Affirmations and Questions

Affirmations and Questions - Transformations NLP h ttp ://www.tr a n s fo r ma ti o n s .n e t.n z /tra n c e s c r i p t/a ffi rma ti o n s .h tml

M a y 27, 2013

How Can We Do Better With Affirmations?  © Dr Rich Richard ard Bolst Bolstad ad In 2009, those of us involved in personal development got a wake up call from researchers who demonstrated that one of the most popular self-development tools of all time generally lowered people's self self esteem and made them less lik likely ely to act. As with t he repeat repeat ed research research showing showing t hat an oversimpl oversimplistic istic appli applicatio cation n of "The "T he Secre Secrett " is one of o f t he two tw o most mo st signif signif icant icant impedi impedimen mentt s to to achievement (Bolstad 2010), this research on affirmations was almost ignored by NLP trainers as well as ot her "personal "personal development development expert expert s". Mostly, Most ly, we just just didn't didn't t hink hink t he research research could have have been done co rrect rrectly ly.. But recently there have been several corroborating studies, and I believe it's time we took a new look loo k at a t echnique echnique that t hat was never of f icial icially ly devel developed oped as part of NLP, NLP, was crit crit iqued iqued clearl clearly y by t he developers developers of NLP, NLP, and now has been shown o nly to work in cert cert ain situat situat ions. There are good reasons reasons why af f irmations irmations block success success,, when they do, and t hey are are easy t o understand so t hat we can move move beyond aff af f irmation. irmation. The Initial Research Studies Psycholo Psychologists gists Jo anne V. Woo d and John W. Lee f rom t he Universi Universitt y of Waterloo Wat erloo,, and W.Q. W.Q. Elaine Elaine Perunovic from the University of New Brunswick, first asked 249 research subjects to fill in a short questionnaire questionnaire design designed ed to t o analyse analyse thei t heirr selfself-esteem esteem and to say how how o f t en they said said positive t hings hings about t hemsel hemselves, ves, on a scale scale f rom 1(never) 1(never) to 8 (almost (almost daily daily). ). About 50% gave gave a rat ing of  6 or higher. Subjects who already had high self-esteem said they already often said affirming t hings hings t o t hemsel hemselves, ves, particul particularl arly y t o help help t hemselv hemselves es cope wit h exams, exams, prepar prepare e f or presentat ions, cope with wit h problems, problems, or even as part part of t heir heir everyd everyday ay rout ine. ine. On average, average, t hey felt t hat such stat st atemen ementt s were helpf helpful. ul. Tho se wit wit h low self self -est eem also also claimed claimed t hat such stat st atemen ementt s sometim somet imes es helpe helped d them t hem,, but but t hey said said that t hey more more of t en made made them feel worse. To f ind ind out why, the researche researchers rs did did two t wo f ollow-up st udies. udies. First irst,, they asked asked their subjects subjects t o write down do wn anything t hey f elt or o r tho ught in a f our-minut our-minut e period. period. T he recrui recruitt s incl included uded equal equal numbers numbers of students st udents wit h high high or low self- esteem and half half of each group were told t old t o say to t hemselv hemselves, es, "I am a lovable lovable person", person", every every 15 seconds, on t he cue of a bell rung by the researcher. Afterwards, they completed several questionnaires. Two of these were designed designed to assess their mood, including including questions such as "What is t he probabil probability ity t hat a 30-year30-yearold will be involved involved in a happy, happy, loving loving romance?" romance?" and "Would you like to go t o a party?" Ano t her  set o f questions rated t heir heir curr current ent self-est self -est eem by aski asking ng them to say which which of t wo adjectives t hey felt closest t o - - eg valuabl valuable e or useless, useless, nice nice or awf ul, goo d or bad. As you might might expect expect , the students st udents wit h higher higher self self -est eem had higher higher,, happier happier scores on all three questionnaires questionnaires t han those t hose with low self- esteem. In fact t hey actual act ually ly f elt slightly slightly bett er than befo re, aft af t er sayi saying ng the aff af f irmations irmations (only sligh slightt ly t hough). But But f or t hose who already already had low low self- esteem, the ef f ect o f  t he aff af f irmations irmations was dramat dramatic ic and negat negativ ive. e. They f elt wo rse af af t er sayin saying g these t hese words, had more more negative beliefs, beliefs, and had lower expectat ions of success. success. Their self self -est eem scores scores were almost almost halved halved as as a result result of o f t rying rying to use af af f irmations. irmations. The researchers explain the result by saying that everyone has a range of ideas they are prepared t o accept accept.. Messages Messages t hat lie lie within t his his boundary are are more more persuasi persuasive ve than t han tho se that t hat f all out side side

it - those meet t he greatest resist ance and can even lead to people holding ont o t heir original position more strongly. If a person wit h low self -est eem says somet hing that's positive about t hemselves but is well out side t he range of what t hey'll actually believe, their immediate reaction is t o dismiss the claim and feel even worse. St atements t hat cont radict a person's current self -image and basic model of t he world, no matt er how posit ive in intention, are likely t o t rigger mismatching t hought s. Of course, as an NLP Practitioner, you have several interventions t hat can change self image and model of t he world so t hat t hese af f irmations would work... and of course then t he aff irmations may not seem so import ant anyway. Wood concluded that aff irmations only work in situat ions where people make very specif ic st atement s that are impossible to argue with, or where none of their major beliefs are challenged. For example, people may be better off saying "I choose goo d gift s f or people" rather than "I'm a generous person". Put in Transforming Communication t erms, positive stat ements are bett er worded as sensory specif ic "I messages" rat her than as  judgment s. She cautioned t hat "out landish, unreasonably posit ive self- stat ements, such as 'I accept myself completely,' are of t en encouraged by self -help books. Our results suggest t hat such self-st atement s may harm the very people t hey are designed f or: people low in self-esteem." In t he third study, subjects were asked to consider the statement "I am a lovable person" and either to f ocus only on ways in which it 's true, or t o co nsider ways in which it is and isn't t rue. Af t er  t he task, people wit h high self-esteem benefited f rom fo cusing only on t he posit ive side of t he stat ement, but t hose wit h low self -esteem felt worse about t hemselves if t hey dwelled only on positives, and bett er if t hey were asked t o t ake a more balanced approach. Wood suggests that if  people wit h low self-est eem are asked t o t hink only positive tho ughts, and f ind it diff icult t o block out negative ones, that merely cert ifies their belief t hat t hey aren't measuring up to st andards. As f ar back as 1991, Norbert Schwarz at t he University o f Michigan (1991) fo und that people who were asked to remember 12 examples of being assertive rat ed themselves as being less assertive t han tho se who just had to remember 6 examples. He pointed out t hat it was not remembering the 12 event s that made t he people feel bad, it was their own internal response to having dif f iculty remembering 12. When people had t rouble in bringing 12 examples to mind, they decided t hat t hey must not be very assertive aft er all. NLP Approaches to Affirmation Richard Bandler and John Grinder did not include "af f irmat ions" in t heir list of NLP techniques. Robert Dilts in t he Encyclopaedia of NLP does champion af f irmations, saying "Af f irmation is a method f or creating, strengt hening and encouraging positive 'self -f ulfilling' processes. "Af firmation" essentially involves the verbal assert ion and reinforcement of empowering belief s. The process of aff irmation involves the repetit ion of a series of belief st atements. In many ways, aff irmations represent a f undamental example of "neuro-linguistic programming". They employ t he use of language to establish and encourage positive mental "programming"." (Dilts and deLozier, 2000) However, Dilts examples of affirmations are all current reality based. Put another way, Dilts examples are all process oriented eg "It is possible f or me t o be healt hy and well," "I have the capabilities to be healthy and well," rather than outcome based "I am healthy and well." The above research suggest s t hat since his aff irmations don't challenge t he client's "reality" t hey are more likely to be received positively. Bandler and Grinder did develop methods for transforming internal beliefs, and they seem to have been very aware of the risk of contradicting a person's experience of reality. Bandler, for example, describes creating a new belief as creating a new fo cus of att ention, rather than cont radicting t he evidence that a person has collected about "reality". Describing the construction of new belief s, Richard Bandler says (1985, p 105-109) "Do you know what belief you'd like to have in place of the belief you have now?... Start thinking about it no w, and be sure you t hink about it in posit ive t erms, not in t erms of negations. Think of what you do want t o believe, not what you don't want t o believe. I also want you t o f rame that belief not in terms of an end or goal, but in terms of a

process or abilit y that would result in you get t ing t hat goal. For instance if yo u'd like t o believe that you know NLP, change it so t hat you believe you can pay att ention, and learn and respond t o f eedback in order to learn NLP.... We want t o mobilize new abilit ies, not install new delusions!" T o t he ext ent t hat "Every day in every way I am gett ing bett er and bet ter," (to quot e one tradit ional aff irmation) is inconsist ent with reality, it is of course a delusion. No wonder many people in t he research resist it. I Wonder If Positive Quest ioning Works Bet t er T han Aff irming? Recent research of f ers hint s of a technique that solves t he aff irmation-kickback problem and conf irms an even earlier NLP approach. Ibrahim Senay, Dolores Albarracín and Kenji Noguchi at t he University of Illinois gave research subjects challenging tasks, and had them say one of t wo very diff erent type of comment t o t hemselves befo re starting. One type of comment was "I will do t his" (an aff irmation). The o t her  was "Will I do t his?" (a quest ion). In several diff erent experiment s, the result s were the same. Those who asked t he quest ion were more mot ivated, more f ocused and more successful. Furthermore, t hey report ed dif f erent subsequent t hinking about t heir goals. In one st udy, f or  example, subjects had a goal of going t o t he gym regularly. Those instructed t o say "I will" reported later t hat t hey felt mot ivat ed (fo r example) "Because I would feel guilty o r ashamed of myself if I did not ," whereas those instruct ed to say "Will I?" report ed that t hey felt mot ivated (f or example) "Because I want t o t ake more responsibility f or my own health." In NLP terms, the aff irmations had a kickback ef f ect o f producing away f rom mot ivation, whereas the questions produced t owards mot ivat ion. The researchers not ed that questions open the person t o po ssibilities while aff irmations close the mind to o t her choices. Questioning invit es you to explore; aff irmation t ells you what is and ignores the ability t o find unexpected or more useful result s. This questioning style of internal dialogue has been under-reported in NLP, but we can see it in Milton Erickson's work. Milton Erickson continuously quotes his own internal dialogue before any new success as "I was wondering..." He does not use self-affirmations, he uses self-questioning. For example in his collected works, in a discussion with Ernest Rossi, he mentions how he developed t he ability to write whole art icles during his sleep, unconsciously. He says "I wondered if I could writ e edit orials. If I did not recognize my words on t he printed page, t hat would t ell me there was a lot more in my head t han I realized. Then I had my proo f that I was brighter t han I knew." (Erickson, p 7) Lat er, he describes how he gave himself a t ranscendent personal experience: "I was in the backyard a year ago in the summertime. I was, wondering what f ar-out experiences I'd like to have. As I puzzled over t hat, I not iced t hat I was sitt ing out in the middle of nowhere. I was an object in space....It was the most far-out thing I could do!" (Erickson, p 21). One NLP process that installs a useful questioning style as a meta-strategy in a challenging situation is the Core Questions Process described by Steve Andreas in his new book "Help With Negative Self Talk" (Andreas, 2010, p 82). The basic idea of t his process is that we are continuously sorting our experience / deciding how to respond by asking ourselves unconscious questions. Somet imes these quest ions are structured so t hat t hey deliver only unhelpful answers (like, for example "Why does this always happen to me?"). You can identify such unhelpful questions and install more usef ul questions t hat are bet t er designed to meet your int ention. My own version of t his installation process f ollows as an appendix. Conclusions Self -af f irmat ion is a language patt ern developed long before NLP, and research as well as NLP indicates some cautions about its use. Af firmations work best when t hey refer to specif ic positive elements o f a person's current experience which are acceptable in their current model of t he world. Even t here, aff irmations st ate a f ixed idea, and self -questions may provide a more useful and

forward moving replacement for unhelpful internal dialogue. Self questioning is explored in more detail in Steve Andreas recent book "Help With Negative Self Talk". Dr Richard Bolstad is an NLP Trainer and author, and can be reached by email at richard@transfo rmations.net.nz, on t he int ernet at www.t ransf ormations.net.nz and by phone in New Zealand at (+64) 09 4784895 Bibliography  Andreas, S. (2010) Help Wit h Negat ive Self Talk Real People Press, Moab, Ut ah (Available at http://www.realpeoplepress.com/pages.php?page=selftalkebook) Bandler, R. (1985) Using Your Brain For A Change, Real People Press, Moab, Utah Bolstad, R. (2010) "The How Behind The Secret" Acuity t he ANLP Journal, Issue 1 Dilts, R. and DeLozier, J. (2000) Encyclopedia of Systemic Neuro-Linguistic Programming and NLP New Coding, NLP University Press, Scotts Valley, California (Available at http://www.nlpuniversitypress.com/) Erickson, M.H. The Collected Papers of Milton H. Erickson Vol I-IV (ed Rossi, E.L.) Irvington, New York, 1980 Schwarz, N., Bless, H., Strack, F., Klumpp, G., Ritt enauer-Schatka, H., & Simons, A. (1991). Ease of retrieval as inf ormation: Anot her loo k at the availability heuristic. Journal of  Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 61, No. 2, page 195-202 Senay, I., Albarracín, D. and Noguchi, K. (2010) Mot ivating go al-directed behavior t hrough introspective self-t alk: t he role of t he interrogat ive fo rm of simple future t ense Psychological Science Vol 21, No. 4: p 499-504, April 2010 Woo d, J., Elaine Perunovic, W., & Lee, J. (2009). Positive Self-Stat ements: Power f or Some, Peril f or Ot hers. Psychological Science (DOI: 10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02370.x) Appendix. Key Questions: Deciding what you'll ask of life! From Richard Bolstad (adapted from the Core Question process, NLP Comprehensive Master  Practitioner Manual 1996) 1. Resourceful state; Rapport 2. Ask client what situation, or what context they want to find the core question f or. (eg. "at work" "my relationship wit h my kids" "dealing wit h a client/st udent") 3. "As you t hink of t hat sit uation, imagine stepping back into your body there. Notice what yo u see t hrough your eyes there, what you hear, and what you f eel in your body. Be aware of how yo u are deciding what actions to t ake." 4. "If t here were a question t hat quietly guided all your behaviour in t his cont ext, what would it be?" 5. "Now t hink of t hat question. Check that when you say that question t o yo urself, it reminds you of t he sit uation." (You're checking it has the same submodalit ies; ie feels like t hinking of t hat sit uation itself). 6. "If you knew, what is your  unconscious mind's positive int ention in asking t his question in t his situat ion?" If t he person t ells you a negative intention (like "t o get me worried") ask "And if it get s you that f ully and completely, what even more important t hing will you get t hrough that ?" 7. "Is there a quest ion that would be even more eff ective in gett ing you t he posit ive benefit s you want in that sit uation?" 8. If t here is, say "I'd like you t o st ep back into your body in that situation, and say t he new question to yourself  -act ually say it aloud no w, as you imagine being in that sit uation. Notice that when you're in t hat situat ion now, the new question is quietly at t he back of your mind, guiding your behaviour, and check t hat t hat f eels much more enjoyable! Imagine a f uture time, when you'll be in t hat sit uation again, and check how asking t hat new question changes t he way it f eels."