Benefits of A Hotwife Relationship - An Explanation For The Reluctant Wife - Benefits of A Hotwife Relationship

 

Benefits of a Hotwife Relationship: an Explanation for the Reluctant Wife.

By Lydia Fitzpatrick

Contents

Introduction “I’ll be home late tonight, so don’t wait up!” The modern term for this behavior. Historic examples of this behavior. How common is this today? Common Advantages Common Disadvantages Conclusion References

Introduction

This book was written from the desire to acquaint the public (mainly women) on an often misunderstood and shunned subject: that of a wife having sex outside her marriage with her husband’s consent. Throughout history the unfaithful wife has been the subject of much hate and ridicule, and in some societies punished with death.

What of the wife who, with her husband’s consent takes on a new lover while at the same time remaining committed to her marriage with her husband? I have been fortunate enough to experience this form of love for many years, and such is the happiness it has brought me that I feel compelled to help other women achieve the same. no professional to Psychology back up any claims in the proceeding pages.IIhave do not hold a Ph.D. merits in Human nor am I I a make licensed marriage counselor. Nevertheless, I do feel that years of experience (personal and second

 

hand) has given me enough authority to write on the subject while at the same time doing it justice. Because this form of love consists mostly of fragments from much less specific fetishes (all of which have been covered extensively elsewhere by experts far more competent than myself) I have kept this book brief, focusing mainly on anxieties that the unacquainted or reluctant wife will no doubt have. Because of the unusual nature of such relationships the initial exposure to the idea of taking on a lover outside of one’s marriage is often shocking or even offensive to most women, and it often takes a good deal of time to do away with long held conventions imposed by a hypocritical and chauvinistic society. For the women and couples who have managed to do this, many have found that it was time well spent. What follows are generalizations based on data compiled from public domain sources, interviews and firsthand accounts. In the case of names I have substituted actual names with aliases. You may find some similarities with your situation, or none at all.

Our modern culture refers to a wife who has multiple sexual partners with her husband’s consent as a ‘hotwife’. If the reader finds interest in this unconventional but highly rewarding behavior it is hoped he or she will find value in the pages ahead.

-Lydia Fitzpatrick

“I’ll be home late tonight, so don’t wait up!”

Home late? How late? What will my wife be doing that will not only keep her up late in the evening, but out of the house as well?

These questions and their potential answers guarantee a sleepless night.

Eventually she returns, tiptoeing into the bedroom.

Undressing, she makes her way to your bed, embracing you with one arm while throwing a leg over you.

Her face, now pressed close to yours. A familiar scent grabs your attention and immediately dispels what little drowsiness you had while arousing your manhood. The

 

scent of sex.

This man’s wife returned home after an evening of sex with some other than her husband. She allowed another man to not only enter her, but deposit his seed in that most intimate and sacred of places. This aroused the husband to such a state of desire that despite a sleepless first half of the evening, he spent the next few hours reconnecting her to their marital bed. The morning found husband and wife slumbering blissfully: the husband lost in a dreamy and undefined exhilaration; the wife thoroughly exhausted but content. Her lover’s sperm the only hurry in an otherwise tranquil bedroom.

“We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.”

- Marilyn Monroe

It is not uncommon for a happily married women to find herself in the bed of a man who is not her husband; indeed events like those above repeat themselves countless times across the world every day. It is also not uncommon for the husband to be an eager supporter of his wife’s sexual adventures outside of their marriage, even to go as far as scouting potential lovers for her. This is not a phenomenon unique to our modern times. If ancient texts are to serve as a guide to the behaviors of our ancestors, this is a practice as old as love itself.

The modern term for this behavior.

The modern term for this type of relationship is hotwife. A hotwife is a women who with her husband’s consent, has lovers outside of her marriage. The typical hotwife is a women who has been married for about 10 years. She is generally happy and considered by per peers to be successful. She has also reached middle age and falls in the middle to upper-class tax bracket. She has probably graduated from a four year college, has a full-time job, children and leads a busy life. It is highly probable that you know, work with, or are even related to a hotwife.

Such the diversity be found in modern marriages that a single word to a is very flexible andto varied element of human sexuality isapplying inappropriate. The guidelines that each couple adheres to within their own marriages are as diverse as

 

the couples who practice this, but the common element in all hotwife arrangements is that the husband has no sexual contact outside of his marriage. He remains committed and faithful to his wife, and approves of the sexual relationships she forms with other men. These other men can be a single boyfriend of many years, or several less-than memorable encounters taking place over the course of a month. Many couples stumble upon this form of marriage after exploring fantasies involving different sexual partners. Many practice the hotwife lifestyle but never assign a definition to their wife’s sexual freedom.

“But better die than live mechanically a life that is a repetition of repetitions.”

- D.H. Lawrence

Why would a normal, emotionally stable man want this?

The majority of women, on first hearing of their husband’s desires to share her with other men, understandably react negatively. Society tells us that good husbands jealously guard their wives and that women must be content with and, above all, faithful to their husbands. To take another man into her bed breaks the sanctity of their marriage and will no doubt ruin her relationship, won’t it? For some men and women this is true. For many others however, this is not at all the case. To those wives new to this lifestyle, some common questions and feelings are:

1 - Why would my husband want this?

2 - Is he trying to find an excuse to sleep with other women?

3 - Does my husband’s desire to watch me have sex mean he has homosexual tendencies?

4 - My husband does not value the sanctity of our marriage.

5 - My husband has psychological issues.

 

6 - Having sex with another man is only something a slut would do.

Why would my husband want this? This is the question most wives first ask themselves and their husbands. The answer to this will vary greatly depending on the husband. For a small percent of husbands, the fears expressed above may have some truth to them. Some may want extra leverage to sleep with other women or an excuse for divorce. Others may indeed be harboring latent homosexual feelings. The truth is these fears are rarely the case and the majority of men genuinely enjoy empowering their wives to this degree.

“In my interactions with society I've felt and noticed an unspoken undercurrent of animal lust and primitive sexual desires that lives just under the surface of everyday communication and interaction. Occasionally these desires transcend established social norms and you have (very lucky) wives with two men in her bed. I also see jealous husbands ready to murder other men just for holding a door open for their wife; an oddly amusing behavior that I attribute to the husbands inability to overcome the extreme culture that he was conditioned to. I look at all of this and shrug it off to people being people and move on with my day.” -Niles, USA

A truth common to all husbands who share this desire is that they extract boundless pleasure from their wives sleeping with other men. Most report feeling a stronger sense of intimacy and affection for their wives after she has sex with other men. While there are biological reasons for this, most men only recognize the act as incredibly arousing and intensely satisfying on a deeply emotional level.

As in so much of human sexual behavior, the mind unconsciously pursues behavior at odds with what common sense dictates. Research has shown than one reason men enjoy giving their partners oral sex as a form of foreplay is that it provides them with indications of possible infidelity. These indications are rarely apparent to the male’s conscious mind, yet they guide the subsequent sexual actions he takes in a way that is most favorable to the conception of a child:

“If there is a chance a different male’s sperm is inside my wife, I need to inseminate her as fast as possible and with as much sperm as possible.”

Of course, men will rarely realize they are doing this and only recognize oral sex as a means to provide his partner with sexual pleasure and to prepare her vagina for intercourse.

 

This is one reason why many men find infidelity in their partner so arousing. On a basic and primitive level, sexual commerce is a means to perpetuate ones genetic material. If one’s partner is inseminated with the sperm of a competing male, it is in the husband’s best interest to deposit his own sperm into her and as soon as possible. Examples of this can be seen in the husband’s almost universal craving of sex with his wife after she has been with a different lover. On a conscious level, the husband’s mind is telling him that he needs to ‘reclaim her as his wife’ which often leads to mind-blowing, toe curling sex. Unconsciously, the part of his brain that is concerned with ensuring his genes are perpetuated is telling him he needs to deposit as much sperm into her as he can, as a means of competing with her lover’s sperm.

An almost equal amount of women enjoy sex with her husband directly after sex with her lover as well and for almost the same reason. Competition in sperm inside her is to her advantage. It is in her best interest to have the sperm of two competing males in her, as this will provide her potential child with the genes from the genetically superior partner. This is known as sperm competition and can be witnessed throughout the animal kingdom.

Responses to why husbands enjoy their wives having sex with others.

What follows are reasons husbands have given for wanting their wife to take on lovers. As you can see, they are not overly concerned with the biology behind their desires and a good deal fall in the realms of emotion and friendship.

‘I like that this lifestyle because keeps me from thinking of my wife as a possession, like she is something to be owned. Before we found this lifestyle there were times when I took her for granted, like an object. My cat is mine, as well as my shows and my car. With my wife ownership doesn’t work. Seeing her as an independent, capable women drives me up the wall.’

-Dennis, County Clare Ireland

‘For me, seeing my wife with someone else is an adrenalin rush. Some guys find excitement and adventure by hang gliding, mountain climbing or other equally risky sports. I can’t afford to have those kind of adventures but being married to a hotwive produces those mind-blowing experiences for free. The feeling of ridding ourselves of this cultural norm and telling society to fuck off is exhilarating.’

 

-Steven, Massachusetts USA

‘Being able to step back and just observe her having sex allows me to truly appreciate the wonder that is her and witness the poetry of her sexuality in motion. I love her and I love to watch her or even just imagine her in action as she tells me of her night out.’

-Benjamin, Halifax Canada

‘I think of it like this: if my wife is so sexy that other men want to have sex with her, what does that say about me, the man she chose to spend her life with? She may spend time in their beds, but in the end she always comes back to mine. If I am married to such a hot and sexy woman, I must be one helluva man.’

-Anonymous, USA

‘My wife very graciously compares me favorably with her other lovers. That's a good thing for my ego. But I also know that feeling attractive is absolutely essential to her feelings of self-confidence, and surely the best way to confirm her attractiveness is to get other men into bed with her, no?’

-William, Texas USA

‘I’m so into my wife that the idea of her getting pleased turns me on. I have a feeling that a good deal of men are turned on by this, but are too insecure in their marriage or sexuality to admit it, and this is why wife sharing is looked down upon: its human nature to shun something we don’t understand or can’t handle.’

-Jack, Washington USA

‘I see sex as an expression of love and affection, not a tool couples use and hold over each other. If we tell our spouses to restrict expressing this love a certain way, what are we saying about our own insecurities? If all adults are willing and consent, where is the harm?’

 

-Sarah and Tom, Yorkshire England

Clearly the reasons for husbands desiring this type of behavior of their wives vary greatly. Although these benefits are examined more thoroughly later on, some common reasons are:

1 - It affirms me in my manhood, knowing that my wife is the desire of other males.

2 - I like the power it gives my wife.

3 - I enjoy watching other people have sex.

4 - It makes me happy knowing she is experiencing pleasure.

“One's duty is to feel what is great, cherish the beautiful, and to not accept the conventions of society with the ignominy that it imposes upon us.”

-Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary

Historic examples of this behavior.

Wife sharing, or the hotwife relationship model is not well known or understood by most folks, and because of this it is often associated with adultery, polyandry (the practice of a women taking multiple husbands) or something negative and socially unacceptable. Often times it is not defined at all, only seen as a case of a wife being unfaithful to her husband. Though often hidden from society, this practice is as old as humanity itself with accounts of wives enjoying this type of freedom dating as far back as written history allows. Rather than repeating the already well documented attitudes that generations past had on extramarital sex, let’s examine a few examples relevant to the topic of hotwives:

 

Julius Caesar records that it was customary among the wives of ancient Britons to have between ten or twelve male lovers in common to them. From this account it seems these women practiced something not unlike our modern hotwife lifestyle. Given the mortality rate of those remote times due to war, sickness and ill-luck it’s not unreasonable to assume there wasn’t too much of a difference between husband and lover.

Allia Potestas was a women who lived sometime during the 4th century, AD. In 1912, her grave was discovered by workmen in Rome. We know about her life by the lengthy epitaph on her tomb, a portion of which details the affection she shared between two men:

‘While she soOrestes guided her two young lovers that they became like the exampleshe of lived Pylades and one house would hold them both and one spirit. But now that she is dead, they will separate, and each is growing old by himself. Now instants damage what such a woman built up; look at Troy, to see what a woman once did. I pray that it be right to use such grand comparisons for this lesser event.’

The epitaph goes on to say that ‘when she went out, famous among the populace’ and ‘she remained virtuous because she never committed any crime.’ It seems that this women was considered popular and honorable by the community, even though she lived with and loved more than one man.

Allia Potestas with Orestes and Pylades

In Victorian times, women were expected to have sex with only one man, their husband. However, it was acceptable for men of high standing to have multiple sexual partners, while their wives stayed with their husbands on the grounds that divorce was not an option. Victorian society viewed female infidelity as negatively as we do today, with novels at the time detailing the inevitable tragic end of the alleged adulteresses as seen in Tolstoy’s “Anna Karenina” and Flaubert’s “Madame Bovary”.

 

“Chastity - the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions.”

-Aldous Huxley

How common is this today?

Statistics on how many married couples practice this form of open relationship very by such a wide margin that assigning a percentage to them would be out of place. Instead, let’s look at other indicators. A search on Google yields over 6 million results for the term ‘hotwife’. The number of English language internet forums/message boards on the topic number into the hundreds, with some hundreds of thousands registered users. From the introductions that husbands post on these message it can be seen that it while many men want this typefetish of arrangement, not manyboards are able to differentiate among the countless other websites, and fewer still end up finding discussion boards devoted solely to this topic.

It is assumed that the number of men and women who have secret affairs greatly outnumber the amount of couples whose trust in each other is such that they allow their wives to pursue sex outside of her marriage. The obvious reason for this is that in our society, affairs and divorce are much more acceptable than the taboo of a wife having an open sexual relationship outside of her marriage, even though when exposed secret love affairs often tear families apart.

Let’s examine recent statistics on marriage and infidelity. According to a recent Journal of Marital and Family Therapy survey, over 50% of men and women surveyed said they committed adultery at some point in their marriage. 68% of women and an astounding 74% of men said they would have an affair if they know they would never get caught. So why all this cheating? It would take a lifetime of research to cover all the reasons for why people commit adultery, but it is generally recognized that as with food, people enjoy variety in love as well.

Instead of cheating on one’s spouse, many by communicating their desires openly and concerns and questions that they no doubt desires a new sexual partner and for some

couples choose embrace their human nature maturely while discussing the fears, have. Often times it is the husband who couples this is a solution to their

problem. Some women may be ok with this but the vast majority will have, understandably, strong misgivings about another women sleeping with her husband. Some women, in wanting to appear open minded and please their husbands, never voice

 

these misgivings and the results are invariably disastrous. For many men the solution isn’t for them to explore with new partners but for their wives to do the exploring for both of them. In these cases the husband lives vicariously through his wife, enjoying her sexual exploits as much (if not more) than her, at the same time avoiding the possibility of a jealous wife. In surveys where the husband desires this type of arraignment and the wife consents, the effects on the couple’s sex life and marriage is overwhelming positive.

Oh, when I was in love with you Then I was clean and brave, And miles around the wonder grew How well did I behave.

And now the fancy passes by And nothing will remain, And miles around they'll say that I Am quite myself again.

Advantages and Drawbacks

The couples to practice the hotwife lifestyle do it because it enhances their marriage and sex life in some form or another and they find its benefits outweigh its negatives. The following pages touch upon some of the more common advantages and disadvantages to be found in a hotwife relationship. There are many more that aren’t mentioned here, and others that may be unique to you relationship alone.

Common Advantages

It affirms me in my manhood, knowing that my wife is the desire of other males.

 

This is a common response from most husbands. Men like to show off what they have to other guys. When a man buys a new car, most will not let it sit in the driveway but drive it around in hopes of making the guy driving the ’88 hatchback envious. Men also like to show off their wives in public, especially to other males, as it boosts their egos. For some men, the ultimate ego boost is letting another man have sex with his wife, knowing that she is his wife and although another man is sleeping with her, in the end she will return to his bed. Its validation that he is man enough to retain such a magnificent women.

I like the power it gives my wife.

A good many men prefer their wives to be the shy and timid type: happy to play the stereotypical role of an unremarkable suburban housewife. This is sometimes caused by feelings of insecurity and inadequacy on the part of the husband, his reasoning being that “if she was her own women she’d no doubt find someone better than myself.” There are men, however who are secure enough with themselves to feel the complete opposite of this. They enjoy the thought of being married to a strong, capable women who is both empowered and willing to live life on her terms.

I enjoy watching other people have sex.

Most people (especially men) are voyeuristic in nature. This fact accounts for the $14 billion a year pornography business. For a man to be able to watch people have sex in person (perhaps even in his own bedroom) is the stuff of fantasy for hundreds of thousands of men. For some couples who practice the hotwive relationship, the women does not invite her husband to watch. This is completely normal for a good many couples, and although most husbands are content merely hearing her stories second hand it is up to the couple to decide the level of husband involvement.

It makes me happy knowing she is experiencing pleasure.

 

Husbands enjoy seeing their wives happy and bring this happiness about in a number of different ways. Some prefer expensive gifts while others enjoy surprise vacations. For some, the ultimate gift is letting his wife experience the pleasure and excitement of a new sexual partner. A common complaint among couples who have been married for a length of time is that their sex lives grow stale. Introducing a new sexual partner into the bedroom is guaranteed to spice things up, even if it is just the wife enjoying the new partner. Some wives say they pick up new sexual techniques from their extramarital partner or partners, techniques that can be applied to their marriage.

We feel more strongly connected as a couple then we ever have.

A wife sleeping with a man who is not her husband forces the couple to face many truths about their relationship. As such, they become deeply aware of each other’s motives, feelings and ways of reasoning. The husband and wife who partakes in the hotwife lifestyle have laid bare to each other the innermost and most secretive desires of their minds. The husband sometimes takes up the unexpected and oddly amusing role of relationship counselor to his wife in dealing with men outside her marriage.

We are now communicating more often than we used to.

The husband must overcome the stigma of sharing his wife not only to himself, but also admit this to his wife; a profoundly difficult task too many men. For a good majority of husbands admitting this to their wives is a terrifying prospect, one that is on par with death and far surpasses the fear of public speaking. After all, once the husband expresses this desire and once wife has sex with someone else, what else can there be to hide from each other? What more is there that is too hard to express?

It has become a shared adventure and our little secret.

The ultimate inside joke between a husband and wife can be how they choose to portray their relationship with the wife’s lover(s). Often time her lover is painted as a close friend or coworker of the husbands. When the husband, wife and

 

her lover all attend the same social function or gathering of friends, the erotic secrets that’s shared between these three individuals is the stuff of Hollywood scandals. The wife and her lover socializing with the guests, all the while thinking “If they only knew the truth, they’d die from shock!” These events can lead to the most erotic and intensely satisfying sex between the husband and wife, the wife and her lover, or all three.

I no longer view my wife as a possession or object.

Men own cars and houses. They own cloths, furniture and all the little devices that make modern living so convenient. When a man comes to categorize his wife among the things he owns it usually spells trouble for his marriage. When a man views his wife as an independent person, with a will and life of her own their marriage can’t help but benefit.

From the examples above it can be seen that the reasons couples choose to engage in this lifestyle vary widely. For the overwhelming majority of couples the two major reasons are:

1 - It is seen by the husband as a highly erotic and therefor enjoyable act

2 - It reinvigorates the couple’s marriage and strengthens their emotional bond.

Naturally, a married women sleeping with another man will have far reaching effects and consequences- good and bad, some of which neither the husband nor the wife can predict. Bringing a new person into one’s bedroom is not a decision to be made lightly, and the couple needs to have a solid marriage built on trust, communication and mutual respect or the consequences may be disastrous. Confusion, jealously and all the negative aspects of open relationships may come into play and for this reason it is imperative the couple be stable, honest and committed to each other.

 

Common Disadvantages

Feeling that this is not something a good, morally sound women would do.

Many women view any kind of extramarital sex as adultery, regardless of whether or not her husband consents to it. While there are a good number of couples who do not see this as a form of cheating, this question of morals is ultimately something the women will have to decide for herself. With statistics quoted that over half of marriages today ending in divorce (a good number due to cheating) one might conclude that being a hotwife is not as morally bankrupt as many other options.

What if my family found out?

This is a very common fear amongst those new to the hotwife lifestyle. Most people don’t choose to have the details of what goes on in their bedrooms public knowledge. Due to the prevailing negative views on extramarital sex of any kind, most husbands and wives choose not to publicize their openness with the world. Sometimes despite their best efforts, the details of the wives sexual adventures become known to family or friends. How the couple chooses to respond depends on innumerable factors, but at the end of the day we must remember that we’re all human and generally people take this into account when passing judgment.

Unintended pregnancy.

The vast, vast majority of couples who venture into this realm of sexuality are not 18-year olds fresh out of High School. Most couples who practice the hotwife lifestyle appreciate that with unprotected sex between fertile men and women there is always the risk of pregnancy and take appropriate precautions. It has been stated that one person out of seven are the result of sex between their mother and someone other than their presumed father, so clearly not everyone uses effective safeguards.

 

Sexually transmitted dieses.

Information on sexually transmitted dieses is so readily available on the internet, that the dangers of and protections against won’t be covered here. Much of this is common sense and will only be mentioned for customs sake. If a women decides to take on a lover outside of her marriage she has the responsibility of informing her husband of the lover’s sexual health. Likewise, a man who has sex with someone’s wife has an obligation of informing her of any sexually transmitted dieses he may be carrying. If a wives lover is not sexually exclusive to her, he should be forthcoming about his other sexual partners. If a wife or her potential lover is hesitant to provide printed results of clinical exams to each other, one or both parties may lack the maturity for such a relationship.

My husband became upset after I took on a new lover.

You might think a husband who tells his wife of his desires of seeing her with another man might be completely free of jealously, but this is not at all the case. Many men, after the initial high wears off only then realize the magnitude of what it means to share his wife with other men. Some husbands regret ever asking her to take on a lover and hold it against her, an act that is both a sign of immaturity and of him not contemplating the matter thoroughly. The husband needs to understand the full implications of his wife having sex with other men before he commits himself, his wife or his marriage.

I don’t want to do this but my husband keeps pushing it on me.

A good many husbands will only know the hotwife lifestyle through fantasy. For many wives, it will take years before they fully become comfortable with the idea of taking on a lover, while others never find this comfort. If a husband sits his wife down and explains his desires and the reasoning for them and she refuses, any further prodding on his part may strain their marriage.

I feel myself falling for my new lover.

 

Sex is a natural expression of love, and most women prefer feeling some level of affection when having sex. While the husband can’t not expect his wife to feel no love or affection towards her lover, the instance of a hotwife falling in love with her lover and leaving her husband is not unheard of. Self-discipline by the wife is key to avoiding this. She needs to recognize her feelings and act in whatever manner she things best for herself, bearing in mind that her hotwife activities are joint adventure shared between herself, her lover and her husband.

“A woman has to live her life, or live to repent not having lived it.”

- D.H. Lawrence

Conclusion

The preceding pages briefly touched upon a very complex aspect of human sexuality, a few pages of which you may have identified with. It was seen that throughout history women have successfully managed to enjoy multiple lovers and by their doing so validates the theory that this is indeed a normal part of human behavior. Modern examples show us that acknowledging and acting on one’s basic desires (with due consideration given to the magnitude of such actions) brings people pleasure every day. The scientific reasoning for this behavior also accounts for this behavior.

It is hoped that, having now been acclimatized to the hotwife environment you are better prepared to incorporate or reject it as you think best for your situation. For those who feel this lifestyle is not for them it is hoped that they will not scorn too harshly those who enjoy it. It is also hoped that before one makes such a decision it must be remembered that the majority of couples who practice the hotwife relationship do so only after long periods (sometimes years) of contemplation. If you choose to embrace what is in fact a highly exciting way of life, the months and years of inquiry that went into this book were not in waste.

References and Works Cited

 

Caesar, J. (50-40 BC). Commentarii de Bello Gallico (Commentaries on the Gallic War).

Horsfall, C. (1985). Epitaph of Allia Potestas: A Commentary.

Housman, A. E. (1937). Selected Prose. Cambridge: Cambridge UP.

Rogers, L. (Sunday Times by Lois Rogers, January 23rd 2000). A Matter of Opinion Child Support Analysis. The Sunday Times, UK, 1.