Art of Questions
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Coaching: The Art of Asking Questions Tony Stoltzfus
Session Information
Tony Stoltzfus Tony is a fulltime Christian coach and coach trainer and the author of Leadership Coaching, a ground-breaking how-to book on coaching skills and values. He is a cofounder of a professional Christian coach training school, and his passion is building leadership character through coaching. Tony develops coaching and training resources for bringing coaching into the church through his online resource center at www.Coach22.com. He also coaches pastors and ministry leaders through www.CoachingPastors.com.
Session Description Much of the impact of coaching flows from helping people take responsibility to steward their own lives instead of solving their problems for them. In this breakout, a professional coach will show you how to draw solutions out of others, instead of telling them what to do, in a way that reinforces their dependence on God, builds confidence, and results in real change. We'll demonstrate and discuss several powerful asking techniques, then give you a chance to practice with a peer so you can add these techniques to your own tool kit.
Session Goal For participants to use questions to draw solutions out of the small group leaders they coach, instead of telling them what to do
1 2007 Group Life Conference © 2007 Willow Creek Association. All Rights Reserved.
Coaching: The Art of Asking Questions
Solving the Right Problem People won’t always tell you what the real problem is
The “Gathering More Information” Technique Take five minutes to gather more information about the situation before you jump into problem solving.
Coaching Demo Notes
Sample Questions Get some more specific details out on the table before you start problem solving. Help the person articulate what they care about and what outcomes they want in the situation.
“Give me a little background: how did that come about?” “Can you tell me a little more about this?” “Run me through exactly what happened.” “What did you mean when you said __________?” “Give me an example of what you are talking about, with specific details.” “What do you want in this situation? What outcome are you shooting for?” “What makes this important to you?” “What’s behind this?” “How is this affecting you? What bothers you most about the situation?”
2 2007 Group Life Conference © 2007 Willow Creek Association. All Rights Reserved.
Coaching: The Art of Asking Questions
Peer Coaching Notes
3 2007 Group Life Conference © 2007 Willow Creek Association. All Rights Reserved.
Coaching: The Art of Asking Questions
Going to the Place of Significance The “Listening for Significance” Technique Listen for the most important or striking thing the person said, and ask them to tell you more about it. The conversation quickly moves to a deeper level.
The “Observation and Question” Technique
Sample Questions Take the exact words of their significant phrase, and insert them into the questions below:
“You mentioned that _______. Tell me more about that.” “It sounded like _______ was really important to you. Say more about that.” What you said about _______ really struck me. Expand on that.” “I heard you say that _______. Tell me more.”
Coaching Demo Notes
4 2007 Group Life Conference © 2007 Willow Creek Association. All Rights Reserved.
Coaching: The Art of Asking Questions
Ownership Questions Three Types of Ownership Questions
Responsibility (Taking ownership of past actions)
Pro-activity (Taking responsibility for future change)
Dealing with God (Taking responsibility to meet God and grow)
Coaching Demo Notes
Sample Questions “How might your actions have contributed to the breakdown?” “What do you need to take responsibility for in the situation?” “What could you do that would turn this into a positive experience?” “Let’s say this person never changes or ‘gets it.’ What do you need to do to move on in life even if he/she doesn’t?” “If you were going to respond in the best possible way to this — in a way you’d really be proud of in the future — what would you do?” “Since we can’t change the other person, what could change about you that would make things better?” “If you were still in this situation three years from now, what would that be like? What would you be willing to do to keep that from happening?” “Let’s say God is using this situation to get your attention on something. What do you think that something would be?” “What do you think God is trying to form in your character through this?”
5 2007 Group Life Conference © 2007 Willow Creek Association. All Rights Reserved.
Coaching: The Art of Asking Questions
Asking vs. Telling
Excerpt from Leadership Coaching by Tony Stoltzfus One of the most difficult changes new coaches must make is learning to ask questions instead of giving advice. As they struggle to adapt to this new principle, the following kinds of questions invariably come out: “Would it help if you’d keep track of how much time you are spending on that project?” “Could you just come right out and say something to her about the problem?” “Do you think you should talk to your pastor about that?” As an exercise, cross out the first several words of each question, like this: “Would it help if you’d keep track of how much time you are spending on that project.” “Could you just come right out and say something to her about the problem.” “Do you think you should talk to your pastor about that.” Oops! What we thought were good coaching queries actually turn out to be statements. The coaches are trying valiantly to ask questions, but what ends up coming out are pieces of advice with question marks stuck on the end. These are what I call solution-oriented questions: advicegiving masquerading as coaching. The only question is just, “Will you do what I am suggesting?” This kind of question is a result of working on coaching as a skill instead of a change of heart. While we’re working diligently at the technique of asking, the change is only skin-deep: scratch the surface of the technique and you find, unchanged, the same underlying advice-giving paradigm we’ve has always used. Solution-oriented questions are a great illustration of what it looks like to try to change what you do without changing who you are. Jesus was discussing this age-old problem when he stated, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34). In other words, what you do and say comes out of your being. What you say won’t change until you change. According to Jesus, to fundamentally change the way you operate, you have to change at the “being” level (values, identity, paradigms, and worldview) and not just at the doing level (skills and techniques). The change that must take place to stop giving advice is to take a biblical view of the other individual. God has given that person a stewardship: their own life. Each person has the Godgiven authority, the choice, to live life under Jesus’ lordship or on his or her own. But with that authority, God has also given us a capability: with Christ, we have the ability to live the life God has given us, to fulfill our destiny, to hear his voice, to make great decisions. Being a coach is about seeing and believing in that capacity in other people. If you approach leadership coaching as a set of tools and techniques to add on to your existing ministry paradigm, you will be a failure as a coach. Leadership coaching is a new discipline, with an underlying philosophy and process that is probably far different than what you are used to. Becoming a great coach is a major remodeling project that will alter your values, the way you look at people, and the conversational habits of a lifetime. Becoming a transformational coach starts with transforming yourself.
6 2007 Group Life Conference © 2007 Willow Creek Association. All Rights Reserved.
Recommended Resources
Additional Coaching Resources on the Web
www.Coach22.com Christian coaching bookstore with a wide variety of coaching and coach training resources
Coach22 Newsletter Monthly articles on coaching skills and reviews of coaching resources. Free sign-up at Coach22.com
www.TouchUSA.org Small group leadership and coaching resources from Touch (the Cell Group People)
www.ChristianCoaches.com The Christian Coaches Network is the largest network of professional Christian coaches
Recommended Books and CDs on Asking Skills
Leadership Coaching by Tony Stoltzfus A comprehensive handbook on fundamental coaching skills like asking powerful questions, intuitive listening, goal-setting, etc.
How to Ask Great Questions by Karen Lee Thorp An excellent guide to question construction that will help you refine your asking skills
Coaching for Performance by John Whitmore A business coaching book that introduces you to the GROW model, a widelyused structure for a coaching conversation
Peer Coach Training Program by Tony Stoltzfus A nine-session, DVD-based course for training coaches or introducing accountable peer coaching relationships within a small group
Coaching for Christian Leaders by Linda J. Miller and Chad W. Hall A concise introduction to coaching by a prominent Christian business coach
Asking to Win by Bobb Biehl A pamphlet full of great coaching questions you can take with you.
Powerful Questions: Changing Perspective by Tony Stoltzfus (CD) Demos of advanced asking techniques for helping people see their situation in a different light
Powerful Questions: Problem Solving by Tony Stoltzfus (CD) Live demos of several powerful techniques for helping coaches solve problems without telling them what to do
In-depth reviews and/or sample chapters of the above products are available online at the www.Coach22.com coaching bookstore. 7 2007 Group Life Conference © 2007 Willow Creek Association. All Rights Reserved.
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