FHM - February 2016

FE B R UARY 2016 www.fhm.com.ph

THE NO. 1 MAGAZINE IN THE PHILIPPINES

HOW TO DATE

#ALDUB

#fhmdancewithdawn

STYLE

PINOY’S FUNNIEST VIRAL VIDEOS

THE OLDEST VIRGIN

dawn chang

CHILLAX

GREATEST HITS

hot Legs!

big brother says dance With her

MADONNA IS COMING ( Y O U R M O M I S WAT C H I N G) IT’S JUST ZEN & YOGA COOKS IN 30 MINS

GOURMET-GRADE FULL MEAL GET WOMEN TO WANT TO SEX YOU

THE UNTOLD STORY:

MANILA SUBWAYS WE ALMOST HAD

P150

F E AT UR ES

56 Food For one (x4)

P H O T O G R A P H Y : R I A R E G I N O , K U R T A LV A R E Z ; I L L U S T R AT I O N S : M E LV I N C A L I N G O

Prep a four-course meal and impress everyone like you were a master at making food, not just eating it.

62 Are you sAying AmAlAyer? A visual history of the viral video.

66 How to HAve oodles oF sex AppeAl Another handy guide to get the ladies’ panties in a twist

68 revisiting our rAilwAys Four lines for 11 million people. Is...is there still hope for our train lines?

76 sAkurA lAo Daydreams of being elsewhere, we’re coming with her!

82 dessie mitcHeson …thinks golf is sexy. No longer will it be deemed a dad sport, now.

c o nt e nts 0 2 / 1 6

38 DAW N C HA N G Turns out the Hotlegs dance alumna literally does have a pair of really hot legs. And interesting conversation skills, too.

c o n t e nts 02 / 1 6

10 Hot BrAZiliAn Alert!

26 Flirting vs cHeAting She draws the line, are you on the same page?

34 liFe is strAnge …and three other emotional gaming titles, here’s playing with your feelings.

Danielle Alves is a keeper

14 tHe BAtAk Bro kit …And other people you want to be, now made easy to change into, with this starter kit.

18 Anting Anting + gAyumA We rounded a bunch of items made to draw in the good and fan out the bad, and a bunch of scientists to get finicky about them.

20 BAr room Jokes Bar room jokes closes for good this issue, but at a funny high.

LO U NGE

24 Are you reAdy to get HitcHed? Indulge these multiple choice quizzes, Valentine’s is as good a month as any.

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28 tHe gospel oF dAting According to AlduB One advice short of becoming the dating commandments. Does not include waiting for the “tamang panahon.”

30 conFession: BooBs Women can’t stop talking about it too.

AC C ES S

32 reBel HeArt Touching on Madonna trivia like it was the first time…

33 tHe BreAkup plAylist What not to include on your V-day tune rotation.

36 deAdpool dies? Unspoiler: We list a bunch of ways to kill the selfhealing, foul-mouthed bastard.

STYLE

88 multiple personAlity disorder The right clothes for every kind of person you want to be.

UPGRADE

100 AlpHA geeks to Be Zuckerberg and co, plus where to spot the next Pinoy Steve jobs.

103 cArve A nAme For yourselF WheninManila founder Vince Golangco tells us how

104 keep cAlm, do A HeAdstAnd relaxation techniques and tricks to get you through the workweek.

108 sports cAr Alert! 90 meet-tHe-pArents wArdroBe

The Mazda MX-5 rolls in.

Tip#1: wear a cardigan.

110 pAmper tecH

GIRLF RIE ND 96 reBeccA BoggiAno

Our favorite Aussie to date.

Gearing up for self-love this February.

112 true! Stories of utter humiliation to cap off the month.

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P H OTO G R A P H Y : A R I S I M A N G A N , A N D R E O E S G U E R R A ; I L L U S T R AT I O N S : W A R R E N E S P E J O , M I K K E G A L L A R D O , LO U I E A R E N A S

STA RT E R

T H E TEAM: WHAT FHM ers HAVE BEEN U P TO T HI S M ON T H

The gang huddles around the leggy wonder that is cover girl Dawn Chang for a sweet month of love souvenir.

FHM.com.ph staff writer Paulo Aguilera donned his good boy starter pack for the biggest interview of his life thus far.

After tastefully spilling food on the table for art’s sake, you can bet the FHM gang did not let those strawberry wontons go to waste.

ERRATUM: We got confused while writing down the credits for our cover stories. For October, we mixed up the names of the makeup and hair artist for Cindy Miranda, which are Jim Ros for Inglot Cosmetics and Francis Guintu for Cynos Inside Hair Care respectively, and also for the hair and makeup of Queenie Rehman, which are Dave Grona for Cynos Inside Hair Care and Jim Ros for Inglot Cosmetics. Also, credits go to Anton Umali for his interview with Jennylyn last month! Peace, bro.

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Art director Paul lent us his Hot Toys Dark Knight under the condition of death or exile if we damaged it during the shoot.

Chise, Pong, Paul, and other Summit friends practicing the art of urban camo and twinning. Or quadrupleting? Did you think JL could actually do a chill headstand? This must be “SHOPPED!” (No, actually, he did pull off this stunt, and this is a flipped image. Snaps for JL!)

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I S B R O U G H T T O Y O U B Y. . . Team Editor Allan A. Madrilejos Managing Editor Allan P. Hernandez Art Director Paul C. Villariba Associate Art Director John Laurence O. Patulan Senior Features Editor Khyne L. Palumar Assistant Style Editor Mikey Ashlie L. Mahinay Assistant Managing Editor Pong M. Castillo Editorial Assistant Chise A. Alcantara Celebrity Coordinator Allan Altera A N D F U T U R E - P R O O F E D B Y. . . Managing Editor Brian Adrian H. Borleo Associate Section Editor Gelo G. Gonzales Senior Staff Writer Ron Jay B. Eduvas Staff Writer Neps N. Firmalan, John Paulo Aguilera, Mary Rose A. Hogaza Video Production Specialist Engelheart V. Jarilla WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM... Words Cam Arcilla, Stephanie Gonzaga, John Paulo Aguilera, Anne Mari Ronquillo, Abby Mendoza, Roselle Miranda, Vince Sales, Toni Antiporda, Wayne Tulio Illustrations Mikke Gallardo, Warren Espejo, Louis Arenas, Manix Abrera, Gilbert Daroy Pictures Ari Simangan, Louie Aguinaldo, Dairy Darilag, Ria Regino, Kurt Alvarez, Melvin Calingo, Lou Gopal, Shaira Luna, Rey Trajano, Andreo Esguerra, Jay Tablante, Mark Jesalva Styling/Makeup/Hair Badj Genato, Janina Dizon, Julius Villanueva, Ria Casco, Sari Campos, Rhoy Cervantes, Jessica Fang, Elizabeth Suj, Iya Yujuico, Debra Bernales, Jet Babas, Hannah Kim, Beam Mariano F H M I N T E R N AT I O N A L N E T W O R k International Director Simon Greves International Digital Director Gary Broughton International General Manager Mark Beard International Digital Manager Graham Kirk International Content Executive Ryan Chambers International Digital & Content Executive Erin Viljoen International Technical Administrator John Goodchild International Editors (Australia) Guy Mosel, (China) Jacky Jin, (Czech Republic) Dalibor Demel, (France) Laurent Giraud, (Germany) Hans Fuchs, (Holland) Sander Kersten, (India) Kabeer Sharma, (Indonesia) Richard Sam Bera, (Latvia) Sandris Metuzals, (Malaysia) Rajesh Taluar, (Norway) Martin Thronsen, (Philippines) Allan Madrilejos, (Romania) Paul Breazu, (Russia) Slava Rovner, (Singapore) David Fuhrmann Lim, (Slovenia) Uros Majcenovic, (South Africa) Hagen Engler, (Spain) Rafael Benitez, (Taiwan) Saffron Lee, (Thailand) Jakaphatchara Buranabutr, (Turkey) Berk Iybar, (UK) Joe Barnes SUMMIT MEDIA President Lisa Gokongwei-Cheng Publisher Edna T. Belleza VP for Operations Hansel dela Cruz Junior Associate Publisher Aeus Kevin Reyes Digital Publisher Adel De Jesus Deputy Group Digital Publisher Amina Rillo Web Business Operations Manager Dennison Ko Web Programmer Christopher Porto Production Director Elizabeth Rellis Assistant Production Manager Jane M. Puno Production Coordinator Arnel Laigo Production Graphic Artist Louis Arenas Administrative Services Manager Whilma M. Lopez Admin Assistants Michiel Lumabi, Marlyn Miguel ADVERTISING Group Advertising Director Florence Bienvenido Adv. Director-key Accounts Group Regie Uy Adv. Mangers Maiza G. Mueco key Account Specialists Joey Anciano, Junn de las Alas, Alex Revelar, Annie Santos, Suzette Tolentino Senior Account Manager (Print) Ginger Taduran, Bem Caharian, JJ Dinglasan Senior Account Manager (Digital) Lucas Reyes Junior Account Managers (Print) Melinda Kitane-San Diego, Junior Account Managers (Digital) Onnie Del Mundo, Dianne Suegay, Angela Lagahid, Adv. Executive Assistant Rita Barbacena key Accounts Assistants Maricel Adaniel, Ashley Balla, Chinggay M. Cabit Adv. Assistants Lorena Santiago Adv. Traffic Supervisors Eliziel del Rio, Myra Gorospe E V E N T S D E PA R T M E N T Assistant Marketing Manager: Leah H. Basco Jr. Marketing Associates: Sirius Langkay, Gladys Lapitan, Siena Mirano, Kieffer Albert Nonato, Abigail Pinili M E D I A R E L AT I O N S Media Relations Manager Grace Enriquez Media Relations Associate Nicole David TRADE MARkETING Trade Marketing Officer Candace Lobendino Sr. Trade Marketing Associates Caz Marino Trade Marketing Associate Kamille Guirnalda Trade Marketing Ass. Jamie Islo, Angelica Anne Casacop, Daryl Lincod Jr. Trade Marketing Project Coordinator Patric Malicdem C R E AT I V E S O L U T I O N S Team Art Director Jaykee Evangelista Copywriter Miguel Escobar Digital Art Director Rey Etable Associate Art Director Jerome de Dios Carlo Maala Senior Web Designer Teddy Garcia Producer Tara Llavore C I R C U L AT I O N Circulation Manager Alma M. Madelo Deputy National Circulation Manager Glenda Gil Circulation Manager-GMA Alaine Mae Lozada Provincial Sales Manager Alexis Martinez International Distribution Specialist Ulyssis Javier Distributors Group Head Caroline Herrera key Accounts Group Head Malou Rubinos Subscriptions Group Head Hanna Montecer Circulation Supervisor Mary Fatima Flores Systems Administrator - Interactive Editions Rico Cruz, Ron Silang key Accounts SpecialistVivian Manahan, Charlotte Barlis, Noreen Sescon-Peligro, Jinky Rose Calugtong, Jennifer Tolentino, Jenny Reparep, Lhon Bituin, Nathaniel Embiado, Felix Tong II Distributor Specialist-North Luzon Mark Elliot Villola Distributor Specialist-Central Luzon Gian Carlo Peralta Distributor SpecialistCentral Visayas Robert Revilla Distributor Specialist-Western Visayas Ivan Dela Pena Distributor Specialist-Central Mindanao Eric Ferdinand Gasatan Newsstands Supervisor Joel Valdez Sales Representative-GMA John Lakhi Celso, Edward Caringal, Anjelyn Joy Carino Subscription Coordinator Jofet Abad-Legaspi, Joyce Ann Ramos, Raquel Lorenzo Distribution Account Analyst May Ann Ayuste Circulation Administrative Assistant Marjorie Abueme Circulation Administrative Assistant Elnie Marie Santos Export Sales Assistant Legui Brylle Gonzales Telemarketer Michelle Jayin, Ruby Rose Frias

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letterS 02/16

Get in touch!

FaCebook.Com/ Fhm.Ph

ins tagR am@ FhmPhiloFFiCial

tWitteR.Com/ FhmPhil

Fhm@summitmedia. Com.Ph

6F & 7F Robinsons CybeRgate CenteR toWeR 3 PioneeR ComPlex, PioneeR st., mandaluyong City 1550

DAteS WItH JeNNY

HUWERK IT, GURL

SPECIAL ORDER IN THE COURT

Reviewing an important document while waiting for a hearing at Sandiganbayan to start. @MercadoJenny @JennylynNation @FSTopacio, via Twitter

Can you do the #FHMJennylynIsTheSexiest pose? Melo of Las Piñas can! She’s a fan and is hoping to see these photos uploaded on the official Facebook page of #JennylynMercado. @globaljennylynians, via Instagram

COFFEE DATE

SUCCESS!

I finally gotcha!😉😉 @luvdenjenforever, via Instagram

ATTENTION!

I just want to share my FHM collection from 2010. These were my go to sources of entertainment during my training days while on duty at Clark Airforce Base. Please keep my name confidential. Sgt. Confidential, via Facebook

SEE YOU AGAIN

Hi FHM! We were wondering if you could include our picture in your magazine? This is our elementary barkada finally having a reunion. Eli, via email 8 FH M FEBRUARY 2016

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Weekend vibes. Reading the current issue of @fhmphilofficial with the Philippines’ finest on the cover! #FHMJennylynIsTheSexiest I just watched Walang Forever and it easily became one of my favorite Filipino movies! @senoritostephen, via Instagram

MOTOR BOAT

Hello FHM Philippines, I’m an avid fan of the magazine. Can you please post my picture? It’s my birthday surprise for my LDR lover this month. I hope this makes you happy even if you’re so far away! Maria Mercedez, via Facebook twitter.com/fhmphil •

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CUDDLE BUDDY

Woke up early with Jennylyn on my bed. Philippines’ finest for 2016—here she comes! cortezjayel, via instagram www.fhm.com.ph

We HeArt YOUr Art PSYCHEDELIC

I’m so proud of you, Ate Jen! Congrats! @paulodacrem, via Instagram

A SHOT OF SEXY

The Sexiest and back-to-back MMFF Best Actress @mercadojenny coffee sketch. @redgerald, via Instagram

TO NARNIA AND BEYOND!

FHM loyalista here! Nagsimula akong mahumaling sa inyong magasin mula pa noong nasa kolehiyo ako, at hanggang ngayon nabibighani pa rin ako. Sa katunyan, sinisimulan ko nang idekorasyon ang mga ito sa aking pintuan. Leoj Saitam Atlarep, via Facebook

HE'S CURED!

Ano ang mga gamot para sa lagnat? Kailangan mo lang ng Kool Fever, BioFlu, at isang Jennylyn Mercado. #FHMJennylynIsTheSexiest #JennylynMercado @kapitan2792, via Instagram

WALLPAPER LOVE

Wallpaper ko nga pala. Eirel John Sunga, via Facebook

SIlAW SelFIeS

Yes! Got my FHM January issue! I love you mareng Jennylyn! @iamtopherpascual, via Instagram www.fhm.com.ph

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I’m such a proud fan. @abuntojean, via Instagram

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The sexiest in the land @mercadojenny @darvinquino, via Instagram

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STARTER Wi s d o M Yo u s H o u l d n’t l e ave H o M e Wit H o ut

photography: ARI SIMANGAN interview: PONG CASTILLO hair and makeup: MIKO DACANAY 10 FH M FEBRUARY 2016

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a e s She p' e r

ke

D a n ie ll e Alv es ta k e s in t erest in horror flicks, m yst erious m en, a n d ro ma n ce . Gent s, we’ve found our girl! Danielle Alves has the traits that would make men (and women) turn heads: white-asporcelain skin, brown eyes, plump lips, and dark brown locks that make all her features stand out. If just for those, she has earned herself instant admirers in us. But what really has us hooked in the 23-year-old Brazilian model is her straightforward personality and this interesting life advice: Danielle thinks people should make an impact in people’s lives based on their character. Because “that’s more important anyway.” Now how can you not take that advice? This girl knows how to set a good first impression. Love month is up! What are your plans? To be honest, I’m not really sure. I don’t have a boyfriend anyway, ha ha! But I want to celebrate it with my friends. Can you wise us up on how single ladies celebrate Valentine’s Day on that side of the world? Brazil is a fun place, and I’d like to believe we are fun-loving people, too. There are a lot of parties you can attend with your friends. But romantic dinners are a big thing for Brazilian couples on V-day. www.fhm.com.ph

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Rub off some V-day tricks on us: How should we surprise our girl on the day? Keep things genuine and personal. Write her a love letter. It’s your pass to go extra cheesy every year so go for it! You mentioned that you do full-time modeling, and that your schedule can get pretty hectic. Any interesting hobby we’d be surprised to know? Yes. Modeling is a serious industry here in Brazil, and a competitive one at that. To destress, I workout. It’s therapeutic and beneficial in my line of work. But if I really have more time, I watch films and read books. What genre are you into? I’m into horror and suspense, and autobiographies are on top of my list. I think it’s amazing how artists and directors have a way of building up that tension in you when you’re watching those types of films. So taking you to the movies is always a good idea… Of course! I like a good scary movie, something with depth, something that can disturb you. Interesting! That’s a good takeoff point for a conversation, yes? It’s always a nice time talking to someone with the same interests as you, but it’s even nicer to talk to someone who has totally different hobbies. Be with someone who can teach you new things! twitter.com/fhmphil •

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Danielle Alves What’s the most interesting thing a man taught you? When it comes to relationships, I’ve learned that being too romantic all the time can be boring. Keep things easy and fun; no need to be serious and pushy all the time. We’d agree with you on that… That’s why I’m into the mysterious type—men who are unpredictable. People should work on making an impact in people’s lives based on their personalities and not their mere looks. That’s what’s more important anyway. Would you say you are mysterious as well? Not really. But I am a little clingy. I have a tendency to get jealous and possessive, ha ha! Any crazy girlfriend tale you want to share? I once punched a girl in the face because she tried to kiss my boyfriend! Hey, I am not a violent person, but that was just taking it too far. Any tips for guys to avoid making his girl jealous? Get off those dating apps! If you can’t give that up, break it off with her. FH M

Keep things genuine and personal. Write her a love letter. it’s your pass to go extra cheesy every year so go for it!

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The complete

Poser

Pack Fake it ‘til you make it… WORDS ChISE AlCAnTARA PHOTOGRAPHY lOUIE AGUInAlDO PROPS BEAM MARIAnO

N

owadays, with the help of social media, anybody can be anybody. With the right filtering of posts, you can convince anyone that you’re a much more interesting person than you really are. It has never been so easy to box yourself into a specific clique—to be liked, and to belong.

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But where do you begin? Transforming into the new you would require copious amounts of research to keep your Internet persona accurate and defined—but what if we tell you that you’ll only need a few things? We’ve created specialized checklists of all the basic items you should be seen using to pass yourself off as the person you want to be. Get ready to be a new man!

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The ‘so relevant’ bro He may or may not have a political science degree, and he may or may not be currently taking masters in some first world country in europe. He comments on every single issue that happens in Philippine politics, and compares it to how well the government of the country he’s in is doing. every week, he’ll discover a “social cause” to complain about being too under the radar and blames “the system” as to why no one else knows about it. as a pseudo-hipster/pseudo-intellectual he’ll write all of his political analyses on his WordPress blog—where he also posts about pop culture, his Starbucks planner, and marxism.

STARTER KIT:

Che Guevarra tee, upside-down caramel macchiato, skinny no foam, with two shots of decaf, pictures of him doing charity work in poverty-stricken areas, atheists are Better than Christians memes

The ‘hugot dahil torpe’ bro a little bit of self-pity here, a bit of patama hirits there and you have the perfect formula for you to get friend-zoned by every living woman on the planet. on the other hand, Hugot bro can also be a funny hugotero depending on the how he balances the humor and the kasawian. Needless to say, whether or not you are ironically or legitimately hugoting, lagi namang merong pinanghuhugutan and there’s always a reason for hugot even if he denies it.

The ‘saktong gainz lang bro’... bro the days of the bouncer-batak bod has passed. this guy knows that today’s women find the lean saktong-semi-batak-na-saktong-pang-muscle-shirt-lang body to be sleeker looking and easier to manage. this guy goes to the gym to do bench presses, biceps curls, and lat pulls to keep that upper body nice and pumped, and his torso is brought to you by the letter “V.” How about leg day? Please, how would he fit into his skinny jeans?

STARTER KIT: STARTER KIT:

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Plain v-neck muscle shirt, Frisbee, under armour cap, shirtless beach picture or hiking picture with compression shirt, Whey Protein Shake

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Poetry books, a trinket from his past relationships, pastillas, old photographs

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The people pleaser bro What other people think of you is, like, the most important thing in the entire universe, therefore it’s of utmost importance to make sure that you please everyone. indifference and understanding is key. Being open to everyone’s opinions no matter how painfully stupid and misconceived they are because everyone is important. No taking sides, no biased opinions, no being passionate about something you like, and finally you'll be accepted—easy as that.

STARTER KIT: Weed, parent’s money, parent’s car with complimentary driver, shares from berlin-artparasites and Humans of New york

Fanboy bro your fandom is sacred and above any other fandom in the world. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and since there’s no “i” in “team” there’s no need for other eyes nor opinions in this matter because you know in your hearts of hearts that maine mendoza is the personification of beauty and anyone who challenges this absolute truth is “BoBo!” and should reconsider every life choice he or she has made so far in his/her existence. if anyone should blaspheme the name of the blessed virgin may they be struck down by the mightiest of keyboard warriors and let the floods of butt hurt comments drown them, lest the heavens fall and the dirt rise up.

STARTER KIT:

a new haircut trying to copy idol’s hairstyle (see: ea Chise’s or virtually every dude with an undercut, and miley Cyrus), crude memorabilia mugs, rare recordings of idol’s guestings at various shows, makeshift daimikura with idol’s face printed on it.

WHAT ‘MR. RIGHT’ DID THIS MONTH

“Ako na ba si Mr . R i g h t? ”

“Nasasakt an din an g g w ap o.”

“1 like = 1 p ray er ”

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starter

words CAM ARCILLA PhotoGraPhy DAIRY DARILAG OF CHILLED MILK STUDIOS

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Spellbound Can these mystiCal objeCts aCtually work? we’ll let sCienCe deCide facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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suasin says. but she does not discount the peculiar power of faith.

Admit it, we all have a little share of paranormal in our lives. Amulets, charms, love potions, and other whatnots your lola might’ve snuck in your home (See: Gusto ko nang magkaapo). But really, how close are we to getting that promised superhuman strength and irresistible attractiveness?

O UR DISP UT E PANEL Richtofen De Jesus Psychologist Fe Lourdes Suasin Chemist

Lourdes Cardena Nina Cadiz William Gruezo Eleanor Villaverde Biologists

Maden Krista Velando Food technologist

3

4 B U LALAKAW a “meteorite” used for defense against the dark arts. Experts’ take: “if it is a meteorite,” suasin says the sulfur, magnesium, calcium, sulfide, and other composites of the meteorite might have caused it to emit electromagnetic radiation mistakenly thought of as an aura of mystical energy.”

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1 M I LAG ROSA one of those super herbal remedies your old aunt boiled in water and made you drink whenever you’re sick with basically anything. Experts’ take: biologist Gruezo identifies it as selaginella tamariscina, or “resurrection plant.” “the ‘milagrosa’ probably got its name because it looks www.fhm.com.ph

‘dead’ when it’s dried up, but becomes alive again when you water it,” he says. Food tech Velando, on the other hand, says: “while there are a lot of plants that have healing properties, it can also have side effects like vomiting, headaches, and gastrointestinal disturbances.”

2 GAYU MA (PAPE R I N A BOTTLE) the admirer puts a drop of the admired person’s cologne/scent (pawis) inside along with a piece of paper with the beloved’s last name. Experts’ take: "it’s just a plain piece of paper in a bottle. it wouldn’t have any reaction at all,” chemist

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3 WISH I NG CAN DLES Comes in different colors, representing aspects in life that a person wishes to change as they are lit. Experts’ take: Psychologist de jesus, says: “most of the effects of these items are brought upon by a Placebo effect, wherein your consciousness encourages you to believe that something positive will happen. For instance, some patients heal faster when they drink a pill because they believe that the pill is helping them, even if the pill doesn’t really have anything in it.”

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5 MATA (EYE) the eye inside a triangle is what Freemasons call the eye of Providence. the masons have roots in the knights templar, once footsoldiers of the Catholic Church in the Crusades but were later decimated by the same church when they grew too powerful.after the purge of the templar knights, people began to believe that the talisman was enveloped with protective powers of the perished knights, which made the bearer invincible. Experts’ take: “all it really gives you is confidence,” says de jesus. “invincibility is a different thing altogether.” 6 PANG-KAWAY a twig or fiber from soft wood. Pang-kaway, as the name puts it, is intended for “waving” at luck for

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businesses and financial matters. Experts’ take: doctors Cardena, Cadiz, and Gruezo of uPlb’s Plant biology division says the specimen could just be any plant. meaning, nothing special. 7 KAMAY like the pang-kaway, it is said to have the ability to “attract” customers or good luck in finances. Experts’ take: “this object gives the owner a sense of financial security. in fact, it was noted that if you had possession of it, and a rival business sets up near you, it would then suck the luck out of the rival and transfer it to you,” de jesus says. 8 PANG-AKIT a love charm that looks like dried grass or hay, but goes beyond enticing just one particular person—it'll charm any woman who catches a whiff of it. just be careful when you have this in your bag because people might think you’re into a different kind of damo. Experts’ take: “these grass clippings, when burned or boiled, give off odors similar to the effect of pheromones. Pheromones trigger sexual hormones, which could then turn them ‘on.’” says de jesus. 9 GAYU MA (OI L) similar to the oil your nanay rubs on your tummy to avoid kabag. only you add a ritual: touch the bottle and pray to it, as you hold a piece of paper with the full name of the girl you'd like to fall for you. Experts’ take: suasin says that based on its minty scent, it is probably made of eucalyptus, some seaweed-like component, plant seeds and roots. “as a form of kulam, the substance found in the mixture has no significant effect to the person being cursed unless they ingest it.” says de jesus.

FEBRUARY 2016 FH M 19

starter now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.” On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said “Sir, there’s no money in that account.” “I know, said the old man. “But let me tell you about my weekend.” InsideLight, via Facebook

HIRIT HOKAGE

Tisyu lang ang may puso

Alam mo para kang tisyu sa banyo… I never realize how important you were until you were gone. 8 weeks, via Facebook

DEEP SHIT

Life is a lot like toilet paper. You’re either on a roll or you’re taking shit from some asshole. RobertJohnson, via email ILLUSTRATION: MIKKE GALLARDO

Juan Thugz

Bar room jokes Is

it

f unny ?

Juana: Knock knock. Juan: Who's there? Juana: Semester. Juan: Semester, who? Juana: Ikaw na ba semester right? Ikaw na ba ang love of my life. Bal C. Garsiya, via Facebook

Palitan

Handa akong takbuhin ang buong mundo basta ang finish line, puso mo. Fantastic, via Facebook

Habulan

Sige, basta mauna ka… dahil mas sanay akong maghabol. Baby, via Facebook

DIRTIEST JOKE

SHE K N OWS

Necessary prescription

A man walks into a chemist and asks for some Viagra at the counter. The chemist says to the man, “Do you have a prescription for that?” “No.” The man replies, “But will a photo of my wife suffice?” elmexicanoguy, via Facebook

Enlightening

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses 20 FH M FEBRUARY 2016

on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. I guess you can call him a super calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis. MasterBoo, via Facebook

It’s gonna be a good weekend A balding white-haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler

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looked through his stock and brought out a P50,000 ring. The man said, “No, I’d like to see something more special.” At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only P90,000,” the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.” The jeweler asked how the payment would be made and the man stated, “By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it

twitter.com/fhmphil •

fhmphilofficial

What’s it like f*cking a fat chick in an elevator? Wrong on so many levels. Jill, 23, Writer www.fhm.com.ph

ADVERTISING FEATURE

Com e FOR THE

FUN

WITH PREMIERE CALENDAR COVER GIRL YASSI ALWAYS A GOOD TIME YASSII BBENITEZ, ENNITEZ, ITIT’S T S ALWAY

From foiled surprise parties to a little friendly sparring in the ring, Yassi is always up for a good time.

How does it feel like to be part of the PREMIERE Calendar? I couldn’t believe it! Out of hundreds of girls who tried out, I was part of the final six. I’m really happy and flattered.

And you made it on the cover!

I wasn’t expecting it, actually. My fellow PREMIERE Vixens are all so sexy. I feel honored that they put me on the cover. Ha ha!

How was your experience with the other PREMIERE Vixens?

It was sobrang fun! I’m looking forward to working with them on other PREMIERE events throughout the year. Kaya watch out, guys!

What’s your idea of fun?

I get a thrill out of physical activity. He he! I’m into extreme sports, muay thai, boxing, and Crossfit. Lalo na when I’m doing it with my boyfriend. y Now that’s fun!

“I get a thrill out of physical activity!”

YASSI

Benitez @yassibenitez

BEER OR SHOTS?

Shots! Mas mainit siya sa katawan!

GENTLEMEN OR BAD BOYS? Gentlemen! I don’t like bad boys.

HUGS OR KISSES?

Kisses! Because I love kissing— it burns calories! Ha ha!

TOP OR BOTTOM? Bottom!

ROUGH OR SMOOTH?

Rough! Para mas intense! Ha ha!

#FUNtasyCometoLife

PREMIERE DOTTED Condoms with raised pleasure dots for a more intense experience.

VISIT PREMIERE.COM.PH AND FOLLOW PREMIERE ON FACEBOOK AND TWITTER FOR UPDATES ON HOW YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON THE CALENDAR!

Titos , titas , and your woman have asked this question in one form ( ‘Iho, kelan na?” ), or another (“ Tara ?”).

Are you

Because it’s

ready

Valentine’s, we help you

to get

answer…

hitched? w o r d s : ST E PH A N I E G O N Z AG A

1 When your relatives ask: “Hindi ka pa ba mag-aasawa?” Your default reaction is: a. Answering “Malapit na po,” with a goofy lovestruck grin on your face. b. Cracking a joke about how all the poor girls would cry if they didn’t have you to woo and romance them. c. Shrugging your shoulders. d. Suddenly being absorbed in what you’re eating.

24 FH M FEBRUARY 2016

3

2

While in a momol session, you realize: a. You’d gladly waggle tongues with this same woman for the rest of your life. b. How many ladies you’d like to have preludes to a romp with in the next week. Month. Or years. As long as you can still swing it. c. You’ve always only made out with girlfriends. You’re the type of guy who doesn’t rush into things with just anyone—except for that one time you “accidentally” snogged an officemate in a meeting room. d. How much pleasure can be attached to lifechanging decisions you’ll regret later on in life. facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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When your girlfriend gushes about this beautiful church or her friend’s wedding dress, you: a. Instinctively and surprisingly say, “Ganyan din ba ang gusto mo?” b. Do the ‘tsk’ sound and reply, “Mahal siguro niyan.” c. Feel pressured to say something that could be misinterpreted as a vague wedding proposal. d. Just listen attentively and grunt every now and then. www.fhm.com.ph

LOUNGE D AT E H A C K S

4

5

When your pamangkins come over, they: a. Get excited because they get to wrestle or play video games with you. b. Know that they will find you enjoying your online “art films.” Maybe that’s also partly why they keep coming over—straight to your room. c. Eventually find their own corner and do something to while away the time, because you can’t sustain the whole “cool and funny tito” mode for too long. d. Will always remember that you’re the tito who rolled his eyes when they shared how their folks were fighting.

6

Post-coitus, you: a. Enjoy sleeping in and being comfortable with after-sex mattress routines with her. b. Get bored and reach for the remote control. c. Try not to think about how soon you might be able to do it again. d. Wonder if you had just slept with someone who’s just as horrified as you are with the thought of procreative sex.

If your bank statement could talk, it would say: a. “Good on you guy. You’ve got your savings down pat and you’re even paying for life insurance, on top of investments.” b. “Gotta hand it to the ‘withdrawal’ master.” c. “I can tell he hasn’t gotten promoted or hasn’t had a better-paying job in the last five years.” d. “At least he has someone to split the bills with, and looks like he’s not saving up for anything big.”

The last time you went to a friend’s wedding, you: a. Took note of how you wanted to be in a suit and not a barong, your choice of shoes, watch, and bridal car done right. b. Gladly joined the games just because you never seem to get tired of copping a feel as you skillfully move the garter up ladies’ legs. c. Thought for a fleeting moment when it’d be your time to tie the knot and how much these events probably cost. You make the most of the open bar and wake up the following morning with a hangover. d. Folded your arms and furrowed your brows during the ceremonial first dance, cutting of the cake, speeches, and clinking of glasses.

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facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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8

When you hear the words ‘marriage’ or ‘wedding,’ you think of: a. Making out with your girlfriend in a stunning white dress. A clip of you and your best buds all suited up and goofing around. A ring you’ve been eyeing. Actually, you may have more than a few details planned already. b. The movie A Second Chance—that John Lloyd-Bea Alonzo sequel. Plates and glasses being smashed. A wife sobbing in the bathroom. A perennially inebriated husband who sneaks out to the convenience door to grab drinks with friends. c. Maybe a good two, three, five years from now, when you’re ready to delete Tinder from your phone. Or not. Lots of married dudes have it anyway. d. An unnecessary ceremony. Stressful party planning. Just a socially accepted way of legalizing life-long exclusivity. FEBRUARY 2016 FH M 25

LOUNGE D AT E H A C K S

9

Upon revisiting your once-favorite hangout, you feel: a. Jurassic. For some reason, the sashaying pekpek shorts-clad girls don’t have that same effect they used to have on you as before. b. Right at home. You never seem to get tired of ordering the same drinks and practicing your galawang breezy moves. c. So-so. But admit to yourself it’s something you need to do every now and then. d. You’d much rather stay at home and watch Netflix with your girl.

10 You’ve been spending the most money on: a. Furniture, kitchen things, bedroom special effects, and general home décor. Manly home décor, in case anyone asks. b. Your comic book and action figure collection. c. The usual—random lunches out with officemates or a new pair of shoes. Sometimes, dates.

R E S U L T O S T LY

A

M

You are what the “National Marriage Project,”—an international research survey— confirms or calls ready simply because you feel it’s the “right time.” In Pinoy context, you belong to the distinct demographic of male hopeless romantics whose ambition is to be the next Zoren Legaspi in the history of wedding proposals. Will it involve a flash mob? An engagement ring wedged into a pastry? Heck, wedding schemes are all over your browsing history, it’s becoming embarrassing.

d. Your pad, which you share with your “life partner.”

26 FH M FEBRUARY 2016

facebook.com/FHM.ph •

O S T LY

B

M

“Some men prefer to stay unattached or single for life for narcissistic reasons,” says Dr. Angelo O. Subida, clinical psychotherapist, psychologist, book author, and speaker. “They just want the sex or ‘a good time’ without the responsibility of marriage and family.” But Dr. Subida says this doesn’t happen just because you don’t feel like it. “Commitmentphobia is a psychological state, which traces back to self-esteem and attachment issues. When a man feels internally insecure or overly fearful to get married, it may be symptoms of low self-respect and intimacy dysfunction.” We’re not even sure if you’re pogi enough, but that’s a different discussion altogether.

twitter.com/fhmphil •

fhmphilofficial

O S T LY

C

M

Reports and studies that look into the reason for delayed marriages, including a U.S. report “Why Knot?” say couples are marrying at an increasingly older age because of economic and cultural reasons: i.e. it’s taking them longer to reach career stability. Marriage marks a pinnacle—having achieved an ideal status in life. This isn’t a far cry from the state of late 20s to early 30s Pinoy males. You’re not petrified with the thought of lending your last name someday—in fact, you’ve thought about it. But it’s not something you foresee happening anytime soon. You feel you will know, “sa tamang panahon.”

O S T LY

D

M

You’re in a committed relationship and you see your girlfriend as a potential “life partner”—but not in a nuptial context. That’s because you’re not into what society expects the two of you to do. You don’t believe in marriage or kids. “Such can be a case of relationship by convenience,” Dr. Subida says. “Convenience may involve a need to provide one’s self with a sense of psychological safety and freedom. A marriage may be perceived as unnecessary and restrictive by a person even in a loving, committed relationship due to religious aversion, career or business reasons, or some unresolved emotional trauma wound in the past.”

www.fhm.com.ph

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WILL SHE TAKE YOU BACK? “The common factors kasi that will always come into play will be the length of the relationship, and how much she loves you, or kung gaano siya katanga. Kung tanga siya, swerte mo, pero consider this a second lease, wag ka nang umulit.” Jenny, 28, legal assistant

“I don’t think there’s such a thing as forgivable cheating. For me lang personally. Kasi trust is a big part of relationships. Kaya nga siya commitment.” Tessa, 30, research analyst

“As long as hindi siya in love with the other party. Kung purely tawag ng laman lang or he’s just doing it to get my attention pag busy ako, sige, mag-uusap kami. Pero kung may feelings na siya for the other person, mahirap na yun.” Analise, 24, account executive

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Is your woman’s raised eyebrows cramping on your harmless flirting, or are you teetering dangerously on a brave new fault line? Here’s a fun graph to chew on…

w or ds: K HY N E PA L U M A R

m le

to u c h in g dan cing len to c gth lose huggi ye to a ng ng not ros h er w sed gi ha om vin c an ha vi g at a t sw ng aw club i t a ha yy a no Ti ou the nd rp r fe h er ma on le ac e nu co pe m un ck be r, t i n to w o t hi he ls ch t co ee k m m it te d

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15 shades of cheats

The ladies answer “For me, may mga ginawa ako in parties that would seem foul for others, but my boyfriend and I trust each other, so kami lang makakaalam when it’s cheating. Kayo lang din ang may call for reconciliation when that happens.” Patty, 25, account executive

“Kaya kung mahal mo talaga. But he has to work for it. Kailangan tiyagain niya, kasi back to zero ulit kami.” Chinggay, 27, English language tutor

LOUNGE D A T I N G

The Gospel of dating according to

Aldub Turns out waiting for the ‘ tamang panahon ’ isn’t the only love nugget we got from the recordbreaking love team

w o r d s : PAU LO AG U I LE RA i l l u s tr a ti o n : WA R R E N E S PE J O

‘K

alyeserye’ protagonists Alden Richards and Maine “Yaya Dub” Mendoza might still not be dating in real life (who knows?), but nonetheless, the almost-daily dose of AlDub fever lets us conjure up an almost-perfect love story—“almost” because it still isn’t real. (Or is it already?) Now five months running, Eat Bulaga’s transcendental series has not only treated us to our fill of kilig, but as it turns out, provided cues on courtship. We list down a few…

1

Meet the folks Alden had to go through the eye of a needle—in the form of Lola Nidora—when he started wooing Yaya Dub. While it’s unlikely to meet a guardian as difficult as the fully made-up granny, building strong ties with her family usually doesn’t come off too easy but will surely pay off in the long run.

2

It’s about the little things We’ve come to an age where

it’s not just enough to buy her the latest shoes or the priciest chocolates. Finding out her favorites (isaw) or preparing something sentimental (letters for her eyes only) might actually have more bearing. Put some thought into it!

3

Carry your date Not literally, like Yaya getting a piggyback ride from Alden at Lola Nidora’s birthday party, but how he’s “carried” things and just let her have fun and feel loved. From

elaborate plans for your dates to simply deciding where to eat, your ability to be on top of things speaks so much about your sense of ownership.

4

Be gentle, man No matter how comfortable you’ve become with her, you must never get carried away to the point of ditching being a class act, which Alden has been consistently doing since day one. Pulling out her chair, having her home by the agreed time, simply

Being ‘bae pick-up’

Now that they’re on speaking terms— Alden, the Pambansang Bae has also mastered the art of sweet talk, catching the Dubsmash Queen off guard time and again. Here are some pick-up lines he’s used so far. To use or not to use? A: National anthem ka ba? M: Bakit? A: Kasi ’pag naririnig kita, napapahawak agad ako sa puso ko… A: Holdaper ka ba? M: Bakit? A: Alam mo kasi ibibigay ko sa’yo lahat, ’wag mo lang akong saktan…

treating your lady right—just shows how high you hold her in regard.

5

Keep lines of communication open Before they even got to be on actual speaking terms, AlDub has made it a point to converse through Dubsmash or fan signs. Just like Alden and Maine in real life, you and your date still have so much to learn about one another, so invest in chit-chat.

6

Making her laugh never fails A woman is at her most beautiful when she flashes those pearly whites. And you don’t have to try very hard— take a hint from Alden and trust the spontaneity. Just a thing: corny pick-up lines only work if you look like him.

7

Build your personal comfort zone Notice how the two swap inside jokes despite

everyone watching them? That just shows how much they’ve grown fond of each other. If you and your girl already have these sweet nothings, then you’re very much on the right path. Pet names are a good start.

8

Look out for her He may not be as ripped as the Rogelios, but Alden, every time they are together, always makes sure that Maine gets out of every immersion in one piece, given the excessive pinching

A: Alam mo ikaw, para kang joke na corny. M: Bakit? A: Kasi last na kita… A: New year ka ba? M: Bakit? A: Kasi, I “new year” (knew you’re) the one… A: Alam mo gusto kitang bigyan ng Donald Duck. M: Bakit? A: Para may bibe (baby) na tayo…

and gigil by overzealous fans. In your case, being able to stick up for her—if the going gets a little rough—is enough.

9

Everybody loves surprises What’s better than the surprise itself? The satisfying look of gasp and glee on her face that follows, the one that makes you heave a sigh of incomparable relief. That’s also where the magic of AlDub comes in: during moments when hindi sila na-orient.

on my face and whispered, “I love you, hon.” Angelica, via Facebook

, LADIES CONFESSIONS For the love of mamon

Good morning, dear

It was Christmas morning, the kids were asleep and I was lying next to my hubby in bed. I took off my nightgown and got on top of him. He woke up and felt me up nude. I immediately felt his thing get happy. I rubbed the lips of my vagina on his thing, pushing my breasts into his face, trying to suffocate him with my love. I could feel his saliva dripping down my cleavage. He cupped both of my breasts with his 30 Fh M FEBRUARY 2016

hands and massaged my tits tenderly. I was out of breath and strength after riding him for so long but he was still very horny and really wanted to be satisfied. He grabbed unto my waist and started pounding my pussy hard while all I could do was grab a hold of his back. I felt my fingertips dig into his skin with every thrust. I screamed after every one of his vicious pumps until he finally slowed down and laid me on the bed. He finished off facebook.com/FHM.ph •

ALwAyS hErE tO LIStEN, LADIES! Keep sending your escapades to fhmladiesconfessions @gmail.com or Facebook.com/fhm.ph

twitter.com/fhmphil •

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A friend and I got invited to a party where everyone was practically a stranger. We had a few drinks when we started playing ‘Truth or Dare.’ Things heated up when my friend provoked the guys by saying, “There isn’t one guy in this room that can handle my best friend and I.” There were about ten guys in the room. She said she’d wager P5,000 cash if anyone could prove her wrong. Just after she made the bet, a scruffy guy who looked a bit like Russell Crowe walks in. Another guy shouted, “Uy, andito na pambato namin!” My girlfriend put the money on the table and sat the guy down. She gave him a lap dance and started removing his belt. She played with his thing and started from dry humping to full on riding him in front of all the other guys in the room. This got me hot and bothered. When the guy was done with her, he set his eyes on me next. I was being pakipot but eventually had my face inches away from his cock. I sucked on it eagerly, and he rammed his thing deep in my throat. He turned me around and entered my wet pussy from behind, pounding me hard, and eventually coming on my ass. Then I snapped back to the party. Turns out my friend lost. Tough bet. Bicampam, via email

Mountain climbing

I had a crush on this guy from work, so I decided to invite him to one of our group’s regular hikes. I knew that he worked out and had a killer bod but I always wanted to confirm if he had enough stamina to handle me. Nighttime came and people started pitching their tents, I slipped a note in his tent, telling him not to lock his tent’s zipper if he wanted me to visit him later for some fun. My friends fell asleep and I sneaked outside to his tent only to find out that the bastard locked it! I couldn’t believe the guy had the nerve to reject me. While I was stomping around, one of my friends overheard my frustrations. He was still pretty groggy and I was really pissed and wasn’t really www.fhm.com.ph

MODEL: MAYUMI YOKOYAMA; PhOtOgrAPhY: EJAY LEUNg OF MIDNIght BONKErS; StYLINg: DEBrA BErNALES MAKE UP: JANINA DIZON; hAIr: MJ rONE; MODEL APPEArS FOr ILLUStrAtION PUrPOSE ONLY

we got a player

‘I could feel his saliva dripping down my cleavage. he cupped both of my breasts and fingered my tits tenderly’ thinking straight so I asked him not so subtly, “gusto mong mag-sex?” Surprisingly, we were soon kissing and haphazardly taking our clothes off. I rode him inside the tent, being careful not to move around too much just in case someone might see. He told me he was close to coming after a few minutes so I gave him a dirty blowjob and swallowed so there wouldn’t be any mess. While he was recovering, I asked him, “O, ‘di ba ang sarap ko?” he answered, “Oo, sobra.” I told him to get out of my tent before anyone sees, and he did. The next day, my crush approached me and said he forgot to leave his tent open, and asked what I wanted to do

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with him last night. I shouted, “Wala!” and stormed away. That bastard will never know what he missed that night. Fuji, via Facebook

A blast from the past

There’s this guy I’ve known since first year college. I hated him at first. He was so arrogant, narcissistic, selfserving, and he also smelled funny. I never paid any attention to him even though we were both part of the same college org. Interestingly enough, we both graduated and happened to find ourselves working for the same company in the same department, and since both of us didn’t know anyone else, we were brought

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MEANwhILE, IN LADy PArtS I.Q.

heaviest hinaharap The unbroken Guinness title for largest natural human breasts since 2000, belong to Annie HawkinsTurner. With an over-the-nipple measurement of 70 inches—plotting her pups, by American bra sizing estimates, at 48V.

fhmphilofficial

together by circumstance. I got to know him a little better and my first impressions of him changed, and throughout the years he seemed to have finally figured out how to properly take a bath. One time while we were at the photocopy room, he suddenly took my hand, and at first I was like WTF? But he looked straight into my eyes and kissed me. My first instinct was to push him away, but it felt good so I let him reach into my blouse, exploring what was underneath my clothes. No one has ever touched me so roughly down there, it all felt so exhilarating. I pulled down his pants and started guiding his penis into my skirt. He pumped into me vigorously, while I was sitting on a box of scratch papers. He told me he was close, but I didn’t want him to come inside me, so I gave him a hand job while he flicked my clitoris. I was careful to catch all of his cum with my hands, which I then wiped on some bond paper I lying around. We cleaned up and promised not to talk about it again, but a part of me really wants one more go soon, ha ha! Tiff, via Facebook

FEBRUARY 2016 Fh M 31

ACCESS YO U R

M O N T H LY

V I P

F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 6

PAS S

01

M US IC

No virgin like Madonna 57 YEARS OLD AND STILL JUICING IT—AND FINALLY STAGING A CONCERT HERE FOR THE REBEL HEART TOUR. A PROFILE OF THE WOMAN RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SExUAL AWAKENING OF GENERATIONS

ViRgin

1982-1985 Madonna came out blazing with an upbeat disco pop sound and a fashion statement to match: her bleached hair and fishnet outfits inspired a whole generation of impressionable young women that inspired a whole generation of men to seek out these women. In 1985, Playboy and Penthouse magazines dug up nude photos of Madonna taken in 1978, when she worked as a model. Madonna couldn’t care less—she was a worldwide superstar and that other pop star girl, Cyndi Lauper, wasn’t. Hits (to secretly listen to): "Borderline," "Material Girl," "Like A Virgin"

i m m A c U l At E B l o n d A m B it i o n

1986-1991 Between ’86 and ’91, she went on two world tours and stunned fans and critics with her provocative live performances, including depictions of masturbation onstage, as well as gropey co-dancers. With “Like A Prayer,” she struck a nerve among the pious religious for using Catholic symbols in highly sexualized contexts.

Still, she got awards and Billboard number one hits. By the end of the ’80s, she released a greatest hits album, Immaculate Conception. Hits (to secretly listen to): "Papa Don't Preach," "Like A Prayer," "Express Yourself"

E R o ti c A

1992-1997 Her erotica phase certainly constitutes her most controversial years with the release of a book aptly named Sex, which featured erotic photographs of the singer with several other models, porn actors, even rapper Vanilla Ice (whom she dated for a few

months). By this time, she had also ditched the fishnets and sugar pop for a stronger, more sultry image and a more adult sound, practically ensuring the loyalty and love of all gay men, who must have clapped wildly when she won a Golden Globe for portrayal of the wife of a Chilean dictator Evita Peron in Evita. Hits (to secretly listen to): "Fever," "Take a Bow"

dRownEd woRld

1998-2002 This is the phase when she tapped into her disco-club roots and churned out a few club

02 SOU N DTRACK S

Nix these on your V-day playlist IF YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ONE ON THIS THE RED SEASON, THESE SONGS WILL DESTROY YOU. CAUTION, A HANDFUL OF PIANO MEN AHEAD…

I Miss You

Blink 182 Killer one-liner: Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?

When I Was Your Man

Bruno Mars Killer one-liner: Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now...

H ow To S ave A L i fe

The Fray Killer one-liner: Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness…

The Man Who Can’t Be Moved

The Script Killer one-liner: I’m not broke, I’m just a broken hearted man...

m d n A + R E B E l H E A Rt

hits. No stranger to controversy, Madonna’s video of “What It Feels Like For A Girl” was banned by both MTV and VH1 for depicting violence and crime. In addition to that, her film Swept Away (directed by her new husband Guy Ritchie) bombed at the box office. Hits (to secretly listen to): “Music,” “Beautiful Stranger,” “American Pie”

R E-i nVE nti o n

2003-2008 She should have aged by now, but she wasn’t showing any signs of it, and was in fact stealing youth from younger

2009-present In 2012, Madonna performed at the Superbowl halftime show, which is regarded as the most watched in its history. She released MDNA the same year and went on tour. In classic Madge fashion, her performances depicted her usual servings of sex, nudity, and political statements. She was named a top earner for the year by Forbes magazine. Madonna has since been working with different artists of the Millennial generation such as Miley Cyrus and Macklemore. Her thirteenth album, Rebel Heart features collaborations with DJs and artists from electronica to hip-hop. Hits (to secretly listen to): “Give Me All Your Luvin”

Boston

Augustana Killer one-liner: You don't know me, and you don't even care, oh yeah...

I Can’t Make You Love Me

Bon Iver Killer one-liner: You can’t make your heart feel, something it won’t...

Leave Your Lover

Sam Smith Killer one-liner: Don’t have direction, I’m just rolling down this road...

Chasing Pavements

Adele Killer one-liner: But if I tell the world, I’ll never say enough, ’cause it was not said to you…

Heaven Knows

Orange and Lemons Killer one-liner: I should’ve clipped her wings and made her mine for all eternity...

Fix You

Coldplay Killer one-liner: When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep...

I’m Still Here

Vertical Horizon Killer one-liner: If you were right and I was wrong, why are you the one who’s gone?

WORDS : JOHN PAULO AGUILLERA

WORDS : ANNE MARI RONQUILLO

collaborators like Britney Spears, Pharell Williams, and Justin Timberlake. She released her ninth album, Confessions on a Dance Floor, earning her a Grammy and another successful world tour that featured elaborate disco-themed props and well-choreographed performances. In 2008, she released her 11th album, Hard Candy. Hits (to secretly listen to): “Hung Up," “Get Together," “4 Minutes“

It’s a (movie) date!

F I LM

FLIcks, and who to watch It wIth

THE 5TH WAVE

Starring: Chloë Grace Moretz, Nick Robinson, Alex Roe, Ron Livingston, Liev Schreiber Director: J Blakeson

THE DANISH GIRL

Starring: Eddie Redmayne, Alicia Vikander, Matthias Schoenaerts Director: Tom Hoooper

ZOOLANDER 2 Starring: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Penelope Cruz, Kristine Wiig, Will Ferrell, Benedict Cumberbatch; Director: Ben Stiller

HOW TO BE SINGLE

Starring: Leslie Mann, Dakota Johnson, Alison Brie, Rebel Wilson, Lily Collins; Director: Christian Ditter

STEVE JOBS

Starring: Michael Fassbender, Kate Winslet, Seth Rogen, Jeff Daniels; Director: Danny Boyle

It's a plot spun off Hunger Games and Independence Day. Four alien attacks have devastated the earth, and Cassie Sullivan (Chloe Grace Moretz) prepares for the fifth wave—the most destructive and crucial alien offense—with the aim of saving her younger brother, Sammy.

Younger sis. The 5th Wave will take her juvenile mind off finding her dream boy and instead teach her a thing or two about responsibility, family, and surviving the apocalypse. Kind of...

Eddie Redmayne stars as Einar Wegener, who undergoes a controversial and revolutionary gender reassignment operation to become Lili Elbe. But what's controversial and revolutionary about that?! The movie is set in the 1930s, when it was exactly that.

Your best gal pal. Because she won’t question your “curiosity” about seeing this supposedly Oscar-nabbing, humane, and stunning biopic.

Stiller and Wilson are now afterthoughts of the modeling industry. However, the two are hurled once again into the world of international modeling as undercover agents tasked to stop the assassination of world-famous pop musicians (which explains Bieber’s appearance in the trailer).

Your younger utol. Because the film is key to close that age gap. He’ll laugh at the same things you laughed at about Zoolander before.

How to be Single celebrates the bright side of being unattached. At the center of this romcom are a group of bachelorettes seeking the perfect partners in between sextings, one-night stands, flings, and hook-ups.

Your mother. Because then she gets to revisit her youthful single days—but with you on watch. Uhm, we take that back...watching a film like this with your mother might be a bit too awkward.

The first Steve Jobs biopic was a dud; this might be the ticket. Prior to the launch of the iMac, Jobs had to battle his ego to solve internal conflicts in his company that resulted to his clashing with his confidant Steve Wozniak, his family, and his passion to innovate. Now let's see that ego at work!

The girl you’ve been dying to ask out. Because given the weight of the subject matter, the film will pave the way for you and your prospective lady love to discuss and perhaps debate a bit.

WORDS : ABBY MENDOZA

03

04 Playing with your feelings thIs Month’s rotatIon: eMotIonaL tItLes 34 FH M FEBRUARY 2016

Emily is Away

Undertale

Life is Strange

Gone Home

A visual novel told entirely through early 2000s style chat windows. This tale of a relationship with a girl (Emily AKA emerly35) is sure to take you back to the days when Internet chat was, well, exciting.

Set in the aftermath of a Human-Monster war, you play a child who, in an Astroboy-esque manner, can talk to and befriend the surprisingly intelligent monsters, rather than killing them mindlessly.

Have you ever wanted to play a teenage girl navigating high school? How about if you had the power to rewind time too? That’s better! Max Caulfield has visions of an impending disaster but first she’s got teen problems to fix.

Gone Home is about 21year old Kaitlin visiting her father's inherited mansion. The first thing she sees: A note on the door from her sister saying don’t go looking for answers. You then explore for more answers in everday objects.

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WORDS : ASH MAHINAY

GaM e s

AC C ESS STICK HIM IN A SUPER-MAGNET

THROW HIM INTO OUTER SPACE

Disarm him of his weapons with a big magnet used in junk yards. Yes, the ones you see in movies.

Nothing survives the vacuum in space. Direct him at the sun to burn him to a crisp.

DEATH BY MANTEARS

Make him watch Artax’s death scene in The Neverending Story. (see: pubescent kid trying to pull up a horse while a magical swamp tries to swallow it).

05 movi E s

How to kill Deadpool EvEr thought how a sElfhEaling charactEr coulD bE killED off? hErE arE somE

CAST HIM AS A DOCTOR IN GREY’S ANATOMY Everyone on Grey's Anatomy dies. Shonda Rimes will always find a way.

THIS MIGHT JUST DO IT: KULAM

A trip to your local mangkukulam can undo the lab mishaps on Deadpool. Then you can go crazy with the ways you can kill him.

GIVE HIM THE SILENT TREATMENT If everyone ignores him, he doesn't exist.

BOUT HIM AGAINST BROCK LESNAR

Brock Lesnar did the impossible by defeating the undefeated: The Undertaker. The odds will not favor Deadpool on this one.

DROP HIM IN A PIT OF SCARABS

Even those bloodsucking, flesh-eating black critters scared the hell out of Brendan Fraser.

thE foulmouthED mErcEnarY comEs alivE on thE big scrEEn on fEb 10

WORDS: ANNE MARI RONQUILLO; ILLUSTRATION: LOUIS ARENAS; Artist based the drawing/s on the character from Deadpool

CHOP HIM UP

Borrow the laser grid trap from Resident Evil's The Hive to dice Deadpool. Remember to scatter the pieces after!

06

MOST L I K ELY G O I NG TO W I N Best Supporting Actor

Sylvester Stallone in Creed

He may be wrinkled and talk weird, but Rocky can still charm the pants off of sports fans and moviegoers alike! Who’s most likely to upset this win? Mark Ruffalo’s temperamental Boston Globe journalist in Spotlight.

NOT A CH A N C E IN H E LL

fhm AwArds

Best Picture

And the Oscar goes to... The AcAdemy AwArds Are here And our wellreseArched-crAckpoT-predicTions of who’ll win (And who’ll be biTching come The AfTerpArTy) hAve been sorTed inTo A meTer for An unpreTenTious consuming experience

Mad Max: Fury Road

The male population adored the flick for its hot cast, but the Academy is an awardgiving body that favors tear-jerkers over testosterone. Which film is most likely going to win? The Revenant leads with 12 nods. A clear indicator of favorability.

WORDS : ANTON D. UMALI

Best Animated Feature

Inside Out

Looking back, 2015 was bursting at the seams with SO. MUCH. FEELS. It only seems appropriate that Joy, Sadness, Anger, Digust, and Fear get the recognition they deserve. Which film is most likely to upset this win? Filmmaker and weird connoisseur Charlie Kaufman’s stop motion animation sorrowfest, Anomalisa.

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Best Actress in a Leading Role

Brie Larson in Room

Larson delivers a disturbing (Read: winning) performance as a kidnap and rape victim who must raise her child within the confines of her captor’s makeshift prison. Who’s most likely to upset this win? Charlotte Rampling’s ultra-restrained portrayal of a wife coming to grips with her hubby’s dark past in 45 Years.

Best Supporting Actress

Best Actor in a Leading Role

Whether she’s baring her ample breasts or not, she’s a scene-stealer. And as Steve Jobs’ marketing head Joanna Hoffman, she kills it. Who’s most likely to upset this win? Sexy newcomer Alicia Vikander, who gets her heart stomped on when she realizes her husband is transgendered in The Danish Girl.

Growing an insane amount of facial hair and wrestling a bear might just ensure victory for the Academy’s most notorious Oscarpanderer. Who’s most likely to upset this win? Eddie Redmayne’s convincing trans-pioneer in The Danish Girl.

Kate Winslet in Steve Jobs

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Leonardo DiCaprio in The Revenant

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Best Director

George Miller for Mad Max: Fury Road

Not only did he direct cinema’s most adrenaline-fueled, visually titillating car chase, but he did it without sacrificing plot. Who’ll probably win? Alejandro G. Iñárritu, who seems to be a favorite for his bold choices when it comes to his craft (FYI: The Revenant was shot purely with natural lighting). Mind blown!

FEBRUARY 2016 FH M 37

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PHOTOGRAPHY

ria regino of faT caT sTudio INTERVIEW john paulo aguilera STYLING Badj genaTo MAKEUP janina diZon HAIR julius villanueva

i n The pinoy pop scene, T im e arenTs’ p r u o y ly r T ic u l a r had T im e — p a a s a iT s o n g s w h T s e w There e en The n ’8 0 s — w h e h o n T im e T in e ed on no m r o s o m e T im f r e p r Them, made fo s e v e alBum o m ld To Th dance o s e B y u l d e a s il es of They co o s s w n T h e l ik o e h sh w e im as The T Ther ic . T h is w l B u p your mo . g r o o l B u y in f e dance ruled Th io n iT e d l y e g u Talk exc y l geleen e e ik l ld mosT and wou w o n k d woul er. aBouT h

your moTher mighT also Tell you T haT There was one dance group who was The mosT sosyal of T hem all, and T hey called T hemselves The hoTlegs. They supposedly did real dancing, The kind of dance people go To arT school for. iT was led By a cerT ain douglas nierras and your moTher would mosT likely T alk exciTedly aBouT him, T oo.

SPECIAL THANKS TO mr. johnny manahan of sTar magic, janice damasco & mama Bear of pBB

dawn chang

dawn chang

The Hotlegs still exist, and they are still the most sosyal dance group. They continue to hone talent, and once you’re known as a Hotlegs talent, you’re made as a dancer effectively for life. One of the Hotlegs’ accomplished alumnus is this month’s cover muse, Dawn Chang. A few years after leaving the group, Dawn briefly stayed in Australia (looking for her real father). That gave her the chance to showcase and share her talent outside the country. But the biggest break she got to showcase her moves in came unexpected: in the form of a yellow two-storey house “owned” by some omniscient dude only identified as “Kuya.” Dawn finished as the Fourth Big Placer on Pinoy Big Brother: 737. Soon after, she became known as the prime dancer of the batch, and more, as seen in her numerous TV appearances and regular stints (It’s Showtime, Ang Probinsyano). Now, Dawn has the dance floor all to herself. She has fared well under the watchful eyes of Kuya and the whole viewing populace as a Housemate. Now we give her an entirely new stage to play in.

We were the ones grimacing in pain while watching you execute those buwis-buhay poses. What parts of your body are most painful after the shoot? Yung paa ko actually, kasi toe shoes siya. Matagal na akong ‘di nagtu-toe shoes. The last time I wore those was five years ago, nung active pa akong mag-ballet. Pero I guess as a dancer naman, as a ballerina, bumabalik lang yung feeling. Masakit, pero magaganda naman yung shots kaya happy naman ako. You made a name inside the PBB House as a former member of the popular group Hotlegs and eventually, because of those viral ‘Love Me Like You Do’ videos. Could you give us a brief background on your dancing career? I actually started out with ballet. My mom asked me if I wanted to do it, sabi ko, ‘Sige, okay lang. I’ll try.’ I was already 15 back then, so that was actually a super late start. I had no idea about proper training, na may classes pala, kaya I said yes. Pero nung bata pa ako, mahilig talaga akong mag-perform sa school. As in kahit ano, basta performance sa school. Siyempre mainly dance, pero I also did acting and modeling.

dancing e you to take But what drov seriously? kaming e na wala na There was a tim kayang mag-enroll, na pera, hindi ko llet na ako. My ba w p to -s sa ag so m no e’s sh Basas— teacher, Venus BF Homes, in io ud St ry with Symmet n’t stop. bi niya, ‘No, do Paranaque—sa holar.’ Sinagot niya a sc I’ll make you oes ko es, yung toe sh spend um st co — t ha ’t la dn di I — al al-mah na pagkamah yun, dires po Ta o. av a single cent diretso na. ‘Dire-diretso na,’ indeed. Now you not only dance professionally, you also teach dance. When did you go from being a student of the craft to being the one at the helm? Nung nawalan kami ng pera, that’s the time rin na tumigil din ako sa school. Nung halos kinupkop na ako ng dance teacher ko, I was dancing every single day, as in walang humpay. In two years, nahabol ko yung time na sana nag-start na ako. Gumaling ako—naging flexible ako, gumanda yung form ko, nagkaroon ako ng linya. After two years, I became an assistant dance teacher, then after only a few months, I had my own class.

What do you think dancing has taught you? How significant was it in making who you are right now? Everything. Sa dance ako unang kumita ng pera—I was able to treat my family out, to give back to them. Because of it, I was able to do a lot of things: I was able to travel, and anywhere I go I can just dance, maghahanap lang ako ng studio o classes. Kadikit ko na talaga siya. Dancing is my bread and butter. Traveling to da nce means you’ ve had the chance to sh are the floor w ith people from ot her countries. How would you com pare foreign da ncers with Filipinos ? Westerners are very competitiv e. I guess Pinoys ka si are very hum ble, may pagkamah iyai and attended cla n. I’ve danced sses in New York, Singapor e, Hong Kong, and Australia—pina kaconfident ang m dominant and ga taga-New Yo rk. Yung mga danc ers doon, meron g vibe na, ‘mas magal ing ako sa’yo.’ Like it’s their way to in timidate you.

Good thing you weren’t discouraged by the way how things were there... I realized that’s how you gain confidence, pag nakita mong medyo tagilid yung mga kasabayan mo, I tell myself, ‘Ah, mas magaling ako sa kanya,’ kahit hindi ka sigurado. Malaking difference ang nadadala ng confidence. That said, do you remember the biggest compliment a foreign dancer has given you? It wasn’t the biggest praise really, pero it meant a lot. Back then, my former dance group [Provocative] was about to perform in Sydney. Biglang nagkaroon ako ng offer to be a brand ambassador of an airline. Nakapag-yes na ako dun sa isa, pero siyempre nandun sa’kin yung, ‘Brand ambassador ‘to eh, malaking gig.’ Kaya lang pag tinuloy ko yun, that would say something about my professionalism. Maybe as a way to acknowledge my decision, nasabi lang nung manager namin na, ‘If you’re not one of, you’re the best dancer in my group.’ Na malaking bagay sa’kin kasi ibang country nga, mataas yung standards and super perfectionists sila doon. Lumambot talaga yung puso ko, pero ginamit ko yun para mas maging confident. Di ko siya ginamit para magyabang or anything, kasi for me, there will always be someone better. You can’t be the best.

dawn chang

The most cliché of all clichés about dancers is them being good in bed. But what do you think are the other pros of having a dancer as a partner? Mas expressive kami, kasi nga we freely express ourselves through dance. Speaking for myself, aside from being very expressive, very affectionate din ako. May halo pang entertainment kung minsan, so, flavorsome! Ha ha! Most of your performances require sexy outfits, which you have been able to carry well. But have you always been comfortable showing off skin, not just in dancing? Siyempre nung bata-bata pa ako, hindi. Now, I appreciate my body because I work hard for it. Hindi man ako ganun ka-strict mag-diet, pero sobra ako kung mag-workout. And of course the compliments you get from people... Kasi there’s nothing wrong naman showing a little bit of skin, as long as you carry it well. Wag lang magmumukhang tacky. For me, you can show a little bit of skin as long as it’s still classy. And siyempre, you still act like a lady. Aside from your ‘Love Me Like You Do’ dance videos, there was also this particular video of you clad in sheer lingerie that went viral recently. What do you think does that say about the local online community? I guess because society tells us what we should be, kaya kapag may nakita tayong parang, ‘Hmmm...’ it creates a lot of buzz. Pero wag ka, ang daming gumagawa ng ganun, although maybe privately. And I fully respect people na ayaw gawin yun, or yung beliefs are against it. But I also expect them to respect me, my choices, and my beliefs in life. bout you on mments a t. co k a y n a M e prevalen ia are quit social med handle these? ts, How do you ga ganung commen i m g as n K i e. am or d ym Sa ther me an it doesn’t bo the day, I don’t know of probably at the end and that’s e, ar lves. ey th who ing themse of express in a good way. I their way ot ely, it’s n , then Unfortunat oing to get affected g g m n I’ u y if , mean naman talo. Kahit -express ng ako yung -e ag n i d in h aman mga taong anun din n as g re su m I’ M , a a! il h n sarili nila, ha amdaman ro nila. Tao lang ang narar u le lang sig naha-hand . o y ta naman

dawn chang

On the other hand, women have openly expressed admiration towards you, raving about how you’d been true to yourself when you were inside the PBB House. Masaya ako, kasi nung nasa Bahay ako sobrang dami kong bashers, as in mas marami kaysa sa fans. Ngayong nandito na ako sa outside world, siguro parang looking back, naiintindihan na nila na, ‘Ah, kaya pala ganun siya kasi kailangan.’ Siyempre sa PBB, matira matibay dun. Kapag ‘pabebe’ ka dun, ma-e-evict ka talaga. Not even a hint of pretension? Para kasing dagdag-trabaho pa sa’yo yun kapag you filter your words. Wala talaga akong panahon sa ganun. Tsaka siguro ako yung tipong hindi ko kayang itago kapag nabubwisit o naiirita ako. Tatahimik lang ako, pero ‘pag sobra na, kailangan na talaga siyang ilabas. Was there something you didn’t expect upon entering Bahay ni Kuya? I never expected na ganun ako magiging ka-taray or ka-competitive. Hindi kasi talaga ako ganun. Every week may task, aside from the daily tasks, tapos ako lagi ang leader, so lahat talaga ng pressure nasa akin. I was asking myself, ‘Bakit ba ako?

Pwede bang hindi naman ako para maka-relax naman ako nang kaunti?’ Ako pa naman yung tipong when it comes to putting in work, talagang I give my best. Lalo na’t nakasalalay sa’yo yung mga Housemates—like yung pagkain namin, syempre ayokong magutom yung mga kasama ko. How difficult was it to adjust to suddenly living with strangers under one roof? Mahirap, kasi siyempre titimplahin mo sila, kailangan extra clean ka sa mga gamit mo. Actually kaya ako medyo na-pressure kasi first week pa lang wala akong gamit—isa ako dun sa mga hindi nabigyan. Tapos kailangan kong manghiram ng underwear sa taong hindi ko naman kilala! As in, di ba?! All of us are wondering, despite the presence of cameras in every nook and cranny of the House, what does being in that situation do to a person? For me, ang laking personality development ang nagagawa ng pagtira sa Bahay ni Kuya. Let’s say there’s a problem. Dito sa outside world, ang

dali mong i-divert yung attention mo to somewhere or something para makalimot. Cellphone, Internet, call a friend, go shopping, get a drink, whatever. Sa Bahay ni Kuya, wala yun lahat—you have to face it on your own. Of course there’s Kuya; but you cannot turn your back on whatever issue you’re facing. Kahit ayaw mo o mahina ang loob mo, kailangan mo siyang harapin. And dun mo mare-rerealize na hindi ka naman pala mamamatay pag ginawa mo yun. Mas magiging strong ka pa at lalong lalawak yung pag-intindi mo. Tapos you have to earn everything; we don’t have money inside the house. discovered hat have you Ultimately, w le ho w e lf from th about yourse experience? ive, as in that competit aka naThat I could be Ts o. o sumusuk ically, yung hindi ak ys rance ko—ph test yung endu na mentally. lalo emotionally, ng yung wala ka Nakakabaliw you have d an , nd ie fr nakakausap na , not knowing if they ones to make new not. FHM or e in nu ge e ar Dawn would like to thank Ketonic Diet Ph, Finessa Aesthetica, Coach Chris Martin Bond, Supah Shop, Shnukum Manila, The Urban Hour, and Hazel Asuncion.

dawn chang

dawn chang

dawn chang

Love Go the extra mile to show her your love this Valentine’s Day. Take Rogin-E daily.

you haven’t already MARK YOUR CALENDAR Ifstarted preparing for

February 14, get on it. At times, it can be difficult to make time for your significant other. But if there was ever a time to put in the extra effort for her, it’s this month, on that date. The man on top is necessarily a man who can give his all for his woman, especially on Valentine’s Day. Spare no expense and pull out all the stops. Take Rogin-E, a male multivitamin with a unique combination of Ginseng for endurance, Deanol for potency, and Royal Jelly for vitality.

AWB-1980861512

dawn chang

a e b

in

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Impress your lady and your folks wIth thIs four-course meal you can whIp up In your almost-bare kItchen, wIth your lIttle—to non-exIstent—cookIng skIlls, In just under 30. It’s tIme you reIgn In that part of your man cave, mIster

W O R D S

Pong Castillo & Roselle MiRanda R E C I P E S

&

F O O D

S T Y L I N G

Roselle MiRanda

P H O T O G R A P H Y

KuRt alvaRez

5—min

.

d a l Sa corn, bacon, d salad n & almo

bacon

1pack 200-gram

corn

1/2 cup, drained

almond

1/4 cup slivered 1 bunch green lettuce 1 bunch red lettuce 1/2 cup Caesar dressing

1 A nonstick frying pan avoids delays over burnt meat (no need for oil change), and evenly cooks thin slices such as bacon. Cook your bacon over medium heat. Pat off the excess oil using paper towels then set aside. 2 Fresh, crispy lettuce saves you time from cutting and peeling because you can practically just tear it off by hand. Top with bite-sized bacon, almonds, corn, and drizzle with dressing. Be generous, no judgments here.

tIp

To keep greens from being soggy: Dump into the middle of a kitchen towel, fold to enclose. Pull towel from both ends, spin, and open. Easy.

KEY MA N-KITCHEN TO O L

salad bowl

(AKA your popcorn bowl)

58 FH M FEBRUARY 2016

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kItchen hack

KEY MAN-KITCH EN TO O L

Yes, you can “bake” a steak! Roasting in a toaster oven results in even cooking–without resulting to a smoky room. Just remember to preheat the oven until hot, and use a meat thermometer.

cast Iron pan or an oven toaster

tIp

Get steaks at least 1-inch thick so there’s less chance of overcooking your meat.

steak

2 (280 grams each) 1-inch thick New York Strip 2 tablespoons canola oil 1 teaspoon dried thyme leaves 6 garlic cloves, unpeeled, lightly smashed 2 tablespoons butter Salt and ground black pepper

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1 Season steaks generously with salt, ground black pepper, and dried thyme on both sides. 2 Heat a cast iron pan over medium-high heat. Add oil, and swirl to coat. Once oil begins to simmer, add steaks and garlic. Remove garlic once golden brown. 3 Cook steak until underside is browned, flip and cook until browned as the other side. Continue cooking until at the desired doneness. Top with butter, and let melt, basting until done. 4 Let steak rest at least 5 minutes before carving and serving, which by the time is still cooking.

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. n i m — 10

k a e St -basted butter ak) Ic l r a &g ste ( t h y m ew y o r k s t r Ip ne

FEBRUARY 2016 FH M 59

KEY M AN- KI T C H EN T OOL

mIcrowave oven (AKA the greatest invention ever)

3—min

.

n o m Sa l f Il l e t almon t Q u Ic k s a l m o n d c r u s w It h a n

salmon

1 1-1/2-inch thick fillet, bones and scales removed

almonds 1/4 cup slivered

1 tablespoon prepared mustard Salt and ground black pepper, to taste

1 Season salmon fillet with salt and ground black pepper to taste. Brush with mustard, then sprinkle with almonds. Pat down as needed. Place on a microwaveable dish. 2 Wet 2 paper towels. Lightly cover salmon with wet paper towels. This will allow fast cooking time without burning the fish. Microwave on High for 1 minute. Remove paper towels, and serve immediately. It’s best hot!

tIp #1

See white stuff on your salmon? Stop cooking! That’s a sign you’re about to overcook (or might already have overcooked) your fish.

tIp #2

Ask your suki to descale and remove the bones from your salmon fillet to save you time and the hassle (Scales fly!).

60 FH M FEBRUARY 2016

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tIp

Indulge. Be generous with the Nutella and powdered sugar.

. n i m — 10

t r e D e ss erry strawb & a l l nute wontons

nutella 1/4 cup

strawberrIes 4 pieces, hulled, quartered 8 large square wonton wrappers Oil for frying

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1 Lay a wonton wrapper on a cutting board. Drop a teaspoon of Nutella in the middle. Top with half a strawberry. Wet edges of the wonton with water with your finger, then fold over wet edges of the wonton until closed. Repeat with remaining wonton wrappers. 2 Heat enough oil in a deep frying pan over low heat to reach about 1 inch up the sides. Lightly fry the wontons until both sides are lightly golden brown, about 1 minute. Drain on paper towels. Sprinkle with powdered sugar before devouring.

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FEBRUARY 2016 FH M 61

as we stand on the cusp of virtual reality possibly becoming mainstream at last–thanks to things like oculus rift, htc vive, playstation vr, etc.–let us look back at the illustrious time-wasting history of the viral video. ever faster internet connections (yes, even here in our technological backwater), smartphones, tablets, and other gadgets have made moving pictures the preferred vector for viral content–when was the last time you’ve heard anyone say “viral photo” anyway?

BL O O PE R S

A VISUAL HISTORY WORDS

ash Mahinay

YouTube was partly inspired by one of the co-founders questioning why it was so hard to find a video of Janet Jackson’s infamous “wardrobe malfunction” during the 2004 Superbowl. When the tube launched in 2006, that need was confirmed by a lot of the early viral content—being things we wanted to see again after their fleeting half-lives on our televisions. In fact, after the death of early social media sites such as Friendster and Multiply, YouTube is almost the only place to find evidence of yesterdays’ pop culture.

S CAND AL

Once only surreptitiously shared on our mobile phones (“P’re, pa-Bluetooth naman!”), scandal videos had their brief moment in the sun whenever they got uploaded to YouTube. Back then, ‘scandal’ was synonymous with ‘sexy time’, but as it got harder and harder to keep them uploaded for any reasonable amount of time, the term scandal transformed into unsavory public transactions caught on tape…err cellphone. The growing accessibility of smartphones with decent camera quality also contributed to its growth the past few years—it’s much easier to propagate a scandal if the participants aren’t a blurry mess of pixels after all. Social justice warriors claim keeping these videos online and accessible violates rights to privacy and all that–especially once the subjects have come out as repentant and all–but it mostly just proves that we’re all into a little schadenfreude*.

jollibee scandal It’s obviously been taken down so here’s a picture of sad Jollibee instead.

Michael Fajatin has no idea what he’s doing this is news Testament to this clip’s staying power is that everyone loaded it up again when news of his leaving GMA came out last year.

2005

DU BS

Way before Dubsmash, we just had plain dubs from enterprising Pinoys doing the exact opposite: layering vocals over videos of famous movie scenes. The amount of effort in doing so will make you wonder, “Wow, daming oras.” But then you look in the mirror and realize how much time you’ve spent watching these often-multipart series. This type of viral has been relatively dormant lately, perhaps because YouTube is much more fussy about copyrighted content nowadays.

goes live!

2006

thriller inMates MJ FAN CLUB Before Bilibid inmates with their HDTV’s, we had these guys.

OF THE VIRAL VIDEO Market! Market! scandal sabUnUtan Before Facebook-shaming became commonplace, YouTube was the place for disgusting human behavior.

claUdine barretto says “pUtang ina” like we all do when we slip live proFanity Except it’s good for 5 million views when she does it!

i’M janina san MigUel and… oh My god…i’M sorry, ha ha! poise She won though!

2007

2008

benjo at ang batalyong pitbUll bisaya gid Running rooster! Kicking fish!

jiggy Manicad the waterbender este... oMg! nahulog ang ilog sa bata!

alan k sings his heart…teeth oUt hello world We like how everyone on set couldn’t take it either.

2009 gost payter cartoons Featuring a dick pic that has evaded Youtube censorbots to this very day.

2010

robert carabUena vs MMda street Fighter The tables have been turned, though, with all the dashcam videos of erring MMDA officers we get nowadays.

aMalayer? oMg!? The bright spot that can be gleaned from videos like these is that people are way more wary of being recorded nowadays, at least.

2011 christopher lao was not inForMed baha Poor depth perception is a thing, people.

2012

ricky lo oFFends anne hathaway yoU know lea? Doesn’t Mr. Lo know you should never ask girls about their weight?

jiggy Manicad thinks yoU are all shit– literally Mga tae kayo Freudian slip?

2013

bUlalo hindi cUp noodles! beast Mode If it were a bulaluhan we’d understand his rage, but starting with the letter B is all that is has in common with a bakery…

2014

princess away dahil sarah sa dota patatas trash talk With bonus property Breathing new life into an old classic–in the destruction! worst way perhaps.

SI NGIN G V IDEO S

Perhaps a more productive use of our countrymen’s vocal blessings compared with dubbing old animé. Ellen Degeneres’s discovery of a then-girly Charice Pempengco on YouTube showed off the power of going viral in the real world when the diminutive belter got invited to her show, and a musical career followed. Other stars have been launched since then, but she’ll always be remembered as the girl who was discovered on YouTube first–and singing videos will always be a Pinoy favorite on the tube.

T RE N D V IDE O S

By 2010, checking on YouTube had become a daily habit, and trends began to form from its primordial soup of randomness. This is where we got many versions of the same video–some end up as decent efforts, some are embarrassingly bad takes, and some versions are so well-made (or bad) that they transcend even the original source materials. The idea of viral videos being purposely-created content started becoming familiar with the advent of these copycat creations. Why else would you make your own ‘Harlem Shake’ video otherwise?

2005 Recently, Facebook has facilitated the viral success of another social media network: Vine. Basically video Instagram before Instagram supported video themselves, Vine’s 6-second clips are infinitely loopable. But when was the last time you saw someone playing around with the actual Vine app? What often happens instead is these Vine vids get recorded and transplanted into Facebook posts or YouTube compilations in a greatest hits manner. You won’t find scandals or bloopers here, just content that will entertain even on the 10th replay–perfect viral breeding ground then!

V IN E

T HE V IRAL C E L E BRI TY

2006

hey, baby! artists do it, too Witness comic creator Gerry Alanguilan sharing his ultimate “come here” face with all of us. Why? We don’t know either

charice peMpengco singing whitney hoUston sUper pipes Now she definitely does not have nothing.

2007

2008

rin and roX dUet Not all singing acts fly solo as proven by this good-looking duo.

2009

swing FroM these vine accoUnts The undisputed example of this can be no other than Maine Mendoza or Yayadub, who blew up the Internet with her Kris Aquino rendition on Dubsmash. The lipsyncing Dubsmash service combines several types of content in one convenient clip: trends, dubs, singing, and the self-made intimacy of Vine—no wonder it blew up in popularity almost overnight. It’s admittedly not as popular today, but somewhere out there, the next big thing is coming– and you’re sure to read about it on your feeds. But the more lasting legacy is how viral video stars can now become more than Internet sensations and use that momentum to transition into mainstream media. Go make some funny faces into your front camera today!

ato ni vines

jonel’s brieF dark history According to the description, it was their school project in 1999. Thus we would have been deprived of this had YT not existed.

brusko bros

regine nukimizu

Filipino vines Fb page

venUs raaaaaaa! reaction videos Reaction videos are pretty commonplace nowadays–many people deliberately shoot and upload them as regular programming for everything from The Voice decisions to Star Fliptop Wars’ trailer–but this rap classic from 2010 is Many of the local rappers on the radio never to be topped. today cut their teeth on this legendary channel.

2010

2011

petra MahaliMUyak Her viral video prowess landed her on our cover! The fact that she’s got quite the figure had nothing to do with it at all, nope, nothing at all… dancing Manongs rUMble in the jUngle More fun than a night out at Valk...

“randoM girl oF sM MegaMall” karaoke QUeen Zendee Rose Tenerefe eventually grabbed a recording contract thanks to this!

call Me Maybe Ft. it girls Friendship When eyecandy and virals intersect, it’s pretty great!

2012

galawang breezy coUple goals Sometimes trends are local in origin too!

2013

2014

Manny thUg liFe no tiMe For that *drops mic*

harleM shake pa-Uso Notable for warring DLSU vs ADMU editions.

crazy in love cover version She’s a man... in case there was any doubt.

bogart the eXplorer His viral video prowess landed him in our pages! The fact that he’s got quite the figure possibly had something to do with it…

2015

hUgot by p.a.r.d. Fresh beats As if it wasn’t catchy enough, you’ve also got several FHM babes in there.

gwiyoMi cUte overload Alodia knows what’s up.

PS YCH O LOG IC AL B AS IS : A book called Men Are Like Are Like Waffles Women Are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Farrel, relationship counselor, proposes that “yung brain ng girls dikit-dikit na, they relate one thing to the other so when deciding if they want to hook up with you. They take into account other aspects of relationship like, if you’re buffed to the point that it looks like you spend all your free time in the gym, she could question if you are willing to sacrifice some of your gym time to prioritize her needs,” Llorador interprets.

EX PEr T AD VIC E: Kirst Viray, COSMOMAN Centerfold Model

BE THE L EAN, NOT-S O-M EAN SEX MA CHI NE

W OR DS C HI SE AL CAN TAR A

H OW T O MAK E IT HA PP E N D IE T: Have most of your carbs during the morning then, less and less as the day progresses. Two cups of rice in the morning, one at lunch, and just ulam during dinner. W OrK - OuT : Once you achieve the body built you are looking for, maintain the heaviness of the weights so you won’t add more volume to your muscles. C ArD I O: Also, try to walk all the time, everywhere you go so you can still perspire and be active even when you’re not exercising.

IL L U S TR AT IO NS ME LVI N C A L I N G O

Mos t of u s semi-gwapo , u su ally f un ny , g en er a lly li k ea b l e g u y s h a v e a sk ed ou rs elv es t his qu est io n mor e tha n a fe w ti me s: “ Bakit wala pa ring nagkakagusto sa akin ?” We g ot he a d g ui da nc e cou n s e l o r , Ir a L l o r a d o r a n d ex pe rt s f ro m d if fe re nt fi eld s t o he lp y o u b ri ng ou t th e s e x i n e s s i n y o u

HOW TO BE MR. LAY P S YC HOLOGIC A L BA S IS : “Cleanliness and good hygiene show that you’re healthy and you have a certain sense of responsibility. It’s like you know what you’re doing with yourself and you have things under control,” Llorador notes. “Though, it also helps to have your own unique style that you can have people familiarize you with so they develop, again, this certain level of comfort,” says Llorador.

Good fitting clothes are always a must to not look sloppy, droopy, or lazy.

A good pair of shoes will get you far. Let people take a second look and make a statement.

But don’t overdo trying to make a statement by wearing something completely inappropriate for the occasion. Always note where you’re headed and what you’ll be doing.

HOW TO MA K E IT HA P P EN It’s important to know what you’re dressing up for. If it’s for every day work (without uniform), then it’s best to go with what you’re comfortable with because you can actually make a statement about yourself and feel like you’re staying through to it.

EXP Er T A DVIC E: Badj Geneto, professional stylist

THE LOOK

PS YC HO LO GI CA L B A SI S: “The extent on how comfortable you can be around someone revolves around many factors but most of them involve emotional connections which can be achieved through sharing heightened emotional experiences with that person. This is why being funny and making her laugh or watching a horror movie together can be a good way for you and the person you are attracted to get closer,” says Llorador.

EX PEr T A D VIC E: Ma. Sylvia Pengson, Curriculum Director, John Robert Powers

MA XI MUM COMF ORT

Having a good sense of yourself translates to charisma and self-worth.

Having little knowledge of the topic gives you chance to gain insights from other people. Value their opinion and show them that you are interested in what they think.

While being able to contribute to the conversation is impressive, you shouldn’t be afraid of having nothing to say. Learn to listen.

H O W T O MAK E IT HA PP E N Expose yourself to the world and gain knowledge in conversing well. Remember: social skills can be learnt through interaction.

P S YC HOLOGIC A L BA S IS : “You can tell a lot about a person’s intentions from the signals they send through their body language, especially through their eyes and what they do with their mouths,” says Ira Llorador.

E X P E rT A DVIC E: Dairy Darilag, fashion photographer

F L A S H THAT SEDUCTIVE SMIZE

P S YC HOLOGIC A L BA S IS : “If you still haven’t had the chance to share any experiences with her, heightened feelings can also come from fond memories. The brain processes smell faster than most senses and that makes association with memories an easier process,” adds Llorador.

E X P ErT A DVIC E: Wiji Lacsamana, Owner of Radioactive Mushrooms in the Forrest Memory-perfume

Y O U SMELL F A MI LI AR

When your smile causes your eyes to become too small (#Chinitoproblems), tone it down. Mysterious smiles for angular faces, and different angles for selfies for rounder faces to make them skinnier.

HOW TO MA K E IT HA P P EN Internalize a story you want to project. Imagine yourself reading a book or checking your phone when you suddenly hear a girl’s voice. You look up to see your crush smiling at you. Smile back.

Try natural perfumes. They smell different on everyone because they blend with your body’s ph level, and do not mask your skin’s natural chemical properties.

HOW TO MA K E IT HA P P EN There’s no “one scent” that attracts all the ladies—it’s all a matter of preference. Try getting to know the girl you’re wooing to get a clue as to what she likes.

t h e

tr a ck s of l o st hope

Four r ai l way l i n e s s e r vi n g t h e e n t i r e o f Met r o Mani l a—al l 11.5 mi l l i o n p e o p l e l i vi n g i n i t — i s wrong . No other way to sa y i t . Ma k e s yo u p i n e f o r a t i m e when the c i ty was s m a l l a n d q u a i n t , w h e n w e h a d s tr eet c ar s and s tee l l o co m o t i ve s s n a k i n g t h r o u g h i ts di s tr i c ts and s u b u r b s , a n d a f u t u r e i n s u b w a y. Y es , ther e w a s a ct u al l y s u ch a t i m e

WORDS

ALLAN P. HERNANDEZ ALL OLD PHOTOS

UNLESS OTHERWISE INDICATED, ARE FROM THE COLLECTION OF JOHN TEWELL AND ARE USED WITH PERMISSION (flickr.com.photos/johntewell) SPECIAL THANKS TOMMY DELA

CRUZ, RIZAL LIBRARY, ATENEO DE MANILA; LOU GOPAL, MANILA NOSTALGIA RECENT PHOTOS

MARK JESALVA

f you look at the Tokyo Subway Route Map, you’d say it resembles a circuit board, only crazier. There are letters and numbers inside rectangles and squares connected by meandering lines of blue, green, red, purple, gold, and eight other different colors, representing 13 lines and 285 stations with a total track length of 304.1 kilometers, serving over eight million passengers daily on estimate. This is not even the sum of it—in all, Tokyo has 882 interconnected railway stations serving a grand total of 40 million passengers, making the Tokyo urban railway network the most extensive and the most used in the world. Hong Kong’s Mass Railway Transit (MRT) is much simpler, laid out with eight lines running logical straight paths and mostly 90 degree turns, with a number of interconnections. Unlike the Tokyo subway, where you can get lost just by looking at the map, you can clearly see the origins and destinations of each line in the Hong Kong MRT. Still, it represents 218.2 km of track and 155 stations, practically stopping at every important district in the city, serving an average of 4.71 million passengers daily. Singapore’s Mass Rapid Transit (MRT) and Light Rail Transit system (LRT) is not much different from Hong Kong’s, although it is much more elegantly laid out. [This early we make this distinction: LRT is light rail and MRT is heavy rail. The differences are in the train sizes and passenger capacity. Logically, heavy rail is bigger and serves more people.] Presently, there are five working lines in the city, stretching 170.7 km with 121 stations serving 2.8 million passengers daily. Eight more lines are either under construction or in the planning stages. Of the ones being constructed, the Circle Line is the most impressive—on the map it is, in fact, a perfect yellow circle underneath the city, with trains to go round and round through Harbourfront and Marina Bay. Meanwhile, Metro Manila has four lines. Four. On the map they look like cracks in the ground.

Barely moving

Running 19.65 km from Roosevelt Avenue in Caloocan to Baclaran is LRT 1, the first among the three lines to be constructed, opened in 1984. There are 20 stations along the line serving an average of 470,700 passengers daily. Stretching from Santolan, Pasig to Recto for a total length of 13.8 km is LRT 2, the newest line in the network, opened in April 2003. It has 11 stations serving 195,000 passengers on average, mostly students enrolled in the University belt. The trains on this line are of the heavy rail type, and by far the best we have. The eastern end of the network, which is currently Santolan station, is now being extended to Masinag, the gateway to Antipolo and Cogeo. Plans for the western end to extend from Recto to Pier 4 are in the works. No doubt the busiest, and infamously so, of the three is MRT 3, more popularly known as the Edsa line. Running from North Avenue in Caloocan to Taft Avenue down south, it traverses Metro Manila’s main highway for a total of 16.9 km of track. Almost 600,000 passengers take the train every day, and yet its maximum capacity is only 450,000. The fourth line belongs to the Philippine National Railways (PNR) and is called the Metro Commuter Line. It runs 56 km from Tutuban station in Tondo to Laguna, passing through 27 stations along Manila, Makati, Taguig, Parañaque, and Muntinlupa, serving 100,000 commuters on average, primarily those living in the south. The line is, in fact, a part of the currently unserviceable South Main Line, or the Bicol Express, because it runs all the way to Sorsogon in the Bicol Region. In total, Metro Manila has 106.3 km of track and 72 stations, with no real interconnections (foot bridges don’t count). Compare these with Singapore’s urban railway numbers, and note that in terms of land area, Metro Manila (638.6 sq. km) and Singapore (718.3 sq km.) are almost the same, but our population (11.5 million) is twice as theirs (5.5 million). On top of all that: problems with track maintenance, station management, the quality of the trains themselves, and ultimately, bureaucratic corruption explain the daily torture that train commuters experience. Beginning with long queues to packed cars, to frequent

HOW WE STACK uP WITH THE TRAINS OF OuR NEIgHBORS

Clockwise from left: The Manila tranvia route; a book illustration of the Plaza Goiti station; the present chaos of MRT 3, or the Edsa line; Edsa, depicted as a choked artery; the old locomotives of the Manila Railway Company, which once ran a Marikina and Antipolo line.

METRO MANI LA RA I L TRANSI T SYS TEM LI NE 106.3 KM PASS ENGERS 1.36M DAI LY

[ Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden ]

[ Suitengu Shrine ] [ Tokyo Metropolitan Government ]

[ Yoyogi Park ]

[ Meiji Jingu Shrine ] [ National Diet Bldg. ]

TOKY O SuBW A Y NETW ORK LI NE 304 KM PASS ENGERS OVER 8 M DAI LY 2015.11

malfunctions and one major accident in 2014 when a stalled train came uncoupled with another train pushing it from behind, freewheeling straight out of Taft station, with passengers inside the cars, injuring 38. Your next immediate question would have to be: How did we end up with this? And the answer is: we shouldn’t have.

The Manila subway of our dreams

Dr. Jose Regin F. Regidor, engineer and professor at the UP College of Engineering, and fellow at the National Center for Transportation Studies, tells the back story of what became our urban railway network: “There was actually a master plan drawn up around 1973 by the precursor of the Japan International Cooperation Agency [JICA is a Japanese government agency tasked with helping developing countries], called the Urban Transport Systems for Metropolitan Manila. They proposed a heavy rail system—in fact it was a heavy rail subway system—to run along Manila’s heavily traveled corridors, which would be our circumferential and radial roads [C1 to C5; R1 to R10. A good map of Metro Manila would indicate where these are. For example, C4 is actually Edsa; Commonwealth Avenue in QC is part of R7]. There would have been common stations where lines would connect. Yes, they would have been comparable to the ones in Hong Kong and Singapore,” says Dr. Regidor. “The grand plan called for six to eight lines—with the exception of the PNR line, which already existed then—and the first line to be constructed was located in Diliman—Commonwealth and Philcoa, basically—and it would have ran through Quezon Avenue down to España Boulevard, Taft Avenue, and terminated at the airport, in what is now NAIA Terminal 1. “But then around 1977, the World Bank came out with a white paper [a government or other authoritative report giving information or proposals on an issue], basically discrediting the assumptions of the earlier plan. In effect, the new study said that Metro Manila didn’t need a heavy rail system, that there was yet no demand for it, that subways were more expensive to build. What they proposed instead was an overhead line light rail transit—cheaper

HONg KONg MTR SY STEM LI NE 218.2 KM PASS ENGERS 4.7M DAI LY

SI Ng APORE LRT/MRT SYSTEM LI NE 170 K M PASS ENGERS 2.8M D AI LY

Clockwise from left: A genteel Binondo with the tranvia and carromata; the rush-hour queue at the LRT station; obviously, light rail no longer works for a booming population; the route map of the once mighty Manila Railroad Company, stretching north to La Union and to Bicol down south

to build and the trend that time in Europe. The WB plan was essentially the earlier JICA plan, with the same routes identified, only they replaced the subway with overhead trains,” says Dr. Regidor. And that is the story of Manila’s urban trains. It has been 39 years since the final plan was put in motion, and we only have three of the six to eight lines proposed. There are proposed plans for new lines, and they more or less follow the original plan, but as these facts show, these should have already been in operation. Almost a century ago it was an even more different story.

In the mode of the genteel

A photo of Old Manila from the 1920s: It is high noon and the tranvia station at Plaza Goiti in Binondo is abuzz with people, mostly men in white suits. They probably snuck out of their offices—it’s the Central Business District, after all—for lunch at the nearby chic shopping district of Escolta. Two streetcars appear from opposite directions toward the station, which is really just a street platform. The tranvias—orange in color, say those who remember—look like the street cars in San Francisco. Plaza Goiti with its buildings and shops and the tranvias and the station, joined by the procession of carretelas and the new moving sensation of the 20th century, the automobile, make for an image straight out of an Old World European city. But it is Manila. Was. Fortunately, the Internet has been a repository of a wealth of photos of Old Manila, dug out by history and nostalgia buffs from libraries and personal collections, for others to see. Two of the best web pages are from Filipino-American Lou Gopal’s blog and Facebook page Manila Nostalgia (lougopal.com/manila; facebook.com/oldmanilanostalgia) and American John Tewell’s Flickr page (flickr.com/photos/johntewell). It is from them that 72 FH M FEBRUARY 2016

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we get most of the old pictures shown here, of what Manila was like when the tranvia was still around. The tranvia streetcar network was actually the main business interest of what we still know today as Meralco, the country’s major electric distribution company. Meralco is the Manila Electric Railroad and Lighting Company, formed in 1903 “to opeate an electric street railway and to furnish electric current for light, heat, and power for the city of Manila,” according to The Meralco Story, a small book the company published in 1950 (to showcase their new modern electric power plant, Rockwell. Now it’s the Rockwell Power Plant Mall). Snippets from the book: “In April 10, 1905, the electric street railway system was inaugurated with 34 single truck open cars. Receipts for the first day of operations exceeded P1,200.” In 1905, Manila had a population less than 300,000. “In 1906, the Manila-Pasig line was added…this line, running through Fort William McKinley, was for many years one of the best revenueproducing lines of the Meralco system…in 1925 the Santa Mesa-Manila line was added.” Fort William McKinley is now Bonifacio Global City. In all, there were 86.9 km of street track covering all sections of the city and its environs. Lou Gopal in his blog wrote a pictorial essay on Manila’s modes of transportation from the turn of the century up until the 1960s. Among the photographs he showcased, from the personal collection of Mr. Fred Magpayo, is an old route map of Meralco’s tranvia network (with an autobus line route). From Plaza Goiti in Binondo you can practically take a tour of Manila. Among the stops: City Hall-Paco-Sta. Ana-Guadalupe-Pasig; San Andres-Singalong; Pritil-Maypajo, Caloocan. Nostalgia is sweetest if you take the time to view many of the old photos featuring the tranvia: You can see a Manila with wide tree-lined streets, great architecture, with a cosmopolitan yet genteel mood.

The great iron horse

There is another lost track, and it belongs to the Manila Railroad Company (MRC). The MRC is the country’s first effort to connect the country via the rail. Initiated in 1875 by the Spanish colonial government, by the time the Americans came to colonize the country and stepped up railway construction in the beginning of the 20th century, the MRC had succeeded

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in connecting practically the entire Luzon. From the central station in Tutuban, it reached all the way up North to San Fernando, La Union via the Manila-Dagupan Line; and to Albay in the Bicol Region down south via the Main South Line. It also branched out to Cavite and Batangas (see map). The MRC also had lines that went through the city of Manila and to its outskirts in Pasig, Taytay, Marikina, Antipolo, and Montalban. The Marikina Line, completed in 1907, ran from Rosario in Pasig all the way to Montalban (now Rodriguez) for 31 km. Traces of this line still exist in the narrow streets named Tramo and Daang Bakal that run the length of Rosario, crossing over to Marikina, to San Mateo up to Rodriguez. The Antipolo Line, constructed from 1905-1908, stretched 20 km. from Manila all the way up the pilgrimage city. “From Manila it passed through Mandaluyong, Guadalupe, and Pasig [it ran along the north bank of the Pasig river, where the billboards now are], crossing what is now C-5 into C. Raymundo. Then it branched out to Tramo, in Rosario to the Montalban line, and Cainta and Parola for its run to Antipolo. The entrance to what is now Valley Golf is actually to beginning of the ascent to Antipolo, because it’s the gentlest slope. There is still a daang bakal near Hinulugang Taktak,” says Dr. Regidor. The Cavite Line, completed in May 1908, stretched from Manila through Paco, Parañaque, Bacoor, Noveleta until Naic in Cavite for a total of 44 km. These trains really did serve as commuter trains. “Today we have a sense that these places are really just nearby. But you have to remember that in those days, places like Antipolo, Marikina, and Montalban were really far away. They were well into the mountains. People rode horses to get there,” says Dr. Regidor. In effect, with the tranvia and the MRC trains, it was possible to commute to, say, Makati the way the majority of Metro Manilans do now without experiencing the daily apocalypse. Of course, Makati was still marshland then. Quezon City didn’t exist. Marikina looked like it was still part of an hacienda. Montalban was primarily a watershed for Wawa Dam. Antipolo was really a mountain, for tourists and religion.

The end

To get around, Filipinos made use of the trucks left behind by the American military. There were a lot of jeeps left behind as well. We all know what happened after.

The future?

What should it be like for us in 2050? “I would like to see all the railway lines planned in the ‘70s already running. The stations would be bigger, and the trains would be longer,” says Dr. Regidor. “The express train to Clark should be operational. Right now there are problems with right-of-way, among others. “The Diliman line [MRT 7] should have been constructed. It really doesn’t make sense to take a bus from Commonwealth, QC all the way to Manila. You should already be taking the train. “There is already a Bus Rapid Transport System plying Edsa. And because this is organized, it means that there should be fewer buses on Edsa. Fewer means they travel faster and turnaround times are faster, therefore more people are served. “There are parking facilities near the stations, so that people are more inclined to leave their cars and take the trains. We actually asked the city of Antipolo if they were preparing for new Masinag station. They said they already have ample traffic personnel. But no plans for constructing parking facilities, which is what is needed. There’s a new mall in the area, but of course they will only be looking after their own interest “I want to see the subway trains working. We are actually starting a study with the History Department of UP to look at the historical perspective of our urban rail systems. One of the things we are looking at is that, had we built the subway system, we might have had less flooding. Why? Because then we would have been aware that an efficient drainage system had to be built so that the underground network would not be flooded. This is what has happened in Hong Kong, Singapore, and Tokyo.” In the meantime, we look back at the days of old with a sense of nostalgia and get to grips with what is now. Four lines. Eleven million people. FHM

Two things killed the tranvia and the Manila Railroad Company’s trains: cars and the War. In the book, The Colonial Iron Horse: Railroads and Regional Development in the Philippines 1875-1935 (UP Press, 1999), author Eng. Arturo G. Corpuz, UP professor and vice president for Urban Planning at Ayala Land, identified the arrival of the automobile as the crux that rendered the MRC irrelevant. “The first automobile was imported to the Philippines in 1903. Less than two decades after this event, motor vehicles were already threatening the financial viability of the MRC,” writes Corpuz. In 1911, there were 800 cars registered in the entire country. By 1927 there were 27,078. “Automobiles were more efficient, especially for nearby routes. Cars also quickly became status symbols. The motor industry also became a large contributor to the insular treasury. In 1926, the auto industry paid the highest tax rate in the world, with the exception of Japan, which had prohibitive taxes to protect its rickshaw industry,” writes Corpuz. By 1917 the Antipolo line was already abandoned. “The Antipolo line was really for tourism and religion. There were really only small barrios in Antipolo at that time, the subdivisions didn’t exist yet,” says Regidor. In 1936, the Marikina and Cavite lines were also abandoned because by then road building was at its peak and these places, previously hard to reach, were now easily accessible by cars and buses. As for the tranvia, in 1927 Meralco decided that the street car system would not be expanded, but that autobuses would supplement its service. In the early years, revenue from the railway exceeded that of the electricity distribution service by a wide margin. By 1925, revenues from rail and electricity were equal. By the advent of WWII, Meralco’s business was 80 percent electric, 10 percent autobus, and 10 percent railway. The period of February 3-March 3, 1943 is known as The Battle of Manila. The Japanese were finally driven out of the city. In the aftermath: the city was leveled. What it once was, its beauty and splendor, were destroyed in a month. Manila eventually recovered (though not as it once was), but not the tranvia. The tranvia’s doomed fate is recounted in The Meralco Story: “The Japanese operated the streetcars and the company’s facilities deteriorated greatly due to lack of maintenance. After the Battle of Manila, all street cars and most of the track were destroyed. It was decided that streetcar system could not be rebuilt.”

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ARANETA

THE FuTu RE WE S HOuL D HAvE HAD A L ONg TIME AgO

TALA QUIRINO

SACRED HEART

MINDANAO

DOñA CARMEN BALINTAWAK

REGALADO

MONUMENTO

MANGGAHAN

ROOSEVELT

BATASAN DON ANTONIO

5TH AVE. NORTH EDSA

R. PAPA ABAD SANTOS

TANDANG SORA UNIVERSITY AVE.

QUEZON AVE.

QUEZON MEMORIAL

BLUMETRITT

GMA/KAMUNING

TAYUMAN ANONAS

CUBAO BAMBANG TUTUBAN DOROTEO JOSE

BETTY GO BELMONTE

RECTO LEGARDA PUREZA

CARRIEDO CENTRAL

KATIPUNAN

SANTOLAN

V. MAPA GILMORE J. RUIZ

MASINAG

SANTOLAN

PACO

UNITED NATIONS AVE.

SAN ANDRES

ORTIGAS

PEDRO GIL VITO CRUZ QUIRINO AVENUE

SHAW BLVD. BUENDIA

VITO CRUZ GIL PUYAT

GUADALUPE

PASAY ROAD

BUENDIA

LIBERTAD EDSA/PASAY BACLARAN

BONI AVE.

AYALA MAGALLANES

REDEMPTORIST NICHOLS

MIA ROAD

EXISTING ELEVATED LINE

ASIA WORLD N. AQUINO

SUCAT

DR. SANTOS

PNR

BICUTAN

MANUYO UNO LAS PIñAS

ALABANG

ZAPOTE

UNDER CONSTRUCTION ELEVATED LINE

TALEEBA

PLANNED MRT 7 LINE

NIYOG BACOOR IMUS SOUTH RAIL

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FEBRUARY 2016 FH M 73

The FHM man test This month’s challenger...

MAN IX

ABRERA

This comic creator has made countless readers laugh out loud with his stuff, but can he funny his way to getting a perfect score on our test?

Have you ever farted openly in public? Only quietly. Man

4

Not man

What’s the worst thing you were teased about as a kid? Noong grade 3 ako, naihi ako sa shorts ko habang flag ceremony. Ihing-ihi na kasi ako noon tapos ayaw ako payagan ng teacher na mag-CR muna; tapusin ko raw muna yung Lupang Hinirang… ayun tuloy. Man

4

Not man

What fictional villain scares you the most? Count Dracula. Bata pa lang ako takot na ako sa kanya. Man

4

Have you ever had blood in your hands that was not yours? Yes, dugo ng baboy. Sumali kasi ako dati sa paghuli ng baboy sa Bindiyan Festival sa Kabayan, Benguet. Eh nung pagkahuli, kailangan ako rin pala ang magkakatay, hala. Man

4

Not man

What’s the title of the weirdest porno you’ve watched? Hindi porn eh, parang erotic video lang na pinanood sa akin ng mga Fine Arts classmates ko, yung title ay Groping in America. Ang weird lang talaga, hindi mo siya ma-ko-comprehend. Naghihipuan lang sila sa train; *cringe* never again! Man

4

Not man

Not man

Which romantic comedy makes you feel giddy inside? Serendipity! Man

Man

4

Not man

If you could blow up one thing, what would it be? Sa future: asteroid na mag-e-endanger sa Earth. Man

4

Not man

What’s the longest you’ve gone without wearing deodorant? 17 years. Man

Not man

What’s the name of the coolest pet you’ve ever had? Paiba-iba yung pangalan ng pet naming pagong; super haba kasi ng buhay niya. Maliliit pa lang kami hanggang ngayon buhay pa rin siya! Nakalimutan ko na pangalan niya ngayon. Man

4

4

Have you ever worn your briefs on top of your pants and pretended to be a superhero? Hindi… hindi talaga. Man

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Not man

Have you ever sniffed used underwear? Yes! Yung sa akin. Man

4

Not man

Have you ever taken secret selfies? Hindi pa. Baka sa future siguro, ha ha! Man

Can you name one highranking FHM woman you’ve had an unforgettable experience with? Madaya pag sinagot ko itong question na ito, mahilig kasi akong mag-imbento, ha ha!

Not man

4

13 /15 He might have lost two points from our landmine of trick questions, but we furnished him with a bonus two for going a decade plus without deo. Smell that? True manhood. THE MAN TEST LEADERBOARD Manix Abrera Se f Ca d a y o n a Tirso Ripoll Wally Bayola Dan Villegas J a y Co n t r e r a s Boy2 Quizon Jose Manalo Ranidel de Ocampo Ch i t o M i r a n d a Alex Medina A l d e n R i c h a r ds RA Rivera Gloc-9 Loonie M e d w i n M a r f il Brandon Vera

1 5 /1 5 1 5 /1 5 1 4 /1 5 1 4 /1 5 1 4 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 1 /1 5

Not man

Would you ever carry your girlfriend’s purse at the mall if she asked you to? Yes, of course! Man

Not man

4

If the world were to end tomorrow, what would your last meal be? Sinigang na hipon. Man

4

Not man

Not man ILLUSTRATION: MANIX ABRERA

INTERVIEW: CHISE ALCANTARA

Run away with Photography S H A I R A L U N A O F AT E A ST J E D | R O OT Interview A S H M A H I N AY Styling R I A CA S C O Makeup SA R I CA M P O S Hair R H OY CE RVANTE S Shot on location at Eleven Tables, G/F Ace Plaza, United cor. Brixton St. Kapitolyo, Pasig

me Daydreaming of being elsewhere with Sakura Lao

What is the best part of the daily grind known as school?

Is it pretty classmates? MILF-y teachers? Learning to interact with fellow sacks of emotions known as human beings? Actual academic learning? Well, according to Sakura Lao, it’s all about enjoying the years of being young, wild, and free. You’ve got the rest of your postgrad days to be a frazzled mess worrying about real life, so you might as well make a few good memories to flashback to later on. Of course, we want you to do good in school, but it’s not a huge crime to slip out for an adventure occasionally, right?

You were very quiet during our shoot. Nervous? Ganun talaga ako, medyo mahiyain sa simula. We assume that’s because you’re new to this modeling gig? Yes, baguhan lang ako, mga one year pa lang ako nagmo-model–mostly events pa lang. May mga ibang magazine offers din, pero hindi ko nagagawa dahil busy kasi ako sa school–second year ako right now. You’re perfect for our cutting-class theme today, we’d like to know if you really do that though…we won’t spill. Sometimes, ha ha! Siguro sa kaibigan ako na-i-influence. Pupunta lang kami sa mall, mga ganon. Ever get caught? Meron na! Siguro yung pinakamemorable time is nung high school kami. Umakyat kami ng mga kaibigan ko sa pader nung school. Nahuli kami ng teacher namin kasi andun pala siya sa labas! As in, pag-landing namin andun siya nakatayo, ha ha! Was this a co-ed escapade or girls behaving badly? Co-ed kami. Aakyat na rin dapat ako pero naunahan na ako makita nung teacher, ha ha! How do you charm your way out of a situation like that? Siguro, kindat na lang–ganun lang kaya ko, ha ha! . Does this mean you are really a

Gusto ko kasi ma-enjoy yung pag-aaral ko. Para ma-enjoy yung years in college di ba, hindi lang naghahabol ng grade

model student? Relax lang ako. Gusto ko kasi maenjoy yung pag-aaral ko–hindi yung hina-haggard yung sarili ko. Para ma-enjoy yung years in college di ba, hindi lang naghahabol ng grade. And what’s there to look forward to in the summer? Yung mga trips na kasama ng family out of town. Not roadtripping with friends? Minsan oo, pero kadalasan family talaga kasama ko. Sa beach, sa mga

may rides pa, ha ha! And what is your stereotype in your friend group? Are you all modelesque? Meron ding mga model sa barkada ko, pero ako yung shy girl, ha ha! Shy girl na makulit! And what kind of guy gets your shy girl fancy? Pag malambing–kasi sobrang lambing ako, dun ako bumabawi, ha ha! FH M

Sa ku r a L a o

Ganun talaga ako, medyo mahiyain sa simula

of the

REY TRAJANO

ASH MAHINAY

FAIRWAYS Des

ac e n si e M it a ch eson is

Styling: J E S S I CA FA N G Makeup: E LI Z A B E T H S U J

!

In golf, an ace is more commonly known as a “hole in one,” which is sinking it in the hole with a single stroke. We felt like we just scored one when we were introduced to the perfection that is Dessie Mitcheson. For reasons she will explain later, this babe has ended up on the green during weekend–no doubt distracting men from their short game whenever she turns up. It’s always great to discover girls who are into unexpected things isn’t it? Now excuse us because it’s time for us to emulate Happy Gilmore once again… Dessie is a cute name, is it shorthand for something? Dessie is my real first name. It’s not short for anything, I was named after my great-great-great-aunt Dessie– so it's a family name, which in my opinion makes it even more special! Many locals know you for being there during Pacquiao’s big fight with Mayweather–and that photo where Manny is eyeing you rather than Floyd during the faceoff! Could you tell us if you really did lock eyes back then? I love that meme! To whoever made it, thank you! Now I will always have that memory. That whole week during the MayPac fight went so fast and we were so busy it’s hard to pinpoint that exact moment–but I will say that Pacman is a great guy. He would acknowledge the girls and I, and he had excellent manners. He’s a real sweetheart! Aside from being a ring girl, what keeps you occupied? I’m a full-time model. I do a lot of print work, I’m in classes for television, and in April I will start as the lead sideline reporter for the Legends Football League [formerly known as the Lingerie Football League]. Besides work, I love traveling back home to Pennsylvania. I love traveling in general, and also enjoying beautiful California!

With all the disciplines you’ve been exposed to, what is your personal sport of choice to stay so fit? I’m an active person, but I think my best workouts are when I’m shooting for ten hours in heels. Every muscle is tight and you have to hold poses—it’s harder than people think! I also enjoy playing golf. How’d you end up into golf? It’s got a rep as a dad sport after all! I played golf in high school–I started playing because I could no longer do other sports due to too many knee surgeries, and golf was gentler on the knees. We’re curious though, what does a lady think about the usual male golf attire AKA khakis and polo shirts? I wouldn’t say khakis and polos are necessarily sexy. But I think it shows your fun side. It can show your personality, which is the sexy thing about a man. With all the sport talk, are you into athletes? I have never dated a professional athlete, but it is very attractive when a man is good at sports! Say you needed to distract someone putting to win a game, what would you do? I would probably make a game out of the round of golf. If you get a birdie or par you’d have to shot gun a beer! That way I can stay sober and play a little better than everyone, ha ha! FH M

NOW YOU CAN TAKE THE BABES EVERYWHERE YOU GO!

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on your smartphone or tablet. Download the app now!

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WH AT TO BU Y AND HOW TO WEAR IT

Health drink Aside from your whey and fat burners, you need your refreshing post-sweats drink that has no chems. Vit a Coco Pineapple, P44.70 Bluetooth headphones You don’t have time to fuck around with wires while deadlifting 200 pounds! With a BT-capable set, you can rock your power jams with no fuss. Elecom L BT-O H100, P7,3 5 0

Skull t ank, P19 9.75, Coco R epublic at The S M Store Compression tights, P79 9.75, Bo Athletics at The S M Store Compression shirt, P6 9 9.75, Bo Athletics at The S M Store Varsit y duffle, P3,700, Sprayground WO R D S AS H MAH I NAY PH OTOG RAPHY LOU I E AG U I NALD O

THE BEAST MODE STARTER PACK No one gets swole to stay low profile! That’s why your gym kit must scream that you worship fitness. Besides, it will attract ladies who worship at the altar of fitness as well. And you’ve learned (from Instagram) that skinny girls look good in clothes, but fit girls look good naked.

STARTER KiTS

WhAT kINd of mAN Are You projecTINg ThIs moNTh?

THE IMPORTANT PERSON STARTER PACK

You’ve made it to the next level–shiny baubles await! If you’re missing anything from this kit, your duty as man-in-charge is to hint to your equally power lady (you have to have one when playing on this level) to gift you the big daddy items–it’s only fair since you ship her out to Europe every summer anyway.

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A timepiece in metal and in leather How are you feeling today, sir? Oris Classic, P42,8 9 0; Oris Williams Chronograph, P10 6,79 0 Blue blazer Black tops are for waiters; get with the navy in blue. Blazer, P1,3 9 9.75, Main Street at The S M Store

Money in thousanddenominations Keep your money blue also–to match your blazer, scent, and blood color.

THE SOLDIER OF LOVE STARTER PACK

You need to impress a woman fast! But first you must approach them without scaring them away. Doing it in a non-rapist manner will help, but a good soldier of love’s uniform has also been laid out for you here. If love is proving to be a battlefield, then flip the page for reinforcements…

Spirits Keep a bottle handy on your desk for toasts after sealing all them big deals– just don’t call it alak. P3 8 5

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Thoughtful gift Foldable flats show you care about her in a doting way. P2,9 9 5, Yosi Samra Hairwax and hand sanitizer You’ll get flustered as you prepare your special date, so a touch up is

necessary. Plus hand sanitizer to wash the sticky feeling away. Good boy polos Always buttoned up to the neck for that harmless swag. P3 9 9.75, Men’s Club at The S M Store Guidebook Because you need all the help you can get, son.

Striped backpack, P2,18 0, Sprayground Khakis, P5 9 9.75, Baleno at The S M Store

FEBRUARY 2016 FH M 89

meet the

paren ts

H e r e’s w H at a g o o d b oy lo o k s li k e i n 2 0 1 6 PHOTOG RAPHY AN D R EO E SG U E R RA W O R D S A S H M A H I N AY STYlinG DEBRA BERNALES G R O O M i n g I YA Y U j U I c O M O D E l M A R k M c M A H O N O f M E R cAtO R

The Cardigan

To avoid the douche factor, don’t go with a pastel cardigan and stick with a textured finish in a dark color. The shawl collar is a must though—flat front cardigans can look way girly and that’s not the look we’re shooting for around here, friend.  Cardigan, P4,695, Nautica; Plaid button down, P2,450, Marks & Spencer; Dark leather belt, P2,895, Nautica; Red striped necktie, P1,000, OTAA at Felipe and Sons; Scissors tie bar, P1,500, OTAA at Felipe and Sons; Brown Penny Loafers, P7,500, Sapatero at Felipe and Sons  Half zip jacket, P3,650, Marks & Spencer; Plaid polo, P1,850, Marks & Spencer; Blue striped tie, P1,000, OTAA at Felipe and Sons

F HYMLE ST

The Sweater

Hey girls, guess what this is made of? not boyfriend material, you aren’t Ryan Gosling. But it’s the most decent you can get without having to overthink everything. Just make sure it isn’t a longganisa fit because you don’t want to give Sir another reason to eat you alive. Red sweater, P2,750, Marks & Spencer; Woven polo, P3,495, Nautica; Blue slacks, P3,150, Marks & Spencer; Gun cuff links, P1,500, OTAA at Felipe and Sons; Bespoke blue suede loafers, P20,000, Sapatero at Felipe and Sons; Glasses, P4,500, Ray-Ban

F HYMLE ST

The Dad Plaid

Even though dad plaid will give you an air of maturity, you wouldn’t wear this shirt to the club–girls are unaffected by its mystical powers. On the other hand, fellow men respect the authority of the short-sleeved dad plaid shirt and will listen intently to what you have to say. Short sleeved plaid polo, P3,495, Nautica; Camel twill trousers, P3,150, Marks & Spencer; Brown belt, P3,050, Nautica; Tan tassel loafer, P7,500, Sapatero at Felipe and Sons

The Blazer

Do you wear a blazer to work already? Good. Just make sure to ditch the office-issue black leather shoes if you do. But we still recommend copping a real blazer because you need that mental edge when dealing with the ‘rents and being in your office clothes has this unexplainable mental toll… Light blue trousers, P3,895; Polo shirt, P2,895; Blue jacket, P6,895; Brown belt, P2,895, all from Nautica; Pocket square, P600, OTAA at Felipe and Sons; Bespoke Oxfords, P25,000, Sapatero at Felipe and Sons

FHM

A FEBU

J AY TAB LAN T E

C H I S E ALCAN TARA ST Y LI N G : J ET B E BA S M A K E U P AN D H AI R : HAN NAH KI M

RY

Rebecca Boggiano

She’s at home on both the pageant and racing circuits!

W

hile most pageant competitors are visions of elegance and poise on-stage, we’ve learned that most of them have a down and dirty side to them that’s just itching to get out of those tight gowns, and Aussie beauty queen Rebecca Boggiano is no exception. This girl will make you go crazy not just with her looks, but also with all the activities she’ll make you do–and not in the, “Aren’t you done shopping?, it’s been three hours.” kind of way, but rather, “Aren’t you going to hit the brakes yet?” You mentioned that you considered yourself a tomboy but you don’t look a thing like one! What’s that about? I very much grew up as a tomboy and still am at heart! Although I like to be girly every now and then, I hardly ever wear makeup in day-to-day life–I enjoy the outdoors and getting down and dirty in general! I love motorsports and attend a lot of events such as Formula 1, The V8s [Supercars series], drifting, drags, Moto GP, and World

Superbikes–lucky for me I also get paid to be there! Other than making men’s engines roar, what else do you like about these activities? Well, of course, the rush and the adrenaline is addictive; there is nothing that can compare to that! Tamer activities are still fun of course but I love extreme sports that give me a thrill… and going super fast on a motorbike or a supercar is just unbeatable! Were you an adrenaline junkie even before you joined pageants? Of course! If anything I do beauty pageants to remind myself that I am actually, in fact, a girl, ha ha! Did enjoying these certain types of hobbies intimidate other pageant contestants? No, of course not! I consider myself pretty down to earth and easygoing. When people meet me in person they would never feel threatened or intimidated; I’m not really as scary as I may seem on social media! It’s actually the opposite–they intimidate me! I usually feel like I don’t measure up because I am a tomboy–but you got to fake it till you make it right?

FHM

FEBR

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Y

Though you must have fun getting to travel all over because of your pageant duties! I’ve learnt a lot about myself on all of my travels. I’ve definitely learnt to be more independent and how to enjoy being in my own company as well as how to enjoy the company of others. There are endless things to learn on all of my travels–and I have also learnt how to network and that every single person you meet has something valuable that you can learn from or utilize in your own life. We’re always free if you want a travel buddy, or are these more of soul-

searching solo trips? Although. I love being around people and am a very sociable person, I have learnt to love traveling alone. When I am alone I can do whatever I want whenever I want. I have nobody to answer to, nobody complaining or getting tired. It also allows me the opportunity to meet new people who are doing the same thing! I usually say that I ride solo and anybody who wants to join me can, but I won’t ever change my plans for people because they end up letting me down anyway.

What if we saw a beautiful girl like you traveling alone, would it be creepy if we introduced ourselves? Of course not, if you did it in the right way! If you came up with some sleazy pick-up line then maybe, but if you were genuinely looking for a friend to chat with then I’ll be happy to be your friend. If I don’t like you, you will know soon enough, ha ha! So, have you ever found a soulmate while traveling? Ha ha! What happens on tour, stays on tour, right? FH M

Rebecca’s life this month Feeling horn... nevermind! Ha ha!

98 FH M FEBRUARY 2016

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Sanctuary!

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Spunky today

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WIN AT LIFE

EI

P GS

N

ILLUSTRATIONS GILBERT DAROY WORDS VINCE SALES

MAL E

M GE E K D O

Just like the animal kingdom, geeks have their alpha males too. only these alphas are now the richest, most influential men on the planet—capable of affecting everything from climate change to space exploration. who are they? it’s about time you asked…

JACK MA Famous For: Alibaba, the

e-commerce site and the world’s largest online business-to-business trading platform, but also much more. It does businessto-consumer (like Amazon), consumer-to-consumer (like eBay), electronic payments (like PayPal), and cloud computing services (again, like Amazon). What else he does: As the richest man in China, there’s a lot of philanthropy. He’s into nature conservancy, and has purchased a 28,100-acre chunk of land for Brandon Park in New York. Began With: China Yellow Pages, an Internet company dedicated to creating websites for Chinese companies. In three years, the company made 5,000,000 yuan ($800,000). What his Future holds: Alibaba has grown into a gargantuan company in a wide variety of industries. Though Jack Ma as Alibaba’s executive chairman has to make sure that his new shareholders are happy, the future is wide open. After all, Alibaba made $14.3 billion in sales during China’s “Singles Day” this year, an event not unlike the US’ Black Friday. net Worth: $24.1 billion (as of Dec 2015) did you knoW that: He learned English as a child by conversing with foreigners in a nearby hotel, giving them free guides so he could practice his English.

JEFF BEZOS Famous For: Amazon. Which

now sells everything from books to software, toys, and jewelry. And producing consumer electronics, like the Kindle. What else he does: A large portion of Amazon's business involves The Cloud, and it’s a hugely profitable part. As if that wasn’t enough, Bezos also has large investments in companies like The Washington Post, and Blue Origin–a company much like Elon Musk’s SpaceX, except Blue Origin successfully landed a reusable rocket first. Began With: Bezos worked at a New York hedge fund before founding Amazon. Like Steve Jobs, he set up the company in his garage. What his Future holds: Make no mistake about it, Amazon is the future of retail. It recently surpassed retail giant Walmart in market capitalization. net Worth: $59.3 billion (as of Dec 2015) did you knoW that: Bezos purchased The Washington Post in 2013, aiming to help transition the newspaper online.

SERGEY BRIN Famous For: Google.

Don’t know what that is? Google it. But here’s the short version: Google (which is now known as the holding company Alphabet) consists of Google Inc, Calico (biotech research), Google Ventures and Capital (investment), Google X (R&D), Fiber (high-speed Internet service), Nest Labs (smart home products), and Verily (life sciences). Under Google Inc is the stuff we’re more familiar with, such as Android, YouTube, and Google Search. What else he does: www.fhm.com.ph

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Through Alphabet’s various companies, Brin has his fingers in a lot of pies. Most notably, through Google.org--Google’s philanthropic arm, he is investing in alternative energy. He is also championing driverless cars through Google X. Began With: Math. Yeah, you got that right: math can make you rich. Together with Larry Page, Brin created the PageRank algorithm back in his Stanford days. If that sounds familiar, that’s because PageRank is a cornerstone of the Google search engine. What his Future holds: Google’s recent

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reorganization and rebranding into Alphabet allows Brin and Alphabet’s brain trust to basically let the search engine biz do what it does best while they pursue moonshots like driverless cars. net Worth: $36.8 billion (as of Dec 2015) did you knoW that: After having his genome sequenced, Brin discovered that he had a high likelihood of developing Parkinsons at some point in his life. Through Calico, he's taken an active role in finding a cure for Parkinsons and other neurodegenerative diseases.

february 2016 FH M 101

Where to sniFF out the neXt Pinoy steVe JoBs Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak have been portrayed as two geniuses building the first Apple computer from Jobs’ garage alone. Though this is fact, it’s largely unmentioned how that garage was located in Silicon Valley, where a computer revolution was already underway. You can argue that Apple was built on the back of IT giants and given an extra push by Woz’s electronics hobbyist friends. So if you want to be the next Steve Jobs, take a look around you. What is our Silicon Valley?

moBile

You’ve heard it said time and again: the future is mobile. The Philippines is all about mobile, with four in 10 Filipinos toting smartphones in 2015. Therefore, the Philippines is the future… right?

MARK ZUCKERBERG Famous For: Facebook. You know it. You use it—whether you like it or not. It boasts 1.44 billion active monthly users, including your mom, your ex, and countless rabid Duterte supporters. What else he does: Lately, Zuckerberg has been getting pretty good at investing Facebook’s giant pile of moolah. He cemented Facebook’s future by buying Facebook challengers like Instagram and Whatsapp, as well as re-aligning the company for mobile. Thanks to the purchase of virtual reality company Oculus, he placed Facebook in a good position to own the VR future if and when it takes off. He’s also a big supporter of free Internet for the whole world, which he pursues through Internet. org. Finally, Zuckerberg has pledged to give away 99 percent of his own personal Facebook fortune for the

ELON MUSK Famous For: Tesla

Motors, the electric car company of which he is CEO and “product architect.” What else he does: Oh, nothing much. He’s just the founder of SpaceX, a company that builds and designs space rockets. He’s also the chairman of Solar City, a company that designs, finances and installs solar energy systems for homes and business. He’s also working on this thing called the Hyperloop, which promises to be the 102 FH M february 2016

BPo

good of the human race. Aw, what a nice guy. Began With: Facemash, a creepy site for Harvard students to stalk cute girls/guys. Hmm, not much has changed. What his Future holds: 2016 will decide whether or not Zuckerberg’s $2 billion purchase of Oculus was worth it or not. Meanwhile, in the long term, Zuckerberg stands to become one of the world’s greatest philanthropists– at the age of 31 he has a huge headstart over 60-year-old Bill Gates, who started all this with The Giving Pledge campaign. net Worth: Estimated $46 billion (as of Dec 2015) did you knoW that: Like Steve Jobs, he has a “uniform”: jeans and a black t-shirt, though he has been known to put on a suit every now and then.

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Now that the dust has settled around the BPO industry, the Philippines has emerged as a leader in providing these services to the world.

social media

41 million tweets for #AldubEBTamangPanahon. Aldub breaking all kinds of Twitter records is proof that Pinoys rule social media. So what are we going to do about it now?

inVention

Pinoys are an inventive bunch. Even Obama thinks so, and during his visit here for APEC, he tried to matchmake Aisa Mijeno, inventor of a saltwater lamp that could change the world, and Jack Ma, founder of online e-commerce site Alibaba.

shiPBuilding

Who knew? The Philippines is the fourth largest shipbuilding nation in the world. That’s big. Literally.

fastest, cheapest mode of transport on the planet. Began With: Musk started his fortune by creating a number of web companies, the most famous of which is PayPal. He sold that to eBay for a small fortune ($1.5 billion), of which 165 million was his. What his Future holds: Nothing short of changing the world. Aside from pursuing a cheap (sub $30,000), electric car for everyone, Tesla is creating batteries for the home, the Powerwall, which, together

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with solar, or wind power, can take thousands (millions?) of homes off the grid. SpaceX is aiming to make space travel safe, regular, and cheap with its reusable rocket. And there are already plans to build a test Hyperloop in 2016. net Worth: $12 billion (as of Dec 2015) did you knoW that: Elon Musk had a cameo in Iron Man 2, because, when it comes down to it…he’s the man most likely to build an Iron Man suit—if he doesn’t have one already.

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UPGRADE

How I did it When in Manila, hang out with this guy…

CV VINCE GOLANGCO,

PHOTOGRAPHY DAIRY DARILAG • INTERVIEW TONI ANTIPORDA

34 I moved out of our house when I was 16. I worked as a cashier at a Burger King in Los Angeles, then I sent money back home to my family. After that, I also worked at a department store, as a waiter, then eventually joined the US Navy for four years. I started a blog because I liked writing. It’s not as if I started When in Manila thinking that I’m going to invest money in it and create this site that gets contributors and be the guide to what people are talking about in Metro Manila. When I started, it was really just me sharing my drunken stories to my friends in San Diego. “When in Manila, do as the Manilenians do,” you know, like “When in Rome…” Back then I didn’t care about views—I just liked writing, and I just wrote for my friends and myself. Back then, I noticed that a lot of the online sites were either good with writing but bad in SEO (search engine optimization), or good with SEO but then you go to the site and realize that the writing is not really good or it was not what you were looking for. We found the middle ground, we’ve researched and learned SEO, and it just grew from there. www.fhm.com.ph

It’s really out of our control what goes viral, but we sort of have an eye for what will trend or go viral now. But it’s still just one of the few articles that we have. We still do a lot of reviews of places very few people get to find. We always choose to be positive, and we don’t pretend to be such food experts—we’re just normal people who tried something and shared what we thought of it. It’s irresponsible to bash something, because the review is going to be online forever. We could really ruin businesses and lives, so it’s either we give them a second chance or just don’t write about it. When we choose not to write about it, then we just tell the business owners directly about our complaints. Just keep on writing. There will be days when you will be inspired to write, then there will be days when you won’t be, or at least won’t have the time to write, but still make it a point to write every day. Get really good business partners. I can learn as much as I can, but partnering with the right people will make it easier for me. A lot of businesses do well because they have the right mix of people— facebook.com/FHM.ph •

they challenge each other in a positive way, they have different skills, and they help each other. Understand your own limitations and capabilities. And be realistic, because there’s only a set number of hours in a day and you have no control over that. Also be aware of your physical limitations, because you can only do so much as a person. Don’t try too hard to be cool. If you just love yourself, you’re cool already, in your own circle and in your own way. It’s about appreciating yourself for who you are, and understanding that no one is cool to everyone.

Education: • BA Communication, San Diego State University Currently: • Founder and publisher, When in Manila • Co-owner, Tipsy Pig, Dyce ‘n’ Dyne, Hyve, and Vyne Formerly: • Cashier, Burger King • Recruit, United States Navy • Radio DJ, Mellow 94.7

Don’t be afraid to meet someone new. Don’t believe the saying that you shouldn’t talk to strangers, because, if you think about it, we’re all strangers.

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UPGRADE

ZeN CHILL

GRAPHICS: LOUIS ARENAS

a nd t h e art of

Cl e arin g y o u r min d and l ooseni ng up ti ght spots i n your b o d y to rea ch a n elu sive ki nd of cal m i s easy w i th these ex p ert-approved techni ques WORDS WAYNE JOSEPH TULIO • PHOTOGRAPHY MArK JeSALVA

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B e ing cal m i s pr act i cal l y on e o f t he hardest t h ings t o do th ese da y s. You can ’t b e al w ays cool w h e n you’ re stu ck in the mi ddl e o f c a rmageddon . You c e rt ai nl y w on ’t b e chi l l i f you ’re o n t he recei vin g e n d of a serm o n f r om any of th e f o llow i ng: you r b o ss, your w om a n , o r your f ol ks . B ut w hen you’re no t cal m, you b e come moody a n d angry— yo u ’re b a si cal l y no fu n to b e around. Worse, it has heal t h c o nsequences. Yo u don’t have t o be i n a f oul m o od al l t he time t h e t i me t houg h . Yo u can ret ur n to c e nt er on a d aily b a si s. The next t i me yo u f ind yoursel f in a f u n k, do t hese…

steady eats Sometimes all it takes is a bit of food to boost your mood

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Meditation

Diaphragmatic Breathing

Meditation in essence is about clearing your mind. “We’re so used to wanting to know about things all the time, meditation [helps you relax] by trying to stop your mind from interpreting things,” explains Arianne Olegario, movement meditation instructor at Whitespace Wellness in Quezon City. If you’re thinking you’ll need to sit down and chant words you can’t pronounce, you don’t. It’s as simple as finding some quiet space where you can focus on your thoughts. Do it: Find a spot where you can have some privacy. Lie or sit down, close your eyes and crank your favorite playlist. “Focus on the music, the tiniest details. Just stay in that moment, if a thought comes up, acknowledge it, and go back to focusing on being in the moment,” says Olegario. Perfect for: Clearing your head before you hit bed.

Dark Chocolate

A study from Swinburne University of Technology in Australia found that regular consumption of dark chocolate helps improve calmness and satisfaction thanks to the antioxidant compound polyphenol.

Breathing is supposed to be second nature, but we tend to forget how to breathe properly. "Our diaphragm is connected to a lot crucial parts that activate our core muscles," explains Emman Papa, assistant professor at the UP College of Human Kinetics. When you breathe from your diaphragm, you unlock usual tight spots like your hip flexors, your chest and your shoulders. This helps you feel relaxed, easing away stress. Do it: While standing or sitting up straight, breathe in to your nose and expand your belly. Hold for a second then as you exhale through your nose, draw your belly in. That’s one. Do this ten times. Perfect for: When you’re stuck in traffic. Sadly, it won’t make the cars move, but at least you’ll be calm.

Banana

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Self-Myofascial Release

This fancy-sounding method is simply a form of self-massage. By targeting certain parts of the body with some pressure from, say, a golf or tennis ball, you can ease muscle soreness and improve blood circulation." That’s because this technique helps create a proper length-to-tension relationship in your muscles before exercise and restores muscle pliability after movement," says Chappy Callanta, head coach of the 360 Fitness Club chain. Do it: Try these two techniques to ease muscle tension on your tired legs, which carry the brunt of our weight. These also help ease other body aches as well. Roll youR foot Place a golf or tennis ball under the balls of your right foot. Slowly roll the ball until it reaches your heels. Do this ten times. Do the same on your left foot. Ca lf M a n i p u l ati o n Sit on the ground, stretch your legs forward, and place a golf or a tennis ball under your left calf. Move your left leg side to side until you feel the pinch. Do this ten times. Do the same on your right calf. Perfect for: Practically the start and at the end of your day. You ease tension both times!

Cheese

It’s rich in tryptophan, an essential amino acid that synthesizes serotonin, the neurotransmitter that regulates sleep, appetite, and mood.

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3 It’s a rich source of Vitamin B12—a nutrient that plays an important part in regulating your mood.

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UPGRADE

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Yoga

Yoga is a form of movement meditation that not only helps you relax, it can improve your flexibility, too. According to Jonathan Cagas, assistant professor at the UP College of Human Kinetics, "it’s an active recovery strategy that teaches us body awareness and focus. It also employs diaphragmatic breathing that helps increase blood flow, relaxing the muscles, kicking stress in the butt." Do it: Try a class at Whitespace Wellness in Katipunan, or Urban Ashram Yoga in Kapitolyo, Pasig. They have basic classes that will teach you the rudiments of Yoga. Another upside: Classes are mostly composed of females. Perfect for: Weekend exercise. It’s a good form of cross training from your usual sport or workout.

5 G r e e n i t up

A 2012 Du tch s t u d y p u b lis h e d in t h e jou rn a l Landscape and Urban Planning fo u n d th at th o s e wh o liv e d in a r e a s with m o st g re e n s p a c e h a d lo we r levels of th e s t r e s s h o r mo n e c o r t is o l co mpa red wit h t h o s e wh o liv e in mo r e u rb a n areas. T h e r e f o r e , if y o u h a v e t h e ch a n ce, g o se e k n a t u r e , ma n . Do it: If you liv e in a n u r b a n a r e a , try to fin d th e n e a r e s t p a r k a n d wa lk aro u n d. Is you r o f f ic e c lo s e t o a g r e e n space? Ta k e a s t r o ll o n y o u r b r e a k t o redu ce wo rk s t r e s s . O c c a s io n a lly, y o u ca n also tak e r o a d t r ip s t o p la c e s wit h m o re trees (li k e Ba g u io ). Perfect fo r: W h e n y o u ’r e in t h e m iddle o f a st r e s s f u l d a y (p a r k is g reat). If you h a d a s t r e s s f u l we e k (roadtrips a r e b e t t e r ).

HOW NATURE TICKS YOUR NEURO BOXES ACCORDING TO SCIENTISTS:

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overstimulation (via the internet)

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Stretch your hips

Sitting all day in front of your desk might help you meet all your deadlines. But it means your hip flexors remain dormant, which can lead to lower back pain and you not being able to move well. When you can’t move well, you just feel bad overall. Do it: Try doing a hip flexor stretch. From a standing position, step your right food forward and bend your right knee until you feel the stretch on your left hip. Hold this for 15 to 20 seconds, then switch sides. Perfect for: The middle of the workday. So that when it’s time to go home, you can spring out the door.

Has a restorative effect on attention levels

Compensates for everday

Improves focus

6

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Significantly lowers stress

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UPGRADE

Millennial Roadster H e re is th e n ew MX-5—or the M i ata of your generati on. Wh en y o u d riv e thi s, l ogi c goes out the w i ndow

words ALLAN P. HERNANDEZ

In 2011, the MX-5 was certIfIed by GuInness as the world’s best sellInG two-seater sports car, wIth total productIon surpassInG 900,000 unIts

SPECS

two-seater convertible soft top coupe six speed manual or automatic In-line four cylinder dohc 16 valve output: 160@6000 torque: 200@4600

It took us about six seconds to flip down the soft top of the Mazda MX-5, or the Miata as it's more affectionately known, and it was a slow six seconds. There are no motors to do the work, but ideally you could do it in three—release a lever just above the rear view mirror, undo the hook, then tuck it down neatly behind the headrests with a click. But we were careful not to break anything. At a starting price of P1.6 million, it was not a go kart—although once you scrunch your 5’7” frame onto the driver’s seat, that’s what it felt like exactly. But that one act of doing away with the roof explained the joy of owning a roadster: the freedom, the individuality, the promise of speed, the abandonment of all logic (four doors, back seat, usable trunk space) for pure fantasy (no back seat, a hole for a trunk, but damn sporty). In Mazda’s own primal words: zoom-zoom. And we hadn’t even started the engine yet. When we did, we were hurtling down the beautiful, winding roads of the Sierra Madre loop. Up to Cogeo, through the mountains, down Pillila, Rizal, then up and down again. Because that’s where the MX-5 belonged. The rush of the manual transmission transferring power to the back (yes, a rear wheel drive) ran a loop up to your throttle foot straight to the groin. Negotiating the hairpins, with the top down, the wind in your face, the car twitching and turning the

way you want it to, felt like a cliché—except that you feel it, and it’s real. There is no other time when the MX-5 is its true self. Back in the chaos of the city, it is just a preening, pretentious car—can’t go fast, can’t go low, can’t take the roof down. But maybe not. Here’s a point of view: Maybe the MX-5 is the smartest, most sensible car you can drive every day on the road. We’ll tell you why: There are people driving big cars solo; a shameful waste of space. There’s been talk about keeping off the road cars that have only two people inside, when they can carry five or more. The MX-5 seats two, and if it’s all you need, then that’s all you need. We talk about clean fuel and saving fuel. The MX-5, while it happens to be a sports car, happens to have technology for fuel economy and cleaner emissions. As with all of Mazda’s newest models, the MX-5 comes with the i-STOP (tech that shuts down the engine during complete stops, saving five percent on fuel) and i-ELOOP (a regenerative braking system that puts energy into a battery, saving as much as 10 percent of fuel) systems. What you have, then, is a car that plays smart. With these, you have to ask yourself: between a Smart car, and an MX-5, who’s smarter? Exactly.

UPGRADE

Looking after yourself This Valentine’s in gear-assisted self-love WORDS KHYNE PALUMAR

G I VE YO U R BATO K A B R EAK

Zyllion ZMA-13-BK pillow massage with heat Comfortably warms to assist anti-high-BP circulation, and deepkneads tight portions of your upper and lower back, or any part of your body that can park itself in this 5 x 9 -inch massaging pillow. Straps onto most head rests (e.g. your car’s), and operates on an idiot-proof operation single button. Shuts off automatically after 20 minutes, too, in case you’ve dozed off and got too comfortable. Score for: P3,97 1, Galleon

U N -T WI TC H YO U R E Y E M USCLES

Relaxus facial eye massager Equipped with 18 foam massaging heads that stimulate acupuncture points around your eyes. Choose from two speeds of vibration to zone out for 2 to15minutes at a time, and watch it hack away at relieving the resulting head and eye aches that come from nasal congestion. Or you know, just to give your eyes a break from a permanent smartphone screen squint. Pick a problem. Score for: P1,13 5, Galleon

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MAK E YO U R WAY BAC K TO YO U R DRINK

BONUS S H I NY ITE M!

Lighting glow corks Packs a pair of lit-up stoppers for standard wine bottles, for when you’ve had one too much to drink and need visual cues and guidance. Great for night parties outdoors, too. Score for: P4 9 5, Quirks

ST RA I N L E S S

4x4 multipurpose ladder If you had to stand on your toes, jump, or teeter on another wobbly monobloc to get that light bulb changed or that roof DIY painted, then don’t you think it’s time you got yourself a proper ladder? Suggestions: this 16-step aluminum that folds four ways. Letting you up for a sturdy reach, and probably looking like you know what you’re doing too. Score for: P3,5 00, True Value

CA L M YO U R SI N USES

Ultrasonic HA-01 fragrance smoke air pleasure humidifier Spritzes mist in the air to dampen a standard stuffy air-conditioned bedroom. While it doesn’t purify the air in a room, the Ultrasonic sanitizes its cradled water supply by pumping it with silver ions before it’s turned to mist. One less air pollutant to worry about. Score for: P1,0 9 9, Lazada

CLIP TOENAILS E AS I LY

R E D O YO U R ‘ D O

Equinox heavy duty toenail clipper Yes, these surgical grade clippers from Equinox were made for your toenails, not alambre. Time to hack away at thick toenails like they were, yes, alambre. Ah, male grooming. Score for: P1,100, Galleon

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Pritech hair trimmer Scissors for cutting hair are too 2015. If you’ve always wanted to get your head skinned yourself, or cut yourself a sideburn on top of the usual balbas/ bigote upkeep, then consider this electric glass razor a multitool. Unlatch from its charging cradle and choose from three changeable comb blades, and start buzzing. Score for: P1,8 9 9, Lazada

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FEBRUARY 2016 FH M 111

True Stories

Hotel room

Santa baby

Due to a series of events, I was stuck in a hotel room with one of my female coworkers. It was a small and cheap hotel room with a very hard floor and no extra couch, so she let me sleep in the same bed, with a mountain of pillows and a comforter between us. I was lying awake for about 30 minutes when I suddenly felt nudging on my feet. A sensation went through every bone in my body as I felt it linger up my legs. “Jane, wag natin ‘tong gawin. I value our friendship.” I said. She replied, “Ano’ng pinagsasasabi mo d’yan?” I looked under the sheets and saw a giant rodent on my thigh. I screamed a falsetto. Peter, via Facebook

TRUE STORY Michiko Magno

112 FH M FEBRUARY 2016

As a kid, my parents used to dress up like Mr. and Mrs. Claus for Christmas, and leave presents under the tree and eat the oreos I left for them. Now that I have a kid of my own, I want to instill the same Christmas spirit to my toddler. So one Christmas night, my wife and I dressed up as the jolly old couple to surprise Jimmy, our son. He was playing with his iPad on the couch when we sprung out and surprised him. He screamed and threw his iPad right at my face and knocked me out. I woke

Back when I was in elementary school, I had a crush on some boy. One time, I saw him walk past me in a hallway. I turned to look at him automatically, and tripped like a klutz. Luckily no one saw me trip so I got up all runway-model style and never looked back. This was definitely one of those nakakawalangpoise moments. Ha ha!

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up on the couch with my wife laughing at me, and Jimmy crying. He told me that he was scared that Santa wouldn’t get him anything because he had been a bad boy. I got up and got his present from inside our cabinet and he was so happy that it seemed like he forgot about everything. Yup, he’s my son alright. Roger, via Facebook

banging on the other doors. I started shouting random Japanese words to get the attention of the people inside. I was on the floor crying when I heard the entity speak in English and shout, “Shut up, pussy!” It was just a long-haired drunk wearing a white blanket, who I guessed also lost his hotel key. George, via Facebook

Let me in

Kiss. Now.

I stayed at a fancy hotel during my vacation in Japan. I decided to head in early and skip partying with my friends because I hadn’t gotten enough sleep for the past few days. While standing in front of my room I saw someone at the end of the hallway. I had a few drinks so I knew I was a bit imaginative at that time but I took a better look, and I kid you not, it looked like that girl from The Ring. I was about to piss my pants and fumbled inserting the key card in the scanner hole properly. As the entity closed in, I backed away and started fhmphilofficial

I’m a wedding photographer, and I’ve had my fair share of silly engagements, but this one wedding coverage really stuck to me. It was a really long wedding because both parties took too long to thank the world that they met each other. I was really frustrated and out of it so while they were saying their vows, I accidentally said out loud, “Ma’am, kiss na po tayo.” The crowd burst into laughter. Good thing they were good sports about it. I watched everything I said after that. MarkadongMark, via Facebook www.fhm.com.ph

I L L U S T R AT I O N : G I L B E R T D A R O Y ; M I C H I k O M A G N O ’ S P H O T O : A A R O N E B I O

Believe it. Or not