Audition Monologues

 

  AUDITION MONOLOGUES

 

The Pelican  Pelican –   –  August  August Strindberg

Dramatic / Contemporary

THE SON

Do you know why I’m so utterly worthless? Because I was never breastbreast fed. All I got was a nursemaid nursemaid with a glass bottle. And when I was a little older, she took me along with her to her sister, who was a  prostitute. And there I got to see all the m most ost secret, most intimate intimate scenes. When I told you about it –   – I was only four years old – when when I told you what I had seen in that house of sin, you said it was a lie, and you struck me for lying, but I was telli telling ng the truth. And then I began to get cold and hungry, like like Father and the rest of us. I never knew until today that you stole the housekeeping h ousekeeping money and the wood money. –  money.  – Look Look at me, pelican. I’m going out for  a  a drink... I tell you my contempt for life, li fe, humanity, society, and myself is so boundless I wouldn’t raise my little finger to go on living.

 

The Grass Harp  Harp –   –  Truman  Truman Capote

Comedic / Contemporary

COLLIN –  COLLIN  –  15  15

Maude Riordan’s not one ounce of a floozy,  floozy,  you hear me? It’s me…you’d be surprised…the thoughts in my head. Only with Maude I try not to have these these thoughts. The night of the Ba Baptist ptist Church dance I made her one of those flower knick-knacks girls wear. Made it myself with sweet peas… and I took her her to a roast beef and mashed-potato dinner at the Philadelphia Philadelphia Café. See, I wanted wanted to be nice and dec decent ent …  but then, after the dance I’m wal walking king her home … and it’s like somebody was running after us, this other me, the one with the thoughts. And I start running too … ‘cause I don’t want him to catch up with me: I  just left Maude standing standing there in the road, and ran like hell. ( Pause  Pause)) You said before about the one person in the world. world. Why can’t I think of her her like that? … Then I couldn’t have just the thoughts tho ughts about her that I have about other girls. Maybe, if I could care for somebody so mebody that way, I’d make plans and carry them out.

 

 Next Fall  –   –  Geoffrey  Geoffrey Nauffts

Serio-Comedic / Contemporary

ADAM –  ADAM  –  45.  45. (Not evident in Monologue)

Luke and I have been together a little over four fo ur years now. And things are great, all things considered. More than great, really. I mean, we have our issues but who doesn’t right?  right?   The praying after sex. (Beat.) (Beat.)  That’s one little quirk I’m still having a hard time with. Is that something you do too? Pray after sex? You don’t have to answer. I’m sorry. It’s just something that’s really  been bugging me lately. lately. I mean it’s it’s not like I see iit. t. It’s not like he’s kneeling beside the bed, flogging himself with a leather switch. I wish, right? No, it’s more like he feels dirty and silently asks for f or forgiveness. And it’s not like it’s all the time either. But still, it’s like, really? That’s what you have to do? I know I’m sort of dumping this all out there. But please, if you have any…pearls…I’d be glad for anything.  anything.  

 

The Cripple of Innishmaan  Innishmaan –   –  Martin  Martin McDonagh

Dramatic / Contemporary

BILLY –  BILLY  –  18  18

I never thought the day would come when I’d have to explain. I’d hoped I’d disappear forever. And I would’ve too if tthey hey wanted me me there. If they’d wanted me for the filming. But they didn’t want me. (Pause) (Pause).. I had to get away from this place, Bobby, by any means, just like me mammy and daddy had to get away from this place. ( Pause.)  Pause.)  I’d often think of going and drowning myself, when I was here, just to … just to end the laughing at me, and the sniping at me, and the life of nothing but shuffling to the doctor’s doctor’s and shuffling back from the doctor’s and  pawing over the same same old books and finding aany ny other way tto o piss another day away. The village orphan. The village cripple and nothing more. Well, there are plenty ‘round here just as crippled as me, only it isn’t on the outside that outside that it shows.  shows. 

 

The Last Days of Judas Iscariot  –   –  Stephen  Stephen Adly Guirgis

Dramatic

SATAN

You know what, Cunningham: all those excuses you got wedged  between that dubious cleavage of yours: yours: your mother, the bulimia, th thee herpes, the booze, the abortions, the rape, the bipolar  pharmaceuticall adventures, the tw  pharmaceutica twin in suicide attem attempts pts and the abjec abjectt failures at every relationship you ever attempted - all those things do nothing to band-aid the simple fact that there comes a time when the world stops rewarding potential - and when that time came for you, you threw yourself the world's biggest pity parry and dedicated the rest of your short, pathetic, inconsequential life to finding fault everywhere fuckin' else but in the return gaze of your own cosmetically altered reflection. Okay? You'll never be loved, Cunningham, Cunn ingham, and that's because you're incapable of giving it –  it –   but but you already knew that about yourself, didn't you? (To  Judge.) You  Judge.)  You can bring in the jury now, Frank. Never let it be said that the Prince of Lies stood in the way of truth.

 

The Importance of Being Earnest  –   –  Oscar  Oscar Wilde

Comedic / Classical

JACK

It pains me very much to have to speak frankly to you, Lady Bracknell about your nephew, but the fact is that I do not approve at all of his moral character. I suspect him of being untruthful. I fear there can be no  possible doubt about the matter. This afte afternoon rnoon during my temporary absence in London on an important question of romance, ro mance, he obtained admission to my house by means of the false pretense of being my  brother. Under an assumed assumed name he drank, I’ve just been informed by my butler, and entire pint bottle of a wine I was specially reserving for myself. Continuing his disgraceful deception, he succeeded in the course of the afternoon in alienating the affections of my only ward. He subsequently stayed to tea, and devoured every single muffin. And what makes his conduct all the more heartless is, that he was perfectly well aware from the first that I have no brother, that I never had a brother, and that I don’t intend inte nd to have a brother, not even of any kind.