Cycle of Reconciliation

The Cycle of Reconciliation Reconnecting Head and Heart (Makes Sense / Feels Right)

Conciliatory Statements

Loving Marital Relationship

- revealing one’s hurts - verbalizing hope of reconciliation - apologizing - affirming other’s good intentions

Injury

R s ng Re Reconnect on

Failed expectations Emotions flare up

- addressing what one would do differently in retrospect

Avoidance

Internal Commitment Commitment to Working It Out

 physical withdrawal emotional detachment

Conscious decision

I will not forgive (not now)

Emotions are under control

Premature forgiveness - not heartfelt - result: cold relations

Introspection feelings -

identifying - accepting

entertain own culpability  Adapted from: Ron Kraybill, Conciliation Quarterly , Fall 1988.

Explanation Loving Relationship. Relationship satisfaction satisfaction in the beginning of a marriage marriage is almost always high. This is why people get married in the first place. They love each other and want to be together. (If only things could stay this ways says Marriage Counseling Fort Myers FL) FL). Injury. At some point in time, an injury to the relationship relationship occurs. If you the two of you live long enough, this is bound to happen. There is a disappointment. There is a violation of trust. There is a hidden secret revealed. Whatever it may be, conflict in in the relationship emerges and

emotions, such as anger and sadness, come to the fore.At this juncture, the injured spouse may, in fact, begin to verbally attack the other spouse. Avoidance. One or both of the the spouses begin to avoid one another. The pain of engagement, at least at the moment, is too great. If the injury is a repeating one, emotional detachment may  begin. (Couples that are fighting and still engaged are easier to help then those couples who are disengaged, says Marriage Counseling Bonita Springs FL) FL). Introspection. Doubt may enter the mind of one or both spouses as to the quality and long-term viability of the relationship. relationship. “Did I marry the right person” is a common thought. At the same time, the husband or wife wife may also come to see that their own words or actions have contributed to the problem. Internal Commitment to Working It It Out. This may come quickly or after much deliberation, deliberation, but the point comes when each spouse, particularly the the injured one, is ready to reengage. There is a renewed commitment to work things out and get the relationship back on the right track. Risking Reconnection. A conciliatory gesture gesture would typically be made by the offending spouse. If there has been an internal commitment to restore the relationship by both partners, the couple will resume their relationship relationship in peace. The injured spouse can also reach out with the same goal of reconciliation in mind.

Points to Keep In Mind 1. Each spouse may be at different points in the circle, notes Marriage Counseling Naples FL. FL. Patience will be needed as they communicate with each other. 2. When our emotions flare flare up, our objective reasoning typically goes down. Nevertheless, our emotions (“I feel…”) are spontaneous and natural and should be expressed early on as each spouse tells his or her story. 3. Martial mediation is not only an effective process to resolve marital marital conflict, but it also holds the promise of restoring our interpersonal relationships. If you need help with your marriage and you live in SWFL, that is, Estero, Cape Coral, Punta Gorda, Marco Island, Fort Myers, Naples, or Bonita Springs FL, contact Dr. Ken Newberger, Ph.D., Conflict Analysis Analysis and Resolution. See his website: MarriageCounselingAlt.com or call him direct for a free phone consultation at 239-689-4266. .