Attract And Seduce A 4-Step System For Attracting Beautiful, High-Caliber Women and Becoming The Most Interesting Guy In The Room By Byron Seingalt Foreword by David DeAngelo
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Let's Get Started! If you like what you learn in this book, how about watching, listening and interacting! There are how-to training videos and cheat sheets that help you memorize, step-by-step exercises that go along with each chapter and a community of fellow students.
Visit: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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If your father talked to you about women, it was probably to rehash stories from his glory days, that all began with, “When I was your age…” If your pals talked about dating, it was probably locker room bluster, full of exaggeration and tall tales about their self-described prowess with women. If your female friends consoled you about your social life, it was probably empty platitudes about being yourself and how every woman wants a nice guy while you watched them run off with the bad boy. If men’s magazines, television shows, and advice columns provided tips, it was probably ridiculous oversimplifications about how you just had to be confident. This book is dedicated to all those people who love you and care about you. But who nonetheless led you astray for years. Because everything they told you about dating is wrong.
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Copyright © 2015 by Stylelife and Byron Seingalt ISBN-13: 978-0-692-45499-2 All rights reserved. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. DISCLAIMER: The information in this book is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Neither Stylelife, nor the authors, nor the publishers of this book takes any responsibility for the use or misuse of the information it presents. You assume full responsibility for the consequences of your own actions. It is only to be used in a conscientious, ethical, mutually beneficial way, and only with the fully educated and informed consent of all parties involved.
Endorsements "Teaching you authentic ways to attract a woman, this step by step guide will change the game and help you to master skills every woman wants you to have, even if she doesn’t know it yet. We want to be seduced!" Jaiya, world-renowned sexologist, author of Red Hot Touch, founder of New World Sex Education and creator of Super Hero Sex Mastery (Missjaiya.com). "Thank you for teaching men not how to trick chicks, but how to become real men – how to communicate effectively, and how to share their true value with someone. I’m not using “techniques” anymore; I am sharing the wonderful man I have become, while not making many common mistakes." - Entice, OACS Member "As a woman who coaches men on how to attract women, I'm very selective with what I endorse. I was expecting to hate this book BUT I didn't. It's an exceptionally well-written book on the topics of attraction and seduction." Marni, founder of the WingGirlMethod.com. "I feel like I have life back into me, when it comes to approaching women; I talked to more girls in one night than I had in over a year." Adam "This is only the beginning of my journey to grow into my best self with confidence, courage, and influence. I have nothing to be nervous about and with these tools and skills, I can accomplish so much more in anything I do." - Kieran "You taught the material with the perfect dose of theory & examples. I had a very clear idea of what I had to do in the field. This has
not only contributed to my romantic skills, but is now bringing closure to an essential part of my life & my identity." - Jerry "This is a big step in the process of where I want to get in life, and I know that this has made me a better person." - Jed "I'll keep it pretty simple: I've never had or done anything that has changed my world significantly like this has." - Paul "My sex with women has never been better, my self-confidence is great, and women want me." - Houston "Thank you for opening a whole new reality to me – a reality that I had denied since childhood, but had thus far only been able to chase with nothing more than a vague, hope and what determination I could muster. I can't wait to continue to explore this beautiful reality and the art of seduction which is the key to its door." - Jason "I feel like I can start to see clearly now. I've been in a mist my whole life, thinking everyone else's advice was to blame for my instability to make it anywhere, but you have shown me that the mist was of my creation and I was the one keeping it going. You have also shown me I can clear the mist and forge my own path. Everyone's journey begins with one’s self, and because of you, I've been able to look at myself and see who I'm meant to be. My journey begins now; I can't wait to see where I end up." - William "Getting to know a sensible, fun, ethical, 'keep them comfortable' way to seduction is something all guys ought to learn - you do it better than anyone." - Rick "I want to thank you for giving me a change, for the better, in my life. You're like a wizard from another world. Now that I have this
knowledge, I can use it to be successful with women and get a better life." The European "Thanks for making a huge impact on my life – you've helped me become not only a better person, but a better lover!" - Aaron "I just wanted to thank you so much for sharing your time and wisdom with us. I am 100% committed to not just changing myself, but becoming a phenomenal seducer, and doing everything I can to embody the principles of the art and passing them on in a way that will add value to the world." - Dave M. "Your insights have shifted my perspective on what is possible. This is truly a system for improving your life and maximizing the influence that you can have. I'm more excited about my future than ever before." - Ryan "You have taught me what is possible – things I had never realized. Words can't express the gratitude and warm feeling that I have for you!" David R. "The journey you've taken me on was awesome! I feel as though the ceiling on my potential has been blown open and my limits, which I had put on myself, have been destroyed!" - Jason A. "I liked the lessons where we practiced openers. It allowed me to watch the women I was talking to and notice their reactions for the very first time. I also really liked the identity storytelling. It really made everything come together for me!" - Mark "What I got out of it was that in the end the greatest success comes from being present, open, active listening, and interacting with the present
moment and being genuinely interested in the words you are sharing and the people you are meeting." - Shahin "A simple, comfortable question does make a lot of difference when approaching a group. It's far better than my usual, drunken, 'Hey ladies.' Thanks for all the great tips." - Ricardo "You deconstructed every step to its very core and added all the missing pieces and put them all back together. It has helped me realize what I've been doing wrong, doing right, and given me the self-belief to get tight with my game and become my greatest self." - Dan "I've never had my perspectives broadened, changed, and improved this much before. My mind was blown with every word." - Jeff "You teach a neglected skill set with patience, thought, and practicality. I’d never approached a girl in a bar. Now, I can!" - Edward "My moment was when I set aside everything I came in with, and used your lines. It became too easy to go in and keep talking." - Josh "I feel so much more confident in myself and that I don't need to be afraid of trying to approach. I feel it is in my body, even my walking feels a lot more confident." - Marshall
Acknowledgements I wish to personally thank the following members of the original Attract and Seduce / OACS project for their contributions, suggestions, corrections, ideas and other help in creating this book: Dennis Y., Luis M. C., Steve G., Kenny, Joshua, Richardo, David B., Sandor, Brian, Pedro, Richard K, Xabi, Henri, Anthony, Wes, James, NJ, Tom, Yousef, Josh, Adam, Shane, Tony, Jamal, Will, Greg, Hasan, Luca, Robert, Andrew, John, Brandon, Frankie, Mike, Chris, Linus, Tim, Jason, Carlos, Travis, Victor, Alex, Nova, Samuel S. R., Hdr, Medieval, Brian C., Luther Chance, Joe, Vladimiros D., Scott O. Jr. Also, a shout out to the following individuals who used our Attract & Seduce / OACS conference calls, forums and reddit community to give me feedback, improvements and ideas and without their contributions and support this book would not have be what it is today: HypnoK., VG., Bscha., Doublekb., Rosen., Natur., Sparky., KKav., Eaude., Coolb., Vitv., Miguel, Sanhoj., Kenny., Rkrish., JackS,. Kotg., Mufasa., Tony, Travis, Design, Muhammad, Pheomatar, Jamel., Cadillac, Linus, Alex, Primate, Keith, Jimmy, Cliff, Rick_H., Andrew, Arturo, Imbue. And everyone else I may have forgotten to give thanks and praise to. I love supporting and helping you. You are my big why and it’s a deep and profound pleasure to watch your personal transformation. If your name is missing or misspelled, please send me an email (
[email protected]) and I'll make sure to include it right away. Finally, I'd like to thank Neil Strauss and the entire Stylelife Academy team! Byron Seingalt a.k.a. Evolve P.S. Thank you for making this book a bestseller!
Foreword by David DeAngelo David DeAngelo, founder of the "Double Your Dating" company, acknowledged dating advisor and serial entrepreneur. www.DoubleYourDating.com/AttractAndSeduce
If you know anything about me, David D., you probably know this much... I’ve spent a lot of time thinking, learning, and teaching what it takes to become insanely successful with women, dating, and relationships. When I look back at that trip… a journey that involved going from lonely and dateless, to meeting and dating tons of mind-blowing women, to the life-changing relationship of my dreams with an amazing Total-10 woman… know what I came to value most? It was the priceless opportunities that presented themselves along the way to: 1. Learn what I didn’t know from smart, tuned-in people who genuinely shared my same goals and dreams. 2. Teach other men what I learned so that they didn’t waste precious time out of their lives suffering through the same frustrations, setbacks, and failures that I did for so long. This in mind… today I couldn’t be more excited about this opportunity to introduce Byron’s groundbreaking “Attract And Seduce” book… it truly fits the bill perfectly when it comes to “all of the above.” From the moment that I began reading, I immediately recognized Byron as a kindred spirit and an exceptionally gifted teacher with invaluable ideas that’s how I know for a fact that this book will help light the path and speed the journey toward your success with women as well. From Byron’s bedrock-solid observations about how a man’s inner beliefs, attitudes and mindsets make or break him with women… to a different game plan for grabbing any woman’s attention… to laser-focused, step-by-step techniques for communicating with women in all the right ways to literally attract and seduce them… it’s all here. Which brings me to a personal note that you can file under “near-anddear to my heart”: I’d like to make special a shout-out to the concepts and instructions Byron weaves throughout these pages on becoming the kind of confident, fascinating, genuine man that high-quality women instantly respond to.
As I learned how to become successful with women and in life from the “Masters” (also known as the guys who get natural, effortless results) it didn’t take long for me to discover that creating this confident mindset is what it’s really all about... the absolute Holy Grail when it came to turning the ship and beginning to succeed with women. In fact, I pretty much categorize my life into two eras - B.C. (before confidence) and A.C. (you guessed it.) In “Attract And Seduce,” Byron approaches this critical “core” subject in innovative, interactive ways that aren’t just about getting results… they’re about changing your entire life through the tools you need to feel confident and attractive around women at last. To me, that’s the whole ball-game... and a very big deal... because, harsh reality is, failing to learn these skills is often the biggest tragedy we’ll endure in life as men. If we continue to lack the ability to feel confident within ourselves and then communicate that confidence to women… if we don’t learn how to spark interest and attraction… if we have no clue how to make women want to be with us… it seeps into and sabotages almost everything else in our lives as well. It casts a long shadow over everything we do. It makes us trudge through life feeling like there’s a weight on our shoulders, or like something’s missing, or that there’s something we’re “hiding.” Our failure with women basically interferes with all of our hopes and dreams and everything we want for the future. Not good. That’s why, today, I couldn’t be more glad that you’ve added “Attract And Seduce” to your personal set of tools for getting this part of your life handled. Byron hits it out of the park in these pages, and I know for a fact that you’ll get a lot out of this. So what are you waiting for? Start reading…
Table of Contents Lesson #1: Read Me First - The Call to Action Chapter 2: Attract & Seduce: The Most Powerful Method of Seduction in the World Chapter 3: The Attract and Seduce 4-Step System Chapter 4: Seductive Psychology, Mindset, and Inner Game Chapter 5: Top 12 Reasons Everyone Should Study Attraction and Seduction Chapter 6: How to Apply the Attract and Seduce 4-Step System Chapter 7: Step #1: The Secret of the Opening Line Chapter 8: The Bridging Technique: Keep Talking! Chapter 9: Step #2: The Three Keys to Build Attraction Chapter 10: Key 1: Never Run Out of Things to Say Chapter 11: Key 2: Be Fascinating and Stay Authentic: The "Identity Storytelling" Technique Chapter 12: Key 3: The Power of Active Disinterest, Banter and Flirting Chapter 13: Step #3: The Most Powerful Way to Connect With a Woman Chapter 14: Step #4: How to Get Her Number, Set Up a Date and Beyond Chapter 15: Texting and Phone Calls before the First Date Chapter 16: How To Tell If A Woman Likes You Chapter 17: Passive Value Generators That Amplify Your Attractiveness Chapter 18: Dating With Care and Empathy Chapter 19: The First Kiss and the "Romantic Window" Technique Chapter 20: Comfort, Intimacy And The "Love Roadmap" Chapter 21: Tips For Dating Apps And Dating Websites Chapter 22: Advanced Text Game And Avoiding Flaking Chapter 23: Creating a Seductive Atmosphere Chapter 24: Adventure Dating Chapter 25: How Attract And Seduce Can Change Your Life Chapter 26: Happily Ever After Chapter 27: From Awkward Nerd To Confident Dating Coach: An Inspirational Interview Chapter 28: How I Got My Girlfriend: A Powerful Success Story Chapter 29: Underlying Principles: A Conversation About How to Never Use Another Line Again and Still Succeed
Lesson #1: Read Me First - The Call to Action I wanted to make a different book – an interactive book in which I give you how-to videos, audios and downloadable cheat sheets for each chapter that will quickly make hundreds of light bulbs go on in your head and expedite your romantic potential. By engaging all your senses and showing you how it’s done, you'll be able to learn how to attract and seduce beautiful, high-caliber women faster than with any other book. We’ll give to the tools to learn while you’re on your smartphone, iPad, Kindle, in your car, when you work out - anytime, anywhere on any device. In my opinion, if you practice the material in this book you should be able to accomplish these five goals: 1. Become a more confident person and present yourself in a way that women find intriguing and interesting. 2. Approach and meet new women in social settings, through dating apps and online. And you’ll do it efficiently and effectively. 3. Attract women using your authentic personality and identity. 4. Understand "the chemistry of love;" what sparks attraction, and what causes people to stay together and begin healthy relationships. 5. Avoid “the friend-zone” by understanding the root of romantic relationships; the principles that allow a woman to see you as a potential lover, boyfriend or husband. To get started and see how this works, grab your mobile phone and text your email address right now to (310) 589-3568 or visit http://www.stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train (clickable link) or scan the QR Code on the next page.
Not only will you get to instantly watch the how-to training videos, I'll also reward you with a digital copy of this book that you can read anytime, anywhere and on any device. Why is this important? Why should you care? Because with this interactive book, you're not only going to learn how to attract and seduce beautiful women, you'll also learn how to become the most interesting and confident guy in the room. If this doesn't sound compelling, I’ll give you even more reasons to try this out in every chapter with special bonus training videos, audios and cheat sheets that I think will get your attention, engage and entertain you. Let’s begin! Byron Seingalt a.k.a. Evolve Los Angeles, California Stylelife Academy
Chapter 2: Attract & Seduce: The Most Powerful Method of Seduction in the World "The secret of getting ahead is getting started." - Mark Twain Welcome to the beginning of the life that’s waiting for you. I have something I want to share with you. It's a powerful way to improve your relationships, attract more lovers, and improve your overall communication with everyone you meet. Once you learn it, you'll have the skills to attract high-caliber women and gain power, love, and friendship with anyone. I'll introduce you to guys who've mastered the art of attraction and seduction, so you can hear and learn from their stories. I can prove to you that it works whether you're meeting women online, on dating apps, in a bar or in a coffee shop, from London to Los Angeles to Hong Kong. It will work everywhere in the world, with any type of woman you could possibly meet. The system is ancient; it's been around since the dawn of civilization. For better or worse, it's changed the course of history. It works for men and women, gay or straight. It works in politics, business, and romance. It has changed the world, and it can change your life. So, what is it? What is this powerful system that can bring you love, power, and respect?
It's the carefully guarded and practically timeless art of attraction and seduction. More specifically, it's a system for understanding and mastering how attraction and seduction works. You may be thinking that the power to attract and seduce is something some lucky guys are born with. I thought that too. Luckily, we were both wrong. Attraction and seduction is a skill that can absolutely be learned, and it can absolutely be taught. I know because I've done both. I've had some great teachers who taught it to me, and I, in turn, have taught it to countless students. It's a system used by freshman college students, A-list celebrities, and everyone in-between. I've taught them all, and seen them use it – in person. And if you pay attention and keep reading, I promise you that what you will learn can change your life for the better. So let’s talk about you. If you're reading this, you've probably had at least one lover, girlfriend, or wife in the past. Or maybe you're a virgin, and you crave the experiences everyone else seems to have. In any case, you probably want more out of your romantic life – whether it’s to have some wild nights, to find someone special, or simply to master the ability to walk up to and have a great interaction with anyone you want. Good news! You're about to learn a new model for attraction and seduction. Something no one has taught you before. In short, it's a fourstep system that focuses on a very linear process of transforming from stranger to soul mate.
In this chapter, you're going to learn what those four steps are. As we proceed, I'll go more in depth on how to recognize where you are in the system and what to do. Now, this is more than just a book. It’s an interactive experience. I want to make sure that you understand all the tips, tricks and concepts perfectly. Which is why I have prepared videos that show you how you do it, as well as cheat sheets that summarize important information and the most up-to-date material. All this complimentary training material comes along with this book. You'll find the instructions to access it at the end of each chapter. I've made sure that you have access to all the tools you'll need to learn the model I'm presenting. The links will connect you with video, audio, and texts that are bursting with tips and strategies for learning seduction. This may all sound like too much. But it’s just enough. I love teaching attraction and seduction. I love seeing my students’ faces when a light bulb goes on in their heads because they just saw something they’d been doing wrong their whole lives and are now going to fix it forever. Or they suddenly understand why this is an art, and that they can finally master it. I love getting calls and emails from guys telling me that they've had some crazy adventure with someone they previously felt was out of their league. I love hearing about how this helped to strengthen a relationship, or fixed a problem at work. I love it when a student falls in love and the love is reciprocated. I just plain love this art form. It means the world to me, and that's why I'm so excited to share it with you. So, this book is not just another book about dating, flirting and meeting women.
It answers the questions that men have had about what women want since the dawn of civilization. It contains simple and proven techniques that allow you to hack into a woman's mind and attract her with a power that you've always had, but never realized. Whether you are looking for a girlfriend, or want to get out of the "friend zone"; whether you want to get your ex back, or discover the secrets behind one-night-stands, this "dating book for smart guys with a dry spell" is a guide to mastering the art of attraction and seduction. From the first moment you meet a woman's eyes, to starting a conversation with her, to getting to know each other, to exciting nights in the bedroom, to exotic adventures with the woman you love, I'll teach you all things romantic, and it all works. Remember, when it comes to attraction and seduction, it’s the small steps and simple changes that produce huge results. You will learn how to gain unstoppable confidence with the "Heroic Mind Shaping Exercise" that helps overcome any anxiety with women and also helps in other parts of your life. I'll also teach you how to easily spot and reverse your anti-seductive and unattractive qualities and turn them into "attraction magnets". With this 4-step system, you'll learn how to approach and talk to women in an authentic way while building attraction through your seductive identity – and without changing who you are as a person. I'll show you how to use dating apps and websites to contact and attract women without being ignored or rejected. You'll also learn how to become the most interesting guy in the room and never run out of things to say when you’re in conversation with even the highest caliber women. Later, we'll dive deep into my bulletproof technique to get a date with a woman without worrying about her flaking. You'll learn
everything from the "First Kiss Technique” to sweep a woman off her feet, to making her swoon and wanting to take it to the next intimate level. Then you'll learn how to navigate the “Love Roadmap” from kissing to complete arousal. Now, let me tell a bit about how I know all this, my own journey and why you should learn from me. I'm a natural introvert. In high school, when you think of a guy who's good with people you wouldn't have thought of me. I was a goth kid. I had rows to spikes up both arms, red contact lenses, and a wardrobe that was all black. My social circle consisted of five guys who all played Dungeons & Dragons together. One of us had a girlfriend, so we thought of him as "the player". To make things worse, I was super skinny, and had asthma so bad that some nights I had to use a machine to pump medicine into my lungs. Obviously, I was in no shape to be hitting on women or making powerful connections. My first year of college I met a guy who showed me what it meant to be a seducer, and over the next few years, my life changed – I got a girlfriend, I had exciting romantic adventures, I had a social circle that started growing and growing. I spent a lot of time writing about my changes. Eventually, the writing ended up in the hands of New York Times best-selling author Neil Strauss. He called me up and hired me to teach men (and women) to master the game at the one and only Stylelife Academy. I've been working there now for ten years. I've traveled the world teaching countless students the art of attraction and seduction – an art that I love.
One of my favorite success stories is from a 45-year-old lawyer who'd had a crush on a woman for months. He studied the system in this book and within a few weeks, they were in a relationship. Another comes from a 22-year-old college student who'd nearly finished college without a single sexual partner: within a year his life had changed – he'd had several casual sexual partners, and even a threesome. One student used the "Identity Storytelling" exercise to make his company several million dollars, by telling just one story. Think about it: Are you capable of becoming the kind of person strangers would love to get to know? Are you capable of achieving the romantic success you've always wished for? Are you capable of harnessing the power to sway the minds of people you meet? Of course you are. All you need to know are the four steps that streamline the seductive process. But, before we get to the four steps, I want to give you fair warning... After years of teaching, I've found that there are three devastating reasons guys who study this system fail. The first mistake is something we call "The Give-up Guy". He's the one who quits before he even begins; the one who decides there's no way it will work. Here's the deal: give this system and the material a chance. I promise you'll see results. If it doesn't work – fine. Email me at
[email protected] and I'll give you the full price back for this book. Just make sure to try it first. The second mistake is the "Looks, Power, and Fame Assumption". The idea that you must have looks, money, and/or some sort of fame or power to be attractive and intriguing to people. It's not true. It helps (I'll get into how to use these traits if you have them later), but they're not necessary.
When I started learning this, I didn't own a car, I didn't have a job, and I had no social circle or network to speak of. It's all about following the system – a tested, proven, and simple system. It's all about learning what to do, and – more importantly – when to do it. The best part about this whole system is: once you begin to see results, it gets easier and easier. The third mistake is "The Self-Defeater". You have to get out of your own way. If you don't, you'll be stuck where you are forever. You have to push yourself. Find motivation to move forward, take risks, and make changes. Self-sabotaging behaviors are commonplace and disastrous. Your mind wants you to follow the path of least resistance, because it takes a lot of energy to do something new, and your mind wants to use as little energy as possible. Self-motivated people are capable of making it over that mental hump. They've trained themselves to do it. Here's a technique to prevent you from becoming The Self-Defeater. Every time you tell yourself, "I don't feel like trying this," get a piece of paper and write down the reasons why. Then write a list of the things that won't change if you don't try. Finally, write down a day and time you're going to give whatever you're going to try a shot. Set an alarm on your phone for that day. When the alarm goes off, go try out the techniques we teach you here. If you can just avoid these three pitfalls, you're going to do great! ________________________
Free Book Updates and Video Training This book is INTERACTIVE! To watch free how-to training videos, access more resources, updates and upgrades to this book when new versions or editions are released, visit: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train
or text your email address to (310) 589-3568 or scan this fancy QR code:
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Chapter 3: The Attract and Seduce 4-Step System "You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else. " - Albert Einstein
So, here it is: The Four Step System of Attraction and Seduction. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you’re looking for – this system will work. I’ve had students who’ve participated in wild sexual adventures, others who’ve made millions, and a few who’ve found the woman of their dreams and settled down. All using the same set of principles. It’s a system that will take you from starting a conversation to closing the deal. The principles that govern this system are universal, which means you can apply them to all kinds of seductions. Whether you’re meeting a woman in a bar or on an online date, the system will work. You just need to get a grip on the principles – they are universal, and won’t change. It’s the techniques that will differ from situation to situation. Anyone learning this art should experiment with different types of venues and platforms for dating. The more experimentation you do and the more feedback you get, the better you’ll get. That said, let’s get started. Prepare Yourself Seduction is a journey of self-discovery. To share yourself, you have to know yourself. Most people underestimate their potential; they decide not to take risks, or put time into something that could really change their
lives, because they fear the insecurities they’ll have to face on the journey. Some guys are scared of success: what if this all works out and they end up with someone who’s out of their league? To prepare yourself, sit down and reflect on what you’re true motivations are for reading this book, what you are looking for, and what exactly you hope to get out of it. The best place to start is by looking at what you’re missing. Simply think about or write the answers to the following questions down.
Why are you learning the art of attraction and seduction?
Are you looking for love? Sex? Companionship?
How do you think learning this will help you achieve that goal?
When you achieve this particular goal, how will things be different?
How will people look at you?
How will you view yourself?
Are you prepared to put in the time to practice this art?
Are you prepared to make approaches and face rejection?
How will you deal with rejection when it comes?
What will you do to pull yourself back up when the going gets tough?
What kind of women are you trying to attract into your life?
What kind of relationships are you looking for?
Start here, and answer any other questions that may come up while you’re sifting through your own mind. Once you have some answers you can move on and start learning the system. Do not skip this exercise, because it is crucial that you understand who you are and what you want before you start. Keep that kind of focus as you continue to move forward learning the art of seduction.
If you want to learn to talk to people, then you’ll have to develop the best, most seductive identity you can. We’re going to go over that in detail later, in the chapter on generating value with your life story. Step #1: Open This is the beginning. The place where you spark a conversation with a woman or a group. Keep in mind that most women don't wander around by themselves to be approached by you. So, the majority of your approaches will be groups. This is also the step where most guys quit. I’m going to teach you the principle behind what to do when you approach, and then provide a few techniques that you can use to start conversations. My goal for you is pretty simple:
Learn to start a comfortable conversation with total strangers.
Learn what makes people uncomfortable when they’re approached.
Learn how to alleviate the fear of the approach. (Something we call "Approach Anxiety".)
If you feel like it’s too much, don’t worry – we’re going to break it down, and there’s plenty of supporting videos you can watch by following the instruction at the end of this chapter. After practicing this material, you’ll have the confidence and the skills to start conversations with almost anyone – most importantly, the kind of women you've always wanted to talk to. I’ve had students who’ve never cold approached anyone before. After a few weeks of practicing the techniques I suggest in this chapter they were able to go to a bar, point out someone they wanted to talk to and, at least, make a conversation happen, if not more. Step #2: Attract
When you’re in conversation, your goal is to build social value. Social value is relative, and is based on how interesting you are to the person or people you’re talking to. What we’re going to work on in this step is how you convey high social value in an authentic way. The goal is to make yourself interesting to the specific group of people you are speaking with. Here’s the goal for the Attract section:
Learn to use your knowledge and showcase-able skills to build value.
Learn to tell stories that focus on preferences and experiences to convey your identity.
Learn how to use active disinterest to create emotional spikes in your seductions.
There are many ways to be interesting and authentic. Just about anything you do or say can be a tool for building value; it’s all about understanding how value is built and conveyed. This is really the meat of the system: building social value. This is one of the sections you’re going to spend the most time refining. There are quite a few pieces to it, but once you’ve practiced it, your social life will shoot into the stratosphere. Once you learn how to build value, you’ll get more dates, have more sex, meet who you want, and more. Step #3: Connect To romantically connect with a woman, you must tell her that you’re interested. At its core, this chapter is about timing. In attraction and seduction there is a specific time when you must tell her that you are interested. Most guys have terrible timing, and little understanding of how to compliment someone effectively. In this chapter you’ll learn:
How to give a great compliment.
How to get the most impact out of a compliment.
The timing for a seductive compliment.
When not to compliment someone.
Here is the problem with indicating your interest too early: Wanting to tell a woman that you’re interested in her feels very straightforward and honest. How many guys try to pick up women by simply telling them they have beautiful eyes? Too many. Why do they do it? Because, it feels good to compliment her. Unfortunately, if a person receives the same compliment too much, it fades into the background, becoming a pattern that’s no longer paid attention to. Most attractive women have heard the same compliments thousands of times. So if you are the next guy that tells her that she has beautiful eyes, guess what she thinks? Yeah, another one of those... next. By understanding the proper timing of a compliment within seduction, you’ll learn how to break that pattern, and give compliments that are truly felt and authentic. The timing is key here. Pay attention to that. When you compliment someone it’s always a good thing, but if you learn to compliment someone with proper timing you can really make an impression, and change the dynamics of an interaction. Step #4: Seduce This is the chapter where you'll learn about going for the kiss or further. Where you learn how to set up the meeting or date. Where you learn how to move a person or group of people from one location to another. There’s one technique I’m going to teach you that will help you accomplish all of these goals and it’s called "seeding". In this chapter you’ll learn:
How to properly seed a date or meeting.
How to "bounce" someone from one location to another.
How to set up an intimate moment, and what to do if you misjudge the moment.
And that’s it – those four steps will take you from approaching to a second meet up. Following all this material is everything you’re going to need to know once you’ve learned these four basic steps. The goal is to make you the total package – a person that other people envy, and want to get to know. At the end of the book you’ll find interviews with guys who I’ve taught personally, and you can read about their experiences: How they got to where they are. You’ll hear from one guy who maintains a healthy relationship with the girl he loves, while bringing new women into his sex life in a healthy and honest way. How they practiced this material. You’ll hear from a former student, who’s now a coach. He went out every day, practiced, improved, and even did stand-up comedy in an effort to learn this skill. The hurdles they had to jump to achieve success. Learn how one student went from having crippling approach anxiety to becoming a man who can approach anyone. What kind of success they’ve all had, and how you can achieve your goals. Each student I’ve interviewed experienced more sex, a better professional life, and a steady girlfriend. Different goals – each one achieved. It’s time to become the social superhero you’ve always wanted to be. It’s time for you to have choice when it comes to friends and lovers. It’s time to meet the people you’ve always wanted to meet. To have someone you’d only met moments ago say, “You’re the most interesting person I’ve ever met.”
Welcome to having choice. Welcome to your new and improved social life. Welcome to Attract and Seduce! ________________________ Cool How-To Training Videos! Watch Neil Strauss on video explaining the principles of attraction and the different levels of Game: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 4: Seductive Psychology, Mindset, and Inner Game "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt Seduction isn’t about you. It’s about the person you’re seducing. Great seducers can put themselves in the shoes of the people they want to seduce. They can look at themselves from other people’s perspectives, and make strategic judgments about what to do next in a social situation. That's how Cleopatra was able to seduce Julius Caesar and Mark Antony. One of the most important skills you’re going to want to get familiar with is to understand what other people think of you. The Persona Exercise This is all about seeing the way other people view you. To do this you’re going to want to take notes and collect data. You can do this with anyone you already know. Ask them this one simple question: "If you had to describe me to someone who had never met me what would you say about me?" Then ask, "What have I done or said that makes you describe me this way?"
Ask as many people as you can these two questions, and try to find out where the commonalities are. If everyone says you’re a nice guy, then you’re probably a nice guy. If everyone says you’re selfish, then you’re selfish. That's pretty simple, but necessary for the next step. Now that you have this information what can you do with it? Well, the first thing you can do is ask yourself: Is this how I want to come off when I get to know people? If you’re satisfied with the answer, great! If you’re not, then you have to look deeper, and decide if you want to change these qualities, and how you’re going to change these qualities. Later on when we get into being interesting and generating value with your life story we can start to mold your identity into a more seductive version of itself. Each of us are going to have different traits that we want to change; it’s important early on to know what people think of you, so you can work on developing a more seductive identity over time that is authentic and powerful. Introduction to Story and Routine Stacks I grew up a huge fan of Kung-Fu movies. When I was a kid I used to watch the characters do their forms and katas on screen and practice in my living room. I thought martial arts were the clear path to superpowers. I had no idea what the purpose of those katas or forms were. I just thought they were awesome looking – I still do. Years later, when I started studying martial arts, in a school rather than my living room, I found out what their purpose was. In most traditional martial arts schools, katas or forms are collections of choreographed techniques or movements. Each form or kata expresses a number of principles through the techniques inherent in the form. They may include footwork, specific punches or kicks, break-falls, a few even
include meditative pieces. Generally, the forms aren’t meant for combat. They’re meant to be practiced repeatedly, until you understand the principles on an internal level. They’re one piece of the martial arts puzzle, but by no means everything. Routine stacks are seduction’s version of katas or forms, with a few slight differences. A routine stack is a collection of material that’s meant to help you understand the principles of seduction. They consist of one or more techniques for each phase of the seduction. If you’re using a routine stack to practice, then it’s important that:
You practice saying the material out loud, over and over again before you use it. You want to make sure you know what you’re saying. This way, if the people you’re going to be talking to become confused, you can reiterate what you’re saying more clearly.
You should memorize the material in order. There is a structure to seduction. Know where your routines fit into the stack and memorize that order.
You recognize that routine stacks are not your entire seduction, they’re collections of techniques to practice. They can be used to fall back on, but routine stacks can’t be counted on to solve every problem.
They’re great tools for learning seduction, because they can give you something to fall back on. If you don’t know where you are in the seduction, or you can’t think of something to say a routine stack can be a lifesaver, assuming you memorized the material.
When you know where you’re seductions going, it makes the chaos of your initial interactions more clear, which can come off as confidence,
as long as you’re not pushy about the material. Now, let me show you the structure of a routine stack. In order to build one, the first thing you must know is the phases of interaction. For us, the phases are: Open, Attract, Connect, Seduce. You should make sure you have routines for all of the following:
At least one opener, no more than two.
Demonstrations of Higher Value, Games, Bar bets, etc.
Identity Stories
A technique for showing Active Disinterest.
A technique for showing Active Interest.
Seed for a date
Seed for a bounce
You will learn how to build your very own stack later in this book. Once you have chosen your stories and routines, they should all be well memorized and practiced for delivery, body language, tonality, and volume dynamics. And remember one of Murphy’s Laws of combat: no plan survives first contact with the enemy. Meaning, it’s a routine stack is a stratagem, but it’s not the whole seduction. In the field things will change. Be prepared maneuver when curveballs are thrown at you. Conquering Approach Anxiety Approach anxiety is the negative voice in your head telling you not to approach – it keeps you from walking towards a woman. The result is excuse after excuse for not trying. Why is Approaching Women so Hard? Let’s start off with the first part: Why do you have such a hard time approaching women? As with most topics related to seduction, there are
as many different answers as there are men in the Game. However, some of the broader reasons that approaching women can be difficult include:
Personal Experience: We’ve all had experiences approaching women where we felt hurt and humiliated. Unfortunately, our brains are hard wired to remember these more than the times where things went swimmingly well. These past experiences hold you back from approaching in the future.
Lack of Experience: Conversely, there’s the lack of experience. You don’t approach women much, so you think it’s a huge deal and that it will inevitably end in disaster. You’ve built things up in your head so much that the fantasy of what might go wrong is preventing you from getting the experience you need to make things go right.
Lack of Story and Routine Stack: You don’t feel like you have anything good to say, because you haven’t done the homework on your stack. This is one of the easiest things to fix, as it’s just about putting the time in on what you’re going to say. Remember that a lot of Game takes place before you even head out for the night.
Pedestalization: You see a woman who you are overwhelmingly attracted to and you think you can’t approach her because she’s "out of your league". Apparently you haven’t seen Style standing next to his wife. A big part of what we teach you in Stylelife Academy boils down to this: Looks might matter, but not as much as you think they do, and anyway, you can overcome your "attraction deficit."
When it comes right down to it, there’s only one answer to approach anxiety: It’s approaching women over and over again, honing your approach so that it becomes better over time. This will not only build a bank of positive experiences, it will also help alleviate approach anxiety.
Now that we know what underpins your anxiety, let’s talk about a few common problems men encounter when approaching women. What You’re Doing Wrong When You Approach Women So what are you doing wrong? That’s what you want to know, right? What can you be doing better so that you can build the types of positive experiences that are going to make approaching women that much easier with every approach?
You’re Too Serious: Coming up to a woman and being very serious at first is a recipe for disaster. It makes things awkward and tense. Instead, opt for a lighter approach; one that will have her laughing, smiling and wondering who you are and what you’re about.
You Can’t Handle a Challenge: A lot of guys blow it the second their stack goes off course. She throws a curveball your way and you lose it; That’s not an attractive reaction. Instead of bailing at the first sign of trouble, learn how to weather the storm.
You’re Too Needy: On the other hand, you might be trying too hard to impress her, either by being entertaining or by trying to demonstrate higher value in incorrect ways or with bad timing. This comes across as needy, and neediness is kryptonite when it comes to seduction.
You’re Paying for her Time: It’s fine to buy someone a drink or dinner, just make sure you’re not purchasing their time. If that person is sticking around for free stuff, then you’re paying for their time. If they’re sticking around because they’re enjoying their time with you, and you want to buy them something for being awesome – go for it. Also, don’t be a cheapskate, it’s just as bad as paying for someone’s time.
You’re Not Going Out Enough: Guess what, guys? Going out once a month isn’t going to cut it. Sure, you’ve got a life to lead. But try and head out at least a couple of times a week and practice what you’re learning. I’d argue that having more than a week between the last approach of one night and the first of the next is going to be a huge setback in terms of your comfort level.
You Make Excuses to Not Approach: There’s always going to be a reason to not approach. However, the more you do it, the better you’re going to get at it. Any time you hear that little voice inside your head telling you why you shouldn’t approach, tell it to shut up and approach immediately.
Having approach anxiety isn't the difference between a regular man and a confident man. The real difference is that confident men experience this anxiety and push past it. Here is a thought experiment: Would this fear still exist if you were 100% sure when you approached that the woman would be friendly, want to talk to you, or even be interested in you? In other words, if there were no risk, you'd approach her, wouldn't you? Ask yourself: What's the lasting result of being rejected or embarrassed? Mostly, just a bad memory; a reminder that you need more practice. The biggest mistake is being 'too shy to try'. As Wayne Greztky said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Your potential gain is significant! The best case is she likes you, you get her number and you go on a date. No matter what, you learn something from talking to her. You apply that knowledge next time. You
get better. The risk versus reward for approaching a woman is in your favor. Before you approach, you'll feel your anxiety, but... this time say to yourself, "It's no big deal. I can handle this." Feel your fear. Recognize it. Put it to the side in your mind and go! You've nothing to lose and everything to gain. One very common question that my students ask me is, "When did your approach anxiety go away?" The true answer is, it never does. It often lessens over time, but it will always be there to a degree. Approach anxiety is totally normal. The good news is even the shyest guys can alleviate their approach anxiety when they really try. You can too. Everyone can. So, when you're out there practicing, here are some techniques you can use to make sure the anxiety doesn't stop you from opening: Technique 1: "It's like ripping off a Band-Aid." If you think about approach anxiety too much and try pulling it off slowly, you’ll end up making it worse than it has to be. You just have to rip it off; meaning you just have to make the approach. Note that the first set of the day is always the hardest, just try to power through it. Once you’ve made the first approach, the rest will be easier. You're stronger than you think. Remember, the only reason you’re anxious is because you want to talk to those people and you’re worried about what they’ll think of you. Take a risk, and see what happens. Technique 2: "Micro-stepping"
If powering through doesn't work, then try slowing down and breaking the approach into small pieces. The micro-stepping technique is a little harder, but it never fails if you stay honest, and focus. When your anxiety gets so high that it's paralyzing you, it means that you've given your mind and body too difficult a challenge. Try breaking the task down into smaller pieces. For example, "I'm going to talk to that really attractive woman," may be way too much for you. So break the approach down into a few very small, very not scary steps. Start like this: "I’m going to walk in her direction." Now that may sound ridiculous, like it barely relates to talking to the woman, but that’s the point. You’re using small steps that don’t induce anxiety to help you build momentum. Once you’re moving in her direction, set another goal for yourself, "Once I’m standing near her, I’m going to say, ‘hey, quick question.’" If you can utter those words, you’ve gone past the point of no return. It would be more awkward to leave without asking the question than it would be to ask it and open the group up. By taking it one small step at a time, you end up in conversation. The anxiety is likely surging through your body at this point, but it didn't stop you from getting to where you needed to be. Use it. Let it be a little extra energy to give excitement behind the interaction. What’s great about this exercise is not only how effective it is, but that it works whenever you have to do something that induces anxiety. Try using it when you have to go for a kiss, or ask a girl out on a date. Small steps will lead you to success.
The Heroic Mind Shaping Exercise: Confidence Building Have you ever watched a movie and pictured yourself in the character's shoes? Imagine if you could take on the frame of one of your favorite heroes. This exercise will allow you to spot the positive traits in others, and help you develop them within yourself. To do this exercise you need the steps listed below, combined with an exclusive Attract and Seduce audio lesson, which you can get by following the link at the end of this chapter. 1. Write down a list of characters with qualities you would like to incorporate into your frame. For you, that might be James Bond, Alexander the Great, Casanova, or any other person (real or fictional) whom you admire. 2. Choose the character on this list that you can most easily visualize in detail. 3. Choose a form of media that you can best experience this character with. This could be a movie, a history channel presentation, a book, a series of magazine articles, or anything else you feel would be beneficial. 4. Feel free to combine a few forms as well. Do whatever it takes for you to best understand the character to the fullest degree. 5. Pay attention to how this character walks into a room, the micro expressions on his face, the way he talks and portrays confidence. If there is a specific scene in a movie or book that you believe best portrays this character, watch or read it several times. 6. Once you have done all this, sit down in a quiet room and listen to the Heroic Mind Shaping Exercise audio file, which you can find by clicking on the link at the end of this chapter.
Rejection and Transforming Your Critical Seductive Mind Seduction can be a difficult art to learn, because training requires we fail in front of the people we’re interested in getting to know. These rejections can send us spiraling into self-doubt; causing us to quit practicing. We keep hearing criticisms of ourselves like "you suck" over and over. As students we know criticism is important, it helps us get better, but this inner-wingman telling us that we suck – he’s of no use to anyone. Here’s one way you can train yourself to transform him from a bad inner-wingman to a helpful one. When it comes to practice, don’t accept criticism from yourself that you wouldn’t accept from a good wingman. A good wingman would never tell you that you suck or that you’ll never be good with women, and hopefully you wouldn’t tolerate that kind of worthless criticism. If your wingman told you that you should approach from an angle rather than walking up directly, you’d more than likely take that advice, because it’s helpful. What they’re telling you will make you a better seducer, and that’s the goal. When it comes to self-criticism, you need to recognize that same difference. Telling yourself that you suck won’t help you, but giving yourself specific advice will. My suggestion is to carry a note card, and every time you tell yourself, "I suck" or "I’ll never get the girl" or "I’m unattractive" you’re going to take out the note card. On it you’re going to write down a helpful tip for yourself; one or more things you can do to improve your seduction. You can be harsh, pointing out your own seductive flaws, but make sure that you’re writing down ideas you can test to fix the problem. The idea here is to train yourself to replace worthless criticisms with helpful ones and quiet down that terrible wingman in your head.
________________________ Ready To Eliminate Approach Anxiety? To make things easier, I created a downloadable "Cheat Sheet" called the "Routine Stack Builder". Also you can listen to the "Heroic Mindshaping Exercise" and watch Neil Strauss on video explaining how to eliminate Approach Anxiety, visit: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 5: Top 12 Reasons Everyone Should Study Attraction and Seduction "The most amazing thing for me is that every single person who sees a movie, not necessarily one of my movies, brings a whole set of unique experiences. Now, through careful manipulation and good storytelling, you can get everybody to clap at the same time, to hopefully laugh at the same time, and to be afraid at the same time." - Steven Spielberg "We know what we are, but know not what we may be." - William Shakespeare Reason #1 Studying Attraction and Seduction will help you to influence others. To understand attraction and seduction, you must understand desire. Desire is the root of seduction’s power. Learning to seduce someone means leading their imagination to learn about their own desires. This is what we’re going to study: How to fulfill desires with our words, our looks, and our reputations. If you understand seduction, you'll have a better grasp on the world around you. You'll understand why you make the decisions you make and have better insight as to why others make the decisions they make. You'll understand how the world, politicians, and advertisements influence you. You’ll learn what makes you attracted to the people you're attracted to. Seduction is a skill with a world of benefits. Reason #2 Studying attraction and seduction will open up new opportunities.
Many of us run into opportunity after opportunity that we miss out on. Sometimes it's just because we didn't know there was an opportunity in the first place. I have met so many people who've had crushes on friends or co-workers who felt like the deck was stacked against, and so they never made a move. They ended up as "just friends" and find out later that the other person felt the same way, and had either one of them made a move, they might be together. A tragedy of epic proportions. Attraction and seduction can give you the awareness to see these kinds of opportunities; to understand when the deck is truly stacked against you and when you're the one in control. Reason #3 Studying attraction and seduction will help you get to know yourself better. A side effect of studying attraction and seduction is selfunderstanding. To be a great student of attraction and seduction you must learn to put yourself in other people’s shoes, to see the world from a variety of other perspectives. You have to look at yourself through their eyes and ask if what you're doing is seductive to them. Reason #4 Studying attraction and seduction will improve your romantic, dating and sex life, expand your social circles, and grow your network. While studying attraction and seduction you're going to make friends. It's going to happen. To practice you need to get out there and meet people, and as you'll learn when we get deeper into the system – the first step is learning to make people comfortable with you, and the second is to offer value. Doing this will make you friends. Put yourself in a woman's shoes: a guy walks up to you, he is very comfortable to be around, he has great stories, an interesting personality,
and helped make the interaction more enjoyable. Would you want this guy in your social circle? Of course. Reason #5 Studying attraction and seduction will bring more adventure into your life. People who study attraction and seduction have a great understanding of the world around them, because the art form requires it. The more you know about the world around you the more conversations you'll be part of, and even better, the more conversations you'll be able to lead. This means getting to know your city, getting to know your country, getting to know the culture around you, and discovering as much as you can about the world. Reason #6 Studying attraction and seduction will give you choice. Imagine seeing a woman you’re interested in talking to – at a bar, in a nightclub, on the street, or anywhere else. Now imagine you could walk right up to her and start a conversation that leads to a romantic adventure. With practice, you can have the ability to choose who you’d like to date, rather than hoping for the best. Reason #7 Studying attraction and seduction will give you a new perspective. To be a great seducer you have to be able to see yourself from other people’s perspectives; you need to understand how others view you, so that you can make strategic decisions about which pieces of identity to share. By paying attention to how other people think and feel, you’ll start to open up your mind to why others do what they do – and that can change your life in more ways than I can possibly contain in this short section.
Reason #8 Studying Attraction and Seduction will expand your horizons. The more you know about the world, the more conversations you can be part of, and, even better, the more conversations you can lead. All the guys I know who study seduction are ravenous learners. They consume information faster than anyone else I know. If you study attraction and seduction, there will be a point where you’ll come to realize that you’ve become more interested in absorbing new information. It’s a great moment. Reason #9 Studying attraction and seduction will make you more confident. Ask most people what it takes to seduce another person and they’ll almost invariably say, "confidence". For the most part, they’re right, confidence is a big part of it, but you can’t just be confident. You have to cultivate confidence through small successes. By practicing the techniques, and learning the principles, you’ll start to see success on a small level, and over time those successes will stack, giving you the confidence to be a great seducer. Reason #10 Studying attraction and seduction will transform you into your best self. The combination of self-awareness and social-awareness that comes from studying attraction and seduction will make communication easier and more effective for you. The confidence you’ll get from having put in the blood, sweat, and tears it takes to learn this skill will give you confidence in all other areas of your life. You’ll pick up new skills, go on
new adventures, and have a legion of new friends, and as many lovers as you could want. You’ll be a new person; the best person you can be. Reason #11 By studying attraction and seduction, you’ll make more money. As we’ve mentioned before, seduction is not all about romance. It’s part of business too. Becoming a better seducer means becoming better at communication. The information you gain from studying attraction and seduction will allow you to think steps ahead of others and be more strategic. It will also help you navigate the complex social dynamics that exist in the business world. As you practice, you’ll find that making deals, getting meetings, and eventually making more money will come easier, because you’ll be more aware of people’s needs and desires. Reason #12 By studying attraction and seduction, you’ll have more sex. Seduction for most people is about sex, romance and relationships. It’s the number one goal for most of my students. If you put in the time to learn this skill, not only will you end up having more sex, it will also be with the types of women you desire, in the kinds of relationships that you want to have. ________________________ Learn Attraction and Seduction Fast! Learning a new skill is sometimes hard. Neil Strauss has tips and insights for you that make learning Attraction and Seduction easier and faster, visit: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 6: How to Apply the Attract and Seduce 4-Step System "The key to growth is the introduction of higher dimensions of consciousness into our awareness." - Lao Tzu Way before I started teaching seduction, I studied martial arts. My teacher was awesome – a guy who could walk into any school of martial arts, watch them move, and apply their techniques to himself. He was never shy about how he did it. The key was in his understanding of two particular words. Hearing the two words over and over again, and understanding their meaning, significantly changed my life. Here are the two words:
Principle
Technique
So, what's the difference? Why are these two words so important? Well, if you understand their importance and meaning in the context of learning an art form, they make learning anything much easier. A principle is universal. That means a principle of attraction and seduction holds true no matter who's doing the attracting and seducing or what realm of seduction you're playing in: Business, Politics, or Romance. For example, if the principle of starting a conversation is "make the person or group comfortable" then that holds true whether you're a woman seducing a man, or a man seducing a woman. It holds true in
romantic seductions, business seductions, and political seductions. The principle always remains the same; techniques however, differ from situation to situation. In martial arts, there's no one punch that wins all fights. In seduction, there's no one technique for making friends with everyone, or getting the woman of your dreams into bed. Techniques are expressions of their respective principles, and are meant to be used for specific times and places. The key in martial arts and seduction is the same: You practice techniques to gain better understanding of the underlying principles. That means if you want to learn attraction and seduction, practice the techniques, but always keep the principles in mind. You may intellectually understand the principle, but that’s not the same as experiencing the principle. Techniques help you learn the principles through experience. That’s why you practice them. So, later on when I teach you about starting conversations, I'm going to teach you the principle and then some techniques. The techniques I offer in this book and online are foolproof for very particular situations. They’ve been thoroughly tested and are great for you to practice. How to Practice Attraction and Seduction Techniques: Attraction and seduction is a skill set like any other, meaning it requires practice. This book has all the lessons for you to learn the skill, but you're going to have to put the time in to practice it. Check out the instructional videos – you'll find a link to at the end of every chapter. I even have a practice schedule up for you, if you want to see what a good week of practice is like.
The World is Your Dojo: Unlike martial arts, there are no physical schools for learning attraction and seduction. We don't have dojos or playing fields to practice on. But we still have a classroom of sorts. Every place you choose to practice, whether it be a nightclub, a coffee shop, a shopping mall, or the beach is your classroom. Treat it as such, when you practice:
Don't get drunk.
Have a study plan.
Do your homework.
Treat the place with respect.
Plan regular hours to practice.
For years I've been hearing the same thing about practice. "Doing all this new stuff makes me feel weird around my friends." Here's a suggestion: Don't practice around your friends. Think of it like this: when you go to a sport practice, you don't bring all your friends who aren't interested in the sport to practice with you. It would be weird if they were there, and they probably wouldn't have a good time. You have to think of this art just like practicing any other; only practice with other people who are interested in learning this art form. If no one else is interested, practice on your own. 5 Things A New Student Can Do To Prepare for Their Seduction Education I imagine that if you’re reading this you’re ready to put a whole lot of energy into the art form. That’s great! Here are a few ideas for new students to help you before you even start: 1. Set time aside: This is going to be the most important step for any newbie. Set time aside on a calendar that you know will be solely used to
practice whatever material you’re learning. I suggest, at minimum, one day a week, for three hours. For guys practicing in bars and clubs, do it stone cold sober. 2. Practice material: Find material you like and practice it. This is vital in the early stages. You need something solid to work on. Don’t just jump into sets with people doing the same old thing you’ve always done. I suggest an opinion opener like Cashmere Sweater or Drunk-I-LoveYou to start. Practice something new, something that takes you out of your comfort zone. As our coach Jonny Cruz says, "Get uncomfortable." 3. If you need a push, buy one: There are two ways you can do this. The first is to go out with a friend, hand him a $200 bill, and have him return $20 for every approach you make. The second is to take a bootcamp. I suggest the Stylelife Bootcamps, because I teach for Stylelife and because our bootcamps are awesome. Sometimes, you just need a kick in the ass. Stylelife is here to give you that kick in the ass, possibly a few. 4. Read and write more: You’re going to want to improve your verbal capacity; reading and writing are the best way to do that. So, pick up at least one book a month and read it. Get in a writing habit, because you’re going to have to write field reports: detailed descriptions of what happens each night you practice. It is truly rare to see a student get good at this without writing things down. 5. Get a wingman and practice with a friend: Many of my students like to go out and practice in pairs, as wingmen. It can be fun and helpful to have a friend around. Here’s how you can make the most of practicing with a friend:
Pick your practice - Decide what you’re going out to practice. It should be something specific, like an opener or a routine. Before you
go out, make sure you both know what you’re going to be working on and make a plan.
Know your material - Before you go out, make sure you understand what kinds of routines, openers, and stories you each like to tell. Let your partner know where you’re at in your practice. Are you working on opening? Are you working on Seeding Dates? Are you working on building value? You and your friend should be clear on what you know and what you’re practicing.
Reward Motivation - This is a technique to help motivate you when you’re out with a friend. Give your friend $100 and for each approach you make, he gives you back $20. Let’s say you have three hours to approach five groups of people or individual women or he keeps the remaining money.
Approach Alone - When making approaches, one guy should walk up and then the wing should follow once the first person has started conversation. Two guys walking up to a group together makes it more obvious that you’re there to hit on them, and our goal is to be subtle. So, walk up alone, then have your friend approach once you’ve progressed from the opener to conversation.
Secret Codes - Sometimes you’re going to want to communicate with your wingman without saying something out-loud. By the way, many women are masters of communicating in code with their friends on a girl's night out.
I suggest creating a code that you can use to communicate simple messages. Here’s an example of a code I used to use when my friend approached:
If I point with one finger when my friend approaches, it means that’s the woman I’m interested in. This lets him know to steer clear of her, while helping to build comfort with her friends.
If I point with two fingers, it means that I can’t remember the person’s name. It’s his cue to introduce himself to that person, and ask their name.
If I point with three fingers it means, I’d like him to help me politely eject from this group. There are some conversations you don’t want to be in, and sometimes it can be tough to leave. Having a friend come over and say, “Hey, you need to close out your tab,” or something similar can allow you to leave without being rude.
Debrief Afterwards - This is probably the most important part of working with a friend. Either when you get home, or the next day, sit down with your friend and go over what you did wrong and what you did right. Start to plan out your next practice session based on your debrief sessions. Respect Your Wingman Friend - Some guys like to tease each other relentlessly. This is great for when you’re hanging out together, but not for attraction and seduction. When you and your friend are in a group together, you should always be propping each other up, never tearing each other down. In addition, don’t let other people tear your partner down. Stand up for him and make sure he stands up for you. You’re in it together. One of the most powerful symbols that you're an interesting person is that you have interesting people around you. People who are not only fun to be around, but people who are just as interesting as you are. Picture this: You're out at a bar or club and you approach a woman. You're the wing tonight, so you introduce your buddy and let everyone in the group know that he's an amazing guy. You just made him interesting, but you didn't do anything for yourself, right?
Wrong. In fact, you've just totally set yourself up to be a super cool guy, because you convey respect for someone you care about. While you're giving social value to the guy you're winging for, you're also creating high social value for yourself in this situation. After all, if you're with this totally awesome dude, how awesome does that make you? Pretty awesome. This applies basically everywhere in life. Whether you're out at a bar or club, or just meeting people at a business conference or even trying to make new friends when you move to a new city. If you're around people who are interesting, people are going to assume that you're interesting yourself. If you introduce others as being fascinating, interesting people, others are going to want to know what you're hiding under your hat. So, as a conclusion for this chapter, I want you to go find a wingman, share and discuss what you want to learn first and then go out. See you in the field! ________________________ Get Your Wingman! For this chapter I have created a downloadable Cheat Sheet with Wing Rules and a PDF that you can use when you are with your wingman in the field: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 7: Step #1: The Secret of the Opening Line "Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love." - Mother Teresa
Over the years, I’ve heard one consistent complaint that bring students to me: “I don’t have the confidence to approach strangers, let alone beautiful women, because I just don’t know what to say.” I understand. It was tough for me to learn how to walk up and talk to complete strangers; to make the cold approach. However, it needs to be done, because it’s what will give you real choice. It’s what will give you the ability to say, “I want to talk to that person,” and then actually do it. One of my fellow coaches reminisced with me about one of his first cold approaches: "I saw this girl on the subway. She was standing right near me. I looked at her knowing I was going to have to approach her. This is why I was doing it right? To approach the people I want to be able to talk to, I looked at her again ready to make my move, but I couldn’t move. My feet felt like they were cemented into the ground. My heart was beating faster, and I felt like I had tunnel vision. I couldn’t do it."
Now, after practicing, he’s managed to become the kind of guy that can approach anyone, even high-caliber women, with confidence. How does he do it? Well, he uses a conversation starter, commonly referred to as an “opener.” An opener is a scripted line that helps to start a conversation, and most importantly, makes the person or group comfortable talking with you. Think about it this way: If you are approached by a complete stranger, what would you be thinking? What does he want from me? Why should I answer? How long do I have to talk to him? These questions, if they go unanswered would make you uncomfortable, and you’d probably not want them around. So here is the principle: To start a conversation with strangers you must make them comfortable talking with you. Why? If anything you say or do feels uncomfortable, they'll probably run for the hills as fast as possible. This is why guys are rejected so often when they approach, because they make the woman and/or her friends uncomfortable. Here are five golden rules for starting conversations: 1. Say something that’s interesting.
Whatever comes out of your mouth should arouse curiosity. It doesn’t have to blow their minds, but it does have to get the group talking. 2. Say something that leads to more conversation. Conversation has to move forward. Generally making a statement doesn’t lead to more conversation, so try using a question. Questions like, “What's the time?” or “Where’s the bathroom?” generally don’t work because the group simply answers them expecting you to move on. In addition, they’re not interesting. 3. Say something that expresses a little about yourself. Everything you say and do when you’re with someone reveals something about yourself. Be aware that the way you start a conversation says something about you. By using an opening line you can actually start to control the assumptions people make about you when you approach. Think about what the things you’re asking say about you. 4. Make sure they know that you can’t stay long. This may sound counter-intuitive, but when you approach, you should always say something to the effect of, “I can’t stay long.” The reason for this is when a stranger approaches a person or group, that person or group has a moment of anxiety that makes them feel uncomfortable. Especially if they think that they are going to be stuck with the new person talking their ear off. To alleviate this anxiety, it’s important to let them know, right away, that you’re leaving soon. Now, obviously, we approached because we want to continue conversation. Don’t worry; you don’t actually have to leave. You just have to say that you can’t stay long. If you’re able to make them comfortable they won’t bring up that you said you had to leave. In fact, in all the approaches I’ve ever done, I’ve never had anyone bring it up. 5. Make sure you give them a reason for whatever you’re saying.
You don’t want to appear as though you’re doing market research or some sort of survey, so always give a reason for saying whatever you were going to say. You’ll see examples of these reasons in the openers in this book and on the website. How to practice starting a conversation Now that you have the golden rules down it’s time to learn the words, but before I get to the openers let me give you some tips for practicing them: 1. Memorize and rehearse: Make sure you know what you’re saying, if you fumble with the words people will get confused. If they get confused, they may reject you. It’s just that people get uncomfortable when they’re confused, and they reject people they’re uncomfortable with. If you learn the opener, have it down, word for word. If you can't rehearse at home, do it in the car while you’re driving. You’ll be able to repeat the portion they didn’t hear or were confused about. 2. Go out and practice. These things take time to practice. You’re not going to get these down perfectly in a night, and it’s going to take more than one approach to get them down. That means you need to put practice time in, don’t email me if it doesn’t work on the first try. That would be like taking one martial arts class, learning one punch, that you practice once, and then blaming the teacher for teaching you something that didn’t work. It’s a skill and it takes practice. 3. Add body language: Here's a little secret: Point your feet away from the person or group you are beginning a conversation with. When you say, “I can’t stick around long,” It’ll be more effective if your body language is consistent with your words. When people who are really in a hurry or aren’t planning on sticking around, they keep their bodies facing the direction they’re going. Do the same; keep your feet pointed away. Now, onto two of my favorite openers:
Opener #1: The Cashmere Sweater Opener "Hey, quick question, I have to take off in a minute, but I wanted to get your advice about something. I’m supposed to help my friend pick out a cashmere sweater for his sister’s birthday. I had him check her size and she wears all smalls and mediums. So, my question is: If someone bought you a gift would you rather it be a little too small or a little too big?" Opener #2: The Drunk I-Love-You Opener "Hey, quick question. Maybe you can help with this one: Do drunk "I-love-yous” count? Like if someone’s drunk and they say they love you. Does that count? The reason I’m asking is because one of my buddies is going to be here in a few minutes and he asked me something I couldn’t really give him an answer to – It’s kind of a relationship question. This girl, who he’s been into since college, finally opened up to him last night and said she was in love with him. The problem is, she was drunk and she hasn’t mentioned anything since. What should I tell him to do?" Learning to start conversations with ease takes time, there are a lot more tips and tricks you can employ to make it easier or refine your delivery. For many more openers, check out the online bonus training section at the end of this chapter. Creating your own opener: Once you’ve practiced one of the openers, you can start to toy around with the idea of building your own opener. Because your main goal when starting a conversation is to make the person feel conformable
talking to you, an opener should contain certain elements to achieve this goal. First and foremost, you have to answer the questions in their mind before they even think them. A fair warning: I don’t think that new students should be creating their own material. It would be like going into a martial arts class and just deciding to make up your own moves, but I know that many of you are going to try so here are some guidelines: 1. Why is he talking to me? Make sure your opener has a "root." In other words, you must have a reason that you’re saying whatever you’re saying. It could be that you need help to select a sweater, or to choose a name, a dish in a restaurant. It could be that you are looking for an opinion, an answer or advice and she looks like she can help. Either way there has to be a reason for the approach. 2. When will he leave? Make sure that your openers have a time constraint. That means letting the person know you can’t stay long. Maybe you have to catch a plane, get back to your friends, go to a meeting, etc. The main point is to let the person know that you are not going to latch onto them for an extended period of time. 3. Make sure the topic is interesting; this can serve as a springboard for discussions and should end with a question that can lead to more conversation. 4. Is he hitting on me? Don’t start with a compliment, make it sexual or convey that you are interested. First of all, you really don't know her so how can you already be interested in anything more than her looks? Secondly, indicating your interest early on can make women uncomfortable, and it’s bad seductive timing.
5. If you’re going to create an own opener, practice it regularly. You need to work out the kinks, and you can’t work them all out in your head, they need to be field-tested. ________________________ More Openers Please?! You want more openers? Or create your own openers? Download additional brand-new openers (we are constantly updating this file) or the "Opener Worksheet" that helps you build your own. As a bonus you can listen to an audio on practicing openers: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 8: The Bridging Technique: Keep Talking!
"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee You might think that the biggest problem I've run into as a seduction coach was getting guys to approach intimidating beautiful women, but you’d be wrong. The biggest problem, by far, was getting guys to not run away after a few minutes talking to a group of strangers. Most of the time, a student would walk up, open, get the conversation going, get nervous, and eject from the group. When I'd ask why the student left, the answer would invariably be, "I couldn't think of anything else to say." Here's the thing: you do have something to say. In fact, you have lots of things to say. You're just freezing up, because you are likely worried about judgment from the group. Or you are overthinking the group's opinion of you. First piece of advice: Don't panic. This happens to most students and there’s a way to fix it. It's called "bridging." Bridge: The all-purpose conversational linking technique A bridge can be any question or any observation.
A bridge is a way to propel a conversation forward and steer it in the direction you want it to go. The first bridge generally happens right after the opener; you ask a question or make an observation. The question or observation should lead to a value building routine or story. This technique was developed when a fellow coach and I were discussing the "I have nothing to say" phenomenon, which consistently plagues our students. At the time, we didn’t teach a technique for strategically evolving a conversation on the spot. We sat down and thought about what drives interaction forwards. We noticed two things: 1. People would make contextual observations, or 2. People ask questions seemingly out of nowhere. Here are a few examples: "So, how's work?" "How's your wife doing?" "You remind me of this teacher I had." "I love the music here." "How do you all know each other?" "I love your necklace." Everyone, in every conversation we observed, used questions and observations to propel conversation forward. Stack enough of questions and observations together and you can easily extend the length of a conversation, ad infinitum. And when we extracted this pattern, we knew immediately that this was our answer. However, as seducers we want to be a little more strategic. Can we use bridging to not only propel conversation forward, but also to steer it where we wanted it to go? Absolutely.
Let's say you want to talk about music: You can make an observation about the music in the room. Let's say you want to talk about work: You could ask where someone works. Let's say you want to talk about travel: You could ask, "Do you do much traveling?" To look at it another way: You could ask the question, "How do you all know each other?" There are only a few answers to the question: "We work together." "We're related." "We're in a romantic relationship." "We're roommates." "We go to school together." "We're friends." Knowing this ahead of time - I suggest having a story ready about work, a sibling (or lack thereof), a romantic relationship, a roommate, school, and a close friend. This way no matter what answer you get, you're a step ahead and ready to move things forward. For right now, it's important to see that a bridge can steer conversation. Later on we'll discuss how to bridge into an identity story (chapter 11) or a knowledge based identity story (chapter 10). The better you get at asking questions and making observations, the easier it will be to find places for your stories in your seductions. You can find more information on Bridging, The Ring Finger Routine, The Best Friends Test, and Identity Storytelling, by following the instructions at the end of this chapter.
Tips for bridging:
Keep the bridges non-physical when you're first learning this skill. Observations about body language are great, but one's about her attractiveness will come off as hitting on her. Don't do that.
One of the best bridges to use after the opener is: "How do you all know each other?" It gives you valuable information about the dynamics of the group you're speaking with.
Bridges are used throughout an interaction, not just after the opener. Anytime you need to move the conversation forward or steer it, a bridge can be applied.
Bridges are great for leading to conversations where you can express who you are to the other person. If you are a musician and want to talk about music, make an observation about the music in the venue. If you love your job and want to talk about a work related story ask, "Do you all work together?" Get their answers and tell your story.
For guys who feel like they always run out of stuff to say, try using a bridge when you hit that mental block. Make any observation or ask any question, then see where the conversation goes. ________________________ More How-To Video and Audios
There are how-to videos, cheat sheets that help you memorize and step-by-step exercises that go along with each chapter and a community of fellow students. http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 9: Step #2: The Three Keys to Build Attraction and Become the Most Interesting Guy in the Room "Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value." - Albert Einstein
I'm going to teach you the three steps to becoming the most attractive and interesting guy in the room. It is vital that you memorize each of them. Download the cheat sheet that I’ll give you at the end of this chapter or write steps down and memorize them. What is social value and what does building it mean? Social value is a combination of your looks, your reputation, what you do, and what you say in a given social situation. That means if you’re good-looking, famous, and charming you’ll have a lot of value in a room. Right? Of course it does! However, just because they’re attractive in one room doesn’t mean they are in the next, because social value is conditional. You don’t get any social value for being good looking if the people you’re interacting with think you’re ugly. You don’t get any value for being famous if the people you’re speaking with don’t know you’re
famous. What’s charming to one person might be unattractive to the next. Your value changes from interaction to interaction, and the value of each of your qualities is based on the people or person you’re talking with. It’s based on their perspective of the identity you’re conveying. Great seducers must learn to see themselves from the eyes of others. This helps them calculate the most efficient and effective way to build value with a person or group. We’re going to talk about three active ways to build value: Routines, Identity Stories, and Active Disinterest. Later in the book we’ll discuss two passive ways to build value: looks and reputation. Looks and reputation are passive, meaning that you don’t have to do anything to get them to work; people either think you’re good looking or not. They either know who you are and what you’ve done or they don’t. For this reason, we’re going to focus on the active aspects, the stuff that takes infield practice to master. For purposes of practice: always assume that the group or person isn’t attracted to you physically, and doesn’t know anything about you. If in conversation, you find out that the girl you’re interested in is attracted to you or has heard about you in a positive way, it’s a bonus. How do you build high value in a social setting? One of the biggest problems I see with most men who study attraction and seduction is this: they try to get what they want before they've built enough social value. You must learn to build high social value, and you must learn to build a lot of it! Social value is like money. If you want the Aston Martin, you're going to need the $150,000 it costs to purchase it. If you don't have the
money, you're just window-shopping. Similarly, if you don't have enough social value, you're not going to get her number, your dates will flake, and your seduction will fail. That said, here are the three steps you'll need to use to actively build social value: Key #1: Knowledge Based Social Value (Generating Social Value with What You Know) In movies the "player” is generally portrayed as a guy with a gimmick. He has some trick or game that he uses to charm and seduce the women he meets. While tricks and gimmicks won’t get you love, they will help you add value in a seduction. They’re a piece of the puzzle. If you want to become the most interesting guy in the room, you should memorize a few routines – magic tricks, bar cons, psychology games, or cold reads – to have on hand to liven up the atmosphere. The more entertaining routines you know and can perform, the more interesting and fun you'll be. The knowledge based games and routines are by no means the only way you build social value, but they can come in handy with the right timing. Key #2: Wisdom-based Social Value (Generating Social Value with Your Life Story) This is going to be the cornerstone of your social value building. Wisdom-based value building is all about your perspective of the world. Wait a minute, you might think. My life has not been that exciting. What if I don’t have any stories that can impress a group of people? Don’t worry; you don’t need to be well traveled, have a crazy adventurous life or a high paying job. Don’t get me wrong – that definitely helps, but it’s not necessary. Generating value with your life story is about sharing your perspective of reality; not bragging. It's about
lessons you’ve learned about life. Start by answering the following questions: Where have you been? Example: When I first arrived in Indonesia to study martial arts… What lessons have you learned about life? Example: My first job at the animal shelter showed me how important animals can be to a child… What events have shaped your life? Example: The moment I first heard a Metallica song I knew I’d have to start playing guitar… What hobbies do you have? Example: I grew up watching anime and have always wanted to be able to move like a ninja, so a few months ago I started parkour classes… What are your preferences? Example: My favorite food is pasta, because my grandmother made it for us every Sunday… You're going to have to take those answers and use them to construct "identity stories". Identity Storytelling is a technique for learning basic storytelling and discovering how to express who you are. You’ll be taking a look at your preferences and experiences, and learning to talk about them in a seductive way that will make you more attractive to your audience. These stories are efficient ways to communicate who you are (your identity) to other people.
Key #3: Active Disinterest Have you ever had someone tell you that the best way to pick up a woman is to be an asshole? Or that women like bad boys? Or that good guys finish last? Have you ever thought about why being "bad" might be attractive? It's a pretty simple psychological trigger. People – women and men – want what they can't have. It's the scarcity and it's the challenge. It's the hope that there is more than meets the eye. Seduction isn’t about being a jerk. Jerks are not attractive; their attitudes create permanent emotional barriers On the other hand, the nice guy puts up no barriers. There’s no challenge and he comes off as needy, and that’s equally unattractive. You’re looking for the middle ground. You can’t create a permanent barrier by being mean and offensive, but there has to be some tension to create attraction. This middle ground is found by studying active disinterest. How does it work? It's about learning how to create temporary barrier that together you can overcome together. Everyone wants the things that are just out of reach, and seduction is based on desires that spring from unfulfilled longings, insecurities and dreams. In order for you to want something, something else has to be missing. This is true whether you know about seduction or not. We’re all looking for the missing half of our broken-heart necklace, in one form or another.
I want the car because it will make me feel powerful.
I want a boyfriend so I won't feel alone.
I want the supermodel so my friends will be jealous.
I want the job so my parents will be proud of me.
Active disinterest assists in the generation of attraction by making yourself the thing they're missing – the thing that will give the other person what they need to fulfill their insecurity, longing or dream. This is the most counterintuitive part of social value building, because it means that you're demonstrating that you are not interested in an effort to pique interest. There are a million ways to show active disinterest, but the overall goal is to create an emotional spike. Every seduction is a story. Don't believe me? Ask any person you know to tell you how they met their husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend and you will inevitably hear a story. That story will have emotional ups and downs in it. All good stories have emotional spikes. In almost every romantic comedy: A guy meets a girl, and there’s some reason they can’t be together, and as the movie goes on they learn to dissolve that barrier and find love. If that barrier weren’t there, the story would be boring. We need emotional ups and downs to help us remember and enjoy a story. A great seducer can make life a really, really great story. Which means when you display active disinterest and add those emotional ups and downs, you make this story fun and exciting for both of you. Over the next few chapters, I'll delve deeper into these three steps. You'll learn routines, a method for building identity stories, and ways to start practicing active disinterest.
Get ready to take some notes, and if you have your computer out that'd be good too. For more examples of the techniques and routines, visit the website at the end of each chapter. ________________________ Where Does Attraction Come From? Have you ever wondered why we feel attraction to other people? Is it a choice, free will or chemistry. Read in this book review of "The Red Queen" what is behind the mystery. You'll find it here: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 10: Key 1: Never Run Out of Things to Say "I'm hungry for knowledge. The whole thing is to learn every day, to get brighter and brighter. That's what this world is about. You look at someone like Gandhi, and he glowed. Martin Luther King glowed. Muhammad Ali glows. I think that's from being bright all the time, and trying to be brighter." - Jay-Z By now, you've noticed that there are instructions at the end of each chapter that lead you to videos you can watch and cheat sheets you can download -- be sure to check that out. Stylelife has a number of videos of the knowledge-based social value generators that I mention in this chapter up on their site. Please check them out! That said, let's get on with it… There are two different types of social value generating stories. The first type is a knowledge-based story – also called a routine. What are routines? Routines are little social games, personality exercises, gimmicks, magic tricks, thought experiments, captivating stories, riddles, or bets that help you entertain a person or group of people. Routines are pretty straightforward. You memorize the routine then share it with the people you’re trying to entertain. Any person, who can deliver a good routine, becomes the center of attention and Demonstrate High social Value (DHV). The more DHV routines you know, the more entertaining you can be. The reason they work so well is that they provide fun and energetic dynamic to the social situation. A routine has to be something interesting
that raises the energy of the group, and provides an entertaining element to the interaction. Entering a group and lowering the energy level isn’t generally a good thing. You’re taking value in the form of energy. We don’t want to take energy; we want to give it or at least keep the energy level the same. So you get an idea of what I’m talking about: Imagine you’re in a bar with friends. You’re joking and laughing having a great time and someone approaches you and your friends. He’s a little down, and so suddenly the fun you and your friends were having starts to slip away. That’s going to make you feel uncomfortable with that guy, right? You probably wouldn’t want him around for long. Now a different story: You and you’re friends are hanging out having a good time. Someone approaches. He walks up and tells a fascinating story – something that gets everyone excited to hear more. Chances are you’re not uncomfortable around this guy, and would want him to stick around. He’s adding value to the group. These routines, when performed correctly, should add value to the group by raising the energy level and keeping the group intrigued. Hook Point The moment the group is comfortable with you enough to carry on a conversation, you’ve reached "hook point". All value-generating routines will start after you’ve reached this hook point. In other words, routines are used after you’ve started a conversation. They’re not intended to start conversations themselves, although it’s not uncommon that someone who sees or hears you doing a routine will butt in and join the fun. Selecting a Routine
There is an endless selection of routines out there to choose from. Just to name a few: Cold Reads, Psychology Games, Bar-Cons, Magic Tricks. Having a number of different routines under your belt will help you out in the long run. The more routines you have, the more flexible you’ll be when you’re out practicing. For example, I’ve found bar-cons to be great games to play at parties and lower-energy bars. I’ve found cold reads to benefit me anywhere that someone doesn’t have trouble hearing me, while magic tricks can be great for loud clubs, especially if the illusion is visual. Psychology games work best for me when I’m sitting with new acquaintances, like at dinner parties and social events where I already know a good amount of people. As you practice these routines, you’ll find that your experience is a little different than mine. I have friends who can perform illusions almost anywhere and others who rely solely on cold reading. The point is, test all of them (even if that means stepping outside your comfort zone), and then decide which work better for you. Just don’t ignore them completely. I've included a sample routine at the end of the chapter, but remember there are training videos in the bonus section. Polishing a Routine: Turning a Routine into a Story Once you have a few routines memorized and have experimented with them a bit, you’ll find that sometimes they can feel like they’re a little too non sequitur.
These are interactive stories that you're telling, and while they may be entertaining, you are not meant to be entertainment. You don’t want to feel like you’re standing on a stage performing
routine after routine. You can prevent this by not doing any more than two during a single environment on the same night.
Spend some time memorizing how these routines work. The better you know them, the easier it will be to insert them into your seduction. Most of these routines are not inherently romantic, which means you can practice them on friends and family before you start using them for cold approaches.
Try not to use all the routines you know early on in a seduction. Save some of them for the date, or later on in the interaction.
Now let's take a look at a fully fleshed out routine. The Ring Finger Routine: Deconstructing Knowledge Based Value Generators One routine that I've been teaching for years, and have seen work over and over again, is The-Ring-Finger routine. Take a look at the routine I've laid out here. Pay attention to the structure. If you like the routine – try it out, make it yours. If you’re not interested in it, you can find more routines at the end of the chapter. Part 1: The Set-up Start the routine with a story. The story should be a short explanation that gives context on the routine you're about to present. Start with where did you learned it and why you're bringing it up. The point of having the set up – sometimes-called a "root" – is to make things seem less random by adding context, and to provide them with some information about yourself. Here’s an example of a set-up for the "Ring Finger" routine:
When you notice a ring on someone's finger, point it out and say, "I have a friend who was into mythology and she taught me that the finger you wear your ring on says something about your personality. In ancient times, each finger represented a different Greek god. Praise was given to a particular god by the finger or fingers one chose to wear rings on." Part 2: The Routine/Knowledge-based Story Here you're going to play the game, perform the cold-read, or do the magic trick. Whatever skill or knowledge you think would be valuable to present at this time in conversation goes here, always after the set-up. Continued Example for the "Ring Finger" routine: THE THUMB: "The thumb represents Poseidon, god of the sea. He was very independent. He was the only god who didn't live on Mount Olympus. People who wear thumb rings are independent and don't follow trends, preferring instead to set their own." THE INDEX FINGER: "The index finger represents Zeus, king of all gods, and the God of Thunder and Lightning. It's a very dominant finger, and having a ring on that finger means you tend to be a dominant person. It shows power and immense energy." THE MIDDLE FINGER: "Your middle finger represents Dionysus, god of wine and partying. He is a very irreverent God. A ring there means you do whatever you want and care little of what others think." Give her the bird and say, "It's like a screw you to the world when you're wearing a ring on that finger." (This joke always gets a laugh.) THE RING FINGER: If she has a ring on this left hand ring finger ask, "Is that a wedding ring or do you just wear it to keep the jerks away?" You'll be shocked how often she isn't married. If she's married,
you can run the routine for practice or to attract her friends – "Your ring finger is Aphrodite, goddess of love. That's why it's the wedding ring finger. It's the only finger with a vein straight to the heart without branching off. When someone puts a ring on it, they're making a direct connection with your heart." THE PINKY: "The pinky represents Ares, god of war. That's why mobsters wear pinky rings." Ask her, "Did you buy the ring yourself or did someone give you it?" If she bought it say, "At times you're at war with yourself; you have an inner emotional conflict. There's something you're not comfortable with about yourself." If she received the ring from someone tell her, "There may be tension below the surface between you two or some unresolved problems you haven't solved yet." NO RING: If she's not wearing any rings, instead ask, "Out of curiosity – and I'll explain why I'm asking later – when you wear rings, what fingers are they usually on?" Then you can start the routine as presented at the top. Part 3: The Conclusion After you have performed the routine, you're going to make a point about its relevance and the reason you have shared it. Or use the conclusion to springboard into more conversation. For the Ring-Finger routine, I like to use it to springboard into more conversation: "I'm not sure if you've ever been around someone so much that you start picking up some of their quirks, but I always find myself looking at what rings people wear, because I was around my friend so much. Have any of you had that experience before?" Examples for other routines for which you can watch training videos and download cheat sheets:
• • • • • • • • • • • •
The Cube (Watch Neil Straus on video in the bonus training section) Strawberry Fields Five Questions Game (Watch Neil Strauss on video in the bonus training section) Style’s Eliciting Values Astrology Palm Reading Rune Reading Numerology The Best Friends Test Heat Reading Illusion Penny, Nicholas, Dime Beer Faster than a Shot Bar Con Excerpt from Neil Strauss' best-selling book "The Game" (p. 159):
So now that I’d opened the set, it was time to demonstrate value and blow Heidi out. I ran a piece I’d invented after meeting the fake sisters in Miami— the best friends test. “I have to ask you guys: How long have you known each other?” I began. “About six years,” one of the girls said. “I could totally tell.” “How?” “Rather than explain, I’ll give you two the best friends test.” The girls leaned in toward me, thrilled by the idea of an innocuous test. Guys in the community have an expression for this phenomenon: I was giving them “chick crack”. Most women, they say, respond to routines involving tests, psychological games, fortune-telling, and coldreading like addicts respond to free drugs. “Okay,” I said, as if I were about to ask a serious question. The girls huddled in closer. “Do you both use the same shampoo?” They looked at each other to decide on an answer, then turned to me and opened their mouths to speak.
“The answer doesn’t matter,” I cut them off. “You already passed.” “But we don’t use the same shampoo,” one of the girls said. “But you both looked at each other before you answered. See, if you didn’t know each other well, you’d keep eye contact with me. But when two people have a connection, they look at each other first and communicate almost telepathically before answering. They don’t even need to speak to each other.” The two girls looked at each other again. “See,” I exclaimed. “You’re doing it right now.” They burst out laughing. Big points for Style. ________________________ Watch How It's Done On Video Much of the success of a routine depends on its delivery. Which is why I have prepare a few video for you in which you'll see how "The Cube" or "The 5 Question Game" are performed. I also added a few extra "Cheat Sheets" for palm reading and eye accessing cues. Access it here" http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 11: Key 2: Be Fascinating and Stay Authentic: The "Identity Storytelling" Technique "Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion. " - Aristotle Every great seducer is a storyteller in some fashion – they use stories to express identity and take people on emotional journeys. So, what is identity? Why's that important? There are countless philosophers who've written about identity and all the ways to interpret it. For our purposes, let's think of it like this: Everything you say or do in tells the person or people you’re interacting with something about you – what you wear, how you look, and what you say – all of it matters. It's like handing each person you meet puzzle pieces that they put together in their heads. The end result is a picture of who they individually think you are. In other words, they make judgments based on the pieces you give them and then they categorize you. Each category comes with its own judgments based on that person’s experiences. Every person takes these shortcuts. The human brain is programmed to categorize new information; to make judgments so it can understand the world quickly. Your brain does it too. If it didn't do that, you'd experience complete and utter chaos, every single day. Here’s something almost every guy does wrong: When an average man meets a new woman he is just tossing puzzle pieces to her without
really understanding the total puzzle picture she is drawing of him. This can be disastrous. As a master of attraction and seduction, you want to get some level of control over those pieces. You're looking to give women the pieces that will be most attractive to them, and then share the identity you want them to see. That's where Identity Storytelling comes in. "Identity Storytelling" is a technique in which you share your own authentic insights, experiences, opinions and learning in an emotional way that makes you interesting, intriguing and entertaining. You might think, "But I'm not interesting and I don't have many interesting things to say." Wrong! Even someone who has never experienced anything exciting can still have insights and wisdom about life. Let me explain: Identity stories can be about anything: Your hobbies, the places you’ve visited, events in your life, your job, your friends, your preferences, your goals – anything. One of my favorite examples about the effect of Identity Storytelling came from a student I had a few years ago. He was meeting up with me to get some advice on meeting women. The conversation went on for a while and I decided to share "Identity Storytelling" with him – which, at the time, I'd never taught before. A year later, I bumped into him again at one of Neil's events, and asked him how everything was going. He told me, "That Identity Storytelling thing worked pretty well." "Oh yeah? Tell me about it," I prompted.
"Well I ended up using it at work. The company I was working for was trying to hire this one particular business. I told a story about what the company I wanted them to work with meant to me. And by the end of the meeting we'd made a deal to go with them. That decision made the company about four million dollars. So, thanks for your advice." The Identity Storytelling Exercise: Here is a three-step exercise called "Identity Storytelling" that will help you learn to express your identity, while simultaneously learning basic story telling structure. Three Steps to telling an identity story: 1. Start at the beginning: Think about a topic that you'll want to talk about, what you're going to say, and practice by introducing your stories with a feeling and an experience or preference. Here are some examples: • • • • •
"The most exciting adventure I ever went on was..." "My favorite band is..." "The most influential person I ever met was..." "My favorite bar to visit is... "The movie I love the most is..."
2. Lead their emotions when telling the story: Here's the only thing you need to remember about Identity storytelling: Don't talk about your story technically, talk about it as an experience and include the emotions it evoked. Let's assume you like the band Metallica. Don’t say to a woman, "My favorite band is Metallica because I love the lyrics and I think the guitarist is awesome."
Why is this bad? Because, it doesn't explore your identity or create any emotional response. In this example, I’m selling you the band and not myself. By reading it you learn very little about me. In seduction, you're selling yourself. In Identity Storytelling you are expressing your identity with every word and action. Instead, say something like this, "My favorite band is Metallica, because listening to them inspired me to pick up the guitar and start playing." In this example, the band inspired you to do something. The woman learns at least two things about you: • •
You play guitar You were inspired by Metallica.
3. End the story: You need to make sure every story you tell has an end because all good stories do. An end gives the woman you are talking to the feeling like it's her turn to speak and promotes conversation. Practice ending your stories similarly to the way you started them. • • • • •
"...And that was the most exciting adventure I'd ever gone on." "...And that's why they're my favorite band." "...And that's what made [person] so influential to me." "...And that's why [name of venue] is my favorite bar." "...And that's why I was so moved by the …”
That's the basic concept. Also, just to be clear: Identity stories should never come off as boasting, and should not be fictional. In other words, don’t lie; live life and tell your real stories. Here's a check-list of storytelling steps: 1. State what you're talking about when you start your story. 2. Tell a story by leading their emotions. 3. End the story definitively. Lessons in Action: Identity Storytelling “You’re so passionate!” She stood between my legs as I sat in one of the few open bar stools. She subtly rubbed her dancer’s body against my inner thighs as she continued, “I’ve lived out here for two months, and you’re the first person I’ve met who actually cares about other people, who actually wants to have a conversation about something other than sports…” I focused on her dark brown eyes as she spoke. Her face framed by her ringlets of dark curls. The words continued flowing from her red lips, but my focus wavered slightly as I realized what I had accomplished: I had attracted the woman, who – from my perspective – was the most beautiful woman in the bar. “You just seem like a really cool person,” she said. “You’re different,” she said. What made me so different? “I’m not different,” I replied. “I’m the exception.”
************************************ I showed up to the venue with a few friends. The bar was packed full of attractive women, and men (who I could only assume) weren’t very skilled at seduction. I had the upper hand. I took my time with approaches and focused on keeping my friends entertained. I bought the birthday boy a drink and shared stories while I took note of the interesting people in the bar. That’s when I saw her. She was surrounded by five guys. The guys all seemed to be drunk. I walked over and opened one of the drunk guys by asking if he’d seen the game earlier. He started telling me a story about how he and his four buddies had not only seen the game – they’d been at the game. “Oh that’s awesome! I wish I could have been there! I’m jealous,” I said. “So how do you all know each other?” I find out that the lady I’m interested in is on a date with Alex, one of the buddies. Their body language tells me that it’s a first date, or at least, that they aren’t very comfortable with each other yet physically. Conversation with her friends continues, and naturally, she joins. She tells me that she recently moved to the Bay Area from New York. I start telling an identity story about the Bay Area to the group. Surprisingly, I’m able to hold all of their attention – large groups can be tough. We all talk and joke around for a while and I can sense that the woman I’m interested in is getting drawn into me. There are signs that she wants to talk to me, but she’s shy.
“You guys should come meet some of my friends.” I motion towards my crew. “We’re out celebrating my roommate’s birthday.” “Maybe we’ll catch up with you later,” said Alex. I believe Alex had begun to feel threatened by me. However, when I left the group, two of the other guys came with me.
I introduced her group of friends to mine. She came along, and joined the group. At this point I was sure she wanted me to say something to her. So, I did. “I love this gold lace in your dress pattern.” I touched her dress material and nodded approvingly. “It works well with the gold jewelry.” “Thank you!” she said. “I’m trying to step up my wardrobe.” She reaches over to a pin on my lapel. “Is that a lion?” “Of course,” I said, then I went into an Identity Story about leadership and how I think it’s important to convey a sense of self with your style, which she said she found fascinating. It opened up endless conversational threads. As we spoke I noticed an open bar stool, so I continued talking to her while leading her to the stool. I sat down with open body language. As I talked, she pressed herself between my legs. At this point, I started seeding like crazy. I told Identity Stories and seeded until she couldn’t take it anymore. She could not withstand the "Stringer Seeding Frenzy." She pulled out her phone and number closed me. Note: More on seeding in the chapter – Seeding: The most efficient way to get a date
Alex, the guy she was on a date with, entered our intimate set and tried to pull her away. He was drunk and sadly attempted the old Hail Mary play to pull her home. He said: “I’m going to get out of here. Did you still want to come back and hang out for a while?” To which she replied, “No thanks. I think I’m going to stay out a little bit longer. Have a great night and get home safe.” Alex exited, dejected and wondering what the hell happened. She was going to go home with him until I arrived. I continued to talk to her about her passions and goals for a long time. It started getting pretty late, and my friends told me that they were going to leave. After she closed out, I lead her out of the venue by the hand. While walking, I caressed her hand with my thumb and she reciprocated. When we got to her car, we made out for a while. I cut it off and told her that she’d better go. We agreed to see each other on Tuesday. She drove off. When I woke up the next morning, I had already received a text from her saying that she can’t wait to hang out soon. Be the exception. ________________________ Help With Creating Your Identity Stories! For this chapter I created a downloadable Cheat Sheet that helps you create your own Identity Stories. Also I added a special exercise to discover your identity. http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 12: Key 3: The Power of Active Disinterest, Otherwise Known as Banter or Flirting "The trick when you're flirting is figuring how to keep a balance between being engaging enough to retain a woman's attention and not seeming overly available. So you tease a person a little. " - Neil Strauss Active disinterest is, by far, the most counterintuitive piece of the attraction and seduction puzzle. Let's take a look and analyze why active disinterest is so important and how they’re used. Every romantic relationship is a story, and every good story has emotional ups and emotional downs. As I mentioned before, if you went to see a movie and nothing bad ever happened, it would be a pretty boring movie – the same would be true for a movie where nothing good happened. The emotional ride makes the story interesting, memorable and fun. These emotional ups and downs happen naturally, whether you understand the principles of attraction and seduction or not. A good female friend of mine was on a date with this guy. The guy was acting smooth – like over the top smooth – and it turned her off, because she knew he was trying to be aloof to seduce her. It wasn't until later in the date, when he accidentally spilled his glass of wine on himself, and fumbled as he tried to recover, that she started thinking she was into him. It was the ride of emotional ups and downs that won her over. As a future master of attraction and seduction, you must learn how these emotional ups and downs work. Active disinterest, otherwise
known as banter and flirting, is a technique that is used to create emotional spikes. Here is an example of active disinterest: Smile and say teasingly: "If you were just one inch taller, you'd be so my type." This spikes an emotion in a playful way: On one hand, you are telling her that she is not your type. So she'll wonder, "Is he hitting on me or not?" Another example: After she teases you, or says something self deprecating, you can say: "Note to self: Don't date this girl." Again, you are actively telling her that you don't want to date her. By doing so you also admit that it was a possibility until now. "You are hired!" when she says something you approve of. "You're so fired." when she challenges you. Your delivery is deadpan with a smirk Why It Works: Even though she's not your employee and you're not her boss, it subtly sets a frame of higher status; you're the boss and you're leading the interaction and get to make these decisions. She’ll know that you're joking around. You've just fired her. That's a playful rejection. She's going to want to work toward reversing that rejection, if she’s sees value in you. If she touches you early in the interaction: "Hey now, hands off the merchandise.” Say it playfully and with a smile.
Why It Works: Because most men are excited to be touched and you're stopping it, so you're the exception to the rule. It also works because it flips the script, turning her into the one hitting on you and makes her the one trying to earn your favor. One more example: When she makes you laugh, you say "Don't get your hopes up. I'm not easy." This sentence has not only a strong frame in which she is portrayed as hitting on you, but again telling her that you are not (yet) interested. Key rules for Active Disinterest, disqualification and flirting: 1.
There’s No One Emotion Involved: Many seduction coaches claim that active disinterest must be playful. I find this to be incredibly limiting. Every emotion and perspective a seducer has should be in his tool belt. Active disinterest could be a bunch of silly remarks or a serious disqualification. What matter is that the technique follows the principle, and it serves to create the intended effect: a temporary barrier that causes an emotional spike. If you insult them the barrier will likely be permanent. If the tease is too light it won’t have any emotional effect. In either case it was done wrong. Find the middle ground, explore your emotions and experiences until you do.
2.
It's Interactive: It isn't a monologue, it's a dialogue. You need to draw her out of her shell and get her involved in the conversation. The more involved she is in the banter, the more she's going to get emotionally-invested in you.
3.
She Must Care: If you want your active disinterest to have an emotional effect, then the other person must care about the person showing the active disinterest. For this reason, you should only start your active disinterest once you’re sure the group is
comfortable with you in conversation. If they’re not comfortable with you and you show disinterest, they’ll just push you away. 4.
It Must Have Context: Active disinterest that comes out of nowhere generally has it opposite effect than the one you want; it shows interest rather than showing disinterest. Practicing active disinterest means paying attention to the conversation that’s at hand and commenting on what’s actually happening.
5.
It's Part of the Plan: We emphasize active disinterest for a reason. It’s necessary. You must manufacture emotional spikes if they don’t come up naturally, which most often they do not. Don’t forget to use it, or skip it because you’re uncomfortable.
6.
Eventually Interest Outweighs Disinterest: Once you’ve reached the connect phase, active interest must out weigh the active disinterest. In other words, you don’t have to stop flirting, but at that point she has to know you’re more interested than not. You have to dissolve those temporary barriers and connect at long last.
These are the principles behind active disinterest, good disqualification, banter and flirting. For the record: What active disinterest, banter and flirting is: it's not an argument nor an insult. You never win an argument, because even if you win, you lose the future of a possible beautiful relationship. And most of the time arguments end with both people still on the side they started on. The barrier that was there when the argument started remains intact. Insults and making fun of other people immediately destroys trust. For this reason, arguments and insults are the least seductive form of communication. Just avoid it. IMPORTANT: Timing your active disinterest:
When should you use active disinterest? When the woman is truly comfortable with you in conversation. If she is uncomfortable with you and you try to show disinterest, she'll become even more uninterested. Conversely, if you build a little bit of social value, and she is invested in the conversation and you show active disinterest, the effect will be significant. It’s also important to note that active disinterest should be contextual. In other words, it should have something to do with what’s actually happening in the interaction. If you tease her, seemingly, out of nowhere, it could come off as awkward or as a demonstration of interest. When using active disinterest make sure there’s context for your comment. • • • • • • • • •
You’re so cool. I’m just going to keep saying that until I convince myself its true. You're a dork. We should find you a guy with the same uniqueness. You're too nice for me. I’m sure there is a ton of guys dying to meet you on Tinder. You’re awesome; you’d be great for my friend. You're cute. You'd make an adorable friend. I’ll tell you when you’re older. Let's take this slow… I don’t want to get hurt. Okay, you girls have taken up enough of my time. I have other friends to entertain. I should let you get back to your friends; they’ll think you’re hitting on me.
So here's the rule: If you're trying to seduce someone, make sure they're comfortable with you before attempting to use active disinterest. Lessons in Action: Active Disinterest "Oh my god, I love your hair so much, can I please touch it," she asks. Her hands frantically dance about in the air as she awaits my reply.
Her friend shares a different point of view, "I think it's ridiculous, you need a haircut." "Okay, one quick touch, but I'm headed back to my friends right now," I tell the girls. “I haven't seen them in years." With my permission, the dancing hands shoot into my hair and with a giant smile on her face she asks, "What's your name?" "I'm Jason, you?" "I'm Lacey." "I'm Mary, and I just want you to know, you look silly. I really think we need to shave your head." Stern voice. Innocent face. Hypnotic cleavage. The low cut shirt she wore was designed to tempt every male eye that crossed its path. It begged us to notice her, fight past her tests, and discover the truth of her nature. Challenge accepted. "Well, this one is trouble. I think I need to stay away from you two." "No, no!" Lacey protests, "You should hang out with us." "Sorry," I reply. "I really do need to go rejoin my friends now. I'll swing by later and say hello to you guys." I have a few beers and catch up with some old comedian friends I used to perform with back in the days I worked the NYC stand up circuit. An hour passes and Mary walks by and greets me, "Hi, Jason!" "Oh, hey Mary, this is my friend Adam. He is a pretty amazing guy. He has to leave in a few minutes because he is meeting Oprah tomorrow
morning." She stares suspiciously so I call her out on it, "Do you think I'm making that up?" She responds, "Honestly, I really don't care." “Did you come over here and say ‘hi’ just so you could be mean again?" "No! I was just on my way to the bathroom." "Ok, well, good seeing you then," I gesture for her to continue on her way. I say goodbye to Adam, who really did need to get up early to meet Oprah, and then ask my buddy Ben to wing for me. I bring him over and introduce him to Lacey. When Mary returns, she begins to barrage me with a bunch more meaningless insults. I let a wounded expression cross my face, as if she had finally cut me too deep. "Wait," she said, looking concerned, "I didn't really mean that." "Stop being cruel to me then. Come here. Give me a hug." "I don't do hugs." "Ok, then give me an embrace." She extended her arms low, "I'll do this." I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. She began patting me on the back – a slow, falsely sympathetic pat. "Don't do that," I instructed. She stopped, and then whispered to me, as if it was a dangerous secret, "I've interlocked my fingers."
"Much better." We sat back down and started talking. She began telling me stories of being in Italy and learning to sing Opera. I started digging into her experiences asking about her favorite roles and characters she has explored. Lacey spots the two of us getting close and interjects, "Sorry buddy, but you have no shot with her." "What are you talking about?" "You can try all you want, but seriously, you have no shot getting her in bed with you." "Are you suggesting I'm trying to have sex with your friend? We were just talking about how she studied Opera in Italy, and I found it really fascinating." "Yea, well, obviously she is very beautiful, but you have no shot." "Look, I don't know why you are suddenly accusing me of trying to take her home, but that's not my intention. Sure, I admit she is a very beautiful woman, but I think it's important to appreciate someone for more than just their looks alone. But, if you’re letting me know you don't think I'm handsome enough or charming enough to talk to her, then okay, I guess I could just leave." "No, sorry, I was just kidding. I wasn't saying you aren't handsome or charming. I was joking. Relax. That was really amazing what you said about valuing women for more than just their looks. It's just, not many guys are like that. You must not have always been that way; what changed?"
I began talking about my life, the various changes I'd been through, and how I now teach men how to best present themselves to romantically connect with the women they desire. She shared her own romantic ideas about how a woman should be wooed, "All you need to do is tell the girl that you like her. That's all we really want." "I think it's a bit more complicated than that." "No, it's not. That's all you need to do." Mary was scrolling through some texts on her phone, and I tap her on the shoulder. She turns and looks at me. In as a genuine voice as I could muster, I said, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know, I really do like you." Her eyes light up and she asks, "Can I buy you a beer?" I set out to make the point that winning over a woman is more than just conveying interest; what I forgot was that conveying interest was the exact right next move to do with Mary. I'd accidentally timed it perfectly. The results were a free Guinness and a once again furious Lacey. "You're too smooth! You came over here. You talked to me just long enough to make me comfortable. Then you start hitting on my friend. Oh man, aren't you clever!" "Listen, I don't know why things keep getting weird. Thank you so much for the drink, Mary," I down a few gulps and continue, "I really think everyone got the wrong idea about me. You're both really cool, but just to prove that I don't have any ulterior motives, here's what I'm going to do: After I finish this beer, I'm going to walk out of here. I'm not going to ask for either of your numbers. Neither of you will ever see or hear from me again. Then you will know I was never up to anything malicious."
My wing Ben reengages Lacey. He saw things getting crazy and wanted to help calm it down. Mary positioned herself directly in front of me, inches away from my face, "If you just left like that, it would really be a shame." I didn't say a word. I just looked back into her eyes and let the tension build. When she could no longer take it, she lunged in for the kiss and began making out with me. ________________________ Tips For Active Disinterest On Audio Listen to Neil Strauss' tips and advice on how to use active disinterest successfully in the field (2 hour audio). http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 13: Step #3: The Most Powerful Way to Connect With a Woman "It is wonderful to have someone praise you, to be desired." - Marilyn Monroe
Have you ever received a compliment that really hit you hard, something that made you excited, something that you really appreciated hearing? That's the kind of compliment we want to learn to give – a compliment that is authentic, moving and specific. This step – of giving compliments – is just as necessary as the previous step of using active disinterest. The two, active disinterest and active interest (compliments), balance each other out, creating negative and positive emotional spikes. They help move the story that is your seduction forward. They give it energy. In any romantic experience, the active disinterest has to outweigh the active interest, until the woman shows interest in you. Once you're sure
she is interested in you, then it's time to flip the scale: active interest should then outweigh active disinterest. The Three Connection Pitfalls Forgetting to compliment One pitfall many men run into when they're trying to learn to master the art of attraction and seduction is forgetting to compliment the woman. Forgetting to compliment a woman once she is interested in you can make you seem uninterested, and sometimes a little cold. It can also make you seem like you’re only into her for her looks. Complimenting too early As I’ve mentioned a number of times in this book: seduction is about timing, not speed. Guys often rush to compliment a woman when they’re attempting a seduction. They’ll approach saying something like, “I saw you from across the room and thought you were beautiful, I would have been kicking myself all day if I didn’t come over and say ‘hello.’” It sounds smooth, but is it effective? Not likely. Here’s the deal: You have to have interest before you show interest. Most guys don’t have interest when they approach. The guys that do are either: 1. Very physically attractive to the woman they’re approaching. 2. Known by the woman for some sort of attractive reputation. If you know one of these two things are true, then you have value and can approach with a compliment. That said, you don’t lose anything by approaching with a neutral opener, and taking the time to make sure your assumption is correct, and learn something about her before you compliment her.
A badly timed compliment can come off as needy, desperate and untrue. Many women are used to having guys approach them with compliments, or compliment them before they’re interested. It doesn’t stand out, and it suggests you’re attracted to only what you see, because you haven’t spent the time to get to know them yet – which brings me to the next pitfall… Meaningless Compliments Your compliments need to move her. They need to have an emotional effect. A compliment with no emotional effect is pointless. Students of seduction should stay away from compliments based on physical appearance. This is the most common type of compliment women will get. You might be saying, “You have beautiful eyes,” and you might even mean it, the problem is that she’s only hearing, “I want to get you into bed.” This is because, most guys compliment women on their looks before knowing anything about them. It makes the compliments valueless, irritating even. That’s why we’re going to learn to talk, listen, and compliment in an authentic way that creates real connection and has emotional weight. So, how do you do it the right way? Here's how: Give the compliments some depth. Don't compliment her on something without reason. Make sure the compliment itself has some specific meaning to you. This makes the compliment more than just surface level; it makes it personal and gives it more of an emotional impact. So, start with a quality you like about them, and let them know what it is.
• • •
Examples: I like how adventurous you are... I like how well read you are... I like your sense of style...
•
I like how well travelled you are...
Think about what that quality means to you, and why you like it. Here's a simple compliment script you can use to flesh out your compliments: "I really enjoy how [trait] you are. It's important to me because [reason]. Whenever I meet someone who is [trait], it's like a breath of fresh air. Thanks for being awesome." In this story traits can be anything from well-traveled, stylish, wellread, intelligent, quick-witted, badass, it's up to you. Other Examples: •
•
I like how adventurous you are. I try to live my life like a storybook; taking risks and exploring the world, and when I meet someone else who feels the same it's really exciting for me. I really like your sense of style. To me, fashion is an extension of your identity, when you meet someone with a unique style it says a lot about that person. It’s almost a sign that the conversation is going to be just as interesting. So far, it seems to be true. Compliment more than once.
Don't just give one compliment. In fact, once you know that she is attracted and interested in you, sprinkle a few compliments into the conversation. Just remember not to give them all at once. When I coach Stylelife bootcamps, I always suggest telling a woman three non-physical things you like about her. Why non-physical? Because you are still strangers, and physical compliments often come off as sexual. In addition, pointing out physical features to her will
communicate subliminally that you are only looking at her body, which is what most guys do, and I want you to be the exception. Here’s a game you can play to keep you complimenting successfully: When you're in a group with a woman you're interested in, try to count out three non-physical traits they have that are attractive to you. Then tell her what those qualities are. You only score a point if you can think of a non-physical trait and you let them know you know that it’s a great quality. The goal is to earn three points. This game will help you pay attention to details when it comes to their stories and mannerisms, and it will remind you to let them know you're interested. Practicing Connection As I said earlier, if you know she’s interested in you before you approach, you could potentially start with a compliment. However, it’s not good to practice this way. If you approach with a compliment, then you’re assuming she’s either physically attracted to you or knows who you are for some sort of attractive reputation. Don’t assume this when you’re practicing. Always practice as though she’s not physically attracted to you, and doesn’t know who you are. When you’re in conversation, and you’ll find out for sure – it’ll be a bonus, and the speed of your seduction will increase. ________________________ The Downloadable Compliment Cheat Sheet Download the Cheat Sheet "How to Compliment a Woman" and start practicing how to truly appreciate her as a person. http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 14: Step #4: How to Get Her Number, Set Up a Date and Beyond "Success depends upon previous preparation, and without such preparation there is sure to be failure." - Confucius
Over the years I've met a lot of men, but very few of them were able to walk into a bar and approach the women they were interested in. These exceptional men were fun to be around and got a lot of numbers from very attractive women. However, a few days later when they called or texted those women, they didn't respond or the dates would inevitably fall through. Which meant almost no man could date the women they actually wanted to date. Interestingly, almost all men were able to set up meetings in their jobs with people in any industry, and those meetings always happened and the dates never flaked.
Why? What is the difference between the two meetings? And is there an effective and proven way to set up a date with a woman that she is looking forward to and would never flake on? When I started to learn about attraction and seduction, I was curious and determined to find a method that works. So, I searched high and low for strategies for closing meetings, getting phone numbers and setting up dates. I must have tried a dozen or so, with varying amounts of success. The answer finally came when I moved out to Los Angeles. I was living with Neil Strauss for a few months, and while I was there he taught me a technique called, "Seeding a Date." No joke – seeding was the answer to how to set up a date. I've been using it (and teaching it) ever since. Seeding is all about "planting a seed" in a person’s mind about a cool event that is happening, venue to check out, a new restaurant, a new band or a concert. The key is to bring it up in the conversation without inviting her – at least initially. It's really a simple change up in the pattern of how we normally try to set up meetings and dates that makes all the difference. Now, before I get into the meat of it, I want to explain something: I'm going to teach you the proper way to seed a date, but it's going to take some time to work all the kinks out of your ability to perform this technique. However, if you can just remember this one lesson you're pretty much doing it right. There is one big mistake that most men make. The result is that she either won't give out her number, or if she volunteers her digits she won’t answer the phone or she won’t show up to the date. The Solution: Set up the date and then get the number. Don't try and get her phone number and then set up the date, like every other guy.
That's it. Why is this a better strategy? Because if you set up the date first then she has a reason to give you her number. In addition, setting up the date before asking for her phone number lets you know if this woman is interested in meeting up; if she is not interested she'll ignore the request or simply say she is busy, in which case you have to go back to building attraction and value. That all said, here are the finer details: The Seven Steps to Seeding a Date 1. Field research: Find a few place you'd enjoy taking a date: This happens before you go out to meet women. After all, if you want to take a woman on a date, you should know a cool place to check out with her. The more you know about what's happening in your city – from art festivals, to cooking classes or wine tastings – the more social, hip and worldly you will appear. Do your research, then get out there and explore. Exploration can be its own fun adventure. Bring friends; the side effect is that if you were the kind of person that didn’t get out much, your friends will begin to see you also in a new light. The places can be anywhere from a cocktail lounge to a park that you think you’d enjoy visiting. In the end, what’s going to matter is that the place has special meaning to you. In other words, it has to reflect some part of your identity. After a night of exploration, ask yourself a few questions: • • •
What did I like about the place I visited? Are there any stories I can tell about the place itself? Was there anything about the place that triggered a memory or sparked an idea?
The answers to these questions will help you when you start recommending locations and setting up dates. 2. Plant the Seed by Recommending a Location: Once you've met a woman you're interested in going out with, give them a recommendation to one of the places you'd like, but here's the catch: Don't invite her to go there with you. All I want you to do is recommend the place, and I want you to do it early on in the conversation. Make sure you really sell it: 1) tell her what's special about this venue, and 2) what the place means to you, what you love about it, and why she needs to check it out. 3. Wait to Invite: After you recommend the place, just keep talking. Tell stories, be entertaining, flirt, tease – just keep the conversation going. 4. Invite Her: So, you've recommended a great place without inviting her. Then you kept the conversation going, being as conversationally attractive as you could. If she's giving you signs of comfort and interest, it's time to invite her out. The key to setting up the date is to be specific: pick a date and place. Say something like this, "Hey, this Thursday I'm headed over to that [fill in the blanks with what you had recommended earlier] I was telling you about, you should come along. I think you'd really enjoy it." 5. Agree or Disagree: At this point, she's going to do one of three things:
a. She can reject your proposal by saying something like, "I'm busy" or "I'm working that night". If this happens, then she's not into you, and you're going to have to go back and work on being more conversationally attractive. b. She’ll accept by saying something like, "Sure" or "Yeah, that sounds great". If this happens, move on to step 6. c. She'll reschedule by saying something like, "I'm working that night, but I'm free Friday." This is a good thing – people will go out of their way to hang out with people they're interested in, and you've just proven to yourself that you're interesting to her. The only problem that pops up here is that she might pick a day that you're not free. Don't worry about it; just work it out to find a day that you're both available. 6. Exchanging Numbers: Now that she's agreed to go on a date with you, and you have the date and place picked say, "Great, lets exchange information, and I'll text you the night before with the details." Give her your number and get hers. 7. Stick Around: Once she gives you her number, don't just leave. You don't want it to feel like the whole reason you were there was to get her phone number. Hang out, keep the conversation going, leave when it comes to a natural end, and contact her like you said you would in the previous step. 8. Text her when you said you would The next step is pretty simple. If you were going to text her the night before your planned date with the details then, do exactly that.
The text should be simple, it should have the address and the information about how you’re getting there. For example:
"Tomorrow night, here’s the address: [name of place, address]. I’ll meet you there around at 8pm."
"Tomorrow afternoon, here’s the address: [name of place, address]. We’ll meet at my place and carpool over."
"Tomorrow afternoon, here’s the address: [name of place, address]. The closest subway stop is West 4th street."
And that's it! The goal at first should be to always try and set up the date before going for the number. Pay attention to how she reacts when you ask her to join you. If she’s not showing much interest, then you most likely have to work on building attraction. Learning to seed a date is the most important technique I’ve ever learned for getting a phone number. I promise you that if you start using it you’ll start to see changes in your ability to get solid dates with women you’re interested in. In the next chapters we'll dive into what to do when you are on the date and beyond. Good luck. ________________________ Got A Date? Now What? Here's The Plan! Congrats on getting a date! So that everything goes smoothly, I created a few things for you that will help you to strategize and prepare the date. Download it here: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 15: Texting and Phone Calls Before The First Date "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." - Leonardo da Vinci As you learned in the last chapter, you can reduce women flaking on you by seeding a date. The better you get at it the less likely it is that a woman will not respond to you or stand you up. That said, do you text or call a woman once you have her phone number? The good news is that if you've seeded a date, you've done almost all of the heavy lifting already. Here are my simple rules for texting and calling after you seeded your date: Rule #1: Use the phone for logistics, not flirting, not joking, not sending pictures, asking for pictures, or anything else. You want to build your emotional connections in person, not over the phone. Text flirting comes later, once you have built a solid foundation of rapport, trust and inside jokes. So once you've set up the date or received the phone number, you'll simply send her a text or call her the day before the meet-up and figure out how you're getting there, the address of your meeting, and anything else they'd need to know to make getting there easier. Rule #2: If you forgot to seed the meet-up, still use texts and calls for logistics. Always keep in mind that the best way to establish a true emotional connection is in person. If there is no connection, trust and rapport yet, your texts may come off as annoying. Any text you send or phone call you make should be focused on inviting them to meet-up at the location you've seeded before.
Here's an example: "This Thursday, I'm headed to this great bar with a few friends, thought you might enjoy the venue. Let me know if you're interested, and I'll send you the details." Some more ideas about places to invite them: • • •
Find a place they'll truly enjoy or find interesting. Find a place that you'll be comfortable enough to carry on a good conversation. Try to find a place that's outside the ordinary, a place they haven't been before. Now, what happens if you seeded a date and they flake?
Well you have to remember, people have lives, and no matter how good you get at the art of attraction and seduction, you never know what can happen in another person's life. Okay, so let's say you set up a date, and over the week she sends you a bunch of texts. How do you respond? First, it depends on what she says, but your goal is to build a connection in person, which means as little texting as possible. If it's a flirty text, or someone recalling the events of the night you met her, I suggest a very short response. Acknowledge them, but don't have a conversation. Save it for the date. If it's a no-nonsense text – meaning she’s contacting you about logistics, work, or something important – reply by text or call her to discuss it.
________________________ Texting Tips With Examples! You have her number and know what to do. Yet, you would like some more tips and see some examples, which you can download for this chapter here: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 16: How To Tell If A Woman Likes You When I was younger, one of the hardest things for me to see was when a woman was attracted to me. Let me tell you a story… It was 4th of July and I was seventeen years old. I was hanging out with two girls, which was about 50% of the total number of women I knew back then. In addition, they were openly bisexual. I’m not exactly sure how I got them to visit me, but I did. We went to the beach to watch the fireworks and laid out the blankets. They laid next to me, each cuddling an opposite side of my skinny goth-kid body. It made me so nervous that the second the fireworks went off, I rolled them off stood up and began the walk home. They teased and touched me the whole way home. When we finally arrived at the house, they ran up to my bedroom, and jumped on my very classy waterbed. They pulled me onto it and shut off the lights, taking turns wrestling with me. I was so confused that I stood up and flicked on the lights, and voiced my confusion: "Why’d you guys shut the lights off?" And then? This is where the night came to an end. It was only in retrospect that I realized that I’d had an opportunity to lose my virginity in a threesome and I botched it. Something like this may have happened to you already, but if not, then hopefully I can help you prevent it, by helping you understand the signs that women show when they’re attracted. Here’s the #1 rule of indicators of interest: Don’t rely on just one indicator to let you know if she’s interested; look for at minimum three signs.
As you get more practice and your awareness grows you’ll start to see that the indicators have their own weight; sometimes you really only need one and sometimes you need quite a few. But for now, always look for three. The #2 rule: Don’t make indicators up; look for legitimate ones and be confident that they have meaning. For example: “I think she looked at me from across the room,” is not a legit indicator, but if she beckoned you with her eyes and you’re sure of it, that would count. If you only think she did, then don’t count it. I’ve laid out a few signs to look for that can indicate that a woman is interested in you. Remember, most of the time just one of these doesn’t mean she’s attracted to you – so look for a combination of the following: She is hanging out with you If you went on a date with you, it’s an indicator of interest. I’m not saying she’s going to sleep with you, but be confident that if she’s on a date with you, that was her choice. She could have said, "No," or flaked, but she didn’t. Well done! She is touching you This can be confusing for many guys, as it was for me in my previous story. Some girls touch because they’re kinesthetic people and some touch when they’re attracted. Just think of it this way, if she continues to increase the amount of touching she does since she first became comfortable around you, then it’s very likely an indicator of interest. She compliments you Compliments come in many forms. They’re all indicators of interest. Don’t tease them about the compliment and don’t self-deprecate. Take the compliment graciously. A simple, "Thanks, I really appreciate that,"
can go a long way. If you want, use the compliment she gave you to bridge into an identity story. Body language This is probably the hardest to decipher, and there are lessons on top of lessons about different ways that body language can convey interest. Right now, I’m just going to give you a simple tip. If you’re at a bar and you meet a girl, start telling a story. In the middle, stop and say, "Hey, I want to grab a drink, come with me for a moment and I’ll finish the story." If she says, "Yes" then she’s interested and keeping conversation going and possibly attracted to you. If she says "no" and decides to stay with her friends, then you have more work to do. Now the question is: what do I do once I have three indicators of interest? It’s pretty simple. You show her that you’re interested in her too, and that’s exactly what we’ll get into in the next chapter. The Friend Zone Friend zone can feel like a form of rejection, and rejection feels awful. You want to have a romantic relationship with someone, but that person isn’t interested and wants to be "just friends." I’ve been there, I’ve felt it, I understand. Personally, I don’t like the term friend zone. It describes feelings of rejection, neglect and frustration that definitely exist, and so I covered it in the book, but I would like to take a moment to explain how the words themselves hurt the connection between one person and another. I’ve met plenty of sad and frustrated guys who’ve said, “…then I wasted a year in friend zone.” They’ll suggest “moving on” and rejecting the friendship because the romance didn’t happen.
If someone suggests that time spent in friend zone is wasted, then they’re suggesting that time spent with the other person doing nonromantic activities isn’t valuable. They’re suggesting that the point of the interaction was love or sex and to “only be friends” is a bad thing. Yes, the feeling of rejection sucks, but having a new friend should be a reward in itself. Friends, both male and female, who are awesome, will make you a more interesting and attractive person. More women will come into your life because the group of friends you have is large, and full of life. I also meet guys who felt angry and entitled, the ones who think that the woman did something wrong by not reciprocating their feelings. If your desire to get out of friend zone is based on the feeling of anger or that you are entitled, and you have hostility towards her for not returning the feeling, then you need to change your attitude. No one is obligated to return romantic or sexual interest; Understanding that you’re not entitled to any reciprocation, and learning to empathize with people and cherish new friendships when they’re not interested in you romantically will in the end help you to become a better person and seducer. You’ll have more friends, more understanding, and in the end, you’ll be a more interesting person. Rejection sucks, but the friend zone is not, in fact, a bad place. How to avoid the friend zone from the start To avoid the friend zone you have to have attraction, and then use that attraction to take a bold romantic step forward when the opportunity arises. The guys who ended up in friend zone generally had bad timing. As I’ve mentioned before, seduction is about timing, not speed. If you’re
impatient, she’ll become uncomfortable and you will fail. If you’re too hesitant she’ll start to lose the spark of attraction, and begin to see you as a friend. What this means is – when you’re in a position where you feel like you should take a bold romantic step forward, you’re better off taking the risk and going for it rather than hesitating. At least she’ll know your intentions, and let you know how she feels about you, and you won’t be stuck orbiting her in an endless cycle of stress, confusion, and desire, wondering if she’s into you or not. Once you're in the friend zone, any move or declaration of love won’t likely make a difference. That's mostly how you find out you're in the friend zone in the first place. Getting out of the Friend Zone Getting out of the friend zone requires you to disappear and come back a new man. The picture she painted of you and your identity that she decided would make a better friend than lover is stuck. Fortunately, we aren’t stuck with it. The best way to get out of friend zone, is to disappear from her life for a while and spend the time working on yourself. Then come back – new look, new style, new attitude, and a lot more practice. The goal is to be noticeably better than before. Suddenly, you become a slightly mysterious stranger that she used to know so well. Why does this work? Because you need time to change and improve, you need time to let the guy who became a friend fade in her mind a little, so that eventually you can return with a stronger version of your authentic identity.
During this time away you should be working on making positive changes to yourself – have some adventures, get some practice, and improve yourself, so you can come back a new man. . If you’re planning on going down this road, and the feeling of rejection is that painful, maybe take some time to meet other people, while you continue to improve yourself. You may find that there are other ways to heal your wounded ego other than the pursuit of the particular person. To avoid the friend zone practice, practice, practice. If you really want to avoid the friend zone then be sure to work on the fundamental principles of seduction in an attempt create an exciting romantic encounter. Effectively creating a romantic relationship instead of a platonic one is just a matter of utilizing a lot of the same skills you’ve already learned. Open, Attract, Connect, Seduce – in that order. ________________________ Do You Understand Her Body Language? Many times when two people interact their body language tells how they feel about each other. Which is why I have prepared "Signs of Female Attraction" for you here: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 17: Passive Value Generators That Amplify Your Attractiveness "It is your work in life that is the ultimate seduction." - Pablo Picasso There are four traits that you can always improve that will continue to benefit you as a master of attraction and seduction. Two of them are conversational, and we've already covered the process for improving them: Key 1: Knowledge Based Value Generators (Chapter: Never Run Out Of Things To Say) Key 2: Wisdom-Based Value Generators (Chapter: Be Interesting and Stay Authentic: The "Identity Storytelling" Technique) The other two traits we'll call "passive value generators". It's passive because it works like passive income, or passive powers (if you're a gamer). Passive value generators are traits that you work on over time, but you don't have to actively use when you're talking to someone. They just bring you value. The two passive value generators are: Appearance: What the people you're talking to think about you as a result of your physical appearance, grooming, and style. Reputation: What the people you're talking to think they know about you. This includes your social circle, your wealth, your authority and power, and popularity, friends, family, and reputation.
Even though it seems easy, interestingly, one of the most difficult changes I've had to ask my students to make were ones that had to do with appearance. Suggesting they try on a pair of pants, shirt or jacket was met with hesitation instead of eagerness to improve. Some guys don't feel confident enough to wear something different than what they are used to, while others don't want to spend money on clothes. Appearance is important. Even if you go for a grungy look, it has to have style. Women pay attention to those things. And your clothes say a lot about you than you think. Clothes offer you a way to strategically express yourself. Work on your hygiene. Even if you are already super shaven and clean, we can all improve the ways we take care of our bodies. This means dealing with body hair, skin problems, odor, and general cleanliness. • • •
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Brush and floss your teeth to avoid any bad breath – it's a complete turn-off when kissing. Keep them as white as you can. See what you can do about fixing any problems with your skin. Keep your body hair groomed – I'm not just talking about beards and moustaches; I'm talking about eyebrows, chest, back, and genitals. Experiment with your hair. (If your job allows for that.) Wear deodorant, and possibly – very little – cologne.
Work on your voice. You're going to be using it all the time if you're learning the art of attraction and seduction. A vocal coach can not only help you fixing any problems you might have with your voice but also learn how to project a deep, strong voice in a loud environment. One of our coaches is a voice speech pathologist and works with our students on fixing many vocal problems that they didn't even know they
had. If you've been quiet your whole life or have felt insecure about your voice, it's probably worth a trip to one of these pathologists to see if it's a medical condition or something that can be worked out through therapy. Work on developing your own style. When women meet you, they will automatically make assumptions about you based on your appearance and your style. They don't have a choice; humans need to categorize things. If I tell you about a friend of mine who wears all black, has tattoos, and rides a motorcycle, you create a person in your head, even though you've never met my friend. Here are a few general tips for improving your own style: • •
• • •
• •
Wear clothes that fit your body shape perfectly; not over-sized bags that are comfortable. Wear clothes that compliment your skin complexion. Different colors work for different skin types. Find out which colors make you look best. Wear accessories and clothes that express something about you. Hat, belt, shoes, shirts all communicate who you are. Wear one thing that's interesting – a conversation piece. Don't wear too many accessories. Even though it will spark conversation, it also will make you look like a Christmas tree. And which woman wants to date a tree? (This can vary based on what look you're going for.) Don't wear sandals anywhere that's not the beach or the bathroom. Stand out. If you're dressed just like all of your friends, it communicates that you are just like them. Should she date you or them? Be the exception.
If you're not happy with your current style, here are a few questions you can ask yourself to help you improve your style: •
What are you wearing when you leave the house?
• • • • •
What do these clothes say about you? What do other people (friends and family) think about your style? How would you like to dress? What impression would like to make on a woman you just met? What kind of clothes give off that impression?
Work on your health and your body. The better you can make yourself look, the more people will trust you. That sounds crazy and shallow, but it's scientifically accurate. It's important to work on your physical self. You'll have more energy and become more confident. Getting physically fit is also a matter of consistency. Can you keep yourself on a healthy diet? Can you keep yourself on a regular work out regime? If you can, then you can become more fit. Masculinity and Attraction One question that students often have for me is, “How do I become more of an alpha male?” Which really means, “How do I act more like what I’ve been heard or taught it means to be a man?” Here’s the thing: History is full of seducers that fell on the feminine and masculine end of the spectrum, and everywhere in-between. As you’ve read in previous chapters - there is no single identity that is seductive to everyone. To master the art of attraction and seduction, you must find the correct balance of masculinity and femininity that is required to seduce the person or people you are interacting with. For example, if you’re a naturally big masculine looking guy, include some identity stories that add some femininity to your identity. If you’re a feminine looking guy, play it up, add some flare to your wardrobe. This will keep you under the radar. Then through words and actions show the people a more masculine side. There are an infinite
number of ways to play up masculinity and femininity, experiment and see what works for your seductions. Is There One True Key to Becoming the Most Interesting Guy in the World? The answer is adaptation. Explore yourself and adapt to your world. Great seducers never stop learning; they push themselves to explore more and more of the world. Each adventure they have leads to another. It leads you to a deeper understanding of their reality. They know that the more people they meet and the deeper they look within themselves the greater the seducers they'll become. Use your adventures to improve yourself. Spend time expanding your knowledge of all things you come into contact with, and reflecting upon how those things effect and change you. You'll find the more you know about yourself, the more you'll know about the world, and vice versa. If you stick to this idea of pushing yourself to explore, you will undoubtedly be the most interesting guy in any room. ________________________ Cool And Awesome! Help To Create Your OWN Style To help you even more I have put together a "Personal Fashion Book" that you can download here: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 18: Dating With Care and Empathy "I don't conquer, I submit." - Giacomo Casanova
Personal growth is about becoming the best person you can possibly be, but change doesn’t occur in a vacuum. There are people around you, people with feelings, opinions, thoughts, and goals of their own. Achieving your goals does not mean that you can be a self-serving shark, cold and mindless of no one but yourself. It means you follow your dreams and improve yourself to become the man you strive to be. At the same time, while taking other people’s opinions into account, no one should be ashamed of any efforts to improve, grow, and change their lives. No one should prevent you from making you dream a reality. If you want to learn how to attract your preferred romantic or sexual partners, you must start doing things that are attractive to them. These include being more interesting, confident, humorous, self-aware, emphatic, authentic, positive, well-rounded, and spiritual. Ultimately, to form relationships with others more successfully, you have to become a better person. Though the principles of attraction and seduction are inherently nonsexual, they can be used romantically. After years of teaching this material I’ve found it’s necessary to share this – many people are unaware of what exactly consent is. For this reason, I want to include this very important section:
The 7 Rules of Care and Empathy Consent is when every person feels safe and comfortable in any – including sexual – scenario and wishes to do the same thing and let the other person or people know. Rule 1: Only an enthusiastic yes means yes. Everything else is no. Consent means hearing the word "yes". Silence isn’t consent. "Maybe" isn’t consent. "I guess so" isn’t consent and if you hear no, you stop whatever you are doing. Rule 2: Talk about it. Don’t make assumptions about what someone is comfortable with in general or sexually. It’s up to both of you to learn each other's limits. That’s why you ask questions like "Do you feel comfortable moving to the next level?" Trust is key. Never assume you have a yes; it’s not up to the other person to say "no"; it’s up to you to listen for the "yes". Rule 3: Permission is non-negotiable. Nothing you’ve already done gives you permission to do the next thing. You’re kissing like mad; she’s totally into it; that must mean it’s okay to get your hand under her shirt. Wrong. You’ve got your clothes off and you’re all over each other; that must mean it’s okay to have intercourse. Wrong. The truth is that, unless you’re involved in a regular relationship and have already worked out a set of rules, every time you go to a new "level" you’ve got to get consent. Some people might say, "That's not romantic. That totally breaks the flow." It depends on how you do it and how you bring it up. By both of you knowing you’re doing and what you want, there’ll be much more sexual
energy than if one person is getting off and the other is bored, uncomfortable, or scared. Rule 4: No one can’t give consent if they are drunk or stoned. If a person is too intoxicated to know what they are doing then they can’t give consent. Rule 5: "No" means stop. If a person decides in the middle of an intimate moment that they don’t want to continue all previous yes’s are null and void. Whatever you were doing comes to an end, until you’re both consenting again. Rule 6: Date with empathy. Every approach, every sexual encounter, every romance you are in, do your best to ensure that the person not only doesn’t regret the experience but that it enriches their lives and is better off for having had it. Rule 7: Be safe and compassionate: Safe sex is mandatory. However, there is no such thing as safe love. It is a risk of the heart. But it is well worth the reward. ________________________ Making A Great Authentic Impression What do women think about men learning seduction? Emma surveyed women and Neil Strauss created a great post on "The Game Bill of Rights". Plus you can download the Cheat Sheet "Making a Great Impression" for this chapter. http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 19: The First Kiss and the "Romantic Window" Technique In romantic encounters, going for the kiss is a big moment. Most guys feel like it’s the riskiest move next to actually making the approach, because they don't know if she is ready to be kissed. You’re putting yourself on the line hoping that you’ve done everything right up to this moment. How do you make sure your potential partner is going to want to kiss you back? The "Go for it" Checklist: Start with finding a location where you both feel comfortable. This is tricky, because depending on who you’re with it could be anywhere. The best thing to do is look at what’s happened so far, and decide where the woman you’re with might be comfortable. Try not to be in a bottlenecked portion of a bar, where lots of people are pushing through. Find somewhere comfortable for the two of you. Next, if you’re going for the kiss, run through this checklist in your head: 1. Did your potential partner show interest in you? o If no, then keep working on building value until you receive indication that they’re interested. 2. Did you remember to compliment her about something once she showed interest? o If no, then find something to compliment her on – refer to the chapter on connection. 3. Are you somewhere comfortable? o If no, then find a place. You may have to change venues to do this. If you answered yes to the above questions, then there’s a good chance that going for the kiss will work out for the two of you. Go for it, but in the right way.
Heightening the Moment and Dissolving Kiss Anxiety Every relationship is a story, and every story has its high points and its low points. The first kiss should be one of the major high points of your seductive story. When you go for the kiss, try saying or doing something that will heighten the moment. At the last attraction and seduction boot camp I taught in DC, we had a student who approached a girl he was interested in and within a twentyminute period, he was making out with her on the dance floor. I asked him what it was that let him know it was time to go for the kiss, and he told us that the most important moment was right before the kiss. He said something to her while they were dancing. He said, "You’re an amazing person. I have to do this or I’ll feel stupid for not trying." Then he went for the kiss. What I loved about this was that he could have just gone for it. The words he said were not what made her want to kiss him. He had made himself attractive by being a great conversationalist, by providing value, and helping her to have a great time. The words he said helped make the moment more memorable – something both of them will remember. It’s more than a kiss; it’s a moment of romance. In addition, saying those words meant he couldn’t turn back. Once he said them, he had to go for the kiss; they helped him get over a moment of anxiety that normally would have held him back. Going for the kiss is a risk, it’s going to show you exactly how seductive you think you are, this frightens a lot of guys; frightens them so much, that they never go for the kiss, and they fail to experience what could have been. Kiss-Amplification-Technique: The technique is pretty simple but extremely effective: Before you’re going to go for the kiss – say something bold. Make it romantic and exciting, even sexual. It will help
give you the confidence to go for the kiss and will hopefully create a memorable and romantic moment for the two of you. The "Romantic Window" Technique This technique will take your seduction from platonic to romantic. It will lower your anxiety and it will spice up your seductions with romance. I want to teach you today how to create a moment that she can brag about to her friends – something romantic that shows her how awesome she is and proves to her how awesome you are. Step 1. Seeding for the Kiss Seeding is a technique where a specific topic/venue is brought up but not acted upon until a later part in conversation. The reason we seed is to introduce an idea before asking them to act on it, so that later when we ask them to act on it, they have actually thought about it and want to move forward with it (or not – then you have to back off). For example, you can seed a date by bringing up a venue that you'd be interested in visiting with your potential date. You tell a story about the place while you're building attraction, but don't invite her. Then you continue on with your seduction. When you feel like she's attracted and you're ready to ask her out, you bring that place up again and ask her if she'd like to accompany you. You can seed a personality exercise like "The Cube", which is generally done in isolation, by using the skydiving or the ring finger routine early in the interaction and motioning that there's another routine that's much more in-depth and serious, but you'd need a quieter place to play. Then once you feel like it's appropriate timing to isolate you say,
"the couch opened up, let's sit down and I'll show you that psychology exercise I mentioned before." IMPORTANT: For this technique, the seed will happen after we've built attraction, when we're showing her interest (the connect phase). Step 2. How to Qualify Properly For starters, look for three non-physical traits that you actually like about the girl you're interested in. After you've built attraction through Identity Storytelling, Demonstrations of Value, and Disqualification and have received the appropriate amount of Indicators of Interest – it's time to let her know that you appreciate these three qualities. This requires: 1. 2.
3.
That you name the quality. Example: "You know, I really appreciate how adventurous you are." That you tell them why the quality is important to you personally. Example: "I try to live life like I'm in a storybook – taking chances and doing the unexpected. Meeting someone with a similar quality is a breath of fresh air." You end the qualifier with a specific ending. Example: "I really appreciate that. Thanks for being awesome."
Tips: These are not done in rapid-fire succession. They are done throughout the seduction, but more regularly before the first kiss and always after you've built some attraction. In addition to non-physical qualities, you can also hint at something they aspire to be, or aspire to obtain in the future, or in some sort of untapped potential you see in them. Sometimes you can choose a physical quality, but it has to be unique and be supported by a very specific identity story. Step 3. The ABC of the "First Kiss"
a) A great kiss generally needs a conducive environment. This could be anywhere, and generally depends on the seduction. Yeah, sure, sometimes a great kiss can happen in the middle of a mosh pit. But here are a few common areas for those of you who are still learning the basics:
On a couch alone with her.
On a couch or chair with other people, if she's showing an exceptional amount of interest – leaning or sitting on you.
At a table together when you're next to each other.
At your place, her place or a private room somewhere.
b) Choose one of the three qualities you liked about her and told her about using the previous seeding method. c) Let her quality be the attractor. Example: "That adventurous nature of yours is way too attractive. Don't you think that if we don't kiss right now we're going to be missing out on one of the biggest parts of this story?" Pause, look into her eyes and wait for her to say 'yes', lean in to kiss you, or just pull you closer. Once again, pause, and gauge her response. Your job is to make her want to kiss you. And if she wants to, she will let you know. The key mistake guys make is rushing to the finish line. The kind of seduction that will drive a woman wild with desire is when she wants something but doesn't have it yet. So be the prize, and play with this physical tension rather than being in a rush to resolve it. What happens if I time everything wrong and she’s not interested in kissing me?
Imagine you've met a woman you’re attracted to, and you've followed the step-by-step seductive method: You start a conversation with an opinion opener (like the Drunk-I-Love-You Opener), then you build value with some active disinterest and a few identity stories. She gives you some indicators that she's interested, so you let her know you're interested too. Now you need to close. So you decide to go in for a kiss, but there's a problem. As you lean in for the kiss, she turns her head… and you feel rejected. What to do now that you've missed the kiss, and ended up with a mouthful of cheek? In this case, it's not about what you should do; rather, it's about what you shouldn’t do:
Don't say something cheesy like, "Well, I didn't say you could kiss me." She just denied you a kiss; don't you think she knows you wanted to kiss her?
Don't completely change your attitude. Imagine how that looks to her. What do you think she assumes about someone who starts acting mopey or awkward because they didn't get to make-out?
Don't give up on her. Just take a step back and realize you probably misread an indicator of interest, or didn't build enough value. It's an indicator that not enough attraction or comfort was built. Ask yourself:
o
What steps can you take to build more attraction?
o
What can you do to make her more comfortable?
Do not get angry. A failed seduction is not her fault; it's yours. Getting angry only will make you look desperate, horny or frustrated. You’re not entitled to any form or romantic or sexual reciprocation, no one is.
How to Invite a Woman to Your Home Bringing a woman back to your place in a way that she feels comfortable and intrigued is very similar to inviting her on a date – you use the seeding technique described previously. Here's a simple method for using seeding to make the move back to your place: 1.
2. 3. 4.
Seed your home, just like you’d seed a date. During conversation, bring up an activity or an object that you'd need to go home to participate in or see. Tell her about it, but don't invite her back. Do this early on in the date. When you're going to leave the final venue say, "I want to show you that [activity or object]. Let's swing by and check it out." Then add a time constraint, "You can only come over for a few minutes. I have to be up for work in the morning." Possible outcomes: • If she says, yes. Well done! • If she says, no or ignores the suggestion, then you need to work on building more value or attraction. Don't beg her to come back or complain when she doesn't want to – it will make you look impatient and desperate. Try setting up another date. • If she seems like she wants to come back, but really does have some obligation in the morning, drop the idea of bringing her home that night, and set up another date.
And no matter how the rest of your encounter goes – remember, it takes time to learn. You're going to make experience what feels like failures, so don't be too hard on yourself. Just make sure that you keep practicing. Eventually, you'll learn to read all the signs and get over these hurdles. Everyone I know who's put in the time and had the tenacity to push themselves when things go poorly have found success.
________________________ Download The "Romantic Window Technique" Cheat Sheet Can you remember the steps of the romantic window technique? If not, download the cheat sheet here: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 20: Comfort, Intimacy And The "Love Roadmap" "The biggest risk is not taking any risk... In a world that's changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks." - Mark Zuckerberg Throughout a romance, the woman must feel safe and comfortable with you, both verbally and physically. Many men get wrapped up in the physical half. They ask themselves, "How do I make it so that she'll let me touch her?" or "How can I get her to want to touch me?" but touching and being touched isn’t the whole picture. As you become intimate with a woman, the level of comfort slowly escalates. And because it's a delicate, vulnerable new territory, trust and respect are paramount. Trust is gained by taking small steps that build on one another. To be comfortable around someone you need to trust them in some way, and so your goal is to continuously build trust. As trust builds, so does comfort. The comfort building process starts at the beginning of the interaction. She evaluates, "Can I trust this stranger and do I want to continue talking to him?" One sign that an interaction is going well is when she begins to take the next step and push things forward to the next level. Take special note when she does something verbal or physical that shows you your levels of intimacy are escalating. Maybe she leans into you while talking, presses her knee up against yours while you sit together, holds onto your arm when you're standing together – any of these are signs that she's more trusting and more comfortable with you than earlier in the interaction. Be confident that things are going well.
IMPORTANT: If you try to rush things, you'll make her uncomfortable, and lose her trust. Have patience, because guys who are impatient look horny and desperate. That said, even if she isn't making advances, she still might be interested. Everyone is different, and will show romantic interest in different ways. As you continue your practice, you will find that some women will be more aggressive, and others will be passive. It's up to you to see what's going on by developing a well-calibrated social awareness. You can check her comfort levels with slowly escalating techniques. Initially they are minor and insignificant things, each becoming increasingly substantial and involved as trust and comfort is built. With any comfort escalation technique, you're looking for one of three outcomes: 1. Will she do more for me than she would before? 2. Will she want me do more with her than before? 3. Am I making her uncomfortable? If so, stop what you're doing and take a step back romantically. If you persist in making her uncomfortable, you'll likely lose her trust and the possibility of a romantic connection. Here are some examples of verbal comfort escalation checks: "Do you like Thai Food? I can't hang out with people who aren't adventurous with food and don't try new things in life." Did she change her opinion or makes an excuse to win you over? If yes, great, you're doing well. If no, keep working on building attraction.
"Can you hold my drink for a second? Thanks, you're awesome and conveniently located." Did she hold your drink for you? If yes, great, you're doing well. If no, you need to build more comfort and attraction. "This place is supposed to have an amazing rooftop. Come upstairs with me, you can stretch your legs and keep me safe from drunken cougars on the prowl." Did she come up to the rooftop? If yes, great, you're doing very well. If no, you need to build more comfort. Now let's take a look at a few techniques that check her comfort levels in a physical way:
As you laugh together, you briefly touch her arm and gauge her response. If she moves away from you, she's not attracted or comfortable.
When moving to a new area, you reach out to see if she takes your hand. She's already going with you, which is great, but if she doesn't take your hand, she's likely uncomfortable with your touch. Build more attraction.
You give her a warm embrace, noting carefully how she hugs you back. If she doesn’t hug you back, you need to build more comfort and attraction.
If at any time she seems uncomfortable with one of your advances, that is a clear sign you need to take a step back. Don't continue to
escalate; instead build more attraction and trust, by using routines, active disinterest, and identity storytelling until you get more indicators she is interested. As so often is the case, timing is everything. Buyer's Remorse Have you ever regretted a purchase? Have you had fear or a sense of guilt that you made a poor purchasing decision? If so, then you've experienced what's called buyer's remorse. Buyer's remorse is not specific to purchases; it's also something that can happen in dating and intimacy. Specifically if the woman ends up with a feeling of unmet expectations – that she gave part of herself away and did not get what she wanted or very little in return. This almost always happens when she had or has different expectations than you. Avoiding Buyer's Remorse Make sure both of you are on the same page. Also, read the chapter on Dating with Care and Empathy towards the end of the book. Understand what it is and how it works, and follow those rules when you're getting into a relationship or intimate. Next, if she wants to get intimate with you, make sure to talk with her about future concerns in a caring way: "Before we go any further, I just wanted to check in with you that tomorrow morning, when we wake up together, we both feel really good with this." Or you put her in the driver seat by saying:
"We don't have to have sex. I'm happy just wanting to wake up next to you tomorrow." The key is to be caring, empathetic and patient. Even if she verbally and physically leads you to sleeping with you, it's a good idea to check in with her. The more connected partners are with each other, the more aligned their expectations are, the better the sex will be. Give more than you take, enrich her life with great experiences, including and specifically during sex. This means spending some time getting to know her body. Use foreplay to build a roadmap of her erogenous zones. Below I'm going to share my "Love Roadmap" that you can use to help you with foreplay, and mutual sexual exploration. The first thing you should remember about having good sex is that great sexual partners pay attention to each other's needs and communicate well. Talking during sex? Yes, my friend. And if you do it the right way it will be a big turn on. Communicate and respond with words and body. For instance, if she suddenly wants to roll you over and kiss you – forget about the roadmap and let her do that. If she wants to go down on you, decide if that's what you want and go for it or talk with her about what you want. Just pay attention and communicate. That said, here's something fun to try – enjoy! The Love Roadmap
Start by kissing for a while.
After a comfortable amount of time, take her hand and say, "I want to kiss all the parts of your body that others forget to kiss. If you feel uncomfortable tell me to stop and I will."
Kiss the inside of her wrist.
Pause and look up, reassuring her that you'll stop if she feels uncomfortable. Check in with "How does this feel?"
Kiss further down the wrist, and keep kissing until you get to the shoulder.
When you get to the bra strap (if she’s wearing one) pull the strap down to her shoulder and kiss the place on her body where it was before you pulled it down. The release of tension from the bra, and then the following kisses will feel very good. Note: This technique can also be used for kissing around the panty line. Push the panty down, place a little kiss along the hip, then return the panties to their first position.
After kissing, put the bra strap back. Continue kissing her with this technique for a while. She might smirk, because she is getting more excited and maybe even wants you to take the bra off. But don't.
At this point you have a few choices:
From here you place little kisses along her back and continue with the collar bone. You can caress the back of her neck, you can lightly pull her hair, or you can go back to making out. Whatever you do, eventually you want to return to the limbs you haven’t kissed. Note: Don't touch or reach for her breasts, her butt, or between her legs. The goal is to kiss all the non-sexual places.
As you explore her limbs, experiment with light kisses, hard kisses, little bites, licks, and words. You're trying to get a sense of what she likes before you start getting more intimate. Let her show you what she likes and pay attention to what she does.
So, if you give her a light lick and she moans, that's great. If you bite a little and she says, "Softer," then you'll know to be a little less rough. Note: Playing this game will get more exciting the more you undress each other.
If at any point, there is any interruption or disturbance (phone rings, running out of time, too public of a place, etc.), either wait it out and get back to arousing her again, bounce to a more quiet and romantic place, or just hang out and appreciate your togetherness. There will be many other exciting moments and places in the future.
If you've played this exploration game right, then you both should be mostly undressed and fairly aroused. She might take over and initiate the next level of intimacy. Make it a game where you both experiment with fingering, oral sex, and more touching and kissing.
If everything goes right, she and you are both aroused, confident and comfortable, then making love will be a natural smooth transition. Use protection, and have fun – both of you!
Good Luck! ________________________ Want To Learn More? Dive Deeper? There are how-to videos, cheat sheets that help you memorize and step-by-step exercises that go along with each chapter and a community of fellow students. http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 21: Tips For Dating Apps And Dating Websites Online dating and dating apps are everywhere. They've totally changed the name of the game when it comes to meeting and attracting high-quality women. You can do it in your spare time, on the train to work, or even when you're on a boring date. Not that I would ever suggest you do such a thing. Still, just like talking to girls out at bars and clubs, it's important for you to approach, flirt and make a connection in a skillful manner. Do you find that you're not making the connections you want? Do you have a low percentage of women responding to what you have to say on online dating sites? There's a good chance you’re making one or more of the most common mistakes in online dating. By eliminating just one of these, you can see significant increases in your batting average when it comes to online dating. That said, while there is a bigger pool available, the rules are not different, the same principles apply and the 4-Step System works like a charm. Let's start with the main challenge: Almost no woman will ever meet a random stranger, yet the profile of apps and websites gives you only a very limited way to convey your true identity. So your goal is to supercommunicate in a condensed form and share your qualities via pictures and text and message. Where are the online routines?
There are countless online dating and social networking sites. And new apps become popular overnight, then lose out the next day a new edating trend. This is why it’s important to remember that the principles of attraction and seduction stay the same even though the techniques might change. Think about it this way. Each new app or site requires a modification of your techniques and routines but your identity stays the same. This is why I will give you some pointers to help you out when making contact.
The principle of starting a conversation is to make the person or group feel comfortable. If you send them a message that makes them uncomfortable it’s likely to fail.
When you’re contacting a woman on a dating app or website, you’re already conveying interest by contacting her. Which means that there is no way that you "just wanted to say hi". In fact, if you’re on a dating site, it’s assumed that you’re looking for a date. So, if you contact a woman, it’s reasonable to expect that she thinks you’re looking to date her. So what do you say?
Make an observation about something you find interesting about her hobbies, her life etc. that is non-sexual.
Point out a common interest and ask her opinion about a question that is related to that topic.
Regarding flirting: When online, and just like in real life, teasing can come off as hitting on someone if it’s done without context. First get to know her a bit before you start flirting.
And finally: When you meet up explore why you were interested in meeting up rather than denying any interest in the first place, as a form of active disinterest. Bad Profile Pictures Women aren't quite the visual creatures that men are. That said, you need to have good pictures on your profile. You don't have to be the best-
looking guy on a website or app to get the best-looking girl to go on a date with you. In fact, it's not so much what you look like physically in your photo as much as what kind of guy you look like. You want to look like a fun-loving, outgoing type of guy she's going to want to spend time with. Your conversations should also be moving toward this. But just like your attraction to her starts with a photo, so does her attraction to you. Be the one that's going to get her interested in who you are, wanting to know more and wanting to spend time with you. Not Revealing Enough about Yourself There are two parallel mistakes you can make when crafting your online profile. The first is being overly secretive about yourself, or not elaborating enough about who you are. Think about it: On the one hand, if you don’t reveal anything about yourself, you can look sketchy or even fake. However, if you reveal a little bit, but not very much – or not any of the more interesting parts of your life, anyway – she’s not going to have any reason to respond. No matter how awesome the pictures of you look, women are going to want to know what sets you apart from other guys before they respond to your message. Revealing Too Much About Yourself And then there’s the parallel mistake – the other side of the coin. Sometimes guys reveal too much about themselves. They overshare. In particular, they come off as bitter, talk too much about exes or have a long list of things women must have or must not have. It’s OK to have standards, but it's good to keep things positive on a dating website. Remember that you want to put your best foot forward on dating profiles. Don't muddy the waters with negativity or bitterness.
Building a profile means presenting the best part of yourself that you can. Here are a few things you can try:
Put up no more than three pictures.
One picture with an animal has been statistically proven to work well for apps and online dating sites.
Don’t put up pictures where you’re with exes or other women you're sleeping with.
Put up one picture that show you’re participating in something like travel, a hobby, or a vacation.
Use proper grammar and punctuation.
Looks are important for online dating – choose photos where you're well-groomed or well-dressed if possible.
If there's a text portion of your profile, write something that will make it easy and fun for them to contact you. o "Just looking for a Netflix password." o "Trying to find someone with a cool dog/cat I can hang out with." o "Looking for the missing half of my broken amulet."
Making contact, setting up the date: You need to write a solid introduction message to grab her attention. You know that. However, how do you do that? One of the main ways is to read her profile. Nothing is going to irritate a woman more than sending her off a message without having read her profile. She put up a profile with the things she wants you to know about her before you send off an email. Let her know that you took the time to read her profile and what about it made you want to contact her.
You have two goals in this order: establish contact and then transition to a date in the real world.
Don't start with something sexual; start with something nonsexual from their profile or photos.
Recognize that people jump onto and off of dating sites fairly rapidly, so if someone doesn't get back to you, move on – the person you contacted is likely not even on the site.
If you know they're on the site and they don't get back to you, move on. They're probably not interested, or they simply don't check the site often.
Set up dates for locations that are safe and comfortable – nothing where she feels like she'll be trapped there with you.
Don't get upset and send negative messages if the girl doesn't like something you said, or doesn't want to go out with you. Learn from your mistakes and move on.
Mistake to avoid: Get to know her in person, not online There's such a thing as spending too much time getting to know women on a dating website. The point of a dating website isn't getting to know her through endless e-conversation. After all, they're called "dating sites" for a reason. What you want to do is get her to go on a date with you. So rather than spending lots of time chit chatting about what was on television last night, spend your time trying to move her toward saying yes to going on a date with you. Mistake to avoid: Poor Grammar It might not seem like a big deal, but it is. You should proofread your profile. Look for simple grammar and spelling mistakes. A lot of women won't respond to anything you have to say if you say it with poor grammar. Just spending a few minutes here can make a big difference in terms of both the number and the quality of women you have responding – and contacting you in the first place.
________________________ Ready To Set Up Your Dating Profile? If you are, then I have a Cheat Sheet for you that simplifies the process and helps you make you look awesome. Visit: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 22: Advanced Text Game And Avoiding Flaking It doesn't matter if you met her out at a bar or on a dating website or dating apps: Texting is going to happen, and you’ll want to get it right. Here’s what you need to know:
Texting is great for logistics, or solving immediate problems.
Texting does not create true attraction or connection. That happens in person. Which is why most texting is unnecessary flare. In fact, the more texts you send the more likely it is that you’ll cause a problem rather than support your seduction. Recognize that if you follow the steps leading up to a properly seeded date, all you need to do is send where and when you’ll meet, and solve any incidental problems regarding the date, everything else is extra.
People will go out of their way to be around someone they’re interested in, that means you should be working on you in-person skills, and always practicing seeding dates. If they flake without rescheduling, you need to work on your value building steps.
Most non-logistical/problem solving texts are for validation on the part of the insecure would-be seducer. Never send a text for the sole purpose of getting a response. Be confident that if you’ve seeded a date that she agreed to, you’re doing just fine. Ask yourself, “what is the purpose of this text in my overall seduction?” if it doesn’t have one, then don’t send it.
Improve your grammar and spelling, and you’ll have fewer communication problems.
Texting problems I have talked to literally tens of thousands of men through the Stylelife Academy. As such, we hear a number of problems that guys
have when it comes to texting. You might not be experiencing all of these, but we'd be amazed if you weren’t dealing with at least some of them. You Don't Know when to text We believe there's a very simple solution to this: It all comes down to what happens in person, because that where attraction and romantic connection happens. Imagine, your celebrity crush gave you her number and started texting you all the time, or she invited you out on a date but rarely returned your texts. In either case, would you still want to date them? I’m betting it’s very likely you would. Same thing goes for women; if the guy is interesting enough they’ll go out of their way to hang out with you. Do you think she’d go out of her way to hang out with her celebrity crush? Do you think that if he texted too much, or barely texted at all, that she’d no longer want to hang out with him? I doubt it. Refine your in-person skills and the texting will become less and less of a problem. You Don't Know How to Set Up a Date The point of texting isn't more texting – it's getting her off the phone and into your presence, preferably on a date that she won't soon forget. Unfortunately, a lot of guys focus too much on their "text game" that they never make the transition from texting to up close and in person. Remember to keep your eyes on the prize. The prize is not another text from her – it's a date that's going to bring the two of you closer than texting ever will. Flirt with her, but avoid chit chatting and always be thinking about how you're moving toward the date.
Practice seeding dates, and use texts to move towards those dates. You shouldn’t have to convince someone to hang out with you over the phone. Your Text Dates Always Flake Are you the guy who gets dates but is always having them cancel? Even worse, do you have dates who don't show up? Sure, you get her to agree to a date, but the date itself never seems to materialize. What are you doing wrong? There are four major possibilities: 1. You’re not building enough value: This means you need to work on building value through identity stories, routines, and active disinterest until you receive a few indicators of romantic interest, before moving on. 2. You’re not showing interest: Remember, you don’t show interest until she’s interested in you. If you’re sure you have interest, make sure you’re returning the interest, before you set up the date or get the phone number. 3. You made her uncomfortable, and she gave you the number just to get you to go away. You will know this is the case if you’re getting numbers very early in the interaction and they’re always flaking. This means you have to go all the way back to working on starting conversations, that’s where the root of the problem is, they were made to feel uncomfortable from the start. 4. She’s actually busy. People have lives, sometimes they don’t include you. If you’re seeing a pattern, where lots of women are flaking on you then refer to possibilities one and two. Your Texting Makes Her Uncomfortable There are the guys who come on too strong. The guys who have women responding at first. But then those responses become "K" and other signs that you’re being awkward, creepy or otherwise making her uncomfortable. That's a bummer, and it can be hard for men to be honest
with themselves that that’s what they're doing. But you have to level with yourself if you're going to make any improvement. What you need to do is start paying more attention to her; paying more attention to what she's into and what she's not into. When in doubt, take it down a peg. Start by stripping your texts of vulgar language, or anything else that is inappropriate. What Text Messaging is not… 1. Text messaging is not a way to build attraction. There is no magical text you can send her that will make her fall in love (or lust) with you. Do not sit there for hours, slaving over just the perfect sentence. You are not English metaphysical poet Andrew Marvell penning the classic poem "To His Coy Mistress". Your text will not live forever in the annals of fine literature. If you catch yourself wondering, "What will make her like me?" then just stop. You’re texting for the wrong reasons. 2. Text messaging is also not for building a connection. Don't get into sweet chit-chat or just kind of checking in because it reduces her desire to see you in person. "What are you doing?" or "How's work?" are questions that are like a pressure release valve. She can answer them and you lose the momentum, as opposed to having that pressure build during the day where she's just dying to tell you in person. 3. Text messaging is not for escalation in a relationship. It is only for maintenance. What Text Messaging Is… Text messaging is a way to confirm details of a date that you've already seeded when you saw the woman in person. It's all about logistics. For example, you could text, "We're going to that permit-only hiking path this weekend. Why don't you come along?" Or, if you already have set up the date, the text can confirm and remind her.
If you're texting about a date, make sure it's something fun, exciting, and different. A text message with an offer to go on a secret underground tour of Hollywood studios is going to elicit a very different response than a text message offering a dinner and a movie. If you mention a date in a text message and the woman responds, "I dunno" or "I’m busy" or "Maybe my friends and I will be out the same evening" then you need to generate more interest. Be Careful of Text Messaging Limitations Remember, texting does not have emotional components of eye contact, vocal tonalities, facial expressions, or hand gestures, so it's harder to seed (or sell) a meet up in text than in person. That's why you should seed the adventure when you're in her physical presence and then just use the text to follow up. Inside jokes and connection enhancer There is an element to text messaging that sometimes makes it easier to flirt for shy people. So in some ways, you can be more teasing, more joking in a text. Personally, I think that this technique should be used after you’ve had a good first date, and that person is excited to see you again. Text messages are also great ways to follow up on an inside joke that you might have established when you met the woman. Let's say you both talked about your addiction to chocolate milkshakes. You could text her and say, "Need an intervention for those shakes lately?" Use the inside joke you shared in her presence and you can conjure up those same emotions from a distance with a well-placed text message, then use it as a spring-board into another meet-up. Emoticons and Acronyms: To Use Them or Not There are mixed prescriptions for using emoticons in social text messaging. Many seducers abhor emoticons, preferring to position
themselves as more suave and sophisticated. It's hard to imagine James Bond sending a smiley face and a LOL to a woman. That said, there are times and places where they come in handy. You have to decide what’s right for that person, in their specific seduction. Here are some basic guidelines: 1. Use as few acronyms and emoticons as possible. 2. Recognize that your grammar and spelling are more important than the strategic use of emoticons and acronyms. 3. Reread your texts before you send them; you have all the time in the world. Ask yourself: do I really need to use an emoticon? If so, why are you using it and is there a better way to communicate the same thing? The Texting Gameplan: The Steps Let's say you met a woman at a bar on Friday night. You had a good time and ran The Cube cold reading routine on her. And you seeded this great sushi restaurant that only you and your friends know about. Now, it's a day or two later and you want to follow up. Here's the plan: Step 1: Start with a reminder of the good feelings you had together. For example, if you ran The Cube and she enjoyed it, you could text "Hey, how’s your big cube doing…" Use a nickname or some term you might have shared. Step 2: In the same text, refer to the date that you’ve already seeded. Your text could be: "Hey, how’s your big cube doing? Here’s the info for the place we’re going to on [day of the date]. [Logistical Info].” The Texting Gameplan: The Pacing Myth Many men wonder, "How long should I wait in texting?" That common query applies to phone calls as well.
There are a lot of theories about when and how often to text. For example, texting at her pace or only texting two days after getting her phone number. From personal experience, and through experiments with students all over the world, I’ve found none of this to be true or particularly valuable. Just keep this in mind: people will go out of their way to hang out with someone they’re interested in. Refine your in-person skills and the texting will become less and less important. It will become a way to communicate exactly when and where you’re going to meet up, rather than the confusing purgatorial space between the meet up and the date, where many guys imagine they are trapped. Most guys over-text women they’ve just texted as a way to get a momentary feeling of validation. “She’s paying attention to me,” is the thought or feeling that they desire. Before you send a text, take a breath and think about if it really needs to be sent. In my opinion, it most likely doesn’t, unless it’s a logistical text, or a problem that needs a response to be resolved. If you’re doing something long distance, or there’s a very long space of time between the initial meet-up and the date. Under these circumstances, use texts to make plans to talk on the phone or over Skype. This will give you more of an opportunity to connect with that person while you’re separated. Last thing on pacing, I recognize that some guys really like texting. I’m not exactly sure what the appeal is, but some guys love it. If you’re one of those guys just recognize – it’s not necessary, it’s flare. Make the seduction the kind of seduction that excites you and the person you’re trying to be with. Just be careful not to over-text, be aware that it’s easy to misinterpret texts, and that at the end of the day it’s what you do in person that will have the largest impact.
The Bottom Line on Texting Sending text messages can be fun and flirty. But don't put too much into it. There is nothing you're going to tap out on your iPhone that is going to make her fall in love with you. When you put too much pressure on a text message, that's when it gets frustrating. Instead, just have fun. Rules for Texting for Maximum Success Rule 1: Do Not Text to Avoid a Phone Conversation Texting isn't meant to be used as a tool to avoid phone conversations. Speaking to a woman on the phone has more seduction potential than a text message (just like seeing her in person has more seduction potential than a phone call). If you recently opened, attracted and seeded a date with a woman, your next goal is to meet up with her. The chances of setting this up with her via text message are slimmer than via phone conversation and setting it up over the phone are slimmer than seeding a date when you initially met. Bottom line: Practice seeding! Rule 2: Bring Value When Texting Just like you should bring value for your wingman, you should apply the same philosophy to your text message game. Low-value or no-value texts are attempts to leech value from the woman, such as: "What’s up?" or "What are you doing tonight?" or "When can I see you again?" These types of texts will get you nowhere because they make you seem needy, invoke no positive emotion in the woman and display nothing high-value about you. When I text a woman in the early stages of seduction, it’s either to send logistical information about a date or to solve a problem. For instance, if we had a conversation about a book and at the time I couldn’t
remember it, I might send her a text that says, “Hey, that book was called: [book title].” Rule 3: Never Over-Text She might be the only thing on your mind at the moment, but you don't want her to know that yet. If you come off as too needy, you'll lose her. Text once and only once until you get a reply. After a reply you can text back. If she doesn't respond to your text, then wait at least 24 hours before re-texting her. Allow time in between your replies when in a text conversation. Don't give her the impression that her text message conversation is the most important thing happening for you. Remember that being nonneedy and scarce is attractive. Bonus Tip: A Quick Route to Familiarity After getting her number, immediately send a text while you're still standing right next to her, it creates a humorous moment between the two of you and helps make you more familiar to her: "You have my number now, but you are only allowed to call me once per day." "You have to stop staring at me, it’s making you look desperate.” If, after texting her, she’ll save your number and your name, take that as a definite indicator of interest. More importantly, when you call her later, your phone number will pop up and be familiar to her. This makes her more likely to answer. That said, you should still be practicing seeding, and working on refining the steps leading up to getting the phone number.
________________________ Advanced Text Game Secrets (2h Audio) Learn from Neil Strauss' Attraction Mastermind Group in a 2 hour audio the secrets of advanced text game. Listen or download: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 23: Creating a Seductive Atmosphere "A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body." - Benjamin Franklin Eventually, you're going to be bringing women back to your home. That means you should spend some time thinking about how to set up your place and make it a seductive and attractive atmosphere. Your home, like your clothing, is an extension of your identity. That means your home says something about you to anyone who enters it. When you are thinking about setting up a seductive atmosphere for your home start by paying attention to all five senses: What does it look like? What does it smell like? What kinds of food and drink do you have to share? How does it feel to be in your home? What kinds of music or sounds do you share in your home? Here is a checklist of details for you:
What exactly do you have in your house and what does it say about you? The key is to have it stuffed with conversation starters. Pictures, objects or art that makes her curious enough to ask you about it. That way it will give you an opportunity to shine. Don't put anything on your walls or on a visible shelf that you can’t talk about with an identity story. Pieces of art, books, posters, photographs and everything else should have a story that reveals something about you.
Lighting is more important than the size of the room. Light creates atmosphere. Is your lighting sexy or oppressive? If you have bright florescent light, it's not sexy. You can install spotlights that highlight your conversation-starter items, dimmer switches to control brightness or simply use lamps to give the atmosphere a more comfortable look.
Have you done anything interesting with the paint or wallpaper? Using warm accent colors can give a room a very cozy feeling. If not, maybe consider it.
Is your place clean? If not, you’ll need to put some time in cleaning it or hire someone to come by.
Do you have anything interesting to eat or drink in your house? Everyone loves good food. A simple thing is to cut up a fruit plate with honey – something delicious and easy to share with a potential lover. I also suggest rare types of drinks that you can offer like mead, a special cocktail, a rare wine, or something else you wouldn't find in the average guy's house.
What does your house smell like? There are a lot of different scents out there, so which one do you enjoy most? Choose one. I prefer incense, but you can use a variety of air fresheners to give your place a great smell.
Does your house look comfortable? This question refers to the fabrics and textures of the furniture in your home. Look at your place and ask, "Would I want to lay down and cuddle up on my couch? My bed? My floor?" If not, then what can I do to make my place feel more comfortable?
What do you have that will make getting physical easier? Do you have condoms and lubrication by your bed? Massage oil? These things can all boost your sexual experience.
What kind of music do you like to put on? I suggest using Spotify to make a playlist of sexy and exciting songs. You can find my personal playlist by following the link at the end of this chapter.
A few years ago, Neil Strauss took me to a party at his friend's apartment. The event was fantastic, and all the women were having a great time. Mostly of the fun came down to how entertaining it was to be at his place. His secret was setting up each room in his apartment to have a completely different feel. One room had co-operative video games people could play. Another room had a dancer pole with couches on either side. Another was filled with fantastic art, and each piece of art he
had a crazy story for. The rooms also had different lighting, which brought a different feel to each of them. His kitchen had all sorts of unique and exciting types of liquor to drink; stuff most people haven't even heard of. Guests at the party spent hours just wandering around checking out his amazing home, begging to come back for another party. He was the most interesting guy in every room, because every room had a little bit of his personality in it. When women first started coming back to my place after a date, I always had trouble getting close to them unless we'd already been physical. I came up with this little technique I call "The Smooth Move" to help me get closer to women without being overly obvious. • • •
• • • •
Start with some cut up fruits and veggies on a plate. (Have this ready before you even go on the date.) When she comes over, let her find a place to sit. Once she finds a place to sit, you’re going to find somewhere else in the room to relax. Somewhere near her, but preferably not on the couch with her. Let her get comfortable on your couch while you talk for a while, or throw on a movie. A few minutes into conversation or the movie say, "I'm going to grab us some snacks." Grab the prepared plate of food. When you come in the room with the plate, sit next to her, so you can share the food – but also, so you can sit next to her!
It's a smooth transition that allows you to get physically close to her without being obvious. Remember, this is only really necessary if you haven't been physical with her already. That said, if you've made it back to your place, and you need a way to get close to her, this is a great move.
Where to get it You might want to know where to get some interesting items for your home. Here are a few suggestions:
Etsy.com: Etsy is a place where artists can sell whatever it is they make. Almost everything you find on his site will be unique. It's easily my favorite site for finding things no one else will ever have.
EBay.com: EBay is great for finding collectors' items – signed posters, old record players and records, arcade machines, pretty much anything from the past that's hard to find, you can get on EBay.
Amazon.com: I use Amazon for anything ordinary that I need. I buy nice appliances and kitchenware from Amazon.
Overstock.com: You'd be surprised how many single guys go through life with one dirty set of bed sheets and old towels with bleach spots. Don't be one of these guys. You can get new towels and bed sheets at overstock at really affordable prices.
Local Nurseries: I love having plants in my home. Having life around always feels good. Also, women have commented on my ability to keep them alive and healthy for years. The best place to get plants are local nurseries. Pick out some plants that you like and ask the professionals that work there how to keep them alive and healthy looking in your home.
Remember, your house says a lot about who you are, so take care of it, and make it something exciting for people to visit. For more suggestions on cool and sexy additions you can add to your home, check out the link at the end of this chapter.
________________________ Tips On How Style Your Pad Neil Strauss and his Attraction Mastermind Group share tips and insight in a 2 hour audio on "How to Style Your House." Plus, I prepared a cheat sheet for you as well that makes it easier and fun. Visit: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 24: Adventure Dating “Life is either a great adventure or nothing.” - Helen Keller I have five rules for dating. They're easy to remember, and can radically change your dating life, but before we get to the rules let's take a look at one thing that most guys don't remember. If a woman shows up for a date then you've done well! She didn’t have to come. She made a choice to be with you that night. Have confidence that she likes you, and is at least contemplating something romantic. All you have to do is keep it from being an average date. What's an average date? Well, it's something like taking a girl to a restaurant sitting behind a table and asking her interview questions all night long. You buy the dinner and the drinks, and maybe walk her back to her place. You wait until the last moment before making a move and likely get rejected. Nothing exciting, nothing exceptional. The seducer goes on adventures. Adventures can be wild, exotic, intriguing, and thoughtful. I want you to learn how to go on adventures with women; not dates. You and she are characters in a story and that story is exciting. These six rules will help you turn dates into adventures and minimize possible mistakes: RULE #1: Present Your Best Authentic Identity Whatever venue you take your date should be a place that allows you to express your identity. In other words, the location you pick should allow you to easily bring up identity stories and share yourself.
RULE #2: Explore Multiple Venues The more places you visit with a person the longer they'll feel they knew you, because you shared more experiences together. If you go boating and afterwards to a cooking class, she will learn more about you than if you just go for dinner. Why? Because each environment comes with different sights and sounds, it generates new types of conversations, it suggests different things about your individual qualities, and at the end of the day you'll learn more about a person than you possibly could in just one place. RULE #3: Ask Interesting Questions You need to learn about each other, which means you shouldn't be the only one talking. Be sure that you're finding out what you can about the woman you are interested in. The questions should be relevant to the conversation. If she's talking about her job, then think of questions that will reveal something about her. You're looking to answer questions like these: • Why does she do what she does? • How does she feel about different aspects of her life? • What kinds of things does she want to do in her life? • What has she accomplished in her life, and how does she feel about those accomplishments? • What stories does she have to tell? RULE #4: Simplify Logistics Before the date, always make a plan for where you're going and how you're getting there. Send the name and address of the location the night before the date via email or text message. If you're planning on going from venue to venue, then spend some time planning out how you're
going to get to each place. Being stuck at a venue, standing outside trying to figure out how you're planning to get somewhere can be a real mood killer. Also, dependent on the place you might want to let her know what she should wear. She'll appreciate it if she is not going horseback riding in a cocktail dress. RULE #5: Always Be Flexible Sometimes you'll end up somewhere that the woman doesn’t enjoy. That's fine. Just be ready to move on and have a backup plan if this happens. That is another reason why I suggest going to multiple venues on your date. If they don't like the place, you can easily move on and keep the vibe of the date positive. RULE #6: Don't make your move at the last minute Most guys hesitate when it comes to going for the kiss. They wait until the very last minute, creating an awkward moment. Even if they manage a kiss, the situation is lack-luster. When you're on a date and the opportunity arises, go for the kiss. Note: Impatience and hesitation are not the same thing. If you go for the kiss before she's comfortable, you're impatient. If you see an opportunity and chicken out then you’re hesitating. Look for a comfortable window of opportunity to go for the kiss, and go for it. Take a bold romantic step forward. Examples from students: One of my students, a painter, would bring women to the arts district in Los Angeles. The streets there are covered in art painted by a variety of famous street artists. The arts district is also home to a number of hip bars and restaurants. They started their night walking the streets as he told her about the art, and what it meant to him. He talked about how he
was inspired by the individual artists, while they barhopped from venue to venue. Another student, in New York, used to take his dates to an improv show every Friday night. This particular student was a comedian, and always liked to start his nights with a laugh. From there he'd walk with them to a local bar and then to a 24-hour diner. If everything went well, they'd end up back at his place, which was also in the neighborhood. One of my favorite examples is from a friend who decided to build a pillow fort in his living room with a girl he'd met. Once the fort was built he made plans to go out for burgers at a nearby burger joint, with the promise of playing truth or dare in the fort once they returned. It wasn't long before the game went from PG to XXX. Should I buy drinks for a woman I'm interested in? My advice is, if it feels like you're paying for the woman's time, don't do it. You'll feel used and she'll feel obligated, which will drive her away from you. That’s what I tell my students when they ask about buying drinks when they're out meeting women. Paying for her time means that she's sticking around just because you're paying for her drinks and for no other reason. Don't put yourself in that situation. Go ahead and buy drinks, but only if it's the kind of situation where you'd buy one for a friend. Try this: When you're on a date say, "I’ll get the first round you get the next." It's something I've done with friends, and dates – it's a great way to make paying the bill easy and comfortable.
________________________ Let The Adventure Begin! There are how-to videos, cheat sheets that help you memorize and step-by-step exercises that go along with each chapter and a community of fellow students. http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 25: How Attract And Seduce Can Change Your Life "It is not that I'm so smart. But I stay with the questions much longer." ― Albert Einstein It can change your life by helping you to become a more attractive and seductive individual. If you follow the steps in this book and put in the time and practice we suggest, you can become the best version of yourself. You can be the man other men want to be and that women want to love. You can be the most interesting guy in the room. Get a girlfriend, lover or wife: It can help you achieve romantic success. No matter your romantic goal, if you study this art form you can achieve it. I've had students go from zero to hero in less than a year, and they did it using the four steps provided in this book: Open, Attract, Connect, and Seduce. Make that your mantra, practice it when you go out and in no time you'll be dating the women you've always dreamed of. Avoiding the "Friend zone": Almost all men ended up in the "Friend Zone" at some point or another. You want to be more than friends but she thinks of you as just a friend. Using the principles and techniques described earlier, it will be easier to being a romantic relationship, with someone you’re interested in. Win friends and get a better job: It can help you dramatically improve your communication skills. The art of seduction doesn't stop at just seducing women. Seduction is inherent in all human communication. That means once you understand the principles you'll be making new friends, opening windows for new business opportunities, and improving your relations with preexisting friends and family members.
Freedom of mind and choice. It can free up your mind of stress. Not being able to attract women can be mentally overwhelming, because your mind tends to revolve around what you desire. It takes up time and energy, and can be the cause of tremendous stress. As you improve your seduction and attraction skills, you'll start to have more choice in your life. You will be able to choose your friends and lovers, and that stress will start to dissolve. You'll free up some mental space and begin to see a more creative and less stressful future ahead of you. Confidence. As we've said before: confidence is built through small successes. You've picked up this book, now it’s time to get out and practice. Set small goals and achieve them. Know that with each success comes confidence and that confidence will support you when you're attempting to accomplish future goals. Over time, you'll become the confident guy you've always wanted to be. What's next? Now that you have an understanding of the art of attraction and seduction, and the different ways that you can go about seducing the women you're attracted to, I would like to invite you to watch some great videos that can really keep you moving forward towards your goals. The collection of videos explores the individual steps that you've read about in this book. They're all there to help you become a more attractive and seductive person. You'll find videos with new routines, confidence exercises, approach improvement techniques, and sexual technique. You can also find a forum with like-minded attraction and seduction students and coaches who can help you through sticking points you may run into.
________________________ What Are You Waiting For? There are how-to videos, cheat sheets that help you memorize and step-by-step exercises that go along with each chapter and a community of fellow students. http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 26: Happily Ever After Learning attraction and seduction is great and most guys are using it to find the right girl for a long-term relationship. As any guy who’s in one of those will tell you, long-term relationships are just a different kind of game. The two of you are hopefully doing what you can to keep yourselves living exciting, adventures, productive, romantic lives - day in and day out. If you can do that, you've got a partner for life. The main thing to start a strong long-term relationship is finding ways to keep the flame burning and the ability to resolve conflicts in a healthy way. And there are a lot more ways to do that than picking her up flowers on your way home from the office. Here are five tools we recommend to men who are worried about keeping the special lady in their life interested. Take Her Away One of the simplest ways to create excitement in your relationship is a weekend getaway. You don't have to fly her across the country or take her to a five-star spa. In fact, spending the night in a hotel room that's not your home can inject a bit of "one night stand" excitement into your long-term relationship. Make the night extra special by getting her some sexy lingerie and the best bottle of wine you can reasonably afford. Women want to know that they're desired – that you're still interested in them. Taking her somewhere outside of the ordinary, where the two of you can have one serious one-on-one time away from the distractions of ordinary life is a simple, but powerful, way to communicate this to her. Talk Openly About Fantasies Talking openly about sexual fantasies can be difficult for a lot of people. The good news is that when a relationship progresses, it becomes a lot easier for you to speak openly and frankly about it.
If you have trouble doing this face to face, set up a fantasy exchange. You each write some down on a piece of paper, seal it in an envelope and open them at the same time. Will she want to do everything you want? Maybe. You'll be surprised. And the list of stuff she's willing to try is almost certainly going to be longer than the list of things she won't even think about. What's more, she's going to be more likely to try the things you want if you're also willing to try some new stuff. So man up and have a talk about it. Chores It sounds boring, but one of the biggest things you can do to keep a relationship healthy is doing chores. Chores basically break down into one of two broad categories: •
•
The One She Hates: Maybe it's laundry. Maybe it's dishes. Maybe it's walking the dog. Whatever it is, there’s one chore that’s "hers" that she just can't stand doing. Surprise her by doing it for her one day without being asked. It's one of the simple, straightforward things you can do that's going to make a huge difference to her. Fixing Things: Even if you have the money to have everything fixed or cleaned for you, take some time to learn how some of the stuff around your house works. The fact that you can fix little mechanical things or that you have some tricks for cleaning and doing repairs on the house is attractive. Youtube can teach you how to install, fix, or build most simple to moderately complex household things.
Breakfast in Bed This is sort of like bringing her flowers, but it takes (a lot) more work. First, you have to get up without disturbing her. Then you have to make breakfast. Having a good breakfast spread or two in your cooking
repertoire is a serious big boy power move that will put you above all the other men she's ever dated. Cereal's not going to cut it here, guys. Learn an egg dish, some kind of cool way of making toast and some kind of breakfast meat that isn’t just bacon right out of the package. Just a little bit of effort here is going to go a long, long way, whether it's with Ms. Right or Ms. Last Night. Last words on relationships. I’m not sure there’s enough time in one lifetime to become a master of the long-term game, despite what people might claim. I try my best to keep the person I’m with loved and in love. If something works, go with it, if it doesn’t move on – try something new or try a new person. Don’t let things get stagnant, it’s the one sure thing I’ve seen drown relationships. Keep improving, connecting, and communicating, and you’ll likely find yourself in a good place with the one amazing woman you truly care about. ________________________ Are You In A Healthy Relationship? Wonderful! If not, I have prepared 10 questions that will help you assess your relationship and fun tips to make it sexy. Check it out here: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 27: From Awkward Nerd To Confident Dating Coach: An Inspirational Interview Stylelife: So, I'm here with The Sneak who's a coach for Stylelife and was originally a student at Stylelife. I wanted to start by just asking you where you come from and what your background is? Tell me a little bit about yourself. The Sneak: Well, I was a very nerdy kid growing up. I think I always had a good heart but I was very misunderstood. I could be quite stubborn and ultimately repellent towards people that I would have wanted to attract. That caused a lot of frustration in my childhood. I really did want to be closer to people, but I just couldn't figure out how to be closer to people. That continued throughout my high school years and into college, up until the point that I discovered Stylelife. Stylelife: What happened when you discovered that it was possible to learn the art of attraction and seduction? The Sneak: I was excited. I was really excited just to do something like try out an opener and talk to people. For me, that was amazing, the fact that I could go up to a group of people that I didn't know and suddenly be in a conversation with them. I thought that that was already life-changing for me personally and I didn't grow tired of doing it. I just loved to go out all the time and just talk to new people at that point in my life. Stylelife: What did you find to be the hardest thing about learning to talk to women, just to start conversations? The Sneak: I didn't think it was very hard, actually, I thought that it was a relatively easy step. You obviously have to defeat your own
anxiety of walking up to a woman or a group of people and I'm not going to pretend that wasn't something that I struggled with for a little while. Overall, once you see that it works, you actually give it a shot and you try it out and you realize that, "Wow, that actually worked, these people are talking to me." It starts to become easier each time. Your confidence in yourself and in the material is building so the anxiety lessens. That was probably the hardest thing that I had to deal with but I got past it pretty quick. Ultimately, it was actually an easy step for me. Stylelife:
What was the hardest lesson for you to learn?
The Sneak: Active disinterest, also referred to as disqualification, is still the hardest thing for me to understand. I understand it now intellectually after having studied this material for as long as I have, but executing it is something that continues to require practice and every now and then I get it right. When I do, I'm really excited. Stylelife: What was difficult about it? What made it so hard to learn, compared to the other material? The Sneak: One of the first things that makes it harder to learn, is that there's a certain timing that's crucial in practicing it. That timing is not necessarily "right away". For example, learning an opener, you do that first. So I can always go out and practice an opener. But, as you get into things that happen later on, like active disinterest, generally you want the people to be already talking to you, and in a good conversation, before you start doing something like that. Even just getting to it can be tough. Then once you're getting into it, it requires you to take risks a little bit more, and try on a new behavior a little bit more than some of the other steps. Being comfortable in accessing a different part of yourself and expressing a different part of yourself that you're not used to expressing that's very different from what you've done in the past, makes it a challenging step to learn.
Stylelife: As a coach what are three revelations you want to share with a student who wants to learn the art or attraction and seduction? The Sneak: The first lesson that I would want them to think about is the principle, “Be the Exception”. You want to stand out in a positive way. Everything can be traced back to that. Whenever you think about a specific technique that you're learning, it should always be able to point back to that particular principle and it always does. Having done it long enough, things really do come back to that. So, I want them to consider what that means to them, to be the exception, and to really put that in their brain as something that they should always be able to come back to, and make sure that they're doing the right things. The second point would be that it's going to be a journey; not something that happens overnight. They should have consistency in their practice throughout their journey. They shouldn't think of it as a sprint, but more of a marathon or a life-long running across the globe at a pace that you can keep up with. I don't think that they should view it as something that they're going to go out and practice 50 times and then never practice again, or something like that. I'd rather they say I'm going to practice twice a week for 25 weeks and then continue practicing twice a week for 25 more weeks. That would be a better way to go about it. The third tip would be to not just intellectually understand the idea of pushing themselves and trying on new behaviors and ideas and ways of being that they're not used to, but going beyond an intellectual understanding of that and actually exploring what that means. You can talk to a student for a long time about change, and he can nod his head and smile and completely believe that he's along for the journey. But then suggest that he tries to wear a different shirt and he might freak out and say, "No, I won't try that new shirt on." That's where the truth comes out. If you're a new student coming into this, don't trick yourself and be nodding your head yes, unless you're actually also doing it and saying, "Yes, I'm going to go out and try this thing on," whether it be a shirt, or
an opener or a disqualifier, whatever it is, actually give it a shot and see how it feels. If it makes you uncomfortable, you still have to keep exploring it until you understand what's happening. Stylelife: What pitfalls do you think a student will run into? Like common pitfalls. The Sneak: The most common pitfall that stops guys is usually laziness, which goes back to having to practice on a consistent basis. You have to find a way to make it part of your life and something you enjoy doing consistently. Stubbornness and not willing to try out new things is another one. The idea that you already know lots of stuff can get in your way. The Pseudo Experts, some guys, they already feel like they have all the answers, because they have studied all the material. But then they are asking questions anyway. That inhibits their growth. If you're here asking questions, somewhere deep down, you must know you don't have all the answers. So don't fall into the trap of suddenly feeling like you already know it all. Accept the basic idea that it's going to be a journey and you're going to be making all kinds of discoveries forever. I'm still learning all the time within this art form. I've been doing it for a long time, but I can honestly say I'm still growing and I should still be growing. I think that that's correct. I don't think that that's me like, "Why is it taking him so long to have learned everything?" There's always more you can learn. When you start to feel like you know it all, you're probably in trouble. Stylelife: What was your study like when you were beginning to study the art of attraction and seduction? What would you suggest for new students coming into it for practice?
The Sneak: My study was going out at least 4 times a week, for at least 3 hours a night, for my first month. I read this in some old community book, it was called The Newbie Drill. The truth is, I really enjoyed it. As I said, when I was running the openers, the fact that I was meeting new groups of people and they were just having a conversation blew my mind. It was really exciting for me, considering I came from a place where I struggled to connect with people. It was miraculous. I loved it. I would go out sometimes five nights a week, six nights a week, seven nights a week. It got to a point where it probably wasn't healthy. I was doing a worse job at my work as a stand-up comedian. The other things that I was exploring at the time were suffering because my life became out of balance because I was so excited. I don't think that someone has to do that in their practice to succeed. As a matter of fact, I pulled back from that. When I pulled back, I actually got better at communicating with people. I still enjoyed those times when I was going out all the time, but when I went back to doing it, say 4 times a week and no more, my skills actually grew. So I do think that there's a sweet spot somewhere around 4 times per week, however that's a lot for a lot of people and I don't think that it's completely necessary. If you can dedicate yourself to say, going out 2 times a week for 3 hours a night and practicing consistently for a couple of months like that, I think that's fantastic. The bare minimum that I would recommend would be going out one night a week. That's just if your life is really crazy busy right now but you're interested in this and you're planning on practicing even more at some point. But right now, you're just trying to groove into it, my minimum for you would be once a week, 3 hours a night, and make sure you approach at least 4 groups of people while you're out there, to consider it a true night of practice. Unless, of course, you meet somebody in the first, second, or third approach that's so incredible that you end up spending the rest of the night with them. In which case, fantastic night of practice and fantastic night of your life.
Stylelife: Has the art of seduction benefited other areas of your life besides romantic interests? The Sneak: I've used it to make great groups of friends and an extensive social circle. Eventually, I've become a member of a band through my social connections with people. So it affects my creative life tremendously. Within the context of being in a band, if there's a joke that I think is funny that I want the other two guys to think it's funny, I've used techniques that I've learned socially to get them excited about the joke that I want to get on stage. Honestly, the education runs through all my interactions. I think that it's inseparable from me at this point. On some level, I'm probably thinking about the way that I'm communicating with someone. On some level, I'm probably always trying to be a bit more seductive than the average human being, just because I spent so long thinking about it. I get to manifest things into the universe that I want to manifest. So it affects all areas of my life and even probably all interactions of my life. Stylelife:
Great. Thanks for hanging out.
Stylelife: How long did it take you to set up a date with a woman? The Sneak: For a couple of months, I just practiced starting comfortable conversations with people. A few more months went by as I worked on generating attraction, conveying interest, and closing. The first real dates started rolling in around the half-year mark. That was a very big deal for me. Previously, my dating like was pretty much non-existent. Now, I was having all kinds of crazy adventures. Stylelife: Can you tell me about one of those crazy adventures?
The Sneak: I'd been practicing in Manhattan. The bars had all closed, so I was riding the L train back to my place in Brooklyn. Sitting at the end of the train was a girl who looked like she had jumped off the pages of a magazine. Nobody looks that cool in real life. She was with one other girl, so I thought... What I didn't know was that the eight, very tough looking guys sitting nearby were also their friends. To everyone else, I looked far braver than I actually was. What I did know was time was very limited. Having practiced on the subway before, I had a little routine to find out what stop they were and then I had to use every one of those moments as efficiently as possible. We hit it off really well and ended up having a whirlwind romance of sorts. She was truly one of the great loves of my life. Never in a million years did I dream that I'd meet a girl like that while riding on the NYC Subway, It's pretty cool when life exceeds your dreams. ________________________ Want To Learn More About What Women Think? Read the interviews of Alex and Christina. What they think about life, love, attraction and seduction: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 28: How I Got My Girlfriend: A Powerful Success Story Stylelife: All right. We love to celebrate successes. Stringer has come a long way in a relatively short period of time, and has had some major breakthroughs in the past year. Can you tell us a little bit about who you are and where you came from, and set us up with a little bit of your back story? Stringer: I never really had trouble getting into relationships. I was always in the wrong relationships. What I found myself doing time and time again, was committing a lot of time to relationships that just weren't good for me, and ultimately were just a complete waste of time and could have even damaged my life in a lot of ways. What learning the art of attraction and seduction at Stylelife allowed me to do, was develop skill sets. Having the ability to select the type of woman that I wanted to be with romantically and also who I wanted to be with as far as friends go. It taught me skills to completely rebuild my social circle. At this time, I have a very rich life, full of friends and a great girlfriend, who I've been with for a year. We've recently moved in together, and we're very much in love. Stylelife: That's great, fantastic. We love to see our students experiencing such amazing things such as that. Can you tell me a little about any specific attraction and seduction techniques or advice that helped you build that success? Stringer: I would have to say that as far as techniques go, there was a technique that Byron taught me called Identity Storytelling. What this did, was it allowed me to begin to start telling stories about my own life in a very passionate way. It allowed me to convey my identity quickly and allowed me to connect with people, on a social, emotional,
or personal connection very quickly. That was something I hadn't been doing. I also hadn't really been telling stories at all. One of the great things about learning how to do Identity Storytelling, was that it actually taught me how to tell a good story. Now I find myself telling stories a lot more and entertaining people. Whereas, I never would have done that before. Stylelife: that?
When you say entertaining people, what do you mean by
Stringer: I mean being able to hold the attention of an entire group of people, say at a dinner party for an extended period of time, with just a story. I may have been at a social venue before, or maybe out to dinner with friends, but I never would have been the star of any conversation for more than just a comment. I might say a sentence here and there. I would never contribute more than a sentence at a time. Stylelife: What does it feel like you, to be able to contribute confidently? What's the biggest difference in how you feel, knowing that you can have confident contributions? Stringer: I feel like people are actually having an opportunity to get to know me, whereas before I was limiting myself by not contributing confidently, and basically hiding all the things that are great about me. Stylelife: Do you think that once you've been able to share those things, the rewards have been really tangible for you? Can you name specific ways that your life has changed? Stringer: Definitely. Ever since I started doing the Identity Story telling routine and began developing my ability as a storyteller, I’ve had greater friendships, greater relationships, and I've also noticed that it's improved my management ability and my compliance at work.
Stylelife: Do you think that there were any other big Ah-Ha moments or epiphanies for you, other than Identity Storytelling? Things that you learned that really shifted the way you were thinking? Stringer: One of the things that I learned was the idea of being indirect with the approach, and the extent to which you can take that. One of the first things that I've learned from The Sneak, is that you can open a set by not even actually opening that set. You can wear something interesting, or you can be loud enough when you're talking about something interesting that other people who are around you can either hear you or see you, and be interested in what you're saying or wearing and wanting to just talk to you as a result of that. Which is pretty much the most indirect you can be in opening a set. Stylelife: Right, absolutely. Did you experience success of getting to meet some interesting people, that you don't think that you would have been able to meet if you didn't know how to open indirectly? Stringer: Yeah. There have been numerous times when girls, guys, people, anyone really at the bar, who have heard me talking to a bartender about a specific drink, got intrigued by what I was talking about and joined the conversation. They would ask what I ordered and often didn't expect me to have such an extensive knowledge of different drinks of the alcoholic persuasion. I was able to start a conversation about that. Then, I'm getting some more interesting identity story telling. Stylelife: It sounds like you feel that Identity Storytelling was a major shift in your life and really allowed you to express things and be a little bit more interesting. When you have people seeing that they're interested in you, do you find that to be something that you were able to spot previously in your life, where people were giving you signs that they were interested or is that something that you've gotten better at spotting since you've been practicing?
Stringer: I think, it's something that I've gotten better at spotting since I've been practicing. I also feel like I've been getting a lot more interest. I've been receiving a lot more interest since I started telling identity stories. I think that identity stories, also like I said, taught me how to just tell any story. The structure of identity stories, especially the Identity Storytelling exercise that Byron created and teaches at the boot camp, really teaches somebody how to tell a story, because there's a beginning, a middle, and a definite end to each story. Stylelife: If there was a time where you were not sure what to do while talking to a woman or a group of people, how do you proceed from there, if you just feel like you've lost track of things? Stringer:
If I wanted to gauge the interest in a set?
Stylelife:
Sure.
Stringer: If I really wanted to see how interested people were in me, I would disappear for a little bit. I might walk away. I might excuse myself and go to the bathroom and come back later and see if I was missed or not, see how things have changed when I've returned. If people don't really seem like they care too much, that means I need to be more interesting. If people are really excited that I'm back, it would probably seem like I'd be in pretty good shape. Stylelife: I like that. Do you think that the average person would be able to use this stuff? Stringer: I think that the average person could use this stuff and achieve success. Stylelife: Where would you recommend somebody to start, if they were just starting out?
Stringer: I would recommend that they start by reading something that either Byron or the other Stylelife coaches have written. I would recommend getting on the Stylelife Academy and checking out the forums, to learn from that. I also would recommend that people take the Ultimate Training Program in order to get a really strong foundation. They’ll get the introduction from Neil Strauss, because Neil's the guy who wrote The Game. A lot of people know that. If you don't know that then I would say start there; read The Game. Most people know that now, so I would say go ahead. If you haven't read The Game, read it. Secondly, take the Ultimate Training Program, where you're going to get all sorts of great advice from the Stylelife Coaches and Neil Strauss. Stylelife: Great. For the last question, I want to know if you can share a story with us, about a time you used these techniques and you saw something actually shift from your usage of one of these techniques, like a tale from the field. Stringer: Sure. Gosh. Let me nail them down, my friend. Let me tell you the story about how I met my current girlfriend. There was a moment when I first met her, when I realized that the man that I was before had no chance at all at attracting her, because she was full of shit tests. She was very flirty when I met her. Which to me before, I would have misinterpreted her flirting as being offended, not interested in me. She was just giving me a hard time, like girls will do when they're flirting. Stylelife, in general, equipped me with the idea that I could just walk by, I could banter back and forth, and reply with interesting comments maybe about something that I was wearing. For instance, when I first met my girlfriend, she commented that the lion lapel on my jacket was interesting, and said that it reminded her of the Wizard of Oz. Some guys might be offended by that or might react negatively to that comment, but it actually lead right into an identity story for me that was
really powerful, and really changed her mind. For her, just saying something off-handed in a joking way, I was really able to connect with her. I think that that moment right there, where I was able to respond to her lead banter with something that actually touched her, and allowed her to emotionally connect with me. That was a moment when I really saw the game changing of who I was and my idea of what was really possible in the world. Stylelife: Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. I do think that having met your girlfriend, I can say she's an incredible human being. Having met you, I can say you’re an incredible human being. I am excited that you were able to meet her and connect in the way that you have, because you two deserve each other. I just want to give you an amazing congratulations on all your success. Very nice stuff man. Stringer:
Thanks Jay. Thank you sir.
Stylelife:
You rock. ________________________
What Are 3 "Must Have" Characteristics In A Man? What Are Your Tips For Our Sheepish, Embarrassed Guy? Read the interviews with Dash and Jahmelia. What do these women think about life, love, attraction and seduction: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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Chapter 29: Underlying Principles: A Conversation About How to Never Use Another Line Again and Still Succeed Stylelife: What was the #1 most impactful lesson you learned while studying the art of attraction and seduction? Nic: I have to pick two. Learning by principles and identity. The lesson of learning by principles is to look beyond the tactics and techniques and find out the underlying principle that makes them work. What is so valuable about that lesson, is that once you learn the principle, you can develop an infinite number of techniques that are more congruent with your personality and your style. By learning principles, you’ll truly be learning seduction and start becoming a seductive person instead of learning lines and becoming a social robot. The other lesson is in regards to identity. I asked Byron what the biggest challenge was that he would see in students trying to learn seduction. His answer was something along these lines: The students that have the toughest time are the ones that hold more tightly to the identity they think they have. They are afraid to do things differently because they think that they will lose who they are. They don’t understand that it is not about being someone else but about accessing aspects of who they already are at the right time. For example, we all have moments when we are serious, moments when we are funny, moments when we are sexual, etc. But not every state is appropriate all the time. Being flexible in your identity is about knowing and being comfortable with all the shades of your own personality so you can access them when you need to. The lesson here then, is that If you don’t get past the idea that your identity is flexible instead of rigid and you don’t commit to
developing that flexibility, you will have a very limited range of women that you will attract. Stylelife:
How do you use seduction to enhance your life?
Nic: Any skill that involves communicating with other human beings can be enhanced with the principles of seduction, so beyond using them to bring more women into my life, I also use them in business, marketing, making new friends, influencing people, and negotiation. I also feel that the study of seduction has motivated me to pay attention to several aspects of my life that I didn’t work on as much as I should have, like my health, fitness and overall wellbeing. Stylelife:
How has your life changed since studying seduction?
Nic: Realizing that seduction was an art that could be learned and not something that you had to be born with allowed me to go after what I wanted instead of feeling like a victim of random circumstances. That, to me, is the most important change and it translates to many other areas of my life. But there are also the obvious benefits of feeling more comfortable with who I am, meeting more people, living more adventures, and having more sex. Stylelife: What was the most difficult concept for you to grasp in your study and how did you overcome the challenge? Nic: Flexibility of identity. It is not a difficult concept to understand but a very difficult skill to master. I will also say that it’s the one that will create the most significant change and improvement.
Accessing specific aspects of your personality on command is challenging. I feel like I have gotten better at it and have grown to feel more comfortable summoning different shades of my own personality depending on what the situation requires. The way I get better is by pushing to do things that feel out of character for me in the moment. I might make mistakes, feel uncomfortable, and even lose the girl, but the extra flexibility I gain in my identity is well worth the price. Stylelife: Was there any particular technique that you found especially helpful? Nic: One of my favorite techniques is Identity Storytelling. When this becomes second nature, you have unlimited material and you get to display your identity in the most fluent, authentic and efficient way possible. Stylelife: Can you share a specific story from your life, where you used the lessons to accomplish something great? Nic: To me a good seduction happens when I can bring new girls into my life without interfering with the long term relationship I have with the girl I love. To do that, I have to make sure that I plan a good seduction, manage expectations properly, and be very strategic about how I deal with the new women that come into my life. Without the lessons I learned, I wouldn’t be able to have the best of both worlds. ________________________ What Do Women Think About Love, Attraction and Seduction? Read the interviews with April, Noemi, Nicole and Cooper. What do these women think about life, love, attraction and seduction: http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train or text your email address to (310) 589-3568
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