7 Responses for Rapport

7 Responses for Rapport

How to build bullet-proof rapport by Tung

© www.conversationalconfidence.com www.conversationalconfidence.com

1/42

The Most Important Social Skill You Can Learn Learning how to build rapport at will is one of the most rewarding skills you can learn. When you learn this one little secret (of many more I have in my bag) you will have the power to create real friendships at will. Friendships that rival the strength of the bond between you and your best friend. No longer will you be left wondering who you can trust and who’s actually talking behind your back. When you are building rapport at will, you will make others feel as if they had accomplished one of their lifelong goals. Make them feel as if everything they are presently doing with their life is correct, and how they would be dumb if they were living their life any other way. You will be able to make ANYONE truly feel like they are on top of the world, and everything will be ok...

www.conversationalconfidence.com © www.conversationalconfidence.com

2/42 2/42

If you do not take the time to learn what I am about to teach you, not only will you create unnecessary animosity with your current friends, but with EVERY new person you meet as well... without even knowing it! Read - awkward moments caused by you! Once you grasp even the gist of this book, you will start to feel a load lift off your shoulders. You will once again become excited about conversing with people. You will look forward to each and every forthcoming conversation you will have, instead of being nervous as hell. And if you don’t take the time to learn this vital life skill, you will remain in the clouds whenever you need to meet someone, never quite knowing how your interactions will turn out, leaving them completely to chance... and quite often fail miserably.

www.conversationalconfidence.com © www.conversationalconfidence.com

3/42 3/42

The Great Secret of Conversation Whenever words leave a person’s mouth, unless they are asking a question, or issuing a salutation, they are always, 100% of the time, subconsciously seeking a sign of understanding from the one they spoke to. An understanding of their total body expression including their body language, voice tone, and words. I discovered this principle while observing all of my naturally gifted socializing friends. I witnessed them talking with experts they had never met before, about things which they had zero experience with, and every time they would come out of the conversation looking like they knew even more about the subject than the expert! And not in a snooty, “I’m better than you” type way but instead in the, “Wow, you are someone who actually understands why I do what I do” type way (which automatically gets them perceived as anyone’s best friend!) The last part of the discovery was the most fascinating. How many times have you demonstrated that you know more than someone else, only to run into feelings of jealousy, denial or hatred toward you? Everyone’s been there. But this is where I discovered how to do that AND be loved like a best friend!

www.conversationalconfidence.com © www.conversationalconfidence.com

4/42 4/42

The 3 Simple Steps to Rapport So you’re in a conversation with someone and you want to build rapport with them. All there is to it is the following:

1. Listen to what the other person is trying to express by observing their body language, tone of voice, and then finally their words.

2. Gather the total message of what they were trying to express and ask yourself, “What were they trying to get me to understand?”

3. Respond accordingly making sure you demonstrate that you not only heard what they said, but understood it from their perspective as well.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

5/42 5/42

For example - you are a guy talking to a girl you want to get to know better, and she brings up the oh so heated topic of politics. You figure out she leans towards the opposite end of the spectrum in terms of who she supports. And then she opens her mouth and says: Her: “I hate Obama, I don’t trust the guy. The only reason he won is because he was Black. He isn’t going to follow through on any of the things he says he’s gonna do! Our country is doomed.” Now let’s say you are Obama’s biggest fan. Pay attention. Even though every fiber of your body wants to put this girl in her place, that is not your goal at this moment. Your goal is to build rapport with this girl, not to try to reverse her political views. * Remember, this book and advice is for when you want to build rapport. Chances are, you wouldn’t want to build rapport with someone who so greatly disagrees with your own personal views. But I’m using this as an extreme example to demonstrate how even this scenario can be worked out.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

6/42 6/42

Using just one of my 7 Responses for Rapport - stating an ANALOGY to what she said - you can seamlessly build rapport without sounding like you’re just agreeing with her to get her to like you: You: “Yeah, it’d be nice if the presidential race wasn’t so much like a student council election. A popularity contest. Obama realistically could have had one of his policies as “Monkeys will take over and run our banking institution from now on” and still won. People who voted for him would’ve been like, “Monkeys? That’s a good idea, why didn’t I think of that?!” Rapport built. You’ve demonstrated that you not only heard what she said, but also clearly understood what she was trying to say. Also, you gave enough evidence backing up what you said in order to not sound like you were just agreeing with her. On top of that, you didn’t even state who you personally supported. It’s still up in the air. Most of the time, the girl won’t even ask you who you voted for in this situation because she’s content with you understanding why she thinks the things she does. Even if it does come up and you tell her you voted for Obama, she will be more open to hearing why you did, since you took the time to understand why she voted for the other guy.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

7/42 7/42

The Easiest Way To Start A Conversation The last thing I want to have happen is for you to walk away from reading this book and NOT EVEN seeing yourself what I am describing here. So, if you’re having trouble getting into a conversation with someone, you can see this principle in action just by making off handed comments towards people you pass by. People don’t need to speak words in order to express something. We as humans are ALWAYS, 100% of the time, expressing SOMETHING. Just because I’m not talking, doesn’t mean I stop thinking. Notice, for example:

• Someone watching the news with a facial expression of disagreement • Someone trying to wave down a bartender with a frustrated look on their face • Someone with a blank expression on their face while watching a stand-up comedian

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

8/42 8/42

You can practice the principle of this report by shooting a comment towards these people. For the one watching the news: “This world is crazy, isn’t it... I don’t think we’ll be seeing the day everything runs smoothly for a while.” For the one waving down the bartender: “They expect you to tip them, but are slow as hell. What do they want from us?” For the one watching the not-so-funny comic: “I think he made a last minute change where he decided to recite a eulogy instead.” These all fall into the principle of people just wanting to be understood. Wanting to feel that their thoughts and feelings are in fact, valid.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

9/42 9/42

To know if you’re on the right track, the responses you get will be along the lines of:

• • • •

A smile Laughter Them nodding their head in agreement Them firing up a conversation with you

If you are not doing this correctly, you will simply get:

• • • •

A blank stare A weird look Ignorance Them firing up a conversation with you about how you’re wrong

The last one is even potentially good! So you really have nothing to lose and everything to gain when you try this out!

www.conversationalconfidence.com © www.conversationalconfidence.com

10/42 10/42

“3. Respond accordingly making sure you demonstrate that you not only heard what they said, but understood it from their perspective as well.” Let’s focus on this last part of the equation for a second… Once you gather all the information you can muster from listening to the person’s body language, tone of voice, and words, it’s time to put that all together and give them a response that will give them an undeniable feeling of respect, connection, and trust towards you.

The best is yet to come for you! After you learn the 7 Responses for Rapport you will never run out of things to say, ever! Not only that, but the things you will come up with to say – IN THE MOMENT, will build solid, unbreakable rapport! Learning how to properly respond to people while conversing will allow you to take control of your conversations and lead them in the direction you want them to go. Gone are the days where talking to people felt like a coin flip where you only hoped the other person would like you and respect you.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

11/42

When you apply the 7 Responses for Rapport, everyone you talk to will indirectly learn this higher-level of conversing which creates an environment for true friendships to build. Rather than the alternative where conversing with someone usually feels like a battle of who is better than who, staying in a negative environment that represents a me vs. you mentality. Once you take the time to internalize the 7 Responses For Rapport, you will feel a quiet sense of confidence when you meet somebody in conversation. Not worrying about which words you will use so you can focus on more important things like what the person in front of you is saying. If you currently struggle with knowing what to say in conversation and don’t take the time to learn and master these 7 techniques, you will continue to feel insecure, unsure of yourself, and borderline confused while you try to decipher sometimes very frustrating conversations.

Here are the 7 different ways you can respond to someone once you listen to them…

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

12/42

1. Paraphrasing All these methods are pretty self-explanatory. Paraphrasing is when you simply reiterate what the other person expressed, in your own words. The response can start out with words like, “It’s like…” or “I know…” Let’s look at some examples... You are talking to your boss at work about travelling, and he’s telling you a story about his experience checking into his first hotel of the trip. Your Boss: “So me and my wife go to check into the first hotel we scheduled for our trip. It looked amazing on the internet and the brochure. Little did we know, they were under construction THE WHOLE WEEKEND we stayed there. Not only that, but when we asked to get our room moved, the person at the desk was blatantly rude. He told me we were going to have to deal with it, and that all sales were final.” Let’s roll through Steps 1 and 2 real quick...

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

13/42

Basically, your boss just expressed:

• • • •

He thought his trip was going to be no hassle, no fuss He thought the place he was going to stay at was going to be phenomenal Then he got a surprise that what he paid for was different than what he’d expected Not only that, but when he politely inquired about the misshap, the people working at the place were even rude to him.

• He wasn’t happy with his experience at that particular hotel - he’s had better, and he probably won’t be staying there again I gathered all of this from merely 5 short sentences from this guy. You can too, if you just listen. We are now ready to paraphrase your boss… You: “Wow, you know, when you book a place and pay them money, all you expect is to get what you thought you paid for. I would understand a slight change from what you expected - not a great view from your room, or different drapes in the room, but a jackhammer running all day long while you’re trying to sleep in is a whole different story. Not only that, but if you’re going to be rude to me when I bring up one of YOUR shortcomings, man, that’s brutal!”

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

14/42

Let’s look at another example... You’re on a coffee date with someone for the first time. Your date starts to ramble on about a past relationship that’s still running through their mind: Her: “Yeah, my last relationship was a roller-coaster ride. I don’t know quite how to explain it, but it was like I never really knew if he really liked me sometimes. You know, like one day he would be all sweet and stuff, then the next day he would close off for no reason whatsoever - it was almost like he was in another place mentally.” Once again, let’s roll through Steps 1 and 2...

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

15/42

What I gathered from this particular girl was:

• Her last relationship was anything but what she imagined an ideal relationship would be like

• She was confused most of the time • She was unsure of the strength of the relationship most of the time • She never really fully understood the guy, which might have been one thing that intrigued her about him in the first place Now to paraphrase: You: “Yeah, I know what you mean. It was one of those relationships you had that was nothing like you’d imagine an ideal relationship would be. Making you guess all the time, never really knowing if he’s playing hard to get or really has something on his mind. It wouldn’t be surprising if that was one of the reasons why you liked the guy in the first place though.” And that’s all there is to Paraphrasing - all the information is there for you to create a rapport building response, as long as you listen!

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

16/42

Now I know the sequence might look like a lot to go through. And you might also be saying to yourself, “And how the heck am I supposed to go through all of that AND respond in real-time?!” Trust me when I say that you are capable of going through this sequence at the speed of light. Your brain is more powerful than any supercomputer ever built. The secret to unleashing its power though, is by utilizing it. So yes, at first you’re going to stumble and be a bit slow, but you will catch on real fast, and going through these steps will become second nature to you. And that my friend, is when the fun begins…

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

17/42

2. Analogies For each new technique, you run through the same steps while listening to someone. The only difference is how you choose to respond. Stating an analogy instead of paraphrasing works the same way fundamentally. It’s just another tool you can use to break up the monotony of things. Let’s look at our examples again but this time using the Analogy tool. Your Boss: “So me and my wife go to check into the first hotel we scheduled for our trip. It looked amazing on the internet and the brochure. Little did we know, they were under construction THE WHOLE WEEKEND we stayed there. Not only that, but when we asked to get our room moved, the person at the desk was blatantly rude. He told me we were going to have to deal with it, and that all sales were final.”

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

18/42

And again, you gather:

• • • •

He thought his trip was going to be no hassle, no fuss He thought the place he was going to stay at was going to be phenomenal Then he got a surprise that what he paid for was different than what he’d expected Not only that, but when he politely inquired about the miss-hap, the people working at the place were even rude to him

• He wasn’t happy with his experience at that particular hotel, he’s had better, and he probably won’t be staying there again Your analogy could sound something like this... You: “Wow, it’s like you thought you were headed to paradise. Then when you got there it was even worse than where you left from! And then when they were rude to you when you asked them to do something to make your terrible stay better, that’s like you going to a Steakhouse, ordering a steak medium-rare, getting it well-done, then having the waiter tell you to sit down, shut up, and eat your shitty steak! Brutal!”

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

19/42

And for the Coffee Date again: Her: “Yeah, my last relationship was a roller-coaster ride. I don’t know quite how to explain it, but it was like I never really knew if he really liked me sometimes. You know, like one day he would be all sweet and stuff, then the next day he would close off for no reason whatsoever - it was almost like he was in another place mentally.” And again, I gathered:

• Her last relationship was anything but what she imagined an ideal relationship would be like

• She was confused most of the time • She was unsure of the strength of the relationship most of the time • She never really fully understood the guy, which might have been one thing that intrigued her about him in the first place

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

20/42

And now for your analogy... You: “Yeah, you know it’s not exactly how an ideal relationship is supposed to feel like, but you’re magnetically drawn into it regardless. Kind of like how you KNOW drinking, smoking, and eating junk food are all bad for you, but you do them anyways.” Notice that I executed a paraphrase before I did the analogy. This “sets up” your analogy so it makes even more sense. Try using purely the analogy alone in this particular situation, and you would leave the girl confused, wondering why the heck you said what you said.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

21/42

3. Inquiring Sometimes, all the information you need to format a paraphrase or analogy isn’t there. When this happens, merely showing that you want that information is enough to build rapport. Let’s look at an example. You’re once again out on a coffee date, with your date taking the current reigns of the conversation. She’s not doing a very good job however, with very short, choppy answers where you can’t grab onto anything. Her: “I went to school at Florida State. Finished a couple years back.” Here, paraphrasing would sound weird, and an analogy would be socially dumb. The move here is to be genuinely curious about her. Genuine curiosity IS genuine interest.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

22/42

You can prevent anything you do from being weird by presenting people with the reason why you’ve done what you’ve done, and making sure that reason is something that makes sense to them. You: “Florida state, eh? What did you take there, and even more interesting to me is how was going to school and living in Florida? I bet it sure beats living in Toronto when we have 20ft of snow in the winter!” Provided this girl sincerely wants to get to know you, this will usually be enough to get her to open up. If she doesn’t want to get to know you, nothing will get her to open up, so get over it and move on to someone else instead.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

23/42

There’s one more scenario though, she could be someone who wants to get to know you, but is just generally a shy person. In which case she says something like this back to you: Her: “Yeah, living in Florida was good; it was nice (smiles).” In this case, it would be worth taking one more stab at the pot. But you will want to refrain from another question or you’ll start to sound like you’re interviewing her and not having anything to say yourself and therefore need to rely on her to take up the bulk of the conversation. In which case you can roll right into our 4th Response for Rapport…

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

24/42

4. Adding Onto Their Thought/Story The way this one works is fun. All you do is go through the first 2 steps to gather what they said, and then imagine/pretend like you were the one who said/expressed those things. Then, proceed to “continue” that thought/story as if you just said what the other person said. Let’s give it a try... You’ve gathered from her that “Living in Florida while in school was good.” Now just riff on as if you just said that, while making sure you add in the beginning of your sentence something like, “I would have been like” so you don’t sound like a lunatic. You: “Yeah, I’d be doing my essays on the beach, sipping on margaritas all day long. Getting my inspiration for papers while I’m surfing a big fat wave, you know.”

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

25/42

Then you can add in another inquiry here to send the ball back to her court... You: “How distracting was it really to be in a place like that where practically everything and everyone looks good?” If she drops the ball again here, you’re talking to someone who either doesn’t like you, or someone who is socially inept. I already told you what to do if she doesn’t like you. And I don’t have any advice for talking to someone who is socially inept. I’m no good at it. Here we start to see the freedom and artsy side of looking at conversations in this way. Once you gather the necessary information during the listening phase, it’s up to you how you want to respond. Sure there are guidelines as I’ve mentioned above, but since everyone is different and have different amounts of knowledge, you could realistically “inquire” every time someone says something to you. You are never going to know everything someone says to you, so as long as it is a sincere inquiry, it’ll come across as a rapport building move.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

26/42

5. Finishing their thoughts/stories/sentences We now get into the more advanced techniques. By more advanced, I merely mean that it’ll take some minor judgment in order to pull these off with finesse. Not to worry though, you’ll get the hang of anything you try a dozen times or so. Finishing someone else’s sentence before they do will garner you some of your most powerful moments of rapport – when done correctly. The sequence of how this is done will require you to be able to run through Steps 1 and 2 of the 3 Steps to Rapport ultra fast! What do I mean by that? You’re going to need to be able to gather what the person is trying to express before they finish expressing it with their words, AND THEN simply saying it once you figure it out before they do. Doing this technique successfully will give the person speaking to you a guaranteed sense that you are not only listening to them, but are actively in the conversation, rather than a passively listening. This is definitely one technique that you don’t want to overuse. Using it too much can easily turn you into the most annoying person in the world.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

27/42

Your goal is not to cut them off, that’s just annoying. It’s more of a, “You can’t contain your excitement cause you know how the story is going to end” type deal. Let’s look at an example... You’ve finally got your coffee date talking about her experience going to school at Florida State. You are bantering back and forth using Paraphrasing, Analogies, Inquiring and even Adding onto the end of her thoughts and stories. You’re in the zone, and slowly becoming able to pick up what she’s going to say even before she says it! So, you catch her in the middle of saying... Her: “Oh yeah, the social scene was incredible down there! It literally is like what they portray in CSI:Miami when you’re in the right social circle! The worst part though, is when it’s a perfect day outside, and you have a ton...” Here, you’ve already gathered:

• Where she went to school is paradise • Just like it looks on TV • Too many things to do, too little time And then you’re following her next thought in real-time. How “The worst part though...”

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

28/42

Gathering the information thus far is the hard part, the rest is easy. Anyone can fill in the blank if you showed them the above sequence. How would YOU complete that sentence if you were the one who started it? Here’s what I’d say: You: “Having a ton of work to do that day, 4 exams next week, and 2 Interviews at Fortune 500 companies, and all you want to do is lay on the beach and drink Daiquiris all day long. Yeah, I can imagine.” The beauty of this technique (when used sparingly) is that even if you’re wrong, the other person will simply correct you. They won’t punish you for cutting them off because they realize that you are genuinely listening to them. If you use this technique too often however, you will start to come across as someone who is merely trying to get them to finish speaking. Cleary demonstrating that you don’t care whatsoever about what they have to say. Rapport NOT built! You have probably already experienced this technique during high points of your conversations while hanging out with your best friends. Trading stories together, when at some points in conversation, everyone knows where the story is going, even what the climax is. But in an excited way, rather than a “I’ve heard this before” type way.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

29/42

6. Laughter This is by the far the easiest to execute. Easiest to execute, but hardest to learn if you don’t already have a great sense of humor. Personally, I find many things funny. More than the average person. This gives me a distinct advantage when I speak to someone who thinks they are funny. All I have to do is laugh when I sense they’re trying to tell me a joke. Whenever someone attempts to say something funny, the principle is that they want to see someone understand what they are trying to express. Have you ever tried to say something funny, only for everyone to look at you with a blank stare? How did that make you feel? If you’re anything like me, you kind of wished you said something else some of those times...

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

30/42

Well, if you’re at all proficient at the first 2 Steps of the 3 Steps to Rapport, you will be able to pick up on someone trying to say something funny. The dead give-away is to see if they’re smiling while interracting with you. Then all you have to do is smile back, and when they give you the punch-line... well, HOPEFULLY you will feel like laughing. By no means am I advocating fake laughter. That would be a disaster. What I am advocating is for you to keep paying attention to what they’re trying to express at their core, in real-time. You will start to see the world through the eyes of the other person. You will start to think how they’re thinking, therefore, feel what they’re feeling. DO NOT merely physically mirror their body language and facial expressions. This only works if you are in alignment with their thoughts and feelings FIRST.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

31/42

7. Disagreeing Jokingly This is definitely my favorite of the 7 techniques to utilize when the time is right. Knowing how to disagree jokingly accomplishes 3 things when done correctly:

1. Subtly tests to see if the other person has a sense of humor 2. If they do have a sense of humor, it establishes that you were in fact listening and “get” what they were trying to say, so therefore

3. Builds rapport When everything comes together for you, the 3 Steps to Rapport and the 7 Responses for Rapport, you will be capable of “getting fancy” with your responses. That is the best way to describe this last of the 7 Responses for Rapport. Basically, how this works is:

• Run through Steps 1 and 2 of the 3 Steps to Rapport • Instead of responding in a way that directly demonstrates that you agree and/or understand the other party, you say something that “on the surface” sounds like you blatantly disagree with the stance they have on what they said, and maybe exaggerated a bit for effect Let’s look at an example, shall we?

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

32/42

Let’s go back and take another look at one of the previous examples: Her: “Oh yeah, the social scene was incredible down there! It literally is like what they portray in CSI:Miami when you’re in the right social circle! The worst part though, is when it’s a perfect day outside, and I’d have a ton of work to do! The last thing I want to do is waste a perfect day and study!” This time you let her finish her own sentence. But instead of going along with what she says like this, for example: You: “Wow, I’d never be able to concentrate in a setting like that! I’d definitely be shooting a round of golf 5 days a week and learning how to surf the whole time.” You instead opt to disagree with her jokingly: You: “Really? You get distracted by silly things like that? I can already tell you’re not a person who can put their priorities in order. You know hun, buckling down is something you’re going to need to learn how to do.”

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

33/42

This is delivered with a straight and serious facial expression. Then pause for one second to take in her physical reaction to your response. Depending on the girl, you’ll get a variety of different responses. But for simplicity sake, let’s look at the two extreme reactions you might get. Most socially adept individuals will catch on to what you are doing provided the conversation has been going well thus far, and you will simply share a laugh. Some people are not so quick and 100% sure of themselves, or haven’t quite figured out if you like them yet. When this is the case, you will notice a moment of shock in their facial expression, wondering if what they just said is something they’d like to take back. But don’t you worry about them, because at this point, you will break into a sincere ear to ear smile, since it’s pretty funny when you temporarily lead someone in the wrong direction, especially when they had no idea that whole time about what you were up to.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

34/42

Go Out And Use This Information Today! And there they are - my 7 personal ways of responding when I am spoken to. My 7 Responses for Rapport:

1. Paraphrasing 2. Analogies 3. Inquiries 4. Adding Onto Their Thought/Story 5. Finishing their thoughts/stories/sentences 6. Laughter 7. Disagreeing Jokingly

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

35/42

Are these the ONLY 7 ways you can respond? Of course not. But they are 7 ways that work to build rapport for you. Practice the first 3 at first to get the hang of things. Even when you’re ready to try the more advanced techniques, (Finishing their sentences, Laughter, Disagreeing Jokingly, Adding to their story) you MUST execute a string of Paraphrasing, Analogies, and Inquiries FIRST in order for the advanced techniques to work most effectively. You’ll see why with experience.

Final Thoughts Remember, these techniques are for when you actually want to build rapport with someone. They are no use for when you are speaking to someone you don’t care about. And another reminder, for when you want to build rapport with someone: “Building rapport is your first priority. Not looking like you’re better than them.”

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

36/42

The Benefits You Will Reap Once you get the hang of building rapport at will, you will start to notice how everyone you meet warms up to you faster than ever. Not only that, but they start to treat you like their best friend, within minutes of talking with them! You are going to get invites out to places you’ve never even heard of. Not only will people stay out of your way, they will open doors for you. You will begin to truly see why it’s who you know, rather than what you know.

Where and When To Apply Your New Skill You can start to apply the ideas from this book in your own life whenever you talk to anyone. Whatever the conversation you’re having is, 10% of it will be business, and the other 90% is all fluff. Use what you’ve learned and apply it in that 90% of fluff. Even if you’re walking into your boss’ office to ask for a raise, you don’t walk in there with “Hey boss, give me a raise.” No. You walk in there and say, “Hey Boss, how’s it goin’? Any plans for the summer yet?” Then you run through the 3 steps to Rapport we’ve gone through already after you gather his/her answer. It really is this simple!

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

37/42 37/42

When To Hold Back I want to take a minute here to mention where the advice in this report does not apply. If you’re interacting with someone who you do not have any interest in getting to know, and they are extremely rude, don’t worry about building rapport with them. If you’re talking to someone who isn’t listening to anything you’re saying anyway, using these techniques would be a waste. Blatantly disagree with such a person to snap them out of their own head.

What All This Means… Which brings me to my last point, is that there’s no use in talking with someone who does not listen to you. The whole goal of being a good conversationalist is to be heard. The prep work for making the other person open to being influenced by what you have to say far outweighs the time you need in order to speak to them. Most of the time, you won’t even feel the need to exercise your level of influence on somebody, simply because, you don’t need everyone to listen to what you have to say.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

38/42 38/42

If I had to sum up what the whole picture looks like, think of meeting people like you would a soccer game - yes, the main goal of the game is to score more goals than the other team. And to be fair, that is the only measure of the success of a given team. But even knowing that, when any given player on the team gets the ball, do they automatically make a bee-line toward the opposing net and try to score? Absolutely not. They prep to get the BEST shot possible. They pass it around, make runs, and create faints. Take this analogy one step further, and rewind to before the game. While the players are in the gym or on the field practicing, they are doing this ALL to prepare for that ONE MOMENT where ONE of the players will shoot the ball on net and score. You see how preparation strongly out-weighs the moment of success? Take this analogy with you the next time you are speaking to a member of the opposite sex. The moment you’re in with them will rarely be a moment which determines the fate of your relationship with them. So relax, and make them feel amazing about themselves. For when the time comes for you to take it to the next level, they will be prepared for it.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

39/42 39/42

Five Days to Discovering Your Hidden Social Skills Here’s what I want you to do for the next 5 days to implement this report, so you can see for yourself the power of not blatantly breaking rapport.

1.

Call up a friend, get together with someone for a drink, or start a conversation at work with a co-worker (at least once a day) strictly for the purpose of you trying out what you’ve learned here in this report.

2.

Bring up a controversial topic, like politics, sports, religion, work, life, family, friends, relationships etc.

3.

Get the other person to input a big opinion about the topic by either asking them what they think, or stating your own strong views on the subject at hand.

4.

Run through the 3 steps to rapport as we’ve gone through them above:

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

40/42 40/42

• Listen to what the other person is trying to express by observing their body language, tone of voice, and then finally their words. • Gather the total message of what they were trying to express and ask yourself, “What were they trying to get me to understand?” • Respond accordingly making sure you demonstrate that you not only heard what they said, but understood it from their perspective.

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

41/42 41/42

About the Author After years of working with men and women worldwide and helping them develop skills to meet and attract the opposite sex a lot easier as well as create longer lasting, more genuine friendships with each other, Tung has decided to give something back to everyone who couldn’t get a hold of him in person. 7 Responses for Rapport contains some of his ground breaking theories about the art of conversation and relating to people...

Subscribe Sign up for our free announcement list to be notified about free reports and upcoming books like this one as soon as they are available.

Comments? Have any comments on this report? Anything you’d like to see in addition to it? Something unclear? Let us know - we’d love to hear from you... just send us a quick note via email or join in on discussions on our blog.

This eBook last updated: April 07, 2009

© www.conversationalconfidence.com

42/42 42/42