#CDFragments XXII. Confession

XXII. Confession They fell into an awkward silence after that kiss. Well, they no longer had the chance to talk, really. Vivian had apparently whisked Dawn away when she got out of the bedroom, thinking that the bewildered look on her face was just exhaustion. Richard came out of the bathroom minutes after they left, and as he drove home, he tried reaching Dawn's number a few times, but she kept on rejecting his calls, and eventually must've turned her phone off. Somehow he got the clue. Which was only confirmed when he saw her on the set the next night. She was talking to Coco and Melissa when he arrived, and in an instant her expression changed, her mood he knew suddenly heavy. He was still able to give her the usual peck on the cheek, but could tell that she was deliberately not talking to him, even when they were compelled to sit beside one another as they waited for their scene. Her restlessness persisted the day after, when the wedding and honeymoon episode would air. He found her alone inside the tent that morning, walking back and forth, and then looking up when the door opened ---- her eyes wide, her lips pursed. "Hi," he said. She gave him a half-smile. He would've wanted to talk to her, to tell her that he didn't see anything wrong with what happened, to lessen the guilt she was feeling. But, really, how do you find the words to explain a kiss that got you that carried away? What happened was out of impulse and feelings, he thought, and he wouldn't apologize for it. It felt right that that point. Besides, she didn't say anything, didn't push him away ---- he knew that she could, because even in moments when she was terrified, Dawn was the kind of person who could say, "No, ayoko." But she answered my kiss that night, he told himself. Surely she was down for the moment, too. He felt that he was right, but Richard still decided to be careful around his onscreen partner for the next two days, giving her as much space as he thought was necessary. He avoided going inside the tent, where she

preferred to be, opting instead to sit outside talking to other cast members and the crew. He would sit just in front of the tent in the hope that she would, in her own time, look for him, and decide that she wants to talk to him again. That was, until visitors came to surprise. One in particular. ~~~ Dawn got out of the tent to have lunch with the team, her hair still in a ponytail. She sat at the corner of the long table, somehow waiting for Richard to serve her lunch, as he usually did. But minutes passed and her leading man was nowhere in sight. Vivian found her instead. "O, bakit hindi ka pa kumakain?" the manager asked, a plate in hand. "Ito na sa'yo, o." "Si Goma?" The response she got was ever cool, but having known each other for a long time, Dawn still noticed that slight flinch on Vivian's face. "Ah, may kausap lang sa loob," the manager said, catching herself from stammering. "May dumating na mga visitors." She placed the plate on the table. "Kumain ka na para makapagpa-make up na." She barely touched her food, looking around from time to time for Richard, who remained inside the set with the visitors. She caught some of the older crew pooling by the entrance near the table, and heard tidbits of their conversation ---- "Lucille? From Richard loves Lucy days?" "Oo, that Lucille!" She caught the knowing looks. Her curiosity piqued, she excused herself from the table. "Hindi ka pa nagbe-breakfast, ha?" Vivian said. "I'm okay. I'll eat later," she replied. "Si Goma? I just want to run through the upcoming scene with him." For a second, Vivian hesitated, then pointed at the entrance. "Nasa sala, I think. Why don't you go right ahead to make-up and ako na lang ang tatawag?"

"Bakit, sino ba 'yung bisita?" Dawn walked inside the house they were shooting in and found Richard standing in the middle of the sala, flocked and laughing with women who were taking turns in having their photo taken with him. She hadn't met Lucille before, but easily spotted (or assumed) who she was. Petite, made taller by her black pumps, light brown hair in a bob, faded jeans and a strapless cream floral top worn under a black blazer. She held the camera to take photos of everyone, patiently saying (Dawn noted the the raspy voice and the slight twang) "Ready: one, two, ---- O, smile naman!" to her companions. She didn't ask anyone to take the camera for her turn. "O, ikaw, Lucs?" Dawn heard Richard ask. "Do I still need that?" the woman replied, teasing. "And that nickname still sticks, ha?" "Of course! It's cute. St. Lucs!" Lucille punched his arm playfully. Upon the urging of the older women who came with her, she stood beside Richard (in heels, she was an inch short of his shoulders), her arm around his waist. He pulled her tight to him, his hand cupping the curvy edge of her shoulder. That stroke of his thumb that Dawn knew he used only to women he was intimate with. "A little meaty na, I see," she remarked after a shot was taken, turning to the woman holding the camera. "Tumaba si Richard, 'no, Ma?" "Pareho lang kayo!" the older woman said, laughing. "Looks good, though." Lucille looked up at Richard. "Bagay nga sa'yo." There was something about Richard's smile, a gentle look in his eyes that Dawn knew from moments when he would stare into hers. Over the past few weeks, she just didn't realize that he could look at another woman the way he had been looking at her. Richard turned to the door as they laughed and saw her, bringing a slight

drop to his smile. "O, there you are!" he said, catching himself in time, letting Lucille go. He walked to where Dawn remained standing, even when she realized that her hair and her face were "un-made up", and snatched her wrist, leading her to the middle of the space. "This is my friend, Lucille," he said. "And her beautiful mom. And gorgeous aunts!" The older women smiled like teenagers. Lucille, who seemed to be barely at her 30s, took Dawn's hand into both of hers, shaking it firmly. "Lucille." What seemed to be a genuinely sweet smile. Perfect row of small teeth, just enough for her small, round face, Dawn thought. "She's even beautiful in person, Richard," the woman said as she let Dawn's hand go. "You've seen me ----" "Richard's collection. You know, what he kept in the basement." Dawn turned to her leading man, who she caught giving Lucille a look. "You guys want to have a photo taken with Dawn?" he asked instead and the older women collectively said yes. "Ay, hindi pa ako nakaayos!" Dawn said, giggling, quite embarrassed that the thought just hit her. "Mga mommy, are you going to stick around long? Magpapa-make up lang po ako." The older women all nodded graciously, and Lucille said, "Ako rin, ha?" to which Dawn answered with a smile. "Excuse me po muna," she said. "Do you want me to come with you?" Richard asked. "I can walk," Dawn managed to say in her normal, cheerful way. "Just come to the tent when you're free kasi we have to discuss the scene." ~~~ The stylist was almost done straightening Dawn's hair with a ceramic flat iron when the actress looked at her manager through the mirror. "Viv?"

"Yes, mare?" "That girl in the sala. Lucille?" She noticed how both Vivian and the stylist stopped. "She's nice, 'no? Have you met her?" "Uhm, we were introduced." "Sabi niya mas maganda daw ako sa personal. Apparently itinago naman ni Goma 'yung ibang photos ko when we were still together." "Baka naikuwento ka rin du'n sa tao." Dawn looked up the mirror, to the stylist. "May, you know that girl?" "Y... yes, Ms. Dawn. Kasabay kong pumasok sa network 'yun." "O, bakit ganiyan ang itsura mo? Pati ikaw, Viv?" "Naku, Ms. Dawn, baka hindi n'yo naman po magustuhan..." the stylist couldn't help but say. "I overheard 'yung older crew..." Dawn could tell that Vivian was struggling with her words. "Dati daw siyang... Lucille daw was..." "Babae po ni Sir Richard," the stylist finished for them. Vivian looked like she wanted to punch the stylist. Dawn nodded, gave a slight smile. "Down lang naman ang hair ko for the scene, 'di ba?" she said, diverting the conversation. ~~~ They were going to shoot three scenes that night, mostly depicting downtime for Marco and Emily, so Richard didn't feel the need to talk over the scene. He enjoyed talking to Lucille, who he hasn't seen in 10 years, and only went to the tent when he had to get dressed. Dawn was no longer there, which to him was a bit of a relief. At that point, he didn't really want to explain, didn't want to talk things through, as he expected they would if he ended up inside the tent alone with her.

Then again, he didn't feel the need to explain who Lucille was to him. Their first scene would happen at the dining area, where their characters would discuss Katerina's struggles, the strength she found in Daniel, and Nathan's condition. It was a short exchange, and having gone through his lines earlier that day, Richard knew that he had it in the bag. He trusted, of course, that Dawn felt the same way. He found Dawn already seated at the dining table, where two teacups with saucers and a teapot were placed in front of their seats. He took his place at the end of the table, beside her, and saw that worried look in her eyes. He honestly thought that she was just internalizing. She was fine in the first exchanges of lines, and then somehow couldn't find her words. They barely made it through the second take when she said, "Sorry, sorry, Direk," with a sigh. It prompted Richard to call on one of the PAs to come over with a copy of the script. It normally didn't happen to his leading lady, who was quite a perfectionist, and he could tell that she was starting to get pissed, mostly with herself, over forgetting her lines on such an easy scene. When the cameras started rolling for the third time, Richard ---- back in character as Marco ---- cocked his head to the side, looking at Dawn. "Bakit?" "Hindi pa rin kasi naniniwala si Daniel na patay na si Miguel," she said as Emily. "Pati tuloy ako, nagdududa na rin." Richard was just supposed to hold Dawn's hand and kiss it before the scene ends, but he decided to do something spontaneous, to stand and hug her. It caught Dawn off-guard, but the worried look on her face easily masked it. "Emily, makinig ka sa'kin ha? Tatlong beses tinamaan si Miguel sa dibdib at isa doon tumama sa puso niya. Siguradong patay na 'yon, patay na patay na si Miguel." He reached for her hair, running his fingers through it slightly, and pulled her close. It was the only time in the past two days that he got to hold her close, and when he felt her hand on his back, he was almost relieved.

He would talk to her after the break, he decided, as Dawn was taken upstairs for another scene. ~~~ Richard found Dawn in her robe, mulling over the script, when he went inside the tent. "O, 'yung next scene, tig-isang linya lang naman tayo," he teased, taking a seat beside her. She refused to look up, as if she didn't hear him. He reached for her hand. "Okay ka lang?" "Sinabi ko sa'yo pumunta ka dito so we can discuss the scene, 'di ba?" "Napasarap ng kuwentuhan eh. Saka alam ko namang mani mani lang sa'yo 'yung mga ganu'ng eksena. Ano bang nangyari?" "Alam mo na ngang nagkakamali ako, nagsingit ka pa ng impromptu move." He sighed. "Lagi naman nating ginagawa 'yung ganu'n, ah." She finally looked at him. "Pero pinag-uusapan natin!" she said. "Ang hirap sa'yo, inuuna mo 'yang babae mo." Her tone he could easily credit to frustration, but he knew that it surprised her that such an accusation slipped out of her lips. He tried to make a quick recovery, wondering how she knew. "Babae?! Sino?" "'yung Lucille!" "Si Lucille? Hindi ko babae 'yon!" "Talaga?! So lahat ng mga tingin sa inyo ng tao kanina, wala lang 'yon? 'yung mga nakasama mo sa sit-com n'yo ng asawa mo? People have been gossiping all day because of the two of you! And don't even get me started on your gestures towards her. I read you like a book, Richard, kaya ----" A part of Richard wanted to laugh at her reaction, at the situation, and he

gave in. "Teka nga, bakit ba affected na affected ka?" Silence on her part. He laid a hand on her shoulder, which she stubbornly shrugged off. He did it again anyway. "Una, I just want to state for the record na simula nang pakasalan ko ang asawa ko, never na ako'ng mambabae. Ikalawa..." He turned her face to him with his hand under her chin. "Ano naman sa'yo kung totoo? Hindi naman ikaw ang niloko ko, 'di ----" She threw one of the lipsticks at him, and the way her eyebrows met told Richard that she was already seething. He didn't really have the patience for that either, and thought countering her anger with his own would shield her from the truth. And so he stood. "Bakit, Dawn?! Kung makaasta ka, parang ikaw ang asawa ko, ha!" He was sure she didn't have any response to that. One of the PAs knocked at the door, calling them for the next take, and he yelled that they would be right out. He lowered his voice. "Ano?!" "Alam mo, some of my friends had a hard time believing that you were going to be any good in marriage. It was such a relief to finally be able to say, 'Naku, si Goma, hindi na 'yon gano'n.' Na hindi mo gagawin sa asawa mo ang ginawa mo sa akin noon." There it flashed in her eyes, the hurt that remained even after many years. It was true, he had found a lawyer in her when it came to people who didn't believe that he could actually settle down. She had told him and Lucy time and time again how happy she was that he could stay in a lasting relationship without frills. He had asked Lucy not to tell Dawn ---- or anyone who wasn't privy to the affair ---- about anything, which his wife also thought was for the best. Standing there inside the tent that felt suddenly cramped, he knew there was a reason for their hiding that little secret. It was his turn to be speechless and the second knock on the door prompted Dawn to walk away. But he caught her by the wrist. "Dawn," he said beseechingly, turning her to face him. "I just have one question," she said softly and he knew she was fighting her tears. "That... affair. It's over, right?"

He nodded, his head bent. "Yes," he answered, meeting her gaze. "It's over." He watched her walk away, shutting the door behind her. ~~~ Richard could never get used to the fact that he could never get used to Dawn. He came home late, quietly opening the gate thinking that she was already asleep. He knew he smelled of booze and another woman's perfume, so it was a relief to see that the lights were already off, except for a lamp that one of them would leave lit until the other was home. The front door was locked ---- another relief ---- and he carefully stepped inside, shutting it behind him. He was putting the keys on the hook behind the door (so he could find it easily on his way out of the house) when he heard her say hi. He turned and saw her lying on the couch, her head propped up on her elbow. She was wearing a short, short lacy dress (it was a piece of lingerie) that rode up her thigh. She had her heels on. She was wearing make-up. He couldn't help but smirk. Just my luck, he thought as he approached. "Gising ka pa pala," he said, bending to kiss her. He didn't feel her flinch into the kiss, which only excited him. "Anong meron?" "Wala, I just missed you," she said in a low voice, her hand slowly unbuttoning his polo. "Saan ka ba galing?" "Disco," he admitted. "Okay lang ----" She had pulled him into a heavy kissing episode, to which he was only too glad to oblige. His hands were all over her, his lips hungry for everything she could give. He had missed this, missed her and her scent. This is a sweet surprise to come home to, he thought as she pushed him down, her lips still on his. They fell on the carpet, with her on top of him. He felt her pulling away and he held on a bunch of her hair. "I want you," he said, breathless, staring into her eyes. He was surging forward to kiss her again when she asked, "Really?" in

return. "Y... yes. Of course, Love." "So bakit kailangan mo pa sa kaniya matulog kagabi?" Seeing her eyes for the first time that night, it hit him ---eyes softened at the sight of him no matter how hard she otherwise, the pain that hid beneath it. Of course she knew. known of his ways, but tolerated, compensated. He felt the booze fading.

the way her tried to look She's always effect of the

"Tell me, babe. Did I do it right? Tama ba 'yung make-up ko?" A tear fell, smudging her mascara. "Is the lingerie slutty enough? How about the heels? Maganda na ba ako, ha? Tell me: How does she do it? Kasi baka puwede ko namang matutunan. Baka naman puwede nating i-negotiate. Para 'di ka na mahirapan going to and fro, and hiding." "Dawn..." "This isn't me, Richard!" Her voice finally breaking as tears cascaded down her cheek. "Pero binabago ko naman ang sarili ko para sa'yo, eh. Kung kailangan kong mag-lessons under her, watching how she does her thing, I would." "Love, please..." "Mahirap marinig? Akala mo hindi ko alam? Nagpapakatanga ako kasi mahal kita... I don't know, I can't decide if this is it, pero sana mag-isip ka rin if you still want me around. And if you do, you have to decide not to break my heart. Hindi ka madaling pakisamahan, pero lahat tinitiis ko. So if you can make this small sacrifice for me ---- for us ---- and give her, them, all up... 'yun lang." She stood up, almost tripping, and grabbed a small box bearing Rolex from the table. "Happy anniversary, babe," she said, trying to smile, before running to the bedroom, and locking the door. ~~~

Lucille found Richard sitting alone at the gate of the house they were shooting in that day. Her group had spent most of the day on the set and her aunts were getting tired. "Hey," she said, which made him look up with a slight smile. "A penny for your thoughts?" "Alam na ni Dawn," he said softly. "Ang bilis naman." She laid a hand on his shoulder. "Kaya ka ba nagkakaganiyan?" "Nagkakaganiyan?" "Nakakatanda ang pagsimangot, Mr. Gomez," she said. "Mahal mo pa rin?" "Kung hindi ka tatakas pa-Amerika agad, we can meet over lunch because it's a long story." "I think it's just a short thing to discuss ---- mahal mo o hindi." "Wala talagang gray matter sa'yo, 'no?" Lucille smiled. "I'm just trying to make things easier for you." She saw Dawn emerge from the house, walking to the buffet table. "I've caught the show a few times and I see you both haven't lost your touch." "She will always be special to me. You know that." "Don't act on it, though," she said, teasing, tapping Richard's hand. "She's too good for you." ~~~ Despite her outburst in their tent, Dawn still showed up outside in time for Walang Hanggan. The crew had gathered around the TV placed in the sala of their set, sitting or standing up, the couch reserved for the cast. Richard was already seated, a throw pillow by his side, keeping her slot. He visibly lit up when he saw her, and reaching for her hand, guided her to her seat. Everyone was giddy as the recap of the past episode started rolling. Well,

everyone except Dawn, who sat in silence, her hand rolled in a fist, her nails digging into her palm. It was nervewracking, really, especially because she knew her husband would be home in time for the show. Richard tried not to mind her, but could see that there were moments when she would look away from the TV and into her phone instead, browsing through nothing in particular, feigning busy-ness. When their reminiscing scene came up, she was already playing Logos Quiz. He snatched her hand, which he sandwiched into both of his. "Watch." She looked at him, and then on the screen. She felt him lean closer. "Anong episode ng relationship natin ang iniisip mo diyan?" he whispered, but didn't really wait for an answer. "Ako, 'yung birthday mo na naglasing ka. Natatandaan mo 'yon?" She smiled. "Natatandaan mo pa 'yon?" "Oo naman, how could I forget?" Dawn smiled, but Richard could still feel that she was tense. Out of habit from 20 years ago, he rested the back of his hand on his lap, Dawn's hand clasped in it, his thumb rubbing her fingers alternately. It was almost second-nature that he didn't realize it until he caught her staring at him. He heard the string music play, signaling the wedding, and he pointed at the TV with his lips. They both turned to the screen and watched as Dawn and Coco came on the aisle as Emily and Daniel. Richard wanted to laugh at how he couldn't mask that look on his face, but even when he had seen it in person, he was still in awe of Dawn's beauty that day. It was nice to see it once again ---- how she kept her smile as she walked towards him. The wedding ritual was short, of course, and the crew and other cast members broke into their kilig-loaded cheer when Emily and Marco were pronounced husband and wife. Amazed at the reaction of the people around them, Richard didn't realize that Dawn's free hand had snaked around his arm, holding on tight. He turned to her and smiled, giving her hand a squeeze.

"You may kiss the bride," the priest said on TV, and he moved to a side as Dawn was inching behind to hide. "Panoorin mo!" he said, pulling her into his arms. "Ayan na!" "'wag mo nga akong pakabahin!" she replied, making the staff laugh. She was about to look down as their onscreen faces closed the gap. Richard held her by the forehead. "You have to see it!" "Talagang sa noo ko, ha!" "Para wala kang takas." And yes, both of them show the slow-mo version of the first kiss. Dawn was somewhat relieved that the director panned away from Richard when he asked her that day for "One more?" which she readily obliged to. Dawn's heart started beating faster when she and Richard appeared on screen in their honeymoon mode. She was about to stand up but he anchored her down, his hand gripping her shoulder. His free hand held hers, massaging her palm. There were just a few lines and before they knew it, the staff was squealing once again for the kiss. A squeal for every kiss, they found, especially from the girls, who blessed every shot with "OMG! OMG!" Both of them watched in silence, both wary of that frame when they really kissed in bed. Dawn held her breath when Marco's lips fell on Emily's nose, and she and Richard heard each other sigh in relief when the next shot showed him kissing her neck instead. It was short and sweet, tastefully done, and save for the kisses, Dawn knew that she was safe. She made a mental note to thank the director for it. They still held hands until after watching the honeymoon scene, alternately gazing at each other but consciously avoiding meeting eyes. It was a successful scene, they were both thinking, and holding hands seemed only right. ~~~ Dawn and Vivian were packing their things in the tent when Richard

peeked through the door. "Hi, Viv. Puwedeng mahiram ang alaga mo?" he asked. "Para saan?" "Usap lang. If it's okay with her." Vivian looked at Dawn, giving a slight nod to where Richard was. Holding a scarf, the latter walked out of the room, and accepted Richard's hand as he led her to the stone stairs on the side. He took his jacket off, spreading it on the cold step. "You asked me earlier if my affair with Lucille is over," he started out of the blue when they were both seated. "It has been, matagal na ---- more than 10 years." "Talagang kapareho pa halos ng pangalan ng asawa mo ha," she replied, interrupting him. "Ano, para 'di ka malito?" He shrugged off that tinge of sarcasm in her voice and laughed. "Nagkataon lang. Hindi naman mapipigilan 'yon kapag napasubo ka na, eh." "She certainly doesn't seem to be your type." "By then I would've grabbed on anything," he confessed. "She was a new hire. Maganda, mabait... quick-witted and one of the boys, parang ikaw." He smiled, looking afar. "Batang bata eh, adventurous. I felt at the time when Juliana came that... you know ---- I mean, I adore my daughter. From the moment she came into my life I was sure na siya ang babaeng hinding hindi ko hahayaang mawala..." She sat there, listening intently as he told her about how he felt everything was happening so fast, even when they had nine months to prepare for Juliana. How he felt it was all about the baby, especially with Lucy, who was just gushing over their daughter and determined to really be a hands-on mother. It had resulted in a couple of fights, but he couldn't really blame her for paying attention to the one little person who completed her somehow. At the time, he found a friend in Lucille ---- a fresh graduate who wanted to find her niche in directing. Of course she started as a production

assistant, a task that he thought she carried on with so much vigor and enthusiasm. "She was just that kind of girl," he said, looking at Dawn. "And she was there. For her, I was present, I was right there." He told Dawn about how it all began, when Lucille invited him to a road trip she was taking with her cousins to their grandparents' house in Pangasinan. At the time, he had already told her about the fights he and Lucy were having, and the younger one suggested that he needed to take a break. It was quite a timing that Lucy was taking Juliana with her to Ormoc for the first time. "That night, I was just outside, sa garden nila... She found me, then we got to talking. I felt na it's been a while since someone really listened to me. She said she was sleepy, so hinatid ko sa kuwarto niya, at this lonely corner sa corridor, and then, as I like saying about kissing women, it just happened." He confided how hungry he was for her, how she helped changed his outlook. He could go home and pick up his daughter, and adore her despite the fits in the middle of the night. As long as he was with Lucille, he was sane enough to tolerate not having his wife's attention on him all the time. When Lucille was around, he felt freer, lighter, valued. And it wasn't just about the sex. It was having that weird connection with someone you never thought would even be a part of your life. "How long did it last?" Dawn asked. "A year din. Lucy found out, but never made a scene. She just invited Lucille to have merienda at our house and told her that she knew what was going on. Lucille said Lucy simply asked her not to ruin our family." "And Lucille..." "Lucille finally migrated to Canada, where her parents were based. That's where she lives na with her husband and three kids." "Three kids. She doesn't look like it." "There are a lot of things about Lucille that doesn't seem to be like her."

The way Richard smiled when he talked about Lucille struck a chord at Dawn's heart, prompting her to ask: "Goms, sa lahat ng naging... sideline mo... Was there ever someone who you fell in love with?" "'Yan, si Lucille," he was quick to answer. "I never thought na I would fall head over heels for her, but I did. She was just ---- cowboy kasi, madaling kasama sa lakad, hindi maarte. Parang ikaw nga. Masarap kausap, as in minsan nakahiga lang kami tapos wala, talk until madaling araw. Natatawa nga siya kasi kapag nagigising kami, nakadamit pa kami. She would say, I can't be tagged a mistress kasi 'di naman tayo naggagalawan." "What happened?" "She found out, a while before Lucy did, and she just... Wala, ayaw niya. Sabi ba naman sa akin, 'I thought malinaw sa'yo na escape lang 'yon? I'm just helping you get over yourself until you can be man enough to be a father.' No wonder she handed me all those new-dad, self-help books. "She told me that if I insisted on my feelings, we would have to break up. She didn't want Juliana growing up knowing that she tore my and her mom's marriage apart." Dawn didn't know what to say after that. It was quite a different story ---Richard falling in love with somebody else that didn't quite fit the mold he had perfected in the past. She suddenly understood the affection that easily came out of him when Lucille was around that day. Just watching how he talked about her, she knew that woman was quite special. It was Richard who broke the silence. "But if you're asking about the girls during your time, wala... Sigurado ako noon na ikaw ang mahal ko." "Eh bakit maloko ka noon?" she asked, scrunching her nose. "Ang daming sidelines!" "You have to admit, the first year we were dating, wala talaga." "Malay ko ba if you were just warming up for it." She started playing with her fingers, pushing the cuticles of her nails down. "Was I not enough after the first year?" He held her hand, smiled. "More than enough. Kaya nga siguro natakot ako." "Natakot? Ikaw?"

"Oo, kung alam mo lang. Araw araw mula noong maisip kong mas mahal na kita, naku, ang daga sa dibdib!" "Umayos ka nga!" "Totoo 'to, Dawn!" He laughed. "Ikaw naman pakiramdam mo lahat ng sinasabi ko sa'yo about what I think of our past, biro." "Ginagamit mo pa kasi akong dahilan!" She giggled. "Aminin mo na lang kasi na siyempre, naghanap ka ng ibang putahe. Araw-araw ba naman akong nasa bahay mo, eh." "Hindi ka naman nakakasawa, eh." He turned serious, waxing on nostalgia. "Natakot ako na if I let myself love you the way I really did, na I would just disappear. Eh ikaw pa naman, malakas din ang dating mo. Naisip ko noon, Kapag naulol ako sa babaeng 'to, makakalimutan ako ang sarili ko." Dawn didn't know what to say except, "'Yang pride mong 'yan talaga, iba..." "Ikaw din naman, iba ang tapang mo. Kapag gusto mo, gusto mo. Walang makakapigil." He wrapped his arm around her, his hand resting on her waist. "Siguro sobrang bigat din nu'ng ma-realize ko na, finally, someone who could stand her ground against me." "Stand my ground?" She smiled, looking up at him. "Patay na patay ako sa'yo noon, 'di ba?" "And now, it's the other way around." This prompted Dawn to sit up straight, Richard's hand slipping away from her. "Uhm, mauna na siguro ako," she said, suddenly conscious. Richard helped her stand up, and as he retrieved his jacket from the stair step, said, "Look, about last night ----" "There's nothing to discuss about that, Goms," she countered, smiling. "Alam mo naman tayong dalawa, iba rin mag-clash ang feelings natin." "So, are you okay?" "Yeah... and the scenes came out beautifully." He was walking her back to the tent when she held his hand. "Thank you for looking out for me last

night, kahit antok na antok ka na." He kissed her on the cheek and opened the door, where they saw Vivian already asleep on the monobloc chair in front of the make-up table. "I'll see you tomorrow?" "Yeah, I'll see you.