Delhi Belly

Delhi Belly Akshat Verma

Copyright 2005

Ferocious Attack Cow Productions 1313 9th Street, Ste. 11 Santa Monica, CA 90401 T: 310.451.7330 F: 310.458.4070

FADE IN: on a TITLE CARD, WHITE ON BLACK: True story. 1

EXT. RUNWAY,INDIRA GANDHI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT,DELHI -DAY 1 An AEROFLOT JET touches down with the SCREECH of landing gear slamming onto concrete. Rubber vaporizes into little puffs of smoke.

2

INT. LOBBY, AIPORT - A LITTLE LATER

2

FIRST OFFICER VLADIMIR PILDYSH, 39, strides out, dragging a small OVERNIGHT BAG, a PLASTIC DUTY FREE BAG in his other hand. He scans the crowd. 3

EXT. LUSH MOUNTAIN - DAY

3

20 WOMEN gyrate suggestively to a Hindi song. A TALL MAN IN CROTCH SNUFFINGLY TIGHT JEANS joins them, looks deeply at ONE OF THE GIRLS. The camera pulls back - it’s only a BOLLYWOOD FILM SONG on a TV at the airport. Further back 4

INT. FOOD STAND, AIRPORT - DAY - COFFEE pours into a PLASTIC CUP. SONIYA MEHRA, 26, still in her FLIGHT ATTENDANT UNIFORM, picks up the cup, looks around - she’s beautiful, holds her head like she knows it. She pushes her BAG to an empty chair, sits down. AT THE TABLE Another bag stops across from her. VLADIMIR PILDYSH (O.S.) Excuse me. Is this seatSONIYA Hi! Vladimir, isn’t it? When did you get here? Sit down! Flustered, he does. VLADIMIR PILDYSH (whispers) You’re not supposed to know me.

4

2.

SONIYA (whispers back) You were serious about that? Yes. Oh.

VLADIMIR PILDYSH SONIYA

She sips her coffee. The silence weighs on her. SONIYA (cont’d) How was your flight? VLADIMIR PILDYSH Don’t talk to me He walks off, returns with a cup of coffee. VLADIMIR PILDYSH (cont’d) Just do as you were told. He walks off, trailing his luggage. UNDER THE TABLE the DUTY FREE BAG sits by Soniya’s bag. SONIYA Fucking mental. Some people. 5

INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME - DAY The stillness of 8 AM. The soft morning light outlines TWO MOUNDS - ARUP and NITIN - in different corners of the room. The DOORBELL, not a delicate, melodic chime, shatters the calm. Nobody moves. It rings again. TASHI (O.S.) Motherfucker! Open the door! NITIN I got it last time. TASHI (O.S.) Arup! Open the fucking door! ARUP He’s a liar! I got it last time. Yesterday, who opened the door for the dhobi? It’s his turn. The bell rings again. Tashi stomps out of the bedroom, kicks the mound nearest to him.

5

3.

Assholes!

TASHI

ARUP Bastard, one more time and you’ll have to cancel your marriage. Midstride to the door, Tashi turns, kicks him again. ARUP (cont’d) Alright fucker, you’re dead. But he doesn’t stir. Tashi gets the door. AT THE DOOR It’s Soniya. TASHI When did you get back? Just now.

SONIYA

She throws her arms around him, they kiss. Soniya pulls back. SONIYA (cont’d) You’re scratching me - go and shave. Tashi pulls her back, kisses her again. TASHI Can’t. There’s no water. LIVING ROOM Soniya drags her bag to the side. SONIYA What do you mean, there’s no water? You get two hours of water every morning. TASHI Yeah, we forgot to put buckets out. SONIYA What do you mean, forgot to put buckets out? Tashi, unlit cigarette in mouth, looks around for a match. ARUP (points to Nitin) Him. It was his turn.

4.

Soniya plucks the cigarette out of Tashi’s mouth, shreds it. SONIYA Yeah, but you could hear the water running, right? You could’ve got up and put a bucket out? It would’ve taken you thirty seconds. ARUP Yeah. But it was his turn. SONIYA I can’t believe you guys live like this. TASHI It’s okay. We’ll put them out tomorrow. Why’re you getting so worked up? SONIYA Because you’re meeting my parents for lunch. I want you to shave, look presentable. TASHI I’m meeting your parents? Soniya rummages about in her bag, takes a packet out. Wear this.

SONIYA

TASHI I told you not to buy me such expensive clothes She shushes him. SONIYA Just-wear-it. People judge you by the way you look. TASHI Yeah, I don’t hang out with any of those people. SONIYA I’m not joking. You have no idea how pissed I am. I’m going home. Don’t be late. She slams the door behind her. Tashi turns back to the room.

5.

Man -

NITIN

The doorbell rings - it’s Soniya, Duty Free Bag in hand. SONIYA Can you drop this for me? Today afternoon? It’s urgent. Tashi takes a BROWN PACKAGE out of the bag. TASHI I have an assignment this afternoon. You can’t go? She hands him a slip of paper. SONIYA Here’s the address. Can’t you go to the neighbours’? For what? To shave?

TASHI SONIYA

TASHI No, I can’t go to the neighbours’ and shave. Will you relax? She clomps off. Nitin walks up behind Tashi. He’s 29, short, rotund, dishevelled, opposite of the skinny, bespectacled Arup. NITIN That girl really loves you. You lucky bastard. 6

INT. LOBBY, THE TAJ - DAY Tashi, unshaven, Soniya’s package in hand, and Nitin, CAMERA BAG on shoulder, scan the crowded lobby. Tashi’s T-shirt says ‘I DO MY OWN STUNTS.’ NITIN So where is she? TASHI I’m looking. NITIN Why? You don’t know what she looks like.

6

6.

Shut up.

TASHI

MENAKA’S POV MENAKA VASHISHT, an attractive 28, spots the tentative two from across the room. She grabs her bag, dials a number on her cell phone and strides across to them. BACK TO SCENE NITIN You have her mobile number? No.

TASHI

NITIN You’re the cow on the information superhighway. Tashi’s phone rings, as Menaka walks up behind them. MENAKA You’re ringing, so you must be Tashi. The two turn. Menaka snaps her phone shut - Tashi’s phone stops ringing - and extends a hand. MENAKA (cont’d) Hi, I’m Menaka. She looks into Tashi’s eyes, holds his hand a second too long. He looks away. TASHI Hey. Tashi. A few more hours and we would’ve found you. This is my photographer, Nitin. Menaka’s a special correspondent. Started with us today. NITIN Hi, Special Correspondent. Welcome. 7

INT. PRESS AREA, LOBBY, THE TAJ - DAY VJ Sushma, 23, pretty, and like most celebrities and quasicelebrities, not very tall in real life, is in a stuffed chair with her feet up. VJ SUSHMA Coz I wanna do everything I can. No limits.

7

7.

TASHI And how would you define everything? VJ SUSHMA You know. Everything. Singing. Acting. I think, directing. Definitely directing. I paint. I’m working on my first collection of poems. And I want to have my own clothes line one day. TASHI Clothing line. What?

VJ SUSHMA

TASHI Nothing. Never mind. Nitin walks around the group, snapping away. MENAKA That does sound like everything. Silence. They don’t know what else to ask her. TASHI What do you enjoy most, out of all this that you do? VJ SUSHMA Oh, you know. Everything. MENAKA Of course. Everything. (to Tashi) That’s why she does it all. A PR DRUDGE pokes his head in. PR DRUDGE Five minutes. He exits. TASHI Can you sing us one of your songs? VJ SUSHMA Oh, I don’t know. MENAKA C’mon. We’ve only got a couple minutes.

8.

VJ SUSHMA Okay, just a little bit. I’m still working on this, so you guys be kind. It’s called I hate you like I love you. Like I love you in brackets. So it’s like I hate you, brackets, like I love you. TASHI I hate you like I love you, in brackets. Brilliant. VJ Sushma clears her throat, takes a breath and sallies forth. Her singing voice is flat and tremulous. VJ SUSHMA (singing) I hate you, like I love you, but I love you like I hate you. And then the drums come in. She makes drum sounds with her mouth. That’s it.

VJ SUSHMA (cont’d)

They look at her, quiet. Then Menaka begins to clap Tashi, Nitin join in. TASHI Are those your lyrics? She nods yes, suddenly bashful. The PR DRUDGE is back, tapping his WATCH. MENAKA Looks like we have to go. Let us know when the album comes out. TASHI We shouldn’t have asked you to sing. Now I can’t get that song out of my head. VJ SUSHMA Everything I do, I do for my fans. You want me to autograph something for you? Coz I don’t mind. TASHI Would you, really? He fishes out VJ Sushma’s photo from the press kit - she signs it with a flourish.

9.

VJ SUSHMA You know how some celebrities get all high and mighty? I don’t get that. Nitin’s photos, flattering to begin with, have progressed to caricature - blinking eyes, awkward poses. He takes one last one - it seems VJ Sushma is about to pick her nose. 8

INT. ELSEWHERE IN THE LOBBY, THE TAJ - DAY The three walk away from the press area. MENAKA Everything she does, she does for her fans. People like you. TASHI There’s a good reason to judge people before you get to know them. MENAKA Oh, come on. Don’t tell me that wasn’t the most fun you’ve had all week. All month, even. TASHI Waste of my time. He drops the autographed photo into a TRASH CAN. MENAKA Hey, that’s priceless. She fishes it out of the trash. MENAKA (cont’d) From this moment on, any time you’re depressed, just look at this and say, I hate you like I love you, in brackets. Nitin makes drum sounds with his mouth. MENAKA (cont’d) It’s a magic photo. TASHI You can have it. Talentless and brainless. NITIN Hey man. Being sexy is a full time job.

8

10.

TASHI There’s real news to be covered. And this is what I get. NITIN She was news to me, man. I’d be happy to cover her anytime. TASHI With what? Your paunch? NITIN For starters. TASHI (to Menaka) Have you met my friend Nitin, the serial rapist? MENAKA I have now. TASHI (to Nitin) Did you get something? Nitin holds up TWO ROLLS OF FILM. NITIN Some for you, some for me. TASHI I’ll be back after lunch. (to Menaka) Nice meeting you. He walks off, returns a moment later. TASHI (cont’d) What did I do with that package? 9

INT. PRESS AREA, LOBBY, THE TAJ - DAY

9

Tashi spots the PR DRUDGE about to consign his package to the TRASH CAN. TASHI Hey! That’s mine! Tashi snatches it out of his hand. 10

INT. DINING ROOM, SONIYA’S PARENTS’ HOME - DAY

10

There’s evidence of prosperity everywhere, but not of good taste. The room is full of GLOBAL KNICKKNACKS and PHOTOS OF THE MEHRA FAMILY at tourist hot spots around the world.

11.

Every available nook is crammed with CLOCKS and WATCHES of different shapes and sizes. Soniya’s parents - ZUBIN MEHRA, 51, and MONICA MEHRA, 48, are both having a bad hair day, strands standing up on their heads like antennae. Sitting at the table with them are Tashi’s immaculately groomed parents, DORJEE and TSERING LHATOO. TASHI Amma? Papa? What are you doing here? Tashi’s mother beams. Surprise!

TSERING LHATOO

DINING TABLE Soniya has a banana on her plate - she peels it, expertly, with a knife-and-fork, digs in with gusto. Tashi isn’t eating. TASHI November 29? That’s just a month away. MONICA MEHRA Yes. Our astrologer said it’s a very auspicious date. Don’t worry, we mothers will do all the running around. Isn’t that right, Mrs. Lhatoo? TSERING LHATOO That’s what mothers do. The plethora of clocks and watches strike the hour. For a few moments, it’s a cacophony of chimes, alarms and bells. Mrs. Mehra is completely unmoved. MONICA MEHRA Oh, it’s two. SONIYA Where’s that driver, mummy? Wasn’t he supposed to be here at two? I have to be at the tailor’s in half-an-hour Tashi’s cell-phone has been ringing - he only hears it now.

12.

SONIYA (cont’d) Tashi, did you drop my package off? Tashi motions her to wait. TASHI (on phone) Yeah? Menaka, hold on. He grabs a pen and a napkin off the table. TASHI (cont’d) Where? Should I ask Nitin to show up? Alright. He hangs up. SONIYA So, did you? TASHI I’m going to. I’m heading out right now. SONIYA Where’s the shirt I got you? TASHI You know, I completely forgot. Uncle, aunty - I have to leave, something’s come up at work ZUBIN MEHRA No more uncle-aunty. You’re part of the family now. From now on, mummy-daddy. Isn’t that right, Mr. Lhatoo? DORJEE LHATOO That’s how it is. ZUBIN MEHRA Tashi, come with me, bete. TASHI I really should get going. Daddy ZUBIN MEHRA This’ll just take a minute. Come on. 11

EXT. DRIVEWAY - DAY Mr. Mehra, Mr. and Mrs. Lhatoo and Tashi stand by a RED HYUNDAI SANTRO, a small, boxy hatchback. It’s a stunningly ugly car.

11

13.

TASHI Nice. Great color, too. ZUBIN MEHRA You like it? Good. Mr. Mehra takes a key out of his pocket. ZUBIN MEHRA (cont’d) Here. It’s for you. Tashi is speechless. TASHI Oh, I can’t. I really can’t. Daddy. ZUBIN MEHRA Forget it. We’re not even discussing it. Mrs. Mehra appears. MONICA MEHRA Did he like it? Ask him.

ZUBIN MEHRA

TASHI It’s beautiful. You shouldn’t have, Aunty. Mummy. MONICA MEHRA We’re all family now. TSERING LHATOO We’re all family. ZUBIN MEHRA Think about what I told you. Any job that takes you away from your family in the middle of lunch, you should say, no more. My Ludhiana factory is the most modern hosiery factory in Asia. You’ll be the boss. Run it any way you want. TASHI I’ll think about it. DORJEE LHATOO Tashi, think about it. ZUBIN MEHRA Underwear is like food. Guaranteed demand. (MORE)

14. ZUBIN MEHRA (cont'd) Only perverts don’t wear underwear. And those tribals, walking around naked. They don’t have money to pay for it anyway. Do you know we’re making underwear for Calvin Klein now? Wait a second - I almost forgot.

He rushes in. Tashi looks imploringly to his father. Papa?

TASHI

DORJEE LHATOO It’s alright, beta. You earned it. TASHI I earned it? How? DORJEE LHATOO You really should’ve shaved. Mrs. Lhatoo sniffles. TSERING LHATOO I can’t believe it. My son is going to be a father. TASHI Amma? What are you talking about? TSERING LHATOO Oh, you know it’s going to happen. I’m so happy. Mr. Mehra huffs out with a stack of plastic-wrapped undies. ZUBIN MEHRA Here - I saved some for you. TASHI Calvin Kleen? ZUBIN MEHRA Klein. Calvin Klein. TASHI This is Calvin Kleen. K-L-E-E-N. ZUBIN MEHRA I’m going to kill those bastards. See what I mean? I need someone I can trust.

15.

TASHI Maybe you can sell them to the tribals for cheap. Klein, Kleen, it’s all the same to them. Zubin Mehra turns to Tashi’s parents, triumphant. ZUBIN MEHRA See? This is the boy I need. TASHI No, no. I was just joking. 12

INT. CUBICLE, O&M ADVERTISING, DELHI - DAY Fingers stained black by ink - under nails, into skin. The hands of an artist, busy drawing. Arup’s phone rings. Yeah?

ARUP

TASHI (V.O.) (filter) Arup? Arup?

VOICE (O.S.)

ARUP (to Tashi) What, fucker? Excuse me?

VOICE (O.S.)

Arup turns. It’s SWAPAN DASGUPTA, Arup’s Bengali Art Director, with a drawing of a BANANA IN TAILS AND TOP HAT in his hand. ARUP No, no - I’m on the phone. TASHI (V.O.) (filter) Can you do me a favour, man? Can you drop something off for me? ARUP (to Tashi) Hold on, bastard. SWAPAN DASGUPTA (re: drawing) This is nice. Very nice.

12

16.

Thanks.

ARUP

SWAPAN DASGUPTA Yeah. Can you just make him a little happier? ARUP Happier? Who, the banana? SWAPAN DASGUPTA Like he’s having fun. All his life he wanted to be in a bananasplit - it’s like a dream come true. ARUP Dream come true? For the banana? SWAPAN DASGUPTA Something like this. Happy. He strikes a pose, wide grin across his face. ARUP Hold it, hold it. Arup grabs his POLAROID CAMERA and takes a photograph. ARUP (cont’d) Why would a banana want to be in a banana-split? That’s like harakiri in the fruit kingdom. SWAPAN DASGUPTA Because Milkfood 100% ice-cream makes everything special. Arup looks at him. ARUP Right, right. Okay, first thing tomorrow. SWAPAN DASGUPTA No, right now. Client is waiting. Right now?

ARUP

SWAPAN DASGUPTA Yes, yes, who can say no to the client? Drop everything else - do this first. He waddles off.

17.

ARUP (to Tashi) You heard that? No, I can’t - I’m stuck in fucking banana hell. Arup looks at the fully formed Polaroid before him - Swapan impersonating happy fruit. 13

EXT. THE RIDGE, DELHI - DAY A BEARDED BODY is sprawled on the ground, obscured by bushes. Nitin kneels beside it, as he carefully tucks a PETUNIA behind the body’s ear. A FEW YARDS OFF Tashi shuts his NOTEBOOK and detaches himself from the small CLUSTER OF REPORTERS around the POLICE INSPECTOR. Menaka follows him. Delicate.

TASHI

NITIN You can work wonders with the right model. MENAKA I’m guessing this is some for you NITIN - and some for me. He focusses his camera on the body. NITIN (cont’d) Bacche, watch the birdie. He shoots a couple, bags his camera, walks to his Vespa. NITIN (cont’d) So what’s the story? TASHI They don’t know. Maybe a hit-andrun. But they’re sure he’s dead. NITIN That’s good to know. If that fucker got up right now, bastard, I’d piss myself.

13

18.

MENAKA So that pretty young thing was a waste of your time and this is worthwhile? I don’t know what that says about you. NITIN That he’s a serious journalist. MENAKA Yeah. Or a necrophiliac. NITIN A gay necrophiliac. TASHI Fucking idiots. Nitin tosses TWO ROLLS OF FILM to Tashi. NITIN Yours. Mine. The photo guys will take care of it. TASHI You aren’t coming back? NITIN No. Work to do. TASHI Can you drop this off for me? Tashi holds the package out to Nitin. No.

NITIN

TASHI Thanks, man. Here’s the address. See ya. He sticks the package in Nitin’s SCOOTER BASKET, hands him a SLIP OF PAPER. Nitin stares at him. Go.

TASHI (cont’d)

Nitin goes. MENAKA What’re you doing this evening? TASHI Oh, you know. Work. She holds up a reprimanding finger.

19.

MENAKA All work. No play. Tashi dull boy. 14

EXT. GB ROAD, DARYAGANJ - DAY

14

A FOOD VENDOR drops a BREADED PIECE OF CHICKEN into a SIZZLING WOK OF OIL - then he scratches his balls with the same hand. We follow Nitin past the food cart, up the stairs into an old, decrepit building. This is Delhi’s red light district and the bright sunlight does nothing to dispel the seediness. 15

INT. DECREPIT BUILDING, DARYAGANJ - DAY

15

Nitin kneels outside a window and sets up his camera. He finishes up the CHICKEN FRITTER he picked up downstairs, wipes his hand on his jeans. 16

INT. DINGY ROOM - CAMERA’S POV

16

The room is barely wider that the bed that fills it. Flimsy drapes serve as doors and the window is a one-way, with the pane inside out. LEENA, a plump - no, fat - prostitute enters, followed by MANISH CHAND JAIN, a short, slight man in his late thirties, dressed formally in a three-piece and tie, briefcase in hand. 17

EXT. WINDOW - DAY

17

Nitin takes his eye away from the camera, looks again. He can’t believe it. 18

INT. DINGY ROOM - DAY

18

Manish Chand gets out of his clothes, lovingly folds them as he does, careful not to damage the crease. Leena, starkers and in bed, reads a magazine. Still in his shirt, tie and socks, Manish kisses Leena’s knee-caps. 19

EXT. WINDOW - DAY Nitin shoots through his roll.

19

20.

20

INT. CORRIDOR, DECREPIT BUILDING - A LITTLE LATER

20

Nitin hands Leena some money. LEENA Two hundred? Rates have gone up. Nitin squeezes her left boob. NITIN No, they haven’t, darling. 21

EXT. SOMEWHERE ON RING ROAD - DAY

21

Nitin weaves in and out of traffic on his scooter, the fastest in the crawl - then his engine dies. He pulls over, takes his helmet off, tries to kick-start it. Nothing doing - he begins to push it. He hasn’t gone far when he feels the rumble in his stomach. Lunch is protesting. In a panic, he tries the scooter again - the engine catches - he jumps on, pulls the scooter onto the sidewalk and drives like a maniac. 22

INT. ROOM - DAY

22

The room is blatantly bare. Three men are on the floor in a corner, two of them tuning a TABLA and a HARMONIUM. The third, KEVAL MAHARAJ, 55, beats out a rhythm on his knee, lost in a world of his own. By the opposite wall, two young sisters - AMBIKA, 21, and DEVIKA, 23, tie their dancing anklets on. The CAMERA pulls out of the room, out the window, drops past the apartment below, down to the street 23

EXT. STREET - DAY

23

- as Nitin pulls in on his sputtering scooter. The beast dies, again, and Nitin just drops it. He remembers, runs back, holding his stomach. He grabs Tashi’s package from the basket - hop-skips home as fast as he can manage and we follow him through the front gate, up the stairs -

21.

24

INT. HOME - DAY

24

- into the house, to the bathroom door, and there we leave him, in a vast explosion of relief. 25

INT. BATHROOM - DAY

25

Done for now, an exhausted Nitin squats, head in his hands. He moves a RED PLASTIC MUG under the faucet, turns it on. A few pathetic drops - there’s no water. The two buckets are equally bereft. Desperate, Nitin gathers up his pants and steps out to 26

INT. KITCHEN

26

- where the buckets are just as empty. He looks in the fridge - it’s packed with bottles of Coke, but no water. Something clicks in his head. He grabs a bottle of Coke. 27

EXT. FRONT DOOR, HOME - NIGHT

27

Arup manages to open the door without dropping his OVERSIZE PORTFOLIO. The dancing upstairs is in full swing 28

INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME - NIGHT - and you can really hear it inside. Arup sets his stuff down NITIN You’re back early. Arup jumps, startled. He turns the lights on. ARUP What’re you doing, lying in the dark? Nitin sits up. NITIN I’m sick, man. I feel poisoned. ARUP Did you see a doctor?

28

22.

NITIN Yeah. So this is what you need to do. Take my scooter. Why?

ARUP

NITIN I left it out there somewhere. Take it - if it’s still there. Catch! Nitin tosses a bunch of keys to Arup. Arup watches them sail across the room, until they smack him in the forehead. Ow!

ARUP

Arup has the reflexes of a slug. ARUP (cont’d) Why am I taking your scooter? NITIN I had to drop this package off for Tashi. ARUP That fucking thing is still floating around? NITIN If I wasn’t sick, I’d do it. ARUP Yeah, I’m sure. NITIN And can you do me a favour? Since you’re going out? What?

ARUP

Nitin grabs a BROOM leaning in a corner, BANGS the ceiling furiously. NITIN You bastards! 29

INT. MAHARAJ’S FLAT - NIGHT Upstairs, the two girls stop mid-move, thrown by the BANGING beneath their feet.

29

23.

The instruments peter out. KEVAL MAHARAJ Don’t worry, girls. The world is full of uncivilized people. Take it again from the last step. 30

INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME - NIGHT

30

The silence lasts a moment, if that. Arup walks to the kitchen. Nitin follows him. 31

INT. KITCHEN

31

Arup grabs a BOTTLE OF COKE out of the fridge. NITIN So, the doctor has to check for food poisoning. Good.

ARUP

NITIN Do you mind - I have to send him a stool sample? Fuck off. 32

ARUP

INT. LAB, DOCTOR’S OFFICE - NIGHT

32

Arup sets a BROWN PAPER BAG on the counter. NURSE Patient’s name? ARUP Nitin Berry. 33

INT. INDIAN HANDICRAFTS, HAUZ KHAS VILLAGE - DAY Another counter, another BROWN PAPER BAG. ARUP (to Clerk) Can you make sure Mr. Bhatia gets it?

33

24.

34

INT. OFFICE, INDIAN HANDICRAFTS - DAY CONTINUOUS

34

RAJESH BHATIA aka COWBOY, 35, a menacing whip of a man, settles down at his large, empty table. He pulls out a roll of DEEP BLUE VELVET and unrolls it across the table top. He picks up WISPS OF LINT and flicks them away, caresses the fabric as he does. With a flourish, he pulls out the contents of the brown bag - it’s a METAL CAN, topped by a PLASTIC COVER. He’s a little surprised. He gently takes the cover off and with a fluid wave of the wrist, delicately empties the can onto the velvet. A FEW OUNCES OF WATERY CRAP splatter across the table, drops of it travelling to Cowboy’s clothes, a fleck of it to the tip of his nose. Cowboy staggers back, aghast - then the smell hits him. He clamps his handkerchief over his nose. BRAJESH, one of his goons, slow at the best of times, is fascinated, his betel-stained mouth hanging open. BRAJESH (in Hindi) Sir, this is shit. COWBOY I know what it is, sisterfucker. 35

EXT. BUILDING ENTRANCE - NIGHT Tashi parks the Santro, gets out. Manish Chand Jain, owner and landlord of the building has just gotten home - he spots Tashi, holds the gate open. TASHI Good evening, Mr. Jain. MANISH CHAND JAIN Good evening. Nice car. New? Yes.

TASHI

MANISH CHAND JAIN Very nice. Beauty. Great colour. Thank you.

TASHI

The two head their ways, Tashi up, Jain to his front door.

35

25.

Mr. Tashi.

MANISH CHAND JAIN

Tashi turns. MANISH CHAND JAIN (cont’d) I wanted to remind you. Rent is due next week. TASHI Yes, I know, Mr. Jain. MANISH CHAND JAIN Good. Good. It’s just that it was late last month. And the month before that. Tashi looks at him. Snatches of music and dancing float down. TASHI And you said you’d talk to Mr. Maharaj about the dancing. It’s very difficult to come home to people dancing on your head. MANISH CHAND JAIN I talked to him. He said he’ll try and have his class early TASHI That was last week. Tashi heads up - Jain watches him go. 36

INT. HOME - NIGHT

36

Arup, changed and cleaned, puts on his shoes. Nitin is laid out on his mattress. Tashi walks in, as finally, the dancing stops. TASHI (to Nitin) What’s wrong with you? NITIN Bastard, I’m dying. TASHI Okay. And you? Tashi tosses a MANILA ENVELOPE to Nitin. ARUP I’m meeting Ritu for a movie.

26.

TASHI Just hold on a second. I have something to say. Two things. Nitin has taken out his photos from the envelope, and he’s arranging them on his bed. NITIN Man, that Ritu. I don’t know, that girl doesn’t give me a good feeling. ARUP Yeah, she’s my girlfriend. She’s only supposed to give me a good feeling. NITIN (to Tashi) You’re my witness. I warned him. TASHI Number one. Both of you - rent is due next week. I want to pay it on time this month. Sure.

ARUP

He swigs from his bottle of Coke. Nitin?

TASHI

NITIN Check this out. He’s assembled the PHOTOS OF THE DEAD MAN like a jigsaw together they make a single, huge photo. TASHI Did you hear me? I want to pay rent on time this month. NITIN Oh. I’m not paying rent anymore. TASHI You’re not paying rent anymore? NITIN I’m not paying rent anymore. TASHI You’re moving out? No.

NITIN

27.

TASHI You’re not going to pay rent, but you’re going to live here? How the fuck are you going to manage that? NITIN Check this out. He rummages in his bag, hands them a BUNCH OF PHOTOS. Tashi and Arup flip through them in silence. ARUP What the hell is this? NITIN It’s a naked man lying on top of a naked woman. It’s called fucking. ARUP It’s Manish. NITIN Yeah, the fucking wife-cheater. And that’s Leena. She’s a whore. ARUP Really? And here we’re thinking she’s sucking his dick because she’s outgoing. Imagine, a whore NITIN Bastard, if I wasn’t sick, I’d give you one TASHI How’d you get these? NITIN No, that’s the wrong question. The right question is, do we have to pay rent? And the answer is? He looks at Tashi and Arup expectantly. NITIN (cont’d) No. N-O, no. You can do it repeat after me. No more rent. No more ARUP What’re you talking about? NITIN A business transaction with our landlord. (MORE)

28. NITIN (cont'd) He gives us money and these photos don’t get to his wife.

ARUP You’re going to blackmail him? NITIN It’s not blackmail. It’s a sign from god. TASHI Wait a minute. You’re going to blackmail him? ARUP We’re living with a criminal. It’s Nitin Sobhraj. NITIN I’m the higher moral authority in Manish’s life ARUP You’re the higher moral authority? NITIN Yes, and I’m warning him to mend his ways. I’m not a benevolent god. ARUP Don’t tell me anymore. When the police get you, I don’t want to be dragged in as an accessory. NITIN Accessory? Listen to him with the big words. An earring is an accessory, you choot. I’ve been in this business for two years nobody’s getting caught. TASHI You’ve been in this business for two years? NITIN Listen. I do all the work. You guys get to save your rent money. Everybody wins. Silence. And two?

ARUP

29.

TASHI Number two. I’m getting married. NITIN Yeah, we know that. TASHI No, next month. ARUP Next month? I thought this wasn’t happening for a year. At least. TASHI Yeah, but then I thought, what difference does it make? Sooner the better. ARUP Right up to the moment they cut his head off, the goat thinks he’s going for a walk in the park. NITIN Bastard, you’re just too negative. This is wonderful news. Nitin jumps up from the bed, gives Tashi a hug. NITIN (cont’d) I was planning to marry her myself, but it’s okay, you can have her. Man, she’s so sexy. You’re a lucky bastard. Arup gives Tashi a hug. NITIN (cont’d) So you’re moving out? Why the fuck were you going on about the rent? 37

EXT. ANUPAM CINEPLEX - NIGHT

37

Arup stands a little way off from the crowds milling about for the late show. Ten minutes later and he’s the only one left outside. looks at his watch. 38

He

INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT All we see is Soniya’s sweaty face. She MOANS. As the CAMERA pulls out, we see why - Tashi’s head is under the sheets, dutifully administering cunnilingus.

38

30.

SONIYA Tashi. I really think you should shave. Soniya adds heaving to her moaning. Tashi’s phone rings. TASHI (muffled) Hello? Hold on a second. Tashi emerges, red faced and sweaty, cell phone to his ear. SONIYA Tashi? Get back in there! Tashi holds up his hand. MENAKA (V.O.) (filter) I’m here already. Let me give you the address. Tashi writes it down. TASHI Should I bring Nitin? MENAKA (V.O.) (filter) No. See you. She hangs up. Tashi turns to Soniya - she’s pissed. TASHI Sweetheart - I have to go. Look, it’s work, I swear I’ll make it up to you. He leans forward to kiss her - she pulls back. SONIYA Don’t kiss me after you’ve wait, there’s a - in your teeth She gives him her compact. Tashi looks in the mirror, pulls the PUBIC HAIR out of his teeth, wipes his mouth on his sleeve. TASHI Don’t wait up. I don’t know how long this is going to take. Goodnight, sweetheart. He shuts the door behind him. Soniya heaves a MAGAZINE at it.

31.

39

INT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT

39

The place is packed, the heavy THUMP OF MUSIC and the MULTICOLOURED FLASHING LIGHTS washing over everything. Menaka is in a corner, drink in hand. JYOTI DHINGRA Don’t look, don’t look. You see her? Right behind me. MENAKA What about her? JYOTI DHINGRA That’s Sunita Rao. She used to be in Section A. I heard she’s a lesbo. MENAKA Really? Where? JYOTI DHINGRA Oh, you know. Here and there. MENAKA Considering some of the men I’ve been with, that doesn’t sound half bad. Jyoti is shocked. MENAKA (cont’d) Oh, come on. Don’t tell you haven’t thought about being with a woman. No. Never.

JYOTI DHINGRA

Jyoti looks around the room, at a loss. JYOTI DHINGRA (cont’d) Did you meet Rajeev yet? I think he’s around. Menaka spots Tashi across the room. MENAKA No. Excuse me. She walks up to him, grabs him by the arm and leads him to a table littered with BOTTLES OF ALCOHOL. TASHI Hey. What’s going on?

32.

MENAKA Rum, coke okay? She hands him a drink before he can say anything. MENAKA (cont’d) C’mon, let’s get out of here. 40

IN A DIFFERENT CORNER OF THE ROOM

40

Jyoti Dhingra is talking to someone else, her back to Menaka. JYOTI DHINGRA No, don’t look, don’t look. See her? Menaka Vashisht. She’s a lesbo. 41

EXT. FARMHOUSE GROUNDS - NIGHT The silence is a relief. People are scattered across the lawn, some by the POOL, others sprawled on the grass. TASHI So, what’s the story? Story?

MENAKA

TASHI You know, you called me, asked me to come over MENAKA Yeah, I know - I’m not that drunk. Yet. I didn’t say anything about a story, I just gave you the address. TASHI Did I come here for nothing? MENAKA No. To have a drink. Have some fun. Tashi, stop working. TASHI I was in the middle of something MENAKA Couldn’t have been too important. What?

TASHI

41

33.

MENAKA Why’d you pick up the phone then? TASHI I’ll see you tomorrow. When you’re sober. Tashi turns - only to find his way blocked by RAJEEV KHANNA, 29, a big, beefy mountain. RAJEEV KHANNA Oh no - lover’s spat? MENAKA Rajeev, I’m not in the mood for your bullshit right now, okay? Why don’t you just leave? Make me.

RAJEEV KHANNA

TASHI Hey man - I don’t know who you are. Do you mind? Tashi tries to step around him Yes.

RAJEEV KHANNA

He pushes Tashi. TASHI What the fuck? RAJEEV KHANNA What did you say? What the fuck? Say it again. Rajeev shoves him again. TASHI Look, I don’t know what you want, I’m not looking for any trouble RAJEEV KHANNA No, bitch, trouble’s looking for you. He slugs Tashi in the face. Menaka screams, Tashi tumbles over his chair, to the ground, stunned. Rajeev yells.

34.

RAJEEV KHANNA (cont’d) You have a problem now, don’t you, fucker? You should’ve kept your mouth shut, mind your own fucking business People are looking. Menaka pushes Rajeev MENAKA Fuck off, you bastard! Leave me alone! He holds her back, hand around her throat. RAJEEV KHANNA (to Menaka) You think you can get out of this easy, you’re fucking mistaken, you A FLOWER POT smashes on his head in a spray of soil and leaves. Rajeev is spreadeagled across the grass, out like a light. Tashi weaves groggily over him, remnants of the plant in his hand. MENAKA Let’s go - he has friends. 42

INT. SANTRO - NIGHT

42

Tashi races through the sleeping city, his LEFT EYE beginning to swell up. He lights himself a cigarette. MENAKA You alright? I’m fine.

TASHI

MENAKA Let me see that. She pulls his hand away from his eye. MENAKA (cont’d) That doesn’t look too good. I’m fine.

TASHI

MENAKA I’m really sorry. I just wanted you to loosen up, have a good time.

35.

TASHI It’s okay. What do you mean, loosen up? MENAKA No, I didn’t mean it like that TASHI I am loose. With people who know me. With friends. People who don’t feel the need to drag me half-way across the city, in the middle of the fucking night, so I can loosen up. MENAKA Don’t be an asshole. I apologized. I was only trying to be nice. TASHI Where should I drop you off? A LATE MODEL OPEL ASTRA races up to them, HONKING wildly. It’s Rajeev, with a couple of his BUDDIES - he hangs out the front window, waving a GUN. Fuck.

MENAKA

RAJEEV KHANNA I’m gonna kill you, motherfucker! Tashi floors it - the Santro’s little engine whines. They race through the city, scaring the crap out of PEOPLE SLEEPING IN COTS BY THE ROADSIDE and giving ASSORTED MONGRELS something to howl about. The Astra doesn’t have trouble keeping up - two shots ring out, Tashi’s rear window disintegrates. TASHI Bloody hell! He whips the wheel to the right, they race down a narrow alley. The suddenness of the turn throws their pursuers off for a moment. The alley exits onto a main street. MENAKA Wait, I know where we are - go right! The Taj Intercontinental looms on the left.

36.

MENAKA (cont’d) Pull in there! The Astra pops out of the alley. 43

EXT. DRIVEWAY, THE TAJ - NIGHT

43

The two are out and running before the car stops. Tashi grabs the PARKING TICKET from the VALET. Park it! 44

TASHI

INT. LOBBY, THE TAJ - NIGHT

44

Menaka pulls Tashi to the ELEVATOR. Rajeev appears in the lobby, spots them as the elevator doors open - he runs, too late. 45

INT. ELEVATOR, THE TAJ - NIGHT

45

Menaka punches several floors. TASHI What are you doing? MENAKA Give him something to think about. 46

INT. LOBBY, THE TAJ

46

Rajeev looks at the display. The elevator stops on sixth. Come on.

RAJEEV KHANNA

Then on seventh. And eighth. Which one? 47

GREASY BUDDY

INT. CORRIDOR, SIXTH FLOOR, THE TAJ - NIGHT Menaka spots a CLEANING CART outside a room - she takes some CHANGE out. She grabs Tashi by the hand and walks into the room.

47

37.

48

INT. ROOM 609, THE TAJ - NIGHT The MAID is fixing fresh sheets across the bed. MENAKA That’s fine. Don’t worry about it. She holds the money out to the Maid. MENAKA (cont’d) Is the bathroom done? MAID Yes, madam. Thank you.

MENAKA

She leaves, shuts the door behind her. Tashi sits on the bed - his hands shake. TASHI My car. My new car. Who’s the asshole? Menaka lights two cigarettes, hands him one. MENAKA My husband. Ex-husband, as soon as the divorce papers show up. TASHI I can’t believe he took a shot at me. Where’d you find him? MENAKA Oh, you know. Arranged marriage, my parents forced me. Really?

TASHI

MENAKA No. He was my boyfriend in school, I actually ran away from home to marry him. Fought with my parents. TASHI You know how to pick them. MENAKA I’m sitting here with you. Menaka picks up the phone, dials room service.

48

38.

MENAKA (cont’d) I’m going to get some coffee. You want some? TASHI You can’t just MENAKA Look, anyone who can afford to stay in this hotel can afford to buy us coffee. TASHI What, you do this on a regular basis? MENAKA No, only days I get shot at by my ex-husband. Cappuccino okay? Hello? Yeah, I’m calling from Room 609 - can you send up two cappuccinos please? Hold on. (to Tashi) You want something to eat? (to room service) Just the coffee, thank you. TASHI This is wrong. MENAKA You need to fucking lighten up. What was that? A KEY scratches in the lock. MENAKA (cont’d) It can’t be them, they don’t have a key. Tashi looks marooned. 49

INT. DOOR, ROOM 609, THE TAJ - NIGHT FRANK and LOUISE EGGEN - an American couple in their mid 50s - are at the door. Frank struggles with the lock. Rajeev and his buddies walk past them. RAJEEV KHANNA Forget it - let’s go.

49

39.

50

INT. ROOM 609 - NIGHT

50

Menaka is atop Tashi, the sheets pulled over them. She moans loudly as she grinds on him - and this is what Frank and Louise walk in on. FRANK EGGEN Oh, excuse us. Menaka looks at them, her moans louder, her gyrations more pronounced. Tashi lies motionless under her, his left eye swollen shut, the cigarette still in his mouth. MENAKA Oh, baby, baby! Frank and Louise shuffle out. Menaka jumps off Tashi, and still moaning appropriately, rushes to the door, looks out the peephole. Frank and Louise are still outside, unsure. Menaka yells some more. They walk away. MENAKA (cont’d) (between moans, to Tashi) Come on! Tashi jumps off the bed, adjusts the raging erection in his pants, joins her by the door. Menaka slowly sticks her head out into the corridor. Nobody. 51

EXT. STREET, MENAKA’S HOUSE - NIGHT Menaka leans in from the sidewalk. MENAKA Thanks for the lift. Tashi nods. MENAKA (cont’d) And I’ll be happy to pay for the window. TASHI It’s okay. You didn’t shoot it. Good night. He pulls away - a hubcap falls off. Menaka picks it up.

51

40.

52

EXT. ANUPAM CINEPLEX - NIGHT

52

The crowd reappears around Arup. He’s been standing there alone for two hours. 53

INT. CORRIDOR, THE TAJ - NIGHT

53

Frank and Louise are stranded in the corridor. FRANK EGGEN I could’ve sworn that was our room. LOUISE EGGEN Frank - I hope this isn’t Alzheimer’s. FRANK EGGEN Louise! The key worked. A GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE shows up, pushing a trolley. GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE Mr. Eggen. Mrs. Eggen. I have your coffee. FRANK EGGEN We didn’t order any coffee. LOUISE EGGEN What room are we in? 54

INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME - DAY 6 am. Another day. Arup is sleeping slumped at his drawing table, a sketch unfinished under him, still in the same clothes from last evening. A sudden EXPLOSION of GAS AND DIARRHOEA wakes him - he looks up as Nitin drags himself back into bed. Arup hears FAUCETS RUNNING. ARUP Did you put the buckets out? NITIN Bastard, I’m dying. Arup gets up, slowly, walks to the

54

41.

55

INT. BATHROOM - DAY

55

and puts a bucket under the faucet. Then he goes to the 56

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

56

and does the same. He looks in the fridge. His BOTTLES OF COKE are all gone. 57

INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME - DAY Arup stands over Nitin, prods him with his foot. Nitin opens an eye. ARUP Man, did you drink all my Coke? Yeah.

NITIN

ARUP There were like eight, nine bottles in there. I know.

NITIN

ARUP You don’t even like Coke. NITIN Sometimes I do. Arup is at a loss. Man.

ARUP

NITIN I’ll buy you some. ARUP You better believe it. Arup turns, stops. ARUP (cont’d) Man, did you wash your ass with my Coke? Nitin looks at him a long time.

57

42.

NITIN Bastard, I told you I’ll buy you some more. My fucking ass cheeks are stuck together. ARUP I can never drink Coke again. 58

INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

58

The SMALL TRAVEL CLOCK by the bedside shows 7 am. Soniya, in a bathrobe, towel around her wet hair, is on the phone. Behind her, Tashi is sprawled face down across the bed. SONIYA - and Mummy, don’t forget to pick up my dress from the tailor. Tashi sits up. He left eye has swollen into a black ball. SONIYA (cont’d) And ask him if he’s done with the salwar. I just know him - he won’t be done on time. Okay, bye, see ya. She hangs up, sees Tashi and screams. What?

TASHI

SONIYA What happened to you? TASHI Oh, you know. Work. SONIYA Work? They don’t pay you enough to get killed. Actually, they don’t pay you enough. Get up, get ready. Why?

TASHI

SONIYA I have a flight. You’re taking me to the airport, remember?

43.

59

EXT. PARKING LOT, HOTEL - DAY

59

Soniya, in her FLIGHT ATTENDANT UNIFORM, takes in the smashed rear window of the Santro. SONIYA I give you a brand new car, and this is what you do to it? This job of yours, it’s just not worth it. She throws her bag in, through the smashed window. SONIYA (cont’d) When I’m back, you sit down and talk to my dad. TASHI You’re going to miss your flight. 60

INT. CORRIDOR, THE TAJ - DAY

60

Cowboy and his four goons - Brajesh, TITOO, LUCKY and BUNTY stand gathered before Room 621. A DO NOT DISTURB sign hangs from the door handle, the indistinct sounds of the TV float out to the corridor. Cowboy nods to Brajesh. He steps forward and knocks. No reply. Brajesh knocks again, longer and harder. The volume of the TV inside drops. Who is it?

VLADIMIR PILDYSH (O.S)

BRAJESH Sir, laundry. VLADIMIR PILDYSH (O.S) No, thank you. Brajesh is stumped. He looks at Cowboy imploringly. COWBOY (in Hindi) You fuckhead. Laundry? Get away from there, sisterfucker. The boys hang about. Cowboy thinks. The CHATTER of CHINA UPON CHINA distracts him. He looks off to see a GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE wheeling a food-laden trolley towards him. Cowboy stops the guy.

44.

COWBOY (cont’d) Which room is this for? 621, sir.

GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE

COWBOY 621? I’ll take it. GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE No, sir, I can’t do that. I have to deliver the food myself. COWBOY Look - the guy’s my friend. It’s his birthday today, I’m - we’re here to surprise him. GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE Yes, sir, I understand. But it’s hotel policy COWBOY If there’s any trouble, I’ll talk to your manager. Sir -

GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE

Cowboy holds out some money. COWBOY Buy something for the kids. Go on. GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE Sir, I am not married. COWBOY For yourself then. The Guy from Roomservice is torn - but he shakes his head. GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE No, sir. I can’t. It’s hotel policy. I have to deliver the food myself, for reasons of quality. We are one of the leading hotels of the world, and I can’t break the rules. Sir. COWBOY You want to deliver the food? For reasons of quality? Yes, sir.

GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE

45.

COWBOY Alright. Deliver the food. Just wait a second. Cowboy signals the other guys and they arrange themselves on either side of the door. The Guy from Roomservice looks at them. GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE Ready, sir? Cowboy nods. The Guy knocks. Who is it?

VLADIMIR PILDYSH (O.S)

GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE Roomservice. Your lunch, sir. The SOUND of a LATCH being undone, and the door opens, with Vladimir behind it. GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE (cont’d) Your lunch, sir. Come in.

VLADIMIR PILDYSH

The guy pushes in with the trolley. 61

INT. ROOM 621, THE TAJ - CONTINUOUS

61

With a flourish, he takes the cover off the main dish. GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE And happy birthday, sir. VLADIMIR PILDYSH It’s not my birthday. Cowboy steps in, followed by his little helpers. He sticks some money in Guy from Roomservice’s pocket. COWBOY Baksheesh. I’ll take it from here. (to Vladimir) Surprise! 62

INT. CORRIDOR, THE TAJ - DAY The Guy from Roomservice pushes his trolley out - the door slams shut behind him.

62

46.

63

INT. ROOM 621, THE TAJ - DAY Vladimir looks at the guys bunched up by his door. VLADIMIR PILDYSH What are you doing here? COWBOY Delivering your food. Unlike you, we make our deliveries. VLADIMIR PILDYSH What are you talking about? Bunty.

COWBOY

Bunty picks up a tray of food and slams it down on Vladimir’s head. A little BOWL OF CHUTNEY jumps up off the tray and smears itself across Titoo’s white shirt. Vladimir reels back and collapses on the bed, his head in his hands. VLADIMIR PILDYSH (in Russian) What the fuck! What’s wrong with you, you fucking idiots? TITOO (in Hindi) C’mon, man, take it easy. This is a new shirt. In the background, Lucky picks up a COUPLE OF DRUMSTICKS off the carpet, wipes them on his pants, and bites into one. LUCKY (in Hindi, to Titoo) This won’t come out without drycleaning. TITOO (in Hindi) Fuck. Just picked it from the tailor yesterday. With extra starch. Fuck. Cowboy is by the bed, next to Vladimir. COWBOY Where’s the stuff? VLADIMIR PILDYSH I sent it. Like every time.

63

47.

COWBOY That was very good of you. But I don’t have it. So where is it? VLADIMIR PILDYSH I swear. I brought it in and I gave it to my courier. Like every time. COWBOY Who, that new girl? Where is she? VLADIMIR PILDYSH I don’t know. I’m not supposed to be seen with my couriers. COWBOY You don’t know. (to the boys) Search the room. Except for Bunty, who is standing by the bed, dented tray in hand, the others have been busy polishing off Vladimir’s meal. Brajesh has even poured himself a cup of tea, that he’s now sipping delicately. The guys reluctantly put down their plates and cups and begin to rummage halfheartedly through the room. Cowboy kicks the ass nearest to him - it belongs to Brajesh. COWBOY (cont’d) Hurry up - I don’t have all day! 64

INT. CUBICLE, O&M ADVERTISING, DELHI - DAY Swapan Dasgupta sidles up to Arup’s cubicle, holds some ILLUSTRATIONS out to him. SWAPAN DASGUPTA The client liked them. But he thought the banana is smiling too much. Too happy. ARUP Why? He’s about to get eaten. What could be wrong? You want me to make him sad? SWAPAN DASGUPTA Not too much. About two percent. Arup can’t believe this guy.

64

48.

65

EXT. MANISH CHAND JAIN’S MAILBOX - DAY

65

Manish pulls his mail out and idly flips through it as he walks back to his front door. 66

INT. MANISH CHAND JAIN’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

66

He comes upon a LARGE MANILA ENVELOPE - he opens it, sees the photos of his tryst with Leena. His wife, ANJALI JAIN, harried and homely, bustles out of the kitchen. ANJALI JAIN Anything for me? MANISH CHAND JAIN No. Nothing. I’m going to take a bath. Anjali looks at him. ANJALI JAIN You just took a bath. MANISH CHAND JAIN I’m hot. It’s a really hot day. I’m going to take another one. He strides off - she stares after him, KNIFE AND TOMATO in hand. 67

INT. BATHROOM, MANISH CHAND’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

67

A STREAM OF WATER runs noisily into a BUCKET. Manish, seated on the TOILET SEAT, goes through the photos in horrified fascination. At regular intervals, he fills a MUG with water and pours it on the floor. He comes across a note stuck between the photos. It says: “Send Rs. 5000 to PO Box #3452, New Delhi 110007, on the first of every month. No police.” From upstairs, the SOUND of a CISTERN CHAIN being yanked furiously floats down. The CAMERA rises up, through the floors Anjali knocks on the door. ANJALI JAIN (O.S) Are you done? Manish pours more water on the floor.

49.

No. 68

MANISH CHAND JAIN

INT. TOILET, HOME - DAY

68

- to where Nitin, one hand holding up his pyjamas, struggles with the cistern in a far more spartan toilet. He yanks the chain - no water. Unknown to Nitin, his wrestling with the cistern over a night and a day has loosened the HEAVY METAL TANK from its moorings in the crumbling wall. He turns to leave - the tank pitches forward and smacks Nitin so hard, he smashes through the toilet door. He lies in an untidy heap, half in, half out. 69

INT. BATHROOM, MANISH CHAND’S HOUSE - DAY

69

The combined collapse of man and toilet sounds like a THUNDERCLAP above Manish’s head. He looks up, unsure. 70

INT. LAB, DOCTOR’S OFFICE - DAY

70

A gloved and masked LAB TECHNICIAN opens the brown bag before him. There’s a Russian MATRYOSHKA NESTING DOLL inside. 71

INT. OFFICE, ILLUSTRATED WEEKLY OF INDIA - DAY MS. BACHI KARKARIA, in her mid-forties, bespectacled and stern, reads the sheets before her. She does not laugh. Arup fidgets. BACHI KARKARIA And this cow is ARUP His girlfriend. Silence. BACHI KARKARIA And what exactly is she - it the cow doing here? ARUP She’s a prostitute.

71

50.

BACHI KARKARIA I thought she was his girlfriend. ARUP Yes. She’s his girlfriend. (he points on the page) But he’s also her pimp. And this guy here, he’s a customer and they’re negotiating a rate. BACHI KARKARIA You seem to be well informed about the nitty-gritties of purchasing sex. ARUP All from the imagination. I’m sure.

BACHI KARKARIA

ARUP It came to me because no matter where I went, I’d see all these bulls piling onto the poor cows. You take the bus to work, you’d see them humping. You take a walk to buy some vegetables, you see them BACHI KARKARIA Yes, yes. I get it. ARUP So I took it to its logical conclusion and thought, what if the cows started charging the guys? The bulls? BACHI KARKARIA That was the logical conclusion? She shuts Arup’s portfolio. BACHI KARKARIA (cont’d) I think I’m going to have to pass this time. 72

INT. HOME - DAY Manish cautiously walks into the house, spots Nitin, out cold on the floor. He takes in the sight - the cistern, the smashed toilet door. He pulls up A CORNER OF HIS SHIRT and puts it over his nose.

72

51.

73

INT. ROOM 621, THE TAJ - DAY The room’s been turned upside down. Vladimir’s bags have been upended, his clothes strewn across the floor. Nothing.

TITOO

Bunty is still poised with the tray over Vladimir’s head. VLADIMIR PILDYSH I swear I don’t have it. I did everything like I’ve always been doing it. You’ve got to believe me. I don’t know - that girl must have messed up. Cowboy motions to Bunty to put the tray down. COWBOY Give me her number. What?

VLADIMIR PILDYSH

COWBOY Her phone number. Where I can reach her? Cowboy pushes the speakerphone button on the phone - the DIAL TONE comes on. He waits, finger poised over the keypad. VLADIMIR PILDYSH Ah - it’s, it’s - 847, 9, 5, 5 9, 5, 5?

COWBOY

VLADIMIR PILDYSH No - 9, 5, 3, 7, 3. Cowboy punches the number in. At the other end, a phone rings, is picked up. VOICE (V.O) Gupta Stationary Mart. Hello? Cowboy hangs up. He looks at Vladimir, his eyes full of sadness. VLADIMIR PILDYSH I must’ve mixed it up. Give me a second to think. Bunty.

COWBOY

73

52.

Bunty smacks Vladimir full across the face with the tray. He slams across the bed, then slowly slides off. Bunty throws the tray down, punches Vladimir across the mouth, then picks him up and throws him over a chair that Titoo has thoughtfully pulled up. They tie Vladimir’s hands to the chair legs with his own ties. Titoo pulls out a mean looking knife and moves towards Vladimir. VLADIMIR PILDYSH (blabbering) No, what’re you doing, hold on, stop, give me a second, I’ll remember With a quick slice of the knife, Titoo cuts Vladimir’s pants and underwear in half, leaving him tied bare-assed across the chair. Lucky tosses something to Titoo - it flashes past Vladimir’s nose before Titoo grabs it out of the air and jams it into his butt. Vladimir is almost hysterical. VLADIMIR PILDYSH (cont’d) (in Russian) What’s that? What’s that? What are you doing? COWBOY It’s a firecracker. Clear your brain. Titoo lights a match, touches it to the fuse of the FIRECRACKER. He, along with Bunty and Lucky, moves back to the wall. Brajesh, already in a corner, pours himself another cup of tea. VLADIMIR PILDYSH Why would I still be here if I wanted to cheat you? COWBOY Because you don’t know me. You want to try that number before your ass gets pasted to the ceiling? VLADIMIR PILDYSH (in Russian) Yes, yes. Cowboy clicks on the speakerphone.

53.

8, 4, 7 8, 4, 7 9, 5 9, 5 -

VLADIMIR PILDYSH (cont’d) COWBOY VLADIMIR PILDYSH COWBOY

VLADIMIR PILDYSH (trying to remember) 9, 5, 9, 5 - 3, 7, 3, 3, 7, 3. 7, 3, 3. 7, 3, 3! 7, 3, 3? Yes, yes!

COWBOY VLADIMIR PILDYSH

Cowboy dials. A phone rings. The fuse burns. VLADIMIR PILDYSH (cont’d) (in Russian) Put it out! Put it out! Cowboy raises an admonishing finger. VLADIMIR PILDYSH (cont’d) (in Russian) Come on! Put it out! Put it out! Cowboy ignores him. At the other end, the call goes through. VLADIMIR PILDYSH (cont’d) (in Russian) Come on! Come on! SONIYA (V.O) Hi, you’ve reached Soniya. Cowboy nods to Brajesh - he splashes his cup of tea across Vladimir’s ass. He yelps from the hot tea. Oh. Sorry.

BRAJESH

The firecracker fizzles out, not a moment too soon. SONIYA (V.O.) Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you. Vladimir is crying like a baby.

54.

The answering machine beeps. Cowboy picks up the phone, covers the mouthpiece with his hand. COWBOY Leave her a message. Ask her to call you back. Urgently. He puts the phone in front of Vladimir’s face. Vladimir cries into the phone, trying to catch his breath through huge sobs. Cowboy hangs up. He leans forward to Vladimir. COWBOY (cont’d) Shut up. I’m going to call her again. You leave her a message. And since we’re going to be here a while, call room service and order some food. 74

EXT. RITU’S FRONT DOOR - DAY Arup rings the doorbell - a moment later, RITU KOHLI, 26 and plain, sticks her head out. Snatches of conversation and laughter float out from inside. ARUP Hey. What happened, where were you yesterday? RITU What are you doing here? MRS. KOHLI (O.S.) Ritu, who is it? RITU No one, mummy. She steps out, shuts the door behind her. RITU (cont’d) Arup - you can’t be here. ARUP What’s going on? The door opens behind Ritu and VIVEK UNIYAL, 29, a tall, fair guy in tight jeans and a centre parting, steps out. VIVEK UNIYAL Hey guys. Your friend, Ritu? RITU Yes. A friend. Uniyal lights up his cigarillo, extends a hand to Arup.

74

55.

VIVEK UNIYAL Ritu’s friends are my friends. RITU Arup, this is Vivek. He’s a computer engineer in Canada. VIVEK UNIYAL Nice to meet you, dude. Are you coming to the wedding? ARUP What wedding? VIVEK UNIYAL He doesn’t know? RITU I was going to tell him. Arup just came to pick up his stuff. He’s a cartoonist. She runs back inside. VIVEK UNIYAL A cartoonist? What, like Chacha Choudhry? ARUP Yeah. Like Chacha Choudhry. Ritu returns with a stack of Arup’s drawings, hands them over to him. RITU (to Vivek) Your tea’s ready. Everyone’s waiting. VIVEK UNIYAL Alright. Nice meeting you, man. Uniyal flicks his cigarillo away, holds a hand out to Arup. As Arup puts his hand out to shake it, Uniyal pulls it back and folds his palms together. UNIYAL Old jungle saying. Phantom’s fist quicker than the eye. See you at the wedding, dude. He steps back inside. ARUP When were you going to tell me?

56.

RITU Arup, it doesn’t matter. In a month, I’m moving to Canada. MRS. KOHLI (O.S.) Ritu! Your tea is getting cold! RITU I have to get back. You have to go now. Please. Good luck with your cartooning. She goes in, shuts the door behind her. 75

EXT. RITU’S FRONT DOOR - A LITTLE LATER

75

Two sets of parents - the Kohlis and the Uniyals - step out with their respective children, Vivek, Ritu and her younger brother, Mohit, 14. And they stop - Arup is still standing there. ARUP (in Hindi) This marriage cannot happen. And as he speaks, things slowly change - the colours transform to bright neons and everything begins to look like a Bollywood film, circa 1970. Arup, armed with sideburns and big hair, is in a WHITE OUTFIT WITH WHITE BOOTS, his shirt unbuttoned to reveal copious amounts of chest hair. ARUP (cont’d) This girl has given me blow-job. And because I am 21st century man, I have given her oral pleasure also. Both fathers clutch their chests in sync and dramatically collapse to the ground, dead. The mothers begin wailing, also in sync as they try to smash their glass bangles in time-honoured tradition. Except, after many substantial whacks, these bangles refuse to shatter. Frustrated, Mrs. Kohli slaps her daughter instead, who flies half-way across the lawn and collapses. MRS. KOHLI You have disgraced the family name! Get out of my sight!

57.

ARUP It’s not her fault. Why was she not told those Indians in Canada are all wife-beaters? Vivek, fearsome in his BELL-BOTTOMS AND PLATFORMS yells at Arup. VIVEK UNIYAL (in Hindi) You dog! I’m going to drink your blood! And he attacks, with Mohit in tow. Naturally, Arup beats the crap out of them. Ritu crawls across the lawn and clings to Arup’s legs. RITU (in Hindi) My master! Forgive me! I belong to you! I am yours - take me. Arup turns and walks away, Ritu still hanging onto his leg. Only a minute has gone by - it’s all in his head. Arup snaps out of it, to see DANGER, Ritu’s little rat-dog on yard patrol has latched onto his leg. Arup flicks his leg. Danger flies off. 76

INT. HONG KONG INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

76

Another day, another airport. Same old trolley bag. CELL PHONE to her ear, Soniya checks her messages as she heads out. VOICE MAIL (V.O.) You have two new messages. First message The FIRST message is just a man bawling like a baby. Soniya looks at her phone, moves on to the next one. VLADIMIR PILDYSH (V.O) Soniya, this is Vladimir calling. Please call me back as soon as you get this message. It is very, very urgent. Please call me back. 77

INT. ROOM 621, THE TAJ - DAY TRAYS and PLATES are scattered through the room, much like Cowboy and his men. They lie haphazardly by the TV.

77

58.

Only Vladimir is sitting ramrod stiff by the phone - the same phone that is now ringing. Cowboy, spread across the bed, gets up and hits the SPEAKERPHONE button. Hello?

VLADIMIR PILDYSH

SONIYA (V.O) Hello? Vladimir? It’s Soniya. I got your message. VLADIMIR PILDYSH Good, good. Thank you for calling back. I wanted to ask you about the package you had to deliver did you deliver it? You know, I asked a for me. I before my

SONIYA (V.O) actually I didn’t - but friend to drop it off had to do some shopping flight -

VLADIMIR PILDYSH (furious) Are you crazy? After I told you to do exactly as I said. What do you think this is, a joke, we’re out on picnic? I told you clearly, how could you be so stupid The line goes dead. She’s hung up. Vladimir stares at the phone, dumbfounded. COWBOY Oh, well done. Cowboy dials her number again. Her phone rings, goes to her voice mail. SONIYA (V.O) Hi, you’ve reached Soniya Cowboy hangs up. Vladimir’s about to have a cow. COWBOY Oh, Vladimir. Cowboy dials again. The phone rings several times before she picks up. SONIYA (V.O) (on speakerphone) Hello?

59.

Cowboy grabs the receiver off the hook. COWBOY Hello? Ms. Soniya? INTERCUT BETWEEN SPEAKERS Yes?

SONIYA

COWBOY This is Vladimir’s supervisor. I’m calling to apologize for his behavior. SONIYA He’s a very rude man. I only did this as a favor to him, you know? Because he’s a friend of a friend. I helped him out, and look at this. COWBOY You’re right. You can be sure I will be taking some disciplinary action. Some very stern disciplinary action. So - where is the package you had to deliver? SONIYA I gave it to a friend. I’m surprised you haven’t got it yet he’s very good about these things. COWBOY Something must have come up. Why don’t you give me his address, and I’ll have it picked up. No, no, it’s no trouble at all. Hold on a second. Cowboy grabs a pad and scribbles on it. COWBOY (cont’d) What did you say his name was? 78

EXT. STREET - DAY Arup steps out into the evening, bag over his shoulder, sketch pad in hand. Monsoon clouds gather in the quickly darkening sky.

78

60.

A large drop of rain falls on Arup. A second later, the rain comes down in a wall of water. 79

EXT. PAVEMENT - A LITTLE LATER

79

Arup sits on the pavement as the rain beats down on him. Water gurgles past his submerged ankles. He looks at his soaked sketchpad, ink running away from the ruined drawings. He throws the pad into the water. It spins away in the current. He watches it go - then gets up and runs after it. 80

EXT. ROADSIDE BARBER SHOP - DAY

80

The BARBER SHOP is a SMALL MIRROR nailed to a tree, and a rickety chair in front of it. One final stroke, and the barber’s done - Arup looks at his NEWLY SHAVED HEAD in the mirror. 81

EXT. FRONT DOOR, HOME - DAY

81

Dark clouds hang low. UPSTAIRS, the dance lesson is in full swing, the racket floating out into the evening. Tashi unlocks his front door and steps inside 82

INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME - DAY

82

- only to be roughly pushed to the wall by Bunty. TASHI What the fuck The front door is slammed shut behind him, and Tashi sees the strangest sight: A bald-headed Arup, hands tied behind his back, is standing on a stool. He’s connected to the CEILING FAN by a TIE, fashioned like a NOOSE around his neck. His lower lip is swollen and bloody. Cowboy looks up to Arup. COWBOY Who’s this? Tashi.

ARUP

COWBOY You’re Tashi?

61.

TASHI Yeah - what the hell’s going on? Who the fuck are you? Tashi tries to free himself from Bunty and Lucky holding him against the wall. Cowboy puts a finger to his lips. COWBOY You’ll ask questions when I give you permission to ask questions. Which will be never. So, shut the fuck up. Cowboy looks to Arup. COWBOY (cont’d) So you’re not Tashi. ARUP I told you. Can I get down now? Cowboy ignores him. COWBOY (to Tashi) Where’s my package? TASHI What package? He gently takes Tashi’s dark glasses off his face and punches him in the face, splitting his lip. Tashi collapses to the floor. Cowboy kicks him in the stomach - Bunty and Lucky join in. Cowboy motions them to stop, asks them to pick Tashi off the floor with a nod of his head. They prop him up. COWBOY Let’s do this again. A girl called Soniya gave you a package. Where is it? Tashi, punch drunk and doubled over in pain, shakes his head. A sticky line of blood dribbles out of his mouth. TASHI I don’t know. Oh, no?

COWBOY

TASHI Ask the guy who dropped it off. He isn’t here.

62.

Cowboy raises his hand again COWBOY What, you bastards think this is a game ARUP No, no, no, he’s right. I dropped it off. COWBOY You dropped it off? Then why is he saying you’re not here? Cowboy turns around. Bunty and Lucky let Tashi go - he flops to the floor. COWBOY (cont’d) I think I’m going to have to fuck you guys up. ARUP No, listen to me. He gave it to somebody to drop it off. Then that guy gave it to me. COWBOY You’re not Tashi, he’s Tashi. He got the package, gave it to somebody else. Who gave it to you. And you dropped it off. Yeah.

ARUP

COWBOY Why didn’t you tell me? ARUP You didn’t ask. Cowboy doesn’t have a reply. COWBOY So where is it? ARUP I dropped it off. At this place. It was a shop. Indian Handicrafts. Or something. COWBOY No. At Indian Handicrafts, you dropped off a can of shit. Where’s my package?

63.

ARUP No. A can of - no, really? Are you sure? COWBOY Am I sure? (he pulls a gun out) Motherfucker, ask me one more time. I’ll tell you if I’m sure. ARUP You’re probably right. Cowboy jerks the gun at Arup. ARUP (cont’d) You’re absolutely right. There must’ve been a mix up. Cowboy’s had it. COWBOY There must’ve been a mix-up? I’m telling you there was a mix-up, motherfucker. Where’s my package? (he puts the gun to Arup’s forehead) If I have to ask you again, I’m going to fucking kill you. Arup, eyes shut tight, freezes up. Agonizing seconds pass. Cowboy puts the gun down and slaps Arup across the face. COWBOY (cont’d) Where’s my package? ARUP The doctor. The doctor’s office. Cowboy puts the gun back in his pants. Bunty.

COWBOY

Bunty steps forward. COWBOY (cont’d) (to Arup) Give him the address. 83

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE - DAY

83

All we see is DR. CHOPRA busy with BANDAGES. His hands fly in and out of frame, wrapping, tying. He picks up a pair of scissors, and snips off the bandage roll.

64.

Alright.

DR. CHOPRA

Nitin sits up. His head is wrapped in a bandage so huge, it’s like a TURBAN. He feels his head tentatively. DR. CHOPRA (cont’d) Come back in a week and we’ll see how you’re doing. 84

INT. RECEPTION, DOCTOR’S OFFICE - DAY

84

Manish puts down his MAGAZINE as Nitin slowly walks through the door. Better?

MANISH CHAND JAIN

NITIN Yeah. Thank you for your help. MANISH CHAND JAIN Oh, don’t mention it. They slowly head towards the door - the Nurse sticks her head through the dispensary window. Mr. Nitin?

NURSE

Nitin turns. She pushes the matryoshka through the window. NURSE (cont’d) Your friend dropped this off here. NITIN My friend? Why? 85

EXT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE - DAY Holding onto the matryoshka, Nitin slowly gets onto Manish’s Vespa. Alright? Yeah.

MANISH CHAND JAIN NITIN

He puts a protective hand on his head as they head out. A Maruti van pulls up.

85

65.

Bunty jumps out, rushes in to the doctor’s office, only to run out a moment later. He heads after the scooter. 86

EXT. FURTHER ON DOWN THE ROAD - A FEW MOMENTS LATER

86

Bunty is stuck in the rush hour traffic jam, boxed in by vehicles haphazardly clustered around him. Further ahead, Manish skillfully maneuvers his Vespa through traffic and pulls away. Somewhere, a long way back, Bunty honks his horn in frustration. 87

EXT. FRONT GATE, HOME - DAY

87

Manish coasts his scooter to a stop outside the gate. Nitin dismounts carefully. NITIN Thank you. I really appreciate it. MANISH CHAND JAIN Oh, yaar, stop saying that. It’s nothing. You would’ve done the same for me. Yeah.

NITIN

Manish turns his scooter around. NITIN (cont’d) You’re not coming in? MANISH CHAND JAIN No. I’m going to meet my brother. NITIN You have a brother? 88

INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME - DAY Arup is still up on the stool, tied to the ceiling fan. Tashi sits leaning against the wall, his breaths painfilled rasps. Brajesh, Lucky and Titoo hang about. But Cowboy is examining Nitin’s collage of Bearded Man with Petunia with great interest. COWBOY What do you know about this guy?

88

66.

Lucky and Titoo exchange a glance. ARUP Nothing. He’s dead. Can I please get down now? COWBOY I know he’s dead. How do you have these photos? ARUP You know, if I could sit down, I’d be happy to answer all your questions. Cowboy glares at Arup. ARUP (cont’d) My roommate took them. Who, him?

COWBOY

ARUP No. My other roommate. His photographer. COWBOY His photographer? This guy has flunkies running around the city, photographing dead guys for him? What is he, a pervert? ARUP No, he’s a From the floor, Tashi signals Arup to not say what he’s about to say - but it’s too late. ARUP (cont’d) - journalist. COWBOY Is that right? The front door opens and Nitin steps in. He takes a look at the sights before him. NITIN Hey, guys. You didn’t tell me you were having friends over. COWBOY And you must be the photojournalist. Cowboy saunters over and plucks the MATRYOSHKA out of Nitin’s hands.

67.

COWBOY (cont’d) Welcome home. Please, walk across to that wall there, and keep your mouth shut. Nitin stands next to Tashi. Cowboy, a man keeping tabs on everything till now, is transformed, completely focussed on the task at hand. He quickly grabs a small table and spreads a piece of SQUARE BLACK CLOTH on it. He pulls up a stool, sits down, and with practiced hands, opens up the matryoshka, all the way down to the SMALLEST DOLL INSIDE. He opens it up, and a HANDFUL OF UNCUT DIAMONDS spill out. He counts them quickly - satisfied, he puts them back, reassembles the matryoshka. COWBOY (cont’d) Alright, good. He looks at Tashi, Arup and Nitin, who, a moment ago, had been staring wide-eyed at the diamonds before them. COWBOY (cont’d) Finish them. There’s a moment before this sinks in. ARUP Wait a minute - finish them? Who? Us? Why? You have your package, everything’s fine Cowboy kicks the stool out from under Arup, shutting him up with a tortured croak. He swings from the ceiling fan, face turning red, legs flailing. 89

INT. DANCE STUDIO - DAY

89

Upstairs, Ambika and Devika dance on, unaware that there is a man slowly dying beneath their pounding feet. 90

INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME - DAY Downstairs, Tashi and Nitin look on in horror, rooted to their spots. Cowboy nods to Brajesh, who pulls a GUN out and begins screwing a SILENCER onto it. COWBOY What the fuck - ? You think anyone can hear with this racket on?

90

68.

He’s right - the dance lesson, on through all of this, only seems to have gotten louder. Brajesh starts unscrewing the silencer, irritating Cowboy even more. COWBOY (cont’d) Gimme that He moves to snatch the gun from Brajesh, and Tashi leaps up, punches Cowboy in the face, and makes a run for the door - Titoo and Lucky grab him and drag him back, kicking and screaming. TASHI Help! Help! Somebody help! It’s pointless. Cowboy picks himself off the floor, sucks the blood off his lip and takes the gun from Brajesh. Behind him, Arup’s struggling has diminished into spastic twitches. A SMALL CRACK has appeared in the ceiling at the base of the fan. A petrified Nitin is still glued to the wall. With Titoo and Lucky still holding Tashi, Cowboy puts the barrel of the gun against Tashi’s temple, when the ceiling fan, unable to bear Arup any longer, falls out of the ceiling, its stem clocks Cowboy on the head, and knocks him out cold - but not before his redirected gun fires and plugs Lucky - not so Lucky today - right between the eyes. Ambika’s - or is it Devika’s, for who can tell by a leg anklet wrapped leg, bare from ankle to knee, sticks down from the ceiling. Her anklets jingle as she tries to jimmy her leg out. Brajesh, Titoo, Tashi and Nitin stand frozen, too shocked to move. And then the crack rapidly travels and widens and the whole ceiling caves in upon them, depositing Ambika, Devika, Keval Maharaj, his musicians and their assorted instruments on the floor. There is complete and utter silence. As the dust gently settles upon the mess, Tashi is the first to move. As he scrambles to get up, his hand falls on something cold and hard. It’s Brajesh’s gun, the silencer still on it.

69.

Tashi sticks it in his trousers, and rushes over to where Arup is sprawled across the floor. He loosens the noose around Arup’s neck, then gently slaps his face. Arup’s eyes slowly flutter open. TASHI (cont’d) Oh, man. Oh, man. C’mon. Arup tries to get up, only to realize quickly that he’s still attached to the fan. Tashi tries to undo the knot, takes the gun out and shoots it. The bullet ricochets around the room, smashes the one window pane still left intact. Tashi puts the gun back in his trousers, only to pull it out with yelp - the barrel is still hot. Fuck!

TASHI (cont’d)

He decides to just hold on to it. The tie is still around Arup’s neck, but at least he’s free. He gets to his feet painfully, as best as he can with his hands tied behind his back. Tashi hops across to where a Ramboesque Nitin, caked in dust, is pressed against the wall, eyes squeezed shut. Tashi shakes him - dust flies everywhere. Nitin opens his eyes. Let’s go! 91

TASHI (cont’d)

EXT. STAIRCASE - DAY

91

The three run out of house, race down the stairs. Nitin remembers something. Hold on!

NITIN

He runs back into the house. 92

INT. HOME - DAY Nitin looks over the wrecked room until he finds what he came back for - the matryoshka. He grabs it. Someone stirs. Nitin scrams.

92

70.

93

EXT. STREET - DAY

93

Tashi, already in the Santro, takes off, crossing Bunty, who is just pulling up in his Maruti van. BUNTY’S POV Arup hobbles across to the Vespa. A moment later, Nitin runs out with the matryoshka. He drops it into his scooter basket, frantically kicks it thankfully, it starts - and the two take off, as an incredulous Bunty watches them go. Almost on cue, the Vespa’s engine cuts out. Bunty races after the rapidly slowing scooter, gets close enough to grab the remnants of the tie still streaming out from Arup’s neck. The Vespa starts up again. Bunty refuses to let go, and so they head out into traffic, with Arup holding on somehow to avoid being pulled off. A car pulls up next to them - a red Santro, in fact - and Tashi puts a gun to Bunty’s head. There is something in Tashi’s beaten and bleeding face that decides the issue for Bunty. He lets go. The car and the scooter race off. Bunty, who had worked himself into quite a pace, slows down, only to get slammed by a car behind him. He flies over the hood, hits the top with a metallic THUMP and rolls down the trunk. Traffic pools around him in an untidy mess. 94

INT. ROOM, PHOOL CHAND’S HOUSE - NIGHT PHOOL CHAND JAIN, a moustached man as imposing as his brother Manish Chand is slight, slowly undoes the buttons of his uniform. He’s in his pyjama bottoms and his police uniform blouse. Manish sits quietly. Phool Chand takes off his blouse, puts on a crisply starched kurta, shuts the STEEL ALMIRAH with a dull CLANG. He sits down at his table, picks up the photos on it. He flips through them, his face set. PHOOL CHAND JAIN Is this the tie I gave you?

94

71.

Phool Chand shows Manish the photo - he’s poised over Leena, naked, save for shirt, tie and socks. Yes.

MANISH CHAND JAIN

Sarita Jain, Phool Chand’s wife, yells from the kitchen. SARITA JAIN (O.S.) Dinner’s ready! Phool Chand flips through the remainder, puts them back and gets up. Manish puts a hand on the table for support and stands. PHOOL CHAND JAIN Don’t touch anything - god knows what disease you’re carrying. Manish pulls his hand back. PHOOL CHAND JAIN (cont’d) You’re staying for dinner? MANISH CHAND JAIN No, no. I should get going. 95

INT. RED SANTRO, SOMEWHERE ON RING ROAD - NIGHT Tashi drives, Arup rides shotgun, Nitin is in the back. NITIN They shaved your head before hanging you? No.

ARUP

Arup’s voice is a barely understandable croak. What? No.

NITIN ARUP

NITIN So how come you’re bald? I did.

ARUP

NITIN You did? What’s this, fucking Mill on the Floss? And whose car is this? Where are we going?

95

72.

96

EXT. FRONT DOOR, MENAKA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

96

Groggy with sleep, Menaka opens her front door a crack, to see three battered faces looking back at her. She stares. TASHI Can we come in? 97

INT. MENAKA’S APARTMENT, BREAKFAST TABLE - NEXT MORNING

97

The SCREEN is covered by a NEWSPAPER, held open by LONG FINGERS and CLEAR NAILS. Menaka quickly flips through it, tosses it on the table. She looks at the bandaged, beaten faces before her. She finishes her COFFEE and leaves. 98

EXT. MENAKA’S FRONT DOOR - DAY

98

Tashi locks the door and heads down the stairs. Arup and Nitin follow him. NITIN Are you sure? TWO MUSLIM WOMEN in BURQAS head up the stairs - Tashi stops to let them pass. Arup and Nitin squeeze in behind him as the women walk past them. 99

EXT./INT. SANTRO - DAY SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD Tashi drives, Nitin rides next to him. Arup is in the back, staring out the window. TASHI What do you think? NITIN I don’t know, man. TASHI So why’d you pick them up again? NITIN I don’t know, man, I wasn’t thinking. Didn’t seem right to leave a bunch of diamonds just sitting there. But now I’m thinking we should return them, walk away from this whole mess.

99

73.

We can’t.

ARUP

(Arup croaks through all this - he can barely be understood.) What? We can’t.

NITIN TASHI

NITIN What do you mean, we can’t? We just take them back, tell them there was a mix-up ARUP They tried to kill us after they got them back. Tashi nods. TASHI They tried to kill us after they got them back. The time to walk away clean from this is long gone. Tashi punches in a number on his cell phone as Nitin digests this. NITIN Okay, so we sell them like you say - then what? Where do we go? We can’t just drop everything and disappear. Our lives are here. Tashi and Arup say nothing. Nitin looks out the window. NITIN (cont’d) You know whose fault this is? Your fucking girlfriend, man. What the fuck has she been up to? Hanging out with fucking psychos At the other end, an answering machine picks up. SONIYA (V.O.) Hi, you’ve reached Soniya. Leave me a message Tashi hangs up. NITIN And I know this is your dowry man, but this is a fucking ugly car. (MORE)

74. NITIN (cont'd) When a donkey fucks - no, not fucks - when a donkey brutally rapes a Fiat, this is what you get.

100

INT. OFFICE, ADLAKHA JEWELLERS, KAROL BAGH - DAY

100

SUDHIR ADLAKHA, a prosperous and oily 33, looks at the diamonds spread before him with an EYE GLASS. He leans back in his chair, pops the eye glass out. SUDHIR ADLAKHA One lakh. That’s my final offer. Tashi, flanked by Arup and Nitin, leans back, tries to look as bored as possible. He thinks a moment, then nods yes. Sudhir Adlakha leans forward to the table. SUDHIR ADLAKHA (cont’d) Good, good. Alright. He quickly separates the stones on the velvet before him. SUDHIR ADLAKHA (cont’d) There’s 30 stones here - I’m sure you already know that - that makes it an even 30 lakh. Give me half an hour to get the cash. Tashi leans forward to the table, tries to keep his voice from trembling. TASHI One lakh each? One lakh each. SUDHIR ADLAKHA Look, I told you. This is my final offer. I don’t bargain. You don’t like it, you’re welcome to TASHI No, no, it’s fine - I guess. 30 lakhs, even. SUDHIR ADLAKHA Alright, good. The diamonds back in her belly, Adlakha locks the matryoshka in his safe, smiles. 101

EXT./INT. SANTRO, PARKING LOT - DAY

101

An OPEN BAG. A BIG open bag. A big, open bag, stashed with neat BUNDLES OF MONEY.

75.

Nitin picks one up, riffles through it. He puts the bundle to his nose and smells it. NITIN I’ll move to Patna. I’m gone five years, nobody knows where I am. Maybe Kashmir. Nobody’ll look there. He sticks his hand into the bag, rummages about, pulls out a stack, riffles through it. He pulls out another one. ARUP What’re you doing? NITIN It’s all money. You can’t be too sure. I saw this movie, money on top, and inside, full of fucking newspaper. He pulls out another bundle, checks it. NITIN (cont’d) Nice guy, Mr. Adlakha. Where are you going? TASHI I’m staying right here. NITIN What? They’ll find you TASHI Yeah. They’ll find me, they’ll beat me, and I’ll tell them you’re in Patna. Relax. I’m going to call the police and we’ll live happily ever after. ARUP (to Tashi) Give me the phone. Tashi passes the PHONE across to Arup - he dials, waits. 102

INT. OFFICE, O&M ADVERTISING - DAY

102

A PHONE RINGS. Swapan Dasgupta picks it up, without looking up from the LAYOUT he’s working on. Hello?

SWAPAN DASGUPTA

76.

INTERCUT BETWEEN SPEAKERS ARUP Dasgupta, you fucking hack! You blot on every Bong art director in the business! I quit, you talentless whore SWAPAN DASGUPTA Hello? Hello? Unable to decipher the croaking at the other end, Swapan hangs up. Arup looks at the dead phone in his hands - he dials the number again, and hands the phone to Tashi. Arup mimes as Tashi talks for him. TASHI Dasgupta, you fucking hack! You blot on every Bong art director in the business! I quit, you talentless whore SWAPAN DASGUPTA What? Who is this? Who is this? TASHI It’s Arup, you dumb fuck. I quit. Tashi hangs up. Arup looks at him a moment, then his face creases into a huge smile. He claps his hands together, laughs soundlessly. Tashi and Nitin join in. The phone rings. Yeah?

TASHI (cont’d)

There’s nobody at the other end - then, the sound of a SLAP, and a woman’s SCREAM. COWBOY (V.O.) I want them back. In one hour. Room 621, Taj Intercontinental. Otherwise, I’ll send her back to you by parcel post. Cowboy hangs up. One look at Tashi’s troubled face, and the laughter dies. NITIN What? What? ARUP Who was it?

77.

TASHI They’ve got Soniya. NITIN They? Who they? TASHI We have to take the diamonds back. We have to return this money, get them back. ARUP Return the money? I just quit my job. No, you’re right, you’re right. This is more important. They didn’t recognize me. I don’t think they recognized me. I can always say it wasn’t me. NITIN We give them the diamonds and they kill us. Wasn’t that the problem to begin with? TASHI We have no choice. We have to take them back. NITIN We have no choice? They’re going to kill us. What, we’re just going to go back and get killed? TASHI Man, shut the fuck up. Nitin looks out the window, pissed. NITIN I hate your fucking girlfriend. Nitin picks out a WAD OF CASH from the bag and smells it. 103

INT. OFFICE, ADLAKHA JEWELLERS, KAROL BAGH - DAY

103

Sudhir Adlakha steeples his fingers, looks at the guys sitting before him. SUDHIR ADLAKHA I understand. If you can pay me right now, they’re yours. Tashi hefts the bag off the floor and sets it on the table. SUDHIR ADLAKHA (cont’d) How much is this?

78.

TASHI The 30 lakhs you gave us. It’s all here. SUDHIR ADLAKHA How many do you want to buy? TASHI How many - we want them all back. SUDHIR ADLAKHA That’s going to be 60 lakhs. TASHI 60 lakhs? We were just here - you gave us 30 lakhs, we’re returning it all to you. Please, just return our diamonds. SUDHIR ADLAKHA Diamonds? What I bought from you were uncut stones. What you’re buying from me are polished diamonds. 60 lakhs. TASHI Please, don’t do this. We don’t have 60 lakhs. We can’t get 60 lakhs. I’m begging you. It’s a matter of life and death. SUDHIR ADLAKHA That’s what everybody says. I’m running a business here, not a charity. He presses a BUTTON under his desk. TASHI Listen to me, somebody will die. We were here half-an-hour ago. Nothing has changed A BIG, BURLY MAN slips into the office and positions himself by the door. SUDHIR ADLAKHA That’s my final price. TASHI You bastard Tashi lunges at him, but Arup and Nitin restrain him. The Burly Man grabs Tashi’s collar and pulls him to the door. Tashi shakes himself loose and the three walk out. Adlakha watches them go.

79.

104

EXT./INT. SANTRO - DAY SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD

104

Nitin drives. Tashi is lost deep in thought. Arup is in the back, miserable. NITIN Where are we going? TASHI Times of India. Nitin looks over to Tashi. For what?

NITIN

TASHI I have a plan. 105

INT. CORRIDOR, THE TIMES OF INDIA - DAY

105

Tashi walks with Menaka as she tries to hold onto the papers in her hand. MENAKA You want to drag me half-way across the city? I only do that for people who know me. For friends. And in the middle of the fucking day? I have a deadline. A couple of sheets escape her. She stops to pick them up Tashi grabs her hand. TASHI Trust me - so do I. 106

INT. LIVING ROOM, MENAKA’S APARTMENT - DAY

106

Nitin stands in the middle of the room, wearing a burqa over his clothes, his veil flipped back over his head. NITIN This is the plan? The camera reveals the other three, also in burqas, their faces veiled. Tashi pulls Nitin’s veil down his face. 107

EXT./INT. SANTRO - DAY SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD Nitin drives.

107

80.

TASHI You find a parking spot, sit tight till we show up. As simple as that. Nothing to worry about look out! Nitin swerves, just misses a passing CYCLIST. NITIN I can’t see with this motherfucking shit in my face! He tosses his veil back. Tashi looks at him. TASHI And whatever you do, keep your face covered. He throws the veil back across Nitin’s face. TASHI (cont’d) (to Arup) Did you get the money? Yeah.

ARUP

NITIN Why do we have to give the money back? The guy’s an asshole. TASHI This isn’t a robbery. We’re taking back what’s ours, returning what’s his. NITIN Ours? Nothing is ours here, we’re just the dumb fucks stuck in the middle. We should just keep the fucking money Cow!

TASHI

Nitin stands on the brakes, everyone slams forward. The car stops inches away from the BEAST. She looks at them, bored. TASHI (cont’d) You drive. Let me do the thinking. MENAKA I’m assuming there will be an explanation at some point.

81.

TASHI Yes. Of course. But later. Menaka picks up a packet of underwear off the back seat. MENAKA Calvin Kleen? Arup shrugs. 108

EXT. KAROL BAGH MARKET - DAY

108

The middle of the afternoon, and the market is teeming, crowded with people and haphazardly parked cars. Nitin slowly inches towards Adlakha Jewellers, still a block away. Stop.

TASHI

NITIN What, here? TASHI I don’t want us pulling up to the store in a red car. We’ll walk. Tashi, Arup and Menaka step out of the car. Arup slides the bag of money out and hefts it onto his shoulder. Tashi leans into the window. TASHI (cont’d) Find a spot close to the store, somewhere we can find you quickly. NITIN I’m dying in this. You know how hot this thing is? TASHI Yeah. I’m wearing one. Tashi walks to the sidewalk, to the waiting Menaka and Arup. 109

INT. ADLAKHA JEWELLERS - DAY The store is divided down the middle by a GLASS COUNTER full of JEWELRY, sales clerks on one side, buyers on the other. The glass covered walls make the store look bigger - and gaudier - than it is.

109

82.

Menaka, Tashi and Arup are at the counter, veils across their faces. PRERNA, a demure sales clerk with two thick braids hanging over each ear, attends to them. The counter before them is littered with jewelry that Menaka has rejected. Prerna takes another from its case an anklet - and hands it to her. Menaka puts a dainty foot on the bench, drapes it across her ankle. It looks beautiful against her flawless skin. Sudhir Adlakha, walking past, snatches a quick look at Menaka’s leg, exposed from the calf down. Menaka petulantly tosses the anklet back on the counter and shakes her head. PRERNA Madam, please tell me what you have in mind, so I might be able to help you a little better. Not this.

MENAKA

Menaka gets up. She looks to Tashi and Arup, who’re still seated. Let’s go.

MENAKA (cont’d)

The two look at her, not moving. MENAKA (cont’d) Come on. There’s nothing here. The two have no option but to get up, which they do, with a billowing of their voluminous robes. At the far end of the store, Sudhir Adlakha sees them get up - he skitters across to Prerna’s side. SUDHIR ADLAKHA Did you find everything to your satisfaction, Madam? MENAKA No. I wanted to see your finest jewelry. Not the trash you keep out for everybody else. SUDHIR ADLAKHA Madam, I’m sure I have something that you will love. He taps Prerna on the shoulder. She leaves. SUDHIR ADLAKHA (cont’d) Madam, please, come with me.

83.

Adlakha puts a familiar hand on Menaka’s shoulder, points with the other towards his office. Menaka looks to Arup. MENAKA Nafisa, will you wait here? For a moment, Arup doesn’t realize she means him. When he does, he nods vigorously. Menaka and Tashi head towards the back, Adlakha close behind. At the other end of the store, the front door opens, and an imposing man in a police uniform - DEPUTY INSPECTOR GENERAL MOHAN SRIVASTAVA - walks up to the counter. From the way Prerna greets him, it’s obvious he’s an important customer. He sits down at the counter, next to Arup. Arup shrivels, pulls the bag of cash further under the bench. He delicately adjusts his burqa to make sure his feet - and the JEANS that he’s wearing underneath - are well covered. DIG MOHAN SRIVASTAVA So is it ready, or are you going to make me wait? PRERNA Fifteen minutes, sir. They’re doing the final polishing right now. She raises a hand and a FLUNKY materializes with BOTTLES OF COKE AND GLASSES OF WATER. DIG Srivastava picks a bottle of Coke, takes a grateful swig. Arup, studiously looking in the other direction, is startled by the tray thrust under his face. FLUNKY Madam, Coke? Arup hesitates, reaches for a bottle, picks up a glass of water instead. He puts the glass to his mouth for a sip, and remembers, too late, there’s a veil across his face. Half-a-glass of water is now a stain across his chest. DIG Srivastava, who sees this happen in the mirrored wall, looks at him curiously.

84.

Arup feels his eyes, glances at the mirror behind the counter. He sets the glass down, pretends nothing is amiss. 110

EXT./INT. SANTRO - DAY THE STREETS OF KAROL BAGH

110

The streets are a mess of cars, two-wheelers and rickshaws stacked chaotically together. And as far as the eye can see, no parking spots to be had. Nitin keeps driving, getting further away from the jewelry store, until finally, he spots a car leaving. He screeches in before the other car has even managed to pull out completely. He steps out, begins the long trek back to the store. 111

INT. OFFICE, ADLAKHA JEWELLERS, KAROL BAGH - DAY

111

Adlakha leans forward. SUDHIR ADLAKHA What range are you looking in, Madam? MENAKA If I like it, the price is not important. SUDHIR ADLAKHA Of course, of course. A true connoisseur. Adlakha turns to his massive safe, as he dials in his combination. He door swings open. He pulls out TWO little, Tashi spots the matryoshka on the counter, shuts the safe and

shields it with his hand turns a HUGE KEY and the RED BOXES - by leaning a in the back - sets them spins the tumbler.

Menaka and Tashi exchange a look. Adlakha turns to them and opens the boxes. They’re both beautiful diamond-studded necklace-and-earring sets, set in gold and platinum. Menaka picks one up, puts it around her neck. MENAKA Oh, this is beautiful. She turns so Tashi can see it. He nods. SUDHIR ADLAKHA You can’t find better work than this, Madam. I guarantee it.

85.

MENAKA Do you have anklets to go with this? SUDHIR ADLAKHA Of course, Madam. He turns to his safe, goes through the whole rigmarole of opening it again. Tashi nods to Menaka, and as soon as the door opens, he’s up. Adlakha looks at him - Tashi, hand behind his back, grabs the gun tucked in his waistband, and pulls it out - or at least, he tries. The huge flowing robe has wrapped itself around his hand, leaving him stuck with his hand tangled in the fabric. Adlakha, sensing something amiss, begins to shut the safe Tashi jumps up on the table separating them and sticks a foot in the safe door. TASHI Fuck! (he finally manages to get his hand, and the gun, free) Get back. Adlakha looks at him in disbelief, at this man’s voice coming from under the burqa. Tashi puts the gun in Adlakha’s face. Get back.

TASHI (cont’d)

Adlakha slowly slides back. Tashi grabs the matryoshka from inside the safe. TASHI (cont’d) This is not a robbery. I’m taking what’s mine. Your money is outside. Tashi gives Menaka the gun, quickly opens the doll and checks it - it’s all there. He closes it back up. SUDHIR ADLAKHA You won’t get away with this. TASHI Don’t worry about me, you fucking thief.

86.

Gun still on Adlakha, Menaka tosses a ROLL OF PACKING TAPE to Tashi - in the split second that Tashi looks away, Adlakha bites his arm. Tashi yells, stifles his scream - Adlakha is still holding on with his teeth. Tashi punches him in the face with his free hand, rocking him back, then jumps up and kicks him. TASHI (cont’d) You fuck! You fucking motherfucking rat fuck! Hurry up!

MENAKA

TASHI I should fucking rob you! Tashi pulls off Adlakha’s SHOE, then his SOCK. It smells. Keeping it at arms length, Tashi rolls it up, puts it in front of Adlakha’s face. Open up.

TASHI (cont’d)

Adlakha purses his mouth shut and looks away. Without a second thought, Tashi punches him in the mouth, stuffs the sock in, and tapes it shut. Then he quickly tapes up Adlakha’s hands and feet. 112

INT. ADLAKHA JEWELLERS - DAY

112

Prerna walks up to DIG Srivastava, holding a box out for him, just as Menaka and Tashi exit the office behind her. Arup gets up, gently, to attract as little attention as he possibly can. Prerna sets the box on the counter in front of DIG Srivastava and opens it - it’s a beautiful gold necklace. DIG MOHAN SRIVASTAVA Oh, this is wonderful. More beautiful than I even imagined. Where is he? I must thank him personally. PRERNA I’ll find him. Tashi, Arup and Menaka slip out the front door.

87.

113

EXT. KAROL BAGH STREET - DAY

113

The three quickly put distance between themselves and the store, desperately scanning the street for the Santro. TASHI Walk, don’t run. The Santro is nowhere to be seen. ARUP Where the fuck is he? BEHIND THEM The Burly Guy sticks his head out of the shop door. BURLY GUY Hey, you! Stop! Run!

TASHI

The three sprint, as DIG Srivastava follows the Burly Man out the door. UP AHEAD Across the street, Nitin rounds the corner - he waves frantically to attract their attention. NITIN This way! Here! This way! They head towards him as quickly as the crowd milling around them will allow. Nitin waits for them - Tashi waves his hands at him. Run! 114

TASHI

EXT./INT. SANTRO - DAY SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD

114

Nitin is driving, as fast as he can in the little car. Arup is next to him. Tashi and Menaka are in the back. Menaka throws her veil back, and so does Tashi. They look at each other, sweaty faces framed by the black cloth. They smile, then crack up laughing. They hug, and somewhere during it all, Tashi kisses Menaka on the lips. She doesn’t stop him. The car stops at a RED LIGHT.

88.

115

EXT. CROSSING - DAY

115

An Opel Astra pulls up next to the Santro. Rajeev Khanna, Menaka’s soon-to-be ex-husband is at the wheel. He glances idly about, only to see his wife kissing, it seems, a woman in the car beside him. He’s amazed. The light changes. He follows the Santro. 116

EXT./INT. SANTRO - DAY SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD

116

Tashi and Menaka sit back, flushed. MENAKA So what was this all about? NITIN Save his wife. Suddenly the car is quiet, the only sound that of the air outside rushing past. TASHI She’s not my wife. NITIN Okay, wife-to-be. Fiancee. MENAKA You’re engaged? Tashi looks at her, looks away, out the window. 117

INT. WHITE AMBASSADOR - DAY SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD The Santro is visible from the Ambassador, and judging by the gear, this is an unmarked police vehicle. The POLICE DRIVER is on the radio. POLICE DRIVER Unit 47, we’re following a red Santro, robbery suspects on Ring Road. Request immediate back up. DISPATCHER (V.O.) Hold on, 47. Let me see what I can do. DIG SRIVASTAVA keeps his eyes on the Santro.

117

89.

118

INT. WHITE AMBASSADOR #2 - DAY SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD

118

This Ambassador is exactly like the one before, another unmarked police car. In the back is Manish Chand Jain, with his brother, Inspector General Phool Chand Jain. An unhappy Manish sits close to the door. His brother seems to have a permanent scowl hammered onto his face. PHOOL CHAND JAIN What was her name again? Leena.

MANISH CHAND JAIN

PHOOL CHAND JAIN Leena. When we get there, point her out to me and let me handle it. MANISH CHAND JAIN I think you should just warn them and let them go. PHOOL CHAND JAIN Oh, is that what the whore lover thinks? I’m going to drag those miserable, filthy, godless bastards to jail DISPATCHER (V.O.) All available units - robbery suspects, red Santro, DHL 6390, heading towards Dhaula Kuan. Request immediate backup. The driver looks back to Inspector General Jain. Let’s go!

PHOOL CHAND JAIN

POLICE DRIVER #2 Control, this is 94. We should be there in five minutes. 119

INT. ROOM 621, THE TAJ - DAY

119

Soniya is in a chair in the centre of the room - except it’s impossible to tell it’s her because there’s a brown paper bag over her head. Her hands are free, and she isn’t restrained in any other way. Her terror is enough to keep her in place. Bunty - with both arms in casts, each suspended from his neck like a huge, white L - Titoo, Brajesh and Vladimir are scattered about the room.

90.

Cowboy stands by Soniya, holding a carrot to her head. COWBOY I gave your boyfriend till one. He isn’t here. I have to do what I have to do. Please understand, this isn’t personal. The clock on the wall shows a quarter to one. Underneath her brown paper bag, Soniya begins to sob. COWBOY (cont’d) Who knows what might’ve been if you’d fallen in love with a different man. SONIYA No, please. Please wait. Just five minutes. He’ll be here. COWBOY I’m sorry. A deadline is a deadline. He presses the carrot harder into Soniya’s head, motions to Brajesh. He steps up, stations himself beside Soniya. Cowboy nods to him, and he blows up a PAPER BAG. 10. 9. 8 -

COWBOY (cont’d)

Brajesh waits, his hand poised over the inflated bag. 7. 6. 5 -

COWBOY (cont’d)

Soniya, whose sobbing has been quickly getting louder, jumps up and runs, blindly - straight into a closet door. She falls back to the floor as if poleaxed, out cold. Brajesh is still poised over his inflated paper bag. The room is hysterical. COWBOY (cont’d) Man, fuck! Did you see that? BUNTY We should wake her up, try it again. You think?

COWBOY

91.

BUNTY What the hell, we got ten minutes to kill. Cowboy thinks, barely a second. Alright.

COWBOY

Pildysh, sitting on the bed, shakes his head. 120

INT. LOBBY, THE TAJ - DAY

120

Tashi adjusts the MESSENGER BAG with the matryoshka around his shoulders, turns to the others. TASHI You guys wait here. I’ll be back. They look at him, uncertain. Okay.

NITIN

Arup shakes his head. ARUP I’m coming with you. TASHI You don’t have to. This is my problem. ARUP I’m coming with you. Tashi says nothing. Oh man.

NITIN

TASHI (to Menaka) Will you wait here? We’ll be back soon. NITIN We’re hoping. MENAKA I’ll think about it. Tashi and Arup turn to go. Nitin follows them. TASHI Where are you going?

92.

NITIN (unhappy) Where do you think? 121

INT. ROOM 621, THE TAJ - DAY

121

Everything is back where it started - Soniya in the chair, bag over her head, carrot at her temple. She’s cries as Cowboy counts down. 5. 4. 3 -

COWBOY

There’s a knock on the door, then another, louder. Cowboy looks to the door, then slams his carrot to the floor in frustration. Fuck!

COWBOY (cont’d)

He nods to Brajesh to open the door. 122

INT. CORRIDOR, THE TAJ

122

The corridor is deserted except for Tashi, Arup and Nitin. The door to room 621 opens, just enough for Brajesh to manoeuver his head out. He looks up and down the corridor, motions the three in. They step in, Brajesh hangs a ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign on the handle and shuts the door. In an instant, DIG Mohan Srivastava, IG Phool Chand Jain and their drivers step into the ‘deserted’ corridor. There’s a nervous looking HOSPITALITY TYPE with them, in an ill-fitting suit. The five sidle towards the door, guns drawn. The Hospitality Type looks at the room number, takes a BUNCH OF KEYS from his pocket. He picks one, holds the bunch out - Jain’s driver takes it from him. 123

INT. ROOM 621, THE TAJ - DAY

123

Like possibly every hotel room on the planet, room 621 has a small, narrow corridor from the door that opens out into the rest of the room. Brajesh locks the door behind them, and steps into the room, leaving the three stranded in this no-man’s land.

93.

Tashi looks at Soniya with the brown paper bag over her head. Cowboy looks at the clock on the wall. There’s still a minute to one. He holds his hand out. COWBOY Let’s see it. TASHI Let her go first. COWBOY I’m not asking you. I’m telling you. Arup and Nitin flank Tashi, both a step behind him. Nitin is already on the edge of frantic. NITIN (whispers) Man, don’t fuck around. Tashi takes the matryoshka out of his bag, but he makes no move to hand it over. TASHI Let her go. Soniya, who had stopped crying, has begun sniffling again, and that only brings on a bout of hiccups. COWBOY (to Soniya) Shut up! TASHI We’re going to walk out of here, all four of us. You come down to the lobby, and that’s where I’ll give this (he shakes the matryoshka at Cowboy) to you. NITIN (whispers) What’re you doing, man? Cowboy is chillingly calm. COWBOY That’s how you think it’ll happen? Let me tell you how it’ll happen. Cowboy pulls out his gun, and puts it to Soniya’s head.

94.

COWBOY (cont’d) First I’ll kill her. Soniya gets hysterical. No,

SONIYA

(hiccup) no! Please, please! Tashi, give him what he wants! Please (hiccup ) give him what he (hiccup) wants! Cowboy keeps the gun trained on her. COWBOY Then I’ll finish the three of you, and take back what’s mine. So if you keep fucking around, why do you think I won’t do it my way? Except for Soniya, the room is deathly silent. The SOUND of a TV floats in from some other room. Tashi looks Cowboy straight in the eyes, and half a breath later, he too has a gun in his hand, pointed at Cowboy’s head. Tashi is like rock, barely a flicker across his face, the gun steady in his hand. There’s the SOUND of SKIN SLAPPING METAL as Brajesh and Titoo pull their guns out. Bunty would’ve done the same except it’s impossible with two broken arms. Pildysh has disappeared, maybe under a bed. NITIN Oh man, oh man. Oh fuck. Arup picks up a SMALL VASE off a SIDE TABLE. 124

INT. CORRIDOR, THE TAJ

124

Jain’s driver gently inserts the key into the door lock it doesn’t turn. He pulls it out, careful not to make a sound. He looks to the Hospitality Guy, who steps forward, flustered. He picks out another key. This one fits. Jain waves the man away. 125

INT. ROOM 621, THE TAJ Cowboy can’t believe it.

125

95.

COWBOY You’re pulling a gun on me? AT THE DOOR The door knob turns silently, and the door opens up a crack. COWBOY (cont’d) You motherfucker, you know how long I’ve been doing this? You know how good I am at this? You think this is all it takes to fuck me over, holding a gun to my head? The door opens, Jain and Srivastava step in, guns drawn. PHOOL CHAND JAIN Police. Nobody move. COWBOY You motherfucker! Cowboy swings his gun around from Soniya’s head, but before he can bring it to bear, Tashi hurls the matryoshka at him. It bounces off Cowboy’s head and knocks him back. Tashi dives forward and pulls Soniya off the chair, to the floor. He rolls under the bed with her. And then the shooting starts. 126

INT. ROOM, THE TAJ

126

Frank and Louise Eggen settle down in their chairs as the GUY FROM ROOMSERVICE pours some RED WINE for them. He gives Louise a glass, and extends the other to Frank, when a BULLET punches through the wall, smashes through the bottle of wine and destroys a mirror. The three of them dive to the floor. For the next minute or so, the room sounds like a war zone, as bullets blow chunks out of walls and destroy the room around them. When it finally quietens down, Frank slowly raises his head. FRANK EGGEN What is this, the wild east? 127

INT. ROOM 621, THE TAJ The room is choked with smoke and dust, and whatever happened has left no one standing.

127

96.

The walls are splattered with blood and peppered with holes. Agonized groans float up. Cowboy is propped up against a wall, staring - then the CAMERA flips and we realize he’s upside down, dead. Pildysh slowly gets out from under the bed, and with his little overnight bag, tip-toes out from the carnage. Tashi, still on the floor, on top of Soniya, slowly rolls off and pulls the bag off her head. Her eyes flutter open, and before she can get hysterical, Tashi puts a finger on her lips. He puts a calming hand on her forehead, looks around carefully before helping her get up. In a different corner of the room, Arup struggles to his feet, the vase still in his hand, undamaged. Phool Chand Jain, his back to Arup, slowly, painfully begins to gather himself off the floor. There’s a DEEP RED PATCH across his behind. With a blood curdling YELL, Arup jumps up to him, and brings the vase crashing down on his head - Phool Chand collapses back to the floor, senseless. Across the room, Tashi stands frozen, unsure - Nitin emerges from behind a dresser, something cradled in his arm - it’s the matryoshka. Nitin grins, tosses it to Arup. Arup, of course, has the reflexes of a slug. The matryoshka ricochets off his head, smashes through the window and tumbles six stories down. Arup tosses the remains of the vase out after it. 128

EXT. ENTRANCE, THE TAJ

128

Manish Chand Jain stands next to the car, waiting, when the matryoshka, with all the force of six stories of flight, smashes into his head and sends him sprawling headlong into the flower beds. A second later, whatever’s left of the vase smashes to smithereens on the pavement. 129

INT. LOBBY, THE TAJ - DAY Flipping idly through a MAGAZINE, Menaka senses someone. She looks up - it’s Rajeev. RAJEEV KHANNA So they’re right - you are a lesbo. I should’ve known.

129

97.

MENAKA What’re you talking about? RAJEEV KHANNA I saw you. I saw you kissing that woman. MENAKA What’re you doing, following me around? Menaka walks away from him. Rajeev follows her. RAJEEV KHANNA So you’re not going to deny it? He grabs her arm - Menaka pulls it away. RAJEEV KHANNA (cont’d) Who was she? Who were you kissing? Me.

TASHI (O.S.)

Rajeev turns - Tashi, Arup, Nitin and Soniya stand before him, blood-splattered and bleeding. TASHI (cont’d) She was kissing me. You don’t approve? Rajeev takes a good look at them - then steps aside. They walk past him, Menaka with them. Soniya, dazed, but not enough, turns to Tashi. SONIYA She was kissing you? Tashi says nothing - Soniya, suddenly a wilting flower no more, punches him in the mouth. Tashi reels back. When he recovers, he walks back and slugs Rajeev. 130

INT. ROOM, UPSTAIRS - DAY A FEW DAYS LATER

130

Keval Maharaj sits pressed against the wall, beating out a rhythm on his knee, as his musicians, lined up against another wall, tune up. They’re all covered in bandages. There’s a GAPING HOLE in the floor, and Keval Maharaj spots Tashi in the living room below. Tashi holds up the CUP OF TEA in his hand to acknowledge Keval Maharaj. He nods in return. The CAMERA drops down through the hole in the floor -

98.

131

INT. LIVING ROOM, HOME

131

- and follows Tashi out to the balcony. 132

EXT. BALCONY, HOME - DAY Arup turns over the NEWSPAPER that he’s reading - a huge headline says “SMUGGLING RING BUSTED”, and below it, the byline ‘Tashi Dorjee Lhatoo’. Arup throws the paper down. ARUP It’s well written. TASHI Did you say it’s brilliantly written? ARUP I said are you sure they can’t trace that fucking car back to us? TASHI No. It’s in my father-in-law’s name, he reported it stolen, so that should cover our asses. ARUP He’s not your father-in-law. TASHI Yeah, yeah. Nitin drags on his cigarette. NITIN So Soniya called the wedding off. Tashi sips his tea. No. I did.

TASHI

NITIN You called it off? TASHI Yeah. I did. NITIN You called it off? He called it off? TASHI Yes. I did. I’m going to tell Menaka I called my wedding off because I love her.

132

99.

NITIN You love Menaka now? ARUP What does she have to say? TASHI She doesn’t want to see me. NITIN So you don’t care if I ask Soniya out for dinner, right? Because, I tell you man, that girl is hot. TASHI What the hell? My wounds are still fresh. NITIN Your wounds. Tashi takes his cigarette back from him. TASHI Are you done with my shirt? NITIN It’s in my cupboard. TASHI Did you wash it? Yeah.

NITIN

As Tashi disappears inside, Nitin looks to Arup, shakes his head no. NITIN (cont’d) Did you call him up - your art director, what’s his name? ARUP I’m done with that crap. I’m moving back home. Why?

NITIN

ARUP I can’t make the fucking rent, that’s why. TASHI (O.S.) Hey! Hey! What the fuck! What the fuck is this? The two rush inside.

100.

133

INT. BEDROOM

133

The cupboard is stacked full of PLASTIC BAGS, all of them crammed with money. 134

INT. OFFICE, ADLAKHA JEWELLERS, KAROL BAGH - DAY

134

Sudhir Adlakha quickly unzips the MONEY BAG the boys left behind for him - it’s stuffed to the brim with newspaper. He sticks his hand inside. It comes up with a BRICK. 135

INT. BEDROOM

135

Tashi and Arup look at Nitin. TASHI You crazy bastard. NITIN Don’t look at me. It’s the hand of god. And the CAMERA pulls out of there, and drops down, out into the street 136

EXT. MANISH CHAND JAIN’S MAILBOX - DAY

136

- where Manish Chand is picking up his mail at the front gate. He flips through the various envelopes, until he comes to a familiar looking manila envelope. He scurries back in. 137

INT. BATHROOM, MANISH CHAND’S HOUSE

137

With a FAUCET running into a bucket, Manish pulls out the contents of the envelope. There’s just a SHEET with a message, and a small plastic bottle, the kind that film is shipped in. Manish looks at the note - it says: ‘This is all I have. Forget this ever happened. Take care, have a good life.’ He opens the plastic bottle, pulls out the negative and holds it up to the light - it’s Leena and him in various positions. He turns to flush it down the toilet, hesitates - who knows what goes through his head, but he drops it back into its plastic case and puts it in his pocket.

101.

138

INT. LIVING ROOM

138

Manish walks in, scrubbed and radiant in his evening clothes. Anjali, already dressed, is waiting for him, with their two children, VISHAL, 5, and PRATEEK, who’s about eighteen months. Prateek is busy banging SOMETHING on the floor - that Something comes apart. Manish takes it from him - it’s the matryoshka. MANISH CHAND JAIN You broke it? (yells) Anjali - will you get me the Fevicol? 139

INT. LIVING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER

139

Manish carefully coats the seam of the two outer halves of the matryoshka with glue. He presses them together, sealing them shut. He puts it back on the mantelpiece, picks the baby up and heads out. 140

EXT. STREET - DAY Everybody clambers onto the Vespa. ANJALI JAIN Vishal, did you show daddy the card you made for tauji? MANISH CHAND JAIN You made a card for tauji? Let me see. Vishal shyly hands over a CARD to his father. MANISH CHAND JAIN (cont’d) Beta, this is lovely. It’ll make him better immediately. Read it to me - what does it say? VISHAL Dear uncle, we are all very sorry that bullet hit your backside. We hope you will soon be able to go potty on your own.

140

102.

ANJALI JAIN Show me that - is that what it says? (to Manish) Can he say this? Manish thinks. MANISH CHAND JAIN Yeah, sure. (to Vishal) Beta, it should be a bullet hit your backside. We are all very sorry a bullet hit your backside. Ready? The loaded Vespa - Anjali in the back, holding the baby, Vishal standing in front holding onto the handle, and Manish balancing the whole caravan with every trembling muscle - pulls out into the street, crosses a DILAPIDATED FIAT pulling in and disappears into the traffic. The Fiat parks. Menaka steps out, looks up to the balcony and spots Tashi, Arup and Nitin. A second later, Tashi is beside her. Menaka holds a HUBCAP and a MANILA ENVELOPE out to him. TASHI I don’t have that car anymore. He tosses the hubcap, opens the envelope - it’s VJ Sushma’s autographed photo that Menaka rescued from the trash. TASHI (cont’d) The magic photo. This is yours. MENAKA No. Bye, Tashi. She opens her car door, gets inside. Tashi stands rooted, photo in hand. Menaka starts her engine - her radio comes on. It’s VJ Sushma. Menaka begins to slowly reverse out. VJ SUSHMA (V.O.) (on radio) I hate you, like I love you, but I love you like I hate you. And then the drums come in. Something snaps in Tashi - he runs, jumps in through the driver’s window and kisses Menaka.

103.

He half hangs out as the Fiat continues to reverse - and it would’ve rolled into traffic, except it smacks into Nitin’s parked Vespa, knocks it over, runs over it and stops. From the balcony Arup and Nitin watch. NITIN Bastard! You’re going to pay for that! Tashi scrambles into the car and now they really kiss. The camera pulls away - the CREDITS roll over VJ Sushma’s music video. She goes through at least 20 costume changes. FADE OUT.