Dick Sutphen How to Fix Everything in Your Life at Once

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Increase Energy High energy is important to all self change. To begin, you must have enough energy to care about making a change. Those who are always tired, lethargic or depressed seldom have the energy or focus to act in their own behalf, which is essential to creating your own reality. So energy is the logical place to begin a book about fixing your life. Although we are all born with different energy levels, there are steps you can take to assure that you are maximizing your energy potentials. As the following 24 points will show, high energy results from factors we can avoid, dietary and supplement choices we make, and lifestyle decisions about exercise and the way we spend our time. The first six energy-increasing tips explore the primary energy robbers.

1. Avoid Lactic-Acid Buildup Most career work takes a far heavier tension toll than people realize. Beginning with your face, neck, shoulders and back, your muscles tense in response to your workday body positions. Not only does the stress of your daily routine cause you to constantly burn energy, it often settles in your upper body, activating muscle fibers you aren’t even aware of. Muscle tension generates a buildup of lactic acid, causing you to feel weary. Exercise combined with fluid intake can help you quickly rebalance and energize yourself. I’ll discuss more on this later.

2. Avoid Glycogen Loss Glycogen is the reserve supply of your natural blood sugar which is stored in your liver and muscles. Blood sugar is ideally derived from complex carbohydrates such as grains, vegetables, fruits, cereals, and potatoes. Simple carbohydrates such as candy, soda, pies and cakes will raise your blood sugar level rapidly and then rob you of energy when it drops two or three hours later. The same is true of caffeine in coffee or colas. When your blood sugar drops, your reserves are reduced. High-protein, low carbohydrate diets also perpetuate glycogen loss. And when your muscles and brain do not receive enough of this vital blood sugar, you become fatigued. Dietary changes are obviously advantageous to maintain high energy.

3. Avoid Oxygen Loss When you exert extensive mental energy for long periods, you often breath too shallow. Upon falling into this undesirable breathing pattern, you will lose your mental edge and ability to maintain concentration and alertness. Exercise or do some diaphragm breathing to pull out of it. Take a very deep breath and hold the breath as long as you comfortably can. Then breathe out slowly through slightly parted lips. When you think the breath is all the way out, contract your stomach muscles and force it

even further out. Then repeat the process. Several minutes of this deep breathing will generate deep relaxation. In the future, remember to B-R-E-A-T-H-E!

4. Avoid Minor Dehydration You don’t begin to experience thirst until dehydration has already begun. The natural result of even minor dehydration is lethargy and/or muscular discomfort. In addition to filling yourself with fluids, a snack high in potassium is ideal. Potassium fruits include bananas, oranges and melons.

5. Resolve Stress & Tension Stress not only robs you of energy, it is also implicated in many serious health problems. To learn how to unstress, you have to understand how you wound up stressed in the first place. One of the newest findings shows that the daily hassles of life may have a greater stress effect than the larger misfortunes of life. Examples would be interruptions, losing or misplacing things, too much to do and not enough time to do it properly, money worries, feeling lonely, pressure to perform well, and office politics. Your personality indicates how you react to life’s stresses. Although no one is a total type “A” or type “B” personality, most people are inclined toward type A behavior, which tends to be excitable, competitive and goal-oriented. As a result, the moment we encounter a tension-producing situation, our body chemically prepares to fight or flee. Your adrenal cortex secrets hormones, which in turn tighten you up like a spring. Your blood pressure rises and blood sugar is released for energy. Extra oxygen is delivered to your organs so you can use them in fighting off the danger. Clotting agents are increased in your blood in case you are wounded in the fight. Cholesterol and other fats are released to serve as a reserve energy supply. Many other biological changes also take place, all of which will remain ready for action for the next two or three hours. But you don’t fight and you don’t flee. So this Stone Age internal reaction, originally meant to protect you, ends up endangering your health. So what can you do? Either resolve the conflicts in your life, or learn to live with them. To do either successfully, you will have to change some viewpoints and behaviors that are an integral part of your personality. The best place to begin is, 1) an exploration of your stress buttons, and 2) the acceptance of what cannot be changed. Next, be aware that diet and exercise can greatly reduce your stress levels. (See the “Reduce Stress” chapter.)

6. Diet Can Increase Energy When you need to be particularly alert, eat high-protein foods such as fish, chicken, low-fat diary products and beans. When you want to relax, eat carbohydrates. The reason is, different brain chemicals are active when you are alert than when you are relaxed. Proteins contain energizing chemicals, while carbohydrates, through a complex metabolic pathway, allows more tryptophan—a protein component that enhances relaxation—to reach the brain.

7. Act Vigorous! Long hours spent at your occupation or activities will cause fatigue, which is usually noticed as a loss of focus. In most cases, instead of physical rest, your brain needs

physical stimulation to rejuvenate itself. And the best way to quickly increase energy may be to act vigorous. The new psychotherapies claim behavior wags the tail of feelings. In other words, you don’t have to change your thinking to change your life, if you are willing to change what you are doing. Act vigorous and you’ll soon begin to feel vigorous.

8. Supplements Can Increase Energy A nutritionist, whose office is near Arizona State University, is often asked by students for advice to increase their energy during final exams. His suggestion: take 500 mg. of niacinamide—vitamin B3 (buffered niacin). And take it about 25 minutes before the test. This will open the deep-level blood vessels in the brain, and as result you will be mentally alert and energized for up to an hour. Niacin is not recommended, because it opens all the surface-level blood vessels, resulting in a distracting flush. To generate about four hours of high energy, the nutritionist suggests two tablespoons of honey and two 400 IUs of vitamin E, plus a few minutes of exercise or stretching. The honey is a natural sugar. The E extends the oxygen in your body and the exercise pumps it all into your system. Do not use the E and honey if you’ve been drinking the night before, because it can act in reverse—as a downer.

9. Do What You Love When you are doing what your really love to do, your energy always increases. We are all fragmented personalities. One part of us wants to one thing and another part wants to do something else. And often these subpersonalities are not at peace with each other. Usually they are involved in a struggle for dominance, and the internal conflict robs us of energy. But there is a time when there is never any conflict; when we are experiencing real joy. So, to integrate yourself, do only what you enjoy. What would happen if, no matter what it was, if you didn’t enjoy it, you didn’t do it? Delegate what you don’t enjoy to someone else, or hire someone else to do it. Maybe all your increased energy will allow you to make the extra money to hire help. How are you responding to this idea? If you are saying to yourself, “What a dumb idea,” you are limiting your options and you probably limit all your options in life.

10. Skip the Nap. Don’t take a nap or go into meditation to increase your energy. Such remedies may reduce stress, but they won’t increase energy. Instead, you need to generate blood sugar, increase your fluid and potassium levels, reduce your lactic acid and supercharge your brain cells. In addition to breathing deeply, take an exercise break. Do ten minutes of active stretching, calisthenics, jumping jacks, walking, or jogging. By combining exercise with the previously stated ideas, increased energy is guaranteed. Even if you are stuck in an office building, you can walk up and down the stairs for ten minutes.

11. Eat Many Small Meals. Eat many small meals during the day. Nibble on light nutritious foods such as nuts, fruits, non-sugar yogurt, raw vegetables and salad. This helps some people keep their

blood sugar balanced. The idea of three square meals a day is not based upon dietary wisdom, but was established to accommodate workers in an industrial age. If you eat a series of mini-meals, each meal doesn’t need to be balanced, but the total meals should fulfill a nutritional balance. The idea is to spread out the same amount as you would eat in three meals. Eating mini-meals also keeps you from overeating at any one meal, which usually results in an energy slump. The concept of five to seven mini-meals is also suggested as a way to lose weight.

12. Check For An Iron Deficiency Doctors report that many low-energy patient have an iron deficiency. What is considered a medically sufficient level of iron is often not sufficient for optimum health. Your nutritionist can best advise you. And he may want to check colon transit time, before prescribing a way to balance your needs. He will surely advise drinking more water and eating more fiber. Stomach stretching exercises might be in order as well as the suggestion of additional magnesium and potassium. Symptoms of iron deficiency include anemia, weakness and fatigue, dizziness, irritability, brittle nails with vertical ridges, pallor, gas, nausea after meals, itching, constipation or diarrhea, hair loss, heart palpitations, poor attention span, and recurrent illnesses. If you decide to use vitamin supplements, use only organic iron called hydrolyzed-protein chelate. Avoid synthetic iron, which is ferrous sulfate. Never take iron if you have an infection, because it can feed the bacteria. Take vitamin E and zinc at least eight hours apart from iron. And there is much more to know about taking iron supplements, thus the need to check with a nutritionist.

13. Develop A Daily Exercise Lifestyle Develop a lifestyle including daily exercise. If your body is sedentary, it must work much harder. Without regular exercise, your heart and lungs are less efficient, which means poor circulation restricts the amount of needed oxygen sent to your body tissues. Not only does your body burn fewer calories, adding pounds, you also lose energy. Exercise reverses this cycle—especially aerobic exercise such as fast walking, jogging, or an exercise class. The idea is to make exercise part of your lifestyle—part of your daily life.

14. Avoid Energy Vampires Negative people and those with hyper personalities can literally drain your energy. You might feel there is no way to avoid such people in your life. But it’s your life and you have the right to spend your time as you desire. You either spend time or waste it. Spending time means you use it in positive ways that serve you. Wasting time means just that—spending it with people you don’t want to see, or doing busy work that serves no purpose. Remember, birds of feather flock together. If you want to be happy, successful and filled with energy, surround yourself with happy, successful, highenergy people.

15. Make Major Dietary-Lifestyle Changes

An excess of foods containing sugar and refined white flour will eventually rob you of your health and energy. Replace red meat with fish, chicken and turkey, and only buy meats that are hormone free and contain no nitrates. Both are believed to cause cancer. Eat more vegetables, fruits and 100-percent whole-grain bread, cereal and pasta products. And it goes without saying that you will be wise to stop smoking and eliminate most alcohol.

16. Start Your Day With Sex Consider starting your day with sex. Instead of waiting until you are tired at night, what about early morning sex to get your day off to an energized start? Regardless of when you make love, the idea is to always make time for your lover, even if it means dropping some responsibilities, reordering priorities, or hiring someone else to do some of your chores. Sexual frustration distracts you and distractions drain energy.

17. Investigate Food Allergies Not only are food allergies responsible for weight gain and the inability to lose weight, they can also rob you of energy. A medical test is the best way to find out if you fit into this category, but the “Coco-Pulse Test” is a way to self-check your own response to food. If you have a dramatic rise in heartbeat following food ingestion, it is likely that it is caused by food sensitivity. You need to be familiar with your normal pulse, and how to take it. First thing in the morning, count your pulse for six seconds and then multiply by ten. This is your resting pulse. Then check your pulse 30 and 60 minutes after the meal. If it is 20 beats or higher than normal, you may be having an allergic reaction to what you ate. Begin keeping a record of what you eat and your reactions. And while you are checking your general health for energy robbers, there are three very common conditions that top the list. 1) Thyroid imbalance, 2) Candida—the yeast condition, and 3) Hypoglycemia—low-blood sugar. Fatigue is a common symptom of all three.

18. Consider Your Vitamin Intake There are a number of nutrient problems that can rob you of energy, but one of the most common is not enough of the B vitamins, which are absolutely essential for optimum energy. Cooking and food processing destroy B vitamins and stress rapidly uses them up. So consider daily supplementing of the entire B complex. It may also serve you take B15, which is used by many athletes. It is sold in health food stores, but be sure to get pure DMG. Some studies have shown that megadoses of vitamin C help prevent exhaustion. Take Ester-C to avoid stomach irritation. Tiredness can also result from a lack of the essential minerals, and calcium has been shown to increase stamina. Zinc is also involved in muscle performance and resistance to fatigue. Again, your doctor can offer dosage advice, or your health-food store can provide reading materials for recommendations.

19. Fear-Based Emotions Drain Energy

Energy is drained by fear-based emotions such as anger, hate, guilt, jealousy, repression, greed, envy, insecurity, resentment, blame and the list goes on and on. The fears can be resolved through therapy or human-potential awareness. They won’t go away until you face them and act.

20. Lose Weight Lose weight if necessary to bring yourself into physical balance and restore your energy level. (See the chapter on Weight Loss.)

21. Cut Down or Cut Out TV Excess TV viewing robs you of energy in numerous ways, the least being eyestrain, which generates fatigue. Instead of observing life on the tube, get up, get out, and get involved in life.

22. Deal With Compulsive Thoughts Compulsive thoughts can be very subtle energy robbers. If you’re bothered by fearful or compulsive thoughts, and you can’t put them out of your mind, write them down. Organize them into clear statements. Then organize a plan to deal with each one. If the problem is real, there is a real solution, which you are capable of finding. If the thoughts relate to ungrounded fears, you may want to explore the concept of thought stopping. Every thought programs your subconscious mind. Positive begets positive, negative begets negative. So always notice compulsive thoughts immediately and say these words to yourself, “Success Opportunity.” Then replace the negative thought with a positive one. As an example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’ll never get ahead with all these bills and responsibilities.” Stop, and silently in your mind, say, “Success Opportunity.” Then say to yourself, “Every day I move a little closer to financial independence.” Next visualize yourself having what you want as if you already had it. This technique assures positive instead of negative subconscious programming. The positive thinking alone will give you more energy.

23. Balance the Four Kinds of Energy There are four different kinds of energy: mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. A balance is needed between the four. Lack of balance in one area can rob you of energy in the other three. You know there is a great difference between being physically tired and being mentally tired. You also know that being emotionally drained is an altogether different experience. You may experience the importance of spiritual energy as it relates to your purpose in life. Contemplate each of these four areas to see if you are in balance. And if not, what can you do to attain a balance? Answers to life’s problems are not difficult when you stop hiding from the questions.

24. Use self-hypnosis. Daily use of self-change hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of increased physical energy. The final chapter tells you how.

Increase Energy Summary 1. Avoid lactic-acid buildup with fluid and exercise. 2. Avoid glycogen loss with blood-sugar balance. 3. Avoid oxygen loss by breathing deeply. 4. Avoid minor dehydration by drinking lots of water. 5. Resolve stress and tension. 6. The proper diet can increase energy. 7. Act vigorous to feel vigorous. 8. Supplements can increase energy. 9. Do what you love. 10. Skip the nap. 11. Eat many small meals. 12. Check for an iron deficiency. 13. Develop a daily-exercise lifestyle. 14. Avoid energy-vampire people. 15. Make major dietary-lifestyle changes. 16. Start your day with sex. 17. Investigate food allergies. 18. The B-vitamins are of special value. 19. Fear-based emotions drain energy. 20. Lose weight. 21. Cut down or cut out TV. 22. Deal with compulsive thoughts. 23. Balance the four kinds of energy. 24. Use self-hypnosis. ________________________________________________________________________

· Affirmations · The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “I awaken each morning enthusiastic about my day.” “Every day I take time to stretch and exercise.” “I always drink enough fluids to avoid becoming thirsty.” “Nutritious healthy food now becomes my lifestyle.” “When I want to be vigorous, I act vigorous.” “Joy is always my best option.” “I remember to breathe deeply.” “I seek to associate with positive, happy, successful people.“ “I handle compulsive thoughts with positive programming.” “I view everything that happens as an opportunity.”

“I project high energy and enthusiasm into everything I do.” “I am filled with energy.” “I am excited and enthusiastic about my life.” “I awaken each morning enthusiastic about my day.”

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Boost Your Brain Power Within every normal human brain resides the potential for genius, waiting only for its owner to discover and use it. However, we use only two to three percent of our brain’s total capacity. Even the most generous estimate suggests that we use up to ten percent. Think of what a two or three-percent increase might mean for you.

1. Your Brain Is Elastic Your brain is elastic and it will continue to grow as long as it is challenged and stimulated. Like other parts of the body, if the brain is not stimulated, it atrophies. The greater the exposure to an environment that makes you use your brain, the more efficient and sharper your mind will become. Scientists report brain growth even in very old rats when their environments were enriched with objects the rats could explore, and when the objects were periodically exchanged for new objects. This was true even for rats who had lived in boring environments most of their lives before being transferred to more stimulating conditions. The brains showed increased thickness in the outer layers of the cerebral cortex, representing an increase in dendrites, and they exhibited increased learning skills.

2. Keep Your Mind Limber With Mental Activities Good activities to keep your mind limber and agile include language abilities—learn a new one or brush up on the language you are fluent in. Reading is particularly valuable for sharpening visualization and imagination skills. Consider problem-solving games, such as puzzles, Scrabble® and interactive computer games. Hobbies that focus your spatial skills by manipulating three-dimensional objects, include activities such as model building, sculpting, painting, or anything enhancing your adaptability to change can be included in an effective program of mental rejuvenation.

3. Keep Your Brain Fit By Keeping Your Body Fit Even moderate physical activity is accompanied by positive electrical and chemical changes in the brain, including increased levels of neurotransmitters and endorphins, which are natural body opiates. Studies measuring mental function after a ten-week program of jogging, calisthenics and other physical recreation showed significant improvements in intelligence, speed or

performance, learning, and brain function, as well as decreased depression and lowered anxiety. Memory, attention span and motivation are also positively affected by exercise.

4. Aerobic Exercise Offers An Instant Mental Lift Aerobic exercise does more than shape and condition your body. A 20-to-30-minute aerobic workout produces an almost instantaneous mental life as well. Why? It oxygenates the bloodstream. Enabling the body to better transport oxygen to all its organs. Like other organs, the brain relies on the blood to provide oxygen and nutrients while carrying away carbon dioxide and other waste products. The brain uses oxygen to oxidize glucose in the production of electrical energy, speeding up the nerve impulses between brain cells. Shallow breathing and clogged arteries leave the brain gasping for air. Build a better brain while using aerobic exercise to build a beautiful body.

5. Eat Iron-Rich Foods If you aren’t getting enough iron in your diet, you need to increase the iron for the same reason you increase your aerobic activities. Iron-poor blood impairs the production and function of hemoglobin, an oxygen-transporting, protein giving blood its rich red color. At high risk for low iron levels are women between 18 and 44, dieters and the elderly who eat less food, and vegetarians, because iron is most plentiful in meats and fish. Food sources rich in iron include, lima beans, soybeans, sunflower seeds, spinach, and broccoli. Iron absorption can be blocked by antacids, tea, phosphate additives, some medications, and the preservative EDTA. Iron is heavily concentrated in the reticular activating system, which turns the brain on and maintains alertness. Iron is an important component of several neurotransmitters, including serotonin, dopamine and noradrenline. The proper levels of iron can improve verbal fluency, sustain attention and increase vigor.

6. Properly Align Your Body Stand up straight, head back and chin tucked in. You will not only look and feel better, you will think better too. Hunched-over posture pinches arteries connecting the spinal column to the brain, decreasing blood flow to the brain. This results in fuzzy thinking and forgetfulness. In time, these disturbances can cause an accumulation of fatty deposits resulting in brief blackouts similar to stroke symptoms.

7. Avoid Negative Thinking If you believe that your brain has the capability to accomplish feats above and beyond perceived limits, you greatly increase your odds of doing just that.

8. Keep Your Mind Like Calm Water Your brain performs best when you are calm and relaxed. Although your brain can occasionally perform incredible feats while under great pressure, on-going tension,

turmoil and anxiety decrease thinking ability. It may seem difficult to deliberately force yourself not to worry, but worry is directly related to physical tension. Ease the tension and your mind will follow. Soothing music, deep breathing, meditation, yoga, and progressive relaxation training are useful to achieve a calm emotional state and reduce mental clutter.

9. Take The Proper Vitamins Vitamins play a key role in brain performance and the brain seems to have a special need for the B-vitamins. Lowered levels of vitamin B1 causes short-term memory problems, lack of coordination, and feelings of lassitude. Thiamine is needed to produce and use the brain’s major chemical messengers. A lack of niacin, which is vitamin B3, can cause depression, emotional instability and loss of recent memory. Vitamin B6 is essential in the synthesis of GABA, a neurotransmitter that acts as a natural tranquilizer. Vitamin B6 is involved in the production of dopamine and serotonin. B6 deficiency is associated with depression. B12 deficiencies are linked with poor memory, inability to concentrate and decreased abstract thinking skills, as well as more severe mental effects such as psychosis, severe memory loss and confusion. A deficiency can cause brain and spinal-cord degeneration and is linked with impaired production of brain messages. Folic acid is found in leafy greens. A deficiency causes irritability and forgetfulness. With B12, folic acid plays a large role in the brain’s production of acetylcholine—a memory-function neurotransmitter. Because the B-complex vitamins are chemically related and may perform similar functions in the brain, a lack of one B-vitamin adversely affects optimal absorption and utilization of the others.

10. Eat Brain Foods Brain foods, such as fish, liver and eggs, supply lecithin and choline, nutrients that maintain and enhance the brain’s ability to reason, learn and remember. These Bcomplex nutrients have very specific brain effects not covered above. If you are concerned about cholesterol levels, other good sources of lecithin and choline are cabbage, cauliflower and soybeans. In an aging brain, cell membranes become rigid with fatty deposits and lose the ability to absorb and release brain chemicals and relay messages. This results in memory loss and confused thinking. Cells also lose electrical-impulse-carrying receptors necessary for information processing. A diet rich in lecithin and choline can retard age symptoms by stopping or delaying membrane hardening. Choline also contributes to optimal brain performance by increasing the rate of the brain’s metabolism. It maintains the structural integrity of the synapses, which are the points of communication between brain cells. And it is the substance from which the brain makes acetylcholine. Choline and lecithin are also available as supplements at any health food store.

11. Trace Minerals Are Important Trace minerals essential for powerful brain function include magnesium, zinc and manganese. Magnesium functions as a natural tranquilizer. A lack of magnesium results

in extreme nervousness and irritability. A high level of zinc has been shown to have a significant relationship to high academic grades in many recent studies of brain function. Zinc deficiency can cause mental lethargy and apathy. And manganese functions synergistically with the B vitamins to nourish the nerves and brain, aiding in the transmission of neural messages.

12. When You Eat Is Important You can regulate your brain’s performance not only by what you eat, but when you eat it. Post-meal drowsiness is caused by serotonin, a neurotransmitter that the brain synthesizes from the amino acid tryptophan. A high-carbohydrate meal causes the pancreas to secrete insulin, a hormone that encourages the muscles to pick up amino acids from the blood. More tryptophan enters the brain, which then produces more serotonin. Serotonin inhibits the electrical transmission between neurons and induces sleep, which is fine when you want to feel drowsy, relaxed and ready for bed. But if you want your neurons firing on all cylinders, keep carbohydrate intake at breakfast and lunch to a minimum. Protein helps keep the brain alert. Good sources of protein for breakfast and midday pick-ups are yogurt, cottage cheese, nuts and tofu, as well as obvious sources, such as meat, milk, eggs and cheese.

13. Sound Sleep Is Important Sound sleep is a key factor in increasing brain performance. During sleep, the brain goes through a series of psychological processes restoring both body and mind. Chronic loss of sleep or otherwise disturbed sleep patterns affects mental clarity, decision making and attentiveness. A program of regular exercise can help you sleep better at night and may even reduce the amount of sleep you need, but avoid vigorous exercise just before bed as it over stimulates the body. Practice stress-releasing behaviors during the day: meditation, recreational reading or other relaxing mental outlets you enjoy. If you suffer from insomnia, avoid afternoon or early evening naps. Replace the after-dinner cup of coffee or caffeinated soda with decaffeinated coffee, soda or herbal tea. Alcohol drinks will upset rhythmic sleep patterns. Carbohydrates, starchy or sweet foods eaten at the evening meal will produce more serotonin, leading to the relaxed, drowsy feeling appropriate for a good night’s sleep. Perhaps most important, establish and maintain a regular bedtime routine. Studies show that animals whose sleep schedule is frequently shifted have a 25 percent shorter lifespan.

14. Your Temperature Corresponds To Your Mental Alertness The warmer you are, the sharper your mind. Your internal body clock attunes to the daily pattern of darkness and light, affecting heart and respiration rate, blood pressure and body temperature. Generally, body temperatures are highest in the late afternoon and lowest before dawn, although individual temperature peaks can vary. Monitor your temperature over a period of four or five days to discover your own body-heat pattern. Use an oral thermometer and take your temperature every hour during the waking day. Avoid having a drink for 30 minutes before taking a measurement as the temperature of

the drink will affect the thermometer. You’ll see a pattern of peaks and dips corresponding to your mental performance pattern. Once you identify your personal peak times, you can take full advantage of them.

15. Avoid Loud Environments Loud surroundings stress both body and mind. Loud noise acts as a danger signal, causing the body to release adrenaline into the bloodstream, elevating blood pressure, increasing breathing and heart rate and affecting attention, memory and recall. If you can’t stop or avoid the noise, use earplugs or headphones to block the sound, or mask it with white noise, soothing music or environmental sounds.

16. Light Affects Behavior Light stimulates the pineal gland, which regulates melatonin, a blood hormone. If we are to feel energetic and perform at our best, our bodies need to be exposed to natural, full-spectrum light. Mood and performance suffer when light levels are irregular or too little. Make a special effort to attain more exposure to natural light if you work in a windowless office, or live in the far north, or in a area of endlessly overcast days. This is especially important during winter when the days are shorter. Without biological cues, which regulate your internal clock, eating and sleeping patterns are thrown off, as well as hormonal and neurotransmitter release in the brain.

17. Ion Ratio Affects Your Brain Brain efficiency is affected by the ratio of positive to negative ions in the air. People feel better and are more productive when exposed to higher levels of negative ions. The negative ions lower the levels of serotonin in the brain, thus relieving depression and sleepiness. Negative ions are maximized at the sea shore, or outdoors in the woods. Any outdoor grass-and-trees environment will increase negative ions. Splashing water in a shower also generates negative ions, so if you feel a lot better in the shower, you may be especially ion sensitive. Negative ions are minimized in an enclosed office environment. If you work in such a place, consider purchasing an ion generator. It is guaranteed to increase alertness.

18. Allergies Affect Brain Function Allergies can be responsible for mental fatigue, tension, dizziness, confusion, memory loss, and poor concentration. One person in three is allergic to something in their environment. If you are allergy prone, you may have difficulty breathing, or you may suffer from puffy eyes or dark circles under the eyes, red puffy ear lobes, scaly red patches on the cheeks, continual nasal drip. Jekyll and Hyde personality changes can also be generated by allergies. The first step is to identify the substance responsible, then remove it from your environment or take steps to adapt to it.

19. Improve Your Concentration Absent-mindedness can be hazardous. Meditation and biofeedback are especially useful tools in learning to concentrate. Cluttered surroundings can lead to a cluttered

mind and decrease productivity and efficiency. Learn to organize your surroundings. Consider taking a course in organizing skills at a local college.

20. Creativity Can Be Developed Creativity is not an inborn trait; like memory or concentration, it is a mental capacity that can be developed. The main elements of creativity are inspiration and perseverance. Inspiration isn’t a thunderbolt from the blue; each of us has moments of inspiration throughout the day. What turns inspiration into creativity is perseverance. Creativity requires time, patience, concentration, and hard work. To stimulate creativity, practice the following steps. First, unfocus your thoughts and don’t worry about being logical. Next, take a few minutes to perform a complete body/mind relaxation. Then, follow with at least 20 to 30 minutes of conscious imagery. Creativity involves exploring the unknown, combining thoughts and ideas in new ways.

21. Learn to Think Laterally Lateral thinking is a matter of looking at things differently. Wide-focus your attention rather than narrowing it to small details. Don’t be afraid to speculate. If you are having a problem that is hard to verbalize, switch to a visual or abstract thinking mode. The ability to verbalize the problem is centered in the left brain while visualization is in the right brain. Be receptive and uncritical of thoughts and ideas springing up in your mind.

22. Stress Is Enemy #1 The brain’s number one enemy is stress. Stress produces anxiety and worry, narrowing your focus of attention so important cues and perceptions are missed. Effective stress-reducing strategies are yoga, meditation, relaxation, and any other activity that enables you to stay calm and worry free. (See the Reduce Stress chapter.)

23. Use self-hypnosis Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of boosting your brain power. The final chapter tells you how.

Boost Your Brain Power Summary 1. Your brain is elastic and will continue to grow as long as it is challenged and stimulated. 2. Keep your mind limber with mental activities. 3. Keep your brain fit by keeping your body fit. 4. Aerobic exercise offers an instant mental life. 5. Eat iron-rich foods. 6. Properly align your body posture. 7. Avoid negative thinking. 8. Keep your mind like calm water. 9. Take the proper vitamins. 10. Eat brain foods.

11. Trace minerals are important. 12. When you eat is important. 13. Sound sleep is important. 14. Your body-heat patterns correspond to your mental alertness. 15. Avoid loud environments. 16. Light affects behavior. 17. Ion ratios affect your brain. 18. Allergies affect brain function. 19. Improve your concentration to boost your brain power. 20 Creativity can be developed. 21. Learn to think laterally. 22. Stress is enemy #1. 23. Use self-hypnosis ________________________________________________________________________

• Affirmations • The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “Every day in every way my brain power increases.” “My visualization and imagination skills get better by the day.” “I regularly challenge and stimulate myself.” “I keep my mind busy with imagination and spatial challenges.” “I establish and sustain an effective program of mental rejuvenation.” “Exercise and physical activity increases my intelligence and performance.” “I eat a balanced diet.” “I practice proper posture and feel better as a result.” “I keep my mind like calm water.” “I think clearly and act quickly and decisively.” “I sleep soundly and awaken rejuvenated and ready to begin a new day.” “I have the power and ability to focus my concentration at will.” “I remain alert and focused upon what I am doing.” “I now learn to think laterally.” “I avoid or immediately resolve stressful situations.”

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Enhance Self-Esteem You create your reality with your beliefs, and it doesn’t even matter if your beliefs are true. If you believe something, it becomes true for you. Negative beliefs about selfesteem, body image, career, and romance will become true just as a positive belief will also become true. What you call reality is what you’ve agreed reality to be for you. And you can change it. Self-esteem results from what you do in life. If you feel good about the way you relate to others, and about your accomplishments, you already have high self-esteem. The same is true in reverse. If you are not getting what you want, it’s time to work on your self-esteem. From this day forward, never do anything that lowers your self-esteem. Changing your self-image takes time. But once you’ve set it down as a clear goal you’re on your way and you can do it. The idea is to have patience and know that you’ll get where you want to be.

1. Always be honest about who you are, and what you feel. The first bit of advice on self-esteem is to be direct and honest in your communications with other people. Don’t lie, and don’t fake what you really feel, because in the long run it won’t serve you. If your neighbor wants to borrow your lawn mower and you don’t want to loan it to him, don’t say yes and then chastise yourself for not having the guts to say no. In relationships with others, don’t pretend to care when you don’t. Don’t spend time with people you don’t like. Don’t pretend to accept liberal ideas to win acceptance if you’re really a conservative. It’s little things like this that add up to low self-esteem. Learn assertiveness training which teaches you simple techniques to stand up for your basic human rights without feeling guilty. To be less than honest in your communications with others means you repress your real feelings. Human potential trainers know there are three ways to generate change in a human being: 1) add something: people, things, environment, awareness or challenge; 2) take something away: people, things, environment, programming or challenge; 3) get the person to be themselves. This is transcendental change—when an individual removes his pretenses of fear and expands himself. This is a giant step toward high selfesteem. Take the time to think about any lies you are currently living. Don’t judge yourself as you explore each area; the idea is to attain awareness, not evoke guilt. When you are done, fantasize yourself telling a close friend about the lies, and imagine your friend’s reaction. Maybe your reasons for wearing a mask are not valid anymore.

2. Value being more than belonging. This means to value what is right and true for you, more than what other people think. This can take courage. Courage is a key word when you’re talking about high selfesteem. Courage is the willingness to be afraid and to act anyway. Courageous people are a minority, as are those with high self-esteem. But their relationships are superior to those of people with low self-esteem. People with high self-esteem are not necessarily well liked, because they are more independent, and usually outspoken. They express who they are and what they believe, regardless of what others think. This is often intimidating to those whose esteem binds them to convention. Remember, for the person with high self-esteem—being is more important than belonging.

3. Don’t take negative input personally. If you are criticized, or someone says something negative to you, don’t take it as an attack on your self-worth. The idea is to begin transforming the way you experience your life. Realize that what someone else says or does, short of physical violence, does not affect you. Only what you think about what they say or do affects you. From this moment on, realize that other people see you through a veil of opinions and conclusions comprising their viewpoint—a viewpoint based upon all their past experiences. The way they react to you, they would react to anyone who represented to them what you represent. So there is nothing personal in it. Don’t allow someone else’s lack of balance to cause a problem in you. You also need to realize that you see people the same way—through your own viewpoint which may not accurately reflect the way things really are. Be more compassionate towards yourself. You’re probably good at showing compassion to others. You forgive their shortcomings, but can’t forgive your own. Think about showing the same compassion to yourself as you show to others.

4. Don’t compare yourself to others. A hierarchical viewpoint is always self-defeating. You are who you are and it isn’t a valid comparison to judge yourself against someone else. Ostentatious displays of expensive possessions usually indicate someone is lacking in self-esteem. They need these trappings of wealth to impress you and hide their insecurity. The same is true of the attention-seekers. Only those people who have high self-esteem are secure enough to project a modest and reserved image to others. Choosing a role model to emulate is entirely different than basing your self-esteem upon how you stack up against someone else. You can stop this practice by catching yourself and using this thought-stopping technique: always notice self-defeating thoughts immediately, and say these two trigger words to yourself, “Success Opportunity.” Then replace the negative thought with a positive one. As an example, if you catch yourself thinking “I’ll never be the top salesperson in this company,” stop, and silently in your mind say, “Success Opportunity.” Then, say to yourself, “Every day I improve my sales techniques and every day I move closer to the top position.” Then, visualize yourself having already accomplished your goal. This technique assures positive instead of negative subconscious programming.

5. Clarify your goals. Do you really want to establish high self-esteem or is it something you think you should do, or something that sounds good? Change takes time and energy and commitment! If you really want high self-esteem you’ll take the ideas in this book and really begin to do something with them. After years of working with people in seminars, I’ve seen a pattern of people using a position of poor self-esteem as a way to control others. They are so helpless, or so unconfident, that others must step forward and handle things for them. Thus there is a negative payoff in remaining in their current position. If by chance you are one of those allowing others to do it for you, you need to be aware that they will probably end up doing it to you. So, the idea is to become very clear about what you really want. Probably the fastest way to do this is to ask yourself the right questions. Do you really want what you say you want? If you establish high selfesteem, things will change. Think about the changes. Are any of them undesirable? If so, you may have discovered a subconscious block to a high self-image.

6. Choose to view your problems from a new perspective. It is time to see the areas of your life that are not working as opportunities for new solutions. You are not what you have and you are not what you do—so it is time to stop being so scared of making a mistake, and start creating a new opinion of yourself. You can only attract into your life that which you feel worthy of. Think about that. It is critically important. You can only attract into your life that which you feel worthy of. So isn’t it time to see yourself as worthy and deserving of the very best that life has to offer?

7. From this day forward, never do anything that lowers your self-esteem. If self-esteem is the result of what you do in life, then to increase your self-esteem you need to do things that support your goal. When you do things that make you feel good about yourself, you build your self-esteem. When you do things you don’t feel good about, you lower your self-esteem. It follows that to feel worthwhile, you must maintain a satisfactory standard of behavior. You must correct yourself when you’re wrong, and if your conduct is below your standard, and you don’t correct it, you will suffer because you will feel as if you have failed in something.

8. Allow yourself to take chances and risks. If your life is ever going to get better you have to take risks. There is no way to grow without taking chances. Sure, uncertainty and danger are part of the process, and in growth you give something up without knowing for certain if the next step is going to be any better. But be aware that failure to risk is often the surest way of losing, for if you don’t risk, the need to take the chance may eventually come to you, and the odds of success will be reduced when you are forced to act.

9. Act as if you have high self-esteem even when you know you don’t. You don’t need to change how you feel about something to affect it, if you are willing to change what you are doing. Change begins with action, and your feelings will follow your actions. Behavior is more important than emotion in creating change. So the question to be asking yourself is, “How can I behave as if I had more selfesteem?” Can you improve your posture, for starters? What about dressing your best? How can you speak with more authority? How can you act more sure of yourself? How can you be more honest and direct with others? How can you live more authentically? How do you stick up for yourself when you need to?

10. Realize no one can be perfect. If you continually measure yourself against a standard of perfection that is impossible to achieve, the automatic result is poor self-esteem. In other words, if you aren’t perfect, you think you’re a failure. If you’re a person who has mentally eliminated the middle ground it’s time to take a realistic look at your viewpoint. If you’re not in perfect physical shape, it doesn’t mean you’re grossly fat. If you’re not the leader in your profession, it doesn’t mean you’re a loser. It’s time to start viewing life more realistically, and basing your self-esteem upon these realities.

11. Base your decisions and actions on rational thinking, instead of emotions. Your emotions are the result of your past programming, and won’t always serve you when used as the foundation for decisions. Emotionally based decisions too often tend to make being right more important than winning the game. Your subconscious mind works very much like a computer, programmed for survival—your personal survival or that which you identify with—which might include your mate, your family, or your country. And your subconscious computer judges your safety based upon your past experiences. Maybe next weekend a friend invites you to go out on a boat. But you’ve been afraid of water since you nearly drowned at age eleven. Your subconscious mind scans the memory banks and decides that it would be a bad idea to accept the boating invitation. It equates water with drowning. In other words, your subconscious computer says it is all right to live your life just the way you did in your past. And in so doing, you survive. The result is your current life, just the way you are! You see, your computer can’t be wrong. To be wrong threatens its very survival. It refers backwards through your past for all its present guidance and justifications, and like the machine it is, it has to be right. Everyone of us is programmed to have to be right to survive. And your reactions are often based upon events from your past that aren’t valid anymore. Please understand that your subconscious computer doesn’t care if you get what you want out of life. It just needs to be right to protect itself. So, you get to be right and lose the game. You either win or lose in life. You get what you want or you don’t. Be honest with yourself about what you are feeling and accept the experience of your emotions without being compelled to act on them. Compulsive actions lower selfesteem.

The rational approach is to let others be right and see how much more often you win the game. Be aware that the other guy is programmed to be right. He needs to be right. And unless you allow him to be right, his survival is threatened and there will be conflict. Maybe you can let him be right with a simple phrase such as, “Yes, I understand that.” Often that’s enough. His subconscious computer is no longer threatened and he can then concentrate upon the issue. The key is to approach all problems from the other person’s vantage point.

12. Seek joy and fulfillment in your current relationship and career before looking elsewhere. It might be a lot wiser to make some changes in your own internal standards instead of searching for emotional stimulation in a new situation. Reality exists as that which you experience. The way you experience life is based upon the way you choose to view what happens to you. Your viewpoint is the deciding factor in whether you experience life negatively or positively. You will resolve most of life’s problems through changes in your perspective. By changing your viewpoint you can eliminate the effects of a problem, so you’re no longer affected. And if you’re no longer affected by a problem you don’t have a problem, although nothing about the problem situation may have changed. Read this tip over a few times to fully grasp it. It is a life-changing concept.

13. Live in the now. We exist now and now is all that is. Now is outside of time. There is no past in which you were incomplete and there will never be a future in which you will become complete. Until you accept that you can only exist now, you will believe that fulfillment awaits you in an illusionary future, if only you take the proper actions. This belief destroys the experience of now and you continually live in illusion. This very moment is it. Nothing is hidden. For years you’ve calculated, hoped and planned how it would be someday. You’ve dreamed and schemed ... and this is how it all turned out. This is all there is. You’ve been planning all your life for the future, but you will never be aware of the future in the future. You will only be aware of it in the now. We do not exist in time. We exist in self. People with high self-esteem use the time component, but they never accept it as a reality that entraps them in actions to achieve fulfillment in an illusionary future. The idea is to be always, at this moment, fulfilled, perfectly at peace and in balance.

14. Don’t always expect the worse. This is about expectations of disaster. Doomsday thinkers project every situation into a worst case scenario. “My child didn’t come when I called her. She’s probably been kidnapped.” “My headache is probably a brain tumor.” “If the Democrats get back in office they’ll destroy the economy, and everyone will be out of work, and the bank will repossess our home, and we’ll have to live in the streets.” If this relates to you, it’s time to stop. Right now. Use the thought stopping technique described earlier in Chapter One.

15. Learn how to accept compliments. People with low self-esteem will put themselves down when a compliment is offered. Someone compliments their suit, and they respond, “Gee, I was going to give it to the Salvation Army.” Or, someone says, “You gave a great speech,” and they respond, “Oh, my timing was bad and I forgot a couple important points.” These responses deflect attention away from the fact they’ve been complimented. Their self-esteem is so low they can’t accept a compliment without qualification. But in your case, from this moment on, no matter what your level of self-esteem, respond to a compliment with a simple, “Thank you.”

16. Think about the negative sub-personalities that are lowering your self-image. Within you lies the whiner and the critic, the manipulator and the martyr, the builder and destroyer—each with its own mythology and co-existing as part of your personality. So, begin by thinking of one of your undesirable personality traits. Next, imagine an image emerging to represent this part of you. It could be male or female, an animal, elf or fairy, a monster, a symbol or anything else. Let this image just happen without attempting to consciously form it. And once the image has taken form, give it a chance to express itself without any interference or judgment. Have a mental conversation with it. Give it a name. And become aware of who or what causes this aspect of you to assert itself. Also see if you can identify any fear associated with this sub-personality. Do this exercise over and over until you’ve uncovered all your undesirable sub-personalities. The goal is to recognize these sub-personalities the moment they emerge. And instead of being absorbed by sensations, feelings, thoughts and desires, you simply observe the sub-personality objectively, without judging or interfering. Then tell yourself, “This sub-personality is within me but it is not me.” Continual refusal to identify with the sub-personality can cause it to disappear.

17. Examine your beliefs. Discover the source of any beliefs that are lowering your self-esteem. All our beliefs go back to a cause—an event or a series of events in your past. Sometimes knowing the cause can eliminate the effect, or at least the knowledge can be used as the basis of reprogramming. If you can’t find the cause of a belief on your own, a hypnotist using regressive techniques or a psychotherapist may be able to help.

18. Use self-hypnosis Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of enhancing your self-esteem. The final chapter tells you how.

Increase Self-Esteem Summary 1. Always be honest about who you are, and what you feel. 2. Value being more than belonging.

3. Don’t take negative input personally. 4. Don’t compare yourself to others. 5. Clarify your goals. 6. Choose to view your problems from a new perspective. 7. From this day forward, never do anything that lowers your self-esteem. 8. Allow yourself to take chances and risks. 9. Act as if you have high self-esteem even when you know you don’t. 10. Realize no one can be perfect. 11. Base your decisions and actions on rational thinking, instead of emotions. 12. Seek joy and fulfillment in your current relationship and career before looking elsewhere. 13. Live in the now. 14. Don’t always expect the worse. 15. Learn how to accept compliments. 16. Think about the negative sub-personalities that are lowering your self-image. 17. Examine your beliefs.

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Affirmations •

The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “I project a positive self-image.” “I live authentically.” “I do not take the opinions of others personally.” “I am always aware that my thoughts are creating my reality.” “I am clear on my intent to have the highest self-esteem.” “I speak and act in ways that support my self-esteem.” “I base my decisions upon rational thinking and not emotions.” “I’d rather win the game than get to be right.” “I accept the experience of my emotions without being compelled to act.” “I easily accept compliments.” “I am compassionate towards myself.” “Every day, in every way, I gain in self-esteem.” “I support my self-esteem with daily programming.” “I am very sure of myself.” “I am self-reliant and self-confident.” “I am filled with independence and determination.”

“I have great inner courage.” “I can do whatever I set my mind to.”

C H A P T E R

F O U R

Maximize Self-Discipline Self-discipline isn’t about self-denial or self-restrictions. In the context of success it means self-determination. It is perseverance in action. Self-discipline is the very basis of success because it is how you direct your time, energy and resources to manifest your desires. Self-discipline is the one factor common to all self-made, successful people. In a nutshell, self-discipline simply means that you do what you need to do, and you stop doing what doesn’t work.

1. Examine your behavior and personality; what changes need to be made? You have the power and ability to change your personality. Decide what needs to be changed. Then decide if you are really willing to change. Are you willing to take responsibility for your behavior? Is your behavior causing you problems? An immediate change in behavior will quickly lead to a change in attitude, which can lead to fulfilling your needs—and further improved behavior. You don’t have to change how you feel about something to affect it, if you are willing to change what you are doing. Your personality is the sum total of all your past programming. It amounts to your traits, viewpoints and habits and the interaction of those three factors. They are acquired, not inherited, thus they are alterable. They can be changed if you want to change them. Your habits, traits, and viewpoints are your choices. A habit is a simple act you do over and over, such as the way you get dressed in the morning or the route you drive to work. Your traits are a tendency to do things repeatedly in similar ways, such as being known as an immaculate dresser, or always being late. Your viewpoints are the ways you look at things. Reality exists as that which you experience. The way you experience life is based upon the way you choose to view what happens to you. Viewpoint is the deciding factor in whether you experience life harmoniously or disharmoniously. So suggestion number one is to decide what in your personality needs to be changed, and then decide if you are really willing to change.

2. Build your strength by increasing your willpower and self-esteem. Increasing self-discipline is a matter of building the strength not to give up. All too often we say, “To hell with it,” because we don’t have the strength to struggle with the issue at hand. We might not come right out and say “To hell with it,” but sometimes we just can't admit to ourselves on a conscious level that we lack the self-discipline to do what we need to do.

If your lack of self-discipline causes you mental suffering, you are going to be stuck with the pain unless you get stronger. You can build your strength by increasing your willpower and generating high self-esteem. Build your willpower by practicing onepointedness, focusing only upon what you are doing and do one thing at a time until the task is completed. Actions influence attitude, and better behavior will increase your self-esteem. Exert the willpower to make immediate changes in your behavior, and it will lead to a change in attitude. Your level of self-esteem is the result of what you have done in the past. When you do things that make you feel good about yourself, you build your self-esteem. When you do things you don’t feel good about, you lower your self-esteem. As a basic rule of life, never do anything that lowers your self-esteem.

3. Learn to fulfill your essential needs. One of the primary reasons people are not as happy or fulfilled as they desire to be is that they don’t choose wisely between harmonious and disharmonious behavior. If you have problems and are unable to fulfill your essential needs in life, the severity of your symptoms reflects the degree to which you are unable to fulfill your needs. One person becomes stressed, another develops an ulcer, someone else gets depressed, or develops a phobia, or becomes anti-social. But whatever the symptom, it will disappear when your needs are successfully fulfilled. If you aren’t fulfilling your needs, no matter what your symptoms or behavior, you are denying the reality of the world you live in. All human beings have the same physiological and psychological needs, but we vary in our ability to fulfill them. Psychiatry is concerned with two basic psychological needs: 1) The need to love and be loved, and 2) The need to feel worthwhile to ourselves and to others, which can be summed up as good self-esteem. For your basic needs to be fulfilled, you must be involved with other people. You must have at least one person who cares about you and whom you care about. Without this essential person you will not be able to fulfill your basic needs. To feel worthwhile, you must maintain a satisfactory standard of behavior. You must correct yourself when you’re wrong, and if your conduct is below your standard, and you don’t correct it, you will suffer because you will feel as if you have failed in something. Just as you would suffer if you had no one to love or love you. Now whatever has happened in the past, no matter how it may have affected you, it won’t make any difference once you learn to fulfill your needs. Self-discipline and responsibility play an important part in this because you must fulfill your needs in a way that does not deprive others of the ability to fulfill their needs.

4. How are you served by your lack of self-discipline? Explore any secret satisfaction you may receive from not being fully in charge of your life. If you need to increase your self-discipline you need to take charge of your life. The first step in taking charge of your life may be to explore any secret satisfaction you receive from not being fully in charge. As an example, if you feel like you are victimized, you’re receiving some satisfaction from being a victim. If you are weak, or poor, or feel

inadequate, there is a payoff of some kind in it for you. Negative games are great attention-getters. Another benefit of these games might be that they protect you from blame. The number of games is infinite. There is the “I can’t find the right relationship” game. And the “I can only attain a limited level of success” game. Or, how about the “My relationship is miserable” game? Life is a game. Some people play it as a game of struggle, or sickness, or poverty, or being right all the time. Others play the game of happiness, success and abundant health. We are each playing a game we set up. And if your game is not bringing you some kind of payoff, stop playing. Often, there are hidden reasons why you procrastinate and end up feeling the need to increase your self-discipline. Explore how you are served by not doing what you need to do, when you need to do it. Maybe you fear success or fear failure, and by avoiding the issue you don’t have to cope with either. Maybe you experience anxiety about starting or completing a task. Or maybe if you put things off somebody else will do it, or maybe the “avoid” will keep you from being judged, or maybe you think everything will eventually resolve itself. Start with any area where you feel you are lacking in selfdiscipline, and explore how it serves you to do what you do. Then design a countermeasure, a change in behavior that will eliminate the problem. As an example, my primary area of procrastination relates to returning phone calls. I used to put them off for days, weeks, or forever. I lacked the self-discipline to return almost all phone calls. Why? Because they take time away from my writing and I dislike the small talk that is usually part of any call. When I’m directly to the point, it often alienates people who require social rapport. Now, in understanding why I lack the selfdiscipline to return calls I can either build the strength to stop procrastinating or find another way of resolving the problem. In this case I chose to delegate the undesirable task to my office staff. They now return 99 percent of my calls. My friends already know I don’t like to talk on the phone and are willing to communicate with my wife or answering machine. Discover ways to eliminate the problem; either a change in behavior or a change in attitude can easily do the trick.

5. Learn to control your thoughts. You create your own reality with your beliefs, which result from your thoughts. Your thoughts and beliefs have created all your experiences. Real power lies in your ability to control your thoughts. A confused mind works in the direction of sickness, lack and limitation, rather than health, abundance and success. If you are not experiencing your life exactly the way you want it to be, you are allowing your unconscious mind to create your reality—and that just doesn’t work. From this moment, start catching yourself when you think a negative thought, or make a judgment, or get upset, or when you’re not self-disciplined. Catch yourself and say these two little words quickly to yourself, “Success Opportunity.” Then imagine the undesirable situation reversed. Quickly imagine a positive outcome. Or, rephrase the negative thought with a positive one. The more you use this technique the more effective it will become.

6. Realize that no one is perfect. No one is perfect. If you avoid doing what you need to do because you don’t think you can do the job perfectly, this sets you up for failure. The more of a perfectionist you are the harder it will be to begin. You must accept that you and everyone else on the planet is human and everyone of us has our limits. Make it all right with yourself to be less than perfect. Then decide to get going.

7. Rise above the fear of success. Understand and rise above the fear of success. First, you need to explore why you might be afraid of success. Maybe if you were to really succeed it would change your relationship with your mate, friends, or family. Maybe success would dictate other changes you wouldn’t like. Success often increases expectations, demands and pressures. And, success can generate a fear of ultimate failure at some future time. Examine your potential gains and losses realistically, and decide what will and won’t work for you.

8. Understand and rise above three more fear blocks: the fear of failure, the fear of being overwhelmed and the fear of finishing. Begin rising above your fear-blocks by asking yourself, “What is the worst that could happen?” A full awareness of your potential loss will clarify your anxiety. Then, explore how you can reduce the likelihood of this undesirable event from occurring. What could you do to increase your safety? The more you can do, the less fearful you will be. Also, explore this from the perspective of how you can increase your chances of winning in this situation. Explore what you would do if the worst came to pass. How would you cope? Where could you get help? How would you carry on? Explore your potential for dealing effectively with life. Explore your alternatives. And when you’ve done that, remind yourself that courage is the willingness to be afraid and to act anyway.

9. Examine your values and make sure they are compatible with your goals. If your values and goals are not compatible, problems with self-discipline are sure to follow because you end up fighting yourself in regard to fulfilling your desires. If your goals and values are not compatible, you will either subconsciously block yourself from achieving your goals or you’ll change your values to make them consistent with your goals. A third possibility is that you’ll destroy one or the other in the process. Make a list of your ten most important goals. Then do the same with your values. Any great difference on the list will indicate that you need to rethink one or the other, to resolve or avoid a conflict. Key value areas to consider are your primary relationship, children, career, friends & associates, spirituality, physical fitness & well-being, finances, creativity, education &

intellectual growth, recreation & leisure activities, home & material possessions, and community or service involvements. Your goals should consist of your primary short-term career goal, long-term career goal, short and long-term personal goals, and relationship goals. If your goals consist mainly of financial and career successes and your values are primarily concerned with your spirituality, recreational and leisure activities, you may be fooling yourself.

10. Clarify your values and goals. Look at the results of your goal/value list and clarify your real goals. At least do this with your general career goal, and your strongest personal goals. If you don’t plan a life direction you are making a choice: no choice. If you don’t choose, destiny makes your choices for you and that can result in sad consequences. You want goals; you need goals; you must have goals if you desire to take control of your life. Goals define your selfdiscipline requirements, and reinforce your self-esteem.

11. Question yourself about your life desires. Determine exactly what you really want, not what you think you should want. Next, discover what is blocking you from getting what you want. The block will be one of three things: 1) A subconscious fear; 2) A hidden benefit; or 3) It is totally unrealistic. Next, decide what you are willing to pay to get what you want. The price will be one or more of the following: time, money, effort or sacrifice. Hopefully, what you really want would generate great joy in your life. When you know exactly what you want and what you’re willing to do to get it, you’ll be aware of how much self-discipline will be required.

12. Do only that which you enjoy. One of the primary reasons people are not self-disciplined is that they don’t enjoy what they are doing. To do what you don’t enjoy can be torture, and it can fragment your personality. But there is a very simple way to integrate yourself, and probably generate incredible self-discipline. All you have to do is do only that which you enjoy. What would happen if no matter what it was, if you didn’t enjoy it, you didn’t do it. Think about this. Now if you’re resisting this idea by saying, “Sure, sure ... what a dumb idea,” you’re limiting your options. If you are doubting it now, you probably limit all your options in life. Instead of doubting this idea, think about how much energy you’d have to do what you enjoy, if you freed yourself from the tasks that you don’t enjoy. I’m not talking about ignoring your responsibilities. The idea is to delegate what you don’t want to do. Freely choose what you do. When you feel you have to do something, you’re playing the victim, rather than a responsible, powerful person. From this moment on, any time you start to feel like you have to, use the thought stopping “Success Opportunity” technique and empower yourself by saying, “I freely choose to.” What you want to do is always your best option in life, because it generates joy. I’m talking about the joy, stimulation and exhilaration that make you glad to be alive. This aliveness comes from doing what you want to do. In turn, joy generates inspired energy which if properly channeled, should generate productive behavior. Like a Möbius strip,

one generates the other in a continuous cycle of productivity and joy. You might have to work a little longer at what you enjoy to earn what you need to hire someone else to do what you don’t enjoy. But wouldn’t it be worth it?

13. Divide big jobs into workable steps which you take one step at a time. The big picture can often appear daunting once we have procrastinated long enough. It just takes an extra couple of minutes to organize a large task into a series of smaller related tasks. Group together related activities. You can save yourself a great deal of time with a few extra minutes of organizing before the real work begins. Set priorities and do the most important things first. Then once you begin, concentrate on the task at hand. If you allow yourself to get distracted by all that needs to be accomplished, you won’t get the job done. Focusing all your energy in one direction is a powerful success force. Begin by examining your task and finding the best place to start. Next divide the task into small, manageable steps which you will handle, one step at a time, until the project is complete.

14. Eliminate busy work. This is work that doesn’t really contribute to your overall success, but you take refuge in doing it, because it’s easy. When you do things that aren’t worth doing, you delude yourself into thinking you’ve accomplished something.

15. Touch each paper only once. If you are going to read the memo or open the letter and read it, or open the telephone bill, or glance at your notes for the proposal, handle it immediately. Don’t allow your desk to become a rotation center for paperwork.

16. Just begin–one disciplined act leads to another. Be aware that when you are self-disciplined and act in the way you desire to act, the act reinforces the motivating belief and viewpoint behind the act. The reverse is also true every time you fail to act. So, one self-disciplined act naturally leads to another and to another to help you free yourself from the beliefs and viewpoints that work against you.

17. Use self-hypnosis. Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of maximizing your self-discipline. The final chapter tells you how.

Increase Self-Discipline Summary 1. Examine your behavior and personality; what changes need to be made? 2. Build your strength by increasing your willpower and self-esteem. 3. Learn to fulfill your essential needs.

4. How are you served by your lack of self-discipline? Explore any secret satisfaction you may receive from not being fully in charge of your life. 5. Learn to control your thoughts. 6. Realize that no one is perfect. 7. Rise above the fear of success. 8. Understand and rise above three more fear blocks: the fear of failure, the fear of being overwhelmed and the fear of finishing. 9. Examine your values and make sure they are compatible with your goals. 10. Clarify your values and goals. 11. Question yourself about your life desires. 12. Do only that which you enjoy. 13. Divide big jobs into workable steps which you take one step at a time. 14. Eliminate busy work. 15. Touch each paper only once. 16. Just begin—one disciplined act leads to another.

• Affirmations • The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “I have the self-discipline to accomplish my personal and professional goals.” “I direct my time and energy to manifest my desires.” “Every day, in every way, I increase my self-discipline.” “I do what I need to do and stop doing what doesn’t work.” “I can control my thoughts, and thus my actions.” “I freely choose to do what I do.” “I am assertive and feel good about myself.” “I am clear on my values and willing to commit to my goals.” “I do a job one step at a time until it’s done.” “I live a directed life.” “I only act in ways that build my self-esteem.” “I take charge of my life and play the game of happiness, success and abundant health.” “‘Success Opportunity’ is my technique to reverse the energy of my thoughts.” “I have the courage to be afraid and act anyway.” “ I decide exactly what I want in life and I go for it.” “I incorporate time management techniques into my life.” “I spend my time in ways that support my goals.” “I know that who I am is perfect.”

C H A P T E R

F I V E

Reduce Stress To reduce stress, you need to understand stress. Stress is the result of your perception of events. It is indicated by how you react to situations. What is stressful to you might not be stressful to someone else and vice versa. You are not born with more or fewer stress-prone genes than other people. In the end, it all amounts to attitude. Stress is being implicated in an ever-increasing number of serious health problems. To learn how to unstress, you must understand how you wound up stressed in the first place. The moment we encounter a tension-producing situation, our body chemically prepares to fight or flee. Your adrenal cortex secretes hormones which cause you to tense up. Your blood pressure rises and blood sugar is released for energy. Extra oxygen is delivered to your organs so you can use them in fighting off the danger. Clotting agents are increased in your blood in case you are wounded in the fight. Cholesterol and other fats are released to serve as a reserve energy supply. Many other biological changes also take place, all of which will allow your body to remain ready for action for the next two or three hours. But of course you don’t fight and you don’t flee, and this Stone Age internal reaction, originally meant to protect you, becomes a serious menace to your health. So what can you do? Well, you have a few options. You can keep the stress repressed and bottled up inside you. Of course this is sure to result in frustration, ulcers and worse health problems down the line. Or you can express your stress through sickness, apathy, anger, drinking, drugs, overeating or in any number of other undesirable ways. Or you can get rid of your stress according to a plan, and this chapter offers a complete stress reduction plan.

1. Consider your daily stress buttons. Because stress is the result of constantly being ready to fight you have two ways of handling it. You can resolve all the conflicts in your life, or you can learn to live with them. To do either successfully you’ll have to change some viewpoints and behaviors that are an integral part of your personality. The best place to begin is with an exploration of your stress buttons. In life, there are instances of tragedy and disruption that we expect to trigger stress, such as the sudden death of a loved one, a debilitating injury or illness, the loss of a job, and the overwhelm of moving or relocating. But the fact is, the daily hassles of life may have a greater stress effect than the larger misfortunes of life. Examples of these daily hassles would be worry about weight, losing or misplacing things, a major change in your routine, too much to do and not enough time to do it properly, feeling lonely, money worries, too many responsibilities, the children fighting, and pressure to perform well—in any area.

Make a list of all the stress factors in your life, and if the cause isn’t apparent, attempt to find it. What causes you to be agitated? What makes you angry? What frustrates you? When does that tension begin to creep in? Write down all the little things that affect your well-being. You must first identify your stress buttons before you can eliminate them. If you become stressed every time you have a report or a deadline, maybe it goes back to a childhood incident. It could be something remote. Perhaps your fourth-grade teacher reprimanded and embarrassed you, which programmed an automatic anxiety response you are still carrying. Take the time to stop and think about the reasons for your anxiety. Sometimes just knowing the cause is enough to alleviate the effect.

2. Every time you become stressed, mentally investigate your state of mind. From this moment on, every time you feel stressed, mentally investigate your state of mind. Reality is what you have chosen reality to be for you and it is alterable through a change in viewpoint. So, ask yourself, “What would it take to eliminate the stress in this situation?” and next, ask yourself, “If I can’t change the people or circumstances, how can I change my viewpoint?” Examining how you can change your point of view reminds you that you have power in the situation. It also might serve you to ask yourself if you had expectations of approval or control in regard to the stressful situation. Chances are you did. If so, the real problems may be with your expectations—expectations which are not your right. You don’t want to have to provide approval on demand, do you? It certainly isn’t your right to control others’ actions. So, how can you expect others to be the way you want them to be? In such a situation, your expectations are in conflict with what is. Remind yourself of that the next time you get upset.

3. Identify how you express your stress. Many mental and emotional disorders, from anxiety to depression, can be triggered by stress. Even hair loss has been linked to stress. Asthma worsens in a stressful environment and the heart rate and rhythm can be disturbed. Digestion can be disrupted, causing numerous diseases. Menstrual disorders, impotence, and premature ejaculation have been traced to stress as have bladder problems. Muscular twitches and tics can result from stress and so can skin problems such as eczema and psoriasis. Researchers also believe that if stress is repressed long enough, it contributes to cancer. Here are some of the primary ways we express stress. Do any of these fit you? Tenseness, continual on-the-go activity, feeling incapable, excessive smoking, excessive drinking, excessive use of tranquilizers or marijuana, upset stomach, excess sleeping, unfocused thinking, driving your car aggressively, turning every game into an intense competition, inability to sleep or frequent waking during the night, loss of sexual interest, trying to do more than one thing at a time, nervous habits from tapping your fingers to swinging your foot, easy irritability, high blood pressure, frequent headaches, cold hands gritting your teeth, overeating or undereating. Identify the ways in which you express your own stress. Notice that they disappear once you reduce your stress levels. Then congratulate yourself on your success.

4. Take action. Diffuse the pressure situations in your life. Plan out your day and refuse to be intimidated by what needs to be done. Even if you can’t accomplish everything, set priorities so that you accomplish each task in order of importance and deadline. Then do each job one part at a time. If every time you have to meet a particular deadline you become stressed, start planning ahead a little better, so you don’t continually end up in a last minute panic. If family members drive you up the wall, learn some assertiveness training techniques to verbally stand up for your human rights without offending your relatives. If the crowd at the supermarket drives you crazy, do your shopping during the slack hours. All this amounts to being more rational in your approach to life. Be more realistic about what you will encounter when you put yourself into potentially stressful situations. Often this alone is enough to start reducing your stress. Start doing something—anything, to deal with the problem. If you can’t take direct action, what about indirect action? If your stress is coming from guilt or regret, you need to accept that you can’t change the past. But you can get busy, and keep busy, which will assist you to forget about the situation and the stress. Also in regard to guilt, be aware that it is an absolutely absurd emotion because usually nothing can be done about it. If nothing can be done, let the past be a lesson as to how to handle the future, and let go of the guilt. There a million things you can do to change your attitude and relieve stress. Start smiling at the people in your life, and laughing at yourself. Stop attempting to do more than one thing at a time. Spend 15 minutes doing nothing but listening to relaxing music. Consider meditation as an anti-stress technique. Play a game or sport to lose every once in a while. Do everything more slowly—walking, talking and eating. Go out and really observe a sunset, or a flower. Take a walk. Take your watch off for a week.

5. Balance your work with play. If you are a high achiever, it’s often hard to break away to spend time in other ways—such as exercising, sharing with your family, spending quality time with your children, enjoying a hobby, or even attending to your spiritual needs. But this balance is critical to your overall well-being and is essential when battling stress. Maintaining your equilibrium must become a central priority. If you allow yourself to fall out of balance, things will go wrong in other areas of your life. If you are ignoring your relationship for your career, you can count on having relationship problems, which will then indirectly affect your career. If you aren’t exercising properly, you’ll probably get sick, which again will indirectly affect the other areas of your life. What areas in your own life are out of balance? What can you do to create balance?

6. At night, put your work and concerns aside. By eight or nine o’clock at night, put your work and concerns aside. Let this be the time you are finished for the day and ready to relax. Be aware that it will still take two or three hours for all your internal stress hormones to be re- absorbed by the glands that

produced them. Spend this time doing something that is relaxing, while also mentally engaging. This will take your mind away from the stressful thoughts of the day.

7. Be direct and honest; handle disputes with other people immediately. When you are not direct and honest, you repress. Repression is simply another expression of fear. Fear is negative subconscious programming that only creates future negative experiences. Fear of expressing your true feelings dissipates your energy. The more you repress, the less energy you have to be who you really are. To resolve problems, all you have to do is be direct and honest about what you want and don’t want. Express your needs calmly, without resentment or hostility. Don’t be afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings. If someone cannot accept you as you are, without attempting to manipulate you, do you really need that person in your life? If there is conflict, negotiate a compromise before the stress sets in. Storing up hurt doesn’t work. If others have let you down, express what you need to say. And remember, never do anything that causes you to lose self-esteem. If self-esteem is the result of what you do in life, then to increase your self-esteem you need to do things that support your goal. When you do things that make you feel good about yourself, you build your self-esteem. When you do things you don’t feel good about, you lower your self-esteem.

8. Do what you do naturally and well, and delegate the rest of the responsibilities to others. Some of you may believe that when it comes to your work, you can do it better than anyone else. When others don’t get the job done, you take on the task. Instead, why not decide to delegate everything you don’t really need to do? You don’t need to control every little situation, and you can live with a little less perfection. Research has shown that busy executives who are less stressed than their peers have high self-esteem, think the world is worthwhile, believe they can influence events around them, and tend to see change and problems as opportunities. Start viewing your problems as decisions that need to be made. If you have irrational outbursts, overly strict standards, and use high pressure tactics at work, you are only being counterproductive. Does your tendency to become easily irritated and aggravated really help you get the job done? Does impatience make it easier to make decisions, or does it cause you to move too quickly and screw up? Do your ultra-high expectations help you succeed? More likely they assure failure. It’s time to replace the idea that overdriven behavior is beneficial. Your extreme hardworking attitude isn’t always healthy, or productive. Examine your personality. Your personality is the basis of how you react to life’s stresses. Although no one is a total type A or type B personality, most people are inclined toward type A behavior. They tend to be excitable, competitive and goal oriented. In his book, Treating Type A Behavior And Your Heart, Dr. Meyer Friedman says, “If you are a type A personality and can admit to it, you are halfway to kicking the undesirable type A patterns.” The doctor goes on to list low self-esteem and insecurity as the primary causes of these undesirable behavioral patterns. He says that in his

research study of 592 type A people, every single one doubted their ability to perform their duties well enough to warrant advancement in their company. If this describes you, I suggest you read Chapter Three, “Increase Self-Esteem.”

9. Examine your self-talk to see what you are programming into your subconscious mind. Thoughts and fantasies constantly run through your mind, indirectly creating your future reality. Sometimes they are in response to a specific event and sometimes they just flood into your mind when you are quiet. Here are some negative examples of selftalk: “I just can’t stand waiting in lines.” “I never have enough time to get everything done I need to do.” “I’d like to have a tank so I could crush every car that cuts in front of me on the freeway.” Use a thought stopping technique to stop the negative self-talk from becoming subconscious programming. Say these two trigger words to yourself, “Success Opportunity.” Then replace the negative thought with a positive one. Never allow someone else’s lack of balance to create a problem for you. This technique assures positive—instead of negative—programming.

10. Exercise! Since stress prepares your body for intense muscular activity, exercise is a great way to relieve built-up tension. The more aerobic the exercise the better. Vigorous daily exercise increases levels of the neurotransmitters as well as endorphins, the body’s natural opiates, and will make it easier for you to relax more completely. The oxygen flooding through your system will help you detoxify more quickly and eliminate the biological factors that prolong stress. So, running, fast walking, swimming, cycling, calisthenics, and aerobic dancing are especially recommended. When you include regular exercise as a part of your lifestyle, it assists you to keep your stress level low enough to absorb ordinarily stressful situations without affecting you. Obviously it is best not to take up competitive exercise such as handball, tennis, or volleyball, as these may create other stressful situations.

11. Change your eating habits. Eliminate those foods which generate or worsen stress. On days of extreme stress, eat more carbohydrates. Proteins contain energizing brain chemicals, while carbohydrates, through a complex metabolic pathway, allow more tryptophan, a component that enhances relaxation, to get into the brain. Poor diet generates far more stress than most people realize. Even if you just incorporate the new government dietary guidelines you’ll be well served. Reduce your intake of foods containing sugar and refined white flour. Eliminate junk foods and fried foods. Replace red meat with fish, chicken or turkey. Avoid cholesterol. Reduce your alcohol intake. Eat more fresh vegetables, many of them raw. Also eat fresh fruits, and 100 percent whole grain bread, cereal and pasta products. There are three food related diseases which often generate or worsen stress. The first is food allergies, the second is hypoglycemia (low blood sugar), and the third is candida—the yeast problem. All are very common, all are curable simply by changing

your diet. For example, you can greatly reduce candida by eliminating sugar and dairy products from your diet. If you don’t take vitamins, perhaps you should consider vitamin supplements. Most health food stores carry anti-stress vitamin and mineral formulas that can be very helpful. Some of the most important stress fighters are vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin E, the complete B complex, and panthenic acid, which is vitamin B-5. Most nutritionists suggest using supplements, but you need expert advice, or you need to do your own research before purchasing vitamins. Of course, obtain your doctor’s advice before making any significant changes in your lifestyle.

12. You attract that which you are and that which you concentrate upon. So concentrate on becoming calm and centered. The law of attraction states, “Where your attention goes your energy flows.” You attract that which you are and that which you concentrate upon. If you are negative, you draw in and experience negativity. If you are loving you draw in and experience love. You can attract to you only those qualities you possess. So if you want peace and harmony in your life, you must become peaceful and harmonious.

13. Accept that what is, is. There are things you can change in life and things you can’t change. To accept what is, is to accept unalterable realities as they are without wasting mental or physical energy attempting to change what you can’t. It is your resistance to what is that causes your suffering and your stress. The Serenity Prayer says, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. This doesn’t mean to passively accept life. What you have the potential to change go ahead and change. But recognize that there are also things you can do nothing about.

14. Develop conscious detachment. There is attached mind and detached mind. Attached mind means your state of mind is always changing from positive to negative as outside conditions change. This is extreme fluctuation from happiness and joy, down through neutral to your emotional basement: stress, depression, anger, and agitation. The goal is to develop detached mind. This means your state of mind fluctuates only from positive to neutral as outside conditions change. You accept all the warmth and joy and happiness that life has to offer while detaching from negativity by allowing it to flow through you without affecting you. You detach out of wisdom, not repression. Sure, if you feel angry, hostile or resentful, you’ll have to express it, or the emotions will erupt in another way. But as you begin to see the logic of detachment your negative emotions will be less likely to emerge in response to situations. Detached mind is based upon two points of logic: 1) If you get upset, you will program your subconscious mind negatively, which will generate more negativity in your future. In other words you simply make matters worse; and 2) If you are resisting

what is, you are wasting your energy, because you want something, or somebody, to be different than they are. It won’t happen, so why become stressed about something you can’t change? A problem does not have to be eliminated to be resolved. Often a better solution is a change in viewpoint. When you are no longer affected by a problem, you no longer have a problem, although nothing may have outwardly changed. What other people say or do, other than physical violence, does not affect you. Only what you think about what they say or do affects you. Why allow another person’s problem to create a problem within you? Let’s say the person closest to you is often warm and loving, and you enjoy these times, but this person can also be selfish and selfcentered. During those times you consciously detach and let the negativity flow through you without affecting you. It is that person’s right to be grouchy, and it is your right not to be affected. Nothing about the situation has changed except the way you view it.

15. Express unconditional love. This doesn’t mean romantic love. It means the acceptance of other people as they are without judgment, without expectations, and without blame. It means to be compassionate and caring. Love is letting go of fear, letting go of delusions. Fear is a big word. All disturbances between human beings, large or small, are rooted in fear. Fear means all the negative emotions such as anger, selfishness, jealousy, prejudice, hate, repression, envy, possessiveness, greed, anxiety, guilt, insecurity, depression, inhibitions, vanity, malice, resentment, blame, et cetera. Imagine being free of fear-based emotions. Learn to respond to others with compassion and a tranquil mind. The more you can live and let live the less stressed out you will be. Detach from negativity and you become more physically relaxed, emotionally calm, mentally focused and spiritually aware. You will begin to feel centered and serene, at peace with yourself, the world, and everyone in it. Realize that you deserve love and happiness, and to give love is to receive love.

16. Use breathing techniques to immediately unstress. Use this technique of diaphragm breathing as a quick-fix technique to immediately unstress. You can do it in your car, your office or walking down the street. Just take a very deep breath and hold it in as long as you comfortably can. Then let the breath out through slightly parted lips, and when you think the breath is all the way out, contract your stomach muscles, and push it even further and further out. Then repeat the process. Within a few minutes you will find that you have greatly reduced your stress level.

17. Use self-hypnosis Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of reducing stress. The final chapter tells you how.

Reduce Stress Summary 1. Consider your daily stress buttons. 2. After the fact, mentally investigate your state of mind. 3. Identify how you express your stress. 4. Take action. Diffuse the pressure situations in your life. 5. Balance your work with play. 6. At night, put your work and concerns aside. 7. Be direct and honest; handle disputes with other people immediately. 8. Do what you do naturally and well, and delegate the rest of the responsibilities to others. 9. Examine your self-talk to see what you are programming into your subconscious mind. 10. Exercise! 11. Change your eating habits. 12. You attract that which you are and that which you concentrate upon. So concentrate on becoming calm and centered. 13. Accept that what is, is. 14. Develop conscious detachment. 15. Express unconditional love. 16. Use breathing techniques to immediately unstress.

•

Affirmations •

The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “I am at peace with myself and my circumstances.” “I feel very relaxed and peaceful.” “I now view life as a tranquil oneness.” “I am no longer affected by what cannot be changed.” “I am physically relaxed and emotionally at ease.” “I now let go of all turmoil in my life.” “I feel balanced and harmonious.” “I am so relaxed and so at ease.” “I no longer have expectations of approval or control.” “I accept that what is, is.” “I consciously detach from negativity, allowing it to flow through me without affecting me.” “I handle disputes with other people immediately.”

“I think ahead, diffusing stressful situations in advance.” “Every day in every way I feel better about myself.” “I make sure my self-talk is positive.” “I now eat nutritionally balanced meals.” “Exercise now becomes a part of my daily lifestyle.” “Diaphragm breathing always relaxes me.”

C H A P T E R

S I X

Lose Weight Information is your most powerful weapon in the fight against fat. Information, not willpower, and certainly not some new fad diet, will assist you in making healthy choices in your diet and lifestyle. The diet industry is constantly bombarding us with new weight loss trends: food combining, juicing, less fat, more fat, more carbohydrate, less carbohydrate. How are we to sort through it and make the healthy choice? Answer: information. All the willpower and discipline in the world can’t help you if you haven’t armed yourself with the proper information. Reading a diet book that only prescribes a daily meal plan won’t teach you anything about how the body works. It is important to understand how your body reacts to the fats, carbohydrates and proteins in the foods we eat. Nutrients and other processed ingredients act like drugs upon the body, causing certain reactions and responses, and not all of them are good. Read books that explain why we should or shouldn’t eat certain foods. Learn about nutrition. Arm yourself with enough information to wade through the useless fad diets that may distract you from your real goal—good health. Weight control involves work, but the self-esteem, social values and improved health that go with it certainly make it worthwhile. Think in terms of your weight transition being a renewal period in your life.

1. Investigate undetected medical causes for being overweight. Very often weight problems are related to undetected medical causes. Millions of people in this country have one of three physical conditions that keep them from losing weight. If you are one of these people, weight clinics and programming may help you to lose weight, but you will usually gain it right back. Even the idea of “eating fewer calories than you burn” is an oversimplification and not your answer for a permanent solution. Make an appointment with your doctor to evaluate whether you have any of these conditions. These medical causes require specific attention and it is important to check with your doctor before making any changes in your lifestyle. The first medical cause is hypothyroidism. A few of the common symptoms include fatigue, inability to lose weight, hair loss, swelling feet, nervousness, depression, loss of sexual desire, pain in your joints, high cholesterol levels, and poor concentration and memory. A simple blood test will show if you have a thyroid problem, which can be corrected with medication. The second medical cause is candida—a yeast problem which seems to have developed over the last generation along with the increased use of antibiotics, cortisone, the birth control pill, and dietary use of sugars and refined white flour. Some of the common symptoms include most of those I described for hypothyroidism, plus anal and vaginal infections, cravings for sugar, breads or alcoholic beverages, feeling spacey, the inability to make decisions, insomnia, muscle aches, abdominal pain, constipation, diarrhea, gas, impotence, attacks of anxiety, feeling shaky or irritable when hungry,

headaches, chronic rashes or itching, numbness, tingling, rectal itching, bad breath, nasal itching, sore throat, burning or tearing of eyes and recurring ear infections. The third medical cause of obesity is hypoglycemia—low blood sugar. Primary symptoms include being shaky and craving food, nervousness, irritability, low energy, cold sweats, weak feelings, depression, dizziness, headaches, digestive disturbances, forgetfulness, insomnia, worrying, confusion, muscle pains, low sex drive, allergies, leg cramps and impotence. These three medical conditions can keep you from losing weight. All are curable, but you must see your doctor to determine your condition and the best course of action.

2. Take the “Cocoa Pulse Test.” Food allergies are sometimes (or often) responsible for weight gain and the inability to lose weight. A medical test is obviously the best way to find out if you fit into this category, but the “cocoa pulse test” is a way to self-check your own response to food. If you have a dramatic rise in heartbeat following food ingestion it is likely that it is caused by sensitivity to that food. You need to be familiar with your normal pulse rate, and how to take it. Count your pulse for six seconds and multiply by ten. This is your resting pulse. Check your pulse 30 to 60 minutes after the meal. If it is 20 beats or higher than normal, you may be having an allergic reaction to what you ate. Begin to keep a record of what you eat and your reactions.

3. Uncover the psychological cause. Your first step should be to find the cause of being overweight. If your weight problem is generated by psychological programming, it is equally important to uncover the cause. Everything we experience has a cause. And one of the best places to begin exploring is to examine what will happen in your life when you attain your weight goals. Obviously there will be many changes. If you think about it, some may not be especially desirable. As an example, you may have to start fending off romantic advances! Think about the undesired changes and you may find a block that is keeping you from attaining your goals. You might want to work with a hypnotist who can direct you to subjectively experience the cause using regressive hypnosis techniques. Through self-deception, you are often your own worst enemy. But once you are ready to acknowledge your blocks it becomes much easier to change what you are doing.

4. Examine your beliefs about weight. Your beliefs are the basis of your reality. Brain/mind researchers, psychologists and human potential trainers all agree on this. It is your beliefs that generate your thoughts and emotions, which create all your experiences. It’s that simple! There are no exceptions. So, if you are not 100 percent happy with your current reality and want to change it, you must change your beliefs. Your beliefs are not hidden. They are not buried deep in your subconscious mind. They are part of your conscious awareness. They are probably unexamined because people don’t usually explore their beliefs, or more often, they accept them as facts. It is easy to recognize religious and political beliefs, but it is harder to pin down beliefs about how who and what you are relate to your life.

There are also two additional factors that interrelate beliefs. First, there is a universal law that says you can’t become what you resent. If you look at a young woman with a perfect body and think, “All beauty and no brains,” you are creating a mental block. You cannot become what you resent. The second universal law says that you always live up to your self-image. Now, if that image includes being “brainless” if you have a perfect body, you are in a no-win situation. Your subconscious mind will never allow you to think of yourself as brainless, so it will block your weight loss. It is time to examine all your beliefs about your weight. If you find beliefs that are not serving you, explore the cause of the belief, and if necessary use programming techniques to override them. It is critically important, if you are overweight, to change your beliefs about your weight. That is what hypnosis, sleep programming or subliminal tapes can help you do. These tapes program new beliefs.

5. Eat many small meals instead of the three standard meals. The idea of three square meals a day was not based upon dietary wisdom, but to accommodate workers in an industrial age. Five to seven small meals a day will better assist you to lose weight. Each mini-meal doesn’t need to be balanced, but the total meals should fulfill all your nutritional requirements for the day. The idea is to eat the same amount as you would in three meals, but spread it out over five to seven meals, benefiting digestion, assimilation and metabolism. If you prefer three meals, eat a heavy breakfast, a light lunch and a light, early dinner. Ideally, eat your last meal eight hours before going to bed, so you have plenty of time to burn off the calories. Nothing will add pounds like eating a large meal at seven o’clock, sitting back to watch TV all evening, and then going to bed at eleven.

6. Eat different foods. Research says most overweight people gain weight even when they under-eat. In other words, they gain weight even when they maintain a diet lower in intake than required for body maintenance. Why? The food they eat impairs their metabolism because it lacks sufficient nutrition. If you don’t get enough nutrients your entire metabolism slows down. The idea is to eat real food—not imitation foods, processed food or canned foods. Make sure that what you eat is nutrient-rich. Stop eating foods with sugar in any of its many forms, including dextrose, sucrose, corn syrup and fructose. Replace foods made with refined flour with foods made of whole wheat flour. Eat fresh vegetables, and prepare (or eat) many of them raw.

7. Find the proper balance of carbohydrates, protein and fat in your diet. American dietary guidelines prescribe a diet high in carbohydrates, low in protein, and low in fat as the perfect model for maintaining a low body weight. But new research indicates that if we eat too much carbohydrate, not enough protein, and too little fat, we may actually be keeping ourselves overweight. Whether you believe the USDA guidelines or not, one thing is certain: the percentage of calories that come from carbohydrates, protein and fat is a crucial factor in staying

healthy and fit. Finding this perfect balance requires you to try different dietary formulas until you find the one that works best for you. Conventional wisdom says no more than 15 to 30 percent of our calories should come from protein, no more 15 to 30 percent of our calories should come from fat, and anywhere from 55 to 75 percent of our calories should come from complex carbohydrates. In other words, eat less fat and more carbohydrates and you’ll lose weight. This model for weight loss claims that carbohydrates are the body’s fuel. The more you eat, the more cleanly and efficiently you’ll run. Eating proteins and fat, on the other hand, can clog your motor and slow you down. This high carbohydrate diet works for some people, and for the last fifteen years Americans have been eating less fat and more carbohydrates. But some people believe this formula doesn’t work. New research indicates that when we eat too much carbohydrate, our body cannot convert all of it into fuel, and what remains gets converted into fat. So, the new trend in carbohydrate, protein and fat ratios runs something like this: 30 percent of your daily calories should come from fat, 30 percent from protein, and no more than 40 percent of our daily calories should come from carbohydrates. In this scenario, protein plays a more substantial role and carbohydrate consumption becomes more moderate. Perhaps the key to this new dietary thinking is moderation. Extreme behavior, such as starving your body of fat, causes your body to hold on to the fat it’s already got. Starving your body of calories induces your metabolism to slow down and it burns less fuel. Burning less fuel means those excess carbohydrates in your body get converted into fat. Ultimately, you will have to choose between a high carbohydrate diet or one that balances carbohydrates, proteins and fat in a more moderate ratio. If you choose the high carbohydrate model, preloading is one way of assuring a high carbohydrate meal. Carbohydrate preloading is starting each meal with a starch or carbohydrate such as potatoes, beans, spaghetti, an apple, or a low fat, whole grain bread without butter. The next step is to eat slowly so that the early part of your meal lasts at least 20 minutes. During this time the carbohydrates will activate your hormones, resulting in a reduction of fat craving as you continue your meal. Try this for three days and see if helps reduce your craving for sweets. If so, this may be an effective way for you to control your fat intake. What you think of as a craving for sweets is often a craving for fat. Although you think of candy and ice cream as sugar treats, they are also often high in fat. Fat is considered by nutritionists to be the primary enemy of good health. Read Chapter Eleven to learn more about fat and how it affects your health.

8. Eat more fiber. Eat more fiber—at least 25 to 30 grams a day. Not only is bran fiber rich in nutrients, it slows down the absorption of carbohydrates, and also reduces cholesterol. A ten year health study of middle-aged men in the Netherlands showed that those who ate 27 grams of fiber daily had four times more heart attacks than those who ate 37 grams a day. You need to be aware that too much fiber can cause health problems, but as a general rule it will serve you to eat more whole grains, oat bran, beans, brown rice and other fiber-rich foods. Juicing your fruits and vegetables eliminates most of their fiber content so make sure to eat whole fruits and vegetables too.

9. Take vitamin supplements. If you are bored, stressed, feel rejected, or if you are otherwise dealing with negative emotions, you may be vitamin deficient. Coffee and diets high in carbohydrates, refined sugar and junk food can cause vitamin deficiency—especially of the B complex, which tend to calm you down. Read about the power of vitamins. Health food stores offer antistress, mega-vitamin formulations. And anything you can do to turn your negative emotions into positive emotions will help you resolve your weight problem and improve your health.

10. Cut back on calories. Your metabolism slows down with age. But the good news is it only slows down two percent every ten years. So if your activity level remains constant, all you have to do is reduce your calorie intake by two percent per decade. In other words, an 1,800 caloriea-day diet would only have to be cut back 36 calories. That amounts to a cookie or a teaspoon of butter. The heaviest calories are to be found in alcohol, desserts and fat. A glass of wine contains as many calories as a piece of Boston cream pie. You already know the story on the dessert and fat.

11. Limit your access to undesirable foods. Avoid temptation by limiting your access to undesirable foods, and hide them from sight. Be on the offense—not the defense—at the supermarket. Eat well before doing your grocery shopping. That way it will be easier to resist undesirable food. Shop as seldom as possible, and from a list. Avoid those tempting aisles. If you must stock undesirable foods, put them out of sight, way in the back of your cupboards where they are more difficult to get to. At work, don’t keep food in your work area.

12. Eat more slowly. If you eat quickly, with little time between mouthfuls, large bites and minimal chewing, you have established a “fat” eating pattern, which in turn results in the consumption of more food before you feel satisfied. No matter how much you eat, it takes up to 20 minutes for the “full” feeling to register in your brain. If you will chew your food slowly, put your utensils back on the table between mouthfuls, and extend your mealtime with conversation, you’ll experience the same “full” feeling, but will have eaten less. To minimize second helping temptations, serve the food pre-apportioned on the dinner plates, instead of family style.

13. Satisfy your basic food needs. You need taste and texture variety in your diet to experience eating satisfaction. You must satisfy your basic food needs or it will be very difficult to maintain a dietary program. We all crave different eating experiences: crunchy, salty, smooth and creamy; if you eat a whole meal of lowfat diet crackers you will not be satisfying your basic food needs. You must learn to pick foods that will serve you, or you will have little chance of

maintaining any weight loss. Eat a variety of healthy whole foods and you will feel satisfied and eat less.

14. Start a stress-reduction program. Stress causes people to gain weight and keeps them from losing it. Both overeating and under-eating are common symptoms of stress. When stressed, your body prepares for fight or flight, and your digestion stops to conserve energy. The result is poor digestion, absorption, and food assimilation. Not only are you deficient in nourishment and energy, there is no efficient nutrition replenishment. Then to compensate, you overeat, generating a never ending cycle. If you are an overweight, stressed-out person, the most important thing you can do for yourself is to deal with your stress. Read Chapter Five and incorporate stress reduction meditation or self-hypnosis sessions into your life.

15. Get more involved in life. Researchers have found that boredom triggers eating in people of normal weight and those who are overweight. Are you bored with your work, your relationship, your social life? Overeating generates gratification which helps you to compensate. Overeating also is known to draw blood away from your brain, which can produce a soothing effect. So, if you are bored it is time to get more involved in life. If nothing else, find a civic project you can support. Also, be aware that overweight people tend to be more repressed, tense, anxious and likely to hold anger inside. If you want to lose weight, it is time to learn about self-actualization through reading or involvement with a human potential organization.

16. Learn self-control. You need to be aware that appetite and hunger are two different things. What we think of as hunger is really learned appetite. Real hunger results from the physical need of nourishment, which won’t happen for at least six hours after eating an adequate meal. Real hunger also doesn’t last very long, and few of us ever experience it. Instead, it is your mind that craves the food, and it is through a more intelligent use of your mind that you can break the appetite chain. The idea is to incorporate this awareness into selfcontrol. Self-control can be learned if you’ll just break it down into three stages. First is clarity of intent. Define exactly your weight loss goal. Two: plan for your goal one step at a time. If you attempt to lose too fast you may suffer quick regains. Three: phrase your goals using positive terms—decide what you are going to do, not what you shouldn’t do. The greater your self-control, the more successful you will be.

The next three weight loss tips relate to the three things necessary for permanent weight loss: diet, exercise and behavior modification.

17. Change behaviors. To break the appetite chain, begin to modify your behavior in response to the desire to eat. Know that you are dealing with appetite, not hunger; if you crave a snack, chew gum or brush your teeth. Any physical exercise, from a walk to stretching, will both distract and serve you. A bath or a nap could also help you resist temptation and change your habit patterns. You might even consider putting your bathroom scale in the kitchen next to your refrigerator. Don’t eat while watching television. Set the table and treat yourself to a nourishing well-balanced meal. If you always sit in one particular chair and grab a snack, try not sitting in that chair and see what happens. More than likely you’ll get up and create an activity for yourself, maybe finish that project you’ve been meaning to get to. If you always drive certain streets so as to pass your favorite fast food chain, take a different route. Always try to choose real food over processed foods. Patronize restaurants that only serve healthy food, and ideally avoid the menu which was written to sell you on ordering more than you need. If you are eating with others it might be wise to order first so you aren’t tempted by the orders of the other people.

18. Exercise! Exercise does promote weight loss. Exercise is more effective than dieting to get rid of excess weight. Start an exercise program today. Even if you hate exercise, start walking. There are many books on the market that will provide you with all you need to know. Prevention magazine has a national walking club you may want to investigate. Join a gym. Try not to expect instant results. Begin by walking for ten minutes on a treadmill. Use the exercise machines with the expectation that you won’t look like a pro your first time out. But don’t give up. Go for a swim, ride a bike, do anything as long as it’s safe and gets you moving.

19. When you think negative– use a thought stopping technique. The thought stopping technique is based on the idea that every thought programs your subconscious mind. Positive begets positive, negative begets negative. So, it is critically important to think only positively about accomplishing your weight goals. Always notice self-defeating thoughts immediately, and say these words to yourself, “Success Opportunity.” Then replace the negative thought with a positive one. As an example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’ll never lose these extra pounds.” Stop, and silently in your mind say, “Success Opportunity.” Then, say to yourself, “Every day I lose a little more weight, and I will accomplish my goal.” Then, visualize yourself having already accomplished your weight loss goals. This technique assures positive instead of negative subconscious programming.

20. Consider your eating triggers. Become aware of the eating stimuli in all of your environments. You have probably allowed particular places, activities, or individuals to stimulate your urge to eat. Think about this very carefully. You can’t change what you don’t recognize. So, does doing certain things cause you to feel hungry? What about being with certain people? Once

you have this awareness, plan around it by eating healthy before seeing these people, or keep all food out of the environment. It is also very important to enlist help from your family and friends to support you in your weight loss goals. Chart and monitor your weight loss efforts precisely. Not only can monitoring clue you in as to when eating problems occur, it will also encourage you to try harder if you are faltering, and you will be encouraged by your success. Maintain your weight loss by establishing an internal warning system if you begin to backslide.

21. Use self-hypnosis Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of losing weight. The final chapter tells you how.

Lose Weight Summary 1. Investigate undetected medical causes for being overweight. 2. Take the “Cocoa Pulse Test.” 3. Uncover the psychological cause. 4. Examine your beliefs about weight. 5. Eat many small meals instead of the three standard meals. 6. Eat different foods. 7. Find the proper balance of carbohydrates, protein and fat in your diet. 8. Eat more fiber. 9. Take vitamin supplements. 10. Cut back on calories. 11. Limit your access to undesirable foods. 12. Eat more slowly. 13. Satisfy your basic food needs. 14. Start a stress reduction program. 15. Get more involved in life. 16. Learn self-control. 17. Change behaviors. 18. Exercise! 19. When you think negative—use a thought stopping technique. 20. Consider your eating triggers.

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Affirmations •

The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming.

“I manifest the self-discipline to lose the weight I desire.” “From this moment on, I eat only at meal time.” “I eat smaller portions of healthy foods.” “I eat less calories than I use.” “I’m willing to make the lifestyle and dietary changes required to fulfill my weight-loss goals.” “I exercise regularly.” “My brain produces the proper levels of beta endorphins and seritonin for maximum health and ideal body weight.” “From this moment on, my elimination system functions normally.” “I now lose weight.” ”Every day I lose a little more weight.”

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Think Yourself Healthy You are born with self-corrective potential for health. An ill body occurs when the harmonious balance of mind and body is upset. But you can think yourself healthy; how you think and what you feel influences your physical health. The reverse is also true: if you have a physical symptom for very long, it will change the way you think and feel about everything else. Because your mind and body are inseparable, you must treat your entire self, not just the disease. This chapter will help you discover the infinite potential for self-healing that lies within you.

1. Lower your stress levels. Nervous strain and emotional tension are stressors. Stress-produced adrenaline turns off the thymus gland, a key component of the immune system. The body reacts by shutting down activity in the digestive tract. Blood shifts from the abdominal organs to those essential to muscular exertion and activity, and increased heart muscle contractions occur. Extra red blood cells are discharged from the spleen into the circulation to carry more oxygen to the muscles. Deeper breathing and dilation of the lungs’ bronchial tubes occur and blood sugar flows out of the liver to answer the body’s increased energy demands. Prolonged stress reactions like these can lead to complete exhaustion of the autonomic nervous system, lowering your immune response to disease. Effective stress-reduction techniques, such as meditation, biofeedback, progressive relaxation, positive thinking, and self-hypnosis will help you deal with stress. Read Chapter Two which offers valuable tips and techniques on ways to reduce stress.

2. Be more cheerful and optimistic about life. How a situation is perceived is more important than the actuality of that situation. When an individual interprets a situation and forms an assumption, that assumption continues to operate without his conscious knowledge. Examine your attitudes, both mental and emotional. Emotional factors interfering with mind-body interaction are fear, anger and guilt. All other negative feelings are directly related to these. Fear and anger evolved from basic survival instincts, while guilt is a product of our society—the results of judgments and evaluations based on social customs, expectations and values. Learn to detach from these negative emotions and allow them to flow through you without affecting you. Be more cheerful and optimistic about life. Studies show that optimists tend to be less bothered by physical symptoms than pessimists because optimists cope more effectively with problems and experience fewer stress-related symptoms.

3. Examine your self-image. Self-image plays an important part in the state of your health. An injured or low selfimage can allow you to accept a state of bodily imbalance as normal. Since you are the creator of your own self-image and are the only one capable of changing it, you must ask for and receive your own permission to change, every step of the way. Release the negative emotions of anger, fear and guilt. Forgive yourself and others in order to release the past. Learn to love yourself, and express gratitude and thankfulness for that health in advance, for it will soon become your reality.

4. Don’t discuss your ailments at great length. Discussing your ailments at great length is boring as well as being very negative programming to your subconscious mind. Although it’s important to safeguard your health and protect your body, don’t become fanatical about it. Avoid reading books about disease all the time—the knowledge of everything that can go wrong can make you view even the most trivial symptom as a life-threatening disease. It’s fine to educate yourself and be well-informed, but it seems that people who constantly read books about disease believe they have the symptoms of every ailment described in the book. Instead, read books about health when you’re interested in improving your physical well-being.

5. Get the proper amount of sleep. Lack of sleep undermines your entire nervous system, making you more susceptible to emotional stress and strain, and a variety of contagious and infectious conditions. Peaceful sleep is vital to allow your mind to continue the healing process. Don’t neglect or ignore your health. Take the same good care of your body as you do expensive electronic or other equipment. Your body is a more valuable investment than anything you own.

6. Keep a healthy perspective. How you react to bad news, such as disasters and catastrophes presented on TV news broadcasts and in the newspaper can lead to feelings of helplessness, lack of control and futility. The end result is a lowered immune system response. How do you handle it? Try not to personalize the events; ask yourself whether you have any control over the situation. If the answer is “no,” recognize that it is a random coincidental event that has nothing to do with you. Be reasonably vigilant and accept that a certain amount of risk is part of being alive. Put the events in perspective by challenging irrational beliefs. Try to diminish your reaction to what you read or hear by one-half. Read the newspaper in the morning instead of the evening and don’t listen to news or watch it on television before you go to bed.

7. Become aware of your breathing. Practice deep rhythmical breathing once a day for several minutes to bring fresh oxygen into your body. It eliminates carbon dioxide and other waste products while strengthening and renewing your entire body. Become aware of your breathing. Notice

the frequency and depth of your breathing. Gradually increase the depth of your breathing as you slow the rate. Do this to the point where you are breathing in what you feel is the most relaxing and calming pattern for you. Focus mentally on relaxing with each breath. With each inhalation, breathe with greater calmness and peace. Let go of all tension in your body. See yourself inhaling energy, calmness and relaxation. Exhale tension. Feel yourself blowing away the pressures and stresses of the day with every out breath. Breathe in calmness. Breathe out stress and tension. Maintain this focused breathing for at least ten breaths.

8. Meditate. Relax and rest at least a half hour a day. An ideal time is immediately after your deep breathing exercises. A quiet environment is essential; eliminate distractions and unnecessary noise. Make yourself comfortable and progressively relax your body. Half an hour of quiet relaxation or meditation performed regularly gives your body a chance to recuperate and keeps the immune system strong.

9. Exercise! Proper exercise, done in moderation, is a cornerstone of health. Avoid very aggressive or competitive exercise, which is stressful and can injure the body. Walking one or two miles a day can help your lungs, heart and circulation. Exercises such as yoga, t’ai chi, running and aerobic dancing provide beneficial exercises for the body, mind and spirit!

10. Be less critical of others. Resentment breeds illness. By resenting others, dwelling on perceived injuries and hanging onto anger, you’ll be the one who gets sick, not them. Fear, depression, anger and negative emotions are strong immune system depressors. Don’t get upset and excited over every little thing that happens, especially when it does not affect you or is no concern of yours. Release the negative feeling and let it flow out of you; feel yourself becoming happier and more content.

11. Laugh. Laughter can be the best medicine. It blocks feelings of apprehension and panic that can accompany serious illness, and positively affects your health by helping you maintain a balanced perspective. Positive physical effects include lowered blood pressure, better muscle tension, improved digestion and elevated mood. Laughing makes things seem less frightening and overwhelming. So have fun, watch funny movies or read funny books. Do things that make you laugh.

12. Drink clean water, and lots of it. Good drinking water is important to good health. Because most tap water comes from streams, rivers and reservoirs, it frequently contains pollutants and agricultural wastes, such as fertilizer and insecticide residue. Harmful bacteria may also be present in tap water, as well as nitrites. As many as sixty chemicals may be added to the water by water-treatment facilities, including chlorine, fluorine, lime, copper sulfate,

aluminum sulfate and sulfur dioxide. Additionally, water may be “hard,” which means it contains mineral salts, some of which can be injurious to health even though they occur naturally. The best way to avoid the many chemicals and indigestible minerals found in water, including bottled spring water, is to drink distilled water. This is water that has been boiled, converted to steam, then re-condensed. In this process, everything that is not pure hydrogen is removed. The result is pure water. In the human body, it acts as a solvent to help clean out the arteries, lungs, liver and kidneys. Let your body obtain its minerals from organic fruits and vegetables, not from your water.

13. Nutritionally balance your lifestyle. Good health begins with good nutrition. Food is basic to vitality and health. Reread Chapter Four on ways to make your diet a healthier one. Achieve a balance between the acid and alkaline components in your body. This balance is known as the pH of your body. The pH factor indicates whether a tissue or fluid is alkaline or acid. An imbalance towards acidity can lead to serious health problems. An alkaline diet aids the immune system. The diet recommended by the American Cancer Society is an alkaline diet. Alkaline foods are vegetables, fruits and their juices. Acid foods are starches, sugars, most meats and fats. Dairy products are neither or both. Be aware of your eating patterns. Why and when you eat are as important as what you eat. When eating habits get tied up with boredom, depression, loneliness, anger or feelings of worthlessness, the regulatory mechanisms of the body that deal with the absorption of food are thrown out of balance. Many books are available on good nutrition; learn what your body needs to maintain life and health.

14. Take vitamin C. With a little natural help, our bodies can heal themselves. Vitamins fortify and enhance our body’s own protective mechanisms. Vitamin C is the single most important vitamin to your immune system because it is the anti-stress vitamin. It stimulates the adrenal glands and increases the production of cortisone, a hormone, in the body. Wellknown journalist Norman Cousins was able to overcome two life-threatening diseases by using megadoses of vitamin C, taken with lots of laughter. Incorporate this vitally important vitamin into your healing regimen.

15. Get out into the sun. Along with food, air and water, sunlight is an important factor in good health. It is literally a nutrient to the body, allowing it to grow properly with a minimum of disease. The best known biological effect of sunlight is the production of vitamin D in the skin. This vitamin, which is really a hormone, is essential for normal intestinal absorption of calcium and phosphorus from the diet, and for normal mineralization of bone. It is important for full development of your immune system’s defenses against disease and hence beneficial to general health. Sunlight helps the pineal gland to relieve depression, and activates other important biochemical events in our bodies such as the timing of our biological clocks and circadian rhythms, immune system responsiveness, sexual growth and development, regulation of stress and fatigue, control of viral and cold infections, and dampening of

functional disorders of the nervous system. Exposure to the full range of solar radiation, including the ultraviolet and visible regions of the spectrum, are necessary to obtain these beneficial effects. Of course, it is important for one to use sunblock if planning to be in the sun. But the healing properties of a regular dose of sunshine—a walk in the park, a bike ride, a swim—far outweigh the negative.

16. Listen to music. Use music therapy to improve your health. The process of hearing sounds involves many parts of your body: the ear, the neural connection to the brain and the reactions of the nervous system to sounds. Music therapy is the use of music to bring about changes in emotional or physical health. A theory called “depth provocation” explains that music detours the ego and intellectual controls and directly contacts the emotional centers. Music opens avenues of nonverbal emotional communication. Instrumental music, because it is nonverbal, moves directly through the auditory cortex to the center of emotional responses, stimulating the flow of stored memory material across the brain so that right and left hemispheres of the brain work together. Calming, quieting music produces pain-relieving peptides that bind to specific receptors in the brain. Use soothing, relaxing music with relaxation and visualization to explore imagery while in an altered state of consciousness. New age music and some classical music is appropriate for this therapy, but rock and highly dissonant jazz are not.

17. When you feel sad, go ahead and cry. You may lower your risk of developing serious disease by not suppressing your feeling. Tears are by-products of our body’s waste-removal system. Tears shed in grief or sorrow carry off stress-related chemicals. People who condition themselves not to cry are more susceptible to such stress-related diseases as ulcers, hardened arteries and heart attacks.

18. Cultivate loving relationships. We are all born with the need to love and be loved. Bring lots of tender loving care into your life. Forming close personal ties to friends, family and community may be the most important thing you can do to safeguard your health.

19. Use self-hypnosis. Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of thinking yourself healthy. The final chapter tells you how.

Think Yourself Healthy Summary 1. Lower your stress levels. 2. Be more cheerful and optimistic about life. 3. Examine your self-image. 4. Don’t discuss your ailments at great length.

5. Get the proper amount of sleep. 6. Keep a healthy perspective. 7. Become aware of your breathing. 8. Meditate. 9. Exercise! 10. Be less critical of others. 11. Laugh. 12. Drink clean water, and lots of it. 13. Nutritionally balance your lifestyle. 14. Take vitamin C. 15. Get out into the sun. 16. Listen to music. 17. When you feel sad, go ahead and cry. 18. Cultivate loving relationships.

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Affirmations •

The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “Radiant health is now my reality.” “Every day, I am healthier and healthier.” “I now use the unlimited power of my mind to become healthy.” “I know how to relax completely and release tension from my body and mind.” “My positive, loving attitude keeps me healthy.” “Every day in every way, I love and care about my body and myself more and more.” “My body knows exactly what it needs to stay healthy.” “I visualize perfect health.” “I maintain a state of calmness and tranquility.” “I let negativity flow through me without affecting me.” “My positive attitude keeps me healthy.”

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Reverse Aging What would you say if I told you that men and women in their 60s and 70s can become as fit and energetic as people 20 and 30 years younger? You can look and feel years younger if you are willing to make simple changes in your behavior. As we get older, our cardiovascular and respiratory fitness is reduced. There is a loss of muscle and bone, a stiffening of the joints, and the skin thins and wrinkles. But the good news is that these changes accompany aging, and are not necessarily the inevitable result of aging. There is considerable evidence that shows these aging effects can be slowed down, and in some cases, reversed. This chapter will cover many areas—from the regenerative power of nutrition and proper exercise to the human potential concepts that will help you achieve what you really want out of life. It is not meant to conflict with your own doctor’s advice, which you should obtain before making any changes in your lifestyle.

1. Exercise! Exercise is the easiest and surest way of affecting how you look and feel. It only takes a few minutes a day and the benefits far outweigh the burden. Studies show that you don’t need a particularly strenuous exercise program to achieve the equivalent of ten years’ rejuvenation. You just need to be reasonably active. Adequate oxygen is critical to your cardiovascular and respiratory performance, and declines about one percent a year from age 30 on. Yet research has documented that this can be reversed with an intelligent exercise program. Taking consideration of your age and physical ability, begin an appropriate exercise regimen immediately. Walking is excellent for any age. Walking can decrease body fat and increase overall fitness. Go for a stroll, meander down to the end of your street, saunter over to your favorite book store. Walking rejuvenates you. Brisk walking can lower your blood pressure, relieve arthritis, and help you to lose weight. Swimming, cycling, rowing, yoga, and lifting light weights (3 to 15 lbs.) can have a tremendous impact on how you look and feel. The most important thing is to stay active. The more inactive you are the more difficult it becomes to do routine things like unloading the trunk of your car, gardening, or picking up your child or grandchild. Take the stairs instead of the escalator. Park farther away from your destination instead of right in front. Go to the gym instead of a movie. There are many opportunities to make the active choice every day.

2. Develop your ability to consume more oxygen. As we age, our heart’s ability to carry oxygen and nutrients through the bloodstream steadily declines—approximately 50 percent between the ages of 20 and 90. However, like our other muscles, the heart will stay strong and efficient if it’s exercised.

A five year study of more than two hundred people from ages 57 to 87 was quite dramatic. They walked, jogged, did calisthenics and stretched three to five times a week. Some had been active all their lives, but others had not worked out for years. As early as six weeks into the program, men and women in their 60s and 70s became as fit and energetic as people 20 and 30 years younger. So consider fast walking, running, calisthenics, aerobic classes, bicycle riding, swimming—anything that will increase your aerobic capacity.

3. Learn the key factors to reduce blood pressure. Although in our society we’ve accepted that blood pressure creeps up as we get older, in primitive societies blood pressure rises little, if at all. In these societies, hypertension is practically unknown. Obviously, in our culture we need to relax more and reduce stress, tension and hassles in our lives. A longevity center in Santa Monica, California tested the effects of exercise and diet on a group of volunteers averaging 78 years of age. The diet was high in complex carbohydrates and fiber, and low in fat, salt and cholesterol. Twenty-six days into the test, serum cholesterol dropped from an average of 222 to 179, triglycerides fell an average of 15 points and 9 out of the 18 participants with high blood pressure stopped using their antihypertensive (high blood pressure) medicines. Proper exercise is obviously a key factor in lowering blood pressure. An easy way to reduce your blood pressure is meditation. You should also bring your weight down to where it belongs, reduce your salt intake and get plenty of calcium.

4. Stretch and stay limber. I first studied yoga in the early ‘70s with a teacher in Los Angeles. She also spent two days a week conducting classes in a nearby retirement community. My teacher loved to relate stories of her students who would come to their first class, unable to even bend over to pick up a newspaper. A few months later, they were capable of performing complicated, pretzel-like yoga postures, and walking like they were in their thirties and forties, not their seventies. No matter what your age, yoga and stretching exercises will assist you to act and feel younger. Daily sessions are usually great therapy for backaches and stiff joints. More energy and regular elimination are other benefits awaiting you in a proper stretching program.

5. Protect against bone loss. At about age 35 your bones begin to decline in thickness and strength. The best way to minimize this loss is through dietary change and exercise. Eat a nutritionally regenerating diet and increase your calcium intake. Your body will respond to exercise by strengthening your bones. Inactivity weakens bones. Research has also proven that exercise is doubly effective when combined with higher calcium intake. This can be in the form of dairy products or supplements. One study concluded that women over 35 need to take 800 to 1,000 milligrams of calcium a day to maintain healthy bones.

6. Maintain muscle tone. Although muscle tone declines more slowly than other aspects of fitness, it will always respond to exercise, regardless of age. Muscle strength generally increases up to about age 30 and remains stable until age 50 when it begins to decline. But studies have shown that there is almost no difference between the muscle tone and joint strength of 18 to 40 year old marathon runners, and between that of 40 to 58 year old runners. It is never too late to start using your muscles and reverse the aging process. A routine of light weight lifting is often more healthy than using heavier weights. Three sets of ten using small free weights (anywhere from three pounds to fifteen pounds) will have dramatic results on your muscle tone in just a few regular sessions. Find a video instruction tape or join a health club to learn routines you’ll enjoy and benefit from.

7. Improve the condition of your skin. There is a lot more than plastic surgery that you can do to improve the condition of your skin. First, dermatologists say that wrinkling on the skin, sagging, and spotting of the skin, are part of the aging process, but age alone doesn’t cause them. Sunlight is the primary factor in aging skin. Women have only to look at the underside of their breast to know what their skin would look like if it were not exposed to the sun. Begin minimizing sun exposure and use a sun block on your face, neck, hands, and any other exposed skin. Next, consider exercise—it will flush your skin with blood. In his book Jump For Joy, Dr. James White explains that the cells in the base layer of skin become more active with exercise. He has measured the depth, width and distribution of wrinkles in test groups of women. His research showed that those who spent 30 to 40 minutes a day working out on a small trampoline or jogging (using a sun block), had fewer wrinkles than nonexercisers. Plus, the exercise group received an additional bonus. The bags under their eyes vanished. Exercise increases the skin’s oil and sweatgland production, thus slowing down the aging process. It also eliminates toxins from the body that can dull the skin and cause pimples and other blemishes. Exercise naturally raises the temperature of your skin which increases the production of collagen. Cigarette smoking is also harmful to your skin. Not only does it assure vertical wrinkle lines in the upper lips, it also causes wrinkles all over the face because nicotine constricts the capillaries that nourish the skin. Two additional factors responsible for skin aging are improper diet and stress. Creams and lotions containing vitamin C help your skin to synthesize new collagen. A small amount of this cream applied to skin rejuvenates and enlivens the face and skin. Alpha-hydroxy acids can also be effective in plumping the surface skin cells and giving your skin a healthy glow. Don’t be fooled by some cosmetics companies who offer preparations containing as little as two or three percent alpha-hydroxy acids. These low concentrations are virtually ineffective. Look for products containing five percent or higher. If you have sensitive skin, be sure to closely monitor the effects of these lotions as they may irritate your skin. Start with one of the lower concentrations and work up to the higher levels.

8. Exercise your brain. Studies have proven that 75- to 85-year-olds can learn as fast as high schoolers. Your brain doesn’t shrink or deteriorate with age, but if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. In other words, you have to exercise your brain just like the rest of your body. In addition to thinking yourself younger, exercise will accelerate the process. The more the exercise generates oxygen to the brain, the more effective it will be.

9. Think of yourself as young and vibrant. The power of thought is the highest power in the universe, and you are what you think. If you think of yourself as young and vibrant, you will be younger and more vibrant. But be warned—it also works the other way. You are the sum total of all your past experiences from your birth to the present moment. These experiences represent all of your programming; memories wholly retained in your subconscious memory banks. Thus, your subconscious mind has made you what you are today—your talents and abilities, problems and afflictions are the result of the intuitive guidance of your subconscious. It has been directing you and it will continue to direct you, often in opposition to your conscious desires. Why? Because the subconscious has no reasoning power. It simply operates like a computer, functioning as the result of programming. Every thought programs the computer—you have to think something before you can speak or act. Thus, if you are thinking more negatively than positively, you are literally creating a negative reality because your subconscious mind works in pictures, never in words or abstract concepts. You create a picture of yourself as old, and then attach the message, “But I don’t want to be that way.” Unfortunately, your subconscious mind does not understand a negative command. It does not understand that these pictures you send it are undesirable. So begin to think in positive images. See yourself as strong, healthy and happy. Visualize your desires and dreams, not your fears and worries. It isn’t what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are.

10. Eliminate the stress and tension in your life. Stress prematurely ages you, robs you of energy, and is implicated in an everincreasing number of serious health problems. To learn how to unstress, you have to understand how you became stressed in the first place. Reread Chapter Two “Reduce Stress” to identify other stress factors in your life and how to eliminate them.

11. Accept that what is, is. There are things you can change in life and things you can’t change. And it takes an aware person to recognize the difference. There has been much suffering as a result of people resisting what is. Gravity exists, that’s what is. Your mate is quiet and stubborn, that’s what is. More often than not, we waste our time trying to change other people. Be aware that any time you attempt to change your spouse, your kids, your friends, your career, or your business, you are responding to the illusion that other people and events are doing something to you. Instead you need to change how you relate to these people and

circumstances, which are incapable of doing anything to you anyway. They simply trigger feelings that lie within you. You choose how you are going to react.

12. Reverse all the deficiencies in your life. What aren’t you getting enough of? You’ll have to review your current life to see what you’re missing. It could be sleep or exercise, personal touch, sex or proper diet. Obviously nutrition and exercise are important, but it is equally important to examine your deeper psychological and physiological needs. Very often, we deprive ourselves of the essentials because we view them as luxuries. We all need to love and be loved. We all need to do things that increase our self-esteem. On your own, complete a deficiency review.

13. Reduce all your excesses. People who have experienced a heart attack have to change their way of living if they want to remain living. This includes strict adherence to proper diet, including a reduction of cholesterol and salt, and many other considerations. Why wait for a life threatening situation to cause you to make the diet and lifestyle changes you know will improve your health? Get your lifestyle nutritionally balanced. Reread Chapters Eleven on reducing cholesterol and Chapter Six, “Lose Weight” for tips on how to do this.

14. Avoid negative people and those who dwell on their aches and pains. Positive thinking and positive input programs a positive life. Negative thinking and negative input programs negative experiences—and prematurely ages you. So, if you want to be happy healthy, and successful, surround yourself with happy, healthy, and successful people. If you want to be more youthful, associate with people who enjoy doing youthful things. Youthfulness and vitality will rub off on you.

15. Stay sexually active. Age is no excuse on this one. Anyone can draw upon contemporary sexual technology for assistance if necessary. After menopause, some women who experience reduced sexual desire are using hormone-replacement therapy that include testosterone. Research studies have shown that these women are twice as likely to be involved in a fulfilling sexual relationship, as compared to those who receive estrogen alone. Statistics show that generally, 40- to 60-year-olds have active sex lives and two out of three men in their 70s are still sexually active.

16. Nourish your primary relationship. Nourish your primary relationship and be alert to signs of boredom and burnout. Chapter Ten “Improve Your Love Life” goes into complete detail on this subject. Following are the twelve critically important considerations for permanent love: 1) LOVE: each will love as the other wants to be loved; 2) ACCEPTANCE: treasure the other’s uniqueness without expectations of change;

3) COMMITMENT: both of you must totally commit to the relationship—physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially. Withholding reflects undermining doubts; 4) SUPPORT: encourage each other in ways that increase self-esteem; 5) DETACHMENT: let the little things go; 6) COMMUNICATION: openly share yourself, discuss mutual needs and compromise on solutions; 7) LISTEN: be willing to appreciate the other’s position even when you don’t agree; 8) COMFORT: be friends as well as lovers. Let your union be a refuge of balance and harmony; 9) TRANSCEND ANGER: hostility arises only from the expectation of having things your way; 10) TIME: share activities that serve as building blocks of a good relationship; 11) TRANSCEND BLAME: resist the expression of self-pity, which is incompatible with karma; and 12) SPIRITUALITY: foster each other’s spiritual growth. Even if your relationship isn’t everything you want it to be, seek joy and fulfillment in what you have before looking elsewhere. It will probably be much wiser to make some changes in your own internal standards, instead of searching for emotional stimulation in a new situation.

17. You create your reality with your beliefs. It is your beliefs that generate your thoughts and emotions that create all your experiences. It doesn’t even matter if the beliefs are true or not. If you believe something it becomes true for you—and it programs your subconscious mind. Your beliefs are not hidden. They are part of your conscious awareness. It’s just that they are probably unexamined because people don’t normally explore beliefs, or more often they accept them as facts. Obviously, most of us are aware of our religious and political beliefs, but it is harder to pin down beliefs about how, who and what you are, and how these beliefs are creating your reality. So, the question to be asking yourself is, “What are my deep-seeded beliefs about getting older?” Maybe you’ve been negatively programmed by observing some bad examples. Maybe you’ve accepted some ideas that just aren’t valid. Remember, it doesn’t matter if the beliefs are true or not. But the good news is this also applies to positive beliefs about aging, and reversing the aging process. Isn’t it time you programmed beliefs to make yourself younger?

18. Investigate all the anti-aging nutrients. Proper doses of vitamins and minerals can change your life. Most nutritionists suggest supplements, but you need expert advice, or you need to do your own research before purchasing vitamins. A good health food store is one place to find books on the subject.

19. Learn and apply the concept of aliveness. When life isn’t as fulfilling as you want it to be, it is time to explore your level of aliveness. Aliveness is excitement; enjoyment in doing what you do. It’s the blood

pumping exhilaration, challenge, joy, stimulation and pleasure that makes life worth living. Have you traded freedom and aliveness for security? Is your life so routine and dull you have to look for places to hide? Some people hide by becoming couch potatoes addicted to TV, others gossip on the telephone. Some go to bars or seek out other empty distractions. You need to know that your mind can’t accept a mundane reality for long. Eventually, it will subconsciously create some excitement to make life more interesting. It might make you sick, cause you to have an accident, or create some other kind of complication. It can generate circumstances that will result in the destruction of your relationship, health or career just so you’ll have the challenge of rebuilding it. People who feel and act younger, and get sick less often then their peers, are people who are excited and enthusiastic about life. They have goals they want to accomplish, and dreams they want to experience. They are open-minded people with a sense of humor and strong self-esteem. They are also people with personal discipline and a real sense of responsibility. And they usually have a personal philosophy that gives their lives meaning.

20. Regardless of your age, find a new pastime/hobby. Chasing dreams is for the young at heart. What if, like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, you could just click your heels and make a wish, to develop a new ability, or get involved in an exciting activity? What would you wish for? Don’t limit your thinking. There are always many ways to experience something. And, one step at a time, create it.

21. Enjoy your work. Your life’s work should be something that you do naturally and well ... something you love to do. Something that brings you joy. It will keep you forever young. Maybe we’re here on earth to learn that life is what we make it ... and it’s to be enjoyed.

22. Use self-hypnosis. Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of reversing aging. The final chapter tells you how.

Reverse Aging Summary 1. Exercise! 2. Develop your ability to consume more oxygen. 3. Learn the key factors to reduce blood pressure. 4. Stretch and stay limber. 5. Protect against bone loss. 6. Maintain muscle tone. 7. Improve the condition of your skin. 8. Exercise your brain.

9. Think of yourself as young and vibrant. 10. Eliminate the stress and tension in your life. 11. Accept that what is, is. 12. Reverse all the deficiencies in your life. 13. Reduce all your excesses. 14. Avoid negative people and those who dwell on their aches and pains. 15. Stay sexually active. 16. Nourish your primary relationship. 17. You create your reality with your beliefs. 18. Investigate all the anti-aging nutrients. 19. Learn and apply the concept of aliveness. 20. Regardless of your age, find a new pastime/hobby. 21. Enjoy your work.

•

Affirmations •

The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “Every day I feel more youthful and enthusiastic.” “I now unleash the youthful vigor that lies within me.” “I choose to live a healthy lifestyle of proper diet and exercise.” “I am excited about life and I feel vigorous.” “I am as young as I feel and every day I feel younger.” “I now recapture my youthful vigor and enthusiasm.” “Every day I think more positively.” “I really feel good.” “One secret to reverse aging is proper diet and exercise.” “What I think I am creates my reality.” “I detach from stress and allow it to flow through me without affecting me.” “I no longer resist what I cannot change.” “I now eliminate all excess in my life.” “I balance my life and my life works.” “I now act younger and feel younger.”

C H A P T E R

N I N E

Find Love & Create A Successful Relationship Do you know what you are looking for in a lover or a mate? What kind of person do you really want? You have likes and dislikes, beliefs and attitudes, and you live a particular lifestyle. Some of these factors should be compatible with an ideal lover. So you need a clear picture of what kind of person fits your needs, in order to find them. There are things about others that turn you off and turn you on. List the characteristics you would like in your ideal lover, including appearance, beliefs, habits, and values. Maybe you cannot handle someone who smokes or likes to bowl. Fine. Make a list of the positive qualities you would hope to find and the negative qualities that are not negotiable. At the same time, you must be prepared to create a relationship with a human being, not a fantasy playmate. Your expectations must include a willingness to love someone as they are, not as you would like them to be. Next, make a list about yourself, focusing upon your best qualities—your positive traits and your accomplishments. The idea is to illustrate what you have to offer in return. It’s important to realize that you deserve a loving relationship. If you want someone to fall in love with you, you must recognize that you have something unique, positive and interesting to offer. We are all unique and worthy of being loved. But unless you have a sense of what you have to offer, you are going to have a hard time projecting it to another person. Recognize things that you have accomplished, even if they didn’t make the newspapers. Then create an honest assessment of your positive traits, such as loyalty, dependability, humor, and thoughtfulness. List the things you enjoy doing most, together with your basic values. This list will be important to you in several ways, so spend some time putting it together. Then take a look at the two lists. Are they in the same ballpark? You don’t really need to find a clone of yourself, but there should be a reasonable meshing of characteristics, values and interests. Time and the dating process will help you to discover how the compatibility factors will work out.

1. Create A Positive Self-Image To establish clarity of intent, you must create a positive self-image and become comfortable with the idea of being in a relationship with someone you find attractive. If you don’t believe you are worthy of loving and being loved, it is not going to happen. So the first step is to know what you want in an ideal mate, and then to feel good about yourself as a person. If you don’t love yourself, you subconsciously won’t believe that anyone else could love you ... and you won’t allow a relationship to manifest.

Our self-image is created by a lifetime of feedback from the world around us. Perhaps the most common problem with self-image today has to do with appearance versus the media and the culturally-accepted norm. We are all bombarded with ads featuring beautiful people getting what they want by using particular products or wearing specific clothes. Obviously, looking your best, having nice clothes and projecting a positive image is desirable. It is a good way to suggest to others that you feel good about yourself. But don’t compare yourself to the people on the magazine covers and in the TV ads. The right way for you to be attractive is to relax and be yourself. Express yourself, your unique qualities and enthusiasm for life and the people around you. Warmth, sensuality, sensitivity, and humor have nothing to do with looks, clothing, money or fame. Forget the media image of what is appropriate and start to project the real you—the authentic you. Then you will find yourself attractive to others and on the road to a realistic and satisfying relationship. If you’re not 100-percent happy with the real you, you have the power and ability to enhance who you really are. I’ll talk more about that soon.

2. Strike A Balance Recognize that shyness and excessive concern about your image is a kind of selfabsorption. Try to be more interested in your date and a little less concerned about your own hairstyle or bald spot. As you get involved in meeting new people, you want to find out about them and allow them to get to know you. If you remember to strike a balance between asking about them and telling about you, the relationship will progress more easily. And your concerns about your own imperfections will seem less important.

3. Project Charisma Projecting charisma is an important part of connecting with people. If you were to take a charisma class to enhance who you are, the instructor would work with you on several points you can develop on your own, or with the assistance of self-change programming tapes. The following are the key factors for developing charisma: 1) Project an inner-warmth and friendliness, 2) Act self-assured and independent, 3) Project self-confidence, 4) Be open and approachable, 5) Be sensitive and allow others to know it, 6) Project confident posture and assertive body language, 7) Be secure enough to let your vulnerability show . . . and remember, 8) one of the most appealing human characteristics is the ability to make other people feel at ease.

4. Your Traits, Habits and Viewpoints Are Alterable When it comes to enhancing who you are, realize that your personality is the sum total of all your past programming. In addition to your inherited characteristics, your personality amounts to an interaction of your traits, habits and viewpoints. These factors are acquired, not inherited, thus they are alterable with new programming. Selfhypnosis as described in the final chapter is ideal for reprogramming your personality.

5. Seize the Moment Have a talk with yourself about seizing the moment. Change begins with action, so whenever an opportunity arises to meet someone attractive, you must act. Opportunities are often fleeting. If you make eye contact with someone interesting, don’t let the opportunity slip away. Start a conversation. Chances are, you have an opportunity to meet many attractive people every day, but you’re shy about making the moves. Make a commitment to yourself, to act every time an opportunity arises. Also, never decline an invitation to go out when the alternative is staying home. Even if you are not enchanted by your date, going out generates confidence ... and you never know who you might meet.

6. Be Creative About Meeting Eligible People Where do you meet someone like the person on your wish list? Use your lifestyle to your advantage. If you enjoy the outdoors, join a walking group, or the Sierra Club. If you have a hobby or a sport you enjoy, use it to meet new people. And be creative in deciding how to meet eligible people. As an example, if you are clear about wanting to meet someone with money, you can buy a few shares of public stock in many of the companies with home offices in your area. This insures that you will be invited to all stock holder’s meetings. Hundreds are usually in attendance, and the odds of meeting wealthy people are high. Other ways to meet the wealthy might include attending the local auto and boat shows. Some of those examining the most expensive displays might be good prospects. Cultural activities also tend to bring out the money crowd. Another idea would be to get a weekend job in an exclusive store. The idea is to decide exactly what you want, be creative about your approach, and then stop procrastinating and act to manifest the reality you want to experience. Every city has adult education classes and they are an ideal place to meet someone who shares one of your interests. Check the calendar section of your newspaper for special-interest events, such as seminars. Chances are, this weekend there is a free event on reincarnation, real-estate investment, environmental activism, and hundreds of other subjects. And there are always museums, galleries, and other public functions. Each gives you a chance to meet and talk with new people in a positive, stimulating situation.

7. Personal Ads Work If You Use Them Correctly Put an ad in the personals and answer several you find interesting. Today, with the Internet, this is easier than ever. Whatever you do, don’t make the mistake of thinking you are too good for this, or that you are not good enough. Many others like yourself are extremely busy and this is their only opportunity to make contact. Or maybe they are too shy to approach others in public. Personal ads can work, if you screen them and are direct and honest about who you are and what you want.

8. Get A Conversation-Starting Dog Have you ever noticed how strangers feel safe in opening a conversation if you are carrying a cute child or walking a dog that is cute or in some way outstanding? It is

almost magical, so get a conversation-starting dog and walk it through the areas populated by the kind of people you want to meet. And if you’re walking the dog or taking your wash to the laundromat, make sure you look good. If you’re a woman wear makeup. If you’re a man, shave and put on some bronzer. Make sure your clothes are flattering. Obviously, the more flattering, the better. You never know when you’re going to meet that special person. Research proves we tend to mentally judge new people within seven seconds of meeting them.

9. Ask Direct Questions Direct questions are a great conversation starter. If you’re standing in a movie line next to someone attractive, ask them what they know about the movie. If you’re a woman in a health club, ask for some advice about the equipment. If you’re a man in a health club, ask the woman next to you for some nutritional advice. People love to give their opinion or share their expertise. A way to find good prospects without risking rejection is called the “calling card routine.” The idea is to go where there are a lot of people—a single’s bar or any crowded environment. Go up to the most likely potential lover. Spend no more than five minutes talking to the individual and then say something to the effect of, “It’s been great talking to you, may I have your business card.” Few people will refuse, and most people will ask for yours in return. If they don’t have a card, give them yours. Move on to another person and another, until you have gathered several cards within a short amount of time. Make notes about the individuals and their interests on the back of the card. Using this technique, you could cover several locations in one evening. Next, phone the people you like best at their offices. Make sure it is a good time to call, and see if you can set up a date for lunch or dinner. If you hear any resistance in their voice, simply say, “I probably called at a bad time. Let me leave my number and you can call me when you can talk.” If they don’t ever call, it is an easy rejection. And they might already be involved with someone else.

10. Share A Task With Someone Here is a great way to develop a relationship. Share a task with someone. Working together builds a bond. It could be a personal project, an activist situation, or volunteer, school, or civic project. Just open your eyes to all the opportunities around you to get involved with others. If you’re looking for a relationship, and you haven’t already told your married friends that you’re looking to meet new people, do it. There is a natural match-maker in all of us. The more friends you have of your same sex, the more people you will meet of the opposite sex—through their friends, co-workers and at parties. Then of course, you can always arrange to meet some of your office phone contacts. Take one of those faceless voices to lunch. If you desire to establish a primary relationship, you need to accept that fate isn’t going to send the love of your life storming through the door while you sit at home.

11. Give Up Perfectionism If you want a relationship, you have to act. And you have to rise above your illusions. Research studies of single people who suffered from loneliness, showed that

they had rigid and demanding expectations about their relationships. It also turned out that their loneliness was less related to the actual number of dates or partners that they had, but to their own inability to accept and enjoy others. Perfectionism is not a positive trait in establishing relationships. If you’re looking for love, that means giving trust and acceptance to someone and loving them as they are, not as you’d like them to be. The usual feeling that signals a true-love relationship is recognition—talking to someone that understands you and what you are trying to say, from the outset—a sense of intimacy and sharing without effort. This doesn’t mean that all goes smoothly at every moment. But a basic willingness to accept people as they are is the beginning of unconditional love.

12. Explore Any Hidden Payoffs to Remaining Single Maybe proceeding any further, you need to explore any hidden payoffs to remaining single. I once processed a woman who said she wanted to find a mate and develop a meaningful relationship. She was extremely overweight and did nothing to make herself look more attractive. Working with her revealed that if she did find a mate, she felt that he would be possessive and restrict her activities. She hated the idea of washing a mans clothes. Cooking regular meals was an awful idea. She would never tolerate a man watching football games in her living room, and doubted she would enjoy his family and friends. Obviously, there was a payoff in keeping things exactly as they were. If you get what you want, things will change. What are the changes you won’t like? Any psychological blocks will be found among the changes you won’t like. The first step in removing a block is to bring it to the surface. Second, resolve it through logical evaluation, or with mind programming, or the help of counselor or therapist.

13. Find Ways to Make Time The primary excuse for not developing a relationship is, “I don’t have enough time to start looking for one.” But you can make time by eliminating something else that is less important. What is your real priority? You know that if something is not a high priority, it keeps getting bumped to the bottom of the list. If this is the case, maybe you are fooling yourself about what you really want. Making the time to find a lover means making a commitment to working toward that goal in realistic ways. So, budget your time. Check your calendar and start eliminating things you do just to keep busy. If necessary, do some extra work so you can hire a maid, or a gardener, or a baby-sitter, to give yourself more time. The time problem is all in your mind. Like everyone else, you probably spend a good percentage of your time being busy being busy. Ask yourself how much of your routine is essential and how much is habitual. Habits can be eliminated.

14. A Realistic Assessment is Essential Examine attitudes that will blow your potential union out of the water. If your life has not been working in the way you want it to, contemporary therapy suggests that you need more realistic approaches to your goals. You need to reprogram or reeducate yourself so that your actions promote inner-harmony rather than disharmony. What is

right for you in a relationship is not necessarily what is right for someone else. But we all seek love and acceptance from other human beings.

15. Act By The End Of This Week Are you prepared to begin a new program to find a lover by the end of this week? If not, why not? If you are not enthusiastic, you are probably being blocked by some basic fears, such as fear of failure, fear of rejection, or fear of success. Fear of success means that you are still ambivalent about finding someone and entering into a serious relationship. That’s perfectly normal. You’ve adjusted to being single over a period of time and there are some apparent benefits. You do what you want, when you want, without having to deal with another person in your life. But as discussed in tip 12, you need to understand any psychological blocks that are working against you.

16. Explore the Advantages of a Relationship Versus Remaining Single Make a short list of the major benefits of having someone in your life. Then, list the advantages of remaining single. Do these two lists opposite of each other on the same sheet of paper. Compare them very carefully. If the advantages of a relationship don’t win out, you don’t really have a problem, just a little confusion about your goals. In that case, you can still use this information to find a good relationship, if not necessarily the permanent kind. Who knows, you might even change your mind.

17. The Unknown Always Contains Risk If you do want a relationship, despite some sense of risk, remember that the unknown always contains risk. If you are afraid, your fear involves failure or rejection. But the worst thing that can happen to you is your efforts will not produce what you want. You end up being right back where you are now, having had some interesting and rewarding experiences. And by following these guidelines, your odds are overwhelmingly in favor of you finding and dating eligible partners. Getting into the swim of dating does include the possibility of emotional hurt, should you fall in love and not find it reciprocated. But wouldn’t you agree that even that would be a small price to pay? Wouldn’t you also agree that the chance of success is worth the risk of the pain? You are not really that fragile. While the possibilities of failure and pain exist, you must believe that the reward is well worth the risk involved. Conversely, the possibility of never finding someone also holds the possibility of another kind of pain.

18. You Will Survive and You Know It The other kind of fear that people experience is performance. For example, “What if I go out with someone and act like a fool?” Or, “What if I don’t know what to say?” Or, “What if I can’t perform sexually?” What will happen is that you will survive. And deep inside, you know it. If you don’t pretend to be someone you are not, there is very little chance of making a fool of yourself or having your date go badly. And there are no real requirements for

performance on a first date ... or even a fifth date, beyond common curiosity and common sense. When you begin seeing someone, if you feel uncomfortable, shy, or tense, chances are your partner is experiencing something similar. If you mention your uneasiness in a relaxed way, your date will probably say something like, “I’m glad you said that. I was feeling the same way.” Then the ice is broken and you’re just two human beings getting to know each other.

20. Twelve Tenets For A Successful Relationship How do you make sure that the relationship is successful once the bonding is established? Obviously nothing about human relations can be guaranteed, but to love and be loved is the deepest psychological need in human beings. In the ideal relationship, both partners maintain their integrity and individuality while—through their union—increasing the potential to become all they are capable. Before we were married 19 years ago, my wife Tara and I developed 12 tenets we felt would increase the odds of a establishing, a warm, fulfilling, growth-oriented, long-term relationship: LOVE

Love each other as you would be loved, cherishing the passion and joy, while allowing the negativity to flow through you without affecting you. ACCEPTANCE

Treasure each other’s uniqueness and accept each other as you are without expectations of change. COMMITMENT

Totally commit to your relationship—mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially. Withholding reflects doubts that will undermine the foundation of your union. SUPPORT

Support each other in ways that increase self-esteem. This is critical to a good relationship, for to love another you must love yourself. DETACHMENT

Let the little things go. Before reacting negatively, ask yourself, “Does it really matter or am I just acting out of a need to be right?” COMMUNICATION

Openly communicate and share yourself. The greatest gift you can give each other is to be all of who you really are. Be willing to discuss needs and compromise solutions. LISTEN

Listen to each other and be willing to appreciate the other’s position even when you don’t agree. Also, learn to hear what isn’t being verbalized.

COMFORT

Provide comfort to each other in the midst of worldly concerns. Be friends as well as lovers and let your union be a refuge of balance and harmony. TRANSCEND ANGER

Rise above anger by saying to yourself, “I am angry because I had expectations of gaining approval or control in this situation. These are not my rights.” TIME

Always make time for each other and find fulfillment in the current moment. Shared activities are the building blocks of a good relationship. TRANSCEND BLAME

Blame is an expression of self-pity and only makes matters worse by programming your subconscious mind negatively. SPIRITUALITY

Encourage each other to evolve spiritually. Through faith, you can transcend the darkness and attain peace of mind.

21. Use self-hypnosis Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of finding love and creating a successful relationship. The final chapter tells you how.

Find Love Summary 1. Create a positive self-image. 2. Strike a balance. 3. Project charisma. 4. Your traits, habits and viewpoints are alterable. 5. Seize the moment. 6. Be creative about meeting eligible people. 7. Personal ads work if you use them correctly. 8. Get a conversation-starting dog. 9. Ask direct questions 10. Share a task with someone. 11. Give up perfectionism. 12. Explore any hidden payoffs to remaining single. 13. Find ways to make time. 14. A realistic assessment is essential. 15. Act by the end of this week. 16. Explore the advantages of relationship versus remaining single. 17. The unknown always contains risk. 18. You will survive and you know it. 20. Twelve tenets for a successful relationship.

• Affirmations • The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “I now create the space in my life for the perfect love relationship.” “Finding the right love relationship has a top priority.” “I willingly commit the time and energy necessary to find a loving relationship.” “I now seize the moment and act immediately to meet people.” “I am clear on my intent to meet the perfect lover.” “I project warmth and openness.” “I am ready to give and receive unconditional love.” “I now focus the power of my subconscious mind upon drawing the perfect lover into my life.” “I project sensitivity and vulnerability.” “I project self-confidence and independence.” “I will love my lover as I would be loved.” “I will treasure my lover’s uniqueness and totally commit to the relationship.” “I will support my lover in ways that increase self-esteem.” “I will detach from negativity and let the little things go.” “I will openly communicate and share myself, and I will be a good listener.” “I will comfort my lover and make time to spend together.”

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Improve Your Love Life What kind of relationship do you desire to establish? Is it time to change how you view your relationship? Everyone wants to have a warm, joyful, fulfilling relationship in which shared experiences encourage mutual growth and happiness. But many people would be thrilled just to find themselves in a relationship that is not a source of pain or anguish. Even when the relationship doesn’t breed conflict, couples often experience the fear-based emotions of jealousy, possessiveness, anger and envy. Yet they talk of love. Don’t wait for your mate to effect positive change. Like any aspect of life; you get as much out of a relationship as you put into it. Most people don’t take the initiative in their lives. Rather, they live life at minimal risk, waiting for others to take the initiative so they can react. Positive change must begin with your efforts. You may fear you will be rejected or your attempts may fail. Maybe you won’t succeed, but at least you become an active participant and know you gave your best. Responsibility is the basis of transformation.

1. Do things together. Activity builds a strong foundation for a good relationship. These activities should be other than having sex or watching television together. Get out and exercise together, work on a shared hobby, socialize, share a crossword puzzle, cook a gourmet meal together or do something you both enjoy. When you can be friends as well as lovers your union will be much more likely to serve as a refuge of balance and harmony.

2. Do things separately. Individual activity is essential for the personal development of each partner. Always challenge yourself with new learning that will support your self-esteem. You need to take the time to nourish yourself emotionally and psychologically. Remain independent in spirit, yet committed to the partnership.

3. Support each other in ways that increase self-esteem. This is critical to a good relationship, for to love another you must love yourself. And if you feel good about yourself it is much more likely that you will feel good about the relationship. Provide comfort to each other in the midst of worldly concerns.

4. Realize the importance of sex– make time, make it important. The hectic pressures of dealing with career and family make it difficult to sustain love and passion in our modern world. Today, the modern working woman is often too tired, busy, or exhausted to put a great deal of energy into feeling sexy. Men are no different. Plan your lovemaking times so you have the energy and imagination to give it your best. Don’t wait until bedtime to start thinking about sex. Begin the foreplay outside of the bedroom, in your mind’s eye. Allow erotic thoughts to flicker in your mind throughout the day. This can lead to a more exiting sexual encounter later on. Your mind is the most erotic organ in your body. Use it to create sexy situations. Talk sexy and make sexy requests. If you’re a woman ask him to unzip your dress, or say, “I want to make love to you right now because I feel so turned on by you.” Tell him you’re not wearing any panties. Tell her you want to read her some erotic passages from a book. Flirt with each other using clothing, settings, voice inflection, eye language, and body language. Flirting is playing ... it’s a come-on. Be attentive and appreciative. There are no rules and it’s all a matter of personal taste, but make the effort to make the effort. We all know how to flirt, even if we think we don’t. Sex is a great reliever of tension, and some experts say it even slows the aging process of the skin. As exercise, sex benefits your heart just as aerobics do. And, statistics show that nuns and women who abstain from sex have more cancer of the uterus, ovaries and breasts than those experiencing active sex lives. Evidence suggests that sexual contentment can normalize irregular menstrual cycles and alleviate PMS. Food and sex both provide physical gratification. When you don’t experience enough touching and tenderness, or if you feel unwanted you may turn to food to fulfill your needs. So make sex a priority in your life. If you allow other things to be more important, chances are you aren’t going to experience first-rate sex.

5. Take time for honest verbal communication in which real sharing takes place. Communication between the sexes has never been easy and today, with both men and women working it’s a wonder we have any time at all for intimate exchange and contact. But lack of communication is often the primary cause of problems. One person doesn’t know how the other really feels because there has been no direct discussion of the subject. Either it is too difficult to say what we really feel or both people assume they know and have thus established distorted concepts and behaviors based upon their own inaccurate viewpoint. Realize that a dull love life may be the result of other problems in your relationship. The greatest aphrodisiac is a loving and caring relationship. A relationship history of conflicts, fights, and unresolved hurts is going to dampen your love life. If that’s the case it’s time to end the conflict and begin rebuilding your relationship by showing that you care. Compromise and mutual confrontation of problems is critical to a successful, longlasting relationship.

A good place to begin communicating is with a listening lesson. In your particular situation it may be difficult to ask your partner to really talk openly. But you can broach the subject by offering to let them speak uninterrupted for ten minutes. Then it will be your turn to talk for ten minutes. When you’re both done, you’ll talk to each other, but only ask questions. Neither of you are allowed to make any statements; you will only be able to phrase your responses in the form of a question. This exercise blocks you from responding defensively, and teaches both of you to listen with an open mind. The second step in the listening lesson exercise is to communicate with each other as you would normally, but tape-record the conversation. Then after 30 minutes, listen to the tape together—to what is said and to the tone of your voices. Then, each of you is allowed ten uninterrupted minutes to tell your partner how you feel about the recorded communications. The third step can be verbally communicated, or written for those who find it easier to write than talk. The idea is to come up with ten things about your partner that bother you. After trading lists each of you is allotted uninterrupted communication time. And again, this is followed by questions only ... then, full non-defensive communication. This step in the exercise should be given an adequate amount of time to assure that your list is not motivated by anger or fear. Try to communicate with a generous spirit; often these things are lifelong behaviors that the other person doesn’t even recognize as bothersome. The fourth step is to verbally communicate or write down five relationship situations that upset you so much you haven’t been able to get over them. These are usually more emotional circumstances and require patience and the willingness to accept personal responsibility. Follow this with the same uninterrupted communication, followed by questions only, and then full non-defensive communication. If you can challenge yourselves to participate in this exercise, you will be amazed at the progress you can make.

6. Talk about your sex life. When discussing sex with your partner, it may be necessary to let your mate know that you’re talking about something very important to you. Never approach the discussion negatively, or with blame. If you do, your partner will become defensive. Instead, start the discussion by saying, “There is so much that I enjoy about our sex life, but what about considering some ways to make it even better?” And once you start talking, talk for short periods, and then give your lover a chance to respond. Open, honest communications are critical to improving your love life. Don’t expect your lover to read your mind. Really communicate. Even if it is difficult for you, take a chance and share your needs, desires, wishes and fantasies. You may feel that your partner should know these things without being told, but that often isn’t the case. Honestly communicate your needs. If you don’t you are wearing a mask. A mask of repression, a fear-based emotion we all experience. However, what you repress never goes away. It will surface when you grow tired of resisting it. It’s like holding a rubber raft under the water. As long as you exert enough effort you can hold it down, but eventually, you’ll get tired, and it will surface in an undesirable form. Repressed sexual energy can become perverted or turn into anger. The only way to eliminate repression is to be direct and honest in your communications.

7. Don’t be afraid to share your sexual fantasies. Everyone, at least on occasion, has fantasies before and during sex. If they won’t admit it, they don’t feel secure enough to share themselves totally. If this is the case you need to make your partner feel more secure, or you must talk to your lover about your own security needs. Life is insecure, love is insecure. Insecurity is based on the belief that you won’t ever have enough: enough love, enough sex, enough attention ... but the most you can ever get from your lover is for them to be all of who they really are. And vice versa. This means you must be all of who you really are. No masks. Share everything, including your wildest fantasies. Fantasies aren’t good or bad, they just are, and there should be no judgment involved. Having a wild fantasy doesn’t mean it has to be expressed in reality. Most fantasies are never manifested. But sharing your fantasy will surely turn you on, and it might turn on your lover. Here are eight of the most common female fantasies, according to several surveys: 1) Sex with a man she hasn’t had intercourse with; 2) Past sexual experiences; 3) Group sex; 4) Other women’s bodies or making love to a woman; 5) Being coerced into having sex with a man; 6) Having sex with more than one man, a threesome or a lineup of men; 7) A threesome with her husband or lover and another woman; and 8) Sex in a nonsexual place, such as in a public place. Now here are eight of the most common male fantasies. They are almost identical: 1) Sex with a woman he hasn’t had intercourse with; 2) Past sexual experiences; 3) Sex with two or more women simultaneously; 4) His wife or lover having sexual relations with another man; 5) A threesome with his wife or lover and another woman; 6) A threesome with his wife or lover and another man; 7) Sex with a younger woman; and 8) Watching a woman perform in an enticing way, including having sex with another woman. Statistically then, most couples are having the same fantasies, so there should be no fear in expressing them.

8. Express yourself sexually. Realize that sexual problems result from repression. So many people worry that they are weird, or that they’re the only one who does this, or thinks that. This lowers selfesteem, and often makes sex a problem issue. But ... we all do the same things. People are predictable, yet each of us worries about being an exception. Here are some facts based upon six sexual studies: Eighty-two percent of women masturbate. Eighty-three percent of men masturbate on a regular basis even if they’re married. At least 20 percent of all women have had a homosexual experience to orgasm. One third of all men have had a homosexual experience to orgasm. Statistics indicate much higher percentages of people who would like to have a homosexual experience but do not out of fear or lack of opportunity. It is believed by many of the most prominent sexual researchers that each of us is inherently bisexual. It is only health concerns and social pressures that keep us from expressing what we really are. Over a third of all married women have had an affair, and only a small percentage of these were because of deep emotional dissatisfaction with their husbands. Over half of

all married men have had an affair. One major poll claimed 72 percent. One percent of women have been involved sexually with an animal. Most people enjoy oral sex and a good percentage enjoy anal sex. Statistics are more difficult to obtain in other areas of sexuality, such as group sex, swinging, threesomes, S&M, et cetera ... But millions of people have had these sexual experiences. And what about the average frequency of sexual intercourse? Statistics show that generally, a couple in their 20s are likely to have sex every day. 30-to 40-year-olds have sex between two and three times a week, 40-to 50years-olds once a week, and 60 plus, less than once a week. Two out of three men in their 70s are still sexually active. These are just some facts about “what is” with sex. And, you’re not abnormal if none of the fantasies or statistics relate to you. Objective norms don’t really exist. There is no right or wrong. The idea is to stop judging yourself and stop judging others. It’s time to ask yourself, “Does what I do sexually work for me? Does it manifest love, health and happiness ... and does it allow me full self-expression?”

9. Stop blaming. It is easier for many people to blame others and fate for their circumstances, and to play the part of the victim, than to take responsibility for their life. But blame is nothing but an expression of self-pity. And blame always makes matters worse, leastwise by programming your subconscious mind negatively. The subconscious mind operates like a computer. Thus, if you program it with negativity, it will generate negativity. In data processing terms this is “GIGO: Garbage In, Garbage Out.” So the idea is to give up all blame. The happiest couples are those who take full responsibility for their lives.

10. Let go of expectations. There are only two reasons to get upset with another human being. You want approval or control. You either want the other person to approve of actions or desires ... or you want to control their actions or reactions. When this doesn’t happen, you get upset, or hurt or mad. Expectations are rarely in your best interest, because when the experiences don’t live up to your expectations, you’ll be disappointed, and unable to enjoy the experience for what it is. But the biggest problem with expectations relates to other people. Whenever you expect someone else to be the way you want them to be you are looking for trouble. Surely you don’t want to be forced to be the way someone expects you to be. No one can change someone else, nor can they expect another person to be anything other than what they are. When you attempt to change someone, the other person is forced to repress who they really are, to be who you want them to be. Since long-term repression is impossible, the forced change will not last, or it will result in new eruptions of unsatisfactory behavior. It is absolutely impossible to change another human being unless they want to change. So waiting around in expectation won’t get you anywhere.

11. Give up needing to be right. Your subconscious mind is programmed for you to be right. It operates like a computer. It does not reason on its own. It simply responds to programming ... and its most basic programming is to survive. Everything you consider saying or doing is quickly run through your memory banks, comparing the present to related past

experiences. Your computer says it is all right for you to do what you do as compared to the past, for when you did something similar in the past you survived. Since your subconscious mind operates like a logical machine, it cannot be wrong. To be wrong threatens its survival. So the only way it can function is to make you feel correct. Your subconscious computer doesn’t care if you get what you want out of life. It just needs to be right to protect itself. So, your computer gets to be right and you lose the game. By becoming aware of your programming you can begin to detach from the buttons that cause you to act like a machine ... like a robot. A robot has no choice in the way it acts. It has wiring and circuits that are set up so that when a button is pushed it reacts according to programming. But you are the same way. Being challenged pushes your button and you instantly need to be right. So, knowing this, let the other person be right. Until you can move him past his need to be right, there can be no real communication. Sometimes you can do this by simply saying, “Yes, I understand that you feel that way.” This acknowledges his rightness and can take him off of tilt. Then he can focus upon the problem at hand. When you give up the need to be right, chances are you’ll start winning the game.

12. Start a stress-reduction program. Marital therapists claim that couples of all ages are finding themselves too stressed to make love to each other. The problem is they are overwhelmed by their nonsexual problems. Some say this is a sign of our times. Stress causes a testosterone decrease in males and falling estrogen levels in females. We are also genetically programmed, after millions of years, to respond to stress first and sexual needs later. If our early ancestors hadn’t given priority to stressful situations, they probably wouldn’t have survived. If you feel that stress is dampening your love life, you need to start a stress-reduction program. Begin immediately to investigate this subject. Read Chapter Five “Reduce Stress” and begin the stress reduction program outlined.

13. Exercise! Physical fitness is a definite advantage in the bedroom, if only because it enhances endurance. All too often non-orgasmic women simply tire out before they can orgasm. So if you are not already involved in an exercise program, it is time to start one. Even moderate physical activity is accompanied by positive mental and physical changes. Studies measuring mental function after a ten week program of jogging, calisthenics and other physical recreation show significant improvements in intelligence, speed of performance, learning and brain function, as well as decreased depression and lowered anxiety. Memory, attention span and motivation were also positively affected by exercise ... all of which indirectly relate to a better love life.

14. Nutritionally balance your diet. A healthier body will result in an improved love life. An excess of foods containing sugar and refined white flour will eventually rob you of your health, your energy, and your sexual appetite. Even if you only incorporate the new government dietary guidelines you’ll be served. Eliminate junk foods, replace red meat with fish, chicken or turkey. Avoid foods containing cholesterol. Eat more fresh vegetables, many of them raw. Also eat fresh fruits and 100 percent wholegrain bread, cereal, and pasta products.

Investigate sexual nutrition overall, and vitamin supplementation in particular. Male and female sexual function is related to basic body chemistry and if you are not getting enough of specific vitamins and minerals your body can sexually shut down. Investigate by reading or visiting a good holistic nutritionist. You can also ask two or three different health food stores for their suggestions. As an example, for male sexual function, in addition to the commonly known vitamins, the body needs iodine, zinc, sod, selenium, RNA, DNA, manganese, bromelain, L-cysteine, choline and inositol. Vitamin supplements can be purchased in any health food store, but you must investigate your particular needs very carefully.

15. Give up your vices to improve your sex life. Heavy alcohol or tobacco use will interfere with sexual function. Nicotine constricts the peripheral blood vessels, which reduces the blood supply to the penis, making it more difficult to get an erection. Long-term nicotine intake causes increased arteriosclerosis which will cut down the blood supply even more. Alcohol is a depressant causing sedation and anesthesia and although it may lower your inhibitions it also decreases sexual function. Marijuana may cause people to think they perceive more sexual intensity, but research proves that isn’t so. Also, research shows that while marijuana distorts the sense of time and lowers inhibition, it does nothing to enhance function, and it can reduce a man’s ability to maintain an erection.

16. Take your TV set out of your bedroom. All too often you get involved in a show, and stay tuned in for another hour or so. Maybe your partner gets annoyed when you want to turn off the set, or you both watch the show until you’re so tired that you no longer have the energy for sex. Or maybe the newscast is so depressing it kills the mood.

17. Actions speak louder than words; show your love. Feeling love is not enough. You have to show it. Take advantage of opportunities to make physical contact, and to verbalize your love. Take your lover’s hand when you’re watching TV or attending a movie. Snuggle up together when you’re reading in bed. And if opportunities to touch don’t arise naturally, create situations to fit your needs. Realize too, that touching doesn’t necessarily need to be an invitation to have sex.

18. Identify your myths. Beware of accepting some of the major myths about marriage. People don’t live happily ever after without working at it and really communicating. Also, both you and your lover will change over the years, so your relationship is always evolving and changing. Resisting change is unrealistic. And fighting won’t destroy your marriage if you stop fighting to win and use these conflicts as an opportunity to clarify misunderstandings and learn what you both need. Both people need to realize that no one gets exactly what they want out of the union. The idea is to respect each other’s needs and compromise.

19. Let the little things go. It really doesn’t matter if the lid isn’t on the toothpaste, if the toilet seat is up or down or if the toilet paper rolls down the wall as it is pulled off the roll. Be big enough to detach from the silly things that amount to getting to be right. Instead, start winning the game. This really boils down to your viewpoint. You choose how you are going to view what you experience. And your viewpoint is the deciding factor in whether you will experience life harmoniously or disharmoniously. Your viewpoint is the sum total of all your past experiences. It is acquired, not inherited. Thus it is alterable.

20. Take the self-strengthening test. A self-strengthening question and answer process; the first question is to see how self-centered you are: • How often do you judge yourself negatively, opposed to judging your lover negatively? • Do you view your lover in a societal role opposed to as a person? • Although your lover’s personality and needs may conflict with your personality and needs, can you still value your lover for his or her unique qualities? • Do you view your lover in a husband or father role ... or a wife or mother role, opposed to viewing them as the fully rounded individual they really are? • Do you want to change your lover? • Do you blame your lover for your current love life? Your answers will show you the areas you need to work on.

21. Fully commit to your relationship. Fully commit to your relationship—mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially. Withholding reflects doubts that will undermine the foundation of your union. Keeping one foot in the safety zone will also keep you from ever experiencing your combined potential.

22. Use self-hypnosis. Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of improving your love life. The final chapter tells you how.

Improve Your Love Life Summary 1. Do things together. 2. Do things separately. 3. Support each other in ways that increase self-esteem. 4. Realize the importance of sex—make time, make it important. 5. Take time for honest verbal communication in which real sharing takes place. 6. Talk about your sex life.

7. Don’t be afraid to share your sexual fantasies. 8. Express yourself sexually. 9. Stop blaming. 10. Let go of expectations. 11. Give up needing to be right. 12. Start a stress-reduction program. 13. Exercise! 14. Nutritionally balance your diet. 15. Give up your vices to improve your sex life. 16. Take your TV set out of your bedroom. 17. Actions speak louder than words; show your love. 18. Identify your myths. 19. Let the little things go. 20. Take the self-strengthening test. 21. Fully commit to your relationship.

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Affirmations •

The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “I accept my lover’s uniqueness without expectations.” “I support my lover in ways that increase self-esteem.” “I let the little things go, detaching from negativity.” “I totally commit to my relationship.” “The greatest gift I can give my lover is to be all of who I am.” “I am open to communicate and share myself.” “I listen and am willing to appreciate my lover’s position even when we don’t agree.” “I rise above anger by asking myself, ‘Am I seeking approval or control?’” “I always make time for my lover.” “I communicate what I want directly and honestly.” “I would rather win the game than be right.” “Every day I use opportunities to show my love.” “I now nutritionally balance my diet and make exercise part of my lifestyle.” “I realize that a loving and caring relationship is the ultimate aphrodisiac.”

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Reduce Cholesterol For A Healthier Heart This information is not meant to conflict with your doctor’s advice, which you should obtain before making any major changes in your lifestyle. Coronary heart disease is the leading cause of death in the United States. Unless you have a congenital heart defect, the single factor most affecting your heart’s health and whether or not you will develop coronary heart disease, is your blood cholesterol level. Although men are most at risk, women should also be concerned about their cholesterol levels, especially women past menopause. Heart disease is still a major cause of death in women. You can lower your cholesterol levels and decrease the risk of heart disease easily, without drugs, in a fairly short period of time by making appropriate lifestyle changes. Before you can make these necessary changes, it’s important to understand what cholesterol is and why it can be deadly when high levels are found in the blood. To better understand, and start on the road to a healthy heart and lower cholesterol, let’s define our terms: Cholesterol: According to the American Heart Association, cholesterol is a wax-like fat found in all the cells in the human body. It is a vital constituent of cell membranes and nerve fibers, and also serves as a building block for many hormones and important tissues. The liver produces cholesterol and it is found in certain foods. Having too much cholesterol in your body can be very dangerous. Lipoproteins: In the bloodstream, cholesterol is transported to and from the cells on special carriers called lipoproteins. There are different kinds of lipo-proteins: low density lipoprotein (LDL) and high density lipoprotein (HDL): Low Density Lipoprotein (LDL)—The Bad Cholesterol: LDL is the primary carrier of cholesterol in the blood. If you have too much LDL, it can build up a plaque-like substance in the arteries, and eventually create a blood clot or barrier that stops the flow of blood. If this happens near the heart, a heart attack results. If it occurs closer to the brain, a stroke. This is called atherosclerosis or heart disease. High Density Lipoprotein (HDL)—The Good Cholesterol: About one fourth of blood cholesterol is carried by a different kind of lipoprotein: HDL. The experts don’t always agree on how HDL works. Some think HDL carries the cholesterol away from the arteries and back to the liver where the body eliminates it. Others think HDL acts as a scavenger, removing excess cholesterol and fat from artherosclerotic clots, slowing their growth. What is not

disputed is that high levels of HDL lower the risk of heart attack, and conversely, low levels of HDL increase the risk. In summary, the goal is to have low levels of low density lipoprotein and high levels of high density lipoproteins.

Tryglycerides: This is the fat in your blood. It comes from the food we eat, but it is also produced by the body. People with heart disease have high triglyceride levels. But not everyone with high tryglyceride levels have heart disease. To reduce the risk of heart attack, it is important to maintain low levels of tryglycerides. Saturated Fat: The American Heart Association believes that saturated fat is the main dietary culprit in raising blood cholesterol. The degree of saturation in saturated, polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats and oils depends on how many hydrogen atoms are in the chemical chain. The more saturated a fat, the harder it is and the more cholesterol it will form in the body. Animal fats, hydrogenated shortenings and margarine, and palm and coconut oils are all saturated fats, which stimulate the production of low-density lipoprotein (bad cholesterol) and raise total cholesterol levels. Polyunsaturated Fat: Polyunsaturated fats come from vegetables or seeds, and include safflower, corn, soybean, cotton seed, sesame, walnut, and sunflower oils. They lower LDL and serum cholesterol levels, but use them in moderation. Too-plentiful use of polyunsaturated fats can lower beneficial HDL and boost tryglycerides. Monounsaturated Fat: Monounsaturated fats lower total cholesterol and LDL levels as effectively as polyunsaturated fats without lowering HDL or raising tryglycerides. They are found in canola and olive oil, and should be added to the diet in a ten- to fifteen percent ratio. Use only poly- or monounsaturated oils, and in limited amounts. Many margarines and spreads are made from these oils and should be used instead of spreads made from saturated fats, such as butter, lard or hydrogenated shortenings.

1. Have your serum cholesterol tested. Levels can vary because test methods can give slightly different results. Plus, the labs conducting the tests can vary. Have two or three tests done at two-week intervals, then average the results. Generally, safe levels are considered to be 180 milligrams per deciliter or less for people under age 30, and 200mg per deciliter or less if you’re over age 30. If your total cholesterol level is higher than this or you have a family history of heart disease, get a lipid profile. This measures your triglycerides, and high density lipoprotein levels. The ratio of total cholesterol to HDL should be below 4.5. To calculate the ratio, divide the total cholesterol by the HDL. For example, if your total cholesterol is 200 and your HDL is 50, divide 200 by 50. Your ratio is 4.

Cholesterol Levels Less than 200 milligrams per deciliter 200-239 milligrams per deciliter 240 and over

Good Borderline High

LDL Levels Less than 130 milligrams per deciliter 130-159 milligrams per deciliter 160 or higher

Good Borderline High

HDL Levels 40-50 milligrams per deciliter 50-60 milligrams per deciliter Less than 35 milligrams per deciliter

Average Male Average Woman Low

2. Modify your diet. The typical American diet—high in calories, cholesterol and fat—is the single largest risk factor affecting your heart. It is also the easiest to modify. Food preferences are not instinctive; they are learned behaviors. Simple dietary changes, such as those recommended by the American Heart Association, will quickly and dramatically lower cholesterol levels. Although it may seem overwhelming at first, you can learn to choose healthy foods that are good for your heart. If your diet has been very bad, make changes a step at a time. This allows you to incorporate each step into your lifestyle, where it will become a natural, healthy habit. It’s helpful to make a chart listing your present diet on one side and your goal on the other, with cholesterol and fat values beside each item. Hang this chart on your refrigerator and keep track of each food you eliminate or add to your new diet. This will provide positive feedback and encouragement as you approach your healthier heart target. Following are specific healthy changes you can make in your diet.

3. Reduce cholesterol intake to less than 300mg per day. Only foods of animal origin contain cholesterol. Egg yolks are probably the best known source of cholesterol. Organ meats such as liver, tongue, heart, brain and kidneys are cholesterol-rich. Such high-fat dairy products as whole milk, cream, sour cream, butter, ice cream, and most cheeses are cholesterol-laden treats to be avoided, as are luncheon meats, chicken skin, marbled steaks, roasts and chops, sausages, etc. Eat shrimp in moderation—it’s low in fat but high in cholesterol. If you must eat red meat occasionally, keep the portions small—three to four ounces of cooked meat, no more than three times a week. Red meats include beef, lamb, veal, ham, and pork. When you buy meat, be aware that the more expensive the cut, the more fat it contains because meat is graded by fat content. Prime grade meat is as high as 50 to 60 percent fat, while choice grade is 35 to 40 percent fat. Instead, select good grade meat and trim all visible fat from the meat before cooking. These leaner meats are as flavorful and tender as the other grade meats when prepared properly. Choose extra or super lean when buying ground beef or buy ground turkey. Instead of red meat, substitute fish or white meat poultry without skin. Exceptions: goose and duck, which are very high in saturated fats.

4. Reduce your fat intake. Limiting cholesterol intake without limiting saturated fats can still result in high cholesterol. If all the calories you eat in one day equals 100 percent, then the percent of calories from fat should only be 30 percent, and within that 30 percent, less than ten percent should come from saturated fats, five to ten percent should come from polyunsaturated fats, and ten to fifteen percent should come from monounsaturated fats. Read labels carefully to determine both the amount and type of fats in packaged foods and baked goods. Fat contains nine calories per gram or 100 calories per level teaspoon. To determine the number of calories that come from fat, multiply the grams of fat in a serving by nine then divide by the total calories in the serving. In an attempt to make them more user friendly, the FDA has made significant changes in the nutrition information labels on packaged foods. These new labels make it easier to differentiate between low fat and high fat content foods; they do all the calculating for you. These new nutrition fact labels note the total calories per serving, the total calories from fat per serving, and even break the fat down into percentage of saturated or bad fat, versus poly- and monounsaturated fats—the preferred fats. Another way to reduce your fat intake is to check the ingredients in your margarine. Many contain hydrogenated oils to keep them firm. Buy a margarine with liquid vegetable oil as the first ingredient on the label and containing partially hydrogenated oil. Avoid those made with hydrogenated oil or containing coconut oil, palm oil or lard. Broil, bake, or boil, instead of frying foods in fats. Place meats on a rack while roasting or baking so the fat will drain. Buy a nonstick skillet and use a vegetable cooking spray to coat the pan. Make pot roasts, stews, and simmered meat sauces a day ahead. Chill, then scrape off the fat that rises to the top before reheating. Use skim milk and lowfat or nonfat milk products. If you are used to whole milk, mix it with skim milk for a few days to get used to the lighter texture and taste, then switch to skim milk only. Use nonfat plain yogurt to replace the sour cream and butter on potatoes and the mayonnaise in salad dressings. Don’t try to completely eliminate fat from your diet. Your body needs a certain amount of essential fatty acids, which it can’t make and must get from food. You could potentially sabotage your diet as well—people tend to abandon diets that don’t contain enough fat because fat not only gives food flavor but provides a feeling of fullness by slowing the emptying of food from the stomach.

5. Eat foods rich in EPA or omega-3. New research centers on a group of beneficial oils: omega-3 fish oils (or EPA), evening primrose oil and linoletic acid from soybean oil. By thinning the blood and making platelets slightly less sticky, these essential fatty acids reduce clot formation in the coronary arteries while lowering tryglyceride and serum cholesterol levels. EPA, or omega-3 fish oils, are mainly found in cold-water fish: salmon, bonito, pompano, halibut, cod, flounder, haddock, sardines, tuna and mackerel. EPA is a precursor to prostaglandin-3, a hormone-like substance that controls clotting and artery spasms. Obtain these beneficial results by eating EPA-rich fish two or three times a week. If you don’t like fish you may supplement your diet with two to three grams of fish oil per meal. Scientists have demonstrated that the anti-clotting effect depends on

the dosage of fish oil in relation to other kinds of polyunsaturated fats, not the absolute amount of fish oil consumed. So do not alter the amounts of polyunsaturates in your diet when you add fish oil. Several studies indicate the body converts the eight percent linoletic acid in liquid soybean oil into the same omega-3 fatty acids as those found in fish oils. Another vegetable oil containing about ten percent linoleic acid is canola oil. Evening primrose oil contains about nine percent gamma linolenic acid, which lowers cholesterol and LDL. Evening primrose oil can be purchased in capsule form at the health food store. Recommended dosage: one gram per meal.

6. Cut down or eliminate refined sugar from your diet. Although sugar has no cholesterol and is fat-free, once digested it is converted into triglycerides, which affect the production and deposit of cholesterol in your arteries. Also, refined sugar’s empty calories have almost no nutritional value.

7. Drink alcohol in moderation. Although alcohol contains no cholesterol and saturated fats, it has the same effect on your blood as sugar, rapidly converting to triglycerides in the bloodstream, which in turn are converted into cholesterol. Alcohol is also a mild depressant of the heart muscle, so anyone with heart disease of any kind should use alcoholic beverages sparingly. What’s moderate and how much is too much? Moderate is defined at about one and one-half ounces of alcohol. More than that has a negative effect on heart function.

8. Cut down or eliminate salt in your diet. Sodium elevates blood pressure, causes excess fluid retention and worsens symptoms of congestive heart failure. There is enough salt in the foods you eat to provide the small quantities needed by your body, so adding salt is not necessary. Salt is an acquired taste and habit. Start by cutting back before quitting. Never salt food before tasting it. Experiment with different flavors while cooking: garlic powder (not garlic salt!), pepper, onion, and other herbs and spices make good salt substitutes. Replace the salt shaker with a spice shaker or use lemon juice. Read the labels on processed or packaged foods and select items labeled “low sodium”, “low salt” or “no salt added.”

9. Eat a high-fiber diet and be sure to drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. Cellulose and other insoluble dietary fibers found in grains, fruits and vegetables are helpful in cutting cancer risk, lowering blood pressure and maintaining regularity. Water-soluble fiber—the kind contained in fruits, barley, oats and rice bran, dried beans and peas—appears to lower cholesterol by absorbing certain fatty substances in the gastrointestinal tract. This increases the liver’s output of bile, a digestive fluid composed of cholesterol, and it lowers overall cholesterol production. Eat oat and rice bran in the form of hot and cold cereals, muffins, breads and pancakes. One-half to one cup of beans

eaten daily as a main meal, as a soup, or tossed into salads will make your cholesterol levels plummet. Plus their versatility makes it easy to eat plenty. And don’t forget apples, which contain the water-soluble fiber pectin. Keep hydrated by drinking at least eight glasses of water a day. You don’t have to start with the full eight glasses. You can start to increase your water consumption over the period of a week to let your body adjust. See what’s right for you, but start today.

10. Be sure to get an adequate supply of minerals in your diet. Magnesium is one of the most promising minerals in blood-pressure control studies, yet the average American consumes only about 40 percent of the recommended daily allowance of magnesium. Low-magnesium diets are linked to high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease. While certain foods, such as leafy green vegetables, seafoods and whole-grain cereals are rich sources of magnesium, other factors rob your body of magnesium: phosphates bind magnesium in the bowel and prevent its absorption. Diuretics, digitalis and other heart medications, as well as antibiotics interfere with magnesium absorption. Stress also increases your magnesium requirements. Potassium supplements and additional calcium can protect against elevated blood pressure in salt-sensitive people. Good sources of these minerals are fruits and vegetables, grains, beans and nuts, or add a chelated mineral supplement to your diet.

11. Eat brewer’s yeast. Brewer’s yeast, long a staple in health food stores, prevents chromium deficiency, which is related to heart disease. Brewer’s yeast contains a complex of chromium and several amino acids. It also contains high levels of choline and inositol, constituents of lecithin, which regulates blood cholesterol.

12. If it doesn’t pose a health risk, take niacin. As reported in the journal of the American Medical Association, niacin, a B-complex vitamin, can effectively lower total cholesterol, LDL and triglyceride levels. It also elevates HDL levels in the blood when taken in high doses. Because these doses can cause skin flushing and itching, start with low doses and increase slowly to a level of 1,000mg to three grams daily. People with liver disease, gout or peptic ulcers should not take large doses of niacin.

13. Learn about herbal extracts. Herbal extracts of ginkgo, hawthorn, cayenne pepper, ginger and European mistletoe have proven successful in treating cardiovascular conditions by dilating coronary vessels, reducing elevated blood pressure, and lowering cholesterol.

14. If you smoke, quit now. Cigarette smoke’s carbon monoxide dramatically increases the risk of heart disease. Smokers who quit begin to reduce their risk of death almost immediately. After one year’s abstinence, HDL blood levels will be approximately those of a nonsmoker. It’s

never too late to quit. Compared to those who continued to smoke, people in their midfifties or older who quit dramatically reduced and even halved their risk of heart attacks.

15. Eliminate the stress and tension in your life. Lower your levels of stress. Cholesterol value rises during emotional stress, adrenaline causes harder heart contractions and artery spasms, and the liver produces more blood sugar. Prolonged stress reactions can lead to complete exhaustion of the nervous system. Learn to reduce the number and intensity of stressful incidents in your life. Use stress-reduction techniques, such as meditation, progressive relaxation, positive thinking, and self-hypnosis to help you deal with stress. The personality traits of anger and hostility cause high blood pressure and heart disease, worsen migraines and aggravate preexisting ailments. Hostile people more frequently experience very high blood pressure and adrenaline surges when confronting daily challenges that merely annoy most people. Get rid of the old beliefs that you need hostility to get ahead in the world, or that you can’t change your hostile ways. Release critical, judgmental attitudes towards others. Don’t get upset over little things. Learn to express affection and admiration for family members and friends. Monitor situations that trigger irritation, aggravation or anger and learn to respond with understanding, compassion and forgiveness. If you do become angry, don’t eat—excess chemicals generated by the body can cause fat in the meal to deposit in the blood vessels, potentially triggering a heart attack.

16. Learn to express your emotions. Major depression activates physiological processes that decrease the resilience of the heart muscle. Symptoms are extreme sadness or hopelessness, loss of interest and pleasure in most activities, insomnia, apathy or suicidal thoughts. If you suffer from any of these symptoms, begin to take immediate steps to relieve the depression. When sad, go ahead and cry. Tears shed in grief or sorrow carry off stress-related chemicals. While it is important to express your darker emotions, it is just as important that you try to be more cheerful and optimistic about life. Studies show that optimists tend to be less bothered by physical symptoms than pessimists because they cope more effectively with problems and experience fewer stress-related symptoms. Laugh. Laughter has positive physical effects on the heart muscle, acting as a gentle massage and helping to keep the blood flowing while lowering blood pressure. It blocks feelings of apprehension, panic and depression, and helps you maintain a balanced perspective.

17. Develop close personal ties to friends, family and community. Loneliness and social isolation is a high risk-factor for heart disease. The socially isolated—unmarried, divorced or widowed people with few close friends and little or no social contacts—are three times more likely to have serious heart disease. Safeguard your heart by developing close personal ties to friends, family and community. If circumstances keep you from having a close, loving relationship with another person, get a pet. Stroking and caring for animals helps you be more optimistic and has

a beneficial effect on the cardiovascular system. Pet owners with heart conditions have half the mortality rate as those without pets.

18. Exercise! Regular aerobic exercise provides protection against heart disease by conditioning the heart and circulatory system. It also improves the oxygen efficiency of the heart, lungs and muscles. And it reduces other risk factors, such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol and LDL levels, and alleviating depression. Exercise at least three times a week for a minimum of 20 minutes at your training heart rate, which is 85 percent of the maximum heart rate based on your age. Avoid highly aggressive or competitive exercise—it’s stressful and can injure the body. The best aerobic exercises are brisk walking, swimming, stationary cycling or outdoor bicycling, cross-country skiing, rowing, and aerobic dance. Exercises such as yoga and t’ai chi provide spiritual and emotional boosts as well as beneficial exercise for the body.

19. Bring your weight to where it belongs. Being more than 20 percent over your ideal weight increases your risk of developing heart disease and high blood pressure, and multiplies other high-risk factors, such as sedentary lifestyle, smoking, high-fat, high-cholesterol diets, and hostile personality traits. Diet and exercise can reduce the fatty tissue in the body. Chapter Six outlines a weight loss plan.

20. Take aspirin. One 325mg aspirin tablet taken every other day can help prevent heart attacks and benefit those who have already had a heart attack, reducing their chance of a second heart attack. Aspirin inhibits the manufacture of a substance that makes platelets sticky, causing blood clotting. People with bleeding tendencies, peptic ulcers or allergies to aspirin should only take it on the advice of their physician.

21. Use self-hypnosis Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of lower cholesterol. The final chapter tells you how.

Reduce Cholesterol Summary 1. Have your serum cholesterol tested. 2. Modify your diet. 3. Reduce cholesterol intake to less than 300mg per day. 4. Reduce your fat intake. 5. Eat foods rich in EPA or omega-3. 6. Cut down or eliminate refined sugar from your diet. 7. Drink alcohol in moderation.

8. Cut down or eliminate salt in your diet. 9. Eat a high-fiber diet and be sure to drink at least eight glasses of water a day. 10. Be sure to get an adequate supply of minerals in your diet. 11. Eat brewer’s yeast. 12. If it won’t cause a health risk, take niacin. 13. Learn about herbal extracts. 14. If you smoke, quit now. 15. Eliminate the stress and tension in your life. 16. Learn to express your emotions. 17. Develop close personal ties to friends, family and community. 18. Exercise! 19. Bring your weight to where it belongs. 20. Take aspirin.

•

Affirmations •

The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “A healthy heart is now my reality. Every day, I am healthier and healthier.” “I now use the unlimited power of my mind to reduce my cholesterol level.” “Consciously and subconsciously, I choose perfect health.” “I know how to relax completely and release tension from my body and mind.” “My positive, loving attitude keeps my heart healthy.” “Every day in every way, I love and care about my heart, my body and myself more and more.” “I exercise my body regularly to keep my heart healthy.” “My body knows exactly what it needs to stay healthy.” “I eat only healthy foods.” “I eat more fiber, fruits, and vegetables.” “I avoid cholesterol, fat and sugar.” “I visualize perfect health.” “I maintain a state of calmness and tranquility.”

C H A P T E R

T W E L V E

Stop Smoking We are all aware of the dangers of smoking ... and how difficult it can be to stop. You want to quit, but you’ve tried before and failed. Now you fear that this habit is stronger than you are. It frequently seems that this addiction is overpowering—dominating your thoughts, sapping your willpower, and affecting your health. You feel the negative effect smoking has on your body; the wheezing in your lungs when you walk up a flight of stairs; the tiny lines that appear on your upper lip and around your mouth; your lack of energy. Smoking is a psychological and physiological addiction that ruins the quality of your life while cutting it short. It’s dangerous, expensive, turns off friends and strangers alike, and threatens not only your own life, but the health of those around you. You are well aware that you must stop, but how?

1. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Most smokers, when deciding to quit, do not give much thought as to how to accomplish it. Consequently, most try to quit with overly simplistic approaches. When they fail, due to an inadequate plan, they heap guilt and shame upon themselves. But don’t be discouraged by previous failures to quit. The more times you begin the quitting process, the more energy you put toward the goal of becoming a nonsmoker and the more likely you are to eventually achieve that goal. If a person really wants to stop, he or she will usually succeed sooner or later; if not this time, then the next time or the next after that.

2. Choose the right method. Though there are many different approaches to quitting, we’ll cover the two basic methods—cold turkey and gradual withdrawal. The others are merely variations of these two. Read each one carefully and decide which one will work best for you. Each method has its pros and cons but the one you select can be a determining factor in your success.

Cold Turkey Method The cold turkey method requires you to simply stop smoking. You choose which cigarette will be your last, and then follow through, no matter how uncomfortable it gets. Advantages: The sooner you quit, the sooner the cravings for a cigarette go away. Instead of giving your body continued doses of nicotine, you force it to begin healing right away. The psychological need for cigarettes goes away quickly because nicotine is completely eliminated from the body within a few days and most of the craving will be gone within a few weeks. The cold turkey method allows you to experience immediate physical and psychological rewards. It’s an easy method to implement because you

simply stop—completely and at once. It reduces the opportunity for excuses by eliminating the physiological need as quickly as possible, while the rapid removal of the conflict provides less time to escape. In other words, you can no longer justify your smoking today by telling yourself that you will quit, someday. You just don’t ever allow yourself another cigarette—EVER! Disadvantages: The main advantage, its suddenness, can also be a disadvantage. Its greater visibility puts everyone’s eye on you. Your colleagues at work who smoke notice instantly that you’ve quit. They bring attention to it and then you begin to focus on your cravings and discomfort from withdrawal as well. High levels of discomfort can undermine your resolve, while the all-or-nothing nature of the cold turkey method means that a single cigarette can ruin the entire effort. Who should use the cold turkey method?: If you suffer from extreme withdrawal symptoms, such as irritability, impatience, tension, and insomnia; if your mind works overtime coming up with rationales to continue smoking; if you procrastinate, tend to avoid problems, or have difficulty controlling your behavior without a direct challenge or explicit command, you would benefit most from the cold turkey method.

The Gradual Withdrawal Method The gradual withdrawal method calls for regulated and decreased nicotine consumption over a specific period of time. You slowly decrease the amount of cigarettes you smoke and eventually, you stop. Advantages: It avoids the abruptness of the cold turkey method and the possibly severe withdrawal symptoms accompanying it. Less social pressure is involved as others won’t be as aware of a cutback as they would of a cutoff. A slip won’t destroy your entire quitting effort; it will only make the process longer. It minimizes the withdrawal symptoms because it still provides a small amount of nicotine. It also lessons the motivation to generate excuses—the quitter is more likely to continue the effort and less likely to engage in escapist behaviors. Disadvantages: It demands more time, effort and commitment than cold turkey. Taking longer to eliminate the nicotine from your system delays the physical and psychological rewards of not smoking. Drawing out the process may make it more difficult to maintain your resolution to quit. Who should use gradual withdrawal?: If you suffer from extreme anxiety, feel stressed out and overwhelmed at the thought of quitting; if conflict or motives exist, such as health versus personal appearance because you fear gaining weight; if you believe that pressure from others is responsible for you beginning or continuing smoking; if you rationalize your smoking or engage in wishful thinking, denial or take a fatalistic attitude toward smoking, you would benefit most from the gradual withdrawal method.

3. Choose the right starting time. Smokers usually quit when they feel like it, but poor preparation and haphazard timing can otherwise ruin a well-motivated effort. Improve your chances by thoughtfully selecting a starting time that can help you avoid or reduce potential barriers, particularly during the crucial early days. There are three types of starting times: 1) extended breaks; 2) special events; and 3) specific target dates.

An extended break, such as a vacation, a long weekend or holiday is an extremely good time to begin. The extended break assists you to establish a number of nonsmoking days and to get past the worst part of withdrawal while in a non-stressful atmosphere. The social pressure to smoke and the sights and smells of others smoking are temporarily gone. Having committed yourself to quit during this break, procrastination and other escapist behavior become much more difficult to rationalize. A special event, such as graduation from school, marriage, birth of a child, job promotion or retirement, can provide you with enough extra motivation to sustain the desire to quit over the desire to smoke. Specific target dates such as birthdays, New Year’s or another holiday, or any other specific date, help increase motivation, filter out excuses and control escapist behavior.

4. Be prepared for the tough stuff– the pleasure/pain cycle, erroneous rationales, and escapist behavior. Learn to recognize the three key factors that make quitting harder and you may be able to avoid a relapse.

The pleasure/pain cycle Take a look at the benefits and pleasure you believe you get from smoking. In virtually every case, the perceived pleasure or benefit derives primarily from relieving and reducing your acquired physiological need for nicotine. In other words, you smoke the cigarette to relieve the discomfort caused by your addiction to cigarettes. You smoke the cigarette to fix what the cigarette has caused. It is important to break this cycle. Smoking is a very real and treacherous addiction—it is critically important to recognize and acknowledge this. Enduring the short-term discomfort of quitting is far better than prolonging the constant pleasure/pain cycle of nicotine addiction.

Erroneous rationales When caught in the throes of a nicotine craving, it can be very easy to forget why you wanted to stop in the first place. We must recognize how—at those moments—we ignore certain truths. We easily intellectualize, justify, explain away and make allowances for behavior that is detrimental to our well-being. It is important to understand how we rationalize our negative behaviors. Otherwise we continue those negative behaviors and never change them. Here are the key ways in which we justify smoking: • A lack of knowledge or misconceptions about smoking, including denying or diminishing the dangers of smoking • Denying the personal relevance or ability to quit • Denying the necessity of quitting • Philosophizing, intellectualizing, and advancing irrelevant arguments.

Escapist behavior Escapist behavior encompasses five patterns: procrastination, wishful thinking, regression, blaming others and repression. Procrastination is a very effective escape route. A clever smoker can come up with enough excuses to put off quitting for years, even forever, fooling himself into believing that he is going to quit ... tomorrow. Smokers indulging in wishful thinking live in a fantasy world where none of nicotine’s adverse effects will happen to them, or if it does, those effects will be minimal or easily reversed. While that’s always possible, it’s not likely. Wishful thinking is unrealistic and escapist in nature, like the ostrich refusing to see things as they are by sticking its head in the sand. Regression enables the smoker to get around the inconsistency between his knowledge of the dangers of smoking and his continued smoking by simply refusing to deal with it. This is accomplished by regression to childish or inappropriate behavior and attitudes, such as becoming overly emotional, swearing, and screaming at people who raise the smoking issue. Blaming others is an avoidance tactic. Many people began smoking not as a result of an informed decision but as a consequence of interpersonal relationships and peer pressure. Quitting is frequently made even more difficult because of lack of support from other people. Blaming others enables the smoker to disclaim responsibility while clouding the issue of a solution to the problem. Repression is quite simply not viewing smoking as a problem. This deliberate behavior enables the smoker to avoid conflict and the necessity of making excuses, blaming others, or indulging in wishful thinking.

5. Start a smoking log. Buy a small notebook, approximately the size of a pack of cigarettes. This will be your daily smoking log. Keep this log with your cigarettes and begin immediately to keep an accurate record of your smoking behavior—this means every cigarette you smoke. Note the time you smoke of each one and the situation. For example, “7AM cigarette with morning coffee, 7:30 cigarette while getting dressed.” And so on. For the first week, do not change your present smoking behavior; an accurate record will create awareness about the way you smoke and what each cigarette means to you. Later, the log will provide feedback about your progress.

6. Use a journal. In addition to your daily smoking log, buy a larger notebook to use as a journal. This is a personal record of your goals, rules, accomplishments and observations of events occurring in your quitting program. Write your reasons for quitting in your journal for later reference when you have the urge to smoke. If you notice yourself feeling deprived and becoming angry, blow off steam in the journal, but be sure to work the anger through and turn it around to positive thought.

7. Identify your conditioned smoking triggers. Use your daily smoking log to identify your conditioned smoking triggers. Many people begin smoking again because they succumb to a conditioned trigger that has caught them unawares, bringing the craving and urge back in full force. This can happen after months or even years of not smoking if the person has not learned to identify and eliminate the conditioned triggers from his life. As you break each trigger, remain at that level for a few days until you have incorporated the new behavior into your life and feel comfortable with it. You won’t feel overwhelming craving and anxiety because you know you’ll have a cigarette soon, but don’t compensate by smoking an additional cigarette later. Be careful not to establish new triggers while eliminating the old ones. Do not avoid the trigger situation; you must encounter the trigger and render it ineffective by not smoking. Making gradual changes in your behavior and consolidating them at each step before moving on to another step, can painlessly eliminate these triggers.

Tips 8 through 13 deal specifically with the cold turkey method but people who have chosen the gradual withdrawal program will find them useful as well. 8. Create contingency plans– don’t be caught off guard. Contingency plans help you deal with the factors that make quitting harder: the pleasure/pain cycle, erroneous rationales, escapist behavior and conditioned smoking triggers. Before you quit, know how you will act in certain situations, personal and social: how you handle obsessive cravings when they strike; what your personal quitting schedule calls for. Choose those strategies you will integrate with your method and write them in your journal. Decide to stick to them, and when these difficulties strike, follow your contingency plan.

9. Educate yourself about the psychological effects of nicotine. Educate yourself about the psychological effects of nicotine on the body. The more familiar you are with what nicotine is and what it does, the better equipped you will be to withstand its wiles and the better your chance of success. Many public health organizations, such as the American Heart Association, the American Cancer Society and the American Lung Association, offer free educational materials. Do some research at your public library. Ask your doctor for additional information. Talk to friends who have successfully quit.

10. Begin taking megadoses of vitamin C. Large amounts of vitamin C will quickly detoxify your body during the nicotine elimination period. You may prefer to use the crystallized form of vitamin C rather than

swallowing several tablets. Take 4,000mg every two to four hours; do this for at least one week. If this causes diarrhea, cut dosage in half but continue frequency of doses.

11. Reward your efforts with positive reinforcement. Be kind to yourself during the withdrawal process. Do some of the things you have always wanted to do but never had the time or money for. You’ll have more money now that you don’t smoke, and more time at your disposal, so indulge yourself. Cigarettes cost about $4.50 a pack. If you smoke half a pack a day and you quit, you could save $821.25 a year. If you smoke one pack a day and quit, you could save $1642.50 a year. Two packs: $3285. Reward your efforts with positive reinforcement. Get a massage. Go to the country for the weekend and stay at a bed & breakfast. Purchase that new compact disk, and run a bubble bath. The possibilities are endless. Put the money you would have spent on cigarettes into a savings account. Instead of seeing your money go up in smoke, you will be getting wealthier and enjoying it more while becoming healthier and wiser.

12. Begin to notice how good you feel. With each new day you will be feeling better and better. Notice how much easier breathing has become; smell the scents in the air you couldn’t smell before. Visualize your lungs becoming clearer and pinker each day. Concentrate on the good feelings and congratulate yourself on your new nonsmoking behavior as you revel in your new freedom from cigarettes.

13. Develop a support team. If you know someone who is also in the process of quitting, you can give each other mutual support. Call this person for support when the urge to smoke seems overwhelming. Be available for them to call you; assisting someone else to overcome their craving can help you overcome your own. Explain to those close to you what you are trying to accomplish; those who care about you will be helpful, supportive and happy that you are engaged in such a positive endeavor. But not everyone will be supportive. Nonsmokers who don’t understand what you are going through may wonder why you need extra emotional support. People who have tried to quit and failed may tell you horror stories about their failures. If possible, try to avoid these people. Be prepared to encounter them, but do not use them as an excuse for your own actions.

14. Develop alternative behaviors. When you feel the urge to smoke, try counting down from 100 to 1. Take a shower or go for a walk. Instead of sitting in your favorite chair where you always smoke while reading or watching TV, try sitting in a different chair. Or move your chair to a different location and don’t smoke there. Do not use food as an alternative to smoking, however. Chew some ice; it contains no calories and will keep your mouth busy. Drink a cup of herbal tea. Keep low-calorie nibbles around, like carrot or celery sticks. Take up a hobby, such as knitting—it’ll keep your hands busy. Pay more attention to your hands; massage

cream into them and manicure your nails. Or try sketching, doodling or writing in your journal. Be creative in your alternatives.

15. Learn to relax without a cigarette. Many smoke for the sake of relaxation but there are several relaxation strategies available that can relax you without the need of a cigarette. Deep breathing is an easy one that will both relax you and oxygenate your body and mind at the same time. Yoga, progressive body relaxation, and massages are also easy and effective relaxation techniques. It’s hard work, but if you can utilize these relaxation techniques when you feel a craving coming on, it will pass with less discomfort.

16. Exercise! If you don’t already engage in regular daily physical exercise, start now. It’s hard to smoke while you’re exercising. Vigorous daily exercise increases levels of the neurotransmitters as well as endorphins, the body’s natural opiates, and will make it easier for you to relax more completely. The oxygen flooding through your system will help detoxify your system more quickly as well. Also, mood swings will stabilize and you won’t feel as depressed. Your self-image and self-esteem will improve and you won’t want to damage your body with cigarettes any longer.

17. Change your eating habits. Eliminate all sweets from your diet. If you are not accustomed to eating breakfast, begin doing so now. At the very least, begin your day with a protein drink you can make in your blender. Regular, balanced meals with lots of complex carbohydrates, concentrating on whole grains, vegetables and fruits, will level out your blood sugar. Hunger is accompanied by low blood sugar, and can act as a trigger for a cigarette. Smoking a cigarette raises your blood sugar, taking away the hunger. This is why many people gain weight when they quit smoking; they substitute eating, usually sweets, in an effort to keep their blood sugar levels up. Avoid caffeine and alcohol, which are serious triggers. Increase your calcium intake—it will act as a natural relaxant. Take a multiple vitamin and mineral supplement. Increase your water intake; it will help flush the nicotine from your system. Drink at least 64 ounces of water a day.

18. Develop your spirituality. Become more aware of your spiritual nature. This is a technique that has proven very successful in such programs as Alcoholics Anonymous. When your other techniques seem to be not quite enough, turn to your higher power or your higher self for assistance.

19. Switch cigarette brand and types. Change your brand of cigarettes. Decrease the tar and nicotine content by switching to one with lower contents of these agents, but do not increase your overall cigarette consumption. If you currently smoke a cigarette very high in tar and nicotine, acclimate yourself to the next lower level for a few days, then begin eliminating them. Switch down again until you are smoking the lowest tar and nicotine cigarette available while

continuing to eliminate them—cigarette by cigarette, trigger by trigger. If you smoke a menthol cigarette, switch to non-menthol and vice versa. If you smoke a non-filter, switch to a filter, but do not switch from a filter to a non-filter. Smoke with the nondominant hand. If you use a lighter, switch to using matches, then keep the cigarette and matches in separate locations.

20. Condition an aversion to cigarettes. Each day empty your cigarette butts into a large jar and cover them with water. Do not throw the jar away when you reach the target date. Instead, when you feel like lighting a cigarette, open the jar and take a deep sniff.

21. Finally, eliminate cigarettes. You are now ready to eliminate the last cigarette comfortably. Schedule the following activities for a time immediately after you quit: Clean your house thoroughly or have a cleaning crew come in and do it. Smoke lingers in drapes and carpeting, so have them thoroughly cleaned as well. Clean the inside of your car. Throw away all smoking paraphernalia—matches, lighters, ashtrays. Make an appointment to visit your dentist to have your teeth cleaned.

22. Use self-hypnosis Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of stopping smoking. The final chapter tells you how.

Stop Smoking Summary 1. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. 2. Choose the right method: the cold turkey method or the gradual withdrawal method. 3. Choose the right starting time: extended breaks, special events or specific target dates. 4. Be prepared for the tough stuff—the pleasure/pain cycle, erroneous rationales & escapist behavior. 5. Start a smoking log. 6. Use a journal. 7. Identify your conditioned smoking triggers. 8. Create contingency plans—don’t be caught off guard. 9. Educate yourself about the psychological effects of nicotine. 10. Begin taking megadoses of vitamin C. 11. Reward your efforts with positive reinforcement. 12. Begin to notice how good you feel. 13. Develop a support team.

14. Develop alternative behaviors. 15. Learn to relax without a cigarette. 16. Exercise! 17. Change your eating habits. 18. Develop your spirituality. 19. Switch cigarette brand and types. 20. Condition an aversion to cigarettes. 21. Finally, eliminate cigarettes.

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The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “I now set a target date and on that date I will stop smoking forever.” “Every day, up to my target date, I smoke fewer and fewer cigarettes.” “Cigarettes disgust me. I no longer want to smoke. Every day, I smoke less and less.” “I now stop smoking.” “By quitting, I feel better mentally and physically.” “I successfully focus on overcoming my smoking habit, replacing it with desirable new behavior patterns.” “I have the willpower to do anything I desire to do.” “I crave cigarettes less and less. The urge to smoke is leaving me... the urge to smoke is now gone.” “I am now a nonsmoker.”

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Negotiate What You Want It may surprise you to know that the key to successful negotiation is not just knowing what to say and when to say it. Wealth, success, happiness—whatever you desire, you can achieve. Learn the principles to successful negotiation and you can unlock, harness and develop your potential to achieve a new, positive, and successoriented self-awareness. This chapter covers both the human potential concepts that can help position you to become a better negotiator, and the practical, easy to apply, tactical elements and strategies necessary for powerful negotiation. These tips will help you become a winner, to get what you want—those dreams, wishes and fantasies that will make your life a delight.

1. Realize that you alone are the source of all the conditions and situations in your life. The state of your health, your finances, your personal relationships, your professional life—all of it is your doing; yours and no one else’s. Look carefully at any situation in your life and be honest about it. If you are honest with yourself, you will eventually see that, either consciously or subconsciously, you set it up to be that way. Whether you are aware of it or not, you’ve allowed that situation to remain as it is, even though you’ve had the ability to change it all along. When you accept responsibility for creating a situation, you are ready to accept responsibility for changing it. And when you assume responsibility for changing it, you take control of your life. When you take control of your life, you exhibit power, which is the key to your ability to negotiate. Power is the capacity to get things done, to exercise control over people, events, situations, and oneself. However, power is based on perception—if you think you’ve got it then you’ve got it.

2. Establish clarity of intent. Your first priority is to establish clarity of intent with no indecisiveness whatsoever. This is half the battle. When you form clarity of intent and stick to it, you will eventually achieve the results you want. Intention leads to action. One important thing to remember: don’t be afraid to make a mistake or change your mind. Your goals exist to serve you; you don’t exist to serve them. You are free to change what you want if it doesn’t suit you. Sometimes there is no way to find out whether or not a particular goal really suits you until you try it. Even if it turns out that it’s not what you want, you will have had the experience of making real progress toward a goal, and you will have learned the practical skills to accomplish it.

3. Apply the concept of willingness. Willingness is having an open frame of mind; be receptive to the possible, the untried, the unproven. Willingness doesn’t make judgments. It doesn’t make excuses for why things cannot be. It doesn’t refuse what is asked of it, no matter how illogical the request may seem. When you become absolutely clear in your own mind that you are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve your goal, the principle of willingness will start creating shortcuts for you by illuminating the need to do certain things. It brings your goal to you with increasing acceleration and without all the trouble you thought necessary. The principle that makes willingness work has four parts: a concept, a law, a phenomenon and a power. First: the concept of thoughts as things. Therefore, if a thought is a thing in a physical universe, it is governed by the same physical laws as other things. One of those physical universal laws is second: the law of physical attraction. Things attract things. Whenever you think something, the thought immediately attracts its physical equivalent. Therefore, “What the human mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve,” as Napoleon Hill says. Third, a phenomenon then occurs: the phenomenon of acceleration. When things begin moving toward each other, they move at an ever-increasing rate. The fourth element of the willingness principle is: the power of an open mind. Commitment, a feeling of confidence that you’ll pursue what you want no matter what happens, is essential. Ask life or other people for that which truly delights, empowers or helps you grow. Hold a firm belief that what you want is so desirable and so important that it is worth doing whatever you must do to get it. To succeed, you must be willing to take risks and to do whatever it takes to accomplish it. Risk-taking involves mixing courage with common sense. If you don’t take risks, the other side will manipulate you. Intelligent risk-taking requires a willingness to shrug your shoulders and absorb a manageable loss without whining—the chance of a setback is the price you must pay for any progress. You must be willing to give up something in order to get something. You don’t have to do anything, but you must be willing to do it. Non-action is just as capable of producing results as action.

4. Overcome the blocks to asking. There are three blocks that keep people from asking for what they need: fear, pride, and low self-esteem. Fear is responsible for all the disturbances in life, large or small, international or interpersonal. Hatred, anger, possessiveness, tension, anxiety, greed, inhibition, stress, frustrations, hang-ups, phobias, insecurities ... all are fear-based emotions. Fear paralyzes us and keeps us from acting when we need to act. It could stop us from making a growth choice when it would be in our best interest. In accepting the fear, and living with it, you are imprisoned within it. Courage is a matter of being afraid and choosing to act anyway. When you choose not to act because of fear, you begin to avoid life. The second block to asking is pride. One form of pride is blaming. It is easier to be a victim and blame others for your circumstances than it is to take responsibility for your life. Realize the futility of blame. From a human potential perspective, blame is self-pity. If you remove the self-pity, all that is left is self-responsibility and the awareness that you are the creator of your own circumstances. Ask your mate, children, parents, in-

laws, employees and friends what they think you should be doing with your life and everyone will give you a different answer. It is your life. You will have to control it. The third block is low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is a self-imposed limitation. The first step to rising above this restrictive thinking is to become clear on your intent in the negotiation. Exactly what do you want, why do you want it, and what are you willing to do to get it? Once you’ve drawn that line, never cross it. Never do anything that lowers your self-esteem. If it adversely affects your well-being, walk away from it. No matter how tense the negotiation gets, never lower your standards just to achieve the goal you desire. Absolutely nothing is worth the extreme negativity a loss of self-respect would bring. High self-esteem results from what we do in life, not from what we have. When your conduct is below your standard and you don’t correct it, your self-image will suffer. When you do things that make you feel good about yourself, your self-esteem and your self-image is enhanced.

5. Use creative visualization and imagination to reach your goal. Prior to any negotiation, do a dress rehearsal. Envision all possible scenarios so that you are prepared. This will enable you to be self-confident. Keep a strong mental picture of what you desire firmly in your mind. Then relax and visualize how you will feel when you attain it. This visualization will release chemicals in your brain, causing a pleasure reaction the same as if you had already attained your goal. This positive feedback will encourage you to continue reaching for your goal.

6. Ask the right person. Try not to negotiate with a person who lacks authority; it’s a waste of your time. Ask the appropriate person or keep looking until you find the right person. Don’t be afraid to approach successful people. Approach an intermediary. Ask someone who can and who wants to say yes. Explain why you need assistance. Show how the person’s help will make a difference; people will want to help you if your purpose seems sound and good. Show that you intend to give your best efforts; if you ask for help without putting forth your best efforts, people won’t be eager to assist you.

7. Ask effectively. If you ask in the right way, anything is possible. You can have whatever you want in life: wealth, material goods, happiness, rich life experiences, fulfilling relationships, and more. Before you ask, know what you really need or want. Remember, you must have clarity of intent. Certainty inspires confidence and support. Ask for the essentials first. This is very important. The people who get what they want in this world are those who can work and live lean. Cut back your unrealistic desires and be selective in what you ask for; don’t ask for the wrong things. Too many people think that luxuries are necessities and their wants become endless. Sometimes people ask for things that will not help them get what they really want.

8. How you ask is as important as what you ask: Use cleverness and humor in your approach. Learn to ask artfully. Getting what you want in life sometimes requires the courage to try a new direction when what you’re doing doesn’t seem to be getting you what you need. Use cleverness and humor in your approach; it not only arouses curiosity, it also frequently overcomes resistance or opposition. A clever or imaginative request is often memorable, and can make more of an impression on others. Don’t limit yourself to talking or writing; try asking with more than just words—ask with your actions, too. Try different angles. Use your creativity and be flexible in making requests. If one approach doesn’t work, try another. Ask—with a smile, by example, through a gesture.

9. Don’t be an island. Garner support and include other people. Involve the other person in what you’re asking for; this will draw them to your side. Persuade others to help, get them involved in the planning and decision making, and they will shoulder part of the burden. Your ability to gain the commitment of others magnifies the impact of your words and gives you power. By dispersing the overall risk through the support of others, you can use circumstances to your best advantage while lessening your own stress levels. When you ask for something, go beyond yourself; help the person you’re asking, to go beyond him or herself too. Include other people in your dreams and desires. Share what you have; you’ll appreciate what you have all the more because the spirit of sharing will enrich your life. Remember, people support that which they help create.

10. Be your own expert. If the negotiation is important enough to win, it is worth your time to prepare for. Compose a checklist of points to be covered. Try to have all the relevant facts at hand. Offer evidence: facts, figures, expert opinions, and keep your reference materials within easy reach. Learn to be your own expert. Establish your background and credentials early in the negotiation. Use the power of legitimacy; documents carry authority and people tend not to question the printed word. Use the power of precedent: justify what you’re asking for by referring to other similar situations, but be careful to use an example with the outcome beneficial to you, or this can backfire.

11. Never let them know your deadline. Be aware of the time element when you negotiate. The way you view and use time can be crucial to your success. The other side always has a time limitation or a deadline. Your best strategy is not to reveal your own deadline. If you are aware of their time limits and they don’t know yours, you will have the advantage. Be calm, patient and alert for the favorable moment to act. If you are able to project an attitude of having all the time in the world to conduct negotiation, frequently the other side will give you what you want in order to end the encounter. Always be relaxed and calm.

12. Determine the other person’s unspoken needs. In any negotiation, there are two things being bargained for: the specific issues and demands—the points under negotiation, and the unspoken needs, which are usually the real needs of the other side. Logic in and of itself will rarely influence people. If you want to persuade people, show the immediate relevance and value of what you’re saying in terms of meeting their needs and desires. Be sensitive to the nonverbal cues the other is giving. A vital piece of information in any negotiation is a knowledge of the other party’s real limits. Very often, this can be determined by looking at the concessions the other side offers. The pattern of concessions can be the real clue to just how far others will go. In order to successfully negotiate with anyone, you are virtually assured of success if you can determine what the other’s needs really are and fulfill them. The old cliché has a lot of truth to it: give, in order to receive.

13. Approach each person on a human level. Give the person you’re negotiating with respect, appreciation, human warmth, understanding, the prospect of future success or credit. Courtesy and respect for others will make people think a little more kindly of you. It will open their minds to your needs or interests and predispose them to consider your request more favorably. No matter what you want from others, you’re more likely to get it if you show sincere respect. Also, give the other person the right to say no. But always give something to the other person. Get the other person to identify with you by acting professionally and reasonably. In this way you will gain their cooperation, loyalty and respect. Try to convey understanding and empathy; speak to the other person’s needs, hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Approach each person on a human level with the hope that you can help them solve their own problem.

14. Request or invite, never demand or beg. These are the two biggest mistakes you can make in negotiating what you want. How to tell if you are demanding rather than making a request: demands usually take one of two forms—abusiveness or threats. Begging is demanding and shows a sense of insecurity. In many cases, people do not realize they are begging, but apple polishing, insincere flattery, whining and complaining are forms of begging. Never ask from weakness, even if you are down and out. Never ask with a sledgehammer, even if you’ve got one. Be dignified but not pompous.

15. Dress appropriately. The first four minutes will determine a great deal of the outcome in any negotiation. In addition to having your case well-prepared, be careful about your appearance. Appearances do count; even the best-laid plans can backfire if your personal appearance is not appropriate. You don’t need to have lots of money or to dress expensively, but it is important to be well-groomed and dressed neatly. Lack of concern for you appearance implies casualness and a lack of respect for the other person. Also, show respect in word and deed. Look cheerful; communicate confidence with your body language. Create a comfort zone. Respect the other person’s time. Don’t contradict people. Make people feel

important; say “please”, “thank you” and “I’m sorry” when these phrases are called for. Say thanks in advance. When you’re wrong say so.

16. Schedule negotiations in your own office or surroundings. When possible, schedule negotiations in your own office or surroundings. Studies show that negotiations are more likely to be decided in favor of the one whose territory they are conducted in. Familiar surroundings will put you at ease while giving you a subliminal edge over your opponent. When it is not possible to schedule negotiations in your own surroundings, choose a neutral location for the negotiation; you won’t have the edge of being on your own territory, but neither will the other person.

17. Eat the right meal at the right time. Negotiating over a power lunch or breakfast can assist your negotiation skills. Brain foods, such as fish, liver and eggs supply lecithin and choline, which are nutrients that maintain and enhance the brain’s ability to reason. If you are concerned about cholesterol levels, other good sources of lecithin and choline include cabbage, cauliflower and soybeans. Choline contributes to optimal brain performance by increasing the rate of the brain’s metabolism. It maintains the structural integrity of the synapses, which are the points of communication between brain cells. Your overall diet plays a key role in negotiating, for it affects not only how you look but how you feel. A good diet will enable you to project that aura of power and charisma necessary to successful negotiation. You can regulate your brain’s performance and keep your levels of energy high during negotiations not only by what you eat but by when you eat it. Post-meal drowsiness can cause you to flub an important negotiation. Instead, to keep your body firing on all cylinders, keep carbohydrate intake at breakfast and lunch to a minimum. Emphasize protein in your morning and midday meal; it will keep you alert.

18. Use stress-reducing strategies to ease physical and emotional tension. No matter how important your negotiations are, your number one enemy is stress. Stress produces anxiety and worry, narrowing your focus of attention so important cues and perceptions may be missed. You will perform best when you are in a calm, relaxed state of mind. Continued tension, turmoil and anxiety clutter your mind, decreasing your thinking and negotiating ability. It may seem difficult to deliberately force yourself not to worry, but worry is directly related to physical tension. Ease the physical tension and your mind will follow. Soothing music, deep breathing, meditation, yoga, regular exercise and progressive relaxation are effective stress-reducing strategies to achieve a calm emotional state, reduce mental clutter and put you in control of the situation. You’ll have more energy, you’ll be under reduced stress and you’ll get better results because your attitude will convey your feeling of power and mastery of your life.

19. Never give up. The people who react negatively to your proposal may simply need time to evaluate it and adjust their thinking. With the passage of sufficient time and repeated requests on your part, almost every “No” can be transformed into a “Yes.” When direct requests don’t work, it’s sometimes easier to go around an obstacle than through it. One of the most effective ways to approach others who are irritable is to appeal to their ego or selfimportance. Ask ... and keep asking until you succeed. Persistence and perseverance pays. Be tenacious—asking makes things happen. If you want to get anything, accomplish anything, or enjoy anything, you’ve got to communicate your needs. It’s not enough to know what you want ... or to pick the right person to ask ... or to prepare a good case, and to apply the other tips if you don’t ask! Failure stems from not asking; success starts with asking for what you want. Too many people fall into the “ears only” category; they enjoy reading these tips and dreaming about what could be; they may even learn a few things, but they do little or nothing to attain their goals. They intellectualize but never seem to actualize. However, success comes not just from visualizing your success but from your follow-through. Learn how to apply the basic principles of negotiation in your daily life, and you will get what you want. A critically important piece of advice is: DO IT!

20. Use self-hypnosis. Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of negotiating what you want. The final chapter tells you how.

Negotiate What You Want Summary 1. Realize you alone are the source of all the conditions and situations in your life. 2. Establish clarity of intent. 3. Apply the concept of willingness. 4. Overcome the blocks to asking. 5. Use creative visualization and imagination to reach your goal. 6. Ask the right person. 7. Ask effectively. 8. How you ask is as important as what you ask; use cleverness and humor in your approach. 9. Don’t be an island. Garner support and include other people. 10. Be your own expert. 11. Never let them know your deadline. 12. Determine the other person’s unspoken needs. 13. Approach each person on a human level. 14. Request or invite, never demand or beg.

15. Dress appropriately. 16. Schedule negotiations in your own office or surroundings. 17. Eat the right meal at the right time. 18. Use stress reducing strategies to ease physical and emotional tension. 19. Never give up.

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The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “I know exactly what I want and I am willing to do what is necessary to attain my goal.” “I am a successful negotiator and I achieve my desires.” “I carefully look at each situation and take the risks necessary to accomplish my goal.” “I have the power and ability to attain my desires. I now rise above the self-imposed blocks to get what I want.” “I am persistent in getting what I want. If one approach does not work, I try another.” “I am creative and imaginative in the way I negotiate with others.” “I recognize and use each opportunity to my advantage.” “I know how to ask for what I want.” “By helping others I receive help in return.”

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Become a Success Statistics show that highly successful people are: 1) self-confident; 2) impatient and excessive about their personal and professional pursuits; 3) committed to their work to the degree of being workaholics; 4) people who want, need and demand to be in control; 5) people who have strong likes and dislikes; 6) introverted as opposed to extroverted; 7) more concerned with being respected than being liked; 8) find the process of attaining their goals much more joyful than the actual accomplishment; 9) predictable and reliable high achievers who always act to secure the future; and 10) people who need to learn to delegate. If you don’t fulfill all these profile points, that doesn’t mean you can’t learn to become successful. YOU CAN! To most people, learning how to become successful means developing a particular skill, or launching a hot idea. But the truth is, that’s only a small part of success—a necessary part to be sure, but 90 percent of success results from four factors: energy, enthusiasm, self-image and discipline. Success obviously means different things to different people, and although most of the following tips could be applied to any aspect of success, this chapter will focus primarily on monetary success.

1. Develop clarity of intent. First and foremost you must develop clarity of intent, clearly defining what success means to you. If you don’t know exactly what you want, how can you expect to attain it? Whether you are just beginning or are already well into the race, be sure you have this clarity. You need a clearly defined goal or at least a strong general direction. In recent polls, 50 percent of those polled indicated that they did not know what they wanted to do that would make them ultra-successful. But you must know what you want if you expect to get it. Start by pretending you have come across a magical genie who has promised to grant three wishes. No logical restrictions. What would you wish to be, if you could have any wish you wanted? What do you want out of life? Not what should you want, or what someone else thinks you should want. What do you want? Maybe you think your real wants are greedy, so you disguise them. Or you feel your wants are irresponsible or unrealistic, so you won’t admit to them, even to yourself. Don’t put excuses between you and doing it. Don’t allow your excuses to stop you from forming clarity of intent. Without it, you have no direction, and nowhere to begin.

2. Learn the four factors that are crucial to any success: energy, enthusiasm, self-image and discipline. Energy: you must have the mental and physical energy to do what you need to do to succeed. Mental energy is necessary to learn your skills, calculate and remember.

Physical energy is the basis of all energy and is the key ingredient of renewal. How do you attain the energy you require? In a nutshell, it will come from your lifestyle. A lifestyle incorporating physical exercise and a proper diet, plus a balance of work and play, and a minimum of stress almost assures an excess of physical energy. Enthusiasm combined with action will hasten success. Enthusiasm is the psychological adrenaline that drives you to victory against the odds. It usually results from doing what you love to do. Before embarking upon the quest of a goal, be sure you have the enthusiasm to see it through. The more you believe in your goal the more enthusiasm you’ll have. Then attain the knowledge you need which will generate even more enthusiasm. Self-image: perceiving yourself as a winner is probably the most powerful success factor of all. Self-image results from what you do. The more you do what makes you proud of yourself, the better your self-image becomes. So, stop doing anything that lowers your self-image in any way. And start doing everything you can to generate positive esteem. It is critically important to realize that you will never allow yourself to have what you don’t feel worthy of. Do you feel worthy of your goals? If not you must begin immediately to program your conscious and subconscious mind to support your worthiness. Chapter Three “Increase Your Self-Esteem” offers a blueprint for building your self-image. Self-discipline isn’t about self-denial or self-restrictions. In the context of success it means self-determination. It is perseverance in action, and the very basis of success, because it is how you direct your time, energy and resources to manifest your desires. Self-discipline is the one ingredient common to all self-made, successful people. And it certainly isn’t difficult to rise above the level of self-discipline of the masses because they are so accustomed to being disciplined by others, they can’t discipline themselves. They accept being told what to do, and how and when to do it, by their parents, friends, mate, employer, religion and government. Self-discipline simply means that you do what you need to do, and stop doing what you know doesn’t work. It is you and you alone who controls your mind, body and actions. It starts with positive thoughts. If you can’t control your thoughts, you can’t control your actions. Obviously, your current life is a result of your thoughts, which created your feelings, which causes your actions. Begin immediately to monitor your thoughts and when you catch yourself thinking negative, say to yourself, “Success Opportunity.” Then quickly imagine the same situation with a positive outcome. This little technique blocks negative subconscious programming and promotes positive thinking.

3. Spend time constructively. The greatest resource you have is time! You either spend time or you waste it. Spending time means using it constructively, profitably, and ideally in a way that is fulfilling to you. Spending time might be working toward your success, a dinner with good friends, or sitting and doing nothing. Wasted time is exactly that—any time spent with people you don’t enjoy is wasted. Time spent doing busy work without benefit is wasted.

We all have the same 1,440 minutes per day—which is forever lost—unless you invest it in your future success, acquiring knowledge, learning skills, making business contacts or enhancing your personal life. If you have trouble planning, organizing your life and setting priorities you need to study time management. There are many excellent titles on time management at your local bookstore.

4. Never limit your vision. You will never succeed beyond the size of your vision. Your goals and vision are two different things. You may have a goal of owning a Taco Bell franchise, or maybe three Taco Bell franchises. But is that the full scope of your vision? Maybe your vision is to be one of the most respected, successful restaurateurs in Phoenix, Arizona. Maybe you envision a nationwide chain of restaurants. It is critical in the early stages of your career to spend time thinking about the size of your vision.

5. Realize that you need an emotional purpose. For a large vision, realize that you need an emotional purpose; an emotional purpose will keep driving you forward. The desire to send all your kids to Harvard is an emotional purpose. To prove your success potential to all the people who used to laugh at you is an emotional purpose. To rebuild your grandfather’s lost fortune is an emotional purpose. To enjoy the ego satisfaction of rising above all your peers is an emotional purpose. On the other hand, to succeed so you can pay the mortgage without such a struggle is a practical purpose. The greater the emotional desire, the sooner you will begin to set change into motion. Without an emotional purpose, instead of accomplishing practical goals, people tend to reduce the breadth of their vision. Having an emotional purpose allows you to dream bigger and to think bigger.

6. Act now. Don’t wait for the ideal time to put your success plans into action. Chances are there will never be a perfect time. Success comes to those who are bold enough to risk. Courage is the willingness to be afraid and to act anyway.

7. Stop worrying about what other people think. Stop worrying about what other people think in regard to what you want to do. Chances are they don’t really want you to succeed anyway. Your success will make them appear to be failures. If you need the approval of others, at least seek out a successful person you really admire. If you want to be successful, surround yourself with successful people. Birds of a feather flock together. If you want to make money and accumulate wealth, associate only with those who are comfortable with abundance. Avoid negative people, losers, socialites, and time wasters.

8. Balance your hard work with play. If you are a high achiever, doing something you love to do, it’s often hard to break away to spend time in other ways—such as exercising, sharing with your family,

spending quality time with your child, enjoying a hobby, or even attending to your spiritual needs. But this balance is critical to your overall well being. Maintaining your equilibrium needs to become a central priority. If you allow yourself to get out of balance, things will start to go wrong in the area you are not attending to. If your ignoring your relationship for your career, you can count on relationship problems which will then indirectly effect your work career. If you aren’t eating and exercising properly, you’ll probably get sick, which will again indirectly affect your success career.

9. Examine your beliefs about success. There are very few facts in your life. Most of what you have accepted to be your reality is the result of your beliefs. And when I say “your reality,” I’m speaking of all aspects of your life. In regard to your quest for financial success you need to examine your attitudes about success and those who are already successful. If someone pulls up beside you at a stoplight, driving a Rolls Royce, what do you think? If you think the driver is a snob, or you resent him, you are blocking your success, because you can’t become what you resent. Also you will always live up to your selfimage, and if deep down in your subconscious you feel snobbery accompanies riches, you will block getting rich. If any of this relates to you it is time to examine your beliefs about success. A quick way to do this is to instantly complete some sentences. Don’t even think about your answers—but from your heart immediately finish these sentences: I think rich people are ... My potential for success is ... My basic belief about becoming wealthy is ...

If any of your answers were negative, you have a problem with beliefs that must be solved by finding the cause of the belief, or through reprogramming. There are many ways to process the cause of the belief: metaphysical counseling, past-life regression, self hypnosis, psychiatric therapy, etc. You will have to find what works best for you.

10. Project confidence. Project confidence, even if you don’t feel it. Speak with authority and act confidently. Remember this life-changing fact: you don’t have to change how you feel about something to affect it, if you are willing to change what you are doing. In other words, even if you don’t feel confident, if you will just act confident, soon your feelings will follow your new behavior and you will become confident.

11. Apply the 80/20 Plan. There are many variations of this idea which basically says that 80 percent of everything of value is owned, achieved or created by 20 percent of the people. The idea is to be one of the 20 percent. But the aspect of the 80/20 plan I most like to share is based upon research that proves that you get 80 percent of your results in life from 20

percent of your efforts. The idea is to increase your efforts in the area that is paying off and delegate to others the busy work that isn’t generating the high-percentage return.

12. Assume the role of a leader. This tip is about leadership. There are few kinds of success that don’t require leadership, so you must be ready to assume it. This means you need to become a leader, to set examples, to speak up and delegate. Delegation is often one of the most difficult things for successful people to do, but until you are willing to delegate, you will severely limit your success potential. Spend your time doing that which you do best, and that which generates the best results—and delegate the rest.

13. Don’t give up. The longer the lead time you invest in your success, the greater the payoff. All the extra energy and effort you put into what you are doing will pay off down the line, if for no other reason than there is much less competition. Most people are oriented to an immediate payoff. They can’t financially afford to wait, or they aren’t emotionally capable of waiting. It is estimated that only ten people in a hundred will put effort into something unless it will pay off in a year’s time. And it follows that only one of the ten is emotionally capable of investing time, energy, money or sacrifice into something that won’t remain profitable for five years.

14. Spend each moment doing the most productive thing you can. A simple reminder that you may want to write out and put up on the mirror in your bathroom, on the dashboard of your car and on your desk: I will spend each moment doing the most productive thing I can. Think about that. It’s a statement from you to yourself. Let it become your affirmation for success. I will spend each moment doing the most productive thing I can. I will spend each moment doing the most productive thing I can. And then do it.

15. Uncover any blocks. Uncover any blocks that could be keeping you from success. Everything we feel, everything we experience goes back to a cause. If you are doing everything to succeed but only attaining a limited level of success, you may have a subconscious block—a negative payoff that is keeping you from becoming all you are capable of being. It could go back to a childhood incident, or a forgotten causal event in your adult life. If you can’t find the cause on your own, you might want to consider a session with a regressive hypnotist. A hypnotist directed a talented young woman back to the cause of her success block. She saw her own father in her mind and realized if she succeeded beyond the level of her father’s success, it would hurt him. She loved him so much she was unwilling to outdo him. Love was actually the block. Often, just knowing about the block is enough to allow you to transcend it. And even if it isn’t, you can use the awareness as the basis of new subconscious programming.

16. Accept that what is, is. It is your resistance to what is that causes your suffering. When people and things aren’t the way you want them to be, you get upset. But it is your viewpoint and you can choose to react positively or negatively to outside circumstances. The success oriented idea is to choose a detached, positive viewpoint. You can view your setbacks and frustrations as problems or as opportunities. It’s always up to you.

17. Choose a role model. Role models are critical to your success. Who is most successful at doing what you want to do? Your role model proves that it can be done, which makes it easier for you to do it too. Even the role model superstars keep their own heroes, long after becoming role models themselves. The idea is to learn everything you can about your role model. How does he work? How did he get where he is today? What motivates him? Who is his role model? What are his future dreams? Decide if his techniques are applicable to your personality. Then, plan your own version of his strategy, compete with him and attempt to outdo him. As you move forward in your career, meeting new challenges and accomplishing your goals, you will replace your role model with new ones. Emulating people you admire is an ideal way to measure yourself and to stimulate achievement.

18. Think positive. You are creating your own reality with everything you think. In accepting this you understand that your real power lies in your ability to control your thoughts. The majority of the population appears to focus their attention on lack and limitation, instead of abundance and success. If you are not forming your life with positive thoughts about yourself and your future, your subconscious mind is creating your reality based upon past programming, and that could be very undesirable.

19. Align your values and your goal. First, be realistic about your goal. By that I mean choose a goal that offers economic viability, and in an area you can master. You can create any reality you desire if you’ve chosen a realistic goal and you are willing to pay the price. Calculate the price to make sure you are willing to pay it before you begin. The price will always be counted in time, effort, money or sacrifice, or any combination of these factors. Make sure that values and goals align. If your primary value is your family and homelife, but your main goal is to conduct seminars all over the world, it will mean you’ll be away from home, living in hotels most of the time. The goal and value don’t align. The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming.

20. Use self-hypnosis. Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of becoming a success. The final chapter tells you how.

Become a Success Summary 1. Develop clarity of intent. 2. Learn the four factors that are crucial to any success: energy, enthusiasm, self-image and discipline. 3. Spend time constructively. 4. Never limit your vision. 5. Realize that you need an emotional purpose. 6. Act now. 7. Stop worrying about what other people think. 8. Balance your hard work with play. 9. Examine your beliefs about success. 10. Project confidence. 11. Apply the 80/20 plan. 12. Assume the role of a leader. 13. Don’t give up. 14. Spend each moment doing the most productive thing you can. 15. Uncover any blocks. 16. Accept that what is, is. 17. Choose a role model. 18. Think positive. 19. Align your values and your goal.

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Affirmations •

The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “I take control of my life and create unlimited monetary abundance.” “Every day in every way I become more and more successful.” “My creative thinking now opens the doors to abundance.” “I now focus my attention on making great amounts of money.” “I am totally confident of my success.” “I am clear on my intent to become successful.” “I am willing to do what I need to do to succeed.” “I live a lifestyle that generates high energy.” “I am worthy and deserving of wealth and success.” “I surround myself with happy and successful people.”

“I am self-disciplined and I do what I need to do to succeed.” “I spend my time constructively, profitably and in ways that fulfill me.” “I enthusiastically accept a leadership position.” “I will spend each moment doing the most productive thing I can.”

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Create Happiness For most of us, happiness is what life is all about. Our dreams and goals revolve around happiness. And it seems that we know what is best for us, because when we are happier, we are also healthier. Research clearly shows that happier people have fewer physical ills, they age slower and live longer. There is no one happiness formula that is right for everyone, but the behavioral experts continue to prove that there are several factors that contribute most to meaningful happiness. Happiness is a state of well being, filled with positive feelings toward yourself and the world. Of course, truth is what works for you, and if you believe something to be, it becomes so for you. So your own ideas about happiness are important to the attainment of happiness. If you stop to think about it, just about every decision you make is based upon what you think will bring you more happiness. All of the important aspects of your life, your love and relationships, your job, your level of success, your friendships, your sexuality, and spirituality are a means to bring you happiness. Among the encouraging news found in psychological research studies comes knowledge that people are infinitely changeable. Once they have established clarity of intent, they can alter their personalities, rise above neurotic patterns, and find happiness at almost any age. The experts claim that throughout your entire life relationships are continually reshaping you. And an imbalance at one point can be corrected later on. Most of the suggestions have already been shared in other chapters, but I’m going to repeat them again, together, because this combination of factors is most likely to generate happiness.

1. Love yourself Love yourself. This is critically important. Self-esteem is a cornerstone of happiness and mental health. Contentment is a benefit of loving yourself and is the core of motivation. Your self-esteem is primarily based upon what you do in life. When you do things that make you feel good about yourself, you increase your self-esteem. When you do things that make you feel bad about yourself, you lose self-esteem. (Read the “Enhance Self-Esteem” chapter.) Self-esteem is also the result of how you look. So if there is something you don’t like about the way you look, get to work on a program to change for the better. This is sometimes the fastest way to begin increasing your feelings of self-worth.

2. Strive for a loving life Research shows that people who are in love are actually happier. Statistically, a happy marriage is the most important contributor to well being, according the University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center. And even if marriage is not a consideration, almost any kind of loving relationship will increase happiness. This can be with children, family, friends, or a small group with a purpose. Even pets can be of

value here. It seems that when you care about someone else, you feel better about yourself.

3. Get a job you like Surveys show that people consider their work to be crucial to their happiness. And those who are happy in their work, are happier overall. It seems that our work defines and affirms a feeling of self in powerful ways. There is also a theory that we channel our anger and aggression into wrestling with our work projects. Completion results in a feeling of triumph over an adversary. Mothers and homemakers have unique full-time jobs of their own, but even those who cannot take on regular employment can volunteer activities or tackle a hobby or a garden.

4. Decide what you want The primary reason people are not as happy and fulfilled as they want to be, is because they do not know exactly what they want to do with the rest of their life. Sometimes, even when they think they know, they are fooling themselves and they are wanting it for the wrong reasons. If you don’t know what you want, now is the time to figure it out.

5. Change beliefs that work against you I’ve already discussed beliefs in the “Reverse Aging” chapter (#8), and the “Become A Success” chapter (#14). But I’ll approach it here for a different perspective. In a seminar, I once had an overweight woman stand up, put her hands on her hips and say, “Richard, I’m over-weight because I over-eat, not because of my beliefs.” “Your beliefs are causing your to over-eat. If you want to lose weight you’ll have to change those beliefs,” I said in response. As I explained to her, I’ve created hundreds of self-change tapes and CDs: hypnosis, subliminals, sleep programming, self-talk, goalimprinting. And what do these audio programs do? Everyone of them is structured to change the listener’s beliefs by programming new beliefs into their subconscious mind.” So what are your basic beliefs about happiness? You may think you need something you don’t really need to be happy. In other words, if you think you can’t be happy without a relationship, then you won’t be. Although that probably is not a fact. If you believe that sex can only be so good, that is all the better it will be for you. If you believe you can only achieve limited success, that is all you will achieve. Your disharmonious beliefs are like walls, surrounding you and restricting your life. But if you want to tear down the walls, you must first recognize that you are not free. You cannot change what you don’t recognize.

6. Live as fully as possible in the present Live in the present, one day at a time. All too many people tend to live in the past or in the future. In so doing, they are incapable of experiencing the moment. So in effect, they are missing out on life. For the rest of this day, why not “tune-in” to everything in your life—perceive the people and surroundings as if you were a writer with an assignment to capture the details of your day with words and images? Read more in the “Increase self-esteem” chapter (#3).

7. Develop meaningful activities Some researchers rate “meaningful activities” as the most important ingredient for a happy life. Your happiness may directly relate to the amount of time you spend doing things you find satisfying and enjoyable. These are activities that allow you to express what you consider yourself to be. For one person, this might be their work. For another, a special interest. And a young mother might find looking after her child to be her most meaningful activity.

8. Open to the power of human touch Research is confirming what mental-health professionals have been saying for years. Your sense of touch is very important to your well being. Through touching others, we fulfill much of our human needs, which results in attaining happiness. Through touch we can affirm friendships, project approval, and communicate important messages. Touch promotes health and helps us to establish love. But all too often, people equate touch with sex or violence. So they avoid such simple acts as a pat on the back, a sincere handshake, or a hug. Touch others to show that you care and to express your affection.

9. Accept that what is, is We have relationship problems, we lose loved ones through separation or death, we experience loneliness, sickness and accidents. We are haunted by guilt, have monetary hardships, experience phobias and fears, and have unfulfilled desires. And we experience this distress because we desire things to be different than they are. In short, it is your resistance to what is that causes your suffering. Income taxes exist, that’s what is. Gravity exists, that’s what is. Your mate is quiet and stubborn, that’s what is. You can spend your life attempting to change what is, but there is not much you are going to do about it. Instead, concentrate your efforts on the things you can change. But you should hear the resistance to this concept, I hear in my seminars. People want things changed. In fact, they want everything they dislike changed. And some think I am advocating a total passive acceptance of life as it is. This is certainly not the case. I advocate that your learn to recognize the difference between the things you can change and the things you can not change. Then stop wasting your energy on resisting what you can not change. When you accept what is in your life, you simply accept facts. You accept logic. In reality, you have no choice in accepting what is. It is what is. But you certainly have a choice in how you respond to what is. You can handle it, or make it worse by generating negative subconscious programming.

10. Accept that you can not change other human beings No one can change someone else, nor should they expect another person to become anyone other than who they are. This is faulty thinking, for any forced change will not last, or it will result in new eruptions of unsatisfactory behavior. We are all free human beings and must be respected for what we are, not for what someone else wants us to be. It is a basic human right to be who you are without changing your ideas or behavior to

satisfy someone else. If your behavior makes someone else uncomfortable, they have the right to leave. The same goes for you. Often in a close relationship, one person will compromise in hopes of achieving harmony. They change, and thus the other person is now reacting to a different, changed person. And often they also change, not because they are being asked to, but because they want to. In a situation like this, the change is natural and will probably last.

11. Develop detached mind The vast majority of people on this planet live out their lives knowing only attached mind. This means your state of mind is always changing from positive to negative as outside conditions change. This is extreme fluctuation from happiness and joy, down through neutral to the basement of emotions: depression, hostility, anger. Examples of attached mind: 1) You are enjoying a relaxing afternoon with your mate until he says something to irritate you. Your response is anger and you dwell upon the remark for the rest of the day. 2) You climbed into the shower wearing your brand new electronic watch. The water ruins it, and you become depressed. 3) You give a presentation at your club and it is well received. But afterward, someone who’s opinion you respect, criticizes your presentation and you respond with hostility. The goal is to develop detached mind. This means your state of mind fluctuates only from positive to neutral as outside conditions change. You accept all the warmth, joy and happiness that life has to offer while detaching from negativity by allowing it to flow through you without affecting you. Examples of detached mind: 1) You are having a relaxing afternoon with your mate until she says something negative. Your response is neutral. You realize that it isn’t what someone says to you that affects you, it is only what you think about what they say that affects you. It is what you add to it. You're are also aware that her response is only an expression of her past programming so to take it personally is foolish. 2) You climb into the shower with your watch on and the water ruins it. In understanding that you can do nothing about it, you accept what is. You refuse to get upset to get upset and make matters worse by programming your subconscious mind with negativity. 3) You give a presentation at your club and it is well received by all but one person. When he criticizes your presentation, you realize your critic is speaking from his viewpoint, which has nothing to do with the facts. You know your talk was well received and you have detached from the need to be right. To develop conscious detachment, means to detach only from the negativity in your life. This does not mean having no feelings. It is not a matter of ignoring faults or mistakes. You simply stop judging and labeling what happens to you. I’m talking about being totally involved in your life and enjoying everything there is to enjoy, while detaching from the negativity. By eliminating the negativity, you have more time and room for love and warm interaction. When you cease to be concerned with negativity, you’ll be more likely to enter into whatever you do without holding anything back, free to be entirely at one with circumstances.

12. Choose a positive viewpoint You always have the free will to choose how you are going to view an incident or situation. Put a positive spin on the negative—even if only to say, “Well, I certainly learned a lesson I won’t soon forget.” As I’ve said in other chapters, if there were no problems to challenge you, there would be no growth. There would be no way for you to learn how to handle things and become aware of your capability for making your life work. The real secret to growth and happiness through problems, is to look upon problems as opportunities. The bigger the problem, the bigger the opportunity. In regard to many problems, nothing about the situation will change but your viewpoint. And yet by changing your reaction to the situation, you eliminate the problem, because if you are not being affected by a problem, you don’t have a problem.

13. Embrace laughter Laughter is valuable in healing and it helps to generate happiness by helping you to maintain a balanced perspective. Laughter also has many positive physical side effects such as lowering blood pressure and improving digestion.

14. Exercise your body to influence mind There is a direct and powerful connection between physical exercise and mental well being. Exercise increases self-esteem, relieves anxiety, improves attentiveness, dissipates stress, and elevates mood. Investigate a good age-related exercise program.

15. Take the time to enjoy leisure Leisure not only reduces stress, it enhances contentment. Relaxing and enjoying life is often the most productive thing you can do.

16. Give to others Research studies show that altruism increases happiness. Losing yourself in others can be great self-therapy.

17. The older you get, the happier you will be A University of Michigan study of thousands of Americans shows that the older people get, the happier they become. People from 45 up enjoy more self-confidence and are likelier to be more realistic in their expectations.

18. Learn to use your time successfully Research shows that unorganized people are not as happy as those who are punctual, organized and efficient. Take a time management course at your local college if you need help in this area.

19. Protect your health with proper diet and lifestyle Although good health doesn’t produce happiness, ill health and pain destroys the feeling of well being.

20. Develop a diverse life Develop a diverse life and many sources of satisfaction, including love, work, friendships, traveling, fitness, hobbies, spirituality and much more. Real involvement in life creates happiness.

21. Seek out close friends of both sexes Seek out and maintain close friends of both sexes. None of us are solitary creatures. We all need warm interaction with others to feel fulfilled. Platonic relationships with the opposite sex round you out as a human being and offer a sounding board for differing viewpoints. Same sex friends are one of life’s pleasures and will be there to support you in times of need.

22. Make sure your life includes challenge and aliveness Challenge is critical to your well being and will usually result from wise risking. Challenge generates aliveness. And if the challenge is built upon a positive premise, the aliveness manifests as real enjoyment in doing what you do. It is the excitement and exhilaration that make you feel glad to be alive, the joy, stimulation and pleasure that make life worth living.

23. Stop worrying about what other people think The expectations of others will dominate you if you let them. Expectations are the enemy of freedom. What you think is what is most important.

24. Stop blaming others Blame is nothing but an expression of self-pity. The happiest people take full responsibility for their lives. If you don’t like the reality you have created, you have the power to change it and to change yourself.

25. Act to create change You have to act if you want to create change in your life. Use self change tapes/CDs to support your goals. Once you are clear on your intent, this mind programming will assist you to accelerate self-change.

26. Use self-hypnosis Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of creating happiness. The final chapter tells you how.

Create Happiness Summary 1. Love yourself. 2. Strive for a loving life. 3. Get a job you like. 4. Decide what you want. 5. Change beliefs that work against you. 6. Live as fully as possible in the present. 7. Develop meaningful activities. 8. Open to the power of human touch. 9. Accept that what is, is. 10. Accept that you can not change other human beings. 11. Develop detached mind. 12. Choose a positive viewpoint. 13. Embrace laughter. 14. Exercise your body to influence mind. 15. Take the time to enjoy leisure. 16. Give to others. 17. The older you get, the happier you will be. 18. Learn to use your time successfully. 19. Protect your health with proper diet and lifestyle. 20. Develop a diverse life. 21. Seek out close friends of both sexes. 22. Make sure your life includes challenge and aliveness. 23. Stop worrying about what other people think. 24. Stop blaming others. 25. Act to create change.

• Affirmations • The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “Every day in every way I love myself more and more.” “I make the time to do things that are satisfying and enjoyable.” “I am self-confident and self-reliant.” “I give love and I am open and receptive to receiving love.” “I catch negative thoughts and turn them positive.”

“Without resistance, I now accept the things I cannot change.” “I choose to live one day at a time.” “I seek out friends of both sexes.” “I accept others as they are without expecting them to change.” “Negativity flows through me without affecting me.” “I now view problems only as opportunities.” “I maintain a daily exercise program.” “I act to create a diverse and thrilling life.” “I know I can change myself in any way I desire.”

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How To Make Your Own Self-Hypnosis Tapes/CDs The affirmations at the end of each chapter can be used as self-talk or they can be included in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind-programming. Self-talk is a matter of thinking or speaking positive suggestions that support your self-change goals. As examples: 1) You are driving down the road, and instead of daydreaming, you speak the suggestions out loud with real emotion. 2) While waiting to meet someone in a busy location, you think the suggestions over and over. 3) When lying down to sleep, you think or speak the suggestions over and over until you drift off. You get the idea. The repetition provides very real mind-programming power. In time, this positive new programming will override the old negative programming and you will begin to see changes. Self-hypnosis is an ultra-powerful way of programming your subconscious mind to affect change. You can do self-hypnosis by sitting down and following a simple set of instructions, or you can make your own self-hypnosis tape. You don’t need professional recording equipment to make your own effective mindprogramming tape or CD. I use a top-notch recording studio to create the CDs my company offers to the public. But for my own personal use, I often speak into an inexpensive little tape recorder with a built-in microphone. The resulting tape isn’t the greatest quality or mixed with soothing music, but it is custom created to fit my exacting programming needs at that time. If correctly created and used regularly, the tape will be every bit as effective as a professionally created program. You can also do self-hypnosis without the tape/CD, which will be just as effective, but requires more concentration and self-discipline. The instructions that follow will apply both situations. The end-of-chapter affirmations can be used just as they’re written or you can skip some and add some of your own. The secret to powerful, effective suggestions is to phrase them positively, as if you’d already accomplished the goal you desire. As an example, never say, “I want to get rid of a headache.” The word headache might actually make your head ache more. You’d say, “my head now feels good, better than it’s ever felt before.” As another example, you would not say, “I want to become extremely successful.” The suggestion refers to some abstract future. Instead you would say, “I am extremely successful, and every day I become more and more successful.” You get the idea.

The Technique First, use deep breathing to relax your body and mind. Take a very deep in-breath, and hold it for as long as you comfortably can. Then let the breath out slowly through slightly parted lips; this allows you to retain the moisture in your mouth. When you think the air is all the way out, contract your stomach muscles and push it even further out. Then repeat the process. Do this for a couple minutes before you begin the body relaxation. When you begin to relax your physical body, play the role, play the part and imagine your body relaxing in response to the suggestions.

Body Relaxation Close your eyes. Use the following as a recording script or paraphrase the words in your mind: The relaxing power is now entering the toes of both of my feet at the same time. It is moving right on down into my arches ... into my heels, and right on up into my ankles. Completely relaxed. Completely relaxed. And the relaxing power now moves on up my legs to my knees, relaxing all the muscles as it goes ... and on up my legs to my thighs and to my hips, permeating every cell and every atom. An my full attention is on relaxing my body as the relaxing power now moves on up into the fingers of both of my hands ... relaxing my hands. And my forearms are relaxing ... and my upper arms are relaxing. My fingers and hands and forearms and upper arms are now just completely relaxed. And the relaxing power moves on down into the base of my spine, and I imagine a warmth in the base of my spine. And the warmth now moves slowly up my spine ... up my spine ... up my spine, and into the back of my neck and shoulder muscles. And the back of my neck and shoulder muscles are loose and limp ... loose and limp ... just completely relaxed. And the relaxing power now moves on up the back of my neck and into; my scalp ... relaxing my scalp. And the relaxing power drains down into my facial muscles ... relaxing my facial muscles. My jaw is relaxed. I leave a little space between my teeth. And my throat is relaxed. My entire body is now relaxed all over in every way ... and all tension is gone from my body and mind.

Deepening Visualize yourself in a situation in which you are going down, down, down as you count backward from seven to one. Number seven: deeper, deeper, deeper, down, down, down. Number six: deeper, deeper, deeper, down, down, down. Number five: deeper, deeper, deeper, down, down, down. Number four: deeper, deeper, deeper, down, down, down. Number three: deeper, deeper, deeper, down, down, down. Number two: deeper, deeper, deeper, down, down, down. Number one. And I am now relaxed and at ease and I feel a sense of deepness. I remain consciously aware of my surrounding, but my body is going to sleep ... to sleep ... to sleep. Number seven: deeper, deeper, deeper, down, down, down. Number six: deeper, deeper, deeper, down, down, down. Number five: deeper, deeper, deeper, down, down, down. Number four: deeper, deeper, deeper, down, down, down. Number three: deeper, deeper, deeper, down, down, down. Number two: deeper, deeper, deeper, down, down, down. Number one ... and I am now in a deep, deep altered state of consciousness.

At this point you are deep in an altered state of consciousness, or deep in a meditative state, or deep in hypnosis, whichever you prefer to call it. They are the same thing. Next, give yourself a suggestion such as the following: And I’m now relaxed and at ease and I can awaken at any time by simply counting up from one to five and say the words, “wide awake.” So I’m always in control of my mind-programming sessions. And I’m gong to begin with suggestions that will be communicated to every level of my body and mind, and they will be accepted on every level of my body and mind. Insert from 9 to 15 appropriate suggestions/affirmations as found at the end of each chapter or create your own. Then say: And these suggestions have been communicated to every level of my body and mind, and they’ve been accepted on every level of my body and mind. ///// And I’m now going to visualize my desires as already being successfully accomplished. I fantasize the desired result of this programming, by creating every detail in my mind ... my feelings and reactions ... the reactions of others. Everything. Your subconscious mind is a visual consciousness, so it responds best to visual programming. Visualize what you desire as a mental movie. You are the producer, director and star. Use other people in your movies, but as the director you are in control of their words, actions and reactions. You imagine the events exactly the way you like to experience them in real life. By seeing your goals as accomplished, your subconscious is able to fully comprehend the goal. It then beings to work in subtle ways to manifest the inner belief in your outer life. Spend one to three minutes visualizing. Vary your mental movies. As an example if you desire to lose weight, here are some variations: 1) You see yourself step on a scale and watch the dial swing, slow down, then stop at your desired weight. You hear yourself exclaim with delight, you imagine the smile on your face, and you feel the elation. 2) While out in the world, you run into a friend you haven’t seen for a long time. Your friend is amazed at your thin body and proceeds to tell you so. Create all the dialogue and interaction. 3) You’re shopping in a clothing store and the salesclerk asks your size (use the size you want to be). Imagine the process of trying on the clothes. They fit perfectly. Feel the elation. The clerk compliments you on your figure. Next, support the visualizations with phrases like the following: I’ve just seen my own reality and the visualizations manifest in my life. I ask it, I beseech it, I mark it, and so it is. And I’m now going to repeat a mantra to saturate my mind with a message. I will shout the words out silently and imagine them echoing out across the universe and back to me. Create one sentence that best expresses what you desire. Repeat it over and over from 10 to 20 times. That’s right. I’ve programmed this suggestion on every level of my being, and it becomes my reality. //// And now, once again, it’s time to imagine another mental movie. One to three minutes visualizing. Next repeat the suggestions. I’ve just seen my own reality, and upon awakening I will remember all that has been communicated. I’ll awaken feeling as if I’ve just had a refreshing nap. My head will be clear, and I’ll think and act with calm self-assurance ... feeling glad to be alive and peace with myself, the world and everyone in it. On the count of five I will open my eyes and be wide awake. Number one, I feel the life blood returning to my arms and legs.

Number two, coming on up and at peace with all life. Number three, coming on up feeling an internal balance and harmony. Number four, returning to my waking state. Number five, wide awake, wide awake.

ALTERED-STATE TIPS Conditioning On average, it takes 21 days of use to fully condition your body/mind to easily attain your natural altered-state depth. Do a hypnosis session at least once a day, every day. Once you are conditioned, the suggestions will become more effective. There is no way to judge how long it will take. If you’ve smoked 20 years, every time you raised a cigarette to your lips and drew in the smoke, you were enforcing a positive smoking suggestion. Understandably, it may take a lot of non-smoking suggestions to override the old programming. But keep at it. Change will occur if you are patient and tenacious.

Body Position For your self-hypnosis sessions, try to pick a time when you will not be interrupted and a place where it is quiet. You may either sit in a chair or lie down. If you are sitting, be sure both feet are flat on the floor and place your hands on your legs. Do not cross your legs; any weight can feel heavier during hypnosis. The prone position is best unless it causes you to go to sleep. Avoid altered-state work when you’re very tired. Each session conditions your subconscious mind and you don’t want to condition it to fall asleep when you go into hypnosis. If you fall asleep twice while in the prone position, do your sessions in a sitting position for a few days. Your subconscious mind contains all of the memories of this life (and past lives), but it has very little reasoning power; thus it can easily be programmed contrary to your conscious desires, unless you know how to work with it. There is no danger whatsoever in falling asleep while in an altered state; it is only the habit pattern that is to be avoided. If you wear contact lenses and normally remove them when you go to sleep, take them out before going into an altered state.

The Environment Certain conditions are more conducive than others to doing altered-state work. An overly warm room is much better than a cool one. Darkness helps most people to visualize more effectively, so if you don’t have a dark room, use one of the sleep masks available at most drugstores. If your environment is noisy, use earplugs. If you’re using a tape, use headphones. If it is extremely noisy, you may also want to play another tape/CD at the same time to block out the noise. Sound effects programs such as rain or the ocean are good, and New Age music might also be helpful.

Retaining the Impressions Subjective impressions received or created while in an altered state may seem dreamlike and fade rapidly when you awaken. For this reason, you might want to have a pencil and paper beside you when you awaken so you can quickly write down any impressions you desire to remember.

The Tripping Problem Once you are fully conditioned, you may sometimes go into an altered state and not remember anything upon awakening. If you are working with a tape and open your eyes on the count of five, you are not just falling asleep. You may actually be too good of a subject and be “tripping” or drifting in and out. There are several ways to deal with this tendency. First, try sitting up against a wall or in a chair while in the altered state. You won’t be quite as comfortable, but this may help to keep you from tripping. If you’re simply going too deep, don’t do any deep breathing before the induction. Once you have become conditioned, you may also want to limit the body relaxation to simply imagining a wave of relaxation moving from your toes to your head. Another technique is to make sure you stay fully conscious during the initial part of the induction. If you’re working with a tape, don’t close your eyes until you get to the seven-to-one countdown. Other techniques that may help if you’re falling asleep or tripping out: Niacinamide (vitamin B3) opens all the deep-level blood vessels within about 20 minutes after you take it. College students often use it to stay fully alert during an exam. I usually take about 500 milligrams before going out on stage to conduct a seminar. A couple 400 IU capsules of vitamin E and two tablespoons of honey is another upper, especially when combined with a few minutes of stretching or exercise. The honey instantly puts sugar in your system while the vitamin E extends the oxygen. It will keep you wide awake and mentally alert for up to four hours. Don’t use this if you’ve been drinking alcohol as it will work in reverse—as a downer.

Spinning or Swaying A small percentage of people sometimes experience a feeling of spinning or swaying while in an altered state, especially toward the end of the induction. There is nothing to fear; you are probably attempting to leave your body and astral project. To stop the effect, simply give yourself the strong command, “Stabilize! On the count of three I will stabilize and the swaying ceases, one, two, three.” You are always in control in selfhypnosis/meditation.

Headaches On rare occasions, someone will awaken from an altered state with a headache that feels like a tight band around the forehead. Although somewhat uncomfortable, it is not a matter for concern and will usually disappear within 30 minutes.

Trigger Word Post-Hypnotic Mind Programming The trigger word technique is post-hypnotic programming to use when you need an extra lift to support your goal. The word you choose might be “concentration,” “willpower,” “motivation,” “energy”—whatever you want it to be, in keeping with your goal. The programming is highly effective once you have become conditioned and begun to use it.

Here’s an example as to how it is used on my Master of Life Video Hypnosis programming: “And you now become a Master of Life, living in harmony with yourself and your world. And I am now going to give you some key trigger words for posthypnotic conditioned response. Any time in your daily life that you find yourself needing to recall your dedication to the goal of enlightenment, you will simply stop what you are doing, close your eyes, take a deep breath and say these words quietly to yourself, ‘Master of Life.’ The words, “Master of Life” are a conditioned response signal to your subconscious mind and when you say these words, you will experience peace, balance, and harmony. This conditioned-response technique draws upon the power of your mind to support you in the fulfillment of your enlightenment goal. The words ‘Master of Life’ now become a post-hypnotic suggestion for mental tranquility, peace, balance, and harmony. And you will experience the suggestion as totally effective. Every time you hear this suggestion and every time you use your ‘Master of Life’ programming, it will become more and more effective. “

Trigger Word Script For You To Use And I am now going to give myself some key trigger words for conditioned response. Any time in my daily life that I find myself ____________, I will simply stop what I am doing, close my eyes, take a couple of deep breaths, and say these words quietly to myself ... “_________________________.” The words “____________________” are a conditioned-response key to my subconscious mind and when I say these words, I will draw upon the unlimited power of my subconscious mind to support me in the fulfillment of my desires. When I say these key trigger words I will ____________________. The words “_____________________” now become my conditioned-response technique and I will experience it as totally effective. And every time I hear this suggestions and every time I use my “__________________” programming, it will become more and more effective.”

Why Hypnosis Works Your subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality ... between the real experience and the imagined experience. One of the initial tests that proved this was the recording of brain wave patterns under specific conditions. Test subjects would be placed in a room and wired to an EEG machine. Someone would now run into the room and fire a gun. Someone else would do a dance, a dog would bark, a color would be projected, et cetera. As the test subject was exposed to exposed to each situation, it caused his brain waves to form patterns on the recording instruments. Each situation was marked on the recording paper so the researchers would know what had transpired to create each pattern. “Dog barked here,” as an example. The next stage of the test was to have the subject sit and concentrate upon the situations described by the researchers. As an example, “I now want you to imagined yourself watching a woman doing a dance. See it in your mind, fantasize it, conceive it with as much imagination as possible. / / / All right, I now want you to imagine a dog barking.” While the subject was concentrating upon these imagined situations, her brain waves were once again being recorded. The results of the test showed the exact same patterns

of up and down brain waves were created when the woman came into the room and did a dance as when the subject imagined her doing a dance. The same was true with all other situations with all of the test subjects. The brain waves were identical, so the computer part of the mind was obviously incapable of telling the real from the imagined. Another supportive series of tests were conducted by the University of Chicago. These and many similar tests show how our subconscious computer actually creates the reality for which it is programmed. Three test groups of subjects took part in a mental programming experiment based upon shooting a basketball. All the participating students were tested as to their individual basket-shooting ability and the results were tabulated. Group One was told, “Don’t play any basketball for a month. In fact, just forget about basketball for the entire month.” Group Two was told, “You are each to practice shooting baskets for one full hour a day, everyday, for the month.” Group Three was told, “You are to spend one hour a day imagining you are successfully shooting baskets. Do this each day for the month. Fantasize yourself at being successful shooting baskets. See every detail of your accomplishments in your mind.” One month later, the three groups were again tested as to their basket-shooting ability. The Group One participants, who hadn’t played basketball for a month, tested exactly the same as they did the first time. Group Two, who had been practicing a full hour every day for a month, demonstrated a 24-percent improvement in their basketshooting ability. Group Three, who had only imagined that they were successfully shooting baskets for an hour each day, tested 23 percent improved in their actual basketshooting ability—only one percentage point less than the group that had actually been practicing. Obviously, the group that only imagined shooting baskets successfully programmed their subconscious mind to perform almost as effectively as those who had actually practiced. The subconscious will always work to replicate your inner programming in your outer life. And it can be fooled—tricked. It can be programmed, especially by vividly imagining what you desire as if it were already so. A breakthrough in physics research shows how the use of altered states of consciousness can lead to a transformation in nearly every part of your life. An experimentally confirmed theory earned Belgian chemist Ilya Prigogine a Nobel Prize. Called “the theory of dissipative structures,” it solved the mystery regarding why the use of altered states can result in life-changing insights, new behavior patterns, and the relief of lifelong phobias or ailment. Here’s how the theory works as applied to real people: First, human beings are structures. The structure of your body is composed of bones, muscles, and ligaments. Your brain, however, is given structure by the thoughts and memories that dictate your actions. It is the programming of your brain that provides it with structure. Now, Prigogine’s theory states that complex structures (such as the human brain) require an enormous and consistent flow of energy to maintain. In the brain that energy is measured as brain-wave levels on an EEG machine. The up-and-down pattern of these

wave levels reflects a fluctuation in the amount of energy reaching the brain. The larger the fluctuation of brain-wave levels, the larger the fluctuation of energy. In wide-awake beta consciousness, your brain-wave levels would show up on an EEG as small, rapid, up-and-down lines. There is little fluctuation in the level of energy. However, when you change your state of consciousness through the use of altered-state techniques—hypnosis, meditation, relaxation, et cetera—your brain-wave levels shift to alpha and theta. There is a lot of fluctuation in the level of energy in these altered states. According to Prigogine’s theory, small fluctuations of energy (such as beta rhythms) are suppressed by the brain, so it stays essentially the same. That’s why changes suggested to a conscious mind usually have little effect. The message is suppressed by all the existing programming. However, says Prigogine, large fluctuations of energy (such as alpha and theta rhythms) can cause the structure to break apart and reorganize itself into a higher and even more complex form. That’s why suggestions given to an individual exploring in the alpha and theta brain-wave levels are so effective in creating change. The new suggestion, dropped into the uneven alpha rhythms like a pebble into a pond, creates a ripple effect that tears apart old programming and creates new behaviors and viewpoints. Your brain dismantles its old concepts and reorganizes them into new, more complex, and usually more meaningful forms. When this shift occurs, you may become aware of information about your life and goals that your old mental structures kept hidden from you. You may experience a sudden, powerful insight into an unsolved problem and you may even release yourself from its effects. There is also an added bonus. Each transformation makes the next one likelier. You see, every time you trigger a collapse of memory or data structures and your brain reorganizes them into more complex forms, it requires more energy to maintain those new structures. And they are even more vulnerable to fluctuations of energy. Basically, the more complex a structure is, the more unstable it is, and the easier it is to trigger the next transformation. If you carry this concept to its logical conclusion, you’ll see that every time you successfully use an altered state of consciousness to achieve new insights, or to program or reprogram your mind, you increase your chances of success the next time you do it. In other words, the more you program self-improvement, the easier it gets. And the more you’ll understand how unhappiness and failure are self-inflicted, while happiness and success are self-bestowed.