Emotions of Wanting

 

o •

•

•

Emotions of not wanting: o

Fear 

o

Shame

o

Repulsion

o

ontentment

o

An!iety

Emotions of having: o

Happiness

o

"ride

o

Guilt

o

#ealousy

Emotions of not having:

o

Anger  Sadness

o

Distress

o

•

Love

$ther mind%changing emotions: o

ontempt

o

Surprise

o

Arousal

Fear of pain

"ain hurts and e!treme pain is e!cruciating& "ain is designed to protect the

 'ody 'y ma(ing ma(ing us ta(e ta(e care of physical physical damage to ourselves& ourselves& )his can  'ecome unhelpful unhelpful when we have got the message yet the pain continues& continues& *e might also consider that high levels of pain are unnecessary& •

Emotions of wanting:

"ain can 'e psychological psychological as well as physical& "sychological pain is often

o

Anticipation

felt in the 'ody as tension and stress+ and can 'e every 'it as un'eara'le as

o

Greed

that caused 'y physical damage to the 'ody& ,ost fear is felt this way+

o

Hope

which is why we may fear fear itself&

o

Envy Desire

Fear of loss

o

 

*e ac-uire many things in our lives+ often as a result of long and hard

)he opposite position to identity is actual or perceived personal e!tinction+

wor(& )his includes physical o'.ects and intangi'le things such as

either of which is terrifying& 1t is perhaps unsurprising that many religions

relationships& )he thought of losing what we have gained is often a fearful

have a focus in continuation of the self after death& 1t is this fear of

thought /that has led to a profita'le insurance industry0&

e!tinction that is the ultimate concern when our identity is threatened&

)he sense of loss is preceded 'y the process of attachment+ in which we

Fear of re.ection 'y others is very common& *e e!tend our sense of

connect things and people to our sense of identity+ ma(ing them an

identity to include those around us& *hen others re.ect us+ our e!tended

e!tension of our selves& Loss then 'ecomes a loss of self+ which relates to

sense of identity is damaged and can trigger the empty feeling of

the fear of e!tinction& e!tinction&

loneliness&

*hen attachment is stronger+ the anticipated sense of loss is also greater+

Fear of uncertainty

which in turn amplifies fear& )his is why the thought of losing family and friends can 'e so scary& 1t also e!plains why there are philosophies that  propose a reduction reduction in material material wealth wealth and even living living as a h hermit& ermit&

1n the )he 1A 2eeds ,odel ,odel  there are two (ey needs: for a sense of identity identity and  and for a sense of control control&& As well as the fear of e!tinction /loss of identity0 we may also fear losing control+ which is affected 'y

Fear of non-gain

uncertainty& )his fear is often a'out the possi'ility of the non%gain of not

)he flip%side of losing what you have is to not gain what want and e!pect&

 'eing una'le una'le to achieve achieve our goals&

*hen we predict we predict  the future /which we constantly do0+ some things are

Fear of losing control can come through a reali3ation that we sometimes

 particularly desira'le+ desira'le+ in p particular articular tho those se related to achieving our our goals goals&& 

do not have the power to change the environment or what others thin( and

)he thought of not gaining the things we have planned to gain is painful

do& Achieving our goals means coping with nature4s events and

and ma(es us fearful&

influencing others& *hen we cannot do this we feel all at sea and out of

Achieving our goals is affected 'y our a'ility to control the world around

control&

us& 1f we cannot achieve this then we may rightly feel threatened 'y it+ and

$ther people have their own goals and may 'e uncaring a'out us or even

conse-uently fearful of it& conse-uently Fear of non%gain can 'e driven 'y anticipated loss+ where we imaging

manipulate us for their own ends& *e fear 'eing under the influence of others who get us to do things that we (now are not in our 'est interests&

gaining what we desire and then feel a sense of loss when we thin( a'out not getting it&

Fear of extinction $ur sense of  identity identity is  is a fundamental need and is closely associated with our sense of meaning and self%worth& *hen things happen to reduce this sense we feel diminished and our sense of personal meaning in the world is damaged&

)hey achieve this through power in various forms or may .ust 'e s(ilful at  persuasion&& *hen powerful  persuasion powerful others act against us we feel powerless powerless and out of control& Fear of losing control may 'e com'ined with other fears+ such as of pain+ loss+ non%gain or e!tinction&

Fear of failure

 

A (ey element of control is in control of oneself+ 'oth in managing the

great speed& )he a'ove categories can help you identify and name fear+

effects of emotions and in having the s(ills to achieve our goals& )he

which is the first step to opposing or using it&

thought that we may fail to get what we want can 'e rather scary&

owardice is 'ased in fear+ possi'ly of pain 'ut also possi'ly fearing other 

A worry is that we will react unthin(ingly+ getting angry or e!cited and do

fears& ourage is feeling frightened 'ut going ahead anyway+ using

things we will later regret& Failing to have sufficient self%control is a 'ig

willpower to overcome one4s fear& 6ou can overcome fear in yourself or

issue for some people&

others 'y stimulating and 4en%couraging4 courage&

A more common fear is that we will fail at a tas( due to a lac( of s(ills+

1n your persuasions+ act to counter fears that stop people changing and

ma(ing silly mista(es+ 'eing una'le to influence others+ or any of the

carefully use it to nudge them in the right direction+ though do 'e careful

many other reasons that things go wrong for us&

of their fear reactions causing them to move in ways that you did not e!pect&

Associated with the fear of failure is the fear of 'eing critici3ed 'y others and losing social position&

Conditioned fear

 

ANGER

Aggressive Anger A different fear is that which has 'een conditioned into onditioning  ta(es an e!isting stimulus and response and connects in a us&  us& onditioning new stimulus that soon also causes the response& "avlov famously rang a  'ell when feeding feeding a dog and found that that 'efore long .ust the ssound ound of the  'ell was enough enough to ma(e ma(e the dog salivate& 1t w was as also fou found nd that a 'e 'ell ll could stimulate fear when associated with electric shoc(s& ,any of our conditioned fears originate in childhood where we erroneously connected availa'le stimuli with unpleasant events& *e may also learn later in life to always fear certain situations& situations& *e can also have genetic fears+ such as of spiders and sna(es& )hrough countless generations generations we have 'ecome naturally fearful of certain animals and the sight of any scurrying and writhing can trigger a powerful fear response&

Anger is the emotion of fighting and when a person is angered they will naturally see( to attac( others& *hen we are angry+ we care less a'out other people and will more readily hurt them& 1n fact when we are angry+ our  values values change+  change+ going from 4'e nice4 to 4inflict harm4& ,any animals prefer aggressive posturing to fighting as even a cut can turn septic and 'e fatal& "eople+ too+ often e!press anger first as a threat+ using 'oth attac(ing words andaggressive andaggressive 'ody language& language& 1n this way+ anger is a common persuasive method that threatens harm if the other  person does does not concede& concede& *hen a person wants to attac( another+ for whatever reason+ they may deli'erately get themselves angry+ for e!ample 'y thin(ing of how poorly the world has treated them or how the other person deserves punishment&

So what?

Fighters do this when they stereotype and depersonali3e the enemy as they

5nderstand how fear wor(s& 1t can 'e perverse and hidden and lead people into strange actions& 1t can stop them changing or ma(e them change with

)here is a danger in 'eing too angry in a fight& )he angry attac(er is

wor( themselves up into a 'erser(er rage&

seldom su'tle and often depends on invo(ing fear  that triggers su'mission or error& A s(illed opponent may use this+ perhaps even provo(ing anger

 

and then coolly predicting moves in order to slip around the o'vious

*hen a person 'rea(s these rules we may well feel an angry sense

frontal attac(&

of 'etrayal of 'etrayal and  and moral outrage+ seeing the person as 'eing 'ad and

Defensive Anger

deserving of harsh punishment& Even single transgressions may receive

*hen a person is suddenly attac(ed+ then the primitive  primitive  fight%or%flight

uncaring&

reaction is reaction  is triggered&+ for which a 'oost of adrenaline gives power to

severe treatment when the crime is considered to 'e particularly selfish or

,oral outrage is a common tool of newspapers and other media who

muscles& )o fight+ you need to 'e -uic( and hit hard& )o run away+ speed and agility are also of the essence&

amplify transgressions with emotive language to trigger widespread anger

An initial emotional response to threat is fear + which gives motivation to

elsewhere in life+ where individuals effectively say 41f you are not also

run away& 1f the person is cornered or flight seems unwise /such as where

angry then you are a 'ad person&4 )his is a 4with us or against us4 false

reputation matters0+ then fighting may seem a 'etter option& *hile fear can

dilemmatechni-ue+ dilemma techni-ue+ intended to force others into agreement&

lead to the courage of desperation+ it is not the 'est emotion for fighting& )his is a reason why fear often turns to anger and the defensive person

at target people& $utrage is also a tool of power in politics+ religion and

Frustrated Anger

may appear as an aggressor&

As a part of survival and  and meaning%ma(ing meaning %ma(ing we create personal  personal goals+ things

*hen one person uses aggressive anger as a persuasive tool and the other

we then see( to achieve& )hese range from short%term desires+ such as

turns to defensive anger then a loud argument may ensue& 1f the person

getting to wor(+ to longer%term o'.ectives+ such as getting promoted&

defending turns to individual attac( as a distraction or as retri'ution+ then

*hen we achieve out goals+ as well as the material 'enefits we gain a

a pattern of alternating attac( and defense may appear& 1n this way the

control is sense of satisfaction or delight as our need for need for a sense of  control 

original su'.ect of discussion may get lost as the fight 'ecomes personal&

satisfied& *hen things do not go to plan then we -uic(ly 'ecome

Outraged Anger

frustrated and angry& )his is why traffic .ams+ for e!ample+ are so

1n order to live together in society we follow 'oth formal and informal

stop us achieving our intent then we tend to vent our anger ver'ally and on

rules+ including social norms and values values&& )ypical rules include 'eing fair

those around us+ for e!ample in 'ad driving and 4road rage4&

as well as not harming others and supporting vulnera'le other people&

annoying& *hen things happen over which we have no control and which

Deli'erately frustrating others is an act of control that demonstrates power 

*here there is a pro'lem with people not conforming to informal norms

and see(s status& *hen others 'loc( our actions+ refuse permission or

then formal laws may 'e introduced+ for e!ample a'out stealing& A formal

withdraw resources+ we feel angry 'ut may not 'e a'le to show it as to do

system of enforcement needs police and .udges& 1nfringements of informal

so might attract further un(indness&

rules are dealt with 'y individuals and social groups+ where punishments include criticism and e!clusion& )hose attac(ed with moral outrage and righteous indignation often have to ma(e amends in some way to 'e accepted 'ac( into society+ for e!ample 'y apologi3ing or recanting&

Frustration is a (ey source of stress  stress  and yet we still let it happen+ as to ta(e less stressful action is to admit a loss of control& *e may direct anger inward+ critici3ing ourselves for lac( of planning or preparation& *e may also pro.ect our anger onto others+ even those who are clearly innocent yet  .ust happen happen to 'e near'y& near'y&

 

it. )ee it, and hear it, and especially, feel it as deeply as you can.

So what? 5nderstand anger and do not let it control you& 5se it wisely and carefully+

)  If you are a physical person, tae a pillow and eep hitting a chair, your bed, something, feeling your hu rt every time you hit that object object with the pillow pillow.. very time you hit that pillow say the words +I hate or +I am frustrated or whatever it is that you are feeling.

and when you are angry 'e careful a'out of the harm you may do& *hen others are angry+ they can 'e provo(ed into things they would not normally do or say+ 'ut 'eware of their irrationality& 1f you want to have a reasoned argument+ wait for them to calm down& •

Deciding How To Respond To Your Emotions:  Once you have identified a certain emotion you will at times need to decide how to proceed in dealing with it. There are many options that need to be considered carefully. Certain approaches can have very serious effects. Yo You u could lose your job, or you could lose your marriage. It’s very important to consider your options carefully before saying or doing something that cannot be taen bac.

The following are a few !uestions you can as yourself when deciding what response would suit a particular situation best " and each emotion, each situation is different. #$m I reacting to this situation or is this reaction partially a reaction to a past situation as well% well% #$m I able to discuss discuss the issues with the person without venting venting anger% #&ill I be abl able e to tal about how I feel to the person% person% #Is a direct approach the the best way to proceed% #&hat are the conse!uences of dealing directly with the person' situation% #&hat do I e(pect from this discussion% #$re my e(pectations realistic% #)hould I discuss this with someone before doing anything% *y asing these !uestions you will be deciding whether a direct approach is the best approach, and if so if you are ready d do o this at the present time. If  your anger is at a +rage stage, you need to release some of this a nger before proceeding to discuss this with anyone. •

!)  -et yourself a punching bag and hang it in your basement. Then tae time to eep hitting that punching bag, releasing your rage.

The Physical Part of Releasing Your Emotions:   There are a number of ways you can begin to release your emotions, especially those relating to anger and hurt. 1)  -o into an empty room, or go for a drive alone, and scream, scream as loudly loudly as you can. )cream the words +I hate or whatever it is you are feeling. )o many people have never screamed out their hurt, their rage. Continue to do this as long as it feels right inside. Cry, allow yourself to cry your feeling.

2)  If you cannot scream aloud, imagine you are screaming your rage, hurt, and pain. Imagine it and imagine

")  Tae Tae your fists and eep pounding a table saying, +I hate and just eep doing it. #)  If you lie to write, write about your anger/ write about your hate/ write about how hurt you are/ write about how afraid you really are. 0ournal about what happened and how it is affecting you today. & &rite rite about what you have lost, or what you have never had that has hurt you so deeply. $eel the feeling% Don&t 'e afraid of it%  1nder all the anger, rage, hate, and hurt is one emotion " 2$34  1t7s essential to whatever method you choose to reali3e that you are hating+ that you are full of rage and anger+ and that this is a safe way to 'egin to accept your anger+ your hate+ and to own your anger anger and hate as your own& So often we are too afraid to lose control or .ust afraid of the intensity of our rage+ that w e run away from it and ignore it& )he more you ignore it+ the 'igger it gets& gets&

One of the most important things about releasing an emotion is to concentrate on the emotion rather than what caused the emotion. emotion. 2orget who did what that caused the emotion, forget about the pe rson who did something to you, concentrate on the +I hate or +I am angry or +I am so hurt. It’s the emotion you need to release. 5on’t be afraid to feel your feelings. 2eeling them means owning them. •

(peaing Your Truth * To release release emotions you need to tell one human being one time only about the situation that caused the feeling buried within you. You You need to e(plain in detail what happened, your feelings around this e(perience, and how this e(perience is affecting your life )o often wesomehow hide situations and life’s happenings because wetoday. are ashamed and feel things happen to us because because we are +bad people. It’s impo important rtant to tell your complete complete story in detail to one person. This will help you to gain a healthier perspective on the situation. 6owever, if

 

you eep repeating the story to different people, taling about it repeatedly, thining about it over and over again, this becomes a resentment 7a recurring negative thought8. The resentment then becomes another problem rather than part of the solution.

•

)ecrets are shame9based and incidents ept secret or feelings hidden from others will mae these feelings deeper deeper and longer lasting. motional secrets lead to emotional and mental illness. •

?ray for the the person you are resenting. &ish for this person ev every ery wonderful thing you would want to have in your most perfect life. &ish them blessing and good fortune in all things. In time, this type of a prayer prayer will release you from your resentment. This is difficult.

Transmuting Emotions: )it in a comfortable chair, close close your eyes, put your head bac, and rela( as best you can. 5o the following e(ercise for :; deep breaths. Concentrating on your breathing, inhale on the count of si(, hold this breath to the count of si(, e(hale to the count of si(, and rest to the count of si(, then begin again. If the count of si( is too difficult try the count of four or five. Concentrate fully on on your process of breathing only only..