Published by Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group Pte Ltd 10 Hoe Chiang Road #01-01 Keppel Towers Singapore 089315 First published 2009 All right reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group Pte Ltd. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. Copyright©2009 by Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group Pte Ltd ISBN 978-981-08-3717-4 Edited by Betty L. Khoo-Kingsley Proof Read by Iunia Valeria Pasca Project Coordinated by Chris Shia Design & Layout by Seven Gallery Design & Consultant Printed in Singapore
ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR Teo Aik Cher is an educator whose words and illustrations have been featured in numerous publications. He has illustrated for Adam Khoo’s best-selling books ‘Secrets of Millionaire Investors’ and ‘Nurturing the Winner & Genius in Your Child’; the Speak Good English booklet ‘Speak Well, Be Understood’; illustrated and wrote for the first and second Singapore Kindness Movement books. His cartoons are also featured regularly in the Chinese Newspapers Lian He Zao Bao where he has a weekly weekend column. He is the author and illustrator of two best-selling books ‘Why Procrastinate?’ and ‘Why Take Action?’ which have been featured in Teenage magazine. He was also interviewed on 938 Live. Aik Cher is also a Graduate of Conrad’s Wealth Academy Pattern Trader Tutorial. He can be reached at
[email protected]
Also By Adam Khoo I Am Gifted, So Are You! Master Your Mind, Design Your Destiny Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires Secrets of Millionaire Investors Secrets of Building Multi-Million Dollar Businesses Clueless in Starting a Business Profit from the Panic How to Multiply Your Child's Intelligence Nurturing the Winner & Genius in Your Child
Acknowledgements By Adam Khoo To my parents Vince, Betty and Joanne, who have given me unconditional love and support throughout the years. To my wife, Sally, who has been my pillar of inspiration and strength for the last 17 years. To my two daughters Kelly and Samantha, who make me smile everyday. To my partner, Patrick Cheo, who has been sharing my vision and continually pushing me to the next level. To my partner Stuart for being the ultimate tag team partner on this amazing mission of empowering lives. To Gary Lee for years of friendship and support. Special thanks to my best buddy Jovasky Pang. To my friends and colleagues Conrad Lim, Keong Hee, Ramesh Muthusamy, Amin Morni, Melvin Chew, Danny Tong, Leroy Ratnam, Freddy Gomez, Candice Koh, Woei Tang, Yuan Yee, Hui Min, Andrea, Iunia, Benjamin, Pamela and Jeff, who keep bringing our programs to a higher level through their passion and dedication. To the entire staff of Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group and Adcom, who have tirelessly spent all their weekends and late nights working to build the companies at an incredible rate. This book is also dedicated to the hundreds of coaches & Whoosh members who have volunteered their time to continuously come back and coach for the Superkids™, ‘I Am Gifted So Are You!™’, ‘Patterns of Excellence™’ and ‘Wealth Academy™’ programs. To all my principals, teachers & lecturers from Ping Yi secondary school, Victoria Junior College and The National University of Singapore, who have played a tremendous part in shaping the person I am today. Especially to Prof. Wee Chow Hou, Mrs. Lee Phui Mun, Mrs. Ng Gek Tiang, Prof. Kulwant Singh & Prof. May Lwin. To my mentors and trainers who have helped me discover the true power within myself. To my first mentor, Ernest Wong, who taught me how powerful I really was. To my success and wealth mentors Dr. Tad James, Dr. Richard Bandler, John LaValle, Brad Sugars, Robert G. Allen and Anthony Robbins, who have all taught me the invaluable strategies of wealth and success. OF SECRETS TEENS UL SUCCESSF
i
Acknowledgements By Gary Lee To my dad and mum Victor and Carina, who have loved me unconditionally all my growing up years and supported me in good and bad times. To my brother Gerald, who I know has got my back all the time. To Elsa, who has been my inspiration in the many things I do. To Adam for being my friend and bringing me onboard this journey of empowering lives. To Stuart, who has enlightened me in my life professionally and personally. To Patrick, who has helped me become a better manager by learning from him. To my fellow trainers Amin Morni, Ramesh Muthusamy, Leroy Frank Ratnam, Melvin Chew, Danny Tong, Freddy Gomez, Andrea Chan, Pamela Chong, Yuan Yee, Anna, Iunia, Jeff, Hui Min and Siew Peng . To Candice Koh, who has taught me how to become a more emotionally connected person. Special appreciation to Serene Quek, Katherine, Rossana, Andrew, JD, Natalie, Leonard and Desmond for your invaluable support. To Chris for doing a great job in publishing this book. Also, Special thanks to Huiwen, Ying Xian and Dhiraj from the Superkids/ 'I Am Gifted' team. Special thanks also to Fredrick Tan, Dr. Peter Yan, Dr. Cheah Yin Mee and Radiah from Adam Khoo Learning Centre. To Queenie and Webster from Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group Sdn Bhd (Malaysia) and to Susanna S Hartawan, Alien Tan, Anni Bahar and Sintawati Halim from PT Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group (Indonesia). And to all the staff who have contributed to building a great place where all of us love to work in…you know who you are! To the entire staff of Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group, who have dedicated their time and effort to make this company the number 1 public training company in Singapore and a market leader in schools. To my friends, Shahnaz, Petrina, Marcus Tan, Cheryl Th am, Lydia & Woei Tang, Kalai, Lin Kuek, Jaelle Ang, Kyrie, Kristy, Theresa, Vivian Lim and many more that I have not mentioned, thanks for being an integral part of my journey and allowing me to appreciate the ii
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
wonders of what life has to offer. To my business partners in Bodynav Institute and best mates, Max and Wilson, thanks for holding the fort and building the company with me. This book is also dedicated to the many coaches who have given their heart and soul to make a Difference in the lives of many teens and children in the “I Am Gifted, So Are You!™” and the “SuperKids™” programs. To my principals, teachers and lecturers from St Andrew's junior school, Secondary school, Junior college and The National University of Singapore who taught me the good values and beliefs that have shaped me into the person I am today. To my mentors and trainers who have shared with me invaluable knowledge about being successful in life, Dr. Richard Bandler, Dr. Tad James, John La Valle, Paul McKenna, George Bein, Ernest Wong, Eric Jensen, Rich Allen and David Freeman. To the many schools and organizations that I have trained, thank you for your invaluable support and opportunities to forge close partnerships. I look forward to greater bonds in many years to come.
OF SECRETS TEENS UL SUCCESSF
iii
About Adam Khoo Adam Khoo is an entrepreneur, a best-selling author and a peak performance trainer. A self-made millionaire by the age of 26, he owns and runs several businesses with a combined annual turnover of over $30 million. He is the Executive Chairman of Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group Pte Ltd, one of Asia's Largest Public Training Companies and Education Group. Adam is also the best-selling author of nine other books including 'I Am Gifted, So Are You!', 'How to Multiply Your Child's Intelligence', 'Clueless in Starting a Business' and 'Master Your Mind, Design Your Destiny', which was the second highest selling book in Singapore in 2004 and has been on the Straits Times Life! best-sellers list for thirty-six weeks. His others books include 'Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires', 'Secrets of Millionaire Investors', 'Secrets of Building Multi-Million Dollar Businesses' and 'Profit from the Panic'. Adam holds an honors degree in business administration from the National University of Singapore. As an undergraduate, he was ranked among the top one percent of academic achievers and became a pioneer in the Talent Development Program, which is the university's gifted program. Over the last 20 years, he has trained over 550,000 students, teachers, professionals, executives and business owners to tap their personal power and achieve excellence in their various fields of endeavor. His success and achievements are regularly featured in regional media such as the Straits Times, the Business Times, the New Paper, Lianhe Zaobao, Channel News Asia, Channel U, Channel 8, Newsradio 938, The Hindu, The Malaysian Sun, The Star and many more. In 2008, 'The Executive Magazine' ranked Adam among the 25 richest Singaporeans under the age of 40. iv
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
About Gary Lee Mr. Gary Lee is the Regional Head of Training Division and Master Trainer for AKLTG, training flagship programs such as the “Transformation Teaching” workshops, the “I Am Gifted, So Are You!™” and the “Super Kids™” training programs conducted by the company. A Trainer since 2000, Gary has trained participants regionally in countries including Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, Singapore and India. Gary has been involved in training programs and learning methodologies since the age of 15. Having years of extensive experience with countless adolescents and children ranging from those with academic difficulties to those with learning disabilities and childhood traumas, he has helped countless teens and children to believe in themselves and overcome all odds in order to be the best they can be. His core brain based learning competencies include the learning brain from a neuroscience approach, the fragile brain with learning disabilities, and applications of brain based learning from a classroom perspective. He is also the co-author of the book “Nurturing the Winner & Genius in your child”, which was on the National bestseller list for 14 weeks. A licensed Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming™ (NLP), a brain based certified trainer and an MBTITM accredited Facilitator, Gary coaches numerous people towards professional and personal excellence in the adult programs that AKLTG has under its wing. Today, he mentors working professionals to reignite their motivation and passion to better their communication at work and at home. As a certified Master clinical Hypnotherapist and hypnotist under the National Guild of Hypnotists (NGH) and International Association of Counselors and Therapists (IACT), Gary uses the knowledge he has to help organizations resolve conflicts, team build and gain personal mastery through emotional intelligence, and also to help parents understand their children through the many ad-hoc parenting talks that he has conducted for many years. Once a below average student, Gary used the strategies and methodologies that he shares today to catapult himself to the top 5% students in his OF SECRETS TEENS UL SUCCESSF
v
Secondary School. Gary has since graduated from the National University of Singapore. While studying in NUS, he balanced his time between his academic work and rigorous career as a trainer. Today, while training and managing staff strength of about 30 people, he found the time to pursue a financial MBA from Manchester Business School. He was also personally trained under many other gurus in their own specialized fields including Adam Khoo, NLP™ Master Trainer & creator of Timeline Therapy™ Dr. Tad James, Co-Creator of NLP Dr. Richard Bandler and, in the United States, Dr. George Bein, NGH certified instructor and well known Hypnotherapist and Eric Jensen, author and pioneer of many well-known brain based learning materials and programs. Gary lives by the success paradigms he shares with the people he has trained. Amidst his daily training schedule, he is also currently a director of a learning company and a co-founder of another company dealing in holistic health. In his many entrepreneurial endeavors, Gary has learnt and mastered the various challenges in business building and managing people which he infuses into his training.
vi
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Table Of Contents Acknowledgements About Adam Khoo & Gary Lee
i iv
Chapter ONE
:
Unleash the Winner Within
1
Chapter TWO
:
The Awesome Power You Have
23
Chapter THREE
:
If You Believe You Can, You Can!
39
Chapter FOUR
:
Must I Love Myself?
57
Chapter FIVE
:
School, Is It Really Important?
75
Chapter SIX
:
Mastering Your Mind for Success
89
Chapter SEVEN :
Think Big And Make It Happen!
109
Chapter EIGHT
:
Friends Make You or They Break You
141
Chapter NINE
:
Making Parents Our Partners
163
Chapter TEN
:
The Big Secret to Scoring ‘A’s [Part I]
183
Chapter ELEVEN :
The Big Secret to Scoring ‘A’s [Part II]
207
CHAPTER
ONE
UNLEASHING THE WINNER WITHIN
CHAPTER
ONE
Unleashing the Winner Within
Hi! My name is Adam and I’m the guy who wrote this book. I don’t know about you, but when I was younger, I never liked to read anything but comics. I found books boring and preferred to entertain myself gaming or watching TV. So, if you are like me, I can understand that reading this book may seem like a big stretch. This is why we have packed this book with lots of pictures, snazzy designs and fascinating stories to make our learning journey as exciting as possible. I don’t know if your parents bought this book for you to read, or you picked it up yourself. Whatever the case, I promise that I will be sharing with you answers to questions and problems about life and school that you have been searching for. I know because I was one bored teenager (and near bottom of the class) not too long ago. So here in this book I will show you how to deal with all the problems you face as a teen. The ideas and strategies I will reveal will not only make your life a whole lot easier (yup! being a student can be really stressful and tough), but also show you how to make your teenage years exciting and successful.
Playing the Teenage Game Can Be Tough, So Here are the ‘Cheat’ Codes Feeling overwhelmed by so many problems everyday? Demanding parents, peer pressure, extra curricular activities, homework, depression. Or maybe tough exams, boring teachers, class projects, tuition teachers, irritating brothers and sisters, nagging mothers... the list goes on. 3
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
To say that teenage life can be overwhelming and stressful is an understatement! Playing the teenage game can sometimes be tougher than playing the latest PS or Xbox RPGs! In real life, there appear to be a whole lot more ‘enemies’ we need to tackle simultaneously, many things we cannot seem to control, and levels which are a whole lot more difficult to get pass. At the same time, in real-life we can’t hit the restart button. If we make big mistakes & mess up, we can’t start all over again from square one. We have to face painful consequences for wrong decisions. This is why it is really important to play the game of Real-LIFE armed with the most effective tools! Isn’t it great when you can get your hands on ‘game strategy’ books and cheat codes, where they tell you how to easily win certain games? You know exactly where the weapons are, which shortcuts to take, where the enemies are coming from, how to perform secret moves, and how to give yourself extra ‘power ups’! The good news is that there are winning strategies and ‘cheat codes’ in the game of real life as well! Read along and I will show you the secrets and strategies you can use to stop losing and start winning. I have discovered that confident, happy and successful teens are NOT necessarily born with ‘superior talent’, ‘extraordinary intelligence’, ‘motivated genes’, or ‘super good looks’ (although it may seem so). It’s just that they have discovered the right strategies of how to win at the game of life. Imagine yourself being able to... ✌ Balance your work, play and family effectively ✌ Achieve top grades in school ✌ Get along with your parents (even though they may still drive you crazy at times) ✌ Motivate yourself whenever you feel lazy ✌ Make friends easily and become popular in school ✌ Confidently deal with any challenges ✌ Make smarter decisions
Unleashing then Winner Withi
4
All these things may seem a million miles away if you are not doing too well right now. However, let me tell you that no matter how lousy your results have been in the past, they can improve really fast when YOU want to make that change, and when you have the ‘cheat codes’ to make the best decisions and take the right actions. Plus, if you are already doing ‘okay,’ think about how much better you can do with the right tools.
So What Makes Me the Expert? Now, you may be thinking to yourself that all this sounds really good, but what makes me such an expert to tell you how to make your life more successful? Well, what makes me a super expert at turning failure into success is that I used to be a super screw up! That’s right! I hate to admit it, but I used to be a total loser, with a capital ‘L’. Every stupid decision and mistake that could have possibly been made by a teenager was made by me. Yet, despite all my failures and mistakes, and my starting out way behind everybody else, I managed to finally turn my life around 180 degrees and achieve success in every area of my life, in school and beyond.
My Story…Starting Way Behind
I know that there are some really lucky people who are born ‘gifted’, ‘talented’, ‘full of confidence’ and with superb physiques. I was NOT one of them. 5
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
In my younger days (back in Primary School), I was a blur, pimple-faced, skinny boy who was not very good at learning anything at all. I found it difficult to understand anything I had to read, or anything the teacher taught the first time round. I kept forgetting what I had learned, made careless mistakes and was especially bad at Math and Chinese language. As a result, I did not like school or studying. I found it all too boring and difficult. I preferred to read comics, watch TV and play computer games. At school, I got bored during lessons, so I would entertain myself by picking fights and annoying my teachers. Sure enough, my average grades were ‘D’s and ‘F’s, and each year I landed in the worst class in St. Stephens Primary School. Things got so bad that I was expelled for fighting in class when I was in Primary three (age 8). Fortunately, another school (Ngee Ann Primary) took me in the next year. However, I still did not learn my lesson and continued fighting and fooling around. When I sat for my National Exams (Primary School Leaving Exams) at age 12, I did so badly that I was rejected from all six secondary schools that my parents had chosen. In the end, I was posted to a new, neighborhood school called ‘Ping Yi.’ Although I had great teachers there, I chose to mix around with the wrong group of classmates. Because of all the negative influence and peer pressure, I started smoking, fighting and fooling around once again. Sure enough, my grades continued to suck big-time. By the end of secondary one, I was failing six out of eight subjects and was ranked among the bottom students in the class. I felt totally hopeless and believed that I could never do well. At that time, I believed that I was not as 'smart' or as 'intelligent' as other students. I believed that no matter how hard I tried to study, I could never do well anyway. It did not help that many people around me reinforced this negative self-image I had. My tuition teachers, my relatives and some of my school teachers kept saying things such as, 'why are you lazy?', or 'what is wrong with you?', or 'why can't you understand such simple things?' There are some people who are not too good in their studies, but excel in sports, CCAs or other activities, right? Again, I was NOT one of them. I seemed to suck in my studies AND everything else I did. Unleashing then Winner Withi
6
I was a weak, skinny kid who had very little confidence in himself. In secondary one, I thought it would be cool (as I was always fighting) to join the National Cadet Corps for students (a Military Corp) as part of my school's extra curricular activity requirement. Guess what happened? I fainted during the first parade, after standing at attention for 30 minutes. My application was subsequently rejected after I failed the entry tests (I could not run fast enough, nor march in rhythm). At the same time, I had constant coughs and colds, and poor stamina. I would get breathless whenever I ran for more than ten minutes. As a result, I could not pass the annual National Physical Fitness tests, and was totally embarrassed when the girls in my class overtook me. All these lousy experiences sank my self-esteem and confidence to rock bottom. As a result, I never bothered to take any kind of initiative, nor did I volunteer for anything. I preferred to 'act blur' and 'take cover' whenever opportunities were offered. It did not help that, at the same time, my parents were getting a divorce. As I was an only child, I became even more depressed and withdrawn. I felt that everybody was looking down on me. In my family, most of my cousins were straight 'A' students in prestigious schools, and winners of scholarships, while I seemed to be the 'black sheep.' To make things worse, my father remarried and the next thing I knew, I had a stepmother and a stepsister. When I found out that my stepsister was a straight ‘A’ student in Raffles Girls School (one of the top schools in Singapore), and in the Gifted Programme to boot, the mere comparison made me feel like an even bigger loser.
Discovering the Winner In Myself So how did I get from a total loser to a super successful teenager, and to where I am today? Well, at the end of secondary one, when my life had hit absolute rock bottom, I actually got totally sick and tired of being a ‘nobody’ and a ‘loser.’ I wanted really badly to change my life, but had no idea how to do it. 7
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
The turning point in my life came when I was 13-years-old. In desperation, my father sent me to a motivational camp conducted during one of my school holidays. It was at this Camp that I was exposed to life transforming ideas and tools. You see, I used to believe that other kids were more successful because they were born 'smarter', 'more talented,' 'more motivated' and also had better teachers and perfect parents. I used to believe that I could never be anything like them. Then, in the camp, I was totally inspired when I learned that actually, deep inside, we are all born WINNERS. We all have the power to achieve any kind of success we want. It is just that we have not learned how to use our power (you will learn about this power in chapter two). I learned that every person has the same potential for success. If anyone can achieve anything he/she sets his/her mind to do, then so could I. It was only a question of using the right strategies. Fully charged up and wildly excited after that 5-day camp, I started to read books on HOW to motivate myself, how to improve my memory, how to speed-read, how to improve my concentration, how to make notes, and how to manage my time effectively. (I share all these learning strategies in the later chapters of this book, as well as in my first best-selling book, 'I Am Gifted, So Are You!')
Aiming for the Sky Once I changed my beliefs and attitudes about myself, and learned these powerful learning strategies, I decided to aim for the sky! I set four big goals for myself and wrote them on a big sheet of paper that I pasted up on the wall in my room. My goals were: #1: Become the top student in my school within a year. (Remember that I was failing 6 out of 8 subjects at the time). #2: Get into Victoria Junior College (VJC).
Unleashing then Winner Withi
8
#3: Get into the National University of Singapore. (You have to be among the top 10% of students in the country to qualify for a place). #4: Start my own business and become a millionaire by the age of 26! (This seemed pretty crazy too). I must admit that setting those four goals seemed totally impossible and crazy at the time. But you know what? The excitement of possibly achieving them really challenged me to give my very best. I started doing things that I had never done before: paying attention in class, asking questions whenever I did not understand, making effective notes, using memory techniques, learning from past mistakes, and actually preparing for exams.
Achieving the ‘Impossible’ After a year of taking action and applying everything I had learned, I received my secondary two report card with my exam results. I did NOT top my school. However, I managed to climb from the bottom of my level to among the top 20 students! Although I did not reach my goal, I felt tremendously successful because of the big improvement I had made. So, the next year, I set my goal once again to top the school. Did I make it this time? No! However, I improved again, this time to rank among the top 10 students in secondary three. The next year, I set my goal to score straight 8 ‘A’s for the Cambridge ‘O’ Level Examinations. When the results came out, I found out I did not get the 8 ‘A’s I had aimed for; still, I achieved 7’A’s! The results qualified me to get into Victoria Junior College, helping me achieve my second goal. After scoring straight ‘A’s for the Cambridge ‘A’ level examinations, I achieved my third goal of getting a place in the National University of Singapore, where I studied Business Administration. Once in university, I continued to give my very best and apply all the highly effective learning strategies I had mastered (you will learn these in chapter 6). Within a year, I was ranked among the top 1% of academic 9
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
achievers in the university, earning a place in the elite Talent Development Program (the university’s gifted programme). Within three years, I completed my 4-year honours degree; I had been placed on the Dean’s List every consecutive year. The best part about learning super fast and knowing how to manage my time effectively was that I wrote my first book, ‘I Am Gifted, So Are You!’, and started two businesses while I was still an undergraduate.
Achieving Success Beyond School By the time I graduated (at 24), I had built two profitable businesses: a mobile disco company, 'Creatsoul Entertainment', and 'Adam Khoo & Associates.' The latter was a company that I set up in order to train school students to achieve good grades and personal success. I was earning $1,000 an hour as a trainer, and was featured in the local newspapers. Over the next two years, I expanded my businesses, became the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of my own companies, and also invested intelligently in property and the stock market; All of these led me to achieve my first million by the age of 26. I had finally completed all four goals I had set 11 years before, at the age of 13.
If I, a 'Total Loser,' Can Do It, Then So Can You! What I want to impress upon you is that ANYONE can change. If I could turn my life around, from a total loser to a spectacularly successful person, so can you. You have the same potential I have and, in the chapters to come, you will soon learn to use your latent power. If you are ready to begin, I am going to share with you my first secret…
The Ultimate Success Formula One of the first secrets I discovered was that there is a formula for success. People who achieve success in studies, in sports, in making friends, in relationships, and later in their careers and wealth-building, do so NOT because of luck or lucky circumstances. Unleashing then Winner Withi
10
What I found was that people who succeed follow a series of steps that I call the ‘Ultimate Success Formula’. There are 8 steps in this formula. Let’s now learn what they are.
Step 1: Set a Goal The first step to achieve success in anything is to set a clear goal to achieve it.
If you don’t know what you want, then how can you possibly achieve it? If you want to score 90% in your next Math test, you have to first set a goal to do it. If you want to become a student leader, you have to first see yourself achieving this in your mind. If you cannot see your target, how can you take the necessary steps to hit it? So what do you want? To score 90% for Math? Score 8 ‘A’s for the coming exams? Be ranked fifth in class? Become a student leader? Win a scholarship? Win a sports competition or a talent quest? Which college are you aiming to get into? If you have no idea what goals you should set for yourself or what you really want, don’t worry. 97% of people have no idea either. In chapter 8, you are going to learn about the awesome power of setting goals and how to use it to create the future you want...starting Today.
Step 2: Use the Right Strategy Once they set their mind on a goal, the second step that all successful people take is to find the right strategy to achieve it. For any kind of goal that you want, there is ALWAYS a strategy to achieve it. If you want to get 100% for a Math paper, there is a strategy to do it. If you want to be a millionaire, there is a strategy to do it. If you want to make friends easily and have people really like you, there is a strategy behind it. 11
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
So how do you find the right strategy? The fastest possible way would be to study people who have already achieved the goals that you have. By taking them as role models and learning exactly how they did it, you can achieve those goals as well. Again, this is exactly what I did. To achieve my goal of scoring straight ‘A’s and becoming a top student, I learned the strategies that top students used. To achieve my goal of becoming an effective leader, I modeled the way good leaders behaved and communicated to others. In chapters 10 and 11, I will reveal to you the strategies of how to score distinctions in exams. In chapter 8, you will learn the secrets of how to make friends and become popular, and in chapter 9 you will learn the strategies of how to get along with your parents.
Step 3: Take Action The third step is the most important step of all. It is to simply TAKE ACTION! To give it your best shot. Many people never succeed because they may set great goals, know exactly what to do, but don’t take action. Instead, they keep procrastinating and saying things such as, ‘I will do it later’, or ‘I will do it tomorrow.’ STEP 1
GOALS STEP 2
STRATEGY STEP 3
ACTION
So what stops most people from taking action? What stops them from practicing daily for the next big game? What stops them from communicating positively to their parents? There are usually two emotions that stop them: ‘Laziness’ and ‘Fear.’ Do these emotions stop you from taking action as well? Well, in chapter 6, you are going to learn how to program your brain to overcome laziness, and motivate yourself instantly.
Again, I took step 3 as well. Once I set my goals and learned the right strategies, I went back to school and took massive action. I applied the strategies consistently and started getting results.
Unleashing then Winner Withi
12
Step 4: Achieve Success or Get a Learning Experience When you take action and attain the goal that you have set, you will have achieved ‘Success’. For example, if you went all out to run to become a student leader, and you got elected, then (again) you would be successful. However, do you ALWAYS achieve success when you take action? Of course not! Many times, you may take action but you will not achieve your goal. Most people call this FAILURE! People tend to be so afraid of ‘failure’, that they rather not even set goals in the first place. ‘What if I set a goal and fail?’ is what most people think. ‘It would be a lot safer to just stop dreaming and accept whatever life gives me’.
The Loser: “When I Fail, I Give Lots of Excuses, Blame Others and Quit.”
Many of us are taught to believe that successful people are those who never fail and always get what they aim for. Well, let me shock you with the TRUTH about successful people. Successful people not only fail, but they fail EVEN MORE than average people do. This is because they tend to go for it a lot more!
The ultimate difference between people who eventually succeed and those who never ever succeed is what they do when they fail. When ‘Losers’ fail, they will tend to give lots of excuses, blame other people and quit. People with this ‘loser’ mentality will obviously never ever achieve any kind of success in their life. Do 'Winners' fail? Of course they do. The difference is that when people with the 'Winner's mindset' don't reach their goals, they don't see this experience as failure (as most other people do). They see it as a 'Learning Experience': The Winner: “When I Fail, their strategy is not working. Instead I Learn from My Mistakes of feeling bad, they get motivated Until I Succeed.” because they have 'learned something' and are closer to their goals than those people who have never even tried at all. Winners believe that the only way they can fail is to not even give it a shot. Not taking action is the greatest failure of all. 13
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
STEP 1
GOALS
- -S-TE-P 5Su
STEP 2
nge STEP 3
--
Failure
---
ACTION
-
Learning Experience
STRATEGY
cha
c cess
STEP 4
“You Miss 100% of the Shots You Never Take” – Wayne Gretzky, World’s Greatest Hokey Player
Winners Believe: Failures Bring You Closer to Success Losers Believe: Failure is the End of Success
Step 5: Keep Changing Your Strategy Until You Succeed So, what do winners do when they get a learning experience? Well, they don’t quit. Instead, they learn from their mistakes, change their strategy and take action again. They will keep repeating this process UNTIL they succeed.
Unleashing then Winner Withi
14
STEP 1
GOALS
- -S-TE-P 5Su
STEP 2
ge
ACTION
---
--
Failure
STEP 3
-
Learning Experience
STRATEGY
n cha
c cess
STEP 4
My Mandarin Challenge So, did I ‘fail’ many times before I eventually succeeded in achieving my goals? You bet! In Singapore, it is compulsory to pass Chinese in order to qualify for junior college and university. My big problem was that Chinese was my worst ever subject, one that I could never get close to passing, let alone excel in. The trouble was that I come from a family where nobody can speak Mandarin. So, when I entered Primary one, I had no idea what the Chinese teacher was talking about. After she insulted me for being ‘stupid’, I developed a mental block for the language and vowed never to learn it. My Chinese became so bad, that I would score an average of 20%-30% for any test or exam. In secondary school, I continued to fail all my Chinese tests, getting marks of 20%-30% (I did not even bother to study). Then, at the end of secondary three, I started to panic when I realized that I had to pass my Chinese to get into Junior College. So, I set a goal to score a ‘B’ within a year. After setting the goal, I started to look for a strategy to memorize 15
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Chinese words and prepare for the exam. I took massive action for my final year exam (secondary 3). However, instead of hitting my goal of getting a ‘B’ (above 65%),’ I still failed! Only this time I managed to get 40%+.
Failing Again and Again...But Never Quitting I took it as a learning experience and starting learning from all my mistakes in grammar, spelling and vocabulary. I set my goal again to hit a ‘B’ for the National ‘O’ Level exams in June of 1990 (secondary 4). When the results came out, I found out I had failed with an ‘F’ (Below 40%)! It turned out that the national exams were even tougher than I had expected, and so I fared even worse. I started to have doubts that I could ever pass this tough subject. It did not help that even my Chinese teacher told me I was a hopeless case. However, I renewed my self-motivation and knew I had a chance to retake the paper at the end of the year. So, I reviewed what I had done wrong, changed my study strategy and gave my very best for the 'O' Level exams. When the results came out the following year, I was devastated to learn that I had gotten only an 'E' (40%-45%). Although it was a slight improvement, the fail mark meant that I could NOT get into junior college (even though I had scored straight 'A's for all my other 7 subjects). Officially, it was my last chance because I had to leave school to serve in the Singapore Army. However, I still didn't quit my dream of being accepted into Victoria Junior College. I knew that I had one final slim chance. I could retake my Chinese exam as a private candidate while serving time in the Army. This time, I totally changed my strategy. I learned and applied a special memory technique to memorize the entire Chinese dictionary within six months, and I memorized over 50 Chinese essays. A year later, I went to sit for the Chinese paper in my Army uniform, still keeping in mind my target of getting a 'B.' I knew that this was my very last chance to achieve my dream. When I got my results three months later, I found that I had gotten a 'C' - pass! Although I did not hit my target, I got close enough to qualify for junior college. One of the most important lessons that I would like to share with you is that in life you don't always hit your goal, but success is about getting as Unleashing then Winner Withi
16
close as you can to that goal. You will always achieve that success if you are committed to constantly changing your strategy and taking action! So, what kept me going? Why didn't I give up? Well, the one thing that kept me going was that I learned to have absolute faith that 'I CAN do it', and that 'I will ALWAYS find a way to succeed.' So, step six is…
Step 6: Empowering Beliefs The sixth ingredient that you must have in order to succeed is a very strong set of empowering beliefs that 'YOU CAN SUCCEED.' It is only when you strongly believe in yourself that you will dare to set high goals and keep going on, without ever giving up. Losers never succeed because they lack strong beliefs. As a result, they never dare to set any goals, thinking 'I could never do it' or ‘It is impossible for me.' In chapter three, you will learn about the awesome power of beliefs and how they can turn the 'impossible' into 'possible.'
ULTIMATE SUCCESS FORMULA -- - - - - - - --
- --
STEP 2
STRATEGY
- --
----
STEP 3
ACTION
- -- ---- - - - - -- -- - - --- - - ---
- -- - - -- -- - -- -
- -S-TE-P 5-
n v i ro n P8 S TE - E m -- -c c e s s en t -
Failure
STEP 7
Su
Learning Experience
GOALS ge
-
SELF ESTEEM
STEP 1
n cha
---
-- -
BELIEFS
STEP 4
-- --
-
--
--
STEP 6
---
17
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Step 7: High Self-Esteem The 7th factor that all successful people have is a high level of self-esteem. When you have high self-esteem, you will have a strong sense of self-worth, and the confidence to set high goals, take action and learn from your mistakes. Teens with low self-esteem will never dare to 'go for it' and 'make mistakes.' Their fear of 'looking bad' will keep them from achieving anything in life. In chapter 4, you are going to learn how to measure your self-esteem, how to love yourself, and how to build a strong sense of self-worth that will bring out the best in you.
Step 8: Get Support from Your Environment While you can do your best to take charge of your life, there are two major factors in your environment that will constantly shape your happiness and success. They are your FRIENDS and your PARENTS. Our friends and parents are constantly affecting how we think, how we feel and what we do, aren't they? You can set great goals and do your best to believe in yourself, but if you surround yourself with negative friends, they will soon pull you down and make you feel bad. In chapter 8, you will learn how smart teens choose the right friends to help them achieve success. Parents can affect us a lot too, right? Sometimes, over-protective, nagging and over critical parents can make us feel really lousy about ourselves. But don’t worry, you are going to learn the secrets of how to win your parents over and rope them in to become your partners - No kidding! This is in chapter 9!
Unleashing then Winner Withi
18
How to Get the Most Out of this Book Now that I have given you an idea of what this book is all about, let me share with you how YOU can get the most out of it. Many people ask me this question: 'Can reading a book really change my life?' My answer is always: 'No! No book can ever change your life. It is only YOU who can change your life.' The book can only give you the tools to help you create success for yourself. However, all this knowledge that I will share with you is worthless UNLESS you take action and apply it! So, I encourage you not to just read this book like any other ordinary book. If you allow me, I would like to be your personal coach; to talk to you as if I were right there with you. As I coach you, I am going to ask you to do some really important activities so you can reflect on your thoughts and immediately use what you are learning. On the pages that follow, please feel free to underline important ideas and jot down notes and whatever personal thoughts you may have. The more you participate actively, the more benefit you will get from this book.
Reflection 1: What Challenges Are You Facing? Before you can achieve the success that you want, you must first be aware of all the challenges that are stopping you right now. So, in the space on page 21, write down all the challenges you are facing in school. The challenges you face in your relationships. The challenges you have with your family. The challenges you have with life in general. (P.S. I prefer to use the word 'challenges' instead of 'problems' because the former seems a lot more exciting)
19
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Challenges That Other Teens Face Now, let's look at the problems that other teens all over the world are facing. Here is a list of common challenges I have compiled after asking thousands of students who have gone through my programs. Laziness Easily distracted No motivation No interest in studying Nagging parents Boring teachers Stress Annoying brothers/sisters Not enough time Cannot concentrate Not enough money Addicted to computer games
Lack of focus No confidence Fear of failure Procrastination Slow learner Bad memory Peer pressure Bullied in school Too demanding parents Feel depressed Easily bored Discouraging teachers
Are your problems similar to the ones listed above? If they are, then don't worry. You are 'perfectly normal.' The difference between successful and unsuccessful students is that successful teens have found strategies to overcome these challenges, whilst the latter have not.
Unleashing then Winner Withi
20
Reflection 2: What Do You Want to Achieve from this Book? In order to get the most out of this book, you must also read it with a purpose in mind. When you have a clear outcome of what you want, your brain will help you get there a lot faster. So, if there were at least 5 CHANGES you would like to make in your life, what would they be? To be more motivated? To learn much faster? To make smarter decisions? Write down your answers in the space below.
Great! Now that you know what you want to change and what is stopping you, let’s begin this learning journey by discovering...
21
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
CHAPTER
TWO
THE AWESOME POWER YOU HAVE
CHAPTER
TWO
The Awesome Power You Have
When I was younger, I always wished I had magical powers, just like the ones of my favourite super heroes. I believed that if I had such powers, all my problems would magically disappear! I could stop my parents from nagging, make myself a hundred times smarter, predict all the test questions, or turn my teachers into cute babes. Alas, I was a very ordinary teen. I felt like I had no control over any of the things that were happening in my life. I had no control over my bad memory, my negative teachers, my nagging parents or my friends. I couldn’t even control my moods. As a result, I felt pretty hopeless. I felt that things could never change for the better. Do you feel the same way sometimes?
You Actually Have an Awesome Power My life started to change when I discovered that I actually did possess an amazing power within me and that if I tapped into it, I could change anything in my life. It is a power that I started to use in order to change how I felt, change my grades, change how my parents treated me, and, most of all, change myself from a loser to a winner. I am here to tell you all that YOU have this same power too! So, what is this power? The power I am talking about is the power you have to make CHOICES. You can choose to be a winner, or choose to be a loser. You can choose to be rich and successful in your future, or choose to be poor and unhappy. You can choose to be lazy, or choose to be motivated. Success or happiness is not something that happens to you by accident. It is a choice that you make. 25
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
You May Have Not Chosen Your Outer World, But You Choose Your Inner World Now, you may be thinking to yourself: ‘Wait a minute...there are many things in my life that I had no choice over! I could not have chosen my parents. I could not have chosen to be born rich instead of poor, nor could I have chosen to be smart instead of slow, good looking instead of average’. Yes, while you may have no choice over what happens to you in life (I call this the outer world), you do have 100% choice over your own THOUGHTS and ACTIONS (I call this your inner world). Your thoughts and actions are what really matter because they are the ones that determine your success and happiness. By choosing the right thoughts and actions, you have the POWER to change what happens in the outer world. You have the POWER to achieve any result that you want!
Let’s say you get a new History teacher one day. This teacher is super boring and uses difficult words that nobody understands! Does this mean that you are definitely going to flunk History? No! Although you cannot change that teacher, you have a 100% choice over your thoughts and actions. If you choose to sleep in class, stay blur and not bother to study as the other students do, then you will very likely fail. e The Awesom ve Power You Ha
26
However, you can choose to keep awake by writing notes and raising your hands to answer questions. At worst, you can spray some water on your face and slap yourself a few times (just kidding !) While no one in class understands what the heck the teacher is talking about, you could choose to read the textbook on your own and ask him (or another tutor) questions after class... until you do understand. In this way, you will be in control of your success! In fact, the boring teacher may actually be a blessing in disguise for you. Because of him, the rest of the class may fail, and you can easily become the top student!
When You Change Your Inner World, The Outer World Will Follow One of my friends, Kate, shared her story with me. Ever since she was young, her mum has had this habit of putting her down. She would say, ‘you are always so lazy’, ‘ you are so forgetful’, and ‘how can you succeed?’ At first, Kate let herself be discouraged by her mum’s words; she felt inadequate and didn’t dare to reach for her goals. She kept wishing that she had a more encouraging mum. Then one day, after talking to me, Kate learned that she had the power to change her life. Although she could not change her mother, she could choose to change her thoughts and actions. She decided to think positively, ‘I can do it! I will prove it to my mum!’, and she started taking positive action by believing in herself and working harder. When she started to change her inner world, her outer world began to change. Sure enough, with a lot more motivation & self-confidence, she started to achieve more success in her grades and her tennis. When her mum saw her success, she changed too. Instead of putting her daughter down, her mum now praises her in front of their relatives. The funny thing about life is that when we change, the people around us all begin to change.
You have a Choice in Life. So, Choose to Win!
27
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Winner Or Loser? Your Choice! What makes winners different from losers is NOT what happens to them. Rather, it is the different choices they make. I know many winners in life who were born with pretty lousy deals! Some of them were born to abusive parents, born with low IQ, born into very poor families, or even born paralyzed. Yet, they became super successful and happy because they chose positive thoughts and actions. I will share with you their stories in the pages to come, so stay tuned! At the same time, I know many people who were born smart, rich and good looking. However, because they chose negative thoughts and actions, they ended up broke, addicted to drugs and miserable. Let’s find out how people choose to become winners or losers in life. The Loser When losers have problems, they always choose to do three things. First, they choose to give excuses. For example, if they lose a competition, they will give themselves excuses such as, ‘there was no time to train’, ‘I was unlucky’, ‘the referee was not fair’ or ‘the weather was too hot’. Secondly, losers choose to blame everyone else. For example, they may blame their coach (‘he’s a lousy coach’). They may blame their parents (‘I inherited their lousy genes’ or ‘they did not encourage me’). Finally, instead of improving themselves, losers like to spend their time complaining about why everything is so bad. If you have found yourself doing any of these three things, don’t feel bad. It is pretty normal. Most teens unknowingly go into ‘loser mode’. I must admit that I was stuck in ‘loser mode’ when I was in school. So what happens when you keep going into ‘loser mode’? You become a loser! e The Awesom ve Power You Ha
28
Here’s the problem: although blaming makes us feel good temporarily, it doesn’t change anything! We will still keep playing badly. We will keep on losing in the future, and then we will feel even worse.
When You Blame Something or Somebody, You Are Giving Away Your Power When you blame someone (or something), you are giving him/her your power! For example, if you fail English and blame your teacher for being lousy and boring, it means your teacher is the one controlling your success! So, you have no power to change your results; only your teacher can do so. This is why losers feel powerless and helpless. They believe that for things to change, other people must change. So, they let their life get controlled by everyone and everything around them. They like to say things such as, ‘that’s just the way I am’, ‘there’s nothing I can do’, ‘it’s not my fault’, and ‘they ruined my day’. The Winner Do winners have great things just happening to them all the time? Nope, in fact some of them may be born into poor families, have abusive parents, have mean teachers, or be given less opportunities. However, they always have the power to make their life the way they want it. This is because winners choose to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for everything that is happening in their life. For example, if they fail an English test, winners will take responsibility for the situation. 29
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Instead of blaming and giving excuses, they believe that THEY CREATED their results because of their past choices. Maybe they chose not to pay attention in class, they chose not to ask questions when they did not understand, they chose not to study hard enough, or they studied using an ineffective strategy.
Taking Responsibility Gives You the Power Because winners believe that they create all their results, they know that they have the power to change and create different outcomes! They also believe that for things to change, they must first change themselves.
Take Responsibility for my Results Beliefs… “ I create my results through my thoughts and actions” & “For things to change, I must change first”
Give Excuses, Blame Others and Complain Beliefs… “Other people control my results” & “I have no choice” “For things to change, other people must change first”
Jane's Story: From Arrogant to Popular One of my past participants, Jane, was a smart, good-looking student who got top grades in school. She also had lots of self-confidence and participated enthusiastically in various activities. Whenever the teacher asked for a volunteer, she would wave her hands frantically in the air, hoping to take the lead. The problem was that nobody in her class liked her. They found her an arrogant, bossy 'know-it-all'. Whenever she started speaking, the others would roll their eyes and ignore her. She had no friends, and she felt miserable. At first, Jane chose to be in the 'loser mode'. When I asked her why no one liked her, she gave excuses and blamed everyone else. She said things such as, They're jealous of me' 'They are all mean!' 'They are stupid!' and e The Awesom ve Power You Ha
30
'Who needs them?' As long as she kept blaming, nothing changed. Then, I explained to Jane that in order to be a winner, she had to take RESPONSIBILITY for what was happening. At first, she responded , 'I did not do anything wrong! I am not arrogant!' 'Why should I change? They should change!' After speaking to Jane's friends, I made her realize that her answering questions in class too many times without giving others a chance put her classmates off. When she told people what to do without first listening to them, she appeared bossy and arrogant. 'You have the power to make others like you if you first change your behaviour', I told her. Indeed, when she started to give others a chance and listen more before talking and giving her opinion, her classmates started to be nice to her! Now she is one of the most popular students in her school.
The Magic Formula: E + C = R Here is a really powerful formula that you can use to turn problems into opportunities for success. It is the formula used by winners. It goes ' E + C = R'. So, what does it mean? 'E' stands for 'EVENT'. An event is anything that happens to you. For example, these are EVENTS that could happen to any one of us: You fail an exam Your best friend betrays you Your girlfriend/boyfriend dumps you for someone else You are born poor ☺ You get an amazing teacher Some nasty kids hurl insults at you ☺ You get top grades for your exam ☺ You are born rich and talented Your parents get a divorce You mess up an important sports competition
31
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
One thing about EVENTS is that they can be either good or bad. We have no control over when and how these events happen, just as a windsurfer has no control over where the winds blows.
Losers Believe that Events Create Their Outcomes Losers think that the EVENTS that happen to them create their RESULTS (that's what the 'R' stands for in the formula) Losers Think...
E R = ‘EVENT’ My ‘RESULTS’
For example, they believe that because they are born poor (the 'Event'), they will have fewer opportunities than other people. And so they too will end up poor (their 'Results'). They believe that because they have discouraging parents or lousy teachers (the 'Event'), they will definitely not do well in their studies (their 'Results'). If someone insults or makes fun of them (the 'Event'), they will feel demoralized and depressed (their 'Results'). Thinking that E = R will make you feel that you have no control over your own success and happiness. Instead, your life is controlled by the events that just happen to you!
Winners Know their Results Are Determined by their Choices Winners, on the other hand, believe that EVENTS don't create their RESULTS. Their results are determined by the CHOICES (that's what 'C' stands for) they make. Even if the wind blows against their sails, they can choose to adjust their sails and keep going straight!
Winners know...
E C R + = ‘EVENT’ ‘CHOICE’ ‘RESULTS’
e The Awesom ve Power You Ha
32
Winners know that even if life throws at them the most lousy EVENTS, they can achieve the RESULTS they want by making Positive Choices. Have you ever worked really hard on something, only to have it not work out? For example, maybe you trained really hard for an upcoming soccer tournament. During the game, you did your very best to win, but in the end your team lost miserably! How did you feel? What did you do after that? Will you ever get the chance to win in the future? It all depends on how you CHOOSE to respond to the event. Some people make negative choices by blaming their teammates, giving excuses that the field was too muddy, or that the referee was unfair. They choose to think, ' I can never win', and they give up. What is the likely result of making these negative choices? The result is that they will probably never succeed in the future. On the other hand, winners make positive choices even though their events are bad. If they lose the game, they choose to think about learning from the mistakes they made and about the way they can play better and win the next time. They choose to train even harder to win the next time. The result is that they will become much better players and win future games.
Positive Choices Lead to Positive Results Negative Choices Lead to Negative Results So you can see that when events happen to us, we can make Positive Choices, or we can make Negative Choices. Obviously, choosing positive thoughts & actions leads to success, and choosing negative thoughts and actions leads to negative results.
Positive Choices • Choosing to learn from mistakes • Choosing to become better • Choosing to motivate myself • Choosing to work even harder to succeed the next time
Negative Choices • Choosing to blame • Choosing to give excuses • Choosing to feel bad • Choosing to give up • Choosing to do nothing
33
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
So, next time an event happens in your life, don't just react without thinking. Instead, push the 'Pause Button' on your forehead and choose positive thoughts and actions that will lead to successful results.
Turning Insults into Self-Motivation I remember how I used this formula to propel myself to reach my goals in my 'O' level exams. After setting my goals to score straight 'A's, I started making lots of colourful notes and asking lots of questions in class. When some of my friends asked why I was acting so strangely (I used to chat in class and fool around), I told them that I was determined to top the school. Guess what happened next? They burst out laughing and said that I was nuts! “You are stupid and blur. How can you top the school?” Usually, when events like this happened to me in the past, I would choose to get angry and fight, or choose to get discouraged and quit. This time, I knew that I could CHOOSE to think and act positively. I chose to motivate myself by telling myself: 'The more they laugh, the more motivated I will be to work hard and prove that they are the idiots.' Sure enough, I felt even more motivated and inspired to work harder after that. The outcome? I got 7 'A's for the exams and was one of the top students. If I made negative choices, I wouldn't bewriting this book right now. I would probably be a bum on the streets.
What If You Were Born with No Arms and No Legs? Does your power to choose work even if really bad stuff happens to you, and all the odds are stacked against you? Absolutely! I would like to share a story about a guy whom I truly admire. His name is Nick Vujicic and he is from Australia. If you think that you have had a lot of bad events happen in your life, it will all seem so trivial compared to what Nick has gone through. Nick was born with no arms and no legs. He only has one visible foot, with two toes e The Awesom ve Power You Ha
34
attached. When he was born, the doctors told Nick's parents that he would probably not be able to stand or walk. Everybody who saw him was convinced that he would end up living a very sad, low quality life. When he was in school, Nick was constantly teased by his classmates for looking so strange. Nobody can blame him for having suicidal thoughts at the age of 10. At first, Nick felt lousy about himself because he chose to think negatively. He chose to think about all the things he could not do without limbs: he could not feed himself, he could not swim, he could not run, he could not hold things, he could not play sports, he could not find a girlfriend etc… By choosing to think about his weaknesses and problems, he made himself feel bad. Do you do the same thing to yourself as well? The turning point in Nick's life came when he realized he had the POWER to achieve anything that he wanted. He had the POWER to become as successful as any normal person with limbs. He realized that being born without limbs (the 'EVENT') was something he could not change. However, he had the power to CHOOSE his thoughts & actions. If he chose to think positively, he could learn how to do things without his limbs, and focus on achieving success despite his handicap. Once Nick realized his power, he knew that he could live a life without limits. He started to set big, inspiring goals - first to get a college education, then to be a motivational speaker, and finally to become a best-selling author. Today, at the age of 26, Nick has achieved much more success than 90% of the population! He graduated from university at the age of 21 with double major in finance and accounting, He has made millions of dollars in his career as a motivational speaker, real estate developer and options trader. As an inspirational speaker, he has inspired and motivated over two million people from nineteen countries. Through sheer will and determination, Nick can write (with two toes), work on the computer, play the piano, play football, play golf, and even swim. To watch videos of Nick in action, you can visit his website at www.lifewithoutlimbs.org, or check out www.youtube.com. So, think about it. If a person with no arms and no legs can achieve all the success he wants: top grades, fame, love from others, wealth, can't you do the same when you use your POWER to choose? 35
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Can You Be Born With Everything and Still End Up a Loser? Are there some people who are born with the exact opposite circumstances? We know that there are some ‘lucky’ people who are born rich, talented, with great looks, high intelligence, and with all the opportunities handed to them on a silver platter. You may be thinking to yourself that these people don’t have to do anything at all, they are guaranteed to be winners, right? WRONG! Many people are born with great ‘Events’, but because they chose to think and act negatively, they end up destroying what they have! I am sure you all have heard of the superstar Britney Spears. Britney was born with all the qualities and traits that most people would wish to have. She was born with a beautiful face, a gorgeous body, supportive parents, and a talent for singing and dancing. At a young age, she was given the chance to become a singer, and became a worldwide success! Still, with all these great events happening to her, how did she end up? If you have been reading gossip magazines, you will know that she ended up as an alcoholic, drug user and convicted felon. She went through two divorces, lost custody of her children, and became so depressed that she went to a mental institution. How did this happen? When she started experiencing difficulties and problems in her life, she made negative choices. She blamed others, mixed around with the wrong friends, and turned to drugs and alcohol. As a result, she turned her life from success to failure. So, don’t wish you had better looks, more money or better parents because IT DOES NOT MATTER! What matters is that you use your power to make positive choices right now.
The Past Does Not Equal the Future If you are getting lousy results in your life right now because of wrong choices you have made in the past, don’t worry! It is never too late to change. The past does not equal the future. Just because you have gotten lousy grades in the past does not mean that you will get lousy grades in the future. Just because you have not been getting along with your parents in the past does not mean that e The Awesom ve Power You Ha
36
things will be the same in the future. The future depends on the choices you make right NOW, in the present. The good news is that if you start making positive choices TODAY, you can create the success that you want TOMORROW. Today is a brand new opportunity for you to make things right! So, if you are ready, we are going to learn the principles and strategies that will help you make positive choices in your life. First, let’s explore the power of your beliefs...
37
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
CHAPTER
THREE
IF YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN, YOU CAN!
CHAPTER
THREE
If You Believe You Can, You Can!
Welcome to chapter three! I am glad you decided to stick around. In the last two chapters, you learned that you have the power to change anything in your life. So, why doesn't everybody do this? Why doesn't everybody use the ultimate success formula to get what he or she wants? Why do so many people wish for better grades, better relationship with their parents, entrance to great colleges, but they do not do anything about all these desires? What is stopping them? If you are not using your full potential right now, what is stopping YOU?
Beliefs: The Power to Unleash Or Destroy Our Potential The answer lies in the BELIEFS that you have. Your beliefs are what you think you can or cannot do. They are what you think is or is not possible for you. Different People Have Different Beliefs
Do you think the beliefs you have affect you? You bet! When you believe you CAN do something, this belief immediately unlocks your potential and unleashes your power. You start to achieve far greater results! 41
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
However, when you believe you CANNOT do something, you destroy your own power and lock away your potential forever. Think about it this way. Your potential is like this huge 1000-gallon container of water, and your beliefs are like a tap that controls the flow of the water. When you say, 'Yes, I can achieve something!’ you turn on your tap, unleashing all your potential to help you achieve what you want. The moment you tell yourself, 'I cannot do it', you turn off your tap, and your potential remains trapped inside you.
The Prophecy of Success and Failure
Beliefs
Results
Actions
Potential Tapped
Let’s find out how your beliefs affect your success or failure. The BELIEFS that you have affect the kind of ACTIONS you take. For example, let’s say your teacher told you when you were young that you were good at Math, and you believed him. By believing that you are good at Math, you will probably think to yourself, ‘I can score an ‘A’!’ When you believe you are good at something, you will want to do more of it. So, you will be motivated to listen attentively during math class, take down notes and practice every chance you get. If you get an answer wrong for homework, you will think, ‘I can get it right the next time if I learn from my mistakes, as I am good at Math’. By taking all these ACTIONS, you will tap a lot of your POTENTIAL. As a result, you will probably get great RESULTS for your Math exam. Scoring an ‘A’ will further strengthen your belief, and you will think, ‘See! I knew I was good at Math’. You Can, If You Believe n! You Ca
42
If you score a ‘C’ for the exam, you will think to yourself, ‘the reason I did not do well was that I was just careless and not prepared enough’. ‘I am sure I CAN score an ‘A’ for the next exam if I practice even harder, because I am good at Math!’ Sure enough, you work even harder the next time and score a distinction. Believing in something makes it come true. This is called a self-fulfilling prophecy. What if you had a negative belief about Math instead? Maybe a teacher told you that you were no good at Math, and you believed him. If you believed you were not good at Math, would you take different actions? You bet! You would not be interested to listen in class or even bother to study. You’d think, ‘why study? I am not going to do well anyway’. If there were something that confused you, you would think, ‘I can never understand this because I am not good at Math’ and you would not bother to ask questions until the teacher cleared up your confusion. Sure enough, by taking no positive actions, you will not tap the POTENTIAL you have locked inside you. As a result, you will definitely get lousy RESULTS. Getting that ‘D’ or ‘F’ will prove your belief to be true. ‘I knew it! I’m no good at Math’. Once again, believing in something makes it so! So, if you are not good at something and want to change your RESULTS, the first thing you must do is to change your BELIEFS.
Beliefs Trap Elephants… Do They Trap You? Did you know that elephants are the strongest land mammals in the world? They are so powerful that a male elephant can lift a 500 kg tree log with his trunk, and even pull a tree down. So how do elephant keepers secure this super strong animal from running away? All they do is use a rope or chain to tie the elephant's 43
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
leg to a stake in the ground. The moment the elephant's leg is tied to the stake, the elephant will not run away. Do you think the elephant has the POTENTIAL to break the rope? Of course, it has the strength to even pull a tree down! However, the elephant does not attempt to break the rope and escape because it believes it cannot do so. Why? The reason is that when the elephant is young, its keepers put him through a brainwashing program. They tie the leg of the baby elephant to the stick in the ground. Because it is still a baby, it doesn't have the strength to break the rope, no matter how hard it pulls. After hours of tugging, it gets cuts and bruises on its leg. After hours of frustration and the pain of 'trying', the elephant eventually gets to a point when it gives up, and believes that it is impossible to break the rope. Years later, even though the elephant has grown to become ten times bigger and much stronger, it will not even attempt to pull the rope or chain and escape to freedom. The elephant has been trapped by its own beliefs! As strange as this sounds, the same thing happens to most people! Many people have the potential to achieve the success they want. However, their negative beliefs stop them from even attempting. Before they do anything, their brain tells them: 'You can't do it!' 'You are sure to fail!' So they don't even attempt to take any action. Most never realize even one-third of their potential.
Were You Brainwashed with Lousy Beliefs too? Maybe when you w e r e young, someone told you that you were not good at drawing. Maybe you flunked a spelling test in kindergarten. Maybe your classmates laughed at you when you gave the wrong answer in class. Maybe relatives teased you about your shyness or stammer. After some time, your brain got filled with all these limiting beliefs: 'I cannot draw', 'I am shy'. 'I can't speak properly' or 'I am bad at spelling'. You Can, If You Believe n! You Ca
44
So, what happens next? For the rest of your life, you may never dare to pursue art, you may not dare to make new friends, or take the trouble to learn how to spell correctly.
Pull & Break the Rope! Know that like the strong elephant, you too have the potential to overcome the limitations of the past and achieve whatever you want. You can become a great artist. You can become a confident leader (trust me… I used to be super shy myself). You can get along well with your parents - despite terrible fights in the past. Just because you did not do well in something at some point in time does not mean that you cannot do it Now! Or tomorrow. Just as the elephant became stronger as it grew older, you too will become better as you learn new strategies and get new experiences. So, the only thing that is holding you back from achieving your heart's desire is your beliefs. What you must do is break away from those old, useless beliefs, and go for it!
Breaking the 'Impossible' with New Beliefs While limiting beliefs trap you, powerful beliefs can make you do things that appear impossible to many other people. Let me share with you a personal experience about the power of beliefs. When I was studying in the National University of Singapore, I was inspired to write a book that would teach ordinary students to become 'A' students. As you know by now, that book is 'I Am Gifted, So Are You!' However, everyone whom I (a 22 year-old) spoke to about writing a book responded with negative comments: 'Are you crazy? You can't even write a good essay, how can you write a whole book', my friends said. 'You don't even read many books, how can you write a book?', my dad said. Luckily, I knew that what all these people were saying to me came from their own limiting beliefs, like the ropes or the chains trapping the elephant. 45
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
So, without one single word of encouragement from anyone, I went ahead. I had this strong belief that anyone can write a best-selling book if he/she believes in himself/herself, has a great story to tell or great experiences to share, and uses the right strategies. Sure enough, after two years of hard work, 'I Am Gifted, So Are You!' was published and it went on to become a national bestseller in 6 countries. Once my belief was proven right, I easily wrote nine more books, including this one. The interesting thing is that my achievement affected the beliefs of my friends. They started to believe that writing a book is easy. Now, several of my young friends have become best-selling authors themselves.
Writing a Book At Age 10 is Impossible? Not Anymore! The most amazing example is a student of mine who wrote a book at the age of 10. After attending my 'I Am Gifted!™ Junior Programme, Dayna Tan told me that she had written a book called 'I Read 329 Books at 9, So Can You!'. You can read about her at www.daynatan.com.
After Luke Skywalker fails to lift the X-Wing Fighter from the swamp using the force, Yoda shows him that it can be done. When Luke doesn't believe it, Yoda tells him that is the reason why he failed.
You Can, If You Believe n! You Ca
46
Beliefs Are Never Absolutely True. Beliefs Change When We Change. I know that you may be thinking to yourself: ‘What if the negative beliefs I have are true? What if I am stupid? What if I am a lazy person? What if I am lousy at drawing? What if I am fat and ugly?’ What you must understand is that beliefs are never absolutely true! They are just OPINIONS that people make, or GENERALIZATIONS made based on PAST experiences. They may have been valid beliefs at one time, but if you work hard at changing your beliefs, they will not hold true for you anymore. For example, if your drawing in the past used to attract comments such as, 'You can’t draw, your cats don’t look realistic!', you may have developed a belief that you cannot draw or paint well. Is this absolutely true? Nope! The reason your drawing may have been lousy could be that you did not know the right technique, or that you never practiced enough. With training and practice, you could become an accomplished artist. Just because something happens a few times does not mean that it will always happen. Maybe you were asked to give a speech in front of the class, and you got so scared that you froze and forgot everything. If it happened two to three times more, you may have developed the belief that ‘I have stage fright and I will always freeze on stage’. Then you will never dare to speak in public again. You know what? That happened to me as well many times when I was in school. But when I learned techniques of public speaking and practiced enough, I became a professional speaker, on some occasions addressing as many as 2,000-3,000 people at a time. So, don’t ever accept limiting beliefs that other people impose on you! Beliefs don’t remain the same. They change when you change!
What If They Had Believed What Others Said? Did you know that some of the most successful and famous people in the world today were once told that they could never make it? Thank goodness they did not believe those ‘advisers’.
47
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Arnold Schwarzenegger, one of the world's major movie superstars (e.g. Terminator) and the current governor of California, was told by agents and casting people that his body looked 'too weird,' that he had a funny accent, and that his name was too long. He could never make it as an actor.
Michael Jordan, the world's greatest basketball player, was once expelled from his high school varsity basketball team. He failed to make the team because they thought he did not play well enough!
Elvis Presley, the King of Rock & Roll and one of the most famous performers of all time, was once called ‘a sad, shy, not especially attractive boy’ whose guitar playing was not likely to win any prizes. This was when Elvis was in high school.
Walt Disney, the creator of Mickey Mouse, Disneyland and the Walt Disney Company was once fired from his job because he was told that he lacked creativity and imagination.
When Orville and Wilbur Wright announced their goal to invent the first airplane, scientists and notables told them that their task was impossible. Lord Kelvin, President of Royal Society, said: 'Heavier than air flying machines are impossible'. So, next time people tell you that you are not good enough or you cannot do something, choose not to believe them. Instead, choose to prove them wrong! You Can, If You Believe n! You Ca
48
Beliefs that Everyone Thought Were Absolutely True Let me share with you some beliefs that everybody once thought were true. After all, famous and successful people once said these words and everyone believed them for years. “There is no likelihood that man will tap the power of the atom” - Robert Milliken, Nobel Prize Winner for Physics 1923 “Everything that can be invented has been invented” - Charles H Duell, Director U.S. Patent office in 1899 “Television won't be able to hold on to a captive audience after six months. People will soon get tired staring at a plywood box every night.” - Darryl F. Zanuck, Head of 20th Century Fox in 1946 “The Earth is the centre of the universe.” - Ptolemy, Great Egyptian Astronomer 2nd Century “For the majority of people, the use of tobacco has a beneficial effect.” - Dr. Ian G. MacDonald, L.A. Surgeon Quoted in Newsweek 1969 “Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances.” - Dr. Lee De Forest, Inventor of the Audion tube "Nobody will ever need more than 640k RAM in their computer!" - Bill Gates, Founder of Microsoft in 1981. “The horse is here to stay, but the automobile is only a novelty.” - President of Michigan Savings Bank advising Henry Ford not to invest
These beliefs may seem stupid and crazy today, but remember that for decades many people believed them to be 100% true.
49
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Now, let me share with you a list of beliefs that many teens hold to be true. Do you have some of these limiting beliefs yourself?
arner” “ I am a slow le e” m “ Nobody likes trusted” be ot nn “ People ca waste of time” “ Studying is a ng” “ School is bori rds” ne r fo “ Studying is school students d oo rh ou hb ig ne r fo “ It's difficult or colleges” to enter top juni t to get me” are ou reasonable” “ My teachers s. They are so un can I?” nt re pa y m h it t along w ty, so how “ I can never ge y family has gone to universi essful” m n never be succ ca I “ Nobody in so y il m fa ades” a poor ays get better gr ents” w al “ I come from l il w s ol ho top sc than local stud “ Students from e hardworking or m e ar ts en “ Foreign stud
The scary thing is that if you believe them, they will become true for you. When we don't believe them, they disappear. Why is this so? Well, when you believe something to be true, your brain will always find a way to prove it right. For example, if you believe that you and your parents can never get along, you are going to keep focusing on all the times you argue with one another. You will probably start avoiding and ignoring them. This behaviour will drive them even crazier, and make them even more unreasonable. However, if you believe that your parents are actually good people who have your interests at heart, then you are going to focus on all the sacrifices they have made for you. You will start appreciating that they worry about your future, buy you stuff, pay for your courses or tuition, fetch you to places, and make you dinner. When you start listening and opening up to them, you will find that they will listen to you and become reasonable parents. It's like magic!
You Can, If You Believe n! You Ca
50
What Limiting Beliefs Are Stopping You? So, I want you to take some time right now and write down all the negative and limiting beliefs you have. What negative beliefs do you have about school, about your siblings, about friends, classmates, teachers and even about yourself? Go ahead and do this exercise now.
Breaking Away From Old Beliefs So, if you have a whole bunch of lousy beliefs that have been making you feel bad and holding you back, how can you break them? The way to break a limiting belief is to find reasons why it is not true. For example, say you believe that you have a bad memory. If you think hard, can you find many reasons why this is not true? I am sure you can. You may discover that you can actually remember in sequence all 250 words of your favourite song. You may realize that you can remember the names and statistics of all the soccer players in the EPL (English Premier League), if you happen to be a soccer fan. You may also realize that you can remember all the moves and sequences in the computer games you play. When my friends tell me that they have a bad memory, I ask them: 'How come you can remember that you have a bad memory?' That usually blows their mind. Once you find enough exceptions, the old belief no longer has any power. By the way, in chapter 11 you are going to learn that all of us actually have a powerful memory, we just need to learn the right strategies to activate it. 51
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Once you break away from the old belief, the next step is to create a new powerful belief that will unlock your potential for success. For example, if your old belief was 'I have a bad memory', then your new belief could be 'I have an excellent memory'. The next thing to do would be to find ways to prove your new belief to be true. By using new strategies and taking lots of positive action, your new belief will become even stronger.
Programming Your Mind With New Beliefs What if you cannot find any proof for your new beliefs? Then imagine some! When you imagine strongly enough that something is true, your brain actually begins to believe it. How come this works? Well, research has shown that the human mind cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is clearly imagined. When you imagine something vividly enough, your brain will send the same signals to your body to create the real physical response. Let's see if this works. I want you to read the following instructions and then close your eyes, follow them exactly and see what happens. Here are the instructions. Close your eyes. Imagine that you are in your kitchen. Slowly walk to your refrigerator and open the door. See a big, yellow sour lemon in the fridge. Take the lemon in your hand and imagine what it feels like to hold it. Notice the texture and coldness of the lemon. Scratch the skin of the lemon, bring it to your nose and smell its sour fragrance. Bring the lemon to the tabletop where you have a knife. Imagine cutting a piece of the lemon, and see all the sour lemon juice oozing out. Now, take that piece of lemon and squeeze all of its juice in your mouth and taste the sourness! I'm sure that imaging this entire thing in your mind, or just reading it, is making your mouth secrete more saliva, right? It may even have made you screw up You Can, If You Believe n! You Ca
52
your face. Even though the lemon was only a part of your imagination, it created a real physical feeling in your mouth, making it water! So, how can you use this technique to help you? If you just simply close your eyes and imagine yourself feeling very confident and achieving a task easily, you will actually begin to feel confident and perform it better.
Secret Weapon At The Olympics The power of visualization has been used by top athletes for centuries to achieve top performance in competitions. For many years, the Americans could not understand how the Russians got top scores for their performances in gymnastics. Although they trained just as hard, the American gymnasts were not able to execute the twists and turns as perfectly as their Russian competitors. After the cold war ended, the Americans finally discovered the Russian's secret. Besides physical training, which was what the Americans went through, the Russians used the power of visualization. By imagining themselves performing the gymnastic routines perfectly over and over again, they programmed themselves for success. Today, all the top athletes, e.g. Tiger Woods, Michael Phelps, Kobe Bryant, use the power of visualization to train their minds to win.
Training Your Brain for Success Using Visualization You don't have to be a professional athlete to use the power of visualization. You can use it in many areas of your life right now. As I shared with you before, I used to be really lousy at speaking to a group of people. The moment people looked at me, my hands would turn cold, butterflies would fly around in my stomach, and my legs would tremble. My mind had the lousy beliefs that 'I am shy', 'People will not like what I say' and 'I have stage fright'. So how did I get from a super-shy, zero-confident person to the super confident, powerful speaker I am today? I used visualization to program my beliefs. Before I started to speak in front of a crowd, I would close my eyes and imagine myself making the speech. I would see myself 53
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
speaking and feeling confident. I would then imagine people clapping and congratulating me when I finished. I would imagine this many times, until it seemed so real that my mind actually believed it. So, even though I was making that particular speech for the very first time, it was as if I had done it a dozen times before. How else can you use the power of visualization? Well, before going for a sports event, imagine yourself performing well and winning. Do this many times, until you really feel the confidence surging through you and giving you the power you need to win. You can even use visualization to make a good impression on a girl or guy you like. If you feel really nervous talking to someone of the opposite sex (especially someone who is really cute), imagine yourself going up to the person and feeling really relaxed! Imagine the words you would use as an opening greeting, imagine how the conversation would go. The more vividly you can imagine a scenario, the higher the chance it will come true. Finally, you can even imagine yourself feeling confident and relaxed as you take your final examinations. Of course, you must first study hard in order to be able to answer the questions or write the essays!
The Beliefs of Winners Do you think winners have very different beliefs from losers? Of course! Losers choose to have beliefs that stop them from doing anything. Winners have beliefs that bring out the best in them. Here is a list of beliefs you can choose to have that will bring out the winner in you! Winner's Belief #1: If Others Can Do It, So Can I! Winners believe that if someone can achieve something, then so can they. When Barack Obama was a teenager studying in Indonesia, he wrote an You Can, If You Believe n! You Ca
54
essay about one day becoming the President of the United States. Everyone told him that it was an impossible dream. All the US Presidents had been white men, whereas he was a black man. In fact, just before he ran for the Presidential race in 2007, many people said that he would not win as no one would vote for a man with an Arab-sounding name, Barack Hussein Obama. What seemed even worse, the name is linked to the two most notorious men in the world: Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Ladin. However, Obama thought as a winner does and acted as a cool, but never arrogant leader…all the way to the White House. Sure enough, he made history by becoming America's first black President. Winner's Belief #2: With Enough Determination, There is Always A Way When things get tough and challenging, losers say: 'There is no way!' Winners believe that no matter how hopeless things may get, with enough determination there is always a way to achieve their goals. Remember the story I shared about Nick Vujicic, the man who was born with no arms and legs? Everyone thought that he could never live a normal life. But because he was so determined, he found a way to live not just a normal life, but an extraordinary life, achieving success in school, in sports and in his career. Winner's Belief #3: There are No Failures, Only Learning Experiences Winners fail more times than ordinary people do because they dare to set more goals and take much more action. However, what makes them succeed is that each time they 'fail', they take the ‘failure’ as a learning experience. They don't feel lousy and they don't give up. They keep learning from their mistakes until they succeed. When Thomas Edison 'failed' over 9,900 times in his attempt to invent the light bulb, people asked him: 'How could you fail so many times and not give up?' 55
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
He said, 'I did not fail 9,900 times. I found 9,900 ways of how not to invent the light bulb'. Winner's Belief #4: The Past Does Not Equal the Future. Winners believe that their past does not equal their future. Just because they had no confidence in the past does not mean that they will have no confidence in the future. Just because they were not able to achieve something in the past does not mean they cannot achieve it in the future. Winners know that the future depends on what they do right now, in the present! Every moment is a brand new opportunity to make a better future. So, forget about all your past failures, defeats and old beliefs. Start believing in yourself and making the right choices today, and you will get the success you set your heart on in the future. Winner's Belief #5: For Things to Change, I Must Change First Winners believe that for things to change, they must change first. When you change yourself, your results will change. When you change the way you think and behave, your parents, friends and teachers will all change accordingly. When I started changing by coming home on time, finishing my homework early, and tidying up my room before being told to clean up by an irritated dad, my dad changed his attitude towards me and started becoming more trusting and positive. When I started changing my attitude and behaviour in the classroom, my teacher also changed the way she treated me. When I started paying attention in class, asking questions and improving my grades, my teacher, instead of treating me indifferently and reprimanding me when I misbehaved (e.g. distracting my classmates), actually started praising and encouraging me. Isn't that powerful? Now that you have discovered the power of your beliefs, its time to learn…
You Can, If You Believe n! You Ca
56
CHAPTER
FOUR
MUST I LOVE MYSELF?
CHAPTER
FOUR
Must I Love Myself? I'm sure that there are lots of things that you really love. You may love your parents, your friends and your favourite movie stars. You may love rock music, your mobile phone and chocolate ice cream. But let me ask you a question that may seem really weird: Do you love yourself? Do you love that person you see in the mirror every day? Think about it and rate how much you love yourself by checking one of the boxes. ❏ I hate who I am. I wish I were someone else. ❏ I don't like myself at times. ❏ I am okay with who I am ❏ I don't really care about myself. ❏ I love myself. I am proud of who I am. If you find that you love yourself, then that's great! If you don't like yourself very much, don't worry. It's pretty normal. Would you be surprised if I told you that more than 90% of teens don't like the way they look? They don't like their faces and their bodies. They also think that they are not good enough, or not smart enough. Are you one of them?
Why Must I Love Myself? So, if so many teens don't love themselves, then what's the big deal? Well, here's the TRUTH: in order to be HAPPY and SUCCESSFUL, you have to start by loving yourself. The reason why most teens feel lousy about themselves, and fail to be popular, confident and loved, is that they don't like who they are. 59
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Many people think that they must first become successful before they start loving themselves and their life. In fact, the opposite is true. You must first love yourself before you can become successful. People who love and feel good about themselves have what is called HIGH SELF-ESTEEM.
The Most Important Person In Your Life Is… Let me give you the most important reason why you should love yourself. Imagine that there is someone whom you have to spend the rest of your life with. You have to spend every minute of every day with this person, day in and day out. This person is the first one you see when you wake up in the morning, and the last person you see when you go to sleep. This person is there on all your life's special occasions. This person is there during all of your life's ups and downs. When you are down, only this person can cheer you up. When you fall, only this person can pick you up. When you set a goal, only this person can give you the motivation and confidence to achieve it. This person will never leave you, and is the only one you can truly depend on. If you didn't like this person, wouldn't your life be absolutely miserable? You'd be forever stuck with a person you didn't like. You wouldn't be able to do anything! I am sure you can guess that this person is YOU! YOU are the most important person in your own life.
The Power of Loving Yourself When you really love someone, you always want the very best for him or her, right? You would do anything for the people you love. You would make sacrifices for them, and defend them if anyone spoke badly of them. The same thing goes when you love yourself. Must I Love
Myself?
60
When you love yourself, you will want the very best for yourself. You will aim to get the best grades, enter the best schools, and achieve whatever you set out to do. In other words, teens who love themselves dream big and set high standards for themselves. At the same time, you will be willing to work hard and make sacrifices for yourself. Teens who love themselves will take good care of their body and their mind. They are willing to sacrifice short-term pleasures for future benefits. They will study hard, exercise regularly, avoid distractions (such as watching too much TV and gaming) and say no to drugs and cigarettes.
When You Like Yourself, Other People Will Start to Like You As Well When I talk about loving yourself, I am not talking about being an arrogant, egotistical braggart who looks at himself every ten minutes and boastfully says: “I am the greatest.” Nobody likes a show-off! In fact, people who genuinely love themselves never boast or show off! They don’t need to. They already feel good about themselves... inside. When you like yourself, you will feel good about yourself. You will have the confidence to take on challenges, make friends and be outgoing. You will smile a lot and talk positively about yourself and others. Teens who feel good about themselves see the good in others, and give them sincere encouragement and praise. Having a confident and positive attitude will make you really charming 61
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
and attractive to others. People will start to admire and respect you. People love being around positive people because it makes them feel good as well. I remember when I was back in school, there was a girl called Vicky. Vicky was one of the most popular students in my school. Other girls admired her, and many guys had a crush on her. The funny thing was that Vicky was not really that pretty. She was a bit short and plump, and on top of it, she wore braces. And yet, guys were mesmerized by her! They fell for her beautiful smile and for the way she talked and walked, with lots of confidence. Most importantly, Vicky was always there to help others and to encourage friends who were down. Where did all her confidence come from? It came from inside herself! It came because she learned to love herself first…so she had loads of love to give to others.
People Who Like Themselves Have the Confidence to Think for Themselves, and to Think Differently Do you feel pressured to do certain things because everyone seems to be doing them? If you are asked to so something you know isn't right, will you do it just to be accepted and liked by your friends? When you love yourself, it is easier to think for yourself and say, 'NO!' when you know something isn't right. When you don't like yourself, you will find yourself easily influenced by others in order to gain their approval. When I was secondary one (at age 13), I still had pretty low self-esteem. I didn't like myself, and I badly wanted other people, especially my peers, to like me. When I saw all my friends smoking and they offered me a cigarette, I did not dare to say no. I was really afraid of being rejected and seen as a 'chicken'. So I started smoking, even though I knew it wasn't right. It was later, when I was 16, that I realized that if I just followed others in order to be well liked, I was nothing more than a brainless sheep. When I learned to love myself and feel good about who I was, I learned to say, 'No!'
Must I Love
Myself?
62
When You Love Yourself, Other People's Criticism Doesn't Affect You Much At All. If someone calls you 'STUPID' or 'FATTY', will you feel really upset, or will you laugh at them instead? Again, it all depends on how much you love and believe in yourself. Teens with low self-esteem tend to be super sensitive to criticism and take every casual remark as an insult. They get upset easily, and readily throw back insults or start picking fights. When you learn to love yourself, you believe in yourself and don't really care about what others say. Instead of feeling bad or feeling angry that you have been insulted, you will laugh at them for saying something so stupid, and you will be motivated to work even harder, to prove them wrong! A great example of someone who loves himself is William Hung, who auditioned in the third season of American Idol. William was a nerdy-looking, buck-toothed Chinese, who performed Ricky Martin's 'She Bangs' in front of millions of viewers around the world (you can watch it on Youtube.com). His off-key voice and stiff dance moves caused everyone watching him to burst out laughing. As expected, judge Simon Cowell made a stinging remark that went like this: 'You can't sing, you can't dance, so what do you want me to say?' Instead of feeling angry and resentful, William confidently said: 'I already gave my best, and I have no regrets at all'. So many viewers were so inspired by his positive attitude, that they started a fan website for him, which reached four million hits within its first week. He immediately shot to worldwide fame. What was amazing was that he was later offered US$25,000 in advance for a record deal, and subsequently produced three albums that outsold one of the winners of American Idol. He even starred in four TV shows and a movie that made him hundreds of thousands of dollars. Even when the whole world was laughing at his lousy singing and dancing, he didn't care! He kept on performing, and now he is the one laughing all the way to the bank. 63
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
You can see that even if you have no looks or no talent, you can achieve worldwide success and gain the respect and admiration of others, if only you love yourself.
If You Don't Like Yourself, You Will Remain Unhappy & Unsuccessful Sad but true, people who hate themselves tend to remain unhappy and unsuccessful. When you don't like yourself, you tend to put yourself down, think negatively of everyone else, including yourself, and also set low personal standards. Back in secondary school, I remember asking one of my friends, Stan, which University he was aiming to go to. He said: “I don't want to go to university.” I said, “With a university degree, you can get the opportunity for greater success, respect, and more money.” He shrugged and said, “Who cares?” At the time, I couldn't understand why Stan did not care about his own future. Later I realized it was because Stan did not like himself very much. In his mind, he did not think he deserved a great life. He believed that only other people, who were better than he was, deserved a successful life. So with such low self-esteem, Stan did not dare challenge himself in any way. When our teacher asked a question, he would never raise his hands. When the teacher went around checking our work, Stan would quickly cover his notes as she walked pass. He would not try or volunteer for anything. Even though he had a great talent for singing, he never participated in the school's talent contest. Basically, Stan had such a poor opinion of himself, that he was afraid of drawing attention to himself by asking questions or competing in a talent quest. He was afraid of making mistakes and being embarrassed. Because of this, Stan never took any action and never realized any of his potential. Sure enough, today Stan is in a low-pay job, feeling as miserable as ever. Don't end up like Stan.
Must I Love
Myself?
64
People Who Hate Themselves Aren't Too Nice To Be Around People who don't like themselves don't just treat themselves badly. They treat other people badly as well. They can sometimes be really irritating. There is one of three things that teens with low self-esteem do: a) criticize and bully others, b) criticize themselves, or c) show off. a) Criticize others Teens who don't like themselves like to constantly criticize, insult and put other people down. They like to make fun of other people and call them names. They figure that if they cannot feel good about themselves, then they will make other people feel miserable too. This way, they can feel better about themselves. If you have ever watched the show 'Southpark', you will recall a kid called Eric Cartman, who was exactly like that. One of my friends, Mark, used to call people names such as 'fat ass,' 'bird brain,' 'retarded toad,' and 'fart face.' Whenever someone made a mistake, he would announce it to the whole class. Everyone disliked him. Why did he do that? Well, I found out later that Mark felt inferior because he had a single parent, and he was also self-conscious about his height (he was short). So, his strategy of making himself feel better was to make others feel bad. So, the next time you meet people like that, don't be angry with them. Instead, feel sorry for them! b) Criticize Themselves Have you ever met people who keep taking negatively about themselves? They may say things such as, 'Nobody likes me. I'm 65
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
not as smart as you are. You are more beautiful/ handsome than I am. I am sure to fail!' They say these things hoping that you will say, “No! You are smart! You can succeed.” They do this to get reassurance from others. After a while, they can get pretty annoying, can't they? c) Showing Off At first, people who show off and brag about how great they are may seem to have a lot of self-confidence. However, deep inside they don’t like themselves and feel inadequate. So, they need to show off their games, mobile phones, money and branded clothes to make themselves feel good. Teens who genuinely love themselves never need to show off. They just do their best, feel proud of themselves, and know that their greatness and goodness will shine through.
If You Don’t Like Yourself, No One Will Respect You Do you want other people to respect you, to admire you and to like you? I’m sure you do. Everyone does. Here’s a tip: respect, admire and like yourself first. When you respect yourself, others will respect you. We teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. David was a teen in my school who dressed like a slob. He didn’t comb his hair, his shirt was always untidily hanging out, and there were stains all over his clothes. Every time he spoke, he peppered his words with lots of vulgarities. He didn’t care about doing his work, and slouched into class late most of the time. It was obvious that David did not care about his appearance and did not respect himself. So, what happened? Well, nobody respected him Must I Love
Myself?
66
either. Our classmates pushed him around, called him names and looked down on him. Even some teachers constantly found fault with everything he did. David kept blaming the world for being mean to him, although it was him who did not first respect himself.
WARNING: HATING YOURSELF CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH! People who hate themselves often abuse themselves physically. They may slash themselves, take drugs, binge drink alcohol, and may eventually kill themselves, accidentally or deliberately.
Let’s recap what happens to teens who have low self-esteem, as compared to teens who have high self-esteem. Teens Who Don’t Like Themselves Teens Who Like Themselves Set low standards Set high standards for themselves Dare to participate and make mistakes Keep to themselves and fear to ‘try’ anything Criticize and put others down Encourage others Abuse themselves Take care of themselves Criticize themselves or show off Do their best and are proud of themselves Put people off and lose the respect Attract others who respect of others and like them
How Can I Love Myself? I Have So Many Faults! Many teens come up to me and say: “I wish I could love myself, but how can I? I have so many faults and flaws. I'm too fat. I am not smart enough. I procrastinate. I have pimples. I'm too short. My teeth are crooked. My dad says I'm too lazy. My friends call me a nerd. I keep making my mum angry. I never seem to do anything well enough. I am always being compared to my brothers and sisters, who seem to be better/smarter than I am.” Again, if you feel that you have a lot more faults than 67
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
strengths, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I felt exactly the same way, and so do most teens. I used to think that only really rich, smart, good-looking, talented and faultless guys and girls loved themselves. You know what? It's not true!
People Love Themselves When They Accept Who They Are and Focus On Their Strengths People who like themselves are NOT necessarily the ones who are born lucky, with many more obvious or apparent strengths than weaknesses. In fact, some of the most famous and successful people had more weaknesses than strengths when they were young. However, they learned to love themselves because they chose to ACCEPT who they were, and FOCUS on their STRENGTHS!
Do You Know…The Happiest & Most Successful People Have More Shortcomings Than You? Let me share with you the story of a little girl named Gail. In the 1950s, Gail was born to unwed black teenage parents, and was raised by her grandmother. Her future seemed totally bleak. She was poor. She was black (black girls were not encouraged to go to school back then) and she was an illegitimate child. To make things worse, she was raped by a cousin at age nine, and molested by an uncle. Depressed and angry, she got into trouble with the law, and gained lots of weight. If you were Gail, would you find it easy to love who you were? Nobody would blame her if she hated herself and wanted to be somebody better. Fortunately, Gail learned to accept herself and started to focus on her strengths: she was good at reading, she loved to talk, she cared for other people, and she was ambitious! By loving herself, Gail gained the confidence to set high goals and to take action. She aimed to be rich and famous and began to work hard for herself. Today, Oprah Gail Winfrey has a prime-
Must I Love
Myself?
68
time world-famous talk show called The Oprah Winfrey Show, and she is one of the richest (worth US$2.7 billion), most famous and successful women in the world. So, no matter what weaknesses you may have, you CAN overcome them by first loving yourself. Accept who you are and focus on your strengths.
Some Are Born With Everything, Yet End Up With Nothing! Never envy people who may seem to be luckier than you. Do you think that teens who have rich daddies, good looks, great bodies and talent definitely love themselves? Not at all! There are many people I know who appear to be so lucky, endowed with so many great traits, but they don't like themselves at all. One of these girls, Yvonne, was very good looking and had an amazing body. You could also tell that she was really intelligent, as she could learn really fast if she put in the effort. Unfortunately, she did not like herself. Even though she looked super cool and confident on the outside, she felt inadequate on the inside. She kept focusing on every little flaw she had. Secretly, she thought she was not popular enough, not pretty enough, and not tall enough. Her low self-esteem caused her to be influenced by bad company and she started smoking and using vulgarities. She slacked in school and showed an attitude to people who were around her. Although she was good looking, not many people liked her.
What Do Britney Spears, and Lindsay Lohan Have in Common? Do you know what Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Amy Winehouse and George Michael have in common? They are all super stars, rich, famous, good looking, and yet they don't like themselves. In their insecurities, they turned to alcohol and drugs and ruined their lives and careers. How can this be? How can they have such great strengths, and yet hate themselves? How can Nick and Oprah, who were born with huge disadvantages, learn to love themselves and rise above and well beyond their early circumstances? 69
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
So, you see, it is you and not your circumstances that determines your self-esteem. You can choose to hate yourself, or love yourself. No matter how many strengths you have, you can always find faults to focus on, if you choose to do so. At the same time, no matter how many flaws you have, you can always find strengths to focus on and feel good about yourself. So, why not choose the latter?
Five Ways to Boost Your Self Esteem Here are five things you can do to feel good about yourself: 1) Accept Who You Are Before you can love yourself, you have to first accept who you are. Accept your race. Accept your body and the way you look. Accept your unique character. Accept your family background and accept your strengths, as well as your weaknesses. Don't wish you were perfect. Nobody is perfect. Aim instead for excellence, which is doing the very best with what God has given you. If you have made mistakes in the past, know that we all make mistakes. Instead of hating yourself for that, forgive yourself and learn from those mistakes to become better today. Did you know that out of the billions of snowflakes that fall on earth, no two are ever identical? Similarly, out of the billions of people born, nobody will ever be exactly the way you are (not even twins are exactly alike). You are specially designed by God with a unique set of interests, strengths and weaknesses to be successful in your very own way. I believe that our creator does not make mistakes. If God gave you certain strengths, it is because he wants you to make full use of them to help yourself and others. If he gave you a certain weakness, it is because he wants you to challenge yourself to become a stronger person. He wants you to learn how to turn those weaknesses into strengths. Must I Love
Myself?
70
By learning to overcome her family abuse, Oprah learned to become a stronger and more compassionate person. By overcoming his lack of limbs, Nick turned his disability into a way of inspiring other people. So, don't hate your weaknesses, turn them into strengths! 2) Accept Compliments and Give Compliments Whenever someone pays you a sincere compliment such as, 'good job!', or 'you are good at drawing', accept it by saying, 'thank you.' People who reject compliments by saying, 'I was just lucky', 'no lah', or 'it was no big deal' will never love themselves. 3) Focus on Your Strengths Remember that the more you focus on your strengths, the better you will get. One of the things you can do is to praise yourself and acknowledge your strengths by writing them down in a success journal. Here is what you can do: get a blank notebook and make it your 'Success Journal'. Write down all the strengths you have and all the achievements you have accomplished in your life (no matter how small). Every time anyone says something nice about you, record it down. Trust me, once you have done this, you will feel great. Then, once a year, fill out this success journal with all the things you have accomplished in the past year. Let me give you an example of what your Success Journal may look
71
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
s Journal
Davey’s Succes
swim Learned how to t obedient in class os m r Got award fo petition m co competition Won a baby school singing in nd co se in e Age 6-9 Cam at making friends Good ical fitness test Passed my phys a great friend am Stan said that I itor s ointed clas mon ork Age 10-11 App d my brother with his homew Helpe lish in class for Eng utes Got top marks in m 8 meters in Able to swim 50 at I have lots of potential th My teacher said
Age 1-5
Every time you feel down, you can cheer yourself up by reading that success journal. It really makes a difference! So what are you waiting for? Grab a notepad right now and start filling out your success journal. In fact, do it RIGHT NOW, before reading on. 4) Be Honest With Yourself Have you done your Success Journal yet? If you haven't, STOP READING and go do it now. If you have, read on. Think about this. If you had a friend who kept breaking his/her promise to you, how would you feel? I am sure that after a while, you would not trust that friend anymore. You would not believe him/her and may even hate that person. What if your friend kept lying to you? Again, you would never trust that friend again, right? Well, the same thing applies when it comes to the way you treat YOURSELF. When you make promises to yourself and break them, you will start to lose the trust and belief you have in yourself. So, stop breaking promises to yourself. Stop telling yourself you will cease gaming so much, and then go on to break that promise. Stop saying you will study, and at the last minute break your promise to yourself.
Must I Love
Myself?
72
To love yourself, start being honest and keeping your promises. Make new promises to yourself and keep them, no matter what! Start doing this now, and I promise you that your belief in yourself will grow. Write down at least three new promises to yourself that you will keep. (Tip: you could promise yourself to finish reading this book and act on all the tips and strategies given in these pages). I Promise That I Will… 1)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
2)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
3)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
4)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
5)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
5) Be Grateful For What You Have Finally, love yourself by being grateful for what you have and who you are. Many teens are never happy with themselves because they always think that there is someone luckier than they are. What they do not realize is that for every person luckier than they are, there are more than 100 who are less fortunate. Let’s see how lucky you really are... Imagine that 24 hours before you were born, God gave you a bowl of 100 tickets. You had to draw one ticket that would determine your sex, country of birth, wealth, intelligence etc... What would have been your chance of ending up where you are now?
73
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Let’s look at the odds. If you were to take the entire earth’s population and shrink it to 100 people (represented by 100 tickets), with all existing human ratios the same, the situation would be the following:
• • • • • • • • •
49 would be female, 51 would be male. 80 would live in substandard housing, 20 in acceptable housing. 67 would be unable to read, 33 would be literate. 1 would have a university education, 99 would not be able to attend university. 50 would not have enough to eat, and 1 would be dying of starvation. 33 would be without access to safe water supply. Only 16 out of 100 would have access to Internet. 17 would live in a developed country; 83 would live in underdeveloped/developing countries Only 12 would have extra money in the bank.
So, if you were given the chance to turn back time and go back to 24 hours before you were born, would you choose to return your current ticket and re-draw a new ticket from the 100? If not, count your blessings and be grateful for what you have. When you do so, you will love yourself and your life.
Must I Love
Myself?
74
CHAPTER
FIVE
SCHOOL… IS IT REALLY IMPORTANT?
CHAPTER
FIVE
School… Is It Really Important?
If you are a teenager, then school probably makes up a big part of your life. Most students spend most of their days in school, up to eight hours a day, or even more if they are involved in various extra-activities. Also, we spend about one-third of our life in school before going out into the working world. Now that your parents and teachers are not around, it’s just you and me, tell me honestly: is school really important? Whenever I pose this question to students in my courses, some will say 'Yes', and some will say 'No'.
Is School Really Important…It All Depends! So, is doing well in school important? Well, I believe it all DEPENDS. It depends on what you want to do in the future. Many teens feel that studying is a waste of time because they have got no idea why and what they are studying for. They go to school because they feel they have no choice, and study because they want to avoid being nagged at by their parents. If you do not know why you are studying, and have got no clue as to what you want to do with your future, then studying will definitely seem pretty useless and boring. So, what kind of life do you want to have in the future? Some people choose to have a very boring and mediocre life. They may be content being just a road sweeper/garbage collector, 77
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
toilet attendant, driver, or office boy. They have no desire to live in a grand house, or even own a swank car. They don't really care about being materially successful, or heading up a corporation. Well, if this is how you want to live in the future, then school is definitely not very important at all. It does not matter if you get good grades or you fail. You can go grab a broom and start being a sweeper right away! You are already fully qualified to be a waiter.
If You Want to Become Someone Important, Then School Becomes Important On the other hand, you may desire to become someone important in your community, or even on the global stage. You may want to live a life where you make a big impact as a businessperson, boss of a big company, doctor, scientist, airline pilot, lawyer, minister, or professional athlete. You may want to earn enough money to enjoy the good life, live in a beautiful house, and vacation all over the world. Well, if you choose this kind of life, then school and studying become REALLY IMPORTANT. Why? The reason is that you cannot have this kind of success in society without gaining the kind of knowledge that only school can give you. Can you imagine becoming a doctor without knowing much about Biology, Math or Chemistry? You would not be know what medicine to give your patient, or how to perform an operation. The patient would probably die under your care. Or imagine being the pilot of a jumbo jet. If you had little knowledge of Physics and Mathematics, you would not be able to calculate important variables such as speed and altitude. You would not be able to read and operate the controls. Also you had better know your geography - so you can navigate - and have good communication skills - preferably in more than one language - so you can talk to airport controllers wherever you are flying. School… portant? Is It Really Im
78
Why Must I Learn Stuff I Am Never Going to Use? Most people agree that they have to acquire knowledge in order to perform a certain specialized job, requiring special skills. For example, if you are going to be a pilot, then you must first learn how to fly a plane. But why do we have to learn stuff in school that we are never going to use? Most teens wonder, 'If I want to be a businessman, then why do I need to learn Chemistry? If I want to be a professional soccer player, why on earth must I study Math?' When I was a teenager, I could never figure out the answer to this question. I wanted to become a millionaire businessman, so I thought that many subjects were useless. As a result, I had no interest in studying History, Literature, Chinese and Biology. Do you feel the same way?
Surprise! All These Subjects Actually Help You Now that I have graduated and have gone on to work, I can tell you that, surprisingly, all those 'useless' subjects are actually really important in whatever you do. BUT not in the way you think they could be important. First, let me shock you by saying that you are never going to use 90% of the INFORMATION you are learning in school today. In fact, you are probably going to forget 90% of what you learn anyway. If you ask your mum or dad, I bet they can't remember all those Math formulas, historical events, or weird Chemistry equations. And yet, they can be successful in their careers. When you study a subject, it is not necessarily the CONTENT that is the most important. What is most important is the way your brain trains to think in the PROCESS of studying the subject. In other words, it sharpens your mind and makes you think faster and comprehend better. For example, when you study Physics, theories, calculations and formulas such as 'Work Done = Force x Distance', 'E = MC2', 'Newton's Laws of Motion', 'calculate acceleration due to gravity…' may be important for the exam, but you will not really need all this content in the future. However, by studying physics, you train your brain to: • Think logically • Solve problems • Remember better 79
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
• •
Understand and analyze complicated facts Select and organize information, and so on…
At the same time, preparing and taking exams trains you to: • Manage your time well • Handle stress • Perform under pressure • Have a competitive spirit • Concentrate and focus All these thinking skills are really important to succeed in ANY kind of job in the future. Although I thought taking algebra was a super waste of my time in school, I realized as an adult that solving equations and problem sums has trained my brain to be super smart in building businesses and making money.
How Does Literature Help You Succeed? So, think about it. How does studying Literature train your thinking? Again, when you start working in the future you will never have to remember what Romeo and Juliet did. However, Literature trains your brain in: • Creative thinking • Learning about human emotions and how people behave • Observing and understanding human interaction • Reading people's minds • Organizing information to support an argument Again, all these thinking skills are essential for you to be successful as an actor, teacher, lawyer, manager, businessperson, psychologist, surgeon, politician, advertiser, journalist, army commander, or any kind of leader. In short, you need these thinking skills in every profession.
Why Does a Professional Athlete, Singer or Actor Need to Go to School? So, if you want to be a professional soccer player or actor, do you need to do well in school? Well, if you want to be just an average athlete and lounge singer, then performing well in school is probably not that important. However, if School… portant? Is It Really Im
80
you want to be at the top, then a good education will give you a huge advantage over all the rest. This is why many of the top athletes in the world come from top universities. Tiger Woods (world's #1 golfer) studied in Stanford University. Michael Phelps (world's #1 swimmer) graduated from the University of Michigan, and Michael Jordan (world's #1 basketball player) went to the University of North Carolina. These top performers knew that while physical ability was important in sports, it was their brains that would beat all the other dumb ass competitors. Smart sportspeople also know that by age 30-35, many will have to retire. If they do not have enough education, they will not know how to manage their money wisely and continue to be successful after their sports career is over. Those with a poor education usually end up getting cheated or making bad decisions. No matter how much money they make, they usually lose it all when they retire. An example is Singapore soccer legend Fandi Ahmad. Fandi became Singapore's first millionaire sportsman after achieving success as a striker in the Asian and European soccer clubs. Sadly, because he lacked the proper business skills, he lost most of his fortune through failed businesses and poor money skills. He ended up in debt. Here are examples of celebrities who made millions of dollars in sports and entertainment, but ended up going broke! • • • • • • • •
Michael Jackson (King of Pop) Mike Tyson (Boxing Champion) Evander Holyfield (Boxing Champion) Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (Basketball Great) Scottie Pippen (Basketball Great) R&B Group TLC (Entertainer) Britney Spears (Entertainer) Lindsay Lohan (Entertainer) etc…
So even if you want to achieve success in sports or entertainment, doing well in school may well be the smart thing to do!
81
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Exams Are a Game! Life is a Competition. Are You Playing to Win? If you are like most people, you probably do not like sitting for examinations. You probably think they are stressful and boring. On the other hand, do you enjoy playing games? Chances are, you probably do. Most of us love to play games. We like the challenge and excitement of competing with others. Most of all, we all like to WIN! You also know that in order to win any game, you have to give your all: i.e.100% effort, and really play to win! If you do not play to win, you will never come out victorious. What if I told you examinations were one big game, and life was one big competition? Many teens never realize this, so they never play to win. Instead, they play NOT TO LOSE. As a result, they may win at sports and computer games, but end up big losers in the 'game' of exams and life.
The Game of Exams - Know Your 'Enemy' If exams are a game, then who are your competitors? Are they your teachers? The exam paper? In actual fact, you are competing with students from all the other schools, to see who gets the best grades. Your teachers are the coaches who are there to train you to win this game. The exam paper is the 'ball' that you are playing with. The people who mark your exam papers are the 'referees' and 'scorers'. The Ministry of Education is the organizer of the game, just like FIFA is the organizer of the FA Cup.
Competition Separates the Leaders from the Workers The game of examinations is played to see who gets into the top schools and universities (the winners), and who doesn't get in. So, why must there be this competition? Why can't everybody go to university and get the highest education? School… portant? Is It Really Im
82
The reason is that in this Society, we cannot have too many leaders around. If everyone went to university and became a leader, then who would do all the lower skilled jobs? Who would become waiters, drivers, factory workers, office boys or cleaners? … It sounds really BAD, but this is a fact of life in society. Therefore, society has been designed in such a way that only a few (less than 20%) of all the students can get into top schools and universities. To be one of the 20%, you have to fight hard to WIN this competition.
The Competition Never Ends When you finish school and start working in a company, is the competition over? Nope! In fact, you are now in a bigger competitive 'pool'; it is called the CORPORATE GAME. Let me explain how this whole game works. A company is made up like a pyramid with many different levels. As you can Chief see, there are many people at Executive the bottom, and only a few Earn $10,000 to at the top. Millions/month
Directors Earn $6,000-$100,000/month
Managers Earn $3,000-$6,000/month
Executives Earn $2,000-$3,000/month
Blue collar Workers Earn $800-$1,200/month
83
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
At the lowest level, you have the BLUE COLLAR WORKERS. Blue-collar workers hold jobs such as waiters, cleaners, factory workers, technicians, construction workers, security guards, office boys, delivery people etc… Working in Singapore, they would get paid between $800-$1,200 a month. In fact, your school IS a company. Think of the blue-collar workers in your school. The next level is made up of the EXECUTIVES. To be an executive you would need to have at least a diploma (from a polytechnic) or a degree from university. In Singapore, executives get paid about $2,000 - $3,000 a month. In your school, your 'Teachers' are the executives. The next level is made up of MANAGERS. Managers are the bosses of the executives and the blue-collar workers. There are all kinds of managers in the corporate world: restaurant managers, marketing managers, bank managers etc… In a school, the managers are the HODs (Head of Departments). Managers get paid about $3,000- $6,000 a month. Those who work really hard and stand out get to the next level - they are called DIRECTORS. Again, there are many kinds of directors in different types of companies. In the Army, directors are called 'Colonels' and 'Generals'. In your school, the directors are the 'Principal', 'Vice-Principal' and the directors at the Ministry of Education. Directors get paid between $6,000 to $100,000 a month (in large companies). Finally at the very top, is the BIG BOSS. He or she is usually called the President, Chief Executive Officer (CEO) or Managing Director. In your school, the big boss is the Minister of Education. Big bosses can get paid millions of dollars a year.
What Kind of Life Do You Want? So, where do you want to end up? Do you want to end up as a blue-collar worker, a manager, or a director? Do you want to be earning $800 a month, or $100,000 a month? There is NO right or wrong answer. It DEPENDS on the kind of lifestyle you want. School… portant? Is It Really Im
84
Obviously, if you want to have a very comfortable life, live in a big house and have the freedom to buy whatever you desire, take good care of your family's material wants, gain the respect of many people and donate generously to charity, then you need to have a top job that will pay you a high income. On the other hand, if you don't mind living in a small flat, taking the bus to work and living a simple life, then there is nothing wrong with ending up in a low level job. However, bear in mind that a low income means that you will have far fewer choices in your life. You may not have the freedom to do many things that you like, and your life may be controlled by your bosses. Whichever kind of future you want, you have to DECIDE RIGHT NOW! How well you do in your studies today will affect where you will end up in the future. If you don’t do it now, by the time you do decide what you want for your future, it will be too late, and you won’t be able to turn back.
How Do I Climb to the Top? Many of my students tell me that they want to climb all the way to the top, and they ask me what it takes. Getting to the top of the company's pyramid game is much like climbing the different levels of a computer game. To get to the next level, you have to play the game and beat all your opponents. For example, in a company where there are 100 executives, all of them will want to get promoted to become managers. However, there are only 20 manager positions available. So, the 100 executives will have to compete against each other to see who can work the smartest and the hardest. The winners will get promoted to the next level. 85
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Then all the 20 managers will compete and 'fight' to become directors. This time, the competition is even tougher as, out of the 20 managers, there are only 5 director positions. This competition goes on until they reach the top of the corporate ladder. In any computer game you play, your character will have weapons to help him win right? Similarly, in the game of life, the 'WEAPONS' that will help you climb to the top are represented by the EDUCATION you have.
Primary School
Secondary School
Junior College/ Polytechnic
University
To give you a metaphor, having a Primary School Certificate (PSLE) is like having a PLASTIC KNIFE. An 'O' Level Certificate would be the equivalent of having an AXE. An 'A' Level Certificate or a Diploma would be like having a PISTOL. Getting a university degree would be like having a MACHINE GUN, and getting a Masters Degree or beyond would be like having a BAZOOKA. So, just like in a computer game such as 'Counterstrike' or 'World of Warcraft', the more weapons you accumulate, the better chance you have of winning the game.
Freedom…How to Get What Everybody Wants So, what is the point of getting good grades, getting a good job and earning enough money? All these give us something that we all really want…FREEDOM! Isn't freedom what you ultimately want? Freedom means that you have the choice to do anything you want. Freedom means that you can do anything and have anything that you desire, and no one will School… portant? Is It Really Im
86
restrict you (of course this does not include anything illegal, say robbing a bank). As a student, the one thing that will give you lots of freedom is GOOD GRADES. Think about it! If you score straights 'A's for your exams, you can choose to go to any school, any university, and any course.
You can choose to do anything you want in the future. You could become a doctor, a businessperson, or a professional sportsperson. At the same time, when you get good grades, I bet you that your parents will get off your back. They will stop nagging and give you a lot more freedom. However, if you get lousy grades, your parents will tend to get more paranoid, and restrict you a lot more. They may stop you from gaming or going out with your friends. With lousy grades, you will have much fewer choices. You may not be able to get into the school or course of your choice. You may end up getting into courses most others do not want, and getting jobs that nobody else wants. That really sucks, doesn't it? So aim to get good grades and give yourself the freedom to go where you want, do what you want…and follow your heart! As a student, good grades give you lots of freedom, right? Well, once you start working, the thing that will give you freedom is MONEY. 87
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Yup! When you have enough money, you have the freedom to work when you feel like it, and do what you enjoy. You have the freedom to buy what you desire (at least material stuff). You have the freedom to give your family the best that money can buy. Most importantly, you have the power to help the less fortunate and make the world a better place - as Bill Gates of Microsoft did. So, have you decided on the kind of life you want to have in the future? If your goal is to live a comfortable life, with the freedom to do what you want, then you probably realize that you need to do well in school to build your weapons for the competition ahead. If you have not been doing too well in your studies, don't worry! Remember, I was once a super lousy student. In chapter 10, you are going to learn the Secrets of Scoring 'A's, even though you think that you are too smart enough as I used to think.
School… portant? Is It Really Im
88
CHAPTER
SIX
MASTERING YOUR MIND FOR SUCCESS
CHAPTER
SIX
Mastering Your Mind for Success
You are now going to learn how to control your mind, the most powerful resource you have, to achieve the things you want. The potential of your mind is virtually unlimited, and your brain is more powerful than the most sophisticated super computers in the world. When you can master your mind, you can motivate yourself anytime you want. You can turn fear into confidence. You can throw away sad feelings and feel great about yourself. Your mind can do all these things for you! Isn't that awesome? The problem is that most people have got no idea how to control their powerful mind. They let their mind control them! They want to change and be more successful, but they keep having negative thoughts and lousy feelings.
The Power of Your Emotions Has there been a time when you wanted to study for a test, but felt too lazy to start? Or a time when you wanted to get started on an assignment, but kept procrastinating? Have you also felt so depressed about something that you couldn't get yourself to do anything? Have you prepared well for an exam or a sports competition, but did not perform at your best because you were too nervous? Often in life, what stops us from taking action or doing 91
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
our best is the lousy emotions we feel. Negative emotions such as laziness, depression, fear, anxiety, procrastination, stress, anger and frustration. On the other hand, has there been a time when you were able to take action and perform really well? What gave you this power was the powerful emotions you were feeling at that time. Powerful emotions such as motivation, confidence, focus and calm. When you feel strong positive emotions such as joy and happiness, doesn't that make you feel great? You feel different emotions all the time. Powerful emotions bring out the best in you and lousy emotions stop you from realizing your real potential.
Powerful Emotions
Lousy Emotions
CONFIDENCE MOTIVATION FOCUS HAPPINESS ENERGY LOVE EXCITEMENT
LAZINESS LETHARGY FEAR DEPRESSION STRESS ANGER PROCRASTINATION
Emotions Affect your
Actions (Behaviour) Affect your
Results
ur Mastering Yoess Mind for Succ
92
Self-Reflection Time Before moving on, I would like you to find out something really important about yourself. I would like you to think about the six most common emotions that you experience almost everyday. Think about this... • What’s the first feeling you get when you wake up? Lethargy? Excitement? • What emotions do you feel when studying? Motivated? Stressed? Bored? • How do you feel when you face a big challenge? Confident? Fearful? • When things don’t go well, how do you feel? Hopeless? Motivated to work harder? Now, go ahead and write down six of these emotions. 1) ______________________________________________ F 2) ______________________________________________ F 3) ______________________________________________ F 4) ______________________________________________ F 5) ______________________________________________ F 6) ______________________________________________ F Are they powerful emotions that drive you to take action, or are they emotions that make you feel bad and stop you from taking action? If it’s a powerful emotion, put a tick next to it. If it’s a lousy emotion, put a cross next to it. So, what did you find out about yourself? Do you have more ticks or crosses? I have found that most people feel lousy a lot more than they feel good. This is why the majority of people never become successful. Successful teens keep feeling motivated, confident and focused on what they do. It is these emotions that push them to keep doing their best, until they succeed.
You Create Your Emotions If you are the kind of person who keeps feeling lazy, can you actually become very motivated? Can you turn yourself from a shy person into someone super confident? The good news is YOU CAN! 93
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Let me tell you a big secret… YOU create your emotions! Believe it or not, when you feel lazy, you are actually creating that lousy emotion within yourself. When you feel motivated, you are also creating that feeling inside of you. Since you are creating your emotions, you have the Power to change your emotions INSTANTLY, if you know how!
Your Thoughts Create Your Emotions You create your emotions through the thoughts you have! Let's say that you failed a History exam and your friends laughed at you. Would you feel demoralized, or more motivated to work harder next time? It depends on what you think about. If you think to yourself, 'I keep failing! I am dumb! I will never pass History', and you also start thinking of all the times you failed, you will start feeling depressed. You will feel so demoralized, that you will no longer be in the mood to continue studying History. However, if you think, ‘I KNOW I can get an 'A' if I study hard enough!' then you start thinking of how great it will be to score an 'A' in the next test. You will prove everyone wrong. With such thoughts you will feel excited and motivated to study hard for the next test. So you can see that it was not the 'Failed History Exam' or 'People Laughing at You' that made you feel good or bad. It was how you thought about the experience!
ur Mastering Yoess Mind for Succ
94
No One Can Make You Feel Good Or Bad Except Yourself I remember a time when I was about to give a speech in front of 100 students during a project presentation in school. The moment I saw the stage and the crowd, my heart started beating like a bullet train, and I had butterflies in my stomach. At first, I thought that the crowd was making me scared. Then, another kid went up to speak first. He was super cool and calm. He spoke confidently as if there were only one person in the audience. Instead of feeling fearful, the way I did, he was having lots of fun. 'How does he do that?', I thought to myself. ' How come the audience is not making him feel scared?' Emotions are Not 'Diseases' that We Catch from Our Environment. We Create Them Ourselves The truth is that the crowd was not making me feel scared. I was making myself scared by the thoughts running riot in my mind. I kept thinking that I would embarrass myself. I kept imagining that everyone would think I was a poor speaker, and laugh at me. I discovered that my friend Jason had learned the secret of how to control his thoughts and his emotions. He knew how to make himself feel confident and calm, even with 100 pairs of eyeballs looking at him. Ever since I learned this secret of how to control my thoughts, I have been able to speak to audiences of up to 5,000 people and feel totally confident and relaxed. Let me teach you this secret right now…
The Secret of Controlling Your Thoughts Can you make yourself feel confident right now? Can you make yourself feel lousy now? Sure you can! All you have to do is to change your thoughts. This may sound like a weird question, but have you ever wondered HOW 95
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
you think? If you know HOW you think, you can control your thoughts, can't you? In a moment, close your eyes and think of something that makes you feel really lousy. For example, you could think of a past failure, a time when you got into an argument, or maybe something you hate doing. Please close your eyes and do this now before reading on. Did you start to feel those lousy feelings as you started to think about such an experience? I bet you did. Now, what happened in your mind? If you are like most people, you have probably made PICTURES in your head. Well, as simple as it seems, that's the first way we all think, i.e. by imagining and recalling pictures. The pictures (or movies) you keep playing in your mind create your emotions.
What You See is What You Get When you focus on playing lousy pictures in your mind, you feel lousy. When you focus on playing positive pictures in our mind, you feel great. Many times you feel depressed because you keep thinking of all the bad stuff that is happening to you. You keep playing all those ugly pictures in your head… of how bad things are, or how bad they will get. Later, I am going to show you a cool way of how to scramble away all those lousy pictures, and turn lousy feelings into great ones. Have you ever felt lazy and disinclined to start doing something, say studying for your coming test? You feel lazy because you imagine how difficult, overwhelming and painful it is going to be. Again, by playing all these negative pictures in your mind, you don't feel like getting started.
ur Mastering Yoess Mind for Succ
96
To create any emotion you want, you must focus on certain pictures to play. You must push the 'right' buttons to activate the emotions you want. For example, if you want to feel 'Motivated' to do something, imagine how fun it's going to be, or see yourself getting the great results and benefits. When I was studying for my 'O' level examinations, there were times when I just didn't feel like opening my books. To motivate myself, I would see myself achieving all the goals I wanted. I made pictures in my mind of how proud I would be holding the straight-'A's results, and how amazed my friends would be. So, what you see (in your mind) is what you will get. Losers see lousy pictures in their mind's 'eye', while winners see themselves winning.
What You Say is What You Get Besides playing pictures in our mind, we also think by talking to ourselves. From the time you wake up in the morning to the time you go to sleep at night, you talk to yourself in your head an average of 60,000 times a day! What you say to yourself affects how you feel. What do you find that you say to yourself from the moment you wake up? Take a couple of minutes to do this short exercise in order to reflect on the way you usually talk to yourself. What do you usually say to yourself… a) When you wake up in the morning? _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________
b) Before you start studying, going to class, or doing your homework? _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________
97
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
c) When you encounter a problem/challenge? _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________
d) When you don't get the results you want? (Example: get a lousy score on a test, get an answer wrong, or lose a game or competition) _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________
Write down your answers in the space above. Imagine yourself in those situations and you will start to be aware of your inner voice.
Teens who experience lousy emotions such as lethargy, frustration and hopelessness, say things such as: a) When they wake up in the morning “Let me sleep for ten more minutes” b) Before they start anything “Why must I get up so early?” “ This subject sucks! I hate doing this” “ This is going to be boring” “ Must I do this now? I'll do it later” c) When they encounter problems “ It's too difficult! I can never do this!” “Why does this always happen to me?” “ Why must I have so many problems?' d) When they don't get the results they want “Why am I so unlucky?” “Why do I keep failing?” “Sh*t!!!” “What's wrong with me?”
ur Mastering Yoess Mind for Succ
98
Saying these things to yourself focuses your thoughts on the negative, and creates lousy emotions. If you want to change how you feel, then change the way you talk to yourself! Successful teens also have challenges and failures. Yet, they are able to get themselves to feel motivated and confident by talking differently to themselves. Here's what they say to themselves… a) When they wake up in the morning “This is gonna be a great day! ” “ I can't wait to achieve my goals today” b) Before they start anything “Let's do this now” “ I'm gonna do my best” c) When they encounter problems “I know I can overcome this” “How can I find a solution?” d) When they don't get the results they want “ What can I learn from this?” “ How can I do better next time?”
These powerful words focus your thoughts on the solution and on your goals. They give you the motivation and confidence to do your best.
99
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Powerful Words and Lousy Words Did you know that certain words you use give you more power, and certain words take your power away? LOUSY WORDS
POWERFUL WORDS
I will TRY my best
I will DO my best
I HATE Exams
I LOVE Exams
I have a PROBLEM
I met a CHALLENGE
I CANNOT do it
I CAN do it
I am a LOUSY student
I am a GREAT student
Your brain is just like a computer. You can program a computer to crash, or to operate even faster. The same thing goes for your brain. You are constantly programming your mind by the words you say. If you keep saying, 'I'm not good, I'm not good, I'm not good…”, your brain will accept these commands and destroy all your confidence. If you keep saying, 'I CANNOT do this', your brain will shut down and stop looking for a solution. When you say I CAN do this, your brain will work hard to find a way to do it. Another word that destroys your power is the word 'TRY'. When you say, 'I will TRY to pass my exams’, or ‘I will TRY to finish my homework', you will probably not do a very good job. 'TRY' tells your brain that it may fail, and that you will put in only 50% of your effort. Winners never use the word 'TRY'. Winners program themselves with the words 'I WILL DO my very best'.
So, let's summarize what you have learned…. You can change your emotions by controlling your thoughts. If you want to feel powerful emotions, such as confidence, passion and motivation, think positive thoughts! You can control your thoughts by playing positive PICTURES in your mind and saying positive WORDS to yourself!
ur Mastering Yoess Mind for Succ
100
Pictures Thoughts
Words Create your
Emotions
Affect your
Affect your
Actions (Behaviour)
Results
Destroying Those Bad Feelings Have you ever felt stressed or depressed over something and couldn't do anything because of it? Maybe it was a past failure, or an argument you had with someone, or a really painful experience. Do you find yourself re-playing that painful memory in your mind and constantly feeling bad about it? I remember that when I was 17, I went through a breakup with my girlfriend just before my exams. At first, I got so upset constantly thinking about her, that I didn't have the mood to study or do anything. The good news is that you can change bad feelings by changing the pictures and sounds you play in your mind. There are four steps to this Memory Scramble Technique. Step 1: Play the Lousy Memory Like a Movie The first step is to close your eyes and recall the bad experience you had by playing it like a movie in your mind. In my case, I watched the 'movie' of how I quarreled with my ex-girlfriend, and how we broke up. It sure hurt when I played those insults that came out of her mouth. Imagine pausing the movie when it reaches the end. 101
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Step 2: Play the Movie Backwards and Forwards Fast Step 2 is to play the movie in your mind backwards, and see everything happening in reverse. Even imagine hearing the words going back into the person's mouth. Imagine how funny it would sound. Then, play the movie fast forwards, at three times the normal speed. Imagine everything going super fast, even the words and sounds becoming like a chipmunk's squeaky voice. Repeat this process of playing the movie forwards and backwards about five times. Step 3: Change the Pictures, Making Them Ridiculous Now, here comes the fun part. As you play the movie, imagine distorting the pictures of the people you see, making the poor fellas look ridiculous. For example, I imagined my ex-girlfriend growing Mickey Mouse ears and growing a beak, like Donald Duck’s. I imagined her hopping around, flapping her wings, while she was mouthing those hurtful words. Then, I imagined that the words which came out of her mouth were accompanied by farting sounds, and she sounded just like the chipmunks. I even added some circus music in the background. Step 4: Test It Once you've done all those crazy things in your head, you have got to test if it has worked. Close your eyes and think about that bad experience again. Does it still create those lousy feelings? If you followed the steps, you would find that the bad memory doesn't make you feel so bad or so sad anymore. In fact, thinking about it may even make you start laughing!
ur Mastering Yoess Mind for Succ
102
Ever since I have learned the 'Memory Scramble', I have used it to get over past failures and past events that have made me angry, sad or fearful.
Change Your Body, Change Your Emotions The way you use and move your body also affects how you feel.
Sad
Confident
Nervous
Do you know that you can instantly change your emotions by changing five aspects of your body? I call these the five body buttons. Let’s see what they are:
2) Your Facial Expressions 3) Your Breathing
4) Your Voice 1) Your Posture (Head, Shoulder & Back position) 5) Your Movements
Confident
Can I ask you to do a few crazy experiments to see how fast you can change your emotions by simply changing your five body buttons?
103
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Experiment One: Getting Bored and Lethargic Can you remember a time when you felt really bored, lethargic (i.e. “Sian”), and unwilling to take action? I'm sure you can. Well, I want you to imagine feeling really bored and lethargic right now. Think about reading 60 pages from a History textbook! As you start to feel really bored and lethargic, start noticing that your body is also beginning to change • What's happening to your posture? • What's happening to your facial expression? • Notice how you are breathing. • How do you begin to talk when you feel bored? • How do you usually move? I bet that when you start feeling bored, you will start to slouch, and your head will start to go down. Your eyes will look down, and you may also start to frown. Your breathing will slow down and become shallower. Your voice will get lower and softer, and you will start to move slower, right? How come? Because for you to feel 'bored', you had to change your body in all those 5 ways! Did you know that if you did not change your posture, breathing, movement and facial expression, it would be impossible for you to feel bored? We create our emotions by the way we change our five body buttons. We do this so naturally, that we don't usually think about it. Experiment Two: Trying to Feel Motivated While Displaying a Bored Body Language Now, let's test out something that may seem a bit weird. I want you to keep your body the way it is when you feel totally bored. Slouch your shoulders and hang your head down. Breathe really slowly and shallowly. Look down and put on a 'bored' face. Move really slowly. Now, without changing anything in your body, I want you to try to feel motivated to do something. Think of something you usually really enjoy doing (e.g. playing computer games) and say, “let's do it” in a super boring ur Mastering Yoess Mind for Succ
104
sloooow tone of voice. Do you feel motivated to do it? I can bet that as long as your body was in a 'bored' state, it was impossible for you to feel enthusiastic about anything. The lesson here is that unless we change our 5 body buttons, we can't change how we feel. So, if you slouch on your chair, breathe slowly and talk in a super boring voice, there is no way you can feel motivated to take action. Experiment Three: Jumpstart Your Motivation This time, I want you to radically change the way you are using your body. Think of a time when you felt super motivated to do something (e.g. just before playing your favourite game, watching an exciting movie etc…) Now, shift your body exactly the way it was then! Breathe the way you did when you felt really motivated. Move with the same energy. Put the same expression of motivation on your face. Sit/stand in the same posture, and speak in the same voice, tone and volume. Do you realize how different your body becomes when you are feeling motivated? To feel motivated, your body had to do these things: 1) Your Posture - shoulders back, chest out, leaning forward with your head up 2) Your Facial Expression- face muscles tighten up and eyes are focused 3) Your Breathing- faster and deeper 4) Your Voice- faster, higher pitched and louder 5) Your Movements- much faster This is your body's code to get you into a motivated state. Unless you change your body in this way, you can never feel motivated. The lesson is that if you want to create any powerful emotion, you have to instantly change the way you use your body!
105
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
If you want to feel confident, stand the way you stand when you feel confident, i.e. with your head up high, chest out and shoulders back. Talk in a loud, assertive voice. Move your body in a confident way, and breathe deep and regular breaths. Purse your lips and focus your eyes! The funny thing is that by just acting AS IF you are confident, you will actually start to FEEL the confidence in yourself.
How to Motivate Yourself Instantly Imagine that your exam is around the corner and you just don't feel like studying. How can you apply what you've just learned to get MOTIVATED INSTANTLY? Step 1: Change Your Body! If you want to feel motivated, you've got to move your body in a way that creates those emotions. Even if it seems crazy, jump up, clench your fists and shout, 'Yes! Let's Do It!” Use the most excited voice possible. Take fast, deep breaths, and put an excited look on your face. As silly as it may sound, doing this will shake you out of your lazy mood and shift you into a 'take action now!' mode. Step 2: Focus on Thoughts that Inspire You! Next, imagine yourself achieving the goals that you want by taking action. Imagine yourself having lots of fun taking action, and reaping all the benefits you will get from your positive actions. When I was getting myself in the mood to study, I would visualize myself receiving straight 'A' grades. I would imagine how proud I would feel and how much my family and friends ur Mastering Yoess Mind for Succ
106
would admire me. I would then visualize myself studying in the National University of Singapore, and becoming a super successful role model and businessman (my ultimate goal). Step 3: Focus on Thoughts that Scare You! Have you noticed that we also get motivated to do something when we are afraid of the pain of NOT doing it? For example, you may be motivated to finish your homework before class starts because you fear being punished, scolded, or humiliated by the teacher. To get motivated, you also think of all the PAIN you will experience if you don't start taking action. Create those scary pictures in your mind, and make them stronger and stronger until they motivate you to start taking action. For example, the things I was most afraid of were: not getting a good degree, being laughed at by others, and becoming poor. I used all these fears to motivate myself. I would visualize what would happen if I continued to be lazy and not take action. I would imagine all those nasty pictures in my mind, making the scary feelings stronger and stronger, until I felt that I had to study immediately.
Take Charge of Your Emotions & Take Action! Now you have all the tools you need to take charge of your emotions and achieve the results you want. Keep practicing what you have learned. You will find that the more you 'play' with your thoughts and body, the more control you will have over them. Does this mean you will never feel lazy or lousy again? Of course not. At times, it is natural that you will still feel the negative emotions of fear, anger, laziness and depression. Only NOW, you have the choice and strategies to control and change those emotions into powerful ones that will drive you to success! 107
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
CHAPTER
SEVEN
THINK BIG AND MAKE IT HAPPEN!
CHAPTER
SEVEN
Think Big and Make it Happen!
What kind of life do you want to live? What kind of person do you want to become? Do you want to be among the top 10% of people who achieve great success in their lives, or the 90% who lead ordinary lives? If you are contented just living an ordinary life, then stop reading now! However, if you want to achieve great things such as getting into a top university, becoming a winner in sports, leading a great company, becoming very rich, driving a beautiful car, being a role model and making a difference in other people's lives, then that's terrific! I'm here to tell you that you CAN achieve all these great things. If I can do it, so can you. BUT all these achievements will NOT happen by chance! Bill Gates, Tiger Woods, David Beckham, Donald Trump, Warren Buffett, Richard Branson, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Barack Obama did not get to where they are by accident. It was not luck. They didn't do the same things that all their friends did, and woke up one day suddenly being super-successful. They all became who they are today because they all had ONE THING in common: they dared to THINK BIG and set BIG GOALS at an early age.
The Most Successful People in the World Started by Setting Big Goals…. Shouldn't You? Every great achievement begins with thinking big and setting big goals. Barack Hussein Obama is currently the 44th President of the United States. What's amazing about Obama's achievement is that he is the first AfricanAmerican to be elected President. How did he accomplish this? Was he super lucky? 111
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Did he come from a rich family with lots of connections? Did his parents give him all the necessary encouragement and wisdom? Nope! It all started when, at the age of five, young Obama dreamed of becoming the President of America. While studying in a kindergarten in Indonesia, young Obama wrote an essay entitled 'I want to become President'. At that time, it seemed to be an impossible and crazy dream to just about everyone. Firstly, he was a black kid studying not in the USA, but in Indonesia. Secondly, Obama was black, while all the US presidents had been white. Obama was also born into a poor family, and his parents separated when he was age 2. Nevertheless, he dared to THINK BIG. With the goal of becoming a president, he chose to study political science at the prestigious University of Columbia. He later went to Harvard Law School, where he ran for President of the Law Review and graduated with first class honors. Before entering politics he worked as civil rights lawyer (helping the less fortunate) and spent his free time doing community work. All the choices he had made (studying hard, studying politics, running for President in Harvard, doing community work) are what led him to develop the skills and experience necessary to become the US President.
I Want to Be the Richest Man in the World Another great example is that of Warren Buffett, one of the richest men in the world. Like Obama’s, Warren's mega achievements did not happen overnight, or by chance. They all started from a big goal. Warren remembers that as a 6 year-old he had boldly announced to his friends that he would become a millionaire by age 30. And if he didn't, he would jump off the tallest building (I'm sure he was kidding). Because he dared to think big, Warren did things that none of his friends did. He read books on how to get rich, and thought of many ways to make money. He started to buy shares at the age of 11, and by age 15 he had three businesses. He sold coca-cola to tourists, delivered newspapers, and owned pinball machines in restaurants all over his town. He saved his money and invested in land and even more stocks. d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
112
As a result, Warren made $6 million by the age of 30, and became the world's richest man in 2008, with a personal wealth of $60 billion. As you can see, the most successful people all have one thing in common: they set their big goals at a very young age. These goals guide them in what they should do and give them the motivation to work really hard. At the age of 8, today’s world #1 golfer Tiger Woods set his goal to become the world's top golfer. Hollywood director Steven Spielberg dreamed of becoming a moviemaker when he was just 12. Young Bill Gates had the vision of putting a computer into every home, and the teenage Donald Trump set his sights on becoming a billionaire property investor. I was lucky enough to learn about the power of goals at the age of 13, so I too started to think big and set huge goals. If I didn't set those goals, I wouldn't have the success I enjoy today! So, if you want to succeed, shouldn't you start setting goals too?
Thinking BIG Brings Out the Best in You Why is it important to think BIG? When you think big, you get really excited. Thinking big gives you energy. When I thought of making my first million at age 26 and becoming famous, this gave me the excitement to study hard while the rest of my friends were too lazy to pick up their books. When you think big, you start doing big things that bring out the best in you. Because I set the big goal of becoming a millionaire, I did stuff that most of my friends would not do. I started my first business (mobile disco) at age 15, started my second business (training) at age 18, read over 80 business books, started writing my first book at age 20, and invested in stocks and property by age 21. At the same time, if you think small, you will only attempt small things. Doing small things only means that you will get mediocre results. You will never realize your fullest potential! If I had not set that crazy goal of becoming a millionaire, I would have just gotten average grades like everyone else, gotten a normal job like everyone else, and become just an average person today. 113
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Setting Goals Gives You Clear Direction As a teenager, you have dozens of choices to make in your life everyday. - Should I study hard? - Should I listen to my parents? - Should I go steady? What kind of - girl/guy should I go out with? - Is it important to get good grades? - What kind of friends should I hang out with? - How should I spend my time? - What books should I read? - How should I behave? - Should I smoke or not? - Should I go to University, Polytechnic, or start working now? - What course should I take? - Should I get a tattoo? As you know, the choices you make are going to affect how happy and successful you will be later in life. One right choice can make you really successful. For example, because I made the choice to study hard and get into NUS business school, I am a successful entrepreneur today. At the same time, one wrong choice can destroy your life. I will share with you some such stories in the next chapters of the book.
Your Goals Affect the Choices You Make So, what affects all the choices you make in life? The answer is the goals you have. Because Obama had the goal of becoming a President, he made different choices than all his other friends. He chose to study politics, get top grades, become a leader in school and spend his time doing community work, which gave him an opportunity to understand the problems that people have. If he didn't have that immense goal, he might have instead chosen to hang out in disco pubs, drop out of school, get tattoos on his bum, wear a nose ring and study fashion design.
d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
114
So, you have got to start thinking big and setting goals for yourself….if you intend to get Somewhere and be Somebody. When you do, you will then be able to make the right choices for yourself! When you don't know what you want in life, you will not know what choices to make. That's when other people will make choices for you!
If You Don't Make a Choice in Life, Other People Will Make a Choice for You The River of Life Our life is very much like a river. It's like we are in a boat moving downstream. As the boat moves downstream, the river divides into many smaller streams going in different directions. These streams represent the different directions our life can take. Some streams may lead us to become doctors, business leaders, environmentalists, politicians or teachers. By following other streams we may wind up as security guards, cleaners, drivers or factory workers. As a student, you are still upstream. You can still decide which part of the river you want to end up in. If you set the goal of becoming a business leader, then you need to start paddling in that direction. If you decide to become a doctor, then you will paddle your boat in a different direction.
Cleaner?
Pol itic
s Busin es
Just like a real river, ? ian the river of life has Do ctor? many strong currents that will pull your boat away from the direction in which you want to go. These 'currents' are distractions such as computer games, influence from lousy friends, bad habits and trashy TV programs. However, as long as you ?
115
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
stay focused on your goal and fight the current, you will get where you want to go. Most people, on the other hand, have no idea where they want to be in the future. They don't know which part of the river they are headed towards. They just let their 'boat of life' drift aimlessly down the river, going wherever the current takes it. So, if you don't start setting goals and compassing early, you may end up somewhere you don't want to be!
Think Small! Be Realistic! When you start to think big and set huge goals, be prepared that many people around you will advise you to…
“Know your limits” “Get Real!” “Don't aim too high or you will be disappointed”
When a dishwasher named Marshall Mathers dreamed of becoming a world famous rapper, his friends told him he was unrealistic. He was a white boy with no talent when all the great rappers were African-American. When he first performed, he was even booed off stage. By never giving up and never giving in to other people's limiting beliefs, Marshall is now one of the world's most successful rappers. His albums have won many Grammy awards and they have also become some of the fastest selling hip-hop albums in history (sold in 75 million copies). He is better known by his stage name 'Eminem'. When Arnold Schwarzenegger aimed for Hollywood superstardom, everyone told him it was impossible. His body shape was too weird, his accent was too thick, he had no acting experience and his name was too long. Yet, Arnold dared to think big and he became one of the most successful action stars in history (starring in mega hit films such as 'The Terminator')! d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
116
After becoming a movie star, he set his next big goal of becoming the Governor of California. Once again, people told him to 'know his limits'. He was an actor and had no experience in politics. Again, he proved them wrong. He was elected Governor of California in 2003. Similarly, when I dreamed of making my first million at age 26, everyone told me to 'get real'. ‘It is impossible to become a millionaire two years after graduation’ is what everyone, including my parents, said. Well, I sure proved them wrong!
People Who Think Small Are Afraid of Failure So, why do most people think small? Because they are afraid of being over ambitious, afraid of failing and getting disappointed. They would rather set puny goals they can easily achieve. While they will probably achieve most of their goals (since they are so small), they will never achieve any GREAT success. They will never achieve their fullest potential. “Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it” - Famous Adidas Slogan
Dreaming Big Turned a Poor Island into One of the Richest Countries in the World The most successful people in the world all have one thing in common. They dream of achieving things that other people think are crazy and impossible. One such person who dared to think big was the first prime minister of Singapore, Lee Kuan Yew. When Lee became prime minister in 1959, Singapore was an underdeveloped colonial outpost of the 117
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
British Empire. It was a tiny 710km2 island (0.16% the size of California) with no natural resources such as oil, tin, gold or aluminum. In fact, Singapore did not even have enough water to sustain its population. The only resource Singapore had was its people of less than one million. At that time, the population was made up of uneducated immigrants from India, China and Malaysia. There was a lot of organized crime, racial riots, strikes, communist activities and drug addicts. When Singapore became independent in 1965, everyone predicted that such a small country, with zero resources, no army, no water, and an uneducated population, could never survive. Imagine if Lee were realistic and thought small. He would have probably been contented if Singapore could just survive as a third world country. If he did that, I certainly wouldn't be writing this book from my Apple computer, sitting in my beautiful house. Instead, Lee had a super big vision of transforming Singapore into a first world, developed country. He set the goals of Singapore having world-class standards in transportation, education, military power and economic development. At that time, it sounded crazy. It's like an uneducated bankrupt saying that he wants to become a millionaire. Crazy as it was, he believed 100% that it could be done. For the next 30 years, he inspired the whole country to work towards these huge goals. Today, Singapore is not only a developed, first world country, but it is also ranked as the fourth richest country in the world, with a GDP per capita of US$51,142 (compared to the United States GDP per capita of US$46,859). Singapore has the honour of having one of the world's best airports, the world's best airline, the world's best port and a world class educational, military and transportation system.
What if I Fail? Failure leads to success! You may be thinking to yourself, 'What if I set such big goals and I don't achieve them?' Let me tell you from experience that most of the time you WILL NOT achieve your goals! For example, when I set the goal of selling 1 million copies of my first book, 'I Am Gifted, So Are You!', I did not achieve it. When I set the goal of scoring 8'A's for my 'O' Level exams, I did not achieve it!
d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
118
The good news is that even if you don't achieve your big goals, you have NOT FAILED. You don't have to reach your goals to be SUCCESSFUL'. As long as you move closer to your goals, you are considered SUCCESSFUL!
Success is a process of moving towards your goals everyday
So even though I did not sell 1 million copies of 'I Am Gifted, So Are You!', I sold over 100,000 copies and the book hit the national best-sellers list. Although I did not get 8'A's for my 'O' level exams, I achieved 7'A's and managed to get into Victoria Junior College. Because I moved towards my goals, I succeeded! In other words, AIM FOR THE STARS! Even if you don't get there, you will reach the MOON!
There Are No Failures, Only Learning Experiences Successful people dare to DREAM BIG because they are not afraid of failure. How come? Well, they believe that if you don't achieve your goals, you will nonetheless have a good LEARNING EXPERIENCE. When you get a learning experience, you get to learn from your mistakes; you change your strategy, keep taking action and keep moving towards your goals. So the only way you can fail is if you quit. If you don't quit, you can NEVER FAIL. I also believe that the greatest failure in life is NOT TAKING ACTION. If you don't even 'try', then you are a failure! But if you give it (whatever 'it' is) your best shot, then you are sure to succeed or get a learning experience. The more learning experiences you get, the closer you will get to your goals.
1
Source: International Monetary Fund 2008
119
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
As Long As You Dream Big and Take Action, You Can Never Fail. You Either Succeed or Get a Learning Experience. When You Are Committed to a Dream, Nothing Can Stop You! What if you are unlucky to be born with lots of problems and obstacles that make big dreams impossible? Well, let me tell you that when you are committed to a dream, NOTHING can stop you. Let me tell you the story of Dr. William Tan, a world famous wheelchair marathoner and brain scientist. William was born into a modest family in Singapore and, at the age of two, contracted an illness called 'Polio'. The illness caused him to become paralyzed from the waist down. William was so poor, that he could not even afford crutches. So, for 10 years, William could only move around by crawling on his hands. Despite his disability, William dreamed of becoming a doctor and an Olympic athlete. Everyone told him that his dream was impossible. This big dream drove him to study really hard and to build up his upper body. He did the latter by doing hundreds of pushups everyday. He scored straight 'A's for all his exams, and entered Raffles Institution and Raffles Junior College. Despite getting top grades for his 'A' level exams, The National University of Singapore (NUS) rejected his application for medical school because of his condition. Did William give up on his dream to become a doctor? Not at all. He knew that there had to be a way! So, he decided to study Biology and Psychology in the NUS, and he worked for the government for 9 years to save up enough money for his d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
120
eventual goal. Then, in 1989, he went to Harvard and Oxford University, where he became a brain scientist. He became one of the top students there, achieving a First Class Honours in Physiology and becoming a Harvard University Fulbright Scholar and Oxford University's Raffles Scholar. A few years later, William earned his medical degree and achieved his lifelong dream of becoming a medical doctor! At the same time, William pursued his dream of becoming an Olympic athlete. Once again, people told him that he could never become an athlete because of his disability. Through sheer will and determination, he proved everyone wrong again! Today, William is an accomplished sportsman. A wheelchair marathon champion, he has competed in the Paralympics, Commonwealth Games and Asia-Pacific Games, and won many trophies and medals. In 2008, he broke the Guinness Book of World Records by completing 7 marathons across 7 continents - in his wheelchair -- in just 27 days!
Setting Powerful Goals that Work So, how do you set powerful goals that will drive you towards success? For goals to be powerful, they have to be SMAD.
1. Specific
The more specific your goal is, the better you can focus on it, and the more likely you are to achieve it. For example, the goal, 'To do well in Math' is not specific enough. If you set a goal such as 'Achieve 95% for Math', then you have a clear target to focus on. You know that you can only afford to make 5% worth of mistakes. If you got 70% for your last test, then you know you need to improve by 25%!
121
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Similarly, if you set a goal to 'lose some weight', your mind does not know how much weight you need to lose. 1kg? 5kgs? 10Kgs? If you set a specific goal, say 'lose 5kgs in 5 months', then you know that you need to lose an average of 1kg per month.
2. Measurable Your goals have also got to be 'measurable'. If you cannot measure the goal, you will not know if you have achieved it. For example, if you set a goal to 'practice swimming more', or 'study harder', you will not be able to measure your progress. The goal has got to be set in a measurable way, for instance 'practice swimming for 2 hours, 3 times a week' or 'study 3 hours a day'.
3. Action Plan Goals only remain daydreams until you come up with an action plan to achieve them. An action plan tells you exactly what you need to do to achieve that goal. For example, if your goal is to 'save $5,000 in 12 months', then an action plan could be: a. Give tuition twice a week to earn $200 a month b. Stop buying CDs and Games for the next 12 months c. Buy a dress only once every 3 months with a budget of $50 each b. Save $400 every month
4) Deadline Most important of all, every goal must come with a deadline, a date of accomplishment. Most people set a goal only to say that they will do it later. As you should know by now, later never comes! If you say that you will start your project when you are FREE, you will never find the 'free' time…because there will always be something else that crops up that you have to do. So, always set a time target for every goal.
d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
122
Start Setting Your Goals Now! All right! It's time to put what you have learned into action! Grab your pen and start setting some goals that will really help you achieve a more successful, purposeful and fulfilling life. Set at least 1-2 goals you want to achieve in the different areas of your life. Remember to make them specific and measurable, with an action plan and a deadline for each one of them.
Academic and Career Goals Start off by writing down your academic and career goals. For example, what grades do you aim to get? Which college do you want to attend? What course do you want to study? What position do you aim to have in class? What is your dream career?
Goal #1: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Goal #2: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Goal #3: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________
123
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Personal Development Goals What new skills do you want to acquire? What do you want to improve about yourself? For example, do you want to learn public speaking? Master memory skills? Increase your reading speed? Learn to play the guitar? Learn Karate?
Goal #1: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Goal #2: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Goal #3: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________
d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
124
Family & Relationship Goals Do you want to improve your relationship with your parents and siblings? What can you start doing consistently to help your family? How can you show your love and care for them? Eg: Offer to help a younger sibling with homework, or offer to do some grocery shopping for your mum.
Goal #1: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Goal #2: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Goal #3: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________
125
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Money Goals If you want to have enough money in the future to go to college, buy a car or travel the world, then you should start earning money. Get vacation jobs or save a certain amount of your allowance. What are some of your money goals? (Example: to save $20 a month and put it into a bank to earn interest).
Goal #1: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Goal #2: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Goal #3: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________
d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
126
Health and Sports Goals Finally, do you have any goals to achieve in sports? Do you want to improve your health and fitness in any way? (e.g. do 100 pushups a day? Set a goal for the next physical fitness test? Cut down on deep fried foods and chocolate to get clearer skin?)
Goal #1: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Goal #2: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Goal #3: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________
Action Plan: _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________
127
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Designing Your Life Path Now, let's do something really powerful. I'm going to show you how you can design your life path. Your life is just like a journey. You have to first decide on your destination. What kind of career and lifestyle do you want? Do you want to become a teacher or a businessman? Do you want to live in a bungalow or a flat? Once you decide, you can then plan on what and where you need to study to get there.
What Kind of Career Should I Choose in the Future? First, decide on what kind of career you would like to pursue. Many people I know end up in jobs they hate because they never chose their career properly. They chose a career because it seemed popular, or because they followed their friends blindly. Some of my friends went into a certain career because they wanted to follow in their parents' footsteps. It turned out to be the wrong one for them. I bet you would like to be in a job where you can command respect, and where you can also make lots of money. And, of course, you would like to enjoy the work you do, right? So, what is the right career for you? Entrepreneur, doctor, designer, researcher, social worker, salesperson? The answer is that you can become successful and rich in almost ANY career, as long as you become among the BEST in your chosen field. For example, it would be better to be an excellent teacher (a career you love) than just an average doctor (a career you have no interest in). The only way to become the best in something is to have strong interest and passion for it. You must also have the talent and skills and talents that are suited for the job. d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
128
This is why it is so important to know your strengths and weaknesses, your likes and dislikes. For example, if you love meeting and talking to people, then you would do a great job as a journalist, a salesperson or a teacher. If you got a job as a computer engineer, you would probably hate your job and you would be mediocre at it.
Write Down Your Interests and Strengths So, what are your interests and strengths? What subjects do you love and find easy to learn? What are your hobbies? What do your friends say you are good at? Go ahead and write down all the things you love to do and excel in. (Example: computers, Math, Science, solving problems, drawing, making up stories, making others laugh, talking, debating, teaching, reading, helping others, sports, traveling, adventure, writing, organizing activities, solving puzzles etc…) I Love/Am Great in...
List of Career Options Once you know your passion(s) and strengths, look at the entire list of possible career interest areas below, and see which one best suits you. For example, if you love gaming or working on computers, think of becoming a software programmer.
Career Interest Areas and Job Types Area 1 : Architecture & Construction Interested in : Designing and constructing buildings and structures Jobs include : Architect, Civil Engineer, Drafter, Electrical Engineer etc…
129
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Area 2 : Arts & Communication Interested in : Creatively expressing your feelings and ideas, performing or communicating with others Jobs include : Journalist, Public Relations, Specialist, Graphic Designer, Photographer, Film Maker etc… Area 3 : Business & Administration Interested in : Building and making businesses or organizations run smoothly. Like to work with and manage projects and people. Jobs include : Entrepreneur, Manager, Accountant, Administrator etc… Area 4 : Education and Training Interested in : Helping other people learn Jobs include : Lecturer, Principal, Teacher, Trainer, Teaching Assistant etc… Area 5 : Finance, Banking & Insurance Interested in : Helping people make money and manage their wealth Jobs : Insurance Agent, Stock Broker, Stock Trader, Banker etc… Area 6 : Government & Public Administration Interested in : Serving the country and the needs of the public Jobs : Minister, Military Personnel, Government Relations, Taxman etc… Area 7 : Health Sciences Interested in : Helping people and animals stay healthy Jobs : Doctor, Veternarian, Nurse, Physical Therapist, Psychiatrist etc… Area 8 : Hospitality & Tourism Interested in : Serving other people so they can enjoy themselves Jobs : Hotel Manager, Banquet Manager, Tour Guide, Waiter, Bartender etc… Area 9 : Informational Technology Interested in : Developing and managing computer information systems Jobs : Web developer, Software Developer, Systems Analyst etc… Area 10 : Law and Public Safety Interested in : Protecting people and upholding justice Jobs : Lawyer, Judge, Police Officer etc…
d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
130
Area 11 : Manufacturing Interested in : Using machines and tools to turn raw materials into finished products Jobs : Plant Engineer, Maintenance Manager, Quality Control Manager Area 12 : Sales and Service Interested in : Meeting people and persuading them to buy things Jobs : Sales Manager, Sales Promoter, Customer Service Officer etc… Area 13 : Scientific Research, Engineering & Mathematics Interested in : Discovering and analyzing information about the natural world. Applying scientific research into solving world problems Jobs : Chemist, Biologist, Applications Scientist, Geoscientist etc… Area 14 : Transportation, Distribution & Logistics Interested in : Operations that move people or materials. Jobs : Pilot, Logistics Manager, Truck Driver etc… Area 15 : Human Services Interested in : Improving people's social, mental, emotional or spiritual well-being. Jobs : Psychologist, Social Worker, Counselor etc…
What Kind of Lifestyle Do I Want to Have? The next thing you may want to think about is the kind of lifestyle you want to have. In the future, what kind of home do you want to live in? What kind of car do you want to drive? This tells you how much you need to earn and the job level you need to reach. Let's look at this one more time. If you wanted to have a working class lifestyle, this is how much it would cost you a month:
131
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
rnment ifestyle Working Class L estyle, you would live in a 3-room gove lif s n) u have 2 childre (In a Working Clas nsport. Assume yo tra ic bl pu ke ta d flat an onthly Cost M
$600 $50 $300 $200 $100 $150 $250 $400 $2,050 per month
0K) 3-Room HDB ($15 Utilities Groceries Telecoms Insurance ) Short holiday ($2k t ou g tin ea s) Shopping & fees, allowance, bu ol ho (sc 2 x n Childre Total
/husband would ha You and your wife a month
ve to earn at least
$1,000+
If you pitched to have a lower middle-income lifestyle, this is how much it would cost you a month: come Lifestyle 4 or 5 room Lower Middle In u would live in a yo , le ty es lif e m and 2 small (In a middle-inco car, have a maid e ric -p id m a n ow government flat children) onthly Cost M
0K) 4-Room HDB ($30 K) 60 ($ ry m Ca Toyota nce, Road tax) park, petrol, insura ar (C ts en ym Pa r Ca Utilities Groceries Telecom Insurance 5k) Annual holiday ($ ng Clothes & dini Maid , bus) on, fees, allowance Children x 2 (tuiti Total
/husband would You and your wife each a month
d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
132
$1200 $800 $600 $100 $500 $300 $300 $416 $500 $600 $800 6 $6,11 per month
have to earn at leas
t $3,000+
This is how much an Upper-Middle Income Lifestyle would cost.
come Lifestyle a 4 or 5 Upperer Middle In come lifestyle, you would live in in e2 small dl d id an aid (In an upper m xury car, have a m lu a n ow , m iu in room condom children) Monthly Cost
$4,300 ) m $2,000 1.3 ($ o nd 4-Room Co 1 x ) $1,000 0K BMW 5-Series ($17 park, petrol, insurance, Road tax) $200 ar (C 1 Car Payments x ,000 $1 Utilities 00 $5 Groceries 00 $6 Telecom 00 $6 e Insuranc 0 00 $1 ) 8k Annual holiday ($ 00 $6 ng ni Clothes & di $1,000 Maid ance, bus) ow all , es per month fe 00 n, tio 2,8 ui $1 Children x 2 (T Total ,400+
/husband wou You and your wife each a month
ld have to earn at
least $6
133
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
If you want to live a rich life in your future, look at the monthly bill today! style alow or luxury Rich Income Life would live in a bung all children) u yo , le ty es lif e m (For a rich inco o maids and 2 sm xury cars, have tw lu o tw n ow o, nd co Monthly Cost
$10,000 ) 3m $5,000 ($ w alo ng Semi-D/ Bu 2 x ) $2,000 0K BMW 7-Series ($25 park, petrol, insurance, Road tax) $500 ar (C 2 Car Payments x ,000 $2 Utilities 000 $1 Groceries 000 $1 Telecom 00 $8 e Insuranc 0 00 $2 k) 10 Annual holiday ($ 0 ,20 $1 ng ni Clothes & di 0 ,60 $1 2 Maid x ce, bus) an ow month all r , es pe fe , 00 on 7,1 $2 Children x 2 (tuiti Total 600+
at least $13, ould have to earn w nd ba us /h ife w nsive to live You and your it is extremely expe at th e se n ca ou Y a month each. the rich life.
So, have you decided what kind of lifestyle you want to enjoy? If you don't decide what you want, you will not know what kind of job you will need to get in the future. For example, if you can be content with a lower-middle income lifestyle, then being a beauty therapist or a nurse is fine. If you want a rich-income lifestyle, you would have to be a top doctor or a businessperson.
The Corporate Ladder Once you know the kind of lifestyle you want, then you can set a goal for the job level you want to achieve in the future. Just like in a computer game, there are many levels of jobs when you play the corporate game in a company. Remember that we talked about this in chapter 5? Let's look at it again.
d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
134
Chief Executive Earn $10,000 to Millions/month
Directors Earn $6,000-$100,000/month
Managers Earn $3,000-$6,000/month
Executives Earn $2,000-$3,000/month
Blue collar Workers Earn $800-$1,200/month
It's a Competition to the Top! If you don't get a good education, you will be stuck at the first level. When you finish studying in the polytechnic or the university, you will usually start at the 'executive level'. From there, you have to work hard to get to the very top!
What Route Do I Take?
Primary School
Once you know where you want to go, you need to design a route that will take you there! If you are in Primary school now, you need to plan which secondary school you would like to go to.
Secondary/High School
After secondary school, you have a choice of going to a polytechnic or a junior college. Following that, you need to decide which university to attend, and what level you would like to attain.
Pre-University/ Junior College/ Polytechnic
Let's look at the different choices. Although I give examples from Singapore, find out the options you have in your home country.
University/ College
135
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Quick Tips on Secondary (High) Schools Check out all the different kinds of secondary schools in your country and see which one best suits your goals. Some specialize in Science courses, while others specialize in Arts or Sports. For example, in Singapore, you should aim to get into NUS High School if you want to become a scientist or mathematician. You can enroll in School of the Arts (SOTA) if you want to pursue a career in music or art. Mainstream schools offer the Cambridge ‘O’ Level examinations after four years of study. Some schools offer the International Baccalaureate (IB) Diploma after 6 years of study, and with an IB you can go directly to university. Some schools offer the Integrated Programme (IP), where you skip ‘O’ levels and go directly to junior college to take ‘A’ Levels.
d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
136
Quick Tips on Pre-University At the pre-university level, you have a choice of going to a polytechnic or a junior college. Here are key considerations: Polytechnic ✐ You get to study courses that prepare you for vocational work straight away. You learn stuff such as engineering, computer science, design, business etc… ✐ It is a three-year course that gets you a diploma ✐ With a diploma, you can get an executive level job, or use it to enter a university ✐ The downside is that local universities usually allocate only 10-20% of their places to diploma holders. The rest of the places are given to 'A' level holders from junior college Junior College ✐ It is a two-year course that gets you an 'A' Level certificate ✐ With a good 'A' level certificate, you get first priority to enter a top university ✐ Because 'A' levels prepare you for university and not for work, the stuff you learn may not be work related. Courses include sciences, humanities and math ✐ The downside is that if you don't enter a university, an 'A' level certificate is pretty useless.
Quick Tips on University At the university level, there are a few levels of degrees you can complete. You have the… Bachelors Degree (2-3 years) Honours Degree (extra 1 year) Masters Degree (extra 2-3 years) Doctorate Degree (PhD) (extra 2-7 years) Depending on your dream career, you need to choose your course of study. You can study medicine, science, business, computer science, architecture, arts, law, accountancy, engineering etc…
137
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
You can enroll in the national (local) universities, private colleges and overseas universities. Here are the facts… National Universities • Singapore national universities - the National University of Singapore (NUS), Nanyang Technological University (NTU) and Singapore Management University (SMU) - are ranked among the best in the world. • The great thing about going to a local university is that it is the cheapest, since the government subsidizes 40% of the fees. • A bachelor's degree costs about $30,000. • Very prestigious, but not easy to get in. You need to be among the top 10-15% of students in the country to get in! Private Colleges • You also have the option of attending a private college that offers degree courses from affiliated overseas universities. • These are usually the easiest to enter, but may not be as prestigious (or marketable) as the local universities or top colleges overseas. • A bachelor's degree costs about $40,000- $60,000 Top Overseas Colleges • This option is the toughest to enter, the most expensive, and also the most prestigious. • An overseas degree could cost anywhere from US$100,000 to US$400,000, so, unless you are from a rich family, the best option would be to get a scholarship • Top US colleges include Harvard, Princeton, MIT, Stanford and Yale. Top UK colleges include LSE, Oxford and Cambridge.
d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
138
Once you have all these facts, you can start planning a road map for your life. For example, here is how I planned my life path…
Ping Yi Secondary Scho ol - 4 years - Score 8'A's for 'O' Leve ls - Age 16 Victoria Junior College eam - 2 years, Study science str ls ve Le ' 'A - Score 6'A's for - Age 18 National Service (Army) - 2.5 years, Age 21 - Attend Officer Cadet Sc hool - Achieve rank of Lieuten ant National University of Singapore - 3 years, Age 24 - Attain Bachelor of Business Administration (Honours) • Earn profits of $10,000 a month from my 2 business es and book • Invest in stocks. • Buy first property at ag e 24
speaking • Learn public disco business • Start mobile r event charge $300 pe
• Give part-tim e tuit earn $200 a mon ion and th • Make $1000 a month from mobile disco bu • Make $1000 siness a month giving motivational ta lks to students
• Launch my fi rst • Re-start my M book obile Disco Business • Start Adam K hoo Associates traini & ng company illion by age • Achieve $1 m ty and stock 26 from proper investments $20,000 a • Earn profits of 2 businesses month from my and books
Drawing Your Life Path Now, here is your turn to have fun drawing your life path. Take at least 1 hour of uninterrupted time to plan your life. You may have to log into the Internet to do lots of research to help you plan. Go ahead and do it NOW. 139
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Have you got all your goals planned out? Great! Let's move on to the next exciting chapter.
d Think Big an ! en Make it Happ
140
CHAPTER
EIGHT
FRIENDS MAKE YOU OR THEY BREAK YOU
CHAPTER
EIGHT
Friends Make You or They Break You
We all need friends. It's impossible to survive in this world without them. Friends are there to share our happy moments and to help us get through the most difficult times in our lives.
To Be Happy and Successful, We All Need Good Friends
Although some people may claim that they don't need any friends, the truth is that we can never be happy if we are all alone. Achieving all the success in the world means nothing, unless you have people you care about, and who care about you, to share it with. Imagine being able to score the best grades, have the highest IQ, win all the sports medals, drive the sleekest car, and yet not having a single friend who genuinely likes you for who you are. All that success would not mean much, would it? If you find it difficult to make friends, or to find a true friend, don't worry. When I was in school, there were times when I faced these very same problems. In this chapter, you are going to learn how to make friends, how to develop true friendships that last, and how to become someone whom everyone respects and likes.
143
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
The Most Important Decision of Your Life Do you want to be a very happy and successful person now and in the future? I am sure you do. Well, there is one very important decision you need to make that will determine whether you will end up happy or miserable, a success or a failure, a winner or a loser. The decision is…the kind of friends you choose to mix around with.
Friends Make You or They Break You That's right! The kind of friends you choose to hang around with will affect the choices you make everyday, the way you behave, and the results that you will get.
EMO
JOCK
GLAM GIRL
NERD
Friends will affect the big decisions you need to make, not just the little everyday ones such as WHERE to hang out. Hang around happy people, and you will become happy. Hang around miserable people, and you will become miserable. Hang around winners and you will become a winner. Hand around people with a loser attitude, and you will become a loser. The right friends will help make you successful, whereas the wrong friends can ruin your life. You or Friends Makek You They Brea
144
Jin Zhu Zhe Chi, Jin Mo Zhe Hei Old Chinese Proverb that says 'He who stays near Vermillion gets stained red. He who stays near ink gets stained black’ Friends: They Affect Us and Infect Us How come friends have such a powerful influence over our lives? It's because we tend to become like the people we spend most of our time with. All of us want to be well liked by the people around, and to 'fit in'. To be accepted, we usually have to think and behave the way they do. If we are different, we seem weird and get rejected. I remember that back in secondary one, the boys I used to hang around with were kids who smoked, spent all their time gaming, and had no interest in studies. After spending so much time with them, it became 'NORMAL' to smoke, gamble and spout vulgarities. In that group, it was 'normal' to fail your tests. If you studied and got 'A's, you were considered a weirdo, and everyone would tease you! If you told them that your aim was to get into university, they would look at you as if you had gone 'nuts'. Soon enough, I became like them. When I decided to change my life, one major thing that supported my new changes and stopped me from going back to my old habits were the new friends I started mixing around with. I began spending time with these new friends who were positive, confident and success-oriented. These new friends were competitive, hardworking, and set high standards for their future. They never wasted their time on useless activities.
145
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Whenever we hung out, they would discuss the latest topics they had learned in school, and their big ambitions for the future. They talked about going to top universities, becoming bankers, doctors, inventors, entrepreneurs and future leaders. In this new group, it was NORMAL to study hard and get good grades. It was normal to excel. If you failed your tests, you were considered a dumb slacker. If you lit a cigarette or used vulgarities, they would look at you as if you were some kind of 'low life form'. Being around them, I felt uncomfortable smoking. So I stopped. Sure enough, hanging around with these new friends boosted and strengthened my resolve to reach for the goals I had set immediately after the teen motivational camp.
Reality Check: Are Your Friends Helping You to Succeed, or to Fail? If you really want to change yourself for the better, you need to do an honest reality check on the friends you hang out with. Write down the names of the eight people you spend most of your time with. Think about who they are and put their names in the space below. Friend #1 Friend #2 Friend #3 Friend #4 Friend #5 Friend #6 Friend #7 Friend #8 You or Friends Makek You They Brea
146
❒ ____________________________________________ ❒ ____________________________________________ ❒ ____________________________________________ ❒ ____________________________________________ ❒ ____________________________________________ ❒ ____________________________________________ ❒ ____________________________________________ ❒ ____________________________________________
Are your friends positive-minded, motivated and ambitious? When you are around them, do they encourage and inspire you to become better? If the answer is 'Yes', put a tick next to their name. Or…. Are your friends negative-thinkers, lazy and aimless? When you are around them, do they bring out the worst in you? Do they make you act is a way that makes you feel uncomfortable? If this is true, put a cross next to their name. Do you have more empowering friends, or dis-empowering friends?
To Change Yourself, You Must Also Change Your Friends If you have discovered that the people around you are holding you back, don't blame yourself. In the past, you may not have had the chance to choose the right friends. Often times, we become friends with the people who happen to be around us, or whoever is willing to accept us. However, you can now choose to make friends with people who will help you succeed, and spend less time with those who will not help you. Is it easy to change your friends? I can tell you the answer is 'no'. It takes a lot of courage and self-confidence. I managed to do it and I believe that YOU can do it too! When you really want to succeed in life, you must be willing to pay the price.
Be an Eagle and Not a Sheep After I attended a motivational workshop and decided to change myself, I started behaving very differently. I started to talk positively, pay attention in class, and set big goals. I stopped hanging out and wasting time. How do you think my close friends reacted? They thought that I had become a real weirdo. They made sarcastic comments such as, 'Wah! So hardworking eh?' and kept trying to persuade me to go back to my old habits. When I started to get 'A's for tests, they would laugh and make snide remarks. 147
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
After a while, they stopped talking to me and made me feel uncomfortable around them. Was it difficult for me? You bet! I started to feel lonely and rejected. I had no more friends in school! But I knew, deep inside, that if I wanted to achieve my goal of becoming someone successful, I had to dare to be different. After all, it is the minority who succeed, and the majority who end up average. The good news is that I began making new friends from other schools and from other outside activities I started to get involved in. These new friends were also ambitious and self-motivated and they helped push myself to become better and better.
Beware of Crabs! Here's an interesting fact about crabs. When you place a crab in a bucket, you have to tie up its claws, or else it will be able to climb out and escape. However, if you were to put a few crabs in a bucket, they would not be able to climb out and escape, not even if their claws were not tied up. How come? The funny thing about crabs is that the moment one crab tries to climb out of the bucket, the others would hold onto it and pull it back down. In the end, none of the crabs gets a chance to escape, and they die together. Be careful! Sometimes negative friends can hold us back from success, just like these crabs. If you decide to change for the better, sometimes your friends will try to pull you down. They may discourage you, make fun of you, or influence you to go back to your old ways. You can either choose to pull them up with you, or let go of them. After you escape you will make new friends.
Making New Friends Can Be Scary I admit that making friends isn't always easy. It can be quite a scary experience sometimes. One of the reasons why we may find it difficult to make friends is that we are afraid of how others will judge us. This is You or Friends Makek You They Brea
148
especially so when we want to get to know someone who appears a lot more successful, smarter or cooler-looking. We tell ourselves things such as, 'Why would they want to be my friends? What would they think about me? What if they ignore me? What if they reject me? What if they laugh at me? Am I good enough?' These fears stop us from going out and starting new friendships with others.
Have you ever had this experience? You are at a party or a new school and you see a really hot girl, or a cool bunch of guys whom you want to hook up with. However, you fear that they may reject you. So you don't go up and say 'Hi'. In fact, you may even avoid eye contact when they look at you. You dare not smile because you're afraid they might not smile back, making you look dumb. In the end, you never get the chance to make friends with them.
The Big Secret of Making Friends Let me tell you a big secret that will give you the courage to make friends more easily. The secret I discovered is that whenever you are scared of being rejected by someone, that person is just as scared as you are! This is even true of people who seem to be so cool, smart or successful.
Are You Scared of Others? They Are Just As Scared of You!
149
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Many teens may look cool and confident on the outside, but on the inside they too are afraid of being judged and rejected. They too have self-doubts. So, while you may think they are unapproachable, they too think that you are unapproachable, since you don't say hi or smile at them. It always takes someone to take the first step to break the ice. To be successful in life and make the right friends, you must dare to take the first step. I can tell you that when you make the attempt to be friends with someone, 99% of the time that person will be friendly to you.
Someone Must Always Take the First Step Take the First Step to Make the Right Friends What If Someone Rejects You? Is it possible that somebody may one day ignore you or reject you? Of course! It has happened to me at a party where you would expect everyone to be friendly. I smiled and greeted this guy, and he did not smile back. In fact, he just stared at me!!! If this ever happens to you, don't feel bad about it. There is NOTHING wrong with you. This shows that there is something wrong with that person. That person is probably selfish, rude and arrogant, and you are better off not knowing him/her at all.
The Most Successful & Confident People Are Usually the Nicest What I have also found is that the most confident and successful people in the world are usually the most humble, friendly and approachable. I remember when I first met Tony Buzan, the inventor of Mind Maps. Tony is the world's most famous learning expert, and the author of more than 80 books. People pay thousands of dollars to hear him speak for just a few hours, and he is someone I highly respect. When I wrote my first book, 'I Am Gifted, So Are You!', I thought it would be fantastic if Tony Buzan could endorse it and write the foreword. Then I thought to myself, 'Why would Tony Buzan want to endorse my You or Friends Makek You They Brea
150
book? He is a famous big shot and I am just an unknown student from the tiny island of Singapore'. I was so afraid that he would laugh at my stupid idea.
If You Don't Take the First Step, You Will Never Have Opportunities. Then, I learned that to succeed in life, you have got to take the first step. You cannot let your fears stop you. If I don't take action, I will never know the outcome, and I will regret it for the rest of my life. So, I wrote an email to Tony Buzan in 1997, when I was a 23-year-old undergraduate. To my surprise, he not only agreed to write the foreword for my book, but he also invited me to meet up with him as he was coming to Singapore. When I met up with Mr Buzan, I was most surprised to find that this highly successful multi-millionaire was extremely humble and friendly. He invited me for dinner with his friends and gave me great advice, advice that I have used to this day. On the other hand, I have found that snobbish and arrogant people may appear to be successful and confident, but they actually have little confidence in themselves. They act that way because they are scared of exposing their weakness. So, don't bother with them!
The World is Like a Mirror The world is like a giant mirror. Whatever you give out is reflected back. When you are open and friendly to people, they will tend to be open and friendly to you. Haven't you noticed that smiles are very infectious? When you smile at someone, that person will always tend to smile back (again, there will be that 10% of people who don't smile back - don't worry about them. They have got a problem with themselves). When someone smiles at you, don't you tend to smile back as well? When you are open, honest and trustworthy, others will be the same to you. Similarly, when you are distrustful, you will tend to attract distrustful people. So, if you want the people around you to be nicer and friendlier, start with YOURSELF! 151
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
How to Start a Conversation & Make People Like You Everybody wants to be well liked by the people around him/her and I'm sure you do too. I know some people who are really smart, confident and talented, but the way they talk and behave puts people off. In the end, no one likes them. Have you ever met people like that in school? Well, no matter how great you are, you will never succeed in anything unless you learn how to get others to like you and to support you! No matter how smart and confident Barack Obama was, he would have never become the president of the United States had he not known how to get the majority of Americans to like him and to vote for him.
What Does It Take to Be Well Liked? Can anybody learn to be well liked by others? Of course! Must you be born good looking, smart or successful to be popular? Not at all! Having a personality that makes people like you is something that anyone can have. It is not something you are born with, but something you can learn and develop. Before I share with you the secrets of how to become likeable, I want to ask you to think of all the people who you do not like. Think of the people who put you off, irritate you, or even make you angry. I am sure a few names will come to mind. In the space below, write down all the things you don't like about them. What did they say or do that put you off? I don’t like people who...
You or Friends Makek You They Brea
152
Below are the things that put most people off. Do they match any in your list?
I Don't Like People Who… ut me es and not abo lv se em th t u o ab They care only are selfish. izing me keep critic talk listen when I ly don't real t h g ri e k they ar always thin listen to my opinions to don't want selves g about them keep talkin d moody an are grumpy e fm make use o and take me for granted ful are ungrate me and others e like to blam ff o w sho are bossy laining keep comp me on many things ith disagree w ntly (from me) re fe if d o act to est us and dishon o ti n te are pre me may betray ifferently behind my back d t ac d talk an
Now you know exactly what NOT to do if you want to be liked by others. Do you do any of these things without realizing it? If you do, then make the effort to stop doing things that put people off. Now, I want you to think of people who you really like, admire, respect and love. It could be your teacher, friend, parent, or a role model. What is it they do or say that makes you like them? I like people who:
153
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Now, let's compare your list to what other people say. When I ask people want they like about their friends, they say:
I Like People Who… yself el good about m s fe e m e ak M ie terests and hobb Share my in e way I do m Think the sa d care about how I feel an d ings Understan inions and feel op y m to n te is L and helpful Are friendly e rm es Look out fo pport me during difficult tim su Are there to h ug Make me la who I am r fo e m t ep Acc me Appreciate ul rf ee ch Are
Is it similar to what you also like in your friends? I believe so. So, if you like these traits in other people, take on these traits yourself, and others will like you. These are traits that anyone can adopt. All it takes is awareness and effort.
5 Powerful Ways to Win Friends Now, let me share with you the 5 most powerful ways to win friends. Strategy #1 Smile! As simple as it seems, smiling makes you a hundred times more friendly and approachable. When you smile, you appear to be confident and happy to see people. Smiling gives off a positive energy that makes people feel good inside, and makes them smile back. People love to be around cheerful people who give off positive energy. Don't you?
You or Friends Makek You They Brea
154
Strategy #2 Learn to Listen Many people think that you need to be great at talking to be popular. In fact, it is more important to be a good listener. This is why God gave us two ears and only one mouth. While it sounds simple, many people actually do not know how to listen. Have you ever spoken to some people and found that they kept interrupting you? Or they did not seem to be paying attention, they were playing with their mobile phone or looking elsewhere, even as you were speaking and looking at them? I bet you felt irritated and angry, right? Have you also met people who keep talking on and on, and didn't give you a chance to speak? I personally dislike people like that. So, while it is great to share your ideas and speak up, it is even more important to give others a chance to talk and to really give them your fullest attention. When we listen with full attention, we are showing our friends that we care about how they think and how they feel.
great Here are some
.
listening tips…
s portant. ight Question es them feel im lves ak m It ! es • Ask the R lv se lk about them about themse People love to ta that will allow them to talk t to s a chance to ge So, ask question oughts. This also gives you 'What are your r th ons such as, or express thei tter. Ask questi w teacher?', 'What kind of be h uc m em know th of the ne t do you think hobbies?', 'Wha ?' etc… ke music do you li skill Eye Contact . An important ul so e th to s • Maintain w at es are the windo n they speak. It tells them th he They say the ey w e ey e th ople in is to look at pe ing them. ow you are foll ords ch ith Nods and W they listen, and use words su w d on p es R • as g on al also nod Good listeners see', 'okay' etc… m', 'really?', 'I m m 'h !', ow 'w as,
155
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Strategy #3 Find Similarities People always like to hang out with people who are like themselves. I am sure you feel very comfortable with friends who share your taste in music, books, games, hobbies, movies, sports etc… When I make friends with people, I do my best to find out what they are really interested in, and what are the things we have in common. For example, if I find out that they love to watch Star Wars movies (which I love myself), I talk all about Star Wars and ask them questions about it. Their faces light up and we create an instant connection. Strategy #4 Respect Others' Thoughts and Feelings Will we always agree with our friends about everything? Of course not! What makes life interesting is that all of us have different opinions. So, when you disagree with what your friends think or say, what do you do? Well, some people like to criticize others just to prove that they are right. They say things such as, 'no!', 'you're wrong!', 'that's a stupid idea', 'are you crazy?', 'that's dumb!' How do you feel when people say these things to you? Not too good, right? Nobody likes to be criticized. The important thing is not to do this to other people. When we criticize and insult people, they won't like us very much, even though we may be right! Popular people always respect other people's thoughts and feelings. So, even if some friends say something you disagree with (they may love a song which you think sucks), never criticize their opinions. Instead, just respect their views by hearing them out. Do your best to see the situation from their point of view. When they have finished, just say, 'I see what you are saying. What I think is…' Then tell them what you think. By listening to the different views of others, you not only win their friendship, but you also become a lot more open minded. You or Friends Makek You They Brea
156
You Can Never Win An Argument! Even if you can argue better and prove the other person is wrong, you have just lost that friend's respect for you. So, ultimately, you also lose. Strategy #5 Give Sincere Compliments & Appreciation Don't you love people who make you feel good about yourself? Well, so do other people. We all yearn for appreciation and compliments. So, if you want to win over the hearts and minds of those you want as friends, find opportunities to give them sincere compliments. They will love you for it. If a friend does well in a test, congratulate him: 'That was a great score!' Or tell your friends how terrific they look with their new hairstyle (if its true). If they don't look good, shut up! Giving someone a compliment doesn't cost us anything, but it means a lot to them.
Dealing with Peer Pressure Have you ever felt peer pressure? We will all experience it sometimes. Peer pressure makes us do things that we normally wouldn’t do by ourselves. When we see others doing something, we feel pressured to follow. We feel that since everyone is doing that, it must be okay, so we do it as well. If we don't do it, we fear getting rejected.
157
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Peer pressure can be good or bad. Peer pressure is good when we are pressured to follow our friends to do beneficial things that we may not have the courage to do by ourselves. When we are around good friends, they will pressure us to be competitive, train hard and excel. However, peer pressure can also make us do really dumb things that we know are not right. We do these things because all our friends are doing them, and it may feel weird not to. Teens everywhere are pressured to… • • • • • • • •
Smoke & take drugs Get tattoos Have sex Wear branded clothes Hang out and waste time Get the latest mobile phones and gaming consoles Spend excessive time chatting or gaming online Shoplift, vandalize etc…
Ben's Story The really scary thing about peer pressure is that with the wrong friends, we can end up doing really dumb things that may ruin our lives. Back in school, I had a classmate named Ben. Ben was a really nice guy and a fun person to be around. He was a 'good brother', who was very loyal to his friends and would do anything for them. The sad thing is that Ben's loyalty led to his downfall when he befriended the wrong teens. Ben started to make friends and hang around some of the problem kids in school. These teens were in gangs, and often got into a lot of trouble. One Monday morning, Ben didn't turn up for school. Everyone thought he was sick, but that afternoon our teacher broke the news that Ben had been arrested for armed burglary. All of us were shocked and could barely believe our ears. ‘Why would Ben do this?’ we wondered. After all, he was from a rich family and had no reason to steal. He was a smart guy who must have known that it was a serious crime. He was a good student who had a great future ahead of him.
You or Friends Makek You They Brea
158
A few months later, when we attended his court trial, we learned that the gang of friends he was with decided to break into someone's house and rob the place. Although Ben knew it was wrong and did not want to do it, peer pressure and his loyalty to his friends made him help them that night. Although Ben did not steal anything for himself, he was found guilty of robbery together with his friends and was sentenced to jail for five years! That one night ruined Ben's entire life. That experience taught me a great lesson about listening to myself and not just blindly following others.
Stick With the Right Friends. Learn to Say 'No' So, how do you make sure that peer pressure never gets you in trouble? The most important thing is to make judgments based on what you know is right or wrong, and not just based on the opinions of your friends. Listen to your conscience and your gut instincts. If you notice a group of schoolmates behaving in ways that you know are not right, stay away from them - no matter how popular they may be, or how well they may treat you. By being around them, you run the risk of being influenced. The other important skill is to learn to say, 'No!' While we want people to like us, we need to learn to say 'No' when we know that we are being pressured to do the wrong thing. Again, learn to listen to your heart more than to others' opinions about you. You may lose some friends by saying 'No', but these are friends you are better off without.
Finding and Keeping True Friends While it may be easy to make friends with lots of people, it is a lot more difficult to find really true friends. True friends are what we all really want. I believe it is better to have one true friend than to have a hundred fake ones. 159
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Before we can find and make true friends, we must first know what it means to have a true friend. So, what does a true friend mean to you? Write down the qualities you think a true friend should have. A True Friend is Someone Who:
At the same time, what do you think a fake friend is like? Write down what you think makes someone a false friend. A False Friend is Someone Who:
Let’s see what other teens that have done this exercise have said... True Friends Are Those Who • Are happy to see you succeed • Believe in you when others don't • Help you during your toughest times • Are there for you in good and bad times • Are willing to scold you when you need it • Are loyal • Are honest and will tell you the truth even if it hurts • Are willing to make sacrifices for you • Never pressure you against your will • Have your best interest at heart
You or Friends Makek You They Brea
160
False Friends Are Those Who • Get jealous of your success • Are there for you only in good times • Run away when things get tough • Pretend that everything is okay when it is not • Tell you only what you would like to hear • Talk behind your back and behave differently when you are not around • Are only nice to you when they want something • Will test your friendship by saying, 'if you are my friend, you will…' • Are selfish. Have only their own interests at heart • Pressure you to do things you are not comfortable with/ know will upset your parents It may be time to ask yourself whether you have more true friends, or more fake friends. If you want to have true friends, then the solution is to first be a true friend yourself. Remember you learned earlier that the world is like a mirror? Act like a true friend and you will attract true friends into your life.
161
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
CHAPTER
NINE
MAKING PARENTS OUR PARTNERS
CHAPTER
NINE
Making Parents Our Partners
Whether we like it or not, our parents will always play a big part in our lives. They were the first to greet us when we were born, and they will continue to be there for us for many years to come. They will be there on your birthdays, New Year and Christmas celebrations. They will be there when you graduate, when you get married, when you buy your first home, and they will be there to give you advice and support when you have your own children. So, you are pretty much stuck with your mum and dad.
Partners or Enemies: Your Choice If you get along well with them, you will find that they can be great partners in your life. They will be a source of experience, wisdom and support. However, if you have a bad relationship with them, then you will always make each other's lives miserable. They will be like a thorn in your butt. You will have constant arguments, power struggles and unhappiness. The good news is that you have a choice about whether you want to get along with your parents or not. In this chapter, you are going to learn how to understand your parents better and how to speak in their language so they understand you as well. With the right strategies, you will learn how to get them to trust you more, and to give you more freedom and positive encouragement (instead of nagging & scolding you all the time). 165
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
How Parents Can Drive Us Crazy If you have a close, open and loving relationship with your parents, congratulations! However, most teens I talk to find it difficult to get along with their parents. They find that what their parents do sometimes drives them crazy, and they wish that their mum or dad would get off their backs. What do your parents do that drives you crazy? Here is what other teenagers have to say:
“My parents keep restricting my freedom. 'Don't do this, don't do that.' ” “My mum does things that embarrass me in front of my friends.” “They never seem to be satisfied with what I do.” “Everything I do is wrong to them. I never know how to please them.” “My dad keeps comparing me with other people. It's so irritating.” “Mum keeps nagging like a broken CD.” “They keep over worrying about nothing.” “My parents are overprotective. Mum is a control freak. They don't trust me.” “They ask a million questions: 'Have you done your homework?' 'Where did you go?' 'What did you learn in school today?' ” “They don't understand me. They think my life is very easy.” “ I feel demoralized when they keep harping on my bad points.” “I just asked my father for money to buy a new game and he yelled at me.” “They keep nagging at me to study and do my homework.” “They keep pressurizing me to do well. It stresses me out!” “She keeps lecturing me on things I already know. Treats me as if I were stupid.”
Do you have similar experiences and feelings towards your parents? If you do, then it means you have 'normal' parents. Don't worry, most teens face the same problems you do. The good news is that these are problems that can be solved when you learn how to communicate with your folks the right way. ts Making Paren Our Partners
166
Why Do Parents Act So Crazy? When we were much younger, our parents seemed a lot easier to live with. They smiled all the time when they saw us. They gave us lots of hugs and kisses, and showered us with praise. Whenever we saw them, we would run to them for love and comfort. Have you found that as you grew older, you no longer ran to them? Instead, you started to run away from them and towards your friends. How did this happen? Most teens find that their parents have changed. They have become weird and crazy. You know what? Our parents feel the same way about us too. To them, we have changed into crazy teenagers, who seem so alien to them. To help our parents understand us better and treat us the way we want to be treated, we need to first understand them. We need to understand why they behave the way they do.
Understanding Your Parents While it certainly isn't easy being a teenager, being an adult and a parent comes with much more stress, problems, responsibilities and worries. As teens, we have the stress of having to get good grades, do well in CCAs, make and keep good friends, and get along with our parents and siblings. Parents not only have the same kind of stress, but they have a lot more people to worry about. Let's see what the things that worry your parents are.... Parents' Worry About a Million Things… • Working hard enough so they can get promoted and earn more • Earning enough to provide a good life for the family • Losing their job if they don't do well • Getting retrenched if the company they are working for is not doing well
167
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
• Meeting their boss's expectations, getting reprimanded or, worse, sacked • Paying for the housing loan every month • Paying for all the bills (water, electricity, insurance, clothes, food, transport, phone bills etc…) • Going broke if they cannot make enough money to pay for everything every month • Health problems and medical bills • Getting snubbed or laughed at by their 'friends' for having no money • Problems in their marriage - mostly issues arising from lack of money (when mum and dad have disagreements, these can lead to quarrels, unhappiness, and even divorce) • Looking after their own parents (your grandparents), especially if they are sickly As you can see, being an adult isn't a bed of roses. Life can be really tough. They have little time to play games, chat on the phone, hang out with friends, and enjoy long school holidays.
To survive and succeed, parents know that it takes a positive mindset, hard work, and a solid education. They know that the better their education, the more chance they have to get promoted, to earn more money, and to have a better life. If your parents are having a tough life, they probably have lots of regrets that they did not work harder and get a better education when they were younger. What frustrates them is that they cannot change their past. So they can only hope to give YOU a better life. ts Making Paren Our Partners
168
Their Biggest Worry Of All is…YOU Out of all the worries your parents face, the biggest worry they have is their children! Why do they worry so much about you? It's because they love and care about you enormously, often even more than they love and care for themselves. This love for you gives them a lot of FEAR. They FEAR that if you don't work hard and get a good education, you will not be able to survive in this tough world. You may end up struggling hard, as they do. They FEAR that you will make the same mistakes they did. They FEAR that when they become old, get sick and die, and can no longer look after you, you will not be able to earn enough money to have a good life. This FEAR is what makes them behave in a 'crazy' way. This fear makes them nag, scold, pressurize and control us. So, whenever they do these things, just know that it is their way of saying that they love you. It may sound crazy, but it's true.
What Do Our Parents Really Want? Have you thought about what your parents really want? Whatever your parents do or say to you, they do those things because they want something. They don't do them without a reason. Sometimes it seems that our parents want to… • Control our lives 169
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
• • • •
Take away our fun Make our lives miserable (because they are envious) Give us a tough time because they had a tough time Vent their frustrations on us
To be honest, this was what I thought when my dad used to stop me from watching TV,
stopped me from staying overnight at my friend's house, forced me to go for tuition and scolded me when I got lousy grades. However, after understanding my Dad and speaking to thousands of parents, I discovered what ALL parents really want. Are you ready for the answer? What your parents really want is for you to be HAPPY and SUCCESSFUL in the future. They want to see you live a better life than they do, even if it means making short term sacrifices. They take no joy in giving you problems. In fact, most parents hate to scold and stop their kids from doing what they want to do. When they scold you, they feel your hurt (though they may not show it). When they take away what you like (eg. the computer game), they feel bad (though they may not show it). They do all these things because they know they have to, for your future good. They rather you hate them now and be successful in the future, than be happy with them now, but suffer in the long term.
For Parents to Change, We Must Change First Now that we know why our parents act so crazy, does this mean that we should just accept and bear with the situation? The good news is that as you learn the right communication strategies in the next part of the chapter, you will discover that there are ways you can
ts Making Paren Our Partners
170
change your parents! You can turn negative, grumpy, controlling and nagging parents into positive, happy, trusting and encouraging parents. Can this really be done? Yes it can! It begins with first changing yourself. Let me tell you how I changed my own Dad. When I was a lot younger, my dad didn't trust me at all. He was a control freak who didn't allow me to stay over at my friend's house, not even during the school holidays. I had to be home by 9pm everyday, even during my school holidays. I was really envious that some of my friends could stay over during parties at chalets, but I couldn't. I felt that it was really unfair. When I asked him why I couldn't stay over, he would say, 'Why must you stay overnight? You will get into trouble!' 'Better to come home'. I just didn't understand why he couldn't trust me. Every time I asked him to trust me, the answer would always be 'NO'. One day, I was sharing my predicament with my uncle, who happened to be a psychologist. ' Can I change my father's attitude towards me?', I asked. 'Of course', He said. 'But to change your dad, you must first change yourself'. At first, I didn't understand what he meant. Then he told me: 'You teach your parents how to treat you'. 'If your dad doesn't trust you, it's because you taught him not to trust you through your past actions'. When he asked me to think of how I have always behaved, I began to realize it was true. For example, although my curfew was 9pm, I never stuck to his rule. I would always come back after 9.30pm, and I never called to say 171
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
I would be late. By doing this, I taught him that I was 'irresponsible'. Although Dad didn't allow me to watch TV before he came home from work, I would secretly watch, then lie that I was doing my homework. However, he would always find out, as he could feel the still-warm TV set when he got home. Again, by doing things behind his back, I taught him that I couldn't be trusted. My uncle then told me: ‘If you want your father to trust you, you have to teach him that you can be trusted by acting in a different way’. So I took his advice and decided to totally change my behaviour. I started coming home early, way before 9pm. When my surprised father asked, 'You back so early?', I would reply, 'Yup. I didn't want to be late. Plus, I wanted to do some studying before sleeping'. The first few times, he had a super shocked look on his face, as if spirits had possessed his son. Not only did I stop watching TV when Dad was out (boy, that took a lot of discipline), but I even made sure I finished all my homework before watching TV at night. Here's the amazing part. A couple of months later, I was out for a party at a friend's place. When I called my Dad to tell him that I was on my way home, he told me that I could stay over and come back first thing in the morning! It had worked!!! My story gets better. After I decided to take my studies seriously and used all the powerful learning strategies, I started getting straight 'A's for my tests. When I started to get good results consistently, my Dad stopped nagging altogether. He never again asked me if I had done my homework or had finished studying. When I was in Secondary three (age 15), I started a mobile disco business with my buddies. During weekends and holidays, we would be out doing shows and I would come back at 2am-3am. My friends asked me how come I had such a lenient Dad who allowed me to be a DJ and come back so late. I knew that because I was able to study on my own and do well, I taught him that I was responsible and could handle my own life.
You Teach Your Parents How to Treat You So, I would like to teach you the same powerful lesson that my uncle taught me: you teach your parents how to treat you.
ts Making Paren Our Partners
172
teach your tantrums, you w ro th u yo n • Whe childish. parents you are u teach instructions, yo ow ll fo t n' do u ted. • When yo u cannot be trus e dishonest. your parents yo em that you ar th h ac te u yo • When you lie, d don't finish e all the time an you are irresponsible m ga u yo n he • W teach them that your work, youlf-discipline. at you and have no se u teach them th yo s, lt su re y us t lo • When you geyour life. l ro nt co t n' ca
And so on… So, if you want to change your parents, you must teach them new things about you. You need to change your actions. So, write down what you want to teach your parents about yourself and what new actions you can take. I Want to Teach My Parents
New Actions
I Am… I Am… I Am… I Am…
A final note is to remember to be patient! Change does not happen overnight. If you have been behaving the wrong way for many years, it will take some time for them to believe that your new behaviour is for real and for good. So hang in there….and I promise you, you'll succeed in convincing them.
173
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
6 Strategies to Make Parents into Partners Imagine if your parents no longer have to nag at you, lecture you, or ask you a million irritating questions. Imagine if Mum and Dad trust you enough to let you do what you want. Wouldn't that be great? Well, I am going to show you 6 powerful strategies you can use to build a powerful relationship with them, and turn them into partners. 1
Show Sincere Appreciation
Do your parents have the habit of getting angry and scolding you for every little thing? Do they get irritated easily? Sometimes, the reason they act this way is that they feel lousy inside. Parents too have lots of problems that make them stressed and angry. How would you like to be able to say some 'magic words' that would make them feel great inside? When Mum and Dad feel good inside, they will act a lot nicer towards you. This magic phrase is….THANK YOU. As simple as it sounds, the words 'THANK YOU' are very powerful. Parents often feel angry and hurt because they think we don't care about them and take them for granted. There are lots of things our parents do that we take for granted. They… " Cook for us " Iron our clothes, tidy our room (or pay for a maid to do these chores.) " Fetch us to places " Pay for our school fees, allowances " Buy us toys, games, phones etc… " Provide a home, food and clothes for us " Give us care and love, and a million other things They are doing all these things not because they owe it to us, but because they love us. When you start thanking them for the things they do for you, they will really feel happy and loved. They will begin to open their minds to understand and listen to you more.
ts Making Paren Our Partners
174
So, every time they do something for you, thank them for it sincerely. For example, you could say… ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺
Mum, thank you for cooking me dinner (or for that super restaurant meal). Dad, I know you are busy, thanks for fetching me to school. Thanks for looking after me. I really appreciate it. Even if they scold you, you can say, 'Thanks for caring about me'.
Appreciating our parents doesn't cost us anything, but I can tell you that it means more to them than all the money they earn at work! 2
Be Proactive - Do Things Without Being Told
Do you have parents who nag non-stop? My mum was like that. She would go on and on like a CD skipping a track. 'Have you brushed your teeth? Why are you still sitting there? How come you haven't moved?' 'Drink more water'. 'Switch off the lights'. 'How many times do I need to tell you to switch off the light?' and on and on… Is there a way to stop them from nagging once and for all? Yes! The Answer is to become 'PROACTIVE'. To do things without being told. Start doing things even before they get a chance to tell you to do them. Keep thinking ahead: 'What needs to be done? What would Mum/Dad say?' Then DO IT! When you see the lights on in an empty room, switch them off (even if you were not the one who left them on) Finish all those regular tasks immediately (i.e. finish homework, brush your teeth, tidy your room), before doing anything else. When you see anything in a mess, clean it up.
175
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
$ When you see Dad/Mum coming home with the groceries, run and give him/her a hand $ When Mum or Maid has finished cooking, start to lay out the table. Now, let me share with you another magic phrase that will change their attitude towards you. Go up to your folks and use these magic words:
'Is There Anything I Can Do To Help?' After they have recovered from fainting, they will totally change how they look at you and treat you. If you are 'Proactive', they will see you as someone who is 'independent' and 'responsible'. They will start to trust you a lot more as they know you can do things without being told. 3
Start Talking First Parents get upset when they see us talking to our friends, but not willing to open up to them. What makes it worse is when we give 'one word' answers to their questions: 'Okay'. 'Nothing'. 'Yes'. 'No'. Do you find yourself doing this? I can understand that sometimes talking too much can get us into trouble. Parents may judge us, criticize us, and tell us what to do. That can be pretty irritating. So, after a while, we stop talking.
However, when we stop communicating with them, they will think that we are hiding something. That's when they will start acting crazy and ask a million questions. If you want your folks to understand you better and trust you more, take the initiative to communicate with them! When you get home, tell them a bit about your life. Take an interest in them. Ask them, 'Dad, how was your day?' You won't believe how amazing this strategy is. Once you start talking to them, they will start to trust you a lot more. They will also be less
ts Making Paren Our Partners
176
controlling. By sharing your thoughts and feelings, you will also help them to understand you a lot more. 4
Really Listen When They Speak
When your parents tell you stuff, what do you usually do? Although ‘listening’ sounds simple, most teens don't really listen when their parents are speaking to them. They either… • Do something else and pretend to listen (e.g. fiddle with the phone). • Look away. • Roll their eyes. • Say, 'I know. I know.' • Say, 'Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.' When we pretend to listen, parents can tell. They are not dumb and can read our body language. What happens if we don't really listen when our parents talk? They won't bother to listen to us when we talk! So, if you want them to listen to you, begin first by showing them that you are listening. At the same time, when you don't listen, they will keep on nagging. The next time your parents say something, listen with full attention. Put away any distractions, give them eye contact and acknowledge by nodding your head and saying, 'Yes. I understand.' Again, this may sound simple, but the art of listening is really powerful. It will make your relationship much stronger. 5
Show Them You Understand and Play Win-Win
Sometimes parents can do things that may seem unreasonable and unfair. For example, my father used to disallow me from going out on weekday nights, and wouldn't allow me to get a handphone, even though my friends had one. Sometimes, parents may… / Stop us from going out on weeknights / Stop us from coming home late / Stop us from wearing certain clothes (especially if you are a girl) / Not be happy when we hang around with certain friends.
177
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
/ Stop us from having a girlfriend/ boyfriend / Refuse to buy stuff (clothes, computer games, handphones etc…) / Turn down our request for more money Our parents grew up in a different time and place (when the dinosaurs roamed the Earth…just kidding!) so you can bet that there will be times when their opinions and ideas will differ from ours. My father freaked out when I started going steady with a girlfriend at age 15. After I finished Junior College, I very much wanted to study Business and become an entrepreneur. My Dad wanted me to study a professional course such as Engineering and get a steady government job. He kept telling me that a general degree was useless and that doing business was too risky. So, what should we do when we get into disagreements with our parents? How can we change their mindsets when they get unreasonable? Well, we have two choices. Choice #1: Argue That We Are Right Most teens choose to argue that they are right and their parents are wrong. They think that by arguing, they can convince their parents to change their minds. “It's not fair!” “Why can't I do this?” “ Everyone else is doing it, why can't I?” The problem with doing this is that the more you argue that you are right, the more defensive your parents will get. When you pick up your sword, they too will pick up their sword and start to duel. The more you go against them, the more they will not give in. When most teens find that they cannot win the argument, they will sulk, roll their eyes, walk away, throw a tantrum and refuse to talk. Doing this only makes the relationship worse. Your parents will think you are rebellious and immature, and it is unlikely they will give in to you.
ts Making Paren Our Partners
178
Choice #2: Understand Them And Seek A Win-Win Solution If you want to win your parents over to your way of thinking, seek to understand them first! When you show you understand them, they will be more open to understand you. There is always a good reason for what they do. Usually, they do certain things because they are worried or afraid of something. When you show that you understand their intention and meet their needs, they will more willingly give you what you want. For example, if your parents disallow you to stay overnight at a chalet or friend's place, what do you think are their intentions? What are they worried about? You can guess that they are worried you might get in trouble. What they want is for you to be safe. So, how can you meet their needs and still get what you want? First, tell them you understand their intentions. Then find a win-win solution where you can allay their fears and still get what you want. For example, you could say, 'Mum, I know you may be worried that I may not sleep and get into trouble. However, I really hope you can trust me to take care of myself. Would it be okay if I gave you the phone number of my friend's place, and have my friend's mum talk to you?' By showing you understand and by being willing to find a way to address your Mum's fears, there is a higher chance she will let you go. Of course, this may not always work. If she still insists on not giving you what you want, avoid showing your anger or unhappiness (although it's very tempting). Instead, just say okay and tell her you understand. By behaving in a mature way, she will begin to re-think and there is a much greater chance that she will begin to trust you/your maturity and give you that chance the next time. 6
When You Are Wrong, Apologize!
The final strategy is to learn how to apologize when you are in the wrong. Whenever your folks reprimand you for a mistake you make, do your best not to give excuses, blame, argue back or show a black face. 179
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Again, by doing so, you only teach them that you are childish and have not learned from your mistake. Arguing back and denying your mistake will only get them to scold and nag at you even more. Be the bigger person and just say, 'Sorry, I won't do it again'. Apologizing does not mean that you lose and they win. It really takes someone with courage to apologize. Doing so will strengthen their trust in you for the future.
Building the Relationship Bank Account The relationship with your parents works just like a bank account. I call this your 'Relationship Bank Account'. The amount of 'money' you have in this account represents the level of trust and confidence your parents have in you. When your account is full, it means your relationship is healthy. However, when your account becomes empty or negative, your parents may start to distrust you. This will lead to fights, quarrels and unhappiness. The way to keep your relationship account full is to make regular 'deposits'. These are things you do that make your relationship with mum and dad stronger and stronger. You make deposits into your account when: ☺ You tell the truth ☺ You do important things without being told ☺ You appreciate them. i.e. 'Say thank you' ☺ You spend time communicating with them ☺ You offer your help ☺ You are polite When you make your account positive with all these deposits, you will find that your parents will trust you more, stop nagging at you, be more willing to listen and give you more freedom. ts Making Paren Our Partners
180
However, we may sometimes do things that weaken our relationship with our parents. These are what I call 'withdrawals'. As the case with a bank account, the more withdrawals we make, the less we will have in our relationship account. You make withdrawals when: / You are dishonest or lie / You forget or don't bother to do important things / You only do things after lots of nagging / You keep to yourself and close up / You throw tantrums or sulk / You are rude or argue back When your relationship account becomes negative, your parents will have little or no trust in you. You will start to have lots of problems with them. They will start to nag at you, scold you, question you or even restrict you.
Start Building Your Account Today So, if you find that your relationship with your parents is not going too well right now, then make the choice to change how they feel about you. Resolve to start building up your relationship account. Start making more and more deposits, until your account goes from negative to positive. It may take some time, but with enough determination you can make your parents give you the trust you deserve. It's a win-win all the way !
181
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
CHAPTER
TEN
THE BIG SECRET TO SCORING 'A'S [PART I]
CHAPTER
TEN
The Big Secret to Scoring 'A's [Part I]
Can you really score straight 'A's in your examinations and get into any university faculty of your choice, while still enjoying your life? If you have been getting average scores such as Cs and Ds for most of your academic life, you probably think that this would be an impossible dream. Unfortunately, most of us find it difficult to motivate ourselves to actually sit down and study, let alone find the drive to sit through hours and hours of ploughing through 'boring' content.
“I Am Just Not Smart Enough” Has this ever crossed your mind before? Back in Primary school, I used to think the same way myself. I found it difficult to understand and follow up on what my teacher was mumbling about in class. As a result, I spent most of my time playing around in class with my friends, chatting away and doing silly things to pass the time. As a result, I would walk out of the classroom not understanding or remembering much of what had been taught. When it came to homework, I felt really dumb not being able to answer the questions. After a while, I would simply copy the answers from “smarter” friends just before handing the assignments in. When it came close to the examinations, I used to get so overwhelmed by the amount I had to study that I would procrastinate till the very last minute. During the times when I did try to read my notes, I would get so bored that I would either fall asleep or end up in front of my computer games instead. During the examinations, I used to get so nervous that I inevitably forgot whatever what little I had studied. Even if I knew the answer, my 185
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
carelessness would hinder me from doing well. No matter how hard I had studied the night before, I would go blank on the actual day. After some time, I simply accepted the fact that I was just not smart enough to do well in school.
'A' Students - Are They From A Different Planet? I never really liked those smart students in my class. They were the ones who always had the right answers for the teachers in class. They were the ones who played a lot and did not study much, yet consistently did better than most people in class. We had names for this type of people : “nerd”, “weirdo”, “smart-aleck”, and the list went on and on. Hands up if you do not like these guys. At the same time, how many of us secretly wish that we could be them, play a lot yet do well in school? That would mean having the best of both worlds. Sometimes I wondered if those 'A' students came from another planet. They seemed to be born with superior brains and always had time for other things, such as sports and recreation. They are the ones who get upset when they do not get an 'A', while the others, like us, wonder if we can even pass the next examination.
Uncovering the Secrets of 'A' Students I stumbled upon the secret when I started hanging out with these smarter friends of mine. I discovered that these top students were NOT from another planet after all, nor were they born with extraordinary brains. These students who scored straight 'A's were NOT smarter. They just knew how to study in a SMARTER WAY! If you are tired of studying hard and still struggling to get good results, then this chapter is the one for you. Read on to find out how I have used this secret to achieve extraordinary results in school, and how you can do the same.
“ I Did Not Study”- The Biggest Lie Ever Told Every time an exam or a test comes around, we usually mug for hours the night before and try our best to cram as much information we can into our et to The Big Secr rt I] [Pa Scoring 'A's
186
brains. The next day when we reach school, we usually check out our “competitors” by asking them if they managed to study the night before. The usual answer is “Of course not! I did not have time to study!” Next time you hear some of those 'smart' friends say that they did not study for the exams, don't believe them! They are out to fool you. You might wonder to yourself: “They really do not seem to study very much before the examinations, so it must be true.” The actual reason is that top students do not study the way average students do. Average students tend to put off studying until just a few weeks (or days) before the examinations. During the school year, they spend very little time following the lessons or absorbing the information. As a result, they end up cramming the entire year's work (10 months) into a few weeks. It is like taking a year's worth of food and finishing it within one meal. While it seems that you are studying 'very hard' before the exams, this approach often leads to high stress and lousy grades. The Way Average Students Study
Study
Studying just before the exam = High Stress
Beginning of term
Exam date
+ Lousy grades
Time
Top students, on the other hand, take on a much easier and more effective strategy. They believe that studying for the year-end exams doesn't begin just a few weeks prior to the “E” day. 187
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Studying actually begins on the first day of school. It is something that is done consistently every single day, before and after the lesson has been taught. By diligently studying a chapter a week, top students finish understanding, remembering and practicing all 20+ chapters by the time the exam draws near. This is why they don't seem to have to study much before the exams, yet brilliantly get straight 'A's! The Way Top Students Study
Study
Studying consistently throughout the year = Low Stress + Good grades
Beginning of term
The SMART Study Formula So how exactly do you study consistently throughout the year and balance studying with enjoying the other aspects of your life? By carefully observing the behaviour and learning the secrets of top students, I have discovered that they all follow a particular formula that allows them to score 'A's easily. Let me now reveal to you the SMART study formula.
et to The Big Secr rt I] [Pa Scoring 'A's
188
Exam date
Time
This 'SMART Study Formula' is made up of Six Master Steps: SMART Study Formula Master Step 1: Scan the Chapter “Before” the Lesson Master Step 2: Search for the Key Words Master Step 3: Create Personalized Whole Brain Notes Master Step 4: Unleash Your Memory Potential Master Step 5: Master Application Master Step 6: Revise for High Retention & Recall Further in this chapter I will show you how you can apply each master step to your studies to get the results that you want. If you are ready to score your 'As' the SMART way, then let's begin our journey. Master Step 1: Scan the Chapter “Before” the Lesson Does this happen to you in class? Your teacher starts teaching and initially you can understand what is being taught. After 10-15 minutes though, she says something confusing and you find it hard to follow the lesson. The next thing you know, you lose concentration and your mind begins to wonder off to another world. When you walk out of the class, you have only absorbed up to 10%-20% of what was being taught. One week later, less than 1% stays in your brain. As the school year progresses, there are more and more things that you do not understand. By the time the exams arrive, you find that you have no time to review all that has been taught. If this is something that keeps happening to you, do not worry. It is perfectly normal. So, how do top students understand and remember more than 80% of what is taught in class, and keep their memory sharp all the way to the exams?
Scan The Chapter Before the Lesson Begins The secret is that these smart students scan the chapter before the teacher begins the lesson. By reading the chapter first, you will find it much easier to understand and follow as the teacher goes through the lesson.
189
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Instead of taking the information in as the teacher teaches, pre-reading helps to create a framework so that information taught in class is placed within a given structure rather than aimlessly deposited in your brain. It is like watching the trailer before watching the actual movie. It helps to give you associations so that you can follow the storyline better, rather than guessing what the plot could possibly be. Do smart students understand everything when they read the chapter the first time? Of course not! They use the lesson as an opportunity to ask questions about things they are confused about. They keep asking until they understand everything in the chapter. So rather than trying to make sense of what is being taught, these students use the opportunity to LEARN so that they do not need to “study” when they are at home. Through consistent habits, they will be super prepared when the examinations come.
How Do You Scan the Chapter? So how do you scan the chapter quickly and effectively? First, read the learning objectives, summary and sample questions (usually found at the end of the chapter). This allows you to focus your attention on the right details. The second step involves reading the sub headings of the chapter. This will give you a general idea of what the chapter is talking about and how the author organizes the information. After you have done this, it is time to actually read the specific words in the chapter. What really helps is to use a pen/pencil to guide your eyes down the page as you read. Using a pen as a guide increases your focus and reading speed. As you read on, jot down ideas, questions and comments. You can then ask these questions later in class and write down your ideas in your notes.
et to The Big Secr rt I] [Pa Scoring 'A's
190
MASTER STEP ONE • Scan the chapter before each lesson • Read the objectives, summary and sample questions first. • Scan through the sub-headings • Use a pen to guide your eyes as you read • Jot down questions, comments and ideas as you read. Master Step 2: Search for the Key Words What if I told you that top students revise 80% LESS than average students do, and still score 'A's? Imagine having to revise only 1-2 pages per chapter, while your friends have to plough through stacks and stacks of notes and materials. If you are interested to find out how to do this, read on. Smart students know that NOT ALL the words in the textbook or teacher's notes are important or relevant. In fact, only 20% of the words give you the information you need to score an 'A'. These are called 'Key Words'. In most reading, they are usually found as nouns, verbs, adverbs and adjectives.
20% Key words Contain all the information needed to score an ‘A’ - Verbs - Nouns - Adverbs - Adjectives
80% Non-Key words Used to connect Keywords Contain insignificant info • E.g. is, of, the, at, in, by
The remaining 80% of the words in the chapter do not contain any important information. They are simply there to connect the keywords into grammatically correct sentences. These include words such as “is”, “of”, “a”, “the”, ”an” etc.
191
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Let me show you an example. Let's imagine you had to learn this paragraph on “The Brain”. Go ahead and read it now. The Brain For some time, based on numerous research materials, it has been known by many that the human brain can be divided into two separate parts: the left brain and the right brain. It has also been made known that the left brain controls the right side of the body and that the right brain controls the left side of the body. It has also been discovered that when the left brain is severely damaged, it will cause the right side of the body to become paralyzed. Similarly, if the right brain is badly damaged, it will cause the left side of the body to become paralyzed. In other words, damage to one side of the brain will cause the corresponding side of the body to become paralyzed. Total: 127 words As you can see, you had to read a total of 127 words to acquire the information. However, out of the 127 words, you can see that only 20% actually give you the information. These are the underlined key words. If fact, just take a look at the keywords I have pulled out below and see if they still give you 100% of the information. The Brain (Key Words Only) human brain divided two parts. left right. left brain controls right side body right brain controls left side. left brain damaged, cause right side body paralyzed. Vice Versa Total: 28 words
et to The Big Secr rt I] [Pa Scoring 'A's
192
How about the remaining 80%, the non-Key Words? Well, take a look at them below and you will see that reading these remaining 88 words gives you zero information! The Brain (Non-Key Words Only) For some time based on numerous research materials, it has been known by many that the can be into separate, the brain and the brain. It has also been made known that the of the and that the the of the. It has also been discovered that when the is severely, it will the of the to become. Similarly, if the is badly, it will cause the of the to become. In other words, to one side of the will cause the corresponding side of the to become. Total: 88 words
Reduce Your Revision Time by 80%! How can you use this knowledge to make studying faster and easier? Smart students know that they have to read 100% of the words in the textbook just once. As they do so, they find and circle the Key Words. They then just use the 20% Key Words to make notes (that's the next master step). This way, 20 pages of words in a chapter can be reduced to just 4 pages of notes! This makes revising from notes a whole lot easier.
Activity Time: Apply What You Have Learned! The best way to understand and master this strategy is to practice it. So you may want to carry out the next activity before continuing. Pick a chapter from any subject that you are currently studying. Then grab a pen/pencil and scan through the chapter (Master Step 1). As you do, circle the Key Words found in the learning objectives, summary, questions and actual content (Master Step 2). Go ahead and test it out and see how useful it can be for you! MASTER STEP TWO • Find & extract the Key Words from the textbook & teacher's notes • Key Words make up only 20% of the text, but give 100% of the information
193
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Master Step 3: Make Whole Brain Notes Average students tend to study and revise straight from the textbook or their teacher's notes. This takes up a lot of time and makes it difficult to remember the information. On the other hand, top students consistently make their own notes for every chapter right after a lesson has been taught. Their notes combine all the Key Words of the important points from the textbook and the teacher's notes. In other words, making your own notes right after your teacher has taught the lesson is really useful because it: a) Saves You Time By using only Key Words in making your own notes, you will reduce your revision time by 80%. You will be learning up to five times faster than everyone else. b) Makes it Easier to Understand Making your own notes helps you to understand the concepts a lot better. This happens because making notes allows you to re-organize the information in a way that your brain best understands. c) Increases Your Memory Power By making your own personalized Whole Brain Notes that activate both sides of your brain, your ability to remember all the important facts can increase by up to 300%!
The Trouble with Normal Linear Notes Many students tend to make notes in the conventional linear style. This means that the information is written in sentences, line by line down a page. While this is the most common way to make notes, it doesn't make your brain very happy. The trouble with linear notes is that they do not fully unleash your brain's potential and enable you to understand and remember well. At the same time, writing words alone makes studying really boring.
et to The Big Secr rt I] [Pa Scoring 'A's
194
You see, your brain is made up of two parts, the left-brain and the rightbrain. The two sides of your brain deal with very different kinds of information. Here is a quick look at your left and right brain functions.
Most students find it difficult to understand and remember information because they only activate their 'left brain' in learning. When you study from linear notes, your brain only gets to deal with 'logic', 'linearity', 'facts', 'words' (i.e. all the left brain stuff). There are no pictures or creative elements to activate your right-brain. As a result, you only use half of your brain's potential. What's worse is that when you ignore your right-brain in learning, it will get distracted and cause you to daydream, doodle aimlessly and move around.
Making Notes The Whole Brain Way Is there a way to make notes that activates both sides of your brain at the same time? Absolutely! By making whole brain notes, you will find that your brain will be able to understand and memorize much faster (by up to 500%), as learning becomes a lot more fun. Whole Brain Notes is a way of making notes that follows the PACOOK principle. PACOOK stands for: Pictures, Association, Colour, Outstanding features, Overview and Keywords.
195
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
The Power of PACOOK So, why does PACOOK help your brain to learn so much faster? Let's find out… Pictures Your brain recalls pictures much better than words. Pictures activate your right-brain and tend to stick in your mind. They can also help reduce the number of words that you need to remember. Association By using arrows, lines and boxes, Whole Brain Notes allows you to make strong associations/connections between information! This helps in understanding and recall. Colours Colours activate your right-brain and can increase your memory by up to 50%! Outstanding Your brain tends to forget boring information and remembers information that is presented in an outstanding, creative or funny way. Whole Brain Notes lets you use different pictures, colours, shapes and a variety of fonts to make the facts stand out. Overview Whole Brain Notes gives you an overview of how all the points are connected together on one page. Isn't it easier to understand everything you have learned if it is shown on one page as compared to 20 pages? Key Words Again, using only keywords in making Whole Brain Notes cuts down your learning time by up to 80%.
Type of Whole Brain Notes There are many versions of Whole Brain Notes you can use for different kinds of subjects. In this book, we will focus our attention on four distinct types of Whole Brain Notes:
et to The Big Secr rt I] [Pa Scoring 'A's
196
1) Key Idea Tree™ (KIT™) This is useful for condensing into Key Words information from content heavy subjects such as humanities and sciences. Here is what a KIT looks like:
2) Cluster Maps This type of Whole Brain Notes is similar to a Key Idea Tree, except that it uses short sentences rather than just Key Words. The information is bounded by boxes, bubbles and other shapes, and linked to other ideas using lines and arrows. Cluster maps can be used for most subjects, ranging from information intensive subjects such Geography & History to application based subjects such as Mathematics.
197
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
3) Picture Diagrams As they say, “a picture paints a thousand words.” Information can be represented using a combination of pictures and limited number of words the Key Ideas, This can be used for subjects such as Biology or Geography, where diagrams are part of the syllabus. 4) Timelines When information is presented in a chronological order, timelines might be the ideal choice. For subjects such as History, Literature or Social Studies, where you need to remember a chronology of events, you can use a Time Line to illustrate all the different points in time and the events that happened each moment. Keywords are placed on branches that are connected to each important date in the timeline.
et to The Big Secr rt I] [Pa Scoring 'A's
198
While Key Idea Trees (KITs), Cluster Maps, Picture Diagrams and Timeline are all different, they all work to activate your whole brain in learning. They all use the PACOOK principles.
Steps to Making a Key Idea Tree™ The KIT™ is one of the most effective kinds of whole brain note making techniques. To remember this concept better, just think about how you can construct a tree from the ground up, while looking at it from a top-down view. There are four steps to drawing a KIT™ Step 1: Begin with the Root Step 2: Expand using the Stems Step 3: Add in the Branches & Leaves Step 4: Finish it off with a variety of “Flowers” Let's go through each of these 4 steps in detail: 199
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Step 1: Begin with the Root It is suggested that the KIT™ be drawn using a landscape format because it helps to activate the right brain function, while creating more space for you to add your details. Draw the topic of the chapter in the centre of the paper. This will form the root or foundation for the entire chapter. The root should take the form of a symbolic picture that will help you identify the chapter easily. It should not be any bigger than a quarter of your palm. For example, if you are making notes on the chapter 'Three States of Matter', draw the title in the centre.
Step 2: Expand Using the Stems The next step is to expand the root by adding the stems. These stems are sub-headings within the chapter you are studying. Attach each one around the root (centre topic). Let us assume that in the chapter 'Three States of Matter', there are three sub-headings: 'Solids', 'Liquids' and 'Gases.' As shown below, we draw the sub-headings in CAPITAL LETTERS and place them on thick branches to make them outstanding (since the stem is usually thicker than other parts of the tree).
et to The Big Secr rt I] [Pa Scoring 'A's
200
Step 3: Add the Branches and the Leaves Starting with the first stem, add in the branches and the leaves. Only after you have finished the branches and leaves should you move on to the next stem. This is to help you to allocate sufficient space for the entire KIT™. You can see from the example below how the important points (branches and leaves) were added onto the stem. As we all recall, branches are usually brown and leaves are usually green. So when you are radiating ideas from the stem to the branches and leaves, do switch colours every time you create a new set of leaves from a particular branch. Notice that only Key Words, symbols and pictures are used in the sample sub-heading called “solids”. This saves you time and makes the information easier to remember.
201
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
You can also see how the Key Words are written on tree-like branches that radiate from the centre outwards. Here are a few rules of KIT™s: a) A maximum of one Key Word is written on one line. In this way, more key words can be branched from every key word. It also helps you to identify the number of Key Words you have to remember. b) Branches on trees never grow vertically or horizontally, and the same goes for your KIT™. Branches should radiate in an angular format. c) All the branches that radiate from one point have the same colour. In this way, all the same groups of information share the same colour. This helps your brain to remember much better using natural association. d) Do be purposeful about how you use your colours. For example, level 1-branches could be red; level 2-branches could be blue etc. Step 4: Finish Off With A Variety of “Flowers” Using pictures to represent certain key words in your KIT™ can allow for instant recall. At the same time, using “flowers” to help you beautify your KIT™ makes learning a more enjoyable experience. Below is the completed KIT™ of the whole chapter.
You might notice that in a KIT™, the content begins in the centre and radiates outwards. It is also written in a left to right format and read in a clockwise fashion.
et to The Big Secr rt I] [Pa Scoring 'A's
202
Activity Time! Now that you have learned how to do a KIT, it is time for you to put this powerful method into practice. Grab a set of colour pens and a piece of art paper (A4 or A3). Shown below is a sample passage. Start off by circling the key words & ideas; do keep in mind the techniques you learned in Master Steps 1 and 2. After you are done gathering the keywords, create your own KIT™. Sample Passage: Strategies on managing stress levels Every day we face some form of stress, from stress related to rushing homework deadlines, to examination stress. It has become part and parcel of how we live our lives. Many find means and ways to get rid of it, such as watching TV programs, playing online games or even sleeping. These measures only provide short term relief from the harsh realities of the world, as we merely dwell in an artificial paradise for awhile, avoiding the hustle and bustle of our life in school. Is it necessarily a good thing to have no stress in your life at all? Neuroscientists believe that no stress can actually lead to more stress, as our bodies will find it difficult to adapt if stress levels suddenly increase. By regularly exposing ourselves to healthy stress, we condition our minds and bodies to handle sudden peaks in stress levels. Healthy stress is known as eustress, while unhealthy stress levels are labeled distress. Our bodies act like a spring, moving from normal levels to healthy levels. People who are perpetually under stress will move from healthy stress to unhealthy stress, and this can lead to impaired learning, imbalanced emotions, physical distress and even mental breakdowns. So how can we handle stress in a more productive, effective and purposeful manner? Here are 5 tips you can use to help you manage the stress levels you face in your life: Proper Time Management - Plan your study schedule realistically and follow it. Study in 2 hour blocks, and rest for 5 minutes every 25 minutes of studying. - Start revision early. You should revise 3 rounds to be prepared for the examinations. - Reward yourself after completing your plan e.g. 1 hour of computer games for every 3 hours of study time or every 3 chapters completed.
203
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Create an optimal study environment - Organize your table and room by keeping your table clear and room free of distractions such as bed, TV, computers etc. - Proper lighting to be used: light and a combination of white and yellow light. - Optimal room temperature should range from 19 degree Celsius to 23 degree Celsius. - Play soothing background music to help your mind relax while studying. You can use baroque music or new age music. Sufficient sleep - Sleeping 7 to 8 hours a day helps to develop REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, which helps the brain organize information and enhances learning. - Sleep is crucial for long-term memory, which requires complex learning. - Take power naps in the afternoon for a maximum of 20 minutes. Taking longer than that will deepen your sleep, making it harder to awake and affecting your ability to fall asleep at night. Balanced diet - Eating a balanced diet is essential for healthy stress levels. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day because it kick starts your body by giving it the necessary resources to function. For your brain to be activated normally, it has to get its resources externally. Do consume more proteins than carbohydrates to help digestion. - Reduce caffeine intake as it increases your adrenalin, which will increase stress levels. - Drinking water helps to regulate stress levels. Take sufficient amounts for optimal performance; taking too much might lead to harmful effects. Exercise regularly - Exercise helps to regulate your stress levels through relaxing tense muscles, aids sleeping, circulates blood flow and releases chemicals called endorphins into your blood stream, giving you a feeling of happiness. It also improves resistance, enabling you to cope with the long-term effects of stress.
et to The Big Secr rt I] [Pa Scoring 'A's
204
Draw your Key-Idea Tree here!
205
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
MASTER STEP THREE • Whole Brain Notes activate both sides of your brain & boosts your brain power • Different types of Whole Brain Notes for different subjects • Four steps to making a Key Idea Tree™ I hope you have found the first three steps useful. In the next chapter, we will discover the next three steps of the SMART, study formula: 'unleash your memory potential', 'master application and 'revise for high retention and recall'. See you on the next page.
et to The Big Secr rt I] [Pa Scoring 'A's
206
CHAPTER
ELEVEN
THE BIG SECRET TO SCORING 'A'S (PART II)
CHAPTER
ELEVEN
The Big Secret to Scoring 'A's (Part II)
Welcome to the second part of the lesson on becoming an 'A' student. In the last chapter, you learned that top students consistently pre-read the chapters before the lesson (Master step 1), gather keywords (Master Step 2) and make personalized Whole Brain Notes (Master step 3). Once you have made your notes, the next step is to memorize ALL the information so you can recall it quickly in the exam. Here is where most students face great pain and frustrations. Do you also find that it takes a lot of time to get all the facts glued to your brain? Do you go 'blank' during exams and fail to recall 100% of the information, even after going through your notes a few times? If this happens to you, don't worry! There is nothing wrong with your brain's memory cells! It is not because your brain's hard disk is full, nor because you have too little 'RAM' or 'Megabytes'. Research has shown that all of us possess a powerful memory.
There is No Such Thing As A Bad Memory, Only a Bad Memory Strategy The only reason why you cannot remember something well is that you have not activated your brain's memory power. The problem is that most of us use a wrong memory strategy. Think about this. How do you normally remember something? Most people just repeat the words in their head over and over again. Some students keep writing down the points until they can remember them. Unfortunately, this boring way of remembering only uses your left brain. The secret to activating your brain's memory power is to activate both sides of your brain! In fact, it is your right brain that holds the key to a super memory! So let us find out in the next step how we can enhance our memory skills.
209
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Master Step 4: Unleash your Memory potential Is there something that happened to you many years ago that you still recall very clearly? Maybe a funny joke, the words of your favourite song, or a family holiday? Have you also experienced forgetting something in less than five minutes, for instance a person’s name right after hearing it? Why does this happen? Why does our memory seem to last in some cases, but fail in others? The secret is that there are certain factors that activate your memory power. When you use the right 'Keys of Memory', you will find that you can remember and retain facts very easily. Here are the 5 Keys to activating your Powerful Memory:
5 Memory Keys in KIT™ Form Memory Key 1: Visualization If I were to ask you to close your eyes and think of a car, would you see a picture of a car in your mind, or would you see the words 'C.A.R.'? You would see the picture of a car, right? The point here is that our brain usually thinks in pictures. This is why our brain remembers pictures a lot easier than words. The reason why we tend to forget what we have studied is that our books and notes tend to be made up of lots of facts and figures, with very few or no pictures at all. This is why 'Whole Brain Notes' and diagrams are much easier to remember. It is because they are made up of meaningful pictures. The first secret to memory is 'visualization', which means you have to imagine a picture in your mind of whatever you want to remember. So, if you want to remember how food digests in your digestive system, you have to imagine seeing pictures of the process in your mind just like a movie. Also, we tend to remember colourful pictures better, which is why it is important to add lots of colours to your Whole Brain Notes.
et to The Big Secr rt II) (Pa Scoring 'A's
210
Memory Key 2: Association The second key to memory is Association. We remember things when they are somehow 'associated' or 'connected' in some way. In the next section, you can learn how to associate many words or sentences together so you can recall them effortlessly in your examinations. Memory Key 3: Outstanding & Absurd Our brain tends to forget what is ordinary and boring & only remember what is outstanding and out of the ordinary (absurd). You would probably have forgotten all the different cakes you may have had on your birthdays. However, if there were a birthday when your cake was made up of baked cockroaches and lizard's tails, wouldn't you remember it for the rest of your life? The reason why we tend to forget stuff the in our textbooks so easily is that it is usually presented in a way that is not outstanding, it is difficult to associate, and most of all, it is presented in words and figures. In the next section you will learn how to turn even the most boring facts into something outstanding and absurd, so that they will stick in your mind. Memory Key 4: Emotions We tend to remember things that have strong emotions attached to them. For example, you tend to remember things that are really funny, make you feel really good, or are really scary. Can you recall what your teacher shared with you last month on the first Monday? You probably can't, because in class most of us are either detached from our emotions, or bored to death. Positive emotions can help you learn more effectively, which is why you need to make studying a really fun, funny and exciting process. It may sound crazy, but in the next few pages you will learn exactly how to do this. Stay tuned! 211
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Memory Key 5: Rhythm Do you still remember all 26 letters of the alphabet? How about the lyrics of your favourite song? The reason why you can so effortlessly remember these things is that all the words and letters were connected together by a rhythm. Listening to instrumental background music while learning can actually help you remember your study materials a lot better. In the next section, you will find that playing music or sound effects in your mind while remembering key words and phrases also strengthens your memory.
The Link System So, how can you make use of all the 5 Memory Keys to remember numerous words and facts? Let me show you the first technique, called the Link System. The link system is a powerful technique you can use to remember a list of words or items. Let's begin by first assessing your current memory potential. Do your best to memorize the 30 words below in 4 minutes, without writing them down. Doing this exercise right now before reading on can help you to understand your brain better.
et to The Big Secr rt II) (Pa Scoring 'A's
1) World Cup
11) Fan
21) Bun
2) Cosmopolitan
12) Hair
22) Shoe
3) Coffee cup
13) Glucose
23) Tree
4) Hyperbola
14) Detective
24) Dorr
5) Chambermaid
15) Microwave Oven
25) Hive
6) Umbrella
16) Mobile phone
26) Sticks
7) Fluorine
17) Japan
27) Heaven
8) Bean Stalk
18) Management
28) Gate
9) Photosynthesis
19) Lungs
29) Wine
10) Watermelon
20) Parachute
30) Hen
212
Now, do your best to write down as many words as you can from your memory bank, in sequence, without looking at the list. Do it right now in the blank spaces provided! _________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
How many words were you able to recall after 4 minutes? Most people can only recall between 6-9 words in sequence. Do you think it is possible to recall all 30 words in sequence by going through them just once? You might be shaking your head right now, thinking it would be impossible if you were to just 'read' the words in your head. When you use the 5 Keys to activate your Memory, you will find that remembering the list of words becomes a breeze. Now, you will learn how you can use 'Visualization', 'Association', 'Emotions', Rhythm' and 'Absurdity' to remember these 30 words. Just relax, get ready to have fun and use your imagination…
213
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Are you ready? Just follow the instructions below: Imagine that you see a 10-foot tall golden WORLD CUP. Now imagine that the world cup is holding a COSMOPOLITAN magazine in one hand. In the other hand, it is holding a COFFEE CUP. On the coffee cup rests a huge HYPERACTIVE BALL (sounds like 'HYPERBOLA'). The ball shoots off and hits a CHAMBERMAID, who drops her rainbow coloured UMBRELLA. On the tip of the umbrella, a flower pops out and urinates on the ground (sounds like FLUORINE). The urine fertilizes the ground and out grows a gigantic green BEAN STALK. Pasted on the bean stalk is a photo of your sister (sounds like PHOTOSYNTHESIS). In the photo, your sister is holding a huge WATERMELON. She peels the WATERMELON and the skin turns into a FAN that blows away all her HAIR. The hair flies away and gets glued onto a ghost (sounds like GLUCOSE). The ghost is then caught by a DETECTIVE, who throws it into the MICROWAVE OVEN. In the oven, the ghost insists on calling it’s lawyer, so it steals a MOBILE PHONE from a JAPANESE manager (reminds you of MANAGEMENT). The manager screams until his LUNGS jump out. The lungs are seen PARACHUTING down to earth. For memorizing the rest of the words, we will use the power of 'Rhythm'. Imagine that on the PARACHUTE you see the numbers '1,2,3,4'. '1' rhymes with BUN. '2' rhymes with SHOE. '3' rhymes with TREE. '4' rhymes with DOOR. Next, imagine that when you open the DOOR, you see a bee HIVE. You hit the HIVE with a STICK. The bees come out and sting you. You die and go to HEAVEN. In heaven, you see the pearly GATEs. You open the GATE and see a glass of WINE. You drink the WINE and transform into a HEN! Now, close your eyes and imagine this ridiculous story playing like a movie in your mind. As you visualize the absurd pictures, imagine playing circus music in the background and even adding in dramatic sound effects!
et to The Big Secr rt II) (Pa Scoring 'A's
214
Was that a lot more fun? Now, write down all 30 words in sequence. _________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
_________________________
215
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Were you able to remember the list of words better this time? Why? Because you activated your brain's memory power! You have just used the power of your imagination to visualize pictures instead of words and associated them all together using an absurd, outstanding and funny story filled with positive emotions and rhythm. This is just the tip of the ice-berg! A list of 30 words is really no big deal at all. In the 'I Am Gifted!' program, students are taught how to remember up to 100 words in sequence in just a few minutes. So, in order to remember a list of words, you need to Step 1: VISUALIZE the words that you need to remember Step 2: ASSOCIATE the pictures using a funny and absurd story You can also apply the 5 Keys to Memory to learning and memorizing more complex subjects such as foreign languages, dates from social studies and history, formulas from your physics, chemistry or mathematics, important points from your sciences and humanities, essays, and so much more.
The Similar Sound Technique Remember that to memorize something easily, you have to visualize it in your mind, or draw it in your notes. Your brain remembers pictures a 100 times better than words. But what if you have to remember something that is almost impossible to visualize? For example, how do you make a picture of 'Sodium II Bicarbonate' or 'Pythagoras theorem'? To do this, we use a technique called the 'Similar Sound Technique' (SST). You can use the SST to turn any abstract word into a picture that is easy to visualize. For example, during the 30-word list, you came across the word 'Fluorine'. Break the word up into 'Fluo' and 'Rine' and find a picture of a word/phrase that rhymes with it. So, 'Fluo' 'Rine' sounds like 'Flower Urine'. By visualizing a flower urinating, you will find it harder to forget, won’t you?
et to The Big Secr rt II) (Pa Scoring 'A's
216
Let's now apply the SST. Look at the list of abstract words below and do your best to create pictures that sounds like them. Grab your pen and spend just ten minutes to do this activity.
Abstract Word
Visual Picture
Carbon Silicon Amoeba Europe Nikita Khrushchev Madagascar Roosevelt Anion You will find that the more you practice, the faster and easier it will become. Once you can turn any word into a picture, you will find it easy to remember all those complicated terms that appear in your textbooks & notes. Here is an example of pictures you could have come up with:
Abstract Word
Picture
Carbon
Car Burn
Silicon
Silly Corn
Amoeba
A + Mee + Bar
Europe
U-shaped rope
Nikita Khrushchev
Knee & Guitar Crush the Chef
Madagascar
Mad Gas Car
Roosevelt
Rooster wearing a Belt
Anion
Ant + iron
217
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Linking Main Points Strategy What happens when in preparing for the examinations you have to remember many points, say the 'Factors that Started World War II' in History, or 'The Characteristics of Viruses' in Biology? Again, you can use the link system to remember all these points. The only difference is that you must now remember a sentence instead of just one word. So, before you can visualize and associate, you must first find a keyword or keywords that will remind you of the whole point.
What is a Keyword? A Keyword is the most important word that captures the whole meaning of the sentence. A keyword will remind you of the whole sentence.
Let's see how we can use the Link Main Points Strategy to remember something from Science. Example: Features of an Effective Thermometer 1) Easy to read 2) Safe to use 3) Inexpensive 4) Sensitive to temperature changes 5) Measures a big range of temperatures Step 1: Find the Keywords The first thing to do is to find the keyword (s) that will remind you of the whole point you need to remember. For example, for the main point 'easy to read', the keyword will be just 'read'. The keywords are the ones underlined above. In the title 'Features of an Effective Thermometer', the keywords are just 'Effective Thermometer'. Please note: ALWAYS remember to start off with the topic because it will help you trigger off your memory.
et to The Big Secr rt II) (Pa Scoring 'A's
218
Step 2: Visualize the keywords The next step is to be able to visualize the keywords as pictures in your mind. Remember that for abstract words you can use the 'Similar Sound Technique' to transform them into pictures. So, in this case…
Effective Thermometer (Sounds like 'Fat Teeth Thermometer')
Visualize a thermometer with fat teeth
Read
Visualize someone reading
Safe
Visualize a safe
(Sounds like 'bank safe')
Inexpensive
Visualize a bag of 1-cent coins
Sensitive
Visualize someone crying
Big Range
Visualize a big shooting range
Step 3: Associate The final step is to use your imagination to associate all the pictures in an absurd way. For example, you could visualize a huge thermometer with very fat teeth. The thermometer is READING a book (reminds you of 'easy to read'). As he is flipping the pages, he sees a SAFE on one page (reminds you of 'safe to use'). He opens the safe and sees a bag of 1-cent coins (reminds you of 'inexpensive').
219
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Disappointed, the thermometer starts to cry (reminds you of 'SENSITIVE to temperature changes'). He gets so upset that he goes to a big shooting range to shoot himself (reminds you of 'BIG RANGE') Now close your eyes and play the whole series of pictures in your mind like a movie, and throw in funny sound effects. In the space below, see if you can write down the features of an effective thermometer.
Features of an Effective Thermometer 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)
Was it easy to remember the whole list of points? Using this strategy allows you to remember information in an easy and fun way. In the book written by Adam Khoo, 'I Am Gifted, So Are You!', you will find a lot more memory strategies that can be used to remember new vocabulary, statistical figures, formulas, and dates and facts from many other subjects, ranging from History to Economics. MASTER STEP FOUR • Utilize the 5 Keys to Memory • Mix and Match the 3 tools shared (Link system, Similar Sound Technique, Link Main Points Strategy) to maximize your memory potential
et to The Big Secr rt II) (Pa Scoring 'A's
220
Master Step 5: Mastering Application Now that you have leaned how to activate your memory power to remember all the information in your notes, the next step is to ensure that you can apply what you have learned to the questions in the examinations. Have you ever studied really hard, gone for the exam and found that the questions were asked in a way that you did not know how to answer? Have you ever answered an examination question only to find that you did not get full marks because the topic was not sufficiently covered? Would you like to be able to walk into the examination room and be able to answer every single question that comes out well enough to get an 'A'? If you said YES, then you must go through 'Step 5: Mastering Application'. To Master the Application of what you have learned, you need to take 3 steps.
Three Steps to Mastering Application Step 1: Collect All the Different Types of Questions Many students go for the examinations only to see a question they have never encountered before, and find that they are not able to answer it. Are 'A' students able to understand and answer any question on the spot? Not really. In fact they already know how to answer the questions even before it comes out. To become an 'A' student, you must be prepared to answer every single type of question before it appears in the exam. Is this possible? Of course! For every chapter, there is always a fixed number of question types that can be asked in the examinations. Step 1 involves collecting all the different types of questions that could possibly come out.
221
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
Where do you find all the different types of questions? You can find them in: • Homework assignment questions • Past test papers • Past year exam papers (ten-year series) • Assessment books • Other school's test papers (90% of the questions that come out in the exam would have appeared in one of these places before) Write down all these different examples of questions in your note pad and file them by chapters. Step 2: Learn the Steps to Solve and Answer Once you have found all the different types of questions per chapter, you must then learn the steps on how to solve or answer every single question in order to get full marks for it. Always do your best to solve each question yourself and then check your answers against the solutions, or have a teacher/tutor mark it to ensure that your solution/answer is the right one. Many students tend to skip or avoid difficult questions they cannot understand, thinking those questions won't appear in the final examinations. To guarantee yourself an 'A', you have to ensure that you can understand and solve every single question. Never leave anything to chance. If you lose 0.5 mark on each question, your 'A' could turn into a 'C'. If there is one that you do not understand, ask and ask and ask until you know how to answer it!
et to The Big Secr rt II) (Pa Scoring 'A's
222
Step 3: Practice Until Perfect There are many students who walk into the examination room knowing how to solve every single question. Yet they still make mistakes. It is like a basketball player who knows all the plays, strategies and techniques, yet misses the crucial game-winning throw. Why does that happened? Because these students make 'careless mistakes', or perform so slowly that they run out of time. To make sure that you eliminate all careless mistakes and solve the questions fast enough, you have to practice, practice and practice until you are perfect! MASTER STEP FIVE 3 steps to application: • Collect different types of questions • Find model solutions • Practice for Perfection Master Step 6: Revise for High Retention & Recall Now that you have read every chapter, looked for keywords & ideas, made whole brain notes, memorized the facts and mastered application, are you ready for the examinations? There is one final step you must take to ensure you reach peak performance. The last master step is to do with CONSISTENT REVISION. No matter how well you understand and memorize your notes, your memory recall will not stay sharp and fresh forever! You have to revise at least 4 times before the information becomes permanently saved into your brain's hard drive! Before learning when the best time to revise is, let us find out about what happens to your memory after learning something. Research has shown that after learning something, your brain will tend to forget 80% of it within 24 hours. Have you experienced the frustration of forgetting what you have studied after 1-2 days? Well, don't worry, it happens to everybody! The secret is to always revise whatever you have learned within 24 hours 223
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
of learning it. So if you study chapter 3 on Monday, revise your notes on Tuesday! During this revision process, review the memory associations you have made and practice the questions again. By revising the next day, your memory and understanding will be refreshed, so your revision will usually be very quick and easy! WARNING: Most students wait for a few days to pass before doing their first revision. After a few days, more than 90% of their memory is gone and it takes them a lot of time to re-learn and re-remember the chapter!
Must you keep revising your notes every 24 hours? Of course not! After your first revision (within 24 hours), your memory will last longer, this time for about one week. As such, it's wise to do your 2nd revision within one week. After that, your memory will usually last for one month. Do a 3rd revision within a month. Your memory retention should now remain fresh for about 3 months, just in time for your exam. Your 4th and final revision should be done the day before the exam. This is your brain's final warm up before you go in for the main event! Let me summarize everything for you here in this graph. Memory 100%
50%
Time
0% 24 Hours 1 Week 1 Month Day (1 Revision) (2nd Revision) (3rd Revision) Before Exam (Final Revision) st
et to The Big Secr rt II) (Pa Scoring 'A's
224
During these 15-30 minute revision schedules, review your whole brain notes (ensuring that you can still recall all the points) and practice answering all the possible questions that can be asked in the exam. By doing this, you can confidently know that you will be able to recall 100% of what you have learnt and answer the questions accurately in the exams.
MASTER STEP SIX • Within 24 hours you forget 80% of what you learn • Revise at least four times: within 24 hours, a week later, a month later, and the day before the exam. • During the 15-30 minutes revision schedule, revise your notes and practice doing the different questions So there you have it! The Six Master Steps to studying smart. Review this chapter one more time and capture the key points; master these steps and START applying them to your subjects right away! When you do, you will definitely start seeing positive results in your grades.
Creating An Optimal Learning Environment I'm sure you will agree that your learning environment affects your ability to focus. Here are some quick tips on how to create a study environment that will be great for learning: 1. The lighting should be a mixture of yellow and white light, so that your eyes won't tire so easily 2. The Room should be free of distractions (e.g. no computer games in sight). If the study room and the bed room are in the same location, cordon off an area to be the “Study Zone” 3. All notes and books should not be on the table because this gives you the idea that after you finish studying, you still have a lot to do. Only put on the table what you need to use when you study
225
SECRET SUCCESSFULS OF TEENS
4. Create motivational posters and put them up on the wall so that they can act as reminders to think positively 5. Rearrange your things so that what you need is within easy access. You do not want to have to spend time searching for stuff when you can use the time to study or do other things 6. Create a checklist for all the subjects and chapters you are studying for, so that you can study in a more focused and directed way 7. Drink ONLY water and eat fruits when you feel hungry or greedy (we’ve all been there). This helps to keep you more focused on learning rather than dealing with sleepiness all the time.
Your Journey Ahead… Wow! We have certainly come a long way on this journey of learning together. I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this book and I believe that you will achieve tremendous success when you begin to apply the powerful ideas and strategies you have learnted. I look forward to meeting you one day in one of the 'I Am Gifted' Programmes and hearing your success story. In the meantime, feel free to visit our websites and BLOGs, or send us an email if you have any questions. All the best and enjoy your journey to success!
Adam Khoo & Gary Lee www.adam-khoo.com www.akltg.com
et to The Big Secr rt II) (Pa Scoring 'A's
226
Adam Khoo's Life Transformational Programs Public Seminars Division • Patterns of Excellence™ o Empowerment (3 days) o Influence and Mastery (3 days) • Wealth Academy (4 days), Wealth Academy Trader (5 days), Wealth Academy Forex (3 days) and Wealth Academy Options (3 days) • Millionaire Business Academy (7 Days) ‘I Am Gifted Foundation’ (Conduct Over 30 Weeks) ‘I am Gifted Junior’ (Conduct Over 40 Weeks) ‘I Am Gifted Senior’ (Conduct 40 Weeks) * Selected seminars are currently being conducted in Singapore, Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur, Penang & Johor Bahru) and Indonesia (Jakarta, Surabaya & Medan), Thailand (Bangkok) and China (Hangzhou)
Schools Division • • • • • •
'I Am Gifted, So Are You!' Workshop for Teens Superkids™ Camp for Children aged 10-12 Customized Life skills Training Outdoor Adventure and Leadership Training Transformational Teaching Money & Business Workshop for Teens
Corporate Division • • • • •
Accelerated Learning for Business Peak Performance Selling Public Speaking & Communication Strategies Personal Mastery & Team Building Leadership Training
For more information, call 65-62740105 or visit www.akltg.com
Adam Khoo Education Group Singapore Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group Pte Ltd 10 Hoe Chiang Road #01-05 Keppel Towers Singapore 089315 Tel: (65) 6274 0105 Fax: (65) 6224 5291 Visit us at: www.adamkhooeducation.com Adam Khoo Learning Centre Pte Ltd 238 Thomson Road, Novena Square, #03-28, Singapore 307683 Tel: (65) 6765 5516 Fax: (65) 6765 6959 Visit us at www.superlearner.com
Malaysia Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group Sdn Bhd B-2-12 TTDI Plaza Jalan Wan Kadir 3, Taman Tun Dr Ismail, 60000 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysiasia Tel: (603) 7725-0212 Fax: (603) 7725-8212 Visit us at: www.adamkhooeducation.com
Indonesia PT Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group Wisma 46 Kota BNI, 2nd Floor, Suite 2.05 Jl. Jendral Sudirman Kav. 1 Jakarta 10220 Tel: (62) 21 574 7511 Fax: (62) 21 574 7501 Visit us at: www.adamkhooeducation.com
Thailand Adam Khoo Education Group Co., Ltd 10th Floor, Dusit Thani Building, 946 Rama 4 Road, Silom Bangkok 10500, Thailand Tel: (66) 2636 3211 Fax: (66) 2236 3059
