The Grant Adams Trainings
Erotic Mastery Training Manual
This training manual will give you an opportunity to search through the content for the material you want to study further, to write your own notes and simply absorb this information on paper while listening to the interviews to gain the maximum understanding.
Limits of Liability & Disclaimer of Warranty This document is for entertainment purposes only. The author, publisher, and participatings are giving no specific instruction or medical, psychological, or behavioral advice. No one connected with this document is a doctor, attorney, or mental health professional. Before engaging in any activity that is risky to yourself or another person, please consult an appropriate professional for advice. The author and publisher of this ebook and the associated materials have used their best efforts in preparing this material. The author and publisher make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this material. They disclaim any warranties expressed or implied, merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable for any loss or other damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. This material contains elements protected under International and Federal Copywright laws and treaties. Any
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The Grant Adams Trainings
Erotic Mastery Teleseminar Transcript Session 1 with David Shade "Erotic Mastery Through Attitude, Touch and Speech "
Limits of Liability & Disclaimer of Warranty This document is for entertainment purposes only. The author, publisher, and participants are giving no specific instruction or medical, psychological, or behavioral advice. No one connected with this document is a doctor, attorney, or mental health professional. Before engaging in any activity that is risky to yourself or another person, please consult an appropriate professional for advice. Grant Adams, N2B Partners, and its principals are in no way responsible for your behavior. If this is not agreeable to you, please do not read any further. The author and publisher of this ebook and the associated materials have used their best efforts in preparing this material. The author and publisher make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this material. They disclaim any warranties expressed or implied, merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable for any loss or other damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. This material contains elements protected under International and Federal Copywright laws and treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.
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Transcript Grant Adams (Grant): Hey, welcome everybody. Welcome to our first session of Erotic Mastery. We are starting with a real erotic master. I’m really honored and grateful that he’s joined us tonight. He’s one of the best. I’ll introduce him more fully in a second. I want to go through a little bit of business first. Some people asked why did I put this course together, and the answer is kind of a ‘duh,’ because my feeling is that almost every man really wants to be a better lover. Everybody wants to be that god in bed that women want more and more of. So on one level it’s kind of ‘duh,’ but there’s a little more story here. Those of you who know me and know my story, I got divorced about 5-6 years ago and really thrown out into the world and really set about to educate myself on how to be extremely successful with women because I wanted that a lot. And I managed to do that, and then last year I went to the Cliff’s list conference in Montreal and I saw David Shade, who’s our guest today, speak. And it was a like big ‘aha!’ moment. It was like, “Wow, this guy has really thought deeply about men and women and particularly in the world of sexuality,” and that sort of opened up something else for me. I also met Steve Picketts, who we’ll be speaking to later on in this series. Both of them, by the way, are mentioned in the book, The Game, by Neil Strauss, and really kind of opened up sort of a professional approach to sex. I had gone out and bought the sort of standard books, the Margot Anand and other books about erotic mastery. But these guys reach an edge that’s way beyond a lot of the stuff in popular books. The other that happened is I spent a lot of time in San Francisco this year, as David has also, he also is familiar with a lot of what’s going on out there. There’s some really interesting communities that are doing some very edgy sexual learning, so we’ve both done some of that. And the other element of the last year, those of you who know me and follow TheCompleteAttractor.com is I’ve gotten very deeply into the work of David Deida and a man named Satyen Raja, who will be one of our last teachers in this series. What they teach is very much similar to what David teaches, but with a different angle. They come from a very very deep sort of spiritual tradition, not that David isn’t spiritual at all, but very very deep sexuality and sort of what’s the deep Page 3 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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spiritual communion when you can get a woman to really surrender in the ways that David really is an expert at. So that’s sort of my background why I wanted to do this course. The quote that I want to start with, and I like to always start with a quote, I pulled from David’s work because it says so much. He says, “When you lead a woman, you are responsible for her.” And what I love about that quote is a few things – “When you lead a woman…” – I want to focus on the word ‘woman.’ It’s in the singular. David’s going to say a few words about that and trust. And he talks about responsibility. The level of sexual skill that David teaches and the kind of sexual abandon that is required from women really does require some responsibility from us as guys. So I want you to keep that in mind as we go.
" When you lead a woman, you are responsible for her.” ."
Now a little bit of business about the call. At the end of the call we’re going to open up for questions and answers and I’m going to ask you four questions now that we’ll get back to later, kind of for you to think about while you’re listening. This is useful for me because it’s good feedback on how to get you the information you really signed up to get, to make sure we get it on this call and the next calls, but it also helps you listen more actively. So these are the questions. You don’t have to write them down but just think about these. 1.
Listening tonight, what’s the single most important thing you’ve heard and why?
2.
What’s one shift you’re going to make in your life, and I always emphasize action. This isn’t just about learning to keep it in your head. So what’s a shift you’re going to make in your life as a result of listening to David tonight?
3.
This is important. What have we touched on that you want to learn more about in the rest of the calls? We’re going to cover a lot of ground, so if there’s anything left unsaid or that you’re interested in, let me know.
4.
For someone who’s on the fence about this stuff, I mean you guys took action, you’re here, you’re learning, you take your skills seriously, Page 4
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what would you say to somebody else about how this kind of learning could improve their life? So those are four questions I want you to keep kind of in the back of your mind. Now, if you haven’t already, there’s a hands-on worksheet that you can follow the structure of the call. It’s at http://www.EroticMastery.com/members and there’s a worksheet you can follow. The password for this week is command. So now we can get started. Let me introduce David. David Shade is an icon in the worldwide seduction community, and it’s not for anything flashy or showy, but really because he has a rock-solid understanding of women. He’s put a lot of work into this. He is a very prodigious thinker and he has a great sort of understated mastery of how to unlock women’s fantasy life. He’s the author of a couple of e-books, one of which is The Secrets of Female Sexuality. The other, possibly my favorite title of any book ever, Give Women Wild Screaming Orgasms. And we’re really privileged to have David here today. David, are you out there? David Shade (David): Hello Grant. How are you? Grant: I’m very very good, I’m very happy to have you here. Now again, before we get started, part of David’s integrity is to take responsibility for the kinds of things he teaches, because he certainly takes men and women into places of abandon. So David, did you want to say something about that? David: Yeah, let me get into a little legalese. But first of all I want to say, Grant, thank you very much for asking me to speak with you, and I appreciate everybody’s interest. A lot of people gathered for this call and I really appreciate everybody’s interest. Let me go over a little legalese. I am not a doctor or a lawyer. I cannot give medical or legal advice. Also I am not going to tell you what to do. You are responsible for your own actions. I will simply share my personal experiences and beliefs. From a legalese standpoint, simply consider my talk as personal entertainment. And I can springboard off of that and say that being responsible for your own actions is the first step towards being a man.
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Grant: Thank you. I hope everyone gets that. That’s very important. And the same for me. Obviously I’m not a doctor or a psychologist. This is a learning process. We have kind of a similar story. We were both married for a long time to very beautiful wives. David is very open about the fact that his beautiful wife who he was very happy with left for a bad boy, just a guy who had this crazy kind of edge. Rather than folding up and collapsing like a lot of guys would, you really set your mind on figuring out why he was attractive and what he had that you could master yourself. So you have a really interesting history. You ran a telephone line. Would you say one very quick word about how you got into exciting women over the telephone? David: Yeah, after my divorce, just like you I felt very defeated and alone, but at the time I had custody of my two small children. I know you also have two sons. Because I had to put them to bed at 9:00 at night, I was stuck at home, so I turned to the telephone. I answered online ads where you would communicate by telephone. I’d call a 900 number and leave a message and she would call me back. So I would talk to these women over the phone and learn some fascinating things by first building rapport, building an emotional connection, yada yada. Because I was stuck at home I thought, “Well, maybe I could turn this into sexual experiences.” Believe it or not, 80% of these women who called who were educated professional women would have phone sex with me. So I learned a lot about women. I’ve always been fascinated by women and I became hungry to learn more. Grant: And two of the principles that we’re going to get into a little bit later…one is something that you teach and it’s a wonderful thing for men to know, that women are highly sexual creatures, often much more than guys, although the culture doesn’t teach that. And second is the power of words. I love what you teach about the power of words. I owe a lot to David, so by the way, thank you. David: Well, thank you! I consider that a compliment coming from you, Grant. Grant: Thank you very much. And there’s a woman out there who’s also very grateful. Page 6 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Now, to get started I would like to talk about some key foundations. I don’t want to spend a lot of time on the foundations, but one thing I love about your work, David, is you are so grounded in integrity and responsibility, and at the same time go into some really deep wild edgy stuff with women. I want men to understand that you can really only go there if you’re grounded in a certain kind of integrity. There are seven foundations that we’ve discussed earlier that I want to go through, that you find essential to really allow women to abandon themselves to the leadership of a man during sex, which is generally what women want and generally what men want, but often, as in my case earlier in my life, didn’t really have the courage or knowledge to do. So the first foundation has to do with women’s self-esteem. I find, and I’m sure you find, that a lot of sort of pick-up stuff that goes on in the world really kind of leeches onto low esteem women. You say very clearly in your work that this is about women with high self-esteem. So how do you teach guys to get out of going after that low self-esteem women mindset? David: You mentioned in my introduction that my wife left me for a bad boy, and you asked “Why was he attractive?” and I can tell you why. I figured it out later and it’s because she had low self-esteem. I didn’t know anything about that when I got married. I figured it out later. I treated her like a queen, without being a wimp, and she honestly did not believe that she deserved it because she had a low self-esteem. She did not believe that she deserved to be treated well. And thus she sabotaged it and she found a bad boy who would treat her poorly. That’s why he was attractive. You mentioned another thing and that is the pick-up community. Because I was fascinated by women and hungry to learn more, I thought, “Well, none of the guys at work could care less.” They were idiots when it comes to that, so I thought, “Well, maybe I can find some friends on the internet.” So I did a search on the word ‘seduction’ and I found the seduction community and I thought “Man, these are guys who love women as much as I do,” so I started posting in the seduction community, but it didn’t have so much to do about pick-up. It had to do with what you do once you get the woman, and understanding women more. The first thing I had to do after my divorce is I assumed responsibility for my lot in life. I assumed responsibility for what happened to me. I had to figure it out. I read tons of books, hundreds of books, and I realized that a lot of it had to do with a woman’s self-esteem, so I tried to figure out how do I find out if a woman has a good self-esteem? Page 7 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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I came to realize that the women I’d met through my phone line experience -- on the weekends I’d get a babysitter and go out with them and found out that women who had high self-esteem were much more sexually responsive. There were many many advantages to them having high self-esteem. I was finding that I was having no luck with women with low self-esteem because I would treat a woman like a gentleman. Now, to touch upon this pick-up thing about how men take advantage of a woman’s low self-esteem, that would be men who themselves have low selfesteem. It’s very easy to pick up a woman with low selfesteem. All you have to do is play to that by making her self-conscious, making her doubt herself, and making it obvious to her that you do not approve of her, which makes her thirst for you even more. Why? Because women with low self-esteem probably did not have a good relationship with their own father.
"Women who had high self-esteem were much more sexually responsive."
Their own father was condescending to her or absent or vanished, and the way that women are raised by their fathers, the way that they’re treated by their fathers, they grow up to look for men who treat them the same way. So all you have to do is make her self-conscious, make her self-doubt, and she will be very attracted to you. So that’s feeding into the vulnerabilities of a woman. And that works! But it’s not rewarding. Instead I’m interested in empowering a woman who wants to be treated well. Grant: That’s exactly what I wanted to get to. I love how you talk about this. The difference between taking advantage of a woman with low self-esteem and empowering a woman who already has self-esteem and empowering her further, and how the sex there is going to be something just way beyond what you’d get otherwise. David: Oh, with high self-esteem women it’s mind blowing. Grant: Good. Alright, so that’s point one. The second point, and these again are foundations of a really powerful sexual experience, is you talk about the difference between one-night stands and what’s possible for ongoing sexual relationships. I think that’s really interesting, so do you want to draw that distinction? Page 8 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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David: Yeah. You and I talked a couple times on the phone before tonight. And by the way, if I miss any points, just say, “Hey David, I wanted you to talk about such and such.” Alright, one night stands, like when I said on the phone I don’t teach seduction, and the kind of stuff that I get into isn’t going to help on a one-night stand. There’s not a whole lot you can do the first night, and certainly if guys are interested in only one-night stands there’s not much I can teach them. The stuff that I teach is if you intend to see a woman on an ongoing basis --it doesn’t mean it has to be exclusive, but if it’s exclusive there’s certain things you can do – but if you’re interested in seeing a woman on an ongoing basis and really open up the potential of her sexuality, that’s the kind of stuff I really get into. Grant: Ok, so opening up her sexuality is something that’s going to happen really over time. It’s not going to happen in one night. The third foundation has to do with responsibility. I mentioned that earlier, that when you lead a woman into sexual abandon you’re responsible for her, so we’re going to leave that at that right now. We can talk about that perhaps a little later. The fourth is about actually liking women. Do you want to say something about that? This is a very important mindset obviously. David: Yeah, this is only going to work if you genuinely like women. We’re all attracted to women, but do you genuinely like women? Now there’s a lot of guys who are angry at women because their wife divorced them or the girl who wouldn’t go to the prom with them in high school or girls made fun of them. It’s not women. There’s nothing to be angry with and don’t blame other people. So it’s not going to work unless you genuinely like women. In fact, it works when you genuinely believe in women. And it took me some time to genuinely understand women to the point where I really believed in them and I understand them. Only then, only when you adore everything that defines a woman as a woman, only then can you be truly successful. And it’s the guys who are fascinated by women who are really successful with this stuff. Grant: I coined a term called ‘the adorable pathetic,’ which is the things that we find pathetic about women because they don’t do what we do so easily we should adore them for. And the same goes for women about us, rather than trying to expect them to be like us, so with this positioning of adoration a woman really feels that and it allows her to abandon herself a little more. Page 9 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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The other aspect to that is the fifth foundation, which is trust. This was amazing, because David, I have to say when I went through all your work, you really found that if you’re going to get a woman to a wild screaming orgasm, you start out by saying you have to earn her trust by being a man of your word at all times, which is not what I expected when I opened up a book about wild screaming orgasms. Do you want to say something about that? David: Yeah, that’s what’s going to cause the wild screaming orgasms. Remember, this is on an ongoing basis. I’m teaching guys what are all the things that you have to do in order to give women wild screaming orgasms? First of all, she has to be able to trust you. Scientists have found that to have an orgasm, the parts of a woman’s mind that have to do with fear and anxiety have to be turned off, and that’s only going to happen when she fully feels that she trusts you. Again, it goes back to responsibility. Most women are sexually submissive. They were raised to not want to be sexually active, yet they do internally, but socially they aren’t supposed to so they cannot initiate. Instead, they can only respond. If she initiates anything, she assumes the responsibility for what happens, but if you initiate, if you lead her, you assume the responsibility. Responsibility is also important because this stuff is extremely powerful. You must be very careful who you choose to do this on, and while you do this you are responsible for her because the idea is to get her to become naked to you in every single …the idea is to get way. Quoting an ex-girlfriend of mine, she said, “David, I feel naked to you in every way.” That’s golden! And in order to do that she has to trust me. That’s where you’ve got to start.
her to be naked to you in every single way."
Grant: I want to ratchet that up one more step, because I’m going to skip the sixth, but in your seventh foundation you talk about the idea of commanding respect, and this is fascinating. I think everyone on the call needs to understand the difference between earning respect, which is sort of a common desexualized non-polarized kind of attitude toward respect. It’s something you do in your everyday life. But you talk about commanding respect. I definitely want you to set this up with your notion of command, because it sounds so un-PC in the popular world. But can you say something about what you mean about commanding respect versus earning respect? David: Well, to command respect you have to take the steps to earn respect. When people hear ‘command respect,’ they may hear ‘commanding’ or Page 10 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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‘demanding.’ That is not going to command respect. That is not even going to earn respect. And there are a number of people who gain respect through intimidation, but that’s not going to work. To command respect you do first have to earn respect. Now to command respect, you embody all of the components of respect. 1.
You respect yourself.
2.
You treat others with respect, including her.
3.
You demand that people treat you with respect. Only associate with people who treat you with respect.
By that, you command respect. Respect is extremely important if you want to give women wild screaming orgasms, because she is not going to have wild screaming orgasms unless she takes what you say deadly seriously. Only when she takes what you say seriously is she going to respond to you. In order for her to take what you say seriously, she has to respect you. Grant: That’s really crucial, and a little bit later we’re going to get to the idea of orgasm on command, so what you’re saying about command and taking what you say seriously isn’t just a general concept. You’re talking about very specifically when you command a woman during sex to do something, to have a certain response. If she doesn’t take you seriously it’s not going to work. So we’re going to get to that. I don’t want to jump that far quite yet. We’re going to work our way up to sex, but we will get there. Before we get there, I want to talk about confidence, because an aspect obviously of commanding respect is self-confidence. One of the things that a lot of guys, certainly me when I got divorced, you when you got divorced, we had a problem with self-confidence. It can come from having a crappy job and not really feeling in control of your life. It can come from a lot of places. What do you see? You have a very large community worldwide. What do you see that men tell themselves that’s holding them back from being the kind of man that women are really attracted to sexually and are willing to abandon themselves to. What are guys telling themselves that’s wrong, and then how do you counsel them out of that?
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David: You mentioned a lot of stuff there. Let me start with the self-confidence. It’s easy to tell guys, “Hey, get self confident!” It’s easy, but that doesn’t just happen. You don’t just say, “Ok, I’m going to be self-confident.” That just doesn’t happen. I don’t use the term self-confidence. What I do work on, and it was work, I worked on it, and that is first you assume responsibility for your own lot in life. Only when you assume responsibility can you do anything about it. Secondly, don’t be a victim. If you blame other people, you’re a victim. Instead, assume responsibility. In order to do anything about it, that means you have to believe in yourself. So you have to believe in yourself, absolutely. And you do that by doing things, proving things to yourself. You go out there and, as Dr. Paul says, you ‘do courage.’ You go out there and you do it. You know what you have to do. You know that you have fear, but you know you have to do it. You go and you do it. And most of the time you will find that you are successful. That builds selfesteem, which others would call self-confidence. Believe in yourself and go out there and do it. Grant: You know, I have to say, it’s something that used to fall on deaf ears for me a little bit when people said, “Just take action and the universe will follow.” It’s so damn true. I’ll give a parallel. When I first started dating and I went online, and you know my story. I’m pretty good at being able to communicate online, and all the sudden all these women were coming at me. It definitely changed my self-confidence. So I just took steps and what did you say? Do courage? Is that what you said? David: Yeah, that’s what Dr. Paul says. I found those words after I’d done it. You know what, my self-confidence, to use your term, was so low. I mean after my divorce I was saying, “Oh my god, I’m a loser.” And I had to start from the bottom. You know the first thing I did? I had to find out why am I worthy? And you know what I did, I finally realized, “You know what, when my parents had sex, there were more than a million sperm and I’m the one that won.” All of a sudden, I’m one in a million. I’m a winner! That’s how low I had to start, and I crawled up from there, proving myself a little step at a time to myself. Grant: From the base up, that’s great. And anyone listening, anyone who’s been in any situation like ours or has any self-confidence, know that I had the exact same…I didn’t go back to sperm, but I honestly thought no one would ever date me. I thought I was a total failure in life when that happened. Page 12 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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So no matter where you are in life, don’t stress it. I think what you’re saying is absolutely essential. Take responsibility and just take action, and self-confidence follows through testing, not through mind tricks, mind games, mind practices. Meditation helps, but it’s really what you do. Just do it and do it and success will come. David: Let me say something to that, Grant. You and I as teachers helping other guys, we say “Go do these things,” and guys need to do these things. We can’t give them a magic bullet. They can’t send us a check and voila instantly women are attracted to them. They have to do it. But you and I have been through these things and we figured it out and we can help other guys, but they have to do it, which means they have to believe enough in themselves to take these things a step at a time and do them. Grant: Absolutely. Let’s move forward now, especially as we’re talking about actually doing it. We’re going to talk about moving toward the sexual moment. We’re not going to talk about pick-up, and there’s lots of good material out there and actually a lot of bad material too, but there’s a lot of good material. But let’s say a guy meets a woman. You’re in a café, you’re in a bar, I don’t know where you are, you met her online, and you like each other. You’re beginning to sense that this may go somewhere. You talk about how to read the signs that women are interested sexually in a guy, and a lot of guys actually asked me about this. I sent them a survey. A lot of guys aren’t sure and they’re kind of afraid that if they make a move and she’s not there, that they’re going to be humiliated or she’s going to be angry or they’re going to end up in jail as a rapist. What do you have to say about that moment of testing, of moving from a nonsexual kind of attraction to a sexual moment? David: Ok, that’s a mouthful. Now, sexual moments. Read signs that they’re sexually interested. Now that touches back on the point that you were just at, which is men’s self-talk. That’s so true. Men have a lot of self-talk which is self-defeating. They think about all the things that could go wrong. Let me answer both of these questions at the same time, and that is first take these fundamental beliefs that women like sex a lot, probably more than men. I’ve found that they do. Women are highly sexual creatures. Women want to be in an exciting sexual relationship. When a woman is at the bar with her girlfriends and a man comes up and starts to talk to her, the first thing she says, “Oh god, what is this guy going to say?” Page 13 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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What she really wants is “I want this guy to be a guy who gives me loud screaming orgasms.” That what she dreams about. That’s not what she thinks about at the moment, but men need to understand that women want a man who will lead them. Now, how do you read the signs that they’re sexually interested? You don’t know. First of all, the guys that I know in the community who are very successful, I mean I know the guys who are successful. Those guys have two things in common. 1. They are excellent with rapport. They’re social creatures. They can have rapport with people of both genders and they can have very good rapport with women.
" What she really
wants is ‘I want this guy to be a guy who gives me loud screaming orgasms.’ That what she dreams about.”
2. They’re comfortable with a woman’s sexuality. That requires that they’re comfortable with their own sexuality, they didn’t have a bunch of dirt growing up. Given that, the ability to have rapport and being comfortable with women’s sexuality, how can you read the signs? You may not be able to. You don’t know what’s going on in her mind, but if you change your beliefs and believe that women want to be in an exciting sexual relationship, just assume that she wants to have sex. Now, given that, you can still be a gentleman. You can build rapport, you can move things along, and you can very likely, very slowly, a baby step at a time, lead her. All she has to do is follow. If you lead very slowly, very easily, especially at first, and she follows, keep going. There you go. Grant: And one of the things you say, which is true, I can attest to with my own experience, when you ask “Can I kiss you?” you kind of lose that leadership role. David: You and I talked about that on the phone. There are a lot of techniques out there to ask, and that’s fine. They work. I would not necessarily recommend that. There are specific situations where it is appropriate and the best thing to do, but overall simply assume that she wants to follow and you lead. You can’t lead if you’re asking. The problem with asking is it makes her responsible for what happens sexually. Now if you lead, she can still be a proper lady and still be a ruthlessly expressive sexual creature. If you lead a little bit at a time and you’ll know that she’s ready, if she does not object. Page 14 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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A woman will not necessarily say, “Oh, ok, I’ll do that.” She won’t articulate it, but she won’t object. If you take it very slow, if you are respectful and you build upon the rapport that you’ve established, you slowly lead her a baby step at a time and, like you and I talked about on the phone the other day, there is nothing more natural than a man and a woman getting together. That’s what we were made to do. Let nature take its course, while allowing her to be a sexually submissive creature. Slowly lead her a step at a time to the natural outcome. Grant: I think one of the destructive ideas that I’ve come across is you have to make it happen. If you learn these techniques it’ll work with every woman every time. It’s not true for anybody and it also puts so much pressure on the individual evening and the individual person that a guy could feel like a failure if it doesn’t work. If a woman resists, it’s not so much about overcoming resistance. You have to know there are other women in the world, correct? David: Alright, let me talk about that. A lot of guys talk about last-minute resistance. To tell you the truth, I hope I get it. If it’s a woman that I met that night… Here’s the problem. A lot of guys are out to do this and that’s fine. They want to get laid the night they meet a woman, and that’s fine. We all go through that phase where we’ve got to do that and that’s fine. Now I’m interested in the long-term. Here’s the problem. If you meet a woman that night and take her home and she has intercourse with you, she already knows she’ll never see you again. It’s what I call the one-night stand clause. Now there are exceptions to it, but generally if a woman sleeps with a man the first night she meets him, she will not see him again. And women do that. I know women who regularly engage in that. Fine, good for them, and there’s plenty of guys who will play that game. Now if you’re interested in the long term, if you meet a woman and things progress that night, if you want to see her long term you better hope she objects to intercourse, because that means… First of all, if a woman has intercourse with a man the first night she meets him, she has already made the conscious decision that he is not good enough for a relationship. He’s only good for a one-night stand. He’s not Mr. Right. He’s only Mr. Right Now. She has already made the conscious decision to have less respect for him. Page 15 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant: Wow! I have to say that really flips a lot of the popular conception about what success is with women. I love that you said that. David: Well, it depends on what your idea of success is. Do you want to be the bumblebee going from flower to flower? Or do you want to have a very powerful effect over women? Or if you want to have one extremely exciting relationship with one woman, you have to see the long term and you have to be patient and you have to hope for last-minute resistance the first night. You can use that, you can leverage that, the next time you see her to make it even more powerful. Grant: I love how you said that, David. Let me follow up with another question. Before we get to the really edgy stuff, which we’re about to get to, you have this amazing principle that you can create the conditions for sex so that a woman feels like it’s just happened, like it just spontaneously happened. Then when she goes to work the next day she’s going to tell her girlfriends, “Oh my god, I had this amazing experience last night. We were just talking and talking and suddenly we were having amazing sex,” or “We’d gone out a couple of times and I didn’t expect it and it just happened.” That is a great frame for surrender, so they don’t feel they’re being manipulated. Can you say a few words about that principle? David: Yes. That’s a very important thing that I teach men. You need to set up everything such that she can justify it later by just saying, “It just happened.” Monday morning she could go into work and tell her girlfriends at work, “Oh wow, it was really exciting. It just happened!” And they all sigh. They love it. They know exactly what that means. That means that two people got swept away with passion and were overcome and blah blah blah. Now when you are leading her, when you’re very slowly one step at a time escalating things, you never articulate it. You never say to her, “Ok, now let’s go into the bedroom and get sexual,” because for her to say yes or even to not object to something that blatant would mean that she assumes some responsibility. Instead, you want to slowly escalate things such that she can later say, “It just happened.” You slowly escalate and she simply follows, such that afterwards she can simply say she was swept away with passion. It makes it sound like you were swept away, you were overcome with your attraction for her and you couldn’t help yourself and you were overcome with it. Page 16 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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And all this, of course, is done with consent, by slowly escalating things a little bit at a time. Grant: You’re a master of words and you write in your work. By the way, we’ll tell everyone how to get your newsletter at the end of the call. His newsletter is amazing, your newsletter is amazing. There’s so much information. You talk about a ‘yes ladder’ and I think this is one of the most powerful escalation tools. Would you give an example or explain what that is and how yo might deploy that? David: Yeah, that’s just one of the many tricks in the hat. Let’s say that you and she are in bed together and you want her to sequentially say yes to everything you say. There’s an old saying among lawyers. A lawyer never asks a question in court that he does not already know the answer to. I would add to that a masterful lover never asks a question in the bedroom that he does not already know the answer to be yes. Always ask questions that you know you’re going to get a yes. “Does this feel good?” “Yes.” “Do you like it when I do this?’ “Yes.” “Do you this or that?” “Yes.” Get her to say yes enough times and then you do something new that you haven’t done before and you say, “Do you like it when I do this?” or “Does this feel good?” “Yes.” That’s used in sales a lot, right? Grant: Of course. It’s a classic sales technique. But in classic sales they don’t use voice as much, and I’ve heard some of your audio programs and it’s not just the words. It’s the way you say it. There’s a breathiness, there’s a depth of voice. It has to do with also commanding respect. Your voice can drop as you escalate the ladder, deeper and softer. David: Yeah, I worked on my voice a lot, by the way. Page 17 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant: You’ve got a hell of a voice. David: I worked on it. Grant: Yeah, and it’s important to know that your tonality, to really drop your voice down into your chest, it has a huge impact. A lot of guys know that but they forget it in the moment. David: Let me say one thing about voice. I tell guys, “Your most important tool in the bedroom is not your tool, it’s your voice.” Guys need to understand that, because to really bring out a woman’s sexual potential it’s mental and you drive that mental with the words that you say and the way you say them and the context in which you say them.
“Your most important tool in the bedroom is not your tool, it’s your voice.”
Grant: And you really need that kind of confidence inside so that your voice is steady. David: There’s that word confidence again. You know what, I think guys get turned off by the word ‘confidence.’ I know I do. “Oh, just be confident.” Instead, believe in women, believe in yourself. Believe that a woman wants to be sexually expressive but cannot initiate it. You, however, in a consensual situation, you slowly lead her and you believe enough in yourself to be able to lead a woman a step at a time. You believe enough in yourself to do these things that I teach you to do. Grant: That’s good. And there’s another way I would put confidence and that’s directional. I think everyone has lack of confidence, but if you have a sense of direction and a sense of goal, I think you can get that steadiness of voice and purpose that women can really sense. David: Yeah, that’s very true. Grant: I want to ask you, you mentioned the ‘yes ladder’ was one of the arrows in the quiver. Another you talk about is the power of possessive. I wonder if you can walk us through that also. David: Yeah, very good. The power of possessive is very important. Like you and I talked about on the phone the other day, the whole idea of a sexually submissive woman is you want to bring out her inner slut.
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Now women socially do not want to be sluts. They are socially ostracized to do that and most men do not find that attractive in actuality. But all men want their woman to be slutty for them. Women do want to be slutty. They want to be ruthlessly animalistically expressive. They want to be slutty with their man, but they don’t want to be sluts. Now, we’re getting into some really advanced dirty talk here. So we’re making a huge step forward here, but in the bedroom, in the context of heightened sexual arousal, and we just jumped a whole bunch of steps here and I should preface that by saying…getting back to dirty talk and voice…and that is when you’re in the bedroom with your woman, the context completely changes. Now in the living room she wants to be a lady. In the bedroom she wants to be slutty. You slowly progress things from the living room to the bedroom, and I’m talking in an ongoing relationship here based on mutual trust yada yada, everything’s consensual. In the context of heightened sexual arousal, everything you say is taken in a completely different context. This is critically important. When you use vulgar language in the context of heightened sexual arousal, it is taken as being good. You can’t do that in the living room. That’s a completely different context. In the context of heightened sexual arousal in the bedroom, you can talk dirty. Alright, so we’ve taken a bunch of steps forward here and we’re going to get to the power of possessive and that is one of the things you say in dirty talk is you call her a slut. But you can’t say “You’re a slut.” Instead you say, you make it possessive, “You’re my naughty little slut.” By using that possessive, by putting ‘my’ in front of it, it means she’s being slutty for you. She’s being slutty as a result of being responsive to you. She’s being slutty because you are allowing her and leading her to be ruthlessly expressive. In the context of privacy with a man that she trusts in the bedroom, it allows her to do that. You can call her a slut, so long as you preface it with ‘my slut.’ Grant: That’s beautiful, and certainly at any Halloween party, what do women dress as, right? They clearly want to express that. So it makes it safe for them. David: You mentioned a really good point, and that is on Halloween you’ll find that women dress much sluttier. It gives them a license to be what they really want to be. A Halloween costume says a lot about a person and they start dressing slutty on Halloween. But it gives them a license to do it without being a slut. Grant: Because it’s contextualized, it’s safe. Page 19 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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David: Exactly, contextualized, very good. Grant: I want to point out one of your great lines. I want guys to listen to this carefully. One of your great lines is, “You’re a very sweet innocent little thing, but I know you’re my bad naughty little bitch.” That’s an amazing line because it has what I talk about a lot in Net2Bed in my online dating advice, about how to employ electric contrast. It’s to give them that jolt of two very different feelings at the same time. So you’re creating the context…”You’re my sweet innocent little thing, BUT I know you’re my bad naughty little bitch.” I think you should win a Nobel prize for that one. David: That goes back to the fact that women live a life of dichotomy. They live a life of contrast. In their everyday work life out in the real world they’re an educated proper lady. But in the bedroom, because they’re human beings, because they’re female, they want to be ruthlessly expressive animalistic sexual creatures. It’s a life of contrast, and what you do is you bring that contrast out. You highlight that contrast, and that contrast is actually extremely exciting for a woman. It makes both aspects of her life even more exciting. You know a great example of using this is the remote control egg. Guys, you’ve got to go out and get a remote control egg. It’s a radio-controlled vaginal vibrator. You hold the remote. Now you’re not going to do this on a first date. This is the 10th or 12th date, whatever. You’re in a long-term relationship with a woman. You have her wear the vibrator and you hold the remote. You guys go out to dinner. While you’re standing in the lobby waiting for your table --usually when you go out on a Saturday night there’s going to be a wait for your table, it’s the perfect opportunity while everybody’s sitting around waiting for their table in the lobby -- you’re standing here with your arm around your woman, holding her, and you whisper in her ear and you turn on the remote and you say, “Everybody here is looking at you and they think you are such a sweet innocent lady, but I know you’re my naughty little slut.” Grant: And you give a jolt. David: Yup, leave it on while you’re talking dirty to her in her ear, whispering in her ear, and then you turn it off, stand up straight, and “How long is it going to be for that table?”
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Grant: This is great stuff. And clearly by the time dinner’s over and you go home, the sex is going to be better than just sort of standard everyday sex, because it will already be heightened. David: It’s not the idea of going home and having great sex. The idea is you bring sexuality into every aspect of her life, even going out to dinner, while she’s ordering and the very pretty waitress is taking her order. Everything you do, you integrate sexuality into every aspect of her life while still allowing her to have that contrast. That’s what makes women wildly crazy about their man. Grant: That’s a great observation. The way I put it sometimes is that for men sex is sex, and for women often everything but sex is sex. Everything you do, the way you eat together, the way you talk on the phone, every aspect of your life is an opportunity lead her towards the kind of sex that guys actually ultimately want, which is actually sex sex. David: That’s very true. From a man’s perspective, the idea is to go home and have awesome sex, where she’s ruthlessly expressive and does all sorts of fun taboo things. Grant: Now let’s talk about those things, because I know a lot of guys are interested in that.
“The way I put it sometimes is that for men sex is sex, and for women often everything but sex is sex.”
David: Well, that’s what got me interested in it. Grant: You talk about, and you’ve done this, that you can verbally command a woman to have an orgasm and she will have an orgasm. Now I’m assuming this is not something you do in the line at the post office. There’s some build-up here. I would love for you to talk about how to lead up to that and how to have that skill. David: Alright. Do you want me to talk about having her do taboo things, or do you want me to talk about coming on command? Grant: Let’s start with coming on command. David: Coming on command, ok. You pointed out an example in one of my books, and by the way I appreciate, Grant, the homework that you did in preparation for this. I really appreciate that. Grant: Well, I respect my community a lot and your part.
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David: You respect your guests and I appreciate that. And that’s what commands respect, Grant. Now, in getting a woman to come on command, you do it a little step at a time. I’m just telling you about the welcomed method. You’re familiar with a group in San Francisco called The Welcome Consensus? Well, I learned this a few years ago and thought this was really powerful and really works amazing. It’s a way of touching a woman’s clitoris that brings her up really slowly, but feels amazing for a woman. Do a search on the welcomed method. Amazing. Now, what you do is in the bedroom, in an ongoing relationship, it’s not for a one-night stand, but in an ongoing relationship you’re going to go through various techniques. One night will be the welcomed method. What you do with the welcomed method is you bring her up real slow. Now this feels incredible for a woman. She’s never experienced this before and she’s going to be very close to orgasm for a long time. Eventually she’s going to want to come. What you do is tell her, “No, don’t come, not yet. I want you to feel this pleasure” and on and on. Tell her to feel the pleasure, build it up more, feel the pleasure more and more, and she’s going to be begging you to come. Tell her, “No, don’t come,” and build it up more, and then you say, “In a moment, I’m going to make you come. In a moment I’m going to tell you to come now. You will not come until I tell you to come now.” And then you do the ‘yes ladder,’ “Does this feel good? Do you want to come?” You build it up and start stimulating harder and then right before she comes, because you’re always watching your woman very closely at all times, you know this, right before she comes you say, “Come now, hard!” Instantly she comes, harder than she’s ever come in her life. What that does, that associates your voice telling her to come to the most powerful orgasm she’s had in her life, and you’re in. One step at a time, that’s one of the things you do. You do these kind of things, and there are a number of other things, and eventually…well, that’s the really advanced stuff. That’s how you associate yourself to her sexuality. Do not do this for a power trip. Do this because this is what she wants. A woman wants to be responsive to her man. That’s what is sexually exciting to a woman in every aspect, to be responsive to her man. That’s what she dreams about, about having a man that she can be responsive to.
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She doesn’t know that you know what you’re doing in this big picture, but by these actions that you’re going through, she’s finding, “Oh yeah, this is what I’ve always wanted.” She may not be able to articulate it, but she responds to it. She’s being very responsive to you. So you don’t do this for a power trip. You do this because you’re allowing her to live the life she’s always dreamed of living. You’re giving her what she wants. Grant: That’s beautifully stated, once again. Just to review that, there’s a whole process. You talk about “Do you want to come? Don’t come yet,” so there’s already a sense of authority there. David: Let me say something very important about that. It’s not enough to give women orgasms, ok? It’s not enough to give women loud screaming orgasms. It’s just the great name of a book that sells. That’s a prerequisite. I mean you’ve got to get that working. That’s a prerequisite. The idea is that you have everything to say about when she comes, how hard she comes, and how long she comes. That’s what it’s all about. Grant: Again, beautifully stated. You have authority over her orgasm. And one thing you do write about is how to help a woman extend her orgasm once she’s orgasming in ways that other guys just can’t, again with the power of words. I’d love for you to go into that a little bit. David: Now that’s really advanced stuff, but you can extend a woman’s orgasm. If we have time we’ll get to that. I don’t want to fry some minds here. I’ll give you a really good example. I learned this back in 1992 when I was doing my phone sex thing. It was fun making these women come, but how far could I push this? They were having orgasms that would last maybe 20-25 seconds and I was thinking, “How could I make these orgasms last longer?” I know one thing that’s absolutely true about women, a truism about women – they want to come at the same time that their man is coming. That’s like the Holy Grail, the simultaneous orgasm in intercourse. So on the phone, what I would do is when these women would start coming, what I would do is…I’m not going to voice this out…but I voiced it out very vulgar, very realistic, and I would tell her “Oh, I’m about to come. I’m going to come with you. Keep coming! I’m going to come,” and I would push this on for like a minute, telling her that I’m about to come, I want her to come with me, and she’s coming the whole time. Then I very very enthusiastically make like I’m coming, and that adds another 30 seconds. A minute and a half they would come and I could get it to go two minutes by being really enthusiastic. Page 23 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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That’s a quick way to get a woman’s orgasm to extend out to two minutes. In intercourse with her, say when she starts coming, “Oh, baby, I’m going to come, I’m going to come” and keep saying it and then about a minute into it….guys, you have to say all these things while you’re counting seconds off in your head. I know it’s a lot of work. You get her up to a certain point and you don’t have to do that anymore. Then you can go onto the next thing. After she’s coming for a minute, then you either come or make like you’re coming. That extends it at least another half a minute. So that’s one quick easy way to get a woman’s orgasm to extend much farther than she’s ever thought possible. Grant: Yes, and I’d like to just add, by the way, for everyone out there, we’re focusing clearly on the power of words and speech because we are on the telephone at the moment and this is an audio program. David’s work has lots of visuals, lots of touch techniques, that you can really learn just as well from his written stuff, but I really wanted to focus on speech, since this is a speech medium. With that said, the kind of sexual moment that you’re so great about teaching, to lead women into this kind of abandon where they really trust you, where they really give themselves over to your commanding position, is a temporary situation, it’s in the bedroom. I like in your work you also give instruction that if you’re going to bring a woman into that kind of abandon and let her really release what you call her inner slut, that ruthless sexual being, you also have to know how to bring her back out into the living room world so that she’ll trust you, so that this will happen again. David: Yeah, this is a great question that you raised the other day. A lot of guys have that question. “How can I talk dirty to a woman and how can she even face me again? How can she even look at me?” During heightened sexual arousal, as the arousal gets more and more heightened you can get more and more dirty, and then right after she finishes her orgasm, right after she comes, then what you do is you say to her, “Oh baby, I feel so close to you. I just can’t hold you close enough.” What this does is it rewards her for being ruthlessly expressive, it regrounds the relationship that this is all based on, a close emotional relationship, and it regrounds her.
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“What does a woman want more than anything? She wants her man to feel close to www.EroticMastery.com her.”
What does a woman want more than anything? She wants her man to feel close to her. Because she was ‘your slut,’ you feel closer to her. This regrounds the relationship to being a meaningful emotional relationship where you respect her for the unique individual that she is. Grant: We’ve just walked through an entire process. We started out with sort of inner game work and we’ve walked through the moments leading into intimacy. We’ve walked through the beginnings of intimacy, deep intimacy, release and abandon, and now what I call kind of return to safety. I feel like I want a cigarette at the moment, but instead of doing that what I’d really like to do David, if we can take some time, I’d love for people to ask you some questions directly. Is that ok with you? David: Yeah. Let me add to that, I am not a sex therapist, ok? I am not a student of abnormal psychology. I like to take normal mentally-healthy ordinary guys like you and me and make them exceptional. I just wanted to preface that before the questions come in, but I love questions. Grant: The depth of your work is very impressive. The questions can be about talk, they can be about touch, it could be about what we’ve covered so far tonight, or it could be something new along these lines. So what I’ll ask people out on the call to do, and there are a couple hundred of you, is to press 5* if you want to ask a question, and on my screen a little hand will appear as if you’re raising your hand. So if you have a question for David, please press 5* and you will hear that you’re unmuted and then you can go ahead and ask your question. David: While we’re waiting for the questions to come in and while you’re reviewing, were there any points that you wanted to cover that we didn’t touch on? Grant: There are so many points I would love to cover. David: Yeah, we figured that would happen. Grant: Yeah, I think we covered a lot of the basics one. I really wanted to walk through the entire process and have some good examples, and I definitely wanted to give people time to ask what’s important to them, because I really consider this their seminar. So here’s one --
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Caller: This is Tom from Atlanta. Two quick questions. First, where did you get your vocal training? It was obviously very well done. David: Alright, let me answer that. Hi, Tom from Atlanta. Thanks for calling in. You know, when I did that phone sex period in 1992 after my divorce, because it was over the phone, the only thing the woman had to go by was my voice. We all know that women love a deep masculine voice, so what I did is I worked on it. I sang in the shower, I talked to myself while I was driving. That always got interesting looks. I was always pushing my voice lower, lower, and lower, forcing it lower. Eventually it became subconscious. So I worked at it. No, I did not take voice lessons, but I definitely listened to what women would say about my voice and I would make the adjustments accordingly. I don’t think that’s a wimpy thing to do. I think that is simply taking good information, constructive criticism. Caller: Always good to take constructive criticism. Second question is related to kind of the first 15-20 minutes of your talk. You talked a lot about the beginning escalation process and the fact that you have to move in a leading fashion and a very deliberate pace. David: I’m sorry to interrupt, it’s not deliberate, it’s based on the energy that you get from her, the feeling that you get when rapport is getting really good. You have to always be watching your woman very carefully, so I’m not saying it’s deliberate along a specific time line. I’m just saying take it baby steps at a time. You don’t know exactly when you can escalate, but you sense the energy in it. You’re going to be able to do that when you’re in touch with your own energy and you force yourself to be receptive to the energy of a woman, which comes across in her body language, so be very cognizant of her body language. So I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I wanted to say something about that one word you used. Caller: I’m glad you said that, because that sort of gets to the heart of my question, which is that I listened to what you said and it’s interesting. I’m taking dance lessons right now and one of the… David: Oh, right on brother! That’s a great way to meet girls. Caller: No kidding! But it’s kind of interesting that when you’re taking dance lessons, kind of like taking any sort of a physical lesson, like martial arts, you find out that when the instructor’s talking to you, you might think you’re learning but you’re not. You’re actually learning when you’re doing it, when you’re attempting to try it. Page 26 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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The sense I got when you were talking about how you do these escalations early on, I felt like I was being talked to through the dance lesson and I need to maybe hear a little more about what you’re actually saying or how this is actually progressing. I understand it intellectually, but I don’t know that I can make the leap from that intellectual understanding to…. David: Let me interrupt you again, Tom. I’m sorry, but you made a really good point that when you’re listening to your dance instructor, you’re not really learning. You don’t learn until you actually start dancing. That’s exactly what’s happening on this phone call. A lot of guys are listening to a lot of stuff. Grant and I are telling you what you need to learn. You’re learning how to learn. We’re telling you the direction you need to go, the things you need to do, but you’re not going to actually internalize it, you’re not going to learn it until you go out and do it, until you go out and talk to women and you listen to them carefully, or in your relationship with your current girlfriend or wife. Then you try things and you watch carefully. We’re telling you the things that have worked for us and you’re learning how to learn. By actually going and doing these things is when you’re going to learn. Good point! I wrote that down. You don’t mind if I use that sometime later do you? Caller: Not at all, as I get my standard 10% commission we’re fine with that. Grant: I also recommend, by the way, for people who are interested in dance, there’s a site called http://www.DancePartners.com, which from my experience it’s probably about 75% women. It’s a great way to meet women. Tom, thank you very much. I want to see if we can get some more questions in. Who are you and where are you from? Caller: This is Dr. Alex Benzer from Los Angeles, CA. How you doing? Grant: Good. What’s your question? Caller: I have a quick question for David, and that is that you piqued all interest with the welcomed method; however, some of us don’t know what that is so would you be able to share that with us? David: Yeah, absolutely. Hi Alex from LA. It’s a pleasure to be speaking with you. Caller: We’ve met before at various conferences where we were both speaking. Page 27 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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David: Yeah, I know, we met in Montreal this past summer, didn’t we? Caller: That’s correct. David: It’s a pleasure to hear you on the call. Caller: Thank you so much. David: Another thing that Tom mentioned, you know we’re covering a lot of stuff here. Grant and I have been through this stuff, studying this stuff for years, and we’re not going to be able to convey it all in one hour. So excuse us, but we can tell you the kind of direction you need to go in and you’re learning how to learn. We’re giving you some very important sign posts in that area. In that context, the welcomed method is really hard to describe over the phone like Grant said, and that is you need pictures. My Loud Screaming Orgasms has lots of pictures and diagrams, but I can give you the basic idea. What you do is you get yourself some Astroglide, very slippery, very good stuff, it’s available at any drugstore. Don’t use K-Y. Only use Astroglide, very slippery. So you lubricate her clitoris and your finger. Basically you take the very tip of your finger and rub up and down very lightly on the tip of her clitoris. That is very very high level…without going into details of it, because then you try to visualize it, yada yada…but by doing that very lightly right on the tip of her clitoris with the tip of your finger very lightly, do that over enough time and she will be delirious with arousal. Grant: And by the way, that’s called the welcomed method. You can look up the welcomed consensus online. Thanks, Dr. Alex. Who else do we have out there? Caller: This is Mike from New York. Grant: Hey Mike, welcome. Caller: How you doing today? Grant: Great. Caller: Two quick questions. I missed the beginning of the call and just for myself personally, I kind of try little baby steps that I can get, and I think you alluded to these before because you were talking about be in touch with your own energy and be receptive to the energy of the woman.
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You may have already answered my question in terms of my personal baby steps to sort of accelerate getting in touch with it. Do you have any other words of advice in that direction? David: Yeah, to get in touch with your own energy. Let me take that at a very high level. This is a one-hour phone seminar so we can’t go into a lot of the details, but let me talk at a very high level about getting in touch with your energy. That requires believing in yourself. That also requires being realistic. Look at the things that you are in denial of, and that’s one thing I had to do. I looked at myself and said, “Alright, where am I in denial?” See, the idea is to find truth because truth will set you free from self-defeating beliefs, and truth is found in reality. This is critically important. Be honest with reality. View reality honestly. Do not be in denial of some things in reality that will allow your self-defeating beliefs to survive, to be true. Instead, go to reality and change your beliefs to be in touch with the truth that comes from reality. For example, the truth in reality – now you go out there and you look at all the social programming, institutional programming, yada yada – about how women are not sexual creatures, women have to be talked into having sex, on and on. That is not true, because if you look at reality you find that women are sexual all the time. You find in a relationship, “Wow, she got really slutty!” Well, what’s really going on here? You become honest with reality and you become honest with yourself, and pay attention to yourself and your feelings and your denial, and you get to know yourself and your state, your emotional state, on and on, and you get in touch with your energy. That’s a very high-level response to your question. Grant: Let’s give a couple more people a chance to ask a question. We’re going to open it up. David: Can I just add one more thing to that? Grant: Of course. David: If you want to be successful and you don’t know the answer from reality about something, assume something that works for you. If you don’t really know if women like sex or not, assume that they do and then things will start.
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So assume the opposite in the lack of truth from reality, assume beliefs that work for you. And let me say something to what Tom said earlier. Tom mentioned body language and it’s so true that you have to watch a woman’s body language. You also have to work on your own body language. Not only did I work on my voice, but I worked on my body language. I think one of the first books I read after my divorce was about body language. So what I would is I would hallucinate. I would start coming up with beliefs that are self-empowering. One of the things I did was I started hallucinating that while I was walking there were three strings suspending me: one connected to the center of my chest and one connected to each shoulder. As I walked, these strings were pulling me up. They held my chest up high and they held my shoulders back and square and straight. I started hallucinating. I did that enough that it became subconscious and I learned how to walk like a man, walk tall. Grant: Those little changes have a huge impact, I know from experience, little changes. We’re going to talk about that later in this series with Satyen Raja, about body language, so thanks for bringing that up. Is there someone on the line with one more question? Caller: This is Steve from San Francisco. David, I was really fascinated with the quote you had at the beginning of the worksheet, taking responsibility for a woman. I’m going to try to imprint that on my mind. The question that came up in response to that was an experience I had today. Can you say something on the topic of balancing sort of your own life and your own needs with being there for a woman or taking responsibility? It just came to mind because today I had this feeling that I just felt like I really needed to take care of some stuff in my own life, but at the same time I was aware that the woman who’s the object of my affection at the moment was – I kind of felt like I needed to be there for her, too, but I chose to put myself first from experience and it seems to usually work out. But can you say something on that topic? David: Yup, I sure can. There’s going to be times when you’re going to have needs and you need to take care of certain things in your life. There’s going to be times when she’s going to have needs. So you’ve got the choice. You can either attend to what you need to do for yourself. We’re men. There’s always something we have to do. Or you can attend to her needs. If you attend Page 30 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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to her needs at the cost of your own needs, she is momentarily satisfied. But if you do that over a long period of time, she will lose respect for you. If you have things you have to take care of, you must do that. Remember, you have to take care of yourself first. No woman is going to respect you unless you first respect yourself. Your needs come first. Now at the same time you must also be flexible. There are times when it’s a toss. In the long interest of things it would be best to address her needs. Now this brings up another thought I had when you were describing your question, and that is is she a needy person? If she is a needy person, maybe you have to let her go. If she’s not but she happens to have needs and you happen to have a life which is very time-demanding, maybe it’s just not the right match. But as a general rule, you absolutely must take care of yourself before you can take care of her. Grant: I think that’s so essential. The way I understand that is through experience. One of the things that happens if you take too much care of your woman and don’t pay enough attention to yourself, you really depolarize sexually. They can be grateful to you and like you for being so attentive, but it depolarizes you specifically sexually because you’re not standing for your own needs. That’s kind of a deep-level thing and we will be getting into that, by the way, again later in the series. It’s a really crucial lesson. A lot of the guys in this community are great guys and they’re nice guys and they want to be good to their women. A distinction that I think is essential to remain polarized sexually, to really be about your life, and women are often more turned on by that than being over-attentive to them. With that I want to say a few words about David. First of all, thank you for being here tonight. This was fantastic. I knew it would be. I want guys to follow what you have to say as you say it. If they go to http://www.GrantLikes.com/davidshade, they can get onto your newsletter, which is just a wealth of information. I wanted you to say a couple of words about how you handle this newsletter. It’s really very much in a question/answer format. You give great information. Do you want to say a couple words about that? David: You and I were talking about newsletters the other night and we agreed that I share a lot of information in there and I really do. What it does is it sheds light not only on what is possible, but in large part exactly how to do it. Page 31 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
“….to be a masterful www.EroticMastery.com lover is not about experience. It’s about
What it does is it gives guys an opportunity to get to know me, get to know what I’m about, and there’s very informative information of things you can do right away to become a much more effective lover. A lot of it is into techniques and a lot of it is into the very high-level techniques because to be a masterful lover is not about experience. It’s about knowledge and beliefs. So I discuss the correct beliefs to have and share some of the knowledge, knowledge of specific sexual techniques, knowledge about women, and I go into great lengths in that. Some very interesting questions come up and a lot of the questions are probably a similar experience as a lot of guys on this call have had. Grant: Yeah, I’ve learned a lot and gotten to know your philosophy. Like I said, I’ve learned about your other works. You have audio programs, you have books, you have e-books, and I just want to say for a moment, first of all that’s at www.GrantLikes.com. Look for David Shade, he’s right up at the top. There’s still a bunch of guys who have questions. If everyone’s ok with it, I mean if you need to go you can go, but I really do want to give people a chance. David, are you ok to hang in for another ten minutes or so? David: Oh yeah, absolutely. Grant: Let’s do that, let’s take a few more questions. I really want to try to give everyone a chance. Again, press 5* if you have a question and we’ll see who we release here. We have this great software. Caller: Hi, this is Randy from Chicago. Grant: Hi Randy, welcome! Caller: I’ve been in a long-term relationship. I’m married, I’ve been in a relationship for a few years, very excellent. I just want to know how can I incorporate some of this stuff not too drastically. Obviously I don’t want there to be a big huge overnight change. David: Yeah, that’s the first thing I was going to say. Hi, Randy from Chicago. Yeah, not drastically. Then she’ll wonder, “Oh, what the hell happened? Why all of a sudden…?” Yeah, a little slow, a step at a time. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you and steal your thunder there. Continue your question. Caller: I was just wondering some of the steps that you could take to integrate and how to integrate this stuff slowly.
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“She may ask you, after she has a great www.EroticMastery.com time, “Hey, by the way, where did you
David: Ok, I’d start with the welcomed method. She may ask you, after she has a great time, “Hey, by the way, where’d you learn that?” “Oh, a friend at work told me.” Don’t say you saw it on the internet. Say a friend at work told you. “Oh man, my wife loves this. You’ve got to try this on your wife.” So do the welcomed method. Caller: Actually another question I would have is just a general opinion on my voice in terms of what work I could do there as well. David: You seem to be doing fine. Caller: Ok, thank you. David: You know what, your wife is used to your voice. Your voice works for your wife. Do work on the various tonalities in the bedroom. Do you get into dirty talk in the bedroom? Caller: Not really, not really, so maybe that’s one of the first little things I can start on. David: Yeah, slow but sure, a little bit at a time. If you do not talk dirty to your woman, you are depriving her of the full potential of her sexuality. Absolutely get it to that point. Now it may be too late for you. I mean there’s a very very small percentage of women who will not respond to dirty talk for various reasons. Dirty talk will not work on them. It’s extremely rare, but if your wife is that way that’s unfortunate. Caller: What if it’s more with me feeling embarrassed? David: Well, that’s usually why men do not talk dirty because they feel embarrassed. That can mean a number of things. It could mean you’re not comfortable with your sexuality or you’re not comfortable with her sexuality or you’re not comfortable with sexuality getting ruthlessly expressive. If you want her to do wild taboo things with you, you have to get her to be ruthlessly expressive. To get there, one of the things you have to do, and probably the most powerful thing you can do, is talk dirty to her. You have to understand that in the context of heightened sexual arousal in the bedroom, everything you say is taken in a different context. It’s ok to call her your slut. You can’t do that in the living room.
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Now, you’ve got an additional problem. You’ve been married for many years, and I’m happy to hear of a happy marriage, a successful marriage, and I’m happy to hear that you’re learning how to make it even better. That’s great. That’s what you want to do. But, because you’ve been married to her for so long and you haven’t talked dirty, it is going to be a change and she’s going to wonder. So you’re going to have to do it very slowly, very easily. But to release her full potential, you’re going to have to talk dirty. Caller: Alright, thank you. David: Thank you, Randy. Grant: Alright, we’re going to let someone else in. Caller: David, I’ve read a couple of your books, including your Masterful Lover. Everything is fantastic. David: Thank you. What is your name and where are you from? Caller: I’m Scott from Daytona Beach, Florida. David: Hi, Scott in Daytona. Caller: What I wonder with talking dirty, it seems as though like anything else with a woman that you need to be able to calibrate and sort of work off what turns her on. Do you have any suggestions for getting an idea of the kind of dirty talk that would work with her, or do you just sort of do a trial and error? Is it one of those things like anything else you should just start off mild and then get more intense as it goes on over time? David: Yeah, you do trial and error by starting very slowly. You do trial and error by starting very slowly and easily. Caller: What’s an example of you might use a generic starting point for when you start off mild? Is there something that probably would be like a safer level when you’re just getting the feel for it? David: Ok, here’s something. Consider a graph. When a woman is naked in bed, her level of arousal let’s say is the bottom of the graph. When there’s continued stimulation, that graph goes up and up and up until she has an orgasm. Now look along that graph. That’s how you can gauge your dirty talk. As that graph goes up you can get dirtier.
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Now if it’s a woman you’re not familiar with you can use trial and error, especially if you don’t have experience doing dirty talk. Trial and error. You start out easily. Certainly you don’t do this on a first date, ok? This is later in the relationship. That’s another important thing. Don’t try to do all this stuff on a first date, it’ll back fire. Again, you take it a step at a time. With each time you end up going in the bedroom and having sex, you get a little raunchier. But start out easy and you work your way up. Now really easy is, “Oh yeah, baby, it feels good when I do this, doesn’t it?” and you work your way up. So you start by that, and that’s a really good exercise. Say what you know she’s feeling and you get her to answer, “Yes.” Another thing, definitely leverage the concept of naughty. It’s extremely exciting for most women to do something that is naughty. When you put it in the context of naughty, that makes it exciting. One thing you can do is when you’re both naked in the bedroom and you’re masturbating her, you can have her recall a time when she was masturbating. Like “I know last night you rubbed this and this felt really good. Oh yeah, that feels really good, doesn’t it?” and she’ll go along with it and she’ll remember her masturbating last night. As she gets really aroused, you say “Yeah, you were being really naughty and you were masturbating. Oh yeah” – yada yada, on and on. That’s an example of starting off easy with dirty talk. Another thing is sometimes they’ll tell you. The girl that I was dating in college told me, “Every time we do it doggie style, I don’t know why but you know I love horses. Well, every time we do it doggie style I don’t know why but I imagine like we’re horses and we’re doing it.” Ok, so internally she was being animalistic. What she was doing was imagining that she was a horse. So what I did is I leveraged that. Hey, leverage what they give you, right? Use it on them. So while we were doing it doggie style, she’d become very aroused and I’d say, “Yeah, you feel like a horse, you’re doing it like an animal,” and she started making horse noises. But you know what, she got off, man. She had a mindblowing orgasm. So the next time, I said “Oh yeah, you love being a horse. Yeah, whinny like a horse.” They whinny, right? So anyway she started whinnying like a horse and she had a powerful orgasm. Page 35 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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My ex-girlfriend is another example. She was dating one guy who was a real wimp. A real nice guy, a great guy, but uncomfortable in the bedroom talking dirty but she’s a highly sexual creature. They were doing it doggie style and she wanted him to talk dirty. So she said to him, “Oh yeah, fuck your bitch.” He stopped and said, “You’re not a bitch.” She said that was a real boner killer for her. She never called him again. So sometimes they’ll tell you, they’ll tell you what to say. Caller: Alright, thank you. Grant: So you say leverage what they tell you, and you also talk about leveraging taboo. David: Yeah, right, leverage taboo. Leverage naughty, leverage taboo, anything that is taboo and you get her to do, make it naughty. A mutual friend of ours once said that the way to become closer to your woman is through shared taboos. That’s so very very true. To open up her sexuality, what you do is to get her to do taboo things, things that possibly she had never done, but most assuredly she had fantasized about. Well, there’s going to be some things she hadn’t fantasized about, but once you have her do it and she loves it…. So anything taboo, get her to do it, as long as it’s legal and consensual. It’s very powerful. Grant: The first stage is to…what you said is very cool. You talked about sharing taboo, sharing intimacies and telling secrets is a very basic human way of establishing trust.
“Anything taboo, get her to do it, as long as it’s legal and consual. It’s very powerful.”
That’s why we tell each other secrets. It’s a very subconscious way of allowing us to have interaction. It’s a deep psychology, but in this context do you have any specific recommendations on how to get to that conversation? Again, a lot of guys feel a little uncomfortable. David: To get to what conversation? Grant: To have her share her taboo thoughts and fantasies. David: Ok, now when I share taboos I’m saying do them together. If she’s never had anal sex, do that. I describe in my book exactly how to do that such that she Page 36 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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will want to do it and she will have earth-shattering orgasms. So when I say share taboos, I mean do them together. Now shared secrets is another thing. It’s very powerful to leverage. Like you said, it brings people closer together. What I did with my current girlfriend, at the appropriate time in our relationship, there was a Wednesday night where she was going to prepare dinner for me. I was going to go over and have dinner. What I do before each date, I give my woman a little task. Well, not every date but most of them. This keeps her head in the game. That week I gave her the task, “Darling, when I come over Wednesday night,” – I think I told her Sunday night or Monday night to give her a couple days to really brew on it and keep her head in the game – I said, “When I come over Wednesday night I want you to tell me a secret. I don’t care what it is and it’s absolutely safe and secure with me. I will not judge you by it. And when you share that secret with me, I will share a secret with you.” And she said, “Oh, ok” and she brewed on it, I know it. When I came over Wednesday night she served dinner, we had a wonderful dinner, we went and sat on the couch. I said, “Ok, now tell me a secret” and she did. She told me something that she probably only told two or three other people in her life. By doing that, we’ve become even closer, and also it gives me an opportunity to share a secret about me to her. I picked one that would have worked for my long-term interests, of course, and we became even closer. Grant: Beautiful. A little verbal command ahead of time. You can also tell a woman, “I want you to think about this until I get there.” It’s a very nice thing. David: Oh she will, trust me, she will. You can be sure. Grant: Ok, we’ve got a couple more guys, we’re going to open up one more call here. Caller: Hey, this is Mark in Miami. Grant: Hey Mark. Welcome. Caller: Thanks, great material tonight. David spoke a little bit about how to sort of extend an orgasm. One of the most pleasurable things as a guy I think is bringing a woman to multiple orgasms. So I was wondering if you had any – I mean some women don’t know themselves to be multi-orgasmic. I was wondering if that’s a physical limitation or a mental limitation, and if you had any techniques to bring women to that.
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David: Ok, excellent question. Thank you, Mark from Miami. Multiple orgasms. Awesome stuff, man. If you’re with a woman who has not had multiple orgasms and you bring her through that, oh yeah, she’s convinced. Now a lot of women honestly believe that they cannot have multiple orgasms, and a lot of that comes with years of training and years of being with lame lovers. Over the years, when women masturbate they get off and it’s on to the next thing, which could be going to sleep so she can get up to work on time or whatever. Actually, there is no physical constraint to the number of orgasms a woman has. At the time of orgasm, both men and women – now I’m not a scientist or sex therapist, but this is an important point – at the time of orgasm, both men and women secrete prolactin. Prolactin is actually a chemical that women secrete at the time of childbirth to stimulate her breasts to lactate. Now, at the time of orgasm it’s created by both men and women. For most men, it’s a real boner killer. For women it has absolutely no effect. In actuality, with every orgasm a woman becomes even more aroused, even more responsive. Her next orgasm will come even faster. It will be even more powerful. They are the opposite of men physically in that aspect. If a woman says she is not multi-orgasmic, it’s a mental block, and that’s what you have to get past. A lot of this has to do with getting a woman past her own mental blocks, because she doesn’t know this stuff about herself. You do and you have an agenda, but you do not tell her your agenda.
“In actuality, with every orgasm a woman becomes every more aroused, even more responsive.”
You do not tell her that she’s multi-orgasmic or she will mentally resist you and you don’t want that. You want to mentally lead her into an experience that will physically cause it to happen, and then she’s convinced. And what do you do then? After she’s had an orgasm, you simply rest, you hold her and tell her you can’t hold her close enough, blah blah blah, and then you do something else. Let’s say you start rubbing her clitoris. Say “Darn it, I just adore everything about you that defines you as a woman. I just want to rub you. Just relax. Just feel the pleasure.” Remember, do not let her know that you have an agenda. You and I know you have an agenda, but do not tell her that. Instead, you simply do it out of admiration for her. Women love that. Women want to be validated. They want to Page 38 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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feel valued, and you do that by adoring her. For example, just adore touching her. You continue to rub her clitoris, the next thing you know she becomes aroused, no surprise to you. You continue with “Oh baby, just feel the pleasure, feel the pleasure.” Don’t tell her to come because she will mentally object, but she will have increased arousal and then orgasm. Ta da! Again, hold her very closely. Tell her you can’t hold her close enough. Grant: Beautiful. And I also want to add something if I can chime in here. A lot of guys again get caught up on performance, because that’s what guys are about in our lives in general. Some women will come in succession seconds apart. Some may be once a minute for 10-15 minutes, and some will roll through highs and lows like a roller coaster. You could even call it an extended orgasm that could go on for a very very long time. So I want to pull away from that kind of performance of “I need to get this result” mentality, because again I think it’s destructive. I think every woman’s a little different and the flavor of their multiple orgasms is going to be different. Is that right, David? Do you agree with that? David: Ok, let me take it from a different angle, and that is you can have a woman experience all of those that you mentioned. Again, it’s not that you give her orgasms, it’s that you have a lot to say about when, how hard, and how long she comes. What you do is you control that. Now in light of the fact that each woman is individually slightly different and you take that into consideration, you leverage that. You leverage those things, but give her all of those experiences and you can cause them to happen. Yes, it’s all about performance. It’s not about having an erection at the right time or the right amount of time. Men have many appendages and, remember, your most important tool is your voice. It doesn’t take your tool to cause these things to happen, though you do want to incorporate that on occasion, during certain times during the activity in the bedroom. But you have many appendages and your voice is the most powerful. Create those situations. Make all of those things her reality where you lead her through all of these powerful experiences and, yes, it is about performance. You are responsible for all those things. That makes you leading in the bedroom. But at the same time you’re flexible. At times she is going to want to lead. Let her do that. At times some things are going to work and others aren’t. Every woman is slightly different. Page 39 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Of course, you’re always watching very closely. You’re always in touch with where she is and you bring her through these things. Yes, you do have to accomplish certain things before you go to the next one. And that touches on something that you mentioned earlier in my introduction. You said that a lot of the guys you talk with are spiritual and I have a great deal of respect for that. They are brilliant men who’ve done very serious study and who’ve taught us things that are extremely valuable. I’d like to say that I am practical. I have a great deal of respect for spirituality. I like to think I’m a spiritual person and I can tell you some really bizarre stories about energy, some really funky stuff. But I stay practical, I stay in the realm of reality. With reality and self-enabling beliefs and knowledge, you can make all this happen. Now it is true that you can go to the really advanced stuff with energy and spirituality. But then again, that is a matter of performing certain rituals with certain specific outcomes, which you could say is performance. But again, I don’t like the term performance because that leads to – you know guys, we’ve all had those moments where it just is not standing up to the job. That happens on occasion, so don’t make a big deal about it. Having performance problems has to do with worrying about performance. Don’t worry about yourself. Instead, concern yourself with what she’s feeling and you’ll find that in a really deep emotional relationship where you’re truly in touch with her level of arousal, and you’re emotionally in touch with her, the funny thing is all things tend to work properly. The reason is because your erection, your orgasm, and all your sexual responsiveness is completely and absolutely controlled by your subconscious mind. If your subconscious mind is healthy, if it’s in tune, if it does not have incongruencies, if it does not have internal conflicts, the rest will follow, assuming you’re physically healthy. Grant: Again, beautifully stated. I wanted to make a distinction. With performance I wasn’t just talking about erection. Performance, when I talked about that, is guys who are thinking about “Am I getting the response I set out to get?” It takes them away from the excellent point you just made. If you stay focused on her pleasure, everything follows naturally, rather than thinking about “Am I getting the response out of her that I read about in such and such a book?” David: You know, you mentioned that in an email to me and that’s very true. Guys get very frustrated when, “Damn it, why isn’t she having vaginal orgasms? She has all sorts of clitoral orgasms and when we have intercourse I have to rub Page 40 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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her clit in order that she can have an orgasm. Why am I failing? Why am I not able to give her a vaginal orgasm?” It could be one of many reasons. It could very well be that she’s just a difficult case. A mutual friend of ours once said, “Women become clitorally dependent through years of diligent practice. Getting them to have a vaginal orgasm is very difficult for them.” I’ve had that frustration. In fact, my current girlfriend, I had that frustration with her. I’m David Shade, man! I tried every trick in the book! It got to the point where I was ready to let her go. That’s the kind of thing I did in my early 20’s. If they didn’t have orgasms I’d just dump them. But I tried everything. Ok, I did one more thing and finally got it to work. It’s frustrating, it really is frustrating. It’s always going to test your self belief. It’s always going to give you self-doubt. Some women are particularly different. You know what, it might not be anything you’re doing. I found out that the reason it wasn’t working for her was because of a certain component of stress in her life. Once that was released, bam, she became multi-orgasmic. So there could be one of many reasons and it might not have to do with you. It could be that she got raped and she didn’t tell you about it. It could be all sorts of things. It could be that she for many years was a technical virgin, meaning that she could have oral sex, digital sex, but no intercourse. If she had intercourse then she wouldn’t be a virgin anymore. Well, finally after many years she gives that up, but all those years of training…”Touch clit, good. Put penis in vagina, bad.” So of course the vagina is not going to be responsive. I started figuring out how to make women vaginally orgasmic by chance. Back in 1993 I was dating a young woman who had never had an orgasm. When we were together I rubbed this, I rubbed that, I rubbed all these different things and it wasn’t causing her to have an orgasm. Well, one day I just decided, “Well, I’ll just try..” – I had tried the G spot and that’s not working – so I slid my finger in even farther and rubbed really deep with my middle finger along the front of her vagina. All of a sudden she powerfully responded. So I continued doing that and she had an orgasm. So all the things I’d read in those books didn’t help me. Trying something new did. So be available to try new stuff that you haven’t tried before. It may work on her. So it may not be you. Do not let it devastate you.
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“Your masculinity, your definition as a man, has absolutely nothing to dowww.EroticMastery.com with how many orgasms you
Your masculinity, your definition as a man has absolutely nothing to do with how many orgasms you give a woman. It has absolutely nothing to do with the size of your erection. It has everything to do with what you think of yourself. Given that, you can go anywhere. Grant: David, this is gold. I can’t really thank you enough. We have two more quick questions and I don’t want to impose on your time. David: Oh, it’s my pleasure. By the way, I want to thank you for this opportunity. I love talking about this and I love answering questions from guys. I can’t have enough questions, man. Grant: I’m digging this so deeply. Let’s see if we can bring on two quick questions and quick answers. I’m sure some people need to go to sleep, but who do we have now? Caller: Hi, Tom from Flagstaff. Grant: Hey, Tom. Welcome. Caller: Thank you. You mentioned bringing sexuality into her life, into the fabric of her life, and you gave the example of the remote vibrator. I’m just wondering if you could provide a few more examples. That would really help me generalize the concept. David: Hi Tom in Flagstaff. Ok, bringing sexuality into her life, such as the remote control egg. Tell me about yourself. Are you married or are you in a longterm relationship, or are you going from flower to flower? What’s going on in your life right now? Caller: I was married and I’m divorced and starting over. David: Welcome to the club, man. Grant and I know all about that. You know, you start from the bottom and you work your way up. How old are you, Tom? Caller: 39. David: Ok. I was 36 when I got divorced, so I know all about that. You probably think that young women are not attracted to you. I know I felt that, and I also felt that I was used up, I was just garbage on the heap and no woman would want me. But you know what, I started going to night clubs and young women responded to me. Holy shit! This was completely contrary to what I believed and I started reworking my beliefs.
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So I’m sure you feel very devastated. I know I did and I know Grant did. So you go through a period of that. You’ll eventually get past that, and then you’ll realize, “Holy shit, I’ve been missing out on a lot of fun.” Let me get your question. How to incorporate sexuality. Man, at this early stage without a single long-term relationship, you’re out there getting to know women. I would start with the easy stuff like the deep spot or the welcomed method. You know, one challenge I found, I went to the night clubs and I found out the young women would respond to me and I’d get them home and they weren’t having orgasms. I thought, “Wow, what’s going on here? Did I lose it?” and also they were definitely not responding to me making love to them like I did my wife. It worked for my wife, but not on them. So I spent a lot of time understanding “Why are all these young women so different? Why is it so difficult to give them orgasms?” yada yada. So learn from these experiences. A great place to go is the internet, online dating, because what you do there is you find out – by the way, Grant is great with teaching you how to do that – and you find out right away that she also is divorced in a similar situation and you can really leverage that, the commonality. When you leverage the commonality, build rapport, and then get together and talk to her – again, slowly, gentlemanly escalate things, slowly lead her, and learn from the experiences. When you’re in the bedroom, try all these different techniques. Don’t be in such a hurry to get to intercourse. Try the deep spot, try the welcomed method, try just rubbing her clit with your finger, various things like that and learn from experience. You’ll find that different women vary quite a bit in the level of their responsiveness. You’re also going to learn what kind of woman you want to have. After I got divorced I had no idea. Well, I did know some things I didn’t want, but I needed to build a list of what I do want, and that’s an important thing to build and work on shortly after a divorce. Did I answer your question or did you want me to be more specific about something? Caller: Well, you gave me a lot of stuff to look forward to. David: You’re learning how to learn, Tom!
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Caller: Yeah, it’s great. I’m also learning dance. You get to a point where you’re kind of overloaded with information and you’ve got to put it in a body. David: Yeah, that’s very true. You internalize things one at a time. Grant and I are throwing a lot of stuff out here to show you some signposts you need to go by and kind of the route you need to take. But I think it was Scott in Daytona who said you’re not going to learn until you do that. No, it was Tom in Atlanta who said that. You’re not going to learn until you actually do it. So true. Have fun with those dance classes. That’s a hot bed for women. Walking into dance class you’re already accepted. Thanks for your excellent question, Tom. Grant: Alright, we’ve got one last call. I’m going to remind everyone to get onto David’s email list. Go to www.GrantLikes.com and David Shade is right at the top. We’re going to take one more call and then we’re going to do a little bit of business and who is our last questioner? Caller: Hello, I’m Jimmy from south Florida. Grant: I feel like a radio hot. “Hey, Jimmy, what do you have for our special guest?” [laughing] Caller: Right, exactly. “You win a trip to….” Grant: Alright. You had a question? Caller: Yes, the question was I think in terms of permission, even though for me what works is like at a certain point I’ll become comfortable with something. Like for example I’ve learned, and I’ve tried this a few times when I’m talking with a woman on the phone. I might say something like, “When we hang up I’m going to thoroughly enjoy you” or “I plan to have sex with you anyway,” and 9 times out of 10 I’ve learned that they would want to stay on the phone and listen. I gave myself permission to just…it doesn’t bother me to say that, whereas when I originally would think of saying something like that I probably wouldn’t. So I wanted to ask you, what are some things that we have permission that women will respond – you know, some actual examples? David: Can you please restate the example? What did you say to her on the phone?
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Caller: When we’re on the phone, as we’re getting ready to leave I’ll say something like “I plan to thoroughly enjoy you when we hang up,” meaning I’m going to masturbate. I don’t say it like that, or I might say “I’m going to have my way with you, I’m going to make love to you when we hang up.” But the point is, I’m comfortable with that now but I wasn’t at one point. What are some examples that we could give ourselves permission or places to go, or do we just… David: Well, let me ask you this. What do you go through to give yourself permission to say to her, “After we hang up, I’m going to thoroughly enjoy you.” Caller: Well, it happened once and then I tried again. But after awhile it’s easy for me to do now because I’ve given myself permission. What I’m asking you is what are some things, just practical things, that we might not – like some of the things I heard you say did challenge that and I said, “Oh great, I’ll start trying that.” What are some practical things you might say to a woman to arouse her, to get her moving in that direction early on? David: I think that you have articulated an outstanding example. That’s another thing I teach is let your woman know how much she turns you on. At appropriate times let her know that you’re going to, or you have, masturbated while thinking about her. That’s extremely powerful.
“That’s another thing I teach is let your woman know how much she turns you on.”
You got it from the fact that you knew that after you talked to her on the phone you were so turned on about her that you were going to masturbate. What you did is you gave yourself permission to be bold with her about that, to discuss this concept of your sexuality, and you go the idea from reality. You got the idea from what really happened to you. So as a result of your getting in touch with yourself, you’re allowing yourself to be honest with her about your sexuality. In the context of your sexuality with her, it was very exciting for her. So you did exactly what I would have recommended. Caller: Yeah, I was asking for like just a specific example that you might – David: Alright, so you’re looking for some new stuff to do? Page 45 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Caller: Yeah, exactly, that are just things that you’ve tried and that have worked really well for you, because I’ve also learned that most women want to go there but I’m in the dark. I’m thinking, “Well, they do want to go there. I just don’t know how and what to say.” That’s just one thing I learned, but I could use 100 things. So just a couple of things that work really well for you. David: I’ve written books on this subject and we can go one of two ways. I can give you a good example, or what I’d like to do is if you would articulate a particular situation then I would tell you what to say in that situation. Can you think of anything specific that you would’ve liked to have done at a certain time. If you can, I’ll just come up with an example. Caller: Well, like early on in a relationship when you’re not sure. You know you’d like it to be moved into that realm and, of course, you’re sitting with them and you might be trading innuendos or whatever, but it never quite makes it across obviously sexual. How do you make that transition? David: Are you talking about before you and her have actually gone into the bedroom and gotten naked? Caller: That’s right. David: Oh, I can’t help you there. That’s seduction and other people specialize in that. Grant: If you email me at
[email protected] I could certainly lead you to some great people for that. Thanks again for that question. David, thank you so much for hanging in. This was a great experience. I want to remind everybody to go back to those four questions that we started with, because it’s one thing to talk and it’s another thing to take action. In between that is to really write down and know what you’ve learned. So if you go to www.EroticMastery.com/members, you will find those four questions. It’s a feedback link for us. Again that’s www.EroticMastery.com/members. Again the password for tonight is ‘command.’ Those four questions are there: •
The single most important thing you’ve learned.
•
The one shift you’re going to make in your life as a result of tonight’s seminar.
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•
What did we discuss tonight that you want more of in this seminar series, because we have a lot coming. Again, I try to deliver the value that you guys want.
•
What would you say to someone who is on the fence about how this can affect their life?
So if you go there that would be great, and then I have kind of another surprise, which is we started a blog here. It’s at www.GrantAdamsTraining.com. While I was listening I typed some of my thoughts about what I learned from David once again tonight. David, I can tell you I’ve learned so much. If you guys go to www.GrantAdamsTraining.com, you’ll find my comments. What I want to recommend is that, guys, if you have ideas building off what David said, if you have some different techniques or other things that you’ve said to women that has really worked, please post it. We’re a lot of smart guys here and the more we share our ideas the better. So finally, again I want to recommend that everyone gets on David’s newsletter. I’m sure everyone here tonight is going to.
“We’re a lot of smart guys here and the more we share our ideas the better.”
You can find that at www.GrantLikes.com/davidshade. You’ll see it, it’s right at the top of the page. Then David, is there anything else you want to add before I go out and try what I learned tonight from you? David: I just want to thank you, Grant, for the opportunity to talk to your friends. I want to thank everybody on the phone for making the effort to come on this call. I’m very honored and complimented by the turnout. Thank you all. Grant: It’s great. You obviously deliver a lot of value. I want to also compliment and honor everyone for taking their time and making the investment in themselves. This is great stuff. It’s stuff I certainly always wish I knew when I was younger. David, thank you so much. I’ll be talking to you soon. Thanks everybody.
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The Grant Adams Trainings
Erotic Mastery Teleseminar Transcript Session 2 Neo Young Mental, Vocal and Physical Foreplay
Limits of Liability & Disclaimer of Warranty This document is for entertainment purposes only. The author, publisher, and participatings are giving no specific instruction or medical, psychological, or behavioral advice. No one connected with this document is a doctor, attorney, or mental health professional. Before engaging in any activity that is risky to yourself or another person, please consult an appropriate professional for advice. The author and publisher of this ebook and the associated materials have used their best efforts in preparing this material. The author and publisher make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this material. They disclaim any warranties expressed or implied, merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable for any loss or other damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. This material contains elements protected under International and Federal Copywright laws and treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.
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Transcript Grant Adams: Hey everybody, this is Grant Adams. Welcome to another edition of Erotic Mastery. I hope you’ve all had a good week to put this information to use. I’ve gotten some great emails from some of you guys, including my favorite one where he tried some of the techniques and found a note on his door in the morning from a neighbor asking them to be considerate of their neighbors that night. Always good to know we have such instant feedback. Tonight we have another very special guest and a very very close friend of mine. I’m going to give you two quotes of his just to get started. One I sent you earlier today. It says, “If you follow this one exercise, then your whole body will begin to feel orgasmic pleasure, your whole body becomes as sensitive as your penis, and then you can pleasure her with your entire body.” That’s Quote 1. Quote 2 says, “Don’t deprive her of the gift of your mindblowing pleasure,” which is an entirely mindset to approach a woman.
“Don’t deprive her of the gift of your mindblowing pleasure."
So Neo, are you out there? Neo: Yeah. Grant: Welcome. Neo: What’s up? Grant: A lot, by the time the call is over. Now just for everyone out there, just a reminder, I’m going to ask four questions to sort of focus your thinking. Again, the purpose of these calls and these seminars is not just to have interesting conversation, but to walk away with real usable techniques and real usable attitude shifts and real usable actions. So the questions I always ask: •
What’s one shift you’re going to make in your life as a result of the seminar?
•
What was touched on tonight that you want to learn more about? That’s also really important for the calls that are coming.
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•
What would you say to someone who’s on the fence about taking their life into their hands and learning new skills, but haven’t made that decision?
•
Why is this valuable?
I mean it’s funny, guys are very eager to improve their skills in all kinds of things, except for this one thing, which can actually lead to more happiness than almost any other skill, except if you’re really good with the Wi, for those of you who have one. Now at the end of the call we’ll bring up those questions again. For those of you who want to, if you go to www.EroticMastery.com/members, there’s the handsout worksheet which gives you a little structure for the call. Neo and I obviously have talked a lot and we’ve talked about what we’d like to cover in this call, so it might give you a little structure. The password this week is trust. One final note before we get started, again we’re not psychologists, we’re not licensed mental health professionals, so before engaging in any activity please consult an appropriate professional for advice. Grant Adams, N2B Partners, Neo Young and its principals are in no way responsible for your behavior. If this is not ok with you, then you should not listen any further. If it is ok with you, then we can get right into it. Ready to go, Neo? Neo: Yup. Grant:Alright my man, here we go. Now I have to say that of anyone I know, there’s something about you that just exudes happiness. You just freakin’ walk around and there’s a smile on your face. You don’t look dopey at all. Even when you’re not smiling, there’s something that comes off you that’s really happy. I was initially attracted – well, I wasn’t attracted to you, I was attracted to the girl you were with. We were at a conference in the financial realm and of course I spotted her and then you tottled over and we all became friends, and I’m really glad about that. One of the cool things about you is that – and again, this is kind of hard to explain but women get this more than men – but there’s a bodily feeling of joy that you carry as you go through the day. What I didn’t know about you when I met you is that you really started in a place of suffering. And the suffering was around sexuality, so I would love for you to share that with guys because I think it’s an amazing story. Page 50 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Neo: Yeah, one of the reasons I’m so passionate about this work is that I was a fat kid with three rolls of fat around me. English was a second language. I couldn’t get a prom date all through high school. I was a virgin throughout college, and I still remember the day where I prayed to God that I wouldn’t die a virgin.
"…you really started in a place of suffering…and the suffering was around sexuality."
I know what it’s like to really want to be with women and have no clue where to even start. So I have since dedicated myself to the art of attracting, connecting, pleasuring, and communing with women. I’m lucky to be in a sensual community where I get to explore and practice a lot. Grant:By the way, I’m going to stop you right there, because a lot of guys – I didn’t know what this was before I met you. So I want you to say something about what is a sensual community, and that’s going to lead into discussion of how you made choices to educate yourself and to really perfect your skills with different resources. So first of all, what’s a sensual community? Neo: Ok. Well, actually the community was found upon the premise where we all want to relate to each other with authenticity, presence, and truth. Out of that there is a 10% aspect of the community that explores and delves into sensuality and sexuality. So we have a lot of different gatherings. We throw parties in the city, San Francisco, huge parties, love parades where we have sound systems on the floats, and we throw sensual parties where 20, 50, 100, or 200 people get together just to explore our sensuality and sexuality. Grant:Now I’m guessing that most people on this call are thinking this sounds like an orgy. Is that what it is? Neo: Well, yes, partially it is. One of the beautiful things that I adore about my community is that we do it with pizzazz and we do it with a lot of consciousness. So we’ll have ceremonies that set the energy beforehand. We’ll have strict guidelines and rules of how to respectfully approach a woman. We’ll have guidelines for women where they can wear a band and that means that they do not want to be approached and she can still observe and approach. The ceremonies are really powerful. We’ll have tantric ceremonies where you’re guided to look deeply into the eyes of the woman that you brought for 10 minutes, 15 minutes, breathing with her, specific exercises on touching. Page 51 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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It sets the energy differently than an orgy, where you’re going in and you’re hunting for meat, you know. It just takes it up another notch. I love the quality of the people that… Grant:I just want to comment on the interesting use of that phrase, about taking it up another notch. But go ahead. Neo: Did you want to comment? Grant:No, that was the comment. It’s an interesting turn of phrase in this context. Take it up as many notches as possible. Neo: One of my dear friends, Gillian, you’re going to be interviewing her, right? Grant:In fact, yes. I’m going to announce that now. We’re going to do a bonus interview. Most guys who have done teleseminar series with me before know that I try to throw in as many extra interviews as possible. We will be interviewing Gillian and she throws the play parties and she’ll be talking about how to do that, etc etc. Neo: Etiquette. Grant:Etiquette…and it’s interesting, because a lot of what you’re already saying really kind of leads into what you have to say as a general message and part of your book, which everything really is based on trust and safety. You don’t get anywhere deep without those things. You said something else interesting to me the other day. You said there were these stages. The first is know what you don’t know. One thing I love about you is that you’ve got a great mathematical mind, in addition to other things. I want to point out that Neo, you were a football player, you’re successful – it’s not like you didn’t feel success in your life. It’s just that you just couldn’t figure out women. There’s an interesting parallel to Neil Strauss, who wrote The Game, that he also had the rest of his life kind of figured out, but he couldn’t figure out women. Both of you just really applied your excellent minds to figuring this stuff out.
"First you have to know what you don’t know."
I love the methodical nature of your mind. You ran me through this list the other day about first you have to know what you don’t know. Do you remember this list?
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Neo: Yeah, it’s basically the four stages of learning. It’s a really cool model. You start with what’s known as unconscious incompetence. That means you don’t even know what you don’t know. Then you move into conscious incompetence, where you know what you don’t know. Then as you learn you move into conscious competence, where you’re now consciously practicing putting into effect in this case sensual sexual techniques, how you connect deeply with women, how you amp yourself up in your attraction, how you take them to what I call the divine or the kind of feminine flowing goddess energy that’s inside them. The last stage is unconscious competence, where you have so mastered the techniques that they are no longer techniques. They are an art. They’re a part of you, like every aspect of your movements, thoughts, internal dialogue, external being breathes this art. So those are the four stages. Grant:That’s beautifully said. In that last stage it’s very much like the scaffolding being pulled away from a building and the building stands on its own and suddenly doesn’t need the scaffolding. I wanted you to go through that because I love the step-by-step approach you take. We’re going to walk through the steps that you’ve laid out in your Complete Lover System, attraction, connection, and communion. But before we do that there’s another concept I really want to hit. Obviously I’ve studied your work. I love your sense of humility. A lot of guys who want to be great lovers think they have to wear a cape or they have to really pound on a woman or they have to own a woman and be very possessive. Those things all do come into play, and I use the word play importantly here, but there’s a genuine humility toward learning and toward growing that takes away some of that almost panic that I think a lot of guys bring to sex. They just really want to be that amazing lover and they think if they just try harder, if they work harder, that it’ll get them there. So I wanted you to say something about the mindset of being a complete lover as an evolving art. That’s a great phrase.
"There’s a genuine humility toward learning...that takes away that almost panic that a lot of guys bring to sex."
Neo: Sensuality and sexuality is going to be a lifelong pursuit for me, bottom Page 53 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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line, because there are infinite intricacies within the art of sensuality. The last stage is communion. Communion is co-creation where the two of you, you and your lover, are so merged that you become one. In that oneness you take your energy to the divine. There’s no limit to how much possibly you could know the force that courses through you. I’m actually a very practical spiritualist. That means if I cannot apply – if she’s not having bigger, better, deeper, more intense orgasms through my spirituality, then it’s not true spirituality. Through all the stages, each stage has its own three phases. So through each of the stages and phases there’s got to be progressive, clear, measurable results where you can gauge your progress. I believe that concepts are incredible, but without putting them into practice it doesn’t do anybody any good. Yeah, have a beginner’s mind. The metaphor I like to use is if Picasso was still alive today he would continue to break through artistic barriers of creativity. You don’t stop painting. Michael Jordan doesn’t stop crafting his skills in basketball just because you’re good. You always look for that part in yourself which can expand even more. That’s one of the incredible keys that you guys can get that will serve you for the rest of your life, that have an open mind and really in sensuality and sexuality if you are truly connected to your woman, you’ll have all the time in the world to learn what she likes and hone your skills. It’s only when you’re too anxious and trying to get in for the quickie and sometimes coming from – I know I’ve had this – a lack mentality where it’s like, “Oh, if I don’t get laid now, if I don’t grab her now, I’ll never get it.” Rather than, “Oh, I am going to be a gift to this woman in what I bring out in her, in how I uplift her, in the gifts that I can share with her. Regardless of what happens we’re going to have an incredible time and we’re both going to get to really explore.” So coming from the mentality where it’s a co-creation. Women do love sex, just know that. You just have to know how to properly coax that sexual beast, so to speak, or angel out of her. Grant:Nicely put. I like that. There’s two comments I’d like to add on to that. One is your stance of giving rather than receiving, which we will definitely be talking about during this seminar.
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I talk a lot, particularly in my Complete Attractor program, about coming from the stance of giving. You can never lose when you’re in a stance of masculine giving, and women certainly feel that. If you give your best, whether she responds or not, you’ve given your best. You can die happy tonight is what that comes down to. The other thing I wanted to pick up on, and this is crucial, that when you talk about women it’s always – I can feel your adoration and your care. When you just said bring out the sexual beast/angel, not only by the way does that heighten a woman’s sexuality when you can speak to both of those at the same time, there’s a sense of a continuum that you bring to the whole sexual process. From the very beginning, from the first attraction phases, you are already thinking, “How can I bring this woman pleasure?” or as you said, “Don’t deprive her of the gift of mind-blowing pleasure.” One of the things I’m going to focus on all this seminar is how you bring this mindset right from the beginning, that her amazing mind-blowing orgasm is already in your mind it seems when you first meet somebody. Is that true? Neo: Yeah. I’d say that in the beginning – well, here’s a paradox. As you practice you get better and then you get more confident in knowing that you can take a woman to places that she perhaps has never experienced. Yet it’s like how do you first get to practice that, right? So if I were to start over, I would start working with three keys that really tie most great lovers together. 1. We pay extremely close attention. 2. We take our time. 3. We put her pleasure before our own. Especially if it’s a new woman that you’re with, as a rule I would give her one, two, or three orgasms before she even sees my penis and have that mindset, where you have all the time in the world. They did a study where most women, if they had more than 23 minutes of foreplay, can reach orgasm. So really even if you guys knew like nothing about sexuality, if you just took your time to touch her, to connect with her, and to pleasure her, you’re doing great. I know that sometimes I’ll worry about like how big my penis is, whether I’ll stay hard, how much I will fulfill her.
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Just know that your finger’s always hard. A lot of guys will be worrying about like whether they’ll be like up for the challenge. Just remember your finger is always hard. You can always give a woman an orgasm with your finger. Grant:I am putting “Your finger is always hard” on a bumper sticker. I love that. My new slogan. [laughing] Neo: I think a lot of women would be happy. Grant:That’s true. When you say take your time, it’s not like we never heard this from women, like this should be a surprise to anybody. But sometimes we need reminders for what’s really most important.
"Just remember, your finger is always hard."
Neo: Yeah. And it’s not like – yes, I have reached a certain level in terms of my knowledge and practice sensually and sexually, but sometimes I get nervous. Can you guys imagine like going into a room of 200 people who are naked, licking, sucking, fucking, and you know, regardless of who you are, there’s some performance anxiety. But it’s like that’s when I remember, “Hey, my finger is always hard.” [laughing] You guys are going to remember that now. Grant:Yeah, Neo Hardfinger, we’re going to call you that. That’s your new Indian name. Neo: Yeah, and actually I’ll comment on -- David Shade mentioned the Welcomed Method. It’s also known as a due date or oming. Morehouse really took it to another level. Grant:Let’s say something about that for a second, because there were some questions last time. This is another skill set that you just went and acquired. There’s an organization, I know at least one in San Francisco where you are, One Taste… Neo: Yup. One of my good friends, Robert Kendall, owns One Taste. Basically they practice orgasmic meditation, otherwise known as oming. This is the fine art of eliciting an orgasm from a woman just with your forefinger. This is actually a practice with us. For awhile I’d wake up at 5:30 in the morning. They start at 7. Basically you go and practice giving women orgasms just by pleasuring her clit. Grant:Is this someone you know? Neo: What do you mean someone I know? Page 56 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:Someone you’re in a relationship with? Neo: Robert? Grant:No, no, not Robert. Robert can take care of his own clit. [laughing] I love this by the way, and the reason I’m asking you – I know the answer, but I want everyone to hear this because it blew me away when I first learned about it. These are not women that you’re necessarily in a relationship with. Neo: No, they’re not. And that was actually hard for me in the beginning, because I know that giving women orgasms is just the tip of the iceberg. So to the extent that you can pleasure her, not just physically but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, is the extent to which she opens up to you, she surrenders to you, and the quality of her orgasm and the depth and the explosiveness of her orgasm expands. So in the beginning I resisted this a bit because, you know, this is just practicing the physical part. I didn’t know the women and I really wanted to connect with them a lot more. But after I got over my resistance it was amazing, because I could look at it as a martial arts kada and basically go and get adjusted feedback from different kinds of women. The learning was incredible. Just to know that every woman’s clit is so different. So some of the details of that are basically the positioning is where the woman is lying down with her legs up. You have your right leg usually underneath her leg and the other leg over the top of her. You’re using your left index finger to access her clit, while your right thumb is pressed against her entroitus or her yoni, which grounds her energy. Grant:You have to explain what a yoni is and what that term is. Neo: Yoni is an Indian term for the vagina. Lingam and yoni, it’s a tantric term. So basically you are taking your time. These sessions are timed at 15 minute increments so there’s a structured feedback period where she can tell you what worked, what didn’t work, and during it she’ll tell you “lighter,” “more to the side,” and the clit is a small thing. But through experience they’ve shown that the 1 o’clock – if you look at the clit – is the most sensitive. Most women that I’ve experienced usually like an upstroke that’s going into the clit a little bit. So basically you’re taking 15 minutes to just experiment with how you touch her clit. Really if you guys are in a relationship right now, I don’t think your woman, Page 57 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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your lover, your girlfriend, or your wife would mind if you said to her, “You know honey, you know darling, I would love to just pleasure you for half an hour and really get what you like.” I don’t think any of them would have an objection to that. [laughing] So do it! Take the time to do it, because every woman has her own pleasure code. That’s why one of the things that ties great lovers together is how much you pay attention. So how much you pay attention is where you find out her pleasure code, where you’re finding out the combination of rhythm, of location, of how you touch, the speed, that really gets her off. Basically if you just really take your time and be there and actually feel into – don’t have it be a performance thing for you. Be where you’re noticing where she gets the most pleasure, where her body shivers just slightly, where she gasps at one way that you’re touching her or location. Explore the clit this way. I would say always start super light. Most women like it much lighter than you think. There are women that I’ve practiced with that I could just keep my forefinger and not really move it at all and just lift it slightly, and the stickness of the clitoris as I lift it will make her go crazy. That’s how little I’m moving it.
"How much you pay attention is where you find out her pleasure code…the right combination that really gets her off."
So if you guys haven’t practiced this, I would practice moving your forefinger 1 mm over 30 seconds. That’s how slow you want to move your forefinger, just as a practice. You can always move faster, you can always go harder, but most men don’t play with the sensitivity of how light can you go, how delicate can you go. You always want to build it up, you want to build it up and gauge whether she’s ready or not. Grant:Beautiful. Thank you. One question about that, in terms of lubricants. What do you say about that, because that’s a big issue. Because you can touch very lightly and if you’re using Astroglide or something it’s a huge difference than if you’re not. Neo: Definitely use lube, but use her juices. If you’re in the heat of it, just use your saliva, but if you’re actually setting aside time use lube. Grant:Yeah, if you’re doing it as a practice I recommend it. Page 58 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Neo: And once again, a lot of guys get caught up in what I would consider the ‘what’ of sexual practice and not the ‘how.’ There aren’t that many ‘what’s’ – like you pleasure her clit, you pleasure her G spot, you pleasure her deep spot or cervix, you pleasure her anus, and there’s intercourse. That’s the ‘what.’ The ‘how’ you do it, how you approach these is the difference that makes the difference. I like to give sports metaphors, where in basketball there’s dribbling the ball, there’s passing the ball, there’s shooting the ball. That’s the what. The ‘how’ is infinite. So just know that don’t get too caught up in the ‘what.’ Rather, take your time, pay attention, put her pleasure before yours, and explore the ‘how’ of the ‘what’ with her and just be sensitive to how she responds. Grant:Most guys, during that process – because it is a practice, and you brought up a great analogy, which is doing a karate kada, which is just a series of movements that are derived from fighting but aren’t fighting, they’re the practice to get your motions down – a lot of guys might just drift. They’ll wonder “How am I doing?” and immediately their mind will come back to themselves, so it’s a practice to constantly put your mind back on how is she feeling, how is she reacting, and paying attention to her. Neo: Yeah, and one of the things, when you’re practicing a technique you can be very much in your mind, right? As I went through the learning stages before, yes, it’s very important to consciously learn the techniques. How many romance novels are sold is a clue to what women really want. So basically if you put all the categories of books together bought by men and women, so you take automobiles, computing, finances, business, gardening, wedding dresses, gossip – all of them combined barely equal the sales of romance novels. So women want a romantic hero. She wants a man who is an alpha male who is dominant, passionate, and who will love her so deeply that she can totally melt into him and surrender to his masculinity. The emotional connection is so important in how much pleasure your woman experiences. I really want you guys to know that. Yeah, we’re talking about techniques and guys love techniques because it’s measurable. Emotions aren’t as measurable as techniques are. You can go work on what I just told you about and go 1 mm in 30 seconds, and that’s very doable.
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What I want to give you guys is like actually specific exercises where you can then do that same thing with expanding your emotions. That’s where the juice is at. Remember that. The level and the depth to which you connect with your woman is directly proportional to the level of her orgasm. Grant:What I love about how you do this, and we’re now going to take that journey from initial attraction and how to build that emotional connection and how to build that trust, and you’ve really broken it down again in a beautiful mathematical way. There are three phases, and each phase has three steps – or I’m sorry, there are three stages, that’s your terminology, and then there are three phases within each. Now obviously we can’t go into detail on all of them. First I’m going to ask your permission. Can we go a little long today? Neo: Sure. Grant:Alright, good, so we’re not going to finish in 30 minutes. We’ll go over, as we did last week. This is interesting stuff. So what I’d like to do is I’d like to walk through the three phases – attraction, connection, communion – and I’d like everyone to really keep their mind on how each phase builds into the next and creates the possibility for the next. You can’t just jump into connection and communion. You obviously can’t just jump into communion. You can jump into a facsimile of connection, certainly, but as you teach, Neo, really well, and I really learned this from you in a solid way is that you can have fine sex but you’re not going to have that kind of mind-blowing sex if you sort of skip any of these stages of getting to know and becoming intimate with a woman. So what I want to do is I want to start with stage 1, which is attraction. Obviously there’s a whole ‘seduction community’ who’s very interested in attraction, you know, how do you entreat the woman, how you get her attention, how you stand out as that – for lack of a better word -- ‘alpha male’ in those first 15 minutes, which is really all the attraction phase is. It’s just that first contact where they go, “Huh, this guy is sexually or erotically interesting.” So what I wanted to ask – you talked about being kind of an alpha. Are you someone who has resources? You talked to me about is the face symmetrical? Is this someone who has some kind of power and leadership over their life? Page 60 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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But the biggest attractor you talked about, and it’s very primal, is can this guy kill the other guys? [laughing] It’s almost there’s a kind of decisiveness that appeals to a woman and it’s related to a deep impulse of “Will this guy protect my babies?” Not that you’re going to have a baby that night or ever, but that’s what’s behind that sense of “Who is this guy I’m meeting at this moment?” Do you have anything to say about that? Neo: Yes. I like to get to the core of things, because it gives me the understanding of the ‘why’ I’m doing something. So it’s like what is attraction anyway, and I love to look at the deep biological aspect of attraction. So yeah, what you’re mentioning, there’s like four major very primal attractors. If you just put yourself back to the time of caveman and cavewoman and you’re a cavewoman, who would you want? You’d want a tribal leader or alpha male. Secondly, you’d want someone who can procure food and shelter or resources. Thirdly, you’d want someone who looks symmetrical or basically they’re in good health to pass on that gene to your baby. Fourthly, you’d want emotional connection because the man will stick around to take care of your babies if he’s emotionally connected to you. So these are all very very primal reasons. Now as you mentioned, Grant, the alpha male quality is one of the most important qualities. It’s the very first thing that women filter for, because an alpha male can kill someone who’s willing to stay around, kill someone and take his resources, and will kill someone who’s better looking. Game over, just on a primal level. I mean we have so many more intricacies now. So she wants a man who is a leader, who when he walks into a room he commands respect. Along with that line, an alpha male, once he chooses her, once she’s with him, he will protect her with his life. I think this is some of the softness that men have left, the edge these days. Like I’m not sure how many men, when they choose to be with a woman, their first thought is, “Ok, I am now choosing this woman. If some thugs come up, I will protect her with my life.” So when you come in with that kind of energy, when you just in your mind – I mean it doesn’t mean that you ever have to do that for her, but that when the situation comes – it’s not sexy when some thugs come and you run away and the woman is left to fend for herself. Page 61 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Whether she knows it or not, the energy is so different, when you’re out with a woman and you know that if her life was in danger that you would protect her with your life. Grant:Let me ask you a practical question. Guys might be thinking, “When do you really actuate that feeling?” I mean if you meet someone at a bar or at work and you really like them and go out on a date, are you already suggesting at that point you’re going to bring….. Neo: Oh, I do. Seriously, it’s very primal. It’s part of what I consider alpha male qualities. It’s like “You’re mine.” It’s a level of possessiveness that you have with your woman. It’s like I’m choosing you. I’m in a sensual community where there’s a lot of openness in sensuality and sexuality and exploration, and I’m just talking about pure primal energy. Women love that pure primal energy where they feel like they can be taken. That’s why women want to be taken. That’s why women choose ‘bad boys.’ What they really want is a bad boy who will love them deeply as well, because now we get into the second most important super antennae that women have, and that’s her emotional filter. “Is this guy emotionally connected to me? Does he care about me?” Because if you think about it biologically, a woman who chooses to have sex with you, biologically is choosing to have a child with you. That means if you leave, she could die, primally, in childbirth because there’s no one to protect or provide for her, and she could be stuck taking care of a baby for 16+ years, and that’s from one decision. That’s why women’s emotional sensors are so heightened. Grant:For their survival. Neo: For their survival. It’s an evolutionary development. That’s why women can go crazy with their emotions, too, just because they’re just extra-sensitive with their emotions. That means they can throw tantrums, because that’s part of their neurology. So understand that, and be an alpha male and be able to handle that emotion. Grant:The term alpha male gets a lot of use in the culture, so I want to really define what we’re talking about. I’d like you to sharpen it around this fantastic phrase of “I choose you.” This has got to be the mindset that sets up the sort of erotic escalation, rather than “Will you choose me? Can I go out with you? Will you talk to me?” That whole sort of submissive stance kind of kills the erotic charge at the beginning. Page 62 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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So I want to focus the alpha male talk around the kind of decisiveness, directedness, sense of purpose, sense of direction, and sense of – you used the word ‘possession’ – that really begins the process. You’ve written that the biggest mistake men make right at the start, and again this ties into the orgasms down the line, is that they hesitate in the beginning and they don’t convey that sense of decisiveness. So ‘I choose you.’ I’m going to ask on behalf of the callers, what practices can you recommend for guys to really develop that as a normal habitual stance to take? Neo: Well, one of the exercises I would do is for three days out of the week, for five minutes a day, just pretend that you’re say Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt or George Clooney or whoever you consider to be a model of masculinity. Or be yourself in a heightened alpha male quality, and just walk around for five minutes as that person. Breathe like you would breathe as that person. Think like you would think as that person. If Tom Cruise walked into a random restaurant, how would he walk in? What’s the mindset? He’d probably think “I own the place,” but he doesn’t need to prove it. See, there’s a really fine distinction between a less-than-mature aspect of masculinity where the guy still needs to prove himself. This is where a lot of seemingly alpha male guys will get into fights. If they get into a fight, they still need to prove themselves. When you’re solid enough in yourself, you no longer need to prove anything. You know what you can offer, and that’s good enough. Women will sense that. So combine that with the level of choosing that you have a woman. I actually want to just take this to the sexuality, because this is what we’re here for. So this translates directly into how you have sex with her, because women read into everything, basically how you do anything and how you do everything. This is the quality that you want to actually take into the bedroom, where you’re going to lead her aggressively, where you’re going to splay her on the bed maybe, where you’re going to be talking dirty or bringing our her primal aspect and you will not apologize for it. You’re going to be directing her in terms of what position you want her to get in next, or moving her this way…where you just know where to move her, where you know how to give her the most pleasure, where she surrenders to your direction.
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So that’s the energy that I’m talking about. So you want to take this through all the sexual techniques, and I am so into the ‘how’ of sexual techniques and this is part of the ‘how.’ If you’re making love to her, make love to her in a way where you look into her eyes so deeply that you penetrate her with your soul. That’s primal attraction. Move her confidently into a position and pleasure her in a way where you are taking her, when you’re doing anything with her sexually. This is very important, because it’s a circle. Anything that you develop in any of the stages and phases will increase your consciousness, distinction, and level that you can give your woman pleasure and orgasms. So in terms of the attraction, like you mentioned earlier, really it’s like the first 15 minutes. You’re basically creating like this explosion where she’s like, “Whoa! This guy has some energy and has something to offer.” A lot of women are bored with their lives. They love stimulation. They love to be jolted out of their mundane, where maybe they have to go to work or somehow they’re feeling lackluster about the world. So yes, traveling and changing the external locale is an easy way to do that. Grant:Educating yourself is also – I mean some of the feedback I’ve been getting from guys is that they actually feel better about themselves just for taking part in this seminar series, you know, because it gives you a charge. You can say, “Well, I’m actually taking some control over my life and I’m taking positive steps,” so just self-educating. A lot of guys ask, “How do I get into that feeling? I don’t love my life right now. I’m not crazy about my job. I think I’m too fat, too short, too tall,” but just taking action. I talk about this all the time, because you never know where actions will lead you. Just taking action opens doors to this kind of feeling. Neo: Yeah, and I really believe, I truly believe that if you can just take steady progressive action toward anything, you can master it. That’s why you guys are here.
"If you can take steady progressive action toward anything, you can master it."
I really don’t believe that I’m better than any of you guys, because it’s like I know where I was. I was so bad with women, and it wasn’t because of anything other Page 64 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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than the fact that I didn’t know what to do, and basically it wasn’t valued that I practice my sensuality and sexuality. If you guys make the practice of sensuality and sexuality a priority in your life, you’re going to be incredible. You’re going to become – this is my vision for you guys – I want you guys to become true gifts to women. Now you may not grasp that concept, but you’ll understand it on some level. If we look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we start with the survival and physical needs. Grant:By the way, Abraham Maslow, the psychologist, he established this hierarchy of what people need. So the first thing they need is… Neo: The physical needs, survival. And then there’s comfort needs, where it’s like shelter, comfort. There are needs for social proof, where you get knowledge for what you’re doing, for community, for belonging. And at the highest level it’s self-actualization. There is no absolute selfactualization, but I know each one of you guys have a vision of yourself of where you want to be, with women or otherwise, so where you want to take yourself. And that’s self-actualization. What I want to see is that you can use sensuality and sexuality as a portal to your self-actualization, that it’s all available here. So you can develop all aspects of yourself through the practice of sensuality and sexuality. Grant:That’s sort the final communion phase. I want to jump back. I want to stay focused on the ascent. I know where you’re heading, but I want to come back to our attraction phase. We’re about 50 minutes in and we’re on Stage 1, Phase 1, so I’m going to move this forward a little. I mean it’s great stuff obviously. So if you don’t mind I’m going to push forward on this list of initiating contact. The second step is to convey value. I guess the question for you, and we’re going to take some of these steps more quickly, how do you convey value when you’re not really feeling full of value? Not everyone always feel that they have that much to offer. So what would you say to someone who says, “Well, you know, I have something to offer but I don’t really feel so great about myself if I’m approaching attractive women.” How do you convey value then?
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Neo: You pretend. One of the exercises is to write down five of your top values, five of the things that your friends say about you, that’s great about your personality. Five things that you’ve done in your life that you are proud of. Now we all have that. Regardless of how high or low we’ve gone, we all have gifts to offer. It’s just that it’s not necessarily at the forefront of our minds. So prepare, prepare, prepare and write these down. Write these down so you know you’re worth it. You have something to offer. I don’t care what it is. You have something to offer a woman. You just haven’t taken the time necessarily to amplify what you have to offer so that you know it and she knows it. When you walk up to a woman, you need to know your top qualities and that’s the gift you can give her right there, on the tip of your tongue. It’ll give you more confidence and she’ll feel it and you’ll know it. You’ll know that if she chooses not to interact with you, she will be losing out on an opportunity to receive these incredible qualities and these incredible gifts. So that’s how you want to approach her. Grant:So in this first stage, clearly you have to have a sense of composure, confidence, again without any kind of swaggering, and a mindset of gifting yourself to her. No matter what doubts you might have, you sort of filter that out and you approach with that sense of gifting. I want to move forward into the next phase, into the next stage actually. There’s a couple of steps, guys, that we can’t get to today. It’s in his book. But you talk about how to qualify a woman, how to frame what you love about a woman to see if she’ll respond in a positive way so that she’s the right woman for you – because there’s no point in trying to move someone toward communion if they’re not open, if they’re not open sexually to experience that themselves. And the other point I just want to throw out there is you need to be able to walk away as soon as you sense that this isn’t going where you want it to go, and that’s very attractive. That itself is an alpha quality. I want to move here to Stage 2, which is connection. So Stage 1 is attraction. You’ve connected emotionally. You have an attitude of I’ll call it protectiveness. When you walk around the room saying, “I would be willing to die for a woman,” it’s kind of a protectiveness rather than aggressiveness, and a kind of presence. So you’ve now established interest, intrigue, and confidence. So the next step is connection. I think it’s amazing the way you talk about how you step back arousal, because a lot of people think building up to these great orgasms is a constant movement forward toward orgasm. Page 66 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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What you teach in Stage 2 is what you’re building here is care. Neo: Yes. From field tests from the pick-up community, it’s been found that the attraction phase is about 15 minutes. The comfort-building/connection phase is about 7-10 hours. Grant:Spread out over however many days. Neo: Spread out over however many phone calls, dates, whatever, but that’s about the average. Even the best pick-up guys, Mystery Style, Thunder Cat, have that time frame. So what do you do during the 7-10 hours? You’re kicking it, you’re kicking it. So basically we’re practicing the fine art of kicking it. Like I said, women read into everything. So the level and comfort through which we can just be with her, she will read into as how comfortable and how much you can be with her while you’re making love with her. If you’re overly aggressive, especially during the connection stage, she’ll think that you’ll be aggressive in the bedroom and that you’ll be done in three minutes. She’ll probably be right. It’s the same energy that you carry forth towards anything. So during the connection stage you really want to kick back on any too-aggressive sexual energy, where the energy is almost like you’re groping. If anything, you want to be showing her how much you enjoy just hanging out with her and how much you care and adore her. Grant:So there’s two ways of doing this, and I just want to break this down for a second. One is to convey – I think, and tell me what you think – one is to convey passion for life, for the things in your life. And the other is to show that you are really interested in what’s core about her. So I want to break that down. I think building comfort and deepening connection can be spoken about in these two ways. I find in my research on online dating certainly that being able to convey fun and passion and excitement about your life is a huge turn-on. So when you say kicking it, it’s not that you just totally step back and let her lead, but you stop trying to arouse her in any sexual way and let her feel that you’re passionate about other things in your life, such that she can feel that sexual parallel.
"…being able to convey fun and passion and excitement about your life is a huge turn-on."
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You said something about a full spiritual discourse on why you like Mickey Mouse. [laughing] It could be anything, whatever you’re passionate about. It shows that you’re a passionate guy. Even in discussions I could be talking about internet marketing and my passion for how much I love the internet and how you can reach people all over the world, and we have people on this call from all around the world, and how amazing that is that you can build this community today. You know, when I was growing up this wasn’t even something imagined. I was describing how much I love what I do to a woman and she started kissing me. I was like, “Wow, I was talking about the internet,” but seriously, the passion that I felt I think just carried over. She said, “Wow, this is a passionate guy.” So it’s important to identify ahead of time what you’re passionate about. Neo: Yeah. One of the things that you just touched upon is how to get yourself so that you convey that you have depth to her. One of the ways – you know, I’m really big into writing things down and having actual practices. So write down what you’re interested in, what your hobbies are, and what inspires you. From this place, ask yourself the question why they interest you and inspire you. You just keep on getting more core, and usually the core things usually end up at safety, peace, ecstasy, love, self-actualization, or joy. Very core energies. Grant:And all those things are turn-ons for women. Neo: Right. And if you make the bridge from something like the internet – it could be football, right? It could be fixing classic cars. If you take the reason and go core as to why you love it, women will dig it. So in the comfort-building stage, you are first just talking about the seemingly mundane. It could be your favorite music, favorite show, and then as you move into deeper and deeper connection, you want to get into your core of why interests you and the core of what interests her. Grant:Ok, let’s move to that and keep this moving with some pace. It’s not so much her core interests, and this is a really important point, it’s the core of who she is. In the internet book on Net2Bed I talk about singing to her idealized self and seeing her in ways that other men don’t take the time to see her. Some of the questions you throw out there in terms of deepening connection, which can just leapfrog you into so much more intimacy without it being ‘sexual,’ Page 68 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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is to say things like “When do you feel most seen? Who in your life really gets you?’ These are the kind of questions. You’re not asking so much about her core interests, but about her identity, who really sees her and when does she feel happy? Neo: And core questions like what fulfills her. Just remember that as you’re asking these questions, keep in mind the energy that you’re creating. So the deeper you go – I want to mention the study that they’ve shown that if a woman has an orgasm from 10 seconds before to 45 minutes after a man comes she retains more sperm. So basically biologically the more willing she is to have your baby, just on a primal biological level, the more and bigger and better orgasms she’s going to have. Now for her to feel like she’s willing to go there, she has to be emotionally open and trusting of you. So that’s why we’re going through this stage, keeping in mind that you are going to give her deeper, better, more multiple orgasms and better pleasures the more she feels seen by you, the more she feels emotionally connected to you, the more you ask her questions like “What fulfills you and what brings you joy?” and how she feels loved. Grant:And I want to underline something that might seem obvious, but I just want to say it. Really be interested in the answers. This is not something that you do just to manipulate her into making her feel you care about her. Actually really care about her answers. When you ask the questions, actually really care and she’ll feel it, and again it will lead into the more mind-blowing sex that’s at the end of this rainbow. Which leads us to the next sort of phase within this stage of connection. Now that you’ve built trust and comfort and some core connection, we want to talk about touch a bit here. You have this great way of saying that touch at this stage does not have the intention to arouse. Neo: Yes. This flows really into the profound intimacy stage. A lot of guys will ask how do you move progressively from touch to foreplay to sexual exploration to lovemaking. Touch is one of the time factors, let’s say. You can gauge everything by your touch. Yes, have conversation, but become a connoisseur of how to
"Become a connoisseur of how to touch her...this is going to be the key of how you arouse and pleasure her anyway."
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touch her, because this is going to be the key of how you arouse and pleasure her anyway. If you guys haven’t just touched a woman for 20 minutes in a row without the intent to arouse, then practice that. Even on a first date, gauge her comfort level but if she’s comfortable, we’re getting along really well and I’m sitting opposite from her, I’ll get her to come over and sit by me. I’ll say, “Come sit by me. I feel like you’re so far away,” and I’ll just start touching her, not in a sexual way where I’m groping. I will just lightly and gently start to stroke her hair and allow my fingers to just start gliding to the nape of her neck, at that speed touching her ears. Women hunger for this. Once again, if you do this at this stage, she’ll read into the fact that you will take this kind of time, care, and energy when you guys are making love, and yes, I will. You know what, a lot of guys are worried about how and when do I kiss her. When you have a woman sitting next to you and you’re stroking her hair and her eyes are turning up and she’s gasping and telling you how good it feels, you can kiss her almost any time. So just pay attention to her. If you guys are not seeing a woman and you do not have a piece of clothing that’s like faux fur or velour or silk, get one and just practice stroking that fabric for like 15-20 minutes. It will get you used to touching, because touch is what will easily move you from one stage to another without it seeming abrupt, like “Oh, now we’re supposed to fuck.” It’s like you’ve been touching her for the last three hours. What’s more natural than to just explore a bit further into a deeper union? So really you could say that this kind of touching is foreplay, or you could say that foreplay includes the intent of sensual and sexual arousal. I would throw in too that you want to practice what I consider fractionation, which means that as you touch her you might want to move from a more sensitive spot back to a more neutral spot, like her arm. You might be just gently massaging her shoulders and she’s like leaning into you, and then you move to her hand and just touch her. Women want to be touched and adored by touch. If you can start practicing this on your dates it will give you more benefit than you could possibly know. Just remember, it almost seems dichotomous that a guy who’s dominant without emotional maturity can be a jerk. A guy who is emotionally soft and sensitive without the dominance can be a wimp or weak.
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What women want is a romantic hero who can possess her, who can be aggressive, and who can be so sensitive and love her so deeply that she can just surrender fully. So you want this dichotomous energy of the attraction phase and the sensitivity and depth of the connection phase. Grant:The foreplay is really about having her body trust you so that her mind can then abandon, her amygdala, her mind – for those of you familiar with the female brain who I’ve done some work with – it’s really that her body can now trust you so that she can then surrender, and then you can bring that very strong energy during sexuality, which we talked about last week. You said trust leads to arousal, so at this stage when you’re touching her, the goal isn’t arousal. The goal is that kind of body trust, which then will lead to arousal. Neo: Yes. The more she can open to you, she is getting aroused. Basically a woman will feel her own body relax and how comfortable she feels with you, and her mind will say, “Oh, I guess I really like this guy and trust this guy to be so relaxed and so comfortable with him.” Grant:This is the phase of adoration and praise. Neo: Yes, and still make sure that you generate the attraction in the beginning, because a lot of guys will make the mistake of coming directly to the connection stage and they become friends. So it’s like you still want to sell her the bang. I really want to emphasize that. You want the explosion. And in the context of that explosion and the strength, this level of connection will make her melt. Grant:This is a huge point, by the way. I just want to take a step back, because a lot of guys in the Net2Bed community are great guys, I mean they’re good guys. One of the biggest complaints is that they get seen as friends. So here’s your answer. It doesn’t mean don’t be the good person you are, but it has to be within the context of that first connection phase where you have the kind of gifting “I will protect you with my life” energy that you just carry with you and that women can feel. I hate to use the word ‘alpha,’ but they can feel that kind of strong dominant directed energy. So that’s a huge point and I’m really glad you said it. Before we go to the next phase, which is communion, which is that kind of deep deep sexuality, you told me this great thing the other day. You said, “Lovingly stroke her fat.” Page 71 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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I love that line because there’s a kind of deep adoration there. A lot of women are very critical of their own bodies and they’ll be holding back until they feel that you accept them for exactly who they are. So I love that, “Lovingly stroke her fat,” which is just a symbol for any kind of insecurity she may have. Just adore her complete self. Now you used the word ‘goddess,’ and it’s a word I’m familiar with. We’re both in California and it’s not an unusual term to hear women talk about themselves as goddesses. I wanted you to say something about – when you talked about to bring out a woman’s goddess energy. Can you talk about that a little for people who may think that sounds like nutty California woo-woo nonsense. Neo: Really, her goddess self is her whole range of femininity. Now that means the goddess could be the glowing pure open flowing femininity, or it could be the rage, the anger, the passion as well.
"Her goddess self is her whole range of femininity. Your task as a man is to expand her range."
Really, your task as a man is to expand her range. That’s why what David Shade talks about with the dirty talk works. That is also still drawing out the goddess because that’s part of it. You are learning to love all of it, that you’re so comfortable with it that she can let go of the darkest spot that she has within her. You could be throwing her down, you could be pleasuring her anus, whatever she’s not comfortable with, you could be making love with her in the bathroom if she’s really not comfortable with that, and that will be a turn-on for her. For some women it’s like being treated like an angel, like she may have lower self-esteem and she never thought that a man could adore and worship her so much. That’s another range. So really to draw out her goddess is to be so centered within yourself and so comfortable with your sexuality that you can take her to levels of sexuality that she has never explored. If she usually doesn’t get fingered while you guys are driving, go there. That’s part of drawing out her goddess. But if she doesn’t get to explore the more beautiful flowing aspects, then light candles around the bed and bring her flowers. That brings out her goddess. So it’s the whole range, from the most primal, the most seemingly dirty, to the most high and light sexuality. All of that is the goddess. So when I say draw out the goddess, you are taking the lead to open her into territories that she didn’t Page 72 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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know she would be comfortable in going. She trusts you so much that you can lead her into those territories and she will open into those territories. Basically as you open a territory for her, her orgasm is going to just continue to expand and that’s why I continually talk about be creative. Be creative and work on the ‘how’ and combining the techniques of making love to her, giving her cunnilingus and oral pleasure, stroking her G spot, pleasuring her clit, all in the creativity that you bring in terms of drawing out her pleasure. Grant:Love that. Part of bringing out the goddess – you and I are both very familiar with the works of David Deida, and he talks about feminine energy and goddess energy as something that’s just the fullness of all sensual reality, the fullness of experience. As men we tend to gravitate toward emptiness. That makes us happier, to be mono-focused on something, to have a job to do, to have an empty room without clutter. Women love the fullness of experience, which is why they love incense and candles and beautiful curtains and the whole romantic set-up. It’s really a deep feminine need. So I’d like to take that notion of a full overload of sensual awareness and now talk about sexuality and giving a woman a sensual overload. Now we’re going to talk about techniques for a little bit, just to give people a structure. We’re going to talk a little bit about sensual technique and how to overload a woman with pleasure. Then we’re going to talk about the secret of making love for hours. Then we’re going to talk about deep communion, where technique falls away. So let’s first talk about those last three things and then we’ll have some questions and answers. So sensual overload. It’s something that the deep feminine really craves and the goddess energy really craves. So what do you have to say about merely pleasuring a woman versus overloading her senses so that she’ll have these mind-blowing body-shivering orgasms. Neo: In order to overload her senses, first you have to know what senses to overload. Basically that brings us to the foreplay stage, where if you haven’t taken the time to explore every part of her body, take the time to explore every part of her body.
"Women love kissing because it makes them feel connected to their man…it’s one of their core needs and fantasies."
Now in foreplay I usually use kissing as a foundation. Page 73 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Women love kissing because it makes them feel connected to the man, once again. It’s one of their core needs and fantasies. So as you kiss her, see what kind of touch you can incorporate. You can be touching her cheeks. Women love to have their face held as you’re kissing her. You can be stroking just lightly her scalp while you’re kissing her. You can be playing with her ears while kissing her. You can be circling her lower back while kissing her. Now all of these are aspects of sensory overload where she is experiencing the kiss and all these other sensations are coming in. You could be lightly brushing over the inside of her thigh while you’re kissing her, and then move down to kiss her neck while you stroke just the outer ridges of her butt. Then moving organically from one area to another. A woman’s whole body is an erogenous zone. Yes, there are definitely more nerve endings at the clitoris and at the vagina for sure, and at the nipples and the breasts. But if you can create a symphony of sensory pleasure for her, she is going to be in heaven because a woman really wants to be touched. Once again, to move and transition smoothly from just touching her into foreplay is actually really easy. If she’s comfortable with you touching her stomach, you could be kissing her and just lightly brush upwards to the bottom of her breasts and just lightly brush against her nipples and take it away. There’s almost like nothing to object. You’re just progressively leading her into a more deeper level of her pleasure. Grant:You talked about using music as a metaphor when you’re developing technique. Neo: Yes. When you’re practicing, when you’re being with a woman, notice the rhythm that you’re touching her, the pace, the location, the pressure. Just as many variations as you can think of, women will feel the difference and will appreciate your sensitivity to how you’re touching her. This is one of the great keys, once you move into sensual and sexual techniques. For example, you could be circling her nipples with your tongue while one finger’s on her clit with another finger inside her. Or you could be sucking on her neck while this is happening. Or any combination that you could possibly think of. You could be coaxing her G spot while looking deeply in her eyes and stroking her hair. So basically all of the foreplay techniques get incorporated into how you are making love with her. The sexual techniques, once again it’s like yes, each one is an isolated technique, and yet the key to mastery is how do you combine Page 74 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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these techniques while paying attention to her responses that brings out her deepest pleasure. As we move into the techniques, it’s like if you take your time you will find her pleasure code. If you take your time and have patience, you will find it. There are definite ways where you can – well, actually most guys just don’t necessarily – I was telling you about this, Grant, where if you’re making love with a woman, most guys do not still use their fingers to pleasure her clit. So if you just do that half the time, in almost any position, in the missionary position, when you’re inside her from behind, when she’s on top of you, you can still be pleasuring her clit, which is the female main sexual organ. So taking the technique of overloading her senses, especially pay attention that wherever you are you can be pleasuring her clit. Studies have shown that only 30% of women will have an orgasm during intercourse, and that’s because her clit is not getting stimulated. So stimulate her clitoris from any and all the positions that you possibly can. And then practice sexual fractionation. This is a concept in hypnosis, where if you go deep, if you take someone deep into trance and then take them back out, then the next time you take them in they’re going to go in deeper than they were before. The same thing with women. You’re going to take her into deep intense pleasure, and then you’re going to back off. You can just take a break and just look into her eyes, kiss her, tell her something about her that you really appreciate and adore, and then go back in and pleasure her again. It’s really about like a symphony that you’re creating with her that’s going to lead her to greater and greater levels of orgasms. Grant:Since we’re using the musical metaphors, we talked about being in rhythm in terms of music, and we can talk about the instrument that you’re using. If your body is the instrument, you had a really fascinating way of saying that you can turn your whole body into your penis basically. One of the concerns the guys had getting into this, we asked “What are you guys interested in learning?” and one of the biggest concerns was “How do I keep going for an hour? She wants to go for an hour and I want to pleasure her for an hour. How do I keep myself going?” You have an interesting exercise that not only keeps better control, but turns your body into a more sensitive sexual organ. Neo: The exercise is a very foundational practice in tantra and it’s the Kegel, so it’s your PC muscles. This is the muscle that you use to stop your pee Page 75 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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midstream. So if you guys are going to practice, then for the next week anytime you pee, stop your pee in midstream seven times. Basically you can be working this muscle anywhere. You could be watching TV, you could be driving, and this is the same muscle that will stop your orgasm. Now it also comes to awareness, where I would practice – if you’re masturbating or whether you’re making love with a woman, going from say a scale of 0 to 100, going from 60 down to 50, then up to 70 and back down to 60, up to 80, up to 90, up to 95, up to 99, then come back. Just note on a scale where your arousal, or how close you are to having an orgasm and practice that, along with the Kegels, and you’ll have a lot more control. Always remember, when you’re getting close to the 95 level, you can always pull out and give her oral pleasure. Or you can pull out and use your finger. She doesn’t mind, as long as you’re continuing to give her pleasure. She will feel the variation of it. One of the simplest ways, even when you don’t have these exercises, is to use that variation. You don’t have to be pounding away at her the whole time. She’ll like it. Pound her, give her that primal aggressive energy, and then love her. You could actually be inside her and just totally stop and just stroke her hair and she will melt. She will be like, “Oh my god.” It’s the contrast that will elicit her most exquisite self. Grant:There’s another upside of this, not that that isn’t enough, but when you have that kind of control, when you do that stopping your pee seven times every time for two weeks, even when you’re driving or watching TV, just practice that – there’s an energy…and again this isn’t something that everyone’s familiar with, but there’s an energy that lifts into your body from your groin up into your stomach and into your chest. When you can stop that and pull it upwards – and we’ll be talking about this in the next few weeks – your whole body becomes sensitive. Neo: Yes, and this is part of the process of communion. So as you open up more and more hidden aspects of your woman, where she trusts you more and more, surrenders to you more and more, opens to you more and more, and you doing this exercise can actually spread the pleasure and the intense energy from your penis into your whole body, so that your whole body becomes sensitive. The more and more you become sensitive, as you make love to her, the more and more you will begin to feel her pleasure. That means that a slight difference in how you’re inside her and how you’re touching her and how you’re pleasuring Page 76 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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her, you will feel in your body, because you’re becoming more and more merged with this. On some level you’ll get so sensitive that you will know exactly where to go to give her the maximum pleasure, because you’ll be feeling what she’s feeling. This is getting closer and closer to the level where you guys are at one with each other. I know all you guys have experienced moments where, during orgasm or not, where you’re almost like temporarily without your mind. There’s so much energy, so much pleasure, that you don’t know where you are.
"..you’ll get so sensitive that you will know exactly where to go to give her the maximum pleasure."
That’s the energy of communion. So the key is how do you stretch that energy out? How do you stretch that energy out from two seconds to five seconds to ten seconds to 30 seconds to a minute, to where you’re using that as a reference to be an amount of energy that you can be running in your daily life towards your self-actualization, toward creating the highest vision that you have for yourself? Grant:This is a huge point, and we’ll end on this before we get to questions. Again it’s a big leap, but what you’re saying is that when your body does become this portal of gifting pleasure, you can recall that any time during the day. It becomes a practice, like anything else. This isn’t something like a magic pill. It’s something that you practice daily. We had a discussion and you and I were talking about it’s like a high almost. You could be in a restaurant and sort of remember or re-access that feeling. The waiter could be an asshole to you, but you won’t care because your body has actually changed, the physiology of your body. Neo: Yeah, the metaphor that I gave to you is like if you guys don’t know ‘how to do it,’ imagine if you and your girlfriend, lover, or wife are fucking like crazy in the back of a car. She’s screaming, you’re going nuts, and both of you have incredible simultaneous orgasms, and then you go into a restaurant right away. So you’re still high, you’re still high, you just had incredible sex. How and who do you be right then? Everybody will feel it in the restaurant. There will be a level of softness, relaxation, consciousness, of presence, of love, of pleasure that’s coursing through your body that is palpable. So the key is how do you take that remembrance of that energy more and more into your daily life? If you have a dream, if you have a vision for yourself and you’re getting a little bit discouraged about whether it’s possible, this is when you remember or take this energy. Page 77 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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It’s like when a woman is devouring your cock and is sucking on you, you feel like on top of the world. So basically what you want to do is take this feeling when you’re feeling down and remember that this is the feeling that you’re capable of in your body. Use that energy. Use the vigor, the vitality, the pleasure of this energy to share your gift with the world, to create incredible visions and fun play things and share that with the world. Grant:That’s how you connect the sexual of getting a really fantastic blow job with serving the world. And I do get the connection. It’s a great way to sort of end this sort of process, because it doesn’t end with orgasm. Orgasm really becomes a portal to a deeper pleasure and wanting to share that deeper pleasure and almost naturally sharing that with people in your life. So what I’d like to do now is I’d like to open up the lines for questions. We have a great system here where if you press 5* a little hand will appear on my screen. We can call on you and you’ll hear that your line is unmuted. Say your name and where you’re calling from, your first name and where you’re calling from. So let’s see who has a hand raised. Caller: Hello everybody, this is Jimmy calling from south Florida. There’s something that came to mind while you were talking. One thing is that I want to share with everybody – the stuff that you guys are saying, a lot of what we’re learning here, believe it or not you could actually say it to the woman. I mean you could even like write it down and say it to them. They love that. I heard I guess it was Tom Ranati in an interview and he was talking about how you can make a woman come three times before you ever enter her. For some reason, I’ve tried saying that and she loved it. I mean everything you’ve taught tonight I could say to a woman and she would love it. It’s not like I have to be hiding it in my head or anything. Neo: Oh yeah, totally. Let her know. Caller: The other thing I wanted to say was you were talking about prolonging your need to come or whatever. I’ve learned that you can actually ejaculate without coming or without having an orgasm, and then keep going. It just depends. Neo: I’ve only done that a couple times. Still practicing on that one. Caller: But anyway, I recently read, and this doesn’t have to do with exactly what you’re talking about but I’m sure you’ll know – it has to do with something…you know how women can squirt…I recently read something about Page 78 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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men being able to do something similar to that. It sounded like pre- -- anyway, have you heard about anything such as that? Neo: I don’t know where men would squirt out of other than… Caller: It’s like after you have your orgasm, that a woman could take you to a place where you would like literally just tons and tons of fluid would come out of you and it wouldn’t be pee, like what happens to her. Neo: Nice. I have not heard of that. Caller: like….
You haven’t heard about it, ok. I don’t totally trust it. It’s kind of
Grant:It’s a south Florida thing. Neo: If you guys want to play with the practice of having your woman have ejaculatory orgasms, make sure that she has had two or three orgasms, because the G spot or the Skene’s gland is where the fluid builds. You’ll actually feel it start to bulge out and it actually takes a lot of pressure to coax an ejaculatory orgasm out of a woman. But she has to be properly aroused in order for you to do that. You can’t do it in the beginning, because the Skene’s gland’s not full enough. But if you want to play with it, the G spot’s about 2” in, a little rough patch of skin. When she comes a couple of times, you’ll feel it start to bulge. You can actually feel it. The speed at which you do it is actually very quick. When she’s squirting, it’s amazing. Before I heard about it, but in actually doing it women will curl up like a baby, like she has just so surrendered and so like exploded into her fullness, it’s just like it becomes like a pure innocent instinct. I just like to just hold her in that incredible energy. So yeah play with that but make sure that – get sensitive to what it feels like when she – and not all women can do it. But play with that sensitivity of what it feels like when her Skene’s gland and G spot are fuller, and the speed at which you need to coax her and the duration. It’s actually a huge like bicep work-out. Grant:It’s amazing. It’s funny you bring it up because next week we’re actually going to be talking in depth about female ejaculation with one of the best practitioners and teachers in the world, Steve Piccus. So we’ll definitely be talking about that next week, but thanks for that start, Neo.
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I wanted to know if anyone else out there wants to press 5* and a hand will appear on my screen if you have further questions. I’ll let this poor guy go out there and start pleasuring some women. Caller: Grant, this is Bob from North Carolina. I wanted to go back to this business of I will protect her with my life, I choose you. That seems to be the single most powerful thought. When I think about this, I’m in a large dance community and on a typical Friday night I’ll dance with 25 or 30 women. The idea of taking care of her on the dance floor has been very very interesting in terms of my attitude towards her. But this carries it to a whole other level, it really does. So one of the questions I have is that if I think about all women this way, let’s say on a Friday night, if every women I’m with I have this attitude, it just seems to me like it wouldn’t become less special if there was a particular woman that I chose that I had that attitude about. That just because I did it with every woman, it would just seem like it would make it even stronger. Neo: It becomes the quality of who you are. You are a man who chooses a woman so deeply that you would choose to die for her if necessary. So yes, it can totally become stronger. It’s different for every man and woman. I’m usually pretty picky, and when I feel that for a woman it comes from this deep biological root or something. I feel it deep in my groins. Yes, you can practice this feeling so that more and more, whichever woman you choose you can have this energy. Caller: If I’m at a bar and I see a woman that I want to talk to and I approach her with that attitude, I mean just sitting here thinking about it…if I walk up to a woman that I want to dance with and I think about having that attitude when I walk up to her, it totally changes the way I approach her. Neo: Totally, yes, and she will feel it. What you’re communicating or sub-communicating is that “If you choose to dance with me with me in this way, if you choose to explore pleasure with me, I will protect you with my life. That’s what you’re choosing. Most men will not choose you to that level.”
“…it becomes a part of who you are and what you offer and the gift that you are to women in the world.”
She will feel that, whether you say that or not, for sure. Like I said, it becomes a Page 80 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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part of who you are and what you offer and the gift that you are to women in the world. Caller: Well, I don’t even have to think about being Tom Cruise. If I think about just doing that one thing, it just makes that happen. Neo: Yes, exactly. Caller:
That’s cool, thank you.
Neo: Thank you. Grant:Thank you, Bob. Ok, 5*. Caller: This is Ryan. Got a question – you mentioned briefly about how to qualify a woman. One of the things I’m trying to determine is are there things you look for to tell a woman who can let herself go into having…letting go of her fears and opening herself to this level of pleasure? Neo: Yes. That’s actually your task. Isn’t that great? That’s why you’re becoming what I call the complete lover, is that you can take almost any woman – now some women may have really deep-seated fears. They are much harder to open. But your divine masculinity is so deep that you penetrate her fear and convert it into openness. One of the shamanic practices that I practice is Huna and one of the core concepts is that healing occurs when the healer’s certainty of the patient’s wellbeing is stronger than the patient’s certainty of his or her disease or illness. So basically what you’re doing with a woman is that you become so solid in and of yourself, so knowing of your divinity, of your groundedness, and of your gift, that any woman, as her fears come out – because a lot of men will take it personally. It’s like, “Oh my god, she’s now being fearful, bitchy, difficult.” Once again, the quality of an alpha male is that you take responsibility for everything you create in the world. It’s not true, it’s just a perspective, but if you take responsibility you have the ability to respond, versus if you blame her, it’s a beta male quality because you have no control over her. So it’s like she could be screaming at you, angry, and calling you names, and you would just see that as her call for love. You would penetrate into that call. You would not hear the anger and the screaming. You would hear her need for love. If you hold that strong enough, she will open. Page 81 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Caller:
Great. Thank you.
Neo: You’re welcome. Grant:Great, Neo. It’s amazing. You’re foreshadowing so much that’s actually coming in our series. In our last call with Satyen Raja, this is actually a practice he does in his workshop, where he’ll have women screaming at a guy and a guy just holding that steady masculine. It eventually opens into laughter and fun. Neo: I want to make a quick comment. This is one of the core reasons to actually choose women that you’re really into. You know what, if you’re not really into the woman it might be really hard to do that, you know? She’s screaming at you and you’re like, “You know, I wasn’t really into her that much anyway.” It’s hard to do that. You want women who are a 10 for you. You deserve it. There’s no objective 10. Pick a woman who’s a 10 for you, so that you are willing to give her all of yourself. Don’t play for less. You deserve the 10 women in your life.
“Pick a woman who’s a 10 for you, so that you’re willing to give her all of yourself. Don’t play for less."
Grant:I love how you said it’s a 10 for you, so it’s not just a standard looks thing. It’s who she is and the energy she brings to the world and that kind of thing. So thanks for saying that. I believe we have someone else on the line? Caller:
Hi Grant, Gene in Florida. Neo, you’re in San Francisco?
Neo: Yes, I am. Caller:
Amazing. In the city?
Neo: I actually live in Oakland. Caller: Oh, that’s funny. I know the area well. I lived there for 39 years. So anyway, you’re making me really interested in coming back to explore your community. [laughing] I have a question. It’s really funny, even in my first experience having intercourse with a woman I was able to go for I think 2-1/2 hours. I mean I’ve always had this ability. I don’t know where it came from, but now I’m beginning to believe that I always put them first and never even thought of me, not once. Everybody’s always commented to me on that. Page 82 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:Did you have a question? Caller: Well, I just wanted to bring that point up, like does this mean I’m an old soul, or I guess that’s the question. Grant:It means you’re a lucky soul. Caller: I mean it’s really funny because I’ve always seemed to get this quality. It has never been an issue with me at all. Neo: Awesome, congratulations. You’re lucky. In the beginning I’d last for like 3-7 minutes, seriously. I had to practice. Caller:
This is like, it just happened because I didn’t care about myself.
Grant:Thanks for underlining that point. That is really a crucial point. Neo: And I would say still care for yourself, because you always want to have balance. You want to always integrate and have this circular energy, because you want to ask for what you want. If you want a woman to suck on you for twice a day, ask for it. It’s not about just giving to her. It’s about claiming what you want, telling her what you want, and knowing that she wants to give you what you want, and she usually does. It’s like a beautiful thing. Yes, you want to give her the most mind-blowing rapturous orgasm ever, and that’s like a given, you know? And you want to also receive, too. Caller: And there’s one more question. I had a back injury about eight years ago and that kind of put a damper on things, but I’m coming back into the community as it were, so it took awhile to get my confidence back, because back injuries can be pretty bad. Is there anything to recommend to strengthen that? Neo: There’s nothing per se that I could recommend, other than slowly build it back up. Anything that we truly progressively and gently work on will strengthen. So do back-ups – not sit-ups, but back-ups. It will strengthen your back. Just be real with a woman. Authenticity is one of the most beautiful things. You can just say, “You know what, I don’t have that great of a back, but I’m still going to give you the most incredible pleasure ever.” Remember, your finger is always hard. Grant:Gene, thank you very much. That was a really good point. I’m glad you brought that you. We have a couple more hands here. I want to grab a couple more calls. Page 83 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Caller: This is Jimmy again from Florida. I just want to ask you, Neo, are you reachable? Do you have email? Grant:Neo has an offer, by the way, for free for our community. If you go to www.GrantLikes.com/Neo, there’s the contact info right there. And I think, Neo, you’re offering a 24-page…why don’t you explain what you’re offering. Neo: Yeah, you guys will get a free 24-page core principles of The Complete Lover with exercises, so you guys can start practicing. All my contact info is on the website. Grant:So go to www.GrantLikes.com/Neo. By the way, Neo is also available for a little bit of personal coaching. I know he doesn’t spend a lot of time one-onone, but he’s making that available. So check there, www.GrantLikes.com/Neo. And, if I remember, the first 100 people who signed up for this entire teleconference series will have an extra hour with you at the end of the whole series. So we can take everything we’ve learned and run it through your system and your mind and soul once again. That’s really great, because I’ve learned again so much tonight. Let’s get one or two more people. We’re going to open the lines. Do we have someone on the line? Caller:
Hey, it’s Mark in Miami.
Grant:Hey Mark. Wow, we’ve got a big Florida presence. I want to be a girl in Florida. Well, not really. Caller: I think we ought to change the name from the Sunshine State to the Orgasm State. [laughing] I was actually the guy with the note on the door, who sent you that. Grant:Was that you? Caller:
Yeah, that was me.
Grant:You gave me the biggest laugh. Thank you so much. Caller:
Well, I appreciate you doing this. That’s what led to that.
Grant:Just to catch everyone up, in case you missed it. This gentleman sent me a letter the next day after the David Shade call thanking us profusely for giving him some great ideas, and he put them to work.
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The screaming apparently was so wild that he woke up to a note on his door asking them to be more considerate, from his neighbors, who didn’t have such good sex. Caller: And the funny thing is she didn’t even remember. She was like, “Was I that loud?” Grant:That’s fantastic. Ok, what’s your question for Neo? Caller: Neo was talking about sort of some of this – I hear these recurring themes between last week with David and Neo about the need to build trust and that kind of thing. Neo got a little bit into talking about like basically tantric principles, like looking at each other deeply for like 10 minutes at a time. I’ve done that with girls and found it to be very powerful for building that trust and stuff. Girls can get a little freaked out by that, staring at them for – trying to see each other in that deep way. I’m just wondering if Neo has some transitional type techniques or ideas or what to say that can help stretch to getting there. Neo: Yeah, sure. Just tell her, “Hey, I’ve been playing with these tantric principles where if we look deeply into each other’s eyes we can get much more of a sense of each other’s souls and more of what each other is about. Would you like to do it for 10 minutes?” Just frame it, just ask directly. Once a woman has a choice, then she just chose to be in that situation. You can do the same thing with – like I said earlier, with a woman who you’re making love with already. “Hey, would you like me to just pleasure you with my finger for half an hour?” If she says yes, guess what, you just got to go at it. So be authentic. Women love to be asked and you can ask for almost anything. Just be real. You know what, she might say no and it’s ok. It’s just preferences, it’s not about you.
“Women love to be asked and you can ask for almost anything. Just be real."
So ask for what you want. Create the container and the frame that would take both of you deeper into your pleasure and your orgasms. I mean you could even set the frame where as you begin to know each other more – one of my lovers was doing this and basically each time we’d see each other I would come up with a frame and the next time she’d come in with a frame. Page 85 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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One of the frames that really surprised me, she was like, “You know what, I’m going to be a prostitute,” and she’s like the most beautiful, incredible, angelic, loving, nurturing goddesses ever. She’s like, “I want to be a prostitute and I want you to buy me and treat me like an object.” I was like, “What?” And it was ok, because we built a frame where we’re allowed to push the edges of where we’re comfortable with. That brings people closer together. It’s not about ‘the thing’ itself at all. It’s about where you can trust and let out what you think is the darkest secret or where you think you won’t be loved, and the other person accepts you just the way you are. That is powerful. That will give women deeper orgasms than almost anything else, that kind of letting go and that kind of trust. Grant:Beautifully stated. I 100% agree. I’m going to wrap it now. I know there are a few more questions. Those are certainly welcome to ask Neo directly through www.GrantLikes.com/Neo. You’ll get all his information. If you’re one of the first 100 people who signed up for these calls, we’ll have another hour with him at the end. Neo, dude, I’ve got to thank you. Neo: No, thank you, man. My pleasure. Grant:You’ve put so much thought into this, it’s really humbling and very instructive. I want to remind everybody to go to www.GrantLikes.com, look up Neo. I don’t know if you have a newsletter yet, but certainly has a report available for everybody for free. I want to remind everybody, for those four questions again, so this is not just a nice discussion, something that’s inspiring. •
What did you learn today that you can use, that you didn’t know before?
•
What mental shifts can you make in your life as a result of tonight’s seminar?
•
What was touched on that you want us to touch on more in the future calls?
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•
Of course, the last question, what would you say to someone who was sort of on the fence about taking a course like this, about how valuable it can be.
So get those four questions. Really kind of lock the information into your brain. The mp3 will be available early next. If you go to www.GrantAdamsTrainings.com, which is my new blog, I’ll be posting some thoughts about that in a little bit and would love to hear your comments and your ideas, based on some of the stuff that Neo has said. You can add to the conversation and add to the rest of the guys. So once again, go to www.GrantLikes.com/Neo. Neo, I know everyone – if we could open the lines, I’m not sure how, but they’d be thanking you profusely. I’ll do it for them. You were really terrific and I really appreciate all the hard work you’ve put in. I’ll see you soon! Good-night everybody.
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The Grant Adams Trainings
Erotic Mastery Teleseminar Transcript Session 3: Steve Piccus Tantric Ecstasy
Limits of Liability & Disclaimer of Warranty This document is for entertainment purposes only. The author, publisher, and participatings are giving no specific instruction or medical, psychological, or behavioral advice. No one connected with this document is a doctor, attorney, or mental health professional. Before engaging in any activity that is risky to yourself or another person, please consult an appropriate professional for advice. The author and publisher of this ebook and the associated materials have used their best efforts in preparing this material. The author and publisher make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this material. They disclaim any warranties expressed or implied, merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable for any loss or other damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. This material contains elements protected under International and Federal Copywright laws and treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.
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Transcript Grant:Ok, hey everybody. Once again this is Grant Adams and we’re back with our Erotic Mastery master series. A lot of us are excited about tonight. We’re going to dispense with some of the usual format simply because we always ask “What’s the one thing you learned tonight?” and you are going to learn a lot tonight. I’ve never had a discussion with Steve where I didn’t learn about 30 things, so keep your pens handy. There’s a lot of information. Steve goes fast. He’s unrelenting. He’s unique. A couple words about Steve P. He was noted in the book, The Game, for those of you who read it, as “one with magic powers,’ I believe, teaching the author magic powers. His integrity and his skill and his seriousness about what it means and how to give women pleasure really impressed obviously Neil Strauss in that book. Steve brings an absolutely unique combination of skills. One of the things I want to do, and we’ll probably begin with reviewing, what his trainings are, because a lot of guys – we want everything fast. We want our skills fast, we want results fast, but I think one thing you’ll really get tonight, and I honestly don’t think there’s another person in the world with his combination of skills, we’ll learn about how important it is to really put in some work, to really master certain skills. So I’m going to welcome Steve. Steve, you out there? Steve Piccus:
Yeah, I’m right here, man.
Grant:Beautiful, welcome. I’m just going to outline where we’re going tonight and then we’ll get there. I’m going to particularly leave a lot of time for questions. As I said, Steve goes fast. He’s like a – I hope you don’t mind if I call you like a fire hose. I’m not talking about your anatomy, I’m talking about your information. Once you turn him on, he will pour out information. It’s like having access to a sexual Library of Congress. Oh, that’s a nice pun actually. I’d like to leave a lot of time for questions and answers at the end. So please get your questions ready. I’m going to leave a little more time tonight because I really want you guys to have the chance to talk to Steve directly.
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He very rarely does anything like this teleseminar, but he just really likes what we’re doing in this community. He likes how serious people are who are taking part in this. So what we’re going to talk about tonight, what I’m going to ask Steve about is his various sources of training and how that applies to us and what we can do. We’re going to talk about giving better orgasms to women. We’re going to talk about something that Steve’s a little famous, if not notorious, for, which is ejaculatory orgasms or squirting orgasms for women. I believe he has taught over 400 women how to have squirting orgasms. We’re going to talk about why they’re actually important, what they are, and why we should care about that. Then we’re going to talk about hypnosis. One of Steve’s skill sets is he’s a master hypnotist, and how that really applies to inner game, anxiety, and anything you guys out there might want to ask about that. Then we’ll open it up for questions. So Steve, you ready to rock? Steve:
Yeah, just tell me where you want me to start.
Grant:Ok, beautiful. What I want to do first is run down a series of sources of skill sets that you’ve gathered over your many years of this kind of work. So I’m going to list them out and I’m going to ask you to say a few words about it and how guys can apply it. The first source of training that you got was in tantra. A lot of people really don’t know what tantra means, so would you say a few words about what tantra is, what your heritage of tantra is, and how it applies. Steve: Ok. I used to teach tantra the nonsexual applications and I’m actually getting attacked by some of the people because I used to only teach like soul gazing and some of the other ways to where you can really connect.
"…men will pretend to be intimate to have sex. Women will have sex to be intimate."
The thing about women is you’ve got to remember that men will pretend to be intimate or be intimate to have sex. Women will have sex to be intimate. So if you enter through their level and just become intimate and truly be there, then it all of a sudden opens up all these other doors.
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Tantra is a great vehicle for that. It’s kind of like a buzzword right now, tantra is, and a lot of people are just rehashing some of the old books that have been out there. The thing is that you’ve got to read. What I say with any knowledge is question it, use it, and if it feels right use it some more. If it doesn’t, then it doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. It just may not be right for you. Grant:Ok, do you want to say something about the origins of tantra and how you learned what you learned. And say what soul gazing is. I’m not sure everyone’s familiar with that. Steve: Where I started learning tantra was back like in the 70s because I’ve always lived with bisexual and bicurious women. I mean I’ve tried that living one-on-one stuff, but it just isn’t for me. I like living with multiple women. So we started exploring different types of tantra through the 70’s and stuff. What was the other question? Grant:Tantra grows out of the Buddhist tradition. Steve: Well, there’s a Dallas tradition and a Hindu tradition. The people that teach it on the west coast, there’s a lot of good teachers out here by the way, especially up in the Bay Area, but a lot of it I thought was just a lot of kind of hogwash. What I’m doing now is I’m teaching people how to actually use what they call the mechanical techniques. It just means you use the physical instead of spiritually connecting. There’s a spiritual and a physical side, and in the White Tiger Tantra I teach the physical applications because nobody’s really teaching this. I mean there’s five primary spots inside the vagina, which interestingly are named after men who discovered these spots that have been there all along. I’m on Sex Talk radio show and a sex therapist said, “I’ve heard of the G spot but I don’ t know of these others. What are you talking about?” So I brought up some literature and showed her and brought her up to date. But the thing is is that basically you’ve got to understand that when you’re working on a woman’s body it’s not just the vagina. It’s a holistic approach. If you don’t free a woman’s mind, if she has to do sex, it’s going to be minimal at best. But if you get her mind happy, basically it breaks down to like neurological chemistry. So if a woman’s like she has to do it, it’s not going to be very good sex. Grant:We’re going to talk about how to build an orgasm before you even get to the vagina. That’s going to be our next topic. Page 91 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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What I want to start with first is I really want to look at the sources. You said there are five spots inside the vagina that most women don’t even know about. And what about doing tantra? Does that come from that tradition? Steve: Yeah, once you go and study with some of the real Dallas masters, and if you get into some of these other circles, but they normally will just teach you a bunch of different forms of breathing usually for a couple years before you get to it. Well, that’s a long time for – we’re like a fast track society over here in the western culture. I’m not talking just the U.S., because I have people that come in from all over Europe and stuff that I’m teaching. We want instant gratification. So they don’t want to go learn like raja yoga or those breathing techniques for six months to a year just in order to learn how to sustain an orgasm. Grant:So you’ve obviously done some of these breathing – is there one or two breathing techniques you could actually teach us now? Steve: about it?
Yeah, here’s one for getting rid of stress. You want me to talk
Grant:Yeah, let’s do one breathing technique. Steve: Ok, one of the most simple basics comes from hatha yoga. I’ll direct the guys through this thing, and here’s how it goes. Just let all the breath out of your mouth, just blow it out. Now what you’re going to do is slowly in through the nose, out through the mouth. So you breathe in slowly through the nose, close your eyes, breathe slowly in through the nose and actually imagine that the breath is coming to what they call the Hara or a spot that’s three middle fingers below the belly button. That’s your center. Breathe into that spot. Then when you slowly exhale, exhale through your mouth as though you have a little straw in your mouth. Just push the air out just very gently and slow. What happens is it oxygenates the blood with this air breathing in. The closest point to the breath to bring air in is through the nose into the brain. Then you hold it in and you cycle that for three or four times, just each time remembering that once you think the breath is all the way out, contract your stomach muscles and push it all the way out. Then just wait for a couple seconds, then slowly breathe in through the nose again. It works really good for calming people down.
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Grant:So if people have anxiety going into sex or at any time, it’s a good way to calm. Steve: Or if somebody cuts you off you can just take a couple of breaths and it works really well. Grant:Alright. So tantra, just to summarize this introduction part, there are breathing elements, there are soul-gazing elements, and third there are spots on the body which I imagine has something to do with meridians and acupuncture and all that, I imagine. You mentioned the five spots within the vagina, but I want to get to that in our next section. Could you just say a word about what soul-gazing is and how someone might be able to apply that. Steve: I released a series on the soul gazing too and chakra cleansing. Soul gazing is basically about where you can actually – ok, everybody’s heard through different types of stories and different books and stuff that the gateway to the soul is through the eyes. In many traditions they talk about it and I teach it from a Celtic tradition, that the gateway to the soul is through the left eye. Then if you match breathing with the person, like you’re breathing in with your partner and exhaling at the same time, it’ll take a few breaths to get it to where you guys are metered exactly the same. Then what we do is you breathe in and exhale. Within a few breaths, what ends up happening is the life cords or ____ [18:21] cords is what the Huna shamans call it. They start connecting with what they call the center pillar [? 18:27] If you lean back after a few breaths after you look left eye to left eye with soft vision, looking all the way through, then the gateway to the soul is through the left eye. And in the Celtic tradition they say that the gateway to the mind and body is on the face. So with the peripheral vision of the right eye you look at the face. And when you breathe like this, quite often, especially women, will go “Oh my god,” because your face will shift into that of what looks like an older man, older woman, younger woman, or younger man. Sometimes power animals come out. I’ve been doing this stuff for almost 28 years. Grant:Before we get to…not everyone knows what power animals are so we’re going to take a breath here. The point of soul gazing then obviously is to deeply connect.
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Steve: It’s one of the most incredible ways to build strong intimate connections, which reminds me, one thing – if you’re going to do this stuff, don’t be going, “Oh my god, look at her tits.” If you’re thinking that thought, she’s going to go, “Dude, you’re like a creep.” You know, she’ll be able to read your thoughts from doing this. So basically if you’re going to maintain a thought, if you can’t just let your mind go quiet, then just think what a beautiful person this is to share this time and space with me. I know that sounds kind of like real hocus pocus, but then test it the other way. Some girls will slap you or just go “Dude, you’re like really rude,” because when they connect intimately like that, they’ll be able to pick up on your sensors real quick. Grant:One of the themes of these calls so far, and I know in the next few calls we’ll be getting even deeper into this, is how true it is that a woman’s sexual pleasure really begins in that early communion and the trust.
“…a woman’s sexual pleasure really beings in that early communion and the trust."
So I think we’ve been talking a little bit about that already, so soul gazing. Now you mentioned something about power animals, which brings us – I want to talk briefly, because I know we could spend easily two hours on this – the second source of your training, which is shamanic learning, and if you could say a couple words about what that is and where you learned it and how it applies. Steve: I’ve been hanging out with indigenous people for most of my life. I’ve been blessed to know a lot of healers from many different traditions, not just Indians, but all kinds of different healers. The thing is that they share their knowledge and I share my knowledge with them. Shamanism is just a way we enter into the spirit world. Some people think you can only enter in there by doing drugs and stuff, and that’s not true. You can do it through tantra. I mean for instance, one of my girlfriends, I just introduced her like two weeks ago to this extended orgasm that was 38 minutes straight and she couldn’t talk for over a day. Grant:How is that shamanic? How does that tie in? Steve: Well, when you can float up out of your body and go to other places it’s real – let’s just say magical. Shamanism is like ritual magic for indigenous people. Most of the stuff that we study as magic over here in the English-speaking land is what they call the western esoteric tradition. Page 94 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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It came from [? 4 names, inaudible at 22:03]. That’s probably like 85% of it. The other is indigenous stuff like shamans from the Hawaiian Islands, which are called Hunas, or different kinds of healers that live in forests, deserts, wherever. They’re earth-based religions basically. Grant:You said something to me once about – when you said leaving your body floating around – again, this kind of stuff may be very new to a lot of our listeners. You said to me something once that really struck me about being able to float inside the body of the person you’re making love to. Steve: Yeah, that’s kind of advanced stuff. That’ll scare the hell out of them. Here’s the thing with that, Grant. If you start doing those advanced things, like if you get a woman to even have like a 10-minute straight orgasm, she may run, freak out, and go back to Catholic church or something. It’s too much for them to handle. So the thing is is you float out and float into their bodies and [inaudible 23:11] – if it’s somebody that you really have a soul to soul connection you can do this advanced stuff, but not if it’s just like the first or second date, I don’t advise doing that. You’ll scare them. Grant:Let’s dial it way back then. I want to try to apply some – because I’m not as familiar with shaman – I know shaman and I’ve done one or two shamanic journeys. But what can someone apply on that basic level. What actual technique or knowledge can you impart here that someone can actually put to use from your shamanic background? Steve:
Ok, here’s an exercise – are you asking for an exercise?
Grant:Yup. Steve: Ok, because I’ve got tons of these, man. Here’s one. You said something before about approach anxiety. Is that ok to work with? Grant:Absolutely. So you mean approaching when you first meet a woman? Steve: Yeah, say that you see somebody and you’re hesitating and you aren’t going over and – I don’t mean you’ve got to close the deal or do something tricky or be a goofy guy. I’m just saying walk over and be a nice human to another human. Be right on with her.
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Most people screw it up by just sitting there staring at her. I mean it’s like back in junior high school, standing across and looking – wanting to dance with a girl and not going over and talking and she finds somebody else to dance. The thing is, she may be dying to talk to you, too. But here’s the thing. That hesitation – you know, they call it approach anxiety. They’ve got all kinds of labels for this stuff. Here’s the way to do it. Can I run you through the exercise? Grant:Absolutely. Steve: Ok. Close your eyes. If you’re doing these exercises – I don’t know if these guys listening to it if they’re going to be driving. If they are, they should not be doing this when they’re driving. So make sure they’re in a safe comfortable place, phone unplugged, and please understand that because this process sounds – I mean it took me years to fine tune to where I could relate this to people. It’s going to be very simple, but it works incredibly well for people that are anxious, like anxieties or depression issues. Here’s how it goes. Find a comfortable place that’s safe that you can just sit down and listen to this recording. Put your feet flat on the ground, arms and legs uncrossed. Close your eyes for a minute. Think about a situation or event where there’s been a problem with approaching. Let’s use approach anxiety, where you were holding that back for whatever the reason. Now what I want you to do is close your eyes for a moment, and this is the shamanistic part, it sounds a little weird, but if you do this it will help you. Go in and think of that situation or event. Now drag it through the body. There may be two spots, there may be three spots, there may be four. Here’s what’s important about those different spots. Our issues get trapped in the tissues, so here’s what you do. You [inaudible 26:10] all those are connected. It’s like a network, a neurological network. Notice how they’re all connected. Is it connected by a blob? Is it threads? Is it a chain? Why don’t I do it like with you, Grant. How would it be connected in your case? Grant:I’m feeling it in my upper armpits, sort of where my shoulder meets my chest. Steve:
Ok, and where else. Page 96
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Grant:That’s as far as I got. Steve:
I’ve got three spots on you.
Grant:Maybe the back of my head? Steve: Ok, where else? There’s one at the solar plexus is what I see. But anyway, notice how it’s connected? That’s the stomach, upper stomach. That’s usually a control issue, but I’ll leave that for somebody else to analyze. Ok, see how it’s connected. So if I start going sideways and explaining all of it I won’t finish the process. Grant:It could be [inaudible 27:05] pancakes, but ok. Steve: Ok, notice how it’s all connected? And then what I want you to do is zip it up between. Keep your eyes closed and put it between that space, between the eyelids and the eyes. What color would it be? Grant:I got blue. Steve: Ok. And for those guys that are listening that maybe didn’t get a color, pretend you can get a color. Make it up. Pretend, imagine. Now imagine you’re not imagining it and make it the most perfect color that that is. Now Grant, back to you. With that blue what I want you to do is hold your hands out in front of your face, hands open but together, and open your eyes and shoot that out so it’s about a blue – it’s about the size of tennis ball in your hand. So shoot it out. Are you holding [inaudible 27:57] Grant:Got it. Steve:
Ok, now give it a label. Whatever you call that anxiety or whatever.
Grant:Got it. Steve:
Ok, tell me the label.
Grant:Lava. Don’t know why. Steve:
Ok, flip it over. What’s the opposite color?
Grant:Red. Steve: Ok. What was the opposite – and you can just go ‘uh huh.’ You don’t have to say this stuff out loud. What would the opposite be? Page 97 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:What do you mean? Steve: Ok, blue was one label. You flipped it over and you got the opposite color. What’s the opposite meaning? Grant:The meaning of the red? Steve:
Yeah.
Grant:The word that came to me was earth. I don’t know why. Steve: Ok, now flip it back over. The blue one you had lava. You flip it over and the opposite of lava was earth. And this is an anxiety that you had? Grant:Yeah, that’s how it started. Steve: Ok, ok. I’m not going to question it. Now what I need you to do is turn it to where you can see the blue on one side and the red on the other. Now take it as though you’re spinning them apart to where the blue was the first color. You take the blue one apart and take the red and put it underneath the blue. Grant:Ok. Steve: Now take that blue and move your hand straight across and freeze it into like a thin piece of ice. Grant:So I’m like squishing it? Steve: No, just let it go like a thin piece of ice. Tell me when the blue is frozen into ice. Grant:Ok. Steve:
That’s the thing that you were uncomfortable with, right?
Grant:Ok. Steve: Now let the red turn into a flame, just use your imagination, use the unlimited power of your mind to do this. See that flame. The flame could be purple, blue, green, whatever color, but it’s that other color, the opposite color. So red was the opposite color, so just turn it into a flame and see it melt that ice and let it steam away as though it was steam coming off of a pan boiling on your kitchen stove. Grant:Cool. Steve:
Let me know when that blue color’s all the way gone. Page 98
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Grant:It’s gone. Steve:
Ok, let the red go all the way up into it.
Grant:The fire’s going out. Steve: Ok, let it go all the way into it. Now push it together with your hand like the size of a ball. Grant:Ok. Steve: Now open your eyes, keep them wide open. Bring this ball, this is the thing that you wanted to benefit from, bring this ball back into your eye and take a breath in. Now close your eyes and exhale. Now four breaths. Breathe in, focus on that spot at the lower part of the belly. Hold it, then exhale and focus on the head. Keep your eyes closed. Focus on the belly, breathe in, exhale and focus on the head. Focus on the belly, breathe in, exhale and focus on the head. Breathe in, focus on the belly, exhale and focus on the head. Open your eyes and let that surge to all those places where that other color had been. Now here’s where it becomes the test. Close your eyes, and I didn’t perform frontal lobotomies on anyone. Instead what we did was we changed the trapped emotion. So what I want you to do is you may remember the players, the situation and all that. That’s healthy. But try to bring back any emotional charge to that feeling that you had. Grant:It’s not there. Steve: Yeah, that’s what it does. It neutralizes it and now having stopped that which was a problem, it sets a new formation in there so you’ll feel this new opposite feeling in a resourceful way just a millisecond or two before that other thought can even happen. Grant:So this comes out shamanic? This sounds like hypnosis on some level to me. Steve:
Well, what is hypnosis?
Grant:You got me. That was my next question. Page 99 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Steve: Hypnosis is dependent on – the big fight in hypnosis is are we using Bernstein or Charcot method, if you want to really talk about the history of it. These two schools are still fighting to this day. The thing is with hypnosis, one of them takes them maternal, which was the Charcot school, and Bernstein was the more aggressive, more paternal. Grant:What I want to know is how guys can – I mean there’s a lot here. There’s a lot here in hypnosis, so if I can interrupt, I’m sorry, what I want to know is how they can apply – well, first of all how you apply, without getting too much into the history, how you apply hypnosis to increased sexuality or increased sexual pleasure. Steve: A lot of people complain about this one, too. If I’m with a girlfriend and she’s all banged up or messed up in the head, I’m going to talk with her, find out what the problems are, and help her resolve that, instead of just trying to get some action, instead of just trying to lay her. Now a lot of people go, “Well, then she’s going to be your client. She’s like a client and how can you do that?’ I go, “Well, I don’t believe that. I believe she’s my friend. If my friends have problems, I help my friends.” If we have a personal relationship I don’t charge her money. If we have a professional relationship, I do charge her money. Grant:What are some hypnotic – I don’t want to say techniques, but hypnotic let’s say skills that a guy can bring not only to his own confidence but to increasing trust, relaxation, and joy for a partner. Steve: You know what a lot of people are calling hypnosis right now is like the Ericsonian conversational stuff. A lot of those patterns and that stuff are going around through the community right now. The thing is, the Ericsonian and the NLP and all that stuff, it’s really useful stuff. But the thing is that when people run into problems, like when they start moving people’s pictures and stuff, they really want to get some real training on it before they start using a lot of it because I got into a lot of rework on a lot of girls because guys were trying to amplify something. Not because guys were being mean or being jerks, but just accidentally they embedded something else and kind of shut the girls down. So the thing is that if you want to help a girl relax, is that what you’re asking?
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Grant:Yeah, obviously with integrity. Just number one there are some hypnotic techniques that you and I talked about for guys just for themselves, some to help women relax so as they get to deep orgasm, they can have deeper trust, deeper pleasure. Steve: Part of the thing is if they learn soul-gazing, if they practice the soul-gazing, they’ll get – look, once they relax and build that level of rapport with the ladies, the ladies want to rock and roll. They love when there’s something real magical or metaphysical involved with this stuff. I mean even real science girls – I had some computer nerd girlfriends. They were digital heads. Grant:Part of the purpose of these calls is to really try to get across as much useable information as possible. So I’m wondering – and again, this is honestly from a place of integrity, not as a way to hypnotize somebody so you can take advantage of them, but are there any great techniques, sort of easy techniques you can convey to us that could deepen that trust or pleasure and relaxation?
“There are some hypnotic techniques… to help women relax so as they get to deep orgasm, they can have deeper trust, deeper pleasure."
Steve: Yeah, don’t have secondary gains when you’re talking to the women. It sounds real pansy, but the truth of it is be sincere. If there’s any women on the call I apologize for my bluntness here, but look it, they’ve got the prime piece of real estate that every guy wants to hop on and plant some seeds in. The bottom line on it is they’ve had that ever since there was grass growing in that field. Now the bottom line on it is if you come across like being sneaky and stuff, they catch it. If they’re real hungry and horny they’ll still go for it, but if you want to build relationships or have sustained relationships where you can really build equity, like with a companion, you’ve got to be able to be trustworthy, and that means being worthy of their trust. That means don’t try to connive them out of it. Grant:Next week we’re going to be talking about the word ‘deliberate,’ about really being very straightforward, up front, about all these things. So we’re definitely going to get deeper into that. But you raise an interesting question. I wonder if there’s a way, instead of thinking “What techniques can I use?” – are there any – and again, my understanding of hypnosis is not nearly as deep as yours. Are there any techniques or processes that you can do with a woman together that creates sort of a heightened state? Page 101 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Steve: Well, if you do the soul-gazing. If you do that right and you keep your mind straight as enjoying her as a human instead of just a piece of ass – Grant:That’s pretty revolutionary. Steve: I’ll tell you what, I mean I’ve worked on these psychic women and I’ve worked with girlfriends that were doctors, lawyers, waitresses, strippers, and when you start soul-gazing with them they go “Oh my god, I’ve never had anybody connect this deep with me.” It doesn’t matter their profession. They still are women when you get them out of a business suit and they still want to be known for who they are, not just a set of tits and ass. I know a lot of guys just go, “Well, how do I get laid?” The thing is, I mean I don’t go out to just get laid. I mean I like women and I have some women that are just my buddies and we cruise. The other ones, like I date only bisexual and bicurious women. Some guys go, “When do you approach that question?” It’s usually the first thing out of my mouth. Grant:Which brings us to the fourth source of skills that I wanted to point to. We talked about tantra, we talked about shamanic learning, we talked a little about hypnosis. The fourth one I wanted to point out is that you rode with the Hell’s Angels [38:49]. Steve:
Well, don’t mention any bikers’ names, ok? That’s not real healthy.
Grant:It’s not real healthy, but something I like about you is that you’re incredibly direct. I don’t know if you learned it there or anywhere else, but you know what you want and you stand for what you want. So I didn’t know if there was anything else you learned there that you wanted to share with us. Steve: When I grew up I was like the little kid around – not just the Angels [39:14] but I mean there were a lot of bikers and stuff that we all hung out. I mean they were like my big brothers. We called them citizens, or the square kids, when I was growing up because they all tried to be just something that they weren’t, and they all hated us. But I didn’t care.
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The thing that the biker ladies liked about us was if there was going to be sex, it was just sex. It wasn’t just – you weren’t going to own them, they weren’t going to own you, you’d just rock and roll. So the thing is is that like all through high school, [inaudible 39:53] high school girls, there was a couple that wanted to go out with me because I didn’t want to go out with them, you know little cheerleader things… Grant:But what you seemed to learn back then and that’s carried through in your life, and the reason I bring it up because of your great quote, which is “Competence breeds confidence,” I mean there’s something very confident about how you approach your sexual life. You know what you like. You know the kind of woman you would go out with, and you won’t waste your time at all with someone who’s not in your range. Steve: But see, I’ve also gone out with lingerie models and actresses. But the thing is is that it’s not just because they’re cute or something. It’s that I connect with them. I mean one of the last actress girls that I went out with, I went up to her and I was trying to prove to this friend of mine who’s a doctor, I go, “It’s not the lines. You don’t have to memorize a million damn lines.”
“It’s not the lines. You don’t have to memorize a million damn lines."
I go, “The greatest seducer was Pepe LePeu.” I go, “Watch.” We were walking around this place called the Old Fort in Montreal and this girl was working at a kiosk selling leather bracelets. I said, “Come here, man. That’s what I do here.” I go walking right up to her and she had beautiful green eyes, beautiful Canadian-French girl. I go walking up to her, I stick my face right about 3” from her, and I go “You know, most guys probably look right at your breasts and say ‘You know, you have the most beautiful brown eyes I’ve ever seen.’” And then I turned my head back and looked right in her face and go, “I could never be that rude nor disrespectful. I’d rather look at your beautiful green eyes and say ‘These are the most beautiful breasts I’ve seen in the last five minutes.’” And then I break into Pepe LePeu. I go, “Ah, I can see. She’s trying to resist me. But she’s a romantic one. She wants to play Julio and Romiet.” And she’s stunned. I just go, “Ma’am, thank you for your time. I’ll talk to you later.” I go walking off and she comes chasing after me, giving me her phone number. Page 103 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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I said, “I don’t do phone numbers. If you want to call me, here’s my card. Call me sometime and we’ll go drink a coffee.” But the thing is just being out there, just going out talking. I go out and have fun with it. Grant:Yes, that’s what I wanted to say. There’s a fun and a boldness. You don’t hold back. It’s a good thing. I don’t know why I tied it to your biker background, but it’s just who you are. Steve: Maybe it is the biker – I mean everybody keeps telling me, like this psychologist I just did work with goes, “My god, I thought [inaudible 42:20] meant gestalt. You’re the gestalt of hypnosis.” When I want to get something done, I don’t want to walk and look at the clouds with the guy. I’m there for just one reason. Let’s get results. Grant:Good, great. Steve: And that’s pretty much what it is with my relationships, too. It’s like first of all my relationships, whether it’s platonic or intimate, if they aren’t faithful, loyal, true, trustworthy, and honest, they aren’t in my life. I might still sell them some stuff or do business with them, but the thing is if you’ve always got to question who your inner circle of friends are, can you trust them, can you not? You don’t even have a place called home because you’re so messed up all the time. Grant:Let’s talk about the results. You’re a no-BS kind of guy and I definitely told the community that that’s how you live your life and that’s how you approach, really giving pleasure to women. So let’s talk a little about results. Let’s talk about orgasms, because it is one of your specialties. One of the great things about your White Tiger tantra DVD set, which is ultimately about squirting orgasms, there’s a lot of time you spend before you ever get to the vagina. What I wanted to go into a little bit, I want you to walk us through about four or five things guys can do to increase women’s pleasure before they even get to the vagina. If that involves obviously energy and some other hip openings. So I’d like to walk through some real specific things guys can do to increase women’s pleasure, not having to do with the vagina. Steve: Ok, first of all, there’s five DVDs. The two last DVDs are really good because it’s the raw cut. The first three DVDs we spent a lot of time editing.
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We break it down into traditional massage, which is like deep tissue shiatsu and Swedish massage all mixed together. Then we have sensual massage, which you aren’t going to learn at a massage school. It’s like when I went through over 1,000 hours of training they’d tell us not to touch these spots because it would make people think about sex. I go, “Bullshit, I’m going to damn sure touch those spots. Are you out of your mind?” But anyway, the thing is, if you can get the tension out of her body, the thing is that you can open the gateways. If tension is in a man’s body or a woman’s body, I only date women of course, but the thing is, guys if you’re real tensed up you’re not going to be up to performance either. The thing is it’s because what they call the sympathetic nervous system, where the fight or flight adrenaline drug comes popping into us, the thing is when you get relaxed – it’s why people like to smoke and all that other stuff, because it gets them into the relaxed mode. That opens up the parasympathetic. If they open the parasympathetic up, what ends up happening is it releases what they call endorphins or endomorphins. What’s really cool about those is – let’s go back to talking about women. When you get her out of the adrenaline state and you can relax her and talk with her, let her be happy about these other things. Like with soul-gazing, all of a sudden her endorphins are going to be flying, but also if she’s getting like in the mood and stuff, what happens is the dopamines and the oxytocins start releasing through her body. A lot of it comes from conversation, but it’s kind of like fishing for bass. If all you’re looking for is regular sunfish, you throw any worm in there and pull anything out. That’s what you get. You’ve got to use a little bit more finesse when you’re going for bass. Grant:Ok, let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about sensual enhancement massage. Can you give an example of what that is? Steve: Yeah, with sexual enhancement massage I actually get underneath the pressure points under the natural cup line of the breasts and around the areola, the nipple part. Not the top of the nipple, but the like silver dollar piece. If you trace around the outside of that and then you trace underneath with your fingers and you bring – well, bringing the chi up might not be something these guys are used to either, but you bring chi up and you move it underneath her natural cup line and you’ll get erect nipples because you’re releasing oxytocins. Page 105 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:Let’s talk very physically about what this means. So you’re talking about bringing energy up from the belly? Steve: Yeah, every place on earth practices martial arts these days. Go learn some Chi Kung or any of that stuff that’ll teach you how to bring energy up. What you do is you can throw it through your hands through the five points – it’ll go out of your fingertips. It’s real light pulsing, but the more you practice it the more the pulse you get. Grant:So you’re bringing energy up from the chi, from the stomach area… Steve: From the stomach area, and you’re breathing it out – do you want me to go through the exercise with you? Grant:I would love it, yes. Steve: Ok, what you do is – say you’re right-handed. Take your right hand, stick it out, and then what you do is you imagine that there’s a big fire just barreling up in your stomach on the inside and it feels wonderful and pleasant. You can actually close your eyes and just smell the wood burning. Just let it go. Just big flames, just arcing up, and all the sudden hold your hand straight out and you just let that shoot right out through the hand going all the way out like a fire hose busting out through the wall and going around the earth, cycling over and over and over. When we do this at seminars, we have guys test it and what happens is the arm is relaxed but this energy moving through is just pulsing through. It’s the way the martial artists – you know about martial arts – it’s like Japanese call it Qi. The Chinese call it Chi. The Hawaiians call it mara [? 48:33] or breath of life that they move into. Grant:But it’s a kind of energy and kind of energetics – it’s real. Steve: Yeah, well, electricity – you can’t see it but we know that we turn the switch on and it makes the damn lights go on, right? Well, chi and qi and all these other things are like electricity of our bodies. Grant:So let’s say I’m a guy sitting on this call and listening to this. I have no experience in martial arts. How do I apply that now? What am I looking to do with understanding the energy of how the body works? Steve: The thing of it is that almost every place in the world that I’ve traveled there’s places that teach chi kung or tai chi. First of all, if I don’t have any schools that teach tai chi so I’m not making anything.
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I’m just saying I went through a whole lot of martial arts study myself. I also went through a lot of massage training and all that. Some of the guys who took my advice and took weekend or week-long massage courses, like shiatsu or even Swedish massage, just learning that component will greatly enhance – I mean women love when you get the tension out of their back and stuff. It will release energy through them, even if you aren’t sure about it. If you want to feel more energy, take something like tai chi. They have yin and yang fighting styles with it. That’s real slow motion, but what ends up happening is you start learning how to feel the energy. Grant:So I would say it’s very hard to really attain great erotic mastery without understanding even the basics of some of these things, understanding how chi works, how energy moves up and down the body. You were talking about how to manipulate energy beneath the cup line of the breast. Steve: Right. It’s all on those videos. We set up the videos up so that the traditional massage [inaudible section 50:32] when we’re bouncing inside the vagina, but if they practice the traditional massage, I mean we put a bunch of money into producing that video and it’s done really well. It shows people and they can go step-by-step, and it’s easy to get women – if you just take a woman and say, “Look it, I’m learning how to do massage from this teacher out in California. We’ve got his videos.” Just get a massage table, put her on it, it’s easy to get women to volunteer to get a massage. Grant:That’s true, and if they look at your videos, I have not met a woman who isn’t interested. By the way, when I start bringing up what’s on the videos, which I want to get to know – Steve: Well, actually the women will start going, “Let’s see the sensual enhancement massage. We’ve seen that other one.” And if you just go, “Let’s get through the massage part first. I want to get all the points on the feet and all,” they’ll go, “I want to get to the other one.” They’ll start pushing you. Grant:That’s actually very clever, the other one being squirting orgasm. You’re saying slow them down, make sure they understand that you don’t get to squirting orgasms without the sensual enhancement massage. Steve: The reason being is what ends up happening, and a lot of the [inaudible 51:42] over here, we sell everything by tits and ass. Everything in them is marketed by sex, right? The Puritan view about it is if a woman starts to engage in it, she’s like going to be perceived as a slut or something. So it gives her guilt and all this stuff. Page 107 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Basically if you can get them to relax first – what you got to do is you do the regular massage. The reason you’re doing sexual enhancement massage is because when guys are looking at their tits and ass, if you watch the way guys watch women, not even the guys that are going “wooo wooo” and all that “…in the sensual stuff, but just guys staring them down, if women are enhancement massage walking half-way sensually where their hips and I get increased range pelvis are really moving, all the sudden they freeze their ass because it’s like an advertisement and of motion in the hip they’re afraid to display for the guys, because and pelvic region…it they’re thinking, “Oh my god, I may be getting attacked.” pumps more blood So it’s a survival mode. Well, after so many years of doing it, women start freezing up the mobility, the range of motion if you will, the range of motion of their hips and pelvis.
into that area."
One of the things that I do pretty extensively in the sensual enhancement massage is I get the increased range of motion in the hip and pelvic region. What ends up happening then is by increasing the range of motion it pumps more blood into that area. Also when youget the spasms out in the sensual enhancement massage, it increases the blood flow. With blood flow comes these vasodilators called nitric oxide. When that opens up, then all of a sudden it gives more room for the electricity running through the nerves. You’ve got to understand, inside the vagina there’s over 8,000 nerve fibers that correspond and interact with an additional 15,000+ all through the hip and pelvic region. Now if some of those circuits are shut down, what if somebody came through your house and shut off a bunch of random breakers? Some of the light switches work, some of them don’t. Grant:One of the real things I learned from your CDs, by the way, was how much attention you did put to the hips. I want people to understand exactly what you mean when you say to increase the range of motion in the hips, because you put a lot of attention into the hips. Steve: Yeah, it’s really hard to explain it, but the thing is that I watch how women walk out on the street, but I’ve been trained in this stuff for a lot of years. I watch and I can see how they’re frozen up. When I start increasing their range of motion… Grant:Range of motion of what exactly? Page 108 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Steve:
Of the pelvis.
Grant:Is that side to side? Steve: Well, the side to side is more like a hip movement. The pelvis is what moves it back and forward, when they walk, and it’s kind of like when you watch a martial artist or a ballerina walk, their head doesn’t bob up and down. Well, a lot of girls that are walking, their heads are bopping up and down like little puppets or something. When you get their hips readjusted – not readjusted, I don’t do chiropractic stuff, but they call them PMF, it’s muscle resistance type of massage work. All we do is we get them to increase it to where it’s almost like they’re walking and their floating. Grant:So what are you physically doing to the hips? What are you physically…. Steve: Ok, I’m pushing against the top of the hip bone and I have them resist and push against me, right? They I reach and grab the back of the butt and then have them pull back. Every set of muscles, every woman has a set of push and pull muscles, so we start letting those muscles go further than what they were going before. Grant:So just to recap, you have them push and you resist, both upwards lying on their back, when they push upwards you’re pressing down on the hip bone, and then the other side you reach under and have them press down and you’re pushing up just on the bottom of the butt there? Steve: Right, on both sides, and then I push on top of the pubic bone and I’ll hold underneath their butt and have them try to pull back. Grant:Ok, so that’s to increase range of motion. I just wanted to make sure that was clear. Now let’s get to squirting orgasms. Why are squirting orgasms important to women? Steve: First of all, if a woman isn’t releasing [inaudible 56:42] when she’s getting sexually excited, a lot of women suppress having an orgasm ejaculate out their front. Now the reason they do that is because they get embarrassed and think they’re peeing. Now the thing is that the fluid that’s emitted, it’s a prostatic fluid. It’s created in whey they call the periurethra gland, like the Skeen’s gland and all of those. Anyway, what ends up happening is it’s not pee. It comes out of the same tube, the urethra. Page 109 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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The thing is that the G spot and all those three spots that are around it that are so magical, that’s actually called the urethral sponge. What ends up happening is it fills up with this prostatic fluid. Now if it’s not ejaculated out the front and there’s penetration, whether it’s by dildo, finger, or penis, whatever it is, it gets pushed back through the urethra tube back into the bladder. So there’s an increase of bladder infections in women. So what the medical community has done is tell people to pee before sex and pee after sex. That way it shouldn’t be a problem. The thing is, if they learn to have orgasms naturally, because the urethra sponge, which is called the G spot, the A spot, and the U spot, the thing is if that starts really getting filled, it’s spongy tissue. Then what happens is when they go to ejaculate it will squirt right out the front. When I’m first training women I just put them on a towel in the bathtub and go, “Look, if you pee so what, let the stuff go.” The first thing they’ll say is, “Am I peeing? It doesn’t feel like I’m peeing.” I say, “No, it’s not pee because it’s clear and it doesn’t smell like urine.” But also after you get done working and manipulating the G spot with the different hand positions and stuff, what ends up happening is they’ll go, “I do have to pee now.” Then they’ll go and pee. I go, “Did that feel like the same thing?” and they go, “No, it’s completely different. That was peeing. I don’t even know what that other stuff was.” I mean their bodies will shake and stuff, because when you start hitting all these pressure points where all these massive amounts of nerves are, especially if you get the spasms and stuff out of the muscles inside the vagina, they will be very grateful to you. The thing is, like if you have a muscle in the back, the trapezius muscle, right in the middle there’s an acupuncture point called gallbladder 21. That’s what causes tendonitis. Now here’s what happens. If you have that where it’s all stressed and it has spasms, if you try to lift with that arm all of a sudden you have a restriction of movement. If you get that worked out through massage, then all of a sudden you have an increased range of motion and the mobility works better, the muscle works better. Page 110 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Well, similar to that the series of muscles that are in the vagina and all the nerves that are related to those muscles, if you get the spasms out and get it to relax where the muscles can get blood flowing and all that instead of being tense, then all of a sudden – another thought’s coming into my mind here too about Kegels…we’ve got to talk about Kegels, it’s real important – Grant:I want to stay focused on this for a second now. Did you want to say something else there? Steve: Well, basically what you want to do is you want to make sure that you get the spasms out, because if the muscles are relaxed it will engorge, both on the outside like in the vulva outside the vagina, and on the inside of the vagina. Grant:So you’re saying it’s really an internal massage. Steve:
Yeah.
Grant:Ok, and now we’re talking about the G spot, which is just if you hook your finger up inside – Steve: Well, it’s not just the G spot. Before I even get to the G spot I do the side walls, I do what they call the crest of the cervical cap – Grant:Alright let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about what exactly do you do to the side walls? You massage the side walls pretty vigorously I’ve noticed. Steve: Guys go, “God, do you hate women?” and women go, “I bet that would feel good.” See I do focus groups. I’m even working with these pro volleyball players down in L.A. It’s like so funny, man. The thing about doing focus groups with the videos is yeah the women are showing up, but they aren’t having very good orgasms and they’re there to find out why. Grant:You know one of the things you said, just to take a step back, when I asked you what you do you said, “I teach women who think their pussies are dead how to wake them up.”
“This is a gift…You really open women to what’s possible."
I just want to step back. All this talk, I mean a lot of women think that they can’t even orgasm regularly, much less ejaculatory orgasms. So this is a gift. This is really not something just for fun. You really open women to what’s possible, and something you learned is that a lot of women really don’t know that much about their own vaginas.
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Steve: Yeah, I even teach lesbians how to be better lovers with their lesbian lovers. You know that five years ago on the DSM-IV and in the Canadian Medical Journal there were five new, they call them diseases, for women that were anorgasmic, they couldn’t have orgasms. When they went in to study these related issues, what they found was women would learn how to fake an orgasm because that way they could keep their male or female partners still there. “Well, even if I have a dead pussy..” – I mean I hear this over and over from women. This doesn’t mean I’m a mean ass of a guy. They go, “Even though I have a dead pussy, if I fake it real good she’s not going to know the difference or he won’t know the difference, and that way we can still have a semblance of a normal life or we can have all the other parts of a life, like a home and all these other things.” Grant:Well, this is what we’re definitely trying to avoid in this community, I’ll tell you that. So I want to get back to how do we make sure they have great orgasms. So you said first you work the side wall of their vagina. So if they’re lying on their back, what is it that you recommend people do in terms of working side walls? Steve: Ok, first of all you’ll see on the video there what I’ve done. I have a bolster underneath her butt. Now people think I do it just so I can get more height out of her. What it’s doing is it’s forcing – now that girl that’s in the video came to me and she goes, “I hope you’re not wasting your time, because my thing – it doesn’t work.” And this is a girl that’s 23 years old. I just go, “No, no, no. First of all we’re changing that. Here’s the deal. You’re never calling that thing a thing again. From this point forward, I’m going to give it a name and in 24 hours if you don’t have a prettier or a cuter name, it’s going to stay this name.” Grant:What did she end up – Steve:
I called it koochie.
Grant:Ok, well let me ask, what did you do to koochie on the sides? Steve: On the sides, I put her legs up. I moved her back and you have to start smooth. You have to introduce yourself, because most girls aren’t used to having something jammed in and out, right? And keep vibrators out of there, guys. I mean I’m really opposed to it because it numbs out the dendrites, the nerve endings and stuff. Grant:So you’re in there on the sides, you lift up her butt… Page 112 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Steve: We’re on the sides and she’s belly up, like her tits are up at you. You put the legs back and then as you go in you put two or three fingers in and gently go up and down, so like her clit would be 12 o’clock. So you go from 12 o’clock down to the 6 o’clock position and you just keep rubbing smoothly and increasing pressure. Then you go to the other side and you start gentle pressure and start just slowly adding more pressure on. Grant:And it’s really well lubricated. Steve: Grape seed oil. We use grape seed because it’s high in vitamin E, and we use avocado and walnut oils. They have a very good viscosity. They’re absorbable vitamins so it’s good for the muscle tone, even though it’s an internal muscle. It’s still good for the muscles. So basically then what we do is we come down and say her clit is right there at 6 o’clock. What I’ll do then is I’ll put two fingers in what we call just straight out and I’ll start doing like a figure 8 or an infinity sign, pushing down on the nerves that run on that posterior fornix. It’s the thin skin lining and there’s incredible amounts of nerves that run up through there and it runs right up on this side of the wall as well. When you start moving the figure 8 on the bottom side there, you may find that she starts talking Chinese and stuff to you. That means keep doing it. I mean translated it usually translates, “Thanks, Steve. You’re such a wonderful guy. Can you keep doing that a little bit more?” Grant:Ok, so that’s massage. And then you said something about massaging the spasms inside. I’m a little curious about that. You talked about massaging the cervical cap, is that what you said? You’re actually going – Steve: It’s called the crest of the cervical cap. Basically it’s like as soon as you reach – I don’t know how much you guys have reached inside vaginas, but I’ve reached into a lot of them. Anyway, when you reach in there’s a little crest before it goes down into the cervical cavity where the cervix is resting down there. Anyway, if you move all the way around and just palpate around, several girls will start orgasming right there because it’s a part that most guys and other girls totally avoid. But there’s a lot of nerves. Like where the crest is some of them will actually have like a lip that goes into that little cavern inside there. Grant:Now this is just at the bottom of the uterus, right? Page 113 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Steve:
Right.
Grant:Just to be straight. I want to make sure everyone’s clear. So the cervix is obviously the bottom of the uterus. So you’re saying behind? It’s just behind? Steve: No, when you go in the vagina and then you go in – like you know when you stick your fingers in and it feels like it balloons up into a hole inside there? Before it goes over the edge into the ballooning area down there, you can reach right into the crest there and flip around there and massage it. And be gentle, because you’ve got to understand a lot of these nerve areas have never been touched except just rammed and jammed. “One of the greatest So when you do it very gently, and a lot of times the slower you go the faster you’ll proceed with massage techniques. Start with lighter pressure, then increase it. One of the greatest sexual tools is communication. I know this sounds corny, but if you talk to her and just go, “How is that? Is it ok?” or look at her face. If her eyes are rolling around you don’t have to ask anything.
sexual tools is communication… If her eyes are rolling around you don’t have to ask anything."
Grant:Great, ok, so that’s the cervical ridge we’re talking about. And let’s just finally talk a little bit about the G spot area, the sponge. Then I want you to say one word about what happens with the kind of squirting orgasm, because it’s a much different physiological effect than just a regular old orgasm, although there’s nothing wrong with regular old orgasms, right? Steve: Well, they’re not as long as the woman will ejaculate out. If they don’t then it goes back into the bladder and there can be some medical problems that arise from that. Grant:But there’s an increased pleasure, it seems, from these squirting orgasms. Steve: Well, increased pleasure plus there’s other benefits. Once women become comfortable and go, “Wow, it’s not pee,” then she just feels comfortable and can let it go. The thing is that it just relaxes, it just sends the oxytocins and the endorphins running through their body. The thing is that when that happens you’re going to have a greatly enhanced relationship with this person. You want to talk about the G spot, the urethra sponge? Page 114 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:Yeah, what don’t most guys know about that? I mean most guys I imagine know something about the G spot. It’s that little sponge – again, if you sort of hook your finger in from the front and up… Steve: OK, actually if you put a pillow under her rear end and then pop her legs back, everybody does that “come to me” and that’s what we call the yin position. The yang position is using the ring finger and middle finger and vigorously pumping that sponge, bouncing her up and down, kind of like what would be bouncing a bowling ball up and down on a bed. You have to be very vigorous. Now again, guys think “Oh my god, you’re going to tear that thing off.” Women go, “Oh my god, do you think you could do that with me?” Grant:Yeah, so in other words when you say vigorous, we mean really vigorous, we mean really pumping your arm. It’s not just a light – Steve: And if you’re not going to be vigorous, don’t do it because you’ll make her mad. It’s like you’re teasing a promise that you’re not going to deliver. Grant:Wow. Alright, you know what I want to do, I want to open up the lines a little. So what we’re going to do is I believe the directions are you press *5, and I’m going to check with Mark, who’s monitoring the call. I’m sorry, it’s 5*, and we’re just going to open it up. We’ve covered a lot. We’ve talked a little bit about hypnosis, about soul-gazing, which is cool because I hadn’t planned on talking about that. Again it brings us back always always on these calls to trust, communication, and communion or connection, that relaxes a woman and there’s a whole series of physiological processes when women are relaxed that allows them to experience sex much more than usual. I don’t think it affects us as much, but certainly for them. So we have some hands raised, so we’re going to open up some lines. When you are unmuted please say your name and where you’re calling from. Caller: This is Jimmy from Baton Rouge. Steve, I love the DVDs so much. In fact I’m thinking about getting a White Tiger Tantra tattoo. But one of the questions I had is I have a pituitary brain tumor and I’ve heard that it affects as far as chakra balancing and cleansing and it limits you as far as any kind of shamanistic practices or going higher consciousness and things like that. Any thoughts on that? Page 115 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Steve: There’s a guy named Dr. Jim Duke who for over 60 years he’s been studying herbs. He worked with the United States Department of Agriculture and he’s a friend of ours. He works with a lot of the shamans down in South America. In his book, the Green Pharmacy – now I’m not prescribing anything. Read the book, but here’s what I’ll tell you. When he was with the United States Department of Agriculture his main focus was in fact on herbs that heal, specifically herbs that heal tumors and cancers. Now there was a thing discovered at Harvard University called angiogenesis. In order for any tumor to exist it [inaudible 72:21] blood line and then it has to create another blood vessel coming to it to feed it. Read the book and you can go – because it was government work – you can go online and download the studies. But red clover actually starves the tumors because it shuts off the electricity and stops the angiogenesis from occurring. Now I said go to a doctor, do this in conjunction with the doctor. See, Dr. Duke got his Ph.D. in herbs that heal and he worked with the United States Department of Agriculture. If you have a doctor, and you’re in Louisiana? Caller:
That’s correct.
Steve: Yeah, you’ve probably got a lot of those voodoo folks down there so you can probably get a doctor who understands this isn’t too crazy. Grant:So you said Jim Duke is the name? Steve: Dr. James Duke. As a matter of fact, if you guys are ever having problems – I know this is supposed to be about just girls, but if you ever are having problems with the hydraulics working, fava beans. Sprout the fava beans and it’ll put dopamines in you and it gives you all kinds of hydraulics. That’s also in that book. The book is called The Green Pharmacy and I make nothing for referring it. I just like good material to be out there for guys. Grant:And it’s fava beans but they have to be sprouting, actually in the process of sprouting, right? Steve: Right, or you can eat them but you get the higher concentration if you sprout the fava beans. You can cook the fava beans and you’ll still get it, but cooked slows down some of the enzymes and you don’t get the concentration of dopamines. Page 116 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Another thing to increase serotonin, which the Italians seem to understand, is a small bowl of pasta, because when you digest it it releases serotonin in your system. Grant:Yeah, that’s why we like pasta so much. Hey Jimmy, are you still there? Caller:
Yes, I’m still here.
Grant:Can I ask you a question on behalf of everyone on the call? Caller:
Sure.
Grant:You’ve seen the DVD,s, the White Tiger tantra DVDs? Caller:
Yes I have, absolutely.
Grant:What struck you? What did you learn from them that you didn’t know that you think would be valuable? Caller: Well, the most amazing part to me of course is the awakening. Whenever you can have your partner and you work with her and get all the stress points out of them and then work them up, and then get the flexibility, it’s sometimes a long process. But when you awaken your partner to all the – I mean, it’s just magical the way they become. Steve: Let’s talk about the face, we call that the face of the angel because they get like this “total innocence but I love you baby” look on their face. It’s just incredible. Caller:
Oh, it absolutely is.
Grant:Jimmy, I want to thank you and I want to wish you luck with that issue, with your pituitary. Caller:
Thank you so much.
Grant:Alright, let’s see if we can pull another question up. Caller: Hi, this is Derrick from Boston. Actually I have a question – how are you spelling fava beans? Steve:
F-a-v-a.
Caller:
That’s what I thought, I just wanted to make sure. Thank you. Page 117
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Steve: Yeah, you’ve got a whole Italian section. I’m sure they’ve got it in the Italian markets over there. Caller: Ok. The other thing I wanted to ask, Steve, I’ve actually tried to go onto the site to order the White tantra and I’ve had trouble getting through. Steve: Well, we closed down that website and we’re setting up another website. If you guys are interested, send an email to Grant and then he’s going to run an affiliate program with me and as soon as we get this stuff – like we just moved to another manufacturing facility up in L.A. and they were supposed to be out in 7 to 10 days, but I’m not making that as a promise. So if you guys want to leave your information with Grant, we’ll process the orders. Grant:Yeah, what we’ll do is anyone who wants to order those, go to www.GrantLikes.com, which is always the place to go. Look for Steve P and there’s a way to leave your email there and when it’s ready we’ll send everyone an email and let you know. Steve: There’s another thing, Grant, and it’s kind of a self-promotion thing, but I have a bunch of my own videos that have the chakra cleansing and soul gazing. We were selling it for $87. If your guys want them, we’re going to blow these things out for $57. But tell them to write you and you can refer them to me and we’ll do them out. It’s $57 + $15 for shipping/handling. Grant:Ok, and that’s on soul gazing? Steve:
Chakra cleansing and soul gazing.
Grant:Ok, beautiful. Now chakra cleansing we’re not going to get into at the moment, but we’ll let that stand for now. If you like what Steve has to say, you’ll be interested in that as well. Alright, did you have anything else there or shall we move to the next guy? Caller: You know, I came in late to the conversation. I got online a little late so I missed part of the beginning, but Steve, I’ve been listening to some of your stuff. I actually downloaded some of your mp3’s in the past and I myself am looking to get into some NLP practices myself, but I want to thank you for your time. I appreciate the information. Thank you. Steve:
Thank you, man.
Grant:Thank you. If someone else has a question it’s 5*, but I have a question for you, Steve. Page 118 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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This one actually came from my own kid. He said, “So what about butt sex, Daddy? What is butt sex?” That was a question he asked over dinner one night. Steve: Ok, here’s the thing about butt sex. I mean some people are going to get grossed out by this, but let me tell you something. If you ever have a girl who’s dry up front, she just cannot get it flowing, you’ve got to use an enema on her and get her ass cleaned out, use nice lubrication, massage, and when you start working in her ass she will start talking Chinese. But you’ve got to get those ring muscles – there’s three sets of muscles that go in there and you have to go slow. Just go in real slow and massage. Once you’ve got her cleaned out with an enema you aren’t going to have any fecal matter freaking out on you. I mean a lot of guys just go, “Ooo, I don’t even want to think about that area.” Grant:The question I had is are there those kind of nerve endings there? Steve: Some women, as soon as you drill them in the rear end they don’t want anything but that, because it’s like butt-first honey, let’s do this. It’s like this, Grant. I mean everybody’s heard about the guys who go to jail. When they come out, they were heterosexual going in, as soon as they got drilled they keep doing it because there’s incredible amounts of nerves that go up there. Now with women, like I said I don’t have sex with guys, but I do have sex with lots of women. The thing is, I actually do this one massage when they’re cleaned out where the posterior fornix, that thin skin at the back of the vagina on the wall of the ass, and I stick a finger up the ass and I start massaging that whole nerve, it just drives them up the wall. Grant:I’m being driven up the wall just hearing you talk about it, Steve. Steve:
I bet you are.
Grant:We’re running out of time, but I just wanted to give everyone one last chance for a 5*. If you press 5*, last chance to ask Steve anything on any of these subjects, and then we’ll close out. I know Steve’s got places to go, I’ve got places to go, and I’m sure everyone wants to go try some of these new techniques. Again, if you want to be notified when his stuff is ready, go to www.GrantLikes.com, look for Steve P, and put in your information and your email and we’ll let you know when it’s ready. I think we’re going to have to wrap it up around now. I’m sorry, we’ve got one more question we’re going to let through. Are you out there? Page 119 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Caller: Yeah, this is Zeke from Chico. Hey Steve, I think Grant was trying to get it out of you and I was looking for it – you said how do you get the spasms out? What are spasms and how do you get them out? Steve: What you do is you rub them. That’s like what I was talking about. You start with low pressure and then increase the pressure, but inside the vagina or on the outside or over the front of the pubic bone. When you palpate softly and then start going deeper down on it, like on the sexual enhancement tape, what you do is you’ll feel things that feel like little grains of rice. If you’re real gentle, you can just move them back and forth with one or two fingers on the outside and on the front. Which also reminds me we didn’t talk about this. I’ll be real quick with it. What we also do is by freeing up the – I shave the taco, you know I don’t like lettuce on the taco. I’m a vaginatarian, not a vegetarian. Get the lettuce out of here. So I get a clean swipe on her. But then you can also go down on the outside, like right over the front of the vagina but on the side there, and if it’s not moving because of the tension, you can get movement in there by doing the massage like I show you in there. But all you do is you just use a little – to answer your question specifically, for any spasm you start with light pressure, move just a little bit, and then add a little more pressure and a little bit more. Use lots of the grapeseed oil or walnut oil. Grant:Does that help? Do you have any further detailed questions on this, because it’s a good question. Caller:
No, that was pretty good. I liked that.
Grant:So you feel for grains of rice. A spasm is something that’s like a grain of rice. Steve: And be careful that you are going right where the – like if you lift the leg up, because that’s the lymph nodes. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking right next to the entry to the vagina, right where the skin goes on the outside of the opening, just palpate in there. If you feel little lumps, sometimes some of those girls will have something about the size bigger than rice, it’ll be the size of a pea. If you just start rubbing it gently then all of a sudden you can touch up by the belly button and all that skin will move freely over that pubic bone. Some women will start having orgasms right there, to where you just clap them a couple times and they’ll start going off. Page 120 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:That’s actually interesting. By the way I saw that in your videos. I’d never seen that before. You said clap them, which is literally kind of slap around the opening the vagina, is that right? Steve: Yeah, but your cupping your hand. Don’t slap them, but it is. Because when you cup your hand up it’s the difference between that and that kind of a thing. You’ve got air in your hand, and when you clap it it brings blood in. Again, we want blood because it has the nitric oxide, which is vasodilating. So you’ll be able to see also, like with the models that are on there, how the outside of the vagina is like engorged. By doing that you get more nerve activity. Grant:Ok, great. That’s a great question, thank you so much. Because honestly I saw that on your video and I wasn’t quite sure what you were doing. So we’ve got some other guys AIMing in, so thanks for that question. We’re going to open up to a couple more. Caller: This is Bob in North Carolina. I want to talk just a little bit about soul-gazing. How would I introduce a woman to that without freaking her out? Grant:Tell her you learned it from Steve Piccus. That might freak her out. [laughing] Steve: Well, to me I don’t care about freaking her out. I’m not looking for any outcome so I just talk to them. Basically I go, “Look, would you like to learn something really cool? You know what, they say the gateway to the soul is through the eyes. I know a technique that if we look left eye to left eye, I’ll let you look into my soul and you don’t even need to let me look into yours yet.” And then you start breathing with them, and when you start seeing their face change, go “No, no, no, I said you can look at my soul but I’m not going to look at yours yet.” And they’ll go, “No, it’s ok. I feel comfortable.” I mean I do this with these models, especially the actresses and models that I know, and they just totally – because most guys are going “Oh my god, she does like lingerie modeling. How do you get babes like that?” I go, “Treat her like a human.” I mean I don’t look like the jocko guy that’s pumping iron all day. I mean I just kind of cruise. But you know what, nothing builds confidence like sexual competence. “Nothing builds When you have that kind of confidence and you walk up and you just want to be playful and enjoy them – see, I learned being playful from lesbians.
confidence like sexual competence."
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We used to model lesbians, and if you guys think you’re having a hard time, think what it would be like to talk a chick out of having to maybe like no longer be able to be with her family, her friends, her social groups and all this stuff because now she’s going to [inaudible 86:29] These girls that were doing this, they were lipstick lesbians. We were modeling and man they were incredible at it. They go, “If you build the intimacy, they’ll give you everything else because it’s like they become addicted to wanting to touch that, to feel it, especially if you’re sincere.” Grant:I love the emphasis on building the intimacy and I think that’s really the key to the soul-gazing question. You said “You get to look at me, I won’t” and then of course they will ask you once you get set. Bob, thank you. I just got a bunch of questions. Steve, you got a couple more minutes? Steve:
Yeah, I’ve got time.
Grant:Let me throw a couple questions at you, just coming in from AIM. By the way, people are AIMing to me at GrantAdamsLive on AIM or again 5* if you want to ask questions. We’ll hang in here and do a few more of these. Now one question is, is it important with two fingers to use when massaging the G spot? Steve: Yeah, in the one position you’re using the yin and that’s with the “come to me.” Grant:That’s that pointer finger. Steve: The index finger and the middle finger. Now when you’re doing the vigorous – you want to be between her legs, reaching over the top, and you’re using the ring finger and middle finger and you want to pull her legs back to where they’re cranked back. The reason being is when you crank her legs back and you’re between her legs like that, it will make the urethra sponge, or the G spot they call it, protrude down. Then when you start bouncing them up and down – and again, you have to be vigorous. It’s like gentle but firm, and you have to be vigorous with it. As you do it, you’re only doing it for like 20 or 30 seconds. Then you’ll stop and you’ll go down the side walls or you’ve got to mix it up because you’ve got to understand these are nerves that have gone dormant, almost atrophied, you know? Page 122 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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The thing is you’ve got to do about 20-30 seconds because if you watch the girl she keeps grabbing my hand going “Huh, huh, huh” and I just stop and I move her hands and I go, “It’s ok, no problem” and I put her hand over to the side. And then I start hitting the side walls and stuff and she goes, “I don’t know if I can do anymore” and I go “There’s a lot more in there.” And then I just keep going boom boom boom and you’ve got to understand, just like with guys, there’s a refractory period. Now the women need time to build that fluid up. It’s not just going to be there. So when you massage it, one of the spots that people don’t even recognize is called the U spot, and that goes from the two points of the A all the way back around the back side of the G spot all the way up to the other side of the A spot. Grant:What’s the A spot? Steve: The A spot, if you look at the G spot and they’re different places, but once you move her legs back and it protrudes down, when that happens it’s like the 11 o’clock and 1 o’clock position. It’s not always there because anatomy is not carbon copy from one vagina to the next. So it might be at 10 to 2, or 10 to 1, or something, but it’s in that general area and you just put your fingers like spread apart like a fork and stick it in there on the side of the urethra sponge and just tap those two spots. You watch, her body will arch will you hit them. Grant:So I just want to make sure it’s clear. When you say crank her legs back, you mean knees up toward the head. Steve: Yeah, not too hard, but you just push them back. If you push it down it’ll push the hips out to where the G spot goes down, it protrudes. Oh, talking about the G spot, here’s a real important point. I’ve worked on hundreds of these and what will end up happening quite often when you first start working with these girls, it may only be the size of a nickel or a quarter. Once she starts building trust and she realizes she’s not peeing and it’s ok to really let go not only the fluids but also the emotion, let me tell you guys, when you start doing this to her and she starts releasing, be there and just hug her. When she starts crying just go, “Is everything ok?” Then take her heart to yours and just hug her. She’ll go, “I don’t know what that is…” and just be compassionate. It will get you a lot of mileage. Like I said, this isn’t stuff for like if you’re just trying to impress the date you picked up at the local pub and she’s drunk as hell, because she’ll be like, “What the hell are you doing?” Page 123 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:We’re talking about really getting deep here. Steve: Well, relationships where you want to build equity, you know, and sustain that relationship. Grant:Let me ask about the ‘come here’ – this is the forefinger and the middle finger. Is that the same as the welcomed method? Steve: I don’t know what the welcomed method – oh, no, no. You were talking about those guys up in San Francisco? Grant:Right, we talked about it on our call last week. One of the questions that came in, I think it’s pretty similar. Is there any difference? Steve: Well, they do a G spot massage, and that G spot massage is what we refer to in White Tiger tantra as the yang position. It’s the same thing. Grant:Ok, good. Ok, do we have any other people to bring on the call? 5*. I’m just waiting to see if someone comes up here, if we have some questions. Caller: Hi, it’s Jimmy in Minnesota. Did Steve want to say something about the Kegel? Steve: Ok, yeah. The Kegel muscles are very important for men and for women. The thing is is that if women don’t practice doing Kegels they’ll start needing bladder suspension surgeries and stuff like that. They can resolve all that by – look, the Kegel exercises work the PC muscles that are right in the [inaudible section 93:02] right in between there. Guys have it too. It’s kind of like if you’re taking a pee and have to shut the pee off. That’s the muscle. Now there’s different ways to do the PC muscle. Guys that get off too quick… Grant:I’m sorry, could we mute out the call. I’m sorry but there’s too much noise in the background. Thank you, go ahead. Steve: Anyway, the thing is is that with women especially, what they have to do is you want to do like compressions of that, like where you first squeeze the rectum muscles. There’s three ring muscles. They close that and then they use the muscles to shut the pee off. It sounds real weird, but it’s the same thing that you would use for guys. You tighten the anus and then you release it. The series that we teach is you hold, release, hold, release – you do a 10 count. Then what you do is you hold it for 20 seconds, then you release. Now the thing is that when that starts happening you’ll see the pelvic floor will lift up, the G spot Page 124 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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will come down, and actually when this starts happening it will feel as though there’s like a hand inside her vagina grabbing hold of you, as well as with guys. It’ll give you more control over your erections and ejaculation. Grant:True, yes, thank you. We actually touched a little on that last week. Our guest, Neo ---Steve:
Ok, I didn’t know…
Grant:No, it’s good, it’s fine, I’m just telling everybody this is very much similar to what Neo was saying about stopping your urination seven times while you’re peeing. I’m going to take one more call. Gene, are you there from Florida? Caller: Yeah. I have a question. I remember one time I was with a particular lover and she was particularly wet and I remember one time the area of moisture was maybe a 3’ circle. Does that sound like I hit the G spot? Grant:Three foot? Caller: Yeah, it was like a circle about 3’ in diameter when we were done. That’s how much moisture was on the sheets. Steve: The shape of the urethra, if you look at a girl’s back, some girls have big dimples, right? Those girls can squirt like – not all girls will squirt like fire hoses. Some of them will just gush. It’s because of the shape of the urethra. That’s the shape of the hole that the fluid’s transmitted from. Now it very well could be she’s ejaculating out the front. Some women gush and so they go, “I can’t squirt, I can’t squirt.” The ones that I’ve known that can get the mileage out of the squirting are the ones that have right above the sacrum, those big like shot glasses. The thing is, as long as the fluid’s coming out the front it’s a beautiful thing. If it’s not coming out the front, it can get pushed back into the bladder and that’s where I start taking issue with it, you know. I mean we should encourage our female lovers to just -- like I have two massage tables and I get the girls on there and we squirt them all over the place and you put them on towels. When my girlfriend who I just told you about had that 38 minute straight orgasm, she soaked up three beach towels. But the thing is you’ve got to approach it real slow because they will freak out. She couldn’t walk for a day, not because she was sore but because she was just kind of like dizzy, like drunk on sex, sex-drunk. It was kind of funny. I go, “Are Page 125 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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you ok, baby?” and she goes, “My god, can we do that again?” I said, “Let’s take a couple days to recoup.” Oh, the other thing about the fluid. If you’re going to get them ejaculating you need to make sure – I’m sorry I’m doing more time but you need to do this – you’ve got to get them on raw pumpkin seeds for the chelated zinc. Now with guys that want more zinc, and if you guys are not holding your orgasm back and you’re just ejaculating each time, you should eat pumpkin seeds too. You know, everybody’s heard that clams and oysters are the great aphrodisiac. It’s because they’re filled with zinc, but they’re also the garbage trucks of the ocean. So a better way to get zinc, in my opinion anyway, is eat pumpkin seeds. They need potassium, because otherwise their legs will cramp from squirting out all this fluid, and then Gatorade for the electrolytes or water. Your body can absorb 8-10 ounces of water per hour, so let them sip a little bit at a time. So you’ve got to replenish the fluids, you know. Grant:Ok, very cool. And I’m going to ask you the last question that just came in. Oh goodness, the questions are flying in. Alright, a couple more minutes then. Steve:
I’ll answer the questions as long as you have.
Grant:I really appreciate that. I’ll make it quick. Someone asked about are there three things they need to know about how to get even a 30-second orgasm. Just how do you extend an orgasm? Forget about the squirting orgasms for the moment. Steve: To extend an orgasm what you have to do is, it sounds corny, but it’s kind of backward engineering. If the woman is comfortable with you – if she’s not comfortable with you, let’s put it this way, she’s not going to achieve even a 10 or 20-second orgasm. If she feels comfortable where she’s not peeing on you and stuff, she will release. So you have to build the rapport and the comfort. Now it sounds like I’m talking about orgasms are only in the head. Well, the truth of it is, it is for most women, the reason being if they don’t feel connected in the head then it’s like they had to do the sex. If they look at it like they get to do the sex, they also get the pay-off of releasing all these radical chemicals like oxytocins. Grant:Ok, so technique-wise, obviously it really is based in trust. Steve: Well, it’s based on communication, trust, and use those positions, because at first – look, when my girlfriend first started squirting, this one who I’ve Page 126 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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had for like three months or four months now, she was freaking out going “I’m peeing, I’m peeing.” I go, “Look, they’re towels. If you want to throw the towel away we’ll do it.” And she goes, “Why do I feel so high?” and I go, “Shhh, quit analyzing, just breathe into the tummy and just enjoy yourself.” The thing is, just go with it and I don’t mean don’t make jokes about it, but be lighthearted. Be like, “Wow, we’re sharing this moment together,” because again women are intimate creatures. I know that’s kind of a generalization, but if you’re willing to set the [inaudible section 100:38] for a woman, you’ll get to see like what that guy from New Orleans was talking about, you’ll see her face will look like a little angel coming out at you. She will be so grateful. Grant:So support that. Do we have Ryan on the line? Caller:
Yes.
Grant:Ok Ryan from Ohio, go ahead. What have you got for Steve? Caller: Ok, first of all on the question about the welcomed method versus the G spot – from what I gathered the welcomed method was actually external on the clitoris itself rather than internal where the G spot is. Steve:
Ok, they call that the venus something or other, yeah.
Caller: Yeah, this is with Astroglide and very light slow touches on the 1 o’clock position of the clit, as I understood it. Grant:That’s true, yes. Caller: Ok. Actually my question for Steve is in the past with different lovers I’ve had very good luck taking my middle and index finger and going down underneath where the cervix protrudes out from the top. If she was standing up it would be the top, and using the kind of lifting that up slowly and gently to kind of jostle the uterus, and that’s provided some very deep deep orgasms for certain women in the past. [inaudible 102:01] I’m not positive, but – Steve: That’s a deep massage, a deep orgasm. If you aren’t already doing some of these other things with her, you may freak her out. A lot of women, because it’s so unused, they may go “What the hell is that?” and some women will actually feel pain there. Caller:
Yeah, it’s something I’ve used only after a lot of trust was built etc.
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Steve: Exactly, because you’ve got to understand – think if you’d like to have a 5-minute straight orgasm. I mean do you understand how you’d just be blown out? So they know that they go, I mean I’ve had women go “Oh my god, you owe me. I’ve lost all my pussy power here.” I go, “Baby, that was an illusion. You never even had pussy power. You know, the truth of it is can’t we just be two humans in this union together right now? Let’s just think about right now. Can we do that? And they just go, “Oh my god.” So the thing is that when you’re releasing these incredible sensations through them, you’ve got to understand what our culture teaches women is you can control every man if you just give him a little pussy and not too much and blah blah. But when you do it from your heart – don’t think I’m saying this as a game or as a trick. I don’t need to trick any women. If you really come with compassion and caring from your heart, like I said I only date bisexual and bicurious women. They bring other women in, because I love doing ménage management. The thing is you have to really build the trust. So they go, “I don’t want to feel jealous,” and I go “There’s no reason to feel jealous because I’m not going to replace you. There’s nothing that they can do to make me replace you.” But the thing is that when you start getting into these, all the burdens of all these emotional games and stuff that they’ve been trained in their whole life, they’re coming back to haunt them. Women actually go, “Dude, I’ve never been able to feel this free. I don’t have to keep a game up with you. Are you the only guy that does this?” I go, “Man, I know all kinds of guys that are pretty cool about this kind of stuff.” Grant, I’ve got to change phones just for a minute because this battery’s about dead. Hold on. Grant:Ok, cool. I hope we’re creating a whole generation of – Caller: on that.
Grant, actually I do have a follow-up for Steve, actually a question
Grant:Ok Steve, we have one more follow-up with the guy who’s on the phone. Caller: Yes, I agree with everything you said. The question is, have you run across women who have had hysterectomies and therefore that part of the equipment is missing?
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Steve: No, I haven’t. I mean I’ve worked on women from 18 to 56, but I haven’t. I’m not opposed to it. I mean for me my qualifying --- like if you only go out with the young girls or the models – no, I screen for weird stuff like good sense of humor. I do weird tests where I go out with women. I’ll like grab her bag and “We’re going for a ride” and like we go to northern California unplanned and we just stay at people’s houses on the couch, because you get to know a lot when you’re driving over a lot of hours with somebody. So I screen for is she a good person, a good sense of humor, but she’s out of her element. It’s kind of a corny thing, but [inaudible 106:07] the biker days. Grant:Yeah, right, I think that’s true. I was thinking about that, the way you test and really get what you want. But I think Ryan’s question was if someone has had a hysterectomy, do you have to be extra careful? Is there anything you need to avoid? Are there any other conditions you need to test or screen for so as not to cause any damage? Caller:
Yeah, thanks Grant.
Grant:Sure, that’s what I’m here for. Steve: You know what, I’ve never worked with women that had hysterectomies, so I don’t know if they can even still squirt or they can’t. Caller: Yeah, I guess there’s different levels of it too from what I’ve been able to understand. I just haven’t figured it out yet. Steve: There’s like five glands that make up the periurethra glands. If those are still intact, that prostatic fluid is still going to be there and it will still release. Caller: I’m guessing, I mean things haven’t progressed that far, but I’m guessing that she’ll still be able to squirt but the old stand-by of the really deep deep orgasm I might not be able to provide because the equipment’s not there. Steve: Well, I wouldn’t go there, you know why? One of the greatest things, when you were asking about hypnotic techniques – I work with all kinds of ladies in different industries and I just worked with a porn star. I work with a lady who’s in the sex industry also. Now this lady, because of vibrators and stuff, it sort of shut stuff off for her. What I did was, and this is for the hysterectomy lady, if you go in – are you trained in hypnosis? Caller:
No, I’m not.
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Steve:
Oh shoot.
Caller:
Well, keep going though because I could get there at some point.
Steve: Ok, well here’s the thing. We’re also going to be doing some weekend hypnosis stuff. I’ll get to that later. But here’s how it works. One of the greatest things that most of these hypnosis guys don’t even get or understand – if a woman has been at peace with herself to where she’s balanced and in harmony and can have an incredible orgasm, just release, because I worked with a woman who had some cervical cancer removed, and she went off like a fire hose. Now what we did is we put her in a trance. We got her into a very deep state. So it took like four sessions and then I went into this part. Here’s the trick part. You go into the memory and you have them totally associate in to all those wonderful nerve endings that were there, all the wonderful feelings. Notice what it smells like, what it feels like, what it tastes like, and then open her eyes and see herself – now you have to get this when they bypass a critical factor of the mind. The thing is, when we work with a lot of these celebrity porn stars and stuff and they’re all numb down there, this is what we have to do is rejuvenate them for awhile. But you have them totally in deep trance identify with these wonderful orgasms and you give them an anchor. I mean I give an anchor to themselves. A lot of guys anchor it to themselves and I don’t think that’s really right. I think it should be with them. I’d rather give it to the lady, because if she’s really tense and stuff I tend to – I don’t call it masturbation, I call it meditation. I go, “Have you done your meditation?” and they go, “No.” I go, “Go do your meditation then come back to talk to me.” And they come back 20 minutes later and go, “Thanks, honey, I needed that.” A lot of times they’re going [inaudible section 109:36] and I go, “Stop. It’s not about arguing. That’s for damn sure. But what you’re going to do is you’re going to go listen to me, or I’m going to hang up this phone and I won’t answer when you call. Go and meditate. Then after you meditate then you call me back and then you tell me if it’s not about feeling wonderful.” Because what happens is it releases all these chemicals to their bodies. What happens is people get in these neurological feedback loops. Now the thing is, Page 130 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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what a lot of hypnotists won’t do is they don’t use those blessed memories that we’ve already experienced in our life. I use them to help people get off of drugs like Ecstasy. I don’t know if you guys have that stuff back there, but a lot of young kids were doing it out here. So I taught them how to get high without going to drugs. Any memory that you’ve ever had in your life, you can recall it and still feel wonderful without ingesting any chemicals. Grant:That’s a great directive. Thank you, Steve, for that. I have one AIM question that just came in. And I think it was Ryan, right? Thank you. The question just came in about douching. Should women douche and why or why not? Steve: Well, it depends what they’re douching with and how often they douche, because you can also douche too much. But the thing about it is it depends how many partners a woman has. A lot of guys aren’t real familiar – let me tell you something. If a woman has a lot of partners and she’s not using condoms, it’s going to get that “Oh dear” smell, I mean like “Oh dear!” It’s not going to be a sweet little – The thing is that when a woman’s just with one guy, there’s an ecosystem down there and it will still smell beautiful and wonderful. The thing is, if a woman needs to douche, get it cleaned up, but have a safe douche. I mean like we were talking about anal sex. I always have the girls go in and they go enema each other and they shave each other, then they come out and they prepare themselves. So the thing is that they should make sure they don’t overdo it with the douche either. A lot of times they can use just water. The old red water bottles – they work great. Grant:Ok, thanks for that. Let’s see, we’ve got one more guy right here. Caller: Hey, this Steve from San Francisco. I’ve got many questions but I’ll try to focus. Actually, can I ask a question about male orgasms? I got totally into the tantra and stuff years ago and Chia and Multi-orgasmic Man and all that. I’ve been a little unclear, it seems like there’s some different ways that things can go with the whole sort of multi-orgasmic male, multi-orgasm thing. It seems like there’s one kind of path where it’s all about like the energetic level, if you’re
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absorbing the energy of your orgasm and to sort of have the orgasm without ejaculating. But there also seems to be a different path, sort of a physical path which I think might be relevant to a comment you made about the issues with the bladder, even with women, with the ejaculation. I wonder if you can clear that up or say anything on that topic? Steve: Well, basically you’ve got to figure out what works. See, the problem with a lot of the tantra books is that they all give a recipe that’s supposed to “it’s this way with all guys” or this guy’s from this way or this guy’s from this age. The thing is is you’ve got to figure out what your cycle is yourself. Look it, I’ve been doing tantra for a lot of years, but the whole thing about, “No, you can’t ejaculate. You’re going to get old. You’re going to be blah blah.” I’m going, “Look it you do what you’re going to do” and I think you have to find what your own cycle is. If you ejaculate a lot, you’re going to find that you have a zinc deficiency and that is going to take from your body. That’s the reason why they would hold their seed. But the other part is, if you’re doing sex magic with it, you do ejaculate because as you cycle through what they call the microcosmic orbit, and that’s in both whether you do the Hindu style or the Dallas style, you still cycle that through because it puts more energy into it. When I’m with multiple girls and they’re into it, I mean they’re like stoned. The thing is when you bring it up like that, it just depends individually what your cycle is. So figure that out and figure it out with your partner or partners. But also you want to make sure you eat those raw pumpkin seeds. Brazilian nuts are also really good too because they have selenium in them. Caller: Yeah, specifically I guess the physical question I had is like sometimes there’s the sensation that ejaculation isn’t happening but it’s sort of like the physical fluid is – something’s going on down there within my body and I kind of wonder, “Ok, is it going to the bladder or is it being reabsorbed back into the prostate,” or do you know anything about that physical part of it? Steve: If it’s there, it’s actually going to be held there. It kind of gets held – it’s held to be released. I mean I know these guys who say they haven’t ejaculated in three months. You’d have to talk to those guys, because I don’t do that. I mean we do sessions that will be anything from like half hour to four hours. We all explode. Page 132 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Some people go, “No, no, no, that’s western, that’s not tantra.” I go, “Hey, you know what, it is what it is.” Again, you’ve got to weigh out all this stuff and you’ve also got to find out if these guys are actually using this stuff themselves. A lot of the guys writing these books are just regurgitating what’s been in other books, you know. You can tell by the way they’re writing that these guys aren’t using these techniques. Caller: Yeah, I mean [inaudible name 116:50] really impressed me in his writing, but that’s pretty much all I’ve read. Grant:That’s Chia, The Multi-Orgasmic Man. Caller: Can I ask one question that’s really kind of in another field but it somehow came up for me. It’s more on the relationship side. I’ve noticed a pattern in my own life where when I’m single I get into this visualization mode of what do I want for my love life and I basically imagine myself dating a lot of different people. Then, this will probably sound really – but anyway as soon as I get involved with somebody it just seems like my imagination totally starts to focus on maybe I should really settle down. Is that just a sign of [inaudible 117:36] – does that make sense? Steve: Again, it’s an individual thing. Some people want to be polyamorous and have multiple lovers. Some people want to be polyamorous, some people want to be monogamous. Some people want to use polygamy. The thing is you’ve got to find out between you and your partners – first with yourself. What kind of relationships do you want? Some people are monogamously-challenged. I mean they have real severe problems with this stuff because it’s like, “Oh, I’m going to leave the old man at home or I’m going to leave the old lady at home and I’m going to go screw around on them.” Well, to me, it’s everybody else’s choice, it’s a private choice. But the thing is is that I’m direct and real up front because when we do sex magic you’ve got to be real straight ahead with this stuff because it’s kind of like going on an acid trip or something with them when you get into – Like when you’re in these big sessions for a long time, it’s like you just ate a bunch of peyote with them or something. You want to be able to trust somebody when you’re there.
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The truth of it is, I don’t mess around on my girlfriends. I mess around with them. The thing is, you’ve got to find out what it is that you’re comfortable with. If in fact you want to [inaudible section 119:30] and then when you’re out [inaudible 119:07] just going to date a bunch of people, well, that works for some people, dating a lot of people. But a lot of times it’s usually when people start thinking, “I just want to date a lot of people,” they really are looking to find somebody that they’re going to build a bond with. There’s a thing that I teach women. I mean I’ve worked with more women than men. “You want to keep your guy happy, keep him with a soft dick, a full belly, with peace and harmony in the house – he’s going to be like a puppy. He’s not going to want to stray.” Now I know that’s not every guy, but I know that a lot of guys just want to have – like everybody thinks it’s just the girls that believe in those fairy tales we were told or all the things we’re belted with over and over from the media. The thing is, it’s like the media find out what it is – I know other people that live in polyamorous relationships, multiple partners. The girls have multiple girl and guy partners. The guys have multiple girl partners. They’re all ok with it, you know. Other guys go, “I can’t let a guy fuck my old lady,” blah blah blah. Whatever the thing is. What I’m saying is I tell those people, “Then you should not be in a polyamorous relationship like this.” Take some time. Figure out what do you want in your relationship? Are you looking for a one-on-one soul mate? Are you looking for that best friend companion to walk with you and be happy? I mean I go and interview couples that have been married like 20 years and 40 years, happily married, and I’ve found some really cool shit out from interviewing these people. But the thing is, if you’re married and you’re going, “Oh man, I’m missing out on all that other ass out there,” then you really don’t want or care to bond. Maybe what you want to do is live – like I live in hermetic circles. It’s not because I’m worried about other guys being better at sex than me or some other stupid shit. I don’t care. It’s just in the Dallas form of tantra they say when one woman has multiple males, polyandric love, it increases aging in her body because the sperm war goes on and the chi war goes on with multiple men throwing that much energy, unless they’re tantric women and learn how to cycle that energy out.
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Grant:So what you’re recommending is really very fundamental, which is you have to know what you really want. Steve:
Know what you really want.
Grant:Which is not always easy. I’m with you there. It’s not always easy, but it can be done. Ok, I’m going to take one more and then I’m going to collapse. This is great because this is a one-hour teleseminar and we’ve gone to almost two full hours each time. You’ve got so much to say, Steve, obviously and so much to offer. So let’s see if we can get one last – I don’t know if we’re going to take one last one. That’s it. We’re going to cut it off here. So I want to obviously thank everyone out there for your time and your questions. Steve, I can’t thank you enough. My mind is spinning and I’ve got to go to the bathroom real bad. [laughing] Then I just want to remind everyone, go to www.GrantLikes.com and look for Steve P and we’ll let you know when it’s available. It’s not available yet, but when it does come out we’ll certainly let you know. Steve, if you want to say good-bye to everyone that would be great. Steve: Alright. Guys, thanks a lot for listening and I’m glad you guys are listening to programs like this because it’s going to build strong relationships. We’re in the information age. When people just gather information, information that’s not used can only be merely information. Information that is integrated and used can then turn into knowledge. When you have knowledge, then you also gain the wisdom of when to apply that knowledge in certain areas. So this series is going to help you guys. There’s a lot of information. Use the stuff that’s going to work for you and that feels comfortable. I don’t know who the other speakers are, or maybe I do know who they are, I’m not sure. The thing is though, check this stuff out. It’s like I always say, question authority. Don’t argue with authority or anything, but just question it. Is it really going to fit in your worldview and in your environment? Anyway, thank you for having this forum and stuff. I hope this was useful to the guys. Grant:Well, let’s find out. We’re going to open the lines and if you guys are out there, this is your chance. We’re going to open up all the lines for everyone to say good-bye. Page 135 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Caller:
Thanks. Great talk! Thank you, Steve.
Grant:Thanks everyone for the long call. We’ll see you next week. Steve, thanks so much. Good-night everybody.
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The Grant Adams Trainings
Erotic Mastery Teleseminar Transcript Session 4 Erwan Davon and Alicia Bayer Unblocking Your Right to Pleasure
Limits of Liability & Disclaimer of Warranty This document is for entertainment purposes only. The author, publisher, and participatings are giving no specific instruction or medical, psychological, or behavioral advice. No one connected with this document is a doctor, attorney, or mental health professional. Before engaging in any activity that is risky to yourself or another person, please consult an appropriate professional for advice. The author and publisher of this ebook and the associated materials have used their best efforts in preparing this material. The author and publisher make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this material. They disclaim any warranties expressed or implied, merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable for any loss or other damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. This material contains elements protected under International and Federal Copywright laws and treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.
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Transcript Grant Adams (Grant): Welcome everybody to the fourth installment of Erotic Mastery. This is a special call for a couple reasons. One, our guests once again are incredibly well informed and articulate about our subject. Also I’m calling from my bed. Unfortunately I’m alone. Unfortunately I have the stomach flu. Fortunately I’m getting a nurse who may be by later to help out. So if I’m a little low on energy tonight, please forgive me. I’m sure Erwan and Alicia will make up for any lack of energy. This is exciting for me. Erwan and to a little lesser extent Alicia have been doing this kind of work for I think 20 years. When I say this kind of work, I mean a lot of us have interesting jobs, but very few of us teach naked workshops where couples learn how to give each other deep orgasms. So I congratulate you guys for an excellent career choice, and we’re going to talk about that. We’re also going to once again connect an idea that’s come up on every single call, which is that who you are outside of sex carries over into a continuum into how good your sex will be, how good it will be for you and how good it will be for your partner. So first of all I just want to welcome you guys. Erwan and Alicia, welcome! Erwan Davon (Erwan): Hi Grant. Alicia Bayer (Alicia): Hi Grant. It’s great to be here. Grant: It’s great to have you here! The three of us have been talking about this for many many months, and there’s kind of a secret. Again in San Francisco, and there’s a lot going on there clearly, they’ve been working on very small-scale intimate workshops. I don’t know, guys, if you’ve ever done any kind of national teleconference like this, have you? Erwan:
We’ve never done a national teleconference.
Grant:Yeah, so we’re kind of the first here and I’m kind of glad about that. Your stuff is too good, honestly, to keep up there in San Francisco. Now you guys had a chance to listen to Neo’s call, and you really liked it as much as the rest of us did. Do you want to say anything about what really struck you about Neo’s call that you thought was so deeply true? Page 138 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Erwan: I’ll start and then Alicia, if there’s anything you want to add…what I really liked about Neo’s call was he put a lot of attention away from sort of a very materialist approach to sex and he really focused on what you just addressed, Grant, which was how you’re being, who you’re being, where your attention is is really what’s going to make all the difference. He said some great things like the three keys which tie all great lovers together of paying attention, taking your time, putting her pleasure first…these are really priceless principles. Grant:You had something else that you add, I know, which is research. Erwan: That’s right, that’s right, and we’ll probably elaborate on that a bunch on this call. Once you get that sort of basic mindset down, which I think Neo really brilliantly illuminated for us, it opens up the world. One of the worlds that it opens up is you can actually study and research sensuality. It occurs to people that you can study and research tennis, maybe hire a tennis coach, maybe you hire somebody to help you with your taxes or to go sailing, but you can actually do the same thing in the areas of life that are fun, even the areas of life that are the most fun. Grant:And this should be one of them. Alicia:
That’s right. This is the one! [laughing]
Erwan: that.
You and us and all the men on the call would probably agree with
Grant:Exactly. I like to get everyone agreeing. Alicia: There was something else about Neo’s interview that I really enjoyed, which was that he was extremely grounded and truthful in the call and it was obvious that everything that he was sharing was from his own experience and what he had really learned. So he didn’t necessarily say this, but what I noticed goes along with what we’re going to talk about today. He put lots of time and energy and heart into learning what he’s learned and sharing it with the world, and that’s really important, versus simply reading about it or hearing about it. Grant:Thank you, yeah I’ve really tried. I’ve talked to a lot of people across the country and I’ve really picked out the people who I honestly think have the most to say, and he’s one of them and you guys are two of them. So a couple things. We’re going to get into five or six major areas, and this is for the guys to give you a sense of what’s to come. Page 139 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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We’re going to talk about the difference between eroticism and sensuality. It’s really important to know how they’re different so you can use each one. We’re going to talk about being masculine and sensual at the same time, something I talk a lot about in the Net2Bed book, being able to convey that you have a sensually alive life. We’re going to talk about how to meet…and I don’t necessarily want to use the word ‘seduce’…a woman, but create a pleasure zone for her to enter in with you.
"We’re going to talk about how to create a sensually alive date, and this is really cool."
Then we’re going to talk about how to create a sensually alive date, and this is really cool. I love this stuff. We’re then going to talk about DO-ing, which again Neo mentioned, and it’s orgasmic practice…deliberate orgasm. I want everyone to underline this word ‘deliberate.’ I know everyone’s probably underlining orgasm, but this word ‘deliberate’ is really key to what you guys are about. So I want everyone to pay attention to every time we talk about being deliberate in your approach to women, how you speak to women, and how you carry yourself with women, and how you approach things like orgasm. Finally we’ll talk about being a pleasured man in a pain-oriented culture. But before we get to all that, I want to get to the juice a little bit. Like I said in the beginning, you guys teach pretty….and I haven’t done a workshop yet…but we’ve discussed at length and I know people who have. It’s called…what do you call the workshop? Erwan:
It’s called The Pleasure Course.
Grant:The Pleasure Course. I’d like you to just walk everyone through I think it was three steps of what it is that you actually do, because it’s very unusual. Alicia:
The three steps of what we actually do?
Grant:Of what you do in The Pleasure Course, the workshop. It’s a weekend workshop, right? Alicia: Yes, it’s a weekend workshop. It’s three full days. The way that it’s laid out is the first day we go really deeply into being. So we really get into who you are really behind all of the ways you consider yourself to be in your personality and your ego and all of that, and really being returned to who you are naturally and inherently. Page 140 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:Beneath the personality. Alicia:
Exactly. Second, we go into…
Grant:I’m sorry, I’m just going to take a stop here because I don’t know if everyone’s familiar with that concept. If everyone will just hang onto that idea. If people have questions on what that means to be beneath your personality, maybe after the end, or maybe you guys want to say just another word about what that means. When you separate yourself from your personality, people might think “Well, then what’s there?” So what is there? Erwan: It’s a great question, Grant, and there’s a lot of different words we could use. We could say your consciousness. Alicia just used the word ‘being.’ If you get religious or spiritual you could use words like ‘awakening’ or ‘your Buddha nature’ if you like, your ‘soul,’ the ‘self.’ Let’s just use the word consciousness, because I think that’s a word we can all relate to. If we stripped all of our personalities, all of the traits that separate you from myself from Alicia from the men on the call, something would be left and that would be just our consciousness. So that’s really what Alicia means when she says ‘being.’ When you’re grounded in that versus grounded in your personality, there’s an enormous amount more freedom to play in life, whether it’s with your career or whether it’s with your sex life or whether it’s with your orgasm, or really whatever it is. Then your personality isn’t so fixed and rigid. Your personality has enormously more dexterity in those really fun areas of life. Grant:I’d love to hear you say something about that, because as you’re talking I’m reflecting on what’s called the seduction community and almost all the seduction community is all about playing on the surface of personality. It’s about improving your personality, showing confidence, having something to say, striking a certain kind of attitude, and confidence. That works for a lot of guys. It really helps them approach women. So what does being in touch with your personality-less being get you? How does that work? Erwan: That’s another great question, it really is. Really what being in touch with that does is it gives you depth. It’s the difference between eating at [inaudible] or The French Laundry or Jardienniere. These are San Francisco restaurants. I’m not sure if you have them in L.A., but they’re great. They’re quality restaurants, versus eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken. Page 141 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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You have depth, you have quality, and it makes it so that your lovemaking is really deep. It still has the juice, it still has the turn-on, the wildness, as Neo alluded to the beast in men and women, it still has all that. But it also has the consciousness. It also has the love. It also has the connection. It’s a really well-rounded full meal. It’s not just something that kind of tastes good and then you feel sick afterwards. But it’s really got depth and it’s really full and you tend to create connections with people that last, whether it’s a sexual research connection or a friendship or maybe a committed relationship for the rest of your life. Grant:When I’m listening to you I’m hearing two things. One is it kind of pulls the clinginess and neediness out of sexual and intimate relations. I assume that’s correct. Alicia: Yes, that’s exactly right. It pulls the clinginess and the neediness out of all sexual relations and relating intimately with anyone, because you’re suddenly really not needing anything because you’re already full, you’re already whole, you’re already being exactly who you are and then enjoying. Grant:And giving. Alicia:
Really, and enjoying who you’re with.
Grant:Right, and you can really focus more on giving than “What am I getting at the moment?” There’s another word that comes to mind, which is one of my favorite words. It’s a personality thing and it just serves so well in every area of my life. It sounds expansive. I wonder if you have anything to say about being beneath your personality, all your tricks, all your jokes…and I do it. I know I’m guilty of it. All the stuff that people like and all the stuff that we do to get people to like us. Underneath that there’s something very very expansive. I wonder if you have something to say about that one. Alicia: It is very expansive in that it is limitless. It’s absolutely limitless. When you’re coming from your personality and your strategies, it’s fixed and it’s limited and there’s only a certain place it can go. When you’re actually being who you are and being consciousness, there’s no limit to how much you can feel. It’s very expansive, as you’re saying.
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Erwan: Alicia, would you tie that in to man-woman dynamics. I’d like for us to ground it in a specific example. Let’s talk about how that relates, that expansiveness that you alluded to, Grant, how that relates to the middle part. We talked about the first part and the pleasure part, Alicia. The middle part is about man-woman dynamics. How does expansiveness relate there? Alicia: The expansiveness relates in the area of man-woman dynamics and communication in that in our course you actually experience relating with another person from total expansiveness, rather than from the confines of your "In our course you personality. So that’s a particular area where you can actually experience really see and feel the difference in relating with a relating with another woman, for example, and communicating. You have infinite choices as far as how to communicate and what you do. You can be very creative. You’re not bound by anything. Erwan: You know how it is if you’re at a bar and you see a woman you’re attracted to and you’re going to approach her. You realize you’re going to do that, and then normally we have a very sort of limited set of options.
person from total expansiveness, rather than from the confines of your personality."
But if you’re really grounded in that consciousness and then you see that woman across the bar or across the party, you have an infinite number of ways to approach her and you’re not going to come from a fixed personality, a fixed set of options. Maybe the way to approach her is going to be really bold and you’re going to make a bee-line over there. Maybe the way to approach her is going to be to have the waitress bring her a glass of wine. Maybe the way to approach her is you’re there with a friend who happens to be a woman and you send your woman friend over to say hello first. It’s just infinite. But when we’re stuck in our personality it’s like multiple choice: A, B, or C, and you’ve got a maybe 1 in 5 chance that that’s actually going to work. Grant:That’s a really key point. I always correct everyone in my life…I’m probably very annoying…when they say things like, “Sorry I’m late. I’m just a late person.” I say, “No, you’re a person who happens to have arranged your life so that you’re habitually late. You’re not intrinsically late.” So people really do limit themselves a lot with this kind of categorizing and pigeon-holing of who they are. Page 143 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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So somehow you strip that out. I wonder if you’d just give one example, just really quickly, of how. What kind of exercise might they do? And again really quickly because I want to move to the other stuff. Erwan: Yeah, the bottom line on that, just to get to the heart of it, is a person has to see what their trip…that’s what we call it, your trip, your head trip, other people might call it your ego, even your personality as you mentioned…you have to see what your trip is. So you see what your trip is. You see what your personality is. You see what your ego looks like, that thing you’ve been considering yourself to be, that fixed limited set of options. You see what that is. Then what we do is we put people in exercises where they literally practice relating not from any of that, and you see what’s left. And what’s left is the same thing for all of us, it’s the consciousness. So the bottom line answer to your question, Grant, is you see what your personality trip is and then you see what’s left, and that’s your being or your consciousness or your very nature. Grant:I imagine that that stripping away process is pretty painful for a lot of people, because our personality is where we live. It makes us feel good. Erwan: You know, you’re exactly right. It can be very painful, but it doesn’t have to be. That’s one reason we call it The Pleasure Course. If you’re willing, if you’re really willing to grow, willing to develop…see, one of the things that I got listening to the Erotic Mastery teleconference call last time from yourself and Neo was I was just impressed and it just dawned on me like, “Wow, this is this whole group of people spread throughout L.A. and really the whole nation committed to growing and to developing in this area.” That’s the secret. When you’re willing and committed and open to growing, it doesn’t have to be painful. If somebody points out your ego trip and if you let it go, it’s actually not. It’s really liberating. But if you hold onto it and you make whoever, your therapist, or in this case us, the course leaders, who are ripping it away from you…oh my god, you might as well be getting your whole body whacked. It’s just horrible. Grant:Yeah, and let me tell everybody, these are two very intensive people. As jovial as they sound, I get the feeling that no bullshit gets through in your workshop. You’re probably very compassionate, but you probably really do dig down.
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So the first step is to strip away the personality. The second step you said is relating. So really to get to that place of expansive self without the personality trip. Then the third part is probably the part that makes you most notorious and probably the part that people understand least about how it ties into who you guys really are. Alicia: Yes, well the third part of the course is physical sensuality. So it’s sensuality, high-level orgasm, and a technique called ‘DO-ing,’ which Neo introduced last week. D.O. stands for ‘deliberate orgasm.’ To tie in with the expansiveness, I mean that is another area where it is just…I mean people are often very limited in the area of sex and sensuality by their personalities. Once you’re freed up from that, your experience of sensuality and orgasm and your body and another person’s body is absolutely limitless. Grant:Can you give an example of how a person’s personality, being stuck in your personality, might limit your experience of being able to give or receive awesome orgasms? Interesting subject. Alicia: Well, one way that it can be limited is by a person’s ability to communicate what they’re feeling in their body, to actually feel it and tell another person what they’re feeling. People often are reluctant or resistant to doing that or they feel uncomfortable doing that, and it’s because of some form in their personality or some past experience or some something. It isn’t truly who they are. It’s getting in their way. So what we find over and over and over again in The Pleasure Course is that once people are freed up from those bounds, they’re able to fully communicate with the other person what they’re feeling and what they want. Grant:What they want, that’s huge! It’s not just, “Hey, this is what I’m feeling,” which is important, but I know from a bunch of emails that I got from you guys and from my own experience, I’m happy to say, after we had David Shade on our first teleseminar he talked about sexy dirty talk and just how that opened up possibilities that a lot of guys have never thought was going to be ok. In a safe container it really opened up a lot of amazing sexual experiences for a bunch of guys, so I really get what you’re saying. So actually in the workshop people are giving orgasms to each other? Is that right? Page 145 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Erwan: That’s where we go to on Day 3. People actually practice sensual technique. They practice the technique of DO-ing and we should probably talk again a little bit about what that is. People don’t walk in on the first day and it’s a bunch of people in a naked workshop. [laughing] That would be great, but as far as I know…who knows, maybe there’s somebody else out there that does it quicker…but our goal is to get people into that kind of intense situation as quickly as possible. I think our m.o. is to really move that way very quickly, but not at the cost of handling the being or the openness, not at the cost of getting the men and the women really knowing how to relate to each other in an open friendly way. But once you’ve got that, then yes, you can really get into the DO-ing and you can get into the physical sensuality and you can get into practicing deliberate orgasms. Now let’s talk a little bit about what that is. Basically it’s one person putting their full attention on the other person’s pleasure, for their own pleasure. It’s not like “I do you, you do me.” It’s not a trade. It’s not “I sacrifice and then the other person sacrifices.” It’s not a barter. It’s not business. Grant:That’s a huge concept, by the way. Erwan: Huge! Absolutely. I really liked how Neo had some great things to say about this, and this is a mistake that guys make. Guys love women so much, but that love turns to a kind of grasping and attachment. So instead of really just being a gentleman or a white knight or really pleasuring her for the pleasure it brings him, guys are often trying to get theirs. If you look at pornography, for example, that’s mostly what it is.
"Instead of…really pleasuring her for the pleasure it brings him, guys are often trying to get theirs."
Now if you really look at pornography, you’ll notice something. Nobody’s getting off. Those expressions on their faces…I wish we could get video right now… Grant:I’m kind of glad I don’t, but ok. Erwan:
It’s a grin of pain. It’s not a grin of pleasure. It’s a grin of pain.
When you give to somebody for your pleasure, men, women, really anybody just naturally not wants to return it, like give it back, but they just naturally want to give also and you end up with a really nice circular energy flow that goes both ways and it’s just a lot smarter to put women first in pleasure.
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Because once their bodies really get rolling, then the whole sex act heats up. If the woman doesn’t really get rolling, the sex act does not heat up. That’s why man-woman dates, for example, historically is the guy taking the woman out, maybe to where she wants to go or on vacation or he sets up something sensual, and we’ll talk about that when we get into a sensual date. He really caters to the woman’s pleasure and gets her rolling, then you’ve got some heat, some fire to cook with. Eventually, and let’s fast forward here because we started this on the topic of DO-ing, eventually that leads to sex or sensuality, often hopefully, right? If it gets to DO-ing, what DO-ing is technically is one person putting the most dextrous part of their body…for a man that’s the tip of his index finger, the same for a woman actually…on the most sensitive part of the other person’s body, which is the upper left-hand quadrant of the clitoris for a woman, or the head of the penis or really the whole penis for a man. So the way to create the most high-level orgasm in somebody else’s body, and most people don’t know this, is actually manually because you have enormously more dexterity. Now that does not mean oral sex is not good. It does not mean we don’t love that. It doesn’t rule out anything else. It’s just an incredible tool to add in to really get the physiological system, the energy, the turn-on, the juice, the orgasm really rolling and it makes all the other sex acts better. Neo had a great quote, which was his cock may not always be hard but his finger always is. Grant:I love that. Now I have this weird image in my mind which is if you’re looking at the upper right-hand quadrant, which is like 1 o’clock, right? Alicia:
Upper left. My left.
Grant:Your left. So if you’re looking up a woman’s legs, where it is on the clock? Erwan: If you’re looking on the clock, so you’re facing a woman, you’ve got a clock there, it’s going to be her left so it’s going to be 1 o’clock. Grant:So it is 1 o’clock, good. So the image I’m getting here is that instead of just rubbing that spot, because I’m sure that’s not it so maybe you can give us some clue. If that spot is the most sensitive, how do you vary and modulate that experience for her? Erwan: That’s going to be a really really difficult thing to communicate on the phone. The clitoris has more nerve endings that the eyeball. Initially the clitoris looks like and men and women think of it as this tiny little thing. Page 147 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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But when you really really get to know the clitoris, it appears more like a soccer ball with an infinite number of different quadrants, really a whole world. So a little tiny stroke, if you’re really paying attention, a stroke that’s about 1 mm long can cause an enormous amount of sensation. Then a woman who’s trained is going to have her full attention on that sensation, and a man who’s trained is going to have his full attention on that sensation. So they’re going to go for an incredible ride, but it’s very subtle. DO-ing is very subtle. It has all the signs of orgasm, involuntary contractions in the genitals and the engorgement and the increased heart rate and what’s called abdominal ridging, involuntary contractions in the abdomen and not just in the genitals. It’s all the clinical signs of orgasm, but you’re relaxed. So if you were to video it, it’s not going to be the big dramatic pornographic-looking scenario. But if you’re one of the people doing it and you’re really open and you’re really feeling, you’re going to feel infinitely more. Grant:Well, great! So it’s very very different than the usual pictures, from my experience, say when women do tape themselves during sex, it’s pretty vigorous. Erwan:
People usually do, you’re right.
Grant:Right, so this is a whole different kind of…so you’re not really going for that orgasm in the same way that she might be familiar with. You’re going for a really different kind of experience. Erwan: You’re going for a much much higher-grade experience. For example, if you go to Kentucky Fried Chicken, you’re going to have something that’s going to hit your taste buds at 1,000 miles per hour. It’s going to sort of taste good immediately, but you’re going to be done with it pretty quickly. If you go to The French Laundry, for example, which is near here, it’s one of the most famous restaurants really in the world, not just in the United States…a friend of mine just went there to meet with a bunch of her friends and the meal lasted 3-1/2 hours. What they do is they bring out very small portions. It’s a 12-course meal. You’re there for 3-1/2 hours and even the smell of the food is deeper and richer and more pleasing than that first hit you’d get at Kentucky Fried Chicken. But you’re still eating, it’s still food, it’s still that big of an experience, and that’s what I’m trying to communicate. Although it’s not so dramatic, it’s just as big. It has all the size of orgasm. Grant:That is a fantastic metaphor, by the way. I really love that. I love you guys! This is really beautifully stated, and obviously your years of research are Page 148 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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paying off because I just feel like I learned a lot and I’m sure the guys listening in feel the same way and we’ll hear from them of course at the end. We’ll take some time for questions. With my stomach flu I really need to have you stop mentioning Kentucky Fried Chicken. I think I’m going to lose it here. So let’s move on to the next subject. I think that was just beautifully stated. I really couldn’t ask for anything better. You made a point when we first sat down and started talking about this phone call and the kind of information you wanted to get out to the world. You made a real clear divide between eroticism and sensuality, and you thought that was really important for guys to understand, how they complement each other and how to put each to work. Would you say something about that, Erwan? Erwan: Ok, sure. I’ll touch on that and then I think, Alicia, why don’t you add to it because I know you’ve got some great things to say about this.
"Sensuality has to do with the senses and eroticism has to do with the mind...they both have their place, but they have different places."
The bottom line is that sensuality has to do with the senses and eroticism has to do with the mind. If you look up eroticism and sensuality in the dictionary, that’s what sort of divides the two. Now they both have their place, but they have different places. Alicia, why don’t you elaborate a little bit on that? Alicia: Eroticism for many people is like Erwan said images, so it may be images for a certain costume or things that you like your person that you’re making out with to wear, certain ideas, or something that turns you on in your head by the thought of it. Sensuality is actually being turned on and pleasured by what’s happening, by what you’re feeling, by what you smell and the touches and the tastes and the sights that are actually happening in the moment. They’re inherently turning you on and you feel them in your body because it’s happening right then. Many people in their sex lives have eroticism sort of central in their sex life. So their sex life sort of depends on images or thoughts or fantasies. There’s nothing wrong with that inherently, but we’re suggesting that having that be an add-in, having that be the spice of the meal and having sensuality be the meal. Have sensuality be the foundation of your sex life. Page 149 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Erwan: That’s such a key point, Grant. That’s such an incredible point, Alicia. Let me give you a specific example of that. We’ll sort of toot our own horn here for a moment, as if we haven’t enough already. [laughing] Alicia and I have been together for almost five years now. Our sex life is better now than it’s ever been. It’s better than it was in the beginning, better than the first kiss and the first time we had sex and better than it was in that ‘honeymoon’ period. That’s one of the benefits of having sensuality be the meal, because in the beginning of relationships between men and women…you know, we’ve worked with hundreds of couples over the years…the sex is great for everybody! It’s fantastic. But that’s an erotic turn-on. It’s because it’s new, and then after that honeymoon period goes, which is anywhere from 3 weeks or for some people it’s like 3 minutes, but 3 weeks to 6 months…after that honeymoon period is gone, 99.5% of couples, their sex life starts to diminish radically. That’s because they were getting their juice from the newness, the eroticism, what I’m going to call, for a Moore University term, and Neo mentioned them last week, the strangeness, the newness of it. It’s like “Wow!” Conquering and all that kind of stuff. But that kind of turn-on, that erotic turn-on wears down. So if sensuality is the main meal, actually what you’re feeling then, the more you attend to that, that increases…you get increasing returns versus diminishing returns. Now once you’ve got that as the main meal, actually what you’re feeling, the physical sensations, the turn-on in the body, bodily pleasure, then definitely bring eroticism back in. It’s this incredible spice. It’s this incredible pleasure, this incredible icing on the cake. You make things kind of spicy and yummy. It’s really an incredible enhancement. But it’s got to be based on something that’s actually real and nourishing and tangible and physical and what we call sensual. Grant:Very nice. This is a great sort of warning for what could go wrong. Again eroticism feels like the parallel of personality. Sensuality feels like the parallel of just being in touch with what you’re feeling without judgments or hope, and to really be there. Erwan: Exactly, and they’re both great. They’re both great, but you just always want to have the latter stuff that you just mentioned, Grant, you always want to have that first. Grant:Which one? The sensuality? Page 150 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Erwan: The sensuality, the feelings. It’s kind of like in a relationship with a woman…let’s use relationship as a parallel. If you’ve really got the being down and you’re really friends and you’re really connected and you’re really open and kind of like that, the turn-on’s going to come and go but the relationship’s going to last and the turn-on’s going to get better and better and better. But if it’s based just on that kind of erotic turn-on, eventually that’s going to diminish. You’re going to think that something’s wrong and the relationship’s going to fall by the wayside. Grant:I’d like to move to the next point, just to move the call along. We’ve got a lot of information that we want to get all out for everybody, and then we can come back to them in the questions. Something you talked about, and again it’s one of my favorite subjects because it really deals with fear and the boldness of self-expression…you talked about men’s resistance to being sensual, this essential first level. Before you get to the erotic stuff, that men are resistant because of a certain kind of numbness, certain kind of anger, certain kind of fear. I’d love to hear what you have to say about that, and add in what guys can do to overcome that…in two minutes. [laughing] It’s a great question. I just really want to hear what you have to say about that. Erwan: You know, men are trained in this culture to not feel and it’s not ok to be sensual and it’s not ok to be erotic. That’s one of the things that I love about this call and the topic of this call. You guys are really training and opening that territory up. The bottom line is it’s ok to be numb. It’s ok to go to war. It’s ok to dominate and to conquer. There’s certainly a place for that and there’s certainly a place for that in the bedroom. Women love that to a degree. But it’s not ok to be erotic. It’s not ok to be sensual. It’s just not permissible. The bottom line on why it’s not permissible is because we live in a work-oriented culture. We live where it’s all about production. It’s all about getting the job done. It’s all about work. You work 50-odd hours a week out of the year the whole time. It’s not like we work half a year and then we take off half the year. Grant:That’s nutty. I believe you told me originally that you’re originally French or of French lineage? Erwan:
That’s right.
Grant:This is all making sense now. [laughing] Erwan:
[laughing] The food analogy… Page 151
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Grant:A lot of guys on the call…I don’t know who’s on the call in terms of how you’ve traveled and where you’ve been, but seriously if you’ve been in Italy, if you’ve spent time there or in France or in India even, and I’m sure some other countries, they have a very different approach to what life is actually about, and pleasure is a much bigger concern. It’s the focus, it’s not the reward. It’s a way of being. Yeah, I love that. So what do you do? I’m sure some guys on this call feel maybe a little embarrassed to be sensual or they might be resistant, might be numb on some levels. Some might be in relationships, I know I’ve been, in relationships where if I feel bad about the relationship I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to grow or I was embarrassed to say, “Hey, I want to grow.” So what do you do? What kind of exercises do you offer to help people overcome that and really allow themselves to become sensual, and then I have something to say about that.
"The first thing we recommend men do is to start engaging their sensuality, their senses, their bodies. Start putting attention on it."
Alicia: Well, the first thing that we recommend men do is to start engaging their sensuality, their senses, their bodies, is to start putting attention on it. I’ll give you a couple of specific examples in a second. But merely putting attention on it and having an intention to grow there is the first part of it, so recognizing that yes, there’s some resistance and there’s some numbness and there’s some awkwardness or inexperience or something like that, and then saying, “I’m going to put my attention there.” A way you can do that, one way, is by setting up your environment, where you live, possibly even where you work, but definitely where you live…set it up sensually. Go out and buy things that feel good to you that are soft or things that smell good or a really beautiful painting for the wall or some music that sounds really good to you, or some poetry or something to appeal to your sense of conceptual thought. Anything that pleases you, start to notice that and start to notice the foods you really like to eat and how they feel in your mouth as you eat them and in your body as you swallow them down, and really start to put attention on that. That’s the first step. Grant:Great. And I’ll say something too. I think I may have mentioned this, I don’t know, in one of the earlier calls, but almost everyone on the call I imagine uses the Net2Bed system. And one of the big chapters is really talking about how to express what you do and how you live in sensually-alive terms so that Page 152 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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women can feel the man behind the profile, rather than just conveying detail or data. One thing I discovered, and I wonder if you guys have had the similar experience in the live realm, is that once I kind of give guys the tools to start writing this way and thinking this way, it’s like Niagara Falls are open and they pour out amazing language and it’s like it’s been bottled up for years. Some of the people I work with in private consultation, I have to really get them to hone it back a little because there’s so much feeling locked up and there is so much pleasure and the ability to express pleasure that’s sort of sitting in guys that doesn’t really find expression. Do you find that? The deliberation? Erwan: Yeah, absolutely, Grant. We absolutely do find that. It’s really great that you teach guys in the Net2Bed system to use that kind of language, because using that kind of language is not only going to appeal to a woman and attract her, it’s going to help the man put his attention there and start to orient himself that way. So he’s not only going to attract a woman, but he’s really going to grow and develop that way. It links him well with the exercise that Alicia was talking about, which is called ‘visiting dignitary’ by the way. It’s a Moore University exercise. Moore University are the people who originally created DO-ing a number of years ago. Neo alluded to them but didn’t elaborate on it. But it’s called ‘visiting dignitary.’ What that basically means is just how you languaged…the man used sensual language, language the woman could feel. She wasn’t just reading something conceptual. She could feel it. Then when she decides, “Well, great, I’m going to email this guy back,” and they’re on the phone and hopefully on a date, if he delivers on that, he delivers an experience that maybe they go to sushi, for example, which is a very sensual tactile kind of food to eat. Maybe he sets something up where they can feed each other. Maybe he goes so far as to put down a fake fur or something on the seat of his car so when she comes in she’s sitting on this…I’m just saying fake fur to be politically correct…but she’s going to notice that. She’s going to feel like, “Wow, this guy doesn’t just write about all this stuff. He’s living this way. He’s providing this kind of experience for me.” Let’s say they go out and they hear music. Maybe they go back to somebody’s apartment together and there’s great music on and there’s candles and like that. So it’s really delivering all of that sensual orientation. Page 153 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:I’m glad you said that. That’s interesting. I talk about online lessons for your offline life. You can use the languaging and use the principles of communicating as a way to really change who you are. I love that you put it that way, and again with online dating, I imagine a bunch of guys here do that, you know I never meet at Starbucks. I try never to meet there. I try to meet at an Indian restaurant or on the beach or one of those tea gardens that have beautiful fountains. It just totally changes the mood then meeting at Starbucks, where you’re staring at each other across a tall table. We’re on the same page there. It just utterly changes the experience. Erwan: Yeah, and let me just add one thing on also because you alluded to it earlier, and Alicia alluded to it as well. It’s really ok for guys to start with themselves. It’s ok to do this exercise for themselves first so they start to give to themselves that way. Alicia: And a woman can tell. From a woman’s perspective, we can tell when a man is really embodying that. I’m going to get into this very specifically next week, but the first time that I went over to Erwan’s house, I could just tell that he was very sensually aware and engaged. It was everything, from the way the candles smelled in the bathroom to the way that the woven pillow felt as I leaned against it on his couch. I could tell that it was deliberately chosen and it was propped and it felt good and it was so obvious. Grant:You’re going to walk us through that next week. Alicia, you’re coming back next week. While we’re on this, could you just kind of say what we’ll be getting into next week for everyone? Alicia: Yes. Next week’s title is “What Women Want and How to Give It To Them,” so basically that’s what it will be about. What I’m going to be doing is I’ll be expanding on a few of the points that we covered tonight in the call, as far as how to meet a woman, how to create a sensually-alive date to appeal to the woman’s senses, and I’ll be giving specific examples of how to do that and how that affects the woman. The men will walk away from the call with tons of ideas and confidence and tools that they can then go out into their lives and use. Grant:That’s next week and I want everyone to absolutely bring your questions. Think this week about what you’ve given woman, have not succeeded in giving women, what has worked, what hasn’t worked. Any questions you might have for Alicia, again we’ll have good questions and answers from her. Page 154 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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In fact, I want to skip talking about that a little bit this week because we’ve covered so much and there’s still other stuff I really want to get to. So let’s leave creating a sensually-alive date for next week. I want to talk a little bit about some how-to’s. Is that something you want to get into this week? Erwan:
Yeah, let’s talk about that.
Grant:Ok, some nice hardcore how-to’s. You sent me a list of five things that you think would be great for guys. So do you want to just talk about that list and what it means? Erwan: Yeah. Let’s put this into the overall context of how to have an even better sex life, and then one of the key elements of that is really how to meet a woman. So the first thing to do is decide that she’s worth it. This is huge. It’s funny because you’ve got to start there. Tiger Woods wins all the golf tournaments because he’s absolutely committed to that. He’s clear that it’s worth it and he puts his everything into it. Now if we go into a party or a bar and there’s a woman across the way and you want to meet her, or you’ve been married to a woman for 20 years and you want to get things up to the next level, you’ve got to start from choosing consciously and deciding that she’s worth it. That’s the first thing. The rest of them are going to be a little bit more specific and technique-oriented, but that first one really is the most important and it’s from there that all the rest of them make sense. Grant:Well let me ask you a question. Obviously in a relationship in the early stages you’re not sure. You’re kind of testing each other. Erwan: [laughing]
Right, and I’ll be straight with you, Grant. That’s not the way to go.
Alicia:
It’s a mistake, it’s a mistake.
Erwan: If you were just even considering her, start from that she’s absolutely worth it. Give her your full attention. Really go into it. You can’t find out if it’s the car you really want to drive, you really want to own, unless you really get in the car and really drive it around and really put everything into it. I’m not saying you’ve got to spend all your money or you’ve got to get married or anything, certainly not on the first five dates or anything, but I am saying that guys have so much love and so much sensual capacity and so much ability, but there’s this very kind of tentative approach. Page 155 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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It’s tentative because we’re afraid she’ll reject us, or tentative because we’re wondering is she worth it. That attitude will foil the thing right from the beginning and the guy will never actually find out…let’s go back to the car analogy…was this a great car? Maybe the car could have gone 150 mph, but he was only driving it 30 and then saying, “You know what, it only went 30 mph.” It’s a fundamental mistake that guys make, getting into it in that way, and it pisses women off. Alicia: It does, it really does. I mean I remember when Erwan and I first started hanging out and I even knew that he was dating a couple of other women and we were just getting to know each other. But when we were together, I was the only woman in his life and I had his full attention and his whole heart and the whole truth, and it felt great. That’s why we have such an incredible relationship because he gives himself totally, no matter what. Grant:Beautifully said. Erwan: And to add on to that example, you know we fell in love at a workshop and we talked once a month for the next four months after that. We fell in love. I was clear. “This is great. Let’s go!” "Women…operate And the response I got after we fell in love, and it was in front of a bunch of people so it was pretty obvious…it was a slam dunk. But all I could get from Alicia was a phone call, not even a live interaction, once a month for four months. But I knew she was worth it. I just started from that premise, and then after four months she came over to my house and then Bang, it just started like a 1,000 mph.
at a different pace sensually than men, and that’s very very important to understand."
But women are going to do that. They operate at a different pace sensually than men, and that’s very very important to understand. They go at a different pace. That doesn’t mean that they can’t go fast. They can and sometimes they do. But generally they go at a different pace, and if the guy’s thinking she should go at his pace, they’re just going to miss each other because they’re in different time zones. Grant:Exactly, very good. That’s another huge point there, guys. Maybe we can get a little into that from your point of view next week, Alicia. I’d like that.
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The second point…you had 5 how-to’s, so the first one was actually to make a list of the women you’re drawn to. Erwan: Yeah, let’s talk about that. Just some bottom-line how-to’s. Make a list. Now the tricky thing about making lists is that guys tend to make a list and it’s sort of like they’re going to put 10% into each woman. Make a list of the women you’re drawn to and put 100% into each woman. That’s really the way to do it. There’s nothing wrong with making a list, but don’t make a list and kind of like you’re going to give a little bit here and a little bit there. Make a list and put everything into each woman. The second thing is you’ve got to be on the court. Go to events where there’s women. Go to parties. Ideally go to parties where you’re not more than one degree of separation from most of the crowd. Women are much more open to guys who are not strangers. Guys are open to women who are strangers. Women are generally not open to a stranger typically. It’s a generalization but it’s typically true. Be on the court. Go to events. Then the third thing is, once you’re at an event and you’re going to talk to some women after you’re at an event, however many or few. Interview her. Find out what she likes. This is like the Holy Grail for dating. I’ve got to tell you it always amazes me how guys meet women and then they start talking to the woman about everything that he likes, or they start talking about something that’s absurdly boring to the woman like his job. What a woman wants to talk about is what she’s interested in, and if the guy interviews her and finds that out it’s going to accomplish two things. She’s going to like him and she’s going to enjoy the conversation, and he’s going to find out what she likes. So then they go on a date and he knows. He takes her to sushi because she likes sushi. He takes her to the beach and not the park because she likes the beach and she doesn’t like the park. He takes her to wherever. I mean, Alicia, you should tell them. [laughing] Alicia: [laughing] Yeah, I mean there was a time when Erwan and I went out on a date and it was actually for my birthday. He told me basically just to show up at his house at 4:00 and that was the only information that I got. We had spent some time together prior to that.
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From the moment I showed up at 4:00 until the end of the evening it was like glaringly obvious how much attention he had paid to me over the few months that we had been dating. I showed up at his house. He made a tea and it was the kind of tea that I like, and then he took me into the back room and the massage table was set up because I love massages, and there was a vase with star lilies in it because those are my favorite flowers. There was music that I really like that I always ask him to put on that was playing on the stereo, and then fast forward after the massage I felt like going out and he takes me to the café that I love to go to with him. Then we go out for sushi, which is my favorite. It’s like that. It’s simple actually. It’s like Erwan is saying, interviewing the woman and finding out what she likes. Grant:Yeah, not rocket science here. Erwan: That’s exactly right, Grant. It’s not rocket science. Find out what she likes. I gave her a massage not because I read a book and it said “Give her a massage.” I gave her a massage because she told me that she liked massage, so she saw that I was paying attention. Grant:Right, and again your intention wasn’t to get it over with or trade her. I imagine when you gave it to her you were there for her in a very different kind of way. Erwan:
Exactly.
Grant:The next one you mentioned is to design a sensually-alive date. And here’s the wild thing – you said for yourself first alone. I think this is the visiting dignitary practice you talk about. Erwan: Yeah. And in The Pleasure Course we always have people do this for themselves first. We have them, in fact, do a whole set of sensuality exercises for themselves, because you’ve got to learn to be sensual. You’ve got to learn to enjoy yourself. You’ve got to learn to treat yourself well before you’re going to be able to do that for somebody else. Now in terms of meeting a woman, yes, you’re doing it for her. But you’re going to do it much better for her if you know how to do it and you’ve done it for yourself. You seem much more abundant with your attention if you’re pleasured, if you feel good about yourself. It’s like you’re going to be able to feed somebody else if you’re not starving.
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If you’re starving, the notion of putting attention on somebody else, taking them where they want to go and all the rest of that kind of stuff, it’s not going to be appealing. You’re going to sort of secretly want to get yours. Grant:Finally, I wanted you to say a few words of putting structure into place, and then we’ll open the lines up for questions. We’ve covered some really heavy stuff tonight, some really deep stuff. By the way, anyone listening, if there’s anything like what these guys do in other cities I’d love to know about it. I somehow doubt it, but I’d be very curious. I’d like you to talk about what you do with individuals, both in San Francisco, over the phone, who come and visit, and you have all kinds of ways of working with people one-on-one, one-on-two, or two-on-twelve in different ways and I’d love to talk about some of those structures. Erwan: That’s the key word, Grant, is structure. It’s one of the things that I love about this call also, because what this call is is it’s a structure and it’s a mode of learning. It recurs week after week after week, so if someone really gets in there it’s a way that men can put their attention on eroticism and sensuality and pleasure and actually learn it. It’s not complicated to do that. If you want to get better at tennis, you put a structure in place. You hire a tennis coach. It’s the exact same thing for being men and women in relationships, for sensuality, and for high-level orgasm. So the last sort of how-to or thing to do, and probably the most important of all the ones we’ve covered, is put structures in place so that you can grow and develop in these areas. Beyond education, which is our enterprise, we have a whole curriculum that really takes a man or a woman, really both, from A to Z, from the beginning of sensuality and pleasure all the way up to being able to sustain and have a highlevel orgasm for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, an hour, or really be able to create that in somebody else’s body. So what the curriculum involves is the first thing is The Pleasure Course, which Alicia emphasized before. It’s a 1-2-3 dynamic, being man/woman dynamic and sensuality. The second part of the curriculum is coaching, and that can be done live or on the phone. It’s a once a week dialogue. For advanced students we actually do train them in the sensuality materials. They’ll bring in research partners and then we actually train them. So that’s a once a week meeting where you get really individual attention. The third part of the curriculum is an intensive. It’s a retreat. It’s a live-in intensive. The single or the couple, we have an extra room here, and they come Page 159 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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and they live with us for two weeks or for a set of weekends every couple weeks and we train them. They bring a research partner or we supply research partners or it’s a couple, and we actually train them in this material and that’s sort of a retreat intensive format. What goes on during all of that is our weekly lecture discussions, which are called being talks, and those are free lecture discussions on people’s deepest desires. Grant:Which I’m encouraging you all the time to podcast please. I can’t be there and they’re amazing and they really need to be captured and podcast. So I’d like guys to keep an eye out for that. I don’t know how they’d find it. Have you guys thought more about that? Erwan: You know, we’re in the process of starting to podcast it. Maybe when we get that rolling we’ll mention it to you and you can share it with the men. For now, the way to link up to us would be www.PleasureCourse.com, that’s the website. Alicia: And then once you get to the website you can send an email and we’ll get that email and put you on our events list so you can find out when and where the being talks are being held each week. Erwan:
[inaudible] administrator phone number.
Alicia:
415-308-9580
Grant: Very cool. And make sure when you do call in you mention that you met them here. It’s great for them to get an idea of just the power of these kind of events. Of course, you can always go to www.GrantLikes.com and look for Erwan. There’s a link with all their information there. So that’s great. You offer a lot. You’ve obviously done a lot of work. What I’d like to do now is I’d like to open up the phone call for questions. So once again everybody, we have this great software where if you press 5* a little hand gets raised on our screen. We’ll unmute you individually. So go ahead if you have a question for Erwan or Alicia. Here’s Jimmy from Baton Rouge. Caller: What you’re teaching sounds a lot like a tantric type of lifestyle, you know when you’re setting the environment and so forth. I consider myself to be a very sensual person. I was just wondering what is it that you actually call Page 160 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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what it is that you do? I mean how would you define yourself as a teacher. Are you tantric sensual trainers, teachers, practitioners, or what? Erwan: Really what distinguishes us is that we cover the full spectrum. There’s a lot of groups that teach sort of the spirituality. Maybe you go to a zen monastery or you go to a yoga ashram or something like that. Then there’s a few who teach man/woman dynamics, but they usually don’t cover too much spiritual stuff and they don’t usually cover too much sexual stuff. Then there’s a tiny tiny fragment, but there are some, that cover actual sexual technique and even expanded orgasm. But there’s very very few. I don’t really know of any that cover the full spectrum of that. So what distinguishes us is really covering the full spectrum of it. It’s not really tantra. I really like tantra and I study tantra, but we don’t teach it from a tantric approach. Tantra has a really beautiful language about breath and energy and like that. We don’t approach it that way. We approach it in a very sort of westernized way. For example, when we’re teaching people how to produce or sustain high-level orgasm, we really talk about what are the clinical signs of orgasm, the involuntary contractions in the genitals, what is the most sensitive part of the clitoris. It’s got a very sort of westernized really accurate kind of language to it, which is very different approach than a tantric approach. Again, it’s not better or worse, but we find that that’s really what’s most accessible for people to learn the technique of DO-ing for example. Caller:
I see. Thank you.
Grant:You wouldn’t limit yourself to labels. By the way, people who have a question, it’s 5* and a hand will raise and I’ll come along and unmute you. Right now we have Dean from Florida. Go ahead. Caller: I was on last week’s call with a question as well. How are you doing, Grant? Grant:Excellent. How you doing? Caller: I’m doing wonderful. Again, listening to Erwan and Alicia, hi to you both, I get homesick for San Francisco because I grew up there. It’s feeling like it’s 3000 miles away right now.
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I have a question. I don’t know whether this is in your realm, but I just thought I might bring it up. Do you have a surefire way to kind of weed out people with ulterior motives, ie let’s call them liars, people who want you for other things than what you’re putting out. Erwan: It’s a great question, and we do. But even before I answer that I’ll just say that our last big vacation was to Florida and we’ve never [inaudible]. We get homesick for Florida because of the weather. [laughing] But yeah, we actually turn away a significant number of people from the course. Well, maybe not significant but maybe 5-10% of people who want to take The Pleasure Course we actually turn away for one of two reasons. One is yeah, maybe there is some kind of ulterior motive or something like that. It’s not an upfront straightforward wanting to open and learn and grow and develop, what you might call a friendly and open motive. But we rarely get that. Most of the people that we would turn away are people who aren’t coachable, people who – Grant’s alluded to it before – it’s a big deal to transcend your personality and your identity. A lot of times people aren’t really up for that. It doesn’t have to be painful, but it is a big deal, and if people aren’t really open and willing and sort of up for that kind of process, then we generally recommend that they do maybe some more elementary transformative work, maybe therapy or something like that. One of the goals in The Pleasure Course is to really after three days that people have an enormous opening, a quantum breakthrough in their sex life, in their experience of themselves, and in their experience of the opposite sex, and it takes a lot of openness to do that. Grant:And we have yet another call to make you pine for Florida. We have Mark from Florida. Are you there, Mark? Caller:
Yeah, it’s Mark in Miami.
Grant:Anything like this in Miami? Caller: Not that I know of, but I wanted to tell them that if they were vacationing down in Florida again I’d love to sync up and do something like that down in Miami. Grant:Do you ever give workshops in other cities as guest workshops, guys? Erwan: You know, we do occasionally. We’ve done that occasionally. Basically it takes somebody who wants to host the course and have 10 people in the course, and then if they set that up absolutely. We go and we teach the Page 162 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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course someplace else, and it’s actually a really fun way. We really love to teach that way. Caller: Well, Grant, if you’re able to give an email or whatever out there on your site, I know on every call there’s at least 6-7 people in Florida and I’m sure we could get something like that going and round up some women. Just make sure we have it somewhere between November and March. Erwan: Call us or send us an email. Somehow get in communication with us and then we’ll just tell you how that works. Grant:Yeah, we’ll get all that information out. We’ll post it on www.GrantLikes.com. You’ll be able to find anything you need. Now, do we have any more questions? I think I may have run everybody off. Do we have any questions? Press 5*. We have Tom from Atlanta. Caller:
No, it’s Mark here. I actually did have a question.
Grant:Oh, I’m sorry. Ok, one more question and then Tom, you’ll be next. Caller: Yeah, a quick comment and then a question. First of all, I wanted to just say that the point about being on a woman’s pace, I don’t know, it may seem rudimentary for some people, but it was just breakthrough for me. I can’t say how many relationships I’ve sabotaged or got out of just because it didn’t seem to be working on the pace that I was comfortable with. So that’s just great. But I was hoping that maybe you could expand on that a little bit about even in your relationship, during the four months when you were only speaking once a month, about what types of things you talked about and what…you know, I wouldn’t want to break somebody’s trust by doing something that wasn’t considered, I don’t know, creating trust on both sides. But then again, four months is a long time. You probably wanted to date other people and do whatever. Alicia: Well, during those four months it wasn’t as if I was the only person in Erwan’s life. I mean that wasn’t really the point of what he was saying, as much as it was his full attention was on me and what I wanted and he gave me exactly that, versus what he thought I should want. I mean at the end of every phone call, because we would have a great conversation, he would say, “Oh, well hey, would you like to get together?” and then I would say, “No, I think we’ll have another phone conversation first,” and he said, “Great, that sounds great.” Page 163 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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He was enthusiastic about what I wanted, and therefore went at the pace that I wanted to go to. Caller: Right, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t dating other people or getting whatever social activity he wanted in his life during that time. Erwan: Yeah, I was dating other people. Now I’m a big advocate of being totally honest. I’m a big advocate of have your brain on loud speaker. Women know what’s going on anyway. But the only problem with that is if you’re going to do that then you really have to be delivering high-quality attention. See, if you’re really putting attention on a woman and really enjoying her and really honoring her, that’s what women really want. Then you can afford to tell the truth. Do you understand? Then it comes off well. If you’re not really putting high-quality attention on a woman and you tell her you are dating other people, it’s probably not going to fly with her. So I’m a huge advocate of put your brain on loud speaker, but you really better be delivering the goods if you’re going to do that. Now this is such a great question, Mark. The other part that I want to add in is that talking to a woman, relating with a woman, communicating sensually, communicating verbally, however…communicating emotionally…it’s a dance, it’s an art. It’s not a formula. So it’s like the formula of tell her everything. It’s not like that. It’s more like feeling her. It’s more like dancing a waltz at the dance hall. You’re feeling her. You’re dancing with her in a way that feels good. That’s what women pay attention to. Does it feel good? So in terms of not breaking her trust and all that kind of stuff, you’ve got to be careful because the minute you start to get concerned and worried that “Oh my god, am I going to break her trust and how’s this going to come off?” – What she’s going to feel is, “He’s tentative, he’s afraid.” That’s not going to feel good to her. So you’ve got to do it in a way that feels good. You’ve got to dance. You’ve got to do it tactfully. You’ve got to do it sensually, erotically. It’s all about the vibration. It’s not about doing the right thing. Caller:
That’s awesome.
Grant:I agree. Tom, you’ve been patient. Mark, thank you. That was a great question. Tom, are you still out there? Page 164 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Caller:
I’m here.
Grant:Beautiful. We’ll take one more question from Tom and then I think we’ll wrap up. Caller: call.
This is about the flip side of something you mentioned earlier in the
Grant:We’re having a little trouble hearing you I believe. Caller:
How about now, is that better?
Grant:A little better. We’ll struggle through. Go ahead. Caller: Ok. During the call you mentioned men’s resistance to advanced sexual practices. I want to ask about how that also occurs in a woman’s experience, and in particular I’ve had several long-term relationships, multi-year relationships, where 3-4 years into the relationship the woman sort of hits a sexual development wall where she just doesn’t want to go any further and becomes resistant to trying anything new, getting any training, just kind of going past where we were in the relationship at that point. Any thoughts about that? You guys have been in a relationship long enough to have a pretty valuable opinion on that. Alicia: Well, first of all there’s something wherever a woman is at, whether you are first starting to date her or if you’re in a long-term committed relationship with her, wherever you’re at with her. The key is her desire and her pleasure and what she wants. So in terms of trying something new or getting more training or anything that you may have wanted to do, it’s really important to have your attention on her and what she wants and what her ideas are and what she’d like to learn, because that is what’s going to turn her on. Caller: Yeah, I guess my question is what happens when you hit that point where she’s gone as far as she wants to go and maybe you’re still interested in going further? Erwan: Yeah, it’s a really good question and people hit those places in their relationships, often multiple times. Sometimes the woman hits that place, sometimes the man hits that place. Let’s talk about it how you explained it, the woman’s hitting that place. When a woman hits that place, she’s got a withhold. There’s something that she wanted that she didn’t get, and she’s not willing to say what it is, or she said what it is and it hasn’t been heard. Page 165 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Where most people live sexually is in total hopelessness and total resignation. Most men have so little idea how to actually pleasure a woman. Most sex acts focus so little attention on the clitoris, and if there is attention on the clitoris it’s not attention the way she would like it to be. It’s usually too little communication, too fast, too hard, if there even is attention on it. There’s enormously more attention on a man’s penis and the head of a man’s cock than there is on a woman’s clitoris. If you looked at your average couple’s sex act it’s got to be 10 to 1 that way, and when the attention does get on her clitoris it’s usually not very skilled. So women live in a state of not just hopelessness, but really despair and resignation sexually, and that’s why they’re generally so resistant and often so angry. So when a woman really just closes down, it’s because there’s something she wanted that she didn’t get, and that’s where women live and sometimes that closure can be chronic and sometimes it can come very suddenly, but there’s something she’s not saying or something that wasn’t heard. The way around that is learning how to give her what she wants, finding out what she wants. Maybe she’s so pissed off or so closed or an emotional issue came up or she’s not getting the kind of sexual attention she wants, but there’s something she wants. Maybe she wants a massage. Maybe she wants to do touching that’s not genital in nature. Maybe she wants an enormous amount of attention put just on her pleasure first and exclusively. Now again these are generalizations, but that’s usually the thing that’s missing. For the first eight months of my relationship with Alicia, all I did was pleasure her. That’s all I did, and I didn’t do it as some kind of sacrifice. I did that because I’m brilliant. [laughing] I just had to say it that way to stroke my own ego here. But I did it that way because I really really liked her and she was a keeper and I knew that was the way to do it, and I enjoyed doing that and I enjoyed seducing her in that way. Now we have a really incredible sex life and, believe me, I get mine. We have a varied sex life and we have an incredible sex life and we have like a phenomenal sex life that really gets better and better. But I keep my eye on the prize. I know that she’s the one who…you know what I’m saying? I don’t have the pussy, she does. It doesn’t mean that I’m not sensual and it certainly doesn’t mean that I don’t get mine or don’t have a great sex life, but the heat starts with the woman.
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To keep a woman open you’ve got to find out what she wants. When a woman closes down suddenly, there’s something she wanted that she wasn’t getting and it didn’t get communicated. Grant:Is that good? Do you have an answer to your question? Caller: It’s something to think about. I don’t think in the specific types of cases I’m thinking of that that’s really the nexus of the problem. Grant:Can you state it more clearly? Caller: Yeah, let me give you a specific example with a specific long-term relationship. This is a relationship where I knew the woman for 15 years and we were intimate and lived together for almost six years. About four years into that six-year relationship, where I had taken her a number of steps sexually…when she started she had not really had a proper orgasm in her entire life. We took care of that fairly early on, but then used some of the training that I’ve been learning for the last 25 years to take her to the next step and the next step. At every step along the way she was resistant but willing to let me lead her kind of to that next level, until we hit this certain point about four years into the relationship where “I don’t want to go any further. That’s it. I’m done.” Grant:
Where was the point?
Caller:
The point? I’m sorry?
Grant:Where was that point? How would you describe it? Caller: We had gotten to her being able to have relatively lengthy orgasms sort of in the ordinary sense, a 30-second to 1-minute orgasms, and being multiply orgasmic. The next step that I wanted to see if we could get her to work on was continuous orgasms and more into things that would take her into more full-body type of orgasms, and she just didn’t want to go there. I did a lot of the same kinds of comfort-building, reassuring, and listening to her I had done at all the steps along the way to get her past her resistance, but she sort of at this point just decided “I just don’t want to go any further. That’s it. We’re done.” Not that we were done with sex at that level, but the sexual growth in the relationship stopped.
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Erwan: It’s pretty clear what’s going on there. I can give you an overview of it. The only thing is this is a difficult dynamic to get into material of this depth, but I’ll just give you a little bit of an overview from our perspective. We’re very very effective with couples having ongoing sex lives that get better and better. But what I heard when you were speaking was that you wanted to get her to the next level, and that’s exactly the opposite of the approach that we’re talking about. We’re talking about really trusting and following her desire. See, men often have an agenda and the key to successful man/woman dynamics is the man totally dropping his agenda, finding out what her agenda is, and time after time after time we always find she has a more interesting agenda. It goes down a more varied path, it’s always fun, and it’s always sexual and growth and more and more and more. But she will put the breaks on that the minute she feels he’s trying to run the show. Caller: That’s interesting, because the experience with this relationship in particular was that she was willing to stop at each sort of level of development and was not interested in learning about going further or even going there to the next level until I introduced it to her. I hear what you’re saying, but if we take this specific case at this point had I gone with that approach we would have never gotten past, “Well, ok, you finally had an orgasm.” She was thrilled with that when that first happened. She would have stopped right there. She would have been very happy with that because she really didn’t know there was more to do. Erwan: I hear what you’re saying, but there’s a way you’re languaging it, and Alicia’s nodding here so I think I’m on the right track…the way you’re languaging it where you’re in the driver’s seat. Eventually that’s not going to work. It may work for awhile, but in the long run it’s not going to. She just wanted something different. Maybe she wanted a break. I mean we talk about men’s resistance because this is a call mostly with men, but women have an enormous amount of resistance and what we recommend when a woman resists, go in the direction that she wants to go in. For example, I went on a date once with a woman and I took her out to a really fancy restaurant. We were having a great time, it was a beautiful thing and everything, and then all of a sudden she stopped having a good time at the restaurant and like it just didn’t feel good anymore. Page 168 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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What I did was in the middle of the entrée I hailed the waiter. I called him over and asked for the check, and I took her by the hand and I just walked out of the restaurant because she had really gone in a different direction from being there, an absolute U-turn from where we were headed. On a dime I changed directions immediately. The next thing I know we’re in the back of my truck having sex. If you follow a woman’s direction, it really really will go a good way. It doesn’t mean you can’t offer a menu of options and suggestions, and it sounds like you were being a real gentleman and really opening up opportunities for her. But she just wanted something different at that time, and my hunch is, and from the languaging, is that you might have been being a little bit too directive about what you wanted. Grant:Ok, thank you again for hitting that really key point. I’d like to end on that because there’s an underlying structure to a lot of what you said, because really to untangle a lot of that direction and control and ultimately erasure of a woman’s pleasure by trying to put your own priorities on here – that’s really kind of a theme I think throughout the call. I would like to first of all thank you guys very much for joining us tonight. This was once again an awesome call. I think we all learned a lot. Here’s what I want guys on the call to do. There’s two things. Again it’s real important for us to understand what you got out of this and what you felt was most important, what you learned, and what you’d like to learn more about, because that’s really our service. That’s really why I do this, to really provide you the best people I can find around the country, and eventually hopefully the world, and really give you information that you can put to use and to introduce you to people who can lift you up, whether it’s through their written work, their audio products, or coaching like Alicia and Erwan. So please go to www.EroticMastery.com/members/feedback, section 4. If you do that, that’s great. And also we have this blog. It’s at www.GrantAdamsTrainings.com, and every time we have a call I sort of write my first thoughts, what really impacted me, and I’ve already done that, I posted that. So if you go to www.GrantAdamsTrainings.com you can post what you learned anonymously. You don’t have to put your whole name. But it’s really good for the community, for people to put up there what you’ve learned exactly tonight and what you really think you’ve gained, because there’s a lot of information here.
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I want to see if we can open up the lines, guys, so that we can get some more thank-yous from all over the world. Thank you guys so much, and I look forward to working with you and playing with you in the future. Good night everybody!
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The Grant Adams Trainings
Erotic Mastery Teleseminar Transcript Session 5 Alicia Bayer What Women Want and How To Give It To Them
Limits of Liability & Disclaimer of Warranty This document is for entertainment purposes only. The author, publisher, and participatings are giving no specific instruction or medical, psychological, or behavioral advice. No one connected with this document is a doctor, attorney, or mental health professional. Before engaging in any activity that is risky to yourself or another person, please consult an appropriate professional for advice. The author and publisher of this ebook and the associated materials have used their best efforts in preparing this material. The author and publisher make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this material. They disclaim any warranties expressed or implied, merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable for any loss or other damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. This material contains elements protected under International and Federal Copywright laws and treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.
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Transcript Grant Adams (Grant): Welcome everybody. This is call #5 of our series, Erotic Mastery. We’ve had a nice journey so far, and tonight we’re going to take a new tact with a very very special guest. Alicia, are you there? Alicia Bayer (Alicia):
Yes, hi Grant.
Grant:Cool, hey, how are you? It’s really good to have you. I’m actually really excited. We’re actually going to have a woman’s point of view. What a concept in this world, to actually hear from a woman, and not just any woman. Let me say a few words about Alicia. She is an amazing human being. She has done really deep work. She’s an accredited psychologist. I’m not sure of the degree, but I know you have a degree. Alicia:
Yes, it’s a Master’s in psychology.
Grant:Mastery’s in psychology, so she’s really deeply rooted in what it is to be human, what it is to be in relationships, and she has been working with Erwan for a very long time on The Pleasure Course, which we were talking about last week, which takes couples and individuals deep through levels of being into a kind of deep…and I love this term…high-level orgasm and intentionality and attention to the deep pleasure of women. I’ll speak for myself. One of the things that really struck me last week, Alicia, is that you guys were talking about how just the practice of focusing on the pleasure of your woman really changes who you are. That to me was just a killer lesson, so I want to thank you for that. Alicia:
You’re welcome.
Grant:And I look forward to going even deeper into that subject tonight. What we’re going to do tonight is not only tap Alicia’s deep knowledge and deep experience, but she’s going to give us the point of view of a woman who’s obviously done a lot of really cool work in this area, and someone who’s witnessed deep changes in both men and women by leading them through this kind of work. I’m personally really curious to hear some of the stories of change that she’s seen. One overall comment for tonight is that we’re really going to be talking mostly about the ground work of deep sexuality rather than techniques of deep sexuality tonight, because Alicia really has so much to say about this. Page 172 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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So, ready to go, Alicia? Alicia:
Yeah, I’m ready!
Grant:Ok, cool. I want to open with talking about opening. One of the great lessons I think we’ve all really gotten clearly throughout this series is that sex really begins in relationship, and relationship really begins in that first moment, and that first moment really begins in who you are anyway before you even meet. So there’s a real continuum. So what I wanted to do is to talk to you first about approach, about how can you really set the ground work for a deep sensual blissful relationship starting at the first minute? Alicia: Great. Well, first I want to say, Grant, I’m really happy to be on this call with all of you guys as well. It says a lot about all of you that you put your time and energy into learning this. It’s exciting, and it’s exactly what women like is a man who puts time and energy into learning how to please women. Grant, what you’re saying is really correct. It all starts from even before you approach a woman, whether you see her at a party or you see her in a café or you see her walking down the street, or whatever your first point of contact is. The main thing that I want to get across is that it’s important to actually enjoy the woman and who she is exactly how she is far before you even approach her. Oftentimes when a man sees a woman, and I see this all the time in my coaching practice and with the men that I train, they immediately say, “I want her. How do I get her? I need her,” and are coming up with strategies.
"The main thing…is that it’s important to actually enjoy the woman and who she is…before you even approach her."
“How can I get her to like me? What can I do?” and completely miss simply enjoying the woman, noticing her, watching her, and enjoying her from afar before the first interaction. Grant:It kind of reminds me as you were talking, and I don’t mean to be crude about this, but it almost sounds like how people eat in this country. You know the food comes, you eat it, it’s gone. Alicia:
Right, and you miss what’s actually there.
Grant:You miss all the full flavor, yeah. Alicia: Yes, and the way that taking this approach will actually help you all in approaching women is that you give yourself time to actually enjoy her and be Page 173 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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truly interested, and then you can approach her from a clear place and engage her from a clear place. Grant:I want to ask you two questions about that. You raised two questions for me. What does it mean “from a clear place?” But first, walk us through. How do you take someone in? I mean we all have something to learn here. What does it mean to take somebody in? Alicia: Great. Well, first “from a clear place,” what I mean by that is as opposed to immediately strategizing and thinking about what you’re going to say and how you’re going to get her to respond in the way that you want her to, because generally that’s a person’s perspective as they’re walking toward the table or across the room. Their head is full of all sorts of strategies and “How am I going to get her to like me? What’s she going to think?” So here’s what it looks like. Picture yourself sitting in a café and you look across the café and you see a woman and you get that feeling. You’re struck, she’s beautiful, you want to go talk to her. Now what to do with that is you stop and you watch her and you look at her and you notice what kind of shoes is she wearing? What is she reading? What does her hair look like? Is she wearing earrings? Does she look a particular way? Have a particular hairstyle? Just take time and let yourself actually notice the details of her and find enjoyment in that. Grant:So finding enjoyment is the opposite, if I understand what you’re saying, finding enjoyment is the opposite of actually strategizing. Just sitting with her. Alicia: Yes, because that is basically what there is to do with a woman is enjoy her, because she is inherently a pleasurable being. Grant:I’d have to agree with that. Alicia: Yeah, good! That’s how women are, and what tends to happen is that very crucial fact gets missed and it quickly turns to “I want her. How can I get her? I need her. What can I say?” Obviously you have all those desires and that’s fine, but when you approach her, how you approach her is very key. For example, when Erwan first approached me we had been in a workshop together all weekend, and some of you heard part of the story last week if you were on the call. We’d had lots of opportunities to interact and he had a lot of opportunity to watch me and notice me, and he approached me at the end of the workshop and he Page 174 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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asked me out, and I could tell when he was talking to me that he was at ease. He was enjoying me. I ended up saying no to him, but then it didn’t faze him one bit. He was enjoying the simple fact that I existed and that he was talking to me and that I was a woman that he was attracted to. Grant:So you didn’t feel any disappointment in that moment when you basically rejected him? Alicia: No, there wasn’t disappointment, there wasn’t a standoffishness. There was emotion. I could tell he was with me. I didn’t feel that he was unaffected, but he rolled with it. He was even enjoying the fact that I was moving away in the other direction. Grant:So you sensed right there that there was no neediness. Alicia:
Yes, right there.
Grant:Ok, beautiful. One of the issues I’ve really been dealing with on all the different businesses and all the different kind of research that I do, both online, offline, with beautiful women, without beautiful women, and certainly in the areas of eros and sensuality is really looking at the mindset difference between wanting stuff and giving stuff. About really approaching the world and approaching women from a basic sort of mind stance and heart stance of generosity. Did you sense that from him, that he was someone who didn’t need…or on the other hand did you sense that he was someone who was giving versus someone who was just there. Alicia: I sensed that he was whole and complete in what was happening in the moment and who he was. I didn’t sense a neediness. Grant:Ok, so I’d say that was a huge point here. So approach without neediness. Now the obvious question – guys, they are very wantful, needful. You know, they see a beautiful woman and they really want her. So how do you guys train people to transform that kind of lust into a more steady state of being? Alicia: Here’s what we do, and you guys can do this. This is actually something you can do when you approach a woman. You wouldn’t do it in the exact form that we do in the course because it’s more in an exercise format, but here’s the basic thing to do:
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Practice noticing what is right in front of you. Usually you see a woman and in your mind that translates into “Oh my gosh, I want her, I need her, I can’t wait.” Rather than that, practice noticing her. “Oh, I noticed the earrings you’re wearing and how they fall down your cheek on the side of your face. I noticed how the little stones in your earrings match your eyes, and the way that your shirt falls over the side of your shoulder and the color of your skin and the smoothness of your skin.” Notice objective things about her. Grant:Without judgment. Alicia: Without judgment, exactly, without judgment, and that is actually something that really turns women on. Women are used to walking around the world being grasped at and objectified and all sorts of things, which is just the way it is. So actually a man who is noticing…we call it ob-nosing …it’s noticing the obvious. It’s actually seeing what’s right in front of you, the woman who’s right in front of you, noticing that, and feeling all of those feelings that come up. Let yourself feel them. There’s no need to suppress them. But when you’re with a woman, really noticing her, putting your attention on her, and…this comes back to the practice of really putting your attention on someone…you’re out of your head when you’re truly doing that. You’re not in your head, thinking, worrying, hoping, and trying to get somewhere. You’re with her. Grant:You know, I love that. Putting your attention on her. Obviously there’s that great continuum right from that first moment and right up through high-level orgasm. It’s really about putting your attention on her. And when you talk about it I really get the sense, I hear an echo, this is artistry. I mean this is what an artist does.
"There’s that great continuum right from that first moment and right up through highlevel orgasm. It’s really about putting your attention on her."
Sidenote: I’ve obviously been a writer all my life, but also whenever I travel I bring a sketch pad and I’ll sit in a public square or I’ll sit in the mountains and I’ll draw whatever’s in front of me. Whenever I do that, whenever I notice all those little details, I really find that I understand what I’m looking at so much more deeply. I develop an affection for it, even a love for it, and it stays in my mind.
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So whether it’s a Florentine plaza or a Joshua tree out in the desert, they stay with me. I have a clear memory, and obviously some kind of affection over time. So there’s kind of an artistry, and I know there’s a woman up in San Francisco who has an organization called Life As Art, and I really hear that. Do you guys look at it that way, as a kind of artistry? Alicia: It is, it’s definitely an art, and something that makes it an art is that you can never do it wrong and you can always enhance it, transform it, shift it, and change it. Grant:I love that. And it’s fun! Alicia:
Exactly.
Grant:I mean let’s get back to the basics here. I mean it’s really fun. It’s really great to revel in the details of a woman. I love doing this and this is like a thing of mine. I love women’s apartments. I love walking into a women’s house or a woman’s apartment and just taking in all the fabrics and the care with which women…I mean my house compared to their house? Forget about it. I’m standing here in my home office. There’s a bicycle here, a drum set, and books everywhere. You walk into a woman’s house, there’s beautiful curtains, great little sculptures, everything’s neat. There’s a beauty to a woman who’s in touch with her femininity certainly that’s just a wonder to take it all in. There’s a pleasure there, so we should really enjoy that. But what I really want to get at is you said you can never do it wrong. A lot of guys, because we’re always out there meeting women and stuff, are concerned about failure. Let’s say a guy walks up to a woman and says, “I can’t help noticing your earrings,” or whatever they notice about her, and chances are she might be really impressed and touched, or she might blow him off. What do you have to say to that? Do they get extra embarrassed because they put the work in? Alicia: That’s such a great question. It’s what I call with the men that I coach ‘transcending failure.’ You’re going to fail. That is something that there is to confront. I mean there’s so much about meeting women and dating women and how to do it. Everybody wants to know about that, but one thing that we actually encourage is failing. It’s accepting the fact that you’re going to fail and you are going to be rejected by women. Page 177 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Women are going to say no, and if you expect that and invite that, rather than try to avoid that, meeting and dating women is a whole new experience. It’s free. You’re free. It doesn’t mean you’re not going to have emotions about it. It doesn’t mean you’re not going to feel certain ways. But when I start working with men and they all want to meet women and say “I want to learn how to rock women’s world and give them what they want and date women or get into these great relationships,” I send them out and I say, “Make offers to women daily.” This is something you all can do. Make offers to women daily. Make offers meaning walk up to them and ask them if they want to get a cup of coffee, if they’d like to have a conversation with you, if they’d like to go for a walk, if they’d like to go out for dinner, whatever it is that you choose to do. You commit to doing it daily so you get used to being said no to. Grant:And it doesn’t rock you. There are a lot of training programs in all kinds of different fields that actually send you out. Go to a restaurant and order a pair of shoes. Just get into the practice of not worrying about it because your body finds out you don’t die. It’s fine. Alicia: Right, and you can make a game out of it. Something I was going to mention a couple minutes ago, another thing that you all can do, which I have my clients do, is you keep a record of all of the women you meet. Whether it’s you say hi and get her name in a café, or you have a long conversation with her or you meet her at a party or whatever degree you guys relate, keeping a record of how you met them, who they are, what they like, any vital information about that, what they’re into, and you organize yourself. That leads to a lot of success because you remember the details. You’re making a list. You’ve got women to choose from and to call, so it’s not this thing where each woman you approach is The One, and then if she says no it’s the end of the world, because it’s not. It’s a game. Grant:Now if it’s a game, let me ask you a question. This is obviously really useful for us, but what about the woman on the other end? Obviously I’m sure, knowing you, that you don’t want women on the other side to feel like we’re playing a game with them, so I want to be able to clarify that. Alicia: Yes. It’s not that you’re playing a game with the woman. It’s not the same thing as playing games, you know that term playing games or being untrue or inauthentic. It’s not that. It’s more that you don’t want to take it as seriously. You want to give everything. I think we talked about this last week. No matter if you’re in a committed soon-tobe married relationship with a woman or if you are on your first date with a Page 178 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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woman, you give everything to her, all of your attention, your whole truth in those interactions. If you’re doing that, you’re not playing games with her. The game is more with yourself to take the seriousness out of it. Grant:Ok, yeah, sort of self-seriousness. Alicia:
Yes.
"You’re not playing games with her. The game is more with yourself to take the seriousness out of it."
Grant:By the way, just as a side note, you said something and I have to put all my stupid education to work. There’s a poem by Emerson called Give All To Love, and when you guys are ready go look that up on Google. It’s an amazing little two-stanza poem about what it means to give all. Do you know this one, by the way, Alicia? Alicia:
I don’t actually.
Grant:Give All To Love and it’s fantastic. It’s about really giving everything at the moment, just like you’re talking about. The last lines are, from my vague memory, is what happens when you do that is the half-gods go and the full god arrives, the full experience really arrives. So I’m going to tie that into this. It’s a great little piece. So now I’ve justified my extra years of college. Alicia: That’s great. And one other thing that’s useful, and I see this because I do this in my coaching classes, is when you take on a commitment, such as I’m committed to finding a few cool women to date, or I’m committed to finding a great woman to be in a relationship with, and you take on the practice of making offers to women daily and you really want to do that, put yourself in a structure to hold you accountable. It’s like if you decided you wanted to build muscle mass. One step is to join a gym, and you make a commitment that “I’m going to go to the gym five days a week or three days a week,” or whatever you decide. Then it’s a whole other world if you hire a personal trainer, because you have someone holding you to account. So whether that’s us or whether it’s someone else that you know that does this, I cannot stress the importance enough of having a structure. When you’re in the face of rejection, maybe you’ve got seven days in a row where a woman says no to you, it really helps to have someone holding you to account. Page 179 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:Ok, cool. Now that brings me to a topic we began to touch on last week. It’s really about taking the sort of awkwardness of a date and the kind of usual…and by the way, we’re just after Valentine’s Day. I’ve been on a little rampage. I’ve actually been on television down here this week going on a little rampage about how Valentine’s Day just brings out clichés in people. It just brings out you’re expected to do this and you’re expected to do that, and it’s really an opportunity to be original. Going back to the topic you guys started to bring up last week, instead of just having a date, you can really have erotic or sensual transcendence, just an amazing experience in mind at the end. Walk me through, and I know you guys have a lot to say about this, but walk me through what you call a sensual evening or sensual date, again from that first moment. The more ideas you can throw at us the more grateful we’ll be. Guys, also keep your questions ready for the end and we’ll be able to ask then. Alicia: Well, I’ll give you two examples. One is a short example and then one is a little bit of a longer example. It reminds me of a story that Erwan tells sometimes. He met a woman and she was an old friend and she had been traveling in China. So that’s something that he found out in that first conversation. “What have you been up to?” “Oh, I’ve been traveling in China,” and she was so lit up about China. So he asked her if she wanted to have a date, to come over, go out on a date or come over to his house. They end up deciding to go to his house and he invites her over specifically for dim sum and to watch a Chinese film. So that’s an example of how you can just take it to the nth degree. You can find out, “Oh my gosh, she’s so lit up about China. I’m going to have Chinese food. I’m going to have a Chinese movie,” and it’s fun. He had her over and it was a great time and she was floored that he had paid so much attention to those details. So that’s a short example of what we mean. So like I mentioned, when you start keeping records of women that you meet and women you like and women you know and what they’re into, that gives you vital information about what to do when you create a date with her.
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Grant:So there’s no standard sensual date? Alicia: There’s no standard sensual date. It’s funny because that’s the one danger of asking a friend. Often you’ll ask a friend, “What should I do with this woman? I’m really into her. This is our first date.” So they’ll give you their idea of what their girlfriend liked on their first date, which may not fly with your woman. So it’s really having your attention on her. When Erwan and I had our first date, he knew. We’d had several phone conversations and an experience at a workshop and he knew that I liked to relax, I liked to listen to good music, I like to have long conversations, I liked to have yummy smells around me. He knew what kind of music I liked. So I arrived at his house and we had said let’s meet at his house and then we’ll decide what we do. I walked in and I still remember how my body felt when I walked in. I felt the beats of the soft sensual music from the stereo and the faint smell of lavender floating out of the bathroom and the smooth stone of the Buddha statue that was sitting on the shelf next to the couch, and the soft pillow that was on the couch as I leaned against it when I walked in. What I really noticed and what I thought was “Wow! This guy is really in touch with his sensuality and his senses and he knows what feels good and I love that.” This goes back to what we talked about last week about for yourselves learning and practicing how to set up a sensual environment. We talked about the visiting dignitary exercise where you actually practice setting up your space with different touches and smells and textures and colors. Women really notice that. Grant:Yes they do. And it’s not a bad idea, by the way, to involve your women friends. Have them come look at your house. I did that when I got my own house. “Come on over. What’s working, what’s not working? What’s a turn-off? What’s not?” Get some input from friends. Alicia: Yes. Now the second thing that happened on our first date that had an impact on me was I said to him, “Wow, it feels great in here. I love this music. Do you just have this kind of music playing all the time?” And he said, “Oh, I put it on because you were coming over.” As simple as that. I saw that he had deliberately set the space up to appeal to my senses and he was up front about that. There was no strategizing. It was a turn-on.
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Grant:I love, by the way, that so many advisors to guys and girls, everything from the book The Rules to several data gurus really counsel subterfuge. And what I love about you guys and the reason why I wanted to give you two weeks is, besides your incredible knowledge and experience, is that you really do focus on being deliberate and being up front about it. “I put it on because of you.” No feigning, no fakery. It’s a beautiful thing. Alicia:
Good.
Grant:Ok, keep me walking. Alicia: So basically Erwan sits down on the couch and we’re chatting, and the sense that I kept getting from him was there was nowhere to go. There was nowhere to go, meaning he may have had ideas and fantasies and thoughts and desires, but I got that he was there to enjoy me. We chatted and I my senses were so heightened and I was turned on, and I felt after we chatted for a few minutes…well, longer than a few minutes but for a little while…I really felt like I wanted him to kiss me. Then right as I was thinking that, he leaned in and he kisses me and then I felt all sorts of fear and I backed off and I said, “I don’t know if I can do this.” I did that thing that women do where we’re in and then we’re out and then we’re in and then we’re out. I did that. Grant:Yes, I know it well. Alicia: Yeah. And he said, “Yeah, you’re right. We should probably stop.” And he sat back and looked totally content with that and continued chatting with me about a completely unrelated topic. I was like, “Oh my gosh, he’s not trying. He’s not efforting. He’s not grasping,” which of course made me want to kiss him more, and before I even thought that thought he leaned in again and kissed me again, and it went like that. And what I’m talking about, the principle here, is feeling the direction the woman wants to go in. This is a whole other conversation, but this is called push-pull and it’s something that we train men in depth who take The Pleasure Course, how to really feel where is the woman? What pace is she at? Does she want to go forward? Does she want to go backward?
"The principle here is feeling the direction the woman wants to go in…It’s not a technique as much as it is paying attention."
It’s not a technique as much as it is paying attention. Page 182 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:Is there anything you can clue us in, because that’s obviously a big question for a lot of guys. Are there any real tips or clues you can give, even though you can’t do the whole class right here? Alicia: Yes. I’ll give something more specific in a second, but what it really is about is knowing your body so well and putting your attention on her and feeling what she’s feeling in your body, so you know. Is she turned on? Does she want it? Does she not? That sounds like magic right now. It’s not something I can send you home with, so I understand that. It’s something you can get very good at with some training. Grant:There’s some classic body language reading standards that work across time that I know about. Maybe you can add one or two. If a woman touches her hair is often a way, if she touches her body when she’s talking to you, if she licks her lips or she touches her lips…these are all kind of indicators often. Yes? No? Alicia: Those can all be indicators, but I want to veer away from saying something like if she licks her lips that means something, because it could mean one thing for one woman and I can’t say exactly. But you can really really trust what you feel. You can trust what you feel and go in that direction. Grant:What a concept for men. Alicia: Right. [laughing] Certainly in the scenario with us, if I’m saying, “No, no, I don’t want to do this,” then you go in that direction. “You’re right, we shouldn’t do this. In fact, we should probably stand up and go out for a walk.” If you go in that direction that she’s going in more than she’s going in, and then if she comes back and her skin starts glowing and she’s looking at you with those eyes, then you pull her in. Grant:Ok, cool. Now the sensual date. Have we walked all the way in or do you have some more tips there? Alicia: Well, basically the rest of the sensual date starts to tie in to what I wanted to address next, which is called DO-ing. Grant:Ok, beautiful. We’ve been introduced to it, but I’m sure you have your own perspective.
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Alicia: Right. So I’m going to tie this into the date. Now DO-ing, which Neo talked to you all about a couple weeks ago, and then Erwan and I brought into the call last week, DO-ing is….for those of you who this is your first time on the call…it’s a technique and it’s beyond a technique. It’s putting your attention on the pleasure of another person. The actual technique DO-ing that we teach…DO-ing stands for ‘Deliberate Orgasm’…so deliberately creating orgasm in another person’s body. What it looks like if a man is DO-ing a woman, the woman’s laying on the bed or wherever, on the floor, on the bed, on her back, and the man is sitting up by her side. So he has full access to her genital area and especially her clitoris, which the upper left-hand quadrant of her clitoris specifically is the most sensitive part of a woman’s body. The most dextrous part of anyone’s body, but in this case the man’s body, is the tip of his index finger. So he has full access to her genitals, to her clitoris, and he can stimulate her clitoris with his index finger and communicate with her fully and talk to her and maximize the pleasure in her body. This is a great thing to add in to your sexual and sensual life and your routine. For example, in this first date that Erwan and I were having, we were sitting on the couch and we were fooling around and kissing a little bit. Often this can lead to sexual intercourse in the next five minutes and it’s actually a little bit further than you wanted to do, but that’s just sort of what happens and then you’re down there at the end. DO-ing is a great thing because it’s a very intimate, very sensual thing you can do that doesn’t come with all of the trappings that intercourse can tend to come along with. Most importantly, the woman’s not usually ready for intercourse at this point. So DO-ing is really a great way to be sensual, to put her attention on her pleasure, in a way that she’s ready for. Grant:Ok. Is there anything you want to add to the actual DO-ing process that we talked about last week? Is there anything you can add over the phone? I mean it’s ultimately a thing you have to do. It’s not really a thing you can talk about in the end. Alicia: Yes. Now I can say a few things about this. The principle is the exact same principle that I’ve brought in since the beginning of the call, from when you’re first noticing a woman to when you’re talking to her to when you’re out on the first date and you’re spending time together. It’s attention on her and noticing what’s in front of you. So we train people in DOing and the subtleties and the techniques as you just said are something that you can only really be trained in.
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However, what you can start doing is if you’re involved with a woman or if you’re sitting across from her at the table or if you’re being sensual or sexual, noticing her body, noticing her genitals, looking at her genitals and saying, “Wow, your outer lips are a pink color and they’re about half an inch thick, and now they’re engorging and they’re deepening in color a little bit and I notice as I’m stroking my fingers up the right side of your lips I can feel tingles on my fingers,” and talking to her like that. Talking to her in not necessarily laboratory terms, but almost like that, like you’re doing research, like you’re looking and you’re noticing the obvious of what’s in front of you. Grant:I’m sorry to interrupt you, but when you’re talking that way, one thing women universally want is to really be seen, and this is again a continuum from the way you talk about how much attention women put on themselves before they go out at night versus how much we do. They put so much work into putting themselves together and they want to be seen, and this is a kind of way of being seen that’s really at the other end of the continuum, but it’s really a continuation of just that attention. Alicia: Exactly, it is. What women really want that they rarely ask for, it’s pretty safe to say they don’t ask for, is high quality very specific skilled sensual attention, and that is the craft of DO-ing, the art of DOing. That’s what that is.
"What women want that they rarely ask for…is high quality very specific skilled sensual attention."
Grant:I said “mmmm” right there because I think I really felt what that feels like to you. The other line that you said about Erwan was that “He was there to enjoy me.” There’s probably no bigger turn-on. So for guys who want to learn how to create longer orgasms and multiple orgasms, it really does begin with this attention, this enjoyment. Alicia:
Yes.
Grant:Now you teach this, you literally teach this in a workshop. For those of you who were on the call last week with Alicia and Erwan, who really went into more details about what happens at their workshops and their coaching, literally right there people learn how to do this kind of attentive stimulation. I want to ask you a question before we get to questions. I’m really curious about how people change, how relationships change, how you’ve seen men and their confidence change.
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We had a guy named Steve Piccus on a couple weeks ago, a brilliant mad man, love the guy, and he has this great line. He says, “Sexual competence leads to confidence.” So competence creates confidence, and I bet you have some stories and I’d like to hear them of what kind of changes you’ve seen in men first of all, how they’ve changed once they’ve started this kind of practice. Alicia: Oh yeah. I mean, Grant, it’s phenomenal. I feel really blessed to be able to witness what happens with men and with couples and with women when they go through this process. Now there’s a couple specific examples I’m going to give you that were absolutely mind-blowing. There was a man who we met when he came to one of our free weekly groups that we have called Being Talks. He came and I still remember when he came he had tried everything. He really wanted to engage with women. He had been in countless courses and read lots of books and became sort of an acquaintance of ours and came to our groups. Every time he’d come to our group he would end up offending women. It became sort of a joke. We would joke around with him about it because he was so open and so willing to admit that he would offend women somehow. He just didn’t really have it going on at that point. He was out of touch with what women wanted and he really wanted to learn how and was really open and made fun of himself and all the rest of that. So he eventually came and took The Pleasure Course. He got so much out of the whole course, but something really happened for him when he learned DOing, when he learned the actual technique of DO-ing, which was he learned how to turn off his brain…I mean he didn’t do anything to turn off his brain, but he learned to put his attention on a woman and feel her pleasure in his body. He had so much attention on her that he could feel in his body the sensations she was feeling in her body, and he learned how to completely let go of his agenda, his ego, his concerns, which were having him strike out a lot with women before that. He learned how to focus his attention on women. What he thought was, “Oh, wow. DO-ing is a practice. I can actually practice putting my attention on women. It’s a physical practice and technique that I can do that goes along with the concept of put your attention on a woman.” He got the concept, “Put your attention on a woman” and he began to do what we call sensuality research. We have a community of people who are into researching and into DO-ing with each other, sensuality research, and he began to do that with different women in our community, and he formed friendships with them and practiced DO-ing them. Page 186 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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He put himself in a structure to support him and putting attention on women. He started volunteering at our courses and doing all of that. And today he has one of the most incredible relationships I’ve ever seen, a deeply satisfying sensual committed relationship with a sexy wonderful woman. Grant:This was the guy who was offending people all the time. Alicia: Oh yeah. I mean he just wasn’t pleasant and he just didn’t know what was going on. It was all in a blind spot for him. Grant:Wow. Ok. And this comes from the practice of DO-ing. Fascinating. I really want to underline that this is not just a technical physical technique, but there’s a whole world of preparation, mental and spiritual preparation, and the whole world of effects that could grow out of it. Do you have another story for me? Alicia: Yes, I have a great story about a couple actually. This great couple took our course a few months ago. They’re great and they’re married and they love each other, but there was this thing that kept happening between them where she was consistently unsatisfied. Neither of them could really put their finger on what it was and he was trying to do things for her and try to make things better and talk to her about it. And she was just unsatisfied and often irritated and angry, and nothing was resolving it. He felt totally in the dark about it and it was a mystery. So they came to The Pleasure Course. During the course he learned, “Oh my gosh, my pleasure and enjoyment comes from her pleasure and what she really wants.” On her end she really learned how to ask for this, which is something that women don’t really ask for, as I mentioned before, for a lot of other reasons that I’m not going to get into right now. What she wanted was very specific undivided attention on her clitoris, having her clitoris touched in a way that felt good to her. Grant:That’s a reasonable request. Alicia: Yes. And when they got that, everything opened. They’ve been married for years and their sex life shot up to a whole new level and their overall happiness and their relationship skyrocketed. What he got in particular was that he doesn’t have to try to get his. He gets his by DO-ing her and they’re not two separate things.
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Grant:Great. I think I’m getting it. I want to see how this is impacting our callers, by the way. Would it be ok for you if we opened up the lines? Alicia:
Great, yes.
Grant:Alright, cool. So I believe it’s 5* for anyone who has questions. Remember it’s 5* and your hand will raise on my screen. Feel free to ask Alicia anything, by the way, not just the points we’ve covered tonight about approach, about putting attention on the woman from the first minute right up into the sensuality, through transcending failure, if you have any questions about that, or creating a sensually alive date, or DO-ing. Ask about any of those, or feel free to ask her anything that came up last week or really in any of the other weeks. Her experience is really vast and she has a lot to say. So 5* if you have a question. Let’s see who and where pops up on the screen. Caller: This Jimmy from Baton Rouge. How y’all doing tonight? I got on a little bit late so I hope this hasn’t been addressed, or I mean I hope it hasn’t been addressed for everyone else. It’s a question I had. I get most of my pleasure by giving pleasure, and you know a lot of people say “Well, the woman, she needs to know that she’s pleasuring the man” and so forth, and it’s her part and so forth. In some ways I feel guilty because I’m getting so much pleasure by giving pleasure and seeing her receive that pleasure. I know it’s important for a woman to know that she’s pleasuring her partner. That’s sort of one aspect of it. I kind of have this obsession, and it’s a positive obsession, with British women. I had some really great relationships and experiences, so it makes it hard for me to kind of have connections American women in certain ways. But again, just going back to the fact about am I wrong for wanting to be the one that feels that I’m receiving pleasure by giving pleasure? Alicia: Let’s see, would you repeat your question again? I want to make sure I get it. Caller: My pleasure comes by giving pleasure. Am I being selfish in that way as far as is it just as important that my partner knows that she is giving me pleasure, even though again my pleasure comes from giving her pleasure. Alicia: I think if you are receiving pleasure and it’s making you feel great, I don’t think there’s anything to feel guilty about. Page 188 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:Have you ever experienced a woman make you feel bad about giving her pleasure? Alicia: Would you ask your question again too, Grant? I’m not sure that I’m getting it exactly. Grant:It’s kind of a facetious question. I was saying have you ever felt badly…you said you’re carrying some guilt because you’re so focused on her pleasure and not getting pleasure. It sounds to me a little like it could be a cultural prejudice, that guys are supposed to get pleasure from women, when in fact you’re saying, and I think this is true, particularly as you pass from your 20’s into 30’s and 40’s, that there is…and maybe this is an age thing. Alicia, maybe you can say something about this, that there is such a great pleasure in just really settling into pleasing a woman. There’s something very patient and wonderful about that that I feel, now that I’m in my 40’s for example, that maybe I didn’t feel when I was 21. Do you find that happens? Is it an age thing on some level? Alicia: In my experience it can happen at any age. I mean it can really happen at any age. We work with people mostly in their late 20’s, then 30’s and 40’s and 50’s and even 60’s.
"There is such a great pleasure in just really settling into pleasing a woman. There’s something very patient and wonderful about that..."
Although possibly when you’re in your teen years or early 20’s there’s a lot of hormones running around and you have a different culture around you, but I’ve found in general at any age a man can completely settle in to… Grant:Let’s say if you’re lucky enough to be awakened to the concepts, to find the teachers. Alicia: Right. And I think guilt is pretty useless personally. I think you don’t have to waste your time on that and you can enjoy yourself and how great the experience is when pleasing a woman. Grant:Does that answer your question, Jimmy? Did you have another follow-up or anything else you wanted to ask? Caller: I don’t really feel guilty, but I’m just saying when I talk about it with other people a lot of times they’ll say, “Well, it’s important that your partner feels that she’s pleasing you,” but I’m saying I am getting pleasure but my pleasure Page 189 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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comes from giving her pleasure, more than receiving the pleasure from her, even though it’s pleasing to me all the way around. It might be kind of a difficult concept, I don’t know. But like you say, when you’re younger you are a little bit selfish. I mean you do want to receive the pleasure. Yes, you do care about giving pleasure, but not so much. You are in a little bit more of a selfish role. Grant:Let me ask that question in case someone might have it, someone listening to this tonight or another time. What do you say to a guy who says, “Boy, I’m putting all this attention in and I’m not feeling like I’m getting anything back.” Some guys might feel cheated if they’re putting all this attention in and they’re feeling like their woman is just being passive. What would you say to that person? Alicia: Well, first of all, what Erwan and I are saying is that it’s a total reorientation of perception. Generally people when they’re expecting and they’re doing everything else it’s like me getting mine, you getting yours, and they’re two separate things. That is something that a lot of people confront. Many men come with the concerns of “Well, great. If I am putting all of my attention on her pleasure, what about me?” What we have them do, and when you have that perception of “What about me?” it’s an illusory perception and it’s actually not really what’s happening. Because when you’re sexing with someone you are totally unified with them. What we assert is that the most pleasure and enjoyment and connection comes from really putting your attention on a woman’s pleasure. When a man really does that and lets go of that mind frame of “What about me?” and just surrenders that and lets go and really gives to the woman and gets that pleasure out of it at the same time, we find the man never feels any scarcity for pleasure or attention or enjoyment. Grant:That’s really well said. I’m sorry, did I cut you off? Alicia: Well, the last thing I was going to say, and the more you put your attention on a woman’s pleasure, the more she is naturally and automatically want to put her attention on you. It’s not a reason to do it, but it’s a natural outcome. Grant:It’s a bonus. Alicia:
Yeah, it’s a bonus. Page 190
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Grant:And I’m really glad you went through this, because by the way next week we’ll be talking to another one of my teachers, Satyen Raja, and we really talk about communion. When I listen to you and Erwan talk, I think everyone really gets the sense that it’s not so much about two different people giving or getting. You really do become one and you feel each other’s pleasure in a way that’s hard to express in words and really transcends the fact that there are actually two people involved. Of course, a lot of deep traditions, the tradition the kama sutra comes out of and spiritual sexuality is that you really do achieve union in a way that religion can only talk about. So through your bodies you can really achieve that kind of divinity, which is why people talk about divine bliss and why people call out “Oh god.” Alright Jimmy. Thank you so much. I want to try to get a couple more in. Again it’s 5*. We have time for a couple more questions. We have Zeke from Chico. Caller: Hi Grant. I want to thank you both for being on the call. I was down last week. I listened and I was probably sicker than you, but every time you’d go “Oh, that’s a great question” I’d go “Yeah!” because it was really exciting. I learned a lot on that call and I’m learning a lot here. I just basically wanted to get a little idea from Alicia to talk about when she said she first turned Erwan down and how that went. She said about how she felt and everything, but then did she really turn him down? What was going on in her mind and what was really going on? Alicia: Well, what was going on for me was I felt overwhelmed and I was scared and I had all sorts of feelings and “Oh my gosh, I’m not ready for this” and I just had my whole head trip come up in the face of it, which as you know happens when you’re in the presence of someone you’re really attracted to. [laughing] Grant:Can you say something about that? I’m sorry, before we go off that point, that’s a really interesting phenomenon. Can you give some more insight into that to help us poor men understand why women do that? Alicia: Yes. Everybody does this, by the way, but women have a particular sort of way. Gosh, this is a whole other ball of wax. I’m trying to think how I can tell…basically here’s the gist of it.
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What women want, which is what I said earlier, is very high-quality specific undivided attention on her pleasure and sensual pleasure. Now women also have a lot of resistance to that because of various things – the way we were all brought up in this culture, past experiences, blah blah blah. So the process of really truly being with a woman and giving her what she wants is a process of push-pull, feeling her. Sometimes she says “No, no, no,” and sometimes she says, “Yes, yes, yes” and what she really ultimately wants, whether it’s with you or someone else, is that type of attention. So you can get really really good at feeling a woman. You can know that she really wants that, and maybe she wants that right now. Maybe she’s not ready for that right now. Maybe she’s feeling yes but she’s saying no. In the case with Erwan, he could feel me all weekend being attracted to him and turned on, and then he made the offer and then I got confronted and overwhelmed with this rush of feelings and I said “No, no, no,” but he didn’t take that personally. Grant:That’s great. You kind of got what you wanted. It can be very intense when a man…and I want everyone to hear this…it can be really intense. Woman may not experience this very often, where a man really just stays present with her and pays attention to her. Alicia: Yes, and you have to be willing to go in the direction she’s going. You may be feeling her and she’s turned on and she feels good, but she might say no and you have to be willing to hear no and move away for a little while, and then move back when it feels better. You have to be willing to do that. What men really get messed up on, which is what I see all the time, is they feel a woman and she’s turned on and they started pulling her or grasping. It’s the art we were talking about before. It’s what we train people in, is really pushing away if she’s like “No, no, no” and then pulling in if she says “Yes, yes, yes” and be willing to do both. Grant:Now did you want to say anything else in response to these questions about what else was going on? Apparently there was a huge rush of feeling. It’s kind of what you wanted, and then you were like “Uh oh! I’m getting what I want!” Alicia: Yes. Oh, it’s what I wanted, and then I had “Oh no, but my last boyfriend didn’t work out, and oh gosh” – you know, I just had all this drama going on in my head. What really helped about what we did was he didn’t take any of it personally. Grant:He just rolled with the drama. Page 192 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Alicia: Yeah, I just got scared and pulled away a little bit. He could have taken it as a rejection and gotten mad or gotten offended or something and then we probably wouldn’t be here. Grant:Or said, “Oh, those crazy women,” right? But he just rode the wave with you. This is great stuff, absolutely. Just ride the wave and look what he got. Now you guys have been together for awhile. Alicia:
For years.
Grant:For years. So Zeke, thank you. That was a great question actually. I’m really glad you brought that up. I want to open it up. We’ve got a couple more callers here. Is that ok with you? You got a couple more minutes? Alicia:
Sure.
Grant:Ok, beautiful. We’ve got someone on the line. I can’t read the name. Caller:
Hey, it’s Ryan from Ohio.
Grant:Hey Ryan, welcome. Caller: Thank you very much. Alicia, thank you so much. It’s really good to hear your point of view on this. My question has to do with DO-ing. Obviously from a technique standpoint, when you first start out I understand it’s clitoral stimulation with your index finger, highly lubricated so you don’t get overly sensitized…doing it with somebody for the first time and you don’t know how they’re going to react once you’ve started it, is there a “starter technique?” Is it generally just a very slow minute movement of the finger? Alicia: Well, you don’t want to even start there on her clitoris. You want to start with your hands on her sides and really just talking to her and noticing her body and touching her thighs. Then as it feels good then moving in more towards her genitals. You want to do everything super super super slow, super aware, super slow. Caller: Yeah, I’m sorry, I guess I was talking after all that, moving very slowly. I’m assuming it’s a very slow and very light and long duration type of thing, and then obviously modulating it depending on how she’s responding. Alicia: Exactly, yes. And it doesn’t have to be for a long duration, or it can be, but we certainly train people to do for long duration and high intensity. I
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mean for people who graduate The Pleasure Course we do live demonstrations of one hour extended orgasms, so that’s definitely something we do. But for you I would say slow and light, exactly what you were saying. Caller: Ok. And then I guess this is just kind of another question. In the past, the intensity of the orgasm, is it from the very slow build up? I guess the point I’m kind of dancing around is clitoral orgasms versus internal vaginal orgasms…does this cause a different type of clitoral orgasm than normally because of the slowness and the build-up? Maybe I’m kind of caught in the physical sensation rather than the unity and feeling her. Alicia: No, you’re asking a specific question. All orgasm is based in the clitoris, and people have all sorts of different ideas about this, but we’ve been studying and researching this for years and years, and we’re trained by people who’ve been researching and studying this. All orgasm is based in the clitoris, and it’s possible to connect your clitoris with other parts of your body and experience orgasm anywhere in your body actually, but it’s all based in the clitoris. The intensity of the orgasm can definitely be heightened and expanded by DOing. That’s what it does, because you’re experimenting with different touches and frequency and level of intensity and everything. So you’re building it and building it and building it over time. Caller:
Ok, great. Thank you so much.
Grant:Thanks for that question. And that was a great answer once again. I love listening to you guys. Someone just AIM’d me a question to GrantAdamsLive on AIM. It’s a great question. “What does a one hour orgasm look like? Is she constantly moaning and groaning the whole time, or is it one huge continuous explosion…that would be interesting…or is it a wavy thing, like a slow up and down?” Alicia: Well, first of all it would definitely be more like a wavy thing, of all the choices you gave. It doesn’t look anything like pornography. It’s not pornography. It’s not dramatic in moaning and sound and hard fast movement. It’s very intense and very high and very sensational, and you really have to feel it to experience it because there can be points where everything will be totally and completely still and his finger will be moving like 1 mm every two seconds, that slow. Page 194 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Or he may be doing me faster at different times, but it’s varied and it’s a lot more still than pornography. Grant:Yeah, I got that impression last week, that there’s a stillness. The face is different. The whole energy is very different for the orgasm. Another question, just kind of a follow up just AIM’d me. “Is it necessary for a woman to learn how to have a 1-minute orgasm before she can get to an hour, or is it a different category all together?” Alicia: Basically what it is is a state of orgasm. It’s redefining orgasm from kind of an occurrence, a goal, a happening, to a state which can be sustained for a minute, for 10 minutes, and eventually for an hour. The only thing that would inhibit having an hour-long orgasm versus a minutelong would be lack of willingness to feel that much. The reason I can be in a state of orgasm for an hour is because I’m willing to consistently feel that much intensity for so long, which takes training and also is possible in an instant if you’re willing. Grant:Ok, very nice. We have one more question. Caller: This is Jimmy calling from south Florida. My question is, there’s actually a couple things but I’ll start off by saying I’ve had the opportunity to hear girls talking about guys and been blown away by this idea that when us guys get together and talk about it that it’s different. But it’s like I prefer not to hide my desire. I like to wear my sexuality on my sleeve, but when you meet somebody or when the relationship is new…I guess I’m asking for advice on what’s ok to say or what’s a good way to I guess calibrate where you go with that. Do you have any suggestions in that area? Alicia: You’re asking me how to communicate your desires and all the things that you feel…. Caller:
Yeah, should we just be direct or hint?
Alicia: Here’s how I’ll answer this, because there’s no standard of what to say when. There’s just not. It would be really easy if there was, but there’s just not. But the principle of this whole call, and which totally applies to your question, is you must first pay attention to her, her desires, and what she wants. Caller:
Would you ask her that? Page 195
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Alicia: You could ask her that. Yeah, you can definitely ask her that. You can ask her what she wants and what she likes. You can find out from your experience with her, and definitely you can ask her. Are you talking about particularly in a sexual situation? Caller: No, leading up to, where one or both people may be thinking about it but at a certain point it always winds up on the table, but it’s tricky how to just allow it to be comfortable, to just talk about it without…probably a lot of it has to do with if I was comfortable talking about it then it would probably be alright, but I don’t know what to be comfortable talking about or what not to be. Alicia: Yeah, yeah, I mean it’s good that you see that because a lot of what you feel is just that sort of cultural shame around sexuality and sensuality and desire and that sort of thing. You can just know that that’s what that is and it doesn’t really mean anything about you. But as far as your question, what I would say is again you don’t need to hide your desires or suppress your desires. But in a conversation with a woman, and again if you’re talking about specifically what you like, yeah, ask her. Say, “Hey, I’ve been into this. Are you into that?” and then ask her, “What do you like? What turns you on? What about your sex life would you like more of?” You can actually have conversations about that and you could bring up, “Oh, I’ve thought about this before,” and then notice her response. Does she turn on? Does she turn off? Does she not? It can actually be an open conversation. Erwan and I will often talk about our sex life and what we like and what we’d like more of and different ideas and that sort of thing. You just want to make sure to keep your attention on her and what’s feeling good to her. If she’s not enjoying a sex act, there is no sex act. Caller: And quickly, the last thing I wanted to ask you is I’ve been with several women who couldn’t have an orgasm until after I came, and there seemed to be a direct link with my level of excitement as to how into it she was based on how excited I got. Do you have any experience with that? Alicia: So you’re saying she couldn’t have an orgasm until you had had an orgasm? Caller: This is in several different women that were really excited by me actually coming, and then it would drive her to the place where…yeah. Alicia: Yeah, you know, it’s hard to say what was happening with each of those women because sometimes women really feel, because of the way they’re Page 196 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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culturally conditioned, to feel like the man should be pleasured first and that is the center of all the sex act, since she may not even really be enjoying it but that’s what she’s culturally conditioned to want. Maybe for some of the women it was true, it really was a turn-on. So there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, ever, and it’s hard to say exactly what was going on there. But I think for you, what to take away from this is training yourself, either actually taking a course or doing something to get trained, or actually just practicing putting your attention on women that you’re with and finding out what they like and using that as your barometer. Caller:
Ok, thank you.
Alicia:
You’re welcome.
Grant:Great. A couple points before we get to some final things about how to reach Alicia and Erwan. One is please check in on our group blog, which is www.GrantAdamsTraining.com. Check in about 15 minutes. I’m just writing up some notes when I hang up about what I got out of this. It’s great, again, for us all to share that with each other, and you can always check in. www.GrantAdamsTraining.com is really a place for everyone to share their own knowledge and ideas, ask questions about something, and also if you go to www.EroticMastery.com/members there’s a feedback link, which is really helpful to me so that I can continue to bring you teachers like Alicia and give you information and bring you the information you really want. So that’s www.EroticMaster.com/members. The password there is ‘connect.’ Again it’s really helpful for everyone, especially for me so that I can deliver you exactly what you guys want. Again the password there is ‘connect.’ For those of you who want to get in touch with Alicia and Erwan, we’ve already set up www.GrantLikes.com/alicia. You can always go to www.GrantLikes.com to find referrals and references to all the people that I’ve found who I think have something great to offer. Alicia, maybe you want to say some other words about how else they can reach you and what else you might offer. Alicia: Sure, Grant, thanks. There’s a variety of ways to get in touch with us and interact with us more and get more involved. If you live in the San Francisco area, or if you’re visiting the San Francisco area, we have free weekly lecture discussion groups that are called Being Talks. Page 197 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Those are on a variety of different topics and a lot of them are oriented toward man/woman dynamics, sensuality, enlightenment, and awakening. In order to find out when and where those are, or for any other information, you should call us at (415) 308-9580. To find out more about the courses we teach, The Pleasure Course, and coaching either with Erwan or with me you can call that phone number I just gave you, (415) 308-9580 or you can visit our website at www.PleasureCourse.com. Grant:Beautiful. Thanks, Alicia. I think we’re going to open the lines here now and you can hear from all across the country and parts of Canada. I love this part where we can hear from everybody. So everyone let’s thank Alicia so much for her time. Goodnight everyone!
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The Grant Adams Trainings
Erotic Mastery Teleseminar Transcript Session 6 Satyen Raja Mystical Union and Deep Pleasure
Limits of Liability & Disclaimer of Warranty This document is for entertainment purposes only. The author, publisher, and participatings are giving no specific instruction or medical, psychological, or behavioral advice. No one connected with this document is a doctor, attorney, or mental health professional. Before engaging in any activity that is risky to yourself or another person, please consult an appropriate professional for advice. The author and publisher of this ebook and the associated materials have used their best efforts in preparing this material. The author and publisher make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this material. They disclaim any warranties expressed or implied, merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable for any loss or other damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. This material contains elements protected under International and Federal Copywright laws and treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.
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Transcript Grant Adams (Grant): Welcome to our sixth and final official teleseminar in the Erotic Mastery series. Tonight’s guest is someone very special to me, someone who is one of my mentors, someone whose depth of knowledge, and not just knowledge but practical experience in so many different worlds…martial arts, personal growth, spiritual development, and certainly erotic mastery…you’ll learn about all that tonight. His name is Satyen Raja. If you go to www.GrantLikes.com/satyen, he runs an organization called Warrior Sage, which says a lot right there. He really covers both sides, the warrior side of himself and the wisdom side. He brings them together in a powerful way. I don’t want to speak too much for you, Satyen, but just give a little intro. He runs some of the most powerful in-person workshops I’ve ever been to. He brings men together. He brings men and women together, and puts them into a state of learning and accelerated growth through really impactful exercises. It’s not for the weak-minded. It’s for people who really want to make a change in their life. Am I summing that up well, Satyen? Did I do a good job there? Satyen Raja (Satyen): You’ve done a great job. The other thing I wanted to add is that we also have a damn good time while we’re at, because we’re doing some serious learning and learning how to become the best men we can be, how to become the most erotic men we can be. We also have to have a great time at it. What do you guys think? Grant:It’s really true. I mean I’ve been through his workshops. He’s a deep spiritual teacher who puts together a lot of traditions, but he also has these crazy sleepovers. He’s a fun guy and I’ve never had an experience of spiritual erotic growth and also had so much fun and laughter. So yes, fun is a big aspect of it. Satyen:
Thanks for that, Grant.
Grant:Yeah, well thank you. I mean I’ve met amazing people, amazing women through your organization and amazing men. I’ve also referred a bunch of guys to Satyen’s programs. Like I said, it’s one thing to talk to him. It’s another thing to attend his weekends. He does some great weekends called Sex, Passion, & Enlightenment, which changed my life. Page 200 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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He does other Illumination weekends, which maybe he’ll talk about at the end, and I’m going to hit him up at the end for the big discount that he gave another group of guys that I worked with. They’re really worth going to. It’s great stuff. So enough pumping you up, dude, alright? You’ll make your own case. So tonight’s experience, what we really want to talk about is erotic mastery and sensual mastery. We’ve made that division the last couple of weeks, but you can talk to all these things. What I want to start with is to really talk about what is it to be a man who’s in his body? Women are comfortable with yoga, they dance together, they hug together, they do all this stuff. We’re kind of separate from each other as guys. We don’t really inhabit our bodies. When I use that phrase, by the way, with women, when they ask me what I do, what’s erotic mastery, is it dirty? I say, “No. The first thing we do is we teach guys really how to inhabit their bodies and to be sensual erotic beings.” So I wonder what you have to say about what you do to help guys get that way. Satyen: Well, you know, as you said a lot of guys have a tendency to go up into their head, which means we tend to analyze and look at women and the goddesses from the perspective of what can I do to make her happy? What can I do to bring pleasure to her? What can I do to somehow get her more juicy? But it’s coming from a place of sort of analysis, stepping back, trying to figure out some type of step-by-step method and plan to make her happy. You can cultivate some basic skills in that area, but more importantly is you’re doing that from your head when you do that, from your mind, from your thoughts. Now women are so ultra-sensitive to when us guys are in our minds that if we try to do a technique on them, we try to do some type of manipulation on them, they can feel it before we even start to feel it, before we even know we’re doing it. It turns them off. It turns down their erotic energy. It shuts them off. So for us as guys it’s really important to learn to get into our body. Now what does that mean? Well, women are really in tune with their bodies. They’re the flow of life. They can give birth, they can dance, they can move, their emotions can be all over the place, because they inhabit their body, their essence, their souls, more than we do as guys.
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For us as guys it’s so important to learn how to bring our soul, our essence, our depth, and have it anchored in our body. I mean could you imagine a flag post and a flag, but the flag post is not dug into the ground. It’s going to go all over the place. Can you imagine a boat and you throw out the anchor and you’re out in the wavy ocean, the boat’s going to go all over the place unless there’s a deep anchor that’s rooted right to the earth. So our body is the conduit between us and being an erotic master in a relationship to a woman. So we have to learn that eroticism is conducted through our cells. The way to do that is learning how to breathe. The way to do that is learning how to feel into your woman partner. The way to do that is learn to get grounded into your legs, into your torso, and the first step in that is learning what it means to be on purpose with your deepest energy. We can talk about that as we go along.
"For us as guys it’s so important to learn how to bring our soul, our essence, our depth, and have it anchored in our body."
Grant:Actually let’s break it down, because you just gave us a lot of stuff. So the first step was to breathe. So first of all I want to make a distinction, that getting into our bodies as men is obviously not the same thing as a woman getting into her body. You made the analogy of a flag. Women are wavy and flowing and that’s as they should be, and men are more like the flag post that women can now wave around. Satyen:
Exactly.
Grant:On internet dating there will be yoga girls saying, “Look, I’m really into yoga and dance.” I just read one yesterday. It said, “That doesn’t mean I want one of you flow-y yoga guys.” So they appreciate that, but they really don’t want that in a man. Satyen: Well, sometimes us guys think that if we become wavy and flow-y and dance and are open that way, that that’s what women want. Women want the polarity. They want the opposite side. They want the other side of the coin. They want the other side of the teeter-totter, and that’s the sense of sureness, the sense of groundedness, the sense of being a post in the earth that cannot be collapsed or shaken or moved around. Now in my training I teach men how to do this through their body, and I’m going to do my best to try to convey it. So if every guy is listening here, why don’t we Page 202 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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go through a simple practice of doing this even a little bit more so they get an idea of what I’m talking about. Grant:Cool. Satyen: First of all, it’s important as a man to know that there’s two main aspects to you that really turn a woman on. One of them is your ability to stay heart-connected to her. What that means is you’re able to breathe through your heart, feel her heart through your heart, but even prior to that and more important to that she needs to feel that you’ve got a backbone. She needs to feel that you are feeling your own body. So as a man right now, whatever position you’re in, if you’re laying down, sit up straight. I don’t want you to have a sense that you’re becoming like military or stiff or anything. I want you to imagine that your spine is like a penis. It’s not too hard. You’re not too soft. You’re in between. You know that place of arousal where it’s like you’re not so aroused that you feel like coming, and you’re not so relaxed and non-aroused that it’s sort of limp. You’re in that in-between space. Imagine your spine being in that in-between space and that your head, your actual physical head, is the head of your penis, and that your butt I want you to imagine is the base of your penis. So imagine that your whole spine is being filled with blood and being filled with erotic energy, is being filled with this sureness of purpose, and you’re standing strong, you’re sitting strong, you’re sitting proud. I want you to say to yourself, “I am who I am.” If you’re not going to say this verbally, feel it. “I am who I am, and I’m awesome as I am.” Now allow your whole spine to vibrate and to magnify that feeling that “Hey, you know what, it’s good to be a man. I’m sure of who I am. I’m clear and I’m a master.” What does it mean to be a master? Master means one who knows who they are and what they’re going to be doing in life. When we have that center, that anchor, that flag post, then guess what happens. Women automatically just feel that. You don’t even have to say a word. It doesn’t matter what you do. Just feeling this anchor all the way down to the earth emanates this energy and there’s nothing more sensual for a woman than to feel that, “Man, I can relax in the anchor of this man’s spine.”
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So you got the first step, gentlemen? Anchor your spine. Feel it like a full rich alive penis. Feel it like it’s full of life force, and let the base of your spine, meaning your tail bone, your sacrum, let that drop down into the earth. I want you to imagine that it’s going all the way down to the center of the earth. Martial artists have known this for hundreds and hundreds of years. When you do martial arts you anchor yourself. Now once you’ve got that anchored feeling, the next step is learning how to breathe deeply down the front of your body. So what I’m actually teaching here is the subtleties to what I call sexual yoga or erotic yoga. So breathing down the front of the body means feel all around you is a beautiful woman, juicy woman, gorgeous woman, delightful woman, sensual, sexual. Imagine them all around you. I want you to imagine that you’re not just looking at them with your eyes. You’re actually facing them as an energy cloud, as a field of energy, like a storm or like the weather or like these beautiful clouds of moving energy that we want, we want to devour, we want to deliciously take within us, that we deliciously want to enter and penetrate, not only with just our penises but with our whole essence. So just imagine if you will that there’s this gorgeous goddess or whatever you’re visualizing in front of you. Then start to breathe deeply through your nose, and as you’re breathing deeply through your nose I want you to feel like that breath is channeling down the front of your body, filling up your breath, filling up your lungs, and so deep that you actually feel like you’re testicles are being pressed into. You’re actually breathing in the juiciness of this gorgeous woman, this sensual being, deep down your nostrils, down your throat, down your heart, down your solar plexus, down deep in your belly, and most importantly down deep in your genitals, and then just hold it there. Then when you let go you just let go. I want you guys to practice this as you’re listening to this call, so you’re slowing down your breath. With every breath you’re feeling your spine, which is a fully awake, erotic, alive, purposeful penis. You’re breathing in the beautiful goddess in front of you all the way down to the core of your genitals. You should feel a bit of a pressure in your genital area or at the base of your body. Keep doing this slowly and slowly. The more you do this, what will happen is women will start to feel…if you just do this, I’m telling you guys, for about five minutes a day casually, you can do this while you’re driving a car, you can do this while you’re waking up in the morning, first thing in the morning, you can do this at any time that you feel you’ve Page 204 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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forgotten the depth of who you are and you need sort of a boost…you anchor your spine, you breathe down deep in your balls. When I say balls, you breathe deep in your balls. If it makes you giggle, so be it. Giggle, but have fun with it. You breathe down deep in your balls. You do that for anywhere for three to five minutes, and what will start to happen is you’re going to have this force building in you. In Chinese medicine and in kung fu we call it chi, chi meaning your masculine life force that’s directing through your body. Women will intuitively feel this and they’re going to get really turned on. So those are the first two steps I want guys to practice. Grant:Ok, that’s great. I was going to ask, by the way, when you teach this practice…and I’ve been there, I’ve seen you teach it…do you find that men resist doing this or they have some mental blocks about it? Like you said, women get it right away and they can feel it on you. What are some common resistance points that guys do? Satyen: One point of common resistance is a lot of guys don’t even know we’re in our heads, because we live in our heads. We live in this analytical world where we’re trying to dissect our jobs, our duties, our circumstances, all our obligations. We’re trying to attack them or deal with them through our mind. Then after just a few minutes, or even a day or three days of practice like we do at my intensive, you don’t even know you’re not in it until you recognize, “Oh my god, I’m in my body now. Where the heck was I living from before?” And that is something that women can feel immediately. All I can say is that it’s something that is felt. It’s all of a sudden it’s like knowing that you were all over the place and the next moment you know you’re grounded. It’s a martial arts tool, but it’s also lovemaking tool. Grant:How is it a lovemaking tool, as long as we’re on there? Satyen: The way it’s a lovemaking tool is that a woman needs to feel that she can surrender to something, meaning let go. She doesn’t want to hold up the flag pole. She doesn’t want to be the flag pole. Her deepest essence wants to be the flow that’s around the flag pole.
"When she has this strong polarity in you as a man, there’s a part of her that just relaxes …and becomes more wild.”
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then there’s a part of her that just relaxes. When she relaxes, guess what happens, she becomes more wild. When she becomes more wild, there’s a part of her which becomes even more juicy. When she becomes more juicy she gets turned on erotically totally just by feeling this anchoredness that you’re grounded, you’re not going anywhere, you can’t be collapsed. Not only does that whet her sexually, that whets her soul. She wants to give you more of her, so it’s like this amazing beginning step. In the body is the first step. When you get the body down, then all the sexual techniques you’ve learned, all the mental techniques you’ve learned, all the ways of approaching and communicating and speaking to her are going to be amplified 1,000-fold. So this is the key. You got it? Grant:Yeah, absolutely. And I want to get into the point you’re raising, which is about how to claim a woman so that she does surrender into you. But before we do that there are two other elements you mentioned, and I want to make sure we hit them all. One was you talked about breath. You talked about the spine. You talked about your legs, being grounded in your legs. And you also talked about this really important phrase, you can’t be collapsed. So would you say a few words about what you have to say about legs and this idea of not being collapsed, because I have a few things to say about that. Satyen: Certainly. You know sometimes when a woman is in a bad mood or she feels that your heart is not fully connected…women don’t necessarily speak straight. What they say is not necessarily what they mean. What they’re feeling moment to moment is what they mean. 9 out of 10 times when you feel a woman is all over the place, she’s neurotic, she’s acting out in strange ways, she’s confusing, she’s saying one thing but meaning something else, that is a sign. It’s a symptom. It doesn’t mean she’s nuts. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with her. All it means is it’s a symptom and a good man can pick up the symptom. The symptom is that she’s feeling the lack of flow of love from you to her. She’s feeling the lack of flow of your presence to her. The way she tries to get around or get more presence from you or to get more depth from you is by sometimes getting crazy, getting angry, being aloof, distant, confusing, emotionally all over the place.
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But the moment you ground your being and become uncollapsible, she can rest. She can go “Ahhhhh.” Now here’s what I mean by being uncollapsible. It means there’s a part in you…and I want every guy to feel this…there’s a part in you…now this may sound a bit esoteric, but this is very practical. This is what one my kung fu masters taught me for many years and I learned this in martial arts, because in martial arts you’ve got to stay calm. You’ve got to stay cool while some guy’s trying to kill you. In business you’ve got to try to stay cool while some major deals are going on. A rally car racer’s got to stay very cool in the midst of going 150 mph, you know. Where do you go to find this coolness, this depth, this place which is uncollapsible? Well, guess what. Every man, and every man who’s listening to this, you have it already in you, brother. You already have it deep in your core and we’re going to guide you to it. I want you to feel this place you go to when you go into deep sleep. There’s a place that we all sort of relax and fall into when we go into deep dreamless sleep. It’s this sense of vast emptiness. It’s this sense of vast peace. It’s a place where no fire can burn, no lances can spear you, no taunts can break you down, no tensions can get at you. It’s the same place, if you imagine, there’s an aspect of you that’s here right now that was here before you were born, that is here in this moment now, that will remain when your body dies. Once again, I’m going to say it again and I want every guy listening to try to feel into this place. If that means you close your eyes…of course, not if you’re driving, but if you’re sitting down with your spine open, your breath fully deep…I want you to feel into this place in you that was here before you were born, that’s here now, that will be here after you die. It’s this place beyond death and it’s this place that is absolutely untouchable by any of the stresses that can ever happen to you physically, mentally, relationship-wise, financially…they can’t touch it. It’s the place of the [sounds like showry 20:31] master. It’s the place of the enlightened person, the enlightened warrior, if you want to call it, the sage in you, the place of deep wisdom and stillness. I want you to breathe in a way that magnifies that depth of silence that is your being. Let it emanate. I want you to allow it to magnify through your cells, through your posture. If that means you’ve got to get up and adjust your posture so that it’s congruent with this depth of place which cannot be touched. Page 207 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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What if someone were to taunt you from this, or insult you? If anyone were to insult you from this place you wouldn’t collapse. In fact, you wouldn’t even engage them. You would only see it as a humorous thing that they’re doing because you wouldn’t take it personally. If some intense thing were to happen to you, whatever it is, your woman’s screaming at you, you need to open into this place. You were here before you were born, that is here now, that will remain after you die, this emptiness. That’s the place in you that is absolutely uncollapsible. When your woman can feel that pouring through your gaze, this uncollapsible gaze, where it’s like, “Hey, honey, I don’t care what’s going on. You can act like a bitch, you can act like a lover, you can be a goddess, you can be my worst enemy. I’m centered. I’m who I am and I’m going to give you all my love. I’m going to give you all my presence, and I’m not going to run away. I’m here. I’m strong, I’m dedicated, and I’m feeling you.” That’s that uncollapsible place. If you imagine these Indiana Jones movies or James Bond movies, what women find really sexy about those characters is that in the midst of danger, where some laser’s about to burn James Bond in two while he’s tied down to some table, in the midst of this incredible danger where he’s about to die, he cracks a joke. It’s not a superficial joke. It’s a place from this depth of, “You know what, I’ve lived a good life, whatever it has been. If I die now, so be it.” But it’s from this place of humor where even if you die you’re going to die with a smile on your face. You’re going to die with a smile. You’re going to be laughing and smiling at death itself. Death is going to have to have a second chance looking at you, going “Maybe I should pass this guy over this time.” You know, when your woman is acting up in ways that piss you off or trigger you, that’s the part we need to go to. When we do that, it’s highly erotic for her. It’s highly erotic. She feels that “No matter what energy I give this guy,” because women are all about energy, “No matter what energy I can give this guy, I can’t shake his nerves. I can’t get him to be reactive. I can’t piss him off.” “He goes deeper and deeper. His eye contact is deeper. His touch is even more gentle. His spine is standing strong. He’s breathing deeper.” She’s not thinking all these things, but she can feel it, so that’s what I mean by being uncollapsible, getting in touch with this eternal non-namable part. You can’t name it, but you know it’s there and every man has it. All we have to do is learn to cultivate it, make it part of our being stronger and stronger, and I can teach men in a weekend how to do that so they live with it for the rest of their lives.
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Grant:This is great because a lot of guys, a lot of people, think “Oh, if I’m going to become an erotic master then I have to learn techniques and I have to learn what to say,” and yeah, you do have to learn these things. And the focus is really on what me, as my personality, has to offer. What I love about your teaching is it goes a level deeper, which is “I need to be me, the part that’s not my personality at all. It’s beneath my personality. It’s something eternal and masculine, something that’s part of the earth, something that’s way stronger than anything that I am as a human being, as an individual, as Grant or Satyen or a guy who lives in whatever town is.” And women feel that. Satyen: They are so sensitive to that. Imagine a pyramid. When I consider the pyramid, what makes the pyramid last the test of time? It’s the base. The foundation is wide, it’s strong, it’s solid. And everything else is built upon that. In my practice and my experience and the training I’ve given men, I’ve given men who’ve been taunted as being wimps or they have low self-esteem and they think they can’t get women for whatever thousands of reasons…every "When we put all man has their own reasons where they don’t feel our techniques…on empowered. Well, within three days…when men first of all get in touch with this depth of the pyramid, the base…and what I mean by the base is that place that’s there before you were born, it’s here now, it’s here when we pass away. When we put all of our techniques and the other amazing things…I know you’ve got other incredible teachers who are teaching incredible stuff…when you put that on top of this base, then guess what.
top of this base…then everything you’ve ever learned is going to be super charged.”
Then everything you’ve ever learned is going to be super-charged, it’s going to be taken to the next level, because that’s the thing. At the end of the day that’s going to remain whether you’re 20, whether you’re 40, whether you’re 60, whether you’re 80. If you want to be an erotic master at 99 or 80 years old and have women drop literally…not only to give sexual pleasure but sexual devotional pleasure, to feel a woman not only get you off and crank you off, but to feel a woman give you sexual devotional pleasure is what our deepest heart wants. That’s what happens when you drop into the body and you take this stuff and you practice it. Page 209 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:Thank you. That is a great distinction. We talked about that a little before. Now let’s take it to the next step, which is how do you then…and I love this term, you use it a lot…how do you claim a woman from that place? Now obviously everyone’s cultivating it and I hope everyone takes the practice. We cultivate that practice. How do you then claim a woman, and how is that different from attracting a woman or picking up a woman or trying to impress a woman? Satyen: Once you have a woman that you feel, “You know what, this is an awesome woman, a woman I enjoy. I find her attractive. I’d like to go deeper.” So this is not just from the first meeting. Once you start to get a sense and a direction, “Hey, I want to go deeper, I want to have even more profound sexual pleasure, I want to have even more devotional pleasure, I want to take it in in a way that’s going to blow not only my wad but it’s going to blow my soul open,” then you’re ready to claim. What I mean by claim is this. Within the heart of every feminine being, she needs to feel, after a certain point of dating, that she’s not just one out there, one of the many or just another number. In her heart, what really turns her on deeply, profoundly, to the point where she’s willing to show you the secrets of her sexual nature in ways that are undreamt of, she needs to feel that you have taken her deeply into yourself. She needs to feel that you have claimed her, meaning that imagine your hand is an outstretching part, or imagine your whole arm is growing out of your heart, alright guys? Try to feel like your whole arm is growing out of your heart and it’s growing and it’s coming out in front of you. She needs to feel that your hand is not loose and flowing in the wind. What really turns her on is to feel that you’ve taken your very hand, your palm, your fingers, and you’ve entered her body and that you’re claiming her heart as yours, and you’re bringing her heart into your body. It’s a very strong visual, but you need to feel like “You’re mine. I’m taking you all the way.” Now I talk about this in three stages. In the first stage of claim, it’s just a superficial macho jerk type thing, “Hey, you’re mine. I want my way with you, bitch.” That’s not what I’m talking about, guys, because that’s temporary. That’s not going to go anywhere, and you’re going to look like a fool at the end of the day, ok? The second stage where men go into is they’re afraid of using that claiming energy for the reasons that I gave about the first stage. They don’t want to look foolish, they don’t want to be rejected, and at the same time they don’t want to Page 210 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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feel like they’re harming a woman, which is a very good thing to do, not to harm any woman. The third stage is recognizing, “Hey, listen, I’m a man. I’m not only here just to have fun and pleasure in life, which is awesome, but I’m here to go places in my life that are deeper than I may even realize. I’m here to have a fulfilling life, not just for a few short nights or here and there, but for the rest of my life. I’m here to make a contribution. I’m here to really change the course of my life so that it’s more aligned with my deepest purpose.” From that place of deep purpose, even if you don’t know what it is right now. Every guy out there, if you’re really honest, you know that you’ve got something big to do in this world. You know it. I don’t care where you feel that or where you’re at with your job or your circumstance. I’m telling you, because I’ve seen it from every single man I’ve ever met, that they have, and you have individually right now, a purpose bigger than you could even imagine, a purpose that when you connect to it brings you life force, makes you feel like there’s something to do in life, makes you feel like waking up. From that place of purpose, who you are, what you’re here, when you claim a woman outreaching your arms, taking her deep into your heart and pull her heart into yours, you let her know that “You’re mine. I’m taking you wherever I go. I don’t even know where that is, but I’m taking you with me.” When you have that force of claim, or it also may be called the force of love in its most intense and profound way, what happens is a woman goes “Ahhh.” Another part of her fears drop off. Many of her shells of trying to protect herself start falling off. She starts to feel that she can trust you, not just the superficial part, but she can trust you. Grant:I’m sorry to interrupt. No, why don’t you finish this thought. I want to add something there. Satyen: So when she’s able to trust the claim of your heart, she will give you more sexual devotion and pleasure than one can ever imagine, but she needs to feel that claim, and that claim you can generate by knowing who you are and offering it to her. Grant:Ok. The question that has come up in the past, in some of the past calls we had a couple, Erwan and Alicia, and guys were saying they get this kind of thing but here he’s got a woman who understands this, and when he does claim her, because she’s educated and she’s done some inner work along these lines, she gets it.
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A couple guys asked me, “Well, what happens if I do this with a woman who has no consciousness of what I’m doing or of herself as the feminine. Her reaction might be very weird.” She may not be used to that. She might be in what you and I know is the second stage, which is everything kind of negotiated and everything’s talked out and there’s no real strong polarized masculine and feminine. So my thought obviously is that you sometimes have to educate or bring a woman into that, but what do you say to the guy who says, “Well, I do want to claim a woman with that kind of force from my heart, not physical force, but what if she’s not capable of accepting that?” Satyen: Artistry is learning how much force to offer in the unique circumstance. The key is this. If you try to claim a woman, what’s going to happen? Do you think she’s just going to go, “Yes, that’s fine. I’m yours. No problem.” Are you kidding? Every woman is a goddess, and guess what one of their skills is…it’s to test our resolve. It’s to test our claim. So if you give up on the first one, guess what…you’ve collapsed. If you give up on the second time, you’ve collapsed. A woman wants to feel that through rejecting your claim that you don’t collapse and that you come back with guess what…deeper humor, deeper spontaneity, and unshakable purpose and fearless loving, which is to her uncollapsible. So if she pushes you away in her heart, or she doesn’t accept your claim, you keep claiming her. If you really want to claim her deepest core, there’s nothing going to stop you, nothing.
"If you want her too bad to the point where you…come from neediness, it’s going to turn her off, it’s going to make her vomit on the inside."
You have to feel in the midst…and here’s the key, the other key, another secret, a big secret…if you want her too bad to the point where you’re going to sell yourself out and she can feel that in any way, you come from any neediness, it’s going to turn her off, it’s going to make her vomit on the inside. She’s going to go, “Why would I want to be claimed? Forget it.” But if she feels that part of you that’s like, “I want you, but I don’t need you. I claim you, and if you don’t receive me I’ll claim someone else when it’s time.” Grant:That’s great. The claim is a kind of offering more than a need.
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Satyen: Exactly. It cannot come from the part of you that feels that you’re not whole or you’re not getting enough or you need something. It’s got to come from that place in you that’s already full, full of freedom, full of depth, full of spine, full of heart, that goes, “Ok, I want you. You’re mine.” But if it comes from, “I want you to make myself feel whole,” she’s going to puke. And every man has that part that sometimes we get needy, like a little boy. We have to learn to go deeper than that to that place that’s beyond death. We’ve got to go to that place which is beyond claim. When she really feels that part, and it may take days, it may take weeks, it may take some period of time, but if she sees the consistency…and here’s the other key, another secret…she needs to feel the consistency of your claim, not that it’s going up and down, up one day and down the other, up one week and then down the other. She needs to feel that your claim is total and perpetual. When she feels that, then she’ll be open up this magic box of pleasure that’ll blow your doors. Grant:Yeah, it’s that ability to trust you. That consistency is really important. I’ve learned in my own life to offer the kind of bodily surrender that takes you into the sort of deep communion that I want to discuss with you now. So now you’ve claimed a woman. Through her testing she’s begun to trust you and offers herself to you. We talked last week and the week before with Erwan and Alicia about what they call high-level orgasm, which doesn’t look like convulsions so much as a state that one can be in for an hour or longer. If I’m not getting too personal, Satyen is married. He’s been married a long time. His wife is a goddess on every level. I don’t know how much you talk about your personal life, but what we do want to talk about is what direction can you give on establishing this state of sustained orgasm. Again, it’s not the kind of convulsive orgasm that everyone knows about, and when you really talk to sex therapists, which I’ve been doing, they talk about how guys learn about sexuality by quickly masturbating as a kid and getting in and out and getting it over with and moving on. I’d like you to talk about what guys can do to bring a woman into that long state of sustained orgasm and maintain that themselves, which is always a big question for guys. Satyen: Excellent. That’s a great question and I’m going to divide it up into certain aspects. First of all, the same place that I talked about, our nervous system has been trained unconsciously as teenagers. So we get stimulation from looking at girlie Page 213 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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magazines or looking at woman, so we get eroticized. Then we fantasize, and then we ejaculate and it starts all over again very quick. A lot of guys as youngsters start ejaculating in their bathroom or somewhere private and we have to do it fast so we weren’t caught. We have so much of this sexual life force moving through us. So we trained our nervous systems to come very quickly through fantasy, stimulation, ejaculation, fantasy, stimulation, ejaculation, fantasy, stimulation, ejaculation. The first thing I want guys to do is to learn to break that cycle. Break the cycle of fantasy, stimulation, and ejaculation. You’ve got to learn how to slow it down. So let’s use a scale, guys, from 1 to 10. That scale represents the level of turned-on energy you have, whether you’re by yourself or whether it’s with a woman. Let’s say 1 is nothing and when you get to 10 it’s uncontrollable orgasm. You can’t do anything else, you can’t pull yourself back, you’re going to come and you’re going to ejaculate. Now here’s the key. When you’re masturbating as a practice or when you’re making love with your woman, you never let yourself be taken beyond a level 6 by anything outside of you. This takes an incredible amount of discipline. In your own mind, what would it be to be at 5? In between totally limp and absolute level of orgasm would be 5, the middle point. 6 is beyond that where you’ve got erotic energy pouring through you, you’re horny, but you’re in control. No matter what she does to try to turn you on, you’re not going to be coming.
"When you’re making love with your woman, you never let yourself be taken beyond a level 6 by anything outside of you."
It’s important to maintain a level 6 and not go beyond that for a period of time in your lovemaking. I’m telling you directly from my own experience. So my woman’s hot. I just happen to be a very blessed man. I’ve got a gorgeous woman who’s hot. She gets hotter and hotter the more I do this work, so people say to me, “Your woman’s hot. How did you get her?” I go, “Well, it’s the work I’m doing, you know what I mean?” So vice versa. Her friends say, “How did you find a guy like Satyen?” and she says, “Well, he does this work and simple basics have got us there.”
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So the basics are this, never let your woman take you to a 6 or beyond by her choice, which means don’t fall into her feminine wiles. You get to a level of erotic energy where you’re getting stronger and stronger, you’re getting more and more turned on. Now you know when you’re past 5 you’ve got to become very aware. What’s the word? Aware. You’ve got to be aware, because most of our energy goes elsewhere. It goes into our genitals and goes into our fantasy. Pull your mind out of your fantasy. Pull your mind out of your genitals, and come to the place where you’re aware of your own level of arousal. You let her bring you to a 6, and if you’re going to 7, 8, 9, 10, that is your choice. I want every guy to say, “Anything beyond 6 is my choice.” Grant:I’ll say it for them because they’re muted. Anything beyond 6 is our choice. So once you get to point 6 you’ve got to start taking a little control. And do women find challenge in bringing you over the edge? Satyen:
[laughing] If I go beyond 6 it’s totally in my own hands.
Grant:Got it. Can you find another phrase for that, by the way? Satyen: Yeah. [laughing] Let’s put it this way, I come when I want to come, and there’s nothing outside of myself that can make me come or get me so hot…let’s put it this way, I never allow myself to get totally lost in the feminine or get lost in sexual pleasure. I always keep this porch light of awareness of where I’m at. I’ve been explaining this for bigger reasons. You know you were going to ask me about how do you maintain erotic energy long term? I’m giving you the secret to that right now. Once you get to a 6 or above, then you tell, you dictate how deeper you’ll go. There’s times you’ll want to come, so go ahead and come. But if you can maintain for 40 minutes…listen to this, guys…40 minutes at level 6-8 by your own standard, whatever that is in your own mind, you don’t have to tell her you’re doing this, ok? If you can maintain level 7-8 for 40 minutes, what starts to happen is your whole electrical nervous system starts to open up within your body. A whole energetic pathway starts to happen and automatically you will start to get wisdom, automatically you’ll start to become a master of your own body rather than letting women or just pleasure outside of yourself dictate where you go. So what starts to happen after 40 minutes of sexual play and you’re maintaining yourself at a 7 or 8, which means there’s more variety. When you get too hot you Page 215 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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slow down. If she’s really wild and bucking and you’re getting more and more turned on beyond a 7, you control it. You can change your position. You look her in the eyes. You’re breathing, you slow down, you get up, use humor and say a joke, you take her off you, you use other forms of stimulation to stimulate her sexually through oral or manual stimulation, but you don’t allow yourself to go beyond 7 or 8. When you do that for a period of 40 minutes or more, your whole nervous system starts to get reintegrated. You take back that power that you lost as a teenager. Your sexual power comes back to you, because as a teenager we lost it to advertisements, girlie magazines, pornography, and everything. We were slaves to that type of stimulation. Now we become our own masters. When we start to feel that mastery, it’s like she didn’t make me come. I wasn’t a slave to just coming. And when you’re able to do that for say a month or two months, where we don’t come…it sounds like a long time…or you just come less frequently…maybe out of 4 times you make love, 3 times you don’t and 1 time you do…you start to feel good about yourself. You start to feel like a man. You start to feel like, “You know what, I’m not just a slave to my woman, nor am I a slave just to my own erotic impulses. I’m the master of it. I can control it. I can direct it.” Man, that is such a turn-on for women. It’s unbelievable. She may drive you crazy. Now here’s the thing. She may try to collapse you and go “Oh please, just come. Please. I want you to come. It’ll make me feel so good and you’ll feel so good.” Once in awhile that’s great, but during this period where you’re learning to reclaim your own mastery of your sex, don’t let her draw you in. If you want to to go 8, 9, or 10 you make it happen, but it’s not because it’s by habit. It’s only by choice. That’s a very important secret, alright? Grant:I love that you brought mastery back to self-mastery. There’s two things I want to say. First of all, it’s no surprise that self-mastery comes from a kung fu master. We’ve been talking about erotic mastery as a practice involving others, and now we’re back to really mastery of the self, and of course the respect and intrigue that really does bring to women. The second thing I wanted to raise that you just brought up, you said your body learns wisdom, and I wanted you to just say exactly what you meant by that. Is it on an electrical level, is it on a system cellular level…what do you mean by your body gains the wisdom? Page 216 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Is it something that your body can now…well, I know the answer to this. It is something that your body, having once done and if you start to do habitually, it becomes no effort. It’s just an enjoyment. Satyen: That’s right, it becomes an enjoyment. And then you know what, you can make love with your woman all day long. If you’re not coming all the time, and you’re able to maintain this level of 7 or 8 without going over the board and tipping over to the come level of 9 or 10, that carries on over after your lovemaking. The polarity remains. There’s a joke one of my friends says. Once you come, your lover becomes your boyfriend or buddy. Once you’ve come, that strong sexual impulse and urge, that desire to mate with her, to be in union with her, to devour her, to ravage her goes away for a short period of time. You become more of a neutralized floating around type of jelly bean for a little bit. Grant:Not always such a short period of time. Satyen: For some guys it’s short. Sometimes it comes back really quick, sometimes it’s days. Grant:On a psychic level, yeah. Satyen: On a psychic level, on a subtle level. What it means when you can bring that self-mastery to you and you’re able to master your sexual energy and not let yourself become a slave of your mind or fantasy, what happens is you have this resource of wisdom that’s already in your nervous system. Your brain, your central nervous system, knows how to recalibrate and repattern your sexual drive, so rather than becoming flight or fright it becomes a form of enjoyment which you can take beyond the bedroom. I’m giving a practical example. You know, when I called my wife, I haven’t had ejaculation with her in a while, and at the same time when I’m making love with her I don’t take it to the point always of bringing her to orgasm, or me. So we have this erotic energy that’s going on all day long. I’m thinking of her, she’s thinking of me. She’s feeling me all day long. “God, I want my man, I want more of him.” Day to day, I’ll call her and I’ll say, “How you doing?” and just from my voice she feels “Oh man, I wish you were here.” This is the type of thing she says. “I wish you were here.” And if you can play that polarity, play to that sexual electricity, then rather than coming your whole life becomes sensual. You feel this force of sex in you as a
"Women can trust a man more who’s mastered his own sexual energy than a man who hasn’t."
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man, and other people will feel it. Employers will feel it, bosses will feel it, colleagues at work will feel it. They’ll feel, “Man, this guy’s got more energy. He’s more awake, he’s more alive, he’s more with it, I trust him more.” You can trust a man more, women and men, can trust a man more who’s mastered his own sexual energy than from a man who hasn’t. It’s something that you can tell directly. It’s a subtle thing, you know. Grant:It’s very subtle, and we’ve never talked about this but one of the origins of circumcision apparently was that this is your sexual organ and this is the thing that will take you over all the time. It’s kind of a symbolic taking away of that power of your penis, of your sexuality, because you really can’t attain high levels…I’m not defending or explaining, this is just some knowledge I know from spiritual traditions, that a man who can overcome his sexual impulses is truly master of his own life. One of the things I love about what you’re saying is that again something we’ve learned throughout this series, is that sexuality is really just a continuum of the rest of your life. When I hear you talk about mastery of your own sexual impulse and being able to just live with pleasure at 6, 7, or 8…I mean I’m constantly hearing a parallel to how a man can and probably should live his life in general, as a master of his impulses, not being swayed, and being in control and not letting other people control his life, not letting your sexuality control what happens to you. Satyen: Exactly. And I’d like to share one last sort of very profound thing. I’ve been with different masters. I’ve read different books on sexual mastery and tantric energy and you name it. I’m going to give every guy here a very profound secret, really the secret to sexual mastery, and really the secret to learning how to be in control of the orgasm that goes beyond any technique. Is it ok if I share that with you guys? Grant:Uh yeah! Satyen: Alright, here we go. I’m going to guide you into a place. I want you guys to once again sit up straight. If you slouched that’s all right. Come back up and feel your spine once again open, alive, with the head floating up to the sky, with your tailbone grounded.
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I want you to feel there’s blood and energy pouring up and down and moving through your spine. Allow the rest of your muscles to relax around your spine. Let your spine hold up everything while your muscles relax. I want you to feel…you can do this with your eyes closed if it’s a safe place for you to do so…I want you to feel where do you go to after you’ve come, after you’ve ejaculated? What’s the place in your mind, your body, your consciousness, your awareness? How do you feel after you’ve come, right after? After the peak of the pleasure, the cooling, the calm, the place where it’s noiseless. It’s a quiet bliss. It’s edgeless, without edge. It goes on forever in the black of being or consciousness. It has no up, has no down. It’s before any thought, prior to any thought. It’s this place where it’s like deep masculine bliss of emptiness. No worries, no mortgages, no women, no health issues, no money problems, no whatever. It’s just absolutely free of any dilemmas, any challenges, any crap going on. It’s this place that’s like “Yeahhhh.” Every guy knows what I’m talking about. I want you to allow yourself to open into that space right now. How would you breathe if you just came, right after? How would you be sitting or relaxing? How would you be feeling, and let that feeling saturate yourself, your spine, your breath. How would you be breathing and feeling? What type of thoughts would you have? In fact, you would be empty of thought. You’d just be in this wide edgeless space within yourself. Now from that place feel infinitely in, which means feel all the way in, as far as you can feel in. And when I say so, slowly open your eyes if you haven’t done so already. Go ahead and slowly open your eyes. From that place, emanate outward. You were feeling inward all the way. Now with your eyes open, you’re also feeling outwards at the same time, and your mind, your soul, your essence, your awareness, your consciousness is in this place which you go to after you ejaculate. It’s always already there. If you start making love to your woman from this place where you’ve already come, so you’re not racing to get to the end, you’re not racing to get to the peak, you’re not racing to get to the top, to the crescendo and come, because you already have. When you make love to a woman from this place of you’ve already come, then guess what starts to happen – you start to master your sexual energy. Everything you learned about the breath I just taught you, about the spine, all the language skills, the dating skills, all the communication skills you guys are Page 219 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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learning…all that will go to such a profound place and level, she’s going to just start to melt the moment you walk into the room before you do anything. The goddess, the feminine, ladies can feel this place which is beyond your thoughts. She can feel that you’re not just trying to use her to get to an end result. She can feel that you’re not in a hurry to get anywhere, that you’re actually rested, wide open, as this very moment, as this very circumstance, as this very man who doesn’t need to go anywhere because he’s so grounded right now in this place. So in summary, go to the place in your consciousness where you go to after you ejaculate and start making love from that place, and then see what magic, wonder, and self-mastery unfolds from there, gentlemen. Grant:That’s something I’ve never heard before. I don’t know what everyone’s feeling out there, but I felt that in my gut. That is very powerful stuff. Wow. Thank you for that.
“Go to the place in your consciousness where you go to after you ejaculate and start making love from that place, then see what magic…unfolds.“
Satyen: I wanted to give you and your guys the best I have, and that is one of the ancient secrets which is rarely ever revealed. Men who are inspired by learning that and how to anchor that, I’ll be more than happy to teach them how to make that a way of life and not just a temporary experience. Grant:A way of life, how to approach life from that position, that post-coming position, from that boundless kind of wide pyramid base, not just to make love from but to live your life from. Am I getting that right? Satyen:
You got it, brother.
Grant:Beautiful. You know what I want to do, I want to open the lines up for questions. That really impacted me here. So let’s open the lines. It’s 5*, so anyone who presses 5*, because I want to kind of catch you at this moment. I’d like to know what other people are thinking. Press 5* and on my computer in front of me a little hand will be raised. Here they come. So we’re going to open up some lines. Satyen, you ready? Of course you’re ready. Satyen:
I’m ready. Page 220
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Grant:Ok. Our first caller is Jimmy from Florida. Caller:
Hey, how you doing, Satyen?
Satyen:
Hi Jimmy.
Caller: I have a little gift to share, as long as we’re on that subject. Let me just pull over to the side of the road here. I’m not on my skates. But I get to do that because I’m right. [laughing] You know, as a musician, I don’t play harmonica any more but years ago I used to play harmonica. There would often be passages where you just need more breath than you have available. I always found that if I needed more there was always more. When you run out, there’s still more and there’s still more, any time you want to. What I learned is that when I’m about to come, if I just breathe out, and when I’m out of breath I continue to do that. When I’m still out of breath, I push more out and more and keep doing that. Pretty much 100% of the time it will, at least for me, it keeps me from coming. Satyen:
That’s right. The energy to come will subside.
Caller: breathe in.
Yes, you just keep pushing out, you just don’t allow yourself to
I have a question, though. The question is what sometimes happens to me is I can come, like any guy, within a minute or two. If I don’t, the longer I wait, sometimes it becomes difficult to come. It’s frustrating. It’s almost like my body gets into a whole other rhythm and I want to come and my woman wants me to, but I can’t. It’s sort of like if I don’t do it within the first let’s say 20 minutes or half hour, sometimes it can be frustrating. Then there also can be pain, what they call blue balls or something. Satyen: Exactly, so let me address that. For you to get to that point where you feel like coming and you have to exhale for a continuous period of time, that means that you’ve gone beyond that sort of level 7 or 8 of arousal, where you’ve probably peaked into 9 for a period of time. When you stay in the 9 or even close to a 10, even for short periods like five minutes or so, then your body neurologically is wired, it goes beyond a threshold where it’s like, “I’ve got to come, I’ve got to come,” and then you’ve got to do these drastic breath measures.
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Caller: Actually I don’t do that anymore. It’s become subconscious. I just get into the rhythmic breathing out and I don’t even think about it, but I know that’s where it came from, because I used to do that all the time. Satyen: That’s right. So what I would say is practice more staying at a level of 6 for a period of time, which means you’re aroused, you’ve got a hard-on, but you’re not so aroused that you can’t just go into conversation and relax deeply. It’s a practice that you can cultivate with your woman and not continuously peak yourself beyond an 8 or a 9. I want you to try to do that for at least three times. The other thing now is we’re getting into more detailed sexual yoga practice. This is where I’d have to see your body, take a look at you, give you more specific unique instructions, but as a general instruction if you’re having blue balls and things like that and you’re getting that feeling like “I’ve really got to come,” it really means that you’re sustaining yourself at a higher level of arousal, that your body has to come, and if it doesn’t come all this energy and this power gets blocked inside. What I’m saying is learn to find within you the place that’s before that and learn to make love from the place before that, and stay in that area for 40 minutes at a level 6 and see what happens. Try that three times, three lovemaking sessions. Stay at a 6 for 40 minutes and then start to do the breathing I taught you and you’ll start to find that slowly your body will rewire where you have less of these extreme things going on. Grant:That’s great, thank you. I think we lost Jimmy on the line but I’m sure he heard it and I’m sure everyone got that. That was a really interesting comment on the breathing from him. We’re going to take another call here. By the way, 5*, anyone out there, 5* and you’ll be put on waiting and we’ll get to you as soon as we can. Our new caller is another Jimmy from Baton Rouge. Are you out there? Caller:
Yeah, this is Jimmy from Baton Rouge.
Satyen:
Hey Jimmy.
Caller:
How you doing?
Satyen:
Good, great!
Caller: I live kind of in the Bible belt and I find it difficult to find women that accept this kind of philosophy and practice. I mean I can get them interested in tantric massage and things like that, but I’ve looked at your schedule in April for the Sex, Passion & Enlightenment intensive and also the Illumination intensive. Page 222 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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I mean to get into the community and so forth, do you need to go to your training session and workshop, the retreat or whatever, and just get to know people to get in the community so you can meet women that believe like this? Satyen: Well, let me backtrack a bit first, ok? First of all, you said you’re in a Bible belt community. This is the stuff that more modest women love. More modest women love to feel "You could be a a man who’s not just walking around with a hard-on who wants to get laid. Christian, a Women like that, who have a religious background, who have a spiritual background, they want to know that you’re more than just a surface man. They want to feel that there’s depth coming from you, that you have something bigger than a small point of view, and that you have a spiritual nature.
Buddhist, a tantric person, it doesn’t matter. Learning these practices is beyond any religion..."
So you could be a Christian, a Buddhist, a tantric person, it doesn’t matter. Learning these practices is beyond any religion because women and goddesses, wherever they’re from, whatever sexual background or conservative background they’re from, when they start to feel you in your body more and more, when they start to feel that your breath is deeper, they don’t know this is happening consciously. They just feel it. It’s hard to explain, but they can feel it.
When they feel that stuff, then even the most conservative woman, her inhibitions just relax. Her conservatism starts to relax. You know why? Because she can trust that depth in you. That’s the first thing I wanted to let you know, that you can find amazing women in your own area but you’ve got to do the work. When you do the work, you’ll be a magnet attracting other women who want to be with a man who’s doing the work. Now you asked about my trainings and so forth. I offer them all over the place, but mostly in the west coast, Canada and the U.S. You can get the different dates for that. But more importantly is to recognize this. When you do the actual training, I want you to learn how to do the training so that you take this stuff home. I believe that the workshop is there to train you so that you have greater skill when you go home, so you can take it into your own place where you live. So I’m going to do the training, I’m going to give you the boot camp, but then you’ve got to practice it at your own home and you’re going to see how this works with women right in your own neighborhood. Page 223 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Grant:Great. Do you have a follow-up question there? Oh, I think he got muted. As long as we’re on the workshops, let’s just say a few words. Now you’ve been generous in the past to my list, to guys who participate in these programs. You know how much I support you, and you offered some great deals really for people, actually astonishing deals, for people on my list. People who are part of my community have been to workshops and I’ve met them there, and to a T they have come back just so deeply grateful. It almost brings tears to my eyes. They’re so deeply grateful for what happens in the workshops. I just want to say to everyone listening that, as you can tell, what Satyen does is experiential. So the kind of processes he walked us through were kind of listening meditations, but he works with your body, he works with women’s bodies, he puts men and women together in pretty bold circumstances. No one’s having sex in the room, but really deeply bold risky breakthrough any sort of holding back patterns that you have. Really helpful stuff. I’m just going to ask you point blank. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, but can you offer the same deep discount that you did the last time we spoke? Satyen: You know what, Grant, you’re so committed. I’ve got to let everyone know out there who’s listening that when I met Grant, he’s come to my trainings, this guy stands behind you guys and follows up in ways I can’t believe and he wants you to get it. Because I see that commitment from you that you want these guys to get it, you want your friends here to get it, I’m going to pass this on to you as well. I’m going to give you guys just an incredible offer. I have this training called Sex, Passion & Enlightenment. It’s for guys who want to learn how to tap into their sexual essence, how to ground everything I talked about, how to learn to attract a woman and blow her doors open. Actually you’re going to learn how to give a woman an orgasm without even touching her, just from your mere presence. You’re going to see this, you’re going to feel it. When you go back home from the training you’re going to have a whole set of tools that aren’t just in your head or in a book. They’re going to be in your cells. They’re going to be in your breath. They’re going to be in your body and they’re going to be in your soul, and I guarantee that. It’s a 3-day intensive training I have. Believe it or not, I charge $1,995 for it, so $2,000. There’s meals and accommodation on top of that. But what we did last time for Grant and all the good guys listening is we gave an incredible savings. Page 224 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Again I’m going to repeat the same thing, ok Grant, for you? I’m going to make it $797 for you guys. $797. Now the only way to claim this, it’s real important that you take down my contact info, call my office, and I’m going to give you this toll-free number guys. It’s 1-800-815-1545. And the first 20 men who respond to this, we’re going to make sure that you get the tuition for Sex, Passion & Enlightenment for only $797. Any men who need a payment plan, who need to spread it out over a few months, if you’re inspired, you have the desire to change your life from the inside out and you want to become what I call an awakened warrior sage…the warrior’s the one who faces fears, the sage is the one who finds their own inner wisdom…if you’re willing to do that, guys, and take action on this right away, you must call. If you call the number and it’s voice mail, just say that you heard the interview with Grant and Satyen, and they will make sure that they save 20 spots with this incredible discount of $797. They’ll give you all the details. There’s different locations all over the place. We don’t have to get on the phone with that right now, but when you call our office, the incredible staff will help you out. They’ll get you into the right location at the right time that best serves you, alright? Grant:That’s great! Thank you. You actually threw in the other weekend, which is called Illumination, for free last time. Could we do that again? Satyen: You know what, the Illumination intensive…you know this place I talked about, Grant, where men go and where we can go prior to orgasm, that essence of the place that you were before you were born, as you’re in your life now, that place that will be there after you die…that pyramid and the base of the pyramid, not just in our sexuality but in everything we do in life, well this is the place to find that base of the pyramid, finding out who you are, what you’re here for. It’s a very intense process. I’m not going to tell you much about it. It does take some warrior courage to be able to do the process. It’s totally safe physically, but what it’s going to do is it’s going to bring up the best in you. It’s called the Illumination intensive. That’s a $3,000 program because it’s a 5day event. There’s meals and accommodation on top of that, depending on the location, around $500 I think roughly. But what I’m going to also do is for the first 20 men who call our office and once again say they listened to the Grant show and the interview with Grant and Satyen, we’ll make sure that we pass on the Illumination intensive. Page 225 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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And listen to this guys, take down the number, 1-800-815-1545. Let them know that you heard the Grant show and they’re going to gift it to you. The tuition, the $3,000 tuition, is totally waived. You get it for free. You may be wondering, “Is there a catch?” There’s no catch, no obligation. I’m committed to seeing you guys become the best you can be. I know that if you become the best you can be and deepen that depth within you, that what’s going to happen is you’re going to tell more friends about it, and that’s what I’m looking for. If you like what I do, I know you’ll share it with more people and that’s my motive. Grant:That’s beautiful, and I have to add that I’ve done the weekend and I did the Illumination early on with Satyen, before I even knew him that well. I would stake my entire professional and personal reputation that it’s one of the most powerful experiences you’ll ever have in your life. That’s all I’m going to say about it for now because we can’t even get into that, but that is an incredibly powerful life-changing expansive workshop, as is everything you do. So you have his numbers. You can certainly go to www.GrantLikes.com/satyen. Contact them anytime you want and tell them you learned about him through us and you’ll get this great discount. I think it was the first 20. We’re going to take a couple more questions. We have, I don’t know who you are but are you out there? Name and city? Caller:
This is Bob McCoy, Greensburg, North Carolina.
Grant:Now Bob, you were actually at one of Satyen’s workshops, right? Caller: Angeles.
Yeah, I just finished the SP&E in Los
Grant:Well, lay it on us. How was it? Caller: Well, I want to talk about heart connection and I want to find out if what you’re talking about is what I experienced there with several different women, two of which I asked to see after the workshop. When I was with them, with these two and several others, what I felt was that there was a point when we were doing this eye-to-eye exercise that I just felt them melt. There was a point at which I could touch her heart.
"There was a point…when we were doing this eyeto-eye exercise that I just felt her melt. There was a point at which I could touch her heart."
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From that experience and feeling that intimacy and what that felt like to me, and also their vulnerability, I came away with a decision or more of a knowing that I would never ever betray that, ever. The question really is that….like I dance a lot. When I’m on the floor with a woman and I look at her, I mean there’s no way you can spend that much time looking at somebody else’s eyeball without them getting weirded out. But at the same time it felt to me like there was a point in that exercise when I really felt like I was there with her. It was just a fraction of a second, and from that point on that’s where the connection was. It’s almost like I could walk down the street and look at a woman that way and put myself into it just for a fraction of a second and have it be there. Satyen: Exactly. So first of all, congratulations. You’re doing the practice and you succeeded. Everything I just talked about you experienced in your own body. I’m sure you could tell the other guys listening that it was through the body, including your body, but a deeper part of you was doing this experience and doing this practice. Now the key is that the better you get at it, the more you do it, the more able you are to connect with women at this level of core. And the more you connect with women at this level of core, it’s true what you said. Their barriers, their fears will start to melt. You know why? Because they’re feeling the warrior sage within you. They’re feeling the impeccability within you and they’re also feeling your deepest heart. So I really believe, and my experience is, every good man who’s listening to this, you need to be on this type of training, unless there’s a part of you that knew that you could be greater in every way. So when you come with that attitude to the world that I’m here not just to get, but I’m here to stabilize my depth and bring out who I am, then you’ll be able to look into a woman’s eyes with pride, without nervousness, without shyness, and she’s going to be able to feel that part in you and respond in a magical and beautiful way, like you experienced with many women at the training. Caller: Yes, it was incredible. In closing, I’ll say that I sat across from my ex-girlfriend, who I lived with for three years and we’ve been apart for three years, this evening. I hadn’t seen her probably for a year or two. I just looked into her eyes and told her how beautiful she was, she is. I just looked at her and she got it. She lit up like a Christmas tree. I’ve never seen anything like it. That’s the same kind of connection I had with the gals in the workshop. It’s just amazing. Page 227 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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I tell you, guys, the work this man does is unbelievable, and I’ve done a lot of work. This is totally amazing. That’s it. Grant:Thank you. The only reason I wasn’t there, by the way, is because I got that stomach flu. You guys remember a couple weeks ago we had a teleseminar that I did from my bed in pain, and I was looking forward to that weekend for months. Now I’m even sorrier I didn’t make it, but I’ll make the next one. We have three more questions. Let’s see, who’s on now? Caller:
This is Jimmy in Minnesota.
Grant:Hey Jimmy. This is our third Jimmy tonight! Caller: What you’re describing, Satyen, is quite a bit different from other stuff I’ve read. Obviously I’m speaking of reading and not getting certain work done, and maybe it’s good I haven’t done certain work now that you’ve spoken what you have. But there’s this talk about doing your Kegels so you can come without ejaculation because you completely shut down the hydraulic valve. So it sounds like you’re sustaining a 10, from what I’ve listened to, but what you’re describing seems to be somewhat different than that sort of stuff from some of these other writers. Satyen: Well, writing in a book they can convey the essence of psychophysical practice. Kegels, which means contracting those muscles between your anus and your genitals, when you learn how to strengthen those muscles and pull them up and get them very strong, because for a lot of us they’re weak, then yes, we have more control over our anatomy and more control over the subtle organs. We have more control over the ejaculatory response. But what I’m saying is is that you can learn all of that stuff, but unless you learn in the subtle areas that I talked about, the meditative, the awareness realm, the consciousness realm, then that stuff won’t be as powerful. But if you deepen this part that I’ve been sharing about, stabilize the base of the pyramid, which is your relaxed, unfettered, uncollapsible awareness, the part that can’t be collapsed, the part that water can’t drown and fire can’t burn, the part that no woman can try to collapse in you…nothing can…when you make that your priority in your lovemaking, then do the Kegel practices, the tantric practices, the moving the energy practices. After that, you watch just how much more powerful…it’s over 1,000 times more powerful. So I wanted to let you know of something prior to that that’s an important thing to study. When you study and do that with your body, the other techniques that you’re learning in the books will become even way stronger. Page 228 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
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Caller:
That’s cool. It’s a progression.
Satyen: It is a progression. But really the main key that I want you guys to get is to bring your sexual mastery back home into your own soul. Don’t let yourself be bought by pleasures outside of yourself. When you learn how to find the pleasure within yourself, man, not only will you get it more in spades, but you’re going to be able to give it out in spades. Grant:Thank you very much. That’s a great answer. I want to see if we can get to the last couple questions before we cut off for the night. I know you have a family to get home to, so I’ll take our next question. Who do we have and where are you from? Caller:
This is Steve from Palo Alto.
Grant:Hey Steve, how are you? Caller:
Good. I’ve got one real quick question before my real question.
Satyen, a lot of what you were talking about reminded me of stuff I’ve read and studied with Ken Wilber and Integral stuff, the always all ready consciousness [? 80:21] and I was just curious as to whether he was possibly your main source or whether you learned that from other traditions or what your connection with those ideas was. Satyen: Well, you know, Ken Wilber’s a friend of one of my mentors, a guy named David Deida. David Deida has been one of my main mentors in the realm of sexuality and relationship, but more importantly one of my biggest teachers has been my wife and my own kung fu and meditative practice. Because we’ve learned to do these practices, everything I’m sharing about it’s important that I let you know that I’m doing it first. I think we have to really be able to do the work before we can transmit it. “The main reason So I don’t know too much about Ken Wilber’s writings and so forth, but I do know he talks about consciousness. The main thing is that wherever we find it in the book, if we can’t find it within our own soul, this is the real book that we’ve got to write and read, you know. Caller:
Yeah, I was just curious about that.
My real question is very early in the call you were talking about claiming a woman. My question or something that’s still left unresolved is there was the difference of Page 229 Copyright © 2007 N2B Partners. All Rights Reserved.
one should be with a woman from this place of mastery is because…she is inspiring you to live your deepest purpose more than you could on your own.” www.EroticMastery.com
like when she’s testing you, sort of the difference between the attitude of “I’ll find somebody else, I’m not needy” versus the attitude of “I cannot be stopped no matter what the tests are. She’s the one.” Can you say something about that? Satyen: That’s a great question. I’m going to give the brass tacks, lay it on the floor, alright guys? In my training and my work and my ethic, there’s one reason you should be with a woman in a relationship, only one, and here’s what it is…or I should say the main reason. This is what I try to convey. The main reason one should be with a woman from this place of mastery is because you feel she is inspiring you to live your deepest purpose more than you could on your own. The one reason you’re with her is your ability to take her deeper into the spiritual dimension of openness and oneness and love, ultimately, more than she could go by herself It’s that mutual ability to liberate each other from illusion and confusion into oneness, love, and freedom. It’s more powerful with this woman than you sense it would be with someone else. When you know that that woman has that capacity to inspire you, not just turn you on, but turn your soul on, so not just your penis is getting an erection but so is your consciousness…that’s the mark of a good woman. So when a woman knows how to turn your consciousness on just as much as she knows how to give you a hard-on, she knows how to give you a soul hard-on as well, that’s the type of woman you want to claim. How can you tell? Real simple, you ask your buddies. Check out your buddies. They’re going to tell you. Say, “Hey listen, I’ve been dating this woman a few times. You’ve met her now.” You’ve had a fun time together at a movie or at a club with a bunch of your friends. Then you ask your buddies. Go, “Man, how do you feel I’m living my deepest purpose? Am I living at my edge? Do you feel I’m giving my biggest gifts? Do you feel I’m vacillating in any way? Do you feel I’m procrastinating?” If there answer is, “Hey man, you’re on fire! You’re living at your edge. You’re living more aligned with who you are. It doesn’t seem like you’re doping around.
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Seems like you’ve entered life with more fullness,” then you don’t have to ask them what they think of her. You ask them, “How do you feel I’m living my purpose?” If she’s a good woman, she’ll know. Just by being with her you’ll feel like living your purpose more and not just jumping into her pants. Caller: both?
So you’d ask friends about that versus just asking yourself, or
Satyen: You need both, you need to check that within yourself, and to make sure you’re not deluding yourself you have a good set of friends who can give you some subjectivity about how you’re doing. Caller:
Thanks.
Grant:Thank you. And with that I think we’re going to have to let you get back to your family. Satyen, we’re good friends. I cannot thank you enough. Once again you’ve blown me away with what you teach, what you know, and how you express it. For everyone out there, I’ll speak for them for the moment. We’ll open up the lines so people can thank you themselves. www.GrantLikes.com/satyen. He’s staying on that page. Like I said, there’s very few words that I could say that could really capture what happens at these weekends. He really is a workshop leader. He works with your body. He works way beyond words and I cannot recommend him enough. Satyen, you want to give your direct number once again? Satyen: Certainly. It’s toll-free 1-800-805-1545. Let them know once again that you were on this phone call, you were on this lesson, and my staff will make sure that you’re well taken care of from the beginning to end, alright? Grant:Yeah, and they’re a great staff. Is there anything else you want to add before we open the lines for people just to say thanks? Satyen: Yeah, I want everyone to know very simply that everything that I’m speaking, I have learned the hard way. I grew up as a total wimp, total nerd, lack of self-esteem, and every bit of consciousness…the ladder that I have climbed, I want everyone to know, that every man has that ladder. I am no one special. I have no special gifts other than some simple practices that I did over and over again. I want to encourage every man out there who thinks, “Oh man, what he’s talking about is beyond me,” to say screw that.
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Say, “Yes, I can experience this. I can live this way. I can have this for myself.” No matter who you are, claim who you are and act. Don’t vacillate any more. Grant:Beautiful. We’re going to open up the lines, Satyen, so everyone can say good night.
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