Bonus Content Eye-Gazing Bonding Technique
by Lawrence Lanoff
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Eye-Gazing Bonding Technique
Eye-Gazing Bonding Technique
We have already talked about eye-gazing during orgasm. It feels fucking amazing. And it's an incredibly powerful technique for connection building. However, if you really want to go deep, I recommend you try my “4Minute Eye-Gazing Technique.” Eye-gazing is a Tantric practice that is said to help us go beyond a person’s physical self and our preconceived ideas about who the other person is. Eye-gazing truly gives us an opportunity to see into another’s depth of being. People have reported being flooded with feelings of empathy, compassion, bonding, love, oneness, euphoria, openness, well-being, vulnerability, truly perceived, deeply understood, etc. when eye-gazing. Quite a powerful cocktail for developing a deeper bond! (See my segment on oxytocin.) When I was a novice and just starting to figure all this out, I tried this technique with a girl that I had just begun dating. We both felt closer and more connected afterwards, but she fell in love – HARD. So be careful who you try this with! You are going to give them an experience that is unlike any experience they have ever had before, and they will develop a strong association with you being the source of the wonderfully intense feelings with which they will be flooded.
Step 1: Get Her On Board Ask her if she would like to try this thing you read about called “The 4Minute Eye-Gaze,” which is supposed deepen the connection between two people.
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Eye-Gazing Bonding Technique Or, perhaps, you guys have already tried it with orgasming, in which case, you could just say something like, “You know how we make eye contact when we orgasm and it feels so good? Why don’t we try sitting across from one another for 4 minutes and eye-gaze? I read that 4 minutes is the magic number for creating a deeper feeling of connection. What do you think?”
Step 2: Get Comfortable It’s really important that the two of you be comfortable when using this technique. You can sit in chairs across from each other, but I prefer sitting cross-legged on the floor or bed. That way you can also be in contact by touching each other’s knees or holding hands. If sitting cross-legged is uncomfortable for you, stack some blankets or pillows underneath you. That usually helps, especially if you have tight hamstrings. You'll probably notice that you are both feeling a mixture of nerves and excitement by doing this exercise. Perhaps even a bit uncertainty about what is going to happen but looking forward to connecting with each other. Take a minute to let all that settle down a bit. Have a timer set and ready nearby so that when you’re ready to begin, you can quickly reach for it and hit ‘start.’
Step 3: Breathe Now that you are both comfortably situated, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths together. Use my 3-step-trance technique to put you both in a light trance.
Once you've done this, open your eyes again.
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Eye-Gazing Bonding Technique
Step 4: Eye Gaze Grab your timer and hit ‘start’ and begin gazing into one another’s eyes. You will probably find that your eyes want to dart back and forth from one eye to another. That’s OK and normal. But you may want to settle down and choose one eye to focus on for a while, and then maybe switch to the other. Keep your gaze soft and relaxed. This is not a staring contest. Notice what is happening in your body without judgment and allow whatever sensations or feelings that are coming up to flow like the waves of an ocean; they will come and they will go. You may notice various shapes or colors changing when it comes to your vision of the other person. Her face may begin to melt and change as if you both took a hit of LSD. This is all normal and you should just let it be and don’t get overly focused on it.
Step 5: Share your insights Afterward, discuss your experience with her. How did it feel to be seen? How was it to look deeply into one another’s souls? What feelings came up? Did your faces change? Are your hearts more open? Do you feel closer and more connected? Feel free to do this with each other as often or as little as you like. I’ve found, however, that making it a regular practice can really help keep the relationship on track and help both people maintain a feeling of relaxation and safety.
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