Clean Language 12steps

Contents 1. Welcome to Learn Clean Language Online "

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2. The Clean Language Tough-Guy Challenge"

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3. Ready To See Inside People's Minds?"

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4. Are You A Good Listener?"

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5. Don't Press The Panic Button!"

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6. Jedi Skills: The Next Step"

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7. Are You Falling Short Of Jedi Status?"

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8. What Are You Using These Metaphors For?"

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9. Would Increased Clarity Be Useful?"

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10. Are You Getting To Grips With Problems Yet?"

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11. How's Your Action Plan?"

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12. Where Are You With Clean Language Now?"

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What happens next?"

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1. Welcome to Learn Clean Language Online Hello and welcome to Learn Clean Language Online. It's great to see you. Now, what would you like to have happen? Seriously. I'd like you to get specific. • • •

What would you like to have happen? What kind of difference would you like to make by using Clean Language? And is there anything else about that difference?

Let me explain. My ambition in setting up this resource is to help people like yourself to use Clean Language to make a difference. It's not just about knowledge for its own sake. Asking yourself those questions - and listening to your own answers - will help you to learn Clean Language, and to use it in real life. That's because: • You'll be starting to tap in to your own unique motivation. What you would like won't be identical to what others would like. Your motivation is what really motivates YOU. • You'll be already practising asking the most important Clean Language questions: the 2 Lazy Jedi Questions • You'll start off on the right foot, in the right direction for you. When you know what you want, it's much easier to go for it (and for other people to help you)! "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it." W H Murray 1 So, what would you like to have happen? Compare your answers with other members', here: http://bit.ly/GB4cQo Need some inspiration? Some very inspiring people use Clean Language, such as: • Caitlin Walker, who has used Clean Language to help a university department to deliver a huge increase in degree results (from 49 per cent to 73 per cent getting a 2:1), to sell herself, and to transform relationships within groups and teams. • Julie McCracken, a coach and classroom teacher who uses Clean Language with young children. Her conflict resolution model works with adults, too! You can get to know them both here: http://bit.ly/HSbZI2 (you'll need to sign in).

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No, not Goethe! http://bit.ly/IJCr53 3

What happens next? Clean Language is one of the most effective change technologies - it can "make change happen, whatever happens". And it points to a new understanding of the way people and minds work. You can start to use it immediately, and I hope you do. As you may have noted, there's a lot of content on the website. It's important to approach it step by step. To get you off to a flying start, Iʼve put together 12 specific activities and exercises to develop your skills. Do them, and you'll be on the path to mastery. Many of these activities will be most effective with a friend. So do please introduce your friends to the site! I'd be delighted if you would share, tweet, email and generally spread the URL http://learncleanlanguage.com   And please feel free to strike up, and participate in, conversations in the forum area.     When questions are posted I'll aim to answer - and if you have an answer, or perhaps an experience to share, please dive in!   Once again, welcome. And enjoy!   Best wishes, Judy Rees X-Ray Listener P.S. Are you curious about how Clean Language feels "from the inside"? Look at this video: http://bit.ly/GB6O0I

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2. The Clean Language Tough-Guy Challenge So, are you now nice and clear about what youʼd like to have happen as a result fo learning Clean Language? Then it's time for a real tough-guy challenge. It'll probably require significant effort, and may even make you sweat!* But it's well worth it. Because once you've done this, the rest of the process of learning Clean Language will be pretty straightforward. You'll have taken a significant step towards using Clean Language to make the difference that matters to you. So, here goes. Your challenge (should you choose to accept it) is to ask two specific questions each day this week, and listen to the answers. Those questions are called the 2 Lazy Jedi questions. You can watch a video about them here: http://bit.ly/I9lTnh (You'll need to sign in. If you've lost your username, or have any other technical issues with the site, please email me) You can ask the questions in any conversations you happen to be involved in, about anything the other person mentions. You can ask them in any order. Just ask them, listen to the answers, and notice what happens. You might find your conversations become more interesting. You might find you learn things that you otherwise wouldn't know. Post your results, and find out what happened for other members, here: http://ow.ly/bHtiZ Best wishes, Judy Rees X-Ray Listener * Some people find this is not a challenge for them. If that applies to you, try asking a sequence of two or three Lazy Jedi questions, using a soft and curious voice tone.

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3. Ready To See Inside People's Minds? Did you manage last week's Tough Guy Challenge? Did you ask the 2 Lazy Jedi questions every day? Have you posted your results here: http://ow.ly/bHtiZ? If not, it's not too late to join in! The Next Step: Metaphor The ultimate goal of a Clean Language facilitator is to bring people's metaphors to life, to give them form. Then something almost magical seems to happen, and things start to change in surprisingly beneficial ways. This can be a fabulous experience: one of my coaching clients recently called it "orgasmic". I resisted the temptation to ask, "What kind of orgasmic"!2 Noticing metaphors in what people say is the first step towards you being able to offer your clients that kind of experience - while keeping your clothes on :-) There are plenty to notice. People use about six metaphors a minute in ordinary English. And those metaphors provide crucial clues to what's really going inside a person's head. Because metaphor is the native language of the unconscious mind: all those metaphors in our language are a side-effect of the metaphors in our unconscious processing. Find out more about metaphor on the website here: http://bit.ly/I9oLQV This week's challenge is to really start noticing metaphors. Spotting them while watching TV is a great place to begin! What kinds of metaphors are easy for you to notice? Which metaphors did you almost miss? Please post your findings on the site, here: http://ow.ly/bHtiZ Best wishes, Judy Rees X-Ray Listener

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Incidentally, this can be a great exercise to try with your partner. Asking questions which direct a personʼs attention to something they enjoy almost always produces pleasant results :-) 6

4. Are You A Good Listener? Are you a good listener? Whether you think you are or not – how would you know? Itʼs slightly alarming to realise that if youʼre NOT a good listener, you probably wonʼt be aware of that fact! As James Borg points out in his bestselling book Persuasion, itʼs one of those things that people are often criticised for – but behind their backs. Think about it – would you try to tell someone he was a poor listener? And would he listen? By the way, how did last week's metaphor challenge go for you? Did you start to notice six metaphors a minute? Compare your results with other members here: http://ow.ly/bHtiZ This Week's Activity This week, we're going to work directly on your listening skills with a short exercise. You'll need a friend to help* - but there's a risk thatthey might actually enjoy it! Offer to listen to your friend for two minutes, as they talk about something thatʼs important to them. Your job is to keep them talking, without speaking. If they stop talking, stay silent and wait for them to start again. You can nod or make encouraging sounds, but: • • • •

DONʼT ask any questions DON”T offer your opinion DON”T start telling your story of when something similar happened to you… In short, DONʼT interrupt!

Set your phoneʼs stopwatch (really!) and get listening. At the end of the time, ask your “listenee” how they found the experience. For many people, itʼs the longest theyʼve been listened to in years! Even though itʼs an unfamiliar experience, most people enjoy being listened to – it makes them feel very special. And do notice how it went for you, as listener. Did you manage to complete the exercise? If so, well done! Did two minutes feel like a long time? Did you feel an almost unbearable urge to ask a question or tell a story? And did you take on board what you were told? Could you draw a diagram or picture? Try it now. 7

5. Don't Press The Panic Button! You've been a member of Learn Clean Language for four weeks. It's time to check in, before we move on to your next challenge. • • •

When you joined, what did you want to have happen? Where are you now in relation to that goal? And what would you like to have happen next?

Please update your goals on the site here: http://bit.ly/GB4cQo This Week's Challenge So, you're now using the 2 Lazy Jedi questions. You're noticing metaphors. You're developing your listening skills. There's one more crucial skill to master before we put it all together. You need to know how to get yourself out of trouble. It's the safety procedure - like knowing where the exits are on a plane. The thing is, Clean Language is deceptively simple and remarkably effective. Even as a beginner, you can use the Clean Language questions to go very deep into your client's inner world, very quickly. And when you go deep, it's possible for you to feel out of your depth, particularly when the client seems upset. Of course, the client is fully conscious, and has a choice about asking your questions. But if you've led them into deep water, it's as well to know how to get both of you out again. Like any safety procedure, it's best to practice this one before you need it. So, watch the video on the Power Switch question, here: http://bit.ly/I9lTnh and find one opportunity each day this week to practice using it.

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6. Jedi Skills: The Next Step Hi firstname, over the weeks we've been working together with Clean Language, you've learned some unusual skills. You're probably listening way more acutely than you ever have before. You're taking the trouble to ask slightly surprising questions of the people you encounter and you're listening to the answers. You've paid attention to the emergency procedure (AKA The Power Switch, here http:// bit.ly/I9lTnh). And you're noticing the metaphors people use in their everyday language. Six per minute, astonishingly! This week it's time to pull all those skills together and jump to the next level. This is when Clean Language really gets exciting. This Week's Challenge You're going to be using the Clean Language questions to develop a metaphor. Here's the routine: 1. Choose an ordinary, everyday conversation which feels suitable for practice. 2. Tune in to the metaphors the other person is using. 3. Wait for a metaphor for something pleasant or neutral. (If you don't catch a metaphor "live", wait for a pleasant thing to be mentioned and ask "That's like… what?") 4. Ask the 2 Lazy Jedi questions about the metaphor. Notice what happens. 5. If you feel confident, ask a maximum of two more Clean Language questions about the metaphor. Then stop, and revert to ordinary conversation. 6. Repeat steps 1-5, in a different conversation with someone else. Then post your results in our forum, here: http://ow.ly/bf0Uc I really want to know how this one goes for you! NOTE: Remember, if the conversation seems to be getting unpleasant for the client, use The Power Switch http://bit.ly/I9lTnh

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7. Are You Falling Short Of Jedi Status? How have your Jedi skills been developing this week? I challenged you to start asking the 2 Lazy Jedi Questions, in "safe" conversations, about some of the spontaneous metaphors you noticed. How's that been going for you? Please post your results, comments etc on the forum, here: http://ow.ly/bf0Uc Assuming you had the courage to take up the challenge, I expect your results will have been mixed. You're doing something new and different, after all. It's not reasonable to expect that you'll be wielding your light-sabre with elegance and efficiency on your first couple of tries. Sometimes, your conversational partner will have answered your questions easily and fluently - and will have had new insights as a result. But at other times, you'll have been met with a funny look. And you might have worried about it. What does that look mean? It means you've just asked someone to think a new thought. That's big. Most people think new thoughts only very rarely. It's like their thinking runs on rails, or in circles - and when you ask the Clean Language questions, you push it in a new direction. That isn't a bad thing. New insights come from new thinking: new behaviours come from new insights. Some people can experience new thinking as challenging - but in my experience most people recognise its value. So stick with it. This week's challenge Last week you were asking about the spontaneous metaphors people were using. This Weekʼs Challenge This week, it's time to ask directly for a metaphor, and then ask the 2 Lazy Jedi questions about it. The Clean Language question for doing this is: "And that's like… what?" Over the years, it's been found that this question is most likely to elicit a metaphor. For best results, ask it very slowly. Alternatively, you could try asking, "What's that like?" Some people will respond to this question with a metaphor, but by no means all.

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Here's the step by step procedure. 1. Choose an ordinary, everyday conversation which feels suitable for practice. 2. Wait until your partner is talking about something pleasant, or something they would like. 3. Ask for a metaphor for the pleasant thing, or thing they would like. "And that's… like… what?" 4. Ask the 2 Lazy Jedi questions about the metaphor. Notice what happens. 5. Repeat steps 1-5, in a different conversation with someone else. Then post your results in our forum, here: http://ow.ly/bf0Uc

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8. What Are You Using These Metaphors For? Are you up to your neck in metaphors? I'm guessing that the experience will have made you curious about the way other people are experiencing their worlds, and how different their experience is from yours. It may have got you thinking about your own metaphors, and how they influence the way you live your life. It may even have set you wondering, "Is everything a metaphor for everything else?" Here's another one to think about. What are you using those metaphors, and your developing Clean Language skills, for? I tend to use them in coaching, to help my clients achieve new insights about themselves and how to overcome the challenges they face. (If you'd like to book a sample session with me, click here: http://wp.me/P2hIlv-2S) But lots of people use Clean Language and metaphor for other purposes. To develop teams within organisations, for example. In mediation and negotiation. To develop children's learning skills. Hear more about this here: http://bit.ly/HSbZI2 So my question to you is this. Given what you know now about Clean Language and metaphor, what would you like to have happen? This week's challenge This week's challenge is simple. It's time to start using Clean Language in your work whatever work you do3. Because that means the skill will become more "automatic" for you. You'll also find ways to make it particularly relevant to you and your specific circumstances. In previous challenges you've chosen "safe" conversations for practice. Now the stakes are slightly higher. But it's still practice. It's about combining Clean Language with everything else you're doing, not about trying to be ask Clean as possible at all times. Push your comfort zone a bit - but not too far. How far you go is up to you. I'd suggest: • Ask at least one Clean Language question in every meeting you attend • Ask the 2 Lazy Jedi questions to clarify any instruction you are given • When a client or colleague seems confused, ask: "What would you like to have happen?" • When discussing any kind of "vision thing", ask for a metaphor. 3

If you work as a coach or therapist, you're probably already aware that Clean Language can be used as a standalone process for helping people to change their thinking and behaviour. Check out http://ow.ly/bovzS for these specific techniques. 12

9. Would Increased Clarity Be Useful? Before moving on, I hope youʼve taken up the challenge to try it at work, in whatever ways seemed most relevant to you. I wonder if you used the Clean Language to help clarify what somebody meant by what they said? Getting clarity is one of the applications that seems to be useful in a huge range of work contexts. It's so important that in some other languages, notably Dutch, the Clean Language questions are called "The Clarifying Questions". The thing is, people don't always have a great deal of clarity about things. They may be seeking help - even hiring expensive consultants - without having much clarity about what the problem is, or what they want instead. Armed with the Clean Language questions, you can help them achieve much greater clarity, very quickly. And at the same time, you'll get a better understanding of the situation yourself. That can be very valuable if you're the one who's been hired to sort things out! This week's challenge This week, then, your challenge is to use the Clean Language questions to help someone get clear about something. When you hear someone sounding a bit vague and confused, offer to help by asking a few questions which will help them achieve greater clarity. Then dive in! In this activity, there's no need to go searching for metaphors. One of the great things about the Clean Language questions is that they work well either with metaphor, or with everyday things and ideas. The questions will now be pretty familiar. Ask the 2 Lazy Jedi questions: • What kind of X (is that X)? • Is there anything else about X? Ask them in any order, as many times as you like. You might also ask: • Where is X? or • What would you like to have happen? And have fun helping people to get clear!

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10. Are You Getting To Grips With Problems Yet? This is week 10 - and if you've been keeping up with the challenges, that means that your skills will be developing nicely. So, let's take another step up. It's time to get to grips with problems. To begin, let me share an important distinction. Research has shown that in many, many situations, it's simply not necessary to explore the detail of a problem in order to solve it. In fact, if you simply help a person (or a group) to get clear about what they actually want, and pay attention to the things they are already doing which are taking them in the direction of what they want, that's usually enough to help them to achieve their goal. So when using Clean Language and metaphor in a coaching or therapy context, I'd strongly suggest you "go for the good stuff" as a first step. I'll say more about this next week, but if you'd like to study ahead the relevant materials are here: http://ow.ly/boxEG And having said that, Clean Language can make an excellent problem-solving tool. By using metaphor, people can get to grips with their problems in a different way, and engage more of their neurology in finding solutions. When you do this, just bear in mind that exploring the problem isn't going to be enough, on its own, to solve it. Once you and anyone else involved really understand the problem - or the metaphor for the problem - it's time to ask the Power Switch question. "And when , what would you *like* to have happen? This week's challenge So, let's break that down into a procedure. 1. Find someone with a problem! This isn't usually difficult. To begin with, make it a fairly small problem, with relatively little emotional resonance. You can build up to the big problems later. 2. Ask Clean Language questions, particularly the 2 Lazy Jedi Questions, to Help them (and yourself) to understand more and more details of the problem. 3. When the person gives you a metaphor for the problem, switch to asking your questions about that. (For example, if they say, "It's like we're wading in mud" ask "What kind of mud?" 4. Once you feel you both have enough understanding, ask the Power Switch question. (e.g. "And when its like we're wading in mud, what would you *like* to have happen?") 5. Ask more Clean Language questions about their response. As always, please post your results, questions, comments etc on the forum, here: http:// ow.ly/bf0Uc

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11. How's Your Action Plan? It's time to introduce another simple, but very effective, Clean Language question. I've been keeping this one back because for best results, I think it's important not to use it too early in a conversation. If you rush, important insights may be missed, and your work will not be as effective as if could be. However, to be fair, this question forms part of a "one-minute motivation" model that a group of Clean Language enthusiasts came up with a few years ago - and which has since been taught to hundreds of leaders of weight loss clubs worldwide. So, why not experiment with the timing and see what works best for you and the people you're listening to? Here's the question: "What needs to happen for X (to happen)?" As you can hear, it's a question about action planning. You can ask it repeatedly, to map out an entire action plan. This week's challenge What needs to happen for you to try out your new question in a number of contexts? • • • •

When you've been using Clean Language questions to help someone to get clear about something When someone mentions something they would like When someone spontaneously uses a metaphor for something they would like When you've just asked the Power Switch question, ask this question about the response.

Give it a go, and see which contexts work best for you. Did you prefer to ask the question early in the conversation, or later? What needs to happen for you to post your results on the forum, here: http://ow.ly/bf0Uc?

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12. Where Are You With Clean Language Now? Have you noticed how far you've come since you first joined www.learncleanlanguage.com? It's been quite a journey. And if you've been paying attention to metaphors, have you noticed how many of them involve space and movement - including journeys? Spatial metaphors are fundamental to the experience of being human, and so we use them to understand some of our most fundamental experiences. For example, it's almost impossible to talk about time without using spatial metaphors. (Try this one when you have lots of time!) Clean Language, therefore, gives special treatment to space and spatial metaphors. Clean facilitators use body language and gestures in an unusual way (get hold of my coauthored book, Clean Language: Revealing Metaphors and Opening Minds, for details.) And David Grove, creator of Clean Language, went on to create a coaching and therapeutic technique called "Clean Space" - see the Advanced Approaches section for more on this. But the most important thing for you to pay attention to is one of the core Clean Language questions: - And where/whereabouts is X? You can ask this question in a surprisingly large range of contexts. It may take your conversational partner a moment to answer because you're asking them to think about something new, but just wait and listen. It can be particularly useful when you're talking about people's (positive)feelings. Because the reason we call emotions "feelings" is that people experience their emotions by feelings sensations, typically in and around their bodies. Asking "where" can help them to connect with those feelings more easily - with all kinds of positive results. This week's challenge You've guessed it! Your challenge is to ask - And where/whereabouts is X? in as many contexts as possible this week. See if you can help at least three people to discover where they feel a positive emotion, like this: 1. Wait for a mention of a positive emotion. For example: "I feel happy." 2. Ask: "And whereabouts do you feel happy?" 3. See if you can get more precise about where they are feeling the emotion. For example, if they said "In my heart" ask, "Whereabouts in your heart?" 4. I wonder if a metaphor might emerge from that location?

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What happens next? We have now reached the end of the beginning - the 12 weeks of challenges I said I'd set when you joined www.learncleanlanguage.com I hope you've found them useful and that they've whetted your appetite for more. As you probably realise by now, there's a whole lot more to learn! What happens next? The purpose of this project, for me, has been to get hundreds of people actually using Clean Language in a way that makes a real difference. And I'm not yet convinced that I've delivered on that. So, it's time to bring in the big guns of behaviour change: the power of social connectedness. As you probably know, research suggests that your weight or your income will closely match the weight or the income of your five or six closest friends - and those are just the most obvious, easily measurable examples.There's something about small, tightly-knit social groups that makes things happen in the real world. And when you are a member of a small, tightly knit group of intelligent people who want to understand what people really think and feel… want to develop better relationships… want to make change happen, whatever happens… and want to change the world… then what happens? These groups - which I'm calling "Clean Learning Sets" - will be publicly launched in the next few weeks, and will start to meet (via the internet) in September 2012. There'll be three levels of membership, with different degrees of involvement from me. Now, here's the urgent thing (as at June 2012). The top level of group membership will include my "Unsinkable Coach" programme of individual training in Clean Language, direct from me, designed to take you to a level of competence where you'll never need feel stuck again! Full details are here: http://bit.ly/ LZNV9n Maybe you're rushed off your feet until September. But I know that for some of you, the very best time for this intensive training is… NOW! Because The Unsinkable Coach programme is based on one-to-one or two-to-one sessions over Skype with me, you don't need to wait for a group to get started. By the end of the summer, you could already be Unsinkable! So if you're interested in diving straight in, let's talk. Drop me an email (including your phone number) and I'll be in touch as soon as possible. (Early bird discounts and easy payment plans are available.) 17

And finally... If thereʼs something else youʼd like from me, please ask and Iʼll do what I can. I'm working on further learning resources but as ever, these will tend to be led by demand. I may also be able to refer you to other sources of help, online and off - there's lots going on and it can be hard to keep up. Just drop me an email or comment in the forum and I'll do my best to help. Please look out for my weekly newsletter… And do keep using Clean Language! Best wishes, Judy Rees X-Ray Listener

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