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Christian Homeschooling Minus the Stress
Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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Christian Homeschooling Minus the Stress
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Copyright © 2004, 2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
Christian Homeschooling Minus the Stress
Christian Homeschooling -MINUS-
the Stress BY SUE RUMSLEY
Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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Christian Homeschooling Minus the Stress
This little volume is dedicated to all Christian homeschoolers, especially the ‘strugglers’. It is also dedicated to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, with the prayer that He will use it for His Glory. Amen.
The author wishes to gratefully acknowledge the invaluable help of her friends and family, especially her husband Pete, in preparing this book.
All scripture quotations are from the King James (Authorised) Version of the Bible.
If this book has been a blessing to you, please let me know at Twitter: http://twitter.com/SueRumsley Thank you.
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Christian Homeschooling Minus the Stress
CONTENTS Introduction.....................................................................................................7 The Homeschooling Lifestyle
PART A Chpt 1: Chpt 2: Chpt 3:
Some Sources of Stress and Their Remedies
PART B Chpt Chpt Chpt Chpt Chpt Chpt Chpt Chpt Chpt Chpt Chpt Chpt Chpt Chpt
So Why Am I Doing This?.................................................10 What is Stress?..................................................................20 Spiritual Preparation for Homeschooling.........................28
4: 5: 6: 7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17:
PART C Chpt 18: Chpt 19:
Unco-operative Children...................................................38 Commitments Outside the Home.......................................50 Housework Stress..............................................................57 Babies, Toddlers and Preschoolers...................................81 Bookwork Overload...........................................................87 Curriculum Woes...............................................................96 Academic Stress................................................................107 Harassment from Extended Family..................................112 Fear of the Authorities.....................................................116 Financial Stress................................................................119 Tertiary Institution Requirements....................................125 Lack of Practical Help.....................................................129 Depression........................................................................132 Homeschooling Through the Hiccups..............................137 Sample Routines and Resources Schooling Routines for Various Ages...............................142 Some Resources and Contacts..........................................148
Afterword.......................................................................................................155
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Copyright © 2004, 2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
Christian Homeschooling Minus the Stress
INTRODUCTION
Another book on homeschooling. . . is it really necessary? Having witnessed the recent common trend of committed homeschoolers giving up and putting their children back into schools, the answer is, yes. We need this book and others like it to help encourage and strengthen Christian families out there who are homeschooling, were homeschooling, or would be homeschooling if only the task did not seem so formidable. Christians who feel they should be teaching their own children at home get busy reading books full of glowing accounts of the homeschooling lifestyle. Yet when they glance up from the page they see families they know dropping out, giving up homeschooling in defeat, and their enthusiasm begins to get the shakes. They hear tales of stress, and the phrase "homeschool burnout" is on everyone's lips. Even worse, they may see that some children who have graduated from homeschooling are just as worldly-minded as the other children in their fellowship, so why put themselves through all the stress of being a home educator? These are some of the questions that, with God's help, this book hopes to answer. The truth is, homeschooling need not add any stress to your life; in fact, done right it should reduce stress. If homeschooling is a `burden' Jesus has given you for your children, Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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it will be a light and easy burden (Matt 11:28-30). Jesus tells us in this passage that if we learn of Him to be meek and lowly in our hearts, He will give us rest. This applies to homeschooling as much as to any other part of our Christian walk. This book will show you that if God has called and convicted you to teach your children at home, He will faithfully give you the strength and wisdom to do so, if you follow His precepts, and DO NOT listen to the distracting lies of Satan and the world. This is essentially a practical book. It does not set out to hype up the reader to be a homeschool zealot, nor does it seek to supply an exclusive formula or method. It does not pretend to be a scholarly, authoritative or exhaustive treatment of the topic. The writer is a homeschooling mother who has made enough mistakes, and has hit on enough successes over the past decade and more, to have some tips to share. But she trusts that the real author and inspirer is the Holy Spirit who will use these simple words to help, heal and encourage you, the reader, to do all that God leads you to do to direct your children toward the Kingdom of God.
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Christian Homeschooling Minus the Stress
PART A
The Homeschooling Lifestyle
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Christian Homeschooling Minus the Stress
CHAPTER 1
So Why Am I Doing This ?
The Reason for Homeschooling There is one root cause as to why Christian parents become stressed and drop out of homeschooling. This is because they have either lost sight of the reason they are homeschooling, or they did not begin for the right reason in the first place. So why do families homeschool their children? Homeschoolers who are not Christians may teach their children at home for many reasons. For some, school facilities are too far away, or it is seen as a fad which appeals to the new agers and ‘neo-hippies’. Some might react to the poor literacy and numeracy rates in the public schools by choosing to homeschool, and some may just want their children raised without the inhibitions of a school schedule. What about the Christian homeschooler then? Can he homeschool for any number of reasons? There are a number of benefits for the Christian who homeschools, such as more efficient learning, but there should only ever be one reason. The one reason why any Christian family should be homeschooling is that God has called that family to homeschool. They are doing it in obedience to a call. By obeying the call, they demonstrate their conviction in this area of their family's walk. Is homeschooling right, then, for every Christian family? Perhaps the answer to this is, potentially yes, but in practice, no. Why? Because it is God who calls and 10
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convicts, just as He might call, convict and equip many families into the foreign mission field, but not all. Those who homeschool do so in obedience to Scripture, as do those who evangelize the heathen. But God has different purposes for different families. We must recognise God’s right to direct his own followers, and not allow our zeal for homeschooling to turn into spiritual pride. We don’t want to find ourselves in the awkward place of considering it sinful not to be homeschooling. (What! Were you a homeschooler all your Christian life? Or was there a time when you did not homeschool? Were you still a Christian then? What about all the godly men and women of recent centuries whose lives were unquestionably consecrated to God through obedience, yet their pious children went to public school?) It must be confessed that this writer's family, in times past, spoke out their view that "for the Christian, homeschooling is not an alternative, it is the only way". This condemning and pharisaical notion has since been repented of! So then, we can see it would be as foolish to say it is a sin not to be homeschooling, as it would be to say it is a sin not to be on the foreign mission field. But if there be any who feel called and convicted to lead their family into this lifestyle, let this little book encourage you to go to God in humility and let Him lead you into homeschool success. Those who homeschool for wrong motives are quick to drop out when circumstances change. What could be classed as a wrong reason for a Christian to homeschool? Let me try and give you some examples. A poor reason to be homeschooling is just because everyone else in your circle is doing it. Perhaps it looks more `spiritual' to be homeschooling in your particular fellowship, while in another group it would be considered odd or fanatical, and you wouldn't be caught doing it! If, then, you are only homeschooling because your peers are, you will easily fall aside when it seems too tough, or when your friends quit. If you are homeschooling primarily for academic excellence, you may be tempted, by the pride of life, to place your children into mainstream education later where they can have competitors to outshine. People begin homeschooling for all sorts of reasons. It may have been because of a problem, such as school bullying, but this is unlikely to change the whole family’s lifestyle. If the problem goes away, the family may stop being homeschoolers. However, it is also possible to begin for various motives, and after a while come to see God's wonderful purpose for your family through homeschooling. This was the case with our own family - we only intended to homeschool short-term until our church re-started their Christian school. Some may begin educating at home because of the ill-health or immaturity of their child. But conviction may grow, and you may find yourself becoming established and steadfast as a family that has been called to teach their children at home. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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Can there ever be, then, a valid reason not to homeschool? I believe this, too, is possible. For example, a family we know is moving to a European country where homeschooling is all but unheard of, and virtually illegal. The citizens are not pressuring the government to permit homeschooling because in their economy all parents must work to generate a bare living. No one can afford to stay home to school their child, nor is there a strong Christian culture there promoting this idea. If, therefore, you lived in a country where homeschooling was not allowed, you would pray for God's guidance and wisdom in the matter. The Lord may want your family to obey the government of the land, or make an appeal to authority, or relocate, or be guided in some other way. There is yet one other reason to not homeschool, even when a calling is felt by the mother. If the head of the home, the husband and father, is against homeschooling, the wife must submit gently, willingly and cheerfully to his authority. If you do a Bible study on the relationship of wives to their husbands, you will find that a wife who is obedient to Christ will always submit to her husband, even if he is unsaved, unless he directs her to commit an outright sin. What should a sister do then, when her heart yearns to homeschool her precious children? Why would God give the calling, but frustrate her acting upon it? Strangely, God sometimes works this way. Think of the Apostle Paul in Acts 16:7 who, though called to preach the gospel, was prevented from doing so in Bithynia by the Holy Spirit. You may have to pray and wait on the Lord to change your husband's heart. One thing is sure, however. The stress caused by homeschooling your children in open defiance of your husband is unresolvable. Put them back in school and let the Lord teach you patience while you wait for His timing. Don't worry, your children are even more precious to God than they are to you. His way may not always suit us, but His way is perfect! (Ps 18:30) Alright, so the real reason Christian parents should homeschool is because they want to obey God's call to do so. What, then, is this call? While knowledge of homeschooling may come through friends who are doing it, through books or magazines, the call to homeschool comes directly from God, through prayer and the Scriptures, into the believer's spirit. For example, you may have read the following verses over many years without linking them, in your heart, to the need for homeschooling: Deuteronomy 6:5-7 "And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. "And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: "And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, 12
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and when thou risest up." Ephesians 6:4 "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" When God places a call to homeschool within your heart, verses like these are quickened to your mind and become personally applicable in a specific way. If your children are in school, you might begin to feel very strongly that there are not many hours in the day when your child is available for you to be teaching them God's Word. You begin to consider that one hour's instruction a week at church or Sunday school is not what God is likely to call `diligent' teaching on your part. You notice a marked increase in the degrading and satanic influences around the shopping centres and become very concerned at the worldliness your child seems to be picking up every day. Perhaps your child is in a Christian School and you are surprised to discover that the school uses secular rather than Christhonouring materials (to save costs!), and that a significant portion of the student body are not even from Christian homes. You might begin to suspect that although the teachers are dedicated and godly, your child's real tutors are ... other children. You might look at children of Christian parents around you and realise that you don't want your children turning out like most of them. You become deeply anxious about your children's souls and cry out to the Lord in prayer. He hears you and repeatedly brings to your attention articles, verses, people and incidents connected with homeschooling. Your spouse brings up the topic unexpectedly, and slowly a conviction begins to take hold in your spirit that homeschooling is the tool God wants you to use to keep your child "unspotted from the world"(James 1:27). If God is calling you to homeschool, He may deal with you in some way similar to that described above, until you feel you can do nothing other than obey the call. God likewise draws missionaries to the field by burning verses like Mark 16:15 into their very souls: "Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." For the Christian homeschooler, his primary mission field is the children God has given him. In addition to taking the practical steps that will be suggested in the chapters in Part B, you can greatly reduce the possibility of stress by keeping the sacred reason for homeschooling before your eyes: God's personal calling to you. If you re-commit yourself to obey God's call every morning before your day begins, the reason you are doing this thing will become firmly implanted in your mind and heart. Stress can sneak in when we forget why we are homeschooling. We could then lose our sense of purpose. Or worse, we may get Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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side-tracked into including all sorts of wonderful activities into our programme which do not contribute one bit towards our goal of training our children in godliness, but do contribute a lot to our stress load. Too many extra activities divert and distract you, eating up your energy and time. Where are you right now? Perhaps God has given your family the vision of homeschooling for His glory. Perhaps you started out, full of zeal and great ideas, sparking others with your enthusiasm along the way and declaring "God has called us to homeschool!". Now, perhaps you have let stress factors discourage you and you are on the point of giving up. Has God changed His mind? Or have you? Stop and think for a moment of all the things that first convinced you that homeschooling was right for your family. Have these things changed? Don't give up! Isolating the trouble spots in your present situation and applying some remedies will give you renewed vigour to go on. Finally, think for a moment of what a God-given privilege it is to have the freedom to homeschool at all. In countries where a Communist regime indoctrinates all the children by force, how Christian parents would envy your freedom to homeschool! They couldn't imagine wasting such a precious opportunity, especially considering how quickly our children grow up. Suddenly the opportunity is gone. What about the hundreds of dollars worth of Christian educational materials sitting around in your house, or that Bible curriculum you can't be bothered using? Christians in other countries save and go without for years to buy a Bible of their own. If they had but a quarter of the spiritual resources you've bought, they would cease not to praise and thank God for the abundant blessings He has showered on them to help them teach their children God's precious Way to eternal life. Are we so `rich' that these things are no longer precious to us, and we can't be bothered making the effort?
What Exactly is Homeschooling? Homeschooling is often also called `home-educating' or `home-training', and these terms are perhaps a more accurate description of what takes place. What we mean by `homeschooling' covers both `education' and `training' in the Word of God, in Christian lifestyle, in branches of knowledge and in vocational skills. All this takes place in a home setting, rather than a school institution. Also, the child is instructed by his parents, and by parent-approved materials, rather than by a third party using resources not selected by the parent. The head of the homeschool is the head of the home. This will be the husband unless the mother is on her own, for the husband is directly accountable to God for 14
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the upbringing of his children (see for example 1 Samuel 3:13). The father and the mother each have a role to play in child training, as described in Proverbs 1:8 ; "My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:" In practice though, since most fathers in our society work away from home, they rely on the mother to implement the daily training. Ideally in this case, the father should consult regularly with his wife and children as to the effectiveness of the training he has decided upon, since he is accountable to God for the results. A wife who has been given freedom to homeschool by her unsaved husband will prayerfully train as God leads her and in accordance with her husband's wishes for his children. Generally then, Christian homeschoolers will spend a part of the day teaching their children directly from God's Word, and instilling Christian character virtues, like truthfulness, in their children as they perform household tasks together. They will study God's divine order and perfection by learning mathematics, physics, chemistry and astronomy. They will become fascinated with God's creation as they discover amazing facts about animals, plants, birds and sea-life. A study of geography will reveal God's grandeur in mighty rivers, powerful volcanoes, vast seas, or iced mountains. Children will use God's gift of language, learning to read His Word for themselves and other treasures in print, then learning to write well that they might one day further His Kingdom by their pen. A study of societies will show that in every land and at all times, man's constant, hopeless attempts to find satisfaction outside of Christ have resulted in the turbulent periods documented in our history books. The homeschooler experiences the learning of life in its natural context of living, and not in an artificial classroom environment. Love for God rather than self should be the motivation, and the end purpose, of every one of the day's activities. Having an order of priorities that reflects this purpose will avoid needless stress. For example, in our home, the order of priorities is as follows: First, things that promote our spiritual growth take priority over everything else. Therefore all other activities should fit around the daily family Bible time, devotions and prayer time. The spiritual programme is not to be fitted into any spare time at the end of the day, should there be some! Even if the husband cannot be present to lead his family for every one of these exercises, they should not be neglected by the mother. "Oh," you say, "I can't fit all that in every day, I'm hard pressed now!" I know you are, and that's the reason for this book. Because of that, it's time to set priorities, and here is the first one. Who gives you the gift of time, anyway? It is God, so give back to Him the firstfruits of it. The second priority in the homeschool is housework. Every child helps mother, from the toddler up. This means that mother is not stuck with the dishes because Junior has not finished his maths. Dishes come before maths in priority. Junior must help his Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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sister do them before he can get back to his maths. For the purpose of your Schoolwork Diary (more on that in Part B), you might style housework as `Domestic Assistance', cleaning the toilet can become `Sanitation Studies', sewing on a button is `Apparel Maintenance' and teaching your six year old to bring Dad a cup of tea and toast in bed is `Home Catering', in addition to being a nice surprise! The point is, housework is part of the children's homeschooling. It is a team effort, not something extra mother has to cope with on her own while the children go off and enjoy their art class, ballet and netball! The home is shared by all, so the work of the home is shared by each as their abilities are trained. (More about dealing with housework stress in Part B.) The third priority is vocational training. This means work and skills, other than general housework, that will support your children in their future roles as husbands and wives. For our girls, we consider that their main vocation will be as a `keeper at home', in obedience to Titus 2:5. Their skills, such as home decorating, knitting, sewing clothes, preserving food and shopping can be put to use now, as well as being a preparation for their own homes. A girl might also train for homebased businesses like market gardening, or learn skills which may be of help to her future husband, like keyboarding (typing). Both boys and girls should practise teaching their younger siblings, cousins or friends, since they hope to be homeschooling parents themselves one day. Perhaps the boys would like to learn the skills of their father's own trade. If not, they can still be on hand when Dad is mending things, learn to chop wood safely, practise changing a tyre or take over the management of the chicken coop. You may decide that once the boys are over fourteen and can do all the usual housework chores to perfection, vocational training might be promoted to second priority for them. You can still call them to action stations (like the kitchen sink) in an emergency! In practise then, when Junior is poring over the spelling book and Dad calls for a hammer, Junior rushes to Dad's side, because the hammer (vocational) has priority over spelling (academics). "Mmm," you say, "doesn't this cause a lot of confusion and unfinished bookwork?" Not usually. Often the vocational skills have a planned timeslot, as do the academics. But when a `conflict of interest' does happen, it is entirely useful to consult one's order of priorities. You have probably guessed that the fourth and last priority in the homeschooler's day is the academic subjects, consisting mostly of `bookwork', plus extras like sport or music. These subjects are not unimportant, and you will probably schedule time every day to make progress in each. But you will not need to spend nearly the time on them to be proficient that most educators would have you believe is necessary. Two to three hours is a realistic average, and a student who has learned to be really efficient can get by with a lot less. Don't believe it has to look like you're doing `school' for six hours a day - the 16
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children are learning for even longer than that, but it doesn't have to be out of a book. You can write down everything they do in the day as `schoolwork'. Spiritual exercises might include reading and character development, housework might include sorting and matching socks (maths), and vocational skills for the day might be gardening (botany). So why, in Christian homeschooling, does traditional education (academic bookwork) seem to take such a low priority? Simply because the purpose of `traditional education' is to equip students for ‘life’. And life consists of spiritual growth, daily tasks and activities around the home and around the workplace. (Of course, life also includes various types of recreation, but we are not supposing your children have to be taught how to play!) In the commercial world of earning money, business success results from sound character attributes like punctuality, honesty, cheerfulness, hard work and diligence, not from good spelling or knowing all the world's capital cities. So academics are simply a tool to support the more important life skills, and should be viewed in this perspective. In summary then, the homeschool priorities should be: 1. Spiritual and character development. 2. Supporting the running of the home. 3. Learning life and vocational skills. 4. Academic skills like reading or maths. For some, simply readjusting their priorities as above will eliminate a lot of stress. Homeschooling is a valuable tool parents can use to help equip their children spiritually. Homeschooling your children does not guarantee their ultimate salvation, but it can go a long way towards reducing the world's grip on your child's heart. Homeschooling is a lifestyle, just as being a Christian or being a spouse is a lifestyle. It should become your life, not just an extra activity tacked on to your life. Do you wake up in the morning and say to yourself, "Will I be a Christian today?", or "Will I be a wife today?" Of course not! You have made a commitment towards these things for life, not for a day or a week. If God has called your family to homeschool, let homeschooling be your lifestyle. Sure, you may have to put a little more care and effort into your life as a Christian wife than as an unbelieving single, but who'd change places? Likewise, the rewards of the homeschooling lifestyle far outweigh the work involved, especially when love for our children sweetens the task. As in all Christian parenting, in homeschooling we are building children's lives. If we think of a young life as a potential dwelling place for God's Holy Spirit, we can picture it as a building growing up stone by stone. We as parents want to carefully select and place these stones, with God's help, until the building is sound and sturdy and no longer needs outside support. There is no surer foundation for our little buildings than Jesus Christ the Rock. Homeschooling gives you the most time and opportunity to plant your children's feet firmly on the Rock. Use it! Get into God's Word with a contagious excitement and Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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throw away the clock! Can I Really Do This? "Look," you say, "I very much want to homeschool, but I'm not very creative. I was never much good in school myself. I'm not organised. What if I miss teaching them something? I really believe I should homeschool, but . . . can I really do this?" The answer is, very honestly, yes. And it is yes for some very good reasons. First of all, homeschooling is based on obeying God's call to you. God doesn't call you to obey something that is beyond your ability. Trust God to supply each day's strength and wisdom as it is needed. Secondly, you know you can do it because, as a parent, you have already been doing it. To be a parent is to teach a child. Up to normal school starting age, who taught your child to speak? To hold a pencil? To say his colours? To use the toilet? To count? To pray? To identify animals? You, of course. It is the most natural thing in the world to simply carry on as you have begun. "Oh, but I'm not an expert," you say. As your child's parent, you are the best expert available. You already have a learning relationship with your child that any teacher would envy. No matter how much they say they love teaching, a paid teacher teaches for money. (Yes they do; how long do you think they would keep teaching your child if their wages were stopped?) You as parent have a much higher motive: a God-given love for your children. Junior's grade two teacher has an interest in Junior's progress only until the end of the school year. But you want his best for the future too. Studies have shown that the children who do best in school, are those who are tutored the most at home by the parent. Now here is an enigma. The schools have your child for six hours a day, but they cannot seem to deliver a complete education in that time, and therefore must send schoolwork home so that you the parent can make up the lack. If you often supervise homework, obviously you can homeschool. This interaction between school learning and home learning can be quite comical. A friend of mine had a child in school who was struggling with his letters. "You should practise a lot more with him at home," his teacher said accusingly, "or he might never read." As it so happened, this friend had begun to consider teaching him full-time at home. "Oh, well," she replied, "I think I'll pull him out then and just homeschool." The teacher was horrified. "Don't do that," she said, "he won’t learn that way!" (??!) If you can read, you can teach your child to read. There are many resources around to help you do this, but really, you don't need much. Two hundred years ago, schools often used the Bible as their only reader, and I don't see a lot wrong with that. I have 18
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recently seen a phonics seminar advertised which is designed to teach homeschooling parents learn-to-read methods. Because a parent has to pay over one thousand dollars to attend this seminar, the impression given is that teaching reading is somehow a most exclusive skill. This is just not so. The falling rates of literacy among school children and all the expensive remedial programmes being tried may lead you to believe that it is the hardest thing in the world to teach a child to read. This is just not so. I have in my possession a copy of the 1911 edition of The Sunday at Home, which reports that the nation of Iceland, numbering 75,000 inhabitants, had a literacy rate of 100%. Now, although the article did not go on to say how they had managed to teach every Icelander to read without expensive seminars, as a Christian nation it is quite possible that the Bible was their main reader. Actually, learning to read can be taught in so straightforward a manner that, without instruction, some children will actually teach themselves. With clear, simple guidance, a motivated child can learn to read almost overnight. For example, before we began to homeschool, our five year old daughter had come home from a Christian school reading. I presumed her pre-primary teacher had taught her, and as I found out later, her teacher thought I had taught her at home. Now admittedly, such `overnight' readers are the exception; some of our children have taken much longer to become fluent. However, Theodore Macdonald, a 1960's educator, said in his books that in thirty years he never failed to teach a child to read. I believe him. And it’s important to know that once a child can read well, they can actually educate themselves. You really can homeschool. Yes, you may get off to a shaky start, and you might take a while to find your feet and get into a comfortable routine. But don't be too hard on yourself or impatient; you are probably pioneering new ground for your family. After all, you weren't homeschooled, were you? Perhaps your parents were not even Christians, so it's up to you to start from scratch. But you will have a precious heritage to pass on to your own children. Maybe there are no supportive grandparents handy to ease your load occasionally, but you can make sure you'll be available when your grown-up children are working hard to homeschool theirs, right? And your children will thank you. You can do it.
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CHAPTER 2
What is Stress ?
Living Low-Stress in a High-Stress Society The Western society in which we live is a culture dominated by material wealth, access to a host of facilities and services, and an abundant choice of activities with which to fill one's day. And night. It was proclaimed a few years ago that the high-tech advancements and labour-saving gadgets of this present age would free people up to enjoy more leisure time. But society does not seem to have taken on a more leisurely pace at all - in fact, quite the opposite. Where, then, is all this speed and pressure coming from? While there are several answers to this question, we will focus on just a few aspects. Before the industrial revolution of the late eighteenth century, work was generally physical labour in a predominantly rural setting. The farmer worked the land, breathing the fresh air, viewing the peaceful country scene and arrived home, quietly weary with the day's honest labours. Now nearly all workers have an inactive city job. Sitting at a desk or counter all day fills them with a nervous restlessness, from which they find they have to `unwind' after work. The city worker is ceaselessly bombarded by sights and sounds designed to stimulate and attract his attention. In the office, the ease with which information can now be relayed instantly over long distances means the pressure is on for faster and more intense 20
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Christian Homeschooling Minus the Stress
competition. Stress is not only limited to the workplace, however; it creeps into the home. The home is a target for clever advertising which creates a demand for more and more material possessions. Although families are now smaller, houses are bigger, needing more amounts of modern furniture to fill them, bigger incomes to pay for them and more work and money to maintain them. We have so many `things' to keep track of, that trying to organise it all becomes a major headache. (Compare this with the old-fashioned Chinaman who owns his bowl, his chopsticks, and his tiny house. He might have stress, but not the sort that comes from owning too many things!) Although the ingredients of a high-stress society are all around us, we can deliberately choose to live a low-stress lifestyle. How is this possible? Picture yourself deciding to take a camping holiday during your annual leave. You pack a tent, sleeping bags, your Bibles, a mini stove, a pan, some tinned food and a can-opener, and a plate and spoon each. In fact, you only take what you can carry in your backpack. You walk along a bush track, find a lovely grassy spot by the river, make camp and that's your home for two weeks. You have planned to do nothing but relax. You read the Word for a while, take a stroll, examine a gumnut, a leaf, a stone. The children frolic and splash, climb trees, make cubbies and toast marshmallows. You sit around the campfire singing and telling stories of when you were young, then you all turn in early to bed. After two weeks you are so completely relaxed and your mind has found such peace and spiritual nourishment, that the only remaining source of stress is the thought of having to return to work on Monday! Alright, I realise the scene I have just described, although low-stress, is not a rational option for most families long term. But some features of the camping holiday could be made a permanent part of a low-stress lifestyle. As Christians, to some degree we need to adopt a `grass hut mentality'. Or, as my husband reminds me when I seem to be frazzling over something, "Remember, we're only camping." He's right. This world with its attachments is not our home, but it has the power to distract us from making good preparation for our eternal one. If we let it. You might begin by taking just one small step in this direction, such as getting rid of the television. This alone would reduce the stress in the home by reducing noise, the covetousness triggered by ads, programme squabbles and worldly viewing. Family harmony would be promoted by reading together, talking, praying, looking over photos, doing puzzles or playing Scrabble. This would be a great start towards a low-stress lifestyle. Not every family these days can realistically get by without a phone, especially if it is needed by the husband's job. But if your phone is just for casual Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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communication, get rid of it and return to letter-writing. "What!" you say, "a letter would take longer to write!" Maybe. But you'll write fewer letters than you made phonecalls, and you'll find out who your real friends are : those who make an effort to write back. Our family has not had a phone bill now for six years. For two and a half of those years we had a line which allowed incoming calls only, for which there was no charge. If we need to make a call, there's always a phone box, but it means our calls are well planned in advance. Phone stress occurs because of its urgent interruption to whatever we are doing. A ringing phone takes priority over nearly everything else, even our prayertime. It is an attention demander, and a `little mobile god' to some people. If you need a phone, take control over it instead of letting it interrupt your day. Perhaps put it in the workshop cupboard with the ring switched off and use an answering machine or message service. But don't allow a phone to add unneeded stress to your day. So why is the western culture a high-stress lifestyle, when all our laboursaving technologies should give us a life of ease? Mainly because we simply use right up to the capacity we have been given. For example, Mrs Smith finds herself spending an hour a day on mending to save buying new clothes. She is given a sewing machine by her loving husband to save her time and work. But instead of now finishing the mending in half the time and having an extra thirty minutes to spend with her husband and children, she takes a sewing course, buys patterns, fabrics and sewing magazines and spends two hours a day at the machine. Mrs Smith now has a new focus and direction in her life. Each new thing we own or new interest we take up might increase our capacity, but it tempts us to head off into an increasing number of directions, and we lose our Christian focus. Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with sewing machines! But what if the Smiths buy a horse and take up riding, get a second vehicle because of the children's sports, join a fitness group, start art classes, buy a knitting machine, a fishing boat and a barbeque? Their life is no longer simple because they will try to make full use of everything, or feel guilty and wasteful when they don't. These are the seeds of stress, and the enemy of our souls uses them to fragment our focus. Have you perhaps fallen into this pattern? When was the last time you spent a half hour kicking the ball around with the children in the backyard, reading stories or making playdough with them? When did you last spend time with your spouse, doing nothing but talk and walk together? What has stopped you? No time? You have the same amount as anyone else. Ask God for more wisdom in using it. You know that if you were suddenly seized up with pain and told that you had one week left on this earth, you would not spend that time at the sewing machine. Your priorities would suddenly be clarified. Let all we own and do, be for the purpose of serving 22
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Christ in the role in which He has called us. Is All Stress Bad ? Everyone has a stress load limit. Your limit will be different to other people's, and your limit can change over time. However, while it is not healthy to choose a lifestyle that has us pushed to the limit daily, neither do we want to be completely unmotivated, accomplishing nothing because we can't be bothered to put any effort in at all. Stress has a purpose, and not all stress is bad. For example, we see in scripture that a certain amount of stress will be expected in the lives of active Christians. The apostle Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 4:8,9: "We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;" Paul is saying here, "We are sorely stressed, but not burnt out." There are two important things to consider when comparing Paul's stress with our own. First, Paul was not irresponsibly taking on a stress burden, but faithfully fulfilling his calling to preach, knowing that this would likely involve suffering for Christ. His general attitude was to count it a joy and a privilege to suffer for his Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, who had suffered and died for him. Second, it is evident by many scriptures that Paul turned to God in prayer as his source of strength in the face of overwhelming stress. Likewise, when the man Christ Jesus, in the garden of Gethsemane, underwent the incredible stress of being sin-bearer for a lost world, He prayed until He received strength. If we are followers of Christ, we will copy His example, as did Paul. There is an incident in the sixth chapter of Acts where a stress burden was refused, and responsibly delegated. Instead of taking on the additional task of serving the widows tables, the apostles appointed godly men over this work, so that they were not distracted from their own calling: "It is not reason that we should leave the word of God, and serve tables . . . But we will give ourselves continually to prayer, and to the ministry of the word." (verses 2,4). We may also need to learn to say "no" to a stress burden. If we neglect our calling and take on extra stress just to please others or because it looks good, we are honouring self before God. How do we apply this principle? Pray daily for wisdom to discern your Godgiven roles. For example, a dear sister in your homeschooling group says to you, "We're doing a concert with the children and need a good organiser like you. What night suits you to get together at my house once a week till December?" Although flattered, in your heart you know your husband would be very reluctant to lose yet another family evening each week, and you don't need another long Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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term commitment either. So you say sweetly, "I'd love to help out, but I can't take on anything extra just now. If my girls and I bake cakes and serve supper on the concert night for you instead, will that be okay?" And stand your ground. You're not indispensable, and someone else may need an opportunity to develop some organisational skills anyway. If you really aren't strong enough to say "no" to others when you wish you could, at the very least you can say you'll have to ask your husband, or pray first, and then you'll let them know. What could be the purpose of stress? In manufacturing industries, a product such as a steel girder must undergo “stress tests”. These tests place the product under intense strain to prove the strength and reliability of the material used, for its intended purpose. The results of the stress test give the manufacturer confidence in his product. In our lives as Christians, God in His wisdom allows us to undergo seasons of stress, temptations and tribulations to try our strength and reliability. This is not only fruitful, but unavoidable; "In the world ye shall have tribulation:" says Jesus. But in the same verse He reassures us that "in him we might have peace", and that we can even be of good cheer in the face of it, because He has overcome the world (John 16:33). Can you as a parent imagine the emotional stress Abraham must have endured during the three-day journey to Mount Moriah to sacrifice his beloved son Isaac? According to Hebrews 11:17-19, God allowed this stress test to prove Abraham's faith in God's promises. The fruitful result was that Abraham's faith was established and increased. If a steel girder was `stress tested' every day and constantly strained to its limit, it would soon succumb to `metal fatigue' and be useless. In the same way, even though God will allow a time of testing for a spiritual purpose, letting ourselves be constantly under stress by the cares of this life is not part of His will. God doesn't want to see the peace and fruitfulness of His Word choked out of us. "And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful." (Mark 4:19) Homeschool Stress and Homeschool Burnout I have sitting in front of me a copy of a Christian ladies' magazine published in the United States. In the "Pen Pals Wanted" column is this ad: "I am a 35 year old mother of six. I homeschool 5 of the 6 at the moment. Three of my children are 4 and under. I'm looking for tips on how to do all house chores, be a wife and teacher and still have energy left over. I don't feel like my children are going to get the right quality of learning they truly need. My husband feels like he gets the scraps that's left over. . ." The dear sister who has written in to that magazine is showing unmistakable symptoms of homeschool stress. There is a sort of passive desperation about her letter that 24
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clearly reveals she is in danger of going over the `edge'. Unless help and readjustment come immediately, this sister could lose her grip - and her marriage. Yes, I have written to her, but have had no reply. . . Readjustment means taking positive steps to address the causes of stress, and therefore avoiding the possibility of burnout. As has been said in chapter one, the first of these steps is to refocus on what God has called us to do through homeschooling. The chapters in Part B of this book list some of the most common sources of stress for the homeschooler, such as coping with housework, or the demands of a baby while trying to `school' the other children. In each chapter you will find practical suggestions to reduce stress in each of these areas. For now, let's have a closer look at what stress really is. You don't have to be a homeschooler to be affected by stress, but homeschoolers do seem to be particularly susceptible. Stress can come from any of these three related directions; physical, mental and emotional. The mother at home may feel extreme physical exhaustion from a workload in the laundry and kitchen on a particularly hectic day (stressed), or every day (overstressed). Mental fatigue may result from a full day of heavy concentration at work followed by hours of study in the evening. A woman may be a tower of strength as she nurses her aging mother through a long illness, yet collapse into an emotional heap when her child breaks his leg. So `stress' can come from a variety of sources, and affect people different ways. Stress factors can build up, going from just feeling a pressure to perform, to being overstressed: a distracting anxiety and distress caused by prolonged physical, mental or emotional fatigue. There is no easy way to define or isolate the factors that trigger stress in a particular individual, and the problem can be compounded by the effect of medications, hormones, etc. A mechanical engine which is operating `under load' is still effective, though struggling. But an engine which has `burnt out' has ceased to function. It will not be able to perform its duty again without a major rebuild or replacement, and this will take time to do. When people allow stress factors to accumulate to the point where they can no longer cope, something within their mind switches off and they withdraw from all of life's responsibilities. We describe these people as `burnt out'. Because we are wonderfully made by a loving God, the mind that has suffered an overload and collapses like this can begin to be restored and healed. Usually, though, the difficulties which caused the stress in the first place would need to be resolved. A breakdown of this magnitude often starts with `small' breakdowns: days when a person begins to react irrationally and emotionally to circumstances with which they used to cope. A sudden unexpected tragedy or crisis can also plunge a person into a state of mental unbalance or breakdown for a time. This `switching off' seems to be a damageCopyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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control mechanism of the brain to insulate the mind from excessive grief or despair. Not much, of course, can be done to prepare for a sudden crisis. However, if your stress levels have been kept low and manageable, and it has been your habit to daily draw strength and direction in prayer with God, a collapse could be less severe, and recovery much quicker than otherwise. You can see, then, how vital it is to prevent an accumulation of stress factors, and to read the signs of excessive stress. This is not only for the sake of the health of the person under stress, but for the stability and welfare of the whole family. As you can imagine, a mental collapse can have serious lifelong damaging effects on a marriage and on the children. For the sake of your family, then, make wise and prayerful choices regarding what activities should and should not be part of your role as a Christian spouse and parent. Homeschooling should not add extra stress to your day. In fact, I know a mother of eleven children who ended the hectic off-to-school mornings in her house by taking up homeschooling. A mother's usual load can also be eased when she has older, capable children home to help with preschoolers. From where, then, does homeschool stress originate? In many cases the answer is linked to the mental image a woman might have of the `perfect Christian wife and mother.' It is the Supermum Syndrome, tailor-made for homeschoolers. Mrs Smith `inspires herself' by reading all the homeschooling books and magazines she can find. In these are profiles of wonderful-sounding families where all ten children are academically advanced, artistically gifted and musically accomplished. The parents look radiant, run several homebased businesses to which the children contribute their talents, and have a full-time ministry as well. In the glossy pictures the children are impeccably dressed and groomed, and look as though they had never been disobedient in their lives. Seeing all the wonderful things other homeschooling families are doing causes Mrs Smith to mentally compare her own humble flock with these perfect beings. She resolves to upgrade every activity they are currently doing at home, and enroll everyone in violin lessons. At the next homeschool group meeting held in Mrs Jones' spotless house, the shining ideal is again held up to Mrs Smith. Other parents sharing about delightful new maths kits and their children's successes make her begin to feel that she's just not doing enough, and letting her children down educationally. She thinks that perhaps attending every homeschool outing on offer will somehow help their family look more actively Christian than she feels. . . Every family should homeschool in a manner that is comfortable for them and suited to their own family situation. This will take into account the ages of the children, whether the father works away, the family size, and even the budget. The homeschool 26
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lifestyle allows for much variation, but that doesn't mean we have to combine every good method we hear of into our own programme in order to be a Super(homeschool)mum. Remember the saying "The good is the enemy of the best"? If you are daily teaching your children God's Word, and training them in godliness, you are already doing `the best'. Be content. "Godliness with contentment is great gain."(1 Timothy 6:6) The frustration of trying to achieve `homeschooling perfection' is just another name for stress. A dear sister I know was feeling low and in need of some encouragement one day. She took the step of ringing a help-line that offered phone counselling for people who feel at the end of their resources. After hearing this sister's concerns about her daily lot and her failings, the phone counsellor expressed her amazement and admiration for all that this sister was doing! The counsellor had nothing but praise for a mother so dedicated to her family and purpose. The result of such `positive affirming' was that this homeschooling mum left the phone with a changed attitude, a lighter step and renewed vision. God used a phone counsellor that day to lift up His downcast child, and the value of the ministry of encouragement cannot be overstated. We are told in scripture to "exhort one another daily" (Hebrews 3:13), and this building up of each other should be the purpose of the local homeschool support group. Too often these groups just add extra commitments and `busyness', instead of pointing their members constantly to Jesus and His lighter and easier burden. Writing one loving note of encouragement per week to another homeschooling mum will make her day. And it will do you good too! Finally, be encouraged to know that stress `demands' on homeschooling parents, if managed in wisdom, actually increase coping skills enormously. Let me give you an example of what I mean by this. Have you ever had people comment to you, "Oh, I'd never have the patience to have more than two children,"? Perhaps you have responded, either in your heart or out loud, "But it is these children God has sent who have taught it to me. I also did not have much patience when I had only two children." It is so true. Hasn't God promised in His Word to supply all our needs? He will give patience when we need it. Not usually before! A song I know says that God has given us children, and all the work that comes with them, to save us from the sin of living selfishly. I need to remind myself of that thought when I feel prevented from doing the things "I" want to do. What about you?
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CHAPTER 3
Spiritual Preparation for Homeschooling
Getting Together With God Alright, you are tempted to think, "Oh, I know I'm supposed to pray and that'll help, but what I'm really wanting is the practical tips." As one who used to respond in that same way, let me tell you right now that developing a regular personal prayer and Bible reading time is the MOST practical step you can take towards homeschooling success. A cross-stitch motto I have seen says, "A Day Hemmed in Prayer Seldom Unravels". If you ever have days when you feel unravelled, read on. None of us, I believe, pray enough. When you are a busy wife and mother, it can seem that a quiet hour of prayer is the one thing you just can't find the time for. I used to console myself by saying that I'd be one of those `praying grannies', because I just couldn't see myself having the luxury of an hour or two of uninterrupted communion with my Lord Jesus until all my little ones were grown up and I was a grandmother. This was a lie from Satan that I listened to for the first twenty years of my Christian life! Deep in my heart I knew that it was at this present season of my life that I really needed a lifeline of prayer: while I did still have little ones. Oh, I `prayed'. Little token prayers, snippets of prayer, tiny `thank you for this food' and `bless us please' prayers. But I only gave God my spare time, not my precious time. I was daily committing the sin of prayerlessness, and I wondered why 28
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I was prone to feeling stressed. So what is this `precious time' I had to find and give to God? A search through scripture, and especially a look at the life of Jesus told me. In fact, how Jesus made prayer a priority is worth looking at in detail. While on this earth Jesus was subject to all the common weaknesses of the flesh, like tiredness, hunger and thirst. He knew he needed to draw strength for each demanding day. Jesus was under `people-pressure' almost non-stop. Check these verses: Mark 1:37 ". . . they said unto him (Jesus), All men seek for thee." Mark 1:9-10,20 "And he spake to his disciples, that a small ship should wait on him because of the multitude, lest they should throng him. For he had healed many; insomuch that they pressed upon him for to touch him, as many as had plagues. And the multitude cometh together again, so that they could not so much as eat bread." Mark 6:31 "And he (Jesus) said unto them (the disciples), Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat." Luke 12:1 ". . . there were gathered together an innumerable multitude of people, insomuch that they trode one upon another, . . ." Read the gospels. They show that Jesus had what would be today called a high-stress job. Imagine crowds of more than five thousand people trailing after you and clamouring for your attention almost daily. (And we think a whining toddler or demanding teen hard to bear . . .) As well as pressure from the crowds, Jesus was constantly threatened by His enemies, and sorrowful over the rejection of those He loved. Humanly speaking (and Jesus was very human), these were significant stress factors. But just like the brakes in a luxury car, His humanity was `power assisted' from on high, through prayer. Jesus, who is our example, prayed for strength to accomplish that which He'd been sent to do. That same power is there for us. How then, did Jesus find time to pray? Well, He didn't just find it, He made time to pray. He set time aside as a priority, so that within every twenty-four hours He had, I believe, at least an hour of uninterrupted prayer. "Oh," you say, "I'd like to do that. I've tried, and I just can't fit it in." I understand. But tell me, every twenty-four hours, do you fit in three meals? Do you fit in six Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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or more hours of sleep? Do you take time to do your hair, get dressed, or take a bath? We do all these things for ourselves because we consider them needful. We don't go and do the shopping in our nightie, and just explain to others that we couldn't find time to dress that day. Perhaps, to God, we look `undressed' for the day when we begin it without prayer. We make time for the things we believe are important. The following examples show how important prayer was to Jesus. Mark 1:35 "And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed." Luke 6:12 "And it came to pass in those days, that he went out into a mountain to pray, and continued all night in prayer to God." Sometimes, Jesus' attempts to be alone were unsuccessful. In Matthew 14:1216, when Jesus hears of the death of John the Baptist, he departs by ship to a deserted place to grieve. But the crowds soon chase after Him, and He is moved by compassion to put aside His own needs, and meet theirs. These scriptures chastised me, because when my children would seek me out during my quiet time, I was often moved with frustration, not compassion! Our loving God always has the answer to our needs if we ask Him. The answer for me became `rising up a great while before day', something I thought I could never manage. And nor could I, in my own strength. I had always been very slow and tired in the mornings. I had considered evenings as my `best' time, and was a bit of a night owl. But still I did not pray. When I finally acknowledged my sin and asked God earnestly for His help, help came. Now God wakes me early, and I am able to have a blessed time with my Lord before the children rise. Because I know I am still susceptible to tiredness, I show the Lord my desire to be with Him early in the morning by getting to bed by 8pm. The children are in bed by 7:30, which is healthy for any age. In our home we have an evening Bible time and read stories aloud to the children, so this means I have to `work backwards' and plan for teatime to be around 4:30 or 5pm. This works for our family because usually my husband is home then. We have also decided to have our main meal, and therefore the biggest washing up, at noon instead of at the end of the day. A simple meal of toast or scones in the evening means minimal washing up, more `family time' and quicker to bed. God will have a plan that works for your family too, though it may not be the same as ours. Ask God for wisdom. With a young family it is ideal, of course, to work to a set routine. For some, because of shiftwork, home nursing or some other circumstance, this is not always possible. Jesus too had to "be instant in season and out of season", occasionally taking a special step 30
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for a special need. Ever wonder why Jesus often told his disciples to take a ship to the other side of Lake Galilee? Even when the weather threatened stormy? Jesus said of Himself that He had nowhere to lay His head. Sometimes this trip was the only chance to get away from the crowds long enough to grab some much needed sleep. Only one as physically exhausted as Jesus could remain fast asleep while stormy waves washed over the boat (see Matthew 8:19-24). Jesus knows the limits of our frame. Like the disciples, we should respond to His invitation to "Come ye apart and rest awhile", before we `come apart' - at the seams! Perhaps when you feel stressed, it is time to take a special step. Ask a like-minded friend or relative to come and be with your children while you go to their (empty) house and have a sleep. Or ask your husband would he mind taking all the children to go and get fish and chips while you nap. Perhaps just a walk on your own will refresh you. Use these `special steps' to catch up and get yourself back on top. Like Jesus, you need sufficient rest for the body through sleep, and sufficient strength for the spirit through prayer. `Charged' for the Day For any Christian, the discipline of regular prayer is needed for at least two reasons. First, we need to get our spiritual and physical batteries `charged' up, and second, we need to hear what tasks we are `charged' to undertake for our Master that day. Many resources are available on the topic of prayer, and we will not try to duplicate their messages here. (For a sound start, you might obtain a little book entitled "A Call To Prayer" by J.C. Ryle, free of charge from Chapel Library, 2603 W. Wright St, Pensacola FL 32505, U.S.A.) Although your prayer time will probably consist of the four scriptural elements : Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving and Supplication (A.C.T.S.), we will only look at those requests, or supplications, you would particularly make as daily spiritual preparation for homeschooling. As a suggestion, you might first of all pray for yourself and your spouse, that you would be given godly wisdom as parents. The book of James, chapter 1, verse 5 promises a liberal dose of wisdom for all those who ask in faith. Ask God to reveal to you any areas in your homelife which are not in His order. For example, are you as a wife in Biblical submission to your husband? If God wants to deal with us over an issue, and we are resisting Him, He may, in His love for us, allow us to have `bad days' until He gets our attention! If you believe your spouse is not in God's will in an area, the best thing to do is let God deal with it His way. Just be faithful to pray. Do not try to correct your husband over an issue unless guided to do so by the Holy Spirit. Be sure it is God's Spirit prompting you though, and not your own indignant flesh! Next you might pray for each of your children by name, asking God to use Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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that day's homeschooling activities to further open their hearts and minds to spiritual things. Parents cannot give their children salvation. We are told, however, to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). This is Christian training. By training up our children in God's ways, and diligently praying for them, we are effectively planting and watering, asking God to give them as an increase into His Kingdom. The Apostle Paul gives a picture of this labouring together for a harvest of souls, and of building these lives upon the foundation of Jesus Christ. For us, it is the souls of our children for which we labour the most earnestly. 1 Corinthians 3:6-11 "I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. So then neither is he that planteth anything, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour. For we are labourers together with God: ye are God's husbandry, ye are God's building. According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon. For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ." Of course, a fruit tree can be found growing and producing in an unexpected spot, where no man planted or watered it. Likewise, children of a non-Christian home, untrained and unprayed for, can later become fruitful for Christ. But there is no doubt that the best harvest is from a well-tended orchard, and Jesus expects us to be diligent in `watering' with prayer the children He has given us to train for Him. Encouraging Yourself in the Lord Like David in the Bible, you can prepare against stressful circumstances by encouraging yourself in the Lord (1 Samuel 30:6). The most direct way of doing this is by prayer and praise, and David's psalms are full of these two elements. In fact, it's hard to stay feeling stressed when we are worshipping our Lord in song. Sing with your mouth until your heart also begins to sing with pure joy. Forget yourself in the wonder of who He is, and what great things He has done for you. Other effective ways of drawing encouragement from God include reading His Word, and inspirational books or magazines. (See Chapter 19) It is well to have a personal, methodical Bible reading plan on the go at all times. There are schemes that read you through the Bible in one year, or in two years for 32
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children. George Mueller, the man famous for providing for thousands of English orphans in the nineteenth century by prayer alone, emphasised reading a portion of each of the two testaments daily. Since we want to become more and more like Jesus, we need to know intimately how Jesus lived on this earth, and that means reading the gospels regularly. As you read, though, it is important to take time to think on the words and their meaning, drawing encouragement, insight and comfort from them. You may find a printed Bible study guide best, but I like a simple method I once read about, adapted to suit myself. In this method, you follow these steps: 1. Write the date in your notebook, then pray and ask God to teach you through His Word today. 2. Read carefully through today's scripture portion. This will be a section of approximately 10 verses following on from the previous day's reading. 3. Think of a suitable title for the portion, and write it down. For example, "God Commands Noah to Build an Ark". (Many Bibles have their own headings, but I prefer to think one up.) 4. Pick out a Key Verse, and write it out. There is no right or wrong answer to this, just choose the verse you feel is the most important, or which seems to stand out. 5. Reading through again, write down about four Key Facts revealed in this portion. These just tell, in a nutshell, the order of events, or a series of statements from the verses. There might be a fact you never noticed before, or you might deduce something obvious from the facts. You don't have to make `interpretations' of meaning, but you can if you feel led to by the Spirit. 6. Finally, thinking prayerfully about the portion, write down something from it that can be applied to your own life. Perhaps, for example, you can benefit from considering how Noah unquestioningly followed God's pattern for the ark. What if he had thought that a one-cubit window just wouldn't ventilate a vessel that size? What if Noah felt he should alter God's pattern? With these thoughts you might apply the principle of unquestioning obedience to your life. If you let the Spirit speak to your mind, there will be dozens of applications from which you could choose. The above Bible reading method won't get you through the Bible very fast, so you may want to follow a yearly schedule as well. (Or listen to the Bible on Tape.) But by taking only ten verses or so at a time upon which to meditate, hidden nuggets seem to come to light in a way that doesn't happen when reading straight through. These steps help me really think about what I've read. I picture it like the scene of an archaeological dig; the whole site is measured out and pegged with string lines crossing each other at regular intervals. Within each string-enclosed area a student sits, oblivious to the scorching sun, brushing away reverently at the dirt to uncover, intact, some tiny piece of ancient treasure. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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So it is that by concentrating on just a few verses at a time, we will uncover spiritual treasures that could otherwise be missed. For me, Bible study used to be just interesting. Now it has become delicious. You can also be encouraged greatly in the Lord by reading the testimonies of other Christians who have overcome enormous amounts of stress and hardship in their callings. It becomes clear when reading such powerful biographies that with suffering for Christ comes heights of joy and effectiveness in the gospel. As Christians we have a printed heritage of those martyred for their faith. Let their stories challenge, inspire and encourage you. For example, I confess that I take great pains to make sure the loungeroom is heated and cosy when I leave my warm bed in the early morning to go and pray. But I recently read the story of a young Chinese medical student in communist China who would leave her dormitory and gather with others on the snowy rooftop for their daily prayer meeting. She would mourn the loss of opportunity of meeting together if there happened to be a blizzard, but would then hunt out some freezing corner to read from her forbidden Bible. My comfort was challenged by this girl's devotion. It does our souls good to read of those for whom no cost was too great to further God's kingdom. Think of Jonothan Goforth and his wife, whose gospel-bearing trail through China left, in its wake, their children's graves. Or of Richard Wurmbrand, who in writing of his years of torture and imprisonment under Russian communism, has inspired many into a much deeper spiritual walk. Be personally involved in the struggles of a present-day missionary family by contacting an organisation like "Open Doors", "Overseas Missionary Fellowship" or "Voice of the Martyrs" (see Chapter 19). Ask them for the address of someone labouring in a hostile culture to whom you can write encouraging letters. Now what will all this do for you and your stress level? Simply this: it will put eternal things and trivial matters back into a right perspective. For example, God has called some Christians to face the stress of Muslim outrages against their own children. Has He instead called you to face the stress of a tub full of dirty nappies? Be thankful! God will always supply the strength to face the task He has called us to with courage and a good heart attitude. But we must give God precious time with ourselves, and allow Him to prepare us spiritually. Looking at our values in light of eternal issues is an important adjustment to make daily. A dear homeschooling friend of mine had just arrived home with her five children after attending a group activity held some distance away. It was past their usual lunchtime, the little ones were tired and grumpy, there was much to do, and my friend was herself beginning to feel flustered and snappy with the children. Then the phone rang. It was 34
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her husband's anxious voice saying he'd been ringing home continuously since he'd heard on the news of a road accident that morning involving a family in a car just like their's. His relief was huge. When she put the phone down, my friend gathered the children about her, wept and asked their forgiveness for her impatience with them. All her stress was suddenly gone. She was instead truly grateful that she was alive, and was the mother of five healthy children. That morning, it could have been otherwise. Focussing on the eternal means reminding ourselves that the duties God has called us to do today, whether enjoyable, tedious, or `overwhelming', are ministries. We are to do them as unto the Lord. Interruptions and frustrations will then be seen as unexpected opportunities in which to minister and show love. We can even thank God for a trial He has sent, knowing that it comes from the hand of a loving Father who uses such things only for our spiritual good. A trial overcome is an eternal victory. All this is only possible, however, if we spend sufficient time each day in sweet communion with our Saviour Jesus, receiving from Him that peace that passes all understanding. Spiritual Preparation for the Whole Family Homeschooling is a whole-family lifestyle. Therefore giving spiritual encouragement to each member of the family daily is important. Family devotions provides an opportunity for this, and for your children to "grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ"(2 Peter 3:18). During our Devotions Time we usually sing together, read a Bible chapter (each person reading a verse in turn), share from a Daily Devotional, and pray. Participation is important, so often the children are asked to lead in prayer for one or two of the needs on the prayer list. Thanking God together for prayers answered is an exciting part of family worship. Don't forget to especially pray for other homeschooling friends - you need their prayers too! You might include a family Bible study, or just discuss the chapter you've read together. A good habit to teach your children early is to pray every time they begin any specific task, such as a Maths lesson, or cooking a new recipe. Do it for them when they are very little, but with them after that. This is a habit you want to stay with them all their lives. They will avoid much future stress themselves this way. The Messenger Who Had No Message What happens if our spiritual preparations for homeschooling are neglected? Others still homeschool successfully without all that prayer time, don't they? Non-Christians might homeschool successfully without spiritual preparation because they define success as Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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academic excellence, or obtaining a good career. These might be worthy achievements, but they are not the Christian family's main goal. As outlined in chapter one, we homeschool because we are called by God to do so, and to use this privilege to train our children in godliness, ultimately helping them to walk in spiritual maturity. Do you want your children to value God's wisdom and develop a trusting relationship with Jesus as their Saviour? It is your role to lead them into this closeness with Him. But how can you impart a life of grace to your children if you do not have it yourself? Books won't do it for you. There is an account in 2 Samuel 18: 19-33 where a runner was despatched with a message for King David regarding the day's battle. A second man, knowing he was able to outrun the first, begged the commander for permission to run also. Permission was given, but the faster runner was not charged to deliver a message. The faster runner did indeed reach the king first, but the message was not received until the runner who was first despatched with it arrived. In a similar way, it is not important to God that your children finish the year a grade ahead of their friends. You might be the best organiser, the most creative, or intellectual of homeschool mums, but without adequate spiritual preparation, you do not have a message to deliver. Better to be the slowest, or have the least impressive schoolroom, but have children who are daily quickened by a touch from the Master Teacher.
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PART B
Some Sources of Stress and their Remedies
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CHAPTER 4
Unco-operative Children
Identifying the Problem Most homeschooled children enjoy being homeschooled, and readily cooperate with their parents. If the parents begin this `new adventure' with enthusiasm, the children usually respond positively too. However, there are definite cases where the children are reluctant, resistant or even rebellious towards being schooled at home. Sometimes the parents are quickly disillusioned by this unexpected opposition. After all, the children in homeschooling families they've read about all love it, don't they? So what's wrong with Junior? They conclude that maybe he's just not suited to this lifestyle, and respond by immediately re-enrolling him back in school where he was `happy', without persevering or analysing the problem. There are two main things wrong with the parents' action here. Firstly, although it is for the child's good that they have decided to homeschool, the parents are not doing it because he wants them to. They should be doing it because God wants them to. Secondly, if the parents give in to what the child wants because he makes a fuss, they are allowing themselves to be manipulated. Take a lesson from worldly parents of a generation or two ago. If you'd watched mothers or fathers taking their little ones to the local state school for the first time then, you would have seen the usual crying, tantrums, clinging and a general "I don't want to!" on the part of some of the youngsters. And what did 38
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those parents do with their big babies that didn't want to adjust to change? Did they give in and take them home again? Of course not! Because they believed that it was in their child's best interest to go to school, they said goodbye and let him get used to it. Your child will also get used to homeschooling - and enjoy it. In this chapter we look at some things you can do to smooth the way. The parent must simply learn to know their child well enough to identify any problems. (Now, why is the school scene just pictured from a generation or two ago? Because the modern day parent generally offloads their child into daycare from infancy, so there are no pleasant homelife memories for the child to cling to anyway . . . ) There are three main instances in which the parent may find their child resenting home education. First, a kindergarten-aged child who has never been to school; second, a child being withdrawn from school; and third, a child who becomes discontented after being homeschooled for some time. We will look at these situations in turn, and at the possible problems associated with each. In all cases, the parent should aim to present every homeschooling activity in the most enjoyable way possible. This does not mean that all schoolwork must be `fun', and that anything laborious must be avoided. Instead it means that needless `busywork' should be culled, the materials used should be of the best and most interesting, and the child should be trained to have a good attitude towards work, consistent with his maturity. This is the best general way of preventing unco-operative behaviour. The Non-starter You have patiently waited for your child to reach an age where you could begin homeschooling him in earnest. Of course, all his life he has been trained at home, but you've just been itching to formally start his `real' education, right? Now that he's between four and six, you bring out those preschool workbooks you've been hoarding, only to find he's not the least bit interested. When, by the ripe old age of seven you find that numbers and letters still hold no attraction for him, you begin to panic. After all, he is now past the compulsory school starting age, and he won't seem to let you teach him anything. What is the problem? Actually, there is nothing abnormal happening here. Young children live in the beautiful world of childhood where they learn best by play. As a child's mind matures, spontaneous play gives way to deliberately thought-out activities, reasoning, and experiments in cause and effect. An example of this process might be a child's use of Legotype blocks. While he is a toddler, play might begin with haphazardly sticking one block onto another, then progress to making geometric patterns or long lines and pleasing shapes, Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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and finally the mature child may use the blocks as the basis of some animated construction of his own creation, such as a string-operated crane. Maturity, rather than actual age, dictates the timing of the transition from haphazard to creative play. Likewise, a child of any age that is not willing to start formal learning may be not ready because of this lack of maturity, and not a lack of intelligence. A child can be very intelligent, but immature, and this child will fare badly in a classroom environment. He is keen, active and inquisitive, but not yet able to sit down and concentrate on abstracts such as numbers and letters. His restlessness will get him in strife with his teachers, and he could be seriously handicapped all his school life because his immaturity will label him, wrongly, a `slow learner' (or at least a trouble-maker!). Such a child needs to be homeschooled, so that an understanding parent can introduce the elements of his basic education as he is able to grasp them. Although he may seem off to a slow start regarding his formal education, as this child matures (and he will!), he will more than catch up on his age mates before long. The only factor likely to prevent his eventual success is if he is made to feel he is a dunce from the outset. Usually, school will do this for him. This can be seen by the fact that, although six-year-old girls are known to be often a year ahead in maturity when compared with boys the same age, no school curriculum reflects this by requiring different skill levels for each gender. The best way to be able to show that an immature child being homeschooled is still making educational progress, is to use the activities he enjoys as a foundation for learning. Does he like home-made playdough? Teach him to make the alphabet with playdough, a few letters at a time, and talk about each one's shape and sound. If the letters are dried out in a warm oven, they will harden and can then be used repeatedly. Does he like to paint? Paint the playdough capital letters to correspond to the small ones, then play a matching game with a few letters at a time. Above all, keep each of these `teaching' sessions short, and be sure to include plenty of free time for him to make his own playdough creations. Stop short of the point at which your teaching becomes tedious instead of enjoyable to the child. Usually a child likes to be able to recognize his own name, so show him how to put the letters of his name together. You can use your playdough letters, or the common bought magnetic ones. Be liberal in praise when he can do this himself - this is a real breakthrough! Get him to show Daddy and Grandma that he can spell out his name with playdough or plastic letters. In this way, even a child who does not yet have pencil control can enjoy learning his alphabet without frustration. There are many other easy ways your reluctant learner can make tangible progress without being tied to a desk, paper and pencil. A slice tray or roasting pan with a layer of table salt in the bottom makes a great slate. Show your child how to make pictures, 40
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or write letters and numbers by tracing them out with his finger. He will be delighted when a gentle shake of the tray `erases' his writing, ready for him to start over with a clean slate. (Of course you will use this opportunity to talk about how God erases sins from our hearts when we confess them, won't you?) You can buy letters made of sponge. These are great to dip in paint and `write' by stamping them on paper. As a variation, dip them in glue and arrange them into words on the paper. Carefully remove the letters, then sprinkle sand, or salt (coloured with food colouring) over the glue. Watch your child smile as the glue-writing becomes visible when the sprinkles stick to it. Be sure to date and collect all such learning `evidence' into a ring binder or scrapbook. Sing the "Alphabet Song" (the one to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"), and make a tape together of the letters and their sounds. Prepare a large sheet of paper as an Alphabet Poster. Point to each letter as it is mentioned on the tape. (Sing slowly enough for this!) Eventually your child will be able to copy you. Find all sorts of wonderful things for your child to count: pegs, beads, stars, stickers, marbles, raisins, nuts, etc. Get out Grandma's button tin and sort out sets of buttons by colour, size, shape, number of holes and by what they're made of. (Did you know that besides the usual plastic, metal and wood, buttons can be made from seashell, coconut shell, leather, ivory and gemstones!) Talk about where each of these materials comes from. Your child will be fascinated. The child's mind receives information through each of his five senses: sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. In using activities like those mentioned above over a period of time, you are trying to stimulate as many of the child's senses as possible. By giving him such concrete items to count, handle and experience, he will be better prepared to later understand the abstract ideas his mind will need to interpret, such as a sum written in a workbook. What child is there who does not enjoy being read a good story? Make storytimes regular and companionable by cosying up together in a comfy chair. A Bible story and a wholesome picturebook should be shared daily. Sometimes use your finger to follow along under the words so that the child will automatically track in a left to right direction when he begins to read himself. Children do have a natural desire to learn. There are many useful books available which suggest educational activities for the young. But while you may not have time to organise much of this, you do have time for the best method of all - simply interacting with your child. Plenty of discussion throughout the day will boost their understanding and curiosity about the world around them, and present opportunities to talk about God and the Christian life. In fact, research has shown that much talking and explaining to a young child increases their I.Q. (Intelligence Quotient). Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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As you discuss things, use proper terms to expand your child's vocabulary. For instance, rather than saying, "Junior, look at the moo-cows!", you could say, "See those Friesian heifers waiting to be milked," explaining to him that black and white cows are the `Friesian' breed, and `heifer' is the proper word for a young cow. If you're feeling knowledgeable, you could go on, explaining that Friesland is a part of Holland where those cows first came from. Relate new information to things he already knows, ("remember those Dutch windmill pictures we saw?" "Oh, yeah!" "Well, that's the country called Holland, and it's not far from England where Daddy was born," "Oh!" "We'll look on the map when we get home, shall we?" "Yes, please!") It's always good to finish by giving God the glory for every new experience, perhaps by saying something like, "Isn't God wonderful to make so many different types of friendly cows to give us milk and cheese and butter?" Of course, a conversation like this could head just about anywhere. Your main aims, though, are to expand the number of different words your child knows (vocabulary), get him to express himself often and to help him describe things accurately. All these activities directly increase his I.Q., as well as enhance your parent-child relationship. Neither does it depend on how much you know as the parent. It only depends on your enthusiasm, and your willingness to go and get out some simple library books on a topic your child is keen on at the time. For example, you might be busy cutting up pumpkin when your child sings out from the front room, "Mum, there's a bird in that tree!" You could respond with a uninterested, "Mmm, that's nice, dear." Or, instead, you could utter a delighted "Oooooh!", join Junior at the window to watch the bird, guess together what species he is, what attracts him to that tree (food, nesting, cover?), or anything else that comes to mind. You might follow this up by recording the sighting in your bird book, or consulting a reference to find out more information about Junior's feathered friend. This whole episode might have only taken five or ten minutes out of your day, but your enthusiasm may influence your child for life. Something many parents seem to have lost sight of, is the young child's natural enjoyment of a carefree style of learning. Learning through play is often replaced by structured and demanding bookwork, perhaps because this is easier to dish out than creative play opportunities. At least, this is true in a school. In the home, however, play opportunities usually abound, and the parent can be sure to provide playthings that develop the mind. Even better, the home will provide work opportunities, and a steady means of serving others. Really, there should be no such thing as a workbook labelled "Kindergarten Level", because the word `kindergarten' is German for children's garden. A garden designed for children to play and learn in is a better environment for this age than a desk. One word of caution when dealing with a child's lack of co-operation in the 42
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homeschool. It should be the aim of parents to know their child well enough to discern the difference between unwillingness born of immaturity, and unwillingness born of disobedience. In the first case, the child is discouraged because the schooling tasks are beyond his abilities. He will happily learn instead through play activities. In the second case, the child is simply exhibiting his inborn sinful nature, and is testing the parent by his obstinacy or laziness. If the parents believe their child is just trying to force his will onto them, out of love for the child his will must be broken through discipline, and he must be made to cheerfully comply with his parents' instructions. (Perhaps you can now see good reason for praying daily for wisdom!) Above all, do not panic over the non-starter. Decades of research into education methods by Dr Raymond and Dorothy Moore (see Chapter 19), showed that a child will do just as well, if not better, when his formal education is delayed until at least nine years old. By `formal' education, we mean the structured, planned and methodical teaching of those subjects generally taught in a school, measured in grades, and using traditional methods such as books and writing. Without formally educating the young child, he may not be specifically taught to tell the time at a young age. However, he might learn this skill informally because he wants to know how to tell time, and asks you to show him on the clock. He will learn many things which ready him for future formal studies by simply interacting daily with his family members, enjoying their interests and sharing in their conversations. Some of the Moores' research concerned average ability children raised to age twelve in a caring home environment, but without formal education. At twelve, these children were able to master all the basic school skills of reading, writing and arithmetic up to highschool level, in only one formal year instead of the usual seven or eight. This surprising feat was made simple because of the natural maturity of the twelve year old, and the understanding gained from years of real-life experiences. The Reluctant Reader As was mentioned in an earlier chapter, children sometimes `pick up' how to read, without being formally taught. However, even if you decide to delay your child's formal education for the most part, there are two good reasons why you should make a deliberate effort to teach your child to read. First, because we want our children to be godly, they will be helped in this by being able to read God's Book for themselves. Second, it is obvious that they will learn more in every subject, even maths, once they can read. What does the parent do, then, when a child shows an unwillingness to learn to read? Forcing the issue head on will usually be counterproductive. Instead, create a desire to read in the child, and let that desire overcome any opposition. Here are some ways to achieve this. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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Read to the child. Have many good quality, interesting books on hand. Read often, always making it a pleasant experience, and stopping at a most exciting part if sharing a long story together. Don't think that you reading to him will make him too lazy to read for himself; the opposite happens. All the best and earliest readers were read to, often. Get Father to leave him a note in the morning, giving him all day to wonder what it says. If he has some phonics skills up his sleeve he may try to decipher it despite himself. This is what you want. You want him to see a purpose in reading, and to be motivated to read. Make sure the notes are always something very rewarding to read, for example, "If you can read this, Junior, you can have the chocolate I have left for you on the top shelf of the pantry." All children love getting mail, so ask some of his friends or Grandma to write letters to Junior. When a letter comes for him, tell him you will try to find time later to read it out. Watch and see if he has a go on his own. Do not let your child spend much time watching videos, television, playing with an abundance of toys or computer games. Since young children primarily read for entertainment, he won't take the trouble to learn to read if his entertainment needs are already being met. Older children read for information as well as for entertainment, and in all good books these two elements should overlap. An older child should also be encouraged to read for spiritual nourishment, so provide books of sound spiritual value as well as a set Bible-reading time. Since the main reason for learning to read is to be able to read the Bible, do not provide other books, even Bible storybooks, during family devotions. This is important for two reasons. First of all, those children who can read will be distracted from following along in their Bibles by the fact that their younger brother or sister is flicking through a more colourful, exciting-looking book under their noses. And secondly, if the non-readers know that the only book permitted in their hands during family devotions is a proper Bible when they can read, they will sit and look longingly at the Bible their reading brother is using, and wish for the day when they too can read it. If their hands are empty and they are trained to keep their eyes on Father during devotions, and their heads bowed during prayer, they will develop the valuable habit of giving attention and respect to the things of God. This is far less likely to happen if they are occupied with a toy or storybook during worship. (These methods should also apply to church attendance.) By allowing nothing in their hands except a Bible when they can read, you will have created in them the desire to read, and the Bible itself will have become the coveted treasure it should be. Motivation is the key ingredient in learning to read; it is more important, even, than an excellent phonics book or set of easy readers. Mrs Debi Pearl of "No Greater Joy Ministries" (see Chapter 19) says on her Homeschooling Ideas tape that her son Gabriel was eight years old before he decided he wanted to be taught to read. As she proceeded to 44
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get out her learn-to-read books, such as "A Fat Rat", Gabriel stopped her by saying, "Not that stuff, I want to learn to read the Bible!" So the Bible was his learn-to-read book. It can be done. For a motivated child, a simple programme of learning the letter sounds, identifying their shapes and blending their sounds together for about ten minutes a day will soon have them reading. Using a few simply worded books you have bought or made, will give them sufficient confidence to get on to the Bible. Requesting a catalogue from each of the Christian homeschooling suppliers listed in Chapter 19 will provide plenty of choices in learn-to-read materials and simple books. Beware, however, of discouraging your child by using a system that bogs down the reading progress with too much writing. How much is too much? If your child can read the lesson easily but complains about the length of the accompanying writing exercises, it is probably too much. Although writing reinforces the reading skills, a child is often able to learn to read before they are able to handle a pencil well enough to write. (There is some advice on writing workloads in Chapter 8 and Chapter 18.) Withdrawing the Schoolchild Some children will be already attending public or Christian school when their parents decide to change to homeschooling. There are two possibilities that usually prompt this change. One is that the parents begin to feel God's call to homeschool, and decide to act upon it. Another is that some type of problem is being experienced by the child in the school environment, which prompts the parents to look at an alternative. `Pulling' a child out of school may even be done as an emergency measure, depending on the nature of the problem. This child simply becomes homeschooled by default, sometimes while awaiting a better `school' situation. But at any point along the way, God can move on the hearts of parents to feel a specific call to homeschool permanently. If a child suffers problems at school, especially things like bullying, persistent shyness, academic stress, anxiety or even just excessive tiredness from the long school day, they will likely welcome the decision to homeschool. Occasionally, however, a child who has been at school may resent the changes involved in staying home. If the parent feels that this could happen, they would be wise to take a few steps of precaution. First, if possible, withdraw the child during the usual school holidays to lessen the immediate impact on the child and, if applicable, on the school. (Most schools are unsupportive of homeschooling since withdrawing students threatens their funding base. You don't want to add to your stress-load by making it likely that school representatives will hound you for your loyalty - or your fees. So try not to be seen as dramatic by withdrawing the child midterm.) Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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Use the holidays to make preparations and wean your child onto the idea of staying home to do school. During this time you can help your child establish friendships with other home-taught children, to help ease their loss of school friends. As a general tip, it is always best if you as a family spend more time with those who are as like-minded as yourselves as possible. Time spent with children who go to school can have the effect of demoralising your child. Sometimes if a child who is not coping at school is withdrawn, they may need a period of `de-schooling'. This means, in effect, that you purposely do not attempt to begin any sort of educational programme with them for a certain period of time. They need a complete holiday, mentally, emotionally, or perhaps even physically. In some way, school has traumatised them, and they need unpressured time to resettle into the security of home. School `trauma' is a lot more common than most parents realise. Many a child never fully made the emotional adjustment to school life, and floundered nervously all their school days. Quite a few adults I have talked with experienced this helplessness as a child. I personally know of a child who, although bubbly and talkative at home, never uttered a word in class because of a speech defect. Since she was `different', her classmates decided she needed to be punched up regularly. Another friend's child used to be intimidated at knife-point into doing unpleasant things at school. At a school where a friend's husband is a teacher, it was reported that the first grade children played a chasing game where those caught have their genitals grabbed. You might sigh and say, "That's the world, for you." Yes, but every one of those incidents mentioned happened at a Christian school, and the parents were always the last ones to find out. Although you would expect a child withdrawn from such problems to slot into home studies with relief, they may be unco-operative and need to `de-school' before they can apply themselves to any educational tasks. Is de-schooling then, doing nothing? De-schooling might be doing nothing, but in practise it is still achieving something. What do we mean by this? In recent years, our family has moved to a rural district, and for the first time I heard of the term `de-stocking'. This meant, of course, removing all the stock from the paddock needing to be de-stocked. Even though the purpose of the paddock is to feed stock, the stock had to be gone so that the pasture could recover, or be replanted, or so that new fences or dams could be installed. This period of de-stocking then, is a preparation necessary for the paddock to fulfil its purpose of again supporting stock. In a similar way, de-schooling prepares the way for successful homeschooling, for those children who need it. If a child seems upset when presented with schoolwork, you may suspect they have undergone some school trauma, and you may choose to de-school. Use this break to let time heal your child's anxieties, to build a precious 46
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parent - child relationship, and to spend time directing their focus onto Jesus as the source of all strength and comfort. From time to time you might see how they are adjusting by, say, going to a museum together. If such an outing stimulates their interest and you see a spark of enthusiasm, you may gently begin some carefully chosen educational activities, eventually moving on to bookwork as appropriate. If instead they are still numb and passive, give the child more time. A word of caution when dealing with a school trauma child. Do not let them become obsessed with one thing, like computer games, or even hermitting away to read books. The reason is that they may be drowning their hurt in some activity that replaces reality for them. Pray fervently for wisdom, asking God to release your child from all such forms of bondage. Knowing your child well makes it simple to find out the reason behind their resistance. A friend's child told her mother she didn't like being homeschooled. When asked why, the child plainly stated that she missed their morning walk to school together. This problem was easily solved: from then on each morning after breakfast they walked around the block together, arrived home and settled happily down to schoolwork. Perhaps your child's resistance has an equally simple solution, if only you knew it. Sometimes a child may be unco-operative in the homeschool because the child is unco-operative in the home. In other words, there has been a lack of Biblical training in the area of child discipline, and the children are not in order. This is understandable when the child has spent upwards of six hours a day, five days a week away from home. If your children are not in the habit of cheerfully and consistently complying with your instructions, without answering back, you are not yet adequately prepared to homeschool. The obedience issue must be addressed and corrected before any real progress can be made. This is because your Biblical role as a Christian parent is to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." If you have not yet trained your children to submit cheerfully to your will, neither have you trained them to respect or obey God's will. Let not the size of the task nor past failures prevent you from attending to this most urgent duty. Obtain whatever help you need (see Chapter 19), pray earnestly, and stay home and train until your children are in order. The threefold benefit of having Biblically trained children is cheerful obedience, a loving relationship with each child, and the peace of knowing that you have directed their steps heavenward. A child may also not co-operate with the parent because all their school life they have been conditioned to believe that it is their teacher who holds the authority in the area of education. As the parent seeks to direct the child's schoolwork at home, they might be constantly blocked by the child saying, "But Miss Wilson taught us to do it this way," and "That's not right, Miss Wilson said it's like this," and it's always "my teacher" this and Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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"my teacher" that. While it is not the child's fault that we as parents, in effect, placed the teacher's authority above our own, we must now, in wisdom, correct the child's attitude. After gently explaining the new situation, and your God-given authority in it, your child should be made to happily submit. Be humble enough, however, to ask him what his teacher has taught, if you need to assess where your child's schoolwork is up to. But do not permit any challenges to your parental authority. It is interesting to note that in old textbooks of state school issue, the authority of the home and of the parent was very clearly upheld. Today, however, it is equally clear that in public schools at least, the role of parental authority is ignored and parents' values are generally undermined. One final reason a school child might resist home education may be simply peer pressure. No child seeking peer acceptance wants to be seen as `different'. The answer here is, of course, to put a decisive end to your child's association with unsupportive peers. This may be hard on him at first, but sometimes in order for the transition between school and home to be successful, it must be complete. It might mean being sure your child only mixes with other homeschoolers until you know he is no longer disturbed by the issue of peer acceptance. Funnily enough, your child's friends who are so ready to band together and give him a hard time about being homeschooled may secretly have a different opinion to the one they voice. For example, once my son was out in the front paddock when the local school bus went by. "Yah! Yer homeschooler!", he was hooted at from the windows by a particular boy. A month or two later we were visiting with this same boy's mother when he sidled up to my son and confided, "I wish I could be homeschooled." The Discontented Homeschool Veteran What about the child who has been homeschooling quite contentedly for a number of years, and now begins to show in some way that he is no longer happy with his lot? If you are satisfied that, outside of schooling activities, the child does not have a discipline problem, you need to look a bit deeper into his situation to find the cause. Here again, that valuable parent-child relationship you have been building together should make it straightforward to work out a solution. As a child grows into his teens, for example, you may have to adjust his schedule to allow for more strenuous physical activity. This is because of his changing needs in the area of his bodily fitness. He may crave more input from the husband as his role model, or just more time doing man's work together with Dad. He might have caught up academically in his schoolwork to the point where he needs something more challenging to hold his interest. A new project or homebusiness idea could be just the thing to refresh his zeal. Perhaps he has become too focussed on himself, and needs to make some personal sacrifice to relieve someone else's burdens. Your daughter might be feeling that her schoolwork is becoming irrelevant to her interests, so a season of 48
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cooking and home decorating could restore sparkle to her life. It is natural for the older child to occasionally feel a concern over whether homeschooling is adequately preparing them for their future. They may grow impatient at times, or react in a way which is out of character for them. Explain to them that they are maturing and perhaps changing in their levels of sensitivity to various things. Tell them they may be unconsciously influenced by hormonal changes, etc. Be a solid, stable anchor for them. Assure them of your love, pray extra on their behalf, and keep them focussed on their redeemer Jesus Christ. He understands intimately their problems and their needs. Be careful, however, not to compromise the godly standards of the home during a difficult time, even if pressured to do so. Let any changes in home policy be made only as God clearly directs. It is, of course, much harder to restore a particular practice of holiness, than to discard it.
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CHAPTER 5
Commitments Outside the Home
Homeschooling, Yet Never Home One of the most stressful aspects of homeschooling can be the compulsion to make an excessive number of time and energy commitments outside of the home. By this we mean that homeschoolers have a tendency to clock up a great list of outings every week; swimming, skating, art class, table tennis, woodwork and homeschool excursions. Most of these trips are made for the children's `benefit', and these are in addition to the usual demands on the car (and us!) like church, homeschool group, prayer or Bible meetings and shopping. There is no doubt that all these outings often leave us feeling exhausted, and contribute to an atmosphere of `hectic', rather than of `heaven', in our homes. But all this running around is necessary, isn't it? Or is it just expected? There is a difference. First of all, let's recognise that it is certainly not just the homeschooler that is always out and about, transporting children around all week to various activities. This is the trend of the whole of western society. And it's not just children's activities to which everyone is hurrying, but adults seem to want their full quota of recreation or entertainment too. Let's stop and think for a minute of how all this has come about in the last five or six decades. When our own parents were young, were their parents running them about in the car to a different activity nearly every day? Not likely. If the family even owned 50
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a car (and they certainly would not have owned two), it was generally not at the children's disposal. It was almost unheard of to be driven to school (or to anything else), and children's after-school or weekend activities were usually limited to scouts, guides, or a sport in season. Church-going and Sunday school were a highlight of the week, since there was almost nothing else on of a Sunday anyway. What changes, then, have we seen since those days, and have these changes brought about an increase in stress level for today's parent? One change, of course, is the higher standard of living. Before, very few mothers went out to work. Now, two cars per family is considered normal, and even necessary, for the modern working mother. But stay-at-home mothers want their own car now too. Then they can be free to ferry themselves and their children about without having to wait for Father to come home from work. In fact, the parents' lives can now be very independent of each other . . . Another change is the enormous range of activities now on offer and affordable to all. (At least, they are affordable to those who are made to believe they are important.) Horse-riding, ballet, jazz, bootscooting, pottery, archery, music, gymnastics, drama, ballroom dancing, sailing club, BMX racing, martial arts and every type of sport, all have a venue nearby. When our parents were young, if these activities existed at all, they were geared to children of about age ten and up. Now there are versions of them available to the very young. You can have your little three year old looking sweet in a dancing outfit, or on top of a pony. As soon as he can walk, he can go to Kindagym, there's a swimming class for babies, and if he can run, sign him up for soccer. As well as a broader range of activities open to a broader age group, the clubs that were traditionally boys-only, now invite girls as well. There is girls' soccer, girls' cricket, girls' football - you name it. As if increasing the target market like this wasn't enough, night-time games, Sunday sports and indoor sport complexes have meant that the competition season almost never ends. You can now play, and pay, all year. We in the western world are thoroughly spoilt for choice in the area of outof-home activities. With such a smorgasbord in front of us, it is human nature to fill our plates right up. You too have probably seen the bumper stickers that hint at mother's new role of `chauffeur'. One says simply "Mum's Taxi", and another, "If a Mother's Place is in the Home, Why am I Always in the Car?". To a Christian homeschooling mum, this is a good question. To answer this, first of all I must make yet another confession. Years ago I used to tell people, with a degree of pride, that although we were homeschoolers we were almost never home. Why did I say such a thing? And why was it true? I believe the reason I said this was because I was reluctant to give people the impression that homeschooling meant closeting children away from the `real world'. I was aware that the idea of Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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homeschooling was misunderstood by the general public, who thought such children were missing out on `socialization'. So I was quick to dispel the notion that my children were socially isolated, and made it known that instead we were constantly out and about, mixing with the world. How unwise I was then! And how unscriptural. Scripture Doesn't Date Although we may think that our commitments outside the home are important, God may think otherwise. Here are some verses on the subject: Titus 2:4,5 "That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." 1 Timothy 5:11-14 "But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry; having damnation because they have cast off their first faith. And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully." What is the Lord saying, through the Apostle Paul, in the above passages of scripture? It is clear from the verses in Titus that a Christian mother is to be a keeper at home, and that this role is equal in importance to loving her husband and children. This is not to say that the mother never ventures out, but rather that she rarely allows herself to be pulled away from her home duties, and that only for a very legitimate cause such as church or shopping. She delights in being home, and has taught her children also not to be constantly wanting to go out. The passage above from Paul's first letter to Timothy deals with the specific case of young widows. However, its message is still especially relevant because mothers of today have the independence of the young widows, which Paul described as an undesirable situation. Although times have certainly changed since Paul's day, his warning is right up to date. Some modern Christian mothers are tempted to feel free to idle away their time visiting around from house to house while neglecting their own homes, and gossiping about in the name of `fellowship'. According to Paul, this is behaving as if you were a widow with no home responsibilities. Are we guilty of this, simply because we have a car and money to spend? If the truth were only known, how many divorces come about partly because the wife neglects the home? To neglect the home is to neglect her husband and children. The Bible says that such neglect could cause God's word to be blasphemed, and cause our 52
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adversaries to speak reproachfully. These are serious charges! Rather, if we are married, have children and are guiding the house, then there should be very little occasion for being up and out the door. It is almost impossible to adequately keep house while being absent from it, and the pressure of trying to do so is called stress. Subtle Neglect Society these days is geared to the fact that people are highly mobile, and a homebased lifestyle is considered unimportant. Because of this, it is possible to `hide' a large degree of neglect, and never notice the subtle way we are robbing ourselves and our families of our mother role. Here's an example: It is Monday. You hurry through breakfast, devotions and dishes, set the washing machine going and race out the door with the children for iceskating. Picking up a friend's two children on the way, you get to the rink by 10:00am. You've had the foresight to pack a sandwich and a flask of coffee, but the children come off the rink really thirsty, and those chips from the cafeteria smell so good. The children have all had a great time, and you've done a lot of catching up with friends while the children skated. Now you're heading home, but have to drop in to the supermarket to get some emergency disposable nappies. You end up buying a few other necessities. It's mid-afternoon when you get to your friend's place to drop her children off, so she invites you in for a cuppa and chat. You say you'd love to, but can't stop long. However, you stop longer than you meant to, and realise you won't have time to make dinner before your husband gets home. You drive through the pizza pickup so that you'll all have something hot to eat at the dinner hour, and arrive home just before your husband is due. The baby is so tired and cranky that you give him a quick sandwich and put him to bed, then you throw the wet washing into the dryer since you haven't been home to take advantage of the perfect drying weather. Your husband pulls into the drive, and that's the end of another exhausting day. (Or have you got an evening meeting to get through yet?) As a homeschooling mum, I used to have many days just like the one described. (Do you?) I did not think at the time that I was robbing my family of anything. I thought I was making a great personal sacrifice to give the children a broad range of educational experiences. But I was neglecting myself and the children spiritually, and I was robbing my husband. By not keeping my home, I was costing my husband a lot of extra money (petrol, car needs, skating costs, extra food and drink, extra groceries, cost to run clothes dryer, pizza), but I was also robbing him of an orderly home, of my time, my attention, and my peace and serenity. He would often come home to a frazzled wife, instead of one wearing the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. Is that not robbing him? Be aware too, that it is possible to neglect the home while remaining at home. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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The television used to be the biggest time robber of this sort, but not anymore. I have read recently of Christian mothers who confess they are spending hours everyday on the internet, almost powerless to tear themselves away. For some, this is becoming a serious problem. Do not think that I point these things out to condemn the technology available to us today. (With a household of eight, there are times when I am very grateful for my clothes dryer!) The technology is not at fault, but we need to be aware that misuse of technology can increase our stress load. High-Mobility Society The technology of today has made possible a level of mobility never before experienced in history. A friend of mine from Europe described an engineers' conference he attended at one of the international airports in Paris. He flew in from several countries away and arrived half an hour before the conference began. From the windows of the meeting room, large Boeing jets could be seen landing and taking off every couple of minutes. After the conference, he was able to catch a flight back to his own capital city (there were departures to that country every half hour), and arrive there in time for lunch. That's speed and mobility. Could it also be stress? If you are like me, you might know of people, usually women, who go out to the shops every day. Sometimes they say they go because they are bored at home. One says that shopping is her hobby. The point is that society has changed its perception of what is an acceptable level of mobility and social interaction. It is therefore easy to get swept along into conforming to what the world now calls normal. Today, normal is going out nearly every day. Today, normal is mixing a lot with the world. But what did `normal' used to be? Remember the "Little House on the Prairie" books? The author, Laura Ingalls Wilder, wrote of her own childhood, growing up in the American countryside in the latter part of the nineteenth century. Visits and social occasions were very treasured memories, simply because they were rare. Life revolved around the home, and the family was closely bonded by love as they did the work of the home together. To `go out' meant either to go somewhere close enough to walk, or else it was a whole family affair with Pa hitching up the horse and wagon. Even in the cities, in those days, though a mother might be tempted to while away time at a neighbour's, there were no fast-food outlets to excuse her from cooking the evening meal. So, in days gone by, when there were fewer of our modern social evils (such as drugs and pornography), there was also much less daily social interaction outside the sanctuary of the home. I wonder if there's a connection? Do Our Children Need Many Activities? We've looked at how a full out-of-home schedule can cause a homeschooling mother to lose the focus of her Biblical role, and add to her stress. Some may argue, 54
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however, that educationally, we should have a goal of giving our children as broad a range of experiences as possible. They may say that by doing so we will stimulate their interests, and they will be more likely to find out the things they are good at and enjoy. There is no doubt that your children, in general, will be the last to complain about all the activities you are offering them. But if we are homeschooling because God wants us to, we should consider His agenda before our children's enjoyment. Now there may be nothing wrong with the activities or sports you have involved your children in. As the Bible says, "all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not."(1 Corinthians 10:23). But it is possible that too many activities may undermine the spiritual values we are trying so hard to teach. Let me give some examples. First of all, being transported around a lot for his enrichment can give the child a `me-first' attitude. He could easily get the idea that his tennis game is more important than your housework, or the baby's nap. Second, while at any activity, the environment and the people there are exerting an influence on your child. Is there background music you would not usually listen to? Are all the people there Christians? You may not even be able to be close enough to your child during the activity to know what, or who, is having an undesirable effect on him. Third, you might be starting him on a course which could eclipse his desire for the work of the Lord. Here in Australia, as in many western nations, worship of sport is a national religion. Are you conforming to the world in this area? Are you, by your actions, unwittingly saying to your child that his recreation is more important than concern for the lost, that his money should buy a new hockey stick rather than Bibles for poor believers in other countries? Have we got recreation and spiritual things in a right balance? "For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come."(1 Timothy 4:8) Anyone can see that sports these days are not played for innocent fun anymore, they are played with a win-at-all-costs, aggressive attitude. This is not to say that our children should not be involved in any sports, but that we should be extra careful of our emphasis. We surely do not want to emphasize to our children that they should be consumed with gratifying the flesh, or with pleasure-seeking instead of seeking things of eternal value. We must look ahead, and see what a particular sport or activity leads to, so as not to frustrate our children. For example, are the competitors expected to wear clothing that you would normally think of as immodest? Bowling is a dignified and gentle game, but it is played in an environment where alcoholic drinks are served. This is also true of darts and billiards. Biblically, the games are "lawful" for us to play, but for our children's sake, let us use wisdom. To the child who excels at a sport comes the greatest temptation. It is up to us to communicate the right balance to our children, otherwise we may be endangering their Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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souls. Another common, but ignored effect of `overscheduling' our children's lives with activities, is that they become excessively tired. I quote here from the secular book, `The 7 O'clock Bedtime' by Inda Schaenen: "A child bustled along from place to place without regard for a predictable routine and reasonable bedtime is not living her own life (even if she's begging for the entertainment and activity); she is being dragged through life as if she were tied to the back of a freight train. Most likely the freight is not even her own; it belongs to the adults in her life who are pursuing an agenda of their own . . . This constant hurry, this rushing headlong through life from activity to activity, ending with a period of numbing attention to the television set or to the so-called educational computer game, results in poor sleep. The poor sleep causes the daytime problems, and the cycle is kept in motion." In the case of homeschoolers, the adults' "agenda" this author is referring to may be the compulsion to have your child outshine all others, thereby `justifying' the choice to homeschool. In light of this, honestly evaluate your motives in enrolling your children in too many activities, and confess the sin of pride to the Lord Jesus if this is true of you. If you suspect that you may need to cut down on outside commitments, but are not sure how to achieve this, the best thing to do is consult your husband. Together you can ask the Lord to help you get this area of your life in order. You might decide to choose just one type of recreation, that the whole family can be involved in together, rather than everyone doing something different. Your husband might be willing to pay a little extra to have the music teacher visit your home for lessons, so that there is the least disruption possible to the home routine. There will be solutions, when we diligently look for them. The fact remains that commitments outside the home rob us of a lot more time than the engagement itself takes up. The time our children spend in the car is, for the most part, time lost. The scene outside flashes by too quickly for them to learn much from it, and for some reason, travelling tires everyone out. For necessary journeys, especially on the way to church, listening to the Bible on cassette, or singing hymns together could be the most fruitful use of travel time. The main reason too many outside commitments drain us is two-fold: they take up our time and energy, and they leave us with a lot of business left undone at our post - the home. As a homeschooling parent, we must prayerfully guard our priorities, value our God-given role, and minimise our commitments outside the home. This will release us from a habit that undermines our spiritual goals for our family, and will relieve us of a great deal of stress.
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CHAPTER 6
Housework Stress
Housework - The Job That Never Ends? The housework struggle is a very common complaint among homeschoolers, and if it is not approached with God's wisdom, housework can cause stress to pile up quicker than anything else. Whether you kept a perfectly neat and orderly home before you had children or not, housework needs a new approach when you are a homeschooling parent. It is easy to see where the feeling of frustration comes from when we view housework in the modern, conventional way. This twentieth-century way of doing housework is to get the children out of the house for the day, get the work all done in the morning, and enjoy the orderliness until the rest of the family arrive home to mess it up. Having the house messed up on us wouldn't be too stressful, though, because we knew we would have the same opportunity the next day to get it back in order again. The reason this twentieth-century approach does not work for the homeschooling mum is obvious - as fast as you can tidy, the houseful of people around you are generating disorder, just by being there and getting on with their lives! It is the frustration of feeling that you have never got it licked that is so disheartening. In her autobiography Give Me This Mountain, Helen Roseveare relates an experience like this. As a young medical school graduate and prospective missionary, she Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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was assigned the task of mopping the bathroom floors at the Missionary Training Centre. Although not accustomed to such menial chores, Helen went at it with a will. No sooner was the job done, however, than some one would come striding in and track dirt through the room. Helen would once again brandish her mop and remove the offending footprints, only to have it happen again and again. As her frustration was beginning to peak, Helen's superior came in and asked the cause of her distress. Helen told her. Then her superior asked her, "Who are you doing this job for?" Helen replied, "Well, for you.You asked me to do it." "Aren't you doing it for God?" Helen considered. "Well, yes, I guess I am." "Then," said the superior, "He saw it finished the first time, and that," she said, pointing, "is now tomorrow's dirt. Come on." There is a precious truth for us in what Helen learned that day, a truth that will release us from the sin of pride. Yes, pride. Although we should have a home that is neat and orderly enough to function smoothly, we do not want to be `houseproud'. We should do our housework for God, but the house should not become a god to us. It is because this twentieth-century approach to housework is not effective for the homeschooling family, that we have to look about for a new approach. And one of the best new approaches is actually an old one - the nineteenth-century approach: families working together, and a simplified homelife. First of all, let's look at why some elements in our mothers' and grandmothers' approach to housework are not appropriate. In generations gone by, it was understood by all that many `messy' operations happened daily in the course of running a home. Therefore most homes had a parlour, a `front room' or sitting room that was kept spotless for one purpose; to receive visitors. Likewise, a middle-class home had a dining room - guests certainly did not eat in the kitchen where dirty pots and pans might be seen. These `formal' rooms were not used daily by the household, and they were out of bounds to children, so they were easy to keep presentable for visitors. It was not expected that every room in the house look like a showhome - too much work was ongoing for that. But gradually modern home appliances, such as vacuum cleaners, blenders and microwave ovens began to make the work of the home easier. Modern easy-clean surfaces like laminex and tiles, wonder-working cleaners, and a host of labour-saving devices, have tempted housewives to try to maintain every room to a showhome standard. So although in theory the housework should be easier, the expectations of society have risen to match. If, therefore, we look at glossy home decor magazines, or the perfect homes on a television show and compare them with our own, we will have sown seeds of discontent in our hearts. So does the answer lie in lowering our standards? No, I don't believe so, but it does lie mainly in simplifying the work to be done, and in intelligently delegating specific tasks. 58
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Getting Inspired If the number of books available on the topic is any indication, everyone in the western world seems to be concerned about how to transform their home into a spotless wonder with very little effort. Although they are not all from a Christian perspective, many of these books will contain helpful ideas. Ask your friends which books they recommend. Rather than trying to buy them all, borrow one at a time from friends or the library. Buy a large notebook (preferably with divisions), and as you read, jot down the ideas you come across which you could confidently put into practise either now, or in the near future. Use the notebook divisions to group the ideas into `Kitchen', `Laundry', `Cleaning', or any other appropriate categories. This will be a lot more economical than buying all these books, especially since often less than half the ideas will be relevant to you. For example, one of my favourite books of this type is Don Aslett's Make Your House Do The Housework, which focuses a lot on avoiding housework by structuring the home in certain ways. It's a great book, but not very relevant to people renting a home they can't change. Again, a homeschooling mum in one book I read says she solved her housework problem by hiring a cheap, live-in, non-English speaking maid. This might be relevant if you live in North America, but probably not otherwise. Finally, some books presume you can afford to go out and buy that great storage system they've just described, but you know different. So taking notes of the information you can use is a great way to go. The fact that so many books are coming onto the market on how to organise the home reveals some things about today's society. Perhaps this tells us that mothers are no longer teaching their daughters homemaking skills. Perhaps the mothers thought that we have so many labour-saving tools that no skill is needed! (Contrast this current `western' attitude with the fact that in Slovenia, part of old Yugoslavia, housekeeping is still an examinable school subject.) Maybe modern parents believe their daughters will follow a career outside the home, and just use a paid cleaner and fast foods. Whatever the reason, there is obviously a great demand for these books as today's generation find they cannot adequately manage their homes. As mentioned in earlier chapters, it is often the rampant accumulation of possessions which sends the house out of control. Trying to keep track of everyone's things is a nightmare, yet there is usually no slacking of the pace in buying more gadgets. Like spoilt children, we want our cake, and eat it too. We keep buying more things, and starting new hobbies, but then wonder why we can't keep it all organised. Our life wearies us just trying to think about it. Here is where the `grass hut mentality' comes to our rescue. We must work towards simplifying. A New Guinea tribesman's life is too simple to need a filing system to keep him organised. Don't you wish yours was too? Now, I'm not saying you Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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should live with just one backpack of goods per family member. (I do own a filing cabinet, by the way!) But I am saying it is quite possible that your housework load will become much more manageable when you let go of some of the earthly possessions that clutter your life. We need to find God's balance for our family. "And having food and raiment let us be therewith content." (1 Timothy 6:8) Steps to Get Organised As mentioned, there are many resources available to help you get effective control of your house, so we won't try to duplicate their collective advice here. However, it is appropriate to summarise the more important steps from a homeschooler's point of view. This is because, unlike most of those books, we have a goal of teaching our children these skills, and managing our homes in a way that brings glory to God. First we'll look at general home organising in three steps; de-clutter, systemise and maintain. Then we'll look at the four principles of delegation, and lastly we'll see where housework stress can be reduced specifically in the kitchen, the laundry and in the general cleaning schedule. 1. De-clutter. Whole books have been written on just this one step - the process of reducing to zero non-essential items, and keeping essentials in a clutter-free manner. It makes sense that the less things you have to organise, the easier your organising will be. So be ruthless rather than sentimental in your sorting and throwing out. Don Aslett's book Clutter's Last Stand has some truly amazing tales of how people can be in bondage to their possessions. I had a dear friend in one place we lived who described her problem of owning too many things. She and her husband were an older couple with only one child left at home. The wife had inherited a houseful of goods from her parents when they died, her husband had likewise a houseful from his parents, and since they had married late in life, they each had their own household effects as well. All that duplication should have been easy to reduce, but being well-to-do meant that many of these things were expensive antiques, as well as having sentimental value. This friend shared with me that when they moved to Australia and bought a farmhouse, the container-loads of goods which arrived on trucks soon afterwards could not be fitted in at all. They bought a second house, rather than part with anything. It is important to regularly de-clutter for spiritual, as well as practical reasons. Although we may have never given the spiritual side of it a thought, think of how much less Jesus might have accomplished during His earthly ministry if He was encumbered with a houseload of clutter. Both He and the Apostle Paul travelled `light' to be able to respond to God's directing at a moment's notice. Now, I know we may not be called to foreign fields, and we have children to provide for, but we too will benefit spiritually when 60
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we have de-cluttered our lives. This is because somehow our minds become less burdened as we de-clutter our homes, and we are more free to dwell on spiritual things instead of becoming distracted by thoughts of unfinished housework. Because it seems that de-cluttering is one of those activities that are difficult to make time for, it just keeps getting put off. The best way I find to make a start when the clutter has got out of hand, is to invite a friend over for the day, or the morning, for the set purpose of getting your rooms sorted out. That friend will keep the appointment you've set, which makes you keep it too! If you need to, invite two friends so that one can supervise younger children while you work without distraction. Work on one room at a time together. Have plenty of garbage bags or cardboard boxes on hand, and be ruthless. Take things that really need to go to the tip, or to the Op Shop straight out to the car, and plan to take them that afternoon, if possible. Things that you feel to keep, but don't need to have on hand for now (such as newborn baby clothes), box up, label clearly and store somewhere out of the way, like under the bed or in the garage. Of course, your friend cannot make decisions for you on what is important to keep, but they are there to encourage you to keep at it, to save you time by ferrying things out to the car or garage, and they may be able to pre-sort things. For example, you might ask them to go through a box of magazines and throw out everything except the gardening ones. You may want to keep a notebook which details those things that are in storage, and where they have been put. This is in case you forget what you have and go and buy more when they are needed. (I've done this!) It can be exhausting to launch a major assault on years (or on only months!) of accumulation. Even so, try to make a complete job of it, over a few days if necessary, so you can have a clean start. Keep reading those `Get Organised' books to inspire yourself to carry on. Perhaps plan ahead so that you have a special dinner already prepared and can relax in the evening. Encourage your children also to practise the difficult act of parting with their things. Explain to them that they do not need nine teddy bears, or twenty winter dresses. 2. Systemize Having pruned back hard on all the household belongings, the rest of your job is really much easier, and can actually be pleasant. (By the way, because you are scheduling in this extra time to get organised, you may choose to declare a break from schoolwork, so that your attention isn't divided.) Older children may be of help at this stage, either in setting up the systems or in helping the younger ones enjoy a playtime outside. Now that you have de-cluttered, you will want to organise the items which are left in such a way that they will stay orderly, and so that future de-cluttering will be a breeze. Again, there are a host of workable ideas for home organizing systems in the many books available, and on various websites too (see Chapter 19). We will just mention a few Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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examples: a) On the inside of the children's wardrobe door you can post a list of the total number of each sort of clothing item they are allowed. For example, 8 pairs socks, 5 singlets, 4 skivvies, 3 jumpers, 6 winter dresses, 6 summer dresses, etc. Every six months, on your calendar, you appoint a day on which the children must go through all their clothes and check the totals against what they've got in their drawers and wardrobes. (They may have accumulated extra through hand-me-downs, birthday gifts, etc.) They can decide which items they prefer to keep, up to the limit on their list. Then the clothes can go back neatly into their drawers or onto hangers. Older children should help their younger brothers and sisters with this little project, making it fun for them to count and sort. If you have no older ones, of course you will do this with your little ones so they learn this important lesson in orderliness. With a little system like this, de-cluttering clothes will simply be a matter of saying the word to your children as you hand them a bag each, and in less than an hour it is done. b) Many systems are simply a matter of labelling the precise spot where you want things to go. In the pantry, for example, it is best to collect suitable, standard size containers for each type of food, and label the shelf you want it to stay on as well as the container itself. Many small drawers labelled are easier to keep in order than just three huge drawers with ten different types of things in each. (If you label in nice clear print you will also help your pre-readers learn familiar words.) c) A shopping system using a master list which is ticked off each week works well. A notebook and pen on a cord connected to the pantry door means you can jot down shopping needs as soon as you see an item has run out. A friend of mine with lots of older children has developed a shopping system for the supermarket they always go to. The children are assigned two or three aisles each (which they get to know like the back of their hand!), and are given a trolley and a list for just those aisles. In no time the whole shopping is done for that large family. To take this system a step further, as they get older, the children might be made responsible for checking how much is left in the pantry at home of the things in their aisle, and compile the shopping lists themselves. Of course, there will be changes from time to time, due to a birthday or a planned picnic, etc, but the master lists will take care of the rest. d) An example of a laundry system commonly in use is separate baskets for whites and dark-coloured clothes. If you know a carpenter, an even tidier system is built-in hampers under the laundry bench which pivot out towards you when you pull the handles. e) You might write yourself a Last-thing-at-Night system and stick it to the inside of a kitchen cupboard door (no, not to the fridge - that looks tacky, not tidy!). This list might remind you of the things you can do last thing to help the morning go smoothly. It 62
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could include: soak alfalfa sprouts, set bread dough to rise overnight, measure porridge into pot for the morning, set oven cleaner going overnight, mix up pancake batter and put in fridge, take roast out of freezer, set white washing to soak overnight, mix up yoghurt to set overnight, etc. Naturally, you would only do those things that applied that night, but to have a list to refer to would really help when your brain is probably too tired to remember everything. The best type of system is `structure' which, once in place, by its very nature avoids housework without conscious effort on anyone's part. Sometimes `structure' is part of the house, like having only two doors to the outside through which dirt will walk in. It can be as simple as efficient long doormats which do the job of wiping shoes even if people forget to wipe their feet. Commercial quality doormats can take in months of dirt before needing to be banged out or vacuumed. A specially built bunkbed can be `structure' that avoids housework by removing two trouble spots where clutter accumulates. If the bed is built on top of a low wardrobe, there will no longer be under-bed clutter, or on-top-ofwardrobe clutter, because each of those spaces are now permanently occupied. 3. Maintain Having de-cluttered and got some systems in place to help things happen more automatically, the last step is to follow a maintenance programme to prevent you slipping back into a muddle. The easier the systems, and the clearer the maintenance programme, the less the whole housework load will depend on just you. Housework seems most stressful when everything hinges on `Mother', because she's the only one who knows where everything goes, she's the only one who knows what we're having for tea, or how she wants the washing done. Instead of this situation, the maintenance programme, by putting your systems to work, means that anyone (not just Mum), can slot into a clearly defined task. To establish a maintenance programme means scheduling in a time, and a person or team, to do what needs to be done to maintain order. This will usually mean having a large clear calendar on display, or a roster you make yourself, to which everyone can refer. For very young children, you can even do a picture roster, with things like a drawing of a bin to remind them to empty all the waste paper baskets. To make life simple, let's say you decide that all the daily jobs are to be done at three times: after breakfast, after lunch, and after tea. This way, just as everyone is about to leave the meal table they can be told, "All go and do your after-lunch jobs now, please," and there shouldn't be any time to forget! Be clear about what a job includes. Bringing in the washing might mean folding and putting it away too. One day a week, say Thursdays, might have weekly jobs listed for the afternoon. This might be when the bathroom gets cleaned, the car gets washed, the church Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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shoes get polished, and so on. But if a time is not scheduled for it, it won't happen. Or it will only happen at the last minute, causing stress. Your maintenance programme will include monthly jobs (clean the windows, etc) and six-monthly jobs (de-clutter wardrobes, etc), or whatever else suits your routine and household. If this sounds too regimented for you, you can still make your programme flexible and spontaneous by using `substitute' times : vacuuming can be Monday or Friday, in case you decide to go to the park on Monday because it happens to be such good kite-flying weather. You might decide that instead of the `big' job of cleaning all the windows monthly, three minutes could be spent doing one window per day. If you know your flesh is weak when it comes to keeping a routine, but you feel you desperately need to, let your husband know exactly what you are trying to do and ask him to help you be accountable to him for your time. By telling him what you want to accomplish, and knowing he will ask you later what you got done, you might be more motivated than otherwise, especially when your husband recognises your efforts and praises your successes! Commit this area of your life also to God in prayer. Tell Him it is His house, and all the things and people in it are His. Ask Him to help you do the work of the house to His glory, using His wisdom, and without feeling stressed. Before we go on to the specific areas of kitchen, laundry and cleaning, there are some general principles we can use as homeschoolers which will always apply. Because we are training our children at home, teaching them the skills needed to run the home should be a natural priority. Even if you have some doubts about whether home is the natural environment for learning academics, you will agree that it is the best place possible to learn about cooking and cleaning. A key way to relieve housework stress is to delegate the tasks to the children, as and when they are able to learn them. Many mothers, although they agree with this in theory, quickly dismiss the idea and revert to sweeping the children outside while they get on and do the housework. Their typical reasons often run like this; "Oh, I can do it quicker myself," or "They leave such a mess when they cook," or "They just don't do it right," or (my favourite!) "When my boys clean the house it looks like, like, well, like boys have cleaned it!" There are two things wrong with our attitude if we do not want to learn to delegate the housework to our children. First, we have a problem with pride, and second, we are robbing our children of a very important part of their education. Now have I got your attention? Principles of Delegating The first step, before we can delegate a task, is to teach the job to the child, from start to finish. It's no good waiting until you are snowed under and desperate for help 64
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before giving them a new job, presuming that because they've seen you do it, they'll know what to do. You'll only get frustrated by their failure, and they will get discouraged too. Instead, take the time to show, explain and demonstrate in a light-hearted, fun way. You are patiently teaching, they are learning. Do the new job together several times until they can do it all, while you watch. Don't take over just because they can't do as perfect a job as you. Instead, explain that the chips will cook more evenly if they are all cut the same size, but don't discard his odd shaped pieces of potato. One day your child will be able to cut perfect potato chips, and probably at a much younger age than you could! (Tell him these encouraging words as you smile at his early efforts.) Another principle when learning to delegate is this: Don't waste willingness. How many times a day do young children say "Can I help? Huh? Can I, Mum? Can I help?" They are so willing! If we consistently fob them off with a "Not right now dear, run along and play," they will grow to be the reluctant teens to whom we will be saying, "Why don't you ever help me?" Don't waste willingness! (It's worth repeating.) Say, "Oh, thank you, darling, what a willing worker you are! Yes, I really need your help right now. Could you please grab these peelings out of the sink, and pop them into the bucket? Thank you helper-girl!" And watch the big smile on your child's face. Think of anything off the top of your head that they can do right then to `help' you. Perhaps there seems literally nothing they can do, but you can get creative and think of something quick. Picture the father hard at work using a power-saw to cut up lengths of wood. Along comes his four-year-old son who says, "Can I help, Dad?" Now, Dad's natural inclination is to say, "No, son, keep right back now," but instead he gets out some more earmuffs, tightens up a pair of safety glasses onto his son's head, and says, "I really need you to hold the other end of the wood while I cut, and push it along to me every time the bit I cut drops off, okay?" The serious concentration on the face of Dad's little helper as he works is a great reward. And children need to know that their contribution to the family is important. How early can they help? As soon as they can toddle. Or before. Let baby pick up the blocks with you before dinner, with lots of encouragement and clapping when he does it right. Don't just put the child in the high chair when dinner's ready and let him watch you pick up all the blocks. For one thing, he probably feels like you're having all the fun, and for another, you are teaching him that Mum cleans up after him and that it's not his responsibility. Some children seem to have `tidiness' built into them from birth, but others just never seem to notice a mess and you will have to train them consistently. Remember to teach them that the job is not finished until the clearing up is also done. Check this regularly and praise them for their diligence. A child who does their job for the first time without Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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having to be told or reminded deserves special praise. After teaching a job well, and taking advantage of children's willingness, the next principle is to use the `apprentice' system. This means that after you've taught your older child a particular job, and they have been doing it well for some time, ask them to teach the job to a younger child. This is taking the training a step further, by teaching your child to teach others. For example, our seven year old is responsible for feeding the hens, but he always takes his three-year-old brother along to help carry the wheat. Our ten-yearold girl takes her five-year-old sister out to bring in the wash with her, so everyone has their own little helper. This is an important link in the chain of learning. A friend of mine whose career was in the area of computers went on a course once which was called "Train the Trainer". This course was developed because people realised it was possible to train someone to do a job without training them to adequately train others to do the same. As homeschool parents, we will oversee our older children teach younger ones their jobs. We will encourage them to be patient and gentle with the younger ones as they teach, reminding them that they themselves found it hard at first. You will probably hear your own words and tone of voice imitated by your older children as they work with the young ones, whether good or not so good! You will also uncover common childish character faults like impatience that you will be able to deal with gently. This `apprentice' system has an extra benefit besides sharing out the work of the home and teaching children to teach others; it builds strong relationships of loyalty and interdependence between our children. We lead a `cheer' with our children, a bit like the old "All for one and one for all!" of the Three Musketeers. Ours goes "Boys together, brothers forever!" or "Girls together, sisters forever!". Needless to say, all glory to the Lord Jesus, we've never had any `sibling rivalry' problems. Once you've got it together with teaching, with tapping youthful willingness, and with the apprentice system, you're ready for the last principle of delegating. This principle states: Don't spend your time doing what the children can do. What this means is, don't fall back into doing their jobs. There are lots of jobs they cannot do because of the nature of the task. For example, none of my children can be delegated to write this book for me, but they should be doing the tasks they can, to free up my time for this work. I will personally need to decide on curriculum needs for the next school year, and refer them to my husband for approval, I need to personally check the suitability of their library book choices, I need to drive the car to visit the sick, and none of these things can be delegated to my children. But if I add to my load the things they could be doing, I am adding needless stress, and I'll have less time left for the things that only I can do. We mothers may set out delegating well, but by force of a lifetime habit, take over the children's role, again subconsciously thinking, "It's quicker for me to do it." We 66
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must remind ourselves that it is only quicker for us in the short term. As the family grows, long term it will only be `quicker' if everybody has learned to help. When it is appropriate, children do enjoy it when you are working with them, rather than leaving them `to it' completely. But a balance of teamwork and working independently will be best. Being flexible and cheerfully stepping in to another's job for them when needed is a good example to show the children. Whenever you are tempted to again feel that you could get it done better and quicker than your child is doing, just think how you would feel if you were bedridden, and able to do literally nothing for weeks. You would then be grateful for their best efforts, wouldn't you? Even if the results were a little substandard! Reducing Kitchen Stress Let's zoom in on the kitchen area, and see where operations can be streamlined, with the help of your `junior team'. Much of the mother's time is consumed in the kitchen, so shortcuts here will be very beneficial. Of course, very few women would say they had the perfect kitchen layout, but you can still work with what you've got and make gradual improvements when possible. (We lived in an eighteen-foot caravan for about sixteen months, with five children, but my husband managed to provide me with three metres of bench space in the caravan kitchen!) Lots of bench space for lots of helpers is good when preparing food. Sometimes a bench area that sticks out a little into the room is handy so that two can work opposite each other, rather than always side by side. When you begin a baking day, start by filling the sink with hot soapy water so that utensils can go straight in and be washing themselves as you go. Have multiples of the basic kitchen needs so that every one can help, and so that the operation isn't held up because no-one can find the only can-opener. For each child you'll need a chopping board, suitable knives, a peeler, a grater, a citrus juicer, wooden spoons, measuring cups, large and small bowls, and anything else you commonly use. Even a twoor three-year-old can be put to work on meal preparation. He can safely cut up peeled bananas with a plastic knife, put the pieces in a large bowl, tip in two big opened tins of fruit salad, mix it all together and produce: dessert! My oldest niece used to make all the sandwiches and call the family in for lunch when she was five. Often kitchen benches are too high for younger children, and perching on stools might invite an accident, so see whether you could fit a low table in to act as an `island' bench. For large messy jobs like preparing buckets of apricots for preserving, etc, setting a trestle table up outside will save your kitchen from needing a big clean-up. Avoiding mess is always smarter than cleaning up mess. Here in Australia the climate lends itself to eating out-of-doors in most areas, so try to dine outside as often as possible and let the birds take care of the crumbs. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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In our family, we don't let a baby try to feed himself messy foods with a spoon until he is at least two years old. We spoon-feed him, scraping off any mess in between mouthfuls. This seems to encourage babies to `eat clean' when they do begin to feed themselves, instead of getting used to making a big mess while they are too young to control a spoon well. Diligent use of bibs will save the spoiling of good clothes (especially when the family is partial to spaghetti!), and if older children slop on themselves or the table, they could be required to wear a bib the next meal as a motivation to be more careful! Of course, the whole family could dine restaurant-style with elegant linen serviettes, but the point is, you want your children to be mindful of not creating unnecessary mess. One friend of mine, with three young boys, had an intriguing dining table centre-piece of a large cutglass covered butterdish. At the end of the meal, all was revealed. Inside were three damp face washers, ready to be applied to little hands and faces before their owners were released from the table. You've learnt by experience, of course, in which order to wipe faces and hands? Try to approach any one-year-old whose face and fingers are full of peanut butter. If you clean his face first, the hands come up to feel his damp cheeks, leaving smears behind them. So clean the hands well first, then quickly wipe the face! As with elsewhere in the home, simplifying in the kitchen is the key. Especially while your children are young, let the meals be simple. Cooking should be fun, and menu varieties are endless, but don't fall into the trap of letting food preparation amount to burdensome proportions. I suspect somehow that Martha of Bethany in chapter ten of the Gospel of Luke, had this problem. She complained to Jesus that her sister Mary was not helping her with the serving of food. In view of the fact that Jesus and his disciples would have been satisfied with the simplest of foods (they plucked and ate grain while walking along, and looked for figs on a roadside fig tree), Martha was possibly preparing too impressive a meal. Jesus, on the other hand, prepared a meal of bread and fish, cooked over hot coals on the beach, for His disciples who had been fishing all night in vain. He knew that honest labour and hunger turns a simple meal into a feast. Now, we all enjoy festive occasions and exotic dishes, but perhaps we should be careful about tantalising our appetites too often, and concentrate on satisfying a worked-up hunger with a simple but nourishing meal. Very young children enjoy `water play', and will usually be quite eager to wash up. Make it easy for them to help by using plastic bowls, and have a sturdy support they can stand on to reach the sink. (If you prefer elegant tableware, and can afford it, there are some very handsome melamine dinner settings available that look like expensive china, but are easy for little hands to manage.) A towel on the floor will prevent it from becoming wet and slippery. Although your child could enjoy dunking cups in the sink for hours, to really teach him the art of washing up, and for the sake of the teatowel crew who are 68
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standing there waiting, show him a washing up method. Hold the dishcloth with him and say something like, "Wash round and round, inside and out, have a good look - is it clean? In the drainer now, next one!" Let him know that he is washing up for results, not just fun. Praise a job well done. By about age four he can be promoted to take turns at drying up too. Should you use a dishwasher? Be sure first that it is the best choice for your situation. When we were young we used to suggest to our Dad that he buy a dishwasher, but he would always say, "Why should I when I've already got four dishwashers?" (meaning us children!) Although over the years I've dreamed up ways of letting washed dishes dry themselves in a neat corner, you really can't beat the togetherness, or efficiency, of family members doing the dishes after a meal. As we remind our children, "if any would not work, neither should he eat" (2 Thessalonians 3:10), but in the case of dishes, they get to do the eating first! Doing the dishes with a cheerful attitude is one way of being grateful for our food. There are always ways we might be able to speed things up for ourselves in the area of cooking. For example, there are electric kettles available today which can boil up to two litres of water in under two minutes. It makes sense then, to boil the water first in the kettle, and pour this into your saucepan to cook your vegetables, pasta, porridge, etc, instead of waiting for the stove to heat up the water and food. The popular 2-minute noodle varieties don't need to go on the stove at all - just pour boiling water over them and let them stand covered for about five minutes. If you store small eggs at room temperature, they can be `soft boiled' in a warmed pot by simply pouring boiling water over them and allowing them to stand for five or so minutes. If you need a quick meal occasionally, have some cans of `condensed' soup on hand. Open the cans while you boil your trusty kettle, empty them into a large serving bowl, then dilute as required with boiling water. The soup should then be at a perfect serving temperature. If many of the recipes you use start off with "First brown the mince . . .", then you might as well brown the week's worth in one big pot when you get it home from shopping, and put individual recipe quantities, cooked, into the freezer. Brown your mince with the onions and garlic too, if you like; it'll save you a lot of time through the week. Sometimes we may have to step outside of the `normal' routine of food preparation and choose a schedule more fitting to our own circumstances. In our family, for example, since all the members are home through the daytime, we have the main meal at noon, and a light tea of scones or raisin toast in the evening. This routine has three benefits for us; there is much less washing up at night when everyone's tired, there is more evening time to spend together, and those who wear a nappy to bed are less likely to be wet in the morning after toast at night. Once a week on Saturdays, we have a big sleep-in, read stories around the bed and nibble our way through the morning on crackers and apples. This means Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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there are only two meals left to prepare that day. Think and pray about ways to simplify the kitchen department to suit your family. As the family grows, or if you regularly have guests for meals, it may become appropriate to buy bigger pots and larger trays, etc, instead having to do double batches of everything, taking twice the time. We like pancakes, but it seemed to take forever to cook enough pancakes for the family in our two large frypans. And we wanted them while they were still hot! So we invested in a four-burner gas BBQ, exchanging the grill plate for a second flat plate, and now: twelve pancakes can cook at once! Get a four slice toaster, or even two of them, to speed up toast time. These sorts of kitchen investments are very worthwhile. A visit to a catering supply place may give you some good ideas in this area, too. Our family likes a fortnightly treat of freshly cooked hot potato chips. After cutting up potatoes for hours by hand each time, we took to searching the shops for `chip-choppers'. The first two models we bought hardly lasted a week each, so we took the plunge and bought a large, wall-mounted, solid cast-iron potato chopper that cuts about thirty french fries in two seconds. Yes, it did cost over a hundred dollars, but since we can grow our own potatoes, this wise investment has saved us money as well as time. (Now we just need to find a bigger fryer . . .) Gaining Control of the Laundry The way we live our lives has certainly changed over the last couple of decades, and how we wear and wash our clothes has changed too. In reflecting on this, Carla Emery in her book The Encyclopedia of Country Living says that when she was a child, Sabbath-day clothes were not allowed to get dirty and everyday clothes were not expected to stay clean. Apart from babies' nappies and bathroom `accidents', you wore the same set of clothes all week until washday. The original clothes brush (not the lint-removing kind) served to brush the dried dirt off the clothes at night or in the morning, before putting them on again. Children were taught to be very mindful of their dresses, trousers and shirts, especially as they did not own many changes of clothing. Washing was not so easy, and clothing not so `disposable' as it is today. Today, `normal' seems to be to wear something for one day (or less!), then throw it in the wash. Underwear should be changed daily, but is it necessary or right to have to wash other clothes every day, just because we seem to have the luxury of doing so? In our western society, we use many times more water per person per day than in most other countries of the world; in fact, we are downright wasteful, just because our water is `on tap'. (How much less do you think you'd use if you had to walk even a hundred yards to fetch it by bucket each time?) The fact is, you would like fewer mountains of dirty wash, fewer washdays, 70
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less folding, putting away and ironing, am I right? Let's focus on reducing your laundry, since when washing builds up, it can be a significant source of stress. A neighbour of mine, mother of a large family, came home from a stay in hospital to find the family's dirty washing in the laundry room piled up higher than the windows, and everyone's wardrobes empty of clean clothes. No-one had kept up with it since the father was busy going to work, trying to cook dinners and visiting his wife, etc, and the children all went to school oblivious to the mounting housework. This conscientious, but overworked (and underhelped!) mother set to work to catch up, but the exertion soon had her back in hospital with torn stitches. And at least half the clothes weren't really dirty - they were thrown in the wash out of habit! So, what new practices can we put in place to reduce laundry? For one thing, have on hand a lidded bucket of soapy water for all small messy items to go straight into. These will include wet and dirty face washers, cleaning cloths, anything that comes to the wash damp or with solid soil on it. (You'll want a separate sterilizing bucket if you have babies' nappies, etc) The reason for this separation is so that mess does not set hard on the fabric, so that damp items don't begin to mould before wash day, so that they will come up cleaner after their soak, and so that their dirt and dampness is not transferred to other clothes in the wash basket. Teach your children not to just dump their clothes in a heap when they take them off for bed or for a bath. Teach them to inspect their clothes for cleanliness (praise them for keeping clean), and to fold them up neatly ready to wear again next day. They should not go back into the drawer of fresh clothes. Teach children to clean themselves well after using the toilet. If they are lazy and their underpants show it, they should be made to wash their own by hand until they reform. All these `little' things add up to a family awareness of minimising the wash. Although it might seem easiest to say to Junior when he's spilt gravy on his shirt "Oh, go and change out of that and put it in the wash!", these changes of clothes are all extra items to sort, wash, peg, fold and put away. Instead, send Junior to get a damp cloth and sponge off the gravy straight away. The stain will be gone, and the wet patch will soon dry. Some colours, patterns and fabric types hardly show any dirt at all, while others crease easily or show the slightest mark. Choose the most practical of clothing, then, especially for children. Denims and corduroys wear well. Darker colours stay clean-looking longer, but if you choose lighter colours, try to have the collars, cuffs and hems dark, as these places get grubby quickest. In your grandfather's young days, children could come to the meal table in play-soiled clothes, but scrubbed faces and hands, and combed hair always gave a clean appearance. To protect clothes, aprons should be worn when working about the house or kitchen. These can be made even more practical by pinning or sewing a handtowel on to the front, for wiping wet hands. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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Bathroom towels should get aired (not washed) on an outside line for an hour or two after each use. They can be freshened up with a wash every once in a while. After all, they shouldn't be dirty after drying a clean body. It really pays off to make children aware of their clothes. If you find an item of clothing looking too clean to belong in the dirty wash basket, take the trouble to confront its owner for an explanation. If there is not a good reason for it to have been thrown in the wash, either require it to be washed by hand, or require it to be put back on immediately. This is effective in making the child responsible for what he contributes to the wash. Make the laundry system as usable for the children as possible. Provide them with a small laundry basket of their own, preferably hooked on to the back of their bedroom door (so that it can't get tipped, and cleaning their floor is easier). You might want to provide them with two baskets, so that they can sort lights from darks themselves. Give them a supply of large nappy pins in their sock drawer, and tell them it is a rule to pin together the pair of socks they take off at night. The socks will then wash as a pair, dry as a pair, and only be taken apart to wear. This little system should see the end of odd socks! (By the way, if you have a stretch of chicken wire near the clothesline, it is quicker to poke socks through the holes to dry than peg them up.) Our socks stay comparatively clean because of our rule of changing footwear at the door. We live in a farming district, so my children mainly wear socks with gumboots outside (or shoes if we're going into town). When they are coming inside, they slip the boots off at the door and put slippers straight on. This way their socks manage to stay clean, whereas if they walked around inside in socks, I don't think my floors would be consistently clean enough to keep their socks spotless. In a warmer climate than ours (we live in the coldest state of Australia), your children may not wear socks at all, and they may therefore have to wash their feet at night. As well as sorting the wash for say, whites and coloureds, I like to wash the things that are only lightly soiled before the thoroughly dirty things. This is because I re-use the soapy water for a second load, so it's sensible to wash the grubbiest things last. Whenever possible, I also like to soak a load overnight. I do this for two reasons; one, because I get a cleaner result if clothes have soaked awhile before they go through the washing machine and two, I can get twice the mileage out of my washing product. This is how it's done. At night I run water into the washing machine to just half the level I normally use for washing. Then I add half the washing powder or liquid I would use for a full load, and mix it into the water well. The washing solution is at full strength, but it is only at half the volume needed to wash a full load. Now I add the full load of washing, pushing the clothes down into the water. The load will soak all night in the full strength solution, but in the morning I will add only water (no extra washing product), to bring the washing level up to the right volume to wash in, and set the machine going. 72
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When the washing is done and ready to dry, you might have your young helpers ready with their own small baskets. Give them small items that will be easy for them to manage, and head out to the washing line together. If the children can't reach the regular line, string their own little line up for them in the sunshine - they love this! I have a system of pegging my wash inside-out to prevent fading, but you probably have your own preferences which you will teach your children. I find things dry quicker if I peg each item separately, without overlapping, unless I am really short on space or pegs. Although expensive, it is worth buying the best quality pegs you can - they last forever and don't let the wash fly away in a gale. Some people don't leave pegs on the line, but I find it simpler to do so, and it doesn't hurt the good quality pegs. Although it is lovely to be out in the fresh air pegging wash on a sunny day, there can be a number of good reasons for the regular use of a clothes dryer when you are a homeschooling family. Days on end of wet weather is the most obvious reason for a dryer, especially if you have no verandah space, or feel that a loungeroom draped about with damp wash is unsightly. But there are other points to consider. If clothes are routinely put through the dryer after washing, you need not be anxious about it coming on to rain, especially if you've gone out for the day! Your clothes won't face the hazards of bird droppings or of being smoked by a neighbour burning off rubbish. You won't get peg marks on the clothes, and you can just about eliminate ironing if you fold or hang clothes still warm from the dryer. You don't usually need to use a fabric softener, since the tumbling action seems to condition the fabric instead. The dryer will remove lint from the clothes, speed up the processing of the day's wash, and if it is set on the floor, the dryer can be emptied by a child who could not normally reach the washing line. So although a clothes dryer obviously costs money to run, you might still come out ahead by not needing to use the iron so much, nor buy fabric softener. What is my personal preference? I prefer to wash in a large automatic, but spin the clothes out an extra time in the spin basket of a little twin tub washing machine. These seem to spin more water out in five minutes than anything else on the market (though I don't find them as efficient at washing). After spinning my clothes virtually dry, I peg them out in the sun (especially the whites), until they are dry, or almost dry. I then bring them in, turn them right side out, and finish them off in the dryer for about 10 - 15 minutes to reap some of the benefits mentioned above without much of the cost. Having said all that, right at this moment I do none of those things. I hand wash the daily underwear and take all the rest to a Laundromat once a week because my husband is plumbing up a pump to a big water tank at the new house we've just moved into, my washing machine is stored in a neighbour's shearing shed and I don't yet have a laundry room to use! (Just one of life's hiccups.) But I do know a homeschooling mum with a large family who for years has only ever used a Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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Laundromat. She takes about six or eight garbage bags full of dirties, and comes home an hour or two later with everything washed and dried for the week. (This lady no longer has children at the `nappy' or `accident' age.) Although expensive, their family has decided that this laundry routine is the most workable, and least stressful for them. If you asked me what I saw as the perfect laundry layout, I could picture it for you. The laundry would be a large room with the machines in the centre, and the walls on three or four sides adjoining the bedrooms. The children's clothes drawers, wardrobes, and dirty clothes hampers would all open two ways: they would be accessible to the laundry room through the wall. Dirties could all be collected, washed, dried and returned into the right drawers and wardrobes without leaving the one room. That's what I'd call a super-slick laundry layout! (Judging by what is usually provided as a laundry in a basic modern house, I don't think architects consult housewives on what they'd consider practical, do you?) To iron, or not to iron? That is the question. I hardly iron, although secretly I like ironing - it's `therapeutic' - I just don't have the time. Occasionally I will iron our church clothes, and I may need to use an iron in the course of a sewing project. I mainly choose clothes that don't really crush, or don't really matter. If clothes that are meant to be ironed do get ironed, they will look smarter (at least for the first thirty minutes of being worn), and I'm told that ironing clothes helps repel dirt by closing up the outer layer of fibres. So while I'm certainly not against ironing, if housework is stressing you, the ironing can be dispensed with. By the way, did you know that the cupboard commonly called a linen press was designed to `press' your linen? All those large square sheets and tablecloths were to be folded carefully and stacked into the linen press in such a way that the sheer weight of the fabrics pressed the items smooth without ironing. Do you have an ironing pile that has sat for months and months, haunting you? If the clothes in that `black hole' cannot be worn without being ironed, and you can't find time to iron them, then they are a burden you must part with. Get someone else to throw the lot into a garbage bag and take them to the Op Shop. You don't want to see what's in that pile - you have lived without them all for months (years?) and never missed them, so don't sort through them first! (Well, alright, take a quick peek - perhaps your husband's only black trousers are in there and he has a funeral on this week . . .) But don't feel guilty about throwing that pile out - take comfort in the fact that Jesus never wore clothes that needed to be ironed, and He's our example, right? An important system to have in place in the laundry is a small sewing repair kit. A little drawer or container right handy to the washing machine and dryer should contain small scissors, needles, an assortment of threads and buttons, and iron-on repair patches (this is where you keep your iron!). As you or the children fold clean wash, be vigilant and check for missing or loose buttons, a bit of stitching or hems come undone, 74
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holes or tears. Repair these immediately - they only take a minute - and avoid the sort of mending pile that sits and stagnates. One final idea that might help smooth the laundry system is tagging. All my children's clothes are tagged next to the manufacturer's label to identify which child the item belongs to. We used to use a black laundry marker and a system of dots: one dot for the eldest child, two dots for the next, and so on. The beauty of this system is that it is quick and easy, and when a garment gets handed down to the next child, you just add a dot to the tag. Now we have changed to a colour code instead. Each child has a colour (this same colour applies to many things that child owns - cups, school pencils, rulers, etc), so a small tag of coloured bias binding or cotton tape is stitched next to the manufacturer's label. This means that even a very young child can quickly sort the wash into each owner's pile by following the colour code. Do you find that baths and showers for all the family take a big chunk out of your day? Again our modern society has influenced us to bathe daily, simply because it is so easy to turn on a tap. But a daily bath or shower was unheard of in our mothers' or grandmothers' day, and is unheard of today in most countries. In a cool climate at least, there really is no need to shower daily (although we think so when we have got ourselves used to it!), and in fact I have read that it can be harmful to daily strip away our skin's natural oils in this way. One of the functions of our skin is as a barrier against disease, and too much hot water, lathering up and talcum powder can begin to cause skin problems. Anyone who has read Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House on the Prairie series will realise that in western society about one hundred years ago, bathing was done once a week on a Saturday evening before Sunday church. This cultural pattern had probably been established for over a thousand years, and only the last few decades have seen a change. In the cool climate of Tasmania, our family regularly has two bath days a week. But you don't have to stay dirty till bath day. If there is a need, grab a bucket or sink of warm water and a face washer, and an adult or older child can freshen themselves up quickly anytime. This method was the nature of the Jews' washings in Jesus' day, and probably still is wherever water is precious. If constant bathing is a source of stress, seriously consider cutting down in this area. The quickest bathing method is probably to bath all little girls together, then all little boys together. (As adults we don't take a bath or shower with our children since the Bible speaks about children not seeing their parents' nakedness (Genesis 9:23). Jesus also confirmed that children are to honour their parents. How can they if we show them our nakedness, which the Bible calls a shame and dishonour?) Teach the children how to wash themselves thoroughly. They can be perfectly clean in about five minutes, wrapped in a Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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towel and whisked off to the bedroom to be dressed by the other parent, or an older sibling, if they can't dress themselves. Dressing in the bathroom would make the process take longer. If as soon as the girls are out, the boys can jump in, the bath water will still be nicely hot and you won't have to run another bath. Train your children to always use the toilet before having a bath, and to bring their wet towels back out from the bedrooms. Older children will, of course, shower or bath themselves. Smarter Ways to Clean House An untidy or dirty house contributes to the family's discomfort, and to our stress. There are probably more books on this aspect of housework than on any other, but I also find that great tips often come from other mothers or grandmothers that we know. The reason seems to be simply that everyone has a slightly different way of doing things, or solutions come naturally to some that others haven't thought of. Usually you will have to learn these by observing other women in their homes and asking questions, but once I attended some "Titus Two" meetings where it was planned that the older women would teach the younger ones homemaking skills (see Titus 2:3-5). It was wonderful how so many little tips on cleaning and home management were described. As an example, one lady mentioned that she always laid some paper towel in the bottom of her fridge's vegie crisper "to catch the mess and drips and save washing up that big thing." She was amazed that no one else had thought of doing that. But it is an excellent idea! Although collecting usable ideas from people and books will be your focus, there are some basic `cleaning awareness' facts that are worth mentioning briefly. Preventing dirt entering the home by guarding all entrances with effective doormats is fundamental. As a substitute, taking shoes off at the door is acceptable, but this requires training, and you may not like imposing this rule on guests. Often the messiest floor (especially while your children are young), is that below the dining table. If at all possible then, make eating outdoors a part of your life. To me the ideal household flooring is a hard smooth surface over which a dustmop can glide, picking up dirt and dust. Polished floorboards, quality vinyl or sealed cork tiles would be good flooring choices. (If you are renting and can't change poor flooring, you might be able to roll some sheet vinyl over the top.) The dustmop then makes floor cleaning easy by attracting the dirt into its fibres, instead of flicking the dirt around the floor and into the air like a standard broom does. This procedure is simplest when furniture is built-in, and most clutter is stored up off the floor, so that the dustmop has no obstacles to contend with. When the dustmop is full, it is shaken outside, and can be put through the washing machine if necessary. Washing the floor should not be required too often if kitchen spills are wiped 76
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up immediately. When I do wash a large area of floor, I prefer to dry it off straight away with some old towels. I do this for several reasons. First, it avoids possible accidents from slipping, people can walk on the floor sooner, and rubbing the floor dry prevents the streaky look a washed floor sometimes has. A final good reason is revealed by the towels themselves - they get filthy! This means that the dirt picked up by the towels would have dried back onto the floor, so drying off leaves you with a cleaner floor. Carpets? Despite the fact that we live in Australia's coldest state, I am not personally fond of carpets. Most have a texture that harbours a volume of dirt which I suspect no amount of energetic vacuuming could ever extract. A short time ago we were given a few square metres of carpet to put down over the floorboards of a place we were renting. It was down about a month before we moved, during which time it was vacuumed mercilessly on several occasions. On moving day it was vacuumed again prior to rolling up, and you can imagine my dismay when underneath it was a thick film of fine dirt. If you must have carpet, get the low pile, tightly closed loop commercial quality type, preferably treated to repel dirt with a treatment such as "Scotchgard". And get the most powerful vacuum cleaner you can buy. What about warmth, you say? Those floorboards are cold! Comfort, warmth, quietness and a look of luxury are the main reasons people buy carpet. If you live in a warm climate you will be less likely to want carpet. Our personal ideal would be to have solar hot water plumbed under the floorboards for central heating. This can provide a comfortable temperature in the home, and make the home quieter because it's warm enough to wear just socks. (Dark coloured socks, though, for ease of laundering!) I'd be quite happy never to have to vacuum a carpet again, but one of the best uses for vacuum cleaners is swallowing down those cobwebs. This is often more efficient than the traditional feather duster. Although cleaned less often, the best surfaces for walls and ceilings are those not easily marked or damaged, such as wood panelling or brick. Second best are surfaces that are easy to clean, like boards sealed with quality scrubbable paint, or large glass panels. From a cleaning point of view, flyscreens fitted to the windows, and flyscreened doors have two benefits. First they prevent those unsightly flyspots all around the ceilings, and second, they can catch a degree of dust which would otherwise blow into the house. The screens should be the type that are easy to take down for regular cleaning. Gently brushing them free of dirt should be sufficient. Dust seems to be ever-present in a house. Some homes will get dustier than others for various reasons. If a gravel road runs right by your front door, you will know all about this! Planting a front screen of shrubs is the only help here. I like the cosiness of a wood fire in winter, but they are real dust generators. Bringing in the wood supply and taking out the ash are other sources of mess when you "keep the home fires burning". Unless Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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you can get the firewood for free and are therefore using the fire for reasons of economy, including cooking, you might look for an alternative. There are electric or gas models available now that are made to look exactly like a wood fire. So if ease of cleaning is the priority over running costs, choose these. Another way to combat the dust problem is to reduce the number of horizontal surfaces on which dust could settle. This means eliminating windowsills, skirting boards and architraves, or replacing them with a sharply angled surface instead. Wall cupboards also should reach to the ceilings so that there is no dust-collecting surface above them. The top of the fridge could also be built-in for the same reason. My preference with fridges is to have a couple of short ones that fit under the kitchen bench. This way their tops will never collect clutter, and you can fit more bench space in the kitchen. Bathrooms and toilets which are fully tiled are easiest to clean. Being small rooms, white or light coloured tiles work best. Keep the white for the tiles though, not the towels. Medium to dark towels will stay clean-looking longer. Fewer baths and showers means less cleaning needed in the bathroom, and if you can supply an outdoor handbasin at child-height, you will avoid a lot of mess coming in to the indoor bathroom. Actually, a whole outdoor bathroom is a great idea for warmer climates, and is only really an extension of the private backyard pool idea. Enclose an area with screens; perhaps some trellis clad with shadecloth, and don't worry about a ceiling. Wooden pallets or duckboarding will stop the floor turning to mud. Using this outdoor bathroom when possible will avoid a lot of the mildew buildup to which indoor bathrooms are prone. Finally a word on `toy clutter'. This is a real problem in some homes - there are playthings strewn about all over, and it never seems to get all picked up. What to do? Well, yes, children do need to play. But they probably more often have too many, rather than too few toys. First of all, have a blitz on the toys and get rid of all broken, old, unsuitable, outgrown, and pieces-missing toys. Then pack most of the rest into labelled containers and put them away. Bring out just a small selection of toys or games at a time, and rotate what's available because children soon tire of the same old toys. Concentrate more on developing outdoor playthings for when the weather's fine, or for a covered area. Trampolines, swings, cubbies, sandboxes, orbital tennis and mini golf are all suitable for a children's yard. Make the backyard very attractive to your children, and you will end up with less indoor mess and clutter. An indoor playroom is a great blessing, but don't just let it become the room where children scatter every toy and game over the floor with abandon, thinking that's what this room is for. Rather let it be the room where all the playthings are stored in an orderly way, and can be selected and returned with ease. One option to reduce toy clutter is to choose `tiny toys'. Many play items come in miniature, and often in their own little self-contained capsules which delight 78
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children. The well-known English toy car brand "Matchbox" came about because the school which the founder's young son attended only permitted children to bring toys which were small enough to fit in a match box. If you find you have to take drastic measures against toy clutter, you might impose a limit such as one drawer only full of toys per child. The children will soon choose small toys. We actually have very few toys considering the number of children in our home. This has come about probably for two reasons; first, because our `entertainment' focus is more on books than on toys, and second, because we spent sixteen months living in a caravan and became used to fewer toys. The main `toy' our children use, almost daily, is Lego blocks. The Lego Duplo blocks are big and fairly easy to pick up into a toy box, but a friend once shared with me a good idea for picking up the small regular Lego. You make up a large, round cloth playmat of a plain colour. Unbacked curtain material is ideal. Around the edge of this playmat you insert metal or plastic eyelets, through which you thread a cord. Instruct the children to play with the Lego pieces only on the playmat. When it is time to pack up, remove any Lego baseboards, and pull the drawstring cord together to form a sack containing all the small Lego pieces, and hang it up out of the way. When it is playtime again, open the sack out completely flat into the playmat again, and there's all the Lego sitting in the middle. Neat, eh? There are many great ideas like this that maintain order and cleanliness, so collect them up, or think them out yourself. Just dwell on the nature of the particular problem, discuss it with your husband (men often have wonderfully practical minds!), pray, and follow through to a solution. There is often such a simple answer. Like my sister-inlaw's idea of keeping colouring-in books and pencils in an adorably crafted picnic basket, nestled under a glass coffee table. Why didn't I think of that? Delegating Revisited We couldn't do better than to close this chapter with another look at delegating, this time in reference to the older child. Never feel guilty that you are requiring your children to gradually take over most of the housework, as if it was really your job and you are making them do it. The children live in the house too, and they generate most of the housework, so it is only reasonable that they help as much as possible, as early as possible. But more than that, remember that they are not doing the work for you, they are doing it for themselves, for their own education, to benefit their own future homes and their own future families. Would you rob them of that? Any fourteen-year-old, boy or girl, should have mastered all the normal tasks of running a home. Does this seem to be asking too much? In this country, by fifteen a child is permitted to leave school and become employed in the workforce full-time. If, then, the Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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world considers this child old enough to take on an adult responsibility, why should not the fourteen-year-old be made responsible for his full share of running the home, especially if he has been trained for it most of his life? So, take your hands off, let your young daughter take charge of the kitchen, and let your son tackle the laundry or cleaning. A book I read related a conversation where a homeschooling mother of a large family met someone newly interested in home teaching. Looking around at the older lady's flock, the stranger asked, "But how do you cope with all that housework?" "Housework?" the older mother smiled, "Why, I haven't done housework for years." And all the children smiled with the warmth of being truly appreciated. Once your children are teenagers, you too can arrive at the stage of not being needed, so far as performing housework is concerned. This won't mean, of course, that you will be sitting back with your feet up - Christians weren't called to do that! But it does mean your time will be free for other precious things. Perhaps you have a new baby to enjoy, you and your husband are developing home-business opportunities for your children, or you can give your time to spiritual endeavours like writing to missionary wives or persecuted prisoners. The opportunities for service are endless. And housework stress will be a thing of the past.
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CHAPTER 7
Babies, Toddlers and Preschoolers
Attention, attention! This is the main source of stress where littlies are concerned: how to divide your attention between the youngest ones who need you, and the schooling children who need you - at the same time. This is a very real problem in many people's minds, judging by the number of times I have been asked, "But how can you homeschool when you've got a baby?" Let's have a general look at why this situation has emerged as an obstacle to homeschooling, and why it shouldn't be. Then we'll look at the joys of having babies, toddlers and preschoolers in the homeschooling environment. Juggling Roles Many parents are frustrated because they feel that the demands of the schooling routine means the neglect of the younger children. This will always be the case if you follow a `classroom' pattern, rather than a homelife pattern. It is obvious that in a school classroom, all extra demands on the teacher are shut out, and she is free to devote her entire time and attention to the students before her. Even if she does have her own small children, she is unavailable to them, and they are whisked away out of sight and hearing until the end of the school day. Now while this is a professional teacher's choice, and should not affect us, what does affect us are the many curricula offered to homeschoolers which assume a Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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classroom situation. Because these courses are a full schoolday workload in classroom tradition, they thrust the mother into the role of a teacher who is paid to spend six hours a day away from her younger children. Only the mother is not away from her younger children. They `interrupt' her teaching all day. It is clear then, that if you have under school age children, the classroom pattern is not appropriate for the home. What, then, is the normal homelife pattern? You know yourself that on quiet weekends at home, or during school holidays, the older children are more independent and need less direct assistance throughout the day than an under school age child. This pattern should not be drastically altered on the days we school at home. Little ones need not be shunned and discouraged from approaching mother while she is teaching. As a matter of fact, if you have provided your children with good quality, self-explaining school books, and they are working at the level at which they are comfortably capable, you as the parent need do very little actual `teaching' at all. Once your children can read well, only your occasional guidance should be required, and your feedback as you correct their work. You may have some short, interactive sessions with the children, such as a times-table drill, phonics practise or to hear reading out loud, but none of these should take more than ten minutes each. In other words, design your homeschooling schedule and choose your materials to reflect the amount of undistracted time you have on hand to direct the learning activities. Don't ever buy a subject that needs a Teachers' Manual twice as thick as the student book - that stuff is not for you! It is for paid teachers in a baby-free classroom, and you will get frustrated trying to make it work in your home. There will be times when the students need to concentrate away from other siblings, and a desk in their room, or some other privacy should be provided. If you are conducting a learn-to-read lesson with one of the children, you need not feel guilty about making sure younger ones are happily occupied for a thirty minute timeslot. But it is not necessary to expect the youngest to go without, while homeschooling takes mother's attention for most of the day. Nor should older children be led to believe that their schoolbooks take priority over the toddler's comfort. Homeschooling is a family lifestyle; it should not feel like solitary confinement for the children, nor feel like a full-time job for the parent. Let God's wisdom prevail. Just because less than six hours a day is being spent on bookwork, does not mean your children will be missing out academically. In fact, if you diligently fill in your child's Schoolwork Diary with every form of educational input that comes up, you will be pleasantly surprised by all the `schooling' they accomplish in a day. (See Chapter 8 for more on Schoolwork Diaries.) Far from `missing out', your children's godly characters will be shaped by compassionate interaction with their younger siblings. 82
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Some Christian textbooks which are designed for classroom use are of excellent quality for the homeschool. But you do not necessarily have to use them in a `classroom' way - writing out answers to many questions. For example, we have a Social Studies textbook which has about thirty questions per chapter in the text. But you can also buy a whole workbook to go with this text, with many more questions and projects to fill up your child's life! In a classroom environment the teacher requires more written answers than the homeschool should require. This is because if the teacher asks for a verbal answer, only one or two children can give it, after which the whole class has heard the range of possible answers. But the home-taught child can do much of his schoolwork verbally if you wish, and cover more ground in his subjects more quickly. In the case of the Social Studies textbook mentioned, the most fun way to study is let the child read the chapter, then give him a verbal quiz of about ten questions out of the thirty in the book. Or he could give a verbal summary of the whole chapter. If these activities are done with the rest of the family as an audience, then everyone is learning something new together. (There are several curricula available that are especially designed to help students work more independently, without the need of a parent's constant involvement. But this won't be the only thing you are looking for in a curriculum, as discussed in the chapter called `Curriculum Woes'.) One of the benefits of schooling in a style that doesn't exclude the younger ones, is the extra learning they pick up, just by being around when schooling is happening. The three-year-old will hear his older brother recite the days of the week and months of the year, and he'll be sitting next to mother when his big sister tells the family what she has learnt about spiders. Learning together is one of the precious things about homeschooling, and such learning does not have an age limit. A Baby in the House In this Australian society averaging less than two children per couple, it is rare for older children to experience growing up with a baby in the house. This privilege is not to be undervalued, as many important skills can be learned by older children in preparation for managing their own families. The modern lack of mothering skills in particular has produced the many frustrated young mothers of today who frequently give up and place their children in daycare. These mothers did not have an opportunity to gain experience with babies in their own childhood days. Even if there was a baby at home, the older child was probably at school and did not have much time left to interact with their younger brother or sister. So learning to help raise little ones is a very important part of your child's education. By the time your youngest child is old enough to be capable in this area, they might just have some baby nieces or nephews to practise on! Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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There is one thing to bear in mind when babies seem to hold up the school schedule. Psalm 127:3 says, "Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." We must never fall into the trap of feeling resentful of the `intrusion' of little ones into our ordered lives, or frustrated because organising education is requiring some effort on our part. Pray for God's wisdom in balancing your time, and make sensible adjustments. God's attitude towards children - that they are a blessing, an heritage and a reward, must become our attitude too. Disturbed Nights For many mothers, a new baby means trying to cope with extra tiredness because of wakeful nights. This situation is generally accepted as normal, and Christian mothers especially are often encouraged to make this sacrifice, believing it is desirable to be available for baby at any hour of the night. There is no doubt, however, that struggling to overcome the effects of tiredness while carrying on with the duties of the day is stressful. It might surprise you to learn that there is also no doubt that healthy newborns do not need a midnight feed! I first discovered this when I had given birth, in hospital, to our second child. An older, matronly nurse brought in my two-day-old son and was chatting away over him for a few minutes like a doting grandmother. Before she left me to attend to him, she glanced around at the empty ward, then leaned forward and said in a quiet, `unofficial' voice, "Now don't you be getting up to this baby in the night, will you, dear." After imparting this old-fashioned advice, she left me to ponder the implications. Since that day many years ago, I have learned that in many cultures, babies are not attended to at night. In our own British culture about two centuries ago, it was actually considered harmful to feed a baby during its first twenty-four hours of life. Remember the news accounts of the earthquake which devastated a maternity hospital in Mexico City in 1985? Surviving newborn babies were removed from the rubble up to eight days after the disaster. It seems that except for very low birth-weight or premature babies, God has given the newborn enough reserves to sleep through the nights. It is simply that their immature `body clock' cannot tell them as yet when exactly night-time is! Here is where the parent can help. By allowing your infant to drift back to sleep instead of picking him up in the night, he quickly learns the appropriate sleep pattern. Three to four nights of not responding to the newborn is usually all it takes to `programme' their body clock in. Baby will then have a more comfortable night since he will not be so wet, and you (and your husband!) will have an uninterrupted night's sleep. For the first three months or so I aim to give baby a last feed at ten o'clock at night, and get up to the first morning feed at five o'clock. After that, baby gets put to bed at nine, then eight, etc, as he gets older. 84
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Most mothers can usually discern the difference between night crying for a feed, and the more insistent cry of actual distress. If baby's crying has not stopped after about ten minutes, or you suspect he might be teething, of course get up and comfort your baby. Understandably, many modern mothers may not feel at ease about training their newborn to sleep through. If this is you, take heart in the fact that the baby's body clock often adjusts itself to sleep seven or eight hours at night by about six weeks old. Be aware, however, that unlike men who need an average of eight hours sleep a night, women need nine, while pregnant or breastfeeding women need ten hours. This can vary between individuals, of course, but if you are experiencing a stress level which is hard to account for, the simple answer could be that you are lacking adequate sleep. This situation, though, should not be taken lightly. A friend of mine and her husband, when their first daughter was eighteen months old, were still having sleepless nights. The nightly pattern was this: daughter would wake at midnight, cry every time she was put back into the cot, mother would give in and put her in bed with her, husband could not sleep with daughter in bed, husband gets out and tries to sleep on floor of daughter's room, daughter continues fussing off and on all night, no one sleeps. The seriousness of this lack of training became even more evident after the second child was born. Sadly, the stress in this household ended in divorce. So, if you have a new baby, and lack of sleep is causing you stress, prayerfully consider training your child to sleep through the night. (My parents tell me that I was put in the garage as a baby if I cried at night!) The truth is, your baby needs a well rested mother much more than he needs a night feed. Toddler Time Once a child is at the toddling stage, they are a lot of fun and can be happily occupied by someone other than parents from time to time. Each schooling child can use one of their break times showing Junior how to stack blocks, count, say colours, or build bridges and underpasses in the sandbox. This gives the other students a quiet time with their studies, or with a parent, without the energetic toddler distracting them. This age, however, is the most likely time that we as parents might fall down in regard to training for obedience. A toddler is often excused and spoiled because of his endearing baby ways, but this, of course, is a serious mistake to make. If you have a toddler that is allowed to wreak havoc and get into the children's school work, you will need to correct this situation immediately, or everyone's frustration and resentment will build. A home where things have to be put up out of reach of a toddler is a home where training has not begun at an early enough age. (Resources to help with Biblical child training are found in Chapter 19.) Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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A good idea used by many with little ones in the home, is to declare an afternoon Quiet Time each day. Each baby, toddler or preschooler will have their nap at this time, and each older child is to also spend this time in silence on their bed, either reading, knitting, drawing, or doing some other quiet activity. You will set some rules for this hour or two, so that you too will be free to have a nap, some prayer time, or just a quiet period to write a letter. It is amazing how much better the afternoon will go when everyone is well rested. Managing Your Preschooler The preschool aged child is capable of enjoying many home hours with Lego blocks, playdough, colouring-in, or other wholesome play activities. Outside they can hammer nails or play house. They can be really helpful in the kitchen, or sweeping up. And they will enjoy hearing a story by the older child who needs to practise his reading. But the thing they will likely want to do most, is begin `real' schoolwork like their big brothers and sisters. And although you may feel badly about putting them off their desire, you must do so if you believe this would add undue stress. To put things in their right perspective, lets look at it this way. Your preschooler naturally wants to do most things he sees the older ones doing, but it is not always appropriate. He'd like to mow the lawn, drive the car, ride his bike to the next town, or paint the bedroom. But he is not yet able, or he would require so much assistance to do these things that it is simply more efficient to wait until he is older and can be taught these skills so much more easily. If you give in and begin teaching a very young child, no matter how keen, you will have to describe, explain, help, and pour much labour into slow progress. You will have to `push' the learning all the way, and for years, until they are capable of working on their own. If you have an only child and are delighted to do this, then there is no problem - children can be taught to read at three years old. But if you would be adding stress to your day to start a workbook-based preschool programme, let Junior wait. Not so long ago, there was no such thing as pre-school courses. (About one hundred years ago, the common school starting age was around eight or nine, and the child's progress was usually fairly rapid from then.) To show how commonly homeschooling parents are tempted to have academically advanced preschoolers, look again at the letter from a stressed homeschool mum on page 26. This lady says she homeschools five of her six children, and that three of her children are four years old and under. Part of this dear sister's stress obviously comes from the fact that she is trying to teach academics to two preschool children, as well as to three older ones, and care for a baby or toddler too. This extra stress-load is just not necessary. 86
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CHAPTER 8
Bookwork Overload
The Homeschool Smorgasbord Homeschooled children in North America alone now number over 1.5 million. This means there is a large and competitive commercial market for homeschool products. These products include the actual curriculum (a course of study divided by subject) as well as various other resources which support the homeschooling, such as special diaries, planners, world maps, reading books and craft kits. The range available is broadened by products from existing school suppliers, and by various minority groups, mainly religious, who seek to provide a curriculum which reflects their own particular world view. The result is a truly staggering choice of textbooks, workbooks and courses, many of a very high educational quality. (Various types of curriculum choices are discussed in the next chapter.) Because we are subject to human nature, looking at all the wonderful courses on offer tempts us to `fill up our plate' with an abundance of homeschool products. Having then paid good money for them, we insist that our children work through all these books, even when it turns out that some are not really all that necessary. We would rather waste our children's time than the money we spent! We might scan a particular homeschool catalogue, noting all the courses that are included for a specific grade. If we think that every one of them is a necessary part of Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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our child's academic education, we will quickly reach a stage of `bookwork overload', causing both our children and ourselves needless stress. To see just how easy it would be to fall into this trap, let's look at a typical selection of available subjects for, say, Grade 3. Subjects Studied Daily: Maths Workbook Maths Practise Drills Reading Penmanship / Writing Spelling Bible Phonics Vocabulary Subjects Studied Weekly: Social Studies (History/Geog) Science Composition Grammar Art Music Foreign Language Health There are workbooks and study aids available dedicated to each of the subjects above. In many cases, the daily lesson for each subject will take between 30 - 60 minutes, so it's not hard to see where the child will spend most of the day - indoors at his desk. And this is in addition to daily music practise (if learning an instrument), excursions, sports, projects, library visits, book reports and other activities. So why do suppliers put out so many courses? Is it just to have more products to sell for more money? There are two main reasons why so broad a curriculum is often provided by each supplier. First of all, these subjects are usually planned to be used in a classroom full of children all doing the same thing. There is a scheduled time for every activity, and the teacher is generally undistracted by anything that might happen in a home setting. The children have almost no choice in what they will study when, and even the parents usually have no choice in what curriculum is offered. The students are there to fill out books, because this is what most looks like `learning'. It is easiest for the teacher, too, to have written work to mark and grade, giving her something tangible with which to compare students. Many of these `benefits' are irrelevant to the homeschooler. The second reason for such a thorough coverage of subjects, is that the 88
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curriculum supplier must cater for every learning weakness a child might have. For example, some children pick up writing and the correct formation of letters with no trouble, and would not need a whole penmanship course. Some children are natural spellers, and after learning phonics, would find a spelling course boring and unnecessary. Those gifted in mathematics might be wasting their time practising drills, but because some students do need deliberate and methodical teaching in these areas, all the courses are offered. Depending on how extensive your own education might have been, you as a parent could benefit from learning along with your child using, say, a good Grammar course. However, the sheer volume of work required can be daunting, especially for the below-average, or slow student. When we lived in Western Australia, a friend we met withdrew her struggling son from a Christian school. Although the school used a curriculum designed to allow children to progress at their own rate, in practise the boy was judged as being `behind', and given copious amounts of homework each afternoon. His mother actually withdrew him in order to make available even more time to personally guide him through his workbooks, and this included weekends. The boy, who was about eight years old, was, quite simply, just a late maturer. I wonder what becomes of a child whose every waking moment is filled with bookwork? Being Selective As a homeschooling parent, you are able to tailor your courses to suit the academic strengths and weaknesses of each of your own children. In addition to this, you are able to see them learn by using more efficient methods than are possible in a classroom. Here is a sample of ideas you can use to reduce unnecessary bookwork, but increase learning. Oral Work: As mentioned in the last chapter, wherever it seems appropriate, have your children give verbal answers to questions a workbook might ask. This could be done formally, like planning and giving an oral book report, or it could occur informally. An example of an informal oral `report' might happen while the child is engrossed in a book on aircraft: "Mum, Mum, listen to this! Did you know that these days it can cost over $6,000 an hour to keep a Spitfire flying?" "Really, son? But would there be many Spitfires left in the world?" "Oh, yes, this book says there are about fifty still flying world wide, and they perform at airshows mainly." "I see. Aren't Spitfires the ones that fought in the Battle of Britain?" "That's right, Mum, they were a British plane, and they had those dogfights against the Germans over the English channel during the Second World War. They called them Supermarines at first." "Oh? Why was that, son?" "Ummm. Not sure. Just wait, I'll look it up again and see if it says why . . ." Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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This sort of informal question and answer session could still count as an oral `book report': real learning is taking place, and the information is being reinforced as it is relayed verbally to another. Schoolwork Diary: But how can we `capture' and record all these incidents in a way that gives some recognition of the learning that is taking place? The answer here lies in using a schoolwork diary for each child, and keeping it handy for updating throughout the day. The above conversation, for example, might be entered in the diary under the title `Book Report: Oral', or could be jotted down under `History'. You would simply write something like, "Discussed history of Spitfire aircraft." Or you might have a heading called `Discussions', and note along side it, "(History) British warplanes." Naturally, any bookwork done that day would be filled in under the appropriate subject heading, for example, "Maths: Textbook Grade 4, Lesson 13, page 41, Adding Fractions, score 79%." But any activity where your children are learning something new or practising a skill can be recorded as evidence, aside from filled-in workbooks, of your child receiving education. `Domestic Skills', `Life Skills', and `Household Management' are headings under which many home training activities can go. Helping in the garden can be described as horticulture, botanical identification, garden maintenance, agriculture, soil conservation, food production, or just work experience, all depending on the nature of the particular task and the verbal interaction that happens to go along with it. Living is learning, and the schoolwork diary helps you define it as such. You might be driving along a country road and see some wildlife which has been knocked down. Stopping to have a close look at the animal would be a rare opportunity for the children, even if they don't touch it. Talk about whether the animal is nocturnal, and why it might have strayed onto the road, etc. All of this can be written down in the schoolwork diaries, and will leave a lasting impression on the children, more so than looking at a picture of the animal in a classroom! Many an unplanned incident that happens in a day can be followed up with a short research assignment while the enthusiasm and interest is at a peak. Did the children see an unusual vintage car at the fuel station? Go with them to ask the owner a few polite questions (he's sure to be flattered and happy to answer!), then look up that make and model in an encyclopaedia in your home or local library, and try to find a picture and some extra information. Whether the children write their findings down or not, you can enter the follow-up in their schoolwork diary under `Research Done'. Be enthusiastic yourself about finding out more with your child, but take care that the research is short and delightful, not drawn-out and burdensome. Do your children like to draw? Instead of their `art' being done on loose bits of paper and lost, give them each a bound sketchbook. The modern term for `sketchbook' 90
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seems to be Visual Diary, and some good quality sturdy ones are readily available. I number the sketchbook pages, and anytime the children feel inclined to draw, they use this book. Ask them to date their pictures, and write them in their diaries under "Art and Craft". Older children may have access to instructional books about drawing or painting, and can put these lessons into practise in their sketchbooks. (The type of paint we choose in our household is watercolour. We find this painting the most suitable, and least messy, for beginners.) Sketching, especially from real life, is also wonderful `scientific' training. The observation skills being sharpened as children draw are an essential requirement in science laboratory procedure. Library Visits: Well chosen library books can enhance your children's education, and stimulate learning. As guardians of our children's minds, however, we should be always aware of what they are reading, so library visits need to be well supervised for the undiscerning youngsters. Our family has found almost no suitable works of fiction to borrow from the public library, so we generally limit ourselves to the non-fiction shelves. Even here, references to evolutionary and humanistic thinking are common, and could stumble a child who is spiritually immature. The printed page always seems to carry authority, and it can be difficult to convince a child that not everything they read is true. For an older child, however, it can be a beneficial exercise to occasionally read a secular book with the parent on, say, primitive man, and learn to detect the writer's philosophies. Your child will gain valuable spiritual discernment, and build a sound immunity against ungodliness in literature. Other library facilities, which seem to vary in different localities, could be used with discretion. Among the services sometimes available are internet, loans of educational CD ROMs and videos, classical music tapes, foreign language tutoring on tape or CD, games, puzzles, and even sewing patterns. If something you require is not at the local library, the librarians can often search for and bring in what you need. Sometimes libraries will host a special presentation for school groups that may be of interest to local homeschoolers, such as a `Teaching the Art of Storytelling' session we once attended, presented by a Storytellers Guild. Be extra careful, of course, when presentations are not done for, or by Christians, and cannot be previewed by parents. We have had some `nasty' surprises in the past! Some large churches have a comprehensive lending library. Often they will be happy to make their Christian resources available, even to those who do not attend their own church. A suburban homeschool network will sometimes also operate a lending library, or have secondhand materials to sell. Multiple Learning: In a family where there is a spread of ages, you can increase the learning that's happening by having the older siblings engage in short `teaching' sessions Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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with the younger ones. It was common practise, for example, in the little old one-teacher school of by-gone days, to have grade eight students preside over a grade two reading class, or have a grade seven girl give extra arithmetic practise to a grade three boy. In the home, a `sibling support' scheme can work the same way, and have many benefits. As an example, let's say your grade five son reads out a unit from a grade four history text to his younger sister. They are both learning from the content of the book, and when your son gives his sister the verbal quiz at the end, this knowledge is reinforced. Your son is learning to teach, and your daughter learns to respect him in his role as helper. You as parent are also freed to assist another child. So multiple learning makes sense. Depending on your own children's academic strengths or weaknesses, you may choose to combine two of them into one `grade' across various subjects, to save on teaching time. This will not materially hinder either of the children, as you are aiming for them to eventually become self-taught as soon as they can work on their own. Any `holding back' will then be automatically adjusted by their individual learning schedule. Multiple learning need not only happen when two or more children get together on their schoolwork. If you tape-record a learning session, or a book report presentation, this recording can benefit younger children for several years. In a similar way, a `spelling book' that my ten-year-old has designed for her five-year-old sister could be duplicated and benefit those who are currently only babies. The ten-year-old has probably learnt more by producing the spelling book than by doing many of her own lessons, as well as showing a voluntary concern for her younger siblings. Here is a promising future homeschool mum! Multiple learning describes a cycle. It is a principle which can carry over into much of our lives: once a child can read, they can be educating themselves and sharing their knowledge (verbally or by writing), thereby helping to educate others. "Each one teach one" is a motto that will take teaching stress off the parents' shoulders, and benefit everybody. Reading to Learn: What child is there who doesn't enjoy being read to? Or what child, once they can read fluently, would not prefer to sit and read a good story than to fill out workbooks? Using quality literature for both reading aloud and personal reading can cover history, geography, and even science in a much more pleasant and meaningful way than textbook courses. Unlike mathematics in which foundational skills need to be taught before advanced skills can be mastered, the various aspects of history, geography and science do not have to be learned in a particular order. This flexibility means that not only can the book Martin Rattler by R.M. Ballantyne be read for a geographical and historical study of Brazil at almost any grade level, but every child could be learning from it at the same time, if the book is read to the family aloud. In a similar way, reading a good Christian biography of George Washington Carver can launch your students into a study of various scientific 92
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themes. Lively discussions over such interesting books will give the most mileage to learning, and make homeschooling a real family pleasure. The `need' for individual bookwork will also be greatly reduced. If you are concerned that using literature to pick up topics in science, history and geography in the above `haphazard' manner will result in a rather piecemeal coverage of each, there is an effective solution to this problem. Using a bought or homemade timeline and a large world map will give valuable cohesion to what is learnt. As the family completes a book, such as Martin Rattler mentioned above, the brief details are entered in for both the book and the author. The book's title is written on the timeline for the period in history in which it is set, and the author's birth and death are also noted. Plot relevant information on the world map; in this case, inside the borders of Brazil. An `outline' map hung on the wall, but within reach, is the most suitable. For books like Joshua Slocum's Sailing Alone Around the World, you can track the travels on the map, dating each journey. If your timeline does not already have a `Science' line for inventions and discoveries, draw one specially coloured and add to it as the family reading covers new topics. Because the reading of related books can sometimes be years apart, the timeline and map draws together an accumulation of information that gradually fills in the `big picture' in a concrete way. An extra advantage is the fascinating way a timeline lets you find out who was contemporary with whom, and what event here triggered or forestalled what action there. Although a study of a period, place or event may seem complete in itself, the timeline and map show the `interrelatedness' of each one, and how all of history is orchestrated by a God of eternity. A simple example comes to mind regarding the Christian author Captain Frederick Marryat. By reading a biographical note prefacing one of his books we discovered that he would have been present among the British naval troops sent to Burma in 1824. Having read the life of Adoniram Judson, pioneer American missionary to Burma, we realised that Judson's role as interpreter for the Burmese king while negotiating with the British, may have brought him into contact with Captain Marryat, before the latter had written any of his famous books. Did these two Christian men meet? Likewise, reading the life of William, Prince of Orange, reveals an incident of generosity in this nobleman's life which diverted history as we know it. William forgave and spared the life of one of his subjects named Rubens. Subsequently, this man became the father of the famous Flemish artist, Peter Paul Rubens. Using a timeline makes these sorts of connections possible, and truly enriches any studies done through literature. Seasons of Learning: Another method of minimising an overload of bookwork is to recognise that not all the subjects need to be studied all the time. It can be easier on a child to work on various subjects `seasonally', so that there are fewer subjects in hand daily to focus on, and therefore fewer subject changes in a day, requiring a mental refocus. Imagine Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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how fragmented the homeschooling day seems to a child who must cover bookwork for, say, Maths, Reading Comprehension, Writing, Spelling, Bible, Science, Phonics and Vocabulary, all within about a four hour time block. To remedy this, many parents allocate certain subjects to certain days of the week, but this idea can be extended to focus on some subjects for a part of the year only. An example may be music, which our family really only pursues `seriously' in the last few months before Christmas hymn-singing time. Science might be ignored all year except winter time, when an ongoing series of indoor scientific projects occupies a solid two months. Studying a subject intensively over a shorter time can help a child more fully understand the complete concepts being presented, rather than trying to put together the bits learnt daily over a whole year. You may decide not to study subjects seasonally, but it is an option for reducing the daily workload. Bookwork in Perspective Not all bookwork is undesirable, and some, like highschool Maths, is indispensable. There are children who especially enjoy bookwork, and whose learning thrives on it. A certain amount of bookwork is often necessary to give framework and a system of progress to an education programme. But as a parent, it is important to be able to `read the signs' and determine whether the books are becoming too demanding as task masters to your children. Or to you. You may find it helpful to implement a simple system that avoids bookwork overkill. This may be just a matter of limiting the total number of pages done in a day or week, per child per subject. In our family, each day of the week has its own particular writing project. Depending on the abilities of the child, a Word Count is the goal for each project. Therefore in, say, story writing, a grade four child may need to do one hundred words, while the seventh grader needs to aim for two hundred. Except for the born storywriter, a child new to the idea of composing his own writing may struggle to come up with a ten-word `story'. This is often the case where the child has been used to a `fill in the blanks' type of workbook. Give the child a comfortable starting point, gradually increasing the word count, and the encouragement. (See Chapter 18 for Writing Guide) Finally, a type of `bookwork' which definitely has a place in the homeschool is the child's own Journal or Diary. When they are very young, let your child dictate a few sentences to you each night about their day: what they did, notable happenings, even just their thoughts and feelings. As they become older, they can write a few lines of reflection themselves. Their journal becomes the resource they turn to when composing letters to pen friends, and a ten-year diary is fun to keep, looking back year by year to recall the happenings of that day in the past. Unless the child takes the initiative, though, it can be counterproductive to require more than a few lines per entry. For the enthusiastic child, 94
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`journalling' can develop into photographic scrapbooking, or creating family yearbooks. Remind your child of the precious Christian heritage which might have been lost had not people like David Livingstone kept a journal. As with other aspects of the homeschooling lifestyle, monitoring potential stress factors like book workload is only wise. A child is not necessarily learning more just because he is churning out more bookwork. And a child under stress is learning nothing.
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CHAPTER 9
Curriculum Woes
Never-ending Search for `The Best' Presently in Australia the choice of curriculum is not dictated by authorities to homeschoolers, as it is in some parts of the world. While we are extremely thankful for this freedom, it means that the selection of materials becomes an important decision for each family. When the homeschooling adventure does not seem to match up to expectations, the most common course of action by parents is to `find a better curriculum'. Whether the problem be a lack of progress, lack of co-operation, time mismanagement or academic fatigue, parents are convinced that the present curriculum is to blame, and a change will solve everything. Some families seem to spend all their time chasing the newest resources available, presuming that the latest will also be the best. Partly to blame for this situation is the dazzlingly large choice of curricula on offer, as discussed in the last chapter. Because so much is available, it is tempting to want to sample everything. To their credit though, in the realm of educational consumers, parents who teach their children at home are the connoisseurs. A seasoned homeschool parent recognises and demands quality resources, whereas the average parent has hardly any idea what books or system his child's teacher is using, and the teacher herself may not be given a choice. In a school situation, public or private, cost is largely the determining factor. While 96
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cost is also a consideration in the homeschool, generally the parents realise that top quality is the best value for money in the long term. However, if trying to pin down that elusive `best curriculum' is bringing stress into your life, it will pay to pause awhile and reflect on a few priorities before resuming the hunt. This chapter aims to help you do just that. Styles of Education As previously mentioned, part of the reason for the broad range of educational resources is the varying styles of education for which families may have a preference. Each type of curriculum, then, is designed to support a particular educational `style'. While it is not the intention of this book to recommend one style over another, we do aim to give an outline of the characteristics of the most popular ones so that more informed decisions can be made. As Christian homeschoolers, these decisions should be guided by what you believe is God's will for your family. Most modern educational styles have evolved over the last two centuries, parallel with the general establishing of public education systems throughout much of the world. Some styles, however, such as lecturing and tutoring, have been in use since ancient times. New techniques and philosophies, such as those developed by well-known educational reformers like Maria Montessori, Charlotte Mason and John Holt, have often, over time, been incorporated into traditional schooling. Many of the more effective teaching methods that these and other `reformers' introduced have become formulated into a definite educational style, each with a strong `following' of homeschoolers. For example, Maria Montessori demonstrated much success teaching the very young, and the `learning impaired', with an educational style that uses manipulative, hands-on materials. Homeschooling provides an ideal environment for the use of such aids, and these can be employed to help children who learn best by doing; by touch and experiment. Such children might otherwise `fall behind' in a classroom because of their difficulty to comprehend abstracts, or follow instructions which are written and spoken only. The educational style patterned by Charlotte Mason is popular with many homeschoolers. Among other things, Mason advocated an emphasis on nature study, narration (verbal or written re-telling of learned information), and learning through the reading of `living' books (good literature) in preference to the use of graded textbooks. In North America, more so than elsewhere, there is an educational style termed `classical' which seeks to imitate the teaching of the `seven liberal arts' of the old Roman education system. These seven arts were defined under the Trivium (grammar, dialectic and rhetoric), and the Quadrivium (geometry, arithmetic, music and astronomy), but included more than these divisions implied. Reading the works of ancient historians and philosophers is included in the `classical' educational style. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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In recent years, western society has been increasingly supportive of `early learning'. Although mainly developed to accommodate working parents by handing the raising and educating of their children over to the `professionals' in daycare centres and schools, early learning has placed a subtle pressure on parents to begin the formal education of their children at a younger age than previously considered appropriate. Despite the fact that research has consistently shown that delaying formal education is more efficient in the long term (see the book Better Late than Early by Raymond and Dorothy Moore, mentioned in Chapter 19), this idea would hardly be popular with curriculum manufacturers, who naturally want teachers and parents to buy materials for as large an age range as possible. For these reasons then, be aware that curriculum choices don't reflect the option of beginning formal study after the age of nine. Real life early education simply means allowing your preschooler to participate as much as possible in all the normal functions of the home. Helping to peg wash, setting the table, putting away dishes, matching socks, sweeping, sandbox play, gardening, watering, relaying messages, tying shoes, feeding the cat and enjoying storytime all teach the academic readiness skills. I quote here from the Early Education Paper, 4th Edition, available from Kingsley Educational (see Chapter 19 for address). "A preschooler given meaningful tasks such as these will be learning as much as (if not more than) kindergarten attendees or those whose parents have purchased expensive preschool curricula. All the necessary pre-academic skills of concentration span, vocabulary, sequencing skills, understanding of relationships and consequences, attention to detail, perseverance till correctness is achieved, formation of good personal lifelong habits, achievement of skill with various common tools, sense of order, tidiness, and correctness, self-starting in a growing number of areas, obedience to multiple instructions, understanding and using categories, one-to-one correspondence, observation skills, prediction of problems and ability to avoid them - all of these wonderfully "highfalutin' " educational concepts are readily achieved almost without special effort by mothers lovingly guiding their children through normal life." Although none of the education styles profess to be specifically Christcentred, aspects of each could easily be adapted for use in the Christian homeschool. Prayerfully seeking God's wisdom, and comparing any method with Scripture, should give parents a standard by which to judge its usefulness for their child. Be open also to refining your definition of `acceptable' as God increases your discernment in these areas. As an example, for many years I personally enjoyed the literary genius of Shakespeare's plays and sonnets, and sought to introduce his works to our children. Now, with maturity, we have chosen to discard the study of Shakespeare for children, since we believe it fails to meet the standard of Philippians 4:8, 98
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"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Some would be horrified at the idea of rejecting what most consider to be the finest of English literature. Some may point out that Shakespeare was himself a Christian, but this does not automatically mean that his works are suitable for the nurture of young children. Only one book is indisputably suitable for this: the Bible. Education Defined In a very fundamental way, the curriculum you ultimately choose will reflect your personal answer to the question, "What is education, anyway?" To you, education might mean a competent grasp of the "three R's": reading, writing and `rithmetic. (Obviously does not include spelling!). Or education might mean a shared journey with your child exploring the world around you. You may define education as acquiring the skills needed to ultimately earn a good income. Does it mean fully developing a child's mental potential, or studying and appreciating the vast sum of mankind's accumulated knowledge? Perhaps a good education includes all of the above ideas to some extent, but as Christians, we want to be sure that training our children in godly wisdom is not neglected. In fact, as described in Part A of this book, attention should be given to spiritual guidance as the first priority of the home. Whether bought materials, like Bible study aids, are used to support this priority or not (and they are not always necessary), all other types of curriculum should really be thought of as supplementary to this main activity. Curriculum Types The many resources in use by homeschoolers today can be categorized into several types. Some of the basic types are described below. Christian or Secular: As a Christian homeschooler, you will likely look for materials which uphold and enhance your family's beliefs. It may be possible, however, to find acceptable secular materials which teach, say, mathematics or phonics in a wholesome way. Secular materials are often less costly, since they are usually mass-produced for the public education market. You would be wise, however, to screen the materials carefully for any subtle undermining influences in their content, or offensive pictures. Secular materials are usually very available; even supermarkets and newsagents often carry a range of `educational' workbooks. Be aware, however, that those materials designed for classroom use sometimes have limited relevance in the homeschool. Also, that colourful and appealing workbook from the local shopping centre could be of very poor educational quality. It may jump Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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around from concept to concept, showing a lack of logical progression, or it may have mismatched activities where a pre-literate child is expected to learn their colours by reading! Usually not enough practise is given in any particular skill, so the book may only be serving to test what a child already knows, not to teach anything new. With discernment, however, carefully selected secular resources could prove useful in the homeschool. It would be rare, however, to be able to trust the teaching of science, history, geography or even language arts to a curriculum which at best gives no recognition of God's sovereignty in these areas, and at worst, undermines your child's faith. Thankfully, there is no shortage of Christian curriculum suppliers. When comparing Christian materials, it is still important to ask, how Biblical is it? Does it reflect your own beliefs, or will you have to point out some weaknesses in the material to your child? Not everything sold through a Christian supplier is always Christian in content, either. Recently we returned a set of phonic readers published by a Christian homeschooling supplier. We asked them why it was that the readers were not Christian in content, since their customers would naturally presume they would be? Only then were we told that these readers were produced for the Chinese secular school market. Let the buyer beware! Sound Christian materials will still have a certain `flavour', and you will need to decide whether you are happy with this or not. Does a Calvinistic doctrine come through? Baptist theology? Is it non-conformist, such as Mennonite or Amish? Or does the material reveal a more liberal, modern Christian view? These differences may not matter much to you, but perhaps as time goes on, you may have to clarify some issues raised by the material with your children. For example, perhaps in your home you teach your children that Jesus gave us an example of turning the other cheek, and of suffering persecution rather than fighting for one's `rights'. In his Christian Social Studies text, however, your son may read about heroes of the Crusades who are glorified as gallant upholders of the faith, contrary to your beliefs. Interestingly, almost no Christian set of readers portray a homeschool setting. Instead, the stories mostly revolve around the more `normal' Christian school, which can make some children feel very abnormal about being a homeschooler. You may have noticed that some Christian schools and suppliers offer various services and `support' to homeschoolers, either locally or by correspondence. It is well to thoroughly look into such arrangements to see if it will truly meet your needs before making any commitment. Often, these services are primarily a business move on the part of the school, especially if their funding is directly affected by artificially increasing their `enrolments' in this way. You may hope their involvement in your homeschool will ease your burden, but will you be compromising any of your ideals? Again, we cannot do better than to seek God's wisdom before voluntarily assigning any part of our home teaching to others. 100
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Structured or Unstructured: All types of curriculum can be assessed by the degree to which the learning is `structured'. By this we mean that either every learning activity is defined, scheduled and programmed in a concrete order (structured), or it is a `free' learning schedule, perhaps propelled by the child's direction of interest (unstructured). Each of these extremes can still use a high level, or a low level of parental involvement. For example, a very structured curriculum may include a teacher's manual that directs the activity of the child, via the parent, in a minute by minute sequence. On the other hand, some very structured courses require the child to administer his own education (once he can read the directions), virtually independent of parental or teacher input. The learning is still `structured' because there is no deviation from the set material presented, and every child on that particular programme learns exactly the same thing. The most common unstructured programmes seek to present the opposite of institutionalised learning, often by allowing the child to initiate their own `studies', as and when they feel inclined. Variations of unstructured programmes are known by terms like natural learning, open learning, or unschooling. In the extreme, this means that no actual `curriculum' is followed at all, though the children usually have access to a broad spectrum of materials and resources. In theory, this system may sound like it puts the least pressure on parents, and provides the most scope for freedom of learning. In practise, however, it sometimes results in a heavy emphasis on extracurricular activities like music and drama, to the neglect of basic skills. Some children may feel insecure when expected to direct their own learning. One form of unstructured learning which can involve a large amount of parental input, is the `unit study' approach. A unit study is designed to let any age child participate in learning about a certain topic. A theme is decided upon, say Ancient Civilizations, and every child according to ability then immerses themselves in learning about and experiencing all they can on this theme. The library is combed for all relevant books and videos, the museum is visited, a model ziggurat is constructed on the project table, and research papers are written, illustrated and presented until all information, (or interest) is exhausted. This system is unstructured because any topic can be explored during any grade. Maths and learning to read may or may not be taught in addition to the unit study approach. In practise, most families will use a curriculum mix which falls comfortably somewhere along the scale between structured and unstructured, and will tend to avoid the extremes. Base Medium: A curriculum may also be categorized by its base medium, or the general form in which the course comes. There are curricula which are textbook based, workbook based, computer based and magazine based. Although most of the above Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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descriptions would be familiar enough, a `magazine' based curriculum might bear further explanation. The `magazine' is really a workbooklet, a paper covered instalment of curriculum, varying usually between twenty to forty pages in length. These may be printed in black and white, or in full colour, and cover a wide variety of subjects. Individually, the magazines might be cheap, but since it takes between ten and fifteen of them to equal a year's work in one subject, plus answer keys, the curriculum can work out quite expensive. The magazines are also consumable, meaning they are designed to be used only once, and unless you enjoy rubbing out all the answers so that the next child can use the magazine, you will probably find purchasing a grade textbook more economical. However, the magazine based curriculum is quite a popular choice with new homeschoolers, possibly because it provides a reassuringly high level of structure (Junior won't miss learning anything) combined with usually very little input required of the parent. Using a `workbook' rather than a textbook format is also easiest on the child - they only have to write in the missing word, sentence or number, not copy out the question as well into a blank exercise book. Examples of magazine based curricula are `Paces' from Accelerated Christian Education (ACE), `Light units' from Christian Light Publications, and `Lifepacs' from Alpha Omega. (See Chapter 19.) A textbook based curriculum is the traditional type, although public schools seem to be replacing the familiar sturdy hardback books with less costly paperback texts and workbooks. Thankfully, Christian suppliers still offer top quality well-illustrated hardback textbooks to schools and homeschoolers. If you have several children who will be using them over time, they may prove to be your most economical choice. However, because the books may still represent a sizable initial investment, it is sensible to have a thorough inspection of the material, and talk with those already using it, before committing your money. This is not always easy when most homeschool curriculum is bought through mailorder catalogues, often from overseas. But it is worth trying to contact a local user of the prospective curriculum, since we are called to be good stewards of the finances God has entrusted to us to use for His glory. Most hardback texts are also supported by answer keys or teacher editions to help you guide and correct your child's work. Computer based curricula are obviously fairly new. Computer use for Christians is a personal choice, but rarely would anyone use only a computer based curriculum. Our family has seen and used effective educational computer programmes in the past, usually for maths, but our strong family preference for books has persisted beyond our earlier fascination for the computer as a tutor. ACE, mentioned above, has a computer curriculum styled as `School of Tomorrow', and Alpha Omega has one called `Switched-On Schoolhouse'. There is no doubt that the use of the computer can motivate an otherwise reluctant student. There are obvious limitations; a child cannot practise cursive writing or 102
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artwork on a computer. But there are some functions for which a computer is particularly suitable, such as providing practise in maths drills. It is still wise, though, to monitor the computer's effect on your child, and on family life as a whole. It cannot be denied that the computer exerts an addictive influence, and incidental features, such as the accompanying music of certain programmes used regularly, can persist into our thoughts during times when we want to give our minds to other things, like God's Word. These are aspects of computer use of which Christians should be aware, but when wisdom is exercised, computer based curriculums may enhance your homeschool. A computer based resource called the Robinson Curriculum is a little different in that it consists of a series of books on disk, designed to be read either on screen, or after printing out. Although it does not profess to be Christ-centred, the Robinson Curriculum and other secular materials are frequently advertised in Christian homeschooling magazines. Academic Tone: One final characteristic by which it is possible to distinguish a curriculum type is its tone. Is it highly intellectual, moving quickly through the skills, without much explanation, simple directions or examples? Such curriculum may be suited to the bright or gifted student. Yet often a curriculum will presume an unrealistically high level of ability in the student, only to give the impression that the materials are producing ability in the child. Just yesterday I showed a friend a grade one phonics book which included many words unreadable to most first graders. Although this looks impressive, it may render the materials virtually unusable to you. If your child turns out to be gifted in a particular subject and needs `extending', simply go up a grade, or pick up another parallel book with a different approach to give him some variety. At the other end of the scale, a curriculum might characteristically be `unscholarly'. Its tone might shout, "Buy me! I'm fun-filled, full of easy, time-filling colourins. Look at my cartoon characters, and play as you learn!" Either tone, academic or playground, could be the format for a resource of sound educational quality, but generally you receive more curriculum for your money with materials of a no-nonsense nature. Curriculum Checkpoints Treating the above discussion as a brief overview, it is now time to list some points of consideration when choosing curriculum. Family Dynamics: Your curriculum choice will reflect the family profile. This will include things like your beliefs, philosophies and lifestyle, the number of children and their ages, whether both parents are often home or not, and even the family health or energy levels. Cost and Origin: Even if the cost of a particular curriculum is not the determining Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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factor, price will eventually have some bearing on your choices. Homeschooling can cost much less than a Christian school education; as little as fifty dollars per child could buy a full year's curriculum. On the other hand, it would not be too hard to spend three thousand dollars, either. Value for money is more important than the raw cost. You may also want to consider the curriculum's country of origin, since this will affect the currency and measures used in maths, and various aspects of social studies and language use. Child Profile: An understanding of your own children's best learning styles, their abilities and interests, will influence your curriculum choice. How well a particular curriculum will fit in with the parent's approach Setup Preferences: to homeschooling is a consideration. Is a `classroom setup' the family preference, and is there room for this in the house? What level of structure in the materials, and degree of parental involvement are wanted? Have you really got the time to implement that particular phonics course? In addition to these general considerations, here are a few examples of points to watch for in specific subjects. Maths: Working on about two hundred school days per year, there should be no more than about 160 maths lessons per grade. Each lesson should take no more than 30 40 minutes for a primary school child, and no more than 50 - 60 minutes for high school. New concepts should be well explained in the text, and not depend on your ability as the teacher/parent to instruct, except perhaps in the first one or two grades. Ideally, the text should not jump about from concept to concept, but build steadily while constantly reviewing learned principles. Language Arts: Language includes the separate subjects of phonics, spelling, vocabulary, grammar and punctuation, composition, literature studies, etc. It is often possible to buy an integrated English course which contains work on each of these subjects combined in one book or course, per grade. This can be a good way to go, unless you feel that extra help is needed in one or more of the specific areas. Watch out for courses that contain too much `busywork' (time-wasting), such as colouring in, or pages that take two seconds to do, like `draw a line to match the pictures that rhyme'. In general, phonics will be used while learning to read, and should give a good foundation for competence in spelling through to about grade four or five. Vocabulary building should then take over, strengthening the spelling skills and adding the fascinating dimension of etymology (word origins). Basic punctuation and parts of speech (nouns, verbs, adverbs and adjectives) should be taught in the primary grades, but I believe it is best that the main study of grammar be reserved until high school. I have seen a child's creativity and love for English grow cold when the dissecting and analysing tasks of grammar were required too early. Social Studies and Science: The key in these subjects is probably relevance. Learning 104
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about the birds and plants of South America will be of only limited interest to a child living in New Zealand. Especially in the early grades, local studies of science, history and geography would be best, although these would be the most difficult for which to find a packaged curriculum. Next best, then, are national materials, and in high school, text which are international in content. In all cases these subjects should be supported by resources that are well illustrated, written in a style of integrity that maintains interest, and contain a good balance of suitable practical activities. `Discovery' learning, rather than the memorising of facts, should be the approach. As suggested in the previous chapter, the reading of good literature will automatically create relevance as the children relate to the characters in the story. Over time the reading of diverse literature will produce a solid background of general knowledge in the subject areas of social studies and science, painlessly. Ideally, the workload of curriculum should not take up so much time that there is none left for the parent to check each child's work, give guidance for corrections and feedback that same day. If this is not happening, either the children's workload is too great, or the parents need to adjust their time-management. Although I know of parents who only mark schoolwork once a week, this doesn't give timely feedback for the child to act upon. The very best step you can take in order to make a confident curriculum choice is seeing the materials in use by another experienced family. If this is not possible, you may be able to attend a Homeschool Fair where a variety of materials are on display for you to look at, and ask about. At the very least, order materials on the understanding that they will be accepted back by the supplier for a full refund if they do not meet your expectations. It is also a good idea to keep as many current catalogues of likely curricula as you can, so that product comparisons can easily be made. Neglect not to pray also over your choice; God delights to be our counsellor (Isaiah 9:6). The Natural Progression As a young housekeeper, I frequently ruined expensive cuts of meat by overcooking. Once I remember frying up some pieces of chicken in hot oil until, in five minutes, they were a lovely golden brown. Imagine my consternation when, sitting down to eat, I found that they were completely raw in the middle. In my inexperience as a cook, I made a lot of mistakes. But I also learnt what works, and what doesn't. Now, years later, I regularly cook up a much different menu to the repetoire of dishes I used to prepare. I even like to adapt or invent my own recipes since I have learnt, to some extent, which ingredients go best together. In the same way, your skill with assessing different curriculums can only really grow with experience. Although we have concentrated on looking at ways of identifying the most suitable curriculum choices for your family, it is natural, and expected, Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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that you will make a progression from one type to another over time. As new homeschoolers, some materials may have a certain appeal to us. As we mature, our children progress, our circumstances change, or our confidence grows, we may feel able to put into practise a different type of curriculum altogether. Perhaps you come across some materials previously unknown to you, and substitute these for a course you are not entirely happy with. There is no reason to keep to one supplier for every subject when we have the freedom to choose the best from several. You may even find, after some years as a homeschooling family, that you prefer to adapt existing materials, or develop your own curriculum in a particular subject area. The process of constant refinement should not be considered wasteful, if it results in more efficient education, and encourages the development of godly wisdom in our children. Simple is Best Allow me a final word on curriculum choices, since it is possible to let the wonderful array of variety eclipse the purpose of the teaching materials themselves. Our purpose is to educate, but always in reference to seeking first the kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33). Any godly man or woman of the past that comes to mind, including the Lord Jesus himself, would have been educated using the very simplest of tools.We want to be careful that we don't actually inhibit the learning we most want to promote by offering too many attractive curriculum choices. For example, if studying maths is made as exciting as possible with a multimedia computer experience, reading the Bible might sound like a punishment by comparison. Simple is best. When Debi Pearl, of No Greater Joy Ministries (see Chapter 19) began homeschooling her children about twenty years ago, she had never even heard of the word `curriculum'. She just taught what she knew in a natural way, and all her children were raised to serve the Lord. If our aim is to raise godly offspring who know how to succeed in life through God's wisdom and ways, then in the simplest sense, the Bible is a complete curriculum. From a similar point of view, a loving godly parent is a complete curriculum. How can I say this? Because hundreds of Christian men and women throughout history whom we would admire, and desire our children to imitate, were educated with only such a curriculum as this.
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CHAPTER 10
Academic Stress
Pressure to Perform It is increasingly common for homeschool parents to sense the pressure that their children should be `performing' academically. In Australia over recent years, more and more career choices have come to require a university degree, or other formal qualifications. If you are quizzed on your homeschooled child's future prospects, an answer involving developing a home business is hardly taken seriously. As the national economic climate continues to seem insecure, education authorities, relatives and peers will all tend to pass judgement on your homeschooling as if the academic meter is the only scale by which a child should be measured. Society seems to have forgotten that children should be treasured, not measured. I recall a letter received by a friend from her local Department of Education District Office, recognising (reluctantly), her decision to homeschool. The letter used phrases like "we wish you success in the onerous job of educating your child at home...", and generally made the parent feel unequal to the task when compared with `professional' educators. However, parent inferiority is far from the truth where ultimate academic performance is concerned.
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Homeschooling Means Academic Success While it is true that a child who begins attending school at five or six may make quicker progress than a homeschooled child whose formal education is delayed, by about age twelve or thirteen this situation is usually reversed. In fact, according to the United States National Home Education Research Institute (www.nheri.com), studies done and reported on in early 2002 showed that homeschooled children whose mothers did not have high school diplomas scored 50 percentile points higher on standardised achievement tests than did public schooled children whose mothers did have a high school diploma. This academic advantage of homeschooling is possible, despite having an `unqualified' parent as a teacher, because homeschooling means one-on-one monitoring, parental support and inspiring children to find out things for themselves. Therefore, homeschooled children frequently excel beyond their parents' own academic achievements. Homeschooling Supplies (Aust) is run by a couple with six children who have homeschooled for over twenty years. I quote from their leaflet on this topic: "All primary schools were originally one -teacher schools. The increase in size of schools has been largely for administrative convenience. One-to-one tuition has always been best which is why homeschooling is so successful. Homeschooling enables all students to succeed providing they are allowed to work at their own level and rate. Every child is unique and will have pre-set learning rates and individual needs. Homeschooling allows parents to cater for both the learning rate and the learning method regardless of the child's ability. Slow learners, average and bright students all do well under this type of system. Homeschooling also allows for training in self-discipline, which will be required throughout life. "Parents are, and always have been the best teachers. They know their children and are prepared to expend whatever time and energy is necessary in ensuring the child's success. If self-instructional material is used then the parents' knowledge, or lack of it, in a particular subject does not limit children. The parent remains the `authority figure' in the child's life and is able to guide the child. As a result families become closer. Homeschooling builds strong family ties." As discussed earlier, Christian homeschooling parents will not necessarily have academic excellence as their primary goal. But proficiency in academics is likely to come anyway simply as a by-product of the homeschooling lifestyle. For example, language skills come not by passively listening to people talk, but by participating in conversation, asking questions and being answered. To demonstrate this, a friend from Europe described how a high percentage of television programmes aired in their country were American, screened with subtitles in the local language. Despite constantly hearing English, this did not teach the European children to use English, only to recognise that the television actors 108
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were speaking that language. In the same way, young children who do not spend all day interacting verbally with their parents have less chance to develop their vocabulary and powers of expression. During the day in a classroom, a child may not be directly spoken to by the teacher at all. Circumstances like this favour the homeschool as a nurturing centre for academics without any special effort being made. Again the nature of a school environment may inhibit rather than enhance academic progress for some children. A child I knew in primary school learnt nothing for a whole term, so disturbed was she by being forced to sit beside a boy who constantly teased and distracted her in class. In my own highschool class, my fellow students often found they could accomplish almost nothing during school hours due to bullying, poor lesson presentations by teachers, etc, and resigned themselves to getting it all done at home in the evenings. This is not to say that many bright children do not succeed in schools - they do. But the academic advantages of the homeschool are considerable. Some may say that an able child is more likely to reach his potential in the competitive atmosphere of the classroom. This may be true in terms of human nature. But if a child is unmotivated except by the `glory' to be gained in surpassing others, then the parents need to attend to this character fault in their child, teaching him instead that we are on this earth to serve. Homeschooling Means Career Success I recall listening to the series of Parent Training tapes supplied by ACE years ago. The speaker asked the audience to call to mind various people they knew who had a track record of success in their businesses or careers. Then he asked, to what did these people owe their success? The various answers included diligence, honesty, hard work, integrity, perseverance, thriftiness, friendliness, helpfulness, self-sacrifice, forethought, resourcefulness, etc. Natural intelligence, and tertiary qualifications were not, in themselves, recognised as being vital elements in business or career success where real-life examples were considered, but rather positive character traits like those mentioned above. This should give us a fresh outlook, if success in the workplace is one of our goals for our children. There is no doubt that teaching our own children at home gives us the best chance of molding their characters to be as Christ-like as possible. This will do more to ensure lifelong prosperity than pursuing the highest possible academic path. A good Christian curriculum will have `character-training' built into it to some degree. However, there is at least one dedicated character-training programme: "The Narrow Way" from Pearables is a Bible-based study on Christian character suited to a range of ages. You will find availability details for in Chapter 19, but with God's guidance, Christian homes should always be character-training centres. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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"Learning Problems" Targeted The emphasis on academics which prevails in the schools impacts upon the homeschooler in the form of social pressure. Unless we identify what is behind the situation, we may be affected by this form of stress, and be always wondering if we are shortchanging our children academically. One of the trends which show how academics is emphasised even in the early grades in the schools is the increased labelling of children with `learning problems'. There is a long list of educational terms applied to any child who is not up to par in every area. I recently read two specialist reports on one particular child attending a Christian school. One report was from a specialist in child psychology, and the other from a specialist in learning difficulties involving hearing, sight, co-ordination, etc. Knowing the child in question to be relatively bright, the reports amazed me on several counts. One was that the parents were not consulted before the child was referred to these specialists for assessment. Another was that the school was so quick to declare the child `behind' (she had hardly time to get behind being, as she was, only part way through first grade!). But as I came to the end of the reports I was amazed no longer. There, listed under `Recommendations' was the assurance that the specialist's assessment meant that the school qualified to apply for additional funding to cover the extra one-on-one teaching hours this child would require. I suddenly realised that money was the reason this child was the subject of academic scrutiny. The above example is not intended to imply that every case of academic judgement on children in schools has an ulterior motive, but it is given to help pressured parents put academics back into perspective. Things are not always what they seem early on, and many of this world's geniuses were declared unteachable when young. A Family Choice A home educator has the best of opportunities to promote a child's academic attainments. But to what degree academics will have the pre-eminence is a family choice. It is understandable that some families may make scholastic achievement one of their goals in order to justify their choice to homeschool to their skeptical peers. There are frequently articles featured in Christian homeschooling magazines where children have completed their highschool education at an age when most children have not yet finished primary school. Whether God's vision for the family includes pursuing academic excellence or not remains for the family to decide. Since at present the Australian states do not require homeschoolers to sit an annual standardised test, academic pressure is only social in nature, and is not coming directly from the educational authorities. Therefore, if you are experiencing academic stress, and transferring this stress to your children, it is time to carefully check 110
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where this pressure originates. Prayerfully ask God to lift the burden He has not given you, and ask His forgiveness if pride has had a part to play. As the Bible says, "But they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise."(2 Corinthians 10:12) If your situation is such that permission to homeschool is dependent on your children being submitted to standardised testing, you may decide that this requirement is still a small price to pay for the privilege of homeschooling. Make things as easy as possible for your child and accustom them to such tests. Prepare diligently, so that the tests can be done with ease and confidence, not with stress. In general, then, it should prove best to leave academics at a comfortable level for each child. If a burdensome course is pursued, it is quite probable that training in the areas of spirituality and in lifeskills around the home is being neglected or eclipsed by a zealous attention to books.
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CHAPTER 11
Harassment from Extended Family
Mixed Reactions In ten or more years of homeschooling, we have probably seen the entire range of possible public reactions to the fact that our children are taught at home. Usually a person's reaction is cautiously favourable. Sometimes it is mildly disapproving. Occasionally irrelevant ("How are they going to get into any sports?"). And often predictable ("They won't be getting any socialisation,"). To the latter comment I usually reply that we do quite a bit of socialising, though I don't trouble to go on and define what I mean by that. Now that homeschooling has come of age in Australia, it is rare to meet someone who has never heard of it, whereas comments like, "But is that legal?" used to be common. Perhaps the most memorable reaction I recall was by a young lady we came across in a quiet shop who, predictably, asked why the children weren't in school that day. "Is it holidays?" she said. "Oh, no," I answered, "Not that I know of. We teach our children at home." "What, all of them? Everyday? Just at home?" "Yes." "And they don't have to go to school?" "No." As she took this in, the young woman's face went from an expression of surprise to one 112
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great beaming smile. "Well," she breathed out, as she gazed round on us all, "What a wonderful idea!" Homeschoolers are a social minority, so public reaction is bound to be mixed. And generally, this won't matter to us very much. But the reaction of our church fellowship and our own family members, especially our children's grandparents, can matter to us a great deal. The Frowning Fellowship Sadly, there will be occasions when to be a homeschooler will not sit comfortably with other members of your particular church fellowship. If your church has their own Christian school, your preference to homeschool could be taken as disloyalty. Others may feel that you are somehow showing them up as being less `spiritual', because you homeschool. In any case, standing your ground usually quells the opposition over time, but if this does not happen, do not give in to `church rulership' over your family life. The scriptures teach that the husband is head of the wife and children, not the church, and that the church has no say in family affairs except where outright sin is to be dealt with. (There is an excellent article on this topic in the magazine No Greater Joy, Vol.9 No.2, entitled "Where are the Men?". See Chapter 19.) Pray that God will show you His direction if your church fellowship is giving you an ultimatum concerning your homeschooling. Subtle Intimidation This chapter is entitled "Harassment from Extended Family". Does `harassment' sound too strong a word? How about `persecution'? For those homeschooling parents who are stressed by the negative reactions of their extended family, `harassment' or `persecution' might describe perfectly the difficulties they face. For some, especially those whose disapproving relatives live nearby and exert a weekly or daily influence on their children, this harassment represents a severe trial. And the opposition does not always come from only non-Christian relatives, either. There seems to be three broad reasons why relatives stand against their homeschooling family member. One is the obvious case of anything done in the name of Christianity being held in contempt by the unsaved. Secondly, it may be a blow to the pride of relatives, especially grandparents, who are `robbed' of anticipated joys like attending school functions, and boasting of the grandchildren's scholastic achievements in the conventional sense. (Pride is also the problem if the fault-finding grandparent constantly seeks to dominate the homelife of his or her married child.) Finally, a negative reaction may be purely due to ignorance of the benefits of homeschooling, and prompted by a genuine concern for the children's future. This last reason for opposition is the easiest to remedy. If Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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the uninformed relatives sincerely want the best for your children, enlightening them as to the advantages of homeschooling will bring about the desired change. Christian homeschoolers naturally desire to obey the fifth commandment; "Honour thy father and thy mother..."(Exodus 20:12). Somehow it is felt to be showing dishonour if homeschooling parents disagree with the grandparents in the matter of the children's education. Here is where the knowledge that your family has been called of God to homeschool is vital. If your desire to homeschool is just a passing fad, then you might be swayed by the fact that your decision is unpopular with those whose opinions you value. But if you know, without any shadow of doubt, that you must homeschool in obedience to God's directing, then you can no more give it up than a missionary would give up his post just because a relative pouts at his choice of ministry. Our children are a sacred ministry, a gift from God, and God is the One to whom we owe our obedience concerning them. Matthew 10:37 "He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me..." If we were to bend under the subtle intimidation of our children's grandparents in regard to homeschooling, then we are honouring them above our call from God, effectively dishonouring the Lord. This is clearly not the intention of the fifth commandment. How, then, can we continue to show honour, while pursuing a course of which the grandparents disapprove? If we can not `win' them by enthusiastically sharing our children's achievements, artwork, stories, etc, then it might be wise to make no reference at all to what the family is doing together at home. "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." (Colossians 4:6) Do not draw fire by taking the offensive, but rather be an uncompromising peacemaker, using soft answers to turn away wrath (Proverbs 15:1). "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." (Romans 12:17) This verse acknowledges that there will be times when keeping the peace will be outside of your control. If you believe God wants you to homeschool despite even sharp opposition from family or peers, there is only one way to end the ongoing stress. The Cost of the Call Think back over all the Christian biographies you've read. When did obedience to God's call, be it to the mission field, to support thousands of orphans by faith, or to minister to a huge leper colony, come with no cost? Always, there was a real cost to following Jesus. Is it going to be any different to obey the call to homeschool your children? Very few homeschoolers probably have the complete blessing of everyone they know; for many it is a matter instead of pulling against the current. To obey God by homeschooling may cost you family and friends. You may have to move interstate to leave the stress 114
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behind, and this may cost your family a job. This is a huge step, I realise. Commit every step to your heavenly Father, that you may find peace in the storm. Yes, your call to bring up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord may come with a high cost, but be comforted and encouraged. It also comes with a great reward.
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CHAPTER 12
Fear of the Authorities
Increasing Government Control It is remarkably common for homeschoolers to feel a vague sense of anxiety over the powers of the Education Department to `catch up' with them. Fears of outside control, of being dragged off to court, or of having one's children confiscated, are part of the stress of daily life in some homeschools. In most Australian states an education officer will visit registered homeschoolers annually. Evidence of a `fear of man' is often manifest when parents let how they homeschool be largely dictated by the officer's expectations, and not by God's leading. Decades ago, it was universally recognised that parents had prior rights over their children in every area including education. It was expected that all parents desired a good education for their offspring, and governments provided free education as a service to the public. However, even this function of government was subject to the normal processes of life, as shown by the fact that children were routinely released from studies during harvest times, in order to help on the family farm. In the nineteenth century in rural areas of western society, school attendance was often seasonal; winter being the main time children had available for study. There is no doubt that recent decades have seen a dramatic change in the way 116
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the State views `ownership' of the child. United Nations documents on `child rights' and national legislation continue to bring family and child concerns under the direct control of the government. While we are conscious of these developments, we should also be conscious of the overriding power of God, and put trust, rather than fear, into action. Being Well-Informed The most practical thing we can do to release ourselves from a fear of the authorities is to diligently inform ourselves of the laws to which we are subject. Scripturally we are to submit to every ordinance of man (1 Peter 2:13), except when this directly interferes with obedience to God (Acts 5:29). It makes good sense, then, to learn clearly what the `ordinances' are that apply to us as homeschoolers. Fortunately, in Australia much of the hard work is done for us and we need only obtain a copy of the publication Legal Aspects of Home Education in Australia to have the general guidance we need (See Chapter 19). The effect of knowing how to cover ourselves legally to be beyond the reach of interference by government is one of instant relief. Among other things, Legal Aspects of Home Education in Australia shows us the importance of maintaining both an attendance diary, and a schoolwork diary, as evidence that the parent is providing regular and efficient education at home. Ambassadors for Christ Once fear of the authorities is gone, we are free to face a visit by an education officer with enthusiasm rather than trepidation. These department employees are fellow humans, after all, with a soul to be won for Christ. Your visit by an official will often turn out much better than you thought it would. I well remember our very first visit. We had contacted our local district Education Office, informing them of our intention to homeschool. A young woman arrived unannounced one morning soon after. This was perhaps the worst possible day she could have come, as I was single-handedly preparing myself and three young children, including a babe in arms, to go to a funeral. She explained that she had been sent by the Education Department, but that she was actually a Welfare Officer. All I could do was hurriedly explain our homeschooling routine (she knew nothing at all about homeschooling), show her our filing cabinet and how I kept our records, offer her an instant coffee, and apologise that we were on our way out. The rest of that hectic day I spent reflecting on what a failure I must have been, and on such an important occasion as an official visit too. Imagine my amazement then, when subsequently I received a stream of phonecalls from prospective homeschoolers who had been directed to contact us, by the district office, for practical advice on how to homeschool! Somehow, by God's intervention, that visit had been a Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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success. Some years later, in a new locality, we were visited officially twice in two years by a very experienced home education officer. I admit that we had a fun time preparing a recital, a play, some chocolate cake for morning tea and a little wildflower walk complete with magnifying glasses and Latin botanical names. The officer saw that the children enjoyed their homeschooling lifestyle, and were enthusiastic about what they were learning. He was satisfied. Developing a friendly rapport with your district Education Officer is so important for your family, for the public `face' of homeschooling, and for the furtherance of God's kingdom. Most visiting officers have a very positive attitude towards the homeschooler. The last gentleman we had official contact with commented, at the end of the visit, that he had been visiting home educators for twelve years and, in his words, added, "You can't beat homeschooling." Our own family's personal conviction regarding government `interference' in our children's education can be stated simply. We believe that Christian homeschooling parents, and not the government, have the God-given duty and responsibility to provide their children's education. We also believe that the government has a ligitimate role of checking that children are receiving an education. If it be possible, we aim to be beyond reproach. We cannot ever be sure that the government's definition of education will always agree with our own, nor that we will always enjoy the freedom to homeschool. Thankfully, though, we have the privilege of committing ourselves "to him that judgeth righteously" (1 Peter 2:23) At the present time in Australia, the few instances where homeschoolers are taken to court are usually the result of parents refusing to allow government representatives to check on their education programme. This may be coupled with not keeping the minimum records to prove the child is being educated, or some other indiscretion such as showing antagonism towards authority. As Christian homeschoolers, our attitude towards those God has raised up over us into positions of authority is taught us in 1 Timothy 2:1-4: "I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty. For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour; Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth." Who knows, then, whether by your meek and hospitable conduct your family may win to Christ the soul of the visiting official? This outlook will help guard against fearing authority as an enemy, and melt the stress fear brings. 118
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CHAPTER 13
Financial Stress
Money Matters Educating your children at home does cost money as well as time. Although education need not be more costly for a homeschooler than for anyone else, homeschooling families typically fall into a couple of categories which may make them especially vulnerable to financial stress. Almost by definition, a homeschooling family will be a oneincome family, since one parent, at least, is home with the children and not out working to supplement funds. Again, typical homeschoolers, especially those who are Christians, have a much larger family size than the national average to support. These factors mean that stress may creep in by way of financial difficulties. It is true that in the world, love of money is the primary driving force of the lusts of every individual, and their only meter of happiness. Sayings like this Scottish one; "When poverty comes in, love flies out the window", remind us of how financial stress affects the world's marriages. This is especially true of the modern world where many live under high levels of debt, and marriages are frail at best. As so eloquently expressed by Mr Micawber in Dickens' David Copperfield, "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery." The exhortation to `owe no man' was recorded many centuries before Dickens by One who has already planned for mankind's Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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welfare and happiness, in Romans 13:7-8. The Christian has a great advantage over the melancholy prospects of the worldly poor. We have a heavenly Father who promises to supply our every need, and if we are homeschooling in obedience to Him, there is no doubt that He will provide, in direct proportion to our believing prayers of petition to Him. Knowledge and experience of this comes with increasing spiritual maturity. As a consequence we will have decreasing anxieties. `Perceived' versus `Actual' Financial Difficulty Homeschooling sensibly is not likely to impoverish anyone who was not already in a delicate balance financially. For a person to say, "I'd like to homeschool, but we couldn't afford to do it," would be to excuse himself from pursuing a very sound investment - his children. For those living amid the wealth of Australian society, or any other western civilisation, hardship is often more `perceived' than actual. To illustrate this, imagine for a moment that your family lived in an upper class neighbourhood. Your front yard would soon look very conspicuous if it was not kept as immaculately manicured as next-door's. Your visits around the locality would reveal the new purchases, furnishings and clothing considered the minimum standard for the lifestyle of the suburb. The pressure of acceptance, and the desire for the lovely things you see around you would cause you to spend money where you otherwise would not. Now imagine instead that you were a missionary family stationed in a foreign remote village. A window might break in your modest mud hut, but a piece of cardboard tucked in will serve the purpose of repair. Your mind is fully given over to meeting the basic physical and spiritual needs of your family and your poor neighbours, but the joy they have in the gospel makes the description `poor' somehow seem quite misleading. Yes, they have nothing of this world's goods, save their daily bread, but oh, what they do have of the riches of heaven! None of those spending habits of suburban Australia have any influence on you now. Oh, there are always needs, and extra money would be handy. You could print more tracts or gospels, or extend your evangelistic tours to outlying villages. But buy a twelve foot Baltic pine dining room dresser, or new carpet? Who could spend God's money on that, and feel poverty-stricken if you couldn't? Just so, our financial difficulties are often only perceived, not actual. We tend to think financially only in terms of the level of the standard of living we are used to. An example of this was when a dear friend of ours was describing the stress she was experiencing while her executive husband was out of work. As she was speaking, in sympathy I had resolved in my mind to ask my husband about putting something aside for this family's relief. However, my friend finished the discussion on this 120
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dismal note: "In fact, if he doesn't find a good job in another month or so, we might actually have to dip into our savings...." At this I was stunned! They had savings! But to them, it was unthinkable to get so `poor' as to have to use them. Our ideas of financial hardship are so variable. I've heard of people who genuinely think they are living `on faith', when in fact they are living on government benefits. These may have a role to play, but we must face the fact that they may not always exist. Renewed Thinking The main gateway to financial recovery lies in renewing our thinking. It means taking on a completely fresh mindset and being able to objectively, with God's help, assess your situation and formulate steps toward a stronger financial position. It may mean making a determined effort to forsake the comfortable lifestyle you have maintained, or were brought up to expect. Of course a husband and wife need to be one about the necessity of these decisions. What is the quickest path to becoming debt-free? Do you really need such a big house? What about a move to the country? Does the husband's work, or the family business lend itself to relocating? Financial counselling may be helpful here, or asking the advice of older respected Christian friends. In the case of homeschoolers, until the children are old enough to help earn, it is more likely that extra funds will come from reducing your expenditure, not increasing your income. Of course, if income can be increased without taking the breadwinner away from the family for more hours a day, this would be ideal. But be mindful that eternal purposes are not better served by more parental absence. Practical Ways to Save Apart from New Zealand and the province of Alberta, Canada, I know of no places where financial assistance has been provided by governments to homeschoolers to meet curriculum costs. (From the 2008-2009 financial year, Australians can get a limited educational refund.) For most of us then, it is dependent upon our own creativity to reduce our regular expenses. Many family costs will be of a fixed nature; payments like vehicle registration cannot be changed, but can be budgeted for over the course of the year. Analysing your present spending patterns will be a great help towards identifying areas where spending can be reduced. Perhaps money spent on postage stamps and numerous small items does not currently get taken into account. However, they do represent a drain on funds which could be better controlled. The biggest weekly outgoings of the family are probably mortgage or rent, and groceries. Perhaps power and phone bills come next. See how some of these bigger Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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expenses could be reduced. Look into ways of paying the mortgage more efficiently to reduce interest charges and the term of the loan. Your lender should be able to advise you. Is it time to sell and get a cheaper house? Perhaps you don't really need that second car, and could turn it into cash to reduce the mortgage. Will your landlord agree to your mowing and maintaining the property in return for reduced rent? What about making some improvements he would agree to in exchange for a month's rent? Perhaps if you are a long term tenant he is happy with, you could offer to pay rent to him directly to save the property management fee being paid to the real estate agent. The phone bill can be devastating, the more so because it is difficult to monitor what it is costing you as you use it. If you cannot practically cut the phone off, or install an incoming-only line and use a phonebox for outgoing calls, then at least know what you are spending on average per bill, and budget for it. Pre-paid phonecards may help. Electricity costs can usually be reduced, and it is worth the effort to do so. Some time ago we house-sat for a family for a period of four months. We agreed to pay for the electricity we used, and by simply switching on the hot water unit only for a few hours a week for baths, instead of leaving it on continuously, our bill was exactly half the usual amount for that household. Electric ovens and electric space heating should be avoided where possible. Regularly switching off fridges and freezers overnight is an economical habit, but don't be too paranoid about lighting; it usually accounts for only about 2% of your power bill. The systematic use of a solar oven in the warmer months will also cut down expenses. If you often boil a kettle throughout the day, boil it once instead and fill a large insulated `air-pot' with the water. It stays hot enough to make coffee all day without using more power. Many times changing your living habits can make a large difference to spending. We used to all go out as a family on shopping day, which usually resulted in spending lunch and dinner money for a family of eight. Now we have changed this system. One parent goes out alone to shop for groceries, and if necessary, buys one lunch and one dinner. Our family day out is now to the park, and we can be more organised to arrange to take our food with us. If you regularly buy a cappuccino when you are out for two or three dollars, consider taking a flask of hot water instead and some specialty coffee bags. You'll still save money. Most family eating places like Macdonald's will allow you to bring in some of your own food, so long as you are also making a purchase from them. They do this in recognition of people on special diets, or with allergies, etc. This way, your family can supplement their own modest meal with a cheap indulgence from the restaurant menu, and feel they've had a treat. If you order restaurant softdrinks, you get better value if you decline the ice. But a cheaper idea is to share out a supermarket-bought bottle into cups in the car 122
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after the meal. Economsing on the grocery bill makes, perhaps, one of the biggest differences to the money left in hand at the end of the week. Look at all the meals you regularly make at home. Cost them out by pricing the ingredients for each, then delete a few of the most expensive meals from your menu (or reserve them for special occasions only). Organise yourself to shop fortnightly or monthly, instead of weekly. This will at least save some fuel, although you may have to buy your fresh produce more regularly than other items. Arrange your pantry to be able to fit in bulk quantities of those items you use most. Teaming up with another family in order to get quantity discounts may also work for you. Compare the cost of buying bread with making your own. Search out specialty and wholesale suppliers who are willing to sell the quantities you need at discount prices. For example, at present we can buy honey directly from a local beekeeper for less than half the supermarket price. Do you buy packet potato crisps? It is far cheaper (and more fun) to make fresh popcorn. Consult with some older housewives for their savings secrets, and invest in some books of thrifty recipes. Involve the family in some simple food gardening. Even if you have no yard, or no permission to dig up someone else's, there are special potting containers which will grow food for you in any patio corner. A few laying hens are usually worth their while. Getting the children involved in saving as a family `project' can add to your success and change their outlook. Suddenly they will see that wasting food is wasting money. If there is a team effort happening, and a financial goal for which all are striving, an occasional celebration in recognition of everyone's help will keep up the momentum. There are also various books available to inspire you in ways of saving. Be assured that the efforts you make in tracking down discounts will pay for themselves. Working From Home There are many opportunities where extra income can realistically be made working from home, but be wise. If you have little ones and it’s a struggle to fit everything in each day, taking up something extra to supplement the income will mean neglecting your other roles. Be patient and wait for the right time, or start very small and build up your business very slowly. It is typical for a new business venture to quickly become allconsuming (of both time and money!), so be both prayerful and careful. On the positive side, the wise and educated use of the internet can free up the breadwinner to be able to stay home with the family, if sufficient online skills are there to make internet marketing a reliable income source. Getting sound advice from experienced Christians in this industry is probably the best first step. As of 2009, we have a Twitter account where you are welcome to ask questions about earning income online: http://twitter.com/SueRumsley. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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It is also fruitful to assist your children in carrying out a small business enterprise, if your situation lends itself to that. Many juicy blackberries grow in our area in the summertime, and the children are keen to pick the fruit. We pay them a small sum for this, and then turn the blackberries into jam. Each batch yields some jars for family use, some to give away, and some to sell. The children get paid again when the jars are sold. In this way we are contributing to the financial education of our children. Homeschooling on a Shoestring As has already been pointed out, quality curriculum can be expensive. However, there are many useful resources for homeschoolers which are either free of charge or come at a low cost. Some of these items are provided by Christian suppliers as a ministry, to edify the body of Christ. Others are provided `at cost' since it is not the supplier's purpose to make a profit. A sample list of these materials can be found in Chapter 19 of this book. The key to relieving financial stress is, again, complete dependence on our all-wise God as our provider. Obeying the scriptural principle of giving will also ensure that you will not go without. This doesn't mean you need to give money - perhaps giving an hour splitting wood for an elderly neighbour is appropriate when your funds are low. "Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom." (Luke 6:38) Working towards a solution under God's guidance, but trusting Him for the results, will never fail. Psalm 37:25 says "I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread." We have the Lord's promise.
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CHAPTER 14
Tertiary Institution Requirements
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Mapping the Future The same well-meaning friends who doubted your ability to guide your children through high school will be asking you "How will they qualify for university or TAFE (Technical and Further Education)?" The right time to prayerfully consider what your child will do after highschool is at the completion of primary school. As Christian homeschoolers, we are going to assume that you will not be encouraging your daughter to look for an out-of-home career, but will provide her with ongoing practise in the fascinating skills required as a "keeper at home", while she awaits her wedding day. Of course, if God calls her to a single life, she will know His will for her in adulthood. For the sons in the family who will become the providers for families of their own, there are five main paths to consider. 1. Pursuing studies that prepare for entry into a university, which in turn prepares for a career. Some degrees may be studied for at home by correspondence. Such study may also be pursued in conjunction with building a home business, working part-time or preparing for some form of ministry. 2. Pursuing studies that prepare for entry into a TAFE course, which in turn prepares for a vocation. Like a university course, some TAFE studies may be done externally from home. Sometimes a father and son may take a course together. The usual minimum age is sixteen, although certain courses are open to younger students. Again, courses may be taken while other income-earning work is pursued. 3. Gradually developing a home business, or being coached in the father's trade by the father, while high school studies are being completed. If well planned from the time the son is about twelve years old, this option is probably the quickest road towards establishing him as an income earner. Tertiary studies can always be pursued, if necessary, at a later date. 4. Gaining suitable employment outside the home. If a desirable position opens up for the student in the general workforce, and the parents are confident in the employer, the work environment, and their child, this path may be taken with or without the added involvement of tertiary studies. 5. Equipping the young adult who has a definite call on his life for missionary work. If this direction is clear, some Bible college studies and some TAFE studies on practical subjects, like welding or mechanical maintenance, may be desirable. The income-earning potential of such courses may not necessarily be taken into consideration. 126
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Vocational Flexibility Most parents have certain `ambitions' for their child, and are tempted to point the way vocationally. It is probably best, however, to allow the child some choice, some work experience, some guidance, and much prayer while together seeking God's direction. Many ideas previously not thought of can be gleaned from TAFE course brochures, newspapers, community markets and so on. Talking with others and reading books on selfemployment can also be inspiring. There are business opportunities everywhere, and something to suit any young man or family. Be open to new ideas. Despite all the modern high-tech, or computer-based jobs, there are still plenty of openings for honest manual labour. As a family, our personal preference is to develop one or more home businesses in which our sons (and daughters) can be involved, while always remaining open to God's leading. This does not, of course, eliminate the option of pursuing tertiary studies the two can be done together. Although we are, as yet, only at the very early stages of business development, there is an exciting potential in this area for homeschoolers. A fellowship of believers may represent a variety of vocational skills, trades and careers, and some may be willing and able to share their knowledge and help train the younger generation. This could be a great benefit as the fees payable for tertiary tuition are becoming expensive. Investigate Tertiary Choices Keeping up to date with the various requirements for entry into tertiary institutions will take away any anxiety regarding your options. Homeschooled children are not disadvantaged when it comes to gaining entry, but you need to be prepared ahead of time to know the required steps. To get current information, contact the institution itself explaining your present educational plans and specifying your query, for example, which courses can be done by correspondence? Suppliers of homeschooling resources can also often advise you. Contact Kingsley Educational, Homeschooling Suppliers (Aust), or Light Educational Ministries for information about your current tertiary options. Purchasing the publications "After Homeschooling" or "Getting into TAFE and University" will give you the confidence you need to answer anyone who challenges you regarding your child's future (See Chapter 19). You might think of a suitable phrase to use such as, "He is pursuing practical business studies here at home (developing a home business), while keeping his tertiary options open." Joshua Steele, newly appointed Administrator for No Greater Joy Ministry's Bangkok Mission School, was homeschooled. His mother was defending their educational choices to a well-meaning questioner. Joshua says, "He (the questioner) expressed concern Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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that if my parents continued to raise us like this, always emphasising the home, God, the Bible, good music, morality, etc, and sheltering us from certain evils, then we would not be able to `fit in to the real world' later on. I will never forget the answer she gave. She simply said, "We are not raising our children to `fit in' with the world; we are raising them to change the world." Lion Lookout A word of warning when it comes to allowing your child to attend a tertiary institution. No course of higher education is so important that it overrides the safety of the child's soul. Many years ago I was speaking with a mother whose young children attended a regular school. She shared with me her lack of confidence in homeschooling as the best road to spiritual maturity since she had watched her two homeschooled nephews fall from their Christian walk once they began university. I had no answer for her, but now I realise what should have been obvious back then. The age at which young people usually complete highschool is an especially vulnerable age spiritually. Adolescent boys and girls can be drawn towards the things of the world, which Satan is careful to make as attractive as possible. Universities especially are often the birthplace of humanistic ideas, and as a roaring lion, Satan tries to devour tender young Christians with his godless theologies and worldly influences. I do not say that no Christian should ever let his child attend a university or TAFE. But surely it would be foolishness to ignore the risks. We know from Scripture and from our own experience that this world is becoming more and more corrupt. Environments which may have been relatively `safe' a generation or two ago are safe no longer. Christian parents will need to ask themselves some important questions. Do the reasons we have taught our own children through primary and high school still apply for tertiary studies? Is higher education really necessary for my child to succeed in life? Allowing a teenager to move out of home in order to attend a secular institution for higher learning would be taking the biggest risk of all. God has planned that our children be protected from such a situation by indicating in scripture that a young man or woman only move out of home to marry and establish a home of their own. (Matthew 19:5, Leviticus 22:13) A son who for several years after highschool has worked alongside his father, or a trusted friend, is more likely to be able to take up higher education with a focused sense of responsibility than a younger high school graduate. In the final analysis, of course, the only thing that really matters is that the student and his parents diligently seek after God's will and direction. If your child adopts a humble occupation like Paul with his tentmaking, the Lord Jesus with His carpentry, or 128
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Peter with his fishing, he may be comparatively free to keep the Lord's work foremost in his life. He may be able to set up a printing press to sell business stationery, and print gospel tracts as well. Truly the possibilities are limitless, and our creative God will reveal a right path when we consecrate our work and study to His Glory.
CHAPTER 15
Lack of Practical Help
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Theory Versus Practise Homeschooling can often bring about stress in the family if, for various reasons, there is insufficient support coming from the husband. In theory, you are a homeschooling couple, but in practise, often only one parent is actually doing the homeschooling, and this is usually the mother. When the whole burden of planning, implementing, teaching, supervising, guiding, marking and correcting schoolwork falls largely on the shoulders of the one who is also responsible for meals, housework and nurturing babies, the results can be overwhelming. How can this common source of stress be brought back into a workable balance? The Society of Absentee Fathers In these modern times, most fathers work away from home. They are simply not available during the day to be in the house, actively assisting with the homeschooling. While this may be lamentable, there are still ways the willing husband can ease his wife's workload, as well as looking at better long-term answers to this common problem. Before we examine possible solutions, however, lets have a look at the two main instances where practical help is lacking from the husband.
The Tolerant Husband Let's imagine a family where the desire to homeschool has originated with the Christian wife. Her husband may be saved or unsaved. Without being convicted by God about the need to homeschool, the father has simply granted his wife her desire to teacher their children at home. Perhaps he sees this desire as just a whim of his wife's, and he remains passive and uninvolved. The father is never more than mildly interested and maintains the view that the homeschooling doesn't really concern him - he's out at work all day anyway. He is quite happy to permit his wife to teach at home so long as it doesn't cause him any personal inconvenience. After a while, however, perhaps the wife starts to become overwhelmed by her extra role . The housework starts to slide, the expenditure on homeschooling resources and outings becomes a noticeable cost, and the man of the house finds he is coming home to a frazzled woman with no emotional energy left for him at the end of the day. The husband begins to think of calling a halt to the homeschooling - it's obvious his wife can't cope with this sort of thing, so better to put his children back in school where they belong. What to do to remedy this situation? Should the wife give up homeschooling if her husband is merely tolerating it? Not necessarily, but if the problems described above are happening, the wife had better act quickly and wisely before her husband insists the 130
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children go to a school. The wife should immediately humble herself before her husband, asking his forgiveness for her neglect of himself and his home. Then she should prayerfully prioritise, simplify and reduce her workload along the lines suggested within this book. The wife must also pray continually that God will place the call to homeschool on the husband's heart, so that as his conviction grows, so will his willingness to support his wife in practical ways in her role at home. When the home is back in harmony, and the husband is pleased with the atmosphere he is coming home to, the wife may feel free to ask her husband if he would like to take on a small task such as listening to a child read. The Supportive but Absent Husband What about the husband who feels called by God to homeschool, but realises that his present work commitments do not allow him to have much practical input? Despite this fact, the husband is the head (the Principal) of his Christian homeschool. His wife should submit to his authority in every aspect of the children's training and education. Instead of making scholastic decisions on her own simply because her husband is out at work, the wife needs to refer a question to her husband ahead of time so that he can make a decision on it. She might ask him, for example, "Do you think we need to plan to get some high school science materials for next year? Junior seems to be getting ahead and enjoying this subject ...." The wife might then show her husband the catalogues and curriculum choices possible, so that he can do the deciding. Being out at work doesn't have to mean being out of touch with the family. Often the wife is at fault by taking many of the decisions upon herself without adequately consulting her husband. Ideally the husband should make himself available to his children for some of their schooling. If the husband and wife prayerfully consider the matter, they may be surprised to find ways of implementing this. Perhaps one weekday school morning could be cancelled and replaced with a weekend morning or afternoon so that the children can `school' with Dad. The husband's work hours may be able to be adjusted, or he may use the option of `flexitime' to have some daytime hours at home. It would be best if one or two specific activities were permanently taken charge of by Dad, such as correcting maths, listening to reading or planning and supervising a weekly science experiment. Instead of academics, the father might prefer to teach woodwork or gardening. Even if his daytime work is of a very exhausting nature, and the husband feels unable to make a creative input into his children's day, he will be showing an interest and loving concern for his family by relaxing in his armchair and saying with a smile to each child, "Show Dad what you did today,". Happily, this benefits the mother through the day as she inspires her children to make good efforts in their work, "Daddy will be glad to see that neat page of writing tonight, Junior." Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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As a long-term goal, your family may discuss the possibility of a home business. When the father no longer has to leave the home to earn an income, all the members of the family will eventually be able to help one another work, study and play. However, even if this never happens, you can explore the many small ways the head of the home can show support for his children's education and training. The wife has two main responsibilities in any case. Firstly she is to do whatever it takes to keep all schooling and house concerns simplified and manageable, so that her husband arrives home to a loving welcome. Secondly she must realise that she was created as her husband's help (Genesis 2:18), therefore she should never demand, or even hint, that her husband should be helping her. Instead of telling her husband what to do to help her, the wife should simply ask his advice concerning her homeschooling problems, showing a humble trust and reverence for the husband with which God has blessed her. If she is a submissive wife with a loving attitude, her husband will certainly desire to ease her load.
CHAPTER 16
Depression
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That Sinking Feeling It is alarming the number of women in particular, even Christians, who struggle with depression. Although this book aims to help minimise the sources of stress in your life as a homeschooler, depression can be, and has been, an awful reality for some mothers and their families. This chapter aims to give you some ideas for seeking out the encouragement you need, and above all to give you a hope. A hope that you will be all that you desire to be in God, and for your family. It is not necessarily your fault if you have succumbed to depression; it is, sadly, extremely common. But it is mainly up to you to help yourself climb out of this situation, and get back on the road to recovery. It will take 1) your firm decision to be well and strong, 2) the encouragement and support of others, and 3) most importantly, a stubborn faith in your God. The Weaker Vessel Why is it that women seem to sink under waves of depression more easily than men? Part of the answer lies in the modern social outlook of woman's `equality' with man, often called feminism. Although in direct opposition to the teaching of the Bible, there is a community-wide assumption that a woman should take on more and more of life's responsibilities in many areas that used to only concern men. Financial decisions, business transactions and large scale organising tasks wear down a woman's emotional energy because she was not designed by God to be in the headship role these activities require. Even if a particular woman has what seems to be a `talent' for these skills, beyond that of her husband, she would be undermining her husband's God-given position if she were to take over these responsibilities. Her `success' will only feed the pride and ambition of the flesh in a most unfeminine way. The Bible instead says that woman is the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7), but also that this is a position honoured by her husband. This `weakness' then, is not to imply that the woman is of less value than the man. Rather, it is a great blessing for the woman that God designed her husband (or her father if she is unmarried), to take the burden of the major part of life's responsibilities. She can be free from all mental anxiety and heavy concerns by simply being in submission, and trusting her husband's or father's authority. The `weakness' of the woman should entitle her to the protection of the man, which he will readily give when she is in complete submission to his authority. It is when the woman is left unprotected from life's demands that she becomes vulnerable to the frustrations which lead to depression. Although we do not say that correcting the husband Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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and wife roles are the whole answer to depression, an awareness of the woman's role as the weaker vessel does point to a significant root cause. Contributing Factors If stress has become depression, there may be added factors which can inhibit your emotional recovery. Recognising and managing these will be important. As women we know that getting older can mean changes in our hormone levels which in turn affect our moods and emotions. These hormone problems can make us more susceptible to depression, but it is important to realise that they are not the whole cause. Many women turn to various forms of medications or `natural' treatments to try to combat the effects of these hormonal changes. The results range from helpful to devastating. Please be especially wary of medical `control' of depression. The number of deaths resulting from such treatments would shock you, although, like suicides, they are rarely reported in the papers. And this is to say nothing of the marriage breakups or other social problems directly attributable to anti-depression drugs. There are many types of these drugs, all with various side effects. Many can change your whole personality overnight, induce erratic behaviour, cause memory loss and so on. The simple truth is, it is better to develop a strategy for coping with the depression based on the three points mentioned on page 189, than to try to cope with problems caused by the anti-depression medications. Another contributing factor which is simple to correct is diet. As busy mothers, it is very easy to fall into a habit of eating, or snacking on convenience foods which are high in sugar, fats or other `problem' ingredients and additives. These foods can upset various chemical balances in the body and brain which in turn affect hormones and mood swings. Whether or not you choose to research the available information on this subject, you can't go wrong by changing to a completely natural diet of, say, raw foods or juices for a trial length of time. You may be pleasantly surprised by how much better you feel, and decide that this is the answer for you. Here is a good daily habit which also has the effect of combating stress by relieving tensions which can build up without you being fully aware of it. This is simply to get out into the fresh air for fifteen minutes for a session of deep breathing and stretching in order to oxygenate your system. Any other brief activity which you find gives you a revitalised feeling will help, such as trampolining, a quick swim, or just smelling the roses. The Bible View How do we reconcile problems with depression in our lives if we are Christians? We cannot deny that depression and its effects are a reality. We must, however, realise certain things. One is that our depression is not necessarily due to sin. If we view it 134
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as a sickness (and we should), then we know that there can be any of three scriptural reasons for it. These are 1) personal sin, (John 5:14) 2) the fact that we are in a fallen and cursed world where disease, death and pain will exist until we enter Christ's Kingdom (Revelation 21:4) and, 3) to bring glory to God. (John 9:3) Although God has allowed this circumstance to develop in our lives for a purpose, it is clear that God does not want us to be in continual bondage to depression: "For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Tim 1:7) It is interesting that being `fearful' not only produces an unsound mind, but actually disqualifies us from ultimately entering God's Kingdom: "But the fearful, and unbelieving, . shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone . . ." (Rev 21:8) This is because `fear' is in opposition to faith: trusting and believing in our loving God to do all things for our best. All depression has its roots in fear and unbelief. Even though depression then robs us of the feelings of trust and faith, it cannot rob us of our ability to exercise trust and belief by faith alone. Why? Because it is not our feelings that we are putting faith in, it is our God and His Word, neither of which can ever fail. "For we walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7) , "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1) Therefore, deliberately expressing our faith, our belief and trust in the goodness of God (despite our feelings) is the sure antidote to succumbing to the effects of depression. Our struggle with depression may not come to an abrupt end as we exercise our faith this way, but we will find that we at last have a weapon to fight with, and God will give us victory and relief in the end. How, then, do we put the `exercising of our faith' into practise? Here are some steps: 1. Acknowledge the problem. Admit the situation to yourself, to God, and to your husband. Thank the Lord that He has allowed this in His wisdom, and ask Him to use it for your spiritual good, and for His glory. Ask your husband for his practical and prayerful support as you work towards healing. 2. Be more determined than ever to meet with God daily in prayer and in meditation on His Word, even if you feel totally out of touch spiritually.This is walking by faith. It is easy to maintain your quiet times when they are full of blessing and spiritual highs, but when we persevere in our devotions even when we are feeling `dry', it is an act of will that says "God is worthy of my worship, my time and my praise and thanksgiving anyway". This right attitude will gain the victory at last. 3. Look upon the problem in a positive light. Own that God intends to bring good out Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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of it, perhaps to humble us, or for some other purpose. It is a tribulation, yes, but also a privilege God has entrusted to us - we have been called into the fellowship of Christ's suffering. There is an earthly, as well as an eternal benefit to this: ". . .the God of all comfort; who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." (2 Corinthians 1:4) In other words, there will come a day when, because of our experience with depression, we will be able to help and encourage others who are going through the same valley. 4. Be careful not to make major decisions when you are feeling low, since you are then least able to make considered or rational judgements. For example, when struggling with depression our coping skills as a parent may seem very inadequate. We may therefore come to the wrong conclusion that children are the cause of our problems, and consequently takes steps to avoid having any more. Though our feelings have changed, God's Word does not, and He says children are a blessing. Exercise faith in this area, asking God to help you walk believing in Him, not in the desires of the flesh. Ask for practical help and support from those you trust. Avoid any action which may bring future regrets. 5. Consider the degree of trust and faith the Bible teaches. It is a faith that does not depend on results. For example, Job (and his wife) experienced the loss of all worldly wealth and their family of children in one day. Job's wife, under the naturally intense grief, gave way to despair to a suicidal degree. In a word: depression. As a godly man, Job knew all these calamities came from the Hand of the God he served. Yet, while certainly feeling the anguish of his loss, and the physical agony of personal pain, Job still stubbornly expressed his faith: "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him . . ."(Job 13:15) His was a faith that did not depend on results. Likewise consider those whom the book of Hebrews describes: "These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth." (Hebrews 11:13) This is the degree of faith that needs to be ours when depression robs us of seeing any further than our own problems. A constant, unconditional belief in God's goodness that willfully thanks Him for His love while we are yet in the midst of our dark valley, and have not received relief. Using this faith, we decide to smile, and to speak cheerfully, when inside we are teary. We do this for the sake of those around us, especially our children and husband, but also for ourselves. If we fail, we pray and try again. This valley will come to an end. 6. It is important that we also confide our needs to tenderhearted Christian sisters, asking them for daily uplifting in prayer, and that they might send words of encouragement and love, in notes, cards and phonecalls. This provides a vital source of strength for one who 136
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feels that all their own strength is gone. Remember to thank those who are making the effort to uplift you, telling them of your appreciation. Remember also to be an encouragement to others when they are in any need. Making the effort to think of others, especially your husband, even in little ways, will yield a double blessing. It will warm the heart of those to whom you are reaching out, and it will minister to your own soul, since you will be less focussed on self. Depression is largely fed by thoughts of self. Many people come out of a dark period of depression successfully, with increased stress management skills and compassion for others. You too will survive and be able, with God's help, to turn a trial into a blessing.
CHAPTER 17
Homeschooling Through the Hiccups
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Life is in the Interruptions In your mind you picture the ideal homeschooling scene. The children are perfectly co-operative, the work goes ahead smoothly, progress is steady and you are all peacefully established in a comfortable family routine. Then come the hiccups. You move house, and the upheaval gives you frustrated months of unsettled, haphazard, and irregular homeschooling. Or a new baby arrives and all your careful schedule is out the window for an extended time. You, your husband, or one of your elderly parents become ill and need weeks of nursing. House-guests stay longer than planned and take up much of your attention. In our love of order and routine, we view these happenings as an interruption to the flow of life as we desire it. However, it is these things themselves that make up our life, rather than interrupt it. We must view them positively, and work out strategies ahead of time in order to channel the deviated flow instead of letting it become obstructed. Automatic Programme Because even our best laid plans can be overturned, it is wise to formulate an `automatic' homeschooling schedule which can go into action when a hiccup makes the usual routine unworkable. Every homeschooling family varies in its approach towards how the children receive their education, but presuming that the parent directs the day's learning to some degree, the learning will obviously be somewhat interrupted when the parent becomes unavailable. For the very young, or for children who are as yet unable to read and therefore cannot instruct themselves from their books, the best course may be simply to suspend the formal learning while it is impractical to continue because of a hiccup. It is important not to feel guilty or stressed if at any time, for any reason, it is necessary to suspend the normal teaching routine because of circumstances outside of your control. The children will still be `learning' of course from all that is going on around them, especially as they are included in discussions on what is happening. But for an older child, writing up an Automatic Programme that he can implement himself, without help, will keep up a routine and progress that gives the child a sense of security and accomplishment during an otherwise unsettled time. For this special programme, you might include simple, self-correcting workbooks, or non-academic educational activities such as a birdlife colouring-in book which specifies the colours for correct species identification. You might also let the older one hold a `teaching class' with younger ones, where he drills them on counting, alphabet, tables, etc. Everything needs to be clearly laid out, written up, and easily followed. Then, on any occasion where you might be unexpectedly called away from home and someone else is minding your children (even Daddy), you can tell them to follow their Automatic Programme for that day. Or for that 138
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month! Moving House The most crucial aspect of shifting, as far as homeschooling is concerned, is being sure to pack the schooling materials that are currently in use in readily identifiable boxes. If necessary, spray paint these particular boxes in a `fluoro' colour, and carry them in your own vehicle to your destination, not with the rest of the packing. If it can be planned, schedule your move during a time you want the children to have as their main holiday for the year, to give yourself time and space to get fully set up again. Keepers At Home (see Chapter 19) have a book available which gives valuable advice concerning moving house with ease. New Baby This is one of the `hiccups' for which you at least have several months to prepare. It is also a great opportunity to involve the other children in some of the preparations, and help them to joyfully anticipate their new sibling. As extra tiredness is a common experience for the expecting mother, it may be useful some days to have the children quietly follow their Automatic Programme while you get some extra rest. This programme might also include directions such as who makes what sandwiches for lunch, and other instructions to help the household run smoothly without your supervision. You certainly can still homeschool with a new baby; it is probably the most pleasant of life's `interruptions'. Take it calmly in stride, feeding your baby in a comfortable chair where you can be with the other children. Teach your schooling children to come to you for any bookwork help - don't constantly get up to go to them. See Chapter 7 for further suggestions. Sickness When a child, a parent, or any other close relative is sick and needs attention, it is an opportunity for children to learn kindness, sensitivity, tenderness and compassion. Let them be mindful of the patient's need of quiet rest, let them prepare the chicken soup or cold packs, and arrange the cut flowers or write get-well cards. Suspend or automate the homeschooling - you don't need extra pressure at this time. Live-in Visitors In our experience, this would be one of the most disruptive hiccups in terms of trying to maintain a homeschooling routine. Balanced with this, of course, is the blessing which comes with ministering to others as house-guests. Here I am not referring to visitors who only stay a week or less, nor to a single elderly co-operative grandparent who works in Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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with your household routine. Instead I am talking about having to arrange your home around the needs of an additional family for an extended period. Much depends here on how the two families work together. In some cases the visitors will bless and inspire your whole family spiritually; in other cases they may instead bring with them problems with which you can be a help. In either case your homeschooling routine may need to be suspended or modified in order to maximise the benefit of the experience for all involved. Do not be tempted to resent an intrusion into your ordered life if God has brought it about. Instead ask God for wisdom in dealing positively with the new situation until it comes to a natural end. Progress of the Child's Maturity By way of encouragement, if you find yourself having to deal with a frustrating amount of life's hiccups, be assured that these do not actually hinder the child's long term academic progress. To illustrate this, I read once in a well-known homeschooling magazine the experiences of a family who had a number of hiccups in one year. They had moved interstate, which involved career adjustments for the father and much resettling for the family. They had a new baby, and time commitments to a terminally ill grandparent. In all, the mother wrote that they hardly got any organised homeschooling accomplished at all. To add to her concerns, the children were required to sit the annual national standardised exams at the end of the year. Amazingly, each child had still managed to progress by at least one grade since the previous year's test! Undoubtedly they had prayed over the situation, but one of the natural reasons for success was the simple fact that all of life's experiences in that year had increased the maturity and self-reliance of each of the family's children, which somehow reflected in their test results. So relax, let life bring what it will. Plan and prepare with wisdom where possible, but accept with joy and flexibility the unexpected. Hiccups need not hinder your call to homeschool, and they will actually add to your children's real-life education.
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PART C
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Sample Routines and Resources
CHAPTER 18
Schooling Routines for Various Ages
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Sample Homeschool Day for Early Grades It has been frequently pointed out that every homeschooling family tends to follow a routine which will be, to some extent, unique to themselves. It may be helpful, however, for those feeling `helpless' due to stress, to outline some sample routines which are easy to pick up and follow. These can, of course, be adapted, personalised and developed to suit a family's preferences or changing needs. In practise, our family does not tend to `go by the clock', but for the sake of simplicity, the following samples will indicate a time frame for each activity. Therefore, a child in the early grades might have a day that looks something like this: 7:00am 7:30am 9:00am 10:00am
Rise, dress, tidy bed, etc. Breakfast, followed by family devotions. Do dishes, clean up kitchen. Maths: Parent or older child to instruct. Drill for 5-10 minutes (counting, addition facts, etc.). Workbook lesson about 30 minutes. Do immediate corrections, award stickers, etc. 10:45am Morning tea and play break. 11:15am Writing: Parent or older child to instruct. ***In the very early grades, this will probably be a phonics/spelling lesson, followed by a `writing model'; a passage of quality literature copied out by the child from their current `reader'. Be sure the child tries hard to make an accurate copy. While still learning to write, take special care over correct letter formation (cursive writing need not be taught until Grade 3 or 4). Exercise books called "dotted thirds" are useful to teach well-proportioned writing; use 24mm in Grade 1, 18mm in Grade 2 and 14mm in Grade 3. Normal exercise books will be used after this, although there is a 9mm dotted thirds book which could help with learning cursive writing. Writing Guide: Children should write every day, since the discipline of expressing themselves on paper develops thinking skills and extends vocabulary in a way that can't be done by only reading. For the Christian, writing can also become a ministry, so it brings glory to God to learn to write well. Quantity: In the first year, start with three-word sentences, increasing slowly until the child is writing about forty words during their Writing Lesson daily. Grade 2: minimum 60 words daily. Grade 3: minimum 80 words daily. Grade 4: minimum 100 words daily. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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Grade 5: minimum 140 words daily. Grade 6: minimum 180 words daily. Grade 7: minimum 220 words daily. Grade 8: minimum 300 words three times weekly. Grade 9: minimum 400 words three times weekly. Grade 10: minimum 500 words three times weekly. Grade 11/ 12: minimum 1000 words twice weekly. These amounts, although realistic for most children, are of course only a guide. A child who has not been used to regular writing tasks, or who has only had `fill in the blank' workbooks, will need to be eased into a writing schedule with lower word counts. However, do not let a child's personal `aversion' to writing excuse him from it. Instead, source materials that inspire and help make writing enjoyable, such as books of `story-starters', and get him some pen-friends. Types of Writing: What should the child be writing? A personalised writing programme can be as flexible as you like, but here is one possible way to organise your `lessons'. Primary Grades:
Monday - Writing Model. Tuesday - Poetry. Wednesday - Original Writing. Thursday - Summaries. Friday - Scripture application. In Grade 1, the child may only be able to do writing models (copied quality writing from a reader or evening-time family read-aloud book) and simple stories, so you might alternate these two forms of writing each day. Poetry might be introduced in Grade 2. Begin the lesson by reading poetry samples and talking about rhythm and rhyme. Instead of a word count, the size of poem a child is required to write could be indicated this way: Grade 2 - half page, Grade 3 to Grade 7 - full page, Grade 8 to Grade 10 - two pages, Grades 11 and 12 - three pages. Of course, quality is even more important than quantity. `Original Writing' means either a story the child has made up (creative writing), or an original article he has composed on a topic he knows about, such as "Ways of Raising Baby Chicks". From Grade 4, you might specify that writing models must be done using cursive, but the child may choose between cursive and printing for their other lessons. `Summaries', or note-taking, is a useful writing activity for upper primary children to learn. There are several ways to practise summary writing. One is a book report, where the child summarises the story plot. Otherwise, an encyclopaedia article on any suitable topic, 144
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or a biography, could be summarised. Make sure the articles are roughly three or four times the length of the child's required word count. The child is to first read the article, then write a summary of it keeping the main points. It takes practise to do summaries well, so give plenty of praise and encouragement for a good try. `Scripture Application' means letting the child choose a Bible verse to write on. He might quote the verse, then give its meaning in his own words, or some background to the verse. Based on what he believes the verse is teaching, he might then show how this teaching could be applied to his own life, or give a story situation that demonstrates an application of the Bible truth shown in the verse. Higher Grades:
Monday - Original Writing Tuesday - Poetry Wednesday - Original Writing Thursday - Summaries Friday - Scripture Topics In the higher grades, writing models should no longer be necessary to draw the child's attention to correct punctuation forms, paragraphing, concise expression, etc. Original Writing can now be focused; into short story writing, writing plays, and learning about essay style. Specific forms of poetry can be studied and practised. Summaries will actually be developing into essays (on history, on literature, etc), and may require considerable research. For this reason, fewer, but more elaborate writing tasks may be completed each week. Friday's Scripture Topics could take several forms. The student may continue the `verse applications' of earlier grades. He may try essays on Bible doctrine and theology. He might design a Bible Study course for juniors, or have a go at writing gospel tracts. Many Christian magazines welcome articles from readers, or he might write letters of spiritual encouragement to isolated missionaries or those suffering persecution for their Christian faith. You might decide to suspend the regular writing programme while your older student works on a single larger writing project, such as a Family Yearbook, a spiritual novel or devotional, a manual on constructing solar ovens, or a complete recipe book. Now, back to the Early Grades Schedule . . . *** 12:00noon 12:30pm 1:15pm 1:30pm
Child helps prepare lunch. Lunchtime. Child has Reading lesson with mother while older children do dishes. Or child draws while mother does dishes, then has Reading lesson. Quiet time for an hour. Look at a book or have a nap. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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2:30pm 3:30pm 4:30pm 5:30pm 6:00pm
7:00pm
Outside activities, creative play, garden work, etc. Child helps prepare evening meal. Child listens to tape, looks at books, draws, spends time with Daddy, does puzzles, etc. Evening meal. Evening devotions, Bible story, family read-aloud time. Because the readaloud books are the main way the child learns their history, geography, and some science, a brief follow-up activity may fit in here. For example, even a story for the fairly young, such as Baby Island by Carol Ryrie Brink could be reinforced with a look at a world map, plotting a likely course from San Francisco to Australia and noting the many islands in the Pacific Ocean on which the book characters may have landed. Bedtime routine.
Sample Homeschool Day for Middle Grades 6:30am 7:30am 9:00am
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Rise, dress, tidy bed etc. Children might choose to begin some of their schoolwork before breakfast (mine do!). Breakfast, followed by family devotions. Begin Maths while younger ones do dishes. Times table drill 5-10 minutes, workbook lesson about 40 minutes. Do self-scoring, or hand to parent for marking. Writing Lesson. (See Writing Guide, page 143.) Morning tea break. Weekly subjects such as Science, Grammar or a foreign language. Bookwork or `hands-on' activities like experiments, or tracing out plastic templates of different countries. Help prepare lunch or look after baby /toddler. Lunchtime. Do dishes, or take younger child for Reading lesson. Quiet time for an hour. Recreational reading, sketching, knitting, etc, on bed. Schoolwork corrections with parent (maths, writing, science, etc) and assistance given by parent where needed. Help prepare evening meal, other chores, or outside recreation. Work on project, activity with Dad, supervise younger ones or practise musical instrument. Evening meal. Copyright © 2004, 2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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6:00pm 7:30pm
Evening devotions. Do dishes or clean up toddler for bed while young ones are having stories. Family read-aloud time and discussion. Bedtime routine.
Sample Homeschool Day for Higher Grades 6:00am 7:30am 9:00am 10:45am 11:15am 12:00noon 12:30pm 1:15pm 2:30pm
3:30pm 4:30pm 5:30pm 6:00pm 7:30pm
Rise, dress, tidy bed, personal devotions. Might start on schoolwork. Breakfast, followed by family devotions. Maths or a business study, etc. Morning tea break. Might peg out washing. Writing. (See Writing Guide, page 143.) May use a word processor for writing projects while learning to touch-type. Help to prepare lunch, assist younger children, conduct some research or write a letter. Lunchtime. Reading, quiet activities. Help with younger children's corrections, or do further work on formal studies: more writing, biology, woodwork, correspondence course, sewing, design a hymn-singing programme, etc. Help prepare evening meal or outside recreation or chores. Work on project, activity with Dad, supervise young ones or practise musical instrument. Evening meal. Evening devotions. Read to little ones or help with an end-of-day tidy up. Family read-aloud and discussion. Bedtime routine and personal Bible study.
The routines suggested above are far from rigid or comprehensive; there is no timeslot mentioned for excursions, for example. But these outlines are offered because sometimes we need something to fall back on, or a fresh starting point. With this in mind, then, you could copy out the schedules above, adapting the times to reflect the hours at which you prefer to eat your meals, have your bedtimes, etc. You would do a separate schedule per child, plus one for yourself, adjusting them all when desired. Having a schedule to follow need not rob you of flexibility. In fact, having even a rough routine will help you see where you can be flexible without losing efficiency or being wasteful with time. This will give you a relaxed, yet productive day. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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CHAPTER 19
Some Resources and Contacts
Encouraging magazines to subscribe to: 1. "No Greater Joy" magazine 1000 Pearl Rd 148
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Pleasantville TN 37033 U.S.A. 2. "Above Rubies" magazine Australia: P.O. Box 1576, Broadbeach QLD 4218 New Zealand: P.O. Box 4232, Mount Maunganui 3. "Keepers At Home" magazine Australia: P.O. Box 5128 Gladstone QLD 4680 New Zealand: RD 3 Warkworth, New Zealand. 4. "Crowned With Silver" magazine P.O. Box 403 Masonville, CO 80541-0403 U.S.A. 5. "Homeschool Digest" magazine and "An Encouraging Word" magazine P.O. Box 374, Covert, MI 49043, U.S.A. , or Australia: P.O. Box 131, Orroroo S.A. 5431
Encouraging magazines for young ladies: 1. "Sisters" magazine C/O Miss A. Peffer `Vale Head' Molong NSW 2866 2. "Whatsoever" magazine `The Old Schoolhouse' 4183 New England Hwy Whittingham NSW 2330 Writing to the persecuted Church: Voice of the Martyrs, P.O. Box 250 Lawson NSW 2783 (ask for their "Advocates Pack")
Dr Raymond and Dorothy Moore see book "Better Late than Early" from their catalogue, available from The Moore Foundation, Inc Box 1, Camas, WA 98607 Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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U.S.A.
List of Christian Homeschooling Suppliers (Sources of curriculum and / or other resources such as character-building Christian storybooks.) 1. The Moore Foundation (see address above) 2. Homeschooling Supplies (Aust) Box 688, Werribee VIC 3030 3. Home School Favourites 58 George Rd, Wilberforce NSW 2756 4. Light Educational Ministries (LEM) P.O. Box 3284 Belconnen M.D.C ACT 2617 5. Ebenezer Books P.O. Box 639 Burpengary QLD 4505 6. Kingsley Educational Pty Ltd P.O. Box 310 Mount Waverley VIC 3149 7. Keepers of the Faith 404 South Mine Street Bessemer MI 49911 U.S.A. 8. Grace and Truth Books 3406 Summit Boulevard Sand Springs OK 74063 U.S.A. 9. Clay Book Store 2450 West Main Street, Ephrata PA 17522-8426 U.S.A. 10. Miller School Books 3295 W 600 S Topeka IN 46571 U.S.A. 11. Evergreen Books 1945 Evergreen Rd Peranga QLD 4352 12. Noah's Dove 1 Taplin Place, Camden South NSW 2570 13. Answers in Genesis 150
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P.O. Box 6302 Acacia Ridge D.C. QLD 4110 14. Inheritance Publications P.O. Box 1122 Kelmscott D.C. WA 6997 15. Gospel Mission, Inc P.O. Box 318 Choteau MT 59422 U.S.A. 16. Christian Liberty Press 502 W. Euclid Avenue Arlington Heights IL 60004 U.S.A. 17. Reformation Heritage Books 2919 Leonard Street, NE Grand Rapids MI 49525 U.S.A. 18. Pathway Bookstore 2580N 250W LaGrange IN 46761 U.S.A.
19. Institute in Basic Life Principles, Aust. 111 Mangans Road, Lilydale VIC 3140 20. Christian Light Publications P.O. Box 1212 Harrisonburg VA 22803 U.S.A. 21. Rod & Staff Publishers, Inc P.O. Box 3, 14193 Hwy 172 Crockett KY 41413-0003 U.S.A. 22. Pearables P.O. Box 272000 Fort Collins CO 80527 U.S.A. 23. Trinitarian Bible Society G.P.O. Box 777 Sydney NSW 2001 24.Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) P.O. Box 5470 Brendale QLD 4500 All those listed above sell direct to the public though some, such as supplier no. 19 and no. 24 require you to pay a registration fee in order to use their full programme. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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Many of the products from the overseas suppliers are available through Australian retailers, such as Ebenezer Books. It is far more convenient to purchase locally, but you may still benefit by obtaining a catalogue from the overseas supplier in order to have a fuller description and / or picture of the product under consideration. Child-training resources: 1. No Greater Joy Ministries (see address on page 213) 2. Book "What the Bible says About Child Training" by Richard Fugate. (available from Kingsley Educational, see address on page 150) Websites on home organising and cleaning: www.organizedhome.com www.cleanreport.com www.flylady.net www.heloise.com www.messies.com www.emiliebarnes.com www.shesintouch.com (see address on page 217)
‘Magazine’ Style Curriculum: “paces’ are supplied by ACE "light units" are supplied by Christian LightPublications "lifepacs" are supplied by Kingsley Educational List of Free or Low Cost Resources (free) Correspondence Bible Lessons for ages 4 to adult: Postal Sunday School Movement (PSSM) Mailbox Club Third Floor, "Sheffield House" 713 Hay Street Mall Perth WA 6000 (free) from Mt Zion Chapel Library, literature (tracts, booklets and paperbacks) tapes (sermons, stories on tape, etc) Bible School courses (easiest suits about 12 years old) Address:2603 W. Wright St Pensacola FL 32505 U.S.A. (free) Bible Studies (easiest suits about 12 years old) from Lamp and Light Publishers, Inc 26 Road 5577 152
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Farmington NM 87401 U.S.A. (free) Daily Devotionals for families: "Our Daily Bread", available from RBC Ministries South Pacific Ltd P.O. Box 3052 Mandurah East, WA 6210 "Beside the Still Waters", available from 270 Antioch Road Clarkson KY 42726 U.S.A. (free) 3 booklet set of "Leading Little Ones to God" by Marian M. Schoolland, supplied by Family Stations, Inc 290 Hegenberger Road Oakland CA 94621 U.S.A. U.S.A. (free) Tips on learning to write Christian literature: ask for subscription to "The Ready Writer" from Rod & Staff Publishers
(free) magazine on homeschooling, child-training, etc. "No Greater Joy" (see address on page 148) (free) Creation Science Info Pack: "Answers in Genesis Literature Packet" (see address on page 150) (free) Science newsletters "Creator" and "Hidden Treasures" (excellent) available from: His Creation P.O. Box 785 Arvada CO 80001-0785 U.S.A. (free) Social Studies newsletter for Christian children, "Link International", available from: Voice of the Martyrs (see address on page 149) (also available: free newsletter for adults, reporting on persecution of Christians worldwide) In all cases of resources on offer as a ministry (at no cost), the suppliers are usually delighted to receive donations from those who feel led of the Lord to give towards the support of their programmes. Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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Low Cost Curriculum: Looking at the element of cost alone, the Christian materials printed by the Amish publishers, such as Pathway Bookstore, compare extremely well with other materials. As an example, their grade 5 Vocabulary workbook can be bought for as little as $1.20 (US dollars) during their annual sale. In Australia, one of the most reasonably priced range of (secular) workbooks, texts and educational CDs / videos is available directly from: Jim Coroneos Publications P.O. Box 25 Rose Bay NSW 2029 Second-Hand Homeschooling Resources: 1. Ask your regular supplier if they have any `seconds' (returned goods, shop-soiled, etc) of the items you require. Some suppliers, like Rod & Staff, have an annual `Seconds' sale. 2. FHC (Families Honouring Christ) have a monthly newsletter in which many second-hand homeschooling resources are offered. It may also be possible to place a `wanted' ad. After one or two purchases, you will probably have recovered the $12.00 cost of an annual subscription. Address: Families Honouring Christ P.O. Box 310 Mount Waverley VIC 3149 3. Home School Favourites Monthly Sale Catalogue of second hand books, etc. See address on page 149. 4. Second-hand general Christian books Ask for catalogue of second-hand books from: Keswick Bookshop 1st Floor, Port Phillip Arcade 232 Flinders St Melbourne VIC 3000
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AFTERWORD
As outlined in the Introduction, the main purpose for this book is encouragement. This Copyright © 2004,2009 HomeschoolTraining.com.au
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author, however, does not have the monopoly on this very valuable Christian ministry, and she would like to take this opportunity to allow you, the reader, to add your own encouraging contributions to this little work. The resource listings in Chapter 19, for example, are necessarily incomplete, and can quickly become out of date. If, therefore, you believe any important omissions have been made, or some significant updating details should be added, please email me at
[email protected] . I would also be delighted if you would follow me at Twitter so that, as likeminded Christians, we can share strength by networking together: http://twitter.com/SueRumsley Finally, it is my prayer that you, the reader, have been encouraged in some measure by this book to strengthen your vision for the children who are in your care for so short a time. May you be enabled, in turn, to refresh the courage of those still struggling around you.
Your sister in Christ, Sue Rumsley.
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