Essentials of Counselling

Prof. Lakshman Madurasinghe, PhD Consultant Psychologist Psychologist,, Attorney

What is Counselling ? Why do we need it ?

Counselling may be defined as 1.providing help and support to a client

2. creating a climate of  acceptance

3. Assisting the client to explore, understand and act (EUA)

It is a dynamic relationship between two or more persons- A QUANTUM MODEL

consilium….grasp with sellan….to sell or deliver  counselling is delivered and counselee grasps together  with counsellor 

To understand the counselee’s current situation. To understand how he has tried to handle the problem. To understand his view of the problem……….

To understand his emotional reactions. To evaluate the total problem. To help him clarify his life situation

Triple filter of Integrity Honest Accountable Just & Equitable

Herrmann Brain-dominance instrument  Left brain- logical thinkers left brain –limbic- sequential  thinkers Right brain- holistic thinkers Right-brain-limbic- emotional  thinkers

Spect Analysis What happens if full brain is not used

What is the reality around us ?

Confucius in Analects says Wealth We alth and honour are a re what every person desires. But if  they have been obtained in violation of moral principles, they must not be kept

Socrates in Apology says The moral person does not put money or  anything above virtue

EastIndiaChina/Japan1000+ BCE  Judaism: Moses 1500-1350 BCE Hinduism: 2000 BCE 600 BCE Zoroastrianism: Zoroaster 628-527 BCE  Jainism: Mahavira 599-527 BCE Buddhism:

Taoism: Lao Tse 580-500 BCE Confucianism: Confucius 551-579 BCE 100 CE Christianity: Jesus 1-33 CE Shinto: 100 CE600 CE Islam: Muhammad 570-636 CE

Shakespeare on Roses 

A rose by any other name smells as sweet……..

Mini wars, hostages, hi-jackings, hundred other horrors and terrors is disquieting. Inside society there is societal entropy entro py.. Crimes are escalating. Violence and vices are spiraling.

Advice giving Opinion giving Sympathizing

Giving practical help Not simply interviewing Not simply listening

Skills are gradual not sudden , so constant practice is vital a few months……

to Counselling Client Centred- Carl Rogers Psychodynamic- Freud Gestalt- Frit Perls Humanistic- RET-Ellis Personal Construct- Kelly Behavioural- Watson, Skinner Transactional AnalysisBerne

WHAT ARE THE 3 P’S

Premise Person Process

Premise Human interaction is primary to life 1. 2.

Interdependence Independence

Person Accept 3 factors 1. Recognize importance of  spiritual values 2. Love others as self  3. Accept self as human

Counsellor’s qualities

Empathy Some answers Implies risk emotional involvement concern connection between you and the man

Empathy To understand someone from his point of view, by sensing and experiencing his feelings and perspective Apathy; Empathy, Sympathy

Empathy Negotiation Conflict Management Managing diversity Developing others Customer needs networking

Counsellor’s qualities 1. Empathy- Your hurt is my hurt 2. Positive regard 3. Genuineness 4. Concreteness

Counsellor’s qualities 5. Clear thinking 6. Common sense 7. Self awareness 8. Warmth

Counsellor’s Motivation

Counsellor’s Motivation 1. The need for relationships 2. The need to control

Counsellor’s Motivation 3. The need to rescue 4. The need for information

Counsellor’s

Motivation

5. Just fashionable…..

Some don’ts in Counselling Don’t Moralize Don’t compare with your experience Don’t offer advice on personal and emotional issues Don’t tell the client they don’t feel a certain way- of course you are not depressed…..

Counsellor’s Role

Counsellor’s Role 1. Being hasty instead of  deliberate 2. Being disrespectful instead of sympathetic

Counsellor’s Role 3. Being judgmental instead of unbiased 4. Being directive instead of  interpretive

Counsellor’s Role 5. Emotionally over involved 6.Artificial- not authentic

The Counselee

The Counselee’s rights must be respected 6.Right to speak and be heard 7.Right to his/her opinion 8.Right to defend him/herself  9.Right to personal hil h

The process

Moving Interviews forward

3 Stages Understand Explore Act

Check list of essentials

1. Why does he need help at this time 2. What has he already done towards solving the problem 3. What help has he already received

Check list of essentials 4. What help does he still need 5. Spiritual needs 6. Plan of action

4.Me too 6.If I were you 8.Yes, but

Active listening is a learned skill and not a natural attribute

Listening Assessment

Effective Listening behaviour  SOLER 1. Sitting squarely 2. Open position 3. Leaning forward 4. Eye contact 5. Relaxing

Be Be Be Be Be Be

accepting concerned patient specific honest faithful

1. Be Accepting

Take a non-judgmental stance Accept him for what he is Accept him for where he is

2. Be Concerned

Caring and willing to get involved Attentive to what the client says  Your motivation is love

3. Be patient

The client sets the schedule Giving time suggests interest Do not force the pace

4. Be specific Ask specific questions Give concrete statements Confront inconsistencies

5. Be honest Respond in a way that reflects your feelings  Your responses are to be congruent with your feelings  Your responses should be gracious

6. Be faithful Absolute confidentiality Refrain from passing along info given by client Always keep an appointment with client

The Complete Message Please fill out the % ?? % Content

?? % Tone

?? % Non Verbal

The Complete Message Nonverbal – 55 % Tone of voice- 38 % Actual words- 7 % !!