidekick kailangan maging comic relief ka talaga to begin with. Sometimes pag masyadong bloody yung action scene, kapag nilagyan mo ng comedy sa dulo na-didissolve yung morbidness. So sa mga action movies, andun talaga sa sidekick yung task na magpatawa para gumaan yung eksena. Pero at the same time, kung natural comedian ka naman, mapabida or sidekick, madali lang magpatawa. Do you think it’s easier to make people laugh back in the day than it is in this generation? Yes, actually. Kasi ang attention span ng tao ngayon, seconds na lang. Nung araw kasi minutes pa. But because of modern technology: laptop, cellphone, Internet, ang attention span ng tao umikli; kaya sila nagsasawa agad. Kaya kailangan ngayon pag bumato ka

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ng comedy mas maiikli. Hindi tulad dati yung establishing ng comedy: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Saka pa lang bibitaw ng punch. Ngayon 1, 2, 3. Bitaw! Ganun na comedy ngayon. Tak, tak, tak. Kaya nga nauso yung mga pickup lines, kasi within three or four seconds kailangan naibato mo na yung punchline. Kaya ako nagiisip din ako ng bagong ibabato ko. What’s the most bagets joke you’ve let slide? Pinakabagets? Minsan gumagamit ako ng mga terms na hindi ko naman usually ginagamit like “charuz.” Minsan napapaisip din ako kung bagay ba sa akin yun? Pero pag binibitawan ko naman, I can get away with it. Tapos yung mga pickup line na: “Sana axis ka na lang.” “Bakit?” “Para sa’yo na lang umiikot mundo ko.” So nag-a-adjust din ako. Besides timing and delivery, what makes an effective comedian? You have to respect yung kaeksena mo. That’s the biggest part of comedy. Especially if you’re working with a senior comedian, be sure na hindi siya ma-o-offend sa ibabato mo. Itanong mo muna sa kanya. “Sir, okay lang po ibato ko ito?” lalo na kung medyo personal. Hindi pwedeng funny ka at somebody else’s expense. But you tell us you’re the bad boy of comedy. That doesn’t translate to ruffling feathers? Hindi eh. Bad boy, oo. Pero hanggang pilyo lang ako—pagkaone point na lang bastos na, I stop. Kumbaga kung may axe, inaakma ko lang yung taga, pero di ko siya isusugat. Kasi yung ibang comedian nakakasugat na siya. Yung joke ko hanggang amba lang. Bago ka masugatan, I stop, I begin with another joke. FHM

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JANUARY 2016 FH M 71

FHM’S DEFINITIVE GROUND RULES FOR SEXUAL CONDUCT W O R D S JOHN PAULO AGUILERA I L L U S T RAT I O N S J U N O AB R E U

After we set these in stone, we expect to end all confusion regarding the mating game. Not that we think we’ll ever stop chasing after women, because that’s an obvious inevitability...

01

Pu t y o ur b e st underwear f o r wa r d . B a c o n b r ie f s is gr e a t a n y o t h e r t im e e x c e p t wh ile d oi n g t h e deed.

02 Comparing notes AKA “kiss and tell” between bros is weird. Imagine showing a picture of your girlfriend’s nudes to your barkada—hell, no. A little massage and rub go a long way (read: awesome foreplay).

04 Give and take is essential. Heed her requests in bed, if you want her to oblige yours. It’s no surprise that most people like being completely undressed while doing it. Less clothes, less hassle.

06

Kiss and spoon after. Sometimes, she appreciates these simple gestures more than sex itself.

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You don’t want your stomach to be stuffed when you’re about to do it. No matter how much at ease you are with each other. It’s polite courtesy that neither of you is gassy, or reeking of ulam . facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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She hates it when you point out her flaws and insecurities—or pinch her love handles, muffin top, arm flab. It actually kills the vibe even if it’s just meant for lambing.

If ever you’re the adventurous type and would like to do it in less discreet places (by the beach, evening Edsa traffic), just make sure to have an escape plan (palusot) or an emergency exit.

JANUARY 2016 FH M 73

Pubic protocol: If you want your partner shaved and clean down there, keep in mind that she expects the same from you. Though majority of men prefer a caveman approach when it comes to their bush.

Take the initiative. Be the first one to caress, to impress.

“Cleanliness is next to godliness” literally holds true. You’ll be in for some intense exploration of each other’s spiritual temple, so a quick shower before doing it wouldn’t hurt.

No need for pre-game chicken chokin’. Ayaw mo naman sigurong kapusin, ’di ba?

Checking the time is a no-no. Remember, you’re not in a marathon.

Pwedeng umihi (muna) rito. The less filled your bladder is, the lower the chances of an unwanted timeout during the main event.

No playing Hayden cam, unless both of you are okay with it. Your claim to shame is just one cellphone/ laptop repair away.

N o f o rc e d o r a l e nt ry. H a nds o f f he r he a d while she ’s giving yo u he a d.

B e a b o y s c o u t wi t h condoms. If you had the courage to ask her out, s u r e ly y o u c o u ld m u st er s o m e t o b u y a t a n earby c o n v e n ie n c e s t o r e . Please, don’t go Hulk Hogan on her lingerie. Hers actually cost as much as three of your favorite boxers combined.

20

Some actually like having something to chow on after (even though you just basically ate one another). Pizza or a bucket of chicken, maybe?

74 FH M JANUARY 2016

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R ULE S F O R S EXUA L C O N D U CT

30

Drunk sex is usually bad sex. Two bottles or shots to set it up is just enough.

Don’t put on clothes immediately after the deed. It will make her feel like a hit-and-run victim if you do. Relish being au naturel for the moment.

23 Women prefer coming first; most of the time it’s game over when it’s the other way around.

No room for long (and obviously, dirty) fingernails if flicking the bean is part of your plan.

25

A hickey is not territorial marking, so be mindful where you put it. Your excessive sucking might mean days of inconvenience for your partner if the love bite is not thoughtfully placed. Your bedroom is a reflection of your personality. Make sure the room is tidy, the sheets are clean, and overall, it smells bagong-laba, before inviting her over.

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Sw i t c h p h o n e s in t o si l e n t m o d e . Y o u d o n ’ t want a call from mom o r a n e x r u in i n g t h e mo me n t , d o y o u ? Doing it at her place, especially if she still lives with the folks, requires being superhero-esque: spider-senses (to know if someone is coming), The Flash-like speed (putting on your clothes), and Batman’s poker face (as if nothing happened).

Speaking of foreplay, there are women who don’t orgasm from sexual intercourse alone. There are times you need to step up your “extracurricular” activities.

29 For Chrissakes, no sharing of toothbrushes! Sure, you’ve essentially swapped spit the whole night, but it doesn’t mean you’d have to completely forgo your sense of hygiene.

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JANUARY 2016 FH M 75

The FHM man test This month’s challenger...

ALEX

M ED I NA

Badass acting chops is in his bloodline, alright, but could the youngest of the Medina brood prove as badass in our ultimate hombre test?

Not man

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4

Not man

4

Man

Man

Not man

Would you ever carry your girlfriend’s purse at the mall if she asked you to? Yes, but maybe I’ll give it a maximum of five times. Man

Not man

Not man

Not man

If the world were to end tomorrow, what would your last meal be? Potato au Gratin, roast beef with caramelized onions, strawberry milkshake, Chicken Kiev, gelato. Not man

4

4

Not man

If you could blow up one thing, what would it be? All the firearms in the world. Man

4

Not man

12/15 Sure, the guy can’t imagine life without powdered armpits—but LOLing over spilled blood? Tibay , ser . THE MAN TEST LEADERBOARD

Have you ever worn your briefs on top of your pants and pretended to be a superhero? Yes. Spider-man, FTW! Man

4

Not man

Have you ever sniffed used underwear? Ah, the pleasure it gives! I smell my own, mind you. Man

4

Not man

4

What fictional villain scares you the most? I’d hate to meet a vampire on a dark street. Have you ever seen 20 Days of Night? That shit is scary! Man

Man

4

4

Not man

What’s the title of the weirdest porno you’ve watched? Type Ko Girlfriend Mo. Man

Not man

Can you name one highranking FHM woman you’ve had an unforgettable experience with? I was hoping you guys would help me out on that department…

What’s the worst thing you were teased about as a kid? I looked wimpy that’s why kids pick on me. I mean, I looked wimpier before. But they’re all good friends now. Man

4

4

Have you ever taken secret selfies? Hindi eh. It’s on Instagram. Man

Man

What’s the name of the coolest pet you’ve ever had? Best ever—Prozac. I miss him. See you soon, bud.

Have you ever farted openly in public? Not exactly “openly”— it’s always the ninja farts that deal the worst damage. Man

4

Not man

Which romantic comedy makes you feel giddy inside? More than giddy, it makes me hopeful for love—50 First Dates. Man

4

Not man

Se f Ca d a y o n a Tirso Ripoll Wally Bayola Dan Villegas J a y Co n t r e r a s Boy2 Quizon Jose Manalo Ranidel de Ocampo Ch i t o M i r a n d a Alex Medina A l d e n R i c h a r ds RA Rivera Gloc-9 Loonie M e d w i n M a r f il Brandon Vera

1 5 /1 5 1 4 /1 5 1 4 /1 5 1 4 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 1 /1 5

INTeRVIeW: PONg CASTILLO

Man

Have you ever had blood in your hands that was not yours? LOL! Many times.

ILLUSTRATION: LOUIS AReNAS

What’s the longest you’ve gone without wearing deodorant? Three days. I use a powder deodorant—it’s a necessity. I don’t know how I’d live without such.

Fil-Jap model Mayumi Yokoyama makes a stronger case for obsessing

WNic in all things Japanese

thE here

Things

e A e R

Photography: E JAY LE U N G OF M I D N I G HT B ON K E R S Interview: P ON G CA ST I L LO Styling: D E B R A B E R NA LE S Makeup: J A N I NA D I Z O N Hair: M J R ON E F OR CY N OS I N S I D E H A I R CA R E

Mayum i

Here at FHM HQ , we try our best to be congenial internationalists. That is, we work to be good friends with women of all nations, and you know we’ve had more than our fair share of them. But if you’ve been paying attention, it’s our fellow Asians that are winning us over lately. “Eyes are really expressive, they show personality and emotions,” says carshow model Mayumi 80 FH M JANUARY 2016

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in between takes, breaking the silence as the team admires her from behind the camera. “Siguro it’s the innocence and mystery in our eyes that draw people in. Our expressions make you want to know more about us,” she adds. It’s obvious what we are all crazy for. It’s the look in those eyes…

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Mayum i

We always see you in car shows. Are you a car enthusiast? I drive a Honda Civic, but I only know basic car maintenance. Car shows are just fun. Iba yung vibe to have all these car geeks around you. They are very passionate and intense. Do you agree when they say, “Ah, babae kasi...” when it comes to women driving and maintaining a car? I don’t think girls are any less careful or skilled when it comes to driving. We’re actually very observant, so pag may narinig or naramdaman kaming parang mali sa kotse, pinapa-check namin agad yan! Siguro more girls are just less technical when it comes to cars. But ironically, more girls are impressed by nice cars—agree? Well, that could be true for most of us. I’m a fan of sports cars, but if I have the money for it, I won’t drive a Maserati or a Ferrari. I’d rather get to have a Nissan 370Z or a Toyota 86! Let’s talk about how the shoot went. You remarked how gravure-like the photos turned out… Everything just feels comfortable. The styling and the whole concept are laidback yet sexy. I love it! I hope you bring back your gravure specials, though. I’d like to be in it with my best friend Marilena [Shirakawa, also a carshow model]! If we do, we promise to let you know. Just last year we had Japanese AV idol Maria Ozawa on the cover. How in touch are you with your Japanese roots? I was born in Yokohama, Japan. Of course, Japanese household manners are still practiced in our family. We say “itadakimasu” before meals. It means, “Let’s eat,” and is a polite term of, “to receive.” It is meant to show appreciation for having food on the table. You sure know how to show your nice side, but we hear Japanese girls have a naughty alter ego in the bedroom. Is it true? Ha ha! That’s true! We look innocent and young, so it’s extra surprising when we show aggression. When my naughty side kicks in, oh boy, you must behave and obey my rules, ha ha! How naughty or nice can you get? Let’s just say that if you’re lucky enough to be with me in the bedroom then you can see me lounge in my white nighties or walk around the room naked, ha ha! Being comfortable is the sexiest and naughtiest you can be with you partner.

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Tell us, how do we get chummy with a girl? Spoil her. Mabilis kaming kiligin. Also, always surprise her. If you mean to get chummy with me, here’s a hint: I have a thing for being mabango and hairless, ha ha! (winks) How do you spend quality time with your man? I like eating out. I’d take my guy to a nice ramen place or go on movie dates with him. I also love road trips. FH M

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We look innocent and young, so it’s extra surprising when we show aggression. When my naughty side kicks in, oh boy, you must behave and obey my rules, ha ha! www.fhm.com.ph

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JANUARY 2016 FH M 83

S h an e R a m o s has got our h e ad i n t h e clouds

TIME to

FL Y Photography: E JAY LE U N G OF M I D N I G HT B ON K E R S Interview: A S H MA H I NAY Styling: BADJ G E N ATO Makeup: R IA AQU I N O Hair: R H OY CE R VA NT E S

S H A N E

R A M O S

Ever hear of the term “one and done?” This is where someone does anything once and never again. Sometimes the single take is due to massive failure, it could also be too frightening to do again; sometimes it’s situational–like you can’t afford to throw that Project X-level party one more time because you’re on the barangay watchlist. But in Shane Ramos’ case, it’s because she’s achieved her dream to shoot like this and tells us she’s ready to move on to the next thing right away. That’s right, this is the first and last time we’ll see her–but it’s one hell of a memento. I remember you told me this is your first shoot that you deemed “sexy”, why did you wait so long? I found that entering this kind of industry is not easy, so it took me a lot of courage to finally decide to do this shoot and “upgrade” my modeling career even further. And what convinced you to do it? What I did was ask my mentors for advice. I researched and asked around

to make sure of what to expect with a shoot like this– and learned that entering this comes with a lot of responsibilities to carry. Maintaining a sexy body and healthy lifestyle must come first now, ha ha! It also took me a lot of time to boost my confidence and self esteem. You said you thought you had nothing to show but we really disagree with that. Two obvious reasons are in front of us right now… Ha ha! Minsan kasi dinadaga yung dibdib ko– malaki lang talaga siya pero duwag. But it just came to a point that where I asked myself: Why not take the break? I’m very grateful for this opportunity given to me. Especially since you believe that modeling is not forever... Yes, we all know modeling is not a lifetime career for

We all know modeling is not a lifetime career for most–we all need a backup! I started as a dancer on Wowowillie, but, ever since college, my dream was really to travel the world.

most–we all need a backup! I started as a dancer on Wowowillie, but. ever since college, my dream was really to travel the world. And that’s your next goal right? Yes, because I put it on my real life bucket list too. I just love to travel and another one of my goals is to bring my family too. That’s the main reason why I want to become a flight attendant. If there’s one thing I plan for my future, it is to fly soon, ha ha! FH M

NEWS

W H AT TO BU Y AND HOW TO WEAR IT

WORDS AS H MAH I NAY P H OTO G R A P HY MAR K J E SALVA

JOGGER PANT S P8 9 9 .75

run every day! G i v e y o ur p a n t s a b r e a k w i t h R RJ ’s ne w l i n e

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If you’re looking to make a change in your style this year, we recommend pulling the trigger on a pair of joggers– or like, five, one for every day of the week. Repeat the life out of them, because no one can really say that daily joggers are sloppier than wearing the same beater pair of denims. In fact, a cozy

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heather gray pair of these RRJ Strike Series joints may even be slightly dressier than your jeans because your comfiest jeans usually aren’t likely to be your most presentable pair. These joggers are way more susceptible to grime and filth because of the light shade, but then that’s why you should walk home with a full stack of them.

JANUARY 2016 FH M 89

F HYMlE ST

H unter in the N i ght Exploring st reet st yle PHOTOGRAPHY: ARTU NEPUMUCENO

WORDS: ASH MAHINAY

MAkEUP: IYA YUjUICO STYlING: GElA MUñOz MODElS: VINCE VANDORPE Of MERCATOR AND jENNICA SANCHEz

F HYMlE ST

Wh e n was the last tim e you ditched a ride and just walked around a neighborhood at night? Take advantage of New Year’s good vibes and roam under the lights of fireworks; here’s the gameplan: Uber your way to a hotspot to free yourself from the tyranny of parking. Pick a random place, preferably with an outdoor seat to keep your sense of adventure from being dulled by the cold embrace of the A/C. Bounce over to a different spot on foot and repeat. Most importantly, be well dressed so people won’t mistake you and your pals for a bunch of vagrants.

OPENING SPREAD:

THIS PAGE

On Jennica: Stussy Shirt, P1,950, Trilogy; Boyfriend Jeans, P795, COPPER; Reflective Sunnies, Wholesalebuying. com, P350

On Vince: Premium Baseball Jersey, P1,200, QTR Clothing

On Vince: Crooks & Castles Pullover, P1,998, The Rail; Illest Cargo Joggers, P1,998, The Rail, Diamond Leather Sneakers, P3,698, The Rail; Reflective Sunglasses, Ray-Ban

On Jennica: Knit Crop Top, P300, EFFY; Leather Skirt, P620, COPPER; Baseball Cap, P250, CAIA The Label; Bomber Jacket, Topman

F HYMlE ST

 On Vince: S/S Hoodie, P1,300,QTR Clothing; Vans Army Green Shorts, P2,298, The Rail; Lunar Force One, Nike On Jennica: Blue Co-Ords, P495, COPPER; Grey Cardigan, P350, Mental Clutter; Superstars, adidas  On Vince: Diamond Mint Coach Jacket, P3,598, The Rail; Stussy Tee, P1,950, The Rail

FHM

A JANU

RY

Michiko Magno

She let’s you know what you’re missing out on

B

eing a mix of several Asian bloodlines, most predominantly Korean, Japanese, and Filipino, you would never expect that this Oriental beauty would have a feisty side to her, that is, once we got her a bit more comfortable. Because Michiko Magno has an aura of innocence surrounding her petite frame, which made it so fun getting to know her and getting a glimpse of her naughtier and sexier side that she only shows to a few lucky gentlemen. Without further adieu, let’s get to know this happy little surprise a bit more shall we? Have you ever been to Japan or Korea? I’ve been to Korea but only to the tourist sites. I’ve never been to Japan where my father is. So you’ve lived here in the Philippines all your life? Yes, with my family. I’m a city girl through and through. Laking Marikina po ako.

You look really young. Are you still in school? I’m 22 years old but I stopped 2 years ago since I wanted to be a model. What do you like about modeling? I want to be famous, especially in the magazine industry, ha ha! Right now, I think I’m doing okay for myself since the job can support my lifestyle. Well, that’s great then. So how did it feel to finally get to pose for us? S’yempre masarap sa pakiramdam, ha ha! A lot of people will get to see the feature, including my ex, ha ha! Oh, do we sense a bit of bitterness? Not really. I just want him to see kung ano na ako ngayon—what he’s missing out on. Oh, that’s pretty cold. Have you changed a lot from the way you before? I used to wear simpler clothes and I didn’t really like exposing skin. But now, I think yung pagpapaganda at pagpapa-sexy na ang nasa isip ko. Sometimes, I’ll go to gym and other times I would go play badminton to keep my figure. We bet you have a pretty big

Quickfire Round Sashimi or Galunggong? Galunggong Dirty or Clean? Clean Lights on or Lights off? Lights off Brain or Heart? Even though being practical is good, the heart is what reminds us that we’re alive.

A A R ON E B I O CH I S E A LCA NTA R A ST Y LI N G : PATR I C K E B I O MAK E U P AN D H AI R : J U LI E E B IO

FHM

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audience watching you when you smack the shuttlecock around. Are guy friends making their move now that they know you’re single? There are some but as of now, hindi pa ako interesado. Kumbaga, I enjoy being single for now. Dati kasi sobrang nakatali ako. So how are you enjoying being single? Simple lang, kasama ko lang yung mga friends ko araw-araw. Gala rito, gala roon, pa-food trip-food trip, tamang enjoy lang, ha ha. That seems to be the thread with girls after breakups, nowadays. Yeah, it’s usually the time to improve on yourself and focus on your career. Minsan dun mo lang mapapansin yung mga kailangan mong baguhin sa sarili mo, so take your time. Do you have any New Year’s

resolutions for 2016? I’m planning to fly to Japan so I can visit my father. What do you like best about the Japanese culture? I really like their food. I love sushi and noodles, and also they have very different tastes in fashion–maybe because they can layer because it’s so cold there, ha ha! Yeah, the weather there would be great for cuddling. Do you think that makes Japanese women are more malambing? Yeah, the way Japanese talk is very malambing and sweet; nakatutuwa silang pakinggan! Yeah, we’ve seen a lot of women be malambing to men all the time on some videos on the Internet we’ve watched. Oh, like porn? Ha ha!

Well now that you’ve mentioned it… have you watched any? Yeah, ha ha! I think I saw some a while back, when I was 18 or so with some friends, ha ha! I think they’re pretty sexy. Especially the way they emote, yung umiiyak-iyak pa, nakaka-horny! Oh well, by any chance are you the same in bed? Ha ha! Actually yes, especially when I get a bit drunk! And how do men react when you get, um, emotional? Well, siyempre todo bigay at nakikisabay rin sila sa akin, ha ha! Do you like it rough? Oo, sobra! I really like to lick his ears and pinch his body all over. And I want my guy to pull my hair and tell me masarap ako, ha ha! FH M

Michiko’s life this month Come to bed na... 98 FH M JANUARY 2016

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You can call me bi(pole)ar www.fhm.com.ph

Breakfast

Egg burrito in wholewheat tortilla with salsa

Morning snack

Cinnamon choco oat square; peppermint BROkie (brownie cookie)

Eggs for complete protein gain, and whole-wheat tortilla for good complex carbs. The cilantro salsa will add flavor sans excess calories.

Fiber-rich and baked, these are perfect for energy-boosters. Plus it’s vegan!

WIN AT LIFE

THE

LAZY MAN’S FOOD RESOLUTION

Lunch

Salisbury steak with beans and corn on a cob

Homemade patties from lean portions of beef grilled to perfection, partnered with nutrient-filled carbs and/or vegetable side dish.

Move over fast food, we’ve listed down diet delivery services that will help you start the year right—and with the least amount of effort

Afternoon snack

Grilled chicken sandwich with sweet potato fries This mini sandwich will fill you up with enough protein and carbohydrates during quick breaks.

PHOTOGRAPHY: HEIDI AQUENDE WORDS: CAM ARCILLA

Dinner

DIET DIVA

Grilled steak with mashed potatoes and side salad

These high-protein dinners are best consumed after a workout as the body can digest better and absorb more protein for muscle recovery.

It may sound a bit girly but Diet Diva just launched their Lean Machine program—a protein-rich diet meal plan prepared for men who work out. “The plan was to keep it simple, affordable, and convenient, but no ready-made food. It tastes so good, it's like you're not even dieting," Diet Diva founder, Kakki Teodoro says. Price: P500-700/day

Calorie count: 2000 kcal

Delivery locations: Metro Manila, with additional charge in nearby areas

Dessert

Kiwi raspberry yogurt with dark chocolate maple granola

Fresh fruit, high-protein yogurt with added fiber, and a punch of maple granola sweetener, this snack will help repair muscle tissues and restore blood sugar levels after a workout.

BREAKFAST

Breakfast

Oatscaldo (Arroz caldo that’s made out of oatmeal!) A breakfast dish that’s made of raw oats, garlic, ginger, spring onions, and egg for protein, to jumpstart your day.

Morning snack

Squash pancakes

Made from only two ingredients: squash and eggs.

Lunch

Lean beef karekare

LUNCH

The beef serves as the main component, which is a high source of protein, cooked with ground peanuts, yogurt, and vegetables such as pechay, sitaw, and okra. This is often matched with brown or corn rice. Afternoon snack

Malunggay biscuits

Malunggay is known as a “superfood” because it’s rich in antioxidants.

Dinner

Chicken sisig

DINNER

Diced chicken breast mixed in yogurt, vinegar, egg white, carrots, beans, and chili. Served with brown or corn rice.

HAPPY DIET DELIVERY Their aim is for everyone to join the “healthy revolution.” Happy Diet Delivery boasts of their meals that mainly consist of Filipino cuisines. Marketing head Patricia Kalingking says they were “surprised that most of our clients range from ages 40 to 60. Everyone is becoming health conscious.” Price: P500 / day

Calorie count: 1200, 1500, and 1800 kcal

Delivery locations: Metro Manila

UPGRADE

Breakfast

Paleo Manila® Fresh Catch Pesto Tuna Cakes with Chopped Salad

Local tuna is molded into patties, minus the additives, fillers or extenders, then herbs and spices are added for flavoring. It is paired with their all-natural, dairy-free, vitamin-filled pesto and salad.

Morning snack

Paleo Manila® Lemon Bliss Balls

Paleo Manila's lemony bliss balls is a good source of energy being that it only consists of nuts, dates, and lemon—all natural and dairy-free ingredients.

Lunch

Paleo Manila® Korean Bibimbap with Special Gojuchang Sauce A diabetic-safe version of the Korean traditional dish. Lean beef, spinach, carrots, shiitake mushrooms, on a bed of Paleo “caulirice”—made of 100 percent cauliflower florets.

Afternoon snack

Paleo Manila® “FitFlexFlax” Honey Craisin Bars

It provides fat-burning properties from alpha linolenic acids (ALA) and dietary fiber, making it a go-to supplementary snack post-workout.

Dinner

Paleo Manila® Jerk Chicken with PaprikaSpiced Yucca, Caramelized Onions and Grilled Pineapple Rings The chicken is sweet yet spicy. The dish is served with grilled pineapple—high in antioxidants—and paprika-spiced yucca—a starchy tuber that is rich in vitamin C, dietary fiber, folate, and potassium.

PALEO MANILA

Paleo Manila (pronounced “pel-yow”) promotes the paleolithic lifestyle (the “caveman diet”), bringing in all-natural food that can be customized according to the health conditions of their clients. And did we mention that Paleo doesn't count calories? Yup, they just limit the serving sizes of the food, which is awesome for us heavy eaters. Maden Krista Velando, Paleo Manila’s research and development supervisor, guarantees "that clients will feel satisfied with our food.” Price: P3,750/ week for regular portions; additional payment for customized meal plans

Serving portions of protein per meal: 100-250 grams; 1.5 x regular portion for athletes and those working out

Delivery locations: Metro Manila, Rizal, until Laguna

BREAKFAST

Breakfast

Grilled chicken with cranberry cream sauce sandwich

The chicken breast compliments the sweet and tangy flavor of the sauce and the fresh vegetables add the crunch and texture needed to complete this hearty, healthy sandwich.

Morning snack

brownies

These baked brownies in semisweet chocolates will give you a kick of energy in the morning

Lunch

Lemon rosemary fish fillet with red rice

LUNCH

The fish is baked then smothered in a zesty lemon rosemary sauce, matched with red rice to fill enough carbs needed for the day.

Dinner

Afternoon snack

Pork sinigang, a popular Filipino dish, often comes in soup form. But Lunchbox Diet’s version of sinigang incorporated the soup with red rice, while the seasoned pork and blanched vegetables are separated.

A popular snack for health buffs, yogurt is a good source of bone-building calcium and powerboosting protein.

Dried pork sinigang

DINNER

Creamy Delight® yogurt

CONTACT Diet Diva 09177033482/ 09178073817 [email protected] Happy Diet Delivery 09279184787 happydietdelivery@ gmail.com Paleo Manila 09256987624 [email protected] Lunchbox Diet 09177731190 [email protected]

LUNCH BOX DIET Lunchbox Diet believes that dieting requires proper training for your mind, your eyes, and your belly. General manager Benj Sanvictores says that by enrolling in their meal program, “we will help you control what you eat for the day. When you get used to the meals—especially when you’re already visually trained—you’d be able to improve your digestion.” Price: P1,700 /week

Calorie count: 1,200, 1,500, 1,800, and 2,000 kcal

Delivery locations: Metro Manila; additional fee of P50 for nearby areas

UPGRADE

HOW I DID IT This software engineer is bringing Pinoy rock ‘n’ roll to the digital age I started out as a fan. When I was in college, I was a fan of local bands like Wolfgang and Slapshock, among others, and I used to go to all of their gigs—now, I'm the one organizing and promoting these events. When I graduated, I became a software engineer, and that’s when I decided to create a website that can be a forum for rockers like myself online.

By word-of-mouth, Rakista. com gained followers. Eventually, there came the demand for gigs, so I invited some local bands to play, and I guess that’s how the Rakrakan Festival got started. Rakista Radio was just a feature we added to the forum in 2012. But then I saw that there was a demand for online radio, especially among overseas Filipino workers who miss Original Pinoy Music. It’s 100 percent Pinoy rock ’n’ roll, dedicated to Pinoy bands, because we also saw the need for local bands to have a platform to spread their music—they still had a hard time getting their stuff out there. When I started, I only really knew about web and software development. I didn't really know anything about handling bands and organizing events, but these are things I learned from the bands I've worked with over the years. Our main product is actually the technology, so we have the website, and then the online radio and the 104 FH M JANUARY 2016

mobile app. With Rakista Radio, it's not like you'd just listen to music, it's interactive—you can make song requests, dedications, and even chat with people through the app. Organizing gigs can be risky since there's a lot of expenses, but we still earn a lot from ticket sales since there's already thousands of attendees, especially for the Rakrakan Festival. I can say that ads are still our lifeblood—we have partners who advertise in the website and in Rakista Radio. But we also earn by doing other services like web development and social media management for bands and other clients. Social media helps, as long as you post informative and engaging content, as opposed to just promoting your product. Rakista has more than 800,000 followers on Facebook, facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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CV Harold “ridz” Solomon, 36 Currently: • Founder and CEO, Rakista.ph • Founder and developer, Rakista Radio • Founder and lead organizer, Rakrakan Festival Formerly: • Software engineer

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while Rakista Radio has around 230,000. We take care of both the bands and our listeners. We might promote local indie bands, but we also make sure that their stuff is of good quality for our listeners—even if it's just a home recording, as long as it's of good quality, we'll play it. It's far from the sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll lifestyle people imagine. If I were a famous musician, maybe I can get away with it, but I'm actually running a business here. If you're passionate with rock, then you'll continue to rock. I've met a lot of great bands over the years which didn't really make it, or didn't have any money, but they still kept on rocking because of their passion for the music. www.fhm.com.ph

P H OTO G R AP H Y: H E I D I PAS C UAL-AQ U E N D E ; I N TE R V I E W: TO N I ANTI PO R DA

I was amazed that nobody owned the domain name “Rakista” yet. Well, this was back in 2007. So I took that opportunity, developed the website, and that's how our online music community Rakista.com started.

UPGRADE D E-G R I M E E ASY

Dyson Fluffy DC47 If it’s a vacuum upgrade you’re looking for, then a cordless make like this one from Dyson, which boasts of a digital motor that spins at 120,000 rpm (five times faster than a formula 1 car engine) shouldn’t be too shabby. The fluffy’s changeable vacuum heads suck up dirt, soft-dusts blinds, and dirt brushes indoor grime. No longer will you have any need for walis. Score for: P3 8,5 00, Dyson Concept Store, Rust an’s, True Value

Year of better gear Start the year fresh with the latest consumer electronics to fulfill resolutions with WORDS: KHYNE PALUMAR • ASH MAHINAY

G ET N I C KE D I N T H E FAC E L E SS

WO R K M O R E E F F I C I E N T LY

Western Digital MyBook Pro A thunderbolt drive that fixes your storage solution, which means no more puny USB sticks. With 6 to 10TB of storage working at 7,200 RPM that cuts out the time it takes to transfer large videos, photos, and audio files. Are you a content professional/ media junkie or aren’t you? Score for: P3 1,4 9 0 (6TB), P4 0,4 9 0 (8TB), P47,9 9 0 (10 TB)

Philips series 7000 SensoTouch wet & dry electric shaver Precision-cuts uneven facial hair at a swipe of its triple rotary blades, so you won’t have to manually mow down fuzz. The GyroFlex 2D contour tech adjusts to slide on the surface of your face. Tap washable and charges an hour for every 50-minute of cordless use. Score for: P6,8 9 9, True Value, Philips distributors

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E D I T YO U R APPLIAN C ES

Dyson bladeless fan Fans without blades look disappointingly “lesser” than their conventional counterparts, and we’re sorry to say this bladeless release from Dyson is a perfect example of that: It’s lighter, eats up less energy, and you barely know it’s working because it produces 75 percent less noise. But you get to pick from 10 airflow settings. Score for: P19,9 00 (A M6), P2 9,5 00 (A M7), Dyson Concept Store, Rust an’s, True Value

L E AV E T H E WI R E S AT HOM E

Lenovo VIBE P1 The folks over at Lenovo think one of your resolutions this year should be freeing yourself from power banks and charger wires for the whole day—that’s why the standout feature of their new VIBE P1 is a chunky 5,000mAh battery. The P1 can even charge up other phones from its bountiful energy reserves and get it all back quickly with a 24W quick-charge function. Aside from ditching your old phone’s battered battery life, you’d also be swapping its scuffed plastic for a fresh start with the P1’s sexy metaland-glass construction. Try not to drop it during the festivities! Score for: P14,9 9 9, Lenovo distributors

HOOK UP YO U R W O R K DESK

JBL Pebbles White Give your inner ears a break from buds and listen to music from a pair of Harmanengineered speakers set in your slave pit. These 6 x 9 inch ‘pebbles’ are easy plug-and-plays that sound off crisp sounds and deep bass. And while it isn’t cordless, the smart cable management design should leave your desk with one less clutter. Time to work. Score for: P2,5 9 9, J B L

I M P R OV E YO U R BA L A N C E

BONUS N O NT E C H!

Hovertrax 2 wheel self balance electric scooter Essentially a more affordable Segway without the balancing handles, but officially, a self-balancing scooter. Letting you roll on

FI N ISH W HAT’S O N YO U R P L AT E

Fat Out Because your insides can now accommodate them thanks to a synthesis of psyllium husk, oat fiber, green tea extract, etc— that gives your digestive system a hand, edging out toxins and bad cholesterol. A capsule every meal controls appetite and speeds up metabolism. www.fhm.com.ph

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LED-headlight blinged, scratch-resistant shell that sits on top of two heavy alloy wheels for two hours every charge. Comes with built-in Bluetooth speakers so you can draw attention to yourself while rolling obnoxiously by. Best ridden with a helmet. Score for: P10,9 9 9, Lazada

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UPGRADE

We have boost! The new Ford Focus welcomes you to life with forced induction WORDS: ASH MAHINAY

For 2016, the new Ford Focus has gotten an update to one of the nicer exteriors in the compact category, and more importantly, they’ve ripped its previous powerplant out and plopped an eager 1.5 liter EcoBoost in. The average Pinoy driver has probably never driven a sedan (or in this case, hatch) with a turbo heart before, so here’s our guide to living with forced induction. We aren’t going to explain how it actually works, but rather how you’ll feel it with your butt in the driver’s seat.

HOW THIS AFFECTS YOU Say you need to overtake a slow Sunday driver: you pull out, accelerate, and…wait a bit for the car to catch up to your intentions. With a turbo car, you get more power sooner, and the passing move becomes less sketchy. In general, it’s faster and that’s always good, duh.

THE TURBO CHARGER EFFECT HORSEPOWER

TURBOS AND THE POWER CURVE Engines don’t make power in a totally linear fashion. Mash the gas—especially for smaller matipid engines with 1.5 liter displacements—and the car will only really start to move when it hits max torque and horsepower; that’s at around 3000 RPM or more. A turbo’s effect is flattening out the power curve with its boost–thus giving you more power whenever you need it.

W/ TURBO CHARGER

MAX TORQUE W/0 TURBO CHARGER

RPM GAS

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WAIT, SO HOW IS IT ECONOMICAL? Big honking engines, like the 5.0 in a Mustang for example, have flatter power curves because of sheer displacement, but they also carry a gas mileage penalty. Whenever a turbo kicks in, it does use more fuel than a non-blown engine—but since it’s not “on” all the time either, you can still enjoy the frugality of that small displacement motor when not getting on the gas. In this case, the 180 PS and 240 Nm of torque from its 1.5 liter EcoBoost engine make it more powerful than an equivalent naturally-aspirated 2.0. DID WE MENTION IT CAN PARK ITSELF? A self-driving car probably couldn’t survive Manila traffic, so Ford’s geeks have given the Focus self-parking capabilities instead. The Enhanced Active Park Assist let’s you not just experience hands-off perpendicular and parallel parking, but also Park-Out Assist–because if its robot brain can get you into a slot, then it sure as hell can get you out of there. “Come with me if you want to live.”

Build it and they will come Nissan Philippines does a little CSR to drive some dreams to reality

P RI CE :

1.5L Focus GTDI EcoBoosvt Sport+ AT – P1,278,000

The boys from Nissan have got a formula that, though it might not directly translate to vehicle sales outright, will fuel a future that will: help build houses for the poor and boost their hopes that they can work to make their lives better. They’re doing this in partnership with Habitat for Humanity, and so far four houses have been built in barangay Payatas in Quezon city. “We believe in improving the lives of our fellow Filipinos, more so for those coming from the lowincome sector, and we do this by helping them build their dream—owning a home they can call their very own,” says NPI President and Managing Director, Antonio Zara. “This is our way of giving back to the community, by upholding our brand promise of turning what if into what is for those in need.” And if the new owners of the homes do succeed in making their lives better, they will become the new middle class, with education and money to spend. Then they will buy a car. Brilliant.

TURBO CHARGER MAN

ILLUSTRATION: MICHAEL EDWARD ATIENZA

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UPGRADE

Your 2016 tech forecast Fortunes change quickly in today’s cutthroat world of tech. One day you’re cool like Vanilla Ice, the next day you’re an Internet meme, or um, Nokia. Will you get your money’s worth in that next shiny purchase? Here’s the

E V E RYD AY G E A R IN Virtual Reality We’ve been promised a future where we put on a clunky headset to transport ourselves to another world. In 1992, Lawnmower Man speak, we called it “virtual reality.” Today, that promise just might come true, thanks to a Facebook company called Oculus and their VR headset, the Rift. All that’s left is for Oculus to sell the thing to consumers, which we’ll see sometime in “early 2016.” Sony, Valve and Microsoft are also

in the virtual/augmented reality game with their own headsets, so get ready to rumble! OUT The Kitchen Sink More and more tech is on its way out. You’ve got wireless charging all set to kill your bothersome phone charger. You’ve got mobile payment services like Google Wallet and Apple Pay poised to kill plastic credit cards. And Blackberry? They released a new Android phone. Still out, sorry.

411 on what will soon be uso and laos in tech so far…

HANDHELDS IN Mobile Thought the iPhone wasn’t a thing anymore? Think again: Apple sold 13 million units of the iPhone 6S in its first three days of sale, breaking all kinds of records. Everything is about mobile phones nowadays, and the entire tech world is moving in that direction. Cloud services are becoming more popular. Apps are multiplying like rabbits. Websites are becoming mobile-friendly. OUT Tablets Sure, Apple made an iPad Pro this year, and good old Microsoft has our attention with its upcoming Surface Pro 4, but make no mistake about it, tablets are on the way out. With smart phones getting bigger and bigger, consumers see little sense in buying a phone and a tablet when they basically do the same thing.

WORDS: VINCE SALES ILLUSTRATIONS: CARLO MAALA

W O R K A N D G A M I N G H A R D WA R E IN Laptops with oomph You’d think laptops would be next on the chopping block, but people still turn to them to get some real work done. Laptops will be interesting in 2016 for one reason: nerds have finally figured out how to get a decent video card to fit inside. Gaming company Razer did it first with their Blade laptop. Then Microsoft showed everyone how to do it with the Surface Book.

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OUT Gaming consoles Soon your laptop could have as much video processing power as your PS4 and Xbox One. Gaming consoles still have some life in them, but experts say this could be the last generation of boxes known as gaming consoles. In the future, you’ll be buying a service. Or playing on your phone. The Wii U? Sorry, that’s been out since day one.

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C O M M O D ITI E S IN The Sharing Economy Uber, the ride-sharing app, has been so successful it’s poised to change chunks of the worldwide economy. Now everyone is looking for what else they can give the Uber treatment. Would it work for yaya services (Yuber)? How about for plumbers (tUber-o)? And there’s already an Uber for house rental/hotel rooms— it’s called Airbnb. Geeks call it 'The Sharing Economy,' and it’s set to disrupt and change everything.

OUT Owning Stuff Oh, the kids of today. They have zero interest in owning a Laser Disc copy of The Karate Kid, or the BluRay Coppola remaster of The Godfather. But it goes further than that. Millennials have been reported to often forego buying a house or a car. Why buy a car when you can Uber? Why buy a house when you can rent and travel the world? Why buy a vacation home when you can Airbnb?

V I S U A L E NTE RTA I N M E NT IN Streaming It seems only yesterday when CDs and DVDs were on the way out, and music download services like iTunes were hot property. Now downloads are on the way out and streaming services are in. Spotify rules the roost, but you’ve got plenty of alternatives, like Apple Music and Amazon. Even YouTube is beefing up its streaming with an adfree service called YouTube Red. And the streaming doesn’t stop with music. You can stream movies, TV shows, pornography, and even video games. Did we mention pornography?

of how to get computers into your watch, shoes, glasses and underwear. Hey, at least someone is trying to get into your underwear.

OUT Cable TV With everyone streaming music and TV on their phones, who has the patience to wait for a show on cable? With Netflix, and local alternative iFlix, cutting your expensive cable connection looks pretty darn attractive. And it’s not just the distribution of shows via streaming that's changing. Netflix has begun to produce its own content (Daredevil is one of the more successful shows) and there are no signs they're stopping. That could make Netflix the next HBO (maker of medieval violence porn show, Game of Thrones). Plus, cable TV never really caught on in the Philippines, so wawa naman them.

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WEAR AB LE TE C H IN Wearable Tech Wearable tech promises a gleaming future where you can waltz into a store, grab something, and buy it with a wave of your wrist. Aside from being a marketer’s dream, wearable tech lets your gizmos know what you’re doing, zero in on where you are, as well as figure out wacky things like how healthy you are, or if you need a hug. Tech companies everywhere are trying to crack the problem

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OUT Wearable Tech How can wearable tech both be in and out at the same time? Simple: Everyone wants to make it, but no one is buying it. Sure, there’s your buddy who swears by his Fitbit. And Apple Watch sales have been successful enough to warrant an update to the device, but right now wearable tech looks very much like an expensive experiment. Apple has been uncharacteristically secretive about actual Apple Watch sales numbers. And everyone knows what happened to Google Glass —it went the way of the Segway. We’re making a prediction: despite everyone jumping on the wearable tech bandwagon, it will soon be out, like hairspray and shoulder pads.

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True Stories It was a Friday night. After an exhausting work week without a single good night’s sleep, my officemates and I decided to let it rip in a videoke bar. After some singing and drinking, the alcohol finally started to kick in. I must admit that I turn into quite the dancer when I’ve had a drink or two. My officemates dared me to do a cartwheel. I failed and all the alcohol went straight to my head and then things started to get blurry. After karaoke, we decided to go to my officemate’s place. I started vomiting everywhere: in the taxi, on the street lamp by the corner, on the road, until we reached our friend’s house. I collapsed right then and there, but during the night I would wake people up just to vomit. The last thing I remember was dragging myself in the toilet and falling asleep below the sink right beside the toilet bowl. My friends didn’t forget to commemorate the moment by taking photo of me sleeping. They made it a meme and shared it with the officemates who weren’t there. Such nice friends I have. Engell, via Facebook

Hot n’ cold

A few years back, we had a school camping trip with our graduating

batch. The plan was to build lasting memories with the people we’ve known for so long before

we went our separate ways. I was in an all-boys school so as you would expect, we were quite the rowdy bunch, especially when it came to pranking one another. One time, my classmates and I were goofing around in the bathroom, and I was waiting for my turn to use the shower. My friend Sam told me I could use the cubicle he was in. I went inside and turned on the water, and I kid you not, the first drop of water made me scream like I was getting murdered. Apparently, the heater only had two settings—Narnia-cold or Mordor-hot. After I got out of the bathroom, I saw Sam, laughing it up like a hyena on crack. I’ll tell you guys how I got back at jackass in my next entry! Prodo, via Facebook

TRUE

STORY

So…how does it taste?

My cousin and I were making some crazy concoctions with our new blender. We were blending some really weird stuff like ice cream, chocolate, Tabasco sauce, oranges, bread, and some other stuff. We were busy just looking for things to put inside—testing if it really was one of the most powerful blenders in the market! We were about to let it rip, when I thought it would be awesome to put some nutmeg in there to add to the earthy texture of the drink, but my cousin pushed the button while I was taking off the lid. Long story short: the concoction splattered all over my face. JuzyJuiz, via Facebook

Just like ukay

I just finished my workout

Jhane Santaguiel Once during a show, I was dancing on stage and my leggings suddenly ripped open because of a move I did. Luckily only a few people in the audience saw what happened, but the staff backstage saw everything and we’re laughing it up. I ran backstage during song transitions! I couldn’t change my leggings because there was no breaks in-between those songs so they duct taped the hole in my leggings and I got back on stage, and just kept dancing, ha ha!

at my gym. I tossed my workout clothes into the gym laundry basket— where you usually pitch the gym clothes you borrow from the front desk. I got dressed and was driving off to work when I realized that I didn’t borrow my gym clothes that day and instead wore my own and that I had left my wallet inside my shorts. I went back to the locker room and waited for the people to get out before I started rummaging through the stinky gym clothes to find my own. I was making a mess tossing out used clothes when some gym people walked in on me checking out the used gym clothes. I found my wallet—but not after being red in the face and embarrassed by the looks the guys at the gym gave me. Punani, via Facebook 112 FH M JANUARY 2016

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I L L U S T R AT I O N : G I L B E R T D A R O Y ; J H A N E ’ S P H O T O : J E R I C O M O N T E M AY O R

Meme’d

You are the punchline