Attract and Keep Her by Jim Wolfe

 

 Attract and Keep Her By Jim Wolfe Copyright © 2016 James D. Wolfe  All Rights Reserved www.attractandkeepher.com  www.attractandkeepher.com 

DISCLAIMER AND TERMS OF USE AGREEMENT The author and publisher of this Ebook and accompanying materials have used their best efforts in preparing this Ebook. The author and publisher make no representation or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness c ompleteness of the contents of this Ebook. The information contained in this Ebook is strictly for educational purposes. Therefore, if you wish to apply ideas contained in this Ebook, you are taking full responsibility for your actions. The author and publisher disclaim any warranties (express or implied), merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable to any party for any direct, indirect, punitive, special, incidental, or other consequential damages arising directly or indirectly from any use u se of this material, which is provided “as is,” and without warranties. The author and publisher do not warrant the performance, effectiveness, or applicability of any sites listed or linked to in this Ebook.  All links are for information purposes only and are not warranted for content, accuracy, or any other implied or explicit purpose. Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals. This Ebook is © copyrighted by James D. Wolfe and is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state, and local laws, with ALL rights reserved. No part of this may be copied, or changed in any format, sold, or used in any way other than what is outlined within this Ebook under any circumstances without express permission from James D. Wolfe.

 

 

TABLE OF CONTENTS 

Introduction Introduction   YOU   Chapter One: The Foundation: YOU Chapter Two: Busting Dating and Relationship Myths  Myths  Chapter Three: The Four Phases of Romantic Relationships and the SOI Scale  Scale  Chapter Four: Phase 1: Access and Attraction  Attraction  Chapter Five: Phase 2: Increase SOI and Escalation  Escalation  Lon g-Term Relationship Maintenance and Mate Assessment  Chapter Six: Phase 3: Long-Term Assessment  Marriage   Chapter Seven: Phase 4: Established Relationship and/or Marriage Chapter Eight: Your Dating and Relationship Vision: What Do You Want? Want?   Closing   Closing Epilogue  Epilogue 

Attractandkeepher.com

4

 

 

INTRODUCTION INTRODUCTION   I commend you.  Your willingness to learn the fine art and science of relating to women makes makes you a fantastic human being, in my opinion. This isn’t a competition, but just by reading this book, you are MILES ahead of most men. It takes guts to admit we have something to learn in this area. Well done. It can be hard enough just to get a date with a woman you really like. Having a happy, healthy long-term relationship is even more difficult. diffi cult. This book will help you with all stages of dating and relationships no matter what your situation happens to be right now. My goal is to make sure you’re armed with all the knowledge you need to be successful with women so that you never feel like you have to settle for anything less than what you truly desire. While this book is about your dating life, the way you relate to women affects the quality of all your interpersonal relationships. It has a large effect on your personal happiness.  And if you decide to get married married and/or have children, you’ll pass the way way you relate to women down to future generations. Learning these skills is much more important than most people think.  And the thing is we have to learn  these  these skills. Why do we need to learn this stuff? Why do we need to learn about attraction, love, dating, and relationships? Why isn't our ability with women "natural?"

Attractandkeepher.com

5

 

 

Well, to a large degree, we all have h ave some natural tendencies that are attractive to women. So it's just a matter of increasing in creasing our current level of attractiveness by eliminating beliefs and behaviors that prevent us from getting what we want and adding beneficial ones. The men who do well with women without ever studying the subject seem like they have some kind of in-born in -born characteristic that makes them successful, but in reality they  just learned how to interact with women effectively from other people around around them at an early age or they had h ad success by trial-and-error and then had positive p ositive reference experiences that reinforced their attractive behaviors.  And long-term relationship relationship skills aren’t “natural” because because healthy, satisfying relationships are not a requirement for childbirth.

Even though the quality of your close relationships is one of the most important aspects of your personal happiness, good relationships are simply not necessary for survival. The very   few few people who grow up with the ability to have happy, healthy, functional relationships were lucky enough to learn those skills and behaviors from the people around them. The point is that you learned the way you currently relate to women and that’s great because it means you can learn a new way starting right now.

There’s no such thing as a “natural” because those guys just learned  what  what you’re about to learn earlier in their lives. So, once you implement the principles in this book, you’ll be just as much of a natural as anyone else. Whatever your goals are when it comes to dating and relationships, you will find this book helpful. Most attraction experts don’t talk much about having a satisfying long-term relationship and most relationship experts ignore the importance of maintaining attraction.

I intend to give you a solid understanding of both the dynamics of attraction and satisfying long-term relationships. By the end of this book, you’ll have a much better understanding of how to attract and keep the women you really want. You’ll also have a clear understanding of where

Attractandkeepher.com

6

 

you’ve gone wrong in the past so you can correct your mistakes and enjoy new levels of success. No matter what got you here, even if it involves lots of pain, you can be sure of one thing now: you’re definitely on the right track. What makes this book unique is that it covers all phases of you yourr interactions with women so you’ll have a complete roadmap that you can refer back to any time.  You’ll know exactly where you are, where you’re headed, and and what to do whether you’re in a relationship at the moment or not.  You’ll also know exactly what to to look for in a long-term partner. If you decide to get married, it’s important to recognize what you’re getting into. Beyond the opportunity cost of not being able to connect with other potential mates, the average wedding costs around $30,000 in the US today. If you get divorced, which is fairly likely, the financial, emotional, and legal toll is real. The average divorce costs between $15,000 and $30,000. You’ll most likely take a big hit to your confidence. You might even lose the right to raise your own children. Divorce is a $50 billion-a-year industry. I’d like to start bankrupting it today by arming you with the knowledge you need to make a solid decision when it comes to whether or not you get married and whom you marry, and to keep your marriage satisfying if you do.  As we continue to live longer and and longer, the ability to create great great relationships becomes increasingly important. I think it’s a very different thing to get married and then live to age 30-50 as most people throughout history have than it is to get married and then live to age 80, 90, or even 120 as some estimates say our generation (millennials) will. Right now, if you get married when you’re 30, you may end up being married for 90 years or more if you don’t get divorced. Let that roll around in your mind.  A woman feeling deep, deep, genuine attraction, respect, and love for you indefinitely is not the same thing as a woman marrying you.

I would argue that most married women don’t feel that way about their husbands. This book is about inspiring and maintaining those feelings in the women who are truly right for you, whether you decide to marry them or not. Attractandkeepher.com

7

 

 And, if you struggle with dating and relationships, relationships, you’re not alone. Only 10-30% (30% is the highest estimate I've seen from all the research I've pored over) of marriages are happy, healthy, and functional. fu nctional. That means that the majority of people who get married, 70-90%, are NOT in a happy, healthy marriage. I don’t know about you, but that's a real wakeup call for me. Relationship quality is a huge problem today, and whether or not you choose to get married at some point, learning attraction and relationship skills will give you a better chance of having a happy, satisfying dating life. If you happen to be single at the moment, don't think that everyone else out there is having some kind of amazing wild party that you're missing. Ignore the social media photos of “happy” couples. The reality of the state of most relationships is pretty bad no matter how they appear. Just because someone’s in a relationship, dating multiple people, or married doesn't mean their life is better than yours. While the estimates of the percentage of happy, healthy, h ealthy, functional marriages show that having a high-quality relationship is difficult, they also tell us that it’s possible. A few people are doing it well and I hope this book allows you to be one of them if that’s something you want. This book will help you figure out what you really want when it comes to women so you’ll always know where you stand and show you how to get it so you’ll never have to settle. Whether you’re single, already married, or recently divorced, this book bo ok will help you move forward in the best possible way from f rom exactly where you are right now. WHAT WE WILL COVER: 1. The Fo Founda undatio tion: n: YOU 2. Dati Dating ng and Re Relatio lationship nship Myt Myths hs 3. The Four Pha Phases ses of Roma Romantic ntic Relat Relationship ionshipss 4. Your Dat Dating ing and Rel Relatio ationship nship Visi Vision on

Attractandkeepher.com

8

 

 Attracting her, keeping her, and and creating a healthy, satisfying satisfying relationship with her are skills you can learn. I'd love to create a program that makes you a natural with women and install it directly into your brain. If I could do that, I would. This Thi s book is the best we can do in the meantime. This book is the result of more than 13 years of intense academic and informal study of dating and relationships, original research I conducted for my master’s degree, personal experience, and making almost every mistake you can make. It’s the book I wish I had when I was younger. I encourage you to let this book serve as a framework for everything else you learn about dating and relationships. If there's one thing I can tell you after studying dating and relationships for over 13 years now, it's that there’s always more we can learn. I’ll be continuing to learn about these subjects for as long as I live and I invite you to  join me.  You may find yourself resisting some of the the ideas in this book at first because they go against some of your current beliefs and the currents of culture. The ideas you come across may also engage your ego a little bit. That’s completely normal and okay. It’s impossible to be more successful without changing some of the beliefs that are currently holding you back, but that doesn’t mean the changes won’t be painful. Just keep in mind that the results you get in your life over the long-term will be worth the temporary pain of adjusting the way you see things a little bit. When you come across something that you disagree with or feel resistance to, I encourage you to think deeply about it. Take a walk and let it roll around.  Ask yourself why you’re resisting it.  Ask yourself what you think is really true. Decide for yourself. Then, use it or discard it. This book’s for you and what you do with the information is 100% up to you. I don’t necessarily “like” all of the realities that come with dating and relationships, but resisting them is a losing strategy. What I know for sure is that I can’t change the way things work.

Attractandkeepher.com

9

 

Reality can be hard to accept, but the more you accept the way things really are, the better you’ll do with women. I recommend reading the whole book from f rom beginning to end the first time because the principles in every section are related to each other and things that seem not to apply right now will actually help the lessons go deeper, but of course how you use this book is up to you. So, feel free to skip a section and come back to it later if it doesn’t apply to you right now. And, if you notice that an idea is repeated, it’s very much on purpose. Remember that the principles in this book are not powerful in and of themselves. The principles found here represent potential power that becomes real power when you apply them in your real life. Knowing them isn’t enough.  You’ll be successful in direct proportion proportion to the amount you embody and take take action on these principles. That’s why we start with YOU; you’ll need courage to stick to the principles and the strength to resist the pull of society’s conditioning at every turn. It’s up to you to boldly take action in the direction of what you truly desire. Let's do this.

Attractandkeepher.com

10

 

ONE   CHAPTER ONE The Foundation: YOU Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.  –  – Seneca

In order to attract and keep her, she sh e must be convinced that you  are  are the prize, not the other way around. This book will show you how to encourage her to see you that way from the first moment you meet her and keep seeing you that way forever.  And the way she sees you is mostly based on your beha behavior. vior. So, if you simply behave like  an  an attractive man, she’ll be attracted to you. However, everything’s easier, more fun, more natural, more sustainable, and healthier if you actually are  an  an attractive man. It’s much easier to keep dating her long-term if you end up really liking her. And, she’ll be getting a better deal too. When you’re interested in a woman, there are five ways you can try to convince her to like you: 1. You ca can n beg h her er to lilike ke you. That would include verbally telling her how you feel, complimenting her, buying her gifts, buying her flowers, writing her poems, writing her letters, and anything else you do to try to manipulate her into liking you. 2. You can pu putt her down or a act ct like you do don’t n’t want h her. er. That way, by taking some of her value, yours might rise in comparison. 3. You can try to show her how m much uch better you are than other other men (and/or her).

Attractandkeepher.com

11

 

 

That would include telling her h er about your job, car, degrees, titles, famous friends, f riends, wealth, medals, achievements, and anything else you think might impress her by showing her that you’re better than other people. 4. You can act like you’re the prize and let her convince herself. 5. You can be the prize. The first 3 ways are all trying to get something or take something from her. Begging her to like you is trying to get her approval. Putting her down is trying to take some of her value to make your value appear  higher.  higher. Trying to convince her to like you because you’re better than other people is trying to add the value of external things to your true internal value to make it appear higher than it actually is.  A truly valuable, attractive man doesn’t need to do any any of those things. This book will focus on ways 4 and 5. That way, you’ll be approaching dating from an abundant, attractive, healthy, giving frame instead of a needy, taking frame. You’ll actually be the prize and you won’t have to prove it.  You’ll simply be a highly valuable man man and you won’t have to convince her of anything. It will just be the truth.  Any time you try to convince her to like or love you, through your words or behavior, you’ve started to lose her. That’s called “qualifying” (or begging) and it’s unattractive. Trying to convince her or trying to “get” her will only push her away. The best way to convince her that you’re the prize is to convince yourself of your own value first. Why should she think you’re the prize if you don’t?

If you don’t genuinely believe in your value, you’re in for problems at some point. So let’s take care of what’s going on inside your head before we do anything else.  As ironic as it sounds coming from a book about how to attract attract and keep your ideal women, the first thing to do is stop trying so hard to get women. The less you need, the more you’ll get.  And it’s not in a defensive, “I don’t need a woman to be happy!” kind of way. It’s more like, “I love myself and my life so much that even though I really want her I will also be

Attractandkeepher.com

12

 

 

completely fine if it doesn’t doesn ’t work out with her.” That’s the golden attitude that will get you maximum results. She’ll feel your desire and  your  your lack of need at the same time. Nothing is more attractive.  And it’s difficult to actlife. that way and feel that way unless you get a handle on your internal and external So, we’ll cover the specific behaviors that attract and keep her in this book, but first, let’s start with YOU. This chapter covers 3 main things that will make you stronger and skyrocket your success with women: 1. Believing that you are the prize. 2. Building your dating safety net. 3. Developing the 4 attractive male qualities. It’s time to start believing that you are the prize at a fundamental level. Then, Then , we’ll build everything else from there.  You are Attractive I love the story of The Wizard of Oz  because  because it so closely resembles the way life works. In the film, Scarecrow explains that he would be awesome "if [he] only had a brain." Tin Man wants a heart. The Cowardly Lion wants courage.  And Dorothy wants to go home. They go on a long, arduous journey to attain these qualities only to find out that the Wizard isn't real and that they had the qualities they were seeking all along. Have you ever thought something like, li ke, "When I get X, then she'll want me," or, "When I have X quality, I might be able to get her," or, "If only I had a better car..." etc.? If so, take a lesson from The Wizard of Oz  right  right now and start finding evidence that you're already an attractive man.

Attractandkeepher.com

13

 

 

I want you to come up with one solid piece of evidence that you’re attractive to women right now. It doesn't matter how small it is. It can be from any time in the past or present. If Jenny looked at you a little funny in second grade and that's all you can think of, count it. Just come up with something. For some of you, this will be easy. In that case, find one piece of solid evidence that you’re the most attractive man on earth or 5 pieces of evidence that you’re attractive. Then, look for at least one piece of evidence from your past or present that you’re attractive every day for the next 30 days. I challenge you to try this for 30 days and see if it affects your life. If it’s i t’s helping, keep doing it. If it doesn't do anything for you, drop it. I care about your results, not magic pills. Here’s the truth: you already have the quality of attractiveness.  You don’t have to do anything more to get it and you don’t have to prove it to yourself or anyone else. Remember, oak trees grow from tiny seeds. Your belief in your attractiveness is just like a muscle that we can train until it gets bigger no matter how small it is to begin with.  All you have to do is start where you are now and grow it. When you start to believe that you’re attractive, even just a little bit, it starts to influence your behaviors and habits. h abits. Then, you’ll actually become more attractive in your real life. Then, your belief gets even stronger and the cycle keeps going.  Your self-beliefs affect the way way you walk, the way you talk, the the way you look at her, the way you respond to her tests, and everything else you do when it comes to dating. It’s not magic at all, but the way w ay you see yourself definitely has a large impact on your real results. The way you currently see yourself is already affecting your dating success. If you don’t believe that you’re attractive, you’ll eventually show it, and then she’ll stop being attracted to you. So make sure your beliefs are serving you.

Attractandkeepher.com

14

 

 

Remember: the more convinced you are that you’re attractive, the easier it will be to convince her. Do whatever it takes. Believe that You’re the Prize In order to truly believe in yourself and your value to her so you don’t have to beg for her approval, put her down, or prove that you’re better than anyone: 1. Accept yourself completely exactly as you are right now.

There’s nothing wrong with you.  You don’t need a better body, body, a better car, a better house, a promo promotion, tion, more women, or more stuff. You can pursue those things if you want, but you’re good enough already.  You never have to prove yourself or convince anyone anyone of your value. It’s just there. Even if you try to prove yourself, it will never be enough. No matter what you do, you can always be better.  You’ll never be perfect or get get to a place where tthere’s here’s nothing more that you desire. There will always be someone who’s “better” than you. It’s a mirage to chase feeling good about yourself later. You’ll keep running on that hamster wheel forever. The truth is that you’re good enough exactly as you are right now.

We’ll go forward from here. 2. Remove judgement.

If you stop judging other people, it will also help you accept yourself. Don’t worry about what other people are doing wrong in their lives. If you have advice for someone else, apply it to your own life instead. Focus only on yourself as you learn and grow. 3. Increase your self-worth.

Who determines your value as a man?  Your culture doesn’t, your family doesn’t, doesn’t, your friends don’t, and women don’t. don’t. Attractandkeepher.com

15

 

 

From now on, you do. The most successful men believe in their own value unconditionally. Self-worth isn’t something you earn; it’s something that you CLAIM (you can claim it right now). Self-worth isn’t the same thing as cockiness or narcissism because you’re not saying that you’re better than anyone else. It’s just that, in your reality, you’ve y ou’ve decided that you’re awesome.

 “I’m not better or worse than anyone else; I’m just awesome.” T That’s hat’s what genuine self-worth sounds like. Try repeating that statement every time you leave your you r house.  Your value is always there, assumed assumed and implied in everything you think, say, say, and do. Remember that you alone decide how much you’re worth. You determine your real value. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It only on ly matters what you think. That’s why it’s called self-worth. I encourage you to decide that you’re infinitely valuable just because you exist. The truth is that there’s an infinite amount of value to go around. It’s not a limited resource. You don’t have to try to get more of it by begging for it, putting other people down, or competing with others for it.  You just have it. At all times. times. No matter what what’s ’s happening. When you have a high level of self-worth, nobody can take that value from you. And nobody has to waste energy trying to make m ake you feel better about yourself. You never have to wait for someone else or an external event to come along and validate you. The interesting thing about validation is that you give it to yourself no matter what. Even if it appears that the external world is validating you, you just decided that because of some external stimulus or outcome you deserved  to  to feel validated, so you let  yourself  yourself feel that validation. So now you can consistently validate yourself and make yourself feel good. When you recognize your value and reinforce it by validating yourself, your self-worth becomes real value that you can share with the women you date and everyone else you meet. Attractandkeepher.com

16

 

 

4. Actively look for evidence that you’re awesome every day.

It’s easy to see the negative, so it’s important to train your mind to llook ook for the positive.  You don’t have to prove anything because because your value is always there, but any time something happens that reinforces your positive view of yourself, notice it and celebrate it. 5. Take great care of yourself. 6. Stay healthy and fit. 7. Create a life that makes you feel happy, fulfilled, attractive, strong, and valuable with or without her. 8. Learn the male qualities that are naturally attractive to women. 9. Develop those attractive qualities within yourself.

We’ll talk about 7-9 in detail later in this chapter. If you do all of these things, it will be easy to believe in the value you can offer her.  You’ll start to genuinely believe that you’re the prize.  And that belief will make it much much easier to do what it takes to attract and keep her. When you genuinely believe in your value, your body language and other non-verbal cues will show it. She’ll feel it before you ever open your mouth.

More women will be attracted to you because of your body language and the other non-verbal cues that you give off automatically.  You’ll also notice more of the women women who are interested in you than you did before because you’ll be expecting women to be attracted to you.  And more women will stay attracted to you because you’ll be able to maintain the fra frame me that you’re the prize when you actually believe it’s true. There’s no such thing as a magic pill, but truly believing in your value is the closest thing that exists in real life.

If you genuinely  believed  believed that you were the most attractive man on the planet and you always acted like it, you’d never have h ave to learn anything more about dating and you’d y ou’d get the results you want.

Attractandkeepher.com

17

 

 

Learning dating and relationship tactics and skills is important, but every single one of them is amplified or limited by your beliefs and level of emotional control. If you don’t believe in your value and love your life, you’ll become needy at some point and lose her or you’ll you’ ll still be miserable even if you “get” her because you’ll soon realize that being with her hasn’t solved your problems.

Dating her long-term will be a struggle. So, this book starts with YOU because you are by far the most important element in your dating and relationship success. su ccess.  After all, at the end of the day, this book is really about your happiness. happiness. Who cares if you “get” women but you still hate yourself and your life? It’s time to become a highly valuable man for yourself on your own terms. Then, you can share your awesome self with the fantastic women who earn it. It’s All About YOU If you stop and think about it for a minute, your experience of everything that happens in your dating life and relationships takes place inside your own mind. So let’s make that place as awesome as possible before we attract and keep her. I want you to imagine your ideal woman for a moment. Get a good image of her gorgeous self going in your mind. She’s amazing, right? Now, imagine her feeling deeply attracted to you. She keeps meeting up with you and you’re having the time of your life with her.  You like her more every time time you see her and you can tell tell she feels the same wa wayy about you. Now, picture yourself doing everything right and experiencing her falling in love with you.  You can hardly believe it.  You’re finally with the woman you really really want. It feels amazing.

Attractandkeepher.com

18

 

 

Now, imagine that you’re still in a relationship with her a few years llater. ater. She’s still the awesome person you wanted and she still loves you.  And yet, something feels a little off. One day, as you’re sitting on the couch with her, you realize that you feel completely alone even though she’s sitting right there with you.  You’re miserable even though though you’re in a relationship with the woman woman you really want to be with. It’s a horrible, terrifying feeling. That’s basically what happened to me a few years ago and I don’t want it to happen to you. I thought that once I had my ideal woman my life would be complete, but that was a dangerous lie. I learned the hard way that only you can make yourself and your life complete. Expecting another person to do it is i s unfair and impossible. If you expect her to make your life complete or make you happy, you’ll be approaching dating from a taking frame where you’re trying to get something. If you’re happy, fulfilled, whole, and complete on your own you’ll be able to approach dating from a giving frame fr ame where you can create something with her that makes both of your lives better. So while this book will help you achieve all your goals when it comes to dating and relationships, let’s make sure you can enjoy it i t when it happens. So, ask yourself, why do you want her? It sounds like an easy question at first, but when you look at it more closely, iitt becomes less clear. If you just want her because of sexual attraction, you could simply save your money for high-end escorts. So that can’t be the whole story. If you just want good company, you can get that from men. So that can’t be all of it. Take a few seconds right now and think about the women you’re interested in. Why do you want them? Do you want them to fill a void in your life?

Attractandkeepher.com

19

 

 

Do you want them to feel good about yourself? If the answer is anything other than to add another awesome aspect and even more happiness to your already fantastic, happy life, then we have some work to do. No woman can make you happy, but the right woman for you can add to your happiness.

In order for you to add real value to her life and come from a giving frame (abundance) instead of a taking frame (neediness), you must get your life handled first. fi rst. There’s no way around it. Remember that women are an incredible bonus in your life; they aren’t the main thing. No matter how awesome she is, you’ll always end up right back here with you. That’s why this book stars with YOU. No dating tactics or understandings can ever make up for any void you feel inside.

There are no shortcuts. If you want unconditional love, you can only get it from a dog or give gi ve it to yourself.  A woman’s love is always conditional.

It’s based on your behavior and we’ll talk about what behaviors increase and decrease her feelings for you throughout this book. But it’s up to you to love yourself unconditionally because nobody else will. If you’re not happy, whole, and complete all on your own, no woman will ever be enough for you. So make sure you love yourself and your life FIRST, and then lead worthy females into your awesome reality. Never try to fill a wound or what’s missing in your life with another person.

Being able to attract women doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be happy and fulfilled in your life. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a “good person.” Being happy and fulfilled and being a “good man” are 100% your responsibility and those things are separate from your relationship with her. h er.

Attractandkeepher.com

20

 

 

If you think she’ll solve your problems or make you happy, you’re in for serious disappointment and relationship problems down the road.

The best possible way to get what you want when it comes to women is to create a life that you love with or without her and  develop  develop the qualities and behaviors she finds attractive at the same time. Become the Prize It’s always your job to make yourself happy and fulfilled whether you’re with her or not. Not only is that the only way to truly enjoy your life, it also provides you with  “insurance” when it comes to to dating that makes ev everything erything easier. If you’re happy, fulfilled, whole, and complete with or without her, you’ll be able to adopt an abundance mindset when it comes to women and it will skyrocket your success.  You’ll be able to walk away away more easily and tolerat tolerate e more uncertainty and tension.  And, she’ll be getting real value value from you because you can inspire her to love herself and her life also just by your example. You won’t be trying to get something from her.  Your attentions will be a true true gift.  You will truly be the prize.  And the more you love yourself and your life, the higher quality women you can attract attract and keep. That’s the foundation of a great relationship, so if you skip this now you’ll have to come back to it later. l ater. I guarantee it. So let’s just start working on it right now. Build Your Dating Safety Net Building your dating safety net is about creating a life that allows you to feel good whether any particular woman likes you or not. Having a strong dating safety net will make you more naturally attractive to every woman you meet. It will give you more confidence because you know it will catch you no matter what happens with her. It will make it easier to take risks, face rejection, and walk away from her if necessary. And, more importantly, it will help you enjoy your life no matter what happens with any particular woman.

Attractandkeepher.com

21

 

 

Building your dating safety net has 7 steps: 1. Actively love yourself.

Loving yourself means expressing your high self-worth through your thoughts, words, and actions. It means taking great care of yourself yo urself and treating yourself well. Her love is always conditional, so it’s your job to love yourself unconditionally. This might sound strange, but one really good way to practice self-love is to look yourself in the mirror (look at yourself in the eye) and say, “I love you.” If that makes you uncomfortable, I challenge you to do it until it feels normal. Try doing it just once a day. It should get easier over time. It was really weird for me the first time I did it, but now it seems like the most normal thing in the world. Try this for a week and see what happens: Any time you find your mind wandering or you aren’t using your brain for something important, just repeat, “I love myself” in a matter-of-fact, normal tone over and over again in your mind.  Also, any time you catch yourself thinking negative negative thoughts about yourself or saying nasty things to yourself, STOP. If you wouldn’t talk to a friend that way, don’t talk to yourself that way. Never berate yourself or yell at yourself. If you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up. Let it go, learn from it if possible, and move forward.  Also, don’t expect her to take care of you. If you do, you’ll end up trying to control her and your relationship will suffer.  As an adult, you’re 100% responsible for taking care of yourself unless you’re physically physically or mentally unable to do so. So, ask yourself the following questions: Do I take great care of myself?  Am I getting enough sleep? Do I seek medical attention when necessary? Do the things I eat and drink express how much I value myself? Do I work out enough? Do I work out too much?

Attractandkeepher.com

22

 

 

Do my clothes express my authentic confidence? Does the way I manage my finances fin ances express my self-worth? Do the people I choose to spend most of my time with reinforce rei nforce my self-worth and selfacceptance? Do my hobbies reflect my true self? self ? Does my career express how much I value myself? Does the way I spend my time reflect my truest self?  Am I doing everything I can to take take care of myself so I can can be in a positive stat state e as often as possible and share it with other people instead of trying to get something from them?  Am I watching things, reading things, things, and listening to music that rreinforces einforces my self-love or do I need to adjust the messages that are coming in? How would I act if I loved myself completely? If I loved myself completely, what would I do differently? What would I need to change to fully express my self-love in the “real world” via my every day actions and habits?

 Answering these questions will allow allow you to change your thoughts, behaviors, and and habits over time. Your level of self-love will grow as you keep telling yourself how much you love yourself on a regular basis and as you demonstrate it through everything you do. If you don’t actively love yourself and take great care of yourself, you’ll eventually be unhappy in any relationship.  Your own level of self-esteem is one one of the strongest predictors predictors of how satisfied you’ll be in a relationship with a woman, so make sure you cultivate it within yourself and date women who have it as well.  Always remember that that you’re responsible for loving yourself unconditionally beca because use she never will. And, the more you love yourself, the stronger and more attractive you’ll be. 2. Deal with your issues and get your emotional life handled.

Attractandkeepher.com

23

 

 

If you have issues from the past, work through them so you don’t drag them into your relationships with women. Learn to tell better stories about things that have happened to you and about who you are. Re-claim your power. Get help if you need it. Realize that it’s your interpretations of events that create your emotional states, not the events themselves. Re-frame your interpretations so that they serve you better while still being truthful. Remember that you are 100% responsible for your y our emotions. From now on, you determine how you feel, not external events or other people. Learn to give yourself positive emotions consistently. Remember that you  are  are the cause   of your life, not the effect . Nobody “makes you feel” anything. Nothing has to change. Nobody else has to change. Only you and your interpretations of reality have to change if you decide you want to be happier and have better emotional control. Let go of everything you can’t control and focus only on what you can.  Also, realize that your emotions emotions are merely biological suggestions. suggestions. I encourage you to experience and express them fully, not repress them. Feel them completely, embrace them, find out the information they have for you, and then decide what to do. When you process an emotion completely like that, it will go away and then you can move forward.  Any time you feel a little down or feel like you might need a little external external validation, give it to yourself instead of waiting for the world to give it to you. Put yourself in a good state over and over again. Being able to positively influence your own internal state at will is incredibly powerful and liberating. Once you’re able to do it on a regular basis you can share your great state with the women you date instead of expecting them to make you feel good. Then, they’ll consider you an emotional leader. Of course, we want to feel all of our emotions and resist non none e of them as practice, but your default setting should be a positive internal state of being that you create for yourself.

Attractandkeepher.com

24

 

 

 You don’t want to be “fake” happy. You just want to make make your “default state” a ass positive and healthy as possible. Emotional stability is absolutely critical to having an enduring, healthy, satisfying relationship with a woman.  As the male in male/female male/female dynamics, you have 2 ma main in jobs: 1. Logistical Coordinator (set up dates, times, activities, etc.). 2. Emotional Leader  Your emotional leadership is where your true value lies to her. The more you have your emotional life handled and the more strong emotions you can spark in her, the more real value you have to her.

 You’ll be able to attract and keep higher-quality women beca because use you can only keep women who are equally or less emotionally stable as you.  And you can be genuinely confident with women because because you know they’re getting a great deal with you. One of the reasons women love guys in bands (besides their social status, perceived resources, perceived preselection, unconcerned attitude, and interesting lifestyle) is that they make large groups of people feel strong emotions. How you make her feel is much more important than what you say or what your resume says. Does she care what you look like? Of course (although recent studies show that if she’s the more physically attractive one, both of you will be happier). We take care of ourselves physically because we know this. We maximize the looks we have by doing everything within our control to be healthy and fit. Does she care about your social status and resources? r esources? Of course. If you had h ad to choose between two equally attractive, awesome women and one of them was a billionaire billion aire and the other worked for minimum mini mum wage, which woman would you choose? So we take care of our financial lives and make sure that we have the basics like insurance and money to send our children to college covered. Attractandkeepher.com

25

 

 

That’s attractive to the sweetest, least “gold-digging” women. But at the end of the day, the slightly less ph physically ysically attractive, slightly less wealthy guy who makes her feel all kinds of strong emotions and who is in charge of his emotional life is the most attractive guy in the world.  And there’s an extreme shortage shortage of guys like that right now. now.

That’s why you can know for sure you are of real value if you get your internal life handled. By the end of this book you’ll know how to give her a wide variety of strong emotions and how to increase and maintain her love for you. But it’s up to you to handle your own emotional life. How can you be the emotional leader if you don’t have your own emotional life handled first?

That’s another reason this book starts with YOU. Handle your emotional life first and then share it with her. Or, if you’re already in a relationship, start getting yourself together now and pulling her up with you by example. Remember that she gets to feel how you feel. For example, if you’re generally excited about your life, guess how she feels around you?  And I’m not talking about “fake” “fake” happiness or trite positivity. I mean you really have your internal life handled so you genuinely enjoy it most of the time. If you feel completely comfortable with yourself, yours elf, she feels comfortable around you too. If you accept yourself, she feels accepted too. She won’t feel judged by you if you don’t  judge yourself harshly. If you feel attractive, she gets to feel f eel that way around you. If you feel intense desire for her but no pressure to make something happen, how do you think she gets to feel? If you love yourself, guess how she feels about you?

Remember: The more you love yourself, the more she can love you.

Attractandkeepher.com

26

 

 

 And it works the other way also. If you feel bad about yourself or your life, she’ she’llll feel that way around you too. If you feel pressure to make something happen, she’ll feel pressure when she’s with you. If you feel like you need her to be happy, she’ll feel a sense of lack around you. So, your job is to put yourself into the most dominantly positive state possible as often as possible and then share it with her. h er.  And you don’t have to try to actively actively change how she’s feeling in any given moment moment either. Just take care of your own emotional life so it provides a solid foundation for the two of you to build on. Never expect her to make you feel better. That’s your job. 3. Make yourself happy.

 You are 100% responsible for your own own happiness. Never expect or ask anyone else to make you happy. Consistently expressing gratitude and pursuing your genuine genuin e desires has been shown to increase how happy you’ll feel over time. Make them habits. Express gratitude daily.

Every day, write down at least 5 things you’re genuinely grateful for and allow yourself to stop and feel deep gratitude for each one. Take action toward your true desires (no matter how small) every day.

Do things you enjoy and look forward to. Stop doing things you don’t want to do. Plan little things you’re excited about doing every week and plan one big thing you’re really excited about doing every year. The more you do things you really want to do and the less you do things you don’t want to do, the better state you’ll be in. You’ll be much more fun to be around. You’ll be much more attractive.

Attractandkeepher.com

27

 

 

Doing things just to please pl ease others kills your spirit and your attractiveness. Having the courage to remain true to yourself regardless of what others think makes you irresistible. Remember that one of the top 5 regrets of people who are dying is that they lived the way everyone else wanted them to instead of the way they wanted to live. So, pursue your true desires. Dare to live the way you want to live and then share that lifestyle with the women who are naturally attracted to it. That’s the best approach for you and for her.  You get the women you really want want by being happy; you don’t get happy b byy getting women. 4. Create an attractive self-image that pulls you forward.

 Your self-image is the way you see yourself. As part of your dating safety net, it’s important to create a new, more attractive self-image that we allows to see 8. yourself as an attractive man. We’ll create your new self-image when get you t o chapter to 5. Create a vision for your life that excites you and let it pull you forward.

 You have only two choices in life: You can create create a vision for your own life and work toward making it happen or you can let other peoples’ visions pull you around all the time. So let’s start creating a vision for your life right now if you don’t have one already:  Vision Exercise This exercise has 4 steps. Step 1: Make a list of everything you can think of that would make your life amazing. Write down as many things as you want, but write down at least 10. Write each item as a positive statement in the present tense. For example: I am financially free. I am traveling the world in style. I am enjoying excellent health. Attractandkeepher.com

28

 

 

I am at the center of a supportive social circle. I am making a positive impact on the world. I am enjoying the company of extraordinary women. Don’t hold anything back. The more honest you are about the things you really want, the better this process works. Write down everything you can think of that would make your life incredible. Be as detailed as possible. When you have your list of at least 10 items, come back here for step 2. Step 2: Go through your list of items and put a star next to the top 3-5 things that you think are most important to making your life li fe as good as possible. Step 3: Ask yourself deeper questions about those top 3-5 items. What is it that you really want? Try to go 1-2 levels deeper if you can. For example, if you wrote, “I have $12 Million,” do you really want that exact amount of money in your bank account, or do you really want more time to spend with your family or the freedom to travel? Spend some time thinking about why you want those top 3-5 items. Step 4: Write down your new top 3-5 items. They might all be exactly the same or you might have all new n ew statements after going through step 3. Those 3-5 statements are your vision for your life right now. Instead of being pulled around by other peoples’ visions or dragged down by your past, your new vision will pull you forward toward it until you gain more clarity and make a new one.  And now that you have a vision, take take action every day to bring it to life. When you have a vision for your life and you’re actively making it happen, you’ll naturally be stronger and more passionate about life. Not only does that make your lilife fe better in general, it also makes you much more attractive.

Attractandkeepher.com

29

 

 

Women are like fortune tellers. She would rather be with a guy who has an amazing vision for his life that he’s working toward than a guy who already has lots of stuff but no ambition or passion. 6. To increase your sense of fulfillment, create a mission that is meaningful to you and work to make it happen.

What one accomplishment would leave you completely satisfied at the end of your life? l ife? What would you be proud that your children and friends know you did in the world? What issues are you passionate about? How do your unique interests and talents align with the needs of the world?  Answering those questions will lead you to your mission.  Your mission is the gift you want to to give the world. For example, my mission right now is: I am helping at least 10,000 men create their ideal life and share it with their ideal women.  You don’t have to make your mission mission about something on a massive massive global scale. Just make it something meaningful that you can c an work on. Maybe you want to positively influence the kids in your classroom. Maybe you want everyone in the world to have clean water to drink. Maybe you want to transform Little League Baseball. Maybe you want to eradicate hunger in your city. Maybe you want to fight for tax cuts for the middle class. Maybe you want to help h elp entrepreneurs. Maybe you want to cure cancer. Maybe you want to invent an app or a game that adds joy to people’s lives. Maybe you want to invent i nvent something that makes people’s lives better. Maybe you want to create art or music that inspires people. Take what you care about most and make it into a measurable, specific mission so you have a clear target to shoot for. You should be able to tell if you’ve completed your mission or not.  Your mission should be just one sentence.  Also, write your mission in the present present tense: “I am changing the lives of at least 100 underprivileged children,” instead of, “I will change the lives of underprivileged children.” What do you want people to say you did at your funeral that is bigger than yourself?

Attractandkeepher.com

30

 

 

That’s your mission. Declare a mission right now that stretches and scares you. Write it down.  You can always change it later later as you learn more about about yourself, but it’s important to to have a mission that you’re working toward. Start thinking about how you can add as much genuine value as possible to the world around you without needing anything in return. She can’t make you feel fulfilled, but having a meaningful mission that you’re actively working toward can. Take action every day to complete your mission. Start working on it iimmediately. mmediately. When you’re working toward the completion of a meaningful mission in your life, you’ll have an easier time adopting an abundance mentality when it comes to women and you’ll be more naturally attractive. Everything will be easier, more fun, and more natural. 7. Develop social skills and a social life that t hat serves you.

The last part of building your dating safety net is developing your social skills. If you have good social skills, you’ll be able recover from mistakes more quickly. You’ll feel more confident. You’ll be able to take more risks because you’ll have more options. If you have tons of friends, good relationships with a few close friends, and the ability to meet new people and connect with them any time, you won’t be so worried about how it goes with any particular woman.  And, if you want to date high-quality women, women, you must develop excellent social social skills. Dating isn’t just about being able to crush it one-on-one with a woman, although that’s the most important thing. She’ll also want to know that she can take you into a variety of situations and that you’ll handle them well. The only way to develop social skills is to practice. So, go out and spend time with people in a variety of situations. Watch what socially skilled people do. Buy books and programs about it. And then practice some more. Develop friendships with the most attractive men. Model their beliefs and behaviors. Let them influence you.

Attractandkeepher.com

31

 

 

Develop friendships with attractive women and get to know kn ow their world. Find out what they go through. In order for a woman to act on her attraction to you she needs to feel comfortable with you, and a large part of her comfort will be based on how socially aware you are. So, spend time developing your social skills and social awareness. It’s worth the investment of time it takes to work on your social skills. ski lls. As a bonus, developing your social skills will have a positive impact on most of the other areas of Charm   your life as well. You’ll You ’ll be happier and more successful. I recommend the the   Art Art of Charm as a good place to start. If you have a strong dating safety net with all 7 elements built up when you meet her, you’ll have an excellent chance of attracting and keeping her. If not, it will be much more difficult.

Remember that building your dating safety net is i s a process that will take some time. Don’t expect to build it overnight.  You can keep building it stronger and and stronger as long as you live. The stronger stronger it becomes, the happier you’ll be and the better you’ll do with women. And, if you’re always getting a little bit better, why would a woman ever want to leave you? If you eliminate neediness by accepting yourself, valuing yourself, and creating a life you love living, you’ll do much better with her. Your behaviors will be more naturally attractive. There’s nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who has his life together. So take complete responsibility for your life and your results right now and do everything you can to create a life worth living.  You’ll attract and keep your ideal ideal woman when you stop needing her to be with you in order to love everything about yourself and your life. 2 Drinks, 12 Strangers I have a story to share with you to show you the power of having a strong dating safety net and to make sure you know that “inner game” is NOT a waste w aste of time or irrelevant to your interactions with women. What you might call inner inn er game has actually been more important to my dating success and happiness than any attractive behaviors I’ve learned. If you learn both inn inner er game

Attractandkeepher.com

32

 

 

and attractive behaviors, they’ll reinforce each other and everything will get easier and easier. If you already have your emotional life together and a strong dating d ating safety net, the rest of the principles and techniques in this book will skyrocket your success. If you still have a ways to go in this area, like most of us, spend the time it takes to get it handled. It will amplify everything else we talk about in this book. I’m not sharing this story with you to brag, but to demonstrate nine important things in a way that’s easier for your subconscious mind to digest: 1. The power of having h aving a strong dating safety net. 2. That “inner game” is not a waste of time. 3. What healthy self-worth and non-neediness look and feel like. 4. That women really are the aggressor if you let them chase you (more on this later). 5. That your words are much less important than the kind of man you are. 6. How much easier everything is when you get your head right first. 7. What can happen when you internalize the principles in this book. 8. How many more real options you have when you genuinely love yourself and your life. 9. That you can be completely fulfilled without her or get the woman you want and still be unhappy (compare this story to my previous story about feeling miserable even though I was with my ideal i deal woman at the time). Try to put yourself in my shoes and notice all the subtle ideas embedded in the story as it goes along.

I wasn’t always like this. I have h ave to remind myself constantly how important it is to be whole and complete all on your own (not needy), especially when I start liking someone. If you want, read the story again when you finish the book so you’ll see more of the principles we talk about in action. Before I get into the story, I should tell yyou ou that I'm above-average looking, but that's not why any of this happened. I was better looking in my younger years than I am

Attractandkeepher.com

33

 

 

now, so I used to get ge t a fair amount of ffemale emale attention, but never anything close to this. I'm also fairly short for an American man at 5' 7," so if you're not tall I want you to know that it's not a limitation for you when it comes to women. I dated a girl who was  just under 6' tall for a while. There are some women who who would never date me bec because ause of my height, but far more women don’t really care when it comes down to business. Most of your limitations only exist in your mind, so get rid of them. What I'm about to share is just as surreal and unbelievable to me as it might be to you. One of the first times I felt whole and complete all on my own and experienced true self-worth and non-neediness, some mind-blowing things happened.  And it took me years of working on myself and building my dating safety net to reach the point where I could feel this way. I hope it doesn’t take you nearly as long to reach this point, but even if it does, it will definitely be worth it. I should also mention that women, by cold-hard genetic brain wiring and/or environmental learning, tend to pick up on and respond to how you really  feel  feel inside. It's not magic; it's based on your body language and non-verbal communication, but those things are hard to fake. Females have 6 times the number of social cue receptors as males in their brains according to modern neuroscience. So your true internal state and how good you really   feel about yourself at a deep level will eventually shine through. However, the way women react to you is not a measure of your value as a man at all . Only you can decide that for yourself. Keep that in mind as you read this. Here’s the story: On a crisp, cool Friday night a few years ago I was headed to the downtown area of my city with a big group of friends (mostly women). That's when some really interesting things started happening. We were sitting at a huge table grabbing a little food when one of the guys in the group started making fun of me a little l ittle bit. I thought it was hilarious, but one of my female friends disagreed. Attractandkeepher.com

34

 

 

She started aggressively defending me to the guy. She was practically yelling at him. "Hey," I said to her calmly but forcefully as I stopped her. "I appreciate what you're trying to do but bu t it's between him and me and he h e seems cool to me. I'm good with it." Whoa. Respect from the whole table...

Instead of continuing to make fun of me, the guy bought me a drink after that (it was the first time we'd met). Then, another big group that knew kn ew someone in my group approached our table shortly after that. I smiled with my eyes only  at one of the girls who I thought was absolutely

adorable.

Even though I didn't say anything to her and we had never met her before, she hooked my arm into hers as we all left the restaurant to go to the next bar. "What's wrong with you?!" She yelled up at me aggressively as she was walking walkin g out with me arm-in-arm. That's the first thing she ever said to me. Testing is so funny funn y sometimes (even the sweetest girls will test you). Notice that her actions  (hooking  (hooking her arm into mine) said something completely different than her words  (“What’s  (“What’s wrong with you?!”), which is a key theme we'll be talking about later. "Well, first of all, I have h ave a giant ego," I told her as we kept walking arm-in-arm. Smile....this night is going well so far. If this isn't making sense to you, don't worry, it will soon. When we finally got to the next bar, she wanted me to go to a different bar with her and her group. Her friends frien ds were also begging me to take her out sometime (I had never met any of them).

Attractandkeepher.com

35

 

 

I calmly told her  and her friends the truth: "I'm here to hang out with these guys

tonight, so I'm going inside with them. It was very nice to meet you all though." Then, I walked into the club with my group. I should have at least given her my number because I genuinely liked her. I

regret not giving her my number or asking for hers, but bu t we learn from our mistakes and we have an abundance mentality, so it’s okay. While I was at this next venue, I ended up sitting on a random couch, just relaxing and enjoying my own company.

My friends were randomly coming and going. It's the best I’d ever felt in my life up to that point. And I wasn't drunk at all. In the hour or so I was sitting there, 8 different women came and sat by me. All of them kissed me somewhere on my face. I didn't "make any moves" or do ANYTHING.

I was literally just sitting there.  And I was just as shocked as you would be, although in that moment I was still  just feeling amazing amazing inside, just like I was before I left my apartment to go out. Life can be so good sometimes. Then, I got up from the couch and started talking to one of my female friends who was standing next to the bar. At that point, a random guy threw his entire drink onto the front of my shirt. He was aiming for someone else, but feeling feelin g a large amount of whiskey and ice soak my nice button-down shirt and start dripping onto the floor wasn’t very cool. However, I didn't react at all. The guy apologized to me a million times and thanked me for being so cool. He bought me a drink as well. So, 2 guys I didn’t know bought me the only 2 drinks I had that night all because of the way I reacted to things they did.  After this already surreal surreal experience, the night actua actually lly got even more strange and amazing.

Attractandkeepher.com

36

 

 

We left that bar and went to the last venue of the night.  After we were there for a while, I got tired and wa wanted nted to go home. "After I say goodbye, I'm heading to the restroom, getting a burrito at the taco truck, and heading straight home," I told myself. So, I told everyone in my group I was heading out. Then, I made a beeline for the restroom.  As I was walking, I noticed the the most attract attractive ive woman I've ever seen in rea reall life out of the corner of my eye leaning against the bar with about 10-15 guys crowded around her trying to talk to her. She had incredible white-blonde hair, light pink (almost white) full lips, gorgeous eyes, perfectly feminine features, and manicured nails. Even her dress was amazing.  As far as physical attractiveness attractiveness goes, she was was as good as it gets. But, alas, I was on a MISSION to get out of there. So I kept walking.  As I aggressively walked toward the restroom, all of a sudden something came out of nowhere and physically stopped me in my tracks. I noticed something incredibly soft touching my neck. It was the girl and her amazing hair. She had emerged from the giant group of guys and stopped me by physically getting in my way. She had somehow moved herself into an angle where her hair and the side of her head would sort of softly nuzzle into my neck and cheek. It was the strangest thing I've ever experienced, ex perienced, but the best way I can describe it is that it was like a shot of pure femininity. She even smelled perfect. I had never seen this person before in my life, and no words were exchanged. So, of course, we started making out. "Wow. Her lips are so soft…" was the first thing I thought (they were amazing).  After kissing her for a while, I pulled pulled back and looked into her unbelievable eyes (always pull back first). Attractandkeepher.com

37

 

 

"What are you doing?" I teased her with a playful smirk . "Just kidding, come here," I said before she could respond as I pulled her back in. By now a crowd had gathered and pretty much the whole bar was watching us do whatever it is we were doing at that point. We didn't care. Only the 2 of us existed. She was amazing... But I still really wanted to go home. So after a while I pulled back again. "You're such a bad girl, I can't even look at you anymore," I told her jokingly with a smile as I turned and walked to the bathroom.  At this point all the guys in the bar bar were clapping and cheering for me as I made my way to the bathroom.  After that I left the club, got my burrito, and went home. Just like I wanted. Of course, I should have given her my number or taken her out of the club for a bit to see if she was worth spending more time with. Oh well, lesson #2 for the night. Besides, I have no idea if she's cool or a good person AT ALL. She could be the most beautiful serial killer in the world for all I know.  As I sat on my couch, eating eating my delicious burrito, I couldn't believe the night I just had. The real point here is that I actually  didn't  didn't care about any of the things that happened that night. I basically got attacked by the most physically attractive woman I’ve ever seen, but I already felt so good about my life lif e that it hardly mattered at all. Can you even imagine what that's like? I definitely couldn't have a few years ago.  All that stuff happened happened because I alre already ady felt so amazing inside at a deep, genuine level before I went out for the night.

Attractandkeepher.com

38

 

 

It was the exact opposite of how I felt when I was in a relationship with my ideal woman and still felt miserable. That’s where we want to start. Feeling whole, complete, and fulfilled on your own before you ever meet her is the foundation of building a satisfying long-term relationship with a woman. And even if you don’t want a long-term thing right now, it will make you much more attractive.  Your ideal women will come to you (and stay with you) as a side-effect of how awesome you truly are at a deep, genuine genuin e level because of the way you behave when you feel that way. When you have your own life handled, you can approach dating from a frame of giving value instead of trying to get something.  You really will be the prize.  And, did I mention that you feel good good about yourself and your life whether any particular woman likes you or not? Win-win. Remember that the pain you feel from a breakup is equal to the amount you abandoned yourself and your path to get her.

That’s why simply behaving like a high-value man only gets you so far. Becoming a high-value man is the only true path to satisfying relationships.

So the first thing to do if you want to attract and keep your ideal women is to take care of yourself and your life. Otherwise, you’ll end up right back here at some point anyway. There are no short-cuts. You’ll have to get this stuff down if you really want to attract and keep the highest-quality women (and enjoy your life all on your own, of course). She won't stick around if you need her to make you feel good.  And she shouldn't. You  should  should make yourself  feel  feel good and then share your dominantly positive internal state with the world. Remember that she gets to feel how you feel about yourself when she's around you and so do your friends. fri ends. Your internal state is contagious because we're social animals.  And the best part is that you get to take YOU w with ith you everywhere you go.

Attractandkeepher.com

39

 

 

Working on yourself is worth every ounce of effort, no matter how painful. So make sure you REALLY love yourself and that you’re creating a life you enjoy living. Then, offer to share your awesome reality with her as she earns it.  And now that you’ve started started to believe that you’re the prize and you’re working to build your dating safety net, let’s talk about developing the qualities that are naturally attractive to her. What Women Want If men knew exactly what women wanted, they would gladly give it to them. So what is it, exactly, that women really want? Well, here’s a much better question: what male qualities do women actually respond to when it comes to attraction and love? Most women have a list of things they think they want, but when it comes down to it, they’re attracted to and fall in love with a man based on completely different diff erent criteria. Then, they use his good qualities to rationalize their feelings. We all make most of our decisions based on emotion and then use u se logic to rationalize them whether we know it or like to admit it or not. She’s no different when it comes to love.  Also, many of the things that are attractive to her can can frustrate her in the short-t short-term. erm.  Attraction and frustration are very similar in the beginning stages of dating dating for her. So why would any woman tell you to do things that are frustrating to her? Instead of trying to figure out what women want, find out who she naturally feels attracted to and falls in love with and be that guy.

This book will help you become that guy without changing your core personality by revealing the qualities, beliefs, and behaviors that will make you the most naturally attractive version of yourself. So what do women actually respond to? What male qualities inspire attraction, love, and deep desire? The 4 Attractive Male Qualities  As far as initial attraction attraction goes, she will unconsciously evaluate your physical physical attractiveness (including your body language), perceived resources, and social status. Attractandkeepher.com

40

 

 

If she finds you attractive enough for her based on those criteria, she’s sh e’s relatively psychologically stable, and she’s available, there are exactly 4 things thin gs that will make her like you more: 1. High Internal Value 2. Internal Strength 3. Preselection 4. Challenge If she likes you initially, she will like you more in direct proportion to how much and how often you demonstrate these 4 qualities. They are the qualities that increase her positive feelings (love) for you. She responds to the active demonstration of these 4 qualities through your behavior.

She may date you or even marry you for an infinite number of other reasons, but she won’t feel increasing attraction for you or fall deeply in love with you without them. Develop and demonstrate these 4 qualities and you’ll be able to attract and keep her.

 Your other qualities serve as rationalizations for why she likes you or as as bonus points. For example, if she’s single and she meets a doctor and a fast-food restaurant employee who are the same age on the same day, they’re equally physically attractive to her, and they both have equal amounts of high internal value and strength, preselection, and challenge, she will choose ch oose the doctor. Wouldn’t you? But, at the end of the day, the 4 qualities are what count most when it comes to her feeling attraction and love. None of these attractive qualities involves how “good” of a person you are in general because her emotional brain doesn’t care about that when it i t comes to who she falls in love with.  Attraction and love have little to to do with how much you love your grandma or how much charity work you do. How “good” you are is up to you. Attractandkeepher.com

41

 

 

 You should be a good man on your own terms becaus because e it’s important to act inside your own integrity.

But, when it comes to a woman falling in love with you, it’s not what matters. It’s the 4 qualities that matter most.  You can resist that all all you want, but once you accept it, you’ll be well on your way to dating and relationship success. The way she feels about you emotionally determines whether she thinks you’re a man who’s worthy of her attraction and love or not. And the way she feels about you, if she’s physically attracted to you, is based on your y our behavior. What some people call “game” simply means showing  her  her that you have these 4 attractive qualities on purpose. Successful guys demonstrate these qualities either by chance or on purpose. However, it’s much better if you actually  have  have them. That way, you won’t feel like you have to  “trick” her. If you’re faking the 4 qualities, sooner or later you won’t be able to maintain your attractive behavior, she’ll figure it out, and you’ll lose her. And, even if you can keep up your façade, you’ll know deep down that it’s not real. At that point, you’ll feel even more pain than you would have if you never had her in the first place. I encourage you to embody the 4 qualities instead of faking them. Internalize them. Become the attractive man. Don’t just act  like  like him. From now on, you simply are  him.  him. Making these qualities part of who you are is worth every minute of effort. They will be with you and serve you for the rest of your life. The best part is that you already have all 4 attractive male qualities. It’s just a matter of strengthening them from whatever point you’re at now. So what does it mean to have the attractive qualities of high internal in ternal value and strength, preselection, and challenge? 1. High Internal Value

 A wise man once told me, “A man who’s full of himself is full of a woman’s love.”

Attractandkeepher.com

42

 

 

That doesn’t mean that you’re “cocky,” fake confident, or that you use external things to inflate your sense of self. It means that you have deep, genuine confidence and selfworth. Having high internal value means that you give yourself approval.  You are completely self-validating. self-validating.  You don’t apologize for your existence.  You really like yourself.  You don’t beg for approval. You don’t put people down or try to take some some of their value. You don’t compete with other people or try to win your value. Because you already have so much value, you only cooperate with other people and give value. When you give, you never need anything in return. You give value freely because you have so much.  You’re not judgmental.  You don’t try to convince anyone to like you.  You value your opinions, tastes, and preferences (and respect the opinions, tastes, and and preferences of others).  You state your thoughts, opinions, and preferences preferences strongly without being disagreeable. disagreeable.  You don’t change them to match hers or try to change hers.  You’re not afraid to tell her the things you like. You’re not afraid to suggest date ideas that you think are fun. You express yourself without fear.  You’re proud of yourself and at the the same time realize tthat hat you’ll always have room to grow.  You stand up for yourself when necessary.  You deserve to be treated treated well and you expect it. You don’t don’t tolerate anything less. You don’t get mad; you just calmly walk away.  You’re able to disagree with her without being disagreea disagreeable ble and putting her down.  You believe in your own worth.  You have a healthy level of self-esteem. self-esteem.

Attractandkeepher.com

43

 

 

 You take great care care of yourself.  You believe that you’re the prize.  You never try to convince her to like you.  You know you’re awesome and and you don’t need a reaso reason. n. You don’t have to convince her or even yourself of your value. You don’t have to prove it. It’s just there; assumed and implied at all times.  You give value to the world freely because because your own personal value is overflowing.  You’re in charge of deciding how awesome awesome you are, not anyone or anything else.  You have your own internalized standards that you live by and you alone determine if you’re a “good” person or not. You care more about what you think about you than what other people think about you, so you never get pulled around by other people’s values. Remember: every time you act in accordance with your own standards and values, your internal value goes up. When you don’t, it’s eroded.  You qualify her to see if she’s a good fit for you, but you don’t qualify yourself to her. Qualifying yourself to her means trying to convince her to like you, especially by using things that are external to you like your car, your job, your mansion, your money, your accomplishments, the cool concert or resort you can take her to, the well-known well-kn own people you’re friends with, the fact that her friends like you, etc. The problem with qualifying yourself to her is that it won’t make her like you more. The less real value you believe you have, the more you’ll qualify yourself to make up for it.

Deep down, she knows this. Being secure means believing in your internal value at all times for no reason no matter what the “world” thinks. You don’t have to prove it to yourself or anyone else. It’s just there.  You are secure.  You can try to qualify yourself to the world world by trying to sleep with lots of women, getting into a relationship, or dating good-looking women just to feel better about yourself. Attractandkeepher.com

44

 

 

Who cares about any of that? You’re already awesome whether any of it happens or not. Being insecure just means you’re not sure about that.

 And, she’ll find out. The more secure you are, the less you’ll try to qualify yourself, and the higher-quality women you can attract.  You only have two choices in life: authentic expression expression (behaving in a way that is congruent with who you are) leading to fulfillment and good relationships or qualifying (trying to figure out how to make others think highly of you as the basis of your behavior) leading to depression, anger, regret, and unhealthy, unsatisfying relationships. Simply cutting out any qualifying you’re currently doing will dramatically improve your dating success.

When you stop trying to convince her to like you, she’ll sense your internal value and start to like you more, assuming she was somewhat interested to begin with. She may even test you to see if you’ll qualify yourself. Don’t bite. Always assume she knows how awesome you are and act like l ike it, even if it appears that she doesn’t. Stop qualifying yourself to her and start qualifying her (finding out if she meets your   high, specific standards or not). It’s what’s best for both of you. Interestingly, when you notice that you’re starting to qualify yourself to her and stop yourself, you start to believe in your real value even more. It starts to boost your you r genuine confidence. It’s amazing what this little mindset shift can do for you.  You’re not ashamed of of yourself. You don’t apologize for your existence. You don’t apologize at all unless you have a good reason, although you do own up to your real mistakes and sincerely apologize for them immediately. When she compliments you, you simply say, “Thank you” or, “I know kno w (smile).” You don’t dwell on it because you already approve yourself 100%. Sometimes, when she says something positive about something, you interpret i nterpret it as compliment about you. For example, if she says, “That’s so cute!” you can say, “Oh, thank you. I know I am (smile).”

Attractandkeepher.com

45

 

 

If you lost your athletic ability or physical strength, all your money and property, your reputation, your accomplishments, and your woman, what value would woul d you still have? That’s the internal value we want. 2. Internal Strength

These first two qualities are closely related, so there’s some overlap. Having internal strength means that you’re mentally and emotionally strong.  You have a strong dating safety safety net.  You realize that at the the end of the day, there’s no escaping escaping yourself. You accept that whether she’s with you or not, ultimately you will always be on your own. You do your thing until the bitter end.  You take 100% responsibility for your life, your results in life, and your emotions. You know that even though you can’t control everything, taking total responsibility anyway gives you the most real power you can have. You don’t play the victim role.  You’re not needy. You don’t deny that that you want her, but you never need her.  You don’t take anything personally, especially especially when it comes to dating. dating.  You feel afraid and act anyway. anyway. You use momentary courage courage to move forward in sp spite ite of fear.  You talk to her even though you’re nervous. You You ask her out and go for the kiss even though she might “reject” you.  You have genuine confidence.  You don’t take yourself or life too seriously. seriously.  You’re comfortable with uncertainty. You may even enjoy it. Uncertainty is difficult to deal with, so the way you deal with it is actually a great indicator of how internally strong you are. Let her be the one who wonders about things. When you act in spite of fear and don’t react in spite of uncertainty, that’s internal strength from her perspective. So, you ask her out when you’re nervous. You wait a few days to contact her and ask her out again when you're dying to do it right away.

Attractandkeepher.com

46

 

 

 And, when something strange happens, happens, you pull back and wait instead of charging headlong into rejection.  You always assume she likes you until proven otherwise. You don’t worry worry about whether she likes you or not n ot between dates. If she hasn’t shown you that she doesn’t like you yet, you assume she does. Nobody likes uncertainty, but if you can handle it just a little bit better than her, you'll both be happier.  You have the ability to say say “no” to her calmly and mean it. it.

 You say what you think even if she might not like it. When she treats you poorly, you walk away even though you really like her. She’s unable to affect your internal state; YOU are the cause of you yourr emotions.  You’re emotionally healthy and strong. strong. You experience and express all of your emotions fully and appropriately.  You experience reality appropriately. appropriately.  You’re not jealous of other men.  You’re nonchalant.  You’re non-reactive. You don’t react react when other men hit on her. You don’t react when something “negative” happens. You don’t react when someone puts you down or tries to get to you. You don’t react when she disappears.  You don’t react to her when she challenges challenges you. She can’t push your buttons bu ttons because you’re “buttonless.” Nothing gets to you, at least in front of her. If she thinks she can’t get to you, she will be incredibly attracted to you.  You  pass her tests  You tests..  When something strange happens or you feel her interest slipping, you pull back and wait instead of trying to control everything or do something actively. You wait and see what happens. It takes a lot of guts to do nothing.  You realize that it’s your reaction reaction to her reaction that ccounts. ounts. She reacts to you; not the other way around.

Attractandkeepher.com

47

 

 

 You also don’t overreact when when she shows interest in you or when she touches touches you.  You’re used to it.  Your behavior is consistent no matter matter what she’s doing.  You’re not a “story-finisher.” You let things play out.  You’re usually fully present in the moment. moment.  You move slowly and deliberately.  You keep and use your power. You focus on what you CAN do in any given situation and let everything else go.  You control yourself and never try to change anyone else or try to change reality.  You accept yourself, other people, and reality as (you) they are. are.  You accept the world as it is, and while you acknowledge it’s it’s not all rainbows and unicorns, you choose to have a positive outlook and worldview because it serves you.  You don’t try to convince anyone of anything; you merely experience experience other people.  You’re patient.  You’re able to maintain maintain your self-control and self-discipline.  You live by your own standards.  You’re not easily influenced by the world around around you and its whims.  You can handle disapproval from others.  You have a high “rejection” tolerance. tolerance.  You don’t let other people “make “make you” feel bad.  You can tolerate high amounts of social tension.  You don’t grovel, beg, supplicate, or whine.  You realize that you’ve got all all the time in the world and that patience is the key to women.  You’re willing and able to walk away from her at any time if necessary. necessary.

Attractandkeepher.com

48

 

 

When everything seems to be going wrong, how strong do you feel? How well can you handle it? Are you a rock in a storm or only pretending to be one when things are good? That’s what internal strength means and it’s highly attractive. 3. Preselection

Preselection means that women like you more if other women like you. Preselection also means that she perceives that you have other options op tions on her level level.. If you walk into a club with 3 beautiful women, you’ll be perceived as more attra attractive ctive than if you walk in alone. Think about that for a minute. Is a woman surrounded by men more attractive to you than the same woman all by herself? Probably not, because preselection is only attractive to females. We can’t relate. There’s an unstated, implicit, underground competition among women at all times and she wants to win. If she feels that she has to compete for you, she’ll see you as more attractive. It means that when you choose to go out with her or make her your girlfriend, you’re making a free choice and that she’s won the implied competition among the women in your life.  You don’t need to actually be surrounded by women to communicate that that you’re preselected. She just has to think  that  that you have other options on her level. The more you understand women and show it through your behavior, the more preselected you’ll seem.  You want to imply preselection subtly. You don’t want to be explicit about it because if you’re trying too hard to tell her you’re preselected, you’re actually trying to convince her to like you in that case, which lowers your value in her mind instead of raising it. Let her wonder  if  if you’re seeing other women. For example, if she texts you, “Hey, sorry, I’m running late. Can you meet 3 hours from now instead?” 30 minutes after she was supposed to meet you for a date, you can reply with implied preselection to stop her from flaking fl aking again next time: “Oh, hey, I didn’t hear from you so a friend’s f riend’s on their way over to watch a movie with me. Let’s talk later. :)”

Attractandkeepher.com

49

 

 

Notice that you say a friend is on “their” way, not a friend is on “her” way. That way, she has to guess if it’s a woman or not. Don’t talk about other women directly. Act like you have lots of good options instead. Preselection means that you always act as if you have many good options in your life. That means that you take more time to evaluate her to see if she’s really a good fi fitt for you. You treat her the same no matter how good-looking she is. You don’t give her special treatment. If you’re comfortable with her, she’ll assume you’re used to being with women on her level.  You ask her questions that imply this main question: “Why should I choose you over a allll the other women (in a playful way, not in an insecure, condescending way)? What makes you special?” You find out what makes her unique and decide if you will continue seeing her based on her real positive qualities.  You never rush in; you always take your time. time. When you take your time and really get to know her before you decide if you want to keep dating her, she interprets it as you being preselected. How would you act if you really liked her and you also had several other good options?  Ask yourself: “What would I do if I had 8 attractive, high-quality women chasing me right now?”

Then, do that. That’s a great way to think about preselection and how h ow it applies to everyday situations.  And the best way to actively actively demonstrate preselect preselection ion is to cultivate a lifestyle w where here you actually do have lots of good options. From now on, you have an abundance mentality and you realize that there really are many ideal women out there for you. It’s a turn-off if she thinks you go after every woman, but it’s a turn-on if she thinks every woman is after you.

While preselection makes you more attractive, you want to communicate preselection indirectly and subtly, not tell her directly and explicitly. We want her to feel it, not necessarily know it.

Attractandkeepher.com

50

 

 

If you internalize the idea that you’re always preselected and act like it, she’ll feel it and she’ll like you more. She’ll also feel happier when you choose her. 4. Challenge

Being a challenge means that you make her earn your attention. You don’t give it to her freely. She must work for it. We all value things we earn more than things we get for free. She’s no different when it comes to love. She earns your attention by demonstrating her interest in you, treating you well, having a great attitude, showing up on your dates, showing up on time for your dates, kissing you, and by being a good person. She earns more and more of your you r attention little by little over time. Being a challenge means you break rapport with her in addition to building it.

Being a challenge also means:  You’re not always available. available.  You’re usually the one who ends conversations, conversations, texting, dates, etc. first. When you touch her, you take it away before she wants you to stop. When you kiss her, you pull back first. Instead of taking a step forward with her, then another, then another, and then another relentlessly, you take one step forward and then take a step back and let her come to you.  You push her away sometimes instead of just pulling her in, pulling her in, and pulling her in.  You show her some interest or or give her some validation validation and then take it away playfully. playfully.  You playfully tease her. her.

 You’re not easy.  You get to know her in person and and keep communication in-between da dates tes to a minimum.

Attractandkeepher.com

51

 

 

 You wait a while to ask her out again, even if you’re having a great time with her, so that her attraction for you increases in creases because you realize that’s actually an awesome gift.  You put little obstacles in her path path that she has to overcome overcome to get more of your attention and interest.  You’re not sure whether you like her or not so soon.  You don’t verbalize your interest interest in her; you show her her your interest by attracting her properly.

 You don’t overwhelm her with your interest interest no matter how much you like her.  You’re not concerned about escalating escalating or where the relationship is headed; headed; you genuinely enjoy the process of getting to know her. You’re interested but indifferent.  You don’t ask her to be your girlfriend until she she brings it up.  You don’t propose marriage on the first date (ac (actually, tually, you don’t ask her to marry marry you until she brings it up first and you wait until you’ve known her for at least 2 years before you agree to marry her).  You don’t give away your plan, tell her what to expect, or talk about being in a relationship with her in the future.  You remain a bit of a mystery mystery in the beginning.  You let her play detective and and figure you out.  You’re the prize and you act like it.  You encourage her to convince you to like her.  You patiently wait for her to come to you.  You understand that it takes takes longer for her feelings to develop, so you give her all the time and space in the world to realize how much she likes you. Whenever you feel the urge to chase her, you become aware of it, stop  yourself, take a deep breath, breath, slow down, pul pulll back even more than before, and let her come to you.

 At some point in the early stages stages of dating her, she’ll probably probably do something “stra “strange” nge” to test you and see if you’ll chase her, get upset, lose control of yourself, try to

Attractandkeepher.com

52

 

 

convince her to like you, or otherwise give away your power. You don’t take the bait.  You let her go and wait to to see if she re-engages you. If If she’s interested in you, you know that she will re-engage you and feel more attracted to you when she does.  You enjoy the moment of truth truth when she tries to ma make ke you chase her because you know you won’t chase after her. You know you’ll pass that test and you know how much more she’ll like you when you do.  You understand that she’s naturally naturally the aggressor even though though society says that you are the aggressor. Because you’re a challenge, she will show you a side of herself that most men will never experience. Because you don’t chase her like li ke all the other men, she will chase you. And because she has to chase you, when she catches you, she’ll want to keep you.  You know that when she’s chasing you, she she can’t be rejecting rejecting you at the same ttime. ime.  You encourage her to chase chase you. 

 You’re willing to frustrate her over over the short-term so she gets gets to feel amazing longterm.  You would rather have her attraction attraction and her love than her approval. Remember that there will always be men out there who are “better than you” on paper. Maybe they have bigger houses and more money. Maybe they’re better looking. Or maybe they have slightly better personalities. If you’re a challenge, you can compete with them and win the love game. Most men, even the men who are ar e very successful in other areas of life, are ar e not a challenge. It’s your secret weapon.

If she’s single when she meets you, she finds you physically attractive enough for her, and you end up going out with her, she will like li ke you more the more you demonstrate the qualities of high internal value and strength, preselection, and challenge. So those are the 4 qualities qu alities she responds to when it comes to attraction and love. They are what increase her interest in you. The great thing is that, as a male, you already have the 4 qualities to some degree. It’s  just a matter of of growing them and strengthening them from this point forward and then demonstrating them through your words and actions.

Attractandkeepher.com

53

 

 

Need vs. Desire If you could sum up the 4 attractive male qualities in one phrase you could just say,  “Don’t be needy.” It’s awesome to want  her,  her, but it’s never okay to need  her.  her.  You will be less needy the more that you: 1. Truly love yourself and your life with or without her (high internal value and strength). 2. Have other options on her level (preselection). 3. Are able to push her away sometimes in addition to pulling her in (challenge). Make sure you and your life are truly complete without her so you can offer her real value instead of trying to get something from her that she can’t give  you.

No matter how good-looking and amazing she is, as soon as you need her, you’ve started to lose her.  And how can you be non-needy (attractive) if you think you need her in your life? Successful interactions with women are a paradox.  You completely own your desire for her and and you’re also happy on your own and don’t need her.  You’re interested but indifferent.  You want to hang out with her, hook up with her, date her, or even marry marry her, and it’s totally okay with you if it doesn’t work out.  You’re able to walk away away if she ends up not being a good fit, even if your feelings for her are strong.  You’ll be fine because you have a great attitude, you love yourself, and you live a life you enjoy whether she wants to be part of the fun or not.  A wise man once told me, “The female mind is designed to stop your advance a and nd then block your retreat.”

Attractandkeepher.com

54

Attractandkeepher.com

 

 

If you take nothing else from this book, remember that she responds most to nonneediness, which is a good way to summarize the 4 attractive male qualities. Many of the behaviors you may have learned from dating “gurus” and some of the behaviors in this book are designed to demonstrate  that  that you’re not needy and have the 4 attractive male qualities. However, it’s far better if you’re actually  not  not needy. We’ll talk about how to behave in a way that signals you could walk away later, but again, if it’s not real, if it’s not installed into your subconscious, if it’s not just who you are that you value yourself and you really could walk away and be totally fine, you’ll have a very hard time maintaining her attraction for you long-term.  As soon as you learn not to be needy, you’ll have lots of options and and be able to make a great choice when it comes to long-term long- term partners. How much easier is it to be a challenge, communicate preselection, and walk away from her when you already love your life without her?

When you’re truly non-needy, you’ll be able to walk away at absolutely any point of your relationship with a woman if she’s not interested in you or she’s not treating you well and be completely fine. Without trying to control her, looking for a reaction from her, or trying to change her. It’s this ability to walk away (for real) that will get you everything you want when it comes to women. That way, you won’t have to settle.  And I don’t want anyone (male or female) to settle. It’s It’s not good for you or for her. I encourage you to take an honest look at what you tolerate from women.  Ask yourself: if 10 women on her level were texting texting you and asking you to hang out, would you put up with the way she’s treating you? The answer to that question and what you do about it is the foundation of internal value and strength. If you take two versions of yourself with your exact same personality and circumstances and they meet the same woman they like on o n the same day, and one is less needy than the other, the one who needs her less is the one who will end up with her.

55

Attractandkeepher.com

 

 

Develop Your Personal Standards In order to eliminate neediness, in addition to having a strong dating safety net, you must develop your own personal standards and live li ve by them alone. Until then, you’ll always need the approval of others. Of course, you can get ideas i deas about what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t from any source. But, at the end of the day, you have to internalize the code for yourself if you want to become internally strong. It has to be yours.  You have to be the ultimate judge of yourself and your behavior.

 As Chin-Ning Chu says, “self-knowledge is a more reliable guide to behavior than adherence to arbitrarily imposed standards, although both are susceptible to error. You will make mistakes no matter which path you follow, f ollow, but mistakes made on the path to self-discovery will correct themselves, while those made through blind blin d adherence to subjective standards simply perpetuate the folly. In this sifting process, you will discover that many of the concepts you were taught were, in fact, correct after all; but bu t your beliefs will become your convictions. More importantly, you will have freed yourself from the need for others’ approval.” If you can give yourself a good hard look in the th e mirror at the end of the day and know that you’re living up to your own high, specific standards, you can be proud of yourself no matter what the external world thinks about abou t you. Otherwise, you’ll always feel the need to prove yourself to others, including the women you date. If you feel the need to prove yourself to her, you can’t create and maintain the frame that you are the prize, which is the foundation of her respect and love for you. I highly encourage you to develop your own sstandards tandards for what’s acceptable for yourself and the people you choose to associate with. What will you tolerate? What won’t you tolerate? Then, cut everything that doesn’t meet your standards out of your life, starting with your own behaviors and habits. Replace them with things that do meet your standards. The more developed your own standards become over time and the more you stick to them, the less you’ll feel the need to prove anything to anyone and the more you’ll genuinely believe in your value.

56

Attractandkeepher.com

 

 

That makes you a very attractive man who isn’t easily swayed by the external world. This true inner strength is highly valuable to women. Become the Man She Wants Tony Robbins says that "quality questions create a quality life. li fe. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers." Here's a good example of that. Most guys ask, "How can I get the woman I want (or get her back)?"  A much better question is, "What "What kind of guy does my ideal woman woman actually fall and stay in love with and how can I be that guy?" Does that mean changing your personality? No. It means changing your behaviors in a dating and relationship context. That's what this book is about.

If you learn to ride a bike, does that change who you are at a fundamental level? Does learning to play golf change your personality? Of course not. Neither does learning dating and relationship skills. skil ls.  You still get to be you. It's important to remember, however, that she doesn't fall for "you." She falls in love with the way you act.

Then, she rationalizes her feelings using your best qualities. That's why when she breaks up with you she suddenly remembers every negative thing about you. It's the strength of her interest in you that determines which of your characteristics she focuses on.

That's one reason why you can't logic her into being interested in you. Her interest in you is not based on logic or your resume. It's based on how she feels.

57

Attractandkeepher.com

 

 

That's why a woman can be in love with a guy you might think of as an "asshole.” Her feelings won’t let her see him that way, even if it’s true. Haven't you ever had strong feelings for a woman and later discovered she wasn't as awesome as you imagined? It's the same for her. Let her feel intense, positive feelings for you and rationalize why she's so into you. None of us are perfect. You know that, and yet somehow you still think some women are amazing. She can feel that way about you too. Keep her highly interested in you and you won't have to worry so much about your "flaws." Let her think you're awesome from this moment forward because she feels so attracted to you and eventually falls in love with you.  Always remember that that YOU are the prize my friend. Give her that gift slowly as she earns it. When it comes down to it, only YOU can love you at the deepest level. That's your job. No woman can make you feel good about yourself if you don’t already, and looking for that outside yourself is like chasing a mirage. She’ll never love you unconditionally; she falls in love with you based on your behavior. So let's show  her  her how awesome you are and give her the gift of an amazing man who's worthy of her strongest feelings of respect, admiration, and partnership. There are no silver bullets that will make every woman in the world want you. We’re simply bringing out your naturally attractive qualities and letting them work for you. We both know how awesome you are, so let's demonstrate that awesomeness in a way that makes her primal brain agree with us. That's all we're doing. Look, if I could change the way some of this works, I probably would. So would she. So would you, most likely. None of us likes the fact that we have very little control over who we feel strongly attracted to.

58

Attractandkeepher.com

 

 

None of us really enjoy “playing games” that much. But until she accepts the idea that you are the man who deserves her interest and love, you must show her your value by running a bit of a gauntlet as she tests you for weakness.

That’s how she subconsciously determines if you really are the prize. This process can take several weeks. And her tests can come back any time if her interest in you starts to decline. The sooner you accept this reality completely, the sooner you’ll be able to attract and keep her.  You already have the four naturally naturally attractive male qualities right now. We’ll simply make them stronger and then show her that you have them.  You’re naturally attractive and and you already are the prize, so we’ll just be eliminating mistakes and allowing more of the real you to come out. We’re not using fakery, tricks, lines, or routines. We’re demonstrating who you are in an attractive way from her  perspective.  perspective. If you're really such a good catch, it's time to prove it to her primal brain (part of that is not trying to prove yourself. Ironic, I know. More paradoxes will come up throughout the book) via your behavior . It doesn't matter if you know k now it; it only matters if you show it.

Here's a great story that illustrates that point: One of my good friends has been married to his wife for over 20 years. He told me that when they first met on his college campus, things were going well. They were compatible and seemed to get along great and always had h ad fun together. They were hanging out a lot. Then, all of a sudden, it was like she lost all interest in him. What was missing? Why wasn't it working all of a sudden? Well, simply, her primal brain didn't value him enough yet.

59

Attractandkeepher.com

 

 

Not really knowing why this was happening or what to do about it, he consulted one of his friends who knew a lot more about women. His friend told him, "Hey man, you're probably just coming on a little bit too strong. Try this: the next time you see her, just ignore her. See what happens."  At this point, he really liked this girl and and was willing to try anything. He knew his way just wasn't working.

So, as he was walking with a couple of his friends in the student union building buil ding one day, his future wife popped into view all of a sudden. She was coming down the stairs with her friends as he was going up. He remembered what his friend had told him and decided to go with it, even though every fiber of his body wanted to acknowledge her and say something.

He just kept walking right past her and didn't say anything to her. "Wow, that was SO hard," he thought. “I bet she's PISSED.” What happened after that? Well, she re-connected with him later that week. This time, she was clearly interested in him. He was exactly the same awesome man before he did that. The only difference is that after that incident she saw his value because he showed it to her.

 All these years later they're they're married with four gorgeo gorgeous us children. But doesn't that kind of thing only work on women who have low self-esteem or aren't very bright?  Absolutely not. My friend's wife has a master's degree and a high level of self-respect. The principles in this book work best on the best women for you. In fact, if you apply them consistently, your behavior will repel the kinds of women who aren’t good for you.  You (Really) are the Prize

60

Attractandkeepher.com

 

 

Believe it or not but most heterosexual women want to be with a man. So, you have a lot to offer a woman just because you're a man.  And the fact that you're the kind of man who's working on himself makes you an even more valuable catch for her. Well done sir.  And now that we see your real value, the rest of this book will be about how how to make sure she sees it too.

Our goal is to create and maintain the frame that you are the prize pri ze that she has to earn from the first minute you meet her until the last second you spend with her.  Attracting and keeping the woman woman you truly desire requires you to remove remove the outer layer of need from your desire. You can only do that within yourself. Then, attraction becomes effortless.  You’ll naturally stand up for yourself when you need to to and easily express clear boundaries.  You’ll be able to behave in an an attractive manner because you’ll have a huge ocean of inner strength to rely on when you have to be patient, when you have to express yourself with disregard for what she thinks thin ks about it, when you have to walk away, and when you have to pass p ass any test she may throw at you. So create a life you love first because you’ll be ri right ght back here no matter who you date. If you love your life, you’ll have a healthy, solid foundation foun dation to build your relationships upon. If not, no woman in the world can make you or your life “complete.”  Your ideal relationships start and end with YOU.  And the last thing I want to say about YOU in this chapter is that I think it’s important important to internalize everything you learn in this book. Take action on the principles, learn from your mistakes, and keep going until un til being a truly attractive man has become a habit. Make the principles and behaviors we talk about part of who you are. We want them to become as normal to you as brushing your teeth. We youyou to “turn attractive personality when you’re with her. We wantdon’t it towant be who are allon” theyour time.

61

Attractandkeepher.com

 

 

So how do we encourage her  to  to think you  are  are the prize? We’ll cover exactly how to do that in chapters 4-7, but first fi rst let's destroy some common beliefs that may be working against you when it comes to dating. It’s time to bust some dating and relationship myths. ***Here are some excellent resources if you want to go deeper into inner game: Unannounced Bonus: 7 Keys to Being a Total Badass  (Bestselling  (Bestselling Ebook – Free Download)   Download) Inner Game Mastery Series Series  

62

Attractandkeepher.com

 

 

CHAPTER TWO TWO   Busting Dating and Relationship Myths  Myths  Learn what is true in order to do what is right.  – Thomas Huxley

I’m not going to say that Western culture cul ture causes  dating  dating and relationship problems because you are ultimately the cause of what happens in your life