A. Waterman - The Triple O Guide to Female Orgasms

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Copyright © 2005 Unica Design Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Contents A Message from the Author

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1. Kinds of Orgasms

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Ten Benefits to Orgasms

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A Woman’s Orgasms

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Six Types of Orgasms

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2. What Affects the Quality of an Orgasm

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How Women See Sex

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What a Woman Wants

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Barriers to Orgasm

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3. Sexual Techniques

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Fabulous Foreplay

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Oral Sex

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Best Positions for Women

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Hit the G-Spot

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The A-Spot

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Taking it Further

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A Message from the Author First of all, I want to thank you for picking up this book! Making an investment in your partner’s orgasm is guaranteed to get you more sex, because a satisfied woman will come back for more and more. The secret to amazing sex is to make your partner’s orgasm just as important as your own … and you’d be surprised at how many guys miss out on this important fact! You can be the first guy in her life to really pay attention to what pushes her buttons. Now, to have a great sex life, you don’t have to be multiorgasmic or have simultaneous orgasms. You don’t even have to come every time you have sex. A great sex life is one in which both partners are happy and fulfilled with the frequency, quality, and experience of sex. To get to the point where you know how to satisfy a woman better than she knows herself, you need to know a bit more about the female orgasm. In this book, I’ll explain why fulfilling a woman’s sexual needs may be a different task than you expected. You’ll learn why it’s much harder for women to achieve orgasm and what you can do to ensure that she reaches it every time. You’ll also get an exclusive peek inside the mind of a woman and learn what her fantasies are, what an orgasm feels like to her, and what she wishes you’d do more of. If you’ve learned all you know about sex from the locker room, reading this book may be a life-changing event for you. Men and women have completely different views on sex. They have completely different experiences of sex. They have completely different fantasies about sex. In this book, you’ll learn about those differences and why they may be affecting your sex life. Are you ready to learn why mind-blowing orgasms are one of the best gifts you can give your partner? If so, turn the page and get started!

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1. Kinds of Orgasms Having sex is a healthy, natural part of life. Unfortunately, some aren’t brought up to see it that way. People who grew up in religious or conservative households may have lingering doubts or guilt about their own sexuality. That’s why I always start out by telling people about all the wonderful benefits of sex—and in particular, orgasm. Share these facts with your sex partner. She may not have realized that regular sex (roughly three times a week) can help her lose weight, improve her muscle tone, and even live longer!

Ten Benefits to Orgasms Regular orgasms will give you and your partner: •

A happier mood. Not only do orgasms relax you completely and give you a small window of respite from the distractions of daily life, but they also affect a woman’s hormones in a positive way. According to Gordon Gallup, a psychology professor at the State University of New York, women may actually get powerful mood-boosting effects from sex. A hormone found in semen, prostaglandin E1, is absorbed through the vaginal walls and may have an antidepressant effect. In his study, he found that the women who had regular unprotected sex actually reported being happier than women who had protected sex or no sex at all. Though the research was inconclusive and certainly should not be used to argue for unprotected sex (which increases the risk of STDs and pregnancy), it has opened up a wide field of study on the effect of sex on mood.

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Improved muscle tone. Not only does the act of sex itself burn calories (150 per half hour) and strengthen the abdominal and core muscles, but the muscle contractions that accompany orgasms are excellent exercise. Orgasms are great for the cardiovascular system, due to the increase in blood flow and deep breathing. In fact, during sex, your heart rate increases to 150 beats per minute, putting it squarely in your cardio zone. Sex clearly belongs as part of a healthy exercise routine!

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Control appetite. Regular orgasms can help you lose weight by burning calories and regulating your appetite. Sexual stimulation triggers the production of a natural amphetamine called phenetylamine, which helps control your appetite so that you don’t give into junk food cravings. 2

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Better sleep. After orgasm, your blood pressure drops, and you feel complete relaxation along with the euphoria of endorphins, allowing you to coast naturally into a sound sleep. The relaxation benefits are so powerful that some even consider sex a “natural tranquilizer.”

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A better sense of smell. This is one fact about sex that few people are aware of. Sex stimulates the production of a hormone called prolactin. This hormone creates an improved sense of smell by causing new neurons to develop in the brain’s “smell center.” Smell is related to sexual desire in a number of ways: pheromones are considered to attract members of the opposite sex, and researchers have even suggested that people can “smell” when a partner is a good genetic match.

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A stronger immune system. If you want to stave off sickness, lower your risk of heart disease, and boost your immune system, have sex at least three times a week. The link between sex and a reduced risk of heart attack or stroke has been well documented. Sex offers many other medical benefits. Right before orgasm, the level of a hormone called DHEA spikes. DHEA is a “wonder hormone” which is essential to a variety of healthy body functions. Studies have also found that regular sexual activity increases levels of immunoglobulin A—an antibody that boosts the immune system—by a third. If you have a cold but can’t make it to the drug store, then the adrenaline released during sex can act as a natural antihistamine.

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Regular menstrual cycle. Having sex at least once a week not just normalizes a woman’s menstrual cycle, it also increases her estrogen levels. Estrogen increases her good cholesterol and decreases her bad cholesterol, in addition to protecting against osteoporosis

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Pain relief. Orgasms have been proven to provide powerful relief for migraine headaches, arthritis, even whiplash! That’s because orgasm releases endorphins which act as natural opiates, giving you a higher pain threshold. (And sex is a great cure for menstrual cramps as well!)

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Longer life. A study of 1000 middle-aged men in Britain found that those who had at least two orgasms a week had less than half the death rate over the next 3

ten years of those who reported fewer orgasms. Does sex increase your lifespan? It’s certainly doesn’t help to try! Your partner will be happy to know that sex can actually make you look younger, too. A Scottish study found that sex four to five times a week can make you look 10 years younger than someone who has sex only twice a week. This may be due to the hormones (testosterone for men, estrogen for women) released during sex. •

A stronger relationship. Best of all, sex cements the bond between two people in a relationship. Levels of a hormone called oxytocin surge three to five times higher than normal just before orgasm. Oxytocin, which also helps release endorphins, is called the “bonding hormone,” which may explain why partners feel so connected during sex.

Are you convinced yet? When you consider the many health benefits of regular orgasms, you may come to the conclusion that sex is something that—quite simply—you can’t live without. Keep sex a priority, for both your sake and your partner’s. Don’t consider it a selfish pleasure; consider an essential part of her health and yours.

A Woman’s Orgasms To get the full benefits of sex, both partners must come. But how do you know when a woman has an orgasm? Is there more than one kind of female orgasm? In this section, I’ll answer those questions and more. To start off with, one of the unanswered questions of human sexuality is why women have orgasms at all. Orgasms serve no biological purpose that scientists can tell. There are a number of theories, including the notion that the contractions serve to “suck” semen up into the body, increasing the chance of pregnancy—or that orgasms serve to bond a couple and increase chances that they’ll stay together to raise offspring— or that orgasm is just an evolutionary “hang-over,” like the male nipple. To this day no one really knows. What exactly is an orgasm? An orgasm is the third stage of the sexual response cycle detailed by Masters and Johnson (1966), which includes excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. In the orgasm phase for both men and women, involuntary muscle contractions in the lower pelvic muscles occur, along with muscle spasms in other parts of the body.

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There are some biological aspects of orgasm specific to women. As a woman becomes aroused, her clitoris enlarges. Her skin may redden as she experiences increased blood flow to the skin and other areas of the body (called a “sex flush”). Just before coming, her labia minor becomes darker, and the vagina actually decreases in size by about thirty percent. When she comes, her uterus and vagina, along with her pelvic muscles, contract rhythmically, often in “waves” or series of contractions. However, not all women make it to this stage. About a third of women never come at all from intercourse, while only 10 to 30% (depending on the source of the statistics) always come. The majority of women (30 to 40%) have orgasms sometimes, but not always. Compare this data with that for men: 95% of men always come when they have sex. Why is it so difficult for women to come? The reason for the variation in women’s abilities to come isn’t necessarily the quality of a woman’s lover (surprise!) or her social conditioning—it may actually be genetic. A 2005 twin study in Biology Letters suggests that the variation in women’s abilities to orgasm is 34 to 45% genetic. Some researchers theorize that women who found it more difficult to come would have selected partners who were better and more thoughtful lovers, increasing the chance that he’d hang around to raise offspring. While men often struggle to keep themselves from coming too soon, women often struggle to come at all. A woman can’t mentally “make” herself have an orgasm, because it’s an involuntary body reaction to sexual stimulation. Not even she herself may know when she’s going to come, or how long it’s going to take, or whether she’s even going to come at all. She may not come at all, and stay in the “plateau” phase until sexual stimulation stops and she returns to an unaroused state. Some women have active sex lives but have never had an orgasm. If a woman doesn’t know whether or not she has experienced an orgasm, she probably hasn’t. When a woman comes, she knows it.

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Although it’s impossible to describe an experience as subjective as orgasm, here is a general description that should include elements familiar to most women: Just before coming, a woman will feel tension building inside her. She may clench the muscles in her legs and buttocks, or she may feel a sensation similar to the burning need to pee. When she comes, she’ll feel all of her inner muscles clench up; sometimes it will feel as if she’s spasming or that waves of pleasure are passing through her body. She may cry out involuntarily or grip her partner hard. After coming (which usually lasts only seconds), most women are exhausted and need to rest, just like men do (the resolution phase). Some women don’t want their partner to touch their genitals at all afterwards, because they’re too sensitive.

Six Types of Orgasms Now, let’s take a look at different “types” of orgasms. Not all sexologists will agree that orgasms should be divided into these categories, but I use them here because they seem to fit the common perception of orgasms. •

Simultaneous orgasms. This is when a man and a woman come together at the same exact moment. Although Hollywood portrays simultaneous orgasms as commonplace, they’re hard to achieve in actual life. Usually, the man needs to be able to hold off until he’s 100% certain that the woman is coming, then let go and hope. Most couples don’t regularly have simultaneous orgasms and don’t miss them. “When you come together,” one married couple told me, “you don’t get to enjoy the other person’s orgasm because you’re so focused on your own.” A couple may take turns: sometimes the woman comes first, other times he does. Some couples find it easier to put the woman’s orgasm first. According to Ben, 24, “Once I come, I want to relax, so if I don’t make her come before I do, it’s not gonna happen.”

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Multiple orgasms. There are a lot of myths surrounding multiple orgasms. Basically, multiple orgasms occur when a person has two, three, or more orgasms in quick succession (not when orgasm occurs more than once in a single sex session). 6

They’re more common in women than men (in whom a multiple orgasm doesn’t mean ejaculating multiple times but rather triggering successive feelings of orgasm in the brain). Women are slower to arouse than men but stay at their “plateau” level for longer, which means that continued stimulation after the first orgasm can trigger another. Only 13% of women actually experience multiple orgasms, while researchers suggest that the number of women able to have multiple orgasms might be as high as 33%. If a woman’s clitoris is highly sensitive after orgasm (continued stimulation causing her pain), then she probably isn’t a candidate for multiple orgasms. •

Clitoral orgasms. Lest I open a wide debate on the existence of clitoral or vaginal orgasms, let me say that most women find that the experience of coming from clitoral stimulation, as opposed to vaginal stimulation, is highly distinct. Clitoral orgasms are much more concentrated and powerful. Vaginal orgasms, on the other hand, are much more diffuse and spread in waves throughout the body. Both types of orgasms are equally pleasurable, but the clitoral orgasm is the easiest to achieve. Almost every woman can come with clitoral stimulation, whether it be by hand, tongue, vibrator, or friction with the penis. Sexual positions which allow clitoral stimulation often feel better to a woman than those in which her clitoris doesn’t get any stimulation at all. You can supplement thrusting with clitoral stimulation to increase your partner’s chance of orgasm. For example, if you’re having sex doggy-style, try reaching under and stimulating her clitoris with your free hand.

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Vaginal orgasms. These are orgasms achieved through penetration or insertion of fingers or a dildo into the vagina. Only a little over a quarter of women can have vaginal orgasms with no additional clitoral stimulation. This means that three out of four women need more than the old in-out, in-out to come. Vaginal orgasms are often triggered by stimulation of the G-spot, which is an area rich in nerve endings on the upper wall of the vagina (towards the belly), two to three inches from the opening. More on this later. (You’ll also learn about the fabled A-spot, which, when stimulated, hugely turns on 95% of women.)

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Solo orgasms. Solo orgasms are often quicker than coming with a partner, because you can focus on exactly what feels good, and there’s no give-andtake involved. However, solo orgasms can feel less satisfying for some. Masturbation always has a place in a healthy sex life, whether you’re with a partner or not. For women, masturbation is even more important. Women who masturbate regularly often find it much easier to come with a partner. They are more in tune with their bodies and better able to guide their partners to their hot spots. In fact, masturbation is an essential tool for women who still haven’t managed to achieve the “big O.”

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Oral orgasms. Some people feel that orgasms achieved through oral sex have a different quality than orgasms achieved through other means. They may feel more focused and powerful.

Now that you know more about the mechanics of the orgasm, let’s turn our focus to something much more fun: what makes an orgasm mind-blowing as opposed to mundane.

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2. What Affects the Quality of an Orgasm Let’s start out this chapter with a quiz. Which of the following affects the quality of the orgasm you experience? 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Your partner Your mood How tired you are Amount of foreplay How many times you’ve come already All of the above

If you answered, “All of the above,” you’d be right! Sometimes, you can have sex with a new partner and think you’ve gone to heaven, but the next time you have sex it’s as ordinary as anything. Where did the magic go? Orgasmic “magic” is a function of the perfect combination of physical, psychological, and emotional readiness. Sometimes everything just comes together right; other times … well, it just doesn’t. You can’t have great sex every night. You shouldn’t expect to have great sex every night. But as a guy, you have one huge responsibility, and that’s to make sure that the very first night you sleep with a girl is an experience she’ll remember. To do that, you have to understand all of the factors that go into making an orgasm great for a woman. You have to anticipate, prepare, and plot your seduction. Amazingly enough, you’ll discover why your sexual technique may not even be the most important thing in making her come (more about technique in Chapter 3). In this chapter, I’ll show you how to the perfect conditions for a night she’ll always remember.

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How Women See Sex Although both men and women engage in the same physical act, their perceptions of what is going on when they have sex are completely different. It’s as blaring as the difference between a Harlequin romance novel and hard-core porn. Men and women want different things from sex, and the best lovers know this and take advantage of it. First of all, I recommend that if you haven’t already been exposed to the world of women’s sexual fantasies, you should pick up a romance novel or check out some women’s pornography (anything by Candida Royalle or Femme Productions). Notice the differences: women are more into the storylines behind the sex. They’re not just focused on the raw act. Rather, they’re turned on by the emotions, ambience, words, and relationship that give context and meaning to the sex. The reason may have to do with how men and women’s brains differ. Dr. Gert Holstege from the University of Groningen discovered that during orgasm, areas in the brain associated with fear and alertness shut down. The male brain is much more active in processing sensory input from the genitals than the female brain. Dr. Holstege concluded that the most important condition for achieving orgasm for women was feeling protected, safe, and deeply relaxed, while men needed physical stimulation. The implications of the study are astounding. Men’s magazines for decades have focused on developing the perfect sexual technique for reducing any woman to putty. For decades, guys have attempted to give women mind-blowing orgasms by taking moves from their favorite porn flicks. And all for nothing. For men, being touched is all-important, so they assume that women feel the same. But it’s not. Relaxation, mood, and ambience are more important in arousing a woman than expert sexual stimulation.

What a Woman Wants So give her the sex that she wants, not the sex that you want. But what does she want? you might ask. Lucky for you, I have the answers. •

Anticipation. For women, anticipation is a highly enjoyable sensation. Many women prefer to hold off on sex and savor the anticipation so that when the time comes it’s perfect. Guys, on the other hand, are up for it any time, no prior warning necessary. If you’re going to be the kind of lover that women swoon over, take your time. If you jump into bed straight off, you won’t capture her imagination. Hold off for at least a few days so that you can build up the sexual tension and anticipation. Even if she wants it right now, be the one in control. Tell 10

her that when you have sex the first time, it’s going to be done right. You’re not both going to be drunk or wake up the next morning not remembering what you did. You’re going to make love to her like no one else has ever done it before. Words straight out of a romance novel are guaranteed to make her melt at the knees. Building anticipation is a fabulous sexual tactic. Before you have sex (days beforehand, even!) tell her how you would like to touch her. Describe the setting. Include those details that women love: how you’re going to light the room with candles and put on soft music, how you’re going to lay her down on the bed. Get creative! By giving her a visual scene in your mind, she’ll play it again and again in her mind and be as horny as everything when the moment comes. •

Romance. Some of the best foreplay occurs hours or even days before the first article of clothing comes off. Women can get wet just thinking about a guy that they feel attracted to. Romancing a woman actually leads to a better sexual experience for her. Buy her flowers, open doors for her, treat her like a gallant gentleman would treat his lady. It’ll all pay off in the bedroom.

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Ambience. While men could often care less where they’re having sex as long as the sensations are good, the setting is everything for a woman. She will have a better sexual experience in a four-star hotel room than on the creaky bed of the local motel. That’s why paying attention to the little details is important. The perfect setting, the perfect meal, candlelight, soft and silky sheets…. Give her a story she can tell her friends, especially about the first time you have sex. A woman wants to know that you’ve spent time thinking about how to make your first time together special. Make an event out of it: plan a special day and bring her back home to your bedroom at the end of it. Buy an expensive bottle of wine. Slow dance together. Pick her up and carry her into the bedroom. Silly little acts of romance, but they’ll arouse her more than you’d imagine.

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Trust. Having sex is a huge act of trust for a woman. She has to make herself vulnerable, show her partner her naked body (which she may feel highly self-conscious about), and trust him not to break her heart. That’s why gaining her confidence and trust beforehand is so important. A woman can totally abandon herself when she’s in the arms of someone she trusts and feels safe with. If she’s even the least bit uncomfortable or timid around you, her sexual experience won’t be as good.

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Compliments. The best way to make a woman eager and willing to have sex with you is compliment her as each and every article of clothing comes off. Women melt when a man compliments their body. Even if you usually don’t compliment her much or haven’t complimented her at all before, let the compliments flow freely in the bedroom. Tell her in a low murmuring voice, how good she smells, how soft her skin is, how great it feels to be close to her. She’ll get highly aroused by hearing herself described through your eyes.

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Feelings. Women want to hear three things: “I need you, I want you, I love you.” They need loving talk in the bedroom. While guys just want to focus on enjoying the sex itself, women enjoy sex more when it has emotional context: in other words, when it’s an expression of a man’s feelings towards her. Give her fantastic sex by telling her how much she means to you, how she drives you crazy, how much she turns you on. By the way, did you know that for women the largest sexual organ is … the brain? That’s right. Women can easily turn themselves on by fantasizing or reading erotic books, whatever feeds their sexual imagination. Their imagination can even be more powerful than direct sexual stimulation.

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Connection. If you talk to couples in relationships, you’ll find that an amazing percentage of them say that the sex gets better and better the longer they are together. That’s because the more connected you are, the better the sex is. As a result, sex for a woman in the context of a relationship can actually feel better to her than a one-night stand.

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Communication. Communication in the bedroom is essential. Every woman is different, and some women can only come if you do certain things. The first time you sleep with a woman, don’t assume that you know what she likes. Instead, ask what makes her come, how she feels when you touch her a certain way, where she’d like to be touched. You’ll be amazed at how much easier it is to turn her on when you’ve got the expert guide herself giving you directions all the way.

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Foreplay. If there’s one thing that every woman out there agrees on, it’s that they need more foreplay. Women aren’t ready for sex at the snap of a finger. Their bodies take time to get aroused. She may be mentally ready for sex long before her body is, and a thoughtful lover is willing to put in as much time as it takes to get her warmed up. But foreplay isn’t just the means to an end. Learn to enjoy foreplay for the sake of it. Try engaging in foreplay until neither of you can’t stand it any more. Her orgasm will be much more intense than if you’d headed straight into sex, and you may find that your 12

orgasm is earth-shattering, too! That’s because teasing one another and holding off makes the sensation much sharper and more fulfilling when it does come. •

Firmness. The bedroom is your territory. No matter how much you lack confidence in daily life, here you are the master. No woman wants a guy who lacks confidence in the bedroom. Your actions should be firm and decisive as you play the role of her guide. She needs to feel as if she can let go around you, relax and let the sensations overwhelm her. (Note: this doesn’t mean that you should push her further than she wants to go, though. Be firm only within those boundaries where she feels comfortable.)

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Experience. There is something to be said for experienced lovers. I’ve heard women say that they can tell how good a lover is going to be from how smoothly he unhooks her bra. Movements should be firm, gentle, in a regular rhythm. Don’t use a rough touch; women’s skin is much more sensitive. Don’t fumble about, grope, or rush in. Use long, sure strokes. Even if you haven’t had much sexual experience, don’t tell her that. As long as you are confident in your movements (and hey, you can always ask her what feels best!) she won’t be able to guess.

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Lingering looks. Eye contact is crucial to women. Reconnect with her periodically throughout sex by meeting her eyes. Search her eyes for clues to how turned on she is or what she’s feeling. When you meet her eyes, she’ll feel reassured.

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Unpredictability. Nothing spices up sex more than unpredictability, which is why the first time with someone can be so exciting. However, the more you have sex with someone, the more familiar and habitual the sex becomes. Unpredictability—having sex in different places, at different times, trying new things—can spice up a sex life and increase desire.

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Sufficient rest. A woman who is well-rested will find it easier to come than when she’s tired. This is why it can be hard to have great sex when both partners are exhausted and just want to sleep. Try having sex earlier in the evening (before you go out, say, instead of after) or going to bed a bit earlier than normal so that you have time for leisurely sex before your body hits its bedtime sleepiness.

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Warm feet. One of the surprising results of the Dutch study was that men and women alike find it easier to orgasm when their feet are warm. Only half of the volunteers were able to orgasm with bare feet, while 80% of volunteers could come when researchers provided them with socks. So keep that bedroom warm, or let her leave her socks on! 13

Barriers to Orgasm Sometimes, a woman just can’t come no matter how much she wants to. Orgasm is an unconscious biological response, which means that an active conscious mind can actually hinder her chances of coming. Distracting thoughts or worries can ruin the moment just as she’s about to come. This is why it’s so important to make sure that a woman is completely relaxed— mentally and physically—before having sex. Lingering tension from the day’s work can make her less likely to orgasm, as her mind will be full of concerns and all that she has to do the next day. Help her release her tension before having sex by having a long, hot bath together, or turning on soothing music instead of the television. Keep distractions to a minimum. Talk about non-work-related topics and cuddle or stroke her hair. The non-sexual physical touch will help her relax. Relationship problems can also make it much less likely that she will come. Any sort of anger or resentment that she feels towards you will interfere with her need to relax, let go, and immerse herself in the experience of sex. Open up to one another about the issues in your relationship, and watch your sex life improve as a result. Avoid making negative comments or criticizing her in the bedroom. If she feels that you don’t find her attractive, her sex drive will plummet. Fortunately, the opposite is true: compliments in the bedroom will actually make her less inhibited and more willing to show you her sexy vixen side. If she feels self-conscious at all—about her body, about the funny faces she makes when she comes, or about whether what she’s doing is right—then her selfconsciousness may keep her from coming. Too, if she feels as if she shouldn’t be having sex for some reason (parental disapproval, religious views, etc.), then subconsciously this could interfere with her ability to orgasm. There’s not much you can do about this, aside from being supportive, but one thing you can and should do is lighten the mood in the bedroom. Be willing to be playful and laugh. Let her know that you enjoy the funny, silly side of sex. Take the pressure off the

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performance and focus on giving one another pleasure, rather than getting to the big ‘O.’ Sex is about having fun, not “doing it” right. Other factors that act as barriers to orgasm include pain, fatigue, stress, cold, and some medications. Being aware of the number of factors that influence a woman’s ability to come can help take the pressure off from you. She’ll experience her best orgasms when she’s completely relaxed and feeling content and safe with you. However, if she’s stressed or worried or in pain, it may be a lot to ask to get her to come. Let her know that it’s okay. Never pressure her to come, because if she focuses on coming—rather than relaxing and allowing it to happen—it probably won’t. In the next chapter, I’ll discuss sexual techniques that are sure to add an idea or two to your repertoire.

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3. Sexual Techniques Now, we’re getting to the good stuff! In this chapter, I’ll teach you how to take advantage of what you now know about women’s orgasms to make sure that she comes every time. You’ll learn some fabulous foreplay techniques, which positions maximize her chance of coming, and the fabled A-spot that is guaranteed to give her an orgasm every time.

Fabulous Foreplay You already know that the more foreplay the better, but what if you’ve run out of ideas? Here are some suggestions for foreplay. •

Give her a foot massage. End with sucking her toes. And while you’re at it, give her a hand massage and suck her fingers, too.

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Take a bath or shower together. Soap one another up and kiss under the steamy hot water. Avoid having sex until you’re dry, though, as the water can wash away her natural lubrication.

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Touch one another through your clothing. Yes, you can take it off, but the barrier of clothing will heighten the anticipation.

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Be a tease. Describe what you’re going to do to her and let her envision it in her mind before doing it.

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Stroke her. Stroke her skin, her face, her neck, her hair, her arms… The gentle motions will start getting her aroused.

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Hands off. Spend at least half your time exploring other areas of her body before making your way to the obvious erogenous areas. That’s because most guys go straight for the breasts and genitals. By not doing this, you will stand out as one of the few men who’ve managed to find her other hot spots.

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Kiss her neck. Sometimes just hot breath at the back of her neck can set her tingling with excitement.

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Suck her earlobes. Another magic spot for some women.

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Kiss the small of her back. Since you’re in the general area, lavish caresses on her buttocks, too. The buttocks are extremely sensitive but don’t often get much attention paid to them.

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Handle her breasts with care. Try tracing circles around her breasts with your tongue or massaging them with the full palm of your hands. Avoid too 16

rough a grip, as some women may find it painful. Try alternating between sucking and flicking the tip of her nipple with your tongue. •

Don’t take her panties off until she’s wet. Again, it’s all about anticipation. Stroke her through the fabric of her underpants until you know she’s ready for sex. There’s just something naughty about being barred from having sex by such a thin strip of fabric.

Oral Sex If you can master oral sex, you’ll be a lover in high demand. Many women can only come through oral sex, and even a woman who won’t let you have sex with her may consent to having oral sex. Here are some tips for better oral sex. •

Enjoy giving oral sex. Many women are sensitive about how they smell and taste down there. If you are clearly enjoying yourself and are willing to spend however long it takes, she’ll allow herself to relax and enjoy the sensations.

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Use the whole of your tongue, not just the tip. The more area of your tongue against her genitals, the more sensation she feels.

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Be indirect. Don’t just lick the clitoris directly. Too much direct stimulation can be painful. Instead, come at it from all angles, or lick around the base.

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Use long, slow, gentle strokes in a steady rhythm. Keep it smooth and steady as you alternate among up-and-down strokes, side-to-side strokes, and circles. Make sure you use lots of saliva to keep it wet.

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Use your hands to good advantage. The more areas you can stimulate, the better, so use your hands to stroke her other erogenous zones.

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Insert a finger into the vagina. Often, women will come easier with both vaginal and clitoral stimulation. Wait until she’s well lubricated, and insert a finger into the vagina. (Make sure that your finger is clean and fingernails 17

well-trimmed.) Move your finger in a “come here” motion, two to three inches up, to see if you can find the tricky G-spot. •

Continue stimulation as she’s coming. Unlike men, women need stimulation up until the point where they’ve finished coming. If you stop too soon, she’ll be left on the edge but unable to topple over. However, once she’s come, her clitoris may be highly sensitive, and she may push your hand away.

Best Positions for Women The single best position for women to have an orgasm, hands down, is the girlon-top position. From that position, she can control the depth, angle, and speed of thrust. All you have to do is lie back and enjoy the action. Make sure that whatever position you’re in offers opportunity for clitoral stimulation. Missionary often works as well for women as men, because her clitoris gets rubbed as you move on top of her, but maximize the potential of this position by putting a pillow underneath her buttocks to raise her up. If you’re in a position where the clitoris doesn’t get any stimulation, then make up for it by using your fingers.

Hit the G-Spot If you’ve got a slightly curved penis, you’re in luck, because biology has favored you to hit a woman’s fabled G-spot. The G-spot, or Grafenberg spot (named after the German gynecologist who first documented its existence), is located on the vaginal wall, a few inches up, towards the belly. It is the size of a pea, feels spongy, and swells as a woman becomes more aroused. It is believed that the G-spot has a biological function as a trigger point during childbirth. The baby’s head pushes against this spot during childbirth and triggers the final contraction of delivery. However, when stimulated sexually, the G-spot causes a strong contraction of the vagina, resulting in a powerful orgasm and even, for some, female ejaculation. Not all women are able to find theirs, but she’ll thank you for life if you point the way to hers! The best position for hitting the G-spot is either girl-on-top or doggie style.

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The A-Spot There’s another area only recently discovered (1996) called the “anterior fornex erogenous,” or A-spot for short. It’s located halfway between the G-spot and a woman’s cervix. Unlike the G-spot, it’s smooth, but you’ll have no doubt you’ve found it from her response. According to sex expert Tracey Cox, the A-spot was discovered when researchers were searching for a cure for vaginal dryness. To their surprise, they found that stimulation of the A-spot resulted in an amazing feeling of being turned on for 95% of women. In fact, these women were then able to experience multiple orgasms, possibly due to the increased lubrication.

Taking it Further Expand your sexual repertoire by using lubricants and vibrators. Even if a woman lubricates naturally, a bit of extra lubrication can make things extra fun. Add a vibrator to the mix, and you’ll discover why they’re a woman’s best friend. Share your fantasies. Getting a woman to open up about her fantasies will give you a shortcut to pleasing her sexually. You may wish to try role-playing, spanking, using a blindfold, or light bondage. The key is to both be comfortable with the fantasy and stop if either party becomes uncomfortable. Do some research. Pick up one of the many books out there on sexual techniques and positions. Personally, I like Tracey Cox’s Hot Sex: Hot to Do It, which includes informative advice for both men and women. Many lovers swear by the Karma Sutra. Don’t just stop with books. The 2004 film Kinsey about legendary sex researcher Alfred Kinsey (the father of sexology) opens up many issues about sexuality and culture that are important to consider. This chapter has just been a starting point for thinking about sex. Once you understand more about how the female orgasm works, and the longer you’re with your partner, the more your orgasm accuracy will improve. Remember: just keep communicating, learn from your partner, focus on pleasure, and you can’t go wrong!

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