Book of Limericks 01 Lear
December 27, 2017 | Author: Lika Lk | Category: N/A
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A BOOK OF LIMERICKS
Tiiere was an Old Derry down Dcrry, Who loved \o see tiffle folks merry;
3o he made
them a Book. wi^h laughter ^h8y Shook A^ the fun oflhat Derry down Derry.
And
EDWARD LEAR iMNlltl WWilllWlllllWIPIItlllWPIIIIIIIWHWW
II
ilWIt ii'P
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H I(ll|i| | iWM>iri>f^i Wf limi
Qass.
Book.
BEQUEST OF ALBERT ADSIT CLEMONS (Not available for exchange)
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Man with a nose, " If you choose to suppose
There was an Old
Who
said,
That
my
nose
is
That remarkable
too long, you are certainly wrong
Man
!
with a nose.
There was a Young Person of Smyrna, Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her But she seized on the Cat, and
You incongruous Old Woman
said,
"Granny, burn
of Smyrna
" !
that
A BOOK OF NONSENSE^
26
There was an Old
Man on
a
hill,
Who seldom, if ever, stood still He ran up and down in his Grandmother's Which adorned that Old Man on a hill.
There was an Old Person of Chili, Whose conduct was painful and silly
He
sate
on the
stairs,
gown,
;
eating apples and pears.
That imprudent Old Person of
Chili.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old
Who bumped
at
But they called
Man
it all
out, "
27
with a gong,
the day long
Oh, law
you
!
're
a horrid old bore
So they smashed that Old
Man
with a gong.
There was an Old
Man
of Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny He spent all that money in onions and That wayward Old
Man
of Kilkenny.
honey,
" !
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
28
There was an Old Man of Columbia, was thirsty, and called out for some beer But they brought it quite hot,' in a small copper
Who
Which
disgusted that
man
pot.
of Columbia.
,^„,,^'-y"\
There was an Old Man in a tree, Who was horribly bored by a Bee ; When they said, " Does it buzz? " he It
's
a regular brute of a Bee."
replied,
" Yes,
it
does
!
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old Lady of Chertsey,
Who made
a remarkable curtsey
She twirled round and round,
Which
distressed
all
till
she sank underground.
the people of Chertsey.
There was a Young Lady whose chin
Resembled the point of a pin So she had it made sharp, and purchased a harp, ;
And
played seyeral tunes with her chin.
29
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
30
Man with a " sarpint " ran into his boot
There was an Old
A
But he played day and night,
And avoided
that
Man
with a
flute,
till
—
the " sarpint " took
flute.
There was a Young Lady of Portugal,
Whose
ideas were excessively nautical
She climbed up a
tree to
examine the
sea.
But declared §be would never leave P6rtuga],
flight,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old Person of Ischia, Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier He danced hornpipes and jigs, and ate thousands of figs, That
Old Person of Ischia
lively
There was an Old
Who
lived
When
Man
of Vienna,
upon Tincture of Senna
that did not agree,
That nasty Old
Man
;
he took Camomile Tea,
of Vienna,
31
A BOOK OF NONSENSE
32
•?r-
There was an Old Man Who said, " I 'm afloat
When
in a boat, !
I
'm
they said, "
!
afloat !
No, you ain't " he was ready Man in a boat. unhappy Old That
to faint,
There was an Old Person of Buda, Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder, Till at last with
a
hammer
they silenced his clamor,
3y smashing that Person of Buda.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old Man of Moldavia, Who had the most curious behavior on a For while he was able, he slept Moldavia. of Man Old funny That
•S3
table,
There was an Old Person of Hurst, drank when he was not athirst " What matter? When they said, " You '11 grow fatter " he answered
Who
!
That globular Person of Hurst.
A BOOK OF nonsensp:.
There was an Old Man of Madras, rode on a cream-colored Ass ; But the length of its ears so promoted
Who
That
it
kiUed that Old
Man
his fears,
of Madras.
r There was an Old Person of Dover,
Who
rushed through a
field
of blue clover
But some very large Bees stung
So he very soon went back
his
nose and his knees.
to Dover.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
ITiere was an
Old Person of Leeds,
Whose head was She
sat
on a
infested with beads
stool
and
Which agreed with
ate gooseberry-fool,
that Person of Leeds.
There was an Old Person of Cadiz, Who was always polite to all ladies But in handing his daughter, he fell
;
into the water,
Which drowned that Old Person of Cadiz.
35
A BOOK OF NONSENSE
36
There was an Old Man of the Isles, Whose face was pervaded with smiles
He
sang
**
High dum
That amiable
Man
;
diddle," and played on the fiddle,
of the
Isles.
There was an Old Person of Basing,
Whose presence
He
of mind was amazing
purchased a steed, which he rode
And
at full speed,
escaped from the people of Basing.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
37
There was an Old Man who supposed That the street door was partially closed But some very large Rats ate
While that
futile
his coats and Old Gentleman dozed.
his hats,
There was an Old Person whose habits Induced him to feed upon Rabbits
When he 'd eaten eighteen, he turned perfectly Upon which he relinquished those habits.
green,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old Man of the West, Who wore a pale plum-colored vest When they said, " Does it fit?" he replied, " Not a
That uneasy Old
Man
There was an Old
bit
of the West.
Man
of Marseilles,
daughters wore bottle-green veils
Whose They caught several Fish, which they put And sent to their Pa at Marseilles. :
in a dish,
!
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old
Whose
shoes
But they
Man
made
39
of the Wrekin,
a horrible creaking
said, " Tell us
whether your shoes are of leather,
Or of what, you Old Man
of the Wrekin?
"
There was a Young Lady whose nose
Was
so long that
it
reached to her toes
;
So she hired an Old Lady, whose conduct was
To
carry that wonderful nose.
steady,
40
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was a Young Lady of Norway, Who casually sat in a doorway ;
When
the door squeezed her
flat,
she exclaimed, "
" What of that ?
This courageous Young Lady of Norway.
There was an Old Man of Apulia, Whose conduct was very peculiar He fed twenty sons upon nothing but buns, ;
That whimsical
Man
of Apulia.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old
A
Man
cried, "
That angry Old
—
neck
beetle ran over his
But he
of Quebec,
41
With a needle
Man
I
'11
slay you,
O beadle
of Quebec.
There was a Young Lady of Bute,
Who
played on a
silver-gilt flute
She played several
jigs to
her Uncle's white Pigs
That amusing Young Lady of Bute.
;
** !
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
4^
There was an Old Person of Philoe, Whose conduct was scroobious and wily He rushed up a Palm when the weather was calm, ;
And
observed
all
There was an Old
Who
the ruins of Philoe.
Man
with a poker,
painted his face with red ochre.
When
they said, "
But knocked them
You
're
a
all dowjri
Guy
!
" he
made no
with his pokej.
reply,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
43
There was an Old Person of Prague,
Who
was suddenly seized with the plague
But they gave him some
And cured
that
butter,
Old Person of Prague.
There was an Old
Who
;
which caused him to mutter,
watched
Man
his wife
But once, by mistake,
That unfortunate
Man
of Peru,
making a stew in a stove
of Peru.
;
she did bake
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
44
There was an Old
Who
fell
Man
of the North,
into a basin of broth
;
But a laudable cook fished him out with a hook,
Which saved
that
Old
Man
of the North.
-"^"^--JL.
There was an Old Person of Troy, Whose drink was warm brandy and
Which he took In sight of the
soy,
with a spoon, by the light of the city of
Troy.
moon.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
45
There was an Old Person of Mold,
Who
slirank
from sensations of cold
So he purchased some muffs, some And wrapped himself well from the
furs,
and some
cold.
There was an Old Person of Tring, iVho embellished his nose with a ring
He
gazed
That
at the
ecstatic
moon
every evening in June,
Old Person of Tring.
fluffs,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
46
Man
There was an Old
From
his horse
had a
of Nepaul,
terrible fall
But, though split quite in two, with
They mended
that
There was an Old
Who Till
sharpened
he cut off
Qf sharpening
man
of Nepaul.
Man
of the Nile,
his nails with a
his
some very strong glue
file.
thumbs, and said calmly, " This comes
one's nails with a
file
.!
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old
Man
of
th'
Abruzzi,
So blind that he could n't his foot see When they said, " That 's your toe," he
That doubtful Old
Man
There was an Old
Who Till
of
th'
Man
47
replied, " Is
it
so
Abruzzi.
of Calcutta,
perpetually ate bread and butter
a great bit of muffin, on which he was stuffing,
Choked
that horrid
Old
Man
of Calcutta.
?
"
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
48
There was an Old Person of Rhodes,
Who strongly objected to toads He paid several cousins to catch them That
futile
There was an Old Man of the South, Who had an immoderate mouth ; But in swallowing a dish that was quite
He
by dozens,
Old Person of Rhodes.
was choked, that Old
Man
full
of Fish,
of the South,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
49
There was an Old Man of Melrose, walked on the tips of his toes
Who
But they
You
said, " It ain't pleasant to see
stupid Old
Man
of Melrose."
There was an Old
Man
of the Dee,
Who was When he
sadly
annoyed by a Flea
said,
"
Which grieved
I will scratch
that
Old
Man
it
!
you
at present,
;
" they gave
of the Dee.
him
a hatchet,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
sa
There was a Young Lady of Lucca,
Whose
lovers completely forsook her
She ran up a
tree,
and
Which embarrassed
There was an Old
The
He
Man
said " Fiddle-de-dee
" !
the people of Lucca.
of Coblenz,
length of whose legs was
immense
went with one prance from Turkey to France,
That surprising Old
Man
of Coblenz.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old
Man
Whose daughter was But one day, to
Which grieved
of Bohemia,
christened
his grief, she
that
Old
Man
There was an Old Man of Corfu, Who never knew what he should do So he rushed up and down,
That bewildered Old
Man
till
51
thief.
of Bohemia.
;
the sun
of Corfu.
Euphemia
married a
made him brown,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
52
There was an Old
Who
When
of Vesuvius,
the flames burnt his book, to drinking he took,
That morbid Old
There was an Old
Who
Man
studied the works of Vitruvius
Man
Man
of Vesuvius.
of Dundee,
frequented the top of a tree
When disturbed by And exclaimed, " I
the Crows, he abruptly arose, " return to Dundee !
'11
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
S3
There was an Old Lady whose folly Induced her to sit in a holly Whereon, by a thorn her dress being She quickly became melancholy. ;
There was an Old Man on some rocks, Who shut his Wife up in a box When she said, " Let me out," he exclaimed,
torn,
:
You
will
pass
all
your
life
in that box."
**
Without doubt
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
54
There was an Old Person of Rheims,
Who
was troubled with horrible dreams
So to keep him awake they fed him with cake, Which amused that Old Person of Rheims.
There was an Old
The
Man
of Leghorn,
smallest that ever was born
,
;
But quickly snapt up he was once by a Puppy, Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old
Whose
Man
in a
pew,
waistcoat was spotted with blue
But he tore
it
That cheerful Old
There was an Old
;
in pieces, to give to his Nieces,
Man
Man
in a
pew.
of Jamaica,
Who
suddenly married a Quaker But she cried out, " Oh, lack I have married a black !
Which
distressed that
Old
Man
of Jamaica.
" !
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
56
There was an Old Man who said, " How Shall I flee from this horrible Cow ? I will sit on this stile, and continue to smile.
Which may
soften the heart of that
Cow."
There was a Young Lady of Troy, Whom several large flies did annoy
Some
she killed with a thump, some she drowned at the pump,
And some
she took with her to Troy.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
57
There was a Young Lady of Hull, Who was chased by a virulent Bull But she seized on a spade, and called out,
Which
"Who's
distracted that virulent Bull.
There was an Old Person of Dutton,
Whose head was as small as a button So to make it look big he purchased a And rapidly rushed about Dutton,
wig,
afraid?"
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
58
There was an Old Man who said, " Hush " I perceive a young bird in this bush !
When It is
small ? " he replied, " " four times as big as the bush
they said,
*'
Is
it
Not
at all
!
There was a Young Lady of Russia,
Who
screamed so that no one could hush her
—
Her screams were extreme, no one heard such a scream As was screamed by that Lady of Russia.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
59
There was a Young Lady of Tyre,
Who
swept the loud chords of a lyre
;
At the sound of each sweep she enraptured the deep,
And eachanted
the city of Tyre.
There was an Old Person of Bangor,
Whose
He
face
was distorted with anger
and subsisted on That boragcible Person of Bangor. tore off his boots,
roots,
There was an Old
Who
gave
But they
That
all
all
Man
of the East,
his children a feast
ate so
much, and Old
Man
There was an Old
Man
it
killed that
Who
conduct was such,
of the Coast,
placidly sat on a post
But when
And
their
of the East.
it
was cold he relinquished
called for
some hot buttered
his hold,
toast.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
-There was an Old
Who His
To
Man
of Kamschatka,
possessed a remarkably
gait all
and
the
his
6i
fat
Cur
;
waddle were held as a model
fat doars in
Kamschatka.
There was an Old Person of Gretna,
Who
rushed
When
down
they said, "
the crater of Etna Is
it
;
hot? " he replied, " No,
That mendacious Old Person of Gretna.
it 's
not
" !
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
62
There was an Old Man with a beard, Who sat on a Horse when he reared But they
You
said, "
propitious
Never mind
Old
There was an Old
Man
!
you
Man
thin
;
he once, by mistake, was mixed up
So they baked
that
Old
behind,
!
of BerUn,
Whose form was uncommonly Till
will fall off
with a beard
Man
of Berlin.
in a cake,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old
Who never
Man
63
of the West,
could get any rest
set him to spin on his nose and Which cured that Old Man of the West.
So they
his chin,
There was an Old Person of Cheadle Was put in the stocks by the Beadle For stealing some pigs, some coats, and some wigs,
That horrible person of Cheadle.
BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old Person of Anerley, Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly
He
rushed
down
But returned
;
the Strand with a Pig in each hand,
in the
evening to Anerley.
There was a Young Lady of Wales,
Who
caught a large Fish without scales
When That
she
lifted
ecstatic
;
her hook, she exclaimed, " Only look
Young Lady of Wales.
!
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
65
There was a Young Lady of Welling, Whose praise all the world was a-telling She played on the harp, and caught several Carp, That accomplished Young Lady of Welling.
There was an Old Person of Tartary,
Who
divided his jugular artery
But he screeched to
Your death
will
be
his Wife,
felt
by
all
;
and she
Tartary
said,
" !
**
Oh, ray
life
!
BOOK OF NONSENSE.
A.
66
There was an Old
Who
danced a
Man
of Whitehaven,
quadrille with a
Raven
But they said, " It 's absurd to encourage this bird So they smashed that Old Man of Whitehaven.
There was a Young Lady of Sweden, Who went by the slow train to Weedon
When
they cried, "
Weedon
Station
!
!
;
" she
But thought she should go back to Sweden.
made no
observation,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
:67
a
There was an Old Person of Chester,
Whom
several small children did pester
They threw some
And
large stones,
which broke most of
his bones.
displeased that Old Person of Chester.
There was an Old
Who
Man
of the Cape,
possessed a large Barbary
Till the
Ape, one dark night,
Which burned
that
Ape
set the
;
house
Old Man of the Cape.
all
alight,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
68
There was an Old Person of Burton,
Whose answers were
When That
they said, "
distressing
rather uncertain
How
d'
ye do
?
Who
are
Old Person of Burton.
There was an Old Person of
Who
;
" he replied,
casually
fell
And when he was
in the
Ems
Thames
;
found, they said he was drowned,
That unlucky Old Person of Ems.
you? "
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
69
There was a Young Girl of Majorca, Whose Aunt was a very fast walker She walked seventy miles, and leaped
Which astonished
fifteen stiles,
that Girl of Majorca.
There was a Young Lady of Poole,
Whose soup was So she put
it
excessively cool
to boil
;
by the aid of some
That ingenious Young Lady of Poole.
oil,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
7©
There was an Old Lady of Prague, Whose language was horribly vague
When
they said,
"Are
these caps?" she answered, " Perhaps
!
That oracular Lady of Prague.
There was a Young Lady of Parma, Whose conduct grew calmer and calmer When they said, " Are you dumb? " she merely That provoking Young Lady of Parma.
said, "
Hum
" !
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
71
There was an Old Person of Sparta,
Who had twenty-five sons and one " darter " He fed them on Snails, and weighed them in scales, ;
That wonderful Person of Sparta.
There was an Old Man on whose nose Most birds of the air could repose ;
But they
Which
all
flew
away
relieved that
at the closing of day.
Old
Man and
his nose.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
72
There was a Young Lady of Turkey, Who wept when the weather was murky
When
the day turned out
fine,
she ceased to repine,
That capricious Young Lady of Turkey.
There was an Old Man of Aosta Who possessed a large Cow, but he But they
You
said, "
invidious
lost
her
Don't yon see she has run up a
Old
Man
of Aosta?
"
tree,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE,
There was a Young Person of Crete, Whose toilette was far from complete She dressed
in
;
a sack spickle-speckled with black,
That ombliferous Person of Crete.
There was a Young Lady of Clare,
Who
was madly pursued by a Bear she found she was tired, she abruptly expired, ;
When
That unfortunate Lady of
Clare.
73
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
74
There was a Young Lady of Dorking, Who bought a large bonnet for walking But
its
color
and
size so
;
bedazzled her eyes,
That she very soon went back
to
Dorking
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old Man of Cape Horn, Who wished he had never been bom So he
sat
on a Chair
till
he died of despair,
That dolorous Man of Cape Horn.
75
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
76
There was an old Person of Cromer, Who stood On one leg to read Homer
When
he found he grew
Which concluded
that
stiff,
;
he jumped over the
Person of Cromer.
cliff,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was an Old
Whose
He
Man
77
of the Hague,
ideas were excessively vague
;
a balloon to examine the moon, That deluded Old Man of the Hague. built
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
7S
There was an Old Person of Spain, Who hated all trouble and pain So he
sate
on a
chair with his feet in the
That umbrageous Old Person of Spain,
air,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
79
There was an Old Man who said, " Well Will nobody answer this bell? I
have pulled day and night,
But nobody answers
this bell
till !
my
hair has
grown
white,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
So
There was an Old
Man
with an Owl,
Who continued to bother and howl He sat on a rail, and imbibed bitter Which
refreshed that
Old Man and
ale.
his
Owl.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE,
There was an Old Man in a casement, Who held up his hands in amazement When they said, " Sir, you '11 fall " he !
That incipient Old
Man
in a casement.
replied, "
3i
Not
at all
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
$2
There was an Old Person of Ewell, Who chiefly subsisted on gruel But to make it more nice, he inserted some Mice,
Which
refreshed that Old Person of Ewell.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE,
There was an Old
Who So he
That
Man
of Peru,
never knew what he should do tore off bis hair, intrinsic
Old
83
and behaved
Man of
Peru.
;
like
a bear.
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
84
There was an Old
Who said, Two Owls Have
" It
is
Man
with a beard,
just as I feared
!
—
and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren.
all built
their nests in
my
beard."
There was a Young Lady whose eyes Were unique as to color and size ; When she opened them wide, people •And started away
in surprise.
all
turned aside,
A BOOK OF NONSENSE.
There was a Young Lady of Ryde, Whose shoe-strings were seldom untied ; She purchased some clogs, and some small spotty Dogs,
And
frequently walked about Ryde.
There was a Young Lady whose bonnet
Came
untied
But she
said,
when "
I
Are welcome to
sit
upon
the birds sate
don't care
on
mv
!
all
it
the birds in the air
bonnet
" !
8S
ONE HUNDRED NONSENSE PICTURES AND RHYMES.
A
A Who And
was an ape, stole
tied
some white
up
his toes
In four beautiful bows.
a Funny
old ape
!
tape,
B
B
was a
bat,
Who
slept
And
fluttered about
When
all
the day,
the sun went away.
Brown
little
bat
c
was a camel
You rode on his hump And if you fell off, You came down such a bump
C What a
high camel
J
!
D
D Who
was a dove, lived in a wood,
With such pretty
And
soft wings,
so gentle and good
Pear
little
dove
!
E
E Who And And
was an eagle, sat
on the rocks,
looked down on the the far-away flocks.
Beautiful eagle
fields
was a fan
Made of beautiful stuff; And when it was used, It
went puffy-puff-puff
Nice
little
fan
!
G G
was a gooseberry.
Perfectly red
To be made into jam, And eaten with bread.
g Gooseberry red
1
H
H
Who
was a heron, stood in a stream
The length of his neck And his legs was extreme.
Long-legged heron 10
I
I
was an inkstand,
Which stood on
a table,
With a nice pen
to write with
When we
Neat
are able.
little
inkstand
%|
was a jug,
So pretty and white, With fresh water in it At morning and night.
J Nice
little
jug
K
K
was a kingfisher
Quickly he
flew,
So bright and so pretty Green, purple, and blue.
Kingfisher blue
L
L
was a
lily,
So white and so sweet
To see it and smell it Was quite a nice treat.
1 Beautiful
lily
M
M Who
was a man, walked round and round
And he wore
;
a long coat
That came down to the ground.
m Funny old man
!
N was a nut So smooth and so brown
And when
was
it
ripe,
tumble-dum-down.
It fell
n Nice
little
nut
O o Who If
was an
you
He
oyster,
lived in his shell let
felt
him. alone,
perfectly well.
O Open-mouthed
oyster
!
p
Jl
was a poUy,
All red, blue,
The most
and green,
beautiful
poUy
That ever was seen.
Poor
little
poUy
-
Q
Vc^
was a
Made
into a
quill
pen do not know where, And I cannot say when.
But
I
Nice
little quill
R
R
was a rattlesnake,
Rolled up so
tight,
Those who saw him ran quickly. For fear he should bite.
r Rattlesnake bite
!
Cj
was a screw
To screw down a box And then it was fastened ;
Without any locks.
Valuable screw
T X Of
was a thimble, silver so bright
When
placed on the finger,
It fitted so tight
t Nice
little
thimble
!
u
u
was an upper-coat,
Woolly and warm,
To wear
over
all
In the snow or the storm.
U What
a nice upper-coat
i
V
V
was a veil With a border upon
And a All
ribbon to
it,
tie it
round a pink bonnet.
V Pretty green veil
I
w
w
Where,
was a watch, in letters of gold.
The hour of the day You might always behold.
W Beautiful watch
I
X
was King Xerxes,
Who wore on his head A mighty large turban, Green, yellow, and red.
X Look
at
King Xerxes
!
Y
^
'i^iLj^
..
llj
Y From
was a yak, the land of Thibet
P^xcept his white
He
was
all
tail,
black as
y I>o6k at the yak
jet.
^_^ was
a zebra,
All striped white
and black
;
he were tame,
And if You might
ride
on
his back.
Z Pretty striped zabra
There was a young person of Bantry,
Who
frequently slept in the pantry
When
disturbed by the mice, she appeased them with That judicious young person of Bantry.
There was an Old
Whose
feelings
When
they said,
Man
rice,
at a Junction,
were wrung with compunction
"The Train's gone!" he
forlorn!"
But remained on the
rails
of the Junction.
exclaimed,
"How
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
28
There was an old person of Minety, Who purchased five hundred and ninety Large apples and pears, which he threw unawares At the heads of the people of Minety.
There was an old man of Thermopyloe,
Who
never did anything properly said, " If you choose to boil eggs in your shoes.
But they
You
shall
never remain in Thermopyloe."
MqRE NONSENSE
29
PICTURES.
There was an old person of Deal, Who in walking used only his heel When they said, "Tell us why?" he made no
reply,
That mysterious old person of Deal.
There was an old man on the Humber, Who dined on a cake of Burnt Umber When he said, " It's enough !" they only
You amazing old man on the Humber
!
said,
" Stuff!
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
30
There was an old man in a barge. Whose nose was exceedingly large But
in fishing
Which helped
There was an old
A
by
night,
that old
man
it
supported a
man
light.
in a barge.
of Dunrose
parrot seized hold of his nose.
When
he grew melancholy, they
Which soothed
that old
man
said,
" His
of Dunrose.
name
's
Polly,"
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
31
There was an old man of Toulouse
Who
purchased a new pair of shoes
When
;
they asked, " Are they pleasant ? " he said,
*'
Not
at present
That turbid old man of Toulouse.
There was an old person of Bree,
Who
frequented the depths of the sea
She nurs'd the small fishes, and washed And swam back again into Bree.
all
the dishes,
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
32
There was an old person of Bromley, Whose ways were not cheerful or comely He sate in the dust, eating spiders and crust, That unpleasing old person of Bromley.
There was an old person of
Who
Shields,
frequented the vallies and fields
All the
mice and the
Followed
after that
cats,
and the snakes and the
person of Shields.
rats,
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
33
There was an old man of Dunluce, Who went out to sea on a goose When he 'd gone out a mile, he observed with a " It is time to return to Dunluce." :
There was an old man of Dee-side Whose hat was exceedingly wide. But he said, " Do not fail, if it happen
To come
under
my
hat at Dee-side
" !
smile,
to hail,
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
34
There was an old person
A
in black,
Grasshopper jumped on
When That
it
chirped in his
his
ear,
back
he was smitten with
fear,
helpless old person in black.
There was an old man of the Dargle
Who
purchased
six barrels of
Gargle
;
For he said, " I '11 sit still, and will roll them down For the fish in the depths of the Dargle."
hill,
MORE NONSENSE
PICTURES.
35
Tliere was an old person of Pinner,
As
thin as a lath,
if
They dressed him That
elastic old
not thinner
in white,
and
roll'd
him up
person of Pinner.
There was an old person of China, Whose daughters were Jiska and Dmah, Amelia and Fluffy, Olivia and Chufify,
And
all
of them settled in China.
tigl.t.
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
36
There was an old man in a Marsh, Whose manners were futile and harsh ; He sate on a log, and sang songs to a frog, That instructive old man in a Marsh.
There was an old person of
Brill,
Who
purchased a shirt with a frill But they said, " Don't you wish, you
You obsequious
may n't
old person of Brill ? "
look
like
a
fish,
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES
There was an old person of Wick,
Who
said, " Tick-a-Tick,
Tick-a-Tick
And
Chickabee, Chickabaw."
;
he said nothing more,
That laconic old person of Wick.
There was an old man at a Station, Who made a promiscuous oration But they said, " Take some snuff - You have !
You
afflicting
oldmai; ataStatiorj
talk'd quite
enough,
MORE NONSENSE
38
PICTURES.
There was an old man of Three Bridges, distracted by midges, He sate on a wheel, eating underdone veal,
Whose mind was Which
relieved that old
man
of Three Bridges,
There was an old man of Hong Kong, Who never did anything wrong ;
He
lay
on
his back, with his
head
in a sack,
That innocuous old man of Hong Kong.
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was a young person in green, Who seldom was fit to be seen She wore a long shawl, over bonnet and Which enveloped that person in green.
39
;
There was an old person of Fife, Who was greatly disgusted with life They sang him a ballad, and fed him on
all,
;
Which cured
that old person of Fife.
salad,
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
40
There was an old man who screamed out Whenever they knocked him about So they took
And
off his boots,
There was a young lady
Who
looked out
at the
But the birds of the
And
and fed him with
fruits,
continued to knock him about.
in white,
depths of the night
air, filled
her heart with despair,
oppressed that young lady in white.
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was an old person of Slough, Who danced at the end of a bough But they said, " If you sneeze, you might damage the
4T
;
You
trees,
imprudent old person of Slough."
There was an old person of Down, Whose face was adorned with a frown When he opened the door, for one minute or more,
He
alarmed
all
the people of
Down.
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
42
There was a young person
Who
in red,
.
carefully covered her head,
With a bonnet of leather, and three Besides some long ribands of red.
lines of feather,
Theve was an old person of Hove,
Who
frequented the depths of a grove
Where he That
;
studied his books, with the wrens and the rooks,
tranquil old person of
Hove.
43
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was a young person in pink, Who called out for something to drink
" there 's nothing but water But they said, O my daughter, Which vexed that young person in pink.
There was an old lady of France, dance taught little ducklings to
Who
;
" Tick-a-tack " they only said, she said, France. Which grieved that old lady of
When
!
Quack
^^ !
44
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES,
St There was an old person of Putney, Whose food was roast spiders and chutney, Which he took with his tea, within sight of the That romantic old person of Putney.
^^
^H^
I
There was an old person of Loo, Who said, "What on earth shall I do?" When they said, " Go away " she continued That vexatious old person of Loo!
sea,
_
to stay,
t
MORE NONSENSE
PICTURES.
45
There was an old person of Woking, Whose mind was perverse and provoking He sate on a rail, with his head in a pail, That illusive old person of Woking.
There was an old person of Dean Who dined on one pea, and one bean For he said, " More than that, would make That cautious old person of Dean.
me
too
fat,'
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
46
There was a young lady in blue, Who said, " Is it you ? Is it you ?
When
they said, " Yes,
it is,"
That ungracious young lady
There was an old
man
she replied only, " Whizz
!
in blue.
in a garden,
Who
always begged every one's pardon When they asked him, " What for?" he replied, "
And
I trust
you
'11
go out of
my
garden."
You
're
a bore
!
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was an old person of
Whose
Pisa,
daughters did nothing to please her
She dressed them
Round
47
in gray,
and banged them
all
day,
the walls of the city of Pisa.
There was an old person of Florence,
Who held mutton chops in abhorrence He purchased a Bustard, and fried him Which choked
in Mustard,
that old person of Florence.
MORE NONSENSE
PICTURES.
There was an old person of Sheen, Whose expression was calm and serene
He sate in the water, and drank bottled That placid old person of Sheen.
porter,
There was an old person of Ware, Who rode on the back of a bear
When they ask'd, " Does it trot?" he said, He 's a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear " !
Certainly not
MORE NONSENSE PICTURED
49
There was a young person of Janina, Whose uncle was always a fanning her
When "You
^
he fanned off her head, she smiled sweetly, propitious old person of Janina !"
itf^ There was an old man of Cashmere,
Whose movements were
scroobious and queer
Being slender and tall, he looked over a wall, And perceived two fat ducks of Cashmere.
and
said,
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
50
There was an old person of Cassel, finished off in a tassel
Whose nose But they
call'd out,
Which perplexed
"Oh
well
!
don't
it
look like a bell !"
that old person of Cassel.
There was an old person of Pett, Who was partly consumed by regret He sate in a cart, and ate cold apple
Which
tart.
relieved that old person of Pett,
MORE NONSENSE
PICTURES.
There was an old man of Spithead, Who opened the window, and said, " Fil-jomble, fil-junible, fil-rumble-come-tumble
51
—
** !
That doubtful old man of Spithead.
There was an old man on the Border,
Who lived in the utmost disorder He danced with the cat, and made Which vexed
all
tea in his hat.
the folks on the Bordej»
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
52
There was an old man of Dumbree,
Who
taught
For he
little
owls to drink tea
"
said,
That amiable
To eat mice is not man of Dumbree.
proper or
There was an old person of Filey, Of whom his acquaintance spoke highly
He And
danced
perfectly well, to the
nice,'
;
sound of a
delighted the people of Filej.
bell,
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES
There was an old man whose remorse Induced him to drink Caper Sauce ; cold For they said, " If mixed up with some It will
certainly soothe your remorse
There was an old man of Ibreem, suddenly threatened to scream
Who
claret-cup,
!
:
you do, we will thump you quite blue, " You disgusting old man of Jbreem J
But they
said, " If
54
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was an old person of Wilts, Who constantly walked upon stilts He wreathed them with lilies and daffy-down-dillies, That elegant person of Wilts.
There was an old person of Grange, Whose manners were scroobious and strange He sailed to St. Blubb in a waterproof tub,
That aquatic old person of Grange.
;
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
S5
There was an old person of Newry, Whose manners were tinctured with fury He tore all the rugs, and broke all the jugs, Within twenty miles' distance of Newry.
Dumblane, There was an old man of
Who
greatly resembled a crane ; " Is it wrong, since your legs are so long, said.
But they
To
request you won't stay in
Dumblane?
"
MOKE NONSENSE PICTURES.
Tnere was an old man of Port Grigor,
Whose
He
actions were noted for vigour
stood on his head
That
eclectic old
man
till
his waistcoat
turned red.
of Port Grigor.
There was an old man of El Hums,
Who
lived
upon nothing but crumbs,
Which he picked
off the ground, with the other birds round.
In the roads and the lanes of El HuraSc
MORE NONSENSE
There was an old
Who
man
PICTURES.
of West Dumpet,
possessed a large nose like a trumpet
When he blew it aloud, And was heard through
it
astonished the crowd,
the whole of West Dumpet.
There was an old person of Sark,
Who made But they
an unpleasant remark
said, "
You obnoxious
Don't you see what a brute you must be.
old person of Sark
" i
57
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
ss
There was an old
man whose
despair
Induced him to purchase a hare Whereon one fine day he rode wholly away, :
Which
partly assuaged his despair.
There was an old person of Barnes,
Whose garments were covered But they
said,
with darns
" Without doubt, you
You luminous person of Barnes
1
will
;
soon wear them out.
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES,
59
There was an old person of Nice, Whose associates were usually Geese.
They walked out together
in all sorts
That affable person of Nice
of weather,
!
There was a young lady of Greenwich,
Whose garments were
border'd with Spinach
But a large spotty Calf bit her shawl quite in
half,
Which alarmed that young lady of Greenwich.
6o
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was an old person of Cannes, Who purchased three fowls and a fan ; Those she placed on a stool, and to make them She constantly fanned them at Cannes.
There was an old person of
Ickley,
Who could not abide to ride quickly He rode to Karnak on a tortoise's back, That moony old person of Ickley
feel
cool
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
6i
There was an old person of Hyde, Who walked by the shore with his bride, Till a Crab who came near fill'd their bosoms with
And
they said, "
Would we
'd
never
left
There was an old person in gray, Whose feelings were tinged with dismay ; She purchased two parrots, and fed them with
Which pleased
that old person in gray.
fear,
Hyde I"
carrots,
MOKE NONSENSE PICTURES.
62
There was an old man of Ancona,
Who
found a small dog with no owner,
Which he took up and down
the streets of the town,
all
That anxious old man of Ancona.
There was an old person of
Who
Sestrl,
down in the vestry " You are wrong " he merely
sate himself
When
they said,
That repulsive old person of
;
!
Sestri.
said "
Bong
!
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
63
There was an old person of Blythe,
Who cut up his meat with a scythe When they said, " Well I never " !
That
lively old
!
;
he
cried, " Scythes for ever
person of Blythe.
There was a young person of Ayr, Whose head was remarkably square
On
:
the top, in fine weather, she wore a gold feather
Which dazzled
the people of Ayr.
;
1
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
64
There was an old person of Rimini, Who said, " Gracious Goodness !
!
When they said, " Please be still And was never more heard of at
There
is
I
it
Gimini
" she ran
!
down a
hill,
Rimini.
a young lady, whose nose,
Continually prospers and grows
When " Oh
!
O
grew out of
sight,
;
she exclaimed in a
Farewell to the end of
my nose
1
fright,
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
^5
There was an old person of Ealing, Who was wholly devoid of good feeling
He
drove a small
Which
There was
Who
distressed
aii
old
gig, with three all
man
abruptions old
Pig,
of Thames Ditton,
called out for something to
But they brought him a
You
Owls and a
the people of Ealing.
hat,
and
sit
on
said,
man of Thames
;
"
Sit
Ditton
upon "
t
that,
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
66
There was an old person of Bray,
Who To
sang through the whole of the day
his
ducks and
his pigs,
whom
he fed upon
figs,
That valuable person of Bray.
There was a young person whose
Was She
history
always considered a mystery sate in a ditch, although
And composed a
no one knew which, on history.
small treatise
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
67
There was an old person of Bow,
Whom
nobody happened to know So they gave him some soap, and said coldly, "
You
will
go back
directly to
Bow
We
hope
fall
off
" !
There was an old person of Rye, Who went up to town on a fly But they
said,
" If you cough, you are safe to
You abstemious
old person of
Rye
1
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
68
There was an old person of Crowle,
Who
lived in the nest of
When
an owl
they screamed in the nest, he screamed out with the
That depressing old person of Crowle.
There was an old Lady of Winchelsea,
Who said, " If you On the floor of my
needle or pin shall see
room, sweep
That exhaustive old Lady of
it
up with the broom
W jnchelgea J
.
!
rest,
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was an old man
Whose
in
69
a tree,
whiskers were lovely to see
But the birds of the
To make
air
pluck'd them perfectly bare,
themselves nests in that tree.
There was a young lady of Corsica,
Who
little brown saucy-cur upon ham, and hot raspberry jam,
purchased a
Which she
fed
That expensive yoimg-.kdy. of
Corsica*.
.
.
--
70
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was a young lady of Firle, Whose hair was addicted to curl It curled up a tree, and all over the That expansive young lady of Firle.
sea,
There was an old person of Stroud, Who was horribly jammed in a crowd
Some she slew with a kick, some she scrunched with a That impulsive old person of Stroud.
stick,
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
71
There was an old man of Boulak, Who sate on a Crocodile's back But they said, " Towr'ds the night he may probably
Which might vex you, old man of Boulak
bite,
!
There was an old person of Skye,
Who
waltz'd with a Bluebottle fly
They buzz'd a sweet
And
entranced
all
:
tune, to the light of the
the people of Skye.
moon,
72
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was an old man of Blackheath,
Whose head was adorned with a wreath Of lobsters and spice, pickled onions and That uncommon old man of Blackheath.
mice<
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was an old man, who when
little
Fell casually into a kettle
But, growing too stout, he could never get out.
So he passed
all
his life in that kettle.
73
MORE NONSENSE
74
PICTURES.
There was an old person of Dundalk,
Who tried to teach fishes to walk When they tumbled down dead, he ;
"
I
had better go back
to
Dundalk
grew weary, and I
said,
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was an old person of Shoreham, Whose habits were marked by decorum
He
bought an Umbrella, and sate
Which pleased
all
in the cellar,
the people of Shoreham.
;s
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
;6
There was an old person of Bar,
Who
passed
all
her
Which she painted
life
in
a
jar,
pea-green, to appear more serene,
That placid old person of
Bar.
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was a young person of Kew, Whose virtues and vices were few But with blamable haste she devoured some hot ;
Which destroyed
that
young person of Kew.
paste,
;8
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was an old person of Jodd, Whose ways were perplexing and odd She purchased a whistle, and sate on a And squeaked to the people of Jodd.
thistle,
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was an old person of Bude, Whose deportment was vicious and crude He wore a large ruff of pale straw-colored
Which perplexed
all
the people of Bude.
79
;
stuff,
MORE NONSENSE
So
PICTURES.
There was an old person of Brigg, purchased no end of a wig
Who
So that only his nose, and the end of his toes, Could be seen when he walked about Brigg.
MORE NONSENSE PICTURES.
There was an old man of Messina, Whose daughter was named Opsibeena She wore a small wig, and rode out on a
To
the perfect delight of Messina.
8i
pig,
NONSENSE SONGS.
CONTENTS.
NONSENSE SONGS.
?*««
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat
7
The Duck and the Kangaroo
10
The Daddy Long-legs and the Fly
14
The Jumblies
18
The Nutcrackers and the Sugar-tongs
21
Calico Pie
25
Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow
28
The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs
The Table and the Chair
.
32 35
NONSENSE SONGS.
THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT. 'X'HE Owl and
the Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat:
They took some honey, and plenty of
Wrapped up
in
a five-pound note.
The Owl looked up
And sang
"O
to the stars above,
to a small guitar,
lovely Pussy,
O
Pussy,
my
What a beautiful Pussy you
What a
money
You
are,
You
are
love,
are,
!
beautiful Pussy
you are
!
THE OWL AND THE PUSSV-CAT. II.
Pussy said to the Owl, " You elegant fowl,
How charmingly sweet Oh let us be married ;
!
But what
They
To And
shall
we do
sailed away, for
you
sing
!
too long
we have
tarried
a ring?"
for
a year and a day.
the land where the bong-tree grows;
there in a
With a ring
wood a at the
Piggy-wig stood,
end of
his nose,
end of
his nose.
His nose, His nose,
With a ring
at the
III.
" Dear Pig, are you willing to
Your ring?" So they took
By
the
it
sell for
one
shilling
Said the Piggy, " I will."
away, and were married next day
Turkey who
lives
on the
hilL
;
THE OWL AND THE PUSSV-CAT. They dined on mince and Which they
And hand
in
slices
of quince,
ate with a runcible
spoon;
hand, on the edge of the sand.
They danced by
the light of the
moon,
The moon, The moon, They danced by
the light of the
moon.
THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO. OAID the "
Over the
As
if
My life And I
I
Duck
Good
to the Kangaroo,
gracious
fields,
!
how you hop
and the water
you never would stop is
too, !
a bore in this nasty pond
long to go out in the world beyond
wish I could hop like you,"
Said the
Duck
to the
Kangaroo.
II.
'*
Please give
•*
I
Said the
would
me
Duck
sit
a ride on your back," to the
quite
still,
Kangaroo
:
and say nothing but QuacV
The whole of the long day through
*
;
THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO. And we 'd go Over the
the Dee, and the Jelly
land,
Please take
Bo
Lee,
and over the sea
me
a ride
oh,
!
do
!
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.
III.
Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,
" This requires some Perhaps, on the whole,
And Which Your
little it
might bring
me
there seems but one objection is, if
you
'11
let
me
speak so bold,
feet are unpleasantly
And
reflection.
wet and cold.
would probably give
me
Matiz," said the Kangaroo.
the roo-
luck
II
THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.
13
IV.
Said the Duck, " As
on the
I sate
rocks,
I have thought over that completely
And
I
bought four pairs of worsted socks.
Which And,
And
to
fit
my
web-feet neatly
keep out the
cold, I
every day a cigar I
All to follow
my own
Ve bought a
smoke
'11
cloak
;
dear true
Love of a Kangaroo." «
V.
Said the Kangaroo, " I 'm ready, All in the moonlight pale
But to balance
And
me
quite at the
well,
dear Duck,
end of
my
tail"
sit
steady.
;
THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO. So away they went with a hop and a bound
And
j
they hopped the whole world three times round.
And who
so happy,
As the Duck and
oh
!
who,
the Kangaroo ?
i3
THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE
/^NCE
Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
Dressed
in
brown and
Walked about upon
gray,
the sands
Upon a summer's day And there among the pebbles,
When
He
the wind was rather cold,
met with Mr. Floppy
All dressed in blue
And, as
it
was too soon to dine,
They drank some
And
Fly,
and gold
periwinkle-wine.
played an hour or two, or more,
At battlecock and shuttledore.
FLY,
THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THF
FLY.j
n.
Daddy Long-legs
Said Mr.
To "
Mr. Floppy Fly,
Why do I
you never come
wish you
and
All gold
You 'd
Why
me
'd tell
shine, in dress so fine,
quite delight the court.
do you never go
I really think
And,
at all ?
you ought.
you went, you
if
to court ?
why.
'd see
such sights
Such rugs and jugs and candle-lights And, more than
One
and one
in red,
in
green."
in.
"
O
"
Mr. Daddy Long-legs
!
Said Mr. Floppy Fly,
"
It
true I never go to court
's
And If I
I will tell
had
At once
oh
But,
!
you why.
long legs like yours,
six
I 'd
go to court
I can't,
because
Are so extremely
And
I
(One
;
my
legs
short.
afraid the king
in red,
Would
You
'm
and one
and queen
in green)
say aloud, 'You are not
Fly, to
come
to court a bit
IV.
" Oh, Mr.
!
the king and queen,
all,
Daddy Long-legs
Said Mr. Floppy Fly,
" !
fit, !
—
15
l6
THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE "
I wish
you
You used
one
'd sing
One mumbian
to sing so awful well
But now you never sing wish you 'd
I
if
To
;
at all
me why
tell
you would, the
Would
And
song,
little
melody.
In former days gone by
For,
:
sound
silvery
and cockles round,
please the shrimps
come
the crabs would gladly
all
Hum
hear you sing, 'Ah,
di
Hum !'"
V.
Daddy
Said Mr.
"
I
And,
you wish,
Although
For years
Or
And
I
it
I
'11
gives
cannot
;
you why,
sing the smallest song
My My six long Oppress
And,
tell
me pain. hum a bit,
this the dreadful
legs are
I
Long-legs,
can never sing again if
if I
reason
is,
grown too long
legs, all
my bosom
!
here and there.
with despair
stand or he or
sit,
cannot sing one single
bit
!
VI.
So Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy
Fly
down in silence by And gazed upon the
Sat
They
FLY.
said, " This
The world
has
is
all
the sea, sky.
a dreadful thing
gone wrong,
I
THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE Since one has legs too short by
The
other
much
The
his legs
half.
too long.
One never more can go Because
FLY.
to court,
have grown too short
other cannot sing a song,
Because
his legs
have grown too long
" !
vn.
Then Mr. Daddy Long-legs And Mr. Floppy Fly Rushed downward
to the
foamy sea
With one sponge-taneous cry
And
there they found a
Whose
And
sails
They
far
:
boat,
were pink and gray
off they sailed
Far and
little
among
the waves,
away
sailed across the silent main,
And
reached the great Gromboolian Plain
And
there they play forevermore
At battlecock and shuttledore.
THE JUMBLIES. T^HEY
went
In a In spite of
On
to sea in a sieve, they
sieve they all their
did;
went to sea
friends could say,
a winter's morn, on a stormy day,
In a sieve they went to sea.
And when
And They
the sieve turned round and round,
every one cried, " called aloud, "
You
Our
'11
all
be drowned
sieve ain't big
But we don't care a button, we don't care a In a sieve we
'11
go to sea
Far and few,
far
!
and
fig
!
few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies
live
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue
And
they went to sea in a sieve.
THE
JUMtJLIES.
19
II.
They
sailed
away
in
a sieve, they did,
In a sieve they sailed so
With only a
fast,
beautiful pea-green veil
Tied with a ribbon, by way of a
sail,
To a small tobacco-pipe mast. And every one said who saw them *'
Oh
go,
won't they be soon upset, you
!
For the sky
is
dark,
and the voyage
And, happen what may, In a sieve to
sail
Far and few,
know ? is
long
extremely wrong
it 's
so
fast."
far
and
few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies
live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue
And
they went to sea in a sieve.
III.
The water
it
The water
soon came it
keep them
So, to
In a pinky paper
And And
did;
wrapped
dry, they all
they fastened
Though
it
in
their feet
folded neat it
down
they passed the night
And each Yet
in,
soon came
of them said, "
in
with a pin.
a crockery-jar
How
wise
we
are
;
!
the sky be dark, and the voyage be
we never can
think
we were
long,
rash or wrong,
While round in our sieve we spin."
Far and few,
far
and
few.
Are the lands where the Jumblies
live
Their heiads are green, and their hands are blue
And
they went to
sea.
in
a
sieve,
j
THE JUMBLIES.
20
IV.
And
all
They
To
away;
night long they sailed
And when
the sun went down,
moony song
whistled and warbled a
the echoing sound of a coppery gong,
In the shade of the mountains brown.
" O Timballoo
When we And
We
all
sail
!
How
happy we are
hve in a sieve and a crockery-jar
night long, in the moonlight pale,
away with a pea-green
sail
In the shade of the mountains brown."
Far and few,
far
and
few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies
live
;
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue
And
they went to sea in a sieve.
V.
They
sailed to the
Western Sea, they
To a land all covered with And they bought an owl, and And a pound And a hive And
did,
—
trees
a useful cart,
of rice, and a cranberry-tart, of silvery bees
;
they bought a pig, and some green jackdaws,
monkey
And
a lovely
And
forty bottles of ring-bo-ree.
And no end
with lollipop paws.
of Stilton cheese.
Far and few,
far
and
few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies
live
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue
And
they went to sea in a sieve.
;
THE JUMBLIES.
21
VI.
And
in twenty years they all
came back,
In twenty years or more every one said, "
And
For they've been
And the hills And they drank
How
their health,
And
every one said, " If too, will hills
and gave them a
least
of beautiful yeast;
We,
the
!
and the Torrible Zone,
of the Chankly Bore."
Of dumplings made
To
they 've grown
tall
to the Lakes,
we only
go to sea in a
live,
sieve,
of the Chankly Bore."
Far and few,
far
and
few.
Are the lands where the Jumblies
live
:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue
And
they went to sea in a sieve.
THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.
T^HE
Nutcrackers sate by a plate on the table
The
And
Sugar-tongs sate by a plate at his side
the Nutcrackers said, " Don't you wish
Along the blue
Must we drag on So
hills
While every one
able
existence forever,
this stupid
and weary, so
idle
we were
and green meadows to ride?
of remorse,
full
else takes his pleasure,
Seems happy unless he
is
and never
riding a horse?
II.
"Don't you think we could
ride without being instructed,
Without any saddle or bridle or spur?
Our
legs are so long,
I'm Let us
And Shall
and so aptly constructed,
sure that an accident could not occur. all
of a sudden
hop down from the
hustle downstairs,
we
try?
Shall
table,
and each jump on a horse
we go?
The Sugar-tongs answered
Do
!
you think we are able?"
distinctly,
"
Of
course
'' I
THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.
2$
III.
So down the long
hopped
staircase they
The Sugar-tongs snapped, and
The
stable
was open
the Crackers said " Crack
the horses were in
;
a minute
in
" !
it
Each took out a pony, and jumped on his back.
The Cat
a fright scrambled out of the doorway
in
The Mice tumbled out of a bundle of hay The brown and white Screamed
out, "
Rats,
They
and the black ones from Norway,
are taking the horses
away
!
IV.
The whole of the household was The Cups and
The
Plates
The
the Saucers
on
Salt-cellar stood
his
head with a shout
with a clatter, looked out of the lattice
The Mustard-pot climbed up
the gooseberry-pies
;
Soup-ladle peeped through a heap of veal-patties,
And squeaked
The Frying-pan The
And
amazement
with
and the Dishes looked out of the casement
The Spoons,
The
filled
danced madly about
with
said,
a.
"
ladle-like
It 's
scream of
surprise.
an awful delusion
!
Tea-kettle hissed, and grew black in the face
they
all
rushed downstairs in the wildest confusion
To see the great Nutcracker- Sugar-tong race. And out of the stable, with screamings and laughter (Their ponies were cream-colored, speckled with brown),
The Nutcrackers
Rode
all
first,
and the Sugar-tongs
round the yard, and then
all
after,
round the town,
24
THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS. VI.
They rode through
the street, and they rode
They galloped away
to the beautiful shore
by the
station
;
In silence they rode, and " made no observation," Save
And
this
still
:
"
We
will
never go back any more
you might hear,
The Sugar-tongs Till, far in
snap,
till
!
they rode out of hearing,
and the Crackers say " Crack
the distance their forms disappearing,
They faded away ; and they never came back
I
!
CALICO
PIE.
I.
r^ALICO The
Down
pie,
little
birds
fly
to the calico-tree
:
Their wings were blue,
And Till
s
they sang " Tilly-loo
away they
And
y^
!
flew
they never
^**^
came back
They never came
back,
They never came
back,
They never came back
to
me
to
!
-^
"^
^^ me
!
.
CALICO
26
PIE.
11.
Calico jam,
The
Fish
little
swam
Over the Syllabub Sea.
He took
off his hat
To the Sole and the Sprat, And the Willeby-wat
But he never came back to
me
He never came back, He never came back, He never came back to me. III.
Calico ban.
The
To
little
be ready
Mice ran in time for tea
Flippity flup,
They drank
And danced
it all
up,
in the
cup
CALICO
PIE.
27
But they never came back to
They never came
me
back,
They never came back,
They never came back
to
me.
IV.
Calico drum,
The Grasshoppers come, The
Butterfly, Beetle,
and Bee,
Over the ground,
Around and round. With a hop and a bound
But they never came back,
They never came back,
They never came
back,
They never came back
to
me.
MR.
AND
/~\N
a
MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.
little
piece of
wood
Mr. Spikky Sparrow stood
:
Mrs. Sparrow sate close by,
A-making of an For her
insect-pie
children
little
In the nest and
five,
all alive
;
Singing with a cheerful smile.
To amuse them
all
the while,
" Twikky vvikky wikky wee,
Wikky bikky twikky Spikky bikky bee
tee, !
II.
Mrs. Spikky Sparrow said, " Spikky, darling
Many
!
in
my
head
thoughts of trouble come,
Like to
flies
upon a plum.
All last night, I heard
among
you cough,
I
the trees,
heard you sneeze
j
AND
MR,
And
MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.
thought
I,
'
It
's
come
to that !
Because he does not wear a hat
Chippy wippy sikky
tee,
Bikky wikky tikky mee, Spikky chippy wee
I
III.
" Not that you are growing old
But the nights
No
one
;
are growing cold.
stays out all night long
Without a hat
Mr. Spikky
I
:
'm sure "
said,
How
wrong "
it 's
!
kind,
Dear, you are, to speak your mind All your
Vou
are,
wish you luck
life I
you
are,
!
a lovely duck
!
Witchy witchy witchy wee, Twitchy witchy witchy bee,
Tikky tikky
tee
!
IV.
"I was
also sad,
When one day
I
and thinking. saw you winking.
And I heard you sniffle-snuffle. And I saw your feathers ruffle To myself I sadly said, :
*
She
's
neuralgia in her head
!
That dear head has nothing on
Ought she not
to
it
wear a bonnet ?
Witchy kitchy kitchy wee, Spikky wikky mikky bee,
Chippy wippy chee
!
!
-
29
AND
MR.
30
MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW. V.
" Let us both
There
I
'11
fly
up
town
to
:
buy you such a gown
!
\Vhich, completely in the fashion,
You
shall tie
a sky-blue sash on
And a
pair of slippers neat
To
your darling
So
fit
you
that
will
little feet,
look and feel
Quite galloobious and genteel. Jikky wikky bikky see,
Chicky bikky wikky bee,
Twicky witchy wee
" !
VI,
So they both to London went. Alighting
Whence
on the Monument
they flew
down
swiftly
Into Moses' wholesale shop
— pop
!
:
There they bought a hat and bonnet,
And
a
A satin And
gown
with spots
upon
Cloxam
blue,
sash of
it,
a pair of slippers too. Zikky wikky mikky bee,
Witchy witchy mitchy kee, Sikky tikky wee
!
VII.
Then, when so completely dressed,
Back they
flew,
and reached
Their children cried, "
How
truly beautiful
their nest.
O ma
you are
!
and pa
MR.
AND
Said they, "
We
shall
MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.
We
trust that cold or pain
never feel again
;
While, perched on tree or house or steeple.
We
now
shall
look like other people.
Witchy witchy witchy wee,
Twikky mikky bikky bee, Zikky sikky tee
" !
31
THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER, AND THE TONGS. I.
nPHE Broom and the They
And
all
Shovel, the Poker
took a drive in the Park
and Tongs,
;
they each sang a song, ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong
Before they went back in the dark.
Mr. Poker he sate quite upright in the coach
Mr. Tongs made a
clatter
Miss Shovel was dressed Mrs.
Broom was
and clash
all in
black (with a broorh)
in blue (with a sash)
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong
!
i
And
they
sang a song.
all
II.
"
O "
Shovely so lovely
You have
!
perfectly
" the Poker he sang,
conquered
my
heart.
;
!
THE BROOM, SHOVEL, POKER, AND TONGS. Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong
you with cold
I will feed
When
If
!
you 're pleased with
my
33 song,
apple-tart.
you scrape up the coals with a delicate sound,
You
enrapture
Your nose
And
is
my
with delight,
life
so shiny, your head
your shape
so round,
is
so slender and bright
is
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong Ain't
you pleased with
my
song? "
III. **
Alas
"
Mrs. Broom," sighed the Tongs in his song,
!
Oh
!
And my
is it
because I 'm so
legs are so long,
thin,
— ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong !^
That you don't care about me a pin ? Ah fairest of creatures, when sweeping the room. Ah why don't you heed my complaint ? !
!
Must you needs be so
cruel,
you
beautiful
Broom,
Because you are covered with paint? Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong
You
are certainly wrong."
IV.
Mrs.
Broom and Miss Shovel
" What nonsense you Said the Shovel, " I
'11
Said the Broom, "
're
together they sang,
singing to-day
certainly hit
And
I
'11
you a bang " !
sweep you away "
So the coachman drove homeward Perceiving their anger with pain 3
!
!
as fast as he could,
S4
fME BROOM, SHOVEL, POKER, AND TONGS. But they put on the
They
all
kettle,
became happy
and
little
by
again.
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong
There
's
an end of
my
song.
little
THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.
O AID the Table "You
How I If
we took
We
can hardly be aware
suffer
And from
from the heat
chilblains
a
little
might have a
Pray
let
to the Chair,
on
my
feet.
walk, little
talk
us take the air,"
Said the Xa,ble to the Chair.
II.
Said the Chair unto the Table,
" Now, you know we are not able
How
foolishly
you
talk,
When you know we
cannot walk
Said the Table with a sigh,
"
It
can do no harm to
I 've as
Why
many
can't
legs as
try.
you
:
we walk on two? "
!
:
36
THE TABLE AND THE CHAlIt III.
So they both went slowly down,
And walked
about the town
With a cheerful bumpy sound
As they toddled round and round
And everybody
cried,
As they hastened
to their side,
" See
and the Chair
!
the Table
Have come out
to take dae air
IV.
But
To
in going
down an
alley,
a castle in a valley,
They completely
And wandered Till, to
They
And
Who
see
lost their
all
them
the day
way, ;
safely back.
paid a Ducky- quack.
a Beetle, and a Mouse,
took them to their honse.
U«S
" !
THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.
Then "
O
they whispered to each other,
delightful
What a
little
lovely walk
brother,
we
've
taken
!
Let us dine on beans and bacon."
So the Ducky and the
Browny-Mousy and
leetle
the Beetle
Dined, and danced upon their heads Till
they toddled to their beds.
37
LAUGHABLE
LYRICS.
CONTENTS. LAUGHABLE
LYRICS.
The Dong with a Luminous Nose The Two Old Bachelors
Pag.
7 12
The Pelican Chorus
15
The Y0NGHY-B0NGHY-B6
21
The Pobble who has no Toes
27
The New Vestments
30
Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos
32
The Quangle Wangle's Hat
34
The Cummerbund
37
The Akond of Swat
39
LAUGHABLE LYRICS. THE DONG WITH A LUMINOUS NOSE. "1
1 rHEN
awful darkness and silence reign
Over the great Gromboolian
Through
When
plain,
the long, long wintry nights
the angry breakers roar
As they beat on the rocky shore ; When Storm-clouds brood on the towering heights
Of the
Hills of the
Chankly Bore,
—
Then, through the vast and gloomy dark
There moves what seems a
A lonely
fiery spark,
spark with silvery rays
—
LAUGHABLE
LRYICS.
Piercing the coal-black night,
A
Meteor strange and bright
Hither and thither the vision
A Slowly
Anon
And
A
it
And
wanders, pauses, creeps,
ever as onward
light
From
who watch
—
and leaps
gleaming goes
it
on the Bong-tree stems
those
strays,
single lurid light.
sparkles, flashes,
it
at that
throws.
it
midnight hour
Hall or Terrace or lofty Tower,
Cry, as the wild light passes along,
"The Dong!
the
Dong
—
!
The wandering Dong through The Dong
The Dong Long
!
the
he
fell
at eve
Where
And And
all
!
years ago gay.
Jumbly
to those shores
For the Jumblies came Landing
I
Nose "
with a luminous
in love with a
Who came
the forest goes
Dong
The Dong was happy and Till
—
one day.
in a sieve, they did,
near the
the
Girl
—
Zemmery Fidd
Oblong Oysters grow,
the rocks are smooth and gray.
the
woods and the
With the Chorus they
daily
valleys rang
and
" Far andfew far t
Are
nightly sang,
—
andfew,
the lands where the Jumblies live;
Their heads are green,
and their hands are
And they went to sea in
a
sieve,**
blue.
LAUGHABLE
LYRICS.
Happily, happily passed those days
While the cheerful Jumblies staid
They danced
To
;
in circlets all night long,
the plaintive pipe of the lively Dong,
In moonlight, shine, or shade.
For day and night he was always there
By
the side of the
Jumbly
Girl so
fair,
With her sky-blue hands and her sea-green hair rill
the morning
came of
that hateful
j
day
^'hen the Jumblies sailed in their sieve away,
And
Dong was
the
left
on the cruel shore
Gazing, gazing for evermore,
Ever keeping
his
That pea-green
weary eyes on
sail
on the
far horizon,
Singing the Jumbly Chorus
As he
—
still
day on the grassy
sate all
Their heads are green^
went
The Dong Has
And By
in the
arose and said,
quite
and
Ringing, "
Might
O
I find
For ever
I
Till I find
'11
a
sieve."
West,
—
sense I once possessed
gone out of
my head
since that day he wanders
lake
and their hands are
to sea in
But when the sun was low
little
—
the lands where the Jumblies live
And they
" What
hill,
andfew, far andfew
"jRzr
Are
—
forest,
marsh and
somewhere,
my
Jumbly
" !
still
hill,
in valley or plain,
Girl again
!
seek by lake and shore
my Jumbly
Girl
once more
!
blue.
LAUGHABLE
lO
LYRICS.
Playing a pipe with silvery squeaks,
Since then his Jumbly Girl he seeks
And because by
He
night he could not see,
On
the flowery plain that grows.
And he wove him
A Of vast
And
Twangum Tree
gathered the bark of the
Nose
a wondrous Nose,
as strange as a
—
Nose could be
proportions and painted red,
back of
tied with cords to the
In a hollow rounded space
it
his
head.
ended
With a luminous Lamp within suspended. All fenced about
With a bandage
To And
stout
prevent the wind from blowing
with holes
all
round to send the
it
light
In gleaming rays on the dismal night.
And now
each night, and plains
the wail of the
You may
night long,
roams the Dong
Over those
And above
still
all
Chimp and Snipe
hear the squeak of his plaintive pipe,
While ever he seeks, but seeks
To
in vain,
meet with his Jumbly Girl again
Lonely and wild,
The Dong
And
all
From
all
night he goes,
with a luminous
who watch
at the
Nose
;
—
!
midnight hour,
Hall or Terrace or lofty Tower,
Cry, as they trace the Meteor bright,
Moving along through the dreary
night,
—
out
LAUGHABLE " This
is
the hour
The Dong
LYRICS.
when
forth
with a luminous Nose
Yonder, over the plain he
He He
he goes, !
goes,.-
goes goes,
The Dong
—
with a luminous
Nose
!
THE TWO OLD BACHELORS. T^WG old
Bachelors were living in one house
One caught
a Muffin, the other caught a Mouse.
who caught
Said he
the Muffin to
" This happens just in time
Save a tiny
And what
slice
to
do
him who caught the Mouse,
For we
!
've
nothing
—
in the house,
of lemon and a teaspoonful of honey, for dinner
And what can we expect
if
— since we have we have
n't
any money ?
n't
any dinner,
But to lose our teeth and eyelashes and keep on growing thinner ? Said he
"
We
If
who caught
might cook
the
Mouse
this little
to
him who caught the Muffin,
Mouse,
if
we only had some
we had but Sage and Onion we could do extremely
But how
to get that Stuffin'
it
is difficult to tell
Those two old Bachelors ran quickly
And asked
for
to the
—
Stuffin'
well
" !
town
Sage and Onion as they wandered up and down
"
LAUGHABLE LYRICS. They borrowed two
But some one
And And An
to
said, "
among
there
earnest
pull
hill
there
Man, who reads
a
is,
all
little
way
to the north.
leads forth
—
—
with your Onion (cut up likewise into Scraps),
—
all
studious as he
into endless
little
bits
— perhaps."
time
Those two old Bachelors without
loss of
The
nearly purpledicular crags at
once began to climb
And
at the top,
They
"You
We
among
the rocks,
all
seated in a nook,
saw that Sage a-reading of a most enormous book.
earnest
Sage!" aloud they
enough
in
cried,
"your book you've read
wish to chop you into bits to mix you into
But that old Sage looked calmly up, and with
Stuffin'
" !
his awful book,
At those two Bachelors' bald heads a certain aim he took
And
—
sits,
toes,
your Stuffin' will be ready, and very good
When
be found
day a most perplexing page.
him by the
him down, and chop him
Then mix him
all
to
the Gardens round.
the rugged rocks abides an ancient Sage,
Climb up, and seize
And
A
purpledicular top a narrow
its
no Sage was
large Onions, but
In the Shops, or in the Market, or in
1
;
over Crag and precipice they rolled promiscuous down,
At once they
And when
rolled,
and never stopped
in lane or field or
—
town
;
they reached their house, they found (besides their want
of Stuffin'),
The Mouse had They
left their
And from
that
fled
home
— and,
previously,
in silence
had eaten up the Muffin.
by the once convivial door
hour those Bachelors were never heard of more.
THE PELICANS.
THE PELICAN CHORUS. TV'ING and Queen
No
of the Pelicans we
other Birds so grand
None but we have
feet like fins
we
see
!
With lovely leathery throats and chins
!
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee
!
We
think no Birds so happy as
Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican
We We By
live
on the
night
we
By day we
On
think so then, and
Nile.
sleep
fish,
The
on the
and
we
jill
Nile
we
!
!
we thought
cliffs
at eve
;
!
so
still
love.
above
we stand
long bare islands of yellow sand.
And when' the sun
And
sinks slowly
down.
the great rock walls grow daxk and brown,
LAUGHABLE
1
Where
And
the purple river rDlIs fast
and dim
the Ivory Ibis starlike skim,
Wing
wing we dance around,
to
Stamping our
flumpy sound,
feet with a
Opening our mouths
And
LYRICS.
this is the
as Pelicans ought
song we nightly
snort,
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee
We
think
Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pehcan
We Last year
And
all
To do
!
no Birds so happy as we
think so then,
!
jill
and we thought so
came out our Daughter
still I
Dell,
the Birds received her well.
her honor a feast
we made
For every bird that can swim or wade,
Herons and
Gulls,
—
and Cormorants black,
Cranes, and Flamingoes with scarlet back, Plovers
and
Storks,
and Geese
Swans and Dilberry Ducks
Thousands of Birds
They
ate
in
in
in clouds,
crowds
wondrous
and drank and danced
And echoing back from
:
flight all
night,
the rocks you heard
Multitude-echoes from Bird and Bird, Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee
We
think
no Birds so happy
as
Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican
We Yes, they
think so then, and
came
;
all
!
we
rest
!
jill
we thought
and among the
The King of the Cranes
—
so
-
grandly dressed.
still
LAUGHABLE LYRICS. Such a lovely
tail
Its feathers float
!
Between the ends of
his blue dress-coat;
With pea-green trowsers
And
a delicate
frill
all
so neat,
to hide his feet
(For though no one speaks of
He
I7
it,
every one knows
has got no webs between his toes).
As soon
as he
saw our Daughter
In violent love that Crane King
On
seeing her waddling form so
With a wreath of shrimps
Dell, fell,
—
fair,
in her short white hair.
And
before the end of the next long day
Our
Dell had given her heart
away
;
For the King of the Cranes had won
With a Crocodile's egg and a She vowed
to
marry the King of the Cranes,
Leaving the Nile
And away Of
that heart
large fish-tart.
for stranger plains
;
they flew in a gathering crowd
endless birds in a lengthening cloud. Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee
We
think no Birds so
happy
Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican
We And
We
far
think so then,
away
as
we
and we thought so
in the twilight sky
heard them singing a lessening cry,
Farther and farther,
And we
!
jill
till
—
out of sight,
stood alone in the silent night
Often since, in the nights of June,
We
sit
on the sand and watch the moon, 9
—
stiU
1
LAUGH ABCE
1
LYRICS.
She has gone to the great Gromboolian
And we
probably never
Oft, in the long
We
sit
still
shall
Plain,
meet again
!
nights of June,
on the rocks and watch the moon,
—
She dwells by the streams of the Chankly Bore.
And we
probably never shall see her more.
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee
We
think
no Birds so happy
Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican
We
—
think so then, and
as
!
we
!
jill
we thought
so
still
Note. The Air of this and the following Song by Edward Lear; the Arrangement for the Piano by Professor Pome, of San Remo, Italy.
THE YONGHY BONGHY
b6.
Camto.
Om
the
MtMt ot Co-
n
•
m»n.dii,yr)tenibem.tfftmpkiatfnw.
lath*
TlAKO.
Sg^^di
^^^m^^
middle or th* -ood.,LiTed theYonghj Bon^hj B6.
Two old chun «>d
half t
mxUe,
Om
«U
) -ja-:^ -»- ._j^.
T^F^
THE COURTSHIP OF THE YONGHYBONGHY-B5.
f~\^
the Coast of
Where
Coromandel
the early
pumpkins blow,
In the middle of the woods
Lived the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.
Two
old chairs, and half a candle,
One
old jug without a handle,
These were
all
—
his worldly
goods
In the middle of the woods,
These were
all
the worldly goods
Of the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6, Of the Yonghy-Bonghy-BQ,
.
,
LAUGHABLE
22
LYRICS.
II.
Once, among the Bong- trees walking
Where
the early pumpkins blow,
To a little heap of stones Came the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo. There he heard a Lady
To some
milk-white
talking,
Hens of Dorking,
" 'T is the Lady Jingly Jones
On
that
Sits the
little
Lady
!
heap of stones "
Jingly Jones
!
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6,
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.
III. **
Lady
Jingly
Sitting
!
Lady
Jingly
!
where the pumpkins blow,
Will you
come and be my
wife ?
"
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.
"I
am
On
this coast so wild
I If
tired of living singly^
and
'm a-weary of my you
'11
—
shingly,
life
come and be my
Quite serene would be
wife,
my
life
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6, Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.
IV.
"
On
this
—
Coast of Coromandel
Shrimps and watercresses grow,
" !
LAUGHABLE
plentiful
Prawns are
^3
LYRICS. and cheap,"
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.
"
You
have
shall
my
chairs
and candle,
jug without a handle
And my
Gaze upon the (Fish
is
As the
rolling
plentiful
sea,
my
!
deep
and cheap)
love
is
deep
;
!
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6, Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.
V.
Lady
Jingly answered sadly,
And "
her tears began to flow,
—
Your proposal comes too
late,
Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-B6 I
would be your wife most gladly
(Here she twirled her " But in England
Yes For
!
you
in
've
fingers madly,)
a mate
I 've
asked
England
!
me
I 've
far
too
a mate,
Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo
Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-B6 VI. **
Mr. Jones
(his
name
is
Handel,
Handel Jones, Esquire,
&
—
Co.)
Dorking fowls delights to send, Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-B6 Keep, oh, keep your chairs and candle,
And your I
jug without a handle,
—
can merely be your friend
!
!
late.
LAUGHABLE LYRtCS.
24
Should
my
Jones more Dorkings send,
you
I will give
my
three,
Mr. Yonghy-Bongy-B6
friend
!
!
Mr. yonghy-Bonghy-B6
!
VIL " Though you 've such a tiny body,
And your head
so large doth grow,
Though your
hat
may blow
—
away,
Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-B6
Though you Yet
're
such a
I wish that I could fy the
words
I
Hoddy Doddy, modi-
needs must say
Will you please to go
That
is all
I
!
away ?
have to say,
Mr. Yongby-Bonghy-B6 Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-B6
!
VIIL
Down
the slippery slopes of Myrtle,
Where
To
the early
pumpkins blow,
the calm and silent sea
Fled the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6. There, beyond the Bay of Gurtle,
Lay a
large
" You
and 're
lively Turtle.
the Cove," he said, " for
On
your back beyond the sea. " Turtle, you shall carry me !
Said the Yonghy-Bo"nghy-B6,
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.
me
LAUGHABLE LYRICS.
2t
IX.
Through the
Did the Turtle Holding
Rode
ocean
silent-roaring
fast
swiftly
upon
go
;
his shell
the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.
With a sad primaeval motion
Towards the sunset Still
isles
of Boshen
the Turtle bore him well.
Holding
fast
upon
his shell,
" Lady Jingly Jones, farewell
Sang the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6, Sang the Yonghy-Bonghy-B5.
X.
From
the Coast of
Did
that
Coromandel
Lady never go
;
" !
LAUGHABLE LYRICS.
26
On
that
heap of stones she mourns
For the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.
On
that Coast of
Coromandel,
In his jug without a handle Still
she weeps, and daily moans
On that little heap of stones To her Dorking Hens she moans, For the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6, For the Yonghy-Bonghy-B6.
THE POBBLE WHO HAS NO T^HE
TOES.
Pobble who has no toes
Had once as many as we When they said, " Some day you may He replied, " Fish fiddle de-dee ,•
lose
them
!
And
his
Aunt Jobiska made him drink
Lavender water tinged with pink
For she
said, "
There
nothing so good for a Pobble's toes
's
The World
in general
knows
II.
The Pobble who
Swam
has no toes.
across the Bristol Channel
But before he
set out
he wrapped his nose
In a piece of scarlet flannel.
" !
all
" ;
LAUGHABLE LYRICS.
28
For
Aunt Jobiska
his
Can come
And
it 's
Are safe
to his toes
perfectly
said, " if
his
known
No harm
nose
is
warm
;
that a Pobblc's toes
— provided he minds
his nose."
IIL
The Pobble swam
And when
He
fast
and
boats or ships
well,
came near him,
tinkledy-binkledy-winkled a bell
So
And
that all the world could hear him.
the Sailors and Admirals cried,
all
When they saw him nearing the further side, " He has gone to fish, for his Aunt Jobiska's Runcible Cat with crimson whiskers
!
IV.
But before he touched the shore,
The
—
bhore of the Bristol Channel,
A sea-green
Porpoise carried away
His wrapper of
scarlet flannel.
And when he came
to observe his feet,
Formerly garnished with toes so neat,
His face
On
at
once became forlorn
perceiving that
And nobody From
his toes
were gone
ever knew,
that dark
Whoso had
all
day to the present.
taken the Pobble's toes.
In a manner so
far
from pleasant.
I
LAUGHABLE
LYRICS.
Whether the shrimps or crawfish
Or
crafty
Mermaids
Nobody knew
How
;
stole
2Q
gray,
them away,
and nobody knows
the Pobble was robbed of his twice five toes
!
VL The Pobble who
Was
And
has no toes
placed in a friendly Bark,
they rowed him back, and carried him up
To his Aunt Jobiska's Park. And she made him a feast, at his earnest Of eggs and buttercups fried with fish
wish,
;
And
she said, " It
's
a fact the whole world knows,
That Pobbles are happier without
their toes."
THE NEW VESTMENTS. '"PHERE lived an old man in the Kingdoni Who invented a purely original dress And when
He
it
was perfectly made and complete,
opened the door and walked
By way
into the street.
of a hat he 'd a loaf of Brown Bread,
In the middle of which he inserted
His
of Tess,
Shirt
head
his
was made up of no end of dead Mice,
The warmth
of whose skins was quite
fluffy
His Drawers were of Rabbit-skins, so were His Stockings were
skins,
but
it is
not
and nice his
;
Shoes
known whose
;
;
His Waistcoat and Trowsers were made of Pork Chops His Buttons were Jujubes and Chocolate Drops
His Coat was
And
Pancakes, with
a girdle of Biscuits to keep
And he wore
A
all
over
all,
Jam it
for
a border,
in order
as a screen from
bad weather,
Cloak of green Cabbage-leaves stitched
He Of
all
together.
had walked a short way, when he heard a great all
And
sorts of Beasticles, Birdlings,
from every long
street
and dark lane
in the
town
a tumult rushed down.
Beasts, Birdies,
and Boys
Two Cows and
a Calf ate his Cabbage-leaf Cloak
'''our
Apes seized
in
his Girdle,
noise.
and Boys
which vanished
like
;
smoke
LAUGHABLE Three Kids
ate
up
half of his
LYRICS.
3I
Pancaky Coat,
And the tails were devour'd by an ancient He Goat An army of Dogs in a twinkling tore up his Pork Waistcoat and Trowsers
And
Ten Boys prigged
He
tried to
Pigs
fat
came again and again
They jumped on
drawers
his
his shoulders
and knocked
made
up
his Shirt
off his hat,
of dead Mice
I will
;
the last of his Shirt with a squall,
Whereon he ran home with no
clothes
:
a mincemeat of that
speedily flew at his sleeves in a trice,
utterly tore
And he
;
and gray Cats without end
Crows, Ducks, and Hens
They swallowed
"
and
the housetops with scrcechings descend
Striped, spotted, white, black,
And
:
hovels and doors
tore off his stockings, his shoes,
And now from
They
the Chops,
run back to his house, but in vain,
For scores of
When
mumbling
the Jujubes and Chocolate Drops.
They rushed out of stables and
They
Puppies
to give to their
while they were growHng, and
on
at all.
said to himself, as he bolted the door,
not wear a similar dress any more,
\ny more, any more, any more, never more
" !
—
AND
MR.
MRS. DISCOBBOLOS. I.
TV/TR.
AND
MRS. DISCOBBOLOS
Climbed
And And
to hear the Nupiter Piffkin cry,
And
the Biscuit Buffalo
They took up a xA-nd
to the top of a wall.
they sate to watch the sunset sky,
call.
and some Camomile
roll
tea,
both were as happy as happy could be, Till
"
Mrs. Discobbolos said,
Oh
!
W
!
It has just
—
X Y Z !
!
come
into
my
Suppose we should happen to
head, fall
!
!
!
!
Darling Mr. Discobbolos
!
II. **
Suppose we should
fall
down
flumpetty,
Just like pieces of stone,
On
to the thorns, or into the moat.
What would become of your new green
And might you It
never occurred to
That perhaps we
me
shall
before,
never go
down any more
And
Mrs. Discobbolos said,
"
!
Oh
W X !
coat ?
not break a bone ?
!
Y Z !
!
LAUGHABLE LYRICS. What put
To
climb up
head
into your
it
33
my own
this wall,
Darling Mr. Discobbolos ?
"
in.
Mr. Discobbolos answered, " At
first it
me
gave
pain,
And I felt ray ears turn perfectly pink When your exclamation made me think
We But now
To
might never get down again I believe
remain
for ever just
And Mr. " It
Oh
!
where we are."
Discobbolos said,
W
has just
We
!
X Y !
come
Z
!
into
never go
shall
!
wiser far
it is
!
my
down
head again.
Dearest Mrs. Discobbolos
" !
IV.
So Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos Stood up and began to sing, " Far away from hurry and
Here we
strife
pass the rest of
will
—
life.
Ding a dong, ding dong, ding
!
We
want no knives nor forks nor
No
tables nor carpets nor household cares
From worry
Oh
!
W
There
is
!
of
life
we
X Y Z !
!
chairs,
've fled
;
!
no more trouble ahead,
Sorrow or any such thing,
For Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos
1
THE QUANGLE WANGLE'S HAT. /^N
the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle But
his face
On For
you could not
account of
his
his
sat,
see,
Beaver Hat.
Hat was a hundred and two
With ribbons and bibbons on every
And
bells,
and buttons, and
loops,
feet wide,
side,
and
lace,
So that nobody ever could see the face
Of
the Quangle
Wangle Quee.
II.
The Quangle Wangle
To
said
himself on the Crumpetty Tree,
LAUGHABLE LYRICS. " Jam, and
jelly,
and bread
Are the best of food But the longer
The
I live
for
on
plainer than ever
me
that
life
!
Crumpetty Tree
this
seems to
it
That very few people come
And
35
on the whole
this
is
far
me
way "
from gay
!
Said the Quangle Wangle Quee.
in.
But there came to the Crumpetty Tree Mr. and Mrs. Canary
And
they said, " Did ever you see
Any
spot so charmingly airy
May we
?
build a nest on your lovely
Hat?
Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that
O
please let us
Of whatever
come and
build a nest
material suits you best,
Mr, Quangle Wangle Quee
" !
IV.
And
besides, to the
Came The
Crumpetty Tree
and the Bumble- Bee,
Snail
The Frog and
the Fimble Fowl
(The Fimble Fowl, with a Corkscrew
And
all
Owl
the Stork, the Duck, and the
of
We may
them
said,
build our
"
We
leg)
humbly beg
homes on your
lovely Hat,
Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee
I
—
LAUGHABLE
36
And
the
And And the
Golden Grouse came
the Pobble
And
LYRICS.
small
the
who
Olympian
Dong
there,
has no toes, bear,
with a luminous nose.
Baboon who played
And
the Blue
And
the Orient Calf from the
And
the Attery Squash, and the Bisky Bat,
All
came and
built
the flute,
Land
of Tute,
—
on the lovely Hat
Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.
VL And "
the Quangle
Wangle said
To himself on the Crumpetty Tree, When all these creatures move What a wonderful
And
at night
They danced
On
by the
noise there light of the
'11
be
'* !
Mulberry
to the Flute of the Blue
moon
Baboon,
the broad green leaves of the Crumpetty Tree,
And
all
were as happy as happy could be,
With the Quangle Wangle Quee.
THE CUMMERBUND. AN INDIAN POEM.
OHE sate upon her Dobie, To And
watch the Evening
Star,
the Punkahs, as they passed, how fair you are " 1 Cried, " all
My
!
Around her bower, with quivering
The
tall
Kamsamahs
leaves,
grew.
And Kitmutgars in wild festoons Hung down from Tchokis blue. II.
Below her home the
With
soft
river rolled
meloobious sound,
Where golden-finned Chuprassies swam, In myriads circling round.
Above, on
tallest trees
remote
Green Ayahs perched alone.
And
all
Its
night long the
Mussak moan'd
melancholy tone. III.
And where
the purple Nullahs threw
Their branches
far
and wide.
LAUGHABLE
38
And The
Goreewallahs flew
silvery
In
by
silence, side
flagrant air,
angry Jampan howled
oft the
Deep
side,
Bheesties' twittering cry
little
Rose on the
And
LYRICS.
in his hateful
lair.
IV.
She sate upon her Dobie,
Nimmak hum,
She heard the
When "
all
at
once a cry arose,
The Cummerbund
In vain she fled
:
come
" !
with open jaws
The angry monster
And
is
followed,
so (before assistance
came)
That Lady Fair was swoUowed. V.
They sought
in vain for
even a bone
Respectfully to bury
They
said,
" Hers was a dreadful fate
!
(And Echo answered, " Very.")
They
nailed her Dobie to the wall,
Where
last
her form was seen.
And underneath
they wrote these words,
In yellow, blue, and green " Beware, ye Fair
Nor
sit
And >
Ye
Fair,
beware
!
out late at night.
Lest horrid
Jfon. —
!
:
Cummerbunds should come,
swollow you outright."
First published in Times
of India, Bombay, July, 1874.
THE AKOND OF SWAT. "1
Is
1 7H0, he
tall
Does he
or why, or which, or what,
Is the
Akond
of Swat
or short, or dark or fair? sit
on a
or squat?
stool or a sofa or chair,
The Akond Is
he wise or
Does he
foolish,
drink his
And when
or hot,
his coffee cold,
riding abroad does he gallop or walk,
Does he
sleep
fez,
on a mattress, a bed, or a mat,
he writes a copy
in
Does he cross his T's and
of Swat ?
or a hat? or a cot,
The Akond round-hand finish his
of Swat?
size,
Fs
with a dot.
The Akond
of Swat?
write a letter concisely clear
Without a speck or a smudge or smear
or blot.
The Akond his people like
Or do
of Swat?
or trot.
The Akond Does he wear a turban, a
Do
?
sing or whistle, jabber or talk,
Does he
Can he
of Swat
young or old?
soup and
The Akond
When
?
they,
him extremely
whenever they can,
of Swat
?
well ?
rebel,
or plot.
At the Akond of Swat?
LAUGHABLE
40 If
LYRICS.
he catches them then, either old or young,
Does he have them chopped
in pieces or
or shot.
hung,
The AkondofSwat?
Do
his
people prig in the lanes or park ?
Or even
at times,
when days
garotte ?
are dark,
O Does he study the wants of
Or does
he care
n't
his
for public
the
Akond
a jot.
opinion
The Akond
To amuse
his
Pictures, or
mind do
any one's
his
last
of Swat
own dominion ? of Swat
?
people show him
new poem,
or what,
For the Akond of Swat ? At night
Do
if
he suddenly screams and wakes,
they bring him only a few small cakes,
or a lot,
For the Akond of Swat ?,
on
Docs he
live
Does he
like his
turnips, tea, or tripe ?
shawl to be marked with a
stripe,
or a dot,
The Akond Does he
like to lie
Like the lady
who
on
his
back
lived in that isle remote,
Shallott,
The Akond Is
he quiet, or always making a
Is his steward a Swiss or
Does he
like to sit
to sleep
of Swat
?
fuss ?
a Swede or a Russ,
or a Scot,
The Akond Or
of Swat?
in a boat
of Swat
?
by the calm blue wave ?
and snore
in a dark green cave,
or a grott.
The AkondofSwat? Does he drink small beer from a
Or
silver
a bowl? or a glass? or a cup? or a
jug?
mug?
or a pot,
The AkondofSwat?
LAUGHABLE Does he beat
When
she
his wife with a
LYRICS.
4I
gold-topped pipe,
the gooseberries grow too ripe,
lets
or rot,
The Akond Does he wear a white
And
tic
it
neat
in
a
tie
bow
when he dines with
or a knot,
with ends,
The Akond Does he
When
like
new cream, and
he looks
at the
of Swat ?
friends,
hate mince-pies
of Swat
?
?
sun does he wink his eyes,
or not.
The Akond of Swat? Does he teach
Does he
sail
his subjects to roast
and bake ?
about on an inland lake,
in a
yacht,
The Akond Some W'
one, or nobody, knows
I
of Swat?
wot
ho or which or why or what Is the
Note.
— For the existence of this potentate
The proper way
to read the verses is to
Akond
of Swat
see Indian newspapers,
/ajjm.
make an immense emphasis on
monosyllabic rhymes, which indeed ought to be shouted out by a chorus.
the
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