47758867-Best-Hindi-English-Jokes.pdf

Q: Who's senior: Penis or Vagina? A: Vagina, because penis always stands up in its honour. Sex poetry: It's not the length, it's not the size, it's not how many times u can make it rise. It's not how well it fits, but how late it spits

Skoda recently launched a new car model LAURA. All drivers are having a tough time when theor Memsahibs say: Driver Laura Nikalo! Kamra khushboo naal sajai baithe han, bed te navi chaddar bichayee baithe han, Saadi deewangi tan dekho ohna ne raati auna hai te asi duphar de hi condom charai baithe han

The first day at the London sperm bank was pretty unsuccessful. Only three men made appointments and, of those, one came on the bus and the other two missed the tube. All eggs in women decided to fight against sperms. They waited with guns in the pussy. That night no one came. Suddenly 1 shouted: Hamla Peeche se hua hai...

What is Long & Hard, has a hole at the tip and when u insert it into a wet, hairy & tight hole makes u feel better? Vicks Inhaler When u don't know whether to luv or hate, when u r in confused state, don't feel and don't debate, just sit alone & ...... MASTURBATE

Whenever u feel low, depressed or useless, remember that u r the same sperm that won a battle against a million others. Cricketer describing a nude girl: There is no cover, there is no extra cover, there 2 silly points, 2 fine legs & a deep gully, with little grass on the pitch.

What is invisible sex? A male Negro fucking a female Negro under moonless night in a coal mine wearing a black condom. A friend like u is not like boobs coz everyone sucks them. Not like vagina coz it tears. You r like a penis coz it always stands when needed.

Hum Gire Hue ko Uthate hai, Hum Bichhde Hue Ko Milate Hai, In Short Hum Bra Banate Hain. 70 yr old man: Doc meri age mein sex style kyo hona chahiye? Doc: Doggy style. Man: Aapke matlab peeche se…? Doc: Nahin, sirf soongh aur chaat.

Happiness is like penis; always looks small if u hold it in ur hands but when u learn to share it, u'll realize how big & precious it is! Man: Kiss Karun? Gal: Lipstick kharab hogi. Man: Boob dabaun.? Gal: T-shirt kharab hogi.? Man: Fuck? Gal: Period me hun.? Man: Don't say loose motions hai.

Women r the best Engines: Accepts any size of Piston, are self Lubricating, start up with a Finger, automatic oil change every 4 week. Man gives blood to save his girlfriends life. Later on they split up & man wants blood back. She throws a used tampon at him & says: Pay u monthly, u bastard!

Q: What's the definition of indefinitely? A: When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you are in.....definitely. Q: Does penis deserve overtime & hazard pay? A: Yes! Coz it works in deep, damp, hot tunnels, often head down & mostly in night shifts!

A prostitute's nursery rhyme: One two lets screw, Three four I'm a whore, Five six suck the dick, Seven eight ejaculate, Nine ten fuck me again. 3 men sitting in a cafe, all wanking. Waitress: What the fuck are you all doing? One points to a sign that reads: FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!

Little gypsy girl: Which way do my knickers go? Her Mom: How many fucking more times do I have to tell u yellow to the front & brown to the back!

They have found a new position in the Karma Sutra. It's called the 'plumber'... Two of you stay in all day and no f*cker comes! Text msgs are like a blow job from an amateur prostitute......short, sweet and cheap! Mr & Mrs Blobby are lyin in bed 1 nite Mrs Bloby turns 2 Mr Bloby & says: Bluba lluba lupblub. Mr Bloby turns & says: Shut the fuck up and swallow bitch!

Little Girl: Mom, I just found out that the boy next door has a penis like a peanut. Mommy: U mean it's small? Little Girl: No, it's salty. 3 Facts of Life: Garib aur Boobs hamesha dabte hai.

Musibat aur penis kabhi bhi khade ho jate hai. Kismat aur Bra kabhi bhi khul sakti hai.

One day the PENIS tells the balls: Tonight v r goin for a party! The balls reply: U bloody fuckin liar, u always get inside while v r left outside! Q: If a married woman is called Polo... The mint with a hole, then what's an unmarried woman called? A: Center Fresh.

To avoid condom related accident use 2 condoms with chilli powder in between them if outer breaks she will know and if inner one breaks you will know!

Q: What is the difference between a woman and a fridge? A: A fridge does not moan when there is meat inside.

Text messaging is like a blowjob off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap! Q: What’s the definition of suspicion? A: A nun doing press ups in a cucumber field.

A kiss is called humanity if its on cheek, love if on lips, passion if on breast, humor if on navel, sex if on vagina and called bravery if its on ass hole. Q: What's a birth control pill?

A: It's the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to prevent pregnancy. Badi hasrat thi ki kholein unki salwaar ka nara, Sanam ki berukhi dekho ki nangey hi chale aye, Wah wah wah Kashti toofan se nikal sakti hai, Taqdeer kisi bhi waqt bhi badal sakti hai, Hausla rakh, channel na badal, SANIA MIRZA kisi bhi waqt Jhuk sakti hai

Ansoo tere nikale to aankhein meri ho, Dil tera dhadke to dhadkan meri ho, Khuda kare ki apni dosti itni gehari ho, Baap tu bane to Mehanat meri ho! Kya aap SEX karte hai, Kya aap CONDOM use karte hain,

Kya aap AIDS se darte hai, To aap HATH se Q nahi karte hai, HATH chale to AIDS tale.

Door gaon mein ek basti thi, Wahan ki ladkiyan bahut sasti thi, Unki ga#d mein itni masti thi, Jitna dalo utna hasti thi., But why r u smiling? Mangta hoon to deti nahin ho: JAWAB MERI BAAT KA Deti ho to khada ho jata hai: ROMROM JAZBAAT KA Kyon bolti ho ke dheere se daalo: BALON MAIN PHOOL GULAB KA.

Arz kiya hai: I am a dog and u r a flower, gaur farmaiega I am a dog and u r a flower,

so let me lift my leg n give u a shower! Paro aur chandramuki ka noor app pe barse, har koi aapke sath sone ko tarse, aapke jeevan me aaye itni ladkiyan, ki app CHADDI pahen ne ko tarse. In my dream God asked me to choose between u & my smile, I chose u bcoz without u, I don't know how to smile. So be with me always, if u want me to smile. Of all the babes u r my selection. Please don't giv me a rejection. My teeth are clean for ur inspection so give my mouth a tongue injection!

I have spent many sleepless nights in ur luv & I don't want to my son to do the same for ur daughter. So, lets make them brother n sister

Do you like maths? If so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

Sex is gud sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun or getting paid everyone luvs getting laid, So if u want me in the sack, lick ur lips n text me back A smile to put you on a high... A kiss to set your soul all right... Would it be all right if I spent tonight being loved by you???

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shorter the skirt better the view. Sex is fun. sex is fine,

Doggy style or 69, Just 4 fun or getting paid, Everyone loves getting laid, So if u want me in the sack, Just lick ur lips & text me back.

God created the world in SIX days, but took him centuries to come up with someone... as HOT... as SEXY... as Fuckable... as YOU! You are cute, you are adorable, sexy, n great, Now I broke the ice, would you like to mate?

Sex is good, sex is fine. Doggy style or 69. Just 4 fun or getting paid,

everyone loves getting laid. So if u want me in the sack, lick ur lips n text me back. Are mice giving you trouble? No? Than you must have a good pussy! of a woman's body? A: Because, milk should be kept away from the pussy? Q: What's difference between cricketers n condoms? A: Cricketers drop the catches n condoms catch the drops!

A blowjob is the only job in the world that can't be included in your resume despite years of experience and a number of refrences!

Wishing you a seductive & wonderful day licked by luv & penetrated by heavenly graces & may all your misfortunes be ejaculated!

If u have two balls between ur legs it means u r man. If u have have four, it does not means that u r superman, iska matlab aapki koi ga#d mar raha hai. Bio teacher: Girls, the size of a penis should be 6 inches for successful penetration. Girl: Mam, how about 9 inches? Teacher: I was talking of necessity not luxury.

All medicines have Side effects, only VIAGARA has Front effect.

Q: What is the definition of "burning love"? A: It's when at night you reach out for the Vaseline gel and pick up Vicks Vaporub by mistake.

Q: What is the height of shock? A: When you are having sex with a pregnant woman & suddenly a hand grabs your dick from inside! A gal with his boyfriend opened her legs inviting him 2 fuck n asked: Hamare baby ka naam kya hoga? He wears a condom n says: Iske baad bhi hogaya to ‘Jadugar’.

Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia... One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!!

Sex is evil, Evil is sin, Sin is forgiven, So stick it in. Luv is a sensation that is caused by temptation. The boy puts his location in the girl’s destination. Do u get my explanation or wanna free demonstration? Old chinese proverb says: "Man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok."

MEN-opause, MEN-strual pain, MEN-tal illness, GUY-necologist, HIS-terectomy. Ever noticed how women's problems start with men?? Sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money but if you think sex is

funny then fuck yourself and safe your money.

Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'Goods delivered are not returnable.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'Contract void if seal is broken.' He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppy disk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

Man: May l hv some condoms please. I'm giving my gal a gift tonight. Clerk: Shall I gift wrap them? Man: No, the condoms will serve as a wrapper for the gift.

Sex is good, sex is fine. doggy style or 69, just 4 fun or getting paid, everyone loves getting laid, so if u want me in the sack, lick ur lips n text me back. I'm a bit shy...I'd like to have sex with you; you do not have to say yes, just smile to me! Do you know that you would look great with two pounds less ... in my opinion those clothes weigh exactly two pounds!

Feeling bored? Think of me. Feeling sad? Call me. Feeling lonely? See me. Feeling horny? Use ur hand & njoy the art of messaging.

I hereby place u under arrest 4 violating code 069 distracting public with ur xtreme good looks & sex appeal. Remain silent & report 2 my bedroom.

I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead. God made butter, god made cheese; god made you for me to squeeze. God made whiskey, god made Pepsi and when he made you he made you SEXY!

U r so sexy u drive me insane, I luv u so much that my heart is in pain. Ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber, oh damn I'm sorry I have the wrong number.

Kisses blown r kisses wasted. Kisses r not kisses unless they r tasted. Kisses spread germs and germs r hated, but u can kiss me baby I’m vaccinated. Why is sex similar to shaving? Well, because no matter how well u do it today, tomorrow u hav to do it again. Why can't anybody satisfy a Woman Completely? Because nobody has a Dick made of Gold, Decorated with Diamonds & which Ejaculates Cash!

A just born baby was laughing hard with its tiny fingers closed. The confused Pediatrician unfolded his tiny fingers & found... A Birth Control pill !

Life is all about Ass; We are either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one!

This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: We stare because we care! Teacher: Soch or Veham me kya fark hai..? Pappu: Aap ki Beti Sweet & Sexy hai… Ye hamari Soch hai or wo hamare hathon se bach jayegi ye Aap ka Veham hai.

LESBIAN kisko kehte hain? 2 kamini ladkiyan, jo mard ko khush nahi dekh sakti! 70 ways to make a woman happy: No. 1 is shopping & the rest is '69'.

Marwari 2 prostitute: I'll pay double if u let me do it in Marwari style. She agrees. After sex, she asks: What's Marwari style? Marwari payment after 90 days! You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?!

Define Rape with the help of one good example? Rape is a very-very difficult Job, For eg. It is like playing GOLF with a continuously moving HOLE! Response during sex: Mistress: Wow ! Darling this is great. Whore: Come on finish it now.

Girlfriend: Ah! Please slowly. Wife: Ceiling needs painting ! Ur my Funny, Understanding, Cute, Kind, Intelligent, Naughty, Great, Sweet, Honest, Independent, Truthful friend in short u r my F.U.C.K.I.N.G S.H.I.T. friend.

There was once a genie who came & asked, "Name ur wish" U asked, "Make me Gorgeous." Genie replied, "I grant wishes not fucking miracles" Today it’s cool to have small cars and small computers. Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

A gud friend is like a gud bra... hard 2 find- comfortable- supportiveprevents u from falling- holds u tightand is always close 2 ur heart! Remember: If u need a FUCK, u can always count on me bcoz FUCK stands for FRIENDS U CAN KEEP. Fuck 4ever & promise me that we FUCK till eternity! Recommended dosage of viagra: New Girlfriend: No Need Old Girlfriend: 1/2 Tablet Mistress: 1 Tablet Wife: 2 tabs+whisky+Porn Movie+Will Power Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex . Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.

Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does. A man was charged with Necrophilia (having sex with a dead woman). The judge said; I havn’t seen such disgusting case in 20 years. Can you give me one good reason why you did it? Man: I can give 3 reasons.It’ non of ur business, she was my wife and I didn’t know she was dead as she always acted like that.

Pappu meets his father in red light area. Pappu: Papa aap yahan? Father: Bus beta ab 200-300 Rs ki cheez k liye teri maa k nakhre nahi sahe jate.

Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.

Man: Sex ho jaye? Wife: No. Man: Jewar le dunga. Wife: No. Man: Car le dunga. Wife: No, No, No. Beta so raha tha, bich me bola, Meri marlo, Cycle la dena. Letter to mom by her daughter a month after her marriage: Fine here mom, but one problem... my husband keeps on fucking me all the time... while bathing, cooking, dish washing even while washing, Ironing clothes! I'm fucked up mom... Any idea to

control his urges? Sorry for the SHAKY HANDWRITING.

What is a man's definition of foreplay? Half an hour of serious begging! Every married man keeps wondering every evening: Should I go out and look at what I cannot fuck or....Stay home and fuck what I cannot look at....

A man stands nude in front of a mirror n examines himself: I wish 2 inches more & I'll b a king. Wife sitting behind: I think 2 inches less & u’ll b a queen. Wife bought a new transparent Bra, wore in front of her hubby. Hubby: Issme tum bahut sexy lag rahi ho.

Wife: Pata hai ! Salesman bhi yehi keh raha tha. Q: Why do most women sleep in the afternoon ? A: So that they can screw the tired man all night and blame him for poor performance!! Ladki: Tum Honeymoon k liye kahan kahan Gayi thi? Saheli: Shimla, Kasauli, Mussoorie, Nanitaal. Ladki: Achhaa... kya kya dekha Wahan pe? Saheli: Sirf CEILING FAN!

Wife: Muje lagta hai apka Rita k saath najayaz rishta hai. Hubby: Ye tum kaise keh sakti ho? Wife: Kal jab uske husband aye, to apki underwerr pehne huye the.

Recommended Dosage of VIAGRA New Girl friend: No need, Old G/f: 1/2 tablet, Mistress: 1 tablet, Wife: 2 tabs + whisky + blue film + will power + her permission.

In bed frustrated wife was moaning to her husband: Why is it taking so long to cum? Husband: I'm trying dear; it's just that I can’t think of anyone tonight! A time comes in life when your wife begins to trust you. It doesn’t mean that you have become Enlightened. It doesn’t mean that you have turned a Saint. It just means that you have lost your hunting abilities; she is convinced that you cannot even catch a running tortoise, leave aside a PUSSY.

Wife 2 naked husband: Why r u walking around, the neighbours can see ur thing? Husband: So what? Wife: They'll think I married u for MONEY! Wife A: I hate my Engineer husband. Erect & Erect. Wife B: I Hate my Doc husband. Inject & Inject. Wife C: U both r lucky, mine is judge… Tarik pe Tarikh

On their first night: Husband: Is it really ur first night? Wife: No... No...Actually it is first time at night. Woman was having pain during delivery. Husband prayed: Oh Lord!

Please make it lose for the Baby and then tight for the Daddy

Doc: Reports have got mixed up. I don't know if ur wife has AIDS or Alzheimer Man: What shld I do? Doc: Drop her in the middle of town, if she comes back DON'T FUCK The groom stood naked in front of the mirror: 2 inches more & I'd be a king Bride: Yes, 2 inches less & you'd be a Queen Height of being Realistic: An actress being fucked by a producer widout using a condom saying that she has 2 play the role of a Pregnant lady in his next film!

Knowledge is like ur underwear... U should have it, but not show it off & most important, while having sex, keep ur knowledge aside!

Girl to another: Kal sapne me mujhe koi chakku se mar raha tha. 2nd Girl: Tu dar mat agar sapne sach hote to mujhe roj ABBORTION karana padta... If your boss says: Nothing is impossible, ask him to wear a condom after sex.

Fact of life: When a girl attains maturity, she wants to wear a bra... When a boy attains maturity, he wants to remove that bra..... Teacher: Jimmedari kya hoti hai ?

Student: Madam agar apke blouse k 4 batton me se 3 tut jaye to 4th pe jo aati hai, usko jimmedari kehte hai.

Luv is not measured by Hugging, Kissing & sex. It's all about Trusting Respecting & Accepting a person with open legs, closed eyes & wet lips saying Push it more. Lady: What is a good time for Sex? Doctor: In the afternon between 2 to 4. Lady: Why ? Dr: The compounder will not be here...

Mother found a condom in daughter's cupboard. She went straight to her n asked: What is this? Girl: To aap kya chahti hain, main is umar mein Maa ban jaaun?!

Playboy has started a special edition for Married men. The same woman is featured every month.

Sex is evil Evil is sin Sin is forgiven So let's begin. Boy: How much Calcium is there in women's BREAST? Gril: Enough to help a Man's boneless thing stand up. What is the difference between cheating ur wife and cheating on the taxman? If u get caught, the taxman still want to screw you. A frustrated father's defensive reply in a sms msg to his offensive unruly

son... I should have wasted u in the bathroom!

One lady delivered twins, surprisingly one is boy & other is dog... How is it possible? Her hubby is a hutch user... Wherever he goes his Network follows. Dentist didn’t get erection on wedding night so he used finger. Wife: What's this? Nothing honey, just a temporary filling

Wife n Mobile: 1) Dono hi dusro ke achche lagte hai. 2) Dono hi naye achche lagte hai. 3) Dono ko hi raat bhar charge karna padta hai.

Husband: I fancy kinky sex, how about I cum in ur ear? Wife: No, I might go deaf! Husband: I’ve been cumin in ur mouth 4 15yrs & u r still fuckin talking.

Ek pathan ki shaadi ke 3 din baad uski patni boli, "Maine apse shaadi is liye ki hai ki humare bache hon, is liye nahi ke mujhe poty khul kar aaye. 'Great, just what I need,' she moaned as he brought home a new microwave oven. 'One more thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.'

Mother: Do u know the meaning of Mangalsutra? Daughter: Yes, it is the license to enjoy Kamasutra.

Q: What is the resemblance between a woman and a condom? A: They both fit around your dick and are present in your wallet.

Q: Why does a woman have two pair of lips? A: One is for fighting and one is to make up. Lady 2 Maid: Tu saare kaam mein bekaar hai! Bai: Bister mein to aap se aachi hoon! Lady: Tujhe sab ne bola kya? Bai: Nahin, driver bol raha tha! Why did Shahid and Kareena break up? Because she wanted to have Saif Sex ! Why is sex similar to shaving?

Well, because no matter how well u do it today, tomorrow u hav to do it again

First Doc: I had sex with my patient. I'm feeling guilty Second Doc: It happens in our profession. Take it easy yaar. First Doc: Yeah, but I'm a Veterinary doctor. Give an example of Complete business failure due to negligence. A pregnant prostitute.

A old woman calls the Police department and says: I have a Sex Maniac in my apartment. Pick him up in the morning! 25 Uuseless things in a Man's body: 20 Nails you can't Hammer, 2 Tits you

can't Milk, 1 Cock that doesn't Crow, and 2 Balls you can't Throw !!

A man is a king. A king is a ruler. A ruler is 12 inches. Are you a man?" Boy to girl in a party: Kitne bhai behen ho! Girl: Six Boy: Maa Baap ko aur koi kaam nahi tha kya? Girl: Tum kitne ho? Boy: One Girl: Baap me dam nahi tha kya?

Monica Lewinsky turned 31. How time flies! It seems like yesteraday when she was crawling around the White House on her hands n knees puttin everything in her mouth!

What is similarity between sex n shave? If u don't do it for 4-5 days, it starts showing on d face.

What's the height of bad luck? Having sex in dreams and getting AIDS in real life...! What's the similarity between women & folding chair? Both are useless unless until u don't open their legs. A man kills a deer & cooks it but doesn't tell kids what it is. He gives a clue: It's what mom calls me. Boy cries out: Don’t eat it. It's a fucking asshole.

Suhagrat ke time darvaze pe dastak hoti hai toh dulhan bhag k parde ke peeche chup jati hai. Husband: Kya hua? Dulhan: Mujhe laga police ki raid par gai.

Son kills a butterfly. Dad: No butter for 2 weeks. Son kills a honeybee. Dad: No honey for 2 weeks. Mom kills a cockroach. Son: Dad u tell her or should I? Man: Bless me God! My son is drug addict, my daughter is a call girl, my wife is a gambler. God: Is anything +ve in ur family? Man: I’m HIV positive.

Unborn twins in the mother’s stomach saw a penis. 1st Baby: Dekh Papa aa rahe hai. 2nd: Abe stupid, ye pados wale uncle hai, papa kabhi raincoat nahi pehante. Rosemary divorced Mr.Lele b'coz she was sick of telling her name,"Roz Meri Lele." Imagine her tough luck, she was remarried to Mr. Marlow

Husband: Jee karta hai ki tumhari zulfon mein kho jaaon, tumhare aankhon mein bas jaaon, tumhari bahon mein jhool jaon. Wife: Neeche kya mohalle wale ghusengey? Description of prostitute, wife & girlfriend in mobile language? First one is prepaid, second is postpaid and the last one is democard.

Man 2 wife on wedding night: R u sure that I'm the 1st man you have slept with? Wife: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.

Playboy has started a special edition 4 married men. The same woman is featured every month. A doc advising his patient who had a heart attack: No smoking, no drinking & hv sex only with ur wife because it is important that you avoid excitement.

Stock broker catches wife in bed with other man: What's going on? Wife: Due to boom in market & ur less investment capacity, honey I've gone for PUBLIC ISSUE! Jack: It's just too hot to wear clothes today, but what would the neighbors think if I mowed the lawn naked? Wife: That I married u for ur money.

90 sal ke Buddhe Ne Viagra kharidi aur medical wale se puchha 'Kaise Leni hai?' Dukandar ne upar se niche tak dekha aur kaha: Tulsi Aur Gangajal ke Sath Lo. During war, enemy soldier sees 3 nuns. He says I want revenge & remoevd his pants. Young nun requested Plz spare older Nun.

Older nun: Shut up u Bitch, War is War.

The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to : Hang Till Death ! Teacher: What do u know about Sensex? Pappu When we have sex with Riya Sen, Raima Sen, Rimi Sen, Konkana Sen & Sushmita Sen etc. it's called Sen Sex!

A Survey Report: Women who sleep on their sides are Sensitive. Who sleep on their stomach are Competent. Who sleep on their back with Legs in the air are MOST POPULAR!

What's a contraceptive pill? It's the second best thing that a woman can keep in her mouth to avoid pregnancy. Now dont ask wats the first thing!

Lady: Dr.! How long is it before I can resume my normal Sex Life? Doctor (shocked): You are the first one to ask me that after a tonsil-operation! Girl: Xcuse me brother, that's my seat. Boy: OK! But I'm not ur brother, my father never fucked ur mom. Girl: True, but my father did !

Sex n shopping have one thing in common: In both the cases, men start sweating in 15 minutes n women want to go on and on and on and on!

Just remember: No matter how hot & sexy a babe is, someone somewhere is tired of fuckin her! How do you define a virgin? On the Verge but not in! MBBS Final Exams, Question paper: Fill in the blanks. If a lady faints, we must 1st check her pu_ s _ . Only few students like me who wrote: Pulse Passed.

Lecturer in a medical college class: Man's semen contains glucose. One of the female students had doubt and she asks: Then why it doesn’t taste sweet? It’s so common hearing: How r u? What r u doin? How was ur day? Any

plans? So I thought I'll ask sumthing different. Did u scratch ur balls today?

The saddest part of a Man's body are the Balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to BE HANGED TILL DEATH ! Thought for the happy life: Patni agar pati ko naukar samjhe to pati ko kya karna chahiye? Zyada kuchh nahi... do char ghar aur pakad Lene chahiye!

Sex is like your Income... You never disclose what you get, but you always think others are getting more. A Fact: Fuck a woman and she Loves you... Love a woman and she Fucks you.

Virginity is like a balloon-1 prick & its gone! Sex is like a pack of chips- Once u start, u can't stop! Life is like a dick- When it gets hard, it fucks! What has fifty teeth & guards a monster? Your Pant Zip !

What is virginity? Virginity is a big issue over a small tissue. Why do men get circumcised? Because women will GRAB anything with 20% off!!

Church de gate te likhya c: J tusi paap kar k thak gaye o taan meri sharan ch aajao. Ik callgirl ne note pad ke usde niche apney mobile number de naal likh dita, J nahi thake taan meri sharan ch aa jao! Possible slogans for promoting Condoms: You can't go wrong if u shield your ding dong. She won't get sick if u wrap your Dick. If u go in heat cover ur Meat. Don't be a Fool Vulcanize ur tool. Wrap it in Foil before checking her oil.

Why is Pool called a fool's game? Coz u hold the stick & put the ball in the hole, instead of holding balls & putting the stick in the hole! Tell me the name of the guy who made u pregnant?

Darling: Dear, if u eat fifteen bananas, can u tell which one made u fat.

What is the definition of a Lesbian? Yet another Damm Woman trying to do a Man's job!! Life without Friends is like Boobs without Nipples... POINTLESS !

Last night at a party, someone yelled: Married guys, stand next to the person who's made your life worth living! The bartender was almost crushed! He asked: How do you feel about SEX. She said: Well I like it Infrequently. HE asked: Is that One word or Two?

Education is like hiring a prostitute-it needs both money & hard work. Fate is like getting raped-if u can't fight it, enjoy. Work is like group sex-10 people r behind ur ass to take ur place. Success is like masturbationonly ur own hand can let u achieve it. Dear Sexscriber, Ur SEX Balance is Low, Ur Account Will be Put into Virginity Mode. Pls Refuck as Soon as Possible to Keep Ur Account ACTIVE. Condoms Apply...

A couple, recently married, were unhappy with the whole thing... He was unhappy with the hole and She was unhappy with the thing! Two Gays got into a heated argument. Whilst arguing, 1 of them shouted: Kiss My Ass!

The other replied: This is not the time 2 b romantic. Ek bahu saari raat paraaye mard ke saath sokar aayi lekin uski saas ne kuch nahin kaha, why? Kyonki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!! What's the difference between stress, tension & panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when g/f is pregnant & panic is when both r pregnant.

'Great, just what I need,' she moaned as he brought home a new microwave oven. 'One more thing that heats up instantly & goes off in 20 seconds.'

It has been determined that the most often sexual position for married couples is the doggie position! The hubby sits up and begs while the wife rolls over and plays dead! The makers of Viagra have announced that they have developed a pill to increase wetness in females. The pill will be called Niagara! Recently a London Newspaper has revealed why Lady Diana left Prince Charles. After marriage she found out that all rulers do not have twelve inches.

The importance of UNITY explained at it's best: What did one leg of a woman tell dthe other: UNITED we are saved, Divided we are Fucked.

Old Proverb: A smile is a curve that makes everything straight. New Proverb: Boobs are curves that make something super straight...!

What do politicians and porn stars have in common? They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera. On a NUDE beach a man shakes hand with a lady & says: Pleased to meet U! Lady: Yeah, I can SEE that.

A white man was on a safari in Africa, he saw a black man bathing in a river, the black man was very well endowed, in fact it was hanging below the knees, the white man stared in astonishment. The black man asked in anger: What’s

the matter, does not the white man's member shrink in cold water? Test ur IQ: Poisonous BRA: CoBra Mathemetical BRA: AlgeBra Striped BRA: ZeBra Strongest BRA:VerteBra Sun-sign BRA: LiBra And u thought u knew all abt BRA!

Want to see URANUS planet without a telescope ? Ok, bend ur waist by 90 degrees, then bend ur knees 45 degrees. Hold a mirror between ur legs, now u can see UR-ANUS! It’s so common hearing How r u? What r u doing? How was ur day? Any plans? So I thought I’ll ask something different. Did u scratch ur balls today?

Girl: Darling tumne mujhme aisa kya dekha ki tumhe mujhse pyar ho gaya? Boy: Darling abhi kuch dekha hi kahan hai, dekhne ke liye hi to tumse pyar kar raha hu!!! Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves U. It’s only when U send her virgin. -Swami Sexanand. Ek hijde ne Viagra khayi. Shareer mein se aawaz aayi: Maaf keejiye, aap ke system mein yeh suvidha uplabadh nahi hai. A party girl asked a Major, when was the last time u had sex? Major: 1956. Wow she said. Like to have now? Major glancing at his watch, not now. it’s only 2014.

AIDS Awareness: Try different positions with the same woman instead of the same position with different women. Plz pass it on to all careless fuckers. I just did. Pappu Bank se 50,000 Rs lene gaya. 500 k note nahi si. Lady cashier: Aap so (100) k le loge? Pappu: Tussi deyo ta sahi, asi kharekhare hi lai-leyaangey.

What is the Similarity between VIAGRA & Goverment Offices? Dono aapko 2 minute k Kaam k liye ek Ghanta khada rakhtey hain. Similarities between BRA and BAR. Both have same alphabets. Both r drinkin zones. Both have restriction time of closing and openin. When open, both drive men crazy!

God asked Women: Did I make a Mistake in Designing Men? Women: It’s OK Except that the "JOY STICK" meant for us is not Detachable. Todays generation: Six year old boy to a four year old boy: Dude, I found a condom in the balcony. Four year old boy: What’s a balcony ?

Thought for the day: Fuck a girl & she'll love you... Love a girl & she'll fuck you! Suhag raat ko dulha bola: Priye bolo, aaj tujhe chand pe le jaun ya taaron me? Dulhan: Pehle apna Rocket dikhao, phir decide karungi.

Q: Why is it good for young boys to read Playboy & Penthouse? A: It improves hand-eye coordination. AIDS awareness slogan: Either use First Hand or Just Hand. Condoms are not 100% safe. The other day my friend was wearing one and he got hit by a bus! Ancient Chinese wisdom for men: Always marry a woman with small hands. Makes u'r cock look bigger!

Accident takes a minute but sufferings last a lifetime. Plz wear Condom & Helmet on ur appropriate heads during Respective Driving.

Q: What did the sign s on the door the door of the Whorehouse say? A: Beat it - We're closed.

Q: What does a nymphomaniac chicken sound like? A: Fuck-fuck-fuck...... fuck-fuck-fuck. Q: What did the sign s on the door the door of the Whorehouse say?

A man raced into to the gents toilets in a pub, ran up to the urinal, whipped out his 12 inch dick & said with a sigh of relief: Phew, just made it! The man next to him, looked over & said: Pretty impressive, could you make me one too! Advice of a dentist: Treat your girl friend like a toothbrush. Dont let

anybody else use it and get a new one every 3 months!

Q: What is common between a girl's legs n Amul butter? Both are delicious when spread. Mr Chu from China & Mr Tiya from Korea came to India & setup a Firm. Till now, they have no Business & are still wondering why their firm: CHUTIYA & CO. failed?

Doctors have discovered that most single women can't fart. Apparently, they don't have an asshole until they get married to one. Sir: Tum bade ya tumhare Papa? Student: Main. Sir: Kaise?

Student: Maine mummy ka Doodh peena chhod diya hai lekin PAPA abhi bhi peete hai What's the difference between a thin prostitute and a counterfeit note? One is a phony buck and the other is a boney fuck. During sex, wife says: U r like a mobile phone! Husband: Do I vibrate a lot ? No, when u get into the tunnel, u lose ur network.

A pros for nite: Rs 2000 Hotel Room: Rs 3000 Condoms: Rs 50 Erection: SORRY! There r some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Master Card!

Old man: Doc ever since my heart transplant I always think of sex, money & more sex. Have I grown young? Doc: Not really... The heart was of a prostitute.

Q: Why do Women hate getting periods? A: Because it is a ‘Bloody’ Waste of ‘Fucking’ Time! It’s true! All the men have double standards. They hate cats but love pussies. And they don't want to be seen riding a donkey but love to ride a good ass!

Lakh hila lo, lakh daba lo, lakh utha lo, lakh bitha lo, lakh ghuma lo, lakh

mana lo, lekin SUSU ki aakhri boond hamesha CHADDI mein hi giregi Q: What's the difference between a policeman's knightstick and a magician's wand? A: A Magician's wand is for cunning stunts.

Happiness is like a penis- It always looks small if u hold it in ur own hand. But when u learn to share it, u realizes how big it grows! Teacher: Name some films that have almost same stories? Pappu: Madam, Blue films.

Guys think larger a woman's breasts, less intelligent she is. But the fact is

that larger a woman's breasts, less intelligent the Men become! On a NUDE beach a man shakes hands with a lady & says: Pleased to meet you. Lady: Ya, I can SEE that. Ik aadmi nu Chhik (aa chi) aayee te naal hi padd vi aa gaya. Oh chhik te padd maar ke boliya: Wah O yaad karan waleya, bund hi paad ditti... What’s d heights of tension? When u get 2 c cleavage of sexy teacher sitting right in front of u, during last 5 minutes of exam & u got 2 write a lot to pass.

A General asks a young lady officer, how she felt in Services?

Lady: Very fine, whole day passes in saying Yes Sir, Yes Sir & the whole night in No Sir, No Sir! Dr: Jor se saans lijiye, Lambi saans, aur Lambi then a sound came "khatak" Dr: Oh! lagata hai aapka rib fracture hai. Lady: Chup raho, meri bra ka huk toot gya hai.

Through all the things that came to pass Our love has grown . . . but so's your ass. I bought this Valentine's card at the store In hope that, later, you'd be my whore

3 friends talking about AIDS

Friend: Kabhi condom ke bina nahin karta. Santa: Ungli mein bhi condom pehnta hoon. Banta: Main to bilku risk nahin leta, padosi se karwata hoon. What's the moral of movie Salaam Namaste? The moral is: Never trust Australian Condoms.

Every married man keeps wondering every evening: Shud I go out and look at what I cannot fuck or stay home and fuck what I cannot look at. 8 qualities of a perfect husband: Brave, Intelligent, Gentle, Polite, Energetic, Nutty, Industrious, Sensitive. And if all else fails, read the capital letters only.

Want a booming business? Start a condom company named "DIPPER Condoms". U'll get free publicity on every truck in India. Use DIPPER at night. Kalu makes idlis 4 breakfast. Wife: How did u manage 2 make such huge idlis? Kalu: With the help of this special cloth. Wife-U idiot give me my Bra back. A great scientist developed a bra that stops woman's boobs from bouncing while running or nipples showing when wet. His colleagues killed him! Sex - Burn Calories Chart Lying down: 90cal Standing up: 492cal Doggie style: 326cal 2nd round: 824 cal

Dressing up after sex while spouse knocks at d door: 5000 cal

A kid asked a priest: Father, besides praying do u hv any other passtime? The priest tapped the kids cheek & calmly replied: Nun my child, nun. A very sexy n attractive female employee to her boss: Sir, Will you remove something from my breast? Boss:Wow! What's that? Ur eyes, sir !

Don’t carry umbrella during rain, keep WHISPER on ur head coz yeh ghanto tak geelepan ka ehsas bhi na hone de. If a black man fucks a white girl using a pink condom what colour of child will he get?

Idiot... still thinking? He was using a condom.

Viagra now available in powder to put in tea, does nothing for erections but stops your biscuit from going soft. When an apple is green, it is ready to pluck and when a girl is 18 she is ready to... VOTE. Hamesha galat hi sochoge!

Knowledge is like ur underwear... u should have it, but not show it off & most important, when u have sex, keep ur knowledge aside. Air Hostess came out of Pilot's Cabin, dress crumpled, hair messy, blouse open, bra Missing, wet skirt.

Santa: Now I know why it's called COCK- PIT

Sex & Shopping have one thing in common: In both the cases, men start sweating in 15 minutes & women want to go on and on and on and on! What's the diff between a Lollipop and a Penis ? The Lollipop gets smaller with each lick and PENIS gets bigger with each lick. Kya hoga agar Pepsodent wale condom banaye to....??!! Hona kya hai?! Raat Bhar Dishum Dishum ! Ek ladki ki t-shirt pe likha tha “93.5 Red FM” To batao uski pant par kya likha hoga Bajate raho

A boy & gal of LKG class asked teacher: Kya chote baccho ke bacche ho sakte hai? Teacher: No. Boy said to gal: Bas dekha! Tu aise hi dar rahi thi. Gals: Inspector ji Munde tang karde ne. Boys: Eh ilzaam jootha hai Inspector saab, assin tang nai karde, khulli karde ne.

Duniya mein sab se himmat wala kaun? Dhobi- kabhi bhi kisi ke ghar jaa kar bol sakta hai sahib bibi ji ko bolo kapde nikal kar rakhe mein abhi aa ke leta hu.

Madam: Billu, kutti de enne bachche kyun hu jande ne? Billu: Madam tussi vi sadak te nange ghumoge te tuhade vi ho jaan ge.

Teacher comes to class with a rose in her blouse & asks: What does Roses drink? Boy: Milk Teacher: No, roses drink water. Boy: Oh, I didn't know the stem is that long. Pehlan usne chunni utaari, phir kameez, phir undershirt te phir bra utaari aur aakhir mein... salvaar bhi utaar layi. Fer...? Fer ki si taar khaali ho gayi.

Boss to a lady during interview for the post of secretary: What's the diff between Paperclip & Screw? Lady: I don't know, I have never been paperclipped. Height of reality: An actress being fucked by a producer without using a condom saying that she has to play the role of a pregnant lady in his next movie.

In a rape trial the lawyer asked: Did u scream for help? Girl: Yes Sir. Lawyer: Did anyone come? She shyly replied: Yes sir, first I did, then he did. A very sexy & attractive female employee meets her boss & says: Sir, will you remove something from my breasts?

Boss Wow, whats that? Gal: Ur eyes, sir...

Gay to his partner in the morning: Aap naraaz hain humse? Partner: Nahin. Gay: To phir raat ko meri taraf muh kar ke kyon soye the? A gal to black boy: Tum itne kaale kyon ho? Boy: Agar kala hoon to ismein tumhare baap ka kya jaata hai? Gal: Agar mere baap ka gaya hota to itne kale na hote.

If you cry, I cry...if you laugh, I laugh...if you are happy, I am too...if you are sad, I am too...and if you are horny, call me.

A newly wed couple went to CM for aashirwaad. CM said: Hum CM hain aur CM kabhi aashirwaad nahin dete, sirf udghatan karte hain.

What's common between Suicide and Masturbation? Khud-Kushi & Khud-Khushi. One agent was tensed. Dealer: Kya hua? Agent: Main 6 mahine se tour pe hoon, aur meri biwi pregnant ho gai. Dealer: Ab pata chala bina order ke maal aaye to kaisa lagta hai...

Boss to his secretary: Book my ticket for London, aur suno mera naam D.K. Bose likhwana, varna Airport pe mera naam BhosDK announce hota ha

Important Chinese sayings: 1) If u don't like oral sex then keep ur mouth shut. 2) Opinion is like an asshole, everyone has one. 3) To avoid rape, say YES

What do deer and women have in common? The Hornier, the better !!! Which is the smallest hotel in the world? VAGINA INN. It can accomodate only one standing guest with his luggage hanging outside...

A woman who aroses a man and leaves is called a Cockteaser. What is a man who does the same called? A Moisturiser

Q: What does a Rubik's Cube and a penis have in common? A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Desk-top is what u do with the Secretary in the office; Lap-top is what u do with the girlfriemd in the room; Palm-top is when u r without them and alone Schoolgirl: I do not want to the Sex Education. Teacher: Why not? Schoolgirl: Someone told me the final exam wud be ORAL

Lady: I'm warning u, my hubby is coming back in half an hour. Man: But I'm not doing anything. Lady: That's why I'm warning u. Hurry up. Bihari Babu: Arre O doctarwa, kaisa nasbandi kiye ho humaar? Biwi phr se maan banne wali hai.

Doc: Hum nasbandi tohar kiya hoon pura Bihar ka nahin.

Happiness is like a dick. It always looks small if u hold it in ur own hand. But when u learn to share it, u realize how big it grows... Judge: U r fined Rs 11420 Rapist: 11420 ?? Judge: 10000 for rape, 10.2% entertainment tax & 4% VAT

A 20 yr old gal to tatoo artist: How much for an animal on my knee? Artist: Rs 500 for Tiger, Rabbit or Lion but Giraffe is free. What is the similarity between a bus conductor and a gay? Both shout: Peechey se Aaa

Woman: Doc saab mujhe thode din bachcha nahin chahiye. Doc: Yeh Condom Le Lo. Woman: Ye pani ke saath loon ya doodh ke saath. Doc: Kele ke saath Beauty is 2 c & 2 touch, Flowers r 2 smell & 2 pluck, Nipples r 2 play & 2 suck, Women r 2 Luv & 2 Fuck, All these r free but depends on Luck

A Chinese man files for divorce Judge: What's the reason? Chinese: Me no come, she no come, baby come, how come Judge: May be side income A young gal goes to a Doc with mom

Gal: Medical check up karwana hai Doc: Kapde utaar k parde k peeche let jaao Gal: Mera nahin, mom ka Doc: Oh, aap jeebh dikhayen 3 commandants for a successful life: Stay married, u hv nothing to lose except happiness, stay cool coz marriage is not a word but a life sentence, stay faithful to the wife. Whose wife? That can be discussed later A delicate young man walked into an army recruiting office. After answering numerous questions, he was finally asked if he was a homosexual. The guy admitted that he was. Recruiter: Gay, huh? Do you think you could kill a man? "My, yes," the man giggled, "but it would take days & days"

Litte Boy: Daddy, where did I come from? Daddy: You came from the stork Little Boy: Ewww, you fuc ked a stork? What do you do if you come across a girl in your bed? Apologise and wipe it off!

A kid wrote to Santa Claus: Send me a brother Santa wrote back: Send me ur mother Kissing is a habit, Making love is a GAME, Guys get pleasure, Gals get pain! He says love u & she believes it's TRUE, But wen tummy gets bigger, he say 'Hell to U'

Pregnant gal se Doc ne pucha: Yeh kab hua? Gal: Jab Mom n Dad film dekhne gaye the, mera friend ghar aaya tha. Doc: Tum saath kyon nahin gayi? Gal: Adult movie thi... How wud u tell ur galfriend if u want to go to toilet on 1st date. Dear I've to go to shake hands with my close friend with whom I'm going to introduce u later

Ik badmaash ik kuri nu chak ke lai janda hai te rape karna shuru kar dinda hai. Karda karda ruk jaanda hai te kehnda hai: Hun dass kithe hai tera ashiq, je hai dum taan...

Kudi: Tu ruk na kari chal, maza aa reha hai, us kamine nu SMS padi jaan de Why do pubic hair never grey and hair on head turn grey? Because utte sochan hi sochan te thale moujan hi moujan.

For toothpaste ad they show teeth. For hair oil they show hair. For face cream they show face. But for Whisper they r not showing anything, that's cheating. Jaago Grahak Jaago A prostitute goes to a school for a job Principal: Can u teach zoology/biology/geology or physiology? Prostitute: No. Only DALOGY & NIKALOGY

Ladki aur chai mein hamesha 6 qualities honi chahiye: Garam ho, Tez ho, Meethi ho, Doodh jyada ho, 5 minute mein taiyyar ho, and Raat bhar sone na de Baniya gave matrimonial ad for his daughter, working at a call centre: Wanted a suitable match for Chandigarh's highest paid call girl

Bania to petrolpumpwala: Your scheme 'Free Sex with Petrol' is a fraud. Pumpwala: It's not fraud sir. Ask ur wife, she has already won 9 times A young blonde goes to the doc 4 a physical. The doctor puts his stethoscope up to the gal's chest & says: Big breaths. The girl replies: Yeth & I'm not even 16

Man was smoking in a bus. Conductor: No Smoking ka board nahin dikhta? Man: Uske side mein 'Always Wear Condom' ka board hai, ab vo bhi laga ke baithoon? Without a doubt, women are the foundation stone of the society; but always remember who laid them!

10 qualities of a perfect girlfriendTruthful, Intelligent, Gentle, Humble, Tolerant, Polite, Understanding, Sexy, Smart, Youthful. In short -TIGHT PUSSY A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector. Friend: How was ur first night? Man: She charged Rs 100 from me for Overspeed, 200 for wrongside entry and Rs 500 for no helmet

School mein bachche ke papa ne teacher se kaha: Madam ji Thodi aap koshish karo, thodi hum karte hain, bachcha to nikal hi jayega...! Ek sawaal: Duniya ka sabse mushkil kaam kya hai? Jawaab: Soye huye pappu par condom chadhaana.

Boy: If I press ur boobs & run, what'll u think? Girl: I'll think... Ek bewakoof, jo puri car chala sakta tha, sirf horn daba ke bhag gaya What did the Hen say when Rooster tried to rape her? Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuckaaak

An ad in the paper: Come Via_Agra... and see man's greatest erection for a woman. The Taj Mahal...! Boy asks a girl: How much calcium is there in woman's Breasts? Girl: Woman's Breasts have enough calcium to help a Man's boneless thing standup!

Ladki apni marzi se de to Pyar, Dost dilaen to Uphaar, Ghar wale dilaen to Sanskaar Aur hum apne aap le lein to Balatkaar Why Newton was shocked when he saw a beautiful girl naked? He found his dick going up, which was against his 'Law of Gravity'

A baniya has sex just on alternate days! His friend asks him the reason. Baniya replies: Ke karen, ek din to condom sukhane mein lag jaave hai! Y do women with large breasts have small waists? Because nothin grows under the shade

Ladies hostel warden calls electricity office & complains: Aaj to aadmi bhej do, ladkiyan 3 din se mombatti se kaam chala rahi hain Congratulations on the termination of ur isolation & may I express an appreciation of ur determination to end the desperation & frustration which has caused u so much consternation in giving u the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.

What's the similarity between drinking a coke & sucking a tall woman's tits? Piyo sar utha ke... The irony of a blow job is that even if you have her at your feet she's got you by the balls.

A fat electrician while having sex asks her wife: Bolo priye tumhe kya gam hai? Wife: Swami Load Jyada aur Voltage kam hai Dear subscriber ur sex balance is low. Ur account will be put into virginity mode so please refuck as soon as possible to keep ur account open.

What's the difference between Patiala Peg n Patiala Salwar? Ek chadti jaldi hai aur ek utarti jaldi hai. A boy comes to his class with broken specs. Teacher: What happened? Boy: I was kissing my galfriend Teacher: How could u break ur specs kissing a gal? Boy: She crossedher legs

What does a hen think when a cock runs after her? She thinks: I hope I'm running not too fast Y is puppy greater than dog? Coz it could wriggle out of the spot where its father got stuck!!

Man: Mistriji, bed majboot banana, mere bete ko bahu ke saath sona hai. Mistri: Aisa majboot banaunga ki saara mohalla Bahu ke saath soye to bhi nahin tootega Jab Gabbar paida hua to uski maan ne us se 3-4 thappad lagaye Gabbar's Father: Kya baat ho gayi? Mother: Kambakht paida hote hi pooch raha tha KTNE AADMI THE...

Girl: Arey itna bada! Munh mein kaise daloongi? Boy: Jaldi munh kholo! Girl: Oops, sare kapdey giley ho gaye. Boy: Aur logi? Girl: Na baba, yeh golgappe tum hi khao Common statements by girls after the exam & the wedding night: Thoda Mushkil tha lekin Achcha tha, Kaafi

lamba bhi tha, Thak gayee, Aata tha lekin theek se kar nahin paayi

The trouble with finding ur perfect soul mate is that she would probably want to get married, then 4 weeks after the wedding u would meet another perfect soul mate, with larger breasts A lady, toweling off in front of the mirror, noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down & said to her privates: I know u haven't been getting much lately but I didn't know u were so worried about it

Judge: So, when did you realise that you were raped? Prostitute: When the cheque bounced! What's fashion designing?

Too many brains, with too many ideas working on too little pieces of cloth... just to cover two little tits of a model A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams. Her husband sent telegram to her parents - Meena First Class in Bed! The prayer of a naughty girl visiting the Chucrh: Oh Virgin Mother thou who did conceive without sinning... teach me to sin without conceiving!

A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it BAR & BRA... wonder what it’s about these three letters that both induce sudden desire & thirst, anytime you see them open...

Pastor: Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things? Johnnie: Sure, back of the church yard. Two prostitutes were talking: We're in the best business in the world Why's that then? Well, we've got it, we sell it, and we've STILL got it!

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby? Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock. A sexy woman is like a 1000 Rupee note. U don't know how many have handled it but u still want to have it.

U should be thankful to the Govt for the condition of Indian roads, otherwise u wud have missed the beautiful view of Bouncing boobies on scooties! Hey dude Congrats!!! Heard you got selected as the first male model for Whisper Ad... 'Why Should Girls have all the Fun'

Teacher: Hamein machcharon ko paida hone se rokna chahiye. Student: Wo to ho hi nahin sakta. Teacher: Kyon? Student: Kyonki itna chota condom ban hi nahi sakta. Jab tumahara rape hua to tumne kya mehsoos kiya?

Girl: Ladoo agar zabardasti khilaya jaye to bhi lagta to meetha he hai. A rooster & cat were goin over a bridge, cat slips n falls in river. Rooster can't stop laughing. Moral: Wherever there's a wet pussy there's a happy cock A girl for first the time was handling a boy's cock. After some time some drops came out, she asked what's that? The boy said: Yeh khushi ke aansoo hain.

The makers of Viagra have announced that they have developed a pill to increase wetness in females... The pill will be called Niagra! Latest product in the market: George Bush condoms.

Ideal for fuckers who don't know when to pull out.

Q: Why are condoms transparent? A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is restricted! Don't always take things in their literal sense. Like- When Dr says take off ur clothes. When dentist says open wide. When milkman says u want in the front or in the back. When interior dec say once it is in u'll luv it. When banker says if u take it out soon u'll lose the interest. When the phone guy says wud u like it on table or against the wall!

A lady from 2nd floor asking a bananawala: Kaise diye?

Bananawala: Memsaab Aath mein Bara. Lady: Saat mein Tera deta hai to oopar aaja. Hey dude Congrats! Heard u got selected as the first male model for Whisper advertisement. Why should girls have all the fun.

Met a girl the other day who has a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh. It's amazing, if you put your ear to it you can smell the sea! A policeman arrested a prostitute in the Hospital area & asked for her profession. Prostitute: I'm a social engineer. Policeman: What do u do? Prostitute: I build & destroy erections

Q: Whats the difference between a computer and a woman? A: A computer doesn't laugh at a 3½ inch floppy. Make luv to ur galfriend on Valentine day. She'll give u gud news on Mothers` day n u'll hv a child on children`s day. Don't try this on everybody. U'll hv bad news on Dec 1 (AIDS day) It’s short thing, gets longer when u hold it, and pass between women breasts, and enters into a hole. What is it? Car Seat Belt, you dirty mind. Taxi driver: Mam, u r the 3rd pregnant lady whom I'm dropping to Airport today. Lady: But I'm not pregnant. Driver: But we hvn't reached airport yet.

Wives r incoming calls, Lovers r outgoing calls, Aunties r Toll-free calls, Callgirls r Roaming calls, Neighbour girls r Missed Calls. Heaven is when u have both girls and bottles of beer. Hell is when u discover that the bottles have holes and the girls don't.

Medical News: Patients do well when transfused chicken blood instead of human blood? Men get more cocky and women lay better. Shoe laces and smart men have one thing in common... They keep in touch with severel holes simultaneously.

If u want to start business, start a Condom company named DIPPER. It'll get free publicity on Indian trucks... Use Dipper at Night An in-depth study has shown that the bird-flu virus hits small cocks first. I thought i'd warn u immediately.

What is the resemblance between a windscreen wiper & a woman? When they are wet, they do not squeak any more! Which part of the body is most sensitive while watching adult movies? Guess? Ha ha, U R wrong. It's ur ears to make sure ki koi aa to nahin raha.

The definition of an optimist is a woman who loads up the CD changer before making love. Young man asks an older man: Sir, what is retrenchment? Older man: Retrenchment is when u r replaced by a computer at work and a vibrator at home. Condom to whisper: Bloody every month u stop my business for one week. Whisper: If u make a mistake I lose my business for 9 months. Sex is evil Evil is sin Sin is forgiven So let's begin.

Singboard outside a prostitute's house: Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy... Yesterday's news: An aunty was raped while jogging. Today's news: More aunties found jogging.

A policemen arrested a prostitute Gal: I'm a saleswoman not prostitute. Police: What r u selling. Gal:I"m selling condoms & offering a FREE DEMO How do Municipal Buses help in Family Planning? By spreading the Message: KRIPYA PEECHHE SE CHADHIYE

Written on the T-Shirt of a girl:

SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they appear from outside. Palat k Dekh Jaalim, Tamanna hum bhi rakhte hai, Husn tum rakhti ho to jawaani hum bhi rakhte hai, Gehrai tum rakhti ho to Lambai hum bhi rakhte hai.

Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khul dekh Ladkiyan zor se hasnelagi. Masterji bole: Zyada hehe ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga. Father: Tell me the name of the bastard who made u pregnant? Daughter: Daddy if u eat fifteen bananas, can u tell which one made u fat?

Why is golf called a wrong game? Coz u hold a stick n put the ball in the hole instead of holding the ball n putting the stick in the hole. Balatkari Baba ka b'day kal GB Road pe dhoom dhaam se manaya jayega. Blue film & bahut si adult samagri bhi baanti jaeygi. SMS sirf khaas tharkiyon ko bheja ja raha hai What women don't really understand: For a man, his friends r like his balls. Very close to him, constantly at hand n always hanging around seemingly doing nothin, but without em he's simply not a complete man. Why is sex like shaving? Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll have to do it again...

Johny Johny Yes Papa Fuckin Gashties Yes Papa Wearing condom No Papa Getting AIDS HA HA HA Send to all careless fuckers. During a sexual session, the gal says: U r like a mobile phone! He asks: Do I vibrate a lot? Gal: No, when u get into the tunnel, u loose signal.

In chemistry class teacher asked a gal: What r nitrates? Ladki ne sharma ke kaha: Night rates r costlier then day.

Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.

Man: Doc mera khada nahi hota hai. Doc: R u married? NO. Do u hv a g/f? NO. Do u go to prostitutes? NO. Doc: To khada karke kya calander tangega? Smoking one cigarette makes your life 11 minutes shorter. A good fuck makes it last 15 minutes longer. So smokers...FUCK FOR YOUR LIFE!

I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Tuesday, Thursday, Today,

Tomorrow, Thaturday, Thunday and Tevery other day! Women eh! Boob jobs, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellies & clits. Eyebrows plucked, bikini lines & legs waxed & they won't take it up the arse ‘coz it HURTS!

If a married woman is called 'Polo... The mint with a hole' Then what's an unmarried woman called...? CENTER FRESH New AIDS awareness slogan: Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women. Q: What's the definition of a Menstrual Period? A: A bloody waste of fu*kin time!

An old lady owned two dogs. One day they both died, so she took them to the taxidermist. So u want them mounted? No. Holding hands will do just fine.

Q: What's the closest thing to a woman's period? A: Your salary. It comes once a month lasts about 3-4 days and if it doesn't come everythings fucked. Q: How do we know men invented maps? A: Who else would turn an inch into a mile!

Banana and a vibrator sitting on a bedside table. Banana turns 2 vibrator

I don't know why you are fuckin shaking, she's goin 2 eat me! A man meets a lady at a bar and says: Hi, what' ur name? She replies: Carman, coz I like cars & I like men, what's urs? Man: Beer cunt!

Women r like a pair of rubber boots. When they r dry, u can’t enter them, when they r wet, they smell & when u walk on the street with them, people laugh at u. Name the 5 great kings that have brought happiness in peoples lives? DrinKING, LicKING, SucKING, F*cKING, W*nKING !

Customer: Excuse me, but how can this tiny little hand bag cost so much? Cashier: It`s made of foreskin madam, when u lick it, it becomes a suit case! After great sex, she lies there stroking his penis. He asks: Do you want more sex? She says: No. Just admiring your penis. I used to have one just like it.

A gal tells her Doctor: I've got a bad discharge. Dr: Drop ur knickers. He fingers her & says how’s it feel? Gal: Very nice, but the discharge is in my ear. The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating, but only 10% enters the female, and you

wondered why the sea tasted so Fu*kin salty! A reasent studdi haz chown thet peapel hoo aar amezing in bed ar krapp at spelin! What's the diff between hook in cricket and hook of bra. One sends ball out of boundary and other keeps balls within the boundary.

When nobody luvs u, nobody cares 4 u, nobody think about u, every1 ignores u, then go n sit in the corner close ur eyes n think: Bhanch*d Chakar kya hai? Jack & Jill went up the hill to have a little fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

Workers discuss cricket! Managers discuss tennis! Top bosses discuss Snooker! CEO's discuss Golf! Moral: Higher u go smaller ur balls become! Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai? Jab kisi ladki ka rape hone ke baad uski ma bolti hai, "Hey Bhagwan yeh tune kya kiya."

If the penis is hard & erect it needs good fuck, if it’s erect but soft it needs good suck, if it’s neither hard nor erect, it needs Good luck! As a man goes older, it is harder and harder for him to grow harder.

Q: Why does a stupid blond girl never swim on her belly? A: When she feels something wet she turn on her back. Q: Why are men like a toothbrush? A: They are useless without handle.

When I was born I got the choice: a major dick or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose. Thought for the day: In terms of sex satisfaction, woman is like a road and a man is like a traveller. The traveller gets tired but the road never ends!

Man quits smoking because of will power.

He quits drinking because of will power. But he quits womanizing because he has the will but no power. Q: What do you call Afghan virgin? A: Never Bin LaDen

Woman has man in it; Mrs. has Mir in it; Female has male in it; She has He in it; Madam has Adam in it; No wonder men always want to be inside women! Q: Agar Madhubala ki jagah Mallika Sherawat hoti Mughal-e-Azam mein to film ka naam kya hota? A: Mughal-e-Orgasm!!!

Kaho Santa ji suhaag raat kaisi rahi?

Kuch mat pooocho yaar! Pehle 5-6 baar to missed call lagi aur jab sahi number laga to balance nil ho gya? A Greek n Italian were arguing over who is superior. Greek: We gave sex to the world. Italians: Yes you did, but we introduced it to women!

Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand. Write an essay which contains factors religion, sex & mystery. Winning essay: Oh my god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it!

Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster? A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death. Q: What's the difference between a person who is committing suicide and a virgin? A: One is trying to die and the other one is dying to try.

What do u usually say after Sex? I Luv U? Wrong! That was great? Wrong again! I Luv it? Wrong again! The Ans: Mera Kachha Kithe Hai! Ever wondered why A, B, C, D, E & F are used for bra sizes? A: Almost boobs

B: Barely there C: Can do D: Damn good E: Enormous and F for Fake. Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right? A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed. Doctor: You look terribly weak and exhausted! R u having your meals 3 times a day as I advised? Lady: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.

Q: What's the similarity between a lady and a chewing gum? A: Both are sweet and tight in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later.

An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets.

Lightest muscle is a man's PENIS. It can be raised by a woman's TONGUE! Strongest muscle is a man's TONGUE! It can raise a woman's LEGS! Breaking News: Coke'll launch a new soft drink in the world market soon, that"ll contain Viagra. They have named it MOUNT-N- DO!

Taking a clue from recent budget, a call girl now charges extra for ANAL entry. She calls it 'Turnover' tax. A survey by Cosmo states that women who sleep on their side are sensitive, on stomach are competent and on

their back with legs in the air are very popular.

Q: Why do pubic hair never grey and hair on head turn grey? A: Because utte sochan hi sochan te thale moja hi moja. Mr Elahi had 3 sons named Rehmet-eElahi, Brkat-e-Elahi, n Mehbub-e-Elahi. When his 4th son was born his wife decided to name him Bus-Kar-e-Eelahi

A 95 yr old man sucks his 90 yr old wife's breast for half hour and drinks two drops of milk and dies. Postmortem report: Died because of drinking something after expiry date. Q: What did one ant say to the other while climbing up Prince Charles' leg?

A: Meet you at the royal ball. Karamchand to his secretary: Today u hv not worn up panties, y? Sec: U r a gr8 detective. How did u come 2 know this? KC: Today, I saw dandruff on your shoes! Q: Why women wear bra & panty with flowers printed on them? A: To pay tribute to men who got burried at these 2 places.

A bachelor gives an AD in a matrimonial. "Wanted - Girl Age no bar, looks no bar, Money no bar, But SEX Baar-baar, Hazaar bar...... Lagataar....! If the penis is hard & erect it needs good fuck, if its erect but soft it needs good suck,

if its neither hard nor erect, it needs good luck!

One day the penis tells the balls: Tonight v r goin 4 a party! The balls reply, U bloody fuckin liar, u always get inside while v r left outside! Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot, bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons!

3 Facts of Life Garib aur Boobs hamesha dabte hai. Musibat aur penis kabhi bhi khade ho jate hai. Kismat aur Bra kabhi bhi khul sakti hai. Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai?

Jab kisi ladki ka rape hone ke badd uski ma bolti hai "HEY BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA.

Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard! Can't believe after all the shit they have been through they're still together. Who? Your bum cheeks!!

A girl who opens her hands receives gifts. Who opens her heart receives love. Who opens her legs receives happenis Latest porn releases: Shaving Private Ryan, Position Impossible, As Big As It

Gets, Forest Hump, Riding Miss Daisy, Starwhores and Pornocchio. Nipple, Nipple don’t b far, let me press u in my car, up above the chest so high, always milky never dry, let me suck u don’t feel shy, in the bra u’ll die. If you assume you may make an ASS out of U and ME, but if you don't assume, nothing gets done.

Feelin bored? Think of me. Feelin sad? Call me. Feelin lonely? See me. Feelin horny? Use ur hand & njoy d art of messaging me. Smoking one cigarette makes your life 11 minutes shorter. A good fuck

makes it last 15 minutes longer. So smokers...FUCK FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!

Q: What's the similarity between a lady and a chewing gum? A: Both are sweet n tight in the beginning but become tasteless n shapeless later. Confucious say Man have more hair on chest than woman - but on the (w)hole woman have more.

What's common between the sun & women's underwear? a) Both are hot b) Both look better while going down c) Both disappear by night. Behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man, but behind

a SATISFIED woman there is an EXHAUSTED man.

Santa was watching a Blue Film. He saw his wife in the film. After the film ended he said: Thank God it was just a movie & not real. Santa to Banta after interview: Everything went fine till the time he asked me for my testimonials. I guess I showed him the wrong thing!

Obscene phone caller: Hello baby, if u can guess what's in my hand I'll let u have it. Preeto: Listen ji, if u can hold it in one hand I'm not interested.

Banta Complaining: U r so unresponsive, do u use cold cream between ur legs? Preeto Taunting: U must be using vanishing cream between urs.

Santa after interview: Everything went fine till the time he asked me for my testimonials. I guess I showed him the wrong thing! Santa: What is the similarity between a Bank & a Bra ? Banta: Dono ke ander Jitna MAAL Jyaada Utna Interest Jyaada.

Santa was teaching Preeto swimming. After 2 hrs Preeto said: Tell me, will I really drown like a leaking boat if u take out ur finger?

Jeeto: Doc saab, mujhe thode din bachcha nahinn chahiye. Doc: Take this condoms. Jeeto: Ye paani ke saath loon ya doodh ke saath. Doc: Kele ke saath.

Gal's father: Beta kya karte ho? Santa: Ji samaaj seva karta hoon. Gire huon ko uthata hoon, bichade huon ko milata hoon. Father: Woh kaise? Santa: Ji Bra banata hoon. Banta: Ek white colour ka condom dena. Shopkeeper: White hi kyun? Banta: Padosan ka husband guzar gaya hai, afsos karne jaana hai.

Doctor advised Santa: Dabaa ke doodh piyo. Santa: Doodh to khoob peeta hoon per wohh dabaney nahin deti. Banta: Why are condoms transparent? Santa: So that the sperms can at least enjoy the scenery! Banta’s advice: Don’t carry umbrella during Rain....keep WHISPER on ur head kyunki yeh ghanton tak geelepan ka ehsas bhi na hone de Raat ko ek ladki ne Santa ki car ko rukne ka ishara kia, Santa ne car roki to ladki boli: Oh, Im Sorry! Main samjhi taxi hai. Santa: Main bhi yehi samjha tha.

Banta: Was ur wife a virgin when u married?

Santa: I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no. Preeto comes nude in front of theguests while serving the halwa. Banta shouts: What’s this? Preeto: Recipe book me likha tha ‘Serve hot without dressing’

Santa: What food u feed ur new born baby? Beautiful Young Mom: Breast milk & orange juice. Santa: Oye, Which side is orange juice? Santa: Qutub minar kahan hai? Pappu: Pata nahi. Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo. Pappu: Shyam Lal kaun hai? Santa: Pata nahi. Pappu: Kabhi Ghar pe bhi raha karo.

Santa ne apni sagaai tod di kyunki ladki virgin thi. When asked why, Santa bola: Jo aaj tak kisi ki nahi hui woh meri kaise ho sakti hai. Dhobi police se: Banta ne meri biwi ki ijjat luti!! Banta: Main press karwane gaya tha, dhobi ne kaha main khana kha raha hoon, istri garm hai mar lo!

Preeto: Darling, aaj kuch aisa karo ke mere paseenay nikal jaayen! Banta gets up and switches off the AC & fan. Santa: Bhai Saab ek condom dena. Meine girlfriend ko gift dena hai. Dukandar: Is par cover chada du.

Santa, arre nai yeh to cover hai gift to mere pass hai.

Santa went to school for getting the report card of his son. Santa: Madam kab dengi aap. Teacher: Period khatam hone tak to intezzar karo. Banta goes to a Family Planning clinic for advice. He reads the notice at the enterance: 'For Family Planning Use Rear Entry' He goes back home happily. Pappu: Kal papa ke room se pray karney ki aawazein aa rahi thi. Jeeto: Yeh to achchi baat hai. Pappu: Papa to chup the, unki secretary chilla rahi thi 'O God...O God'

Pappu: Dad, today they taught about Sex in the class. Santa: Ok son. Later he saw Pappu shaking his penis, he asked what r u doing? Pappu: Homework Dad.

2 Girls were masturbating with carrots. Banta says: What r u doing? Gals: U naughty guy, will u join us? Banta: Wait, I'll get a carrot. Banta: Yaar ek masla khada ho gaya hai. Santa: Yaar Itna kyon masla jo sala khada hi ho gaya

Santa: During sex both of us njoyed, then y should I pay?

Prostitute: For us it's Incoming, so its free. For men it's Outgoing, so u have to. Santa raping a gal in car. A cop came & said: What r u doing? Santa: I'm raping her. Cop: Ok, I'm next. Santa: Fine, but I have never raped a cop before.

Teacher gave a sentence to Santa for translation: Khushi ke maare uski chhati phool gayi. Santa: Due to happiness his chest turned into breasts. Banta: Thakur Gabbar teri bhen da rape ka dita. Te oh puch rahi hai ki... Thakur: Ki puchdi hai? Banta: Puchdi hai ki Gabbar to Badla Laina hai ya payment?

Doctor: I've got good news and I've got bad news. The bad news is you're showing signs of being a homosexual. Banta: With bad news like that, what could be the good news? Doc: The good news is I think you're cute. Preeto: I have to be damned careful not to get pregnant" Jeeto: I thought your husband had a vasectomy Preeto replies: He did!

Call Girl: Wanna have sex? Santa: Haan, lekin tum meri biwi ki tarah karogi toh Call Girl: Vo kaise? Santa: Free mein

Pappu: Papa jab aap Honeymoon pe gaye the tab mein kahan tha? Santa: Putar, jaate waqt tu mere paas tha aur aatey waqt mammi ke paas. In UK, Santa & Banta saw a poster at a Police station: Two White men wanted for Rape. Santa: These bloody goraas always get the best jobs One night Jeeto's boyfriend asked her: Darling, r u free tonight? Jeeto shouted & said: Asshole, have I ever charged u before?

Santa, unable to satisfy his wife, took Banta’s advice. While having sex, he asked her: Do u feel any change? Jeeto: Yes, today u r doing it like Banta

Santa rape karan di koshish karda hai. Kudi: Tere rape karan to pehla mein mar javangi. Santa: Aho mar jayin par kise garib de kam na aayin

Santa di saali: Jijaji 500 Rs deo agley haftey dawangi. Santa: Tu 1500 le, magar hune ge Santa: Yaar tujhe bus mein thapad kyun pada? Banta: Pata nahin yaar, meri photo neeche gir gayee thi, maine kaha behen ji zara saadi upar karna photo leni hai

On the wedding night Santa says: Bataao Hairan karoon ya Pareshan? Jeeto: Dono.

He shows his tiny 1inch penis & says: Kyun hairani hui? Jeeto: Ji Hui. Hubby: Ab pareshan karoon? Jeeto: Ji. Santa: Yeh erect hai! Santa: Mein tumhare liye churiyan laya hoon. Maid: Aap hi pehna dijiye. Santa: Mujhe tumhara response pehle pata hota to mein panty lekar aata.

Santa travelling in Virgin Atlantic asked 4 milk. Air hostess put her nipple in his mouth. Santa: Changa hoya paani nahi mangya. Santa: Will u marry me? Gal: I'm a lesbian. Santa: Lesbian? Gal: I like to hv sex with girls.

Santa: Lai, phir to I'm also a LESBIAN

After 3 hrs of sex Santa said to his galfriend: U r not going to see me for a while. Gal: R u going away? Santa: No..No... Now turn around Santa and Banta were watching bungee jumping. Santa: Wanna try it? Banta: No way. I was born because of broken rubber & I don't wanna die because of it. Banta walked up to a girl at the bar n said: Can I buy u a drink? Girl: Do u like sex? Banta: Of course. Girl: Do u like to travel? Banta: Yeah, I luv to travel. Girl: Then fuck off

Santa ko susu karta dekh ladki rasta badal kar jaane lagi to Santa bola: O madam, ghabrao mat, tum jisse dar rahi ho usko maine pakad kar rakha hai...!

Why did English teacher slap Santa? Because Santa asked her: Y is Bra is singular when it covers 2 & Panties plural when it covers only one? Pappu was masturbatin in front of girl's hostel, lukin at his galfriend. His friend asked: What r u doin? Pappu: Fuckin my galfriend via Blue Tooth

Prostitute: Hi, want to have sex? Santa: Ok. Only if you do it like my wife does.

Prostitute: I can do it in any way. So how does she do it? Man: She does it for free. Jeeto: Oh zara dheere karo, kyon Shatabdi chala rahe ho, Maalgadi chalaao. Itne mein Pappu bed se gira aur bola jo marzi chalaao par sawaari ko to mat giraao

What's the difference between a person who is committing suicide & a virgin? One is trying to die... the other is dying to try Teacher: Explain Responsibility? Pappu: Madam ur blouse has 4 buttons, if 3 buttons break down the entire responsibility'll b on the 4th one

Jeeto goes 2 repair umbrella. The man said: Upar ka kapda nikalna padega, Neeche se danda dalna padega. Jeeto: Kuch bhi karo but pani andar nahi ana chaiye Banta: Y is reading a Playboy mag like reading National Geographic? Santa: Coz in both u'll get to see a lot of gr8 places, which u'll never get to visit.

A female Press Reporter slaps Santa. Banta standing near asks Santa: Y did she slap u? Santa: On her T-shirt was written 'Press', so I just pressed… Santa was asked to give a talk on Sex He walked to the podium, adjusted the microphone & said: Ladies n Gentlemen, it gives me gr8 pleasure... And sat back down

Preeto: Suno ji, aaj phir billi dudh pi gayee. Santa: Main tainu kinni vaari keha hai ki apne blouse de button band karke soya kar. Santa to Amli: Yaar thodi jahi afeem devin kise nu deni hai. Amli: Oye afeem khake loki lende tan bahut dekhe ne par den wala tu hi milaya.

Santa: Yaar meri biwi pani se bahut darti hai. Banta: Achaa, wo kaise? Santa: Kal mein jab ghar gaya to wo bath tub mai bhi security guard ke saath baithi thi

Santa runing after a bus n, catches it n asks the Driver: Ye bus teri Ma lagti hai? Nahin. To kya Behan lagti hai? Nahin. To phir chadne kyun nahin deta?

Santa was fondling a lady in a crowded bus. Lady: Excuse me, aap achha nahi kar rahe hain! Santa: Itni bheed mein is se achha nahi ho sakta. Santa and banta were caught raping a girl. They were called for identification parade. When the girl arrives, both Santa and Banta shout together: Yahi thee, Yahi thee"

Q: What is the best family planning slogan on a municipal bus? A: Kripaya aage se nahin peeche se chadhiye. Santa was pissing when a gal saw his huge penis & said naughtily: Wow I wud luv to have that. Santa: Go & get a cup, I'm about to finish.

Judge: Y do u want divorce? Banta: She doesn't satisfy me in bed! Preeto: Tu aithey dc lagyan? Sari colony khush aa, ik teri agg nahin bhujdi. Teacher: What do you call a man that doesn't use contraceptives? Pappu: Daddy.

A man is doing push ups on the beach. Drunk Santa sees him and starts laughing loudly and says: Sorry to tell you but the women below you has already left. Judge: U want to divorce Santa 4 threatening u with a deadly weapon? Jeeto: No, ur honor. I'm divorcing him 4 threatening me every night with a dead weapon. Jeeto: Kal ek aadmi aya aur mere sath sex karke chala gaya. Santa: Tumne use roka nahi? Jeeto: Bahut kaha rukne ke liye, bola kal phir aaunga. Santa was sukin girlfriend's breasts. Gal got excited n said: Tussi hor kuch chahney ho? Santa: Doodh naal biscuit milangey?

Doctor: You look terribly weak & exhausted! R u having ur meals three times a day as I advised? Santa's wife: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day. Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing Santa thinks: Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom saath le jaa rahi hai.

Pappu meets Santa on stairs of a KOTHA. Pappu: Papa aap yahan kya kar rahe ho? Santa: Yaar ab 200-300 rupaye ke peeche teri mummy ke nakhre nahi sahe jaate! The wife was crying in pain as Banta was tryin to fuck her in the ass.

Banta says: Zyada rone ki zaroorat nahin, mujhe pata hai kitna dard hota hai.

In interview, Santa was asked: Who's Monica Seles? A tennis player. Ok, who's Monica Lewinski? Penis player. Banta to his wife, Preeto: Dear, you are the best woman in the world. Yesterday I got convinced of this once again.

Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utar dunga. Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha hai. Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai.

Santa: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to cross your mind? Wife: That you are a homosexual.

Pappu: Papa, aap papa kaise bane? Santa: Oye puttar, pa pa key! Pappu: What's the difference between Confidence and Confidential? Santa: U are my son I'm Confident. Ur friend is also my son, that's Confidential Pappu: Dad what’s the diff between luv, belief & relief. Santa: Ur Mom is my luv, ur maid is my relief & I'm your Dad - well, that's my belief. Three men discussing wives. 1st says my wife is very cold. 2nd says mine is very hot.

Santa: I'm confused. I think shes is cold but people say she's hot.

Santa: Murge kaise diye? Vendor: Rs 50, Rs 40 n Rs 10 Santa: Rs 10, itna sasta kyon? Sir ise AIDS hai. Santa: De do mujhe khana hai ga#d thodi marni hai! A man phoned & asked: Hello, is it 221714? Jeeto: Hindi me bolo. Man:Do-Do-Ek-Sat Choda? Jeeto: Nahi Sir, Teen-Teen-Ek-Sat Choda, 331714.

Santa standing in balcony without shirt. Banta, "Wah Santa ji kya chest hai.

Santa, "Eh tan kuch nahi andar ja ke apni bharjai di dekh. In a party, a lady wanted to go to toilet. She said to Santa: Susu karne ki jagah dikhaao. Santa: U naughty girl, pehle tum dikhaao.

I'm organising group sex at my home. Will u join? Santa: Yes, yes. How many people r there? Banta: Just three. Me, u n ur wife. Pappu sees his parents having sex. Pappu: Papa, kya kar rahe ho? Santa: Petrol bhar raha hoon. Pappu: Avg check karaao, abhi to Banta uncle dal kar gaye hain.

How does a vagina luk before sex? Like a pink rose with soft petals & great aroma. And after sex? Have u ever seen Santa's face after he drinks lassi? A man is doing push ups on the beach, Santa sees him and starts laughing loudly and says, "Sorry to tell you but the women below you has already left."

Doctor: U look terribly weak & exhausted! Are u having ur meals three times a day as I advised? Preeto: Doctor, I thought u said three males a day. 9 During sex Jeeto asks repeatedly: Do u luv me, do u really love me? Irritated Santa: What the hell do u think, I am doing pushups?

Santa: My 8yr old son is very naughty, he has made my maid servant pregnant. Confused Banta: How the hell? Santa: He took a pin & punctured all my condoms. Jeeto: Kal chor aya aur mere sath sex karke chala gaya. Santa: Tumne use roka nahi? Jeeto: Bahut kaha rukne ke liye, bola kal phir aaunga.

Banta: What four letter word starts with F and ends with K and if a man can't get it he uses his hands? Santa: Fork How does a vagina luk before sex?

Like a pink rose with soft petals and great aroma. And after sex? Have u ever seen Santa's face after he drinks lassi?

Santa: Oye Banta don't marry that girl, she is like a TAXI. Banta: Choti si to city hai yaar... kitni chali hogi? Santa touched Jeeto's boobs and sung: Piyo glass full doodh, wonderful doodh. Jeeto touched his penis and said: Thanda matlab CHOTA COKE!

Jeeto was about to give birth to a baby. Santa: If it looks like u, it would be great.

Jeeto: If it looks like u, it would be a miracle. Banta to a Doctor : I have diarrhoea & it wont go away. Doctor: Did you try using a lemon? Banta: Yes I did. When I remove it, it starts again.

Banta: Did u hv a chance 2 sleep with my wife? Santa: What r u saying? I’d never even think abt such thing. Banta: U might want 2. She’s much better then urs. Thank u for reading this !!