Bedroom Etiquettes

Al-Ihya Foundation

Bedroom Etiquettes Subtitle? Allāh Almighty says:

َّ ٌ َّ َّ َّ َّ َّ ۡ ۡ َّ َّ َّ َّ َّ ۡ َّ ۡ َّ َّ ۡ َّ ۡ َّ ۡ ۡ ۡ َّ َّ ّٰ َّ َّ َّ َّ ٌ َّ ۡ ۡ َّ َّ ۡ ‫ؕ علِم اللہ انکم کنتم تختانون انفسکم فتاب علیکم و عفا‬ ‫اس لکم و انتم لِباس لہن‬ ‫ہن لِب‬ ّٰ َّ َّ َّ ّٰ ۡ َّ ‫َّع ۡنک ۡم‬ ‫اشر ۡوہن َّو ابۡ َّتغ ۡوا َّما ک َّت َّب اللہ لَّک ۡم‬ ِ َّ ‫ؕ فالـن ب‬

“They are coverings for you and you are coverings for them; Allāh knows that you were deceiving yourselves (in this respect), so He accepted your penance and forgave you; so cohabit with them and seek what Allāh has destined for you” (2:187) The Prophet of Allāh (şallAllāhu álayhi wa sallam) has said: “Having intercourse (with one‟s wife) is an act of charity.” They said, “O Messenger of Allāh (şallAllāhu álayhi wa sallam), if one of us does so to fulfil his desires, is there reward in that?” He (şallAllāhu álayhi wa sallam), said, “Do you not see that if he does it in a Ĥarām way he will have the burden of sin? So if he does it in a Ĥalāl way, he will have a reward for that.”(Narrated by Muslim, 1674) 

Before one intends to have intercourse with his wife, the husband should ensure that his wife is not in the state of menstruation. It is therefore necessary for him to ask her and it is also the duty of the wife to inform her husband of her state. It is Ĥarām to have intercourse while the wife is menstruating. Allāh Almighty says:

َّ ۡ َّ ً َّ َّ ۡ ۡ ّٰ َّ َّ َّ ۡ َّ َّ َّ َّ ۡ َّ ۡ َّ َّ َّ ‫الن َّس‬ ۡ ‫ٓاء فی ال ۡ َّم ِح‬ ۡ ‫ک َّعن ال ۡ َّم ِح‬ ‫ض ۙ َّو لا تق َّرب ۡوہن َّحتی یَّطہ ۡر َّن ف ِاذا‬ ‫ی‬ ‫وا‬ ‫ل‬ ‫ز‬ ‫ت‬ ‫اع‬ ‫ف‬ ۙ ‫ی‬ ‫ذ‬ ‫ا‬ ‫و‬ ‫ہ‬ ‫ل‬ ‫ق‬ ‫ض‬ ‫ی‬ ‫و یسـلون‬ ِ ِ ِ ِ ِ ِ ۡ َّ َّ َّ ّٰ َّ ّٰ ۡ َّ َّ َّ ۡ ‫تَّطہ ۡر َّن فات ۡوہ َّن ِم ۡن َّح ۡیث امَّ َّرکم اللہ اِن الل َّہ ی ِحب الت َّوابِی َّن َّو ی ِحب الم َّتط ِہ ِریۡ َّن‬ “And they ask you the decree concerning menstruation; say (O Beloved), "It is an impurity, so stay away from women at such times, and do not cohabit (have intercourse) with them until they have cleansed themselves; so when they have cleansed themselves, cohabit with them the way Allāh has determined for you"; indeed Allāh loves those who repent profusely, and loves those who keep clean.” (2:222) 

Many women (due to shyness) do not inform their husbands that they are in state of menstruation; this is particularly so if it is on the first night of their marriage. In some instances even after having been informed, the husband is insistent upon intercourse.. This should clearly against the prohibition by Allāh and should therefore never happen.

Al-Ihya Foundation



Husbands should not only be aware of the state of their wives but should also be so in respect to their feelings etc. . Many are only concerned about themselves, and do not consider whether the wife is ready to have an intercourse (for example, she may be ill)

1. “When one of you goes in unto his wife, let him be covered, for if he is not covered, the angels feel shy and depart. Tthen if they have a child, Shayţān will have a share of him.” (alTabarānī in al-Mu'jam al-Awsaţ) 2. “When one of you goes in unto his wife, let him be covered and not naked like donkeys.” (al-Bayhaqī) 3. “When a man holds his wife‟s hand (to delight her) then for him are written 10 rewards. If he places his hand (out of love) on her neck for him are written 10 rewards, and when he cohabits with her then it is better than the world and what is in it. (Ghunya al-Ţālibīn)   

When the husband intends to have intercourse, he should be gentle with his wife. Satisfying one‟s wife is very important and engaging in sexual intercourse quickly and hastily is not the correct manner. Before undressing, the couple should make Wuđū, pray 2 Rak‟āt of prayer (to thank Allāh Almighty) and then husband should recite the following: 1. Bismillāhil „aliyyil Adhīm, Allāhu Akbar, Allāhu Akbar 2. Surah Ikhlās once. 3. When they are ready to go to bed, the groom should put his hand on the bride‟s forehead and pray:

ْ َّ َّ َّ َّ ْ َّ َّ َّ َّ ‫الش ْی َّط‬ َّ ‫الش ْی َّط‬ ‫ان َّما َّرزق َّـت َّنا‬ ‫ َّو َّج ِن ِب‬، ‫ان‬ ‫ب ِ ْس ِم الل ِہ اللهم ج ِنبنا‬ “Bismillāh, Allāhumma Jannibnas al-Shayţān wa Jannib al-Shayţān mā Razaqtanā” According to a Prophetic narration, if a husband was to pray the above prayer before intercourse, and child was conceived, Allāh will protect the child from the devil. (alBukhārī)     

Both should make good intentions (for example, fulfilling the rights of the partner, having pious children etc.) Both should apply perfume/fragrance and smarten their appearances. They should then engage themselves in kind talk and foreplay (cuddling, kissing, undressing each other, caressing the breasts etc) in order to arouse each other. You are also allowed to touch each other‟s private parts and if it is done with a good intention then it will become an act of reward. It is permissible to have intercourse in whatever position is desired, from behind or from the front, on the condition that the intercourse takes place in the vagina;the place

Al-Ihya Foundation

 

                   

from which a child is born. The Prophet of Allāh (şallAllāhu álayhi wa sallam) has said, “From the front or from the back, so long as it is in the vagina.” (al-Bukhārī). It is not permissible (Ĥarām) for the husband under any circumstances whatsoever to have intercourse with his wife in her back passage (anal). According to the Aĥadīth, such a person is cursed. It is Mustaĥab that Ghusl al-Janābat is performed shortly after sexual intercourse; the sooner the better. Also, if one would like to have sexual intercourse more than once in a night, it is better that after each time, Ghusl is performed. However, if this is not feasible, it is recommended that one should do Wuďū before every act. One should avoid having intercourse standing up (like animals) or in a sitting position (which is not healthy for the body) The most appropriate and befitting manner is where the wife is lying on her back and the husband is on top of her. One should not face the Qiblah during intercourse. One should be covered (using a cloth/blanket/sheet).. The spouses are allowed to touch any part of each other‟s body. But one should not look at the privates whilst engaged in intercourse. This causes weakening of the eyesight There is no harm in kissing the breasts; again with a good intention it will become an act of reward. But one should be careful that if milk is released it does not go down the throat. Though drinking wife‟s milk is Ĥarām, it will not affect the marriage. One should not talk during intercourse. It is feared that the child conceived during the act may become dumb or may have speech problems. During the intercourse, the husband and wife should not think of someone else except their spouse. To do so is a grave sin. One should not drink water immediately after intercourse. If after intercourse (before bathing) one is in need of eating, then he or she should at the very least wash the mouth and hands thoroughly and then eat food. Both should take care of the other‟s sexual needs. This is so that they are not attracted to others by their sexual needs not being met. There is no prescribed time for intercourse, though the physicists say the latter part of the night (before Fajr) is the best time. One should not have intercourse on a full or on an empty stomach. One should avoid having intercourse on 14th and 15th of each lunar month or during the time of Adhān. When ejaculation takes place, the husband should seek refuge in Allāh from the devil (in his mind; not verbally). The husband should not move immediately away after ejaculation, because it takes time to fulfil the wife‟s sexual need and desires. Rather the husband should remain engaged in the act. After the intercourse, the spouses should clean their private parts using a separate cloth. The man should also relieve himself by urination so that no semen remains inside his private part. One should not immediately use cold water to bathe, as the body becomes warmer during intercourse. Rather one should relax or lie down for 10 minutes and thereafter bathe. There is no harm for both spouses to have a shower or to bathe together.

Al-Ihya Foundation



 

If the wife is menstruation then it is totally forbidden to have intercourse with her. This is from those sins that has been ruled to be a „major‟ sin. During menstruation it is prohibited for the man to touch his wife anywhere between the navel and the knee except through a barrier like a cloth etc. When the wife is in a state of menstruation the husband can touch and play sexually with his wife as long as he does not touch her between the navel and knees. It is not permissible for a man to have intercourse with his wife until the menstrual bleeding has stopped and she has made Ghusl.

What occurrences make it obligatory to perform Ghusl There are five occurrences that make it obligatory for a person to perform Ghusl, namely: 1. The ejaculation of sperm. 2. To have a wet dream (nocturnal emission). 3. The head of the penis entering the vagina, whether this be in a state of lust or not, resulting in an orgasm or not 4. To become clean from the menstrual pause (period). 5. To become clean from blood after child birth. Three obligatory aspects of Ghusl There are three obligatory aspects in bathing are: 1. To wash the mouth in a manner that every single part of the inside of the mouth from the lips to the throat is cleaned with water. Water must reach the gaps in between teeth, the gums, all the sides of the tongue and the edge of the throat. If one is not fasting then he/she must gargle so that the water clearly reaches all parts. If there is anything stuck in between the teeth, it is absolutely necessary to remove the morsel unless it is impossible to remove it or doing so would cause serious pain. Without doing so invalidates the Ghusl and consequently any Salāh subsequently performed. 2. To wash the nose. This requires water to be sniffed up into both nostrils until the water reaches the hard bone; not even a hair or its equivalent size should remain dry. If the nose is pierced then the water must reach the hole as this is also necessary. It is also necessary to remove any dry mucus to allow water to reach the skin 3. To wash every single part of the body. Requiring water the entirety of the body, including the soles of the feet; ensuring that every hair and every pimple is washed. Even if one strand of hair or its point‟s equivalent remains dry the Ghusl will not count.

May Allāh Almighty enable us to spend our lives in accordance with the teachings of the Holy Qur‟an and the Prophet (şallAllāhu álayhi wa sallam), Āmīn.