#CDFragments XVII. Ties (first of five parts)

XVII. Ties (first of five parts) As someone who likes having a good night's sleep, it is unusual for Richard to stay up beyond midnight when he's just at home. Yet at past 1AM he found himself leaving the bed and his wife's embrace to go to the basement. A number of things was running through his head, but he could only focus on one: that he was going to marry Dawn tomorrow. It would just be for the cameras, for their comeback teleserye, but it was making him nervous. In their twenties, in the years they were together, he actually thought that they were going to end up in front of the altar. He knew she believed in it, too, even during episodes in their relationship when she said it was over, times when he had to convince her to stick around. She did, but not as long as he hoped for ---- not long enough for him to get over himself and the many nights he spent with other women. A part of him had thought her selfish for leaving. It would take him years to realize that he was asking for too much. He couldn't help but smile when he switched on the light of the basement, seeing how it was an organized mess. When he decided to marry Lucy, he moved all of his "bachelor stuff" In this room to make space for her things. She ended up downstairs by accident and eventually found the stash of his past, souvenirs from the relationships that failed, of the women he had dated before her. After a bit of crying (it was quite a scene: he found her slumped on the floor that afternoon, surrounded by photographs of his ex-girlfriends), she asked him if they could tidy up the room together ---- a personal project that she said would help her better understand his past. Since then, they had made it a point to clean up there at least once a year. She even bought beautiful paper mache boxes for the stuff he kept of his serious exes. (She deliberately threw photos of the women with whom he had "sidelined" with.) The boxes were on the far left side of the room, near their old couch. There were four, one for each ex-girlfriend, all of them properly labeled. He reached for "Dawn" and sat on the floor. This box was the most beautiful ---- Lucy had picked a blue-green box with gold embellishments ---- but it had the simples things: mostly photos that he took of Dawn smiling, many of them in black-and-white, quite the opposite of the colorful two years that they shared.

~~~ On the day that Lucy found the basement, Richard had told her of how his time with Dawn was the probably the shortest but the most troubled, that he thought he broke her heart the most out of the four. His wife had only one question: "Does she know that you're sorry?" Instead of answering, Richard picked up the bundle of photos he took of Dawn and smiled. "You know, siya ang pinakamakulit na naging girlfriend ko. I mean, hindi yung makulit na sunod nang sunod. Pinaka-spontaneous. She was the closest thing I had for a best friend. Don't be deceived by this ---- pademure lang 'yan pero totoo, barako din minsan. Sobrang hagikgik, halos gumulong when she finds something funny. Pero pinakaiyakin din." Lucy feigned a sigh of relief to make him laugh. "Yes, hindi ako ang pinakaiyakin." To no avail. She squeezed his hand. "Maybe someday I will get to tell her that, 'no?" he said quietly, looking at his wife. "And maybe ask if the things I did to make her happy still outweighed the things I did that made her sad." As on their wedding day, when they asked God to heal the broken hearts that led them to each other, she had told Richard to include this in their prayers. He just didn't think the day would really come. ~~~ There was an envelope in that box which contained all of the letters he decided to keep. For his breakup with Dawn, some of the handwritten notes found their way into the fire after he read them all for the last time. She wrote him a lot and he eventually calmed down so he was able to save a few. Some of these letters he had written for her. One of them was written on yellow paper, which had yellowed even more with age. It was quite a long read, and he couldn't help but smile seeing how in love he was with her that it came out that way. He never got the chance to give it to her, so he set it aside and thought they would share a good laugh because of it. At the end of one of the bundles of her photos of Dawn were three 3R black-and-white closeup photos of Dawn's face in early morning sunlight. There were many things that he had forgotten, but he remembered that moment ---- in fact the simpler moments that they shared were what stuck with him the most.

~~~ He woke up early to start preparing her breakfast, but there was something about the sunlight that came into the bedroom that day that he just had to pick up his camera and take a few shots of her. She normally wouldn't do this, but she was lying on her stomach, her arm around the pillow where her head rested. He sat on the floor beside the bed, aiming the camera at her, adjusting its focus. It was difficult for him to do this ---- he wanted to reach for her face and kiss her awake instead ----- but he got the look that he wanted and had a few more shots to spare. As he pushed the shutter release button for the third time, she opened her eyes with a slight smile. It really was one of those days when he just couldn't believe that he could wake up to something so beautiful. He put his camera down as she lifted her head. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Just..." He smiled and leaned forward to kiss her. "Good morning, beautiful." "You were taking photos of me sleeping? Naku ha, kapag may nakakita niyan." "Sino? Ang mga magiging anak natin?" She giggled. "Sira! Sana pinagbihis mo muna ako." "Nakabihis ka naman ha?" She was wearing one of the polos that he no longer uses. "Tayo ka nga, I just want to get this shot of you by the window."She sat up. "Ayoko nga." "Sige ka, hindi kita ipagluluto ng breakfast." "Okay lang! May tapsilog place naman malapit! They make the best scrambled eggs." "So mine's not the best?" He pouted.

She reached out for his face and kissed him. "You're the best naman for me." Another kiss. Not taking his lips off hers, he put the camera on the nightstand and leaned forward, pushing her gently on the headboard of the bed. He laid beside her as they kissed, pulling her close to him by the waist. He just stared at her face for a moment when they pulled away. "Bakit?" she asked, her hand on his hair. "Thank you." "For what?" "Just..." He smiled. "For the beautiful mornings." He knew by how her eyes seemed to sparkle that it really touched her to hear that. He kissed her forehead and she hugged him. "Babe?" "Yeah?" "You weren't serious about not making me breakfast, 'di ba?" She pulled away and sported a grin. "Gutom na kasi ako." ~~~ Richard clicked Dawn's name on his phone and waited for her to pick up. It took a while, and he almost hung up, when she answered, "O?" On the other line, a city away from her, he could imagine how she said this with her signature kunot-noo, her eyes barely open. He knew that voice, knew it from the many late nights from two decades ago when he would come home and find her flat on the couch or the bed. "D... Dawn?" "Goms, napatawag ka? May problema ba?" "Uhm, w... wala naman," he said. "Sorry, nagising yata kita. Bukas na

lang." He heard the ruffling of sheets, another familiar sound that he ascribes to Dawn kicking away the sheets when she's awake. "No, it must be important if you're calling this late," she said. "Makakapaghintay naman bukas. Sige, tulog ka na." "Mahihirapan na akong bumalik sa tulog lalo't binibitin mo ako nang ganiyan." "Really, it can wait." "So why did you call at... 2:30AM?" Shoot, he thought, unable to keep track of time. "Ah... may itatanong lang sana." "O, ano nga?" "Bukas na lang." "Nanggising ka na, eh. Ano 'yon?" Richard stayed quiet on the other line for a moment. Dawn sighed; he knew she was getting impatient. "Goms, dali na!" she said. "Sige ka, hindi ko ito ibababa." "Eh 'di 'wag. Naka-unli call naman ako," he teased. "Sure akong makakatulog ka. Chance ko na to hear you snore again." "Hoy!" she said aloud. He could hear her catch her breath as she giggled. "Hoy, hindi ako naghihilik ha!" A little quietly. "Ikaw pa nga ang naghihilik eh." "O? Imbento ka, ha? Alam mong hindi ako naghihilik. Saka ikaw, hindi lang hilik ---- sleep talk pa." He didn't give her the chance to deny. "Noon, kapag magkatabi na tayo, yayakap ka tapos bubulong ka ng 'Babe, babe, I love you!' Ako naman, sasagot ng 'I love you, too.' Tapos biglang bubusangot 'yang mukha mo, sisigaw ka, 'Hindi 'yan totoo!'" "Para namang hindi kapani-paniwala 'yon," she said, though she knew that

she did have the tendency to mumble in her sleep, especially when she's stressed. "Sabi mo, 'Hindi totoo, may iba kang babae!'"

"Hmm, 'yun totoo..." There was silence on the other line. "Uy, Goms, joke lang, ha? Ano nga ba 'yung itatanong mo?" Still, no answer. She sighed. "Richard, ano 'yung tanong mo? Nahihiya pa, eh, madaling araw naman tumawag." "Wala, galit ka na yata." "Magagalit talaga ako kapag hindi mo sinabi." Richard sighed. "Sige na nga..." "Susme! Ang daming ----" "Naging masaya ka ba sa akin noon?" It was Dawn's turn to shut up. Richard knew that she was still on the line (she usually did that, kept quiet; she told him that she was listening to him breathe). "Nakatulog na yata," he said. "Good ---" "Oo, Goms. Naging masaya ako, kahit mahirap.." Richard doesn't answer. "Hoy, Richard, ano na?" "Ah, wala. Wala. Kabado lang sa kasal." "Alam mo, pagod lang 'yan. Matulog ka na." "Sige. Sorry ha." "Okay lang."

"Good night." "Good night." Quiet. "Ah, Goms?" "O?" "I mean it. Despite everything, you made me really happy." Richard smiled. "Sinasabi mo lang yata 'yan eh." "Ay, maarte?" "Sige, balik ka na sa beauty rest mo." "Ikaw naman ay matulog na. Ang kasal natin ---" "Oo, hindi ko 'yon uurungan." "Sige, see you later, Goms." "Good night, ganda." "Siraulo ka talaga. Itulog mo na nga 'yan." "Sige, good night na talaga. Kailangan ko pang magpapogi for tomorrow."

Dawn laughed. "Guwapong guwapo ka talaga sa sarili mo, ano? Sige na, bye!" Richard put the phone down and just couldn't wipe the smile off his face