dick sutphen - fix everything in your life at once - 15 - create happiness.pdf

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Create Happiness For most of us, happiness is what life is all about. Our dreams and goals revolve around happiness. And it seems that we know what is best for us, because when we are happier, we are also healthier. Research clearly shows that happier people have fewer physical ills, they age slower and live longer. There is no one happiness formula that is right for everyone, but the behavioral experts continue to prove that there are several factors that contribute most to meaningful happiness. Happiness is a state of well being, filled with positive feelings toward yourself and the world. Of course, truth is what works for you, and if you believe something to be, it becomes so for you. So your own ideas about happiness are important to the attainment of happiness. If you stop to think about it, just about every decision you make is based upon what you think will bring you more happiness. All of the important aspects of your life, your love and relationships, your job, your level of success, your friendships, your sexuality, and spirituality are a means to bring you happiness. Among the encouraging news found in psychological research studies comes knowledge that people are infinitely changeable. Once they have established clarity of intent, they can alter their personalities, rise above neurotic patterns, and find happiness at almost any age. The experts claim that throughout your entire life relationships are continually reshaping you. And an imbalance at one point can be corrected later on. Most of the suggestions have already been shared in other chapters, but I’m going to repeat them again, together, because this combination of factors is most likely to generate happiness.

1. Love yourself Love yourself. This is critically important. Self-esteem is a cornerstone of happiness and mental health. Contentment is a benefit of loving yourself and is the core of motivation. Your self-esteem is primarily based upon what you do in life. When you do things that make you feel good about yourself, you increase your self-esteem. When you do things that make you feel bad about yourself, you lose self-esteem. (Read the “Enhance Self-Esteem” chapter.) Self-esteem is also the result of how you look. So if there is something you don’t like about the way you look, get to work on a program to change for the better. This is sometimes the fastest way to begin increasing your feelings of self-worth.

2. Strive for a loving life Research shows that people who are in love are actually happier. Statistically, a happy marriage is the most important contributor to well being, according the University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center. And even if marriage is not a consideration, almost any kind of loving relationship will increase happiness. This can be with children, family, friends, or a small group with a purpose. Even pets can be of

value here. It seems that when you care about someone else, you feel better about yourself.

3. Get a job you like Surveys show that people consider their work to be crucial to their happiness. And those who are happy in their work, are happier overall. It seems that our work defines and affirms a feeling of self in powerful ways. There is also a theory that we channel our anger and aggression into wrestling with our work projects. Completion results in a feeling of triumph over an adversary. Mothers and homemakers have unique full-time jobs of their own, but even those who cannot take on regular employment can volunteer activities or tackle a hobby or a garden.

4. Decide what you want The primary reason people are not as happy and fulfilled as they want to be, is because they do not know exactly what they want to do with the rest of their life. Sometimes, even when they think they know, they are fooling themselves and they are wanting it for the wrong reasons. If you don’t know what you want, now is the time to figure it out.

5. Change beliefs that work against you I’ve already discussed beliefs in the “Reverse Aging” chapter (#8), and the “Become A Success” chapter (#14). But I’ll approach it here for a different perspective. In a seminar, I once had an overweight woman stand up, put her hands on her hips and say, “Richard, I’m over-weight because I over-eat, not because of my beliefs.” “Your beliefs are causing your to over-eat. If you want to lose weight you’ll have to change those beliefs,” I said in response. As I explained to her, I’ve created hundreds of self-change tapes and CDs: hypnosis, subliminals, sleep programming, self-talk, goalimprinting. And what do these audio programs do? Everyone of them is structured to change the listener’s beliefs by programming new beliefs into their subconscious mind.” So what are your basic beliefs about happiness? You may think you need something you don’t really need to be happy. In other words, if you think you can’t be happy without a relationship, then you won’t be. Although that probably is not a fact. If you believe that sex can only be so good, that is all the better it will be for you. If you believe you can only achieve limited success, that is all you will achieve. Your disharmonious beliefs are like walls, surrounding you and restricting your life. But if you want to tear down the walls, you must first recognize that you are not free. You cannot change what you don’t recognize.

6. Live as fully as possible in the present Live in the present, one day at a time. All too many people tend to live in the past or in the future. In so doing, they are incapable of experiencing the moment. So in effect, they are missing out on life. For the rest of this day, why not “tune-in” to everything in your life—perceive the people and surroundings as if you were a writer with an assignment to capture the details of your day with words and images? Read more in the “Increase self-esteem” chapter (#3).

7. Develop meaningful activities Some researchers rate “meaningful activities” as the most important ingredient for a happy life. Your happiness may directly relate to the amount of time you spend doing things you find satisfying and enjoyable. These are activities that allow you to express what you consider yourself to be. For one person, this might be their work. For another, a special interest. And a young mother might find looking after her child to be her most meaningful activity.

8. Open to the power of human touch Research is confirming what mental-health professionals have been saying for years. Your sense of touch is very important to your well being. Through touching others, we fulfill much of our human needs, which results in attaining happiness. Through touch we can affirm friendships, project approval, and communicate important messages. Touch promotes health and helps us to establish love. But all too often, people equate touch with sex or violence. So they avoid such simple acts as a pat on the back, a sincere handshake, or a hug. Touch others to show that you care and to express your affection.

9. Accept that what is, is We have relationship problems, we lose loved ones through separation or death, we experience loneliness, sickness and accidents. We are haunted by guilt, have monetary hardships, experience phobias and fears, and have unfulfilled desires. And we experience this distress because we desire things to be different than they are. In short, it is your resistance to what is that causes your suffering. Income taxes exist, that’s what is. Gravity exists, that’s what is. Your mate is quiet and stubborn, that’s what is. You can spend your life attempting to change what is, but there is not much you are going to do about it. Instead, concentrate your efforts on the things you can change. But you should hear the resistance to this concept, I hear in my seminars. People want things changed. In fact, they want everything they dislike changed. And some think I am advocating a total passive acceptance of life as it is. This is certainly not the case. I advocate that your learn to recognize the difference between the things you can change and the things you can not change. Then stop wasting your energy on resisting what you can not change. When you accept what is in your life, you simply accept facts. You accept logic. In reality, you have no choice in accepting what is. It is what is. But you certainly have a choice in how you respond to what is. You can handle it, or make it worse by generating negative subconscious programming.

10. Accept that you can not change other human beings No one can change someone else, nor should they expect another person to become anyone other than who they are. This is faulty thinking, for any forced change will not last, or it will result in new eruptions of unsatisfactory behavior. We are all free human beings and must be respected for what we are, not for what someone else wants us to be. It is a basic human right to be who you are without changing your ideas or behavior to

satisfy someone else. If your behavior makes someone else uncomfortable, they have the right to leave. The same goes for you. Often in a close relationship, one person will compromise in hopes of achieving harmony. They change, and thus the other person is now reacting to a different, changed person. And often they also change, not because they are being asked to, but because they want to. In a situation like this, the change is natural and will probably last.

11. Develop detached mind The vast majority of people on this planet live out their lives knowing only attached mind. This means your state of mind is always changing from positive to negative as outside conditions change. This is extreme fluctuation from happiness and joy, down through neutral to the basement of emotions: depression, hostility, anger. Examples of attached mind: 1) You are enjoying a relaxing afternoon with your mate until he says something to irritate you. Your response is anger and you dwell upon the remark for the rest of the day. 2) You climbed into the shower wearing your brand new electronic watch. The water ruins it, and you become depressed. 3) You give a presentation at your club and it is well received. But afterward, someone who’s opinion you respect, criticizes your presentation and you respond with hostility. The goal is to develop detached mind. This means your state of mind fluctuates only from positive to neutral as outside conditions change. You accept all the warmth, joy and happiness that life has to offer while detaching from negativity by allowing it to flow through you without affecting you. Examples of detached mind: 1) You are having a relaxing afternoon with your mate until she says something negative. Your response is neutral. You realize that it isn’t what someone says to you that affects you, it is only what you think about what they say that affects you. It is what you add to it. You're are also aware that her response is only an expression of her past programming so to take it personally is foolish. 2) You climb into the shower with your watch on and the water ruins it. In understanding that you can do nothing about it, you accept what is. You refuse to get upset to get upset and make matters worse by programming your subconscious mind with negativity. 3) You give a presentation at your club and it is well received by all but one person. When he criticizes your presentation, you realize your critic is speaking from his viewpoint, which has nothing to do with the facts. You know your talk was well received and you have detached from the need to be right. To develop conscious detachment, means to detach only from the negativity in your life. This does not mean having no feelings. It is not a matter of ignoring faults or mistakes. You simply stop judging and labeling what happens to you. I’m talking about being totally involved in your life and enjoying everything there is to enjoy, while detaching from the negativity. By eliminating the negativity, you have more time and room for love and warm interaction. When you cease to be concerned with negativity, you’ll be more likely to enter into whatever you do without holding anything back, free to be entirely at one with circumstances.

12. Choose a positive viewpoint You always have the free will to choose how you are going to view an incident or situation. Put a positive spin on the negative—even if only to say, “Well, I certainly learned a lesson I won’t soon forget.” As I’ve said in other chapters, if there were no problems to challenge you, there would be no growth. There would be no way for you to learn how to handle things and become aware of your capability for making your life work. The real secret to growth and happiness through problems, is to look upon problems as opportunities. The bigger the problem, the bigger the opportunity. In regard to many problems, nothing about the situation will change but your viewpoint. And yet by changing your reaction to the situation, you eliminate the problem, because if you are not being affected by a problem, you don’t have a problem.

13. Embrace laughter Laughter is valuable in healing and it helps to generate happiness by helping you to maintain a balanced perspective. Laughter also has many positive physical side effects such as lowering blood pressure and improving digestion.

14. Exercise your body to influence mind There is a direct and powerful connection between physical exercise and mental well being. Exercise increases self-esteem, relieves anxiety, improves attentiveness, dissipates stress, and elevates mood. Investigate a good age-related exercise program.

15. Take the time to enjoy leisure Leisure not only reduces stress, it enhances contentment. Relaxing and enjoying life is often the most productive thing you can do.

16. Give to others Research studies show that altruism increases happiness. Losing yourself in others can be great self-therapy.

17. The older you get, the happier you will be A University of Michigan study of thousands of Americans shows that the older people get, the happier they become. People from 45 up enjoy more self-confidence and are likelier to be more realistic in their expectations.

18. Learn to use your time successfully Research shows that unorganized people are not as happy as those who are punctual, organized and efficient. Take a time management course at your local college if you need help in this area.

19. Protect your health with proper diet and lifestyle Although good health doesn’t produce happiness, ill health and pain destroys the feeling of well being.

20. Develop a diverse life Develop a diverse life and many sources of satisfaction, including love, work, friendships, traveling, fitness, hobbies, spirituality and much more. Real involvement in life creates happiness.

21. Seek out close friends of both sexes Seek out and maintain close friends of both sexes. None of us are solitary creatures. We all need warm interaction with others to feel fulfilled. Platonic relationships with the opposite sex round you out as a human being and offer a sounding board for differing viewpoints. Same sex friends are one of life’s pleasures and will be there to support you in times of need.

22. Make sure your life includes challenge and aliveness Challenge is critical to your well being and will usually result from wise risking. Challenge generates aliveness. And if the challenge is built upon a positive premise, the aliveness manifests as real enjoyment in doing what you do. It is the excitement and exhilaration that make you feel glad to be alive, the joy, stimulation and pleasure that make life worth living.

23. Stop worrying about what other people think The expectations of others will dominate you if you let them. Expectations are the enemy of freedom. What you think is what is most important.

24. Stop blaming others Blame is nothing but an expression of self-pity. The happiest people take full responsibility for their lives. If you don’t like the reality you have created, you have the power to change it and to change yourself.

25. Act to create change You have to act if you want to create change in your life. Use self change tapes/CDs to support your goals. Once you are clear on your intent, this mind programming will assist you to accelerate self-change.

26. Use self-hypnosis Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of creating happiness. The final chapter tells you how.

Create Happiness Summary 1. Love yourself. 2. Strive for a loving life. 3. Get a job you like. 4. Decide what you want. 5. Change beliefs that work against you. 6. Live as fully as possible in the present. 7. Develop meaningful activities. 8. Open to the power of human touch. 9. Accept that what is, is. 10. Accept that you can not change other human beings. 11. Develop detached mind. 12. Choose a positive viewpoint. 13. Embrace laughter. 14. Exercise your body to influence mind. 15. Take the time to enjoy leisure. 16. Give to others. 17. The older you get, the happier you will be. 18. Learn to use your time successfully. 19. Protect your health with proper diet and lifestyle. 20. Develop a diverse life. 21. Seek out close friends of both sexes. 22. Make sure your life includes challenge and aliveness. 23. Stop worrying about what other people think. 24. Stop blaming others. 25. Act to create change.

• Affirmations • The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “Every day in every way I love myself more and more.” “I make the time to do things that are satisfying and enjoyable.” “I am self-confident and self-reliant.” “I give love and I am open and receptive to receiving love.” “I catch negative thoughts and turn them positive.”

“Without resistance, I now accept the things I cannot change.” “I choose to live one day at a time.” “I seek out friends of both sexes.” “I accept others as they are without expecting them to change.” “Negativity flows through me without affecting me.” “I now view problems only as opportunities.” “I maintain a daily exercise program.” “I act to create a diverse and thrilling life.” “I know I can change myself in any way I desire.”