Broad City Spec Script "Tupperware Party"

July 14, 2017 | Author: MitchGarver | Category: Sex, Leisure
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The first draft of my spec for Broad City originally created by Ilaza Glazer & Abbi Jacobson....


Season 1 Episode 3.5 “TUPPERWARE PARTY”

Written by Mitch Garver

Created by Abbi Jacobson & Ilana Glazer

First Draft [email protected]

TEASER EXT. FIFTH AVENUE, HARLEM - NIGHT Dark here, almost too dark. ABBI (26) and ILANA (23) walk at a hurried pace, arm-and-arm. ILANA I don’t know, man! Maybe because you have your hair up? ABBI Just because I have my hair in a ponytail does not mean I’m, like all of the sudden a lesbian. ILANA Well, then it must’ve just been the overall progressive spirit that oozes from your pores! Take it as a compliment, dude! I mean, it takes massive kahunas to walk up to an eight like you and demand a date. ABBI I just wish someone with actual kahunas would walk up to me and demand a date. You know, like, a dude. (BEAT) You think I’m an eight? ILANA Seven point five. I round up. ABBI How much farther is the bus stop? This part of town is a little too CSI for my liking. ILANA Okay, first of all, you should never feel unsafe when you’re with me on account of my double-jointed limbs. Like, I can really kick some ass. And two, you need to learn to embrace the night, dude! Ilana prances ahead, spinning, LAUGHING - think Julie Andrews on a hillside.


ILANA (CONT’D) The nocturnal life is the life for me! In the daytime I’m like cyborg Ilana, you know? Like, just another sheep in the pride, but once that sun sets and that big glorious moon hits center stage it becomes my spotlight and tonight is tech rehearsal, you know? And I’m, like fucking the director and he’s way into butt-stuff, but still allows me to feel like a lady. Am I right?! A BEAT, thenABBI What the fuck are you talking about, dude? Ilana pulls a joint from her bag, lights it, tokes. On her exhaleILANA The night time. It’s my shit. Here. She passes to Abbi, they continue their trek. ABBI I really hope the new Hunger Games is on Netflix, ‘cause I’veA HOMELESS MAN appears from the shadowsHOMELESS MAN You girls like to feel good? Abbi SCREAMS and Ilana KICKS the Man in the crotch - he goes down hard. The girls run away as we hold on the GROANING Homeless Man. A BEAT and Ilana runs back to him. ILANA I am so sorry, sir. I’m not usually that aggressive, I’ve justHOMELESS MAN Let me munch on that kitty cat, Curly-Q. ILANA Ew, what?!


She DECKS the Man in the face, runs away. Off the Man’s fetal position we SMASH TO TITLES. ACT ONE INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Just down the hallway we can see a package in front of a door - the girls mosey toward it, oblivious. ABBI Dude, you’re not sleeping in my bed, you’re sleeping in the bathtub! ILANA I swear to God Abbi, if you sleep in that bathtub again get up in the middle of the and purposely piss all over while you’re sleeping!

make me I will night you

They reach Abbi’s door. Abbi notices the packageABBI What? Ilana still unawareILANA I’m going to mark my territory! Golden showers, bitch! ABBI No, Ilana. Look. They both investigate the package. ILANA Oh, okay. I am so drunk. This package is drunk. Go home package. ABBI Okay, maybe you need a coffee? Abbi unlocks her door, package in hand and enters, Ilana followsILANA I need my bong.


INT. ABBI’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS The girls enter to find BEVERS watching TV in the dark, SOBBING into a pillow, surrounded by candles. He regains his composure once he notices the girls. ABBI Ew, Bevers. Why are you crying? She drops her stuff on a table, heads for the coffee maker in the kitchenette. Ilana takes a seat next to BeversBEVERS Crying? Who’s crying? I’m not. These eyes are dry. They’re not slightly moist, they just appear that way because of my sea foam green iris-is-es-sis. ILANA Why are you watching Grey’s Anatomy? Bevers, slightly offendedBEVERS Because the love Meredith has for Dr. Shepherd is real! (SOBS) Whether he knows it or not! Ilana moves awayILANA Okay. A BEEPING from the televisionBEVERS (TO THE TV) Oh my God! Call a code! Don’t just stand there! Page Dr. Bailey! Page the Chief! Abbi hands Ilana a mug, they move over to the package on the tableABBI Bevers, did somebody knock on the door today?


BEVERS Yeah. A package came for you. (TO THE TV) CALL A CODE! ABBI And you left it in the hallway? BEVERS Yeah, I know how much you don’t like it when I touch your things. (TO THE TV) OH NO! HIS BP IS DROPPING! ABBI What?! You can touch things that -er, just don’t touch -- you know what? Whatever. It’s fine. BEVERS Cool! ABBI (UNDER BREATH) Why are you even in my life? ILANA Sensual Sensations? Who’s Abigail Python? Abbi’s eye widen - a low resonating TONEABBI What did you just say? Everything slows down, complete horror comes over AbbiILANA (SLO-MO) Abigail Python? The TONE again - Abbi’s in shock. She loses her balance, collapse onto the floorThe sound of a FLATLINE from the TV. BEVERS NOOO! ILANA Dude, are you okay? What’s wrong? (MORE FLATLINE) ABBI?!


Abbi rolls overABBI Sensual Sensations is the company that hosted that naughty Tupperware party we went to(BEAT) And(BEAT) I am Abigail Python. Off Ilana’s overly-shocked expression, the FLATLINE carries us into ACT TWO EXT. NEW YORK STREET - NIGHT The girls walk down a sidewalk, dressed business casual. Abbi refers to a note on her iPhoneABBI (V.O.) It happened three weeks ago, I remember it vividly. SUPER: THREE WEEKS AGO BEVERS (V.O.) Well, of course you remember it vividly, three weeks ago isn’t that long of a time span. ILANA (V.O.) Yeah, and it wasn’t even three weeks ago, it was two weeks ago. SUPER: TWO WEEKS AGO ABBI (V.O.) No, it was three. SUPER: THREE WEEKS AGO ILANA (V.O.) Okay, dude. Whatevs. Abbi and Ilana come to the front steps of a massive BrownstoneABBI This is it, 804. I’m telling you dude, Jeff at Bed, Bath and Beyond swears by this stuff.


ILANA So, you’re going to take advice from some dude just because he works at Bed, Bath and Beyond? ABBI If Jeff says that Tupperware Party Tupperware is better than Bed, Bath & Beyond Tupperware I’m going to believe him... and he’s not just some dude, he’sABBI (CONT’D) Jeff from Bed, Bath and Beyond, and he truly goes beyond for his customers.

ILANA Jeff from Bed, Bath and Beyond, and he truly goes beyond for his customers.

ILANA Yeah, you’ve said that before. ABBI Really? ILANA Yeah, at least six or seven times. ABBI Wow. Ilana RINGS the doorbellILANA You’re just lucky that the alcohol selection is typically primo at these snore-palooza’s. ABBI Okay, well let’s just try to remain classy, composed, ladies about this, okay? We don’t want another Bryant-Park-2012-situation on our hands. ILANA Oh my God! That was one time, and there aren’t even any geese here anyway, so... The door opens and we’re greeted by a tall woman-


INT. TOWNHOME - CONTINUOUS WOMAN Yay, more guests! Come in, come in, come in! I’m Jillian, your hostess! JILLIAN (50’s) offers a curtsey. The girls return the gesture not quite as gracefully as JillianABBI I’m Abbi. This is Ilana. ILANA Yo. ABBI A good friend of mine forwarded me an invite, I hope it’s okay thatJILLIAN -Oh, please! The more the merrier! That’s what I always say. (TO ILANA) Even in the bedroom, am I right, Curly-Q? She winks, Ilana recoilsJILLIAN (CONT’D) I can take your coats. If you don’t mind me asking, what friend invited you? ABBI Jeff from Bed, Bath & Beyond. JILLIAN I love Jeff! He really goes beyond for his customers. ABBI That’s what I said! Jillian hangs the girls’ coats in a closet and ushers them up a stairwayJILLIAN Everybody is up here. You’re just in time too, the demonstration is about to begin. ILANA (TO ABBI) Demonstration for Tupperware?


ABBI (TO ILANA) Yeah, probably to see how they stand up in microwaves, freezers, it’s important becauseJILLIAN -Ladies, we have two more frisky friends! The girls reach the top floor, the room is full of older women - the women CATCALL, welcoming the girlsABBI Hi there. Thank you for, er good to have you. Hi. Thanks.

ILANA What up? What up, ladies? Lookin’ good, feelin’ fine.

JILLIAN (CONT’D) Okay, girls. Bar’s in the kitchen, bathroom’s down the hall and the demonstration begins in five! Yay! ABBI Yay!


Jillian joins her friends in the living room where a table draped by a sheet faces everybody. Abbi turns to IlanaABBI Okay, I think that given the agerange of our fellow party-goers we should absolutely stick together andILANA -I gotta go take a dump. Ilana bolts down the hallway and before Abbie can even pretend to keep coolJILLIAN Abbi! Get over here, wallflower! Meet the other ladies! ABBI What? Okay, let me just get a -- my cell phone is -- I forgot that I need to -- get on a phone call in the -- the soon -- soon -- sooner? I need to get on a phone call in the sooner.


And with that, embarrassed Abbi slides into the next roomBATHROOM The nicest bathroom Ilana’s ever seen. First, she heads for the medicine cabinetILANA Score! BACK TO THE PRESENT ILANA (CONT’D) Oh yeah! That was the night I snorted those vitamin C tablets! BEVERS Why would you want to do that? ILANA I thought they were benzos. ABBI Yeah, she was trying to party, but just ended up boosting her immune system. ILANA Haven’t been sick since. BACK TO TOWNHOME BATHROOM - THREE WEEKS AGO The sound of something being SNORTED, Ilana raises her head, a slightly orange powder decorating her nostrilsShe rubs some on her gumsILANA Man this shit is good. ILANA (V.O.) And good for ya. She references the bottle: FLINTSTONES... She shrugs and pours the rest of the bottle into her bag and returns it to the cabinet. She spots something elseILANA Yes!


Something elseILANA (CONT’D) Nice! KITCHEN Abbi entersABBI I have to get on a phone call in the sooner? What the fuck is wrong with me? Just ahead of Abbi a bar is set up on the kitchen island just behind it, a very handsome BARTENDERBARTENDER What can I get you? ABBI What? BARTENDER Is there a drink I can make for you? Abbi checks behind herBARTENDER (CONT’D) Are you? You’re talking to me? He LAUGHSBARTENDER (CONT’D) YepABBI Wow, okay. Okay, great. Awesome. I will take oneIlana bolts into the roomILANA (TO THE MAN) Two Irish car bombs, a whiskey/ginger, a red wine, and make something sweet for yourself, Tiger. ABBI Ilana, what the fuck?


ILANA Dude, we may or may not have to leave like right this second. ABBI What’s that smell? ILANA Nothing we should probably just goAbbi takes a whiff of IlanaABBI Is that Vicks Vapor Rub? ILANA Yeah, it was in the bathroom and IABBI -And you helped yourself? You’re not even sick or congested or anything! ILANA Yeah, not now! She flashes Abbi the contents of her bag: the vapor rub, the vitamins, q-tips, a bar of soap, a handful of tampons, a hand towel, toothpaste... ABBI Ilana! Dude, what the fuck?! ILANA You know when I get nervous I become a clepto! Abbi pulls out a sink faucet handle from the bagABBI Why the hell would you want this? ILANA I don't know, man! It broke off in the heat of it all. I’m like really buzzing on some shit I found in there. I feel like my spine is on fire right now! ABBI What? You weren’t even gone that long. The Bartender returns-


BARTENDER Car bombs, whiskey, red wine. Anything else ladies? ILANA Yeah, your dick! ABBI Whoa there! (FAKE LAUGH) Your dick? His dick? What? She’s crazy! She’s crazy! We don’t want your dick. ILANA Yeah we do. We want it bad. ABBI Nope! She’s just -- she’s just a jokester. The bartender walks offILANA Abbi, get on my level, dude! No more awkward Abbi! C’mon now! With that, the girls take their car bombs, and by the time they SLAM their empty glasses on the tableJILLIAN (O.S.) Demonstration time! ABBI Yes! Tupperware! I almost forgot! We go into a DRUNKEN POV: leaving the kitchen and entering the living room where every eye is on us. JILLIAN Sit. Sit. Sit. We take a seat, just in front of us, the table covered by a sheet. JILLIAN (CONT’D) Let’s get this naughty Tupperware party started, ladies! ABBI Naughty?


We leave the POV and Jillian whips the sheet off of the table revealing sex toys galore: phallic vibrators, BUZZING dildos, butt-plugs, anal beads, lube, bondage and S&M equipment... ABBI (CONT’D) (HORRIFIED) Oh. My. God. ILANA (THRILLED) Oh. My. God! ACT THREE INT. ABBI’S APARTMENT - PRESENT Abbi, Ilana, and Bevers have moved to the couch, a few more candles have been litBEVERS So, you went to a Tupperware party you weren’t even invited to? Stole vast amounts of toiletries and then drunkenly purchased sex toys? ABBI Basically. BEVERS Well, let’s open the package then! I wanna see! Abbi guards the boxABBI No! No, you guys. I was highly inebriated by the time I was making my order. I don’t even know what’s in here. ILANA This is no time for prudeness, Abbi! BesidesA BEAT, a CRACK of lightning, thenILANA (CONT’D) (MELODRAMATIC) I know what you ordered. ABBI You do?


BEVERS You do? Another CRACK of lightningLINCOLN You do? Everybody SCREAMS on account of Lincoln’s sudden appearanceABBI Lincoln, how long have you been there? LINCOLN I’ve been here for the majority of the story. You’re a wonderful storyteller, Abbi. ABBI Thanks, I guess. LINCOLN You’re welcome. ILANA You should really announce yourself to a room when you enter. It’s just polite. LINCOLN My bad. ILANA Anyway. She CLEARS her throatILANA (CONT’D) I know what you ordered! BEVERS You said that already! LINCOLN Yeah, go on! ILANA Fine.


TOWNHOME - LIVING ROOM - THREE WEEKS AGO Abbi is examining a leather whip while Ilana shows a circle of eager women a few of the toysILANA (V.O) You guys were a lot more respectful toward Abbi when she was telling the story. LINCOLN (V.O.) Abbi’s just a natural storyteller. ABBI (V.O.) Thanks, Lincoln. LINCOLN (V.O.) You’re welcome. ILANA (V.O.) So Abbi started to fill out the order form when I was showing that old Russian woman how to use the remote control for the Dolphin 2.0. ABBI (V.O.) Oh, yeah. ILANA Now, be careful with that thing Olga! Slow and steady! She approaches AbbiILANA (CONT’D) O.M.G! You’re buying something? I thought for sure you’d be all butthurt about there not being any Tupperware. ABBI I was. Until I sent a very heated Facebook message to Jeff from Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I feel better now. That, and I think this Pinot is helping too. She downs the rest of her wine-


ABBI (CONT’D) I’m just going to get some lotions and oil and other boring shit because I’m Abbi and that’s the sort of stuff I’d get at a sex toy party because I’m boring-Abbi. ABBI (V.O.) I would never say something like that! ILANA (V.O) I’m telling the story now! So, when Abbi thought she was done ordering I took the liberty to add a few of my recommendations. ABBI (V.O.) You what? While Abbi’s back is turned, Ilana scribbles a few extra things on Abbi’s order sheet. Abbi turns back toward IlanaABBI I should probably use an alias, shouldn’t I? ILANA Great idea! ABBI Right? Like, I don’t want Jeremy from down the hall seeing that I have a package from some sex-toyparty-company. I don’t want him to think I’m, like some sort of sexcrazed nymphomaniac. Or do I? ILANA I know, right? Plus, these days, you gotta weary of people finding you online and these people are complete freaks! (TO PARTY-GOER) Shawna, are you leaving? Oh, well you take care and you let me know how Harold feels about that ballgag. Bye, girl! Love you! (BACK TO ABBI) Complete. Freaks.


JILLIAN Excuse me! Did anybody happen to accidentally take -- like, all the toiletries from the bathroom? ILANA Yikes. Later! Ilana eases out of sight. Abbi grips the pen, hovers over the NAME box of the form. She scribes “ABIGAIL” and drastically looks around the room for inspirationShe spots the anal beads -- no The double-headed dildo -- no The edible lingerie -- no She spots the largest thing on the display table: a two foot long black dildo with a name emblazon on the side: THE PYTHON ABBI (UNDER HER BREATH) Perfect. She finishes signing her new name, hands the form to JillianJILLIAN Thanks so much, Abbi! Hey, you don’t know where your friend went to, do you? It’s just, somebody said that she smelled of vapor rub and saw a few tampons sticking out of her bag, andABBI Friend? What are you talking about? I came to this party alone. JILLIAN What? No, no, your friend. Ilana? ABBI Oh my God. My mother’s name was Ilana, but she died when I was six. Oh my God. You saw her?! With me?! Are you a medium? Is she in the room right now? Abbi slowly backs away-


ABBI (CONT’D) Mom? Mommy? Are you here? Mom? She makes it to the stairwell where Ilana is waiting, they SLAP five and head down the stairs. ACT FOUR INT. ABBI’S APARTMENT The gang has gathered around the coffee table, no one is speaking, all eyes are on the unopened package. A BEAT, thenILANA I can’t take this anymore! She lunges for the box, Bevers joins in and begins scratching at the tapeBEVERS What’s in the box?! WHAT’S IN THE BOX?! LINCOLN You guys! He grabs the package, hands it to AbbiLINCOLN (CONT’D) Abbi’s name’s is -- er, Abbi’s name is sorta on the package so she should be the one that opens it. We must respect the federal mail system. ABBI Thanks, Lincoln. I was starting to feel like I was in the climax of Se7ev. BEVERS Does that make me Brad? ILANA Shut up, Bevers. She hands Abbi a pair of scissorsILANA (CONT’D) Here, girl!


ABBI You know what? Ilana, you should open it. It’s basically your order andILANA Yes! She STABS the box. One long gash and we’re in. Ilana is a kid on Christmas morning. She upturns the box spewing its contents onto the tableThe last object to fall, the largest, THE PYTHON. It lands with a THUD, a unanimous GASP. ABBI You bought The Python? ILANA Well, technically you bought The Python, but YES! I got it for me and Lincoln. Lincoln picks up the massive dildoLINCOLN This ain’t right. Sex toys in general ain’t right. Why do adults need toys? We’re not children. ILANA And Abbi, I got you this! She hands her a small container. Abbi examines the container, readingABBI Crystal Kegel Egg: Vaginal Exercise Tool? ILANA Ever since you told me about Dreadlock-Larry refusing to see you again on account of your shy butthole I figured we might as well tighten up your front hole that way guys will stop wanting to migrate south on you and ultimately leaving you. Alone. And empty.


ABBI Okay first off, just because I think my poop shoot is a one way street doesn't mean I have a shy butthole, and secondly I’m feeling slightly creeped out by the nature of this gift -- but, thanks -- I suppose. BEVERS What did you get me? ILANA Oh, well. Bevers, you’re not in my life as a sexual being, you know? Your sexual needs aren’t the first sexual needs I think of when prompted with a sex toy ordering catalogue. Now, had we gone to a party where you can buy gym shorts and ranch-flavored junk food, I definitely would’ve pulled through for you, bro. BEVERS I see. ABBI Here Bevers, you can have this body oil. She tosses a bottle to BeversBEVERS Ooh, 100% natural botanical blend! He exits to his bedroom, oil in hand. Ilana turns to Lincoln, who is still inspecting The PythonILANA Now, I know it seems like a novelty, but I’ve made a mental checklist of ways we can really put this baby to use. We’ll need a ceiling fan, bungee chords and at least a handful of seedless red grapes. ABBI Ew, what?


ILANA You’re right. (TO LINCOLN) Make it two handfuls. We’re going to need our stamina. Abbi gets up from the floor, heads toward her room. ABBI You guys do what you want. I’m passing out. Ilana tosses Abbi her Kegel EggILANA Don’t forget your new best friend. ABBI I don’t know, Ilana. I don’t really feel like putting anything inside of me tonight, you know? ILANA Your vaginal wall will thank you! ABBI I highly doubt that! She leaves. Ilana takes The Python from Lincoln’s hands and they begin making out on the couchLincoln takes The Python and sets it back down on the coffee table. Ilana picks it back up. Lincoln takes it and returns it to the coffee table. Ilana picks it back up, Lincoln sets it down. Ilana picks it back up, Lincoln sets it back down. They stop kissingLINCOLN Ilana, look. I’m cool with this whole friends-with-benefits thing and I really enjoy your adventurous charisma in the bedroom, but this might be too much. ILANA What? I thought you’d love it. She slides the dildo across his face, he bats it away.


LINCOLN No! No, I do not love it. I guess I just prefer to be the biggest dick in the bed. I actually prefer to be the only dick in the bed, if we’re being honest. ILANA Whatever you want, dude. One big, black dick is enough for me. She tosses The Python. A CHIME, Ilana checks her phoneILANA (CONT’D) It’s Abbi. ON THE SCREEN: “LADY EMERGENCY. GET. IN. HERE. NOW!” ILANA (CONT’D) Uh, I’ll be right back. ABBI’S ROOM Ilana enters to find half-naked Abbi squatting on her bedILANA Dude! ABBI It’s not coming out! ILANA What’s not coming out? ABBI The cast of Glee! What the hell do you think I mean? The egg! (BEAT) IT’S STUCK! Another CRACK of lightning. ILANA This is some weird weather we’ve been having. ABBI Shut up, just help me! ILANA Right, right, right.


INT. ABBI’S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER Abbi has taken to lying on her back, both of her legs propped up as though she’s minutes away from giving birth. Ilana’s playing doctorILANA Oh holy shit, dude! I see it! ABBI Just get it out of me! She WAILS in painLincoln entersLINCOLN Ya’ll can’t be screaming like this. It’s four o’clock in the morning. You gotta be considerate of your neighbors. (BEAT) Whoa. Abbi, are you having a baby right now? ILANA You gotta give me a big push, Ab! LINCOLN Oh my god, Lincoln. Please, please get out. ILANA He’s a medical professional! ABBI He’s a dentist! She SCREAMS againILANA (TO LINCOLN) It’s stuck. (TO ABBI) He’s not going to look, Abbi. He’s just here for moral support. No woman should have to go through this alone. Haven’t you ever seen Where the Heart Is? Natalie Portman gave birth in a Costco, dude! You got this!


ABBI You guys know, I’m not really having a baby right now, right? ILANA Do it for Natalie! (BEAT) Okay, we’ve gotta head! ABBI What? Another WAILBeavers enters this time. He’s panicked, he’s nearly naked, he’s covered in oilSLO-MO BEVERS What’s going on? He starts to slip on some oilBEVERS (CONT’D) WhoaHis foot catches The Python, throwing him into a slippery free-fall. Bevers SCREAMS, Abbi SCREAMS - Bevers lands directly onto Abbi. With a very unnatural POP the egg SHOOTS out of Abbi Nailing Ilana right in the skull. ABBI (SIGH OF RELIEF) Oh thank god. Ilana goes down hard landing next to Bevers who has wound up in a oil slick next to the bed. Everybody MOANS in pain, save for LincolnLINCOLN You know, I’m not really one for saying ‘I told you so’ (BEAT) But, I did. Tell you guys so. I told all of you so. Now look at you. ILANA (O.S.) I might concussion have. Tomato soup dreidel...


TAG INT. ABBI’S APARTMENT - NEXT MORNING Abbi is packing up the sex toys back into their original package. On a Post-it she has written ONLY USED ONCE. Signed, UNSATISFIED CUSTOMER. She places the Post-It onto the egg. Abbi’s video chat RINGTONE - she grabs her laptop, answers. It’s Ilana. INT. ILANA’S APARTMENT Ilana’s wearing only a towel, has an ace bandage wrapped around her head where the egg hit her, and is cradling her bong. INTERCUT BETWEEN ABBI What up? ILANA Dude! Apparently, I have health insurance! ABBI Wow, congratulations. How’s the head? ILANA Good as new, my friend. She CLICK her tongue and knocks on the wound, GRIMACES in painABBI Yeah, I wouldn’t touch that. ILANA No worries. I got all the pain killers I could need. She displays her bongILANA (CONT’D) What are you doing? Abbi shows the box-


ABBI I’m sending these booby traps back to where they came from. ILANA (GIGGLING) Boobies. (BEAT) Good riddance, dude! Lincoln was right. We are adults. We do not play with toys. ABBI Right. ILANA We play with each other! She shakes her chest for the camera. ABBI Okay. ILANA So, I was thinking. I did you a major solid by not only thinking of you and your vaginal health by getting you the egg in the first place, but also by helping you get it out when it got stuck and then also by taking a huge one for the team by literally allowing you to shoot said egg from your lady tunnel directly into my skull leaving me concuss. (GASP FOR AIR) Sooooo, I need a favor from you now. ABBI Fine, what is it? Ilana drops her towel revealing her breastILANA How’s my nip to areola ratio? ABBI Oh my God, Ilana! FADE TO BLACK.

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