A Shoggoth on the Roof

THE MUSICAL "Wow! I'm still recovering. Wow! Whoever wrote this is a brilliant - albeit highly demented - genius. It's definitely the coolest, most twistedly brilliant thing I've ever seen/heard." -Chris, Berlin "...mind-erasingly fantastic..." —Scromp,

"Most amusing!"

S.T.Joshi,

"...insanely brilliant."

Kentucky

-Don,

British

Columbia

"lhad nothing to do with it."

Seattle

—Stuart

Gordon,

Hollywood

Book and Lyrics by HE WHO (for legal reasons) MUST NOT BE NAMED Restored and Digitally Remastered by S E A N B R A N N E Y and ANDREW LEMAN © 2 0 0 5 by H P L H S

INC.

Sketch by He Who (for legal reasons) Must Not Be Named

THE MUSICAL Book a n d Lyrics by H E WHO (for legal reasons) MUST NOT BE NAMED R e s t o r e d a n d digitally r e m a s t e r e d by SEAN B R A N N E Y a n d ANDREW LEMAN P u b l i s h e d October, 2001 by T h e H.P. L o v e c r a f t H i s t o r i c a l Society

©2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.

www.cthulhulives.org

AN INTRODUCTION The volume in your hands has had a strange and murky history. Its writing and previous attempts at p r o d u c t i o n have b e e n a c c o m p a n i e d by tragedy and madness, and it is not without some t r e p i d a t i o n that the c u r r e n t editors have u n d e r t a k e n to publish it today. The r e a d e r should be forewarned and continue with caution.

The Other Gods, a Los Angeles theatre company. That production never opened, and some people associated with it died or disappeared u n d e r suspicious circumstances. The investigation into that doomed production is chronicled in the film A Shoggoth on the Roof: The Documentary. Many u n a n s w e r e d q u e s t i o n s remain.

"A Shoggoth on the Roof" is a musical unlike any other. Like a mad liberal arts experiment gone horribly wrong, it is a perverse hybrid of the Cthulhu Mythos of 1920s gothic h o r r o r writer H.P. Lovecraft and the plot and music of "Fiddler on the Roof," an enduringly popular mainstay of high school t h e a t r e groups since 1964.

The d o c u m e n t a r y has b e e n r e c e i v e d with enthusiasm by the Lovecraft community, and stirred up new interest in the musical itself. After the r e l e a s e of the film, the HPLHS negotia t e d to a c q u i r e p u b l i c a t i o n rights to "A Shoggoth on the Roof." The author's family, concerned for its privacy, has at last relinquished all rights to ASOTR on the condition that the author's identity be vigorously protected.

The script seems to have b e e n written some time in the late 1970s by an author who, for legal reasons, must not be named. A former member of the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society — and f r e q u e n t contributor to the Society's journal, Strange Eons — sent an original autograph libretto of the show to the editors of Strange Eons in late 1986. The manuscript was virtually unintelligible, and it was filed away with other peculiar submissions received by the Society (although Society members did find themselves singing one or two of the songs that they could make out). In 1987, the author wrote to the editors again to say that he would no longer be contributing to, nor reading, Strange Eons, as his doctors had forbidden him to have any f u r t h e r contact with the Society. He was committed to a psychiatric hospital, and has not been heard from since.

Preparing the manuscript for publication has taken many months of sustained effort. The original handwritten text is all but illegible, with n u m e r o u s i n t e r l i n e a r emendations, scrawled doodles, and no real s t r u c t u r e to speak of. Although every effort has been m a d e to preserve the intent of the author, it has b e e n necessary to exercise fairly broad editorial discretion in some cases. Thanks a r e due to the brave Los Angeles actors and musicians who assisted in exploring and shaping this material. Prior to this publication, certain t h e a t r e groups in the United States and abroad have received advance copies of the script. At the time of this writing, t h e a t r e companies a r e contemplating the grave and horrible possibility of at long last producing the world p r e m i e r e of this most eldritch embodiment of the musical t h e a t r e tradition.

"A Shoggoth on the Roof" would likely have been forgotten by the world, except that in 1999 a videotape surfaced at a well-known online auction site which p u r p o r t e d to be footage of a r e h e a r s a l of t h e show. This v i d e o t a p e was acquired by the HPLHS, and subsequent analysis suggests that it is a video d u b of an authentic 8mm home movie. After a year of research, Society m e m b e r s confirmed that t h e r e had been an attempt to produce the show in 1979 by

The HPLHS is pleased to be able to bring you this work, and will continue to investigate the show and its history, and promote its f u t u r e d e v e l o p m e n t . U p d a t e d i n f o r m a t i o n will be posted on t h e Society's w e b s i t e at http:// www.cthulhulives.org/Shoggoth. —SB & AHL

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The Characters: H E N R YARMITAGE..............................................................45,l i b r a r i a n at Miskatonic U n i v e r s i t y MARION ARMITAGE ......45, his wife P R U D E N C EARMITAGE..................................................................21, his e l d e s t d a u g h t e r ASENATH ARMITAGE ...........20, his s e c o n d d a u g h t e r JILL ARMITAGE.. ...........17, h i s youngest d a u g h t e r H E R B E R T WEST ...................... 35, d a n g e r o u s m a n i a c , b e l o v e d of P r u d e n c e HEAD CULTIST...............................30, studly C t h u l h u w o r s h i p p e r , b e l o v e d of A s e n a t h OBED MARSH .................85, late-blooming D e e p One, b e l o v e d of J i l l RANDOLPH CARTER ...........35, n e r v o u s investigator HARLEY WARREN ...........35, shovel-wielding zealot WILBUR WHATELY .........22, Dunwich creep DR. HALSEY ................40, Miskatonic Dean, l a t e r a z o m b i e GRANDMA P R U D E N C E ...............90, M a r i o n ' s g r a n d m o t h e r , a ghost LAVINIA WHATELY ............50, Wilbur's m o t h e r , a ghost GREAT CTHULHU .............2,560,000,003, A G r e a t Old One, very l a r g e A SHOGGOTH A BYAKHEE A MI-GO N u m e r o u s D E E P ONES N u m e r o u s GHOULS N u m e r o u s CULTISTS N u m e r o u s VILLAGERS/VICTIMS S e v e r a l ZOMBIES

T h e Place: A r k h a m , M a s s a c h u s e t t s T h e Time: 1926

vii

Musical N u m b e r s : Act One Prologue. . TENTACLES!

Armitage, C h o r u s

S c e n e 1. . . ARKHAM, DUNWICH

Armitage, Marion

S c e n e 4. . . BYAKHEE, B Y A K H E E

Asenath, Jill

S c e n e 6. . . SHOGGOTH P R A Y E R

H e a d Cultist, C h o r u s

I F I W E R E A D E E P ONE

Old Man M a r s h

S c e n e 7. . . ARKHAM, DUNWICH (reprise) TO L I F E

Armitage, W i l b u r W h a t e l y H e r b e r t West, P r u d e n c e , Armitage, Halsey, Z o m b i e s

Act Two S c e n e 3. . . T H E NIGHTMARE

G r a n d m a P r u d e n c e , Ghoul, Armitage, Marion, L a v i n i a Whately, C h o r u s

S c e n e 5. . . VICTIM OF VICTIMS

H e a d Cultist, A s e n a t h

S c e n e 6. . . V E R Y F A R FROM T H E HOME I LOVE

Jill

S c e n e 7. . . ARKHAM, DUNWICH (2nd r e p r i s e ) . . H e a d Cultist, W i l b u r W h a t e l y DO YOU F E A R ME?

Cthulhu, Armitage, C h o r u s

MISKATONIC

Marion, H e r b e r t West P r u d e n c e , Armitage, C h o r u s

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ACT ONE

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©2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.

PROLOGUE

T h e e x t e r i o r of t h e library, M i s k a t o n i c University. A SHOGGOTH is w r i t h i n g a n d p u l s a t i n g g r o t e s q u e l y on t h e roof. E n t e r ARMITAGE, t h e librarian. ARMITAGE A shoggoth on t h e roof. S o u n d s crazy, no? C e r t i f i a b l y i n s a n e . But h e r e in o u r little village of A r k h a m , M a s s a c h u s e t t s , you might say every o n e of u s h a s a shoggoth on t h e roof. A n d I'm not s p e a k i n g m e t a p h o r i c a l l y . It's not easy, having a m a l e v o l e n t s h a p e l e s s m o n s t e r like t h a t h a n g i n g over y o u r h e a d . But t h e r e it is. A r k h a m is t h e h o m e of m a n y s t r a n g e things. A big m o n s t e r like t h a t on s u c h a pointy roof. You may ask "How d o e s it stay u p t h e r e if it is so d i f f i c u l t ? " T h a t I c a n tell you in one word: t e n t a c l e s ! VILLAGERS (enter singing) Tentacles, tentacles...tentacles! Tentacles, tentacles...tentacles! ARMITAGE H e r e in A r k h a m , t e n t a c l e s get into everything eventually. Changeless, legendh a u n t e d A r k h a m , w h e r e t h e c l u s t e r i n g g a m b r e l roofs sway a n d sag over attics w h e r e w i t c h e s h i d f r o m t h e King's m e n in t h e dark, o l d e n days of t h e province. Well t h e King is gone, b u t t h e w i t c h e s a r e still h e r e . And t h e cultists. A n d t h e m o n s t e r s . A n d r e g u l a r folks, j u s t trying not to notice. We try not to t h i n k a b o u t t h e s c a r i e s t one of all. T h e gigantic half dragon, half octopus, half h u m a n o i d G r e a t Old One himself. Cthulhu! Waiting to r e t u r n f r o m h i s city b e n e a t h t h e sea. (sings) ["Tentacles!"] Who day and night must slumber in R'lyeh, wave his tentacles, having nasty dreams? And who has the might, as master of R'lyeh, to drive humanity insane? Cthulhu! Cthulhu! Tentacles! Cthulhu! Cthulhu! Tentacles! CULTISTS Who must bow and kneel and scrape and slave all day, to raise R'lyeh Cthulhu's way? Who must live in ignorance until the day they find they've read too many nasty books? The Cultists! The Cultists! Tentacles! The Cultists! The Cultists! Tentacles! T H E D E E P ONES At nine I started growing gills and swimming in the sea. And soon I'll know the wonders of the sunken city. The Deep Ones! The Deep Ones! Tentacles! The Deep Ones! The Deep Ones! Tentacles!

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©2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.

T H E VICTIMS Who's always last to know? Who fills the air with cries? Whose sanity is blasted and then who usually The Victims! The Victims! Tentacles! The Victims! The Victims! Tentacles!

dies?

ALL (Repeat the song as a round.) ARMITAGE We h a v e t h e s h o e factory a n d t h e b r i c k works, a n d a w o n d e r f u l i n s a n e asylum we a r e all mighty p r o u d of. But t h e h e a r t of t h e town is Miskatonic University. It may not b e t h e biggest school in N e w E n g l a n d , b u t t h e r e is no f i n e r p l a c e in t h e w o r l d to s t u d y m e d i e v a l m e t a p h y s i c s . It is my h o n o r to b e its h e a d l i b r a r i an. You s e e m a n y folks f r o m t h e u n i v e r s i t y as you walk t h r o u g h A r k h a m ' s streets. A n d in o u r s m a l l community, we h a v e always h a d s o m e s p e c i a l types as well. F o r i n s t a n c e , H e r b e r t West, t h e m a d scientist.... H E R B E R T WEST a n d DR. HALSEY s t e p out of t h e crowd of villagers. WEST T h o s e s m a l l - m i n d e d d o c t o r s h a v e n e e d l e s s l y a n d i r r a t i o n a l l y d e l a y e d m e in s u p r e m e l y g r e a t work. T h e r e a n i m a t i o n of d e a d t i s s u e is w i t h i n my grasp! HALSEY H e r b e r t , y o u r p e r v e r s e e x p e r i m e n t s a r e t h e vagary of a d e m e n t e d m a n i a c , a n d c a n n o t b e a l l o w e d to c o n t i n u e . Y o u r r e q u e s t f o r t h e u s e of h u m a n c a d a v e r s is completely denied. WEST I w a r n you, Doctor Halsey, you'll r e g r e t t h i s decision! All d a n c e . ARMITAGE A n d R a n d o l p h Carter, t h e w r i t e r w i t h t h e w e i r d d r e a m s w h o k e e p s showing u p everywhere.... RANDOLPH CARTER s t e p s out. CARTER I r e p e a t to you, g e n t l e m e n , t h a t y o u r i n q u i s i t i o n is f r u i t l e s s . Question m e foreve r if you want. I do not know w h a t h a s b e c o m e of H a r l e y W a r r e n , t h o u g h I think, a l m o s t h o p e , t h a t h e is s o m e w h e r e in p e a c e f u l oblivion if t h e r e b e anywhere... H E L P F U L VILLAGER Mr. C a r t e r ? T h e r e ' s a t e l e p h o n e call f o r you. CARTER Oh, thanks. C a r t e r exits. All d a n c e .

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©2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.

ARMITAGE And Obed Marsh, t h e c u r s e d old m a n f r o m n e a r b y Innsmouth.... OBED MARSH s t e p s out. MARSH What a r e ye looking at? What, ye t h i n k I'm ugly? Is t h a t it? I'll b e showin' ye ugly! VILLAGERS Aaaaah! die, die die die die, die die die die die die die die die.

Die die die

Die die die die die die die die

die die die die

die, die, die die die. All d a n c e .

ARMITAGE T h e n t h e r e a r e o t h e r s in A r k h a m . S o m e live h e r e . S o m e j u s t visit. T h e HEAD CULTIST, a MI-GO, a n d o t h e r s c r o s s t h e stage. V i l l a g e r s avoid t h e m . ARMITAGE (cont'd) T h e h e a d of t h e local cult, s o m e k i n d of h o r r i b l e m o n s t e r , I do not e v e n w a n t to know w h a t t h a t is. We n o r m a l folks j u s t look t h e o t h e r way a n d try not to lose o u r minds. A n d a m o n g ourselves, we get along j u s t fine. Well, of c o u r s e t h e r e a r e s o m e who t h i n k t h a t t h e magical E l d e r Sign is s h a p e d like a star, a n d s o m e who t h i n k it is s h a p e d m o r e like a t r e e , b u t t h a t is all s e t t l e d now. Now, w e j u s t try to.... Two MEN t a k e u p a n a r g u m e n t w h i c h e x p a n d s to t h e e n t i r e group. F I R S T MAN It's s h a p e d like a s t a r with a little f l a m e inside. SECOND MAN No, it's like a t r e e . It's got b r a n c h e s coming off it. F I R S T MAN I'm telling you it's a star. SECOND MAN U s e t h e s t a r o n e a n d you'll b e fighting off t h e Old Ones with y o u r b a r e h a n d s . It's a t r e e . F I R S T MAN Star!

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©2001 Branney/Lcman. All rights reserved.

SECOND MAN Tree! SOME VILLAGERS Star! OTHER VILLAGERS Tree! SOME VILLAGERS Star! OTHER VILLAGERS Tree! SOME VILLAGERS Star! OTHER VILLAGERS Tree! ALL Tentacles, Tentacles,

(singing) tentacles...tentacles! tentacles...tentacles!

ARMITAGE T e n t a c l e s . Like I said, you c a n n o t live in A r k h a m w i t h o u t coping with t h e Shoggoth on t h e Roof! Villagers exit. L i b r a r y s t e p s fly out to r e v e a l A r m i t a g e home.

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©2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.

SCENE ONE A c h a r m i n g 1920s bungalow. Discover MARION, t h e m o t h e r , w e a r i l y p o l i s h i n g living room f u r n i ture. PRUDENCE, the oldest daughter, sweeping t h e c a r p e t . A S E N A T H a n d JILL, t h e youngest, knitting on t h e couch. JILL Mother, w h e n will P a p a b e h o m e ? MARION Oh, you know your f a t h e r , d e a r . No d o u b t h e is busy cataloging s o m e o b s c u r e v o l u m e of forgotten l o r e a n d h a s c o m p l e t e l y lost t r a c k of time. JILL But it will b e d a r k soon. MARION He will b e fine, s w e e t h e a r t . Do not w o r r y ASENATH What a r e you a f r a i d of? T h a t h e ' l l b e a t t a c k e d by ghouls? JILL MARION A s e n a t h , t h a t is enough! I will h a v e no s u c h talk in this h o u s e . I am s u r e t h e r e is a p e r f e c t l y r a t i o n a l e x p l a n a t i o n for y o u r f a t h e r ' s delay. Maybe s o m e heavy book shelves fell on him. P e r h a p s t h r o u g h p u r e r a n d o m c h a n c e h e was h i t by a truck. It is p o s s i b l e h e was o v e r w h e l m e d by t h e b l e a k p o i n t l e s s n e s s of life a n d is even now d r i n k i n g himself into a s t u p o r in a s p e a k e a s y on F e d e r a l Hill. W h a t e v e r it is, Jill, honey, it is p e r f e c t l y n a t u r a l . T h e r e a r e no ghouls in Arkham. ASENATH Right. Oh!

MARION A s e n a t h , sit u p straight. Why can't you b e m o r e like P r u d e n c e h e r e ? R e s p e c t a b l e . Ladylike. ASENATH Lonely.... MARION A s e n a t h ! What am I going to do with you? P r u d e n c e , d e a r , p a y h e r no mind. You will f i n d s o m e o n e .

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©2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.

PRUDENCE It's all right, Mama. MARION S u c h a good girl. W h e n you a r e f i n i s h e d h e r e I n e e d y o u r h e l p m a k i n g t h e P a r k e r H o u s e rolls for d i n n e r . M a r i o n exits to t h e kitchen. ASENATH Sorry, P r u . PRUDENCE It's all right, A s e n a t h , I'm not as lonely a s you think. ASENATH W h a t ? W h a t a r e you talking a b o u t ? PRUDENCE I h a v e n ' t told a n y o n e yet, b u t last m o n t h I m e t a w o n d e r f u l man. At t h e library. H e ' s a genius! And very h a n d s o m e . B l o n d hair, p e n e t r a t i n g b l u e eyes.... ASENATH Well I never! What's his n a m e ? PRUDENCE H e r b e r t . H e r b e r t West. H e ' s a n a s s i s t a n t p r o f e s s o r at Miskatonic m e d i c a l school! ASENATH H a v e you p l a y e d d o c t o r with h i m yet? PRUDENCE A s e n a t h , not in f r o n t of Jill! ASENATH Oh, P r u d e n c e , d o n ' t b e so... p r e d i c t a b l e . Get with it! S h e ' s s e v e n t e e n . A n d s h e ' l l n e v e r l e a r n t h e facts of life f r o m o u r p a r e n t s . ARMITAGE e n t e r s t h r o u g h t h e f r o n t door. H e s e t s down a n a r m l o a d of books a n d a big key. ARMITAGE Good evening, girls. JILL Papa! PRUDENCE Good evening, P a p a . Marion enters from the kitchen. MARION Hello, d e a r . D i n n e r is almost ready.

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©2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.

ARMITAGE Gee t h a t is swell. I a m q u i t e hungry. MARION You girls go in a n d set t h e t a b l e , p l e a s e . I wish to s p e a k with y o u r father. T h e girls exit to t h e kitchen. MARION (cont'd) Henry, I am c o n c e r n e d a b o u t P r u d e n c e . S h e is still t e r r i b l y lonely. College may h a v e f i l l e d h e r h e a d with e d u c a t i o n , b u t s h e n e v e r m e t a s u i t a b l e man. ARMITAGE T h a t is t r u e . T h e boys at Miskatonic a r e r e a l l y a b u n c h of h o p e l e s s Poindexters. T h e girls p e e k out t h e k i t c h e n door, eavesdropping. MARION She is o u r eldest, Henry. I do not w a n t h e r to e n d u p like my s i s t e r E d n a . ARMITAGE No, c e r t a i n l y not. T h e family d o e s not n e e d a n o t h e r s t e r e o t y p i c a l N e w E n g l a n d spinster. MARION I t h i n k we n e e d to h e l p things along. ARMITAGE What do you suggest? MARION We c e r t a i n l y do not w a n t h e r consorting with t h o s e i g n o r a n t h e - m a n types f r o m t h e s h o e factory or some f o r e i g n e r f r o m t h e b r i c k works. ARMITAGE I s u p p o s e not. MARION She n e e d s s o m e o n e on h e r own level. T h e Whately f a m i l y h a s a boy t h a t might b e j u s t right. ARMITAGE You m e a n young W i l b u r ? Of t h e D u n w i c h Whatelys? MARION Yes. You know h i m ? ARMITAGE Sure. H e c o m e s to t h e l i b r a r y all t h e time. D r e s s e s funny, b u t very very bright. Almost p r e t e r n a t u r a l l y so. Of course, t h e r e a r e t h e r u m o r s . One h e a r s s t r a n g e things a b o u t D u n w i c h folk...

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©2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.

MARION We pay no m i n d to r u m o r s , Henry. P e o p l e a r e j e a l o u s a n d m o r b i d a n d t h a t is all t h e r e is to it. H e is an o r p h a n boy, on his own. He n e e d s a w i f e as m u c h as o u r P r u d e n c e n e e d s a h u s b a n d . I would like t h e f o u r of u s to h a v e a "get acquainted" luncheon. ARMITAGE Well t h a t s o u n d s like a f i n e idea. We can h a v e c o f f e e a n d s a n d w i c h e s , a n d a bit of cake. Music starts. MARION S p l e n d i d . Our s w e e t P r u d e n c e , a b r i d e at last. ["Arkham, Dunwich ]

ARMITAGE (sings) She is our daughter and we love her. MARION We want her happiness and joy. But here in Arkham it is hard to find a boy. ARMITAGE Even in Dunwich it's a problem. Suitable lads are seldom seen. BOTH We've looked since Prudence here turned sweet

sixteen.

Arkham, Dunwich, Arkham, Dunwich, filled with haunting fears; Neighbors who hide up in the attics, inbreeding happily for years. Arkham, Dunwich, Arkham, Dunwich, ancient haunted grounds; Finding a normal man's a challenge in these benighted little towns. MARION Wilbur is from a well-known family; powerful, prominent and rich. ARMITAGE And like the residents of Innsmouth,

smells like fish.

MARION His taste in clothing is peculiar. It's true he doesn't have good looks. But he's a scholar, always reading books. BOTH Arkham, Dunwich, Arkham, ancient haunted grounds; Neighborhoods hiding many strange and oppressive little

Dunwich, secrets, towns.

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©2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.

Arkham, Dunwich, Arkham, Dunwich, pickings here are slim; Prudence might not like Wilbur Whately, but we think she should marry him. ARMITAGE (speaking) I will go d r e s s for d i n n e r . MARION I will assist you. They exit to t h e b e d r o o m . T h e girls e n t e r f r o m t h e kitchen. ASENATH Oh, P r u d e n c e ! W i l b u r Whately? He's disgusting! Give m e a h e - m a n f r o m t h e s h o e factory a n y day! What a r e you going to do? PRUDENCE I'm going to go s e e H e r b e r t . H e ' l l know w h a t to do. P r u d e n c e b u n d l e s u p a n d r u n s out into t h e night. Watch out JILL f o r ghouls! Oh, A s e n a t h . What n e x t ?

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S C E N E TWO An A r k h a m g r a v e y a r d at night. E n t e r RANDOLPH CARTER a n d H A R L E Y WARREN, carrying shovels, flashlights, a n d heavy t e l e p h o n e equipment. CARTER They say ghouls h a u n t t h e s e A r k h a m g r a v e y a r d s by night, W a r r e n . WARREN If we f i n d w h a t I'm e x p e c t i n g to find, Carter, ghouls will b e t h e l e a s t of o u r troubles. CARTER S o m e h o w t h a t ' s not t h e r e a s s u r a n c e I was h o p i n g for. WARREN We're a l m o s t t h e r e . Get a h o l d of yourself, man. CARTER I don't know, W a r r e n . I've n e v e r actually d e f i l e d a n a n c i e n t g r a v e y a r d . Well t a k e itWARREN f r o m me, it's not as d i f f i c u l t as you think. CARTER T h a t ' s good to know. WARREN It's talking to t h e c o r p s e s t h a t c a n m a k e your h a i r s t a n d on e n d . A s t r a n g e m e e p i n g n o i s e offstage. CARTER What was t h a t ? WARREN P r o b a b l y nothing. I t h i n k w e ' r e close. (consults a s c a r y book) Yes, it s h o u l d b e j u s t about... h e r e ! Lights u p on a n a n c i e n t t o m b with an e l d e r sign on it. Musical chord. CARTER Warren, t h e e l d e r sign! Well, o n e v a r i a n t of it. WARREN T h e m a n b u r i e d i n s i d e t h a t t o m b was a p o w e r f u l a n d d a n g e r o u s s o r c e r e r in h i s day. They w e r e wise to t a k e p r e c a u t i o n s .

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CARTER But W a r r e n , it would b e m a d n e s s to b r e a k t h a t seal! God only knows w h a t f o r c e s would b e u n l e a s h e d ! WARREN Carter, it's t h e only way to p r o v e my theory. No Warren!CARTER T h a t a r c a n e symbol may b e all t h a t ' s holding b a c k u n t o l d horrors! WARREN Carter, we must know t h e truth! CARTER Why? Some things a r e b e t t e r left u n k n o w n ! WARREN T h e r e ' s only o n e way to c o n q u e r f e a r , Carter, a n d t h a t ' s to s t a r e it in t h e face. W a r r e n t a k e s a tool a n d b e g i n s to c h i p away at t h e s e a l on t h e tomb. A f t e r a m o m e n t , C a r t e r j o i n s him. A ghoul s p i e s on t h e m u n n o t i c e d f r o m b e h i n d a t o m b s t o n e . More m e e p i n g s o u n d s offstage.

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SCENE THREE T h a t night, P r u d e n c e a n d H E R B E R T WEST c l a s p h a n d s o u t s i d e t h e Miskatonic U n i v e r s i t y library. PRUDENCE Oh, H e r b e r t ! What s h o u l d we do? My p a r e n t s w a n t m e to m a r r y W i l b u r Whately! WEST Whately? T h a t tall, ugly guy? T h a t will n e v e r h a p p e n , P r u d e n c e . I n e e d you too much. PRUDENCE Oh, H e r b e r t ! You n e e d m e ? WEST More t h a n you can possibly imagine. PRUDENCE Oh, H e r b e r t ! WEST I will s p e a k to y o u r f a t h e r . I will c o n v i n c e h i m that, with you by my side, I c a n r e a c h u n d r e a m e d of heights, a n d m a k e t h e m e d i c a l e s t a b l i s h m e n t bow d o w n to my g r e a t n e s s ! PRUDENCE Oh, H e r b e r t , H e r b e r t , H e r b e r t ! They embrace.

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SCENE FOUR L a t e r t h a t night. J i l l a n d A s e n a t h ' s b e d r o o m . They h a v e t h e covers p u l l e d u p to t h e i r chins. M a r i o n is at t h e door. MARION Good night, girls. Do not let t h e b e d b u g s bite. JILL Good night, m a m a . T h e r e is a n odd s c r a t c h i n g n o i s e f r o m above. T h r o u g h t h e w i n d o w we c a n s e e a t e n t a c l e f r o m t h e Shoggoth on t h e roof t a p p i n g at t h e glass. JILL (cont'd) What's t h a t n o i s e ? MARION It is nothing, d e a r . Pay no a t t e n t i o n . ASENATH T h a t shoggoth's on t h e roof again. MARION It is j u s t t h e w i n d moving t h r o u g h s o m e t r e e b r a n c h e s . ASENATH (pointing at t h e window) Look! T h e r e it is! Marion goes to t h e w i n d o w a n d closes t h e curtains. MARION T h e r e , it is gone. Still t h e s c r a t c h i n g noise. T h e t a p p i n g . JILL I c a n still h e a r it. MARION Well, let it lull you to s l e e p . Good night. S w e e t d r e aJILL ms, mama.

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MARION Girls, for me s l e e p h o l d s t h e shocking f i n a l p e r i l w h i c h g i b b e r s u n m e n t i o n a b l y o u t s i d e t h e o r d e r e d u n i v e r s e , w h e r e no d r e a m s r e a c h . M a r i o n exits. T h e girls c l i m b out of b e d , revealing t h a t t h e y ' r e still fully d r e s s e d . ASENATH All right, Jill, a r e you r e a d y ? JILL I d o n ' t know A s e n a t h , now it d o e s n ' t s e e m like s u c h a good idea. ASENATH C'mon, we c a n s n e a k in a n d out in no time. Dad will n e v e r know t h e d i f f e r e n c e ! JILL But A s e n a t h , some of t h e books in t h e l i b r a r y a r e d a n g e r o u s . P a p a h a s w a r n e d u s so m a n yAtimes! SENATH Jill, t h e y ' r e j u s t books. How d a n g e r o u s could t h e y b e ? Oy.

JILL

ASENATH Listen, P r u d e n c e h a s h e r m a d scientist. She m e t h i m in t h e l i b r a r y I w a n t a n i n c u b u s of my own to t a k e m e in h i s hot, p o w e r f u l arms. JILL Well... ASENATH Come on. It will b e f u n . JILL Okay. T h e girls s n e a k to t h e f r o n t d o o r a n d t a k e t h e l i b r a r y key t h e i r f a t h e r left w h e n h e e n t e r e d . T h e y s n e a k out of t h e h o u s e a n d p a n t o m i m e w a l k i n g as t h e set c h a n g e s to r e v e a l t h e Miskatonic L i b r a r y R a r e Book Room. B e h i n d t h e c o u n t e r , t h e r e is a cage t h e size of a j a i l cell f i l l e d with books. V e r y moody lighting. ASENATH H e r e is t h e vault of t h e r a r e s t a n d most e s o t e r i c books in t h e library. Oh A s e n a t hJILL , be careful. A s e n a t h o p e n s t h e cage d o o r w i t h t h e key. Lights u p dim on b o o k s h e l v e s f u l l of c r e e p y volumes.

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ASENATH Look, Jill, h e r e t h e y all a r e . T h e E l t d o w n S h a r d s . Cultes d e s Goules. L i b e r Ivonis. U n a u s s p r e c h l i c h e n Kulten. All s e v e n cryptical books of H'san! JILL Wow, look at t h a t one! Spotlight u p b r i g h t e r on T H E NECRONOMICON. Musical chord. ASENATH The Necronomicon! JILL Oh, A s e n a t h ! A s e n a t h r e a c h e s out to t o u c h it. J i l l s t o p s her. JILL (cont'd) No! Not t h a t one, A s e n a t h . Any one b u t t h a t one. T h e N e c r o n o m i c o n is not a toy. ASENATH Oh, all right. (she t a k e s a d i f f e r e n t book) T h e L i b e r Ivonis. Also know as t h e Book of Eibon. V e r y old a n d p o w e r f u l . Now I'm t h a n k f u l t h a t d a d m a d e u s t a k e L a t i n as o u r elective. JILL A m o r vincit o m n i a et nos c e d a m u s amori! A s e n a t h c h e c k s t h e i n d e x at t h e b a c k of t h e book. ASENATH Let's see. Summoning, summoning... Ah, h e r e it is. Hmmm. No i n c u b u s e s . Oh, d a r n . JILL ASENATH D i m e n s i o n a l shambler... JILL Too rugose. ASENATH H u n t i n g horror... JILL Mmmm, no arms. ASENATH Nightgaunt...

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JILL T h e y ' r e good for a laugh b u t in t h e e n d they always d u m p you in t h e m i d d l e of n o w h e r e . I've h e a r d . ASENATH Shoggoth... JILL Ewww! ASENATH Byakhee... JILL B y a k h e e ? What's h e like? ASENATH (reads) "An i n t e r s t e l l a r r a c e , t a m e , t r a i n e d , b l a h b l a h b l a h , c a p a b l e of flying t h r o u g h t h e v a c u u m of s p a c e a n d c a r r y i n g a r i d e r . " Cool! Light s o m e c a n d l e s a n d we'll c h e c k h i m out. J i l l a n d A s e n a t h light c a n d l e s a n d quickly prep a r e a magic circle. A S E N A T H (cont'd) Yesh s h i r u m a yalkey. U t u k xul t a a r d a t a . K a k h t a k t a m e n ias selah. K a k h t a k t a m e n ias s e l a h . Music starts. A S E N A T H (cont'd) B a r a n a zu a b s u B y a k h e e . B y a k h e e b y a k h e e tu a m a xul. (she b e g i n s to sing) [Byakhee Byakhee byakhee fly me through space Byakhee" ] Take me away, far from this place. Byakhee byakhee what can I do To go for a ride with you? JILL Byakhee byakhee now heed my call. I've done the spells. I've done them all. Out of tartarean darkness appear And fly me away from here. ASENATH The boys we meet are so dreary. JILL So boring, and we both want a thrill.

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BOTH We're really terribly weary At least that's the theory, we're virgins

still.

As for real dating we're both quite repressed. Boys here in town don't pass the test. We want to go on a dangerous spree. Yes, we want to try byakhee. Music c o n t i n u e s u n d e r . ASENATH (speaks) Jill, I h a d no i d e a you w e r e so i n t e r e s t e d in boys. JILL Well s u r e . I'm a b o u t to g r a d u a t e high school. It's 1926. I'm a m o d e r n girl. But I don't w a n t j u s t any boy. I'm looking for s o m e o n e s p e c i a l . ASENATH Sure. A r e n ' t we all? JILL (sings) Sister, dear sister, The boy that I want to find Is wild, intense, He'll make me lose my mind! But still a nice man, a good man. Yes? Sure! I want Who's Loyal Who's

a man who's thrilling, deeper than the sea, and fulfilling, thrilled with me!

ASENATH Sister, dear sister, Your goals are a bit too high. Men, my dear, are monsters. But please don't ask me why. There is no nice man, no good man. It's true. So if I must I'm damned I'll summon And go from

have monsters, if I'll despair. up a real one, there.

JILL Wait, I hear a flapping

sound.

ASENATH Jill, there's something going on. Well now who would have guessed it: my little black book is The Book of Eibon!

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A h i d e o u s BYAKHEE d e s c e n d s to t h e stage f r o m above. ASENATH (cont'd) Byakhee byakhee I hear your

wings.

JILL I smell... a smell. ASENATH What are those things? BOTH Byakhee byakhee What have we done? This suddenly isn't fun. ASENATH I don't know how to describe you. JILL To see you is a mind-blowing

thing.

BOTH Not moles, crows, nor ants are quite like you, Nor partially decomposed human beings. Aaaaaah!! Byakhee byakhee now that you're here I've changed my mind, I'm filled with fear. People who go with you don't reappear. So leave me alone. I'll stay at home. I will forget we ever met. I must not and won't recall! They blow out t h e c a n d l e s . BLACKOUT.

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SCENE FIVE T h e g r a v e y a r d . A ghoul still s p i e s on C a r t e r a n d W a r r e n , w h o h a v e f i n i s h e d c h i p p i n g at t h e t o m b a n d a r e a b o u t to lift it. WARREN All right, Carter. Now h e a v e w i t h all y o u r might. CARTER Warren, a r e you sure.... WARREN Yes, d a m m i t , yes! CARTER OK. With g r e a t effort, t h e y r e m o v e t h e lid of t h e tomb. Musical c h o r d . V a p o r s w a f t u p f r o m below. C a r t e r s t e p s back. CARTER (CONT'D) My god, t h e stench! WARREN Bracing, isn't it? Warren readies the telephone equipment. Carter a p p r o a c h e s t h e o p e n t o m b again. CARTER My god, a r e t h o s e s t e p s l e a d i n g d o w n ? WARREN Yes. Built over two h u n d r e d y e a r s ago. CARTER What's d o w n t h e r e ? WARREN I can't t e l l you. CARTER Why not? WARREN You c o u l d n ' t h a n d l e it.

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CARTER I t h i n k I could. Probably. WARREN No, not this. It's too t e r r i b l e . You've b e e n b r a v e , b u t y o u ' r e still not ready. You must stay on t h e s u r f a c e w h i l e I f a c e e l d r i t c h n a m e l e s s h o r r o r s t h a t d e f y description. CARTER But I can't stay u p h e r e all alone! WARREN I'll k e e p you i n f o r m e d of every move. T h a t ' s w h a t all t h i s t e l e p h o n e g e a r is for. You won't be alone, Carter. A f t e r all, t h e r e a r e p r o b a b l y ghouls all over t h e place. CARTER T h a t ' s not funny, Warren. WARREN All right, forget it. Let's p a c k u p a n d go. I'm sorry I e v e n b r o u g h t you t h i s far. CARTER No, no. I'll b e all right. I'll stay u p h e r e . I'll w a t c h y o u r back. Yes, t h a t ' s WARREN it. I n e e d you on t h e s u r f a c e . Watching my back. CARTER Through the phone. W a r r e n t a k e s his t e l e p h o n e a n d a flashlight. H e r e a d i e s h i m s e l f to d e s c e n d . WARREN All right, I'm going down. CARTER Okay. WARREN I'll tell you w h a t I see. CARTER Right. WARREN You'll b e h e r e , right? CARTER Yeah. WARREN Okay, I'm going down.

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CARTER Okay. Good luck. WARREN Okay, h e r e I go. CARTER Uh huh. WARREN Into t h e u n s p e a k a b l e abyss. CARTER To p r o v e y o u r theory. WARREN Yes. CARTER T h a t you've b e e n working on for years. Exactly.

WARREN

CARTER The answers are down there. WARREN In t h e d a r k . A n d t h e stench. CARTER It's f i e n d i s h work. But y o u ' r e t h e guy. WARREN Right. I'm t h e guy. Okay, h e r e I go. W a r r e n d o e s n ' t move. C a r t e r s t e p s f o r w a r d a n d p u s h e s h i m d o w n t h e stairs. CARTER Don't forget to call me. WARREN Aaaah!

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SCENE SIX T h e c h u r c h of t h e E s o t e r i c O r d e r of Dagon. T h e HEAD CULTIST r e a d s to h i m s e l f f r o m a scary looking book. M e m b e r s of t h e c o n g r e g a t i o n e n t e r a n d sit on b e n c h e s . A b o u t half of t h e m w e a r r o b e s with cowls t h a t cover t h e i r faces. OBED MARSH lights c a n d l e s . E n t e r J i l l a n d A s e n a t h , w h o sit. JILL A s e n a t h , we r e a l l y s h o u l d n ' t b e doing this. ASENATH Don't b e a f u d d y - d u d d y . It'll b e f u n . B e s i d e s h a v e you s e e n t h e h e a d cultist? He's d r e a m y . And w h a t a body! JILL But A s e n a t h , P a p a g r o u n d e d u s for using t h e Book of E i b o n to s u m m o n t h a t Byakhee. If h e f i n d s out we a t t e n d e d a cult c e r e m o n y , I don't know w h a t h e ' l l do. You know how h e f e e l s a b o u t cultists. ASENATH Well, h e won't f i n d out, will h e ? Besides, it's not like w e ' r e h e r e to w o r s h i p t h e p o w e r s of d a r k n e s s . W e ' r e j u s t h o p i n g to m e e t guys. JILL But even if you m e e t s o m e o n e , w h a t c a n you do w i t h h i m ? ASENATH Watch a n d l e a r n , little sister. JILL (blushing) Oh, A s e n a t h ! You a r e wicked. I m e a n , s u r e , p r e m a r i t a l — you know — s o u n d s promising, b u t I w a n t s o m e t h i n g more. S o m e o n e m a t u r e . A f a m i l y man, someone with r e a l l y old f a s h i o n e d values. S o m e o n e with a d r e a m . S o m e o n e who... ASENATH Shhh, it's starting. T h e H e a d Cultist stands. HEAD CULTIST It is time, let u s begin. (reading) T h a t is not d e a d w h i c h c a n e t e r n a l lie... And in s t r aALL n g e a e o n s even d e a t h may die.

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T h e H e a d Cultist doffs his robe, r e v e a l i n g his m u s c l e d body w e a r i n g only a s p a r k l y r h i n e s t o n e c o d p i e c e . Other cultists t h r o w b a c k t h e i r hoods, r e v e a l i n g t h e i r h o r r i d fish-like visages. As t h e H e a d Cultist sings, h e c h a i n s a f e m a l e Victim to his altar, a n d d i s e m b o w e l s h e r with a h u g e dagger. HEAD CULTIST ["Shoggoth P r a y e r " ]

to the D e e p 0nes (sings ) May Cthulhu come to collect you, May He bring you madness and pain. Rising from the sea, To drive humanity insane. May you be like Dagon and Hydra May you finally live 'neath the waves. Kill humanity And speed them to their charnel graves.

ALL Come Cthulhu, And shorten their lives. D E E P ONE TENOR May Cthulhu fill our shoggoth prayer for you. ALL la Cthulhu, Wgah-nagl fhtagn. D E E P ONE T E N O R May He send his horrible nightmares

to you.

HEAD CULTIST May Cthulhu waken from slumber, Bringing mankind horror and woe. Hear us Cthulhu! Accept our sacrifice. O hear our shoggoth prayer. ALL Great One! Die die die die die die die die die die die die...etc. T h e D e e p Ones p e r f o r m a h o r r i d b l a s p h e m y of a d a n c e . A f t e r t h e d a n c e c o n c l u d e s , Cultists a n d D e e p Ones a l i k e b e g i n to s h u f f l e out of t h e church. HEAD CULTIST T h a n k you everyone, we'll s e e you on Tuesday. R e m e m b e r to b r i n g y o u r items for t h e b a k e sale... ASENATH Oh Jill, j u s t look at him. W h a t a h u n k , w h a t a voice. C'mon, let's follow h i m down to t h e b e a c h .

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JILL I'll c a t c h u p with you. M a r s h c l e a n s u p t h e m e s s m a d e by t h e h u m a n sacrifice. Jill watches from behind a column.

MARSH T h e m s is a goin' to swim out to sea. T h e m D e e p Ones. T h e m ' s ' n e a t h t h e waves, not stuck s h u f f l i n g a r o u n d I n n s m o u t h ' s r o t t e n wharves. G r e a t Cthulhu, you d r i v e many, m a n y cultists crazy. I r e a l i z e a i n ' t no s h a m e to b e a c r a z e d bloodt h i r s t y devil w o r s h i p p e r , b u t it's no g r e a t honor, e i t h e r . So w h a t w o u l d h a v e b e e n so t e r r i b l e if n I w a s one of t h e m fish things? ["If I W e r e a D e e p One"]

H e b e g i n s to sing. If I were a Deep One, Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub. All day long I'd swim beneath the sea. If I were a De-ep One. Terrify the tourists. Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub. If I were an icky icky fish, Scaly, slipp'ry frog-eyed kind of man. I'd make my lair a deep dark cave with some Right in the heart of Devil's Reef. A foul abode of pestilent coral walls. The ramulose and arabesque floriation Spiralling so far beyond belief With ichor seeping from my chamber halls.

fungus,

I'd fill the reef with wrecks and corpses and ships, And men for my friends to see and hear. Begging mercy as water fills their lungs. And each loud "ahhh" and "eek" and "help" and "God no" Would scare off the townfolk far and near, As if to say "There live the Deep Ones." If I were a Deep One, Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub. All day long I'd swim beneath the sea. If I were a Deep One. Drag away some tourists. Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub. If I were an icky icky fish, Scaly, slipp'ry frog-eyed kind of man.

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I see my kin, the Marshes, hopping like some fish-frog things With their bulging milky eyes, Worshipping Dagon with the unholy rites. I see them putting on crowns and shuffling like a shoggoth Ahhh, what a hellish sight they are. Croaking at the sea both day and night. The most psychotic men in town would come a lookin' fer me! They would ask me to adjure them, Like the Mad Arab himself. "If'n you please, Old Man Marsh..." "Oh tell me Old Man Marsh..." Asking questions that would drive the mad insane! Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub. And it won't make one bit of diff'rence if'n I answer right or wrong. When you 're deep, they think you really

know!

If I were fish, I'd have the gills that I lack To swim down below to deep R'lyeh. And maybe have a seat on Cthulhu's tomb. And I'd discuss the R'lyeh Text with some Deep One friends Countless hours every day Fixin' fer the humans' final doom. If I were a Deep One, Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub. All day long I'd swim beneath the sea If I were a Deep One. Get to eat the tourists, Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub. Cthulhu you make the people run, You saw fit that flippers have I none. Don't you reckon that I'd get more done, If I were a Deep One? Old Man M a r s h spots Jill. MARSH (cont'd) What a r e ye lookin' at, girly? E h ? JILL T h a t was...wonderful. 'Twere?

MARSH JILL

Oh yes. S o m e t i m e s I d r e a m a b o u t i n t e r m i n g l i n g with t h e D e e p Ones. Ye do?

MARSH

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JILL Well, s o m e t i m e s . I'm Jill, J i l l A r m i t a g e . MARSH Obed Marsh. But you c a n call me Old Man Marsh. Ye s h u r a r e purty. N i c e broad hips fer breedin'. JILL Um, thanks. MARSH Don't hold m u c h with c o u r t i n ' myself. What say ye f o l l e r m e d o w n to my s h a c k by t h e w h a r f ? JILL Oh t h a t would b e lovely, b u t I'm not s u r e w e ' r e w e l l a c q u a i n t e d e n o u g h for m e to visit without a c h a p e r o n e . I r e a l l y s h o u l d go now. My s i s t e r ' s w a i t i n g for me. MARSH But.... JILL S e e you a r o u n d , Mr. Marsh. S h e leaves.

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©2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.

SCENE SEVEN Miskatonic library, a few days later. A r m i t a g e s t a n d s at t h e r a r e book c i r c u l a t i o n desk. WILBUR WHATELY e n t e r s , with books. H e is e x t r e m e l y ugly a n d very very tall. WHATELY I h a v e c o m e to r e t u r n t h e s e books, P r o f e s s o r Armitage. ARMITAGE Ah, Wilbur. I a m glad t h a t you a r e h e r e . I h a v e s o m e t h i n g I w i s h to d i s c u s s with you. WHATELY If you a r e c o n c e r n e d a b o u t t h e o v e r d u e copy of t h e P n a k o t i c M a n u s c r i p t , I a s s u r e you I will r e t u r n it n e x t week. ARMITAGE You h a v e b e e n saying t h a t e v e r s i n c e t h e solstice, Wilbur. But t h a t is not it. You know I h a v e a d a u g h t e r , P r u d e n c e ? WHATELY Yes, I h a v e s e e n h e r h e r e b e f o r e . ARMITAGE S h e is a n e d u c a t e d girl, Wilbur, with m a n y f i n e q u a l i t i e s . P e r h a p s you w o u l d like to ask h e r f o r a d a t e ? WHATELY A date? ARMITAGE You know, show h e r a good time. WHATELY Ah, yes. I could show h e r m a n y i n t e r e s t i n g t i m e s indeed.... ARMITAGE E x c e l l e n t . You s h o u l d call on u s this w e e k e n d f o r lunch, a n d we will a r r a n g e an i n t r o d u c t i o n . WHATELY T h a t is a c c e p t a b l e . Music begins.

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ARMITAGE Wonderful. ["Arkham, (he b e g i n s to sing) Dunwich" She is our daughter and we love her. reprise] WHATELY I do not sing. Music c o m e s to a g r i n d i n g halt. ARMITAGE Ah, no, of c o u r s e not. Well, t h a t is fine. My w i f e a n d I will e x p e c t you. Good day. WHATELY W i l b u r exits. A r m i t a g e c h e c k s in t h e l i b r a r y books. E n t e r P r u d e n c e a n d H e r b e r t West, h o l d i n g hands. ARMITAGE P r u d e n c e . You j u s t m i s s e d Mr. Whately. What a s h a m e . I h a d h o p e d to introd u c e you. PRUDENCE P a p a , this is H e r b e r t West. We h a v e s o m e t h i n g to t e l l you. ARMITAGE H e r b e r t West? Yes, I h a v e h e a r d of you. Doctor H a l s e y says you a r e a d a n g e r ous m a n i a c . WEST I t h i n k you'll f i n d Doctor H a l s e y is singing a d i f f e r e n t t u n e t h e s e days. ARMITAGE But w h a t is it you w a n t e d to tell m e ? PRUDENCE H e r b e r t isn't a d a n g e r o u s m a n i a c , P a p a . H e ' s a genius. A n d we a r e in love! What?

ARMITAGE

WEST P r o f e s s o r Armitage, I would like y o u r c o n s e n t to m a r r y y o u r d a u g h t e r . ARMITAGE T h i s c o m e s a s q u i t e a shock. »

WEST P r u d e n c e is my i d e a l subj... c o m p a n i o n f o r t h e g r e a t work I h a v e yet to do. ARMITAGE Your g r e a t work? What is t h a t ?

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WEST Let m e show you. They p a n t o m i m e walking as t h e l i b r a r y set c h a n g e s to H e r b e r t ' s s e c r e t laboratory. T h e r e a r e s e v e r a l g u r n e y s with CORPSES on t h e m a n d lots of e l a b o r a t e m a c h i n e r y . ARMITAGE W h e r e a r e we? WEST This is my c l a n d e s t i n e laboratory, w h i c h I b u i l t with my own h a n d s a f t e r Doctor H a l s e y f o r b a d e m e to u s e t h e university's m e a g e r facilities. PRUDENCE Isn't it w o n d e r f u l , P a p a ? Music starts. ARMITAGE Good h e a v e n s , a r e t h e s e h u m a n c a d a v e r s ? WEST Indeed they are. ARMITAGE What on e a r t h do you p l a n to do with t h e m ? WEST ["To Life"]

(sings) To life, to life, I'll bring them! I'll bring all these dead men to life! PRUDENCE He's learned a way for surviving WEST Really reviving

them.

them.

PRUDENCE He can do it! To life, to life, he brings

them.

WEST I really do bring them to life. I have a genius with chemicals. PRUDENCE Also polemicals. WEST Yes, it's true there's been strife.

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ARMITAGE This is really the most shocking thing I've ever heard, and I have heard a few. PRUDENCE Oh it's really not so shocking. If you were a dead man you might like it too. WEST To life, to life, I'll bring them! With one small injection, like this. PRUDENCE Think of it, Papa, we'll never die. Live for forever! ARMITAGE My! WEST 'Cause I bring them to life! Music c o n t i n u e s u n d e r n e a t h . ARMITAGE (speaks) Well, I m u s t say, t h i s is amazing. West h o l d s u p a syringe of glowing g r e e n fluid. WEST I b e g a n e x p e r i m e n t i n g on s m a l l a n i m a l s of v a r i o u s kinds, a n d p e r f e c t e d a solution w h i c h r e a n i m a t e s d e a d tissue. PRUDENCE See, P a p a ? She r e v e a l s s e v e r a l m o n s t r o u s h i d e o u s l y d e f o r m e d c r e a t u r e s w r i t h i n g on a t a b l e . ARMITAGE Yes. WEST W h e n I w a s s u r e my solution worked, I b e g a n to t e s t it on h u m a n s u b j e c t s . PRUDENCE Here, Papa. Prudence reveals a disembodied human hand w h i c h w a l k s a r o u n d on its f i n g e r t i p s . Also disatt a c h e d e y e b a l l s w h i c h look a r o u n d a n d blink. ARMITAGE T h a t is fascinating.

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WEST And in t h e end, I was even a b l e to c o n v i n c e Doctor H a l s e y t h a t my m e t h o d s were sound. With a p r o u d smile, P r u d e n c e r e v e a l s Doctor Halsey, n o w a t e r r i f y i n g zombie with a g a p i n g b u l l e t w o u n d in his f o r e h e a d . As t h e m u s i c swells again, h e sings horribly.... HALSEY (sings) To life, to life, he brings

them!

WEST I brought Doctor Halsey to life. Of course I first had to kill the man With some ingenious plan. PRUDENCE He just shot him! WEST Okay, it's true, I shot him. I shot him, but brought him to life! He has no reason to want to live, I do: she's yours to give. Prudence here as my wife! PRUDENCE Oh Papa dear I want to marry Since he has a power Once reserved for God.

Herbert,

ARMITAGE I never could say no to you my darling, Even though young West should face a firing squad! ALL T H R E E To life, to life, we'll bring it! PRUDENCE A marriage WEST For better ARMITAGE Or worse. ALL T H R E E And if that life has no quality, Still there's the quantity. We will bring it to life!

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HALSEY Die die die die die die die die die die die die die.... Prudence, Armitage and Zombie Halsey continue singing a n d d a n c i n g a r o u n d , w h i l e West i n j e c t s all t h e c o r p s e s on t h e g u r n e y s with t h e glowing fluid. One by o n e t h e y come to life a n d b e c o m e zombies, staggering a r o u n d t h e stage with w e i r d f a n t a s t i c d a n c i n g a n d singing. T h e o t h e r s stop to watch. HALSEY (cont'd) Wa ga naghl f'thagn Death is sweet to some f'thagn Dance and know that even death can wither and die. Wa ga naghl f'thagn Death will surely come f'thagn Dance and know that even death can wither and die. HALSEY & ZOMBIES Even life eternal is not time enough to see All the folly and despair of poor humanity. Wa ga naghl f'thagn Death is sweet to some f'thagn Dance and know that even death can wither and die. Hey! T h e Z o m b i e s do a d a n s e m a c a b r e , a n d t h e living p e o p l e j o i n in. All d a n c e to a w i l d conclusion. ALL To life! BLACK O U T

E N D ACT ONE.

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ACT TWO

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©2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.

SCENE ONE T h e old graveyard. T h e o p e n tomb. Crickets. Offstage, C a r t e r s c r e a m i n g . It gets louder. S u d d e n l y h e r u s h e s a c r o s s t h e stage, c h a s e d by a ghoul. CARTER A a a a a a h h ! L e a v e m e alone!! They exit t h e o t h e r side. Silence. T h e c r i c k e t s r e s u m e . T h e offstage s c r e a m i n g . T h e n , way u p s t a g e , t h e ghoul c h a s e s C a r t e r a c r o s s again. CARTER (cont'd) Knock it off! I'm not kidding! T h e y ' r e gone. S i l e n c e . Again t h e crickets. T h i r d time. Downstage. T h e s c r e a m i n g . C a r t e r e n t e r s r u n n i n g . H e t r i p s a n d falls down. T h e ghoul is right b e h i n d . H e lunges, f l i e s over Carter, hits t h e ground, r o l l s a n d c o m e s u p on h i s feet. CARTER (cont'd) All right, t h a t ' s enough. Let's go. C a r t e r picks u p a shovel. As t h e fight starts, t h e t e l e p h o n e rings. C a r t e r a n s w e r s a n d c a r r i e s on t h e c o n v e r s a t i o n w h i l e fighting t h e ghoul. CARTER (cont'd) H e l l o ? W a r r e n , is t h a t you? Lights u p on W a r r e n , in a crypt. H e h a s his e n d of t h e p h o n e . Lights f a d e on C a r t e r a n d t h e ghoul. WARREN My god, if you c o u l d s e e w h a t I am seeing. CARTER W a r r e n , w h a t is it?

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WARREN Carter, it's t e r r i b l e ! It's... a total bust. T h e r e ' s nothing h e r e b u t s o m e old b o t t l e s a n d c i g a r e t t e butts. CARTER Oh, I'm s o r r y to h e a r it. Ouch. I g u e s s t h a t ' s n o t w h a t you w e r e expecting. WARREN Wait! I s e e a n i n s c r i p t i o n cut into t h e living rock of t h e t o m b itself. (Reads.) " A s e n a t h was here"... Damn! CARTER U h h u h . Oooof! T h a t ' s OWWW! Sorry. WARREN Carter, w h a t ' s going on u p t h e r e ? CARTER U m m m , well, AAAAH. Quit it! WARREN Carter? Carter? CARTER Curse t h i s h e l l i s h thing! My god! W a r r e n s t a r t s to r u n b a c k t o w a r d t h e s u r f a c e . WARREN B r a c e up, Carter! I'm on my way! CARTER Yeah, a b o u t d a m n time! Lights c r o s s f a d e a s W a r r e n e m e r g e s f r o m t h e t o m b to s e e C a r t e r at t h e m e r c y of t h e ghoul. WARREN Carter! C a r t e r swings h i s shovel a c c i d e n t a l l y clocking W a r r e n in t h e h e a d . W a r r e n t u m b l e s b a c k into t h e tomb. C a r t e r p r e s s e s on u n t i l t h e ghoul is d e f e a t e d a n d s c a m p e r s off. W a r r e n again e m e r g e s from the tomb bleeding from the head. WARREN (cont'd) Ow. CARTER (mocking) " P r o b a b l y ghouls all over t h e place." Yeah, no kidding! WARREN Well, um... A r e you all right?

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CARTER No t h a n k s to you. L e a v e m e a l o n e in ghoul c e n t r a l w h i l e you go d o w n to look at s o m e t e e n a g e hangout. WARREN Sorry a b o u t that. CARTER Could h a v e b e e n killed. WARREN Sorry. CARTER Jerk. WARREN I thought t h e r e would b e f o r b i d d e n s e c r e t s d o w n t h e r e . It's t h i s a c c u r s e d book. It's actually very h a r d to r e a d . CARTER Yeah y e a h y e a h . WARREN Well it is. CARTER Whatever. Come on, let's go.

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©2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.

S C E N E TWO Arkham street. Armitage walks home alone. ARMITAGE Well, H e r b e r t West is c e r t a i n l y a n o d d fellow, b u t it is c l e a r my d a u g h t e r loves him. And h e d o e s h a v e a c e r t a i n c o m p e l l i n g p o w e r . A little m i s g u i d e d maybe, b u t at least h e is not a cultist. T h e m a i n thing is for P r u d e n c e to b e h a p p y . But w h a t will I say to M a r i o n ? S h e h a s h e r h e a r t set on W i l b u r Whately! S o m e h o w I d o u b t s h e will b e as i m p r e s s e d by t h e zombies as I was. I m u s t c o n v i n c e h e r Dr. West is t h e right man. E n t e r two ghouls. ARMITAGE (cont'd) A a a a h ! Begone, foul a p p a r i t i o n s ! T h e ghouls attack Armitage. E n t e r C a r t e r a n d W a r r e n , still with t h e shovels, flashlights, etc. WARREN Carter, ghouls a r e a t t a c k i n g t h a t d i g n i f i e d old g e n t l e m a n ! CARTER Geez, not more! W a r r e n a n d C a r t e r fight off t h e ghouls with t h e i r shovels. They r u n off w h i m p e r i n g into t h e night. ARMITAGE T h a n k you very much, Mr. C a r t e r . S t r e e t s a r e h a r d l y s a f e at night a n y m o r e . C a r t e r a c c i d e n t a l l y c r e a m s W a r r e n a g a i n in t h e h e a d with his shovel. W a r r e n lets out a blood-curdling yowl. CARTER This f r e a k i n ' town is c r a w l i n g w i t h ghouls! S o m e t h i n g b a d is coming. I c a n f e e l it. I'm going to h a v e n i g h t m a r e s f o r w e e k s a f t e r tonight. ARMITAGE N i g h t m a r e s ? Say, M a r i o n always w a n t s to h e a r a b o u t a n i g h t m a r e . T h a t ' s it! T h a n k s again f o r y o u r h e l p . A r m i t a g e exits. CARTER Whatever.

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©2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.

WARREN Oh, my h e a d . Come on, Carter. Let's go. W h e r e d i d you p u t t h e c a r ? CARTER It was right h e r e , on Aylesbury. WARREN I thought it w a s on Gainsville. CARTER Was it? I can n e v e r r e m e m b e r . They look a r o u n d , s t u m p e d . As t h e lights f a d e to black, C a r t e r a n d W a r r e n t u r n on t h e i r f l a s h l i g h t s a n d exit.

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©2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.

SCENE THREE The Armitages' bedroom. Complete darkness. A r m i t a g e c r i e s out. ARMITAGE Ah! L a v i n i a Whately! T h e old witch! MARION What? What is it? ARMITAGE No! Stop! Help! MARION Henry, w a k e up! Marion t u r n s on t h e b e d s i d e lamp, r e v e a l i n g A r m i t a g e t h r a s h i n g in b e d . ARMITAGE Get away f r o m me! MARION (shaking him) Henry! What is t h e m a t t e r with you? You a r e h a v i n g a n o t h e r b a d d r e a m . ARMITAGE (opening his eyes, f r i g h t e n e d ) W h e r e is s h e ? W h e r e is s h e ? MARION Who? W h a t a r e you talking a b o u t ? ARMITAGE Vinny Whately. W i l b u r ' s s t r a n g e a l b i n o m o t h e r , L a v i n i a Whately. She was s t a n d i n g h e r e a m o m e n t ago. MARION •

Henry, do not b e ridiculous. Vinny Whately d i e d last year. ARMITAGE To b e fair, Marion, no o n e knows t h a t f o r sure. It is t r u e s h e h a s not b e e n s e e n s i n c e t h a t night t h e w h i p p o o r w i l l s c a m e d o w n on S e n t i n e l Hill, b u t t h e r e n e v e r was a f u n e r a l for her.

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©2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.

MARION H e n r y Armitage! I do not w a n t you paying h e e d to t h o s e D u n w i c h r u m o r s . "Lavinia is still alive." "Wilbur's b r o t h e r is a foul m u t a n t t h e y k e e p locked in t h e attic." "The f a t h e r of t h e Whately boys is t h e u n h o l y god of m a d n e s s , Yog Sothoth." T r u s t me, Henry, V i n n y Whately is d e a d . You h a d a n o t h e r of your typical n i g h t m a r e s . T e l l me w h a t you d r e a m t . ARMITAGE It was t e r r i b l e . MARION Tell me. ARMITAGE Okay, b u t do not say I d i d not w a r n you. MARION As if a n i g h t m a r e of y o u r s could s c a r e me a f t e r t h e things I h a v e s e e n in t h i s town! ARMITAGE All right, t h i s was my d r e a m . In t h e beginning, I w a s w a l k i n g t h r o u g h a n old g r a v e y a r d n e a r Big Cypress Swamp. It was a c e l e b r a t i o n of s o m e kind. E v e r y o n e we k n e w was t h e r e , a n d P a u l W h i t e m a n a n d h i s o r c h e s t r a . As h e speaks, MEN, WOMEN, a n d T H E PAUL WHITEMAN ORCHESTRA e n t e r t h e b e d r o o m . Henry, w e a r i n g his p a j a m a s , gets out of b e d a n d joins them. ARMITAGE (cont'd) In t h e m i d d l e of t h e graveyard, in walks y o u r g r a n d m o t h e r P r u d e n c e , may s h e rest in p e a c e . MARION G r a n d m a P r u d e n c e ! ? How d i d s h e look? Well, we h aARMITAGE v e s e e n worse. N a t u r a l l y , I w e n t u p to g r e e t h e r . S h e s a i d to me... GRANDMA P R U D E N C E e n t e r s , e s c o r t e d by a GHOUL.

["The N i g h t m a r e " ]

GRANDMA P R U D E N C E (sings) You thought that I was dead. GHOUL Knock it o f f , knock it o f f . GRANDMA P R U D E N C E But you were quite misled. GHOUL Nothing more than a cough.

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GRANDMA P R U D E N C E I've had a lovely rest Since I met Herbert West The great reanimator. MARION H e r b e r t West? GRANDMA P R U D E N C E He's really very bright. GHOUL He's a prof! He's a prof! GRANDMA P R U D E N C E If you don't mind a fright. GHOUL Nerves will be badly o f f . GRANDMA P R U D E N C E For Pru it would be best To marry Herbert West The great reanimator. MARION Marry H e r b e r t West?! S h e must h a v e h e a r d wrong. S h e m e a n t W i l b u r Whately. ARMITAGE You must have heard wrong, Grandma, It's not Herbert, It's Wilbur Whately, Grandma, That dear Pru is gonna wed. GRANDMA P R U D E N C E No!!!! It must be Herbert, Henry, My great grandchild, My little Prudence, who you named for me, Herbert's wife was meant to be. She'll never have to die. CHORUS Walk it o f f , walk it o f f . GRANDMA P R U D E N C E Or even say good-bye. CHORUS That's a thing not to scoff. GRANDMA P R U D E N C E I'm really quite impressed with darling Herbert West, The great reanimator.

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MARION But we a l r e a d y took out a n ad in t h e social register. We a l r e a d y a g r e e d to h a v e l u n c h with Wilbur! ARMITAGE But we announced it, Grandma, in the papers. And Wilbur Whately, Grandma, we were gonna meet for lunch. GRANDMA P R U D E N C E No!!!! So you announced it, Henry, That's your problem. As for that Whately kid I say to you, Henry, that's your problem too. CHORUS You thought that she was dead, Knock it o f f , knock it off That's not what Herbert said! Walk it o f f , walk it o f f . With just a small syringe, And research on the fringe, He's a reanimator! ARMITAGE But w h a t a b o u t W i l b u r ? CHORUS A great reanimator! ARMITAGE I n e v e r liked h i m anyway. A great reanima... CHORUS Shhhh! Shhh! Look, who is this? Who is this? Who comes here? Who who who who? What woman is this, all furtive and GHOUL Could it be? F I R S T GUEST Sure. SECOND GUEST Smells like fish. PAUL WHITEMAN I'll say!

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misshapen?

©2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.

GHOUL Who could be

mistaken?

CHORUS It's the wizard's girl come from beyond the grave. It's the wizard's strange creepy albino girl. Vinny Whately! Vinny Whately! Vinny Whately.... T h e ghost of LAVINIA WHATELY r i s e s u p f r o m a grave. LAVINIA Armitage! Armitage! Armitage! What is this about your daughter marrying

my

Wilbur?

CHORUS Her sweet Wilbur! LAVINIA Don't you know she's destined for his fearsome older

brother?

CHORUS Older brother! LAVINIA If you think your stupid daughter Prudence

will escape me,

CHORUS Will escape her! LAVINIA Then you're also very stupid and you will be sorry. CHORUS Very sorry! LAVINIA Plans! For her we have big plans! They plan to take your daughter in their arms, Their many mouths, their tentacles, To feed their twisted lust! CHORUS Her sons plan to take your Into their arms!

daughter

LAVINIA Tentacles! CHORUS Mouths! LAVINIA Tentacles!

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©2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.

CHORUS Lust! LAVINIA Tentacles! CHORUS Tentacles! LAVINIA Tentacles! CHORUS Yes!!! LAVINIA Armitage! CHORUS Armitage! Stage b u s i n e s s : A r m i t a g e t r i e s to e s c a p e f r o m Lavinia. LAVINIA Prudence has to marry Wilbur for his older brother. CHORUS He's a monster! LAVINIA Then my boys will have your daughter in their evil Evil

clutches.

CHORUS clutches!

LAVINIA They'll consume her soul and feast upon her naked

body.

CHORUS Naked body! LAVINIA Then up on the hill the boys will call upon their father. CHORUS Yes, their father! Shhhhh! Lights change, very d r a m a t i c a n d ominous.

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LAVINIA When Prudence marries my sweet son, The horror will start. She'll live about three weeks, 'Cause when three weeks are up, He'll take her straight upstairs, The tentacles will uncurl, and... This they'll give your Prudence That they'll give your Prudence This they'll give your Prudence That's what will happen when she marries my sweet

Wilbur!

T h e C h o r u s s c r e a m s a n d runs. L a v i n i a c h o k e s A r m i t a g e a n d t h e n leaves. A r m i t a g e c l i m b s b a c k into b e d with Marion. MARION M e r c i f u l heavens! What a n a w f u l d r e a m . We s h o u l d h a v e known t h e r e was s o m e t h i n g wrong with Wilbur. H e c o m e s f r o m t h e m o r e d e c a d e n t s i d e of t h e Whately family. ARMITAGE Yes, t h a t a n d t h e s t r a n g e l u m p s u n d e r h i s clothing. MARION Well, o r d i n a r i l y I p u t no stock in d r e a m s , b u t if my g r a n d m o t h e r P r u d e n c e c a m e all t h e way b a c k f r o m t h e d e a d to t e l l u s to avoid W i l b u r Whately, t h e n I t h i n k we ought to p a y a t t e n t i o n . ARMITAGE Me too. MARION (sings) If Grandma Prudence said knock it o f f , knock it o f f , It's Herbert Pru will wed, he's a prof, he's a prof. She'll never have to die, Or even say good-bye, With her reanimator. ARMITAGE To Wilbur I'm averse. MARION Always thought he was o f f . ARMITAGE His brother's even worse. MARION And their father's no scoff. ARMITAGE Our worries are addressed, She'll marry Herbert West,

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MARION The great reanimator. BOTH The great reanimator. The great reanimator. The great reanimator. M a r i o n goes b a c k to s l e e p . ARMITAGE Whew!

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SCENE FOUR M a r s h ' s shack. Dim. T h e s m e l l of rotting fish. A f o g h o r n wails a n d gulls s c r e e c h . E n t e r Jill, e s c o r t e d by Marsh. MARSH H e r e ye be, girly. Be w a t c h i n ' yer step. M a r s h lights a l a n t e r n , r e v e a l i n g a d e n of fouln e s s a n d iniquity. C r u d e l y d r a w n p i c t u r e s of D e e p Ones d e c o r a t e t h e walls. JILL Oh my, it's so... cozy. MARSH It k e e p s t h e s u n out. An a w k w a r d p a u s e . MARSH (cont'd) Well, s u p p o s e ye'll b e w a n t i n ' to git it over with. Ye kin s c r e a m if n ye w a n t to. Ain't no o n e to h e a r ye. JILL I'm in no rush. MARSH What? JILL Couldn't we j u s t talk for a w h i l e ? What?

MARSH Jill pushes aside some dead fish and finds a w e i r d gold b r a c e l e t . JILL

What's t h i s ? It's b e a u t i f u l . T h a t ' s f r o mMARSH t h e D e e p Ones. Me P a p p y give it me. JILL Oh. T h a t ' s sweet. (she p o i n t s to t h e pictures) Is t h a t y o u r family?

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MARSH Aye. I'll b e a-joinin' 'em o n e o' t h e s e days. JILL T h a t ' s nice. MARSH Or they'll kill me. JILL Gosh, my family w o u l d n e v e r do anything like t h a t for me. Marsh begins a lecherous advance. JILL (cont'd) Why, Old Man Marsh, w h a t a r e you doing? MARSH Ain't ye a f r a i d o' me, girly? JILL Jill. My n a m e is Jill. MARSH Jill. Jill. Ye know how t h e D e e p Ones 'ud say t h a t ? S h e s h a k e s h e r h e a d . H e m a k e s a h o r r i b l e croaking b e l c h noise. JILL T h a t ' s my n a m e ? MARSH Yep. It b e . JILL Let m e try. S h e d o e s a h o r r i b l e c r o a k - b e l c h . He giggles obscenely. S h e giggles sweetly. MARSH T h a t w e r e mighty fine. JILL 'Twere? They s t a r e into e a c h o t h e r ' s e y e s a n d c l a s p h a n d s . H e c r o a k s again. T h e n s h e croaks. As they croak b a c k a n d f o r t h at e a c h o t h e r , M a r s h extinguishes the lantern.

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SCENE FIVE At t h e b e a c h , t h e H e a d Cultist s t a n d s b e f o r e t h e sea, d e l i b e r a t e l y tossing in p e b b l e s . Asenath enters. ASENATH Hi, I'm A s e n a t h . Mind if I j o i n in? HEAD CULTIST Our cult? ASENATH No, I j u s t m e a n t t h e rock skipping. H E A D CULTIST Actually, I'm t h r o w i n g in t h e s e p e b b l e s to s u m m o n s o m e m o r e D e e p Ones f r o m Devil's Reef. ASENATH Oh. Well t h a t ' s OK too. S h e too s t a r t s tossing p e b b l e s . H E A D CULTIST I saw you at o u r occult r i t u a l t h e o t h e r day. ASENATH You d i d ? H E A D CULTIST Well it's not every day I s e e a girl like you every day down at t h e E s o t e r i c O r d e r of Dagon Hall. I m e a n , most of t h e girls a r o u n d h e r e h a v e t h a t I n n s m o u t h look. But you, you're... ASENATH Go on. HEAD CULTIST Shucks, I d u n n o know. I m e a n , h a v e you ever looked at s o m e o n e a n d r e a l i z e d in a n i n s t a n t you feel... ASENATH Sanity f l e e i n g y o u r skull? H E A D CULTIST Uh, no.

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ASENATH A s e n s e of lost t i m e a n d vague r e c o l l e c t i o n s of c y c l o p e a n a r c h i t e c t u r e ? Urn...

HEAD CULTIST

ASENATH T h a t y o u ' r e living on a p l a c i d i s l a n d of i g n o r a n c e a m i d s t t h e b l a c k s e a s of infinity f r o m w h i c h it was not m e a n t we s h o u l d voyage f a r ? HEAD CULTIST A s e n a t h , I'm trying to tell you something. ASENATH Could you sing it? I can't get e n o u g h of t h e s o u n d of y o u r voice.

["Victim of Victims"]

HEAD CULTIST (sings) Victim of victims, Asenath, oh Asenath, I saw you sitting in that pew, Looked in your eyes and Asenath, oh Asenath, Loved you more than Cthulhu. Victim of victims, Asenath, oh Asenath, I knew that you would fit the bill, But since Cthulhu must come back and attack I love one whom I must kill. When Deep Ones die for Great Dagon, That is a sacrifice. When Whately reads the Necronomicon, That is for sacrifice too. But of all my sacrifices large and small The most nihilistic one of all Is when I fin 'ly thrust the knife inside It will be inside my bride. ASENATH Cultist of cultists, paradise oh paradise, You look at me and raise your knife, Cut off my clothes and paradise oh paradise You take me to be your wife. When you rip off that codpiece, yes! I'll be your sacrifice. When I, in my passion, finally get undressed, 'Twill be my sacrifice, ooh. BOTH But of all our sacrifices small and great The one that will fin'ly seal our fate Is the one that blasts our sanity I want you to marry me. They m a k e out f e r o c i o u s l y a n d b e g i n to d i s r o b e .

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HEAD CULTIST Wait. No, stop. ASENATH What is it? HEAD CULTIST Don't you t h i n k we s h o u l d ask your P a p a ' s p e r m i s s i o n a n d get m a r r i e d f i r s t ? ASENATH Tomorrow. We'll ask him tomorrow. They r e s u m e t h e c o n s u m m a t i o n of t h e i r p a s s i o n as t h e lights f a d e out.

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SCENE SIX In t h e Miskatonic Library, J i l l a n d Old Man M a r s h a p p r o a c h Armitage. JILL Hello, p a p a . MARSH P e r f e s s e r Armitage. ARMITAGE Why hello, Jill. And Mister Marsh. We d o n ' t o f t e n s e e you I n n s m o u t h folk h e r e in t h e library. MARSH N e v e r d i d hold m u c h stock in books. D a m n e d things fall a p a r t w h e n they get wet. JILL P a p a , O b e d h a s a q u e s t i o n for you. Oh yes?

ARMITAGE MARSH

I w e r e w o n d e r i n ' if n ye h a v e any books on s q u i d . JILL Obed! What Obed m e a n s to say P a p a , is t h a t w e a r e in love a n d w a n t to get married. MARSH R e c k o n ye c a n a b i d e t h a t ? JILL Papa? ARMITAGE Well, it is a bit of a shock. JILL We're in love, a r e n ' t we O b e d ? MARSH Aye, w e be.

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ARMITAGE Jill, you a r e my youngest d a u g h t e r . Old Man M a r s h h e r e is a d e c r e p i t d e g e n e r a t e o c t o g e n a r i a n . No o f f e n s e . MARSH None taken. ARMITAGE Not only t h a t honey, h e h a s got t h e I n n s m o u t h look. Why if one w e r e to p u t any stock in t h e old f o l k l o r e of t h e region, you w o u l d know t h a t it is a well-establ i s h e d r u m o r t h a t M a r s h a n d his kinfolk h a v e b e e n i n t e r b r e e d i n g with h o r r i d fish frog m o n s t e r s for c e n t u r i e s . JILL I know P a p a . I know all a b o u t t h e D e e p Ones. A f t e r t h e w e d d i n g , we p l a n to move to t h e i r s u n k e n city of Y ' h a - n t h l e i a n d so I c a n i n t e r b r e e d w i t h t h e m a n d s p a w n foul progeny too. ARMITAGE Oh. According to t h e copy of t h e P o n a p e S c r i p t u r e I k e e p u n d e r lock a n d key, Y ' h a - n t h l e i is mighty f a r f r o m A r k h a m . Will you c o m e h o m e for C h r i s t m a s ? MARSH Don't reckon. ARMITAGE (aside) T h i s p l a n is m a d n e s s . How c a n I a c q u i e s c e to s u c h p e r v e r s i o n ? JILL ["Very F a r From the Home I Love"]

How Hear Why Very

(sings) can I hope to make you see my way me, Dad, I've gone mad I must travel to Y'ha-nthlei far from the home I love.

Once I was happily content to stay Here in town on dry ground Far from the monsters who would come to prey; Prey on the home I love. Who could see that Old Marsh would come Who would add foul shapes to my dreams? Lovestruck now I stand with him, Watching wholesome dreams go dim. Oh, what a psychopathic choice I make, Swimming far, growing gills, Breeding with Deep Ones just for Obed's sake Very far from home I love. I just decided on this yesterday, I will stay, far away, Who could imagine such a horrid thing Very far from the home I love, Yet with Old Man Marsh I'm home.

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ARMITAGE No. I c a n n o t a n d must not p e r m i t this. JILL P a p a , w e ' r e not r e a l l y asking f o r y o u r p e r m i s s i o n . But we w o u l d like to go with y o u r blessing. ARMITAGE (aside) My b l e s s i n g ? Bless t h e u n i o n of my youngest w i t h a n a n c i e n t m a l o d o r o u s b a t r a c h i a n ? U n t h i n k a b l e ! Swimming off to j o i n a n u n d e r s e a colony of D e e p Ones? You know w h a t it is? It is t h o s e t e n t a c l e s I told you a b o u t . T e n t a c l e s ! But look at them. S h e loves him. Ah well. (to them) You h a v e my b l e s s i n g to marry. JILL Oh, P a p a , t h a n k you! MARSH T h a n k i n ' ye, P a p a . ARMITAGE P r o f e s s o r A r m i t a g e to you. JILL C'mon, Obed, let's go pack. They leave. ARMITAGE What e l s e could I do? One w a n t s a m a d scientist, t h e o t h e r w a n t s a n old m a n who s m e l l s like cod. What n e x t ? A s e n a t h e n t e r s a r m in a r m with t h e H e a d Cultist. ASENATH P a p a , t h e H e a d Cultist f r o m t h e E s o t e r i c O r d e r of Dagon H a l l a n d I a r e going to get m a r r i e d . ARMITAGE A cultist? M a r r y a cultist? A s e n a t h , do you r e a l i z e w h a t t h a t m a n is? ASENATH He has a name, Papa. ARMITAGE All t h e s e cultist types h a v e n a m e s . H e j u s t w a n t s you f o r y o u r b o d y ASENATH A n d I w a n t h i m for his. It's i n c r e d i b l e .

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ARMITAGE No, I m e a n r e a l l y f o r y o u r body. T h e s e cultists, t h e y t r e a t you like a q u e e n o n e day a n d t h e n e x t t h i n g you know you a r e on t h e i r a l t a r , h a n d s a n d f e e t b o u n d , a s a c r i f i c i a l d a g g e r stuck in y o u r h e a r t , b l o o d c a s c a d i n g onto t h e floor a n d y o u r e n t r a i l s s t r e w n all a r o u n d t h e room as a d e t e s t a b l e o f f e r i n g to s o m e g r o t e s q u e a n d n o i s o m e G r e a t Old One! ASENATH But P a p a — ARMITAGE No, A s e n a t h ! No! N e v e r talk of t h i s again! N e v e r s p e a k h i s n a m e to m e again! Never! Do you u n d e r s t a n d ? ASENATH P a p a , I beg you to a c c e p t us. ARMITAGE (aside) A c c e p t t h e m ? How c a n I a c c e p t a cultist? Can I d e n y my c r u s a d e against t h e r e t u r n of t h e G r e a t Old Ones? On t h e o t h e r h a n d , c a n I d e n y my d a u g h t e r ? On t h e o t h e r h a n d , c a n I e x p e d i t e t h e d e s t r u c t i o n of m a n k i n d ? On t h e o t h e r hand... t h e o t h e r h a n d is a t e n t a c l e ! (to them) No, A s e n a t h , no, no, no! T h e r e s i d e n t s of A r k h a m a p p e a r b e h i n d a transp a r e n t c u r t a i n as A s e n a t h a n d h e r Cultist slink off. TOWNSPEOPLE (sing) Tentacles. Tentacles. Tentacles.

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SCENE SEVEN O u t s i d e t h e library. P r u d e n c e a n d H e r b e r t ' s w e d ding is u n d e r w a y . T h e villagers in a t t e n d a n c e . Enter Carter and Warren. WARREN I'm telling you, C a r t e r . We w e r e in t h e wrong graveyard. If we j u s t dig right through.... CARTER W a r r e n , let t h e h e l l i s h legions h a v e t h e day off for once. It s e e m s like a n i c e w e d d i n g of s o m e kind. A n i c e b u f f e t t a b l e . Why d o n ' t we try to r e l a x a n d e n j o y the party? C a r t e r goes to t h e b u f f e t t a b l e a n d gets a d r i n k . WARREN ( a p p r e c i a t i n g t h e buffet) It's f i e n d i s h work, b u t it h a s to b e done. H e d r o p s his g e a r a n d also goes to t h e b u f f e t table. A PRIEST I now p r o n o u n c e you m a n a n d wife. You may kiss t h e b r i d e . H e r b e r t kisses P r u d e n c e . Cheering. VILLAGERS Congratulations! Best wishes! Mazeltov! etc. ZOMBIE HALSEY Congratulations, H e r b e r t . She's lovely. It c o u l d n ' t h a v e h a p p e n e d to a n i c e r guyWEST T h a n k s for b e i n g my b e s t man, Doctor H a l s e y A s m a l l b a n d s t r i k e s u p 1920s d a n c e music. P e o p l e do t h e Charleston. P r u d e n c e goes to h e r p a r e n t s . M a r i o n is weeping. PRUDENCE Oh Mother! Oh P a p a ! T h i s is t h e h a p p i e s t day of my life! MARION My little P r u d e n c e !

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ARMITAGE We wish you all t h e best, my d a r l i n g . MARION Oh Henry, how I wish t h a t A s e n a t h and... ARMITAGE No, do not s p e a k h e r n a m e . We h a v e two d a u g h t e r s left, let u s b e h a p p y for them. No m o r e of t h i s talk! J i l l a n d M a r s h come over. JILL Congratulations, P r u d e n c e . Y o u ' r e so lucky. PRUDENCE Thanks, Jill. M a r s h s h a k e s H e r b e r t ' s h a n d , l e e r i n g at Prudence. JILL Welcome to o u r family, Dr. West. WEST H e r b e r t . T h a n k you Jill. MARSH Hey, H e r b , if n ye die, c a n I h a v e y e r b r i d e too? I'm c e r t a i nWEST t h a t won't b e necessary. ZOMBIE H A L S E Y Hey everybody, it's t i m e f o r d a n c i n g a n d food! T h e d a n c e b a n d plays l o u d e r , e v e r y o n e d o e s t h e C h a r l e s t o n . W a r r e n goes b a c k f o r s e c o n d s at t h e b u f f e t . T h e r e a r e two ghouls e a t i n g cake. H e j o i n s them. A s e n a t h a n d t h e H e a d Cultist e n t e r , f o l l o w e d by o t h e r cultists a n d D e e p Ones. T h e m u s i c stops. JILL Asenath! PRUDENCE A s e n a t h ! W h a t a r e you doing h e r e ? ASENATH I c o u l d n ' t let my o l d e r s i s t e r get m a r r i e d w i t h o u t w i s h i n g h e r t h e best. PRUDENCE But Papa....

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ASENATH I w a n t e d him to see. T h e cultists a r e good p e o p l e . Yes, they kill w i t h o u t m e r c y a n d a r e a l l i e d w i t h t h e f o r c e s of d a r k n e s s , b u t t h e y h a v e f e e l i n g s too. A n d a m a z i n g p o w e r . T h e D e e p Ones h a v e an a n c i e n t c u l t u r e . And I love t h e m .

ARMITAGE No, begone, all of you! You h a v e n o p l a c e h e r e ! HEAD CULTIST T h a t ' s w h e r e y o u ' r e wrong, sir. W e ' r e a p a r t of t h i s c o m m u n i t y j u s t like you. We b r e a t h e t h e s a m e air, f e e l t h e s a m e sun, a n d yes, we h a v e t h a t s a m e shoggoth on o u r roof. It's t h e t e n t a c l e s . Good a n d evil, cultist a n d victim, t h e t e n t a c l e s h o l d us all t o g e t h e r in b a l a n c e a n d harmony. Music swells. ["Arkham, Dunwich" second reprise]

(sings) She is your daughter and

you... S u d d e n l y W i l b u r Whately e m e r g e s f r o m t h e library. H e is h o l d i n g t h e N e c r o n o m i c o n . H e s t a n d s at t h e top of t h e s t e p s w h e r e all c a n see. Music c o m e s to a g r i n d i n g halt.

WHATELY C e a s e t h a t singing! P e o p l e of A r k h a m ! P r u d e n c e was to h a v e b e e n my wife. Now s h e is given to a n o t h e r . A n d I w a s not e v e n invited to t h e wedding! A r m i t a g e looks e m b a r r a s s e d . WHATELY (cont'd) Now you will f e e l w r a t h . Now you will know regret. ARMITAGE Wilbur, no! N e v e r r e a d a l o u d f r o m t h e Necronomi... WHATELY (reading f r o m t h e book) la, la, Cthulhu! C t h u l h u R'lyeh w a g h nag'l f'tagn! HEAD CULTIST NooooooH! A t e r r i f y i n g r u m b l i n g sound. An e a r t h q u a k e . Panic spreads. MARION Henry, w h a t is h a p p e n i n g ? ARMITAGE Oh my god, Marion, I f e a r t h e worst! PRUDENCE Papa!

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WEST Prudence! ASENATH Honey? HEAD CULTIST T h i s is going to b e r e a l l y b a d . Wow, I h a v e s u c h mixed feelings. Old Man M a r s h s u d d e n l y b e g i n s to t r a n s f o r m into a D e e p One. JILL Obed! MARSH G r e a t Cthulhu! I'm a' changin'! VILLAGERS A a a a a a a h h ! NoooH! H e e e e e l p ! etc. C T H U L H U h i m s e l f r i s e s u p b e h i n d t h e library. H e is e n o r m o u s . He s t e p s on a house. H e r e a c h e s d o w n a n d picks u p m e m b e r s of t h e d a n c e b a n d a n d e a t s t h e m . He picks u p t h e p r i e s t a n d e a t s h i m too. P e o p l e s c r a m b l e . West t a k e s P r u d e n c e a n d t h e y try to r u n . C t h u l h u s t e p s on t h e m . C t h u l h u s e e s W i l b u r W h a t e l y on t h e l i b r a r y steps. He p i c k s him up. WHATELY G r e a t Cthulhu! No! It was I who a w a k e n e d you! A a a a a a h ! C t h u l h u e a t s him. CTHULHU What's going on h e r e ? Silence. CTHULHU (cont'd) Well? ARMITAGE It... it is a wedding, G r e a t Cthulhu. We w e r e j u s t trying to h a v e a little w e d d i n g c e r e m o n y for my d a u g h t e r . CTHULHU I d i d n ' t b r i n g a gift. ARMITAGE T h a t is all right. We w e r e not r e a l l y e x p e c t i n g you. Good.

CTHULHU

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ARMITAGE In fact, I kind of w i s h you h a d not come at all. CTHULHU What? ARMITAGE Well, for one thing t h e b u f f e t t a b l e is c l e a r l y not big e n o u g h now. Human, ["Do You F e a r Me?"]

CTHULHU

(begins to sing) Do you fear me? ARMITAGE Do I what?! CTHULHU Do you fear me? ARMITAGE Do I fear you? You just killed my eldest daughter And then crushed her fiance. Ate the band. Ate the priest, Like they were fish filet! You have some real aggression. C t h u l h u lifts A r m i t a g e into t h e air.

CTHULHU H u m a n , let m e r e p h r a s e t h e q u e s t i o n . Do you fear me? ARMITAGE You're a god! CTHULHU Yes... But do you fear me? ARMITAGE Do I fear you? For such a big guy it seems absurd You would need to be assured. The earth is yours, you rule the sea. If you're such a big guy, why talk about Fear to me? Cthulhu drops Armitage. Scream. Thud.

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CTHULHU When you have a reputation As this horrible thing, You don't know, do they fear? Is their cringing quite sincere? Or do people simply tell you What they think you want to hear? And so I'm asking, really, Do you fear me? ALL EXCEPT CTHULHU That's insane! CTHULHU Perhaps... But do you fear me? ALL EXCEPT CTHULHU Do we fear him? T H E CULTISTS For millions of years we've worshipped

him

T H E VICTIMS Dreamed of him T H E D E E P ONES Killed for him. ALL EXCEPT CTHULHU Millions of years, our souls are his. If that's not fear, what is? CTHULHU Then you fear me? ALL EXCEPT C T H U L H U Yes of course we do. CTHULHU Aaaaaaah. Now it's time to vanquish Yes, now that I'm awake... CTHULHU You must succumb.

you.

ALL E X C E P T CTHULHU We must succumb.

ALL After millions of years, CTHULHU My time has come.

ALL EXCEPT CTHULHU Your time has come. As t h e m u s i c s w e l l s in a b e a u t i f u l r e p r i s e , C t h u l h u d e s t r o y s t h e u n i v e r s i t y a n d t h e city. T h e walls t u m b l e , e v e r y o n e is c r u s h e d or s t e p p e d on. E v e r y o n e is d e a d .

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©2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.

CTHULHU P h n g l u i mgwah nahf, C t h u l h u R'lyeh wgah nagl ftagn! C t h u l h u c r u s h e s t h e o r c h e s t r a itself a n d continu e s h i s r a m p a g e as h e exits. All is s i l e n t for a m o m e n t . T h e B y a k h e e f l i e s through. S u d d e n l y H e r b e r t ' s h a n d e m e r g e s f r o m t h e r u b b l e , h o l d i n g a glowing g r e e n syringe. H e i n j e c t s himself a n d staggers to h i s feet, zombified. H e f i n d s P r u d e n c e a n d i n j e c t s h e r . T h e y i n j e c t Armitage. West gives A r m i t a g e a syringe a n d h e i n j e c t s Marion. T h e z o m b i e s survey t h e devastation. ARMITAGE Well H e r b e r t , it looks like y o u r work is cut out for you. WEST Why b o t h e r , P r o f e s s o r ? I m e a n , t h a n k s for t h e vote of c o n f i d e n c e , b u t t h e G r e a t Old Ones will b e r e t u r n i n g . PRUDENCE Yes, P a p a . H e c a n ' t k e e p r e a n i m a t i n g t h e e n t i r e w o r l d over a n d over again. MARION And even if h e could, w h a t is left for u s now? N o t h i n g b u t to f l e e to t h e p e a c e a n d safety of a n e w d a r k age. (sings) ["Miskatonic"] Cthulhu has returned, The Old Ones will be back. WEST They'll kill. And

PRUDENCE crush.

MARION And still attack. WEST (speaks) It's over. T h e r e ' s n o t h i n g we c a n do to stop it now. ARMITAGE Oh yes there is. PRUDENCE You have a plan? MARION Or a dream?

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©2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.

ARMITAGE (speaks) They c a n d e s t r o y t h e town, a n d t h e l i b r a r y building, t h e y c a n e v e n kill all of us. But they c a n ' t kill knowledge. A n d as long as t h e k n o w l e d g e survives, t h e r e will always b e a Miskatonic. A r m i t a g e t a k e s h i s syringe a n d b e g i n s to r e a n i m a t e corpses. A

WEST memory.

P R U D E N C E & MARION The ancient lore. ALL What do we have? Just a chance. We have Miskatonic. West also b e g i n s to r e a n i m a t e c o r p s e s . More syringes a r e p a s s e d out, a n d as t h e song continues, t h e w h o l e cast is g r a d u a l l y r e a n i m a t e d a n d j o i n s in singing. ALL (cont'd) Miskatonic, Miskatonic, Ivy-league wanna be Miskatonic, It fills the brain and chills the heart. Miskatonic, Miskatonic, Paranoid, desperate Miskatonic, The knowledge gained here is the start. Somehow I will find a way to persevere, Using what I learned while I was here At Miskatonic. I believe in Miskatonic Personal, mystical Miskatonic, Dear little college, little school of mine. Music r e p e a t s / s e g u e s into a c u r t a i n call. T h e cast m e m b e r s bow a n d leave in t h e r e v e r s e o r d e r in w h i c h t h e y w e r e r e a n i m a t e d . A r m i t a g e is t h e last to leave, a n d as h e exits h e s e e s t h e SHOGGOTH c l i m b b a c k u p onto t h e roof of t h e d e m o l i s h e d l i b r a r y b u i l d i n g a n d w r i t h e grotesquely. E N D ACT TWO.

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