90 Days To Communication Excellence - Unknown.pdf

ommunication xce enceM Genie Z. Laborde

©1985 Genie Z. Laborde

90 Days to Communication Excellence:

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by Genie Z. Laborde Published by Syntony Publishing ISBN 0-9613-: 1450 Byron Street Palo Alto, California 94301 415/324-4550

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This workbook contains concepts from Influencing with InTegri:y: Management Skills for Communication and Negotiation by Genie Z. Laborde Published by Syntony Publishing You may charge to Visa, Mastercard or American Express, or send check. Discounts for multiple orders.

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NINETY DAYS TO COMMUNICATION EXCELLENCETM

GENIE Z. LABORDE

i PREFACE Watching and listening to people who seem to have natural talent for effective communication, experts have concluded that these people's strength is not what they say, but how: they say it. Most great communicators have in common certain skills of influence. This work-book presents some of these skills, which are useful in 95 percent of the communication situations you face. The best method for learning these skills is to select one skill to practice each day. This work-book presents simple exercises at first then more complex ones. Space is provided for recording the successes which occur during the acquisition of these skills. Using this work-book for ninety days will give you a command of communication which may surprise you. While the focus here is on business communication, the skills are useful anywhere people interact. The recognition and practice of these skills lead to better choices, better decisions, and even better thinking processes. In spite of its importance, most of us seldom think about communication. Talking (only one of many ways of communicating) is like breathing. We have done it as long as we can remember, and we certainly do not know how we do it. Sometimes talking is more comfortable than at other times, but basically words come, turn into sentences, and talk just happens. We may suspect sometimes that we could be better at communication, but where to start? Effective communication begins with the recognition that each of us is unique and different. Sometimes we do not seem to be speaking the same language even when we are using the same words. Good communication skills bridge these differences. Bridging skills are influencing skills; they increase understanding and improve the quality of the goals of each individual in the communication process. Business people in seminars across the United States and throughout Europe are learning these techniques of influence. The result of a merger of psychology and linquistics, this technology was first called Psycho-linquistics. From this evolved the Neuro-linquistics model. Now comes the Syntonic model, a new science designed especially for analyzing and producing excellence in communication. The name derives from the word syntony, which means to be in harmony with self and with others-an appropriate goal for the use of these powerful techniques.

ii The Syntonic model is concerned with the how (or process) of communication, not the what (or content). Syntonics separates the intricacies of the communication process into discrete steps of easily understood information. Knowing these steps enables you to interact with others successfully. The first step toward mastery of communication is to know what you want. For many people, this is the most difficult step. Once you know your desired outcome (see Chapter 1), you need three skills in order to get it.

•

The first skill is sensory acuity. You need to see more and hear more than most people do. This is learnable. You may be surprised at the sensory skills you learn just from using this book.

• The second skill is flexibility. If you are not getting the response you want when you talk, you need to be able to change your behavior until you do. • The third skill is congruence. All of your sub personalities - the leader, the follower, the ambitious part, and the goff-off - need to agree on what you want. The alignment of all your different parts will produce congruence in communication. You already have the skills necessary to begin. Some of you have developed these skills more than others. No matter what level of communication skills you have developed, you will find fine-tuning in these pages. The work-book is designed to help you get what you want by using your innate skills consciously as well as unconsciously. Copyright 1985 Genie Z. Laborde 90 Days to Communication Excellence $9.95. Published by Syntony Publishing, 1450 Byron Street Palo Alto, California 94301. Outside California call 800-228-4069. In California call 415-324-4450 This workbook contains concepts from Influencing' with Integ'rity: Manal(ement Skills for Communication and ~eg'otiation, $16.95, by Genie Z. Laborde, Published by Syntony Publishing, You may charge to Visa, ~1asterCard or American Express or send check. Discounts for multiple orders. ------

-------

INTRODUCTION PICK a safe place to practice these Neuro-Iinguistic skills. Do not take risks. The conscious mind can handle only seven plus-or-minus two bits of information at one time. These exercises take up most of those bits. Carefully select the people to play with. Most important of all, enjoy the process. You are off to an exciting adventure, and the more you enjoy the adventure, the deeper your learning.

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

._---~ DATE

1

Eye movements are not random. Eye movements help us retrieve information and "make sense" of our world. Watch other people's eyes move in an upward direction today. These movements may be quick flicks or they may last for some time. Simply notice eye movements up and each time you catch one, say to yourself, "VISUAL." Visuals sometimes look straight ahead and defocus. If you see this occuring, say to yourself, "VISUAL." HAVE FUN

WHAT HAPPENED

TODAY?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

_

2

Today, watch eye movements down right. Our language reflects the intuitive knowledge of this purposeful movement of eyes down right to retrieve or elicit feelilngs--emotions. The phrase, "He was downright angry," is commun in certain parts of the United States. Our feelings usually surface more easily when our eyes move down right. This eye movement is the normal one for right-handed people. There are exceptions, of course. A few people's eyes move down left to search for emotions, even when they are right-handed. Today, watch for eye movements down right only. When you find an eye movement down right, say to yourself, "Kinesthetic: this person is kinesthetic." Do not be discouraged if you do not find a lot of eye movements in this direction. You are only beginning. What sort of eye movements did you find today?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

III,•••_-----

DATE

3

Today, watch eye movements at the mid-point of the eyes--Ieft or right movements of the eyes at the mid-point. This left-right shift is an auditory eye movement. This left-right shift may go fast or slowly. When you see this, say to yourself, "AUDITORY: this person is auditory." S/he listens to the world to make sense of what is going on.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

4

Today, notice whole bodies and their repetetive movements. Does the other person pace back and forth or swing one leg while sitting or tip his/her body left or right? Do their body movements reinforce or contradict what they are saying with their words? Also, notice when you have rapport. Can you break rapport and re-establish it? Find a safe place to practice this.

WHAT HAPPENED?

If you are having difficulty with these exercises, Influencin2' with Inte2'rity: Mana2'ement Skills for Communication and Ne2'otiation will give you additional insights, information and definitions. Fine Tune Your Brain, presenting even more strategies, will be published in 1985. Additional books are listed in the bibliography of Influencin2' with Inte2'rity. COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

••

DATE

5

This day, pay attention to gestures, hand movements that occur at intervals. Do the gestures emphasize certain points the other person is making? Are the gestures seemingly random? Chances are the gestures are not random. Can you find patterns, connections between the words spoken and the gestures used?

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

6

These daily assignments fall into two groups: one group is for improving your sensory awareness to the point of sensory acuity. The other group of exercises is to help you sort out what it is you want day-to-day. This latter is called the ability to set outcomes. What is your major outcome for today? What would you like to accomplish, feel or gain today? From now on each page will remind you that you can select your outcomesacuity. for each day. Your day's outcome is in addition to mastery of sensory Today's outcome

Today, watch lower lips. Lower lips can swell, shrink, grow wider, disappear, change color, and quiver. What other changes, that lower lips achieve, do you pick up? Do not correlate lip changes with content. That is for later. For now simply focus your awareness on lower lips.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

7

Today's outcome

_

Now you are ready for skin color changes. Look over pages 76C to 76F in Influencin2' with Inte2'rity before you begin this assignment. If you cannot detect the changes on pages 76C to 76F, then you will need to spend several days on this task. If you are an artist, this will be easy. Today, label the colors you see in skins around you. Then notice when certain spots in others' complexions change to other colors. If you are having difficulty with seeing skin color changes, pretend you can see them, and name the pretend colors--rosy, greyish, bluish, sort of green, on the pink side, brownish, etc.--and then you may notice a shift in your perception so that the pretend colors are indeed--real colors. They were so subtle that your conscious mind was not sure. The conscious mind dislikes being wrong.

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

8

Today's outcome

_

Today, watch small muscle changes around the mouth. Tension, relaxation, lines, tumescence, hollows, smoothness, and sharpness are changes that may occur. Also today, you can look for the other auditory eye movement which is down left. When you see someone's eyes move down left, say to yourself, "AUDITORY. This person is listening to an internal tape." Then congratulate yourself for your sensory awareness.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

9

Today's outcome Today, watch for small muscle changes around the eyes. Crinkles, crowsfeet, tension, puffiness, smoothness, and/ or wrinkles. Notice rapport and non-rapport around you. Notice rapport and non-rapport in your own interactions.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

10

Today's outcome Today, watch for small muscle changes around the jaw line. More squareness, more roundness, more tension, more relaxation.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

II,

•••

__ •••

----

11

DATE Today's outcome

_

Today, watch noses and the muscle tone around them. Noses become sharper, softer, pointed, and blunt; and noses change color as well. Become a nose expert. Your conscious mind will enjoy playing around with noses for a day. Then you can forget noses, unless they are sending you an important message. In that case, you will receive the message on a conscious level as well as an unconscious level.

WHAT HAPPENED?

.••••••1"'tI.. •••••.•

7..,. .•. ..,.7"..

.•. _

.•. .-. .•..•.

--

.•. ---

-

--

- _.-

DATE

12

_

Today's outcome

_

Today, watch chins, especially if they quiver. You may be surprised how many chins do quiver. You can watch shifts in chin outlines, in chin placement in relation to necks, in relation to noses, and in relation to the content of the communication. You do know the difference between content and process, do you not? If you are chewing gum, the gum is the content and the chewing is the process. Here day by day you are learning to be aware of the processes of communication. The most important parts of communication are usually in the processes going on behind the words. You probably do not believe this now, but if you complete all 90 activities, you may change your mind. Also, you will be a much more effective communicator.

WHA T HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM •.•...

13

D.c-\TE Today's outcome

Today, watch the breathing of the other people with whom you communicate. Are they breathing in the upper chest, lower chest or Ibdomen?

'VHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

---...;.

Today's outcome

14

_

Today, watch breathing shifts. Are they suddenly breathing faster or slower, with pauses or steady? Does their visible breathing place shift from lower abdomen to upper chest or vice versa? If you have difficulty picking up breathing, watch the line of the shoulder against a different colored background, if possible. The shoulder will rise and fall with the breathing. Sometimes you can pick up breathing through watching the pulse at the temples, the wrist, or the neck. Breathing watching requires more skill than girl or boy watching.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM ••.•.......

_1III-1lIIIIII.",...1,1,

•••

----

DATE

---------

Today's outcome

_

Spend another day on breathing.

WHAT NEW SKILL DID YOU LEARN?

COMMUNICATION

15

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

16

Today's outcome Today, begin to notice how breathing shifts correlate with the content of the conversation. How many ways do you have to establish rapport?

WHA T LEARNING OCCURED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

--iI

DATE

17

Today's outcome Today, connect skin color shifts with breathing shifts. If you have difficulty, notice this. You can try this again later. We never said this was easy.

WHAT DID I LEARN?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

18

Today's outcome Today, connect skin color shifts with content (words and meanings of the other). Can you establish rapport non-verbally?

WHA T OCCURED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

---------

Today's outcome

19

_

Today, connect skin color shifts with content and make some guesses about what is going on with the other person. Your guesses may be right or wrong. If the guesses contain useful or important information, check them out with the other person. For example, you might say, "When you were talking about , I thought perhaps you were feeling somewhat . Is this so?"

-----

WHAT SHALL I REMEMBER

COMMUNICATION

ABOUT THIS?

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

20

Today's outcome •

Practice these exercises in a safe place where the shifts of attention will not get you into trouble. Today, connect hand gestures and breathing, if there is a connection. If not, notice that.

WHA T HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

21

Today's outcome Today, changes.

notice the correlation

of lower lip changes to skin color

Write down what might be useful about what occured.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

22

Today's outcome· Today, notice the big body shifts and correlate this to the breathing shifts.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

23

Today's outcome Today, notice head tilts. How much information can I learn from head tilts?

WHAT DID I SEE?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

24

_

Today's outcome

_

Today, notice head tilts and eye movements. Is there a correlation between the two shifts?

WHAT CORRELATIONS

COMMUNICATION

DID I MAKE?

EXCELLENCETM

II

DATE

2S

Today's outcome Here are examples of visual predicates. Today, listen for visual predicates. picture focus see bright spectacle preview

clear perspective flash outlook glimpse shortsighted

note ring growl sing heard accent

I HEARD THESE PREDICATES

shout tone sound clear

TODAY:

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

-

DATE

26

Today's outcome Today, listen for auditory predicates. note ring growl sing heard say

click rattle chord harmonize muffle alarm

accent shout tone sound clear scream

I HEARD THESE PREDICATES

static ask amplify key voice screech

TODAY:

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

27

Today's outcome Today, listen for kinesthetic predicates. touch

hit flat stir grab crawl handle tickle sore irritate crash smash rub impact tap impress sharpen finger tangible carry

I HEARD THESE PREDICATES

COMMUNICATION

TODAY:

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

28

Today's outcome Today, listen for predicates and decide quickly what representational system (V, A or K) the other person is using.

WHAT REPRESENTATIONAL PICK UP ON?

SYSTEM DID I

VISUAL AUDITORY KINESTHETIC

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM ••••

DATE

29

Today's outcome Today, listen for predicates in a group of three or more people. Can you remember the representational systems of each person present? Remember people can shift from one representational system to another. Are you noticing these shifts? Most of us use all three major systems now and then.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

30

Today's outcome

SYNOPSIS-What have you learned in 30 days?

What do you still need to practice?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

31

Today's outcome Today, notice non-specific predicates. think

believe

What additional non-specific predicates did I hear today?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

32

DATE Today's outcome What will you see? What will you hear? What will you feel? How will you know when you have your outcome? Today, when you hear a non-specific other's eyes are.

predicate, notice where the

DID THE EYES INDICATE VISUAL, KINESTHETIC ACCESS OF INFORMATION?

CO~f~fl-~ICA

TIO~

AUDITORY,

EXCELLENCE'"

OR

DATE

33

Today's outcome Today, notice sequences of eye movements. Can you find patterns in the sequences? Eye movements are not random.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

34

Today's outcome Today, watch for additional sequences in eye movements. Take notes if necessary.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

35

Today's outcome Today, pay attention to whole body movements. Correlate these with eye movements and content. If you have difficulty, mark this page and try this again at the end of the 90 exercises. You will find this easy at that point.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

36

Today's outcome Today, correlate skin color, representational systems, and content.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

37

Today's outcome Now you are ready for voices. Today, listen to the shifts in volume of those with whom you are talking. Can you tell when you have rapport by the voice of the other person?

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

38

Today's outcome Today, listen to the speed at which the other speaks. Notice shifts in the speed.

WHA T HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

J

DATE

39

Today's outcome Today, listen to the individual timbre of the other. Timbre is the character or quality of each person's voice which makes it distinct from everybody else's.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

-

DATE

40

Today's outcome Today, listen to the tone of the other. High? Low? In between?

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

41

Today's outcome Today, listen to the tone, timbre, tempo and volume all at once.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

It........

DATE

42

Today's outcome Today, notice shifts in volume of voices. Can you hear subtle shifts in volume you could not hear five days ago? What happens to voices when people are in rapport?

WHA T HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

43

Today's outcome Today, notice shifts in the timbre of the voice of the other. Have you increased your awareness of small changes in the sounds coming from another?

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

44

Today's outcome Today, notice shifts in the tone of the other.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

45

Today's outcome Today, notice shifts in the tempo of the other. Also, notice rapport and non-rapport in your communication interactions.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

_

Today's outcome Today, notice the pauses of the other. What do you learn from the silences of the other?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

46

_

DATE

47

Today's outcome Today, listen to the pauses which indicate the difficulty for the other person of finding the right words.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

48

Today's outcome Today, listen to those times when the others begin to say one thing and then change directions.

WHA T HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

-------

-----.-

-------------

DATE

49

_

Today's outcome

_

Today, listen to the double messages the others are sending. When the words say one thing and the voice says another, this is a double message.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

so

Today's outcome Today, check out your guesses on the double messages. Double messages are a sign of incongruence in the other person. The other person mayor may not be aware of the incongruence. Your guess about incongruence may be incorrect. Check out your guess if it is important. You can use words. You do not have to rely solely on sensory acuity. Words can be useful.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

51

Today's outcome Today, begin to correlate eye movements with tone/tempo. How does an auditory sound?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

52

Today's outcome

_

Today, correlate visuals' eye movements with tone/tempo. How do visuals sound?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

53

Today's outcome Today, correlate kinesthetics' eye movements with tone/tempo. How do kinesthetics sound?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

54

Today's outcome Today, pick up on a shift from one representational system to another simply by voice tone/tempo shifts. This may take more than one day. Keep this in mind.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

ss

Today's outcome Today, guess another's representational system within one minute of a telephone conversation while keeping track of content.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

56

Today's outcome Today, check out your one-minute telephone guess (yesterday's task) of the representational system of the other with a question such as, "Were ?" or "What were you you making a picture when you said ?" or "Were you listening to an internal feeling when you said ?" tape when you said Do not necessarily count on the answer of the other as being correct. Much of these processes go on outside the other's awareness. Do not count on your own guesses either at this point. Later you will find your own guesses are usually correct, no matter what the verbal response of the other. But not yet.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

57

Today's outcome Today, correlate eye movements, representational system predicates, and tone/tempo of the other. Is s/he staying in one system for one minute, then shifting, or is s/he using several systems in one sentence? Or, is the other stuck in one representational system?

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

58

Today's outcome

_

Today, correlate eye movements, representational system predicates, tone/tempo and content. Is there ambiguity or incongruence?

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

59

Today's outcome Today, correlate body postures, eye movements, tone/tempo with content. Make some guesses about the other person's perceptions/thinking /behavior sequence that would not ordinarily be available as conscious information. Do not count on your guesses as true. This is practice.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

60

Today's outcome

SYNOPSIS-What have you learned? What are three outrageous successes in outcomes? What do you need to work on?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

61

Today's outcome Today, begin to play around with eliciting the strategies of your family or close friends. Strategies are sequences of visual, auditory and kinesthetic perceptions or memories that lead to a decision point. The decision point is called the exit of the strategy. What perceptions and thinking processes do they use to get out of bed? know when they are hungry? decide to have a picnic? Here is a good strategy: Visual image -- sounds -- feelings --

2'ood feelinf! -- EXIT less-good feeling

WHAT HAPPENED? This would be notated: V -- A -- K --

K+

--

EXIT

KYou will have to make educated guesses for strategies of others. Have fun.

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM -----

I

l I I

~-

DATE

62

Today's outcome Today, discover your own learning strategy. How do you know you know something? How do you know that you do not know something?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

63

Today's outcome People perceive, think about perceptions, then act on their conclusions. Today, you will begin to notice the sequences of the perceptions and the thinking processes that are the most comfortable and habitual for the others. Today, make notes in a safe environment of someone else's perceptual sequence. Does s/he get the picture then talk it over, then get a feeling? Ask someone how s/he decided to buy a car, a house or the last expensive purchase. Watch his/her eyes, postures, gestures: listen to predicates and tone/tempo. Make notes about a possible sequence used as a buying strategy. For example

or A -- V -- K or K -- V -- A If this assignment is too difficult, look back over the last 60 pages and practice some of those exercises again. You select the exercise that will be useful for you now.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

l i

I

DATE

64

Today's outcome Today, repeat yesterday's task with someone else. Notice the exit point of the decision to buy. Usually people compare two images or two feelings and select the best to exit. Some people select the least painful. This notation is for the strategy the other person uses to exit from the decision making process. compare

V+ V-

-- Exit

compare

A+ A-

-- Exit

K+

-- Exit

compare

K-

If this assignment complete again.

is too difficult, select an easier assignment

WHICH COMPARISON DID I FIND?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

to

DATE

65

Today's outcome Take a break from strategies. Today, notice people who are in rapport and people who are not in rapport.

WHAT WERE THE EXTERNAL SIGNS OF RAPPORT AND NON-RAPPORT?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

66

Today's outcome What is your own buying strategy?

HOW COULD I IMPROVE MY BUYING STRATEGY?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

67

Today's outcome How do you get yourself out of bed in the morning?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

68

_

Today's outcome

_

How do you decide to take up a new hobby, task or activity?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

69

Today's outcome Today, talk as little as communicate non-verbally?

possible.

Notice

how

Write down your successes.

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

much

you

can

DATE Today's outcome Today, do not talk unless imperative. rapport with someone without words.

Discover how to establish

WHAT DID I LEARN?

COMMUNICATION I

••••••••••••

70

u_

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

71

Today's outcome Today, talk only when spoken to, and only if you have not been able to find a non-verbal response.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

72

Today's outcome Today, do not talk unless you absolutely must. Notice the effect of silence on others. Notice skin color changes.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

73

Today's outcome Today, do not talk unless absolutely necessary. Notice body postures, skin colors, minute muscle changes, lower lips, and· breathing changes in others. Correlate this information with content. Make guesses. Do not believe your guesses are necessarily accurate.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

74

Today's outcome Today, speak when necessary. Become creative in non-verbal gestures. Notice your own perceptual sequences.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

75

Today's outcome Today, begin talking again. Speak no more than three sentences and wait for a response. How is your communication different than four days ago? Are you more effective or less? Are you getting your outcomes?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

76

Today's outcome Today, get your outcome without using words.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION •••••

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

77

Today's outcome Today, talk too much and notice your energy level and the energy level of those with whom you communicate.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

78

Today's outcome Today, slow down or speed up your speech to match those around you. Then mis-match your speech in a safe place.

WHA T HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION •.....

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

79

Today's outcome Today, lower your voice or go to a higher pitch to match those with whom you communicate. Do not take risks with this. Do it with safe companions.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

80

Today's outcome Today, match finger gestures with those with whom you communicate. Know your outcome for the day.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

-

DATE

81

Today's outcome Today, elicit other people's outcomes.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

82

Today's outcome Today, guess other people's real outcomes that they could not articulate. Your guesses may not be accurate, but they probably are.

WHA T HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION •••••

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

83

Today's outcome Today, dovetail. This means you seek obvious ways to gain your outcome. At the same time be sure the other person or other people involved gain their outcomes as well.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICATION

EXCELLENCETM

DATE

84

Today's outcome Today, Be creative in finding ways for both or all of you to obtain yourdovetail. outcomes.

WHAT HAPPENED?

-

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

85

Today's outcome Today, dovetail. Try a thinking process you've never tried before (such as pretending to be your potential adversary) in order to dovetail with someone who seems to be blocking you from your outcome. If you do not interact with a potential adversary, then save this exercise for a day when. you will have a potential adversary. Repeat a past exercise that would be useful for you at this point in your training.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

_

Today's outcome

86

_

Today, dovetail using a thought process you have not tried before.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM •....

--

•

DATE

87

Today's outcome Today, dovetail with your boss, your spouse, your waitress at lunch. Notice what happens to the energy level of those involved in dovetailing. Look up the word, synergy, in the dictionary.

WHAT HAPPENED

TODAY?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

_

Today's outcome Today, dovetail in a new way.

88

_

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM ~

•

89

DATE Today's outcome Today, dovetail in a way that S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-S utmost. Enjoy the challenge.

your skills to the

WHAT HAPPENED?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

DATE

90

Today's outcome Congratulations on completing communication excellence.

ninety

days of exercises toward

SYNOPSIS-What is the most important thing you've learned in the last 89 days? What is your best fantasy about a new level of communication between people? What will you see in this new level? What will you hear? What will you feel? How will this new level be better than the usual way we communicate in our culture now?

COMMUNICA TION EXCELLENCETM

PRACTICE FOR PAYOFF

91

SKILLS RAPPORT

SOME NEW SOME OLD

Have you noticed When you had rapport? When you did not have rapport? Have you tried Matching predicates? Matching voice? Mirroring? Crossover mirroring? RECOGNIZING STATES Do you recognize confusion understanding acceptance rejection of those you work with? CHANGING STATES Have you changed an internal state to one more appropriate for your outcome? Have you changed another's internal state to one more useful for them and for you? OUTCOMES Have you used the ABC's of Outcomes? POINTERS Have you used the pointers? Which ones?

PEGASUS

92

Have you tried the meeting format? the relevancy challenge? the evidence procedure? the outcome made visible? METAPHOR Have you used a metaphor? a simple metaphor? a point of view metaphor? a complex metaphor?

I 'i

f l

MARQUEEING Have you established a Q-key (stimulus for a new response)? recognized a Q-key? used marqueeing (anchoring) on yourself? NEGOTIATING Have you used any of the negotiation tactics? restate? validate? clarify? probe? Did you look/listen for the intent behind the demand? Did you look/listen for the outcome behind your opponent's attack? Did you avoid irritators? Did you label questions and suggestions? Did you use "I" language Did you state your reasons before making you proposal? Did you give few reasons, not many? Did you use the summary at important points? Did you use sensory acuity when summarizing? Did you express your feelings?

•••

•

Did you decide on your outcome before the negotiation? Did you use the As If for finding their outcome? Did you find an outcome large enough for both opposing outcomes? Did you look for options? Did you use any of the Change Reality techniques on yourself? on your opponent? Were you able to dovetail outcomes?

93