Carlos Xuma

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The Guru Black Book

This book is copyrighted in 2010 by CB Publishing with all rights reserved. It is ILLEGAL to copy, distribute, or create derivative works from this book in whole or in part or to contribute to the copying, distribution or creating of derivative works of this book.

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The Guru Black Book

“Common Questions...Uncommon Answers” Welcome to “The Guru Black Book's” Featured Guru Presentation. You are about to discover what one of the world's leading dating gurus has to say about 25 of the most frequently experienced situations that single men face every single day. The Guru Black Book was created by Brad Jackson and Bill Preston, who have unprecedented access to the world's dating masters and sat down with over two dozen of these experts to get them all answering the exact same 25 questions that you're about to see below. By tackling common questions with uncommon answers, we are able to bring you very unique perspectives on the fundamental questions that allow you to meet, attract...and yes, even seduce any woman you desire. But this is no ordinary interview series. In fact, in the original and complete “Guru Black Book” we broke down each question, followed by each of the Guru's answers, one by one, so that you can compare them side by side to get the answer that works best for you. Nothing like this has ever existed until now and it is available to you now simply by going to the following website: www.thegurublackbook.com/continue Here you will get to see inside the original Guru Black Book and discover the precedent-setting “Guru Matrix” where you can actually HEAR each of the gurus answer each question, clip by clip, giving you the ultimate control over what you learn and from whom you learn it. This will turn you into a razor sharp encyclopedia of dating and pick up skills and you will never be at a loss for answers again.

Enjoy! Brad Jackson & Bill Preston The Guru Black Book

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The Guru Black Book: Carlos Xuma

About Carlos Xuma Women have shared information since time began

on

how

to

rule

the

world

of

relationships, through sexual power and an innate understanding of psychology and persuasion. Men need an ally in this game, and I created Dating Dynamics to give you that edge. A lot of guys ask me how I got into this field of dating advice for men, so let me give you a little background... I had a girlfriend or two back in high school. Didn't give my dating life (or lack of) much thought. Until disaster struck. I had a relationship that turned sour on me, and I started getting all "Nice Guy." I started reading the self-help books by PhDs that didn't know dick about how REAL attraction is built. They could only tell you that it should be this way, and all the rational crap that did NOT work. (Like telling a woman your true feelings for her.) I remember being on a date where the girl actually CRINGED away from me when I went to hug her good night. I remember losing it on my balcony after they left, and I swore that I'd never go through that again.

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I knew there was some kind of behavioral change I could make to fix this. I had to know how to make women attracted to me, or it was going to kill me. I started reading all the books in the bookstore on the topic. When I realized they didn't have the information I needed (or even a clue for guys, really), I started looking for books that talked about "pickup," "seduction," and "techniques" - the forbidden information that you couldn't find anywhere else. (I started this before there was an "Internet," mind you.) When I got as much as I could find (and that wasn't a lot) I started trying and experimenting with women and dating. I got rejected and blasted, and occasionally I also got some success. I watched why certain guys did the things they did and noticed how their behavior influenced and built strong attraction in women. Fundamental Style/Philosophy Carlos brings to the table a variety of life experiences, including a background in relationship skills, life-coaching, motivational psychology, sales, management, Martial Arts, teaching and instruction, technology and engineering, Eastern philosophy, the psychology of achievement, and music. Yes, you can call him a bit of a Renaissance Man. Carlos' mission is to bring men and women together through awareness of both our traditional and contemporary gender roles. He conducts workshops and in-field training sessions, phone counseling, as well as group seminars.

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The Guru Black Book •Table of Content

Table of Content Q1: How Do You Overcome The Fear Of Rejection? Q2: What Is The Easiest And Quickest Way To Develop Self Confidence? Q3: What Do You Tell A Student Who Feels That He Is Physically Unattractive To Girls? Q4: How Can "Nice Guys" Compete With "Bad Boys" Without Having To Act Like Jerks? Q5: What Do You Do To Get Into The Mindset To Go Out, Have Fun, And Meet Women? Q6: How Does A Guy Build His Social Life And Circle Of Friends Quickly? Q7: How Do You Bring More Hot Female "Friends" Into Your Social Circle? Approaching Women Q8: Do You Still Get Approach Anxiety And How Do You Manage It? Q9: Do You Have An Opener Or Two That Works In Most Situations? Q10: How Would You Approach A Woman During The Day? Q11: When Approaching A Group Of Girls In A Club, What Do You Typically Say To Open The Conversation? Q12: What Do You Do If You Are Not Well Received By The Girl Or Group At First? Conversation & Attraction Q13: Many Guys Don't Have Approach Anxiety As Much As They Have Conversation Anxiety. What Do You Do Or Say To Keep The Conversation Going Once You Get Past The Introduction? Q14: How Do You Keep The Conversation From Becoming Boring Small Talk? Q15: When There's A Lull Or Awkward Moment And You Can Tell Her Interest Is Drifting (The Oh Man I Am Losing Her Feeling), How Do You Get The Attraction "Back On Track"? Q16: How Do You Know When It's Just Not Going Anywhere And It's Time To Eject? Q17: How Do You Know When It's Working And Time To Take It To The Next Level?

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The Guru Black Book •Table of Content

Sexual Tension & Seductions Q18: How Do You Generate Sexual Tension Into Your Conversations Without Sounding Creepy? Q19: How Do You Know Whether To Ask Her Back To Your Place Or To Just Get Her Phone Number? Q20: What Do You Do Or Say To Get A Woman Back To Your Place? Q21: Once You Are Back At Your Place, What Do You Do? Q22: How Do You Know When It's Time To Ask For A Girl's Phone Number? Q23: How Do You Increase The Probability That A Girl Will Not Flake On You? Q24: Where Do You Like To Take A Girl The First Time You Hang Out Together? Q25: What Do You Say To A Girl Who Asks If You Are Dating Other Women Or Calls You A Player?

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Q1: How Do You Overcome The Fear Of Rejection? All fear really has its roots in the unknown. What I've taught guys through the years is how to remove as many of the variables as possible, so they can feel more confident. Rejection is not always in your control. But you can control how much you need to not be rejected. You’ve got to remember – and you guys really need to understand this – you don't play the game to not lose, you play to win. That's how all great sports team’s play. That's how all great performers in every area of life play. They play the game to win. Not to lose. So overcoming the fear of rejection is really an inner game hurdle, and it's very easy to overcome just by simple preparation: knowing what you're going to do and what you are going to say in advance. Plan it out a little bit and have it ready to go, ready to rock and roll.

Q2: What Is The Easiest And Quickest Way To Develop Self Confidence? There are two kinds. There's pervasive self-confidence that you carry with you most of the time – your ambient level of self-confidence – and then there is skill-specific self confidence such as when you do a task. For instance, when I pick up a guitar now, I’m pretty confident with that. But if you put some drum sticks in my hand, I'm a total flub. So it's about doing the things that you do well regularly. It’s about regular practice with the things you love to do that aren't even related to women. You do that enough

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regularly, it seeps into your life, and it creates this foundation of confidence that you really can't escape if you wanted.

Q3: What Do You Tell A Student Who Feels That He Is Physically Unattractive To Girls? The reality is that we have this, unfortunately, dual standard that's a reality. Guys evaluate women and value women on physical beauty, by what we see. It's because over the years and the whole evolutionary thing, we have been able to tell what we need to know about women from sight, from seeing her. But women don't do that, women don't have the same evaluation mechanism. They do like physically attractive guys, don't get me wrong. Yes, appearance is important but it is image, not beauty, necessarily. If a guy can pull together a good image, meaning grooming, clothes, a little bit of style, it'll turn a guy that thinks he's physically a 6 into at least an 8 or 9 in a woman's eyes. It really isn't that difficult.

Q4: How Can "Nice Guys" Compete With "Bad Boys" Without Having To Act Like Jerks? Nice guys, unfortunately, are guilty of really just lacking the ability to bring out their masculine confidence. The bad boy is different than a jerk. A jerk is the guy that's taking things way too far; he's kind of going over the edge. He has some of the same attraction qualities, some of the things that women enjoy, but unfortunately he attracts some of the women that guys want to

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avoid, which are the women who have their own issues. So there's a big difference there. But nice guys can be using the bad boy edge of their personality without having to act like jerks. It's simply a little bit of social calibration. The fact is that 99% of all the nice guys I've ever coached or counseled they can't go that way. It's very difficult to go from a nice guy to a total jerk. It's so hard because the nice guy is, by his nature, nice. He has a conscience. He has, I should say, the compass that’s pointing him towards being a good guy, and not a jerk. So it's not something that most guys have to worry about. And if you're always staying authentic and connected to who you are as a man, it's even less of a concern. Because again, you're grounding yourself with your sense of masculinity, and that's really what women pick up on as being this bad boy edge.

Q5: What Do You Do To Get Into The Mindset To Go Out, Have Fun, And Meet Women? It’s really all about lifestyle. One of the things I talk about is The Alpha Lifestyle or The Alpha Men Lifestyle. It's the lifestyle that you want to lead so that you don't even have to focus so much on women because you've got a full and complete life. You’ve got the social circle you want; you've got the relationships and friendships you want. You've got a good family life, you’ve got a good career, you have a good spiritual life, hobbies, and all that stuff. It creates a more complete picture of a man overall.

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So the first thing is, of course, have a happy life without women. Because if you can't do that, it's kind of a cliché, but adding a woman only screws your life up even more. So go out to be social and give energy. This is probably one of the best mindsets you can have: to go out, have fun for yourself and meet women along the way. Go out and give energy away. Because if you're an energy vampire, if you're looking to get something for nothing, if you're looking to approach groups so that you can leech on to their good time, or trying to get a phone number, or get laid, then it's all about getting. You're creating an energy which eventually is going to destroy your game. So you have to go out there with an attitude of giving value, giving energy, and not to the point where you’re totally depleted, mind you, because you will get some of that back, but it comes from that source first. You’re a source of energy; you’re not a drain of it.

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Social Circle Q6: How Does A Guy Build His Social Life And Circle Of Friends Quickly? First, just start going out. I mean, literally, just go out. Go out alone if you have to, but get in the habit of going out. Schedule a minimum of one day a week to go out. Because what will happen is, eventually, you’ll obligate yourself to this, and you're going to get sick of just going out and not doing anything. You're going to eventually just force yourself to start meeting more people. Approach groups of people and just strike up conversations. Now, a lot of guys I know would say, "Oh, but you make it sound so easy.” You’re making it sound too hard. You just walk up and start a conversation, and of course, there are skills and techniques based around this that you can use to make it much easier because it's not that hard. But get yourself out. Just start going out because you'll find that the network of people that you meet will put you in contact with more people, more attractive women, and it only gets easier.

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Q7: How Do You Bring More Hot Female "Friends" Into Your Social Circle? What I would do is just go out and meet more people. I don't like to qualitatively evaluate people too much. I know guys are looking for hot women and attractive women, but the reality is that they're everywhere. Chances are the woman you date, or have as a girlfriend or eventually marry is going to be somebody who is a friend of somebody you know. In other words, you will network your way to that person rather than just meeting them cold. So the best way to do that is to expand your social circle. Try to be more of a connector. This comes from Malcolm Gladwell's work where he talks about people who seem to know everybody. Well, you don't have to be that extroverted or outgoing or that much of a social hub but start making yourself more of a connector. Start helping people connect in your own life and you'll be amazed of how many people they introduce you to. And again, immediately it's exponential. You introduce yourself to 5 new people and you're going to be meeting about 50 new people because of their friends. So that's how you get those hot women into your life. It's simply by expanding it broadly across the board.

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Approaching Women Q8: Do You Still Get Approach Anxiety And How Do You Manage It? I hesitate to call it approach anxiety, but I do get those twinges on occasion where I'm like, "Oh, I don't know if I want to approach her,” or “I don't know if I want to open a conversation." And I have this kind of inner game ritual; I guess you could call it. And it's a mental ritual that I think all guys have to create. You need a mental ritual that, first of all, is going to ground you and relax you, because that's really important. Guys don't realize just how detrimental it is to go out and try and meet people or be social when you're in an anxious state or you're up in your head. It totally works against you. You can't use any of the material you may have memorized or you have to use. It just really tears up your game from the inside out, so you have got to be grounded and relaxed. And then number 2, you’ve got to have rational, what I call rational or cognitive control. In other words, you recognize the emotion of, "Oh my God, I'm not sure if I want to talk to that chick," and then you walk yourself through it. You’re like, "Wait a minute, the last time this happened I didn't talk to that girl, and I went home and I was kicking myself the whole night. I'm not going to go through that again. And the last time I did this and I

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didn't walk away with a phone number, I still felt pretty damn good about doing it, so I got to do it, OK. Here we go,” and you're in.

Q9: Do You Have An Opener Or Two That Works In Most Situations? You know, I hate to be flippant, but it's usually something very simple like, "Hey, my name is Carlos. How are you doing?" As much as I tell guys that it's not the opener, I know that guys are very fixated on it as the cure. I only have a couple of different openers that I'll give guys because giving them too much of that breeds the mentality that it's all about the opener. Because what happens is guys are investing too much psychological energy in that first thing they say, and that's what's creating a lot of their approach anxiety. When you realize that the first line is really a throw away –- that it’s not important – you start to really perceive this game a little bit differently and approaching becomes a lot easier. The other one I teach is an indirect kind of way get women into a conversation. It has little bit more of a flirtatious line. The one I like to use, and this is great for day gamer, really anywhere you are, is to say "Hey, you know what, I was just on my way back to work and I saw you and I knew I was going to kick myself if I didn't at least say hi. My name is Carlos." And then you can just say something like, "So what brings you out today?" or whatever the situation is, use your context. If you are in a bookstore, if you're in a coffee shop, whatever it is and it's that easy to get started.

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Q10: How Would You Approach A Woman During The Day? This is great for day game, or really anywhere you are as you say, “Hey, you know what? I was just on my way back to work or back to school or whatever it is. I was just on my way back to work and I saw you and I knew I was going to kick myself if I didn’t at least say hi. My name is Carlos.” And then you can just say something like, “So what brings you out today?” Or whatever the situation is, use your context. If you’re in a bookstore, if you’re in a coffee shop, whatever it is, it’s that easy to get started.

Q11: When Approaching A Group Of Girls In A Club, What Do You Typically Say To Open The Conversation? I know that it makes a difference psychologically to approach a group because we have a lot of evolutionary mechanisms that make it more difficult to approach larger groups. It goes back to that fear of public speaking. We're all intimidated to some degree by the possibility of being cast out by the group, or not being approved by the group. It hits us in a very low emotional center. It's hard to avoid. So what you have to do is you have to understand and make some assumptions about where you are. One of the things I've found over the years is that when you're out, if you're in a bar or club, especially, you can immediately assume a very social frame and you have to. And one of the things I'll do to approach a group is just say something like, "You guys look like you're having fun," and that's all

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you have to say. Somebody in the group will then open you and say, "Yeah, we're just talking about this, and where are you from," to pull you into it. As long as you are coming in with that social frame of a guy who is just there, and kind of mingling among the social networks, it doesn't take much at all. Groups have that different quality to them, but not that much different than opening a person.

Q12: What Do You Do If You Are Not Well Received By The Girl Or Group At First? I’d cry. No. Actually, it's kind of a half-humorous response there. I've had situations where I felt like that, where it hit me so hard I couldn't handle it. But in my head now what I do is rehearse over and over again the reality. Again, it goes back to rational and cognitive control. It's easy to take control of your emotions if you can recognize them for what they are. So in my head I have this little mantra where I realize it's their problem, it's not me. There's nothing wrong with me. There's no way a person can figure out who I am just from me walking up and saying hello, right? There's no way they can really make a qualitative judgment about me. So it's got to be their problem. And maybe they have social issues if they can't open up, but I don't use that against them in a vindictive way like, "Fine, you guys are jerks," and walk away. No, what I'll do is I'll persist a little bit. And I go in with the assumption that I'm the OK dude and it's my job to help these people come out of their

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shell a little bit. And maybe they just need to see that I am a cool dude. I'm not going to be an energy drain. I'll be fun. When they see that they will typically go along, and they'll open up to you and lower some of those defensive shields. It just takes a little bit of persistence. And again, sometimes it's just a test, a social test, to see how grounded you are in your own comfortable self-image.

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Conversation & Attraction Q13: What Do You Do Or Say To Keep The Conversation Going Once You Get Past The Introduction? Well, I know a big hang up for guys is, "What do I say next?” or “How do I keep the talk going, how do I keep the conversation going?" It's really easy. You have to fall back on flexible tools, not memorized stuff that you won’t be able to remember in the heat of the moment. Many guys know that memorization sucks. It's just hard to do. It’s hard to maintain. You can find yourself blanking out. Instead, install a few simple little plug-ins in your head that will help you along the way. Use contextual things. For instance, if you're at a bar or a club, is there something about that bar or club to talk about? In San Francisco, there is this Irish pub, and they just have junk all over the place, on the walls, signs, posters, little knick knacks. And I would look around at those things, and I'd find things to talk about there. When you're talking to a woman, you’ve got to engage her in conversation. You’ve got to get her invested in it, so that she has an investment in you. So make sure you turn the conversation over to her by asking questions, "So what are you doing here today?" Ask her questions to bring her out and into the conversation.

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Q14: How Do You Keep The Conversation From Becoming Boring Small Talk? Once you get her to start talking and sharing, then you use that in the conversation. What I like to do is to take everything along unexpected paths. I don't want her to get bored with how things are going. I don't want her to start talking about her work. No, I’ve got to find a way to tease her. Or I’ve got to find a way to poke a little fun at it. For instance, if she says she's going to a certain school, I'll say something like, "Oh, so you went for their beer drinking program, is that it?” And that'll give her a little bit of a different angle to take the conversation down. She’ll say, "No, no, no. I didn't... Well, OK, I did drink a little bit when I was there." And I'll say, "Oh really, what's your wildest party story from that school because I've heard some pretty good ones." You’ve got to keep the conversation going in interesting and dramatic directions. Guys make the wrong assumption that conversation has to be about stuff and facts because that's the way we talk. Women don't want that, women want emotionally dramatic conversation. Asking “Who did what to whom?” is the most fertile ground for a woman to start talking about things. That's what she's really interested in.

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Q15: When There's A Lull Or Awkward Moment And You Can Tell Her Interest Is Drifting (The Oh Man I Am Losing Her Feeling), How Do You Get The Attraction "Back On Track"? Well, one technique is something I call the “Hail Mary” where you basically throw something out there that's totally off the wall and sometimes may not even make sense because literally saying anything is better than saying nothing. Because in almost every single situation I've ever experienced, saying something is better than nothing. But again, we want to be a little bit more prepared and have a little bit more finesse. The best way is to point out the elephant in the room. In other words, if there is this pause in the conversation, – I've used this all the time and it works like a champ – you say, "Hey, wait a minute, did you hear that? I think that was our first uncomfortable silence. Cool. And we survived, high 5.” And I offer my hand up and she'll give me high 5. She'll think it's funny because I was aware of what was going on the social situation, and I wasn't afraid to say something about it. That's how most people will relate to you more and drop their guard. It's when they realize that you can deal with that and you don't try and say, "Oh, I don't want to talk about that.” If you keep doing that you're going to seem like an uncomfortable person in social situations.

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Q16: How Do You Know When It's Just Not Going Anywhere And It's Time To Eject? I think every guy can figure that out. Again, what I want to give guys is a very basic unit of approach, a very standard little model that they can use and repeat and be effective at. If they go in, hold the conversation for one or two minutes and then start to feel like they are running out of conversation, or maybe they panic a little bit of panic, or maybe they're going back up in their head, maybe that's a good time to eject. If you are in a bar or club situation, you don't have to hold the conversation very long. You can see this girl again later after you've had a little time to go and talk to other people, maybe relax, get back out of your head, have a drink, and go have a piss, whatever. And then you can come back around to it. So I just tell guys you just got to have one thing to say to be able to eject. Something like, "You know what, I’ve got to find my friend over here. I'll be back in a little bit." And take off, go do that, come back when you feel comfortable.

Q17: How Do You Know When It's Working And Time To Take It To The Next Level? Again, this is calibration, social calibration. You’ve got to watch for signs from her both verbally and physically. If she's laughing at things that you're saying, that is a good sign. The big one is if she is talking to you. Here’s

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something that not many guys know. Women talk to each other as a form of currency. When they're withholding the talk, they're withholding their emotional investment, which means they're detaching. So that's a big indicator right there. If she's talking at all, that's a level of investment from her and you can assume that there is some interest there. Sometimes it can be a little bit of a polite conversation, which has a pretty obvious tone to it. But again, if she's talking at all, you should be advancing or working it forward. You have to be escalating. The man's job is to continually escalate. If you stay too low energy for too long, you will doom the conversation. And you won't be able to get attraction or move on into seduction.

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Sexual Tension & Seductions Q18: How Do You Generate Sexual Tension Into Your Conversations Without Sounding Creepy? One of the things that really comes across as creepy is when guys feel they have to bring up the subject of sex or sexual connotation in the conversation itself. And it really shouldn't be done, at least not by the guy. The best thing to do is to let the woman do that work. In other words, let her say something that could be taken in a couple of different ways, the doubleentendre. Or wait until she says something a little suggestive, and then you can take it down in that direction. But if you start pressuring or guiding it that way, she's going to pick up on that, and it'll make her pull back, pull away. So if you want to generate a sexual tone, it's got nothing to do with the words you're saying. Again, guys are so focused on the “what” that they're not thinking of the “how.” It's all in how you manage things like proximity, your space to the woman, how you look at her, the amount of eye contact you hold, moving in occasionally, touching her on the arm, making a comment, stepping back, that's how you create sexual tone intention. It's not about the “what”; it's about how you're handling the conversation.

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Q19: How Do You Know Whether To Ask Her Back To Your Place Or To Just Get Her Phone Number? Keep escalating if you’re getting indications of interest from her, where she's touching, she's kissing, she's going along with you and there's not a lot of resistance. In a lot of cases you can just tell by her personality, is she's a certain type of girl. If we're talking about at a bar or club, it's more obvious than it is in day game, where it is a lot more difficult to do that sort of thing. If you see these indicators of interest, then by all means keep progressing, keep escalating. But if you start getting indications that she’s just out to hang out with her friends, or there's some interest but ...” You can just tell when a girl is not going to be going down that path. And to push her along it would actually just screw everything up. It’s far better to just get her phone number, tell her you're going to call her a little bit later, and then hook up with her another time. In the pick-up community we’d like to believe that every woman could be seduced, and it's not true. Some woman can be, and some woman cannot be, but almost all women can be over time. That's more important. The more exposures, the more opportunities you have to meet up with her the far better it will be for your game. So don't worry about getting it all done in one night, it's better to stack them up.

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Q20: What Do You Do Or Say To Get A Woman Back To Your Place? You’ve got to have a reason. It cannot be about the sexual fun you're going to be having. If it's all about that, no, she's not going along with it. It is because we all know that it’s just programmed in a woman, that they have to put the brakes on. We have to recognize that women need to put those brakes on some time during your interaction. It doesn't matter when or where or how. It's going to have to happen because it establishes her control over the sex and she needs to have that. It’s part of her security mechanism. So you have to have some reason to go back. Let’s say you've been talking about music and she totally digs Peter Gabriel and you've got this really obscure disc of Peter Gabriel or some concert footage or whatever it is, that's the pretense you need. You need to do that for her as an excuse she can use to follow you back. Otherwise if it's all about, "Hey, come on back to my place, we'll continue this fun there." No, it's not going to float.

Q21: Once You Are Back At Your Place, What Do You Do? First off, get her to feel comfortable again. You don't want to try and pick it up right where you left off because things have to have cooled a little bit in transit. So the first thing you’ve got to do is offer her a drink, give her something to make her feel comfortable. Chances are she's probably going

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to have to use the bathroom. So say, “You know, if you need to use the bathroom, its right down there.” Let her look around at the place a little bit. I liked to do the tour when I was living in an apartment. It was small but hey, there's a little bit of a tour you can give. And what you can do is have something of interest. It is obviously best to go to the bedroom when you can, but you have to have something of interest to draw her there. If not, then you go to the couch, go wherever it’s convenient. Have music. I don’t suggest lighting up candles right away because it's almost like, "Hey baby, it's Rico Suave all over again.” But you definitely want to throw on some music, get her something to drink right away, get her feeling comfortable, and then start gradually working right back to where you left off.

Q22: How Do You Know When It's Time To Ask For A Girl's Phone Number? We fall victim to these patterns with women. I tell guys right off the bat that the best thing you can do is to defy patterns whenever you can. If there's any interest at all, I'll try to get her phone number earlier in the conversation rather than later. I don't want to make it the closing note because then it becomes just like every other interaction she's had, right? So what I'll do is I'll do some sort of a game with her. You can say, "Hey, look at this little thing I just learned on the phone. Give me your phone number. I'll text this to you." You can do that as a method of getting it.

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The Guru Black Book: Carlos Xuma

Don’t wait until the end. Establish a little bit more connection, and then you can just walk off on a cool note. You want to end on a high note. Getting the phone number is not necessarily the high note you want. It’s to make sure that she wants to start this up again, so I'd rather do it earlier than later.

Q23: How Do You Increase The Probability That A Girl Will Not Flake On You? Number one, leave her on a high note. In other words, always leave her wanting more, and make sure there's an emotional high point you've left her at so she's feeling, "Wow, I don't want this to end. I don't want this to stop." Secondly, give her some reason to talk to you again, “Say, do you know what? I know we can't get together tonight. I can't give you that Peter Gabriel CD, but you know what, when I talk to you, I'll find a way that we can get together where I can play that disc for you, whenever it might be." So you're giving her a reason that is a bit of a cliffhanger. To make sure that she doesn't flake on you, and that she'll actually return your call, somehow get your number into her phone with your name. Because if you call her and if she doesn't recognize you number, she's not going to answer it. And then you don't want to be that guy that's constantly talking to her voicemail, and having to say, "Yeah, I thought you'd like be there and ..." You sound like an idiot; don't do that. Make sure you get your name into her phone number, so that she knows who it is.

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The Guru Black Book: Carlos Xuma

Q24: Where Do You Like To Take A Girl The First Time You Hang Out Together? Absolutely plan a non-traditional date. Don't take her to dinner. Don't take her out to a movie. You’ve got to take her some place interesting. That’s not to say that you can't eventually progress to going to get something to eat together. That's the way I like to have it happen. I want it to be organic as a natural course of the evening. But the first thing I do is I set up a late Saturday afternoon date because those can easily progress into dinner if things get cool or get really interesting with her. I'll take her someplace unique in the area. I'll tell her "You know what; I've been dying to go to this place. It’s called Kid Robot, it's down in the city. It's got some really weird little toys in it. I'll meet you there. I want to check this place out." Make sure it's someplace that you really want to go because even if she doesn't show, or if she does flake for some obscure reason, you're still having a cool time. You have to have that as your foundation. You are living your life for yourself first and foremost, and these women are coming along with you for the ride.

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The Guru Black Book: Carlos Xuma

Q25: What Do You Say To A Girl Who Asks If You Are Dating Other Women Or Calls You A Player? It depends on the woman. If she's saying that, it's a positive indicator because it shows that she cares and that she's picking up on the fact that you're not like other guys. You're not another guy she can dismiss really quickly. So what she's doing is a qualification question and she's looking to see how you're going to answer. As far as dating other women, oftentimes I have a couple of different answers depending on the woman, but more often than not I'll tell her, "You know what, I have been seeing some other women, not all of them are interesting to me. It really just depends on the person. I'm kind of interested in seeing where this might go with you." And leave it at that. Leave it very indeterminate because she's not really looking for an answer per se. She's looking to see how you answer it. She's looking to see if you are confident in your answer, or are you going to waffle around and say, "Oh... Ah... Well ah... Geez, you know, I think I got caught.” If you act like you got caught or any of that, she's going to immediately call that out in her mind and say, "This guy, he's not all that." That's what she's really looking for.

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The Guru Black Book

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