#CDFragments XXVI. The in-between (part three)

XXXV. The in-between (part three) Dawn didn't know how long she had been sleeping. The first thing that caught her eye was Richard's wristwatch, then his arms on top of the suede jacket that he draped on her. It said 2AM. Then, she felt Richard pressing his cheek against hers. “Gising na,” he whispered. “Nandiyan na 'yung sundo mo.” She yawned, holding on to his arms and dragging him with her as she leaned forward to look out of the window. “Paano ----” “I called Vivian.” The mere mention of her manager's name was enough to wake Dawn up completely. She was still for a few moments, then letting his arms go, she ran her hands over her hair, then turned on her seat, left and right, searching for the hair clamp that got lost somewhere in between the many kisses she shared with Richard in the car that night. “Nasaan na ba 'yon?” She looked at him when the light went on. He was holding up the clamp with a smile on his face. He made her turn, her back facing him, and he combed through her hair a bit with his fingers (which made her close her eyes) before gathering a neat bunch and holding it together with the clamp. A kiss fell on her shoulder, then the side of her neck. She turned and met his eyes. He reached for her cheek and brought her face closer for a kiss. “I love you,” he whispered, straightening up to kiss her temple (near their 'identical mole') before pulling away. “Nasa kotse mo na 'yung mga gamit mo. Vivian just sent the driver, so you should be fine.” “Richard?” It was the first time that night that they stopped, the look that they shared asking for the same thing ---- what did it all mean, that night? Was her confession supposed to get them anywhere? Where were they headed?

She was scrambling her brain for answers, but he only asked, “You're taking a long weekend?” She stopped for a moment, as if it was a really tough question, but he looked calm, just waiting for her answer. “I have to attend a PTA meeting.” He nodded and smiled. “Get as much rest as you can.” “I will.” She wanted to tell him that he made her happy that night, that Logos Quiz, caramel sundae, and fries were perfect, as were his kisses. Her feelings were all over the place, but even with the tinge of nervousness over that second that she thought Vivian was there, her heart couldn't be lighter. It was silly, feeling like a teenager sneaking off to be with someone you loved. But perhaps that was part of Richard's effect on her, two decades ago, and now, still. Whatever was beyond that night seemed irrelevant. She reached for his hand as he turned to open the door to his side. When he looked back at her, she knew that unlike before, he was thinking about the consequences this time. Richard may be callous in a number of ways that she would easily point out to anyone, but she knew by his eyes that moment that he had the consequences in mind... for her sake. She didn't know what to tell him, so she just moved closer and wrapped her arms around his neck, a hand smoothing out the end of his hair. It took him a few seconds to respond to the embrace, but he did in his usual manner ---- his nose pressed on the base where her neck and shoulder met. “I love you,” he whispered for the nth time that night. She knew that he wasn't asking for anything more than the freedom to say those words. Even when she finally answered him earlier, there was no “Talaga?” nor any other probing. He just smiled and told her to settle back on the cushion of the car seat so she could be more comfortable. He just smiled because he had always known. He sighed as he pulled her even closer and she gave him a peck on the

cheek, and there was a slight sadness in the way he held her, as if soon someone was going to take her away from him. It's just for tonight... and the weekend, she thought of teasing, but let him be. It felt good to be held by him that way. She cupped his face in her hands and gave him a sound peck on the lips. “I love you,” she said with a smile, as if to let him know that it was fine. It was okay. They were okay. She rubbed the tip of her nose against his and he took a deep breath of relief, his hands on her hair. And then he allowed himself to smile, looking her in the eye. “Ilang araw din ----” “I'll see you in a few days.” “You better.” “I wouldn't miss it for the world.” He kissed her one last time and whispered, “Mahal na mahal kita,” in the same breath of two decades ago ---- when he first did in Batanes, through the many nights that they spent in bed, on instances when he was persuading her not to give up on him. That hint of desperation, as if he was clinging on it with fear in his heart that it was the last time that he was going to be able to say it. She wanted to ease his worries, but he had pulled away, unlocking the door. “Isuot mo na 'yung jacket ko,” he said. “Okay na ako.” “Malamig na sa labas.” “May blanket naman ako sa kotse.” He smiled. “Right, sorry.” “P... pero okay lang ba talaga na kunin ko?” He leaned forward and took the jacket from behind her. She couldn't help but kiss him on the cheek, if only to cheer him up. When he met her eyes, she winked at him and let him up the jacket on her.

He held her hand as they got out, but let go of it when they were walking across the street, where her car was. Her driver, who was busy chatting with his, went inside to start the engine. “Ingat ka,” he said, standing a couple of feet from her. He opened the sliding door and helped her get inside the car. Before she could even say anything else, he had closed it, ran to the driver's side. “Ingat sa pagda-drive, boss. Mahal 'yang nasa passengers' seat,” she heard him tell the driver. He walked back to his car as hers turned for the road. ~~~ That was the thing about guilt, she thought as she kissed her daughter's forehead. It would sneak up on her on quiet moments, when she was finally alone to think. She needed to move around, and before she could even wake her daughter up with her unease, she decided to get out of the room and found herself in the middle of the hallway, torn between going to the bedroom she shares with her husband and Jacobo's. She opted for the latter. Her eldest slept on the extreme left side of the bed, already out of the blanket. She laid on the empty space, taking Jacobo carefully in her arms, afraid that he would eventually fall off the side (always her worry, but it never happened, as if he knew in sleep that that was his the edge already). She kissed Jacobo's shoulder as she adjusted the blanket to cover both of them. The boy stirred a little, but only to move back closer to her. She allowed herself to smile, thinking about how she could already see how he would look in his teens. Has it really been seven years, she thought as she stroked his hair. Seven years. Oh, how time flew. How things almost changed. And how it all took a complete turn when she knew she was having him. ~~~

She was early at the coffee house, an untouched cup of Americano in front of her (which she just remembered she couldn't have). Seated at the couch tucked at the corner of the cafe, she still wore her sunglasses, hoping not to catch anyone's attention. She drove to General Santos City, a three-hour drive from Davao City, where she told Richard to meet her three weeks ago. She settled for reading a magazine as she waited, and it wasn' t long before she felt a familiar hand on her shoulder. She looked up and there stood Richard, smiling at her. He gave her a buss on the cheek before sitting on the opposite couch. “Kanina ka pa?” “Hindi naman.” She offered a smile. “Are you getting anything?” “I was thinking we go somewhere na may pagkain. 'Di pa ako nagla-lunch, eh.” “Okay, let's go,” she simply said, standing up. “You're not drinking this?” He remained seated, looking at the coffee she was leaving behind. “I realized I just had coffee sa bahay,” she lied. He smiled, taking the cup. He took a sip, then made a face. She couldn't help but giggle as he got out of the couch. He held her hand as he led her to the door, never mind the eyes that could catch them in the act. They drove to a Filipino restaurant nearby because he wanted to try fresh tuna. She went for the safe ---- fried tilapia ---- remembering her recent 'reaction' to raw fish. She forced a smile when he was insisting that she try the kilawin, pushing the plate back to his side, afraid that even the smell might send her off vomiting. “So... uhm...” she was trying to begin. “I already booked a flight,” he said after, taking a slice of tuna. “We'll be

spending a week sa Batanes, as I promised you. And then, I already arranged for a private plane to take us to Hong Kong. 'Di ba gusto mong magbakasyon sa Macau before we ----” “Babe?” He was still getting used to hearing her call him that again, after the years that had passed between them. He looked up, then his eyebrows met when he sensed her anxiousness. He reached for her hand across the table. “Dawn, it's going to be fine.” “Matatanggap mo pa rin ba ako if I have a baby?” The question took him by surprise, but knowing how she was ever mindful about her looks (and perhaps still stung by the bitter part of their history), he smiled. “Bakit, payag ka na ba na gumawa tayo ng isang basketball team... plus cheerleaders?” He gave her hand a little squeeze. “I really won't care kahit na lumobo ka pa, kahit umitim pa 'yang kili-kili mo. Besides, gusto ko na ring makita kang mataba, lalo na't alam kong anak natin 'yung ipagbubuntis mo.” Dawn looked out of the window. “Richard, you don't ----” “Understand what I'm getting into with you? I understand perfectly, my love. Ikaw ang kailangang sumagot: Mahal mo ba ako?” She sighed and met his eyes. “Mahal na mahal.” “Do you want to be with me?” She nodded. “Gusto mo bang sumama sa akin?” “Sasama ako sa'yo.” She said this with that sad half-smile that he knew from the many moments of hesitation in their relationship, the many times when she would confide that all she was certain about was the fact that she loved him. “What's wrong?” he asked, standing up to sit beside her.

She took a deep breath. “B... before we... go wherever, there's ---- I have something that I need to tell you.” ~~~ Jacobo turned around, still asleep, and Dawn drew him into an embrace, kissing his forehead. A lot of things had changed in seven years, and her son was the biggest reminder of it all. It was a long time before she finally got to meet him for the first time ---- a wait that involved injections, strict bed rest, and many kinds of pains that she had to bear. But when she first laid eyes on him, she had fallen in love. Suddenly, all the sacrifices that having him would required seemed all worth it. Life took a complete turn for her when he came along, and at last, her life no longer focused on just herself and her husband. She learned something everyday as Jacobo learned about the world with his many firsts, and as he grew, she was smitten, especially when he uttered his first word: Mama. But on idle moments, when the child was asleep by her side after a long day of nursery rhymes, a bit of crying, and eventually a whole lot of running around, she would find herself thinking about how things would've been if she demanded that Richard take her away, even with the growing baby inside her. If she had been crazy enough to set that as an ultimatum for him, after he had told her over and over that he was still in love with her, that he wanted her to run away with him. ~~~ It began with a movie offer she couldn't resist. When Vivian told her that Armida Siguion-Reyna wanted to meet with her for a project, Dawn no longer thought twice, asking her manager to immediately book her a flight to Manila and a week's stay at a hotel. Based in Davao and semi-retired from show business, it was quite something for her to do that with such urgency.

Tita Midz told her about the film, titled Filipinas, a family drama to which she, along with Dawn's friends Maricel Soriano and Aiko Melendez, had said yes. “I requested for you,” Tita Midz said, holding her hand. “We miss you around here.” “Tita, basta para sa'yo, you know I will do it.” The old lady smiled. “But there might be a problem...” “A problem?” “I also asked Richard to be part of the cast and he already said yes.” She hadn't seen her ex-boyfriend in years, their last conversation being some five years ago, when he had enough courage to call her in Davao to ask her for permission to get married. She would see him on TV every now and then, apparently now happy with his wife and a daughter. It would be awkward at first, she thought, but then it was a project that she just couldn't pass up. Besides, she and Richard had been over for many years. This she told Tita Midz, who clearly lit up when she said okay. “Ikaw na lang ang hinihintay ko,” she said with a smile. “Saka 'di bale, magkapatid naman kayo ni Richard dito.” They met again at the pre-production meeting and, as usual to both of them, they got over their awkwardness immediately, sitting together as if the years had kept them close. Idle time on the set gave them the opportunity to get to know each other once more, this time as the grown-ups neither of them thought they were capable of being. It fascinated her how he could gush endlessly about his daughter, clearly the love of his life, with funny anecdotes about burping her, or the first time he changed her diaper. For once, she didn't have much to share, and so she listened intently, trying not to remember that once, many years ago, she had thought that he would be talking like this about her child. Their child.

He was sensitive enough not to ask her about when she and her husband were planning to have their own kids, knowing from their distant past what her fertility condition was. Instead, he deliberately showed interest in her charity works, her newfound 'career' in bazaars, and her stories about how a city girl like her had settled in a hacienda. He also engaged her in talks of the kitchen, which eventually bound them closer that they were swapping recipes even by the end of filming. Richard had moved to GMA at the time, and after working with her again, he recommended her for some of the projects they had lined up for him, including the show “Forever in My Heart”, headlined by Regine Velasquez and the fantasy series “Encantadia”. It was a surprise to him when Dawn said yes. ~~~ They met at storycons and he watched how she was still the same actor that he had worked with for years. She was still made a conscious effort to get involved in roles and plots ---- something that the people she used to work with missed and the new talents could only marvel at. That was Dawn at her best, at her perfectionist mode. She had to know the motivation of her character, not just the lines. She needed to understand, no matter how small her part was, what was driving her character to do things that the script demanded. Comfortable with him once more, her gestures from the past also arose ---- how easy it was to make her laugh and the way she would touch his knee when he said something funny, how she would adjust the collar of his polo, how she wasn't afraid to offer him a spoonful or a bite of what she was eating, even when there were bystanders. It reminded him of how it used to be, of how she was his best friend, even when she was the love of his life. Clearly, time hasn't changed that. And so, after filming their part in “Forever...”, he asked her to come with him and his showbiz barkada on a just-the-boys-without-the-families vacation in Batangas. Once again, she took him by surprise and said yes. It was the band of brothers that she had known way back when they were still dating, so Dawn didn't really have a hard time being the only woman in the group. Anjo had invested in a beautiful resort tucked in the outskirts of Batangas City, where they willed the time by swimming, eating, and reminiscing about the past.

On their last night there, over booze and videoke, the barkada finally probed into what happened between Richard and Dawn. “Naku, ewan ko ba kasi dito,” she could only say, laughing as she took a swig from the bottle of beer. “Alam n'yo naman 'yang si Goma...” “Alam na alam!” the group said in unison, making Richard ---- his face already reddish because of the beer ---- blush even more. “Pero ito lang, Dawn, ha,” John Estrada butted in. “I just have to say this... Minahal ka niyan nang matindi.” “Oo nga, Dawn,” Anjo added. “Goma, natatandaan mo 'yung eksena mo sa creek?” “Pare, 'wag na nating pag-usapan,” Richard replied. It was the first time that she was hearing about it, so Dawn turned to Richard. “Anong eksena sa creek? 'yung sa tabi ng bahay mo?” “Haay naku, Dawn!” Anjo answered for his friend. “Tumawag kasi sa akin 'yan the night before na, 'Pare, inom tayo!' So dahil nga break na daw kayo at umalis ka na, naisip kong kailangan ng karamay. Pagdating ko, Dawn ---- ang bahay, parang dinaanan ng bagyo. May dala dala siyang box. Galing daw sa'yo. Pagtingin ko, aba, 'yung mga regalo na tinulungan ko pa siyang bilhin dati. Halata mong kaiiyak lang ng mokong. Sabi, tulungan ko daw siyang itapon lahat du'n sa tubig. “Siyempre ako pinipigilan ko kasi sayang... at umaasa naman ako no'n na magkakabalikan kayo. Pero bago pa ako makapagsalita, ayun, 'yung singsing na ibinigay niya sa'yo? Lumipad sa ere, papunta sa creek!” The men laughed, except for Richard, who was looking down. The conversation went elsewhere, and Dawn reached for his hand under the table. “Okay ka lang?” “Oo naman.” He smiled. “Gusto mo na bang matulog? Kasi matagal pa kami rito, lalasingin ko pa nang todo 'tong mga sira ulong 'to.” “Medyo. Puwede na ba akong ----” “Sure, sure.” He stood up and helped her out of her seat. “Oy, mga ungas,

ihahatid ko lang si Dawn sa cottage.” The men waved their good nights, then went back to talking about that basketball game at the Star Olympics when Robin punched Richard in the face. It was a bit of a long walk and they stood side by side in silence for a while, until she reached for him, looping her arm into his. “'Yun pala 'yung nangyari sa singsing...” she said. “Sayang din 'yun, ha.” He remained quiet and as they walked further, she saw the beach, bathe in moonlight. “Tara, doon tayo.” “Akala ko ba gusto mo nang matulog?” “'Di pa naman ako inaantok. Napansin ko lang na aasarin ka nila lalo kapag nag-stay ako doon.” So she dragged him to the shore and led him to where the sand was already wet. She let go of him and walked farther in the water, looking back at him with a smile. “Alam mo, ang ganda ganda mo pa rin,” he couldn't help but say as he stood there. “Kaya lang anong ginawa mo sa buhok mo?” “Naisip ko na mas madaling i-maintain, lalo na kapag busy sa bazaars.” She ran her finger through it. “Ayaw mo?” He walked over to where she was. “Hindi naman sa ayaw ko... Nakakapanibago lang.” “Nakakapanibago? Ang tagal na nating nagkakasama na ganito ang buhok ko.” “I've been meaning to ask you about it, pero laging wrong timing.” He smiled. “Pero seryoso ako, maganda ka pa rin.” She tapped his arm. “Salamat, kahit na feeling ko bola lang.” They went back to the dry part of the shore and he finally told her about what happened by the creek, as far as he could remember it. She laughed at the anecdote when he made three batches of pancakes, then stared at the piles for a whole hour, realizing that she was no longer home to eat them. He said he drove to the playground and gave it away.

The laughter died down and he hesitantly wrapped his arm around her. “Bakit ka nga ba umalis noon?” he asked. “Hindi mo talaga maalala?” “Ito ba 'yung... 'yung may model ----” “Christine.” “Oo. Pero 'di ba nag-usap naman tayo sa phone after nu'ng breakup? Natatandaan ko, tinanong kita kung mahal mo pa ako. Sabi mo, oo, tapos willing kang i-resolve 'yung problema.” “Tinanong kita kung nasaan na 'yung singsing. Sabi mo nawawala. Sabi ko, ibinigay mo na siguro sa iba. Sabi mo, 'Hindi, hindi, nawawala lang talaga!' Eh akala ko niloloko mo na naman ako, so umurong ako sa usapan natin...” “Tapos si Vivian lang ang ipinakausap mo sa akin.” “Dahil sigurado akong 'di kita matitiis kung nagkita tayo.” Their eyes met and he reached for her hair, smiling as he wove his fingers through it. Years had passed and misunderstandings laid between them, but neither of them could deny that there would always be something binding them together. And when they sealed their conversation with a kiss under the moon, they just knew the magic was still there. Nothing more happened that night, except that he took her to the cottages and kissed her forehead, then walked back to the rowdy boys at the bar. She tried to sleep, but couldn't, and found herself waiting for all of them to finally call it a night. It was past 3AM when they did, and Richard was too busy helping all of the drunken men to their rooms that he only noticed her sitting outside when he was on his way to his. “O, akala ko ----” “I couldn't sleep.”

“Is it because of the kiss? Look, I'm sorry kung ----” She went up to him and gave him a tight hug. Letting the ring of the booze take over him, he carried her inside the room, shutting the door with his foot, and laid her down the bed, kissing her deeply, but still ready to back off if she would push him away. But awashed with feelings, she didn't, her arms around his neck. His hands went to her waist, then ran up and down her torso. It went on for a while, their lips hungry for one another, their bodies locked in a tight embrace, but nothing more, even when she was already feeling his passion build up. At that point, he pulled away, his forehead pressed against hers, and told her, “I've missed you.” Before she could say anything back, he laid down and both of them stared at the ceiling. She turned, about to hug him, and he asked her not to and just give him a minute. Eventually, he met her eyes and smiled, wrapping his arm across her abdomen. He kissed her cheek and whispered that they should go to sleep. ~~~ He was no longer there when she woke up the next morning, the guilt over what happened beginning to take over. Of course he wasn't going to stay here, she thought. May asawa't anak siya, Dawn, at may asawa ka rin... She sighed and sat up, ready to pack her backs because they were going back to Manila that afternoon. But as she was making her way to the bathroom, the door swung open and Richard stood there with a grin on his face and a tray of breakfast in his hands. “Ay, gising ka na pala,” he said, pushing the door closed with his back. “What's that?” “Breakfast.” “Puwede naman akong pumunta sa dining area.” “Ako ang nagluto.” He put the tray on the table and walked up to her,

wrapping his arms around her and kissing her softly. “Good morning, beautiful.” All that while, Dawn just stood there, as if she couldn't believe that the 'magic' from last night hadn't worn off. Richard noticed this and unusually upbeat that morning, he took her face in his hands. “Sabi ko, good morning, ganda...” “Seryoso ka ba?” He chuckled. “Na maganda ka? Oo naman!” “No, I meant ----” He shut her up by kissing her again. He clearly wasn't taking any more of her questions, sweeping her off her feet. He carried her to the bed, and then placed the breakfast tray there. The breakfast of mornings past ---French toast, bacon, and eggs. He stood up and kissed her forehead. “Mag-ready ka na, we're leaving in an hour.” “I thought after lunch?” “May pupuntahan tayong dalawa.” He had asked her the previous night when she was flying back to Davao and only nodded when she replied that she intended to stay in Manila for one more week to catch up with friends. With what had happened, he thought of going on a long drive with her, if only to cap off their reunion on a good note. This he didn't tell her, even when they were packed up and set for the road. Dawn bid the barkada goodbye, promised to tag along again the next time she was in town, and then joined Richard inside the car. “Saan ba tayo pupunta?” she asked. He responded by turning on the radio, with Kenny Loggins' songs on the loop. He drove completely out of the way to take her to Nasugbu, at the Caleruega retreat house, where they ended up shortly before lunch. He didn't hold her hand as they took the many flights of stairs, as she marveled at the beautiful plants and trees surrounding the quiet place.

They went up first to the small chapel on top, where they sat alone, in front of a large wooden Christ. He handed her a small notepad and a pen. It was turned to the first page, which said: I still love you, Dawn. It's a feeling that never went away. ~~~ It was a declaration that changed everything. There was no use in denying it, he said, when they both knew that their hearts were still brimming with love for each other. He went back to his room when she had fallen asleep because the thought just bugged him. He was up all night thinking. “What are you trying to say, Richard?” she whispered, partly exasperated by his sudden confession. “I'm saying that I want to be with you.” He held her hand in both of his. “I know I did you wrong in the past. That you probably think that this is wrong. Pero hindi ka naman sasama sa akin if you're not feeling the same way for me, right?” She didn't reply. “Sinasabi ko na sa'yo ngayon dahil alam kong kapag nanahimik ako, I will regret that I didn't take this chance to tell you that I love you. Mahal na mahal kita, Dawn. Pinigilan ko, sa mga buwan na nagkasama tayo... and I asked you to come with us on this trip because I wanted to prove my heart wrong. “Pero hindi... and I really can't deny how I feel for you. So, come away with me. Let me make it up to you. Let me make you happy.” “Richard, may asawa na ako. I am happy.” “Not as happy as I know you can be with me. Marami nang nagbago, Dawn, at alam ko na this time, kaya na kitang mahalin nang buong buo.”

“Naririnig mo ba ang sarili mo, Richard? May asawa't anak ka!” “Pero ikaw ang mahal ko...” He moved closer and held her face in his hands. “Ikaw lang ang talagang minahal ko. Alam Niya...” She moved her face away from his touch. “'Wag mo nang idamay ang Diyos sa kalokohan mo, Richard.” “Hindi naman kita dadalhin dito kung nagloloko ako.” He sighed. “Think about it. I'll give you all the time that you need. Basta tatandaan mo lang na mahal na mahal kita.” He looked her dead in the eye. “Kapag sumama ka sa akin, alam kong mapapanindigan ko na 'yung dati.” A hand on her cheek. “Do you still remember? 'It's us, love ---- you and I'?” ~~~ Just like how he waited for her answer, he let her take her time to tell him whatever it was that she needed to say. All the while, he held her hand and kept his eyes on her face, hoping to read her thoughts, which he still could have a hard time doing. Eventually she turned to face him, tears pooling in her eyes. “Gustong gusto kong sumama sa'yo,” she said softly. He sighed and smiled. “Is that it? Don't scare me ----” “But I'm pregnant.” It was his turn to shut up. Unable to finish their meal, and careful not to drag the conversation on in public, he told her that they should go to the car instead so they could talk in private. He no longer held her hand, walking ahead, and then getting inside the car, leaving her to open the door for herself. “Ilang buwan na?” he asked when she got inside, as he was putting the cover on the front window of the car. “Six weeks. Sabi ng doktor, I need bed rest, pero I'm allowed to travel naman so kung kaya na nating ----”

“I can't do this, Dawn,” he finally said. Her heart sank and this time, she could no longer help her tears from falling. “But you said...” “Dawn, buntis ka. With someone else's child. I waited for you for two months. Tapos all this while, nagpapagalaw ka pa rin sa kaniya?” “'Wag mo akong pagsalitaan na parang ang dumi dumi ko, Richard,” she said, wiping her tears as her anger was building up. “Ikaw lang naman ang sumulpot sa buhay ko, making all of those promises! You've melted my resolve, made me hope na this time, kaya mo na talaga akong mahalin. Kasasabi mo lang, anything I tell you, matatanggap mo. Pero ----” “Dahil hindi ko anak 'yan!” He wanted to say more, to make her understand that he couldn't possibly take her and the baby away from the father, because he understood how it felt to have his own child. He could imagine how it must feel to have a child taken away from him. He couldn't articulate himself well, though, not when he felt that every hope he had of starting over had crushed under his feet. He looked over at her and saw her struggle to keep her tears in check. “Ihahatid na kita” was all he could say. It was a three-hour drive punctuated by silence. He was ready to pull over at any time, should she finally give in to her tears. But the great actor that she was, there were just drops here and there, but never a sob, never a sigh. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, to apologize for what he had said, to explain that he didn't have the heart to take her and her baby away, that it was the one thing that he couldn't possibly imagine himself doing. It was almost dusk when they made it back to Davao and she told him to just pull over, that she could get home by herself in a taxi. But he disagreed, and drove her all the way to the hacienda of her husband's family. He parked a block away from the gate, and they sat there in silence, not knowing how exactly to close this failed chapter of their relationship. He wanted to hold her, to say that he was sorry for stressing her out, for hurting her once more.

“Thanks for the ride,” she managed to say in a soft voice that was straining with pent-up tears. She unlocked the door and deliberately laid her free hand on the side of her seat, waiting for him to hold it, to stop her even for just a few moments, to comfort her. But the touch didn't come, and when she turned to face him one last time, he could only say, “Ingat ka.” She nodded, forcing a smile, and got out of the car as fast as she could. He no longer waited until she was at the gate, turning the car around and speeding off. ~~~ Dawn found herself in tears, no matter how she tried to stop it, in fear that she would wake her son up. She held him in her arms tighter, turning her face to the pillow so she could stop from sniffing. But the tears just kept on coming, and soon enough, Jacobo turned around, his sleepy eyes suddenly alert because of the sadness in his mom's face. “Mama,” he said, his little hand reached for hers, and then for her face. That did it for Dawn, finally driving her to a sob, her chest heaving with all the pent-up feelings that she had been holding on to all these years. “Mama, what's wrong?” “Wala, anak,” she managed to say, turning to the little hand on her face and kissing Jacobo's palm. “Mama just missed you very much.” “But I'm here, Mama.” He smiled and kisssed her on the cheek. “You stay here with me so you will stop being sad, okay?” Dawn nodded, smiling back at her firstborn. She ran her fingers through his hair. “I love you, anak,” she said as she willed her tears to stop, pulling Jacobo for a hug. “You'll always remember that, ha? Mama loves you. Very, very much.