THE EX FACTOR GUIDE The Comprehensive Guide To Getting Your Ex Back Fourth Edition -- Published June 2014
By Brad Browning
©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Important Disclaimers By purchasing this product, you are confirming that you understand and accept the following important disclaimers:
This Product Is Not A Substitute For Certified Professional Counseling This product is not a substitute for counseling, advice, or medical assistance administered by certified professionals. The author does not guarantee the accuracy or effectiveness of any information or advice provided within this product. If you are unsure about the advice or information provided by Brad Browning or found in this product, seek further assistance from a certified professional.
Know The Signs Of Depression & Seek Help If Needed Breakups and relationship conflict can lead to sadness, depression, and a wide range of other difficult emotions. This is to be expected and is normal for most people. However, in rare circumstances, or with individuals who suffer from medical or psychological conditions, breakups can lead to clinical depression. If, at any time, you believe that the depression symptoms you are experiencing are not normal – or if you have thoughts of suicide or self-harm – seek professional help immediately. Regardless of where you live, there are mental health resources and assistance available to you. Contact your doctor or phone your local health care provider to find the help you need in your local area. Click here to see a list of symptoms associated with depression. If you encounter any of these symptoms, seek help from a certified mental health practitioner.
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Table of Contents Prologue: The Big Picture ................................................................................................................. 9 Wait… What’s Your REAL Goal? ............................................................................................................... 10 The Science Of Being Happy..................................................................................................................... 12 The Bottom Line ...................................................................................................................................... 14
Chapter 1: Introduction ................................................................................................................. 17 Forget About What You Think You Know.................................................................................................. 18 I’m Rooting For You ................................................................................................................................. 20 I’m Here To Help If You Need It ................................................................................................................ 21 The Real Reason You’re Alone ................................................................................................................. 22
Chapter 2: Attractive Characteristics .............................................................................................. 25 Oxytocin: Your Secret Weapon ................................................................................................................ 34
Chapter 3: Unattractive Characteristics .......................................................................................... 37 Chapter 4: Panic & Acceptance ...................................................................................................... 46 Don’t Pressure Her .................................................................................................................................. 49 Some Good News .................................................................................................................................... 51
Chapter 5: Start With ‘No Contact’ ................................................................................................. 53 Why 31 Days? ......................................................................................................................................... 56 “But I Can’t Wait That Long!” ................................................................................................................... 57 What If I’ve Done Too Much Begging and Pleading Already?..................................................................... 59
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What If You Broke Up A While Ago?......................................................................................................... 61 What If Your Ex Lives In Another City? ..................................................................................................... 61 Pick Up An Old Hobby (Or A New One!) ................................................................................................... 66 Lean On Your Friends .............................................................................................................................. 68 Start Exercising More .............................................................................................................................. 69 Focus More Energy On Your Work ........................................................................................................... 70 What If No Contact is Physically Impossible? ............................................................................................ 71
Chapter 6: Start Dating Other Women ........................................................................................... 77 How To Let Her Know You’re Dating ........................................................................................................ 78 Hang Out With Mutual Friends ................................................................................................................ 81 Take A Lot Of Pictures – And Post Them!.................................................................................................. 81 What If She’s Dating Other Men Already? ................................................................................................ 82
Chapter 7: What If She Contacts You? ............................................................................................ 85 What If She Calls?.................................................................................................................................... 89
Chapter 8: What If She Doesn’t Contact You? ................................................................................. 94 You Have Two Options… .......................................................................................................................... 97 What Should You Text Her? ..................................................................................................................... 98 The Pointless Text ................................................................................................................................... 99 The Good Reminder Text ....................................................................................................................... 100 How You Should Call Her ....................................................................................................................... 102 When She Calls Or Writes You Back… ..................................................................................................... 105 “What If This Doesn’t Work?” ................................................................................................................ 110
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Chapter 9: The “Date”...................................................................................................................112 Body Language & Tone of Voice ............................................................................................................. 112 Conversation Topics For The “Date” ....................................................................................................... 114 How To Tell A Good Story ...................................................................................................................... 114 Focus On… ............................................................................................................................................ 116
Chapter 10: Seduce Her All Over Again ..........................................................................................119 Seduction In A Nutshell ......................................................................................................................... 120 Attraction ............................................................................................................................................. 120 Your Physical Appearance ..................................................................................................................... 122 Tease Her!............................................................................................................................................. 123 Kinesthetic Attraction............................................................................................................................ 125 Taking Kino A Step Further .................................................................................................................... 128 Find An Excuse To Move Locations ......................................................................................................... 130 How To Kiss Her .................................................................................................................................... 131 A Dirty Attraction Tip… .......................................................................................................................... 132 My “6 Magic Words” ............................................................................................................................. 133
Chapter 11: Sex! ...........................................................................................................................135 What To Do After Sex ............................................................................................................................ 138
Chapter 12: Preventing Breakup ...................................................................................................144 Keep Things Interesting ......................................................................................................................... 145 Induce Jealousy ..................................................................................................................................... 148
Chapter 13: Desperation Tactics ....................................................................................................151
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The Desperation Letter .......................................................................................................................... 153
Chapter 14: Conclusion .................................................................................................................157
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Prologue
The Big Picture ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Prologue: The Big Picture This book is about getting your ex back. For the next 14 chapters, that’s all I’m going to be talking about. But before we begin talking about your ex, I want to quickly remind you of something that you may have already lost sight of. Something extremely important that you need to keep in mind as you read through this book.
Wait… What’s Your REAL Goal? I know, I know… you want your ex back. And I’m going to help you make that happen. But guess what? Your ex is not what you’re REALLY seeking. I mean, sure… you DO want your ex back… but have you stopped to think about why? You want your ex back because that’s your ticket to happiness. With your ex back in your life, the loneliness, heartache, and depression that have been hovering
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above your head since the breakup will finally disappear and you’ll feel happy and satisfied with life once again. But remember: it’s actually happiness that you’re chasing after, not your ex. I’m not saying this because I want you to stop trying to fix things with your ex and move on. Not at all – in fact, I am confident that this book will give you the strategies you need to make that happen. I’ve seen thousands of couples re-unite thanks to the tips and strategies in this book. But, at the end of the day, you can still “win” and achieve happiness… even if your ex disappears from your life forever. I know that’s an annoying thing to hear right now – I’m sure your friends and family have already given you the speech about how there’s “plenty of fish in the sea” and “you’ll find someone new soon” – but it’s 100% true. If I told you I could match you up with your ‘soulmate’ – someone who would make you just as happy and content as your ex did, and then some – would you say no, and continue chasing after your ex? If so, then you need to really think that one through, because it’s a clear indication that you’ve lost sight of the bigger picture.
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The Science Of Being Happy You probably think this entire prologue about “finding happiness” is a bunch of crap to try and make you feel better, right? Or maybe you think I’m just trying to prepare you for the possibility you may fail to get your ex back? Wrong. On both accounts. Like most of the things in this book, my comments in this prologue about “finding happiness” are derived from science. Researchers have proven that, with very few exceptions, any event that happens today will have very little (if any) impact on how happy you are in 3 months time. In other words, short of your first-born child tragically dying in a plane crash, nothing can keep you feeling sad and heartbroken way for more than a few months. Numerous studies have confirmed this. This is important to understand, because it is scientific proof to support what I said earlier: that you will achieve your overarching goal – to be happy and satisfied with life again – within a few months. Even if your breakup was brutal and your 20-year
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marriage is in shambles, six months from now, you won’t be feeling crappy because of it. Still skeptical? Examples of how past events have very little impact on our longterm happiness are everywhere you look. My favorite example: a few years ago, a Louisiana man who was wrongfully convicted of murder and spent 37 years in maximum security prison had his guilty verdict overturned thanks to new DNA evidence that proved his innocence. What did this man, wrongfully jailed for most of his adult life, have to say when interviewed a year after his release? “I don’t have any regrets,” he said, reflecting on the 4 decades he spent behind bars. “It was a glorious experience.” Uh, ok. Right. Sounds crazy, but it proves the point very well. Essentially, this poor guy lived through 37 years of hell, but within a year of being released from prison, his time in prison had no impact on his happiness. So surely, if half a life in prison has zero impact on how happy a person feels just one year after being released, don’t you think you’ll manage to recover from this breakup just as quickly?
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Now, if it’s already been a year or more since your breakup and you’re still feeling just as heartbroken today as you were the day your ex dumped you, then one of two things has happened: a) you haven’t taken the steps necessary to move on and continue with your life in a positive direction (this is necessary even if you want your ex back, as you’ll read later in this book); or b) you’re facing a particularly challenging situation and it will take longer than normal (maybe another 6 months, or more) to get over the worst of the heartache and start feeling better about life. (If you’re interested in learning more about the psychology of happiness and how the human brain overcomes adversity, watch this fascinating TED Talk video by Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert.)
The Bottom Line In the next 14 chapters, I’m going to give you all the information you need to win your ex back. This is usually enough to make that happen, and when it does, you’ll be happier than ever. But, even in the unlikely event that your situation is truly and you fail to get a second chance with your ex, even after following my advice to the letter… you’ll still end up finding satisfaction and contentment!
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If there’s one thing I can promise you, it’s this: sooner than later, you will find happiness again. With or without your ex.
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Chapter 1
Introduction ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 1: Introduction Welcome to The Ex Factor Guide! This e-book is the comprehensive guide to getting your girlfriend back. Let me start off by saying this… I know exactly how you feel right now. I know the gut-wrenching feeling of having your heart broken into a billion little pieces, only to hear “Don’t talk to me.” and “I don’t care.” I know the feeling of having that girl call you up and tell you that she doesn’t love you anymore. I know the feeling of having her ignore you to the point that she won’t even look at you or talk to you. I know the feeling of walking home after a hard day’s work only to catch your girlfriend kissing another man in your bedroom. I know how it feels to take a glance at your girlfriend’s cell phone, only to read several text messages from men saying what they want to do with her in bed. I just know. You can trust me on that. Even as I write this, all those horrible feelings come back to haunt me. It kills me to know that you’re going through this right now. I just want you to know that I’ve felt everything you are feeling right now plus much, much more.
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The good news, though, is that I eventually overcame all those feelings… and, as I talked about in the prologue, you too will recover and find happiness again. Enough about me. Let’s talk about you and your ex.
Forget About What You Think You Know Most people think breakups are simple, and that winning your ex back is just a matter of apologizing and promising things will be different if you start over with your ex. Yeah, right. If it were that simple, I wouldn’t have spent the last decade helping men and women around the world reverse their breakups. No-one would need my advice if getting an ex back was easy or simple. Unfortunately, when it comes to relationship dynamics and the psychology of breakups, most people are totally clueless. Which is why you need to be wary of anyone who offers you “advice”… especially if it contradicts the strategies in this book. Maybe you’ve asked a close friend or one of your relatives about the breakup… and I know they probably told you something like:
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“Just tell her you love her and she’ll come running back!” Or… ”Tell her that you’re sorry for being the way you are and show her that you care!” While this advice sounds logical, it’s the last thing you should do if you ever want to see your girlfriend again. Do you want to learn the first step on how to get your girlfriend back right now? Don’t do anything right now… except read this book from cover to cover. You heard me…. read this book in its entirety right now, before you do anything else. Frankly, I wish someone gave me a book like this when my first long-term girlfriend dumped me. Had I received some proper guidance, I wouldn’t have made so many stupid mistakes. In fact, I’d probably still be with her right now. I can tell you for a fact that you are probably doing something right now that is actually pushing your ex girlfriend further away from you (and into the arms of another man). Unless you apply all of the advice and strategies I discuss in this book, that will continue to be the case. The more you read this book, and the more you understand
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the information that I’m telling you, the better chances you’ll have of re-igniting your relationship with her.
I’m Rooting For You I promise you from the very bottom of my heart that I want you to succeed. That’s why I wrote this book. I didn’t write this book to gain fame and fortune. I genuinely want to help men cure their broken hearts. I’m sick and tired of poor guys all around the world getting walked all over by bitchy women. I’m sick and tired of men emailing me and crying for help. And I’m sick of all the desperation and tears. I’ve tried to make this book as short as possible. Unlike other relationship books, I won’t fill this book with unrelated garbage. I’ll only tell you what you need to know and nothing more because I know
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that your time is valuable. If you have any questions about the book, please add me as a friend Facebook, follow me on Twitter, and add me to your Google+ circles. I encourage you to add me to all three as I regularly post useful content that you can apply immediately. I’m also happy to answer quick questions via social media, either privately or on my public profile, so feel free to drop me a line. And by the way, when this program works for you, I give you permission to send me an awesome gift.
I’m Here To Help If You Need It In case you missed my offer when you signed up to the program, I offer personal 1-on-1 coaching. Because I know how difficult it can be to cope with the loss of someone, I can be there for you to personally guide you through the steps of getting your ex back. Most of my coaching clients have had remarkable success, which makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, but it also makes my personal coaching service a worthwhile
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investment for those who need further advice that’s custom tailored to their unique situation. Everybody is different and every situation is different. If you sign up for my personal coaching service, I will personally tailor a plan of action specific to getting your ex back. If you want to check out the details of my personal coaching service, you can click here for additional information or to sign up now. I won’t be able to offer this service forever, as I can only help so many clients a month, so I recommend you sign up ASAP to ensure you’re able to reserve your spot.
The Real Reason You’re Alone You can drive yourself insane asking questions about what went wrong in your relationship. I know I did. Sometimes, the reasons why a relationship ends can be quite complex… but usually understanding what went wrong will help identify the very best way to get your girlfriend back into your arms. Although the reasons for a breakup may be quite varied and numerous, they all boil down to one significant factor: your girlfriend has lost her attraction for you. Whether this loss of attraction resulted from one specific event or occurred slowly over
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many months, something has occurred that forced her to move on and break up with you. A famous relationship expert once said that “attraction isn’t a choice”. Sadly, he’s absolutely right. You simply cannot force yourself to be attracted to somebody. Think of an ugly female friend you have… someone you don’t find the least bit attractive. You can’t force yourself to love her, can you? Sure, maybe you’d be okay with having sex with her if the chance arose (with a brown paper bag over her head), but there’s nothing you can do to make yourself love her if she just isn’t your “cup of tea.” This is the same for women. You simply can’t flick a switch and make a girl love you again, in the same way you can’t snap your fingers and make yourself love that ugly friend of yours (even though she might be the nicest person on the planet, attraction can’t be forced, it has to occur naturally). You can, however, learn how to manipulate your behavior to make yourself much more attractive to the opposite sex… and more importantly, to your ex-girlfriend. In the next chapter, I’ll briefly go over the list of attractive male qualities.
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Chapter 2
Attractive Characteristics ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 2: Attractive Characteristics What you’re about to read is information that most men will never know in their entire lives. This is a nearly exhaustive list of traits that attractive men possess. Do you know any guys that are just naturally gifted with women? Study this list and you’ll find that your “Don Juan” friend possesses many of these attractive characteristics…
1.) You are a leader. Women are naturally attracted to men with power. There’s a reason why women want to sleep with the star quarterback of a football team – not the backup kicker. There’s a reason why women want to sleep with the lead singer of the band and not the bass player (no offense if you play bass!). The
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ability to lead and be powerful is one of the most effective aphrodisiacs.
2.) You don’t let other people affect and change your reality – especially on an emotional level. Attractive women are used to seeing guys get emotionally flustered when they’re around them. But when they see a guy who is completely indifferent to them, they get emotionally flustered.
You see, women have an incredible “Sixth Sense.” No, this doesn’t mean they see ghosts that jump out of the television screen (though, at times, a girl may seem this psychotic… but that’s for an entirely different book altogether). Women are very attuned to social subtleties. They can read your body language and decipher underlying truths of what you’re *actually* trying to say. And based on these factors, they can deduce how ‘sexually’ needy you are.
3.) You don’t care what other people think of you. Men who don’t give a sh*t are badass. Look at Hollywood movies or the most popular TV shows and you’ll find the sexy male figures share this quality. It is very attractive, and can also tie in to
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the first two traits mentioned above (leaders aren’t afraid to buck a trend). The attractive characteristics I
4.) You take care of yourself. Though it might not
describe in this chapter are what I
be the very reason your
call the “Alpha Attraction”
girlfriend broke up with you, men in
framework. The entire Ex Factor
relationships tend to “let themselves go.” Being clean and handsome isn’t rocket
Guide program is built around these fundamental traits, because they’re the key to rebuilding your
science, and does wonders for creating
ex’s attraction for you. Since you
attraction with your girlfriend (and other
can’t talk your way back into her
women!). Surprisingly enough, studies show
arms, you need to use the Alpha
that being well-groomed also means that
Attraction framework to change
you’ll be more successful in life and have more friends!
her mind to the point where she chooses, of her own free will, to get back together. The good news is that, at some point in the past,
5.) You know how to provoke a positive emotional response in women. In other words, you know how to have fun. That
©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
your ex was attracted to you… so your objective is to make her feel that way again.
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means making her laugh. You’ve probably heard that humor is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs a man can possess. And, the majority of the time, if you ask a woman what she looks for in a man, there’s a very good chance that she’ll probably say “humor.” Use it! If you aren’t blessed with natural charm and the ability to make women laugh, don’t worry, because you can learn this skill.
6.) You are rich (and I don’t mean financially rich, although that never hurts either!). You are culturally, mentally, and emotionally rich. Because of this, you are a selfless giver to the ones you love. You don’t give your value to people you don’t know and it takes a lot for someone to get into your “good books.” Since you have an abundance of value, you never need anything. Loser guys constantly ask for money and love, but “high-value” men never ask for anything. They are independent and strong. Did you make this mistake when you were in your
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relationship?
7.) You are intelligent and talented. You have passions that extend beyond watching TV and playing videogames. Women are attracted to men that have a diverse array of skills. That means you love playing the piano. You sing. You dance. You can paint. You can juggle eight chainsaws simultaneously while you fish… in the dark! You get the picture.
8.) You are social. You’ve got a ton of friends and you are very socially “aware.” You love your friends and treat them with respect. In your eyes, your friends are of very high value and you don’t surround yourself with losers. You also know how to make friends easily.
9.) You have goals. You’re ambitious. No girlfriend wants a lazy and uninspired boyfriend. You need to know exactly what you want and exactly how to get it. Even something as little as announcing what you’re going to do that day – and then doing it – makes a huge difference. Don’t be afraid to share your goals with
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women. This is extremely sexy!
10.) Other women want you. Although this may have been a source of problems in your relationship, you’ve never cheated. You also make it known to your girlfriend that other women that are chasing you. Other relationship experts call this “preselection.” When a woman sees that you’re with other attractive women, she is hard-wired to feel attraction for you. Sometimes relationships get boring because there’s no “risk” of losing their mates. Yes, this sounds absurd, but it’s true. Carefully and subtly, let her know that other girls are interested, but that you don’t care about them.
11.) You’re a bold protector of the ones you are closest to. That means you know how to take care of your friends and your family. You stick up for your girlfriend through thick and thin.
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12.) You understand her. “Oh my God! Edward Cullen from Twilight! It’s like he understands me!” Just be like that mind-reading vampire from a teen fiction novel and you’ll have women clamoring after you. But seriously… you make it known to her that you understand her (and other women) on a level that no other guy can.
13.) You’re humble. You may have been told you that you need to always be “cocky and confident” to the point that you’re borderline arrogant, but I’m here to tell you that women are incredibly turned off by this. Showing a woman you have great value isn’t about telling her that you have value, it’s about showing her you have value. There’s a difference. Walking up to a woman and saying, “I’m filthy rich” is quite different from driving up to the same woman in a shiny new Ferrari and smiling at her. Show her you’re awesome, don’t tell her.
14.) You are a lover for all the right reasons. You don’t love your girl because of her body or how well she performs in the sack… you like her for who she actually is! That doesn’t mean you need to treat her like she’s gold, but treating her like a
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piece of meat isn’t going actually make her like you.
15.) You’re powerful, decisive, and you don’t take crap from anyone! You don’t tolerate bad behavior from anyone. And if anyone does something “wrong” you call him or her out on it and you make sure it doesn’t happen again. Being a pushover is not attractive, period.
16.) You’re an optimist – not a pessimist. You’re a “half cup full” type of person. Remember, your world is always a great place to be. People are happy to be around you. People aren’t going to be happy around if you are constantly bitching and complaining about how things never go your way. Not only will this make you more attractive, but it’s also proven that positive people are much more likely to be successful than people who are constantly down on themselves.
17.) You’re always comfortable to be around. You aren’t constantly stressed out about your life. You’re always cool, calm, and collected. Being stressed out will only make your girlfriend stressed out. This isn’t a good thing. You usually have a calm and relaxed demeanor about yourself. People effortlessly get along with you
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and you rarely ever get flustered.
18.) You’re candid with women. You’re honest. Obviously, you don’t try and be someone you’re not and you stay truthful on all levels. Women can sense you’re faking it better than you can.
19.) You identify with women’s emotions. You know what she’s feeling and you know how to communicate with women on an emotional level effectively. Failure to know what a woman is feeling often leads to conflict.
20.) You are a man and you are strong, but you also have a sensitive side. Yes, for the most part you are a man that gets what he wants and is strong on every level – emotionally, intellectually, and physically - but sometimes you show some
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vulnerability. By occasionally showing your human side, you’re letting her know in an indirect way that she’s “winning you over.”
Remember the location of this chapter, because I’ll be referring back to it several times over the course of this book. It’s probably in your best interest to memorize this list, too, because it will only help you get your girlfriend back. Although I know your only goal is to win her back, it never hurts to know how to be good with women in general. Because… who knows? Maybe once you get back with your ex, you’ll realize that she isn’t really for you and you’ll want to play the dating game again. Whatever the case might be, knowing what women want in their ideal man will prove useful regardless of how things pan out in the long run. Before I move on to unattractive characteristics, I first need to touch briefly on the science of attraction.
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Oxytocin: Your Secret Weapon Attraction is not something that humans have any control over. It’s a subconscious emotion that is caused by changes in the brain’s hormonal balance. Specifically, attraction is a result of a hormone called “oxytocin”. Oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” is a chemical secreted in the hypothalamus (of both men and women). Scientists have proven that the more oxytocin a person’s brain is producing, the more attracted they become to a member of the opposite sex. So, when you display the attractive characteristics outlined in this chapter, you’ll be helping to stimulate the production of oxytocin in your ex’s brain… and, because it’s an uncontrollable hormonal change that she is powerless to stop, it works no matter how much she may think that getting back together is a terrible idea. The bottom line on oxytocin is simple: if you demonstrate the “attractive characteristics” I discuss in this book successfully (and avoid displaying the negative traits that kill attraction), your ex’s brain will produce oxytocin and she’ll find it harder and harder to resist your advances.
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Chapter 3
Unattractive Characteristics ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 3: Unattractive Characteristics Women leave their boyfriends and husbands because the attraction disappears, and there are several key reasons why attraction fades. I guarantee you that the reason your relationship ended was because you showed at least one of these fatal characteristics (which I’ll list below). These are things that repel women. All of these traits, not surprisingly, are caused primarily by insecurity. These are what I like to call The Six Deadly Sins in a relationship.
1.) Being way too controlling. Women hate it when their man puts weird and unrealistic restraints on their lives. This means he won’t let her talk to other guys or even hang out with her friends. The root cause of this behavior is fear – fear of losing his girlfriend or fear that she will find a better man. Sometimes the more controlling a man can get over his girlfriend, the less control he’ll
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actually have. It’s important to give your girlfriend space. If you do everything else properly, this will give her an incentive to miss you.
2.) Having low self-esteem. Always being down and depressed is very unattractive. A lot of men are self-demeaning in a humorous manner, but if self-esteem is a serious issue, then don’t be surprised that your girlfriend left you. If you think your self-esteem problem runs deeper than most, it might the time to go the doctor – depression is the type of thing that could very well be something that’s beyond your control.
3.) Being “clingy” or always needing attention. If you think your lady likes it when you constantly call her/text her/message her… then you’re wrong. Space is extremely important in creating attraction. I mean, chances are you’ve probably been on the other side of the coin – haven’t you ever had a girl constantly barrage you with text messages and phone calls? Were you attracted to this girl? Chances are, you
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probably weren’t. High value men never need human interaction because they receive an abundance of it from a variety of people every day. So don’t tell her you love her too much… tell her only when she deserves it.
4.) Being jealous all the time. Maybe you really don’t like how she’s hanging out with her friends… or maybe one of her guy co-workers is getting to you. If you let this genuinely get to you, you are communicating to your girlfriend in an indirect way that she has more value than you. Jealousy is the ultimate form of insecurity.
If you’re the jealous type (and unfortunately, sometimes you can’t control these emotions) then force yourself to make it seem that you aren’t jealous. You need to take on the attitude that “other men are completely harmless because you are higher value than all of them.” Most of the time, if you were good enough to attract your girlfriend in the first place, this will be true… so you really have nothing to worry about. 99% of the time, jealousy is completely unjustified. There’s a great quote about relationships in the movie ‘40 Year Old Virgin’: “Don’t put the pussy on the pedestal.” In other words, don’t make your girlfriend your whole entire life. Make it so that you have other things you care about
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instead of (or in addition to) her.
5.) Seeking external validation. Powerful, desirable men never seek validation from others. They live life on their own terms and they don’t care what others think of them. This is incredibly attractive. The complete opposite, however, isn’t. Maybe you’ve asked your girlfriend things like, “Do you really love me? How much? Do you think I’m lean/muscular enough? Is my penis big enough for you? Did you have a good time with me?”
By asking these questions to your girlfriend, you are simply sub-communicating to her that you’re not sure if you’re good enough for her (otherwise you wouldn’t be asking these questions in the first place). You’re going to have to live with the fact that you’re not perfect – nobody is. The attractive thing to do is to just simply accept who you are and be comfortable in your own skin.
6.)
Cheating. I hope I don’t have to really explain why this is an incredibly unattractive trait for a man to have. Have you ever been cheated on? If you have, then I’m very sorry. It is indeed a terrible feeling… and it’s a feeling that you would never want to put your girlfriend through. The truth is, people cheat all the
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time. But quite often, the reason women cheat is because their partner or spouse was demonstrating one or more of these Six Deadly Sins that I’ve just talked about – that is, being clingy, having low self-esteem, being jealous, being controlling, seeking external validation, and being unfaithful. It’s either that, or you simply haven’t exhibited enough of the attractive qualities mentioned earlier in this book.
This list of unattractive qualities is certainly not exhaustive. Sometimes, constant disagreements can be the root of the problem. This is a common killer of relationships. Most arguments that ultimately kill relationships relate to appreciation, or the lack of it. Women need to feel appreciated by their men. When the feeling of appreciation dissipates, this will lead to conflict and argument. Regardless of the reasons that led to fading attraction, the effects are always the same: your girlfriend will feel less attracted to you and thus, she’ll start to care less.
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Remember these words: “The person that cares least in the relationship has the most control.” Right now, I am guessing that your girlfriend broke up with you against your own will. And as of right now, she has all the power… because she cares less than you do. Do you remember when your relationship with her first started? Everything was probably really awesome, wasn’t it? You were confident, flirtatious, funny, and most likely, very attractive. You didn’t have the chance to show your insecurities because everything was new. You knew she was into you and you were happy with yourself. Over time, things began to change. Maybe you caught her having a really good “conversation” with one of her best guy friends. Or maybe one of her guy friends keeps contacting her. You started to worry, so you started breaking down and acting like a wuss. You started committing at least one of the Six Deadly Sins and she began to lose interest in you. Because she lost attraction for you, she began to care less about you. And thus, the “balance of power” began to shift in her favor. We need to work on shifting the balance of power, and this is what the next few chapters will concentrate on.
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Featured Customer Coaching Question Real Email Exchanges From Past Customers (Names Changed For Privacy)
“Have I Already Made Too Many Mistakes?” Question Sent By: Christie L. “Hi Brad, I've read your ebook multiple times - I feel I have done so much damage that I really have no hope of getting my ex back - he has raised my 2 year old since he was 6 months and I am now 4 months along with his child, but he wants nothing to do with us - I've tried endless to talk to him, not even get back together talk but just to involve him with appointments and not and he still just tells me to fuck off and that he hates me because I make him look stupid because I texted another guy - and he uses this as his excuse as breaking up with me - he told me last night he would still have been with me, if I didn't text another guy (someone I don't even know - I just invited him over while I was fighting with my ex although he never came over and I never spoke to the person again) and that I've taken his family from him. He's spends all his time chasing his best friend (female) around because her husband is in the marines and over in Afghanistan - And she tells him not be with me, He's dumps all over me and my kids and puts her kids above mine - it's not normal to me and I find it hard to deal with. My question is, How do you know when there's too much damage to fix it anymore. He's using the excuse of me talking to randoms as the excuse for leaving me, how is me posting photos of me with random guys going to make him want me back, when that's why he says he left in the first place. Thanks Brad!! Christie L.”
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“Take His Words With A Grain of Salt…” Brad Browning’s Reply To Question From Christie L. “Hi Christie, What you need to realize first is that the reason he left you isn't because of you texting random guys. It's because your attraction level with him in the first place just isn't high enough. The texting incident is just a lame and pathetic excuse for him to leave (but don't tell him this directly, of course). Obviously, what you need to be doing right now is not contact him for now. You need to take care of yourself and spend time with your child. When are you due? You need to show how much fun you are having with your family and ignore him for now. Yes, you need to stop looking like you're dating multiple guys, but at the same time, you need to show the world that you're happy. That means spending time with your girlfriends, going out, and making it seem like to him that he's missing out. Eventually, he is going to want to see his child and tend to his mother -- that’s the decent thing to do. Once this happens, we will work on patching things up with him permanently. But if he doesn’t even want to attempt to take care of his child, then cutting him loose is probably the best option anyways. Hope that helps! -Brad B.”
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Chapter 4
Panic & Acceptance ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 4: Panic & Acceptance Okay. So you’re probably still quite fresh off your breakup, and you’re emotionally broken. I know what you really want to do… you want to call her up and talk. You want to send her an e-mail or Facebook message explaining how much you miss her and how much you’re willing to fix things. You want to get on your phone and send her a million text messages letting her know how you feel. Does this sound about accurate? I know the feeling. You’re panicking. And this is perfectly normal for you to feel this way, but acting on your current emotions right now is definitely not the best way to get back with your ex-girlfriend. By acting on these emotions, you’re basically telling her that you’re desperate. Desperation and insecurity are, as we have concluded, very negative and unattractive traits. So bear with me – if you want your ex-girlfriend back, don’t do anything yet. But what is panic? Why are you feeling this way? I know you aren’t typically like this. In fact, you’re probably a very rational and understanding person under normal circumstances, but panic and desperation can cause even the most rational person to
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make bad decisions. So where does panic come from? Panic comes from the immediate loss of something is valuable to you. Think about a quarterback in a football game for a minute. The quarterback has to make a decision on what to do with the ball before the defensive lineman tries to tackle him. As the defensive player attempts to break through the quarterback’s offensive linemen, the quarterback is losing time and space. If he’s a bad quarterback, he’ll wait until the very last moment, panic, and do something stupid with the ball. A good quarterback, on the other hand, is calmer, cooler, and is therefore much more likely to do something rational with the football. Sometimes people panic because they are thrown into a completely different situation. Even if, logically, your girlfriend wasn’t exactly right for you… at least you were accustomed to having her around. You were familiar with her, and familiarity is something humans like. This sort of change is enough to induce panic in most men, especially if they’ve been with their girlfriend for a long period of time.
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So before you make things better, you need to focus on yourself and lessen the amount of desperation you’re feeling. Only then will you be able to think rationally and win your girlfriend back. In essence, what you need to do right now is accept the current situation. It obviously isn’t to your liking, but the breakup happened. As of this moment, there is absolutely nothing you can do or say to get her back right now. (Don’t worry, we’re getting there.) Trust me, you don’t want to go down the other, dangerous path. I’ve attempted to help many men that fail because they fail to accept the situation, and they start doing the complete opposite of what I say. They’ll start lying to their ex about certain situations. They’ll begin to stalk their ex… not only physically, but via the internet, too. They will begin to send hurtful and sometimes hateful messages to their ex-girlfriends, which only augment the problem. Sometimes, they’ll even seek revenge and attempt to sleep with their ex-girlfriend’s friends (which, surprise, surprise, doesn’t work at all). All I’m saying is this: I know there are a lot of negative emotions you’re feeling right now, and it’s completely normal. It’s how you handle these emotions that define
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you as a person… and it can have a major impact on whether or not you succeed in getting back together with your ex.
Don’t Pressure Her Pressuring your ex to get back together with you will just be the nail in the coffin. I remember when I used sell suits at a men’s clothing store (way back in the day…). At the time, I had absolutely no idea how to sell anything. I had no idea why they even hired me. On my very first day, I went up to my first prospective customer and I laid down the law of the land – “Buy now and get the second suit half off! Sale ends tomorrow! Buy now or you’ll definitely regret it! This suit looks GREAT on you!” Whoa. I’m not exactly sure why my manager didn’t fire me right then and there. Maybe because she just felt sorry for me! Needless to say, I didn’t sell a single bloody suit my
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first day at work. Why? Because I was pressuring my customers. My manager took me aside the next day and just told me to relax. So I did. After a few more encounters with customers, I sold my first suit using the weirdest technique ever: I stopped trying. Okay, don’t take that too literally… I did still try and sell suits, but I made it appear like it didn’t matter if they bought the suit or not. Instead, I just simply talked about how our suits compared with suits from other stores. I talked about what type of things to look for when buying a new suit. I just talked about useful information, and everything else just fell into place. I became the best suit salesman in the universe (well, no, but I was the best suit salesman at my store at least…). If you ever feel the temptation to try and contact your ex and pressure her into getting back together with you, stop and tell yourself, “If I really want to get back with my girlfriend, then I’ll listen to Brad Browning. He knows what to do!” Here’s the unfortunate truth: you cannot talk your ex into giving your relationship another try. And, if you attempt to do so, you’ll almost certainly make matters much worse.
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Some Good News Like I said, there is a silver lining amidst the panic and depression. Chances are, your ex probably still wants you back in her arms. It’s true. I mean, think about it logically for a second. You two have history… and despite whatever happened between you two, you will both still have those great memories and stories you experienced together. You have a ton of inside jokes that you’ve both shared. You both have had some sexual history as well (at least I hope so). The bottom of the line is that at some point in your life, you were both quite attracted to each other. You see, human beings are, for the most part, creatures of habit. You probably wake up every morning with the exact same routine… and throwing a wrench in your morning routine is probably unthinkable at this point. This is the exact same thing that your girlfriend has shared with you! You are extremely comfortable with one another. In fact, she is probably more familiar with you than any other guy right now. You have an advantage over the competition.
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Chapter 5
Start With ‘No Contact’ ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 5: Start With ‘No Contact’ From reading the first few chapters, you probably deduced that this was the first step to getting your ex girlfriend back. Yes… the dreaded ‘no contact’ phase, or what I like to call, the Rekindling Period. This is where the battle is won or lost, my friend. Of the men that have failed under my guidance, I would guess that at least 80% of them failed because they didn’t do this part properly. It is absolutely crucial that you understand this. It is imperative that you do not initiate contact your ex girlfriend for at least one month. There is no exception to this rule (unless she contacts you first, but more on this later). Delete her contact info from your phone right now so you won’t even feel tempted to contact her. There are scientific reasons why this will help you get your girlfriend back so it is important that you take this seriously (for a number of reasons). First and foremost, you’re probably not in the right state of mind to have a meaningful conversation with your ex girlfriend right now. Emotions are too strong. Giving yourself some time to recover emotionally will help you focus and handle things in a rational manner.
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Not only will time help you heal, it will also give her some time to recover. Have you ever heard of the quote, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”? By not contacting your girlfriend, you give off the impression that you’ve moved on, which causes her experience a fear of loss. Once you stop reaching out and trying to talk to her, she’ll wonder why. Right now, she’s probably annoyed at the amount of times you’ve tried to call her, but when that disappears, she’ll begin to think about you more… she’ll be thinking, I wonder what he’s doing right now. I wonder if he’s gotten over me. Does he still want to talk to me? I wonder if he’s already found somebody else… Humans don’t usually know what they have until it’s gone. We take things for granted and it’s part of our nature. We can use this psychological tool to our advantage. Trust me, your girlfriend is going through a lot of the same emotions and heartache that you’re experiencing right now. Breaking up is painful for both sides, regardless of who makes the initial decision to end things. And, like a drug addict going through withdrawal, your girlfriend may be tempted to take the easy way out, and put an end to her heartache and loneliness… by getting back together with you!
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By not contacting your girlfriend, you’ll also be doing yourself a favor, as it will prevent you from acting like a complete jackass around your girlfriend. Remember how I said that women are really good at picking up non-verbal communication? Like they have a sixth sense? Unless you’re an actor with talent to rival Leonardo DiCaprio, you don’t want to risk subcommunicating negative characteristics around her (and you will). Finally, by not contacting your girlfriend, you’ll have ample time to read my e-book and complete my course… so you’ll know exactly what you’ll need to do to get your girlfriend back. So, what I want you to do right now is take out your planner or agenda. Find the date that is exactly 31 days from now, and circle it. Call it Contact Day. You will not contact your ex girlfriend until this day.
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Why 31 Days? Studies have proven why this 31-day mark is crucial. After about 3 weeks, your brain begins to reset itself on an emotional level. Now, I won’t say you’ll stop missing your ex completely after 3 weeks of no contact, but this is when your emotional side begins tame a little and you begin to start thinking more rationally (how you normally would think and act). Secondly, and most importantly, studies have shown that women begin to start missing their boyfriends/husbands intensely after about three weeks of no contact. You need to use this psychological tool as a weapon here. Chances are after about three weeks (and sometimes even less), your ex will contact you on her own discretion, wanting to get back with you! I’ve seen this happen way too many times to count. Often, women use their ex boyfriends to help them get over their own breakup! But by removing yourself from her reality completely, you are forcing her to heal herself
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emotionally on her own. You won’t be able to help her or be her emotional crutch. She’ll be forced to learn the hard way what her life will be like when you’re not around. This is what you want. If you know your girlfriend is the needy type, you can use this to your advantage. Marking this date will also give you a visual goal to work towards as well. Combined with the rest of the material I’ve included in my program,
If your breakup was a result of infidelity – whether it was a fullblown affair or just a few flirty texts – it’s critical that you make it clear to your ex that you’re sorry for cheating, and that you regret your actions deeply. You need to do this before you begin the 31 days of “No Contact”. You only
you’ll be able to better cope with the pain during
need to issue this apology once,
the No Contact period. And doesn’t it give you a
but it should be heartfelt and
sense of reassurance knowing that you’re doing
genuine. Your ex needs to know
exactly what you’re supposed to?
that you sincerely regret your actions, and that you’ve truly
“But I Can’t Wait That Long!” Yes, I know. 31 days seems like a very long time, and for the first few days it will crawl by, but
learned a painful lesson. Again, sincerity is key here… once you’ve issued a heartfelt apology, it’s time to leave your ex alone for 31 days.
only if you let it! Yes, there are things you can do
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right now to not only lessen the pain but also actually increase your chances of getting back with your ex once the 31-day mark rolls around. First, you need to start removing reminders of her. Go grab a piece of paper right now and write down her contact information. Delete her contact from your phone and hide the piece of paper where you know you won’t be able to see it. Second, delete every memory and mode of contact that you have with her. Delete her Skype contact, MSN contact, and be sure to delete all her e-mails (if you feel sentimental about these, make these messages difficult for you to access…save them in a folder and make the folder difficult to get to). The only exception to this is deleting her from Facebook (or any other social networking website where she knows she was deleted). But under no circumstance will you view her profile. You don’t want to see who’s writing on her wall or what she’s saying during this period. Facebook stalking won’t make you feel good about yourself, period. (To ensure that you don’t see her status updates in your Facebook timeline, click on one of her old posts or status updates and choose “don’t show this person’s updates in my Facebook feed”.)
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Next, gather all your physical items that remind you of her. That means stuffed animals, clothes, presents, and pictures. Gather everything and put it into a box and store it in a place that is a major pain in the ass to get to. Lock it up in the basement, hide it in your mom’s garage, or ask a friend to keep it for you… anything to get it out of sight. After, I want you to start fantasizing about other women and concentrate only on your ex-girlfriend’s negative side. Under no circumstance should you be fantasizing about your ex in any way. If you catch yourself thinking about your ex sexually, visualize having sex with other, even more beautiful women (ahem… the internet really helps in this department if you’re lacking inspiration…). As much as possible, just try not to think about your ex in any way. After this is complete, you need to now concentrating on taking your life back.
What If I’ve Done Too Much Begging and Pleading Already? The natural thing to do after a breakup is to beg and plead for forgiveness. If you’ve been paying attention to what I’ve been teaching you so far, you know that this will only make matters worse.
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If you feel that this is the case for you, then I present to you my Clean Slate Email template. Send this e-mail right before you engage in No Contact. Doing so will undo most of the damage that you think you’ve done since the breakup. If you’ve been in recent contact with your ex, then wait seven days before sending this Clean Slate Email.
“Hey! I know this is a bit random, but I just wanted to say thanks for all the great times we spent together. I’ve learned a lot from our relationship, and I’m moving on. I hope we can still be friends down the road, though. Anyway, hope all is well with you. :-)”
Regardless of whether your ex writes a response to this email or not, you should engage in No Contact directly after sending this. There are no exceptions. Resist any temptation to engage in a conversation with your ex at this point.
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What If You Broke Up A While Ago? If you broke up with your ex a long time ago (more than a few months), then you have to assess how your ex might be feeling right now. Do you think their emotions have reset to a neutral state? A lot of people e-mail me saying, “It’s been over a year now… are my chances blown out the window?” Well, it depends. Most of the time, however, chances are you have a better chance the longer you wait without contact with your ex. However, if you’ve been pestering your ex and constantly for several years, then chances are you’ve probably pushed your ex far too much away and, only at that point would I advise to move on. However, if you think your ex would be open to a line of communication, then read on… but do not contact your ex until you’ve thoroughly read everything in this book!
What If Your Ex Lives In Another City? Now, there’s a possibility that you broke up with your ex and they’ve moved somewhere else, far away.
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First of all, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. After all, if they’ve moved far away, it gives yourself some space to move on from him or her and to concentrate on yourself (more on this later). However, I’m not going to sugar coat things... chances are, if your ex has moved far, far away, then it’s going to be extremely difficult to develop the kind of attraction that is needed for her to want you back. If your ex is living somewhere very far away, you’ll either have to come up with a good excuse to visit them and then ask them out for a “date”. You can’t visit her without a very legitimate reason for being there, and you’ll definitely need to establish some rapport and get her thinking about you again before you even consider going to see her in person. Because long distance re-attraction can be complicated business, you may want to consider signing up for my personal coaching service if you are in this situation.
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Featured Customer Coaching Question Real Email Exchanges From Past Customers (Names Changed For Privacy)
“My Ex Lives Far, Far Away…” Question Sent By: Kathryn J. “Hey Brad! I had a long distance relationship (2 hour flight away) for two years with Chad. He is 24 and I'm 28. We visited each other back and forth every few weeks for weeks at a time. In August he came here to interview for jobs so he could move here to be with me but he didn't get any of the jobs he interviewed for. I went to visit him in September for two weeks and he was acting distant and kind of cold. When I got back home he broke up with me 2 weeks later in September saying he lost feelings for me. I'm pretty sure our major issue was communication and my insecurities in the relationship. I did No Contact for 30 days and we started speaking again in the middle of October. He kept asking me if I was dating a guy from work he saw me check in places with on facebook and seemed jealous. He flirted with me a lot, we even chatted on webcam. Then we began to chat almost daily again but short chats, not all day, everyday like it used to be. He initiated and sent me a lot of sexual links. His best friends girlfriend invited me to a new years party so I decided to go. The second I mentioned visiting his hometown for new years he became completely platonic towards me. He avoided going to the same new years party as me that week but we ended up hanging out 3 out of the 5 days I was there. He took me out to see a holiday light show, dinner, and I spent an entire day at his house watching movies. He made me lunch and we even hung out with him and his dad for awhile. He picked me up and dropped me off at the airport too.
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We had a talk about things and I was completely honest with him about still having feelings for him but I said I'd never push him to change his mind. He said he doesn't have feelings for me anymore, that I care too much, and that I need to move on, but we can be friends. He said I will see him again and we will be able to hangout again in the future. Since I got back home we talk on an instant messenger every so often. Lately it's been once or twice or week. Not very long chats either. He rarely ever initiates, sometimes he ignores me if I send him funny links or try to chat. I have really made an effort to change and rid myself of the insecurities I had while in the relationship. I've been working out, changed jobs, made new friends, gotten a social life, planned a trip to Japan. All of which he has seen on facebook and he seemed quite interested at first when we weren't speaking. He didn't try to contact me at all during the 30 day no contact period. I had so many new things to tell him about my life when I visited two weeks ago. He barely had much to say because not much has changed for him. He still hasn't found a job in engineering that he has been looking for. I'm not sure what to do anymore. We spoke a bit yesterday and he sent me a silly link but I don't feel that I have his interest. He's not near the computer as much as he used to be either. He used to be around to speak with me all the time. I don't know how to go about this or regain his interest in me. Our major form of communication is instant messenger. He doesn't have texting on his phone. Some advice I have heard is to back off and not initiate any form of contact with him unless he does to show I don't care so much. I'm not sure if that's the right or wrong way to go about things. How should I go about this? I know I need to re-attract him and rebuild an emotional connection but I'm unsure of the best way to go about it. Thanks so much Brad! -Kathryn J.”
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“Relax And Adjust The Strategy…” Brad Browning’s Reply To Question From Kathryn J. “Hi there Kathryn! You've got to continue with the no contact. No more instant messaging -- turn it off. I know it's difficult because you don't want to let him go (even as a friend), but you have to accept the fact that if you want him back, you have to let him go. I would almost recommend uninstalling instant messengers. To be honest, I really hate communicating by instant messenger, because the real life interactions never live up to the "hype". Someone is always let down and it's just not an organic way to hold a relationship. Indeed, long distance relationships are hard, but there are better ways to communicate. You need to just give some time for yourself to heal and to move on. Where are you going to in Japan? I've always wanted to go. Where are you working now? Have you been dating anyone else? By now, you’ve probably realized the errors that you’ve made while you were in a relationship with him. Clearly, you displayed and conveyed far too much interest. Remember that early in a relationship, you have to take things slow and remain “mysterious” -- this is how you can keep your man interested. So your plan for now is to remain in no contact. Don’t sign in for a very long time (and he will notice this). Don’t be surprised if he tries to contact you via e-mail in a few weeks wondering where you’ve been. Once this happens, we can plan something then! Best of luck! -Brad B.”
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It’s very important that you use the 30 days of No Contact wisely, keeping busy to ensure you’re not tempted to reach out to your ex… and working on all sorts of ‘self-improvement’ activities that will make you more attractive to your ex when you begin to re-establish communication with her.
Pick Up An Old Hobby (Or A New One!) Is there something in the past that you really enjoyed doing that you no longer do anymore (for whatever reason)? Relationships take up a lot of time. Surely there are a few activities that you probably dropped ever since you got together with your girlfriend. If you don’t have anything in mind, pick up a new hobby! Whether it be hiking, fishing, playing hockey, photography, playing the oboe, go-karting, or traveling… do it! There is absolutely no better time than now to enjoy something you’ve always wanted to do. You might also make a new friend or two along the way!
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You’re killing two birds with one stone when you do this. First, it’ll definitely help take your mind off things. And secondly, it’ll make you more attractive to the opposite sex. Here are some tips to help you find some things you might enjoy doing… 1.)
Go on Craigslist and find some activity partners – This is a great way to meet new people and have fun while you’re doing it! Have you ever gone rockclimbing? No? Well there’s definitely somebody on Craigslist that’s looking for a rock-climbing partner.
2.)
Go on Facebook. Pay attention and you’ll find a ton of friends that are doing cool things. Join a local Facebook group and connect with people.
3.)
Look up clubs and classes online. Hit up your local university or college and you’ll find an abundance of clubs. You’ll definitely find something that interests you. I just joined a pottery class and it’s a great way to meet some awesome people (seriously!).
4.)
Contact some music teachers. Ever wanted to learn how to sing or play the guitar? You can find local music teachers quite easily online… and they’re cheap!
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Some guitar teachers charge about $15/lesson… and they’re well worth it. 5.) Volunteer at a local charity or event. Is there a cause that is near and dear to your heart? Helping out the homeless? Donating blood? Puppy rescue? Maybe even volunteering at a retirement home! Doing great deeds definitely will improve anyone’s mood, and not only that, you’ll be helping out some people while you’re at it!
(Volunteering is, in my opinion, the very best way to meet new people. After my first really big break up, I joined a local charity group and have been a member ever since! Personally, there’s nothing I find more satisfying than lending a helping hand to someone.)
Lean On Your Friends Your friends have likely all been through a bad breakup, and if they’re decent people, they’ll be willing to help you get through this tough time. That doesn’t mean you should sit around and whine to them about how much you miss your ex. Not even the best of friends can stand that kind of misery for very
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long. But you should call your friends and hang out with them as much as possible. This will help keep your mind off your ex girlfriend, especially during the No Contact period.
Start Exercising More Most people that engage in physical activity on a regular basis agree that exercise improves their mood. Talk to anyone that swims, jogs, or hikes on a regular basis and they’ll all say the same thing: “I love exercising, it makes me feel good about myself!” “Jogging makes me feel powerful and strong.” “Working out helps me relieve stress.” It’s very clear that exercising makes us feel better, but why? According to a 2009 issue of the “Journal of Neural Transmission,” there is direct link between exercise and that amount of dopamine and serotonin produced in the human brain.
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What are Dopamine and Serotonin? Dopamine and Serotonin are neurochemicals that are responsible for regulating your mood, sleep pattern, cognition, and behavior. A healthy presence of Dopamine and Serotonin in your brain will help you think more clearly and feel better. People that lack these chemicals in their brain often suffer from lack of motivation and depression. When we exercise, the amount of these vital chemicals increase and we feel better, so if you want to actually improve your own mood, don’t do drugs or alcohol… instead, exercise!
Focus More Energy On Your Work The worst thing you can do right now is being lazy and sleep all day. As much as you want to do this, it won’t help you improve your mood and it definitely won’t help you get your ex-girlfriend back. Is there a part of your career that you’re neglecting? Are you in school? Maybe you could concentrate on studying a little bit harder. Now is the perfect time to be spending a few extra hours at the office or at the library. You don’t want your breakup getting in the way of your work or school, as it will only add to your unhappiness.
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What If No Contact is Physically Impossible? This can sometimes happen if you two either work together or live together. Maybe you even have a child together. So how the heck do you handle that? This will probably be the most difficult situation for you since, I’m sorry to say, you’re
If your ex’s birthday (or another significant event, such as graduation) falls during the 30 day no contact period, send her a quick text message to show that you remembered the event, but don’t let her draw you into a conversation. Say something like:
going to have to be forced to hide your
“Happy Bday!! Thankfully, you’ll
emotions. The last thing you want to do is act
always be younger than me.
like a wuss. You don’t want to convey to her
Hope all is wel!”
that you’re insecure about the breakup. You
If she replies to this birthday text,
don’t want to be angry, jealous, and depressed
don’t respond.
because this will only lower your value in her
This only applies to truly important
eyes. Instead, make it seem like you’re
events in your ex’s life. If in doubt,
content, like you actually thought the breakup was a good idea.
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don’t send her any message at all, as that’s the safest option.
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Minimize contact with her at all costs. Don’t outright ignore her, or she’ll think that you’re being immature about the whole situation. But, at the same time, don’t go out of your way to talk to her. Let her do all the work, and give her space. Go out with friends a lot and don’t stay home too much. And whatever you do, don’t bring home another girl… this will only piss her off and she might even bring home another dude. This will turn into a vicious cycle and I can promise you it probably won’t end well. If this is your case, this is going to be a tough, uphill battle especially if you’re working together and she’s flirting with other guys. Don’t let it get to you. Just pretend you don’t even care and that you’re not even listening. You’re in your own world! One of the most important things to realize is that although it is painful to see your ex all the time, especially dating other people, you can actually turn this situation upside down and turn it into a good thing. The thing is, many people in your situation are dying to see their ex. Yet, you have a great excuse to actually see your ex on a regular basis – you can use this to your advantage.
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By showing your ex on a daily or weekly basis that you are happy without them and that you’re strong and emotionally stable, you’ll begin to turn the tides, and eventually, your ex will be more open to communicating with you.
Featured Customer Coaching Question Real Email Exchanges From Past Customers (Names Changed For Privacy)
“Help! I Still Live With My Ex…” Question Sent By: Todd R. “Hi Brad, My ex and I broke up in late September. She had been pulling away for months and we weren't having sex and she had gotten off birth control. I wish I would have done something earlier to try and spark things but I didn't. By the time we broke up she was pretty much indifferent to me, which is worse then being angry or upset. One big difference was that she really wants kids and I thought I didn't. I told her that if we were right for each other then I would have them with her but I was a little reluctant. We had been going out for a year and half and she moved in with me in June, a few months before we broke up. It wasn't exactly as intense as moving in together. Basically I live in a big house with 4 bedrooms and one of our other roommates was moving out, so because she lived in a crappy apartment we had her take his room. She is still living with me as we are on separate leases and we have a third roommate who is my friend from college. This has been
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difficult having to see her all the time and wonder if she is dating. For the most part I avoid her but we see each other around the house. Overall I have done pretty good not getting too emotional as I think of her all the time, but I have had one or two times where I asked to get back together. This totally stresses her out and she can't handle it. She has a little bit of anxiety and she has trouble with any sort of confrontation. As I said before she is pretty indifferent to me now and I want to somehow spark something and try and make something happen but I don't know how. Please Help! Thanks, -Todd R.”
“Relax And Adjust The Strategy…” Brad Browning’s Reply To Question From Todd R. “Hi Todd, It's always a difficult situation when you’re living with your ex. Yes, of course every program stresses no-contact because, after all, it is extremely important. But not as important as you sending her a message that you're indifferent, or that you’ve possibly moved on. There are advantages to living with your ex. Number one is you can show her that you're dating around! Yes, this is an extreme measure and sounds counter-intuitive, but you have to let her know that droves of women are trying to date you. Hot ones, too. I know this isn't what you WANT to do, but if you want to get her back, you've got to play dirty sometimes. So start dating around. Have fun, and bring some women home. Just have a good time around
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your roommates and her. Don't worry about her... and don't worry about offending her. You've probably been sending her so many body language signals that you still miss her... you can't do this. So you really need to step up and try and move on, work on yourself, and be a high-quality individual so that she WANTS to get back together with you. Even something as little as inviting friends over and having a really good time is a great option. Reel her into a social interaction if possible and just have fun. Try that for now, and see how she reacts. -Brad B.”
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Chapter 6
Start Dating Other Women ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 6: Start Dating Other Women While the stuff I said in the last chapter is really important, I have to let you know that this step is absolutely critical. This is one of my best techniques for “moving on” and has helped thousands of my students get their ex girlfriends back! I like to call this my Covert Jealousy technique. Going on dates will not only take your mind off your ex as much as possible, but it will also help you regain your confidence and alleviate your loneliness. While I understand that right now going on a date with a girl you don’t give a crap about probably isn’t something you really want to do right now, it’s important. Secondly, when your ex finds out you’re dating around, she will experience the ‘fear of loss’, and this will make her start questioning herself. She might even be thinking, If he can find another date so easily, maybe I’m easy to replace! Maybe
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I made a mistake…
How To Let Her Know You’re Dating Remember, women are attracted to men that can attract many women. So yes, that means that the more women chase you, the more your girlfriend will want you. So what if you can’t land any dates in the next few weeks? Fake it. If this offends you, then I’m sorry… but you purchased this guide wanting to get back with your ex and this is one of the best ways you can do it. If you have a real problem with this, then it’s still possible to get your ex back, but your chances of you getting her back into your arms will increase dramatically if you do this. (That is, if you do it properly!) Always keep trying to date other women, but in the meantime, make it appear as though you’re seeing other women. There are a few ways you can let your girlfriend know that you’re on a date with another girl without making it obvious that you’re
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trying to do so… one way is to use social networking websites. You can easily let her know that you’re out with another girl with a simple Facebook status… but… WARNING! Are you the type of person that is known for posting many statuses? If not, then she’ll definitely be suspicious that you’re lying and that you’re trying to make her jealous. Once your cover is blown, then that’s it… you’ll probably lose, so make your status update seem genuine. And the more mysterious and ambiguous you are about your alleged date, the better. Say something like… “Having a drink with Tiff at McLooden’s Pub! The live music here rocks.” Catch my drift? If she even gets the slightest whiff that you’re trying to make her jealous, she will lose a great deal of attraction for you, so tread carefully. Here’s another trick (now, again, if you don’t want to use some of these tactics, I’ll understand… But these really do work!): take things a step further by registering a fake Facebook account. Put up a picture of a really hot chick (make it believable, though) and privatize the account so nobody can view the full profile. I cannot stress how important making this profile private is – test it out first before you use it! (It
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would be the biggest sham of the century if your exgirlfriend clicks on the fake profile, only to find that it’s completely empty.)
If you’re struggling to think of ways to meet women and find a
After you’ve made this profile, start posting
date, it might be time to try online
on your own wall through this fake Facebook
dating. Remember that the point
account. Say some really subtle stuff like, “Hey!
of seeing other girls during the
Hurry up and upload the pics of that girl with the
first month or two after your
weird dress from the other night!!” and “Have you
breakup is to show your ex that
ordered your Snuggie yet? LOL” This can be very effective. But it’s important that you keep it very subtle. You really don’t want to say something like, “Oh my God… you are soooo good in bed and I had multiple orgasms last night!” That kind of thing won’t fool anybody. Alternatively, if you have any other girlfriends that are willing to play the part of your “new
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you’re not desperate or hopeless… you want her to think that you’re thriving in life since the breakup, and other women are chasing after you. So stop being so darn picky when it comes to your
dates… create a profile at an online dating site, like eHarmony or Match.com, and start messaging some ladies! Sooner than later, you’ll land a date.
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girlfriend,” that would be even better… again, just be cautious not to appear overly obvious or fake.
Hang Out With Mutual Friends Do you and your ex girlfriend share some mutual friends or acquaintances? Start hanging out with them and casually mention that you are seeing other girls. If a mutual friend asks what you’re doing or what you’ve been up to, tell them about a chick you’re hanging out with. (For this to be truly effective, make sure it’s a friend that your ex talks to on a regular basis.) Again, you don’t want to make it even seem obvious to them. Just talk about it in passing as if it’s not even a big deal. If they ask you about it, don’t give too much detail… just say it was a girl that you just met and that you two are going out for coffee or something. However, if they don’t ask about it, then don’t bring it up at all!
Take A Lot Of Pictures – And Post Them! If you are landing a lot of dates, then there’s nothing better than photographic evidence. Hang out with a bunch of friends with her and take a ton of pictures of you and your new lady friend!
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And you don’t even have to necessarily take pictures of you and her… but take pictures of you and your friends having fun! Post them on Facebook or other social networks where your ex might see them. Make sure you’re letting the world know that nothing is getting you down right now and that you aren’t pining over the loss of your girlfriend. Instead, you’re living life to the fullest and that you’re surrounding yourself with great people.
What If She’s Dating Other Men Already? There’s a chance that you’ll find out she’s dating another guy. It’s a pretty sinking feeling, I know… but here’s the thing: I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Why? Because the guy she’s dating right now is a rebound. And rebounds rarely ever work out. Chances are, your ex is just using this guy as a temporary emotional dumping ground. Whatever happens between them, you need make sure it’s known that you’re completely okay with them being together. That means, you should never mention it to anyone. And definitely do not show jealousy. Don’t be bitter about it, either.
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And now for my Reverse Rebound technique! If you do see your ex out with another guy, it’s important that you stay cool and look happy. Don’t ignore them, but do not go out of your way talk your face off either! When you see them together, walk up to them and be cheerful. Say hello. Shake the guy’s hand, smile, and say… “Careful with this one, she’s a handful!” By doing this, you’re conveying that you’re 100% cool with them being together (even though this isn’t true).
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Chapter 7
What If She Contacts You? ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 7: What If She Contacts You? So you’re living life to the fullest… you’re exercising, you’re eating well, and you’re getting out of your comfort zone. You’re hanging out with friends and family and maybe reconnecting with old contacts. You’re picking up old hobbies and maybe starting a bunch of new ones. You’re working hard at work or school. You’re dating other women… and hot ones, too. Then all of a sudden… BOOMSHAKALAKA! You get a message… and it’s from her. You get a surge of adrenaline and you just want to run to the top of a mountain and scream your guts out. If this is how you feel, then totally go for it (just don’t let anybody know you’re doing it… it may look a bit strange). Over the next 31 days, it will be extremely likely that your ex-girlfriend will try and attempt to establish contact with you if you’ve done everything properly up to this
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point. As I said in the last chapter, if she’s the needy type, she will most definitely try and establish contact with you. This is a very good thing, but you don’t want to just be her emotional tampon. Yes, the dreaded ‘emotional tampon’. She’ll get you thinking you guys will get back together, but in all honesty, she’s just using you to help her get over you. Don’t fall into this hole! At the same time, you don’t want to “punish”… so don’t act angry, jealous, rude, or depressed. Ultimately, you want to convey everything in Chapter 3: Attractive Characteristics. Now, I know I said that you shouldn’t contact your girlfriend within the 31 day limit, but the game totally changes if she contacts you first. If she messages you via text or e-mail, don’t reply right away. If she texts you, wait 3 hours before replying. If she e-mails you, wait for 24 hours. You do not want to give her the impression that you are waiting for her call. You want to convey that you’re “busy doing other things” even though this may or may not be the case. When it does come around to messaging her back, you must keep in mind these three things:
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1.)
Your reply must be short. If you write something extremely long back, she’ll think that you miss her. Right now, we don’t want her thinking that you miss her at all.
2.)
You must give off the impression that you’re happy. Don’t come across as desperate and don’t tell her how depressed you’ve been. Use exclamation marks and tell her why you’ve been busy! Let her know that you’ve been hanging out with friends or busy working like nuts. Let her know that your life is still normal and that you’ve virtually moved on.
3.) Finally, make sure that you cut the message short because you “have to go!” Let her know that you’ve got other things you have to worry about. End the message abruptly, but don’t be rude… just end it with, “Well, I’ve got dinner out with a friend tonight. Maybe we’ll talk later.” And it’s crucial that you leave it up to her to call you or contact you again. You just don’t want to appear needy. Here’s an example of a good message conversation you can have with your ex if she contacts you first. HER: Hey. How’s it going?
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YOU: Hey. It’s going really well. Just finished going bowling with some friends. Hope things are going well for you. HER: That’s good to hear… did you win? YOU: It’s good to hear from you but I can’t talk right now. Super busy. Let’s catch up soon. Simple, right? The reason this works is because people want what they can’t get. By showing her that you’re basically unavailable to her, you stimulate her attraction mechanism and this, in turn, makes her want you. Hell, if all you said was, “I can’t talk right now,” she would probably go insane! Think of this way... What’s more desirable: gold, or grass? I’m not psychic, but I’m going to take an educated guess and think that you said gold. Sure, you could say, “Well it’s obviously gold because it’s worth more money!” But have ever thought about why it’s
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worth more money? Because it’s rare! Any idiot can walk up to a patch of grass and rip out a handful. But how about gold? Gold is rare and can be difficult to get in large quantities (unless your dad is the Sultan of Brunei, or you’re somehow the descendant of Liberace). By sending her the message that you’re unavailable, you’re shifting the power from her to you. Now she is the one pursuing you!
What If She Calls? If your girlfriend calls you, then you still have to use the same principles here. Let her lead the conversation. Don’t sound depressed, angry, or annoyed. Be nice and be cheerful. Make small talk with her. Tell her, briefly, about all the fun things you’ve been doing with all your friends lately. And yes, most importantly, be the one to end the conversation first. Tell her you need to go and that she should call you tomorrow after a certain time. Remember… be cheerful! What a lot of guys do (and this is a huge mistake) is try to make their ex jealous. You don’t want to brag about all the girls that you’ve been sleeping with or say that you’ve been chatting up an old friend of hers. You also don’t want to bring up your relationship problems at all… leave them alone (for now).
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Don’t ask her any questions about her new love life. Don’t ask her if she’s been sleeping with another guy. Hell, don’t even ask her any personal questions really. Leave that up to her to ask you these questions, since she’s the one trying to contact you. And, obviously, don’t ask her for another shot at the relationship. Right now, you want to keep everything very light and sweet! However, chances are if you’re ex is trying to contact you, she clearly wants to talk about the relationship. Don’t worry. This is a good thing. It means that she wants to try and fix things. As long as you aren’t the one bringing up the relationship topic, you’re fine. Let her lead the conversation and continue to act indifferent (but again, cheerful). Remember the goal here… you want to act like you’re unavailable so you shift the power from her to YOU! If you’ve gotten this far, then congratulations… your ex obviously still cares about you. That means that she most definitely hasn’t lost any attraction for you and it’s a matter of meeting up and ironing out the problems you may have had in the relationship. I’ll cover this later.
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Featured Customer Coaching Question Real Email Exchanges From Past Customers (Names Changed For Privacy)
“My Ex Calls Just To Argue…” Question Sent By: Maninder “Hey whats up brad? Love your book, already read it twice. :) Just wondering if you can tell me how come my ex keeps calling me and then starts to argue and bitch at me?? We broke up like 2 months ago, I am just about through the no contact phase, going OK although I kinda screwed up at first. Anyway she called me twice last week… first time she accused me of trying to make her jealous cause I posted pics of me with a girl on Instagram. And then a few days later she called to basically yell at me for talking to one of her friends (I ran into her at the gym and we talked for like 2 mins). What the hell?! Why is she doing this?? Plz help!!”
“Addicted To Drama…” Brad Browning’s Reply To Question From Maninder “Hey Maninder, First thing you should keep in mind is that your ex may be looking for reasons to reach out to you, even if they’re negative reasons. As weird as it sounds, for some people, arguing and bickering with an ex can cure their longing for a conversation with their ex.
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Secondly, she’s also going through a tough time after your breakup, so the emotions may be leading to irrational behavior and overly-emotional reactions to small issues. And finally, a piece of advice: do not get dragged into bickering and drama that your ex tries to start. You need to rebuild attraction and that spark of passion, and arguing / drama / bickering is totally counter-productive in that regard. It will just reinforce her belief that the breakup was necessary. So, make sure you nip any arguments in the bud, and stick to positive and fun topics. Good luck! -Brad B.”
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Chapter 8
What If She Doesn’t Contact You? ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 8: What If She Doesn’t Contact You? There’s always a chance that your girlfriend, for whatever reason, won’t contact you. She might be still angry with you. Maybe her friends are telling her to move on without you. In most cases, the latter is usually the case. You see, women aren’t like men when it comes to dealing with issues such as breakups. Women will constantly seek advice from their female peers and, more likely than not, listen to them. Men, on the other hand, are independent creatures. We are autonomous and self-reliant. When somebody tells us to do something, we’re more likely to act rebellious and “march to the beat of our own drum” than women are. Therefore, men don’t really listen to their friends the same way women do. So what I’m trying to say is don’t worry. If your ex doesn’t contact you in 31 days, all is not lost. Your relationship can still be salvaged, although it will take more effort on your part to accomplish this. So let’s pretend 31 days have passed, and your ex hasn’t contacted you. It’s now officially okay to contact her. You’ve shown her that you aren’t all that needy, you’ve given her space, and you’ve allowed all those negative emotions to subside.
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But what do you say? There’s no way of knowing her state of mind right now because you have no idea what kind of stuff her friends have been force-feeding her, but I can almost guarantee you it will include something along the lines of… He’s an asshole! He treated you poorly. Girl, you’re better than that… it’s time to move on and find another guy who will treat you like a princess. I never liked him anyways! That definitely sounds bad, but it’s best if we assume the worst in this situation. So when you do contact her, remember everything I told you about how you should be interacting with your ex. You need to act as if you’ve moved on and you’re happy. When you do contact her, act as if you just want to be friends. Shocking, right? You’re probably thinking, Brad, you don’t make any sense at all! You’re an idiot! I don’t want to be friends with her; I want her back in my arms!
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I know, I know… but hear me out. If her friends are telling her not to get back together with you, do you think approaching this any other way would help? If you give her even the slightest inkling that you want to get back together with her or at least talk about your relationship, the little red light will start blinking in her head and she’ll be thinking, NO WAY! I shouldn’t even be talking with him. Right now, we’ve got to play it safe and appear non-threatening.
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You Have Two Options… Before I tell you how to go about in contacting your ex, I first need to know what type of communicators you were. A lot of breakup guides will say, “Call her up!” and some of them will say, “Only text!” Well, they’re both wrong. Thank goodness you chose my program over theirs. The fact is some girls prefer to be texted and some prefer a phone call. How did you two communicate when you were together? Did you usually text each other? If so, it would be really, really awkward and weird if you just called her out of the blue. Usually, if a girl prefers texting, it’s because she’s very uncomfortable with speaking on the phone. You don’t want to make her feel any less comfortable than she actually will be. Some girls prefer to be called, and these girls sometimes get offended if you text or e-mail instead. Does this sound like your girl? If so, then you’re probably best off calling her.
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What Should You Text Her? If your girl is a texter, then great! It’s a lot easier for you to send her a premeditated text than to wing it and try to talk to her in real-time. However, it’s not without its downfalls. When you text somebody, you give them time to think about a reply. This is generally a good thing, but sometimes she will get her friends involved and ask them for advice… again. So via text, you need to really make it clear that you’re only looking for a platonic relationship for now. Say something like this: “Hey! Hope things are well. I just wanted to let you know that you were right. The breakup was definitely for the best! I’m really relieved, but it would suck if we lost our friendship. I’d love to get coffee this week!” When she sees this, she’ll most likely be a little taken aback that you just want to be friends. I guarantee you she’ll be more than willing to agree with this since women love having friends. Women don’t like losing friendships (unless they were fully destructive relationships). They cherish their relationships with people in a much more sentimental way than men do. So if you’re offering just a straight up platonic coffee meeting, she’ll be eager to see you.
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After you meet up with her, you’ll have to re-initiate attraction again. More on this later. NOTE: If you and your ex were extremely avid ‘texters’, then I encourage you to take a look at some additional materials that concentrate on how to text your ex back. Check out this video by Michael Fiore (who is a close friend of mine). In this video, he’ll tell you how you can use little-known text messages that you can send from your phone that will help you convince your ex girlfriend to go out on a date with you and take you back.
The Pointless Text This is something that you must absolutely avoid doing if you want your girlfriend to text you ever again. It’s what I like to call the “Pointless Text.” You know exactly what I’m talking about when I say this, and yes, you probably hate it as much as I do. Do you ever get text messages from your friends and family just saying one word? Like “hi” or “’sup”? It absolutely aggravates me. But even something as simple as “Hey, how are you doing?” or “Hey, what’s up?” can be just as bad.
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Why are these so bad? Well, first of all, they’re pointless because they don’t rile up emotions at all. In fact, they almost will give your girlfriend a negative image of you. You sound bored, uninterested, and frankly, not like a happy person at all. By sending a text like this, you are sub communicating to your ex girlfriend that you are just unhappy with life and that you need his interaction at that very moment to be happy. So don’t do this.
The Good Reminder Text This is one of the first texts you should be sending your ex girlfriend. I call it the Good Reminder text. Essentially, what you want to convey to your ex right now is that you are totally over her, but you are still thinking about her from time to time. It is designed to make you look thoughtful, happy, and it makes it looks like as though your text message has a point to it. Here are a couple examples of the “Good Reminder Text”: “Hey. Just was watching the Dallas Stars play the Vancouver Canucks tonight and your favourite player scored a goal! Made me think about how fun watching those games were!”
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“Hey, Matthew Good Band is playing at the McPherson Playhouse next month! Thought you’d like to know because I remember how much you loved them! =D” Get it? They’re pretty innocent, right? Also notice a few things about this text. I use a few exclamation marks here and there. This is really important. Exclamation marks convey happiness. In a recent survey done by avid text messagers, researchers found that the use of exclamation marks increased the likelihood of receiving text messages back by 20%. That is a lot. So use exclamation marks if you want your ex to text you back! Second, check out my emoticon at the end of the second text message. Think it doesn’t make a difference? Well, think again. Let’s say you ask your friend through text what they’re doing tonight. Here are two possible responses your friend could come up with... “Nothing” Or... “Nothing! :-)”
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See how big the difference can be? If you received the first text message, chances are you’ll probably think your friend is just really bored and depressed. Either that, or he or she is just too lazy to text anything more significant. But how does the second text message make you feel? Probably completely different, right? The second text conveys that your friend is doing nothing, but as a result, probably wants to hang out with you tonight. Another great thing about this Good Reminder text is that it doesn’t force your ex girlfriend to do anything about this text. This is a good thing right now. You essentially want to let your ex girlfriend know that you’re thinking about her, but you don’t want to convey neediness. You don’t even ask a simple question in the text message.
How You Should Call Her You’ll need to call her when you know she’s actually not going to pick up. It will be much easier to convey that you’ve moved on through a simple voicemail. You’ll want to say something really light-hearted and thoughtful, something to the effect of… “Hey. Thought I’d give you a quick call to let you know that the season premiere of Mad Men is starting on Sunday. Thought you should you know since the last episode we watched was so good. Anyways, hope all is well.”
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This message is brilliant for a number of reasons. First, it’s actually a really thoughtful message. You’re telling her that you’ve been thinking about her, but only fleetingly… and that you remembered that she liked something and you remembered it. Here’s another example of something you could say: “Hey. Just letting you know that The Strokes are playing at the Commodore Ballroom in two weeks. I remember how much you like them. Hope all is well!” This example uses much of the same psychological tools as the first one; it’s thoughtful, concise, and doesn’t convey neediness. Remember that the tone of your voice is just as important as what you say. A famous relationship expert once said that 93% of communication is non-verbal. So how you say something is sometimes much more important than what you say. When you leave this message, you want to make it seem like what you’re saying isn’t really a big deal. Don’t speak too quickly otherwise you’ll sound like you’ve premeditated the whole thing. You just want to make it seem like you just heard the news (ie. In the second example, act like you just learned that The Strokes were playing at the venue). You want to sound calm and relaxed, but cheerful at the same time.
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If done properly, she’ll begin to think about you and wonder about you. She’ll enjoy the fact that you were being thoughtful and this can only have a positive effect. You’re also conveying that you’re not needy by saying, “Anyways, hope all is well.” You’re not telling her to call you back or contact you in any way – in fact, you’re not even asking for a reply! This will make you much more desirable. I know this may seem a little sneaky. Instead of outright engaging her conscious mind, you’re taking a backdoor route and engaging her subconscious mind. I can tell you that talking to her subconscious mind is 100% more effective than being blunt. You know how sometimes being blunt can just have the opposite effect? Remember when mom always used to repeatedly say, “Clean your room!” You probably didn’t want to do it, did you? But when she said, “Isn’t your girlfriend coming over soon?” you probably thought, I better clean my room! I know this feels like a bit of a cat and mouse game at times. Some relationship experts call this the “Push/Pull” element of attraction, but it’s really nothing fancy at all. You’re just using basic human psychology.
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When She Calls Or Writes You Back… I know at this point, we’re getting pretty far. In fact, you’re probably still on either day 1 or 2 of the no-contact phase, but it’s always good to be prepared! It’s kind of like thinking about the Ferrari that you’re going to own next week… at least it’s motivating! So here’s the deal. She’s either going to call back or write you back, depending on what she feels most comfortable doing. If she calls back, no matter what, you’re going to let it go to your voice messaging system. Why? The worst thing that could happen is that she doesn’t leave a message, but that’s okay – I’ll let you know what to do when this happens. But again, by not answering the phone, you’re letting her know that you’re unavailable. And because you haven’t shown any neediness in the past 4 weeks or so, she’ll think you’ve developed this aura of confidence to the point that you’re giving off the impression that she isn’t needed in your world. So after you let it go to voicemail, you’re actually going to wait another 24 hours. Yes, I know there’s a lot of time that passes when trying to get your ex-back, but you’ve already waited 31 days. Another day isn’t going to kill you (but it’s going to kill her inside!).
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The next day, call her back. Again, be light, upbeat, and confident. And again, do not bring up problems from your relationship or anything
Don’t let your ex drag you into
negative. Instead, engage in small talk. Tell her
any sort of conflict, bickering, or
some things you’ve been up to and let her know
drama when you talk with her.
that your reality is completely different than when she left it 31 days ago. She’ll find you
Some women tend to become resentful or upset during the “no contact” period, and may attempt
incredibly attractive after you’ve told her about
to bring up old arguments or
the cool adventures you’ve been having with your
accuse you of something. You
friends (make sure you don’t make it obvious that
need to avoid this kind of conflict
you’re showing off… just incorporate tidbits of
with your ex at all costs. If you’re
information throughout your conversation.) Whatever you talk about, remember that how you end this conversation is one of the most important things here. You’ll want to have a call to action. But disguise it in such a way that you
going to win her back, it’s by rebuilding her attraction for you… and guess what? Arguments and
bickering won’t make your ex more attracted to you. In fact, it usually does the opposite. Stick to fun, entertaining topics and avoid drama like the plague.
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don’t really need her, but her presence would be nice. Say something like: “Hey, it’s my niece’s birthday and I need to pick out a stuffed toy… you were always good with that stuff. Think you could help me out?” If you are text messaging instead of calling, then just text her the same message. Now, whatever your call to action is, you should be getting a positive response. When they accept, you should be well on your way to meeting up with her and creating sexual tension. Remember, the whole point is to meet up with her under any means necessary (…except kidnap), and posing as a friend is the easiest way to do so. Just know that there isn’t any other way you can create attraction and make her fall in love with you again through just text messaging or calling. All of this will have to take place when you two inevitably meet up again. Only then and there will you be able to safely and effectively make her want you again.
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Featured Customer Coaching Question Real Email Exchanges From Past Customers (Names Changed For Privacy)
“Blocked On Social Media…” Question Sent By: Jakob S. “Brad… quick question for you! So I broke up with my ex 22 days ago now, and we have had no contact for about 2 weeks now. She had not messaged me at all. Im really worried though because she has unfriended me on Facebook and unfollowed me on Twitter and Instagram too… what does this mean?? Is she totally done with me?? Hope to hear from u soon! -Jakob in Israel”
“Don’t Sweat The Social Media Stuff…” Brad Browning’s Reply To Question From Jakob S. “Hey Jakob, thanks for the message… First of all, you can relax and stop worrying about her unfriending you on social media… the main reason this happens (and it’s very common after a breakup) is because your ex does not want to be continually reminded of you every time she logs on to Facebook or Twitter. Just because she was the one to break up with you doesn’t mean that she isn’t feeling the same heartache and loneliness that you are in the wake of your breakup. So, it’s extremely likely that she simply ‘unfriended’ you in order to avoid seeing those regular reminders (and thus bringing
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back the painful emotions again) every time she logs into her Facebook or Twitter account. Don’t sweat it, man. It’s inconvenient, but it’s not a big deal and it certainly doesn’t mean she hates you or all hope it lost. Keep your head up, you’re closing in on the end of the no contact phase! Best regards, -Brad B.”
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“What If This Doesn’t Work?” As with anything else, there’s always a chance that she may not call you back. This is somewhat of a turning point. Though all is not lost yet, you’re definitely going to want to reconsider if moving forward is to the best of your interest. If she doesn’t contact you, then chances are you probably weren’t right to begin with. So what’s better? Being with this girl for a little bit longer or knowing that sometimes, two people just aren’t meant to be? I’ll leave it up to you to decide this, but keep it in the back of your mind. If you do decide that you want to keep pursuing, you most definitely are still capable of getting her back if you continue under my guidance, but I’m simply pointing out that the possibility is present that you may be better off dating other women.
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Chapter 9
The “Date” ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 9: The “Date” I am using the word date in quotes here because it isn’t really a date. If you’ve played it properly up until this point, all she thinks is that you two are just going out as friends. In fact, don’t call it a date at any point or she’ll probably freak at you. Whatever you two decide to do, you need to make sure that you have a solid plan in place before you actually meet up. You don’t want to get this far only for you to fail… that would be a total shame, so think about it before it happens! Think about a really fun light story to start off with and just keep rolling on from there. The whole goal here now is what I like to call re-attraction. You’re going to have to re-seduce her and ultimately, sleep with her as soon as you can. Sex is the ultimate goal right now, but you have to arrive at that point properly.
Body Language & Tone of Voice I know – the moment where you finally see your ex again can be nerve-wracking to say the least… but you can’t let it get to you!
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You want to appear super relaxed and comfortable. This date totally isn’t going to go well if you’re just sitting down biting your nails the whole time and talking super fast. So make sure that when you’re sitting down, you’re sitting down with your back flat against the seat. Just keep your distance from her a little bit and maybe put one foot up on the seat. Just look chill and take a few deep breaths. Don’t just constantly stare at her… remember, you two are just friends right now! So look around… make fun of people, make a joke, and just generally be funny and light-hearted. You don’t want to make it seem like you’re putting her up on a pedestal and idolizing her presence. Remember how I said 93% of communication is non-verbal? That means how you speak is important in conveying the type of mood you’re in. Talk slowly! There’s no need to be a speed demon here. People who talk fast just look like they have something
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to prove… and they seem high-strung and awkward, don’t they? So slow it down! Talk a little quieter, but don’t forget to smile.
Conversation Topics For The “Date” You’re probably getting the sense here that you shouldn’t be talking about the negative stuff that happened in the past. Concentrate on just selling yourself as a completely healed and happy individual. There is a chance that she might bring up some negative topics from the past. Don’t panic – this is a good thing. If she’s bringing up problems from your relationship, just respectfully decline to talk about it for now. Say something like, “I know you’re probably still rattled, but to be honest… I’m enjoying just hanging out with you right now. Let’s just enjoy this first,” and then continue talking about whatever you were talking about.
How To Tell A Good Story Yes, this book has all sorts of good information… this is information that won’t just help you get back with your ex-girlfriend, but help you with any woman.
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Story-telling is often the focal point of a conversation. In order for you to reattract your ex, a good story must be told. So how do you become a good storyteller? Some people are definitely blessed with natural charm. Though, if you’re the type of guy that doesn’t know how to rile up a crowd, then don’t worry. You can actually learn to be more charming and be a better conversationalist, but it does it a lot of practice. When you do tell your story, make sure you give your listener 100% of the attention. You want to engage your whole body when telling a story, not just your voice! Observe some of the best speeches and comedians on YouTube and you’ll find that they use hand gestures and different facial expressions quite often. You want to make sure that when you’re telling a story, you’re keeping these three things in mind: your confidence level, conviction level and energy level. When I say “have confidence when telling a story,” I mean you’re not afraid to say what you’re going to say. You’re not looking down to the ground or at the coffee stains on your shirt - you’re looking into her eyes when you’re speaking.
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Secondly, nobody wants to hear a lame story that just isn’t believable. You need to have conviction. Don’t say phrases like “I think he…” or “Ummm…” or “Maybe, I’m not sure…” If you say this kind of crap too often, you’ll just end up looking like a dumbass. Finally, you need to tell your story with the proper amount of energy. The energy of the storyteller not only manifests verbally but physically as well. Your whole body has to tell the story. Your eyes need to light up when you’re about to tell the good parts of the story. You need to slow and pause right before climaxes. If something funny happens in your story, you’re smiling and maybe throwing in the occasional laugh to indicate, “it’s okay to laugh if you want to!” When you combine these three elements – confidence, conviction, and energy – I promise that you will become ten times the storyteller and you’ll be able to capture the heart of your ex girlfriend much more easily.
Focus On… …having a good time. And that’s it. Your goal right now is to make it so that when you end your ‘chill hangout’, she feels good about it so that she’ll want to hang
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out with you again. Once you get to this stage, you’re well on your way to getting her back into your arms. If the opportunity presents itself, you’ll need to start attempting to seduce her… but only when the time is right. You need to start gauging her reactions to you when you begin to “subconsciously” and unintentionally flirt with her. So how will you know if you should flirt and escalate sexually or not? I’ll cover this in the next chapter.
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Chapter 10
Seduce Her All Over Again ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 10: Seduce Her All Over Again Once you have sex with your ex, you’ve won. Yes, women are extremely different than in the sense that sex is much more of a bonding event for them. For a guy, it’s really easy to have sex with another woman and forget about her the very next day. That type of thing is just hard-wired in our biology. Women, on the other hand, are hard-wired to try and find long-term mates. Think about it from biological standpoint. When a man has sex with a woman, what kind of risk is the man exposed to? Not much, unless he chooses to bang the wife of a King or something… but in terms of pure biology, he pretty much just loses 15 minutes of his life and that’s it. However, for a woman, there is much risk involved. When a woman has sex with a man, there is risk that she might get pregnant… and being pregnant means 9 months of being in a very vulnerable state. Therefore she needs to make sure the man that she’s sleeping with is going to benefit her in the long run – she needs to make sure that he provides an adequate amount of protection for her and her children. When a woman chooses to have sex with you, she’s subconsciously saying, I want this man to bear my children!
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Scary, huh? But it’s 100% true. So when your ex chooses to have sex with you, inside her mind she is thinking, I want to get back together with this guy. I am going to help you make this decision for her, so I am going to give you a crash course on how to create a ridiculous amount of attraction with your ex. If you execute what I’m about to tell you properly, her panties will drop faster than you can say, “I love you, Brad Browning.”
Seduction In A Nutshell Since you’ve already built rapport with your gal, and since you two already have a history, I’m going to skip the parts on how to pick up a girl “from scratch.” If you want more information on that, check out the other bonus items included in this program. For all intents and purposes, I’m only going to concentrate on two stages: Attraction, and Sex.
Attraction Attraction is probably the most complex stage of seduction. Once you fully understand how attraction works, however, it will become easier and easier. Since this will be a crash course on how to get laid, I’ll get right into it.
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When you are attracted to a female, do you ever wonder to yourself why you’re attracted to her? Often times, when you flip through a celebrity magazine, your hormones will go absolutely nuts by all the hot celebrity bodies that you see (I mean…female celebrity bodies…). Men are particularly attracted to physical appearance. It’s sad but true (especially sad if you’re a particularly unattractive female).
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But how about from a woman’s perspective? I’m not going to lie. Looks play a huge role when it comes to seducing women. If you’re naturally blessed with great looks, you’ll probably have a much easier time getting what you want from a girl. But looks only play about 30% of the battle here. Women heavily weight personality and other intangibles not related to physical appearance, so if you don’t look like Ryan Reynolds, have no fear… you will still be able to seduce beautiful women, but your “game” will have to more finely tuned.
Your Physical Appearance This doesn’t mean that you can completely let your hygiene go. How do you think your ex will react if you walk into your first date back looking like a drunken hobo? Included in your Ex Factor Guide is an e-book by world-renowned male grooming and styling expert Mark Belmont. It’s included in this package. Go read it right now and make sure you’re following his advice.
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Looking good and improving your wardrobe is part of creating this “new you”. You want to erase whatever negative image your ex had in mind when she last saw you, so dress nicely.
Tease Her! If you’ve been a big reader in the attraction world, you may have heard of the term called “negging.” Negging is essentially synonymous with teasing, but it’s done in a particular way. You see, attractive women are constantly used to guys hitting on them all the time. In fact, on average, an attractive girl can get hit on up to 10 times a day. Yeah, that’s a lot… and these guys all use the same useless approach too… they compliment the crap out of the girl! You can probably see how this can get boring and tiring very quickly for attractive girls. But what happen when a guy starts playfully teasing a girl? The girl gets interested. And thus, the girl will be more attracted to the man that teases vs. the man
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that does the same thing as every other guy in the world. Not only this, but teasing a girl takes a huge amount of confidence to perform! Here is a list of some popular “negs”: “Nice watch… did you get that at Wal-Mart?” “Your hair looks nice… is it fake? Are you wearing a wig or something?” “Awww, that’s cute. Your nose wiggles when you talk.” “I like your skirt… those are really popular nowadays.” “I’m not sure about you… you look like you’re trouble.” “How short are you?” “Nice glasses, dork.” “Who’s your last boyfriend? Clearly the guy didn’t spank you enough.” “It’s nice to see a girl that OCCASIONALLY works out.” You probably get the picture here. The list of negs can be endless! If you notice, these negs are playful… they’re meant to be fun and light-hearted, so obviously race/religion/politics is completely out of the question. And just like telling a funny joke, delivery is everything. Say these with a straight face. As soon as she reacts, just smile.
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Inject a few negs into your story-telling and I guarantee you that she’ll be much more attracted to you!
Kinesthetic Attraction Every attraction model in the world has some form of “kino” attraction method. What is “kino” you might ask? It’s a term that pickup artists use to describe touching. If a man wants to successfully attract and seduce a woman, he absolutely must touch her. It is an incredibly powerful tool that conveys intimacy and deepens social connection. Remember how I said men were mostly turned on by physical appearance? As a man, what do you find most erotic and attractive about a female? Most of you guys will probably say, “her ass” or “her tits.” But for women? The biggest turn-on for most women is how you touch her. I don’t mean just sexual touching, but any sort of physical touching is important. Ever notice that men prefer having sex with the lights on and women enjoy sex with the lights off? It’s because women can get sufficiently aroused just by touching and feeling.
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Women have several erogenous zones that, when touched at the right time, turn on the female sex drive. But clearly you can’t just walk
Flirting and building sexual
up to any chick and start groping her breasts…
tension are important to this first
that definitely won’t fly. But you need to
‘date’, but don’t make your
graduate up to it… slowly!
intentions obvious. Your ex knows you well, so if you lay the
There are three levels of kino escalation. The first level is completely non-sexual. This is the type of touching that normal friends would use on a daily basis, but here’s the trick… you have to touch her at the right moment. Have you ever heard of “Pavlov’s Dog”? Pavlov was a Russian physiologist who discovered the nature of classical conditioning. In his
kino and flirting on too thick, she may see through your attempts at
building attraction. Worse yet, she may recognize your true intentions (getting back together), which will make it difficult for you to get past her ‘defenses’. So, while you do need to flirt and touch, you also
need to make sure your advances are subtle and natural. Keep calm,
experiment, Pavlov would feed his dog, but as he
start slow, and increase your
fed his dog, he would ring a bell at the same time.
flirting and touching as she
He would do this several times, ringing the bell
becomes more comfortable.
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each time as the dog ate the food. One day, he decided he wouldn’t serve the dog any food but instead, he just rung the bell. What happened? Pavlov observed that the dog began to drool even though there was no food present. He conditioned the dog to think about food every time he rung the bell! Pretty neat, huh? Humans are subjected to classical conditioning all day long. You’re even classically conditioned to do a million things a day, but you just don’t notice it. So how can we use this to our advantage when it comes to re-attracting ex-girlfriends? Easy. As you’re talking to your ex (or any girl for that matter), touch her every time you sense that she’s having a good time. For example, say you tell a joke and she begins to laugh… quickly touch and hold her elbow as soon as she starts laughing then let go as the laughing wears off. See where I’m going with this? You are essentially using Pavlov’s law
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make her feel good about your touch. If you do this enough times, after a while, she will automatically get a sense of happiness if you just simply touch her elbow. The famous hypnotist Derren Brown uses this method all the time – and he does it right under peoples’ noses without them even noticing.
Taking Kino A Step Further So how will you know she’s ready for level 2 of kino-escalation? Once you apply my Pavlov kino routine on a woman, you will begin to see what are known as indicators of interest or “IOI’s” as they’re known in the seduction world. Indicators of Interest are body and voice signals that indicate a female is interested in you. Here’s a list of known “IOI’s”: When a girl touches her hair after looking at you. When a girl touches you. When a girl’s knees (while sitting) is pointing towards you. When she giggles. When she constantly makes eye contact with you.
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This list is certainly not exhaustive, as I can guarantee you if apply level 1 kino properly, you will be getting these reactions from your ex. If you aren’t, sit back and relax, but continue the cycle. Once you begin getting IOI’s on a regular basis, you need to step up your game a bit and begin level 2 kino. Start holding your touch for a little bit longer. Look into her eyes as you touch her. Find an excuse to sit a little bit closer to her and brush her shoulder with your shoulder. Pretend like there’s something on her face then brush it off. Begin to touch more “sexual” parts of her… like her knees, her shoulders, and the small of her back. There are two things that will happen here: one, she’ll be receptive and continue sending you IOI’s your way. If this is the case, then you’re good to go! However, there’s a chance that she’ll be slightly turned off by this… but don’t panic. Remember, you guys are just hanging out right now and your forwardness might frighten her. This is okay! If you sense that she’s backing away from your physical contact, then don’t do anything about it. Just relax and pretend it never happened, then go back to level 1 kino. It’s a very simple cycle. Once you master this, you’ll be gold!
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Find An Excuse To Move Locations You need to be in an environment when sex is possible. That means you’re either going back to her place or your place (her place is preferable since she’s most comfortable there), If you’re applying level 2 kino and you’re getting IOI’s back, it’s time to isolate her! You need to give her an excuse to move locations. This is easy, you can say something like… “Hey! Roger (your dog) misses you… he would love to see you.” “I just got the new Death Cab for Cutie album on my laptop at home… let’s go listen to it!” “I just downloaded the full season of Grey’s Anatomy on my laptop… let’s go watch that.” “Okay, I know this is kind of weird, but I’ve always known that your eye for design was way better than mine. I just got a new coffee table but I want your opinion of it.”
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“I’m thinking about painting my room a different colour and I’ve got a colour palette at home… I know you’re way better with this stuff than I am. Totally would love your help.” If she’s a nerd, you can say, “I just got the brand new Sky Rim game for Xbox! Let’s go back to my place and play it.” The possibilities are limitless here. Now, since you two just broke up, there is a chance that she’ll want to “take things slow” and might be hesitant to go back to your place on such short notice, but again, you want to give off a platonic vibe. Again, tell her that you only want to be friends!
How To Kiss Her So things are going well and the attraction is increasing… but when do you know she’s ready to be kissed? Here are a few tests that you can
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run with your ex to know if she’s ready to be smooched. If your girlfriend looks at you with ‘the gaze’ then she’s ready to be kissed. What is ‘the gaze’ you might ask? It’s when she’s looking at you with glazed eyes and is either licking or pouting her lips. If you see this, go in for the kill. Another thing you can do is just gradually increase your kino… then start playfully pinching or hitting her. If she laughs and does it back to you… you’re in! Go in for the kill. If you’re on the couch, just start tickling her or massaging her… if she’s letting you do either of these things and looks like she’s having a great time, then you can kiss her. Don’t worry, you definitely won’t be rejected.
A Dirty Attraction Tip… Ok, obviously after this, you’ll be trying to have sex with her… and normally speaking, there are ways you can make sure sex happens by increasing the amount of kino you’re using… but if sex doesn’t happen, don’t worry… here’s a dirty little trick that I learned from one of my friends that will make it so that she’ll remember you after you leave.
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Bring a tiny spray bottle with your cologne in it. When she isn’t looking, spray your cologne on her bedroom pillow or her favorite stuffed animal. Don’t get caught doing this. But leaving this scent will make sure that she’ll be “thinking” of you that night, if you know what I mean!
My “6 Magic Words” These words are only to be said right before you fully seduce your ex. What you’re trying to do here is turn your ex on sexually, but subtly remind them of an incredible sexual experience you two shared together. Try saying this right before you kiss your ex: “I miss being inside of you.” I know. It’s provocative, but that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Remember, you have to say these words when sex is imminent. Make sure you say these words slowly, seductively, and make sure you’re looking into your ex’s eyes. If done correctly, you’ll ignite a sexually frenzy like you’ve never seen before – and this line can strike a dramatic chord with anyone.
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Chapter 11
Sex! ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 11: Sex! Now I bring you to level 3 kino… sex! I probably could write a 300-page book on sex if I wanted to. Most guys don’t like to be told how to make love like a porn star, but really, it’s vital that you know how to make her orgasm. I mean, can you imagine yourself having sex for a minute… and not “finishing”? It’s the worst thing ever, right? Well, it’s like that for women but worse. It doesn’t matter if you’re well-endowed or not. I’ll be able to teach you some tricks that will for sure cause her to scream in the sack. Why is this important, you say? A woman’s orgasm is roughly three times more powerful than a man’s orgasm. I know, that’s hard to believe, huh? If you are skilled in the art of doing her, she’ll be craving for you time and time again. In fact, it will almost be like you control her. I’m serious. So here are some pointers…
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1.)
“Two steps forward, once step back.” Take things slow! You don’t have to rip off all your clothes in the span of 3 seconds. Take your time and explore her body. When you take off a garment of her clothing, make sure you take the time to pay special attention to that newly exposed skin.
2.)
Dirty talk her. Yeah, some women will say they don’t like being called names in bed, but I personally think that’s completely garbage. Women secretly love it when you call them filthy names while screwing them… but name-calling isn’t the only thing you can do here. Tell her exactly what you want to do to her and how turned on you are. Ask her how turned on she is. Keep going back and forth with this and I guarantee you that she’ll get into it. Don’t be shy.
3.)
Establish dominance. Unless your girl is into being the one in control during sex (and not many women are), then you should be establishing firm control over the situation. Women love it when a man takes charge in bed. In fact, when you have sex with her, you should be doing it your way and not hers. That means that you’re physical with her – you force her into sexual positions. You dictate the pace of the sex. You moan or you make a manly noise every time
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she does something good to you in bed. 4.)
Learn how to perform cunnilingus properly. Oral stimulation of a woman’s clitoris is so easy, it’s not even funny. I can easily make any girl cum by performing proper cunnilingus on her. Here are some tips: work your way slowly towards her vagina with her tongue. Start by licking the inside of her ankles and work your way up, slowly, to her vagina. Begin slowly stimulating her vagina with your tongue. As things get hot and heavy (use her breathing as cues), then spread the labia of her vagina with your two thumbs and begin only licking her clitoris. At this point, she’ll be going nuts. Guaranteed!
5.)
Keep cardiovascular fitness level high! Yes, “endurance” in sex often refers to how long a man can keep his erection… but this type of endurance builds up naturally over time with more sex a guys has. However, a lot of men begin to lose their erections simply because they’re not fit enough! Going for a jog every other day will help you give your ex-girlfriend crazy orgasms.
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Once you master these 5 tips, I guarantee you that your relationship with your girlfriend will be renewed and stronger than ever! Like with anything, though, sex takes a lot of practice… so get practicing.
What To Do After Sex If you’ve gotten to this point, then congratulations! You’re doing great. Once you have sex with your ex, chances are your relationship will organically work itself out and you two will be able to freely talk about getting back together. However, there is a chance that she’ll only think of the sex as just “breakup sex” or a “one time thing.” Alternatively, there’s also a chance that she just wants to be friends with benefits. The last thing you want to do right now is blow it and turn into a wuss again. So don’t ask her what the “status” of your relationship is with her right now. For all she knows, you just want “breakup sex” too. So don’t bring up anything yet unless she brings it up. If she brings up the issue of your relationship, then by all means, this is your signal that you can now talk about getting back together again (but don’t beg, plead, or seem too eager).
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However, if she doesn’t bring the topic up, then neither should you, but it is imperative that you continue having sex with her. This is extremely important. In fact, from this point on, every time you meet up with her, make sure you are able to have sex with her at some point. That means having study dates/movie dates at your place or her place. At this point, just keep things light and continue having fun and being positive. Don’t become emotional or depressed when you are around her. Continue flirting and being fun. Hold her hand. At the end of each “date,” it is critical that you are the one that ends it. Say that you’re busy and that you have to go. Say you have to hang out with one of your girlfriends and continue making it known to her that other women want you. Yes, what you’re essentially trying to do is induce jealousy and make her miss you.
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Eventually, if you do this properly, you will force her to initiate The Talk. There will be a moment when you tell her you need to leave after your date with her, but she prevents you from doing so. This is a great time to bring up the topic of your relationship. However, there is a chance that she won’t bring up the topic of your relationship at all. This is a signal that she just wants to be friends with benefits. If, after a period of 3 weeks of hanging out with her and sleeping with her, she doesn’t say anything, it will now be okay to bring up the topic of your relationship. But you need to make sure you bring up the topic in a particular way. Don’t plead for her to get back with you or coerce her into the idea of it. You want to pose the topic in the form of a question (just like in Jeopardy!). Say something like… “Do you think we’ll get back together? Because I’m getting that impression that you want to give things a second try.” This should sufficiently force the topic of your relationship with her. If she continues being evasive or hesitant, do no crack. But again, you must continue having a deep sexual relationship with her and continuing making her think that other women want you. Even if she claims she just wants to be friends with benefits, eventually, she
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will crack. Women don’t want to share. This will help you get out of the friends with benefits zone and into the relationship zone.
Just because you’ve made it this far doesn’t mean you can stop
Pretty soon, your ex will want to talk to you
portraying the “attractive
about getting back together in a real, committed
characteristics” that I described
relationship – but do not make any more
earlier in the book. In fact, now is
mistakes. You already know what you’ve done wrong, and you can’t afford to blow it again. So
the time to “up your game” and make sure she sees you as a confident and successful… she’ll be
once your ex brings the topic of your relationship
embarrassed to get back together
status up again, say that you want to continue
with you if she’s already told her
taking things slow again. Don’t say that you are
friends and family that the
or aren’t interested, but say that you haven’t
breakup was “for real,” so don’t
been thinking about it that much.
show any negative characteristics that might force her to have
If you really want to be manipulative, you
second thoughts. Keep showing
can even say that there’s another person chasing
her a good time, avoid those
after you, wanting to be in a relationship and that
“unattractive characteristics,” and
you’re thoroughly confused as to what to do.
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let her fall back in love with you.
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Remember, you want to flip the situation upside down and be the one that is playing hard to get so that your ex will be the one chasing you.
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Chapter 12
Preventing Breakup ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 12: Preventing Breakup Once you’ve gotten back with your girlfriend, it’s important that you know how to keep her this time. To be honest, if you’ve read this far, you probably already know how to keep the attraction alive, so I’m not going to go over information that’s already been stated. If you sense that your girlfriend is drifting away, then let her know that you aren’t going to stay around. Keep her in line by threatening her that you’ll leave if she continues acting in an unacceptable way, but don’t say it resentfully, just simply say, “Babe, if that’s how you feel, then break up with me.” By doing this, you are instilling fear within her and you’re letting her know that you’re a confident man. You’re showing that you don’t need her.
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Keep Things Interesting This is one of the biggest killers of relationships: boredom. A lack of interest is a very powerful force, so you need to deal with it accordingly. There are some very obvious relationship phases. You might have heard of the term “Honeymooning Phase” – this is when a relationship is new, fresh, exciting, and full of mystery. But once that phase ends, things get a little more relaxed. You’ve gotten to know her and she’s gotten to know you. The interest isn’t as strong as it was before (though the bond may be stronger). It is now a slow progression of you two growing together – not of two people simply coming together. After a while, things will inevitably get stale. This is what I like to call the “Bonded Phase”. Think of your life for a minute. Is every single moment in your life super exciting? I can guarantee you that it isn’t. There will always be “down time” in life, and the same goes for relationships. So now that we’ve accepted that “down time” is part of relationships, the only thing we can do to help prevent boredom is to make this “down time” temporary. But if she ‘s becoming bored, then maybe now is the time to ask yourself why boredom is happening. Is it because you’re spending too much time with her? Is it
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because you are constantly in a bad mood and never want to do anything? Now is the perfect time to reflect on your relationship and find out some causes for this lack of interest. In all good relationships, communication is paramount. Both of you have to work together, problem-solve together, and thus grow together. Here are a few things that will help you keep your relationship feeling a little bit more alive: 1.)
Set up a semi-routine date night. Make sure you set aside time each week to go out and spend quality time together. Don’t make it happen just “every Wednesday” or “every Friday”… mix it up a little bit and keep her on her toes. Keep her guessing.
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2.)
Join a club of group. Do some fun classes together maybe. Try and learn something new with her. This is an incredibly bonding experience.
3.)
Be social together and go out with friends. Occasionally bring out your girlfriend to social events and meet more people. Keep in mind that couples love meeting other couples!
4.)
Gifts! Very occasionally get her thoughtful and inexpensive gifts.
5.)
Learn to talk about anything. Yes, a lot of the time when couples are bored it’s because they have nothing left to talk about since the mystery has vanished. Start reading and expand your knowledge base and talk about new things you’ve learned. This will not only help your relationship but yourself as well.
6.)
Confront her about a lost passion of hers. Did she use to love taking ballet or playing the flute? Ask her why she stopped then surprise her with a gift relating to that activity. She will love you for it!
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7.)
Get her adrenaline pumping. If you do sense your girlfriend is slipping away, then sometimes a nice big adrenaline-fueled adventure is what’s needed to spark the attraction again. Though this isn’t a long-term solution, it often works well as a stopgap. Go to a theme park and go on some rides together. Go bungee jumping. Go sky-diving. Plan a huge trip together… or even a simple road trip! Give your girlfriend something to work towards and look forward to.
8.) Make sex more interesting. Buy toys, lingerie, even role-play! Your girl is willing to go further than you think she will.
Induce Jealousy If things are really looking really grim, then nothing works better than plain old jealousy. Start flirting with other women… a lot! Go out on a date with your girlfriend and start flirting with some other girls. Get a lady friend to send you a sexy message and let your girlfriend see it. Find reasons to talk to her girlfriends.
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Just make it known to your girlfriend that other girls are chasing you. Once she gets a genuine feeling that she’s close to losing you, she’ll start feeling more attracted to you. I know, it doesn’t sound logical, but it works… and it works almost too well. Again, I don’t necessarily endorse these acts, but they just work so well that I just had to include them in my book.
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Chapter 13
Desperation Tactics ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 13: Desperation Tactics The following advice is only applicable if your ex is completely unresponsive to all attempts of rebuilding the relationship. Do not attempt any of the following unless you feel like you’ve tried almost everything in this book and your ex is still ignoring you. Now, your ex may be completely unresponsive for a few reasons. First, your ex may be unreceptive to your advances because they’ve changed their number or contact information. If you know for a fact that this has happened, it’s likely you should be moving on. It simply isn’t worth the effort. If you happened to even get a hold of your ex’s new contact information, what then? Contacting your ex at this point simply looks even more desperate. Second, it’s likely you’ve conveyed way too much interest in getting back together. It’s possible that you’ve gone overboard with the begging and pleading. If you feel that this is the case (and you allowed for several months of no contact), then the following advice may be applicable.
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Third, your ex may be completely unresponsive due to some personal trauma you’ve inflicted on them. That, or they’re simply going through their own personal issues and are uninterested in talking to you at the moment. Regardless of what reason you think is applicable to your situation, it’s imperative that you make sure that this desperation tactic is done at the right time. Remember, when in doubt, you can always safely engage in no-contact and begin the process all over again. Let’s move on to the letter you’ll be sending your ex…
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The Desperation Letter The goal of this letter is to tell your ex that you’ve completely moved on that that you’ve found someone new. Regardless of whether this is true or not, it doesn’t matter. Your goal here is to simply establish a line of communication with your ex.
Dear [Your Ex’s Name], This is a letter you probably would never expect from me since we haven’t spoken in forever… but I’d like to thank you for being in my life. Much has changed since we’ve broken up – I found somebody new and everything has been fantastic. I know it sounds weird, but being with you has helped me realize everything I’ve been missing…but I completely valued the time we were together. I just want you to know that I’m completely over us…and although I’m glad it’s over between us, I think it would be a shame if we just never spoke to each other again. You make such a great friend! If you feel inclined to reach out to me, you know how to contact me. All the best. -[Your Name]
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Send this letter via e-mail after a long period of no communication (3-6 months is usually a sufficient amount of time). Once you send this letter, don’t expect your ex to reply to you right away. It’s possible that it will take a long time before this information will sink in. And whatever you do, remember these guidelines: 1.) Do NOT send a follow-up letter. Once you send this letter, it’s over. You should not be attempting to contact your ex in the near future. This is called a “last ditch effort” for a reason. 2.) After you send this letter, don’t think about it ever again. Once you send it, you should forget about your ex almost entirely and attempt to move on with your life. 3.) Don’t wait for a reply. It’s likely that it will take months before your ex replies to this letter. That means that everything I’ve been teaching you in this book (hanging out with friends, dating other people, etc.) is still very important and you should be attempting to better your life in every way possible. 4.) If your ex does reply to you right away, it will likely be a short thank you or brief acknowledgement of the letter. Once this happens, do NOT reply to your
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ex right away. At that point, you need to be waiting at least a month until you attempt to pursue a friendship.
I know, there’s a lot of waiting around, but you really need to convey that you don’t need them. In their mind, they’re always going to think that you want them, so you really need to shatter the image of the “old you” from their mind and this is the only way you can do it (that, or you could convince your ex to take shock therapy, but this just doesn’t seem like a likely scenario!).
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Chapter 14
Conclusion ©2014 The Ex Factor Guide by Brad Browning
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Chapter 14: Conclusion Congratulations! I hope that this book has helped you get your ex-girlfriend back. And, if you’ve done everything properly, she should be begging you to return to her. But like I said, anything can happen. If you’ve tried everything in this book and more… and your girlfriend still isn’t back in your arms, then maybe it’s time to think about moving on. Think about it this way: if you’ve used the most powerful psychological tools at your disposal to try and win her back and they still haven’t worked, then do you really think that this girl is worth it? Let’s face it. Not everyone is made for each other and sometimes some problems run so deep that they can never be fixed, but that’s life. Do you really want to continue trying to be with a girl that doesn’t appreciate you? That doesn’t care about you? That would probably leave you for another man if she had the opportunity? Every guy deserves a girl that treats them the way they’re supposed to be treated. Relationships are a two-way street and both sides have to be willing to make the effort and sacrifice. If your girlfriend is stupid enough to not get back with you, then find a woman that is smart enough to never leave you.
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Thank you very much for purchasing my program. I sincerely appreciate your business, and I wish you all the best in your efforts to win back the love of your life. Questions? Need further assistance with your specific situation? I offer a personal email coaching service to customers who have signed up for The Ex Factor Guide. You can find more details and register for my personal email coaching service by clicking here. Once again, thank you… and best wishes in your romantic endeavors!
Brad Browning
Relationship Expert, Dating Coach, Best-Selling Author
[email protected] www.ExFactorGuide.com | www.LoveLearnings.com
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