#CDFragments XVI. Settlement

XVI. Settlement Richard woke up that day wishing that he didn't have to come to the set, knowing that Dawn and the rest of the cast would be back from California. He even thought of feigning sickness, of going on a spontaneous long drive ---- anything to avoid that day ---- but realized that Lucy could get OC over things like that and he didn't want to bother her. And it wasn't like he could avoid Dawn forever. Still the thought lingered to him the whole day, even when he was hanging out with his daughter, who was just too glad to have her father home during the day that she didn't notice his unease. By late afternoon he got ready for the shoot, running a number of scenarios through his head. He made it on the set by sunset, as the cast members were arriving for the proposal scene that they were going to shoot that day. The likes of Coco and Julia, ever the jetsetters, went there straight from the airport, and were getting some rest in their respective tents. As he was walking inside, someone honked the horn. He looked around and saw Vivian parking her car. He waved. “Puwede ka bang makausap?” Vivian asked him as she closed the car door, walking up to him. Of course he knew what he was going to hear from her. Still he tried to sound casual. “How was your ----” “Pangungunahan na kita, Goms, ha. Hindi ito bilang manager lang ni Dawn, but as her friend.” “Ano 'yon?” “Goma, nakapag-usap na kami ni Dawn at ----” Just then, Dawn's van pulled over in front of them. Richard took a deep breath when the door opened, getting himself ready to see his onscreen partner. But first out of the van was a little girl. “Ayisha, don't rush off,” he heard Dawn say as she was getting down the

car. Ayisha ran up to Vivian, who seemed to have forgotten everything else when the little girl called her “Tita!” in the sweetest voice. Dawn slid her bag through to her shoulder and for a moment she and Richard just looked at one another. He broke the ice by leaning over to give her a peck on the cheek. “Hi.” “Welcome back.” A half-smile he knew to come on awkward moments. “Thanks.” She turned her attention to Ayisha, who insisted to be carried by Vivian. “Ayisha, you're too heavy for that na.” “Sus, ito naman,” Vivian replied, hugging the little girl closer. “Na-miss lang ako ng bata.” “'wag mong sanayin,” Dawn said and Vivian put Ayisha down. She caught Richard smiling at the exchange. “Sweetheart, you say hello to Tito Richard.” The little girl smiled and waved her hand timidly. Richard lowered himself to be on her eye-level. “Hi, Ayisha." “Hello.” “You want me to carry you?” “Richard...” Dawn said in her mommy-stern voice. It didn't stop Richard from lifting the three-year-old and bouncing her a little in the air, making her giggle. The two needed no further introduction. Ayisha had her little arm around Richard's neck as he carried her inside the set, where he introduced her to everyone ---- from Ms. Susan, Arlene, and Shamaine, to Paulo, Joem, and Coco, to Melissa and Julia ---- before sitting her down on the director's chair to show her the monitor. Ever the charmer, just like her mom, Richard thought the whole time. Her script untouched on her lap, Dawn watched them, fascinated by how easy they connected. She had introduced them when she started the teleserye, but it was the first time that they hit it right off the bat because

her kids never really stayed long enough on set. Perhaps it was the lift that Richard did, she thought. Or Ayisha is in a good mood. Or just how fatherhood had changed him also, something that she didn't get the chance to know until later on. “Okay ka lang?” Dawn looked up to see Vivian standing beside her. “Oo naman,” she replied, looking down so her manager wouldn't see her teary-eyed “Tingnan mo 'yung dalawa o.” Richard and Ayisha were then having their little tickle fight. Richard was letting Ayisha win. As the night came, before the cast was called to shoot, they would play on Dawn's iPad; he would teach her the game “Sawsaw Suka” and then ten rounds of bato-bato-pik. “Magkasundong magkasundo.” Dawn smiled. “Ang galing na ni Richard sa mga bata, 'no?” “Siyempre, kita mo naman 'yung attention na ibinibigay niya kay Juliana.” “Akalain mo bang darating siya sa point na magpapalit siya ng diapers, maghehele ng baby?” Dawn smiled. “That the most important female in his life would be 12 years old.” She met Vivian's eyes. “Sinong mag-aakala na he'd be a great father?” she said, smiling in that sad, sad way that only Vivian understood. ~~~ Everything about the past three days had been a blur for Dawn ---Vivian's voice seemingly distant even when she was right by the bedside; Vivian and a nurse helping her clean up and get dressed; everything dark because of the shades she had to wear even inside the hospital; finally getting inside the car. But the pain was still dull, throbbing somewhere in the pit of her stomach like something irreparably lost. She couldn't muster enough thought to identify what the hurt was and yet she knew, at least as she was told. She had just lost a baby.

It used to be a bizarre possibility ---- getting pregnant ---- with her irregular “period” and her hectic schedule. Not to mention the stresses of the past two years, the late nights that she had come to enjoy, and …. But it did happen, and when she saw Richard in front of her apartment door, it felt as if the truth was slapped on her face. Her ex-boyfriend, who was sitting on the rug by the door, bolted up when she and Vivian arrived, reaching for the bag, his eyes fixed on her face. “Hindi, ito,” Dawn heard her say as Vivian let go of her hand. Richard took her manager's place, an arm around her waist, the free hand holding hers. A fumbling of keys. The door swinging open. In an impatient fashion, strong hands behind her, lifting her inside the apartment. Her bed, with new sheets. She couldn't find the words, or the strength. She let Richard lay her down the bed, tuck her under the blanket even when the air-conditioner hadn't cooled the room. She let him stroke her hair. She let Vivian lead him outside to tell him about what happened. In the silence of the apartment, she heard Vivian whisper and filled out the words in her head: Dawn lost the baby, two months old, reproductive autoimmunity problem, the body flushing the embryo out thinking that it's a parasite. She heard footsteps. A weight on the side of the bed, that would even out by her side. His perfume. She didn't move. “Dawn,” he whispered as she felt him move closer. She knew a hand would fall on her arm. “Don't.” It did. It brought back all the pain. “Didn't I just say don't?” she said indignantly, working her words through the lump that was forming in her throat. “Dawn, I'm sorry,” he said as he wrapped an arm around her. She began to sob.

Richard pulled her closer and she could feel his tears in her hair, on her neck, near her ear. “I'm sorry,” he said repeatedly. She couldn't accept it, but she couldn't push him away, even when she was dying to. She was shaking with the tears that won't stop, with the anger to this man that was lying beside her, regret for the child that she didn't even get the chance to know. She had enough when he reached for her face. “Wala kang karapatang iyakan 'to,” she said as she was finally able to wave his hand away. She wiped her own tears and asked him to leave. ~~~ “Bakit ganiyan?” Julia whispered. “Magkagalit ba sila?” “Hindi ka kinikilig?” Coco whispered back. “Kinikilig, pero parang awkward.” They were shooting the proposal scene, where Richard's Marco would ask Dawn's Emily for her hand in marriage... yet again. It was one of the kilig moments that held so much promise, and yet there was something off about it right then. Coco looked around and could tell by the director's face that it was lacking. Their mere togetherness on the set was enough to send everyone on a lovesick high, but it was quite obvious that they were going through something. Having been the lone witness to the off-cam drama that was Richard and Dawn, he decided to help beyond gossip. When Richard was down on his knees, his character Marco asking Emily for her hand in marriage, Coco grabbed a petal from one of the big flower arrangements behind him. He walked to Richard with his arm outstretched, the petal on the end. “Ipis, oh!” That sent Richard a-leaping. Everyone laughed. “Ito, oh!” Richard moved farther away. “Takot 'yan sa ipis!” Dawn said laughing. She turned to Richard, waving her hand for him to come closer. “Halika, hindi ipis!” “Ipis eh!” Richard said, walking back cautiously.

“Joke lang!” Coco said as he went near the leading man to show him the petal. Dawn was throwing her head back in her hagalpak, the rest of the cast laughing at how Richard Gomez ---- the quintessential adonis ---would run from a cockroach. “Ang laki-laki mong tao eh!” “Takot kasi ako sa ipis!” Richard retorted as he touched the petal. His nerves eased, he glanced at Dawn, who just lit up the way she would do when she finds something so funny. “Natutuwa ka ha?” “Kasi hanggang ngayon, takot ka pa rin diyan!” Coco walked away with a grin, knowing that he had done his part. The director called for Take Two. This time, Dawn and Richard were smiling. Dawn would enter the scene with Melissa, while the rest of the cast was with Richard on the other end. When the scene began again, everyone felt lighter. “Marco, ano ito?” said Dawn, now in character as Emily. “Hindi ko naman birthday ha.” “Emily, hindi mo siguro naaalala, pero mahalaga ang araw na ito. Ito ang araw na una kitang nakitang nagtatrabaho sa hacienda. Ito rin ang araw na una kitang nakilala at nalapitan. Ito rin ang araw na una mo akong sinupladahan. Pero alam mo, Emily, ito rin ang araw na ---- sa harap ng mga mahal natin sa buhay ---- itatanong ko sa'yo ang isang napakahalagang bagay.” Richard took the small heart-shaped box from his pocket and Dawn couldn't help but giggle. He got down on one knee again, feeling much better (and not even caring about another potential cockroach scare), gazing up at her. “Emily... for the nth time, will you marry me?” The kilig hung in the air and the cast were grinning. There was no need to hold their breath, for it was easy for Dawn to answer with much lambing. “Marco, for the last time: Yes, I will marry you.” The cast broke into cheer. Richard slipped the ring on Dawn's finger, a bright smile on his face and for a moment recalling how it felt ---- at that point in their relationship, when he gave her a ring on her birthday. He stood up and she was starting

to wrap her arms around his neck when Coco just had to say “Kiss!” Seeing each other smile, and her hands on his face, they both knew that they had gotten through their awkward phase, that they would be able to talk after this. They hugged and it wasn't so difficult to act happy. That much they knew. ~~~ Richard didn't join the rest of the cast in watching the proposal scene from the director's monitor. He needed his fix of caffeine, some time alone, and he knew that they were also watching the cockroach scare incident. He was sitting alone across the line of tents when Vivian waved at him. “Goms, goms, patulong naman!” Richard ran to the tent. “O, bakit?” “Nandiyan na kasi 'yung sundo ni Ayisha. Pabuhat naman. Baka magising ko.” Richard lifted the little girl from the folding bed carefully and when she squirmed, rocked her back and forth, stroking her hair. Vivian couldn't help but smile at that as she picked up Ayisha's bag. “Si Dawn ba?” she asked as they walked out of the tent. Dawn was talking to Ms. Susan and Coco on the front door of the set. “Dawn, nandiyan na si Anton!” Dawn ran up to them. “Ako na,” she told Richard. “Ako na. Malukot pa 'yang damit mo for the next scene,” he replied. Ayisha squirmed a bit, but only to rest her head closer to Richard's neck. Dawn smiled as she walked ahead to open the door of the backseat. She kissed Anton, who was riding shotgun, then reached for Ayisha. She could see how careful Richard was in lowering himself and the little girl, even giving Ayisha a kiss on the temple. “Pare, thank you!” Anton said through the window. Richard shook his hand. “Ingat sa biyahe,” he replied before walking

away, leaving Dawn to her family. She just watched the car go, as she usually does, then ran to the tent, closing the door quietly. “Richard?” He looked up from reading the script and smiled at her. “Puwede ba tayong mag-usap?” “Kailangan ko na ba 'yung tissue dispenser para dito?” he teased, pulling a chair for her. She adjusted her seat so they could talk face-to-face. She reached for his hands and sandwiched them in between her palms. “Natatandaan mo when you called to ask me to stop you from marrying Lucy?” she asked. The question took him by surprise. Of course he remembered. “'yung long-distance tapos umiyak ka...” “Iniyakan ko ba?” she said, smiling. “'wag mo nang i-deny, tayong dalawa lang naman.” He smiled back. “O, anong meron doon?” “Kung sinabi ko sa'yo noon na 'wag siyang pakasalan, would you still push through with it?” “Oo,” he said, the answer coming as if it was second-nature. “I called you up to be sure. Sobrang natakot ako na baka nadadala lang ako, pero ikaw na rin naman ang nagsabi ----” She held his hands tighter. “There's your answer.” She was fumbling with words and it took a few moments before she went on. “You've been with her for what, 14 years? 'yun ang panghawakan mo.” She looked him straight in the eye.”Alam kong mahal mo si Lucy. Ikaw na ang nagsabi, there really must be something about her... You chose her everyday for 14 years. I can't beat that. Whatever you're feeling for me now, it won't beat your love for her. Don't let me ---- or anyone ---- change that.” He knew what she meant and noticed that she was close to tears. “Does

this mean break na talaga tayo?” he teased, pertaining to their lack of closure with a certain hurt that was waiting to happen 'til she tells him to get out of her life. “I don't want to lose you,” he admitted. “You won't lose me. Ako ang pinakakinabaliwan mo, remember?” She said it to elicit laughter, but she was only coming close to tears. “Saka ako yata ang partner-in-crime mo.” She smiled, touched his face and ear in the sweet, tender way that he ascribed only to her, and stood from her seat, heading for the door. “Dawn,” he called when she was about to get out of the tent. “You weren't able to answer my question.” She turned, feigning curiosity with her kunot-noo. “Ano ba ang tanong?” “Mahal mo pa ba ako?” She smiled, remembering his words in the car when she asked him that. “Sa tingin mo ba nawala 'yun kahit nu'ng iniwan na kita?” He bolted out of his seat and in two quick strides was standing in front of her. He pulled her into a hug, in a forceful way that he hadn't for a long time, but it didn't hurt her because she welcomed his embrace, resting her face on his shoulder. He buried his face on her neck, on her hair, and just held her as she quietly cried. “Don't screw this up,” she whispered, laughing despite herself. He kissed her forehead and pulled away so he could wipe her tears. “Basta nandiyan ka, I know that I won't.