FHM India June 2014 (Yami's Hot Shoot) PDF - P2P

JUNE 2014 / ` 100

07

WEEKENDS SO DIRTY YOU’LL HAVE TO

BURN YOUR KIT #DRIVEN

AUDI A8L

HURRIED MAN’S GUIDE TO

WO R L D C U P 2 0 1 4

IN A SHOOT WILD BEYOND IMAGINATION

YAMI GAUTAM

BARES HER SHOULDERS & WRISTS

CARMEN ELECTRA 15 YEARS AFTER BAYWATCH

BMW 3 SERIES GT

ROVER SPORT TRIUMPH TRIPLE

NIC CAGE ON FAN FANGS

AND SHE’S STILL GOT IT!

CHEESE CHEAT

SHEET (PHEW. QUITE THE MOUTHFUL ISN’T IT?)

INDIA EDITION VOL 7 ISSUE 07

40

VIDEO GAMES THAT CHANGED YOUR WORLD

CONTENTS 06/14 Spoiler alert!

YAMI GAUTAM AND THE ART OF THE FULL DERRIERE

Is it sporty or a Range Rover? p30

Waterproof. But FHM Proof? p98

Paparazzi hunting with Speed Triple p36

D-I-Y chicken wings! p100

Cabins you can see through! p38

Yami Gautam in her hottest shoot to date. Yes bare shoulders and all! p76

How to make your own viral video p112

ACCESS

E-Y-B

FEATURES

UPGRADE

04 HAPPILY SINGLE AND STILL HAVING THE BEST TIME

26 FOR THE LOVE OF BLUES!

47 THE BIG FAT FOOTBALL FEATURE

96 TUXEDO DILEMMAS #ACED

FHM chats up with a hot Blues band from India - Soulmate and gets into an argument about playing covers.

THIS is what June is really about watching a match that starts at 3 in the morning, drinking too much beer and showing up with presentations with two hours of sleep. We came up with a feature too awesome to be described.

Look dapper and invincible with these pro-tuxedo tips.

15 years on since Baywatch, Carmen Electra gets out of our highschool fantasies and into the magazine. Booyah.

16 GIRL NEXT DOOR She is a DJ, is as hot as the Indian summer and loves taking selfies.

18 THEY CAME, WE SAW, WE RAVED 5 films that released with no big names, zilch marketing budgets and still swamped the box office.

20 BUY HER THE PERFECT PRESENT Chitrangda Singh spills the beans on the gifts that would make your lover fall for you, head over heels.

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28 PRO TWITTER TIPS How to tweet the best sh!t from the writer of epic-ly funny series like Family Guy, Ted and The Cleveland Show - Alec Sulkin.

32 #DRIVEN: AUDI A8L IN DUBAI

68 40 VIDEO-GAMES THAT CHANGED THE WORLD

102 A MAN’S GUIDE TO CHEESE How to tell cheddar from camembert, why wine goes with gouda and why mozzarella goes over a pizza better than gorgonzola.

110 BATTLE DE CURVE

We sit down with a calculator to figure there are 91, 908 combinations it can be ordered in!

We’ve wasted countless nights, have bollocksed our eyesight, and fought with the family for the love of them. FHM ranks the most important games of all time.

40 NIC CAGE

76 YAMI GAUTAM

114 GET A PROPER HAIRCUT

Nicolas Cage tells us he wants to have our babies. Well, not really, he talks about motorsports!

On bikinis, sperm donors, political correctness and hopeless flirting. Plus a dozen hot pictures. Drool!

The unkempt wind kissed tresses are beginning to look more bum tahan Boho. Get out. Get a trim.

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We grill two curved TVs to decipher whether they make any sense. AT ALL.

June 2014

1

EDITOR’S LETTER

JUNE 2014

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June 2014

WHO SHE? Age: 42 Born in: Ohio Real name: Tara Leigh Patrick

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Claim to fame: Baywatch, Pussycat Dolls, Playboy and parody movies like Scary Movie Twitter: @carmenelectra

June 2014

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June 2014

World Cup is a big story for us – who isn’t it a big story for? For us, it’s a little bit bigger than the rest – for one, the regular readers of the magazine will agree that the pages of FHM don’t pander to the almost school girl crush on cricket. We like football. We also like staying up late and beer. Which is why the World Cup might not be our mecca, Promised Land and all that, but its still a big deal – bigger than at least IPL. Turn to page 47 for our mammoth 20-page World Cup special. We will also be setting up a special section on our website fhmindia.com/worldcup2014. Plus this time, we can relate to the World Cup a little bit more than normal. For one the Brazilian approach to the World Cup has been eerily similar to our very own approach to the Commonwealth. There is something phenomenally Indian in the stadia still under construction, about the still dirty slums being fenced around and the infrastructure still being hammered in. Don’t be very surprised if there is an Indian version of Suresh Kalmadi hiding somewhere in the mix. Our organisational and executional skills or the lack of them however aren’t the only things which bind us together. Our ladies do too. True, it would be unhinged to start comparing candidates to Gisele, or the fact that nothing short of a nuclear strike would be able to challenge the Brazilian 2

FHM IS CALLED INTO MEETINGS BY Publisher & COO Vikas Johari CEO & Managing Director Prakash Johari CFO Kuldip Singh Editor Kabeer Sharma

15 years on from Baywatch , the blonde waves. FHM bombshell still learns some life lessons from the ultim rules the Dan Jude ate pin-up Emily Shur

BOMBERMAN

Photography

40 CRAZY

35 SUPER

Pope, Mike Rampton

40 VIDEOHAT GAMES TD CHANGE LD THE WOR

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June 2014

strangle hold over Victoria’s Secret. The objective of the edit note, though, as I am often reminded is to talk about the entire magazine and not just the one feature and even more importantly to reign in the rants. Which is why you should check out our other features – we met Nicolas Cage in Dubai (page 40) and asked him typical fan boy questions; we drove the Audi A8L, The BMW 3 Series Gran Turismo, the ultimate soccer mom car - Range Rover Sport and a bike the previous avtars of which have been driven by hotties we idolised in school – Pam Anderson in Barbed Wire and Angelina Jolie in Salt. Speaking of hotties we lusted after in school, we’ve got some rather exclusive, pouty and hot-as-hell pictures of Carmen Electra (page 4). Do check it out, call it an editor’s recommendation or whatever. As men we’ve always admitted that the one thing that has continued to outfox us is cheese – we still get confused about which one to stick on pizza and which one goes on the pointed edge of the stick with an olive. Which is why we’ve come up with a four page man’s guide to cheese (page 102). The guide is by no means authoritative or the final word in cheese but it’s a start to catch you up. There is also a big feature on the best videogames ever, and the guide to making proper chicken wings. – Kabeer Sharma

WHAT WE DID THIS MONTH The Samsung S2, the Sony Z2 and even the Moto E took out water test. Did they make it? Could we answer phones when they were under water? How much money did we spend on the shoot? Answers on page 98

Finally got an international drivers permit and drove like a maniac on the wrong side of the road and it wasn’t on purpose. Met the man who once found himself on the wrong end of a head butt by Zidane – Mario Materazzi and asked him about Italy’s chances. Had a monthly drinking binge – got way too drunk and way too excited about a Kingfisher IPL quiz conducted in the local. Got way too excited, downed way too many beers and aced it. Discovered beer bottles hidden in office bags for a week after.

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FHM IS TAKEN ON ITS TRAVELS BY… International Director of Men’s Magazines Simon Greves (+44 20 7182 8074) International Head of Content Anouska Christy (+44 20 7182 8941) International Commercial Manager Graham Kirk (+44 20 7182 8941) International Content Manager Jennifer Batchelor (+44 20 7182 8056) International Content Coordinator Charlotte Smith (+44 20 7182 8069) International Content Executive Ellie Bond (+44 207 520 6561) Information: [email protected] Subscriptions: [email protected] Submissions: [email protected] Advertising: [email protected] Accounts: [email protected] Careers: [email protected] MaXposure Media Group (India) Pvt. Ltd. Head Office: Unit No F2b ( Second Floor) Mira Corporate Suites, Plot No . 1 & 2 Ishwar Nagar, Mathura Road, New Delhi -110065 Ph: 91.11.43011111, Fax: 91.11.43011199 East | Kolkata | DPS Corporate Club 1st Floor, 9A Sebak Baidya Street, Kolkata– 700029 Ph: 91.33.40680111 Raipur | Magnetto Offizo, Office No.546, 5th Floor, Magnetto The Mall, G.E.Road, Labhandi, Raipur. Ph: 91.771.4264571 West | Mumbai | Time Square Building, 3rd floor, Western Express Highway, Andheri (E), Mumbai - 400069 Ph: 91.22.61991111, Fax: 91.22.61991115 Ahmedabad | 4, Megabyte Business Centre, Navrang Building, Opp, Samsung Show room. Swastik Char Rasta, C.G.Road, Ahmedabad - 380009 Ph: 91.79.40193627 Indore | 7/1, 409, 4th Floor Ratan Mani Complex, Opposite Inter Star Showroom, New Palasia, Indore - 452001 Ph: 91.731.4248881 South | Bangaluru| 1010 A Wing, 10th Floor, Mittal Towers, M.G. Road, Bangaluru-560001, Karnataka, India, Ph: 91.80.40921037-38, Fax: 91.80.41510657 Hyderabad | 1-11-222/2 Ground Floor, Street No.4, Gurumurthy lane, Begumpet, Hyderabad-500 016 Andhra Pradesh, Ph: 91.40.40021545 Chennai | FL 9, Alsa Mall, First Floor, 149 Montieth Road, Egmore, Chennai 600008, Ph: 044-42015685 Fax : 044-42015684 FHM INDIA MAGAZINE PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY VIKAS JOHARI ON BEHALF OF MAXPOSURE MEDIA GROUP (INDIA) PVT. LTD. PUBLISHED AT MAXPOSURE MEDIA GROUP (INDIA) PVT. LTD. UNIT NO F2B ( SECOND FLOOR) MIRA CORPORATE SUITES, PLOT NO . 1 & 2, ISHWAR NAGAR, MATHURA ROAD, NEW DELHI -110065, INDIA. DISTRIBUTED BY: CNA DISTRIBUTORS 4-E/15, JHANDEWALAN EXTENSION, ASHOKA CENTRE-2ND FLOOR, NEW DELHI-110055 PH NO-41541111. FAX NO-91-011-23626036 FHM INDIA MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED MONTHLY. FHM INDIA MAGAZINE IS A TRADEMARK OF BAUER CONSUMER MEDIA AND THE MAXPOSURE MEDIA GROUP (INDIA) PVT. LTD. AND THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF FHM INDIA MAGAZINE ARE COPYRIGHTED TO BAUER CONSUMER MEDIA AND MAXPOSURE MEDIA GROUP (INDIA) PVT. LTD. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. THE WRITING, ARTWORK AND/OR PHOTOGRAPHY CONTAINED HEREIN MAY NOT BE USED OR REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION. MAXPOSURE MEDIA GROUP (INDIA) PVT. LTD. DOES NOT ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY FOR LOSS OR DAMAGE OF UNSOLICITED PRODUCTS, MANUSCRIPTS, PHOTOGRAPHS, ARTWORK, TRANSPARENCIES OR OTHER MATERIALS. MAXPOSURE MEDIA GROUP (INDIA) PVT. LTD. DOES NOT ASSUME ANY LIABILITY FOR SERVICES OR PRODUCTS ADVERTISED HEREIN. FOR INQUIRIES PH: 91.11.43011111, FAX: 91.11.43011199 www.fhmindia.com CIN No. U22229DL2006PTC152087

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JUNE 2014

CARMEN IT’S GREAT TO BE A MAN

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June 2014

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ELECTRA

15 years on from Baywatch, the blonde bombshell still rules the waves. FHM learns some life lessons from the ultimate pin-up Dan Jude

Emily Shur

WHO SHE? Age: 42 Born in: Ohio Real name: Tara Leigh Patrick Claim to fame: Baywatch, Pussycat Dolls, Playboy and parody movies like Scary Movie Twitter: @carmenelectra

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June 2014

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ack in 1991, a 19-year-old dancer from Ohio moved to Hollywood to become a celebrity. Like every other bright-eyed and bushytailed teenage, hopeful, pitching up in Los Angele’s, with dreams of superstardom, Tara Leigh Patrick was convinced that she was the real deal. Since childhood, people had always told her she was destined for big success, and she believed it. Tara Patrick was a brilliant dancer and a decent actress and singer. But she had the sort of face – and body – that doesn’t just turn heads, but makes grown men bite their fists. Most importantly, she possessed (in the language of the TV talent shows that hadn’t even been created then) what Simon Cowell would describe as the X factor – that magical aura of superstardom that only a lucky few emit. Little did Tara know that she’d go on to become such a global megastar that some 20 years later, she’d be appearing as a judge on the world’s biggest TV talent shows, let alone dating the Lord Master of television, Simon Cowell, himself. But before all of that, before the red swimsuit and the Hollywood career spanning more than two decades, Miss Patrick had to change her name. Not her decision, but that of the pop legend, Prince, who first championed the artist who would thereafter be known as Carmen Electra. GOING SOLO “I was dancing for Prince in a nightclub called Glam Slam in LA .” says Carmen, like it’s no big deal at all. “Then I had the opportunity to audition for this all-girl group that he was putting together. I didn’t hear anything at first, so I assumed I didn’t get it, and I just kept working on demos. Then I remember receiving a call from him and he said, “I think you should be a solo artist. I don’t think you should be backing anyone up.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It just blew me away for someone like him to believe in me at such a young age, at such an early stage in my career.” Prince had so much faith in the teenager that once she’d changed her name, he gave her a solo record contract. Her debut album performed unspectacularly, but a star had been born, and from that moment on there was no stopping her. Besides helping make Baywatch one of the most iconic TV shows of all time (more on this later), Carmen has starred in some 42 movies. She has appeared on more FHM and Playboy covers than any other person in the world. She has been in The Pussycat Dolls. She has been married to and divorced basketball player Dennis Rodman and musician Dave Navarro. You name it, and it’s likely that over her 22-year career, Carmen has done it. Hell, she even has a fly named after her (the Carmenelectra shechisme) on account of her ‘splendid somal structure’ (aka banging body). 6

June 2014

“Don’t say anything too opinionated, and you can’t piss anyone off.”

CARMEN’S LIFE THIS MONTH

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STYLING: CAT WENNEKAMP AT ARTMIX BEAUTY PROPS STYLING: RAE SCARTON MAKE-UP: PRESTON MENESES AT GRID AGENCY HAIR: MICHAEL SOLIS AT GRID AGENCY WITH THANKS TO IMAGE LOCATIONS

What is most remarkable is that through this roller-coaster life, Carmen has never really changed who she is. Which, given the accepted commandments of achieving longevity in showbusiness, is perhaps her biggest achievement of all. ENDURANCE TEST The first rule of celebrity survival is that you must reinvent to remain famous. Trace a pop-cultural line from Madonna in the ’80s to Gaga and Cyrus today and you’ll find a trend: in order to stay relevant, most female performers have, at some point, undergone a fhmindia.com

radical metamorphosis. A change in hair colour, in style, in personality. Not selling enough records? Try twerking. Haven’t signed any big movie deals recently? Cut all your hair off. In Hollywood, reinvention is the cure for irrelevancy, an instant tonic for public indifference. There are, however, a very small number of celebrities who are so pop-culturally iconic, held in such high esteem across multiple generations, that reinvention isn’t necessary. Their appeal is themselves, not whatever their latest look or fad is. Not only does the public not need them to change, the public doesn’t fhmindia ē fhmindia

want them to change. Over 20 years, Carmen Electra has stayed true to what made her so adored in the first place. “So badly, throughout my career, I’ve wanted to make drastic changes,” she says. “I’ve wanted to change my hair, my make-up, whatever. But when I’m hired, there’s a certain look that they want and it’s a look I’ve had for a long time.” Carmen, has never really stopped being relevant. Critics will complain that she only gets jobs because of her looks and her boobs, but the public will continue to watch films she’s in and buy magazines she appears on the covers of. June 2014

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BRA AND GARTER, WHAT KATIE DID; SHORTS, TOPSHOP; SHOES, JIMMY CHOO

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While models model and singers sing, Carmen is a jack of all trades. She is, as much as anything else, a brand. You realise the extent of this when you talk to her at length – she’s as media-trained and savvy as a politician in an electoral campaign. You get a lot of, “I’m always grateful”s and “It’s important to be true to yourself”s, and it can be hard to really see the real Carmen Electra. It’s the Kate Moss approach: don’t say anything too opinionated, and you can’t piss anyone off. But regardless of what she says in interviews, people will form an opinion and, in the Twitter age, this means putting up with plenty of abuse along with the praise. “I usually stay away from Twitter because I feel like I want to do what I want to do and, after a while, when you’re constantly reading criticism, that can affect you.” Does it affect you? “I try not to let it. I want to be myself, I always want to be myself. I don’t want to change.” Do your famous friends see what people are saying about them on Twitter? “I have friends in the business and they read every single comment and they’ll be sad about it. I say, ‘Just don’t even pay attention. You’re part of social media, post what you want.’ Obviously, I really want to connect, especially on Instagram, and I do read some comments just so I can stay in the know, and connected. But it can be hard.” LIFE BEGINS AT 40 At 41, Carmen is officially the oldest Access Girl in FHM ’s history – not that she looks it. Is June 2014

it harder modelling in your forties than in your twenties? “I feel more comfortable now,” she says. “Less nervous. I feel like I’m in a really good place in my life and just being in that space makes me feel sexier. FHM has supported me throughout my career. “The secret to being sexy starts on the inside. I think it’s all about embracing yourself. I love being on shoots because you can get into the fantasy of it all. I love getting into new outfits, stuff I wouldn’t normally wear.” Of course you can’t discuss outfits with Carmen Electra without bringing up that red swimsuit. The one that made her – as well as co-stars Pamela Anderson and Yasmine Bleeth – a global pop-culture icon. “I still have the red swimsuit,” Carmen proudly says of her famous Baywatch one-piece. “The whole Baywatch experience was just crazy, because it was such a new phenomenon at the time. It was really exciting and I learnt a lot on that show.” Did she have to run in slow motion in the audition? “No, but I had to put the swimsuit on. I was really nervous. And then it all got a little weird: we all had to swim. It was definitely the most unusual audition I’ve ever done!” Unusual it might have been, but Carmen nailed it, got the part, and went from being a bit famous to really bloody famous – at its peak, Baywatch pulled in a global audience of more than one billion. These days, she gets recognised so frequently that she has to go to Disneyland in disguise. “I was there recently – I love roller coasters – but I do get approached a lot for photos, so I have to throw on a snapback and glasses and try to blend-in by dressing super casual.” fhmindia ē fhmindia

‘Super casual’ isn’t a look that Carmen Electra embraces in most of her cinema performances. Across the spoof movie franchise (she’s starred in Scary Movie, Date Movie, Disaster Movie and Epic Movie), Carmen sends up not just the genre but herself, playing the part of the ditsy, pillowfighting, sexed-up bimbo that many people assume she embodies in real life. “I’ve just always loved comedy,” she says. “Even when I was a little kid, I loved to make people laugh and act stupid and do loads of silly things. So it’s fun to do spoof movies because you can be really silly.” After auditioning for Scary Movie, the casting agents were so impressed, they rewrote the role to fit around her. “Once I got the part, they tailored the dialogue around me and my personal life a little bit, which was awesome,” she admits. “I think sometimes you can be really critical of yourself, so being part of those parody movies with that humour is a really nice balance to all that.” Now that she’s conquered the worlds of modelling, film and television, what’s next for Carmen Electra? Well, there’s the perfume industry (she’s launching a new fragrance later this year), as well as a second stab at the charts with the release of a new record some 21 years after her first... Not to mention the small matter of FHM’s 100 Sexiest. “Obviously it would be great to win, but there have been so many amazingly sexy girls in FHM over the years. My vote goes to Beyoncé – she’s just been so hot for so many years and she looks better than ever now. But it’s always fun to see how high you get on the list!” fhmindia.com

NEWS GET READY TO RIDE A FLYING BIKE If all goes well, an American company will roll-out a flying bike in 2017. The high-tech ride will carry two people up to a height of 10ft and clock maximum speed of up to 72 kmph. The California-based company, Aerofex, has priced the product at an estimated $85,000 and is already accepting advance bookings in the form of refundable deposits of $5,000 on its website www.aerofex.com.

CASSETTE MAY SOON BE BACK It’s been a while since the cassette’s obituary was written and it was forced to march into the sunset. Now the makers of such pioneering defunct technology as blu-ray discus - Sony, is bringing the magnetic tape back. The magnetic tape in it’s new avatar can store 148 GB of data in just one square inch of the tape. Going by the calculations of the company, a cassette will be able to hold 185 terabytes of data which is equal to 3,700 Blu-ray discs or more than 500,000 CD quality albums.

A SOFT TOY FOR COMPANY A restaurant in Japan has come out with a way to kill eating-alone -blues. Their solution, which is equal parts creepy and equal parts welcome, is offering its stag diners a free soft toy that would sit with the diner while they eat. The Moomin House Café offers stuffed animal companions, called Moomins, a family of white hippolike characters created by Finnish illustrator and writer Tove Jansson. There is a similar cafe in New York for quite sometime now. Let’s see when India gets it?

SNAKE BITES WOMAN IN TOILET BOWL A housewife in Singapore was bitten by a python that was hiding in her toilet bowl. The 34-year-old woman, Noraslinda Asat, felt a severe pain in her right thigh while she was using the washroom and then she discovered that the 6-footed snake had planted its fangs in her thigh. 10

June 2014

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`98,000 DOUGHNUT World’s most famous doughnut maker, Krispy Kreme, unveiled the world’s most expensive doughnut in London recently. It took three days to ready this £1,000 worth doughnut that’s made with 23 carat gold and 500-year-old Cognac. The crust of the doughnut is filled with a Dom Perignon vintage 2002 champagne jelly, and topped with raspberry and Chateau d’Yquem crème. It also has an edible 24-carat gold leaf and 23-carat gold-dusted chocolate lotus flowers and edible diamonds. Drool? fhmindia.com

JOKES

BAD PICKUP LINES

DID THE SUN COME OUT OR DID YOU JUST SMILE AT ME?

ACCESS

ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN Managing director during inspection visit asks a manager, “Yes smarty, what do you do?” Manager (calmly): “Sir, I’m the sexual advisor to the VP.” Pin drop silence ensues, everyone stops work. The MD glared at the VP. VP (cursing the manager), speaks with the pent up energy, “explain your last remark manager.” Manager (looking at MD): “Actually sir, whenever I say something, the VP says, “ WHEN I NEED YOUR FU****G ADVICE, I’LL ASK FOR IT.” GRAND PRIZE A man calls a local FM Radio to participate in a contest. The RJ says, “Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize.” “That’s fantastic!” he shouts. “Feel confident?” she asks. “It’s a maths question.” “Well, I’ve got a Masters in maths and have been teaching for 35+ years,” he shoots back. “Ok then, to win our grand prize of two front row seats to Himesh Reshamiya’s new movie and to meet him back stage: What is 2+2?” “7,” he says and hangs up. SAUDI MARRIAGE COUNSELLING A Saudi couple, Ahmed and Layla, while preparing for their wedding, meet with a priest for counselling. The priest asks if they have any last questions before they left. Ahmed asks, “We realise it’s tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we’d like your permission to dance together.” 12

June 2014

“Absolutely not,” he says “It’s immoral. Men and women always dance separately.” “So after the ceremony I can’t even dance with my own wife?” “No,” answered the Mullah, “It’s forbidden.” “Well, okay,” says Ahmed, “What about sex? Can we finally have sex?” “Of course!” he says “Allah Akbar! Sex is ok within marriage to have children!” “What about different positions?” asks the man. “Depends which positions.” “Woman on top?” Ahmed asks. “Sure,” says the Mullah. “Go for it!” “Doggy style?” “Sure!” “On the kitchen table?’’ “Yes, yes!” “Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?” “You may indeed.” “Can we do it standing up?” “No, absolutely not! NEVER,” says the priest. “Why not?” asks the man. “Because that could lead to dancing!” MUMS KNOW IT ALL 5-year-old boy: I love you mom. Mom: Awww! Love you too. 16-year-old: I love you mom. Mom: Sorry! I have no money. 25-year-old boy: I love you mom. Mom: Kaun hai? Kahan rehti hai wo ? 35-year-old man: Mom, I love you. Mom: Beta pehle hi bola tha us chudail se shaadi mat karna. And The Best One is... 45-year-old man: Mom, I love you..... Mom: Beta main kisi bhi paper pe sign nahin karungi.

AT A LOCAL PUB “Gee, Sam, wish you were here with me.” “But Tom, I am. Look see, I’m right in front of you.” “No you’re not.” “Yes, I am.” “Prove you’re not. Bet you $5.” “You’re on.” “You’re not in New York City, are you?” “That’s true.” “And you’re not in Montreal.” “Can’t argue with you there.”

“And you are definitely not in Paris.” “Nope.” “If you’re not in New York City, Montreal or Paris, then you must be someplace else.” “Yea, that makes sense.” “Well, if you’re someplace else, you can’t be here. So pay up, let’s have the $5.” “Can’t.” “Why not?” “I’m not here.”

AN UPSET MAN GOES TO A SEX THERAPIST Man: Doc, you gotta help me. Please! Doc: Sure dude, what’s your problem? Man: It goes like this. Every morning I get up, give my wife hot sex and then leave for office. I give a lift to my girlfriend and while going to office she gives me an amazing blowjob. While in office, after lunch, I give my secretary a quickie behind my table doggy style. After I finish work, I have steamy sex with a call girl whom I order everyday.

While returning home from office I bang my girlfriend in my car. While at home, I f**k my wife till she is half dead. After dinner she gives a nice blow job to finish of my day. Doc: Well, you seem to have an amazing sex life, I don’t see any problem. Man: There is a problem doc. Doc: And what’s that? Man: It hurts a lot when I masturbate at midnight. Doctor: JUST GET THE F**K OUT OF HERE, YOU MOTHER F****ER.

SHARE GAGS, EARN CASH. K N OW A N Y F U N N Y J O K E S ? E V E RY G AG U S E D E A R N S YO U ` 2 5 0 ( H A H A ) . S E N D T H E M TO F H M @ M A X P OS U R E. I N

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LETTERS

Get in touch!

05/14

[email protected] fhmindia @fhmindia

From FHM India Facebook Page Beautiful camera work Ashok Sapra on cover girl Smoking hot Christopher Jones on cover girl Seductive! Vamsi Kumar on cover girl Drool Ronak Agarwal on cover girl Va Va Voom Jehangir on cover girl

Glad to see Neha Back on the cover

Thanks guys for bringing Neha back to the cover! From the time Julie released in 2004, I have always felt that there was never a hotter Miss India than Neha! She has got real curves. Hope FHM can do two things - one, convince her to do an even bolder Julie and secondly, fix me a date with her! Who knows what that might lead to! Joseph Kunnirickal, via email Joseph, We will pass along your request to Ms. Dhupia let’s see what she says. In exchange the least you can do is to ask your friends to vote for her for 100 Sexiest. Its only fair!

All that matters is thought and imagination

This month, I was most intrigued by the story on super villains of the 2000s and the paperman Atamjeet Singh Bawa. I would even rate these stories higher than cover girl Neha Dhupia and other bigger stories of the 14

June 2014

Letter of the month

Only Dhupia could have pulled it off? issue. There is no doubt that in the age of selfies, Dhupia made for an interesting cover, but the manner in which filmmakers use their thought and imagination to create super villains, and Atamjeet uses something as basic as a piece of paper to create marvellous paper models is far more commendable. Anjali, Delhi Anjali, Even we were quite blown away with the paper RPG. BTW settle a debate who’s the best Spiderman villain ever? fhmindia ē fhmindia

Neha Dhupia may not be a fine actor, her career may have been marred by lazy films but she has her loyal set of fans who will never question her credentials irrespective of how her films fare at the box office and what critics have to say about her. I don’t think anyone else has the oomph and attitude to pull off a shoot like this other than Neha. She was mind blowing in Phas Gaye Re Obama, which I am sure, not a lot of people watched. Neha will surely prove to be a winner for her films’ financer one day. Ravi Saran, Gandhinagar Amen. We loved the movie too. fhmindia.com

JUNE

GIRL NEXT DOOR

AKANKSHA POPLI SHE IS A DJ. AND NOT ONE OF THOSE, ‘IS ALSO A DJ IN THE PART TIME KIND OF A DJ’, IT’S ANOTHER MATTER THAT SHE MANAGES TO DO IT LOOKING LIKE SHE DOES. Words: KUMAR SAURAV; Photographer : SPS KALRA; MUA: RATUL; Styling: ANUJ LALWANI; Agency: LA MODELZ MANAGEMENT & PRODUCTIONS PVT. LTD

Aren’t you too hot to be a DJ? Don’t you think nice music, a sexy DJ and old whiskey always rock the floor? So, what are the tracks that you are playing these days? Every track of Yo Yo. And what is the genre that you play? Bollywood, EDM and Arabic. Your FB wall is rather active with some 16

June 2014

rather smashing pictures. You must be getting a lot of ‘Will you make frandship requests.’ Surprisingly. I don’t. What does a man have to do to get onto your friend list? Just send me a request. My FB account is always crowded, so If I missed an invite it wasn’t intentional. fhmindia ē fhmindia

How are you as a person – cut and dry and dismissive or nice to everyone? Varies from person to person, but mostly I am very sweet to everyone. If you have a thing for a boy, how far will you go to woo him? Everything and anything, you just think of it, and I will do it. What are the films you’ve just watched? fhmindia.com

WHO’S SHE? DOB: April 26 AGE: 22 Born: Gurgaon Claim to fame: Splitsvilla winner

The Wolf of Wall Street and I just loved it. Once I am done watching it a hundred times, I will watch other films. Are you into books too? Nah. Not too much. Is there a number at the back of your head about the selfies you post everyday? Actually no. I try posting as much as I can. Why? I love myself, and I want my followers to love me too. How seriously do you take the compliments on your selfies? Comments, good or bad, are healthy feedback, and I take them very seriously. What are you going to do immediately after this interview gets over? Will hit the console.

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June 2014

17

THE

UNDERDOG FILMS

It’s the year of the underdog. It smacks you in the face when even Salman Khan can’t make a dent at the box office. We make a list of our five favourite underdog movies Words: Kumar Saurav

MANJUNATH: If we watch three films a month just for the sake of entertainment why can’t we watch one film that has its heart at the right place, but isn’t well promoted or flawlessly made? Such films not getting an audience indicate how we don’t really give a shit about serious cinema. Rant aside, the film, directed by Sandeep Varma and produced by Viacom 18, is a biopic on Manjunath, an Indian Oil sales manager, who was killed in 2005 after he threatened to revoke the licence of a petrol pump owner in Lakhimpur Kheri for selling adulterated fuel. Budget: Unavailable Earned: `20 lakh on the first day and `40 lakh on the second

KYA DILLI KYA LAHORE: Vijay Raaz is a fine actor, and his first outing as a director isn’t that bad. The film deals with the subject of partition as two soldiers, one of Indian origin from Pakistani army and another of Pakistani origin from Indian army, exchange bullets and subsequently find themselves on the threshold of an emotional outburst. Budget: `1 crore Earned: `70 lakh in the first week

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June 2014

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MISERABLE ATTEMPTS

QUEEN: Films like Rajjo, Rascals and Dhamal 2 would vouch for the fact that Kangana Ranaut has done a lot of films just for the sake of her bills, and lest we think she wouldn’t be able to carry a film on her shoulder and then Queen happened. It’s the story of a girl who finds herself after her marriage falls through at the last minute. Budget: `16-17 crore Earned: `48 crore

MASTRAM It could have been a popular film but its makers couldn’t identify the thin line between erotica and filth. The original literature was bang on at a time when television was a luxury and internet was hardly there. The film simply looks like a censored porn film. Nothing else. Only if Akhilesh Jaiswal, writer of Gangs of Wasseypur, would approached his directorial debut a bit more seriously.

YAARIYAN: Frankly, it’s a baseless film, but still managed to net some real good business. Barring the T-Series tag that Yaariyan’s director, Divya Kumar Khosla, carried, every odd was against this film that featured an array of new comers with negligible acting skills or screen presence, but it comfortably sailed through. Courtesy good soundtracks and a bunch of eye-soothing bikini girls. Budget: `11 crore Earned: `40 crore

KHANDELWAL’ CHARAC S SAMRAT &TECOR IN CALLED ‘STD’.. IS HAHA HAHAH HAWAA HAWAAI: Amol Gupte weaves his films around kids, but they are not necessarily films for kids. Remember the heart-wrenching Taare Zameen Per that he wrote and the not-so-successful but super solid Stanley Ka Dabba? His latest attempt at the box-office is a touching tale is about how we undermine our talent and stop relating with the champion that resides in us. Hawaa Hawaai is doing brisk business and that too without a superstar. Budget: ` 15 crores Earned: `5 crore in four days, and still running.

THE BEST OF 2013 KAI PO CHE

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SHIP OF THESEUS

BA PASS

THE LUNCH BOX

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SHAHID

SAMRAT & CO Just because actor Rajeev Khandelwal’s debut Aamir worked wonders for him, he has made sure that atleast the names of all his films (Table No.21, Shaitan, Soundtrack) should be interesting if not the film. Samrat & Co is a poor man’s version of Sherlock Holmes at a time when people are hooked onto a Sherlock and Elementary.

June 2014

19

GET HER THE

PERFECT PRESENT Chitrangda Singh

1

TIMETELLER: A watch from Casio’s Sheen range and a watch that can be swiped as a credit card as well. “Carrying credit card details are too exhausting,” she says. So to make life a little easier for her, get her a watch into which you can feed the information about your credit card!

2

A PUP: It is always a good present if you are serious unless she got bit by a dog in her childhood and screams at the sight of one. “A Springer Spaniel without a tail,” she isn’t too fond of the wagging. Miss Singhh might get into trouble with PETA for or saying this, but tailless dogs are quite te the rage in the UK right now.

3 4

A SANDBAG: “Get her a nice sandbag to learn kick boxing on and a trainer to train her,” she says. If your GF is anything like Miss Singh here she’d be chuffed to bits at the idea of at doling out a few good punches.

A DIAMOND: Yes all women love diamonds. And yes, there can always be one bigger than the one you got her. “Only a tear shaped, yellow w diamond would rock,” she warns burning a manhole size hole in your credit card and self esteem.

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June 2014

As told to Sayanti Banerjee

Chitrangda Singh is the brand ambassador of Sheen, a new range of women’s watches by Casio. These watches are a fine blend of premium materials like sapphire glass leather and Swarovski elements

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ARE YOU A SAM? (SELFIE-ADDICTED MORON) Before you fill your Facebook with a billion summer selfies, take heed: you could be falling into one of these dangerous image-obsessed pitfalls… Ever since the first caveman painted an image of himself, wielding a spear on a big night out, man has been fond of the selfie. Skip forward a few millennia and this pastime has become a worldwide epidemic, an addiction that risks a fate worse than death – becoming a full-on moron. Everyone’s got a smartphone, Facebook and, unfortunately, a face – put the three together and you’ve got a recipe for face-flaunting hell. Most of the Indian smartphone owning population has taken one and Instagram holds over 79 million photos with the #selfie hashtag. More worryingly, newspapers in Europe are reporting that the trend has led to an increase in people seeking plastic surgery. But even if you’re not planning on going under the knife, there’s still a major reason to be concerned. Why? Because, if you fall into one of FHM’s 11 SAM diagnoses, you’ve crossed the line to full-on addiction, and are dicing with injury and even death. THE SLEB STALKER The symptoms: Waking up early to be first in line to see the bloke who did the original voiceover on Mahabharat opening a shoe store; your first restraining order. THE TOTES INAPPROPES The symptoms: Court order preventing you from going within 50m a corpse, or funeral procession; swelling round eye after being repeatedly thumped. THE ME AND MY DINNER The symptoms: Disappointment after spending so long composing the perfect shot of your Sunday pasta it’s gone cold; embarrassing attraction to girlie cupcakes. THE SIX-PACK STRAINER The symptoms: Chronic backache from always arching your back at 45 degrees for maximum abs definition; almost passing 22

June 2014

out from holding your breath. THE BEDROOM GANG$$$TA The symptoms: Repetitive strain injury from overuse of finger guns and nonsensical gang signs; ink poisoning from colouring your teeth with gold marker. THE SMUG LOVERS The symptoms: Being known only by a mash-up of your and your girlfriend’s name, ie KaPri; continuing to be known as KaPri after Pri’s left you for the guy in marketing who just got sacked. THE FAST AND TEDIOUS The symptoms: Damage to your bumper after failing to notice pedestrians in your path; nasal pain from having your mobile imbedded in your face after bending your Fiesta round a lamppost. THE SHIRTLESS CRUSADER The symptoms: Your elderly neighbours slipping a Big Bazaar leaflet under your front door with an offer on curtains circled; the inability to keep your bloody shirt on. THE TACTICAL BRAGGER The symptoms: An urge to feature your costly possessions ‘accidentally’ in every pic; taking items back to Home Store because they don’t fit in an Instagram frame. THE I’M ON BLOODY HOLIDAY The symptoms: Lack of enjoyment of actual trip; constant need to feature any object/person/landmark/dancing monkey in shot to prove to jealous mates you’re actually abroad. THE ZZZZELFIE The symptoms: Abject misery coursing through your veins that life has come to this: using one of man’s greatest innovations to take a picture of yourself, looking like shit, in your fucking bed. fhmindia ē fhmindia

fhmindia.com

MAN FA CT

WHO IS THE ULTIMATE SELFIEOBSESSED CELEBRITY?

23.1 WOM % INDIA MEN EN DIS N LIKE WH SELF O TAKE IES*

The rich and famous are notoriously SAPpy. But whose Instagram-feed is the most narcissistic of the lot? THE TWERKER Miley Cyrus

THE BRAGGER Justin Bieber

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THE BOSS Barack Obama

June 2014

Words: Gary Ogden. Illustrations: Sam Taylor. Ideas: Ben Hughes

*Survey by Shaadi.com among 6,500 urban Indians

THE POUTER Helen Flanagan

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Entertain your brain 15

01

must-knows for the month ahead

DRAMA

FUGLY

Fugly is a fast paced masala thriller set in the lanes of Delhi. A story of 4 friends: Dev, Devi, Gaurav and Aditya who are just out of college and find themselves at the cusp of their lives and love. Enter ‘kahani mein twist’ courtesy an evil-beyond-words, Satan’s-brother-from another-mother in Khaki, SHO Chautala aka Jimmy Shergill. The film will see Olympic boxing champ Vijendra Singh in his Bollywood outing. Out on June 13

02 ACTION

HOLIDAY: A SOLDIER IS NEVER OFF DUTY The movie Akshay Kumar and Sonakshi Sinha coming together, yet again. Akshay plays the role of a military officer and an undercover intelligence agent, who along with his military regiment, comes to Mumbai on vacation. As things would have it, a bomb explosion on a bus throws the vacation off track and sets him out on a mission to nab the terrorist group behind the heinous crime. Sonakshi Sinha plays the role of a boxer, while Govinda plays the role of a Akshay’s senior commanding officer. Out on June 6

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03 ROY ROMANTIC THRILLER

A typical stereotyped Bollywood romantic thriller — the story revolves around Ranbir Kapoor, Arjun Rampal and Jacqueline Fernandez. In typical/atypical terms, Kapoor and Rampal fight over Ms Fernandez in the scenic landscapes of Sri Lanka. There is a twist here too — someone dies. Or do they? Out on June 20 fhmindia.com

TRANSFORMERS: 04 AGE OF EXTINCTION ACTION

The film is the fourth in the Transformer franchise and picks up four years after the invasion in Chicago. A mechanic and his daughter make a discovery that brings down the wrath of Autobots and Decepticons - and a paranoid government official - on them and Earth. As the other Transformers editions, this one should be packed with action and bots, err, robots with only one minor change – there’s MARK WAHLBERG in it. Out on June 27

05

ROMANTIC THRILLER

EK VILLAIN

What happens when you set out to make a thriller using actors normally reserved for romantic movies or slapstick comedies? Ek Villain would probably be bang at the bottom of your guess list. But that’s what Mohit Suri has done Ek Villain showcases Sidharth Malhotra and Shraddha Kapoor as protagonists and Riteish Deshmukh as the antagonist. We are told there are some heavy-duty action packed sequences performed by Sidharth too. Out on June 27

06 COMEDY

Get set for a comedy of errors and mistaken identities as Sajid Khan releases the mad comedy, showcasing Saif Ali Khan, Ram Kapoor and Riteish Deshmukh, all in triple roles. The lady brigade is headed by Bipasha Basu, Esha Gupta and the leggy Tamannaah Bhatia — who, as per trusted sources, have all donned bikinis in the movie. Out on June 20 fhmindia.com

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June 2014

Words: Nishant Nayyar

HUMSHAKALS

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Entertain your brain June

07 Bands We Love

SOULMATE

Blues. In India. And its not all Sinatra.

Ask someone under 25 to describe a Blues evening and odds are it would begin and end with a rant about white eyebrows, pot bellies and Sinatra. Switch conversation to an Indian Blues Band and you can imagine the sort of reaction it still gets. With that at the back of your head meet Soulmate. An Indian Blues band which doesn’t only do covers. A band which is now on their third album. 26

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Shillong, Moving On and Ten Stories Up - you  are  now  three  albums  old,  how  does  it  feel? Initially, the challenge we faced with ‘Ten Stories Up’ (our 3rd album), was about how we were going to come up with the finances to pay for the recording and mastering of the album...that done, our challenge now is to get as many people as possible to hear our album. fhmindia ē fhmindia

You came together as a band in 2003, how have you seen the music scene progress in the last 9 years? First of all, the biggest change has come from the audiences that go to live concerts. Their acceptance of Indian bands, writing and playing their own music has made it possible for a lot of talented musicians and songwriters to play gigs and maintain fan bases in fhmindia.com

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In the recent years, we’ve seen a huge outburst of homegrown talent, but even then something seems to be holding them back. What do you think it is? As career musicians we feel that as far as the industry is concerned, it’s the belief that ‘only if you’re in Bollywood your career will ‘explode’. Those of us making western music have to work really hard to keep afloat. It’s not easy...but audience that is the best judge of one’s worth as a musician I guess. Plus even now, big record labels don’t want to take a chance with rock bands or metal bands or blues bands. They do not want to invest any money in recording and promoting a band no matter how good the band/ talent is. It’s a ‘risk’ for them and no one wants to lose money. What  is next for Soulmate? We will be sending our album Ten Stories Up to Memphis as an entry for the Blues Music Awards for 2015. We would also love to tour the US, Canada and Japan, for which we are working really hard. Wish us luck on that! Any  new  promising  artists  that  you’re  currently hooked  onto? Blackstratblues , Nischay Parekh and Tajdar Junaid come to mind at the moment. Soulmate appeals to all their fans and lovers of the Blues to not download the album for free or copy it off someone else’s personal copy... Please buy their album and support the music! fhmindia ē fhmindia

THE EQUIPMENT THEY USE „Tripti (aka Tips) uses Gibson guitars and plays a Les Paul Studio. She favours a Twin Reverb on stage. D’addario (.010-.046) are her strings of choice. „Rudy uses Fender guitars, D’addario Strings (.011-.052) and Xotic Pedals and plays a Fender Custom Shop Startocaster through a Fender Supersonic 22 combo. Effect pedals are EP Booster, DD3, T- Rex Tremster, MXR 6 band EQ, Keeley TS9 Mod Plus, Xotic AC Booster, Thomas Organ Wah (Modded by Geoferry Teese) or the Dunlop Classic Wah and last but not the least, a TU-3 Tuner. „Soulmate endorses AKG, wireless guitar systems, In ear monitors and microphones.

June 2014

Words: Nishant Nayyar; Soulmate was a part of VH1 Sound Nation tour; Pictures by: Elvin and Masucok

different parts of the country. Because of this, there are a lot of really good Music Festivals happening around the country, as well as at quite a few venues that promote live music. This is great for those of us who’ve made a career out of this. We need this kind of infrastructure and support to sustain the live music scene in India. Has  the  association between you two (Rudy Walland and Tripti Kharbangar) been ideal for Soulmate? We have a chemistry that is rare to find... as you can see, we’re still alive and kicking, ten years down the line! Here’s looking forward to another 20! How  do  you build the setlist to ensure that it  turns on the magic for everybody in the band? We have a ready to play song list of over 100-125 songs; originals as well as covers that we can perform anytime, anywhere! Before we go for a gig, we make a tentative set-list and rehearse according to that. Before a show, we may suddenly decide to change songs on the list, depending on our mood at the time or the feel of the crowd at the venue. We find this exciting and it keeps our performances fresh... we need this little sense of uncertainty... It’s good! Blues are very easy on  the  ears, is it also easy to play and write? Blues is a feeling. Playing and singing it is never really easy. One has to become emotionally naked on stage or it doesn’t work. You can’t fool the Blues! Whats  the  inspiration  behind  the  new  album  Ten  Stories  Up?  The inspiration is - our trials and tribulations through the ten years of singing and playing the Blues and keeping the Blues, alive in India. In the age of  internet  convergence,  what  do  you feel sells well - an album every  3  years  or  an  EP  every  3  months?  It depends. It could work both ways. In this day and age, we have an audience that wants new stuff constantly, they get bored very easily. But we feel that with a full length album, you get a story as well; to us that would be more meaningful. Even to fans of Blues music and that includes us, we would rather have a full album by a Blues artist rather than a one off song. It carries a lot more meaning.

f r om d e r i p s n i We wereears of singing the tenayying the Blues e and pl eping them aliv and kea. in Indi

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Entertain your brain June

Now watch me win that knock-off stewie doll

08 Big flick

LEARN TWITTER FROM THE WORLD’S FUNNIEST MAN You may not think you know Alec Sulkin, but you do. Ever laughed at Family Guy? Ted? The Cleveland Show? A Million Ways To Die In The West is out now is one of the writing geniuses behind all of those, not to mention one of the greatest tweeters ever Hey Alec. What are you up to? It’s noon here in LA and I’ve already dropped one of my dogs off to doggy rehab. Doggy rehab is the most LA thing we’ve ever heard of. She got into heroin again. Nah, she’s had surgery, so she has to have acupuncture and swim. So, did your new film A Million Ways To Die In The West make you want to ditch the writing and become a gun-slinging cowboy? 28

June 2014

Actually the opposite. It was so dirty and everyone’s always covered in shit or blood, fighting the whole time over dumb stuff. I think it’d be too much for me. I’d have had a really weak nickname, too, like The Runaway Bunny. The film features a lot of comedy deaths. Of all the ways you off people in the film, which way would you most like to go? There’s one shot where a guy gets crushed in the face by a huge block of ice. There were so many ways to die slowly: you get gut shot or smallpox, and you’re dying for ages. Anything instant is good. Ice to the face is a glorious death. You’ve been named one of the funniest guys on Twitter and earned half a million followers. What pisses you off about it? That it exists. It’s such a fucking burden. Everyday, someone’s like, “What happened to you? You used to be funny.” There’s pressure to be funny 100% of the time. I can’t be anything else now. fhmindia ē fhmindia

What should we do to get funnier in those 140 characters? It’s important to know what’s funny about you and your flaws. I think Brits are the funniest. British people in their best state are a combination of Monty Python and Pink Floyd: that wacky half-gay side with that sad ‘our empire is dying’ side. Once people find your self-deprecation funny, spread your wings and be funny in different directions. You’re well placed to tell us when too far is really too far… Man, it’s more bizarre than you know. In America, you can’t show someone smoking a cigarette, or say ‘Jesus’ if you drop something on your foot. You can only say it when referring to Jesus Christ. But it’s cool to joke about anal sex. America is so fucked up. A Million Ways To Die In The West is running in cinemas fhmindia.com

Entertain your brain June

THE LARGE INFOTAINMENT SYSTEM IS QUITE GRIPPING

TAIL LAMPS ARE QUITE SMALL AND SEEM LIKE A LETDOWN

09 RANGE ROVER SPORT Test drive

1700-WATT MERIDIAN SPEAKER SYSTEM STANDS IMPRESSIVE

We test the opluent SUV that has the right blend of luxury and off-roading capabilities.

REAR LEGROOM AND SEATS COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER 30

June 2014

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Price `1.09 crore (Ex-show Delhi) Power: 288 BHP Mileage: 10.8 kmpl Transmission: 8-Speed AT Displacement: 2993 CC

R

ange Rover Sport was a car for soccer moms, the kind who would find themselves on BBC shows like Footballer’s Wives, ladies who found the Range Rover just too cumbersome for their annual grocery run. So when the Sport launched in 2004 it hit the nail on the head and did something better - it towed the line between consumer expectations and critical psyche and it towed it well. The second generation (the one we drove), however, takes a step further, with all new styling and a revved up engine. At the first sight, the new Sport is reminiscent of the measly looking Evoque in terms of body style, but a closer look shows you just how terribly wrong you are. fhmindia.com

From the outside, the RRS strikes the perfect balance of an edgy, modern-looking car, true to the ethos of a Range Rover. Standing 62mm longer and 55mm wider than the previous generation model, the RRS teases the onlookers with an easy-on-the-eye profiling and streamlined curves. With this, the company has successfully junked the bulkiness of the previous models. Aerodynamically, the car looks more intact, with front grille seamlessly meeting the bonnet and the hood, ending with the undeviating hues till the taillights. The DRLs (daytime running LEDs) give a distinctive yet soft profiling to the front of the car. Sadly some of this gets undone at the back courtesy the small and discrepant taillights. fhmindia ē fhmindia

Inside, all-beige leather upholstery welcomes you. The seats are beyond just being comfortable and even while negotiating rough terrain, the ride is plush — this is a Rover after all! The thigh-supports on the back row could have been a shade better, but that being said they don’t throw you about on a messy road. The instrument panel is reminiscent of the Range Rover family, and centrally mounted infotainment console, with a large touch screen is a brilliant treat for those used to luxury sedans. The cabin’s equipment, both at the front and in the back, is easy to use. A panoramic view sunroof that’s becoming the in thing on most luxury cars ensures you get a full view of the stars. The width and the breadth of the cabin is brought to life courtesy massive 1700-watt, 23 loudspeaker Meridian sound system. To say the system is phenomenal would be an understatement. Five digital cameras give you almost a 360° view of the outside world, so you know what’s happening without bothering to step out - EVER. Under the hood, an impressive 3 Litre v6 diesel engine churns 288 BHP and vrooms from 0-100 in less than 8 seconds. What really caught us off the guard though was the agility and sheer responsiveness of the engine, which makes this huge and heavy car (2,144 kgs) zip through tarmacs with ease. Truth be told, there is some initial hesitation when you floor the throttle, but the engine soon finds its sweet spot. Despite the big stature of the car, its easy on handling, turning around the corners and overseeing heavy traffic, and this is contrary to popular belief of big cars demanding bigger space and needing to be driven with extra caution. Perhaps, what makes one forget the sheer size and structure of this SUV, is the robustness of the engine. What comes in as more of a surprise is the braking prowess - you don’t need a brick wall to stop it. From zooming at 150 km/hr to a completely halt is confidence inspiring. A new air suspension hydraulic system lets you choose the right height of the car, bringing a sigh of relief to those who aspire for heavy off-roading and all-terrain exploring. VERDICT Albeit, there would be lesser buyers for a crore plus car in the naive Indian automotive market, this car undoubtedly sits at the top of our wish-list. There aren’t any direct competitors either except maybe the Porsche Cayenne. The Cayenne, however, could be a boy’s dream car the Sport is the Man and his wife’s. June 2014

Words: Nishant Nayyar

Car Specs RR SPORTS

THE WIDTH AND THE BREADTH OF THE CABIN IS BROUGHT TO LIFE COURTESY MASSIVE 1700-WATT, 23 LOUDSPEAKER MERIDIAN SOUND SYSTEM

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10 Test drive

AUDI A8 L

We drive the longest car from the Audi stable on the wrong side of the road.

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here are those who get snowed down under options buying a sandwich – first you have to pick between brown, whole wheat, white, debate whether you need salami, ham, bacon, turkey or chicken, and then whether or not you want tomatoes and onions. Then one of the most important questions of your life awaits you – whether to pick mustard, honey mustard, chilli sauce or mayo. If you’re one of those who go back and forth between the Mayo and the honey mustard and can’t decide between the bacon and the ham while the restless line behind you grows, the A8L will keep you up at nights for weeks together. Yes, someone at Audi did shoot themselves after they read the analogy. The A8L is for the people who know exactly what they want in painful excruciating, specific detail. It is available in 111 colours, there are 23 interior options, 27 customisable parts, 12 wooden inlay options and three engine options. Audi calls it infinite. But considering we are as hard working souls as we are, we figured out that this basically means there are 91,908 variations on offer (if you don’t count the 27 customisable parts). Add to this the fact that its matrix LED headlights deliver close to a billion illumination configurations mean this is a nightmare for the man who doesn’t know what he wants. So when Nicolas Cage, at the launch, said he wanted the car in Mamba Black metallic paint, Nutmeg Brown Valcona leather and dark brown Walnut Wood he might not have realised but it might have been his bravest decision yet. And this is a man who does his own stunts. We drove the car for close to 120 kms in Dubai

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and even though the driver’s seat is something that will be rarely acknowledged on the ones that sell in India, are a truly spectacular place to be in. The redone headlights are now composed of 25 LEDs which work in conjunction with the on-board computer and camera and can be individually controlled. For instance, the car automatically detects another car coming from the opposite direction and dims the LED which might blind the other driver, while at the same time continuing to fhmindia ē fhmindia

light up the road for you. The 50 minutes drive from downtown Dubai to the desert resort of Bab al Shams was uneventful – even though we did manage to have a lot of fun with the car despite the fact that we were driving a car with a steering on the wrong side, on the wrong side of the road. Despite being 5.14 metres long and 1.95 metres wide, the A8L is terribly nimble on its feet. The 1.29 crore A8 is hell bent on taking the fhmindia.com

(FROM LEFT TO RIGHT): PLUSH INTERIORS COUPLED WITH COMFORTABLE SEATS MAKE THIS CAR A TRUE WINNER, MATRIX LED HEADLIGHTS ARE A TRUE STUNNER, WOOD FINISH CENTRE CONSOLE GIVES THE CABIN A POSH FEEL, BANG AND OLUFSEN SPEAKERS GIVE A TRUE EAR-GASMIC EXPERIENCE!

Car Specs AUDI A8 L Price: `1.12 crore (ex-show Delhi) Engine: V6 diesel engine Transmission: 8 speed tiptronic Power: 250 BHP Displacement: 2967 CC

MAN FA

BOOK YOUR AC8T L IN

91,908

fight to the BMW 7 Series that costs `1.03 crore and the king of the hill - the Mercedes Benz S Class which carries a price tag of `1.36 crore. At most levels the A8 isn’t an entirely new car but a facelift one with major design changes. It’s slightly heavier than the version it replaces but Audi has decided to plonk a 4.2 litre diesel that generates 385 hp into the bay apart from the standard 4 litre petrol (churning out 435 hp) and 3 litre diesel which churns out 250 hp. All engines have been re-tuned to fhmindia.com

generate 35 bhp more than the previous 3 litre diesel and 15 bhp more for the 4 litre petrol. All options have Quattro, Audi Drive Select option and adaptive air suspension as standard. The interiors apart from the customizable options are a properly luxurious place to be in. There are a wide range of options for the front seats including ventilation and a five programme massage system. But for the rear seat where most of the action will happen in fhmindia ē fhmindia

the A8 you can choose from a executive package, upgrade your Bose music system to a Bang & Olufsen, a park assist, panoramic sunroof and even more excitingly – a head-up display. The A8L is more than equipped to take the fight to the S-Class, the only shame is its too good a car to sit in the backseat of. It wins that rounds over the S-Class, it makes you want to take over the steering. Let’s hope their demographic feels the same. June 2014

Words: Kabeer Sharma

VARIATIONS

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11

Test drive

BMW 320D GRAN TURISMO

The 3 Series GT is a lot of things but it ain’t the half way house of anyone.

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he Chinese are strange people. Apart from what they’ve done to the electronics market, they have also done something strange to the automotive market – they have forced luxury car manufacturers to increase their wheelbase to suit the them. Why a country where the average male height is between 5 ft 5 and 5 ft 8 would need more leg room than Germany where the average male height is about 5 ft 10 inches is anybody’s guess. But sometimes, it throws up rather spectacular treats – like the 3-Series Gran Turismo.

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The 3 Series GT is based on the longer wheelbase 3-Series which is sold in China and is a car that not just sits pretty between the 3-Series and the 5-Series, it also sits pretty between a sedan and a hatch and yet it’s not what Indians hate from their core – a station wagon or what they love to bits – an SUV. Even then it’s a truly spectacular car. The general consensus amongst hacks have been to call it a half way house between the 3 Series and the 5 Series which is neither charitable nor entirely true. The fact is that the larger GT concept is something unfamiliar to us. Try telling some of fhmindia ē fhmindia

the new owners of these cars that they are built for long-distance cruising and they will look at you with a question mark hanging over their head – isn’t a sedan for cruising and an SUV for the times when you need to load in a lot of luggage? So then what does the GT do? Not much in this scenario – which is great for precisely the same reason it’s bad - it is its very own car. Its wheel base is bigger than the 3-Series (almost 300 mm longer), it’s taller and you get a lot more space in the cabin for the six odd lakhs you spend on it over the top end 3-series. The car is close to 200 mm longer than fhmindia.com

CLASSIC GTs

TOYOTA 2000 GT, LAUNCHED IN ‘65, SHOWED THE WORLD THAT JAPS COULD MAKE A PROPER SPORTSCAR

1962 FERRARI GTO IS A CLASSIC GRAN TURISMO, WITH TOTAL NUMBER OF PRODUCTION STANDING AT 39 UNITS

Car Specs BMW 3 SERIES GT Price `42.75 (Ex-Show Delhi) Torque: 380 Nm Mileage: 16 kmpl Transmission: 8 Speed AT Displacement : 1995 CC

the 3-Series, the seat heights have been raised to almost the same height as the X1. True, the acceleration has suffered thanks to carrying around the extra weight but the 100 still comes up in 7.9 seconds as opposed to 6.1 in the 3-Series Sport. Currently available only in diesel, the 320 D comes with a 2 litre engine mated with an 8 speed automatic transmission (this is the same engine that runs the 5-series) and you can choose between its three driving modes – Eco Pro, Comfort and Sport. The GT comes with frameless doors, which is our second most favourite kind of doors after fhmindia.com

gull-wing and the interior has acres of space over its entry-level sedan sibling. On the boot lid sits a first of its kind active rear spoiler for a BMW. It automatically deploys at 110 kmph, increasing downforce, lending the car more stability at high speeds. Apart from the standard equipment that you come to expect on a BMW – it has Dynamic Stability Control, Dynamic Traction Control, Cornering break control and six airbags. The general complaint from the GT is that its on board iDrive screen is smaller and seems less premium than the 3-Series, but the minute you fhmindia ē fhmindia

retract the panoramic sunroof all of that seems to melt away, unless of course it’s as sunny as it is these days in which case you are screwed. The larger wheel base, though, has inspired comments that the GT isn’t as stable while cornering as the 3-Series but we were unable to verify this on our short drive. As for the question you always wait for us to answer before you buy a new car (sic) – should you get it? Well, for just Rs 3.5 lakhs less than the 5-Series you get a different non-run-of-themill pulling-out-of-all-driveways BMW. So why not? June 2014

Words: Kabeer Sharma

BENTLEY CONTINENTAL GT, INITIALLY LAUNCHED IN 2003, IS THE FIRST BENTLEY TO BE MASS PRODUCED

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12

Ride Away

TRIUMPH

SPEED TRIPLE Tom Cruise rode one, so did Pam Anderson and Angelina Jolie, it’s time FHM had a go.

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here are two bike nuts in the FHM team (one now, the other one moved pastures last month) and several discussions over endless cigarettes and Parle Gs of late have involved Triumph. You see, we’re fan boys here at FHM which is why we are deeply concerned about the British bike manufacturer. First, they arrived late, second, the dealership network is still not in place (but they are working on it), and last but not the least, the buzz that they had created during the Auto Expo two years ago by launching of 10 drool-inducing models has somewhat died. So, the day we rode the Speed Triple, the task was simple – to explore whether this would be the bike that would do it for Triumph. Which is why we are happy to report that the Speed Triple is a devastatingly good, no frills man bike. No matter how old you are, how mundane your life is or how hassled you have been all week, when you ride a Speed Triple, the boy in you comes kicking out. And, there are several reasons for it. Needless, to say it has speed, its exceptional handling, build quality but what’s even more amazing is the pure ease of it all. Somehow it just makes sense. There is not one thing out of place. Generally sales representatives of manufacturers insist on giving you a pre-test ride spiel, when they explain in painful often excruciating detail about how you need to press the clutch, wait for that indicator near the speedometer to turn green or for that blue light to check for the ABS. With the Speed Triple, they give you just two instructions -

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first, it’s a very heavy bike so you need to be extra careful with the speed and handling. Second, keep safe distance with other commuters on the road because they tend to come too close in their hunt for a picture and toss you the key. In times when bikes are competing with sportscars for buttons and cup holders – Speed Triple is a phenomenally uncomplicated bike. That said, FHM ’s first five minutes on this bike were spent just getting used to the weight of it, which is 214 kgs (it’s still lighter than most of the sports bike like a Suzuki V-Storm 1000), which means on U-turns, you pretty much end up reversing it like a car. Once you get somewhat used to the weight 70...80...100..120 kmph come up in quick time. The downside in the ride was that, on our test drive commuters on the Delhi-Jaipur highway got too close for comfort while trying to take a picture. The Triple as we found out first hand is quite the amatuer Papparazzi favourit. Compared to the last three motorcyles we rode - Suzuki Inazuma, Indian Chief Classic and Harley Street 750 the brakes of Triple were the sanest. The bike is stable, and even if you ride it recklessly while cruising on the highway while your driver plays catch up in your Bimmer, it gives you a huge amount of confidence, and that’s why we liked it. The headlight of the Triple downplays its dimensions – which is a good thing or a terrible one, depending which side of the fence you are on. In all, Speed Triple, is a damn good weekend bike, a huge ego boost for manic monday.

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Bike Specs SPEED TRIPLE ABS Price: `10.4 ex-showroom Torque: 111NM @ 7750 Engine type: Liquidcooled, 12 valve, DOHC, inline 3 cylinder Gearbox: 6 speed Displacement : 1050cc

THE PULSE OF NUDE BIKES IS IN ITS HEADLIGHT

THE SIMPLISTIC SPEEDOMETER WAS AN INSTANT HIT WITH US

Words: Kumar Saurav

ITS REAR IS WHAT MAKES THE TRIPLE STAND OUT

IT’S A POWERHOUSE, THE SIDE PROFILE SAYS IT ALL

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Cabin porn

THE MAN WHO MADE A

SEE THROUGH CABIN Well, almost! Meet Phillip K Smith III who made his cabin disappear!

How did you come up with this idea? I’ve owned this 5-acre property for about 9 years. I would come up several times a year to visit to spend time out in the raw of the desert. It was only about 8 months ago or so that I finally decided that it was time to do something on the property. And so, when I sat down to draw what I wanted to create, I drew what you see at Lucid Stead almost immediately. The idea had been slowly brewing for 9 years unconsciously. When it was time to conceptualise the project, I knew exactly what i wanted it to be. 38

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How is the project powered? Hot Purple Energy in Palm Springs donated a 6-panel solar array. This was a really important aspect of the overall project. I worked hard to ensure that there were no visible connections, no screws, nothing that explained clearly how the project actually existed. This allowed the experience to be very pure. The energy source of the lighting was part of this. I didn’t want the hum of a generator to pull you away from the purity of the experience. Solar power not only ensured efficient, clean energy, but, most importantly for this project, quiet energy. fhmindia ē fhmindia

What is on the inside of the shack? Lucid Stead is an exterior experience. At the interior of the shack are custom built electronic boards and Arduino with custom programming that sets the pace of the color change and the particular movement from specific color to specific color. Was the shack existing? Yes. When I purchased the 5-acre property, it came with the existing shack. It is believed to have been built in the 1940’s as a homesteader shack. The project has really been a fhmindia.com

MAN FA

FUTURISTIC ACIRT PLANE HA BUS TRANSPARENST CABIN

What do you intend to do with the shack? Building a project of this scale, as the artist, you have particular expectations. You hope this or that experience will happen as planned…or that a particular effect will be revealed as intended. With Lucid Stead, I can say that all of my expectations were met and they were also far surpassed. Entire projects and new concepts have been revealed to me. So, to answer the fhmindia.com

question…my intent is to study what I have made. It is my goal to spend time with the project and to document it fully through photography, drawing, writing, and other methods. This is much of the reason why I have decided to rent a property just a ½ mile from Lucid Stead, which will be my Joshua Tree studio outpost for the next year. Will there be more Lucid Steads? While inquiries from various institutions might warrant the purchase, moving or reconstruction of Lucid Stead, I am not fhmindia ē fhmindia

interested in creating duplicates of this project due to its site specific nature in the desert of Joshua Tree. With that said, there are Lucid Stead based concepts that could be carried to new sites that could inform new, site specific installations. Whether that next project is a 20’ high x 8’ wide mirrored surface that becomes a hovering plane of light or a converted shack on Martha’s Vineyard that employs corten and plate glass, that is yet to be defined. Ultimately, I am interested in furthering the concepts of “Lucid Stead” via the specifics of new locations across the globe. June 2014

Words: Kumar Saurav

collaboration with the 70 year-old structure. The splitting wood, the bent nails, the dimensions of the openings are all untouched.

When I purchased the 5-acre property, it came with the existing shack. It is believed to have been built in the 1940’s as a homesteader shack.

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14 FHM Hero

FHM BOMBARDS

CAGE Face-Off, Con-Air, Gone in 60 Seconds…odds are a man’s list of all time favourite movies will have a Nicolas Cage movie on it. So it really doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why we would jump at the chance of an interview.

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hen FHM meets one of its favourite Hollywood actors for all time what happens? You’d reckon some smashing conversation, some rounds of beer followed by body shots? Yeah. That didn’t happen, but we still managed to chat with him about his motorsports career and certifiably insane fans. What is the weirdest thing a fan has said to you? I was in Romania, which is near Transylvania and there was this woman jumping up in the

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air and trying to bite me on my neck. She really made me nervous and then she came to the airport with her passport in her hand thinking that she was going to board the plane with me. That was crazy! That is pretty nuts. But have you ever thought about what you’d do if you were not an actor? My first love is the ocean, I knew that if I was not going to make it as an actor I had to do something on the water, whether it was a be a fisherman or be a merchant marine on the boat, I just wanted to be on water and may be like Herman Melville writing the great ‘Moby

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ch is i h w , a i n a m I was insRyolvania and theruep near Traisn woman jumpinbgite me was thair and trying to in the neck. on my

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LEFT BEHIND

HIS BEST FILMS

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VALLEY GIRL

MOONSTRUCK

RAISING ARIZONA

THE ROCK

FACEOFF

LEAVING LAS VEGAS

June 2014

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Dick’, or try to fantasise that I could be like that great writer – that of course is probably stretching it. Would you have ever thought about taking up a sport? Well, I do enjoy motor sports, I used to race a little bit out of Villa Springs, California and I think if I was in any kind of sport it would be car on a motorboat racing. Which is also one of the reasons I was very happy to launch the new Audi A8L. The second was that I grew up with an Audi in my family. My grandfather had an Audi and I have great memories in that car with my granddad, so I am very happy to do this. If given the chance where would you drive it? In Mumbai no doubt. I want to be seen through the streets of Mumbai in this car and I have already got my colour picked out! But since the motorsports career is not happening, you can tell us how your cinema career kicked off. Well, it all began when I saw James Dean in a movie East of Eden, directed by Elia Kazan. I was 15, and I realised the power of film performance and had no doubt in my mind that is exactly what I wanted to do. Then I went off and worked in a movie theatre, I sold popcorn and tickets and I looked at the movies, and then I thought about how am I going go from this – to that. Thankfully it all worked out. Were there any other role models apart from James Dean? I loved Marlon Brando my father took me to see Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon when I was a child and that was amazing. I have had a lot of influences. Did you also have multiple mentors? Sean Connery was a great mentor for me when we were doing ‘The Rock’. I used to walk with him to the sets and refer to him as ‘Maestro’and ‘Sir Michael Caine’. So, I have had some great people to work with. Do you have a favourite co-star? I can’t pick one to be honest. I loved working with Sean, I loved working with Angelina and I loved working with Joaquin Phoenix. Come to think of it I have been blessed to work with some really talented people. So, which is your favourite movie outside of a Nicolas Cage movie? I am still amazed by what Stanley Kubrick was able to accomplish with 2001 back in those days. I mean you still look at the movie now; it is just like virtual reality, what he could do with the technology then, just blows my mind. And was there a movie you have had the most amount of fun shooting? I made this movie years ago with Sarah Jessica Parker called Honeymoon in Vegas and we were in a beautiful part of fhmindia.com

HIS GREATEST MEMES Amos & Andrew

Trapped in Paradise

Ghost Rider

The Wicker Man

I JUST NEEDED TO BE INVITED, SO ALL YOU YOUNG FILMMAKERS OUT THERE AND OLDER FILMMAKER, JUST GIVE ME A CALL. I FLY DOWN TO DO A MOVIE WITH YOU. Hawaii, Kauai and then we went to Las Vegas and we all had a very good time and I think that was the most fun I ever had shooting a movie. But you are known for action, so the Nicolas Cage we see jumping over cars and firing bullets – is he the real deal or a stunt double? I try to do all my stunts as far as possible – well as many as the studio will let me do. There are some stunts they just do not want any actor to do because they want you to finish their movie as they have got a lot invested in it. But I try to do all my stunts. So, when you do go to see one of my movies, it is most often me doing those things. Have you heard much about Indian cinema? NC: Well, I do want to make a movie in India and do the dance where they change the light bulb. I like changing light bulbs and petting puppies. They are my favourite things to do! Nicolas Cage, in a Bollywood movie. Yes, or No? Unequivocally yes, I want to make a movie in India and I want to have that experience and I want to see what great Indian director can do with me and what fhmindia.com

I do in terms of performance and I want to have an experience being in the culture and being in the place, I am sure that would inspire me. I just needed to be invited, so all you young filmmakers out there and older filmmaker, just give me a call. I fly down to do a movie with you. Any plans to come down to India in the near future even just for a visit or for a holiday? Well, I must and it is something that I haven’t had a chance to do yet, I came close I almost did a movie called Darjeeling Limited, my cousin wrote the script for it along with Wes Anderson. I think I might just go on a holiday with my family, I think that would be the best way for me to go for the first time. What would you want to see? Well, I want to see all of it, I want to experience all of it. The magic of India, the culture and learn something and of course all the food is divine, I love the lamb, the naan bread and the tikka and yes I am very passionate about Indian food.

Nicolas Cage was present to launch the Audi A8L in Dubai. fhmindia ē fhmindia

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15

Game Geek

OVERDOSE ON MAGIC MUSHROOMS In 1981, when Nintendo’s landlord rapped on the company’s door demanding overdue rent, the world came close to losing a legend. But that landlord, one Mario Segale, would become the namesake of a 2D, overall-wearing, moustachioed plumber who would go on to sell more games than your brain can deal with. Mario had arrived, and a new generation of character gaming was born. Fast-forward 33 years and Mario’s gone from an 8-bit left-to-right-running mass of pixels to a hand-gliding, shell-flinging 3D petrolhead, taking the wheel in Mario Kart 8 – a game that’s had FHM gnawing its nails in excitement. We’ve been promised underwater levels, anti-gravity, new characters and floating bikes. But at the heart of it remains the most immensely playable racing game to ever work out our thumbs. “Even when you lose, you’re still having fun,” says Gavin Murphy from top gaming site CVG. “And you can play it whenever. I play it when I’m hammered, but I can lose to my cousins on it, too. Everyone has a Mario story.”

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A brief history

1993 Super Mario Kart (SNES) puts Mario and seven other characters behind the wheel for the first time.

2014 Mario Kart 8 (Wii U) goes bonkers, adding anti-gravity and buggies into the mix.

1996 Super Mario 64 (N64) welcomes Wario to the line-up, as well as 3D graphics and the golden mushroom.

2011 Mario Kart 7 (3DS) puts you right behind the wheel, letting the player view in first person.

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2001 Mario Kart: Super Circuit (Game Boy Advance) enters the handheld system, taking Mario mobile.

2008 Mario Kart Wii introduces mushrooms to make you big and thunder clouds to make you small.

2003 Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GameCube) sees two players per kart, and the arrival of Waluigi and King Boo.

2005 Mario Kart DS (Nintendo DS) allows struggling racers to use the Bullet Bill power-up to gain a few places.

fhmindia.com

THE INFLIGHT MAGAZINE

Volume VIII | Issue IV | June 2014

www.spiceroutemag.com

80 104 130

KEEPING FIT CY-YO, the new wellness mantra

SUMMER FUN Interesting craft ideas for children

DAD’S WORLD Celebrating Father’s Day with Chef Kunal Kapur

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE 2014

WORLD CUP BRAZUCA Brazuca the match ball of the 2014 WC has 135,000 twitter followers

CAXIROLA 22.00 The rattle was banned after being used as a missile, forcing a friendlier version

BALOTELLI FIFA has banned players from displaying messages under their tees.

14-16 BN USD is the amount this world cup has cost which is more than the last two world cups put together

35 MN USD

is the amount that the winner of the World Cup will take home.

MESSI Valued at 139.6 mn Euro, Messi is the most expensive footballer at WC.

SAMBA At 507.8 mn Euro, Brazil is the most expensive team at the WC.

KLOSE Germany was not impressed by Brazil’s facilities created a complex which is named Campo Bahia which contains 13 houses and 65 rooms. fhmindia.com

CLAUDIA LEITTE The official WC song will be performed by Pitbull, J.Lo and Claudia Leite fhmindia ē fhmindia

Klose has scored 14 goals at the WC and eyeing Ronaldo’s 15 goal record.

FLIP FOR MORE June 2014

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WHEN YOU HAVE REACHED THE SEMI-FINAL OF ALL RECENT TOURNAMENTS YOU ARE ALREADY AMONG THE FAVOURITES. AN ALL GERMAN CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL, LAST YEAR HAS BOOSTED OUR CONFIDENCE PHILIPP LAHM, GERMAY

FAB FOUR TO PUT YOUR MONEY ON FO R THE

WORLD CUP

ARGENTINA, BRAZIL, GERM AN PICK. BUT WHAT’S NEW YO Y AND SPAIN ARE OUR U ASK? LOOK INSIDE! 48

June 2014

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I THINK WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT SHOW... ESPECIALLY WITH THE SUPPORTERS AND FANS - A VERY IMPORTANT WEAPON IN OUR HANDS. NEYMAR, BRAZIL

WE KNOW THAT BRAZIL ARE THE FAVOURITES BUT WE ARE WELL PREPARED AND OF COURSE OUR AMBITION IS TO RETAIN THE WORLD CUP.

FOR US IT WILL BE IMPORTANT TO WIN THE FIRST GAME, TO START WELL, TO GIVE THE TEAM CONFIDENCE BECAUSE IT CALMS YOU TO WIN THE FIRST GAME.

XAVI, SPAIN

MESSI, ARGENTINA fhmindia.com

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DIE MANNSCHAFT

GERMANY

By reaching the semifinal or the final in the last four major tournaments and then consistently failing to win a cup is Joachim Loew’s main headache. But the good news is that in the past five years, they have lost just three matches. No doubt Germany have the most balanced team with shotstopper Manuel Neuer and the world’s best fullback Philipp Lahm. The team is also gifted with midfielders like Bastian Schweinsteiger, Mario Goetze, Toni Kroos, Mesut Ozil who create chances and score goals. But unfortunately they still rely too much on veteran trigger man Miroslav Klose, while others just fill in the empty slots. They may not have the most agile defenders but Mats Hummels and Per Mertesacker are rock solid.

MANUEL NEURER

uer With Nipep Lahm e v il and Phy may just haide in s Germanst balancedent, the mothe tournam ely too still r lose y e h t t bu uch on K m BASTIAN SCHWEINSTEIGER

PHILIPP LAHM

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CONSISTENCY PERSONIFIED

Adidas AG is the longstanding kit provider to the German team, a sponsorship that began in 1954. This German brand was founded by Adolf Dassler in 1924.

Franz Beckenbauer is the only player in the history of World Cup to have won the title as a player and coach for Germany. He led Germany to their title in 1974 as a player and than again won the title in 1990 as the Germany coach.

Lothar Matthaus, considered one of the greatest defenders ever, has the most caps for Germany - a ridiculous 150! He played on the national side from 1980-2000.

Germany is the only country to have won both the men’s and women’s World Cups. The women, in fact, have won the last two World Cups. fhmindia ē fhmindia

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LA FURIA ROJA

DIEGO COSTA

SPAIN

Ever since 2006, Spain have been tagged as chokers but now they are looking at creating history by breaking their own record by winning four consecutive international tournaments. The extremely talented team is a well oiled machine and even played matches in the Euro 2012 without a striker. Spoilt for choice with a variety of mid fielders like Andres Iniesta, Xavi, Cesc Fàbregas and Pedro and with defensive leaders Iker Casillas, Gerard Pique and Sergio Ramos, Spain looks like a team which can tackle all challenges. It would be wrong to say that Spain don’t have good strikers but the injuries and lacking form has made players as Fernando Torres, Fernando Llorente and David Villa liabities. There is Alvaro Negredo but he too is not a natural fit. Manager Vicente del Bosque has ensured that the Barcelona-Real Madrid rivalry has not resulted in the team’s self destruction as has kept the unit focussed only on winning. Now the pressure in on del Bosque to choose the correct combination to defend their World Cup title.

IKER CASILLAS

ANDRÉS INIESTA

SPAIN’S KNIGHTS IN SHINING TIGHTS

Fernando Torres started out as a goalkeeper but quickly made the switch after losing his two front teeth, going down to collect a ball.

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FIFA ranked Spain 1st before the 2010 World Cup - it was the only team ever to have reached number 1 without winning the World Cup.

Juan Mata, who bagged three goals in Spain’s qualification, studied to become a journalist, while playing for Real Madrid reserves.

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Iker Casillas was so young when he broke into Real Madrid team that he had to use public transport to get to training, he was too young to drive.

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NEYMAR OSCAR

BRAZIL

SAMBA BOYS Being at home will give them an advantage, or at least that is what history suggests. Also one can’t ignore the fact that every World Cup in South America has been won by a South American team. There is plenty of depth, quality and experience starting from goalkeeper Julio Cesar to defenders Thiago Silva, David Luiz and Dani Alves. Front men Neymar, Fred and Hulk have tasted victory by winning the Confederations Cup last year and now they know how to handle pressure. Manager Luiz Felipe Scolari too has the experience of winning the World Cup but his current team lacks blue collared mid fielders who made the difference.

DAVID LUIZ

Bo year’slstered by la st C Cup titonfederation manag le, Brazil’s s focuss ement hav thingsed on keepine a g squad round the calm.

FIVE-TIME WORLD CUP WINNERS

Brazil is the only soccer team to win 5 World Cup tournaments, with the hope of winning a sixth in 2014 when they host the FIFA World Cup.

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Ronaldo became the all-time highest goal scorer in World Cup events in the year 2006, when he outnumbered German legend Gerd Muller.

Pele is the most successful World Cup player, winning the title 3 different times with Brazil.

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Cafu holds the joint record with French legend Zinedine Zidane for picking up the most cards at World Cups. He was booked a record six times.

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ARGENTINA

LA ALBICELESTE The team is not all about Messi, contrary to the public perception. There are many stellar world class performers like Gonzalo Higuain, Sergio Aguero, Erik Lamela, Angel Di Maria and Rodrigo Palacio. No other team can flaunt or even match up to Argentina’s attacking options. The mid field might look thin but with the experience of Javier Mascherano and Pablo Zabaleta, they have a solid cover to their goal post. Attack has always been their best defence and it looks like history is about to repeat itself.

GOD’S OWN TEAM

Gabriel Batistuta is Argentina’s all-time leading scorer with 56 goals. He played from 1991-2002, racking up 78 caps along the way.

Along with France, Argentina is the only team to win the World Cup, Confederations Cup and Olympics.

LIONEL MESSI

In 1986 World Cup Diego Maradona show-cased his street urchin powers by the ëHand of Godí effort, which is one of the most controversial goals in history.

SERGIO AGUERO fhmindia.com

ANGEL DI MARIA fhmindia ē fhmindia

Goalkeeper Sergio Goycochea has the record of most penalty saves in a World Cup: 5 in 1990 Italy. June 2014

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BELGIUM:

With world-class youngsters such as Eden Hazard, Romelu Lukaku and Thibaut Courtois, this team can dispose many powerhouses. Spain and Italy are potential opponents in the last eight, so get ready for some possible upsets.

FRANCE:

DARK HORSES IN THE RACE THE FOUR JOKERS IN THE PACK WHO MIGHT SPOIL THE FAVOURITES’ PARTY IN BRAZIL

RUSSIA

PORTUGAL

The Italian who ruffled many feathers during his stay in England is an astute reader of the game. Having kept superstars and huge egos on a tight leash at England, AC Milan and Real Madrid, he certainly knows how to get the boys working.

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June 2014

Unpredictability has been their downfall. They have failed to go beyond group stage in 2002 and 2010. With players like Franck Ribery, Karim Benzema and Paul Pogba at their disposal and a kind draw, they can go all the way to the final.

Qualifying the group stage will not be a problem but beating the best in knock out phase will be a real test for the team. Tagged as chokers when it matters, the formula for success will be wearing Cristiano Ronaldo’s jersey.

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TOP PLAYERS TO MISS THE WORLD CUP PETR Cech has played each and every qualifying match for Czech republic but conceded nine goals in 10 matches as his side finished third.

CALL IT FATE BUT THESE SUPER STARS WILL BE MERE SPECTATORS THIS WORLD CUP

THEO Walcott had a strong season for Arsenal but it was cut short with a left knee injury. Unfortunately due to this the English winger will miss the World Cup.

ROBERT Lewandowski could not book a berth for his team to Brazil. Though at a friendly game they held against Germany, Poland lacked consistency and finished last.

ZLATAN Ibrahimovic missed out after the Swedes failed to qualify. Last heard some players were signing a petition to get Zlatan to Brazil.

IT was the same old story for Gareth Bale as Wales failed to qualify for the World Cup despite boasting of brilliant names in the line-up.

THE BETTING ODDS, JUST IN CASE

BRAZIL 11/4 fhmindia.com

ARGENTINA 9/2

GERMANY 11/2 fhmindia ē fhmindia

BELGIUM 18/1 June 2014

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SERGIO AGÜERO HIS PLAY WITH MESSI COULD BE ARGENTINA’S GREATEST EDGE Argentina have a very strong attacking squad with Messi, Higuain and you. Do you think your team has an edge over others, especially the European teams? We are confident that we have the players to win The World Cup – of course we are. I am not sure if we have an edge over the European teams, though. I think people are trying to make a big thing about a European team having never won The World Cup in South America – but teams like Germany and Spain are capable of winning anywhere. How excited are you for Brazil? I think if you speak to any professional football player – they will tell you playing in a World Cup is as good as it gets. Do you think it’s unfair that Brazil is touted as the favourites to win the World Cup and Argentina is made to play catch up? I don’t think it is unfair – Brazil has a very strong team – and with the tournament being played in Brazil I think it is only natural that they are favourites. Sometimes, though, being the favourites is not the best thing – it can create pressure. You and Messi have played for Argentina for a long time. Do you think the hype around Messi, being the world’s best player, is justified especially when there is a certain Cristiano Ronaldo in the picture? I think often people want to compare Messi and Ronaldo – but it is not fair because they are both great players who will go down in history. For me Messi is the best player I have ever seen or played with though. Manchester City have struggled to show their class in champions league. What do you think the team lacks? I don’t think we lack anything. It

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is still a new competition for the club – and every season I expect us to get stronger and progress further in it. This season has been the tale of two Manchester managers - Manuel Pellegrini and David Moyes. From being champions, United have crumbled while City has gone from strength to strength. What is the secret behind City’s success? I don’t think there is any secret. We have great players in all positions over the field – and a world class manager, who the players all like and want to play for. You have had a terrific season even though you have been injured off and on. What makes you a nightmare for defenders as you are literally unstoppable when is comes to scoring goals? I train hard and have been playing well – but it would not be possible without my team-mates. I play with some of the best players in the world at Manchester City – and they help create many goals for me. There are talks that Real Madrid are planning to make you their prime target during summer transfer. How big a temptation will that be for you? I am very happy at Manchester City – I am happy with my team mates and the coach – and believe we can go on and win many more trophies. It is very exciting for the team. But all that after the WORLD CUP.

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FOR ME MESSI ISN’T JUST THE BEST IN THE WORLD – BUT THE BEST I HAVE EVER PLAYED WITH

WHAT SETS HIM APART!

BOASTS OF MARADONA AS DAD-IN-LAW

FAMOUS FOR SCORING IN EXTRA TIME

PLAYS AS A PERFECT SECOND STRIKER

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LUIS

SUÁREZ WITH 31 GOALS IN LAST SEASON’S PREMIER LEAGUE CAMPAIGN, URUGUAY’S FRONTMAN IS SET TO SIZZLE AT THIS EDITION OF WORLD CUP

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Now I have the chance to go and do something special for my country.

SUAREZ ON THE FIELD

ENTERTAINS WITH HIS ANTICS

HIGHEST GOALSCORER FOR URUGUAY

KNOWS HOW TO SCORE FROM NOWHERE

You have never been far from controversy, but this season people have been talking about you as one of the best players in the world. What changed? I will admit that I have made mistakes, but I don’t want to keep looking back. This season has been a good season for me personally and also for Liverpool. Now I have the chance to go and do something special for my country at The World Cup – and it is a chance that I want to take. Do you feel that sometimes you are treated unfairly because of your reputation? It is not something that I have any control over. All I can do is play my best for Liverpool and Uruguay, and hope that most people can leave my mistakes in the past where they belong. Uruguay go into The World Cup with one of their best squads in recent history, what are your expectations from Brazil? I don’t want to set specific fhmindia.com

targets, but what is the point of turning up at The World Cup if you don’t aim to win it. I am not saying it will be easy, but with the quality of the squad we have, we have to at least believe that it is possible. Who will be your main rivals at The World Cup? Of course there are many good teams who will think they have a real chance, but I think you need to look at Brazil and Spain. Brazil have a good team and have the big advantage of playing at home, and of course Spain have been setting the level at international football for a lot of years now. Liverpool will be back in The Champions League next season – how big is that for you? It is very important for the club and the fans. The Champions League is where I want to be playing – and it is where this club should be playing. We have a strong tradition in the competition – and it is one I hope to win in my career. fhmindia ē fhmindia

It is a long season with all the games for Liverpool then The World Cup, how will you relax after it is all over? I will go and have a nice vacation on a beach with my family, but I don’t even think of the season as being long. It is THE WORLD CUP! For a player there is nothing more exciting that representing your country there. How are you enjoying life in England? I am very happy – the only problem is my tiny little daughter now speaks better English than me. When I say something incorrectly she is like “papa that is not how you say it.” What are your aspirations for next season? I think Liverpool is now at the level where they will compete for any competition that they are in. It is very exciting that we will be back playing in Europe next season – but I just want to do well for Liverpool in all competitions. June 2014

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MANUEL NEUER WITH A RECORD-BREAKING YEAR AT MUNICH, THE GERMAN NUMBER 1 IS IN HIS FULL FORM TO WIN MORE ACCOLADES FOR HIS COUNTRY

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AT THE WORLD CUP IT IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT TO GET OFF TO A GOOD START

Your first game at The World Cup is against Cristiano Ronaldo’s Portugal, how important will that game be? At the World Cup it is always important to get off to a good start. In 2010 we got off to a great start – and if you open the group with a win, it puts you in a great position to progress. Ronaldo is just one of the many great players Portugal have and it will not be an easy game – but we are hopeful of a win. Do you think it is a given that Germany and Portugal will be the teams to progress out of Group G? I don’t think anything is a given. Both USA and Ghana did very well and got out of their groups in 2010 – and they will believe they have a real chance again. We have got three very difficult games in the group stage – and we will need to be at our best if we want to win the group, which is of course our aim. Germany are a nation with great tradition at The World Cup – how do you handle the pressure? Football is the number one sport in our nation – so of course people’s expectations are always going to be high. We have a great coach and great players – and our aim is to meet the expectations of our fans. Nothing but winning the tournament would be considered a success. No European team has ever won The World Cup in South America – is that something you are thinking about? Not at all – of course the weather conditions are going to be something we have to adjust to – but as professional players that is just something we have to deal with.

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Europe has some very strong national sides at the moment – so to discount us just because it has never been done before is not sensible. There is always the chance of a penalty shoot-out once you are out of the group stage – do you give extra attention to that in training? As a goalkeeper, of course, penalties is something I practice in training anyway – but during The World Cup where a shoot-out becomes more likely, it is something you specifically need to practice for. Not just me as a goalkeeper – but also the outfield players who would be taking the penalties put in a lot of practice on the training ground. But, you can put in all the practice you want – but nothing will prepare you for a penalty shootout in a World Cup Final. You have had a long season for Bayern Munich fighting for all competitions – how do you make sure you don’t tire yourself out before Brazil? This is The World Cup we are talking about – it is the biggest prize in football – and you only get to play in it once every four years. Tiredness is not even a thought – everybody is excited to represent their country in such a great competition. After The World Cup is over you can go and have a relaxing vacation with your family – but during the tournament you are just running on adrenaline and excitement. What will you do during down time in Brazil? When you are not training or playing a game, is important to rest for the next challenge. I really like to listen to the band U2 – so I will put some music on and just relax in my hotel room.

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THE SAFEST HANDS IN THE WORLD CUP!

BOASTS OF UNMATCHED REFLEXES

SUPER QUICK WITH BALL COLLECTION AND DISTRIBUTION

AT 28, FIT AND YOUNG ENOUGH TO SEE HIS TEAM THROUGH EVERY MINUTE OF THE WORLD CUP

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EDEN HAZARD ALL EYES WILL BE ON THIS BELGIAN WONDERKID, WHO IS KNOWN TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF ANY GAME WITH HIS ATTACK AND PACE A lot of people are talking about Belgium as being the dark horses to win The World Cup in Brazil – do you agree? Everybody is talking about this being a golden generation for Belgium – and yes, we have very good players; but we must also remember this is a very young team. We have got to try and stay down to earth – and not let the praise go to our heads. Are you saying Belgium cannot win The World Cup? I am saying the first thing we need to do is get out of the group – that must be our first goal. If we can do that then I think it would be a massive achievement for this generation – if we were able to make it to the quarter or semi-finals of The World Cup. You were unbeaten in your World Cup qualifying group, does that give you confidence going into the tournament itself? It was good to be unbeaten in qualifying because you are right it gives the team confidence when you are playing well. That means very little going into The World Cup though. We’ve done very well in our qualifying group – but Brazil will be another step up in quality. If we are able to get out of our group then we will be facing some of the strongest nations in the world – they will provide the real test for us. What does The World Cup mean to the people of Belgium? The people of Belgium love their football and this is the

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first World Cup we have qualified for in 12 years, so, of course the nation is very excited. We have many good players so expectations are high for this team, but as players it is important that we stay focussed and just take the tournament one step at a time. Many experts say that you are the top Belgium player and if they are to do well in Brazil, then you need to be at the top of your game. Is that added pressure on you? I think that is far from true, if we are to do well then we have to play well as a team. We have some of the best young players in Europe at the moment, it is not about me. I am not interested in personal glory at all; I am an unselfish player who just wants the team to do well. If I have to win a game on my own then I will – but it is the whole team who needs to perform well in Brazil. Is there pressure on you from the Belgium fans? Yes, there is pressure on me – they haven’t forgotten that Chelsea decided to pay 40 million euros for me. But, I am ok with the pressure. There is also pressure to achieve big things at Chelsea too– so I accept that there will be expectations of me with the national team as well. You are now one of the greatest players in the world, who was your hero, growing up? I loved Zidane, growing up – he was my role model. The way he played the game was amazing to watch. When he started saying nice things about the way I played, I almost could not believe it. I had to make sure a player like that saying such complementary things didn’t go to my head.

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THE BEST WINGER OUT THERE!

AN EVOLVING PLAYMAKER; CHELSEA WOULD SECOND THAT

WE’VE DONE VERY WELL IN OUR QUALIFYING GROUP – BUT BRAZIL WILL BE ANOTHER STEP UP IN QUALITY. SCORED 23 OF 71 GOALS FOR THE BLUES THIS SEASON

A SHARP PLAYER, WAS ON FRANCE’S RADAR FOR ITS NATIONAL TEAM

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[06]

FOOTBALL’S COMING HOME! SCREW BRAZIL: HOST THE WORLD CUP IN YOUR FRONT ROOM IN STYLE

[01] [07] [02]

[08]

[09] [10] [03]

[11]

[05]

[04]

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[12]

01 COOL DOWN Beer coolers are big and ugly. Until they’re stocked with ice-cold brews by your sofa, that is. Then they’re the most beautiful things ever. Coleman Xtreme 50 quart wheeled cooler, `9870, Blacks 02 SUCK THEM BACK Leave the standard lagers in the fridge door – this is a onceevery-four-years occurrence, like getting a double yolker or doing a sneeze fart, so crack open your greatest craft beer goodness. You deserve it. Sixpoint beers, `592 for two, JD Wetherspoon 03 TAKE YOUR SEATS No need to break open the shed for spare chairs. These guycushions will serve your friends’ rumps just fine. Cushions, `3,947 each, Obey at Urban Outfitters 04 FEEL THE BURN No football food spread should be without a solid, spicy dip. Drop hot sauce into Greek yogurt and watch your screaming mates fall silent for a good few minutes. Hot sauce, `527, doublekicksauce.com

[13]

05 COME TO THE CRUNCH A party lives and dies by its snack quality. Ditch the cheese balls and go for these new gold medalwinning posh crisps. The sweet potato, cheese and jalapeño ones are incredible. Crisps, prices vary, leightonbrown.co.uk

[14]

06 SUPPORT THE UNDERDOG And the award for best-looking kit at the World Cup with a slick ’80s totally on-trend jungle print goes to… Cameroon. Good work, Africa. Men’s Cameroon home jersey, `5920, puma.co.uk [15]

slide tackles with this impeccable sound set-up. Playbar, `59,100; Play:1 wireless speakers, `16,674 each, all sonos.com 09 LIGHT ’EM UP Nothing smells of victory quite like a mouthful of burning fermented tobacco served in a flip-flop ashtray, so look no further when toasting England’s triumphant win/miserable defeat (delete as appropriate). Cigars, prices vary, sauttercigars.com 10 NERD OUT Clear everything from your coffee table and put this nerdy-yet-cool book on tactics centre stage. Inverting The Pyramid by Jonathan Wilson, `888, orionbooks.co.uk 11 STICK AT IT Because we know you’re still having nightmares about being one Des Walker shiny away from completing your book as a kid. World Cup sticker book, `148, paninionline.com 12 HIT THE WALL An arty print containing 35 of the world’s best footy players in ’60s-style trading cards is exactly what your man-den needs. Football Legends print, `3,947, thefloodgallery.com 13 CRACK YOUR KEGS Don’t be a giant buzzkill and run out of booze by half-time: grab a couple of delicious emergency kegs and rest easy when the tinnies are finished. Mini casks, `3,157, for two, adnams.co.uk 14 SHOOT LIKE A BRAZILIAN The most popular spirit in the host nation, cachaça tastes a bit like rum, tequila and vodka. Ideal for settling some nerves when it goes to extra time at midnight yet again, then. Ypióca Cachaça, `1,875, Sainsbury’s

07 PROJECT THE FUTURE Even Messi will look like a 7ft Greek wrestler when he’s splashed up on your wall with a projector. This new one expands to a whopping 100 inches, works with 3D and projects upwards, so you don’t even need a huge room to use it. Philips Screeneo HD 3D projector, `1,47,996, Currys

15 WASH YOUR UNDIES Make sure your lucky boxers are fresh for match day. If you’re going to soil anything during the penalties, it should probably be these. Boxers, `2763, sunspel.com

08 RAISE THE ROOF Turkey’s Galatasaray fans hold the record for the loudest footy crowd roar ever, at 131 decibels – louder than a pneumatic drill. Hear all the chants and crunching

16 GET THE LITERATURE Who’d have thought the coolest football mags would come from the US of A? We’re still not calling it soccer, though. Magazines, 8by8mag.com

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YOU ARE A TRUE FOOTIE NUT, ONLY IF YOU PASS THIS

FHM FOOTBALL QUIZ 1

4

7

A 1

A BRAZIL

A FRANCE

B 0

B ARGENTINA

B ENGLAND

C 2

C SPAIN

B ARGENTINA

D 3

D FRANCE

D SPAIN

2

5

8

A BERN

A GREECE

A RUSSIA

B GERMANY

B SWEDEN

B UKRAINE

C ZURICH

C NORWAY

B POLAND

D BONN

D AUSTRIA

D BELARUS

3

6

9

A VENEZUELA

A LIONEL MESSI

A GERMANY

B JAMAICA

B GERRARD BUTLER

B GHANA

C HONDURAS

C CHRISTIANO RONALDO

B ARGENTINA

D GUYANA

D PHILIPP LAHM

D IRAN

How many times has England contested the World Cup final?

Which city hosted the 1954 World Cup Final, between West Germany and Hungary?

Which of these teams will play at the 2014 World Cup, being held in Brazil?

Which of these countries managed to finish in the top 4 at the 1982 World Cup Final?

Which of the following teams will play at the 2014 World Cup?

Which country won the FIFA Fair Play Award at the 1990 World Cup?

Which of these countries finished in the top 4 at the 1930 Word Cup?

Which of these countries has never played in a World Cup Final?

Who will USA face in their opening match of World Cup 2014?

CHECK YOUR SCORES AND FIND OUT IF YOU REALLY ARE A FOOTBALL NUT IF YOU SCORE: ABOVE 6 YOU ARE A CHAMP | 4-6 YOU ARE GETTING THERE | LESS THAN 4 STICK TO CRICKET

Answers: 1A, 2A, 3C, 4D, 5A, 6A, 7C, 8D, 9B 66

June 2014

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GAME CHANGERS

40 VIDEO GAMES THAT CHANGED THE WORLD 68

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THEY’VE BRUISED OUR THUMBS, BOLLOCKSED UP OUR EYESIGHT AND STOLEN OUR CHILDHOODS – AND WE LOVE THEM FOR IT. FHM RANKS THE MOST IMPORTANT VIDEO GAMES OF ALL DAMN TIME… 40

CRAZY TAXI (DREAMCAST) 1999

38

INTERNATIONAL SUPERSTAR SOCCER

35 SUPER METROID

34 BOMBERMAN

A combination of Mario’s platform jumping and the open-world roaming of Zelda, the cold and spooky Metroid games are nevertheless Nintendo’s most un-Nintendo-y franchise. Super Metroid, which was inspired by creator Gunpei Yokoi’s love of the Alien movies, is the best of the bunch.

Blowing shit up is great. Blowing your friends up while dressed as a spaceman is better. On the back of this infallible logic and combining multi-player action and puzzle solving, Bomberman has blasted its way on to almost every single console for nearly three decades.

(SNES) 1994

(NES) 1985

(NINTENDO 64) 1997 Producer Kenji Kanno’s original intention for the game was to reflect the daily routine of a cab driver. What we ended up with was the daily routine of a cab driver with a flagrant disregard for company policy and, quite possibly, live breaker-cables hooked up to his nipples. Adrenaline-fuelled lunacy.

Ditching realism in favour of soaring scorelines, button-mashing mayhem and Alan Partridgeesque commentary (“a decisive kick!”), it may not be as preened and pretty as its more recent rivals, but it still stands up today as an unbeatably fun kickabout.

39

37 NBA JAM

A game so manly, it’ll make you cry bacon bits. Based on 1982’s machismo-soaked masterpiece Conan The Barbarian, it features a speedoclad sword swinger called Ax Battler and a truly awesome 16-bit soundtrack that Example (among others) has name-checked as a musical influence.

(SEGA GENESIS) 1994

It takes something special to make the British public give a shit about basketball, and this was it. As an arcade game, it was the first to generate $1 billion in quarters and was also notorious for being so beloved by Shaquille O’Neal, he’d have machines shipped to wherever he was in the country.

36 GHOULS’N GHOSTS

(MEGA

DRIVE) 1989

Not just hard, but throw-thecontroller-at-the-wall-then-cryyourself-to-sleep hard. It involves you controlling a little cartoon man running desperately through a relentless hailstorm of weird, gothic shit and, 15 years after its release, it’s still considered the gold standard in difficulty.

MGS : ESSENTIALLY HIDE AND SEEK WITH GUNS

33

METAL GEAR SOLID (PLAYSTATION) 1998

The brief for the company who made MGS was simple: create the greatest PlayStation game ever. A lot of people think they succeeded. Pioneers of the now-massive stealth-action genre, the developers were also trained to use weapons and explosives by an actual Californian SWAT team, so they’d know how to make the gun play ‘feel’ real.

WHEN THE GAME WAS RELEASED ON MULTIPLE CONSOLES, WE’VE CHOSEN THE ONE (WE RECKON) IT WAS BEST ON fhmindia.com

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June 2014

Words Nick Pope, Mike Rampton Photography Andy Parsons

GOLDEN AXE (MEGA DRIVE) 1989

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31

THE DUCK HUNT DOG: THE OSAMA BIN LADEN OF 8-BIT TECHNOLOGY

32 DUCK HUNT (NES) 1987

Video games often divide opinion, but there’s one thing that we can all surely agree on: the Duck Hunt dog is a dickhead. In spite of this, the 8-bit game still managed to become a worldwide success upon its release, and has blazed the trail for every arcade-style shooter ever since.

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STREETS OF RAGE 2 (MEGA DRIVE) 1992

29 GRAN TURISMO (PLAYSTATION) 1997

Fun, time-wasting game or sinister money-draining force for evil? Making a lot of money from people who aren’t typical gamers, publishers Zynga are obsessed with increasing the number of people who spend more than $10,000 on in-game purchases a year – apparently referred to as ‘whales’.

Taking a 15-man team more than five years to create, there were moments when designer Kazunori Yamauchi wondered if they’d ever finish the awardwinning racing simulator. “We could not see the end,” he said. “I’d wake up at work, go to sleep at work. I estimate I was home only four days a year.”

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FINAL FANTASY VII (PLAYSTATION) 1997

Known in Japan as ‘the game that changed everything’. You can reduce certain grown men to tears just by humming its haunting theme tune.

GUITAR HERO (XBOX 360) 2005

The music game transformed mild-mannered office workers into snake-hipped rock gods upon its release almost a decade ago.

PAUL PHOENIX: HALF-MAN, HALF-BROOM

(PLAYSTATION) 1996

The racing game that reached out to clubbers and showed the masses that sitting on a sofa and pressing buttons could be (sort of) cool. Developed by a bunch of ravers from Liverpool and Sheffield and featuring a soundtrack that included Daft Punk, The Prodigy, The Chemical Brothers and Underworld, Wipeout 2097 brought the psychedelic essence of a futuristic warehouse party right into your living room.

25 SNAKE

24 RESIDENT EVIL

As addictive now as it ever was, this sparked our love affair with mobile gaming. The first known personal computer version of the game, titled Worm, was programmed in 1978 by Peter Trefonas, but its spiritual home will always sit within the indestructible shell of your trusty, dust-coated Nokia.

For six months, horror nut Shinji Mikami worked on Resident Evil totally alone, convinced that no one apart from himself could do justice to the terrifying vision that resided in his head. The unholy result showed for the first time that computer games could be as shit-your-pants scary as any film.

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(SMARTPHONE) 2009

WIPEOUT 2097

Its neon-drenched, chip-tuned influence can be seen and heard in everything from Tinie Tempah’s songs to Ryan Gosling film Drive. Its immediate success also forced rival developers Capcom to pour all their resources into making a beat-’em-up. The result was Street Fighter II.

(NOKIA 3210) 1999

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FARMVILLE

(PLAYSTATION)

1996

23 TEKKEN 3

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The first fighting game that allowed you to step not just back and forth, but also up and down, meaning you were tenderising your mate’s virtual face in three dimensions. All the characters were motioncaptured by genuine martial artists too, so the whole thing looked and felt as real and fluid as a Jackie Chan film.

The blueprint for what would become the biggest series in the history of anything nearly didn’t see the light of day, according to developer Gary Penn. “Every week, they wanted to kill it, and we had to argue to keep it going,” he says. And thank god – a world without Michael, Trevor and Franklin doesn’t bear thinking about.

(PLAYSTATION) 1998

GRAND THEFT AUTO (PLAYSTATION) 1997

21 SHENMUE

20 DOOM

With production costs of $47 million, Shenmue was for a long time the most expensive game ever made. It offered players their first real taste of a fully immersive world (OK, Japanese town), something that would later become the calling card of the GTA series. Shame no one bought it.

A groundbreaking blend of spine-tingling visuals, mouthwatering weaponry and facemelting death-metal, Doom is credited with pioneering the first-person shooter genre and for being installed on more PCs than Windows was in 1995.

(DREAMCAST) 1999

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(PC) 1993

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SUPER 19 STREET FIGHTER II TURBO (DREAMCAST) 1994 Street Fighter II essentially created the one-on-one beat-’em-up genre. By the time Turbo came out (which let you control the four bosses) the original had already dragon-punched its way to £1.5 billion of revenue worldwide. Studies show that to a lot of people, each of the original eight characters is as recognisable as Mickey Mouse.

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WII SPORTS

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(WII) 2006

Having shifted more than a staggering 80 million copies, Wii Sports is the second-bestselling video game of all-time and credited with giving the entire industry a shot in the arm with its innovative motion-sensing controls and (more importantly) broad, lady-friendly appeal. It hauled us up from our arse-cheek-cratered sofas and propelled us around the living room, colliding with plants, stereos and elderly relatives as we desperately attempted to perfect our wicked backhand.

VIDEO GAMES ARE AS NUANCED AND RICH AS ANY BOOK

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QUAKE (PC) 1996

The game that single-handedly revolutionised everything you love about running through 3D mazes, blasting your mates with plasma rifles. It introduced radical online technology that’s still used today, and pioneered 3D graphics for first-person shooters. It also had a rad soundtrack, provided by Nine Inch Nails’ Trent Reznor.

ANGRY BIRDS (SMARTPHONE) 2009

Just before releasing Angry Birds in 2009, Danish creators Niklas and Mikael Hed were on the brink of bankruptcy and considering quitting the video game business for good. The app, which asks you to catapult kamikaze birds at bulbous green pigs, has since gone on to become a global sensation, played by over 30 million weary commuters a day around the world and drumming up over £70 million in profit for the previously cash-strapped cousins. Never has there been a more entertaining or addictive way to avoid human interaction.

CHAMPIONSHIP MARIO KART 64 SEASON 01/02 14 15 MANAGER (NINTENDO 64) 1996

(PC) 2001 Held by many as the standout chapter in its celebrated history, Championship Manager 01/02 remains the perfect way to fritter away a lazy weekend. Set in an age before sugar-daddy oligarchs and £100 million transfers, this edition is the purest and most engrossing incarnation of the beautiful game the world has ever seen.

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Repeatedly voted the most influential game of all time, Mario Kart 64 is the best in a brilliant series. It introduced the powerslide feature and was the first game where director Hideki Konno claimed he’d perfected the weapon system. “In a race, you’ll always get a natural separation,” he said. “What we were trying to do was push them back together.”

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NOT SO MUCH A GAME AS A MUSICAL EDUCATION

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SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2 (MEGA DRIVE) 1992

Sonic is fast. So bloody fast, in fact, that programmer Yuji Naka was forced to decrease the iconic hedgehog’s sprinting speed after suffering from motion sickness while working on it. Sonic The Hedgehog 2 will go down as the most adrenaline-filled platformer of all time, and the definite peak of the spiky blue bastard’s career, which has since lost its famous momentum.

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COMMAND & CONQUER: RED ALERT (PC) 1996

The first game to let you fire shit-tons of artillery at your mates over the web, this is the undisputed daddy of the strategy genre. Also responsible for inspiring StarCraft – essentially the national sport of South Korea.

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TOMB RAIDER (PLAYSTATION) 1996

Designer Toby Gard based Lara Croft on ’90s pop star Neneh Cherry, and made her animations slow so the player would empathise with her more easily. He also boosted her breast size by 150% by mistake, but it proved so popular with his work mates that he kept it.

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It’s weird to think about now, but once upon a time, Tony Hawk’s name was only known to actual skateboarders. This changed in 1999, when the Gary Lineker of the skate world was approached by Activision to work on a new skateboarding game, starting a franchise that would make over half a billion coconuts. Unlike, say, the 1987 console classic California Games, where all the skateboarding took place in a clean, nice-looking half-pipe, THPS had you skating in schoolyards, army bases and roofs, fucking shit up in a manner far more like actual skateboarding than

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anything that had come before. While it would be an exaggeration to credit the huge skate resurgence of the early 2000s entirely to THPS, the platinum sales figures didn’t exactly hurt, and tons of people who wouldn’t previously have known an ollie from a kickflip found themselves well versed in skate lingo. Then there was the soundtrack, which introduced a generation to the punk bands like Dead Kennedys and The Vandals. Kerrang! magazine editor James McMahon reckons the game says a lot “about how important getting on a game soundtrack can be for a band”.

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: OCARINA OF TIME (NINTENDO 64) 1998

When Shigeru Miyamoto was a child living in the Japanese town of Sonobe, he would regularly explore the surrounding countryside. One day he found a cave in the middle of a forest. The experience of discovering it remained with him, and years later when developing the Zelda games, he tried to recreate it, combining it with a love of the Wild West and a colleague’s love of chanbara (Japanese sword-fighting) movies. Developed concurrently with Super Mario 64 but released two years later, Ocarina Of Time is the fifth Zelda game and the best-loved – it holds the highest-ever score on

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TONY HAWK’S PRO SKATER (PLAYSTATION) 1999

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Metacritic of 99/100. An absolute shutter-upper of anyone that claims video games can’t be art, it’s a beautiful experience, and definitely features the best horse in any game ever. The easiest way to appreciate the legacy of Ocarina Of Time is through Google image search – have a look at how many tattoos there are, celebrating it. There was even a notable increase in the sale of actual ocarinas when the game came out (looks like a shell, sounds like a recorder, was used on the awesome solo on The Troggs’ original Wild Thing).

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08 POKÉMON RED/BLUE

06 THE SIMS

When Satoshi Tajiri was a kid, he collected insects. He wasn’t a weirdo or anything; it was the 1970s and there was bugger-all else for children to do. When he grew up, he noticed that he didn’t see kids collecting insects any more – the urban sprawl of Tokyo had paved over the fields of his youth. This planted the seeds for what became Pokémon, the idea that a new generation could enjoy the feeling of collecting. And when he saw a Game Boy link cable, everything fell into place. Tajiri wanted the game to be non-violent, as he felt there were enough violent titles around, and thought the link cable could be used for two players to trade and share rather than compete with one another. The game took six years to develop, during which Tajiri didn’t take a salary. He compared the finished game to a new bike that everyone could take somewhere different. Pokémon became the bestselling RPG and handheld game series of all time (as well as a lucrative television and toy franchise), and ended up making Nintendo so much money that to this day, the company could run a deficit of $250 million every year and still survive until 2052.

“I’ve got an idea, a billiondollar idea!” “Shut up, Will.” “No, no, I’ve got a billion-dollar idea!” “Look, just fuck off, Will, yeah?” It didn’t go exactly like that, but The Sims creator Will Wright was repeatedly shot down and mocked when he tried to get his idea for a virtual doll’s house off the ground. Despite his success with the hugely influential SimCity, Wright had to get sneaky to get anywhere, working with one designer in secret. Eventually, EA begrudgingly green-lit The Sims, known internally as ‘the toilet game’, expecting fewer than 200,000 sales. However, the game was an enormous hit, becoming the bestselling PC title ever and appealing to gamers and non-gamers alike, with its accessibility and sense of fun (and toilets). Of the 100 bestselling PC games ever, 20 are Sims titles. Bonkers.

(GAME BOY) 1999

(PC) 2000

LOOK AT HIM, THE GLORIOUSLY CHILLED BASTARD

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SUPER MARIO 64 (NINTENDO 64) 1996

Starring the face of Nintendo and acting as the launch title for their new console, Super Mario 64 had high expectations to meet, but ended up as one of the most influential games ever. It hurled gaming into the 21st century by providing the model for all subsequent 3D games. Mario creator Shigeru Miyamoto gave everyone’s favourite

NONE OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE JOBS OR MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS

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WORLD OF WARCRAFT (PC) 2004

The highest-grossing game of all time, at its peak in 2012, WOW, was being played by 12 million people at once, all paying a monthly subscription. MMORPGs (massively multiplayer online role-playing games) meant players could live huge chunks of their lives in-game, forming relationships that had

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non-porno plumber a fully explorable 3D world, complete with an innovative playercontrolled camera system that seems really unexciting now, because every game in the world copied it. It didn’t feel like a game so much as inhabiting a world, where flight was possible and everything looked like sweets.

nothing to do with geographical proximity and everything to do with big bloody swords. Also, you can’t smell people over the internet. The time-sucking nature of the game has led to claims that up to 40% of players are addicted, and there are thousands of ‘Warcraft widows’.

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A thriving black market economy also means lazy players can buy their way through the boring bits by outsourcing the work to China. ‘Gold farming’ is said to be worth up to $200 million of real dosh a year – that’s a real economy being shaped by non-existent gold. Wow.

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04 MINECRAFT (PC) 2011

At the same time that major studio’s budgets have gone through the roof (Grand Theft Auto V cost £170 million to develop), there’s been a quiet revolution in the indie gaming world, where micro-budget games made by tiny teams have often outgrossed and out-awesomed big-bucks corporate products. Nothing has demonstrated this more than Minecraft, which started off as one dude’s spare-time project and has sold 35 million copies so far. Bear-like bearded Swede Markus ‘Notch’ Persson went from working on Minecraft around his day job, to quitting in order to work on it full-time, to now being valued at over £100 million and having to enlist bodyguards when he visits video game conventions.

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In the first month the game was on sale, a million copies were sold, spreading almost entirely through online word of mouth rather than through traditional advertising. PayPal even froze Persson’s account at one point because he was making so much money so quickly, it looked dodgy as hell. A weird and awesome combo of game, toy and tool, Minecraft has ended up being used for a variety of educational and charitable uses as well as keeping a lot of very excited fat guys up very late at night. The anythinggoes nature of the ‘creative’ mode is like having access to an infinite supply of Lego in an infinite world, which you can use in as simple or as complex a way as you wish. Lego itself even produced its own Minecraft set in 2012, which was brilliant.

Markus Persson was named as the second-most influential person in the world by Time magazine in 2013, which was possibly partly due to his handy surname, but mainly due to how Minecraft has pretty much taken over the planet by letting people build their own worlds within worlds. Whoa!

MINING: STILL CAPABLE OF GALVANISING A STAGNANT ECONOMY

TETRIS (GAME BOY) 1989 (ORIGINAL VERSION: 1984) The most popular video game of all time nearly didn’t make its creator a rouble. Alexey Pajitnov was working for the Russian Academy of Sciences when, along with a few pals, he created a game based on arranging falling shapes into lines, naming it after the prefix tetra, meaning four, and tennis, his favourite sport. Tetris went apeshit-crazy, with Soviet Russians desperate for something to do other than eat goulash and drink vodka. An enterprising British publisher who heard about it decided to get on board and was

soon selling the rights (which he didn’t have) to global developers. And, since Pajitnov was working for the Russian government at the time, they were up for selling the rights as well… It all became a giant legal mess, one Pajitnov got nothing from (until 1996, when he set up The Tetris Company, finally acquired the rights and relocated to Hawaii). Nintendo bought the rights in 1989 and made Tetris the launch title, bundled with every Game Boy. Its simplicity appealed to both gamers and non-gamers, kick-starting the puzzle game genre, without which the modern mobile gaming market would be a barren place.

Tetris has since appeared on every gaming platform imaginable, and is the most downloaded paid-for mobile game, with more than 100 million phone downloads. Careful, though. Some scientists warn about the Tetris effect, where playing it a lot leads to seeing Tetris shapes everywhere like a madman. They might have a point. Vladimir Pokhilko, one of the game’s co-creators, eventually killed his wife and son before killing himself, leaving a suicide note which read, “I’ve been eaten alive. Vladimir. Just remember that I am exist. The davil.”

02 MORTAL KOMBAT II (MEGA DRIVE) 1994

The first Mortal Kombat game isn’t bad at all – it introduced the world to now-iconic characters like Sub-Zero, proved that the letter K was kooler than the letter C, and also included a few Fatalities – semi-secret over-the-top finishing moves that were way gorier and bloodier than anything anyone had seen in fighting games ever before. For the sequel, they went bigger, bolder and badder with the Fatalities, introducing finishers like Jax’s arm-rip, where he yanks his opponent’s arms clean off their body, leading

to torrents of blood spunking out. This tonguein-cheek ultra-violence, combined with everimproving graphics, caused a mahoosive controversy, with parental groups calling for bans. This led to the formation of the Entertainment Software Ratings Board, the video game equivalent of the BBFC’s U, PG, 12, 15 and 18 rating system. MKII became the first game to carry a ‘mature’ rating, and was banned in Germany after being deemed harmful to young people. The controversy didn’t have any

lasting benefits though, with Mortal Kombat II becoming the bestselling game there had been up to then. The presence of Fatality alternatives like Babality (transforming your opponent into a baby) and Friendship (which nobody ever chose to do, obviously) led to rumours of more hidden modes like Sexuality and Nudality. They didn’t actually exist, but the prospect of seeing what lay beneath Mileena’s cloak can’t have hurt sales. More like Phwoar-tal Kombat, right? Right?

OFT IMITATED, NEVER BETTERED; THE CAUSE AND RUIN OF A BILLION FRIENDSHIPS

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GOLDENEYE 007 (NINTENDO 64) 1997

GoldenEye 007 had no right to be anything other than shit. It was a film tie-in coming out two years after the film, a first-person-shooter for a console which, at the time, was universally regarded as a waste of time, and eight of the 10-strong team that made it hadn’t ever made a game before. Then it came out, and it was fucking magnificent, the team’s inexperience coming through as excitement and ambition, leading to some amazing ideas. “Because it was most people’s first game, we did things we might

not do again,” said Graeme Norgate of the development team later. “If something sounded like a good idea, it was like, ‘Yeah, let’s do it!’ Only afterwards would you find it was a world of pain.” The team ended up working 80-hours a week, to come up with innovative ways of cutting corners. The physics to have objects show battle damage proved so complicated that they decided to make everything explosive instead, inadvertently making

everything more super-awesome. A coding problem meant that characters who got blown up did so with a tiny delay, giving their deaths a South Park-esque quality, again upping the fun stakes. GoldenEye isn’t the highest critically rated game of all time. It’s not the bestselling, nor the most awards-laden, but it’s the best in a way that numbers can’t prove; a way that comes from the heart rather than the head. Because you know what happens to heads? They get shot.

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FOR THOSE WHO GOOGLE YAMI GAUTAM+HOT AND GET ZILCH HERE’S

YAMI

GAUTAM IN HER HOTTEST SHOOT EVER. BARE SHOULDERS, PERFECT DERRIERE AND ALL. Words by KUMAR SAURAV; Photography by ROHAN SHRESTHA Styling: SANJANA BATRA; Hair & make up LOVELEEN Production: MADMOTH

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he next time your father gives you one of those ‘impossible is nothing’ lines ask him to convince Yami Gautam to pose in a bikini for FHM, or for that matter even for a sequence in Steven Speilberg’s film! In over ten different ways, we coaxed her to say yes to wear bikini, but she refused to budge. “NO. I won’t wear a bikini. Not even for Steven Speilberg. If he ever approaches me for a film, it will be more on the basis of my acting skills, and not on the basis of the two-piece.” It’s her denial that has kept her away from FHM and those Google pictures searches of her chaste. “I was apprehensive about shooting with FHM, the clothing part worried me a bit. If I shoot with FHM, I should be able to do justice to your content and in some way add to your immense popularity. If I am not able to do that, what’s the point of me being on the cover! I am not comfortable with the bikini image because that’s not what I am. Also, I didn’t want to portray myself as someone who is desperate for being called a ‘hot chick’ because you guys have helped a lot of women break their stereotypes. Being on your cover is of great importance and I didn’t want to take it lightly. So, we had to come to a consensus where you get something hot, and I get to keep my existing image intact.” That’s for the bad news, the good news is that the 25-year-old isn’t under some lifetime oath to wear clothes that cover her wrists and ankles. “People change so do their 78

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TOP: ZARA SHORTS: ONLY fhmindia ē fhmindia

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AIN’T A SAINT

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If I shoot with FHM, I should be able to do justice to your content. If I am not able to do that, what’s the point of me being on the cover?.

BUSTIER: HEMANT AND NANDITA; SKIRT: BEBE; RING: CURIO COTTAGE fhmindia.com

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I would never date anyone who donates sperm to earn money, might still consider someone who does it for charity... opinions, so I wouldn’t really say that I will never wear a bikini, but as of now, it’s a dead NO.” For Now. Yes, we did add the ‘for now’. Yami is not new to the FHM fold, she has been pretty clued to our covers. “I loved every cover of Katrina Kaif. Also, the one that you guys shot with Nargis was brilliant.” As for work, the Himachal born, Chandigarh bred girl is completely focused, she is busy like never before and is still fine-tuning herself to the slaving life of Mumbai. Infact, she is so busy that this interview of hers was rescheduled thrice from happening at 10.30 am on a Sunday to late in the evening that day and finally happened at 3.45 on a Monday. When we finally spoke to her she was travelling to Pune. “I am now living every word of those interviews that I read of film stars about how Mumbai occupies you completely. I know it sounds like a cliché, but I am never not occupied in something or the other.” Even in her prayers, something that is as much part of her daily routine as rushing from one shoot to another, all she does is pray about getting more and more work. Yami has come a long way in her life from her initial appearances in television commercials and soap operas your mother watches. She has also gotten way past the stage of thinking being called ‘Yummy is cute’. “Oh God! Calling me Yummy is so cheesy. I am used to of being called Yami to Yummy to Yemen from school days, so I have given up. When I was in school, I would fear my name being announced on the

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stage because the boys would later take my trip. In fact, a childhood friend called me Yemen, I don’t why, but she did.” Yet somehow, for someone who made a huge splash with her debut film Vicky Donor she’s had a slightly uneventful couple of years. Her next movie after Vicky Donor, Total Siyappa tanked at the box office, but such is her hold on the audience that they have now moved their attention and expectation to her next release Action Jackson, which co-stars Ajay Devgan, Sonakshi Sinha and Kunal Roy Kapoor. She hasn’t forgotten how much of her success she owes to VD, “I wouldn’t have been on your cover if Vicky Donor wasn’t my film. Everything that I have today is because of Shoojit. Working with him will always be my priority.” As for other film that she is currently filming, there is no point talking about them because everything has to be protected like Nuclear launch codes, so we picked on her for the flak that she received on twitter for endorsing fairness creams, “Endorsing a fairness product isn’t debatable nor do I need to defend it. I endorse them because that’s my job. Whether a celeb uses a product that he endorses or not completely depends on them,” she shoots us down. 45 minutes down the interview, we asked her something we’ve been itching to for a while would she date someone who is a sperm donor, only to have her freak out mid question. “I would never date anyone who donates sperms

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to earn money, might still consider someone who does it for charity. When the script of Vicky Donor was being read out to me, I was just saying ok...ok...okay and even the narrator was giggling all the while. I came back home and I told my mom about the film and even she was like ‘okay’. No one knew how to react, so you can understand why dating a sperm donor isn’t as cool as you think.” And what are the other kinds of men you will never date? “I can never be with a man who fantasises about Carmen Electra, Cindy Crawford and Pamela Anderson.” This is where the conversation got a bit doozy for us because as you know there is Carmen Electra heating up the front of the book as the Access Girl this month. But then full disclosure is for fools. “Certainly Ben Affleck. If there is an embodiment of how my man should be, it has to be Ben. If you are seriously match making then I would like to take things forward with someone who is a bit different from me, adventurous and open minded, but again, he shouldn’t be a Pam (Anderson) fan,” she says ruling out anyone born in the 80s. And what about the films that come to her, how does she select them. “Firstly, I look at my character, then the story and then the director.” But shouldn’t it be like story first, then the director and then the character. “Not really. A script may not always be impressive. A film like Barfi, do you think, it would have sounded as promising to the actors on the papers as it turned out to be?” By the time we finished our chat, she had reached half way to Pune, we were still moping about bikinis and she was talking about how much she’d love to be in a remake of DDLJ. “It’s impossible to imagine DDLJ without him,” she says. We continue to mope about the bikini. Or the lack of it. 84

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GREY CROP TANK: ZARA; SHORTS: GUESS fhmindia ē fhmindia

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I can never be with a man who fantasizes about Carmen Electra, Cindy Crawford and Pamela Anderson..”

LEATHER BUSTIER: ZARA; SHORTS: GUESS; BRACELETS: STYLISTS OWN

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THE LIST IS STILL BEING MADE

…WHO IS THE SEXIEST WOMAN

OF THEM ALL

WIN AT LIFE

EDITED BY DANIEL MASOLIVER

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The world has gone dirt crazy, thanks to an explosion of muddy challenges that are helping guys and girls to get fit, filthy and a little bit flirty outdoors. Just take your pick: there are mud runs, which serve up postapocalyptic hell zones of barbed wires, flames and icy water; military-style obstacle courses, full of greasy walls and spooky tunnels; and multisport adventure races that let you paddle and climb through epic Instagram-friendly landscapes. Filthier than a drawer full of Miley Cyrus’s latex undies, they have boozy after-parties and festival vibes, so you can get buff, hang out with your mates and meet mucky girls. There are now more than 200 mud-and-obstacle races and 300 adventure races around the world, each year: over 2 million nutters from 22 countries will take part in a Spartan Race – a global brand of obstacle courses – in 2014 and the global gunge industry is fhmindia.com

valued at half a billion Yankee dollars. So why is everyone suddenly so desperate to splash about in muddy puddles? “This stuff is in our DNA,” explains Selica Sevigny, co-founder of Spartan Beast. “We want people to return to the days of hunter-gatherers. Sitting at a computer or being a couch potato is not what our bodies are designed for. We're designed to be active, so it feels good to rediscover your warrior instinct.” Plus, if you’re bored by the zombie-shuffling monotony of 10k runs, or fear bike races will leave you with the physique of a weeny pre-pubescent boy, these races will beef you up and give you superhuman mental strength. “You'll face your biggest fears and cross the finish line a completely different and more confident person,” promises Sevigny. To get you started, here’s a round-up of the best events and all the sordid secrets you’ll need in order to become a grime-splattered hero…

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June 2014

Words Mark Bailey

Photography: mybibnumber.com, epic action imagery, Bruce Viaene Photography, harri hytÖnen

FIRE, ICE, EXPOSED ELECTRIC WIRES AND MUD. LOTS OF MUD. PREPARE TO GET DOWNRIGHT NASTY AT THE NEXT GENERATION OF ADVENTURE RACES…

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WHAT’S THE DIRTY DEAL? Rains, fog, and a 5+ kms muddy trail with over 21 obstacles. the Mud Rush aims to send you running like ‘Guy Explorer’ from Temple Run through mud, hay and water! The prize at the end of the road? The winners will be treated with kegs of frosty beer, and medals. Besides this they throw one hell of a bash because that’s exactly what your aching bones need dancing! FILTHIEST PART? Stretched across a 5 km+ muddy trail the track has grimy yet intensive obstacles like climbing over of 30 feet stacks of hay, water bodies, 8 feet barrier walls, 100 feet stretch of tires, 45 degree hill climb, and did we mention a whole lot of mud? WHAT DO THE ORGANISERS SAY? The all-terrain race is not intended only for the super athletic, but for the entire family. The organisers encourage families to take part in the race, along with sporting some unique costumes, outfits and uniforms. However, that being said, people shouldn’t take this as a fancy dress competion race. Participants have to give their and other participant’s safety top priority.

MUD RUSH, PUNE, AUGUST

HOW DO I SHAPE UP? The terrain is spread out with various obstacles which is why its is imperative that you strenthen your core. Whether or not you spend a lot of time in the gym, you need to spend a lot of time doing HIIT besides cross training. SIGN ME UP This edition will be held in Pune, Maharashtra in the monsoons. To participate you have to pay 2500 bucks and be prepared to sacrifice your clothes and knees. For dope on important topics like cost, shoe requirements, start timings, warm up zones, baggage, visit themudrush.com. 90

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A N C I E N T WA R R I O R W O R K O U T SPARTAN BEAST, EAST SUSSEX, 11 OCTOBER WHAT’S THE DIRTY DEAL? Whether you’re more likely to have a six pack of abs or a six pack of Dr Pepper, this is your chance to mimic 300 movie legend Gerard Butler as Leonidas. Part of a global series with events in South Korea, Australia and Mexico, Spartan Beast is a 20km battle with 26 obstacles (like chucking spears and tackling giant washing-up liquidcovered slides) designed to test the bravery of a warrior – crimson capes and beards, optional. The course is kept top secret and the race is always timed to encourage you to get Andy Murraylevel competitive.

WHAT DO THE ORGANISERS SAY? “We wanted to take people away from their 9 to 5 jobs to find fitness in the wilderness,” says Selica Sevigny. “The Spartan theme is inspiring – men were the ultimate warriors and women were respected. There's a new challenge every few hundred metres, so you don’t get bored.” The courses often feature 30ft rope climbs and mile-long sandbag carries. “At the end, happy, broken people still want to do it again.”

HOW DO I SHAPE UP? Functional fitness is key as you won’t know the course until race day – 3 x 10 squats, deadlifts, kettlebell swings and box jumps will warrior-proof your body in preparation. SIGN ME UP Spartan Beast (20km) takes place in East Sussex on 11October, from `5,456. Spartan Sprint (5km) and Super Spartan (13km) events take place in London from 30-31 August. Visit uk.spartanrace.com.

A TRIP TO THE BOG CONNEMARA CHALLENGE, IRELAND, MAY ‘15 WHAT’S THE DIRTY DEAL? A 32.5km run-cycle-kayak threesome in the Guinnessblack peat of West Ireland, the Connemara Challenge is a short ‘sprint’ distance adventure race. You’ve missed it this year but don’t worry its on next year too. You dash through the course in 3-6 hours, so it’s spot-on for adventure-racing newbies. You’ll stumble through a Lord Of The Rings-style land of mountains and rivers, merrily covered in Ireland’s finest crap.

FILTHIEST PART? Grabbing your balls. Spartan racers have to manoeuvre giant Atlas balls made of stone, which makes you feel like a proper beefcake powering through the World’s Strongest Man contest. It’s worth checking your nads are still there every now and then anyway – there’s a solid chance they’ll have been severed with a pointy spear.

FILTHIEST PART? The quickie in the bog. Competitors start with a 4km run through the foot-sucking Connemara bog. A little longer than the quickies you’re used to, and almost as messy. HOW DO I SHAPE UP? To survive 14.5km of bogs, you’ll need the luck of the Irish. Failing that, joint stability and balance should see you through. Train with 3 x 12 single-leg lunges, Bosu squats and single-leg dumbbell deadlifts. SIGN ME UP The race sets out from Killary Adventure Centre on 10 May, from `5,231. The price includes post-race soup and bread. Visit gaelforceevents.com. fhmindia.com

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MAINE CENTRAL HIGHLANDS, USA, 17TH JUNE - 22ND JUNE, 2014

WHAT’S THE DIRTY DEAL? Mud biking, hiking, rappeling and kayaking in the shadow of Mount Katahdin through a network of reserves and protected wilderness makes Untamed New England Expedition Race equal parts spectacular and dirty. Wabanaki Indians called this territory the “Dawn Lands” and it served as their ancestral home. FILTHIEST PART? Mountain bikining through extreme terrian followed by 92

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hikes that push the limits of human endurance. The 322 km course has no stops, with no designated rest periods or aid stations. Teams have to be be self-sufficient, responsible for their own food and water from the start to the finish of the race. WHAT DO THE ORGANISERS SAY? “We eat, live, and breath adventure racing. You may not be ready for us, but we’re ready for you!” people incharge claim.

HOW DO I SHAPE UP? Contestants have been building fitness and skills for years before reaching the Untamed New England starting line...so try onlyif you are a hardcore adventure junky. SIGN ME UP Untamed New England allows teams of 2, 3, and 4 racers and the fee are as 4-person team: `2,07,410, 3-person team: `1,81,484, 2-person team: `1,55,558 www.untamedne.com

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M I L I TA R Y MIND GAMES TOUGH MUDDER, YORKSHIRE, 2-3 AUGUST WHAT’S THE DIRTY DEAL? A mucky, military mess in the Yorkshire Moors, this 16 to 19-km course from Tough Mudder, whose gooey worldwide events attract half a million loonies each year, was designed by ex-military special forces eager to polish your mental steel. Obstacles like Arctic Enema (a skip filled with ice), Smoke Chute (smog-filled tunnels), and Electroshock Therapy (a net that zaps you, repeatedly) test the size of your cojones, but also demand soldierly camaraderie. You can’t complete Tough Mudder alone – you need leg-ups, human chains and motivating bum pats along the way. FILTHIEST PART? The Dong Dangler – so called because you shuffle along a slippery rope with your crotch submerged in freezing water, one slip away from cheesewiring your pee-stick off. WHAT DO THE ORGANISERS SAY? “Tough Mudder gives you an amazing sense of achievement and team spirit,” says top dog fhmindia.com

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John Fidoe. “We challenge your mental strength, grit and determination by tackling your fears of tight spaces, darkness or heights. But we don’t time people and it’s all about having fun: triathlons get boring because they’re samey, but people want to spend time with friends, which is why 80% of people sign up as part of a team. Everyone helps each other out and hangs around afterwards drinking beer. We even offer free haircuts with a choice of mullet, mohawk or skinhead.” HOW DO I SHAPE UP? Besides watching Rambo: The Complete Collection repeatedly, you’ll need to prepare yourself physically. A 3 x 10-minute bodyweight circuit of push-ups, jumping jacks, squats, ‘jump rope’ (because it sounds harder than ‘skipping’), burpees and pull-ups will get you into tough-and-ready shape. SIGN ME UP Tough Mudder Yorkshire is held at Broughton Hall on 2-3 August, from £69 plus £10 insurance. The price includes a free headband and a pint. Visit toughmudder.com. June 2014

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T H E M U LT I - S P O R T O R G Y ENDURANCE QUEST, FINLAND, FROM 23 JULY

CONQUER MOTHER N AT U R E TOTAL WARRIOR, LAKE DISTRICT, 2-3 AUGUST WHAT’S THE DIRTY DEAL? Awarded the Best All-Round Experience going by obstacleracing website Mudstacle, Total Warrior’s amazing Lake District location spices up its two courses (10km or 10 miles) with natural obstacles like mahoosive hills, freezing rivers, soggy moorland and back-breaking boulders. Competitors also face 25-30 man-made beasties, like the flaming logs of Human BBQ and the tangled ropes of Spider’s Web.

WHAT’S THE DIRTY DEAL? This top-level Finnish adventure race, which covers 600km over three to four days, doles out more discipline than a dominatrix Jessica Ennis. Planned by former adventure race world champ Petri Forsman, it features running, cycling, kayaking, abseiling, kickbiking (part-bike, parttoddler’s scooter), coasteering, rowing and even inline skating, and is set

around the awesome Turku Archipelago – a coastal wonderland of 20,000 islands, castles, neat wooden huts and friendly Finnish yokels. FILTHIEST PART? Riding blow-up toys with a group of sweaty men. Athletes slide into a packraft (a kind of inflatable rubber dinghy) and paddle upstream. HOW DO I SHAPE UP? Unless your major muscle groups already resemble

Commando-era Arnold Schwarzenegger, toughen up for the 150km of paddling with 3 x 10 chin-ups, leg presses, bicep curls and triceps extensions. SIGN ME UP The race, based between Turku and Helsinki in Finland, starts on 23 July. Entry costs `2,17,262 for a team of four. Visit endurancequest.com. Ryanair flies to nearby Tampere and Lappeenranta from `3,273.

ACTION-RACE ESSENTIALS

FILTHIEST PART? The Worm Muncher. Crawl on all fours under barbed wire, hovering between a faceful of sludge and a shredded noggin. HOW DO I SHAPE UP? Prepare for the bumpy terrain with 90-second hill sprints and 3 x 8 chest presses, shoulder presses and pull-downs. SIGN ME UP Total Warrior Lake District runs from 2-3 August, from `6,153 for the 10km and 10-mile events and from `9,423 for the double. Visit totalwarrior.co.uk. 94

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TRAINERS FOR ANY TRAIL Standard trainers are as much use as Havaianas in the Arctic. These are armed with chunky studded soles. Inov8 Mudclaw 300, `8,935, ellis-brigham.com

FOR YOUR SECOND WIND You’ll need to keep your body strong and your mind sharp. Stay fighting fit by shoving this down your gob when you're flagging. Clif Shot energy chew, `258

MUSCLESQUEEZING SLEEVES The tight fit will stop you getting snagged on barbed wire and the fabric means you’ll rapidly reheat after a drenching. HeatGear, `2,483, underarmour.com

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GRIPPY GLOVES Obstacle races shred your man mitts, but these gloves will galvanise your paws and help maintain your grip in wet conditions. Gloves, `3,226, sealskinz.com

REAL MEN WEAR TIGHTS To stop your legs getting slashed on stones and rocks, slip into these manly black tights – they’ll improve oxygen flow to your muscles. Pro Combat core tights, `2,777, nike.com

fhmindia.com

WE MAKE SUPERSTARS OUT OF STARS! AT THE

SCHWARZKOPF PROFESSIONAL ESTETICA HAIR COUTURE AWARDS, 2014

To apply Last date to apply 31st July 2014 -VSSV^\ZVU

Log onto: http://www.esteticaindia.in/apply Email: [email protected] WhatsApp entries to +91 9643662122

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[^P[[LYJVT,Z[L[PJH0UKPH

YOUR

No matter what Indian comedians tell you it is possible for Indian men to wear tuxedos and not look like waiters. Here’s how. As told to Kumar Saurav

NOT JUST BOND THINAG

Tuxedo: `25400, www.niveditasaboo.com

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FAT, SLIM, TALL... WHO SHOULD WEAR A TUXEDO: As long as it fits you right, a tuxedo suits all body types. Available in various styles, the tux has always been synonymous with sophistication. Be it the classic shawl collar, the suave pointed peak collar, the ‘James Bond-ish’ notch lapel style or the regular buttons down, it is the perfect choice for well dressed gentlemen. Terrible for TV appearances, especially if you are discussing politics.

TUXEDO VS A JACKET 1. A blazer and a coat don’t necessarily come with a pair of trousers and hence can be paired with various bottoms like a pair of jeans, chinos, corduroys, etc. Also, they come with metal buttons and patch pockets. A Tux doesn’t. 2. The lapels in a tuxedo jacket are made of satin while in a suit, it is of the same fabric as the suit. 3. The tuxedo trousers have no loops for a belt whereas a suit’s trouser has loops. A tuxedo is traditionally worn with a cummerbund or a low cut vest whereas a suit has a belt for an accessory. 4. The buttons on a tuxedo jacket are made out of fabric while in a suit jacket they can be of other materials. 5. Shirts worn with a tuxedo have French cuffs for cuff-links and studs. A suit can be worn with a regular dressy shirt. 6. Tuxedos are usually black, dark grey, navy or white with black trousers. A suit can be made out of the same fabric for the jacket and trousers, and can be in various colours.

BUYING A TUXEDO? READ THIS FIRST The fit: A tuxedo is all about the right fit. Hence, care should be taken when investing in a perfectly fit tuxedo, as it can either make or break the look. The style: Always look for a style that compliments your silhouette. A good tuxedo lasts a lifetime and getting expert advice is recommended in choosing the right one for you. The fabric: The most fundamental element in making a good tuxedo, choosing the right fabric is paramount in getting an immaculate fit. fhmindia.com

The accessories: A perfect tuxedo has got to have the right kind of accessories that complete the look. From the shirt, bow-tie, pocket square to the right kind of shoes, every minute detail has to be taken into consideration for the look to come together. The comfort: Investing in a tuxedo that not only fits well but feels well too is imperative. A made-to-measure tuxedo jacket should be comfortable and feel just like second skin.

HOW TO CLUB A TUXEDO Shirt: A crisp white pleated dressy shirt with a stiff winged collar with French cuffs. Classic yet stylish you can’t go wrong with this. Trousers: A black pair of trousers with a satin stripe running on the outside leg is a conventional style. Socks: Black Belt: A cummerbund would be more apt. Shoes: Well polished, patent leather black lace-up shoes. Watch: A nice and sturdy leather or metal watch.

SKIN TONE PLAYS ITS PART A classic black is common for all. A deep navy blue is also a great colour for all skin tones. Shades of gray are very popular too but darker skin tones should avoid them as gray can just make things way too dull.

WHILE DRESSING UP IN A TUXEDO 1. White or light coloured socks are death. 2. Be very specific about shoes. Don’t experiment. 3. Avoid wearing excessive jewellery. 4. If you’ve been putting off your grooming regime now is the time.

5 TIPS FOR

B U YIN G THE R I G H T F RAM E SUNGLASSES COST A LOT OF MONEY AND ARE VERY USEFUL TO HIDE BLACK EYES AND HUNGOVER EYES 01 KNOW YOUR FRAME SIZE:

Because if you don’t, you will feel as uncomfortable as you feel in tight briefs. Also, a suitably sized frame complements your face by highlighting all the right features and hiding the not so good ones. 02 WEAR YOUR STYLE: Buy what you want to wear, something that reflects your style sense. 03 TRY DIFFERENT FRAMES:

When there are so many options in frames, why limit yourself to just one form. Go experiment, it will make you look differently stylish. 04 CAREFULLY SELECT THE FRAME MATERIAL: No one pays

so much attention to the material used in the frame, but we all should because your skin might be allergic to certain metals. 05 SELECT THE APPROPRIATE LENS COATINGS: The glasses,

without any second thoughts, are important. Protective UV coating and anti-scratch make a lot of sense and are not just marketing gimmicks.

RECOMFHM MENDS Stylis h

&a Titan ffordable Glare s

FHM EXPERT Nivedita Saboo has suited Bollywood celebrities like Randeep Hooda. www.niveditasaboo.com

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BEYOND AVIATOR If you don’t intend to pay a bomb for an eyewear, Titan has just launched these affordable set of glares for you. Try them.

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THE DROWN TEST FHM takes Sony Xperia Z2 and Samsung S5 for a shower and Moto E for a sponge bath.

SONY XPERIA Z2 `48990 There is something about water-resistant phones, that keep you guessing till the time you actually put them to a dunk test which you probably never will. Which is why we’ve had our eyes on the Z2 ever since it was launched. The phone boasts of an IP58 rating does manage to withstand a puddle of water. The Z2 is water resistant in a depth of 1.5 mts (almost 5 ft) for 30 mins. The phone rings too, its another matter that you can’t answer them because the screen locks down. Moreover, below that depth there would be no network either. The Z2 achieves this thanks to an internal rubber seal that protects its components and concealed ports which all recieve their own rubber plugs. Once we pulled it out of the dish we realised why we loved the phone - it was the chassis of it. Despite being 5.2 inch screen, the phone fits well into the hand and has a powerful 2.3 GHz processor that makes multi-tasking a breeze. The OS, that has been heavily tweaked by Sony, gives you a rich and powerful Android experience. We also like the intuitive keyboard, the camera and the claimed battert back up of 30 hours. However, an hefty marked price would leave us in two mind to actually buy it. Android v4.4 (KitKat); Qualcomm Snapdragon Quad Core 2.3 GHz Processor; 20.7 MP Camera; 5.2-inch Full HD Display; 3 GB RAM; Waterproofing (IP58 and IP55) 98

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Superb build quality, breathtaking OS performances and a decent snapper makes this phone a go-to product.

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SAMSUNG GALAXY S5 `40000 This was the second phone after Xperia Z2 to take the drown w test and passed it without any hassles whatsoever. The water-resistent claim works effectively provided you clip thee back cover properly. As per the phone, we are not yet sure if you should buy it, or wait for the iPhone 6, which is scheduled ed to hit the market in August. For people who take joy in open en platforms like Addroid, S5 isn’t a bad deal even though by pure aesthetics, it’s unimaginative and ancient. But hold on! S5 is still one of the most awaited phones of the year. The 5.1 inch full-HD screen with super AMOLED display is brilliant, t, the audio output is so loud and clear that you might want to o put your earplugs back into the box, and it has a camera that at no other phone has ever come close to. Even in low light. 5.1-inch Full HD Display; Android v4.4.2 (KitKat); Heart Rate Sensor; Ultra Power Saving Mode; Adonis Prime2 (Quad 1.9 GHz + Quad 1.3 GHz); 16 MP Primary CameraIP67 Certificated Dust and Water Resistant

MOTO E `7000

Sam is kno sung overt wn for its u that m se of plastic , igh most of us, t tick the c there onside a doing re metal bo ring th d days, e rounds th ies but th ese ec makes this p amera h steal one a fhmindia.com

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At the first instance, you would outrightly ridicule a 7K Android phone. Well, that is what happens with the homegrown brands like Micromaxx and Karbonn. But that is not the case with the Moto E. The phone is a stunner, considering the price point it is lauched at. The smooth plastic body, is in keeping with Moto’s design principles. In fact, we are yet to see a phone so beautifully crafted for this price. Another detail that got us raving about the phone is its brilliant 4.3 qHD screen that is a steal at this price. Under the hood, the phone is powered by a 1.2 Ghz dual-core processor, that doesn’t sound impressive on paper, but doesn’t lag in terms of multi-tasking. Though, flipping through apps isn’t as swift as on the high-end Androids out there, but it’s comfortable to give you a decent Android experience. There is a microSD support of upto 32Gb, coupled with various third party cloud apps that would come in handy. The phone, in particular, flaws with its camera, with no front camera on offer. The 5MP camera falls short of impressing us, and the lack of a flash makes it an even harder point to sell. The screen is water-resistence as well, making this one of the best budget Android phones in the market. 1 GB RAM; Android v4.4 (KitKat) OS; Wi-Fi Enabled; FM Radio; 1.2 GHz MSM8x10 Dual Core Processor; Dual Standby SIM (GSM + GSM); 5 MP Primary Camera; 4.3-inch Touchscreen

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THE REAL EASY

STICKY BBQ CHICKEN WINGS WITH BLUE CHEESE DIP

Lear to co n ok THE RECIPE COOKING TIME 45 minutes INGREDIENTS (FOR BBQ CHICKEN WINGS)

ēƎChicken wings 6 pcs ēƎPaprika powder 10 gms ēƎCajun spice 15 gms ēƎSalt 4 gms ēƎPepper 6 gms ēƎThyme (few) ēƎOil 10 ml ēƎGreen onions for garnishing (few slices) INGREDIENTS (FOR BLUE CHEESE DIP)

INGREDIENTS

ēƎBlue cheese 6 gms ēƎFresh cream 20 ml ēƎChives (few)

Step 02 Mix all the ingredients and make a blue cheese dressing.

Step 01 Take blue cheese, fresh cream and chives in a bowl.

Step 03 Raw chicken wings

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Step 04

Step 05

Marinate the chicken wings using oil, cajun spice, chopped garlic, crushed black pepper, paprika, salt, thyme and parsley

Using deep fat fryer, fry the chicken wings

Step 07

Roast it in a pre-heated oven for 5 minutes

Mix chopped garlic, barbeque sauce, green onion, salt, chicken stock, oil, black pepper and Tobasco sauce to make spicy BBQ sauce

Step 08

Step 09

Remove the chicken wings from the oven and toss them in the sauce. Remove it from the fire when the wings are coated with the sauce.

Pop it on a plate, throw in green onions, serve with blue cheese dip.

MAN FACTS ABOUT

CHICKEN BBQ WINGS fhmindia.com

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Chicken Wings can be mixed and matched with a lot of flavours. We say you pair these along with stuffed jalapenos. Just take jalapenos, split in half, de-seed and take the ribs out. Fill with cream cheese and wrap a slice of bacon around each half. Place a toothpick through and cook on the grill until the bacon is done. Since the World Cup is around the corner, we suggest you finish them off with a couple of glasses of beer - considering most of the match viewing will happen at home. June 2014

Words: Nishant Nayyar; Recipe and pictures by Tilt All Day, Kamala Mills, Lower Parel, Mumbai

Step 06

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Emmantal cheese

No cheese tasting is complete without olives

Cheese on crackers can make a delectable pair

A MODERN MAN’S GUIDE TO CHEESE 102

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Brie [bree]

You have to be a sour puss not to love gerkins

A soft cheese with a off-white hard rind, usually produced in the shape of a flat disc. This kind of cheese is usually of the cream colour and made from cow-milk. Brie tastes wonderful when baked with strawberries and crackers. It has a slightly sweet and pungent flavour. Goes best with red wine.

Chevre [shev-ruh] An extremely soft crumbly cheese wrapped in plastic that has some moisture as well. Traditionally, chevre is available in white colour. It’s made from goat-milk. Chevre is a salty, earthy and tart cheese and can easily be spread on tarts or mixed with a salad. Goes well with red wine.

A Gorgonzola knife can be used for soft cheese

…and what it goes with. Because not all cheese goes on a Pizza and the side of a glass of wine. So here’s some help figuring out what is what! Words Nishant Nayyar

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June 2014

With inputs from Chef Swasti Aggarwal, Foodhall

Edam [ee-duhm, ee-dam] A semi-hard cheese with a red wax coating is usually produced in a shape of a ball. Edam is typically yellow and can be made out of cow or goat’s milk, depending on the origin of production. Edam is a fantastic cheese on a cheese platter and to be sliced into a sandwich as it holds together very well. Has a very mild, neutral taste. Goes best with beer.

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EMMANTAL [em-uhn-tahl] Made from the milk of cows that are led up to the Alps to graze, over multiple seasons, Emmantal can be easily recognised with the laden bubbles in the cheese. This cheese has a certain sweetness with a piquancy that hits the back of the tongue on the finish.

Se appe rve as an past tizer, pu on Ma, in salad t on id s pizza dle Easte or . Pair r white with n wine

Comes in 200 gms block or larger blocks; From Switzerland

[fet-uh] FETA T This cheese is made ou out of goat milk and is classified as ‘Feta’ on only if it comes from mainland Greece. Tangy and moist, ffeta can range from ccompletely crumbly co to moderately ccreamy. cr re It reminisces with our very own desi paneer, albeit softer. Comes in tubes, 200 gms blocks; From Greece

TALEGGIO [tahl-EH-zhee-oh]

U bakin sed in souffl g, pasta s and g és, salad , s o e with s well liquo r

GOUDA [gou-duh] A semi-hard to hard cow-milk cheese, typically from Holland. Only variants that are aged for close to six months or more, live up to the name. Flavours usually vary from wildly mild to deep flavour, owing to the aging period. You can easily spot a Gouda owing to its pale yellow colour.

One of the oldest soft cheese known to mankind, Taleggio has a soft thin rind that is edible, and dons pungent flavours and even more pungent surface smells. Comes in blocks of 2 kgs or more: From Italy

Se des rve as a with sert chee se fruits salad , or on s

Comes in small wedges or small wheels; From Holland, but some expats are making it in Kashmir now

MOZZARELLA [mot-suh-rel-luh] Mozzarella is a fresh, pulled-curd cheese made from the milk of water buffalo. Mozzarella is prized for its soft texture and mild creamy flavour. It is usually rolled into a ball of 80 to Can 100 grams; From be with served Italy ham mus

Gou well w da goes i & ch th fruit eese

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hroo , salam ms, fruit char- i and , vege grilled table s

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CHEDDAR [ched-er] Cheddar cheese made in traditional fashion is dry and crumbly in texture, with a deep, tangy, nutty flavour. Typically deep yellow in colour, some of the variants are available in ivory colour as well.

Try bake melted o dp n stuff otatoes, chick ed in own en or on with its breadcrusty

ROQUEFORT [rohk-fert] Hailing from South of France, the cheese is white, tangy, crumbly and slightly moist, with distinctive veins of green mould. It has a characteristic odour and flavour with a notable taste of butyric acid; the green veins provide a sharp tang. A ty typical ypical wheel of Roquefort weighs between 2.5 and 3 kgs: From France

Comes in 200 gms blocks or blocks above 3 kgs; The best from UK

U bakin sed in souffl g, pasta s and g és, salad , s o with es well liquo r

PARMIGIANO REGGIANO Another name for Parmesan cheese [pahr-muh-zahn]

Us gra ually sprin ted and k pasta led over and s dishes oups

Aged for a minimum of 12 months and a maximum of 36, it’s a hard, dry, crumbly cheese that has great crunch and deep caramel-y, nutty flavour, and not to be confused with other hard cheese, making the rounds by the name of ‘Parmesan’. Comes in blocks more than 5 kgs for institution use; From Italy

BLUE CHEESE Arguably, the best cheese in the world, it is characterised by its blue or blue-green veins that occur due to mould spores from Penicillium roqueforti. It can be easily spotted for its sharp salty flavour, with a creamy off-white inside. Available in 100 gms or 1 kg blocks; From France, Belgium or Italy

Made from the milk of Manchega sheep, manchega has a buttery, rich texture that borders on creamy, while the aged version develops a deeply salty flavour and crunchy tyrosine crystals as it dehydrates. Comes in barrelshaped moulds of 3kgs or more: From Spain

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Exce l ome lent for l past ettes, or aua dishes t Mex hentic ic dishe an s fhmindia ē fhmindia

With inputs from Sudha Kukrejal, Fresh Meat Co.

MANCHEGO [mahn-CHAY-goh]

Pai sherr r with y and m, port robu ost st red s

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1

2

HOW’S THAT FOR A

BOAT PARTY?

AXE hosted one hell of a sundowner on a boat last month. FHM attended of course. Front and centre.

3

4

7 1. EDM+Yo Yo = Smashing party; 2. Evelyn Sharma and Archana Vijaya go toe-to-toe with the Axe Angels; 3. Archana Vijaya tries on a pair of wings and wants you to vote for her on 100 Sexiest; 4. Ash Chandler with Junelia; 5. Models at the party. Tragically, we were too busy ogling to take their names; 6. DJ Candice Redding; 7. Miss Malini with Surily Joseph

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From car boot to 1.2 billion

James Holder, 43, co-founder of style-behemoths Superdry

I was madly into comics as a kid – Judge Dredd and 2000 AD. I’d sit at a table with my dad and he’d sketch out the characters for me. He was an accountant and a ferocious workaholic, and I’ve definitely got that drive to work from him. Not his maths skills, though. You’d have found me hanging out at Southsea skatepark as a kid. There was a real BMX and skate phenomenon when I was growing up and everyone moved in tribes, turning up at places on mass. I idolised skate teams like the Bones Brigade and PowellPeralta, and BMXers like Bob Haro – all their VHS video stuff is still so wicked. This all started out in the back of my mum’s Austin Metro. I went to Leamington Spa art college, nicked all the materials and created garments in my old dear’s shed. Then I’d take them to BMX contests and sell them from the boot of her car. I’m still punching the clock, working all the hours God sends us. I look like crap, with big bags under my eyes, but I love what I do. You can’t fake that feeling. McDonald’s was the only other job I’ve ever had. I lasted six weeks, but it taught me that trying to do anything ‘normal’ is not my fit. fhmindia.com

I’m a massive believer in karma. There’s a lot of business and personal sacrifices to be made, but all things happen for a reason. I still get a flutter in my heart when I see our flagship store on Regent Street in London. I’m bursting with pride when I’m there. I want people to put on Superdry clothes and think, “Fuck – this is it, this is the one.” We’re rag-trade entrepreneurs, always looking to push the boundaries. I’m fine with people writing business books – I read the Steve Jobs one – but you can’t be taught the inbuilt instinct you need to succeed. On our first trip to Tokyo, we hardly bought back any clothes for design inspiration. We came back with cases and cases of drinks cans, stationery, paper clips and packaging. It was a whole new level of detail we’ve never seen before. It’s like with our windcheater, which has a triple zip. That didn’t exist before we did it. I saw this bloody huge luggage bag with loads of zips on it and thought that needed to be on a jacket. My business partner thought I’d completely lost the plot, but when all the zips are down, it looks so wrong that it’s right. We’ve sold two million of them to date. I’m petrified of someone being better than fhmindia ē fhmindia

us. I’m always watching my back, and to do that, you always need to be one step ahead. Every day, no matter what country I’m in, the first thing I do in the morning is run. It could be 35˚C in Hong Kong, or 6˚C in Central Park, but that’s how I always start my day. I’m just as happy being up to my knees in mud in the Cotswolds as I am on a beautiful beach. I’ve been grafting for 20 years, flat out, and now I’ve got a good perspective on life. You can succeed, bust your balls, work yourself into the ground, but what it’s really all about is your kids, isn’t it? We’re constantly making mistakes. Mistakes are fine, as long as you immediately admit to failure. If you try to mask it, you’ll end up in a muddy, cloudy environment that lacks any progression. Driving an amazing car down a country lane is a near-religious experience. Especially on a balmy, late summer evening, with the windows down and a V12 bouncing off the hedgerows. I’m very lucky to have a couple of Aston Martins, and I love to push them to the limit, to the point where I get scared and the blood starts pumping. It’s never been about the money. Never. It’s all about being the best. June 2014

Photography: Marco Vittur

HOW I DID IT..

I’M FINE WIT WRITING H PEOPLE – I READ BUSINESS BOOKS ONE – BU THE STEVE JOBS T TAUGHT TYOU CAN’T BE INSTINCT HE INBUILT YOU N SUCCEED EED TO

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5 REASONS TO SUBSCRIBE FOOD & BOOZE GIRLS

What’s the second best thing to sex-on-toast women? A great glass of sweaty beer, a side of a tikka, three bottles of wine...you get the drift.

You don’t need us to tell you this. But even then for those still not enlightened we find, shoot some of India’s hottest girls to shoot in their delicates. Its a tough job, but ah well.

CARS AND BIKES We drive the cars and bikes you lust after. Sometimes cycles too. Sometimes.

GADGETS & GIZMOS In our endeavour to deliver the best to you each issue, we are constantly forced to change our phones, use new cameras, laptops... so you know which one to upgrade to. Sigh.

ADVENTURE Jumping out of a plane? Climbing a mountain? FHM is always at hand. Yes like a sherpa.

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BATTLE D As you’d have noticed, we’re trying to get more cultured here at FHM. The Cheese and the ‘De’ in the headline of this article would attest to that. But the question is – do you really need a f**king curved TV.

There are two rather obvious questions – it’s curved right? So there must be a sweet spot to watch TV? Would that by definition make these one person devices? Turns out they are as much full family entertainment as Hum Aapkey Hain Kaun. Both, the LG and Samsung TV’s curvatures have been made in a manner that they let you see

the full screen. The TVs are curved at an angle of 35 degrees, that in fact, enhances the viewing experience, owing to its curved panel as opposed to a flat panel on an LED/LCD. A typical flat screen only focusses on the images in the centre, and makes them seem larger, while the images in the edges get faded out easily.

With a curved TV, the edges are protruded closer to you, bringing in a theatrical effect, and giving a definite better viewing experience. The images do stand out with the increased depth and leave the viewer with a feeling of being enclosed inside the display. It’s the closest you can get to experience 3D without those ugly 3D glasses.

STAND LG’s TV rests on a unibody stand, which bends like a curve in the middle of the stand to give a better grip on the base, whereas Samsung rests on a metal stand, just like their previous models of the LED series. While Samsung’s metal stand is not from the 20th century, LG’s TV seems more appealing as the design aesthetics have definitely upped the ante for lifestyle products.

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LG

SAMSUNG

fhmindia ē fhmindia

fhmindia.com

E CURVE DESIGN

CABLE INPUT

LG’s TV is made from a slim OLED panel atop a curved plastic base – which makes the TV very fragile – so if you have kids who run around and a maid with balance issues avoid. And with no frame/bezel around the upper side of TV, this product seems more prone to breakages/cracks etc. On the other hand, Samsung’s TV is nestled in metal bezel covering the OLED panel completely from all sides. This, definitely makes the edges and the panel less fragile.

LG has vested its external connection points at the rear side of the TV, saving on space and making the product easier to use. Samsung TV, on the other hand, sports an external connection box, similar to their 2013 curved model, that doubles up as the brain of this TV, but also clutters the area around it. It also houses a considerably more powerful ‘brain’: a Quad Core Plus 1.8GHz system that apparently runs twice as fast as last year’s 1.3GHz engine. Based purely on design aesthetics, LG’s TV looks sharper and more lifestyle oriented.

SOUND QUALITY

LG SAMSUNG

LG flaunts its Clear Speakers that deliver clear audio output, despite looking small. Samsung, on the other hand, over-delivers as they are known for producing TVs with unimpressive sound output. This time around, Samsung has equipped a duct system that runs along the rear of the TV, giving the speakers more room to breathe and ultimately producing crisper sound.

LG

SAMSUNG

LG

SAMSUNG

REMOTE The remotes are one criterion where both the TVs are (almost) evenly matched. LG flaunts a remote that seems to have popped up from ‘Transformers’ franchise.It also sports a trackball, while Samsung’s dons a trackpad kind of feat in the middle. Both TVs have motion sensors equipped, to make navigation simpler, besides using voice commands etc. fhmindia.com

FUTUE READY In comparison with the LG’s Curved TV, Samsung is easier to control, work, surf and video-chat on. Samsung’s got the edge because of its live TV integration and content recommendation engine. Also, with the marked up price of less than half that of LG’s, Samsung definitely wins over the race to curved TV marathon. fhmindia ē fhmindia

PRICE:

LG 55 inch: `9,99,000 (but you can expect a serious cut in the price soon, owing to the global discount that LG has rolled out; prices should soon be cut by half of the marked price) Samsung 65 inch: `4,49,000

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D-I-Y VIRAL VIDEO

UNLESS YOU’VE SPENT THE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS LIVING UNDER A ROCK YOU’D KNOW VIRAL VIDEOS ARE THE NEW FACEBOOK. THIS RAISES ANOTHER VALID QUESTION – HOW TO MAKE ONE FOR YOURSELF.

STEP 1

STEP 2

COPY/STORYLINE DEVELOPMENT

IDEATION

The first rule is to think of content that would, in the most likelihood not go viral. Though it sounds bizarre and absurd, but the fundamental of viral content creation starts with this rule of thumb.

IDEATION

“The entire TVF team of 15 people sits together, jam over ideas and select the ones which’re approved by the majority. Choosing the right idea is as simple as choosing a film or story of script which people can relate

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to. Ex: 3 idiots is relatable, but AAP KA SUROOR is not,” says Arunabh Kumar of The Viral Fever PRO TIP: Don’t fall in love with your idea, be open to criticism and cynical rebukes.

Initially, you can pull off stuff that has the potential to go viral just by trusting your instincts. But the online world is re-inventing itself every day. You also need to keep the scripts tight and to the point.

COPY/STORYLINE DEVELOPMENT

“The basic idea is like a seed sowed in the soil. It goes through a number of people from interns to head of content, and everyone’s creative inputs are addressed and adapted

fhmindia ē fhmindia

in the script” says Arunabh. PRO TIP: There is no secret of writing great scripts. Just keep writing. The chances of you zeroing to the best script could be one in fifty or vice versa.

fhmindia.com

STEP 3

SET A BUDGET

SETTING A BUDGET

The guys at TVF have found a way to do a chunk of the work in-house by building up their own rigs and devising a way to execute expensive VFX sequences in about 10% of the price. PRO TIP: Use lesser props, make use of engineering background till you build up a pool of your own props. This will help keep the costing down.

The budget, like in traditional films, is set depending on the script. Since the medium is majorly web, which is still not generating too much cash, work on a small budget.

STEP 4

TVF’S TOP 4 VIRAL VIDEOS

GET THE DIRECTOR

GETTING THE DIRECTOR

“Everyone is given a chance to show their creative skills in the production process. This enhances every individual’s know-how of the skills required and thus increasing their credibility.”

BOLLYWOOD AAM ADMI PARTY

3.4 MILLION HITS

PRO TIP: A good director isn’t just creative, he’ll also know how to do the job in less money. Shortlisting a director is crucial. A good director is someone who can absorb the script and produce the intended results with his own creativity, since the target audience is induced via web.

ROWDIES 9

STEP 5

PRODUCTION

PRODUCTION

People often tend to think there is a unique way to go about this, but there isn’t. There is a flip side though, feedback is instant, so odds of you getting away with bad work is very little.

STEP 6

PRO TIP: Take out unnecessary pauses between actors’ dialogues. Try using different camera angles while shooting sequences.

GANGS OF SOCIAL MEDIA

2 MILLION HITS UPLOAD

“You have to be consistent with the content you upload.”, hints Arunabh. Ex: spoofs on politicians around the election time, spoof on examinations around the exam time, etc. The idea is to find a relation to your content with events from daily life, he points out.

UPLOAD

The rule of the thumb is to upload a lot of quality content (say a series of spoofs on the same topic or interrelated topics) with the series of real-life events. fhmindia.com

2.7 MILLION HITS

“You need phenomenal actors and directors. Instead of swanky locations, go for affordable, less fancier and more basic locations. This eventually leads to less production hassle.”

PRO TIP: Make sure you update your channels regularly and not in fits and starts.

fhmindia ē fhmindia

EK THI BEHAN

1.7 MILLION HITS June 2014

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1

HUNGOVER If you are the attention seeker (well, who isn’t), this strong dishevelled cut is what you should carry. PRO TIP “This is a visual hairstyle, so it is key to constantly move around and view the shape from all angles whilst styling.”

HAIRCUTS FOR THE SEASON Out of bed looks sexy only on women and your dishevelled haircut leaves you looking more bum than boho. So here’s some help.

FHM EXPERT Kieron Webb is International Creative Head for TIGI. He specialises in men’s hair styles and grooming. Hashtag: #TheLondonBarber

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fhmindia.com

NO FUSS

2 WIND SWEPT It’s good to be a winner, but it’s even better if you look like one. By lifting the hair away from your face, this cut brings out the best features of your face to the forefront. PRO TIP Use a small round brush for areas that need extra tension to create a slightly more polished feeling to the ends.

WAYS TO TAKE CARE O F YO U R S K I N Yes men use grooming products too. Get over it. The Old Spice man is dead, has been for a while. Here’re some tips

01 CLEANSE: No matter what your father told you, soap is not always a good idea, excessive use of it can cause skin irritation and rob the skin of its moisture, so first, buy a cleanser that goes deep into the skin to remove dead cells and open clogged pores. 02 Wash your face once a day: If you wash it more than once, your face will dry out. Splash some luke warm or cold water if you feel like washing it more than once. Pat dry, don’t rub your face like you rub your feet on the doormat. 03 Remove the products before you go to the bed: Sunscreen and other face product ruin your skin during the night so let the skin breathe and remove them before calling it a day. If at all necessary, use a night cream. 04 Exfoliate every few days: Dead cells and dirt that water and cleanser can’t remove can only be removed with a scrub. Exfoliation will also soften your beard hair so it won’t hurt her quite as much when you make out.

3 BOND/MAFIOSO Look smooth and sleek with this perfectly groomed look. However, you will need to use a lot of gel to get this look. It is also the safest bet when you are wearing a tuxedo.

ESPRESSO SHOT FOR THE SKIN

PRO TIP If you are carrying this cut, make sure you are suited and booted. Doesn’t really gel well with casuals.

RECOMFHM Pond MEND S ’s E Ch nergy Face arge wash

fhmindia.com

fhmindia ē fhmindia

Pond’s has now launched a new range of face washes and moisturisers for Indian men, the Energy Charge and Oil Control. This one contains coffee extracts which acts like an espresso shot for your face.

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JUNE

FHM

d n e i r f l r i G THE

A N I S H I B

E K A R D A N D

art ricketers, p lso c f o r e w ie terv , she a of things, in ecrets. Oh She is a lot part keeper of IPL s knickers. g in nd musician a ges to look smashin a man Ku m a r S a

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u ra v

fhmindia.com

When you look back at your life – how far do you think you’ve come? When I was staying in New York, I didn’t know what to do with my life. I wanted to do everything, but now I have a direction in my life, I know where I want to be. And what is that? My first love has always been music, so I would like to sing and dance a lot. And act too. Cinema ambitions? Yes, that’s the next stop. It’s so hot outside, doesn’t it annoy you? It doesn’t really annoy me anymore…I’ve gotten used to it I guess. Hats off to you. We’ve still not managed to get used to the heat… See, when you are out in the sun for so many days at a stretch, heat doesn’t really bother you. Yes, with the make-up and the dress when you are hosting the IPL, the sun does get tough to handle because we have to keep retouching the make-up. You must be privy to a lot of off-screen gossip about cricketers – you know who hates who and who is dating who? There is no gossip as such that I know of… to be honest. Why is that? Aren’t you bang in the middle of everything? We don’t interact with players apart from the time that we are on air. That answer must be up for a national record in political correctness... No really. Obviously there are after-parties and chat sessions, but who has the time. The moment a match is over, we pack-up, come back to the hotels and get ready for the flight next day. Its not a flowery life that we lead. It might look like a glamorous job, but we do quite a lot of running around so there isn’t much time gossip. If you were looking for a date…which one of the cricketers would tickle your fancy? Obviously there are good looking cricketers around, and interesting ones too, but who has the time to think about them. Ever got hit on by a cricketer? No. You don’t need to name them... Even then, no. What’s the most uncomfortable situation that a lady host can get in on the field? None really. It’s quite safe these days. Not even with the crowd? You need to be careful with the big crowd, but they are mostly very supportive because they know us. Now that the IPL is over, what are you looking forward to in months to come? Bollywood. I’m most excited about that. What are you aspirations at this point of time? I want so much of work that I don’t get time to sleep. fhmindia.com

TIME TO KNOW HER MORE Born: January 9 From: Pune Anchored: After Hours on Zee Cafe, Men 2.0 on AXN, ZoOm’s Let’s Design, Twitter: @ shibanidandekar

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Do you think you have done well for yourself, or you think you could have done better? I think I have done well. However, I do think that I should have come to India a lot earlier than I did because then I would have done much better than what I am doing right now. You and your siblings are quite popular, who is the nuttiest of you all? Has to be Anusha. She is so damn wild that’s it’s hard to manage her at time. And the bossy one? I am. I have always been. I keep telling them what to do and what not to. And Apeksha? She is the calm one. She is very sensible. So, we at FHM , are right now asking people to vote for the sexiest women in the world? Who according to you deserves the title? Beyonce. Why? Beyonce is a beautiful, full figured woman, who has a positive image, is self made and is extremely comfortable in her own skin. If you were a boy, who would you fantasy? Beyonce. C’mon ‘Positive image’ or ‘self-made women’ isn’t the only criteria for us? So then what kind of women do men fancy? Maybe Cindy Crawford or Pamela Anderson? Hmmm. I will have to think about it. Take your time. Hmmm. Gosh! I can’t even remember one name. Can I text it to you. If you are gonna take this long, then yes, why not! Thanks. So, as an anchor, do you ever fall short of words while talking to legendry players or actors like Shah Rukh Khan? I did once when I was interviewing Amitabh Bachchan in New York, but never again. How come. See, I don’t interview them in a question and answer format. What will you talk with Shah Rukh Khan if you are having a cup of coffee with him? It’s these kind of conversation I try to have when I am interviewing such people. Before we part, would you like to say something to our readers? Do vote for me for 100 Sexiest. 118

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fhmindia.com

I’d vote for Beyonce. She’s beautiful, has a full figure and is self-made.

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NINE THINGS YOU WON’T PACK FOR YOUR HOLIDAY BUT TOTALLY SHOULD

06

Lots of pants If you’re packing one pair of pants for every day you’re on holiday, you’re making a schoolboy error of the most pubeless and blazer-wearing kind. Real holidaying pros know that, after a hard day getting slo-mo drunk in 34-degree heat, swapping your baking-hot, squelchy undercrackers for a fresh, chilled pair is the most invigorating thing you can do before stepping out for the evening. Mmm. Comfy balls.

05

09

A cask of ale At some point you’re going to tire of drinking blue cocktails with pornographic names and the slightly flat Kingfisher that comes in 6-pint buckets for eight hundred bucks. Soothe your homesick tastebuds by bringing along a cask of Heineken and some red-chilli flavoured cashews from Goa.

08

A shit phone There’s absolutely no reason to take your next-level, 6G-enabled smartphone on holiday. Overseas data-roaming charges will bankrupt you in minutes and, anyway, the chances of you making it through two weeks of weapons-grade boozing without losing the fucker are, let’s face it, minimal. Buy one of those disposable ` 889 Nokias and stick your sim in it. 120

June 2014

07

Painkillers It’s inevitable: on the first night of your holiday, your luggage will barely have hit the hotel-room floor before you’re swigging your first pint, and you’ll be so overcome with the thrill of being temporarily free of all responsibilities that you’ll keep drinking pints until you can’t remember your name. The next morning you’ll awake to a life-threatening hangover, and the very last thing you want to be doing is staggering around strange streets and wincing at the vicious sunshine as you hunt for a chemist.

04

A second book Many people take a book with them on holiday, but few entertain the possibility that their holiday read may turn out to be a load of horsewank. If it transpires that your book is unreadably crap, you’ll spend all your downtime mindlessly flicking and re-flicking through an October 2011 copy of India Today that you find in a bedside-table drawer. Take two

Condoms Should you pull on holiday, you don’t want to be scurrying off to the toilets in the bar to find that the machine has probably never been stocked. More so over, having a pack of rubber handy boosts your confidence, as you wouldn’t have to bother about this petty essential amidst the course of action. Tragically for you, cinema security will insist you chuck it out if they find you with it.

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03

A massive bag of marshmallows There’s no real use for these, but at some point during your holiday you’re going to pull them out of your bag and go, “Holy shit, I totally forgot I’d brought these!” Everybody in the vicinity will go, “Fucking yeah!” and you’ll be a total hero for about 10 minutes.

02

Two power adaptors You might think you’re Bear Grylls-level prepared just because you packed a power adaptor, but you’re forgetting that it’s not 100 years ago and you’ll probably want to use more than one electrical item at once. Bring two adaptors and you’ll be able to dry your hair and charge your phone at the same time, like some kind of glorious champion king from the future.

01

A pillowcase Pillowcases are one of those things you don’t really notice until you’re forced to deal with a truly bad one, and unless your holiday accommodation is of the fancy variety, chances are your bedding will feel like it’s made of foil and scorched dog hair. So use your own to encase your hotel pillow – when you’re waking up next to familiar 100% cotton rather than itchy polyester, you will thank us. Also, for those who would like to travel extensively, travel pillowcases come in handy while travelling via planes, trains or rickety buses.

Words: Joe madden

books. At least. Most books are rubbish.

See you nex..t. month fhmindia.com

RNI No. DELENG/2013/53365