#CDFragments VIII. How she feels

VIII. How she feels Dawn looked out the window in silence on their way home that night, avoiding any eye contact --- and confrontation --- with Vivian. When she was about to board the van, her manager told her what Coco had said, matter-of-factly and without added commentary --- her way of letting Dawn know that they were going to have to talk about this at some point. Dawn knew that Vivian was wise enough to not talk about it in front of the driver. Her phone rang midway through the long and quiet commute, her husband's face flashing on the screen. "Yes, hon?" she said when she picked up, hoping not to sound as tired as she felt. "I'm about to board for Davao. Are you okay?" "Yeah. Bakit?" "You sound exhausted." "I'm fine." "I miss you." She smiled. "I miss you, too. Balik ka agad ha." "Kung gusto mo, hindi na ako aalis." Years ago, she would have frowned at the promise, even at a light moment like this, for it was the very same one that Richard had uttered when they were still together, the promise that she chose to believe in. The promise that made it so difficult for her to walk away from him. ~~~ Dawn got out of the bedroom smoothing out her skirt and found Richard sprawled on the couch, still in his pambahay, watching TV. They were supposed to leave in five minutes for a committment outside the city and in a hurry, she left him to fend for himself.

"Babe," she said as she descended from the stairs. "Bakit hindi ka pa bihis? Male-late tayo niyan." Richard sighed and looked at her. "Do we really have to go?" "Kayo ang kausap for this interview, 'di ba? You said yes. Of course we have to go!" "Tinatamad ako. It's a weekend, love. We should spend it at home." He hugged one of the throw pillows. "Ang sarap mahiga oh." "Richard." With matching sungit voice. "Marie Rachel." With matching lambing voice and a hand reaching out, inviting her to lay beside him. "Maligo ka na, please?" "Ayoko." "Richard!" "Tinatamad talaga ako, Dawn. Hindi ako gagalaw." "Gano'n? O siya, iiwan na kita. Magpapasundo na lang ako kay Vivian." That was a trick that Dawn relied on whenever Richard had one of his lazy attacks, but at that moment, it just wouldn't work. Letting go of the pillow, he crossed his arms over his chest and challenged her, "Kaya mo?" In false bravado, Dawn replied. "Huh, anong akala mo sa akin. Kaya ko." "Okay," Richard simply replied, going back to the show he was watching Dawn stood there for a few more seconds, then stomped her heels back to the stairs. "Hindi man lang ako pinigilan," she said, a little loud that he heard. He just shook his head and smiled, knowing that she really wouldn't do it. But she showed up in a few minutes with the purse that matched her dress... and her weekender travel bag. He sighed and stood up, reaching for it.

"Love, interview lang 'yun." "Alam ko," she replied, swinging the bag behind her so he wouldn't reach it. "'Di ako uuwi dito after." "Bakit?! Dawn naman... Ito na naman tayo." "Anong 'na naman'?!" "Akin na 'yang bag." "Ayoko." "Dawn, akin na. Dali, para i-akyat ko na. Magbibihis na ako." "Hindi ka pa nga naliligo eh!" "O, eh 'di maliligo na din!" He grabbed her wrist and forced the bag out of her hand. "Ang kulit mo." He looked up and saw that she was close to tears. "Uy..." She began to sob. He pulled her closer to him albeit her resistance. A hand on her hair, another on her back, he whispered that he loved her. "Sorry na, sorry na." He knew that she wasn't crying about him not getting ready in time. Or at least it wasn't just about that. Dawn had told him that she was exhausted of loving him. That she had been thinking about leaving him. He told her outright that he couldn't afford to lose her. He knew she couldn't do that to him either. He cupped his face in his hands and looked her straight in the eye. "Wala tayong iwanan, okay? That's why we're here, in the same house, about to head for the same interview. It's us, love. You and I." "I won't let you leave me, Dawn," he whispered before his lips touched hers. "I won't leave you. Hindi ko kaya." ~~~

"Hon? Are you still there?" "Yes, sorry. What time's your flight?" "In 15 minutes. I told the kids to wait for you but not to drag you around tonight. Matulog ka nang maaga." "Du'n na lang kami sa kuwarto natin magsisiksikan." Anton chuckled. "Yeah. When I get home tomorrow, makikisiksik din ako." "Hon?" "O?" "Call when you land, ha." "You all might be asleep by then." "Just... call me, okay?" "Sige, I will. Pero 'wag mo nang pilitin na magpuyat for me." "And Anton?" "Yes, hon?" "I love you. Really." Her husband sighed on the other line. "I've been waiting to hear that again today. I love you, too, Mrs. Lagdameo." Vivian caught her smile as she and Anton hung up. Teary-eyed, Dawn turned to her manager, who reached for her hand and squeezed it. "Kahit ano pa 'yung nangyari kanina, hindi ako nag-dalawang isip ni minsan," she said softly. "I just thought you should know that." More than keeping his promises, Anton chose her, everyday. Anton, the man after her own heart. She thought that was something that Richard should know. She knew he also made a choice