Date! (A3) On the Date (27)
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DATE! DA TE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3
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DATE! DA TE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3
DATE! DA TE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE CO URSE Copyright 2012 Love Systems, Inc. All Rights Reserved
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3
CHAPTER 1 – ON THE DATE In this chapter (click each one to go directly to that section): •
EMOTIONAL PROGRESSION
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CONVERSATION
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TOUCHING
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KISSING
Now you know how to plan and prepare for a date effectively. This chapter will build on the previous section of the course by focusing on what to do on the actual date. The chapters on preparing, planning, and mindsets gave you the road map; now you can start driving.
EMOTIONAL PROGRESSION Although you are in the comfort phase of the Emotional Progression Model during a date, you can’t expect to launch straight into deep conversations.
Emotional momentum applies here as well. A woman may love you when you get her number or talk on the phone, but after a few days apart you’ll have to reignite her attraction.
DATES START WITH ATTRACTION You ca n re -sp ar k at tra cti on on a dat e in man y way s, but th e bas ic fo rm for a date is ca lled “w ar m and fuzzy” or “intrigue” based attraction. You can show this by telling a story from your day that has embedded attraction switches or creating a role-play to come back to throughout the date.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 Intrigue-based attraction a. Definition: She is intrigued by talking to you - you have an uncanny understanding of her and other people around her.
b. Done by: Cold reading, IVDs (Interactive Value Demonstrations), storytelling c. Emphasis on: Social intuition and showing dominance over her world d. Characteristically: You tal k ab out her, oth ers , an d your uniqu e exper ie nces . Th e focus is on intriguing her.
e. Drawbacks: Can feel contrived as it relies on cold reads, palm reads and often constructed methods of impressing a woman, etc. It is often not appropriate or practical in many high energy situations.
“Warm and Fuzzy” attraction a. Definition: She sees you as an authentic and real person with integrity and a well rounded personality.
b. Done by: Storytelling about family, friends, your childhood, and vulnerabilities. The infamous “holes in jeans” routine is a good example of this.
c. Emphasis on: Protector of loved ones, willingness to emote, moving life stories d. Characteristically: You talk about yourself, your family, and your experiences. e. Drawbacks: Too much of this and you can become boring or one dimensional.
You r st ory sh ould be down-t o- ear th an d re al , on ly sp ri nkl in g in bit s of at tra cti on as th e pepper, not the steak. Show her that you have interesting things going on in your everyday life. At the same time, don’t underestimate what events can make for a good story. Ease her into the date and save your wilder stories for later in the evening. She doesn’t expect heroics from you, but she does want some insight into your life.
A sound role-play at the beginning of the date can set up the evening as fun and casual. This is buying temperature attraction at work. A classic role-play for a date is the reverse date role-play:
“This is going to be a really fun night but you have to pinky swear that you won’t try to turn it into a Hollywood style, all sappy and romantic one on me. I don’t know if I can handle an awkward kiss on the doorstep at the end of the night.”
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 Buying Temperature a. Definition: Her state is increased by being around you. b. Done by: Teasing, humor, role-plays, cocky/funny, misinterpretation, games, kino escalation and dominance, Braddock style funny disqualification, etc.
c. Emphasis on: Humor (particularly push/pull), pre-selection, dominance d. Characteristically: You don’t have to talk about yourself at all - the focus is on fun. e. Drawbacks: This type of attraction is transferable and can be lost easily if you lose momentum. You can also become a dancing monkey or com e across as reaction seeking.
This role-play conveys that you will be chill on the date (and that you expect the same from her) and you aren’t taking it too seriously, and it even hints that you know better than to wait until the end of the date to kiss her. You will have planted all of the seeds of a good date in two sentences.
Another fun tease to start off a date is to thank her for taking you on the date. Of course, you were the one who asked her out, but the role reversal allows you to frame her as chasing you in a playful manner. You can continue to thank her when you pay for something or show her something cool, just don’t overdo it.
The only time you shouldn’t be too bothered with attraction is when you have previously slept with a woman. By that point, in theory, the comfort phase is over and she likely will have backward rationalized her attraction to you. You’ll be more friends than strangers.
Complete “Exercise 35 - Re-spark Attraction” in the workbook.
QUALIFICATION: THE CRUCIAL STEP Qualifying takes the guesswork out of the first date for her. When she knows your character and intentions she’ll let you escalate faster. To do this, she must know that you see her unique qualities and that you find her irresistible based on them. “Unique” should rely on internal qualities, not physical ones.
It’s essential that you have highlighted what your preferences are before going on dates. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, you won’t know when you find it.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 Don’t be too rigid here. It’s important to keep an open mind when dating. You can meet some amazing women who can alter your preferences. It’s also highly likely that your desires will change with time and experience.
We also emphasis that this list is for a sexual relationship because a lot of men write down a ton of qualities for long-term relationships with very few of them relating to passion and sex. If you’re not screening fo r it you certainly won’t find it. With out that energy, there is no chemistry, and without chemistry relationships die.
Examples: 1. She is comfortable with her sexuality and expressive with it once she’s comfortable with you. 2. She enjoys sex and has a deviant side. (Analarmingnumberofwomenhavehadterrible,eventraumatic,sexualexperiences,beit abuse orquitesimplybadsex.Theseexperiencescandamageherabilityto relaxandenjoy sex...somethingyouhavetoconsiderbeforearelationship.) 3. She’s a generous and conscientious lover in the bedroom.
These are just examples. Feel free to add them to your list if they’re important to you.
Complete “Exercise 36 - Qualifying Her” in the workbook. How does the quality manifest in a woman? It’s not enough just to highlight what you’re looking for. You must be able to identify it in a woman.
Let’s use the examples above and see what they may look like in the female form. Bear in mind that you will discover or screen for certain qualities at certain times, and as a general rule the more sexual the screening, the later in the date you’ll apply it (certainly after you have reestablished attraction and a degree of comfort).
1. She is comfortable with her sexuality and expressive with it once she’s comfortable with you. •
She is very feminine and dresses stylishly and sexy.
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She responds well to me leading.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 •
She is physical and tactile.
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She is flirty and knows how to use her sexuality to get what she wants (this can be a threat to many guys, but a lot of fun for y ou if you know how to work with her sexuality).
2. She enjoys sex and has a deviant side. •
She enjoys my touch when I escalate to romantic touching.
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She plays along with my sexual role-plays.
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She doesn’t flinch when I use medium/large sexual hoops.
3. She’s a generous and conscientious lover in the bedroom. •
She challenges me when I tease her about being the “star fish girl” in the bedroom and qualifies herself out of it.
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She gives an awesome hand/shoulder massage.
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She demonstrates a knowledge and understanding of how to please her partner and a desire to act on it.
Qualification never ends, so you should restart it at the beginning of your date.
Complete “Exercise 37 - Recognizing Qualification” in the workbook.
COMFORT Dating is the act of building comfort in different locations. A woman will not sleep with you unless she feels a genuine sense of connection (comfort), trust, and intimacy. For this reason, comfort is the longest phase prior to seduction.
Below are six of the seven tenets of comfort that you want to use. These come from Future’s Breakthrough Comfort seminar and they are extremely powerful. Notice how some of these tenets may take multiple dates.
1. Passion/Purpose •
A woman wants to be brought into a life that’s more interesting than her own. A man with a passion and purpose always has an interesting life. Convey yours.
Show her that you are driven to pursue your life goals and do so without any sort of hesitation. In fact, regale her with how your purpose has driven you to become
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 pre-selected by women, gain status, and command respect from those around you as you help them. •
Women are biologically predisposed to help a man achieve his goals. This happens because a female whose partner is successful can often provide better for her and her offspring. From an evolutionary prospective, helping you helps her and helps you r children.
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Every man should have at least one major “thing” in life. This purpose may be as simple as volunteering at a soup kitchen on Sundays to building a multi-million dollar internet empire. If you exude passion for your purpose, that verve will pass on to your date and create more attraction. The beauty of this is that as your purpose becomes clearer to her she will begin to envision herself as a part of it. She will be riding the rollercoaster that is you. Purpose is the glue that will keep her attracted to you for the long-term. A woman likes a man with a plan. If you can’t define your purpose, start looking for it.
2. See Her the Way She Wants to Be Seen •
Every woman, like every man, has a purpose that she strives to achieve. There is a reason why she does what she does or doesn’t do what she wants to. Find out her greatest goal in life. (This may take some work.) People want to be viewed as how they see themselves in their best light. If you understand her purpose you can give her the most amazing compliments she has ever heard. She needs to feel that you see her as the person that little girl inside her yearns to be.
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By doing this you create a major sense of connection between you. A man who understands a woman’s drive frees her to pursue her dreams. Having this strength behind her gives her a feeling of security to fall back on. She can take the necessary risks to achieve her goals knowing that you are her rock.
3. Hot/Cold Behavior •
Hot/Cold is a form of push/pull attraction that creates intense feelings. The “hot” portion (see her as she wants to be seen) generates a great pull toward you. She receives positive feelings of attachment and connection with you when pulled in.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 The “cold” portion is a slightpush away and it is to be done playfully. This usually comes in the form of an innocent tease. Ex: “... too bad you’re such a brat.” By combining the cold with the hot you create cognitive dissonance (pushing and pulling in her brain) or, in other words, when her brain tries to compute what you’ve said it can’t figure out whether you like her or not. When cognitive dissonance occurs the brain seeks to solve it; thus, she chases you harder to get a complete answer.
4. Future Projections •
These are easy. Simply make plans or probable plans for the future with her (these are different than FAPs). The more realistic these plans are, the more real your connection will become. Make real plans, not silly, fictitious ones. If she can see the two of y ou together at a later date, it bridges the current comfort gap between the two of you. Think about it: if you have your second night together on your “first night” out, she will be more likely to wave her “rule” of no sex on the first date.
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This is different from future adventure projections, which are silly and light-hearted. These are plans that you are making with her anytime from a week to a year down the road that show her that you are a man of action and she can come along if she wishes.
5. Emotional Honesty •
This tenet ties into future projections. You must follow up on your word and your plans every time. Your power as a man in a relationship lies in being a pillar of strength. The only way for that to happen is if she can trust you. Trust is built on honesty. It only takes one lie to ruin your credibility, so draw your boundaries on anything you can’t commit to. Additionally, lying destroys all of the good, “hot” things you told her when seeing her the way she wants to be seen.
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The simplest way to display emotional honesty is to be honest. This isn’t hard if you know your morals and if you are willing to walk away when necessary. Know what you will and will not accept for behavior and always do what you say.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 If you walk the line on this one, you will have a drama free relationship throughout its duration.
6. You Are Both Reaching for Success on a Similar Path •
This is the lifeblood of building a connection with a woman. If you instill the feeling that both of you are on the same path to glory, helping each other on the way, it creates an undeniable feeling of oneness for her.
You ne ed to giv e her pro of that you ar e an am az in g pers on wit h a pur pos e, an d then you need to show her that you can help her at hers. While powerful, hitting this tenet is not always easy.
If nothing else show her how your life experience can help guide her through similar situations. This teamwork works best for shared passions or interests. If you can build a commonality with her, show how your experience with this commonality can make it a more meaningful experience for her.
Displaying these tenets will create a sense of trust and connection. A woman needs these to become intimate with a man, and they are the purpose of the comfort phase.
However, you can’t expect to talk about each other’s deepest passions for an entire date. It would be too serious and create an unbalanced account of the real you, not to mention being a little bit weird. Try to contrast your personality and convey your multi-dimensionality.
People are dynamic. In any dating scenario the bulk of your time with a woman will be spent talking about plain subjects and doing ordinary things. That crazy night you spent doing shots and dancing in the club when you met probably won’t be how you spend your third, tenth, or hundredth date together.
She already knows that you are capable of having a rocking, fun time on the town. Are you able to be chilled out and interesting when you’re at home cooking dinner? Ironically, the latter can be more difficult for many men.
The best way to be a normal gu y is not to try too hard by forcing co mfort on her, and to contrast your personality. You will want to be serious with some topics, such as your passions, and a bit of a joker with others such as friends or hobbies.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 If you are genuine, a quality you’ll want to display in comfort, you shouldn’t have to think too hard about how to contrast your personality. If you are serious about your passions, you’ll probably talk passionately about them. Likewise, if you are telling a funny story about your best friend, you’ll probably dance over the topic without thought.
The basic topics you’ll talk about in comfort are from your real life and should fill in the gaps of who you are day-to-day. Here are some topics that you can talk about: •
Career
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Family, friends
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Pets
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Education
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Hobbies
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Travel
To display qualities about yourself, use these phrases: •
“You know what I like/hate ...”
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“You know what’s awesome/ what sucks...”
Complete “Exercise 38 - Displaying Qualities” in the workbook. By using these phrases, you’ll signal to her radar that you’re about to give a small insight into your tastes. To find out more about her, you can ask these questions: •
What do you do for fun?
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What did you want to be when you were growing up?
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How did you end up being an X?
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Why did you decide to live X/go to school at Y?
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Any “What if...” questions: “What would you do if...” “What if you were...”
The “what if...” questions are great. Not only do you find out more about her, but you also adopt a tone of screening. Essentially, you’re signaling that you’re sizing her up in the same way that she is sizing you up, even if the scenarios are hypothetical.
A woman is constantly sizing you up and re-evaluating her perceptions of you. She’s always looking for a more complete picture of who you are in an attempt to understand you better. By
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 talking about these things you’ll have your bases covered and give her genuine insight about your life.
By the end of your date you should feel as though you are friends - another aim of comfort who can talk freely and be comfortable with some silences.
Just as friends do, you can cycle the conversation through multiple threads and run off on tangents. If you draw out each subject to exhaustion, your date will seem like a personal investigation.
Small chunk this information. There is a lot to digest. Pick one or two points you want to hit on during your date and remember that you are talking about your life. Nobody knows you better than you do.
Conversational mistakes in comfort: •
Forcing Comfort - Comfort differs from attraction. In a bar you are trying to create the biggest spark in the shortest stroke possible. Your time is limited. On a date, she isn’t going anywhere so you can pepper it in. Comfort is the longest phase and its length varies from woman to woman depending on her blueprint. If you let comfort develop naturally, she will be more willing to build it. Trust and a connection cannot be forced.
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Don’t demonstrate lower value (DLV) - You worked hard at building an attractive first impression on her, so don’t degrade it. If a topic creeps up that could put you at a disadvantage, change the subject immediately. Likewise, bringing up subjects that get you attention in a negative light demonstrates lower value and is needy. That’s a double-edged sword that does you no favors. They may be interesting conversation pieces, but if they fail the classic, “Will this help me get laid?” test, you probably shouldn’t talk about them. As a rule of thumb, you don’t have to answer any questions that you don’t want to answer. Save the intense stuff for later.
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Forgetting the “cold” from hot/cold - Too many guys attempt to build a strong
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 connection with a woman by agreeing too much. If you think about the strongest relationships in your life, they all have some elements of cold to their hot.
For example, you may love your brother but you undoubtedly had a few scraps with him growing up. The same probably goes for you and your closest friends. (It’s being able to handle the occasional bits of cold that allows you to withstand so much hot.)
A caveat: Don’t overdo the cold either. A dismissive attitude has more leeway in attraction. Comfort is more about building connections. A peppering of coldness or disinterest over behavior/actions you genuinely don’t approve of creates authenticity.
CONVERSATION Face it: you need to be able to hold a conversation on dates, and most of what we do when it comes to emotional progression and verbal flirting comes under the banner of conversation. Painful or effortless, if you practice your conversation skills every day, everywhere you go, talking on a date with a woman who already likes you will be natural. Where you steer that conversation is what really matters. Managing the conversation on a date is easier than you may think. If you follow these tips you should always have something fun and interesting to talk about:
1. Adopt a Frame of Qualification. You sho uld enter th e dat e fr om th e qual if ica ti on frame - you are screening if you are a good match. Think about it this way: when you go in for a job interview, who does most of the talking? The applicant, of course. He will ask you a question and you have to explain your qualifications to him. He can say one sentence and you will respond for minutes explaining how you would handle something in an attempt to win him over. He feels no pressure to impress you, doesn’t say a ton, and will hire you if you fit the company and if the company fits you. Borrow this mindset for a date. You will have to carry the conversation in the beginning but do it only long enough to get her qualifying herself to you; it should flow at that point.
2. What Do You Want to Know About Her? Qualifying a woman is much easier if y ou know what you want to qualify her on. To do this, know what attributes you require. Here are some things you should write down that you want to know about her: •
Current life
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 •
Background
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Future plans
By having a few topics cued up you can keep an interesting conversation alive. People love to talk about themselves, and she will love the opportunity to impress you. She will be able to talk about herself because she has an endless stream of info. Lead the conversation onto things from your list and she should do the rest.
3. What Do You Want Her to Know About You? By letting a woman into your world you give her the key to build comfort and trust. Ideally, she should be able to go home after your date and tell her best friend that “[you] are an [X] kind of guy who does [Y and Z].” A woman will want to know at least the following: •
What your purpose or future ambitions are and why
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What your hometown was like
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Your family/f riends/p ets
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Any clubs, classes, or activities you do
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A scary childhood experience
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Your favorite kind of music/mov ies/TV shows
Talking about your life should be easy. You have decades of experiences to share and a lot of cool stories to tell. Write down a note or two for each story before your date and you’ll be set.
Complete “Exercise 39 - About Her” in the workbook. 4. If She Doesn’t Say Much. A date can be a daunting experience for a girl. From her perspective this cool and suave guy she met in the club or on the street blew her away. That doesn’t happen to her every day, and she doesn’t want to screw it up. Just remember, in the same way that you freeze up in the club talking to a gorgeous woman, she probably feels the same way around a debonair man like you. Always keep in the back of your mind that she already likes you and wants to impress you - it’s always on.
5. Freezing Up. If you do run out of things to talk about, don’t worry. The date doesn’t feast on words. Embrace that the two of y ou can feel comfortable with an occasional
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 silence. Sometimes you can look at her with a so-what-are-you-going-to-tell-me face. If you are really panicking for something to talk about, look around the room and comment on something in the vicinity. Attractive men make simple things amusing, so they always bring value. Women love these men.
6. Have Stock Lines, Routines and Funny Stories. Love Systems has evolved beyond the days of only using routines throughout an entire conversation. That being said, interspersing conversation with some routines can ensure that you avoid awkward silences and keep an interesting conversation when needed. Role-plays do this well; here are a few examples:
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Wives
“I have five wives, but I like you so I’ll make some room for you. Would you be okay if you were Wife Number Four? “Well, Wife One pays the bills, Wife Two cooks, Wife Three satisfies me emotionally, and Wife Four, well, she used to satisfy me sexually. You can take her place. I may even promote you over my Wife Three if you turn out to be cool.” •
Girlfriends
You can lead into this routine by asking, “So, how many boyfriends do you have?” The n say:
“I have eight girlfriends - one for every day of the week and two on Sunday. Sunday is the Sabbath, so I have to relax more. They all get together and share recipes so that they can cook my favorite food, which is awesome. But, I’m looking for a ninth one. I know we haven’t known each other for long, but I have a good feeling about you, and I want to know... Do you want to be my ninth girlfriend?” Typically, she will say she wants to rank higher.
“Okay, I’ll make you a deal, but you can’t tell anybody... I’ll make you number three. Deal?” She should agree. You can then introduce her as your girlfriend for the rest of the date.
Complete “Exercise 40 - Freezing Up” in the workbook.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3
TOUCHING The Physical Progression Model of the Love Systems Triad shows how touching works in a progression from social to friendly to romantic to sexual.
Examples of Touch Social - touching her on the shoulder to emphasis a point, high-five, thumb wrestling Friendly - your arm around her, touching her thigh (when sitting), hugs, kiss on the cheek
Romantic - holding hands, your hands on her hips (when standing and facing her), massages, stroking her hair
Sexual - anything past making-out
Often as you progress further up the pyramid you’ll notice that you can hold your touch for longer periods of time. This can start with hand-holding or a hand on her thigh when sitting, and move to cuddling on a couch later on.
TOUCH EARLY, TOUCH OFTEN “Touch early, touch often.” Just like during a nightclub approach, if you don’t touch early it will be awkward to touch later, and a guy who doesn’t start touching until he gets into the bedroom will only get to touch himself.
Where you start your touching on a date depends on where you left off the last time you met.
For example, if you had a ten-minute chat with a woman on the street, you would probably start your date with social touching such as a touch on her shoulder when you compliment her. If you met her in a club and you made out, you can start with some romantic touching such as a kiss. Here are some examples of how to establish touch early:
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Give Her a Hug to Start the Date - a hug to start a date is like a free pass. It’s a social thing to do and works well with a compliment. It’s harmless yet close contact.
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Link Arms Promenade Style - 100 years ago this was the norm when a man courted a woman. It shows subtle leadership and dominance but it’s also very gentlemanly and fun. Move into hand-holding for your next touch if she nestles in to you.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 •
Playfully Push Her - if she makes a joke or you purposely misinterpret something she says, give her a gentle push and call her a “brat.” Advanced guys can use this as a release from a compliment as well, which can cause her some cognitive dissonance.
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Steer Her into a Pole - as you are walking down the sidewalk, start edging toward a pole/tree and say, “Why are you walking into the pole?” (Obviously, don’t force her into the pole.) It’s a kid-like thing to do and a fun tease that shows your playful side.
Set Up and Knock Down You ca n plan t an op port un ity to to uch befo re sh e even gets to you r do or.
When setting up the date, tell her what to wear. (“Can you please wear that sexy perfume you had on the other night? That scent really turns me on.”) When she shows up at your door, you can compliment her on her choice. (“Damn, you smell gorgeous wearing that perfume.”)
As you compliment her, give her a hug. Smelling her perfume is a congruent reason to hug her, and it allows you to qualify her at the same time for wearing what you asked. The praise will make her feel appreciated while setting the frame of you leading and being the selector.
PINGING AND REJECTED TOUCH If your touch (or make-out) gets rejected, don’t sulk or make it a big deal. You probably used a more intense touch than she expected. Scale down your next move and progress forward from there. For example, if you’re touching her leg while escalating and she moves her leg away afterwards, go back to some social touching and build some more investment before trying again (but the key is that you try again).
You ge t mo re poin ts fo r being bol d, re je ct ed, an d no t re act ing th an you do for not tr yin g at all - no one ever blames the soccer player for shooting at the goal. Use common sense and realize you can usually get more than you think. Rejection is not a big deal.
Also, consider that a woman may want to make-out with you, but she may not be willing to do it in front of strangers or in a crowded area.
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KISSING You r p hysi ca l pro gre ss ion mu st a lign wi th you r emo ti onal and lo gis ti ca l pro gre ss ion . Th is me an s that if you have minimal comfort with a woman she probably won’t be ready to kiss you. On the other hand, if you have been together for three hours and you still aren’t in each other’s personal space, you’ve handicapped yourself. If you’ve spent thirty minutes together and you’re holding hands, you can probably try for a kiss. If she says “no” or “not yet,” it’s not a big deal. Try again later. Usually she accepts the second (or third) attempt. (Look at the first attempt as a cue.) If possible, you should kiss her at the second location of your date. The longer you leave it after that, the more it will plague her mind. Remember the frame: a kiss is NOT a prize that a woman gives you. A kiss, sex, etc. is not a prize or favor. It is a natural conclusion. Here are some great ways to make it happen: •
Tell h er: “You talk too much” - then kiss her.
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Kissing should be smooth transitions if the physical touching elsewhere has been good.
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At a high point - Grab her and say “Don’t look at me like that again or I’m going to kiss you.”
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It’s really on. “Close your eyes.” Kiss her.
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Almost kiss - Say, “you know, there’s something going on here and I’m totally not ready to kiss you, but I think I’m ready to try an almost kiss as long as you promise not to kiss me.” Then do an almost kiss. Fluff, continue with qualification, emotional connection. Later, say “I think I’m ready for another almost kiss.” She will kiss you. Otherwise do it a third time.
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“Nothing dramatic, but I really want to kiss you.”
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You wanna go do a shot? o
“The only condition is that it has to be R-rated style.” •
If tequila, put the lemon in her mouth and let her put it in your mouth.
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If not tequila, after the shot
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When you do an R-rated shot, first you do the shot, and then you get rated R. Kiss her then.
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Accelerated evolution phase shift - Smell her hair and say “your hair smells so fucking good; I am trying so hard not to kiss you.”
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 •
Caveman - Spin her and then push back against wall and kiss.
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Physical escalation - You’ll be close and talking with a lot of touching going on. Smell her hair and say, “Your hair smells so fucking good...” Don’t pull away. Go closer to her skin on one cheek, then kiss the side of her face and progress onto the bottom of face and simply kiss her.
As you already know (and as we’ve constantl y referred back throughout this book), the Triad Model is a crucial model to understand and apply during your dates. You want to be moving forward thro ugh the Emotional Pro gre ssion Model (for the most part in comfort while topping up attraction, qualification and sexualization). You also want to be physically escalating (romantic touching and kissing) and logistically escalating (different venues, which can be handled in advance through effective preparation and planning). This chapter provides you with a solid game plan for a successful date. Provided you’ve followed the advice we’ve given here, the next chapter will make sealing the deal a much easier process than most guys are used to.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3
CHAPTER 2 - END GAME In this chapter (click each one to go directly to that section): •
MENTALITY OF A CLOSER
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PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY
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MAKE IT NATURAL
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LAST MINUTE RESISTANCE (LMR) o Framing o Grounding Routine o Project Future Events o Stop and Build More Comfort
• A FINAL THOUGHT
MENTALITY OF A CLOSER Going for sex works no differently than making an approach. If you don’t try you won’t succeed. It’s all in how you view the situation. Think about the mistaken view that “women don’t like sex.” What does that say? If you adopt this view you will think that any advances you made toward her would upset her and create negative consequences. On the other hand, if you believe the natural, human view that she loves sex and wants it, you’d be disappointing her by not going for it. Women want the latter. They love sex just like men love sex. Think of how a woman acts during sex and how much she enjoys it. See her world through a woman’s eyes. Her body is telling her to sleep with you, she wants to
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 be on top of you, and there’s a pelvic urge inside her to do it... bu t her mind tells her differentl y.
She may be thinking: “I really like this guy, but if I have sex with him without putting up a bit of a fight he’ll think I’m a slut and never see me again.” “My roommate knows that I went on a date with this guy; if I don’t come home to night she’ll think I’m a slut and whisper it to our friends.” “I don’t really know this guy. What if he turns clingy after sex?” “What if he tells everybody that I slept with him on the first date after meeting at a bar?” “If I have sex on the first date, he’ll expect it every time we meet up.” A lot of women don’t question why they have adopted the beliefs they have. They simply think that things are the way they are. With her mind saying “hold off” and her body telling her “go for it,” a conflict ensues.
For that reason, you have to adopt strong convictions about sex, lead the interaction, and relieve her of responsibility. Ideally, a woman should be able to tell her friends, “We were just hanging out and things just kind of happened.” However, a woman may want to sleep you but most times she won’t help you to make it happen. You have to create what is called plausible deniability.
Complete “Exercise 41 - Mentalities” in the workbook.
PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY Plausible deniability gives a woman a reasonable excuse to relieve herself of responsibility when sleeping with a man. In other words, it’s an excuse (like “one thing led to another”) that allows her to backwards rationalize sex. Seed this excuse sometime mid-date. It’s better to do it earlier than later because she can mull it over and it won’t seem like the clichéd, last minute “do you want come up for a coffee?” Logically, the excuse may be trivial, but that’s all it needs to be. Be effective, not fancy. Just
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 throw it in as part of a story or something you’re talking about. For example, if you ask a girl if she has any pets, you can talk about her pets (or even lack thereof) and then tell her about your goldfish and invite her to come look at them.
Ryan: “Do you have any pets?” Angela: “No, but I used to have a dog growing up.” Ryan: “What kind?” Angela: “A Chihuahua.” Ryan: “Cool. I’ve always wanted to have a dog, but they aren’t allowed in my building. I bought some goldfish instead.”
Angela : “Tha t’s fun ny.” Ryan: “I have two. One is named Sonny and the other is named Cher, but it’s funny because they’re fighting fish so they get along fine until I feed them.”
Angela: “I didn’t know goldfish fought.” Ryan: “I know, right? I’ll have to show you sometime.” Later in the date, Ryan could say the following at the last date location.
Ryan: “Well, I think it’s time to head home. Come with me and I’ll show you how Sonny and Cher fight.” By agreeing to come see your fish, she can plausibly deny responsibility for going up to your place. “I just went up to see his fish and the next thing I knew we were making-out... One thing ju st ki nda, you know, led to an ot her an d it just hap pened.” Here are some other universal excuses for creating plausible deniability: •
Photo albums
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YouTube videos
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A project you are working on
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The view from your place
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Art in your house
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A pet
The more personal you can make the excuse, the easier it will be for her to come to your place.
Complete “Exercise 42 - Plausible Deniability” in the workbook.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3
MAKE IT NATURAL Like plausible deniability, you don’t want to make sleeping with her an explicit, formal process. She knows what’s up, but she has to feel like it just happened.
When you get into your place, give her a little tour if you didn’t at the beginning of the date. Grab a glass of wine and find a comfortable place to sit and look at your goldfish or photo albums. Talk, be normal, and get close.
Don’t drag the process out too long though. At the most, you need to throw on a movie. Judge how comfortable she feels and start making-out with her. If you are unsure, believe that she is in your pad so she wants to sleep with you. Escalate forward and see how much she’ll accept.
Getting to sex is not that complicated at this point. The typical game plan is to make-out on the couch, lead her to the bedroom where it is more comfortable, and let seduction happen from there.
LAST MINUTE RE SISTANCE (LMR) Last minute resistance occurs when you haven’t built enough comfort. It’s also frustrating to take a girl out on a great date and work hard to get her back to your bed only to get denied. This is one of those cases where prevention is better than cure, and the prevention is running solid game. Combating LMR starts long before you get back to your place.
Framing You ca n dras tic al ly min imi ze LMR by sett ing se xua l fram es ear ly in th e dat e. By se xua li zi ng th e conversation and escalating touch you sub-communicate that you’re a sexual man and that you are comfortable with it. This frame should put her at ease because she knows you won’t be awkward about it or judge her for it.
As previously mentioned, you need to have sexual frames set throughout the date.
The difference between a sexual man and the typical nice guy is that the woman expects a natural, sexual guy to try and have sex with her. He uses the date to build a genuine connection and arousal. It’s all part of seduction and it’s enrapturing for a woman when he does this smoothly.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 The nice guy still works to win her, and this frames him as being a lesser man than she is a woman. Hooking up with him would mean she is sleeping with somebody not worthy of her. It’s hard to justify sleeping with a guy who can barely muster the courage for a weak make-out on the doorstep at the end of the date.
As an overarching rule on sexual framing, if you only turn things sexual when you try to get her back to your place, you’ll have a tough time sleeping with her.
Men who are good with women are comfortable talking about sex. The show they understand a woman’s sexuality and are probably good lovers. There is really no secret about turning things sexual. As humans, it’s natural.
Complete “Exercise 43 - Framing to Prevent LMR” in the workbook. Grounding Routine Another key comfort builder is a grounding routine. A grounding routine is a fancy term for “have your life story cued up.”
A solid grounding routine will tell where you came from and how it has gotten you where you are as opposed to a list of accomplishments. Here are examples of good ones and bad ones: Weak Grounding Routine: “ I gr ew u p in B os to n. I pl ay e d b as eb al l gr ow in g up b ut d ec id ed t o go t o S ta nf or d fo r c o ll e ge . I di d m y p o st - gr ad th e re an d w a s o ff e re d a go o d j ob ri g ht in Sa n F ra n ci s co , s o that’s why I stayed.”
Strong Grounding Routine: “ I g re w u p i n B os t on an d m y d ad pu t m e i n b as e ba ll wh e n I w a s a k id . I ’ ve al w ay s l ov e d b al l, a nd I e v en ha ve s ea so n ti ck et s to t he [ Sa n Fr an ci sc o] G ia nt s [n ow ]. O bv io us ly I w a sn ’t a s up e rs t ar or an y th i ng , b u t I w a s a b i g f an of th e R e d S ox an d u s ed to kn o w e v er y p l ay e r’s st a ts . I wa s l i ke gl u ed to th e T V e v er y m o rn i ng wa t ch i ng hi g hl i gh t s.
“ I ne ve r kn ew w ha t I w an te d to d o fo r co ll eg e, b ut i n hi gh s ch oo l my b es t bu dd y Ba rr y t o ok th i s c om p ut e r c la s s s o I t h ou g ht we ’ d ro l l t og e th e r. I w as a t ot al jo c k u nt i l t he n . I do n ’t kn o w q ui t e w hy, bu t c o mp u te r s c am e a lo t m o re na t ur al l y t o m e t ha n b a se b al l a nd I de ve lo pe d th is p ro gr am t ha t au to ma ti ca ll y up da te d ba se ba ll s ta ts f or m e. A ft er
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 t ha t, I wa s ho ok ed . I ap pl ie d to a f ew d if fe re nt c ol le ge s, a nd w he n Be rk el ey a cc ep te d m e it w as a n o- br ai ne r. I g ot t o be i n Ca li fo rn ia a nd g ot t o pr og ra m co mp ut er s.
“ O nc e I g ot my ma st e r’s de g re e , C om p ut e rTe c h i re d m e a n d S an Fr a nc i sc o f e lt li k e h om e. T he c oo l pa rt i s th at t he c om pa ny h as s ea so n ti ck et s an d I ge t to g o to g am es w i th my da d w h en he co m es ou t . I ’l l h a ve to ta k e y ou so m et i me . I t ’s pr et t y m uc h m y f av or it e pa rt o f li vi ng h er e, s o ho pe fu ll y I g et m ad e ma na ge r so on s o I g et a cc es s to the corporate box.”
In the strong grounding example, a woman can understand why the man decided to stay in San Francisco. It shows openness and honesty. Also notice how he displays a passion for his work and how he actively shaped his life to get what he wanted out of it. Everything adds up, plus the journey full of positive emotions that he takes the woman on doesn’t hurt either.
In the weak example, she can’t feel connected to the man because he spouts a few basic facts. Boston, baseball, Stanford, computers. It doesn’t say much.
Be proud when grounding yourself. You have her respect, and she wants to be with a guy who has control in life and follows through on plans. Show it to her.
Complete “Exercise 44 - Building a Grounding Routine” in the workbook. Project Future Events A lot of women are afraid of getting “fucked and chucked.” If you understand the feeling of chasing a woman only to have her say “let’s just be friends,” you can only begin to compare it to the feeling of sleeping with a guy she likes only to have him never call again. It’s beyond deflating.
A smart and affectionate way of getting around this insecurity is to casually say that you want to see her again (only if you plan on doing so) even before the date is done. In the good grounding routine example above, when the man says, “The cool part is that the company has season tickets and I get to go to games with my dad when he comes out.” he can tack on, “I’ll have to take you sometime.”
You don ’t hav e to give a defin ite dat e or buil d it up to be som eth ing ma gnifi ce nt. Ju st giv e her
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3 a hint that you enjoy being with her and would like to continue being with her if she keeps being cool - just keep it light so you don’t tread into relationship territory sooner than you wish.
Stop and Build More Comfort When you’re lying in bed and a woman says no, you shouldn’t be completely deterred and give up. By putting up some token resistance, a woman relieves herself of guilt or of creating the impression that she is too eager.
Women want to have sex, but they don’t want to feel easy.
Part of not feeling easy is a woman feeling that you value her. Would a woman feel easy if she made you go through five dates before having sex or five hours before having sex? Of course, five dates would make your connection with her that much deeper. However, there are ways around waiting five dates.
Another way around LMR is to stop trying to get in her pants, laying back and building more comfort. When she objects, just say, “I understand,” and start talking about some other topic. Don’t pout! Just be cool about it. The fact that you want sex but don’t need it says a lot about you as a centered man.
After a few minutes of talking things out, she will gather her thoughts and contemplate what she is doing, or to put it more accurately, she’ll be more comfortable with the notion that she will be having sex with somebody new. It communicates that she is not being forced into anything. Sometimes just giving her space and slowing things down is all that it takes before reinitiating. (Sometimes she’ll feel so aroused she reinitiates you.) If you keep pushing and pushing an uncertain woman, you won’t make any progress.
If she is still not ready after you reinitiate a couple of times, don’t worry. You’re almost certain to sleep with her the next date (or morning). The night of comfort together can bridge the gap, and a clear mind can be all she needs to have sex at sunrise.
Of course, don’t submit to your own fear or insecurity, but never do something you’ll regret. Women face enough pressures in the world. Make sure you’re alleviating them, not creating them.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - TEXTBOOK 3
“The Don” What kind of book would this be if we didn’t slip a Jedi trick in it? Sometimes when you get LMR, all it takes is a little extra something to put you over the top. “The Don” fits that mold well. If you’re with a woman in bed and can’t get her pants off, simply take off yours, whip it out and go to town on yourself. “When in doubt, whip it out.” Many women find it arousing to see a man getting hot over her, and often she will want to be in on the action. As long as her shirt is off, you can probably use this move. Usually she’ll ask you what you’re doing, and you can state the obvious. Tell her that she makes you “too horny” or that you don’t want blue balls. If you’re cool with it, she will be cool with it. If she starts touching you, you can start touching her. It’s like an unwritten agreement that it’s okay. Some women will start giving you a blowjob, which is also okay. However, some women won’t do a whole lot and you’ll end up getting yourself off, which isn’t a big deal. It certainly beats porn. If she sees that you’re no longer interested in having sex because you’ve satisfied yourself, while she is still horny, it sometimes puts her into sexual overdrive! This move, like everything, doesn’t work 100 percent of the time, but it builds a load of sexual comfo rt between you and her. The next time y ou are togethe r, it’s almost a guarantee for a close. The Don takes a lot of balls, but when it works, it works well.
A FINAL THOUGHT This book provides a widespread roadmap and game plan for enjoying a successful date. Use it as a resource you can always come back to whether you need a refresher on the basics of planning an d ideas for dates, or if you’re more advanced and feel l ike you need to read over the final chapters again. Remember, humans have been pairing up for millions of years. It’s just sex and you know how to do it. It’s natural, so handle logistics, stimulate her emotions, and let the magic happen organically.
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