Creative Writing

CREATIVE WRITING HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL

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CREATIVE WRITING “There are two types of creative writing. Actionpacked Hollywood style- style writing and writing which is descriptive and atmospheric. There is another way of looking at creative writing though: there is the creative writing which gets you good marks and the creative writing which doesn’t.”

Dawn in the Bay of Islands, N.Z.

(All ibook graphics are by the author)

Ceramic tiles from the Forbidden Palace, Beijing

THE BASICS To undertake creative writing, there is some basic nomenclature which the writer needs to know: Noun: The name of a person, place or thing Adjective: A word which modifies a noun Verb: An action word (showing action or state) Adverb; a word which modifies a verb, an adjective or another adverbs

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The Marking Criteria Here is a summary of the Marking Criteria for a short story Not all of the criteria in a category will apply to each story but many will A ‘voice’ is the sense of a person who is telling the story i.e. the voice of the narrator

Marking Criteria - Creative Writing 13 - 15 A Skillfully crafted & perceptive story 10 - 12 B Above Average & well constructed 7-9 C Straightforward

* Has a highly developed idea * Cleverly employs alternate structures & settings * May operate at a metaphorical as well as a literal level * Has sophisticated descriptive language including adjectives & original metaphors * May have more than one authentic and engaging voice * Achieve cohesion, control and clarity in its completeness * Above average idea * Experiments with structure and setting with variable success * uses descriptive language, featuring adjectives & metaphors & some complex vocabulary * May attempt more than 1 sustained & appropriate voice

* Presents an obvious idea & setting * has a literal or superficial topic but is complete (beginning; body, finish) * Displays control of language on a literate level and attempts some use of descriptive language but this is not sustained or helpful * Be linear in structure and plot-driven * Display appropriate voice for persona telling a story * Be short or unfinished (e.g. 3/4 of a page) 4-6 * Displays flawed mechanics (in sentence construction and expression) or D Major Flaws be structurally clumsy * Has a variable voice & refer only superficially to the topic * Has content which is simplistic and/or clichéd 1-3 E Off Topic

* Be superficial or not refer to the topic * Lack a voice or sense of the narrator * Display seriously poor mechanics; literacy (sentence construction) * Be unfinished or fragmented 3

The marking criteria guide for a short story is very important. A marker has to place each story into the correct band. If a story has sustained descriptive writing and the sentence structure and the idea is good, then the story will go into the ‘B’ band.

If a story has few adjectives and is straightforward then it will generally go into the ‘C’ or pass range.

An effective story has the following structure: It has a good idea (more about that later) should really have 1 plot idea per paragraph the rest is descriptive writing Remember, You can use present tense (which creates a sense of immediacy) or past tense but be careful not to mix the two

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Setting a story

Many student writers choose a setting for their stories that is trivial. This loses the sense of creative writing; that is, writing that inspires our imagination and engages the reader by pulling them into fascinating worlds that they don’t know about. Good writers research settings for stories that will involve their readers in places and time periods that are out of the normal, providing variety and curiosity. If they are particularly clever, their stories will have values and themes and ideas that connect with the reader’s context. For example, adolescents in Africa and Australia may experience similar pressures in growing up. Here are some examples for varying the setting;

All of these approaches are designed to explore the psychology of characters or themes or values, the three main foci of creative writers. By removing from the present, the writer becomes more imaginative and has the potential to capture the responder in the world that they create. The responder, distanced from their own situation is more easily manipulated – they can reflect on their own experiences with more objectivity.

Avoid stories about: Cars

1. Inanimate object’s perspective e.g. how a chocolate feels before being eaten; how a tree feels.before its forest disappears

Love, divorce Hollywood plots

2. Another country (but generally not a suburban context in the USA or a teenager. Instead, go for something exotic

Sports or being a hero

3. Different narrator (older, not and Australian teenager)

Action

4. Different Time e.g. a century ago. the depression but be careful, you need to avoid anachronisms

Teenagers and schools

5. Anthropomorphic – presenting animals like humans (This device was used as early as 800 years ago by Chaucer who maded fun of human folly through the use of his character, Chanticleer a barnyard rooster who makes foolish decisions. the reader gets the point without being personally insulted)

People dying of serious illnesses (at least they shouldn't be the focus; tragedy should be incidental)

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STRUCTURING THE STORY There are many ways to structure your story. The traditional way is a linear narrative where the writer recounts a set of events that happen in order from the point of view of one narrator. There are many alternate and exciting ways to present your ideas and by choosing the right structure for your narrative you can increase the effect on the reader. Even a basic idea can be improved by good structures Landing Barge, Norfolk Island

Short Story - Different Structures A good story experiments with structure. There are several different structures that can be used but all attempt to bring out the psychology (personal thoughts & attitudes) behind the events or the character’s actions.

In this structure, two seemingly independent stories are told which come together and make sense in one event such as an accident. The writer separately describes the morning of Jim and then of John, and then brings the narratives together in one event. The finishing line might be, “John looked up as he turned the corner to see a black blur...” and the story might explore the idea that although money and success can make a life enjoyable, fate has a way of reducing people to the same level.

1) Linear Narrative Tells the story in a straightforward way and in a logical sequence. This is traditional way that stories are told, generally written in past tense and moving chronologically through time.

Another version of this can be found in the following story,

2.2 Twinned Narrative Story !

2) Twin Linear Narratives - a twin narrative Where two (or more) narratives are told separately but gradually come together or even meet up in one event, e.g. a car accident. Here is an example

Jim was woken by the mellifluous sounds of the water, gentling lapping on the dock outside his bedroom window with its mirrored patterns casting a complex web of patterns on his ceiling. The soft tinkling of the rings on the mast of his yacht was always appealing and reminded him of the time, years before when his parents had hired a 747, filled the cabin with sleigh bells and taken him for a trip over the North Pole. Casually he leaned across the silken sheets to where his wife, Miss World 2009, was curled around a pillow and softly played with her effulgent hair.His attention was momentarily diverted by Jeeve’s arrival with the freshly squeezed mangosteen and dragon fruit juice and the 9 grain toast with its truffle and caviar spread which he diligently consumed on the advice of his personal physician. 7

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John woke, desperately late. The alarm clock had failed again and with a swipe of annoyance, he knocked if off the plain umber bed table to the linoleum floor where it shattered, leaving its fragmented diodes amongst the dust and fragments of Smith’s crisps from last night’s hurried dinner. He staggered from the bed, the worn ochre sheets twisting around his legs bringing him crashing against the bedstead and inflicting a cut above his eye, its sanguine stickiness momentarily confusing his left eye. ‘Blast’, he thought, ‘could anything be worst for this morning’s job interview. He was out of bandaids he seemed to remember. Maybe some vaseline would seal it, he remembered such first aid from a distant past when getting out on a rugby morning on verdant couch once once a pleasure. *

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Jim completed the last of his stretches and the trainer left the room. he glanced at the lapis-lazuli of the Omega on his wrist an contemplated the rest of the morning. Whilst it was tempting to send the list of potential recruits off to Sir Arvi Parbo, the head of his iron and diamond mining company, he decided that on this occasion, his personal supervision might be of value in choosing some of the common workers: it never hurt for them to understand that accountability that they had to him and, who knew, there might well be a modicum of talent there, he thought as he made his way to the elegant marble bath with its views up the harbour to Sydney Heads. *

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‘Never enough time’ John inwardly screamed as he pulled his legs through the seams of his least dirty suit trousers, tearing the cotton. A wandering hand found the tie, hoary with the specks of yesterday’s toast and honey. It would have to do. He prayed the keys were still in the old black mini. They were but the door had locked itself again. ‘Must get that fixed he thought’ as he did every time he used it then grabbed the screwdriver and levered the window open. The engine caught just as the battery threatened to give up the last of its life. The 10 minutes that he had spent trying to get the garage door shut had cost him and he cursed the stupid lock which never lined up on that Curved grey garage door. As it sprang into place finally, he hacked into his handkerchief and let the brake off, roaring down the street, like a black streak, the spinning gravel creating a neat row of holes in the neighbours prize gardenia bushes, then finally the dog which had made the mistake of investigating too closely. He didn’t even notice the stray cat which had taken to sleeping on top of the tyres. *

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Jim consulted the keys on the garage wall. ‘Shall I take the Ferrari, the Maserati or the Porsche’ he wondered? Finally he settled on the argent Rolls, the most appropriate when he swapped his Olympic athlete persona for the company director’s hat and then he was gliding quietly down the crushed grave, driving between claret ash and murraya bush which screened his world from those of his equally endowed neighbours. A quick turn brought him onto the main road but the solid walls of the door were insufficient to protect him as he glanced across to see the sable flash of madly-driven mini bonnet, spearing through his window. 8

3) Reverse Linear Narrative This is a story told in reverse. In many recent movies, you will have seen the typical plot line where the hero is in some sort of dilemma in the present. The movie then goes back to the past and the narrative explains what has gone wrong in a linear fashion. A true linear narrative starts in the present but works back through past events. It can be quite powerful because it reveals the choices that a character made, moment by moment. Here are the first three paragraphs of a story. You will notice that there is only one plot idea per paragraph. The rest is descriptive writing. !

Character !

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1st Idea - Plot

John walked cautiously to the edge of the cliff. He stared down into its limestone depths to where the water, hundreds of feet below, boiled into foam at its base like some monstrous washing machine. Behind him, the sun was setting leaving the evening’s cool temperature in its ethereal, golden glow. !

Psychology It had been a mistake. He had not thought it through. But when he found the children missing his only thought had been to follow. ! !

3rd Idea

Each paragraph has a central idea that moves the plot forward. The rest of the paragraph is descriptive writing which fills out the setting. The central idea is simple but still has a strong impact on the reader.

Metaphors

2nd Idea

It had been a long walk since yesterday when the rusty old ute had broken down leaving him stranded on the dirt road. Its red filth now covered his canvas white trousers and the water container hung limply from his left hand like some Martian cancer

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4) Multiple Narratives The same event is seen through the eyes of several different people, either chronologically or each one bringing a different perspective or interpretation on the one event. In the case of the event below. The narrative can be picked up in turn by each key person. This allows the writer to again bring out the psychology of the characters. Above, all in this kind of plot the writer should avoid an emphasis on action or weapons. These should recede into the background.

In an HSC in the mid-1990s a very difficult question was set. Students had to imagine a scenario where a student - the school nerd - was actually winning a race towards the finishing line. As they approached the end, the student-nerd stopped and walked away, even though they had the win in their grasp. This was an extraordinarily difficult story to write as the scenario pushed students into writing predictable responses which lacked any interest for the reader. Cliches abounded; the nerd always had ‘coke-bottle thick glasses’ and was generally bullied. One of the only ways to present an in-depth and insightful story was to use structure to change the points of view and give an understanding of the other characters and the role that they play in reinforcing stereotypes. What follows on the next page is a model for how the story might be approached.

Alternatively, the writer could pick a different type of incident where conflict is involved - a demonstration or incident in which animal activists attempt to free enclosed animals and write about this from three or more points of view. (The farmer; the activist, the authority sent to arrest)

Remember though: It is always good to choose the structure which best suits your plot and the psychology of your character. It is never good to experiment with structure in an examination for the first time. Sustained practice will develop your skills. Clever use of structure will give good results but it is also has a higher risk.

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EXAMPLE OF A STORY WHICH MANIPULATES STRUCTURE The following was a school Certificate response written under examination conditions in the School Certificate in 1995. It manipulates structure superbly to achieve a very simple point about the need to conserve our environment but cleverly, it never preaches at the reader.

Twang!

The white snow was red.

Olafson slung his prize, and proudly strode away to his village. Erik Olafson

Erik Olafson bent down on his knee in the glistening snow. Yes. The stag was close now. He could smell its' musk scent, the scent of fear, yet, somehow accepting its fate. He rose to his feet, and followed the cloven tracks, weaving through the pine forest with inhuman grace and silence. The slight crunch of the snow under his boots was barely audible. He entered a clearing in the forest, where a solitary patch of grass protruded from the powdery snow clinging to life even in this harsh climate.

And then he saw the stag. Standing proudly in the middle of the clearing staring at Olafson with indifferent eyes. It’s fur, its thick brown pelt stood out awkwardly against the white backdrop. The sun, now at four past dawn, predicted Olafson, burst in a myriad of colours, like the rainbows at harvest time, off the stags majestic antlers. Such a beautiful sight, thought Olafson. For the gods of Valhalla, for Odin himself, what a beautiful sight! How proud he would be to offer this stag at the feast of the equinox. He unslung his bow and notched an arrow.

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Alan Jefferson bent down on his knee in the glistening snow.

Racks.

The stag was here, somewhere. He rose to his feet, and unslung his hunting rifle. He followed the stag’s hoof prints through the last remaining expanse of the pine forest in Canada. It was not far now. He entered a clearing in the pine forest. A single purple flower poked through the cotton wool snow at his feet. Alan glanced at it, and looked up. There it was.

The stag.

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He stepped forwards, crushing the flower under a booted foot.

The stag stared at him indifferently, from its watery eyes. How good this stag’s head would look on his trophy wall, along with the others. Jees, Mike would envy him. A myriad of light bounced off the Stag’s antlers, kind of like the rainbow Alan had seen with Arlene and the kids in Kansas city. Damn light. It'd put off his aim.

Des focused on the page. His daughter’s finger was pointing at the photo of a majestic Stag, a myriad of light, the whole spectrum, shooting dazzlingly off its antlers.

'It's a Stag dear' said Des.

'Are there any left, daddy?' 'Yeah, Daddy, are there any left?'

He raised his rifle and centred the stag’s head in the crosshairs. For a brief moment Alan thought one day there may be no stags for him to hunt. Oh well, it won't be in his lifetime. A sound rang out in the pine forest. It was the sound of thunder.

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Des sat in his armchair in his comfortable home in Delta City 9, Quebec. His two children, True and Mitchell, crowded at his knees, pondering over a nature book from Des' childhood. Des' aunt had given it to him on his seventh birthday. They had gone to Quebec National Trust Forest and he had seen a real life stag.

Mitch was always repeating his sister’s questions. 'No, Dear, the last stag died in captivity in Vancouver Zoo in 2044. They were hunted to extinction.'

'Oh ... 'said True but they were already turning the page to look at a bald eagle, soaring above a mountain lake. The last one of those died in 2038, remembered Des. He remembered his uncle Alan had been a hunter.

And as Des' children pondered over animals gone, he remembered his trip when he saw a stag, and Des wept.

'Daddy, what's this?' asked 'True inquisitively.

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DEVELOPING A PLOT - THE TWIST There are certain plot ideas which should be avoided but many ideas which can be included. Sometimes the best way to start is with a ‘Twist’ (the surprise ending and work back from there.

Warwick Castle, England

Why did we start with structuring a story before designing a plot? Because often the best way to come up with a plot is to look at the other ingredients first and then construct what will happen.

The Sting This is the twist or surprise ending at the finish of the story. It is the unexpected conclusion for the reader. This doesn’t happen by accident and the writer doesn’t suddenly get an inspiration halfway through the story as to how to end it. Instead the writer uses a clever technique. They decide on the ending before they start writing the story. Once the story is started, the writer uses red herrings, to confuse and direct the reader’s attention away from the ending so that it becomes unpredictable. This distraction (a little like a magician’s trick) can be achieved by a) writing in a different style b) including red herrings so that the reader predicts they know what the story is about when it isn’t or c) using descriptive writing which is distracting and doesn’t give an indication of the point. Take the picture on the left. The viewer’s eye is drawn to the sky, the sand, the surf, the pebbles and the little bridge. What is less obvious is the door. There picture is so full of description that the door isn’t noticeable until the viewer’s attention is drawn to it. The responder is surprised to discover that the picture is really about the door and not what can be seen through the door. On the next page are some examples of constructing stings. East Coast, N.Z.

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Senario 1 - Introducing a serious social concern Example 1 In several overseas countries, the United Nations has been working to stop a problem where young children are being married early in their society (and have been for many generations) and it documents the stories of some of these children on its web sites. A story might describe a wonderful wedding focussing on the banquet, the food, the singing and other details and the excitement of the participants. The reader is so interested in the spectacle of this event that they don’t see the punchline come which might be, “Tirasu (the name of the bride) wondered what her thirteenth birthday might be like.” Remember, a surprise ending should never be longer than a sentence and under no circumstances should the writer explain the ending. The ending should leave the reader to think and dwell on the meaning. Example 2 A further example could be that of an African Village (which you would know about if you have prepared your ‘country research assignment’) It could talk about a boy and his diligent effort in looking after his siblings and his hopes and dreams of a future. he might be walking to the well (which is some point from his village) and the red herring - or distraction is one in which he reflects on becoming a man as he explores the different animal prints that he finds in the ground, particularly that of a lion which reminds him of his father’s hunting and coming of age stories. We also learn that his mother has been sick and we admire his independence. The final line has him reflecting on the water with its terrible smell in fact it is infected. Here is the story. Cradle Mountain Lake, Tasmania 16

Tombe looked up to the sky and wondered whether the developing clouds meant that the monsoon season was coming. He was pleased at the hint of moisture in the air after the long, dry summer which had the withered yellow grasses. He knew the thin sable cattle would appreciate the fresh kikuyu roots which pushed through the ground and would soon grow sleek and fat. They wouldn’t wander as far afield and that would make his life of cow-herding easier. He was pleased with the thought that the village well would fill again with water and he would not have to walk so far through the grass plains dotted with acacia with their penetrating paired thorns. However, the rain was not here yet and he knew that he had to start the long walk with the earthen water pot. It was not too bad a walk anyway; it was time for the Akee fruit to finally ripen and he might well see some of the fruit now turned red when they were safe to eat. He looked forward to pulling open the pod and pulling out the three luscious white lobes and spitting out the black seeds. At twelve years of age he knew not to eat the pods when they were still yellow: his father had told him when he was still alive and Tombe had been only moons old. Tombe had dutifully told his younger brothers they they must not eat the fruit. Probably that was why his mother had been sick for several days he thought remembering the fruit she had brought back. There were many exciting things to see in the bush, too and he was excited as the yellow sand gave up first the prints of a gazelle and then straight after the prints of several lions which had been tracking. He looked forward to the time when as a young Cradle Mountain Park, Tasmania

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man he would test his manhood and go out hunting lion as his father had done - testing himself and learning from the village elders. They too were gone now. Maybe they also had eaten too much Akee, he thought. He walked on, watching first the tracks of a small lizard then the curving wavy lines of a mambo snake, pushing its way past stab and pale three Awn grass. Then again he saw the tracks of the gazelle, meandering with the more determined lions pursuing and he was glad that he had made his brothers go inside of the ochre hut, away from the taller grasses to play kigogo with their stones on the Mancala board. Capturing each other’s stones would keep them occupied for hours and as he thought of their cheerful smiles and hoots of laughter which followed him as he the cattle eluded him, Tombe smiled with an effulgence that not even his mother’s unexplained sickness could match. His dreaming had taken him all of the way to the water hole and mostly home again and it had not been a burden at all. The only strangeness was in the smell of the water when he poured it out to ease his mother’s fever, and he puzzled again about what the older village elders had been discussing with that strange word, tifus.

Did you notice that this story does not explain out events and it introduces normal life and happy thoughts. If you story explores serious themes, you should let the reader draw the conclusion and realize the significance of your point. Fern trees, Tasmania 18

Scenario 2 Not all stories have to deal with such serious ideas in serious ways. The following story is by Roma Kumar, who was a Year 12 student at Thomas Hassall Anglican College who was asked to compose a story about the concept, Belonging. In 2012 she won a statewide contest called ‘Written Portraits’ with her short story. It is a cheeky story, which, although it could be very dark as there it a death involved, has a light but moving twist and shows us that even dark events can be seen in a very positive way. It is called “The Gardener” and you can read it on the next page.

After reading this, you should experiment by developing you own plots and planning a twist at the end.

Ancient Beech Forest, Tasmania

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The Gardener The ubiquitous tick of the clock behind Frank echoed through the empty, lifeless room. He breathed a sigh, causing the window he had become accustomed to peer out of, to fog up. Since the passing of his wife who subsequently became his caretaker after the onset of his Parkinson’s disease. Frank had been shoveled into Springvale Nursing Home by his desperate son. The demands of his harried lifestyle, young family and budding career proved to be too much and he did not want the added pressure of tending to his ailing father. Frank found his son’s reasoning to be justifiable although it did not waive his abhorrence to the home. The lingering, stale air and the viscous, tacky floors were not the only problems Frank was opposed to. The nurses worked not for the love of the job or those they nursed but rather for the pay cheque they received after each unpleasant fortnight they toiled. The only instance in which the dysfunctional home was cleaned was just prior to the visit paid the inspectors, who did not hear the discontentment of the patients as any objections made by them would be hushed and laughed away, as they were seen as senile, decrepit people who could not possibly speak the truth. With a shortage of capable nursing homes in the area and the aging population, Springvale was able to scrape through the inspections with nothing more than a slap on wrist. Frank stared out the window and looked upon the unkempt garden that had been severely neglected as the years had gone by. Most of his revulsion to this place had radiated from the abysmal disarray of the garden. Parkinson’s had impeded Frank’s ability to do what he truly loved; gardening and the diminishing state of t Bay of Fires, Tasmania 20

only garden he now had contact with truly pained him. The only visible inhabitants seemed to be strident Indian Myna birds that had claimed the mossy birdbath as their own, joyfully bobbing in the murky emerald water brimming in it. That appeared to be the only emerald to be visible in the garden as the rest of the organic matter had morphed into decomposing waste, littering the once fertile soil. The soil, void of an ounce of water, was extremely dry and desolate, with no way of supporting life. The communal noise created by the birds sent vibrations through the frail glass and into the ears of Frank, one of his senses still capable of doing its job. An inescapable urge built up in him as he reminisced about the times he was fully proficient, able to put his God-gifted green thumb to good use. “Frank, those rose bushes are looking splendid!” With one final snip of the hedge clippers, Frank stood back to admire his work. Beauty had flowed from every corner of the garden. The bucolic garden contained every shade of green known to man and was littered with an array of flowers, from ambrosias to magnolias. The centrepiece of the garden, a gargantuan fountain, streamed torrents of crystal blue water tying the whole oeuvre of the garden together. A brood of Bulbuls that had wandered into the garden merrily chirped their satisfaction as they pecked at the seeds that had loosened from the shrubs and fallen onto the luxuriant soil. His wife stood, with a content smile on her face, watching intently as her husband masterfully took on the craft of gardening he held so dear to his heart.

Frank’s heart ached for a time where he felt so much bliss, a moment that he had forever kept in his mind. In a dazed state, Frank rose from his chair opposing the window and edged his way closer towards the mirage he had created in his effervescent mind. A carelessly placed broom, however, seemed to be his downfall, with a mistimed step causing Frank to stumble and collapse onto the stained floor. Frank’s Parkinson’s made it impossible for him to raise himself up off the ground, his throat tightening with each breath becoming exceedingly more difficult than the last. A nurse had spotted Frank’s ceasing body on the stone cold ground and rushed to his assistance, the most physical exertion she had shown in her time working there. Her haste was still too prolonged and Frank felt an intense pressure against his chest as his breath shortened and quickened. With a final groan, Frank died in the arms on a nurse who would then replace the broom to its proper position and restore the room to its passable state saved for the inspectors, before calling in the death. As Frank’s eyelids flicked open, a sudden stream of clement light welcomed him. The warm glow tickled his face and spread to the rest of his body. A prickling sensation in his fingertips came as a shock and he jauntily moved his fingers to counteract the feeling. It then registered to him that he had been able to perform a menial task he had not been able to do since his days working in his garden, before commencing his battle with Parkinson’s. Frank raised himself from the surprisingly jade ground, grassy and prickly, with pure ease and

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only garden he now had contact with truly pained him. The only visible inhabitants seemed to be strident Indian Myna birds that had claimed the mossy birdbath as their own, joyfully bobbing in the murky emerald water brimming in it. That appeared to be the only emerald to be visible in the garden as the rest of the organic matter had morphed into decomposing waste, littering the once fertile soil. The soil, void of an ounce of water, was extremely dry and desolate, with no way of supporting life. The communal noise created by the birds sent vibrations through the frail glass and into the ears of Frank, one of his senses still capable of doing its job. An inescapable urge built up in him as he reminisced about the times he was fully proficient, able to put his God-gifted green thumb to good use

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In the space below, explore how you might create plots with twists.

INTERACTIVE 3.1 Creating a twist

Eastern Rosellas

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DESCRIPTIVE LANGUAGE In the following section, you will learn how to use descriptive language; firstly by including complex vocabulary, then by using metaphors

Tulip Festival, Canberra A.C.T.

USING A THESAURUS The first secret is a thesaurus. This is a book which has alternate words. However, a writer must be careful NOT to use a word incorrectly. (Using a noun as a verb or an adjective as a noun and so forth) Using the following tables, you should build up a list of words that will assist you creating effective atmosphere. First, listen to the file, News from Nowhere Australian King Parrot. Erowal Bay, NSW (Seed eater) AUDIO 4.1 News from Nowhere

Richard Glover 25

Getting the top marks. How do I get an ‘A’ in my creative writing; that is, how do I get into the highest band for my work? There are several components which must be present to access the highest marks in Creative Writing. Firstly, the idea must be a good one and then plot should follow this through in an engaging and well-controlled manner.

“the sky was blue”

By comparison, a “B” range response might be:

“the piercing Blue sky with its cotton wool clouds.”

A critical part of this is the language and the imagery that is used. What is imagery? As a person reads your story, pictures – images will appear in their mind. You may describe a character and the reader will immediately begin to form a mental picture based on your description. The same happens when you select vocabulary – a range of words to build a mental picture of the landscape or the weather or even a room which your character is in. The cardinal rule to remember is that the more original your description – that is the images you use – the more potential you have to gain high marks.

Instead the “A” range students would research historical colours for blue and might use the following:

“The cerulean sky; azure at the edges, blazed into my consciousness.”

The terms, ‘cerulean and azure’ go back to the days of heraldry.

Where do I get imagery from? However, you are NOT expected to be able to simply invent these images on the spot under examination conditions. Very good writers have a kit bag of imagery, that is, a small supply of images and vocabulary that they have built up over time which they can call on in an examination or test and which makes their writing seem vibrant and original to the marker. They wouldn’t simply name a colour in a story as the following “C” range example does:

In Section 3 (on page 17) you will find a table which shows a variety of names for colour. Memorize the words and complete the exercises. (If you want additional ones, go to a paint shop in Bunnings and look at the paint charts. They have wonderfully inventive names for colour: memorize some of them!)

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1. Vocabulary for establishing atmosphere Instructions: complete all 4 activities in order 1. In the interactive below you will find a list of words. Provide definitions for them.

3. Unscramble the words INTERACTIVE 4.3 Unscramble the word

INTERACTIVE 4.1 Vocabulary 1

Eastern Yellow Wren 2. Now see if you can find the words in a Wordsearch INTERACTIVE 4.2 Vocabulary Wordsearch

New England Honeyeater

Magpie 4. Here is a crossword - test your knowledge of the words

INTERACTIVE 4.4 Crossword

Ringneck Parrot, W.A. 27

2.Vocabulary for describing emotions. Read the words below and complete the following two activities.

Beauty

Dislike

mellifluous

abomination

bucolic

Joyous/ Friendly/

Tiredness

Sadness

Odours

avuncular

ennui

poignant

pungent

loathing

elation

torpor

lugubrious

piquant

pulchritudinous

repugnance

sanguine

lassitude

melancholic

pervasive

ethereal

odium

rapture

inertia

pathos

miasma

effulgent

anathema

amiable

enervation

despondency

redolence

aesthetic

antipathy

genial

somnolence

gloominess

fetid

Positive

INTERACTIVE 4.5 Flashcards for Vocabulary 2

INTERACTIVE 4.6 Crossword 2

Scarlet Robin

Apostle Birds 28

3. Vocabulary for establishing Colour Imagery Memorize the following vocabulary Name

Description

Cerulean

Sky-blue

Azure

Deep blue

Sable

Black (comes from the fur of the marten)

Verdant

green

Prasinous

clear, lively green colour

Gules

Red (from an animal’s mouth)

Sanguine

blood-red

Russet

Reddish-brown

Argent

Silver (or white)

Gilded

Painted in a gold colour

Russet

Reddish-brown

Ruddy

A flushed red face

Hoary

White with flecks of grey or silver

Swarthy

dark

Ochre

Yellow-brown-red colours found in clay

Pallid

Pale (no specific colour)

Wan

Pale like the moon or a person who has lost all colour in their face

Topaz

A stone with gold highlights

Amethyst

A purple stone

Lapis-lazuli

An intense blue stone (azure derives from this)

Umber

Brown

Remember, a search in a thesaurus can find many more colours. Try ‘Red’ and see what you find. (e.g. cerise; incardine) 29

Vocabulary for colour imagery continued - precious stones

As you will notice, semi-precious stones are often a good source of colour imagery, however, avoid the obvious clichéd examples such as “emerald-green” or “pearl” or sapphire-blue. If the stone is obscure (no one has ever heard of it) then hyphenate the stone with the colour e.g.

INTERACTIVE 4.7 Gemstone table

“chrysoprase-green” (a goldgreen colour mentioned in the New Testament and mined in Australia).

Find examples of 3 gemstones which you can use (as well as the two listed ones) and paste them inside the table.)

Cape Barren goose - Australia’s native goose

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5

IMAGERY Metaphors and imagery are a crucial part of creative Writing. These reflect your skill in writing: the more original they are, the better your writing.

Chinese Acrobats, Beijing

There are two groupings for language. Literal language (where each word or phrase provides its factual, surface meaning. The other is Figurative Language where there is a double or alternate meaning. Under this heading we include metaphors. Furthermore, when we use language, we want the reader to mental pictures or images.

Take the following phrase: It was an umbrella-black morning

or It was a coriander morning

It was a nutmeg sunset

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The Weather Putting some ‘weather’ into your story can ensure a very powerful descriptive piece but you should avoid these phrases: “it was a dark and stormy night.’ How about, “The cumulous clouds piled threateningly on each other, tenebrous and stygian, promising rain of immense proportions that would overwhelm the mild afternoon with its winds of destruction.” The aim here is to be original in your creative writing and avoid using phrases that have appeared before.

Fill out the chart below, identifying the different types of clouds.

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Birds

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Plants. Let’s start with a survey of the plants found in the neighbourhood and which are commonly used for landscaping. Here are a series of flashcards and following that a test. You should aim to include plants in your writing but it is important to know a little about each plant such as when they flower. INTERACTIVE 5.1 Plant flashcards

Brown Cuckoo dove

If you want to check these plants, here is a set of flashcards.

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An excerpt from a novel which conveys the power of descriptions of the landscape.

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6

RESEARCH Even an average idea can be improved with excellent research.

Corridor of Oaks, Mt Wilson, N.S.W.

The importance of research There are many successful novelists who have had an average plot but their meticulous research has produced outstanding results. Example 1 If you set your story in a professional race at a swimming pool, you should consider knowing some basic facts such as: how long is the pool? What chemicals are used in the pool? How many hours does an athlete train per week? What do they eat? When do they train? What chemicals are used in the pool and in what quantities? How much is an athlete paid or do they get grants? How and when do they taper down for a race? The answers to these questions should will directly affect the plot choices that you make. Here is another example: Example 2 If your story takes place on board a ship, there are whole range of nautical terms that you would need to know: the names of spars, masts and other parts of the ship; the sailing techniques and conditions and the various personnel on board. In fact a good writer will ensure that they spend some time themselves sailing if their story is to be convincing. In the next sections you will be doing research on another country and will write a story when completed.

Tower of Trinity College, Cambridge, England

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RESEARCH AND STORY How do you complete turn research into a short story? Read the Following article, Children of the Dust. In it you will find many details which could be used to compose a story. Research task #1 (which follows it) could also be used to accumulate detail which could be used for this story.

Background Information - Context The issue with which this article deals, the Child Labour Laws are still a considerable issue in India since this article was published. Whilst India has long ago passed such laws, enforcing them is not easy and little has changed even in recent years. Occasional prosecutions occur but for many, the reality of getting food and supporting a family is the critical aspect of existence. The same issue applies in Pakistan, Bangladesh; other Asian countries and some South American countries.

It is important in writing stories about these topics not to preach about the terrible conditions - in fact the children in these stories might not realize that there is any other kind of life.

Simply tell their story with descriptive language and see if their is a message of hope that can be provided at the conclusion.

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Children of the Dust - The Australian 1989

For Ganesh, the long Indian day begins at 5am. Breakfast is a chapatti cooked on a make shift stove on top of the brick kiln at Shiliguri, near Darjeeling. Ganesh is a labourer at the brickworks. By six he has picked up his first load of bricks, which he carries on his head, balanced on a board and cushioned by a turban. By the end of the day, when the sun has sunk in a haze of clay dust, he will have carried more than three tonnes of bricks to the kiln. It is back-breaking work; especially when, like Ganesh, you are only eight years old.

Ganesh, on the right, and his friends spend their lives in dust

To meet the nation's need for bricks, boys all over India like Ganesh work like beasts of burden for just a few chapattis (India's unleavened bread) and a handful of rice. They continue to do so despite the Child Labour Act of 1986, which forbids the employment of children under the age of 14 in potentially hazardous occupations including the building and construction industry. Violations by employers carry a minimum $1000 fine or three months' jail. But prosecutions are few, and the Labour ministry admits it has been unable to enforce the law because the children's earnings are crucial to their parents. That is why, despite the grinding toil and choking dust, there is no shortage of eager young re-

cruits at Shiliguri. In India, so great is the poverty that any job, even the mindless, deathly treadmill of the brickworks, is seized as a blessing. These boys will never know school or the luxury of playtime. They have been born into the lowest caste of Indian society - the Harijanis, the untouchables, and their parents can survive only by selling the children's labour. With their puny arms These boys willingly embrace a life of hard work as the only way to stave off the begging bowl and its attendant shame. For whatever else they may lack, they retain unquenchable pride.

Babaji, the street wise orphan who has seen it all

Such children grow up fast. At 10 they are little adults, by 30 old men, and at 40 they're finished, broken under the weight of the bricks or dying of silicosis brought on by the all-pervading dust. Ganesh has a friend, an older boy who speaks softly with a seriousness beyond his years. He knows everything. He is streetwise. Hence his nickname, Babaji the Wise Old Man. Babaji knows from long experience how to conserve precious energy for the strengthsapping task of loading the kiln. He knows how one more brick can always be squeezed on to each load. He knows the fearful grip of dysentery, and the merciful sleep that comes with exhaustion. He knows how to cook chapattis on an iron sheet over the kiln's red roaring vents, and how to keep going when every muscle is crying out for rest.

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Babaji is the gobetween, the intermediary who spans the gulf between the adult workers and the children. In the brickyard he explains to the eightyear-olds how he, too, was once a new boy, as shy and awkward as Ganesh, who arrived six months ago. When Babaji was nine his father died and he became sole provider for his four brothers and sisters. He left his home near the town of Darbangha and looked for work in Calcutta, but was too young to be a rickshaw boy, too innocent to break into the shoeshine gangs. In desperation he even tried to sell his blood and survived only by scavenging. Then one day he met a man from his home village who told him there could be a job at the kiln in Shiliguri. But that was a lifetime ago. Today Babaji is 13. For seven months these children have no home but the brickworks. They burrow like mice among the bricks, building makeshift dens in which to eat and sleep. But they prefer to spend the night on the kiln's flat roof protected from the mosquitoes by the heat of

the furnace. The kiln is huge: 150 metres long, 30 metres wide. With its endless columns of scurrying children it resembles an ant heap whose top has been kicked off, revealing frantic activity within. For seven months, from December until the onset of the monsoon rains in June, the kiln never stops. It is insatiable. Like some enormous beast it must be fed constantly: its fires stoked with charcoal, its belly stuffed with bricks that it can spew out baked at the rate of a half a million at a single firing. And all the time, for seven months without end, its twin cast-iron chimneys belch clouds of smoke and brick dust across the surrounding countryside. The dust is everywhere: a softness underfoot, a throat-prickling dryness in the air that clogs the nostrils and claims young lungs with the insidious kiss of emphysema. By the end of the day, hair, skin and every scrap of clothing is coated with fine clay powder. Even the nightly meal of chapattis and potatoes is so much dust in the mouth. No wonder the children call this "the work of the dust".

The boys receive a metal token for each load; Ganesh, 8, cannot carry as many bricks as the older boys.

For the children of the dust there are no holidays, no weekends, no days of rest except those enforced by dysentery or tuberculosis. Eight-year-olds live like their adult workmates and shoulder the same responsibilities, 41

weighed down as much by being bread winners as by their incessant loads of bricks. Leisure has no place in their existence. There is no time for lessons, no room for tenderness, certainly no laughs. They live only for the work, which means all the difference between survival and penury for their families. They demand nothing of the adult workers, except perhaps some care when they are sick. Otherwise, led by the indefatigable Babaji, they have learnt to fend for themselves, sharing the chores, buying and cooking the cheapest food and, at the end of the day, falling asleep huddled together like a litter of puppies. The children earn 15 rupees (less than $1.60) for every 1000 bricks they carry. With hands raised to steady his load, Babaji can support 12 bricks on his head. Little Ganesh can manage only eight, not so much because of the weight but because his fingertips won't reach any higher. Even so, he can still shift 1500 bricks a day. Each brick weighs 2.5kg, making more than three-and-a-half tonnes of bricks a day - nearly 800 tonnes of bricks in one season, balanced on the frail spinal column of an eight-year-old. Such are the devastating mathematics of poverty.

Instead, like all the child workers of Shiligun, they receive metal tokens - one for each load carried - which they count up in piles of 100 at the end of the week so that Mohan Singh, the contractor, can keep a tally to determine how much they have earned. Each boy carries a notebook, a prized possession in which these essential sums are kept. Only at the end of the season, when their seven-month stint is over, are their salaries paid - direct to their parents waiting at home. This was the deal Mohan Singh promised when he took their children away. The children trust Mohan Singh. He is no Fagin, just an older worker as poor as they, caught up like them in the hopeless travails of the Third World. He never bullies, never cheats. If anyone falls sick he does his best to find medicine. He would share his last chapatti rather than see a child go hungry. Mohan Singh is a

Good workers earn up to 200 rupees a week, from which 40 rupees are deducted for food: flour, rice, potatoes. Travelling expenses to and from their home villages, sometimes hundreds of kilometres away, are also deducted. Even so, the remainder represents a fortune to their families - the poorest of India's teeming poor. As for Ganesh and Babaji, they will see none of this money. They keep none for themselves, not a single rupee.

Babaji and the boys make their beds on top of the kiln with a few bricks, an iron sheet and a straw mat

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man of his word. Babaji knows this. So does Ganesh and all the other waifs in his charge, who return each year to toil and cough and collapse in the dust. The kiln at Shiliguni employs 50 children and 30 adults. There are no girls and no women. "The dust is a man's work," says Babaji with a flash of pride, and no one knows better than him. For five seasons he has laboured from dawn to dark with no respite except a three-hour break in the middle of the day, when the heat makes work impossible for all. Evening brings relief from the sun, but the kiln never cools. Every morning it is fed with charcoal through small trapdoors in the roof. Every morning the heavy iron chimneys are manhandled into a new position to keep the air moving through the flues below, maintaining a primitive production line so cheap to run that it easily undercuts any modern factory made bricks. Only when the monsoon rains draw near in June does the great kiln breathe its last. Another season is over; the children disperse. Some return to their villages to help plant the rice. Others move on. They have no dreams, no hopes, no aspirations - except where the next job is coming from.

that, too, is gruelling work, bent double under the heavy sacks in the ship's dusty holds. In India, so great is the poverty that any job, even the mindless, deathly treadmill of the brickworks. is seized as a blessing. For the children of the dust there is no escape. Denied the education that could break the endless cycle of poverty and set them free, they will remain unskilled until they die.

Each morning, the kiln's iron chimneys must be repositioned;

Babaji is going to Bombay. "I've heard they are hiring people to unload grain in the docks," he says. "It's better paid than here." But

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RESEARCH TASK #1 How to research a country for Creative Writing purposes. Instructions: You must take detailed notes and will need to research several different websites to obtain the information that you need. You should choose a developing country in Africa, Sth America or Asia. Name of the country you have selected : Name of the country you have selected : Go to this address and select the country that you are researching: 1. The 1st Website is: The World Health Organisation http://www.who.int/countries/en/ This will give you answers for the table below. For the latest news on the following topics, type “News now” into a Google search and the name the country you are researching and select the news item which appears and is most relevant. INTERACTIVE 6.1 Cross cultural statistics

To get further information on any of the countries and special topics (such as music) that you are researching, go to the following address: http://edition.cnn.com then in the search box, type in the name of the country and the topic 1. Write down the following statistics (found in column 2) 2. Follow the links through to Disease. (under ‘Outbreaks and Crises’) What outbreaks of disease have occurred and when? 3. Describe the disease and its effects. (You may need to look this in wikipedia) 3. Issues. This site mainly provides data. However, it is possible to access reports outlining issues. To do so, use the following links: Go to the main menu and Health topics. Then choose a topic such as Gender. Choose the region that you are studying. (eg ‘Africa’). Then choose a report such as, ‘Gender and Women’s Health. Such a report will outline the problems that women face in that region. Make a bullet list of some of these issues: Go to Wikipedia 1. Type in the name of your chosen country and enter. Place the flag and the map of the location of the following space: 2. Write 5 facts about the music. To do this, undertake a Google search

Sulphur crested cockatoo

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3. Write 5 facts about other entertainment forms such as dance, including the names

Picture 3 – Man or Child (Type in the name of the country and then, “man” or “child” afterwards)

4. Summarise the economic situation of the country

Picture 4 – Farming (Type in the name of the country and then, “landscape” afterwards)

Graphics

Picture 5 – Food (Type in the name of the country and then, “food” or “eating” afterwards)

It is much easier to write descriptively about a country if you have seen it. Graphics (which can be obtained from websites) will help you.

Picture 6 – Wedding (Type in the name of the country and then, “wedding” or “wedding banquet”)

Go to Google image search and find 6 distinctly different pictures of the country you are studying. Download these to a separate folder on your ipad.

Write your notes in the table below:

(You can do this by selecting “Google Images” and typing in the name of the country. Alternatively, if you know the name of a key city from that country you can use this.)

INTERACTIVE 6.2 Graphics table

For each of these pictures, write a description. Remember, the more that you describe, the more that you can use in your descriptive writing. Always ensure that you have “safe search” turned on for the website. You should also download the pictures to a folder on your ipad

Picture 1 – Landscape (Type in the name of the country and then, “landscape” afterwards)

Fig bird

Picture 2 – Woman (Type in the name of the country and then, “woman” afterwards)

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Using the language!!!!! It is very helpful to drop a few words of the indigenous dialect into your story. This gives the marker the sense that your story is well researched and that you are the master of the topic. However, this should never be overdone. You are, after all, writing a story in English. Never the less, it is not unreasonable that you refer to close and favoured relatives (grandma/ pa and mother/ father) in the language that is the most familiar. Similarly, foods that you use all the time (bread for example), might appear in the original language.

INTERACTIVE 6.3 Language

Type in “online translation” into google and choose one of the 9,220,000 translators that appear. Here are two examples: http://translation.babylon.com/

or http://translate.google.com/

If you are looking for a specific African language for example, simply widen your search parameters by adding “online translation” + “name of country”.

Australian Brush Turkey - a mound building bird

Now find translations for the following words in the table, 6.2

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Research Project #2 Read the following CNN article, “Lesotho’s Young Shepherd’s” (Lesotho is an independent kingdom which exists entirely within the borders of South Africa

The young herd boys spend months, sometimes years, away from their families, tending cattle and sheep in the isolation of Lesotho's mountains.

The rural mountainsides are where boys as young as five tend cattle and sheep. They are the herd boys of Lesotho, often spending months or even years away from their families.

In Lesotho, boys as young as five head out onto the rugged mountains to become shepherds.

(CNN) -- It's nicknamed "The Kingdom in the Sky" -- where blue, chilly skies linger over barren mountains, lush green mountains, snow-covered mountains. This is truly a kingdom of mountains -the southern African country of Lesotho. But the breathtakingly beautiful landscapes are a tough place to live and some remote highland areas can only be reached on foot or horseback. During winter time, temperatures can drop down to -4 Fahrenheit (-20 C) and bad weather can cut off much of the population for months.

During winter time, temperatures on the mountains can drop down to -4˚F (-20˚C). The herd boys' clothes are not always enough to protect them against the cold winds.

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"I wake up at seven in the morning. I boil some water and take a bath. I clean my surroundings and prepare for the day ahead. Then I take the cattle to the grazing field," says 17-year-old shepherd Thuso Leeto, who over time has formed a special bond with the cows that are his only companions and which he considers to be his friends.

The most challenging task is going to the field. That's what I find to be most difficult," says 17-yearold shepherd Thuso Leeto.

It is estimated that around a third of Lesotho's school-aged boys are shepherds. Becoming a shepherd is a cultural obligation in the country and often deprives young boys of any form of education. Instead, they live isolated lives.

Life on the mountains is both mentally and physically challenging. A lot of the shepherds form bonds with their only companions, the animals.

"I have (even) given them names and when I reprimand them they listen and respond to their names," he says. The work of the herd boys is both mentally and physically demanding, but their income is often the only means of support for their families. For one year's work, some boys will receive just one cow or 12 sheep. For one year's work in the rough highlands, the shepherds receive one cow or 12 sheep.stead, they lead isolated lives.

Prince Seeiso, younger brother of Lesotho's King and the country's High Commissioner to the United Kingdom, has co-founded a char48

ity called Sentebale, together with Britain's Prince Harry. The aim is to help support some of Lesotho's most vulnerable children, the herd boys included.

Lesotho has one of the world's highest HIV/AIDS rates, with around 23% of adults aged 15-49 being HIV positive, according to UNAIDS.

"There is not much social security in this country as far as the welfare or wellbeing of the herd boys (goes)," says Prince

Providing support and information about HIV/AIDS is one of Sentebale's missions, and it is also providing an education for the herd boys through night schools. "We are looking at the long-term goals of eradicating the need for herding, but in the meantime we try and bring some kind of respite in terms of education, in terms of appropriate clothing, in terms of appropriate technology, introducing them to mobile phones, so that when they are out there, they can be alerted to weather reports," says the prince.

Prince Seeiso, younger brother of Lesotho's King, has co-founded a charity called Sentebale together with Britain's Prince Harry. The aim is to help support some of Lesotho's most vulnerable children, the herd boys included.

Seeiso. Prince Seeiso explains that whilst the tradition of the herd boys goes far back in time, the herding used to be done by older men. "When the migrant labor began to get into Lesotho when the mines were opening, the older men went into South Africa and then there was a void. Then the kids became the herders," he says.

An estimated third of Lesotho's school-aged boys are shepherds. It often deprives them of an education, but Sentebale has set up night schools for the herd boys. Here, they can socialize and learn math, English and Lesotho's language, Sesotho. But they also learn about HIV/AIDS.

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Improving the lives of young herd boys

Going the extra mile for education and a hot meal

It's not only the possibility of floods, or the biting winds that easily find their way through the worn-out, thin clothes of the young shepherds, that threaten them. After rounding their livestock into holding pens and retreating to their own small huts, the herd boys nervously await the impending night.

As of October this year, Sentebale has three night schools for the herd boys, and Majoro runs one of them, in Semongkong, one of the remotest parts of the country. He has been teaching there for five years now, and this season he has about 30 students.

This is peak time for cattle thieves and jackals. Julius Majoro, one of the local night school teachers, became a herd boy when he was 12 years old. He knows the fears these young men face. "Many thieves come during nighttime and attack the shepherds. They sometimes kill them with a gun," Majoro says, recalling the feeling of isolation. "I used to be lonely because I was just staying with the animals, also not feeling free, during the day and also during nighttime because I was supposed to care for (them)." The isolation, the hunger (Majoro says he sometimes had to eat food left out for the dogs by the farmer who employed him) and the hard weather conditions motivated him to fight for the rights of the herd boys.

Former shepherd Julius Mojoro, pictured, has been a teacher for five years. "Education is their need. They need love. They want to socialize. And only here at school is where they get what they need," Majoro says.

"The word shepherd, it sounds like an insult ... because those people have been abandoned by society, by our nation by everybody. Nobody cares for them," he says.

It's winter time, and the classroom is cold. But many shepherds walk for hours after they have finished their work for the day, to get basic education and a hot meal.

"Now what I always try to tell the shepherd, (being) a shepherd doesn't mean something bad, it means you're doing something special."

"It's very, very cold," Majoro says. "Even if it's worse than now, they will still come. Education is their need. They need love. They want 50

to socialize. And only here at school is where they get what they need." The lesson plans involve math as well as English and Sesotho --the language of Lesotho. The young men are also being informed about HIV and AIDS. But it's not only about the education. Their eyelids may be heavy after a long day of working, but here they can socialize. Here, they can break through isolation.

Can you write a story based on this video? A story of hope which describes the events but doesn’t preach at the audience. Firstly, you should describe the landscape Here is a suggested opening: “Letesi looked up to the argent mountains and the umbrella-black clouds which hovered above him, bringing down their torrents of biting-cold wind to where he hovered with his sheep on the ochre grass. He wished again that .........”

"They don't grow spiritually, they don't grow emotionally," Majoro says. "They don't grow socially, which is part of their life, because if they are not getting those things, they are not well complete. "That's why we bring them here, teach them how to behave, counsel them. This is just like a big family." Before returning to their respective cattle posts, the herd boys of Lesotho sing and dance together, forming a community spirit in remote highlands, 1,000 meters above the sea. Then they walk off alone, again.

By Kiesha Porter and Jenny Soffel, for CNN September 26, 2013 -- Updated 1520 GMT (2320 HKT) Now watch the video at: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/09/26/world/africa/prince-rescue-childshepherds-lesotho/#

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Here is a modeled story based on the article, ‘Children of the Dust’ using the line, ‘On the Road’ which was set for the HSC in the late 1990s

Deepak looked over his shoulder as he trudged cautiously along the dusty, pebble-strewn road. Behind the dust rose in heated eddies, disturbed by the padding of the bullocks hooves in the brick making yard. Away in the distance his home lay, as always, the single thatched room for his mother and father and two sisters with the shade tree standing by the house, the last his father had left in this most recent of droughts.

*****

As he entered the baking room, his mother stirred, languidly in the dense air, shifting her sari with the vague movement so characteristic of the sick. Her recovery had been a long process since the medicine had run out and now that she was on the way to recovery his father had concluded that there was little point in increasing their servitude by borrowing from old Anee, the foreman of the brick making factory.

worn wooden container. It was nice too, to have the change of scene; watching the cattle of the nearby farms gazing idly into the bank of the river as they watered the growth of new grass which would come after the unusual delay of the monsoonal rains.

*****

He knew that he must not stay long and that Anee would berate him for slothfulness if he did not pick up the pace to the foreman’s fine house with its wide verandah and high wooden ceilings but it was rare that he should see his mother at noon and even rarer that the foreman should forget the keys to the book-keeping cupboard – the books that Vishnu knew were more coercive than all the Bhagavad Gita combined and all the weighty tomes of the Sanskrit scholars.

“Deepak is that you?” his mother called in her plaintive voice.

“Yes Mum, Anee has forgotten keys – he has sent me to collect them” he answered respectfully.

*****

It was rare, an opportunity to depart the yard in the middle of the day and he rather enjoyed the opportunity to exercise tired muscles, strained by hours of patting the thick, glutinous mud into the

“You must not be late then” she returned in that prideful voice, “Anee is an impatient man and must not be kept waiting”.

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“Yes Mum” – Deepak replied in that formal acceptance of the parent; ingrained into generations of children through adherence to a prescriptive culture. Inwardly Deepak noted the small details of his mother’s appearance – the extra lines on the face; the eyes which could not quite rise to meet his and the hand which drifted as it lacked energy to support the spoken command. Some days were worse than others and he intuitively knew that it would be many weeks yet before the battle with the poison of the snake would be fully won.

ures on the page, “put them on the table” he said “and return to the brickyard”.

*****

Peter turned from the statistical paper which he had been reading on third world economic conditions. How best to present these figures on debt slavery he mused, turning to his keyboard as his left hand reached for the ever present cup of coffee.

*****

Returning, he stood quietly at the door of the foreman’s hut. He looked at the bare cement walls, rusty with accumulations of a generation of the fine red dust which was characteristic of the region. Inside it was slightly darker, shutting out the glare and reducing the heat to almost manageable proportions.

By the desk sat the wooden cupboard with its curious lattice work of glass and lead light so reminiscent of the gaol which it really was; its shackles for more powerful than any physical chains the British had made when they took this bare brown land for their own.

The foreman barely glanced at Deepak as he motioned his pen, poised above another life sentence contained in small precise fig-

This story presents a very serious message about unfair working conditions in developing countries without ever preaching at the audience and losing their interest. The boy/ narrator never questions his lot in life – he doesn’t know any alternative and accepts poverty as only the poor know how to. It is left to the reader to form their own conclusions, however, they have been manipulated by the light description to do so. If the story was too heavy-handed they would reject the message.

The final paragraph gives the opportunity for a 2nd narrator to provide another viewpoint. He completely misses the irony – passionate as he is about the cause – that most coffee beans are picked by the poor working in the same 3rd world conditions.

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7

GOOD IDEAS A good idea will help your story but how do you come up with these under examination conditions?

Crocodile, Queensland

Here are some plot ideas related to Cross-cultural stories. Can you turn them into stories? * A boy in a slum finds a newborn puppy next to the mother stray dog which has tied in childhood * A shepherd boy in Lesotho discovers that he can learn to read in the evenings in a hall a local charity has opened up * A girl who has left home many years before after war and disease has ravaged her village returns home to find family or village intact * A woman who has given birth with a fistula receives help at the mission hospital and can return home or a boy who is injured receives help at the mission hospital * A village receives a new well (Before and after) * A wedding feast leads to the discovery by the reader that the bride groom and bride have never met before (or that she is young) * A sealed road is put through the tribal community - perhaps children play games and are the first to see the engineers * A young person leaves their village for the city * The monsoon rains are late - then arrive * The animals discuss the changes they have seen

Giraffes, Taronga Zoo, Sydney 55

Here are a few story ideas with Australian settings * After a long journey, a person arrives at their destination with unexpected consequence * An unexpected moment * A discovery that changes everything * An old family photo reveals a family secret * Inanimate objects reveal their feelings about the change in the environment * Remembering a significant person

View from parapet, Dunedin Castle N.Z. 56

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8

MODELLED STORIES Here is a sample of beginnings to stories and full stories to guide you Pancake Rocks, N.Z.

Story 1 Here is another type of short story. This is the story where a student is given a sentence or idea and has to respond. Here are two lines which are taken from examinations and some responses to them.

Write a story about the line, “She fell head over heels”

Possible settings: Paragliding – falls to death Olympic gymnast Animal being Skydiving Bird taking first flight

Theme – A journey as a metaphor

Tania moved cautiously to the back of the vehicle, guided by the disembodied voice in the microphone, “form up” , those proceeding to the left, crew to the right”. She had brought all her fears with her, neatly packaged in single thoughts, “what if it doesn’t work? What if I don’t like him? How will I be able to return from this one way trip?”

constructed cylinders of meshed, woven material, shimmering silklike with the vague capacity which allowed the viewfinder to guide their descent to pre-determined locations. The colours were hard to determine – as the artificial light on board caught them they were a muted silver-grey but she knew from the descriptions of the crew that as they hit the atmosphere they would on the hues of daylight shimmering gold with jets of blue, sapphire and red. Again her nervousness rose up inside her, threatening to overcome the little resistance which was left. All those months of tutorials, the orientation lessons “at first you will encounter some difficulties with the oxygen, take short, shallow breaths as if in water”. The hurried goodbyes to family, “you’re rejecting us, … aren’t you satisfied? You should be! … well, we each of us must follow our own destinies” … till finally the sadness, almost overwhelming in the complete loss and permanent rejection of her homeland – its tinkling seas and landform. At last it was her turn. As she clipped on the safety rack and projection padding which held all arms, legs and sundry reproductive organs in place (for they would definitely needed here if they were to re-inhabit this barren planet within the allowable cycle open to colonizing forms. “So strange she thought of those first few words at the orientation facility, “the blue-green planet [is] [was once] inhabited by a bi-pedal life form, of two genders and limited intellectual capacity – well that goes without saying! She thought – and she fell off, cocooned into the earth’s atmosphere, head over heels.


 Ahead of her, others were shuffling to the velocity pods, specially 59

This story has a sting in the tale – we think it is Sci-Fi (and it is) but the twist is a commentary on humans who have wasted the planet. The character has human feelings an emotions so that we are able to form an impression of the sadness of this waste through the eyes of an alien. It thus combines pathos (a sad tone) with strong descriptive writing possibilities and a strong social message which escapes us until the very last paragraph.

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CHARACTERS A series of stock characters can help you. Plan these before but avoid long descriptions of them

Canal, City of Bath, England

1. Creative a Meaningful Character We can make an entire story based on a character. Have you ever had a significant older person in your life? Perhaps you wanted one but for some reason never had such a person. You can still imagine how you would like them to be. You can still tell the story about this person

Often these people (for a range of reasons) are no longer available to us. They can move to different locations, get old or sick or even pass on. Part of the power of story writing is in conveying to others how meaningful a significant person was to us. This doesn’t require an ‘action’ plot. In fact, the better our descriptive language and the more heartfelt, the more effect this will have in connecting with our reader.

Activity 1 - Creating an older, relative Many of us have had an older person who has significant impact on our lives or who we remember fondly. We can tell a story about their lives which reveals to others the meaning they have had for us.

INTERACTIVE 9.1 Meaningful Character

The first step is to find a series of qualities. Let’s take someone such as a grandparent - and identify a list of qualities (you might wish to list a real grandparent or one that you imagine - a composite of qualities in people that you have seen or would like to have seen) In the table below, is a list of areas. You can add to these in the column below and then describe in detail these qualities in the place next to them.

Cape Barren Goose - Australia’s native goose

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2. Creating Backstory and names for characters Occasionally good writers talk about their characters. As they discuss them, it becomes apparent that their fictional characters become more substantial them real human beings. J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter is a good example of this. The success of this lies in creating the backstory. When you create a character, consider the following aspects of your character: 2.1 First of all, consider the name - Connotations. e.g. Gladys or Mable suggest older people

- Economics and class. How much do they earn? What is their status and class background? How much income do they or family members earn - What are their interests and Hobbies?

All of these are important issues to consider when creating character and you (as well as your reader) will find your story far more convincing if you have researched backgrounds and made considered choices about your characters.

- Long vowels give the name nobility - short vowels suggest the person is more common - the number of syllables - the longer the fancier the person e.g. Martin Rutherford-Hopkins 2.2. Back story - do they have siblings and parents? what are the names of these other people? When were they born? - What is their date of birth? (Research the period) - have their been incidents in the life such as near death experiences or medical problems such as breaking a leg; getting stitches - Locations: where do they live, birthplace (have they moved?)

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BUILDING A STORY AROUND AN OBJECT

Sunset, Denmark, W.A. Use the following graphics to present the events associated with the building below.

(One is from a street front in Launceston, Tasmania, the other is the motto and Coat of Arms of the Launceston City Council)

Launceston City Coat of Arms

What is ironic about this Coat of Arms and the graphic of the building?

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One of the ways in which students are often required to write a story is in response to a stimulus. Sometimes it can be a story about a simple object – a desk; a chair, a table; a bell. Here are some examples of stories written about objects.

The cage The Cage stood on the bench table contrasting oddly; its silver gilt and ornate wires flushed lightly against the dull Formica. It had sat there for several weeks now since Robert had found it, a prize of some local recognition and status amongst his friends. He wondered what he would put in it. Brightly coloured parrots? A frog? (The local creek seemed bereft of them now!) Bringing him back from his reverie he heard his mother shouting from the top of the stairs, “Are you ready yet?” Her voice, muffled by the plush carpet bounced oddly off the faintly yellow-chipboard walls. Undoubtedly she was now putting on her earrings. He could picture her head, angled to the side as she searched for the prized ear lobe under her bronzed, blond hair. Her makeup would already be applied: thick and luscious; lots of foundation. No one could tell her age to a decade under this stuff. She was Circe, forever young, forever searching for the young man who would lift her to her own personal Olympus.

The Table This table was not an ordinary one: it had curious wooden legs, turned in a Victorian factory by a craftsman of great skill. Its ponderous, wooden legs (all six of them) had an intricate tracery of vine leaves and bunches of stained, mahogany fruit climbing up; entwining themselves to the very edges where elves shyly poked faces from bushes; reaching to pluck the sweet fruit. The same craftsman who had turned the legs in his joinery and then carved, with the artistry of a Michelangelo or a Titian, such wonderful designs had not exhausted his talent even then. The top was multi-layered and the lacquers created the sense of worlds hidden in its midst. But even this was not the zenith of its qualities. This table had one thing that set it above all other tables. It flew. It flew to worlds beyond imagination: it flew to places that could only be experienced through the mind’s eye. When we sat around the table as children, my grandfather spun stories of other worlds: worlds that he had been to at that table….

Sometimes he despised her: the men she sought to date seemed only a few years older than he.

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The Bell

“It’s a shame.”

The Bell was old; cast 150 years ago in a Victorian furnace, it had travelled to the antipodes and back. Once, its bronze was gleaming and fresh, warm and earthy from the forge. Now it had a crack which ran from the lip, halfway up the curved, pitted side towards the tongue.

It was hard to divine whether the voice referred to the bell, the pigeons, the building or all of them at once.

It had been part of a Peal of Eight that had not been rung for many long years. In fact, not since the momentous day at the conclusion of the war when an over-enthusiastic ringer, with the last of his prodigious strength had strained the rope – and it cracked. For 30 years it had sat, unused by all but the pigeons who had found in its timber framework a most suitable position for rearing young and had besmeared and fouled it with their droppings. Until now. Six months ago, light had entered; long-rusty hinges creaked to allow the entry of human voices accompanied by the terrified flapping and retreating of wings. The bell, forlorn; sad, without purpose, meaning or justification for its existence was the only witness to the words, “This must go.”

“Still, there’s value in the metal” Harsh, the voice clattered and cracked amongst the softening down and darkness. It gathered in the gloom as the door was again shut. “Don’t ask for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee”

The Chair The Chair was old and torn. Once its bonded-red leather pattern had been the height of chic; soft, luxurious and inviting. The 1930s were long since over though. Now a triangular section hung loose from an upper corner and the twine-like coir stuffing poked through cracked, discoloured flakes of leather. Guiltily I looked around: mum was in the kitchen. Pa wasn’t home: the boy and girl were in their bedrooms, doors locked. I slipped up, tail to the ground, onto the seat. It was heaven with its glorious smells and aromas of a thousand human nights in front of the TV.

A new century; a new age. One in which churches were no longer wanted and the peal of a music on a Sunday morn an intrusion to sleep. Bells were not wanted in this day: least of all cracked bells.

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LAYING OUT YOUR STORY Good layout will help you structure your story and will increase the impact. Roman Baths, Bath, England

Being greeted with a dense page of text can be very off-putting for the reader. The writer should make the text inviting and should not be concerned about saving paper in this one instance. The following strategies are advisable: • Any dialogue should be on a line by itself with a blank line above and below • Dialogue from a new speaker should go on a separate line • indent dialogue • a key point of three words or so can be emphasized by placing this on its own line • When using stars to shouw a change in time and space, don’t use more than three and centre these in the middle of the page • A good story lasts about 4 pages of well-spaced text

Remember, good layout will help you construct your story.

Southern Highlands garden, NSW

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DIALOGUE Generally to be avoided at all costs as it interrupts the flow of your story. However, if you must, then there are a few short rules Folly, Hapsburg Palace, Vienna, Austria

RULES FOR USE OF DIALOGUE 1. Don’t use dialogue but if you must... 2. Write out your dialogue then reduce it till only 1/3 remains 3. Write in an accent (or dialect) if you can (but don’t be racist)

Remember, using dialogue generally interrupts the flow of the narrative and the atmosphere that you are trying to achieve through descriptive writing unless your name is Jane Austen.

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