Emotional Intelligence and Mentoring

It is imperative that the mentor understands the role of emotional intelligence (EI) and how it effects his or her mentoring interactions. If a mentor is to effectively lead others in transformational change he or she must be aware of how they personally act and react when confronted with life situations. Mentoring is not merely an educational process where information is given, received and regurgitated. Mentoring is a process of modeling appropriate behavior in order to influence others for the good. Therefore, we will discuss two themes in this paper: what is EI and of what importance is EI in the mentoring relationship. What Is Emotional Intelligence Emotional intelligence is broken down into four components by Mayer and Salovey and defined as, “the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth,” (cited in Ashkanasy, 2003). Mayer and Cobb define EI as, “the capacity to process emotional information accurately and efficiently, including the capacity to perceive, assimilate, understand and manage emotion,” (cited in Hawkey, 2006). Others define EI in different terms but all of the definitions seem to possess four common elements: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management, ("Resonant Leader Is One In Tune With Himself, Others," 2005). Although there seems to be a multitude of definitions concerning EI we will, for the purposes of this paper, borrow from Daniel Goleman’s definition, “the ability to be aware of and to handle one’s emotions in varying situations,” (cited in Kobe, Reither-Lamon & Rickers, 2001). This definition seems broad enough to encompass most other definitions yet specific enough as to promote critical thought on the matter at hand. The Importance of Emotional Intelligence In The Mentoring Relationship Mentors must be cognizant of how they interact with people in a variety of settings. If, for example, the mentor struggles to communicate in social settings or is unable to control

emotional outbursts when a colleague disagrees there is a need for the mentor to uncover the causes of these shortcomings. In other words the mentor hones his or her skill by a process of self-evaluation but is also willing to solicit the evaluations of others. This process is critical because of the imperative that good leaders must be able to interact with followers (Kobe, Reither-Lamon & Rickers 2001). The mentor thus has the responsibility to be a person who seeks to improve self and then improve others. As Jesus said, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye,” (Matthew 7:3)? A prerequisite to mentoring then is the ability to be aware of who are you are emotionally and socially and the willingness to change. Mentoring is, at its core, leadership and leadership is essentially an emotional process (Ashkanasy, 2003) but it also has a large social element. The mentor understands that what he or she is doing has effect on both the emotional and social character of those they lead. Many relegate emotions to be a, “disruptive, dangerous influence on thinking and behavior.” (cited in Hawkey, 2006) and thus disregard the influence emotions have on mentoring. Others downplay the social aspect of the mentoring relationship. However, neither of these areas can be separated if the goal of the mentor is to produce well-rounded individuals. The mentor then employs tools within his or her own life that directly challenges them to examine their emotional and social intelligence. The ability to, “be aware of and to handle one’s emotions in varying situations,” (cited in Kobe, Reither-Lamon & Rickers, 2001) comes then from a concerted effort on behalf of the mentor to grow socially and emotionally. If then we apply ourselves to growth personally we may very well have the privilege of empowering others to make forward progress with their lives. As the Apostle Paul instructs we should strive to take the things we have learned and teach it to others with the hope they too will teach (2 Timothy 2:2). Conclusion

Mentoring relationships provide two very important elements to our lives: introspection and service. Through introspection we are honestly and accurately examine our motives and actions in light of the situations we grapple with each day. Service then provides us the opportunity to share the benefits of our self-examination. The question one could honestly ask is, “Why go through all the trouble of self evaluation?” To quote Socrates, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Living a life that is never evaluated is to settle for mere existence with little impact. On the other hand a life that is honestly and consistently evaluated in order to mature is filled with opportunities to create a lineage of sons and daughters not born of our blood.

References Kobe, L., Reither-Lamon, R. & R., J. (2001, Summer). Self-Reported Leadership Experiences in Relation to Inventoried Social and Emotional Intelligence. Current Psychology, 20(2). Hawkey, K. (2006, May 2nd Quarter). Emotional Intelligence and Mentoring in Pre-Service Teacher Education: A Literature Review. Mentoring & Tutoring, 14(2), 137-147. Resonant Leader Is One In Tune With Himself, Others. (2005, November 28). USA Today (New York), sec. Money, p. 06b. Ashkanasy, N. &. D., M. (2003, Sep/Oct). Emotional Awareness and Emotional Intelligence in Leadership Training. Journal of Education for Business, 79(1), 18-22.