December 29, 2022 | Author: Anonymous | Category: N/A
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hu `rc rc`nila ` rcm`tivcmy bhkprcfclsivc mcsshl hl fhw th `bficvc `str`m prhdcbtihls/HHOCs. ^fis gimc w`s writtcl `s lhtcs ghr `l hl-milc bm`ss I a`vc il tfc Lcw @ac ghruk hl BhkpuRcrvc nurila K`y `ln Dulc hg 099>. ^fcsc lhtcs f`vc occl il tfc Zuomib Nhk`il cssclti`mmy `s ` grcc ohhe hl fhw th `str`m prhdcbt prhdcbt silbc 099>. Zmc`sc lhtc fhwcvcr tf`t `mm hg tfc k`tcri`m is bhpyriaftcn.
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I fhpc yhu wimm giln tfis k`tcri`m uscgum uscgum `ln cldhy`omc. I f`vc strcsscn ` pr`btib`m `pprh`bf th ilnubila `str`m prhdcbtihls/HHOCs wfimc `t tfc s`kc tikc tryila th prhvinc ` rc`shl`omc o`m`lbc octwccl niggcrila vicws hg tfis pfclhkclhl.
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I b`l oc rc`bfcn `t tfc ghmmhwila c-k`im `nnrcss4 nhlncaJbhkpuscrvc.bhk Zmc`sc gccm grcc th writc kc witf qucstihls, bhkkclts, britibisks hr `lytfila cmsc. I wimm try ky ocst th aivc ` quibe rcpmy o`be th `ly k`im I rcbcivc. @ohut tfc `utfhr
Rilbc 0961, I f`vc f`n lukcrhus hut-hg-ohny cxpcriclbcs. I f`vc rcbhrncn 0?> hg tfck. I `k `l `vin stunclt hg hbbumtisk, sbiclbc, fisthry, shbi`m sbiclbc, `ln pfimhshpfy. Ky wfhmc hriclt`tihl thw`rns tfc HHOC ilvhmvcs ` philt hg vicw tf`t scces th syltfcsizc sbicltigib sbicltigib `ln hbbumt elhwmcnac. I f`vc ` O`bfcmhrs hg Rbiclbc ncarcc il bfckistry, `ln ` Zf.N. il pfysihmhay. I whre `s ` oihbfckib`m rcsc`rbfcr il tfc gicmn hg bcrcor`m isbfcki` `ln rcpcrgusihl, `ln f`vc puomisfcn ` lukocr hg p`pcrs il tfis `rc`. Rpcbi`m tf`les
Rpcbi`m tf`les ah th E`tfy NcAr`bi`, wfh f`n tfc p`ticlbc `ln cxbcmmclt ar`kk`r seimms th prhhg `ln cnit tfcsc lhtcs. ^f`les `msh ah hut th Dcgg Qimcy, ` gcmmhw tr`vcmcr/nrc`kcr ghr fis fcmpgum suaacstihls, `ln th _imm` Kumncl, syshp hg tfc BIR Lcw @ac Ghruk, ghr aivila kc tfc ikpctus th writc tfcsc lhtcs. Lcw iltrhnubtihl
Rh k`ly pchpmc f`vc nhwlmh`ncn tfis ohhe grhk tfc lct. Rh k`ly pchpmc f`vc thmn kc fhw cggcbtivc tfis ohhe is. I `k bhkpmctcmy `k`zcn. Rh lhw, witf prilt-hl-nck`ln tcbflhmhay, ghr tfc girst tikc cvcr, NHXHOC is `v`im`omc `s ` pfysib`m ohhe!!! Hg bhursc, yhu b`l stimm nhwlmh`n it grhk tfc tfc Lct ghr grcc. Out ig yhu w`lt ` f`lns hl bhpy, fcrc it is. ^fcrc’s occl ` mht hg w`tcr ulncr tfc orinac silbc NHXHOC w`s writ il 099>. hg bhursc, I whl’t whl’t ohrc yhu witf tf`t fcrc. Migc ahcs hl, witf its ups ups `ln nhwls. Ig `lyohny hut tfcrc is `btu`mmy rc`nila tfis, tf`les ghr yhur supphrt. Gccm grcc th act il thubf. ‒ Nhl, ?::7.
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Bf`ptcr 0 Qf`t Is @str`m Zrhdcbtihl8
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cghrc s`yila `lytfila cmsc I whumn miec th tf`le `ln bhlar`tum`tc cvcryhlc wfh is t`eila tfis bm`ss. Qfctfcr yhu elhw it hr lht, oy t`eila `l iltcrcst il `bficvila tfc typcs hg cxpcriclbc wc wimm nisbuss fcrc, yhu `rc hpclila yhurscmg up thyhu. ` arc`tmy cxp`lncn vicwcln hg yhurscmg `ln yhu tfc migc `ln whrmn `rhuln Fhpcgummy, oy tfc hg tfis tfis bm`ss wimm f`vc ` nccp `pprcbi`tihl hg wf`t I kc`l il s`yila tfis. I wisf cvcryhlc tfc ocst hg mube! Qf`t Is @str`m Zrhdcbtihl8
Dust wf`t cx`btmy is `str`m prhdcbtihl8 Qcmm, wc b`l act vcry `b`nckib `ln crunitc `ohut tfis, `ln wc wimm nh tfis th shkc cxtclt ocmhw. Out ghr lhw, ghr st`rtcrs, wf`t wc w`lt th nh is m`y hut ` ncgilitihl hg `str`m prhdcbtihl tf`t is pr`btib`m . ^fcrc `rc lukcrhus w`ys wc b`l vicw `ln ncgilc `str`m prhdcbtihl, out tfc 1
khst bcltr`m philt is tf`t it is `l cxpcriclbc , ` spcbi`m typc hg cxpcriclbc. Lh k`ttcr fhw yhu mhhe `t it, `str`m prhdcbtihl is `l `mtcrcn st`tc hg bhlsbihuslcss . Rh, wf`t is `l `mtcrcn st`tc hg bhlsbihuslcss8 Qcmm, it is ` st`tc hg bhlsbihuslcss tf`t is LH^ hur lhrk`m w`eila st`tc hg bhlsbihuslcss. ^fcrc is hlc `mtcrcn st`tc witf wfibf wc `rc `mm vcry, vcry g`kimi`r `ln tf`t is tfc nrc`ks wc cxpcriclbc wfcl wc smccp `t liaft. Nrc`kila itscmg is `l `mtcrcn st`tc hg bhlsbihuslcss. @ln, `s wc wimm scc `s wc prharcss, nrc`kila `ln `str`m prhdcbtihl `rc vcry bmhscmy rcm`tcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss. Lhw, `str`m prhdcbtihl ahcs ulncr ` v`ricty hg l`kcs. Rhkc htfcr l`kcs ghr tfc `str`m prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc `rc tfc ghmmhwila4 0. mubin nrc`kila, `ln ?. hut-hg-ohny cxpcriclbcs (HHOCs). Rhkc pchpmc wimm nco`tc tf`t `str`m prhdcbtihls, mubin nrc`ks `ln HHOCs `rc niggcrclt tfilas. Qc wimm nisbuss tfcsc nistilbtihls ocmhw. Fhwcvcr, I w`lt th strcss tf`t subf nistilbtihls `khult th spmittila f`irs, `ln `rc lht tf`t ikphrt`lt. Ghr hur purphscs, I wimm usc tfcsc 2 tcrks iltcrbf`lac`omy. ^f`t is, wfctfcr I s`y "`str`m prhdcbtihl", "mubin nrc`k" hr "HHOC", I `k rcgcrrila th tfc s`kc tfila. @btu`mmy, I wimm prho`omy usc HHOC ` mht silbc it is tfc c`sicst th typc. Qf`t is rc`mmy ikphrt`lt is lht wf`t wc b`mm tfc cxpcriclbc, out MC@_LILA GH_ YHS_RCMG FHQ ^H @BFICWC ^FIR CVZC_ICLBC.. @ln cvcrytfila CVZC_ICLBC cvcrytfila I wimm strcss fcrc is ac`rcn th tfis `mm ikphrt`lt cln. Rh, ghr tfc s`ec hg ac`rila `mm tfis th fcmpila yhu `btu`mmy f`vc `l HHOC, tfcrc `rc twh k`il tfilas wc wimm ghbus hl4 tfchry `ln pr`btibc. Yhu lccn th ulncrst`ln ohtf. Citfcr `mhlc is uscmcss. ^fchry oy itscmg is dust ckpty t`me. Zr`btibc witfhut tfchry dust mc`ns th bhlgusihl, `ln il tfc b`sc hg HHOCs, it b`l mc`n th rc`m psybfhmhaib`m n`lacr `s wcmm. Oy tfckscmvcs, HHOCs `rc LH^ n`lacrhus. Fhwcvcr, ig yhu nhl't elhw wf`t yhu `rc nhila, tfcy b`l oc. Rh, yhu lccn tfc tfchry th ulncrst`ln wf`t is ahila hl, `ln yhu lccn tfc pr`btibc th put tfc tfchry ilth `btihl. Rh, il tfis bhursc, wc wimm bhvcr ohtf4 tfchry `ln pr`btibc. Fhwcvcr, `s yhu wimm scc, I pcrshl`mmy mc`l kubf khrc thw`rns tfc pr`btib`m, `ln tfis is wf`t I wimm strcss tfrhuafhut. tfrhuafhut. Qc wimm p`y mip scrvibc scrvibc th tfchry, out `a`il, tfchry is uscmcss witfhut puttila `btihl ocfiln tfc inc`s.
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Gil`mmy, I w`lt th s`y tfis4 I wimm `ttckpt il tfcsc mcsshls th k`ec tfc ilghrk`tihl I prhvinc `s scmg-bhlt`ilcn `s I b`l. ^f`t is, I w`lt th rc`mmy try th prhvinc ` bhkprcfclsivc hvcrvicw hg HHOCs `ln rc`mmy aivc yhu yhur khlcy's whrtf. Fhwcvcr, tfcrc is dust ` trckclnhus `khult hg ilghrk`tihl rcm`tcn th HHOCs. Ghr cx`kpmc, shkc rcm`tcn thpibs `rc tfc ghmmhwila4 fuk`l psybfhmhay, nrc`ks, hbbumtisk, rcmiaihl, kystibisk `ln sbiclbc. I fhpc, tf`t `gtcr tfcsc lhtcs, yhu wimmI act inc` tf`t hg tfcsc thpibsrc`nila `rc rcm`tcn th HHOCs. `kshkc prhvinila `l `mm`llht`tcn oiomihar`pfy hg ohhes tf`t I gccm prhvinc uscgum stuny. @ln I rc`mmy clbhur`ac cvcryhlc th mhhe tfrhuaf tfis oiomihar`pfy `ln th `btu`mmy rc`n shkc hg tfc ohhes mistcn tfcrc. ^fc khrc yhu elhw `ohut HHOCs, tfc octtcr. ^f`t's `mm tfcrc is th it!
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Niggcrclt Wicws hg @str`m Zrhdcbtihls
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h, f`vila s`in ky iltrhnubthry rck`res, mct's mhhe `t tfc v`rihus w`ys pchpmc ncgilc `str`m prhdcbtihls/HHOCs/mubin prhdcbtihls/HHOCs/mu bin nrc`ks. O`sib`mmy, wc b`l nivinc up tfc v`rihus vicwphilts `s ghmmhws4 0. hbbumt vicws, `ln ?. sbicltigib vicws. Qitfil c`bf hg tfcsc orh`n vicws `rc ` lukocr hg suo-vicwphilts, `ln wc wimm kcltihl c`bf hg tfcsc `t mc`st oricgmy. Hbbumt Wicws
Qitfil tfc b`kp hg hbbumt vicws, wc b`l nivinc tfis ilth Qcstcrl `ln C`stcrl hbbumt vicws. Fhwcvcr, wf`t is libc fcrc is tf`t C`stcrl `ln Qcstcrl hbbumtisk `rc vcry sikim`r. Hlc k`y giln niggcrclbcs il sk`mm nct`ims, out tfc aclcr`m vicwphilts `rc vcry sikim`r. Lhw, tfc tcrk "`str`m prhdcbtihl" bhkcs grhk hbbumt vicws hg tfis cxpcriclbc. ^fis tcrk ikpmics tf`t wf`t tfc cxpcriclbc is tfc prhdcbtihl hg hlc's scmg th tfc `str`m pm`lc . Hbbumtists tc`bf tf`t tfc 0:
ulivcrsc is ` scrics hg pm`lcs hg k`ttcr `ln tf`t tfc pfysib`m whrmn wc pcrbcivc witf hur sclscs is out hlc hg ` scrics hg, usu`mmy scvcl, pm`lcs. ^fis is hlc `ssukptihl `ssukptihl hg tfc hbbumt vicw hg tfc whrmn. Fcrc is ` mist hg tfc ikphrt`lt inc`s il tfc hbbumt whrmn-vicw tf`t wimm `mmhw us th ulncrst`ln wf`t tfc tfc tcrk "`str`m prhdcbtihl" kc`ls4 0. Hbbumtists tc`bf tf`t hur bhlsbihuslcss tr`lsbclns hur pfysib`m ohny. ?. Hbbumtists tc`bf tf`t c`bf hg us is `l ikkhrt`m shum wfh f`s tckphr`rimy ilb`rl`tcn ilth tfc pfysib`m whrmn. 2. Hbbumtists tc`bf tf`t tfc ulivcrsc is ` scrics hg pm`lcs. C`bf pm`lc is ` whrmn ulth itscmg. >. Hbbumtists tc`bf tf`t c`bf hg us f`s g`bimitics ghr iltcr`btila witf `t mc`st > hg tfcsc pm`lcs. ^fcsc g`bimitics `rc b`mmcn "vcfibmcs" hr "ohnics" `ln wc f`vc ghur hg tfck4 ` pfysib`m ohny ghr iltcr`btila witf tfc pfysib`m whrmn (hr pm`lc), `l `str`m ohny ghr iltcr`btila witf tfc `str`m whrmn/pm`lc, ` kclt`m ohny ghr iltcr`btila witf tfc kclt`m whrmn/pm`lc `ln ` ounnfib ohny ghr iltcr`btila witf tfc ounnfib whrmn/pm`lc. Ocghrc wc ah ilth tfcsc inc`s il khrc nct`im, mct kc s`y tfis. ^h `l hbbumtist, tfc `bt hg `str`m prhdcbtila clt`ims tr`lsgcrrila hlc's bhlsbihuslcss th tfc `str`m ohny `ln cxpmhrila tfc `str`m pm`lc. @ln `msh mct kc s`y tf`t, `s g`r `s tfchry ahcs, tfis is tfc tfchry I `sbrioc th. Aclcr`mmy spc`eila, tfc hbbumt inc`s `rc tfc khst pr`btib`m inc`s yhu b`l usc th ulncrst`ln wf`t is f`ppclila th yhu wfcl yhu f`vc `l HHOC. Rh, mct's ah ilth tfcsc inc`s ` mittmc mittmc nccpcr `ln spcmm hut tfcir ikpmib`tihls. ikpmib`tihls. Ghr gurtfcr gurtfcr rc`nila hl tfcsc thpibs, scc tfc ohhes oy Bf`rmcs Mc`noc`tcr `ln @llic Ocs`lt il tfc oiomihar`pfy. Girst tfila tf`t lccns th oc s`in4 tfc hbbumt inc`s gmy il tfc g`bc hg cvcrytfila wc'vc occl t`uaft `ohut wf`t it is th oc ` fuk`l ocila fcrc il @kcrib` il tfc m`tc ?:tf bcltury. @bbhrnila th hur bhkkhl shbi`m shbi`m ocmicgs, wc `rc citfcr `tfcists/k`tcri`mists wfh nh lht tfile tfcrc is `ly subf tfila `s ` "shum", hr wc wcrc r`iscn witf sikpmc-kilncn inc`s `ohut Ahn, Fc`vcl `ln `ln Fcmm. Fcmm. Hbbumt inc`s bf`mmclac ohtf hg tfcsc vicwphilts, `ln tfc oc`uty hg mc`rlila th `str`m prhdcbt is tf`t yhu put yhurscmg y hurscmg il ` phsitihl th nctcrkilc wfh is riaft `ln wrhla hl tfcsc issucs. Rh, ig tfc ghmmhwila ghmmhwila inc`s `rc ulg`kimi`r th yhu, pmc`sc oc prcp`rcn th f`vc yhur bhlbcpts `ohut rc`mity arc`tmy cxp`lncn! 00
^fc o`sis hg hbbumt tc`bfilas is tfis4 tfc sclscs hg hur pfysib`m ohny5 hur c`rs, cycs, t`stc, gccmila, sclscs hg fc`t `ln o`m`lbc, skcmm, tfcsc sclscs ncgilc ghr us tfc pfysib`m whrmn. ^f`t is th s`y, hur pfysib`m sclscs, oy ncgilitihl , hlmy `mmhw us th pcrbcivc tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Fhwcvcr, `bbhrnila th hbbumt tc`bfilas, ^FC_C @_C CLC_AICR ^F@^ CVIR^ ^F@^ QC B@LLH^ ZC_BCIWC QI^F HS_ ZFYRIB@M RCLRCR. Il ` lutsfcmm, inc` hg ulncrmics `mm yhu hg hbbumtisk, wf`tcvcr p`rtibum`r tfis sbfhhm tfhuaft miec ocst ilbmunila (i.c., ^fchshpfy, Fcrkitibs, Z`a`lisk, @mbfcky, ctb., ctb.). Lhw, tfc inc` tf`t clcraics cxist tf`t wc b`llht pcrbcivc is lh oia lcws. Cvcryhlc elhws `ohut x-r`ys, `ohut r`nih`btivity, `ohut umtr`-vihmct r`ni`tihl. ^fcsc clcraics wc b`l nctcbt witf k`bfilcs, out lht witf hur pfysib`m sclscs. Fhwcvcr, wfcrc tfc hbbumtist "ahcs hvcr tfc cnac", sh th spc`e, is witf tfc bm`ik tf`t QC FSK@LR B@L ZC_BCIWC ^FCRC CLC_AICR QI^FHS^ ^FC @IN HG K@BFILCR. Fhwcvcr, th ulncrst`ln tfis wc lccn th ah ilth tfc inc`s hg tfc vcfibmcs/ohnics, inc`s tf`t g`mm ulncr tfc fc`nila hg "hbbumt `l`thky". Hbbumt `l`thky is tfc inc` st`tcn `ohvc, tf`t wc fuk`ls f`vc khrc ohnics tf`l wc b`l nircbtmy pcrbcivc4 tf`t wc f`vc, lht hlmy ` pfysib`m ohny, out `l `str`m ohny, ` kclt`m ohny `ln ` ounnfib ohny, `s wcmm. C`bf hg tfcsc ohnics cxists cxists hl its its rcspcbtivc pm`lc. Rh, ocghrc wc b`l ah hgg `ohut `ohut tfc ohnics, wc kust nisbuss nisbuss tfc inc` hg tfc pm`lcs. ^fc hbbumt pm`lcs hg l`turc b`l oc tfhuaft hg `s hbbumt pfysibs. Ghr tfc inc` hg tfc pm`lcs phsits phsits tf`t tf`t tfcrc `rc wfhmc wfhmc whrmns hg clcraics ocyhln tfc ecl hg hur pcrbcptihl, clcraics hg wfibf khncrl sbicltists `rc bhkpmctcmy ialhr`lt. @a`il, wc `rc gmyila il tfc g`bc hg bhkkhl elhwmcnac. Rurc, sbicltists ar`lt tf`t tfcrc `rc x-r`ys, r`nih`btivity, umtr`vihmct r`ni`tihl, `ln cvcl ilgilitcmy kilutc whrmns hg suo`thkib p`rtibmcs `ln lcutrilhs. Out th s`y tf`t tfcrc `rc wfhmc whrmns, gumm hg migc `ln `btivity `ln str`lac brc`turcs, tf`t cxist ocyhln tfc ecl hg hur pfysib`m sclscs is ` bhkpmctc `osurnity th tfc khncrl sbicltist. Fhwcvcr, tfis is cx`btmy wf`t tfc pm`lcs `rc. C`bf pm`lc is ` whrmn, ` ai`lt whrmn gumm hg `mm eilns hg str`lac `ln cxhtib pm`bcs `ln brc`turcs witf siafts `ln shulns tf`t nw`rg `lytfila wc elhw hg fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. 0?
I sfhumn philt hut thh tf`t tfcrc `rc htfcr l`kcs yhu kiaft fc`r hg tf`t rcgcr th tfc pm`lcs. Rubf tcrks `rc4 "nikclsihls", "`ctfyrs", "mhe`s". "mhe`s". "rc`mks". C`bf hg tfcsc tcrks cssclti`mmy kc`ls "pm`lc" hr "whrmn". Lhw, `a`il, `ln th eccp yhur iltcrcst `t tfis philt, mct kc rckiln yhu tf`t hlbc yhu mc`rl th `str`m prhdcbt ghr yhurscmg, tfcl yhu b`l nctcrkilc wfctfcr hr lht tfis is `mm sh kubf g`lt`sy `ln os. Eccpila tfis il kiln, mct's ncgilc tfcsc pm`lcs ` mittmc octtcr. Il tfc khst bhkkhlmy `bbcptcn sbfckcs hg tfc pm`lcs, it is t`uaft tf`t tfcrc `rc scvcl pm`lcs `ln tf`t wc fuk`ls b`l `bbcss tfc > mhwcst pm`lcs. ^fc bhkkhl l`kcs hg tfc scvcl pm`lcs `rc4 0. Zfysib`m Zm`lc (wfibf ilbmuncs tfc Ctfcrib Zm`lc) ?. @str`m Zm`lc 2. Kclt`m Zm`lc
>. Ounnfib Zm`lc 3. @tkib Zm`lc 7. @lup`n`e` Zm`lc 1. @ni Zm`lc Lhw, mct's ncgilc c`bf hg tfcsc pm`lcs. 0. Zfysib`m Zm`lc. ^fis is tfc whrmn yhu `rc sittila il riaft lhw. ^fc pfysib`m pm`lc is tfc g`kimi`r whrmn hg hur cvcryn`y migc. migc. Il tfc hbbumt sbfckc, tfcrc `rc `spcbts hg tfc pfysib`m whrmn tf`t `rc ilvisiomc th hur sclscs, `ln tfcsc ilvisiomc `spcbts hg tfc pfysib`m pm`lc `rc `rc b`mmcn tfc "Ctfcrib pm`lc". @ohvc I kcltihlcn kcltihlcn xr`ys, r`nih`btivity, umtr`vihmct r`ni`tihl `ln suo`thkib p`rtibmcs. Il tfc hbbumt whrmn-vicw, tfcsc clcraics `rc "Ctfcrib" clcraics, `ln `a`il, tfis sikpmy kc`ls tfcsc `rc clcraics hg tfc pfysib`m pm`lc tf`t wc b`llht pcrbcivc witf tfc sclscs hg hur pfysib`m ohny. @s wc wimm nisbuss ocmhw, `ln is `btu`mmy quitc ikphrt`lt th tfc clnc`vhr hg `str`m prhdcbtila, hbbumtists bm`ik wc f`vc ` ohny k`nc hg Ctfcrib clcraics clcraics `ln tfcy b`mm b`mm tfis hur "Ctfcrib ohny". It is vcry miecmy tf`t k`ly hg yhu wimm `btu`mmy f`vc cxpcriclbcs il yhur 02
Ctfcrib ohny hlbc yhu st`rt `ttckptila th prhdcbt. @a`il, tfis wimm `mm oc cxpm`ilcn il nuc bhursc. ?. ^fc @str`m Zm`lc. ^fc `str`m pm`lc is ncsbriocn hg `s ` whrmn hg ckhtihl `ln ncsirc. Hl tfis pm`lc hur ckhtihls `ln ncsircs `rc `btu`mmy mivila brc`turcs . @msh, `bbhrnila th hbbumtists, tfc `str`m pm`lc is wfcrc pchpmc ah ikkcni`tcmy `gtcr tfcy nic. "Nc`n pchpmc" (`btu`mmy, "nisb`rl`tc" pchpmc) nh lht st`y ghrcvcr hl tfc `str`m pm`lc, it is hlmy ` tckphr`ry sthp `gtcr nc`tf. Il tfis rca`rn, tfc inc` hg "pura`thry" is rcm`tcn th tfc inc` hg tfc `str`m pm`lc. @msh hl tfc `str`m pm`lc `rc ` wfhmc fhst hg brc`turcs `ln ilf`oit`lts tf`t `rc l`tivc th tf`t pm`lc, subf `s g`ircs, ncv`s, `ln htfcr subf tfilas. Ocmicvc it hr lht, `bbhrnila th hbbumtists, tfc `str`m pm`lc is `msh wfcrc wc ah `t liaft wfcl wc nrc`k. Qfcl yhu `rc il ` nrc`k, yhu `rc quitc mitcr`mmy il tfc `str`m pm`lc. ^fis is ` vcry ikphrt`lt inc`, `ln m`tcr hl, wfcl wc ocail nisbussila tcbfliqucs ghr `str`m prhdcbtila, yhu wimm scc fhw ikphrt`lt tfis inc` is. 2. ^fc Kclt`m Zm`lc. ^fc kclt`m pm`lc is tfc whrmn hg `mm tfhuafts `ln inc`s. Hl tfc kclt`m pm`lc, tfhuafts `rc _C@M HODCB^R , `ln tfcsc hodcbts `rc b`mmcn "^FHSAF^-GH_KR". "^fhuafts `rc tfilas" is ` bhkkhl inc` il hbbumtisk, `ln tfis inc` rcgcrs th tfc g`bt tf`t tfhuaft-ghrks cxist `s rc`m mivc tfilas hl tfc kclt`m pm`lc. ^fc kclt`m pm`lc is ` nyl`kib`mmy orimmi`lt w whrmn hrmn hg cvcr-sfigtila `ostr`bt hg pcrshl bhmhr, ah shuln siafts tf`t whumn prho`omy k`ec m`lnsb`pcs tfc hrnil`ry st`re`ln r`vila k`n ig tfcy bhumn `btu`mmy scc tfc kclt`m pm`lc ghr wf`t it is. ^fc kclt`m pm`lc hvcrm`ps suost`lti`mmy witf tfc `str`m pm`lc, `ln tfcrc is cvcry ahhn bf`lbc yhu wimm scc lukcrhus tfhuaft-ghrks `s yhu mc`rl th `str`m prhdcbt. Fhwcvcr, bf`lbcs `rc vcry ahhn tf`t yhu wimm LH^ cvcr pcrbcivc tfc kclt`m pm`lc `s nistilbt grhk tfc `str`m pm`lc, sh bf`lbcs `rc ahhn yhu wimm lcvcr scc tfc stugg tf`t bhumn k`ec yhu mhsc yhur kiln. ^fc rc`shl tfis is sh is ocb`usc it t`ecs ` mht hg t`mclt th act th tfc kclt`m pm`lc. I pcrshl`mmy f`vc lcvcr occl tfcrc `ln `k hlmy ncsbrioila th yhu 0>
wf`t I f`vc rc`n `ohut it. @a`il, wc wimm s`y khrc `ohut tfis tfrhuafhut tfcsc lhtcs. >. ^fc Ounnfib Zm`lc. @bbhrnila th hbbumt inc`s, tfis is tfc fiafcst pm`lc tf`t wc b`l `bbcss `s fuk`ls, witfil tfc bhltcxt hg wf`t wc ulncrst`ln `s ` "fuk`l ocila". Il cggcbt, tfc tfc ounnfib pm`lc is tfc rc`mk hg hur shum. ^fc clcraics hg tfc ounnfib pm`lc tf`t wc usc il hur n`imy migc `rc tfc ghmmhwila4 ilspir`tihl, arc`t brc`tivity, bhkp`ssihl, wisnhk, wimm-phwcr. It is oy tfcsc typcs hg ocf`vihrs tf`t tfc ounnfib pm`lc "mc`es" ilth hur rcaum`r pfysib`m mivcs. Il `ln hg itscmg, tfc ounnfib pm`lc is suprckcmy `ostr`bt `ln cxtrckcmy phwcrgum. phwcrgum. Dust miec miec tfc kclt`m pm`lc, it is vcry ulmiecmy tf`t yhu wimm cvcr ah th tfc ounnfib pm`lc il ` prhdcbtihl. It t`ecs cvcl khrc t`mclt th ghbus yhur bhlsbihuslcss cxbmusivcmy hl tfc ounnfib pm`lc tf`l it nhcs ghr tfc kclt`m pm`lc. Fhwcvcr, mc`rlila th `bbcss tfc clcraics hg tfc ounnfib pm`lc wimm oc britib`m ghr yhur bhltilucn subbcss `str`m prhdcbtila. Il ` lutsfcmm, tfc ounnfib pm`lc rcprcsclts cvcrytfila tf`t k`ecs fuk`l migc ahhn. ^fc khrc hg tfis yhu f`vc il yhur `ur` (wc wimm nisbuss `ur` ocmhw), tfc "miaftcr" yhu wimm oc il yhur bhlsbihuslcss, `ln tfcrcghrc, yhu wimm oc `omc th tr`vcm tfrhuaf ` orh`ncr r`lac hg tfc pm`lcs tf`l htfcrwisc. htfcrwisc. Hl tfc htfcr f`ln, tfc mcss ounnfib clcray yhu f`vc il yhur `ur`, tfc f`rncr it wimm oc ghr yhu th `str`m prhdcbt, `ln `s wcmm, yhu wimm prhdcbt ilth uamy rcaihls hg tfc pm`lcs, `ln il aclcr`m, prho`omy furt yhurscmg il tfc `ttckpt th prhdcbt. K`yoc lht furt yhurscmg pfysib`mmy, out ckhtihl`mmy `ln kclt`mmy. Ocghrc ahila hl `ohut tfc "fiafcst" tfrcc pm`lcs, I w`lt th niarcss hl wf`t wimm oc `l ikphrt`lt tfckc tfrhuafhut tfcsc lhtcs, `ln tfis is tfc pm`bc th nh it5 il tfc bhltcxt hg tfc ounnfib pm`lc. Il cggcbt, tfc ounnfib pm`lc is rcm`tcn th khr`ms, wisnhk `ln brc`tivity. ^fcsc `rc vcry ikphrt`lt qu`mitics lh k`ttcr wf`t `btivity yhu w`lt th ulncrt`ec. Il tfis rca`rn, `str`m prhdcbtihl is lh cxbcptihl. Lhw, `ohvc, I s`in `str`m prhdcbtihl is hlmy n`lacrhus ig yhu `rc ialhr`lt `ohut wf`t is ahila hl. Lhw it is tikc th cxpm`il wf`t tfis kc`ls. Yhu f`vc th rc`mizc str`iaft up tf`t `str`m prhdcbtihl t`ecs
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@ORHMS^CMY _C@M . @mm yhur inc`s, gc`rs, g`lt`sics, ocbhkc 03
rc`m tfilas hutsinc hutsinc hg yhu wfcl yhu prhdcbt. Rcc, wfcl yhu prhdcbt, yhu wimm oc shkcwfcrc, `ln il tfis shkcwfcrc (wfctfcr wc b`mm it ` "pm`lc" hr wf`tcvcr) `mm tfc tfilas yhu tfile `rc suodcbtivc wimm ocbhkc hodcbtivc ! Qf`t tfis kc`ls il pr`btib`m tcrks is tf`t, tf`t, wfcl yhu `str`m prhdcbt, yhu wimm bhlgrhlt yhurscmg, yhur hwl pcrshl`mity, il w`ys tf`t `rc tht`mmy niggcrclt tf`l fhw yhu rcm`tc th yhurscmg wfcl `w`ec fcrc il tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Ghr cx`kpmc, ig yhu f`vc pfhoi`s il yhur pcrshl`mity, k`yRubf ocbhkc khlstcrs tf`t th `tt`be yhu il yhur `str`m prhdcbtihl. prhdtfcsc cbtihl. `l cxpcriclbc wimm try khrc miecmy tf`l lht sb`rc tfc **** hut hg yhu, `ln, ig yhu nhl't ulncrst`ln wf`t's ahila hl, subf `l cxpcriclbc k`y bhkpmctcmy sb`rc yhu `w`y grhk `str`m prhdcbtila cvcr `a`il. Rh, its CV^_CKCMY ikphrt`lt tf`t yhu ulncrst`ln tf`t, il ` sclsc, nurila ` prhdcbtihl, yhur pcrshl`mity is "hutsinc" hg yhu, `ln lht "ilsinc" hg yhu `s it `ppc`rs th oc fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Il ` vcry strhla sclsc, `str`m prhdcbtila is ` ghrk hg tfcr`py, hg scmgtfcr`py. Qfcl yhu iliti`mmy ocail th prhdcbt, tfc girst tfilas yhu wimm clbhultcr wimm oc tfilas hg yhur hwl brc`tihl. Rhkc `utfhrs rcgcr th tfis `s kcctila tfc "nwcmmcr hl tfc tfrcsfhmn". @a`il, tfis "Nwcmmcr" is `mm tfc pctty, `mm tfc o`n, `mm tfc gc`r tf`t yhu f`vc il yhu. I'k lht myila `ohut tfis citfcr - it f`s f`ppclcn th kc. It's ` st`ac yhu vcry miecmy wimm clbhultcr. Il ` sclsc, `mm tfcsc lca`tivc cmckclts hg yhur pcrshl`mity `rc miec ` w`mm hr rhhk il tfc `str`m pm`lc, tf`t yhu wimm ah th wfcl wfcl yhu girst girst ocail th th prhdcbt. It is ikpcr`tivc tf`t yhu rc`mizc tf`t tfis is YHS. ^fcrc is lhtfila th oc `gr`in hg ocb`usc it IR yhu. Yhu f`vc bhkpmctc bhltrhm hvcr tfcsc cmckclts. YHS B@L O@LIRF ^FCK RIKZMY OY SLNC_R^@LNI SLNC_R^@LNILA LA scmg ^FCK GH_ QF@^ @_C. bhlsbihuslcss hg yhur is miec ` fc`mila girc^FCY tf`t b`l ourl Yhur `w`y tfcsc lca`tivc cmckclts oy ulncrst`lnila tfck. Hlbc yhu bhlgrhlt tfcsc lca`tivc `spcbts hg yhur scmg, tfcy wimm nis`ppc`r `ln yhu wimm f`vc arhwl witf lcw scmg-ilsiaft. ^fis arhwila is b`mmcn "k`turila", `ln hbburs ocb`usc hg ounnfib pm`lc clcraics. It t`ecs wimm-phwcr th bhlgrhlt tfcsc tfilas il yhurscmg, `ln it t`ecs wisnhk `ln bhkp`ssihl th scc tfck ghr wf`t tfcy `rc `ln th `bbcpt tfck. Rh, hlc w`y hr `lhtfcr, `lyhlc `spirila th `str`m prhdcbt wimm vcry miecmy oc bhlgrhltcn witf tfis "nwcmmcr hl tfc tfrcsfhmn". Oy nc`mila witf witf it, yhu act p`st it, it, `ln yhu arhw. @ln tfcl, `gtcr tfis girst st`ac is p`sscn, yhur cxpcriclbcs hl tfc pm`lcs wimm lht oc 07
`s bhlt`kil`tcn oy pcrshl`m g`bthrs. @s tfc pcrshl`m g`bthrs ocbhkc mcss ` p`rt hg yhur `str`m prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbcs, tfcl yhur cxpcriclbcs tfcrc wimm rcgmcbt khrc bmc`rmy tfcsc pm`lcs `s tfcy hodcbtivcmy cxist, ulbhlt`kil`tcn oy yhur suobhlsbihus ilgmuclbcs. ^fis prhbcss is miec bmc`lila hgg ` wilnhw. ^fc bmc`lcr tfc wilnhw is, tfc octtcr yhu b`l scc tfrhuaf it. Miecwisc, wfcl yhu prhdcbt, tfc bmc`lcr yhur pcrshl`mity is, tfc octtcr yhu wimm oc `omc th scc tfrhuaf it ilth tfc pm`lcs. Qfibf mc`ns kc th st`tc `l ikphrt`lt inc` I f`vc lht st`tcn yct, `ln tf`t is tf`t tfc pm`lcs `rc cxtrckcmy pm`stib. ^fcy `rc khmncn oy yhur smiaftcst ckhtihl, ncsirc hr tfhuaft. ^fc scbhln yhu tfile shkctfila, ` mittmc picbc hg tfc kclt`m pm`lc is sf`pcn cx`btmy ilth yhur tfhuaft p`ttcrl, k`eila ` tfhuaft-ghrk. ^fis is cx`btmy wfy yhur iliti`m cxpcriclbcs prhdcbtila wimm oc sh cxtrckcmy bhmhrcn oy yhur pcrshl`mity. Rh, tf`t's it ghr `l iltrhnubtihl th tfc khr`m sinc hg `str`m prhdcbtila. Slmiec `mkhst `ly htfcr `btivity wc fuk`ls elhw hg, yhu B@LLH^ oc ` khr`m rct`rn `ln subbccn prhdcbtila.ilYhu b`l oc ` khr`m rct`rn (i.c. f`vc lh khr`m v`mucs `t wf`tshcvcr) `rt, sbiclbc, ousilcss (wfcrc yhu `btu`mmy f`vc `l `nv`lt`ac!) hr htfcr `btivitics hg migc, out yhu b`llht ig yhu w`lt th subbccn `str`m prhdcbtila. Ig yhu NH try th prhdcbt `ln `t tfc s`kc tikc st`y khr`mmy phvcrty stribecl, wcmm, it is tfcl tf`t `str`m prhdcbtihl b`l oc n`lacrhus. It is dust ouimt miec tfis. ^fhuaf khr`ms scck miec suodcbtivc ahoomy ahhp il hur pfysib`m migc, tfcy `rc, il rc`mity, tfc m`ws uphl wfibf hur cltirc fuk`l cxistclbc cxistclbc is o`scn. Dust `s wc lccn th elhw tfc m`ws hg ar`vity th ouimn ` sp`bcsfip, wc miecwisc lccn th elhw tfc m`ws hg khr`m ocf`vihr th th subbccn `t @LY @LY hbbumt hbbumt t`se. t`se. ^fc hlmy hlmy tikc hbbumtisk is n`lacrhus is ig yhu usc it il `l `khr`m g`sfihl. @ln nhl't whrry, yhu nhl't lccn th ghmmhw ` p`rtibum`r brccn hr nhak` hr `lytfila miec tf`t. ^fc oc`uty hg `str`m prhdcbtila is tf`t yhu wimm giln hut CV@B^MY wf`t YHS lccn th arhw. Yhu `rc uliquc, yhur lccns `rc uliquc `ln sh wimm oc yhur prhdcbtihls. ^fc kcss`acs tfcy wimm bhlt`il wimm oc CV@B^MY wf`t YHS lccn `t wf`tcvcr st`ac yhu `rc `t il yhur migc. Rikpmy trust tfc prhbcss, ah witf it, `ln it wimm whre gilc. @mm yhu f`vc th nh is oc fhlcst witf yhurscmg. Rh, tf`t s`in, mct's act o`be th ncsbrioila tfc pm`lcs4
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3. @tkib pm`lc. Hl tfis pm`lc, wf`t wc tfile hg `s "fuk`l" lh mhlacr k`ecs `ly sclsc. ^fcrc `rc lh ilnivinu`m pcrshl`mitics hl tfis pm`lc. Rctf, grhk tfc Rctf k`tcri`m oy D`lc _hocrts, rcgmcbts wf`t tfc @tkib pm`lc is miec. Fcrc, bhlsbihuslcss cxists `s tfc sikumt`lchus cxpcriclbc hg ` lukocr hg ilb`rl`tihls. Rurc, wc b`l s`y tfc bhlbcpt c`sy clhuaf, `ln cvcl ulncrst`ln iltcmmcbtu`mmy tfc inc`. Fhwcvcr, tfc `btu`m nircbt cxpcriclbc hg tfis st`tc is bhlsbihuslcss tht`mmy hutsinc hurs hl sbhpc. Hvcr tfcl hur fc`n! hgIg bhlsbihuslcss yhu b`l act yhur bhlsbihu slcss thhgghbus ghbu tfis mcvcm, "yhu" wimm lh mhlacr cxist! Ahhn Mube! 7. @lup`n`e` Zm`lc. Cvcl khrc `ostr`bt tf`l tfc @tkib pm`lc. Fcrc cvcrytfila omccns ilth cvcrytfila cmsc. Cxtr`hrnil`rimy `ostr`bt! @a`il, wc kiaft bhlbcptu`mizc tfc inc` hg cvcrytfila ocila ` p`rt hg cvcrytfila cmsc, out hl tfis pm`lc, tf`t's tfc w`y it is ! Lh nu`misks citfcr - `mm tfc bhltr`nibtihls `rc ilsinc hg c`bf htfcr! Kiln B`lny! Hvcrmh`n!!!!! @a`il, ahhn mube hut fcrc! 1. @ni pm`lc. Ahn is fcrc. Ig @tkib `ln @lup`n`e` wcrc wcirn, wcmm, tfis is tfc wcirncst hg 'ck `mm. Bhkpmctcmy ocyhln `lytfila wc fuk`ls b`l s`y, nh, gccm, tfile, ctb. Yct, @ni is tfc vcry cssclbc hg cvcrytfila. Mhhe ghr tfc oimmoh`rns witf `mm tfc arc`t kystib's l`kcs hl tfck!=a< I b`l s`y tfis tfhuaf, tfc khrc ounnfib clcray yhu f`vc il yhur `ur`, tfc octtcr ` gccm yhu act ghr @ni.
tf`t's ` rhuaf rul nhbtrilc. nhwl hg @a`il, tfc 1 k`dhr pm`lcs hur ulivcrscRh, `bbhrnila th hbbumt ig yhu'vc lht hgfc`rn tfcsc inc`s ocghrc, tfcl it's quitc ` kilngum th sw`mmhw `mm `t hlbc `ln wf`t's whrsc, I'k lht nhlc w witf itf tfc hbbumt inc`s inc`s yct! Ghr tfhsc hg yhu g`kimi`r witf tfcsc inc`s, ghraivc kc ig I'vc mcgt hut ` nct`im hr twh grhk yhur g`vhritc sbfck`t`. It w`s lht ky iltcltihl th oc `mm clbhkp`ssila fcrc, out sikpmy th prhvinc clhuaf o`bearhuln ghr m`tcr nisbussihls. nisbussihls. @ln I'n I'n miec th quibemy quibemy s`y tf`t I'vc I'vc ilbmuncn `ttckpts `t ncgilila tfc @tkib, @lup`n`e` `ln @ni pm`lcs sikpmy ocb`usc I'k sibe hg sccila mists hg tfc pm`lcs tf`t st`tc sikpmy "wc b`llht ulncrst`ln tfcsc m`st 2 pm`lcs" hr "ocyhln fuk`l bhkprcfclsihl". Rurc, il tcrks hg hur nircbt cxpcriclbc, tfcsc st`tckclts `ohut tfc 2 fiafcst pm`lcs `rc truc. Fhwcvcr, `s ky 06
cxpcriclbc witf hbbumt k`ttcrs f`s prharcsscn, I f`vc ncvcmhpcn tfc `ohvc iltuitihls `ohut tfc l`turc hg tfcsc pm`lcs, `ln, yhu b`l t`ec tfck ghr wf`t tfcy `rc whrtf th yhu. Rh, `bbhrnila th hbbumt inc`s, tfcrc `rc tfcsc 1 pm`lcs. Qc b`l't scc tfck, out tfcy `rc tfcrc lhlctfcmcss. @ln, th rcpc`t, hbbumtists usc tfcsc inc`s th cxpm`il tfc l`turc hg ohtf nc`tf `ln nrc`ks, `s wcmm `s `str`m prhdcbtihl `ln `mm htfcr psybfib phwcrs, ilbmunila bm`irvhy`lbc, psybfhkctry `ln wf`tcvcr htfcr g`vhritc psybfib phwcrs yhu w`lt th `nn th tfc mist. Rh, wc f`vc ncgilcn tfc pm`lcs. Lhw mct us ncgilc tfc vcfibmcs hr "ohnics" wc phsscss ghr iltcr`btila witf tfc pm`lcs. @bbhrnila th hbbumt tfchry, wc f`vc 3 ohnics. ^fcsc `rc4 0. ^fc Zfysib`m Ohny ?. ^fc Ctfcrib Ohny
2. ^fc @str`m Ohny >. ^fc Kclt`m Ohny 3. ^fc Ounnfib Ohny Lhw, wfcl wc ncgilc tfcsc ohnics, wc kust ncgilc tfck grhk twh pcrspcbtivcs `t tfc s`kc tikc. ^fc girst pcrspcbtivc is fhw tfcsc niggcrclt ohnics k`ligcst il hur lhrk`m w`eila migc, `ln tfc scbhln pcrspcbtivc is th ncgilc tfcsc ohnics il tcrks hg ghbusila yhur bhlsbihuslcss cxbmusivcmy il tf`t ohny `ln usila it `s ` vcfibmc ghr pcrbcivila its rcspcbtivc pm`lc. @msh, it's ikphrt`lt th s`y `t tfc st`rt tf`t, il `mm rc`mity, tfcsc givc ohnics `rc hlc ohny. ^fcsc ohnics hpcr`tc sikumt`lchusmy `ln `rc fiafmy iltcar`tcn. iltcar`tcn. Qfimc wc `rc `w`ec fcrc il tfc pfysib`m pm`lc, wc f`vcl't tfc smiaftcst bmuc tf`t wc f`vc tfcsc givc ohnics ocb`usc tfcy c`bf whre sh skhhtfmy thactfcr tf`t `mm wc rcbhalizc is hur uligicn pcrbcptihl `ln cxpcriclbc. Il `btu`mity, tfcsc 3 ohnics rcprcsclt tfc k`dhr GSLB^IHLR wc f`vc `s fuk`l ocilas. Grhk tfc st`lnphilt hg hur lhrk`m w`eila migc, it is `mkhst `roitr`ry th ncgilc tfc fuk`l ocila il tcrks hg tfcsc 3 ohnics. Fhwcvcr, it is il tfcir utimity ghr cxpm`ilila `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss tf`t tfc ncgilitihls hg tfcsc ohnics wimm oc ghuln th 09
oc vcry uscgum. uscgum. ^fus, hlbc wc act khrc khrc ilth tfc spcbigibs hg `str`m prhdcbtila, wc wimm scc fhw uscgum tfis sbfckc hg 3 ohnics is. @ln wf`t wc wimm scc thh is tf`t ncgilila fuk`l l`turc il tcrks hg tfcsc 3 ohnics wimm put us il `l cxbcmmclt phsitihl th ulncrst`ln vcry bmc`rmy hur lhrk`m migc fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Rh, f`vila s`in tfis, mct's nisbuss c`bf ohny il turl. 0. ^fc Zfysib`m Ohny. ^fis is tfc ohny tf`t wc elhw. ^fis is tfc ohny witf cycs `ln c`rs, f`lns `ln gcct, iltcrl`m hra`ls, ` or`il `ln lcrvhus systck. ^fis is hur hra`lib ohny k`nc hg khmcbumcs `ln cmcbtribity, pums`tila witf tfc mivila clcraics hg tfc C`rtf `ln Rul. ^fc ocst w`y th tfile hg yhur pfysib`m ohny is tf`t it is miec ` ^W sct. @s ` ^W sct `mmhws yhu th tulc ilth spcbigib bf`llcms, miecwisc yhur pfysib`m ohny `mmhws yhu (i.c. yhur bhlsbihuslcss) th tulc ilth tfc pfysib`m whrmn. @s ` k`ttcr hg g`bt, tfis is fhw yhu sfhumn tfile hg `mm 3 ohnics. C`bf ohny is ` "tulcr" tf`t `mmhws us th tulc ilth tfc pm`lc bhrrcsphlnila th tf`t ohny. Rh, yhur pfysib`m ohny pcrbcivcs tfc pfysib`m whrmn hg 2-N sp`bc `ln 0 nikclsihl`m tikc. I s`in `ohvc tf`t wc lccn th vicw c`bf ohny grhk twh pcrspcbtivcs4 0. il tcrks hg lhrk`m w`eila cxpcriclbc, `ln ?. il tcrks hg `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss. Ghr tfc pfysib`m ohny, it is tfc hlmy ohny wc nircbtmy pcrbcivc wfimc `w`ec il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. @ln wfcl wc `rc il `l `mtcrcn st`tc hg bhlsbihuslcss (subf `s nrc`ks), wc pcrbcivc ^fcrcHlbc `rc cxbcptihls th tfis lh m`stmhlacr st`tckclt, outtfc il pfysib`m aclcr`m, ohny. it is truc. wc act ilth tcbfliqucs ghr ilnubila `str`m prhdcbtihls, yhu wimm scc tf`t hlc w`y th "mc`vc" yhur ohny clt`ims mhsila bhlsbihuslcss hg yhur pfysib`m ohny wfimc `t tfc s`kc tikc a`ilila bhlsbihuslcss hg yhur `str`m hr Ctfcrib ohny. ?. ^fc Ctfcrib Ohny. @s w`s st`tcn `ohvc, hbbumtists bhlsincr tfc Ctfcrib pm`lc th oc tfc ilvisiomc `spcbts hg tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Rh tfcl, it ghmmhws tf`t hur Ctfcrib ohny is tfcl tfc ilvisiomc p`rts hurmhhe pfysib`m ^h tfis. aivc yhu `l inc` yhu hg wf`t Ctfcrib ohny hg k`y miec ohny. bhlsincr Fhpcgummy f`vchur sccl fhw ?:
ar`ils hg irhl wimm milc up `rhuln ` k`alct, `mialila witf tfc k`alctib gicmn milcs. Qcmm, ohtf hur fc`rts `ln hur or`ils or`ils `rc vcry cmcbtrib`m hra`ls tf`t `rc bhlst`ltmy ckittila cmcbtrib`m gicmns. ^fcsc gicmns ckittcn oy tfc fc`rt `ln or`il `rc ilvisiomc th hur sclscs, out `rc c`simy kc`surcn oy k`bfilcs (wfibf is wf`t tfc CEAs `ln CCAs uscn oy nhbthrs `rc). Ig yhu bhumn mitcr`mmy pcrbcivc tfcsc cmcbtrib`m gicmns tf`t bhkc grhk yhur or`il `ln fc`rt, yhu whumn oc sccila p`rt hg yhur Ctfcrib ohny. @msh, tfcrc is cmcbtribity bhlst`ltmy pumsila `mhla tfc lcrvcs tfrhuafhut hur cltirc ohny. @a`il, wc b`llht nircbtmy pcrbcivc tfcsc gmhwila lcrvc clcraics, out tfcy `rc tfcrc lhlctfcmcss. @ln `a`il, tfcsc lcrvc clcraics `rc ` p`rt hg hur Ctfcrib ohny. @s ` k`ttcr hg g`bt, tfhuaf shkc k`y nco`tc tfis, tfc `bupulbturc bf`rts hg ^`ltr` tr`nitihls `rc bf`rts hg tfc gmhwila hg clcraics tfrhuaf tfc Ctfcrib ohny. Rhkc hbbumt tc`bfilas ncsbrioc tfc Ctfcrib ohny `s ocila k`nc hg ` omuc amhwila suost`lbc. Lhw, grhk hur tfc philt hg vicw hg hur w`eila cxpcriclbc, tfc Ctfcrib ohny is tfc o`sis hg `mm scls`tihl `ln pcrbcptihl. Qfcl yhu gccm shkctfila witf yhur f`ln, skcmm shkctfila, scc shkctfila hr wf`tcvcr, tfcsc scls`tihls `rc rcaistcrila il yhur Ctfcrib ohny. ^fis is wfy yhu nh lht pcrbcivc tfilas f`ppclila il tfc pfysib`m pm`lc wfcl yhu `rc `smccp hr ulbhlsbihus. Rcc, it is ` kist`ec th tfile tf`t yhur pfysib`m/hra`lib ohny pcrbcivcs tfilas. Yhur hra`lib ohny is miec ` mcls tf`t ghbuscs scls`tihls. scls`tihls. ^fcsc ghbuscn scls`tihls tfcl rcaistcr il yhur Ctfcrib ohny, wfibf kc`ls tfcy `rc orhuaft ilth yhur `w`rclcss. ^fc pfysib`m/hra`lib ohny is ` k`bfilc tf`t bhlvcys scls`tihl. scls`tihl. ^fc Ctfcrib ohny is tfc ohny tf`t rcaistcrs `ln iltcrprcts scls`tihl. scls`tihl. ^fhsc hg yhu wfh `rc cxpcrt clhuaf il pfysihmhay th `rauc witf kc `ohut tfcsc inc`s b`l gccm grcc th nh sh. Lhw, grhk tfc philt hg vicw hg `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss, it is phssiomc th khvc `ohut il tfc Ctfcrib ohny ilncpclncltmy grhk yhur pfysib`m/hra`lib ohny. ^fis is vcry niggibumt th nh tfhuaf. Yhu b`l `mw`ys tcmm tf`t yhu `rc il yhur Ctfcrib ohny ocb`usc yhu gccm vcry fc`vy `ln it is vcry f`rn th khvc. @msh, it is miecmy tf`t ig yhu `rc il yhur Ctfcrib ohny, tfcl yhu wimm oc il ` n`re, `ln shkctikcs, sb`ry suopm`lc. (Khrc hl tfis ?0
philt ocmhw). _hocrt Khlrhc ncsbriocs khvila il fis Ctfcrib ohny, out nhcs lht b`mm it subf. @msh, it is miecmy tf`t yhu f`vc cxpcriclbcn f`vila yhur bhlsbihuslcss ghbuscn il yhur Ctfcrib ohny, out nin lht elhw it. ^fis usu`mmy f`ppcls riaft wfcl yhu `rc w`eila up hr g`mmila `smccp. F`vc yhu cvcr f`n tfc cxpcriclbc hg w`eila up il ocn `ln tryila th khvc, hr tryila th t`me out lht ocila `omc th nh sh8 Ig sh, yhu kiaft f`vc cvcl gcmt sb`rcn. Ig tfis f`s cvcr f`ppclcn th yhu, wf`t is `btu`mmy ahila hl fcrc is tf`t yhu `rc `btu`mmy lht `w`ec. `w`ec. Ilstc`n, yhu f`vc "whecl up" hl tfc Ctfcrib pm`lc il yhur Ctfcrib ohny oy `bbinclt. Ghr tfhsc tfhsc hg yhu tf`t tf`t f`vc f`n subf subf cxpcriclbcs, oc f`ppy, ocb`usc tfcsc wcrc `btu`mmy Ctfcrib prhdcbtihls! Qc wimm mc`rl ocmhw fhw th bumtiv`tc tfc `oimity th nh tfis, `ln `msh wf`t th nh wfcl yhu giln yhurscmg il tfis phsitihl. 2. ^fc @str`m Ohny. Grhk tfc philt hg vicw hg ocila `w`ec fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn, yhur `str`m ohny is tfc ckhtihls `ln ncsircs yhu gccm. Yhu elhw fhw shkctikcs yhu act rc`m nistilbt "viocs" grhk pchpmc8 pchpmc8 K`yoc shkchlc k`ecs yhu gccm brccpy, hr `lhtfcr `lhtfcr pcrshl upmigts yhu `ln k`ecs yhu gccm ahhn, `ln yct htfcr pchpmc scck th nr`il yhu hg yhur clcray8 Qcmm, tfcsc "viocs" `rc il `btu`mity yhu sclsila tf`t pcrshl's `str`m ohny. Qfcl yhu act `lary, hr s`n, f`ppy hr gccm `ly ckhtihl, yhu `rc `rc gccmila gccmila yhur yhur hwl hwl `str`m `str`m ohny. Qfcl yhu sclsc tfcsc tfcsc ckhtihls il `lhtfcr pcrshl (wfibf is b`mmcn "ckp`tfy") yhu `rc gccmila tf`t pcrshl's `str`m ohny. Lhw, `a`il, shkc pchpmc wimm `rauc witf tfis, s`yila tf`t ckhtihls `rc ` p`rt hg tfc or`il, bhlt`ilcn il tfc lcrvcs hg tfc mikoib systck. Fhwcvcr, I `a`il wimm s`y tf`t tfcsc or`il rcaihls tf`t rcm`tc th ckhtihl `rc a`tcw`ys octwccl tfc pfysib`m ohny `ln tfc `str`m ohny. Gccmila ckhtihl is lht ncpclnclt uphl f`vila ` pfysib`m/hra`lib ohny. @gtcr yhu nic nic yhu wimm bhltiluc th gccm ckhtihls ocb`usc ckhtihls hriail`tc il yhur `str`m ohny. Lhw, il tcrks hg `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss, wfcl wc st`rt acttila ilth tfc kc`t hg `str`m prhdcbtihl, tfc v`st k`dhrity hg yhur HHOCs wimm hbbur il yhur `str`m ohny. ^fis is tfc ohny yhu usc `t liaft wfcl yhu `rc nrc`kila `ln yhur pfysib`m ohny is ??
`smccp. ^fus, tfc whrmn yhu wimm oc il wfcl yhu `str`m prhdcbt wimm oc cxtrckcmy sikim`r th tfc whrmn yhu `rc il wfcl yhu nrc`k `t liaft. Qc wimm f`vc kubf khrc th s`y `ohut tfc `str`m `str`m ohny `ln its prhpcrtics `s wc prhbccn. >. ^fc Kclt`m Ohny. Nurila lhrk`m w`eila migc, yhu pcrbcivc yhur kclt`m ohny `s yhur kiln. Yhu tfile tfhuafts, scc ik`acs il yhur ik`ail`tihl (yhur "kiln's cyc"), b`l fc`r shlas `ln vhibcs "il yhur fc`n". @mm hg tfcsc pfclhkcl` `rc hbburrila il yhur kclt`m ohny. @a`il, yhu b`l `rauc `ln s`y tf`t `mm hg tfcsc tfilas hbbur il yhur or`il, `ln tf`t, ig yhu nin lht f`vc ` or`il, tfcl yhu whumn lht tfile tfhuafts, scc tfilas il yhur "kiln's cyc" hr fc`r tfilas il yhur fc`n. fc`n. @ln `a`il, I wimm bhultcr `ln s`y s`y tf`t tfc or`il is ` BF@LLCM, ` "k`bfilc" tf`t `mmhws tfcsc kclt`m cvclts th k`ligcst hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Ig yhu f`vc lh or`il, yhu b`llht cxprcss yhur kclt`m ocf`vihr hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Fhwcvcr, f`vila lh pfysib`m or`il nhcs lht prcvclt yhu grhk cxprcssila yhur tfhuafts `ln inc`s hl tfc `str`m `ln kclt`m pm`lcs. @ln th rcpc`t `a`il, hlbc yhu mc`rl th prhdcbt ghr yhurscmg, yhu b`l ncbinc wfh is riaft il tfcsc eilns hg nco`tcs. Ocmhw wc wimm nisbuss tfcsc typcs hg nco`tcs ` mittmc khrc, out ghr lhw, `mm I'k tryila th nh is bhlvcy hbbumt inc`s `ohut fuk`l `l`thky. Grhk tfc philt hg vicw hg `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss, sfigtila tfc ghbus hg yhur bhlsbihuslcss th yhur kclt`m ohny wimm `mmhw yhu th nircbtmy pcrbcivc tfc kclt`m pm`lc. I'vc `mrc`ny st`tcn tf`t tfis is vcry niggibumt, `ln tf`t I f`vc lcvcr nhlc it. Il tfc oiomihar`pfy I rcgcrclbc ohhes oy pchpmc wfh ncsbrioc wf`t tfc kclt`m pm`lc mhhes miec. It is supphscnmy supphscnmy cxtrckcmy oc`utigum, out out I supphsc tfis ncpclns hl wf`t mcvcm hg tfc kclt`m pm`lc yhu pcrbcivc. 3. ^fc Ounnfib Ohny. Qc'vc nisbusscn tfc ounnfib ohny `mrc`ny il tfc st`tckclts I k`nc `ohut khr`ms `ln `str`m prhdcbtila. ^h rcpc`t fcrc4 Il hur lhrk`m w`eila migc, ounnfib clcray k`ligcsts `s4 brc`tivity, lhvcmty, sphlt`lcity, wisnhk, bhkp`ssihl, wimm phwcr, sunncl ilsiaft, arc`t aclius, arc`t mc`ncrsfip `oimitics, nccp spiritu`mity. Htfcr tikcs, ounnfib clcray k`y k`ligcst `s nc`tf, nisc`sc `ln ncb`y (tfis is tfc Filnu ik`ac hg Rfiv` tfc Ncstrhycr). Qf`tcvcr yhur situ`tihl situ`tihl nck`lns ghr ghr arhwtf, tfis is ?2
wf`t tfc ounnfib clcray wimm k`ligcst `s. Inc`s subf `s "Ahn", "^`h", ctb. rcgcr th ounnfib clcray. Fhwcvcr, rcmiaihl is lht ounnfib clcray, tfhuaf it k`y oc ` bf`llcm ghr it. Hlc vcry phwcrgum shurbc hg ounnfib clcray is tfc Ar`tcgum Nc`n. Ounnfib clcray is tfc ulncrmyila cssclbc hg MIGC. It is cvcrywfcrc `ln pcrkc`tcs cvcrytfila wc elhw. @s g`r `s ocila fuk`l ahcs, tfcrc is lhtfila khrc phwcrgum phwcrgum tf`l ounnfib clcray. Qc b`l tfile hg ounnfib fhwcvcr pmc`sc.clcray It nhcsislht b`mm it hr wf`tclcray wc tfile hg it.wc Ounnfib tfck`ttcr clcraywf`t tf`t wc khvcs hur vcry kilns. Kystibs spc`e hg tfc ilcgg`omc cssclbc tf`t ulncrmics `ln uligics `mm rc`mity. ^fis ilcgg`omc cssclbc is ounnfib pm`lc clcray. Il tcrks hg `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss, it is cxtrckcmy ulmiecmy tf`t `lyhlc rc`nila tfis wimm mc`rl th ghbus tfcir bhlsbihuslcss hlth tfc ounnfib pm`lc. It is sikpmy thh suotmc th nh sh. It IR phssiomc th t`ec MRN `ln gccm tfc ounnfib clcray wfimc yhu `rc `w`ec fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. whrmn. Fhwcvcr, tfhuaf tfhuaf tfis is lht `s niggibumt `s ghbusila nircbtmy hlth tfc ounnfib pm`lc, it t`ecs arc`t k`stcry hvcr tfc MRN cxpcriclbc th oc `omc th usc it th pcrbcivc tfc ounnfib clcray tf`t gimms cvcry lhhe `ln br`lly hg `mm migc. Lhw, irhlib`mmy, tfhuaf it sccks tfc ounnfib clcray is tfc f`rncst th `tt`il, it turls hut th oc tfc clcray yhu sfhumn khst ncsirc th `tt`il. Gr`lemy, `str`m prhdcbtila is lhtfila bhkp`rcn th `tt`ilila ounni, hr mc`rlila fhw th f`vc ounnfib clcraics pm`y tfrhuaf yhur ocila. C`rmicr I kcltihlcn tf`t tfcrc wcrc C`stcrl `ln Qcstcrl vicws hg hbbumtisk, `ln timm lhw f`vc k`nc lh `ttckpt th nistilauisf octwccl tfck. Fhwcvcr, wfcl it bhkcs th hpclila yhurscmg up th ounnfib clcray, C`stcrl hbbumtisk f`s `mw`ys occl bryst`m bmc`r `ohut tfis, wfcrc`s Qcstcrl hbbumtisk is lht `mw`ys sh bmc`r. C`stcrl hbbumtisk is yha`, `ln tfc purphsc hg yha` is th ocbhkc clmiaftclcn. Ocbhkila clmiaftclcn is cx`btmy tfc s`kc `s hpclila up th tfc ounnfib ounnfib clcraics. ^fis prhbcss ahcs ulncr k`ly l`kcs4 clmiaftclkclt, s`k`s`k`ni, kystibisk, bhskib bhlsbihuslcss, s`thri. @mm tfcsc whrns whrns rcgcr th tfc s`kc tfila. tfila. Fhwcvcr, it is lht ky purphsc il tfcsc lhtcs th niarcss hl kystibisk. Ghr tfc iltcrcstcn rc`ncr, scc tfc rcgcrclbc oy v`l ncr Mccuww il tfc oiomihar`pfy. ?>
^h bhlbmunc tfis oricg hvcrvicw hg hbbumt `l`thky, I whumn miec th ncgilc tfc whrn "`ur`", wfibf I uscn `ohvc `ln wimm f`vc hbb`sihl th usc tfrhuafhut tfcsc lhtcs. ^fc whrn "`ur`" is ` aclcrib tcrk `ln b`l rcgcr th `ly hlc hg tfc lhlpfysib`m ohnics oy itscmg hr il bhkoil`tihl witf tfc htfcr lhlpfysib`m ohnics. I usc tfc tcrk th rcgcr th `mm tfc lhlpfysib`m ohnics `t hlbc. Rhkc pchpmc usc tfc tcrk th rcgcr spcbigib`mmy spcbigib`mmy th tfc tfc `str`m ohny. "@ur`" is ` v`auc prcgcr, wfcl th b`mmth`tfc spcbigib ohny oy its prhpcrtcrk. l`kc.I @ln `a`il, ig Ispc`eila, w`lt th rcgcr ghur lhlpfysib`m ohnics (i.c. Ctfcrib, `str`m, kclt`m `ln ounnfib) sikumt`lchusmy, I wimm usc tfc whrn "`ur`". Rh, wc f`vc ahlc hvcr hbbumt pfysibs `ln hbbumt `l`thky. @mm hg tfis th aivc shkc inc` hg tfc hbbumt iltcrprct`tihl hg tfc `str`m prhdcbtihl/HHOC prhdcbtihl/HHOC cxpcriclbc! Qf`t I f`vc nhlc `ohvc `ohvc it th m`y hut il ` o`rcohlcs hutmilc tfc cmckclts hg tfc hbbumt whrmnvicw . @ln ` o`rcohlcs hutmilc it is. @a`il, rc`ncrs tf`t w`lt khrc nct`im sfhumn bhlsumt bhlsumt tfc oiomihar`pfy. oiomihar`pfy. Qf`t I f`vc bhvcrcn `ohvc, tfhuaf, is suggibiclt ghr hur purphscs fcrc. ^h sukk`rizc, hbbumtists tc`bf tf`t tfcrc `rc 1 pm`lcs `ln tf`t wc f`vc ohnics ghr pcrbcivila > hg tfcsc pm`lcs. Oy tfis vicw, `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss `rc cxpm`ilcn oy tfc g`bt tf`t wc sfigt hur bhlsbihus `w`rclcss grhk tfc pfysib`m pm`lc/ohny th hlc hg hur htfcr, lhlpfysib`m ohnics `ln pcrbcivc cvclts hbburrila hl tfc rcspcbtivc pm`lc. ^fis is ilnccn ilnccn hlc hg tfc v`min tfchrctib`m `pprh`bfcs th cxpm`ilila `str`m prhdcbtihl. @ln, `s I'vc `mrc`ny s`in, wc wimm giln tfis is tfc khst uscgum vicw th t`ec. Ocmhw I wimm ah ilth htfcr tfchrics hg wf`t `str`m prhdcbtihl is, out, wfcl wc st`rt `ttckptila th oc pr`btib`m `ln put tfc v`rihus tfchrics th tfc tcst hg pr`btibc, wc wimm giln hurscmvcs rcturlila th tfc hbbumt tfchry `a`il `ln `a`il th cxpm`il wf`t f`ppcls th us wfcl wc `rc "hut hg ohny".
?3
Rbicltigib Wicws
tfcr inc`s cxist `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl ocsincs tfc hbbumt inc`s cxprcsscn `ohvc. I bm`ssigy tfcsc htfcr vicws ulncr tfc fc`nila "sbicltigib" ocb`usc
H
tfcsc vicws k`ilmy stck grhk tfc `ttckpts hg sbicltists hg v`rihus pcrsu`sihls th ulncrst`ln ulncrst`ln tfc HHOC cxpcriclbc. cxpcriclbc. ^fc pcrsu`sihls pcrsu`sihls hg sbicltists hg iltcrcst fcrc `rc psybfhmhaists `ln p`r`psybfhmhaists. ^fcsc `rc tfc ghmes, ghmes, htfcr tf`l hbbumtists, hbbumtists, wfh f`vc aivcl us inc`s `ohut tfc `str`m prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc. Qf`t I wimm nh is cxpm`il shkc hg tfcsc lhlhbbumt inc`s, tfcl `gtcrw`rn k`ec shkc `ttckpt th bhkp`rc tfc hbbumt `ln lhlhbbumt vicws hg tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc. @gtcr tf`t I wimm tfcl try th tic cvcrytfila thactfcr `ln prhvinc tfc tfchrctib`m gr`kcwhre wc wimm usc tfrhuafhut tfc rcst hg tfcsc lhtcs.
?7
Z`r`psybfhmhay Z`r`psy bfhmhay - HHOCs
@t ocaillila I s`in I whumn usc tfc tcrks "`str`m prhdcbtihl" `ln "HHOC" (wfibf st`lns ghr "hut-hg-ohny cxpcriclbc") iltcrbf`lac`omy. Fhpcgummy, yhu lhw ulncrst`ln wf`t tfc tcrk "`str`m "`str`m prhdcbtihl" kc`ls `ln wfcrc it bhkcs grhk. grhk. Lhw wc `rc ahila th mhhe `t tfc tcrk "HHOC". ^fc tcrk "HHOC" is ` whrn bhilcn oy p`r`psybfhmhaists. Z`r`psybfhmhay, `s ` sbiclbc, oca`l witf tfc whre hg ` k`l l`kcn D.O. _filc wfh nin st`tistib`m cxpcrikclts hl psybfib phwcrs `t Nuec Slivcrsity il tfc 092:s. _filc's `ppmib`tihl hg st`tistibs th psybfib pfclhkcl` a`vc risc th tfc tr`nitihl hg p`r`psybfhmhay, ` "sbiclbc" wfibf f`s f`n ` qucstihl`omc `ln sphttcn sphttcn rcput`tihl rcput`tihl grhk its ilbcptihl. ilbcptihl. Aclcr`mmy spc`eila, p`r`psybfhmhaists f`vc occl iltcrcstcn il nispm`yila tfc cxistclbc hg sh-b`mmcn psybfib `oimitics, hr "psi" `s tfcy tcrk it, usila st`tistibs `ln htfcr prhps subf `s nibc, hr tfc rcm`tivcmy g`khus CRZ b`rns tf`t yhu k`y f`vc sccl. Qf`t b`l oc s`in `ohut p`r`psybfhmhay8 Lht vcry kubf `btu`mmy. Gr`lemy,vcryhtfcr gicmns@lnhgocb`usc sbiclbc nhl't t`ec p`r`psybfhmhaists scrihusmy. p`r`psybfhmhaists f`vc occl sh prchbbupicn witf prhvila tf`t psybfib phwcrs cxist oy st`tistib`m tcsts, tfcy f`vc nhlc mittmc th hggcr rc`m cxpm`l`tihls hg psybfib pfclhkcl`. Qc s`w `ohvc tf`t hbbumtists cxpm`il psybfib phwcrs witf tfc tfchry hg tfc pm`lcs `ln lhlpfysib`m ohnics, `ln tf`t psybfib phwcrs `rc tfc rcsumt hg sfigtila tfc ghbus hg hur bhlsbihuslcss grhk tfc pfysib`m pm`lc th hlc hg tfc htfcr pm`lcs. O`sib`mmy, p`r`psybfhmhaists f`vc lht occl `omc th prhvinc ` bhkpctila cxpm`l`tihl hg psybfib phwcrs. @ln wf`t's cvcl whrsc, p`r`psybfhmhaists, hl tfc wfhmc, f`vc bhkpmctcmy ialhrcn tfc inc`s hg hbbumtists. Qf`t p`r`psybfhmhaists f`vc nhlc hvcr tfc 7: hr sh yc`rs tf`t tfcy'vc occl `rhuln is th bhil ` oulbf hg lcw whrns miec "psi", "CRZ", "HHOC", "rckhtc vicwila" `ln k`ly htfcr d`rahls, witfhut f`vila `ly rc`mmy bmc`r kc`lila hg tfcsc whrns. whrns. ^fc rcsumt hg tfis is tf`t p`r`psybfhmhaists f`vc brc`tcn khrc bhlgusihl tf`l bm`rity. K`ly hg tfc tcrks tfcy f`vc bhilcn (subf `s "CRZ" hr "HHOC") `rc lhw bhkkhl il hur m`lau`ac, yct tfcsc tcrks f`vc lh prcbisc kc`lila. C`rmicr, I s`in tf`t tfchry witfhut pr`btibc is dust ckpty t`me. Slghrtul`tcmy, tfis is wf`t p`r`psybfhmhay is4 ` mht hg t`me `ln vcry mittmc `btihl. ?1
Ghr cx`kpmc, tfc tcrk HHOC w`s bhilcn il tfc 097:s. @pp`rcltmy, tfc hmncr tcrk "`str`m prhdcbtihl", `ln its hbbumt ikpmib`tihls, w`s th oc ialhrcn. Qf`t nhcs tfc tcrk HHOC kc`l8 Qcmm, "hut hg ohny cxpcriclbc" sccks th kc`l tf`t yhu mc`vc yhur ohny. Out tfc qucstihls ikkcni`tcmy bhkc up4 Qf`t mc`vcs8 `ln Qfcrc nhcs nhcs it ah8 I aucss it's libc, `t mc`st, tf`t p`r`psybfhmhaists rcbhalizc tf`t tfc HHOC pfclhkcl` cxists. Slghrtul`tcmy, tfc whre oy p`r`psybfhmhaists hlcxpcbt. tfc HHOC f`vc prhnubcn rcsumts tf`t p`r`psybfhmhaists nin lht ^fc typc hg cxpcrikclts p`r`psybfhmhaists f`vc nhlc hl HHOCs `rc tfilas subf `s puttila ` pcrshl il ` rhhk th prhdcbt, `ln il `l `nd`bclt, mhbecn rhhk, puttila ` picbc hg p`pcr witf shkctfila writtcl hl it, `ln tfcl cxpcbtila tfc prhdcbthr th "mc`vc fis ohny", ah ilth tfc mhbecn rhhk, `ln rc`n wf`t's hl tfc p`pcr. ^fcsc typcs hg cxpcrikclts f`vc prhnubcn vcry kixcn rcsumts wfibf `rc oy lh kc`ls c`sy th iltcrprct. Khstmy tfcy f`vc occl ulsubbcssgum ocb`usc tfc pcrshl prhdcbtila bhumn lht prhdcbt, hr, ig tfc pcrshl nin prhdcbt, tfcl tfcy nin lht `bbur`tcmy rc`n tfc kcss`ac il tfc mhbecn rhhk, hr lcvcr cvcl k`nc it ilth tfc mhbecn rhhk! Qf`t `rc wc th k`ec hg tfc rcsumts hg tfcsc p`r`psybfhmhay cxpcrikclts8 Qcmm, girst, mct's mhhe ulncr tfc fhhn, sh th spc`e, `t tfc ikpmib`tihls ilfcrclt il tfc ncsials hg tfcsc p`r`psybfhmhay cxpcrikclts. Slmiec hbbumtists, wfh vcry bmc`rmy st`tc tfcir prckiscs, p`r`psybfhmhaists lcvcr bmc`rmy m`y hut tfcir iltcltihls. ^fus wc `rc ghrbcn th scbhln aucss tfck th shkc cxtclt. c xtclt. Rh, mct's nh tfis. Rh, wc `secn4 wf`t mc`vcs tfc ohny `ln wfcrc nhcs it ah8 Qcmm, tfc cxpcrikclt`m ncsial `ohvc nhcs lht nircbtmy `nnrcss tfc qucstihl hg wf`t mc`vcs tfc ohny. Yct, tfc g`bt tf`t tfc p`r`psybfhmhaist cxpcbts tfc prhdcbthr th orila o`be ilghrk`tihl ikpmics tf`t `t mc`st tfc p`r`psybfhmhaist elhws tf`t it is tfc pcrshl's `w`rclcss tf`t is "mc`vila tfc ohny". Hg kubf khrc ikphrt`lbc tfhuaf is tfc qucstihl4 wfcrc nhcs tfis nisckohnicn `w`rclcss ah8 Qcmm, tfc `lswcr th tfis qucstihl is vcry hovihus grhk tfc cxpcrikclt`m ncsial `ohvc. ^fc p`r`psybfhmhaist hovihusmy cxpcbts tfc prhdcbtila pcrshl th ah ilth tfc `nd`bclt Qf`t tfis kc`ls tf`tst`ys tfc p`r`psybfhmhaist wf`tcvcr is mc`vila tfc is ohny il tfc pfysib`m `ssukcs tf`t rhhk. ?6
whrmn . ^fis is ` ecy philt philt ghr ulncrst`lnila tfc kc`lila hg tfc
tcrk HHOC. HHOC. ^f`t is th s`y, tfc tfc tcrk "HHOC", `s uscn uscn oy p`r`psybfhmhaists, ikpmics tf`t tfcrc is hlmy ` pfysib`m whrmn, `ln tf`t tfcrc `rc lht `ly pm`lcs `s hbbumtists ncsbrioc. Hovihusmy, wfcl I usc tfc tcrk HHOC il tfcsc lhtcs, I nh lht kc`l tfis. Lhw, tfc m`be hg subbcss tf`t p`r`psybfhmhaists f`vc clbhultcrcn il tfc typc hg cxpcrikclts ncsbriocn `ohvc f`s ghrbcn shkc p`r`psybfhmhaists th rctfile tfcir inc`s. Il tfc p`st gcw yc`rs, bcrt`il p`r`psybfhmhaists f`vc ocaul th rcbhalizc tfc phssioimity tf`t tfc HHOC suodcbt nhcs LH^ prhdcbt ilth tfc pfysib`m whrmn, `ln tf`t tfcrc kust oc shkc lhlpfysib`m whrmn il wfibf tfc HHOC hbburs. Il p`rtibum`r, p`rtibum`r, tfcsc inc`s f`vc occl st`tcn oy ohtf N. Rbhtt _hah `ln M`wrclbc McRf`l, wfh `rc ohtf lhtcn p`r`psybfhmhaists. Fhwcvcr, hlmy N. Rbhtt _hah f`s ahlc sh g`r `s th suaacst tf`t hbbumt inc`s kiaft oc tfc bhrrcbt cxpm`l`tihl hg tfc HHOC cxpcriclbc. _hah fikscmg mc`rlcn fhw th f`vc HHOCs, `ln b`kc th tfis bhlbmusihl o`scn hl fis hwl girst f`ln cxpcriclbc. @a`il, ig `mm ahcs wcmm, tfcl yhu thh b`l oc miec _hah `ln ah `ln scc ghr yhurscmg. ^h rc`n `ohut _hah's cxpcriclbcs, mhhe ghr fis ohhe mistcn il tfc oiomihar`pfy. _hah's ohhe, wfibf is b`mmcn "Mc`vila ^fc Ohny", is `btu`mmy `l ikphrt`lt rcgcrclbc `ln `mm hg yhu `rc fiafmy clbhur`acn th rc`n tfis ohhe. Fhwcvcr, _hah's vicw is lht wincmy fcmn oy tfc gcw p`r`psybfhmhaists wfh `rc `rhuln thn`y, `ln aclcr`mmy spc`eila, p`r`psybfhmhaists stimm bmila th tfc lhtihl tf`t psybfib phwcrs (hr "psi" `s tfcy b`mm it), ilbmunila HHOCs, `rc purcmy pfysib`m pfclhkcl`. Rh, tfis is wf`t tfc tcrk HHOC rc`mmy kc`ls4 it ikpmics ` purcmy pfysib`m vicw vicw hg tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc. @s I s`in, s`in, I nhl't usc tfc tcrk HHOC il tfis g`sfihl, out p`r`psybfhmhaists nh. ^fis is `mm I wimm s`y `ohut tfc p`r`psybfhmhaib`m vicw `t tfis philt. Qc wimm rcturl th it ocmhw wfcl wc bhkp`rc hbbumt `ln lhl hbbumt vicws m`tcr il tfc nisbussihl.
?9
Zsybfhmhay Zsybfhmh ay - Mubin Nrc`kila
^fc lcxt lhl hbbumt vicw wc sf`mm nisbuss is tfc vicw tf`t bhkcs th us grhk tfc sbiclbc hg psybfhmhay. Lhw, `lyhlc g`kimi`r witf `b`nckib psybfhmhay elhws tf`t tfcrc `rc k`ly sbfhhms hg tfhuaft il psybfhmhay ilbmunila4 Grcuni`l vicws, tfc vicws hg B`rm Dula, tfc psybfhmhay hg @or`f`k K`smhw, ocf`vihrist psybfhmhay, bhalitivc psybfhmhay, psybfi`try, pfysihmhaib`m psybfhmhay `ln lcurhmhay - dust th l`kc ` gcw! I nh lht pm`l pm`l hl nisbussila `mm hg tfcsc niggcrclt sbfhhms hg tfhuaft fcrc. Ig tfc rc`ncr f`s clhuaf iltcrcst il tfcsc thpibs, yhu b`l ah rc`n up hl tfck ghr yhurscmg. Qf`t I w`lt th nh fcrc is hutmilc tfc orh`n gc`turcs hg tfc inc`s il psybfhmhay rcmcv`lt th tfc `str`m prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc, `ln hutmilc tfcsc il clhuaf nct`im sh tf`t 0. yhu `t mc`st elhw tf`t subf inc`s cxist, `ln ?. yhu `rc `omc th bhkp`rc tfcsc inc`s th tfc hbbumt `ln p`r`psybfhmhaib`m inc`s hg tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc. Il aclcr`m, psybfhmhaists `rc lht stupin. ^fcy f`vc hoscrvcn k`ly `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss `ln bhkc up witf ` lukocr hg tfchrics th `bbhult ghr tfcsc `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss. Zsybfhmhaists rcbhalizc `str`m prhdcbtihl ulncr ` v`ricty hg l`kcs4 mubin nrc`ks, nisshbi`tivc cxpcriclbcs, lc`r nc`tf cxpcriclbcs, fyplhahai` (hg wfibf wc wimm f`vc kubf th s`y `ohut m`tcr). Grhk wf`t I'vc sccl il tfc psybfhmhaib`m mitcr`turc, mitcr`turc, lh hlc f`s rc`mmy ticn `mm tfcsc cxpcriclbcs thactfcr ulncr hlc uligicn tfchry. C`bf hg tfcsc pfclhkcl` is tfhuaft hg il niggcrclt tcrks. Cvcl tfc g`bt hg nrc`kila f`s lht occl bmc`rmy ticn ilth tfc g`bt hg `str`m prhdcbtihl oy `ly psybfhmhaists `s g`r `s I elhw. Lhw, il tfc m`st gcw yc`rs, tfcrc f`vc occl ` lukocr hg ohhes puomisfcn oy psybfhmhaists ilvhmvila mubin nrc`ks (hlc subf ohhe is b`mmcn "F`vc ` Mubin Nrc`k il 2: N`ys" - out I nh lht rckckocr tfc `utfhr). `utfhr). ^fcsc ohhes `rc "fhw th nh it" it" ohhes ghr f`vila mubin nrc`ks, `ln `rc quitc cggcbtivc `s it ahcs. Fhwcvcr, wfcrc tfcy m`be is il f`vila ` ahhn ulncrst`lnila hg wf`t tfc mubin nrc`k cxpcriclbc is. Hlc subf ohhe tf`t I rc`n s`in shkctfila th tfc cggcbt "Lh hlc elhws wf`t ` mubin nrc`ks is..." `ln I tfhuaft th kyscmg, "YHS nhl't nhl't elhw wf`t ` mubin nrc`k is!". Rh, ghr tfhsc hg yhu tf`t rc`n tfcsc typcs hg ohhes, wf`t I'k is tf`t ohhestfcy k`ytc`bf sfhwyhu yhu`ohut fhw th f`vcs`yila ` mubinfcrc nrc`k, outtfcsc tfc tfchry tfc`btu`mmy l`turc 2:
hg mubin nrc`kila is lht vcry ahhn, `ln, `s I'vc `mrc`ny st`tcn, tfc tfchry is ikphrt`lt ghr fcmpila yhu ulncrst`ln wf`t is f`ppclila th yhu hlbc yhu st`rt prhdcbtila. prhdcbtila. ^fc khrc phwcrgum tfc tfchry, tfc khrc cggcbtivc wimm oc yhur prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbcs. ^fc gmiksy tfchrics hg psybfhmhaists wimm `in yhu hlmy sh g`r, `ln tfcrc `rc k`ly tfilas yhu wimm cxpcriclbc wfcl yhu prhdcbt tf`t tfcsc tfchrics b`llht cxpm`il. Mubin nrc`ks @_C `str`m prhdcbtihls. Qfcl wc act ilth tcbfliqucs ocmhw, wc wimm usc tfis inc` il hlc hg hur tcbfliqucs. ^fc inc` hg ` mubin nrc`k is tf`t it is ` nrc`k il wfibf yhu `rc `w`rc tf`t yhu `rc nrc`kila. @s I s`in c`rmicr, hbbumtists hbbumtists tc`bf tf`t tfc pm`bc wfcrc wc ah nrc`k is tfc `str`m pm`lc. Fhwcvcr, tfis inc` is lht `bbcptcn il khncrl psybfhmhay. ^fc psybfhmhaists f`vc ` kubf "shgtcr" vicw hg tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc, b`mmila it ` mubin nrc`k. Iltcrcstilamy, psybfhmhaists f`vc lh cxpm`l`tihl hg wf`t nrc`ks `rc! Rhkc whre ulncr tfc inc` tf`t nrc`ks `rc ` vivin f`mmubil`tihl brc`tcn il yhur or`il wfimc yhu smccp. Htfcrs f`vc khrc lcoumhus inc`s `ohut bhmmcbtivc ulbhlsbihuslcss `ln sikim`r stugg. Grcuni`ls mhhe uphl nrc`ks `s ` sykohmib rc`mk wfcrc rcprcssihls `rc sthrcn up. ^h shkc cxtclt c`bf hg tfcsc vicws is bhrrcbt - bhrrcbt tf`t is, out fiafmy ilbhkpmctc. ^`ecl thactfcr, tfc inc`s il psybfhmhay `ohut nrc`ks `ln mubin nrc`ks, `t ocst, p`ilt ` shkcwf`t bhlgusila khs`ib hg shkctikcs bhlgmibtila inc`s `ohut tfc l`turc hg nrc`k `ln mubin nrc`k cxpcriclbcs. @t tfcir whrst, tfc inc`s il psybfhmhay `ohut nrc`ks `ln mubin nrc`kila b`l mc`n yhu ilth `l iltcmmcbtu`m k`zc hg d`rahl `ln spcbum`tihl tf`t wimm hlmy bhlgusc yhu `ln lht fcmp yhu hlc iht` il yhur qucst th `btu`mmy prhdcbt! Ig tfis f`ppcls, f`ppcls, yhu `rc w`stila yhur tikc tikc `ln clcray. Rh o`sib`mmy, wc f`vc sccl tf`t "`str`m prhdcbtihl" is `l hbbumt tcrk. tcrk. "HHOC" "HHOC" is ` tcrk grhk p`r`psybfhmhay. ^fc tcrk tcrk "mubin nrc`kila" is ` tcrk grhk psybfhmhay. @ mubin nrc`k is ` nrc`k il wfibf yhu `rc `w`rc tf`t yhu `rc nrc`kila. Fhwcvcr, psybfhmhaists hggcr lh rc`mmy bhlvilbila `ln bhkpmctc inc` hg fhw nrc`ks whre hr cx`btmy wf`t tfcir l`turc is. @ln `a`il, I `k gummy hpcl th nco`tc tfc inc`s I prcsclt fcrc. Ig `ly hg yhu nh lht miec wf`t I f`vc th s`y, hr ig yhu tfile I `k wrhla il tfc inc`s I `k prcscltila, pmc`sc gccm grcc th bf`mmclac kc hl `ly philt yhu wisf.
20
^yila It @mm ^hactfcr
Rh, wc f`vc nisbusscn tfc tfrcc k`il tcrks uscn th ncsbrioc tfc cxpcriclbc I fhpc th tc`bf yhu, `ln tfc hriails hg tfcsc tcrks. Qf`t is ikphrt`lt th rc`mizc is tf`t C@BF HG ^FCRC ^C_KR R^CKR G_HK @ NIGGC_CL^ WICQ HG ^FC QH_MN. K`ly ocaillcrs il `str`m prhdcbtihl `se "wf`t is tfc niggcrclbc octwccl oc twccl `l `str`m prhdcbtihl `ln `l HHOC8" hr "wf`t is tfc niggcrclbc octwccl `l HHOC `ln ` mubin nrc`k8" Qcmm, tfc `lswcr `lswcr th tfis is tf`t c`bf hg tfcsc whrns stcks grhk ` arhup hg pchpmc witf niggcrclt vicws `ohut L`turc `ln Fuk`leiln. ^f`t is tfc niggcrclbc octwccl tfcsc whrns. Il tcrks hg tfc pfclhkcl` th wfibf tfcy rcgcr, tfcy `mm rcgcr th tfc cx`bt s`kc tfila. C`bf hg tfcsc whrns rcprcsclts ` NIGGC_CL^ IL^C_Z_C^@^IHL hg tfis pfclhkcl`, wfibf is tfc cxpcriclbc hg prhdcbtila. prhdcbtila. Nco`tila `ohut tfc kc`lila hg tfcsc 2 tcrks is uscmcss ulmcss tfc nco`tila is o`scn hl cxpcriclbc. Qf`t is ikphrt`lt ikphrt`lt is mc`rlila mc`rlila FHQ FHQ ^H Z_HDCB^, `ln tf`t is wf`tiswc sf`mm ghbus hg tfis iltrhnubthry k`tcri`m prhvincn sh hl tf`tfcrc. yhuFhwcvcr, stunclts `mm f`vc shkc ulncrst`lnila hg tfc niggcrclt niggcrclt iltcrprct`tihls iltcrprct`tihls tf`t cxist. Yhu `rc, hg bhursc, bhkpmctcmy grcc th pibe tfc iltcrprct`tihl yhu miec ocst. Fhwcvcr, I tfile it is khrc ikphrt`lt th oc hpcl kilncn tf`l th oc hg strhla hpilihls. Qc `rc lhw ahila th bhkp`rc tfcsc tfrcc tcrks. sukk`rizc4
^crk @str`m Zrhdcbtihl Hut-hg-ohny Cxpcriclbc Cxpcriclbc Mubin Nrc`k
^h
@sshbi`tcn Qhrmn Wicw Hbbumtisk Z`r`psybfhmhay Zsybfhmhay
Qf`t wc w`lt th nh `t tfis philt is bhkc up witf shkc w`y th ulncrst`ln fhw tfcsc tfrcc vicws hg tfc `str`m prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc `rc rcm`tcn th c`bf htfcr. Girst hgg, `s I s`in, it is ky hpilihl, o`scn hl ky cxpcriclbcs witf `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss, tf`t tfcsc tfrcc tcrks rcgcr th tfc cx`bt s`kc pfclhkcl`. Mubin nrc`ks, nrc`ks, HHOCs, HHOCs, `ln `str`m prhdcbtihls prhdcbtihls `rc `mm 2?
incltib`m cxpcriclbcs. cxpcriclbcs. @a`il, it is ky hpilihl tf`t tf`t th `ttckpt th ncgilc tfcsc tfrcc tcrks `s rcgcrrila th 2 niggcrclt pfclhkcl` is miec spmittila f`irs - il htfcr whrns, ` w`stc hg tikc. Zcrf`ps tfc khst ikphrt`lt nistilbtihl hlc b`l k`ec `khlast tfc vicwphilts rcprcscltcn oy tfcsc tfrcc tcrks is tfc ghmmhwila. O`sib`mmy, tfc niggcrclbc il tfcsc 2 tcrks acts nhwl th niggcrclt w`ys th vicw tfc l`turc hg hur bhlsbihuslcss `ln hur ncgilitihls hg wf`t it is th oc ` fuk`l ocila. @ln, `gtcr f`vila tfhuaft `ohut tfis ghr ` mhla tikc, it is lhw bmc`r th kc tf`t tfcrc `rc cssclti`mmy twh, kutu`mmy cxbmusivc w`ys th vicw tfc l`turc hg fuk`l bhlsbihuslcss. ^fcsc twh vicws b`l oc st`tcn tfus4 0. Fuk`l bhlsbihuslcss is shmcmy `ln bhkpmctcmy ` prhnubt hg tfc or`il. Qfibf is th s`y, hur cxistclbc is purcmy pfysib`m. @mm hg tfc ulncrmyila b`uscs hg hur bhlsbihuslcss `rc arhulncn il tfc m`ws hg bfckistry, pfysibs `ln oihmhay. Il htfcr whrns, pfysib`m b`uscs ulncrmic fuk`l bhlsbihuslcss, pcrihn. Ghr sikpmibity's s`ec, wc wimm b`mm tfis tfc "k`tcri`mistib vicw" hg fuk`l bhlsbihuslcss. ?. Fuk`l bhlsbihuslcss il LH^ pfysib`m. Fuk`l bhlsbihuslcss, il its guln`kclt`m cssclbc is LHLZFYRIB@M. Hur pfysib`m ohny is lht tfc b`usc hg hur bhlsbihuslcss, out is ilstc`n ` vcfibmc oy wfibf th cxprcss hur bhlsbihuslcss il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. ^fis vicw wc wimm b`mm tfc "hbbumt vicw", ocb`usc it is tfc vicw tf`t hbbumtists tc`bf. It nhcs lht k`ttcr wf`t p`rtibum`r or`ln hg hbbumtisk wc suosbrioc th. @mm or`lbfcs hg hbbumt tfhuaft sf`rc tfis ulncrmyila `xihk, `s nh khst rcmiaihus tc`bfilas. Rh, tfis is tfc vit`m nibfhthky wc `rc g`bcn witf4 citfcr hur pfysib`m hra`lib ohny is tfc b`usc hg hur bhlsbihuslcss, hr hur pfysib`m-hra`lib ohny is ` vcfibmc ghr `mmhwila hur bhlsbihuslcss th `bbcss tfc pfysib`m whrmn. ^f`t's it. It ohims nhwl th tfcsc twh sikpmc sikpmc `mtcrl`tivcs. Lhw, witf rca`rn th tfc 2 tcrks mistcn `ohvc, `ln tfcir bhrrcsphlnila whrmn vicws, wc b`l s`y tf`t, il aclcr`m, p`r`psybfhmhaists `ln psybfhmhaists sf`rc tfc k`tcri`mistib vicw `ln tf`t hbbumtists phsscss tfc hbbumt vicw hg tfc l`turc hg fuk`l bhlsbihuslcss. Lhw, tfcsc aclcr`miz`tihls kust oc oy tfc ghmmhwila st`tckclts. Girst, `mm psybfhmhaists `ln qu`migicn p`r`psybfhmhaists 22
k`y lht oc k`tcri`mists `s I f`vc ncgilcn tfis tcrk `ohvc. C`bf pcrshl, hg bhursc, wimm f`vc tfcir ilnivinu`m ocmicgs tf`t k`y hr k`y lht scc fuk`l bhlsbihuslcss il shkc gr`kcwhre htfcr tf`l il purcmy pfysib`m tcrks. I `k lht tryila th s`y tf`t `mm pchpmc wfh `rc psybfhmhaists `ln p`r`psybfhmhaists ocmicvc tf`t bhlsbihuslcss is purcmy pfysib`m. Qf`t I `k s`yila fhwcvcr is tfc tr`nitihls hg ohtf psybfhmhay `ln p`r`psybfhmhay - il tfcir hggibi`m (hr pscunh-hggibi`m il tfc b`sc p`r`psybfhmhay) st`lbcs `s `b`nckib ilstitutihls hg mc`rlila `lnhg sbiclbc, f`vc tr`nitihl`mmy LH^ `bbcptcn tfc hbbumt inc`s tf`t bhlsbihuslcss is lhlpfysib`m. @ln gurtfcr, ohtf psybfhmhay `ln p`r`psybfhmhay f`vc `t tikcs occl om`t`lt k`tcri`mists (`s is ocf`vihrist psybfhmhay hr tfc typib`m st`tistib`m p`r`psybfhmhay). @ln khst ikphrt`ltmy, tfc inc` tf`t tfc pfysib`m ohny B@SRCR bhlsbihuslcss is ilnccn tfc hggibi`m pm`tghrk hg fiafcr mc`rlila il hur Slivcrsitics thn`y. ^fis is tfc o`sis oy wfibf khncrl kcnib`m kcnib`m sbiclbc hpcr`tcs, it is tfc o`sis hg `mm `mm `b`nckib ghrks hg sbiclbc grhk Lhtfila `ltfrhphmhay th pfysibs th cvhmutihl`ry oihmhay. bhumnthocshbihmhay khrc ghrcial il tfc bhltcxt hg khncrl ulivcrsity mc`rlila tf`l tfc hbbumt inc`s hg fuk`l bhlsbihuslcss. Rh, tf`t's it. ^wh niggcrclt vicws hg bhlsbihuslcss, tfrcc niggcrclt tcrks th ncsbrioc tfc cxpcriclbc hg prhdcbtila. @mm tf`t I'vc s`in `ohvc, t`ecl thactfcr, ghrks tfc o`sib hutmilc hg tfc tfchry ocfiln `str`m prhdcbtihl. Ky k`il iltcltihl fcrc is sikpmy th cxphsc yhu th tfcsc inc`s. I nh lht rc`mmy b`rc th nco`tc `ohut tfc rcm`tivc kcrit hg tfcsc inc`s `ly gurtfcr tf`l il tcrks hg tfcir utimity `t fcmpila us `str`m prhdcbt. ^fcrc `rc ` mht hg hpcl qucstihls tf`t surrhuln `str`m prhdcbtila. @lyhlc tf`t trics th scmm yhu hl hlc p`rtibum`r iltcrprct`tihl hg tfc `str`m prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc is pummila yhur mca. Lhlc hg tfc tfrcc tcrks `ohvc nhcs `ly khrc tf`l b`pturc g`bcts hg tfc cxpcriclbc. Ig yhu `rc sh ilbmilcn, ilbmilcn, gccm grcc th pibe yhur g`vhritc vicws `ln ah witf tfck. Zcrshl`mmy, it is ky hpilihl tf`t tfc ocst yhu b`l nh is oc `w`rc hg tfc v`ricty hg vicwphilts tf`t cxist (wfctfcr it's `ohut `str`m prhdcbtila hr `lytfila cmsc), `ln cbmcbtib`mmy nr`w uphl tfcsc niggcrclt vicws `s birbukst`lbcs nck`ln. Ocila hpcl th tfilas is kubf khrc ikphrt`lt tf`l `lytfila cmsc, cspcbi`mmy il tfis ousilcss hg `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss. 2>
_`nih Rt`tihl ^fchry ^fchr y hg Bhlsbihuslcss4 ^fc Ruopm`lcs
cmm, wc'rc `mkhst nhlc witf tfc tfchry stugg! Qf`t I'k ahila th nh lhw is th prcsclt tfc tfchry I pcrshl`mmy usc th cxpm`il ky hwl prhdcbtihls. Il nhila sh, wc wimm `msh st`rt th k`ec tfc tr`lsitihl octwccl kc t`meila `ohut htfcr pchpmc's inc`s `ln kc t`meila `ohut ky `btu`m cxpcriclbcs. ^fc "r`nih st`tihl tfchry hg bhlsbihuslcss" f`s bhkc grhk ky lccn th f`vc ` uligicn w`y th tfile `ohut `mm tfc tfilas tf`t f`vc f`ppclcn th kc il ky prhdcbtihls. O`sib`mmy, tfis "r`nih st`tihl vicw hg bhlsbihuslcss" is ` t`ec-hgg hl tfc hbbumt inc`s I hutmilcn `ohvc.
Q
It phsits tf`t tfcrc `rc lhlpfysib`m pm`bcs wc b`l t`ec hur bhlsbihuslcss5 il htfcr whrns, pm`lcs. ^fc rc`shl I ocmicvc tfis is ocb`usc, il ` lukocr hg ky prhdcbtihls, I f`vc occl il pm`bcs tf`t mhhecn miec pm`bcs pm`bcs I elhw hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc (ky hwl ocnrhhk `ln fhusc khstmy). Fhwcvcr, wfcl I cxpmhrc tfcsc clvirhlkclts il 23
ky prhdcbtihls, `ln tfcl w`ec-up o`be fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc `ln ah `ln stuny tfc cx`bt s`kc pm`bc, I `mw`ys hoscrvc lukcrhus niggcrclbcs. Rh, ky bhlbmusihl is tf`t, wfcrc wfcrc cvcr I'k `t nurila ky prhdcbtihl, it is ncgilitcmy LH^ tfc pfysib`m whrmn I `k il wfcl I `k `w`ec. @lhtfcr tfila I f`vc bhlsistcltmy cxpcriclbcn il ky prhdcbtihls is tfc g`bt tf`t shkctikcs wfcl I prhdcbt I `k shkcwfcrc out out htfcr tikcs I `k lhwfcrc . Il tfc dhurl`m I eccp
hg ky cxpcriclbcs, I b`mm tfc "shkcwfcrc" "cpishncs", `ln I b`mm tfc "lhwfcrc" I ah tfc "vhin".
Qfcl I `k il `l cpishnc I b`l oc `lywfcrc - ghr tfcrc `rc ` mht hg pm`bcs th oc il tfc pm`lcs! It k`y oc ` sully kc`nhw, ` str`lac `ostr`bt bhmhrcn m`lnsb`pc, ` n`re sb`ry pm`bc gumm hg zhkoics, ` k`mm, fhusc, suouro (ycs, `mm tfcsc tfilas cxist hl tfc `str`m pm`lc!). @ly tikc I `k `lywfcrc il ` prhdcbtihl, I b`mm it `l "cpishnc". ^fc vhin is `mthactfcr niggcrclt. Ik`ailc ocila il ` bhkpmctcmy n`re, bhkpmctcmy simclt pm`bc witf lhtfila il it. ^fis is wf`t tfc vhin is. I ah a h th tfc vhin `mkhst `s grcqucltmy `s I'k il `l cpishnc nurila nurila ky prhdcbtihls. Hgtcl, `s shhl `s I "mc`vc" ky ky ohny, I `k il tfc vhin. Hr, I k`y oc il `l cpishnc `ln I wimm "g`nchut" `ln nis`ppc`r grhk wfcrcvcr I `k `t, `ln I wimm `ppc`r il tfc vhin. @s wcmm, I'vc nisbhvcrcn w`ys th act hut hg tfc vhin ilth `l cpishnc, `ln I wimm sf`rc tfcsc tcbfliqucs witf yhu ocmhw, dust il b`sc yhu giln yhurscmg yhurscmg il tfc vhin. Lhw, tfcrc is lhtfila wrhla witf ocila il tfc vhin. It is `btu`mmy vcry pc`bcgum tfcrc - cxtrckcmy quict. Fhwcvcr, bf`lbcs `rc yhu wimm oc miec kc `ln oc kubf khrc iltcrcstcn il cxpmhrila tfc tfilas ahila hl tfc pm`lcs, il wfibf b`sc yhu'n r`tfcr oc shkcwfcrc tf`l lhwfcrc! @ohut cpishncs4 Miec I s`in, I b`l oc `lywfcrc - `ln I'vc sccl shkc str`lac stugg! Ghr cx`kpmc, hlbc I sthhn hl ` bmhun `ln pm`ycn auit`r witf ` griclnmy spirit. @lhtfcr tikc, ` t`meila rfilh a`vc kc ` rinc tfrhuaf ` ghrcst. Hl `lhtfcr hbb`sihl I eisscn ` oc`utigum airm il ` mhvcmy shgt whrmn whrmn hg p`stcm rcns `ln ycmmhws. Hlbc I s`w ` afhst witf ` D`be-H-M`ltcrl fc`n il `l ulncrarhuln p`ss`ac. Hlbc I w`s il ` str`lac fhusc, `ln tfc gmhhr hg tfc eitbfcl w`s k`nc hg mittmc, r`ilohw bhmhrcn squirkila fuk`l ohnics! @lhtfcr tikc, I s`w `l `ostr`btmy bhmhrcn gicmn hg n`lbila sfigtila bhmhrs. Hl k`ly hbb`sihls, I'vc I'vc ghuln kyscmg il tfcsc `oshmutcmy 27
brccpy pm`bcs phpum`tcn oy rhttila ohnics `ln htfcr arhtcsquc brc`turcs. Rhkctikcs I `k il pm`bcs I rcbhalizc, miec ky fhusc fhusc hr ky lciafohrfhhn, hr ky hmn bhmmcac. Htfcr tikcs I'k il pm`bcs I'vc lcvcr sccl ocghrc. Ouimnilas `rc vcry str`lac hl tfc pm`lcs - tfcy scck th ah hl ghrcvcr! Hlc f`mm mc`ns th `lhtfcr mc`ns th `lhtfcr mc`ns th `lhtfcr scckilamy ghrcvcr. I wimm ah ilth shkc hg ky cxpcriclbcs il kubf khrc nct`im ocmhw. _iaft lhw `mm I'k tryila th nh is aivc `l inc` hg pm`lcs. tfc ilbrcniomy ribf v`ricty hg pm`bcs th cxpmhrc `lnyhu nisbhvcr il tfc ^fcrc is `l hbbumt inc` I w`lt th kcltihl `t tfis philt tf`t I nin lht kcltihl `ohvc `ln tf`t is tfc inc` tf`t c`bf pm`lc is suonivincn ilth suopm`lcs. Il ^fchshpfy, it is t`uaft tf`t c`bf pm`lc bhlsists hg 1 suopm`lcs. Dust miec tfcrc `rc niggcrclt ar`ncs hr typcs hg k`ttcr hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc - shmins, miquins, a`scs, girc, fc`t `ln miaft - wcmm, hbbumtists tc`bf tf`t tfc pm`lcs f`vc sikim`r ar`n`tihls hg tfc k`ttcr hg wfibf c`bf pm`lc is bhkphscn, `ln tfcsc ar`n`tihls il tfc k`ttcr hg `ly pm`lc `rc b`mmcn suopm`lcs. ^f`t is hlc w`y th mhhe `t tfc inc` `t mc`st. @ln tfcrc is kcrit th tfis inc` thh. Ik`ailc tfc spcbtruk bhmhrs hg ` r`ilohw4 rcn, hr`lac, ycmmhw, arccl, omuc, ilniah, `ln vihmct (wfibf yhu b`l c`simy rckckocr oy tfc `brhlyk _HY A OIW). _cn is tfc mhwcst hg tfc spcbtruk `ln vihmct is tfc fiafcst. Yhu b`l usc tfc inc` hg ` r`ilohw's bhmhrs `s ` rhuaf K@Z hg tfc suopm`lcs. Ghr c`bf pm`lc tfcrc `rc mhwcr suopm`lcs (I wimm `msh usc tfc whrn "rcaihl" th kc`l suopm`lc `t tikcs) tf`t omccn ilth iltcrkcni`tc suopm`lcs tf`t omccn ilth fiafcr suopm`lcs. Rh, mhwcr suopm`lcs hg ` pm`lc `rc miec rcn il tfc r`ilohw, iltcrkcni`tc suopm`lcs miec arccl, `ln fiafcr suopm`lcs miec vihmct, `ln hg bhursc, witf `mm tfc iltcrvclila sf`ncs octwccl tfcsc. Il tcrks hg tfc `str`m pm`lc, tfc "r`ilohw" hg suopm`lcs ghrks ` spcbtruk spcbtruk hg ckhtihl. @t tfc "rcn" cln hg tfc spcbtruk `rc tfc mhwcst `ln whrst hg fuk`l ckhtihls4 f`tc, `lacr, arccn, must, clvy. Sp `t tfc tfc fiafcr cln hg tfc spcbtruk spcbtruk (tfc vihmct vihmct cln) `rc tfc ocst hg fuk`l ckhtihls4 eilnlcss, f`ppilcss, w`rktf, b`rila `ln sh hl. @ln `a`il, tfcrc is cvcry bhkoil`tihl phssiomc octwccl tfcsc twh clns hg tfc spcbtruk. Qfy is tfis inc` ikphrt`lt8 Miec I s`in, it fcmps prhvinc ` k`p tf`t wimm aivc yhu shkc inc` hg wfcrc yhu `rc `t nurila ` prhdcbtihl. ^fis oc is ocb`usc, lh k`ttcr wfcrc yhu gccmila giln yhurscmg, tfcrc wimm `mw`ys ` "vioc" prcsclt, shkc nistilbt yhu act 21
grhk tfc pm`bc wfcrc yhu `rc `t. Rhkc pm`bcs k`y sb`rc yhu, htfcrs k`y k`ec yhu gccm vcry miaft `ln f`ppy, htfcrs k`y k`ec yhu fhrly, `ln shkc k`y gccm quitc lhrk`m th yhu (il tcrks hg wf`tcvcr "lhrk`m" is th yhu). ^fcsc viocs tf`t yhu act, tfcsc gccmilas, aivc yhu `l ilnib`tihl hg wf`t suopm`lc yhu `rc hl. F`vila tfc `oimity th "k`p" hut wfcrc yhu `rc `t nurila ` prhdcbtihl is `btu`mmy ` pr`btib`m tfila, `ln tfis is lht sikpmy dust `l iltcmmcbtu`m cxcrbisc. Ghr cx`kpmc, tfcrc whumn oc tikcs tikcs tf`t tf`t I whumn prhdcbt `ln `ppc`r il ` pm`bc tf`t a`vc kc ` o`n vioc. I whumn tfcl rc`mizc I w`s hl ` mhwcr suopm`lc `ln tfcl mc`vc it. Hg bhursc, ig yhu w`lt, yhu b`l st`y `ln cxpmhrc tfc mhwcr suopm`lcs, wfibf is ` uscgum cxcrbisc. Fhw nh yhu mc`vc ` mhwcr suopm`lc8 Khrc hl tfis il ` m`tcr mcsshl! Rh, tf`t is hlc uscgum vicw hg tfc suopm`lcs. ^fcrc is ` scbhln vicw hg tfc suopm`lcs wc lccn th nisbuss thh. ^fis is tfc vicw prcscltcn oy _hocrt Khlrhc wfh is ` vcry cxbcmmclt prhdcbthr. Fis tfrcc ohhes `rc mistcn il tfc oiomihar`pfy, `ln Khlrhc is cssclti`m rc`nila ghr `ly stunclt hg `str`m prhdcbtihl. Khlrhc spc`es hg tfc "rilas" `ln oy tfis fc kc`ls o`sib`mmy ` suopm`lc. Out tfc bhllht`tihls `rc lht tfc s`kc `s tfc tfchshpfib`m inc`. Khlrhc, il fis scbhln ohhe "G`r Dhurlcys" `btu`mmy f`s ` k`p hg tfc rilas `ln wf`t yhu b`l cxpcbt th giln hl tfc niggcrclt mcvcms. ^FC _ILAR BH__CRZHLN ^H R^@^CR HG KILN. @ln tfc bhrrcsphlnclbc is miec tf`t wfibf I st`tcn `ohvc witf tfc r`ilohw kct`pfhr. ^fc sbukkicst st`tcs hg kiln `rc hl tfc mhwcst rilas. @vcr`ac pchpmc, pchpmc lht cspcbi`mmy o`n, out lht cspcbi`mmy ahhn, `rc hl tfc rilas ` mittmc g`rtfcr hut. Ocyhln tfcsc `rc rilas tf`t bhrrcsphln th pchpmc wfh `rc strhlamy ncvhtcn th upfhmnila inc`ms -oc tfcsc rcmiaihus, phmitib`m hr iltcmmcbtu`m. @ln g`rtfcr hut `rc rilas tf`t bhrrcsphln th st`tcs hg kiln hg tfc fiafcst lhoimity `ln iltcmmcbt `ln spiritu`mity. @ln ocyhln tfcsc rilas `rc quict rilas wfcrc yhu whl't giln fuk`l st`tcs hg kiln. It sfhumn oc `pp`rclt tf`t Khlrhc's rilas shuln `l `wgum mht miec tfc pm`lcs ncsbriocn oy hbbumtists. @s ` k`ttcr hg g`bt, tfcy `rc. Nhl't mct tfc g`bt tf`t Khlrhc uscs niggcrclt whrns ghhm yhu fc is ncsbrioila o`sib`mmy tfc cx`bt s`kc tfila tf`t hbbumtists f`vc ncsbriocn. Fhwcvcr, wf`t is ikphrt`lt is tf`t Khlrhc's ncsbriptihls hg tfc rilas `rc O@RCN HL FIR HQL ZC_RHL@M 26
CVZC_ICLBCR. Khlrhc nhcs lht bm`ik th oc `l hbbumtist, sh, fc k`nc up fis hwl whrns th ncsbrioc fis cxpcriclbcs. ^fis hlmy k`ecs sclsc. @a`il, tfc philt hg tfis niarcssihl is tf`t tfcrc is `l hrncr th wfcrc yhu wimm ah `ln wf`t yhu wimm cxpcriclbc il yhur HHOCs. Qfctfcr yhu usc tfc tfchshpfib`m inc` hg tfc suopm`lcs, hr Khlrhc's inc` hg rilas, tfc ohtthk milc is tfc s`kc4 "mhwcr" bhrrcsphlns th tf`t wfibf wc fuk`ls bhlsincr o`n `ln "fiafcr" bhrrcsphlns th tf`t wfibf wc fuk`ls bhlsincr ahhn. @ln tfis spcbtruk grhk o`n pm`bcs th ahhn pm`bcs is tfc k`p, tfc hra`liz`tihl yhu wimm clbhultcr il tfc pm`bcs yhu wimm giln yhurscmg nurila yhur prhdcbtihls. Yhu'rc prho`omy whlncrila4 sh wf`t nhcs `mm tfis f`vc th nh witf Nhl's "r`nih st`tihl tfchry hg bhlsbihuslcss"8 Qcmm, o`sib`mmy, tfis "r`nih st`tihl tfchry hg bhlsbihuslcss" is ky ncsbriptihl hg tfc hra`liz`tihl hg tfc suopm`lcs, hr rilas, o`scn hl ky `btu`m cxpcriclbcs prhdcbtila. ^fc rc`shl I usc `l `l`mhay witf ` r`nih is ocb`usc cpishncs is ocila ` suopm`lc hr rila) `lnII cxpcriclbc `msh cxpcriclbc ocila ocila(wfibf il tfc vhin. ^fchlinc` hg ky r`nih st`tihl kct`pfhr is tfis4 wc `mm elhw tf`t hl tfc r`nih tfcrc `rc r`nih st`tihls yhu b`l tulc ilth up `ln nhwl tfc ni`m. @ln wf`t is il octwccl tfcsc r`nih st`tihls8 Lhtfila is, `ln wfcl yhu tulc ilth ` pm`bc hl tfc ni`m wfcrc tfcrc is lh r`nih st`tihl yhu act R^@^IB. ^fc w`y I giaurc it, wfcl I'k il `l cpishnc, tfis is dust miec tulila ilth ` r`nih st`tihl, `ln wfcl I'k il tfc vhin, tfis is dust miec tulila ilth tfc st`tib octwccl r`nih st`tihls wfcrc lhtfila cxists. Lhtc tf`t wc `rc `nhptila tfc hbbumt vicwphilt tf`t cxpm`ils `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss `s ` sfigt hg ghbus hg hlcs bhlsbihuslcss `w`y grhk tfc pfysib`m whrmn `ln thw`rns tfc pm`lcs. Rfigtila tfc ghbus hg yhur bhlsbihuslcss ilth tfc lhlpfysib`m pm`lcs is tfc s`kc s`kc `s tulila tulila ilth tf`t pm`lc. Rh, tf`t's it, tf`t's tfc khncm I usc th ncsbrioc ky prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbcs. @ln I sfhumn `nn tf`t tfis "r`nih ni`m" hg bhlsbihuslcss nhcs ilnccn ghmmhw tfc hrncr ncsbriocn `ohvc ghr suopm`lcs/rilas. ^f`t is, tfcrc rc`mmy nhcs `ppc`r th oc ` ar`n`tihl il tfcsc "r`nih st`tihls" hg bhlsbihuslcss grhk tfc khst fhrriomc `ln uamy th tfc khst ilbrcniomy oc`utigum `ln lhomc. Lhw, tfcrc is hlc m`st rck`re I f`vc th k`ec `ohut tfis r`nih st`tihl inc` tf`t rcm`tcs th ky `btu`m cxpcriclbcs wfcl I 29
prhdcbt. Sp `ohvc I k`nc tfc bhkkclt hg "g`nila hut" hg `l cpishnc `ln `ppc`rila il tfc vhin. Qf`t I `k rcgcrrila th fcrc is `btu`mmy ` vcry ikphrt`lt `spcbt hg ky prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbcs tf`t I b`mm tfc "mhbe-khmn". ^h ulncrst`ln wf`t I kc`l oy mhbe-khmn, `a`il ik`ailc ` r`nih. Lhw, wc f`vc `mm f`n tfc cxpcriclbc tf`t shkctikcs wfcl wc try th tulc ilth ` st`tihl hl tfc r`nih wc nhl't act vcry ahhn rcbcptihl `ln tfcrc is ` mht hg st`tib kixcn il witf tfc orh`nb`st hg tfc st`tihl. kiaft ginnmc ginnmcQcmm, witf tfis tfc n ni`m th try th act ` octtcr rcbcptihl hg tfcQc r`nih st`tihl. isi`mcx`btmy wf`t f`ppcls th kc wfcl I `k il `l cpishnc. I `k cxtrckcmy mitcr`m `ohut tfis. Qfcl I `k il `l cpishnc, I `k `btu`mmy ^SLCN IL^H tfc suopm`lc I `k hl th shkc ncarcc grhk whrsc th ahhn. I f`vc bf`r`btcrizcn cvcry silamc prhdcbtihl I f`vc cvcr f`n il tcrks hg fhw ahhn ky mhbekhmn is. Qfcl ky mhbekhmn mhbekhmn is ahhn tf`t kc`ls tf`t I gccm vcry st`omc `ln I `k pcrbcivila wfcrcvcr I `k `t vcry wcmm. Qfcl ky mhbekhmn is o`n, wfibf is `l`mhahus th acttila ac ttila ` mht hg st`tib hvcr tfc r`nih st`tihl, I gccm vcry ulst`omc `ln ky pcrbcptihl hg tfc suopm`lc I `k hl is vcry phhr. Qfcl I f`vc ` o`n mhbekhmn nurila ` prhdcbtihl, usu`mmy wf`t f`ppcls is tf`t ky visihl, fc`rila `ln sclsc hg thubf hl tf`t suopm`lc "omile" hl `ln hgg. Ssu`mmy, I mhsc tfc sclsc hg siaft girst, thubf scbhln, `ln fc`rila is tfc m`st th ah. Il htfcr whrns, wfcl I f`vc ` o`n mhbekhmn ky visihl wimm omile hl `ln hgg - I wimm mitcr`mmy oc `omc th scc ghr ` khkclt `ln tfcl mhsc it `ln oc omiln. I f`vc, hvcr tfc bhursc hg ky cxpcriclbcs ghuln ` lukocr hg tribes th st`oimizc ky mhbekhmn, `ln tfcsc I wimm nisbuss `fc`n. Lhw, I orila tfis inc` hg mhbekhmn up ocb`usc - `ln I rc`mmy w`lt th strcss tfis - it f`s occl ` bcltr`m gc`turc hg ky prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbcs. s`in, cvcry silamc is. prhdcbtihl I f`vc f`n I `k `w`rc hg fhw Miec ahhnIhr o`nilky mhbekhmn I vcry strhlamy suspcbt tf`t hlbc yhu st`rt prhdcbtila, yhu wimm `msh clbhultcr tfis mhbekhmn gccmila, sh I `k tcmmila yhu `ohut mhbekhmns, `ln wimm tcmm yhu tfc tfilas I'vc mc`rlcn th bhltrhm ky mhbekhmn, sh yhu wimm tfcl elhw wf`t th nh wfcl yhu prhdcbt `ln st`rt th mhsc yhur mhbekhmn. _c`mmy, I `k vcry scrihus `ohut tfis. @a`il, yhur mhbekhmn is ` gccmila yhu wimm f`vc hg fhw wcmm yhu `rc tulcn ilth wfcrcvcr yhu f`ppcl th oc il yhur prhdcbtihl. Mct kc ah hgg hl shkc hg ky pcrshl`m cxpcriclbcs ` oit dust th nrivc tfis inc` hg mhbekhmn fhkc th yhu. Ocmhw `rc mistcn shkc cxbcrpts grhk ky pcrshl`m `str`m prhdcbtihl dhurl`m wfibf fiafmiaft tfis mhbekhmn pfclhkcl`4 >:
0 ”..^fc nhhrw`y mcn ilth ` b`stmc `ln I w`s vcry surpriscn oy tfis. I rckckocr tfileila th kyscmg tf`t rhhks f`vc `mm tfcsc finncl nircbtihls il tfck il tfc `str`m pm`lc. It w`s ` fuac `ln cmca`ltmy ncbhr`tcn pm`bc `ln tfc ncbhr mhhecn g`irmy khncrl. I w`lncrcn `ohut `ln cvcltu`mmy b`kc th ` rhhk tf`t f`n ` wilnhw tf`t w`s hvcrmhheila ` mhla sfilamcn rhhg. I bmikocn bmikocn tfrhuaf tfc wilnhw `ln tfcrc w`s ` airm hutsinc hl tfc rhhg. It w`s sully hutsinc `ln I gcmt gcmt vcry vcry ahhn. Kc `ln tfc airm t`mecn, out I nh lht rckckocr wf`t wc t`mecn `ohut. I bhumn scc `rhuln kc hutsinc, hutsinc, wf`t mhhe mhhecn cn miec ` g`irmy typib`m, tfhuaf bhkpmctcmy ulg`kimi`r, lciafohrfhhn `ln I w w`s `s burihus th cxpmhrc it. I wclt th gmy hgg tfc rhhg out ky mhbekhmn oca`l th wc`ecl `ln I om`becn hut....‛
?< ”..Rhkcfhw, I w`s o`be il ky ocnrhhk, f`mg bhlsbihus hg tfc pfysib`m Uky cycs wcrc bmhscn out I bhumn fc`r shulns hutsinc[. hutsinc[. I bhumn tfcl tfcl scc ky rhhk `s ig I w`s `w`ec (cvcl tfhuaf ky cycs wcrc bmhscn) `ln tfcrc w`s tfis tfila gmh`tila gmh`tila il grhlt grhlt hg kc. I st`rcn `t it `ln it scckcn th oc st`rila `t kc. It vcry kubf rckilncn rckilncn kc hg `l ilscbt, out it w`s ` ghht `ln ` f`mg fiaf. fiaf. It f`n ` spfcrib`m o`sc witf wf`t mhhecn miec tfil mcas prhtrunila hut il `mm nircbtihls. Grhk tfc o`sc rhsc ` mhla smclncr lcbe, `ln `t tfc thp hg tfc lcbe w`s ` fc`n. ^fc g`bc hl tfc fc`n rckilncn kc hg ` pr`yila k`ltis, hr ` lul il ` f`oit. It w`s vcry burihus fhw it scckcn th oc stunyila kc. @t girst I ninl't ninl't elhw wf`t wf`t th tfile5 w`s it shkc `str`m nckhl8 Rhkc eiln hg `str`m pm`lc brc`turc8 ^fcl I gcmt kyscmg mhsila arip hg tfc mhbekhmn, `ln tfc sbclc hg ky rhhk `ln tfc gmh`tila brc`turc g`ncn hut smhwmy. I m`in m`in tfcrc tfcrc gccmila gccmila ky ohny hl tfc oc ocn n tfileila "n`kl, thh kubf kubf pfysib`m." pfysib`m." Bhumn fc`r fc`r lhiscs lhiscs hutsinc, ctb. ”
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Lhtc4 Lukocr 2 fcrc is ` vcry ahhn cx`kpmc4 2< ”...Q`s o`be hl ky ocn, bhlsbihus, `ln I w`ltcn th prhdcbt prhdcbt `a`il. Qclt up `ln hut hut hg ky ohny, ohny, gmcw tfrhuaf tfc bcimila, `ln tfcl tfrhuaf `lhtfcr bcimila, out w`s o`be il ky ohny. ohny. Dukpcn hut `a`il, `a`il, `ln w`s st`lnila il ky rhhk, out ky mhbekhmn w`s vcry sf`ey. ^fcrc scckcn th oc `lhtfcr wilnhw il ky rhhk, hlc tf`t ninl't cxist hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. pm`lc. I dukpcn tfrhuaf tfis tfis wilnhw `ln scckcn th oc il ` rcst`ur`lt. rcst`ur`lt. @t mc`st tf`t tf`t is wf`t it shulncn miec. Ky mhbekhmn mhbekhmn w`s vcry sf`ey `ln I bhumn lht scc `t `t `mm, I bhu bhumn mn hlmy fc`r. Ky visihl omilecn omilecn hl mhla clhuaf ghr kc th scc tf`t tfcrc w`s `lhtfcr wilnhw il grhlt hg kc, `ln I bhumn sclsc tf`t hutsinc tfis wilnhw w`s ikkclsc, `s ig tfc rhhk I w`s prcscltmy il w`s w`y up il tfc sey, `ln ig I wcrc th mhhe hut tfc wilnhw, I whumn hlmy scc tfc v`stlcss hg tfc sey `mm `rhuln kc. I tfhuaft tf`t I w`s wfcrc nc`n pchpmc `rc, `ln ghr shkc rc`shl, tfc `sshbi`tihl w`s k`nc octwccl "fc`vcl" `ln tfc "sey". Ky visihl w`s w`s ahlc `a`il, `a`il, out I dukpcn hut tfc wilnhw `lyw`y. I aht tfc ikprcssihl, grhk tfc shulns `rhuln kc, tf`t I w`s il `l hutnhhr k`mm hr o`z``r. I fc`rn `mm eilns hg tfilas ahila hl, hl, pchpmc scmmila stugg, bhlvcrs`tihls, ctb.. I tfhuaft, "I'k il ` k`mm il tfc sey". ^fis wfhmc tikc I f`n occl bmilaila th tfc wilnhw mcnac ocila `gr`in hg tfc tfc fciaft. fciaft. Ghr ` khkclt ky visihl mhbecn hl `ln I s`w st`mms witf ahhns gmh`tila cvcrywfcrc `ln lh kc. rckckocrcn tf`t I bhumn gmy,arhuln sh I mct `t ah`mm hg `rhuln tfc mcnac `lnI dukpcn ghrw`rn. I gcmm nhwl `ohut 2: gcct `ln dust gmh`tcn tfcrc. Ky visihl w`s ahlc `a`il, out I fc`rn pchpmc wfh scckcn th oc `omc th scc kc, `ln tfcy wcrc m`uafila `t kc `s ig I w`s ocf`vila il `l ulusu`m w`y. I stukomcn th pumm kyscmg o`be th tfc tfc w`mm I f`n dus dustt dukpcn grhk. I ghuln tfc mcnac `ln s`t tfcrc omiln, out I nistilbtmy fc`rn ` r`nih pm`yila `ln I mistclcn th ` bhkkcrbi`m hl tfc r`nih. ^fcl I mhst ky mhbekhmn `ln w`s o`be il ky ohny....‛
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Rh, tfcsc `ohvc tfrcc cx`kpmcs aivc yhu shkc inc` hg wf`t ` mhbekhmn mhbekhmn is. Yhu wimm scc tfis inc` hg hg tfc mhbekhmn gccmila cxprcsscn il cvcry pcrshl`m `bbhult hg ky prhdcbtihls I ncsbrioc ghr yhu. Rh, oy lh kc`ls f`vc yhu fc`rn tfc m`st `ohut mhbekhmns! @t tfis philt fhwcvcr, tf`t `ohut wr`ps up ky prcsclt`tihl hg tfis r`nih st`tihl tfchry hg bhlsbihuslcss I usc th tfile hg ky hwl prhdcbtihls. ^h sukk`rizc, tfc ikphrt`lt philts `ohut tfis inc` `rc4 0. Miec tulila ilth ` r`nih st`tihl, tfc suopm`lcs `rc "st`tihls" tf`t yhu b`l tulc ilth witf yhur bhlsbihuslcss. ?. ^fc vhin is miec tfc st`tib tf`t cxists octwccl r`nih st`tihls, `ln wfcl yhu tulc ilth tfc vhin, yhu pcrbcivc lhtfila `t `mm hutsinc hg yhu. 2. Yhur mhbekhmn is tfc gccmila yhu act hg fhw wcmm yhu `rc tulcn ilth wfcrcvcr yhu `rc `t il yhur prhdcbtihl. Kystib`m Wicw hg Bhlsbihuslcss Gil`mmy, I w`lt th cln tfc iltrhnubthry tfchry scbtihl hg tfcsc lhtcs witf wf`t I ocmicvc `rc inc`s th tic `mm tfc stugg I s`in `ohvc thactfcr.
@s yhu scc, wc b`l t`ec `ly lukocr hg vicws hg tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc. Yhu b`l nco`tc tfc rcm`tivc kcrit hg `ly hg tfcsc vicws timm yhu `rc omuc il tfc g`bc. It sfhumn oc `pp`rclt tf`t I nisbhur`ac subf sck`ltib `rauila, out `t tfc s`kc tikc I strhlamy `nvhb`tc tf`t yhu oc `s g`kimi`r witf `s k`ly vicwphilts `s yhu b`l, `a`il, lht hlmy `ohut `str`m prhdcbtila, out `ohut cvcrytfila il migc. Lhw, I'vc `mrc`ny st`tcn tf`t, cvcl tfhuaf `str`m prhdcbtila is `l cxtrckcmy nr`k`tib cxpcriclbc witfil tfc bhltcxt hg hur shbicty's `bbcptcn inc`s `ohut rc`mity, bhkp`rcn th mc`rlila fhw th oc il thubf witf witf tfc ounnfib pm`lc, `str`m prhdcbtihl prhdcbtihl is lhtfila. Il htfcr whrns, `str`m prhdcbtila is lht tfc cln `mm oc `mm hg migc. Orilaila ounnfib pm`lc clcraics ilth yhur migc IR tfc tfc cln `mm oc `mm hg migc. ^fcrc is `lhtfcr kckocr hg tfc Lcw @ac ghruk wfh is `l cxbcmmclt `str`m prhdcbthr, `ln tf`t is Dcgg Qimcy, tfc scbtihl mc`ncr hg scbtihl 02 (N_C@KR) `ln Dcgg f`s ` pfimhshpfy tf`t fc `ln I ohtf >2
sf`rc, wfibf eiln hg scts ` ohtthk milc th wf`t `mm tfis `str`m prhdcbtihl stugg stugg kc`ls. Khst pchpmc k`ec tfc nistilbtihl tf`t, il shkc sclsc, tfcir pfysib`m migc is rc`m, out tfcir nrc`k migc is lht rc`m. Mc`rlila th `str`m prhdcbt omhws tfis inc` riaft hut tfc nhhr. Out cvcl khrc ikphrt`ltmy, hlbc yhu st`rt th prhdcbt, yhu rc`mizc tf`t, il shkc sclsc, yhur nrc`k/prhdcbtihl migc is cqu`m th yhur w`eila pfysib`m migc. ^fcl, ` lcw ilsiaft eiln hg fits yhu. @ln tf`t is, `mm hg hur bhlsbihus cxpcriclbc is eiln khrchgmiec nrc`kila tf`l`mmlht. Hur pfysib`m migc is `btu`mmy ` str`lac nrc`k, tf`t, miec nrc`ks, is ncstilcn th cln hlc n`y. Qf`t ocbhkcs `pp`rclt wfcl yhu'vc cxp`lncn tfc fhrizhls hg yhur pcrshl`m cxpcriclbc clhuaf is tf`t ^FC_C IR DSR^ BHLRBIHSRLCRR. BHLRBIHSRLCRR. It rc`mmy nhcsl't nhcsl't k`ttcr wf`t ghrk tfc bhlsbihuslcss t`ecs, hr wf`t pm`lc tfc bhlsbihuslcss k`ligcsts hl. Rubf tfilas `rc kcrcmy rcm`tivc. ^fc `oshmutc il migc is BHLRBIHSRLCRR4 kilc, yhurs, ` trcc's, ` nha's, ` pm`lct's, ` ahn's - `mm dust bhlsbihuslcss. It eiln hg bhkcs nhwl th tfc hmn bmibfé "migc's ` nrc`k". Qf`t yhu `rc rc`mmy mhheila ghr fcrc is cxpcriclbcs tf`t b`l b`t`myzc il yhu ` tr`lsghrk`tihl - ` tr`lsghrk`tihl hg `ttituncs, hg yhur hutmhhe, hg yhur pcrbcptihls hg yhurscmg `ln migc5 ` tr`lsghrk`tihl tf`t wimm orila yhu th tfc bhlsbihus elhwmcnac hg yhur pm`bc il tfc sbfckc hg tfilas. I b`mm tfis "hpclila up th tfc ounnfib pm`lc", Dcgg b`mms tfis "rc`mizila tfc tfc Oia Nrc`k". Il citfcr b`sc it's tfc s`kc tfila. @ln it is ncgilitcmy wfcrc yhu sfhumn sct yhur siafts.
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Bf`ptcr ? Fhw ^h @str`m Zrhdcbt
Ssila Nrc`ks @s @ Rprilaoh`rn Ghr @str`m Zrhdcbtihl
cmm, wc'vc ahlc tfrhuaf tfc tfchry, lhw it's tikc th act th tfc tfc pr`btibc. ^fc $0:,::: qucstihl is4 fhw nh yhu `str`m prhdcbt8 ^fcrc `rc twh k`il kctfhns I wimm nisbuss4 0. ocbhkila mubin il ` nrc`k, `ln ?. oy puttila yhurscmg ilth ` tr`lbc. Qc wimm nisbuss c`bf hg tfcsc kctfhns il shkc nct`im ocb`usc tfcsc `rc tfc kctfhns I f`vc uscn subbcssgummy tikc tikc `ln ttikc ikc `a`il. ^fcrc is `msh ` tfirn kctfhn yhu wimm giln wfibf I wimm kcltihl, tfhuaf I nh lht usc tfis kctfhn. ^fis tfirn kctfhn ilvhmvcs visu`miz`tihl cxcrbiscs. Qc wimm nisbuss nrc`k kctfhns girst, tr`lbc kctfhns scbhln, `ln tfcl cln tfis scbtihl witf witf ` nisbussihl hg visu`miz`tihl visu`miz`tihl kctfhns. @msh, I wimm wimm kcltihl oricgmy t`pcs `ln htfcr ncvibcs tf`t pchpmc usc th `bficvc HHOCs.
Q
>3
Ocghrc acttila th spcbigib kctfhns, I w`lt th m`y hut hlc ikphrt`lt tfila tf`t yhu sfhumn nh4 -------< ECCZ @ DHS_L@M! =--------
^fis is vcry ikphrt`lt. Yhu w`lt th eccp shkc shkc eiln hg bhlbrctc rcbhrn hg `mm hg yhur cxpcriclbcs witf `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss. Qfy8 Ocb`usc it is vcry c`sy th ghract tfc nct`ims hg tfcsc cxpcriclbcs. Yhu k`y tfile yhu wimm rckckocr shkctfila, out, dust `s is tfc b`sc witf hur lhrk`m nrc`ks, yhu wimm ghract `s tikc ahcs hl. Ig yhu f`vc ` rcbhrn hg yhur cxpcriclbcs yhu b`l `mw`ys rcgcr o`be th it `t `ly tikc. I'k lht einnila citfcr5 it's vcry c`sy th ghract tfc nct`ims hg spcbigib prhdcbtihls. Cvcl lhw I wimm rcbhult `l hmn prhdcbtihl th shkchlc, tfcl ah mhhe tfc `btu`m cltry up il ky dhurl`m `ln rc`mizc I f`vc ghrahttcl ikphrt`lt p`rts hg tfc prhdcbtihl hr f`vc bhlguscn twh niggcrclt prhdcbtihls. @lhtfcr rc`shl ghr eccpila rcbhrns hg yhur cxpcriclbcs is tf`t, `s tfcsc rcbhrns `bbukum`tc hvcr tikc, yhu b`l ah o`be pcrihnib`mmy `ln rc`n tfrhuaf tfck. Qf`t yhu k`y tfcl nisbhvcr `rc sikim`ritics `ln rcaum`ritics il yhur cxpcriclbcs tf`t yhu k`y lht f`vc ghuln htfcrwisc. Ghr cx`kpmc, `gtcr I f`n occl prhdcbtila prhdcbtila ghr ` gcw khltfs I rc`n hvcr ky dhurl`m `ln nisbhvcrcn ` rcburrila p`ttcrl il ky prhdcbtihls. Qf`t I nisbhvcrcn is tf`t, hgtcl, I whumn `ttckpt th gmy il ky prhdcbtihl out, hlbc I whumn st`rt th `sbcln, ky w`y w`y whumn oc omhbecn omhbecn oy trcc or`lbfcs. or`lbfcs. Lhw, tfis ninl't f`ppcl `mm tfc tikc, hlmy hlbc il ` wfimc. It hbburrcn ilgrcqucltmy clhuaf tf`t I ninl't rc`mizc tf`t it w`s ` p`ttcrl. It w`s hlmy oy mhheila `t ky `bbukum`tcn rcbhrns hvcr ` pcrihn hg `ohut 7 khltfs tf`t I rc`mizcn tfis w`s hbburrila hgtcl clhuaf tf`t it kiaft kc`l shkctfila. @ln kc`l shkctfila shkctfila it nin. I f`vc silbc bhkc th rc`mizc tf`t tfcsc trcc or`lbfcs omhbeila kc grhk gmyila `w`y wcrc ` kcss`ac grhk ky ky suobhlsbihus kiln. Cvcry tikc tikc tfis hbburrcn il ky prhdcbtihls prhdcbtihls - tfc trccs prcvcltila kc grhk gmyila - it w`s ` sykohm hg ` scrihus ncgcbt il ky pcrshl`mity. It thhe kc shkc tikc th giaurc tfis sykohmisk hut, out hlbc I nin I st`rtcn whreila hl tfis prhomck. @ln hvcr tikc, tikc, `s I'vc hvcrbhkc tfis prhomck prhomck il ky pcrshl`mity, I f`vc lht occl pm`aucn oy tfc hbburrclbc hg trccs omhbeila kc grhk gmyila il ky prhdcbtihls. Rh, lht hlmy is tfc `ohvc `l cx`kpmc hg wfy yhu sfhumn eccp ahhn rcbhrns, out it's `msh `l cx`kpmc hg wf`t I s`in c`rmicr >7
`ohut fhw yhur pcrshl`mity `ppc`rs th oc hutsinc hg hg yhu nurila ` prhdcbtihl `ln fhw prhdcbtihls `rc ` ghrk hg scmg-tfcr`py. O`be th lhtc eccpila4 Il ky b`sc, ghr ` mhla tikc I sikpmy ecpt ` lhtcohhe bmhsc th ky ocn. Cvcry tikc I f`n ` prhdcbtihl tfc vcry girst tfila I whumn nh wfcl I rcturlcn fcrc th tfc pfysib`m pm`lc is writc nhwl `s kubf `s I bhumn rckckocr hg ky prhdcbtihl. ^fc cltrics I'vc k`nc f`vc occl `s mhla `s 0: p`acs (il tfc b`sc wfcrc I rckckocrcn tfc prhdcbtihl wcmm), hr k`y f`vc hlmy occl ` quibe hutmilc hg lhtcs tf`t I m`tcr (usu`mmy tfc s`kc n`y) wclt o`be `ln gimmcn il. Rhkctikcs, I f`vc ahlc hlc hr twh n`ys ocghrc rcbhrnila tfc tfc cxpcriclbc, out I nhl't nhl't rcbhkkcln tfis. I'vc `msh `msh k`nc lhtcs hl wf`tcvcr sbr`p p`pcr w`s `v`im`omc th kc. Cvcltu`mmy, I'vc tr`lsgcrrcn tr`lsgcrrcn `mm ky lhtcs th tfc bhkputcr. Lhw I eccp ky `str`m `str`m prhdcbtihl dhurl`m tfrhuaf tfrhuaf ky whrn prhbcsshr. Out stimm, I hgtcl writc it nhwl hl p`pcr ocghrc typila it ilth tfc bhkputcr. ^fc ohtthk milc is th nh wf`tcvcr is bhlvcliclt ghr yhu, out ncgilitcmy eccp rcbhrns hg yhur cxpcriclbcs! ` dhurl`m nisbipmilc. @str`m ahhn prhdcbtila, miec `lyEccpila htfcr seimm, rcquircst`ecs nisbipmilc, `ln eccpila lhtcs dust is ` p`rt hg tfc nisbipmilc yhu lccn th oc subbcssgum. @lhtfcr tfila I w`lt th s`y `t tfc ocaillila hg tfis scbtihl hl kctfhns is tf`t `str`m prhdcbtihl prhdcbtihl is ` REIMM. REIMM. @s subf it is miec `ly htfcr seimm tf`t fuk`ls f`vc5 shkc pchpmc pibe it up c`simy, htfcrs nh lht. I miec th nr`w tfc `l`mhay octwccl mc`rlila th `str`m prhdcbt `ln mc`rlila th pm`y ` kusib`m kusib`m ilstrukclt. Rhkc pchpmc `rc ohrl witf tfc tfc t`mclt th pm`y ` kusib`m ilstrukclt. Wcry gcw pchpmc `rc ohrl kusib`m acliuscs. Ghr khst hg us, fhwcvcr, tfc hlmy w`y th mc`rl ` kusib`m ilstrukclt is oy pr`btibc . @ln ghr tfhsc hg us wfh f`vc th pr`btibc, hur mc`rlila k`y bhkc c`simy hr it k`y hlmy bhkc witf kubf whre `ln ncnib`tihl. Qcmm, mc`rlila th `str`m prhdcbt is tfc cx`bt s`kc tfil tfila. a. Wcry gcw pchpmc `rc ohrl witf tfc t`mclt th `str`m prhdcbt. Ghr shkc, tfc tfc mc`rlila prhbcss bhkcs bhkcs c`simy. Ghr khst hg us, mc`rlila th `str`m prhdcbt rcquircs whre `ln cgghrt. ^FC_C IR LH^FILA K@AIB@M @OHS^ MC@_LILA ^H @R^_@M Z_HDCB^. Miec `lytfila cmsc, yhu lccn th mc`rl tfc riaft tfchry, tfc riaft tcbfliqucs `ln Z_@B^IBC tfck. @ln miec `lytfila cmsc il migc, yhu act hut hg it w wf`t f`t yhu put ilth ilth it. ^fc khrc yhu pr`btibc, tfc khrc yhu `ttckpt th mc`rl, tfc octtcr yhu wimm oc. >1
@ln, ulmiec htfcr seimms wc mc`rl fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn, subf `s tfc cx`kpmc I a`vc ghr mc`rlila th pm`y ` kusib`m ilstrukclt, tfc g`bthrs tf`t ulncrmic yhur `oimity th prhdcbt `rc prik`rimy psybfhmhaib`m . G`bthrs subf `s iltcmmiaclbc, pcrshl`mity, ckhtihl`m k`ec-up, shbi`m uporilaila, `ln yhur ocmicg systck `rc `mm ahila th oc nctcrkil`lts il fhw f`rn hr fhw c`sy it is ghr yhu th prhdcbt. Rh, ghr cx`kpmc, cx`kpmc, yhu nhl't rc`mmy f`vc th bf`lac yhur ocmicgs th mc`rl pm`y `l th ilstrukclt hr thyhur mc`rlocmicgs th pm`y Fhwcvcr, wfcl th yhu mc`rl `str`m prhdcbt, `rco`sco`mm. britib`m. Ig yhu fhmn bcrt`il ocmicgs it wimm oc ikphssiomc ghr yhu th `str`m prhdcbt (i.c. ig yhu `rc ` tht`mmy bylib`m k`tcri`mist). Htfcr ocmicgs bhumn phtclti`mmy mc`n yhu th f`rk wfcl yhu mc`rl th `str`m prhdcbt (i.c. ig yhu `rc ` st`ulbf Bfristi`l wfh ocmicvcs il Fcmm - yhu dust kiaft giln yhurscmg il Fcmm nurila ` prhdcbtihl `ln sb`rc tfc **** hut hg yhurscmg!). Rh, tfis is dust `lhtfcr w`y th s`y wf`t I s`in c`rmicr5 wfcl yhu mc`rl th `str`m prhdcbt, yhu `rc cko`reila hl ` dhurlcy hg scmg-tr`lsghrk`tihl th th shkc cxtclt hr `lhtfcr. Lhw, tfcrc is lh c`sy w`y th nctcrkilc ig yhu `rc ` pcrshl th wfhk `str`m prhdcbtihl bhkcs c`simy hr ig yhu `rc tfc eiln hg pcrshl wfh f`s th whre f`rn f`rn `t `bficvila ` prhdcbtihl. @t tfc vcry cln hg tfcsc lhtcs I wimm nisbuss fhw yhu b`l usc `strhmhay th nctcrkilc yhur prhpclsity thw`rns f`vila `l HHOC. Out tfcsc `strhmhaib`m kctfhns hg nctcrkilila fhw miecmy yhu `rc th f`vc ` prhdcbtihl `rc hlmy ilnib`thrs. @ln gurtfcrkhrc, tfcsc `strhmhaib`m kctfhns `rc mikitcn oy tfc `bbur`by hg `strhmhay, `ln il p`rtibum`r oy tfc `bbur`by hg tfc iltcrprct`tihl hg yhur bf`rt (rc`nila bf`rts isl't c`sy th st`rt witf, mct `mhlc usila ` bf`rt th nctcrkilc ig yhu b`l `str`m prhdcbt hr lht.) Cvcl ig yhur bf`rt prcnibts tf`t it whumn oc c`sy ghr yhu`ln th prhdcbt, tfispr`btibc is stimm lh ghrultim mc`rlila tfc riaft kctfhns ghr fhlcst fhlcst `lnsuostitutc whre. Rh, yhu b`l prhvc htfcrwisc, it's ocst lht th am`khrizc yhur phtclti`m seimms `t `str`m prhdcbtihl. It's ocst dus dustt th `ssukc tf`t, `s `l `vcr`ac pcrshl, yhu wimm f`vc th put shkc whre `ln cgghrt ilth yhur `ttckpts th `str`m prhdcbt. Rh, tfis s`in, mct's act ilth tfc "fhw th" hg `str`m prhdcbtihl. I supphsc it t`ecs shkc hg tfc kystiquc `ln cxbitckclt hut hg `str`m prhdcbtila wfcl wc rc`mizc tf`t wc vcry ilstilbtivcmy, `ln ulbhlsbihusmy `str`m prhdcbt `mm tfc tikc. Cxbcpt il tfis b`sc wc nhl't "`str`m prhdcbtila". I `k rcgcrrila th, bhursc,b`mmis tfc tfc `btivity vcry bhkkhl prhbcss tf`tQf`t wc b`mm "nrc`kila". @shgI >6
s`in `ohvc, N_C@KR @LN @R^_@M Z_HDCB^IHLR @_C WC_Y BMHRCMY _CM@^CN. Il ` lutsfcmm, nrc`ks `rc SLBHLRBIHSR (hr yhu bhumn s`y "ilstilbtivc") `str`m prhdcbtihls, `ln `str`m prhdcbtihls `rc BHLRBIHSR nrc`ks. Mct us lhw cxpmhrc tfis lhtihl il nct`im. Cvcry hlc hg us nrc`ks cvcry liaft. Qc k`y lht rckckocr hur nrc`ks tfc ghmmhwila khrlila, out tfis nhcs lht kc`l tf`t wc nin lht nrc`k. Yhu b`l t`ec it ghr ar`ltcn tf`t yhu nrc`k `t liaft, wfctfcr yhu rckckocr it hr lht. Qfcl I nisbusscn tfchry `ohvc, I s`in ` bhupmc hg tfilas `ohut nrc`ks. Girst I s`in tf`t psybfhmhaists nh lht f`vc ` ahhn cxpm`l`tihl hg wf`t nrc`ks `rc. It w`s `msh st`tcn tf`t hbbumtists bm`ik tf`t tfc `bt hg nrc`kila is ` tr`lsgcr hg hur bhlsbihuslcss grhk tfc pfysib`m pm`lc th tfc `str`m pm`lc. ^fc ohtthk milc is, LH HLC ELHQR GH_ RS_C QF@^ N_C@KR @_C. Out tfc libc tfila `ohut tfis is tf`t it nhcsl't k`ttcr ig lh hlc elhws wf`t nrc`ks `rc, ocb`usc wc CVZC_ICLBC nrc`ks ghr hurscmvcs. Rh, wc b`l cxpmhrc `lnthstuny hur hwl nrc`ks nircbtmy, `ln hur grhk tfcsc cxpmhr`tihls bhkc hur hwl bhlbmusihls `ohut wf`t nrc`ks `rc lht. Lhw, p`rt hg tfc prhomck is `ttitunc. Il hur shbicty il aclcr`m nrc`ks `rcl't aivcl kubf brcnclbc. Qc aclcr`mmy `sshbi`tc nrc`ks witf g`lt`sy `ln ulrc`mity. Qc ncgilitcmy nh LH^ t`ec nrc`ks `s scrihusmy `s hur pfysib`m w`eila migc. Hr, ig wc nh t`ec nrc`ks scrihusmy it's usu`mmy `t tfc mcvcm hg tfhsc nrc`k iltcrprct`tihl ohhes yhu scc il tfc supcrk`rect bfcbehut milcs wfibf prhvinc yhu witf p`t, sikpmc-kilncn cxpm`l`tihls hg wf`t yhur nrc`ks kc`l. Hl khrc "iltcmmcbtu`m" mcvcms, wc rul ilth Grcuni`l hr Dulai`l-o`scn inc`s, lcoumhus inc`s tf`t nh mittmc th `nnrcss tfc bhlbrctc g`bt tf`t wc `mm nrc`k. ^fcsc typcs hg inc`s, tf`t gghbus hbus hl tfc sykohmisk hr kc`lila hg nrc`ks, ikphrt`lt tfhuaf tfcsc vicws `rc il shkc rcspcbts, ikpmibitmy ncly tfc bhlbrctc rc`mity hg tfc g`bt tf`t hur nrc`ks `rc rc`m cxpcriclbcs tf`t f`ppcl th hur bhlsbihuslcss. It's irhlib wfcl yhu tfile `ohut it. Hur shbicty, witf its pfysib`m sbiclbcs, f`s ilbrcniomc elhwmcnac `ln bhltrhm hvcr tfc pfysib`m ghrbcs hg L`turc (`mocit ` tcluhus `ln pcrf`ps ncmuncn sclsc hg bhltrhm), yct, witf hur pr`btib`m `ln mitcr`m kclt`mity, wc wc nhl't t`ec tfc g`bt tf`t wc nrc`k mitcr`mmy. Nrc`ks, >9
`rc "sykohmib", "suodcbtivc", "psybfhmhaib`m", wfibf ikpmics tfcy `rc lht rc`m, lht hodcbtivc cvclts. Rh, riaft grhk tfc st`rt wc prctty kubf f`vc ouimt ilth us oy hur vcry shbicty ` o`n `ttitunc `ttitunc `ohut hur nrc`k cxpcriclbcs. Rilbc shbicty `s ` wfhmc nhcsl't t`ec nrc`ks thh scrihusmy tfis brc`tcs ` situ`tihl wfcrc wc `rc, o`sib`mmy, bhkpmctcmy ialhr`lt hg tfc l`turc hg hur nrc`k cxpcriclbc. ^fus, tfc girst tfila yhu, `s ` phtclti`m `str`m prhdcbthr, lccn th nh is th BF@LAC YHS_ INC@R @LN @^^I^SNCR @OHS^ @OHS^ QF@^ YHS_ N_C@KR N_C@KR @_C. Bhlsincr tfis4 Qfcl yhu nrc`k, yhu `rc shkcwfcrc nhila shkctfila . _iaft8 _iaft8 Qfcrcvcr yhu `rc wfcl yhu nrc`k, nrc`k, yhu ncgilitcmy CVIR^, riaft8 ^filas `rc ahila hl il yhur nrc`ks4 yhu `rc nhila tfilas, iltcr`btila witf htfcr pchpmc, ocila ilvhmvcn il situ`tihls, ctb. Rh, th s`y nrc`ks `rcl't rc`m gmics riaft il tfc g`bc hg yhur nircbt cxpcriclbc. Ghr, wfcl yhu nrc`k, yhu `rc cxpcriclbila shkctfila . Qf`t yhu f`vc th rc`mizc rc`mizc is tf`t YHS_ YHS_ N_C@KR N_C@KR @_C _C@M CVZC_ICLBCR CVZC_ICLBCR HG YHS_ BHLRBIHSRLCRR. BHLRBIHSRLCRR. O`sib`mmy, wc `mm mivc ` nibfhthkhus migc. Qc mivc twh mivcs. Hlc migc wc mivc fcrc il tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. ^fc scbhln migc wc mivc il tfc whrmn whrmn wfcrc hur nrc`ks hbbur. ^fcy `rc ohtf _C@M. ^fcy `rc vcry niggcrclt grhk c`bf htfcr, out c`bf migc is tht`mmy `ln bhkpmctcmy rc`m IL I^R HQL ^C_KR. Rcc, tfc prhomck prhomck witf fhw wc mhhe `t hur nrc`k migc stcks grhk tfc g`bt tf`t wc try th iltcrprct it il tcrks hg hur pfysib`m migc. Hur pfysib`m migc f`s bcrt`il bf`r`btcristibs, tfc khst o`sib `ln ikphrt`lt hg wfibf is hur cxpcriclbc hg RZ@BC `ln ^IKC. Ohtf sp`bc `ln tikc f`vc vcry ncgilitc prhpcrtics il hur lhrk`m w`eila migc, `ln hur cltirc kiln `ln pcrbcptihl `rc bhlnitihlcn oy tfc prhpcrtics hg sp`bc `ln tikc `s wc elhw tfck fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Ghr cx`kpmc, cx`kpmc, wc b`llht scc `rhuln ` bhrlcr fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. whrmn. Lhr b`l wc ah o`bew`rns il tikc. tikc. ^ikc is `l hvcrphwcrila g`bthr il hur w`eila cxpcriclbc. Qc wcrc `mm ohrl, wc `rc `mm `aila, `ln wc sf`mm `mm arhw hmn `ln nic5 ^ikc. ^fcsc tfilas `rc sh guln`kclt`m, wc t`ec tfck bhkpmctcmy ghr ar`ltcn. Lhw, aivcl fhw guln`kclt`m tikc `ln sp`bc `rc, `ln aivcl tfc g`bt tf`t wc t`ec tikc `ln sp`bc sh ghr ar`ltcn, wf`t wc nh tfcl is iltcrprct hur nrc`ks il tcrks hg hur pfysib`m cxpcriclbc witf `ln HS_ tikc. NI_CB^ @ln hg bhursc, `s c`bf `lnhur cvcry hlc k`ec hg us elhwssp`bc G_HK CVZC_ICLBC, nrc`ks 3:
lh sclsc wf`tshcvcr ig wc tfile hg tfck il tcrks hg hur cxpcriclbcs fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. whrmn. Rh, tfc lhrk`m "elcc dcre" rc`btihl is th bhlbmunc tf`t nrc`ks `rc LH^ rc`m, silbc, hovihusmy, hur pfysib`m cxpcriclbc IR rc`m. Qcmm, tfis `ttitunc `ssukcs thh kubf `ln t`ecs w`y thh kubf ghr ar`ltcn. Isl't it bhkpmctcmy phssiomc tf`t tfcrc is ` mhaib th hur cxpcriclbc il tfc whrmn hg nrc`ks, ` mhaib hg its hwl tf`t bhumn oc NIGGC_CL^ grhk hur pfysib`m w`eila cxpcriclbc8 Bhumn it oc tf`t, il tfc whrmn hg nrc`ks, sp`bc `ln tikc ocf`vc NIGGC_CL^MY tf`l tfcy nh fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn8 Bhumn it oc, pcrf`ps, tf`t tfc pm`bc wfcrc nrc`ks hbbur is ilnccn ` whrmn hg its hwl, ` bhkpmctcmy l`tur`m whrmn witf its hwl m`ws hg sp`bc `ln tikc8 Rubf tfileila t`ecs us riaft o`be th tfc hbbumt inc` hg tfc pm`lcs. ^fc `str`m pm`lc is tfc whrmn il wfibf nrc`ks hbbur, `ln it is ` whrmn NIGGC_CL^ grhk tfis pfysib`m whrmn, wfibf hpcr`tcs `bbhrnila th m`ws hg L`turc niggcrclt grhk (out rcm`tcn th) tfc m`ws hg L`turc tf`t thh tf`t fcrcQf`t hl tfc tfc pfysib`m I nh is lht th ah hgg hl tfis thpcr`tc hh nccpmy. I `k tryilapm`lc. th nh fcrc th thw`lt cxphsc `ttituncs tf`t tf`t wc `mm phsscss `ln t`ec t`ec ghr ar`ltcn. ^fc ohtthk milc hg wf`t I'k acttila `t is tryila th fcmp yhu, tfc rc`ncr, rc`mizc tf`t it IR vcry phssiomc th tfile hg yhur nrc`ks `s hodcbtivc cxpcriclbcs hbburrila shkcwfcrc. Qfctfcr yhu ouy ilth hbbumt inc`s hr lht nhcsl't k`ttcr. Qf`t k`ttcrs is tf`t yhu st`rt th t`ec yhur nrc`ks scrihusmy, tf`t yhu ocail th `pprcbi`tc tf`t, wfcl yhu nrc`k, YHS @_C F@WILA CVZC_ICLBCR CVZC_ICLBCR ^F@^ @_C @_C DSR^ @R _C@M @R YHS_ CVZC_ICLBCR CVZC_ICLBCR FC_C IL ^FC ^FC ZFYRIB@M QH_MN. QH_MN. ^fis m`st st`tckclt yhu lccn th iltcrl`mizc, cspcbi`mmy th oc `omc th scc tfc iltik`tc bhllcbtihl octwccl yhur nrc`ks `ln yhur `str`m prhdcbtihls. Rh, wfctfcr yhu w`lt th ocmicvc tf`t yhur nrc`ks `rc cxpcriclbcs dust `s rc`m `s yhur y hur cxpcriclbc hg rc`nila tfcsc whrns hr lht, I'k ahila th f`vc th `ssukc yhu wimm `t mc`st prctcln ghr tfc tikc ocila tf`t tfis is tfc b`sc sh I b`l ah hl witf tfc nisbussihl. F`vila cst`omisfcn tf`t hur nrc`ks `rc rc`m `ln hodcbtivc cxpcriclbcs miec hur pfysib`m cxpcriclbcs, wc lccn th mhhe bmhscmy `t tfc rcm`tihlsfip octwccl tfcsc nu`m mivcs tf`t wc `mm mivc. Mct's lhw mhhe `t shkc g`bts `ohut nrc`kila. 30
^fcrc `rc twh g`bts tf`t wc lccn th bhlsincr, `ln c`bf hg tfcsc is shkctfila wc f`vc nircbtmy cxpcriclbcn. Khst ikphrt`ltmy, wc wimm scc tf`t tfc ecy fcrc is kckhry. Girst g`bt4 wc nh lht, `s ` rumc, rckckocr hur nrc`ks `s wcmm `s wc rckckocr hur pfysib`m cxpcriclbcs. Rcbhln g`bt4 Qfcl wc `rc nrc`kila wc aclcr`mmy nh lht rckckocr tfc g`bts hg hur pfysib`m migc, lhr nh wc cvcl rc`mizc wc `rc nrc`kila `ln tf`t wc cvcl mivc ` pfysib`m migc .
Ohtf hg tfcsc `rc `oshmutcmy truc. I f`vc cxpcriclbcn tfis, `ln sh f`vc f`vc yhu, `s `s f`s cvcry htfcr fuk`l hl tfis pm`lct. ^fcsc `rc ohtf vcry bhkkhl g`bts `ohut hur cxistclbc. Qf`t wc lccn th `se is4 Qf`t nh tfcsc g`bts kc`l 8 Girst hgg, tfcsc twh g`bts `rc twh hg tfc k`il rc`shls wc nhl't trc`t hur nrc`k nrc`k migc `s ocila cqu`m th hur w`eila migc. ^fcrc is lh bhltiluity octwccl hur nrc`k `ln w`eila mivcs. Ghr tfc `vcr`ac pcrshl, tfc nrc`k `ln w`eila mivcs `rc khstmy scp`r`tc grhk c`bf htfcr. Rurc, hlc k`y nrc`k hg cvclts wfibf hbburrcn wfcl `w`ec, `ln cvcl r`rcr, hlc k`y rckckocr nrc`k cvclts tf`t `rc rcmcv`lt th hlc's w`eila migc (subf `s ncd` vu ghr cx`kpmc, hr k`yoc ` nrc`k prckhlitihl). Aclcr`mmy spc`eila tfhuaf, tfis nisbhltiluity octwccl hur nrc`k `ln w`eila migc is tfc k`il tfila tf`t prcvclts hur pfysib`m pcrshl`mity grhk INCL^IGYILA witf fis hr fcr nrc`k pcrshl`mity. Qc b`l mhhe `t tfcsc twh g`bts grhk `lhtfcr `lamc tfhuaf, `ln tf`t is il tcrks hg tfc rcm`tihlsfip octwccl hur w`eila `ln nrc`k scmvcs. Qf`t is tfc hlc tfila tf`t b`l rcm`tc hur w`eila pcrshl`mity witf witf hur nrc`k pcrshl`mity8 ^f`t tfila tfila is KCKH_Y. Kckhry is `mm ikphrt`lt il tfis `str`m prhdcbtihl ousilcss. @s g`r `s I f`vc nisbhvcrcn th tfis philt ^FC HLMY ^FILA YHS B@L ^@EC O@BE @LN GH_^F OC^QCCL OC^QCCL ^FC ZFYRIB@M @LN LHLZFYRIB@M QH_MNR QH_MNR IR YHS_ KCKH_Y. KCKH_Y. Mhhe `t tfhsc twh g`bts I mistcn `ohvc. Qf`t nh tfcy f`vc il bhkkhl8 Kckhry. Qc b`llht rckckocr hur nrc`k cxpcriclbcs wfcl wc `rc fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn, lhr nh wc rckckocr hur pfysib`m cxpcriclbcs wfcl wc `rc il tfc nrc`k whrmn. Mc`rlila th `str`m prhdcbt prhdcbt wimm bf`lac `mm tfis ghr ghr yhu. Fcrc lhw is ` vcry gulbtihl`m ncgilitihl hg wf`t `str`m prhdcbtihl rc`mmy is4 @R^_@M Z_HDCB^IHL 3?
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^fis is ` oia tikc pr`btib`m st`tckclt, ghmes! Ig yhu bhkc th mc`rl tfc trutf hg tfis st`tckclt oy nircbt cxpcriclbc, tfcl yhu wimm oc ` ohl` ginc `str`m prhdcbthr! Lhw, ghr tfc girst tikc il tfcsc lhtcs wc `rc rc`ny th ncgilc wf`t `l `str`m prhdcbtihl is. It is ` nrc`k, out @L @R^_@M Z_HDCB^IHL IR @ N_C@K IL QFIBF YHS @_C GSMMY @Q@_C HG YHS_ Q@EILA MIGC. Rcc, tfc tcrk "mubin nrc`k" lhrk`mmy rcgcrs th ` nrc`k il wfibf yhu `rc `w`rc tf`t yhu `rc nrc`kila. Qcmm, tfis is gilc `ln `mm, out rc`mizila tf`t yhu `rc nrc`kila nhcsl't kc`l yhu rc`mizc yhur scmg-incltity th tfc s`kc cxtclt yhu nh wfimc yhu `rc `w`ec. Il ` gumm-sb`mc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc, yhur scmg-incltity il tfc prhdcbtihl is incltib`m th yhur scmg-incltity wfcl wfcl `w`ec fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. ^fis is wf`t I `k tryila th tc`bf yhu fhw th `bficvc fcrc4 fhw th t`ec yhur w`eila incltity ilth tfc whrmn wfcrc nrc`ks hbbur. Yhu b`l b`mm tfis `l HHOC ig yhu `l `str`m hr ` mubin nrc`k. I nhl't b`rc wf`t yhu w`lt, b`mm it,hrI hlmy b`rcprhdcbtihl, tf`t yhu ulncrst`ln wf`t it is yhu `rc tryila th nh. @ln `a`il QF@^ YHS @_C ^_YILA ^H NH IR ^@EC YHS_ Q@EILA KILN IL^H ^FC N_C@K QH_MN. Qitf tfis ulncrst`lnila yhu `rc lhw il ` phsitihl th rc`mizc tf`t ^FC_C IR @ RZCB^_SK HG @Q@_CLCRR OC^QCCL N_C@KR @LN @R^_@M Z_HDCB^IHLR. @l `str`m prhdcbtihl is LH^ ` but `ln nry tfila. It is LH^ ` tfila bhkpmctcmy niggcrclt grhk nrc`kila. Nrc`ks omccn ikpcrbcptiomy ilth `str`m prhdcbtihls. ^fc britcri` th nctcrkilc ig yhur cxpcriclbc is khrc ` nrc`k hr khrc `l `str`m prhdcbtihl is4 th wf`t cxtclt f`vc yhu orhuaft yhur w`eila incltity ilt ilth h tfc nrc`k whrmn8 whrmn8 Yhu b`l nh tfis khrc hr mcss. Ghr kc pcrshl`mmy, I f`vc bhlnitihlcn kyscmg th rcbhalizc wfcl I `k il tfc nrc`k whrmn. Hlbc I rcbhalizc I `k il tfc nrc`k whrmn, tfcl I bhlsincr kyscmg "mubin", `ln I rcbhrn tfc cxpcriclbc il ky `str`m prhdcbtihl dhurl`m. ^f`t is th s`y, I nr`w tfc milc octwccl ky nrc`ks `ln ky `str`m prhdcbtihls wfcl I bhlsbihusmy rcbhalizc I `k il tfc nrc`k whrmn nurila ` nrc`k. _`rcmy, I k`y lht cvcl rckckocr ky l`kc, out ig I rckckocr tf`t I'k "il tf`t pm`bc `a`il", tfcl tf`t is ky
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britcri` th s`y I f`vc f`n ` prhdcbtihl (hr HHOC hr wf`tcvcr yhu w`lt th b`mm it). Qfcl I prhdcbt, I rckckocr vcry bmc`rmy wfh I `k il ^FIR pfysib`m whrmn. I rcbhalizc tf`t it is kc, Nhl, out I rc`mizc th shkc cxtclt hr `lhtfcr tf`t Nhl is lh mhlacr il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. I rc`mizc tf`t I `k il shkc htfcr whrmn. ^h oc `oshmutcmy fhlcst witf `mm hg yhu, wfcl I `k il ` prhdcbtihl I `k bhkpmctcmy `k`zcn. ^f`t is tfc k`il tfila I gccm wfimc prhdcbtila4 `k`zckclt. I'k `k`zcn tf`t I `k kc, out I `k lht il tfc g`kimi`r whrmn I elhw. I st`ln tfcrc (hr gmh`t, hr gmy) `ln hgtcl, witf iltclsc burihsity dust whlncr wfcrc tfc fcmm I `k `t. It is ky burihsity `ohut wfcrc I `k `t tf`t nrivcs ky ocf`vihr il ky `str`m prhdcbtihls (khst hg tfc tikc `t mc`st). I wimm w`lncr w`lncr `ohut `ln cxpmhrc ky clvirhlkclt. I wimm t`me t`me th tfc pchpmc I kcct `ln `se tfck qucstihls. Ig I scc ohhes I wimm try th rc`n tfck (rc`nila is `btu`mmy vcry niggibumt ghr kc il ` prhdcbtihl). I wimm st stuny uny wfcrc I `k `t `s bmhscmy `s I b`l. ^f`t is wf`t I nh il prhdcbtihls, `ln it is ocb`usc it is kc, Nhl, tfc auy writila tfcsc whrns riaft lhw, out I'k lht il tfis whrmn - I'k shkcwfcrc cmsc. @ln it dust `k`zcs tfc fcmm hut hg kc. @msh, hgtcl il ky prhdcbtihls, I rckckocr wf`t I'vc rc`n il v`rihus ohhes `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl `ln I'mm try th nh tfc tfilas I'vc rc`n `ohut. ^fis is hlc rc`mmy ikphrt`lt rc`shl ghr rc`nila `s kubf `s yhu b`l `ohut prhdcbtila4 it aivcs yhu inc`s ghr tfilas th nh. Il tfc lcxt scbtihl I wimm hggcr shkc suaacstihls hg wf`t yhu b`l nh hlbc yhu `rc mubin il tfc nrc`k whrmn. ^h tic `mm tfis thactfcr `t tfis philt, wf`t yhu `rc tryila th `bbhkpmisf is th t`ec yhur w`eila pcrshl`mity ilth yhur nrc`ks. Qf`t tfis kc`ls is yhu w`lt th ouimn orinacs octwccl yhur w`eila `ln nrc`k pcrshl`mitics. O`sib`mmy, `lytfila tf`t wimm fcmp yhu strclatfcl tfc bhllcbtihl octwccl yhur w`eila pcrshl`mity `ln yhur nrc`k pcrshl`mity wimm fcmp yhu ocbhkc `l `str`m prhdcbthr. @ln, `s tfis scbtihl hg tfc lhtcs is cltitmcn "Ssila Nrc`ks @s @ Rprilaoh`rn ^h @str`m Zrhdcbtila", mct's lhw mhhe `t wf`t yhu b`l nh il tfis rca`rn. O`sib`mmy, `mm hg yhur cgghrts wimm st`rt witf yhur pfysib`m pcrshl`mity. ^f`t is, YHS, tfc pcrshl rc`nila tfcsc whrns, f`s th k`ec tfc cgghrt th orc`e nhwl tfc o`rricr tf`t burrcltmy cxists octwccl yhu `ln tfc htfcr yhu tf`t mivcs il tfc nrc`k whrmn wfcl tfc w`eila yhu smccps. ^fcrc is rc`mmy hlmy hlc ocila ulncrmyila 3>
tfcsc twh mivcs, `ln tf`t ocila is tfc arc`tcr "yhu" il wfibf tfc w`eila `ln nrc`k pcrshl`mitics nwcmm.
^filas Yhu B`l Nh _ckckocr yhur nrc`ks.
^fis is rc`mmy `l ikphrt`lt girst stcp. Yhu kiaft w`lt th eccp ` nrc`k dhurl`m (`s nistilbt grhk eccpila `l `str`m prhdcbtihl dhurl`m) dust ocb`usc hg tfc sikpmc g`bt tf`t writila nrc`ks nhwl wimm fcmp yhu rckckocr tfck octtcr. @lhtfcr cxcrbisc th nh is tfis4 wfcl yhu w`ec up il tfc khrlila, ocghrc yhu nh `lytfila `t `mm, dust m`y tfcrc il ocn, rcm`x `ln try th rckckocr `s kubf `s yhu b`l `ohut yhur nrc`ks grhk tf`t liaft. Omhbe hut `ly htfcr tfhuafts tf`t bhkc ilth yhur kiln. Hgtcl wfcl yhu w`ec up yhu ikkcni`tcmy st`rt tfileila `ohut wf`t yhu `rc ahila th nh tf`t n`y. Qcmm, nhl't nh tf`t. Omhbe tfhsc tfhuafts hut. Ilstc`n, dust rcm`x `ln bhlbcltr`tc hl yhur nrc`ks. Ssu`mmy wfcl wc w`ec up wc f`vc `t mc`st ` tr`bc hg rckckor`lbc hg tf`t liaft's nrc`ks. Ig yhu dust rcm`x `ln ghbus hl wf`t mittmc yhu nh rckckocr, yhu'mm oc surpriscn th nisbhvcr tf`t `uthk`tib`mmy yhu wimm ocail th rcb`mm htfcr p`rts hg tfc nrc`k. Ohtf hg tfcsc cxcrbiscs wimm fcmp strclatfcl tfc kckhry bhllcbtihl octwccl yhur w`eila `ln nrc`k pcrshl`mitics. ^fis is vcry ikphrt`lt, ghr wfcl yhu st`rt prhdcbtila, it is britib`m tf`t yhu rckckocr wf`t yhu nin nurila tfc prhdcbtihl hlbc yhu rcturl fcrc th tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. It's lh ahhn ig yhu prhdcbt, out ghract `mm `ohut yhur prhdcbtihl hlbc yhur bhlsbihuslcss is o`be il tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Ig tfis f`ppcls, yhu'vc o`sib`mmy w`stcn yhur tikc. ^`ec ky whrn ghr it, it is vcry c`sy th ghract yhur prhdcbtihls hlbc yhu f`vc rcturlcn rcturlcn o`be fcrc th tfc pfysib`m whrmn. It f`s f`ppclcn th kc ` lukocr hg tikcs. @ohvc I s`in tf`t hlbc yhu rcturl grhk ` prhdcbtihl yhu wimm w`lt th rcbhrn wf`t f`ppclcn th yhu nurila tfc prhdcbtihl. Qcmm, tfc `mm- ikphrt`lt prcmunc th rcbhrnila yhur prhdcbtihls is rckckocrila tfck. Ig yhu nhl't rckckocr yhur prhdcbtihls, yhu b`llht writc tfck nhwl. Hlbc yhu st`rt prhdcbtila, lht hlmy nh yhu w`lt th act il tfc f`oit hg rcbhrnila yhur cxpcriclbcs, yhu `msh w`lt th act ilth 33
tfc f`oit hg tryila th rckckocr yhur prhdcbtihl `s bhkpmctcmy `s phssiomc hlbc yhu rcturl th tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Qf`t wimm f`ppcl is tf`t tfc cln hg yhur prhdcbtihl wimm oc k`recn oy yhu rcturlila th yhur ohny. Yhu wimm elhw yhu f`vc rcturlcn th yhur ohny ocb`usc yhu wimm gccm yhur ohny myila il ocn, hr fhwcvcr yhur ohny f`ppcls th oc situ`tcn. Hlbc yhu gccm yhurscmg o`be il yhur ohny, tfc `oshmutc girst tfila yhu w`lt th nh is cx`btmy wf`t I s`in th nh wfcl yhu w`ec up il tfc khrlila4 rcm`x `ln try th rckckocr `s kubf `s yhu b`l `ohut wf`t hbburrcn nurila tfc prhdcbtihl. prhdcbtihl. ^fis k`y t`ec up th 3 kilutcs. ^fcl, hlbc yhu'vc rckckocrcn `s kubf `s yhu b`l, yhu wimm w`lt th act riaft up `ln writc nhwl cvcrytfila yhu rckckocr. @ln `a`il, dust miec witf nrc`kila, ig yhu t`ec tfcsc girst gcw khkclts th rcm`x `ln try rckckocrila yhur `str`m prhdcbtihl, yhu wimm oc `k`zcn `t fhw c`simy yhu b`l rckckocr wf`t f`ppclcn th yhu. ^fc nct`ims hg tfc prhdcbtihl wimm dust phur ilth yhur kiln. Out yhu f`vc th `mmhw tfis th f`ppcl. Ig yhu dust w`ec riaft up `ln k`ecghract lh `ttckpt th rckckocr, bf`lbcs `rc vcry ahhn tf`t yhu wimm k`ly tfilas tf`t yhutfcl bhumn b humn f`vc htfcrwisc rckckocrcn c`simy. @a`il, tfis is lcbcss`ry nisbipmilc ghr ocila subbcssgum witf `str`m prhdcbtila. I rc`mmy w`lt th strcss fhw c`sy it is th ghract yhur prhdcbtihls hlbc yhu'vc rcturlcn fcrc th tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Hvcr tikc, `s I ocb`kc octtcr `t prhdcbtila, `ln `gtcr f`vila bhkpmctcmy ghrahttcl ` gcw rc`mmy ahhn prhdcbtihls `mkhst uphl w`eila, I `btu`mmy aht ilth tfc f`oit hg rckckocrila ky prhdcbtihl wfimc I w`s stimm il it! ^fcrc f`vc occl ` lukocr hg tikcs wfcl I w`s prhdcbtila tf`t I whumn dust sit il tfc prhdcbtihl `ln k`ec ` kclt`m lhtc hg cvcrytfila tf`t f`n f`ppclcn th kc up th tf`t philt il tfc prhdcbtihl witf tfc cxpmibit purphsc hg rckckocrila it hlbc I w`s o`be il tfc pfysib`m. I f`vc cvcl cvcl f`n prhdcbtihls prhdcbtihls wfcrc I mitcr`mmy wrhtc nhwl wf`t w`s f`ppclila th kc nurila tfc prhdcbtihl! I'k scrihus `ohut tfis5 I whumn giln p`pcr `ln pclbim il tfc nrc`k whrmn `ln writc nhwl wf`t w`s f`ppclila th kc riaft il tfc kinnmc hg ky prhdcbtihl! Lccnmcss th s`y, k`eila subf cgghrt th rckckocr ky prhdcbtihl wfimc I `k `btu`mmy il it k`ecs it c`sicr th rckckocr hlbc I `k o`be fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Rh, tfis is shkctfila yhu k`y w`lt th try hlbc yhu giln yhurscmg mubin il tfc nrc`k whrmn4 k`ec vcry bmc`r kclt`m lhtcs th 37
yhurscmg hg wf`t is f`ppclila th yhu witf tfc cxpmibit purphsc hg rcbhrnila tfis ilghrk`tihl hlbc yhu rcturl fcrc th tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Rcmg-bhlnitihlila cxcrbiscs.
^fcrc `rc htfcr cxcrbiscs yhu b`l nh th strclatfcl tfc kckhry bhllcbtihl octwccl yhur nrc`k cxcrbiscs. `ln w`eila scmg. scmg.`rcI vcry wimm lhw nisbuss wf`t I b`mm "scmg-bhlnitihlila" ^fcsc ikphrt`lt `ln ghrk tfc o`sib tcbfliquc ghr ocbhkila mubin il ` nrc`k. Qf`t I `k `ohut th s`y lhw `rc tfc bhkkhl inc`s yhu wimm giln il tcbfliquc ohhes `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl (c.a., scc _hah, Hpficm, `ln Ghx il tfc oiomihar`pfy) ghr usila nrc`ks `s ` kc`ls th `str`m prhdcbt. "Rcmg-bhlnitihlila cxcrbisc" kc`ls yhu `rc th pm`lt suaacstihls il yhur kiln. kiln. ^fc inc` inc` is tf`t ig yhu eccp tcmmila yhurscmg tfcsc tfilas tfilas mhla clhuaf, tfcl tfcy wimm f`ppcl. ^fcrc `rc twh suaacstihls yhu w`lt th bhlvilbc yhurscmg hg4 0. Yhu wimm ocbhkc ocbhkc mubin il ` nrc`k. ?. Yhu wimm giln bmucs il tfc nrc`k itscmg th triaacr hgg yhur mubinity. Mct's nisbuss nisbuss c`bf hg tfcsc il turl. Yhu kust bhlvilbc yhurscmg tf`t yhu wimm prhdcbt. Hlmy il r`rc b`scs wimm ` pcrshl sphlt`lchusmy prhdcbt. Ghr khst hg us, it rcquircs ` strhla ncsirc th w`lt th `bficvc tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc ghr it th f`ppcl. Il _hah's ohhe "Mc`vila tfc Ohny" fc b`mms tfis tfc "Ncsirc Kctfhn", `ln o`scs tfis kctfhn hl inc`s ncsbriocn il `lhtfcr `str`m prhdcbtihl ohhe oy ` Grclbfk`l l`kcn Yr`k. Qf`t tfis kctfhn clt`ims is bhlst`ltmy ncsirila th `str`m prhdcbt. Yhu w`lt th tfile `ohut prhdcbtila `s kubf `s phssiomc nurila yhur w`eila fhurs. Yhu w`lt th tcmm yhurscmg subf tfilas `s, "I wimm prhdcbt", "I `k ahila th mc`rl fhw th prhdcbt", ctb. @ln wf`t's khrc, yhu b`l't dust s`y tfcsc tfilas th yhurscmg f`mg-fc`rtcnmy, yhu f`vc th rc`mmy whre yhurscmg up ilth ocmicvila tfcsc st`tckclts. Yhu f`vc th ncvcmhp `l `mkhst stuoohrl pcrsistclbc tf`t, bhkc fcmm hr fiaf w`tcr, yhu wimm prhdcbt. ^fcrc `rc twh tfilas yhu `rc nhila fcrc. Girst, yhu `rc `nkittila th yhurscmg tf`t prhdcbtihl ` rc`m ^fis is vcry ikphrt`lt ocb`usc `ly`str`m secptibisk yhu is f`vc wimmtfila. hlmy prcvclt 31
yhu grhk prhdcbtila. Oy tcmmila yhurscmg tf`t `str`m prhdcbtila is phssiomc `ln tf`t yhu wimm nh nh it, yhu `rc hpclila up tfc phssioimity il yhur kiln. Miec `lytfila cmsc, yhu f`vc th ocmicvc ` tfila is phssiomc th nh it. ^fc htfcr tfila yhu `rc nhila fcrc is kustcrila up tfc phwcr hg ncsirc. @s wc `mm elhw, elhw, wfcl wc trumy trumy ncsirc ` tfila, tfila, wc hot`il it kubf khrc rc`nimy tf`l tfc tfilas wc nhl't b`rc `ohut. Ncsirc is ` vcry strhla phwcr il fuk`l `gg`irs. Hbbumtisk tc`bfcs fhw th bhltrhm ncsirc th `bficvc yhur clns (tfis is `msh `l ikphrt`lt p`rt hg ritu`m ritu`m k`aib). Qf`t yhu `rc nhila oy ouimnila up tfc ncsirc th `str`m prhdcbt is puttila tfc phwcr hg ncsirc ocfiln yhur cgghrts. Il ` sclsc tfis is miec ` ohhstcr rhbect hl ` sp`bc sfip. Ncsirc `nns cxtr` phwcr th yhur `ttckpts th prhdcbt. Ncsirila th rc`mmy `bficvc ` prhdcbtihl b`l k`ec tfc niggcrclbc octwccl ocila subbcssgum hr ocila ulsubbcssgum il yhur `ttckpts th prhdcbt. I elhw tfc trutf hg tfis grhk pcrshl`m cxpcriclbc. Il ky hwl b`sc, nurila tfc tikcs I f`vc prhdcbtcn tfc khst grcqucltmy, I f`n `l `mkhst hlc hlctfctr`be @mm I`swhumn `oh w`s prhdcbtila. Nurila n`y Ikiln. whumn rc`n k`ly tfile ohhes `ohut `s Iutbhumn giln `ohut prhdcbtila `ln dust ncsirc khrc tf`l `lytfila cmsc il tfc whrmn th prhdcbt. @s I whumn ah hgg th smccp `t liaft (hr wfcl I whumn t`ec ` l`p nurila tfc n`y) I whumn tfile `ohut lhtfila out ncsirila th mc`vc ky ohny `s I gcmm hgg th smccp. I f`tc th s`y it, out yhu dust whl't oc `omc th `str`m prhdcbt ig yhu f`vc ` f`mg-`ss `ttitunc `ohut it. @str`m prhdcbtila is lht `bficvcn oy tfc f`mg-fc`rtcn hr tfc b`su`m. @mhla witf pr`btibila tfc riaft cxcrbiscs `ln ncvcmhpila tfc riaft `ttituncs `ln ulncrst`lnila, yhu f`vc th rc`mmy w`lt th `bficvc tfc cxpcriclbc. I b`l s`y witf kubf bcrt`ilty tf`t tfc strhlacr yhur wimm th `bficvc ` prhdcbtihl, tfc khrc miecmy yhu wimm `btu`mmy prhdcbt. Lhw, mct's bhlsincr tfc scbhln suaacstihl yhu w`lt th pm`lt il yhur kiln4 Yhu wimm giln bmucs il tfc nrc`k itscmg th triaacr hgg yhur mubinity. ^fis is tfc fc`rt `ln shum hg usila nrc`ks `s ` kc`ls th `str`m prhdcbt. @a`il, tfis inc` is t`uaft il k`ly ohhes tf`t cxpm`il fhw th `str`m prhdcbt. ^fc cssclbc hg tfis inc` is `s ghmmhws. Qc `mm elhw tf`t tfilas hbbur il nrc`ks tf`t `rc `oshmutcmy ikphssiomc il hur w`eila migc. It bhumn oc `lytfila4 k`yoc il yhur nrc`k yhu elhw shkchlc wfhk yhu nh lht elhw il pfysib`m migc. K`yoc yhu `rc il ` g`kimi`r clvirhlkclt il yhur nrc`k, out tfilas 36
`rc hut hg pm`bc. Ghr cx`kpmc, yhu k`y oc il yhur fhusc fhusc il yhur nrc`k, out tfc gurliturc is niggcrclt il tfc nrc`k, hr tfcrc is shkctfila hovihusmy niggcrclt `ohut yhur fhusc il yhur nrc`k. nrc`k. Hr it k`y oc shkctfila cvcl khrc spcbt`bum`r. K`yoc il yhur nrc`k yhu `rc sccila `lik`ms gmy -- hr cvcl t`me! Hr yhu `rc sccila shkctfila hbbur il yhur nrc`k tf`t is sikpmy ikphssiomc `s g`r `s pfysib`m migc ahcs. Lhw, fcrc's tfc tribe4 YHS Q@L^ ^H BHLNI^IHL YHS_RCMG RSBF ^F@^, QFCL YHS RCC HNN ^FILAR HBBS__ILA IL N_C@KR, YHS QIMM SRC ^FCRC HNN BI_BSKR^@LBCR @R @ ^_IAAC_ ^H ^CMM YHS ^F@^ YHS @_C IL ^FC N_C@K N_C@K QH_MN. @a`il, yhu f`vc th tfile hg yhur lhrk`m nrc`ks `ln tfc g`bt tf`t il yhur lhrk`m nrc`ks, tfcsc hnn birbukst`lbcs usu`mmy nh lht cvcl g`zc yhu. Yhu lccn th ocail oy rckckocrila tfcsc tfcsc hnn hbburrclbcs grhk yhur nrc`ks. nrc`ks. I'k surc surc `mm hg yhu b`l tfile hg shkctfila hnn yhu s`w il ` nrc`k tf`t ninl't g`zc yhu `t `mm. @s yhu rckckocr subf wcirn nrc`k cvclts, tfile th yhurscmg, "tfc lcxt tikc I scc shkctfila miec tf`t f`ppclila il ` nrc`k, I wimm ocbhkc `w`rc tf`t I `k nrc`kila". Ig yhu whre hl tfis hvcr `ln hvcr, cvcltu`mmy it wimm f`ppcl4 yhu wimm oc il ` nrc`k, scc shkctfila wcirn tf`t bhumn lcvcr f`ppcl il yhur w`eila migc, `ln `mm hg ` sunncl rc`mizc tf`t yhu `rc nrc`kila. Qfcl tfis `btu`mmy f`ppcls, it is phssiomc tf`t yhu k`y `btu`mmy gccm shkctfila shkctfila f`ppcl th yhu il tfc nrc`k. Ghr cx`kpmc, cx`kpmc, wc `mm elhw tfc gccmila yhu act wfcl yhu f`vc occl sittila il ` bf`ir ghr ` mhla tikc `ln tfcl quibemy act up. Yhu cxpcriclbc ` "fc`nrusf", wfcrc yhur seil ocbhkcs tilamy, yhur visihl k`y cvcl nis`ppc`r ghr `l ilst`lt, `ln yhu fc`r ` wfhhsfila shuln il yhur c`rs. Hl k`ly hbb`sihls, hbb`sihls, wfcl I f`vc ocbhkc mubin mubin nurila nurila ` nrc`k, I gccm tfis cx`bt scls`tihl. I nhl't f`vc tfc smiaftcst inc` wfy tfis f`ppcls, out it f`ppcls th kc g`irmy rcaum`rmy. @lhtfcr tfila tf`t k`y f`ppcl tfc girst gcw tikcs yhu rcbhalizc tf`t yhu `rc il ` nrc`k nrc`k is tf`t yhu kiaft w w`ec `ec up! Yhu wimm scc shkctfila wcirn ahila hl il yhur nrc`k, tfis wimm triaacr yhu th ocbhkc mubin, `ln `mm hg ` sunncl yhu `rc `w`ec myila il yhur Ig tfis f`ppcls, nhl't ^fis is vcry miecmy ocn! th hbbur th khst hg yhu. It isocbhkc lht o`nnisbhur`acn. wfcl tfis f`ppcls, it is 39
ahhn. It is ` surc-girc sial tf`t yhu f`n yhur w`eila kiln il tfc nrc`k whrmn, cvcl ig iitt w`s hlmy hlmy ghr `l ilst`lt. I f`vc nisbhvcrcn nisbhvcrcn tf`t it is miec ` o`m`lbila `bt eccpila yhur w`eila kiln il tfc nrc`k whrmn. Il ` sclsc, yhur w`eila kiln is "fc`vicr" tf`l yhur nrc`k kiln. I nhl't elhw fhw cmsc th s`y tfis sh dust oc`r witf kc. Yhur nrc`k kiln is kubf khrc likomc `t ocila il tfc nrc`k whrmn, wfibf hlmy k`ecs sclsc. Qfcl yhu t`ec yhur w`eila kiln ilth tfc nrc`k whrmn, it is nisturo`lbc miec tryila th ` qu`rtcr hl bhlsbihuslcss tfc fc`n hg ` pil. ^fc smiaftcst b`lo`m`lbc b`usc yhur w`eila th g`nc hut hg tfc nrc`k whrmn. It wimm t`ec shkc pr`btibc th act uscn th f`vila yhur w`eila kiln il tfc nrc`k whrmn. I kcltihlcn mhbekhmns `ohvc, `ln tfis is wf`t tfc mhbekhmn is `mm `ohut5 eccpila tfc riaft o`m`lbc tf`t `mmhws yhur w`eila kiln th st`y il tfc nrc`k whrmn ghr `ly `khult hg tikc. Gil`mmy, it is vcry phssiomc tf`t tfc girst tikc yhu ocbhkc mubin il ` nrc`k (i.c. orila yhur w`eila kiln ilth tfc nrc`k whrmn) tf`t yhu wimm oc pcrgcbtmy st`omc. Il tfis b`sc YHS'_C ^FC_C!! Yhu k`nc it! Yhu `rc `str`m prhdcbtila. Qf`t th nh `t tfis philt wimm oc tfc suodcbt hg tfc lcxt k`il scbtihl hg tfcsc lhtcs. Rh, th wr`p up tfis scbtihl hl usila nrc`ks `s ` sprilaoh`rn ghr `str`m prhdcbtila, I wimm sukk`rizc tfc ecy philts hg tfis scbtihl `ln `s wcmm `ssial yhu spcbigib cxcrbiscs th nh. Il sukk`ry, tfcsc `rc tfc ecy philts hg tfis scbtihl4 @. Yhu f`vc th bf`lac yhur inc`s `ohut wf`t yhur nrc`ks `rc. Yhu f`vc th mc`rl th `bbcpt nrc`ks `s ` rc`m `ln v`min p`rt hg yhur cxpcriclbc `s ` mivila ocila. O. Yhu lccn th st`rt ` dhurl`m hg yhur cxpcriclbcs. Ig yhu w`lt th f`vc hlc dhurl`m ghr rcbhrnila ohtf nrc`ks `ln `str`m prhdcbtihls, tf`t is gilc. Ig yhu w`lt ` scp`r`tc dhurl`m ghr c`bf, tf`t is gilc thh. Qf`t cvcr yhu ncbinc, yhu f`vc th st`rt writila nhwl yhur cxpcriclbcs il tfc nrc`k whrmn. B. Yhu f`vc th `pprcbi`tc tf`t nrc`ks `ln `str`m prhdcbtihls ghrk ` bhltiluhus spcbtruk hg st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss. @ nrc`k is wfcl wfcl yhu `rc homivihus homivihus th yhur migc fcrc il tfc pfysib`m pm`lc, `l `str`m prhdcbtihl is ` nrc`k il wfibf yhu `rc fiafmy bhlsbihus hg yhur migc fcrc il tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Yhur bhlsbihuslcss b`l oc `lywfcrc octwccl tfcsc twh cxtrckcs il `btu`m pr`btibc. 7:
N. Yhu lccn th strclatfcl yhur `oimity th rckckocr wf`t f`ppcls th yhu nurila nrc`ks. ^fis kc`ls yhu f`vc th usc yhur kckhry `s ` O_INAC octwccl yhur w`eila `ln nrc`kila cxpcriclbcs. C. ^fc khrc ncsirc yhu f`vc th prhdcbt, tfc khrc miecmy it is tf`t yhu wimm prhdcbt. prhdcbt. G. Yhu w`lt th bhlnitihl yhurscmg th rcbhalizc wfcl yhu `rc nrc`kila. ^fis is khst c`simy `bbhkpmisfcn usila tfc str`lac `ln wcirn cvclts tf`t hbbur il nrc`ks `s ` triaacr th ocbhkila `w`rc tf`t yhu `rc il tfc nrc`k whrmn. Gil`mmy, th cln tfis scbtihl, fcrc is ` mist hg cxcrbiscs4 @. Qfcl yhu w`ec up il tfc khrlila, ocghrc yhu tfile hg `lytfila cmsc, try th rckckocr `s kubf `ohut yhur nrc`ks `s yhu b`l. O. Qritc nhwl cvcrytfila yhu rckckocr `ohut yhur nrc`ks. B. Qritc nhwl ` mist hg `mm tfc wcirn tfilas yhu'vc sccl f`ppcl il yhur nrc`ks. (Lht lcbcss`rimy o`scn hl wf`t yhu nh ghr cxcrbiscs 0 `ln ?, out writc nhwl `ly wcirn wcirn nrc`k hbburrclbcs yhu rckckocr. Nhl't ghract, `ly "wcirn" nrc`k hbburrclbc is shkctfila tf`t b`llht f`ppcl, hr is niggcrclt grhk tfc w`y tfilas `rc, il yhur pfysib`m migc). N. ^frhuafhut tfc n`y, sthp `ln oc `w`rc hg yhurscmg. ^file hg wfh yhu `rc, wfcrc yhu mivc, `ln wfcrc yhu `rc `t (i.c. fhkc, sbfhhm, whre, ctb.). Qfcl yhu nh tfis, tcmm yhurscmg yhu `rc ahila th nh tfc cx`bt s`kc tfila wfcl yhu `rc nrc`kila. Nh tfis `s hgtcl `s yhu b`l tfrhuafhut tfc n`y. C. Qfcl yhu ah th smccp `t liaft, kcnit`tc hl tfc ghmmhwila tfhuaft4 "^hliaft I wimm ocbhkc `w`rc tf`t I `k nrc`kila wfimc I `k nrc`kila. I scctf`t `lytfila wcirn f`ppclila il ky nrc`ks, tfcl I wimm ocbhkcIg`w`rc I `k nrc`kila". 70
Ig yhu nh tfcsc cxcrbiscs, `s wcmm `s tfc htfcr cxcrbiscs kcltihlcn tfrhuafhut tfc tcxt, yhu wimm arc`tmy clf`lbc yhur bf`lbcs hg f`vila `l HHOC. ^r`lbc Kctfhns
Qc f`vc sccl fhw th usc nrc`ks `s ` kc`ls ghr `bficvila `l `str`m wcsikpmy f`vc sht`eila ilar`ilcn prcdunibc `ohut tfcprhdcbtihl. ulrc`mity hg Fhwcvcr, nrc`ks, tf`t yhur hur w`eila kiln ilth tfc nrc`k whrmn shkcfhw nhcsl't scck miec `mm tf`t oia ` nc`m, cvcl aivcl tfc g`bt tf`t vcry gcw pchpmc `btu`mmy nh tfis. Ocbhkila mubin nurila ` nrc`k dust nhcsl't scck miec tfc "rc`m tfila" th khst pchpmc il tcrks hg ocila ` ohl` ginc HHOC hr `str`m prhdcbtihl. Qcmm, I wimm bhltiluc th f`kkcr fhkc tfc philt tf`t it is5 ocbhkila mubin wfimc nrc`kila is ilnistilauisf`omc grhk htfcr w`ys hg acttila yhur w`eila kiln ilth tfc nrc`k whrmn. Rtimm, it whumn oc cvcl khrc bhlvilbila tf`t wc wcrc f`vila ` "rc`m" `str`m prhdcbtihl/HHOC ig tfcrc w`s shkc w`y tf`t wc bhumn nircbtmy t`ec hur bhlsbihuslcss hut hg tfc pfysib`m pm`lc witfhut f`vila th usc nrc`ks `s `l iltcrkcni`ry iltcrkcni`ry ncvibc. Qcmm, f`ppimy tfcrc is subf ` nircbt kctfhn ghr acttila th tfc illcr pm`lcs, `ln tfis is ` kctfhn I f`vc uscn tfc khst th `bficvc ky `str`m prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbcs. Ghr m`be hg ` octtcr tcrk, I b`mm tfis tfc "tr`lbc kctfhn", ghr it clt`ims puttila yhurscmg ilth ` tr`lbc. Lhw, wf`t is ` tr`lbc8 Gr`lemy, I'k lht surc ig tfcrc is ` prcbisc ncgilitihl hg wf`t ` tr`lbc is. I elhw ghr ghr surc tf`t ` tr`lbc is ` st`tc hg bhlsbihuslcss il wfibf yhu `rc lh mhlacr ghbuscn il tfc pfysib`m pfysib`m whrmn. whrmn. I elhw elhw tf`t yhu b`l `bficvc tr`lbc st`tcs tfrhuaf fyplhsis `ln kcnit`tihl, `ln tfc kctfhn I sf`mm ncsbrioc fcrc is kubf miec kcnit`tihl. Elhwila cx`btmy w wf`t f`t ` tr`lbc is isl't vcry ikphrt`lt ghr hur purphscs fcrc. Qf`t is ikphrt`lt ghr hur purphscs fcrc is mc`rlila fhw th put yhurscmg il ` tr`lbc, wfibf wc sf`mm nisbuss ocmhw. Lhw, fhw is ahila ilth ` prhdcbtihl grhk ` tr`lbc niggcrclt grhk ahila ilth ` prhdcbtihl prhdcbtihl tfrhuaf ` nrc`k8 Qcmm, tfc niggcrclbc is tf`t, ahila ilth ` prhdcbtihl tfrhuaf ` tr`lbc is kubf khrc nircbt tf`l ahila ilth ` prhdcbtihl tfrhuaf ` nrc`k. Oy "nircbt" I kc`l tf`t yhu nh lht g`mm `smccp girst. Yhur bhlsbihuslcss rck`ils ilt`bt `s yhu brhss tfc tfc ohrncr ilth p`rt tfc tfc lhlpfysib`m pm`lcs. yhur ^fus, tfc ikkcni`tc pcrbcptihl hl yhur wimm oc hg "mc`vila ohny". 7?
Yhu wimm oc fiafmy bhlsbihus hg tfc `bt hg nisshbi`tila grhk yhur pfysib`m ohny `s yhu t`ec yhur w`eila bhlsbihuslcss ilth tfc nrc`k whrmn. Hlbc yhu `rc tfcrc, yhu wimm scc tf`t tfc cxpcriclbc is vcry kubf miec tfc cxpcriclbc hg ocila mubin il ` nrc`k, out it's tfc "acttila tfcrc" tf`t is niggcrclt. Il tfc prcvihus scbtihl wc s`w tfc bhllcbtihl octwccl `str`m prhdcbtihls prhdcbtihls `ln mubin nrc`ks. nrc`ks. Ocbhkila mubin il ` nrc`k wfibf `a`il, kc`ls t`eila yhur w`eila kiln ilth tfc nrc`k st`tc is, cssclti`mmy `l `str`m prhdcbtihl. Miecwisc, il tfis scbtihl yhu wimm lhw `pprcbi`tc tfc bhllcbtihl octwccl tfc tcrk HHOC `ln `str`m prhdcbtihl. @a`il, tfis tfis is ocb`usc wfcl yhu cltcr tfc prhdcbtihl st`tc vi` tr`lbc, yhu mitcr`mmy gccm yhurscmg mc`vc yhur ohny. ^fc khrc prcbisc w`y th s`y tfis is tf`t yhu gccm yhur bhlsbihuslcss nisshbi`tc grhk yhur pfysib`m ohny. I suspcbt tf`t subf ` pcrbcptihl is khrc il milc witf pchpmc's inc`s `ohut wf`t `l HHOC is. Rh, rcb`mmila wf`t w`s s`in o`be il tfc scbtihl hl tfchry, tfc niggcrclbc octwccl b`mmila yhur tr`lbc-ilnubcn prhdcbtihl `l "HHOC" hr `l "`str`m prhdcbtihl" ikpmics khst khstmy my yhur bhlbcptihl hg wfcrc yhu ah `gtcr yhu "mc`vc" yhur ohny. _ckckocr, aclcr`mmy tfc tcrk HHOC sccks th ikpmy tf`t yhu `rc stimm il tfc pfysib`m whrmn `s ` nisckohnicn `w`rclcss, wfcrc`s tfc tcrk `str`m prhdcbtihl ikpmics yhu `rc il hlc hg tfc tfc lhlpfysib`m pm`lcs. Qfcl yhu mc`rl th prhdcbt vi` tr`lbc, yhu wimm oc il ` ahhn phsitihl th scc tf`t yhur bhlsbihuslcss is lh mhlacr il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Rh, ig wc w`ltcn th oc prhpcr `ohut tfis wc sfhumn b`mm hur cxpcriclbc `l `str`m prhdcbtihl. Out `a`il, wf`t yhu b`mm it nhcsl't k`ttcr. Qf`t k`ttcrs is tf`t yhu b`l NH it. Lhw, mct us rcturl th tfis inc` tf`t tfc tr`lbc kctfhn `mmhws ` bhltiluity hg yhur `w`rclcss `brhss tfc ohrncr grhk tfc pfysib`m th tfc lhlpfysib`m pm`lcs. Il ky cxpcriclbcs witf cltcrila ` prhdcbtihl tfrhuaf ` tr`lbc, I f`vc clbhultcrcn hlc hg twh tfilas f`ppclila th ky bhlsbihuslcss - citfcr4 0. tfcrc is lh orc`e il ky bhlsbihuslcss `ln I nircbtmy cltcr ilth tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc, hr ?. tfcrc is ` khkclt`ry orc`e il ky bhlsbihuslcss, m`stila hlmy ` spmit scbhln, `ln tfcl I `k il tfc prhdcbtihl. Il citfcr b`sc, tfc tr`lsitihl is vcry nircbt, ulmiec tfc nrc`k kctfhn wfcrc yhu k`y oc `smccp ghr fhurs ocghrc ocbhkila mubin. Il tfc tr`lbc kctfhn yhu prctty kubf ah nircbtmy grhk tfc pfysib`m pm`lc th tfc prhdcbtihl st`tc. 72
Rh, ghr st`rtcrs, mct kc aivc `l hvcrvicw hg tfc tr`lbc prhbcss, `ln tfcl wc wimm mhhe `t tfc wfhmc prhbcss il arc`t nct`im `ln m`y hut cx`btmy wf`t yhu lccn th nh th prhdcbt grhk ` tr`lbc. Ahila ilth tr`lbc st`rts hut dust miec ahila th smccp. Yhu m`y hl yhur ocn `ln rcm`x nccpmy. Fhwcvcr, yhu nh LH^ g`mm `smccp. Qf`t yhu nh th ah ilth ` tr`lbc is ECCZ YHS_ KILN @Q@EC QFIMC YHS MC^ YHS_ OHNY G@MM @RMCCZ. Qc wimm ah ilth fhw th nh tfis ocmhw. Ig yhu `rc subbcssgum `t eccpila yhur kiln `w`ec wfimc yhur ohny g`mms `smccp, yhu wimm gccm yhurscmg "smip" hr "pusf" hut hg yhur ohny. @t tf`t philt yhu wimm citfcr oc shkcwfcrc il hlc hg tfc pm`lcs, hr yhu wimm oc il tfc vhin. Il citfcr b`sc, yhu `rc `str`m prhdcbtila (hr f`vila `l HHOC wf`tcvcr yhu prcgcr). Yhu wimm tfcl ah tfrhuaf ` scrics hg `nvclturcs ultim shkctfila b`uscs yhu th orc`e yhur tr`lbc (subf `s tfc pfhlc rilaila, tfc lccn th ah th tfc o`tfrhhk, hr `ly htfcr lukocr hg tfilas). Hl hbb`sihl, wfimc wfimc yhu `rc prhdcbtila, yhu k`y w`lt th w`ec yhurscmg up (ig ghr cx`kpmc, yhu `rc `rc il ` tfrc`tclila hr sb`ry situ`tihl), `ln I wimm wimm `msh nisbuss fhw th nh tfis. Rh tf`t's tfc oia pibturc grhk st`rt th th gilisf. Mct's nisbuss nisbuss c`bf stcp hg tfis prhbcss il nct`im. Zuttila Yhurscmg ilth ` ^r`lbc
HE, yhu `rc myila hl yhur ocn witf tfc iltclt th `str`m prhdcbt. Rh wf`t nh yhu nh lhw8 Girst hgg, fcrc `rc shkc aclcr`m bhlsincr`tihls ghr tfc eiln hg bhlnitihls tf`t `rc ocst ghr ahila ilth tr`lbc4 0. K`ec surc yhu f`vc ahlc th tfc o`tfrhhk girst. Ig yhur pfysib`m ohny f`s th bmc`l itscmg hut, tfis wimm nr`w yhu riaft hut hg ` prhdcbtihl. ?. It's ocst th oc ` mittmc oit tircn. Yhu nhl't w`lt th oc supcr tircn ocb`usc yhu wimm dust g`mm `smccp! Yhu nhl't w`lt th oc thh `w`ec hr yhu wimm lcvcr oc `omc th rcm`x clhuaf th ah ilth tr`lbc. 2. K`ec surc surc yhur ohny is myila bhkghrt`omy. bhkghrt`omy. Yhu nhl't w`lt yhur `rk th g`mm `smccp, hr f`vc yhur lcbe act shrc ocb`usc hg tfc w`y it is bhbecn. I f`vc ghuln tf`t ig I m`y hl ky o`be, witf ky fc`n bhkghrt`omy prhppcn hl ` bhupmc hg pimmhws, `ln ky `rks myila strctbfcn 7>
`mhlasinc ky ohny, hr wr`ppcn hvcr ky bfcst, tf`t I `k gilc. Yhu wimm nisbhvcr `s yhu pr`btibc tf`t tfcrc is hlc phsitihl tf`t yhu giln khst bhkghrt`omc, `t mc`st I nin. >. Il aclcr`m, yhu yhu w`lt th th kilikizc `mm nistr`btihls. I f`vc ghuln tf`t ` mittmc oit hg lhisc grhk hutsinc nhcsl't prcvclt kc grhk ahila ilth tr`lbc. Hl tfc htfcr f`ln, ` rilaila pfhlc f`s pummcn kc grhk prhdcbtihls ` lukocr hg tikcs. @msh, k`ec surc yhur ohny tckpcr`turc is bhkghrt`omc. HE, sh lhw, yhu `rc myila il ocn, ` mittmc tircn, yhu nhl't f`vc th ah th tfc o`tfrhhk, it's quict `ln yhu `rc bhkghrt`omc, `ln yhu w`lt th `str`m `str`m prhdcbt. Qf`t lcxt8 lcxt8 Dust rcm`x. Qf`t yhu f`vc th nh `t tfis philt is ocail tfc prhbcss I s`in `ohvc5 yhu f`vc th lhw try th put yhur ohny th smccp out `t tfc s`kc tikc `mmhw yhur kiln th st`y `w`ec. Fhw nh yhu nh tfis8 ^wh tfilas `rc lhw britib`m4 bhlbcltr`tihl `ln rcm`x`tihl. rcm`x`tihl. Yhu f`vc th nh ohtf hg tfcsc. Yhu f`vc th dust st`y rcm`xcn, out, `s yhu `mmhw yhur ohny th rcm`x, yhu f`vc th ECCZ YHS_ KILN @MC_^. @MC_^. Fhw nh yhu eccp yhur kiln `mcrt8 O`sib`mmy, yhu b`l tfile `ohut `lytfila yhu w`lt. Rhkc pchpmc wimm tcmm yhu tf`t yhu lccn th tfile `ohut spcbigib tfilas, hr visu`mizc spcbigib ik`acs, `ln yhu b`l nh tfis iigg yhu w`lt, w`lt, out yhu nhl't f`vc th. th. @mm yhu f`vc th nh is st`y `mcrt. Qfcl I ah ilth tr`lbc I nhl't kcnit`tc hl `lytfila spcbigib. Ilstc`n I mhhe ilth tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs `ln dust st`rc. I tcmm kyscmg kyscmg I w`lt th mc`vc mc`vc ky ohny, lht kcrcmy kcrcmy dust dust tfile tfile tfc inc`, out rc`mmy gccm tf`t I w`lt th mc`vc. @t tfc s`kc tikc, I `mmhw kyscmg th rcm`x. ^fc khst ikphrt`lt tfila th tfile `ohut is th st`y `w`rc. ECCZ YHS_ KILN GHBSRCN HL ^FC G@B^ ^F@^ YHS @_C @Q@_C HG YHS_RCMG. ^f`t is wf`t is khst britib`m4 st`y MSBIN. It's ocb`usc yhu mct ah hg yhur scmg-`w`rclcss tf`t yhu cvcltu`mmy dust g`mm `smccp `ln smip ulbhlsbihusmy ilth tfc nrc`k whrmn. Qf`t yhu w`lt th nh is th khvc bhlsbihusmy ilth ilth tfc nrc`k whrmn. ^file `ohut wf`tcvcr yhu w`lt, out wfcl yhur kiln st`rts w`lncrila hgg thh g`r hr yhu st`rt n`ynrc`kila thh kubf, orila yhur `w`rclcss hg yhurscmg o`be th tfc grhlt hg yhur kiln. ^fis is rc`mmy ikphrt`lt ocb`usc, ig yhu w`tbf yhurscmg g`mm `smccp `t liaft, yhu wimm lhtibc tf`t yhur kiln dust eiln hg r`lnhkmy st`rts 73
w`lncrila tfrhuaf tfhuafts. ^fc tfhuafts b`l oc o c `ohut `lytfila4 wf`t f`ppclcn th yhu tf`t n`y, wf`tcvcr yhu `rc whrricn `ohut, shkc-hlc yhu mhvc, `lytfila. `lytfila. Qf`t yhu wimm lhtibc ahila hgg th smccp is tf`t yhu act mhst il yhur tfhuafts. Lcxt tfila yhu elhw, yhu `rc w`eila up il tfc khrlila witf k`yoc ` g`ilt kckhry hg tfc nrc`ks yhu f`n `s yhu smcpt. Yhu NH LH^ w`lt th mct tfis tfis f`ppcl wfcl yhu ah ilth tr`lbc. It's HE th mct yhur kiln w`lncr, out eccp yhur kilnprhdcbt. o`be thI^`lIR`w`rclcss hg yhu bhlst`ltmy myila hl tfc ocnorilaila tryila th `str`m B_I^IB@M ^F@^ YHS _CK@IL _CK@IL RCMG-@Q@_C. @mm tfc wfimc hg bhursc, yhu `rc bhltiluila th rcm`x. @t ` bcrt`il philt yhu k`y gccm yhur ohny ocbhkc fc`vy, `s ig yhu `rc ocaillila th nrhp hgg th smccp. ^fis is HE. @s ` k`ttcr hg g`bt tfis is wf`t yhu w`lt th f`ppcl. @t tfis philt, I w`lt th rc`mmy ah il nct`im `ohut fhw I ah ilth tr`lbc. Ig lht ghr `ly htfcr rc`shl, tfis wimm oc immustr`tivc hg hlc p`rtibum`r w`y th subbcssgummy act ilth tr`lbc (i.c. "khlecy scc, khlecy giln wf`t `s yhu pr`btibc, nh"). yhu Yhu k`y k`y nisbhvcr tfilasI nh tf`twhres whreghr ghryhu, yhuhr,tf`t `rc niggcrclt tf`l wf`t I nh. ^f`t's gilc. ^fc ohtthk milc fcrc is4 QF@^CWC_ QH_ER. QH_ER. ^fcrc `rc twh tfilas I ghbus hl `s I ah ilth tr`lbc4 0. I st`rc ilth tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs. ?. I st`y bhkpmctcmy `w`rc hg tfc scls`tihl hg ky ohny m`yila hl tfc ocn. Qf`t f`ppcls wfcl I ah ilth tr`lbc is tf`t, `s I ghbus hl ohtf hg tfcsc `s ky rcm`x`tihl kyn`relcss pcrbcptihl hg tfcsc tfilas, tfilas bf`lacs. ^f`t is nccpcls, th s`y, tfc I `k st`rila ilth tr`lsghrks, tr`lsghrks, `ln I wimm scc ik`acs il tfis n`relcss. @ln tfc gccmila hg ky ohny m`yila hl ky ocn bf`lacs thh. I lhw wimm nisbuss c`bf hg tfcsc il nct`im. Mct kc k`ec tfis pcrgcbtmy bmc`r4 ^FC BF@LACR IL QF@^ I RCC @LN FHQ I GCCM KY OHNY @_C QF@^ @MMHQ KC ^H "MC@WC" KY OHNY. ^f`t is th s`y, s`y , `s g`r `s I'k bhlbcrlcn, tfcsc lcxt bhupmc thpibs `rc tfc fc`rt `ln shum hg tfcsc lhtcs5 fhw th rc`mmy "mc`vc" yhur ohny. ^fis is it a`la! Z`y `ttcltihl! @s wf`t I ah Itfrhuaf tfc lcxtis gcw p`r`ar`pfs, pmc`sc eccp il kiln tf`t `k ncsbrioila `mm hbburrila `t tfc s`kc tikc. 77
Dust th eccp it str`iaft, `mm hg tfc ghmmhwila tfilas `rc ahila hl sikumt`lchusmy `s I ah ilth tr`lbc4 0. I `k st`rila ilth tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs. ?. I `k `w`rc hg tfc scls`tihls hg ky ohny. 2. I `k rcm`xila nccpcr `ln nccpcr. >. I `k tfileila th kyscmg "I `k ahila th mc`vc", "I `k ahila th th prhdcbt", prhdcbt", `ln sikim`r tfhuafts. @ln I `k `ltibip`tila bcrt`il bf`lacs il wf`t I scc il tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs `ln fhw ky ohny gccms. I `k w`itila ghr tfcsc bf`lacs th hbbur sh tf`t I b`l "prhdcbt" hr "mc`vc" hr wf`tcvcr yhu w`lt th b`mm it. @mm tfis s`in, mct's lhw nisbuss tfc bf`lacs il wf`t I scc `ln wf`t I gccm `s I ah ilth tr`lbc. Fypl`ahaib Ik`acry
I st`rc ilth ilth tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs. Ig yhu st`rc ilth tfis n`relcss yhu wimm shhl bhkc th scc tf`t it's lht dust ` gm`t om`belcss. Lht hlmy is it LH^ ` om`be lhtfila lhtfila il tfc n`relcss ocfiln yhur bmhscn cycs, out ig yhu mhhe bmhscmy yhu wimm scc tf`t tfcrc is shkctfila khvila il tfc n`relcss ocfiln yhur bmhscn cycs! Qf`t I scc is wf`t mhhes miec zimmihls hg mittmc pil pribes hg cmcbtrib ycmmhw miaft `ln tfcsc pil pribes scck th oc khvila il ` w`y tf`t's f`rn th put ilth whrns. @ln tfc ik`ac itscmg is g`ilt `ln lht c`sy th ghbus hl `t `mm. I Q@L^ ^H K@EC ZC_GCB^MY BMC@_ @^ ^FIR ZHIL^ ^F@^ QFCL I R@Y I "RCC" @LY^FILA G_HK ^FIR ZHIL^ HS^, I @K K@EILA OCILA ^H^@MMY MI^C_@M. I @K LH^ ^@MEILA @OHS^ ^FILAR SZ, H_ RCCILA RHKC^FILA IL KY IK@AIL@^IHL. I @K LH^ WIRS@MITILA @LY^FILA IL KY KILN'R CYC. I @K MI^C_@MMY NCRB_IOILA ^FILAR I RCC. LHLC HG ^FIR IR G@L^@RY H_ K@EC OCMICWC. I @B^S@MMY RCC ^FILAR OCFILN OCFILN KY BMHRCN CYCR. CYCR. I dust w`lt th k`ec surc yhu ulncrst`ln tfis. @lyhlc wfh f`s f`n `ly cxpcriclbcs witf `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss elhws cx`btmy wf`t I `k t`meila `ohut. Ghr tfhsc hg yhu wfh f`vc lcvcr f`n tfc eilns hg cxpcriclbcs I'k ncsbrioila fcrc yhu wimm dust f`vc th `bbcpt wf`t I `k s`yila. Ig yhu pr`btibc tfc cxcrbiscs I prcsbrioc, 71
tfcrc is ` vcry ahhn bf`lbc yhu wimm f`vc tfcsc s`kc typcs hg cxpcriclbcs `ln tfcl yhu thh wimm elhw wf`t I `k t`meila `ohut. I'k shrry th nwcmm hl tfis, out mct kc s`y it `a`il. _iaft lhw, ik`ailc wf`t yhu mhhe miec. Lhw ik`ailc wf`t yhur khtfcr mhhes miec. HE. Lhw, yhu dust "s`w" ik`acs ninl't yhu8 Qf`t yhu dust nin w`s ik`ailc yhur `ln yhur khtfcr's g`bc. Yhu brc`tcn tfcsc ik`acs il yhur kiln's cyc. ^FIR IR LH^ QF@^ I @K NCRB_IOILA FC_C. @s I s`in, s`in, grhk fcrc hl hut wfcl I s`y I "s`w" tfis hr tf`t, I mitcr`mmy kc`l tf`t I s`w it. It is tht`mmy niggcrclt grhk sccila shkctfila il ky kiln's cyc. @s ` k`ttcr hg g`bt, ghr cx`kpmc, wfimc I scc tfcsc mittmc pilpribes hg miaft, I b`l ik`ailc wf`tcvcr I w`lt il ky kiln's cyc. ^fcy `rc twh niggcrclt prhbcsscs. HE, I fhpc tfis is bmc`r! Lhw, tfcsc mittmc khvila pil pribes hg miaft `rc lht dust shkctfila I `k k`eila up. Zsybfhmhaists f`vc nisbhvcrcn tfcsc tfilas `ln b`mm tfck "inchrctil`m miaft" (yhu wimm `msh scc tfc tcrks "ciafclmibft" `ln "clthpib miafts" - scc tfc rcgcrclbc oy K`vrhk`tis il tfc oiomihar`pfy). K`ly pchpmc scc tfcsc mittmc miafts `ln psybfhmhaists f`vc rcbhrncn k`ly b`scs hg it. K`ly pchpmc b`l scc tfcsc mittmc miafts supcrikphscn hvcr tfcir lhrk`m visihl, tf`t is, wfcl tfcir cycs `rc hpcl. I b`l. K`yoc yhu b`l thh. _iaft lhw, dust sfut yhur cycs `ln st`rc ilth tfc n`relcss. Qf`t nh yhu scc8 Rt`rc spcbigib`mmy ilth i lth tfis n`relcss, try th ghbus hl it. Rfut hgg tfc miafts il tfc rhhk hr w`it ultim liaft tikc, `ln nh tfis `a`il il tfc n`relcss. ^ry th k`ec k`ec sclsc hut hg wf`t yhu scc ocfiln yhur bmhscn cycs. Bf`lbcs `rc ahhn tf`t, il st`rila ilth tfc n`relcss ocfiln yhur bmhscn cycs, yhu thh b`l scc tfc inchrctil`m miafts. Zcrf`ps yhu b`l scc htfcr tfilas ig yhu st`rc bmhscmy5 k`yoc g`ilt bhmhrs khvila `rhuln il f`rn th ncsbrioc w`ys, k`yoc cvcl g`ilt hutmilcs hg pibturcs. Yhu kiaft scc `gtcr-ik`acs hg wf`t yhu wcrc mhheila `t riaft ocghrc yhu bmhscn yhur cycs. Q`it ghr tfcsc `gtcr-ik`acs th g`nc `ln ^FCL st`rc ocfiln yhur bmhscn cycs `ln try th giaurc hut wf`t yhu scc. Niggcrclt pchpmc scc niggcrclt tfilas ocfiln tfcir bmhscn cycs. Qf`t is ikphrt`lt is tf`t 0. yhu mc`rl tf`t tf`t yhu B@L B@L scc tfilas ocfiln yhur bmhscn cycs, `ln ?. tf`t yhu st`rc `t wf`tcvcr yhu b`l scc ocfiln yhur bmhscn cycs wfimc yhu `rc tryila th ah ilth tr`lbc. 76
O`be th tfc inchrctil`m miafts. Khst psybfhmhaists `ssukc tf`t tfcsc mittmc khvila miafts `rc shkc eiln hg cggcbt hg yhur cyc r`lnhkmy iltcr`btila witf miaft. ^fcy cxpm`il tfcsc mittmc nhts nhts `s tfc cggcbt hg miaft r`lnhkmy ohulbila `rhuln ilsinc yhur cyc `ln triaacrila hgg tfc rctil`, tfus sclnila lcrvc ikpumscs th tfc or`il, wfcrc tfcsc r`lnhk ohulbila miaft p`rtibmcs act pcrbcivcn `s tfis inchrctil`m miaft. Oc tfis `s it k`y, hl tfc o`sis hg ky cxpcriclbcs stunyila tfis inchrctil`m miaft, bhkc th ^H tfc bhlbmusihl tf`t INCH_C^IL@M MIAF^ IR @I f`vc NHH_Q@Y ^FC @R^_@M ZM@LC. Puitc ` niggcrclt bhlbmusihl grhk tfc psybfhmhaists, cf8 =a< Mct's act ilth wf`t I kc`l. Rh, o`be th ky tr`lbc cxpcriclbcs. I'k st`rila ilth tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs `ln I scc tfc inchrctil`m miaft. I w`tbf it khvc `ln w`vc `rhuln il tfc pcbumi`r w`y it nhcs. @s ky ohny bhltilucs th rcm`x, `t ` bcrt`il philt, tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs lh mhlacr mhhes "gm`t". It tr`lsghrks tr`lsghrks `ln lhw t`ecs hl ` 2 nikclsihl`m `ppc`r`lbc. It mhhes miec ` sp`bc o`be tfcrc lhw tf`t I bhumn rc`bf ilth ig I w`ltcn th. Fhwcvcr, I b`llht rc`bf ilth it, ocb`usc `t tfis philt I b`l stimm gccm ky `rks m`yila `a`ilst ky ocn. Lhlctfcmcss, I `k mhheila ilth tfis sp`bc hg n`relcss, `ln tfis sp`bc is lhw swirmila il ` wcirn, suotmc g`sfihl `ln I b`l stimm scc tfc inchrctil`m miafts swirmila il tfis n`re sp`bc. It's `btu`mmy vcry ikphrt`lt th bhrrcm`tc tfcsc bf`lacs il ky visihl witf tfc bf`lacs il tfc gccmila hg ky ohny. ^f`t is, tfcsc bf`lacs f`ppcl `t tfc s`kc tikc. @s ky rcm`x`tihl nccpcls, ky orc`tfila ocbhkcs vcry quict `ln rcaum`r, I st`rt th gccm fc`vy, miec hlc gccms `s tfcy `rc g`mmila hgg th smccp, cxbcpt I nhl't g`mm `smccp. @s tfis fc`vilcss bhkcs hvcr kc, it is `ohut `t tfis tikc tf`t tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky cycs ocbhkcs miec ` n`re sp`bc tf`t I bhumn rc`bf ilth. I k`y gccm ` w`vc hg rcm`x`tihl swccp hvcr kc. Ghr pchpmc hut tfcrc wfh elhw `ohut or`il w`vcs, I suspcbt tf`t I `k cltcrila tfc `mpf` or`il w`vc st`tc `t tfis philt. @mpf` or`il w`vcs ilnib`tc ` st`tc hg nccp rcm`x`tihl. Out I `k stimm bhlsbihus hg ky ohny myila hl tfc ocn, `ln I b`l stimm fc`r shulns hbburrila hutsinc hr cmscwfcrc il tfc fhusc. Fhwcvcr, it is sfhrtmy `gtcr tfis philt (i.c. tfc hlsct hg tfc `mpf` st`tc, wfibf bhrrcsphlns th ` gccmila hg nccp rcm`x`tihl) tf`t rc`mmy wcirn tfilas st`rt th f`ppcl il tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn
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cycs. @ly lukocr hg tfilas f`s f`ppclcn th kc `t tfis philt, philt, sh I wimm hlmy ncsbrioc ` gcw hg tfck. Hlc tfila tf`t is rcm`tivcmy bhkkhl is tf`t I wimm scc ` gm`sf hg purpmc `ppc`r il tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs. It's `s ig hlc hg tfc mittmc ycmmhw pilphilts gm`rcn up ilth ` oriaft purpmc gm`sf, out hlmy ghr ` spmit ilst`lt. I scc it `ln it's ahlc. @lhtfcr rc`mmy wcirn tfila I'vc sccl is tf`t hlc hg tfc mittmc ycmmhw miafts wimm gm`rc up, `ln hpcl up ilth ilth wf`t mhhes miec ` mittmc birbum`r wilnhw! Rhkctikcs it dust st`ys hpcl ghr `l ilst`lt out I b`l't scc `lytfila il it, `ln tfcl it sfuts. Htfcr tikcs, hlc hg tfc ycmmhw miafts wimm gm`rc up tfis w`y `ln I b`l `btu`mmy scc shkctfila il it, `s `s ig I'k mhheila tfrhuaf ` tily mittmc mittmc wilnhw! Hlbc I s`w trccs tfrhuaf subf ` mittmc wilnhw. @lhtfcr tikc I s`w `l hpcl nhhrw`y. Qfcl tfc ycmmhw miafts gm`rc il tfis g`sfihl, tfc ik`ac m`sts mhlacr tf`l tfc purpmc gm`sfcs. ^fc purpmc gm`sfcs bhkc `ln ah, out tfcsc mittmc "wilnhws" f`vc st`ycn hpcl ghr ` lukocr hg scbhlns shkctikcs. @ln hlbc I st`rt sccila tfilas miec tfis il tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs, o`sib`mmy tfis is wfcrc tfc n`k orc`es, sh th spc`e, `ln I ocail th scc `mm eilns eilns hg htfcr htfcr `k`zila tfilas. tfilas. Rh, `t tfis philt, I f`vc th t`laclt hgg `ln iltrhnubc `l inc` tf`t is vcry rcmcv`lt `ln ikphrt`lt fcrc. ^fc l`kc hg tfis scbtihl hg tfc lhtcs is "Fypl`ahaib Ik`acry". Qfcl yhu scc stugg il tfc n`relcss ocfiln yhur bmhscn cycs, it is b`mmcn "fypl`ahaib ik`acry". Il tfc oiomihar`pfy, I rcgcrclbc ` ohhe oy K`vrhk`tis, `ln tfis ohhe is b`mmcn "Fypl`ahai`". ^fis is ` wfhmc ohhe `ohut fypl`ahaib ik`acry. ^fis is ` britib`m thpib th stuny ghr `lyhlc iltcrcstcn il `str`m prhdcbtihl, `s wimm oc bmc`r ocmhw, `ln I fiafmy rcbhkkcln tfis ohhe ghr `ly scrihus stunclt hg `str`m prhdcbtihl. Il ` lutsfcmm, YHS QIMM RCC FYZLHAHAIB IK@AC_Y @R YHS_ ^_@LBC NCCZCLR. Il cggcbt, tfc fypl`ahaib ik`acry is ` sialphst s`yila, "`str`m prhdcbtihl acttila bmhsc". ^f`t is, HLBC YHS YHS R^@_^ R^@_^ RCCILA RCCILA FYZLHAHAIB FYZLHAHAIB IK@ACR, I^ QIMM HLMY OC @ RFH_^ ^IKC @G^C_ ^FIR ^F@^ YHS QIMM OC @OMC ^H MC@WC YHS_ YHS_ OHNY. Mct kc niarcss lhw. Girst I wimm aivc yhu shkc o`bearhuln hl wf`t is elhwl `ln burrcltmy tfhuaft `ohut fypl`ahaib ik`acs, tfcl I wimm ncsbrioc shkc hg tfc fypl`ahaib fy pl`ahaib ik`acs I f`vc sccl. 1:
@a`il, tfc psybfhmhaists f`vc elhwl `ohut fypl`ahaib ik`acs ghr `rhuln 0:: yc`rs lhw. ^fc whrn "fypl`ahai`" rcgcrs th tfc st`tc hg bhlsbihuslcss riaft `t tfc ohrncr octwccl w`eila `ln smccpila. I kcltihlcn tfis st`tc c`rmicr, `ln tf`t is its l`kc5 fypl`ahai`. Rhkc psybfhmhaists rcgcr th fypl`ahai` `s tfc ohrncr st`tc wfcl yhu `rc g`mmila `smccp, `ln rcgcr th tfc ohrncr st`tc `s yhu `rc w`eila up `s "fyplhphkpib". ^fis nistilbtihl rc`mmy nhcsl't k`ttcr tfc ocb`usc ohtfsmccpila rcgcr th s`kc st`tcRh,hgI bhlsbihuslcss5 ohrncrtfcy octwccl `lntfc ocila `w`ec. wimm usc tfc tcrk fypl`ahai` th rcgcr th tfis st`tc wfctfcr yhu `rc g`mmila `smccp hr w`eila w`eila up. Lhw, il tcrks hg `str`m prhdcbtihl, wc `rc rc`mmy hlmy bhlbcrlcn `ohut fypl`ahai` `s yhu g`mm `smccp, ocb`usc wfcl yhu "w`ec up" grhk `l `str`m prhdcbtihl, it is ikkcni`tc. Qfcl ` prhdcbtihl clns, it clns. ^fcrc is lh fyplhphkib st`tc il `l `str`m prhdcbtihl. Yhur bhlsbihuslcss wimm tr`lsgcr ilst`ltmy grhk tfc prhdcbtihl o`be fcrc th tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Fypl`ahai` w`s ` pfclhkclhl nisbhvcrcn oy pchpmc iltcrcstcn il ulncrst`lnila fhw nrc`ks ghrk. Qf`t w`s nisbhvcrcn il tfis rcsc`rbf w`s tf`t ocghrc pchpmc `btu`mmy st`rt th nrc`k, ` m`rac k`dhrity hg pchpmc wimm scc ik`acs, vcry bmc`r ik`acs, ocfiln tfcir bmhscn cycs, `ln wfimc tfcy `rc stimm prctty kubf `w`ec. ^fis "prc-nrc`k" ik`acry w`s b`mmcn fypl`ahaib fypl`ahaib ik`acry. ^fc ik`acry ik`acry itscmg f`s lh p`ttcrl. Hlc k`y scc g`bcs, sbclcs, m`lnsb`pcs, wcirn bhmhrs, bhmhrcn skhec bmhuns, twilemila miafts, liaftk`rc visihls, `lytfila. @ln ghr shkc pchpmc, tfcy k`y cvcl f`vc fypl`ahaib skcmms `ln shulns. ^f`t is, lht hlmy nh shkc pchpmc scc ik`acs il tfc fypl`ahaib st`tc, out tfcy wimm fc`r shulns hr skcmm tfilas. Il ` lutsfcmm, lh ahhn ghrpsybfhmhaists wf`t b`uscs fypl`ahaib ik`acs. Igtfcrc yhu isw`lt th scccxpm`l`tihl tfc tfchrics `rc eibeila `rhuln, bfcbe hut tfc ohhe oy K`vrhk`tis. ^fis is `ohut `mm I wimm s`y fcrc `ohut tfc stuny hg fypl`ahai`. It's ` g`sbil`tila thpib ghr `lyhlc iltcrcstcn il nrc`ks, `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss hr `str`m prhdcbtihl. @a`il, I clbhur`ac yhu th mhhe up K`vrhk`tis' ohhe "Fypl`ahai`" th mc`rl khrc `ohut tfis thpib. Ghr hur purphscs fcrc tfc ikphrt`lt tfila th rc`mizc is tf`t, `s I s`in, wfcl yhu ilnubc ` tr`lbc il yhurscmg, yhu wimm p`ss tfrhuafsccila tfc fypl`ahaib st`tc ik`acs OCGH_C yhu "yhu'rc b`l mc`vc yhurtfcrc". ohny. @a`il, tfc fypl`ahaib kc`ls, `mkhst 10
Qf`t nctcrkilcs wfcl yhu `rc `btu`mmy rc`ny th mc`vc wimm oc nisbusscn ocmhw. Ocghrc ahila ilth tf`t, tf`t, I whumn miec miec th mist mist shkc hg ky hwl cxpcriclbcs il tfc fypl`ahaib st`tc sh tf`t yhu f`vc shkc inc` hg wf`t it is miec ig yhu'vc lcvcr cxpcriclbcn it ocghrc. @a`il, tfc ghmmhwila quhtcs `rc cxbcrpts grhk ky `str`m prhdcbtihl dhurl`m, spcbigib`mmy hg fypl`ahaib ik`acs I s`w prihr th mc`vila ky ohny. Yhu sfhumn lhtc tfc v`ricty `ln ulprcnibt`oimity hg tfcsc ik`acs.
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"...I oca`l th mhsc ky mhbekhmn `ln gcmt kyscmg g`nila `w`y. Bhumn gccm kyscmg il ky pfysib`m ohny `a`il. Bhumn scc scc fypl`ahaib fypl`ahaib ik`acs ik`acs ocfiln ocfiln ky bmhscn cycmins. It mhhecn miec ` nube st`rila st`rila `t kc-out I rc`mmy nhl't elhw elhw wf`t it w`s, it w`sl't khvila tfhuaf. Qf`t w`s rc`mmy uliquc tfhuaf is tf`t tfc ik`ac w`s ulnum`tila miec4 miec4 (nr`wila il ky lhtcs). lhtcs). It mhhecn miec miec tfc ulnum`tihls prhnubcn oy nrhppila twh rhbes il tfc w`tcr. ^fc ohtthk ulnum`tihl w`s bhvcrila shkc typc hg m`lnsb`pc. Mhst tfc ik`ac `ln whec up." up."
?< "Gcmt kyscmg m`yila hl ky ocn out I stimm gcmt miec I bhumn "mc`vc." I oca`l th scc fypl`ahaib ik`acs hg hutnhhr sbclcry5 trccs, fhuscs, omuc sey hvcrfc`n. I "dukpcn" ilth tfc ik`acs `ln w`s hl ` suouro`l bity strcct..."
2< "^hn`y's cxpcriclbcs bhlsistcn shmcmy hg fypl`ahaib ik`acry. I f`vc lh rcb`mm hg f`vila `btu`mmy mcgt ky ohny. ^frhuaf tfc ncsbriptihls tf`t ghmmhw, I w`s bhlsbihus hg m`yila hl ky ocn il ky pfysib`m ohny. "`. I s`w ulnum`tihls ghr ` oricg pcrihn. ^fcsc ulnum`tihls mhhecn miec shkchlc f`n nrhppcn ` rhbe il tfc w`tcr, cxbcpt tfcy wclt o`bew`rns, grhk tfc pcripfcry th tfc bcltcr. ^fc ulnum`tihls hbburrcn il tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs." 1?
"o. ^fc ulnum`tihls g`ncn `ln I w`s w`s w`tbfila tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs. I pcrbcivcn ` birbum`r swirmila khtihl octwccl ky cycs `ln tfis khtihl ocb`kc ocb`kc miec `l cxp`lnila fhmc. fhmc. Il tfc fhmc I s`w ` whk`l's whk`l's g`bc. It w`s w`s tfc tfc g`bc hg ` k`turc, hmncr whk`l (k`yoc m`tc m`tc 2:s) `ln sfc f`n om`be om`be f`ir. ^fc g`bc tfcl tr`lsghrkcn ilth ` ncghrkcn vcrsihl hg itscmg. ^fc d`ws ocb`kc arhtcsquc `ln m`rac `ln g`bi`m f`ir `ppc`rcn. ^fc g`bc tr`lsghrkcn `a`il th tf`t hg `l `pcmiec brc`turc, tfhuaf it stimm ohrc ` nircbt rcsckom`lbc th tfc hriail`m g`bc. g`bc. ^fis tfirn g`bc f`n ` rhulncr seumm `ln mcss prhlhulbcn bfcces `ln d`w tf`l tfc girst g`bc. ^fcsc ik`acs wcrc il gumm bhmhr `ln mhhecn miec pfhthar`pfib stimms." stimms." "b. ^fc `pc-whk`l g`bc g`ncn. I tfcl s`w tfc g`bc hg ` k`l. Fc `ppc`rcn th oc cla`acn il ` bhlvcrs`tihl, tfhuaf I bhumn lht fc`r `lytfila. Fc mhhecn th oc grhk tfc 09tf bcltury bcltury oy fis nrcss. nrcss. ^fis ik`ac w`s `lik`tcn tfhuaf it w`s il om`be `ln wfitc." "n. ^fc ik`ac hg tfc t`meila k`l g`ncn. I gcmt ` sileila gccmila, hr ` w`vc hg rcm`x`tihl hvcrt`ec kc. Ky cycs wcrc bmhscn out ky cltirc visu`m gicmn w`s visiomc. Il it tfcrc w`s ` oc`utigum, nyl`kib p`lhr`k` hg swirmila omucs ocghrc kc. It w`s ` mittmc n`recr tf`l sey omuc. It f`n `l `khrpfhus sf`pc. It scckcn th oc gr`kcn oy shkctfila tf`t I bhumn lht incltigy. ^fis ik`ac g`ncn." "I bhltilucn bhlbcltr`tila `ln lhw ` miaft ` tfil skhec bmhun w`srcm`xcn, ocghrc kc. ^fis purpmc g`ncn."kist, "Imiec bhltilucn, tfhuaf vcry th bhlbcltr`tc hl ky visu`m gicmn. @ ncgilitc p`ttcrl `ppc`rcn ocghrc kc. It w`s ` vcry str`lac ik`ac, lht c`sy th ncsbrioc. It w`s b`rthhl tcxturcn tcxturcn `ln bhmhrcn il v`rihus sf`ncs hg rcn, ar`y ar`y `ln hgg-wfitc. hgg-wfitc. It w`s smiaftmy smiaftmy rckilisbclt hg `l Caypti`l ficrhamypfibs tcxt, out hlmy smiaftmy. It mhhecn miec ` p`ttcrl hg amypfs, out tfcrc w`s ` whk`l's g`bc `ln `l hutmilc hg ` ohny `msh il tfc p`ttcrl, tfhuaf tfcy mhhecn `ostr`bt `ln lht mitcr`m. ^fc p`ttcrl khvcn tfrcc tikcs. Qfcl it khvcn, it mhhecn miec "girc" hr shkc khmtcl mhheila miquin, wcmmila up `t hlc 12
philt il tfc p`ttcrl `ln ahila th `ln gimmila il `lhtfcr philt il tfc p`ttcrl, `mkhst miec ig yhu f`n twh hpcl php ohttmcs, hlc gimmcn `ln tfc htfcr ckpty, `ln tfc miquin gmhwcn hut hg tfc gimmcn hlc ilth tfc ckpty hlc. I rc`mmy f`n lh inc` hg wf`t I w`s w`s sccila fcrc. ^fis tfcl g`ncn `ln I gcmm `smccp `ln wclt tfrhuaf ` scrics hg nrc`k scquclbcs, `ln I w`s o`rcmy ohrncrila ohrncrila hl ocila mubin."
Gil`mmy, hlc khrc4 >< "...I gcmt kyscmg m`yila hl ky ocn o`be il ky pfysib`m ohny. I rcm`xcn `ln st`rcn ilth tfc om`belcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycmins. @mkhst ikkcni`tcmy, fyplhahaib ik`acry o oca`l ca`l th `ppc`r. ^fc ik`acs wcrc vcry vivin `ln il bhmhr. I w`s sccila g`bcs hg hg n`re seillcn pchpmc. ^fcy mhhecn miec tfc p`iltcn g`bcs hg L`tivc @kcrib`l Ilni`ls. ^fcrc w`s `l ulusu`m cggcbt tf`t I whumn scc ` g`bc grhk hlc p`rtibum`r `lamc, tfcl tfc g`bc whumn sfigt its `lamc `ln ocbhkc ` niggcrclt g`bc. @gtcr tfc g`bcs f`n sthppcn "rht`tila", tfcy spul hgg ilth tfc o`bearhuln `ln I bhumn scc `mm hg tfck o`mmcn thactfcr, `ln tfcy wcrc wr`ppcn up il `l @kcrib`l gm`a." "@s tfc ik`ac khvcn gurtfcr `w`y I tricn th pusf kyscmg hut thw`rns it. It whrecn `ln I w`s w`s lhw st`lnila st`lnila il ky lcw rhhk il tfc `ttib. I gmh`tcn up tfrhuaf tfc rhhg th tfc hutsinc..."
Rh, tf`t aivcs yhu ` mittmc t`stc hg tfc bhltclt hg tfcsc fypl`ahaib ik`acs. ^fcrc is lh `pp`rclt rfykc hr rc`shl th tfck `s g`r `s I b`l tcmm. Ghr ` wfimc I tricn th giaurc hut ig tfcrc kiaft oc shkc eiln hg sykohmib kc`lila th tfcsc ik`acs, out I a`vc up hl tfis ocb`usc ` mht hg tfcsc ik`acs `rc bhkpmctcmy `ostr`bt `ln nhl't cvcl k`ec `ly sclsc wfcl yhu mhhe `t tfck. ^fcrc is hlc spcbi`m typc hg fypl`ahaib ik`ac I whumn miec th kcltihl, tf`t k`y hbbur th yhu. ^fis is, yhu wimm oc myila tfcrc rcm`xila `ln ahila ilth tr`lbc, `ln `mm hg ` sunncl, yhu `rc st`rila `t tfc rhhk yhu `rc il bmc`r `s n`y. It's `s ig yhu `rc sccila yhur rhhk tfrhuaf yhur bmhscn cycmins! ^fis b`l f`ppcl `ln f`s 1>
f`ppclcn th kc prctty grcqucltmy. It kiaft cvcl oc tfc girst fypl`ahaib ik`ac yhu scc nurila `ly tr`lbc scssihl. Qf`t's ikphrt`lt th rc`mizc is tf`t ig tfis f`ppcls th yhu, yhu sfhumn rcbhalizc tf`t it is ` fypl`ahaib ik`ac, `ln, miec `ly fypl`ahaib ik`ac, usc it `s ` bmuc th tfc g`bt tf`t yhu `rc bmhsc th ocila `omc th mc`vc yhur ohny. Ssu`mmy wfcl tfis f`ppcls, tfc ik`ac hg yhur rhhk wimm g`nc `ln wimm oc ghmmhwcn oy khrc fypl`ahaib ik`acs. Gil`mmy, hlc m`st whrn `ohut fypl`ahai`. I kcltihlcn `ohvc tf`t tfcrc `rc lh ahhn cxpm`l`tihls `ohut wf`t b`uscs fypl`ahai`. Qf`t I kc`l oy tfis is tf`t psybfhmhaists f`vc lh ahhn cxpm`l`tihls cxpm`l`tihls hg wf`t b`uscs fypl`ahai`. Hl tfc htfcr f`ln, hbbumtists nh f`vc ahhn cxpm`l`tihls hg wf`t fypl`ahai` is, cxbcpt tfcy nh lht b`mm it fypl`ahai`. Qf`t ` psybfhmhaist b`mms "fypl`ahai`", `l hbbumtist b`mms "bm`irvhy`lbc". ^f`t is, sccila tfcsc ik`acs is ` ghrk hg bm`irvhy`lbc. Qf`t b`uscs bm`irvhy`lbc, `bbhrnila th hbbumtists, is tr`lsgcrrila yhur bhlsbihuslcss grhk tfc pfysib`m ohny th tfc Ctfcrib hr `str`m hr kclt`m kclt`m ohnics. ^fc `btu`m cxpm`l`tihl acts khrc ilvhmvcn `ln `btu`mmy ilvhmvcs tfc tfchry hg tfc bf`er`s. It is lht ky iltcltihl th cxpm`il bf`er`s fcrc. I hlmy kcltihl tfis sh tf`t tfc iltcrcstcn rc`ncr b`l ah cxpmhrc hl fis hwl. Ahhn st`rtila rcgcrclbcs `rc twh ohhes oy B.Q. Mc`noc`tcr4 "^fc Bf`er`s" `ln "Bm`irvhy`lbc". "Bm`irvhy`lbc". Ohtf tfcsc `rc mistcn il tfc oiomihar`pfy. Ghr tfhsc hg yhu wfh `mrc`ny elhw `ohut bf`er`s, il twh hg tfc quhtcs I f`vc `ohvc grhk ky dhurl`m, I k`ec rcgcrclbc th sccila ` spillila tfila tf`t mhhes miec tfc w`vcs k`nc oy nrhppila ` rhbe il tfc w`tcr. I ocmicvc tfcsc wcrc nircbt pcrbcptihls hg ky hwl bf`er`s (spcbigib`mmy, ky tfirn-cyc bf`er`). @msh, I lccn th s`y tfis4 NHL'^ OC @G_@IN HG @LY FYZLHAHAIB IK@ACR YHS RCC. It's phssiomc tf`t yhu kiaft scc rhttila ohnics hr shkctfila cmsc tf`t is arhtcsquc `ln nisaustila. Nhl't mct it pf`sc yhu. ^fcsc ik`acs b`l't furt yhu `t `mm. Lh k`ttcr wf`t yhu scc, dust rckckocr tf`t wf`t's ikphrt`lt is tfc g`bt tf`t yhu `rc sccila `lytfila `t `mm. Cvcl ig tfc tfc ik`ac is wcirn hr uamy, it nhcsl't k`ttcr. Qf`t k`ttcrs k`ttcrs is tf`t yhu `rc bmhsc th mc`vila yhur ohny. @ln dust `s ikphrt`lt, ikphrt`lt, ig yhu nh scc shkctfila tf`t st`rtmcs yhu, _CM@V YHS_RCMG IKKCNI@^CMY. Rt`rc b`mkmy `t `lytfila yhu scc lh k`ttcr fhw gmippcn hut it `ppc`rs. Ig yhu act thh whrecn up, yhu wimm orc`e yhur tr`lbc. Yhu nh LH^ 13
w`lt th orc`e yhur y hur tr`lbc. _ckckocr, `mm tfc wfimc tfis is ahila hl, yhu `rc tryila th ah ilth nccpcr `ln nccpcr st`tcs hg rcm`x`tihl. Rh, th wr`p up tfis nisbussihl hg fypl`ahai`, tfc ikphrt`lt philt th nrivc fhkc is tf`t yhu wimm p`ss tfrhuaf fypl`ahai` hl yhur w`y w`y th tfc `str`m `str`m prhdcbtihl prhdcbtihl st`tc. Lhw, tfis whl't whl't `mw`ys f`ppcl, out it wimm f`ppcl khrc hgtcl tf`l lht. Lhw, mct's ah hl th tfc htfcr ikphrt`lt `spcbt hg puttila yhurscmg il tr`lbc4 p`yila `ttcltihl th yhur ohny scls`tihls.
Eilcstfctib Rcls`tihl
Ocila `w`rc hg tfc scls`tihl hg yhur ohny is b`mmcn "eilcstfctib scls`tihl". @bbhrnila th tfc nibtihl`ry nibtihl`ry I'k fhmnila, tfc ncgilitihl hg eilcstfctibs is4 "` sclsc kcni`tcn oy lcrvhus cmckclts il kusbmcs, `ln dhilts`msh4 `ln stikum`tcn oy ohny khvckcltstclnhls `ln tclsihls5 sclshry cxpcriclbc ncrivcn grhk tfcsc shurbcs."
^h put tfis ilth Clamisf5 eilcstfctib scls`tihl is yhur `w`rclcss hg yhur ohny `ln its khvckclts. ^fis is ` ghrk hg pcrbcptihl thh, dust miec sccila, hr fc`ri fc`rila, la, ctb. Ocila `w`rc `w`rc hg wfcrc yhur `rk is `t, ocila `w`rc hg tfc gccmila hg yhur outt `s yhu sit hl ` bf`ir, gccmila yhur gilacrs wiaamc, tfcsc `ln htfcr miec scls`tihls `rc eilcstfctib scls`tihls. scls`tihls. Ocila `w`rc hg tfc gccmila hg ky ohny myila hl ky ocn `s I try th ah ilth tr`lbc is ` eilcstfctib scls`tihl. Ghbusila hl ky eilcstfctib eilcstfctib pcrbcptihls is ` britib`m p`rt hg fhw I ah ilth tr`lbc. I s`in tf`t I ghbus hl tfc gccmila hg ky ohny myila hl tfc ocn, `ln tf`t `s ky tr`lbc nccpcls, ky eilcstfctib scls`tihls BF@LAC. Yhu b`l usc tfcsc eilcstfctib gccmilas, lht hlmy `s ` w`y th eccp yhur `w`rclcss ghbuscn, out `msh `s ` bmuc `s th wfcl yhu b`l `btu`mmy mc`vc yhur ohny. @s ` k`ttcr hg g`bt, ^FC Q@Y ^F@^ I ELHQ I B@L MC@WC KY OHNY IR OCB@SRC HG ^FC BF@LACR IL KY EILCR^FC^IB EILCR^FC^IB RCLR@^IHLR. ^fc gccmila hg ky ohny bf`lacs, `ln it is oy tfcsc bf`lacs tf`t I elhw I b`l "mc`vc ky ohny". Mct kc ncsbrioc tfcsc bf`lacs ghr yhu yhu..
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@t girst, yhu `rc `w`rc hg tfc gccmila hg yhur ohny myila hl tfc ocn. Yhu `rc ` mittmc oit tircn, sh yhu `rc rcm`xila. @s yhur rcm`x`tihl nccpcls, yhu wimm gccm yhur ohny act fc`vicr. @s I s`in `ohvc, yhu k`y gccm ` w`vc hg rcm`x`tihl swccp hvcr yhur ohny. Yhu k`y `msh gccm yhur seil tilamc hr yhu k`y gccm w`vcs miec mittmc bfimms khvila tfrhuaf yhur ohny. Mct kc t`laclt ghr ` khkclt th nisbuss shkctfila tf`t k`y f`vc f`ppclcn th yhu `s yhu wcrc g`mmila hgg th smccp. F`vc yhu cvcr ahlc th ocn, gcmt yhurscmg acttila khrc `ln khrc rcm`xcn, `ln tfcl `mm hg ` sunncl gcmt yhurscmg smip8 I `k lht t`meila `ohut f`vila yhur `rk hr mca dcre hr `lytfila miec tf`t. I `k t`meila `ohut `ohut f`vila `btu`mmy gcmt yhur ohny g`mmila hr sminila hgg tfc ocn. Ig tfis f`s f`ppclcn th yhu, bf`lbcs `rc ahhn tf`t it st`rtmcn yhu `ln b`uscn yhu th w`ec up. Ig yhu f`vc cvcr gcmt subf scls`tihls, tfcl tfcl rc`mizc tf`t ^FIR IR QF@^ I^ GCCMR MIEC QFCL YHS MC@WC YHS_ OHNY. @a`il, yhu `rc acttila khrc `ln khrc rcm`xcn. Yhu gccm yhur ohnyyhur acttila `lno`bew`rns, fc`vicr. Gil`mmy, hg`rc ` sunncl, it gccms miec ohnyfc`vicr is smippila hr tf`t`mm yhu g`mmila, hr tf`t yhur ohny is smippila ghrw`rn, hr tf`t yhur ohny is gmh`tila acltmy nhwlw`rns. nhwlw`rns. @mm hg tfcsc `rc phssiomc eilcstfctib eilcstfctib scls`tihls tf`t yhu k`y cxpcriclbc. Zrihr th tfis yhu k`y hr k`y lht f`vc occl sccila fyplhahaib ik`acs. Qf`tcvcr tfc b`sc, wfcl tfis f`ppcls NH LH^ AC^ R^@_^MCN. Dust ah witf tfc gccmila, ocb`usc wfcl tfis f`ppcls, YHS @_C MC@WILA YHS_ OHNY. Yhu w`lt th `ltibip`tc tfis tfis f`ppclila. Qfcl Qfcl it nhcs st`rt f`ppclila, yhu wimm oc g`mmila, sminila, smippila, hr wf`tcvcr, il bhkpmctc n`relcss. n`relcss. Nhl't whrry `ohut `ohut tfc tfc n`relcss n`relcss citfcr. ^fis n`relcss is tfc tfc vhin I kcltihlcn. kcltihlcn. It's HE th oc il tfc vhin. Qf`t wimm oc f`ppclila `t tfis philt is tf`t yhu wimm oc g`mmila, smippila, ctb., tfrhuaf tfc vhin. @t tfis philt, YHS F@WC MCG^ MCG^ YHS_ OHNY. YHS @_C HS^ HG YHS_ OHNY. Yhu `rc il tfc vhin. Ig yhu giln tfis f`ppclila th yhu, fcrc's wf`t th nh. Yhu b`l riaft yhurscmg `ln "gmy" tfrhuaf tfrhuaf tfc vhin ig yhu w`lt w`lt th. Yhu b`l khvc khvc tfrhuaf tfc vhin. ^fcrc is lhtfila ahila hl, out yhu b`l khvc tfrhuaf it ig yhu w`lt. Miec I s`in, tfc vhin is ` libc pm`bc th dust sit (hr gmy) `ln cldhy tfc quict. Ig yhu w`lt th b`usc yhurscmg th `ppc`r shkcwfcrc il hlc hg tfc pm`lcs/suopm`lcs, ^_Y ^H MHHE @^ YHS_ F@LNR. 11
Yhu kiaft giln it ` mittmc niggibumt th pumm yhur f`lns up il grhlt hg yhur g`bc, out dust nh it `lyw`y. Qf`t yhu wimm scc `t girst is tf`t yhu f`vc lh f`lns! Dust st`rc st`rc `t wfcrc it gccms miec miec yhur f`lns `rc. Qiaamc yhur gilacrs, try th gm`im yhur `rks. Qf`t wimm f`ppcl is tf`t yhu wimm scc yhur f`lns `ln `rks ghrk il grhlt hg yhu! yhu! @t tfc s`kc tikc, YHS QIMM B@SRC @ RBCLC ^H K@^C_I@MITC @_HSLN YHS. Il cggcbt, oy nhila tfis "f`lns tribe", `s I b`mm it, wf`t `rc hl nhila tulila ^fc ilth lcxt ` suopm`lc, dustelhw, miec tulila ilthoc` r`nih yhu st`tihl tfcisr`nih. r`nih. tfila yhu yhu wimm shkcwfcrc . @t tfis philt, YHS @_C RHKCQFC_C IL ^FC ZM@LCR. Qc wimm t`me il nct`im nct`im il tfc lcxt scbtihl `ohut wf`t yhu b`l cxpcbt il tcrks hg wfcrc yhu `ppc`r, `ln wf`t th nh hlbc yhu `ppc`r shkcwfcrc. @lhtfcr tfila yhu b`l nh th act hut hg tfc vhin is RZIL YHS_RCMG @_HSLN MIEC @ ^HZ. Dust spil yhurscmg `rhuln `s g`st `s yhu b`l, `ln, dust miec witf tfc "f`lns tribe", yhu wimm b`usc yhurscmg th `ppc`r shkcwfcrc. I f`vc us uscn cn ohtf tfc spillila tribe `ln tfc f`lns tribe lukcrhus tikcs th mc`vc tfc vhin `ln cltcr tfc suopm`lcs. Lhw, `ppc`rila il tfc vhin is LH^ tfc hlmy tfila tf`t b`l f`ppcl th yhu wfcl yhu mc`vc yhur ohny. @ lukocr hg htfcr tfilas b`l hbbur thh. ^fcsc `rc `s ghmmhws. It is `msh vcry miecmy tf`t, `s yhur rcm`x`tihl nccpcls, `ln yhur ohny acts fc`vicr `ln fc`vicr, `ln yhu k`y hr k`y lht oc sccila fyplhahaib ik`acs, YHS QIMM OM@BEHS^, out hlmy ghr ` spmit ilst`lt. ^f`t is, yhu wimm mhsc yhur bhlsbihuslcss, out hlmy ghr ` khkclt. Il `l ilst`lt yhu wimm oc bhlsbihus `a`il, out yhu wimm lh mhlacr gccm yhurscmg myila hl yhur ocn, `ln yhu wimm lh mhlacr oc mhheila ilth tfc n`relcss ocfiln yhur bmhscn cycs. Yhu wimm rca`il yhur `w`rclcss `gtcr tfis khkclt`ry om`behut `ln YHS QIMM OC @R^_@M Z_HDCB^ILA. Yhu wimm oc shkcwfcrc il tfc nrc`k whrmn, gummy mubin. Yhu bhumn oc `lywfcrc4 yyhu hu k`y oc st`lnila il yhur rhhk, yhu k`y oc st`lnila il ` ghrcial fhusc, yhu bhumn oc shkcwfcrc yhu rcbhalizc hr shkcwfcrc tf`t is ulg`kimi`r th yhu. Qf`tcvcr tfc b`sc, yhu wimm oc shkcwfcrc `ln yhu wimm oc `str`m prhdcbtila. Lhw, `lhtfcr tfila tf`t b`l f`ppcl th yhu is tf`t yhu `rc myila hl yhur ocn acttila khrc `ln khrc rcm`xcn, `ln yhu ocail th scc fyplhahaib ik`acs. It is phssiomc, `s hlc hg ky ky dhurl`m cltrics 16
`ohvc sfhws, tf`t YHS B@L DSKZ NI_CB^MY IL^H @ FYZLHAHAIB IK@AC. Yhu k`y oc st`rila `t ` sbclc hg ` bity strcct, hr k`yoc ` sbclc hg ` ghrcst hr, `s I kcltihlcn, yhu k`y oc mhheila `t tfc rhhk rhhk yhu `rc il. Yhu b`l try th "pusf hut" ilth tfc sbclc itscmg. @s yhur rcm`x`tihl bhltilucs th nccpcl yhu wimm phssiomy gccm htfcr tfilas, `s I kcltihlcn `ohvc4 tilamcs hl yhur seil, bfimms khvila tfrhuaf yhur ohny. @msh, yhu kiaft fc`r str`lac shulns miec miec hr wfhhsfila wfhhs bf`ils @mm `s hg tfcsc scls`tihls `rcbrc`eila bf`r`btcristib hg fila wf`thryhu wimm r`ttmila. cxpcriclbc yhu brhss tfc ohrncr grhk tfc w`eila st`tc th tfc prhdcbtihl st`tc. Nhl't oc `m`rkcn oy `ly hg tfis. It is `mm pcrgcbtmy l`tur`m. Gil`mmy, `s yhu pr`btibc `ln act khrc uscn th tfc eilcstfctib scls`tihls `sshbi`tcn witf mc`vila yhur ohny, wf`t wimm f`ppcl is tf`t cvcltu`mmy yhu wimm dust elhw tf`t tf`t yhu b`l "pusf hut" hg yhur ohny. Rhkctikcs, tfis "pusfila hut" scls`tihl wimm gccm miec yhu `rc squirkila hut hg yhur ohny. Htfcr tikcs it wimm gccm miec miec yhu rc`mmy `rc pusfila hutw`rn. It k`y `msh gccm miec yhu `rc g`mmila hgg yhur ocn. @ly lukocr hg scls`tihls `rc phssiomc. ^fc philt is, yhu b`l @B^IWCMY pusf hut hg yhur ohny. @ohvc I sphec `ohut dust mcttila yhurscmg "g`mm" ilth tfc vhin, `ln tfis kctfhn hg mc`vila yhur ohny is purcmy Z@RRIWC. Z@RRIWC. Yhu b`l p`ssivcmy p`ssivcmy mc`vc yhur ohny ohny hr yhu b`l `btivcmy pusf pusf hut hg yhur ohny. Ohtf w`ys whre. @s yhu act octtcr `t prhdcbtila, yhu wimm giln tf`t khst hg tfc tikc yhu wimm `btivcmy pusf hut hg yhur ohny. ^h sukk`rizc `t tfis philt, wf`t yhu w`lt th nh is p`y `ttcltihl th yhur eilcstfctib scls`tihls. ^fcsc `rc tfc bmucs `s th wfcl yhu f`vc mcgt yhur ohny. ^fc nisshbi`tihl prhbcss wimm hbbur l`tur`mmy `ln sphlt`lchusmy. It nhcs cvcry liaft wfcl yhu ah th smccp `ln nrc`k. ^fc hlmy niggcrclbc fcrc is tf`t yhu `rc `ttckptila th t`ec yhur w`eila bhlsbihuslcss `brhss tfc ohrncr witf yhu. @ln, `s tikc ahcs hl, `ln yhu pr`btibc, yhu wimm cvcltu`mmy act uscn th tfc scls`tihl hg nisshbi`tila grhk yhur ohny, `ln yhu wimm dust elhw wfcl it's tfc riaft tikc th "dukp hut" ilth tfc HHOC. Rh, mct kc lhw sukk`rizc tfis tr`lbc kctfhn4
0. Yhu wimm mic nhwl il ` bhkghrt`omc pm`bc witf tfc iltclt th prhdcbt. 19
?. Yhu wimm `mmhw yhurscmg th rcm`x cvcr khrc nccpmy wfimc `t tfc s`kc tikc, yhu wimm eccp yhur kiln ghbuscn hl yhur scmg-`w`rclcss. 2. Yhu b`l st`rc ilth tfc n`relcss ocfiln yhur bmhscn cycs `ln w`it ghr fypl`ahaib ik`acs th `ppc`r. >. Yhu sfhumn st`y vcry bhlsbihus hg yhur eilcstfctib scls`tihls. 3. Cxpcbt tfc ghmmhwila th hbbur4 `. Yhur ohny wimm gccm khrc `ln khrc fc`vy `s yhur rcm`x`tihl nccpcls. o. Yhu wimm prho`omy scc fypl`ahaib ik`acs. 7. Yhu sfhumn `ltibip`tc `ly hg tfc ghmmhwila bf`lacs il yhur eilcstfctib scls`tihls4 `. ^ilamcs `ln bfimms il yhur ohny. o. @ gccmila hg smippila, g`mmila, gmh`tila. gmh`tila. b. @ phssiomc khkclt`ry om`behut. n. _cbhalitihl tf`t yhu b`l `btivcmy pusf hut hg yhur ohny. Lhw, I kust k`ec vcry bmc`r tf`t tfc tr`lsitihl grhk tfc gccmila hg myila il yhur ocn, th tfc gccmila tf`t yhu `rc lh mhlacr myila il yhur ocn b`l t`ec hl `l ikkclsc lukocr lukocr hg ghrks. ^fcrc is LH hlc "bhrrcbt" sct hg scls`tihls. @mkhst `lytfila is phssiomc. Qf`t I f`vc ncsbriocn `ohvc `rc tfc tfilas I gccm `ln pcrbcivc wfcl I ah`ln ilthpcrbcivc tr`lbc `ln th mc`vc ohny. Yhu wf`t k`y hr k`y lht gccm gccm tfc try s`kc tfilas.ky Fhwcvcr, I f`vc ncsbriocn `ohvc aivcs yhu shkctfila witf wfibf th act st`rtcn. I f`vc aivcl yhu spcbigib spcbigib tfilas tfilas th th mhhe ghr `ln cxpcbt. cxpcbt. Bf`lbcs `rc ahhn tf`t yhu wimm cxpcriclbc tfc s`kc tfilas I f`vc ncsbriocn fcrc, hr cxpcriclbc shkctfila vcry sikim`r. ^h wr`p up tfis scbtihl hl usila tfc tr`lbc kctfhn th mc`vc yhur ohny, I `k ahila th mist ` lukocr hg ky `btu`m cxpcriclbcs hg tfis tr`lsitihl. @a`il, tfcsc `rc `btu`m cltrics hut hg ky `str`m prhdcbtihl dhurl`m. I w`lt th s`y tf`t wf`t yhu b`l pcrbcivc wfimc cltcrila ilth tfc `str`m prhdcbtihl st`tc is bhkpmctcmy `k`zila. I `k `mw`ys tht`mmy 6:
omhwl `w`y oy wf`t f`ppcls il tfc tr`lsitihl grhk w`eila th prhdcbtila. @ln tfis is is dust tfc tfc tr`lsitihl ilth ilth tfc prhdcbtihl st`tc wc f`vc lht cvcl f`n hur prhdcbtihl yct! Out tfis ohrncrm`ln is bhkpmctcmy `k`zila. I st`rtcn hut s`yila tf`t it nhcsl't scck miec yhu `rc mc`vila yhur ohny wfcl yhu sikpmy ocbhkc mubin nurila ` nrc`k (`s I ncsbriocn fhw th nh il tfc prcvihus scbtihl hg tfcsc lhtcs). Fhwcvcr, hlbc yhu'vc cxpcriclbcn tfc tr`lsitihl grhk w`eila th prhdcbtila, tf`t is, hlbc yhur `w`rclcss f`s nircbtmy p`sscn tfrhuaf tfc ohrncrs octwccl w`eila `ln prhdcbtila, yhu wimm oc tht`mmy bhlvilbcn tf`t yhu f`vc rc`mmy "mcgt yhur ohny". Qf`t I'vc ncsbriocn il tfis scbtihl is `s rc`m `s it acts!!!! acts!!!! I wisf yhu `mm ahhn mube acttila th, `ln acttila `brhss tfis ohrncrm`ln! Qitf `mm tfc `ohvc s`in, mct kc lhw prcsclt ghr yhu shkc hg ky `nvclturcs hl tfc ohrncr octwccl w`eila `ln prhdcbtila.
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Nhl's @btu`m Cxpcriclbcs Hl ^fc Ohrncr Octwccl Q`eila @ln Zrhdcbtila
h, fcrc tfcy `rc, riaft grhk ky `str`m prhdcbtihl dhurl`m. _ckckocr, tfcsc `rc `mm dust cxbcrpts hg ky cxpcriclbcs witf purphscmy tfc tr`lsitihl grhk `w`ec th ocila il ` prhdcbtihl. I f`vc mcgt hut tfcocila ncsbriptihl hg ky suoscquclt prhdcbtihls grhk tfcsc cltrics. Qc wimm nisbuss wf`t it's miec nurila `l `str`m prhdcbtihl il tfc lcxt scbtihl hg tfcsc lhtcs.
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@s yhu rc`n tfc ghmmhwila cltrics, try th eccp il kiln wf`t I ncsbriocn il tfc prcvihus gimc. Yhu wimm scc cvcry phssiomc bhkoil`tihl hg tfc scls`tihls yhu b`l cxpcbt `s yhu cltcr tfc prhdcbtihl st`tc. @msh, tfc p`rcltfctib`m rck`res `rc bhkkclts I f`vc `nncn th fiafmiaft bcrt`il gc`turcs hg c`bf cltry th wfibf yhu sfhumn p`y `ttcltihl. 6?
0< (^fis w`s ky vcry girst prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc o`be il 0961.) "@mm I rckckocr `ohut ky girst wimmcn prhdcbtihl is tf`t I f`n ahlc th ocn witf tfc tfc iltclt th prhdcbt. @gtcr nhzila hgg, `t shkc philt I ocb`kc `w`rc hg tfc g`bt tf`t I w`s mhheila `t ky ocnrhhk, tfhuaf I bhumn gccm tf`t ky cycs wcrc bmhscn. I w`s `msh vcry `gr`in, `ln `ln tfc gc`r w`s hg tfc qu`mity tf`t I f`n cxpcriclbcn yc`rs yc`rs c`rmicr4 I w`s `gr`in out I ninl't elhw wfy, `ln tfcrc w`s lh `pp`rclt rc`shl rc`shl ghr ky ky gc`r. I rckckocr tf`t shkctfila shkctfila tf`t scckcn miec ` p`pcr-k`bfé sl`ec w`s stibeila hut hg ky w`mm `ln oitila ky f`lns. Out I bhumn lht gccm `lytfila cxbcpt tfc gc`r scls`tihl. I struaamcn `ln tricn th pumm `w`y grhk tfc sl`ec brc`turc. Cvcltu`mmy, tfc gc`r rcsphlsc ocb`kc sh arc`t tf`t I bhumn bhumn lh mhlacr oc`r oc`r it `ln I whec whec up."
?< "I `whec `ln `ttckptcn `ttckptcn th tr`vcm. Gcmt ky ky ohny g`mmila o`be th smccp. Il ky tfirn cyc I gcmt kyscmg sminila nhwl ` aia`ltib aia`ltib bmigg. Qfcl I mct ah I w`s hutsinc hg ky ohny. It scckcn miec I smin hut tfrhuaf ky gcct. I gmcw hut hg ky ocnrhhk ilth tfc o`be y`rn..."
2< (Lhtc fcrc fhw I s`w fyplhahaib ik`acs prihr th mc`vila ky ohny. ^fis is `msh `msh `l cx`kpmc hg om`beila hut hut ocghrc mc`vila) "Mhheila `t `l `ur` grhk hl tfc ilsinc hg it tf`t mhhecn miec tfc khncrl hlc il K`stcr K`stcr N.E.'s ohhe. Ar`y o`bearhuln, hr`lac rcn `ln om`be pibturcs il it, out khrc miec amypfs tf`l pfhths. I gcmt ulbhkghrt`omc mhheila `t it ocb`usc hg wf`t I tfhuaft tfc bhmhrs kc`lt. ^fcl `s I w`s mhheila, ` dct hr spr`y hg rcn p`rtibmcs il ` gilc kist scckcn scckcn th ckit grhk kc! ^fc `ur` scckcn th oc citfcr rcvhmvila `rhuln kc hr it w`s bf`laila its `ppc `ppc`r`lbc `r`lbc `s I mhhecn mhhecn `t it. It `ppc`rcn it w`shtfcr hl ` bhlb`vc miecwfimc tfc ilsinc hg ` ohwm. miec I s`w "wcirn" w`mm, tfilas I w`s 62
st`tihl`ry hl ky ocn out b`l't rckckocr tfck. @ m`rac gc`turcmcss gisf scckcn th swik p`st kc. I om`becn hut. Qfcl I rca`ilcn ky visihl I w`s st`lnila hl stcps mc`nila nhwl ilth wf`t `ppc`rcn th oc ` o`sckclt m`ulnrhk`t..."
>< (Fcrc is `l cx`kpmc hg kc usila tfc f`lns tribe. ^fis hbburrcn nurila tfc kinnmc hg ` prhdcbtihl tfhuaf. Lhtibc tf`t I clncn up tulila ilth hlc hg tfc mhwcr suopm`lcs) "^fcl I g`ncn hut hg tfc mhbekhmn `ln w`s o`be il tfc vhin `a`il. I tricn ky lcwmy nisbhvcrcn f`ln tribe `a`il. ^fis tikc I aht str`lac rcsumts. rcsumts. I s`w ky f`ln `ppc`r, eiln hg afhst miec `ln tr`lsp`rclt, tfcl nis`ppc`r `s I witfnrcw ky ikkcni`tc `ttcltihl grhk tryila th gccm/khvc it. I rc-bhlbcltr`tcn hl gccmila it. Lhw I w`s mhheila `t ky p`mk, tfuko `ln `ohut 0/? hg hlc gilacr. ^fis eiln hg arhsscn kc hut b`usc it mhhecn miec kcmtcn w`x hr shkctfila wfcrc tfc rcst hg ky f`ln sfhumn f`vc occl. ^fcl I w`tbfcn ky htfcr gilacrs "arhw" hr k`tcri`mizc, girst `s stukps, tfcl tfcy ghrkcn ilth ky gilacrs. ^fcl I aht tfc inc` th try th gccm gccm ohtf f`lns, tf tfcl cl ky mcas `ln gcct. I w`s mitcr`mmy wiaamila ky wfhmc wfhmc ohny. ^fis scckcn th b`usc tfc vhin th nis`ppc`r `ln k`ec kc pf`sc il th ` lcw mhbekhmn. @a`il, wfcrcvcr I w`s gcmt ncshm`tc `ln nilay..."
3<
(Fcrc is `l `btivc, "pusf hut" cx`kpmc) "M`in bhlbcltr`tila, bhlbcltr`tila, gcmt kyscmg kyscmg csb`pc. csb`pc. I w`s il ` purpmc bhbhhl, pm`stib miec, surrhulnila surrhulnila kc. I sfut ky ky cycs `ln gmcw/pusfcn ky w`y tfrhuaf it. Qclt upw`rns. I w`s il `l ulg`kimi`r sk`mm ocnrhhk hl tfc scbhln sthry. I aht tfc ikprcssihl I w`s up hvcr ky ocnrhhk, out cvcrytfila w`s ulg`kimi`r..."
7< (Fcrc's `l cx`kpmc hg tfcohny. prhomcks clbhultcr wfcl tryila th pusf hut hg yhur Il tfisyhu b`sck`y I pusfcn hut 6>
ilth tfc vhin, out uscn tfc f`lns tribe th b`usc kyscmg th k`tcri`mizc. ^fcrc is `lhtfcr tribe fcrc wfibf I usc th eccp ky mhbekhmn strhla. strhla. Lhtc tf`t tfis hbburrcn nurila tfc tfc kinnmc hg ` prhdcbtihl, out tfc inc`s `rc tfc s`kc `s `t tfc ocaillila hg ` prhdcbtihl.) "Q`s o`be il ky pfysib`m ohny, vcry bmhsc th ocila `w`ec. `w`ec. I bhumn fc`r shulns shulns hutsinc, hutsinc, gccm tfc ocn ulncr kc, ctb. Out I ninl't ninl't w`lt it th cln yct sh I m`in tfcrc tryila th g`mm o`be ilth it. @s ky tr`lbc w`s nccpclila, hr ky bhlbcltr`tihl w`s acttila strhlacr, I f`n tfc khkclt`ry cxpcriclbc hg sikumt`lchusmy ocila il ky pfysib`m ohny myila hl ky ocn, out `msh hg gmh`tila f`mg w`y hut hut hg ky pfysib`m pfysib`m ohny. I tricn tricn th dukp hut. hut. I bhumn hlmy scc tfc vhin, out it ninl't gccm miec I wclt `lywfcrc. I dukpcn hut > hr hr 3 tikcs tikcs out, cvcl tfhuaf I gcmt kyscmg dukp, it ninl't scck miec I w`s "hut". Gil`mmy tfhuaf I gcmt gcmt "hut". "hut". I w`s il tfc tfc vhin, vhin, out I bhumn ncgilitcmy scc tfc simfhucttc hg ky ocnrhhk `rhuln kc. I tricn iltclscmy th k`tcri`mizc. I `bficvcn ` p`rti`m k`tcri`miz`tihl. k`tcri`miz`tihl. I w`s st`lnila tfcrc il ky rhhk, rhhk, mhheila `t ky `rks. Ky f`lns wcrcl't tfcrc, tfcrc, tfcrc wcrc hlmy stukps tf`t mhhecn mhhecn kcmtcn. kcmtcn. Out I bhumn "gccm" ky ky f`lns. I tricn wiaamila ky gilacrs gilacrs `ln `ln tfcy `ppc`rcn, out hlmy hlmy smiaftmy. smiaftmy. Ky f`l f`lns ns mhhecn mhhecn miec kcmtcn stukps stukps witf o`rcmy visiomc, pr`btib`mmy tr`lsp`rclt gilacrs wiaamila `rhuln hl tfck. @ln I w`s f`vila f`vila ` niggibumt tikc k`ilt`ilila ky mhbekhmn. I rckckocrcn fhw fuaaila il tf`t f`nwitf fcmpcn ky mhbekhmn,tfc shbhultcr I ar`oocn ky o`r bf`ir ky st`oimizc tr`lsp`rclt f`lns, `ln I bhumn gccm kyscmg kyscmg st`oimizc. st`oimizc. I fuaacn fuaacn tfc bf`ir witf ky ohny tryila th oc `s bhlsbihus `s I bhumn hg tfc scls`tihl scls`tihl hg ky ky ohny up `a`ilst tfc bf`ir. I st`ycn miec tfis ultim ultim I gcmt bhlginclt bhlginclt th khvc. khvc. Hlbc ky mhbek mhbekhmn hmn st`oimizcn, I w`s surpriscn oy fhw mubin I gcmt. I gcmt bhkpmctcmy `w`ec `ln mubin `ln I w`s il `wc `t fhw rc`m cvcrytfila scckcn `rhuln `rhuln kc. Ky kiln oca`l th r`bc. Qf`t sfhumn I nh witf ky mubinity, wf`t b`l I cxpmhrc8."
63
1< (Fcrc's `l cx`kpmc hg kc ocbhkila mubin il ` nrc`k) "I w`s il ` nrc`k, w`meila nhwl `l ulg`kimi`r strcct il `l ulg`kimi`r lciafohrfhhn, `ln ghr lh `pp`rclt rc`shl, it n`wlcn hl kc kc tf`t I w`s nrc`kila. nrc`kila. I giaurcn it w`s ocst th st`y bhhm `ohut tfc g`bt `ln lht act cxbitcn, sh I ecpt w`meila `ln st`ycn b`su`m. b`su`m. Yct lhw I w`s bhkpmctcmy `w`rc hg ky clvirhlkclt. It w`s vcry vivin. I w`s hl ` ohumcv`rn w`meila p`st ` r`tfcr m`rac sbfhhm...."
6< (Fcrc's `l cx`kpmc hg lh orc`e il bhlsbihuslcss wfimc cltcrila tfc prhdcbtihl) "^ht`mmy bhlsbihus tr`lsgcr th prhdcbtihl, tfcrc w`s lh orc`e il ky bhlsbihuslcss. bhlsbihuslcss. I w`s m`yila hl ky ocn. Gcmt tf`t "sileila" gccmila hg rcm`x`tihl. R`w ` ar`y p`ttcrl `ln `ln "sw`k" ilth it. it. ^fc p`ttcrl thhe hl ` khrc achkctrib ghrk `rhuln kc, miec ` bfcbecr oh`rn, out it w`s miec khvila st`tib `s wcmm. Qfcl tfc st`tib bmc`rcn I w`s gmyila `ohut ` ncp`rtkclt sthrc..."
9< (@ libc immustr`tihl hg cltcrila tfc prhdcbtihl st`tc) " Q`s vcry tircn `ln wclt ilth tr`lbc c`simy. M`in bhlbcltr`tila ghr ` oit `ln cvcltu`mmy sbclcs oca`l ghrkila il ky tfirn cyc (i.c. fyplhahaib ik`acs). I rcm`xcn `ln pusfcn kyscmg hut, `btu`mmy I eiln hg "gcmm" hut. I w`s il tfc vhin out it w`s hlmy ` vcry vcry miaft ar`y skhey kist tfis tikc. I st`rcn ilth it `ln it ghrkcn ilth ` libcmy bhmhrcn bhmhrcn p`ttcrl. I tfhuaft th kyscmg, "lhw tfis is tfc `str`m pm`lc." Qf`t I s`w s`w w`s w`s `l hr`lac-ycmmhw miaft bcltcrcn `ln shkcwf`t hgg il tfc nist`lbc. Rurrhulnila tfis, hr ck`l`tila grhk it w`s ` omuisf purpmc kist tf`t g`ncn ilth om`be `t tfc pcripfcry. ^fc sbclc cvcltu`mmy g`ncn.
67
I w`s o`be il ky pfysib`m ohny `ln pusfcn kyscmg hut hut `a`il. ^fis tikc I w`s st`lnila il ky lcw ocnrhhk..."
0:< (@lhtfcr cx`kpmc hg ocila `t tfc ohrncr. ^fis `msh immustr`tcs fhw yhu k`y oc shkcwfcrc tf`t is g`kimi`r out it is `msh niggcrclt.) "I rckckocr st`lnila `t tfc cnac hg shkc eiln hg "hpclila", il wf`t I nhl't elhw. ^fc hpclila w`s surrhulncn oy bmhuns `ln n`relcss. ^frhuaf tfc hpclila I bhumn scc n`lbila bhmhr p`ttcrls tf`t mhhecn miec ` miaftlila sthrk. sthrk. ^fc hlmy bhmhrs I rckckocr wcrc wcrc gm`sfila ycmmhws `ln wfitcs, hl ` n`re o`bearhuln. I sthhn tfcrc w`tbfila ghr ` khkclt out I nhl't rcb`mm wf`t f`ppclcn f`ppclcn lcxt. I f`n tfc rc`miz`tihl rc`miz`tihl I bhumn mc`vc mc`vc ky ohny. I dukpcn hut `ln `ln w`s il ` rhhk rhhk tf`t rcsckomcn ky rhhk `t N`n's fhusc, cxbcpt lhlc hg ky stugg w`s tfcrc `ln tfc w`mms wcrc wfitc pm`stcr..."
00< (Fcrc's `l cx`kpmc hg fhw bhlgusila it b`l oc shkctikcs.) "Qhec `t 9 @K, wclt o`be th smccp `ln nrc`kcn. Qhec `a`il `t 0042: @K. I ncbincn th ah o`be th smccp. M`in tfcrc bhlbcltr`tila hl tfc sp`bc ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs. I f`n th ah th tfc o`tfrhhk, o`tfrhhk, `ln Dhfl f`n mcgt tfc nhhr hg hur hur rhhk rhhk hpcl. hpcl. I bhumn bhumn fc`r fc`r ky ky rhhkk`tcs rhhkk`tcs nhwlst`irs. R`w pibturcs pibturcs il ky tfirn cyc5 ` bhupmc hg niggcrclt vicws hg ky g`bc, shkc m`lnsb`pcs, `ln shkc ulincltigi`omc giaurilcs. ^fcl ky rhhkk`tc Nrcw b`kc up tfc stcps `ln fc tfrcw ` brukpmcn up o`a `t kc. "Yhu ***fhmc, act hutt` fcrc!" I s`in th fik. Fc s`in, "Lh w`y, w`y, k`l, I'k ahll` oua yhu." yhu." Fc b`kc hvcr oy ky ocn `ln I rc`bfcn hut th striec `t fik. Qfcl I swula ky `rk ghrw`r ghrw`rn, n, it w`s tfcl tf`t I gcmt miec I w`s pummila hut hg ky ohny. Nrcw w`s tryila th oua kc `ln it n`wlcn hl kc tf`t I w`s il tr`lbc. I w`s burihus burihus ocb`usc tfcrc w`s lh orc`e il ky bhlsbihuslcss `t `mm. I tfcl g`ncn o`be ilth ky ohny. I 61
tricn th ah o`be th tfc prhdcbtihl. @ rigt ghrkcn il tfc sp`bc ocfiln ky cycs, cycs, `ln il tfis rigt, ` omurry giaurc w w`s `s tryila th ar`o `t kc. Mhst tfis mhbekhmn. Qhec up bhkpmctcmy. Fc`rn Nrcw nhwlst`irs pm`yila fis auit`r."
0?< (^fis is ` libc ncsbriptihl hg shkc eilcstfctib scls`tihls.) " M`in tfcrc il ocn ` wfimc p`yila `ttcltihl th ky pfysihmhay `s I w`s g`mmila o`be `smccp. Gcmt strc`ks hg w`rktf sfhhtila tfrhuaf ky ohny `ln vior`tihls tfrhuaf ky `rks, mcas `ln thrsh. I s`w ` pibturc ghrk il ky tfirn tfirn cyc, cyc, it w`s ulrcbhaliz`omc. ulrcbhaliz`omc. Kust f f`vc `vc orhec orhec bhlsbihuslcss ocb`usc tfc lcxt I elcw I w`s il tfc st`tc wfcrc I gcmt I bhumn nisshbi`tc. nisshbi`tc. M`in tfcrc struaamila th act hut. I wiaamcn hut. I r`l th tfc grhlt wilnhw fcrc il tfc `ttib..."
02< (Fcrc's `l cx`kpmc hg stcppila ilth ` fyplhahaib ik`ac, `msh lhtc wf`t I s`y `ohut ocila st`rtmcn `ln eccpila kyscmg rcm`xcn.) " I whec whec grhk smccp. F`n gmcctila amikpscs hg hg ky nrc`k kckhrics tfcl tfcy wcrc wcrc ahlc. ahlc. M`in hoscrvila hoscrvila ky pfysihmhay. I f`n f`n `l `spiril tfc liaft ocghrc `ln lhw I gcmt it ourlila il ky sthk`bf. I gcmt octtc octtcrr tf`l I nin ocghrc I gcmm `smccp. I sfut ky cycs `ln bhumn bhumn scc ilth (tfrhuaf8) ky tfirn cyc. cyc. @s is bhkk bhkkhl hl ghr kc, wfclcvcr ` pibturc whumn ghrk I whumn gccm ` tiaftclila il ky fc`rt, wfibf whumn `mw`ys b`usc tfc ik`ac th g`nc grhk ky tfirn cyc. I tricn th stimm stimm tfis `ln rcm`x `ln dust dust b`mkmy w`tbf tfc pibturcs ghrk ghrk il ky tfirn cyc. @ gcw sbclcs ghrkcn `ln g`ncn out I nhl't rcb`mm wf`t tfcy wcrc. Gil`mmy I k`l`acn th bhhrnil`tc ky fc`rt `ln tfirn cyc bf`er`s. ^fc sbclc hg ` strcct strcct ghrkcn vivinmy il grhlt grhlt hg ky bmhscn cycs. ^fcrc w`s ` rivcr hgg th ky mcgt, 3:-0:: 3:-0:: y`rns grhk tfc rh`n. Hl tfc mcgt scckcn th oc ` bhlstrubtihl sitc. ^fcrc wcrc ouimnilas hl ky riaft. I w`s tryila th hoscrvc nct`ims `ln I gcmt ky ghht stcp ghrw`rn! Rurpriscn hut tfila I elcw, I w`s w`meila `mhla tfc tfc fcmm strcct. strcct...." ..."hg kc! Lcxt tfila 66
0>< (@lhtfcr cx`kpmc hg mc`vila.) "Qhec `rhuln `rhuln 04:: @K. Qitfil `ohut 0 fhur, I gcmt ` tfrho `t tfc o`be hg ky fc`n. Qhlncrcn ig it f`n `lytfila th nh witf ky pilc`m am`ln. ^ricn th g`mm o`be th smccp out out I w`s thh ulbhkghrt`omc ulbhkghrt`omc grhk tfc p`il. Q`s up ghr ` mittmc wfimc, thhe shkc `spiril `ln wclt o`be th ocn. I m`y il ocn w`itila ghr tfc `spiril th fit kc. Rhhl I bhumn scc tfc swirmila khtihl khvila tfrhuaf tfc n`relcss ocfiln ocfiln ky bmhscn bmhscn cycs. I tfhuaft hg tfc khtihl `s "ky gricln". I tricn th sclsc ig tfcrc w`s `ly bhllcbtihl octwccl octwccl tfc tfrh tfrhooila ooila `ln tfc khtihl. Lcxt I elcw, tfc `spiril thhe cggcbt `ln tfc tfrho w`s lukocn `w`y. I bhltilucn bhltilucn th w`tbf il ky tfirn cyc. I st`rtcn th oc `omc th scc tfc kckc o`btcri` `ln tfc ik`acry w`s surprisilamy bmc`r. Fhwcvcr, wfclcvcr I `bficvcn ` ahhn bmc`r ghbus, I whumn ocbhkc thh cxbitcn `ln tfc ik`acs whumn whumn g`nc. M`in tfileila tfileila `ohut shkc k`tcri`m k`tcri`m I f`n rc`n c`rmicr `ohut kibrhtuoumc tr`lsphrt `ln niggusihl b-@KZ lctwhres il tfc or`il `ln wf`t tfis kiaft f`vc th nh witf tfc kckc o`btcri` tf`t I bhumn scc. I kust f`vc nrigtcn hgg b`usc tfc lcxt tfila I rc`mizcn, I bhumn mc`vc ky ohny. Out I w`s myila il ` ocn il ` tht`mmy tht`mmy ulg`kimi`r rhhk. I gmcw hut tfrhuaf tfc w`mm `ln w`s il `l ulg`kimi`r suouro..."
03<
(Fcrc's ` libc ncsbriptihl hg w`tbfila tfc fypl`ahaib ik`acs, `msh il tfis cxpcriclbc I `ppc`r hl tfc Ctfcrib pm`lc.) "M`in nhwl th prhdcbt. Q`s vcry rcm`xcn. M`in w`tbfila ik`acs ghrk il ky tfirn cyc (tfc sh-b`mmcn fypl`ahaib ik`acs). I w`tbfcn tfis prhbcss b`rcgummy. @t girst tfc ik`acs bhumn oc sccl th `ppc`r il tfc ar`ily kimicu ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs. ^fcy whumn oc tfc ar`ililcss il tfc ghrk suaacstivc hg ` g`bc. ^fcy nin lht f`vc bhmhr bhmhr th tfck. Rhhl tfhuaf tfhuaf I whumn oc hoscrvila `l ik`ac il gumm bhmhr, out it whumn hlmy m`st `l ilst`lt. ^fc ilst`lt I whumn oc `w`rc hg ` vivin `ln nistilbt 69
ik`ac, ky fc`rt bf`er` whumn tclsc `ln tfc ik`ac whumn nis`ppc`r. @msh, I'n gccm gccm kyscmg kyscmg "smip" bmhscr th ocila winc `w`ec `w`ec wfcl I'n mhsc mhsc `l ik`ac. Rhhl tfc ik`acs wcrc ghrkila r`pinmy `ln il bhmhr. ^fcy wcrc vcry suotmc. Hlbc I ocb`kc rcm`xcn clhuaf tf`t I whumn lht "tclsc" tfc pibturcs `w`y, I lhtibcn tf`t tfc ik`acs whumn omcln ikpcrbcptiomy witf ky visu`m kckhry. ^f`t is, hlc ilst`lt I whumn oc hoscrvila ` fypl`ahaib ik`ac, tfc lcxt ilst`lt I w`s rckckocrila rckckocrila tfc ik`ac. @t tikcs tfis whumn hbbur sh quibemy tf`t I `mkhst bhumnl't tcmm ig I w`s dust bhldurila up `l ik`ac il ky ik`ail`tihl. Gil`mmy, hlc p`rtibum`r ik`ac bmibecn il `ln I gcmt vcry st`omc. I tfhuaft th kyscmg, kyscmg, "^fis is it. it. Mc`vc lhw." I mhhecn `rhuln `ln s`w I w`s myila hl ` ocn il ` rhhk tf`t mhhecn miec ky ocnrhhk (`t ky N`n's fhusc, wfibf is wfcrc I `k `t riaft lhw), cxbcpt tfcrc w`s lh gurliturc il tfis rhhk. I bhumn fc`r "f`ultcn fhusc" shulns4 wiln omhwila, sfriceila `ln bm`leila `ln fhwmila shulns. ^fcy wcrc lht mhun out tfcy wcrc `uniomc. I tricn th mcvit`tc out I bhumn lht. I bhumn gccm ky ohny `ln it w`s p`r`myzcn. p`r`myzcn. I rc`mizcn tf`t I w`s w`s hl tfc Ctfcrib pm`lc. I bhumn fc`r ky stcp khtfcr khtfcr t`meila vcry bmc`rmy il tfc lcxt rhhk. I tricn th act up. It w`s vcry niggibumt th khvc out I pummcn pummcn kyscmg up. I pummcn ky bhvcrs hgg hg kc `ln tricn th st`ln up. I gcmt vcry fc`vy `ln elcw I w`s il ky Ctfcrib (cbthpm`sk) ohny...."
07< "Qclt th t`ec t`ec ` l`p `gtcr bm`sscs. Occl grustr`tcn m`tcmy b`usc I f`vcl't tr`vcmcn il `ohut `ohut ` khltf. Q`s nctcrkilcn th nh it lhw lhw.. M`in il ocn ocn tryila th ghbus, out ky kiln ecpt w`lncrila. Gil`mmy I k`nc ` strhla nctcrkilcn cgghrt. @ bhupmc fypl`ahaib ik`acs b`kc `ln wclt. Hlc hg tfck w`s w`s scxu`m `ln it b`uscn kc th w`ec. I oca`l th bhlbcltr`tc bhlbcltr`tc hl tfc miafts ocfiln ky ky bmhscn cycs (clthpib miaft) `ln tfc "wfhhsfila" shulns il ky c`r (tfc omhhn birbum`tila birbum`tila il tfc c`r). c`r). Rhkc tikc p`sscn, yct I ecpt bhlbcltr`tila. Gil`mmy it fit. I gcmt tfc "fc`nrusf" gccmila, out `t tf`t khkclt its sialigib`lbc 9:
csb`pcn kc. Out I tricn th dukp hut hut `lyw`y. `lyw`y. It whrecn! whrecn! I w`s il ky ocnrhhk, mhbekhmn omileila hl `ln hgg o`nmy...."
01< (Fcrc's `l cx`kpmc hg ` p`ssivc cxit, `ln `pp`rcltmy fcrc I "gcmm" ilth ky ky fypl`ahaib ik`acs! Lhtc thh tf`t tfis cltry hbburr hbburrcn cn il tfc kinnmc hg ` prhdcbtihl, out `a`il, tfc s`kc tfila bhumn c`simy f`ppcl wfcl yhu girst try th mc`vc. Lhtc thh fhw I `k tryila th rckckocr ky prhdcbtihl wfimc it is hbburrila.) "M`in tryila th rckckocr `mm tf`t f`s occl rcbhrncn th tfis philt ocghrc I `ttckptcn th mc`vc `a`il. Rhhl I gcmt `s ig I w`s rcbmilcn o`bew`rns, witf ky gcct up `ohut ? gcct up il tfc `ir, tfhuaf I w`s stimm strctbfcn hut hl ky ocn. I st`rcn st`rcn ilth tfc "st`rs" (inchrctil`m miaft) ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs `ln I bhumn scc arccl `ln purpmc sf`pcs hg tfc kckc o`btcri` khvila il ` w`y tf`t mhhecn miec ulibcmmum`r brc`turcs khvila ulncr ` kibrhsbhpc (miec tfc khtihl hlc sccs wfcl mhheila `t phln w`tcr ulncr ` kibrhsbhpc). I bhumn scc tfis quitc bmc`rmy. I kclt`mmy ecpt tippila kyscmg stccpcr o`bew`rns. ^fcl sunnclmy I smin smin o`bew`rns o`bew`rns riaft ilth tfc kinst kinst hg tfc kckc o`btcri`! ^fis k`nc k`nc kc sb`rcn. Out I bhumn scc fcmib`m tuocs hg arccl `ln purpmc khvila `ln spir`mila spir`mila `rhuln kc. I elcw tf`t I kust oc il ky or`il shkcwfcrc. I b`l't rckckocr lhw (`s I'k rcbhrnila tfis) cx`btmy wf`t I s`w. Fhwcvcr I f`n bhltilucn th g`mm o`bew`rns, `ln it w`s `s ig I smin o`bew`rns tfrhuaf tfrhuaf tfc arccl arccl `ln purpmc purpmc spir`ms. Qfcl I sthppcn g`mmila o`bew`rns, o`bew`rns, I f`n m`lncn il ` r`tfcr m`rac rhhk tf`t scckcn g`kimi`r th kc, tfhuaf I bhumnl't pm`bc wfy..."
06< (Fcrc I `pp`rcltmy gccm miaftcr ilstc`n hg fc`vy `s ky tr`lbc acts nccpcr. Rcc, tfis is wfy yhu writc tfc stugg nhwl! I lcvcr whumn f`vc rckckocrcn tfis!) "Qhec `ohut 14:: @K. Qclt `ln pisscn `ln b`kc o`be th ocn iltclt iltclt uphl mc`vila. mc`vila. M`in nhwl gccmila "stigg-tircn". @s I rcm`xcn `ln bhlbcltr`tcn bhlbcltr`tcn I gcmt kyscmg kyscmg 90
act miaftcr `ln miaftcr. R`w tfc "st`rs" ("inchrctil`m miaft") tr`lsghrk ilth ` o`mmhhl-miec bhbhhl surrhulnila kc. I turlcn turlcn `rhuln `ln pusfcn o`bew`rns tfrhuaf it. I tfile I `ppc`rcn il ` ghrcst, out I b`l't rckckocr lhw ghr surc. I rcb`mm w`meila `mhla ` kunny nirt rh`n...." rh`n...."
09< (^fc ghmmhwila r`tfcr mhla cltry w`s writtcl `ohut 0 yc`r `gtcr I st`rtcn `str`m prhdcbtila. Yhu wimm lhtc k`ly hg tfc g`kimi`r tfckcs I f`vc ncsbriocn `ohvc, out `msh lhtc ky khrc nct`imcn ncsbriptihl hg tfck. tfck. @s tfcsc cmckclts ocb`kc khrc gg`kimi`r `kimi`r th kc, I whumn t`ec khrc tikc th stuny tfck b`rcgummy.) "^fc khst cxbitila tfila thn`y w`s ky fyplhahaib ik`acry I s`w ocghrc I mcgt ky ohny. I `k khst ncgilitcmy acttila octtcr `t `mmhwila tfirn cyc ik`acs th ghrk. I nhl't scck th lccn th ah ilth `s nccp ` tr`lbc `s `s I uscn th ocghrc tfc tfc ik`acry st`rts. ^hn`y I w`s hlmy vcry rcm`xcn, lht cvcl il tr`lbc yct, `ln tfc girst ik`ac ghrkcn. It m`stcn il gumm prhphrtihls ghr k`yoc 3 scbhlns tfcl wc`eclcn ` oit `ln milacrcn ghr k`yoc `lhtfcr `lhtfcr ?: scbhlns. @gtcr tfc ik`ac wc`eclcn wc`eclcn ` oit, I bhumn `btu`mmy hpcl ky cycs `ln stimm scc tfc fyplhahaib ik`ac `t tfc s`kc tikc! ^fc fc`rt fc`rt bf`er` bf`er` dcre tf`t usu`mmy `bbhkp`lics ky rcbhalitihl hg ` fyplhahaib ik`ac w`s w`s wc`ecr thn`y. Qfcl I gcmt it, it nin lht b`usc b`usc tfc ik`ac th g`nc. I'k ocaillila th suspcbt tf`t tfc pcrbcivila hg tfcsc fyplhahaib ik`acs is rcm`tcn th or`il w`vc st`tcs (i.c. CCA p`ttcrls), ocb`usc tfcrc is ` vcry nistilbt bf`lac il tfc "b`rricr w`vc" hg ky bhlsbihuslcss ocghrc tfcsc ik`acs ocail th `risc. Qf`t w`s tfc ik`ac8 (pibturc il lhtcohhe) It w`s ` birbmc tf`t w`s nivincn up miec ` pic `ln it mhhecn th f`vc rivcts il it. I whlncrcn whlncrcn ig it w`s shkc typc typc hg ik`ac hg hlc hg ky bf`er`s. It f`n ` ycmmhwisf ycmmhwisf wfitc b`st th it. Il tfc "strhlacr ik`ac" tfc uppcr mcgt qu`nr`lt hg tfc birbmc scckcn th oc hpcl rcvc`mila ` vicw hg ` bmhuny omuc sey. sey. ^fcrc wcrc wcrc `msh mittmc lchl lchl arccl sprilas tf`t gmittcn il `ln hut hg ky visihl. Qfcl tfc ik`ac ocb`kc "wc`ecr" tfc rcaihl sfhwila tfc sey nis`ppc`rcn, it bmhscn up, `ln `mm I bhumn scc w`s `l 9?
ik`ac hg tfc birbmc, tfhuaf it scckcn khrc tr`lsp`rclt, tfc bhmhrs wcrc khrc p`mc. @gtcr tfc ik`ac nctcrihr`tcn, I bhumn scc mhts hg "lchl khtihl" il tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs supcrikphscn hvcr tfc ik`acry hg tfc nrigtila clthpib miaft. I ncsircn th mc`vc. Rhhl, tfc Euln`mili vior`tihls st`rtcn up `ln thhe hvcr ky ohny. ^fcsc gcmt miec bfimms wfippila acltmy acltmy up `ln nhw nhwl l ky wfhmc ohny. ohny. I m`y tfcrc gccmila tfis ghr shkc tikc. @t shkc philt I `ttckptcn th mc`vc, th pusf up `ln hut, `ln it whrecn. I w`s il ky ocnrhhk `ln it mhhecn cxtrckcmy pfysib`m - sh kubf sh tf`t I w`sl't cvcl surc ig I f`n mcgt hr ig I f`n whecl up. up. Out wfcl wfcl I tricn th khvc, ky khtihl w`s smuaaisf `ln mctf`raib `ln tfc g`rtfcr I khvcn grhk ky ocn tfc khrc niggibumt it w`s th bhltiluc, `ln I elcw tfcl tf`t I w`s il ky ky Ctfcrib ohny. ohny. Bhumnl't p`ss tfrhuaf tfc bcimila, w`mm hr ocfiln ohhesfcmg. ^fcl I "sl`ppcn" o`be o`be ilth ky pfysib`m pfysib`m ohny. M`y tfcrc nrigtila hgg il ky tfhuafts. Gil`mmy, I rcghbuscn hl mc`vila mc`vila `a`il. Ky bhlsbihuslcss bhlsbihuslcss sccks sccks th f`vc orhecl `ln lcxt tfila I elcw, I w`s gmyila il tfc vhin. Gmcw ghr ` nist`lbc tfcl tricn tfc f`lns tribe. It thhe shkc tikc ghr kc th ghbus kyscmg il, out it whrecn wcmm tfis tikc. @s shhl `s I bhumn scc/gccm ky ohny, ky ocnrhhk f`n f`n k`tcri`mizcn k`tcri`mizcn `rhuln kc `s wcmm. Ky rhhk `ppc`rcn niggcrclt tfhuaf lhw...." CLN HG DHS_L@M CL^_ICR
Qcmm, I fhpc yhu ninl't kiln `mm tfhsc cltrics. ^fc rc`shl I put sh k`ly il tfcsc lhtcs is ocb`usc acttila hut hg yhur ohny is hovihusmy tfc khst brubi`m p`rt hg tfis tfis wfhmc cxpcriclbc! cxpcriclbc! I w`ltcn th immustr`tc th yhu dust fhw v`ri`omc tfis is `ln fhw k`ly niggcrclt w`ys it b`l k`ligcst. @ln `msh, `s yhu b`l scc grhk tfc `ohvc cltrics, mc`vila yhur ohny is oy lh kc`ls ` but `ln nry tfila. Rhkctikcs I w`s lht surc ig I w`s stimm `w`ec hr ig I w`s il tr`lbc yct. Hg bhursc, cvcltu`mmy I'n giaurc it hut, out it's lht `mw`ys hovihus. @msh, yhu b`l scc tf`t tfcrc is lh rcaum`r p`ttcrl th wf`t 92
f`ppcls `s yhu ah nccpcr ilth ilth tr`lbc. tr`lbc. Rhkctikcs yhu k`y scc fyplhahaib ik`acs, htfcr htfcr tikcs yhu k`y g`mm il ilth th tfck! Rhkctikcs yhu kiaft lht cvcl scc tfck. Il spitc hg `mm tfis bhkpmcxity, I rc`mmy fhpc I f`vc `t mc`st aivcl yhu shkc inc` hg wf`t it is miec th ah ilth tr`lbc `ln wf`t it is miec th mc`vc yhur ohny.
9>
Htfcr ^cbfliqucs Ghr Acttila Hut Hg Ohny
Ocghrc I st`rt tfc thpib hg wf`t it is `btu`mmy miec il ` prhdcbtihl, I w`lt th oricgmy kcltihl shkc htfcr kctfhns tf`t pchpmc usc th act ilth tfc prhdcbtihl st`tc. I f`vc s`vcn tfcsc tcbfliqucs ghr m`st ocb`usc I nhl't usc tfck `ln nhl't rc`mmy elhw thh kubf `ohut tfck. I suspcbt tf`t ig yhu w`lt khrc ilghrk`tihl `ohut tfc ghmmhwila tcbfliqucs yhu b`l ah ilquirc hl tfc kcss`ac oh`rns fcrc il tfc BhkpuRcrvc Lcw @ac ghruk. ^fcrc `rc k`ly pchpmc fcrc il tfc ghruk wfh elhw khrc `ohut tfcsc tcbfliqucs tf`l I nh. @s wcmm, tfcrc `rc rcgcrclbcs prhvincn il tfc oiomihar`pfy oiomihar`pfy tf`t spcbigy il kubf khrc nct`im tf`l I nh fcrc fhw th `bficvc prhdcbtihls usila tfcsc htfcr kctfhns (scc cspcbi`mmy _hah's "Mc`vila ^fc Ohny"). ^fc tcbfliqucs tcbfliqucs I'n miec miec th kcltihl kcltihl lhw `rc4 0. visu`miz`tihl kctfhns, `ln ?. usila cmcbtrhlib ncvibcs subf `s t`pcs `ln htfcr a`nacts `ln usila nruas. 93
Wisu`miz`tihl Kctfhns Kctfhns
^fc o`sib inc` hg visu`miz`tihl kctfhns ghr prhdcbtila clt`ims brc`tila `l ik`ac il yhur kiln's cyc `ln tfcl stcppila ilth tfis ik`ac. @ohvc, il ky nisbussihl `ohut tfc tr`lbc kctfhn, I wclt th arc`t cgghrt th k`ecilbmc`r `rc niggcrclt tf`l ik`acs brc`tcn yhur tf`t visu`mfyplhahaib ik`ail`tihlik`acs (i.c. yhur kiln's cyc). Qf`t wc wc lhw w`lt th nisbuss `rc `rc tfc ik`acs yhu brc`tc il yhur visu`m ik`ail`tihl, `ln wc `rc LH^ nisbussila fyplhahaib ik`acs. Miec tfc tr`lbc kctfhn, visu`miz`tihl kctfhns rcquirc bhlbcltr`tihl. Yhu brc`tc `l ik`ac il yhur kiln's cyc `ln yhu kust bhlbcltr`tc hl tfis ik`ac, wfibf kc`ls yhu kust fhmn tfis ik`ac uliltcrruptcn uliltcrruptcn il yhur kiln's cyc. Rubf ` tfila tfila is lht c`sy th nh. Ig yhu b`l fhmn hl th hlc tfhuaft ghr mhlacr tf`l 3 scbhlns yhu `rc nhila rc`mmy ahhn. ^fis typc hg bhlbcltr`tihl is `msh ` o`sib tcbfliquc hg yha` kcnit`tihl. Il yha`, hlc k`y bhlbcltr`tc hl ` k`ln`m` hr ` bf`lt `s ` kcnit`tihl cxcrbisc. Bhlbcltr`tila hl ` k`ln`m` is ` visu`miz`tihl cxcrbisc. Rh, th `bficvc ` prhdcbtihl tfrhuaf visu`miz`tihl, hlc kust girst oc vcry ahhn `t bhlbcltr`tila bhlbcltr`tila hl visu`m ik`acs. Ig yhu `rc lht ahhn `t tfis, it wimm rcquirc kubf prcmikil`ry pr`btibc ocghrc yhu cvcr scc yhur yhur girst prhdcbtihl. Yhu wimm f`vc th pr`btibc n`imy hl fhmnila `l ik`ac ik`ac uliltcrruptcn il yhur kiln's kiln's cyc. It is hlmy wfcl yhu b`l fhmn `l ik`ac il yhur kiln's cyc ghr `l cxtclncn pcrihn hg tikc - pcrf`ps 03 th 2: kilutcs - tf`t yhu wimm tfcl oc `omc th cltcr ilth tfis ik`ac. Lcxt, wf`t nhcs it kc`l th "cltcr `l ik`ac il yhur ik`ail`tihl"8 Lhw, silbc I nh lht usc tfis kctfhn, I b`l hlmy ah oy wf`t I f`vc rc`n. Grhk tfcsc shurbcs, it `ppc`rs ttf`t f`t tfc `bt hg stcppila ilth ` visu`m ik`ac is sikim`r th pusfila hut hg yhur ohny `s is nhlc il tfc tr`lbc kctfhn. Gr`lemy, I b`l't ik`ailc tf`t tfis is vcry c`sy th nh. Rtcppila ilth `l ik`ac il yhur kiln's cyc is ` niggcrclt prhbcss tf`l stcppila ilth ` fyplhahaib ik`ac hr pusfila hut hg yhur ohny wfimc wfimc il tr`lbc. tr`lbc. I suspcbt tf`t vcry gcw pchpmc giln it c`sy th mitcr`mmy stcp stcp ilth tfcir tfhuafts. Rurc, wc `mm n`y-nrc`k th 97
shkc cxtclt hr `lhtfcr, out fhw k`ly hg us pfysib`mmy gccm hurscmvcs il il tfc n`y-nrc`k8 I elhw I nh lht. lht. Qfcl I n`y-nrc`k, I `k gummy `w`rc tf`t I `k k`eila up ` sthry il ky kiln, `ln ky eilcstfctib scls`tihls `rc girkmy gixcn fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Yct, it sccks th kc tf`t tfis is wf`t visu`miz`tihl kctfhns clt`im5 stcppila ilth ` n`y-nrc`k. I suspcbt tf`t tfc `oimity th mitcr`mmy stcp ilth yhur tfhuafts kust oc ` t`mclt phsscsscn oy ` sk`mm gr`btihl hg tfc fuk`l phpum`tihl. Ghr khst hg us, tfcrc is ` vcry riain nistilbtihl octwccl hur pcrbcptihl hg hurscmvcs il tfc pfysib`m whrmn `ln il hur tfhuafts. Ghr cx`kpmc, wfcl wc `rc sittila il ` bm`ssrhhk n`yn`ynrc`kila, wc `rc stimm (p`ilgummy8 =a hr 3 sk`sfcs timm I k`nc ` s`gc fhmc th bmiko tfrhuaf. Lhtfila f`ppclcn f`ppclcn th ky ky f`ln wfcl wfcl I sk`sfcn sk`sfcn tfc am`ss. I bmikocn witf shkc shkc trhuomc hut tfc wilnhw..." wilnhw..."
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6< (^fis cx`kpmc immustr`tcs tfc "omippila" I sphec hg c`rmicr. Yhu nhl't `mw`ys ah wfcrc yhu w`lt th nurila `l HHOC `s yhu b`l scc grhk tfis cx`kpmc.) "...I k`nc ky w`y w`y ilth ilth tfc tfc `nd`bclt `nd`bclt eitbfcl. I s`w tfrhuaf ` wilnhw up hvcr tfc sile tf`t it w`s r`ilila hutsinc, `ln I bhumn gccm tf`t pmc`s`lt grcsf gccmila tf`t hlc gccms hl w`rk `ln sully r`ily n`ys. I w`s rc`mmy surpriscn tf`t it r`ilcn hl tfc `str`m pm`lc `ln tf`t it gcmt sh sikim`r th wf`t it's miec hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. I rc`mmy w`ltcn th ah hutsinc `ln gccm tfc r`il ghr kyscmg. I tricn th p`ss tfrhuaf tfc w`mm th act hutsinc out out I bhumnl't. I tricn th ah ghrw`rn `ln o`bew`rn, out dust bhumnl't p`ss tfrhuaf tfrhuaf tfc w`mm. ^fc wilnhw wilnhw w`s w`s hpcl, out tfcrc w`s ` sbrccl sbrccl omhbeila ky w`y. I tricn th hpcl tfc sbrccl out bhumnl't, sh I ncbincn th tc`r tfc wilnhw hut. I sk`sfcn tfrhuaf it out tfc fhmc w`s thh sk`mm th br`wm tfrhuaf, sh I thrc `w`y tfc w`mm `rhuln tfc wilnhw. Out tfc fhmc fhmc w`s stimm stimm thh sk`mm sk`mm th p`ss tfrhuaf! Rh I thrc thrc nhwl tfc tfc wfhmc eitbfcl eitbfcl w`mm! I giaurcn, fcmm, it w`s dust shkcohny's tfhuaft-ghrk `lyw`y, `ln tfcy bhumn rcbhlstrubt rcbhlstrubt it c`sy clhuaf! Lhw tfc fhmc w`s oia clhuaf th bmiko tfrhuaf `ln I dukpcn dukpcn tfrhuaf it. Out I w`sl't hutsinc! Ilstc`n, I w`s il ` str`lac `ln ulg`kimi`r f`mmw`y. f`mmw`y. I turlcn `rhuln `ln tfc eitbfcl witf tfc fhmc il tfc w`mm w`s ahlc! ^fcrc w`s dust ` nhhr tfcrc lhw..."
Yhu b`l `msh scc grhk tfis m`st cx`kpmc fhw sp`bc nhcs LH^ `mw`ys ocf`vc il tfc HHOC rc`mk tfc w`y it ocf`vcs fcrc il tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. pm`lc. I f`n rippcn rippcn tfc wfhmc wfhmc wilnhw hut, hut, `ln yhu'n f`vc tfhuaft I'n oc `omc th bmiko tfrhuaf tfc fhmc, out I bhumn lht! I rc`mmy nin cln up tc`rila nhwl tfc wfhmc eitbfcl w`mm ocghrc I bhumn act tfrhuaf tfc fhmc I k`nc! Hg bhursc, tfis nhcsl't k`ec `ly sclsc wfcl wc tfile hg it il pfysib`m tcrks, `ln I w`s bhlguscn `ohut `ohut tfis tfis nurila ky prhdcbtihl. Qc b`l `msh scc fcrc `lhtfcr cx`kpmc cx`kpmc hg k`eila kisbficg kisbficg nurila `l HHOC. HHOC. It's lht 0?3
vcry bhkkhl th ah ncstrhyila w`mms il str`lac fhuscs fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc! Yct, nurila `l HHOC, tfcrc is ` b`rcgrcc sclsc tf`t yhu b`l act `w`y `w`y witf witf `lytfila `lytfila yhu w`lt. Khlrhc b`mms subf ocf`vihr "ocila ` Qimn Hlc". Qc wimm t`me khrc `ohut `ohut tfis m`t m`tcr. cr. Rh, tf`t's it `ohut khvila tfrhuaf w`mms.
Cxcrbisila Zsybfib Zhwcrs
@sinc grhk tfc mhbhkhtihl tribes nisbusscn `ohvc, `ohv c, pcrf`ps tfc khst `k`zila tfila yhu b`l nh nurila yhur HHOCs is usc psybfib phwcrs. @mkhst `mm tfc psybfib phwcrs ncsbriocn b`l oc pcrghrkcn cxtr`hrnil`rimy cxtr`hrnil`rimy c`simy nurila `l HHOC. @s ` k`ttcr hg g`bt, yhu wimm giln yhurscmg `uthk`tib`mmy usila psybfib phwcrs nurila yhur prhdcbtihls. Qf`t yhu w`lt th nh is _CBHALITC wfcl tfis is f`ppclila, `ln tf`t is wfy I `k philtila hut fcrc tf`t tfis wimm f`ppcl `uthk`tib`mmy nurila yhur HHOCs. Rhkc hg tfc psybfib phwcrs yhu wimm giln yhurscmg usila nurila `l HHOC `rc tfc ghmmhwila4 sccila visihls (hr usila bm`irvhy`lbc), rc`nila kilns, psybfheilcsis (khvila tfilas witf yhur kiln), `ln cvcl cxpcriclbila kckhrics hg p`st (`ln guturc) guturc) mivcs. @msh, str`lac str`lac `s tfis shulns, yhu b`l f`vc `l HHOC wfimc yhu `rc f`vila `l HHOC! ^f`t is, yhu b`l mc`vc yhur ohny wfimc yhu `rc prhdcbtila! I wimm aivc `l cx`kpmc hg tfis ocmhw. I f`n ghuln kyscmg `uthk`tib`mmy nhila shkc hg tfcsc tfilas out lht rc`mmy ulncrst`lnila ulncrst`lnila wf`t wf`t w`s f`ppclila. f`ppclila. ^fc girst ohhe I ghuln tf`t ncsbriocn tfis phssioimity w`s ` Rctf ohhe b`mmcn "Nrc`ks `ln Zrhdcbtihls hg Bhlsbihuslcss" wfcrc Rctf s`ys gm`t hut tf`t yhu b`l usc psybfib `oimitics wfimc hut-hg-ohny. @gtcr rc`nila tfis, it w`s bhkpmctcmy bmc`r th kc tf`t tfis w`s ilnccn truc `ln tf`t I f`n `uthk`tib`mmy occl nhila tfis `mm `mhla. Rilbc tf`t tikc I f`vc f`n k`ly hbb`sihls th cxpcrikclt witf tfcsc `oimitics wfimc hut-hg-ohny. @ln `msh vcry ikphrt`lt is tfc g`bt tf`t yhu usc psybfib `oimitics `mm tfc tfc tikc il yhur nrc`ks. Wcry hgtcl yhu wimm kiln-rc`n hr f`vc kckhrics hg p`st mivcs il nrc`ks, out, silbc yhu `rc lht mubin, it sccks miec lh oia nc`m nurila nurila tfc nrc`k. Ig fhwcvcr, yhu k`ec tfc `ttckpt th rckckocr yhur nrc`ks `s I prcsbriocn c`rmicr 0?7
il tfc lhtcs, yhu wimm giln yhurscmg rckckocrila hbburrclbcs hg yhu usila psybfib `oimitics nurila nurila yhur nrc`ks. I wimm `msh mist fcrc `l cx`kpmc hg kc usila psybfib `oimitics il hlc hg ky nrc`ks. Gil`mmy, I sfhumn `msh s`y tf`t, hlbc yhu st`rt `str`m prhdcbtila yhu wimm giln tf`t yhu wimm `str`m prhdcbt grhk witfil yhur nrc`ks. Yhu wimm oc il ` nrc`k, `ln il tfc nrc`k yhu wimm act tfc inc` th `str`m prhdcbt. ^fis is ` niggcrclt pfclhkcl` grhk ocbhkila mubin nurila ` nrc`k tf`t wc f`vc `mrc`ny nisbusscn. Qfcl yhu ocbhkc mubin nurila ` nrc`k, yhu wimm stimm oc il tfc s`kc nrc`k, hlmy lhw yhu wimm oc mubin. Qfcl yhu `str`m prhdcbt prhdcbt grhk ` nrc`k yhu wimm MC@WC tfc nrc`k yhu wcrc il `ln cltcr ` prhdcbtihl. Hgtcl, wfcl yhu w`ec up grhk tfc tfc prhdcbtihl yhu wimm oc o`be il tfc nrc`k tf`t yhu f`n mcgt `ln yhu wimm LH^ rc`mizc tf`t yhu `rc nrc`kila. ^fis is ` wcirn situ`tihl situ`tihl th oc oc il, out it f`s f`ppclcn th kc k`ly tikcs. ^wh hg ky cltrics ocmhw wimm immustr`tc nhila tfis. Fcrc `rc shkc cx`kpmcs grhk ky dhurl`m4 9< (Lhtc, tfis cx`kpmc `msh immustr`tcs tfc eilns hg Nclizils yhu wimm kcct il yhur prhdcbtihls. Il tfis b`sc I kcct ` t`meila rfilhbcrhs! Fcrc, I `k hlmy usila tfis cltry th immustr`tc immustr`tc tf`t tfcrc tfcrc scckcn th oc tcmcp`tfy octwccl kc `ln tfc rfilh. I wimm nisbuss kcctilas tfc Nclizils hg tfc HHOC rc`mk il tfc lcxt scbtihl.) "...Runnclmy, tfc suouros clncn `ln I w`s `t ` gicmn. ^fcrc w`s ` nirt rh`n wilnila tfrhuaf it, `ln whhns hgg nirt hgg il tfc nist`lbc. nist`l bc. w`s I m`lncn oca`l oca` l w`meila `mhla tfc p`tf. ^fcrc ` ghre`ln il tfc p`tf `fc`n hg kc, `ln st`lnila tfcrc w`s ` mittmc rfilhbcrhs. rfilhbcrhs. It w`s `ohut ghur gcct t`mm `ln w`s wc`rila ` grclbf o`rrcttc hl its fc`n. I `pprh`bfcn tfc tfc rfilh, `ln it mhhecn `t kc `ln s`in "Nh yhu lccn ` rinc8" I w`s surpriscn tf`t it t`mecn out w`s pmc`scn witf its bhlacli`mity. I s`in, "surc." Rh I bmikocn hl its o`be `ln wc trhttcn hgg ilth tfc whhns. I oca`l th sila `ln tfc rfilh s`la witf kc. I w`s silaila ` Mcn Tcppcmil shla ("Yhu lccn bhhmil', o`oy I'k lht ghhmila...), `ln tfc rfilh w`s silaila `mhla witf kc. It w`s iltcrcstila, `s ig tfc rfilh bhumn rc`n ky tfhuafts, 0?1
`ln pibe tfc whrns `ln kcmhny hut hg ky kiln th sila `mhla..."
0:< (^fis is `l cx`kpmc hg kc usila tcmcp`tfy il ` nrc`k) "^fis cxpcriclbc w`s ` nrc`k. nrc`k. I'k ilbmunila ilbmunila it fcrc ocb`usc, il tfis nrc`k, I ulqucstihl`omy utimizcn tcmcp`tfy. ^cmcp`tfy is tfc nircbt rc`nila hg `lhtfcr pcrshl's kiln. Rctf s`ys il fis ohhes (tfhsc ohhes prhnubcn oy D`lc _hocrts `ln _hocrt Outts) tf`t wc `mm vcry l`tur`mmy usc psybfib `oimitics il hur nrc`ks, `oimitics tf`t wc nh lht lhrk`mmy usc il hur w`eila migc. Fc s`ys tf`t wc usu`mmy `rcl't `w`rc tf`t wc `rc usila tfcsc psybfib `oimitics ocb`usc wc k`ec lh rc`shl`omc `ttckpts th rckckocr hur nrc`k migc, mct `mhlc p`y `ttcltihl wcmm clhuaf wfcl wc `rc `btu`mmy nrc`kila th rcbhalizc tf`t wc `rc nhila shkctfila tf`t whumn scck vcry `olhrk`m ig wc wcrc th oc nhila it wfimc wc wcrc `w`ec fcrc il tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. ^fis nrc`k is ` pcrgcbt immustr`tihl hg hg tfc utimiz`tihl hg psybfib psybfib `oimitics il ` nrc`k, `ln, `ln subf, it is `msh whlncrgum bhlgirk`tihl hg Rctf's inc`s. I f`n occl `t ` piblib. I w`mecn ilth tfc fhusc wfcrc tfc piblib w`s `t, `ln uphl cltcrila tfc nhhr I w`s lhw il tfc m`ohr`thry.
(`l cx`kpmc hg omippila!). Om`ilc (wfh is ky ohss) w`s `seila kc ig I f`n bhkpmctcn tfc tfc cxpcrikclt yct. I thmn fik I f`n dust sct it up. Lhw, grhk ky st`lnphilt `s ` bfckist, tfc "rc`btihl" I w`s rullila il tfc nrc`k w`s cxtrckcmy iltcrcstila. Qf`t I w`s nhila il tfc nrc`k ilvhmvcn t`eila ` s`kpmc hg or`il NL@ (grhk ` nha tf`t f`n occl aivcl ` fc`rt `tt`be) `ln pm`bila tfis NL@ hl ` mittmc k`bfilc. ^fis k`bfilc f`n hl it ` sbrccl tf`t k`aligicn k`aligicn tfc bfckib`m rc`btihls t`eila pm`bc `ln `mmhwcn us th nircbtmy vicw wf`t tfc khmcbumcs wcrc nhila.
0?6
^fcrc is lh subf k`bfilc fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. I hgtcl sit fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc `ln whlncr fhw th k`ec subf ` k`bf k`bfilc. ilc. ^fc hlc wfh nhcs wimm lht lht hlmy ocbhkc vcry g`khus, out vcry ribf `s wcmm. @t `ly r`tc, Om`ilc w`s st`lnila hl tfc htfcr htfcr sinc hg tfc m`o oclbf grhk kc w`tbfila `s I w`s vicwila tfc sbrccl. Mhheila `t tfc sbrccl I oca`l th rc`mizc wf`t w`s ahila hl il tfc rc`btihl. rc`btihl. Qf`t I s`w w`s tf`t tfc NL@ w`s n`k`acn `ln tf`t it mhhecn miec gisf NL@, lht nha NL@. ^fis I w`s tfileila th kyscmg, kyscmg, out Om`ilc Om`ilc mitcr`mmy `ln nircbtmy nircbtmy rc`n tfis hut hut hg ky kiln. ^fcl I gcmt fik tfile, "It's lht tfc o`sc p`irs, it's tfc strubturc hg tfc cltirc bfrhkhshkc." bfrhkhshkc." I fc`rn fik tfile tfis `s `s ig it w`s il ky fc`n. ^fcl I st`rtcn tfileila, "^f`t's riaft! It's tfc bfrhkhshkcs, `ln tfc khmcbumcs `rc struaamila th rc`ssckomc tfckscmvcs. ^fc n`k`ac f`s b`uscn tfc bfrhkhshkcs th ncaclcr`tc ilth tf`t hg ` gisf. Out tfcsc `rc nha bfrhkhshkcs, `ln tfcy `rc struaamila miec fcmm il tfcrc th rcbhlstrubt tfckscmvcs ilth nha bfrhkhshkcs." ^fcl I gcmt ` nccp `ln vcry silbcrc sykp`tfy bhkc hvcr kc ghr tfcsc phhr khmcbumcs tf`t wcrc il tfcrc struaamila th put tfckscmvcs o`be thactfcr `a`il, out sikpmy bhumnl't. bhumnl't. It w`s ` vcry strhla ckhtihl tf`t I gcmt. Om`ilc ninl't s`y s`y `lytfila, out it w`s hovihus tf`t fc `a`il gcmt nircbtmy wf`t I w`s gccmila `ln tfileila. ^fcl I gcmt fis tfhuafts. Fc w`s rc`mizila tf`t I w`s riaft `ln tfcl fc, wfh is ` nhbthr `ln sccs k`ly suggcrila fc`rt `tt`be vibtiks, rc`mizcn, hr pcrf`ps `btu`mmy gcmt ghr ` scbhln, cx`btmy tfc truc suggcrila hg pchpmc wfh f`vc f`n fc`rt `tt`bes. @ln I vcry bmc`rmy gcmt il ky kiln `ln ckhtihls wf`t Om`ilc w`s gccmila `ln tfileila `ln `l hvcrwfcmkila pity `ln shrrhw b`kc hvcr kc `s I rc`n Om`ilc's sclsc hg tfc prhghuln tr`acny suggcrcn oy fis fc`rt `tt`be p`ticlts. It w`s witf tfis gccmila tf`t I whec up."
0?9
00< (Fcrc w`s ` sfhrt, out wf`t I bhlsincr th oc `l cxtr`hrnil`ry prhdcbtihl. prhdcbtihl. Fcrc I tricn `l cxpcrikclt cxpcrikclt o`scn hl wf`t I f`n rc`n il tfc Rctf ohhes. Lhtc `msh tf`t immustr`tcn immustr`tcn fcrc `rc k`ly htfcr inc`s wc f`vc nisbusscn. @msh lhtc tf`t tfis is `l cx`kpmc hg `str`m prhdcbtila wfimc il ` nrc`k, cxbcpt fcrc, `gtcr tfc prhdcbtihl, I `btu`mmy whec up fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc `ln nin lht rcturl th th ky nrc`k. @msh, I usc usc tcmceilcsis il il tfis prhdcbtihl th hpcl ` wilnhw.) "Rctf's inc`s auincn ky tfhuafts il tfis hlc. M`in nhwl th l`p `t 1 ZK, tricn th mc`vc. Gcmm `smccp `ln nrc`kcn I w`s w`s pm`yila kusib. kusib. Il tfc nrc`k nrc`k I ncbincn th ah th ocn `ln try th prhdcbt. prhdcbt. I f`n tf`t "fc`nrusf" gccmila. gccmila. ^fcl I tfhuaft th kyscmg, "k`yoc "k`yoc I'k `mrc`ny fcrc." I hpclcn hpclcn ky ky cycs `ln w`s w`s myila hl ` bhubf il `l ulg`kimi`r mivila rhhk. rhhk. It scckcn ky mittmc orhtfcr Dik w`s smccpila il ` bf`ir. I sthhn up mhheila `rhuln. I rc`mizcn, "I `k fcrc!" I ocb`kc `w`rc `ln bhlbcrlcn `ohut ky st`oimity. Qclt `ln mhhecn hut hut tfc wilnhw, bhlsincrila bhlsincrila gmyila gmyila hutsinc th cxpmhrc. Hutsinc it w`s ` wilny `ln bfimmy ar`y n`y. I pummcn pummcn o`be o`be tfc wilnhw witf ky kiln `ln bmikocn hut hl tfc hutcr mcnac. I oca`l rcb`mmila shkc stugg I f`n rc`n il ` Rctf ohhe. Fc s`in wc mivc niggcrclt niggcrclt mivcs hvcr fcrc, `ln tf`t hur nrc`k kiln f`s kckhrics hg its hwl, nistilbt grhk tfc kckhrics ocmhlaila th hur hur pfysib`m pfysib`m pcrshl`mity. I lhtibcn tf`t I ninl't scck th f`vc ` ohny. I gmcw grhk tfc wilnhw, out tfcl s`w ` rcgmcbtihl hg ky ohny il tfc wilnhw. I m`lncn il tfc grhlt grhlt y`rn out ky mhbekhmn w`s w`s w`vcrila. I struaamcn struaamcn th fhmn it. Hutsinc rckilncn kc hg ky orhtfcr's fhusc oy tfc m`ec. Qfcl I gcmt suggibicltmy suggibicltmy st`omc st`omc I sthhn tfcrc tfcrc il tfc grhlt y`rn sc`rbfila ky kckhry ghr kckhrics grhk ky nrc`k kiln. I fc`rn ` airm s`y shkctfila. ^fcl ky visihl oca`l th g`nc `ln il tfc n`relcss ocghrc ky cycs I tfhuaft I s`w hutcr sp`bc. sp`bc. I w`s giaftila th th eccp eccp ky mhbekhmn, `ln I w`s stimm sc`rbfila ghr nrc`k kckhrics. 02:
I w`s tfileila th kyscmg, "I w`lt th iltcar`tc ky w`eila `ln nrc`k kilns." I wclt th ah th fitbf fiec `mhla tfc rh`n out g`ncn hut. Gcmt kyscmg cltcrila ilth ky ohny. Gcmt ky `w`rclcss hg tfc pfysib`m pm`lc t`ec hvcr, hvcrwfcmkila ky prhdcbtihl kckhrics. I ghuaft th rcb`mm tfis cxpcriclbc. A`tfcrcn up tfc kckhrics tfcl m`in il ocn rcgmcbtila hl Rctf's inc`s. Fis is ` vcry phwcrgum `pprh`bf th ulncrst`lnila. ulncrst`lnila. I whlncr ig tfc rc`shl I'k I'k "stupincr" hvcr tfcrc f`s th nh witf ` omurrila hg w`eila `ln nrc`k nrc`k kilns. Aht hut hg ocn, wclt `ln `tc, tfcl rcbhrncn tfis."
0?< (Fcrc is `l cx`kpmc hg kc usila bm`irvhy`lbc nurila `l HHOC) "@t shkc philt I sthppcn wf`tcvcr I f`n occl nhila `ln tricn th kcnit`tc witf tfc iltclt th scc ky bf`er`s. I s`t s`t nhwl nhwl (witf (witf ky cycs hpcl, mhheila `t kyscmg) `ln oca`l bhlbcltr`tila hl tryila th scc tfc spcbtruk hg ky bf`er`s. Iliti`mmy, lhtfila f`ppclcn. Out `gtcr ` gcw khkclts, vcry g`ilt bhmhrs `ppc`rcn `t tfc v`rihus bcltcrs. ^fcl I sfut ky cycs, `ln ky siaft bmibecn il witf ky cycs cycs bmhscn. I w`s wc`rila wf`t I tfhuaft w`s ` omuc ahwl witf ahmncl gmhwcrs ctbfcn ilth it, hr f`laila f`laila grhk it. ^fcrc wcrc vcry bhkpmcx ctbfilas tfrhuafhut tfc wfhmc wfhlhtibc`omc, mc rhoc. rhoc. ^fcrc w`sbhkila hlc oia tf`t w`s nistilbtmy tfc stck hutgmhwcr grhk ky w`ist (wfibf I f`n hriail`mmy tfhuaft w`s ` ocmt) `ln myila hl tfc gmhhr octwccl ky mcas. Qfcl I s`w `mm tfis I tfhuaft, "Qf`t's "Qf`t's tfis rhoc8 rhoc8 I w`ltcn th scc ky bf`er`s!" bf`er`s!" ^fcl it n`wlcn hl kc tf`t tfcsc wcrc ky bf`er`s. ^fcl I mhst bhlsbihuslcss bhlsbihuslcss `ln wclt h hgg gg ilth htfcr `nvclturcs. `nvclturcs. @s I sit fcrc `ln writc, I whlncr ig tf`t rhoc w`s shkc typc hg rcprcsclt`tihl hg ky Ctfcrib ohny, nispm`yila tfc khrc `btivc bf`er`s `s gmhwcrs, `ln tfc bhkpmcx ctbfilas ocila tfc l`nis. surc."
Fhwcvcr, I'k lht 020
02< (Fcrc is `lhtfcr cx`kpmc hg kc `str`m prhdcbtila grhk ` nrc`k. Qf`t is `msh iltcrcstila fcrc w`s tf`t nurila tfis prhdcbtihl I f`n `l `k`zila bm`irvhy`lt visihl. @gtcr tfc prhdcbtihl, I ilnccn "whec-up" o`be il ky nrc`k, ul`w`rc tf`t I w`s nrc`kila!) "...Ky nrc`k ilvhmvcn kc, DB `ln ` oulbf hg htfcr pchpmc. Qc wcrc `mm rhhkk`tcs il ` oia fhusc. I w`s ul`w`rc ul`w`rc tf`t tf`t I w`s nrc`kila. nrc`kila. ^fcrc w`s ` p`rty ahila hl hr shkctfila. Qc wcrc nhwl il tfc o`sckclt f`laila hut. Fhwcvcr, `t shkc philt il tfc tfc nrc`k nrc`k I mhhecn `t DB `ln thmn fik I'n oc o`be il ` mittmc oit ocb`usc I w`s ahila th ah up th ky rhhk `ln try th prhdcbt! I wclt up th ky ocnrhhk il tfis nrc`k fhusc. @a`il, `t tfis philt I tfhuaft cvcrytfila w`s lhrk`m `ln f`n lh inc` inc` I w`s nrc`kila. I m`y nhwl nhwl hl ky ocn `ln st`rtcn bhlbcltr`tila th mc`vc dust cx`btmy miec I `mw`ys nh hl tfc pfysib`m pfysib`m pm`lc. pm`lc. Fhwcvcr, wfcl I m`in nhwl, nhwl, sfut ky cycs `ln oca`l bhlbcltr`tila, tfc cggcbt w`s iltclscmy khrc nr`k`tib tf`l it is hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. I aht rcsumts `mkhst `s shhl `s I sfut ky cycs (bhkp`rcn th tfc 03 th 2: kilutcs it usu`mmy sccks th t`ec hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc). Rtimm I w`s ul`w`rc tf`t I w`s prhdcbtila hut hg ` nrc`k. Ilstc`n hg sccila tfc "st`rs" (clthpib miaft) gimmila tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn cycs, tfc cggcbt w`s khrc miec wfcl I'k il tfc vhin nurila ` prhdcbtihl. Out, `a`il, `t tfc tikc I ninl't rcbhalizc tfis, I hlmy rckckocr rckckocr it lhw `s I writc tfis cltry. ^fcl, pr`btib`mmy ikkcni`tcmy, ik`acry oca`l th ghrk. Qf`t I s`w mhhecn miec ` fhmc ghrkila il tfc gha. Qf`t I tfhuaft `t tfc khkclt w`s tf`t ` a`tcw`y th tfc `str`m pm`lc w`s ghrkila ghrkila.. I m`in tfcrc tryila tryila th tr`lsgcr ky bhlsbihuslcss grhk ky ohny ilth tfis a`tc. ^fc "a`tc" ik`acry itscmg w`s vivin `ln wcmm ghbuscn, eiln hg ` omuc swirmila kist witf st`rs (mittmc pilphilts hg miaft) omileila hl `ln hgg il it. @gtcr ` gcw khkclts hg bhlbcltr`tihl, I w`s st`lnila `t tfc a`tc.
02?
I w`s gmh`tila hgg tfc arhuln arhuln il wf`t scckcn th th oc ` kist gimmcn gimmcn b`vc. ^fcrc w`s mhts mhts hg miaft th scc oy, `ln I w`s ncgilitcmy lht il tfc vhin. vhin. I w`s st`lnila `t tfc o`be w`mm hg tfis b`vc g`bila tfc cltr`lbc tf`t w`s `ohut 3: gcct `fc`n hg kc. Ocyhln tfc cltr`lbc `mm I bhumn scc w`s kist. Slncr kc th ky riaft, w`s ` t`omc witf mittmc hodcbts milcn up hl it. @msh th ky riaft riaft wcrc hodcbts n`lamila grhk strilas. Ocfiln kc wcrc sfcmvcs witf hodcbts hl tfck. tfck. Ky girst girst ikprcssihl ikprcssihl hg tfcsc tfilas tfilas is tf`t tfcy rckilncn rckilncn kc hg ` shuvcli shuvclirr st`ln. I whlncrcn ig ig I w`s il shkc typc hg sthrc. I m`lncn hl tfc b`vc gmhhr, wfibf w`s `msh bhvcrcn il kist. I w`s mhheila mhheila `ohut tfc tfc b`vc, out out I aht tfc gccmila hg shkc ilvisiomc prcsclbc. prcsclbc. It n`wlcn hl ky th try shkctfila lcw. I tfhuaft th kyscmg, "^ry th visu`mmy ghbus il tfc w`y yhu nh wfcl yhu `rc f`mmubil`tila hl `bin" (tfis typc hg ghbusila ilvhmvcs ` rcm`x`tihl hg hlcs visihl, `l iltcltihl`m omurrila hg tfc lhrk`m visu`m gicmn `ln ` ghbusila hl tfc cltirc visu`m gicmn `s hpphscn th sikpmy mhheila `t ilnivinu`m philts witfil tfis gicmn). I nin tfis `ln ikkcni`tcmy aht nr`k`tib cggcbts. Qf`t I s`w w`s ilbrcniomc. @s tfc ik`ac hg tfc b`vc omurrcn, I oca`l th pcrbcivc ik`acs ocfiln, hr witfil tfc b`vc. ^fc ik`ac hlmy m`stcn ghr ` spmit scbhln ghr it w`s niggibumt th k`ilt`il, `ln whrsc, wf`t I s`w st`rtmcn kc sh kubf tf`t, il sfccr surprisc, I "nrhppcn" ky ghbus (dust miec fhw shkchlc b`l nrhp wf`t tfcy `rc fhmnila il tfcir f`lns wfcl tfcy act suggibicltmy st`rtmcn). st`rtmcn). Qf`t I s`w w`s tf`t lhw I w`s st`lnila `ln mhheila hut hvcr ` v`st pm`tc`u tf`t scckcn th strctbf th ilgility il il `mm nircbtihls. @ln hl tfis pm`tc`u tfcrc w`s tfc khst ilhrnil`tc `khult hg `btivity `ln khtihl tf`t I f`n cvcr sccl. sccl. Qf`t I s`w wcrc brc`turcs `ln brhwns hg ocilas il `mm nircbtihls. @ln cvcrytfila f`n tf`t cmcbtrib, cmcbtrib, lchl scmg-amhwila scmg-amhwila qu`mity `ohut it. ^filas tf`t I nin lh lhtt elhw fhw th bhlbcptu`mizc wcrc khvila `ohut il cvcry nircbtihl, cvcl cvcl p`ssila tfrhuaf kc! ^fcrc wcrc fcrns hg tfilas I bhumn lht rcbhalizc, `ln tfilas tf`t mhhecn miec 022
sw`rks gmyila `ohut. ^fcrc w`s `l ilncsbrio`omc n`lbc hg bhmhrs o`tfila tfc sey. Rhkctfila `s `s oia `s `s ` fhrsc fhrsc scckcn th p`ss p`ss riaft tfrhuaf kc! It scckcn tf`t fuac ocilas wcrc o`ttmila il grhlt hg kc. Cvcl th tfis n`y I f`vc lcvcr sccl `lytfila sh sh ilbrcniomc `ln `ln spcbt`bum`r. spcbt`bum`r. @mm I bhumn bhumn tfile tfc khkclt I f`n shkc g`ilt amikkcr hg wf`t I w`s sccila w`s "Hf ky Ahn! ^fis is tfc @str`m Zm`lc!" Out miec I s`in, tfc sbclc w`s sh hvcrwfcmkila tf`t I mhst it `mkhst tfc ilst`lt I f`n shkc sk`mm sclsc hg wf`t I w`s sccila. I w`s st`lnila o`be il tfc kist gimmcn b`vc whlncrila wf`t I f`n dust sccl.... (I tfcl wclt kct ` khlstcr il tfc b`vc, wfibf mulacn `t kc `ln b`uscn kc th mhsc ky mhbekhmn...) ^fc sfhbe hg its ikp`bt w`s clhuaf th b`usc ky mhbekhmn th orc`e. I w`s o`be hl ky ocn. Out I w`sl't hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. I `whec o`be hl ky ocn il tfc nrc`k grhk wfibf I f`n st`rtcn. I stimm w`sl't w`sl't il tfc mc`st mc`st oit `w`rc tf`t I w`s il ` nrc`k. nrc`k. @t tfc khkclt, khkclt, I w`s myila tfcrc pisscn `t kyscmg ghr mcttila tf`t khlstcr sb`rc kc hut hg subf ` nr`k`tib cpishnc. cpishnc. I ncbincn I w`s ahila th try th mc`vc `a`il. I rcm`xcn `ln oca`l th bhlbcltr`tc. @a`il, ` kisty fhmc orhec tfrhuaf tfc n`relcss ocfiln ky bmhscn bmhscn cycs. ^fis tikc tfc a`tc w`s hg `l `khrpfhus sf`pc, `ohut 3 gcct il il grhlt hg hg kc. It mhhecn niggcrclt tf`l tfc girst hlc, `ln w`s bhmhrcn niggcrcltmy thh. It w`s om`beisf hr`lac witf st`rs il it - miec I w`s w`s mhheila ilth hutcr sp`bc (it mhhecn, `s ` k`ttcr hg g`bt, miec tfc bhvcr th B`rm R`a`l's R`a`l's ohhe Bhskhs). I tricn th tr`lsgcr ky bhlsbihuslcss ilth it miec I f`n nhlc ocghrc, out it ninl't whre. whre. @gtcr tryila tryila ghr ` gcw khkclts, tfc a`tc g`ncn `ln I tfhuaft th kyscmg, "Ahnn`kl tf`t khlstcr aht kc thh whrecn up!" I ncbincn I w`s nhlc ghr tfc tikc ocila, sh I aht up hut hg ocn. ocn. I w`s stimm il tfc nrc`k fhusc `ln `ln stimm ul`w`rc tf`t I w`s nrc`kila. nrc`kila. I wclt mhheila ghr shkc p`pcr th rcbhrn ky cxpcriclbc. I clncn up ahila o`be ilth tfc o`sckclt wfcrc cvcryhlc 02>
w`s stimm f`laila hut. hut. DB w`s ttfcrc fcrc `ln tfc htfcrs `ln I thmn tfck `mm `ohut tfc prhdcbtihl I f`n dust f`n. Kc`lwfimc, I w`s acttila vcry bhlbcrlcn tf`t I bhumnl't giln `ly p`pcr. ^fcl I whec up ghr rc`m, fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Ghr ` khkclt I w`s tht`mmy nishricltcn (ninl't elhw wfcrc I w`s `t hr wf`t w`s ahila hl), `ln tfcl I rc`mizcn wf`t wf`t f`n dust f`ppclcn. @ln sh, `s is ky whlt, I rcbhrncn it fcrc."
Rh, tfcrc yhu f`vc it5 usila psybfib phwcrs nurila `str`m prhdcbtihls. ^fis is `l cxtrckcmy nr`k`tib tfila tfila th `ttckpt wfimc wfimc yhu `rc prhdcbtila `ln I clbhur`ac cvcryohny th try `ln rckckocr tf`t yhu B@L nh tfcsc eilns eilns hg tfilas wfimc wfimc hut-hg-ohny. hut-hg-ohny. @ln nhl't ghract, w`tbf ghr yhurscmg usila psybfib phwcrs il yhur nrc`ks thh!
Zm`bcs yhu b`l ah4 Riafts `ln vist`s
Qc `rc lhw ahila th act ilth tfc "tr`vcm orhbfurc" p`rt hg tfis prcsclt`tihl. Qf`t I wimm nisbuss nisbuss `rc tfc pm`bcs tf`t yhu b`l visit il tfc HHOC rc`mk. @s w`s st`tcn c`rmicr, tfc khst uscgum aclcr`miz`tihl `ohut tfc rcaihls hg tfc HHOC st`tc is tfc inc` tf`t tfcsc rcaihls `rc nivincn ilth "rilas" (`s Khlrhc b`mms tfck) hr "suopm`lcs (`s hbbumtists b`mm tfck). ^h rcpc`t, tfcsc suopm`lcs ghrk ` spcbtruk tf`t mhhscmy bhrrcsphlns th tfc spcbtruk hg fuk`l ckhtihls `ln st`tcs hg kiln. @s fuk`l fuk`l tfhuaft `ln gccmila b`l r`lac grhk tfc khst mhwmy `ln nco`scn th tfc khst lhomc `ln ilspir`tihl`m, ilspir`tihl`m, sh thh is it witf tfc suopm`lcs. ^fus, I wimm orc`e ky ncsbriptihl hg tfc HHOC rc`mk nhwl rhuafmy `mhla subf milcs. I wimm orc`e tfc rcaihls hg tfc suopm`lcs nhwl ilth tfrcc orh`n b`tcahrics4 tfc mhwcst, tfc kinnmc `ln tfc fiafcst, `ln nisbus c`bf hg tfcsc il turl. I wimm `msh nisbuss twh htfcr `spcbts hg tfc HHOC rc`mk, `ln tfcsc `rc 0. tfc vhin `ln ?. wf`t I wimm b`mm, ghr m`be hg ` octtcr tcrk, tfc tfc "surrc`m" rcaihls. ^fc surrc`m surrc`m rcaihls rcaihls `rc tfhsc pm`bcs tf`t yhu k`y giln yhurscmg tf`t o`rcmy git tfc ncsbriptihl hg ocila b`mmcn ` "pm`bc". ^fcsc surrc`m rcaihls `rc hgtcl vcry `ostr`bt `ln 023
tcln th oc sp`bcs hg bhmhr, shuln `ln gccmila, tfhuaf tfcrc `rc htfcrs I wimm ncsbrioc. Aclcr`mmy spc`eila, wf`t I `k `ohut th ncsbrioc `rc inc`s tf`t `rc vcry bhkkhl bhkkhl il tfc `str`m pm`lc mitcr`turc. Qf`t is `k`zila th kc is tf`t ky hwl cxpcriclbcs il tfc HHOC st`tc supphrt quitc strhlamy tfc bhkkhl rcphrts hg tfc `str`m pm`lc (i.c. scc Ghx, Khlrhc, Mc`noc`tcr). ^fis bhumn oc t`ecl il twh w`ys. Yhu bhumn s`y I w`s fiafmy ilgmuclbcn oy htfcr pchpmc's rcphrts hg tfc l`turc hg tfc `str`m pm`lc, `ln tfus s`w wf`t tfcy ncsbriocn o`scn hl suobhlsbihus suobhlsbihus cxpcbt`tihl. Hr wc bhumn t`ec tfc g`bt g`bt tf`t kubf hg ky HHOC cxpcriclbc is miec wf`t htfcrs rcphrt th ilnib`tc tf`t tfc `str`m whrmn is `l (il shkc sclsc) "hodcbtivc" whrmn bhkpmctc witf its hwl siafts, shulns `ln ilf`oit`lts. ^frhuafhut tfcsc lhtcs I tcln th ah witf tfc m`ttcr iltcrprct`tihl, out tf`t nhcs lht prcbmunc tfc ghrkcr inc` grhk f`vila shkc ncarcc hg trutf `msh. Aclcr`mmy, il ky ky cxpmhr`tihls hg hg tfc HHOC rc`mk I f`vc tricn th st`y `s g`r `w`y grhk oi`sila ky iltcrprct`tihls hg ky cxpcriclbcs `s I bhumn. I f`vc ghuln htfcr htfcr pchpmc's inc`s inc`s `s u uscgum scgum auincs `ln f`vc lcvcr `bbcptcn htfcr pchpmc's rcphrts witfhut shkc ncarcc hg secptibisk. secptibisk. @ln, `s `s wc sf`mm scc ocmhw, I ocmicvc I f`vc hoscrvcn ` lukocr hg "rc`mks" il tfc HHOC st`tc tf`t `rc lht bhkkhlmy clbhultcrcn, hr f`vc iltcrprctcn ky cxpcriclbcs niggcrcltmy tf`l fhw htfcrs htfcrs f`vc. ^fis is p`rtibum`rmy p`rtibum`rmy truc witf witf rca`rn th tfc l`turc hg tfc "surrc`m" rcaihls tf`t I wimm ncsbrioc ocmhw. Rh, tfc o`sib inc` fcrc is tf`t tfc `str`m pm`lc nhcs, th ` m`rac cxtclt, `ppc`r th oc ` bhkkhl rc`mity tf`t wc b`l `mm visit. Ruodcbtivc g`bthrs ncgilitcmy nh cltcr ilth hur hoscrv`tihls il tfc lhlpfysib`m rc`mks. Ky aclcr`m `nvibc `nvibc is th th `mw`ys oc secptib`m hg wf`t yhu rc`n `ln nh lht omilnmy `bbcpt wf`t htfcrs s`y. ^fis `nvibc fhmns cvcl ghr wf`t I f`vc writtcl writtcl il tfcsc lhtcs. Htfcr pchpmc's hoscrv`tihls `rc uscgum auincs ghr ghr yhur hwl `btivity, out, `s I eccp strcssila, tfc ohtthk milc is yhur hwl pcrshl`m cxpcriclbc. Ig ` tfila whres ghr yhu tfcl tfcl tf`t is wf`t is ikphrt`lt. Ig yhu nisbhvcr tf`t htfcr pchpmc f`vc cxpcriclbcn wf`t yhu f`vc, tfcl tf`t is gilc. Fhwcvcr, nh lht k`ec tfc kist`ec hg tryila th khmn yhur cxpcriclbcs th tfc rcphrts hg htfcrs. Rh, tfis `mm s`in, mct us ocail hur ncsbriptihl hg tfc HHOC rcaihls oy girst bhlsincrila tfc vhin. 027
Migc il tfc vhin
Ig yhu wimm rcb`mm, tfc vhin is ` arc`t n`re sp`bc tf`t I hgtcl giln kyscmg il. _cb`mm tf`t, wfcl wc usc usc tfc "r`nih "r`nih st`tihl" tfchry hg bhlsbihuslcss I prcscltcn c`rmicr, tfc vhin is miec tfc ckpty sp`bc octwccl r`nih st`tihls hl tfc tfc r`nih ni`m. Lhw, it whumn scck miec tfcrc isl't rc`mmy thh kubf yhu b`l s`y `ohut ` arc`t oia sp`bc hg uttcr lhtfilalcss. lhtfilalcss. Il `btu`mity tfhuaf, tfhuaf, ocila il tfc vhin t`ecs up ` arc`t nc`m hg ky tikc nurila `str`m prhdcbtihls - shkctikcs kubf khrc tf`l I'n miec! miec! I wimm lht nwcmm `t thh arc`t mclatf hl wf`t it's miec il tfc vhin, out I nh w`lt th ncsbrioc it clhuaf sh tf`t ig yhu cln up tfcrc yhu wimm elhw wf`t th nh. Rtr`lacmy clhuaf, tfc vhin is lht sikpmy ` fhkhaclchus n`re lhtfilalcss. ^fcrc is `btu`mmy ` suotmc typc hg v`ricty th tfc niggcrclt tikcs I f`vc occl il tfc vhin. Rhkctikcs it is sikpmy ` n`re ckpty ckpty sp`bc. Htfcr tikcs tfhuaf tfcrc is ` f`zy hr skhey qu`mity th it. Rtimm htfcr tikcs I scck th scc f`zy afhst ik`acs hg tfilas. Il tfis m`ttcr b`sc, I suspcbt tf`t I `k vcry bmhsc th ` suopm`lc `ln `k sccila afhst ik`acs hg tf`t suopm`lc. suopm`lc. Hlbc I cvcl kct ` ocila il tfc vhin! It w`s tfc hlmy tikc I cvcr s`w `ly eiln hg brc`turc il tfc vhin. I wimm prcsclt tfis cpishnc ocmhw ocb`usc, `t tfc vcry mc`st, it is gully. ^fc aclcr`m birbukst`lbcs il wfibf I giln kyscmg il tfc vhin `rc `s ghmmhws. I shkctikcs `ppc`r il tfc vhin `s shhl `s I mc`vc ky ohny. I f`vc prcscltcn cx`kpmcs hg tfis `mrc`ny. I wimm `msh `ppc`r il tfc vhin ig I mhsc ky mhbekhmn hl ` suopm`lc (yhu wimm rcb`mm tf`t tfc mhbekhmn is fhw wcmm yhu `rc tulcn il hl ` suopm`lc). Ig I mhsc ky mhbekhmn, I usu`mmy nh lht w`ec up, out ilstc`n `ppc`r il tfc vhin. @a`il, I `k prcscltila tfcsc cxpcriclbcs fcrc il b`sc yhu giln yhurscmg il tfc vhin. 0< (Rccila afhst ik`acs il tfc vhin.) "(F`n mhst ky mhbekhmn `ln)...^fcl I w`s gmyila tfrhuaf tfc vhin. ^fis tikc, tfhuaf I w`s il tfc n`relcss hg tfc vhin, I bhumn pcrbcivc g`ilt, out nistilbt simfhucttc ik`acs `rhuln kc, `ln it scckcn tf`t I w`s gmyila tfrhuaf tfck. I tfhuaft th kyscmg tf`t I kust oc riaft riaft hl 021
tfc ohrncr hg shkc ncgilitc grcquclby hr pm`lc, lht mhbecn wcmm clhuaf th `btu`mmy oc tfcrc, out riaft lcxt nhhr th it sh th spc`e. I ecpt ecpt gmyila hl, `ln tfc simfhucttcs wcrc vcry rckilisbclt hg ouimnilas, b`rs `ln bity hodcbts. @s I gmcw gmcw hl, `t hlc hlc philt philt I aht tfc ikprcssihl tf`t I f`n cltcrcn tfc w`tcr `ln w`s ulncr tfc w`tcr, tfhuaf I w`s stimm il tfc vhin. ^fc simfhucttcs rckilncn kc kc hg gisfcs gisfcs swikkila `rhuln. ^fcy wcrc lht st`tib ik`acs, tfcy wcrc khvila thh. Cvcl tfhuaf it scckcn miec I w`s ulncr w`tcr, ky khvckclt khvckclt tfrhuaf tfc vhin w`s lh niggcrclt, out I w`s `gr`in th k`tcri`mizc kyscmg ghr gc`r gc`r hg ocila ulncr w`tcr. ^fc simfhucttcs simfhucttcs wcrc iltcrcstila iltcrcstila tfhuaf. Rhkc wcrc hg vcry m`rac gisf, `t mc`st 0: gcct gcct mhla. mhla. Hlc mhhecn miec ` sf`re `ln I p`sscn p`sscn bmhsc oy it. @lhtfcr hlc w`s ` rhuln squ`t sf`pc `ohut givc gcct il ni`kctcr. @ sbfhhm hg swikkila brc`turcs p`sscn kc oy. I rckckocr thh tf`t wfcl I whumn mhhe upw`rns tf`t I aht tfc s`kc cggcbt tf`t hlc hoscrvcs swikkila ulncr w`tcr `ln mhheila up `t tfc surg`bc. Out I ecpt gmyila ghrw`rn `ln shhl it scckcn miec I f`n p`sscn hut hg tfc w`tcr b`usc lhw tfc simfhucttcs I w`s p`ssila tfrhuaf mhhecn kubf niggcrclt, mcss hra`lib, miec vcrtib`m strips. Rh lhw I tricn th k`tcri`mizc kyscmg. ^h k`tcri`mizc I sthppcn ky ghrw`rn khtihl `ln sikpmy oca`l th spil rhuln `ln rhuln. @msh I oca`l th bhlbcltr`tc hl ky f`lns, tryila th migt tfck up `ln mhhe `t tfck. ^fcl I oca`l th scc tfc lc`tcst tfila. @s ky f`lns oca`l th ghrk `ln I bhumn st`rt th scc tfck, tfc simfhucttcs `rhuln kc oca`l th t`ec hl bhmhr `ln ghrk. It w`s smhw `t girst sh I bhlbcltr`tcn f`rncr, `ln I w`tbfcn `l clvirhlkclt ghrk `rhuln kc. I w`s l lhw hw hut hg tfc vhin `ln shkcwfcrc. I w`s st`lnila il il ` ghrcst, surrhulncn oy `mm eilns hg pm`lts...."
?< (@ sfhrt ncsbriptihl hg tfc vhin.) "Nrc`k-`whec m`yila il ky hmn ocnrhhk `t K`'s fhusc. I "gmhppcn" hut hg ky ohny. Gmcw nhwlst`irs. Gmcw th grhlt nhhr, tricn th p`ss tfrhuaf out wclt ilth 026
vhin. Rt`ycn il vhin ghr shkc tikc whlncrila wf`t wf`t it is. ^fcrc wcrc lh rcbhaliz`omc simfhucttcs, out tfcrc wcrc nistilbt qu`mitics hr gccmilas. @t girst tfc n`relcss w`s vcry "cmcbtrib." Cvcltu`mmy tfc vhin scckcn miec ` fc`vy gha. I aht tfc inc` th try th mhhe `t ky f`lns. Q`tbfcn ky ohny `ln ` rcn timc gmhhr k`tcri`mizc `rhuln kc `s tfc ghaailcss hg tfc vhin g`ncn `w`y. I w`s il `l ckpty rhhk witf ` rcn timc gmhhr, it scckcn miec ` sk`mm aykl`siuk hr shkctfila...." shkctfila... ."
2< (Fcrc is wfcl I kct ` str`lac brc`turc il tfc vhin.) "...I w`s il tfc vhin. Q`s gmh`tila mistmcssmy, cldhyila tfcl pc`bc `ln quict, giaurila hut wf`t I w`s ahila th nh lcxt. I mhhecn hgg il tfc n`relcss ocghrc kc `ln w`s `oshmutcmy `k`zcn `t wf`t I s`w, ghr bhkila thw`rns kc g`r hgg il tfc nist`lbc w`s ` brc`turc hg shkc eiln! I w`s tht`mmy tht`mmy st`rtmcn. st`rtmcn. I f`n lcvcr sccl sccl `lhtfcr `lhtfcr ocila il tfc vhin ocghrc! I smhwmy st`rtcn th gmy thw`rns tfc brc`turc, burihusmy stunyila it, `s it khvcn thw`rns kc. @t girst, `mm `mm I bhumn scc w`s tf`t it w`s shkc typc hg fuk`lhin, out `s I aht bmhscr th it I bhumn k`ec hut khrc nct`im. It f`n ` fuk`l ohny, out its g`bc rcsckomcn tf`t hg ` whmg. It f`n ` f`iry f`iry g`bc, mhla mhla slhut, `ln n`re cycs. It w`s wc`rila `l hutgit tf`t rckilncn kc hg tfc Arccl Ahomil grhk tfc Rpincrk`l bhkib ohhes. @s it aht bmh bmhscr scr I bhumn fc`r it kukomila th itscmg. I w`s `ohut 0: gcct il grhlt hg it, out it `btcn `s ig I w`s lht tfcrc `ln sikpmy ecpt kukomila kukomila th itscmg `ln ecpt khvila thw`rns k kc. c. I `secn it wf`t it w`s nhila `ln, `mm hg ` sunncl it w`s hl thp hg kc! ^fc tfila ar`oocn kc `ln st`rtcn th b`rry kc hgg! I bhumnl't ocmicvc it! I w`s lht sb`rcn `t `mm, out surpriscn. I st`rtcn th struaamc `ln w`s tcmmila it th mct kc ah. I s`in "yhu b`l't nh `lytfila `lytfila th kc, I'k `str`m prhdcbtila!". prhdcbtila!". It bhltilucn bhltilucn th ialhrc kc `ln sikpmy ecpt tfrhuaf tfc vhin. It kukomcn kukomc n shkctfila shkctfil a thb`rryila itscmg `ohut `ohkc ut "` spcbikcl 029
ghr tfc oihmcuk". I fc`rn tfis `ln rc`mizcn tf`t tfis tfila iltclncn th k`ec kc ` spcbikcl il shkc eiln hg kuscuk! I bhumnl't ocmicvc tfis w`s f`ppclila th kc. I ecpt ycmmila `t it tcmmila it I w`s `str`m prhdcbtila `ln I bhumn w`ec w`ec up `t `ly khkclt. It ialhrcn kc `ln ecpt b`rryila kc ghrw`rn. Il tfc cxbitckclt cxbitckclt hg ky struaamila, struaamila, I mhst ky mhbekhmn mhbekhmn `ln whec up il ky pfysib`m pfysib`m ohny. Sphl w`eila, I gcmt stupin ghr `btila tfc w`y I nin. I sfhumn f`vc mct it b`rry kc th wfcrcvcr it w`s ahila sh I bhumn f`vc mc`rlcn wfcrc tfis brc`turc b`kc grhk. Rtimm, tfis w`s tfc girst tikc I cvcr cvcr s`w ` brc`turc hg `ly eiln il tfc vhin!"
Migc hl tfc pm`lcs
Mct's lhw ah hlth tfc sbclib cmckclts hg tfc HHOC rc`mk. @a`il, I wimm nivinc tfcsc up ilth ghur k`dhr rc`mks4 tfc mhwcr, tfc kinnmc (hr "lhrk`m"), "lhrk`m"), tfc fiafcr `ln tfc surrc`m rc`mks. @ln `a`il, c`bf hg tfcsc orh`n rc`mks bhrrcsphlns th st`tcs. ^fc Mhwcr _c`mks _c`mks
^fc mhwcr rc`mks hg tfc suopm`lcs `rc c`simy incltigicn. ^fcy `rc hgtcl n`re `s ig it is liafttikc hutsinc. ^fcrc is `msh `l ccric gccm th tfc tfc mhwcr suopm`lcs. ^fcy dust gccm brccpy. Hgtcl, it is f`rn th khvc hl tfc mhwcr suopm`lcs, sikim`r th ocila hl tfc Ctfcrib pm`lc, @ln wfcrc khvckclt th oc rct`rncn `lnrcs il smhw khtihl. hg yhur bhursc, yhu wimm sccks clbhultcr afhumisf brc`turcs brc`tu hl tfcsc suopm`lcs. Yhu nhl't lccn th gc`r `lytfila yhu clbhultcr hl tfcsc suopm`lcs. Girst, it is ulmiecmy yhu wimm spcln `ly `khult hg tikc hl tfcsc suopm`lcs. I `mw`ys f`vc ` o`n mhbekhmn hl tfcsc pm`lcs, `ln tfus, hgtcl "g`nc-hut" hg tfcsc mhwcr suopm`lcs witfil kilutcs. Rilbc tfcy nh bhrrcsphln th tfc whrst hg fuk`l cxistclbc, yhu'n f`vc th oc prctty cvim yhurscmg th oc il tulc witf tfcsc suopm`lcs. Rcbhln, it's `btu`mmy eiln hg tfcr`pcutib `ln cyc hpclila th scc tfcsc tfcscuppm`lcs. Z`rt hg tfc rcvc`mcn ah`m hg oy hvcrbhkila kc`ls hpclila th tfc `spcbts hg migc tfcsc mhwcrgc`r suopm`lcs. 0>:
Oy ulncrst`lnila tfcsc eilns hg clcraics yhu tr`lsghrk tfck ilth shkctfila octtcr. Ig yhu rcprcss tfcsc clcraics, tfcy hlmy bhltiluc th gcrkclt ilth shkctfila cvcl whrsc. Rh, ky `nvibc is, ig yhu giln yhurscmg hl tfc mhwcr suopm`lcs, nhl't oc `gr`in hg wf`t yhu clbhultcr tfcrc. ^`ec it `s ` mc`rlila cxpcriclbc. Lhw, ig yhu `rc hl ` mhwcr suopm`lc, fhw th yhu act hut hg it8 Hlc tribe I mc`rlcn is tfc ghmmhwila4 gmy tfrhuaf tfc bcimila hg wfcrcvcr yhu `rc `t. Qfcl yhu nh tfis, yhu wimm ah tfrhuaf tfc bcimila `ln bhkc up tfrhuaf tfc gmhhr hg tfc s`kc rhhk yhu dust mcgt! Out `btu`mmy, it wimm lht oc tfc cx`bt s`kc rhhk5 it wimm oc tfc rhhk out hl ` fiafcr suopm`lc. Nh tfis ` gcw tikcs ultim yhu scc miaft hutsinc `ln nh lht gccm tfc fc`vy, ccric gccmila `lykhrc. Yhu wimm tfcl oc hl ` fiafcr suopm`lc. ^fis nhcs lht `mw`ys whre, out it nhcs whre shkctikcs, sh it's whrtf aivila it ` try. Yhur htfcr `mtcrl`tivc is th dust w`it it hut. @s I s`in, it is ulmiecmy, ig yhu `rc `l `vcr`ac, lhrk`m pcrshl, tf`t yhu wimm oc `omc th eccp yhur mhbekhmn st`omc hl tfcsc suopm`lcs ghr `ly cxtclncn pcrihn hg tikc. Ig yhu dust dust w`it it hut, yhu wimm wimm prho`omy nis`ppc`r nis`ppc`r grhk tf`t tf`t suopm`lc suopm`lc witfil ` bhupmc hg kilutcs kilutcs `lyw`y. `lyw`y. Ig yhu bfhhsc tfis hptihl, dust cxpmhrc yhur clvirhlkclt. Miec I s`in, `ln yhu f`vc th `mw`ys eccp tfis il kiln wfcl yhu prhdcbt, lhtfila b`l furt yhu wfcl yhu `rc hut hg ohny. Yhu `rc mitcr`mmy mitcr`mmy ilncstrubtiomc. YHS `rc tfc hlmy tfila tf`t b`l furt yhu, `ln tfc hlmy w`y tfis b`l f`ppcl is oy mcttila mcttila yhur hwl gc`rs t`ec yhu hvcr. Ig yhu mc`rl th bhltrhm yhur gc`r, yhu wimm @MQ@YR oc s`gc hut hg ohny. ^fis s`in, mct kc aivc ` bhupmc hg cx`kpmcs hg wf`t tfc mhwcr suopm`lcs `rc miec. 0< (@ typib`m mhwcr suopm`lc cxpcriclbc.) "Gcmt kyscmg kyscmg w`ec w`ec up up hl tfc pfysib`m. pfysib`m. ^ricn th rckckocr ky ky nrc`k out it g`ncn g`ncn quibemy. ^f`t k`nc kc k`n. Zmus I f`nl't prhdcbtcn prhdcbtcn ghr scvcr`m n`ys, n`ys, `ln tf`t subecn thh. I tfhuaft "ah ghr it" `ln prctclncn I w`s dukpila hut hg hg ky ohny - `ln `ln I nin! Rurpriscn, I gmh`tcn il ky rhhk ghr ` oricg ilst`lt `ln tfcl g`ncn. @t girst I tfhuaft I w`s il tfc vhin, out tfcl I s`w `mm eilns hg fuk`lhin simfhucttcs `rhuln kc. 0>0
^fcrc wcrc `mm eilns hg tfck k`rbfila miec smccp w`mecrs. It w`s ` n`re n`re `ln ccric clvirhlkclt. I bhumnl't gmy wcmm `ln I gcmt miec I w`s zippila `mhla miec ` o`mmhhl. I sfht p`st ` simfhucttc `ln it oclt hut hg ky w`y il ` nisthrtcn `ln ull`tur`m k`llcr-miec it oclt sincw`ys hr shkctfila. I tricn th mhhe `t ky f`lns, out it w`s vcry niggibumt. Qhec up. ^fis w`s ` vcry sfhrt prhdcbtihl - mcss tf`l ` kilutc. I oct I w`s hl tfc mhwcst `str`m pm`lc. I tfile I s`w ` oulbf hg "mhst shums". It w`s vcry kubf miec Mc`noc`tcr ncsbriocn it - n`re, fc`vy, f`rn th bhltrhm hlc's khvckclts. khvckclts. ^fc simfhucttcs simfhucttcs wcrc miec miec zhkoics5 zhkoics5 lh scmg-bhlsbihuslcss, scmg-bhlsbihuslcs s, tfcy dust k`rbfcn k`rbfcn miec ` fcrn."
?< (@lhtfcr typib`m mhwcr suopm`lc cxpcriclbc.) "...Nrigtcn hgg th smccp `a`il, ik`ailila I w`s il tfc mivila mivila rhhk nhwlst`irs. Il tfc lcxt ilst`lt, ilst`lt, I w`s nhwlst`irs! I w`s gmh`tila oy tfc bcimila il tfc mivila rhhk. It w`s n`re, miec liafttikc. ^fis tikc I bhumn khvc, out it w`s vcry vcry niggibumt. niggibumt. I pummcn kyscmg th tfc gmhhr. I mhhecn `t tfc grhlt nhhr. ^fc nikclsihls hg tfc rhhk wcrc wcrc nisthrtcn `ln clm`racn. clm`racn. ^fc nhhr nhhr mhhecn g`r `w`y, miec il ` tcmcsbhpc. tcmcsbhpc. I w`mecn thw`rn tfc nhhr nhhr witf arc`t niggibumty. I gcmt ` sk`mm sclsc hg triukpf wfcl I gil`mmy rc`bfcn tfc nhhr. I hpclcn tfc nhhr `ln w`mecn hut hlth tfc phrbf. Ky khvckclt khvckclt ocb`kc ` mittmc c`sicr. I mhhecn hutsinc th tfc strcct. It scckcn th oc dust ocghrc n`wl. Il tfc strcct, I s`w twh giaurcs rullila b`rryila b`rryila shkctfila mhheila miec s`bes hvcr tfcir sfhumncrs. ^fcy scckcn th oc wc`rila wf`t mhhecn miec mhla ulncrwc`r. ^fcy wcrc fulbfcn hvcr hvcr `s tfcy r`l. I nhl't elhw wf`t tfcy wcrc, tfhuaf tfcy wcrc fuk`lhin. Ky girst ikprcssihl is tf`t tfcy wcrc tficvcs rullila grhk tfc sbclc hg tfc brikc. brikc.
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Out tfc w`y tfcy khvcn, `mm fulbfcn `ln nisthrtcn k`nc kc tfile tf`t tfcy kiaft oc nckhls hr shkc mhwmy `str`m brc`turcs. @t `ly r`tc, tfcy nis`ppc`rcn `brhss tfc tfc strcct. ^fcy ninl't ninl't lhtibc kc `t `mm. I w`ltcn th ghmmhw tfck out I elcw I bhumnl't khvc `s g`st `s tfcy wcrc. ^fcl I gmcw hut tfrhuaf tfc phrbf wilnhw `rhuln th tfc sinc hg tfc fhusc. Hlbc hutsinc, hutsinc, cvcrytfila scckcn rc`mmy n`re `ln kurey, `ln nisthrtcn. I rc`mizcn I w`s hl tfc mhwcst `str`m pm`lc `ln aht sb`rcn. I w`ltcn th mc`vc `ln gcmt kyscmg o`be il ky ohny..."
2< (^fis cltry immustr`tcs shkc hg tfc nclizcls hg tfc mhwcr suopm`lcs, ` thpib th wfibf wc wimm wimm rcturl). Q`s il hlc hg tfhsc tfhsc sb`ry orhwl fc`vy rcaihls. ^fhuaft I f`n whec up. Q`s myi myila la il ocn `ln I fc`rn shgt out out tfrc`tclila tfrc`tclila fissila vhibcs. It k`nc k`nc kc sb`rcn. F`n ky o`be th tfc vhibcs out it shulncn miec tfcy wcrc acttila bmhscr. _c`mizcn I w`s w`s il tfc l`sty l`sty Ctfcrib mcvcms `ln tricn th w`ec kyscmg up. It o`begircn `ln I wclt ilth ` fiafcr nrc`k mcvcm ghr ` khkclt out mhst mubinity mubinity `ln f`n ` g`msc `w`eclila. `w`eclila. ^fhuaft I f`n whec hlth tfc pfysib`m out `btu`mmy w`s il shkc nrc`k g`bsikimc hg ky rhhk `t N`n's. R`w ` bmc`r omuc sey tfrhuaf br`be il tfc burt`ils `ln it k`nc kc gccm arc`t5 bhumnl't ocmicvc I mct tfhsc stupin Ctfcrib afhums act th kc. Qclt o`be o`be th smccp ul`gr`in. ul`gr`in. Lcxt I elcw I w`s il tfc Ctfcrib `a`il `ln fc`rn tfc vhibcs. ^fis tikc I w`s irecn `ln nctcrkilcn th bhlgrhlt tfck. I aht up, witf niggibumty niggibumty `ln s`in, s`in, `msh `msh witf kubf niggibumty, "Qfhcvcr yhu `rc, bhkc hut `ln g`bc kc, I nck`ln it!" Mhheila ghrw`rn witf it stimm `ppc`rila tf`t I w`s il ky N`ns (`btu`mmy it ninl't gccm miec N`ns il tfc cpishnc, khrc miec ky hwl pm`bc out vcry bhkghrt`omc), ky orhwl burt`ils scckcn th k`rsfk`mmhw hut `ln it scckcn tfis p`be hg str`lac fuk`lhin brc`turcs stcppcn tfrhuaf. Ky visihl w`s 0>2
vcry o`n `ln I w`s f`vila ` niggibumt mhbekhmn out I tfhuaft I s`w `ohut ghur hg ck. ck. ^fcy f`n hl mhla nilay nilay rhocs `ln f`n str`lac nisthrtcn gc`turcs. gc`turcs. It scckcn miec tfcy wcrc wcrc ycmmila `t kc hr shkctfila. shkctfila. I m`sfcn hut `t tfck `ln stcppcn ilth tfck ocst I bhumn. ^fcy scckcn th nis`ppc`r ilth tfc htfcr w`mm. Gcmm o`be `smccp khrc f`ppy tf`l ocghrc. Khmn w`s tcrriomc tfc wfhmc tikc, cvcrytfila f`n ` orhwl b`st th it. I bhumn bhumn o`rcmy o`rcmy khvc khvc hr spc`e. @s I w`s g`mmila g`mmila hgg th smccp, ecpt tfileila `ohut fhw Mc`noc`tcr s`ys tf`t tfc iliti`tc f`s ` f`rn tikc khvila hl tfc mhwcr pm`lcs. Ohy fc w`s riaft." riaft."
>< (^fis is `l cx`kpmc hg usila tfc "gmyila tfrhuaf tfc bcimila tribe th act hut hg ` mhwcr suopm`lc.) " I struaamcn struaamcn th act act hut. I gmhppcn hut hg ky ky ohny `ln rhmmcn hlth tfc gmhhr. Ky visihl w`s omileila omileila out I quibemy rc`mizcn wfcrc I w`s `t `ln tfhuaft, "Rfit! I ahtt` act hutt` fcrc!" I s`w I w`s hl tfc mhwcst `str`m pm`lc. I gcmt tf`t n`re, fc`vy ulbhkghrt`omc gccmila. Cvcrytfila w`s il ar`ys `ln orhwls. @ln whrst hg `mm, tfcrc wcrc afhumics `mm hvcr hvcr ky ocnrhhk! ^fcy wcrc orhecl `ln twistcn ohnics, khvila `ohut il tfcir mctf`raib g`sfihl. @t mc`st I ninl't act griaftclcn tfis tikc. I st`ycn mcvcm fc`ncn. Ky girst tfhuaft w`s th w`ec up, Rh out Itfcl tfhuaft, "lh, I'mm dust th ` fiafcrkyscmg pm`lc." gmcwI upw`rns tfrhuaf tfc ah bcimila, bcimila, p`sscn tfrhuaf tfc bcimila `ln b`kc up tfrhuaf ky gmhhr. I nin tfis ` scbhln tikc. Lhw tfcrc w`s sul sfillila tfrhuaf ky wilnhw `ln tfc afhumics wcrc ahlc, `ln cvcrytfila w`s il lhrk`m bhmhrs. I w`s quitc pmc`scn witf kyscmg. kyscmg. I gmcw tfrhuaf tfc bcimila, tfis tikc ahila hutsinc tfc fhusc. It w`s sully sully `ln oc`utigum hutsinc..." hutsinc..."
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^fc Kinnmc _c`mks
^fc kinnmc pm`lcs `rc vcry kubf miec hur pfysib`m whrmn. whrmn. Fcrc yhu wimm giln fhuscs, sbfhhms, bitics `ln ouimnilas, ghrcsts `ln rivcrs `ln prctty kubf `mm tfc tfilas yhu giln hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. _ckckocr ttfhuaf, fhuaf, wc wc `rc LH^ hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. ^fcsc kinnmc kinnmc rcaihls rcaihls f`vc ` vcry ctfcrc`m gccm th ttfck fck bhkp`rcn th tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Hlc pm`bc yhu wimm hgtcl ah il tfcsc kinnmc suopm`lcs is tfc rhhk yhu `rc `rc il wfcl yhu prhdcbt. Il ky b`sc, tfis is `mw`ys ky ocnrhhk. ^f`t g`bt tf`t yhu wimm prhdcbt ilth yhur ocnrhhk wimm `gghrn yhu k`ly hpphrtulitics th bhkp`rc wf`t yhur ocnrhhk is miec il yhur prhdcbtihl th wf`t it is miec hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Qfcl yhu stuny tfcsc niggcrclbcs, yhu wimm quibemy rc`mizc tf`t, wfcl yhu prhdcbt, yhu `rc LH^ il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Rh, ig yhu nh giln yhurscmg prhdcbtila ilth tfc rhhk tf`t yhu `rc il, I fiafmy clbhur`ac yhu th stuny tfc nct`ims hg yhur `str`m ocnrhhk `ln, `s shhl `s yhu w`ec up, p`y bmhsc `ttcltihl th fhw wf`t yhu s`w il yhur prhdcbtihl w`s sikim`r th hr niggcrclt grhk fhw yhur rhhk is hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. I wimm aivc `l cx`kpmc hg tfis ocmhw. Hlc hg tfc khst iltcrcstila `spcbts hg tfc kinnmc suopm`lcs is tf`t k`ly `utfhrs bm`ik tf`t il tfis rcaihl yhu wimm giln nisb`rl`tc pchpmc. Il htfcr whrns, tfcsc kinnmc rcaihls `rc wfcrc sh-b`mmcn "nc`n" pchpmc nwcmm, `t mc`st ghr ` bcrt`il `khult hg tikc `gtcr tfcir p`ssila `w`y. ^fus, wf wf`t `t yhu b`l giln hl tfcsc rcaihls `rc pm`bcs spcbigib`mmy ncsialcn ghr tfc rcbcltmy nc`n. Rubf pm`bcs t`ec tfc ghrk hg fhspit`ms hr nhrkithrics. nhrkithrics. _hocrt Khlrhc Khlrhc bmc`rmy ncsbriocs subf subf pm`bcs. Khlrhc b`mms b`mms tfcsc "_cf`o Bcltcrs", `ln I f`vc visitcn tfck (hr f`ppclcn `brhss tfck `s tfc b`sc k`y oc) hl k`ly hbb`sihls. "_cf`o Bcltcrs" cxists il tfc `str`m whrmn supphscnmy th prhvinc ` s`gc `ln bhkghrt`omc clvirhlkclt ghr tfc rcbcltmy ncbc`scn, th `mmhw tfck th act uscn th tfcir lcw surrhulnilas `ln lcw bhlnitihl. @s ` k`ttcr hg g`bt, cltry lukocr 7, il gimc 6, wfcrc I ncsbrioc ocila nr`aacn oy tfc wiln ghrbc, is ` ncsbriptihl hg hlc hg tfcsc "_cf`o Bcltcrs". Il tfis b`sc it w`s ghr ghr yhulacr pchpmc5 hmncr tccl`acrs `ln pchpmc il tfcir c`rmy `ln kin twcltics. I wimm put `lhtfcr subf ncsbriptihl ocmhw. @ln, ig I w`s cvcr secptib`m hg tfc inc` hg tfcsc "_cf`o Bcltcrs", tfis secptibisk w`s m`in th rcst wfcl I `btu`mmy KC^ ` ncbc`scn gricln hg kilc il 0>3
hlc hg ky prhdcbtihls. I wimm ncsbrioc tfis clbhultcr m`tcr wfcl I nisbuss iltcr`btila witf tfc pchpmc yhu kcct il yhur prhdcbtihls. Il aclcr`m, yhu wimm giln tf`t tfc k`dhrity hg yhur HHOCs hbbur il tfc kinnmc kinnmc rcaihls hg tfc suopm`lcs. I rcbhkkcln tf`t yhu cxpmhrc cxpmhrc tfcsc rcaihls b`rcgummy. Hoscrvc tfc tfc bhlstrubtihl bhlstrubtihl hg tfc ouimnilas `ln fhuscs. Gccm grcc th ah ilth ilth str`lac fhuscs `ln dust mhhe `rhuln. Yhu wimm `btu`mmy hoscrvc k`ly iltcrcstila tfilas tf`t `rc kubf niggcrclt grhk tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Ghr cx`kpmc, I w`s hlbc il ` sfhppila k`mm il hlc hg ky prhdcbtihls, `ln it scckcn th ah hl `ln hl ghrcvcr. ^fcrc w`s w`s lh cxit tf`t tf`t I bhumn giln. giln. I f`n ` sikim`r cxpcriclbc il ` sbfhhm hlbc. @msh, yhu wimm giln k`ly pchpmc fcrc th t`me th `ln bhkkulib`tc witf. witf. Il ` m`tcr scbtihl I wimm aivc suaacstihls ghr iltcr`btila witf tfc pchpmc yhu kcct il yhur prhdcbtihls. Fcrc wc `rc k`ilmy iltcrcstcn il bhlvcyila shkc inc` hg wf`t tfc kinnmc rcaihls hg tfc tfc suopm`lcs `rc `rc miec. Mct kc lhw prcsclt ` gcw hg ky ky dhurl`m cltrics hg prhdcbtihls hbburrila hl tfcsc kinnmc suopm`lcs wfibf immustr`tc wf`t is nisbusscn nisbusscn `ohvc. 0< (Fcrc is `l cx`kpmc hg kc prhdcbtila ilth ky o`bey`rn `ln tfcl w`eila up ikkcni`tcmy `ln bhkp`rila ky `str`m o`bey`rn th ky pfysib`m o`bey`rn.) "...I bhumn gccm kyscmg m`yila hl ky ocn il ky pfysib`m ohny. Q`ltcn th mc`vc `a`il. Oca`l th rcm`x `ln bhlbcltr`tcn hl st`yila nrc`k-`w`ec. Gcmt kyscmg g`mm o`be`ln ilth mhhecn it. I dukpcn `ln w`s Iil tricn ky ocnrhhk. ^urlcn `t kyhut burt`ils. th p`ss tfrhuaf tfck out bhumnl't. Rh I gmcw hut ky wilnhw wilnhw tfrhuaf tfc sbrccl. sbrccl. I lhtibcn lhtibcn tf`t I w`s l`ecn sh I tfhuaft kyscmg ilth shkc shkc sfhrts. I gmcw gmcw hut hut ilth ilth tfc tfc o`bey`rn, m`lncn m`lncn `ln s`t hl tfc ar`ss. ar`ss. I w`ltcn th gmy hgg `ln cxpmhrc out I tfhuaft tf`t I sfhumn dust sit tfcrc `ln hoscrvc nct`ims. nct`ims. I s`t tfcrc `ln mhhecn `rhuln `rhuln tryila th giaurc hut fhw tfis clvirhlkclt w`s niggcrclt grhk tfc hlc hl tfc pfysib`m. ^filas mhhecn lhrk`m. It mhhecn miec ky ky o`bey`rn. o`bey`rn. ^fc fhusc fhusc lcxt lcxt nhhr mhhecn miec ky
0>7
lciafohr's fhusc. I cvcl s`w shkc shkc hg ky lciafohrs lciafohrs il tfcir y`rn nhwl tfc strcct. U _iaft lhw I'k `w`ec hl tfc pfysib`m `ln I dust wclt hutsinc `ln s`t il tfc s`kc spht I nin il ky prhdcbtihl th bhkp`rc tfc twh sbclcs, `ln tfcrc wcrc k`ly lhtibc`omc niggcrclbcs. Girst, wfcrc I s`w ky lciafohrs, tfcrc w`s lh hlc tfcrc. I bhumn lht cvcl scc tfc fhusc grhk wfcrc I w`s sittila il tfc o`bey`rn hl tfc pfysib`m, tfc pcrspcbtivc w`s ` mht orh`ncr il tfc prhdcbtihl. Rcbhln, il tfc prhdcbtihl, hur o`bey`rn `ppc`rcn kubf oiaacr `ln khrc hpcl tf`l it rc`mmy is. ^filas scckcn th oc mhb`tcn il tfc s`kc rcm`tivc phsitihls tfhuaf. ^firn, tfc wfhmc o`be y`rn w`s lc`tcr hr tinicr il tfc prhdcbtihl, `ln `msh "miaftcr". Dust lhw wfcl I w`s hutsinc il tfc pfysib`m, tfc o`bey`rn f`n ` "fc`vy", musf gccmila tf`t w`sl't prcsclt il tfc prhdcbtihl. ^fc ar`ss lccns th oc but il tfc pfysib`m out w`s sfhrt `ln lc`t il tfc prhdcbtihl. [ @s I w`s sittila il ky prhdcbtihl il tfc o`bey`rn tfc khst ulusu`m tfila I lhtibcn w`s tf`t I bhumn "scc" tfc `ir. I'vc lcvcr sccl `lytfila miec tfis tfis hl tfc pfysib`m. pfysib`m. ^fc `ir `rhuln kc w`s khvila miec tr`lsp`rclt sfccts wr`ppila `rhuln `ln `rhuln hlc `lhtfcr. @msh, tfcsc "sfccts" wcrc k`nc hg wf`t mhhecn miec ` gilc kist hg tfis wfitc p`rtibum`tc k`ttcr tf`t scckcn th oc ar`ncn grhk fiafcr bhlbcltr`tihl bhlbcltr`tihl th mhwcr. ^fc cggcbt w`s shkctfila miec wfcl yhu scc sulmiaft sfillila tfrhuaf ` gilc kist hg w`tcr. I`gtcr hlmyI lhtibcn aht th hoscrvc tfis cggcbt ghr ghr th ` smip khkclt ocb`usc it, ky mhbekhmn st`rtcn `ln I oca`l th g`nc hut. ^fis "`ir cggcbt" w`s tfc khst sialigib`lt tfila I s`w wfcl I w`s `btu`mmy sittila tfcrc il ky prhdcbtihl. I w`s vcry g`sbil`tcn wfimc I w`s mhheila `t it. Hovihusmy, lh subf tfila cxistcn hl tfc pfysib`m..."
?< (^fis is `l cx`kpmc hg kc nisbhvcrila ` "_cf`o B Bcltcr". cltcr". Il tfis b`sc, it w`s ` pm`bc ghr tfc cmncrmy, `ln it w`s vcry kubf miec ` lursila fhkc. @msh, tfhuaf it is shkcwf`t prck`turc il tfc lhtcs, lhtcs, il tfc ghmmhwila cltry I kct wf`t scckcn th kc nurila tfc 0>1
prhdcbtihl th oc ` ncbc`scn pcrshl, ` yhula bfimn. I f`vc ncbincn th ilbmunc tfis fcrc ghr tfc s`ec hg eccpila tfc dhurl`m cltry ilt`bt. M`tcr I wimm nisbuss kcctila ncbc`scn pchpmc il khrc nct`im.) "M`in nhwl. Orhec bhlsbihuslcss. Q`s hut hg ky ohny il ky ocnrhhk ocnrhhk fcrc `t N`n's fhusc. Z`sscn hut ky wilnhw ilth tfc o`bey`rn out lhtfila mhhecn g`kimi`r. Qclt `rhuln th tfc grhlt `ln stimm ninl't rcbhalizc `lytfila. I b`l't rcb`mm `ly hg tfc nct`ims. I w`ltcn th gmy `w`y `ln cxpmh cxpmhrc rc sh I sfht sfht upw`rns. I w`s `gr`in I'n om`behut. I rckckocr rckckocr sccila suouro `ln bity strccts sprc`n hut ocmhw kc. ^fc sbclc ocmhw kc mhhecn miec ` omuisf-arccl kibrhbfip. ^fcl I om`becn hut. I w`s il tfc tfc vhin `ln I tricn miec miec fcmm th gmy nhwlw`rns. I k`l`acn th ah nhwlw`rns shkcwf`t `ln ky visihl g`ncn o`be il `ln I s`w tfc kibrhbfip mhheila bity ocmhw kc. ^fcrc w`s ` ghrbc tuaaila kc o`be upw`rn, out I rcsistcn, orhec it, `ln fhvcrcn o`be nhwlw`rns. I w`tbfcn tfc kibrhbfip sbclc o`be ilth bity strccts `s I mhwcrcn kyscmg. Out lhwturl I w`s shkcwfcrc tht`mmy niggcrclt tf`l wfcrc I st`rtcn `ln I stimm ninl't rcbhalizc `lytfila. I w`s st`lnila st`lnila il grhlt grhlt hg ` ouimnila tf`t f`n `l hggibi`m mhheila `ppc`r`lbc. I wclt ilsinc. ^fcrc w`s ` arhup hg hmncr whkcl ilsinc ilsinc tfc nhhrw`y. I tricn th spc`e witf tfc hlc wfh mhhecn tfc yhulacst (sfc mhhecn th oc k`yoc k`yoc 3:). I aht fcr fcr l`kc, out sfc w`s w`s o`sib`mmy ialhrila kc `s ig I w`s w`s ` ohtfcr th fcr. Rfc w`s wc`rila wc`rila ` lursc hutgit. I lhtibcn tf`t tfcrc wcrc hlmy hmn pchpmc `rhuln. I bhltilucn tryila th t`me th tfis lursc. I thmn fcr tf`t I f`n ` pfysib`m ohny `t fhkc, `ln tf`t I w`s prhdcbtila `ln I w`ltcn th elhw ig sfc w`s `w`rc hg tfc g`bt tf`t sfc w`s lht il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Yct sfc bhltilucn th ialhrc kc `s sfc w`s thh ousy witf tfc hmncr ghmes. Qfcl I w w`s `s t`meila th fcr, `t shkc shkc philt ` mittmc omhln ohy witf am`sscs, eiln hg lcrny mhheila, k`yoc 0: 0: yc`rs hmn, `ppc`rcn. `ppc`rcn. Fc w`s f`laila `rhuln `rhuln kc out I ialhrcn fik b`usc I w`s tryila th t`me th E`tc hr E`tfcrilc (tfc lursc). @gtcr tfc lursc mcgt pusfila shkchlc il ` wfccm bf`ir, I w`mecn ilth wf`t `ppc`rcn th oc ` ^W rhhk. ^fcrc w`s ` ^W hl `ln ` gcw hmn kcl sittila `rhuln w`tbfila it. I s`w ` oummctil oh`rn `ln 0>6
wclt `ln tricn tricn th rc`n it. I k`l`acn th rc`n, witf arc`t niggibumty, hlc milc hg wf`t mhhecn miec ` gmycr `llhulbila ` p`rty. I tricn th rcrc`n tfc milc sh `s th kckhrizc it, out it lhw lhw rc`n shkctfila shkctfila bhkpmctcmy bhkpmctcmy niggcrclt. G`kimi`r witf tfis eiln eiln hg ` tfila, tfila, I a`vc up hl tryila th rc`n. ^fc mittmc ohy w`s w`s stimm ghmmhwila kc `rhuln. `rhuln. I ncbincn ncbincn th mc`vc. @s I w`mecn w`mecn hut, it n`wlcn hl kc tf`t tfis w`s prho`omy `l hmn ghmes fhkc ghr rcbcltmy nc`n pchpmc, miec tfc eiln tf`t _hocrt Khlrhc ncsbr ncsbriocs. iocs. Qfcl I rc`mizcn tfis, I rc`mmy w`ltcn th sbr`k. ^fc mittmc ohy ghmmhwcn kc hutsinc, tfcl fc thhe hgg rullila il grhlt hg kc `ln ilnib`tcn tf`t I sfhumn ghmmhw fik. Fc r`l `brhss tfc strcct th `l hmn `o`lnhlcn fhusc. Fc r`l `rhuln th tfc o`be `ln "stcppcn" up tfis tcl ghht stcp hlth ` pm`tghrk hg shkc eiln, tf`t mhhecn miec ` sb`gghmn. ^fc wfhmc wfimc I w`s ghmmhwila tfis ein I thmn fik th smhw nhwl hr tf`t I'n nis`ppc`r. Qfcl wc aht `rhuln o`be, it thhe kc ` oit hg trhuomc th bmiko up hlth tfc pm`tghrk tf`t fc aht hlth witf kcrcmy kcrcmy hlc stcp. Out I k`l`acn th pumm kyscmg up tfcrc. Qfcl I aht up hl tfis pm`tghrk fc thmn kc tf`t "tfis w`s tfc gullicst pm`bc witf tfc ocst thys." Fc w`s pm`yila witf ` gcw orhecl whhncl shmnicrs. I f`n tfc str`lac gccmila tf`t tfis bfimn w`s nc`n `ln w`s sikpmy rullila `rhuln ulsupcrviscn `ln ulbhltrhmmcn hl tfc `str`m `str`m pm`lc. I st`rtcn th th g`nc `ln `ln I fcmn hlth tfc bfimn th st`oimizc kyscmg. I tricn th t`me th fik. I aht w`s w`w`s s Rtcvcl w`s ^fcl grhk Immilhis. Fc tf`t s`in fis fis l`kc `nnrcss 0101`ln FiaffcFimm. fc scckcn th rc`n ky kiln, b`usc I w`s ahila th `se fik fis zip bhnc, out ocghrc I bhumn fc st`rtcn kukomila ` strila hg lukocrs. Fc ninl't scck thh iltcmmiaclt. Fc scckcn miec ` lhrk`m 0: yc`r hmn. hmn. I `secn fik ig fc elcw wfctfcr fc w`s nc`n hr ig fc w`s dust nrc`kila. Fc thmn kc fc elcw tf`t fis N`n w`s nc`n. @s it w`s tf`t ky mhbekhmn w`s ulst`omc `lyw`y, I g`ncn hut `ln `whec o`be il ky pfysib`m ohny."
0>9
2< (Fcrc is tfc cxbcrpt grhk tfc ilgilitc sfhppila k`mm I kcltihlcn `ohvc.) "...Wcry nr`k`tib `ln vcry vcry bhlsbihus. I w`s shkcwfcrc, nhl't rckckocr wfcrc, hr fhw I aht tfcrc. I elhw I ninl't miec it tfhuaf. It w`s ` oia pm`bc pm`bc ilsinc ` ouimnila, fiaf w`mms w`mms `ln ai`lt rhhks. rhhks. It scckcn miec ` ai`lt sfhppila k`mm. Lht ai`lt il tfc sclsc hg prhphrtihls, out ai`lt il tf`t it wclt hl ghrcvcr. @btu`mmy, I aht ohtf sclscs grhk tfc pm`bc. I gcmt bm`ustrhpfhoib. ^fc csb`m`thrs mhhecn khrc miec rhmmcr bh`stcr b`rs `ln I bhumnl't giaurc hut fhw tfcy wclt rhuln miec miec `l `btu`m csb`m`thr. csb`m`thr. I `secn shkchlc wfcrc wfcrc tfc cxit w`s, `ln tfcy philtcn nhwl th ` mhwcr mcvcm. I gmcw nhwl tf`t w`y. Ky pcrbcptihls wcrc str`lac, vcry > n. Lh k`ttcr fhw I khvcn, khvcn, tfc grhlt `mw`ys st`ycn il grhlt hg kc. Rhkcfhw I clncn up il ` oia rhhk. ^fcrc wcrc pchpmc il ` qucuc ghr wf`t I tfhuaft w`s ` tibect wilnhw. I tricn th p`ss tfrhuaf tfc w`mm out bhumnl't. It w`s eiln hg gully b`usc I w`s ohulbila r`pinmy `a`ilst tfc w`mm out lht ahila tfrhuaf it. Rhkchlc il tfc qucuc philtcn up `t kc s`yila shkctfila th tfc cggcbt "tfc lcrvc hg shkc shkc pchpmc". pchpmc". I tfhuaft tfhuaft th kyscmg "gube yhu". I m`lncn grustr`tcn . Rthhn tfcrc whlncrila fhw I w`s ahila th act hut hg tfis pm`bc. ^fcl ky visihl om`becn hut..."
^fis is `mm I `k ahila th s`y `ohut tfc kinnmc rcaihls hg tfc HHOC rc`mk. rc`mk. @a`il, I w`lt th strcss tf`t tfc k`dhrity hg typib`m HHOCs hbbur il tfcsc rc`mks.
03:
^fc Fiafcr _c`mks
^fcrc `rc fiafcr rc`mks il tfc `str`m pm`lc. I f`vc lht visitcn tfcsc `s kubf `s I f`vc tfc mhwcr `ln kinnmc rc`mks, wfibf, aivcl tfc psybfhmhaib`m bhrrcsphlnclbc octwccl tfc HHOC rc`mks `ln hlc's pcrshl`mity, bhumn oc bhlstrucn `s ` lht thh pmc`s`lt situ`tihl. Rtimm, ky gcw visits th tfc fiafcr fiafcr rc`mks `rc `rc bf`r`btcrizcn oy tfc ghmmhwila. ^fc fiafcr rc`mks `ppc`r kubf khrc ctfcrc`m tf`l tfc kinnmc kinnmc rc`mks. Bhmhrs `rc vcry ncmib`tc `ln "miaft" "miaft" (i.c. tfc tfc hpphsitc hg fc`vy). Bhmhrs `ln tfilas b`l `msh `ppc`r vcry kubf miec sp`remila dcwcms. Il aclcr`m, tfc fiafcr rcaihls stimm f`vc ouimnilas `ln rcbhaliz`omc m`lnsb`pcs. ^fc khst ikphrt`lt bmuc tf`t yhu `rc il ` fiafcr rcaihl is fhw it gccms . Qfcl il ` fiafcr rcaihl, cvcrytfila gccms rc`mmy, rc`mmy ahhn. It is pc`bcgum `ln s`tisgyila `ln k`ecs yhu gccm miaft, rcm`xcn `ln bhltclt. It is ky suspibihl tf`t fcrc thh, `s witf tfc kinnmc rc`mks, yhu wimm giln rcaihls wfcrc ncbc`scn pchpmc nwcmm. ^fcsc `rc miecmy tfc rcaihls pchpmc p`ss ilth `gtcr tfcy f`vc whrl hut tfcir c`rtfy ncsircs wfibf th (Khlrhc, tfc kinnmc th hbbumtists, `ln oiln htfcr tfck `utfhrs ghrrcaihls. cx`kpmc)@bbhrnila tfcsc fiafcr rcaihls `rc LH^ tfc gil`m rcstila pm`bc ghr tfc ncp`rtcn. ^fcy `rc stimm iltcrkcni`tc st`acs il tfc mhla shdhurl tf`t hbburs `gtcr tfc nc`tf hg tfc pfysib`m ohny.@lhtfcr tfila tf`t niggcrclti`tcs tfc kinnmc grhk tfc fiafcr rcaihls is shkctfila I ghraht th kcltihl il tfc nisbussihl hg tfc kinnmc kinnmc rcaihls. ^fis is tfc g`bt tf`t tf`t yhu k`y shkctikcs clbhultcr nrc`kila pchpmc il tfc kinnmc rcaihls. Fhw yhu b`l tcmm nrc`kila pchpmc grhk nc`n pchpmc wimm oc nisbusscn `fc`n. Fcrc I dust w`lt th s`y tf`t tf`t yhu r`rcmy clbhultcr nrc`kcrs il tfc fiafcr HHOC rcaihls. Mct kc lhw aivc ` bhupmc bhupmc hg dhurl`m dhurl`m cltrics tf`t I ocmicvc wcrc visits th tfc fiafcr HHOC rcaihls. 0< (Fcrc is `l cxbcrpt hg wf`t I gccm w`s ` prhdcbtihl th ` fiafcr suopm`lc. It w`s ` oc`utigum pm`bc. Lhtc thh, tfc phtclti`m rhk`lbc.) "....I g`ncn il `mhlasinc ` pile fhusc tf`t rckilncn kc hg ky hmn pm`bc hl Fhuafthl @vc. - wfibf is hlc hg tfc rc`shls I tfhuaft I w`s il Fhuafthl. Rt`lnila hl tfc m`wl I s`w ` wfitc pibect gclbc rullila up tfc w`me th tfc @brhss tfc strcct w`s m`ec `ln ocyhln tfcgrhlt m`ec nhhr. `l `k`zila fhrizhl hg sul `ln` 030
bhmhrs. Cvcrytfila scckcn th f`vc ` pileisf rcn tilt th it. ^fc bhmhrs wcrc miec shgt ncmib`tc p`stcms. @ w`rk orcczc w`s omhwila. Ky khvckclts wcrc miec smhw khtihl `s I w`mecn tfrhuaf tfc grhlt y`rn (lht tfc smhw khtihl eiln hg khvckclt tf`t k`ecs it niggibumt th khvc, out ` smhw khtihl il tfc sclsc hg ocila vcry nrc`k miec). Ky tfhuafts scckcn vcry rckhvcn grhk ky situ`tihl. ^fc wfhmc tfila scckcn th oc oc`utigummy ulrc`m (out lht bhltrivcn, miec I gccm wfcl I'k il ` tfhuaft-ghrk. ^fis gccmila w`s niggcrcl niggcrclt, t, wf`t hlc kiaft b`mm ` "sclsc hg surrc`misk"). ^fcsc gccmilas wcrc bhkphulncn oy ` nccp rc`miz`tihl hg tfc lhvcmty hg tfcsc gccmilas il tfc bhltcxt hg tfc g`bt tf`t I w`s prhdcbtila. I w`s tryila th giaurc hut wf`t wf`t th nh lcxt. lcxt. Rfhumn I gmy ilth tfc bhmhrcn sey-sb`pc8 Rfhumn I w`me `ohut `ln cxpmhrc8 I nrc`kimy wclt up `ln mc`lcn hl tfc pibect gclbc il `wc hg tfc scrclc oc`uty tf`t w`s gimmila kc `t tfc khkclt. ^fcl, grhk `brhss tfc strcct b`kc ` vcry oc`utigum omhln airm. Rfc w`s wc`rila wc`rila ` om`be smccvcmcss thp `ln ` pm`in seirt hg arccls, ycmmhws `ln rcns. Fcr oc`uty git il cxquisitcmy witf tfis pm`bc. Rfc r`l `brhss tfc strcct thw`rns tfc fhusc fhusc I w`s `t. Rfc w`mecn up tfc grhlt w`me p`st kc `pp`rcltmy `pp`rcltmy lht lhtibila kc. "Fcy, Omhlnc," I b`mmcn b`mmcn th fcr. Ky vhibc w`s nisthrtcn `ln il smhw khtihl. I w`vcn w`vcn `t fcr `ln `ln ky khtihls wcrc il smhw khtihl. Rfc turlcn `ln s`w kc. I tricn th s`y jbhkc fcrc', out tfc whrns whumnl't bhkc hut. Out sfc bhumn tcmm wf`t I w`ltcn w`ltcn ghr sfc w`mecn hvcr th kc. Sp bmhsc sfc sfc w`s cvcl cvcl khrc oc`utigum tf`l I girst tfhuaft. Rtr`iaft omhln f`ir nr`pcn hvcr fcr cmgil gc`turcs, tfil fiaf bfcce ohlcs, smclncr arccl cycs, butc upturlcn lhsc. I w`s irrcsistiomy nr`wl th fcr. Qc fuaacn. I b`rcsscn fcr fcr orc`st wfibf gcmt sh shgt `ln rc`m. Rfc rcsphlncn th kc crhtib`mmy `ln sclsuhusmy. Qc eisscn `ln I gcmt kyscmg ocail th gg`nc. `nc. I prcsscn ky cltirc ohny `a`ilst `a`ilst fcrs tryila th st`oimizc kyscmg. kyscmg. I ruoocn ky
03?
g`bc, `rks, mcas, thrsh `ln arhil `a`ilst fcrs. bmutbfila fcr I g`ncn hut..."
Rtimm
?< (Fcrc is `lhtfcr cpishnc il wfibf I ocmicvc I w`s il ` fiafcr rcaihl. ^fc pm`bc il tfc ghmmhwila cltry is vcry kubf miec ` pm`bc ncsbriocn spiritu`mists M`ln", is ` oc`utigum kc`nhwoystrcwl kc`nhw rcaihl rcaihl b`mmcn wfcrc "Rukkcr tfc ncbc`scn rcst. wfibf Lhtc tf`t tfis hbburrcn il tfc s`kc prhdcbtihl wfcrc I w`s il tfc ilgilitc k`mm.) "(`gtcr I f`n csb`pcn tfc sfhppila k`mm `ln w`s il tfc vhin ghr ` wfimc)...I k`tcri`mizcn shkcwfcrc cmsc! I w`s lhw st`lnila hutsinc, il wf`t scckcn th oc ` pmc`s`lt bhultrysinc. ^fcrc w`s ` auy `ln ` airm st`lnila lc`r kc kc mhheila `t kc. ^fcy mhhecn miec fippics fippics th kc. Ohtf wcrc wcrc wc`rila wc`rila mhhsc wfitc thps thps `ln wfitc seirts, tfcir gcct. wfcrc Rfc w`s omhln `ln butc, fcwitf f`n f`n s`ln`ms ` oc`rn.hl I `secn `sec n tfck I w`s `t. ^fcy scckcn th oc p`yila `ttcltihl th kc. I `secn tfck wf`t w`s tfis tfis pm`bc `ln wf`t wf`t tfcir l`kcs wcrc. wcrc. ^fcy ninl't ninl't rcsphln th ky qucstihls out wc nin t`me. ^fc airm s`in shkctfila th kc out I tfhuaft sfc w`s dust spc`eila lhlsclsc. Yct it ninl't scck th k`ttcr. ^fcrc w`s `l ilbrcniomc f`ppilcss tf`t gimmcn kc `ln I w`ltcn th k`ec mhvc th fcr. Rfc thhe kc oy tfc f`ln `ln I w`mecn witf tfck. I s`w whhn whhn sf`bes nhttcn `ohut `ohut `ln htfcr htfcr pchpmc `rhuln tfc sf`bes. sf`bes. ^fc `rc` scckcn th oc ` oc`utigum oc`utigum kc`nhwm`ln hg rhmmila fimms hg arccl `ln ycmmhw. I rckckocr giaftila th fhmn ky mhbe khmn, `ln tfcy scckcn th sclsc tfis `ln wc khvcn smhwmy `ln b`utihusmy. Qc clncn up hl ` fimm ulncr ` trcc. I gmcw up ilth tfc trcc, `ln tfcy gmcw witf kc, stimm fhmnila ky f`ln. Qc grhmibecn `ohut tfc trcc il tfc `ir. ^fc trcc scckcn vcry >-n, `s ig I bhumn scc k`ly pcrspcbtivcs sikumt`lchusmy, `ln tfc trcc mhhecn `s ig it w`s wciaftmcss. I rckckocr rckckocr mhheila il fcr g`bc `s sfc w`s suspclncn `ohvc kc, `ln I mhst tfc mhbe khmn. I gcmt it bhkila tfhuaf ocb`usc wc wcrc khvila r`pinmy , 032
n`lbila il tfc `ir `rhuln tfc trcc. om`belcss `a`il..."
^fcl I w`s w`s il
^fc Rurrc`m _caihls
Gil`mmy, I w`lt th cln tfis survcy hg tfc pm`bcs yhu k`y ah oy ncsbrioila wf`t I wimm b`mm tfc "surrc`m" rcaihls. @s I s`in, tfcsc `rc rc`mks hg n`lbila shulns `ln bhmhrs. ^fcy `rc lht rc`mmy "pm`bcs" il tfc sclsc wc lhrk`mmy tfile hg tfc whrn "pm`bc". I f`vc `btu`mmy occl il tfcsc surrc`m rcaihls quitc ` oit. Acttila th th tfck f`s ` mht th nh witf tfc vhin. Hgtcl, I wimm wimm oc il tfc vhin `ln it wimm tr`lsghrk ilth ` surrc`m rcaihl. Qf`t `rc tfc surrc`m rcaihls8 ^fcrc `rc ` bhupmc hg `lswcrs th tfis qucstihl `s g`r `s I b`l tcmm. Rhkc hg tfc surrc`m rcaihls `rc rcm`tcn th tfc pfysib`m pm`lc hr fhw tfc pfysib`m pm`lc `ggcbts tfc Ctfcrib pm`lc. ^f`t is, subf rcaihls f`vc shkctfila th nh witf pcrbcivila tfc pfysib`m pm`lc grhk grhk ` vicwphilt vicwphilt wc lhrk`mmy b`llht. K`ly tikcs I f`vc sccl wf`t mhhe th kc miec oihmhaib`m strubturcs il ky prhdcbtihls, `ln I whlncr ig I k`y oc `btu`mmy sccila ky or`il hr ky hwl ohny grhk hl tfc ilsinc. ^f`t is, shkctikcs it sccks miec ky pcrbcptihl "sfriles" `ln I b`l scc tfilas tf`t lhrk`mmy hlc whumn lccn ` kibrhsbhpc th scc. ^fis is hlc bm`ss hg surrc`m rcaihl. Lhw, tfc inc` hg pcrbcivila kilutc tfilas tf`t wc b`llht scc witf hur lhrk`m visihl is lht lcw. Yhais f`vc f`vc ncsbriocn tfis `oimity ghr bclturics. ^fc c`rmicst elhwl ncsbriptihl hg tfis psybfib `oimity is il Z`t`ld`mi's Yha` sutr`s, wfibf n`tcs o`be th 3:: O.B.. @t turl hg tfc bcltury @llicb`mmcn Ocs`lt `ln B.Q. Mc`noc`tcr uscn tfistfc psybfib `oimity, wfibf tfcy "k`aligyila bm`irvhy`lbc" th mitcr`mmy scc `thks `ln khmcbumcs, `ln tfcy puomisfcn tfcsc hoscrv`tihls il ` ohhe b`mmcn Hbbumt Bfckistry. Il 096:, tfis `oimity w`s nuoocn "kibrh-psi" oy Rtcpfcl Zfimmips, ` pfysibist wfh stunicn Ocs`lt `ln Mc`noc`tcr's ncsbriptihls hg `thks. ^fc Filnu l`kc ghr tfis `oimity is "`lik`" `ln `lik` is tfis l`kc I wimm usc. Qf`t I `k s`yila is tf`t yhu wimm oc `omc th usc tfis `oimity, `lik`, wfcl hut-hg-ohny. ^fis wimm wimm hbbur il twh bhltcxts. Il Il tfc girst b`sc, tfis k`y oc tfc o`sis ghr shkc hg tfc fyplhahaib ik`acs yhu scc. ^f`t is, is, nurila fyplhahai`, shkc shkc hg wf`t yhu k`y scc k`y `btu`mmy oc yhu usila `lik`, sfrileila nhwl yhur pcrbcptihl 03>
`ln `btu`mmy sccila tfc bcmmum`r `ln khmcbum`r strubturcs hg wfibf yhur ohny is bhkphscn. I wimm aivc cx`kpmcs hg tfis ocmhw. ^fc htfcr bhltcxt il wfibf yhu k`y giln yhurscmg usila tfc `lik` `oimity is tf`t yhu wimm scck th oc il ` ZM@BC tf`t is vcry "oihmhaib`m" mhheila. Il tfis b`sc yhu `rc lht kcrcmy vicwila oihmhaib`m strubturcs, out `rc `btu`mmy ilsinc hg hg tfck. Lhw, il ohtf b`scs, I nh LH^ ocmicvc yhu `rc mitcr`mmy vicwila yhur pfysib`m ohny. I gccm tf`t tfcsc pcrbcptihls cxist hl tfc Ctfcrib pm`lc. Rh wf`t yhu `rc sccila is Ctfcrib pm`lc ik`acs tf`t bhrrcsphln th oihmhaib`m strubturcs ilsinc yhur ohny. ^fis is is vcry sikim`r th wfcl yhu scc yhur ocnrhhk nurila ` prhdcbtihl5 it is lht yhur pfysib`m ocnrhhk, out it's Ctfcrib bhultcrp`rt. bhultcrp`rt. Qf`tcvcr tfc trutf ocfiln tfcsc oihmhaib`m `ppc`rila ik`acs, tfcrc is lh qucstihl tf`t yhu k`y scc tfck. ^fc scbhln typc hg surrc`m rcaihls yhu k`y visit g`mms ilth ` niggcrclt b`tcahry tf`l tfc `lik` ik`acs. ^fis scbhln b`tcahry hg surrc`m rcaihls is bmhscmy rcm`tcn th tfc vhin. Rhkctikcs yhu k`y oc il tfc vhin `lnwimm itm wimm tr`lsghrk ilth puttila ` sp`bc wf`t hg `ostr`bt bhmhrs `ln sf`pcs. Yhu wim f`vc ` f`rn tikc yhu scc il subf sp`bcs ilth whrns. ^fc sf`pcs `ln bhmhrs wimm `msh khvc `ln oc vcry nyl`kib. Qfcl yhu `rc il subf ` surrc`m sp`bc, it k`y citfcr tr`lsghrk o`be ilth tfc vhin, hr yhu k`y tr`lsghrk ilth hlc hg tfc kinnmc hr fiafcr rcaihls hg tfc `str`m pm`lc. Qf`t is ahila hl fcrc is tfc ghmmhwila. Qfcl yhu khvc grhk tfc vhin th ` suopm`lc (usila tfc f`lns tribe, ghr cx`kpmc), wf`t yhu y hu `rc nhila is pf`sila ilth tf`t suopm`lc. @a`il, usila hur "r`nih st`tihl tfchry hg bhlsbihuslcss", tfis is `l`mhahus th khvila grhk ` rcaihl hg st`tib hl tfc r`nih th tulila ilth ` r`nih st`tihl. Lhw, tulila ilth ` suopm`lc, tfhuaf it is `l`mhahus th th tulila ilth ` r`nih st`tihl hl yhur r`nih, is oy lh kc`ls tfc s`kc prhbcss. Qfcl yhu `rc tulila ilth ` suopm`lc nurila `l HHOC, it is phssiomc th Z@_^I@MMY tulc ilth ` suopm`lc `ln pcrbcivc tf`t suopm`lc grhk ` bhkpmctcmy niggcrclt `lamc hr pcrspcbtivc tf`l ig yhu f`vc bhkpmctcmy tulcn ilth tfc suopm`lc. Qfcl yhu pcrbcivc ` suopm`lc grhk subf ` p`rti`m `lamc, it mhhes ^H^@MMY NIGGC_CL^ tf`l it nhcs ig yhu tulc ilth it bhkpmctcmy. Qf`t yhu scc nurila ` p`rti`m tulila ilth ` suopm`lc is ` wcirn sp`bc hg khvila bhmhrs `ln achkctrib p`ttcrls. Il htfcr whrns, yhu `ppc`r th oc il ` surrc`m rcaihl. Lhw, tfis inc` is lht spcbum`tihl hl ky 033
p`rt. I f`vc mitcr`mmy hoscrvcn tfis th oc tfc b`sc. I wimm aivc `l cx`kpmc ocmhw sfhwila fhw tfis whres. Rh, il sukk`ry, I f`vc nisbhvcrcn twh typcs hg surrc`m rcaihls clbhultcrcn nurila HHOCs. HHOCs. ^fc girst rcsumts grhk grhk `lik` `ln tfcsc `rc pcrbcptihls hg oihmhaib`m `ln khmcbum`r sp`bcs. ^fc scbhln rcsumts grhk p`rti`mmy p`rti`mmy tulila ilth ` suopm`lc. Ohtf typcs hg surrc`m sp`bc `rc pcrbcivcn `s vcry `ostr`bt mhheila "pm`bcs" hg khvila bhmhrs `ln achkctrib ik`acs. I f`vc k`nc kilhr rcgcrclbcs th tfcsc typcs hg pcrbcptihls il shkc hg tfc cltrics I f`vc mistcn sh g`r. Il hlc I spc`e hg g`mmila tfrhuaf tfc "kckc o`btcri`" `ln tfis is ` ncsbriptihl hg usila `lik` th scc oihmhaib`m strubturcs. ^fcsc "kckc o`btcri`" `rc arccl `ln purpmc lchlisf bhmhrcn ik`acs, `ln tfcy k`y `ppc`r `s arccl tuocs witf purpmc miquin gmhwila tfrhuaf tfck (wfibf I tfile ky oc kc sccila ky omhhn gmhwila tfrhuaf ky vcils hr `rtcrics), out tfcy k`y `msh `ppc`r `s swirmila vhrtcxcs hg arccl `ln purpmc. hr `s ` w`mm hg arccl `ln purpmc p`ttcrls. I `msh f`vc f`vc rcgcrrcn th sccila tfc "arccl `ln purpmc" ik`acs nurila fyplhahai` `ln tfcsc `msh rcgcr th usila `lik`. Gil`mmy, th bmhsc I w`lt th s`y tf`t tfc twh b`tcahrics hg surrc`m sp`bc I ncsbrioc fcrc oy lh kc`ls cxf`ust tfc phssiomc b`uscs hg surrc`m surrc`m sp`bcs il tfc HHOC HHOC rc`mk. @bbhrnila th rcphrts oy hbbumtists, yhais `ln htfcr HHOC `utfhrs, tfcrc `rc k`ly typcs hg surrc`m surrc`m sp`bcs sp`bcs ilbmunila ilbmunila pm`lcs ocyhln tfc tfc `str`m. `str`m. ^fc rc`ncr rc`ncr iltcrcstcn il gurtfcr ilghrk`tihl is rcgcrrcn th tfc oiomihar`pfy. ^fis s`in, mct kc mist shkc hg ky cxpcriclbcs il surrc`m rcaihls wfimc hut-hg-ohny. 0< (C`rmicr il tfcsc lhtcs I prcscltcn `l cltry il wfibf I nisbusscn tfc `str`m ”wiln‛). I w`s ocila nr`aacn `mhla oy tfc wiln ghrbc, il GIMC 6, cltry ? ulncr tfc fc`nila "`. Khvila, Gmyila `ln tfc "Qiln". Qfimc I w`s ocila nr`aacn o`bew`rns oy tfis wiln ghrbc, I ncbincn th turl `rhuln `ln scc ig I bhumn scc wf`t w`s nr`aaila kc. Qfcl I turlcn turlcn `rhuln I s`w ` surrc`m m`lnsb`pc. ^fc ghmmhwila is tfc bhltilu`tihl hg tfc cltry grhk GIMC 6, `ln I ocmicvc tfis 037
w`s `l `lik` o`scn pcrbcptihl.)" ...Ghr ` wfimc I rcm`xcn `ln mct it nr`a kc `mhla. Rhhl tfhuaf I ocb`kc ikp`ticlt `ln w`ltcn th scc ig I bhumn turl kyscmg `rhuln `ln scc wf`t w`s nr`aaila kc. kc. I struaamcn vcry f`rn th pumm kyscmg `rhuln, `ln it gcmt miec I w`s tryila th pumm kyscmg `a`ilst furrib`lc wilns. Qfcl I f`n ky o`be th tfc nircbtihl hg tfis wiln ghrbc, I rckckocr sccila trccs p`ss kc oy `t fiaf vcmhbity. Out I k`l`acn th turl `rhuln `ln wf`t I s`w w`s ulocmicv`omc `ln uttcrmy `k`zila. I nhl't cvcl rc`mmy rc`mmy elhw elhw fhw th ncsbrioc it! Qfcl, `gtcr arc`t cgghrt, I turlcn kyscmg `rhuln, I w`s lh mhlacr sccila sccila tfc ghrcst. ghrcst. Ilstc`n I w`s mhheila hlth tfis ulocmicv`omc bhmhrcn gicmn `ln tfcrc wcrc tfrcc spfcrcs `fc`n hg kc `ln tfcy f`n shkctfila tf`t mhhecn miec outtcrgmics n`lbila il c`bf hg tfck. Out tfcy wcrc lht outtcrgmics, tfhuaf tfcy mhhecn ` mittmc miec tfck. Qf`tcvcr tfcy wcrc, tfcrc w`s hlc c`bf ilsinc hg tfc tfrcc spfcrcs `ln tfcsc "outtcrgmics" wcrc spillila `ln rht`tila witfil tfc spfcrc `ln bhlst`ltmy bf`laila bhmhr. ^fc w`y tfcy bf`lacn bhmhr w`s str`lac, it w`s `s ig bhmhrs wcrc wcmmila ilth tfck grhk shkcwfcrc I bhumn lht scc, miec ` miquin, `ln gmhwila `rhuln ilsinc hg tfcsc outtcrgmy brc`turcs. I w`s ohtf `wcn `ln bhlguscn5 bhlguscn tf`t tfc ghrcst w`s ahlc, `ln bhlguscn `t wf`t I w`s mhheila `t, `wcn ocb`usc wf`tcvcr I w`s mhheila `t w`s vcry, vcry oc`utigum. Ky girst tfhuaft "Ahn, miec wf`t Mc`noc`tcr ncsbriocs tfcw`s, `str`m pm`lctfis th mhhes mhhe miec." Out tfcrc w`s ` pcbumi`r qu`mity th tfc sbclc tf`t rckilncn kc hg mhheila ulncr ` kibrhsbhpc. kibrhsbhpc. I oca`l th whlnc whlncrr ig I w`s sccila tfc ilsinc hg ky or`il shkcfhw. ^fc "outtcrgmy" tfilas wcrc cxtrckcmy rckilisbclt hg bcmmum`r `ppc`r`lbcs. ^fc o` o`bearhuln bearhuln ocfiln tfc tfrcc tfrcc spfcrcs spfcrcs mhhecn miec ` m`lnsb`pc, shkcwf`t rckilisbclt hg ` a`rncl, out it w`s str`lacmy `ln bhkpmcxmy bhmhrcn, khst hg tfc nct`ims csb`pila kc lhw cxbcpt tfc prcphlncr`lbc hg pile bhmhrs, `ln tfc cggcbt hg sulsct-miec bhmhrs.
031
@msh, I cxpcriclbcn `lhtfcr uliquc scls`tihl `gtcr I f`n turlcn turlcn `rhuln. `rhuln. I stimm gcmt miec I w`s ocila pummcn ghrw`rn oy tfc wiln, tfhuaf tf`t w`s wc`eclila. I bhumn scc lhtfila il grhlt hg kc tf`t scckcn th oc pummila kc. @ln tfc str`lac gicmn hg bhmhrs witf its n`lbila "outtcrgmics", tfhuaf `ppc`rila tfrcc nikclsihl`m, mhhecn miec it w`s vcry bmhsc th ky g`bc. Out str`lacst hg `mm w`s ` vcry wcirn gccmila tf`t I bhumn pumm hgg tfc thp hg ky fc`n. ^fis w`s tfc girst tikc I f`n gcmt tfis scls`tihl tfhuaf it whumn lht oc tfc m`st. ^fc gccmila is tf`t, `t tfc vcry thp milc hg ky visu`m gicmn, I b`l rc`bf ulncrlc`tf `ln pumm upw`rns, `ln tfc thp hg ky fc`n whumn rip hgg. hgg. Hovihusmy, tfis is lht ` pmc`s`lt pmc`s`lt gccmila, out I w`s vcry burihus `s th wf`t it w`s `ln wfy I gcmt it, `ln ig tfc gccmila f`n `ly bhllcbtihl bhllcbtihl th tfc sbclc ocghrc kc, wfibf I w`s tfileila khrc `ln khrc w`s shkc illcr vicw hg shkc typc hg bcmms `ln oihmhaib`m strubturcs. Yct il sfhrt hrncr, tfc pummila hg tfc wiln nicn `w`y, I gcmt kyscmg smhwila nhwl, `ln tfc sbclc ocghrc kc g`ncn `w`y. I w`s o`be il ky ocnrhhk ocnrhhk `a`il, `a`il, stimm mubin il tfc prhdcbtihl st`tc..."
?< (Fcrc is tfc girst tikc I f`n occl th ` surrc`m rcaihl rcsumtila grhk p`rti`mmy tulila ilth ` suopm`lc. suopm`lc. Yhu b`l scc ocmhw tf`t I suspcbtcn ky pcrbcptihls wcrc nuc th p`rti`mmy tulila ilth ` suopm`lc, out I w`s lht bcrt`il `t tfis philt.) "I w`s o`be il tfc vhin `a`il. ^fis tikc tfhuaf tfhuaf it w`s niggcrclt grhk tfc m`st tikc. I w`s w`s sccila sccila rc`mmy bhkpmcx achkctrib`m p`ttcrls bhkc spillila p`st kc. It's f`rn th rckckocr cx`bt nct`ims, out cvcry lhw `ln tfcl I'n scc tfcsc tfcsc rc`mmy rc`mmy iltclsc bhmhr p`ttcrls. p`ttcrls. It w`s f`rn th bhlbcptu`mizc wf`t I w`s mhheila `t il tfis "vhin". I'n oc zippila `mhla bfcbeila hut tfcsc spirhar`pf p`ttcrls tfcl `mm hg ` sunncl I'n scc ` bhmhr p`ttcrl. It w`sl't tf`t tfcsc bhmhr p`ttcrls whumn `ppc`r ocghrc kc il tfc vhin miec tfc om`be `ln wfitc spirhar`pf 036
p`ttcrls, it w`s khrc miec I whumn "g`mm" o`bew`rns, scc tfcsc iltclsc bhmhr p`ttcrls, tfcl "smip ghrw`rn" o`be ilth tfc vhin. vhin. I w`s whlncrila ig I w`s ohrncrila ohrncrila hl hl shkc nccpcr, khrc `ostr`bt pm`lc `ln w`s omileila il `ln hut hg it hr shkctfila. shkctfila. I nh rckckocr sccila tfcsc rc`mmy iltclsc mikc-arccl bhlcs tf`t wcrc ckocnncn il shkc typc hg bhkpmib`tcn achkctrib`m p`ttcr. I rckckocr ycmmhw `ln purpmc thh. @t shkc philt I nin ky spillila tribe `ln ky f`ln tribe `ln b`usc kyscmg th k`tcri`mizc `a`il. Lhw I w`s il wf`t scckcn scckcn miec miec `l upst`irs gm`t hr `p`rtkclt..."
2< (Il tfis prhdcbtihl, I mitcr`mmy s`w girst f`ln fhw tfc surrc`m sp`bc I w`s il rcsumtcn grhk sccila ` suopm`lc grhk ` niggcrclt pcrspcbtivc, sh th spc`e. Il htfcr whrns, it w`s nurila tfis prhdcbtihl tf`t I s`w `oshmutcmy tf`t ky pcrbcptihl hg ` surrc`m sp`bc w`s rcm`tcn th ` ncgilitc suopm`lc.) "F`n occl up `mm liaft stunyila ghr `l cx`k `ln a`ooila witf Dhfl. Qclt th ocn `ohut 34:: @K. I gcmm `smccp `mkhst ikkcni`tcmy. Lcxt tfila I elcw I w`s w`meila tfrhuaf ` n`lbc bmuo, vcry rckilisbclt hg tfc Nctrhit n`lbc bmuo sbclc. ^fc pm`bc w`s m`rac `ln n`re, `ln tfcrc w`s ` fuac n`lbc gmhhr gimmcn witf vcry ulncrarhuln mhheila pchpmc. I w`s w`s lht mubin `t tfis philt, out I f`n ` vcry strhla gccmila tf`t shkctfila w`s up. I w`mecn hgg hg tfc n`lbc n`lbc gmhhr ilth `lhtfcr `lhtfcr rhhk tf`t w`s ` o`r. Rittila `t tfc o`r w`s ky ahhn gricln Crib, witf wfhk I f`n d`kkcn il ` o`ln. Qfcl I s`w Crib it n`wlcn hl kc -- I w`s il tfc nrc`k whrmn! @ln `msh, `t tfis rc`miz`tihl, I khst ncgilitcmy cxpcriclbcn tfc "fc`nrusf" gccmila. Ky mubinity w`s ilbrcniomc. Cvcrytfila w`s `oshmutcmy bmc`r `ln vivin. I gcmt cx`btmy miec I nh wfcl I'k `w`ec. Hlbc ky mubinity bmibecn il tfhuaf, I ocb`kc vcry `w`rc hg ky phtclti`m th g`nc hut sh I khvcn vcry vcry smhwmy `ln b`rcgummy... (I sphec th Crib, tfcl g`ncn hut ilth tfc vhin)
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I scckcn th lhw oc gmh`tila il tfc vhin. Fhwcvcr, tfcrc wcrc wcrc wf`t scckcn th oc bhmhrcn tri`lamc tri`lamcss khvila `rhuln, brhssila `ln spillila hvcr hlc `lhtfcr k`eila nistilbtmy nistilbtmy achkctrib p`ttcrls il grhlt hg kc. ^fc bhmhrs wcrc k`ilmy ` ycmmhwisf arccl witf rcn, hr`lac `ln pile fucs `ln tfcy f`n tfc tcxturc hg bmc`r `ln skhey, out skhhtf am`ss. "^fis is ` wcirn vicw hg tfc vhin," I tfhuaft th kyscmg. kyscmg. I st`rcn st`rcn `t tfcsc p`ttcrls whlncrila wf`t tfc fcmm I w`s mhheila mhheila `t. I oca`l th ghbus f`rncr `ln f`rncr hl tfcsc p`ttcrls, tryila th nisbcrl shkc nct`im il tfck tfck.. ^fcl, `s I w`s ghbusila, tfc khst ilbrcniomc tfila f`ppclcn. I w`tbfcn tfcsc p`ttcrls "shminigy" `ln tr`lsghrk ilth tfc sbclc hl tfc n`lbc gmhhr hg tfc bmuo I f`n dust dust mcgt. mcgt. ^fc spillila tri`lamcs wcrc `btu`mmy tfc n`lbila pchpmc il tfc bmuo! I w`s `k`zcn. I rcm`xcn rcm`xcn ky ghbus `ln tfc sbclc g`ncn g`ncn o`be th tfc spillila tri`lamcs. I w`s w`s tfileila, tfileila, "Qhw! "Qhw! ^fis is `k`zila!" I tiaftclcn tiaftclcn ky ky ghbus ghbus `a`il `ln tfc tri`lamcs `a`il tr`lsghrkcn ilth tfc n`lbcrs hl tfc n`lbc gmhhr. ^fis tikc I tiaftclcn ky ghbus sh kubf kubf tf`t tf`t tfc cltirc o`r sbclc g`ncn il `rhuln kc! I w`s o`be il tfc o`r `a`il! Ky mhbekhmn w`s `a`il vcry strhla, out `a`il, I khvcn smhwmy `ln b`utihusmy sh `s lht th act thh cxbitcn `ln g`nc hut. I whlncrcn whlncrcn ig Crib Crib w`s stimm stimm fcrc. fcrc. I w`mecn w`mecn hgg tfc n`lbc n`lbc gmhhr, tfrhuaf ` lchl mit f`mmw`y, f`mmw`y, o`be ilth tfc o`r wfcrc I f`n sccl Crib. @ln lh sfit - tfcrc fc w`s il tfc s`kc rhhk! I w`s cxtrckcmy cxtrckcmy mubin `ln I rc`mmy f`n th giaft th eccp kyscmg b`mk ocb`usc I elcw I whumn g`nc ig I aht thh cxbitcn..."
>< (^fc gil`m cx`kpmc I wimm aivc hg ` surrc`m sp`bc is pcrf`ps tfc khst nr`k`tib I f`vc cvcr cxpcriclbcn. Fhwcvcr, I g`imcn gummy th rcbhrn tfis tfis cxpcriclbc ultim ultim > yc`rs `gtcr it f`n f`n f`ppclcn. Fcrc is wf`t I wrhtc il ky dhurl`m tfc n`y I f`n tfc cxpcriclbc il 09664) ""M`in tfcrc tfileila/t`meila th kyscmg, nin f`lns tribe `ln seippcn/gcmm nhwl/o`bew`rns. M`lncn oy ` 07:
aykl`siuk. Reippcn th `l `btila st`ac (i.c. `rtigibi`m, miec it w`s w`s ` st`ac st`ac sct) mhheila bity. Aht ohrcn `ln mcgt. Whincn ` oit. Cxpmhrcn ghur mcvcms hg pfysihmhaib`m strubturc4 0. tfc kckc o`btcri`, ?. swirmila bhmhrs, cnny gmuxcs, 2. bcmms `ln prhtcils, >. rhbe pm`tc`u witf ckocnncn acks `ln `thk `thk m`ttibc. m`ttibc. Reippcn th 3tf mcvcm `ln w`s il ` bity. Reippcn ilth ` rhhk `l `ln n t`mecn th ` airm. W`rihus htfcr tfilas tf`t I b`l't rckckocr. M`in il ghbus 0: rckckocrila rckckocrila tfcl gcmm `smccp." (^fis is `mm I wrhtc hriail`mmy il ky dhurl`m. It w`s > yc`rs m`tcr tf`t I cm`ohr`tcn hl tfcsc oricg lhtcs wfcl typila ky dhurl`m ilth tfc bhkputcr. Ocmhw is wf`t I rckckocrcn hg tfis cxpcriclbc ghur yc`rs m`tcr. Qf`t wc f`vc fcrc is ` mcsshl il ocila m`zy. I w`s thh m`zy th rcbhrn tfis cxpcriclbc il nct`im, `ln, `s yhu wimm scc, I ghraht sialigib`lt p`rts hg tfc cxpcriclbc. ^fis ^fis is, il ky kiln, hlc hg tfc khst sialigib`lt uscs hg `lik` tf`t I cvcr f`vc nhlc. I w`s ` ghhm th lht rcbhrn it il khrc nct`im. Qf`t I bhumn rckckocr wfcl I cltcrcn ky dhurl`m ilth tfc bhkputcr is4) "...Qf`t I nh rcb`mm vcry bmc`rmy is tf`t, wfimc I w`s il tfc kinst hg tfc kckc o`btcri` mcvcm, I aht tfc inc` th sfut ky cycs, spil `rhuln r`pinmy, `ln prctcln tf`t I w`s sfrileila. sfrileila. Qfcl I nin nin tfis `ln `ln hpclcn ky ky cycs up I w`s quitc surpriscn th scc tf`t I w`s `btu`mmy shkcwfcrc cmsc! ^f`t I f`n hr f`n lht sfrule nhwl I nhl't elhw `oshmutcmy, out tfcl `a`il, tfcrc is lht hlc tfila ncsbriocn il tfis dhurl`m I f`vc ulncrst`lnila hg (htfcr tf`ltf`t tfc g`bt tf`t `ly tfis `oshmutc stugg nin hbbur!). @ln wf`t wf`t I s`w wfcl wfcl I hpclcn ky cycs w`s `k`zila. I w`s il tfc kinst hg ` spcbt`bum`r spcbt`bum`r p`lhr`k` p`lhr`k` hg swirmila `btivity `ln spir`mila bhmhrs. Il tfc cltry `ohvc I rcgcr th tfis `s "swirmila bhmhrs, cnny gmuxcs". Cvcl lhw I b`l rckckocr shkc hg tfc ik`acs hg wf`t I s`w. @t tfc tikc ky ikprcssihl w`s tf`t I w`s w`tbfila tfc oihbfckib`m bybmcs ilsinc ky bcmms, out I w`s sccila tfck up bmhsc. ^fc sbclc w`s st`aacrila il its bhkpmcxity. Il tfis prhdcbtihl, prhdcbtihl, I w`s gmh`tila `khlast tfc ik`acs, gmh`tila surrhulncn oy tfcsc bhmhr p`ttcrls. I 070
rckckocr tf`t I w`s `k`zcn, out o`ggmcn, `ln ninl't ulncrst`ln il tfc mc`st wf`t I w`s mhheila `t, htfcr tf`l tf`t it w`s vcry oc`utigum `ln khvila `rhuln thh kubf th k`ec hut `ly ncgilitc strubturc. @t tfc tikc, nurila tfc prhdcbtihl, tfc k`il tfila ahila tfrhuaf ky kiln w`s tfc lcw tr`vcm/seip tcbfliquc I f`n dust ncviscn. Rilbc, `t tfis scbhln mcvcm, wfibf I f`n `ssukcn th oc lcstcn ilsinc hg tfc kckc o`btcri` mcvcm, I ninl't rc`mmy elhw fhw th k`ec kubf sclsc hg wf`t I w`s sccila, I ncbincn th try tfc s`kc tcbfliquc `a`il. Rh, il il tfc kinst hg `mm tfcsc swirmila bhmhrs, I sfut ky cycs, st`rtcn spillila `rhuln `ln hlbc `a`il prctclncn prctclncn I w`s w`s sfrileila. ^fcl I hpclcn ky cycs `ln `a`il `a`il I w`s shkcwfcrc shkcwfcrc cmsc! cmsc! Il tfc cltry `ohvc `ohvc I f`vc tfc ncsbriptihl hg tfis tfirn mcvcm `s "bcmms `ln prhtcils". Slghrtul`tcmy, `t tfis philt I nhl't rckckocr ` silamc silamc ik`ac ik`ac I s`w `t tfis mcvcm. Qf`tcvcr it w`s w`s tfhuaf, it kust f`vc occl tfilas tf`t rckilncn kc hg prhtcil strubturc, strubturc, wfibf whumn kc`l bhims `ln mhhp mhhps, s, hr I whumnl't f`vc writtcl tfis il ky dhurl`m. I nh rckckocr bmc`rmy tfhuaf tfhuaf wf`t I w`s tfileila `t tfis tfis mcvcm. mcvcm. I rckckocr rckckocr tfileila th kyscmg kyscmg shkctfila shkctfila `mhla tfc milcs hg tfc ghmmhwila mhaib, "Ig I'k rc`mmy mhheila `t prhtcils, tfcl I sfhumn oc `omc th sfrile nhwl `ln `btu`mmy scc tfc ilnivinu`m `thks tf`t tfc prhtcils `rc bhkphscn hg." Rh I sfut sfut ky cycs, spul `rhuln r`pinmy, `ln prctclncn th sfrile sfrile cvcl gurtfcr. Qfcl I hpclcn kybmc`rmy w`s lhw `a`il`s`tI typc. ` lcwI mcvcm `ln rckckocr bmcycs c`rmyI cvcl hpclcn kytfis cycsI `ln I w`s st`lnila hl ` rhbe mcnac, `ln il tfis mcnac wcrc ckocnncn ckocnncn mittmc mittmc amistclila amistclila dcwcms. I mhhecn up `ln il grhlt hg kc `s g`r `s I bhumn scc wcrc mittmc nhts hg miaft `mm milcn milcn up il ` m`ttibc p`ttcrl. "@rc tfhsc `thks8" `thks8" I whlncrcn, "ig tfcy `rc, tfcl wfy `rcl't tfcy khvila8" ^fc mcnac tf`t w`s hvcrmhheila tfis m`ttibc whre w`s hlmy `ohut tfrcc gcct fiaf `ln I stcppcn hgg hg it ilth tfc m`ttibc sc` hg miafts. I gmh`tcn hut ilth it, khstmy bhlghulncn oy wf`t I w`s mhheila `t. It w`s vcry stimm `ln quict. ^fc miafts wcrc sikpmy ckocnncn il tfc 07?
n`relcss, `ln tfcy wcrc lht khvila hr `lytfila, hlmy sittila il pm`bc amhwila shgtmy. I rckckocr tfcsc ik`acs bmc`r `s n`y. I gmh`tcn tfrhuaf tfis p`lhr`k` `ln ocb`kc ohrcn ocb`usc it w`s tfc s`kc tfila il cvcry nircbtihl I mhhecn. I elhw I w`s tryila th scc tfilas tfilas miec Ocs`lt `ln Mc`noc`tcr ncsbriocn il Hbbumt Bfckistry. Rh I sfut ky cycs, spul `rhuln `a`il, `ln prctclncn th sfrile. @ln `a`il, I hpclcn ky cycs `ln w`s shkcwfcrc cmsc! ^fis tikc tfhuaf I w`s st`lnil st`lnila a il ` bity, `ln it gcmt vcry amhhky th kc. kc. It w`s w`s kisty kisty `ln eiln hg n`re. ^filas wcrc bhmhrcn, bhmhrcn, out p`mc, p`mc, `ln khstmy sf`nhwy. I gcmt ` mittmc sb`rcn oy tfis pm`bc. G`r hgg il tfc nist`lbc I s`w ` brc`turc rullila `ln it scckcn scckcn th kc th mhhe miec ` whmg rullila miec ` k`l. I rckckocr rckckocr `t tfis philt tfileila th kyscmg, "I whlncr ig I'k hl tfc mhwcst `str`m pm`lc lhw8 K`yoc wf`t f`ppclcn is I st`rtcn hut `t tfc kckc mcvcm, sfrule nccpcr `ln nccpcr ilth tfc pfysib`m mcvcm, ultim I gil`mmy phppcn riaft hut hg tfc pfysib`m mcvcm ilth tfc `str`m pm`lc." ^f`t's wf`t I tfhuaft wfcl I w`s `btu`mmy tfcrc sccila it girst f`ln, `ln tfis is wf`t I ocmicvc thn`y."
Rh tfcrc yhu f`vc it. Qc'vc lhw ahlc tfrhuaf ` survcy hg wf`t it's miec hl tfc htfcr sinc hg tfc vcim, il tfc HHOC rc`mk. Oy `ly st`ln`rn, wf`t I f`vc ncsbriocn fcrc is hlmy ` gr`btihl hg wf`t f`s occl ncsbriocn. @ln khrchvcr, wf`t f`s occl ncsbriocn fcrc is hovihusmy sm`ltcn oy `ln mikitcn oy ky hwl cxpcriclbcs il tfc HHOC rc`mk `ln ky hwl iltcrprct`tihls hg tfcsc cxpcriclbcs. I nh, oy `mm kc`ls, clbhur`ac cvcryhlc th rc`n `s kubf `s tfcy b`l `ohut wf`t migc is miec il tfc pm`lcs. Yhu k`y giln bhltr`nibthry bhltr`nibthry rcphrts, yhu k`y giln niggcrila iltcrprct`tihls, out tfis is th oc cxpcbtcn. ^fc rc`mk wfcrc HHOCs hbbur is v`st ocyhln `lytfila wc elhw hr ulncrst`ln fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. It is trumy ikphrt`lt ig yhu w`lt th f`vc `s gumm `l ulncrst`lnila `s phssiomc tf`t yhu cxphsc yhurscmg th `s k`ly vicws `s phssiomc `ohut tfc HHOC/`str`m prhdcbtihl/ mubin nrc`k cxpcriclbc. @ln, `s `mw`ys, yhu w`lt th usc YHS_ HQL CVZC_ICLBC IL ^FCRC _C@MKR, `s yhur o`sis ghr iltcrprctila tfc rcphrts hg htfcrs. 072
Htfcr pchpmc's rcphrts `rc arc`t ghr aivila us inc`s `ln ghr cxphsila us th phssioimitics, `ln ghr bhrrhohr`tila tfc tfilas wc cxpcriclbc hut-hg-ohny, out il tfc cln, tfcrc is lh suostitutc ghr pcrshl`m, nircbt cxpcriclbc. I try fcrc th sfhw yhu nhhrs. It is yhu wfh kust p`ss
^filas @ln Zchpmc Yhu Yhu Kcct
Qc'vc nisbusscn tfc tfilas yhu b`l nh `ln pm`bcs yhu b`l ah nurila `l HHOC, lhw I'n miec th nisbuss tfc brc`turcs yhu b`l kcct nurila nurila `l HHOC. HHOC. Il aclcr`m yhu b`l orc`e tfis thpib nhwl ilth twh p`rts4 0. tfc lhlfuk`l tfilas yhu kcct, `ln ?. tfc fuk`l tfilas yhu kcct. kcct. I wimm lhw lhw nisbuss c`bf hg tfcsc il turl, turl, ocaillila witf tfc lhlfuk`l tfilas girst. Lhlfuk`l Nclizils Hg ^fc Zm`lcs
@ lukocr hg tfc cltrics I f`vc prcscltcn sh g`r `rc cx`kpmcs hg kcctila lhlfuk`l cltitics. I f`vc ncsbriocn kcctila tfc ghmmhwila "brc`turcs"4 ` t`meila rfilh (cltry 9 ulncr tfc fc`nila "Cxcrbisila psybfib phwcrs"), ` griclnmy spirit (cltry > ulncr "Khvila, Gmyila `ln tfc "Qiln"), lukcrhus afhums, `ln ncsbrioc kcctila ` lukocr hg pchpmc `s wcmm. O`sib`mmy, `ln tfis is bhkkhlmy rcphrtcn il tfc `str`m pm`lc mitcr`turc, tfcrc `rc `ly lukocr hg lhlfuk`l cltitics yhu k`y kcct. Rubf cltitics ilbmunc "iltcmmiaclt" `lik`ms, spirits hg `mm typcs, g`iry ghme, str`lac khlstcrs, afhums, zhkoics, rhttila ohnics `ln prctty kubf `lytfila cmsc yhu b`l ik`ailc. ^fcsc cltitics cltitics k`y oc griclnmy, fhstimc hr `lytfila il octwccl. ^fcy k`y oc bhkpmctcmy ilniggcrclt th yhur prcsclbc. @ohut `mm I b`l s`y il tcrks hg kcctila lhlfuk`l cltitics is tf`t yhu w`lt th try th `sbcrt`il ` lukocr hg g`bthrs. Girst, yhu w`lt th try th nctcrkilc ig tfc cltity nispm`ys vhmitihl. ^f`t is, nhcs tfc cltity `bt hg its hwl `bbhrn8 Ig it nhcs lht, tfcl it is phssiomc yhu `rc sccila ` tfhuaft-ghrk. I wimm aivc `l cx`kpmc hg kcctila ` tfhuaft-ghrk ocmhw. Rcbhln, try th bhkkulib`tc witf tfc cltity ig yhu b`l. It b`l't furt furt yhu th try. Gil`mmy, ig ig tfc cltity `ppc`rs fhstimc, nhl't whrry `ohut 07>
it, `s wc s`w witf tfc brc`turc tf`t tricn th b`pturc kc il tfc vhin (GIMC 9, cltry 2 ulncr "Migc il tfc vhin"), tfc situ`tihl w`s o`sib`mmy f`rkmcss. I wimm `msh prcsclt cltrics ocmhw wfcrc I bhlgrhlt fhstimc lhlfuk`l cltitics sh yhu b`l scc wf`t I f`vc nhlc il subf birbukst`lbcs. Mct kc lhw prcsclt shkc cltrics. 0< (Lhtc tf`t tfis is p`rt hg tfc cltry il lukocr 02 ulncr "Cxcrbisila "Cxcrbisila psybfib psybfib phwcrs". Fcrc I kcrcmy s`in4 s`in4 (I tfcl kct ` khlstcr il tfc b`vc, wfibf mulacn `t kc `ln b`uscn kc th mhsc ky mhbekhmn...). I wimm lhw prcsclt tfis kcctila witf tfc khlstcr. khlstcr. ^fis is ` ahhn ahhn cx`kpmc hg immustr`tila fhw ` tfrc`tclila clbhultcr, tfhuaf st`rtmila, is f`rkmcss.) "I w`s st`lnila o`be il tfc kist gimmcn b`vc whlncrila wf`t tfc fcbe I f`n dust sccl (`s ncsbriocn il 02). up 02). ^fc hodcbts b`ua ft ky^fcy `ttcltihl `ln Icltry fhvcrcn th n`lamila act ` bmhscr mhhe b`uaft `t tfck. `ppc`rcn th oc fiafmy bhmhrcn p`pcr k`bfc tuocs suspclncn grhk strilas, rc`m rckilisbclt hg Bfilcsc `rtwhre. I ghbuscn hl tfck il tfc s`kc g`sfihl I nin `ohvc `ln tfcir `ppc`r`lbc bf`lacn. Lhw tfcy mhhecn miec mittmc brc`turcs n`lamila grhk strilas! ^fcy f`n ohnics tf`t wcrc sk`mm sk`mm il prhphrtihl th tfcir fc`ns. ^fcy f`n mittmc oc`n-miec cycs cycs `ln mhla tuoc-miec tuoc-miec oc`es. ^fcy f`n sfhrt mittmc n`lamila `rks witf mittmc nct`imcn f`lns tf`t rckilncn kc kc hg kibc kibc f`lns. I giaurcn tf`t tfcy kust oc shkc eiln hg cmckclt`ms. I thubfcn tfck `ln gcmt tfck. Out tfc ghbus orhec `a`il `ln tfcy rcvcrtcn o`be th bhmhrcn p`pcr-k`bfc tuocs. I mhhecn `rhuln whlncrila ig tfcrc w`s ` kirrhr. Ilspcbtila tfc sfcmvcs `a`ilst tfc b`vc w`mm, I s`w ` kirrhr `ohut 0: gcct gcct up hl tfc b`vc b`vc w`mm! w`mm! (Lh rc`m surprisc, fuf8) I gmcw up th it `ln mhhecn `t kyscmg. Qf`t I s`w mhhecn miec ` fhrrhr sthry vcrsihl hg kyscmg. It w`s kc , out ky seil w`s `mm wfitc `ln gm`ecn, ky cycs wcrc bhkpmctcmy wfitc `ln bf`mey mhheila, `ln ky cyc shbects wcrc nccp `s ig ky g`bc w`s dust ` seumm. I 073
tfhuaft th kyscmg, "Hf ky!". Out I w`sl't ulusu`mmy st`rtmcn. ^fis is lht tfc girst tikc I f`n sccl wcirn ik`acs hg kyscmg kyscmg il `str`m kirrhrs. I bhltilucn st`rila `t tfc ik`ac `ln it tfcl tr`lsghrkcn ilth ` lhrk`m ik`ac hg kyscmg. I tfhuaft tf`t w`s iltcrcstila. I turlcn `ln mhhecn `rhuln `rhuln tfc b`vc, tfcl turlcn o`be th tfc kirrhr. I s`w tfc s`kc tfila5 girst tfc fhrrhr ik`ac, wfibf tfcl tr`lsghrkcn th tf tfcc lhrk`m lhrk`m ik`ac. ik`ac. I fhvcrcn fhvcrcn nhwl th m`ln hl tfc b`vc gmhhr whlncrila ig tfcrc w`s `ly sialigib`lbc th tfcsc kirrhr ik`acs. ik`acs. I w`s st`rila ghrw`rn ilth tfc kists `t tfc b`vc cltr`lbc `ln s`w `l hutmilc hg ` fuk`lhin ghrk tfcrc. "Qf`t tfc fcmm fcmm is tf`t8" I whlncrcn. whlncrcn. I ocb`kc ocb`kc ` oit trcpin. ^fc ik`ac w`s khvila thw`rns kc `ln I ghbuscn ghbuscn hl it witf ky lcw ghbusila ghbusila kctfhn. @ln ohy, nin nin I act ` surprisc `a`il! Qf`t I s`w w`s ` af`stmy mhheila khlstcr rc`ny rc`ny th mulac `t kc! I aht ` ahhn amikpsc hg hg wf`t it mhhecn mhhecn miec. Its g`bc f`n tfc s`kc s`kc qu`mity `s ky fhrrhr kirrhr ik`ac5 wfitc bf`mey seil, purc wfitc cycs. Its khutf w`s `a`pc, g`las prhtrunila grhk its d`ws. It scckcn th oc hvcr 7 gcct t`mm, fuk`lhin, `ln w`s ulqucstihl`omy oiaacr tf`l kc. It f`n its `rks cxtclncn th ar`o `t kc, `ln it f`n fuac bm`ws hl its f`lns. It scckcn th oc wr`ppcn up miec ` kukky. I o`becn up ilth tfc `ir, khrc nisturocn tf`l sb`rcn, `ln tricn th p`ss tfrhuaf tfc o`be hg tfc b`vc w`mm, out out th lh `v`im. ^fcrc w`s w`s lh w`y I bhumn sfhht sfhht p`st it w`s `ln w`s whumn ar`o kc. @ln tfcl, it `msh it, sfht up ilthh tfcbmhsc `ir `ln w` s bhkila `t `t kc. I `t mc`st w`sl't p`libeila `ln tfc tfila mulacn `t kc witf ` mhun arhwm. @t tfc m`st khkclt it n`wlcn hl kc, "Qf`t tfc fcmm b`l tfis tfila nh th k kcc `lyw`y8 @gtcr `mm, I'k I'k il ky `str`m ohny. It b`l't furt kc." ^fc khlstcr ohulbcn hl kc `ln ar`oocn kc. ^fc sfhbe hg its ikp`bt ikp`bt w`s clhuaf clhuaf th b`usc ky mhbekhmn mhbekhmn th orc`e. I w`s o`be hl ky ocn...."
077
?< (Fcrc's `lhtfcr cx`kpmc hg ` khlstcr mulaila `t kc. ^fis tikc it's ` afhum. @a`il, yhu nhl't nhl't f`vc th gc`r gc`r tfcsc tfilas.) "...I turlcn `w`y grhk tfc kirrhr whlncrila wf`t ky `ppc`r`lbc kc`lt `ln I lhtibcn tf`t ky wilnhw wfibf f`s ` g`l il it hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc nin lht f`vc ` g`l il it lhw. Out tfcl I lhtibc lhtibcn n tf`t tfcrc w`s shkcohny hr shkctfila st`lnila hut il tfc o` o`bey`rn. bey`rn. I mhhecn `ln it w`s w`s ` afhum! ^fcrc w`s ` afhum brc`turc brc`turc st`lnila hutsinc ky rhhk! It w`s wc`rila ` r`aacn ycmmhw ycmmhw sfirt `ln rippcn rcn rcn sfhrts. It f`n mhla strilay, strilay, nirty nirty ar`y f`ir, `ln mhhecn miec ` bhrpsc il `l `nv`lbcn st`tc hg ncb`y. Ahn, lhw I w`s rc`mmy whlncrila wf`t tfc fcmm w`s ahila hl! Lht hlmy nin I mhhe wcirn, out lhw tfcrc w`s shkc `str`m smikc il ky vcry hwl o`bey`rn. It ninl't striec kc nurila tfc prhdcbtihl, out wf`t w`s wcirn w`s fhw tfc afhum w`s phsitihlcn il ky o`bey`rn `ln tfc `lamc I w`s vicwila fik grhk hut ky wilnhw. Fc w`s st`lnila `t tfc bhrlcr hg ky rhhk hl tfc hutsinc, witf its sinc g`bila il ky nircbtihl `ln its grhlt g`bila thw`rns tfc strcct `ln its o`be g`bila ilth tfc o`bey`rn. o`bey`rn. Qf`t I ninl't rc`mizc rc`mizc ultim I whec up `ln wrhtc tfis is tf`t tfcrc is lh w`y I bhumn scc shkchlc ig tfcy wcrc st`lnila il tfis phsitihl hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. I dust tricn th mhhe hut ky wilnhw grhk wfcrc I w`s st`lnila il ky rhhk il tfc prhdcbtihl, `ln yhu sikpmy b`l't scc tf`t bhrlcr hg tfc fhusc. I f`vc th put ky g`bc riaft up th tfc sbrccl `ln turl ky fc`n th scc tf`t phsitihl grhk ky wilnhw. Out il tfc prhdcbtihl I bhumn scc tf`t phsitihl pcrgcbtmy st`lnila o`be ` gcw gcct grhk tfc wilnhw. Achkctrib`mmy, tfis whumn kc`l tf`t tfc bhrlcr hg ky rhhk w`s mcss tf`l 9: ncarccs il ky prhdcbtihl hl wf`tcvcr pm`lc I w`s hl. Citfcr tfis hr tf`t I bhumn vcry l`tur`mmy scc `rhuln ` 9: ncarcc bhrlcr! @ln I elhw tf`t I w`s LH^ sccila sccila tfrhuaf tfrhuaf tfc w`mm. I s`w tfc zhkoic tfrhuaf tfc wilnhw. Qf`tcvcr tfc b`sc, tfc achkctry hg sp`bc w`s ncgilitcmy vcry niggcrclt il ky prhdcbtihl tf`l it is hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. 071
Rh tfcrc I w`s mhheila `t tfc afhum whlncrila wf`t I sfhumn sfhumn nh. It w`s dust st`lnila tfcrc `t tfc bhrlcr bhrlcr hg tfc fhusc `ln I ninl't elhw ig it w`s bhlsbihus, hr ig it elcw I w`s mhheila `t it hr wf`t. Out ky burihsity burihsity aht tfc ocst hg kc `ln I giaurcn I'n nivc hut ky htfcr wilnhw tf`t w`s up hvcr its fc`n `ln scc dust wf`t it mhhecn miec up bmhsc. I giaurcn, fcmm, tfis is tfc `str`m pm`lc, pm`lc, `ln tfc tfila b`l't furt kc `lyw`y sh wf`t f`vc I aht th mhsc8 Rh I nhvc nhvc tfrhuaf tfrhuaf ky wilnhw. wilnhw. I p`sscn p`sscn tfrhuaf tfc wilnhw `ln tfcrc I w`s il grhlt hg it. I tricn th mhhe `t its g`bc, out its g`bc w`s dust ` omur `ln I bhumnl't ghbus hl it. Out it mhhecn mhhecn miec ` nricn up bhrpsc witf mhla nirty, strilay f`ir `ln its rippcn up bmhtfcs. ^fcl `l ilst`lt `gtcr I dukpcn hut tfc wilnhw, it mulacn `t kc. I rckckocr tf`t tfc tfila arhwmcn arhwmcn `s it mulacn. It st`rtmcn tfc sfit hut hg kc `ln I pummcn kyscmg `w`ec. I s`t tfcrc il ocn whlncrila wf`t it `mm kc`lt. kc`lt. Q`s tf`t tfila stimm hutsinc hl `lhtfcr pm`lc8 Nin it w`lncr hgg `a`il8 Qfy w`s shkctfila shkctfila miec tf`t tf`t il hur o`bey`rn8 Q`s it dust p`ssila tfrhuaf8 Nin tfis fhuscfhmn ckit viocs tf`t `ttr`btcn it8 Qfy nin nin ky ohny k`tcri`mizc k`tcri`mizc ilth ilth subf ` ncghrkcn sf`pc8 I ninl't elhw wf`t th tfile. @gtcr I `whec, I w`sl't sb`rcn hr sphhecn hr `lytfila miec tf`t, dust vcry burihus. I'vc elhw clhuaf `ohut tfis prhdcbtila prhdcbtila lhw th rc`mizc tf`t lhtfila b`l furt kc hut tfcrc cxbcpt kyscmg `ln I lcvcr lccn th gc`r gc`r `lytfila. `lytfila. Qrhtc tfis cltry."
2< (Fcrc's ` ncsbriptihl hg shkc str`lac brc`turcs I kct tf`t scckcn th f`vc tfcir hwl vhmitihl, out ninl't scck thh iltcmmiaclt. It is ky suspibihl tf`t tfcsc wcrc shkc typc hg g`iry-ghme.) "Q`s nrc`kila nrc`kila il ky hmn rhhk `t K`'s fhusc. fhusc. I elcw I w`s ahila th ah ilth it. I gcmm hgg ky ocn `ln gmcw up. I w`s mhheila hut hut ky (hmn) ocnrhhk ocnrhhk wilnhw wilnhw hvcr K`'s o`bey`rn. I gmcw tfrhuaf tfc wilnhw cgghrtmcssmy. I w`s up hvcr K`'s o`bey`rn. I bhumn gccm tfc wiln wfippila p`st kc. I w`s w`s am`n am`n th oc o`be. Gmcw ` `rhuln rhuln ` oit tfcl wclt str`iaft up. Om`becn hut `t `ohut hlc 076
qu`rtcr kimc kimc up. Q`s il tfc vhin, out I gmcw gmcw nhwlw`rn nhwlw`rn `lyw`y. I rca`ilcn ky siaft out ninl't rcbhalizc wfcrc wfcrc I w`s. I w`ltcn th cxpcrikclt sh I fhv fhvcrcn crcn il tfc tfc `ir `ln `ln ik`ailcn I w`s `t N`n's fhusc. I w`ltcn th k`tcri`mizc k`tcri`mizc tfcrc. It ninl't whre, whre, hr ig it nin I bhumnl't tcmm ocb`usc I om`becn hut `a`il. `a`il. I rckckocrcn rckckocrcn wf`t I f`n rc`n il Arcclc's ohhe `ohut ahila ilth sp`bc, sh I ncbincn I w`s ahila th try th gmy th tfc khhl. I gmcw upw`rns `ln ik`ailcn I w`s w`s `t tfc khhl. khhl. I w`s stimm il tfc vhin, `ln I ninl't rc`mmy elhw wfcrc I w`s, hr wfcrc I w`s ahila, out `gtcr gmyila upw`rns ghr shkc tikc I tricn th rca`il ky mhbekhmn. I bhlbcltr`tcn bhlbcltr`tcn hl tryila tryila th pcrbcivc `rhuln kc il tfc vhin, `ln I st`rtcn th k`tcri`mizc k`tcri`mizc shkcwfcrc. I w`s st`lnila il ` bmc`rila il ` k kisty isty hmn ghrcst. I tfhuaft th kyscmg, "^fis is tfc khhl8 It nhcsl't mhhe miec tfc khhl." khhl." I rckckocr ` khss bhvcrcn g`mmcl g`mmcl trcc `t ky gcct, kist brccpila `brhss tfc arhuln, ycmmhw nc`n ar`ss. Ky visihl w`sl't pcrgcbt, tfc mhbekhmn w`s sf`ey, I bhumnl't scc ilth ky pcripfcr`m pcripfcr`m visihl. visihl. I fc`rn ` wcirn ahhila lhisc il grhlt hg kc. It shulncn miec mittmc o`oics m`uafila il ` nckcltcn w`y. I mhhecn up `ln s`w mittmc pchpmc bhkila `t kc. I ocb`kc griaftclcn ` mittmc oit, out I w`s `s cqu`mmy burihus. ^fc ahhila lhiscs wcrc bhkila grhk tfck `ln it w`s brccpy. ^fcy wcrc uamy mittmc brc`turcs- ar`y purpmc seil, om`be k`ttcn f`ir hl tfc thps hg tfcir fc`ns, `ohut 0 `ln 0/? gcct t`mm, sthut mittmc ohnics witf punay `rks `ln mcas, `ln pitbf pitbf om`be om`be cycs. ^fcy wcrc wcrc wc`rila wf`t mhhecn mhhecn miec r`as `ohut tfcir arhils. ^fcy `pprh`bfcn kc witf tfcir `rks hutstrctbfcn tryila th thubf kc. I w`s griaftclcn `s `s kubf `s I w`s rcpumscn. I s`in "mct kc ah!", `s tfcy wcrc lhw lhw ar`ooila `t kc. ^fcy wcrcl't fhstimc tfhua tfhuaf, f, tfcy hlmy scckcn th oc burihus. I mhhecn hlc hg tfck nistilbtmy nistilbtmy il tfc g`bc `ln it st`rcn o`be up `t kc `ln scckcn th skimc- tfhuaf it w`s `l ckpty `ln lhl iltcmmiaclt iltcmmiaclt skimc. I oca`l th mhsc ky mhbekhmn `ln gcmt gcmt kyscmg kyscmg g`nila g`nila `w`y. Bhumn gccm kyscmg il ky ky pfysib`m ohny ohny `a`il. Bhumn scc fyplhahaib ik`acs ocfiln ky bmhscn cycmins. It mhhecn miec ` nube 079
st`rila `t kc-out I rc`mmy nhl't elhw wf`t it w`s, it w`sl't khvila tfhuaf. Qf`t w`s rc`mmy rc`mmy uliquc ttfhuaf fhuaf is tf`t tfc ik`ac w`s ulnum`tila miec4 (nr`wila il ky lhtcs). It mhhecn miec tfc ulnum`tihls prhnubcn oy nrhppila twh twh rhbes il tfc w`tcr. ^fc ohtthk ulnum`tihl w`s bhvcrila shkc typc typc hg m`lnsb`pc. Mhst tfc tfc ik`ac ik`ac `ln whec up."
>< (Fcrc's `l cx`kpmc hg kcctila ` tfhuaft-ghrk. Il tfis b`sc, it w`s ` tfhuaft-ghrk hg Rupcrk`l! ^fhuaft-ghrks f`vc lh vhmitihl `t `mm `ln hgtcl mhhe miec k`llcquils.) k`llcquils.) "...I w`s m`yila hl ky ocn `a`il, out I stimm gcmt ky gcct tippcn upw`rns fiafcr tf`l ky fc`n. I w`s stimm ` mittmc `gr`in out I oca`l tippila `ln sminila o`bew`rns `a`il. I s`w tfc arccl `ln purpmc spir`m khtihl khtihl `a`il, out tfis tikc I smin quibemy tfhuaf it. Lcxt I rcb`mm, rcb`mm, I w`s w`s gmh`tila il ` arc`t n`relcss, out ocghrc kc w`s ` strubturc tf`t mhhecn th oc k`nc up hg p`ss`acs hg gm`as hr burt`ils nr`pila nhwlw`rns. @s I aht aht bmhscr tfc p`ss`acs scckcn th ghrk ` k`zc. ^fcrc w`s ` giaurc gmh`tila `t tfc cltr`lbc th tfis k`zc `ln `s I aht bmhscr, I rc`mizcn it w`s Rupcrk`l! Out Rupcrk`l Rupcrk`l mhhecn mhhecn miec miec ` thy nhmm, hr ` k`llcquil `ln fc ninl't mhhe rc`m `t `mm. ^fc cxprcssihl hl fis g`bc w`s bhkpmctcmy ikkhoimc `ln mhhecn miec it w`s k`nc hut hg pm`s pm`stib. tib. I `secn fik ig fc w`s rc`m, rc`m, out I aht lh `lswcr. `lswcr. ^fcl I giaurcn it w`s prho`omy dust ` tfhuaft-ghrk. I nrigtcn p`st Rupcrk`l ilth tfc k`zc hg f`laila gm`as. I lhtibcn tf`t tfc Rupcrk`l tfhuaft-ghrk w`s ghmmhwila kc, out I ninl't rc`mmy b`rc. I stunicn tfcsc gm`as gm`as `ln lhtibcn tf`t tf`t c`bf hlc w`s hg vcry spcbigib bhmhrs. ^fc bhmhrs scckcn scckcn th oc m`in hut hl ` om`be vcmvct vcmvct o`bearhuln. o`bearhuln. ^fcl it n`wlcn hl kc tf`t tfc bhmhrs tf`t c`bf gm`a w`s k`nc up hg w`s incltib`m th tfc bhmhrs hg ` p`rtibum`r supcrfcrh's bhstukc! I s`w hlc hlc tf`t w`s w`s khstmy omuc `ln rcn rcn witf ` mittmc ycmmhw5 ycmmhw5 tf`t w`s Rupcrk`l. Rupcrk`l. ^fcl tfcrc w`s hlc hg rcn `ln omuc witf om`be il it5 tf`t w`s Rpincrk`l. Rpincrk`l. ^fcrc w`s `lhtfcr hlc hg ycmmhw `ln rcn - `ln tf`t w`s 01:
Irhlk`l. @s I st`rcn `t tfcsc I rc`mizcn tf`t tfcy wcrcl't rc`mmy gm`as miec miec I f`n supphscn. supphscn. ^fcy wcrc wcrc khrc khrc miec strips hg om`be vcmvct witf bhmhrs m`in hut hl tfck. ^fc tcxturc hg tfc bhmhrs w`s vcry sikim`r th tfc tcxturc hg bhmhrs hl ` gm`a (i.c. (i.c. miec nycn bmhtf)..." bmhtf)..."
3< (Fcrc is `l iltcrcstila clbhultcr I f`n witf ` ai`lt kilht`ur. I nh lht elhw ig tfis brc`turc w`s ` tfhuaft ghrk hr lht. It scckcn th nispm`y vhmitihl, out its ocf`vihr w`s fiafmy rcpctitihus, wfibf k`ecs kc suspcbt tfis brc`turc k`y f`vc occl ` brc`tihl hg ky suobhlsbihus kiln. @t `ly r`tc, tfc ghmmhwila `nvclturc is eiln hg bhkib`m. I suspcbt tfcrc is ` mht hg pcrshl`m pcrshl`m sykohmisk il tfis prhdcbtihl.) "...I f`n ` g`msc `w`eclila. `w`eclila. I `whec il ocn, lht rc`mizila tf`t I w`sl't il ky rc`m ocnrhhk. I w`s vcry cxbitcn `nvclturc ky`ln girst w`s, "Qhw! I`ohut f`vc tfis th b`mm _ho `ln`ln Dhcy tcmmtfhuaft tfck `ohut tfis prhdcbtihl." prhdcbtihl." Ghr shkc rc`shl I tfhuaft it w`s kin`gtcrlhhl `ln I bhumn act ` fhmn hg tfck hl tfc pfhlc. ^fcl I mhhecn hvcr `t tfc niait`m bmhbe th scc wf`t tikc it w`s. Out I bhumnl't rc`n wf`t wf`t tikc it w`s ocb`usc I bhumn scc `ohut twclty niggcrclt tikcs nispm`ycn `t hlbc, g`nila subbcssivcmy o`bew`rns. @ln I bhumn `msh scc tfc ac`rs spillila `rhuln ilsinc ilsinc hg tfc bmhbe. "Ahnn`kl!" I tfhuaft th kyscmg, "I'k stimm prhdcbtila!" Rtimm, rc`n tfc tikc thh `lyw`y. scckcn `t th s`y 74>1, outI tricn I w`sthsikpmy sccila k`ly Itlukocrs hlbc th oc surc. Out I elcw elcw ghr surc I w`s w`s stimm prhdcbtila. I mhhecn `rhuln. I w`s il ` o`rc ocnrhhk, witf hlmy ky k`ttrcss k`ttrcss `ln tfc bmhbe. I scckcn th oc il `l `p`rtkclt. `p`rtkclt. ^fc nhhr nhhr w`s hpcl `ln `ln wclt hgg ilth ` f`mmw`y, `ln tfcrc w`s ` wilnhw hl tfc w`mm hg tfc f`mm. I aht up hut hg tfc ocn `ln rc`mizcn tf`t ky mhbekhmn stimm gcmt ilbrcniomy st`omc, shmin `ln winc `w`ec. I w`mecn hut ilth ilth tfc f`mm `ln mhhecn hut tfc wilnhw. tfc wilnhw s`w w`s tf`t `l I w`s quitc ` gcw sthrics^frhuaf hgg tfc arhuln, `ln Itfcrc ulg`kimi`r 010
bity hgg il tfc nist`lbc. I ncbincn th gmy `ohut `ln cxpmhrc. I p`sscn p`sscn vcry vcry c`simy tfrhuaf tfc wilnhw wilnhw `ln `ln bhumn cvcl gccm tf`t wc`e tuaaila gccmila `s I p`sscn tfrhuaf tfc wilnhw. I w`s lhw fhvcrila il tfc `ir dust hutsinc. I bhumn scc scc tf`t I w`s ncgilitcmy `ohut givc givc sthrics up. It gcmt miec sulsct w`s dust `rhuln tfc bhrlcr `ln tfc bity miafts wcrc sp`remila sp`remila hgg ilth tfc nist`lbc. nist`lbc. Ocyhln tfc bity I bhumn scc bhultrysinc. ^fcl I mhhecn nircbtmy ocmhw kc `ln aht `l ilbrcniomc sfhbe. Fcrc I `k fhvcrila givc sthrics up il tfc `ir, out nhwl ocmhw kc hl tfc arhuln is ` aia`ltib brc`turc tf`t mhhes miec ` bclt`ur! It w`s c`simy tfrcc sthrics fiaf. I grc`ecn hut! I w`s dust ahll` gmy `w`y `ln fhpc tf`t it ninl't scc kc. I tricn th gmy out I bhumnl't, it gcmt miec I w`s mhbecn il pm`bc. @ln tfcl, `s ig il rcsphlsc th ky ncsirc th spmit, it s`w kc. It mhhecn up `t kc `ln philtcn `t kc `ln s`in il ` mhw, nccp, nccp, rukomila vhibc, "Cxbusc, "Cxbusc, kc. Hf cxbusc kc, sir, out I kust `se ` g`vhr hg yhu." I bhumnl't ocmicvc it, tfc tfila's vhibc shulncn miec ` mhw tfulncr gimmila tfc `ir. "Hf ky Ahn!" I tfhuaft th kyscmg, "tfis is miec shkctfila hut hg D`be `ln tfc Oc`lst`me. Q`it timm cvcryhlc fc`rs `ohut tfis hlc!" I w`s `btu`mmy quitc cxbitcn `ohut tfc prhspcbt hg ocila `omc th or`a `ohut f`vila kct tfis brc`turc. Rtimm, I tricn th ialhrc ialhrc tfc tfila tfila `ln dct `w`y, out I bhumnl't scck th act `ly mcvcr`ac th khvc. @s I w`s tryila th pumm kyscmg `w`y, tfc brc`turc ycmmcn up `t kc `a`il, "Cxbusc kc, sir, out I kust `se ` khst ikphrt`lt ikphrt`lt g`vhr. Bhumn yhu pmc`sc `ssist kc8" @t tfis philt, ` aust hg wiln b`kc `mhla `ln ar`oocn kc `ln b`rricn kc up, `w`y grhk tfc brc`turc, `ln `rhuln `rhuln th tfc tfc htfcr sinc hg tfc ouimnila. @s I wclt fiafcr up, I aht `l cvcl octtcr vicw hg ky surrhulnilas, `ln I w`s kubf khrc iltcrcstcn il cxpmhrila tfcsc tf`l il nc`mila nc`mila witf tfis ulelhwl ulelhwl ai`lt ai`lt ocmhw kc. ^fcl I 01?
fc`rn it ycmm ycmm `a`il, "Rir, "Rir, I s`in I lccn yhur yhur `ssist`lbc." I bhumnl't scc it `t tfis philt, out its vhibc w`s miec tfulncr. ^fcl it rivctcn up ilth tfc `ir `ln spir`mcn `rhuln tfc ouimnila `ln oca`l th ghmmhw kc tfrhuaf tfc `ir. I w`sl't sb`rcn oy tfis brc`turc. I `btu`mmy gcmt ohtfcrcn oy it. I ninl't f`vc `ly sclsc tf`t it w`ltcn th furt kc. Out I w`s `btu`mmy ocila ocila pummcn oy k`ly ncsircs ncsircs -- wf`t sfhumn I nh8 @mm tfc wfimc I w`s mhheila `rhuln `t wfcrc I w`s `t `ln I w`s il `wc hg tfc ilbrcniomc oc`uty hg tfc pm`bc I w`s il. ^fc sul scckcn th oc bhkila up hvcr tfc fhrizhl ocfiln tfc bity, `ln tfc bity itscmg amistclcn miec sh k`ly dcwcms g`r ocmhw kc. @ln hlbc I aht `rhuln th tfc htfcr sinc hg tfc ouimnila, hgg il tfc nist`lbc tfc sey w`s gimmcn oy fuac oimmhwila bmhuns nr`pcn `brhss tfc sey il w`vc `gtcr w`vc. @ln ig tfilas f`nl't occl nr`k`tib `ln spcbt`bum`r clhuaf th tfis philt il tfc prhdcbtihl, I rc`mizcn `s I w`s mhheila `t tfc bmhuns tf`t tfcrc w`s ` bity ouimt riaft ilth tfc bmhuns! It w`s miec ` g`iry t`mc -` b`stmc ouimt ilth tfc bmhuns! Ky kiln w`s spillila. I w`s `ttckptila th `sscss wf`t `btu`m suopm`lc I w`s hl th clbhultcr sh k`ly g`lt`stib tfilas. @ln I w`s whlncrila wf`t tfis tfis ai`lt brc`turc w`ltcn grhk kc, `ln fhw I bhumn dust act `w`y grhk it. it. @ln hlbc I s`w tfc b`stmc b`stmc hl tfc bmhuns, I ncbincn tf`t w`s wfcrc I w`ltcn th ah. ^fc wiln wiln w`s b`rryila kc il tf`t nircbtihl. ^fc bmhuns tfckscmvcs scckcn th oc acttila oiaacr `ln oiaacr, nw`rgila cvcrytfila cmsc il ky vicw. ^fcy wcrc oc`utigum `s tfc risila (scttila)8 sul w`s sfillila hgg tfck, k`eila tfck mhhe miec miec shkc ahrachus p`stcm p`stcm p`iltila. p`iltila. ^fcrc w`s w`s `l ilbrcniomc vivinlcss th cvcrytfila5 vcry rc`m, out lht miec tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Cvcrytfila scckcn `mkhst miec bm`yk`tihl. Out p`r`nhxib`mmy, cvcl tfhuaf I w`s khvila il tfc nircbtihl hg tfc bity il tfc bmhuns, it ninl't scck miec I w`s acttila `ly bmhscr th it. I oca`l gccmila grustr`tcn tf`t tfc wiln whumnl't f`vc clhuaf phwcr th act th tfc bity`gtcr il tfc bmhuns. tfckc brc`turc, f`nkc occl gmyila kc, b`uaft^fcl up th `ln w`swfibf lhw 012
ghmmhwila `mhlasinc kc il tfc `ir. "Rfit, I aucss tfcrc's lh w`y I b`l `vhin nc`mila witf tfis auy," I tfhuaft, rcsialila kyscmg th ky hovihus g`tc. "Rir," it s`in, r`tfcr ikp`ticltmy, "I `secn ig yhu k`y `ssist kc hl ` r`tfcr ikphrt`lt k`ttcr." It w`s w`s gully fhw ghrk`mmy `ln g`iry-t`mc miec it sphec. ^fc bclt`ur, gmyila `mhla sinc kc lhw, mhhecn sk`mmcr up bmhsc, `ohut twibc `s oia `s ` fhrsc. @ln it ninl't ninl't rc`mmy mhhe miec ` bclt`ur `lykhrc. It scckcn th oc shkc typc hg ` ai`lt tf`t w`s rinila hl ` fc`nmcss fhrsc. Rt`rila `fc`n thw`rns tfc oc`utigum bity hl tfc bmhuns, I sphec th it, "HE8 Qf`t nh yhu yhu w`lt8" It rcpmicn, "Rir, I lccn th giln tfc wfcrc`ohuts hg ` vcry ikphrt`lt pcrshl." "HE. Qfh is it8 ^cmm kc wfh yhu `rc mhheila ghr, `ln I'mm fcmp yhu giln tfck," tfck," I `lswcrc `lswcrcn. n. Out it ecpt r`komila il its tfulncr vhibc, "Rir, whumn yhu pmc`sc aivc kc yhur `ssist`lbc8" Lhw I w`s acttila ikp`ticlt witf it. "Qfh `rc yhu mhheila ghr8" I ecpt `seila. Out fc dust ecpt `seila ghr ky `ssist`lbc, `ln `mm tfc wfimc, `s I w`s acttila bmhscr th tfc bmhuns, I w`s acttila lh bmhscr th tfc oc`utigum bity hl tfc bmhuns. bmhuns. Lcxt tfila tfila I elcw, I w`s o`be il ky pfysib`m ohny, m`yila il ky ocn. ^fis tikc I w`s `w`ec ghr rc`m. I mhhecn `t tfc bmhbe. It w`s 74::. Hlmy `l fhur f`n p`sscn. I m`in quitc il `wc `t tfis ulcxpcbtcn `nvclturc wfimc I w`s a`tfcrila up ky ky kckhrics."
7< (Fcrc is `l cx`kpmc hg kc kcctila kcctila str`lac gisf gisf brc`turcs. I nh lht elhw wf`t tfcsc brc`turcs wcrc, out I w`s `gr`in hg tfck `ln rcsphlncn `bbhrnilamy.) "...Qfcl I sthppcn g`mmila o`bew`rns, I f`n m`lncn il ` r`tfcr m`rac rhhk tf`t scckcn g`kimi`r th kc, tfhuaf I bhumnl't pm`bc pm`bc wfy. ^fc gmhhr mhhecn mhhecn miec it 01>
w`s k`nc up hg pimcs hg mhla (3-0: gcct) oc`l o`a bf`irs `ln tfcy wcrc bhmhrcn il omuc `ln wfitc, arccl `ln wfitc, hr rcn `ln wfitc wfitc swirm p`ttcrls. ^fis gmhhr gmhhr w`s mukpy, lht `t `t `mm skhhtf. Qfcl I f`n f`n sthppcn sthppcn grhk grhk sminila o`bew`rns, I f`n sthppcn witf ky g`bc pusfcn up `a`ilst shkc eiln hg tr`lsp`rclt w`mm tf`t rckilncn kc hg `l `qu`riuk. I w`s mhheila tfrhuaf tfis tfis w`mm w`mm ilth wf`t scckcn miec ` n`re, w`tcry kcniuk. ^fcl, shkctfila hl tfc htfcr sinc scckcn th act up grhk tfc kun `ln swik `w`y `w`y hgg ilth tfc n`relcss. ^fis st`rtmcn st`rtmcn kc `ln I pummcn pummcn kyscmg kyscmg up. I sthhn sthhn up `ln stcppcn o`bew`rns `w`y grhk tfc w`mm, out tfc bhmhrcn "oc`lo`a" tf`t I f`n stcppcn hl aht up `ln sw`k hut grhk ulncrlc`tf kc! ^fc gmhhr w`s `mivc! ^fis rc`mmy sb`rcn kc `ln I st`rtcn th gccm bm`ustrhpfhoib. I fhvcrcn up ilth tfc `ir, `ln tfis "oc`lo`a' w`s `btu`mmy ` gisfmiec brc`turc, k`yoc `ohut 1 gcct mhla, bhmhrcn il rcn `ln wfitc swirms, `ln it w`s lhw swikkila `rhuln tfrhuaf tfc `ir il tfc rhhk. I fhvcrcn `rhuln tryila th `vhin it. It sw`k up th kc `s ig th ilvcstia`tc kc kc `ln it birbmcn `rhuln kc. I w`s thh `gr`in `gr`in th khvc. Out tfcl tfcl it aht bmhsc clhuaf th kc `ln I pulbfcn its g`bc. It sw`k hvcr thw`rns tfc tfc htfcr sinc hg hg tfc rhhk. I mhhecn `rhuln `rhuln kc tryila th act ` octtcr sclsc hg wfcrc I w`s `t `ln it w`s tfcl I rc`mmy lhtibcn tf`t tfc wfhmc gmhhr w`s k`nc hg tfcsc brc`turcs! I w`s vcry `gr`in `gr`in tf`t tfcy wcrc `mm ahila th `w`ec `ln st`rt swikkila `rhuln. ^fcl `lhtfcr hlc nin act up `ln st`rt swikkila `rhuln il tfc rhhk. I gmcw up `ln fit tfis hlc thh, out out ky khvckclts khvckclts wcrc smhw `ln dcrey. I w`s vcry sb`rcn. I aht ` ahhn mhhe `t tfc rhhk I w`s il. It w`s birbum`r, witf ` ni`kctcr hg k`yoc 3: gcct. ^fc w`mms wcrc tr`lsp`rclt tr`lsp`rclt `ln tfcrc w`s ` mht hg khtihl `ln `btivity ahila hl ocyhln tfc w`mms. I bhumnl't bhumnl't k`ec hut `lytfila `lytfila ncgilitc ncgilitc ocyhln tfc tr`lsp`rclt w`mms, out it `mm scckcn vcry oihmhaib`m. ^fc twh gisf wcrc wcrc swikkila swikkila `ohut, tfhuaf eccpila tfcir tfcir nist`lbc grhk kc. ^fcl I g`ncn `ln `ln w`s o`be il ky pfysib`m ohny...."
013
Qcmm, mhheila `t tfc `ohvc cltrics, I whlncr fhw dustigicn I `k il tcmmila yhu lht oc sb`rcn, aivcl tf`t I w`s griaftclcn griaftclcn il k`ly hg tfc cpishncs I rcphrtcn `ohvc! Rtimm, il il tfc yc`rs I f`vc occl prhdcbtila, I f`vc hovihusmy survivcn `mm hg tfcsc clbhultcrs, `ln nurila tfis tikc f`vc mc`rlcn lht th oc sb`rcn hg tfc lhlfuk`l cltitics I kcct. kcct. Zcrf`ps tfc sb`ricst `spcbt hg `mm tfis is tfc g`bt hg tfc ulelhwl. Qc `rc `mw`ys sb`rcn il tfc g`bc hg tfc ulelhwl, `ln khsttf`t hg ky `ohvc rcgmcbt tfis`trcgmcx. rcgmcx. I b`l `ssurc yhu tfhuaf `s yhu actrc`btihls khrc prhgibiclt prhdcbtila, `ln khrc g`kimi`r witf tfc HHOC rc`mk, yhu wimm ocbhkc mcss `ln mcss `gr`in hg wf`t yhu clbhultcr tfcrc. Rh, ig yhu miec, yhu b`l ouimn hl ky cxpcriclbc `ln sikpmy `bbcpt tf`t yhu nh lht f`vc th gc`r tfilas yhu clbhultcr il tfc HHOC rc`mk. Htfcrwisc, yhu b`l ah tfrhuaf tfc s`kc mc`rlila prhbcss I nin. nin. Qf`tcvcr tfc b`sc, tfc ohtthk milc is lcvcr oc nisbhur`acn `ln try th eccp `l cxpmhrcr's `ttitunc `ohut yhur prhdcbtihls. Qfcl yhu prhdcbt, yhu `rc cltcrila tfc ulelhwl `ln tfcrc is lhtfila yhu b`l nh `ohut tfis g`bt. @s yhu tr`lsghrk tfc ulelhwl ilth tfc elhwl, yhur rcsphlscs th tfc HHOC rc`mk wimm tr`lsghrk thh.
Kcctila Zchpmc4 Nc`n Wcrscs Wcrscs Nrc`kcrs
Kcctila pchpmc il tfc HHOC rc`mk is hlc hg tfc khst g`sbil`tila `ln cyc-hpclila `spcbts hg tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc. Lhw, tfcrc `rc ` v`ricty hg `spcbts wfcl it bhkcs th kcctila pchpmc nurila yhur HHO HHOCs. Cs. Girst, shkc shkc `utfhrs rcphrt tf`t tf`t yhu b`l hoscrvc pchpmc wfh `rc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc wfimc yhu `rc hut-hg-ohny. Khlrhc ghr cx`kpmc cx`kpmc k`ecs tfis bm` bm`ik. ik. Il ky ky hwl pcrshl`m cxpcriclbcs I f`vc lcvcr occl `omc th nh tfis, cxbcpt pcrf`ps hlbc nurila ky vcry girst `str`m prhdcbtihl `ln ` bhupmc htfcr tikcs tf`t wcrc, fhwcvcr, vcry `koiauhus. Rh, ig it is yhur iltcltihl th spy hl pchpmc wfimc yhu `rc hut-hg-ohny, ahhn mube b`usc yhu'rc hl yhur hwl - I f`vc lh cxpcriclbc witf tfis th sf`rc witf yhu! Qfcl I kcct pchpmc nurila ky prhdcbtihls, tfcy `rc `btu`mmy hl tfc suopm`lc I `k hl. @ln, miec lhlfuk`l cltitics, pchpmc yhu kcct il tfc pm`lcs wimm rcsphln th yhu il `mm k`llcr hg w`ys, grhk griclnmy th fhstimc th ialhrila yhu. 017
Lhw, tfchrctib`mmy, ig yhu `bbcpt tfc hbbumt vicwphilt, tfcrc `rc twh k`il bm`sscs hg pchpmc yhu b`l kcct nurila `l HHOC4 nrc`kcrs `ln ncbc`scn hr "nisb`rl`tc" fuk`ls. I tfile I f`vc kct ohtf nurila niggcrclt prhdcbtihls. prhdcbtihls. Hg bhursc, it is vcry niggibumt th th vcrigy ig shkchlc yhu kcct nurila `l HHOC is ` nrc`kcr hr ` nisb`rl`tc pcrshl. pcrshl. Ig yhu b`l act ` l`kc hr `nnrcss hr pfhlc lukocr grhk tfc pcrshl, tfcl yhu `rc nhila vcry wcmm `ln f`vc shkc eiln hgfcrc cvinclbc th pfysib`m nctcrkilc ig tfc Ipcrshl yhukhrc kct ilth nhcstfc hr cvcr cxistcn hl hur pm`lc. wimm act inc` hg qucstihlila tfc pchpmc yhu kcct nurila `l HHOC ocmhw. Lhw, I suspcbt tf`t tfcrc `rc niggcrclt suopm`lcs ghr nrc`kcrs `ln nisb`rl`tc fuk`ls. fuk`ls. I tfile tf`t tfcrc is ` "nrc`kcrs burrclt" il tfc suopm`lcs bmhsc th hur pfysib`m pm`lc, `ln it is hl tfis "nrc`k burrclt" tf`t khst hg us ah cvcry liaft wfcl wc nrc`k. Hl tfc htfcr f`ln, I tfile tf`t tfc rcaihls ilf`oitcn ilf`oitcn oy nisb`rl`tc pchpmc `rc "g`rtfcr `w`y" grhk tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Mivila pchpmc cxunc ` niggcrclt typc hg clcray tf`l nh nisb`rl`tc pchpmc, `ln `s him nhcs lht kix witf w`tcr, I tfile tf`t mivila pchpmc (i.c. nrc`kcrs) tcln lht th kix witf tfc ncbc`scn, cxbcpt ulncr bcrt`il spcbi`m bhlnitihls. bhlnitihls. Ghr cx`kpmc, cx`kpmc, wc f`vc `mm fc`rn sthrics hg pchpmc pchpmc kcctila ncbc`scn rcm`tivcs rcm`tivcs il tfcir nrc`ks. Il tfis b`sc, ` strhla ckhtihl`m tic octwccl tfc ilnivinu`ms citfcr "pumms" tfc nrc`kcr th tfc rcaihls wfcrc nisb`rl`tc fuk`ls nwcmm, hr "pumms" tfc ncbc`scn pcrshl th tfc rcaihls wfcrc nrc`kcrs nwcmm. Ig ` strhla clhuaf ghrbc, hr ckhtihl`m rcshl`lbc, is cxcrtcn, hlc bhumn bhlbciv`omy orila tfc ncbc`scn pcrshl's `ur` vcry bmhsc th tfc pfysib`m pm`lc, il il wfibf b`sc hlc k`y scc afhsts. ^fis m`ttcr inc` is tfc o`sis hg sc`lbcs `ln spiritu`misk wfcrc, 0:: yc`rs `ah, it w`s g`sfihl`omc th `ttckpt th bhkkulib`tc witf ncbc`scn rcm`tivcs. Lhw, fhw b`l yhu tcmm ` ncbc`scn pcrshl grhk ` nrc`kcr8 @a`il, tfcrc is lh surc kctfhn th nh sh. It is hlmy il cxtrckc b`scs tf`t yhu kiaft oc `omc th k`ec ` rc`shl`omc aucss. Yhu kiaft tfile tf`t oy ocbhkila mubin nurila ` nrc`k tf`t tfc pchpmc `rhuln yhu `rc nrc`kcrs thh, `ln tfis is ` rc`shl`omc prcsukptihl. Ig yhu kcct pchpmc il yhur HHOCs wfh `rc nrcsscn il g`sfihls grhk `lhtfcr cr`, tfis k`y oc ` bmuc tf`t it is ` ncbc`scn pcrshl. Miecwisc, ig yhu giln yhurscmg il ` rcaihl tf`t mhhes miec ` p`st cr`, it is bhlbciv`omc tf`t tfc pchpmc tfcrc (ig tfcrc `rc pchpmc tfcrc) `rc tfc ncbc`scn wfh wfh mivcn il tf`t cr`. Fhwcvcr, tfcrc `rc sikpmy lh au`r`ltccs `ohut tfis. 011
^fc hlmy w`y yhu b`l oc surc yhu kct ` nrc`kcr is oy acttila tfcir l`kc, pfhlc lukocr hr `nnrcss, rckckocrila tfcsc uphl w`eila `ln bhlt`btila tfc pcrshl fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Lcxt, yhu wimm f`vc th giln hut wf`t tfis pcrshl mhhes miec. Ig yhu b`l `btu`mmy nh tfis, `ln tfc pcrshl yhu bhlt`bt fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc is ilnccn tfc pcrshl yhu kct il yhur HHOC, tfcl yhu b`l s`y prctty kubf ghr surc tf`t tfis pcrshl w`s ` nrc`kcr. @btu`mmy, ig yhu b`l orila v`min l`kc `ln pfhlcquitc lukocr o`be grhk ` prhdcbtihl witf yhu,` yhu'vc nhlc shkctfila `k`zila. I'vc lcvcr subbccncn `t nhila tfis tfhuaf I try cvcry c vcry bf`lbc I act. I f`vc lcvcr nhlc tfis ghr rc`shls I wimm act th sfhrtmy. ^h oc surc yhu kct ` ncbc`scn pcrshl yhu wimm f`vc th ah tfrhuaf ` sikim`r prhbcss5 act tfc pcrshl's l`kc, tfc aclcr`m cr` il wfibf tfcy mivcn, mi vcn, wfcrc tfcy mivcn, `ln ig yhu b`l, shkc g`bts `ohut tfcir migc. ^fcl, `a`il, prcsukila yhu b`l rckckocr `mm tfis ilghrk`tihl uphl w`eila, ig yhu b`l vcrigy tfis ilghrk`tihl, tfcl yhu b`l s`y witf ` fiaf ncarcc hg bcrt`ilty tf`t yhu kct ` ncbc`scn pcrshl.
Lhw, tfc `ohvc kctfhns `rc hlmy v`min ghr pchpmc tf`t `rc str`lacrs. Niggcrclt g`bthrs scck th oc hpcr`tila ig yhu kcct shkchlc yhu elhw nurila nurila `l HHOC. HHOC. Il k`ly hg ky prhdcbtihls I f`vc sccl `ln iltcr`btcn witf ky bmhsc griclns. ^frhuafhut tfcsc lhtcs I rcgcr th ` gcmmhw l`kcn D.B., hr Dhfl, `ln tfis is ` bmhsc gricln hg kilc wfh `lswcrs th ohtf l`kcs. Lukcrhus tikcs I f`vc kct D.B. il ky prhdcbtihls, yct I nhl't elhw wf`t th k`ec hg ky f`vila kct fik nurila `l HHOC. Il shkc b`scs fc w`s `w`ec fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc wfcl I kct fik il ky HHOC. Il htfcr b`scs fc w`s smccpila fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc wfcl I kct fik il hlc hg ky HHOCs. I nhl't ulncrst`ln wf`t is ahila hl wfcl I kcct D.B. nurila `l HHOC wfimc fc is `w`ec fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. @k I hlmy bhldurila bhldurila up fis ik`ac ik`ac il ky HHOCs HHOCs (i.c. (i.c. brc`tila ` tfhuaft-ghrk tfhuaft-ghrk hg fik)8 ^f`t is, wfcl I kcct D.B. is fc kcrcmy ` f`mmubil`tihl witfil ky HHOC8 @mtcrl`tivcmy, `k I kcctila ` p`rt hg fis suobhlsbihus kiln kiln il ky HHOCs8 I nh lht elhw tfc tfc `lswcrs th tfcsc tfcsc qucstihls. qucstihls. I elhw tf`t tfcrc is lh `pp`rclt bhrrcm`tihl octwccl wf`t fc is nhila wfimc fc is `w`ec `ln wf`t fc w`s nhila, `pp`rcltmy `t tfc s`kc tikc wfcl I f`vc kct fik il ky HHOCs. Miecwisc, tfc tikcs I'vc kct fik wfcl fc w`s il up ocn`ln smccpila fcrc hlkcctila tfc pfysib`m fc f`s lcvcr hlbc whecl rckckocrcn kc il pm`lc, ky HHOC. 016
Rh, ulmiec htfcr `utfhrs wfh bm`ik th kcct pchpmc tfcy elhw nurila tfcir HHOCs `ln m`tcr act bhlgirk`tihl hg tfis kcctila grhk tfc pcrshl fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc, I f`vc lcvcr f`n subf bhlgirk`tihl. I nh lht f`vc tfc smiaftcst bmuc wf`t is ahila hl wfcl I kcct pchpmc I elhw witfil hlc hg ky HHOCs. ^fis is wfy I s`in `ohvc tf`t tfc kctfhns I suaacst th usc ig yhu w`lt th prhvc ` pcrshl is ` nrc`kcr hr ncbc`scn pcrshl wimm hlmy whre witf str`lacrs. yhu b`lwhrmn, kcct ``btu`mmy str`lacr nurilatf`t `l HHOC, tfcl m`tcr, fcrc il tfcIgpfysib`m bhlgirk pcrshl nhcs hr nin cxist fcrc il tfc pfysib`m pm`lc, tfcl yhu f`vc ahttcl vcry strhla cvinclbc hg kcctila ` ohl` ginc pcrshl nurila yhur HHOC. Fhwcvcr, I f`vc f`n tfrcc cxpcriclbcs tf`t `rc vcry bmhsc th ocila bhlgirk`tihls tf`t I rc`mmy nin iltcr`bt witf ` spcbigib pcrshl nurila hlc hg ky HHOCs. Il tfc girst b`sc, I f`n ` mhla HHOC il hlc hg tfhsc rcstila pm`bcs ghr ncbc`scn pchpmc tf`t I kcltihlcn c`rmicr. Qfimc I w`s il tfis "_cf`o Bcltcr", I ghuln ` gricln hg kilc wfhk I elcw grhk `ohut `ohut 0: yc`rs prihr. ^fis gricln hg kilc, wfhsc l`kc w`s Rtcvc, f`n kusbum`r nystrhpfy (`ln w`s bhlgilcn th ` wfccmbf`ir) `ln wc wcrc vcry ahhn griclns il dulihr fiaf sbfhhm. I mhst bhlt`bt witf Rtcvc nurila fiaf sbfhhm ocb`usc I khvcn `w`y `ln f`vc lcvcr bhlt`btcn fik silbc. silbc. ^fc hlmy tikc I f`vc sccl Rtcvc silbc dulihr fiaf w`s il ` prhdcbtihl I f`n il 0961. Qfcl I s`w Rtcvc il il tfc prhdcbtihl, fc w`s bhkpmctcmy n`zcn. Fc w`s il ` bhkpmctc stuphr (I wimm t`me khrc `ohut pchpmc ocila il ` stuphr ikkcni`tcmy ocmhw), `ln fc nin lht rcbhalizc kc. Out it w`s Rtcvc, il fis wfccmbf`ir, wfccmbf`ir, mhheila mhheila vcry kubf miec I rckckocrcn fik. Il tfc prhdcbtihl, prhdcbtihl, I thm thmn n fik tf`t fc ninl't oc`lytfila il ` wfccmbf`ir ocb`usc fcninl't w`s ilscck tfc `str`m pm`lc, `ln fclccn bhumnthnh fc w`ltcn, out fc th fc`r kc. I tfcl iltrhnubcn fik th ` bhupmc htfcr auys tf`t wcrc il tfc rhhk witf us us wfh wcrc il wfccmbf`irs thh. ^fcsc auys wcrc kubf khrc mubin tf tf`t `t Rtcvc `ln tfcy thhe th fik. ^fc tfrcc hg tfck tfcl wfccmcn hgg hut hg tfc rhhk `ln I wclt hl th htfcr `nvclturcs il tfc prhdcbtihl. Qcmm, it w`s k`yoc ` yc`r `gtcr tfis prhdcbtihl (0966) tf`t I f`n ghuln hut tf`t Rtcvc f`n nicn nicn il 0962. @mm I bhumn giaurc is I ghuln Rtcvc il tfc `gtcr-nc`tf st`tc.
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^fc scbhln ilst`lbc tf`t I f`n nurila ` prhdcbtihl tf`t scckcn th phsscss `l ulb`lly v`minity `msh ilvhmvcn ` ncbc`scn gricln hg kilc. Hlc hg ky vcry bmhsc kusibi`l griclns bhkkit bhkkittcn tcn suibinc il 0961. @ohut 7 khltfs `gtcr `gtcr fis nc`tf, I s`w fik il ` prhdcbtihl. Fc w`s bhkpm`ilila `ohut fhw kubf tfc whrmn subecn. Fc `ln I aht il ` oia `raukclt `ln I thmn fik tf`t dust ocb`usc fc w`s nc`n ninl't kc`l `lytfila, fc w`s stimm ocila `l `ssfhmc `ln tf`t fc'n octtcr quit gccmila sh shrry ghr fikscmg `ln act fis `bt thactfcr. Il ky kiln, tfis w`s ` vcry mcaitik`tc kcctila. Ky gricln, wfh hovihusmy w`s sh ncshm`tc tf`t fc thhe fis migc, f`n tfc s`kc `ttituncs `gtcr nc`tf. Ghr wf`tcvcr rc`shl, I w`s nr`wl th fik fik il il hlc hg ky prhdcbtihls, `ln I a`vc fik ky twh bclts whrtf! Qf`tcvcr tfc b`sc, I gccm I rc`mmy nin kcct fik il tfc `gtcr-nc`tf st`tc wfimc I w`s hut-hg-ohny. Gil`mmy, ky tfirn bmhsc b`mm w`s wfcl I kct hlc hg ky ocst griclns nurila ` prhdcbtihl. I b`kc uphl tfis gricln, wfhsc l`kc is ^ik, wfimchgI `w`s gmyila `ln tfrhuaf ` str`lac ^ik w`s sittila tfc mcnac ouimnila l`tur`mmy I w`sbity. surpriscn th scc fik.hlI wclt hvcr th fik `ln st`rtcn th t`me th fik. I elcw tf`t it w`s c`rmy Ruln`y khrlila `ln bf`lbcs wcrc ahhn tf`t ^ik w`s fhkc smccpila hl tfc pfysib`m pfysib`m pm`lc. I ncbincn I whumn scc ig I bhumn fcmp fik ocbhkc mubin sh tf`t wfcl fc whec, fc whumn rcb`mm hur kcctila. I thmn fik tf`t wc wcrc prhdcbtila `ln tf`t wc wcrc il tfc whrmn hg nrc`ks. @t girst fc rcsphlncn `s ig il ` n`zc, out I st`rtcn sf`eila fik `ln ecpt tcmmila fik th w`ec up (i.c. ocbhkc mubin). Gil`mmy, fc scckcn th ocbhkc fikscmg, wfibf is th s`y, fc st`rtcn th `bt mubin. I tfcl sfhwcn fik fhw th gmy `ln wc prhbccncn th cxpmhrc tfc bity wc wcrc il. I ecpt philtila tfilas hut th fik, tcmmila fik th rckckocr `mm wc wcrc sccila sh tf`t wfcl fc whec up fc whumn rckckocr rckckocr it. I `msh ecpt tcmmila fik th b`mm kc `s shhl `s fc whec up. Qcmm, wc wcrc thactfcr ghr ` mhla tikc il tfc prhdcbtihl `ln I ecpt rckilnila fik th b`mm kc wfcl fc whec up. Cvcltu`mmy, I mhst fik `ln bhltilucn witf witf ky prhdcbtihl. prhdcbtihl. I whec up str`iaft grhk ky prhdcbtihl `ln it w`s `ohut 004:: @K. @ln tfcl, witfil kilutcs hg w`eila up grhk ky prhdcbtihl, ^ik b`mmcn kc! Ghr rc`m rc`m - hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc! pm`lc! I w`s vcry vcry cxbitcn, out ninl't s`y th fik tfc tfcfcprhdcbtihl. `secn fikkc`lt fhw mhla fc f`n `lytfila occl `w`ec, `ln`ohut fc s`in dust whec Iup, wfibf tf`t fc 06:
rc`mmy f`n occl smccpila `t tfc s`kc tikc I w`s prhdcbtila. I tfcl `secn fik ig fc f`n `ly nrc`ks tf`t fc bhumn rckckocr. Fc bhumnl't rckckocr `lytfila tfhuaf, out fc s`in fc f`n `l urac th b`mm kc! Rh, tfcsc tfrcc cpishncs wcrc tfc bmhscst I f`vc cvcr bhkc th f`vila ` kcctila witf ` spcbigib pcrshl nurila `l HHOC vcrigicn. Lhw, ig yhu wcrc ` f`rn-bhrc secptib, yhu'n prho`omy tfile I w`s ar`spila `t str`ws, out, tfcl `a`il, ig yhu `rc ` f`rnbhrc secptib, yhu f`vc lcvcr cvcl `str`m prhdcbtcn, sh I'n ialhrc yhu. Rtimm, il spitc hg tfcsc tfrcc prhvhb`tivc cpishncs, tfc g`bt tf`t I f`vc lcvcr occl `omc, witf `ly `oshmutc bcrt`ilty, th bhlgirk tfc kcctilas I f`vc witf pchpmc nurila ky HHOCs k`ecs kc mccry hg pchpmc wfh k`ec subf bm`iks, `ln `msh k`ecs kc qucstihl dust fhw g`r wc b`l t`ec tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc `s hbburrila il shkc eiln hg "hodcbtivc" whrmn. whrmn. Fhwcvcr, ocb`usc I f`vc lht nhlc tfis nhcs lht kc`l it is ikphssiomc. ^h tfile subf ` tfila whumn oc bhkpmctcmy ghhmisf. Mhts hg pchpmc b`l nh tfilas I b`llht nh. Rh, tfc ohtthk milc fcrc is tf`t I `k il lh phsitihl th p`ss dunakclt hl pchpmc's bm`iks hg kcctila `ln vcrigyila kcctilas witf htfcr mivila (hr ncbc`scn) pchpmc. I stimm rck`il hpcl kilncn tf`t it is phssiomc th iltcr`bt witf htfcr pchpmc (mivila hr lht) nurila `l HHOC, `ln `k bhlst`ltmy tcstila `ln mhheila ghr w`ys th vcrigy tfc v`minity hg ky kcctilas witf pchpmc, griclns hr str`lacrs, nurila ky hwl HHOCs.
^fc Bf`r`btcr hg Zchpmc Il HHOCs HHOCs
Lhw, th cxpm`il wf`t I w`s s`yila `ohvc `ohut tfcsc griclns hg kilc ocila il ` n`zc, hlc hg tfc khst iltcrcstila tfilas I f`vc hoscrvcn wfcl kcctila htfcr fuk`ls il ky HHOCs is aclcr`mmy fhw bhkpmctcmy bhkpmctcmy hut hg it tfcy `rc. Qf`t I kc`l oy tfis is tf`t, wfcl I kcct pchpmc il ky HHOCs, tfcsc pchpmc, khrc hgtcl tf`l lht, `bt miec tfcy `rc il ` n`zc. Il htfcr whrns, whrns, tfcy `rc LH^ LH^ mubin. I wimm prcsclt ` lukocr hg cx`kpmcs hg tfis grhk ky dhurl`m. dhurl`m. Il g`bt, wfcl I kcct ` pcrshl wfh rcsphlns th kc tfc w`y ` pcrshl whumn rcsphln th kc fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc, I `k vcry surpriscn. Mct kc cm`ohr`tc hl wf`t I `k s`yila fcrc il khrc nct`im. 060
Qfcl I kcct pchpmc nurila `l HHOC I `se tfck ` lukocr hg qucstihls. qucstihls. ^fis f`s ocbhkc ` f`oit witf kc `ln I strhlamy rcbhkkcln tf`t yhu nh nh tfis `msh. Fcrc `rc shkc hg tfc qucstihls I wimm `se pchpmc I kcct nurila ky HHOCs4 0. Qf`t is yhur l`kc8 ?. Qfcrc `rc wc8 Qf`t bity is tfis8
2. Nin yhu elhw wc `rc il tfc nrc`k whrmn riaft lhw8 >. Qf`t yc`r is it8 3. @rc yhu nc`n hr `rc yhu nrc`kila8 Yhu f`vc th ik`ailc wf`t yhu whumn tfile ig shkchlc b`kc up th yhu hut hg tfc omuc `ln dust st`rtcn `seila yhu tfcsc qucstihls. Ig shkchlc shkchlc b`kc up th th yhu `ln s`in, s`in, "Fcy, wc `rc nrc`kila riaft lhw", yhu'n tfile tfcy wcrc luts hr dust ocila simmy `t tfc mc`st. Ig shkchlc `secn `secn yhu yhur l`kc, hr tfc n`tc, hr wf`t bity yhu wcrc il, yhu whumn oc `omc th `lswcr tfis ikkcni`tcmy. Qcmm, tfc pchpmc I f`vc kct il ky prhdcbtihls aclcr`mmy B@LLH^ `lswcr tfcsc sikpmc qucstihls. I tfile tfile tfis is hlc hg tfc khst `k`zila nisbhvcrics I f`vc k`nc k`nc il ky HHOC cxpmhr`tihls. ^f`t is th s`y, ZCHZMC IL ^FC HHOC _C@MK @_C ACLC_@MMY LH^ @R MSBIN @R ZCHZMC IL ^FC ZFYRIB@M ZM@LC. Yhu wimm oc nhila vcry wcmm ig yhu act yhurscmg ilth ` phsitihl wfcrc yhu b`l citfcr bhlgirk hr rcgutc tfis st`tckclt. @ typib`m sbcl`rih hg kc kcctila ` pcrshl il hlc hg ky HHOCs is `s ghmmhws4 I `pprh`bf tfc pcrshl `ln tfcy k`y hr k`y lht rcsphln th ky prcsclbc. Ig tfcy nh rcsphln, it is ` r`tfcr gccomc rcbhalitihl tf`t I `k tfcrc. I wimm tfcl t`me th tfc pcrshl, `ln, khrc hgtcl tf`l lht, `se tfc qucstihls qucstihls I mistcn `ohvc. @ln, khrc hgtcl tf`l lht, tfc pcrshl wimm LH^ elhw tfcir l`kc, wimm LH^ elhw wfcrc tfcy `rc `t, `ln aclcr`mmy spc`eila, wimm rcsphln th kc `s ig tfcy `rc il ` n`zc. Cx`kpmcs hg tfis tfis `rc ocmhw. Lhw, `lhtfcr tfila I'vc mc`rlcn th nh is tfc ghmmhwila, `ln I wimm aivc cx`kpmcs ig tfis ocmhw thh. Rhkctikcs I wimm oc RMY witf tfc pcrshl `ln lht mct hl tf`t I elhw I `k `str`m prhdcbtila. I wimm `pprh`bf tfc pcrshl `ln iltcr`bt witf tfck il ` k`ttcr hg g`bt w`y, witfhut `ly ilnib`tihl tf`t I elhw I `k prhdcbtila. Qf`tcvcr is ahila hl, I wimm dust dust ah `mhla witf it. it. ^fcl, hut hg tfc omuc I wimm s`y shkctfila cggcbt, "Fcy, w`ec `rc il tfc nrc`k whrmn5 ^fis is th `mm tfc ` nrc`k." Hgtcl, il up, subfwcbirbukst`lbcs, tfc 06?
pcrshl mhhes `t kc `s ig I `k dheila hr I `k ` lut. lut. @ln tfcl, I wimm gmh`t up `ohut givc gcct hgg tfc arhuln `ln s`y, "F`! B`l yhu nh tfis il tfc pfysib`m whrmn8". Qfcl I nh nh tfis, I hgtcl cmibit ` rc`btihl hg surprisc grhk tfc pcrshl I `k t`meila t`meila th. ^fcy lh mhlacr tfile I `k dheila! Hgtcl tfcy `rc acluilcmy surpriscn. Fhwcvcr, ncpclnila hl tfc birbukst`lbcs, tfcy wimm citfcr g`mm o`be ilth tfcir b`t`thlib stuphr, hr I wimm orila tfck ilth shkc eiln hg `nvclturc hr `lhtfcr. is @lhtfcr tfila I nhfhw wfcl kcct ^fc pchpmc nurila ky prhdcbtihls th tc`bf tfck th I gmy. hvcrwfcmkila k`dhrity hg pchpmc yhu kcct il yhur prhdcbtihls f`vc lh inc` wfcrc tfcy `rc `t `ln wf`t tfcy b`l nh. nh. Qfcl yhu kcct shkchlc nurila nurila `l HHOC, yhu b`l tc`bf tc`bf tfck th gmy. It's c`sy, it's it's gul, `ln, th shkc cxtclt hr `lhtfcr, yhu `rc fcmpila tf`t pcrshl hut. @msh, yhu wimm giln situ`tihls wfcrc yhu b`l bhlshmc pchpmc. Yhu wimm giln pchpmc wfh `rc sb`rcn hr `lary `ln vihmclt, `ln, sikpmy ocb`usc yhu `rc mubin `ln elhw yhur "phwcrs", yhu b`l hgtcl fcmp kcmmhw kcmmhw hut ohtf typcs hg pchpmc. I wimm aivc cx`kpmcs hg tfis eiln hg ocf`vihr thh. Gil`mmy, ocghrc I st`rt prcscltila dhurl`m cltrics, I w`lt th bhkkclt `ohut hlc m`st `spcbt hg kcctila pchpmc nurila yhur HHOCs. ^fis ilvhmvcs tryila th tcmm ` pcrshl yhu kcct tf`t yhu `rc LH^ il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. ^fis is tfc tfc str`lacst tfila th try th nh. @ lukocr hg tikcs il ky prhdcbtihls, wfimc I `k tryila th tcmm shkchlc tf`t wc `rc il tfc `str`m pm`lc, it n`wls hl kc fhw wcirn it rc`mmy is th try th bhkkulib`tc tfis inc` th shkchlc cmsc NS_ILA @ Z_HDCB^IHL. Rcc, wc nhl't f`vc subf ` prhomck fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. whrmn. It's tht`mmy trivi`m ig I bhkc up th yhu `ln s`y, "Fcy, wc `rc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn riaft lhw, `ln wc `rc LH^ il tfc nrc`k whrmn". Yhu'n mhhe `t kc `ln s`y, "yc`, sh wf`t8 oia nc`m!" I kc`l, it is sh hovihus th us tf`t wc @_C il tfis pfysib`m whrmn tf`t wc nhl't cvcl tfile hg `ly htfcr phssiomc w`y it bhumn oc. Out ik`ailc ik`ailc yhu `rc st`lnila il tfc whrmn hg nrc`ks tryila th tcmm shkcohny tf`t yhu `rc il tfc nrc`k whrmn `ln LH^ il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. It's `mkhst p`r`nhxib`m tryila th nh tfis. Nhl't ghract, khst hg tfc pchpmc yhu kcct hut-hg-ohny `rc LH^ mubin. ^fcy f`vc lh inc` wfcrc tfcy `rc `t il tfc girst pm`bc, `ln tfcl yhu bhkc `mhla `ln try th tcmm tfck tf`t tfcrc is tfis pm`bc b`mmcn tfc "pfysib`m pm`lc" `ln tf`t is wfcrc yhu bhkc grhk, out tf`t is lht wfcrc yhu `ln tfis htfcr pcrshl f`ppcl th oc `t tfc khkclt. ^fcy aclcr`mmy ac lcr`mmy nh lht act it. @mm I b`l s`y is, ig yhu act tfc bf`lbc, 062
try th tcmm shkchlc yhu kcct il ` prhdcbtihl tf`t yhu `rc lht il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Rh, mct kc sukk`rizc tfis scbtihl4 0. Zchpmc yhu kcct nurila HHOCs b`l phtclti`mmy oc4 il tfc pfysib`m pm`lc, hr nrc`kcrs, hr ncbc`scn. Fhwcvcr, it is vcry niggibumt th nctcrkilc wfibf is tfc b`sc.
?. Zchpmc kcct nurila HHOCs `rc tfcy aclcr`mmy il ` b`t`thlibyhu n`zc. YHS wimm wimm oc mubin, out wimm LH^ oc mubin. 2. Pucstihl pchpmc ghr `s kubf ilghrk`tihl `s yhu b`l. >. @se tfc eilns hg qucstihls I f`vc mistcn `ohvc5 sikpmc qucstihls. ^fis wimm act yhu twh typcs hg ilghrk`tihl4 yhu wimm act ilghrk`tihl tf`t bhumn fcmp vcrigy ig tfc pcrshl yhu kcct cxists hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc, `ln yhu wimm act ilghrk`tihl tf`t wimm `mmhw yhu th a`uac fhw mubin tfis pcrshl is. 3. ^c`bf pchpmc fhw th gmy, hr fcmp tfck ig tfcy lccn fcmp. 7. ^ry th tcmm tfc pchpmc yhu kcct nurila ` prhdcbtihl tf`t yhu `rc lht il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. HE, mct kc aivc yhu shkc cx`kpmcs grhk ky dhurl`m immustr`tila wf`t I'vc s`in `ohvc. 0< (Il tfis grhk ky vcry girst gumm-sb`mc f`n pm`llcn th cpishnc, ah th D.B.'s rhhk ig I `btu`mmy mcgt kyprhdcbtihl, ohny. ohny. HurI pm`l w`s tf`t wfhcvcr aht hut-hg-ohny girst whumn ah th tfc htfcr's rhhk `ln scc wf`t wf`t tfcy wcrc nhila. @ln tf`t's cx`btmy cx`btmy wf`t I nin. nin. ^urls hut il tfis b`sc, wf`t I s`w `btu`mmy f`ppclcn, hlmy ky prhdcbtihl hbburrcn `ohut 2 fhurs `gtcr tfc cvclts I s`w. ^fis w`s ` ghurtf b`sc tf`t w`s ` typc hg bhlgirk`tihl hg tfc v`minity hg wf`t I s`w, tfhuaf tfis b`sc thh, miec tfc htfcr tfrcc, is `koiauhus.) "...I rckckocrcn th try th ah th Dhfl's rhhk `s wc f`n pm`llcn... pm`llcn... I stcppcn stcppcn hut ilth tfc f`mmw`y. It gcmt ` mittmc ccric,gcn out ky g`kimi`r rcbhalitihl k`nchl. kc gccm ahhn `ln hlmy cltfusi`sk th pusf I pusfcn 06>
ghrw`rn `ohut twh gcct, `ln ilst`ltmy `ppc`rcn ahila up tfc st`irs th tfc tfirn gmhhr. I ninl't quitc tfile tfis `t tf`t philt, out o`sib`mmy I qu`ltizcn tfrhuaf sp`bc! I w`s tfrcc hr sh stcps grhk tfc thp sh I k`nc ky w`y up. ^fcrc w`s Dhfl's bmhsct wfibf w`s il tfc f`mmw`y il grhlt hg fis rhhk. @a`il tfc rcbhalitihl gimmcn kc witf cltfusi`sk. I turlcn `ln mhhecn mhhecn `t fis nhhr `ln it w`s bmhscn. I nin ky lcw tribe `ln mhhecn `w`y, tfcl mhhecn o`be, `ln it w`s hpcl. @ln tfcrc w`s Dhfl st`lnila tfcrc g`bila thw`rn kc t`meila, `ln Arcahr sittila hl Dhfl's ocn st`rila `t tfc w`mm. w`mm. I w`s w`s sh surpriscn tf`t hur hur cxpcrikclt cxpcrikclt f`n whrecn tf`t I vcry cltfusi`stib`mmy rusfcn ilth tfc rhhk sfhutila, "D.B., Fcy D.B.! I nin it!". ^fis w`s vcry str`lac ocb`usc, `s I ycmmcn, ky vhibc scckcn th bhkc hut hg kc il smhw khtihl `s ig shkchlc wcrc pm`yila ` 16 rcbhrn `t 07 07 spccn. Out `t tfc s`kc tikc, I w`s fc`rila tfis, I w`s fc`rila `lhtfcr "kc" `btu`mmy sfhutila hut tfcsc tfilas tfilas lhrk`mmy. Out tfis vhibc shulncn shulncn g`r il tfc o`bearhuln `ln ocfiln tfc smhwcr vhibc. @s I'k rc`mizila `mm tfis, kc`lwfimc I'k rusfila ilth tfc rhhk tryila ncspcr`tcmy ncspcr`tcmy th act D.B.'s D.B.'s `ttcltihl. Out fc nhcsl't lhtibc kc. I'k t`meila `ln sfhutila `t fik `ln tryila th ar`o `ln sf`ec fik. Out th ky surprisc ky `rks p`ss riaft tfrhuaf fik fik `s I try th ar`o fik. I lhtibc tf`t Dhfl Dhfl sccks th oc t`meila `ohut shkctfila tf`t quitc cltfuscs fik out fis o`be is th Arcahr, `ln Arcahr nhcsl't scck th oc iltcrcstcn `lyw`y, fc's dust sittila hl Dhfl's ocn, skheila ` bia`rcttc bia`rcttc `ln st`rila up `t tfc w`mm. It hbburs th kc th try th mhhe `t tfc bmhbe `ln scc wf`t tikc tikc it is. ^fc bmhbe scckcn th rc`n 0?437, out out I w`sl't surc ocb`usc it w`s omurry `ln lht quitc mcaiomc, lh k`ttcr fhw f`rn I whumn try th ghbus ghbus hl it. ^fcl, I scckcn, ghr lh `pp`rclt rc`shl `t `mm, th bhkpmctcmy mhsc iltcrcst il tfc situ`tihl. I turlcn `ln mcgt tfc rhhk. ^fcl I wclt o`be hut ilth tfc f`mm, I mhhecn ilth Dhfl's bmhsct. ^fcrc w`s lhw ` wilnhw riaft il tfc kinnmc hgkist fis tf`t bmhsct. Il tfc wilnhw w`s th ` pile swirmila clbf`ltcn kc clhuaf w`ltr`ilohw th nivc 063
riaft ilth it. I tfhuaft th kyscmg, "Qcmm, I'vc I'vc hlmy ahttcl tfis g`r oy pusfil' hl `fc`n!" @ln sh I pmulacn ilth tfis amikkcrila, clbf`ltila clbf`ltila wilnhw. I rc`mmy nhl't rcb`mm wcmm wf`t f`ppclcn th kc `gtcr tfis philt, htfcr tf`l it rc`mmy grc`ecn kc hut hut il ` vcry p pmc`s`lt mc`s`lt w`y..." w`y..."
?< (C`rmicr, I prcscltcn kc tryila th p`ss tfrhuaf ` w`mm Ucltry 1 ulncr "o. Khvila tfrhuaf w`mms"[. Fcrc `rc tfc cvclts mc`nila th tf`t. ^fis w`s tfc girst tikc I kct ` "n`zcn" pcrshl nurila ` prhdcbtihl `ln it w`s ` mittmc bfimn. Lhtc fcrc fcrc `msh fhw I ghraht tfc bfimnrcl's l`kcs uphl uphl w`eila. w`eila. It is LH^ c`sy c`sy b`rryila ilghrk`tihl grhk tfc HHOC st`tc o`be th tfc w`eila st`tc.) Qfcl I rca`ilcn ky visihl I w`s st`lnila hl stcps mc`nila nhwl ilth wf`t `ppc`rcn th oc ` o`sckclt m`ulnrhk`t. It w`s vcry nistilbt - ` pcrgcbt mhbekhmn, `ln I gcmt vcry bhlsbihus. Ycmmhw p`iltcn w`mms, pipcs hl tfc bcimila w`sfila k`bfilcs `ln w`sf tuos up `ln nhwl tfc rhhk. It w`s ` bhrrinhr cxtclnila cxtclnila ghr `ohu `ohutt 2:: gcct. ^fcrc wcrc v`rihus htfcr turls th ky riaft out I nin lht cxpmhrc tfcsc. tfcsc. ^h ky mcgt w`s ` w`mm witf wilnhws `t tfc thp tf`t scckcn th oc `t arhuln mcvcm. @mm hg ` sunncl, ` mittmc bhmhrcn ohy `ohut 0: bhkcs w`meila hut hg lhwfcrc. Fc's wc`rila ` omuc p`re` out mhhes quitc lhrk`m htfcrwisc. I s`in "Fcmmh. I mhvc yhu" out fc ninl't scck th fc`r kc. I tfhuaft "Qhw! Fc kust oc smccpila" (tf`t fc w`s nc`n lcvcr cltcrcn ky kiln). I s`in "Qfh `rc yhu8 Qf`t `rc yhu nhila8" Fc stimm ninl't scck th fc`r kc cvcl tfhuaf fc w`s mhheila mhheila riaft `t kc. I s`in "Qfh `rc yhu8" quitc quitc mhunmy il fis g`bc. Fc turlcn n`zcnmy `ln st`rtcn w`meila `w`y grhk kc `ln fc w`s kukomila fis l`kc. I nhl't rckckocr wf`t fc s`in, I ghraht silbc I whec up.
067
Nurila tfc prhdcbtihl I fc`rn it `ln it scckcn th oc quitc ikphrt`lt th kc `t tf`t philt. Out fc scckcn uliltcrcstcn il kc `ln fc nis`ppc`rcn ilth wf`t I tfhuaft w`s ` o`tfrhhk. I sthhn w`itila ghr fik `ln hut hg tfc s`kc nhhr bhkcs ` mittmc wfitc ohy, `ohut 0: hr 00 yc`rs hmn. Fc f`n rcnnisf orhwl f`ir il ` ohwm but, wc`rila ` arccl arccl sfirt `ln `ln omuc omuc dc`ls. dc`ls. Fc w`s kubf khrc rcbcptivc. Fc b`kc b`kc hut `ln `ln s`w kc `ln s`in "Qfcrc `k I8 I'k sb`rcn fcrc". I s`in "Nhl't whrry, yhu `rc hlmy smccpila `ln yhu'mm w`ec up shhl. I `secn fik fis l`kc `ln fc thmn kc riaft `w`y. Out it scckcn th "omcln" witf tfc htfcr ohy's l`kc `ln I dust b`l't rckckocr. ^fcl tfc mittmc bhmhrcn ohy bhkcs hut witf us. "Fhw b`l wc act hut hg fcrc sccks th oc tfc kutu`m tfhuaft hg `mm hg us. @mm I bhumn scc `s `l csb`pc rhutc wcrc tfc tfc wilnhws wilnhws th hur mcgt. mcgt. ^fc wilnhws wilnhws wcrc wcrc sule o`be `ln `ohut `ohut 1 gcct hgg hgg tfc arhuln. ^fcrc wcrc ` scrics hg pipcs omhbeila tfc w`y sh I fhvcrcn up ilth tfc `ir..."
2< (@lhtfcr nr`k`tib cx`kpmc hg fhw SLMSBIN pchpmc `rc tf`t yhu kcct il il prhdcbtihls. prhdcbtihls. Lhtibc thh fcrc il tfis cltry shkctfila I f`vc ghuln5 tf`t it is vcry niggibumt ghr kc th rc`n tfilas nurila prhdcbtihls.) "...(I w`s gmyila tfrhuaf ` sc` hg g`bcs) @s I w`s gmyila tfrhuaf tfc g`bcs, I p`sscn tfc g`bc hg ` vcry oc`utigum whk`l `ln fcr oc`uty b`uaft ky `ttcltihl sh kubf tf`t I rcvcrscn ky khtihl ultim I b`kc uphl fcr g`bc `a`il. I st`rcn vcry f`rn tryila th ghbus ky mhbekhmn `ln I oca`l th k`tcri`mizc `a`il! @ln tfcrc sfc w`s st`lnila il grhlt hg kc, il tfc gmcsf! Qc scckcn th oc il tfc kinnmc hg `l hmn wcst thwl `ln sfc w`s il milc `t tfc tfc`tcr hr shkctfila. shkctfila. Rfc w`s wc`rila wc`rila ` n`re ousilcss hutgit witf arccl cyc sf`nhw `ln nccp rcn mipstibe. Rfc ninl't mhhe `s `s oc`utigum oc`utigum lhw lhw `s fcr g`bc `ppc`rcn il tfc sc` hg g`bcs. I w`s st`lnila tfcrc st`rila `t fcr iltclscmy `ln sfc mhhecn `t kc `ln `secn "B`l I fcmp yhu8" I `secn fcr wf`t bity wc wcrc il, 061
wf`t is fcr l`kc, wf`t Rt`tc is tfis. Rfc mhhecn `t kc pclsivcmy, tfcl ` mhhe hg bhlgusihl swcpt fcr gc`turcs. ^fcl, `s ` bhupmc hg phmibckcl cltcrcn tfc strcct, sfc philtcn th tfck `ln `ln s`in "Qfy nhl't nhl't yhu `se tfck"8 @ln sfc furricn hgg ilth tfc ouimnila wc wcrc il grhlt hg. I scck th rcb`mm fcr `seila "Nh yhu tfile I'k oc`utigum8" citfcr wfcl I girst s`w fcr hr `s sfc w`s mc`vila. @t `ly r`tc, I wclt up th tfc phmibckcl `ln `secn tfck tfc s`kc qucstihls. @ln I aht tfc s`kc rcsphlsc! ^fc bhp I w`s `nnrcssila mhhecn `t fis p`rtlcr `ln tfcy ohtf sfruaacn tfcir sfhumncrs. sfhumncrs. I lhtibcn ` sial il grhlt hg ` ouimnila `ln aht tfc inc` th ah try th rc`n it sh I tf`lecn tfc bhps `ln furricn hgg. ^fc sial w`s hl shkc stcps mc`nila ilth ` ouimnila `ln I aht tfc sclsc tf`t it w`s shkc eiln hg hggibi`m sial. I tricn th rc`n it out f`n ` vcry niggibumt niggibumt tikc. I bhumn bhumn lht act it ilth ghbus ghbus tf`t tf`t c`simy. c`simy. @mm I bhumn k`ec hut wcrc tfc mcttcrs "H_", wfibf ghr shkc rc`shl I iltcrprctcn th kc`l Hrcahl, `ln tfc st`tckclt "Bfcy`l Bhultry". @t tf`t khkclt I tfhuaft th kyscmg "^fis sial is sclscmcss. ^fcsc nc`n pchpmc ncbhr`tc tfcir m`lnsb`pc, out out tfcrc is lh gulbtihl ghr ghr tfis sial it's dust ` ncbhr`tihl". I a`vc up ky `ttckpt th rc`n tfc sial `ln w`mecn o`be nhwl tfc stcps shkcwf`t sf`ecl up. I lhtibcn ky f`lns wcrc il ky phbects `ln tfhuaft th kyscmg tf`t I w`s am`n I f`n k`tcri`mizcn witf bmhtfcs hl tfis tikc. I whlncrcn ig tfc bhps whumn f`vc lhtibcn f`n I occl l`ecn. I w`mecn ilth tfc strcct `a`il `ln tricn th survcy ky surrhulnilas. ^fc sial a`vc kc ` ncgilitc ikprcssihl hg tfc Hmn Qcst. ^fc bhps mhhecn tfhrhuafmy tfhrhuafmy khncrl tfhuaf. ^fc whk`l il arccl mhhecn miec shkchlc grhk tfc m`tc lilctccl fulnrcns. ^fc bity itscmg scckcn th oc ` brhss octwccl tfc 09?:'s `ln tfc 093:'s il tcrks hg tfc `ppc`r`lbcs hg tfc ouimnilas. ^fc ouimnilas wcrc `t khst 3 sthrics fiaf, shkc hg ycmmhw hr rcn (miec ` rhsc) oribe, htfcrs hg tfc usu`m oribe rcn bhmhr. I lhtibcn I w`s hl ` nirt rh`n. ^fcl tf`t gmiksy gccmila b`kc hvcr hvcr kc `a`il `l `ln n I gcmt ky mhbekhmn mhbekhmn g`nc. I w`s lhw il tfc vhin `a`il..." `a`il..." 066
>< Fcrc is `l cx`kpmc hg tc`bfila shkchlc fhw th gmy `s wcmm `s ocila `l cx`kpmc cx`kpmc hg ky ocila "smy" witf tfc pcrshl I kcct. @a`il, oy "smy" I kc`l ahila `mhla witf tfc pcrshl `ln wf`tcvcr tfcy `rc nhila, cvcl tfhuaf I elhw I `k prhdcbtila.) "...(I f`n ocbhkc mubin nurila ` nrc`k. I w`s il ` typib`m mhheila mhheila suouro...) suouro...) ^fcl I gcmt tfc fc`vilcss bhkc hvcr kc tf`t ilnib`tcn ilnib`tcn ky mhbekhmn w`s w`s acttila wc`e. I w`s `gr`in tf`t ig I dust ecpt w`meila I whumn mhsc ky mhbekhmn, sh I turlcn `ln w`mecn o`be oy tfc sbfhhm. I kct up witf ` yhula gcmmhw wfh w`s w`meila fhkc grhk sbfhhm. I w`s rc`mmy rc`mmy gccmila ky mhbekhmn smip `ln I b`uaft b`uaft up witf tfis tfis ein. Fc w`s k`yoc k`yoc ` gcw yc`rs yc`rs yhulacr tf`l kc, fc`vysct `ln f`n arc`sy omhln sfhrt f`ir `ln w`s wc`rila wc`rila omuc dc`ls hvcr`mms. hvcr`mms. I `pprh`bfcn `pprh`bfcn fik `ln `secn ig I bhumn fhmn hlth fik ocb`usc I w`s ahila th nis`ppc`r htfcrwisc. htfcrwisc. Fc w`s quitc b`su`m `ohut it `ln s`in HE. Rh `s wc w`mecn w`mecn ghr ` gcw y`rns, I bmula hl th fik `ln I gcmt ky mhbekhmn rcturl. rcturl. It w`s st`omc out sf`ey `ln I elcw I f`n th ah `mhla smhw `ln lht act thh cxbitcn hr I whumn mhsc mhsc it. Qc st`rtcn st`rtcn t`meila t`meila `ln fc `secn kc ig I whumn miec th ah fultila hr gisfila witf fik. I rc`mmy ninl't ninl't w`lt th, out I s`in y` `lyw`y dust th eccp tfilas skhhtf. skhhtf. I tfhuaft tfhuaft tfc fultila w`s th t`ec pm`bc hvcr ` sk`mm fimm tf`t wc wcrc w`meila up `ln I r`l ghrw`rn th tfc thp hg tfc fimm. ^fc sbclcry f`n bf`lacn grhk suouro`l strccts th ` bhultry-miec clvirhlkclt `ln tfcrc wcrc whhns `ohut `ln I s`w ` sk`mm m`ec `ohut ` qu`rtcr kimc nhwl ocyhln `ln tfrhuaf tfc trccs. Ky gricln m`uafcn `ln s`in tfc gisfila spht w`s hvcr tfc rinac `ln tf`t wc f`n th sthp `t fis fhusc girst. Qc thhe ` turl nhwl `lhtfcr rh`n ilth tfc whhns, p`st wf`t I tfhuaft w`s ` a`r`ac `ln b`kc th ` sf`be tf`t w`s fis fhusc. Qc wclt ilsinc `ln tfc pm`bc w`s vcry sk`mm. sk`mm. Ky gricln's gricln's orhtfcr w`s tfcrc tfcrc out fc wclt ilth tfc tfc o`tfrhhk. o`tfrhhk. Ky gricln thmn fik th furry furry ocb`usc wc wcrc ahila th ah gisfila. Qfimc w`itila w`itila I st`rtcn t`meila shkc khrc. 069
"Qf`t's yhur l`kc8" I `secn. "B`kcrhl," fc s`in. "Qfcrc yhu grhk8" "Bmcvcm`ln," fc s`in. I thmn fik ky l`kc w`s Nhl. Out I st`rtcn acttila ohrcn `ln ncbincn I w`s ahila th gmy `w`y `ln cxpmhrc, sh I wclt hutsinc. hutsinc. I w`s `ohut th gmy hgg `ln B`kcrhl b`kc hut. "@rcl't wc ahila th w`it ghr ky orhtfcr8" fc `secn. I thmn fik I w`s ahila th gmy `w`y. Fc mhhecn `t kc `ln st`rtcn m`uafila `s ig I w`s dheila, `ln fc thmn kc tf`t I bhumnl't nh tf`t. tf`t. I w`s ialhrila ialhrila fik `ln rc`ny th gmy `w`y. `w`y. I dukpcn up th ah out ` trcc aht il ky w`y `ln I hlmy wclt up `ohut 0: gcct, sh I skhhtfmy m`lncn o`be hl hlhpcl ky `ln gcct. cycs B`kcrhl kclht il th `wc, `wc , fis khutf cycs winc. winc. mhhecn I thmn `t fik lht oc sh sh surpriscn, fc bhumn nh it thh ig fc w`ltcn th. "^ry it," I thmn fik, "out "out girst mct's ah ilth shkc hpcl sp`bc." Rh wc w`mecn hvcr th ` ar`vcm mht tf`t w`s `nd`bclt th fis fhusc. I clbhur`acn fik th ah ah hl `ln try th gmy. gmy. Rh fc thhe ` mhla rullila st`rt, miec `l `irpm`lc hl ` rulw`y, `ln migtcn hgg ilth tfc `ir witf fis `rks gm`ppila miec ` oirn's wilas. Fc wclt up up `ohut 3 gcct hgg tfc arhuln `ln bh`stcn ` gcw gcct ocghrc m`lnila. m`lnila. I w`s st`lnila tfcrc tfcrc m`uafila b`usc fc mhhecn sh gully gm`ppila fis `rks. Out I w`s stimm cltfusi`stib witf tfc g`bt tf`t fc f`n ahttcl hgg tfc arhuln. arhuln. "@mm riaft!" I s`in, "I elcw yhu bhumn nh it!" B`kcrhl w`s quitc surpriscn `ln f`ppy `ohut fis girst gmiaft. gmiaft. Lhw I ncbincn ncbincn I w`s ahila th oc ` sfhwhgg `ln sfhw fik fhw it w w`s `s rc`mmy nhlc. "Q`tbf tfis!" I s`in, `ln I sfht str`iaft up ilth tfc `ir, `t mc`st `ohut 0:: gcct gcct up. B`kcrhl w`s nhwl nhwl ocmhw kc tcmmila tcmmila kc shkctfila, out I bhumnl't k`ec hut wf`t wf`t fc w`s s`yila. I sfhutcn o`be th fik4 "Yhu sfhumn scc tfc sbclcry grhk up fcrc!" 09:
It w`s rc`mmy quitc oc`utigum. I bhumn scc ghr kimcs `rhuln kc il `mm nircbtihls `ln I rc`mizcn tf`t tfis w`s hlc hg tfc ocst mhbekhmns I f`n cvcr f`n wfimc I w`s gmyila. I bhumn scc tfc m`lnsb`pc m`lnsb`pc sprc`n hut ocmhw ocmhw kc. It w`s ` m`rac ghrcst `rc` nhttcn oy lukcrhus mittmc m`ecs. It `msh mhhecn miec wiltcr ocb`usc cvcrytfila scckcn th f`vc ` tfil m`ycr hg slhw bhvcrila, tfhuaf tfc w`tcr w`s sp`remila omuc wfcrc cvcr it w`s th oc sccl. I birbmcn `rhuln il tfc `ir burrclts ` gcw tikcs th act ` ahhn vicw, `s it scckcn miec I w`s lhw quitc ` gcw fulnrcn gcct up. I w`ltcn th ah cxpmhrc, sh I tricn th k`ec shkc nircbtihl witf tfc wiln, `ln I f`n ocaul th nrigt `w`y grhk B`kcrhl `ln fis fhusc. B`kcrhl w`s ocmhw kc rullila `ln tryila th st`y up witf kc, `ln fc w`s sfhutila `t kc tcmmila kc th bhkc o`be. I bhumn tcmm fc ninl't w`lt kc th mc`vc `ln tfc wiln w`s ghrbila kc mhwcr `lyw`y. `lyw`y. I oca`l th birbmc nhwlw`rns thw`rns ` sk`mm gicmn lcxt th tfc ar`vcm mht wfcrc wc st`rtcn hut. B`kcrhl w`s rullila thw`rns wfcrc I tfhuaft I w`s ahila th m`ln, out `s I aht witfil ?: gcct hr sh hg tfc arhuln, I bhkpmctcmy mhst ky mhbekhmn `ln w`s myila il ky ocn winc `w`ec. I gcmt vcry vcry rcgrcsfcn uphl w`eila." w`eila."
3< (@pp`rcltmy, shkctikcs wc `str`m prhdcbthrs kust mhhe miec afhsts th tfc pchpmc wc kcct il tfc tfc pm`lcs. ^fis is ` butc cpishnc wfcrc I clncn clncn up sb`rila ilstc`n hg ocila sb`rcn!) "...@t girst tfc n`relcss w`s vcry "cmcbtrib." Cvcltu`mmy tfc vhin scckcn miec ` fc`vy gha. I aht tfc inc` th try th mhhe `t ky f`lns. Q`tbfcn ky ohny `ln ` rcn timc gmhhr k`tcri`mizcs `rhuln kc `s tfc ghaailcss hg tfc vhin g`ncn `w`y. I w`s il `l ckpty rhhk witf ` rcn timc gmhhr, it scckcn miec ` sk`mm aykl`siuk hr shkctfila. I st`rtcn w`meila `ln lhtibcn tf`t ky ghhtstcps wcrc vcry lhisy. ^fcrc wcrc twh hpcl nhhrs. Hlc mcn hut th ` f`mmw`y, tfc htfcr mcn th ` sthr`ac bmhsct. ^fcrc w`s ` miaft hl il tfc sthr`ac bmhsct `ln I fc`rn shkchlc khvila `ln st`beila bf`irs.. I `pprh`bfcn tfc mit bmhsct lcrvhusmy `ln ` mittmc sb`rcn, 090
lht elhwila wf`t th cxpcbt. cxpcbt. ^fcrc w`s `lhtfcr cltr`lbc cltr`lbc th tfc sthr`ac bmhsct hut il tfc k`il f`mmw`y, `ln `s I w`mecn oy I s`w ` pimc hg bf`irs ah br`sfila hut ilth tfc f`mm. ^fcl I fc`rn arukomila `ln bhkpm`ilila bhkc grhk tfc sthr`ac bmhsct. I ocb`kc ` mittmc `kuscn `ln fhvcrcn hut lc`r tfc nhhr th pcce ilth tfc sthr`ac bmhsct `ln scc wfh w`s il tfcrc. ^fcl, ` auy nrcsscn nrcsscn miec ` d`lithr w`mecn hut hg tfc sthr`ac bmhsct. Fc mhhecn up `ln s`w kc gmh`tila tfcrc `ln I hovihusmy st`rtmcn fik ocb`usc fc a`spcn `t kc. ^fc wfhmc situ`tihl w`s ocbhkila vcry `kusila th kc sh I gmcw nhwl bmhscr thw`rns fik. Fc r`l sb`rcn sb`rcn o`be ilth tfc sthr`ac sthr`ac bmhsct. I fhvcrcn ghr ` scbhln hutsinc tfc nhhr th tfc bmhsct `ln tfc d`lithr rc`ppc`rcn, tfis tikc b`rryila ` m`rac a`ro`ac b`l, wfibf fc tfcl prhbccncn th tfrhw `t kc. Fc kisscn kc `ln tfc a`ro`ac b`l strube tfc w`mm lcxt th kc, out out I w`s surpriscn lhlctfcmcss. lhlctfcmcss. Fc r`l o`b o`bee ilth tfc sthr`ac bmhsct `ln I gmcw up thw`rns ` vclt oy tfc bcimila. I pummcn tfc vclt hpcl `ln tricn th bmiko ilth it, out I mhst ky mhbekhmn `ln w`s o`be il ky pfysib`m ohny."
7< (Fcrc's hlc tikc wfcl Dhfl `ln I, wfh sf`rcn ` rhhk `t bhmmcac wcrc ohtf smccpila. I prhdcbtcn `ln s`w fik smccpila hl fis ocn `ln I tricn th w`ec fik wfimc I w`s hut-hg-ohny.) "...F`vila shkc eiln hg nrc`k. F`n ` g`msc `w`eclila, cxbcpt I giaurcn I w`s citfcr `w`ec, hr k`yoc I bhumn prhdcbt. ^ricn th pusf hut hg ky ohny. I w`s ayr`tila wimnmy. I gmhppcn hut sincw`ys, sincw`ys, miec ` gisf, hlth tfc tfc gmhhr lcxt th ky ocn. I w`s il ky ocnrhhk. Rthhn up `ln wclt hvcr th wfcrc D.B.'s ocn w`s (fc w`s smccpila tfcrc ghr ghr rc`m hl tfc pfysib`m pfysib`m pm`lc). I lunacn fik, "Dhfl, "Dhfl, w`ec up." up." Fc rhmmcn hvcr, f`mg `w`ec, mhheila mhheila up `t kc. kc. "Dhfl, it's kc," I s`in, "B`l yhu scc kc8" Fc s`in, stimm f`mg f`mg `smccp, "Y`, I elhw it's yhu." yhu." 09?
Fc ninl't scck thh tfrimmcn. "B`l yhu scc kc8 I'k prhdcbtila riaft lhw. I'k il ky `str`m ohny." Fc s`in, "Yhu mhhe miec ` f`zc." f`zc." I `secn fik, "B`l yhu scc ky pfysib`m ohny myila hl ky ocn8" Fc s`in fc bhumnl't. Out it w`s n`re il tfc rhhk `ln I giaurcn fc bhumnl't scc ky pfysib`m ohny il ky ocn ocb`usc tfcrc w`s w`s lh miaft. Rh I sthhn up `ln thmn fik fik th w`tbf kc. @ln I sfht up tfrhuaf tfc bcimila. I gcmt kyscmg p`ss hutsinc, out `t tfc s`kc tikc I bhkpmctcmy mhst ky mhbe-khmn..."
1< (^fc ghmmhwila is `l iltcrcstila cpishnc. I kct ` str`lacr, ` whk`l, `ln I tfile sfc k`y f`vc occl ` ncbc`scn pcrshl. ^fis, I gccm, is `l cx`kpmc hg bhlshmila ` pcrshl.) "...Gcmt kyscmg m`yila hl ky ocn `a`il. I ninl't ninl't k`ec `ly `ttckpt th "pusf hut" tfhuaf, I dust st`rtcn gmyila ghrw`rn tfrhuaf tfc vhin. @mkhst ilst`ltmy, ` sbclc k`tcri`mizcn k`tcri`mizcn `rhuln kc. It scckcn th oc nuse, `ln I w`s st`lnila hl tfc grhlt m`wl hg ` fhusc hvcrmhheila `l ulg`kimi`r lciafohrfhhn. It rckilncn kc shkcwf`t hg tfc tfc hmncr hmncr `ln oiaacr oiaacr fhuscs il Nctrhit. Nctrhit. ^fcrc wcrc ` gcw pchpmc w`meila `ohut hl tfc sincw`mes. I lhtibcn ` whk`l bhkila up tfc sincw`me tf`t p`sscn il grhlt hg wfcrc I w`s `t. Qitfhut rc`mmy rc`mmy tfileila, tfileila, I r`l `brhss `brhss tfc m`wl, dukpcn tfc rhw hg ousfcs scp`r`tila tfc m`wl grhk tfc sincw`me, `ln sthhn sthhn tfcrc hl tfc sincw`me sincw`me w`itila ghr tfis whk`l th `pprh`bf. Rfc w`s `l hmncr whk`l witf ar`yila omhln f`ir, wc`rila ` mhla orhwl bh`t. Rfc w`s `btila sb`rcn `s ig sfc w`ltcn th `vhin `vhin kc. Rfc w`s hlmy hlmy ` gcw gcct grhk kc `ln I `secn fcr, "Qf`t's yhur l`kc8" Rfc sthppcn, out turlcn `w`y grhk kc `ln s`in, "I nhl't mhhe `t g`bcs." 092
I bhumn sclsc fcr gc`r `ln b`utihl `ln I s`in, "Nhl't whrry, I elhw fhw pchpmc `rc up fcrc." ^fcl sfc turlcn o`be thw`rns kc, oriaftclcn up witf iltcrcst `ln s`in, "Yhu nh8" I w`s am`n th f`vc ahttcl fcr `ttcltihl. Out tfcl I lhtibcn `s I w`s st`rila `t fcr g`bc, tf`t fcr gc`turcs ecpt sfigtila grhk tf`t hg `l hmn m`ny th tf`t hg ` oc`utigum yhula whk`l. Mhheila ilth fcr cycs I s`in, "Yhu'rc vcry oc`utigum." Rfc aiaamcn cko`rr`sscn. I ninl't elhw ig I sfhumn k`ec ` scxu`m khvc hl fcr hr lht. I ncbincn `a`ilst it b`usc it w`s hovihus tf`t sfc f`n occl `gr`in, out lhw I f`n fcr bhlginclbc. I rc`mizcn tf`t tf`t sfc scckcn scckcn sb`rcn `ln mhlcmy `ln I giaurcn sfc sikpmy lccncn th oc bhlshmcn. I fuaacn fcr `ln wc oca`l w`meila hgg. ^fcl I g`ncn hut..." hut..."
6< (^fis is hlc hg tfc khst iltcrcstila tikcs I'vc kct shkchlc I elcw nurila `l HHOC. ^fc gcmmhw I kcct, Crib, w`s w`s ` ahhn gricln I d`kkcn witf il ` o`ln. Fc f`n mcgt sbfhhm, out I w`s stimm `t sbfhhm. I kct Crib wfimc I w`s prhdcbtila. It sccks vcry rc`shl`omc th bhlbmunc tf`t wfcrc I clncn up ahila il ky prhdcbtihl w`s wfcrc Crib f`ppclcn th ah tf`t liaft il fis nrc`ks. I tricn th act fik th b`mm b`mm kc. Lhtibc Lhtibc fhw mittmc mittmc mubinity fc f`s. @msh, lhtc fhw I `k "smy" il iltcr`btila witf Crib.) "...F`n occl up `mm liaft stunyila ghr `l cx`k `ln a`ooila witf Dhfl. Qclt th ocn `ohut 34:: @K. I gcmm `smccp `mkhst ikkcni`tcmy. Lcxt tfila I elcw I w`s w`meila tfrhuaf ` n`lbc bmuo, vcry rckilisbclt hg tfc Nctrhit n`lbc bmuo sbclc. ^fc pm`bc w`s m`rac `ln n`re, `ln tfcrc w`s ` fuac n`lbc gmhhr gimmcn witf vcry ulncrarhuln mhheila pchpmc. I w`s w`s lht mubin `t tfis philt, out I f`n ` vcry strhla gccmila tf`t shkctfila w`s up. I w`mecn hgg hg tfc n`lbc n`lbc gmhhr ilth `lhtfcr `lhtfcr rhhk tf`t w`s ` o`r. Rittila `t tfc o`r w`s ky ahhn gricln Crib, witf wfhk I f`n d`kkcn il ` o`ln. Qfcl I s`w Crib it n`wlcn hl kc - I w`s il tfc nrc`k whrmn! @ln 09>
`msh, `t tfis rc`miz`tihl, I khst ncgilitcmy cxpcriclbcn tfc "fc`nrusf" gccmila. Ky mubinity w`s ilbrcniomc. Cvcrytfila w`s `oshmutcmy bmc`r `ln vivin. I gcmt cx`btmy miec I nh wfcl I'k `w`ec. Hlbc ky mubinity bmibecn il tfhuaf, I ocb`kc vcry `w`rc hg ky phtclti`m th g`nc hut sh I khvcn vcry smhwmy `ln b`rcgummy. I `pprh`bfcn Crib, vivinmy `w`rc tf`t wc wcrc il tfc nrc`k pm`lc. I ncbincn lht th s`y `lytfila th fik `ohut tfis g`bt `t girst. I w`ltcn th cxpcrikclt cxpcrikclt `ln pm`y witf tfc situ`tihl. I `pprh`bfcn `pprh`bfcn fik cx`btmy `s `s I whumn f`vc nhlc ig I rc`mmy f`n ulcxpcbtcnmy rul ilth fik il ` bmuo hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. I b`su`mmy w`mecn up th tfc o`r `ln lunacn fik. "Crib, wf`t's up8" I s`in, cxtclnila ky f`ln il arcctila. Fc turlcn `ln rcbhalizcn kc `ln sfhwcn tfc typib`m surprisc hlc whumn sfhw wfcl sccila ` gricln hlc f`sl't f`sl't sccl ghr ` wfimc. Qc f`nl't sccl c`bf c`bf htfcr ghr hvcr ` yc`r. yc`r. "Nhl!, Fhw `rc yhu8" Qc wcrc sf`eila f`lns. Crib f`n ` nrile il fis f`ln `ln fc w`s `btila `s ig fc w`s smiaftmy nrule, wfibf I ghuln quitc lhvcm elhwila tf`t wc wcrc il tfc nrc`k whrmn `ln hlc's nrc`k ohny sikpmy b`llht act nrule! Qc a`oocn `ohut wf`t wc f`n c`bf occl nhila silbc wc m`st s`w c`bf htfcr. Crib thmn kc tf`t fc w`s whreila `t ` r`nih st`tihl (wfibf w`s truc, `ln I elcw tfis `lyw`y). `lyw`y). I thmn fik I w`s stimm il sbfhhm whreila thw`rns ar`nu`tihl. ar`nu`tihl. I ecpt up tfis sk`mm t`me, out I w`s tryila th giaurc hut wf`t I sfhumn nh lcxt. Gil`mmy, riaft il tfc kinnmc hg hur sk`mm t`me, I mhhecn `t Crib `ln vcry b`su`mmy, out scrihusmy s`in, "Oy tfc w`y, Crib, wc'rc nrc`kila riaft lhw." Fc mhhecn `t kc `ln st`rtcn m`uafila `s ig I w`s dheila.
093
I rcsphlncn, "Mhhe, Crib, I'k tht`mmy scrihus. I'k il Fhuafthl riaft lhw, `ln ky ohny is smccpila il ky ocn. Yhu `ln I `rc hl tfc `str`m pm`lc riaft lhw." Crib s`in shkctfila `ohut `ohut kc `mw`ys f`vila f`vila occl ` arc`t einncr. ^fcrc w`s ` yhula whk`l sittila lcxt th Crib `t tfc o`r `ln sfc w`s mistclila mistclila th us. Rfc mhhecn `t kc vcry slincmy slincmy il il rcsphlsc rcsphlsc th wf`t I w`s s`yila. I mhhecn `t fcr `ln s`in, "Mhhe, whk`l, Qc'rc nrc`kila riaft lhw. Dust w`ec yhurscmg up, tfcl yhu'mm ocmicvc kc." ^fcl I k`nc k`nc shkc l`sty rck`re rck`re th fcr fcr `ohut tfc g`bt tf`t sfc w`s dust `lhtfcr typib`mmy stupin nrc`kcr. Kc`lwfimc, Crib w`s w`tbfila tfis acttila ` oia eibe hut hg it. ^fcl I gcmt kyscmg ocail th g`nc hut. I ar`oocn Crib `ln s`in, "Sf hf! Mhhe, Crib! I'k ahll` nis`ppc`r riaft ocghrc yhur cycs, tfcl yhu'mm elhw tf`t tfis is ` nrc`k!" @ln I w`s ahlc. {@t tfis philt rc`n rc`n cltry 2 ulncr "iv. ^fc Rurrc`m _caihls"} ...^fis tikc I tiaftclcn ky ghbus sh kubf tf`t tfc cltirc o`r sbclc g`ncn il `rhuln kc! I w`s o`be il tfc o`r `a`il! Ky mhbekhmn w`s `a`il vcry strhla, out `a`il, I khvcn smhwmy `ln b`utihusmy sh `s lht th act thh cxbitcn `ln g`nc hut. I whlncrcn whlncrcn ig Crib Crib w`s stimm stimm fcrc. fcrc. I w`mecn w`mecn hgg tfc n`lbc n`lbc gmhhr, tfrhuaf ` lchl mit f`mmw`y, f`mmw`y, o`be ilth tfc o`r wfcrc I f`n sccl Crib. @ln lh sfit - tfcrc fc w`s il tfc s`kc rhhk! I w`s cxtrckcmy cxtrckcmy mubin `ln I rc`mmy f`n th giaft th eccp kyscmg b`mk ocb`usc I elcw I whumn g`nc ig I aht thh cxbitcn. ^fis tikc Crib w`s st`lnila lcxt th tfc w`mm `ln fc scckcn scckcn kubf nrulecr tf`l tf`l ocghrc. Lht hlmy tf`t, fc w`s `btila ilbrcniomy ulmubin, dust miec `ly htfcr hrnil`ry nrc`kcr. nrc`kcr. ^fis tikc, I ncbincn, I whumnl't w`stc tikc witf sk`mm t`me. @l inc` hbburrcn hbburrcn th kc. I wclt wclt up th fik, ar`oocn fik `ln s`in, "Fcy, Crib, I'k o`be." "Fcy, Nhl, wfcrc'n yhu ah8" fc s`in skimila `ln smurrila fis spccbf. Dust tf`t I aht tfis rcsphlsc grhk 097
fik w`s `k`zila ocb`usc it ikpmicn `l iltcrcstila kckhry bhltiluity. Wcry scrihusmy I s`in th fik, "Mhhe, Crib, wc `rc nrc`kila. Ninl't yhu scc kc nis`ppc`r8 B`l't yhu ulncrst`ln8 ^fis is ` nrc`k!" Fis `ttcltihl, fhwcvcr, w`s w`vcrila. I ninl't scck th oc acttila tfrhuaf th fik. I sfhhe fik `ln bhltilucn, "Mhhe, Crib, I'k il Fhuafthl riaft lhw smccpila. I w`lt yhu th w`ec up `ln b`mm kc hl tfc tcmcpfhlc riaft lhw. Ky lukocr is 1>>9. Nh yhu ulncrst`ln8 1>>9. Q`ec up `ln b`mm kc." Ghr `l ilst`lt it scckcn tf`t fc f`n bhkc hut hg fis nrc`kcr kiln `ln scckcn th oc ulncrst`lnila wf`t I w`s s`yila. @ amilt hg rcbhalitihl p`sscn hvcr fis gc`turcs. I rcpc`tcn ky pfhlc lukocr `ln thmn fik th w`ec up `ln b`mm kc. Fc s`in, "1>>1." I bhrrcbtcn fik, out fc dust ecpt acttila tfc pfhlc lukocr khrc `ln khrc wrhla. @t tfis philt lhw, wc wcrc ohtf gmh`tila `ohut givc gcct hgg tfc arhuln, `ln wc wcrc il grhlt hg ` mhla kirrhr up hvcr tfc o`r. I turlcn Crib thw`rns thw`rns tfc kirrhr. "Mhhe," I s`in philtila ilth tfc kirrhr, "Qc'rc gmh`tila, Crib. Yhu b`l hlmy nh stugg miec tfis il ` nrc`k. Nhl't yhu act it8 Qc'rc nrc`kila Crib!" @a`il, ` ncgilitc amilt hg rcbhalitihl p`sscn tfrhuaf fis cycs. Ghr ` scbhln fc scckcn th ulncrst`ln tfc situ`tihl. I st`rtcn sf`eila fik vihmcltmy, tcmmila tcmmila fik th w`ec up wfimc I w`s rcpc`tila ky pfhlc lukocr th fik. @s wc wcrc gmh`tila, I mhhecn hvcr hl tfc w`mm `ln s`w ` gmycr phstcn tfcrc tf`t s`in shkctfila `ohut Gcrln`mc. I tfhuaft, "fc elhws I'k grhk Gcrln`mc". I philtcn it hut th fik, out bhltilucn pmc`nila th fik th w`ec up `ln b`mm kc. Out oy lhw fc w`s `btila, lht hlmy miec ` typib`m nrc`kcr, out miec fc w`s vcry nrule `s wcmm, `ln I a`vc up hl fik. fik. Fc oca`l th gmh`t `w`y `w`y grhk kc, wf`t mittmc 091
mubinity fc nin nispm`y w`s bhkpmctcmy ahlc. "^fis is gutimc," I tfhuaft, tfhuaft, `ln I mct mct fik gmh`t `w`y `w`y..." ..."
{I tfcl wclt hl, il tfis s`kc prhdcbtihl th kcct tfc gmyila kilht`ur wfibf is ncsbriocn il cltry 3, ulncr "Lhlfuk`l Nclizils Hg ^fc Zm`lcs "}
9<
(Rhkctikcs yhu wimm clbhultcr ` pcrshl wfh `ppc`rs fiafmy mubin. ^fc ghmmhwila ghmmhwila cltry is subf `l cx`kpmc. @s yhu wimm scc, I w`s surpriscn oy tfis whk`l's mubinity `ln `btu`mmy f`n ` shkcwf`t kc`lilagum bhlvcrs`tihl bhlvcrs`tihl witf fcr. I tfile sfc w`s ` nc`n pcrshl grhk tfc p`st.) "...(I f`n occl il ` surrc`m sp`bc, tfc...) I "oclt" hut hg tfc tfc bryst`m `ln w`s st`lnila st`lnila il ` rcm`tivcmy m`rac, vcry oc`utigum rhhk. It mhhecn mhhecn Wibthri`l il its ncbhr. ^fcrc w`s ` outmcr st`lnila tfcrc sfillila sfhcs `ln st`rila `t kc. I ialhrcn fik, `ln mhhecn `ohut tfc rh rhhk. hk. It w`s vcry cmca`lt. Iltrib`tcmy ctbfcn whhn milcn tfc bhlthurs hg tfc w`mm `ln ` m`rac oc`utigum t`pcstry bhvcrcn khst khst hg tfc w`mm lcxt th kc. @ m`rac amistclila bf`lncmicr fula grhk tfc bcimila. M`rac wilnhws wilnhws hl tfc hpphsitc w`mm rcvc`mcn ` bhurt y`rn hutsinc `ln ocyhln tfis, ` k`lsihl-miec ouimnila witf st`ilcn am`ss wilnhws. I w`s vcry ikprcsscn. I f`vcl't occl il subf ` oc`utigum pm`bc hut fcrc il tfc pm`lcs ghr ` wfimc. ^fcrc w`s ` sk`mmcr rhhk but hgg grhk tfc girst oy iltrib`tcmy b`rvcn whhnitnivincrs. nivin I mhhecn ilth ^fcl tfis sk`mmcr rhhk `ln s`w tf`t w`scrs. ` nilila rhhk. rhhk. I gcmt kyscmg kys cmg ocail th g`nc. I quibemy bmula th tfc whhncl nivincr `ln bhlbcltr`tcn hl st`oimizila kyscmg. Mubeimy, I rcst`oimizcn kyscmg. I wclt o`be `rhuln th wfcrc tfc tfc outmcr w`s w`s sfillila sfhcs. sfhcs. Fc w`s `l hmncr k`l, o`mn o`mn hl thp, thp, burmy ar`y f`ir `rhuln tfc sincs. Fc w`s wc`rila spcbt`bmcs `ln ` typib`m outmcr hutgit. Fc scckcn th oc smiaftmy `ttcltivc th ky prcsclbc `ln fc mhhecn `t kc witf ` mccr. Hl ` sk`mm t`omc lcxt th tfc outmcr w`s ` nisf hg orhwl punnila witf mittmc oits hg bfhbhm`tc il it. I wclt up, bhkpmctcmy bhkpmctcmy nisrca`rnila nisrca`rnila tfc 096
outmcr, giaurila fc w`s `t ocst f`mg bhlsbihus `lyw`y, `ln thhe ` f`lngum hg tfc punnila. It t`stcn arc`t! I prhbccncn th c`t khst hg it. ^fc outmcr scckcn irrit`tcn out I bhltilucn th nisrca`rn fik. Ocyhln fik I s`w ` arhup hg whkcl sittila il grhlt hg tfc oia wilnhws hl tfc tfc hpphsitc w`mm. I runcmy `ln purphscmy purphscmy bmikocn bmikocn hvcr tfc outmcr (witf `l `ttitunc `eil th wf`t Khlrhc b`mms ` "wimn hlc") `ln `pprh`bfcn tfc whkcl. ^fcrc wcrc ghur whkcl sittila tfcrc il grhlt hg tfc wilnhw. Hlc w`s sc sc`tcn `tcn il tfc bcltcr il wf`t mhhecn miec ` tfrhlc `ln sfc `ppc` `ppc`rcn rcn th oc il fcr 2:s. Rfc f`n ` shpfistib`tcn oc`uty `ohut fcr. Rfc w`s nrcsscn il Wibthri`l gilcry `ln I tfhuaft tf`t sfc kiaft oc lhoimity. Rurrhulnila fcr wcrc tfrcc hmncr whkcl `ln tfcy mhhecn th oc il tfcir tfcir 3:s. ^fcy mhhecn miec miec hmn k`ins. @s I lc`rcn tfc wilnhw I w`s b`pturcn oy tfc oc`uty hg tfc ouimnila `brhss tfc tfc bhurty`rn. bhurty`rn. @s tfc whkcl lhtibcn I w`s `pprh`bfila I sphec hut4 "^fis is shkc arc`t punnila." ^fc yhulacr whk`l il tfc kinnmc `nnrcsscn kc ikkcni`tcmy, "Hf ky," sfc s`in, "yhu scck th f`vc c`tcl `mm hg Nubfckc's (prhlhulbcn (prhlhulbcn "nuc ssf`kcs") f`kcs") punnila!" punnila!" Rfc sphec witf bhlginclbc `ln surcty `ln I w`s vcry surpriscn surpriscn oy tfis. Ssu`mmy tfc pchpmc I sp spc`e c`e witf il ky prhdcbtihls `rc inihts. ^fis whk`l w`s lht. Rfc scckcn `s mubin `s I w`s. Kc`lwfimc, tfc tfrcc hmncr whkcl cycn kc witf suspibihl out s`in lhtfila. "^f`t's ` oc`utigum ouimnila hvcr tfcrc," I s`in, philtila hut tfc wilnhw `brhss tfc bhurty`rn, "Qf`t is it8" "Hf ycs, it is vcry oc`utigum," sfc `arccn, "It is hur bmhtfcs p`m`bc." I w`s lht surc wf`t sfc s`in, "I'k shrry, I ninl't ulncrst`ln yhu." It is hur bmhtfcs bmhtfcs p`m`bc," sfc rcpc`tcn. 099
"Qhw! @ wfhmc p`m`bc dust th sthrc tfcir w`rnrhoc", is wf`t I tfhuaft. I w`s surpriscn surpriscn `ln t`ecl `o`be oy tfis whk`l's mubinity, tfc quibelcss `ln rcmcv`lbc hg fcr rcsphlscs. Rubf bhkkulib`tihl bhkkulib`tihl is r`rc ghr kc hut fcrc. I tfhuaft tf`t sfc kust oc ` nc`n pcrshl stimm mivila hut fcr `str`m migc. I struaamcn ghr ` khkclt tryila th tfile fhw ocst th rcsphln th tfis uliquc birbukst`lbc. @mm I giaurcn th `se fcr is "Qf`t "Qf`t yc`r is tfis8" "069:," sfc s`in. "Qhw! Rfc is nc`n!" I tfhuaft. ^fcrc w`sl't w`sl't tfc mc`st ilnib`tihl sfc w`s bhlstrubtila fcr rcsphlscs grhk ky tfhuafts. tfhuafts. Fcr rcsphlscs rcsphlscs wcrc thh l`tur`m l`tur`m ghr tf`t. Ocsincs, I whumn f`vc gcmt it ig sfc w`s pummila bhlbcpts hut hg ky kiln. @msh, I `secn fcr tfis qucstihl il tht`m silbcrity, witf lh prcbhlbcivcn lhtihl hg wf`t `lswcr I whumn act. "Qhw!" I cxbm`ikcn, "I'k grhk tfc guturc. I'vc bhkc grhk tfc yc`r..." yc`r..." Ghr tfc tfc migc hg kc I bhumnl't bhumnl't rckckocr wf`t yc`r it w`s o`be hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc! I w`s stykicn. I struaamcn tryila th rckckocr. I elcw it w`s 09 shkctfila, out out wf`t8 @mm I bhumn bhumn omurt hut w`s, "tfc lilctccl ciaftics." Out tfc wfhmc situ`tihl w`s k`eila kc thh cxbitcn. Ky mhbekhmn mhbekhmn oca`l g`nila g`nila `ln sh nin I. Ky visihl w`s ahlc, out I fc`rn fcr s`y, "Ky fhw iltcrcstila..." ^fcl ky fc`rila w`s ahlc thh. I `whec o`be il ky pfysib`m ohny grustr`tcn oy mhsila tfc hpphrtulity th bhlvcrsc gurtfcr witf fcr, out `msh f`ppy tf`t I f`n clbhultcrcn fcr. I nhl't tfile I cvcr f`n subf ` l`tur`m `ln kc`lilagum bhlvcrs`tihl witf `lyhlc il ` prhdcbtihl ocghrc tfis."
0:< (Fcrc's `l cx`kpmc hg ` tikc I w`s `t ` "rcf`o bcltcr" wfibf is hlc hg tfc pm`bcs tf`t rcbcltmy ncbc`scn pchpmc ah. ^fc ghmmhwila cxbcrpt is is grhk ` vcry mhla prhdcbtihl. I w`s il tfis pm`bc ghr ` mhla mhla tikc. Fcrc I `k hlmy prcscltila prcscltila hlc p`rtibum`r kcctila ?::
grhk tfis prhdcbtihl. prhdcbtihl. I kct ` k`l wfhk I suspcbt f`n dust nicn (hg bhursc I f`vc lh w`y th bhlgirk tfis, tfhuaf yhu wimm scc I tricn th act ilghrk`tihl grhk fik). Fc w`s il o`n sf`pc `ln lccncn fcmp hg shrts, `s yhu wimm scc.) "...I w`s il tfc vhin `ln I struaamcn ikkcni`tcmy th g`nc o`be il. I spul rhuln `ln rhuln, `ln `ln g`ncn il `a`il `t tfc tfc pm`bc I f`n dust mcgt. It w`s `pp`rclt `pp`rclt th kc oy lhw tf`t I kust oc `t shkc trckclnhus rcf`o bcltcr, miec tfc typc _hocrt _hocrt Khlrhc Khlrhc ncsbriocn ncsbriocn il fis ohhes. ohhes. I w`s st`lnila hutsinc oy tfc cltr`lbc I f`n sccl khkclts `ah. ^frhuaf tfc nhhr I bhu bhumn mn scc tfc o`r I w`s dust `t. Qfcl I `btu`mmy g`ncn il, I ghuln kyscmg gmhppila `rhuln hl tfc arhuln arhuln miec miec ` gisf hut hg w`tcr. Qfcl I f`n bhkpmctcmy k`tcri`mizcn, I pummcn kyscmg th ky gcct `ln dukpcn tfrhuaf `l hpcl wilnhw lcxt th tfc cltr`lbc nhhrs. I ghuln kyscmg kyscmg il ` rhhk rhhk `nd`bclt th tfc o`r, `ln I s`w tfc o`r il tfc lcxt rhhk hvcr. ^fis rhhk w`s mittmc, witf w`mms ` whhncl t`omc il tfctfc kinnmc hg tfcp`sty rhhkarccl rhhk. . ^fcrc w`s`ln ` stc`k r`ni`thr `a`ilst w`mm `ln ` whhncl oclbf lcxt th tfis, `ln ` ouk w`s smccpila hl tfc oclbf. oclbf. ^fcrc wcrc twh twh nhhrs5 hlc mc`nila o`be th tfc o`r, o`r, tfc tfc htfcr, htfcr, hpphsitc hpphsitc tfis, tfis, bmhscn. bmhscn. ^fcrc w`s ` fhspit`m pusf b`rt sittila il grhlt hg tfc bmhscn nhhr `ln tfcrc w`s ` auy wr`ppcn il o`ln`acs sittila hl tfis b`rt. Fc w`s st`rila `t kc `ln I st`rtcn th s`y shkctfila th fik. Fc scckcn `lary `t kc `ln tfcl fc mulacn mulacn `t kc `ln `tt`becn kc. Lccnmcss th s`y, I w`s surpriscn. I s`in shkctfila th fik th tfc cggcbt, "^f`t w`s tfc wrhla khvc ounny, I elhw khrc `ohut wf`t's ahila hl `rhuln fcrc tf`l yhu nh. ^fcrc `il't lh w`y yhu b`l furt kc. @ln I elhw tf`t yhu nhl't elhw I b`l't furt yhu." @btu`mmy I w`sl't il tfc mc`st oit `lary hr k`n `t fik b`usc I'k surc surc fc f`n lh inc` wf`t w`s ahila hl. Rtimm, I gcmt miec ocila k`bfh, `ln I f`n th nh shkctfila th scttmc fik nhwl. I gmippcn fik th tfc gmhhr `ln st`rtcn phulnila fik ilth tfc arhuln. arhuln. I mitcr`mmy gm`ttclcn fik hut miec ` p`lb`ec! It w`s miec ` b`rthhl. Out wfcl I s`w tf`t fc w`sl't ocila `aarcssivc `lykhrc, I sthppcn tfr`sfila ?:0
`ln fcmpcn fik "php" o`be hut th 2-N , `ln fcmpcn fik th fis gcct. Fc scckcn surpriscn tf`t lcitfcr hg us w`s il tfc mc`st oit sb`tfcn `gtcr hur sbuggmc. Fis `ttitunc w`s sialigib`ltmy niggcrclt. Fc w`s khrc suokissivc `ln griclnmy. Fc aht o`be hl fis b`rt `ln I st`rtcn th pusf fik hut hut thw`rns tfc o`r. I `secn fik ig fc w`s nc`n (sccila tf`t fc w`s hl tfc fhspit`m strctbfcr `ln `mm). Puitc th ky surprisc, fc s`in fc f`n nicn tfc liaft ocghrc. I `secn ig k`yoc it's tf`t fc's occl nc`n ghr ` yc`r (@s I writc tfis cltry I nhl't rckckocr wf`t ky mhaib w`s il `seila fik tfis). tfis). Fc s`in shkctfila `ohut `ohut acttila ilth ` giaft witf fis N`n. I `secn fik wfcrc fc w`s grhk, `ln fc s`in "tfc M`ln-H-M`ecs, grhk In`fh." I `secn ghr fis `nnrcss out fc kukomcn lhlsclsc. Fc thmn kc fis fis l`kc out I b`l't rckckocr it lhw. lhw. Fis nckc`lhr w`s iltcrcstila. Fc scckcn bhltckpm`tivc, quitc `oshrocn `oshrocn il fis tfhuafts. Fc f`n rcsphlncn khrc khrc iltcmmiacltmy th kc tf`l `lyhlc f`n th tfis philt il tfc prhdcbtihl. I wfccmcn fik up th `lhtfcr nhhr `ln g`ncn hut..."
00< (Fcrc is `l cx`kpmc hg fhw p`r`nhxib`m it is th try th tcmm shkchlc yhu kcct tf`t yhu `rc il tfc `str`m pm`lc.) "...Qf`t tfc situ`tihl w`s tf`t, nurila `l cpishnc I`ln f`nocb`kc kct `l mhvcrs ulg`kimi`r Qc gcmmwcrc il mhvc ikkcni`tcmy (`ln airm. tfc gccmilas quitc silbcrc, I sfhumn `nn). I elcw I w`s prhdcbtila, out cvcrytfila w`s cxtrckcmy rc`m `ln I cvcl gcmt tf`t I nin lht f`vc th ah o`be. I gcmt gcmt tf`t, ig I bfhsc, I bhumn sikpmy ghract cltircmy `ohut ky pfysib`m pm`lc migc `ln st`y riaft wfcrc I w`s `t, `ln it whumnl't f`vc ohtfcrcn ohtfcrcn ky shum il tfc mc`st. I elcw I bhumn nh tfis ig I rc`mmy w`ltcn, `ln I w`s tckptcn oy tfc phssioimity, out I umtik`tcmy ncbincn tf`t I whumn ah o`be. @t `ly r`tc, ky mhvcrQc `ln I f`n ahlc hut tfrhuaf shkc `nvclturcs thactfcr. wcrc bhkila hg ` ?:?
khvic, `ln I gcmt I whumn f`vc th sprila tfc trutf hl fcr. I thmn fcr tf`t I bhumnl't st`y witf fcr fcr ocb`usc I w`s grhk `lhtfcr pm`lc hg cxistclbc. Rfc ninl't ghmmhw kc `t girst, sh I cm`ohr`tcn `ln thmn fcr fhw I f`n ` pfysib`m ohny `ln tf`t it w`s smccpila o`be il tfc pfysib`m whrmn, `ln tf`t I'n shhl f`vc th ah o`be tfcrc. Rfc mhhecn `t kc, witf sh kubf mhvc il fcr cycs, `ln sfc tfhuaft I w`s dheila witf fcr. Rfc s`in `s kubf `ln a`vc kc ` fua `ln ` eiss. I w`s bhkpmctcmy bhkpmctcmy mhst ghr whrns `ln dust mcgt it `t tf`t. @s it turls hut, wc st`rtcn acttila scxu`m sfhrtmy tfcrc`gtcr, `ln l`tur`mmy, hlbc I st`rtcn acttila scxu`mmy cxbitcn, I g`ncn hut. Lhw wf`t w`s sialigib`lt `ohut tfis p`rtibum`r cpishnc w`s wfcl I w`s tryila th cxpm`il th fcr tf`t I w`s grhk tfc pfysib`m pfysib`m whrmn. Fcrc wc `rc, fcr `ln I, w`meila `rk il `rk, nhwl ` sincw`me il tfc kinnmc hg tfc bity. @ln I'k tryila th tcmm fcr fcr I'k grhk tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Out wfcrc I w`s st`lnila st`lnila `t tf`t khkclt gcmt dust `s rc`m, ig lht khrc rc`m tf`l `lytfila il ky pfysib`m cxpcriclbc. ^h s`y tf`t wfcrc wfcrc I w`s st`lnila st`lnila `t `t tf`t khkclt w`s lht rc`m, lht pfysib`m, shulncn `osurn cvcl `s I w`s tryila th cxpm`il th fcr. I rc`mizcn tf`t it is ikphssiomc th rc`mmy bhlvcy th tfcsc pchpmc il tfc `str`m whrmn tf`t tfcy `rc lht il tfc "pfysib`m whrmn". whrmn". ^h tfck, wfcrc tfcy `rc `t is bhkpmctcmy bhkpmctcmy rc`m - th tfck. ^fcy nhl't f`vc pfysib`m ohnics th ah ah o`be o`be th. @ln nc`n nc`n pchpmc pchpmc ghract vcry quibemy tfcir pfysib`m mivcs. I elcw I w`s il ` rc`mk hg "nc`n pchpmc" - I dust elcw, ilstilbtivcmy. Nrc`kcrs `bt stupin - tfcy nh `mm tfc tfilas tf`t wc, yhu `ln I, tfc pchpmc wfh nrc`k, elhw wc nh il hur nrc`ks. Qfcrc I w`s `t il tfis cxpcriclbc w`s sikpmy migc `s usu`m. I w`s il shkc shkc `str`m `str`m thwl wfcrc `str`m pchpmc pchpmc (wfh wc whumn b`mm "nc`n pchpmc") wcrc sikpmy mivila hut tfcir `str`m mivcs, bhkpmctcmy ul`w`rc tf`t hur pfysib`m pm`lc cxists. ^fis w`s lht th oc tfc m`st tikc tf`t I whumn bhlgusc `l `str`m pcrshl oy tcmmila tfck tf`t tfcy wcrc lht il ` "pfysib`m" whrmn."
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0?< (^fis gil`m cltry I sf`mm prcsclt `ohut kcctila pchpmc w`s `btu`mmy phstcn fcrc hl BhkpuRcrvc tfc n`y `gtcr tfc prhdcbtihl hbburrcn (Ncb. 0>, 099?). 099?). Il tfis prhdcbtihl I kct shkchlc wfh w`s `w`rc tf`t fc w`s nrc`kila. ^fis w`s ` khst `sthulnila cxpcriclbc hl ky p`rt `ln tfc girst tikc `lytfila miec tfis f`s cvcr f`ppclcn th kc. Yhu wimm lhtibc, girst, tf`t I tricn th act vcrigi`omc ilghrk`tihl grhk tfis pcrshl, `ln scbhln, fhw niggibumt it w`s ghr fik th bhlbcltr`tc.) "...^fc gil`m cpishnc I rcb`mm w`s tfc khst nr`k`tib. I w`s khvila il tfc vhin `ln shkcfhw mhbecn ilth `l cpishnc. I scckcn th oc hl `l hutnhhr p`tih il ` p`re hr shkctfila. shkctfila. ^fcrc w`s ` arhup hg pchpmc sittila `t ` piblib t`omc `ln ` gcw gcct `w`y `lhtfcr arhup sittila `t hlc hg tfhsc rhuln, wfitc kct`m p`tih t`omcs. ^fcy scckcn th `mm oc thactfcr. I `pprh`bfcn tfck witf ky st`ln`rn qucstihl hg tfc cvclila4 I `secn tfck ig `lyhlc elcw tfc n`tc. I aht ` oulbf hg lhlsclsib`m `lswcrs grhk tfc pchpmc `t tfc rhuln t`omc, tfilas miec "Its tfc ?ln". I'n s`y "tfc ?ln hg wf`t8" `ln act lh rc`shl`omc rcsphlsc. Out tfcl hlc hg tfc auys `t tfc piblib t`omc s`in "^fcrc is lh n`tc, tfis is ` nrc`k". I fc`rn tfis `ln w`s st`rtmcn miec I f`vcl't occl il ` mhla tikc. I turlcn `rhuln `ln oca`l t`meila th tfis auy. Fc w`s mhheila `t `mm fis griclns `s ig th s`y 'yhu nukkics, tfcrc b`l't oc `ly n`tc lhw ocb`usc ocb`usc wc `rc nrc`kila'. nrc`kila'. Fc mhhec mhhecn n th oc oc `ohut 23, orhwl f`ir, f`n hl prcppy bmhtfcs `ln mhhecn `ohut `s khncrl @kcrib`l `s yhu yhu b`l b`l act. I ocb`kc ocb`kc vcry cxbitcn. I `secn "yhu elhw wc `rc nrc`kila8" Fc `belhwmcnacn tfis. I bhumnl't ocmicvc fhw mubin fc w`s. Fc scckcn bhlguscn ` oit, `s ig fc w`s lht uscn th ocila sh mubin wfimc fc w`s nrc`kila. I `ssurcn fik fc w`s bhrrcbt. I s`in "^f`t's riaft wc `rc nrc`kila riaft lhw." ^fcl I `secn fik wfcrc fc w`s grhk. Fc s`in Killc`phmis, Killcsht`, Killcsht`, `ln k`nc shkc mittmc dhec `ohut tfc thwl `ln bfubemcn. @a`il, I w`s hvcrwfcmkcn oy fis mubinity. Fis `lswcrs wcrc quibe `ln subbilbt, tfhuaf fc f`n tf`t suotmc bhlgusihl tf`t bhkcs witf ocila mubin il ?:>
tfc nrc`k whrmn wfcl yhu `rc lht uscn th nhila sh. Fc mhhecn `s ig fc w`s surpriscn oy fis hwl rcsphlscs `s kubf `s I w`s. I thmn fik tf`t I thh w`s nrc`kila `ln tf`t I w`s grhk Nctrhit, Kibfia`l. Kibfia`l. I thmn fik tf`t tf`t wc wcrc ohtf nrc`kila riaft lhw `ln tfcl I `secn fik `a`il wf`t w`s tfc n`tc. Fc tfhuaft `ohut it ghr ` scbhln `ln s`in "^fc "^fc ?0st, lh, lh, tfc ?ln hg Ncbckocr Ncbckocr". ". I sf*t ky p`lts! Fc w`s rc`m . I bhumnl't ocmicvc it! ^fis f`n lcvcr f`ppclcn th kc ocghrc. I ikkcni`tcmy s`in, "Mhhe, tcmm kc yhur l`kc `ln pfhlc lukocr `ln I `k ahila th w`ec kyscmg up riaft lhw `ln b`mm yhu il Killc`phmis". Fc thmn kc fis l`kc, wfibf I nh lht rckckocr lhw. Fc w`s sittila tfcrc tryila th rcb`mm fis pfhlc lukocr. I bhumn tcmm fc w`s f`vila niggibumty il nhila sh, wfibf is lht ulbhkkhl ghr kc cvcl wfcl I prhdcbt. @ln tfcl, `mkhst witfhut w`rlila, I g`ncn hut `ln w`s myila `w`ec il ky ocn. @s I gcmt kyscmg g`nila I ocb`kc ilgilitcmy nis`pphiltcn. I `whec tfileila "Rh bmhsc, yct sh g`r". Yct, `t tfc s`kc tikc, I w`s vcry cxbitcn. ^fis is tfc girst tikc I cvcr kct `ln t`mecn th `lyhlc il ` prhdcbtihl tf`t w`s sh mubin `ln f`n ` arip hvcr pfysib`m pfysib`m kckhrics kckhrics miec tfis auy nin. I m`in il ocn ghr ` gcw khkclts tryila th a`tfcr tfc kckhrics thactfcr, tfcl I gcmm `smccp ghr tfc liaft."
^h wr`p up tfis scbtihl hl kcctila pchpmc nurila HHOCs, I whumn miec th k`ec ` bhupmc bhupmc hg bmhsila bhkkclts. bhkkclts. @t tfc st`rt hg tfis I nisbusscn w`ysHHOC th vcrigy yhurFhwcvcr, kcctilas `gtcr witf pchpmc yhu scbtihl clbhultcr wfimc il tfc rc`mk. `gt cr rc`nila tfrhuaf tfc cxbcrpts grhk ky dhurl`m, I fhpc yhu b`l `pprcbi`tc dust fhw niggibumt `bquirila subf ilghrk`tihl is. ^fcrc `rc twh g`bthrs tf`t k`ec tfis ` niggibumt clnc`vhr. Girst, `s wc f`vc sccl, is tfc g`bt tf`t pchpmc `rc usu`mmy il ` n`zc wfcl yhu kcct tfck il ` prhdcbtihl. Yhu `se tfck ` sikpmc qucstihl qucstihl miec "Qf`t is yhur l`kc8" `ln yhu act ` a`ro`ac `lswcr, hr kukoh dukoh, hr tfcy s`y "I nhl't elhw". ^fus, ig yhu b`l't act `ly ilghrk`tihl grhk tfck il tfc girst pm`bc, yhu `rc hovihusmy il lh phsitihl th vcrigy tfis pcrshl's incltity, wfctfcr tfcy wcrc nrc`kila hr wcrc ncbc`scn. ?:3
Lhw, tfc scbhln rc`shl it is sh niggibumt `bquirila vcrigi`omc ilghrk`tihl nurila `l HHOC f`s th nh witf rct`ilila tfc ilghrk`tihl yhu act. Ghr, `s is immustr`tcn il tfc `ohvc cltrics, it is vcry niggibumt th rckckocr sikpmc g`bts hr nct`ims tf`t yhu mc`rl il ` prhdcbtihl. K`ly tikcs shkchlc whumn tcmm kc tfcir l`kc hr shkc shkc htfcr sikpmc n`t`, `ln I whumn ghract wf`t tfcy s`in `mkhst `s shhl `s it w`s s`in. Hr, pcrf`ps I whumn rckckocr nurila tfc prhdcbtihl, I `whec@ln I whumn ghract tfc ilghrk`tihl ocghrc rcbhrnila itout il hlbc ky dhurl`m. ocb`usc I ghract tfis ilghrk`tihl ilghrk `tihl sh c`simy nhcs lht kc`l I f`vc ` o`n kckhry. Qf`tcvcr is ahila hl fcrc is dust lht tf`t sikpmc. ^fcrc is shkctfila `ohut ocila mubin il tfc HHOC rc`mk tf`t k`ecs it ilfcrcltmy niggibumt th rckckocr stugg. @ln gurtfcr, tfc prhbcss hg b`rryila tfc ilghrk`tihl o`be fcrc th tfc pfysib`m pm`lc is `msh `lhtfcr g`bthr tf`t b`l b`usc hlc th ghract ghract wf`t hbburrcn nurila tfc prhdcbtihl. prhdcbtihl. ^fis is wfy I strcsscn c`rmy hl tfc lccn th strclatfcl yhur `oimity th rckckocr nrc`ks `ln th `mw`ys m`y `ln try th rckckocr `s kubf hg yhur prhdcbtihl `s yhu b`l `s shhl `s yhu w`ec up, hr th k`ec kclt`m lhtcs th yhurscmg wfimc IL tfc prhdcbtihl5 `mm hg tfcsc tfilas fcmp strclatfcl yhur kckhrics sh yhu b`l b`rry tfck `brhss tfc ohrncr octwccl tfc pfysib`m `ln tfc nrc`k rc`mks. Rh, tfc ohtthk milc is tf`t acttila vcrigi`omc ilghrk`tihl nurila `l HHOC is lh c`sy t`se. Rhkc pchpmc (cspcbi`mmy p`r`psybfhmhay typcs) f`vc sikpmistib `ln l`ivc lhtihls `ohut `bquirila ilghrk`tihl nurila `l HHOC, `s ig kckhrizila ` g`bt wfimc hut-hg-ohny is tfc s`kc `s kckhrizila ` g`bt wfimc il yhur ohny. ^fis dust isl't wf`t's ahila hl. ^h rcpc`t4 it is f`rn th act sikpmc g`bts hut hg tfc pchpmc yhu kcct nurila `l HHOC `ln, it is `msh `olhrk`mmy `olhrk`m my niggibumt niggibumt thghrahttcl rct`il tfcsc g`bts yhu act tfcl tfck.tfcy Ig tfcy `rc lht ikkcni`tcmy nurila tfcig HHOC, b`l c`simy oc ghrahttcl `s hlc's bhlsbihuslcss p`sscs grhk tfc HHOC rc`mk o`be th tfc pfysib`m rc`mk. @ln `a`il, tfcsc g`bthrs f`vc lhtfila th nh witf fhw ahhn hr o`n yhur kckhry seimms `rc fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc wfcl yhu `rc `w`ec. ^fcsc kckhry prhomcks scck th oc ilfcrclt th tfc HHOC st`tc itscmg `ln th tfc l`turc hg tfc tr`lsitihl grhk ocila mubin il tfc HHOC th rcturlila fcrc th tfc pfysib`m whrmn. ^fis g`bt is is prho`omy ` vit`m vit`m bmuc th ttfc fc l`turc hg tfc HHOC st`tc `ln its rcm`tihlsfip th hur w`eila bhlsbihuslcss.
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Rh, wf`t b`l yhu nh `ohut tfis8 I b`llht strcss clhuaf fhw ikphrt`lt tfc kckhry cxcrbiscs cxcrbiscs I prcsbriocn `rc. Yhu f`vc th th nh cvcrytfila il yhur phwcr th strclatfcl tfc kckhry bhllcbtihl octwccl yhur w`eila `ln yhur nrc`k kiln, `ln yhu f`vc th vcry bhlsbicltihusmy whre th rckckocr ohtf yhur nrc`ks `ln yhur HHOCs. Yhu f`vc th th whre th ncvcmhp f`oits tf`t wimm clsurc tf`t yhu b`l subbcssgummy b`rry yhur kckhrics o`be `ln ghrtf octwccl tfis pfysib`m whrmntfcsc `ln kckhry tfc whrmnprhomcks il wfibf`rcHHOCs `lnhult`omc nrc`ks hbbur. Hovihusmy, lht ilsurkhult`omc ilsurk o`rricrs `s ky rcbhrncn cxpcriclbcs `ttcst th. Hlbc `a`il, pr`btibc k`ecs pcrgcbt `ln tfc khrc yhu pr`btibc, tfc khrc miecmy yhu wimm oc subbcssgum.
Acttila Ilth ^rhuomc
Nurila `l HHOC, tfcrc `rc twh w`ys th act ilth trhuomc4 `. ^frc`tclila situ`tihls o. Ocila ` trhuomc k`ecr I wimm lht nwcmm hl tfcsc `t `ly arc`t mclatf, out I nh w`lt th bhkkclt hl tfck. ^fc girst w`y th act ilth trhuomc trhuomc is ig yhu giln yhur-scmg il ` tfrc`tclila situ`tihl. situ`tihl. I'vc nisbusscn tfis hgg `ln hl tfrhuafhut tfcsc lhtcs, sh I wimm hlmy sukk`rizc s`miclt philts yhu sfhumn rckckocr ig yhu gccm yhu `rc il ` tfrc`tclila situ`tihl wfimc hut-hg-ohny. Qf`t eiln hg tfrc`ts b`l yhu g`bc nurila `l HHOC8 Qcmm, yhu b`l kcct fhstimc cltitics, hr yhu k`y giln yhurscmg il ` rcaihl tf`t gccms tfrc`tclila. Il citfcr b`sc, `s I f`vc s`in tfrhuafhut, tfrhuafhut, subf birbukst`lbcs `rc il rc`mity LH^ tfrc`tclila situ`tihls. Yhu kust rckckocr tf`t yhu `rc o`sib`mmy ilncstrubtiomc nurila `l HHOC `ln lhtfila b`l f`rk yhu. I f`vc ghuln hbb`sihl th rckiln kyscmg nurila `l HHOC tf`t I thh `k hlc hg Ahn's brc`tihls, `ln I pcrshl`mmy f`vc ` g`itf tf`t s`ys Ahn nhcsl't ah `rhuln lccnmcssmy furtila (its8) brc`tihls. brc`tihls. Ahn nhcsl't furt us, ?:1
wc furt hurscmvcs. @ln khrc hgtcl tf`l lht, wc furt hurscmvcs ocb`usc wc `rc ialhr`lt hg b`uscs `ln cggcbts. Nurila `l HHOC tfc b`uscs hg hg wf`tcvcr tfrc`tclila situ`tihl wc k`y giln hurscmvcs il `rc hur hwl gc`rs, suobhlsbihus hr bhlsbihus. Gc`r is ncstrhycn ncstrhycn oy tfc miaft miaft hg `w`rclcss `w`rclcss `ln ulncrst`lnila. Rh, tfc w`y th nc`m witf sb`ry situ`tihls nurila `l HHOC is th hvcrbhkc yhur gc`rs hg tfilas yhu nh lht ulncrst`ln. Miec I s`in, tfcrc is ` prhbcss hg arhwtf k`turityhrilvhmvcn tfc f`vc `ttckpt th mc`rl `str`m prhdcbt, `ln `ln shhlcr m`tcr, yhuilwimm th g`bc tfis. th ^fcrc is lhtfila wrhla witf g`bila tfis. It is ahhn th g`bc it. It's b`mmcn "arhwila" . Lhw, ` kubf khrc scrihus phssioimity hg ` tfrc`tclila situ`tihl yhu k`y giln yhurscmg il f`s th nh witf yhur pfysib`m ohny. It is phssiomc tf`t yhu k`y cxpcriclbc ulpmc`s`lt cggcbts il yhur pfysib`m ohny wfcl tryila th prhdcbt. I, ghr cx`kpmc, f`vc ` lukocr hg tikcs rcturlcn grhk `l HHOC `ln, uphl w`eila, f`n ` tcrriomc fc`n`bfc. I f`vc `m `mw`ys w`ys f`n kiar`ilcs, cvcl ocghrc I st`rtcn prhdcbtila, out ` lukocr hg tikcs `gtcr prhdcbtila, I whumn w`ec up witf ` gumm sb`mc kiar`ilc. I f`vcl't `ly bcrt`ilty hg wfy tfis f`ppcls th kc, out it nhcs. I f`vc lhtibcn tf`t ig I ah witfhut smccp, subf `s wfcl I st`y up `mm liaft stunyila ghr `l cx`k, tf`t I wimm `msh act ky kiar`ilcs. I suspcbt tfc bhllcbtihl octwccl kiar`ilcs `ln HHOCs il ky b`sc f`s th nh witf m`be hg smccp. Qfcl hut-hg-ohny, hut-hg-ohny, yhu `rc LH^ smccpila, yhu `rc il ` tr`lbc. Ocila il tr`lbc is `pp`rcltmy ` niggcrclt pfysihmhaib`m bhlnitihl tf`l ocila `smccp, `ln ky ohny shkctikcs trc`ts `l HHOC `s ig I f`n ahlc witfhut smccp. I w`lt th strcss mhun `ln bmc`r tf`t I act ac t kiar`ilcs wfctfcr I prhdcbt hr lht. lht. I ocmicvc tf`t tf`t acttila tfcsc fc`n`bfcs is spcbigib th kc. Ig yhu nh lht rcaum`rmy act kiar`ilcs, tfcl yhu wimm prho`omy lht f`vc tfis prhomck. @ln hl tfc htfcr f`ln, I w`lt th strcss tf`t vcry hgtcl, uphl w`eila grhk `l HHOC, I gccm arc`t. I gccm miaft `ln tilamy. I f`vc lht bhultcn, out I elhw I cxpcriclbc tfis pmc`s`lt gccmila uphl w`eila grhk `l HHOC kubf khrc hgtcl tf`l I cxpcriclbc tfc fc`n`bfcs uphl w`eila. @lhtfcr tfila yhu f`vc th w`tbf hut ghr ilvhmvcs wf`t hbbumtists b`mm "euln`mili". I nh lht w`lt th ah ilth ` gumm sb`mc ?:6
ncgilitihl hg euln`mili fcrc. Out ghr hur purphscs, wc b`l ncgilc euln`mili `s ` m`tclt clcray tf`t c`bf hg us phsscsscs. Qfcl tfis clcray is "`w`eclcn" hr orhuaft hut hg its m`tclt st`tc, it b`uscs us th f`vc psybfib `oimitics, `khla htfcr tfilas. It is tfc euln`mili clcray tf`t is il m`rac p`rt rcsphlsiomc ghr tfc `oimity th prhdcbt/f`vc `l HHOC. HHOC. ^fc bfimms `ln sfivcrs yhu k`y gccm gccm `s yhu ah nccpcr ilth tr`lbc `rc ` rcsumt hg `w`eclila yhur euln`mili. Euln`mili is ` vcry phwcrgum clcray `ln tfcrc is ` phssioimity tf`t it k`y `ggcbt yhur pfysib`m ohny. Miec I s`in, `s yhu ah ilth tr`lbc yhu k`y gccm bfimms hr sfivcrs. Yhu k`y gccm ` prcssurc `t tfc o`be hg yhur lcbe. Yhu k`y gccm ` prcssurc prcssurc octwccl yhur mcas `t yhur scx hra`ls. Khst hg tfc tikc, subf scls`tihls `rc f`rkmcss. Fhwcvcr, ig yhu gccm `ly eiln hg scls`tihls wfimc tryila th mc`vc yhur ohny tf`t b`uscs p`il, tfcl sthp. Nhl't ghrbc yhurscmg. Dust sthp tryila th prhdcbt prhdcbt `ln try `a`il m`tcr. m`tcr. Rubf p`il is ` rcsumt rcsumt hg tfc euln`mili clcray nhila tfilas prck`turcmy `ln, ig yhu ghrbc tfis clcray thh shhl, yhu QIMM furt yhurscmg. I nhl't w`lt th sb`rc `lyohny s`yila tfcsc tfilas. Fhwcvcr, it is shkctfila yhu lccn th th oc `w`rc `w`rc hg. Bf`lbcs `rc yhu wimm LCWC_ cxpcriclbc cxpcriclbc `ly euln`mili ilnubcn p`il. ^fis is r`rcmy rcphrtcn rcphrtcn oy oy pchpmc tf`t prhdcbt. Fhwcvcr, I hlbc gcmt ` str`lac p`il octwccl ky mcas `ln I ninl't ghrbc it. I dust sthppcn tryila th prhdcbt ghr tf`t scssihl. scssihl. @ln I w`s gilc. Lhtfila o`n o`n f`ppclcn th kc, `ln I f`vc lcvcr silbc cxpcriclbcn `lytfila sikim`r. @a`il tfhuaf, I `k philtila philtila tfis phssioimity phssioimity hut th yhu dust il tfc r`rc b`sc tf`t yhu nh gccm p`il il yhur ohny wfcl tryila th prhdcbt. ^h rcpc`t4 yhu wimm prho`omy LH^ f`vc th whrry `ohut tfis. ^fc scbhln `spcbt hg acttila ilth trhuomc nurila `l HHOC is oy ocila ` trhuomc trhuomc k`ecr il tfc HHOC rc`mk. rc`mk. _hocrt Khlrhc nisbusscs subf pchpmc `ln b`mms tfck "wimn hlcs". Ssu`mmy tfcsc `rc ncbc`scn pchpmc wfh f`vc ocaul th rc`mizc tf`t tfcy b`l gmy, p`ss tfrhuaf w`mms, brc`tc tfilas (tfhuaft-ghrks) witf tfcir kiln, ctb. ^fcsc pchpmc wimm `bt il w`ys tf`t wc whumn bhlsincr "kisbficvhus" hr k`yoc cvcl nhwlriaft ocmmiacrclt. Lhw, hlbc yhu act ilth tfc HHOC rc`mk `ln st`rt th gccm bhkghrt`omc tfcrc, yhu wimm oc il ` phsitihl th oc ` "wimn "wimn hlc" thh. O`sib`mmy, yhu b`l nh `lytfila `lytfila yhu w`lt il tfc HHOC rc`mk `ln act `w`y witf it. @s ` khrc oclial cx`kpmc, I wimm hgtcl w`me ilth fhuscs wfimc I `k prhdcbtila `ln ?:9
cxpmhrc grccmy, wfctfcr wfctfcr I `k ilvitcn il hr lht. ^fis is shkctfila I `oshmutcmy whumn whumn lcvcr nh fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Hlbc, ghr cx`kpmc, I w`mecn ilth ` fhusc `ln tfcrc w`s ` g`kimy tfcrc. I wclt ilth tfc eitbfcl `ln st`rtcn cxpmhrila tfcir rcgriacr`thr. I ghuln ` a`mmhl hg kime `ln nr`le it (str`iaft hut hg tfc dua!) th scc ig it f`n ` t`stc (ilbinclt`mmy it t`stcn `ln gcmt miec rc`m kime). Kc`lwfimc, tfcy wcrc st`rila `t kc whlncrila wf`t I w`s nhila il tfcir fhusc, tfhuaf tfcy f`n tfc typib`m lhl mubinity tf`t pchpmc f`vc hvcr tfcrc. I k`nc sk`mm sk`mm t`me witf tfck `ln tfcl gmcw gmcw hut tfrhuaf tfc nhhr `ln mcgt. @a`il, tfis is is shkctfila I whumn lht nh fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Ig yhu mhhe o`be cvcl `t tfc cltrics I'vc mistcn il tfcsc lhtcs yhu'mm scc k`ly cx`kpmcs hg ky ocila ` "wimn hlc"4 wfcl I rippcn nhwl tfc w`mm hg tfc fhusc sh I bhumn ah hut ilth tfc r`il5 wfcl I `tc tf`t Outmcr's ("Nubfcik's") punnila5 wfcl I "gm`ttclcn" tfc kc`l auy I kct il tfc rcf`o bcltcr. @mm tfcsc `rc cx`kpmcs hg kc mcttila ah hg tfc ilfioitihls I whumn lhrk`mmy f`vc fcrc il pfysib`m migc `ln ghr nhila cx`btmy wf`t Ihggcmt nhila witf `oshmutcmy lh bhlbcrl tfc bhlscquclbcs ky miec `btihls. It's lht cvcl tf`t I f`n lh bhlbcrl ghr tfc bhlscquclbcs hg ky `btihls - tfcrc wcrc lh bhlscquclbcs! ^fc pchpmc yhu kcct nurila `l HHOC `rc il usu`mmy lh phsitihl th bf`mmclac yhur ocf`vihr. Yhu wimm clbhultcr cxbcptihls th tfis sh nhl't act bhkpm`bclt. Rh, `mm I w`lt th nh is philt hut tfis g`bct hg tfc HHOC/prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc. It is bhkpmctcmy up th yhur khr`m k`ecup `s th fhw yhu wimm ocf`vc nurila `l HHOC. I'mm mc`vc it th tfhsc hg yhu witf ncvi`lt ik`ail`tihls th bhkc up witf htfcr tfilas yhu bhumn act `w`y witf nurila ` prhdcbtihl tf`t yhu bhumn lcvcr nrc`k hg nhila fcrc. Lhw, k`yoc wf`t I'k s`yila fcrc shulns miec ` bhkpmctc bhltr`nibtihl th wf`t I s`in `t tfc ocaillila hg tfcsc lhtcs `ohut tfc lccn th f`vc khr`ms ig yhu w`lt th oc ` subbcssgum `str`m prhdcbthr. Lhw, fc`r kc ahhn4 I `k LH^ s`yila th th oc kc`l, I `k LH^ s`yila th furt `lytfila hr `lyohny, `ln I `k LH^ s`yila th oc cvim nurila yhur prhdcbtihls. It wimm oc hl yhur bhlsbiclbc ig yhu ncbinc th `bt tfis w`y wfimc hut-hg-ohny. Qf`t I `k s`yila tfhuaf tfhuaf is F@WC @ RCLRC HG FSKH_. F`vila khr`ms nhcs lht kc`l kc`l yhu f`vc f`vc th oc nc`n scrihus `mm tfc tikc. ^fc HHOC rc`mk ?0:
prhvincs `kpmc hpphrtulity th `bt il w`ys tf`t yhu sikpmy b`llht `bt fcrc, `ln prhvincs ` kc`ls th migt yhur ilfioitihls `ln cxpcriclbc ` typc hg grccnhk hg `btihl tf`t is sikpmy ikphssiomc il tfis pfysib`m whrmn. I rcbhkkcln yhu cxpmhrc tfis grccnhk.
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Bf`ptcr > Q`eila Sp, _cturlila O`be ^h ^fc Zfysib`m _c`mk
fc gil`m p`rt hg `ly HHOC bhlsists hg yhur rcturl th tfis pfysib`m pfysib`m whrmn. whrmn. I whumn whumn lhw miec miec th bhkkclt hl tfc prhbcss hg w`eila up grhk `l HHOC. ^fhuaf I'vc occl usila tfc cxprcssihl tfrhuafhut tfcsc lhtcs, it's eiln hg ` kislhkcr th s`y "w`eila up grhk `l HHOC" ocb`usc yhu f`vc occl `w`ec (i.c. (i.c. mubin) `mm `mhla! @btu`mmy, wf`t f`ppcls is yhu bhkc hut hg yhur tr`lbc. Mct kc girst girst ncsbrioc tfc tfc l`turc hg tfc tr`lsitihl grhk tfc HHOC o`be fcrc th tfc pfysib`m, `ln tfcl I wimm sukk`rizc tfc suaacstihls I f`vc prcscltcn tfrhuafhut tfc lhtcs tf`t pcrt`il th tfc tr`lsitihl grhk tfc HHOC o`be fcrc th tfc pfysib`m.
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^fcrc `rc twh w`ys tf`t tfc "w`eila up" prhbcss k`y hbbur4 0. It is `orupt. ?. Yhu f`vc ` "g`msc `w`eclila". Il `btu`m g`bt, wfcl yhur HHOC is gilisfcn, yhu wimm `oruptmy w`ec up o`be fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m pm`lc. Bhkila hut hg `l HHOC is LH^ w`eila up grhk smccp. Ssu`mmy wfcl wc w`ec up grhk smccp miec wc p`ss tfrhuaf ` fyplhphkib pcrihn (rcb`mm tf`t fyplhphkpib kc`ls fyplhahai` nurila w`eila up), hr `t mc`st wc mic il ocn gccmila nrc`ky `ln bhkghrt`omc `ln k`ly tikcs nh lht w`lt th act hut hg ocn riaft `w`y. Bhkila hut hg ` prhdcbtihl is kubf niggcrclt grhk grhk tfis. tfis. ^fc tr`lsitihl tr`lsitihl is bhkpmctcmy `orupt `orupt `ln yhu wimm giln yhurscmg winc `w`ec myila hl yhur ocn. @s I s`in, yhu k`y cvcl gccm "miaft `ln tilamy" wfcl yhu rcturl fcrc th tfc pfysib`m, hr il r`rc b`scs yhu k`y gccm tircn tircn `ln ulrcstcn. @ln th rcpc`t, il vcry r`rc b`scs yhu k`y `btu`mmy gccm pcrf`ps ` fc`n`bfc. @ln tf`t's it5 yhur HHOC wimm oc hvcr. It's lhw tikc th a`tfcr up yhur kckhrics hg yhur HHOC `ln rcbhrn it il yhur dhurl`m. Fhwcvcr, tfcrc `rc bcrt`il bhkpmib`tihls tf`t b`l `risc wfibf I lccn th bhkkclt hl. Qf`t b`l f`ppcl k`ly tikcs is tf`t yhu wimm tfile yhu `rc `w`ec o`be fcrc hl tfc pfysib`m, out il g`bt yhu `rc LH^. LH^. ^fis is b`mmcn ` "g`msc `w`eclila" oy Hmivcr Ghx Ghx `l `utfhr hl hl `str`m prhdcbtihl. O`sib`mmy, yhu wimm bhkc hut hg tfc tfc HHOC `ln tfile yhu `rc pfysib`m `a`il, out yhu wimm `btu`mmy stimm oc prhdcbtila! @ luk lukocr ocr hg tikcs I f`vc whecl up grhk `l HHOC, m`in a`tfcrila ky kckhrics `ln prhkptmy ahttcl up `ln st`rtcn rcbhrnila ky cxpcriclbc il ky dhurl`m hlmy th nisbhvcr I w`s lht rc`mmy `w`ec fcrc il tfc pfysib`m! Qfcl yhu f`vc ` g`msc `w`eclila, tfcrc `rc o`sib`mmy twh w`ys yhu wimm rcsphln th it. Citfcr yhu wimm rc`mizc tf`t yhu `rc stimm prhdcbtila hr yhu wimm lht. Ig yhu nh lht rc`mizc yhu f`n f`n ` g`msc g`msc `w`eclila, it wimm ocbhkc miec ` lhrk`m nrc`k `ln yhu k`y ah hgg `ln nh htfcr tfilas, bf`r`btcristib hg yhur nrc`k ocf`vihr, hlmy th giln yhurscmg w`eila up ghr rc`m fcrc fcrc il tfc pfysib`m shkctikc m`tcr. @ lukocr hg tfilas k`y scrvc `s bmucs th fcmp yhu rc`mizc yhu f`vc f`n ` g`msc g`msc `w`eclila. Girst, yhu k`y oc il ` bhkpmctcmy ulg`kimi`r clvirhlkclt. ^f`t is, yhu k`y "w`ec up" il shkc ulg`kimi`r rhhk out oc ulncr tfc ikprcssihl yhu f`vc clncn yhur HHOC `ln `ln f`vc rcturlcn th tfc pfysib`m. Ig yhu stimm f`vc `ly ?02
mubinity, yhu wimm quibemy rcbhalizc tfc g`bt tf`t yhu `rc il `l ulg`kimi`r pm`bc, `ln tf`t sfhumn triaacr il yhu tfc rc`miz`tihl tf`t yhu f`n ` g`msc `w`eclila. It k`y oc tf`t yhu f`vc ` g`msc `w`eclila, out yhu `rc ilnccn il yhur ocnrhhk hr wfcrcvcr yhu f`n prhdcbtcn grhk. grhk. Il tfis b`sc, yhu k`y scc suotmc bmucs tf`t wimm rctriaacr yhur mubinity, `ln fcmp yhu rc`mizc yhu f`n ` g`msc `w`eclila. Hlc tfila tf`t whumn f`ppcl th kc hgtcl, `ln tfcrc `rc cx`kpmcs hg tfis il ` bhupmc hg tfc dhurl`m cltrics I prcscltcn is tf`t I whumn mhhe `t ky bmhbe-r`nih th scc wf`t tikc it w`s uphl rcturlila grhk ky HHOC. Fhwcvcr, wfcl I whumn mhhe `t tfc bmhbe, I bhumn mimitcr`mmy tcr`mmy scc tfc ilsinc hg hg tfc bmhbe witf its ac`rs `ln subf khvila `rhuln. ^fis w`s usu`mmy clhuaf th bmuc kc il hl tfc g`bt tf`t I ninl't rc`mmy w`ec up out w`s stimm prhdcbtila. Rh, hlbc yhu rc`mizc tf`t yhu f`n ` g`msc `w`eclila, yhu wimm rc`mizc yhu `rc stimm oc prhdcbtila `ln yhu b`l bhltiluc th cxpmhrc tfc HHOC rc`mk. Rhkctikcs, nurila `l HHOC, yhu k`y w`lt th w`ec yhurscmg up. Ghr cx`kpmc, yhu k`y clbhultcr clbhultcr shkc shkc tfrc`tclila tfrc`tclila khlstcr hr subf `ln ncbinc tf`t yhu'n r`tfcr oc `w`ec. Rh, tfc qucstihl is4 fhw nh yhu w`ec yhurscmg up wfimc il tfc kinst hg `l HHOC8 Qcmm, ig yhu nh lht sphlt`lchusmy w`ec up nuc th tfc cxbitckclt (i.c. mhsc yhur mhbekhmn), tfcl wf`t yhu b`l nh is tfc ghmmhwila4 sf`ec yhurscmg vihmcltmy. Dust sf`ec yhurscmg `w`ec. ^fis is wf`t I ncsbrioc il ky ky N`resinc cpishnc cpishnc prcscltcn c`rmicr. Il tfis cxpcriclbc I w`s tcrrigicn. tcrrigicn. Rh I dukpcn o`be ilth ky ohny `ln st`rtcn sf`eila kyscmg `ln, cvcl tfhuaf il tfis b`sc I f`n shkc niggibumty, I cvcltu`mmy whec kyscmg o`be up fcrc th tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Zrcsukila yhu `rc rc`mmy lhw `w`ec fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn (i.c. lh g`msc `w`eclilas) `ln dust rcturlcn grhk `l HHOC, fcrc `rc tfc tfilas yhu w`lt th nh4 0. Girst tfila is th sikpmy m`y tfcrc `ln a`tfcr yhur kckhrics hg yhur yhur HHOC. Nh lht khvc hr tfile `ohut `lytfila cmsc ultim yhu f`vc rcb`mmcn `s kubf `s yhu b`l `ohut yhur HHOC. ?. Lcxt, ikkcni`tcmy rcbhrn yhur HHOC il yhur dhurl`m.
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@a`il, tfis b`l oc sikpmy dhttila nhwl ` quibe hutmilc, hr writila ` 0: p`ac l`rr`tivc. I nh, fhwcvcr, suaacst yhu writc nhwl cvcrytfila yhu b`l rckckocr, lh k`ttcr fhw mhla it is hr fhw mhla it t`ecs yhu. It is thh c`sy th ghract yhur cxpcri cxpcriclbcs clbcs hr nisthrt yhur kckhry hg tfck `s tikc ahcs hl, `ln tfc hlmy w`y yhu b`l au`r`ltcc `l `bbur`tc `bbhult hg yhur HHOC is th rcbhrn it wfimc it is stimm grcsf il yhur kiln. @msh, put put tfc n`tc `ln tikc hg yhur HHOC il yhur dhurl`m.
?03
Bf`ptcr 3 @strhmhay `ln HHOCs
s`in c`rmicr tf`t I whumn nisbuss usila `strhmhay th nctcrkilc ig hlctfis f`swimm ` prhpclsity thw`rns f`vila HHOCs. Lhw, oc ` shkcwf`t spcbi`mizcn nisbussihl `s it wimm k`ilmy oc hg iltcrcst th `strhmhacrs. Rh o`sib`mmy, ig yhu elhw lhtfila `ohut `strhmhay, yhu b`l seip tfis scbtihl.
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^fc ilghrk`tihl prcscltcn il tfis scbtihl f`s lhtfila pr`btib`m th nh witf f`vila HHOCs. HHOCs. I `k prcscltila tfcsc inc`s fcrc k`ilmy ocb`usc I f`vc ` runikclt`ry `oimity th rc`n oirtfbf`rts, `ln I f`vc tricn th nctcrkilc wf`t g`bthrs il ky bf`rt wcrc rcm`tcn th tfc g`bt g`bt tf`t I b`l `str`m prhdcbt. @ln `msh, I f`vc lcvcr sccl tfis thpib nisbusscn il `ly `strhmhay ohhe I f`vc rc`n, sh `s g`r `s I elhw, tfc ghmmhwila is ` bhkpmctcmy lcw `ppmib`tihl hg ?07
`strhmhay (ig `lyhlc hut tfcrc elhws octtcr, pmc`sc mct kc elhw!). Rh, tfc qucstihl th `strhmhacrs is4 `rc tfcrc g`bthrs il ` oirtf bf`rt tf`t wimm fcmp ilnib`tc ig tfc suodcbt f`s ` prhpclsity thw`rns f`vila HHOCs8 @s `ly `strhmhacr elhws, hlc b`l ncnubc ` prctty `bbur`tc prhgimc hg `l ilnivinu`m's pcrshl`mity ig hlc b`l bhlstrubt `ln subbcssgummy iltcrprct tf`t ilnivinu`m's oirtf bf`rt. Qf`t I wimm nh fcrc is aivc tfc ilghrk`tihl lcbcss`ry th bhlstrubt ky oirtf bf`rt, ncsbrioc tfc prhdcbt. g`bthrs il@gtcrw`rns, ky bf`rt tf`t sccknistimm thimmochut rcmcv`lt th ky `ln `oimity th `str`m I wimm nist wf`t k`y oc tfc k`dhr pcrshl`mity bf`r`btcristibs tf`t g`bimit`tc f`vila HHOCs. ^fcl, I whumn prcnibt tf`t pchpmc f`vila ` prcphlncr`lbc hg subf g`bthrs il tfcir bf`rt wimm f`vc ` arc`tcr prhpclsity thw`rns f`vila HHOCs tf`l pchpmc wfh nh lht f`vc subf g`bthrs prcnhkil`tila il tfcir bf`rt. Ocghrc I ocail, sh yhu `strhmhacrs hut tfcrc elhw wfcrc I `k bhkila grhk, ky cltirc `pprh`bf th `strhmhay stcks cxbmusivcmy grhk N`lc _unfy`r's Fuk`listib @strhmhay. ^fis is tfc hlmy `pprh`bf thw`rns, `ln pfimhshpfy hg, `strhmhay tf`t I elhw `ln pr`btibc. Rh, tfc o`sis ghr ky ky hwl iltcrprct`tihl iltcrprct`tihl hg ky oirtf bf`rt ncrivcs grhk ` Fuk`li Fuk`listib stib @strhmhay `pprh`bf. ^fis s`in, s`in, fcrc is ky oirtf n`t` th bhlstrubt ky l`t`m oirtf bf`rt4 •
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M`titunc4 >? L ?:.: (Nctrhit, KI)
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Mhlaitunc4 62 Q 2.:
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Fhusc Rystck4 B`kp`lus
N`tc4 Lhvckocr 9, 0973 ^ikc4 3406 ZK CR^
Qitf tfis n`t`, yhu b`l bhlstrubt ky l`t`m oirtf bf`rt `ln scc tfc prhpcrtics I wimm lhw lhw mist. ^fc ghmmhwila ghmmhwila mist hg g`bthrs grhk ky oirtf bf`rt `rc tfhsc tf`t I gccm `rc rcmcv`lt thw`rns ky `oimity th `str`m prhdcbt rcm`tivcmy c`simy4 0. 3:43: o`m`lbc hg tfc pm`lcts `ohvc `ln ocmhw tfc Fhrizhl, kc`lila ` pcrgcbt o`m`lbc hg suodcbtivc `ln hodcbtivc. Hr tfc `oimity th hodcbtigy suodcbtivc rc`mitics `ln suodcbtivc hodcbtivc rc`mitics. ^h k`ec hlc's illcr illcr nrc`k migc rc`m miec tfc w`eila cxpcriclbc, th k`ec hlcs rc`m hutcr hodcbtivc cxpcriclbc ilth ` nrc`k. ?01
?. Rul ocmhw Fhrizhl suaacstila `l ckpf`sis hl illcr suodcbtivc hriclt`tihl `ln cxpcriclbc, i.c. khrc iltrhvcrtcn tf`l cxtrhvcrtcn. 2. _ctrhar`nc Dupitcr il scbhln fhusc, wfibf is `msh ocmhw tfc Fhrizhl, suaacstila wc`mtf `ln `ouln`lbc hg ky illcr psybfhmhaib`m migc. >. Lcptulc bhldulbt th l`t`m Rul, suaacstila `l c`sy bf`llcmila octwccl ky migc cssclbc `ln hbbumt clcraics, clcraics phsscssila tfc qu`mity hg ilbmusivclcss. @msh, tfc am`khur `ln immusihl hg Lcptulc `rc `sshbi`tcn witf tfc `str`m pm`lc. 3. @msh ky rctrhar`nc R`turl, `mhla witf g`bthrs 2 `ln >, suaacsts `l cssclti`mmy gmiksy cah, hlc lht vcry wcmm arhulncn il hodcbtivc rc`mity. Rubf ` situ`tihl situ`tihl whumn clf`lbc tfc phtclti`m ghr HHOC. i.c. ` pcrshl wfh mivcs khrc il tfcir ik`ail`tihl tf`l il tfc hodcbtivc, hutcr whrmn. 7. R`turl hpphsitihl Zmuth, suaacstila `l incltigib`tihl (R`turl) witf nc`tf prhbcsscs, i.c. tfc `oimity th cxpmhrc tfc rc`mks hg tfc (sh-b`mmcn) nc`n (F`ncs, hg wfibf Zmuth is tfc rumcr). 1. ^fc acst`mt p`ttcrl hg ? il ky bf`rt, tfc sh-b`mmcn "Nukocmm p`ttcrl", wfibf is rcm`tcn th tfc `spcbt hg hpphsitihl, suaacstila tfc `oimity th oc `w`rc hg, `ln tfus bhlbcptu`mizc. @ln `msh tfc o`m`lbila hg hpphsitcs subf `s illcr `ln hutcr rc`mks, suodcbtivc `ln hodcbtivc rc`mitics, ctb. 6. Khhl il girst fhusc, `a`il suaacstila `l cssclti`mmy tr`lsiclt `ln cpfckcr`m cah. 9. @ln hg bhursc, tfc g`bt tf`t ky l`t`m sul is il Rbhrpih suaacstila `l iltcrcst il tfilas hbbumt. Lhw, wf`t b`l wc nistimm hut hg tfis bf`rt `l`mysis `s tfc ecy gc`turcs hg ` pcrshl`mity prhlc th tfc HHOC HHOC88 Fcrc `rc tfc g`bthrs g`bthrs tf`t I scc4 0. ^fc `oimity th o`m`lbc hpphsitcs. ?06
?. Khrc iltrhspcbtivc tf`l cxtrhvcrtcn, i.c. g`bthrs tf`t philt th ` ribf illcr migc. 2. ^filas tf`t ilnib`tc ` gmiksy cah. >. @ l`tur`m prhpclsity thw`rns hbbumtisk hbbumtisk `ln mc`rlila. 3. @ prhpclsity thw`rns clf`lbcn `w`rclcss hr mubinity hg hlc's clvirhlkclt. It sccks `pp`rclt th kc tf`t `l ilnivinu`m wfh nispm`ys tfcsc typcs hg bf`r`btcristibs il tfcir bf`rt wimm f`vc ` arc`tcr prhpclsity ghr f`vila HH HHOCs OCs tf`l tf`l ` pcrshl wfh nhcs lht. Hg bhursc, subf ` prhgimc k`y `ppmy th kcniuks `s wcmm (i.c. ` pcrshl wfh b`l oc t`ecl hvcr oy htfcr bhlsbihuslcss c`simy), `ln th sclsitivc pchpmc prhlc th psybfhsis. I tfile tfc k`il nctcrkil`lt fcrc is lht `ly p`rtibum`r ilnivinu`m cmckclt (wfibf tr`nitihl`m `strhmhacrs tcln th t`ec thh g`r) out is th oc ghuln il tfc hvcr`mm acst`mt hg hg tfc bf`rt. Hg bhursc, Fuk`listib @strhmhay ilsists ilsists uphl iltcrprctila ilnivinu`m bf`rt cmckclts shmcmy il tcrks hg tfc acst`mt p`ttcrl hg tfc bf`rt, `ln tf`t is cx`btmy wf`t I `k s`yila fcrc. ^fc acst`mt hg tfc bf`rt sfhumn ilnib`tc o`m`lbc `ln `w`rclcss (i.c. hpphsitihl typc `spcbts) `ln mc`l khrc thw`rns tfc suodcbtivc tf`l tfc hodcbtivc. Lhw hg bhursc, tfc typc hg pcrshl`mity `l`mysis I `k suaacstila fcrc lccn lht oc bhlgilcn shmcmy th `strhmhaib`m `l`mysis. Qc `rc `btu`mmy t`meila psybfhmhay `ln pcrshl`mity `l`mysis fcrc. Rh, il aclcr`m, aivcl clhuaf ilghrk`tihl, hlc sfhumn oc `omc th ncvcmhp ` aclcr`m prhgimc hg tfc "inc`m" pcrshl`mity typc tf`t is cspcbi`mmy suitcn ghr `str`m prhdcbtila o`scn hl tfc `ohvc bf`r`btcristibs. `l`mysis ^fc fhwcvcr, `nv`lt`ac is hgtfc`strhmhay tr`nitihl`m psybfhmhaib`m strclatf hvcr hg `strhmhay th bhlstrubt ` uliquc `ln hodcbtivc pcrshl`mity prhgimc o`scn uphl tfc l`t`m oirtf bf`rt. Il ` vcry rc`m sclsc, `strhmhay prhvincs ` systck`tib, `ln fiafmy cggcbtivc kc`ls ghr bhlbcptu`mizila tfc cmckclts hg fuk`l pcrshl`mity, `ln k`yoc hlc n`y psybfhmhaists wimm nisbhvcr tfis! @ln `a`il, ghr tfhsc hg yhu rc`nila tfis, `mm ky st`tckclts `rc o`scn CVBMSRIWCMY hl N`lc _unfy`r's inc`s `ohut wf`t `strhmhay is `ln wf`t it b`l oc uscn ghr, ` typc hg `strhmhay b`mmcn Fuk`listib @strhmhay.
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Bf`ptcr 7 Qr`ppila it `mm up
c `rc lhw `mkhst nhlc witf tfcsc lhtcs. Qf`t I w`lt th nh fcrc is vcry oricgmy sukk`rizc tfc hvcr`mm prhbcss hg tfc HHOC cxpcriclbc, `ln tfcl k`ec shkc bhkkclts `ohut tfc sialigib`lbc hg f`vila HHOCs `ln fhw HHOCs git ilth tfc arc`tcr sbfckc hg migc.
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Qc f`vc nisbusscn4 0. ^fc tfchry ocfiln HHOCs/`str`m prhdcbtihls/mubin nrc`ks. ^fc t`ec fhkc kcss`ac th hur nisbussihl hg tfchry is tf`t tfcsc 2 tcrks `mm rcgcr th tfc s`kc cxpcriclbc. ^fc ni niggcrclbc ggcrclbc il tfcsc 2 tcrks is is il tfc whrmn-vicws tf`t tf`t prhnubcn c`bf tcrk. Nco`tila `ohut
tfcsc tcrks il lht ikphrt`lt. Qf`t is ikphrt`lt is ??:
MC@_LILA FHQ ^H F@WC HHOCs GH_ YHS_RCMG. ?. Qc nisbusscn twh k`dhr kctfhns ghr ilnubila HHOCs4 ocbhkila mubin il ` nrc`k, `ln puttila yhurscmg ilth ` tr`lbc. ^fc kcss`ac fcrc is tf`t, ig yhu pr`btibc citfcr hg tfcsc tcbfliqucs, yhu `rc `mkhst `ssurcnmy au`r`ltccn th subbcssgummy prhdcbt. 2. Qc nisbusscn tfc k`dhr g`bcts hg tfc HHOC4 tfc `btu`m `bt hg mc`vila yhur ohny, tfc tfilas yhu b`l nh nurila ` prhdcbtihl (gmy, ctb.), `ln tfc rcaihls yhu wimm clbhultcr il tfc HHOC rc`mk. >. Gil`mmy, I oricgmy nisbusscn "acttila ilth trhuomc" `ln tfc "w`eila up" prhbcss. Il aclcr`m, tfcsc nisbussihls f`vc kc`lt th prhvinc ` Z_@B^IB@M iltrhnubtihl th `str`m prhdcbtihl/HHOCs/mubin nrc`kila. Hg bhursc, tfis k`tcri`m w`s bhkpmctcmy sm`ltcn `ln o`scn uphl ky hwl cxpcriclbcs hut-hg-ohny `ln ky p`rtibum`r iltcrprct`tihl hg hbbumt tc`bfilas. @mkhst cvcrytfila I s`y il tfcsc lhtcs k`y hr k`y lht `ppmy th yhu. @mm yhu b`l nh is pr`btibc tfc suaacstihls I put ghrtf `ln scc wf`t f`ppcls. It whumn oc libc ig HHOCs wcrc wcrc ` sbiclbc. sbiclbc. Fhwcvcr tfcy `rc lht, `ln tfis g`bt wc f`vc th ghr lhw `bbcpt. It wimm oc vcry fcmpgum fcmpgum th yhu th rc`n `s kubf `s yhu b`l `ohut HHOCs/`str`m prhdcbtihls/mubin nrc`ks. Zmc`sc mhhe hvcr tfc oiomihar`pfy `ln ah `ln giln tfc ohhes I f`vc mistcn tfcrc tf`t iltcrcst yhu.
HHOCs4 Ruodcbtivc Hr Hodcbtivc8
Rh, `s wc wr`p up fcrc, is tfcrc `ly w`y wc b`l sukk`rizc dust cx`btmy wf`t tfc HHOC cxpcriclbc is8 Is it trumy `l cxpmhr`tihl ilth ulsccl ulsccl whrmns whrmns `ln pm`lcs8 Hr is it kcrcmy kcrcmy ` bhkpmcx f`mmubil`tihl hbburrila il yhur hwl or`il, kcrcmy ` suodcbtivc g`lt`sy whrmn il wfibf yhur suobhlsbihus kiln cxtcrihrizcs scckilamy hutsinc hg yhu8 Zrcscltmy, lh hlc b`l `lswcr tfcsc qucstihls witf `ly bcrt`ilty. ^fc kctfhns hg khncrl sbiclbc f`vc prctty kubf g`imcn ??0
il tfc qucst th nisbhvcr tfc l`turc `ln cssclbc hg tfc HHOC. Z`r`psybfhmhaists `ln psybfhmhaists f`vc prhnubcn iltcrcstila ilsiafts ilth v`rihus g`bcts hg tfc HHOC, out oy lh kc`ls f`vc ncgilcn it hr cvcl bhkc bmhsc th ulncrst`lnila tfc `bt hr its ikpmib`tihls. Hbbumtists `msh `msh f`vc vcry iltcrcstila `ln uscgum tfilas th s`y `ohut tfc l`turc hg tfc HHOC/`str`m prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc. I strhlamy rcbhkkcln tf`t yhu rc`n tfc hbbumt mitcr`turc I f`vc il tfc oiomihar`pfy. ^fcrc `rc k`ly uscgum Z_@B^IB@M sb`ttcrcn tfrhuafhut tfc hbbumt mitcr`turc. mitcr`t urc. I`ln rcpc`t, tfc ocst yhufilts b`l nh is oc hpcl-kilncn th `mm tfc v`rihus inc`s put ghrtf `ohut tfc l`turc hg tfc HHOC/`str`m prhdcbtihl/mubin nrc`k cxpcriclbc. @s I s`in `t tfc st`rt, tfc stuny hg HHOCs nhcs lht hbbur il ` v`buuk. v`buuk. ^fc g`bt g`bt hg HHOCs rcm`tcs th k`ly htfcr stunics ilbmunila hbbumtisk, psybfhmhay, p`r`psybfhmhay, rcmiaihl, pfysihmhay, fisthry `ln ` m`rac lukocr hg htfcr thpibs. Fhwcvcr, `ln I wimm s`y tfis ghr tfc m`st tikc, yhu b`l nco`tc `ohut ncgilitihls hg tfc HHOC/`str`m prhdcbtihl/mubin nrc`k timm yhu timm `rcyomuc il tfc g`bc. Out `mmc.subf is is hlmy shcxpcriclbc kubf fht `ir. It's c`sy c`s th spcbum`tc `ln tfchrizc. tfchriz It's t`me lht lht `s c`sy th ah `ln mc`rl mc`rl fhw th prhdcbt ghr yhurscmg. ^fc hlmy w`y yhu b`l act `ly surc `lswcrs `t `mm `ohut tfc l`turc hg tfc HHOC/`str`m prhdcbtihl/mubin nrc`k cxpcriclbc is th MC@_L ^H NH I^ GH_ YHS_RCMG. ^f`t's tfc ohtthk milc4 MC@_L ^H NH I^ GH_ YHS_RCMG. @ln, ig yhu bfhhsc tfis p`tf, oc cbmcbtib, oc hpcl kilncn, `ln khst hg `mm, il miaft hg cvcrytfila yhu mc`rl `mhla tfc w`y, OC Z_@B^IB@M. Z_@B^IB@M.
K`y` `ln Ounnfi
Qc f`vc lhw bhkc th tfc cln hg tfcsc lhtcs. ^h bhlbmunc ky mcsshls hl fhw th `bficvc `l HHOC/`str`m prhdcbtihl/mubin nrc`k, I wimm prcsclt tfc "oia pibturc" prcscltmy il ky kiln oy wfibf I ulncrst`ln wf`t `l HHOC is `ln fhw it gits ilth ky migc. Yhu b`l t`ec ky pfimhshpfy hr mc`vc it `s yhu wisf. Fhwcvcr, tfcsc inc`s `rc tfc gruitihl hg ` trckclnhus `khult hg stuny, rcgmcbtihl, khrc stuny, lukcrhus cxpcriclbcs witf `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss, lukcrhus qu`mitics hg cxpcriclbc fcrc il ky pfysib`m migc, `ln khrc stuny `ln khrc rcgmcbtihl. ^fcrc is ` bybmc4 ???
mc`rl, nh, rcgmcbt, mc`rl shkc khrc, nh shkc khrc, rcgmcbt shkc khrc. ^fis bybmc ahcs hl `ln hl ghr hur wfhmc mivcs. Zrcscltmy, hlc hg ky k`dhr iltcrcsts bcltcrs hl ulncrst`lnila `lbiclt Filnu inc`s. I f`vc occl mcn th stuny Filnuisk ocb`usc, `s g`r `s I b`l tcmm, tfc Filnus prho`omy f`n tfc khst bhkpmctc ulncrst`lnila hg `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss hg `ly htfcr bumturc bumturc I elhw hg, cvcl hur hwl. Il hur bumturc thn`y, thn`y, wc `rc bhkpmctcmy prchbbupicn oy pfysib`m bhlsbihuslcss, oy tfc cxpcriclbc hg hur bhlsbihusl bhlsbihuslcss css fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. whrmn. @s I `mrc`ny s`in, wc nh lht cvcl ulncrst`ln tfc l`turc hg tfc g`bt tf`t wc nrc`k. @ln it sccks tf`t cvcrytfila wc `ttckpt th ulncrst`ln thn`y f`s th oc git ilth pfysib`m tcrks hr wc bhlsincr it irrcmcv`lt, g`lt`sy, kytfhmhay, hr kc`lilamcss. ^fc `lbiclt Filnus, hl tfc htfcr f`ln, f`n ncvcmhpcn `l cm`ohr`tc sbiclbc hg fuk`l psybfhmhay wfimc hur `lbcsthrs wcrc stimm o`ro`ri`ls o`ro`ri`ls il tfc ghrcsts hg Curhpc. Curhpc. ^fis sbiclbc tfcy b`mmcn "yha`", `ln ocfiln tfis sbiclbc is `l cm`ohr`tc systck hg pfimhshpfy tf`t f`s`lbiclt occl Filnu b`pturcn tfcilas. Wcn`s, Sp`lisf`ns, ^`ltr`s `ln il htfcr fhmyilwritilas. writ ^fc Filnus wcrc iltrhspcbtivc `ln tfc tfilas tfcy nisbhvcrcn tfrhuaf tfc iltrhspcbtivc sbiclbc hg yha` `rc bhkpmctcmy `k`zila. Kimmcli` `ah, tfc Filnus k`ppcn hut tfc illcr pm`lcs, `ln k`ppcn hut tfc kctfhns `ln tcbfliqucs lccncn th `bbcss tfcsc illcr pm`lcs. ^fc umtik`tc `bficvckclt hg Filnu bivimiz`tihl, w`s, fhwcvcr, th brc`tc kctfhns oy wfibf wc fuk`ls bhumn cxpcriclbc ` nircbt rcm`tihlsfip witf tfc tfc RHS_BC RHS_BC hg `mm brc`tihl. brc`tihl. Filnus b`mmcn tfis "ocbhkila clmiaftclcn", `ln tfcy b`mm tfis RHS_BC "Or`fk`l". B`mm it Ahn, b`mm it Or`fk`l, Or`fk`l, b`mm it wf`tcvcr yhu w`lt. It nhcsl't k`ttcr wf`t l`kc yhu aivc it, ocb`usc tfc shurbc hg `mm cxistclbc is @MM @MM l`kcs, `ln @MM tfilas. @ln tfc Filnus Filnus mc`rlcn fhw th nircbtmy cxpcriclbc tfis shurbc tfrhuaf tfc kctfhns hg yha`. ^fc Filnu hutmhhe is ` vicwphilt g`r rckhvcn grhk hur cvcryn`y migc fcrc `t tfc busp hg tfc twclty-girst twclty-girst bcltury. Qc hg tfc tfc sh-b`mmcn "khncrl" whrmn `rc miec l`ivc, r`koulbtihus tccl`acrs bhkp`rcn th tfc tfc k`turc, ilbmusivc hutmhhe hutmhhe hg tfc tfc Filnus. Qc `rc k`rvcmcn oy `mmhws tfc pfysib`m whrmn,`ln `lnsf`pc k`rvcmcn oy tfc kiln phsscss tf`t us th khmn tfc pfysib`m whrmn wc il ??2
tcrks hg hur ncsircs `ln inc`s - cvcl tfhuaf wc f`vcl't tfc smiaftcst inc` wf`t wc `rc nhila. ^fc Filnus, Filnus, tfhuaf, ulncrsthhn wf`t w`s ahila hl. ^fcy ulncrsthhn tfc l`turc hg Fuk`leiln, `ln `mm tfc ilvisiomc m`ycrs tf`t `ppc`r th scp`r`tc fuk`ls grhk tfc RHS_BC. ^fcsc `rc tfc inc`s I prcscltmy usc th ulncrst`ln wf`t HHOCs `rc `ln fhw tfcy git ilth tfc arc`tcr sbhpc hg hur mivcs `s bhlsbihus ocilas il tfc bhskhs, `ln tfcsc inc`s I wimm cxprcss th cln tfis prcsclt`tihl. ^fcrc `rc twh inc`s grhk Filnu tfhuaft tf`t wc nh lht phsscss il hur hur bumturc hr il hur m`lau`ac. ^fcsc inc`s `rc "k`y`" `ln "ounnfi". Slncrst`lnila tfcsc twh inc`s `s Filnus ulncrst`ln tfcsc inc`s aivcs aivcs us `l ilgilitcmy phwcrgum gr`kcwhre th k`ec sclsc lht hlmy hg tfc HHOC, out hg hur cltirc migc `ln cxpcriclbc. I w`s surpriscn th rc`n il ` ohhe `ohut Filnu bumturc tf`t tfc whrn "ounnfi" tr`lsm`tcs tr`lsm`tcs `s "th rcgmcbt" hr "rcgmcbtihl". Il hur bumturc tfc whrn "ounnfi" bhkcs th us il tfc bhlbcpt hg tfc ounnfib pm`lc, hr tfc inc` hg ` ounnf`, hr il tfc inc` hg ohnfist`v`. @mm hg tfcsc whrns f`vc trckclnhus spiritu`m bhllht`tihls, bhllht`tihls, out it is ` typc hg spiritu`mity tf`t is ulelhwl th us il tfc prcsclt n`y hg khncrl tcbflh-k`ss prhnubtihl bumturc. ^h us, spiritu`mity is ` gmiksy tcrk hr it is `l ckhtihl-m`ncl tcrk. Qc r`rcmy cvcr tfile hg spiritu`m tfilas `s ocila iltcmmcbtu`m, hr cvcl khrc r`rcmy, `s ocila shkctfila arc`tcr tf`l hur iltcmmcbt. Il hur khncrl whrmn, wc whrsfip hur iltcmmcbt, wfibf, il hbbumt tcrks kc`ls tf`t tfc fiafcst mcvcm wc tcln th hpcr`tc hl is tfc tfc kclt`m pm`lc. Qc ulncrst`ln tfc whrmn tfrhuaf inc`s, sykohms, l`kcs, tfchrics `ln ncgilitihls `ln wc `rc bhltclt witf tfis (ig lht nhwlriaft skua `ohut it). Il cggcbt, tfc "Ahn" hg hur prcsclt-n`y bumturc is tfc iltcmmcbt `ln its brc`tihls. ^fc rc`mity is tfhuaf, il hur ialhr`lbc, wc sikpmy nh lht elhw wf`t wc wc `rc kissila. Hlmy ` gcw gcw hg tfc khrc n`rila tfilecrs tfilecrs hg hur `ac whumn f`vc suaacstcn tf`t tfcrc is shkctfila arc`tcr tf`l tfc fuk`l kiln, `ln f`vc tfc bhur`ac th ghmmhw subf `l ilsiaft tfrhuaf th its mhaib`m bhlbmusihl (scc ghr cx`kpmc, tfc ohhe oy N`lc _unfy`r il tfc oiomihar`pfy). Ounnfi is ilnccn tf`t cssclbc hg spiritu`mity tf`t is A_C@^C_ ^F@L ^FC wf`t is ounnfi8 Qfy nhcs ounnfi kc`l "thFSK@L rcgmcbt"8 KILN. ^h put itOut ilth tcrks tf`t `rc ??>
kc`lilagum th us `s ` pchpmc prchbbupicn oy tfc kiln, OSNNI IR ^F@^ @RZCB^ HG ^FC RHS_BC HG @MM B_C@^IHL QFIBF B@L HZC_@^C IL FSK@L CVZC_ICLBC. CVZC_ICLBC. Ounni is tfc nivilc il tfc kuln`lc, tfc spiritu`mity hg tfc scbum`r. Ounni is AHN `s Ahn k`ligcsts il hur cvcryn`y mivcs `ln il fuk`l fisthry. N`lc _unfy`r put it shkctfila miec tfis4 `s ` bryst`m is ` pcrgcbt strubturc wfibf b`l tfcl rcgmcbt tfc miaft hg tfc sul `ln nispm`y tfc miaft hg kiln tfc sul kyri`ntf`t hg b`l, kumtibhmhrcn tfc fuk`l miecil` `bryst`m wfcl tfcg`bcts, kiln miecwisc is k`nc isbmc`l `ln pcrgcbt, rcgmcbt tfc miaft hg tfc nivilc ilth ` kyri`n hg kumtibhmhrcn g`bcts, `ln tfcsc g`bcts `rc tfc suk tht`m hg fuk`l cxpcriclbc. Il htfcr whrns, ounnfi ounnfi is wfcl wfcl hur kiln kiln is bmc`l `ln purc `ln rcgmcbts il tfc miaft hg tfc nivilc cssclbc tf`t ulncrmics `mm hg brc`tihl. ^fc scbhln Filnu tcrk hg rcmcv`lbc fcrc is tfc inc` hg "k`y`". K`y` is tr`lsm`tcn tr`lsm`tcn il ` lukocr lukocr hg w`ys il il hur bumturc, bumturc, witf c`bf tr`lsm`tihl b`pturila ` p`rt hg tfc kc`lila hg tfc whrn k`y`. K`y` is4 immusihl, k`aib, tfc phwcr hg migc, tfc Arc`t Khtfcr, tr`lsiclbc `ln bf`lac, ikpcrk`lclbc, ikpcrk`lclbc, tikc. ^fc o`sib inc` ocfiln tfc Filnu bhlbcpt hg k`y` is `l inc` vcry g`r rckhvcn grhk hur cvcryn`y `pprh`bf th migc fcrc il tfc m`tc m`tc twcltictf bcltury. Ghr tfc inc` hg k`y` kc`ls tf`t `mm tf`t wc b`l pcrbcivc, `mm tf`t wc tfile, `mm tf`t wc cxpcriclbc, cxpcriclbc, is out cpfckcr`m `ln tr`lsiclt. tr`lsiclt. @mm hg pfclhkcl`m rc`mity, `mm hg tfc k`ligcstcn ulivcrsc - ohtf pfysib`m @LN lhlpfysib`m - `rc out ` khkclt`ry sf`nhw hg tfc Nivilc Rhurbc. ^fc bmhscst inc` wc f`vc th k`y` il hur bhmmcbtivc bhlsbihuslcss is Zm`th's `mmcahry hg tfc b`vc, il wfibf kcl bf`ilcn th tfc o`be hg ` b`vc w`mm w`tbf tfc sf`nhws grhk tfc hutsinc whrmn ocghrc tfck`ln hl f`vc tfc b`vc w`mm.hg @mm b`l sccn`lbc `rc tfc sf`nhws lh inc` tfc tfcsc whrmnbf`ilcn hutsinc kcl tf`t is tfc shurbc hg hg tfcsc sf`nhws. ^fis, `bbhrnila th Zm`th, is fhw tfc hrnil`ry kiln cxpcriclbcs rc`mity4 tfcy scc hlmy tfc cggcbts `ln lcvcr hlbc suspcbt tfc Nivilc B`usc oclc`tf tfc cggcbts hg migc `s wc pcrbcivc `ln cxpcriclbc it. Rh, il tcrks hg strcssila tfc inc` hg immusihl, Zm`th's `mmcahry is sikim`r th tfc Filnu bhlbcpt hg k`y`. Fhwcvcr, tfc ikpmib`tihl hg Zm`th's `mmcahry is tf`t ocila il subf ` st`tc hg ialhr`lbc hg Nivilc B`uscs is o`n il shkc sclsc. Qfy cmsc whumn fc prcsclt tfc inc` hg kcl bf`ilcn il tfc n`relcss8 ^fis is lht hlc's ik`ac hg ahhn. Fhwcvcr, tfc Filnu inc` hg k`y` nhcs lht f`vc subf ??3
ckhtihl`m hvcrthlcs. It f`s, `s ` k`ttcr k`ttcr hg g`bt, quitc tfc hpphsitc ikpmib`tihls. Ghr tfc immusihl hg rc`mity `s wc elhw `ln cxpcriclbc it is tfc dhyhus cxprcssihl hg tfc Nivilc ocbhkila clkcsfcn il tfc Nivilc ^r`ai-Bhkcny ^r`ai-Bhkcny hg Brc`tihl. K`y` is lht ` shrrhwgum rc`mity, rc`mity, out ` Bhskib N`lbc hg bcmcor`tihl oy tfc Ahns. Oc tfis `s it k`y, wc thn`y nh lht `bbcpt tfc phssioimity tf`t tfc cltirc pfclhkcl`m whrmn tf`t wc pcrbcivc witf hur sclscs `ln tfc whrmns wc pcrbcivc il nrc`ks `ln HHOCs bhumn oc `mm hg Nivilc Immusihl. ^hn`y wc t`ec tfilas vcry mitcr`mmy `ln vcry scrihusmy. Qc ocmicvc vcry strhlamy tf`t tfc whrn wc pcrbcivc `ln cxpcriclbc is rc`m . @ln tfis is ohtf hur strclatf `s ` bumturc `ln hur ghmmy. Fhwcvcr, `s I pcrshl`mmy f`vc p`sscn tfrhuaf tfc bybmc hg mc`rlila, `btihl, rcgmcbtihl, khrc mc`rlila, khrc `btihl, khrc rcgmcbtihl, I f`vc bhkc th `pprcbi`tc tfc rcmcv`lbc hg tfc bhlbcpts hg ounni `ln k`y` `s vcry Z_@B^IB@M prilbipmcs ghr nc`mila witf migc. Qf`t wc b`mm "rc`mity" is il `btu`mity ` kumti-m`ycrcn, kumtinikclsihl`m, cvcr bf`laila, cvcr tr`lsiclt "tfila". "tfila". Qc @_C k`y`5 hur migc `ln cxpcriclbc `ln `mm wc t`ec th oc sh rc`m is k`y`. Il tfis ilbrcniomc Nivilc Zm`y hg k`y` wc f`vc tfc hptihl hg rcgmcbtila tfc Nivilc, hg `mmhwila ounnfi th ocbhkc ` prharcssivcmy arc`tcr p`rt hg hur ocila. Qc f`vc tfc bfhibc4 wc b`l act cvcr nccpcr clkcsfcn il tfc immusihl hg cxpcriclbc, hr wc b`l turl ilw`rns th tfc bcltcr hg hur ocila `ln nisbhvcr ounnfi. Hlbc wc nisbhvcr ounnfi, wc tfcl vicw k`y` il ` lcw miaft5 wc elhw tf`t @MM is out tfc dhyhus pm`y hg tfc Nivilc. ^fc g`bt hg tfc k`ttcr is, grhk subf ` philt hg vicw, tfc HHOC is us cxpmhrila nccpcr mcvcms hg tfc k`y`, sccila tfc sf`nhws b`st oy htfcr sf`nhws sf`nhws hl tfc b`vc w`mm. Is tfis "o`n"8 Lh it is lht. It is sikpmy wf`t it is. ^fc rc`mk hg tfc HHOC is is ` rc`mk hlc stcp bmhscr th tfc Nivilc Rhurbc hg Brc`tihl tf`l is tfc pfysib`m, out it is `l cvcl khrc immushry rc`mk tf`l tfis pfysib`m whrmn. Il ohtf tfc pfysib`m `ln HHOC whrmns, hur inc`s `ln ncsircs sf`pc tfc rc`mity `rhuln us, hlmy tfis prhbcss is arc`tmy clf`lbcn, arc`tmy quibeclcn il tfc HHOC rc`mk. Rh, wc k`y oc hlc stcp bmhscr th tfc Nivilc, out wc `rc phtclti`mmy vcimcn cvcl khrc grhk tfc Nivilc wfimc il tfc HHOC rc`mk tf`l fcrc il tfc pfysib`m rc`mk, vcimcn grhk tfc Nivilc oy immusihls wc brc`tc il tfc ??7
HHOC rc`mk grhk hur ncsircs `ln inc`s, oc tfcsc suobhlsbihus hr lht. Out th s`y s`y tfc `str`m is "bmhscr" th tfc tfc Nivilc hr lht is `mm hlmy `pp`rclt, ghr tfc Nivilc is cqu`mmy prcsclt il @MM ^FILAR, pfysib`m hr htfcrwisc, `ln nisbhvcrila tfc Nivilc il hur migc is `mw`ys hlmy ` fc`rtoc`t `w`y. Rh, th bhlbmunc tfcsc mcsshls il `str`m prhdcbtihl, I o`sib`mmy ocmicvc `t prcsclt tf`t, ycs, tfc lhlpfysib`m rc`mks cxist, tf`t ycs, tfcrc is shkctfila il us tf`t tr`lsbclns hur pfysib`m ohny, `ln ycs, yhu b`l visit visit tfcsc rc`mks rc`mks c`simy ig yhu mc`rl tfc tfc riaft tfilas. tfilas. Out, tfhuaf tfc ikpmib`tihls hg tfcsc g`bts `rc `sthulnila grhk witfil tfc k`tcri`mistib `ln scbum`r kiln-sct hg hur prcsclt bumturc, grhk tfc philt hg vicw vicw hg tfc `lbiclt Filnus, tfis is `mm lh oia nc`m. Yhu b`l oc `s ialhr`lt hg tfc Nivilc il tfc HHOC rc`mks `s yhu `rc fcrc. Il tfc cln, `mm tf`t k`ttcrs is th hpcl yhurscmg up th ounnfi. Oy hpclila up th ounnfi, yhu wimm giln tfc k`y` th oc `l ilgilitcmy cldhy`omc pm`bc, wfctfcr il tfis whrmn hr `ly htfcr. I whumn miec th cln tfis prcsclt`tihl witf tfc ghmmhwila quhtc grhk N`lc _unfy`r, ` k`l wfh trumy ulncrsthhn ounnfi. "Ig wc nh lht `bbcpt tfc cxistclbc hg spirit `s ` tr`lspcrshl`m, tr`lsbumtur`m, `ln kct`oihmhaib`m phwcr, tfc hlmy htfcr phssiomc w`y hg iltcrprctila witf shkc ncarcc hg bhlsistclby tfc hovihus g`bts hg pcrshl`m `ln bhmmcbtivc fuk`l cxpcriclbc is th `nhpt ` k`tcri`mistib `pprh`bf, wfctfcr `s ncvcmhpcn oy K`rx hr oy htfcr k`tcri`mists5 out subf `l iltcrprct`tihl cxbmuncs k`ly hg tfc khst sialigib`lt sialigib`lt cxpcriclbcs hg k`l. It mc`ns th ` khst ncprcssila whrmn-vicw, cssclti`mmy ncvhin hg kc`lila `ln purphsc. Hl tfc htfcr f`ln, ig tfc cxistclbc hg spirit `s ` brc`tivc `ln tr`lsghrk`tivc phwcr is `bbcptcn, `ln its `btihl il `ln tfrhuaf kiln is bmc`rmy ulncrsthhn `ln `ncqu`tcmy ghrkum`tcn, tfc k`tcri`m g`bts giln tfcir pm`bc witfil `l `mm-ilbmusivc pibturc hg bhskib `btivity wfibf t`ecs lhtfila grhk tfck, out ilstc`n clnhws tfcl witf ` tr`lspfysib`m `ln kct`oihmhaib`m sialigib`lbc stikum`tila fuk`l ocilas th khrc bhlsbihus, sust`ilcn, `ln cvcltu`mmy khrc r`ni`lt clnc`vhrs." N`lc _uny`r. "Bumturc, Brisis `ln Brc`tivity", (p`ac 0:7).
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@llht`tcn Oiomihar`pfy _cbhkkclncn _c`nila Mist
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fcrc `rc o`sib`mmy 2 niggcrclt typcs hg ohhes il tfis mist.
0. Ohhes `ohut FHQ ^H `str`m prhdcbt, wfibf aivc tcbfliqucs.
?. Ohhes `ohut pchpmc's cxpcriclbcs il tfc HHOC rc`mk. ^fcsc `rc writtcl il tfc girst pcrshl `ln `rc `uthoihar`pfib`m. 2. Ohhes lht spcbigib`mmy `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl out tf`t prhvinc o`bearhuln ilghrk`tihl hl thpibs rcm`tcn th `str`m prhdcbtihl. Ghr c`bf ohhe hl tfis mist I wimm spcbigy wfibf b`tcahry(ics) it g`mms ulncr, ulncr, `ln tfcl s`y ` gcw whr whrns ns `ohut tfc ohhe. ^fc mist is sikpmy il `mpf`octib`m hrncr `bbhrnila th tfc `utfhr's l`kc. Oy lh kc`ls is tfis tfis ` bhkpmctc mist. It is hlmy kc`lt th aivc yhu ` st`rtila cxphsurc th mitcr`turc rcmcv`lt th `str`m prhdcbtihl/HHOCs/ mubin nrc`kila. ^fc ohhes mistcn fcrc `rc, fhwcvcr, tfhsc I f`vc ghuln th oc p`rtibum`rmy uscgum. ??6
Ocs`lt, @. @ Rtuny Il Bhlsbihuslcss, K`nr`s4 ^fchshpfib`m Zuomisfila Fhusc, 6tf cnitihl, 096:.
^fis ohhe is lht `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl. ^fis ohhe is `l cxbcmmclt `ln prhghuln iltrhnubtihl th tfchshpfib`m hbbumtisk.
Ocs`lt, @., `ln Mc`noc`tcr, B.Q. Hbbumt Bfckistry. Mhlnhl4 ^fchshpfib`m Zuomisfila Zuomisfila Fhusc, ?ln cnitihl, 0909.
^fis ohhe is lht `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl. ^fis ohhe ncsbriocs Ocs`lt `ln Mc`noc`tcr's bm`irvhy`lt ilvcstia`tihls ilth tfc strubturc hg tfc `thk. ^fc rc`shl tfis ohhe is rcmcv`lt is ocb`usc Ocs`lt `ln Mc`noc`tcr usc tfc mittmc elhwl psybfib `oimity `lik` (b`mmcn `msh "k`aligyila bm`irvhy`lbc" hr "kibrh-psi) wfibf I nisbusscn ulncr tfc scbtihl hg tfc lhtcs titmcn "Rurrc`m Rp`bcs". @s yhu b`l cxcrbisc tfc `oimity hg `lik` nurila yhur prhdcbtihls, tfis ohhe aivcs yhu shkc inc` hg wf`t is phssiomc th scc usila tfis psybfib `oimity. Ocs`lt, @. `ln Mc`noc`tcr, B.Q. ^fhuaft-Ghrks. Qfc`thl, IM4 Pucst, 3tf cnitihl, 0967. (Hriail`mmy puomisfcn il 09:0).
^fis ohhe is lht `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl. @a`il, tfis ohhe prhvincs ikphrt`lt o`bearhuln ilghrk`tihl rcmcv`lt th tfc HHOC. ^fis is ` bm`ssib ohhe, tfc girst cvcr th ncsbrioc tfhuaft-ghrks. Yhu wimm clbhultcr tfhuaft-ghrks wfcl hut-hg-ohny `ln tfis ohhe wimm aivc yhu ` ahhn ulncrst`lnila hg tfc l`turc hg tfhuaft-ghrks, wf`t tfcy `rc `ln fhw tfcy ocf`vc. Ghx, Hmivcr. @str`m Zrhdcbtihl @ _cbhrn hg Hut-hg-tfc Ohny Cxpcriclbcs. Bit`ncm Zrcss, Rcb`ubus, L.D., 0913.
^fis is hlc hg tfc bm`ssib girst pcrshl `bbhults hg tfc HHOC. Hmivcr Ghx w`s fiafmy ilgmuclbcn oy tfchshpfib`m tfchshpfib`m inc`s, sh fis `bbhults aclcr`mmy g`mm ulncr tfc hbbumt whrmn-vicw. ^fcrc `rc k`ly uscgum tips il tfis ohhe `s wcmm. wcmm. Ghr cx`kpmc, tfis is tfc ohhe tf`t girst ncsbriocn "G`msc @w`eclilas".
??9
F`mm, K`lmy Z. Slsccl Ghrbcs. Mhs @lacmcs, B@. Zfimhshpfib`m _csc`rbf Rhbicty, Ilb. 0916.
^fis ohhe is lht `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl. @a`il, tfis ohhe prhvincs cxbcmmclt o`bearhuln k`tcri`m `ohut tfc ghrbcs `ln ilf`oit`lts hg tfc tfc illcr pm`lcs. It is writtcl grhk tfc hbbumt hbbumt pcrspcbtivc. Khst ikphrt`lt ikphrt`lt tfis ohhe nisbusscs nisbusscs tfc "Nwcmmcr hl tfc ^frcsfhmn". I fiafmy rcbhkkcln `ly hg tfc ohhes oy K`lmy F`mm. Fc is ` fiafmy ilghrk`tivc `ln iltcmmiaclt spc`ecr. Fis k`tcri`m bhlt`ils ` v`st wc`mtf hg uscgum ilghrk`tihl. Mc`noc`tcr, B.Q. B.Q. K`l Wisiomc @ln Il Ilvisiomc. visiomc. Qfc`thl, Qfc`thl, IM4 Pucst, 2rn Pucst priltila, `orinacn, 096:.
^fis ohhe is lht `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl. ^fis ohhe is `ohut hbbumt `l`thky. Fcrc, tfc v`rihus ohnics (`str`m, kclt`m `ln ounnfib) `rc ncsbriocn il nct`im. Mc`noc`tcr bm`ikcn th oc `omc th pcrbcivc tfcsc ohnics usila usila bm`irvhy`lbc. @a`il, tfis is ikphrt`lt ikphrt`lt o`bearhuln ilghrk`tihl. I `msh strhlamy rcbhkkcln rc`nila `ly `ln `mm Mc`noc`tcr ohhes yhu b`l act yhur f`lns hl. Hg `mm tfc `utfhrs I f`vc rc`n, Mc`noc`tcr f`s occl oy g`r tfc khst uscgum ghr ulncrst`lnila tfc l`turc hg tfc HHOC. K`ly tfilas I f`vc nircbtmy cxpcriclbcn nurila ky HHOCs `rc ncsbriocn il Mc`noc`tcr's ohhes `ln Mc`noc`tcr prcsclt k`ly uscgum inc`s I lcvcr sccl puomisfcn `lywfcrc cmsc. Mc`noc`tcr, B.Q. ^fc @str`m Zm Zm`lc. `lc. K`nr`s4 K`nr`s4 W`s`lt` Zrcss, twcmgtf rcprilt, 096>.
^fis is tfc bm`ssib bm`ssib ohhe hl tfc `str`m pm`lc. Qrittcl il 0693, it is stimm rcmcv`lt il k`ly rcspcbts thn`y. Hg bhursc, dust `s tfc pfysib`m whrmn `ln shbicty bf`lacs, sh thh nh tfc `str`m rc`mks tr`lsghrk. Lhlctfcmcss, tfis ohhe wimm iltrhnubc yhu th k`ly hg tfc ikphrt`lt prilbipmcs hpcr`tila hl tfc `str`m pm`lc. Mc`noc`tcr, B.Q. Nrc`ks. @ny`r, K`nr`s Ilni`4 ^fchshpfib`m Zuomisfila Fhusc, 0?tf rcprilt, 096>.
Fcrc wc f`vc tfc tfchshpfib`m bhlbcptihl hg nrc`ks. ^fis is ` vcry Z_@B^IB@M Z_@B^IB@M ohhe ghr tfc `str`m prhdcbthr. ^fis ohhe wimm wimm fcmp yhu ulncrst`ln tfc l`turc hg yhur prhdcbtihls `ln fhw tfcy ?2:
rcm`tc th yhur nrc`ks nrc`ks octtcr tf`l `l `lyy htfcr ohhe `v`im`omc. `v`im`omc. ^fis is ` KSR^ rc`n ghr `lyohny mc`rlila `str`m prhdcbtihl/HHOCs/mubin nrc`kila. Mc`noc`tcr, B.Q. ^fc Bf`er`s. Qfc`thl, IM4 ^fchshpfib`m Zuomisfila Fhusc, >tf Pucst cnitihl, 0963.
ohhe is lht `ohut prhdcbtihl.`ln@a`il, tfistfc is `lhtfcr ^fis bm`ssib ohhe il tfc gicmn`str`m hg hbbumtisk, cxpm`ils bf`er`s5 fhw tfcy gulbtihl `ln wf`t tfcy nh. @a`il, tfis is ikphrt`lt o`bearhuln ilghrk`tihl `ln wimm fcmp yhu octtcr ulncrst`ln tfc l`turc hg tfilas yhu pcrbcivc wfimc il tfc hut-hgohny st`tc. Mc`noc`tcr, B.Q. Bm`irvhy`lbc. Qfc`thl4 ^ZF, 0967, 03tf rcprilt.
^fis ohhe is lht `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl. ^fis ohhe is `lhtfcr ikphrt`lt shurbc hg o`bearhuln ilghrk`tihl. Fcrc Mc`noc`tcr ncgilcs tfc v`rihus typcs hg bm`irvhy`lbc. ^fis ohhe is `msh ` KSR^ rc`n ocb`usc yhu wimm giln yhurscmg usila tfc niggcrclt typcs hg bm`irvhy`lbc Mc`noc`tcr ncgilcs wfimc yhu `rc hut-hg-ohny. @a`il, tfis ohhe wimm fcmp yhu k`ec sclsc hg pcrbcptihls yhu wimm f`vc wfimc hut-hg-ohny tf`t yhu bhumn lht ulncrst`ln htfcrwisc. K`vrhk`tis, @. Fyplhahai`. Mhlnhl4 _hutmcnac & Eca`l Z`um, 0961.
^fis ohhe is `ohut fyplhahaib ik`acry.
^fis ohhe
prcsclts ik`acry `ln prcsclts `lukcrhus lukocr lukocr hgrcphrts tfchricshg thfyplhahaib cxpm`il cxpm`il fyplhahai`. It is`msh `l `b`nckib ohhe, out it is fiafmy ilghrk`tivc. Ky g`vhritc g`vhritc `spcbt hg tfis ohhe is tf`t it is tfc hlmy `b`nckib typc ohhe `ohut `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss I f`vc cvcr rc`n tf`t suaacsts tf`t tfc tfchrics hg Ocs`lt `ln Mc`noc`tcr k`y oc tfc khst suit`omc tfchrics ghr cxpm`ilila `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss.
?20
Khlrhc, _. Dhurlcys Hut Hg ^fc Ohny. Lcw Yhre4 Nhuomcn`y, 0910.
^fis ohhe thh is ` bm`ssib il tfc `str`m prhdcbtihl mitcr`turc. Fcrc, _hocrt Khlrhc prcsclts fis pcrshl`m cxpcriclbcs hut-hgohny. ^fis is ` girst pcrshl, `uthoihar`pfib`m ohhe, out it `msh f`s shkc tcbfliquc ncsbriocn il it. ^fc ikphrt`lt tfila `ohut Khlrhc's ohhes `rc tf`t tfcy `rc LH^ o`scn hl hbbumt inc`s, lhr stribtmy hl p`r`psybfhmhaib`m inc`s, lhr hl psybfhmhay inc`s. Khlrhc f`s fis hwl pcrshl`m stymc hg ulncrst`lnila fis HHOCs. Lhlctfcmcss, Khlrhc bmc`rmy ncsbriocs `ln supphrts k`ly hg tfc bm`iks hg hbbumtists. Khlrhc, _. G`r Dhurlcys. Dhurlcys. Lcw Yhre4 Nhuomcn`y, 0963.
^fis is _hocrt Khlrhc's scbhln ohhe. Il ky hpilihl, tfis ohhe is pcrf`ps tfc khst "khncrl" hg `ly ohhe `ohut `ohut HHOCs. HHOCs. Il G`r Dhurlcys, Khlrhc p`ilts ` pibturc hg tfc HHOC rc`mks tf`t is `oshmutcmy stullila. ^fis ohhe is ` KSR^ KSR^ rc`n ohhe. @a`il, wf`t is vcry bmc`r is tf`t Khlrhc is ncsbrioila tfc pm`lcs tf`t hbbumtists f`vc ncsbriocn. Fhwcvcr, Khlrhc's `pprh`bf is niggcrclt niggcrclt il tf`t, ulmiec hbbumt inc`s, Khlrhc's `ttitunc is tf`t tfc rc`mity hg tfc pm`lcs is hpcl th cvcryohny. ^r`nitihl`m hbbumtisk tclns th rcscrvc tr`vcmila il tfc pm`lcs ghr spcbi`m iliti`tcs, K`stcrs `ln htfcr supphscnmy "`nv`lbcn" fuk`ls. Khlrhc scvcrcmy bf`mmclacs tfis vicw oy sfhwila tf`t `lyohny b`l b `l tr`vcm il tfc pm`lcs (hr "rilas" `s Khlrhc b`mms tfck). ^fis bf`lac il `ttitunc is vcry ikphrt`lt, `ln it is `l `ttitunc tf`t I sf`rc witf witf Khlrhc. Khlrhc. @msh il il tfis ohhe, Khlrhc Khlrhc ncsbriocs tfc `btivity `ln rcsc`rbfcs hg tfc Khlrhc Ilstitutc il G`ocr Wiraili`, ` rcsc`rbf hra`liz`tihl cst`omisfcn oy Khlrhc ghr stunyila tfc HHOC. @s I s`in s`in il tfc lhtcs, tfc Khlrhc Khlrhc ilstitutc gurlisfcs t`pcs `ln prhar`ks ghr mc`rlila fhw th f`vc HHOCs. Khlrhc, _. Smtik`tc Dhurlcy. Lcw Yhre, Nhuomcn`y, 099>.
^fis is _hocrt Khlrhc's tfirn ohhe `ohut HHOCs `ln is fht hgg tfc prcss `s I sit fcrc `ln writc tfcsc whrns. Il tfis tfirn ohhe, Khlrhc ncsbriocs fhw fc f`s nisbhvcrcn fis p`st mivcs, `ln `msh acts `wfibf g`ilt is amikkcr shkctfila kystibs f`vc ncsbriocn ghrI bclturics, tfc g`bthgtf`t hur psybfcs thubf Ahn. @btu`mmy, ?2?
`k nis`pphiltcn witf witf tfis ohhe. It is lht `s uscgum ` ohhe `s is G`r Dhurlcys. Yhu whumn tfile tf`t, `gtcr 2: yc`rs hg f`vila HHOCs, Khlrhc whumn f`vc shkcwfcrc bhkc `brhss tfc g`bt tf`t wf`t fc f`s cxpcriclbcn il tfc hut-hg-ohny st`tc is vcry sikim`r th wf`t htfcrs f`vc ncsbriocn. ncsbriocn. Fhwcvcr, fc bhkcs `brhss il tfis ohhe `s ig fc is tfc hlmy hlc il fuk`lity tf`t f`s cvcr cxpcriclbcn tfc rc`mitics fc ncsbriocs. ^fis is dust dust lht ` ahhn `ttitunc th f`vc il tfc HHOC ou @msh(`snis`pphiltila nis`pph iltila tfis ohhe is tf`t acts eilnousilcss. hgsilcss. "prc`bfy" hlc Lcw @acilghruk kckocr putKhlrhc it), `s ig fis p`rtibum`r vicwphilt hl tfc ulivcrsc is tfc HLMY vicwphilt. @a`il, tfis eiln hg bmhscn kilncn `pprh`bf is lht ahhn il tfc HHOC ousilcss.
[email protected] - HHOC G@P gimc oy Dhuli Rkcn, 099>.
^fis is LH^ ` ohhe!
[email protected] is ` bhkprcsscn gimc wfibf bhlt`ils tfc G@P (Grcqucltmy @secn Pucstihls) gimc ghr tfc Iltcrlct lcwsarhup `mt.hut-hg-ohny. ^fis gimc is `v`im`omc il tfc tfc Bhkpuscrvc Lcw @ac ghruk Mior`ry. Ig yhu `rc lht hl Bhkpuscrvc, yhu b`l scln c-k`im th tfc Iltcrlct `nnrcss dhulskcsJutu.gi `ln rcqucst ilghrk`tihl ghr hot`ilila tfis gimc. ^fis G@P gimc is `l cxbcmmclt shurbc hg ilghrk`tihl hl tfc tfc HHOC. HHOC. It ilbmuncs ilbmuncs tcbfliqucs ghr ghr iln ilnubila ubila HHOCs, ilghrk`tihl `ohut lukcrhus survcys `ln stunics hg tfc HHOC `ln kubf htfcr uscgum ilghrk`tihl. It `msh f`s ` m`rac rcgcrclbc scbtihl wfibf b`l mc`n yhu th k`ly htfcr shurbcs hg ilghrk`tihl `ohut HHOCs. HHOCs. ^fis G@P G@P gimc is writtcl k`ilmy grhk ` p`r`psybfhmhay pcrspcbtivc `ln quitc hovihusmy `ttckpts th nisbrcnit hbbumt vicws hg tfc HHOC. Lhlctfcmcss, tfc `utfhr `t mc`st prcsclts hbbumt vicws sinc oy sinc witf lhl hbbumt vicws, wfibf is kubf khrc tf`l khst p`r`psybfhmhay prcsclt`tihls prcsclt`tihls nh. I fiafmy rcbhkkcln tfis gimc ghr rc`nila. ^fhuaf it is sm`ltcn witf ` oi`s I nh lht sf`rc, sf`rc, it is ` vcrit`omc sthrcfhusc hg ilghrk`tihl. _c`nila tfis gimc wimm cxphsc yhu th tfc v`ricty hg inc`s tf`t cxist rca`rnila tfc l`turc hg tfc HHOC. Il cggcbt, tfis gimc gimc is ` khrc `nv`lbcn `pprh`bf `pprh`bf th tfc tfchry ocfiln HHOCs tf`l I f`vc `ttckptcn th prcsclt il tfcsc lhtcs.
?22
Hpficm. ^fc @rt @ln Zr`btibc Hg @str`m Zrhdcbtihl. Yhre Oc`bf, K`ilc4 R`kucm Qiscr, Ilb., 096?.
^fis is ` FHQ ^H `str`m prhdcbtihl ohhe `ln is `lhtfcr bm`ssib il tfc gicmn. Hpficm hutmilcs hutmilcs spcbigib kctfhns ghr `bficvila HHOCs `ln `msh ncsbriocs k`ly k`ly fcmpgum filts. ^fis is is hlc il ` scrics hg "^fc @rt `ln Zr`btibc hg..." ohhes oy Hpficm. Aclcr`mmy, `mm hg Hpficm's ohhes `rc pr`btib`m iltrhnubtihls th tr`nitihl`m hbbumtisk, `ln `rc gul rc`nila thh. Slmiec khst hbbumtists, Hpficm nhcs lht f`vc ` "fhmicr tf`l tfhu" `ttitunc `ln fc `msh prcsclts tfc vicw tf`t HHOCs `ln htfcr hbbumt aigts `rc kc`lt ghr cvcryhlc, lht dust K`stcrs. ^fis ohhe is fiafmy rcbhkkclncn. Zhwcm, @.C. ^fc Ctfcrib Nhuomc. (^ZF), 0979.
Qfc`thl IM. Pucst Ohhes
Zhwcm, @.C. ^fc @str`m Ohny. Qfc`thl IM. Pucst Ohhes (^ZF), 091?. Zhwcm, @.C. ^fc Kclt`m Ohny. Qfc`thl IM. Pucst Ohhes (^ZF), 091?. Zhwcm, @.C. ^fc Ounnfib Ohny. (^ZF), 091?.
Qfc`thl IM. Pucst Ohhes
@.C. Zhwcm ulncrthhe tfc cxtr`hrnil`ry t`se hg bhkpimila tfc writilas hg @llic Ocs`lt, B.Q. Mc`noc`tcr `ln F.Z. Om`v`tsey hl tfc thpibs hg tfc Ctfcrib, `str`m kclt`m `ln ounnfib ohnics. C`bf hg tfc ghur ohhes mistcn `ohvc is ` bhkpmctc bhkpim`tihl hg tfcsc tfrcc `utfhrs tfhuafts hl c`bf hg tfc ohnics. ^fcsc ghur ghur vhmukcs bhkpimcn oy Zhwcm prhvinc ` vcry bhkp`bt `ln bhlvcliclt shurbc hg ilghrk`tihl `ohut hbbumt `l`thky `s ncgilcn oy Ocs`lt, Mc`noc`tcr `ln Om`v`tsey. ^fcsc vhmukcs k`ec ` libc `nnitihl th `ly mior`ry. _hah, N.R. Mc`vila ^fc Ohny. Lcw Yhre4 Zrcltibc F`mm, F`mm, 0967.
^fis is ` FHQ ^H ohhe hl `str`m prhdcbtihl `ln is ` KSR^ rc`n ohhe. Ig tfcrc is hlc ohhe il tfis mist tf`t yhu sfhumn sfhumn rc`n, it is tfis hlc. _hah f`s nhlc us `mm `l ilbrcniomc scrvibc il tfis ohhe oy bhmmcbtila `mm hg tfc elhwl kctfhns hg `bficvila HHOCs il hlc ohhe. ?2>
Fc bhvcrs Khlrhc's kctfhns, Hpficm's kctfhns, Ghx's kctfhns, tfc kctfhns kctfhns hg hg Yr`k, Yr`k, `ln htfcrs htfcrs `s wcmm. wcmm. Ghr tfc ocaillcr il `str`m prhdcbtihl/HHOCs/Mubin nrc`kila, tfis is tfc ohhe yhu w`lt. Ky hlmy rcscrv`tihl `ohut tfis ohhe is tf`t _hah's inc`s `ohut tfc l`turc hg tfc HHOC `rc lht vcry shpfistib`tcn. _hah w`s ` p`r`psybfhmhaist wfh b`kc cvcltu`mmy th rc`mizc tf`t hbbumt inc`s `rc khrc uscgum tf`l tf`l lht. Out fc fc w`s lht ilghrkcn ilghrkcn clhuaf hbbumt tfchry rc`mmy aivcuscgum ` bhfcrclt hg tfc HHOC. `ohut Lhlctfcmcss, tfis isthtfc khst khst FHQpibturc ^H ohhe hl `str`m prhdcbtihl `v`im`omc thn`y. _hocrts, D`lc. ^fc L`turc Hg ^fc Zsybfc. Lcw Yhre4 Zrcltibc F`mm, 0919.
^fis is lht ` ohhe `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl. Fhwcvcr, tfc Rctf ohhes `rc KSR^ _C@N ohhes. ^fc inc`s tf`t Rctf prcsclts ah hlc stcp ocyhln tr`nitihl`m hbbumtisk th wf`t wc b`l b`mm "khncrl hbbumtisk". Il tfis tfis ohhe, Rctf nisbusscs nisbusscs tfc l`turc hg fuk`l psybfhmhay. ^fc inc`s fc prcsclts il tfis ohhe `rc fiafmy rcmcv`lt th tfc inc` tf`t wf`t wc pcrbcivc il nrc`ks `ln HHOCs `rc, il shkc sclsc, sykohmib cxprcssihls hg hur "fiafcr scmg" (hr wf`tcvcr tcrk yhu prcgcr fcrc). Rctf fcmps us rc`mizc tfc arc`tcr bhltcxts il wfibf hur pfysib`m, nrc`k `ln HHOC cxpcriclbc git. ^fis ohhe is cspcbi`mmy uscgum ghr ulncrst`lnila tfc niggcrclbcs `ln tfc hvcrm`p octwccl w`eila `ln nrc`kila. _hocrts, D`lc. Nrc`ks, "Cvhmutihl", "Cvhmutihl", @ln W`muc Gumgimmkclt, @ Rctf Ohhe. Ohhe. Lcw Yhre4 Yhre4 Zrcltibc F`mm, 0967. 0967.
@lhtfcr Rctf ohhe. @btu`mmy, tfis is twh ohhes4 vhmukcs I `ln II. Fcrc, Rctf prcsclts ` bhlbcpt hg wf`t wf`t nrc`ks `rc tf`t is bhkpmctcmy uliquc. Lhwfcrc cmsc b`l yhu giln giln bhlbcpts hg tfc l`turc hg nrc`ks tf`t `rc ncsbriocn il tfis ohhe. I wimm lht cvcl prctcln fcrc th b`pturc b`pturc Rctf's inc`s. @mm I b`l s`y is I fiafmy rcbhkkcln tfis ohhe. _hocrts, D`lc. D`lc. Rctf - Nrc`ks @ln @ln Zrhdcbtihls Zrhdcbtihls Hg Bhlsbihuslcss. Lcw Yhre4 O`lt`k, 0969.
^fis Rctf ohhe ahcs ilth tfc l`turc hg HHOCs `ln tfcir rcm`tihlsfip th nrc`ks `ln hur w`eila cxpcriclbc. @a`il, tfis Rctf ?23
ohhe fcmps us ulncrst`ln tfc pcrshl`m sykohmisk tf`t is `mw`ys prcsclt il hur migc, wfctfcr w`eila, nrc`kila hr hut-hg-ohny. ^fis is ` vcry ahhn ohhe. _unfy`r, N. Bumturc, Brisis `ln Brc`tivity. Qfc`thl4 Pucst, 0911.
^fis ohhe is lht `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl. I mist tfis ohhe fcrc il tfc oiomihar`pfy `l cxbcmmclt cx`kpmc hg fhw suomikc hbbumt tfhuaft ocb`usc b`l oc.it isGhr scbum`r iltcmmcbtu`ms `ln `b`nckib typcs wfh tfile hbbumtisk is ghr r`vila mhhlics oy r`vila mhhlics, I strhlamy suaacst tfcy bfcbe hut tfis ohhe. _uny`r prcsclts ` vicw hg fuk`l fisthry, cvhmutihl `ln spirtu`mity tf`t nw`rgs `ly hg tfc gccomc kilncn kisbhlbcptihls tf`t prhmigcr`tc il scbum`r `b`nckib birbmcs thn`y. Rp`rrhw, A. Rbhtt. Miafts.
Mubin Nrc`kila, N`wlila Hg ^fc Bmc`r
Wiraili` Oc`bf, W@. @._.C. Zrcss (^fc Cna`r B`scy Ghuln`tihl), 0961. ^fis ohhe is `ohut mubin nrc`ks. It is writtcl prik`rimy grhk ` psybfhmhay pcrspcbtivc. Ghr tfhsc hg yhu iltcrcstcn il tfis pcrspcbtivc, fcrc's ` ohhe. ^fcrc is is lht kubf pr`btib`m k`tcri`m il tfis ohhe. It is khstmy khstmy b`sc stunics `ln ` mht hg spcbum`tihl `ohut tfc l`turc `ln kc`lila hg mubin nrc`ks `ln fhw mubin nrc`ks `rc niggcrclt grhk HHOCs. v`l ncr Mccuw, D.D. Il Bhlqucst Hg Immusihl. Qfc`thl, IM4 Pucst Ohhes, ?ln p`pcro`be cnitihl, cnitihl, 0976. Hriail`m cnitihl 09?6.
^fis ohhe is lht `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl. ^fis ohhe is `ohut clmiaftclkclt, it is is `ohut kystibisk. I f`vc `nvhb`tcn il tfcsc lhtcs tf`t clmiaftclkclt (hr ounnfi) is tfc pcrspcbtivc `ln st`tc hg bhlsbihuslcss yhu sfhumn scce. ^fis ohhe is hlc k`l's cxpcriclbc hg `bficvila `bficvila tfis st`tc. v`l ncr Mccuw nhcs `l cmca`lt dho hg nispm`yila fhw ocbhkila clmiaftclcn `mtcrs ghrcvcr hlcs vicw hg hlcscmg `ln tfc whrmn. Fc `msh nhcs ` arc`t dho hg sfhwila fhw tfc iltcmmcbt is *ilgcrihr* wfcl lht immukil`tcn oy tfc miaft hg ounnfi. Ghr tfhsc hg yhu wfh scce tfc umtik`tc, umtik`tc, `ln ncsirc th hvcrbhkc tfc mikit`tihls hg tfc kiln, tfis ohhe is ` KSR^ _C@N.
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Tikkcr, Fcilribf. Zfimhshpfics Hg Ilni`. Lcw Yhre, Kcrini`l Ohhes, 0937.
^fis ohhe is lht `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl. Ghr tfhsc iltcrcstcn, tfis ohhe is `l cxtclsivc survcy hg tfc inc`s hg Ilni`l bivimiz`tihl, ilbmunila Filnuisk, Yha`, D`ilisk, Ounnfisk, ^`ltr` `ln Or`fk`lisk. Or`fk`lisk. It is ` oc`utigummy oc`utigummy writtcl writtcl ohhe oy hlc hg tfc ghrckhst khncrl sbfhm`rs hl Ilni`l Ilni`l tfhuaft. tfhuaft. @ly hg Tikkcr's whres `rc fiafmy rcbhkkclncn5 fc is ` orimmi`lt, `rtibum`tc `ln sclsitivc writcr. Hlc kiaft cvcl suspcbt Tikkcr w`s ` rcilb`rl`tcn Filnu!
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Zm`lc ^`me Bhmukls
I
l Hbthocr hg 0993 I w`s ilvitcn th writc ` scrics hg `rtibmcs ghr Bf`rmcs Ahhnil’s @str`m Zrhdcbtihl Mior`ry hl tfc Qhrmn Qinc Qco (tfc mior`ry’s `nnrcss w`s4 fttp4//www.m`v`.lct/~ahhnil/mior`ry.ftkm). fttp4//www.m`v`.lct/ ~ahhnil/mior`ry.ftkm). ^fcsc `rtibmcs wcrc, il cggcbt, tfc suppmckclts tfc th NHXHOC. Ghur `rtibmcs wcrc wcrc writtcl `ln I `k ilbmunila tfck fcrc.
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Hbt 0993 Iltrhnubtihls `ln Spn`tc
fis is tfc girst il ` scrics hg bhmukls I'mm oc writila ghr Bf`rmcs Ahhnil's @str`m Zrhdcbtihl Fhkc Z`ac. Qf`t I'n miec th nh ghr tfis girst bhmukl is iltrhnubc kyscmg th tfhsc hg yhu wfh nhl't elhw kc, `ln prhvinc `l hg upn`tc hg tfilas ghr tfhsc hg yhu wfh nh elhw kc, `s wcmm `s aivc ` sclsc hg wf`t I'mm oc nhila il tfcsc bhmukls.
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Girst hgg, I'n miec th tf`le Bf`rmcs ghr ilvitila kc th writc tfcsc bhmukls ghr fis p`ac. I'vc ahttcl th elhw Bf`rmcs hvcr tfc p`st yc`r. Fc `ln I `rc il tfc kinst hg bhlspirila th k`ec `s kubf ilghrk`tihl `s phssiomc `ohut HOCs `ln `mtcrcn st`tcs grccmy `v`im`omc hvcr tfc Iltcrlct `ln tfrhuafhut byocrsp`bc. Qc clbhur`ac tfhsc hg yhu hut tfcrc wfh `msh f`vc ilsiafts th bhltrioutc th nh sh. ?29
^fcrc is lh qucstihl tf`t tfcrc f`s occl ` bhltilucn arhwtf hg ilghrk`tihl `ohut HOCs `ln htfcr `mtcrcn st`tcs kumtipmyila miec wccns hut fcrc hl tfc Lct. ^fis is ohtf ahhn `ln o`n. It's ahhn ocb`usc byocrsp`bc prhvincs ` whrmn-winc ghruk ghr us th `mm sf`rc hur cxpcriclbc `ln cxprcss hur inc`s - il htfcr whrns, k`ly hg us `rc nisbhvcrila tfrhuaf byocrsp`bc tf`t wc `rc lht `mhlc il hur qucst th cxpmhrc `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss. It's ahhn ocb`usc ` ocaillcr hr shkchlc witf iltcrcst il `mtcrcn st`tcs b`l act ` mht hg ilghrk`tihl c`simy vi` byocrsp`bc. It's o`n ocb`usc tfc qu`ltity hg ilghrk`tihl tf`t is `bbukum`tila is sikpmy k`ssivc. Dust mhhe `t Bf`rmcs' @str`m Zrhdcbtihl Fhkc Z`ac hr _clé E. Kýmmcr's Rpirit Z`acs th scc fhw kubf ilghrk`tihl tfcrc is. ^fis quibe `ln c`sy `bbcss th ilghrk`tihl mclns itscmg th ` p`rtibum`r `ousc4 `oshroila thh kubf witfhut niacstila it. Qfcl I aht ilth `mm tfis stugg, I f`n th rc`n ohhes5 hlc `t ` tikc, tfc hmn g`sfihlcn w`y! ^fis a`vc kc tikc th tfile `ohut wf`t I w`s rc`nila ocghrc I khvcn hl th tfc lcxt ohhe. Qitf `mm tfc ilgh hut fcrc hl tfc Lct, its c`sy th seik hvcr mhts hg it witfhut rc`mmy iltcar`tila `ly hg it ilth yhur tfileila. ^fis is ` pitg`mm th `vhin, lh k`ttcr fhw tckptila it is th try th `oshro m`rac qu`ltitics hg inc`s quibemy `s tfc Lct tckpts us th nh. @lhtfcr phtclti`m prhomck witf tfc cvcr-kumtipmyila ilgh hl `mtcrcn st`tcs hut fcrc hl tfc Lct is sikpmy tfc v`ricty hg vicwphilts yhu'mm clbhultcr. @btu`mmy, tfis thh is ahhn `ln o`n. It's ahhn ocb`usc nivcrsity is ahhn il its hwl riaft. Its ahhn ocb`usc tfis nivcrsity sikpmy rcgmcbts psybfhmhaib`m rc`mity. Lh hlc vicwphilt is bhrrcbt (` tfckc I wimm bhltilu`mmy nwcmm hl). Hl tfc htfcr f`ln, spiritu`m k`ttcrs, `mtcrcn st`tcs, hbbumtisk `ln subf thpibs `rc fiafmy pcrshl`m `ln fiafmy ncpcln`lt hl wfcrc `ly hlc hg us is `t il tcrks hg hur psybfhmhaib`m arhwtf `ln k`turity. Qfcl it bhkcs th spiritu`mity `ln cxpmhrila `mtcrcn st`tcs, wf`t is ahhn ghr hlc pcrshl k`y oc tht`mmy ulfc`mtfy ghr `lhtfcr `ln bhkpmctcmy irrcmcv`lt th `lhtfcr pcrshl. ^fus, il tfc pmctfhr` hg ilghrk`tihl hg spiritu`mity `ln rcm`tcn thpibs `v`im`omc fcrc hl tfc Lct, c`bf hg us f`s th usc b`utihl `ln nisbrikil`tihl wfcl cv`mu`tila ig ` p`rtibum`r inc` is rcmcv`lt th hur prcsclt lccns. Il htfcr whrns, wf`t I `k s`yila is nhl't ultfileilamy `bbcpt cvcrytfila yhu scc `ln fc`r hut fcrc hl tfc Lct. ^fc v`ricty tf`t cxists hut fcrc rcgmcbts tfc v`ricty hg lccns tf`t `mm hg us `rc cxpcriclbila wfcl tfc ilghrk`tihl is phstcn. ?>:
^fus, `ly picbc hg ilgh sikpmy k`y hr k`y lht oc rcmcv`lt. O`scn hl ky cxpcriclbc, khst pchpmc hut fcrc nh ilnccn elhw fhw th nisbrikil`tc tfis eiln hg stugg, out its whrtf s`yila `ln rckilnila cvcryohny. Rh, f`vila k`nc ky iltrhnubthry rck`res, mct kc s`y ` oit `ohut kyscmg `ln tfis bhmukl. Ky l`kc, `s yhu b`l scc grhk tfc `utfhr brcnits, is Nhl NcAr`bi`. ^fhsc hg yhu wfh elhw kc elhw I'k tfc `utfhr hg tfc grcc c-ohhe NHXHOC, wfibf is ` "fhw-th" ohhe `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihls/HOCs/mubin nrc`ks. Ghr tfhsc hg yhu wfh f`vcl't rc`n NHXHOC, I'vc occl cxpmhrila `str`m prhdcbtihl silbc 0961 `ln f`vc f`n quitc ` gcw hg tfcsc cxpcriclbcs, wcmm hvcr 03: hg tfck oy lhw, tfhuaf I'vc aivcl up bhultila tfck th oc fhlcst. I'vc cxtclsivcmy stunicn tfcsc cxpcriclbcs, ohtf il tcrks hg rc`nila `ohut tfck (tfhuaf tfcrc is stimm pmclty khrc I f`vc th rc`n!) `ln il tcrks hg `btu`mmy f`vila tfck. I'vc `msh stunicn hbbumt inc`s cxtclsivcmy. @s wcmm, I'k ` sbicltist. I k`ec ky mivila nhila oihbfckistry il ` ulivcrsity. Il ` gcw khltfs I sfhumn oc acttila ky ZfN il tfc gicmn hg pfysihmhay (out pmc`sc nhl't b`mm kc "Nhbthr"!). I `k vcry iltcrcstcn il `mm hg sbiclbc grhk pfysibs th shbihmhay, out I `k cspcbi`mmy iltcrcstcn il or`il sbiclbc. I'mm f`vc ` mht th s`y il tfis bhmukl `ohut or`il sbiclbc `ln its rcm`tihl th tfc `mtcrcn st`tcs wc b`l `bficvc. Il aclcr`m, I t`ec prctty kubf ` sbicltigib `ttitunc thw`rns `mtcrcn st`tcs, out I rcspcbt `ln `k hpcl th hbbumt tfchrics hg `mtcrcn st`tcs (ulmiec k`ly sbicltists, ulghrtul`tcmy). @ln khst hg `mm, I rc`mmy try th strcss ` pr`btib`m `pprh`bf th `mtcrcn st`tcs. ^`me `ln inc`s `rc hlc tfila - ocila `omc th nh shkctfila ghr yhurscmg is `lhtfcr. Rh, khrc tf`l `ly p`rtibum`r tfchrctib`m gr`kcwhre, I strcss pr`btib`m inc`s `ln nircbt cxpcriclbc. Ghr tfhsc hg yhu wfh nh elhw kc, mct kc upn`tc yhu hl tfilas. Its occl hvcr ` yc`r silbc NHXHOC w`s rcmc`scn ilth byocrsp`bc. Hvcr tfis yc`r I f`vc rcbcivcn ck`im grhk mitcr`mmy fulnrcns hg pchpmc `rhuln tfc whrmn wfh'vc rc`n tfc ohhe `ln thhe kc up hl ky hggcr th nrhp kc ck`im. Zchpmc f`vc writtcl `ln aivcl kc k`ly libc bhkpmikclts hl tfc ohhe, tfcy'vc writtcl witf mhts hg qucstihls, `ln tfcy f`vc sf`rcn k`ly hg tfcir nircbt cxpcriclbcs witf kc. @ln I f`vc th s`y, its occl `l ilbrcniomc cnub`tihl cxpcriclbc ghr kc! @mm tfis gccno`be f`s f`n ` suost`lti`m ikp`bt hl ky inc`s. ?>0
Ghr hlc tfila, fc`rila grhk sh k`ly pchpmc f`s `mmhwcn kc th scc k`ly sikim`ritics il hur prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbcs. ^fis hlmy rcilghrbcs ky bhltcltihl tf`t prhdcbtila is ` l`tur`m `oimity tf`t khst hg us b`l `bficvc witf shkc cgghrt. I `k `msh lhw khrc bhlvilbcn tf`l cvcr tf`t prhdcbtila (hr wf`tcvcr yhu w`lt th b`mm it) is ` bhkpmctcmy hodcbtivc cxpcriclbc. ^fcrc `rc g`r thh k`ly sikim`ritics il pchpmc's cxpcriclbcs th tfile tf`t tfcsc cxpcriclbcs `rc shkcfhw Rhkctfila rc`m `ln v`min is ahila hl fcrc.kcrcmy @s tikc"suodcbtivc". ahcs hl, khrc `ln khrcvcry pchpmc, m`yk`l `ln sbicltists `miec, `rc bhkila th `pprcbi`tc tfis. Out prho`omy khst ikphrt`ltmy, t`meila th sh k`ly pchpmc `ohut HOCs, `ohut spiritu`mity `ln `ohut migc il aclcr`m f`s rc`mmy nrivcl fhkc shkctfila th kc4 hur sikim`ritics rc`mmy hutwciaf hur niggcrclbcs. Its occl `l `k`zila cxpcriclbc ghr kc th iltcrg`bc witf sh k`ly pchpmc ilvhmvcn il pursuit hg spiritu`m p`tfs, `ln th scc dust fhw kubf wc `mm rc`mmy f`vc il bhkkhl. @mm tfis f`s hlmy scrvcn th fukomc kc cvcl gurtfcr `ln fcmp th nisshmvc prctclsihls finncl il ky inc`s `ln ky pcrshl`mity. Il NHXHOC, I st`tcn, tf`t pr`btila HOCs f`n ` strhla cmckclt hg tfcr`py il it, out I lcvcr ik`ailcn it bhumn k`ligcst miec tfis - oy sikpmy bhkkulib`tila `ln sf`rila inc`s `ln cxpcriclbcs witf sh k`ly pchpmc! Il tcrks hg ky inc`s `ohut HOCs, ky tfileila f`s bhltilucn th arhw `ln k`turc silbc NHXHOC w`s writtcl. @gtcr tfc ohhe w`s writtcl `ln rcmc`scn ilth byocrsp`bc, I clncn up t`eila ` ar`nu`tc bm`ss il lcurhpfysihmhay (or`il sbiclbc). Qf`t I mc`rlcn il tfis bm`ss f`n ` k`dhr ikp`bt hl ky tfileila. Khst ikphrt`ltmy, tfis bm`ss hpclcn kc up th tfc v`st `ln bhkpmcx gicmn hg lcurhpfysihmhay, Qfcl I wrhtc NHXHOC, I hlmy f`n ` sb`lt g`kimi`rity hg tfis gicmn. Rilbc t`eila tfis bm`ss `ln o`sib`mmy mc`rlila tfc m`lau`ac hg or`il sbiclbc, I'vc oca ul th rc`n `ln ilvcstia`tc tfc sbicltigib mitcr`turc hl smccp, nrc`ks, HOCs `ln htfcr `mtcrcn st`tcs. Qf`t I f`vc mc`rlcn il tfc p`st yc`r is tf`t tfc sbicltigib stuny hg smccp, nrc`ks, HOCs, `ln `mtcrcn st`tcs is khrc shpfistib`tcn tf`l I f`n cvcr tfhuaft `ln ncgilitcmy khrc shpfistib`tcn tf`l tfc sikpmc kilncn ikprcssihl hg sbicltigib `pprh`bfcs th `mtcrcn st`tcs I prcscltcn il NHXHOC. Ghr cx`kpmc, `ln tfis k`y oc surprisila th k`ly hg yhu, `t tfc tikc hg writila NHXHOC, I w`s ulg`kimi`r witf Nr. Rtcpfcl M`Ocrac's whre `ln rcsc`rbf hl mubin nrc`kila `t ^fc Mubinity Ilstitutc. Qfcl I rc`n fis ohhe Mubin Nrc`kila (O`mm`ltilc, 0963) I w`s `k`zcn `t fhw shpfistib`tcn fis vicwphilt ?>?
w`s. Miecwisc, I f`vc nisbhvcrcn k`ly htfcr vcry ahhn inc`s il tfc sbicltigib mitcr`turc tf`t f`vc cxp`lncn ky vicws `ohut wf`t HOCs/mubin nrc`ks/`str`m prhdcbtihls bhumn oc. Aivcl `mm tfc lcw inc`s I f`vc mc`rlcn, ohtf grhk t`meila th pchpmc tfrhuaf tfc ck`im `ln grhk `mm tfc k`tcri`m I'vc occl rc`nila, its prctty bmc`r th kc lhw tf`t tfc inc`s I prcsclt il NHXHOC `rc lht `s o`m`lbcn `s tfcy `rc il ky kiln lhw. I mc`lcn fc`vimy hl hbbumt inc`s il NHXHOC `ln kisscn hut bhkpmctcmy hl k`ly ikphrt`lt sbicltigib inc`s. Hlc cx`kpmc is il NHXHOC I ncsbrioc shkctfila b`mmcn `l "ctfcrib prhdcbtihl". Nurila `l "ctfcrib prhdcbtihl" hlc is cssclti`mmy p`r`myzcn `ln b`llht khvc. Qcmm, `s k`ly hg yhu elhw, tfc inc` hg smccp p`r`mysis is ` bhkkhl hlc, `ln wf`t I b`mm `l "ctfcrib prhdcbtihl" il NHXHOC is `btu`mmy rcgcrrila th tfis pfclhkcl` hg smccp p`r`mysis. @ln `s k`ly hg yhu prho`omy elhw, smccp p`r`mysis hbburs nurila _CK (r`pin cyc khvckclt) smccp, wfcl `mm hg tfc kusbmcs hg tfc ohny `rc p`r`myzcn cxbcpt tfc kusbmcs il hur bfcst tf`t bhltrhm orc`tfila `ln tfc kusbmcs il hur cycs tf`t mc`n th _CK. Rh, il shkc rcspcbts, I'vc occl pm`yila "b`tbf-up" tfrhuaf tfis m`st yc`r, tryila th act octtcr ilghrkcn `ohut sbicltigib inc`s rcm`tila th smccp, nrc`ks `ln HOC/mubin nrc`ks (`ln htfcr `mtcrcn st`tcs). I f`vc ` visihl. ^fis visihl is tf`t sbicltigib `ln hbbumt inc`s `ohut L`turc `ln Fuk`lity b`l `ln sfhumn oc kixcn. Rbiclbc is ` kctfhn ghr tcstila tfc v`minity hg hur inc`s oy usila cxpcrikclts. Hbbumtisk is ` stuny hg tfc illcr g`bcts hg hur psybfhmhay `ln spiritu`mity. ^fcrc is k`ssivc hvcrm`p octwccl tfcsc twh scts hg tc`bfilas. Rhkc sbicltists, subf `s B`rm Dula, b`l oc bhlsincrcn th oc citfcr ` sbicltist hr hbbumtist, hr ohtf. ^fc stuny hg HOCs/mubin nrc`ks/`str`m prhdcbtila sits sk`be il tfc kinnmc hg sbiclbc `ln hbbumtisk. Hriail`mmy, tfis cxpcriclbc w`s tfc purvicw hg hbbumtisk `ln b`mmcn `l "`str`m prhdcbtihl". Nurila tfc girst tfrcc qu`rtcrs hg tfis bcltury, p`r`psybfhmhaists orhuaft tfc stuny hg prhdcbtila ilth tfc rc`mk hg sbiclbc oy bhlbcptu`mizila it `s `l HOC. Il tfc m`st ncb`nc `ln ` f`mg, psybfhmhaists f`vc orhuaft tfc stuny hg tfis cxpcriclbc cvcl nccpcr ilth tfc rc`mk hg sbiclbc oy sccila it `s ` mubin nrc`k `ln orilaila th oc`r tfc thhms `ln ulncrst`lnila hg psybfhmhay `ln lcurhmhay. ?>2
^hn`y, k`ly sbicltists csbfcw tfc hbbumt vicws hg tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc `ln niskiss hbbumt inc`s `s tfc kytfhmhaics hg ` mcss sbicltigib `ln khrc l`ivc `ac. Cvcl tfc inc` hg tfc "hut hg ohny cxpcriclbc" `ppc`rs th f`vc g`mmcl hut hg g`vhr. M`Ocrac `raucs tf`t sccila mubin nrc`ks cvcl `s HOCs is `msh ` prikitivc `ttckpt th cxpm`il wf`t tfcsc cxpcriclbcs `rc. I o`sib`mmy `arcc witf M`O`rac's inc`s `ohut tfc p`r`psybfhmhaib`m `pprh`bf. Il NHXHOC I k`nc lh ohlcs `ohut britibizila tfc p`r`psybfhmhaib`m inc` hg tfc HOC. Fhwcvcr, I `k mcss rc`ny th niskiss hbbumt inc`s `ohut tfc pm`lcs hg l`turc. ^hh kubf is stimm ulelhwl il or`il sbiclbc `ln il pfysibs ghr kc th bhlbmunc tf`t tfc pm`lcs nhl't cxist hr tf`t tfc hbbumt inc` tf`t wc f`vc tr`lsbclnclt`m `spcbts (subf `s ` shum) is fhaw`sf. Fhwcvcr, ky inc`s lhw `rc khrc tckpcrcn `ln khrc rcgilcn ocb`usc I f`vc ` octtcr ulncrst`lnila hg tfc st`tc hg burrclt sbicltigib inc`s `ohut smccp `ln nrc`ks `ln `ohut tfc hpcr`tihl hg tfc or`il il aclcr`m. Rh, ilkhrc ` lutsfcmm4 Rilbc NHXHOC w`skyrcmc`scn ` yc`rwf`t `ah I'vc mc`rlcn `ln bhltilucn th arhw il inc`s `ohut prhdcbtihls `rc `ln wf`t tfcy kc`l th us `s ilnivinu`ms. I'vc stunicn khrc hg tfc sbicltigib `lamc `ln f`vc iltcar`tcn tfis ilth ky tfileila, mc`nila th ` khrc o`m`lbcn philt hg vicw octwccl sbicltigib `ln hbbumt bhlbcptihls hg tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc. @ln I'vc bhkkulib`tcn witf ` mht hg pchpmc, fc`rila ` mht khrc `ohut pchpmc's pcrshl`m cxpcriclbcs prhdcbtila tf`l I cvcr nrc`kcn I whumn. ^fis f`s rc`mmy aivcl kc ` mht th tfile `ohut `ln I fhpc th usc upbhkila bhmukls th sf`rc witf yhu `mm shkc hg tfc lcw ilsiafts I'vc a`ilcn. @s wcmm, `mm tfc lcw tfilas I f`vc mc`rlcn hvcr tfc p`st yc`r f`vc `msh `ggcbtcn ky hwl prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbcs, `ln I fhpc th t`me `ohut tfcsc il guturc bhmukls. Rh, st`y tulcn, tfcrc's khrc psybfh-o`oomc th bhkc!
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D`l 0997 @str`m Zrhdcbtihl hr Mubin Nrc`kila8
i. Qcmbhkc th ky scbhln bhmukl hg Zm`lc ^`me. @s I st`tcn il tfc prcvihus bhmukl, tfrhuafhut tfis p`st yc`r I f`vc rc`mmy ocbhkc kubf khrc g`kimi`r witf sbicltigib vicws hg tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc. Qf`t I w`lt th nh il tfis bhmukl is nisbuss shkc hg tfc stugg I'vc mc`rlcn `ln `se tfc qucstihl4 wfibf is tfc octtcr vicwphilt4 `str`m prhdcbtihl hr mubin nrc`kila8
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Yhu'mm lhtibc I'k lht cvcl bhlsincrila tfc inc` hg hut-hgohny cxpcriclbc (HOC). Mct's rcvicw ` oit `ln put tfis il pcrspcbtivc. Il NHXHOC, I nrcw ` orh`n nistilbtihl octwccl tfc tfrcc tcrks khst bhkkhlmy `ppmicn th tfis cxpcriclbc4 0. `str`m prhdcbtihls, ?. hut-hg-ohny cxpcriclbcs, `ln 2. mubin nrc`ks. I nisbusscn fhw tfc tcrk "`str`m prhdcbtila" ncgilcs `l hbbumt vicw hg tfis cxpcriclbc. Qfibf is th s`y tf`t wfcl wc f`vc tfis cxpcriclbc ?>3
wc f`vc mcgt tfc pfysib`m pm`lc `ln cltcrcn tfc `str`m (hr hlc hg tfc htfcr pm`lcs). "HOC" is ` tcrk grhk p`r`psybfhmhay `ln ghr tfc khst p`rt ikpmics tf`t shkc ilvisiomc p`rt hg hurscmvcs mc`vcs tfc ohny `ln is grcc th tr`vcm `rhuln il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. ^fc tcrk "mubin nrc`kila" is tfc psybfhmhaist's vicw hg tfis pfclhkcl` `ln tfis tcrk nhcsl't cvcl bhlsincr tfc issuc hg wfctfcr `lytfila "mc`vcs tfc ohny" hr lht, out st`tcs tf`t wf`t is f`ppclila is tf`t wc `rc `w`rc tf`t wc `rc nrc`kila wfimc wc `rc witfil tfc nrc`k. Il ky prcvihus bhmukl, I put tfcsc tfrcc tcrks il ` fisthrib`m pcrspcbtivc. ^fc hmncst tcrk is `str`m prhdcbtila. ^fc hbbumtists wcrc tfc girst arhup th t`ec tfis pfclhkcl` scrihusmy `ln try th aivc it `l cxpm`l`tihl. Ocb`usc it is vcry hovihus hlbc yhu mc`rl th prhdcbt tf`t yhu `rc lht il tfc pfysib`m whrmn hg w`eila migc, tfc hbbumtists bhlbhbtcn tfc vicw tf`t, l`tur`mmy clhuaf, yhu `rc lh mhlacr il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. ^fcy l`tur`mmy clhuaf tfhuaft tf`t, silbc yhu `rc hovihusmy shkcwfcrc nhila shkctfila, tf`t yhu kust oc il `l `mthactfcr niggcrclt whrmn. ^fis, I ocmicvc is tfc o`sis ghr tfc inc` hg tfc `str`m pm`lc `ln tfc hbbumt inc` hg tfc pm`lcs il aclcr`m. Fisthrib`mmy, tfis inc` bryst`mmizcn girkmy il 0693 witf Bf`rmcs Mc`noc`tcr's ohhe ^fc @str`m Zm`lc. Htfcr bhltriouthrs th tfis vicw wcrc Hmivcr Ghx's @str`m Zrhdcbtihl `ln Kumnhhl `ln B`rilathl's ^fc Zrhdcbtihl hg tfc @str`m Ohny. Fhwcvcr, `s wc prharcsscn grhk tfc 09tf th tfc ?:tf bcltury, lhl-hbbumt ghmes aht iltcrcstcn il tfc pfclhkcl` hg prhdcbtila. ^fis cgghrt oca`l witf tfc Oritisf Rhbicty ghr Zsybfib`m _csc`rbf (RZ_), wfibf w`s ` arhup hg sbicltists iltcrcstcn il ilvcstia`tila bm`iks hg p`r`lhrk`m `ln hbbumt pfclhkcl`. ^fc "sbiclbc" hg p`r`psybfhmhay arcw fcrc il tfc Slitcn Rt`tcs hut hg tfc `pprh`bf hg tfc RZ_. ^fc p`r`psybfhmhaists fcrc il tfc Slitcn Rt`tcs, mc`n oy D.O. _filc, thhe ` khstmy st`tistib`m `pprh`bf th tfilas, `ln tfcir p`r`niaks wcrc lcvcr vcry wcmm ncgilcn. It w`s tfc p`r`psybfhmhaists wfh brc`tcn tfc tcrk "HOC", rcdcbtila tfc hmncr tcrk "`str`m prhdcbtihl". ^fc p`r`psybfhmiasts `o`lnhlcn tfc hbbumt inc` hg tfc lhlpfysib`m pm`lcs `ln ilstc`n vicwcn tfc HOC `s shkcfhw tfc pcrshl's bhlsbihuslcss bhumn mc`vc tfc ohny `ln tr`vcm th nist`lt mhb`tihls il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. ^fc hlc `nv`lbc tfc p`r`psybfhmhaists f`n hvcr tfc hbbumtists is tf`t tfcy tricn th tcst tfcir inc`s cxpcrikclt`mmy. Fhwcvcr, tfc vicw hg tfc HOC `s hbburrila il tfc pfysib`m whrmn lcvcr whrecn hut. Cxpcrikclts il wfibf suodcbts wcrc supphscn th f`vc `l HOC `ln `bquirc ?>7
ilghrk`tihl grhk tfc lcxt rhhk hr nhwl tfc f`mm lcvcr prhnubcn `ly bmc`r but rcsumts. ^fc prhomck witf tfc p`r`psybfhmhaib`m vicw hg tfc HOC is tf`t it rcdcbtcn tfc hbbumt vicw hg `str`m prhdcbtihl, `ln tfus but itscmg hgg grhk ikphrt`lt shurbcs hg ilghrk`tihl `ohut tfc l`turc hg tfis cxpcriclbc. F`n p`r`psybfhmhaists rc`n hbbumt trc`tiscs `ohut `str`m prhdcbtihl, tfcy lcvcr whumn f`vc mhhecn ghr tfc HOC il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. Hl tfc htfcr f`ln, `s I s`in, `t mc`st p`r`psybfhmhaist th cxpcrikclt`mmy tfcir inc`s. Hbbumtists lcvcr rc`mmy nin tricn cxpcrikclts. ^fc hmn tcst `str`m prhdcbtihl `utfhrs whumn mc`rl th prhdcbt `ln tfcir ohhes khstmy ncsbrioc wf`t tfcy cxpcriclbcn il tfis st`tc - out tfcy lcvcr ncviscn w`ys th tcst tfcir inc`s. Rh, p`r`psybfhmhay `s ` wfhmc, wfibf aht its st`rt il tfc 092:s, bfuaacn `mhla `t mhw stc`k `ln lcvcr rc`mmy aht hgg tfc arhuln hr wclt `lywfcrc. Oy tfc m`tc 091:s, p`r`psybfhmhay nicn. ^fus, tfc inc` hg tfc HOC lcvcr wclt `lywfcrc. It w`s ` st`ac il hur ulncrst`lnila hg tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc, `ln it is ` st`ac tf`t f`s occl hutarhwl ghr tfc khst p`rt. Rtcpfcl M`Ocrac f`s writtcl cxtclsivcmy `ohut fhw HOCs `rc `btu`mmy mubin nrc`ks. Ig yhu w`lt th scc fis `raukclts, wfibf `rc vcry rc`shl`omc `ln ahhn, tfcl pmc`sc bfcbe hut fis ohhes. Kc`lwfimc, `s wc cltcrcn tfc ?:tf bcltury, tfcrc w`s ` lcw sbiclbc hl tfc omhbe `ln tfcy b`mmcn tfckscmvcs "psybfhmhaists" `ln it w`s tfcir ah`m th stuny tfc fuk`l kiln. Zsybfhmhay f`s p`sscn tfrhuaf ` lukocr hg pf`scs hg arhwtf hvcr tfc p`st fulnrcn yc`rs. It oca`l `s `l hggsfhht hg pfysihmhay out oca`l th `bquirc its hwl incltity c`rmy il tfis bcltury. ^fcrc f`vc occl k`ly sbfhhms hg psybfhmhaib`m tfhuaft. @t tfc turl hg tfc bcltury wcrc tfc psybfh`l`mysts subf `s Grcun `ln Dula. Il tfc 09?:s Acst`mt psybfhmhay w`s ohrl. ^fcl ` mittmc m`tcr b`kc ocf`vihrisk5 tfcl tr`lspcrshl`m psybfhmhay. @ln `mm `mhla, pfysihmhaib`m psybfhmhay wfibf is ` vicw hg tfc fuk`l kiln `s ` prhnubt hg or`il pfysihmhay - prharcsscn `ln cvhmvcn. @ln il tfc 091:s ` lcw typc hg psybfhmhay - bhalitivc psybfhmhay - cvhmvcn, `ln is thn`y tfc k`il `pprh`bf th `b`nckib psybfhmhay. Bhalitivc psybfhmhay stunics fhw hur kilns whre. @ln khst ikphrt`ltmy bhalitivc psybfhmhay f`s nhvct`imcn witf lcurhmhay (wfibf is tfc stuny hg or`il gulbtihl), `ln thactfcr tfcsc sbiclbcs (wfibf `rc quibemy ocbhkila hlc sbiclbc) `rc p`iltila ` k`aligibiclt pibturc hg fhw tfc or`il brc`tcs tfc kiln. @mm hg tfcsc or`lbfcs hg psybfhmhay rcprcsclt ?>1
niggcrclt vicws hg tfc fuk`l kiln. C`bf f`s ` v`minity il its hwl riaft `ln c`bf is whrtf bhlsincrila. ^fc g`bt tf`t tfcrc `rc sh k`ly `pprh`bfcs th psybfhmhay ilnib`tcs tf`t tfc fuk`l kiln is ` bhkpmcx tfila. Lh hlc vicw hg wf`t wc `rc b`l suggibc. ^fcrc `rc thh k`ly `spcbts th ocila fuk`l `ln c`bf hg tfcsc `pprh`bfcs th psybfhmhay fiafmiafts hlc hr `lhtfcr hg tfc g`bcts hg fuk`llcss. Lhw, wf`t is vcry ikphrt`lt th `pprcbi`tc is tf`t `mm tfcsc niggcrila vicws hg psybfhmhay f`vc hlc tfila il bhkkhl4 `l `nfcrclbc th tfc sbicltigib kctfhn. ^fc sbicltigib kctfhn is quitc sikpmc `btu`mmy. It sikpmy is ` pfimhshpfy tf`t s`ys lht th ocmicvc `ly inc` ulmcss yhu b`l giln ` w`y th tcst it . ^fis is ` sikpmc inc`. It nhcsl't t`ec ` rhbect sbicltists th `pprcbi`tc tfc kc`lila hg `ppmyila tfc sbicltigib kctfhn th tfilas. Ig wc w`lt th giaurc hut tfc l`turc hg tfilas, wc k`ec up `l inc` hg wf`t tfilas `rc. Out wc dust nhl't ocmicvc tfc inc`5 k`eila up tfc inc` is hlmy tfc girst stcp. ^fc lcxt stcp, wfibf is tfc brubi`m stcp, is tryila th ncvisc shkc w`y th tcst ig tfc inc` is truc hr g`msc. ^fcsc tcsts `rc b`mmcn "cxpcrikclts". @ln oy tcstila `l inc` witf `l cxpcrikclt, wc b`l nctcrkilc ig hur inc` f`s v`muc il ncsbrioila tfc l`turc hg tfilas `rhuln us, hr ig tfc inc` is dust sh kubf fht `ir. @ln rckckocr, tfc ah`m hg sbiclbc is th ulncrst`ln tfc l`turc hg tfilas. Rh, il tfis qucst, `s wc ncvisc inc`s `ln tfcl ncvisc w`ys th tcst tfck, shkc inc`s `rc ghuln th oc riaft, `ln htfcrs `rc ghuln th oc wrhla. It nhcsl't k`ttcr ig `l inc` is riaft hr wrhla - it k`ttcrs tf`t tfc inc` f`s occl tcstcn. @ sbicltist wfh tcsts `l inc` `ln gilns it wrhla is lh mcss ` sbicltist tf`t hlc wfh tcsts `l inc` `ln gilns it th oc riaft. Ohtf `rc sbicltists, `ln ohtf `rc nhila tfcir dho bhrrcbtmy. Rh wf`t I w`lt `mm yhu rc`ncrs hut tfcrc th `pprcbi`tc is tfis sikpmc g`bt4 usila tfc sbicltigib kctfhn kc`ls tf`t yhu th`rcnctcrkilc tryila iligshkc g`sfihl hr `lhtfcr (i.c.sikpmy oy nhila cxpcrikclts) yhur inc`s `rc bhrrcbt hr lht. @ln tfcrc is hlc khrc `spcbt hg sbiclbc wc kust nisbuss ocghrc acttila o`be th tfc issuc hg mubin nrc`kila hr `str`m prhdcbtila. ^fis is tfc l`turc hg mhaib`m rc`shlila. Mhaib itscmg is sikpmc thh. ^fc inc` hg mhaib is tf`t inc`s `rc rcm`tcn th c`bf htfcr il ` kc`lilagum g`sfihl. Mhaib is sikpmy ` w`y hg tfileila bmc`rmy. ^fcrc `rc twh k`il `pprh`bfcs th usila mhaib4 hlc is b`mmcn ilnubtivc, tfc htfcr ncnubtivc. ^fc niggcrclbc octwccl tfcsc is `s ghmmhws. Qfcl yhu `rc ilnubtivc, yhu ocail yhur rc`shlila witf p`rtibum`rs, `ln grhk tfcsc try th nr`w aclcr`miz`tihls. Ncnubtihl is ?>6
tfc hpphsitc4 yhu st`rt witf ` aclcr`m vicwphilt, `ln grhk tfis try th prcnibt wf`t tfc p`rtibum`rs wimm oc. ^fcsc `rc hpphsitc w`ys th usc mhaib.. Lhw, khst sbiclbc is, il aclcr`m, ilnubtivc. Qf`t tfis kc`ls is yhu st`rt witf ` oulbf hg p`rtibum`r hoscrv`tihls, `ln grhk tfcsc try th nr`w ` "oia pibturc" hr bhlbmusihl. ^fc rc`shl khst sbiclbc is ilnubtivc is ocb`usc yhu tcst ilnivinu`m inc`s oy nhila cxpcrikclts. C`bf cxpcrikclt`m rcsumt aivcs yhu hlc p`rtibum`r picbc hg ilghrk`tihl. @s yhu picbc thactfcr khrc `ln khrc p`rtibum`rs, ` pibturc ckcracs, dust miec wfcl yhu put ` dias`w puzzmc thactfcr. Hl tfc htfcr f`ln, ncnubtihl whres tfc hpphsitc w`y. Yhu st`rt witf shkc vcry orh`n aclcr`miz`tihl `ln grhk tfis try th "ncnubc" wf`t tfc p`rtibum`rs wimm oc. Rh, witf ncnubtihl yhu st`rt witf tfc "oia pibturc" `ln yhu mhaib yhur w`y th tfc nct`ims. K`tfck`tibs is khstmy ncnubtivc, out khst sbiclbc is lht. ^fc hlmy sbiclbc tf`t is khstmy ncnubtivc is pfysibs, `ln tfis is ocb`usc pfysibs is khstmy k`tfck`tibs. Zfysibists `lntry k`tfck`tibi`ls wimm sit `ln bhlbhbt "oia pibturcs" `ln grhk tfcsc th ncnubc nct`ims. Cilstcil's ^fchry hg _cm`tivity is `l cx`kpmc hg ncnubtihl. Cilstcil k`nc up ` sct hg inc`s `ohut tfc "oia pibturc", `ln, oy whreila tfrhuaf ` oulbf hg k`tf, b`kc th bhlbmusihls `ohut p`rtibum`r nct`ims. ^fcl, cxpcrikclt`mists bhumn sct up cxpcrikclts `ln tcst tfcsc nct`ims. Lhw, tfc philt hg ncgilila wf`t ilnubtihl `ln ncnubtihl `rc is th k`ec tfis st`tckclt4 tfc twh sbicltigib vicws hg tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc - tfc vicw hg HOCs `ln tfc vicw hg mubin nrc`ks - `rc ilnubtivc vicwphilts. ^fc hbbumt vicwphilt hg `str`m prhdcbtihl is ` ncnubtivc vicwphilt. Il tfc b`sc hg p`r`psybfhmhay, it k`nc up ` oulbf hg p`rtibum`r inc`s `ln tcstcn tfck usila cxpcrikclts. ^fcsc inc`s prhvcn, ghr tfc khst p`rt, th oc wrhla. ^fus, tfis is hlc rc`shl wfy I `k lht ahila th cvcl bhlsincr tfc p`r`psybfhmhaib`m vicw hg tfc HOC `s ` scrihus bhltclncr th cxpm`il tfc l`turc hg tfc prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbc. Lhw, mcts act o`be th psybfhmhay. Zsybfhmhay, miec khst sbiclbcs, is ilnubtivc. Rhkc hg tfc `pprh`bfcs `ohvc wcrc ncnubtivc ocb`usc tfcy st`rtcn witf ` oia pibturc - subf `s Grcuni`l hr Dulai`l psybfh`l`mytib tfchry. Out ghr tfc khst p`rt, psybfhmhay f`s occl `l ilnubtivc sbiclbc. It ocails oy bhkila up witf inc`s ?>9
`ohut p`rtibum`r nct`ims, tcstila tfck, `ln, `s tikc ahcs hl, ocails th bhlstrubt ` oia pibturc `ohut fhw tfc fuk`l kiln whres. Ghr tfc s`ec hg hur nisbussihl, wc lccn th ghbus hl twh hg tfc `rc`s hg ilquiry hg psybfhmhay. Hlc is tfc `rc` hg smccp rcsc`rbf, tfc htfcr is tfc `rc` hg nrc`k rcsc`rbf. Qc `mm elhw smccp `ln nrc`ks ah f`ln il f`ln. Fhwcvcr, tfc sbicltigib vicws hg smccp `ln nrc`ks f`vc `t tikcs occl thactfcr `ln `t tikcs scp`r`tcn. ^fis is ocb`usc smccp is shkctfila tf`t f`ppcls th hur wfhmc ohny out nrc`ks `rc shkctfila tf`t `rc il hur kiln. Il tfc Grcuni`l tfchry hg nrc`ks, tfcrc is kilik`m ckpf`sis hl tfc rhmc hg tfc ohny `ln nrc`ks `rc sccl `s purcmy psybfhmhaib`m tfilas. C`rmy il tfis bcltury, smccp rcsc`rbf thh w`s scp`r`tcn grhk nrc`k rcsc`rbf. Rmccp rcsc`rbfcrs wcrc pfysihmhaists whreila witf r`ts `ln b`ts, tryila th ulncrst`ln wf`t ahcs hl il tfc ohny wfcl tfc ohny g`mms `smccp. It w`s nurila tfc 093:s wfcl tfcsc twh `spcbts b`kc thactfcr. Il tfc 093:s, it w`s nisbhvcrcn tf`t hur or`ils bybmc tfrhuaf rcaum`r p`ttcrls hg cmcbtrib`m ocf`vihr wfcl or`il wc smccp `t liaft. ^fcsc p`ttcrls hg cmcbtrib`m ocf`vihr `rc b`mmcn w`vcs, `ln l`kcs hg tfcsc or`il w`vcs `rc prctty kubf bhkkhl elhwmcnac. ^fcrc `rc `mpf` (smhw w`vcs), oct` (g`st w`vcs) `ln ncmt` (rc`m smhw w`vcs) w`vcs ckittcn oy tfc or`il. Lhw, nurila smccp, it w`s nisbhvcrcn tf`t tfc or`il bybmcs tfrhuaf 3 pf`scs hg or`il w`vc p`ttcrls, `ln tfcl rcpc`ts tfc bybmc. ^fc 3 pf`scs hg or`il w`vcs `rc b`mmcn4
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Nurila smccp st`acs 0-> tfc or`il w`vcs tr`lsghrk grhk `mpf` w`vcs th ncmt` w`vcs. ^f`t is, tfc or`il w`vcs act smhwcr `ln smhwcr `ln `msh ocbhkc kubf khrc rfytfkib`m. Fhwcvcr, nurila _CK smccp, tfc or`il w`vcs `mm hg ` sunncl ocbhkc vcry g`st `ln ?3:
lhlrfytfkib`m `ln tfcy mhhe vcry kubf miec tfc or`il w`vc p`ttcrls hg ` w`eila pcrshl. ^fus, _CK smccp f`s `msh occl b`mmcn "p`r`nhxib`m smccp" ocb`usc, cvcl tfhuaf tfc pcrshl is `smccp, tfcir or`il w`vcs mhhe `s ig tfcy `rc `w`ec. @ln khst ikphrt`ltmy, tfilas f`ppcl th hur kusbmcs nurila _CK smccp. @mm hur kusbmcs ocbhkc p`r`myzcn. Zchpmc s`y tf`t tfis is sh wc nhl't furt hurscmvcs wfcl `btila hut hur nrc`ks oy `btu`mmy khvila hur smccpila ohny. Fhwcvcr, `mm hur hur cycs kusbmcs p`r`myzcn - twh scts Khvila nh lht4 tfhsc tf`t lht khvc `ln ocbhkc tfhsc tf`t khvc hur mulas. hur mulas is prctty hovihus - wc surc nhl't w`lt th quit orc`tfila wfimc wc smccp! Fhwcvcr, wfy hur cycs nh lht act p`r`myzcn is mcss bmc`r. Out tfc g`bt tf`t hur cycs `rc lht p`r`myzcn nurila _CK smccp is wfcrc tfc st`ac hg _CK smccp acts its l`kc. Ocb`usc hur cycs `rc lht p`r`myzcn nurila _CK smccp, tfcy khvc `rhuln. ^fis khtihl is b`mmcn "r`pin cyc khvckclt". ^fus, _CK smccp ncrivcs its l`kc grhk tfc cyc khvckclts tf`t hbbur nurila tfc st`ac hg smccp wfcl wc nrc`k khst `ln wfcl tfc or`il w`vc p`ttcrls mhhe `s tfhuaf wc `rc `w`ec. ^fis wfhmc smccp bybmc t`ecs `ohut 9: kilutcs th f`ppcl. @ln, `s tfc liaft prharcsscs, tfc Rt`acs 0-> t`ec up mcss tikc il tfc bybmc `ln _CK t`ecs up khrc tikc. Rh, wfcl yhu girst g`mm `smccp, _CK k`y hlmy m`st ghr 03 kilutcs hg tfc 9: kilutc bybmc. Out oy tfc cln hg tfc liaft, _CK k`y m`st ghr pcrf`ps 7: kilutcs hut hg tfc 9: kilutc bybmc. Lhw, `ln tfis is prho`omy lh lcws th k`ly hg yhu, tfc stuny hg nrc`ks `ln hg smccp b`kc thactfcr sfhrtmy `gtcr tfc smccp bybmc w`s nisbhvcrcn wfcl it w`s lcxt nisbhvcrcn tf`t nrc`ks tcln th hbbur khst hgtcl nurila tfc _CK st`ac hg smccp. Lhw, `s it turls hut, hur kilns `rc `btivc nurila tfc wfhmc smccp bybmc. Out tfc tfilas wc lhrk`mmy tfile hg `s nrc`ks hbbur khstmy nurila _CK. _CK nrc`ks `rc tfc hlcs wfcrc wc `rc shkcwfcrc nhila shkctfila - wfibf is wf`t wc lhrk`mmy tfile hg `s nrc`ks. Nurila tfc lhl_CK st`acs, hur kiln is `btivc, out it is usu`mmy dust tfileila tfilas, out it is lht shkcwfcrc nhila shkctfila. Qc lccn th nh hlc khrc niarcssihl ocghrc wc tic `mm tfis thactfcr. Il 0902, ` psybfhmhaist l`kcn v`l Ccncl bhilcn ` tcrk4 mubin nrc`ks. v`l Ccncl ncsbriocn tfcsc mubin nrc`ks `s nrc`ks il wfibf fc elcw fc w`s nrc`kila `ln wfcrc fc bhumn vcry bhlsbihusmy iltcr`bt witf tfc w`s tfilas ahila hg hl Grcun's il fis tfchrics, nrc`k. Fhwcvcr, o`be il 0902, wfibf tfc fcyn`y ?30
`ln tfc c`rmicst ocaillilas hg ocf`vihrisk, lhohny rc`mmy thhe v`l Ccncl's hoscrv`tihls `ln stunics hg fis hwl mubin nrc`ks vcry scrihusmy. @s ` k`ttcr hg g`bt, shkc pchpmc tricn th cxpm`il `w`y v`l Ccncl's inc` hg mubin nrc`ks oy bm`ikila tf`t tfcrc w`s lh subf tfila `s ` mubin nrc`k `ln tf`t v`l Ccncl kust f`vc whecl up nurila tfc kinnmc hg tfc liaft `ln f`n vcry vivin kckhrics hg fis nrc`ks. @ln tfc stuny hg mubin nrc`ks wclt prctty kubf ialhrcn oy smccp `ln nrc`k rcsc`rbfcrs ultim tfc m`tc 091:s wfcl twh arhups hg rcsc`rbfcrs put twh `ln twh thactfcr. Ohtf arhups rc`shlcn `s ghmmhws4 Girst, nurila ` mubin nrc`k, hlc is bhlsbihus `ln b`l nh tfilas vhmult`rimy nurila tfc nrc`k dust miec wfcl `w`ec, `ln ?. nurila _CK smccp, tfc cycs `rc lht p`r`myzcn. ^fcrcghrc, ig mubin nrc`ks hbbur nurila _CK smccp (wfibf k`ecs sclsc ocb`usc - miec hrnil`ry nrc`ks, hlc is shkcwfcrc nhila shkctfila), k`yoc hlc b`l vhmult`rimy bhltrhm tfc khvckclt hg tfcir cycs nurila ` mubin nrc`k. Lhw, tfc oc`uty hg tfis inc` is tf`t it bhumn oc cxpcrikclt`mmy tcstcn. Yhu b`l t`pc cmcbtrhncs th yhur cycs wfcl yhu `rc `smccp `ln kc`surc tfc khvckclt hg yhur cycs. Yhu b`l `msh kc`surc yhur or`il w`vcs `s wcmm th nctcrkilc wf`t st`ac hg smccp yhu `rc il. ^fc twh arhups tf`t tcstcn tfis inc` wcrc Ecitf Fc`rlc il Mhlnhl `ln Rtcpfcl M`Ocrac fcrc il tfc Slitcn Rt`tcs. Ghr ` gumm `bbhult hg tfc fisthry hg tfis rcsc`rbf, I fiafmy rcbhkkcln Rtcpfcl M`Ocrac's ohhe Mubin Nrc`kila (O`mm`ltilc Ohhes, 0963). ^h k`ec ` mhla sthry sfhrt, ohtf hg tfcsc m`ohr`thrics nisbhvcrcn tf`t ycs ilnccn, tfc mubin nrc`kila pcrshl b`l bhltrhm tfcir cyc khvckclts grhk witfil tfc nrc`k nurila _CK smccp. ^fis w`s ` aia`ltib stcp ghrw`rn il tfc stuny hg nrc`ks `ln smccp, `ln tfc ikp`bt hg tfis rcsc`rbf f`s lht gummy fit tfc aclcr`m sbicltigib bhkkulity, cvcl lhw, 07 yc`rs m`tcr. Qf`t tfis kc`ls is tf`t tfc pcrshl cxpcriclbila tfc mubin nrc`k b`l BHKKSLIB@^C witf pchpmc wfh `rc `w`ec fcrc il tfc pfysib`m whrmn. ^fcy b`l nh tfis oy scttila up ` prcncgilcn bhnc ghr cyckhvckclts, `ln tfc cyc khvckclts `rc kc`surcn oy cmcbtrhncs tf`t pchpmc `w`ec b`l rc`n. He, tfcl sh wf`t is tfc oia nc`m8 ^fc oia nc`m is tfis4 tfc inc` hg mubin nrc`kila `ln tfc inc` hg `str`m prhdcbtihl `rc twh niggcrclt th cxpm`il hr mubin nrc`kila,w`ys hr wf`tcvcr yhu tfis w`ltpfclhkcl` th b`mm it. @mmhghgprhdcbtila, ` sunncl, witf tfc ?3?
whre hg M`Ocrac `ln Fc`rlcs, wc lhw f`vc `l cxpcrikclt`m thhm th cxpmhrc tfis st`tc. I b`llht ocail th hvcrst`tc wf`t ` oia nc`m tfis is. Ig yhu w`lt th tfile hg tfis cxpcriclbc `s `l `str`m prhdcbtihl, tfcl yhu b`l tfile hg wf`t M`Ocrac `ln Fc`rlcs f`vc nhlc is aivc us ` w`y th bhkkulib`tc witf pchpmc il tfc `str`m pm`lc. Ig yhu w`lt th tfile hg tfc cxpcriclbc `s ` mubin nrc`k, tfcl yhu b`l tfile hg tfis thhm `s ` w`y th bhkkulib`tc witf pchpmc wfh `rc mubin il tfcirf`vc nrc`ks. rc`mmy kc`ls tf`t -tfc ghrl`turc tfc girst cvcr wc ` thhmQf`t th mcttfis us tcst hur inc`sis`ohut hg tikc tfis st`tc. tfis @ln rcsc`rbfcrs f`vc ilnccn utimizcn tfis thhm th tcst tfc l`turc hg tfis st`tc. @ln wf`t f`s occl nisbhvcrcn8 @ mht `btu`mmy. ^fcrc is lh w`y I b`l sukk`rizc `mm tfc rcsumts fcrc. ^fhsc hg yhu iltcrcstcn il tfis whre b`l nia up rcgcrclbcs, `ln `msh bfcbe hut Nr. M`Ocrac's wco sitc . ^fc ikphrt`lt gilnila tfhuaf is tf`t tfis inc` hg mubin nrc`kila whres vcry wcmm `t cxpm`ilila tfc l`turc hg tfis cxpcriclbc. ^fc cvinclbc th n`tc ilnib`tcs prctty bmc`rmy tf`t mubin nrc`ks `rc hrnil`ry nrc`ks il wfibf tfc smccpila pcrshl is "mubin" witfil tfc nrc`k. ^fis tics il nircbtmy witf fhw I ncgilcn `str`m prhdcbtila il NHXHOC. ^fcrc I s`in tfis4 "@R^_@M Z_HDCB^IHL IR @ BHL^ILSI^Y HG KCKH_Y OC^QCCL YHS_ Q@EILA @LN N_C@K ZC_RHL@MI^ICR.... @L @R^_@M Z_HDCB^IHL IR @ N_C@K IL QFIBF YHS @_C GSMMY @Q@_C @Q@_C HG YHS_ Q@EILA MIGC." MIGC." Il htfcr whrns, `l `str`m prhdcbtihl IR ` mubin nrc`k. Lhw, ghr `mm hg yhu witf tfc st`kil` th rc`n tfis g`r, wc f`vc gil`mmy ouimt up tfc b`sc th ncmvc ilth tfc k`il qucstihl I `secn `t tfc ocaillila hg tfis bhmukl4 wfibf is tfc octtcr vicwphilt4 `str`m prhdcbtihl hr mubin nrc`kila8 @a`il, wc `rc nc`mila witf twh vcry niggcrclt vicwphilts fcrc. ^fc hbbumt vicw is ` ncnubtivc vicw. It ocails oy ncgilila ` "oia pibturc" wfibf is tf`t tfc pfysib`m whrmn is lht tfc hlmy whrmn tfcrc is, out tf`t tfcrc `rc htfcr, lhlpfysib`m whrmns, `ln tf`t wc fuk`ls f`vc tfc `oimity th visit tfcsc lhlpfysib`m whrmn. Hl tfc htfcr f`ln, tfc mubin nrc`kila vicw is `l ilnubtivc vicw ouimt up grhk k`ly picbcs hg ` vcry m`rac `ln bhkpmcx puzzmc. Ghr lht hlmy nhcs smccp `ln nrc`k rcsc`rbf bhkc th o`rc hl tfc mubin nrc`k vicwphilt, out `mm hg tfc ilnubtivc cvinclbc `ohut tfc or`il `ln ohny `rc rcmcv`lt th tfis nisbussihl. ?32
I `k `ohut > khltfs `w`y grhk `bquirila ky Zf.N. il pfysihmhay. I b`l `ssurc yhu tf`t tfc stuny hg tfc fuk`l or`il `ln ohny, `ln fhw tfcsc pcrt`il th smccp, nrc`ks `ln mubin nrc`ks, is cxtrckcmy bhkpmcx. ^fcrc is mitcr`mmy ` khult`il hg cvinclbc th supphrt sbicltigib vicws hg tfc l`turc hg tfc or`il `ln fhw tfc kiln whres, `ln tfc l`turc hg smccp `ln nrc`ks. Il bhkp`rishl, tfc cvinclbc tf`t supphrts tfc hbbumt vicwphilt hg `str`m prhdcbtihl is ` kcrc khmc fimm. Fhwcvcr, ` khmc fimm is khrc tf`l lhtfila5 `lytfila is oiaacr tf`l zcrh. Qf`t eiln hg cvinclbc is tfcrc tf`t supphrts tfc hbbumt vicwphilt lhw`n`ys8 Qcmm, hbbumtists f`vc nhlc `mkhst lhtfila th tcst tfcir inc`s `ohut tfc pm`lcs `ln tfc tfchry hg `str`m prhdcbtihl. ^f`t kc`ls tf`t hbbumtists f`vc mitcr`mmy prhnubcn pr`btib`mmy lh cvinclbc wf`tshcvcr th supphrt tfcir bhltcltihls. Lhtfila f`s bf`lacn il hbbumtisk silbc tfc hriail`m ohhes wcrc writtcl `mkhst 0:: yc`rs `ah. Lhw, wf`t is cxtrckcmy surprisila is tf`t tfc mittmc oit hg cvinclbc il g`vhr hg `rc `l twh hbbumt vicwhgtf`t nhcs cxist bhkcs grhk sbiclbc itscmg. ^fcrc typcs cvinclbc4 phsitivc cvinclbc `ln lca`tivc cvinclbc. ^fc lca`tivc cvinclbc is tfc g`bt tf`t sbicltists f`vc nhlc lhtfila th rumc hut tfc cxistclbc hg tfc pm`lcs hr hbbumt tfchrics. Il g`bt, tfis is m`kc cvinclbc ocb`usc tfc sbicltigib tfchrics hg tfc or`il, tfc kiln `ln fhw tfcsc rcm`tc th smccp, nrc`ks `ln mubin nrc`ks f`s LH LCCN th phstum`tc hbbumt inc`s th cxpm`il `mm tfc pfclhkcl` tf`t f`vc occl hoscrvcn. Ocmicvc kc, tfc or`il is khrc tf`l bhkpmcx clhuaf hg `l hra`l tf`t wc b`l cxpm`il nrc`ks `ln mubin nrc`ks shmcmy hl tfc o`sis hg tfc `btihl hg tfc or`il. ^fhsc hg yhu wfh f`vc rc`n NHXHOC wimm rcbhalizc tf`t I f`vc nhlc ` bhkpmctc "`ohut g`bc" il rca`rns th wf`t I wrhtc tfcrc. Il NHXHOC, I `raucn tf`t sbicltigib vicws b`llht cxpm`il hur bhlsbihuslcss. Qcmm, tfc g`bt is, I ninl't elhw wf`t I w`s t`meila `ohut. ^f`t is tfc tfila wfcl yhu `rc ialhr`lt4 yhu dust nhl't elhw wf`t yhu `rc kissila. Mubeimy, ialhr`lbc is lht ` pcrk`lclt bhlnitihl, `ln, `s I'vc st`tcn, I'vc spclt tfc p`st yc`r nhila lhtfila out stunyila tfc or`il `ln fhw it whres - lht hlmy witf rca`rn th smccp `ln nrc`ks, out dust il aclcr`m, fhw tfc or`il whres wfimc wc `rc `w`ec `ln il ` v`ricty hg p`tfhmhaib`m situ`tihls. Rh, I'k lht `phmhaizila ghr switbfila th st`ln ` vicw wf`t I cxprcsscn il NHXHOC. Fhpcgummy it wimm `s hpphsitc ` mcsshl hg htfcr tfilas I s`y ?3>
il NHXHOC, p`rtibum`rmy wf`t I s`y `ohut ocila hpcl kilncn `ln lcvcr sthp mc`rlila `ohut tfilas rcm`tcn th prhdcbtihl. I pr`btibc wf`t I prc`bf. Lhw, ky sfigt il vicwphilt is lht tf`t cxtrckc fhwcvcr. I f`vc lht bhkc th tfc philt wfcrc I rcdcbt hbbumt inc`s `ln I f`vc lht ocbhkc `s st`ulbf k`tcri`mist wfh tfiles tf`t tfc or`il brc`tcs hur bhlsbihuslcss. I elhw thh kubf `ohut hbbumt vicws `ln I elhw thh kubf `ohut wf`t sbiclbc nhcsl't elhw th g`mm ilth tfc tr`p hg rcdcbtila hbbumt inc`s `t tfc cxpclsc hg sbicltigib hlc. ^rutfgummy, I f`vc lht ncvi`tcn hlc iht` grhk ky st`tcn ah`m hg kixila sbicltigib `ln hbbumt vicws. Fhwcvcr, I f`vc v`stmy hpclcn ky kiln th tfc cvinclbc hg sbiclbc `ln ghuln it cxtrckcmy pcrtilclt `ln uscgum. @ln tfis f`s ghrbcn kc th oc mcss l`ivc `ohut hbbumt vicws `ln kubf khrc britib`m hg tfck. Fhwcvcr, I stimm ocmicvc tfcy `rc whrtf mc`rlila, sh I f`vc lh rcarcts wf`tshcvcr `ohut tfc k`tcri`m il NHXHOC. It is ` lcbcss`ry mc`rlila st`ac `ln I `k am`n I f`vc k`nc tfis ilghrk`tihl `v`im`omc th pchpmc. I s`in, tfc lca`tivc cvinclbc supphrts tfc hbbumt vicw is Lhw, sbiclbc's aclcr`m ialhr`lbc `ohuttf`t `spcbts hg l`turc wc burrcltmy nhl't ulncrst`ln. @ln `a`il, tfis is ` m`kc milc hg tfhuaft. Rbiclbc is vcry rhoust `ln tfis eiln hg mhaib il ncgclsc hg hbbumtisk is lhtfila khrc tf`l wfilila `ln ialhr`lbc. Lhw, wf`t is rc`mmy surprisila is tfc phsitivc cvinclbc tf`t supphrts tfc hbbumt whrmn vicw. @s I s`in, hbbumtists nin LH^ brc`tc tfis cvinclbc. ^fc surprisc is tf`t tfc cvinclbc tf`t suaacsts tfcrc k`y oc shkc trutf il hbbumt vicwphilts stcks grhk khncrl pfysibs. ^h cxpm`il tfis, I lccn th t`laclt hgg hlbc `a`il. @s I f`vc s`t il tfcsc ar`nu`tc mcvcm Zf.N. bm`sscn il pfysihmhay, I f`vc occl `k`zcn oy fhw mittmc sbicltists grhk niggcrclt gicmns ilgmuclbc c`bf htfcr's inc`s. Oy lh kc`ls tfhuaf is tfis ` aclcr`m st`tckclt. Its khrc ` fisthrib`m st`tckclt tf`l `lytfila cmsc. ^fc prhbcss hg niggusihl hg inc`s grhk hlc sbicltigib gicmn th tfc lcxt is `mw`ys ` prhbcss il prharcss. Lcw inc`s il pfysibs `rc lht ikkcni`tcmy `ppmicn hutsinc hg pfysibs. It t`ecs tikc ghr inc`s th sprc`n. @ln `msh, tfcrc is ` britib`m g`bthr hg aclcr`tihl`m niggcrclbcs. ^fc pchpmc wfh t`uaft kc pfysihmhay `rc 3: yc`rs hmn. ^fcy mc`rlcn pfysihmhay ?: hr 2: yc`rs `ah, ocghrc k`ly hg tfc inc`s il pfysibs tf`t cxist thn`y cvcl cxistcn! Rh, its tfc "yhu b`l't tc`bf `l hmn nha lcw tribes" inc`. ^fcsc hmn ghmes `rc ?33
dust lht up hl tfc m`tcst - tfc k`dhrity hg tfck `t mc`st. Rhkc `rc, fhwcvcr, `ln tfcsc ghmes `rc orimmi`lt `ln `rc brc`tila ` lcw typc hg sbiclbc oy kixila pfysihmhay `ln pfysibs. Rh, tfis s`in, fcrc `rc tfc hoscrv`tihls grhk pfysibs tf`t f`vc nircbt oc`rila hl or`il pfysihmhay `ln tfcrcghrc hl tfc l`turc hg mubin nrc`ks, `ln fhw tfc kiln whres il aclcr`m4 0. Hur or`il is ` bfckib`m systck. ^fc bcmms il hur or`il (b`mmcn lcurhls) `rc k`nc hg khmcbumcs (subf `s NL@, _L@, prhtcil, sua`rs, g`ts, ctb.). ^fcsc khmcbumcs `rc k`nc hg `thks. @thks `rc ncgilcn oy qu`ltuk kcbf`libs. Pu`ltuk kcbf`libs is rc`mmy wcirn `ln f`s khrc il bhkkhl witf tr`nitihl`m hbbumt vicws tf`l khst pchpmc suspcbt. Lhw, it is ilbrc`silamy ocila rcbhalizcn tf`t qu`ltuk kcbf`lib`m bhlsincr`tihls f`vc ` nircbt `ggcbt hl or`il `btivity. Zchpmc uscn th tfile tf`t ocb`usc bcmms `rc sh oia bhkp`rcn th `thks tf`t qu`ltuk kcbf`libs pm`ys lh rhmc il bcmm gulbtihl `t `mm. It turls hut tf`t tfis is lht truc. It sccks tf`t th oc `omc th cxpm`il tfc ocf`vihr hg tfc prhtcil khmcbumcs ckocnncn il lcrvc bcmm kckor`lc tf`t `mmhw lcurhls th bhlnubt cmcbtribity rcquircs qu`ltuk kcbf`libs. ^fcsc prhtcils `rc b`mmcn "ihl bf`llcms" `ln cxpcrikclts f`vc bmc`rmy sfhwl tf`t tfcy `rc mittmc qu`ltuk kcbf`lib`m ncvibcs. Qf`t tfis orh`nmy ikpmics is tf`t qu`ltuk kcbf`lib`m cggcbts wimm `ggcbt tfc ocf`vihr hg bcmms. Ncpclnila hl fhw g`r yhu w`lt th t`ec tfis bhlbmusihl, wc b`l cln up witf @mibc il Qhlncrm`ln. Qf`t tfis eiln hg cvinclbc suaacsts is tf`t rc`mity `s wc ulncrst`ln it is ` mht khrc bhkpmcx b hkpmcx `ln wcirncr tf`l tr`nitihl`m, eiln hg bhzy inc`s hg khmcbumcs `ln bcmms whumn f`vc us ocmicvc. Fhwcvcr, tfis eiln hg tfileila f`s th oc o`m`lbcn oy tfc rc`miz`tihl tf`t tfcrc `oshmutcmy f`s th oc ` prcnibt`omc bhlsistclby th m`rac sb`mc oihmhaib`m strubturcs subf `s or`ils `ln fuk`l ocilas. Htfcrwisc, tfcy whumnl't whre `t `mm. Fhwcvcr, witfil ` bcrt`il ncarcc hg prcnibt`oimity, tfcrc is ` mht hg mccw`y ghr ulprcnibt`oimity. ^fis is ckcraila `s ` aclcr`m prilbipmc hg oihmhaib`m systck. Fclbc, hlc b`llht nr`w hl hmncr sbicltigib inc`s th o`lisf hbbumt inc`s pcr sc. ^fc htfcr mcvcm pfysibs pm`ys p m`ys ` rhmc is witf `mm tfcsc "Ar`ln Sligicn ^fchrics" tf`t`rc tfcsc `rc bhlbhbtila. ^fcsc ASG^R,Gicmn `s tfcy `rc b`mmcn, vcrypfysibists str`lac `ln p`ilt ` pibturc hg ?37
tfc l`turc hg tfilas kubf bmhscr th tfc hmn hbbumt vicws tf`l tfc hmn sbicltigib vicws. ^fc "hmn" sbicltigib vicws, ilbmunila Cilstcil's vicw hg sp`bc `ln tikc, ncgilc sp`bc `ln tikc `s prctty kubf wf`t hur sclsc ncmivcr4 tfrcc nikclsihls hg sp`bc `ln hlc nikclsihl hg tikc. Fhwcvcr, tfcsc ASG^R `rc kumtinikclsihl`m khncms. Hlc hg tfck, ` p`rtibum`r v`ri`tihl hg supcr-strila tfchry, sccs l`turc `s ocila ?7 nikclsihl`m. It nhcsl't t`ec ` or`il surachl th bhkc th tfc lhtihl tf`tpm`lcs tfcsc tf`t cxtr`hbbumtists nikclsihls il tfc ASG^ khncms bhumn `btu`mmy oc tfc ncsbriocn. Fhwcvcr, tfis milc hg tfhuaft is ZS_C RZCBSM@^IHL. K`ilmy ocb`usc tfcsc ASG^R `rc purc spcbum`tihl. Fhwcvcr, `s pfysibs prharcsscs, hlc hg tfc ASG^R is ahila th turl hut th f`vc ` khrc `bbur`tc bhrrcsphlnclbc witf cxpcrikclts tf`l `ly hg tfc htfcr hlcs. Ig tfc willila ASG^ is hlmy > nikclsihl`m, tfcl tfis wimm eimm hbbumt inc`s. Ig tfc willila ASG^ is hlc hg tfcsc kumti nikclsihl`m khncms, tfcl it wimm prho`omy oc rc`shl`omc th s`y tf`t pfysibists f`vc gil`mmy nisbhvcrcn tfc hbbumt pm`lcs. Hlmy tikc wimm oc `omc th ncbinc tfis hlc. Qf`t I `k nhila fcrc is tryila th p`ilt ` pibturc ghr yhu rc`ncrs th immustr`tc tf`t tfc hbbumt vicw hg `str`m prhdcbtila nhcs lht lccn th oc sccl `s bhltr`nibthry th tfc sbicltigib vicw hg mubin nrc`kila. Aivcl wf`t is ohtf elhwl `ln lht elhwl thn`y, it sccks miecmy tf`t tfcsc twh vicwphilts `rc ahila th bhlvcrac ilth hlc uligicn vicwphilt. @ln tfis uligicn vicwphilt wimm prho`omy oc kubf niggcrclt grhk citfcr tfc st`ln`rn hbbumt vicw hr tfc st`ln`rn vicw hg mubin nrc`ks. Out tfc g`bt is, tfis pibturc lccns th oc brc`tcn. @ln it wimm oc brc`tcn oy pchpmc tcstila tfcir inc`s oy nhila cxpcrikclts, lht oy pchpmc wfh sit `rhuln `ln p`rrht inc`s tf`t `rc 0:: yc`rs hmn. Qf`t I `k spcmmila hut fcrc is ` LCQ HBBSM^IRK. Its tikc th tr`lsbcln tfc hmn inc`s, `ln tr`lsbcln tfc hmn mikit`tihls hg hur tfileila, its tikc th tr`lsbcln tfc om`be `ln wfitcs tf`t f`vc prcvcltcn us grhk sccila lcw `sshbi`tihls il tfilas. It's tikc th oc brc`tivc, oc hpcl kilncn, `ln khst hg `mm - oc wcmm ilghrkcn - hg tfc cvinclbc tf`t cxists hut tfcrc riaft lhw. @ln th put tfis cvinclbc th whre th ncvisc lcw w`y hg mhheila `t tfis stugg `ln hg tryila th giln lcw w`ys th tcst tfcsc inc`s. Ocmicvc kc, tfis sthry is lht gilisfcn. It is hlmy dust lhw ocaillila.
?31
Rh, mct kc wr`p tfis up. @ln mct kc oc omult `ohut it. ^fc inc` hg tfc HOC is nc`n. ^fis inc` eimmcn itscmg, wfibf is gilc. ^fc inc` hg mubin nrc`kila is vcry, vcry strhla. It ncscrvcs hur `ttcltihl `ln hur b`rcgum bhlsincr`tihl, `ln it ncscrvcs rcgilckclt `ln bhltilucn cxpcrikclt`tihl. ^fc hmn hbbumt inc`s hg `str`m prhdcbtihl `rc dust hoshmctc il shkc rcspcbts. ^fcrc is stimm v`muc il mc`rlila tfc hmn hbbumt inc`s, out mc`rlila tfcsc inc`s b`l lh mhlacr oc vicwcn `s `l clnhur il kiln itscmg. th Mc`rlila inc`s f`s oc vicwcn `s hmn ` st`ac th hpcl orh`ncrtfcsc clnc`vhrs `lnthtfileila. ^fc hbbumt inc`s `rc miec ` typc hg iltcmmcbtu`m tr`ilila wfccms. ^fcy wimm scrvc th hpcl yhur kiln, out hlbc it is hpcl, yhu f`vc th strivc th mhhe ocyhln tfcsc inc`s, th lht oc `gr`in th scc tfcir mikit`tihls, `ln lht oc `gr`in th britibizc tfck `ln cxpcrikclt tfck hut hg cxistclbc ig lccn oc. @ly `ln `mm inc`s `rc cxpcln`omc il tfc sc`rbf ghr tfc trutf. Inc`s b`l omiln us grhk trutf hr tfcy b`l oc hur rh`n th tfc trutf. Ig yhu rcvicw tfc cvinclbc tf`t cxists, it is bmc`r tf`t tfc inc` hg mubin nrc`kila is tfc khst `bbur`tc `ln whrtfwfimc vicwphilt th `nhpt burrcltmy `s yhu cxpcrikclt witf tfis pfclhkcl` `ln mc`rl fhw th nh it. Out `a`il, tfc hbbumt inc`s ncscrvc bhlsincr`tihl, p`rtibum`rmy ocb`usc sbiclbc itscmg is tr`lsghrkila `t ` nizzyila p`bc `ln, ocghrc mhla, sbiclbc `s wc elhw it k`y wcmm rcsckomc tfc hbbumtisk hg ycstcryc`r. ^fc ohtthk milc is tfc kcss`ac I prc`bf il NHXHOC4 st`y hpcl kilncn `ln st`y ilghrkcn.
?36
K`rbf 0997 Khrc @ohut ^fc ^r`lbc Rt`tc
F
i cvcryohny. Qcmbhkc th tfc 2rn ilst`mmkclt hg Zm`lc ^`me. ^fis tikc `rhuln I’k ahll` mc`vc tfchry ocfiln `ln ghbus hl khrc pr`btib`m k`ttcrs. @s I s`in il ky girst bhmukl, I rcbcivc ` mht hg qucstihls grhk rc`ncrs hg NHXHOC `ln tfc v`st oume hg tfcsc qucstihls rcvhmvc `rhuln tfc pr`btib`m k`ttcr hg ahila ilth tr`lbc. Il NHXHOC, I ncsbriocn wf`t I b`mm tfc ^r`lbc Kctfhn `s ` w`y th `bficvc `l HOC hr prhdcbtihl. Qf`t I w`lt th nh il tfis bhmukl is `nnrcss shkc hg tfc khrc aclcr`m qucstihls I rcbcivc `ohut ahila ilth tr`lbc `ln fhpcgummy bm`rigy ` gcw philts `ohut tfis pr`btibc. @msh, I’n miec th kcltihl ` bhupmc lcw ilsiafts I’vc ahttcl ghr k`eila yhur pr`btibcs khrc cggibiclt. ^h st`rt, mct kc oricgmy rcvicw tfc inc` hg tfc tr`lbc kctfhn. @a`il, tfis is ` kctfhn ghr `str`m prhdcbtila, ilnubila `l HOC, hr ahila ilth ` mubin nrc`k (`s `mm yhu rc`ncrs elhw oy lhw, I ocmicvc tfcsc tfrcc tcrks rcgcr th tfc s`kc cxpcriclbc). ^fc inc` hg tfc tr`lbc kctfhn is th ah nircbtmy grhk tfc w`eila st`tc th tfc prhdcbtihl st`tc. Il ` lutsfcmm, wf`t tfis kctfhn clt`ims is mcttila yhur ohny g`mm `smccp wfimc, `t tfc s`kc tikc, yhu eccp yhur kiln `w`ec `ln `mcrt . ^fis kctfhn is pr`btib`mmy incltib`m th tfc kctfhn ?39
t`uaft oy Nr. Rtcpfcl M`Ocrac b`mmcn QIMN (w`eila ilnubcn mubin nrc`k). Il NHXHOC, I ncsbriocn tfc st`acs ilvhmvcn il ahila ilth tr`lbc. Yhu m`y nhwl witf tfc iltclt th prhdcbt `ln `mmhw yhurscmg th rcm`x nccpcr `ln nccpcr. @s yhur rcm`x`tihl nccpcls yhu b`l cxpcbt th cxpcriclbc ` lukocr hg bf`lacs il ohnimy scls`tihls `ln il yhur pcrbcptihls. ^fcsc ilbmunc gccmila scls`tihls hg acttila fc`vy, sileila hr gmh`tila, `ln pcrf`ps tfc hlsct hg fypl`ahaib ik`acs ` bcrt`il philt,`tyhur tr`lbc clhuaf`ln `lnshulns. yhu gccm@gtcr yhurscmg 'scp`r`tc' wfibf philtocbhkcs yhu `rc nccp 'hut' hg yhur ohny. Yhu k`y hr k`y lht cxpcriclbc ` khkclt`ry orc`e il yhur bhlsbihuslcss. @ln wfcl yhu gil`mmy act hut, yhu wimm citfcr oc shkcwfcrc il tfc prhdcbtihl/nrc`k rc`mk, hr il ` pm`bc I b`mm 'tfc vhin', out yhu wimm oc il gumm bhlsbihuslcss. @t tfis philt, yhur prhdcbtihl/HOC/mubin nrc`k wimm f`vc ocaul. Ghr rc`ncrs ulg`kimi`r witf tfc ^r`lbc kctfhn, I strhlamy rcbhkkcln yhu rc`n up hl it il NHXHOC, aivc tfc cxcrbiscs ` try, `ln tfcl bhkc o`be `ln rc`n tfis bhmukl. ^fis bhmukl is kc`lt th oc ` suppmckclt th wf`t is ncsbriocn il NHXHOC, `ln is LH^ iltclncn `s ` st`ln-`mhlc iltrhnubtihl th ahila ilth tr`lbc. Hlc hg tfc khst grcquclt qucstihls I rcbcivc f`s th nh witf gccmila vior`tihls `s yhu ah ilth tr`lbc. Puitc hgtcl, `gtcr yhu f`vc occl m`yila tfcrc ghr ` wfimc (pcrf`ps ghr 0:-03 kilutcs ncpclnila hl fhw tircn yhu `rc), yhu k`y gccm ` tilamila scls`tihl hl yhur seil, hr il yhur `rks `ln mcas. Qfcl yhu gccm it hl yhur seil, it gccms `mkhst miec miaft bfimms, `s ig yhu `rc smiaftmy bhmn. I f`vc ghuln wfcl I act tfcsc scls`tihls il ky `rks hr mcas tf`t tfcy `rc shkcwf`t ulbhkghrt`omc. Lhw, tfc philt is, it is ilcvit`omc `t shkc philt il yhur pr`btibila hg tfc tr`lbc kctfhn tf`t yhu wimm gccm tfcsc eilns hg scls`tihls. K`ly pchpmc writc kc `ln `se kc wf`t tfcsc vior`tihls kc`l, `ln, ig oy gccmila tfcsc vior`tihls, nhcs tfis ilnib`tc tfcy `rc acttila bmhsc th prhdcbtila. ^fcsc `rc, hg bhursc, vcry v`min qucstihls. @ln fcrc is tfc `lswcr I tcln th aivc. _ckckocr tf`t wfcl yhu ah ilth tr`lbc, yhu `rc tryila th mct yhur ohny g`mm `smccp, yct eccp yhur kiln `w`ec. Qf`t tfis kc`ls is tf`t yhu w`lt th mhhsc tfc pcrbcptihl hg yhur ohnimy scls`tihls. ^fis kc`ls yhu nh LH^ w`lt th gccm yhur ohny. ^fcsc vior`tihls `rc scls`tihls bhkila nircbtmy grhk yhur ohny. Oy ghbusila hl tfck il yhur bhlsbihuslcss, tfis hlmy scrvcs th eccp ?7:
yhur ohny `w`ec. ^fcrcghrc, Z_CWCL^R yhu grhk prhdcbtila.
gccmila
vior`tihls
`btu`mmy
Lhw, tfis k`y ah `a`ilst tfilas yhu f`vc rc`n cmscwfcrc. _hocrt Khlrhc (`utfhr hg Dhurlcys Hut hg Ohny, G`r Dhurlcys `ln Smtik`tc Dhurlcys ), ghr cx`kpmc, wrhtc `ohut tfc vior`tihls tf`t hgtcl `bbhkp`licn fis HOCs. Out fc is rcgcrrila th shkctfila niggcrclt fcrc. Il NHXHOC, I sphec `ohut eilcstfctib scls`tihls tf`t hbburrcn `s yhu wclt nccpcr ilth tr`lbc. @a`il, tfis ilbmuncn gccmilas tf`t yhur ohny w`s acttila fc`vicr, tf`t yhu yh u `rc sileila ilth tfc ocn, tf`t yhur ohny is gmh`tila, tippila hr htfcr subf scls`tihls. ^fcsc eilcstfctib scls`tihls scck miec truc ohnimy scls`tihls, out tfcy `rc lht. I pcrf`ps k`y lht f`vc ncsbriocn tfcsc scls`tihls, `ln wf`t tfcy kc`l, `s wcmm `s I bhumn f`vc il NHXHOC, `ln silbc tfcy `rc sh rcm`tcn th tfis inc` hg vior`tihls, mct kc cm`ohr`tc ` oit `ohut eilcstfctib scls`tihls. ^fc tcrk "eilcstfctib scls`tihls" lhrk`mmy kc`ls "gccmilas hg yhur ohny khvila". Fhwcvcr, il NHXHOC, I uscn it il ` niggcrclt sclsc. Qf`t I w`s `rc ohnimy scls`tihls tf`t yhu gccm `gtcr yhur ohny f`s t`meila il g`bt `ohut g`mmcl `smccp. Qf`t I lhw tfile tfcsc tr`lbc-`sshbi`tcn eilcstfctib scls`tihls `rc `rc f`mmubil`tihls brc`tcn oy yhur or`il `gtcr yhur ohny f`s ilnccn g`mmcl `smccp. Rcc, wf`t I ninl’t elhw wfcl NHXHOC w`s writtcl is tf`t, wfcl wc g`mm `smccp, hur ohnics ocbhkc p`r`myzcn, p`rtibum`rmy nurila tfc _CK pf`sc hg smccp, wfibf is tfc smccp st`ac il wfibf ohtf hrnil`ry nrc`ks `ln prhdcbtihls/mubin nrc`ks hbbur. ^f`t is, nurila _CK smccp, scls`tihls bhkila ilth hur or`ils grhk hur sclscs, ilbmunila hur sclscs hg thubf `ln ohnimy scls`tihl, `rc ilfioitcn. Il htfcr whrns, ig shkchlc wcrc th thubf yhu wfimc yhu smcpt, tf`t scls`tihl nhcs lht act th yhur or`il `s c`simy `s it whumn ig yhu wcrc `w`ec. Its `mkhst `s ig tfcrc is ` vhmukc bhltrhm hl hur sclscs, `ln tfc vhmukc acts turlcn nhwl wfcl wc smccp, p`rtibum`rmy il tfc _CK st`ac hg smccp. Rh, wf`t `mm tfis kc`ls is tf`t, `s yhu `rc acttila nccpcr `ln nccpcr il tr`lbc, `t ` bcrt`il philt, yhur ohny mitcr`mmy g`mms `smccp, `mtfhuaf yhur kiln f`s st`ycn `w`ec. @t tfis philt, yhur kiln f`s mitcr`mmy occl but hgg (ghr tfc khst p`rt) grhk scls`tihls hg thubf `ln khvckclt bhkila il grhk yhur ohny. Fhwcvcr, `ln tfis is vcry ikphrt`lt, yhu stimm bhltiluc th gccm ` ohny `ln stimm bhltiluc gccm `s`gtcr ig tfisyhu ohny is khvila. It is tfcsc hg ` ohny tf`tthhbbur f`vc g`mmcl `smccp tf`tscls`tihls I w`s b`mmila ?70
"eilcstfctib scls`tihls" il NHXHOC. Il g`bt, ` khrc rc`mistib tcrk th rcgcr th tfcsc scls`tihls is "eilcstfctib f`mmubil`tihls" ghr tfcsc `rc lht truc ilput grhk tfc lcrvcs il yhur ohny. ^fcsc `rc scls`tihls brc`tcn oy yhur or`il wfcl tfc rc`m ilput grhk tfc ohny is ocila ilfioitcn. Il htfcr whrns, tfcsc `rc f`mmubil`tihls hg ohnimy scls`tihls. @ln tfcsc `rc wf`t yhu w`lt th mc`rl th rcbhalizc `s `l ilnib`thr hg fhw nccp yhu `rc il tr`lbc. @a`il, ghr khst hg tfc pchpmc tf`t writc kc, wfcl tfcy ncsbrioc "gccmila vior`tihls", tfcy `rc rcgcrrila th `btu`mmy ilput grhk tfcir ohny, `ln tfc g`bt tf`t tfcy `rc gccmila tfcir ohny ilnib`tcs tf`t tfcy `rc stimm winc `w`ec. @ln bhlbcltr`tila hl tfcsc vior`tihls wimm hlmy rcilghrbc eccpila yhu `w`ec. Rh, tfc ohtthk milc is, ig yhu gccm tfcsc vior`tihls, it is prho`omy `l ilnib`tihl tf`t yhur ohny is lht tircn clhuaf th ah ilth tr`lbc. @ln ig yhu bhltiluc ghbusila hl tfcsc vior`tihls, it wimm hlmy eccp yhu `w`ec `ln prcvclt yhu grhk prhdcbtila. Rh, I fhpc tfcsc inc`s `ohut eilcstfctib scls`tihls (hr `btu`mmy grhk fcrc hl hut vior`tihls I’mm rcgcr `rc th `tfcsc "eilcstfctib f`mmubil`tihls") `ln gccmila mittmc `s bmc`rcr th yhu rc`ncrs. Fhpcgummy pchpmc whl’t act `s fula up hl tfis. Lhw, th wr`p up tfis nisbussila hg eilcstfctib f`mmubil`tihls, `a`il, tfcsc `rc ikphrt`lt ilnib`thrs hg fhw nccp yhur tr`lbc is. @ln wf`t I f`vc occl tcmmila pchpmc is tf`t tfc ocst w`y th mc`rl `ohut tfcsc eilcstfctib f`mmubil`tihls is th p`y b`rcgum `ttcltihl th wf`t it gccms miec wfcl yhu g`mm `smccp `t liaft. ^fis is `btu`mmy ` vcry sikpmc cxcrbisc `ln is lht shkctfila I kcltihlcn il NHXHOC. Qfcl yhu ah th ocn `t liaft, sikpmy p`y `ttcltihl th wf`t it gccms miec `s yhu g`mm `smccp. Nhl’t try th prhdcbt hr `lytfila. Dust p`y `ttcltihl th wf`t it gccms miec `s yhu nrigt hgg th smccp. @ln ilnccn tf`t is wf`t yhu wimm gccm4 `s ig yhu `rc nrigtila, hr sileila, hr acttila fc`vy. Yhu w`lt th mc`rl wf`t tfcsc scls`tihls `rc `ln fhw tfcy gccm ocb`usc yhu wimm gccm tfcsc eilns hg tfilas cvcry tikc yhu try th prhdcbt oy ahila ilth tr`lbc. Rh, I fhpc tf`t is bmc`rcr lhw! Lcxt thpib4 fypl`ahaib ik`acs. I act ` mht hg mcttcrs grhk pchpmc `ohut tfc fypl`ahaib ik`acs. ^h rckiln tfc rc`ncr, fypl`ahai` is tfc st`tc hg bhlsbihuslcss tf`t mics il-octwccl w`eila `ln smccpila.ik`acs. Qfcl yhu `rc il tfcik`acs fypl`ahaib st`tc, yhu scc fypl`ahaib Fypl`ahaib `rc bryst`m bmc`rk`y visu`m ?7?
pcrbcptihls. Yhu k`y scc g`bcs, hr trccs, hr m`lnsb`pcs, hr `ostr`bt ik`acs tf`t `rc f`rn th ncsbrioc witf whrns. Lhw, `s yhu pr`btibc tfc tr`lbc kctfhn, `ln yhur tr`lbc acts nccpcr `ln nccpcr, yhu k`y hr k`y lht scc fypl`ahaib ik`acs. Zchpmc writc kc `ln `rc bhlbcrlcn wfcl tfcy try th ah ilth tr`lbc `ln tfcy nh lht scc `ly fypl`ahaib ik`acs. ^fcy whlncr ig tfcy `rc nhila shkctfila wrhla wfcl tfcy nhl’t scc tfcsc ik`acs. @a`il, I sikpmy w`lt th k`ec tfis bryst`m bmc`r4 yhu k`y hr k`y lht scc tfcsc ik`acs. Rccila fypl`ahaib ik`acs is lht ` rcquirckclt ghr prhdcbtila oy tr`lbc. @s I s`in il NHXHOC, ig yhu nh scc tfck, tfcl tfis ilnib`tcs tf`t yhu `rc acttila nccpcr ilth tr`lbc (`s ` k`ttcr hg g`bt, ghr yhu pfysihmhaib`mmy ilbmilcn rc`ncrs, I f`vc rc`n tf`t tfc fypl`ahaib st`tc tclns th hbbur nurila st`acs 0 `ln ? hg lhl_CK smccp). Out ig yhu nh lht scc tfcsc ik`acs, it nhcsl’t kc`l yhu `rc nhila shkctfila wrhla. Its he lht th scc fypl`ahaib ik`acs `s yhu ah nccpcr ilth tr`lbc hl yhur w`y th prhdcbtila. @a`il, I fhpc tf`t tfis bm`rigics tfis philt. Gil`mmy, tfcrc is hlc m`st tfila I w`lt th nisbuss, `ln tfis is4 wfcl is it ` ahhn tikc th pr`btibc ahila ilth tr`lbc8 Lhw, tfis is lht shkctfila I nisbusscn il NHXHOC. ^fis is lht shkctfila I elcw wfcl I wrhtc NHXHOC. Out `s I f`vc stunicn khrc `ohut `mm tfis, p`rtibum`rmy `ohut tfc pfysihmhay hg smccp, its ocbhkc vcry bmc`r wfcl its tfc ocst tikc th try th ah ilth tr`lbc. @ln fcrc it is4 ^fc ocst tikc th try th prhdcbt usila tfc tr`lbc kctfhn is il tfc c`rmy khrlila, prcgcr`omy 03-2: kilutcs ocghrc yhu whumn lhrk`mmy w`ec up. ^fc whrst tikc th try th prhdcbt usila tfc tr`lbc kctfhn is il tfc liaft wfcl yhu `rc ahila th ocn. Mct kc cxpm`il wfy tfis is. @a`il, rckckocr wf`t wc `rc t`meila `ohut fcrc4 @l `str`m prhdcbtihl/HOC/mubin nrc`k ilvhmvcs t`eila yhur w`eila bhlsbihuslcss ilth tfc nrc`k whrmn. ^h nh tfis vi` tr`lbc, yhu `rc tryila th eccp yhur kiln `w`ec wfimc, `t tfc s`kc tikc, mcttila yhur ohny g`mm `smccp. Rh, tfc ecy tfila `ohut tfc tr`lbc kctfhn is eccpila yhur kiln `w`ec `ln b`rryila it `brhss tfc ohrncr, sh th spc`e, ilth tfc nrc`k whrmn. sikpmc is, wfcl th `msh ocn tircn `t liaft, yhu `rc tircn Qcmm, grhk tfc yhur n`y’s g`bt `btivitics. @lnyhu yhuah`rc ocb`usc ?72
yhur or`il is iltrilsib`mmy prhar`kkcn th g`mm `smccp il ` rfytfkib`m g`sfihl. Rh, ig yhu try th prhdcbt vi` tr`lbc `t liaft, yhu `rc, il cggcbt, tryila th swik upstrc`k, hr giaftila `l upfimm o`ttmc. Yhur ohny w`lts th g`mm `smccp `t liaft, `ln sh nhcs yhur kiln. Its `l ilfcrclt rfytfk ouimt ilth yhur ohny. Yhu lccn smccp `ln yhu lccn rcst. @ln, ghr Ahn hlmy elhws wf`t rc`shl, truc smccp `ln rcst rcquirc yhu th mhhsc yhur mubinity. Cvcrytfila il yhur ohny `ln or`il bhlspirila `a`ilst iltcltihls th eccp yhurtryila mubinity ilt`bt is wfcl yhu ah th ocn `tyhur liaft. Ghr `mm tfcsc rc`shls, th prhdcbt, vi` tfc tr`lbc kctfhn, wfcl yhu g`mm `smccp `t liaft is ` O@N inc`. Hl tfc htfcr f`ln, `s I s`in `ohvc, wf`t yhu b`l nh wfcl yhu g`mm `smccp `t liaft is p`y `ttcltihl th wf`t it gccms miec `s yhu g`mm hgg th smccp. Nh lht try th k`ilt`il yhur mubinity. Dust sikpmy p`y `ttcltihl `ln try th rckckocr tfc scls`tihls yhu `rc gccmila `s yhu g`mm `smccp. ^fis is hlc bhlstrubtivc usc hg g`mmila `smccp `t liaft. tfcrc `rc rc`shls wfy tryila th yhur prhdcbt vi` tr`lbc ilBhlvcrscmy, tfc khrlila is kubf khrc cggibiclt. Girst, ohny, or`il `ln kiln `rc rcstcn oy khrlila. ^fcrcghrc, ig yhu try th ah ilth tr`lbc il tfc @.K., yhu `rc lht giaftila `a`ilst tfc lccns hg yhur ohny. @ scbhln g`bthr is tf`t, wfcl yhu girst w`ec up, yhu `rc stimm nrhwsy. ^fis is ` g`bt `mm hg us elhw girst f`ln. @ln tfis b`l oc uscn th yhur `nv`lt`ac wfcl tryila th prhdcbt vi` tr`lbc. Grhk tfc philt hg vicw hg acttila up hut hg ocn `ln st`rtila yhur n`y, ocila nrhwsy is ` o`n tfila. Out grhk tfc philt hg vicw hg tryila th prhdcbt, ocila nrhwsy is ` fc`n st`rt hl ahila ilth tr`lbc. Qfcl yhu `rc nrhwsy yhu `rc `mrc`ny nccpmy rcm`xcn `ln yhur ohny wimm g`mm `smccp quitc c`simy. @mm yhu lccn th nh tfcl th ah ilth tr`lbc `gtcr w`eila il tfc khrlila is th eccp yhur kiln ghbuscn `ln `mcrt (i.c. mubin) `s yhu nrigt o`be hgg th smccp. Iltcrcstilamy clhuaf, tfis is shkctfila I f`vc quitc ilstilbtivcmy nhlc `mm `mhla. ^fc g`bt is, tfc v`st oume hg ky prhdcbtihls, ilbmunila khst cvcryhlc il NHXHOC, hbburrcn il tfc khrlila sfhrtmy `gtcr w`eila grhk ky liafts smccp. ^fc prhbcnurc is sikpmc. Rct yhur `m`rk th w`ec up ` mittmc c`rmy, k`yoc 03-2: kilutcs c`rmy (hg bhursc, tfis prcsupphscs yhu f`vc tikc il tfc khrlila th prhdcbt, `ln nhl’t f`vc th whrry `ohut subf tfilas `s ahila hgg th whre). ^fcl, wfcl yhu w`ec, ah `ln ah ?7>
th tfc o`tfrhhk, ocb`usc tfis is shkctfila yhu’mm f`vc th nh (`s ig lhlc hg us nhl’t elhw tf`t!). ^fcl, yhu k`y w`lt th hbbupy yhurscmg il shkc miaft kclt`m `btivity ghr `ohut 0:-03 kilutcs, usu`mmy rc`nila. I uscn th act up, ah th tfc o`tfrhhk, tfcl rc`n ohhes `ohut prhdcbtila ghr 0: kilutcs, tfcl m`y o`be nhwl `ln try th prhdcbt. Lhw, il g`irlcss, `mtfhuaf tfis is tfc w`y I f`vc nhlc tfilas silbc 0961, I lcvcr rc`mmy `pprcbi`tcn tfc sialigib`lbc hg `pprh`bfila prhdcbtila tfis w`y. ^fc miaft oumo bmibecn hl il ky fc`n wfcl I f`n rc`n `l `rtibmc oy Rtcpfcl M`Ocrac wfibf ncsbriocs tfis cx`bt `pprh`bf th prhdcbtila/mubin nrc`kila. Rh, brcnit lccns th oc put wfcrc brcnit is nuc. @ln `a`il, tfc tfilas I `k ncsbrioila `rc pr`btib`mmy incltib`m th Nr. M`Ocrac’s kctfhn b`mmcn QIMN. Gil`mmy, tfcrc is hlc khrc ikphrt`lt rc`shl I `k `w`rc hg wfy tryila th prhdcbt il tfc @.K. is khrc cggibiclt. ^fis f`s th nh witf tfc l`turc hg tfc smccp bybmc wc ah tfrhuaf scvcr`m tikcs c`bf liaft. I kcltihlcn il tfc `ln `ln `s k`ly hg yhubybmc k`y elhw, @s tfcrc `rc 3 pf`scs th m`st tfc bhmukl, smccp bybmc, tfc cltirc itscmg m`sts `ohut 9: kilutcs. ^fc 3 pf`scs `rc b`mmcn4 st`ac 0, st`ac ?, st`ac 2, st`ac > `ln _CK. It turls hut tf`t c`rmy il tfc liaft, `gtcr dust ahila th ocn, tfc oume hg tfc girst 9: kilutc smccp bybmc is t`ecl up oy st`acs 0->, `ln tfc _CK st`ac is vcry sfhrt il nur`tihl (k`yoc 0: kilutcs hut hg 9:). Out `s tfc liaft prharcsscs, st`acs 0> sfhrtcl, `ln _CK mclatfcls il nur`tihl. Rh, oy tfc c`rmy khrlila, `gtcr > hr 3 smccp bybmcs, _CK `bbhults ghr k`yoc >3 kilutcs hg tfc cltirc smccp bybmcs. @ln `a`il, tfc ecy mile fcrc is tf`t it is nurila _CK tf`t nrc`ks `ln mubin nrc`ks (hr HOCs/`str`m prhdcbtihls) hbbur. Rh, wf`t tfis `mm `khults th is tf`t, ghr rc`shls stimm ulelhwl th or`il sbicltists, yhur or`il b`l act ilth tfc _CK st`ac kubf c`sicr il tfc c`rmy khrlila tf`l il tfc liaft, `ln tfis wimm arc`tmy g`bimit`tc yhu f`vila ` tr`lbc ilnubcn prhdcbtihl (hr QIMN - wfibf cvcr tcrk yhu prcgcr). He, sh lhw I’k nhlc ghr lhw t`meila `ohut pr`btib`m stugg rcm`tcn th tfc tr`lbc kctfhn hg `bficvila HOCs/prhdcbtihls/mubin nrc`ks. I’n miec th bhlbmunc, stimm hl tfc lhtc hg pr`btib`mity - out lht tfc pr`btib`mity hg ahila ilth tr`lbc, out tfc pr`btib`mity hg wfibf inc`s yhu usc th bhlbcptu`mizc tfc prhdcbtihl/HOC/mubin prhdcbtihl/HOC/mubin nrc`k cxpcriclbc - oy k`eila tfc ghmmhwila hoscrv`tihl. ?73
Rilbc I’vc st`rtcn writila tfcsc bhmukls, I’vc bmc`rmy occl csphusila ` khrc sbicltigib vicw tf`t sccs tfis cxpcriclbc `s ` mubin nrc`k `ln lht nwcmmila hl tfc hbbumt vicw hg `str`m prhdcbtihl. ^fis sfigt il vicwphilt f`s rc`m pr`btib`m bhlscquclbcs, wfibf is wfy I f`vc sfigtcn il tfc girst pm`bc. Lhlc hg tfis is pfimhshpfib`m spcbum`tihl (i.c. rc`n "fht `ir"). Qc `rc nisbussila shkctfila vcry rc`m `ln rcpc`t`omc. ^fc sbicltigib vicw tf`t sccs tfis cxpcriclbc `s ` mubin nrc`k f`s Ghr vcry cx`kpmc, pr`btib`m bhlscquclbcs, k`ly hg wfibf hutmilcn `ohvc. smccp rcsc`rbfcrs rcvc`mcn tf`twcrc tfc smccp bybmc cxists. Nr. M`Ocrac’s whre f`s rcvc`mcn tf`t prhdcbtihls/mubin nrc`ks hbbur nurila tfc _CK pf`sc hg tfc smccp bybmc. ^fcsc sbicltigib hoscrv`tihls `mmhw ghr tfc pr`btib`m `nvibc tf`t `ttckptila th prhdcbt il tfc khrlila, uphl w`eila, wimm oc khrc cggcbtivc tf`l tryila th prhdcbt `t liaft wfcl g`mmila `smccp. ^fcrc is lhtfila il tfc hbbumt vicw hg `str`m prhdcbtihl tf`t whumn `mmhw us th bhkc th tfis pr`btib`m bhlbmusihl. ^fis is hlmy hlc cx`kpmc hg tfc strclatf hg tfc sbicltigib vicw hvcr tfc hbbumt whrmn vicw. @ln tfis `msh immustr`tcs fhw wf`t wc ocmicvc `ln elhw `ggcbts fhw wc `bt. Rilbc tfc tfckc hg tfis bhmukl rcvhmvcs `rhuln pr`btib`mity, I w`lt th dust bhlbmunc witf tfc tfhuaft tf`t wf`t inc`s wc nh hr nh lht `bbcpt f`vc pr`btib`m bhlscquclbcs, `ln tf`t shkc inc`s `rc khrc pr`btib`m tf`l htfcr inc`s. ^fc trutf is, tfc k`il rc`shl I f`vc sfigtcn `w`y grhk hbbumt vicws `ln thw`rns sbicltigib vicws is ocb`usc tfc sbicltigib vicws `rc khrc pr`btib`m. ^fc sbicltigib inc`s `mmhw us th `bt khrc cggibicltmy `ln th act tfilas nhlc. @ln `s wcmm, tfcrc `rc khult`ils hg cvinclbc tf`t supphrt tfc sbicltigib inc`s. Il bhltr`st, tfc hbbumt inc`s `rc butc g`iry t`mcs - stimm hg ocmicvc, ghrv`muc rc`shls I wimm ah ilthvicws il ` guturc out lhtv`muc `s hgIsubf nircbt `s tfc sbicltigib hg tfis bhmukl, `mtcrcn st`tc wc `rc nisbussila.
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D`l. D `l. 0991 @ohut ^fc Qhr Qhrmn mn Hg Nrc`ks
F
i ghmes! Its occl ` wfimc silbc I'vc writtcl ` Zm`lc ^`me bhmukl. Qf`t I'n miec th nh tfis tikc `rhuln is ghbus hl tfc qucstihl4 wf`t is tfc n nrc`k rc`k whrmn8 Ghr `gtcr`mm, il hur nrc`ks `ln hur mubin nrc`ks (hr HOCs HOCs hr `str`m prhdcbtihls, hr wf`tcvcr wc wisf th b`mm tfck) tfck) wc rc`mmy `ppc`r th oc shkcwfcrc. Il Il hur nrc`ks wc `rc il pm`bcs5 wc khvc tfrhuaf tfrhuaf m`lnsb`pcs - shkctikcs hg ` kuln`lc bf`r`btcr, bf`r`btcr, shkctikcs shkctikcs hg ` oiz`rrc `ln surrc`mistib bf`r`btcr. Qf`tcvcr tfc ghrks ghrks tfcy k`y k`y t`ec, wf`t is bmc`r is tf`t wfcl wc wc nrc`k wc `rc shkcwfcrc. Qf`t I'n miec th nisbuss is shkc hg tfc inc`s I'vc occl eibeila `rhuln `ohut dust wf`t tfis shkcwfcrc rc`mmy is wfcl wc t`me `ohut ocila il hur nrc`ks. Il NHXHOC., I put ghrtf tfc inc` tf`t tfc whrmn hg hur nrc`ks `rc tfc pm`lcs hg l`turc ncsbriocn oy hbbumtists, p`rtibum`rmy hg tfc ^fchshpfib`m v`ricty subf `s @llic Ocs`lt `ln B.Q. Mc`noc`tcr. Il g`bt, oy tfc cln hg tfis `rtibmc, I fhpc th iimmustr`tc mmustr`tc fhw l`ivc hg ` vicwphilt tfis is. @s yhu rc`ncrs hg tfis bhmukl elhw, I f`vc occl ghbusila khrc `ln khrc hl sbicltigib cxpm`l`tihls hg tfc pfclhkcl` hg mubin nrc`kila/HOCs/`str`m nrc`kila/HOCs/`str`m prhdcbtihl, `ln tfis w`y hg tfileila tfileila sccs tfcsc tfcsc cxpcriclbcs `s ocila prhnubts hg hur hu`ln r or`il. @s I f`vc `mmhwcn kiln th hg hpcl up th tfis sbicltigib, oihmhaib`m, vicwphilt - `ln `lky n tfc ohny cvinclbc ?71
tf`t supphrts subf subf ` vicwphilt vicwphilt - tfc qucstihl f`s hbburrcn th kc4 ig ilnccn hur nrc`ks `ln mubin nrc`ks `rc prhnubts hg hur or`ils, tfcl fhw is it hur or`ils b`l brc`tc tfc rc`mistib, bhkpmcx `ln nct`imcn whrmns wc khvc tfrhuaf il hur nrc`ks `ln mubin nrc`ks8 Il pursuit hg `l `lswcr th tfis qucstihl, I f`vc survcycn ` g`irmy m`rac `khult hg mitcr`turc `ohut fhw hur or`ils whre. Iliti`mmy, I w`s vcry secptib`m tf`t hlc bhumn cxpm`il tfc clvirhlkclts, m`lnsb`pcs `ln pm`bcs hg hur nrc`ks il tcrks hg fhw tfc or`il hpcr`tcs. Fhwcvcr, `gtcr kubf rc`nila `ln mc`rlila, ky iliti`m secptibisk f`s occl rcpm`bcn witf shkc ilemila hg `l ulncrst`lnila hg fhw tfc or`il ilnccn b`l brc`tc witfil itscmg wfhmc whrmns tfrhuaf wfibf wc, `s pcrshl`mitics, khvc, mivc `ln f`vc hur ocila, lht hlmy il hur nrc`ks, out wfimc wc `rc `w`ec `s wcmm. @s witf khst qucstihls wc `se, tfcrc is ` fuac pfimhshpfib`m bhkphlclt th tfis issuc hg tfc l`turc hg tfc nrc`k whrmn. ^fc pfimhshpfib`m qucstihls rcvhmvc `rhuln tfis4 wc t`ec hur w`hur eila cxpcriclbc il `s tfc hur nrc`k philt hg ncp`rturc wfcl t`me `ohutw`eila hu r cxpcriclbcs whrmn. @ln il hur wc w`eila cxpcriclbc wc khvc tfrhuaf tfis pfysib`m whrmn, ` whrmn wfibf is rcvc`mcn th hur bhlsbihus `w`rclcss tfrhuaf tfc `aclby hg hur sclscs. Hur sclscs ilbmunc sccila, fc`rila, thubfila, skcmmila, skcmmila, `ln t`stila, wfibf `rc tfc givc bhkkhlmy elhwl sclscs. Out wc f`vc htfcr sclscs il hur ohny thh4 wc b`l sclsc tckpcr`turc, p`il, up `ln nhwl (i.c. ar`vity), tfc khtihl hg hur hur ohnics `ln mikos, wc b`l gccm vior`tihls, `ln prcssurc `ln tfcrc `rc k`ly ulbhlsbihus sclscs bhlst`ltmy khlithrila tfc iltcrl`m hra`ls hg hur ohnics. It is tfrhuaf `mm hg tfcsc sclshry khn`mitics tf`t wc elhw hg tfc whrmn wc ilf`oit wfimc wc `rc `w`ec. @ln tfc khst ikphrt`lt philt is tf`t wc t`ec `mm hg tfis vcry ghr ar`ltcn. Qc sikpmy sikpmy `ssukc tf`t tfc whrmn tf`t is rcvc`mcn th us tfrhuaf hur sclscs cxists cxists `s `l hodcbtivc whrmn tf`t cxists hutsinc hg us, `ln wc `ssukc tf`t wc pcrbcivc tfis whrmn trumy `s it is. Lhw tfcsc rc`mmy `rc ikphrt`lt pfimhshpfib`m qucstihls tf`t f`vc pm`aucn pfimhshpfcrs tfrhuafhut tfc bclturics. bclturics. Zfimhshpfcrs Zfimhshpfcrs miec E`lt `ln Ncsb`rtcs, `ln k`ly htfcrs, f`vc whrricn `ohut tfc rcmi`oimity hg hur hur sclscs ghr rcvc`mila rcvc`mila th hur kilns `ohut tfc tfc l`turc hg tfc whrmn, whrmn, `ln tfcy f`vc whrricn whrricn `ohut tfc scckila hodcbtivity hg tfc inc`s wc Ibrc`tc ncsbrioc tfciswhrmn iil l wfibf wc giln hurscmvcs. Qf`t Qf`t giln hgtharc`t iltcrcst tf`t `seila tfc qucstihl ?76
"wf`t is tfc whrmn hg nrc`ks8" nrc`ks8" f`s `l `wgum `wgum mht tth h nh witf tfcsc pfimhshpfib`m qucstihls. @a`il, wc `ssukc tfc whrmn hg w`eila is rc`m, shmin `ln hodcbtivc. @ln wc khvc tfrhuaf tfis whrmn `s wc mivc hur mivcs il tikc, lcvcr aivila `ly tfhuaft `t `mm (ulmcss hg bhursc yhu `rc ` or`il sbicltist!) th tfc k`rvcmhus oih-k`bfilc il hur fc`ns - hur or`ils - tf`t k`ec migc `s wc elhw it phssiomc. Out tfc g`bt is, it is ocb`usc hg tfc prhpcrtics hg hur or`il tf`t wc b`l pcrbcivc tfc whrmn hg hur w`eila cxpcriclbc. It is ocb`usc hg tfc prhpcrtics hg hur or`il tf`t tfcrc is bhltiluity bhltiluity il tikc th th hur w`eila cxpcriclbc. Cvcl tfhuaf cvcry n`y hg ocila `w`ec `w`ec is iltcrruptcn oy ` liaft hg smccp `ln hg nrc`ks, wc w`ec il tfc khrlila `ln bhltiluc bhltiluc hl witf hur w`eila migc, bhltiluc bhltiluc tfc cvclts hg ycstcrn`y, mhheila ghrw`rn ghrw`rn th tfc cvclts cvclts hg tthkhrrhw. hkhrrhw. ^fc bhltiluity il tikc hg hur w`eila mivcs is nuc nuc th tfc g`bt g`bt tf`t hur or`il sthrcs sthrcs kckhrics hg tfc tfilas it cxpcriclbcs. Ig hur or`ils nin lht sthrc kckhrics, tfcl tfcl wc whumn lht rckckocr wf`t f`ppclcn th us, lhr whumn wc rckckocr tfc tfilas wc wc wcrc pm`llila hl nhila nhila `ln tfc tfilas tfilas wc strivc th th `bficvc `ln ghr wfibf wc fhpc. Il g`bt, tfcrc `rc typcs hg or`il n`k`ac tf`t pchpmc b`l suggcr wfcrc tfcir or`il mhsscs tfc `oimity th ghrk kckhrics. Rubf pchpmc mivc bhlst`ltmy il tfc prcsclt. ^fcy nh lht rckckocr ycstcrn`y, lhr nh tfcy rckckocr th pm`l ghr thkhrrhw. Miecwisc, `s wc t`ec hur kckhrics ghr ar`ltcn th ` m`rac cxtclt il hur n`y th th n`y mivcs, sh sh thh nh wc t`ec hur or`ils `oimity th pcrbcivc tfc whrmn whrmn hg hur w`eila cxpcriclbc ghr ar`ltcn. Nhl't yhu cvcr whlncr dust fhw it is tf`t tf`t yhu b`l hpcl yhur cycs `ln scc tfc whrmn8 Rccila f`ppcls quitc `uthk`tib`mmy. Yhu nhl't f`vc th nh `lytfila, it dust f`ppcls. Lhr nin yhu f`vc th mc`rl th scc. ^fc `oimity th scc is ouimt ilth ilth yhur ohny5 ouimt ilth yhur cycs `ln tfc lcrvc bhllcbtihls octwccl yhur cycs `ln yhur or`il. or`il. Yhu wcrc ohrl witf tfc `oimity th scc - it is ` aigt tf`t Ahn f`s aivcl yhu. @mtfhuaf tfc fhw hg sccila lcvcr cltcrs ilth hur kilns `s wc ah `ohut hur n`y-th-n`y ousilcss (`a`il, ulmcss yhu `rc ` or`il sbicltist wfh stunics stunics visihl!), tfc g`bt is, tfcrc tfcrc is ` vcry bhkpmcx sct hg prhbcsscs tf`t ulncrmic ulncrmic hur `oimity th scc. Qf`t I w`lt th th nh lhw is cxpm`il ` mittmc oit `ohut tfc tfc finncl `ln ulsccl (hlc (hlc bhumn cvcl b`mm tfck "hbbumt") prhbcsscs tf`t `rc f`ppclila cvcry tikc tikc wc mhhe `t tfc whrmn. ?79
Girst hgg, wf`t `mmhws us th scc is miaft. Miaft cxists il tfc whrmn hg hur w`eila cxpcriclbc, `ln it cxists `s w`vcs hg ilgilitcsik`mmy sk`mm p`rtibmcs b`mmcn pfhthls. pfhthls. ^fcsc pfhthls/miaft w`vcs khvc `rhuln tfrhuaf sp`bc `t k`ssivc spccns - tfc spccn hg miaft is tfc g`stcst g`stcst spccn hg `lytfila wc elhw hg - `ln tfcsc pfhthls/miaft w`vcs ohulbc hgg hg tfilas tf`t `rc k`nc hg k`ttcr. ^fcy citfcr ohulbc hgg hg k`tcri`m tfilas, hr tfcy ah riaft tfrhuaf tfck tfc grcquclby hg tfc miaft w`vcs w`vcs `ln tfc l`turc l`turc hg tfcncpclnila k`ttcr tfcyhlclbhultcr. Lhw, `s tfcsc miaft w`vcs ohulbc hgg hg tfilas, shkc hg tfc miaft w`vcs cltcr hur cycs. @ln ilsinc ilsinc hg hur cyco`mms, cyco`mms, tfc wfhmc o`be w`mm hg hur cyc cy c o`mm is k`nc hg bcmms tf`t rcsphln th tfc miaft w`vcs. ^fcsc ^fcsc bcmms k`ec up ` rcaihl hg tfc cyc b`mmcn tfc rctil`. @ln tfc bcmms hg tfc rct rctil` il` tf`t nctcbt miaft w`vcs `rc b`mmcn rhns `ln bhlcs. ^fc rhns `ln bhlcs nh lht rcsphln th `mm miaft w`vcs, out hlmy th ` vcry l`rrhw r`lac hg miaft w`vcs tf`t wc b`mm visiomc miaft. ^fis r`lac hg miaft w`vcs is visiomc ocb`usc wc scc tfck, `ln wc scc tfck ocb`usc ocb`usc tfc rhns `ln bhlcs b`l nctcbt tfck. ^h k`ec ` vcry mhla `ln bhkpmcx sthry sfhrt, wfcl visiomc miaft cltcrs tfc rctil`, rctil`, tfc rctil` sclns lcrvc ikpumscs ikpumscs th tfc or`il. ^fcsc lcrvc ikpumscs `rc lht pibturcs il `ly sclsc `t `mm5 tfcy `rc p`ttcrls hg cmcbtribity. Rh, hur rctil`s bhlvcrt miaft miaft w`vcs wfibf f`vc ohulbcn hgg hg, hr wcrc ckittcn ckittcn grhk hodcbts `rhuln us, th p`ttcrls hg cmcbtribity ilsinc hur or`ils. Rh, ig tfc cyc sclns p`ttcrls hg cmcbtribity ilth hur or`ils, tfcl fhw is it wc b`l scc8 Hr wf`t is sccila8 Qcmm, gr`lemy, ig I bhumn `lswcr tfis qucstihl, I'n oc g`khus. ^fc g`bt is, lh hlc is quitc surc hg fhw tfc p`ttcrls hg cmcbtribity tf`t mc`vc ttfc fc cyc `ln cltcr tfc or`il act bhlvcrtcn ilth tfis suodcbtivc kclt`m pfclhkcl` wc b`mm "sccila". Fhwcvcr, shkc hg tfc khrc bmcvcr sbicltists wfh ar`ppmc witf tfcsc tfcsc issucs f`vc t`ecl `l iltcrcstila t`bt th tfc prhomck. Ilstc`n hg whlncrila fhw p`ttcrls hg cmcbtribity act bhlvcrtcn th tfc tfilas wc `btu`mmy `rc sccila il il hur bhlsbihuslcss, tfcsc tfcsc sbicltists f`vc nc`mt witf tfc issuc oy st`tila tf`t wf`t wc b`mm "sccila" is `btu`mmy p`ttcrls hg cmcbtribity bhursila tfrhuaf hur or`ils, or`ils, `ln `btu`mmy, hlmy tfrhuaf tfrhuaf vcry spcbigib p`rts p`rts hg hur or`ils.
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@ln tfc g`bt is, tfcrc is ahhn cvinclbc th supphrt tfis vicwphilt. Yhu b`l ik`ailc tf`t ig ` pcrshl's cycs aht n`k`acn, tfcl tf`t pcrshl whumn ocbhkc omiln, `ln ilnccn tfis is tfc b`sc. Fhwcvcr, it turls hut tf`t pchpmc b`l ocbhkc omiln oy f`vila tfc p`rts hg tfcir or`il tf`t `rc ilvhmvcn witf sccila ocbhkc n`k`acn, cvcl il tfcir tfcir cycs `rc pcrgcbtmy ilt`bt. Il tfis b`sc, tfc pcrshl f`s or`il n`k`ac, lht cyc n`k`ac, out tfcy ocbhkc omiln lhlctfcmcss. Bmc`rmy tfp`ttcrls cl, tfis hg supphrts tfckhvila lhtihl tfrhuaf tf`t wf`t wc b`mm "sccila" ilvhmvcstfcl, cmcbtribity spcbigib p`rts hg tfc or`il5 ig tfhsc p`rts hg tfc or`il act n`k`acn, tfc pcrshl b`l lh mhlacr scc - tfcy `rc omiln. Lhw, cvcryhlc rc`nila tfis is usila ` bhkputcr. K`ly hg yhu elhw tf`t tfc bhkputcr sbrccl yhu `rc mhheila `t is bhkphscn hg sk`mm nhts hg miaft b`mmcn b`mmcn "pixcms". Oy bhkoilila k`ly pixcms thactfcr hl tfc surg`bc surg`bc hg tfc ^W ^W tuoc hg yhur bhkputcr khlithr, it brc`tcs ` pibturc. It turls turls hur tf`t hur hur or`il nhcs ` sikim`r tfila witf visihl. Hur rctil` is k`nc up hg k`ly kimmihls hg bcmms - tfc rhns `ln bhlcs - `ln c`bf hg tfcsc is miec ` pi pixcm. xcm. Lhw, c`bf pixcms hl yhur bhkputcr sbrccl sbrccl f`s its pm`bc hl tfc surg`bc hg tfc bhkputcr sbrccl. ^fc pixcms ghrk ` twh-nikclsihl`m arin `ln tfc mhb`tihl hg c`bf pixcm is ncgilcn oy st`tila its pm`bc hl tfis ?-N arin. Miecwisc, tfc rctil` is `msh ` ?-N arin hg bcmms `ln c`bf bcmm f`s ` ncgilitc pm`bc hl tfis arin. @ln wfcl ` p`rtibum`r bcmm sclscs miaft, it - oy quitc ilnircbt kc`ls - sclns ` mittm mittmcc lcrvc ikpumsc hut hg tfc cyc. ^fc ikpumscs ah th vcry spcbigib rcaihls hg tfc or`il - th ` p`rt hg tfc or`il b`mmcn tfc visu`m bhrtcx - il subf subf ` w`y tf`t c`bf rcaihl hg tfc visu`m bhrtcx bhrrcsphlns th ` spcbigib mhb`tihl hl tfc rctil`. Hr st`tcn `lhtfcr `lhtfcr w`y, tfcrc is ` rcaihl (`btu`mmy scvcr`m hg tfck)tfc il tfc visu`m hg hur or`il or`il wfibf is hra`lizcn s`kc` w`y rctil` hg bhrtcx tfc cyc is. Qf`t tfis kc`ls is tf`ttfc wfcl p`rtibum`r rcaihl hg tfc rctil` sclscs miaft, tfis b`uscs b`uscs p`ttcrls hg cmcbtribity th cltcr vcry spcbigib rcaihls hg tfc visu`m bhrtcx. ^fcrcghrc, wfcl yhu scc shkctfila il tfc uppcr mcgt bhrlcr hg yhur visu`m gicmn, tfis ik`ac `btiv`tcs bcmms il ` vcry spcbigib rcaihl hg yhur rctil`, rctil`, `ln il turl, tfcsc rctil`m bcmms `btiv`tc vcry spcbigib rcaihls hg yhur visu`m bhrtcx wfibf wfibf bhrrcsphln th tfc uppcr mcgt p`rt hg tfc sp`bc `t `t wfibf yhu `rc mhheila. Qf`t tfis kc`ls is tf`t yhu rc`mmy nh lht "scc" tfc tfila il tfc uppcr mcgt bhrlcr hg yhur visu`m visu`m gicmn gicmn ultim ultim tfc bcmms il tfc visu`m bhrtcx hg yhur or`il ocbhkc `btivc. It is tfc `btiv`tihl hg tfcsc ?10
bcmms il yhur or`il tf`t b`uscs yhu th "scc", lht tfc `btiv`tihl hg tfc bcmms il tfc rctil`. @a`il, tfis `mm f`ppcls tht`mmy `uthk`tib`mmy. It nhcs lht k`ttcr wfctfcr hr lht wc elhw tf`t tf`t `mm tfis is ahila hl ocb`usc it ahcs hl `lyw`y. It It f`s occl tfc bmcvcrlcss `ln ilacluity hg or`il sbicltists tf`t tfcy f`vc giaurcn giaurcn hut tf`t tf`t `mm tfis stugg is ahila hl "ocfiln tfc sbclcs" wfcl wc pcrghrk tfc sikpmc `bt hg mhheila `t shkctfila. @ln tfcrc is kubf khrc ahila hl `s wcmm, out ocb`usc tfis is lht `l css`y ncnib`tcn th visu`m prhbcssila, prhbcssila, I wimm lht ah ilth `ly khrc hg tfc nct`ims. ^fc ikphrt`lt inc` `t tfis philt is tf`t tfcrc is mitcr`mmy ` K@Z hg visu`m sp`bc ilsinc ` p`rtibum`r p`rt hg yhur or`il. @ln wfcl tfis k`p hg visu`m sp`bc acts `btiv`tcn it brc`tcs il us tfc bhlsbihus cxpcriclbc hg sccila. Qf`t tfis tfis inc` kc`ls is tf`t ig yhu bhumn shkcfhw `rtigibi`mmy stikum`tc tfcsc p`rts hg tfc or`il witf cmcbtribity, it whumn b`usc tfc pcrshl th scc shkctfila shkctfila tf`t is lht trumy tfcrc (wfibf is tfc ncgilitihl hg ` f`mmubil`tihl). Lhw, tfcsc inc`s `ppmy th `mm hg hur sclshry khn`mitics. Fclbc, yhu f`vc `l `unih k`p h hgg sp`bc il yhur yhur or`il, `ln wfcl it acts `btiv`tcn, yhu cxpcriclbc cxpcriclbc tfc suodcbtivc scls`tih scls`tihl l hg fc`rila. Yhu f`vc ` t`btimc (thubf) k`p hg yhur ohny il yhur or`il, `ln wfcl it acts `btiv`tcn, yhu cxpcriclbc tfc suodcbtivc scls`tihl hg thubf hl tfc surg`bc surg`bc hg yhur ohny. Yhu f`vc k`ps il yhur or`il hg `mm yhur sclshry khn`mitics, khn`mitics, `ln wfcl tfcsc k`ps act `btiv`tcn, it brc`tcs il yhur bhlsbihus `w`rclcss, ` pcrbcptihl hg tf`t sclshry khn`mity - oc it thubf, fc`rila, o`m`lbc, tckpcr`turc, p`il, ctb. ctb. Ghr yhu bmcvcr rc`ncrs hut tfcrc, it sfhumn oc quitc hovihus wfcrc ky `raukclt is ahila. @mm tf`t I f`vc nisbusscn `ohvc b`l hlmy kc`l hlc tfila4 tfc whrmn yhu pcrbcivc th oc "hut tfcrc" is lht "hut tfcrc" `t `mm. It is, il g`bt ilsinc yhur or`il. ^fc ^fc whrmn tf`t is scckilamy hutsinc hg us is lht hutsinc hg us `t `mm4 it is ilsinc hur or`ils. ^f`t tfc whrmn "hut tfcrc" sccks sccks th oc hutsinc hg hg us is is `l immusihl brc`tcn oy hur or`ils. Hur or`ils B_C@^C tfc whrmn tf`t wc pcrbcivc `ln hg wfibf wc `rc `w`rc, `ln tfis kc`ls tf`t "hut tfcrc" is `btu`mmy ilsinc hur fc`ns. @ln tfis acts o`be th tfc pfimhshpfib`m stugg I kcltihl kcltihlcn cn `t tfc st`rt hg tfc `rtibmc. Khltfs `ah, wfcl ky burihsity burihsity mc`n kc th tfc qucstihl "fhwtf`t nhcshur tfc or`il brc`tc tfc whrmn hur nrc`ks8" I w`s `ssukila bhlstrubtcn tfchgwhrmn hg hur ?1?
nrc`ks, out nin lht bhlstrubt tfc whrmn hg hur w`eila cxpcriclbc. I l`ivcmy `ssukcn tf`t tfc w`eila whrmn w`s tht`mmy hodcbtivc il shkc sclsc ilncpclnclt grhk tfc `btihl hg tfc or`il. Fhwcvcr, wf`t I rc`mizcn `s I mc`rlcn khrc `ln khrc `ohut fhw tfc or`il whres is tf`t tfc or`il `btu`mmy B_C@^CR tfc whrmn hg hur Q@EILA cxpcriclbc. @a`il, tfc whrmn wc pcrbcivc th oc hutsinc hg hur ohnics is LH^ hutsinc hutsinc hg hur hur ohnics `t `mm. ^fc hutsinc hutsinc whrmn hg w`eila is IL ilsinc or`ils. @MM HG HS_ ZC_BCZ^IHLR ZC_BCZ^IHL R HBBS_ HS_hur O_@ILR. Fhwcvcr, tfcsc inc`s nh lht ikpmy tf`t tfc whrmn is ` bhlstrubt hg hur ik`ail`tihls `s tfc `lbiclt Arcce Rhpfist pfimhshpfcrs ocmicvcn. ^fcrc is `l hodcbtivc whrmn tf`t cxists hutsinc hg us `ln witfil wfibf wc mivc, mivc, khvc `ln f`vc f`vc hur ocila. Fhwcvcr, wf`t I `k s`yila is tf`t @MM QC B@L ELHQ HG ^FIR QH_MN IR ^FC _CZ_CRCL^@^IHL _CZ_CRCL^@^IHL HG I^ B_C@^CN OY HS_ O_@IL. I'mm I'mm cm`ohr`tc hl tfis philt `fc`n. Rh, mct's act o`be th tfc sthry hg fhw tfc or`il whres. ^fc ecy inc` is tf`t tfc tfc ^f`t or`ilisbrc`tcs _CZ_CRCL^@^I _CZ_CRCL^@^IHLR HLR tfc whrmn witfil itscmg. tfc gulbtihl hg hur or`ils4 th hg brc`tc rcprcsclt`tihls hg rc`mity. Rh, l`tur`mmy clhuaf, tfc qucstihl `riscs4 fhw bhkc tfc rcprcsclt`tihls rcprcsclt`tihls brc`tcn oy tfc or`il scck th sh `bbur`tcmy kirrhr tfc rc`mity tf`t is hutsinc hg us8 Qcmm, tfc `lswcr is sikpmc4 ocb`usc hg hur hur sclscs. ^fc c`sicst c`sicst w`y th tfile `ohut it is tf`t hur sclscs `rc `rc miec miec bhheic buttcrs. Bhheic buttcrs KHMN bhheic nhuaf nhuaf ilth ilth spcbigib sf`pcs. Miecwisc, hur sclscs - wfcl tfcy `rc `btivc `btivc - KHMN hur or`il's `oimity th rcprcsclt rc`mity ilth spcbigib "sf`pcs". ^fc sclscs `rc KHMNR hr ^CKZM@^CR tf`t nctcrkilc tfc sf`pc hg pcrbcptihls tf`t tfc or`il wimm aclcr`tc il hur `w`rclcss. Lhw, sh g`r, `mm I f`vc s`in `ppmics th tfc b`sc wfcl wc `rc `w`ec. @ln `a`il, tfc irhly is tf`t tfc w`eila whrmn wc elhw il hur `w`rclcss is `btu`mmy p`ttcrls hg cmcbtribity il hur or`il, wfibf `rc sf`pcn oy hur sclscs. Fhwcvcr, wf`t f`ppcls wfcl wc smccp8 @a`il, th k`ec ` mhla `ln bhkpmcx sthry sfhrt, wfcl wc smccp, tfc `oimity hg hur sclscs th khmn hur or`il's `oimity th rcprcsclt rc`mity witfil it is turlcn w`y nhwl. Ig yhu wimm rcb`mm, tfcrc `rc twh k`il pf`scs th smccp4 tfc lhl_CK pf`sc `ln tfc _CK pf`sc. It is lhw elhwl `ln wcmm ?12
cst`omisfcn tf`t wc nrc`k nurila tfc _CK pf`sc hg smccp. Nrc`ks shkctikcs hbbur nurila lhl_CK smccp out `rc kubf mcss grcquclt tf`l nurila _CK smccp. Rh, it whumn scck tf`t nurila lhl_CK smccp, tfc `oimity hg tfc or`il th aclcr`tc rcprcsclt`tihls is itscmg turlcn nhwl. Qf`t `mm tfis mc`ns thh is tfis bhlbmusihl4 N_C@KR @_C ^FC O_@IL ACLC_@^ILA _CZ_CRCL^@^IHLR _CZ_CRCL^@^IHLR HG _C@MI^Y NS_ILA _CK RMCCZ, QFCL ^FC @OIMI^Y HG ^FC RCLRCR ^H "KHMN" ^FC O_@IL'R _CZ_CRCL^@^IHL@M _CZ_CRCL^@^IH L@M @B^IWI^Y IR ^S_LCN NHQL. Il htfcr whrns, nrc`ks `rc p`ttcrls hg cmcbtribity ocila aclcr`tcn oy tfc or`il nurila _CK smccp tf`t rcsumt il bhlsbihus pcrbcptihls il cx`btmy cx`btmy tfc s`kc g`sfihl g`sfihl tf`t hbburs hbburs nurila w`eila. Lhw, tfcrc `rc k`ly niggcrclbcs octwccl w`eila pcrbcptihls `ln nrc`k pcrbcptihls. ^fc khst ikphrt`lt is tf`t tf`t hur sclscs `rc turlcn hl wfcl wc `rc `w`ec, out tturlcn urlcn hgg wfcl wfcl wc nrc`k `ln tfis f`s ikphrt`lt bhlscquclbcs. bhlscquclbcs. Qfcl tfc sclscs `rc hl, tfcy KHMN tfc rcprcsclt`tihl`m gulbtihl hg tfc or`il. Qfcl Qfcl tfc sclscs `rc hgg, `s il _CK smccp, tfc or`il or`il aclcr`tcs pcrbcptu`m pcrbcptu`m rcprcsclt`tihls hg rc`mity tf`t `rc LH^ khmncn oy sclshry ilput. @rc tfcrc htfcr g`bthrs il tfc or`il tf`t fcmp khmn tfc rcprcsclt`tihls aclcr`tcn nurila nrc`ks8 Ycs, `oshmutcmy. ^fc khst ikphrt`lt is prho`omy hur khtiv`tihl`m st`tc4 hur wisfcs, nrivcs, ncsircs, `ln htfcr sikim`r ckhtihl`m g`bthrs. Hur kckhrics `rc `msh ikphrt`lt nctcrkil`lts il ghrkila hur nrc`ks. @ln tfcrc `rc prho`omy ulbhlsbihus g`bthrs tf`t fcmp khmn wf`t wc bhlsbihusmy pcrbcivc nurila nrc`k st`tcs. Fhwcvcr, riaft lhw I `k lht ahila th nwcmm hl tfis thpib hg wf`t khmns tfc bhltclts hg hur nrc`ks - tfis I wimm s`vc ghr `lhtfcr bhmukl. ^fc gulbtihl hg hur kckhrics is `msh niggcrclt octwccl ocila `w`ec `ln ocila il ` nrc`k. Qc `mm elhw tf`t wc nhl't rckckocr nrc`ks `s wcmm `s wc rckckocr hur w`eila cxpcriclbcs. ^fcsc philt th ` oia niggcrclbc il tfc gulbtihl hg tfc or`il octwccl w`eila `ln nrc`kila. Fhwcvcr, wf`t is tfc s`kc octwccl w`eila `ln nrc`kila is tf`t tfc or`il is aclcr`tila rcprcsclt`tihls hg rc`mity tf`t cltcr hur bhlsbihuslcss `s pcrbcptihls hg ` whrmn ”hut tfcrc". Rh, wc bhkc o`be th tfc k`il qucstihl hg tfis `rtibmc4 wf`t is tfc nrc`k whrmn8 whrmn8 Qcmm, `bbhrnila th `mm `mm I s`in `ohvc, tfc nrc`k ?1>
whrmn is il g`bt p`ttcrls hg cmcbtribity witfil hur or`il, il tfhsc rcaihls hg tfc or`il tf`t brc`tc hur pcrbcptihls hg scls`tihls. ^fc whrmn hg nrc`ks `rc whrmns - `btu`mmy, pcrbcptihls hg whrmns aclcr`tcn oy tfc or`il il tfc @ORCLBC hg tfc sclscs khmnila tfc or`il's `oimity th aclcr`tc pcrbcptihls. Rh, is tfis `mm kuln`lc8 Nhcs tfis ncstrhy tfc hmn hbbumt vicws hg tfc pm`lcs hg l`turc8 Qf`t tfc inc`s I'vc prcscltcn `ohvc ghrbc us th nh is lht oc sh l`ivc il hur tfileila. ^fc inc` tf`t nrc`ks `rc p`ttcrls hg cmcbtribity il tfc or`il nhcs ncstrhy `ly sikpmistib `ln l`ivc lhtihls tf`t tfc pm`lcs hg l`turc cxist `s hodcbtivc whrmns `l`mhahus th `l hodcbtivc pfysib`m whrmn. Ig yhu ulncrsthhn wf`t I s`in `ohvc, yhu lhw `pprcbi`tc tf`t cvcl tfc whrmn hg hur w`eila cxpcriclbc is LH^ hodcbtivc il `ly sikpmc sclsc. ^fc whrmn hg hur w`eila cxpcriclbc is ` _CZ_CRCL^@^IHL ilsinc hur or`ils - hlc tf`t is KHMNCN oy tfc `btihl hg tfc sclscs. Fclbc, tfc wfhmc inc` hg hodcbtivity ocbhkcs fhpcmcssmy l`ivc grhk tfis philt hg vicw. Ig hodcbtivity cxists, it kust oc ` lhtihl tf`t ilbmuncs tfc g`bt tf`t wf`t wc pcrbcivc is hlmy ` _CZ_CRCL^@^IHL - ` oulbf hg p`ttcrls hg cmcbtribity - ILRINC ^FC O_@IL. Rh, lht hlmy `rc tfc hmn hbbumt lhtihls ncstrhycn, out sh `rc k`ly lhlhbbumt lhtihls. Qf`t is ncstrhycn is ` sikpmistib `ln l`ivc `ssukptihl tf`t wf`t wc pcrbcivc b`l oc t`ecl `t g`bc v`muc. Qc lhw elhw clhuaf `ohut tfc finncl `ln ilvisiomc (i.c. hbbumt) prhbcss tf`t ulncrmic hur `oimity th pcrbcivc tf`t wc b`l lh mhlacr t`ec wf`t wc pcrbcivc `t g`bc v`muc. Rh wf`t cmsc is tfcrc ig wc b`llht t`ec hur pcrbcptihls `t g`bc v`muc8 Qf`t tfis `mm philts th is `l cxtrckcmy suotmc iltcrpm`y octwccl hur bhlsbihus tfhuafts `ln tfc `uthk`tib `oimity hg tfc or`il th aclcr`tc rcprcsclt`tihls hg rc`mity. It is, `gtcr `mm, hur bhlsbihus kiln - `ln tfc inc`s `ln f`oit it bhlt`ils - tf`t aivcs kc`lila th tfc pcrbcptihls aclcr`tcn oy tfc or`il. ^fus, tfc Rhpfists (wfh ocmicvcn tf`t rc`mity is brc`tcn oy tfc kiln) wcrc f`mg riaft4 hur inc`s aivc kc`lila th tfc pcrbcptihls aclcr`tcn oy tfc or`il `ln sh il tfis vcry ilnircbt w`y "brc`tc‛ rc`mity. Dust `s tfc or`il wimm aclcr`tc rcprcsclt`tihls hg rc`mity il hur bhlsbihus `w`rclcss il spitc spitc hg wf`t wc tfile tfile `ln ocmicvc (i.c. (i.c. bumturc), bhltr`wisc, wc wimm aivc wf`tcvcr kc`lila wc aivc th hur pcrbcptihls wfctfcr it is "iltrilsib`mmy bhrrcbt" hr lht. ?13
Rh, tfis `mm philts th shkctfila kubf nccpcr tf`l tfc st`ln`rn g`ir hg tr`nitihl`m sbiclbc, pfimhshpfy hr hbbumtisk. Out its lht ` ncptf witf lh prcbcnclbc. @a`il, wc `rc mc`n o`be th tfc kystib`m ilsiafts hg tfc `acs tf`t philt th tr`lsbclnclbc hg tfc kuln`lc `ln tfc nisbhvcry hg ` tr`lsbcncln`m cssclbc ocfiln kcrc `ppc`r`lbcs. Lcxt tikc, wc'mm act ilth tfis thpib shkc khrc `ln mhhe ` mittmc khrc bmhscmy `t tfc g`bthrs tf`t khmn tfc bhltclts hg hur nrc`ks, wfctfcr tfcy oc mubin hr lht. Ghr lhw, tfc t`ec fhkc kcss`ac is tf`t tfc whrmn hg nrc`ks `rc p`ttcrls hg cmcbtribity il hur or`ils, out dust tfc s`kc, sh is tfc w`eila whrmn. Il shkc guturc bhmukl, wc'mm nwcmm hl tfc r`kigib`tihls hg tfcsc inc`s. Sltim lcxt tikc, f`ppy n`y, cvcryohny! Nhl
?17
Lhv. ?::7 0? Yc`r Yc`rss M` M`tcr tcr
Fcy cvcryhlc. It’s occl ` wfimc. I’vc occl ousy witf migc fcrc il tfc pfyspm`lc. pfyspm`lc. Ocila ` prhgcsshr `ln `mm tf`t eiln hg stugg. stugg. Qcmm...I’k stimmpchpmc `k`zcn tf`t NHXHOC is ohhe up `ln eibeila. I stimm actI ck`ims grhk wfh f`vc f`vc ghuln tfc uscgum. Rhkctikcs tfile NHXHOC f`s occl ky khst prhnubtivc bhltrioutihl th Fuk`lity. I’k rc`mmy f`ppy th oc `omc th rcmc`sc tfc ohhe `s ` rc`m OHHE, gil`mmy. Qitf prilt-hl-nck`ln tcbflhmhay, tfis is gil`mmy phssiomc. I k`nc ` vcry vcry kilhr `ln f`mg f`mg fc`rtcn `ttckpt `ttckpt shkc yc`rs `ah th try th act NHXHOC puomisfcn oy ` ”rc`m‛ puomisfcr, out it lcvcr b`kc th p`ss. Lht tf`t I kubf b`rc. I f`vc f`vc `mw`ys `mw`ys rcmisfcn rcmisfcn tf`t NHXHOC is grcc ‒ G_CC th tfc wfhmc whrmn!! Hl ` bcrt`il mcvcm, its ncgilitcmy ncgilitcmy `l cah ohhst. Out hovihusmy, tf`t is lht wf`t f`s nrivcl kc. Lh, I’vc I’vc occl nrivcl nrivcl oy shkctfila cmsc, `ln its tf`t shkctfila cmsc I w`lt th t`me `ohut fcrc. I’k nrivcl oy ` grustr`tihl witf tfc st`tus st`tus quh. N`lc _unfy`r t`ecn `ohut tfis eiln hg tfila il fis ohhes, `ohut tfc ”sccn kcl‛, `ohut tfhsc wfh, ghr ` kimmihl niggcrclt `ln v`rica`tcn rc`shls, `rc nisclgr`lbfiscn, `micl`tcn grhk tfc hrncr hg tfc n`y. ^f`t f`s occl kc th ` m`rac cxtclt. Hf, nhl’t act kc wrhla. I’k lht ilth tfc tfc ”rcocm witfhut witfhut ` b`usc‛ eiln hg tfila. tfila. Hr tfc lccn th oc niggcrclt dust ocb`usc tf`t’s tfc tfila tf`t cvcryohny is nhila. K`yoc th shkc cxtclt tfis eiln hg tfila hpcr`tcn il ky psybfc ?11
wfcl I w`s yhulacr. Out tfcl `a`il, wfh nhcsl’t ah tfrhuaf tfhsc eiln hg pf`scs8 Out `sinc grhk tfhsc eiln hg supcrgibi`m rc`shls, tfc ncsirc f`s pcrsistcn, tfc tfc lccn f`s lht ahlc `w`y. ^fc lccn, tf`t tf`t is, th scc tfis whrmn bf`lac ghr tfc tfc octtcr. ^fc lccn tf`t tf`t is o`scn il `mm ky cxpcriclbcs, out cspcbi`mmy `mm tfc cxpcriclbcs I f`vc f`n witf `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss. I kc`l, g`bc it, ghr tfc v`st oume hg pchpmc hl tfc pm`lct, migc subes. Migc subes rc`mmy o`n. ^fcrc `rc sh k`ly phhr pchpmc witf lhwfcrc th mivc, lh scburity, lh bmc`l w`tcr, whreila tfcir mivcs `w`y, suggcrila suggcrila ` kimmihl niggcrclt niggcrclt mittmc mittmc thrturcs. thrturcs. Out, wfcl yhu mhhe `t fisthry, yhu b`l scc tf`t, HL @WC_@AC, its lht `s o`n `s it uscn th oc. I kc`l, lht `s k`ly pchpmc act phmih `ly khrc. Qc nh f`vc `ltioihtibs lhw. @ rcm`tivcmy sk`mm pcrbclt`ac hg us fuk`ls b`l bhkkulib`tc `rhuln tfc whrmn ilst`ltmy usila tfc Lct. @ln it sccks tf`t `mkhst cvcryhlc, lh k`ttcr fhw phhr, f`s ` bcmm pfhlc lhw`n`ys. Rh, shkcfhw, il shkc w`y tf`t ` mht hg pchpmc sk`rtcr tf`l kc f`vc tricn th pilphilt, tf`t tfcrc is shkc eiln hg prharcss th tfc fuk`l `nvclturc. `nvclturc. @ln wfcl yhu mhhe `t tf`t prharcss, `t mc`st wfcl I mhhe `t tf`t prharcss, it sccks tf`t sbiclbc `ln tcbflhmhay f`vc pm`ycn ` rc`mmy ikphrt`lt rhmc il k`eila pchpmc’s mivcs octtcr. Rh, th kc tfcl, it sccks tf`t fcmpila sbiclbc `mhla, fcmpila it cvhmvc `ln ikprhvc, tf`t tf`t sccks miec ` prctty whrtfwfimc clnc`vhr. ^fc eiln hg tfila wfcrc hlc’s cgghrts whlt whlt oc w`stcn, w`stcn, wfcrc tfcrc is shkc sk`mm bf`lbc hg rc`mmy fcmpila il tfc mhla rul. It dust f`ppcls tf`t I’k ` Rbhrpih. Qfibf, tfc bhmmcac cnub`tcn pcrshl whumn s`y, ”Rh wf`t8 Qf`t’s tf`t aht th nh witf `lytfila8 Qcmm, `lyhlc tf`t elhws `lytfila `ohut tfc Rbhrpih pcrshl`mity typcs elhws tf`t wc `rc `ttr`btcn th tfc n`relcss. Rbhrpihls nh, `gtcr `mm, `mm, mivc ulncr rhbes. rhbes. Out, ghr tfc pcrshl`mity typc hg tfc Rbhrpih, tfis tclnclby ghr ”scceila tfc n`relcss‛ b`l t`ec k`ly ghrks. It k`y oc ` prchbbup`tihl witf witf htfcr pchpmc’s kisghrtulcs. Il ky b`sc, it k`ligcsts `s shkc wcirn bhkpumsihl th bhlst`ltmy ah ocyhln tfc mikits hg kyscmg. I tfile hg it miec tfis. Qf`t I elhw k`ecs tfis tfis rila hg miaft `rhuln kc. Its miec ocila `rhuln ` b`kp girc hr shkctfila, tf`t b`l miaft tfc `rc` `rhuln kc kc ghr ` mikitcn mikitcn nist`lbc. @t tfc cnac hg tf`t nist`lbc, it ocbhkcs n`re., n`re., `ln ocyhln tf`t, dust n`relcss. ^fc ?16
n`relcss is tf`t wfibf wfibf I nhl’t nhl’t elhw. ^f`t ghr wfibf I `k lht `w`rc. @ln I f`vc tfis wcirn bhkpumsihl th `mw`ys oc hut hut `t tf`t rila, riaft `t tfc cnac hg tfc n`relcss, `mw`ys tryila th pusf tfc cnac hg tfc miaft ` mittmc g`tfcr hut, sh tf`t tfc miaft hg wf`t I elhw `mw`ys clbhkp`sscs ` mittmc oit khrc, c`bf tikc I pusf tfc cnac, sh th spc`e. ^f`t is wfy I f`vc cxpcrikcltcn witf `mtcrcn st`tcs hg bhlsbihuslcss. It f`s occl th cxp`ln cxp`ln ky bhlsbihus bhlsbihus `w`rclcss ilth rc`mks tf`t, ghr khst pchpmc, `rc dust n`relcss `ln ulelhwlila. Qfibf mc`ns kc th tfc k`il philt hg tfis, pcrf`ps ky m`st Zm`lc ^`me bhmukl. bhmukl. @ln tf`t is, wf`t ahhn is it ghr yhu hr kc th mc`rl fhw th nh tfis `str`m prhdcbtihl, hr HOC, hr mubin nrc`kila8 I kc`l, wc R^IMM nhl’t elhw wf`t tfis stugg is. is. ^filas f`vcl’t f`vcl’t bf`lacn thh kubf il 0? yc`rs silbc NHXHOC w`s writtcl. writtcl. ^fcrc f`vc occl lh lcw k`dhr nisbhvcrics. nisbhvcrics. Lh lcw `nnitihls th tfc tfchry hg wf`t wc nh. Lh k`dhr orc`etfrhuafs. Hr f`vc tfcrc8 ^fcrc f`s occl hlc. ^fc Iltcrlct. @ln tfc `oimity hg kimmihls hg us th sf`rc inc`s `ln t`me `ln mc`rl grhk c`bf htfcr’s cxpcriclbc. Rccila tfis cxpmhsihl il hur `oimity th BHKKSLIB@^C f`s hpclcn up `l ulcxpcbtcn milc hg tfhuaft ghr kc, `ln I w`lt th try th b`pturc it fcrc, il tfis, tfc ohhe ghrk hg NHXHOC. I aucss tfc inc` is shkctfila miec4 tfilas nhl’t rc`mmy cxist ulmcss tfcy cxist shbi`mmy. shbi`mmy. I kc`l, wc `mm elhw tf`t tf`t is lht mitcr`mmy truc. Ocb`usc tfcl lhlc hg whumn whumn cxist cxist ilshg`r ilshg`r `s hur ikkcni`tc `w`rclcss is ` priv`tc tfila, `ln wc b`l hlmy k`ligcst ilnib`thrs hg hur illcr migc th hur shbi`m clvirhlkclt. Lh, I’k acttila `t shkctfila ` mittmc niggcrclt. niggcrclt. Mct’s t`ec `l cx`kpmc, ocb`usc cx`kpmcs `mw`ys fcmp th gmcsf il ` aclcr`m bhlbcpt. Bhlsincr tfc inc` `ohut fhw it is yhu act sibe. Lhw`n`ys, wc elhw tf`t wfcl wc act ` bhmn hr ` gmu, its ocb`usc ` mittmc, WC_Y mittmc, kibrh-hra`lisk f`s ahttcl ilth hur ohny `ln st`rtcn kumtipmyila tfcrc. @ o`btcri` o`btcri` hr ` virus f`s ilgcbtcn ilgcbtcn us. us. Qc `mm elhw tfis thn`y, cvcr ig wc nhl’t elhw `mm tfc nct`ims miec ` nhbthr nhcs, wc stimm elhw ”I aht ` oua‛. Qcmm, tfis w`y hg mhheila `t ocila sibe is rc`mmy quirc lcw. It’s k`yoc 0:: hr 03: 03: yc`rs hmn. I kc`l, o`be il tfc tfc 063:s (wfibf (wfibf ?19
is `ohut 03: yc`rs `ah, ghr tfhsc hg yhu wfh nhl’t nh k`tf), nhbthrs nin LH^ w`sf tfcir f`lns ocghrc trc`tila p`ticlts! Rh, mct’s nisscbt tfis tfis cx`kpmc ` mittmc mittmc gurtfcr. Qf`t f`n th f`ppcl ghr us `mm lhw`n`ys th `pprcbi`tc wf`t it kc`ls th s`y ”I f`vc ` oua‛, wfcl hlc f`s ` bhmn, w`s tf`t shkchlc shkcwfcrc f`n th NIRBHWC_ tfcsc ”ouas‛. Rhkchlc, k`yoc Mhuis Z`stcur, Z`stcur, f`n th f`vc ` kibrhsbhpc, `ln scc tfcsc mittmc tfilas swikkila `rhuln nhwl tfcrc il ` nrhp hg w`tcr w`tcr hl tfc sminc. @ln tfcl, tfis tfis pcrshl (wfibf il g`bt w`s k`ly nhzcls hg pchpmc sprc`n hut hvcr ncb`ncs) f`n th ncvcmhp ` M@LAS@AC th ncsbrioc tfcsc ”ouas‛. ^fcy `mm f`n th oc aivcl l`kcs, tfcir ocf`vihrs incltigicn, fhw tfcy wcrc `miec hr niggcrclt, tf`t `mm f`n th oc b`t`mhuacn. It w`s dust ` oulbf hg whre tf`t f`n th oc nhlc. @ln sthp `ln tfile ghr ` scbhln. Ocghrc tfis whre bhumn oc nhlc, shkcohny f`n th ilvclt tfc kibrhsbhpc. ^fc vcry ^HHM tf`t `mmhwcn htfcr pchpmc th m`tcr nisbhvcr tfis ikkclsc ilvisiomc whrmn hg vcry vcry mittmc tfilas tf`t, `mtfhuaf tfcy `rc ilvisiomc th us, tfcy b`l EIMM us, `ln tfcy fcmp us u s oc fc`mtfy thh. Rh, yhu lccncn tfc ^HHM (tfc kibrhsbhpc) `ln tfc nisbhvcrics (usila tfc thhm), `ln yhu lccncn ` M@LAS@AC th ncsbrioc tfc tfilas yhu s`w witf tfc thhm. @ln dust `s ikphrt`lt, ikphrt`lt, yhu lccncn ` BHKKSLI^Y hg ZCHZMC, wfh `mm whrecn thactfcr witf tfc thhm, `ln wfh `mm whrecn thactfcr th ncvcmhp tfc m`lau`ac. Rh tf`t, fcrc wc `rc 0::-03: yc`rs m`tcr, `ln `mm tfis whre is nhlc `ln il pm`bc, `ln wc b`l s`y, ”Nhbthr, I f`vc ` oua‛, `ln fc aivc yhu `l `ltioihtib `ln yhu act octtcr. Yhu act octtcr octtcr ocb`usc hur m`lau`ac th ncsbrioc tfcsc ouas is ` prctty ahhn `pprhxik`tihl hg tfc ^_S^F `ohut tfcsc ouas. Rh, ghr yhu oriaft rc`ncrs hut tfcrc, yhu b`l prho`omy scc wfcrc I `k ahila witf tfis. ^fis cx`kpmc immustr`tcs wf`t I kc`l `ohut trutf ocila ocila ` shbi`m rc`mity. It is lht il `ly `oshmutc sclsc, out it trutf is ` shbi`m rc`mity wfcl it bhkcs th acttila tfilas nhlc, wfcl it bhkcs th bf`laila tfilas ghr ghr tfc octtcr. Qfcl it bhkcs th o`sila hur mivcs hl inc`s tf`t khrc `pprhxik`tc tfc trutf. @ln sh tfcl, fcrc’s tfc nc`m. ^fis stugg I tc`bf il tfis mittmc ohhe. @ln its dust lht kc. It w`s w`s Y_@K 0:: yc`rs `ah, `ln Hmivcr Ghx, `ln _hocrt Khlrhc, `ln Hpficm `ln Rbhtt _hah, `ln Rtcpfcl M`ocrac, `ln `mm tfc htfcr f`vc occl th bhltrioutila th tfis `nvclturc. Qf`t wcpchpmc `rc `mmtf`t bhltrioutila is tfis4 tfc ?6:
tcbfliqucs wc tc`bf `rc tfc ^HHMR. ^HHMR. @ln `mm hg us `ppmy tfcsc thhms, `ln wc giln hurscmvcs hurscmvcs RHKCQFC_C RHKCQFC_C CMRC. Qc surcmy `rc lht fcrc il tfis whrmn, wc `rc LH^ il tfis pfyspm`lc. Qfibf mc`ns th tfc lcxt philt, tf`t `mm hg us, kc, tfc pchpmc I dust kcltihlcn, `ln cvcl YHS, ycs YHS, ocb`usc yhu `rc rc`nila tfis, `ln yhu k`y f`vc mc`rlcn fhw th usc tfc ^HHMR thh, `ln t`ec yhur `w`rclcss ilth tfis htfcr pm`bc tf`t tfc thhms `mmhw yhu th t`ec t`ec yhur `w`rclcss. `w`rclcss. Out tfc htfcr tfila wc `rc `mm nhila is wc `rc tryila th k`ec ` M@LAS@AC th ncsbrioc wf`t f`ppcls il tfis htfcr ”pm`bc‛ wc giln hurscmvcs wfcl wc `ppmy tfc ^HHMR. ^f`t is th s`y, wc `rc `mm cko`recn hl `l `nvclturc lht th ulmiec tfhsc pchpmc ` 03:-0:: yc`rs `ah wfh giaurcn hut `ohut tfc ”ouas‛ tf`t k`ec us sibe. Hr fcrc, t`ec `lhtfcr cx`kpmc, hlc tf`t is p`rtibum`rmy iltcrcstila th kc. Yhu elhw, yhu b`l ah hl tfc Qco `ln ouy ` ohhe b`mmcn ^fc Recptb`m Bfykist, oy ` gcmmhw l`kcn _hocrt Ohymc. ^fis ohhe w`s writtcl il tfc 07::s, k`yoc 072:s hr sh (nhl’t oitbf ig I nhl’t f`vc tfc n`tc pcrgcbtmy bhrrcbt!!). @lyw`y, ycs, yhu b`l ouy ` rcprilt hg tfis ohhe. Dust ah Ahhamc it ig yhu nhl’t ocmicvc kc. @lyw`y, I rc`n tfis ohhe scvcr`m yc`rs `ah. Qf`t’s `k`zila `ohut tfis ohhe is tf`t Ohymc w`s hlc hg tfc girst pchpmc th ar`sp tfc bhlbcpt hg ”`thk‛ `s wc usc it thn`y. ^hn`y, cvcry tfc khst ulcnub`tcn pcrshl f`s shkc sclsc, shkc lcoumhus inc`, tf`t `mm tfc tfilas `rhuln us, `rc k`ec hg tfcsc rc`mmy rc`mmy sk`mm tfilas b`mmcn ”@thks‛. Qcmm, yhu elhw wf`t8 >:: hr sh yc`rs `ah, I^ Q@RL’^ MIEC ^FIR. ^FIR. Khst pchpmc pchpmc >:: yc`rs `ah f`n `mm eilns hg wcirn inc`s `ohut wf`t stugg w`s k`nc hg, `ln tfhsc inc`s wcrc LH^ `thks. Khrc miec spirits `ln ahns `ln stugg. @ln Ohymc, hut il fis o`rl, fc k`nc hlc hg , ig lht tfc vcry girst, bfckistry m`ohr`thry m`ohr`thry il tfc whrmn. Ohymc f`n tfc `oimity `oimity th t`ec stugg ‒ miec whhn, hr rhbes, hr miquins ‒ `ln fc bhumn orc`e tfck `p`rt `ln turl turl tfck ilth htfcr typcs hg stugg. @ln grhk nhila tfis, fc s`w tf`t it w`s `mm vcry rcpc`t`omc. ^f`t ig fc nin shkctfila ` bcrt`il w`y hl ` bcrt`il suost`lbc, it `mw`ys a`vc tfc s`kc rcsumt. Miec tfc g`bt tf`t ourlila whhn `mw`ys k`ecs `sfcs. @ln Ohymc st`rtcn th lht hlmy k`ec up ` m`lau`ac, ghr tfc tfilas fc s`w il fis m`o, out fc st`rtcn th tfile `ohut wf`t it `mm kc`lt. @ln it w`s _hocrt _hocrt Ohymc, Ohymc, il shkc w`ys, w`ys, `mkhst `mkhst silamc ?60
f`lncn, wfh s`w s`w tfc ^_S^F ^_S^F `ohut wf`t stugg w`s k`nc hg. hg. @ln thn`y, hur cltirc whrmn is ncrivcn grhk tfis tfileila, grhk fis inc`s. Out try th ik`ailc ig ig yhu mivcn mivcn il Ohymc’s Ohymc’s n`y. R`y, silbc fc w`s Clamisf, tf`t yhu kct fik il ` Zuo. @ln fc st`rtcn tcmmila yhu `ohut tfis m`o hg fis, `ln `mm tfis wcirn cximicr `ln bhlbhbtihls fc w`s k`eila. @ln fc whumn t`me `ln it whumn `mm shuln miec dioocr d`oocr. Ocb`usc yhu lcvcr s`w ` m`o, yhu f`n lh inc` wf`t fc w`s t`meila `ohut. @ln it w`s hlmy `s ` pcrshl fcrc, `ln `lhtfcr pcrshl tfcrc, tf`t whumn t`ec tfc tikc `ln cgghrt th rc`n Ohymc’s whre, `ln t`ec tfc tikc `ln cgghrt th ouimn tfcir hwl m`o, `ln th ghmmhw tfc rcbipcs tf`t Ohymc ncsbriocn, tfc tcbfliqucs `ln sh ghrtf. Out tfcl, smhwcmy out surcmy, khrc `ln khrc pchpmc mc`rlcn tfis m`lau`ac, `ln mc`rlcn mc`rlcn tfc tfc tcbfliqucs. tcbfliqucs. @ln prctty shhl, shhl, tfis tfis `mm bf`lacn grhk dust ocila ` oulbf hg inc`s il _hocrt Ohymc’s kiln, `ln shkc stugg il _hocrt Ohymc’s o`rl, th ocila shkctfila tf`t wc thn`y b`mm ‖bfckistry’. ^fc philt is, yhu lccncn tfc m`o, `ln yhu lccncn tfc NI_CB^ CVZC_ILBC hg nhila stugg il tf`t m`o, th cvcl k`ec sclsc hg tfc tfc m`lau`ac. Out `t shkc philt, ` britib`m k`ss hg pchpmc wcrc ilvhmvcn il tfis bhmmcbtivc ulncrt`eila. @ln `t tf`t philt, bfckistry ocb`kc ”rc`m‛. It w`s ”rc`m‛ ocb`usc it w`s il k`ly ‒ pchpmc’s kilns `t tfc s`kc tikc, `ln it rcprcscltcn ` sf`rcn rc`mity tf`t pchpmc bhumn bhkkulib`tc `ohut, `ln sf`rc lhtcs `ohut, sh th spc`e. HE, nh yhu scc wfcrc I `k ahila witf tfis8 ^hn`y, QC `rc tfc hlc gcw, ahila ilth hur m`o, `ln struaamila th k`ec up ` m`lau`ac th ncsbrioc wf`t wc scc tfcrc. @ln tfc v`st oume hg Fuk`lity f`sl’t tfc smiaftcst inc` hg wf`t wc `rc t`meila `ohut. @ln cvcl wc nh lht lht `arcc `ohut `ohut it, ocb`usc wc stimm nhl’t f`vc ` ahhn m`lau`ac, tfc thhms `rcl’t pcrgcbt. Out wc `rc tryila. ^fis pm`bc wc cltcr wfcl wc ”prhdcbt‛ hr ”mubin nrc`k‛ hr (ghr tfc kimmihltf tikc) wf`tcvcr tfc fcmm wc w`lt th b`mm it. it. ^fis ZM@BC is HS_ m`o. Qc `rc khvila tfrhuaf ` m`o m`o tf`t vcry gcw pchpmc f`vc sccl. `mm hgWC_Y us wfh_c`m. f`vc ^fcrc occl tfcrc, wc `mm elhw, tf`t it isOut WC_Y is shkctfila tfcrc. girst Qc hgg, `rc ?6?
RHKCQFC_C (wc dust nhl’t quitc elhw wfcrc), `ln wc `rc nhila tfilas. Htfcr pchpmc, yhu dust b`lt cxpcbt tfck th ulncrst`ln us ocb`usc ^FCY F@WCL^ O OCCL CCL ^FC_C. ^FC_C. Its miec tfc auy t`meila th Ohymc tf`t lcvcr s`w ` m`ohr`thry ocghrc. ^f`t auys is dust `s mhst `ln bhlguscn `s tfc phhr s`ps wc try th tcmm `ohut hur prhdcbtihl cxpcriclbcs. Rh tfis is wf`t its sh ikphrt`lt tf`t tfc elhwmcnac hg tfc tcbfliqucs th `bficvc ` prhdcbtihl/HOC/MN sprc`n. ^FC KH_C ZCHZMC QC B@L AC^ NHILA ^FIR, ^FC G@R^C_ I^ QIMM OCBHKC ”_C@M‛ @LN PSI^ OCILA RHKC^FILA ^F@^ IR DSR^ ”IL HS_ KILNR‛. I `k tfrhwila nhwl tfc a`ultmct th `mm hg yhu rc`nila tfis. K`yoc yhu `rc mhheila ghr spiritu`m arhwtf, k`yoc yhu `rc mhheila ghr ` bhhm `nvclturc, k`yoc yhu w`lt th oc `l `str`m sbicltist miec I nh. Out tfc philt is4 MC@_L ^H NH I^ @LN ^C@BF H^FC_R FHQ ^H NH I^ ^HH. ^fis is wfcrc it is `t lhw. Qc lccn th act khrc pchpmc nhila tfis stugg. @ln hlc htfcr rc`mmy ikphrt`lt philt4 @WHIN OCBHKILA @ BSM^. @WHIN OCMIWCILA @LY^FILA QI^FHS^ R^_HLA CWINCLBC. CWINCLBC. Nhl’t mct `lyhlc bhlvilbc yhu tf`t prhdcbtila is tf`t hr tf`t hr tfc htfcr tfila. tfila. Zrhdcbtila is lht dust shkc shkc rcmiaihus stugg, `ln it is lht dust hur hur or`il, `ln it is lht dust il hur kilns. Qc f`vc th `vhin ocila nivisivc `khlast hurscmvcs. Qc f`vc th RF@_C HS_ CVZC_ICLBCR. CVZC_ICLBCR. QC F@WC ^H OC HZCL KILNCN `ln MIR^CL ^H C@BF H^FC_. I orila up tfc cx`kpmc hg _hocrt Ohymc ocb`usc, ig yhu tfile `ohut it, ig yhu rc`mmy tfile `ohut it, fis inc`s wcrc khrc ikphrt`lt tf`l tf`l Lcwthls’. Its hlc tfila th elhw fhw tfc pm`lcts khvc. Its `lhtfcr tfila tfila th k`ec a`shmilc `ln `ln skcmt kct`m `ln k`ec b`rs `ln clailcs `ln seysbr`pcrs. Hg bhrusc tfcy wcrc ohtf ikphrt`lt, out Ohymc5’s inc`s wcrc sh kubf khrc Z_@B^IB@M. @ln ig tfcrc is `lytfila I `nvhb`tc, it is ocila pr`btib`m. Rh, QC, @MM HG SR ^HAC^FC_, wc `rc tfc lcw _hocrt Ohymcs hg tfc whrmn. Ocb`usc, wfcl yhu tfile `ohut it, wf`t is khrc pr`btib`m tf`l ulncrst`lnila fhw hur kilns whre8 ?62
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