Book of Limericks 01 Lear

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A BOOK OF LIMERICKS

Tiiere was an Old Derry down Dcrry, Who loved \o see tiffle folks merry;

3o he made

them a Book. wi^h laughter ^h8y Shook A^ the fun oflhat Derry down Derry.

And

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Man with a nose, " If you choose to suppose

There was an Old

Who

said,

That

my

nose

is

That remarkable

too long, you are certainly wrong

Man

!

with a nose.

There was a Young Person of Smyrna, Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her But she seized on the Cat, and

You incongruous Old Woman

said,

"Granny, burn

of Smyrna

" !

that

A BOOK OF NONSENSE^

26

There was an Old

Man on

a

hill,

Who seldom, if ever, stood still He ran up and down in his Grandmother's Which adorned that Old Man on a hill.

There was an Old Person of Chili, Whose conduct was painful and silly

He

sate

on the

stairs,

gown,

;

eating apples and pears.

That imprudent Old Person of

Chili.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old

Who bumped

at

But they called

Man

it all

out, "

27

with a gong,

the day long

Oh, law

you

!

're

a horrid old bore

So they smashed that Old

Man

with a gong.

There was an Old

Man

of Kilkenny,

Who never had more than a penny He spent all that money in onions and That wayward Old

Man

of Kilkenny.

honey,

" !

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

28

There was an Old Man of Columbia, was thirsty, and called out for some beer But they brought it quite hot,' in a small copper

Who

Which

disgusted that

man

pot.

of Columbia.

,^„,,^'-y"\

There was an Old Man in a tree, Who was horribly bored by a Bee ; When they said, " Does it buzz? " he It

's

a regular brute of a Bee."

replied,

" Yes,

it

does

!

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old Lady of Chertsey,

Who made

a remarkable curtsey

She twirled round and round,

Which

distressed

all

till

she sank underground.

the people of Chertsey.

There was a Young Lady whose chin

Resembled the point of a pin So she had it made sharp, and purchased a harp, ;

And

played seyeral tunes with her chin.

29

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

30

Man with a " sarpint " ran into his boot

There was an Old

A

But he played day and night,

And avoided

that

Man

with a

flute,

till

—

the " sarpint " took

flute.

There was a Young Lady of Portugal,

Whose

ideas were excessively nautical

She climbed up a

tree to

examine the

sea.

But declared §be would never leave P6rtuga],

flight,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old Person of Ischia, Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier He danced hornpipes and jigs, and ate thousands of figs, That

Old Person of Ischia

lively

There was an Old

Who

lived

When

Man

of Vienna,

upon Tincture of Senna

that did not agree,

That nasty Old

Man

;

he took Camomile Tea,

of Vienna,

31

A BOOK OF NONSENSE

32

•?r-

There was an Old Man Who said, " I 'm afloat

When

in a boat, !

I

'm

they said, "

!

afloat !

No, you ain't " he was ready Man in a boat. unhappy Old That

to faint,

There was an Old Person of Buda, Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder, Till at last with

a

hammer

they silenced his clamor,

3y smashing that Person of Buda.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old Man of Moldavia, Who had the most curious behavior on a For while he was able, he slept Moldavia. of Man Old funny That

•S3

table,

There was an Old Person of Hurst, drank when he was not athirst " What matter? When they said, " You '11 grow fatter " he answered

Who

!

That globular Person of Hurst.

A BOOK OF nonsensp:.

There was an Old Man of Madras, rode on a cream-colored Ass ; But the length of its ears so promoted

Who

That

it

kiUed that Old

Man

his fears,

of Madras.

r There was an Old Person of Dover,

Who

rushed through a

field

of blue clover

But some very large Bees stung

So he very soon went back

his

nose and his knees.

to Dover.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

ITiere was an

Old Person of Leeds,

Whose head was She

sat

on a

infested with beads

stool

and

Which agreed with

ate gooseberry-fool,

that Person of Leeds.

There was an Old Person of Cadiz, Who was always polite to all ladies But in handing his daughter, he fell

;

into the water,

Which drowned that Old Person of Cadiz.

35

A BOOK OF NONSENSE

36

There was an Old Man of the Isles, Whose face was pervaded with smiles

He

sang

**

High dum

That amiable

Man

;

diddle," and played on the fiddle,

of the

Isles.

There was an Old Person of Basing,

Whose presence

He

of mind was amazing

purchased a steed, which he rode

And

at full speed,

escaped from the people of Basing.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

37

There was an Old Man who supposed That the street door was partially closed But some very large Rats ate

While that

futile

his coats and Old Gentleman dozed.

his hats,

There was an Old Person whose habits Induced him to feed upon Rabbits

When he 'd eaten eighteen, he turned perfectly Upon which he relinquished those habits.

green,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old Man of the West, Who wore a pale plum-colored vest When they said, " Does it fit?" he replied, " Not a

That uneasy Old

Man

There was an Old

bit

of the West.

Man

of Marseilles,

daughters wore bottle-green veils

Whose They caught several Fish, which they put And sent to their Pa at Marseilles. :

in a dish,

!

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old

Whose

shoes

But they

Man

made

39

of the Wrekin,

a horrible creaking

said, " Tell us

whether your shoes are of leather,

Or of what, you Old Man

of the Wrekin?

"

There was a Young Lady whose nose

Was

so long that

it

reached to her toes

;

So she hired an Old Lady, whose conduct was

To

carry that wonderful nose.

steady,

40

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was a Young Lady of Norway, Who casually sat in a doorway ;

When

the door squeezed her

flat,

she exclaimed, "

" What of that ?

This courageous Young Lady of Norway.

There was an Old Man of Apulia, Whose conduct was very peculiar He fed twenty sons upon nothing but buns, ;

That whimsical

Man

of Apulia.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old

A

Man

cried, "

That angry Old

—

neck

beetle ran over his

But he

of Quebec,

41

With a needle

Man

I

'11

slay you,

O beadle

of Quebec.

There was a Young Lady of Bute,

Who

played on a

silver-gilt flute

She played several

jigs to

her Uncle's white Pigs

That amusing Young Lady of Bute.

;

** !

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

4^

There was an Old Person of Philoe, Whose conduct was scroobious and wily He rushed up a Palm when the weather was calm, ;

And

observed

all

There was an Old

Who

the ruins of Philoe.

Man

with a poker,

painted his face with red ochre.

When

they said, "

But knocked them

You

're

a

all dowjri

Guy

!

" he

made no

with his pokej.

reply,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

43

There was an Old Person of Prague,

Who

was suddenly seized with the plague

But they gave him some

And cured

that

butter,

Old Person of Prague.

There was an Old

Who

;

which caused him to mutter,

watched

Man

his wife

But once, by mistake,

That unfortunate

Man

of Peru,

making a stew in a stove

of Peru.

;

she did bake

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

44

There was an Old

Who

fell

Man

of the North,

into a basin of broth

;

But a laudable cook fished him out with a hook,

Which saved

that

Old

Man

of the North.

-"^"^--JL.

There was an Old Person of Troy, Whose drink was warm brandy and

Which he took In sight of the

soy,

with a spoon, by the light of the city of

Troy.

moon.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

45

There was an Old Person of Mold,

Who

slirank

from sensations of cold

So he purchased some muffs, some And wrapped himself well from the

furs,

and some

cold.

There was an Old Person of Tring, iVho embellished his nose with a ring

He

gazed

That

at the

ecstatic

moon

every evening in June,

Old Person of Tring.

fluffs,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

46

Man

There was an Old

From

his horse

had a

of Nepaul,

terrible fall

But, though split quite in two, with

They mended

that

There was an Old

Who Till

sharpened

he cut off

Qf sharpening

man

of Nepaul.

Man

of the Nile,

his nails with a

his

some very strong glue

file.

thumbs, and said calmly, " This comes

one's nails with a

file

.!

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old

Man

of

th'

Abruzzi,

So blind that he could n't his foot see When they said, " That 's your toe," he

That doubtful Old

Man

There was an Old

Who Till

of

th'

Man

47

replied, " Is

it

so

Abruzzi.

of Calcutta,

perpetually ate bread and butter

a great bit of muffin, on which he was stuffing,

Choked

that horrid

Old

Man

of Calcutta.

?

"

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

48

There was an Old Person of Rhodes,

Who strongly objected to toads He paid several cousins to catch them That

futile

There was an Old Man of the South, Who had an immoderate mouth ; But in swallowing a dish that was quite

He

by dozens,

Old Person of Rhodes.

was choked, that Old

Man

full

of Fish,

of the South,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

49

There was an Old Man of Melrose, walked on the tips of his toes

Who

But they

You

said, " It ain't pleasant to see

stupid Old

Man

of Melrose."

There was an Old

Man

of the Dee,

Who was When he

sadly

annoyed by a Flea

said,

"

Which grieved

I will scratch

that

Old

Man

it

!

you

at present,

;

" they gave

of the Dee.

him

a hatchet,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

sa

There was a Young Lady of Lucca,

Whose

lovers completely forsook her

She ran up a

tree,

and

Which embarrassed

There was an Old

The

He

Man

said " Fiddle-de-dee

" !

the people of Lucca.

of Coblenz,

length of whose legs was

immense

went with one prance from Turkey to France,

That surprising Old

Man

of Coblenz.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old

Man

Whose daughter was But one day, to

Which grieved

of Bohemia,

christened

his grief, she

that

Old

Man

There was an Old Man of Corfu, Who never knew what he should do So he rushed up and down,

That bewildered Old

Man

till

51

thief.

of Bohemia.

;

the sun

of Corfu.

Euphemia

married a

made him brown,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

52

There was an Old

Who

When

of Vesuvius,

the flames burnt his book, to drinking he took,

That morbid Old

There was an Old

Who

Man

studied the works of Vitruvius

Man

Man

of Vesuvius.

of Dundee,

frequented the top of a tree

When disturbed by And exclaimed, " I

the Crows, he abruptly arose, " return to Dundee !

'11

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

S3

There was an Old Lady whose folly Induced her to sit in a holly Whereon, by a thorn her dress being She quickly became melancholy. ;

There was an Old Man on some rocks, Who shut his Wife up in a box When she said, " Let me out," he exclaimed,

torn,

:

You

will

pass

all

your

life

in that box."

**

Without doubt

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

54

There was an Old Person of Rheims,

Who

was troubled with horrible dreams

So to keep him awake they fed him with cake, Which amused that Old Person of Rheims.

There was an Old

The

Man

of Leghorn,

smallest that ever was born

,

;

But quickly snapt up he was once by a Puppy, Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old

Whose

Man

in a

pew,

waistcoat was spotted with blue

But he tore

it

That cheerful Old

There was an Old

;

in pieces, to give to his Nieces,

Man

Man

in a

pew.

of Jamaica,

Who

suddenly married a Quaker But she cried out, " Oh, lack I have married a black !

Which

distressed that

Old

Man

of Jamaica.

" !

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

56

There was an Old Man who said, " How Shall I flee from this horrible Cow ? I will sit on this stile, and continue to smile.

Which may

soften the heart of that

Cow."

There was a Young Lady of Troy, Whom several large flies did annoy

Some

she killed with a thump, some she drowned at the pump,

And some

she took with her to Troy.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

57

There was a Young Lady of Hull, Who was chased by a virulent Bull But she seized on a spade, and called out,

Which

"Who's

distracted that virulent Bull.

There was an Old Person of Dutton,

Whose head was as small as a button So to make it look big he purchased a And rapidly rushed about Dutton,

wig,

afraid?"

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

58

There was an Old Man who said, " Hush " I perceive a young bird in this bush !

When It is

small ? " he replied, " " four times as big as the bush

they said,

*'

Is

it

Not

at all

!

There was a Young Lady of Russia,

Who

screamed so that no one could hush her

—

Her screams were extreme, no one heard such a scream As was screamed by that Lady of Russia.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

59

There was a Young Lady of Tyre,

Who

swept the loud chords of a lyre

;

At the sound of each sweep she enraptured the deep,

And eachanted

the city of Tyre.

There was an Old Person of Bangor,

Whose

He

face

was distorted with anger

and subsisted on That boragcible Person of Bangor. tore off his boots,

roots,

There was an Old

Who

gave

But they

That

all

all

Man

of the East,

his children a feast

ate so

much, and Old

Man

There was an Old

Man

it

killed that

Who

conduct was such,

of the Coast,

placidly sat on a post

But when

And

their

of the East.

it

was cold he relinquished

called for

some hot buttered

his hold,

toast.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

-There was an Old

Who His

To

Man

of Kamschatka,

possessed a remarkably

gait all

and

the

his

6i

fat

Cur

;

waddle were held as a model

fat doars in

Kamschatka.

There was an Old Person of Gretna,

Who

rushed

When

down

they said, "

the crater of Etna Is

it

;

hot? " he replied, " No,

That mendacious Old Person of Gretna.

it 's

not

" !

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

62

There was an Old Man with a beard, Who sat on a Horse when he reared But they

You

said, "

propitious

Never mind

Old

There was an Old

Man

!

you

Man

thin

;

he once, by mistake, was mixed up

So they baked

that

Old

behind,

!

of BerUn,

Whose form was uncommonly Till

will fall off

with a beard

Man

of Berlin.

in a cake,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old

Who never

Man

63

of the West,

could get any rest

set him to spin on his nose and Which cured that Old Man of the West.

So they

his chin,

There was an Old Person of Cheadle Was put in the stocks by the Beadle For stealing some pigs, some coats, and some wigs,

That horrible person of Cheadle.

BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old Person of Anerley, Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly

He

rushed

down

But returned

;

the Strand with a Pig in each hand,

in the

evening to Anerley.

There was a Young Lady of Wales,

Who

caught a large Fish without scales

When That

she

lifted

ecstatic

;

her hook, she exclaimed, " Only look

Young Lady of Wales.

!

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

65

There was a Young Lady of Welling, Whose praise all the world was a-telling She played on the harp, and caught several Carp, That accomplished Young Lady of Welling.

There was an Old Person of Tartary,

Who

divided his jugular artery

But he screeched to

Your death

will

be

his Wife,

felt

by

all

;

and she

Tartary

said,

" !

**

Oh, ray

life

!

BOOK OF NONSENSE.

A.

66

There was an Old

Who

danced a

Man

of Whitehaven,

quadrille with a

Raven

But they said, " It 's absurd to encourage this bird So they smashed that Old Man of Whitehaven.

There was a Young Lady of Sweden, Who went by the slow train to Weedon

When

they cried, "

Weedon

Station

!

!

;

" she

But thought she should go back to Sweden.

made no

observation,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

:67

a

There was an Old Person of Chester,

Whom

several small children did pester

They threw some

And

large stones,

which broke most of

his bones.

displeased that Old Person of Chester.

There was an Old

Who

Man

of the Cape,

possessed a large Barbary

Till the

Ape, one dark night,

Which burned

that

Ape

set the

;

house

Old Man of the Cape.

all

alight,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

68

There was an Old Person of Burton,

Whose answers were

When That

they said, "

distressing

rather uncertain

How

d'

ye do

?

Who

are

Old Person of Burton.

There was an Old Person of

Who

;

" he replied,

casually

fell

And when he was

in the

Ems

Thames

;

found, they said he was drowned,

That unlucky Old Person of Ems.

you? "

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

69

There was a Young Girl of Majorca, Whose Aunt was a very fast walker She walked seventy miles, and leaped

Which astonished

fifteen stiles,

that Girl of Majorca.

There was a Young Lady of Poole,

Whose soup was So she put

it

excessively cool

to boil

;

by the aid of some

That ingenious Young Lady of Poole.

oil,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

7©

There was an Old Lady of Prague, Whose language was horribly vague

When

they said,

"Are

these caps?" she answered, " Perhaps

!

That oracular Lady of Prague.

There was a Young Lady of Parma, Whose conduct grew calmer and calmer When they said, " Are you dumb? " she merely That provoking Young Lady of Parma.

said, "

Hum

" !

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

71

There was an Old Person of Sparta,

Who had twenty-five sons and one " darter " He fed them on Snails, and weighed them in scales, ;

That wonderful Person of Sparta.

There was an Old Man on whose nose Most birds of the air could repose ;

But they

Which

all

flew

away

relieved that

at the closing of day.

Old

Man and

his nose.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

72

There was a Young Lady of Turkey, Who wept when the weather was murky

When

the day turned out

fine,

she ceased to repine,

That capricious Young Lady of Turkey.

There was an Old Man of Aosta Who possessed a large Cow, but he But they

You

said, "

invidious

lost

her

Don't yon see she has run up a

Old

Man

of Aosta?

"

tree,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE,

There was a Young Person of Crete, Whose toilette was far from complete She dressed

in

;

a sack spickle-speckled with black,

That ombliferous Person of Crete.

There was a Young Lady of Clare,

Who

was madly pursued by a Bear she found she was tired, she abruptly expired, ;

When

That unfortunate Lady of

Clare.

73

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

74

There was a Young Lady of Dorking, Who bought a large bonnet for walking But

its

color

and

size so

;

bedazzled her eyes,

That she very soon went back

to

Dorking

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old Man of Cape Horn, Who wished he had never been bom So he

sat

on a Chair

till

he died of despair,

That dolorous Man of Cape Horn.

75

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

76

There was an old Person of Cromer, Who stood On one leg to read Homer

When

he found he grew

Which concluded

that

stiff,

;

he jumped over the

Person of Cromer.

cliff,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was an Old

Whose

He

Man

77

of the Hague,

ideas were excessively vague

;

a balloon to examine the moon, That deluded Old Man of the Hague. built

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

7S

There was an Old Person of Spain, Who hated all trouble and pain So he

sate

on a

chair with his feet in the

That umbrageous Old Person of Spain,

air,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

79

There was an Old Man who said, " Well Will nobody answer this bell? I

have pulled day and night,

But nobody answers

this bell

till !

my

hair has

grown

white,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

So

There was an Old

Man

with an Owl,

Who continued to bother and howl He sat on a rail, and imbibed bitter Which

refreshed that

Old Man and

ale.

his

Owl.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE,

There was an Old Man in a casement, Who held up his hands in amazement When they said, " Sir, you '11 fall " he !

That incipient Old

Man

in a casement.

replied, "

3i

Not

at all

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

$2

There was an Old Person of Ewell, Who chiefly subsisted on gruel But to make it more nice, he inserted some Mice,

Which

refreshed that Old Person of Ewell.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE,

There was an Old

Who So he

That

Man

of Peru,

never knew what he should do tore off bis hair, intrinsic

Old

83

and behaved

Man of

Peru.

;

like

a bear.

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

84

There was an Old

Who said, Two Owls Have

" It

is

Man

with a beard,

just as I feared

!

—

and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren.

all built

their nests in

my

beard."

There was a Young Lady whose eyes Were unique as to color and size ; When she opened them wide, people •And started away

in surprise.

all

turned aside,

A BOOK OF NONSENSE.

There was a Young Lady of Ryde, Whose shoe-strings were seldom untied ; She purchased some clogs, and some small spotty Dogs,

And

frequently walked about Ryde.

There was a Young Lady whose bonnet

Came

untied

But she

said,

when "

I

Are welcome to

sit

upon

the birds sate

don't care

on

mv

!

all

it

the birds in the air

bonnet

" !

8S

ONE HUNDRED NONSENSE PICTURES AND RHYMES.

A

A Who And

was an ape, stole

tied

some white

up

his toes

In four beautiful bows.

a Funny

old ape

!

tape,

B

B

was a

bat,

Who

slept

And

fluttered about

When

all

the day,

the sun went away.

Brown

little

bat

c

was a camel

You rode on his hump And if you fell off, You came down such a bump

C What a

high camel

J

!

D

D Who

was a dove, lived in a wood,

With such pretty

And

soft wings,

so gentle and good

Pear

little

dove

!

E

E Who And And

was an eagle, sat

on the rocks,

looked down on the the far-away flocks.

Beautiful eagle

fields

was a fan

Made of beautiful stuff; And when it was used, It

went puffy-puff-puff

Nice

little

fan

!

G G

was a gooseberry.

Perfectly red

To be made into jam, And eaten with bread.

g Gooseberry red

1

H

H

Who

was a heron, stood in a stream

The length of his neck And his legs was extreme.

Long-legged heron 10

I

I

was an inkstand,

Which stood on

a table,

With a nice pen

to write with

When we

Neat

are able.

little

inkstand

%|

was a jug,

So pretty and white, With fresh water in it At morning and night.

J Nice

little

jug

K

K

was a kingfisher

Quickly he

flew,

So bright and so pretty Green, purple, and blue.

Kingfisher blue

L

L

was a

lily,

So white and so sweet

To see it and smell it Was quite a nice treat.

1 Beautiful

lily

M

M Who

was a man, walked round and round

And he wore

;

a long coat

That came down to the ground.

m Funny old man

!

N was a nut So smooth and so brown

And when

was

it

ripe,

tumble-dum-down.

It fell

n Nice

little

nut

O o Who If

was an

you

He

oyster,

lived in his shell let

felt

him. alone,

perfectly well.

O Open-mouthed

oyster

!

p

Jl

was a poUy,

All red, blue,

The most

and green,

beautiful

poUy

That ever was seen.

Poor

little

poUy

-

Q

Vc^

was a

Made

into a

quill

pen do not know where, And I cannot say when.

But

I

Nice

little quill

R

R

was a rattlesnake,

Rolled up so

tight,

Those who saw him ran quickly. For fear he should bite.

r Rattlesnake bite

!

Cj

was a screw

To screw down a box And then it was fastened ;

Without any locks.

Valuable screw

T X Of

was a thimble, silver so bright

When

placed on the finger,

It fitted so tight

t Nice

little

thimble

!

u

u

was an upper-coat,

Woolly and warm,

To wear

over

all

In the snow or the storm.

U What

a nice upper-coat

i

V

V

was a veil With a border upon

And a All

ribbon to

it,

tie it

round a pink bonnet.

V Pretty green veil

I

w

w

Where,

was a watch, in letters of gold.

The hour of the day You might always behold.

W Beautiful watch

I

X

was King Xerxes,

Who wore on his head A mighty large turban, Green, yellow, and red.

X Look

at

King Xerxes

!

Y

^

'i^iLj^

..

llj

Y From

was a yak, the land of Thibet

P^xcept his white

He

was

all

tail,

black as

y I>o6k at the yak

jet.

^_^ was

a zebra,

All striped white

and black

;

he were tame,

And if You might

ride

on

his back.

Z Pretty striped zabra

There was a young person of Bantry,

Who

frequently slept in the pantry

When

disturbed by the mice, she appeased them with That judicious young person of Bantry.

There was an Old

Whose

feelings

When

they said,

Man

rice,

at a Junction,

were wrung with compunction

"The Train's gone!" he

forlorn!"

But remained on the

rails

of the Junction.

exclaimed,

"How

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

28

There was an old person of Minety, Who purchased five hundred and ninety Large apples and pears, which he threw unawares At the heads of the people of Minety.

There was an old man of Thermopyloe,

Who

never did anything properly said, " If you choose to boil eggs in your shoes.

But they

You

shall

never remain in Thermopyloe."

MqRE NONSENSE

29

PICTURES.

There was an old person of Deal, Who in walking used only his heel When they said, "Tell us why?" he made no

reply,

That mysterious old person of Deal.

There was an old man on the Humber, Who dined on a cake of Burnt Umber When he said, " It's enough !" they only

You amazing old man on the Humber

!

said,

" Stuff!

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

30

There was an old man in a barge. Whose nose was exceedingly large But

in fishing

Which helped

There was an old

A

by

night,

that old

man

it

supported a

man

light.

in a barge.

of Dunrose

parrot seized hold of his nose.

When

he grew melancholy, they

Which soothed

that old

man

said,

" His

of Dunrose.

name

's

Polly,"

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

31

There was an old man of Toulouse

Who

purchased a new pair of shoes

When

;

they asked, " Are they pleasant ? " he said,

*'

Not

at present

That turbid old man of Toulouse.

There was an old person of Bree,

Who

frequented the depths of the sea

She nurs'd the small fishes, and washed And swam back again into Bree.

all

the dishes,

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

32

There was an old person of Bromley, Whose ways were not cheerful or comely He sate in the dust, eating spiders and crust, That unpleasing old person of Bromley.

There was an old person of

Who

Shields,

frequented the vallies and fields

All the

mice and the

Followed

after that

cats,

and the snakes and the

person of Shields.

rats,

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

33

There was an old man of Dunluce, Who went out to sea on a goose When he 'd gone out a mile, he observed with a " It is time to return to Dunluce." :

There was an old man of Dee-side Whose hat was exceedingly wide. But he said, " Do not fail, if it happen

To come

under

my

hat at Dee-side

" !

smile,

to hail,

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

34

There was an old person

A

in black,

Grasshopper jumped on

When That

it

chirped in his

his

ear,

back

he was smitten with

fear,

helpless old person in black.

There was an old man of the Dargle

Who

purchased

six barrels of

Gargle

;

For he said, " I '11 sit still, and will roll them down For the fish in the depths of the Dargle."

hill,

MORE NONSENSE

PICTURES.

35

Tliere was an old person of Pinner,

As

thin as a lath,

if

They dressed him That

elastic old

not thinner

in white,

and

roll'd

him up

person of Pinner.

There was an old person of China, Whose daughters were Jiska and Dmah, Amelia and Fluffy, Olivia and Chufify,

And

all

of them settled in China.

tigl.t.

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

36

There was an old man in a Marsh, Whose manners were futile and harsh ; He sate on a log, and sang songs to a frog, That instructive old man in a Marsh.

There was an old person of

Brill,

Who

purchased a shirt with a frill But they said, " Don't you wish, you

You obsequious

may n't

old person of Brill ? "

look

like

a

fish,

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES

There was an old person of Wick,

Who

said, " Tick-a-Tick,

Tick-a-Tick

And

Chickabee, Chickabaw."

;

he said nothing more,

That laconic old person of Wick.

There was an old man at a Station, Who made a promiscuous oration But they said, " Take some snuff - You have !

You

afflicting

oldmai; ataStatiorj

talk'd quite

enough,

MORE NONSENSE

38

PICTURES.

There was an old man of Three Bridges, distracted by midges, He sate on a wheel, eating underdone veal,

Whose mind was Which

relieved that old

man

of Three Bridges,

There was an old man of Hong Kong, Who never did anything wrong ;

He

lay

on

his back, with his

head

in a sack,

That innocuous old man of Hong Kong.

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was a young person in green, Who seldom was fit to be seen She wore a long shawl, over bonnet and Which enveloped that person in green.

39

;

There was an old person of Fife, Who was greatly disgusted with life They sang him a ballad, and fed him on

all,

;

Which cured

that old person of Fife.

salad,

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

40

There was an old man who screamed out Whenever they knocked him about So they took

And

off his boots,

There was a young lady

Who

looked out

at the

But the birds of the

And

and fed him with

fruits,

continued to knock him about.

in white,

depths of the night

air, filled

her heart with despair,

oppressed that young lady in white.

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was an old person of Slough, Who danced at the end of a bough But they said, " If you sneeze, you might damage the

4T

;

You

trees,

imprudent old person of Slough."

There was an old person of Down, Whose face was adorned with a frown When he opened the door, for one minute or more,

He

alarmed

all

the people of

Down.

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

42

There was a young person

Who

in red,

.

carefully covered her head,

With a bonnet of leather, and three Besides some long ribands of red.

lines of feather,

Theve was an old person of Hove,

Who

frequented the depths of a grove

Where he That

;

studied his books, with the wrens and the rooks,

tranquil old person of

Hove.

43

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was a young person in pink, Who called out for something to drink

" there 's nothing but water But they said, O my daughter, Which vexed that young person in pink.

There was an old lady of France, dance taught little ducklings to

Who

;

" Tick-a-tack " they only said, she said, France. Which grieved that old lady of

When

!

Quack

^^ !

44

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES,

St There was an old person of Putney, Whose food was roast spiders and chutney, Which he took with his tea, within sight of the That romantic old person of Putney.

^^

^H^

I

There was an old person of Loo, Who said, "What on earth shall I do?" When they said, " Go away " she continued That vexatious old person of Loo!

sea,

_

to stay,

t

MORE NONSENSE

PICTURES.

45

There was an old person of Woking, Whose mind was perverse and provoking He sate on a rail, with his head in a pail, That illusive old person of Woking.

There was an old person of Dean Who dined on one pea, and one bean For he said, " More than that, would make That cautious old person of Dean.

me

too

fat,'

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

46

There was a young lady in blue, Who said, " Is it you ? Is it you ?

When

they said, " Yes,

it is,"

That ungracious young lady

There was an old

man

she replied only, " Whizz

!

in blue.

in a garden,

Who

always begged every one's pardon When they asked him, " What for?" he replied, "

And

I trust

you

'11

go out of

my

garden."

You

're

a bore

!

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was an old person of

Whose

Pisa,

daughters did nothing to please her

She dressed them

Round

47

in gray,

and banged them

all

day,

the walls of the city of Pisa.

There was an old person of Florence,

Who held mutton chops in abhorrence He purchased a Bustard, and fried him Which choked

in Mustard,

that old person of Florence.

MORE NONSENSE

PICTURES.

There was an old person of Sheen, Whose expression was calm and serene

He sate in the water, and drank bottled That placid old person of Sheen.

porter,

There was an old person of Ware, Who rode on the back of a bear

When they ask'd, " Does it trot?" he said, He 's a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear " !

Certainly not

MORE NONSENSE PICTURED

49

There was a young person of Janina, Whose uncle was always a fanning her

When "You

^

he fanned off her head, she smiled sweetly, propitious old person of Janina !"

itf^ There was an old man of Cashmere,

Whose movements were

scroobious and queer

Being slender and tall, he looked over a wall, And perceived two fat ducks of Cashmere.

and

said,

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

50

There was an old person of Cassel, finished off in a tassel

Whose nose But they

call'd out,

Which perplexed

"Oh

well

!

don't

it

look like a bell !"

that old person of Cassel.

There was an old person of Pett, Who was partly consumed by regret He sate in a cart, and ate cold apple

Which

tart.

relieved that old person of Pett,

MORE NONSENSE

PICTURES.

There was an old man of Spithead, Who opened the window, and said, " Fil-jomble, fil-junible, fil-rumble-come-tumble

51

—

** !

That doubtful old man of Spithead.

There was an old man on the Border,

Who lived in the utmost disorder He danced with the cat, and made Which vexed

all

tea in his hat.

the folks on the Bordej»

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

52

There was an old man of Dumbree,

Who

taught

For he

little

owls to drink tea

"

said,

That amiable

To eat mice is not man of Dumbree.

proper or

There was an old person of Filey, Of whom his acquaintance spoke highly

He And

danced

perfectly well, to the

nice,'

;

sound of a

delighted the people of Filej.

bell,

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES

There was an old man whose remorse Induced him to drink Caper Sauce ; cold For they said, " If mixed up with some It will

certainly soothe your remorse

There was an old man of Ibreem, suddenly threatened to scream

Who

claret-cup,

!

:

you do, we will thump you quite blue, " You disgusting old man of Jbreem J

But they

said, " If

54

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was an old person of Wilts, Who constantly walked upon stilts He wreathed them with lilies and daffy-down-dillies, That elegant person of Wilts.

There was an old person of Grange, Whose manners were scroobious and strange He sailed to St. Blubb in a waterproof tub,

That aquatic old person of Grange.

;

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

S5

There was an old person of Newry, Whose manners were tinctured with fury He tore all the rugs, and broke all the jugs, Within twenty miles' distance of Newry.

Dumblane, There was an old man of

Who

greatly resembled a crane ; " Is it wrong, since your legs are so long, said.

But they

To

request you won't stay in

Dumblane?

"

MOKE NONSENSE PICTURES.

Tnere was an old man of Port Grigor,

Whose

He

actions were noted for vigour

stood on his head

That

eclectic old

man

till

his waistcoat

turned red.

of Port Grigor.

There was an old man of El Hums,

Who

lived

upon nothing but crumbs,

Which he picked

off the ground, with the other birds round.

In the roads and the lanes of El HuraSc

MORE NONSENSE

There was an old

Who

man

PICTURES.

of West Dumpet,

possessed a large nose like a trumpet

When he blew it aloud, And was heard through

it

astonished the crowd,

the whole of West Dumpet.

There was an old person of Sark,

Who made But they

an unpleasant remark

said, "

You obnoxious

Don't you see what a brute you must be.

old person of Sark

" i

57

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

ss

There was an old

man whose

despair

Induced him to purchase a hare Whereon one fine day he rode wholly away, :

Which

partly assuaged his despair.

There was an old person of Barnes,

Whose garments were covered But they

said,

with darns

" Without doubt, you

You luminous person of Barnes

1

will

;

soon wear them out.

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES,

59

There was an old person of Nice, Whose associates were usually Geese.

They walked out together

in all sorts

That affable person of Nice

of weather,

!

There was a young lady of Greenwich,

Whose garments were

border'd with Spinach

But a large spotty Calf bit her shawl quite in

half,

Which alarmed that young lady of Greenwich.

6o

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was an old person of Cannes, Who purchased three fowls and a fan ; Those she placed on a stool, and to make them She constantly fanned them at Cannes.

There was an old person of

Ickley,

Who could not abide to ride quickly He rode to Karnak on a tortoise's back, That moony old person of Ickley

feel

cool

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

6i

There was an old person of Hyde, Who walked by the shore with his bride, Till a Crab who came near fill'd their bosoms with

And

they said, "

Would we

'd

never

left

There was an old person in gray, Whose feelings were tinged with dismay ; She purchased two parrots, and fed them with

Which pleased

that old person in gray.

fear,

Hyde I"

carrots,

MOKE NONSENSE PICTURES.

62

There was an old man of Ancona,

Who

found a small dog with no owner,

Which he took up and down

the streets of the town,

all

That anxious old man of Ancona.

There was an old person of

Who

Sestrl,

down in the vestry " You are wrong " he merely

sate himself

When

they said,

That repulsive old person of

;

!

Sestri.

said "

Bong

!

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

63

There was an old person of Blythe,

Who cut up his meat with a scythe When they said, " Well I never " !

That

lively old

!

;

he

cried, " Scythes for ever

person of Blythe.

There was a young person of Ayr, Whose head was remarkably square

On

:

the top, in fine weather, she wore a gold feather

Which dazzled

the people of Ayr.

;

1

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

64

There was an old person of Rimini, Who said, " Gracious Goodness !

!

When they said, " Please be still And was never more heard of at

There

is

I

it

Gimini

" she ran

!

down a

hill,

Rimini.

a young lady, whose nose,

Continually prospers and grows

When " Oh

!

O

grew out of

sight,

;

she exclaimed in a

Farewell to the end of

my nose

1

fright,

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

^5

There was an old person of Ealing, Who was wholly devoid of good feeling

He

drove a small

Which

There was

Who

distressed

aii

old

gig, with three all

man

abruptions old

Pig,

of Thames Ditton,

called out for something to

But they brought him a

You

Owls and a

the people of Ealing.

hat,

and

sit

on

said,

man of Thames

;

"

Sit

Ditton

upon "

t

that,

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

66

There was an old person of Bray,

Who To

sang through the whole of the day

his

ducks and

his pigs,

whom

he fed upon

figs,

That valuable person of Bray.

There was a young person whose

Was She

history

always considered a mystery sate in a ditch, although

And composed a

no one knew which, on history.

small treatise

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

67

There was an old person of Bow,

Whom

nobody happened to know So they gave him some soap, and said coldly, "

You

will

go back

directly to

Bow

We

hope

fall

off

" !

There was an old person of Rye, Who went up to town on a fly But they

said,

" If you cough, you are safe to

You abstemious

old person of

Rye

1

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

68

There was an old person of Crowle,

Who

lived in the nest of

When

an owl

they screamed in the nest, he screamed out with the

That depressing old person of Crowle.

There was an old Lady of Winchelsea,

Who said, " If you On the floor of my

needle or pin shall see

room, sweep

That exhaustive old Lady of

it

up with the broom

W jnchelgea J

.

!

rest,

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was an old man

Whose

in

69

a tree,

whiskers were lovely to see

But the birds of the

To make

air

pluck'd them perfectly bare,

themselves nests in that tree.

There was a young lady of Corsica,

Who

little brown saucy-cur upon ham, and hot raspberry jam,

purchased a

Which she

fed

That expensive yoimg-.kdy. of

Corsica*.

.

.

--

70

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was a young lady of Firle, Whose hair was addicted to curl It curled up a tree, and all over the That expansive young lady of Firle.

sea,

There was an old person of Stroud, Who was horribly jammed in a crowd

Some she slew with a kick, some she scrunched with a That impulsive old person of Stroud.

stick,

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

71

There was an old man of Boulak, Who sate on a Crocodile's back But they said, " Towr'ds the night he may probably

Which might vex you, old man of Boulak

bite,

!

There was an old person of Skye,

Who

waltz'd with a Bluebottle fly

They buzz'd a sweet

And

entranced

all

:

tune, to the light of the

the people of Skye.

moon,

72

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was an old man of Blackheath,

Whose head was adorned with a wreath Of lobsters and spice, pickled onions and That uncommon old man of Blackheath.

mice<

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was an old man, who when

little

Fell casually into a kettle

But, growing too stout, he could never get out.

So he passed

all

his life in that kettle.

73

MORE NONSENSE

74

PICTURES.

There was an old person of Dundalk,

Who tried to teach fishes to walk When they tumbled down dead, he ;

"

I

had better go back

to

Dundalk

grew weary, and I

said,

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was an old person of Shoreham, Whose habits were marked by decorum

He

bought an Umbrella, and sate

Which pleased

all

in the cellar,

the people of Shoreham.

;s

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

;6

There was an old person of Bar,

Who

passed

all

her

Which she painted

life

in

a

jar,

pea-green, to appear more serene,

That placid old person of

Bar.

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was a young person of Kew, Whose virtues and vices were few But with blamable haste she devoured some hot ;

Which destroyed

that

young person of Kew.

paste,

;8

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was an old person of Jodd, Whose ways were perplexing and odd She purchased a whistle, and sate on a And squeaked to the people of Jodd.

thistle,

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was an old person of Bude, Whose deportment was vicious and crude He wore a large ruff of pale straw-colored

Which perplexed

all

the people of Bude.

79

;

stuff,

MORE NONSENSE

So

PICTURES.

There was an old person of Brigg, purchased no end of a wig

Who

So that only his nose, and the end of his toes, Could be seen when he walked about Brigg.

MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.

There was an old man of Messina, Whose daughter was named Opsibeena She wore a small wig, and rode out on a

To

the perfect delight of Messina.

8i

pig,

NONSENSE SONGS.

CONTENTS.

NONSENSE SONGS.

?*««

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat

7

The Duck and the Kangaroo

10

The Daddy Long-legs and the Fly

14

The Jumblies

18

The Nutcrackers and the Sugar-tongs

21

Calico Pie

25

Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow

28

The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs

The Table and the Chair

.

32 35

NONSENSE SONGS.

THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT. 'X'HE Owl and

the Pussy-Cat went to sea

In a beautiful pea-green boat:

They took some honey, and plenty of

Wrapped up

in

a five-pound note.

The Owl looked up

And sang

"O

to the stars above,

to a small guitar,

lovely Pussy,

O

Pussy,

my

What a beautiful Pussy you

What a

money

You

are,

You

are

love,

are,

!

beautiful Pussy

you are

!

THE OWL AND THE PUSSV-CAT. II.

Pussy said to the Owl, " You elegant fowl,

How charmingly sweet Oh let us be married ;

!

But what

They

To And

shall

we do

sailed away, for

you

sing

!

too long

we have

tarried

a ring?"

for

a year and a day.

the land where the bong-tree grows;

there in a

With a ring

wood a at the

Piggy-wig stood,

end of

his nose,

end of

his nose.

His nose, His nose,

With a ring

at the

III.

" Dear Pig, are you willing to

Your ring?" So they took

By

the

it

sell for

one

shilling

Said the Piggy, " I will."

away, and were married next day

Turkey who

lives

on the

hilL

;

THE OWL AND THE PUSSV-CAT. They dined on mince and Which they

And hand

in

slices

of quince,

ate with a runcible

spoon;

hand, on the edge of the sand.

They danced by

the light of the

moon,

The moon, The moon, They danced by

the light of the

moon.

THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO. OAID the "

Over the

As

if

My life And I

I

Duck

Good

to the Kangaroo,

gracious

fields,

!

how you hop

and the water

you never would stop is

too, !

a bore in this nasty pond

long to go out in the world beyond

wish I could hop like you,"

Said the

Duck

to the

Kangaroo.

II.

'*

Please give

•*

I

Said the

would

me

Duck

sit

a ride on your back," to the

quite

still,

Kangaroo

:

and say nothing but QuacV

The whole of the long day through

*

;

THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO. And we 'd go Over the

the Dee, and the Jelly

land,

Please take

Bo

Lee,

and over the sea

me

a ride

oh,

!

do

!

Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.

III.

Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,

" This requires some Perhaps, on the whole,

And Which Your

little it

might bring

me

there seems but one objection is, if

you

'11

let

me

speak so bold,

feet are unpleasantly

And

reflection.

wet and cold.

would probably give

me

Matiz," said the Kangaroo.

the roo-

luck

II

THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.

13

IV.

Said the Duck, " As

on the

I sate

rocks,

I have thought over that completely

And

I

bought four pairs of worsted socks.

Which And,

And

to

fit

my

web-feet neatly

keep out the

cold, I

every day a cigar I

All to follow

my own

Ve bought a

smoke

'11

cloak

;

dear true

Love of a Kangaroo." «

V.

Said the Kangaroo, " I 'm ready, All in the moonlight pale

But to balance

And

me

quite at the

well,

dear Duck,

end of

my

tail"

sit

steady.

;

THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO. So away they went with a hop and a bound

And

j

they hopped the whole world three times round.

And who

so happy,

As the Duck and

oh

!

who,

the Kangaroo ?

i3

THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE

/^NCE

Mr. Daddy Long-legs,

Dressed

in

brown and

Walked about upon

gray,

the sands

Upon a summer's day And there among the pebbles,

When

He

the wind was rather cold,

met with Mr. Floppy

All dressed in blue

And, as

it

was too soon to dine,

They drank some

And

Fly,

and gold

periwinkle-wine.

played an hour or two, or more,

At battlecock and shuttledore.

FLY,

THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THF

FLY.j

n.

Daddy Long-legs

Said Mr.

To "

Mr. Floppy Fly,

Why do I

you never come

wish you

and

All gold

You 'd

Why

me

'd tell

shine, in dress so fine,

quite delight the court.

do you never go

I really think

And,

at all ?

you ought.

you went, you

if

to court ?

why.

'd see

such sights

Such rugs and jugs and candle-lights And, more than

One

and one

in red,

in

green."

in.

"

O

"

Mr. Daddy Long-legs

!

Said Mr. Floppy Fly,

"

It

true I never go to court

's

And If I

I will tell

had

At once

oh

But,

!

you why.

long legs like yours,

six

I 'd

go to court

I can't,

because

Are so extremely

And

I

(One

;

my

legs

short.

afraid the king

in red,

Would

You

'm

and one

and queen

in green)

say aloud, 'You are not

Fly, to

come

to court a bit

IV.

" Oh, Mr.

!

the king and queen,

all,

Daddy Long-legs

Said Mr. Floppy Fly,

" !

fit, !

—

15

l6

THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE "

I wish

you

You used

one

'd sing

One mumbian

to sing so awful well

But now you never sing wish you 'd

I

if

To

;

at all

me why

tell

you would, the

Would

And

song,

little

melody.

In former days gone by

For,

:

sound

silvery

and cockles round,

please the shrimps

come

the crabs would gladly

all

Hum

hear you sing, 'Ah,

di

Hum !'"

V.

Daddy

Said Mr.

"

I

And,

you wish,

Although

For years

Or

And

I

it

I

'11

gives

cannot

;

you why,

sing the smallest song

My My six long Oppress

And,

tell

me pain. hum a bit,

this the dreadful

legs are

I

Long-legs,

can never sing again if

if I

reason

is,

grown too long

legs, all

my bosom

!

here and there.

with despair

stand or he or

sit,

cannot sing one single

bit

!

VI.

So Mr. Daddy Long-legs

And Mr. Floppy

Fly

down in silence by And gazed upon the

Sat

They

FLY.

said, " This

The world

has

is

all

the sea, sky.

a dreadful thing

gone wrong,

I

THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE Since one has legs too short by

The

other

much

The

his legs

half.

too long.

One never more can go Because

FLY.

to court,

have grown too short

other cannot sing a song,

Because

his legs

have grown too long

" !

vn.

Then Mr. Daddy Long-legs And Mr. Floppy Fly Rushed downward

to the

foamy sea

With one sponge-taneous cry

And

there they found a

Whose

And

sails

They

far

:

boat,

were pink and gray

off they sailed

Far and

little

among

the waves,

away

sailed across the silent main,

And

reached the great Gromboolian Plain

And

there they play forevermore

At battlecock and shuttledore.

THE JUMBLIES. T^HEY

went

In a In spite of

On

to sea in a sieve, they

sieve they all their

did;

went to sea

friends could say,

a winter's morn, on a stormy day,

In a sieve they went to sea.

And when

And They

the sieve turned round and round,

every one cried, " called aloud, "

You

Our

'11

all

be drowned

sieve ain't big

But we don't care a button, we don't care a In a sieve we

'11

go to sea

Far and few,

far

!

and

fig

!

few,

Are the lands where the Jumblies

live

Their heads are green, and their hands are blue

And

they went to sea in a sieve.

THE

JUMtJLIES.

19

II.

They

sailed

away

in

a sieve, they did,

In a sieve they sailed so

With only a

fast,

beautiful pea-green veil

Tied with a ribbon, by way of a

sail,

To a small tobacco-pipe mast. And every one said who saw them *'

Oh

go,

won't they be soon upset, you

!

For the sky

is

dark,

and the voyage

And, happen what may, In a sieve to

sail

Far and few,

know ? is

long

extremely wrong

it 's

so

fast."

far

and

few,

Are the lands where the Jumblies

live:

Their heads are green, and their hands are blue

And

they went to sea in a sieve.

III.

The water

it

The water

soon came it

keep them

So, to

In a pinky paper

And And

did;

wrapped

dry, they all

they fastened

Though

it

in

their feet

folded neat it

down

they passed the night

And each Yet

in,

soon came

of them said, "

in

with a pin.

a crockery-jar

How

wise

we

are

;

!

the sky be dark, and the voyage be

we never can

think

we were

long,

rash or wrong,

While round in our sieve we spin."

Far and few,

far

and

few.

Are the lands where the Jumblies

live

Their heiads are green, and their hands are blue

And

they went to

sea.

in

a

sieve,

j

THE JUMBLIES.

20

IV.

And

all

They

To

away;

night long they sailed

And when

the sun went down,

moony song

whistled and warbled a

the echoing sound of a coppery gong,

In the shade of the mountains brown.

" O Timballoo

When we And

We

all

sail

!

How

happy we are

hve in a sieve and a crockery-jar

night long, in the moonlight pale,

away with a pea-green

sail

In the shade of the mountains brown."

Far and few,

far

and

few,

Are the lands where the Jumblies

live

;

Their heads are green, and their hands are blue

And

they went to sea in a sieve.

V.

They

sailed to the

Western Sea, they

To a land all covered with And they bought an owl, and And a pound And a hive And

did,

—

trees

a useful cart,

of rice, and a cranberry-tart, of silvery bees

;

they bought a pig, and some green jackdaws,

monkey

And

a lovely

And

forty bottles of ring-bo-ree.

And no end

with lollipop paws.

of Stilton cheese.

Far and few,

far

and

few,

Are the lands where the Jumblies

live

Their heads are green, and their hands are blue

And

they went to sea in a sieve.

;

THE JUMBLIES.

21

VI.

And

in twenty years they all

came back,

In twenty years or more every one said, "

And

For they've been

And the hills And they drank

How

their health,

And

every one said, " If too, will hills

and gave them a

least

of beautiful yeast;

We,

the

!

and the Torrible Zone,

of the Chankly Bore."

Of dumplings made

To

they 've grown

tall

to the Lakes,

we only

go to sea in a

live,

sieve,

of the Chankly Bore."

Far and few,

far

and

few.

Are the lands where the Jumblies

live

:

Their heads are green, and their hands are blue

And

they went to sea in a sieve.

THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.

T^HE

Nutcrackers sate by a plate on the table

The

And

Sugar-tongs sate by a plate at his side

the Nutcrackers said, " Don't you wish

Along the blue

Must we drag on So

hills

While every one

able

existence forever,

this stupid

and weary, so

idle

we were

and green meadows to ride?

of remorse,

full

else takes his pleasure,

Seems happy unless he

is

and never

riding a horse?

II.

"Don't you think we could

ride without being instructed,

Without any saddle or bridle or spur?

Our

legs are so long,

I'm Let us

And Shall

and so aptly constructed,

sure that an accident could not occur. all

of a sudden

hop down from the

hustle downstairs,

we

try?

Shall

table,

and each jump on a horse

we go?

The Sugar-tongs answered

Do

!

you think we are able?"

distinctly,

"

Of

course

'' I

THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.

2$

III.

So down the long

hopped

staircase they

The Sugar-tongs snapped, and

The

stable

was open

the Crackers said " Crack

the horses were in

;

a minute

in

" !

it

Each took out a pony, and jumped on his back.

The Cat

a fright scrambled out of the doorway

in

The Mice tumbled out of a bundle of hay The brown and white Screamed

out, "

Rats,

They

and the black ones from Norway,

are taking the horses

away

!

IV.

The whole of the household was The Cups and

The

Plates

The

the Saucers

on

Salt-cellar stood

his

head with a shout

with a clatter, looked out of the lattice

The Mustard-pot climbed up

the gooseberry-pies

;

Soup-ladle peeped through a heap of veal-patties,

And squeaked

The Frying-pan The

And

amazement

with

and the Dishes looked out of the casement

The Spoons,

The

filled

danced madly about

with

said,

a.

"

ladle-like

It 's

scream of

surprise.

an awful delusion

!

Tea-kettle hissed, and grew black in the face

they

all

rushed downstairs in the wildest confusion

To see the great Nutcracker- Sugar-tong race. And out of the stable, with screamings and laughter (Their ponies were cream-colored, speckled with brown),

The Nutcrackers

Rode

all

first,

and the Sugar-tongs

round the yard, and then

all

after,

round the town,

24

THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS. VI.

They rode through

the street, and they rode

They galloped away

to the beautiful shore

by the

station

;

In silence they rode, and " made no observation," Save

And

this

still

:

"

We

will

never go back any more

you might hear,

The Sugar-tongs Till, far in

snap,

till

!

they rode out of hearing,

and the Crackers say " Crack

the distance their forms disappearing,

They faded away ; and they never came back

I

!

CALICO

PIE.

I.

r^ALICO The

Down

pie,

little

birds

fly

to the calico-tree

:

Their wings were blue,

And Till

s

they sang " Tilly-loo

away they

And

y^

!

flew

they never

^**^

came back

They never came

back,

They never came

back,

They never came back

to

me

to

!

-^

"^

^^ me

!

.

CALICO

26

PIE.

11.

Calico jam,

The

Fish

little

swam

Over the Syllabub Sea.

He took

off his hat

To the Sole and the Sprat, And the Willeby-wat

But he never came back to

me

He never came back, He never came back, He never came back to me. III.

Calico ban.

The

To

little

be ready

Mice ran in time for tea

Flippity flup,

They drank

And danced

it all

up,

in the

cup

CALICO

PIE.

27

But they never came back to

They never came

me

back,

They never came back,

They never came back

to

me.

IV.

Calico drum,

The Grasshoppers come, The

Butterfly, Beetle,

and Bee,

Over the ground,

Around and round. With a hop and a bound

But they never came back,

They never came back,

They never came

back,

They never came back

to

me.

MR.

AND

/~\N

a

MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.

little

piece of

wood

Mr. Spikky Sparrow stood

:

Mrs. Sparrow sate close by,

A-making of an For her

insect-pie

children

little

In the nest and

five,

all alive

;

Singing with a cheerful smile.

To amuse them

all

the while,

" Twikky vvikky wikky wee,

Wikky bikky twikky Spikky bikky bee

tee, !

II.

Mrs. Spikky Sparrow said, " Spikky, darling

Many

!

in

my

head

thoughts of trouble come,

Like to

flies

upon a plum.

All last night, I heard

among

you cough,

I

the trees,

heard you sneeze

j

AND

MR,

And

MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.

thought

I,

'

It

's

come

to that !

Because he does not wear a hat

Chippy wippy sikky

tee,

Bikky wikky tikky mee, Spikky chippy wee

I

III.

" Not that you are growing old

But the nights

No

one

;

are growing cold.

stays out all night long

Without a hat

Mr. Spikky

I

:

'm sure "

said,

How

wrong "

it 's

!

kind,

Dear, you are, to speak your mind All your

Vou

are,

wish you luck

life I

you

are,

!

a lovely duck

!

Witchy witchy witchy wee, Twitchy witchy witchy bee,

Tikky tikky

tee

!

IV.

"I was

also sad,

When one day

I

and thinking. saw you winking.

And I heard you sniffle-snuffle. And I saw your feathers ruffle To myself I sadly said, :

*

She

's

neuralgia in her head

!

That dear head has nothing on

Ought she not

to

it

wear a bonnet ?

Witchy kitchy kitchy wee, Spikky wikky mikky bee,

Chippy wippy chee

!

!

-

29

AND

MR.

30

MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW. V.

" Let us both

There

I

'11

fly

up

town

to

:

buy you such a gown

!

\Vhich, completely in the fashion,

You

shall tie

a sky-blue sash on

And a

pair of slippers neat

To

your darling

So

fit

you

that

will

little feet,

look and feel

Quite galloobious and genteel. Jikky wikky bikky see,

Chicky bikky wikky bee,

Twicky witchy wee

" !

VI,

So they both to London went. Alighting

Whence

on the Monument

they flew

down

swiftly

Into Moses' wholesale shop

— pop

!

:

There they bought a hat and bonnet,

And

a

A satin And

gown

with spots

upon

Cloxam

blue,

sash of

it,

a pair of slippers too. Zikky wikky mikky bee,

Witchy witchy mitchy kee, Sikky tikky wee

!

VII.

Then, when so completely dressed,

Back they

flew,

and reached

Their children cried, "

How

truly beautiful

their nest.

O ma

you are

!

and pa

MR.

AND

Said they, "

We

shall

MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.

We

trust that cold or pain

never feel again

;

While, perched on tree or house or steeple.

We

now

shall

look like other people.

Witchy witchy witchy wee,

Twikky mikky bikky bee, Zikky sikky tee

" !

31

THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER, AND THE TONGS. I.

nPHE Broom and the They

And

all

Shovel, the Poker

took a drive in the Park

and Tongs,

;

they each sang a song, ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong

Before they went back in the dark.

Mr. Poker he sate quite upright in the coach

Mr. Tongs made a

clatter

Miss Shovel was dressed Mrs.

Broom was

and clash

all in

black (with a broorh)

in blue (with a sash)

Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong

!

i

And

they

sang a song.

all

II.

"

O "

Shovely so lovely

You have

!

perfectly

" the Poker he sang,

conquered

my

heart.

;

!

THE BROOM, SHOVEL, POKER, AND TONGS. Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong

you with cold

I will feed

When

If

!

you 're pleased with

my

33 song,

apple-tart.

you scrape up the coals with a delicate sound,

You

enrapture

Your nose

And

is

my

with delight,

life

so shiny, your head

your shape

so round,

is

so slender and bright

is

Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong Ain't

you pleased with

my

song? "

III. **

Alas

"

Mrs. Broom," sighed the Tongs in his song,

!

Oh

!

And my

is it

because I 'm so

legs are so long,

thin,

— ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong !^

That you don't care about me a pin ? Ah fairest of creatures, when sweeping the room. Ah why don't you heed my complaint ? !

!

Must you needs be so

cruel,

you

beautiful

Broom,

Because you are covered with paint? Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong

You

are certainly wrong."

IV.

Mrs.

Broom and Miss Shovel

" What nonsense you Said the Shovel, " I

'11

Said the Broom, "

're

together they sang,

singing to-day

certainly hit

And

I

'11

you a bang " !

sweep you away "

So the coachman drove homeward Perceiving their anger with pain 3

!

!

as fast as he could,

S4

fME BROOM, SHOVEL, POKER, AND TONGS. But they put on the

They

all

kettle,

became happy

and

little

by

again.

Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong

There

's

an end of

my

song.

little

THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.

O AID the Table "You

How I If

we took

We

can hardly be aware

suffer

And from

from the heat

chilblains

a

little

might have a

Pray

let

to the Chair,

on

my

feet.

walk, little

talk

us take the air,"

Said the Xa,ble to the Chair.

II.

Said the Chair unto the Table,

" Now, you know we are not able

How

foolishly

you

talk,

When you know we

cannot walk

Said the Table with a sigh,

"

It

can do no harm to

I 've as

Why

many

can't

legs as

try.

you

:

we walk on two? "

!

:

36

THE TABLE AND THE CHAlIt III.

So they both went slowly down,

And walked

about the town

With a cheerful bumpy sound

As they toddled round and round

And everybody

cried,

As they hastened

to their side,

" See

and the Chair

!

the Table

Have come out

to take dae air

IV.

But

To

in going

down an

alley,

a castle in a valley,

They completely

And wandered Till, to

They

And

Who

see

lost their

all

them

the day

way, ;

safely back.

paid a Ducky- quack.

a Beetle, and a Mouse,

took them to their honse.

U«S

" !

THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.

Then "

O

they whispered to each other,

delightful

What a

little

lovely walk

brother,

we

've

taken

!

Let us dine on beans and bacon."

So the Ducky and the

Browny-Mousy and

leetle

the Beetle

Dined, and danced upon their heads Till

they toddled to their beds.

37

LAUGHABLE

LYRICS.

CONTENTS. LAUGHABLE

LYRICS.

The Dong with a Luminous Nose The Two Old Bachelors

Pag.

7 12

The Pelican Chorus

15

The Y0NGHY-B0NGHY-B6

21

The Pobble who has no Toes

27

The New Vestments

30

Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos

32

The Quangle Wangle's Hat

34

The Cummerbund

37

The Akond of Swat

39

LAUGHABLE LYRICS. THE DONG WITH A LUMINOUS NOSE. "1

1 rHEN

awful darkness and silence reign

Over the great Gromboolian

Through

When

plain,

the long, long wintry nights

the angry breakers roar

As they beat on the rocky shore ; When Storm-clouds brood on the towering heights

Of the

Hills of the

Chankly Bore,

—

Then, through the vast and gloomy dark

There moves what seems a

A lonely

fiery spark,

spark with silvery rays

—

LAUGHABLE

LRYICS.

Piercing the coal-black night,

A

Meteor strange and bright

Hither and thither the vision

A Slowly

Anon

And

A

it

And

wanders, pauses, creeps,

ever as onward

light

From

who watch

—

and leaps

gleaming goes

it

on the Bong-tree stems

those

strays,

single lurid light.

sparkles, flashes,

it

at that

throws.

it

midnight hour

Hall or Terrace or lofty Tower,

Cry, as the wild light passes along,

"The Dong!

the

Dong

—

!

The wandering Dong through The Dong

The Dong Long

!

the

he

fell

at eve

Where

And And

all

!

years ago gay.

Jumbly

to those shores

For the Jumblies came Landing

I

Nose "

with a luminous

in love with a

Who came

the forest goes

Dong

The Dong was happy and Till

—

one day.

in a sieve, they did,

near the

the

Girl

—

Zemmery Fidd

Oblong Oysters grow,

the rocks are smooth and gray.

the

woods and the

With the Chorus they

daily

valleys rang

and

" Far andfew far t

Are

nightly sang,

—

andfew,

the lands where the Jumblies live;

Their heads are green,

and their hands are

And they went to sea in

a

sieve,**

blue.

LAUGHABLE

LYRICS.

Happily, happily passed those days

While the cheerful Jumblies staid

They danced

To

;

in circlets all night long,

the plaintive pipe of the lively Dong,

In moonlight, shine, or shade.

For day and night he was always there

By

the side of the

Jumbly

Girl so

fair,

With her sky-blue hands and her sea-green hair rill

the morning

came of

that hateful

j

day

^'hen the Jumblies sailed in their sieve away,

And

Dong was

the

left

on the cruel shore

Gazing, gazing for evermore,

Ever keeping

his

That pea-green

weary eyes on

sail

on the

far horizon,

Singing the Jumbly Chorus

As he

—

still

day on the grassy

sate all

Their heads are green^

went

The Dong Has

And By

in the

arose and said,

quite

and

Ringing, "

Might

O

I find

For ever

I

Till I find

'11

a

sieve."

West,

—

sense I once possessed

gone out of

my head

since that day he wanders

lake

and their hands are

to sea in

But when the sun was low

little

—

the lands where the Jumblies live

And they

" What

hill,

andfew, far andfew

"jRzr

Are

—

forest,

marsh and

somewhere,

my

Jumbly

" !

still

hill,

in valley or plain,

Girl again

!

seek by lake and shore

my Jumbly

Girl

once more

!

blue.

LAUGHABLE

lO

LYRICS.

Playing a pipe with silvery squeaks,

Since then his Jumbly Girl he seeks

And because by

He

night he could not see,

On

the flowery plain that grows.

And he wove him

A Of vast

And

Twangum Tree

gathered the bark of the

Nose

a wondrous Nose,

as strange as a

—

Nose could be

proportions and painted red,

back of

tied with cords to the

In a hollow rounded space

it

his

head.

ended

With a luminous Lamp within suspended. All fenced about

With a bandage

To And

stout

prevent the wind from blowing

with holes

all

round to send the

it

light

In gleaming rays on the dismal night.

And now

each night, and plains

the wail of the

You may

night long,

roams the Dong

Over those

And above

still

all

Chimp and Snipe

hear the squeak of his plaintive pipe,

While ever he seeks, but seeks

To

in vain,

meet with his Jumbly Girl again

Lonely and wild,

The Dong

And

all

From

all

night he goes,

with a luminous

who watch

at the

Nose

;

—

!

midnight hour,

Hall or Terrace or lofty Tower,

Cry, as they trace the Meteor bright,

Moving along through the dreary

night,

—

out

LAUGHABLE " This

is

the hour

The Dong

LYRICS.

when

forth

with a luminous Nose

Yonder, over the plain he

He He

he goes, !

goes,.-

goes goes,

The Dong

—

with a luminous

Nose

!

THE TWO OLD BACHELORS. T^WG old

Bachelors were living in one house

One caught

a Muffin, the other caught a Mouse.

who caught

Said he

the Muffin to

" This happens just in time

Save a tiny

And what

slice

to

do

him who caught the Mouse,

For we

!

've

nothing

—

in the house,

of lemon and a teaspoonful of honey, for dinner

And what can we expect

if

— since we have we have

n't

any money ?

n't

any dinner,

But to lose our teeth and eyelashes and keep on growing thinner ? Said he

"

We

If

who caught

might cook

the

Mouse

this little

to

him who caught the Muffin,

Mouse,

if

we only had some

we had but Sage and Onion we could do extremely

But how

to get that Stuffin'

it

is difficult to tell

Those two old Bachelors ran quickly

And asked

for

to the

—

Stuffin'

well

" !

town

Sage and Onion as they wandered up and down

"

LAUGHABLE LYRICS. They borrowed two

But some one

And And An

to

said, "

among

there

earnest

pull

hill

there

Man, who reads

a

is,

all

little

way

to the north.

leads forth

—

—

with your Onion (cut up likewise into Scraps),

—

all

studious as he

into endless

little

bits

— perhaps."

time

Those two old Bachelors without

loss of

The

nearly purpledicular crags at

once began to climb

And

at the top,

They

"You

We

among

the rocks,

all

seated in a nook,

saw that Sage a-reading of a most enormous book.

earnest

Sage!" aloud they

enough

in

cried,

"your book you've read

wish to chop you into bits to mix you into

But that old Sage looked calmly up, and with

Stuffin'

" !

his awful book,

At those two Bachelors' bald heads a certain aim he took

And

—

sits,

toes,

your Stuffin' will be ready, and very good

When

be found

day a most perplexing page.

him by the

him down, and chop him

Then mix him

all

to

the Gardens round.

the rugged rocks abides an ancient Sage,

Climb up, and seize

And

A

purpledicular top a narrow

its

no Sage was

large Onions, but

In the Shops, or in the Market, or in

1

;

over Crag and precipice they rolled promiscuous down,

At once they

And when

rolled,

and never stopped

in lane or field or

—

town

;

they reached their house, they found (besides their want

of Stuffin'),

The Mouse had They

left their

And from

that

fled

home

— and,

previously,

in silence

had eaten up the Muffin.

by the once convivial door

hour those Bachelors were never heard of more.

THE PELICANS.

THE PELICAN CHORUS. TV'ING and Queen

No

of the Pelicans we

other Birds so grand

None but we have

feet like fins

we

see

!

With lovely leathery throats and chins

!

Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee

!

We

think no Birds so happy as

Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican

We We By

live

on the

night

we

By day we

On

think so then, and

Nile.

sleep

fish,

The

on the

and

we

jill

Nile

we

!

!

we thought

cliffs

at eve

;

!

so

still

love.

above

we stand

long bare islands of yellow sand.

And when' the sun

And

sinks slowly

down.

the great rock walls grow daxk and brown,

LAUGHABLE

1

Where

And

the purple river rDlIs fast

and dim

the Ivory Ibis starlike skim,

Wing

wing we dance around,

to

Stamping our

flumpy sound,

feet with a

Opening our mouths

And

LYRICS.

this is the

as Pelicans ought

song we nightly

snort,

Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee

We

think

Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pehcan

We Last year

And

all

To do

!

no Birds so happy as we

think so then,

!

jill

and we thought so

came out our Daughter

still I

Dell,

the Birds received her well.

her honor a feast

we made

For every bird that can swim or wade,

Herons and

Gulls,

—

and Cormorants black,

Cranes, and Flamingoes with scarlet back, Plovers

and

Storks,

and Geese

Swans and Dilberry Ducks

Thousands of Birds

They

ate

in

in

in clouds,

crowds

wondrous

and drank and danced

And echoing back from

:

flight all

night,

the rocks you heard

Multitude-echoes from Bird and Bird, Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee

We

think

no Birds so happy

as

Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican

We Yes, they

think so then, and

came

;

all

!

we

rest

!

jill

we thought

and among the

The King of the Cranes

—

so

-

grandly dressed.

still

LAUGHABLE LYRICS. Such a lovely

tail

Its feathers float

!

Between the ends of

his blue dress-coat;

With pea-green trowsers

And

a delicate

frill

all

so neat,

to hide his feet

(For though no one speaks of

He

I7

it,

every one knows

has got no webs between his toes).

As soon

as he

saw our Daughter

In violent love that Crane King

On

seeing her waddling form so

With a wreath of shrimps

Dell, fell,

—

fair,

in her short white hair.

And

before the end of the next long day

Our

Dell had given her heart

away

;

For the King of the Cranes had won

With a Crocodile's egg and a She vowed

to

marry the King of the Cranes,

Leaving the Nile

And away Of

that heart

large fish-tart.

for stranger plains

;

they flew in a gathering crowd

endless birds in a lengthening cloud. Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee

We

think no Birds so

happy

Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican

We And

We

far

think so then,

away

as

we

and we thought so

in the twilight sky

heard them singing a lessening cry,

Farther and farther,

And we

!

jill

till

—

out of sight,

stood alone in the silent night

Often since, in the nights of June,

We

sit

on the sand and watch the moon, 9

—

stiU

1

LAUGH ABCE

1

LYRICS.

She has gone to the great Gromboolian

And we

probably never

Oft, in the long

We

sit

still

shall

Plain,

meet again

!

nights of June,

on the rocks and watch the moon,

—

She dwells by the streams of the Chankly Bore.

And we

probably never shall see her more.

Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee

We

think

no Birds so happy

Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican

We

—

think so then, and

as

!

we

!

jill

we thought

so

still

Note. The Air of this and the following Song by Edward Lear; the Arrangement for the Piano by Professor Pome, of San Remo, Italy.

THE YONGHY BONGHY

b6.

Camto.

Om

the

MtMt ot Co-

n

•

m»n.dii,yr)tenibem.tfftmpkiatfnw.

lath*

TlAKO.

Sg^^di

^^^m^^

middle or th* -ood.,LiTed theYonghj Bon^hj B6.

Two old chun «>d

half t

mxUe,

Om

«U

) -ja-:^ -»- ._j^.

T^F^

THE COURTSHIP OF THE YONGHYBONGHY-B5.

f~\^

the Coast of

Where

Coromandel

the early

pumpkins blow,

In the middle of the woods

Lived the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.

Two

old chairs, and half a candle,

One

old jug without a handle,

These were

all

—

his worldly

goods

In the middle of the woods,

These were

all

the worldly goods

Of the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6, Of the Yonghy-Bonghy-BQ,

.

,

LAUGHABLE

22

LYRICS.

II.

Once, among the Bong- trees walking

Where

the early pumpkins blow,

To a little heap of stones Came the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo. There he heard a Lady

To some

milk-white

talking,

Hens of Dorking,

" 'T is the Lady Jingly Jones

On

that

Sits the

little

Lady

!

heap of stones "

Jingly Jones

!

Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6,

Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.

III. **

Lady

Jingly

Sitting

!

Lady

Jingly

!

where the pumpkins blow,

Will you

come and be my

wife ?

"

Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.

"I

am

On

this coast so wild

I If

tired of living singly^

and

'm a-weary of my you

'11

—

shingly,

life

come and be my

Quite serene would be

wife,

my

life

Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6, Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.

IV.

"

On

this

—

Coast of Coromandel

Shrimps and watercresses grow,

" !

LAUGHABLE

plentiful

Prawns are

^3

LYRICS. and cheap,"

Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.

"

You

have

shall

my

chairs

and candle,

jug without a handle

And my

Gaze upon the (Fish

is

As the

rolling

plentiful

sea,

my

!

deep

and cheap)

love

is

deep

;

!

Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6, Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.

V.

Lady

Jingly answered sadly,

And "

her tears began to flow,

—

Your proposal comes too

late,

Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-B6 I

would be your wife most gladly

(Here she twirled her " But in England

Yes For

!

you

in

've

fingers madly,)

a mate

I 've

asked

England

!

me

I 've

far

too

a mate,

Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo

Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-B6 VI. **

Mr. Jones

(his

name

is

Handel,

Handel Jones, Esquire,

&

—

Co.)

Dorking fowls delights to send, Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-B6 Keep, oh, keep your chairs and candle,

And your I

jug without a handle,

—

can merely be your friend

!

!

late.

LAUGHABLE LYRtCS.

24

Should

my

Jones more Dorkings send,

you

I will give

my

three,

Mr. Yonghy-Bongy-B6

friend

!

!

Mr. yonghy-Bonghy-B6

!

VIL " Though you 've such a tiny body,

And your head

so large doth grow,

Though your

hat

may blow

—

away,

Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-B6

Though you Yet

're

such a

I wish that I could fy the

words

I

Hoddy Doddy, modi-

needs must say

Will you please to go

That

is all

I

!

away ?

have to say,

Mr. Yongby-Bonghy-B6 Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-B6

!

VIIL

Down

the slippery slopes of Myrtle,

Where

To

the early

pumpkins blow,

the calm and silent sea

Fled the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6. There, beyond the Bay of Gurtle,

Lay a

large

" You

and 're

lively Turtle.

the Cove," he said, " for

On

your back beyond the sea. " Turtle, you shall carry me !

Said the Yonghy-Bo"nghy-B6,

Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.

me

LAUGHABLE LYRICS.

2t

IX.

Through the

Did the Turtle Holding

Rode

ocean

silent-roaring

fast

swiftly

upon

go

;

his shell

the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.

With a sad primaeval motion

Towards the sunset Still

isles

of Boshen

the Turtle bore him well.

Holding

fast

upon

his shell,

" Lady Jingly Jones, farewell

Sang the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6, Sang the Yonghy-Bonghy-B5.

X.

From

the Coast of

Did

that

Coromandel

Lady never go

;

" !

LAUGHABLE LYRICS.

26

On

that

heap of stones she mourns

For the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.

On

that Coast of

Coromandel,

In his jug without a handle Still

she weeps, and daily moans

On that little heap of stones To her Dorking Hens she moans, For the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6, For the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.

THE POBBLE WHO HAS NO T^HE

TOES.

Pobble who has no toes

Had once as many as we When they said, " Some day you may He replied, " Fish fiddle de-dee ,•

lose

them

!

And

his

Aunt Jobiska made him drink

Lavender water tinged with pink

For she

said, "

There

nothing so good for a Pobble's toes

's

The World

in general

knows

II.

The Pobble who

Swam

has no toes.

across the Bristol Channel

But before he

set out

he wrapped his nose

In a piece of scarlet flannel.

" !

all

" ;

LAUGHABLE LYRICS.

28

For

Aunt Jobiska

his

Can come

And

it 's

Are safe

to his toes

perfectly

said, " if

his

known

No harm

nose

is

warm

;

that a Pobblc's toes

— provided he minds

his nose."

IIL

The Pobble swam

And when

He

fast

and

boats or ships

well,

came near him,

tinkledy-binkledy-winkled a bell

So

And

that all the world could hear him.

the Sailors and Admirals cried,

all

When they saw him nearing the further side, " He has gone to fish, for his Aunt Jobiska's Runcible Cat with crimson whiskers

!

IV.

But before he touched the shore,

The

—

bhore of the Bristol Channel,

A sea-green

Porpoise carried away

His wrapper of

scarlet flannel.

And when he came

to observe his feet,

Formerly garnished with toes so neat,

His face

On

at

once became forlorn

perceiving that

And nobody From

his toes

were gone

ever knew,

that dark

Whoso had

all

day to the present.

taken the Pobble's toes.

In a manner so

far

from pleasant.

I

LAUGHABLE

LYRICS.

Whether the shrimps or crawfish

Or

crafty

Mermaids

Nobody knew

How

;

stole

2Q

gray,

them away,

and nobody knows

the Pobble was robbed of his twice five toes

!

VL The Pobble who

Was

And

has no toes

placed in a friendly Bark,

they rowed him back, and carried him up

To his Aunt Jobiska's Park. And she made him a feast, at his earnest Of eggs and buttercups fried with fish

wish,

;

And

she said, " It

's

a fact the whole world knows,

That Pobbles are happier without

their toes."

THE NEW VESTMENTS. '"PHERE lived an old man in the Kingdoni Who invented a purely original dress And when

He

it

was perfectly made and complete,

opened the door and walked

By way

into the street.

of a hat he 'd a loaf of Brown Bread,

In the middle of which he inserted

His

of Tess,

Shirt

head

his

was made up of no end of dead Mice,

The warmth

of whose skins was quite

fluffy

His Drawers were of Rabbit-skins, so were His Stockings were

skins,

but

it is

not

and nice his

;

Shoes

known whose

;

;

His Waistcoat and Trowsers were made of Pork Chops His Buttons were Jujubes and Chocolate Drops

His Coat was

And

Pancakes, with

a girdle of Biscuits to keep

And he wore

A

all

over

all,

Jam it

for

a border,

in order

as a screen from

bad weather,

Cloak of green Cabbage-leaves stitched

He Of

all

together.

had walked a short way, when he heard a great all

And

sorts of Beasticles, Birdlings,

from every long

street

and dark lane

in the

town

a tumult rushed down.

Beasts, Birdies,

and Boys

Two Cows and

a Calf ate his Cabbage-leaf Cloak

'''our

Apes seized

in

his Girdle,

noise.

and Boys

which vanished

like

;

smoke

LAUGHABLE Three Kids

ate

up

half of his

LYRICS.

3I

Pancaky Coat,

And the tails were devour'd by an ancient He Goat An army of Dogs in a twinkling tore up his Pork Waistcoat and Trowsers

And

Ten Boys prigged

He

tried to

Pigs

fat

came again and again

They jumped on

drawers

his

his shoulders

and knocked

made

up

his Shirt

off his hat,

of dead Mice

I will

;

the last of his Shirt with a squall,

Whereon he ran home with no

clothes

:

a mincemeat of that

speedily flew at his sleeves in a trice,

utterly tore

And he

;

and gray Cats without end

Crows, Ducks, and Hens

They swallowed

"

and

the housetops with scrcechings descend

Striped, spotted, white, black,

And

:

hovels and doors

tore off his stockings, his shoes,

And now from

They

the Chops,

run back to his house, but in vain,

For scores of

When

mumbling

the Jujubes and Chocolate Drops.

They rushed out of stables and

They

Puppies

to give to their

while they were growHng, and

on

at all.

said to himself, as he bolted the door,

not wear a similar dress any more,

\ny more, any more, any more, never more

" !

—

AND

MR.

MRS. DISCOBBOLOS. I.

TV/TR.

AND

MRS. DISCOBBOLOS

Climbed

And And

to hear the Nupiter Piffkin cry,

And

the Biscuit Buffalo

They took up a xA-nd

to the top of a wall.

they sate to watch the sunset sky,

call.

and some Camomile

roll

tea,

both were as happy as happy could be, Till

"

Mrs. Discobbolos said,

Oh

!

W

!

It has just

—

X Y Z !

!

come

into

my

Suppose we should happen to

head, fall

!

!

!

!

Darling Mr. Discobbolos

!

II. **

Suppose we should

fall

down

flumpetty,

Just like pieces of stone,

On

to the thorns, or into the moat.

What would become of your new green

And might you It

never occurred to

That perhaps we

me

shall

before,

never go

down any more

And

Mrs. Discobbolos said,

"

!

Oh

W X !

coat ?

not break a bone ?

!

Y Z !

!

LAUGHABLE LYRICS. What put

To

climb up

head

into your

it

33

my own

this wall,

Darling Mr. Discobbolos ?

"

in.

Mr. Discobbolos answered, " At

first it

me

gave

pain,

And I felt ray ears turn perfectly pink When your exclamation made me think

We But now

To

might never get down again I believe

remain

for ever just

And Mr. " It

Oh

!

where we are."

Discobbolos said,

W

has just

We

!

X Y !

come

Z

!

into

never go

shall

!

wiser far

it is

!

my

down

head again.

Dearest Mrs. Discobbolos

" !

IV.

So Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos Stood up and began to sing, " Far away from hurry and

Here we

strife

pass the rest of

will

—

life.

Ding a dong, ding dong, ding

!

We

want no knives nor forks nor

No

tables nor carpets nor household cares

From worry

Oh

!

W

There

is

!

of

life

we

X Y Z !

!

chairs,

've fled

;

!

no more trouble ahead,

Sorrow or any such thing,

For Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos

1

THE QUANGLE WANGLE'S HAT. /^N

the top of the Crumpetty Tree

The Quangle Wangle But

his face

On For

you could not

account of

his

his

sat,

see,

Beaver Hat.

Hat was a hundred and two

With ribbons and bibbons on every

And

bells,

and buttons, and

loops,

feet wide,

side,

and

lace,

So that nobody ever could see the face

Of

the Quangle

Wangle Quee.

II.

The Quangle Wangle

To

said

himself on the Crumpetty Tree,

LAUGHABLE LYRICS. " Jam, and

jelly,

and bread

Are the best of food But the longer

The

I live

for

on

plainer than ever

me

that

life

!

Crumpetty Tree

this

seems to

it

That very few people come

And

35

on the whole

this

is

far

me

way "

from gay

!

Said the Quangle Wangle Quee.

in.

But there came to the Crumpetty Tree Mr. and Mrs. Canary

And

they said, " Did ever you see

Any

spot so charmingly airy

May we

?

build a nest on your lovely

Hat?

Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that

O

please let us

Of whatever

come and

build a nest

material suits you best,

Mr, Quangle Wangle Quee

" !

IV.

And

besides, to the

Came The

Crumpetty Tree

and the Bumble- Bee,

Snail

The Frog and

the Fimble Fowl

(The Fimble Fowl, with a Corkscrew

And

all

Owl

the Stork, the Duck, and the

of

We may

them

said,

build our

"

We

leg)

humbly beg

homes on your

lovely Hat,

Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee

I

—

LAUGHABLE

36

And

the

And And the

Golden Grouse came

the Pobble

And

LYRICS.

small

the

who

Olympian

Dong

there,

has no toes, bear,

with a luminous nose.

Baboon who played

And

the Blue

And

the Orient Calf from the

And

the Attery Squash, and the Bisky Bat,

All

came and

built

the flute,

Land

of Tute,

—

on the lovely Hat

Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.

VL And "

the Quangle

Wangle said

To himself on the Crumpetty Tree, When all these creatures move What a wonderful

And

at night

They danced

On

by the

noise there light of the

'11

be

'* !

Mulberry

to the Flute of the Blue

moon

Baboon,

the broad green leaves of the Crumpetty Tree,

And

all

were as happy as happy could be,

With the Quangle Wangle Quee.

THE CUMMERBUND. AN INDIAN POEM.

OHE sate upon her Dobie, To And

watch the Evening

Star,

the Punkahs, as they passed, how fair you are " 1 Cried, " all

My

!

Around her bower, with quivering

The

tall

Kamsamahs

leaves,

grew.

And Kitmutgars in wild festoons Hung down from Tchokis blue. II.

Below her home the

With

soft

river rolled

meloobious sound,

Where golden-finned Chuprassies swam, In myriads circling round.

Above, on

tallest trees

remote

Green Ayahs perched alone.

And

all

Its

night long the

Mussak moan'd

melancholy tone. III.

And where

the purple Nullahs threw

Their branches

far

and wide.

LAUGHABLE

38

And The

Goreewallahs flew

silvery

In

by

silence, side

flagrant air,

angry Jampan howled

oft the

Deep

side,

Bheesties' twittering cry

little

Rose on the

And

LYRICS.

in his hateful

lair.

IV.

She sate upon her Dobie,

Nimmak hum,

She heard the

When "

all

at

once a cry arose,

The Cummerbund

In vain she fled

:

come

" !

with open jaws

The angry monster

And

is

followed,

so (before assistance

came)

That Lady Fair was swoUowed. V.

They sought

in vain for

even a bone

Respectfully to bury

They

said,

" Hers was a dreadful fate

!

(And Echo answered, " Very.")

They

nailed her Dobie to the wall,

Where

last

her form was seen.

And underneath

they wrote these words,

In yellow, blue, and green " Beware, ye Fair

Nor

sit

And >

Ye

Fair,

beware

!

out late at night.

Lest horrid

Jfon. —

!

:

Cummerbunds should come,

swollow you outright."

First published in Times

of India, Bombay, July, 1874.

THE AKOND OF SWAT. "1

Is

1 7H0, he

tall

Does he

or why, or which, or what,

Is the

Akond

of Swat

or short, or dark or fair? sit

on a

or squat?

stool or a sofa or chair,

The Akond Is

he wise or

Does he

foolish,

drink his

And when

or hot,

his coffee cold,

riding abroad does he gallop or walk,

Does he

sleep

fez,

on a mattress, a bed, or a mat,

he writes a copy

in

Does he cross his T's and

of Swat ?

or a hat? or a cot,

The Akond round-hand finish his

of Swat?

size,

Fs

with a dot.

The Akond

of Swat?

write a letter concisely clear

Without a speck or a smudge or smear

or blot.

The Akond his people like

Or do

of Swat?

or trot.

The Akond Does he wear a turban, a

Do

?

sing or whistle, jabber or talk,

Does he

Can he

of Swat

young or old?

soup and

The Akond

When

?

they,

him extremely

whenever they can,

of Swat

?

well ?

rebel,

or plot.

At the Akond of Swat?

LAUGHABLE

40 If

LYRICS.

he catches them then, either old or young,

Does he have them chopped

in pieces or

or shot.

hung,

The AkondofSwat?

Do

his

people prig in the lanes or park ?

Or even

at times,

when days

garotte ?

are dark,

O Does he study the wants of

Or does

he care

n't

his

for public

the

Akond

a jot.

opinion

The Akond

To amuse

his

Pictures, or

mind do

any one's

his

last

of Swat

own dominion ? of Swat

?

people show him

new poem,

or what,

For the Akond of Swat ? At night

Do

if

he suddenly screams and wakes,

they bring him only a few small cakes,

or a lot,

For the Akond of Swat ?,

on

Docs he

live

Does he

like his

turnips, tea, or tripe ?

shawl to be marked with a

stripe,

or a dot,

The Akond Does he

like to lie

Like the lady

who

on

his

back

lived in that isle remote,

Shallott,

The Akond Is

he quiet, or always making a

Is his steward a Swiss or

Does he

like to sit

to sleep

of Swat

?

fuss ?

a Swede or a Russ,

or a Scot,

The Akond Or

of Swat?

in a boat

of Swat

?

by the calm blue wave ?

and snore

in a dark green cave,

or a grott.

The AkondofSwat? Does he drink small beer from a

Or

silver

a bowl? or a glass? or a cup? or a

jug?

mug?

or a pot,

The AkondofSwat?

LAUGHABLE Does he beat

When

she

his wife with a

LYRICS.

4I

gold-topped pipe,

the gooseberries grow too ripe,

lets

or rot,

The Akond Does he wear a white

And

tic

it

neat

in

a

tie

bow

when he dines with

or a knot,

with ends,

The Akond Does he

When

like

new cream, and

he looks

at the

of Swat ?

friends,

hate mince-pies

of Swat

?

?

sun does he wink his eyes,

or not.

The Akond of Swat? Does he teach

Does he

sail

his subjects to roast

and bake ?

about on an inland lake,

in a

yacht,

The Akond Some W'

one, or nobody, knows

I

of Swat?

wot

ho or which or why or what Is the

Note.

— For the existence of this potentate

The proper way

to read the verses is to

Akond

of Swat

see Indian newspapers,

/ajjm.

make an immense emphasis on

monosyllabic rhymes, which indeed ought to be shouted out by a chorus.

the

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