BA S IC CHICK W HIS PE R ING – QUICK R E F E R E NCE G UID E
G EN ER AL C ON C EP T S Overarching Principle: Women are going to be subtle and they will always be about communicating, feeling and relating. I was just thinking...Never mind. -- Spoke before thinking, afraid of looking foolish or being inappropriate. What are you thinking about? -- Interested in conversation rather than silence. Tell me a secret! -- Slightly bored with the moment. Wants to know you in more depth. I want a man who can protect me. -- She wants a man who makes her feel safe at all levels. I want a man who is a provider. -- Again, a safety concern. She wants to be freed up to be the nurturer rather than the hunter. I'll be ready in a minute. -- Women think men are impatient. She'll tell you this to keep you satisfied when you rush her. Just be yourself. attractive.
-- “Don't be fake.” But "being yourself" is only valid if your "self" is
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I N S EC U R I T Y ( I n cl u din g R e l a t ion s hip S a b ot a g e ) Overarching Principle: Women crave security. Will you be the guy who gives them the feeling of safety they need? Do you think she's pretty? -- She wants to know you find her more attractive than other women. Do you think she's prettier than me? -- More direct iteration of the above. Possibly a test of potential fidelity. Which of my friends is the hottest? -- She wants to avoid humiliation at the hands of her own friends. Which of my friends would you most like to date/have sex with? -- Similar to above, again with the test of potential fidelity as a twist. Are you dating other women? -- Women can handle the truth, and want it. How many women have you slept with? -- This is a function of pure curiosity, and there are no right answers. "Inexperience" trumps "man-whore" with women most every time, though. How many women are you dating now? -- Again, pure curiosity. She wants to know how deep the competition is. How many women have you dated? -- A direct answer to this slippery question may cause her to read too much into your overall sexual experience...unfairly. When was the last time you had sex? -- A VERY bold question that is way too personal. How much money do you make? -- She wants to know if you are a provider, but this is an inappropriate question. Do I look fat in these jeans? -- Looking for validation of her physical attractiveness. Also a measure of your trustworthiness. Be honest with me. -- “Tell me what I want to hear.” She may also genuinely need more indication that she can trust you. We need to be open with each other. -- “You need to be open with ME so I can satisfy my curiosity.” She may also want to take things to a deeper level.
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How was sex with your previous girlfriend? Was it better or worse? -- Trick question that will invariably ensnare you in a myriad of ways. How was your previous relationship? Tell me about it. -- She wants to know you respect women and don't leave a trail of broken hearts. What do you really like about me? -- Wants reassurance that she's attractive, etc. Are you a player? -- She may interpret anyone who dates multiple women as a "player", but what she really wants to know is if you sleep around. Are you out to use her? Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend? -- This question is a trap. If you can answer "no" honestly, you should immediately pose the same question to her. All men are dogs! -- Indicative of an unhealthy view of men. A red flag. She has been repeatedly done wrong, and now expects it. All men are the same! -- Also indicative of an unhealthy view of men. But what she really wants to know is if you’re different. Do you love me? -- She's looking for esteem and intimacy. Do not let your vision of "love" be cheapened by dropping the "L" word too quickly. You don't love me! -- An insidious way to get the "L" word from a guy, or to manipulate in the context of an existing LTR. Indicative of immature social skills. I'm sorry (over and over). -- Poor self esteem. Should be dealt with directly and not tolerated. How come I never see you on weekends? -- She is wise to being a lower-priority in your life than other women. How come you don't call me everyday? -- She wants to go into "relationship mode", and is frustrated that you aren't moving in that direction. Do you watch porn? -- Ask her opinion on porn before answering. How much do you drink? -- Alcoholism is a MAJOR fear to women. Ask if she grew up with an alcoholic in the house, and take that into consideration. Will you still respect me in the morning? -- She wants a relationship, not casual sex.
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I should go. -- Either "this is awkward" or "I'm getting hot", depending on the situation. She's running away from emotion, one way or the other. I hate competing for you. -- She is concerned about losing you to another woman, but all the while knows you are in-demand and worth competing for.
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N ON - AT T R AC T I ON Overarching Principle: Women are non-confrontational and do not want to hurt your feelings. Maybe. Call me before you pick me up. (any 'maybe', actually) -- Women find telling you "no" an open door to unwanted confrontation. I don't know...let me check my schedule and get back to you. -- Same as above. If she's interested, she'll check that schedule now. I don't know you well enough yet. -- You have not inspired confidence in her yet at best, and have not succeeded at attracting her at worst. I have a boyfriend. Sorry. -- Easy way to fend off interest. Not to be confused with "I have a boyfriend. Keep talking to me." I'm not ready for a relationship. specifically.
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She isn't sure about continuing things with you
I'm focusing on my career/kids right now. -- Another easy out from hurting your feelings. I just want to be friends. -- ‘Failure To Deploy’ when it comes to attraction. You are neuter to her. I need space. -- You have been too needy/clingy. She's losing attraction. I like you, but... -- Only listen to what comes after "but". Is this a date? -- She may like you, but is uncomfortable moving towards something romantic. This is a tricky one, because sometimes she’s looking for validation that it IS a date. Awww...you're such a NICE guy. -- She's not "feeling it". Likely because you have come off as a neuter "friend". You're like a brother to me. -- A brilliant device for utterly squelching your romantic interest. Moves any such thought into the ‘incest’ category. I have a headache. -- Could be taken at face value, but she is sexually uninterested. She may just want you to stop pushing so much sexually all the time.
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Just give me your number instead. -- Deflecting interest without telling you directly. You're making me nervous/creeped/ewwww! -- You've completely repulsed her and it's time to move on. There’s zero chance of recovery. I can't accept this gift from you. -- She doesn't want to feel beholden to you. She believes you like her too much. Or, she's a selfish person who feels guilty accepting gifts. NO. -- Either "NO", or "Not right now". To be respected regardless. Not always to be interpreted as “keep trying harder”. In your dreams... -- Not only is she disinterested, but you have behaved in a way that leads her to reciprocate with direct rudeness or even flat-out disrespect. I'll do it (whatever it is) myself, thank you. -- Not beholden to you. Possibly resentful of men in general. I've got to get up early in the morning. -- Wanting to avoid sexual pressure for now. Does your friend have a girlfriend? -- You have failed to attract her, but your friend has succeeded. Time to go back to the drawing board if you hear this often.
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AT T R AC T I ON Overarching Principle: Appearing "forward" is a social taboo. Women are curious but not overt. Do you have a girlfriend? -- Blatant check for availability. To be taken as interest at all times. Why are you single? -- She is straight-up blown away by your level of desirability. I have a boyfriend. Come over later. -- Contrast with "I have a boyfriend, sorry." She wants you, and believes she is offering evidence of social proof. You read my mind. -- She's very impressed with you in general. She feels the rapport and a definite connection. When is the REAL version of you going to jump out? -- She believes you are too good to be true. Respond directly with displeasure--she should feel she deserves good things in her life. Are you gay? -- Either you are coming off as feminine, you have wussed out vis-à-vis her direct hints that she's attracted, or you're ‘too good to be true’. Do you have a girlfriend/wife you aren't telling me about? -- Once again, the ‘too good to be true’ factor. Don't even think about touching me or kissing me. -- She will not kowtow to sex-focused men. Not to be confused with frigidity. I'm not that kind of girl. -- She is very sensitive about appearing slutty or ‘easy’. I only believe in sex after marriage -- This is to be respected...even if she weakens later. Decide if you are in line with her on this or not before proceeding with her. This is starting to scare me. -- She is starting to get really sexually attracted, and she genuinely doesn't express that much. This indicates tremendous attraction skill on your part. We shouldn't be doing this. -- Again, she is sexually attracted in a way she may not indulge very often. She may want your reassurance that you won't think less of her if she is physical with you.
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You're such a tease. -- You are taking WAY too long to "deploy". She has been ready for ages. How long are you going to make me wait? -- She's warmed up and ready for you…waiting for you to make a sexual move on her. This is a clear indicator. Gasp... (especially with a moan). -- You have ignited this woman sexually as a man should. She has surrendered to your sexual will. Purring or ANY feline inflection. -- Again, you have brought out her most feminine side. She is feeling like a real woman and wants to make you feel like a man. Good stuff. You can't handle me. -- Usually a playful sign that she's ready for action, although it could be a rather rude form of rejection in a different context. Take me. -- If you don't progress things sexually at this point, she'll take it as rejection. You're so mean. -- She likes every bit of what you're doing. May be accompanied by a playful slap. How long do you think people should date before getting married? -- She is falling in love and already thinking long term. Do you want to have kids? -- She's testing your long-term ‘family man’ potential. She may not want babies right now, but the thought is crossing her mind. When are you going to make me your girlfriend? exclusivity. An honest answer will suffice here.
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She is impatient with lack of
When can I meet your friends/parents/kids? -- In her mind, meeting those who are important to you moves things toward a serious relationships and shows her you are unashamed of her...and not dating someone else. You're AMAZING. -- The ultimate expression of overall attraction. You can call your shots with a woman who tells you this.
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U PS ET Overarching Principle: Women are often ruled by emotion, and look to a great man to ensure and/or restore stability. We need to talk. -- She's troubled about something. By the way, "we need" = "I need". What's wrong? Nothing. -- Something is wrong. She is forming thoughts and very wary of saying something she'll regret. Why can't you be like [Mr. X]? -- She perceives deficiencies in you that she sees in other guys, and is frustrated by your behavior at the moment. A danger sign that she feels she may be ‘settling’. Fine. -- If you proceed with your plan, she'll be hurt by it. Leave me alone. -- Counter-intuitively, she probably wants you to hug her. She wants to know you do so without her having to ask. I don't know. -- Avoiding potentially uncomfortable conversation. Do whatever you want...whatever. -- She's upset by your plans or actions, but is more troubled by the concept of confrontation at the moment. There WILL be further discussion later if you proceed. I don't THINK so. -- Very up-front declaration of displeasure. Throws stuff/violence (Godfather scene) -- She feels violated to the point of helplessness. There is never a valid excuse for this behavior. You make me cry. -- Perhaps accompanied by actual crying on the spot. Possible emotional manipulation, or you have simply caused a very deep emotional reaction. Stand by honesty here, but do avoid hurting her gratuitously. Remain true to your manhood. Slammed doors, silence. -- Violated, extremely disappointed, rejected, and/or exasperated. I’m pregnant. – To be considered in context. Is she upset at you, does she think she’s losing you, or have you just broken up? Or is the relationship otherwise healthy?
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T ES T S OF YOU R MAN H OOD Overarching Principle: Your masculinity and confidence are important women...enough so that they have every right NOT to simply take your word for it.
to
Minor (Reasonable And Expected)
Can you help me with this? (Can you do this for me?) -- Can she get you to do all of her unpleasant tasks for her? Can she control your actions? I'm out of ideas for dinner. -- She's not interested in cooking tonight. She wants either to go out for dinner or have you cook. We're out of... -- “Go get some, please, since I'm busy.” Indirect statements (Daddy's going to change your diaper) -- She wants you to do something, and isn't interested in discussion about it. This is a warning sign of disrespect and possibly becoming p-whipped. Are you going to (the other room/store)? -- “Will you go to the other room/store for me?” Answer honestly. She may intimidated by asking you for simple favors, which means you have to work on building security. Where are you taking me on the date? -- She wants to know every detail when in all honesty she'll be more impressed if you tantalize her a bit. Caveat: Some women do indeed require ‘full disclosure’ due to past experiences. You know you love me anyway... -- She is pushing the envelope with regard to testing what she can get away with. Have you ever been in jail/arrested/etc.? -- This is a reasonable question which should be answered honestly.
M aj o r ( P o t e n t ial l y I n d ic at ive O f P e r so n al it y I ssu e s)
Here hold my purse. -- If you do, you're whipped...100%. She will lose all respect.
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I think Mr. X. is SOOOOOOO hot. -- You are being disrespected openly. Imagine if you got whiplash staring at women in public...same thing. He and I are just REALLY, REALLY good friends. -- This is a manipulation tactic and you are being taken for a ride. Any suspicions you have are likely accurate and reasonable. All my other friends’ boyfriends are [insert]. -- Another manipulative tactic to get you to fall in line. Often used by teenagers to get their parents to buy them stuff and/or be more lenient. Women don't like [guys like you, whatever it is]. -- Rude, unnecessary assault on a man's self-esteem. Not to be taken as universal truth...ever. I really like [this thing]...it's so beautiful. -- Warning sign that she is using you for an ATM. I want...Puh--leeeeze! -- Manipulation by emotion to get whatever she wants from you. Give in and she'll lose respect for you. I love sex (blatant sexual reference, especially early) -- This is a test to see where you fall on Maslow's Hierarchy under ‘sexuality needs’. Respond too enthusiastically and lose.
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