#CDFragments XIX. Ties (third of five parts)

XIX. Ties (third of five parts) Richard was talking holiday plans with Coco and Paulo outside the tent, where the men were left to themselves. The armada of stylists and the other ladies of the cast and crew filled the dressing area to assist (and gush over) Dawn. Marco and Emily's wedding scene would be shot next and everyone was excited for it, especially for the kiss, to which Dawn finally consented. It was a happy ending for the two characters who, on- and off-screen, just drove the staff nuts with kilig. Everyone had wanted this to happen, including Dawn, who --- Richard judging by her laughter ---- seemed to enjoy preparing for the wedding as if it were her first. The men talked amid the occasional "OMGs" and gushes. One of his ear Richard lent to Dawn, listening if she still hinted of nervousness over the scene (there was a bit, he could tell), just so he knew how she was feeling. And then, as the men were talking sports, the crowd inside the tent cheered. Loud. "O, 'wag na nating siksikin ang tent at baka mainitan ang bride," said the director, who joined the elated army inside the tent. "Ang maiwan lang hair and make-up. Makikita n'yo din naman siya mamaya." People began to fill out of the dressing area, one by one, all of them grinning. One of the last ones to show up outside were Melissa, Julia, and Patricia, Richard's stylist. "Fafa Goms," Patricia said, trying not to smile. "Ready na 'yung barong mo sa loob, ipina-steam iron na 'yon ha. You know what to do; lapit lang sa akin pagkabihis mo." "Parang ang saya saya n'yo sa loob ha," Paulo remarked. "Haay, ang ganda ganda ganda kasi ni Dawn!" "Maganda naman talaga si Dawn," Richard said matter-of-factly. "Hindi, it's just different!" Melissa said. "Parang ---" "May glow eh," Julia added.

"'Yon! May glow!" The girls giggled. Richard stood. "Sige, matingnan nga." "'Di ba bawal magkita ang magkasintahan bago ang kasal?" Coco teased. "Alam mo, Daniel, wala nang makakapigil pa sa amin ni Emily," Richard answered, riding the joke and left the youngsters to their kilig. He had seen Dawn in a wedding dress before, seen her dolled up many times, and that was just his point earlier ---- he already knew that she was beautiful. But when he opened the door and saw her smiling at the mirror, he couldn't find the words. A certain glow. Yes, that was it. As she was getting made-up, Dawn was telling her companions ---- Vivian, the director, and the make-up artist ---- about her preparations for her own wedding 15 years ago, the things amiss (like her mother, and a photo of her and Anton's kiss at the altar), and how laidback she still felt despite that. "Mas kinakabahan pa nga ako dito," she quipped, laughing. "Magulang na kami tapos magpapakasal pa kami ni Goma, 'di ba?" For Richard, who leaned on the doorframe (as no one still noticed that he was there), Dawn didn't look a day older than when he first saw her in a wedding dress. Perhaps even more beautiful now than then, happier than then. ~~~ It was becoming more difficult for Richard and Dawn to be in the same room, and it was a vibe that they brought to Ilocos, where they were shooting some of the scenes of their upcoming movie, Saan Ka Man Naroroon. They avoided sleeping in the same room in Manila (since his place was nearer the studio where they shoot her show “RSVP”, she still stayed at his place, but with the many arguments that aroused every day, she would opt for the sofa), but it was inevitable in Ilocos, where they were surrounded by a staff that knew them to be very much in love. They were given one room with a huge bed and a dresser, but not much else. They slept with their backs turned on each other, especially on bad days. Having slipped into the comfortable, they still knew their way around each other ---- he still attended to her with the little things like a fan, a glass of

water, or a chair; she still looked out for the growing stuble on his face, for him sweating so much that the perspiration might dry up on his back. But they knew in themselves that something was off, for gone was the laughter, gone were the moments when they would just be in the corner of the set talking, staring at each other like no one and nothing else mattered. The night prior to shooting the scene at the beach, Dawn found Richard holding a local girl's hand in a dark alley near the place they were staying at. He said it was an innocent thing, but after a series of trysts that Dawn had caught him in, she already had a hard time believing, which in turn exasperated him. She had mastered the art of speaking to him when the situation called for it, but when he tried to talk to her in bed that night, she pretended to sleep. He held her just the same ---- the first time that he had off-screen in weeks, and she had to will herself to really sleep just so she could stop her tears from falling. For their shoot at the beach, she had to wear a wedding dress. She asked that it be brought to the room she shared with Richard so she could dress up properly. Being alone with the dress, however, made her a little emotional. Taking a deep breath to stop herself from crying, she went ahead and put it on. She was standing in front of the antique full-length mirror beside the dresser when the door swung open and Richard hurried right inside, reaching for the polo tossed on the chair across the room. She followed him with her eyes, feeling the sting of her tears. She was right ---- he no longer saw her. She kept her gaze on him even as he headed for the door, fighting the urge to throw something, anything, at him and just blow up. She could feel herself shaking with the hurt that began to take over her as the first teardrops fell. And then, as he reached for the doorknob, he saw her. She turned back to her reflection in the mirror, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. She looked straight ahead and took a deep breath. The next moment, he was already behind her. He held her by her shoulders, his thumbs stroking the bare skin there. When she made no move to protest, he moved closer and wrapped his arms around her, resting his cheek on her hair. “You look beautiful,” he whispered, sealing the gap between them as he

pulled her even closer. “I love you.” She looked down as she could no longer help her tears from falling. She shook as she quietly cried, holding on to his arm. He kissed her hair, near her ear (on the spot where their “identical” mole is), her cheek. He rocked her as he hushed, whispering a repeated apology. When she turned her face to see him, he kissed her lips. “Tahan na,” he said, smiling as he wiped her tears. “Baka hanapin ka ni Direk, isumbong pa ako kay Tita Midz.” It was a comfort when she giggled. He reached behind her for the veil, lowering it over her face. “But before we go...” He lifted it slightly, then went in, his face a breath from hers. “I may kiss the bride,” he whispered as he once again closed what little distance was between their lips. It was the nearest they had been in weeks, the moment that Dawn and Richard held on to as they shouldered on scene after scene. But even when they were unwilling to say it, they knew that it wasn't long, that the cycle of tears and kisses wasn't enough to keep them together. ~~~ As they laughed, Vivian turned and saw Richard. "O, nandito pala ang groom eh!" "Hoy, bawal tayo magkita!" Dawn told him, giggling. “Baka hindi matuloy ang kasal.” Richard covered his eyes with his hands. "Ayan! 'Di na kita nakikita!" "Eh nakikita kita!" "Aba, ikakasal din naman ako! Kailangan ko ring magbihis!" Everyone in the tent was laughing at this banter, and the younger members of the cast peeked inside upon hearing them. There really was something about Richard and Dawn's energy together on the set that they took delight in. “Pumikit ka din kasi, 'di ba lalagyan ka ng eyeshadow?” “Mamaya pa 'yon!”

“Eh pinapansin mo kasi ako. Just pretend I'm not here!” “Ang laki laki mong tao para 'di kita pansinin.” Richard walked inside, still with his hands held firmly over his eyes. Dawn tried not to laugh so the make-up artist could continue with his work, but when she heard a thud from the door and saw Richard holding his forehead instead, she just broke into her signature bungisngis. “Ayan kasi!” She stood and walked to where he was, a hand on his shoulder. “Naku, Marco, okay ka lang ba? Anong masakit?” He decided to ride her humor, hoping that it would help ease her jitters over the important scenes they were going to shoot that day. He looked at her, his eyebrows meeting, searching her eyes. “S... sino ka?” “Nauntog lang, may amnesia na?” Dawn said, scrunching her nose. “Si Emily ito, Marco, ang pinakamamahal mo. Hindi mo ba ako nakikilala? Kasal natin ngayon, Marco!” Richard feigned a gasp. “Emily!” “Naaalala mo na ako?” “Maaari ko bang makalimutan ang kabiyak ng puso ko?” Unable to take it any longer, they both started laughing. She gave him a light slap on the arm and asked if he was okay. He stared into her eyes and for the first time in a while meant it when he said he was. ~~~ “O, cast, places na! The crew, puwedeng manood, pero keep your kilig to yourself,” the director announced, then turned to Richard and Dawn. “We'll do this in two parts --- first segment is until Dawn reaches the altar, so 'wag munang isipin 'yung kiss. I just want you two to look happy, walang nerbyos.” Until that point, Dawn had actually stopped thinking about that. While they were waiting for the shoot to begin, Richard had told her lots of funny stories that took her mind off of the first onscreen kiss they were going to share in years. She felt as if the blood had drained from her face.

The director walked to the monitor and she felt Richard hold her hand. “Sinabi nga 'wag isipin, 'di ba?” “Ha? 'Di ko ----” “Namumutla ka.” He squeezed her hand and smiled. “'Wag mag-alala, I won't take advantage.” “Lalo lang akong kinakabahan sa'yo,” she confessed and he laughed. “You were the one who wanted this, Dawn, 'di ba? Emily and Marco are getting their happy ending. 'yun ang isipin mo.” “Richard, pasok na sa loob!” the director called. He gave her hand one last squeeze before he went inside the church. ~~~ Richard didn't really know how he would react when the church doors open. Still mindful that they were doing it for the cameras, he told himself that he had just seen her outside, that it shouldn't be that much of a deal. But it was a big deal, and when the doors opened, he realized that he was, in fact, holding his breath. Dawn looked calmer, her arm around Coco's as they marched forward. It wasn't a long walk, but he felt as if time had stopped, the crew on the sides of the church disappearing. There was only music (a string quartet version of “Sa Dulo ng Walang Hanggan”, which, as he used to tease Dawn, had become their theme song), the chill of the air, and her smiling. Finally, he thought as he took a deep breath. ~~~ Sino ba namang mag-aakalang aabot pa tayo sa ganito? Sige na nga, aamin na ako: Once, in our distant past, it did cross my mind that we could be headed to this moment. I can no longer tell when exactly, but we've been together for a year and you were sleeping beside me. Madalas nating gawin 'yon ---- matutulog ka nang nakasandal sa'kin and I listen to the rhythm of your breath as I pass the time, waiting for you to turn around and smile at me.

When you turned around to face me that day, it wasn't to wake up and trace the bridge of my nose. Yumakap ka lang, siniksik 'yung mukha mo sa leeg ko, dinantay ang binti sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, but I felt something tug at my heart at that moment. And when you opened your eyes and smiled like you used to do then when you see me, I thought, Ah, I could wake up to this every day for the rest of my life. It flashed in my head, me waiting in front of the altar as you take the long slow walk towards me, your face bright with that beautiful smile. Kung iisipin, I should've been happy. Pero naisip ko... a lot of people have screwed up their lives dahil sa “forever” na 'yan. And for a young man who was just getting his share of life and fame (and, fine, girls), of course the thought scared me. “The rest of my life” was such a big concept, at nu'ng maisip kong I was much more in love with you than when we started, pakiramdam ko nalulunod ako. And so I started going out more, sneaking in more girls in my ---our ---- lives, accepting more projects that took me away from you even more. Savoring my freedom as much as I could. Dahil inisip ko'ng sa huli, sa'yo din naman ako mapupunta, sa'yo ako uuwi. Na ikaw din naman ang kahahantungan ko. It was too late for us when I realized na sumuko ka na, na gusto na akong iwanan ng babaeng nakasanayan kong naghihintay sa akin. That in the process of enjoying the perks in my world, I had ruined the woman had made me her world and destroyed her hopes for our lifetime together. Kaya 'di ko man maamin sa'yo, gusto ko ring matuloy ang kasal na 'to, na magkatuluyan na talaga sina Marco at Emily. Dahil bilang Marco, makikita ko kung paano ka maglalakad papunta sa akin. Mararanasan ko 'yon kahit saglit ---- kahit kunwari. Magaan na ang loob ko as I hold your hand today dahil alam kong nakakangiti ka na ulit. 'yun lang naman ang mahalaga para sa akin, na masaya ka. Kahit hindi na sa piling ko. Kahit hindi na ako ang dahilan