47153018 Joseph O Connor and John Seymour Introducing NLP1

INTRODUCING NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING

Like the creative composer, s o m e people are more gifted at living than others. T h e y do have an effect on those a r o u n d t h e m , but the process stops there b e c a u s e there is no way of describing in technical terms just what it is they do, most of which is out of awareness. S o m e t i m e in the future, a long, long t i m e from n o w w h e n culture is m o r e completely explored, there will be an equivalent of musical scores that can be learned, each for a different type of m a n or w o m a n in different types of j o b s or relationships, for time, space, work, and play. We see people w h o are successful and h a p p y today, w h o have j o b s w h i c h are rewarding a n d productive. W h a t are the sets, isolates, and patterns that differentiate their lives from those of the less fortunate? We n e e d to have a m e a n s for m a k i n g life a little less haphazard and m o r e enjoyable. Edward T. Hall The Sikm Language

INTRODUCING NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING PSYCHOLOGICAL SKILLS FOR UNDERSTANDING AND INFLUENCING PEOPLE

Joseph O ' C o n n o r and John Seymour

Forward by Robert Diks and preface by ]ohn Grinder

flyf Aquarian/Thorsons HHI

An Imprint of 1 hipeiCo[\iasPublishen

To all pragmatic idealists and the spirit of curiosity

The Aquarian Press An Imprint of HarperCollinsAiWiJ^r; 77-85 Fulham Palace Road, Hammersmith, London W6 8JB 1160 Battery Street San Francisco, California 94111-1213 Published by Mandala 1990 This revised edition published by T h e Aquarian Press, 1993 1 3 5 7 9 1 0 8 6 4 2 © Joseph O'Connor and John Seymour 1990 Joseph O'Connor and John Seymour assert the moral right be identified as the authors of this work A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN 1 85538 344 6 Phototypeset by Harper Phototypesetters Limited, Northampton, England Printed in Great Britain by Mackays, Chatham, Kent All rights reserved. No pan of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

CONTENTS

Foreword by Robert Dilis Preface by John Grinder Introduction Introduction to the Second Edition CHAPTER

x XI

xii

1

Sets a context a n d m a p s o u t the m a i n i d e a s of N L P ; h o w we get from o u r present reality to w h e r e we w a n t to go, o u t c o m e s , c o m m u n i c a t i o n , h o w to gain rapport, and h o w we build our u n i q u e ways of understanding the world. W h a t is N e u r o - L i n g u i s t i c P r o g r a m m i n g ? S a n t a C r u z , California, 1972 S a n t a C r u z , 1976 M a p s a n d Filters Learning, U n l e a r n i n g a n d R e l e a r n i n g The Three Minute Seminar Outcomes Present State a n d D e s i r e d State Communication Rapport P a c i n g and L e a d i n g CHAPTER

1 2 3 4 6 8 10 15 15 19 21

2

D e a l s with h o w we u s e o u r senses internally to think, h o w l a n g u a g e relates to thought, a n d h o w y o u c a n tell the way in w h i c h other people are thinking. T h e D o o r s o f Perception Representational Systems Preferred Representational S y s t e m s

25 26 29

L a n g u a g e and Representational S y s t e m s Predicates

30 31

Lead S y s t e m Synesthesias, O v e r l a p and Translation Eye Accessing C u e s O t h e r Accessing C u e s Submodalities

32 TA 35 39 41

CHAPTER

3

Deals with our states of m i n d , how they are evoked, a n d how we can use these stimuli or anchors to gain access to o u r resourceful states of m i n d at will. Physiological States and Emotional E r e e d o m Elicitation Calibration Anchors Resource A n c h o r i n g C h a i n i n g Anchors Collapsing Anchors C h a n g e Personal History Future P a c i n g N e w Behaviour G e n e r a t o r CHAPTER

49 51 52 53 56 60 61 62 64 66

4

T h i s is about thinking in terms of systems rather than simple cause and effect. It contains s o m e of Robert Dilts' recent work, h o w e n v i r o n m e n t , behaviour, capability, beliefs a n d identity fit together. Loops and Systems L e a r n i n g Loops Failure to Feedback Levels of Learning Descriptions of Reality Triple Description Robert Dilts' Unified Field of N L P Beliefs

67 71 72 73 75 76 77 83

CHAPTER

5

Describes h o w l a n g u a g e sets limits on o u r experience and how we can go beyond those limits. T h e M e t a M o d e l patterns are a way of asking key questions to clarify what people say. Words and M e a n i n g s Thinking Out Loud M a k i n g S e n s e o f Words - T h e M e t a M o d e l S a y i n g it all - T h e D e e p Structure Unspecified N o u n s U n s p e c i f i e d Verbs Comparisons Judgements Nominalizations M o d a l Operators of Possibility M o d a l Operators of Necessity Universal Quantifiers C o m p l e x Equivalence Presuppositions C a u s e and Effect Mind Reading CHAPTER

87 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 95 96 98 99 101 101 102 104

6

H o w to use language in artfully v a g u e ways that accord with other people's experience and allows t h e m access to their u n c o n s c i o u s resources - called the M i l t o n M o d e l after the world famous hypnotherapist, M i l t o n Erickson, T h e r e is a section on metaphor, another on c h a n g i n g the m e a n i n g of experience, and a third on how we perceive t i m e subjectively. U p t i m e and D o w n t i m e T h e Milton Model Pacing and L e a d i n g T h e Search for M e a n i n g Distraction and Utilization of the C o n s c i o u s M i n d Left and Right Brain H e m i s p h e r e s Accessing the U n c o n s c i o u s and Resources Metaphor T h e Prince and the M a g i c i a n R e f r a m i n g a n d the Transformation of M e a n i n g C o n t e x t Reframing

111 113 114 115 116 118 119 121 125 126 129

C o n t e n t Reframing Intention and B e h a v i o u r Six Step R e f r a m i n g

129 130 131

Timelines I n T i m e and T h r o u g h T i m e Talking with T i m e

134 137 139

CHAPTER

7

Explores more N L P patterns, including conflict, a l i g n m e n t , values and flexibility in the context of business. H o w to make m e e t i n g s run m o r e effectively a n d how to reach a g r e e m e n t in difficult situations. Conflict a n d C o n g r u e n c e Identifying your C o n g r u e n c e Signal Identifying your I n c o n g r u e n c e Signal Values and Criteria Hierarchy of Criteria Snakes and Ladders - S t e p p i n g U p a n d S t e p p i n g D o w n

141 142 142 143 145 146

Metaprograms

149

Selling Frames Meetings Negotiation

157 158 160 164

CHAPTER

8

Focuses on N L P in therapy and personal c h a n g e , and describes three classic N L P techniques: the swish, the p h o b i a cure, a n d internal conflict resolution. Psychotherapy First O r d e r C h a n g e T h e Phobia Cure T h e Swish Pattern Second Order Change Interna] Conflict

169 ] 70 171 174 176 3 76

CHAPTER

9

T h i s chapter is about our thinking strategies. T h e r e are s o m e practical examples, including the f a m o u s N L P spelling strategy. T h e r e is a strategy for musical memory, a n d a creative strategy m o d e l l e d on Walt Disney. L e a r n i n g as M o d e l l i n g H o w N L P Modelling Began Modelling

179 179 181

Beliefs Physiology Strategies A R e c i p e for Success M u s i c Strategy M e m o r y Strategy Spelling Strategy

183 184 185 185 188 189 192

Strategy for Creativity Back to M o d e l l i n g N L P , M o d e l l i n g and Accelerated L e a r n i n g User's Guide

194 198 202 203

EPILOGUE T h i s is a brief, speculative exploration of h o w N L P reflects c h a n g e in o u r culture; h o w the process of c h a n g e in the internal world of o u r t h o u g h t s reflects the increasing rate of change in the external world. REFERENCE

205

SECTION

A source of practical information a n d advice on c h o o s i n g N L P b o o k s and courses. Investing in Yourself C h o o s i n g N L P Training N L P O r g a n i z a t i o n s Worldwide

209 212 214

A G u i d e to N L P Books

227

N L P Resources G u i d e N L P Glossary

239 240

Index About the Authors

248 253

FOREWORD

It is always a pleasure to see dedicated and serious students of N L P put their talents to work. In this case, J o s e p h O ' C o n n o r and J o h n S e y m o u r have d o n e a n exquisite j o b i n presenting fundamental N L P principles and tools in an easily accessible form. T h e book is written in an enjoyable conversational m a n n e r yet m a n a g e s to preserve the richness and sophistication of the material it is portraying - thus satisfying Albert Einstein's famous dictum, 'Everything should be m a d e as simple as possible, but not any simpler.' M o r e importantly, this book provides an up-to-daU introduction and overview of N L P , incorporating the latest d e v e l o p m e n t s in the field as well as reviewing the most important N L P basics. Congratulations to t w o p e o p l e w h o are h e l p i n g to lay the groundwork for N L P in the next decade! Robert B. Dilts Santa Cruz, California D e c e m b e r 1989

PREFACE

R e a s o n a b l e m e n adapt themselves to the world. U n r e a s o n a b l e m e n adapt the world to themselves. T h a t ' s w h y all progress d e p e n d s on unreasonable m e n George Bernard Shaw History, w h e n recorded, has m u c h in c o m m o n with the s o n g of the purveyor of the latest miracle cure, the diplomat and the apologist. H o w could it be otherwise? T h e oral traditions of people in intact cultures before orthographies are introduced are b o t h a comfort a n d a challenge to them: a comfort in their orderliness and the imperative flow of events; a challenge to the singers w h o bear witness to the chaos that ultimately m u s t fit the m e t e r and length of their c h a n t e d chronicle. No doubt, after a time, blessed a m n e s i a steals u p o n t h e m and they sing with utter conviction. G r e g o r y Bate son warns us of the lethal triangle of technology, the propensity of o u r species to replace natural living physical context (the forests of the A m a z o n Basin) with artificial context (the streets of N e w York), and conscious p l a n n i n g without the balance of u n c o n s c i o u s process. T o m M a l l o y (in his brilliant novel The Curtain of Dawn) corrects t h e speech i m p e d i m e n t of Charles D a r w i n w h o said 'survival of the fittest' where he w o u l d have spoken less falsely to have said 'survival of the fitters'. T h e s e two m e n , O ' C o n n o r and Seymour, have set out to make a coherent story out of an o u t r a g e o u s adventure. T h e j u n g l e s through w h i c h R i c h a r d a n d I wandered in our explorations are bizarre a n d w o n d r o u s . T h e s e fine and well-intentioned m e n will show y o u glimpses of an English rose garden, t r i m m e d and proper. Both the j u n g l e and the rose garden carry their o w n special attractions. W h a t y o u are about to read never h a p p e n e d , reasonable, e v e n to me.

b u t it s e e m s

J o h n Grinder D e c e m b e r 1989

INTRODUCTION

T h i s book is an introduction and guide to the field known as N e u r o Linguistic P r o g r a m m i n g , or N L P . N L P is the art and science of excellence, derived from s t u d y i n g how top people in different fields obtain their o u t s t a n d i n g results. T h e s e c o m m u n i c a t i o n skills can be learned by anyone to improve their effectiveness both personally and professionally. T h i s book describes m a n y of t h e m o d e l s of excellence that N L P has built in the fields of c o m m u n i c a t i o n , business, education and therapy. T h e approach is practical, it gets results, and it is increasingly influential in m a n y disciplines all over the world. N L P continues to grow a n d generate n e w ideas. We, the writers, are aware that in contrast, b o o k s are fixed and static. Every book is a statement relative to the time it was written. It is a snapshot of the subject. However, just b e c a u s e a person will be different tomorrow is no reason not to take a p h o t o g r a p h today. T h i n k of this book as b e i n g rather like a stepping stone, allowing you to explore n e w territory a n d continue an exciting lifetime journey. It represents the authors' personal u n d e r s t a n d i n g of N L P a n d is not a definitive or official version. S u c h a version will never exist, by the very nature of N L P . T h i s is an introduction and we have m a d e m a n y choices about w h a t to include a n d what to leave out. T h e result is o n e of m a n y possible ways to organize the material. N L P is a m o d e l of h o w individuals structure their u n i q u e experiences of life. It is only o n e way to think about and organize the fantastic and beautiful c o m p l e x i t y of h u m a n thought a n d c o m m u n i c a t i o n . We h o p e that w i t h two of us writing, this description of N L P will have a d i m e n s i o n of d e p t h , w h i c h would not be the case if there was only one author. D e p t h is perceived by focusing both eyes on an object. T h e world is flat w h e n v i e w e d through o n e eye alone. N L P represents an attitude of m i n d and a way of b e i n g in the world that cannot adequately be p a s s e d on in a book, a l t h o u g h s o m e sense

Introduction

xiii

of it will c o m e from reading b e t w e e n the lines. T h e e n j o y m e n t of a wonderful piece of m u s i c c o m e s from listening to it, not from looking at the score. N L P is practical. It is a set of m o d e l s , skills and techniques for thinking a n d acting effectively in the world. T h e purpose of N L P is to be useful, to increase choice a n d to e n h a n c e the quality of life. T h e most important questions to ask about w h a t you find in this book are, 'Is it useful? D o e s it work?' Find out w h a t is useful and w h a t works by trying it out. M o r e important, find out where it does not work and then c h a n g e it until it does. T h a t is the spirit of N L P . O u r a i m in writing this book is to satisfy a n e e d that we perceived in talking to the growing n u m b e r of people w h o are b e c o m i n g interested in N L P , We set out to write a book that would provide an overview of the field. It w o u l d share our excitement at the insights into how people think and the changes that are possible. It w o u l d cover m a n y of the most useful skills, patterns a n d techniques in a way that makes t h e m readily available for use as tools for c h a n g e in a c h a n g i n g world. After a first reading, it w o u l d continue to be useful as a reference book. It would give practical g u i d a n c e in b u y i n g other N L P books to follow up particular interests a n d applications. A n d it would offer g u i d a n c e in choosing N L P training courses. T h i s aim was so daunting, given the 'elusive obviousness' of N L P , that neither of us was prepared to tackle it on o u r own. C o m b i n i n g our resources gave us the courage. H o w far we have succeeded d e p e n d s on how useful you find this book. We particularly want to e n c o u r a g e you to explore further in the field of N L P , and to u s e these powerful ideas w i t h integrity and respect for yourself and others, to create more choice and happiness in your persona] and professional life, and in the lives of others. We originally p l a n n e d a chapter of stories about how people discovered N L P and their experiences u s i n g it. We soon decided that this would not work, second h a n d experience has e n t e r t a i n m e n t value, but little direct impact. Instead, in the spirit of N L P , we urge y o u to create y o u r o w n chapter of interesting experiences using N L P . N L P is best experienced live. R e a d the m e n u , and if you like w h a t you read, enjoy the meal. A photograph never was the person. A stepping stone is not the journey. A musical score is not the s o u n d . T h e r e is no m a g i c , only m a g i c i a n s and people's perceptions.

THANKS

AND

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

We w o u l d like to thank m a n y people for inspiration and help with this hook. First, we want to give credit and recognition to the originators of N L P , R i c h a r d B a n d l e r and J o h n Grinder. We

would

also

like

to

thank J o h n

Grinder

for r e a d i n g the

m a n u s c r i p t , g i v i n g very useful feedback which we have incorporated, and for writing the preface. We also want to give credit and recognition to the m a n y other people w h o extended the ideas, especially Robert Dilts, w h o has b e e n influential in d e v e l o p i n g N L P in m a n y directions over the past decade. O u r thanks a n d appreciation to Robert for permission to use his material on strategies and the U n i f i e d Field. He has b e e n particularly helpful, given freely of his ide;ts and has inspired us greatly. David

Gaster

has

also

given

us

a

great

deal

of h e l p

and

e n c o u r a g e m e n t w i t h this book. T h a n k you D a v i d , m a y your flights always b r i n g you joy. We would also like to thank S u e Q u i l l i a m and Ian G r o v e - S t e v e n s o n , for setting us on the right track at the b e g i n n i n g . O u r thanks t o N o r a h M c C u l l a g h for m u c h typing, t o Francis V i n e for

research,

to

Michael

Breen

for

his

help

in c o m p i l i n g

the

information o n N L P books, and t o C a r o l e M a r i e and R u t h Trevenna for suggestions and e n c o u r a g e m e n t at difficult times. M a n y thanks to Eileen C a m p b e l l a n d Elizabeth

H u t c h i n s at

T h o r s o n s , for their support and concern. Our

acknowledgements

to J o h n

Fowles

and

Anthony

Sheil

Associates Ltd for permission to quote ' T h e Prince and the M a g i c i a n ' from The Magus by J o h n Fowles, published by J o n a t h a n C a p e a n d Sons. A n d lastly we owe a debt of gratitude to the inventors of that wonderful m a c h i n e , the M a c i n t o s h computer, for m a k i n g the actual w r i t i n g of this book so m u c h easier. Joseph O'Connor John Seymour A u g u s t 1989

I N T R O D U C T I O N TO THE SECOND

EDITION

Right from the b e g i n n i n g , it was o u r intention systematically to update this book. We want to keep it aligned with N L P , which is spreading and shifting its boundaries. By its very nature it will never stay static. So it is with great pleasure that we have worked on this new edition. T h e original edition realized a dream we had, a n d the feedback has indicated that we largely m e t our outcome: the book is now established as a useful introduction and overview of the field. T h i s n e w edition continues that dream. We have m a d e a l a r g e n u m b e r of small c h a n g e s and a small n u m b e r of large ones. T h e first we h o p e will make a overall difference and add to the q u a l i t y T h e large changes are the addition of n e w material and an u p d a t e d resources section. T h e r e is a section n o w on m e t a p r o g r a m s . T h e s e patterns are c o m i n g m o r e to the fore, especially in a business context, so the book n e e d s to reflect this. We have e x p a n d e d the beliefs chapter, a n d the m o d e l l i n g section of the last chapter, and would like especially to thank M i c h a e l Neill for his contribution to these last two. T h e N L P O r g a n i z a t i o n s Worldwide section has b e e n a n obvious candidate for updating. It has b e e n revised and e x p a n d e d to bring in the m a n y new N L P Institutes that have grown up all over the world in the last two years. O u r listing is as c o m p r e h e n s i v e a n d accurate as we can make it at this time. N L P has grown so rapidly in G e r m a n y that a w h o l e book has b e e n published that is d e v o t e d to listing G e r m a n N L P Institutes and trainers. R a t h e r t h a n duplicate this work, we have referred to this book in the listing. N L P books continue to be published at a rapid rate, so this m a y be the last edition in w h i c h we will have space to make a list with brief c o m m e n t s as a guide. C h a n g i n g the m a i n text of the book has b e e n more difficult than we i m a g i n e d . N L P is like a h o l o g r a m . Every part c o n n e c t s to every other part. It is a systemic m o d e l . To the extent that this book mirrors

the systemic nature, c h a n g i n g o n e part has m e a n t others n e e d to be c h a n g e d too in s y m p a t h y as the reverberations e c h o d o w n the pages and unwind the skein (to m i x a metaphor). H o w e v e r N L P spreads, there are two ideas that stay constant. N L P e m b o d i e s the attitude of fascination with people. H o w do they do what they do? Secondly, the m o d e l l i n g skills: looking constantly for excellence in the world so you can m o d e l it and use it. Excellence is all around, s o m e t i m e s so o b v i o u s that we miss it. N L P is about always increasing the choices you have, and we understand by acting and e x p e r i m e n t i n g , not by thinking about it. We would like also to thank J a y E r d m a n n and Michael Neill for their help. Also M i c h a e l Phillips of Anchor Point Magazine for his help in c o m p i l i n g the N L P organization listing for A m e r i c a . Also Liz Puttick, o u r editor at T h o r s o n s , A n d finally all the m a n y friends w h o gave us feedback a n d suggestions for this revised edition. Please write to us with your t h o u g h t s if you are so moved. O u r address is at the e n d of the book. Joseph O'Connor John Seymour L o n d o n , J a n u a r y 1993

CHAPTER

I WHAT

IS

NEURO-LINGUISTIC

PROGRAMMING?

As I sat w o n d e r i n g h o w to begin this book, I r e m e m b e r e d m e e t i n g a friend a few days before. We had not s e e n each other for s o m e t i m e , and after the usual greetings, he asked me what I was doing. I said I was writing a book. 'Great!' he said. "What is it about?' W i t h o u t thinking, I replied, ' N e u r o - L i n g u i s t i c P r o g r a m m i n g . ' T h e r e was a short but m e a n i n g f u l silence. ' S a m e to you,' he said. ' H o w ' s the family?' In a sense my answer was both right and w r o n g . If I had w a n t e d a conversation stopper, it worked perfectly. T h i s book does deal with a way of thinking about ideas and people that goes by the label of Neuro*Linguistic P r o g r a m m i n g . However, my friend wanted to know what I was d o i n g in a way he could u n d e r s t a n d and share with me. A n d he could not relate my reply to anything he k n e w about. I knew what I m e a n t , but I did not put it in a way he c o u l d understand. My reply did not answer his real question. W h a t then is N L P ? W h a t are the ideas b e h i n d the label? T h e next time s o m e o n e asked me w h a t the book was about, I said it was about a way of studying h o w people excel in any field and teaching these patterns to others. N L P is the art and science of personal excellence. Art b e c a u s e everyone brings their u n i q u e personality and style to w h a t they do, and this can never be captured in words or techniques. Science because there is a m e t h o d and process for discovering the patterns used by o u t s t a n d i n g individuals in any field to achieve o u t s t a n d i n g results. T h i s process is called modelling, and the patterns, skills a n d techniques so discovered are b e i n g used increasingly in counselling, education and business for m o r e effective c o m m u n i c a t i o n , personal development and accelerated learning.

H a v e you ever d o n e s o m e t h i n g so elegantly a n d effectively that it took your breath away? H a v e you h a d t i m e s w h e n y o u were really delighted at w h a t you did and wondered h o w you did it? N L P shows you how to understand a n d m o d e l your o w n successes, so that you can have m a n y more of those m o m e n t s . It is a way of discovering and unfolding your personal g e n i u s , a way of bringing out the best in yourself and others. N L P is a practical skill that creates the results we truly want in the world while creating value for others in the process. It is the study of what makes the difference between the excellent and the average. It also leaves b e h i n d a trail of extremely effective techniques for e d u c a t i o n , counselling, business and therapy.

SANTA

CRUZ,

CALIFORNIA

1972

N L P started in the early seventies from the collaboration of J o h n Grinder, w h o was then an Assistant Professor of linguistics at the University of California, S a n t a C r u z , and R i c h a r d Bandier, w h o was a student of psychology at the university. R i c h a r d B a n d i e r was also very interested in psychotherapy. Together they studied three top therapists: Fritz Perls, the innovative psychotherapist a n d originator of the school of therapy known as Gestalt, V i r g i n i a Satir, the extraordinary family therapist, w h o consistently was able to resolve difficult family relationships that m a n y other therapists found intractable, and M i l t o n Erickson, the world-famous hypnotherapist. B a n d i e r a n d Grinder d i d not intend to start a n e w school of therapy, but to identify patterns used by o u t s t a n d i n g therapists, a n d pass them on to others. T h e y did not concern themselves with theories; they p r o d u c e d m o d e l s of successful therapy that worked in practice and c o u l d be taught. T h e three therapists they m o d e l l e d were very different personalities, yet they used surprisingly similar underlying patterns. Bandier a n d Grinder took these patterns, refined t h e m and built an elegant m o d e l which can be used for effective c o m m u n i c a t i o n , personal change, accelerated learning, and, of course, greater enjoyment of life. T h e y set d o w n their initial discoveries in four books, published b e t w e e n 1975 a n d 1977: The Structure of Magic I and 2 and Patterns I and 2, two books on Erickson's hypnotherapy work. N L P literature has b e e n growing at an increasing rate ever since. At that time J o h n and R i c h a r d were living very close to G r e g o r y Bateson, the British anthropologist a n d writer on c o m m u n i c a t i o n a n d

systems theory. Bateson himself had written on m a n y different topics - biology, cybernetics, anthropology and psychotherapy. He is best known for developing the d o u b l e b i n d theory of schizophrenia. H i s contribution to N L P was profound. Perhaps only n o w is it b e c o m i n g clear exactly h o w influential he was. From these initial m o d e l s , N L P developed in two c o m p l e m e n t a r y directions. Firstly, as a process to discover the patterns of excellence in any field. Secondly, as the effective ways of thinking and c o m m u n i c a t i n g used by o u t s t a n d i n g people. T h e s e patterns and skills can be used in their o w n right, and also feed back into the modelling process to make it even more powerful. In 1977 J o h n and Richard were giving very successful public seminars all over A m e r i c a . N L P grew quickly; in A m e r i c a to date, more than 100,000 people have d o n e some form o f N L P training.

SANTA

CRUZ,

1976

In the spring of 1976 J o h n a n d R i c h a r d were in a log cabin, high in the hills above S a n t a C r u z , pulling together the insights a n d discoveries that they had made. Towards the e n d of a m a r a t h o n 36 hour session, they sat d o w n with a b o t d e of Californian red wine, and asked themselves, ' W h a t on earth shall we call this?' T h e result was N e u r o - L i n g u i s t i c P r o g r a m m i n g , a c u m b e r s o m e phrase that covers three simple ideas. T h e ' N e u r o ' part of N L P acknowledges the fundamental idea that all behaviour stems from o u r neurological processes of sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch and feeling. We experience the world through our five senses; we make 'sense' of the information and t h e n act on it. O u r n e u r o l o g y covers not only o u r invisible thought processes, but also our visible physiological reactions to ideas and events. O n e simply reflects the other at the physical level. B o d y and m i n d form an inseparable unity, a h u m a n being. T h e 'Linguistic' part of the title indicates that we use l a n g u a g e to order our thoughts and behaviour a n d to c o m m u n i c a t e with others. T h e ' P r o g r a m m i n g ' refers to ways we c a n c h o o s e to organize o u r ideas and actions to p r o d u c e results. N L P deals with the structure of h u m a n subjective experience; how we organize what we see hear a n d feel, and h o w we edit a n d filter the outside world through o u r senses. It also explores

how we describe it in l a n g u a g e and h o w we act, b o t h intentionally and unintentionally, to produce results.

MAPS

AND

FILTERS

W h a t e v e r the outside world is really like, we u s e o u r senses to explore and m a p it. T h e world is an infinity of possible sense impressions a n d we are able to perceive only a very small part of it. T h a t part we can perceive is further filtered by o u r u n i q u e experiences, culture, language, beliefs, values, interests a n d a s s u m p t i o n s . Everyone lives in their u n i q u e reality built from their sense impressions a n d individual experiences of life, a n d we act on the basis of w h a t we perceive our model of the world. T h e world is so vast a n d rich that we have to simplify to give it m e a n i n g . M a p m a k i n g is a good analogy for what we do; it is how we make m e a n i n g of the world. M a p s are selective, they leave out as well as give information, and they are invaluable for exploring the territory. T h e sort of m a p you make d e p e n d s on what you notice, and where you want to go. T h e m a p is not the territory it describes. We attend to those aspects of the world that interest us and ignore others. T h e world is always richer than the ideas we have about it. T h e filters we put on our perceptions d e t e r m i n e what sort of world we live in. T h e r e is a story of Picasso being accosted by a stranger who asked him why he did not paint things as they really are. Picasso looked puzzled. 'I do not really understand what you mean,' he replied. T h e m a n produced a p h o t o g r a p h of his wife. 'Look,' he said, 'like that. T h a t ' s w h a t my wife really looks like.' Picasso looked doubtful. 'She is very small, is she not? A n d a little bit flat?' An artist, a lumberjack and a botanist taking a stroll through a w o o d will have very different experiences and notice very different things. If you go through the world looking for excellence, y o u will find excellence. If you go through the world l o o k i n g for problems you will find problems. Or as the Arabic saying puts it, ' W h a t a piece of bread looks like d e p e n d s on w h e t h e r you are h u n g r y or not.' Very narrow beliefs, interests and perceptions will make the world impoverished, predictable a n d dull. T h e very s a m e world can be rich and exciting. T h e difference lies not in the world, but in the filters through which we perceive it.

We have m a n y natural, useful a n d necessary filters. L a n g u a g e is a filter. It is a m a p of o u r thoughts and experiences, r e m o v e d a further level from t h e real world. T h i n k for a m o m e n t w h a t the word ' b e a u t y ' m e a n s to you. No d o u b t you have m e m o r i e s and experiences, internal pictures, s o u n d s and feelings that let you m a k e sense of that word. Equally, s o m e o n e else will have different m e m o r i e s and experiences and will think about that word in a different way. W h o is right? B o t h of you, each within your own reality. T h e word is not the experience it describes, yet people will fight a n d s o m e t i m e s even die b e l i e v i n g the m a p is the territory. O u r beliefs also act as filters, c a u s i n g us to act in certain ways and to notice s o m e things at the e x p e n s e of others. N L P offers o n e way of thinking about ourselves and the world; it is itself a filter. To use N L P you do not have to c h a n g e any of your beliefs or values, but simply be curious a n d prepared to experiment. All generalizations about people are lies to somebody, b e c a u s e everyone is unique. So N L P does not claim to be objectively true. It is a model, a n d m o d e l s are m e a n t to be useful. T h e r e are some basic ideas in N L P that are very useful. We invite you to behave as if they are true a n d notice the difference that makes. By c h a n g i n g y o u r filters, you can c h a n g e your world. S o m e of the N L P basic filters are often referred to as Behavioural Frames. T h e s e are ways of thinking about how y o u act. T h e first is an orientation towards outcomes rather than problems. T h i s m e a n s finding out w h a t you and others want, finding w h a t resources you have, and using these resources to move towards your goal. T h e p r o b l e m orientation is often referred to as the ' B l a m e Frame'. T h i s m e a n s analysing what is w r o n g in great detail. It m e a n s asking questions like: ' W h y do I have this problem? H o w does it limit m e ? W h o s e fault is it?' T h e s e sorts of questions do not usually lead anywhere useful. A s k i n g t h e m will leave you feeling worse than w h e n you started, and does n o t h i n g towards solving the problem. T h e s e c o n d frame is to ask How rather than Why questions. H o w questions will get you an u n d e r s t a n d i n g of the structure of a problem. W h y questions are likely to get you justifications and reasons without c h a n g i n g anything. T h e third frame is Feedback versus Failure. T h e r e is no such thing as failure, only results. T h e s e can be u s e d as feedback, helpful corrections, a splendid opportunity to learn s o m e t h i n g y o u h a d not noticed. Failure is just a way of describing a result you did not want. You c a n u s e t h e results you get to redirect your efforts. Feedback keeps

the goal in view. Failure is a d e a d e n d . Two very similar words, yet they represent two totally different ways of thinking. T h e fourth frame is to consider Possibilities rather than Necessities. A g a i n this is a shift in focus. L o o k at what y o u can do, what choices are available, rather than the constraints of a situation. Often the barriers are less formidable than they appear. Finally, N L P adopts an attitude of Curiosity and Fascination rather than m a k i n g Assumptions, T h i s is a very simple idea a n d has profound c o n s e q u e n c e s . Young children learn t r e m e n d o u s l y quickly, and they do it by being curious about everything. T h e y do not know and they know they do not know, so they are not worried about l o o k i n g stupid if they ask. After all, o n c e u p o n a t i m e , everybody 'knew' the earth went round the sun, that s o m e t h i n g heavier than air could not fly, a n d of course to run a mile in less than four m i n u t e s was physiologically impossible. C h a n g e is the only constant. A n o t h e r useful idea is that we all have, or can create, the inner resources we n e e d to achieve our goals. You are m o r e likely to succeed if you act as if this were true than if you act the opposite.

LEARNING,

UNLEARNING

AND

RELEARNING

A l t h o u g h we c a n consciously take in only a very small a m o u n t of the information the world offers us, we notice a n d respond to m u c h more without b e i n g aware, O u r conscious m i n d is very limited and s e e m s able to keep track of a m a x i m u m of seven variables or pieces of information at one time. T h i s idea was outlined in 1956 by the A m e r i c a n psychologist G e o r g e Miller in a classic paper called The Magic Number Seven, Plus or Minus Tim. T h e s e pieces of information do not have a fixed size, they can be anything from driving a car to looking in the rear-view mirror. O n e way we learn is by c o n s c i o u s l y mastering small pieces of behaviour, a n d c o m b i n i n g them into larger and larger chunks, so they b e c o m e habitual and unconscious. We form habits so we are free to notice other things. So our consciousness is limited to seven plus or m i n u s two pieces of information, either from the internal world of our thoughts, or from the external world. O u r u n c o n s c i o u s , by contrast, is all the life-giving processes of o u r body, all that we have learned, our past experiences, a n d all that we m i g h t notice, b u t do not, in the present m o m e n t . T h e u n c o n s c i o u s i s m u c h wiser t h a n the conscious m i n d . T h e idea o f b e i n g

able to u n d e r s t a n d an infinitely c o m p l e x world w i t h a conscious m i n d that can only hold about seven pieces of information at o n c e , is obviously ludicrous. T h e notion of conscious a n d u n c o n s c i o u s is central to this m o d e l of how we learn. In N L P , s o m e t h i n g is conscious w h e n it is in present m o m e n t awareness, as this sentence is right now. S o m e t h i n g is unconscious w h e n it is not in present m o m e n t awareness. T h e background noises that you can hear were probably u n c o n s c i o u s until you read this sentence. T h e m e m o r y of your first sight of snow is almost certainly out of conscious awareness. If you have ever h e l p e d a y o u n g child learn to ride a bicycle, you will be aware of just h o w unconscious that skill has b e c o m e in yourself. A n d the process of turning your last meal into hair and toenails is likely to remain forever unconscious. We live in a culture w h i c h believes that we do most of what we do consciously. Yet most of what we do, a n d what we do best, we do unconsciously. T h e traditional v i e w is that learning a skill divides into four stages. First there is u n c o n s c i o u s i n c o m p e t e n c e . N o t only do y o u not know how to do s o m e t h i n g , b u t you don't know you don't know. N e v e r having driven a car for e x a m p l e , you have no idea w h a t it is like. So you start to learn. You very s o o n discover your limitations. You have s o m e lessons and consciously attend to all the instruments, steer, co-ordinate the clutch, and watch the road. It d e m a n d s all your attention, you are not yet c o m p e t e n t , and you keep to the back streets. T h i s is the stage of conscious i n c o m p e t e n c e w h e n y o u grind the gears, oversteer and give cyclists heart attacks. A l t h o u g h this stage is uncomfortable, (especially for cyclists), it is the stage w h e n you learn the most. T h i s leads you to the stage of conscious c o m p e t e n c e . You can drive the car, but it takes all your concentration. You have learned the skill, but have not yet mastered it. Lastly, and the goal of the endeavour, is unconscious c o m p e t e n c e . All those little patterns that y o u learned so painstakingly b l e n d together into o n e smooth unit of behaviour. T h e n you can listen to the radio, enjoy the scenery and hold a conversation at the s a m e t i m e as driving. Your conscious m i n d sets the o u t c o m e a n d leaves it to your unconscious m i n d to carry it out, freeing your attention for other things. If you practise s o m e t h i n g for long e n o u g h y o u will reach this fourth stage and form habits. At this point the skill has b e c o m e u n c o n s c i o u s . However, the habits m a y not be the most effective o n e s for the task.

O u r filters m a y have c a u s e d u s t o m i s s s o m e important information en route to u n c o n s c i o u s c o m p e t e n c e . S u p p o s e you play a passable g a m e of tennis, and wish to improve. T h e c o a c h would probably watch y o u play, then start c h a n g i n g such things as your footwork, h o w you hold the racquet, and the way you bring the racquet through the air. In other words he would take what was for you o n e piece of behaviour - hitting a forehand drive - break it down i n t o s o m e of its c o m p o n e n t parts, and then rebuild it so you hit a better forehand drive. You would go backwards through the learning stages to conscious i n c o m p e t e n c e a n d you w o u l d be u n l e a r n i n g before relearning. T h e only reason to do this is to build in new choices, more efficient patterns. T h e s a m e h a p p e n s in learning NLP, We already have c o m m u n i c a t i o n and learning skills. N L P offers to refine your skills and give you more choices and m o r e flexibility about using t h e m .

The Four Stages of Learning 1. 2. 3. 4.

Unconscious Incompetence Conscious Incompetence Conscious Competence Unconscious Competence

Unlearning is 4 to 2 Releammg is 2 back to 4 with more choices

We shall be exploring different models of l e a r n i n g later in the book,

THE

THREE

MINUTE

SEMINAR

If N L P were ever to be presented in a three m i n u t e seminar, it would go s o m e t h i n g like this. T h e presenter would walk on a n d say, 'Ladies and g e n t l e m e n , to be successful in life you need only r e m e m b e r three things. 'Firstly, know w h a t you want; have a clear idea of your o u t c o m e in any situation. 'Secondly, be alert and keep your senses o p e n so that you notice what you are getting. 'Thirdly, have the flexibility to keep c h a n g i n g what you do until you get w h a t you want.'

He would t h e n write on the board:

Outcome Acuity Flexibility and leave. End of seminar. First is the skill of k n o w i n g y o u r o u t c o m e . If y o u do not know where you are going, it makes it hard to get there. An important part of N L P is training in sensory acuity: where to place y o u r attention and how to c h a n g e and enlarge y o u r filters so that you notice things that you had not noticed previously, It is present m o m e n t sensory awareness. W h e n c o m m u n i c a t i n g with others, this m e a n s n o t i c i n g the small but crucial signals that let y o u know how they are responding. W h e n thinking, that is, c o m m u n i c a t i n g with yourself, it m e a n s h e i g h t e n e d awareness of y o u r internal images, s o u n d s and feelings. You n e e d the acuity or sensitivity to notice if what you are d o i n g is getting you what you want, If what you are d o i n g is not working, do s o m e t h i n g else, anything else. You n e e d to hear, see and feel what is h a p p e n i n g and have a choice of responses, N L P a i m s t o give people more choice about what they do. H a v i n g only o n e way of d o i n g things is no choice at all. S o m e t i m e s it will work and s o m e t i m e s it won't, so there will always be situations you cannot cope with. Two choices will put you in a d i l e m m a . H a v i n g a choice m e a n s being able to use a m i n i m u m of three approaches. In any interaction, the person w h o has the most choices of what to do, the greatest flexibility of behaviour, will be in control of the situation. I f y o u a l w a y s d o w h a t y o u ' v e a l w a y s d o n e , y o u ' l l a l w a y s get w h a t y o u ' v e a l w a y s got. I f w h a t y o u are d o i n g i s n o t w o r k i n g , d o s o m e t h i n g else. T h e m o r e choices, the more c h a n c e of success. T h e way these skills work together is rather like what h a p p e n s w h e n y o u hire a rowing boat to explore a stretch of water. You decide w h e r e you want to go: y o u r initial o u t c o m e . You start r o w i n g and notice your direction: sensory acuity. You c o m p a r e this w i t h w h e r e you want to

go and if you are off course, you change direction. You repeat this cycle until you reach your destination. T h e n you set your next destination. You can c h a n g e your o u t c o m e at any point in the cycle, enjoy the j o u r n e y and learn s o m e t h i n g on the way. T h e course is likely to be a zig-zag. Very rarely is there an absolutely clear, straight path to where you want to go.

OUTCOMES 'Would you tell m e , please, w h i c h way I ought to go from here? ' T h a t d e p e n d s a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the cat.

1

'I don't m u c h care where . . .' said Alice. ' T h e n it doesn't matter w h i c h way you go,' said the cat, Alice in Wmtkrland, Lewis Carroll L e t us begin at the b e g i n n i n g with o u t c o m e s or goals. T h e more precisely and positively you can define what you want, and the more you program your brain to seek out and notice possibilities, the more likely you are to get w h a t you want. Opportunities exist w h e n they are recognized as opportunities. To live the life you want, you n e e d to k n o w what you want. B e i n g effective in the world m e a n s producing the results you choose. T h e first step is to choose. If you do not, there are plenty of people willing to choose for you. H o w do you know what you want? You m a k e it up. T h e r e are s o m e rules for d o i n g this, so that you have the best chance of success. In N L P language, y o u c h o o s e a well-formed o u t c o m e . T h a t is, an o u t c o m e that is well-formed in terms of the following criteria. First, it must be stated in the positive. It is easier to move towards what you want than away from what y o u do not want. However, you cannot m o v e towards s o m e t h i n g if you do not know what it is. As an example, think for a m o m e n t of a kangaroo. Are you thinking of a kangaroo? Good. N o w stop thinking of a kangaroo while you finish reading this page. Do not let the idea of a kangaroo c o m e into your m i n d for the next m i n u t e or so. Are you not thinking of a kangaroo? N o w think of w h a t you will be d o i n g tomorrow . , . To get rid of that persistent kangaroo, you have to think of

s o m e t h i n g else that is positive. T h i s trick makes the point that the brain c a n only understand a negative by turning it into a positive. In order to avoid s o m e t h i n g y o u have to know w h a t it is y o u are avoiding, a n d keep y o u r attention on it. You have to think of it to k n o w what not to think of, just as you have to keep an object in v i e w to avoid b u m p i n g into it. W h a t e v e r you resist, persists. T h i s is o n e reason why giving up s m o k i n g is so difficult - you continually have to think about s m o k i n g in order to give it up. Secondly, you must play an active part, the o u t c o m e must be reasonably within your control. O u t c o m e s that rely primarily on other people taking action are not well formed. If people do not respond the way you want, you are stuck. C o n c e n t r a t e instead on what you n e e d to do to elicit those responses. So for e x a m p l e , instead of waiting for s o m e o n e to make friends, think of w h a t you could do to b e c o m e friendly with them. T h i n k of your o u t c o m e as specifically as possible. W h a t will you see, hear and feel? I m a g i n e it through and describe it to yourself or write it d o w n in terms of who, what, where, w h e n , and how. T h e fuller the idea of what you want, the more your brain c a n rehearse it and notice opportunities to achieve it. In what context do you want it? Are there contexts where you do not want it? H o w will you know that you have achieved y o u r o u t c o m e ? W h a t is the sensory-based evidence that will let you know that you have what you want? W h a t will y o u see, h e a r a n d feel w h e n you have achieved it? S o m e o u t c o m e s are so o p e n e n d e d that they could take several lifetimes to achieve. You might also like to set a time limit on w h e n you wish to have it. Do you have the resources to initiate a n d m a i n t a i n the outcome? W h a t do y o u need? Do you already have it? If not, how are y o u going to get it? T h i s is an issue that n e e d s to be thoroughly explored. T h e s e resources may be internal, (specific skills, or positive states of m i n d ) , or external. If you find you n e e d external resources, you may need to set a subsidiary o u t c o m e to get t h e m . T h e o u t c o m e needs to be an appropriate size. It could be too big, in which case it n e e d s to be split into several smaller, m o r e easily achievable o u t c o m e s . For e x a m p l e , you m i g h t set an o u t c o m e to be a top tennis player. T h i s is obviously not going to happen by next week, it is t o o vague and long term. It n e e d s breaking d o w n into smaller c h u n k s , so ask yourself, ' W h a t stops me from a c h i e v i n g this?' T h i s question will highlight s o m e o b v i o u s problems. For e x a m p l e you do not have a good tennis racquet, and you n e e d c o a c h i n g from

a professional player. T h e n convert these p r o b l e m s into o u t c o m e s by asking yourself, ' W h a t do I want instead?' I n e e d to b u y a g o o d racquet and find a coach. A p r o b l e m is simply an o u t c o m e that is the w r o n g way up. You m a y have to go through this process several times with a very big o u t c o m e before arriving at a reasonably sized and achievable first step. Even the longest j o u r n e y starts with the first step (in the right direction of course). On the other h a n d the o u t c o m e m a y seem too small and trivial to motivate you. For example, I m i g h t set out to tidy the workroom, a small and not very exciting task. To bring s o m e energy to this, 1 n e e d to forge a link w i t h a larger, more important, m o r e m o t i v a t i n g o u t c o m e . So I ask myself, 'If I got this o u t c o m e , what would it do for m e ? ' In this e x a m p l e , it m i g h t be a necessary step in order to create a working space for d o i n g s o m e t h i n g else that is m u c h m o r e interesting. H a v i n g m a d e that c o n n e c t i o n , I can tackle the smalt o u t c o m e with e n e r g y drawn from the larger one. T h e final frame r o u n d choosing o u t c o m e s is ecology. No o n e exists in isolation; we are all part of larger systems, family, work, friendship networks, and society in general. You n e e d to consider the c o n s e q u e n c e s of a c h i e v i n g y o u r o u t c o m e in the context of these wider relationships. Would there be any undesirable by-products? W h a t would you have to give up, or take o n , to achieve it? For example, y o u m i g h t want more freelance work. T h i s would take up m o r e time, so you will s p e n d less time with y o u r family. A c h i e v i n g a big contract m i g h t increase your workload to such an extent that you could not do the j o b adequately. M a k e sure y o u r o u t c o m e is in h a r m o n y with you as a w h o l e person. O u t c o m e s are not about getting what you want at the e x p e n s e of others. T h e most valuable and satisfying results are achieved by n e g o t i a t i n g and c o - o p e r a t i n g to establish shared o u t c o m e s w h e r e everyone w i n s . T h i s automatically takes care of the ecology issue. T h e s e sorts of issues m a y m a k e you revise your o u t c o m e , or c h a n g e to another o u t c o m e that serves the s a m e intention without h a v i n g the undesirable by-products. T h e classic e x a m p l e of choosing an unecological o u t c o m e was K i n g M i d a s , w h o w a n t e d everything he touched to turn to gold. He soon found this was a distinct liability.

Outcomes Summary You c a n r e m e m b e r this from the m n e m o n i c ' P O S E R S ' , spelt out by the first letter of the key word for e a c h step.

Positive T h i n k of what you want rather t h a n what y o u do not want. Ask: ' W h a t would I rather have?' ' W h a t do I really w a n t ? '

Own part T h i n k of w h a t y o u will actively do that is within your control. Ask: ' W h a t will I be d o i n g to achieve my o u t c o m e ? ' ' H o w can I start and m a i n t a i n it?'

Specific I m a g i n e the o u t c o m e as specifically as you can. Ask: ' W h o , where, w h e n , what a n d how, specifically?'

Evidence T h i n k of the sensory-based e v i d e n c e that will let y o u know you have got what y o u want. Ask: ' W h a t will I see, hear a n d feel w h e n I have it?' ' H o w will I know that I have it?'

Resources Do you have a d e q u a t e resources a n d choices to get y o u r outcome? Ask: ' W h a t resources do I n e e d to get the o u t c o m e ? '

Size Is the o u t c o m e the right size? If it is too large ask, ' W h a t prevents me from getting this?' and turn the p r o b l e m s into other smaller o u t c o m e s . M a k e t h e m sufficiently clear and achievable. If it is t o o small to be motivating, ask, 'If I got this o u t c o m e w h a t w o u l d it do for m e ? ' M o v e up until y o u relate it to an o u t c o m e that is sufficiently large a n d motivating.

Ecology Frame C h e c k the c o n s e q u e n c e s in y o u r life and relationships if you got your outcome. Ask: ' W h o else does this effect?' ' W h a t would h a p p e n if 1 got it?' 'If I got it straight away, would I take it?' Be sensitive to your feelings of doubt that start 'Yes, b u t . . .' W h a t considerations do these feelings of doubt represent? H o w c a n you c h a n g e your o u t c o m e to take t h e m into account? N o w run this m o d i f i e d o u t c o m e through the ' P O S E R S ' process to check that it is still well-formed. T h e last step is, take action. You have to make the first m o v e . T h e j o u r n e y of a t h o u s a n d miles b e g i n s with o n e step. If the o u t c o m e is well-formed, it is achievable, motivating, a n d m u c h more likely to be c o m p e l l i n g .

P R E S E N T STATE

AND

DESIRED

STATE

O n e way of thinking about c h a n g e in business, personal d e v e l o p m e n t , or e d u c a t i o n , is as a journey from a present state to a desired state. A problem is the difference b e t w e e n the two. By setting an o u t c o m e in the future, you have in a sense created a problem in the present, and conversely, every problem in the present can be c h a n g e d into an o u t c o m e .

"Ybur behaviour, thoughts and feelings will be different in the present state and in the desired state. T o m o v e f r o m o n e t o t h e o t h e r y o u need resources. T h e e n e r g y for the j o u r n e y c o m e s from motivation. T h e desired state m u s t be s o m e t h i n g we really want, or clearly c o n n e c t e d to s o m e t h i n g we really want. We must also be c o m m i t t e d to the o u t c o m e ; reservations often show that ecology has not b e e n taken fully i n t o account. In short, we m u s t want to m a k e the journey, and believe the goal is achievable and worthwhile. Skills, techniques, and resourceful states of m i n d are the m e a n s to achieve the goal. T h e y may involve o u r physiology, nutrition, strength, and stamina. N L P skills are powerful resources to o v e r c o m e barriers, resistance a n d interference.

COMMUNICATION C o m m u n i c a t i o n is a multifaceted word that covers just about any

interaction w i t h others: casual conversation, persuading, teaching, and negotiating. W h a t d o e s ' c o m m u n i c a t i o n ' m e a n ? T h e word is a static n o u n , b u t really c o m m u n i c a t i o n is a cycle or loop that involves at least two people. You cannot c o m m u n i c a t e w i t h a waxwork dummy, what you do is meaningless, it gets no response. W h e n you c o m m u n i c a t e with another person, you perceive their response, and react with your own thoughts a n d feelings. Your o n g o i n g behaviour is generated by y o u r internal responses to what you see and hear. It is only by paying attention to the other person that you have any idea at all about what to say or do next. Your partner is responding to your behaviour in the s a m e way.

Enchanted Rings You c o m m u n i c a t e w i t h y o u r words, with your voice quality, a n d with y o u r body: postures, gestures, expressions. You cannot not c o m m u n i c a t e . S o m e message is conveyed even if you say n o t h i n g a n d keep still. So c o m m u n i c a t i o n involves a message that passes from o n e

person to another. H o w do you k n o w that the m e s s a g e you give is the message they receive? You have probably had the experience of m a k i n g a neutral remark to s o m e o n e , and being a m a z e d at the m e a n i n g they read into it. H o w can you be sure the m e a n i n g they get is the m e a n i n g you intend? T h e r e is an interesting exercise u s e d in N L P training courses. You choose a simple sentence, for e x a m p l e , 'It's a nice day today', and three basic e m o t i o n a l messages you want to convey with it. You might choose to say it in a happy way, a m e n a c i n g way, and a sarcastic way. You say your sentence in the three ways to another person, without telling her the three messages you w i s h to convey. She then tells y o u the e m o t i o n a l messages she actually got from your sentence. S o m e t i m e s what you intended m a t c h e s what she perceived. Often it does not. You can then explore w h a t you would have to do differently with your voice and b o d y l a n g u a g e to e n s u r e the m e s s a g e she gets is the s a m e as the message you send. C o m m u n i c a t i o n is so m u c h more t h a n the words we say. T h e s e form o n l y a small part of o u r expressiveness as h u m a n beings. Research shows that in a presentation before a g r o u p of people, 55 per cent of the impact is d e t e r m i n e d by your b o d y l a n g u a g e - posture, gestures and eye contact - 38 per cent by y o u r tone of voice, and only 7 per cent by the content of your presentation. ( M e h r a b i a n and Ferris, 'Inference of Attitudes from N o n v e r b a l C o m m u n i c a t i o n in Two C h a n n e l s ' in The Journal of Counselling Psychology Vol. 31, 1967, pp.248-52.) T h e exact figures will differ in different situations, and clearly b o d y l a n g u a g e and tonality make an e n o r m o u s difference to the impact and m e a n i n g of what we say. It's not w h a t we say, but how we say it that makes the difference. Margaret T h a t c h e r spent a great deal of time and effort altering her voice quality. Tonality and b o d y l a n g u a g e d e t e r m i n e whether the word ' H e l l o ' is a simple recognition, a threat, a put d o w n , or a delightful greeting. Actors do not really work with words, they are trained in tonality and b o d y language. Any actor n e e d s to be able to convey at least a d o z e n different shades of m e a n i n g with the word, 'no'. All of us express m a n y shades of m e a n i n g in everyday conversation and probably also have a d o z e n different ways to say 'no', only we do not c o n s c i o u s l y think about them. If the words are the content of the message, then the postures gestures, expression, and voice t o n a l i t y are the context in w h i c h the message is e m b e d d e d , and together they make the m e a n i n g of the communication.

So there is no guarantee that t h e other person u n d e r s t a n d s the m e a n i n g y o u are trying to c o m m u n i c a t e . T h e answer goes back to o u t c o m e , acuity and flexibility. You have an o u t c o m e for the c o m m u n i c a t i o n . You notice w h a t responses y o u are getting, a n d y o u keep c h a n g i n g w h a t you do or say until y o u get the response you want. To be an effective c o m m u n i c a t o r , act on the principle that: T h e m e a n i n g o f t h e c o m m u n i c a t i o n i s t h e r e s p o n s e t h a t y o u get. We constantly u s e o u r c o m m u n i c a t i o n skills to influence people; all therapy, m a n a g e m e n t a n d e d u c a t i o n involve influencing and c o m m u n i c a t i o n skills. T h e r e is a p a r a d o x that while n o - o n e would be interested in learning skills that are not effective, effective skills m a y be denigrated a n d labelled as m a n i p u l a t i o n , M a n i p u l a t i o n carries a negative c o n n o t a t i o n that y o u are s o m e h o w forcing a person to do s o m e t h i n g against their best interests. T h i s is certainly not true of N L P , w h i c h has w i s d o m , choice a n d e c o l o g y built in at a d e e p level. N L P is the ability to r e s p o n d effectively to others and to understand a n d respect their m o d e l of the world. C o m m u n i c a t i o n is a l o o p , w h a t you do influences the other person, a n d w h a t they do influences you; it cannot be otherwise. You can take responsibility for your part in the loop. You already influence others,

the only choice is whether to be conscious or unconscious of the effects you create. T h e only question is, can y o u influence with integrity? Is the influence you are h a v i n g in a l i g n m e n t w i t h your values? N L P techniques are neutral. As with cars, h o w they are used a n d what they are used for d e p e n d s on the skill and intentions of the p e r s o n in the driver's seat.

RAPPORT H o w do you get into the c o m m u n i c a t i o n loop? H o w can you respect and appreciate another person's m o d e l of the world while keeping your own integrity? In education, therapy, counselling, business, selling and training, rapport or e m p a t h y is essential to establish an atmosphere of trust, confidence and participation, within w h i c h people can respond freely W h a t do we do to gain rapport w i t h people, how do we create a relationship of trust a n d responsiveness, and how can we refine and extend this natural skill? To get a practical, rather than a theoretical answer, turn the question the other way round. H o w do you know w h e n two people are in rapport? As you look a r o u n d in restaurants, offices, a n y place where people m e e t and talk, h o w do you know w h i c h people have rapport and which do not? C o m m u n i c a t i o n s e e m s to flow w h e n two people are in rapport, their bodies as well as their words m a t c h e a c h other. W h a t we say c a n create or destroy rapport, but that is only 7 per cent of the c o m m u n i c a t i o n . B o d y l a n g u a g e and tonality are more important. You m a y have noticed that people w h o are in rapport tend to mirror a n d m a t c h each other in posture, gesture and eye contact. It is like a d a n c e , where partners respond and mirror each other's m o v e m e n t s with m o v e m e n t s of their o w n . T h e y are e n g a g e d in a dance of m u t u a l responsiveness. T h e i r b o d y l a n g u a g e is complementary. H a v e y o u ever found yourself enjoying a conversation with s o m e b o d y and noticing that b o t h your bodies have a d o p t e d the s a m e posture? T h e d e e p e r that rapport, the closer the m a t c h will tend to be. T h i s skill would seem to be inborn, for n e w b o r n babies m o v e in rhythm with the voices of the people around t h e m . W h e n people are not in rapport their bodies reflect it - whatever they are saying, their bodies will not be m a t c h i n g . T h e y are not e n g a g e d in the d a n c e and you can see it immediately. Successful people create rapport, and rapport creates trust. You c a n

create rapport with w h o e v e r y o u wish by consciously refining the natural rapport skills that you use every day. By m a t c h i n g and mirroring b o d y l a n g u a g e and tonality you c a n very quickly gain rapport with almost anyone. M a t c h i n g eye contact is an o b v i o u s rapport skill and usually the only o n e that is consciously taught in English culture, w h i c h has a strong t a b o o against noticing b o d y l a n g u a g e consciously, and responding to it. To create rapport join the other person's d a n c e by m a t c h i n g their body l a n g u a g e sensitively a n d with respect. T h i s builds a bridge between y o u and their m o d e l of the world. M a t c h i n g is not mimicry, which is noticeable, exaggerated and indiscriminate c o p y i n g of another person's m o v e m e n t s , and is usually considered offensive. You c a n match arm m o v e m e n t s by small h a n d m o v e m e n t s , b o d y m o v e m e n t s by y o u r head m o v e m e n t s . T h i s is called 'cross over mirroring.' You can m a t c h distribution of the b o d y weight, and basic posture. W h e n people are like e a c h other, they like each other. M a t c h i n g breathing is a very powerful way of gaining rapport. You m a y already have observed that w h e n two people are in d e e p rapport they breathe in u n i s o n . T h e s e are the basic e l e m e n t s of rapport. But do not believe us. Notice what h a p p e n s w h e n you mirror others. T h e n notice w h a t h a p p e n s w h e n you stop. Notice w h a t people do w h o are in rapport. Start to be conscious of what you do naturally so you can refine it a n d choose w h e n to do it. Notice especially w h a t h a p p e n s w h e n you m i s m a t c h . S o m e counsellors and therapists mirror and match unconsciously, almost compulsively. M i s m a t c h i n g is a very useful skill. T h e most elegant way to end a conversation is to disengage from the dance. A n d you cannot disengage from the dance if you have not b e e n d a n c i n g in the first place. T h e most e x t r e m e m i s m a t c h of course is to turn your back. Voice m a t c h i n g is another way that you can gain rapport. You can match tonality, speed, v o l u m e and rhythm of speech. T h i s is like j o i n i n g another person's s o n g or m u s k , you b l e n d in and h a r m o n i z e . You can use voice m a t c h i n g to gain rapport in a telephone conversation. T h e n y o u can also m i s m a t c h , c h a n g i n g the speed and tonality of your voice to e n d the conversation. T h i s is a very useful skill. To close a telephone conversation naturally is s o m e t i m e s very difficult. T h e r e are only two limits to your ability to gain rapport: the d e g r e e to which you can perceive other people's postures, gestures a n d s p e e c h patterns, and the skill with w h i c h you can m a t c h t h e m in the dance

of rapport. T h e relationship will be a h a r m o n i o u s dance between your integrity, what you can do and believe wholeheartedly, a n d h o w far y o u are w i l l i n g to build a bridge to another person's m o d e l of the world. N o t i c e how y o u feel w h e n y o u match; y o u may well feel uncomfortable m a t c h i n g s o m e people. T h e r e are certainly s o m e behaviours you will not want to m a t c h directly. You would not m a t c h a breathing pattern that was m u c h faster than was natural for y o u , nor would you match an asthmatic's breathing pattern. You could mirror both with small m o v e m e n t s of your h a n d . A person's fidgety m o v e m e n t s could be subtly mirrored by s w a y i n g your body. T h i s is s o m e t i m e s called cross matching, using s o m e a n a l o g o u s behaviour rather than directly m a t c h i n g . If you are prepared to use these skills consciously, you c a n create rapport with w h o e v e r you choose. You do not have to like the other person to create rapport, you are simply b u i l d i n g a bridge to understand them better. C r e a t i n g rapport is o n e choice, and you will not know that it is effective or w h a t results it has unless you try it. So rapport is the total context r o u n d the verbal message. If the m e a n i n g of the c o m m u n i c a t i o n is the response it elicits, g a i n i n g rapport is the ability to elicit responses.

Meaning

PACING

AND

LEADING

R a p p o r t allows you to build a bridge to the other person: you have s o m e point of u n d e r s t a n d i n g and contact. W i t h that established, you can start to c h a n g e your behaviour and they are likely to follow. You can lead t h e m in another direction. T h e best teachers are those w h o establish rapport, a n d enter into the world of the learner, and so make it easier for the learner to enter into a greater u n d e r s t a n d i n g of their subject or skill. T h e y get on well w i t h their students, a n d the good relationship makes the task easier. In N L P this is called pacing and leading. P a c i n g is establishing the

bridge, through rapport a n d respect. L e a d i n g is c h a n g i n g your behaviour so the other person follows. L e a d i n g will not work without rapport. You cannot lead s o m e o n e over a bridge without b u i l d i n g it first. W h e n I told my friend I was writing a book on N e u r o - L i n g u i s t i c P r o g r a m m i n g , I was not p a c i n g h i m , so I could not lead h i m into an explanation of what I was writing about. K e e p i n g your o w n behaviour the same, and e x p e c t i n g other people to understand and pace you is o n e choice. S o m e t i m e s it will yield good results and s o m e t i m e s it will not. By k e e p i n g your o w n behaviour constant you will get all sorts of different results and not all will be welcome. If you are prepared to c h a n g e your behaviour to suit your o u t c o m e you are b o u n d to have m o r e success. We pace all the time, to fit into different social situations, to put others at ease, and to feel at ease ourselves. We pace different cultures by respecting foreign c u s t o m s . If you want to enter a high class hotel, you wear a tie. You do not swear in front of the vicar. You go to an interview in suitable clothes if you are serious about w a n t i n g the job. P a c i n g is a general rapport skill we use w h e n discussing c o m m o n interests, friends, work or hobbies. We pace e m o t i o n s . W h e n a loved one is sad, we use a sympathetic tone and manner, not a hearty shout o f ' C h e e r up!' T h i s would probably make t h e m feel worse. You m e a n well, that is you have a positive intention, but it does not work. A better choice would be first to mirror and match posture a n d use a gentle tonality that matches h o w they feel. T h e n gradually c h a n g e a n d adjust lo a more positive and resourceful posture. If the bridge is built, the other person will follow your lead. T h e y will perceive u n c o n s c i o u s l y that you have respected their state, and be willing to follow if that is the way they want to go. T h i s sort of emotional pacing and leading is a powerful tool in c o u n s e l l i n g and therapy. W i t h an angry person, match their anger a little below their level. If you go too far, there is a danger of escalation. O n c e you have m a t c h e d , you can start to lead t h e m d o w n gradually into a c a l m e r state by toning down your o w n behaviour. A sense of urgency c a n be paced and matched by voice tonality, speaking a little louder and quicker than usual. You gain rapport by appreciating w h a t people say. You do not have to agree with it. O n e very g o o d way to do this is to eliminate the word 'but' from your vocabulary. Replace it with 'and'. 'But' can be a destructive word, it implies y o u have heard what is said . . . but . . . have s o m e objections that discount it. 'And' is innocent. It simply adds to and e x p a n d s w h a t has b e e n said already. Words have great power

in themselves. You m i g h t consider m a k i n g this change. But it c o u l d be difficult. But you will probably find it is worth it. A n d you will get m o r e rapport. People w h o share the s a m e culture will t e n d to have c o m m o n values and a c o m m o n world view. C o m m o n interests, work, friends, hobbies, likes, dislikes, and political persuasion will create s o m e rapport. We get on naturally with people that share o u r basic values and beliefs. Pacing a n d leading is a basic idea in N L P . It takes in rapport, and respect for the other person's m o d e l of the world. It a s s u m e s a positive intention, and is a powerful way of m o v i n g towards a g r e e m e n t or a shared o u t c o m e . In order to pace and lead successfully, you n e e d to pay attention to the other person and be flexible e n o u g h in your o w n behaviour to respond to w h a t you see and hear. N L P is the martial art of c o m m u n i c a t i o n : graceful, enjoyable a n d very effective.

A Light-hearted Map of NLP

CHAPTER

2 THE

DOORS

OF

PERCEPTION

If the l o o p of c o m m u n i c a t i o n has any b e g i n n i n g , it starts with our senses. As A l d o u s H u x l e y pointed out, the doors of perception are the senses, our eyes, nose, ears, m o u t h a n d skin, and these are o u r only points of contact with the world. Even these points of contact are not w h a t they s e e m . Take your eyes, for e x a m p l e , your 'windows on the world'. Well, they are not. N o t windows at any rate, nor even a camera. Have you ever w o n d e r e d why a c a m e r a can never catch the essence of the visual i m a g e that you see? T h e eye is m u c h m o r e intelligent than a camera. T h e individual receptors, the rods a n d c o n e s of the retina, r e s p o n d not to the light itself, but to c h a n g e s or differences in the light. C o n s i d e r the apparently simple task of looking at one of these words. If your eye and the paper were perfectly still, the word would disappear as s o o n as each rod h a d fired in response to the initial black or w h i t e stimulus. In order to k e e p s e n d i n g information about the shape of the letters, the eye flickers m i n u t e l y and rapidly so that the rods at the b o u n d a r y of black a n d w h i t e keep on b e i n g stimulated. In this way we c o n t i n u e to see the letter. T h e i m a g e is projected upside d o w n o n t o the retina, coded into electrical i m p u l s e s by the rods a n d c o n e s and reassembled from these by the visual cortex of the brain. T h e resulting picture is then projected 'out there', but it is created d e e p inside the brain. So we see through a c o m p l e x series of active perceptual filters. T h e s a m e is true of our other senses. T h e world we perceive is not the real world, the territory. It is a m a p m a d e by o u r neurology. W h a t we pay attention to in the m a p is further filtered t h r o u g h o u r beliefs, interests and preoccupations. We c a n learn to allow o u r senses to serve us better. T h e ability to notice more, and make finer distinctions in all the senses can

significantly enrich the quality oflife, a n d is an essential skill in m a n y work areas. A w i n e taster n e e d s a very discriminating palate; a m u s i c i a n n e e d s the ability to make fine auditory distinctions. A m a s o n or woodcarver must be sensitive to the feel of his materials to release the figure imprisoned in the stone or wood. A painter m u s t be sensitive to the nuances of colour and shape. Training of this nature is not so m u c h seeing more than others as k n o w i n g what to look for, learning to perceive the difference that makes the difference. T h e d e v e l o p m e n t of a rich awareness in e a c h of o u r physical senses is sensory acuity, a n d an explicit goal of N L P training.

REPRESENTATIONAL

SYSTEMS

C o m m u n i c a t i o n starts with our thoughts, and we use words, tonality and b o d y language to convey t h e m to the other person. A n d w h a t are thoughts? T h e r e are m a n y different scientific answers, yet everyone knows intimately what thinking is for themselves. O n e useful way of thinking about thinking is that we are using o u r senses internally. W h e n we think about what we see, hear and feel, we recreate these sights, s o u n d s and feelings inwardly. We re-experience information in the sensory form in which we first perceived it. S o m e t i m e s we are aware of d o i n g this, s o m e t i m e s not. C a n you r e m e m b e r where y o u went on your last holiday? Now, how do you r e m e m b e r it? M a y b e pictures of the place c o m e into your m i n d . Perhaps y o u say the n a m e or hear sounds. Or maybe you recall what you felt. T h i n k i n g is such an o b v i o u s , c o m m o n p l a c e activity, we never give it a s e c o n d thought. We tend to think about w h a t we think about, not how we think about it. Also we a s s u m e that other people think in the s a m e way as we do. So o n e way we think is c o n s c i o u s l y or u n c o n s c i o u s l y r e m e m b e r i n g the sights, s o u n d s , feelings, tastes and smells we have experienced. T h r o u g h the m e d i u m of l a n g u a g e we c a n even create varieties of sense experience without h a v i n g had the actual experiences. R e a d the next paragraph as slowly as y o u comfortably can. Take a m o m e n t to think about walking in a forest of pine trees. T h e trees tower above y o u , rising up on every side. You see the colours of the forest all around you a n d the sun makes leafy shadows and mosaics on the forest floor. You walk t h r o u g h a patch of sunlight that has broken through the cool ceiling of leaves above you. As you walk, you

b e c o m e aware of the stillness, broken o n l y by the birds calling a n d the crunching s o u n d of your feet as y o u tread on the debris of the forest floor. T h e r e is the occasional sharp crack as y o u s n a p a dried twig underfoot. You reach out and touch a tree trunk, feeling the roughness of the bark under your hand. As y o u gradually b e c o m e aware of a gentle breeze stroking your face, you notice the aromatic smell of pine m i n g l i n g with the more earthy smells of the forest. W a n d e r i n g on, you r e m e m b e r that supper will be ready s o o n and it is o n e of your favourite meals. You can almost taste the food in your m o u t h in anticipation . . . To make sense of that last paragraph, you went through those experiences in your m i n d , using your senses inwardly to represent the experience that was conjured up by the words. You probably created the scene sufficiently strongly to i m a g i n e the taste of food in an already imaginary situation. If you have ever walked in a pine forest, you may have r e m e m b e r e d specific experiences from that occasion. If you have not, you m a y have constructed the experience from other similar experiences, or used material from television, films, books or similar sources. Your experience was a mosaic of m e m o r i e s a n d imagination. M u c h of our thinking is typically a m i x t u r e of these r e m e m b e r e d a n d constructed sense impressions. We use the s a m e neurological pathways to represent experience inwardly as we do to experience it directly. T h e s a m e n e u r o n s generate electrochemical charges which can be m e a s u r e d by electromyographic readings. T h o u g h t has direct physical effects, m i n d a n d b o d y are o n e system. Take a m o m e n t to i m a g i n e e a t i n g your favourite fruit, T h e fruit m a y be imaginary, but the salivation is not. We use o u r senses outwardly to perceive the world, and inwardly to 're-present' experience to ourselves. In N L P the ways we take in, store and code information in o u r m i n d s - seeing, hearing, feeling, taste and smell - are known as representational systems. T h e visual system, often abbreviated t o ' V , can b e used externally (e) w h e n we are looking at the outside world ( V ) , or internally (i) w h e n we are mentally visualizing ( V ) . In the s a m e way, the auditory system ( A ) , can b e divided i n t o hearing external s o u n d s ( A ) , o r internal ( A ) . T h e feeling sense is called the kinesthetic system ( K ) , External kinesthetics ( K ) , include tactile sensations like touch, temperature and moisture. Internal kinesthetics (K. ), include r e m e m b e r e d sensations, e m o t i o n s , a n d the inner feelings of balance and bodily awareness, known as the proprioceptive sense, w h i c h provide us with feedback about our m o v e m e n t s . W i t h o u t t h e m we c o u l d not control o u r bodies in space w i t h o u r eyes closed. T h e e

1

e

1

e

1

vestibular system is an important part of the kinesthetic system. It deals with o u r sense of balance, m a i n t a i n i n g the equilibrium of o u r w h o l e b o d y in space. It is located in t h e c o m p l e x series of canals in the inner ear. We have m a n y metaphors about this s y s t e m s u c h as l o s i n g o u r balance, falling for s o m e b o d y , or b e i n g put in a spin. T h e vestibular s y s t e m is very influential a n d is often treated as a separate representational system. Visual, auditory and kinesthetic are the primary representation s y s t e m s u s e d i n Western cultures. T h e sense o f taste, gustatory ( G ) , a n d smell, olfactory ( O ) , are not so important and are often included in the kinesthetic sense. T h e y often serve as powerful a n d i m m e d i a t e links to t h e sights, s o u n d s a n d pictures associated w i t h t h e m . We u s e all three of the primary systems all the t i m e a l t h o u g h we are not equally aware of t h e m all, and we t e n d to favour s o m e over others. Tor e x a m p l e m a n y people have an inner voice that r u n s in the auditory s y s t e m c r e a t i n g an internal dialogue. T h e y rehearse a r g u m e n t s , rehear speeches, m a k e up replies and generally talk things over with themselves. T h i s is, however, o n l y o n e w a y of thinking.

Representational Systems

Representational systems are not m u t u a l l y exclusive. It is possible to visualize a scene, have the associated feelings and hear the s o u n d s simultaneously, although it m a y be difficult to pay attention to all three at the s a m e time. S o m e parts of the thought process will be unconscious. T h e m o r e a person is absorbed in their inner world of sights, s o u n d s and feelings, the less he or she will be able to pay attention to the external world. T h e r e is a story of a f a m o u s chess player in an international t o u r n a m e n t w h o was so engrossed in the position he was seeing in his m i n d ' s eye that he h a d two full dinners in o n e evening. He had completely forgotten e a t i n g the first. B e i n g 'lost in t h o u g h t ' is a very apt description. People e x p e r i e n c i n g strong inner e m o t i o n s are also less vulnerable to external p a i n . O u r behaviour is generated from a mixture of internal and sense experience. At any t i m e we will be p a y i n g attention to parts of o u r experience. W h i l e you read this book you will be on the page and probably not aware of the feeling in your . . . until I m e n t i o n e d it . . .

external different focusing left foot

As I type this, I am mostly aware of my internal dialogue pacing itself to my (very slow) rate of typing on the word processor. I will be distracted if I pay attention to outside sounds. N o t being a very good typist, I look at the keys and feel t h e m u n d e r my fingers as I type, so my visual and kinesthetic senses are b e i n g used outwardly. T h i s would c h a n g e if I stopped to visualize a s c e n e I w a n t e d to describe. T h e r e are s o m e e m e r g e n c y signals that would get my i m m e d i a t e attention: a s u d d e n pain, my n a m e b e i n g called, the smell of smoke, or, if I am hungry, the smell of food.

PREFERRED

REPRESENTATIONAL

SYSTEMS

We use all o u r senses externally all the time, a l t h o u g h we will pay attention to o n e sense more than another d e p e n d i n g on what we are doing. In an art gallery we will use mostly our eyes, in a concert, our ears. W h a t is surprising is that w h e n we think, we tend to favour o n e , perhaps two representational systems regardless of w h a t we are thinking about. We are able to use t h e m all, and by the age of 11 or 12 we already have clear preferences. M a n y people can make clear mental i m a g e s a n d think m a i n l y in pictures. O t h e r s find this v i e w p o i n t difficult. T h e y m a y talk to themselves a g o o d deal, while others b a s e their actions mostly on their

feel for a situation. W h e n a person tends to use o n e internal sense habitually, this is called their preferred or p r i m a r y system in N L P ; they are likely to be m o r e discriminating a n d able to m a k e finer distinctions in this system t h a n in the others. T h i s m e a n s s o m e people are naturally better, or 'talented' at particular tasks or skills, they have learned to b e c o m e m o r e adept at using o n e or two internal senses and these have b e c o m e s m o o t h and practised, r u n n i n g without effort or awareness. S o m e t i m e s a representational s y s t e m is not so well developed, and this makes certain skills m o r e difficult. For example, m u s i c is a difficult art without the ability to hear sounds internally. No system is better in an absolute sense than another, it d e p e n d s what you want to do. Athletes need a well developed kinesthetic awareness, and it is difficult to be a successful architect without a facility for m a k i n g clear, constructed mental pictures. O n e skill shared by o u t s t a n d i n g performers in any field is to be able to move easily through all the representational systems and use the most appropriate o n e for the task in hand. Different psychotherapies s h o w a representation system bias. T h e b o d y w o r k therapies are primarily kinesthetic; psychoanalysis is p r e d o m i n a n t l y verbal a n d auditory. Art therapy and J u n g i a n s y m b o l i s m are examples of m o r e visually-based therapies.

LANGUAGE

AND

REPRESENTATIONAL

SYSTEMS

We use l a n g u a g e to c o m m u n i c a t e o u r thoughts, so it is not surprising that the words we use reflect the way we think. J o h n G r i n d e r tells of the t i m e w h e n he and R i c h a r d B a n d i e r were leaving a h o u s e to lead a Gestalt therapy group. R i c h a r d was l a u g h i n g about s o m e o n e w h o had said, 'I see what y o u are saying,' ' T h i n k about it literally,' he said. ' W h a t could they possibly mean?' 'Well,' said J o h n , 'Let's take it literally; suppose it m e a n s that people are m a k i n g images of the m e a n i n g of the words that y o u use.' T h i s was an interesting idea. W h e n they got to the group, they tried an entirely n e w procedure on the spur of the m o m e n t . T h e y took green, yellow and red cards a n d had people go round the group and say their purpose for b e i n g there. People w h o u s e d a lot of words and phrases to do w i t h feelings, got a yellow card. People w h o used a lot of words and phrases to do with hearing and sounds got green cards.

T h o s e w h o u s e d words and phrases p r e d o m i n a n t l y t o d o w i t h seeing, got red cards. T h e n there was a very simple exercise. People with the s a m e colour card were to sit down a n d talk together for five m i n u t e s . T h e n they sat d o w n and talked to s o m e b o d y with a different colour card. T h e differences they observed in rapport b e t w e e n people were profound. People with the s a m e colour card were getting on m u c h better. Grinder and Bandier thought this was fascinating and suggestive.

PREDICATES We use words to describe our thoughts, so our choice of words will indicate w h i c h representational s y s t e m we are using. C o n s i d e r three people w h o have just read the same book. T h e first might point out that he saw a lot in it, the e x a m p l e s were well c h o s e n to illustrate the subject a n d it was written in a sparkling style. T h e s e c o n d m i g h t object to the tone of the book; it had a shrill prose style. In fact, he cannot tune in to the author's ideas at all, a n d he w o u l d like to tell h i m so. T h e third feels the book dealt with a weighty subject in a balanced way. He liked the way the author touched on all the key topics, and he grasped the n e w ideas easily. He felt in s y m p a t h y with the author. T h e y all read the s a m e book. You will notice that each person expressed themselves about the s a m e book in a different way. Regardless of what they thought about it, how they thought about it was different. O n e was thinking in pictures, the second in sounds, a n d the third infeelings. T h e s e sensory-based words, adjectives, adverbs and verbs, are called predicates in N L P literature. Habitual use of o n e kind of predicate will indicate a person's preferred representational system. It is possible to find out the preferred system of the writer of any book by paying attention to the l a n g u a g e that he or she uses. (Except for N L P books, where the writers may take a rather m o r e calculated approach to the words they use . . .) Great literature always has a rich and varied m i x of predicates, u s i n g all the representational systems equally, h e n c e its universal appeal. W o r d s such as 'comprehend', 'understand', 'think', and 'process' are not sensory-based, and so are neutral in terms of representational systems. A c a d e m i c treatises t e n d to use t h e m in preference to sensoryb a s e d words, perhaps as an u n c o n s c i o u s recognition that sensorybased words are m o r e personal to the writer a n d reader a n d so less

'objective'. However, neutral words will be translated differently by the kinesthetic, auditory or visual readers, a n d give rise to m a n y a c a d e m i c a r g u m e n t s , often over the m e a n i n g of the words. Everyone thinks they are right. You may like to b e c o m e aware over the c o m i n g weeks what sort of words you favour in n o r m a l conversation. It is also fascinating to listen to others and discover what sort of sensory-based l a n g u a g e they prefer. T h o s e of you w h o prefer to think in pictures may like to see if you can identify the colourful l a n g u a g e patterns of the people around you. If you think kin esthetic ally, you could get in touch with the way people put themselves over, and if you think in s o u n d s , we would ask you to listen carefully and tune in to how different people talk. T h e r e are important implications for g a i n i n g rapport. T h e secret of good c o m m u n i c a t i o n is not so m u c h what you say, but h o w you say it. To create rapport, match predicates with the other person. You will be speaking their language, and presenting ideas in just the way they think about them. Your ability to do this will d e p e n d on two things. Firstly your sensory acuity in noticing, hearing or picking up other peoples' l a n g u a g e patterns. A n d secondly, h a v i n g an adequate vocabulary of words in that representational s y s t e m to respond. Conversations will not all be in o n e system of course, but m a t c h i n g l a n g u a g e does wonders for rapport. You are m o r e likely to gain rapport with a person w h o thinks in the same way as you, and you discover this by listening to the words he or she uses, regardless of w h e t h e r you agree with t h e m or not. You m i g h t be on the s a m e wavelength, or you might see eye to eye. T h e n again you might get a solid understanding. It is a good idea to use a good m i x of predicates w h e n you address a g r o u p of people. L e t the visualizers see what you are saying. Let the auditory thinkers hear you loud and clear, and put yourself over so that the kinesthetic thinkers in the audience c a n grasp your m e a n i n g . O t h e r w i s e why should they listen to you? You risk two thirds of your audience not following your talk if you confine yourself to e x p l a i n i n g in o n e representational system.

LEAD

SYSTEM

Just as we have a preferred representational system for o u r conscious thinking, so we also have a preferred m e a n s of b r i n g i n g information i n t o our conscious thoughts, A c o m p l e t e m e m o r y would contain all

the sights, s o u n d s , feelings, tastes and smells of the original experience, and we prefer to go to one of these to recall it. T h i n k back again to your holiday. W h a t c a m e first . . . ? A picture, s o u n d or feeling? T h i s is the lead system, the internal sense that we use as a h a n d l e to reach back to a memory. It is how the information reaches conscious m i n d . For e x a m p l e I may r e m e m b e r my holiday and start to be conscious of the feelings of relaxation I experienced, but the way it c o m e s to m i n d initially m i g h t be as a picture. H e r e my lead system is visual a n d my preferred system is kinesthetic. T h e lead system is rather like a c o m p u t e r ' s start up p r o g r a m unobtrusive, but necessary for the c o m p u t e r to work at all. It is s o m e t i m e s called the input s y s t e m , as it supplies the material to think about consciously. M o s t people have a preferred input system, and it n e e d not be the s a m e as their p r i m a r y system. A p e r s o n m a y have a different lead system for different types of experience. For example, they m a y use pictures to get in touch with painful experiences, and s o u n d s to take t h e m back to pleasant ones. O c c a s i o n a l l y a person m a y not be able to bring o n e of the representational systems into consciousness. For e x a m p l e a person m a y say he d o e s not see any mental pictures. W h i l e this is true for h i m in his reality, it is actually impossible, or he would be u n a b l e to recognize people, or describe objects. He is simply not conscious of the pictures he is seeing internally. If this unconscious system is generating painful images, he m a y feel b a d without k n o w i n g why. T h i s is often h o w j e a l o u s y is generated.

SYNESTHESIAS,

OVERLAP

AND

TRANSLATION

H a v e you seen b u t a w h i t e lily grow? Before rude h a n d s have t o u c h e d it? H a v e y o u marked but the fall of the snow, Before the soil has smirched it? H a v e y o u felt the wool of beaver, Or swan's d o w n , ever? H a v e you smelt of the bud of the briar Or the nard in the fire, H a v e you tasted the b a g of the bee?

O so white, O so soft, O so sweet is she. B e n j o n s o n 1572-1637 T h e richness and range of our thoughts d e p e n d s on o u r ability to link a n d move from o n e way of thinking to another. So if my lead system is auditory, and my preferred system is visual, I will tend to r e m e m b e r a person through the s o u n d of their voice and then think about t h e m in pictures. From there I m i g h t get a feeling for the person. So we take information in from o n e sense, but represent it internally with another. S o u n d s can conjure up visual m e m o r i e s or abstract visual imagery. We talk of t o n e colour in m u s i c , and of w a r m s o u n d s , and also of l o u d colours. An i m m e d i a t e and u n c o n s c i o u s link across the senses is called a synesthesia. A person's lead to preferred system will usually be their strong, typical synesthesia pattern. Synesthesias form an important part of the way we think and s o m e are so pervasive and widespread that they s e e m to be wired into o u r brain at birth. For e x a m p l e , colours are usually linked to m o o d s : red for anger and blue for tranquillity. In fact both blood pressure and pulse rate increase slightly in a p r e d o m i n a n t l y red e n v i r o n m e n t , and decrease if the surroundings are mostly blue. T h e r e are studies that show that people experience b l u e rooms as colder than yellow r o o m s , even w h e n they are actually slightly warmer. M u s i c makes extensive use of synesthesias; h o w high a n o t e is set visually on the stave relates to how h i g h it s o u n d s , a n d there are a n u m b e r of c o m p o s e r s w h o associate certain musical s o u n d s with definite colours. Synesthesias h a p p e n automatically. S o m e t i m e s we want to link internal senses in a purposeful way, for e x a m p l e to gain access to a whole representation system that is out of conscious awareness. S u p p o s e a person has great difficulty visualizing. First you could ask her to go back to a happy, comfortable memory, perhaps a t i m e by the sea. Invite her to hear the s o u n d of the sea internally, and the sound of any conversation that took place. H o l d i n g this in m i n d , she might overlap to feeling the w i n d on her face, the warmth of the sun on her skin, a n d the sand b e t w e e n her toes. From here it is a short step for her to see an i m a g e of the sand beneath her feet, or see the sun in the sky. T h i s technique of overlapping can bring back a full m e m o r y : pictures, s o u n d s a n d feelings. J u s t as a translation from o n e l a n g u a g e to another preserves the m e a n i n g but totally changes the form, so experiences can be translated between internal senses. For e x a m p l e , y o u m i g h t see a very u n t i d y

room, get an uncomfortable feeling and want to do s o m e t h i n g about it. T b e sight of the s a m e r o o m m i g h t leave a friend feeling unaffected and he would be at a loss to understand w h y y o u feel so bad. He m i g h t label y o u as oversensitive b e c a u s e he cannot enter i n t o your world of experience. He might understand h o w you feel if you told him it was like h a v i n g itching powder in his b e d . Translating into s o u n d , you m i g h t c o m p a r e it to the discomfort of hearing an instrument played out of tune. T h i s analogy would strike a chord with any m u s i c i a n ; you would at last be speaking his language.

EYE

ACCESSING

CUES

It is easy to know if a person is thinking in pictures, s o u n d s or feelings. T h e r e are visible c h a n g e s in our bodies w h e n we think in different ways. T h e way we think afreets our bodies, and how we use our bodies affects the way we think. W h a t is the first thing you see as you walk through the front d o o r of your h o m e ? To answer that question you probably looked up and to your left. L o o k i n g up a n d left is how most right-handed people r e m e m b e r images. N o w , really get in touch with how it w o u l d feel to have velvet next to y o u r skin. H e r e y o u probably looked d o w n a n d to your right, w h i c h is the way the majority of people get in t o u c h with their feelings. We move o u r eyes in different directions in a systematic way d e p e n d i n g on h o w we are thinking. N e u r o l o g i c a l studies have s h o w n that eye m o v e m e n t both laterally a n d vertically s e e m s to be associated with activating different parts of the brain. T h e s e m o v e m e n t s are called lateral eye m o v e m e n t s ( L E M ) in neurological literature. In N L P they are called eye accessing cues because they are the visual cues that let us k n o w h o w people are accessing information. T h e r e is s o m e innate neurological connection between eye m o v e m e n t s and representational systems, for the s a m e patterns o c c u r worldwide (with the exception of the B a s q u e r e g i o n of Spain). W h e n we visualize s o m e t h i n g from our past experience our eyes tend to m o v e up and to our left. W h e n constructing a picture from words or trying to ' i m a g i n e ' s o m e t h i n g we have never seen, o u r eyes move up a n d to our right. T h e eyes move across to o u r left for r e m e m b e r e d s o u n d s and across to our right for constructed sounds.

W h e n accessing feelings, the eyes will typically go d o w n to o u r right. W h e n talking to ourselves, the eyes will usually go d o w n left. D e f o c u s i n g the eyes and staring straight ahead, 'looking into the distance', also shows visualization. Visualization

Constructed sounds

Remembered sounds

NB. This is as you look at another person

M o s t right-handed people have the pattern of eye m o v e m e n t s s h o w n in the diagram. T h e y may be reversed for left-handed people, w h o may look right for r e m e m b e r e d images a n d s o u n d s , and left for constructed images and sounds. Eye accessing cues are consistent for a person even if they contradict this model. For e x a m p l e , a left-handed person m a y look down to his left for feelings and d o w n to his right for internal dialogue. However, he will do this consistently and not m i x the accessing cues randomly. T h e r e are always exceptions - look carefully before a p p l y i n g these general rules to anybody. T h e a n s w e r is not the generalization, b u t the p e r s o n in front of you. A l t h o u g h it is possible to m o v e y o u r eyes consciously in any direction while thinking, accessing a particular representation system is generally m u c h easier if you are u s i n g the appropriate natural eye m o v e m e n t s . T h e y are ways of fine t u n i n g the brain to think in a particular way. If you want to r e m e m b e r s o m e t h i n g you saw yesterday, it is easiest to look up to your left or stare straight ahead. It is difficult to r e m e m b e r images while l o o k i n g down. We are not n o r m a l l y conscious of o u r lateral eye m o v e m e n t s and there is no reason why we should be, but 'looking' for information in the right place is a very useful skill. Accessing cues allow us to know how another person is thinking, and an important part of N L P training involves b e c o m i n g aware of other people's eye accessing cues. O n e way to do this is to ask different sorts of questions a n d notice the eye m o v e m e n t s , not the replies. For e x a m p l e , if I ask, 'What colour is your l o u n g e carpet?' you would have to visualize the l o u n g e to give the answer regardless of the colour. You m i g h t like to try out the following exercise with a friend. Sit d o w n in a quiet place, ask her the following questions a n d watch her eye accessing cues. M a k e a note of t h e m if y o u want to. Tell her to keep her answers brief or just n o d w h e n she has the answer. W h e n you have finished, change places and answer the questions yourself. T h i s is n o t h i n g to do with trying to catch her out to prove a point, only simple curiosity about h o w we think. Q U E S T I O N S THAT WOULD NECESSARILY INVOLVE VISUAL M E M O R I E S TO GET AN ANSWER W O U L D BE:

W h a t colour is y o u r front door? W h a t do you see on your j o u r n e y to the nearest shop? H o w do the stripes go r o u n d a tiger's body? H o w tall is the b u i l d i n g you live in? W h i c h of your friends has the longest hair?

THESE ANSWERS W O U L D INVOLVE VISUAL C O N S T R U C T I O N TO GIVE AN ANSWER:

W h a t would y o u r b e d r o o m look like w i t h pink spotted wallpaper? If a m a p is upside d o w n , which direction is southeast? I m a g i n e a purple triangle inside a red square. H o w do you spell your Christian n a m e backwards? TO ACCESS AUDITORY MEMORY YOU M I G H T ASK:

C a n you hear your favourite piece of m u s i c in your m i n d ? W h i c h d o o r slams loudest in your house? W h a t is the sound of the e n g a g e d tone on t h e telephone? Is the third n o t e in the national a n t h e m higher or lower than the second note? C a n you hear the d a w n c h o r u s in your m i n d ? Q U E S T I O N S POR AUDITORY C O N S T R U C T I O N :

H o w loud would it be if ten people s h o u t e d at once? W h a t would your voice s o u n d like underwater? T h i n k of your favourite t u n e played at d o u b l e speed. W h a t s o u n d w o u l d a p i a n o make if it fell off the top of a ten storey building? W h a t would the scream of a mandrake s o u n d like? W h a t would a chainsaw s o u n d like in a corrugated iron shed? Q U E S T I O N S TO START I N T E R N A L D I A L O G U E :

W h a t tone of voice do you use w h e n you talk to yourself? Recite a nursery rhyme silently W h e n you talk to yourself, where does the s o u n d c o m e from? W h a t do you say to yourself w h e n things go w r o n g ? Q U E S T I O N S FOR T H E K I N E S T H E T I C SENSE ( I N C L U D I N G SMELL AND TASTE):

W h a t d o e s it feel like to put on wet socks? W h a t is it like to p u t y o u r foot into a cold s w i m m i n g pool? W h a t is it like to feel wool next to the skin? W h i c h is w a r m e r now, y o u r left h a n d or your right hand? What is it like to settle d o w n in a nice hot bath? H o w do y o u fee! after a good meal? T h i n k of the smell of a m m o n i a . W h a t is it like to taste a spoonful of very salty soup?

T h e thought process is what matters, not the actual answers. It is not even necessary to get verbal replies. S o m e questions can be thought of in different ways. For e x a m p l e , to find out the n u m b e r of sides of a 50 p e n c e piece, you m i g h t visualize the c o i n a n d count the sides, or alternatively, you m i g h t count t h e m by mentally feeling round the edge. So if you ask a question that should evoke visualization, and the accessing cues are different, this is a tribute to the person's flexibility and creativity. It does not m e a n that the patterns are w r o n g necessarily, or the person is 'wrong'. If in doubt, ask, ' W h a t were you thinking then?' Eye accessing cues h a p p e n very quickly, a n d you need to be observant to see t h e m all. T h e y will show the s e q u e n c e of representational systems that a person uses to answer these questions. For e x a m p l e , in the auditory question about the loudest s l a m m i n g door, a person might visualize e a c h door, mentally feel himself s l a m m i n g it and then hear the s o u n d . He might have to do this several times before being able to give an answer. U s u a l l y a person will go to their lead system first to answer a question. S o m e o n e w h o leads visually will typically make a picture of the various situations in the auditory a n d feeling questions before h e a r i n g the sound or h a v i n g the feeling.

OTHER

ACCESSING

CUES

Eye m o v e m e n t s are not the only accessing cues, a l t h o u g h they are probably the easiest to notice. As the b o d y and m i n d are inseparable, how we think always shows s o m e w h e r e , if you know where to look. In particular, it shows in breathing patterns, skin colour, and posture. A person w h o is thinking in visual i m a g e s wUl generally speak more quickly and at a higher pitch than s o m e o n e w h o is not. I m a g e s h a p p e n fast in the brain and you have to speak fast to keep up with them. Breathing will be higher in the chest and more shallow. T h e r e is often an increase in m u s c l e tension, particularly in the shoulders, the head will be up, and the face will be paler than it is normally. People w h o are thinking in s o u n d s breathe evenly over the whole chest area. T h e r e are often small rhythmic m o v e m e n t s of the b o d y a n d the voice tonality is clear, expressive and resonant. T h e head is well balanced on the shoulders or slightly at an angle as if listening to something. People w h o are talking to themselves will often l e a n their head to

o n e side, resting it on their h a n d or fist. T h i s is k n o w n as a 'telephone position' b e c a u s e it looks as if they are speaking on an invisible telephone. S o m e people repeat w h a t they have just heard u n d e r their breath. You will be able to see their lips move. Kinesthetic accessing is characterized by d e e p b r e a t h i n g low in the s t o m a c h area, often a c c o m p a n i e d by m u s c l e relaxation. W i t h the head d o w n , the voice will have a deeper tonality, a n d the person will typically speak slowly, with long pauses. R o d i n ' s famous sculpture of ' T h e Thinker', is u n d o u b t e d l y thinking kinesthetic ally. M o v e m e n t s and gestures will also tell you h o w a person is thinking. M a n y people will point to the sense organ that they are using internally: they will point to their ears while listening to sounds inside their head, point to the eyes if visualizing, or to the a b d o m e n if they are feeling s o m e t h i n g strongly. T h e s e signs will not tell you what a person is thinking about, only how he or she is thinking it. T h i s is b o d y l a n g u a g e at a m u c h m o r e refined and subtle level than it is normally interpreted. T h e idea of representational systems is a very useful way of u n d e r s t a n d i n g h o w different people think, and reading accessing cues is an invaluable skill for anyone w h o wants to c o m m u n i c a t e better with others. For therapists a n d educators it is essential. Therapists can b e g i n to know how their clients are thinking, and discover h o w they m i g h t c h a n g e it. Educators can discover what ways of thinking work best for a particular subject a n d teach those precise skills. T h e r e have b e e n m a n y theories of psychological types b a s e d both on physiology a n d ways of thinking. N L F suggests another possibility. Habitual ways of thinking leave their mark on the body. T h e s e characteristic postures, gestures and breathing patterns will b e c o m e habitual in individuals w h o think p r e d o m i n a n t l y in o n e way. In other words, a person w h o speaks quickly in a h i g h tonality, w h o breathes fairly rapidly high in the chest, and w h o is tense in the shoulder area is likely to be s o m e o n e w h o thinks mostly in pictures. A person w h o speaks slowly, with a d e e p voice, breathing deeply as he or she d o e s so, will probably rely on their feelings to a large extent. A conversation between a person thinking visually, a n d a person thinking in feelings can be a very frustrating experience for both sides. T h e visual thinker will be t a p p i n g his foot in impatience, while the kinesthetic person literally 'can't see' why the other has to go so quickly. W h o e v e r has the ability to adapt to the other person's way of thinking will get better results. However,

do r e m e m b e r that these generalizations m u s t all be

checked against observation and experience. N L P is e m p h a t i c a l l y not another way to pigeonhole people i n t o types. To say that s o m e o n e is a visual type is no m o r e useful than saying he has red hair. If it blinds you to what he is d o i n g in the here and now, it is worse t h a n useless, and just another way of creating stereotypes. T h e r e can be a great temptation to categorize yourself and others in terms of primary representation system. To make this error is to fall into the trap that has beset psychology: invent a set of categories and then cram people into them w h e t h e r they fit or not. People are always richer than generalizations about them. N L P provides a rich e n o u g h set of m o d e l s to fit what people actually do rather than try to m a k e the people fit the stereotypes.

SUBMODALITIES So far we have talked about three m a i n ways of thinking - in s o u n d s , in pictures a n d in feelings - but this is only a first step. If you w a n t e d to describe a picture you have seen, there is a lot of detail you could add. Was it in colour or black and white? Was it a m o v i n g film strip, or still? Was it far away or near? T h e s e sorts of distinctions can be m a d e regardless of what is in the picture. Similarly you c o u l d describe a s o u n d as high or low pitched, near or far, loud or soft. A feeling could be h e a v y or light, sharp or dull, light or intense. So h a v i n g established the general way we think, the next step is to be m u c h m o r e precise within that system. M a k e yourself comfortable and think back to a pleasant memory. E x a m i n e any picture you have of it. A r e you seeing it as if t h r o u g h your o w n eyes (associated), or are you seeing it as if from s o m e w h e r e else (dissociated)? For e x a m p l e , if you see yourself in the picture, y o u m u s t be dissociated. Is it in colour? Is it a m o v i e or a slide? Is it a three d i m e n s i o n a l i m a g e or is it flat like a photograph? As you continue to look at the picture you m a y make other descriptions of it as well. N e x t pay attention to a n y s o u n d s that are associated with that memory. Are they loud or soft? N e a r or far? W h e r e do they c o m e from? Finally pay attention to any feelings or sensations that are a part of that memory. W h e r e do you feel them? A r e they hard or soft? Light or heavy? H o t or cold? T h e s e distinctions are k n o w n as submodalities in N L P literature.

If representational systems are modalities - ways of e x p e r i e n c i n g the world - then submodalities are the building blocks of the senses, how each, picture, s o u n d or feeling is c o m p o s e d . People have used N L P ideas throughout the ages. N L P did not spring into being w h e n the n a m e was invented. T h e ancient G r e e k s talked about sense experience, and Aristotle talked about submodalities in all but n a m e w h e n he referred to the qualities of the senses. H e r e is a list of the most c o m m o n s u b m o d a l i t y distinctions: VISUAL

Associated (seen t h r o u g h o w n eyes), or dissociated (looking on at self) C o l o u r or black and white Framed or u n b o u n d e d D e p t h (two or three d i m e n s i o n a l ) L o c a t i o n (e.g. to left or right, up or d o w n ) Distance of self from picture Brightness Contrast Clarity (blurred or focused) M o v e m e n t (like a film or a slide show) S p e e d (faster or slower than usual) N u m b e r (split screen or multiple images) Size AUDITORY

Stereo or m o n o Words or s o u n d s V o l u m e (loud or soft) Tone (soft or harsh) T i m b r e (fullness of s o u n d ) L o c a t i o n of sound D i s t a n c e from s o u n d source Duration C o n t i n u o u s or d i s c o n t i n u o u s S p e e d (faster or slower t h a n usual) Clarity (clear or muffled) KINESTHETIC

Location Intensity

Pressure (hard or soft) Extent (how big) Texture (rough or s m o o t h ) Weight (light or heavy) Temperature D u r a t i o n (how long it lasts) Shape T h e s e are s o m e of the most c o m m o n s u b m o d a l i t y distinctions that people make, not an exhaustive list. S o m e submodalities are discontinuous or digital; like a light switch, on or off, an experience has to be o n e or the other. An e x a m p l e would be associated or dissociated, a picture cannot be both at the s a m e time. M o s t submodalities vary continuously, as if controlled by a d i m m e r switch. T h e y form a sort of sliding scale, e.g. clarity, brightness or v o l u m e . A n a l o g u e is the word used to describe these qualities that c a n vary c o n t i n u o u s l y b e t w e e n limits. M a n y of these submodalities are enshrined in the phrases we use, and if you look to the list at the e n d of this chapter, you m a y see t h e m in a n e w light or they m a y strike you differently, for they speak v o l u m e s about the ways o u r m i n d s work. S u b m o d a l i t i e s can be thought of as the most fundamental operating c o d e of the h u m a n brain. It is simply not possible to think any thought or recall any experience without it h a v i n g a s u b m o d a l i t y structure. It is easy to be unaware of the s u b m o d a l i t y structure of experience until you put your conscious attention on it. T h e most interesting aspect of submodalities is w h a t happens w h e n you c h a n g e t h e m . S o m e m a y be c h a n g e d with i m p u n i t y a n d make no difference. O t h e r s m a y be crucial to a particular memory, and c h a n g i n g t h e m changes the whole way we feel about the experience. Typically the impact and m e a n i n g of a m e m o r y or t h o u g h t is m o r e a function of a few critical submodalities than it is of the content. O n c e an event has h a p p e n e d , it is finished and we can never go back a n d change it. After that, we are not r e s p o n d i n g to the event any more, but to o u r m e m o r y of the event, w h i c h can be changed. Try this experiment. Go back to your pleasant experience. M a k e sure you are associated in the picture, seeing it as t h r o u g h your own eyes. Experience what this is like. N e x t dissociate. Step outside it and v i e w the person w h o looks and s o u n d s very like you. T h i s will almost certainly c h a n g e how you feel about the experience. Dissociating from a m e m o r y robs it of its emotional force. A pleasant m e m o r y will lose

its pleasure, an unpleasant o n e , its pain. W h e n d e a l i n g with t r a u m a , it is important to dissociate from the e m o t i o n a l pain first, otherwise the w h o l e episode m a y be completely blocked out of consciousness and be difficult if not impossible to think about. D i s s o c i a t i n g first puts the feelings at a safe distance so they can be dealt with. T h i s is the basis of the p h o b i a cure set out in C h a p t e r 8. T h e next time your brain conjures up a painful scene, dissociate from it. To enjoy pleasant m e m o r i e s to the full, m a k e sure you are associated. You can change the way you think. T h i s is o n e essential piece of information for the unwritten Brain U s e r s M a n u a l . Try this experiment in c h a n g i n g h o w you think and discover which submodalities are most critical for you. T h i n k back to a specific situation of e m o t i o n a l significance that you can r e m e m b e r well. First b e c o m e aware of the visual part of the memory. I m a g i n e yourself t u r n i n g the brightness control up and down, just as you would on a T V . Notice w h a t difference it makes to your experience w h e n you do this. W h a t brightness do you prefer? Finally put it back how it was originally. N e x t bring the image closer, then push it far away. W h a t difference does this m a k e and w h i c h do you prefer? Put it back h o w it was. Now, if it has colour, make it black a n d white. If it was black and white give it colour. W h a t is the difference and w h i c h is better? Put it back, N e x t , does it have m o v e m e n t ? If so, slow it right d o w n until it is at a standstill. T h e n try s p e e d i n g it up. Notice your preference and put it back. Finally try c h a n g i n g from associated to dissociated and back. S o m e or all of these changes will have a profound impact on how you feel about that memory. You may like to leave the m e m o r y with the submodalities at the values you like best. You may not like the default values y o u r brain has given you. Do you r e m e m b e r c h o o s i n g them? Now, carry on your experiment with the other visual submodalities and observe w h a t h a p p e n s . Do the same for the auditory and kinesthetic parts of the memory. For most people an experience will be most intense a n d m e m o r a b l e if it is big, bright, colourful, close and associated. If this is so for you, then make sure you store y o u r good m e m o r i e s like this. By contrast, make y o u r unpleasant m e m o r i e s small, dark, black and white, far away and dissociate from t h e m . In both cases the content of the m e m o r y stays the s a m e , it is h o w we r e m e m b e r it that has changed.

Bad things h a p p e n a n d have c o n s e q u e n c e s that we have to live with, but they n e e d not h a u n t us. T h e i r power to m a k e us feel b a d in t h e here and now is derived from the way we think about t h e m . T h e crucial distinction to make is b e t w e e n the actual event at the time, and the m e a n i n g and power we give it by the way we r e m e m b e r it. Perhaps you have an internal voice that nags you. S l o w it d o w n . N o w speed it u p . E x p e r i m e n t with c h a n g i n g the tone. W h i c h side does it c o m e from? W h a t h a p p e n s w h e n you c h a n g e it to the other side? W h a t h a p p e n s if you make it louder? Or softer? Talking to yourself can be m a d e a real pleasure. T h e voice m a y not even be your own. If it is not, ask it what is it d o i n g inside your head. C h a n g i n g submodalities is a m a t t e r of personal experience, difficult to convey in words. T h e o r y is arguable, experience is convincing. You can be the director of your o w n mental film show a n d decide h o w you want to think, rather than be at t h e mercy of the representations that s e e m to arise of their o w n accord. Like television in s u m m e r , the brain shows a lot of repeats, m a n y of w h i c h are old, a n d not very good films. You do not have to watch t h e m . E m o t i o n s c o m e from s o m e w h e r e , although their cause m a y be out of e o o s d o u s awareness. Also, e m o t i o n s themselves art' a kinesthetic representation a n d h a v e weight, location and intensity; they have submodalities which c a n be c h a n g e d . Feelings are not entirely involuntary and you can go a long way towards c h o o s i n g the feelings you want. E m o t i o n s make excellent servants, b u t tyrannical masters. Representational systems, a c c e s s i n g cues a n d submodalities are s o m e of the essential b u i l d i n g b l o c k s of the structure of our subjective experience. It is no wonder that p e o p l e make different maps of the world. T h e y will have different l e a d and preferred representational systems, different synesthesias, a n d c o d e their m e m o r i e s with different submodalities. W h e n finally we u s e l a n g u a g e to c o m m u n i c a t e , it is a w o n d e r we understand each o t h e r as well as we do.

Examples of Sensory-Based Words and Phrases VISUAL

Look, picture, focus, i m a g i n a t i o n , insight, scene, blank, visualize, perspective, shine, reflect, clarify, e x a m i n e , eye, focus, foresee, illusion, illustrate, notice, outlook, reveal, preview, see, show, survey, vision, watch, reveal, hazy, dark. AUDITORY

Say, accent, rhythm, loud, tone, resonate, s o u n d , m o n o t o n o u s , deaf, ring, ask, accent, audible, clear, discuss, proclaim, remark, listen, ring, shout, speechless, vocal, tell, silence, dissonant, h a r m o n i o u s , shrill, quiet, d u m b . KINESTHETIC

Touch, handle, contact, push, rub, solid, warm, cold, rough, tackle, push, pressure, sensitive, stress, tangible, tension, touch, concrete, gentle, grasp, hold, scrape, solid, suffer, heavy, smooth, NEUTRAL

D e c i d e , think, remember, know, meditate, recognize, attend, understand, evaluate, process, decide, learn, motivate, change, conscious, consider. OLFACTORY

Scented, stale, fishy, nosy, fragrant, smoky, fresh. GUSTATORY

Sour, flavour, bitter, taste, salty, juicy, sweet. VISUAL PHRASES

I see what you m e a n . I am looking closely at the idea. We see eye to eye. I have a hazy notion. He has a blind spot. S h o w m e what y o u m e a n . You'll took back on this and laugh. T h i s will shed s o m e light on the matter. It colours his view of life. It appears to me.

Beyond a shadow of doubt. Taking a d i m view. T h e future looks bright. T h e solution flashed before his eyes. M i n d ' s eye. Sight for sore eyes. AUDITORY

PHRASES

On the same wavelength. Living in harmony. T h a t ' s all Greek to me. A lot of m u m b o j u m b o . Turn a d e a f ear. R i n g s a bell. C a l l i n g the tune. M u s i c to my ears. Word for word. Unheard-of. Clearly expressed. Give an audience. H o l d your tongue. In a m a n n e r of speaking. Loud and clear. K I N E S T H E T I C PHRASES

1 will get in touch with you. I can grasp that idea. H o l d on a second. I feel it in my bones. A warm-hearted m a n . A cool customer. T h i c k skinned.

Scratch the surface. I can't put my finger on it. G o i n g to pieces. Control youself. Firm foundation. Heated argument. N o t following the discussion. S m o o t h operator.

+8

Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming

OLFACTORY A N D GUSTATORY PHRASES

Smell a rat. A fishy situation. A bitter pill. Fresh as a daisy. A taste for the g o o d life. A sweet person. A n acid c o m m e n t .

CHAPTER

3 P H Y S I O L O G I C A L STATES EMOTIONAL FREEDOM

AND

W h e n people are e m o t i o n a l l y and physically at a low ebb, we often say that they are in 'an awful state'. In the same way, we recognize that to make the most of a challenge, we m u s t be 'in the right state of mind'. W h a t is a state of m i n d ? Q u i t e simply it is all the thoughts, e m o t i o n s , and physiology that we express at that m o m e n t ; the mental pictures, s o u n d s , feelings, a n d all the patterns of physical posture and breathing. M i n d a n d b o d y are c o m p l e t e l y interconnected, so o u r thoughts immediately influence our physiology, and vice versa. O u r state of m i n d changes continually, and this is o n e of the few things about it we can rely o n . W h e n you c h a n g e state, the w h o l e world out there changes too. ( O r s e e m s to.) We are usually more conscious of o u r e m o t i o n a l state t h a n of o u r physiology, posture, gesture and breathing patterns. In fact, e m o t i o n s are often considered to be b e y o n d conscious control, they are the visible tip of the iceberg. We do not see the whole physiology and thought process that lies u n d e r n e a t h and supports the e m o t i o n s . T h e s e are the s u b m e r g e d n i n e tenths of the iceberg. To try to influence the e m o t i o n s without c h a n g i n g state is as futile as trying to make the iceberg disappear by sawing the top off it. M o r e will simply surface, unless you spend an inordinate a m o u n t of energy h o l d i n g it underwater, and this is w h a t we often do, with drugs or willpower. For us, the m i n d leads, a n d the body follows obediently. T h u s habitual e m o t i o n s can be stamped o n t o a person's face a n d posture, because the person does not notice h o w the e m o t i o n s m o u l d his or her physiology. Try this experiment. Take a m o m e n t to think of s o m e enjoyable experience, a t i m e w h e n you felt really good. W h e n you have thought of o n e , think yourself back into that experience. S p e n d a m i n u t e or

two re-experiencing it as fully as you can. As you enjoy these pleasant feelings, look a r o u n d you, notice w h a t you see and what sounds you are hearing as you re-live this m e m o r y N o t i c e how y o u feel. W h e n you are ready, return to the present. Notice the impact this has on your present state, especially your posture and your breathing. Past experiences are not gone forever; they can help you feel good in the present. A l t h o u g h the sights and the s o u n d s of the past are gone, w h e n we mentally recreate t h e m the actual feeling is still as real and as tangible as it was then. So regardless of what you were feeling before you read this paragraph, you have just put yourself in a m o r e resourceful state. Now, by contrast, think back to a slightly uncomfortable past experience. W h e n one c o m e s to m i n d , i m a g i n e yourself back in it again. Back in that situation, what do you see? W h a t are you hearing? Notice how you feel. Do not stay with this experience for very long, return to the present a n d notice the effect this has had on you. B e c o m e aware of how you feel after this experience c o m p a r e d w i t h how you felt after the previous one. Notice too, your different posture and breathing pattern. N o w change your e m o t i o n a l state. Do s o m e kind of physical activity, move your b o d y and switch your attention from the m e m o r y to s o m e t h i n g completely different. L o o k o u t o f the window, j u m p u p and d o w n , run to the other side of the room and touch the wall, or bend d o w n a n d t o u c h your toes. Pay attention to the physical sensations of m o v i n g and to what you sense in the here and now. T h i s is k n o w n as c h a n g i n g state or breaking state in N L P terms, a n d is worth d o i n g w h e n e v e r you notice yourself feeling negative or unresourceful. W h e n e v e r you r e m e m b e r unpleasant m e m o r i e s a n d access unresourceful states, your entire b o d y takes up these negative states and holds t h e m as patterns of m u s c l e tone, posture, and breathing. T h e s e physically stored m e m o r i e s can contaminate your future experiences for m i n u t e s or hours. We all know what it is like to 'get out of b e d on the w r o n g side*. People w h o suffer depression have unconsciously m a s t e r e d the ability to m a i n t a i n an unresourceful state for l o n g periods. O t h e r s have mastered the ability to c h a n g e their emotional state at will, creating for themselves an e m o t i o n a l freedom that transforms the quality of their lives. T h e y fully experience the emotional ups a n d d o w n s of life, but they learn, move o n , and do not dwell on e m o t i o n a l pain unnecessarily

As we go through life we continually m o v e through different emotional states, s o m e t i m e s quickly, s o m e t i m e s more gradually For e x a m p l e , you m a y be feeling quite low and a friend telephones with s o m e g o o d news. Your spirits lighten. Or m a y b e it is a bright s u n n y day and you o p e n y o u r mail to find an u n e x p e c t e d l y large bill. M e n t a l clouds can cover a real sun. We can influence our states, rather than simply react to w h a t h a p p e n s on the outside. In the last few m i n u t e s , you have felt good, then uncomfortable, then , . . however you feel now. A n d n o t h i n g has actually happened in the outside world. You have done this all yourself.

ELICITATION Elicitation is the word used in N L P to describe the process of g u i d i n g s o m e o n e into a particular state. T h i s is an everyday skill under a different label, for we are all greatly practised in putting people into different m o o d s , or bringing t h e m out of m o o d s . We do it all the t i m e by our words, tonality and gestures. S o m e t i m e s , however, we do not elicit w h a t we want. H o w m a n y times have you heard a phrase like, ' W h a t ' s the matter with h i m , all I said was . . .' T h e simplest way to elicit an e m o t i o n a l state is to ask the person to r e m e m b e r a past time w h e n he was e x p e r i e n c i n g that e m o t i o n . T h e more expressive you are, the more expressiveness you will elicit. If your voice tone, words, facial expression and b o d y posture m a t c h the response you are asking for, you are m o r e likely to get it. All your efforts get results. If you are trying to put s o m e o n e in a calm resourceful state, it is useless talking in a loud, fast tone of voice, breathing quickly and shall owl y, and m a k i n g lots of fidgety m o v e m e n t s . Despite your soothing words, the other person will b e c o m e m o r e anxious. You need to do what you say. So if you want to lead s o m e o n e into a confident state, you ask h i m to r e m e m b e r a particular time w h e n he was confident. You speak clearly, in a confident t o n e of voice, breathe evenly, with your h e a d up, a n d y o u r posture erect. You act 'confident'. If y o u r words are not congruent with your b o d y l a n g u a g e and voice tone, he will tend to follow the n o n verbal message. It is important t o o that the person r e m e m b e r s the experience as if inside it, not watching dissociated from the outside. B e i n g associated in the situation will bring back the feelings more fully. I m a g i n e

watching s o m e o n e else eating your favourite fruit. N o w i m a g i n e yourself eating the fruit. W h i c h is the more tasteful experience? To elicit your o w n states, put yourself back in the experience as fully and as vividly as possible.

CALIBRATION Calibration is the N L P word that m e a n s r e c o g n i z i n g w h e n people are in different states. T h i s is a skill that we all have and u s e in our everyday lives, and one that is well worth d e v e l o p i n g and refining. You distinguish the subtly different expressions as others experience different m e m o r i e s , a n d different states. For example, w h e n s o m e o n e r e m e m b e r s a frightening experience his lips m a y b e c o m e thinner, his skin paler and his breathing m o r e shallow. W h e r e a s w h e n he is r e m e m b e r i n g a pleasurable experience, his lips are more likely to be fuller, the skin colour more flushed a n d breathing deeper, with softening of the facial muscles. Often o u r calibration is so p o o r that we only notice s o m e o n e is upset w h e n he starts to cry. We rely t o o m u c h on people telling us verbally h o w they feel, instead of u s i n g o u r eyes and ears. We do not want to calibrate from a p u n c h on the nose to know that a person is angry, n o r do we want to hallucinate all sorts of possibUities from a twitch of an eyebrow. T h e r e is an exercise in N L P training that you m a y like to try with a friend. Ask y o u r friend to think of a person he likes very m u c h . As he does this, notice his eye position, a n d angle of his head. A l s o notice his breathing, is it d e e p or shallow, fast or slow, h i g h or low? N o t i c e too the differences in facial m u s c l e tone, skin colour, lip size, and tone of voice. Pay attention to these subtle signs that are normally disregarded. T h e y are the outward expression of inner thoughts. T h e y are those thoughts in the physical d i m e n s i o n . N o w ask your friend to think of s o m e o n e he dislikes. Notice the difference in these signs. Ask your friend to think of one, then the other, until y o u are sure y o u can detect s o m e differences in his physiology. In N L P terms, you have now calibrated these two states of mind. You know what they look like. Ask y o u r friend to think of one of the people, but without telling you w h i c h one. You will know which one it is by reading the physical cues y o u have already identified. It s e e m s as if you are m i n d reading , . .

So we can refine our skills. M o s t l y we calibrate unconsciously. For example if you ask a loved o n e w h e t h e r he or she w o u l d like to go o u t for a meal, y o u will know intuitively, immediately, before they o p e n their m o u t h what the answer will be. T h e 'yes' or 'no' is the very last step in the thought process. We c a n n o t help b u t r e s p o n d with body, m i n d a n d l a n g u a g e so deeply are the three connected. You m a y have had the e x p e r i e n c e of talking to s o m e o n e a n d getting an intuition that he or she was l y i n g . You h a d probably calibrated this unconsciously, and y o u got t h e feeling without k n o w i n g why. T h e more you practise calibration, t h e better you will b e c o m e . S o m e differences b e t w e e n states will be slight, s o m e will be unmistakable. A s y o u practise, subtle c h a n g e s will b e c o m e easier t o detect. T h e changes, no matter h o w small, w e r e always there. As your senses b e c o m e sharper, y o u will detect t h e m .

ANCHORS E m o t i o n a l states have a powerful a n d pervasive influence on t h i n k i n g and behaviour. After eliciting and calibrating these states, h o w c a n we use t h e m to b e c o m e m o r e resourceful in the present? We n e e d s o m e way of m a k i n g t h e m consistently available a n d stabilizing t h e m in t h e here and now. I m a g i n e the impact on y o u r life if you could switch on your h i g h performance states at will. Top performers in politics, sports, the arts, and business m u s t b e able t o b e resourceful i n t h e m o m e n t . T h e actor m u s t be able to c o m m i t himself to the role w h e n t h e curtain goes up, not an h o u r before, or half way t h r o u g h the s e c o n d act. T h i s is the bottom line of professionalism. It is just as important to be able to switch off. T h e actor m u s t be able to drop his role w h e n the curtain falls. M a n y people in business b e c o m e h i g h l y motivated, achieve great things, yet b u r n themselves out a n d b e c o m e unhappy, lose their family life, or in e x t r e m e cases, suffer a coronary. M a n a g i n g o u r states n e e d s balance and w i s d o m . We e a c h have a personal history that is rich in different emotional states. To re-experience t h e m , we n e e d a trigger, s o m e association in the present to elicit the original experience. O u r m i n d s naturally link experiences, it is the way we give m e a n i n g to what we do. S o m e t i m e s these associations are very enjoyable; for e x a m p l e , a favourite piece of m u s i c that brings back a pleasant memory. Every time y o u h e a r that particular tune, it evokes those pleasant feelings. A n d every t i m e

it d o e s that, it strengthens the association. A stimulus which is linked to and triggers a physiological state is called an anchor in N L P . O t h e r examples of naturally occurring positive anchors would be favourite p h o t o g r a p h s , evocative smells, or a loved o n e ' s special expression or voice tone. A n c h o r s are usually external. An alarm clock rings a n d it is time to get up. T h e school bell signals the e n d of playtime. T h e s e are auditory anchors. A red traffic light m e a n s stop. A nod of the h e a d m e a n s yes. T h e s e are visual anchors. A n d the smell of newly laid tar might take y o u back as if by m a g i c to a childhood scene w h e r e you first smelt it. Advertisers try to make their brand n a m e an anchor for a particular commodity. An anchor is anything that accesses an emotional state, and they are so o b v i o u s and widespread that we hardly notice them. H o w are anchors created? In o n e of two ways. First by repetition. If you see repeated instances of red being associated with danger, it will b e c o m e anchored. T h i s is simple learning: red m e a n s danger. Secondly, and m u c h m o r e important, anchors can be set in a single instance if the e m o t i o n is strong and the t i m i n g is right. Repetition is only n e e d e d if there is no e m o t i o n a l involvement. T h i n k back to w h e n you were at school (that's a powerful a n c h o r in itself), and found that s o m e t h i n g interesting a n d exciting was easy to learn. Facts that d i d not interest y o u n e e d e d a lot of repetition. T h e less emotionally involved you are, the m o r e repetitions are n e e d e d to learn the association. M o s t associations are very useful. T h e y form habits and we could not function without them. If you are a driver you already have an association b e t w e e n a green light turning to red and m o v i n g your feet in a certain way on the pedals. T h i s is not an operation you want to have to think about consciously every time, and if you do not make that association, you are not likely to survive for very l o n g on the roads. O t h e r associations, while useful, m a y be less pleasant. T h e sight of a police car in your rear-view driving mirror is quite likely to start you w o n d e r i n g about the state of your car, and what speed you are travelling at. O t h e r associations are not useful. M a n y people associate speaking in public with anxiety and mild p a n i c attacks. T h e thought of an e x a m i n a t i o n makes m a n y p e o p l e feel nervous and uncertain. Words can act as anchors. T h e word 'test' is an a n c h o r for m o s t schoolchildren to feel a n x i o u s a n d not able to give of their best. In extreme cases an external stimulus c a n trigger a very powerful

negative state. T h i s is the realm of p h o b i a s . For e x a m p l e , people w h o suffer from claustrophobia have learnt a very powerful association between being in a confined space a n d feeling panic, and they always make that association. M a n y people's lives are past history that have not help m a k i n g associations. m a k i n g , enjoyable, useful

unnecessarily limited by fears from their yet b e e n re-evaluated. O u r m i n d s cannot Are t h e o n e s you have m a d e and are and e m p o w e r i n g ?

We can choose the associations we want to make. You c a n take whatever experiences in life y o u find most difficult or m o s t challenging, a n d decide in advance what physiological state you would like to be in to m e e t them. For any situation you are unhappy about, you can create a n e w association and therefore a n e w response by using anchors. T h i s is d o n e in two stages. First, y o u choose the e m o t i o n a l state you want, then you associate it with a s t i m u l u s or anchor so that you can bring it to m i n d w h e n e v e r you w a n t it. S p o r t s m e n use lucky mascots to harness their skill and stamina. You will often see sportsmen going t h r o u g h small ritual m o v e m e n t s that serve the same purpose. U s i n g your resourceful states t h r o u g h anchors is o n e of the most effective ways to c h a n g e your o w n a n d other people's behaviour. If y o u go into a situation in a more resourceful state than you did in the past, your behaviour is b o u n d to c h a n g e for the better. Resourceful states are the key to peak performance. W h e n you change what you do, other people's behaviour will also c h a n g e . Your w h o l e experience of the situation will be different. Cautionary note. T h e c h a n g e t e c h n i q u e s in this chapter and throughout this book are very powerful, and this power c o m e s mainly from the skill of the person w h o uses them, A carpenter can make superb furniture with precision tools, the s a m e tools in the hands of an apprentice will not get the s a m e results. Similarly it takes practice and work to get the best s o u n d from a fine musical instrument. In the course of training m a n y people in these skills, we have s e e n the pitfalls in a p p l y i n g these t e c h n i q u e s for the first time. We strongly r e c o m m e n d that you practise these techniques in a safe context, like an N L P training seminar, until you are confident, a n d y o u r skill levels are high e n o u g h .

N e x t , the auditory anchor. T h i s c a n be a word or phrase that y o u say to yourself internally. It does n o t m a t t e r w h i c h word or phrase y o u use as long as it is in tune with the feeling. T h e way you say it, the particular voice tone you use, will have as m u c h impact as the word or phrase itself. M a k e it distinctive a n d m e m o r a b l e . For e x a m p l e , if 'confidence' is the resource state that you w a n t to anchor, then y o u m i g h t say to yourself, 'I am feeling more a n d m o r e confident,' or simply, 'Confidence!' U s e a confident voice tone. M a k e sure the resource really is appropriate to the p r o b l e m situation. N o w the visual anchor. You m i g h t c h o o s e a symbol, or y o u c a n r e m e m b e r w h a t you were s e e i n g w h e n y o u did feel confident. A s l o n g as the i m a g e you choose is distinctive, and helps to evoke the feeling, t h e n it will work. W h e n y o u have c h o s e n an a n c h o r in each representation system, the next step is to relive those feelings of confidence by vividly recreating t h e resource situation. Step forward or c h a n g e chairs as y o u associate fully i n t o the experience. P u t t i n g different e m o t i o n a l states in actual different physical locations h e l p s to separate t h e m cleanly. In your i m a g i n a t i o n , go back n o w to the specific resource state y o u have c h o s e n . . . R e m e m b e r where you were a n d w h a t you were d o i n g . . . As that b e c o m e s clearer, i m a g i n e that you are right back in it n o w and that you are seeing what y o u were s e e i n g . . . You c a n b e g i n to hear whatever s o u n d s you were hearing and start to re-experience those feelings that were so strong a part of that experience . . . Take s o m e time and enjoy r e l i v i n g that experience as fully as possible . . . To really get back in t o u c h w i t h y o u r full b o d y sense of y o u r resource state it often helps to act out your activities in that m o m e n t again. You m a y w a n t t o p u t y o u r b o d y into that s a m e position, d o i n g the s a m e things that you were d o i n g (only if appropriate) . . . W h e n those feelings have c o m e to a peak and start to diminish, physically move back to y o u r u n i n v o l v e d position. You have now found out h o w best to recreate your resourceful state and h o w long it takes to do so. N o w you are ready to anchor t h e resources. Step i n t o your for t h e resource state and re-experience it again. As it reaches its see your i m a g e , make your gesture and say your words. You connect your anchors to the resource state as it is c o m i n g to its

place peak, must peak.

T h e t i m i n g is critical. If you connect t h e m after the peak, you would anchor going out of the state, which is not what you want. T h e s e q u e n c e of anchors is not critical, use the order that works best for you, or fire them simultaneously. S o m e t i m e after your resourceful feelings have peaked, you will need to step out and c h a n g e state before y o u are ready to test the anchor. U s e all three anchors in the same way and the s a m e s e q u e n c e and notice the extent to which you do indeed access your resourceful state. If you are not satisfied, go back and repeat the anchoring process to strengthen the association b e t w e e n your anchors and your resourceful state. You may n e e d to repeat this a few times and this is worth it to be able to have that state w h e n you n e e d it. Lastly, think of a future situation where you are likely to want that resourceful state. W h a t can you use as a signal to let you know you n e e d that resource? Find the first thing that you see, hear or feel that lets you know that you are in that situation. T h e signal can be external or internal. For example, a particular expression on s o m e b o d y ' s face or their voice tone, would be an external signal. Starting an internal dialogue would be an internal signal. B e i n g aware that you have a choice about how y o u feel is a resource state in itself, ft will also interrupt the habitual, anchored response. It is worth anchoring this awareness to the signal. T h e signal then acts as a r e m i n d e r that you can choose y o u r feelings. After a time, if you keep using the anchor, the signal itself will b e c o m e an anchor for you to feel resourceful. T h e trigger that u s e d to m a k e you feel bad, now b e c o m e s one that makes you feel strong and resourceful. H e r e is a s u m m a r y of the basic steps of the process. Anchors need to be: T i m e d just as the state is reaching its peak U n i q u e and distinctive Easy to repeat e x a c d y Linked to a state that is cleanly and completely re-experienced. Anchoring Resourceful States Summary 1. Identify the situation where you want to be more resourceful. 2. Identify the particular resource y o u want, e.g. confidence. 3. C h e c k the resource really is appropriate by asking, 'If I could have this resource here, w o u l d I really take it?' If yes, proceed. If no, go back to 2. 4. Find an occasion in y o u r life w h e n you h a d that resource.

5. Select the anchors you are g o i n g to use in e a c h of the three m a i n representation systems; s o m e t h i n g you see, hear, and feel. 6. Step into another location a n d in your i m a g i n a t i o n put yourself fully back into the experience of that resourceful state. Reexperience it again. W h e n it h a s peaked, c h a n g e state a n d step out of it. 7. Re-experience your resource state and as it c o m e s up to peak, connect the three anchors. Mold the state for as long as you want, then change state. 8. Test the association by firing the anchors and confirming that y o u do i n d e e d go into the state. If you are not satisfied, repeat step 7. 9. Identify the signal that lets you know you are in a p r o b l e m situation where y o u want to use your resource. T h i s signal will r e m i n d you to use your anchor. You c a n now use these anchors to s u m m o n your resource state w h e n e v e r you wish. R e m e m b e r to e x p e r i m e n t with this or any other N L P technique to find the way that works best for you. K e e p your o u t c o m e in m i n d , (feeling more resourceful), and play with the t e c h n i q u e until you succeed. S o m e people find that s i m p l y m a k i n g their gesture ('firing' their kinesthetic anchor) is e n o u g h to produce the resource state. Others want to c o n t i n u e u s i n g all three anchors. You c a n use this process to anchor different resources. S o m e people anchor a different resource on e a c h finger. O t h e r people c o n n e c t m a n y different resource states to the s a m e a n c h o r to produce a very powerful resource anchor. T h i s technique of a d d i n g different resources to the s a m e anchor is known as stacking resources. A n c h o r i n g and u s i n g your resourceful states is a skill, and like all skills, b e c o m e s easier and more effective the more y o u use it. S o m e people find it works dramatically the very first time. O t h e r s find they n e e d to practise to build their c o m p e t e n c e at d o i n g it as well as their confidence that it d o e s i n d e e d make a difference. R e m e m b e r the learning m o d e l . If a n c h o r i n g is n e w to y o u , congratulations on passing from u n c o n s c i o u s i n c o m p e t e n c e to c o n s c i o u s i n c o m p e t e n c e . Enjoy this stage as you b e c o m e c o n s c i o u s l y c o m p e t e n t . R e s o u r c e anchoring is a technique for increasing e m o t i o n a l choice. T h i s culture, unlike s o m e , believes that emotional states are involuntary, a n d created by external circumstances or other people. T h e universe m a y deal us a m i x e d h a n d of cards, b u t we can choose h o w a n d w h e n t o play t h e m . A s A l d o u s H u x l e y said, 'Experience i s not w h a t h a p p e n s to y o u , it is w h a t y o u do w i t h w h a t h a p p e n s to you.'

CHAINING

ANCHORS

A n c h o r s can be chained so that o n e l e a d s to another. Each anchor provides a link in the chain and triggers the next one, just as the electrical i m p u l s e flows from nerve to nerve in o u r body. In a sense, anchors are a mirror on the outside of h o w we create a n e w neural pathway in our nervous system between an initial trigger and a n e w response. C h a i n i n g anchors allows us to move through a s e q u e n c e of different states easily and automatically. C h a i n i n g is particularly useful if the problem state is strong and the resource state is too far away to reach in o n e stage. For example, think of a situation where y o u feel frustrated. C a n you identify the consistent signal that triggers this feeling? A tone of voice in y o u r internal dialogue? A particular sensation? S o m e t h i n g you see? It can often s e e m that the world is conspiring against you, but you can control h o w y o u react to the conspiracy. A n d the feeling of frustration is not going to c h a n g e the outside world. W h e n you have this interna] signal, decide w h i c h state you would like to m o v e on to. Curiosity perhaps? A n d from there m a y b e to creativity? To set up your c h a i n , think back to a time w h e n you were intensely curious, and a n c h o r it, perhaps kinesthetic ally, by a touch on your h a n d . Break state, a n d then think yourself back to a time w h e n you were in a very creative state and anchor that, perhaps with a t o u c h on another place on y o u r hand. N e x t , take yourself back to a frustrating experience, a n d as s o o n as you get the frustration signal, fire y o u r anchor for curiosity, and as the feeling of curiosity is peaking, touch y o u r anchor for creativity. T h i s establishes a neural network of associations that moves easily from frustration t h r o u g h curiosity to creativity. Practise it as m a n y times as you w i s h so that the connection b e c o m e s automatic. O n c e you can elicit, calibrate a n d anchor different e m o t i o n a l states, you have a tremendously powerful tool for c o u n s e l l i n g and therapy. You and your clients have quick and easy access to any e m o t i o n a l state. A n c h o r i n g can be used to assist clients to make changes remarkably quickly, and c a n be d o n e in any system, visual, auditory or kinesthetic.

Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming

COLLAPSING

61

ANCHORS

N e w what w o u l d h a p p e n if you tried to feel hot a n d cold at the s a m e time? W h a t h a p p e n s w h e n you m i x yellow a n d blue? W h a t h a p p e n s if y o u fire two opposite anchors at once? You feel w a r m or green. To collapse anchors, you anchor an unwanted negative state (call it cold or blue), and a positive state (call it hot or yellow), and fire the anchors simultaneously. After a short period of confusion, the negative state is c h a n g e d , and a new and different state c o m e s into being. You c a n use this technique of collapsing anchors w i t h a friend or client. H e r e is an outline of the steps; make sure you establish a n d m a i n t a i n rapport throughout. Collapse Anchors Summary 1. Identify the problem state and a powerful positive state the person would rather have available. 2. Elicit the positive state, a n d calibrate t h e physiology so y o u can distinguish it. Break state: have the client c h a n g e to s o m e other state by directing their attention elsewhere and asking h i m to m o v e . 3. Elicit the desired state again, and a n c h o r it with a particular t o u c h and/or word or phrase, then break state again. 4. Test the positive anchor to m a k e sure it is established. Fire the anchor by a p p l y i n g the s a m e t o u c h on the s a m e spot and/or saying the appropriate words. Be sure that you do i n d e e d see the physiology of the desired state. If you do not, repeat steps 1 to 3 to make the association stronger. W h e n y o u have established a positive anchor for the desired state, break state. 5. Identify the negative state or experience, a n d repeat steps 2 to 4 using the negative state, a n d a n c h o r it w i t h a particular t o u c h on a different spot. Break state. T h i s establishes an anchor for the problem state. 6. Take the person through each state in turn, u s i n g the anchors alternately, saying s o m e t h i n g like, 'So there are s o m e t i m e s w h e n you have felt " b l u e " (fire negative anchor) and in these situations you would really rather feel " y e l l o w " {fire positive anchor).' R e p e a t this a n u m b e r of times without breaking state between them. 7. W h e n you are ready, lead in with some appropriate words 'Notice any changes you b e c o m e aware of a n d fire both at the s a m e time. Watch the person's physiology carefully. probably see signs of change and confusion. R e m o v e the anchor before the positive anchor. 1

such as, anchors You will negative

8. l i s t y o u r work either by asking h i m to access the problem state or by firing the negative anchor. You should see the person go into a state s o m e w h e r e b e t w e e n the two (different shades of green), or a n e w a n d different state, or into the positive state. If y o u are still getting the negative state, find out w h a t other resource the person needs. A n c h o r that on the s a m e spot as the first positive resource and t h e n go on from step 6. 9. Finally, ask the person to think of a situation in the n e a r future w h e r e they m i g h t have expected to feel negative, a n d ask h i m to run through it in h i s i m a g i n a t i o n while y o u notice his state. Listen as he describes it. If you are not h a p p y w i t h his state or if he is still u n h a p p y about the prospect, find out what other resources are n e e d e d , and anchor those on the same spot as the first positive resource, a n d then go on from step 6. Collapse anchors will not work unless the positive state is stronger than the negative, a n d you m a y have to stack positive resources on o n e a n c h o r to achieve this. O n e w a y of thinking about what is h a p p e n i n g is that the nervous s y s t e m is t r y i n g to e n g a g e two mutually incompatible states at the s a m e time. It cannot, so it d o e s s o m e t h i n g different. T h e old pattern is broken a n d n e w o n e s are created. T h i s explains the c o n f u s i o n that often h a p p e n s w h e n the two anchors are collapsed. A n c h o r s allow experiences to be available by c o n s c i o u s l y u s i n g the natural processes that we normally use unconsciously. We anchor ourselves all the time, usually in a completely h a p h a z a r d way. Instead, we c a n be m u c h m o r e selective about w h a t anchors we r e s p o n d to.

CHANGE

PERSONAL

HISTORY

H u m a n experience only exists in the present m o m e n t . T h e past exists as m e m o r i e s and to r e m e m b e r these we have to re-experience t h e m in s o m e way in the present. T h e future exists as expectations or fantasies, again created in the present. A n c h o r i n g e n a b l e s us to increase o u r e m o t i o n a l freedom by e s c a p i n g from the tyranny of past negative experiences and creating a m o r e positive future. C h a n g e Personal History is a technique for re-evaluating troublesome m e m o r i e s in the light of present knowledge. We all have a rich personal history of past experiences that exist as m e m o r i e s in the present. W h i l e w h a t actuaily h a p p e n e d (whatever that was, for h u m a n m e m o r i e s are fallible) cannot be c h a n g e d , we can c h a n g e its

m e a n i n g for us in the present, a n d therefore its effect on o u r behaviour. For e x a m p l e , the feeling of j e a l o u s y is almost always generated not from what actually h a p p e n e d , b u t from constructed i m a g e s of what we believe h a p p e n e d . We then feel bad in response to those images. T h e i m a g e s are real e n o u g h to cause s o m e e x t r e m e reactions, even though they never h a p p e n e d . If past experiences were very traumatic or very intense, so that even to think about t h e m causes pain, then the p h o b i a cure in C h a p t e r 8 is a better technique to use. It is d e s i g n e d for dealing with very intense negative emotional experiences. C h a n g e Personal History is useful w h e n p r o b l e m feelings or behaviour keep recurring. T h e ' W h y do I keep d o i n g this?' type of feeling. T h e first step in using this technique with a client or friend is, of course, to establish and m a i n t a i n rapport.

Change Personal History Summary 1. Identify the negative state, elicit it, calibrate to it, a n c h o r it and then break state. 2. H o l d the negative anchor and ask the person to go back and think of a t i m e w h e n he had similar feelings. C o n t i n u e until you reach the earliest experience the person can remember. Release the anchor, break state, and bring the client fully back to the present. 3. Ask the client, in the light of what he now knows, to think of what resource he w o u l d have n e e d e d in those past situations for t h e m to have b e e n satisfying rather than problematic experiences. He will probably identify the resource w i t h a word or phrase like, 'security', 'being loved', or 'understanding'. T h e resource m u s t c o m e from within the person, a n d be u n d e r his control. H a v i n g other people in the situation behave differently w o u l d not allow the person to learn anything new. He can elicit different responses from the other people involved, only if he himself is different. 4. Elicit and anchor a specific and full experience of the necessary resource state, and test this positive anchor. 5. H o l d i n g the positive anchor, take the person back again to the earliest experience. Invite h i m to watch himself from the outside (dissociated) with this n e w resource and notice how it changes his experience. T h e n invite h i m to step inside the situation (associated) w i t h the resource, (you are still h o l d i n g the anchor) a n d r u n the

experience through as if it were h a p p e n i n g again. Ask h i m to notice the other people's responses in the situation, n o w he has this n e w resource. Invite h i m to i m a g i n e w h a t he would be like from their point of view, so he c a n get a sense of h o w they perceive this new behaviour. If he is dissatisfied at any stage, go back to step 4, identify and stack other resources to bring to the earlier situation. W h e n the person is satisfied, experiences the situation as different, and can learn from it, remove the a n c h o r and break state. 6. Test the change without using any anchors by asking the client to r e m e m b e r the past experience and notice h o w those m e m o r i e s have changed. Pay attention to his physiology. If there are signs of the negative state go back to step 4 and stack m o r e resources.

FUTURE

PACING

Experiencing a situation in advance is called future p a c i n g in N L P , and is the final step in m a n y N L P techniques. You step into the future in i m a g i n a t i o n with the n e w resources you have, and experience in advance h o w you wish it to be. For e x a m p l e , the future pace in C h a n g e Personal History is to ask the person to i m a g i n e the next time the p r o b l e m situation is likely to recur. As he does this, you calibrate to see if there is any sign of a slip back into the negative state. If there is, then y o u k n o w there is more work to be done. Future pacing tests if your work is effective. It is the nearest you can get to b e i n g in the p r o b l e m situation. However, the real test of any c h a n g e is the next t i m e the person encounters the p r o b l e m for real. Insights and changes c a n easily get anchored to the psychological consulting room. L e a r n i n g gets anchored to the classroom, and business plans to the board room. T h e real world is the real test. Secondly, future pacing is a form of mental rehearsal. M e n t a l preparation and practice is a consistent pattern that is found in all top performers: actors, musicians, salesmen, and particularly sportsmen. W h o l e training p r o g r a m m e s are built around this o n e element. M e n t a l rehearsal is practice in the i m a g i n a t i o n , and since the b o d y and m i n d form o n e system, it prepares and primes the b o d y for the actual situation. G i v i n g the brain strong positive images of success p r o g r a m s it to think in those terms, a n d makes success more likely Expectations are self-fulfilling prophecies. T h e s e ideas of future pacing and mental rehearsal c a n be used to learn from every day, and to generate n e w

behaviour. You might like to run through the following steps each night before going to sleep. As you review the day, choose s o m e t h i n g y o u did very well, a n d s o m e t h i n g y o u are not so h a p p y with. S e e both scenes again, rehear the s o u n d s , experience them again in an associated way. T h e n step out of t h e m and ask yourself, ' W h a t could I have d o n e differently?' W h a t were the choice points in these experiences? H o w could the g o o d experiences b e c o m e even better? You m a y well identify s o m e other choices you could have m a d e in the not so good experience. N o w replay the experiences fully, b u t with you b e h a v i n g differently. W h a t does this look like? H o w does it sound? C h e c k y o u r feelings. T h i s little ritual will build in choices. You m a y identify a signal in the not so good experience that will alert y o u the next time it h a p p e n s , to use another choice that you have already mentally rehearsed.

3

1 Replay and create new choices

4 Does it feel right?

Remember and replay

Ask yourself 'What could I have done differently P

You can use this type of technique for generating entirely n e w behaviour, or for c h a n g i n g and i m p r o v i n g s o m e t h i n g y o u already do.

NEW

BEHAVIOUR

GENERATOR

T h i s is the m o r e general technique to use if there is s o m e n e w behaviour you want, or o n e that you would like to c h a n g e or improve. For e x a m p l e , you m a y want to improve at y o u r favourite sport. Watch yourself in your i m a g i n a t i o n behaving the way you would like to, hitting the tennis serve just right for e x a m p l e . If this is difficult, watch a role m o d e l d o i n g the behaviour. Take the director's chair of the inner film. Be Steven Spielberg in your i m a g i n a t i o n . Watch the s c e n e as it unfolds before your inner eye. Stay dissociated as you listen to, and edit the soundtrack. You are the star as well as the director. If there are any other people involved, notice their responses to what y o u are doing. Direct the scene and edit the soundtrack until you are completely satisfied, then step inside that i m a g e of yourself and run it through as t h o u g h you are d o i n g it. As y o u do this, pay particular attention to b o t h your feelings, and the responses of the people around you. D o e s this n e w behaviour represent your values and your personal integrity? If it does not feel right, go back to the director's chair and c h a n g e the film before stepping back into it. W h e n you are h a p p y with your i m a g i n e d performance, identify an internal or external signal that y o u c a n use to trigger this behaviour. M e n t a l l y rehearse n o t i c i n g the signal and going through the n e w behaviour. T h e n e w behaviour generator is a simple but powerful technique to use in your personal and professional development. Every experience b e c o m e s an o p p o r t u n i t y for learning. T h e m o r e you do this, the faster you m o v e towards b e c o m i n g the person you really want to be.

CHAPTER

4 No m a n is an island entire u n t o himself John Donne

LOOPS

AND

SYSTEMS

C o m m u n i c a t i o n c a n be treated as simple cause and effect. Isolate o n e interaction, treat it as a cause, and analyse the effect it has without c o n s i d e r i n g further influences. We often talk as if this is what h a p p e n s , b u t it is clearly a great simplification. T h e laws of cause and effect work for i n a n i m a t e objects; if o n e billiard ball collides with another, you can predict with a fair a m o u n t of accuracy the final resting place of each. After the initial collision they no longer influence e a c h other. L i v i n g s y s t e m s are another matter. If I kick a d o g , I could calculate the force and m o m e n t u m of my foot a n d work out exactly h o w far the d o g should travel in a particular direction, given its size and weight. The reality would be a bit different - if I were to be foolish e n o u g h to kick a d o g , it m i g h t turn round a n d bite my leg. T h e d o g ' s final resting place is very unlikely to be anything to do with N e w t o n ' s laws of m o t i o n . H u m a n relationships are c o m p l e x - m a n y things h a p p e n simultaneously. You cannot predict exactly what will occur, b e c a u s e o n e person's response influences the other person's c o m m u n i c a t i o n . T h e relationship is a loop; we are c o n t i n u o u s l y responding to feedback in order to know w h a t to do next. Focusing on only o n e side of the loop is like trying to understand tennis by studying only o n e e n d of the court. You could spend a lifetime figuring out how hitting the ball 'causes' it to c o m e back, and the laws that d e t e r m i n e what the next shot m u s t be. O u r conscious m i n d is limited and can never see the w h o l e l o o p of c o m m u n i c a t i o n , only small parts of it. T h e content and the context of a c o m m u n i c a t i o n c o m b i n e to make the m e a n i n g . T h e context is the total setting, the w h o l e system that

enfolds it. W h a t does one piece of a jigsaw m e a n ? N o t h i n g in itself; it d e p e n d s where it goes in the total picture, where it fits a n d w h a t relationship it has to the other pieces. W h a t does a musical note m e a n ? Very little on its own, it d e p e n d s h o w it relates to the notes a r o u n d it, h o w h i g h or low it is, and h o w long it lasts. T h e same n o t e can s o u n d quite different if the notes around it change. T h e r e are two m a i n ways of understanding experience and events. You c a n focus on the content, information. W h a t is this piece? W h a t is it called? W h a t does it look like? H o w is it like others? M o s t education is like this; jigsaw pieces can be interesting and beautiful to study in isolation, b u t y o u only get a o n e d i m e n s i o n a l understanding. U n d e r s t a n d i n g in depth n e e d s another viewpoint: relationship or context. W h a t does the piece m e a n ? H o w does it relate to others? W h e r e d o e s it fit into the system? O u r inner world of beliefs, thoughts, representational systems a n d submodalities also form a system. C h a n g i n g o n e c a n have widespread effects a n d will generate other changes, as you will have discovered w h e n you experimented with c h a n g i n g the submodalities of your experience. A few well chosen words at just the right time can transform a person's life. C h a n g i n g o n e small piece of a m e m o r y can alter your w h o l e state of m i n d . T h i s is what h a p p e n s w h e n you deal with s y s t e m s - o n e small p u s h in the right direction can generate profound change, and you have to know where to push. Trying is useless. You can try really hard to feel better and finish feeling worse. Trying is like a t t e m p t i n g to force a d o o r inwards, you c a n waste a lot of e n e r g y before you realize it actually o p e n s outwards. W h e n we act to achieve our goals, we n e e d to check that there are no inner reservations or doubts. We n e e d also to pay attention to the outer e c o l o g y and appreciate the effect our goals will have on o u r w i d e r system of relationships. So the results of o u r actions c o m e back to us in a loop. C o m m u n i c a t i o n is a relationship, not a o n e - w a y passage of information. You cannot be a teacher without a student, or a seller without a buyer, a counsellor without a client. Acting wholeheartedly with w i s d o m m e a n s appreciating the relationships and interactions b e t w e e n ourselves and others. T h e balance and relationship b e t w e e n parts of o u r m i n d will be a mirror of the balance and relationships we have with the outside world. N L P thinking is in terms of systems. For e x a m p l e G r e g o r y Bateson, one of the m o s t influential figures in

the d e v e l o p m e n t of N L P , applied cybernetic or systems thinking to biology, evolution and psychology, while V i r g i n i a Satir, the worldf a m o u s family therapist, and also o n e of the original m o d e l s for N L P , treated a family as a b a l a n c e d s y s t e m of relationships, not a collection of individuals with problems to be fixed. E a c h person w a s a valuable part. She helped the family to achieve a better and healthier balance, and her art lay in k n o w i n g exactly w h e r e to intervene a n d exactly which person n e e d e d to c h a n g e so that all the relationships improved. As with a kaleidoscope, y o u c a n n o t c h a n g e o n e piece without

c h a n g i n g the whole pattern. But, which bit do you c h a n g e to create the pattern you want? T h i s is the art of effective therapy. T h e best way to c h a n g e others is to c h a n g e yourself. T h e n you c h a n g e your relationships and other people must c h a n g e too. S o m e t i m e s we spend a lot of time on o n e level trying to c h a n g e somebody, while on another level b e h a v i n g in a way that e x a c d y reinforces what they are doing. Richard B a n d i e r calls this the ' G o away . . . closer . , ,' pattern. T h e r e is a nice m e t a p h o r from physics known as the Butterfly Effect. In theory, the movement of a butterfly's w i n g can c h a n g e the weather on the other side of the globe, for it m i g h t just disturb the air pressure at a critical time and place. In a c o m p l e x system a small change can have a h u g e effect. So not all e l e m e n t s in a system are equally important. S o m e can be c h a n g e d with little effect, but others will have a w i d e s p r e a d influence. If you want to i n d u c e changes in your pulse, appetite, life span and growth rate, you need only tamper with a small gland called the pituitary at the base of your skull. It is the b o d y ' s nearest equivalent to a m a s t e r control panel. It works in the s a m e way a thermostat controls a central h e a t i n g system. You c a n set the radiators individually, but the thermostat controls t h e m all. T h e thermostat is on a higher logical level than the radiators it controls.

N L P identifies and uses the successful e l e m e n t s that different psychologies have i n c o m m o n . T h e h u m a n brain has the s a m e structure the world over, and has generated all the different psychological theories, so they are b o u n d to share s o m e basic patterns. Because N L P takes patterns across the w h o l e field, it is on a different logical level. A book about how to make maps is on a different level to the various books of maps, even though it is another book.

LEARNING

LOOPS

We learn from o u r mistakes, m u c h more than from our successes. T h e y give us useful feedback, and we spend a lot m o r e t i m e thinking about them. We rarely get s o m e t h i n g right first t i m e , unless it is very simple, a n d even then there will be room for i m p r o v e m e n t . We l e a r n by a series of successive approximations. We do w h a t we c a n (the present state) and c o m p a r e that to what we want (desired state). We use this as feedback to act again and reduce the difference b e t w e e n what we want, and what we are getting. Slowly we approach o u r goal. T h i s c o m p a r i s o n drives o u r learning at every level t h r o u g h conscious i n c o m p e t e n c e to u n c o n s c i o u s c o m p e t e n c e . T h i s is a general m o d e l of the way to b e c o m e more effective at anything you do. You c o m p a r e what you have w i t h w h a t you w a n t , a n d act to reduce the m i s m a t c h . T h e n you c o m p a r e again. T h e c o m p a r i s o n will be based on your values: what is important to you in that situation. For e x a m p l e , in checking over these pages, I have to decide w h e t h e r they are good e n o u g h or w h e t h e r they n e e d rewriting. My values are clarity of m e a n i n g (from the reader's viewpoint, not m i n e ) , correctness of g r a m m a r and the flow of the words. I also need to decide on my e v i d e n c e procedure. H o w will I k n o w that it meets my values? If I have no evidence procedure I c o u l d go round and round the l o o p forever, b e c a u s e I will never know w h e n to stop. T h i s is a trap for authors w h o spend years correcting their manuscript to get it perfect and never publish at all. E v i d e n c e in my e x a m p l e would involve putting the text t h r o u g h the spell checker initially, t h e n s h o w i n g it to friends w h o s e advice I value a n d getting their feedback. I would make alterations based on that feedback. T h e m o d e l is k n o w n as the T O T E model, which stands for T e s t O p e r a t e - T e s t - E x i t . T h e c o m p a r i s o n is the Test. T h e O p e r a t i o n is where you apply your resources. Test by c o m p a r i n g again and Exit

from the loop w h e n your evidence procedure tells you your o u t c o m e h a s b e e n achieved. H o w successful you are will d e p e n d on the n u m b e r of choices of operations you have: your flexibility of behaviour, or requisite variety, a term from cybernetics. So the j o u r n e y from present state to desired state is not even a z i g - z a g after all, but a spiral. T h e r e will probably be smaller loops like this g o i n g on within the larger one: smaller o u t c o m e s that you need to achieve the m a i n one. T h e whole system fits together like a collection of C h i n e s e boxes. In this model of learning, mistakes are useful, for they are results you do not want in this context. T h e y can be used as feedback to get closer to your goal. Children are taught m a n y subjects at school and forget most of t h e m . T h e y are not usually taught h o w to learn. L e a r n i n g to learn is a higher level skill than l e a r n i n g any particular material. N L P deals with how to b e c o m e a better learner, regardless of the subject. T h e quickest and most effective way to learn is to use what h a p p e n s naturally, and easily. L e a r n i n g and change is often thought to be a slow, painful process. T h i s is not true. T h e r e are slow and painful ways of learning and c h a n g i n g , b u t u s i n g N L P is not o n e of t h e m . Robert Dilts has developed a technique for converting what c o u l d be looked on as failure into feedback, and learning from it. It is easiest with another person taking you through t h e following steps.

FAILURE

TO

FEEDBACK

1. W h a t is the problem attitude or belief? Are all your Do-It-Yourself projects e n d i n g in ignominy? Are your attempts at cooking good news for the local take-away restaurants? In what area are you getting unwanted results? Do you believe that you cannot do s o m e t h i n g , or are not very g o o d at it? As you think about the problem, w h a t is your physiology and eye accessing position? T h i n k i n g about failure will usually involve a bad feeling, pictures of specific times you failed, and perhaps s o m e internal voice reprimanding you, all at the s a m e time. You cannot deal with them all together. You n e e d to find out what is h a p p e n i n g internally in each of the representational systems separately. 2. L o o k d o w n right and get in touch with the feeling. W h a t is the feeling by itself trying to do for you? W h a t is its positive intention?

l b motivate you perhaps? O r protect you? L o o k d o w n left. Is there a m e s s a g e in t h e words taken in isolation that c o u l d be helpful? L o o k up left and see the pictures of the m e m o r i e s . Is there s o m e t h i n g n e w you can learn from them? Start to get a more realistic perspective on the problem. You are capable of m o r e than this. N o t i c e how there are positive resources m i x e d in with the m e m o r i e s of the problem. Relate the words, pictures and feelings to the desired goal. H o w c a n they help you achieve it? 3. Identify a positive, resourceful experience to c o m e , s o m e t h i n g you are sure you can achieve in t h e future. T h i s n e e d not be s o m e t h i n g m o m e n t o u s . Identify the m a i n visual, auditory a n d kinesthetic submodalities of the way you think about this experience. A n c h o r the experience kinesthetically by touch. C h e c k that w h e n you fire the anchor, you access the resource experience. T h i s is a reference experience of what you know you can achieve. 4. Look up and right and construct a picture of a desired goal or attitude that takes into account what you have learned from the feelings, pictures and words associated with the problem belief. C h e c k that it is in h a r m o n y with your personality a n d relationships. Be sure there is a clear c o n n e c t i o n b e t w e e n the m e m o r i e s and the positive goal or attitude. You m a y want to modify the goal with what you learned from l o o k i n g at the m e m o r i e s . 5. M a k e the submodalities of the desired goal the same as those of the positive reference experience, h o l d the anchor for the reference experience as you do this. T h e entire process will enable you to learn from w h a t is past and free your expectation of t h e future from the grip of past failure. You will be thinking about your goal with submodalities of positive anticipation.

LEVELS

OF

LEARNING

L e a r n i n g at the simplest level is trial a n d error with or w i t h o u t guidance. You learn to m a k e the best choice available, the 'right' answer. T h i s m a y take o n e trial, or m a n y trials. You learn to write, to spell, that red traffic lights m e a n , stop. You start from u n c o n s c i o u s i n c o m p e t e n c e and progress to conscious c o m p e t e n c e by g o i n g through the learning loop.

O n c e a response b e c o m e s a habit, you stop learning. Theoretically, y o u could act differently, but in practice you do not. H a b i t s are extremely useful, they streamline the parts of our lives we do not want to think about. H o w tedious to decide h o w to do up y o u r shoelaces every m o r n i n g . Definitely not an area to e n g a g e y o u r creativity. But there is an art to d e c i d i n g w h a t parts of your life y o u want to turn over to habit, a n d w h a t parts of y o u r life you w a n t to c o n t i n u e to learn from a n d have choice about. T h i s is a key question of balance. T h i s question actually takes you up a level. You can look at the skills y o u have learned, and choose between t h e m , or create n e w choices that will fulfil the s a m e intention. N o w you c a n learn to be a better learner, by c h o o s i n g h o w you are going to learn. T h e p o o r m a n w h o was granted three wishes in the fairy story, obviously d i d not k n o w about levels of learning. If he h a d known, instead of using his last wish to restore the status quo, he would have w i s h e d for three m o r e wishes. Children learn at school that 4 + 4 - 8. At o n e level this is simple learning. You do not n e e d to understand, just remember. T h e r e is an automatic association; it has been anchored. Left at this level, this would m e a n that 3 + 5 cannot make 8 b e c a u s e 4 + 4 do. O b v i o u s l y learning m a t h e m a t i c s this way is useless. U n l e s s y o u c o n n e c t y o u r i d e a s to a higher level, they r e m a i n limited to a particular context. True learning involves learning other ways of d o i n g what y o u c a n do already. You learn that 1 and 7 make 8 and so do 2 and 6. T h e n you c a n go up a level a n d u n d e r s t a n d the rules b e h i n d these answers. K n o w i n g w h a t you want, y o u c a n find different creative ways of satisfying it. S o m e people will c h a n g e w h a t they want rather than w h a t they are d o i n g to get it. T h e y give up trying to get 8 b e c a u s e they are d e t e r m i n e d to use 3 + 4, a n d it will not work out. O t h e r s m a y always use 4 + 4 to make 8, never anything else. T h e so-called 'hidden curriculum' of schools is an e x a m p l e of higher level learning. Regardless of what is learnt, how is it learnt? N o b o d y consciously teaches the values of the h i d d e n curriculum, it is the school as a context, a n d has a greater influence on children's behaviour than the formal lessons. If children never learn that there are a n y other ways to learn than passively, by repetition, in a peer group, a n d from s o m e o n e in authority, they are in an analogous position at a higher level to the child w h o learns that 4 + 4 is the only way to m a k e 8. A still higher level of learning results in a profound c h a n g e in the way we think about ourselves and the world. It involves u n d e r s t a n d i n g

the relationships and paradoxes of the different ways we learn to learn. G r e g o r y Bateson tells an interesting story in his book Steps to the Ecology of Mind about the time he was involved in s t u d y i n g the c o m m u n i c a t i o n patterns of dolphins at the M a r i n e Research Institute in H a w a i i . He would watch the trainers teach the dolphins to do tricks for a p a y i n g audience. On the first day, w h e n the d o l p h i n did s o m e t h i n g unusual, such as j u m p i n g out from the water, the trainer blew a whistle and threw the dolphin a fish as a reward. Every time the d o l p h i n behaved that way, the trainer w o u l d blow the whistle and throw the dolphin a fish. Very soon the dolphin learned that this b e h a v i o u r guaranteed a fish; it would repeat it more and more and c o m e to expect the reward. T h e next day the d o l p h i n would c o m e out and do its j u m p , e x p e c t i n g a fish, b u t none was forthcoming. T h e d o l p h i n w o u l d repeat its j u m p fruitlessly for s o m e time, then in a n n o y a n c e do s o m e t h i n g else such as rolling over. T h e trainer then blew the w h i s d e and threw the dolphin a fish. T h e d o l p h i n then repeated this n e w trick, a n d was rewarded with fish. No fish for yesterday's trick, only for s o m e t h i n g new. T h i s pattern was repeated for 34 days. T h e d o l p h i n w o u l d c o m e out and do the trick it had learned the day before for s o m e time to no avail. W h e n it did s o m e t h i n g new, it was rewarded. T h i s was probably very frustrating for the dolphin. On the fifteenth day however, it suddenly appeared to learn the rules of the game. It went wild and put on an a m a z i n g show, i n c l u d i n g eight n e w unusual behaviours, four of which had never b e e n observed in the species before. T h e dolphin had moved up a learning level. It s e e m e d to understand not only how to generate n e w behaviours, but the rules about how a n d w h e n to generate t h e m . O n e further point: d u r i n g the 14 days B a t e s o n saw the trainer throwing u n e a r n e d fish for the d o l p h i n outside the training context. W h e n he questioned this, the trainer replied, ' T h a i is to keep my relationship w i t h h i m . If I do not have a good relationship, he is not going to bother about learning anything.'

DESCRIPTIONS

OF

REALITY

To learn the m o s t from any situation or experience, you will n e e d to gather information from as m a n y points of v i e w as possible. Each representational system gives a different way of describing reality. N e w ideas e m e r g e from these different descriptions as w h i t e light

e m e r g e s w h e n y o u c o m b i n e the colours of the rainbow. You cannot function w i t h just one representational system. You n e e d at least two, o n e to take in the information, and another to interpret it in a different way. In the s a m e way a n y single person's viewpoint will have blind spots caused by their their habitual ways of perceiving the world, their perceptual filters. By d e v e l o p i n g the skill of seeing the world from other people's points of v i e w we have a way of seeing through our own blind spots, in the way that we ask a friend for advice and a different viewpoint if we are stuck. H o w can we shift our perceptions to get outside o u r o w n limited world view?

TRIPLE

DESCRIPTION

T h e r e is a m i n i m u m of three ways we can look at o u r experience. In the most recent work by J o h n Grinder a n d J u d i t h D e L o z i e r they are called first, second and third perceptual positions. Firstly, you can look at the world completely from your own point of view, your own reality within yourself, in a completely associated way, and not take anyone else's point of v i e w into account. You simply think, ' H o w does this affect m e ? ' T h i n k back a n d concentrate on a time w h e n you were intensely aware of what y o u thought, regardless of anyone else in the situation. T h i s is called 'first position' {and you have just experienced it as you concentrated on y o u r own reality, regardless of the instance you selected). Secondly, you can consider how it would look, feel and s o u n d from another person's point of view. It is obvious that the same situation or behaviour can m e a n different things to different people, it is essential to appreciate another person's point of view and ask, ' H o w would this appear to t h e m ? ' T h i s is called 'second position', often known as e m p a t h y If you are in conflict with another person, you need to appreciate h o w they feel about w h a t you are doing. T h e stronger the rapport you have with the other person, the better you will be able to appreciate their reality, and the m o r e skilled you will be at a c h i e v i n g second position. Thirdly, you can have the experience of seeing the world from an outside point of view, as if you are a c o m p l e t e l y i n d e p e n d e n t observer, s o m e o n e with no personal involvement in the situation. Ask, ' H o w would this look to s o m e o n e w h o is not involved?' T h i s gives you an objective viewpoint and is k n o w n as 'third position'. It is on a different

level to the other two, but it is not superior. T h i r d position is different from being dissociated. For third position to be useful you n e e d to be in a strong, resourceful state. You take an objective a n d resourceful view of your own behaviour so you can evaluate and generate s o m e useful choices in any difficult situation. B e i n g able to take a third position view of a problem is a very useful skill a n d c a n save y o u a lot of the stress and trouble that results from hasty actions. All three positions are equally important, the point is to be able to m o v e between t h e m freely. S o m e o n e stuck in first position will be an egoistical monster, s o m e o n e habitually in second will be u n d u l y influenced by other people's views. S o m e o n e habitually in third will be a detached observer of life. T h e idea of triple description is j u s t o n e aspect of the approach taken by J o h n Grinder and J u d i t h D e L o z i e r in their book, Turtles All the Way Down, to describe N L P in a simpler way. T h e approach is known as the ' n e w c o d e ' of N L P , a n d focuses on achieving a wise balance b e t w e e n conscious and u n c o n s c i o u s processes. We all spend time in these three positions, we do them naturally, and they help us to understand any situation or o u t c o m e better. T h e ability to m o v e cleanly b e t w e e n t h e m , consciously or unconsciously, is necessary to act w i t h w i s d o m , a n d to appreciate the wonderful complexity of o u r relationships. T h e differences you see w h e n you look at the world in different ways, are w h a t give it richness a n d what gives y o u choice. First, s e c o n d a n d third positions are an explicit recognition that the m a p is not the territory. T h e r e are m a n y different maps. T h e idea is to be aware of difference, rather than try to impose uniformity. It is the difference and the tension between these different ways of looking at the world that is important. Excitement and invention c o m e s from seeing things In a different w a y S a m e n e s s breeds b o r e d o m , mediocrity and struggle. In biological evolution it is the species that are the s a m e that c o m e into conflict and struggle to survive. Wars erupt w h e n people want exactly the s a m e scarce resources. W i s d o m c o m e s from balance, a n d you cannot balance unless there are different forces to be balanced.

ROBERT

DILTS'

UNIFIED

FIELD

OF

NLP

Robert Dilts has built a simple, elegant m o d e l for thinking about personal c h a n g e , learning and c o m m u n i c a t i o n that brings together

these ideas of context, relationship, levels of l e a r n i n g a n d perceptual position. It also forms a context for thinking about the techniques of N L P , and gives a framework for organizing and gathering information, so you c a n identify the best point to intervene to m a k e the desired change. We do not c h a n g e in bits and pieces, but organically. T h e question is, exactly where does the butterfly have to m o v e its wings? W h e r e to p u s h to make a difference? L e a r n i n g a n d c h a n g e can take place at different levels. 1. Spiritual T h i s is the deepest level, w h e r e we consider a n d act out the great metaphysical questions. W h y are we here? W h a t is our purpose? T h e spiritual level guides and shapes o u r lives, and u n d e r p i n s o u r existence. A n y c h a n g e at this level has profound repercussions on all other levels, as St Paul found on the road to D a m a s c u s . In o n e sense it contains everything we are and do, and yet is n o n e of those things. 2. Identity T h i s is my basic sense of self, my core values a n d mission in life. 3. Beliefs T h e various i d e a s we think are true, a n d u s e as a basis for daily action. Beliefs c a n be b o t h permissions a n d limitations. 4. Capability T h e s e are the groups or sets of behaviours, general skills a n d strategies that we use in o u r life. 5. Behaviour T h e specific actions we carry out, regardless of our capability. 6. Environment W h a t we react to, o u r surroundings, and the other people we m e e t . lb take an e x a m p l e of a s a l e s m a n thinking about his work at these different levels: Environment: T h i s n e i g h b o u r h o o d is a good area for my work in selling. Behaviour: I m a d e that sale today. Capability: I can sell this product to people. Belief: If I do well at sales, I c o u l d be p r o m o t e d . Identity: I am a g o o d salesman. T h i s is an e x a m p l e of success. T h e m o d e l can equally well be applied

Neurological Levels

to p r o b l e m s . For e x a m p l e , I m i g h t misspell a word. I could p u t this d o w n to the e n v i r o n m e n t : the noise distracted m e . I c o u l d leave it at the level of behaviour. I got this o n e word wrong. I could generalize and question my capability with words. I could start to believe I n e e d to do m o r e work to improve, or I c o u l d call my identity into question by thinking I am stupid. Behaviour is often taken as evidence of identity or capability, and this is h o w confidence a n d c o m p e t e n c e are destroyed in the classroom. G e t t i n g a s u m w r o n g d o e s not m e a n y o u are stupid or that y o u are poor at maths. To think this is to confuse logical levels, equivalent to thinking a ' N o S m o k i n g ' sign in a c i n e m a applies to the characters in the film. W h e n you want to c h a n g e yourself or others, you n e e d to gather information, the noticeable parts of t h e p r o b l e m , t h e s y m p t o m s that the person is uncomfortable with. T h i s is t h e present state. Less o b v i o u s t h a n the s y m p t o m s are the u n d e r l y i n g causes that m a i n t a i n the problem. W h a t does t h e person have to keep d o i n g to m a i n t a i n t h e problem? T h e r e will be a desired state, an o u t c o m e which is the goal of c h a n g e . T h e r e will be the resources that will help to achieve this o u t c o m e . T h e r e are also side effects of reaching t h e o u t c o m e , b o t h for oneself a n d others. F r o m this m o d e l it is possible to s e e h o w y o u can be e m b r o i l e d in two types of conflict. You m i g h t have difficulty c h o o s i n g b e t w e e n staying in and watching television a n d g o i n g out to the theatre. T h i s is a straightforward clash of behaviours. T h e r e c o u l d be a d a s h w h e r e s o m e t h i n g b e c o m e s g o o d on o n e level b u t b a d on another. For e x a m p l e , a child m a y be very g o o d at d r a m a in school, b u t believe that d o i n g it will make h i m u n p o p u l a r w i t h his classmates, so he d o e s not do it. Behaviours a n d capabilities m a y be h i g h l y rewarded, yet clash w i t h o n e ' s beliefs or identity. T h e way we v i e w t i m e is important, A p r o b l e m m a y have to do w i t h a past t r a u m a , w h i c h h a s c o n t i n u i n g repercussions in the present. A p h o b i a w o u l d be an e x a m p l e , but there are m a n y others, less dramatic, w h e r e difficult a n d u n h a p p y t i m e s in the past affect o u r quality of life in the present. M a n y therapies think of present p r o b l e m s as d e t e r m i n e d by past events. W h i l e we are influenced by, a n d create our personal history, the past c a n be u s e d as a resource rather t h a n as a limitation. T h e C h a n g e Personal History technique has already b e e n described. It re-evaluates t h e past in terms of present knowledge. We are not trapped forever to repeat past mistakes.

On the other h a n d , hopes and fears for the future c a n paralyse y o u in the present. T h i s can range from worrying about g i v i n g an after dinner speech on Wednesday week, to important questions of personal and financial security in the future. A n d there is the present m o m e n t w h e n all o u r personal history a n d possible futures converge. You c a n i m a g i n e your life on a line t h r o u g h time, stretching from distant past to distant future, a n d see how the present a n d desired state, identity, belief, capability, behaviour and e n v i r o n m e n t all relate to your personal history and possible future. O u r total personality is like a h o l o g r a m , a three-dimensional i m a g e created by b e a m s of light. A n y piece of the h o l o g r a m will give y o u the w h o l e image. You can c h a n g e small e l e m e n t s like submodalities and watch the effect ripple upwards, or work from the top downwards by c h a n g i n g an important belief. T h e best way will b e c o m e apparent as you gather information about the present and desired states. C h a n g e on a lower level will not necessarily cause any change on higher levels. A change in e n v i r o n m e n t is unlikely to c h a n g e my beliefs. H o w I behave m a y change s o m e beliefs about myself. H o w e v e r c h a n g e in belief will definitely c h a n g e how I behave. C h a n g e at a h i g h level will always affect the lower levels. It will be more pervasive a n d lasting. So if you w a n t to change behaviour, work with capability or belief. If there is a lack of capability, work with beliefs. Beliefs select capabilities which select behaviours, w h i c h in turn directly build o u r e n v i r o n m e n t . A supportive e n v i r o n m e n t is important, a hostile e n v i r o n m e n t can make any change difficult. It is difficult to m a k e a change at the level of identity or beyond without the beliefs and capabilities to support you. N o r is it e n o u g h for a b u s i n e s s m a n to believe he c a n be a top m a n a g e r - he needs to back his belief up with work. Beliefs without capabilities a n d behaviours to back t h e m up are castles built on sand. T h e unified field is a way of p u t t i n g together the different parts of N L P in a framework m a d e up from the ideas of neurological levels, time, and perceptual position. You can use it to understand the balance and relationship of the different e l e m e n t s in yourself and others. T h e key is balance. P r o b l e m s arise from a lack of balance, and the unified field enables you to identify w h i c h e l e m e n t s have a s s u m e d too great an importance, and w h i c h are absent or too weak. For e x a m p l e , a person may put too m u c h e m p h a s i s on past time and pay u n d u e attention to past events, letting these influence her life, and devalue the present and the future. A n o t h e r person m i g h t spend too m u c h t i m e in first position, and not take other people's viewpoints

into account. Others m a y pay a lot of attention to behaviour a n d e n v i r o n m e n t , a n d not e n o u g h to their identity and beliefs. T h e unified field framework gives you a way of identifying an imbalance, as a necessary first step to finding ways of a c h i e v i n g a healthier balance. For therapists it is invaluable as a diagnostic tool to let you know w h i c h of the m a n y techniques to use. T h i s is a rich m o d e l and we leave you to think of the m a n y different ways you can use it.

Neurological Levels

Unified Field

Perceprual

BELIEFS 'I can't believe that!' said Alice. 'Can't y o u ? ' the Q u e e n said in a pitying tone. 'Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.' Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' she said. ' O n e can't believe impossible things.' T dare say you haven't h a d m u c h practice,' said the Q u e e n . ' W h e n I was your age, I always did it for half an h o u r a day. Why, s o m e t i m e s I've believed as m a n y as six impossible things before breakfast.' Alice Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll O u r beliefs strongly influence o u r behaviour. T h e y motivate us and shape what we do. It is difficult to learn anything without believing it will be pleasant and to o u r advantage. W h a t are beliefs? H o w are they formed, and how do we m a i n t a i n them? Beliefs are o u r g u i d i n g principles, the inner m a p s we use to make sense of the world. T h e y give stability and continuity. Shared beliefs give a d e e p e r sense of rapport and c o m m u n i t y than shared work. We all share s o m e basic beliefs that the physical world confirms every day. We believe in the laws of nature. We do not walk off the tops of buildings, or need to test a n e w each d a y that fire burns. We also have m a n y beliefs about ourselves and the sort of world we live in that are not so clearly defined. People are not so consistent and i m m u t a b l e as the force of gravity. Beliefs c o m e from m a n y sources - upbringing, m o d e l l i n g of significant others, past traumas, a n d repetitive experiences. We build beliefs by generalizing from o u r experience of the world and other people. H o w do we know w h a t experiences to generalize from? S o m e beliefs c o m e to us ready m a d e from the culture and e n v i r o n m e n t we are born into. T h e expectations of the significant people around us in childhood instil beliefs. H i g h expectations (providing they are realistic), build c o m p e t e n c e , Low expectations instil i n c o m p e t e n c e . We believe w h a t we are told about ourselves w h e n we are y o u n g b e c a u s e we have no way of testing, and these beliefs may persist u n m o d i f i e d by our later achievements. W h e n we believe s o m e t h i n g , we act as if it is true. T h i s makes it difficult to disprove; beliefs act as strong perceptual filters. Events are interpreted in terms of the belief, and exceptions prove the rule. W h a t we do m a i n t a i n s a n d reinforces what we believe. Beliefs are not just

m a p s of w h a t has h a p p e n e d , but blueprints for future actions. Studies have b e e n d o n e where a g r o u p of children have b e e n divided into two groups o f equal I Q Teachers were told that o n e g r o u p h a d a h i g h IQ, a n d were e x p e c t e d to do better than the s e c o n d group. A l t h o u g h (he only difference between the two groups was the teachers' expectation (a belief), the 'high I Q ' group got m u c h better results than the s e c o n d g r o u p w h e n tested later. T h i s type of self-fulfilling p r o p h e c y is s o m e t i m e s k n o w n as the P y g m a l i o n effect, A similar kind of self-fulfilling p r o p h e c y is the p l a c e b o effect, well k n o w n in m e d i c i n e . Patients will improve if they believe they are b e i n g given an effective drug, even w h e n they are actually b e i n g given placebos, inert substances with no proven medical effect. T h e belief effects the cure. D r u g s are not always necessary, b u t belief in recovery always is. Studies consistently show that about 30 per cent of patients respond to placebos. In o n e study a doctor gave an injection of distilled water to a n u m b e r of patients with b l e e d i n g peptic ulcers, telling them that it was a w o n d e r d r u g and it w o u l d cure t h e m . Seventy per cent of the patients showed excellent results which lasted over a year. Positive beliefs are p e r m i s s i o n s that t u r n on o u r capabilities. Beliefs create results. T h e r e is a saying, ' W h e t h e r y o u believe y o u can or you can't do s o m e t h i n g . . . You're right.' L i m i t i n g beliefs usually centre round, 'I can't . . .' R e g a r d this phrase as simply a statement of fact, that is valid for the present m o m e n t only. For e x a m p l e to say, 'I can't j u g g l e ' m e a n s I c a n (not juggle). It is very easy not to juggle. A n y o n e c a n do it. B e l i e v i n g that 'I can't' is a description of your capability n o w a n d in the future, instead of b e i n g a description of y o u r b e h a v i o u r now, will p r o g r a m your brain to fail, a n d this will prevent y o u finding out y o u r true capability. N e g a t i v e beliefs have no basis in experience. A g o o d m e t a p h o r for the effect of l i m i t i n g beliefs is the way a frog's eye works. A frog will see m o s t things in its i m m e d i a t e e n v i r o n m e n t , but it only interprets things that m o v e and have a particular shape and configuration as food. T h i s is a very efficient w a y of providing the frog w i t h food s u c h as flies. However, b e c a u s e only m o v i n g black objects are recognized as food, a frog will starve to d e a t h in a b o x of d e a d flies. So perceptual filters that are too narrow a n d too efficient can starve us of g o o d experiences, e v e n w h e n we are s u r r o u n d e d by exciting possibilities, b e c a u s e they are not recognized as such. T h e best w a y to find out w h a t y o u are capable of is to pretend you c a n do it. A c t 'as if y o u can. W h a t y o u can't do, y o u won't. If it really

is impossible, don't worry, you'll find that out. ( A n d be sure to set up appropriate safety m e a s u r e s if necessary.) As long as you believe it is impossible, you will actually never find out if it is possible or not. We are not born with beliefs as we are with eye colour. T h e y c h a n g e and develop. We think of ourselves differently, we marry, divorce, c h a n g e friendships and act differently b e c a u s e our beliefs change. Beliefs can be a matter of choice. You can drop beliefs that limit you and build beliefs that will make your life more fun and more successful. Positive beliefs allow y o u to find out what could be true and h o w capable you are. T h e y are permissions to explore and play in the world of possibility. W h a t beliefs are worth h a v i n g that will enable and support you in your goals? T h i n k of s o m e of the beliefs you have about yourself. Are they useful? Are they permissions or barriers? We all have core beliefs about love, a n d w h a t is important in life. We have m a n y others about o u r possibilities and h a p p i n e s s that we have created, and can change. An essential part of b e i n g successful is h a v i n g beliefs that allow you to be successful. E m p o w e r i n g beliefs will not guarantee you success every time, but they keep you resourceful a n d capable of s u c c e e d i n g in the end. T h e r e have b e e n s o m e studies at Stanford U n i v e r s i t y on 'Self Efficacy Expectation', or h o w behaviour changes to match a n e w belief. T h e study was about h o w well people think they do something, c o m p a r e d to h o w well they actually do it. A variety of tasks were used, from m a t h e m a t i c s to snake handling. At first, beliefs and performance m a t c h e d , people performed as they thought they would. T h e n the researchers set about b u i l d i n g the subjects' belief in themselves by setting goals, arranging d e m o n strations, and giving t h e m expert coaching. Expectations rose, b u t performance typically d r o p p e d b e c a u s e they were trying out n e w techniques. T h e r e was a point of m a x i m u m difference between what they believed they could do, and what they were actually achieving. If the subjects stuck to the task, their performance w o u l d rise to m e e t their expectations. If they b e c a m e discouraged, it dropped to its initial level. Think for a m o m e n t of three beliefs that have limited you. Go ahead and write them down. Now, in your m i n d , look into a huge, ugly mirror. I m a g i n e how y o u r life will be in five years if you c o n t i n u e to act as if these limiting beliefs were true. H o w will your life be in ten years? In twenty? Take a m o m e n t to clear your m i n d . Stand up, walk around or take

a few d e e p breaths. N o w think of three n e w beliefs that would e m p o w e r you, that would truly e n h a n c e the quality of your life. You can stop for a few seconds to write these d o w n now. In your m i n d , look into a big, friendly mirror. I m a g i n e yourself acting as if these n e w beliefs were really true. H o w will your life be in five years now? In ten years? In twenty? C h a n g i n g beliefs allows behaviour to c h a n g e , and it changes quickest if y o u are given a capability or strategy to accomplish the task. You can also c h a n g e a person's belief through c h a n g i n g their behaviour, but this is not so reliable. S o m e people are never convinced by repeated experiences. T h e y see only disconnected coincidences. Beliefs are an important part of o u r personality, yet they are expressed in extraordinarily simple terms: if I do this . . . t h e n that will h a p p e n . I can . . . I can't . . . A n d these are translated into: I m u s t . . . I should . . . I m u s t not . . . T h e words b e c o m e c o m p e l l i n g . H o w do these words gain their power over us? L a n g u a g e is an essential part of the process we use to understand the world and express our beliefs. In the next chapter we take a closer look at the linguistic part of Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

CHAPTER

5 WORDS

AND

MEANINGS

'But " g l o r y " doesn't m e a n "a nice k n o c k - d o w n a r g u m e n t " , ' Alice objected. ' W h e n I use a word,' H u m p t y D u m p t y said in a rather scornful tone, 'it m e a n s just what I choose it to m e a n - neither more nor less.' ' T h e question is,' said Alice, 'whether you c a n make words m e a n different things.' ' T h e question is,' said H u m p t y D u m p t y , ' w h i c h is to be m a s t e r that's all.' Alice Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll T h i s is a chapter about the power of language. It is about m a k i n g sure you say what you m e a n , u n d e r s t a n d i n g as clearly as possible w h a t other people m e a n , and e n a b l i n g people to u n d e r s t a n d w h a t they m e a n . It is about r e - c o n n e c t i n g l a n g u a g e with experience. Words power to as every break up wars.

are cheap, the saying goes, they cost nothing, yet they have evoke images, s o u n d s and feelings in the listener or reader poet and advertising copywriter knows. T h e y can start or relationships, sever diplomatic relations, provoke Tights and

Words c a n put us into good or bad states, they are anchors for a c o m p l e x series of experiences. So the only answer to the question, 'What does a word really m e a n ? ' is, 'To w h o m ? ' L a n g u a g e is a tool of c o m m u n i c a t i o n and as such, words m e a n what people agree they m e a n . It is a shared way to c o m m u n i c a t e about sense experience. W i t h o u t it there w o u l d be no basis for society as we k n o w it. We rely on the intuitions of native speakers of the s a m e language, and on the fact that our sense experience is sufficiently similar for our

m a p s to have m a n y features in c o m m o n . W i t h o u t these, all conversations would be hopeless and we w o u l d all be H u m p t y D u m p t y communicators. But , . , we do not all share exactly the s a m e m a p . We each experience the world in a u n i q u e way. Words are inherently meaningless, as b e c o m e s clear w h e n y o u listen to a foreign l a n g u a g e that y o u do not understand. We give words m e a n i n g through their anchored associations to objects and experiences throughout our life. We do not all see the same objects or have the same experiences. T h e fact that other people do have different maps and m e a n i n g s adds richness and variety to life. We are likely to agree on the m e a n i n g of the words 'treacle tart' for we have shared the s a m e sight, smell and taste of it. But we will argue far into the night over the m e a n i n g of such abstract words as 'respect', 'love' and 'polities'. T h e possibilities for confusion are i m m e n s e . T h e s e words particularly, are like Rorschach ink blots, m e a n i n g different things to different people. T h i s is without even considering such things as lapses of attention, lack of rapport, clarity of presentation or m u t u a l inability to understand certain ideas. H o w do we know we understand s o m e o n e ? By giving their words m e a n i n g . O u r m e a n i n g . N o t their m e a n i n g . A n d there is no guarantee that the the two m e a n i n g s are the same. H o w do we make sense of the words we hear? H o w do we choose words to express ourselves? A n d how do words structure o u r experiences? T h i s gets to the heart of the linguistic part of NLP, Two people w h o say they like listening to m u s i c may find they have very little in c o m m o n w h e n they discover o n e is fond of Wagner's operas, while the other listens to hard rock. If I tell a friend I spent the day relaxing, he m i g h t picture me sitting in an armchair watching television all afternoon. If I actually h a d a g a m e of squash a n d a l o n g walk in the park, he may think I am crazy He may also w o n d e r how the s a m e word, relaxation, can be used to m e a n two such different things. No great issues are at stake in this example. M o s t of the time our m e a n i n g s are sufficiently close for an a d e q u a t e understanding. T h e r e are also instances w h e n it is very important to c o m m u n i c a t e very precisely, for example, in intimate relationships or in business agreements. You wilt want to be sure the other person shares your m e a n i n g , you will want to know as exactly as possible what a person m e a n s in her m a p , and you will w a n t her to be clear about what she means.

Words mean different things depending on your point of view,

THINKING

OUT

LOUD

L a n g u a g e is a powerful filter on o u r individual experience. It is part of the culture we are born into and cannot change. It c h a n n e l s o u r t h o u g h t s in particular directions, m a k i n g it easy to think in s o m e ways and difficult to think in others. T h e Eskimos have m a n y different words for o u r o n e English word, 'snow'. T h e i r life m a y d e p e n d on correctly identifying a certain type of snow. T h e y will want to distinguish b e t w e e n snow that can be eaten, snow that c a n be used to build, etc. C a n you i m a g i n e h o w the world would be different if you could distinguish d o z e n s of different varieties of snow? T h e H a n u o o peoples of N e w G u i n e a have a different n a m e for 92 varieties of rice; it is extremely important in their economy. I doubt if they have even o n e word for a hamburger, whereas we have at least a d o z e n . We also have over 50 different n a m e d m o d e l s of car. O u r l a n g u a g e makes fine distinctions in s o m e areas a n d not in others d e p e n d i n g on what is important in the culture. T h e world is as rich and varied as we wish to make it, and the l a n g u a g e we inherit plays a crucial part in directing our attention to s o m e parts of it and not others. Words are anchors for sense experience, but the experience is not the reality, and the word is not the experience. L a n g u a g e is thus two

removes from reality. To argue about the real m e a n i n g of a word is rather like arguing that o n e m e n u tastes better than another because you prefer the food that is printed on it. People w h o learn another l a n g u a g e nearly always report a radical c h a n g e In the way they think about the world.

MAKING

SENSE

OF W O R D S - THE

META

MODEL

G o o d c o m m u n i c a t o r s exploit the strengths and the weaknesses of language. T h e ability to use l a n g u a g e with precision is essential to any professional communicator. To be able to use the precise words that will have m e a n i n g in the other person's m a p , a n d to d e t e r m i n e precisely what a person m e a n s by the words he or she uses, are invaluable c o m m u n i c a t i o n skills. N L P has a very useful m a p of h o w l a n g u a g e operates which will save you from H u m p t y D u m p t y c o m m u n i c a t o r s , a n d will make sure you do not b e c o m e one yourself. T h i s m a p of l a n g u a g e is k n o w n as the M e t a M o d e l in N L P literature. T h e word 'meta' c o m e s from the Greek, and m e a n s over and beyond, or on a different level. T h e M e t a M o d e l uses l a n g u a g e to clarify language, it prevents you from d e l u d i n g yourself that you understand what words m e a n ; it reconnects l a n g u a g e w i t h experience. T h e M e t a M o d e l was o n e of the first patterns developed by J o h n G r i n d e r a n d R i c h a r d Bandier. T h e y noticed that two o u t s t a n d i n g therapists, Fritz Perls a n d Virginia Satir, tended to use certain types of question w h e n they were gathering information. J o h n and Richard set out to develop their insights about language, change a n d perception, and found they also h a d to create a vocabulary to describe them. T h e y thought a great failure of therapeutic training in the m i d d l e of the 1970s was that a person could get an a c a d e m i c education, start practising therapy and then have to re-invent the wheel, b e c a u s e there was no vocabulary for passing on the w i s d o m of the last generation to the new psychotherapists. T h i s all c h a n g e d in 1975 w i t h the appearance of The Structure of Magic 7, published by Science a n d Behaviour Books. It describes the M e t a M o d e l in detail, and contains m u c h of the material J o h n a n d Richard had obtained from m o d e l l i n g Fritz Perls a n d V i r g i n i a Satir. N o w people could benefit from the experience of gifted psychotherapists w h o had spent m a n y years discovering w h a t did and did not work. T h e book is dedicated to V i r g i n i a Satir.

SAYING

IT ALL - THE

DEEP STRUCTURE

To understand the M e t a M o d e l , which is a tool for g a i n i n g a fuller u n d e r s t a n d i n g of what people say, we n e e d to look at h o w thoughts are translated into words. L a n g u a g e c a n never do justice to the speed, variety and sensitivity of our thinking. It c a n only be an Ugh

Surface Structure

Deletion

1 T

° h

h u

g

Distortion

1

Thoughts

T

Generalisation

Deep Structure

Specific Thoughts

lb go from the deep structure, we generalize, change and leave out part of our ideas when we speak to others.

a p p r o x i m a t i o n . A speaker will have a c o m p l e t e a n d full idea of what he wishes to say; this is called the d e e p structure by linguists. T h e d e e p structure is not conscious. L a n g u a g e exists at a very d e e p level in our neurology. We shorten this d e e p structure to talk clearly and what we actually say is called the surface structure. If we did not shorten this d e e p structure, conversation would be terribly l o n g - w i n d e d and pedantic. S o m e o n e w h o asks you the way to the nearest hospital, is not g o i n g to thank y o u for giving h i m a reply involving transformational grammar. In order to go from the d e e p structure to the surface structure, we u n c o n s c i o u s l y do three things. Firstly, we will select only s o m e of the information available in the deep structure. A great deal will be left out. Secondly, we will give a simplified version which will inevitably distort the m e a n i n g . Thirdly, we will generalize. Spelling out all the possible exceptions and conditions w o u l d m a k e a conversation very tedious. T h e M e t a M o d e l is a series of questions that seek to reverse and unravel the deletions and distortions a n d generalizations of language. T h e s e questions aim to fill in the m i s s i n g information, reshape the structure and elicit specific information to make sense of the c o m m u n i c a t i o n . It is worth bearing in m i n d that n o n e of the following patterns are good or bad in themselves. It d e p e n d s on the context in w h i c h they are used and the c o n s e q u e n c e s of u s i n g t h e m .

UNSPECIFIED

NOUNS

Consider the sentence: The seven-year-old girl, Lara, Jell over a cushion in the living room and bruised her right hand on a wooden chair. And: The child had an accident. Both these sentences m e a n the s a m e thing, yet the first has m u c h m o r e specific information. We c a n reach the s e c o n d sentence from the first in easy stages by leaving out or generalizing the specific n o u n s . Also, both sentences are perfectly good English. G o o d g r a m m a r is no guarantee of clarity. M a n y people are adept at speaking at length in excellent English and leaving you n o n e the wiser afterwards.

T h e active subject of a sentence c a n be deleted by using the passive voice, saying for e x a m p l e , ' T h e h o u s e was built,' rather than 'X built the h o u s e . ' J u s t because you leave out the builders in the sentence does not m e a n the h o u s e s p r a n g up by itself. T h e builders still exist. T h i s type of deletion can imply a view of the world w h e r e you are a helpless spectator, and events just h a p p e n with no o n e responsible for them. So w h e n you hear the sentence, ' T h e h o u s e was built,' you can ask for the m i s s i n g information, ' Who built the house?' O t h e r e x a m p l e s where the n o u n s are not specified are: ' T h e y are out to get me.' 'Who is?' 'It's a matter of opinion.' ''What is?' ' T h e n e i g h b o u r h o o d has b e e n ruined,' 'Who ruined it?' 'Pets are a nuisance.' 'What pets?' T h e next gem comes from a two-year-old w h e n asked what h a p p e n e d to a bar of chocolate that was on the table. 'If people leave chocolate around, people eat it.' 'Which people?' U n s p e c i f i e d N o u n s are c l a r i f i e d b y a s k i n g : specifically . . .?'

UNSPECIFIED

'Who or what

VERBS

Alice was too m u c h puzzled to say anything so after a m i n u t e H u m p t y D u m p t y began again. ' T h e y ' v e a temper, s o m e of t h e m - particularly verbs, they're the proudest - adjectives you c a n do anything with, but not verbs - however I c a n m a n a g e the w h o l e lot! Impenetrability! T h a t ' s what I say!' Alice Through the Looking Gkss, Lewis Carroll S o m e t i m e s a verb will not be specified, for example: ' H e travelled to Paris.' 'She hurt herself.' 'She helped me." T am trying to r e m e m b e r it.' ' G o a n d learn this for next week.'

It could be important to know how these things were d o n e . We want the adverb. So, h o w d i d he travel? H o w did she hurt herself? H o w d i d she h e l p you? H o w are y o u trying to r e m e m b e r it? ( W h a t specifically are y o u trying to r e m e m b e r anyway?) H o w am I to learn this? U n s p e c i f i e d Verbs are c l a r i f i e d b y a s k i n g : ' H o w specifically . . .?'

COMPARISONS T h e next two e x a m p l e s of missing information are similar a n d often found together: j u d g e m e n t s and c o m p a r i s o n s . Advertisements are an excellent source of b o t h patterns. New, improved Ptuffo washing powder is better. T h e r e is a c o m p a r i s o n being m a d e here, but this is not m a d e clear. S o m e t h i n g cannot he better in isolation. Better than what? Better than it was before? Better than its competitors Buffo and Duffo? Better t h a n using treacle instead of w a s h i n g powder? Any sentence that uses words like 'best', 'better', 'worse', or 'worst' is m a k i n g a c o m p a r i s o n . You can only make a c o m p a r i s o n if you have s o m e t h i n g to c o m p a r e with. If that is missing, you will have to ask what it is. A n o t h e r e x a m p l e would be: I handled that meeting badly. Badly compared with what'' H o w y o u m i g h t have handled it? H o w J o e Bloggs w o u l d have h a n d l e d it? H o w s u p e r m a n m i g h t have handled It? Very often the deleted half of the c o m p a r i s o n is unrealistic. If you compare yourself with s u p e r m a n or s u p e r w o m a n , n o t e h o w badly you c o m e off in the c o m p a r i s o n , and then delete the standard of comparison. All you are left with is a feeling of inadequacy, and nothing you can do about it. C o m p a r i s o n s are c l a r i f i e d b y a s k i n g : 'Compared w i t h w h a t . . .?'

JUDGEMENTS J u d g e m e n t s are closely allied to c o m p a r i s o n s . If Fluffo is 'quite simply the best w a s h i n g powder m o n e y c a n buy', it w o u l d be interesting to know w h o s e o p i n i o n this is. T h e m a n a g i n g director of Fluffo? An opinion poll? J o e Bloggs? J u d g e m e n t s n e e d not involve c o m p a r i s o n s , although they often do. If s o m e o n e says, ' I ' m a selfish person,' you m i g h t ask, ' Who says?' If the answer is, 'I do!' then you m i g h t ask, 'By what standard do you judge yourself to be a selfish person?' So it is useful to know w h o is m a k i n g a j u d g e m e n t . It m i g h t c o m e from a childhood memory. Also, w h a t are the reasons for the j u d g e m e n t ? Are they good reasons? A r e they your reasons or have they b e e n i m p o s e d on you? H a s their date stamp expired now that you are an adult? J u d g e m e n t s often creep in on the coat tails of adverbs. C o n s i d e r this: 'Obviously, the m a n is an ideal candidate.' 'To whom is it obvious?' Very often adverbs e n d i n g in -)y will delete the person w h o is m a k i n g the j u d g e m e n t . Clearly, if you c a n paraphrase that sentence i n t o the form 'It is o b v i o u s . . .' then there is a deletion. It must be o b v i o u s to somebody. ( A n d w h o was it clear to?) J u d g e m e n t s are c l a r i f i e d b y a s k i n g : ' W h o i s m a k i n g this j u d g e m e n t , a n d o n w h a t g r o u n d s are t h e y m a k i n g i t ? '

N O M I N A L I Z AT I O N S T h e next pattern is w h e n a verb describing an o n g o i n g process has b e e n turned into a n o u n . T h i s is called a n o m i n a l i z a t i o n by linguists. R e a d the following sentence and think about what it m i g h t m e a n : Teaching and discipline, applied with respect send firmness are essentials in the process of education, A perfectly grammatical sentence c o n t a i n i n g a n o m i n a l i z a t i o n (in italics) virtually every other word. If a n o u n cannot be seen, heard, touched, smelt or tasted, in short, if it cannot be put in a wheelbarrow, it is a n o m i n a l i z a t i o n .

T h e r e is n o t h i n g w r o n g with nominalizations - they can be very useful - but they hide the biggest differences between people's m a p s of the world. Take 'education', for example. W h o is e d u c a t i n g w h o m , and w hat is the knowledge that is passing between t h e m ? r

Or 'respect'. W h o is respecting w h o m , and h o w are they d o i n g it? ' M e m o r y ' is an interesting example. W h a t does it m e a n to say you have a b a d m e m o r y ? To find out, you m i g h t ask w h a t specific information you have trouble m e m o r i z i n g , and how you go about m e m o r i z i n g it. Inside every n o m i n a l i z a t i o n y o u will find o n e or m o r e m i s s i n g n o u n s (in a m a n n e r of speaking) a n d an unspecified verb, A verb involves action or an o n g o i n g process. T h i s is lost if it is n o m i n a l i z e d and changed into a static n o u n . S o m e o n e w h o thinks he has a bad m e m o r y is stuck if he thinks about it in the s a m e way as h a v i n g a bad back. He is helpless. As George Orwell said, 'If thought corrupts language, l a n g u a g e can also corrupt thought.' To c o m e to believe that the external world is patterned by the way we talk about it is even worse t h a n e a t i n g the m e n u - it is eating the printing ink on the m e n u . Words c a n be c o m b i n e d and m a n i p u l a t e d in ways that have n o t h i n g to do with sensory experience. I can say pigs can fly, but this does not make it true. To think so is to believe in magic. N o m i n a l i z a t i o n s are the dragons of the M e t a M o d e l . T h e y c a u s e no trouble as long as y o u do not think they actually exist. T h e y delete so m u c h information that there is scarcely anything left. M e d i c a l conditions and diseases are interesting e x a m p l e s of n o m i n a l i z a t i o n s and this may explain w h y parents often feel they are helpless and lack choices. By turning processes into things, n o m i n a l i z a t i o n s m a y be the single most misleading l a n g u a g e pattern. A N o m i n a l i z a t i o n is c l a r i f i e d by t u r n i n g it i n t o a v e r b a n d a s k i n g for t h e m i s s i n g i n f o r m a t i o n : ' W h o i s n o m i n a l i z i n g a b o u t w h a t , a n d h o w t h e y are d o i n g i t ? '

MODAL

OPERATORS

OF

POSSIBILITY

T h e r e are rules of conduct b e y o n d w h i c h we believe we cannot or must not go. Words like 'cannot' and, 'must not' are k n o w n as m o d a l operators in linguistics - they set limits governed by u n s p o k e n rules. T h e r e are two m a i n types of modal operators: m o d a l operators of necessity and m o d a l operators of possibility.

M o d a l operators of possibility are the stronger of the two. T h e s e are 'can' and 'cannot', 'possible' a n d 'impossible'. T h e y define (in the speaker's m a p ) what is considered possible. Obviously, (I h o p e y o u recognize a j u d g e m e n t here - obvious to whom?) there are laws of nature. Pigs cannot fly, m a n cannot live without o x y g e n . However, limits set by a person's beliefs are quite different. 'I j u s t couldn't refuse,' or '1 am the way 1 am. I can't c h a n g e ' or, 'It's impossible to tell them the truth.' T h e r e is no problem if a person thinks he has s o m e capabilities, (unless this is obviously untrue or defies the laws of nature), it is 'cannot' that is limiting, T can't' is often taken as an absolute state of i n c o m p e t e n c e , not a m e n a b l e to change. Fritz Perls, the originator of Gestalt therapy, used to respond to clients w h o said, 'I can't . . .' by saying, ' D o n ' t say I can't, say I won't!' T h i s rather ferocious reframe i m m e d i a t e l y shifts the client's stuck state to a state of being able to at least acknowledge the possibility of choice. A clearer question (and o n e less likely to break rapport) is, 'What would happen if you did?' or, 'What stops you?' or, 'How do you stop youself?' W h e n s o m e o n e says he can't do s o m e t h i n g , he has set up an o u t c o m e and t h e n put it out of reach. T h e question, ' W h a t stops y o u ? ' puts the e m p h a s i s on the o u t c o m e again a n d sets to work to identify t h e barriers as a first step to getting past t h e m . Teachers and therapists work with c h a n g i n g these sorts of limitations and the first step is to question the m o d a l operator. Teachers c o m e up against this every day w h e n students say they can't understand or always get work w r o n g . Therapists h e l p clients to break through their limitations. If a person says, T can't relax', she must have s o m e idea of what relaxation is like or h o w d o e s she know she is not d o i n g it? Take the positive goal ( w h a t you could d o ) , and discover what is preventing it b e i n g realized, ( w h a t stops y o u ) , or carefully e x a m i n e the c o n s e q u e n c e s , ( w h a t would h a p p e n if you did). It is these c o n s e q u e n c e s and barriers that have b e e n deleted. A n d on critical e x a m i n a t i o n they may turn out to be less formidable than you think. M o d a l O p e r a t o r s of P o s s i b i l i t y — 'I c a n ' t ' — are c l a r i f i e d by a s k i n g : ' W h a t w o u l d h a p p e n i f y o u d i d . . . ? ' or, ' W h a t prevents you . , ,?'

MODAL

OPERATORS

OF

NECESSITY

M o d a l operators of necessity involve a n e e d and are indicated by the use of words like, 'should' and 'should not', ' m u s t ' and 'must not , 'ought' and 'ought not'. T h e r e is s o m e rule of conduct operating, but the rule is not explicit. W h a t are the consequences, real or i m a g i n e d , of breaking the rule? T h e s e are brought i n t o the o p e n by asking, 'What would happen if you did, or did not, do this?' 1

'I m u s t always put other people first.' 'What would happen if you did not?' T m u s t not talk in class.' 'What would happen if you did?' 'I ought to learn these M e t a M o d e l categories.' 'What would happen if you did not?' 'You shouldn't talk to those people.' 'What would happen if you did?' 'You should wash your h a n d s before meals.' 'What would happen if you did not?' O n c e these c o n s e q u e n c e s a n d reasons are m a d e explicit they can be thought over and critically evaluated, otherwise they j u s t limit choice and behaviour. R u l e s of conduct are obviously important and society survives on a code of morals, but there is a world of difference b e t w e e n 'You should be honest in your business dealings' and, 'You should go to the c i n e m a more often.' S h o u l d and shouldn't often attract moral j u d g e m e n t s they do not deserve. Discoveries are only m a d e by asking, 'What would happen if. . .?'. . , I kept sailing west? . . . I could travel at the speed of light? . . . I allowed penicillin to grow? . . . T h e earth went round the sun? T h i s question is the basis of the scientific m e t h o d . E d u c a t i o n can easily b e c o m e a ghastly minefield of m o d a l operators, c o m p a r i s o n s and j u d g e m e n t s . T h e whole concept of standards a n d testing and w h a t children should or should not be able to do is so v a g u e as to be useless, or worse, so restricting as to be crushing. If I tell a child, 'You should be able to do this,' I am only stating my belief. I cannot sensibly answer the reasonable question, 'WTiat w o u l d h a p p e n if I d o n ' t ? '

As far as capabilities are concerned, it is very m u c h easier to think in terms of w h a t a person c a n or cannot do t h a n w h a t he or she s h o u l d and should not be able to do. U s i n g 'should' on the level of capabilities is usually taken as a rebuke; you ought to be able to do s o m e t h i n g , but cannot, so a quite unnecessary feeling of failure is introduced. U s i n g 'should' in this way either on yourself or others is an excellent way of conjuring up instant guilt (because a rule is broken), by creating an artificial gap b e t w e e n expectation and reality. Is the expectation realistic? Is the rule a useful or appropriate one? ' S h o u l d ' is often an angry b l a m i n g response from s o m e o n e w h o is not directly a d m i t t i n g his anger n o r his expectations, nor is he taking responsibility for them. M o d a l O p e r a t o r s of N e c e s s i t y - 'I m u s t a ' t / I h a v e t o ' - are clarified by asking: 'What w o u l d h a p p e n if you d i d / d i d n ' t . . .?'

UNIVERSAL

QUANTIFIERS

A generalization is w h e n o n e e x a m p l e is taken as the representative of a n u m b e r of different possibilities. If we did not generalize, we would have to do things over and over again, and to think of all possible exceptions and qualifications would be t o o t i m e c o n s u m i n g . We sort our knowledge into general categories, but we gain k n o w l e d g e in t h e first place by c o m p a r i n g a n d evaluating difference, and it is important to continue sorting for difference, so generalizations can be c h a n g e d if necessary. T h e r e are times w h e n we n e e d to be specific and thinking in generalizations is woolly and inaccurate. Each case needs to be taken on its merits. T h e r e is a d a n g e r of not seeing the trees for the w o o d if a whole diverse chunk of experience is l u m p e d together under o n e heading. B e i n g willing to admit exceptions allows you to be more realistic. D e c i s i o n s do not have to be all or nothing. T h e person w h o thinks he is always right is a bigger m e n a c e than o n e w h o thinks he is always w r o n g . At worst, this can m e a n prejudice, n a r r o w - m i n d e d n e s s and discrimination. Generalizations are linguistic fluff that clogs the works of clear c o m m u n i c a t i o n . Generalizations are m a d e by taking a few instances as representing a w h o l e group, so they usually contain generalized n o u n s a n d unspecified verbs. M a n y o f these M e t a M o d e l categories overlap. T h e vaguer the statement, the m o r e likely it is to include several patterns.

Generalizations are usually expressed by words like 'all', 'every', 'always', 'never' a n d 'none'. T h e s e words admit no exceptions, and are known as universal quantifiers. In s o m e cases they are absent but implied, e.g. T think computers are a waste of time', or 'Pop m u s i c is rubbish.' S o m e other e x a m p l e s would be. 'Indian food tastes terrible.' 'All generalizations are wrong.' ' H o u s e s are too expensive.' 'Actors are interesting people.' Universal quantifiers are paradoxically limiting. E x t e n d i n g a statement to cover all possibilities, or deny all possibilities, makes an exception difficult to spot. A perceptual filter, or self-fulfilling prophecy is created - you will see and hear w h a t you expect to see and hear. Universal quantifiers are not always wrong. T h e y c a n be factual; night always follows day, and apples never fall upwards. T h e r e is a big difference b e t w e e n this sort of statement a n d o n e like, T never do anything right.' For s o m e o n e to believe this, he must notice only the times w h e n he was w r o n g , and forget or discount all the times he was right. N o - o n e can consistently get everything wrong. S u c h perfection does not exist. He has limited his world by the way he talks about it. Successful and confident people tend to generalize the opposite way. T h e y believe they usually do things right, except in isolated instances. In other words, they believe they have the capability. For e x a m p l e , to question the universal quantifier in '/ NEVER do anything right!', seek the exception: 'You NEVER do anything right?' 'Canyou think of any time that you did do something right?' R i c h a r d Bandier tells the story of a client w h o c a m e to h i m for therapy about a lack of self-confidence (a nominalization). He started by asking her, 'Was there ever a time w h e n you have b e e n selfconfident?' 'No.' 'You m e a n to say you have never in your w h o l e life been selfconfident?' ' T h a t ' s right.' ' N o t even o n one occasion?' 'No.' 'You're sure?*

' O h , absolutely!' T h e s e c o n d way you can question this kind of generalization is by exaggerating to bring out its absurdity. So in reply to, 'I'D never be able to understand NLP,' you m i g h t say, 'You're right. It's obviously m u c h t o o difficult for you to understand. W h y not give up now? It's hopeless; the rest of your life isn't long e n o u g h to m a s t e r it.' T h i s will usually bring a response on the lines of, 'Alright, alright, I'm not that stupid.' If you do question the generalization by exaggerating forcibly e n o u g h , the person w h o m a d e it will often e n d up d e f e n d i n g the opposite view. You feed back its absurdity. He will b e c o m e more moderate if you o c c u p y his e x t r e m e position more forcefully than he does. U n i v e r s a l Q u a n t i f i e r s are q u e s t i o n e d b y a s k i n g for a c o u n t e r e x a m p l e : ' H a s there ever b e e n a t i m e w h e n . . . ? '

COMPLEX

EQUIVALENCE

A complex equivalence is w h e n two S t a t e m e n t s are linked in such a way that they are t a k e n to m e a n the s a m e t h i n g , for example, 'You are not smiling . . . you are not enjoying yourself.' A n o t h e r e x a m p l e would be, 'If you don't look at me w h e n I ' m talking to you, then you are not p a y i n g attention.' T h i s accusation is often levelled at others by p r e d o m i n a n t l y visual thinkers, w h o n e e d to look up at the speaker to understand w h a t he is saying. A person w h o thinks m o r e kinesthetically will w a n t to look d o w n to process w h a t he hears. T h i s , to a visual person, is not p a y i n g attention, b e c a u s e if he were to look down, he c o u l d not pay attention. He has generalized his o w n experience to include everyone else and has forgotten that p e o p l e t h i n k i n different w a y s .

C o m p l e x Equivalences can be questioned by asking: ' H o w d o e s this m e a n t h a t ? '

PRESUPPOSITIONS We all have beliefs and expectations from o u r personal experience; it is impossible to live without t h e m . Since we have to make s o m e

assumptions, they m i g h t as well be o n e s that allow us freedom, choice and fun in the world, rather than o n e s that limit us. You often get what you expect to get. Basic a s s u m p t i o n s that limit choice may n e e d to be brought out into the o p e n . T h e y are often disguised as 'why' questions. ' W h y can't you look after me properly?' presupposes that you do not look after the person properly. If y o u attempt to answer the question directly, you are lost before you begin. 'Are you going to wear your green or your red pyjamas to go to b e d ? ' is an example of the trick of offering choice in o n e area, only if the more important presupposition is accepted, in this case, going to bed. It can be challenged by asking, 'What leads you to believe that I am going to bed?' S e n t e n c e s c o n t a i n i n g the words, 'since', 'when', and 'if ', usually contain a presupposition, a n d so does a n y t h i n g after such verbs as 'realize', ' b e aware', or 'ignore', e.g. 'Realize why we place so m u c h i m p o r t a n c e on the individual.' O t h e r e x a m p l e s of presuppositions are: ' W h e n you get smart, you'll understand this.' {You are not smart.) 'You're not going to tell me another lie?' {You have told me a lie already.) ' W h y don't you smile m o r e ? ' (Ku don't smile enough.) 'You are as stupid as your father.' {Yourfather is stupid.) 'I will try hard at this work.' {This work is difficult.) ' M y d o g h a s a cockney accent.' {My dog can talk.) A presupposition is b o u n d to have other M e t a M o d e l patterns that will n e e d sorting out. ( S o y o u think I do not smile e n o u g h ? H o w m u c h is e n o u g h ? In w h a t circumstances do y o u expect me to smile?) Presuppositions can be brought into the o p e n by asking: ' W h a t l e a d s y o u t o b e l i e v e that . . . ? ' a n d f i l l i n g i n t h e presupposition.

CAUSE

AND

EFFECT

'You just make me feel bad. I can't help it.' T h e English l a n g u a g e encourages thinking in terms of cause and effect. Active subjects typically do things to passive objects, but this is a gross simplification. T h e r e is a d a n g e r of thinking of people as billiard balls, following the laws of cause a n d effect. ' T h e sunshine makes the flowers grow' is a

shorthand way of expressing an extremely c o m p l e x relationship. T h i n k i n g in causes explains n o t h i n g but simply invites the question, 'How?' Even so, there is a world of difference b e t w e e n saying, ' T h e w i n d made the tree b e n d ' and 'You m a d e me feel angry.' To believe that s o m e o n e else is responsible for your e m o t i o n a l state is to give t h e m a sort of psychic power over you they do not have. Examples of this sort of distortion would be: 'You bore me.' {You make me feel bored.) ' I ' m glad because you've g o n e away.' (You going away makes me feel glad.) ' T h e weather gets me down.' {The weather makes me feel down.) O n e person does not have direct control over another person's emotional state. T h i n k i n g that you can force people to experience different .states of mind, or that other people can force you into different m o o d s is very limiting, and causes a great deal of distress. B e i n g responsible for the feelings of others is a h e a v y burden. You will have to take exaggerated and unnecessary care in w h a t you say and d a W i t h cause and effect patterns y o u b e c o m e either the victim o r the n u r s e m a i d of others. T h e word ' b u t ' very often implies cause a n d effect by introducing a reason why a person feels c o m p e l l e d not to do s o m e t h i n g : 'I would help you but I ' m t o o tired.' 'I would take a vacation, b u t the firm would fall to pieces w i t h o u t me.' T h e r e are two levels to q u e s t i o n i n g c a u s e a n d effect. O n e response is to simply ask how exactly o n e thing causes the other. A description of how this h a p p e n s will often o p e n up n e w choices of how to respond. However, this still leaves the fundamental cause a n d effect belief intact, a belief that is very strongly rooted In our culture, n a m e l y that other people have power over, a n d are responsible for, our internal e m o t i o n a l states. However, we really do generate o u r o w n feelings. No o n e else can do it for us. We respond and are responsible. To think other people are responsible for o u r feelings is to inhabit a billiard ball, inanimate universe. T h e feelings we generate in response to other people's actions are often the result of a synesthesia. We h e a r or see s o m e t h i n g and respond with a feeling. It s e e m s as if the link is automatic. T h e M e t a M o d e l question that will address the basic cause effect a s s u m p t i o n of a statement like ' H e makes me feel angry' is, ' H o w exactly do y o u make yourself feel a n g r y at what he says?' T h i s builds

in the idea that the person has s o m e choice in his or h e r emotional response. It is not easy to a s s u m e responsibility for o n e ' s own feelings, so use this type of question only w h e n y o u have very g o o d rapport. It can be very challenging. C a u s e a n d Effect c a n b e q u e s t i o n e d b y a s k i n g : ' H o w e x a c t l y d o e s this c a u s e t h a t ? ' o r ' W h a t w o u l d h a v e t o h a p p e n for t h i s not to be caused by that?' T o q u e s t i o n t h e C a u s e a n d Effect belief, ask: ' H o w e x a c t l y d o y o u m a k e y o u r s e l f feel o r r e s p o n d l i k e t h a t t o w h a t y o u s a w or heard?'

MIND

READING

A person mind reads w h e n he presumes to know, without direct evidence, what another is thinking or feeling. We do it often. It is s o m e t i m e s an intuitive response to s o m e non-verbal clues that we have noticed on an u n c o n s c i o u s level. Often it is pure hallucination, or what we ourselves would think or feel in that situation: we project our own u n c o n s c i o u s thoughts a n d feelings, and experience t h e m as c o m i n g from the other person. It is always the miser w h o experiences other people as m e a n . People w h o m i n d read usually feel they are right, but this does not guarantee they are. W h y guess w h e n you can ask? T h e r e are two m a i n types of m i n d reading. In the first type a person presumes to know what another is thinking. E x a m p l e s : 'George 'I could T know ' H e was

is u n h a p p y ' tell she did not like the present I gave her.' w h a t makes him tick.' angry but he wouldn't a d m i t it.'

T h e r e n e e d s to be good sensory-based evidence for attributing thoughts, feelings and o p i n i o n s to others. You m i g h t say, ' G e o r g e is depressed,' but it m i g h t be m o r e useful to say, ' G e o r g e is looking d o w n to his right, his face m u s c l e s are slack and his breathing is shallow. T h e corners of his m o u t h are turned d o w n and his shoulders are slumped.' T h e second type of m i n d reading is a mirror of the first and gives other people the power to read your m i n d . T h i s can then be used to

b l a m e t h e m for not understanding you w h e n you think they should. For example: 'If you liked me you w o u l d k n o w what I wanted.* 'Can't you see how I feel?' ' I ' m upset y o u did not consider my feelings.' 'You s h o u l d know that I like that.' A person using this pattern will not c o m m u n i c a t e d e a r l y to others what she wants; the others are p r e s u m e d to k n o w anyway. T h i s can lead to s o m e first class quarrels. T h e way to question m i n d reading is to ask how specifically do they know w h a t you were thinking. Or, in projected m i n d reading, how specifically were you supposed to know how they felt. W h e n y o u seek to clarify m i n d reading by asking, 'How do you know?', the answer is usually s o m e belief or generalization. For example: 'George does not care about me any more.' 'How do you know that George does not care about you any more?' 'Because he never does what I say' So in the speaker's m o d e l of the world, 'doing what I say', e q u a l s 'caring for me'. T h i s is a questionable a s s u m p t i o n to say the least. It is a c o m p l e x equivalence and invites the questions, ' H o w exactly d o e s caring about s o m e o n e m e a n d o i n g what they say? If you care about s o m e o n e , do you always do what they say?' M i n d Reading is questioned by asking: ' H o w exactly do you know , . .?'

The Meta Model reconnects language with experiences, and can be used for: 1. 2. 3. 4.

G a t h e r i n g Information. Clarifying m e a n i n g s . Identifying limitations. O p e n i n g up choices.

T h e M e t a M o d e l is an extremely powerful tool in business, therapy a n d education. T h e basic presupposition b e h i n d it is that people make different m o d e l s of the world and you cannot a s s u m e that you know what words m e a n . r

Firstly, it enables you to gather high quality information w h e n it

is important to understand exacdy what people m e a n . If a client c o m e s to a therapist c o m p l a i n i n g of depression, the therapist n e e d s to find out, in the client's model, what this m e a n s , rather than a s s u m i n g (quite wrongly) that he knows exactly what the client m e a n s . In business, m o n e y can be wasted if a m a n a g e r m i s u n d e r s t a n d s instructions. H o w m a n y times do y o u h e a r the sad cry, 'But I thought you m e a n t . . .' W h e n a student says he always gets g e o m e t r y problems w r o n g , you c a n find out if there was ever a time he got o n e right, a n d also, precisely how he m a n a g e s to get g e o m e t r y p r o b l e m s w r o n g so consistently. T h e r e are no 'why?' questions in the M e t a M o d e l . ' W h y ' questions have little value, at best they get justifications or long e x p l a n a t i o n s w h i c h do n o t h i n g to c h a n g e the situation. Secondly, the M e t a M o d e l clarifies m e a n i n g s . It gives a systematic framework for asking, ' W h a t exactly do you m e a n ? ' Thirdly, the M e t a M o d e l gives choices. Beliefs, universals, n o m i n a l i z a t i o n s a n d rules all set limits. A n d the limits exist in the words, not in the world. Q u e s t i o n i n g and finding out the c o n s e q u e n c e s or exceptions c a n o p e n up large areas of life. L i m i t i n g beliefs are identified and c h a n g e d . W h i c h M e t a M o d e l pattern you question will d e p e n d on the context of the c o m m u n i c a t i o n a n d y o u r o u t c o m e . Consider the following sentence: 'Why don't these awful people stop always trying to help me, it makes me even angrier; I know I should keep my temper, but I can't.' T h i s contains m i n d reading and presupposition (they are trying to a n n o y m e ) , cause and effect (makes), universal quantifiers (always), j u d g e m e n t s (awful), c o m p a r i s o n s (angrier), m o d a l operators of possibility and necessity (should, can't), unspecified verbs (trying and help), n o m i n a l i z a t i o n ( t e m p e r ) , a n d unspecified n o u n s (people, it). In this sort of e x a m p l e , the m i n d reading, presuppositions a n d causality fuel all the others. Sorting these out would be the first step towards change. T h e n o m i n a l i z a t i o n , unspecified verbs a n d unspecified n o u n s are the least important. T h e rest, generalizations, universal quantifiers, j u d g e m e n t s , c o m p a r i s o n s and m o d a l operators, c o m e s o m e w h e r e in the middle. A more general strategy would be to specify t h e key n o u n s , t h e n the key verbs, t h e n sort out the distortions with a priority override if any m o d a l operators c o m e up. R e m e m b e r

that y o u c a n never specify all the deletions. Practise w i t h t h e M e t a M o d e l and you will start to get a feel for w h a t is important to question. T h e M e t a M o d e l is a powerful way of gathering information, clarifying m e a n i n g s and identifying limits in a person's thinking. It is particularly useful to get the desired state of s o m e o n e w h o is dissatisfied. W h a t would he rather have? W h e r e would he rather be? H o w would he rather be feeling? Q u e s t i o n s are also interventions, A good question can take a person's m i n d in a c o m p l e t e l y n e w direction and c h a n g e his life. For e x a m p l e , ask yourself frequently, ' W h a t is the most useful question to ask now?' T h e r e is also a very real d a n g e r of getting too m u c h information w h e n you use the M e t a M o d e l . You n e e d to ask yourself, ' D o I really n e e d to know this? 'What is my o u t c o m e ? ' It is important o n l y to use these M e t a M o d e l questions within a context of rapport and a m u t u a l l y agreed o u t c o m e . R e p e a t e d questions c a n be experienced as aggressive, and the challenges n e e d not be so direct. R a t h e r than asking, ' H o w specifically do you k n o w that?' y o u m i g h t say, ' I ' m c u r i o u s to k n o w exactly how you k n e w that?' Or, 'I don't exactly META MODEL PATTERN

QUESTION

Deletions Unspecified N o u n Unspecified Verb

' W h o or w h a t specifically . . .?' ' H o w specifically is this

Comparison Judgement Nominalization

happening?' ' C o m p a r e d with w h a t ? ' W h o says . . .?' ' H o w is this being d o n e ? '

Generalizations M o d a l O p e r a t o r of Possibility M o d a l O p e r a t o r of Necessity Universal Quantifier

1

' W h a t prevents you . . .?' ' W h a t w o u l d h a p p e n if you did/didn't . . .?' 'Always? Never? Everyone?'

Distortions

C a u s e and Effect

' H o w d o e s this m e a n that?' ' W h a t leads you to believe that . . .?' ' H o w exactly do y o u make yourself

Mind Reading

do this . . .?' ' H o w do you know . . .?'

C o m p l e x Equivalence Presupposition

understand h o w y o u know that.' Conversations do not have to be cross examinations. You can use polite and soft voice tones to soften the question. Robert Dilts tells how he was in a linguistics class at the University of S a n t a C r u z in the early 1970s, where J o h n Grinder taught the M e t a M o d e l in o n e two-hour period. It was on a T h u r s d a y w h e n he turned the class loose to practise the M e t a M o d e l . T h e following Tuesday half the class came in looking extremely dejected. T h e y h a d alienated their lovers, their teachers and their friends, cutting t h e m to pieces with the M e t a M o d e l . R a p p o r t is the first step in any N L P pattern. U s e d without sensitivity and rapport, the M e t a M o d e l b e c o m e s M e t a M a y h e m , M e t a M u d d l e and M e t a Misery, You can often ask a question elegantly and precisely For e x a m p l e a person m i g h t say, (looking u p ) , ' M y j o b just isn't working out.' You m i g h t reply, 'I w o n d e r h o w y o u would see y o u r j o b if it was O K ? ' O n e very useful way to use the M e t a M o d e l is to use it on your o w n internal dialogue. T h i s can have m o r e effect than a t t e n d i n g years of seminars about how to think clearly. A good strategy for learning to use the M e t a M o d e l is to pick o n e or two categories, and spend a week simply n o t i c i n g e x a m p l e s tn everyday conversation. T h e next week pick s o m e different categories. As you b e c o m e m o r e familiar and practised at seeing the patterns, you might construct a silent question in your m i n d . Finally, w h e n you have an idea of the patterns and the questions you could start to use t h e m in appropriate situations. T h e M e t a M o d e l also relates to the logical levels. T h i n k about the statement: T can't do that here.' T is the person's identity. 'can't' relates to their belief. 'do' expresses their capability. 'that' indicates a behaviour. 'here' is the environment. You could challenge this statement on a n u m b e r of grounds. O n e way of starting would be to think about which logical level you want to work on. Also, the person m a y give you a clue about w h a t is the most important part of the statement by tonally e m p h a s i z i n g o n e of the words. T h i s is k n o w n as tonal marking. If he says, T can't do that here' then you could go for the m o d a l

operator by asking, ' W h a t prevents y o u ? ' If he says, T can't do that here', you might ask, ' W h a t specifically?' N o t i c i n g what words a person e m p h a s i z e s through voice tone or body l a n g u a g e is o n e way of k n o w i n g which M e t a M o d e l pattern to question. A n o t h e r strategy would be to listen to the person talking for a few m i n u t e s and notice which category he uses the most. T h i s is likely to indicate where his thinking is limited a n d a question there could be the best way to start. In an everyday context, the M e t a M o d e l gives you a systematic way of gathering information, when you need to know more precisely what a person m e a n s . It is a skill that is well worth learning.

Language can limit our world

'Would y o u tell m e , please,' said Alice, 'what that m e a n s ? ' ' N o w you talk like a reasonable child,' said H u m p t y D u m p t y , l o o k i n g very m u c h pleased. 'I m e a n t by " i m p e n e t r a b i l i t y " that w e ' v e h a d e n o u g h of that subject, and it w o u l d be j u s t as well if y o u ' d m e n t i o n w h a t you m e a n to do next, as I suppose you d o n ' t i n t e n d to stop h e r e all the rest of y o u r life.' Alice Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll

CHAPTER

6 UPTIME

AND

DOWNTIME

So far we have concentrated on the importance of sensory acuity, keeping the senses o p e n and noticing the responses of people around you. T h i s state of t u n i n g the senses to the outside world is k n o w n as Uptime in N L P terms. However, there are also states that take us deeper into our own m i n d , o u r own reality. Break off from this book for a m o m e n t and r e m e m b e r a time w h e n you were d e e p in t h o u g h t . . . You probably had to go d e e p in thought to remember. You would have focused inwards, feeling, seeing and hearing inwardly T h i s is a state we are all familiar with. T h e m o r e d e e p l y you go in, the less y o u are aware of outside stimuli; d e e p in thought is a g o o d description of this state, k n o w n as Downtime in N L P . Accessing cues take you into d o w n t i m e . W h e n e v e r you ask a n y o n e to go inside to visualize, hear s o u n d s and have feelings, you are asking h i m to go into d o w n t i m e . D o w n t i m e is where you go to daydream, to plan, to fantasize and create possibilities. In practice we are s e l d o m c o m p l e t e l y in u p t i m e or d o w n t i m e ; o u r everyday consciousness is a mixture of pardy internal a n d partly external awareness. We turn the senses outwards or inwards d e p e n d i n g on the circumstances we are in. It is useful to think of mental states as tools for d o i n g different things. Playing a g a m e of chess involves a radically different state of m i n d to eating. T h e r e is no such thing as a w r o n g state of m i n d , but there are c o n s e q u e n c e s . T h e s e c o u l d be catastrophic, if, for e x a m p l e , you try to cross a b u s y street in the state of m i n d you use to go to sleep - u p t i m e is most definitely the best state to use for crossing the road - or laughable, if you try to say a t o n g u e twister while in the state of m i n d brought on by too m u c h alcohol. Often you do not do s o m e t h i n g well b e c a u s e you are not in the right state. You will not play

a good g a m e of tennis if you are in the state of m i n d you use to play chess. You can access u n c o n s c i o u s resources directly by i n d u c i n g and using a t y p e of d o w n t i m e k n o w n as trance. In trance y o u b e c o m e VAKOG •* Interna] Attention in Downtime Daydream Trance

VAKOG External Attention out Uptime Sport D r i v i n g a car

deeply involved in a limited focus of attention. It is an altered state from your habitual state of consciousness. Everybody's experience of trance will be different, b e c a u s e everybody starts from a different normal state, d o m i n a t e d by their preferred representational systems. M o s t of the work on trance and altered states has been d o n e in a psychotherapy setting, for all therapies use trance to s o m e extent. T h e y all access u n c o n s c i o u s resources in different ways. A n y o n e freeassociating on an analyst's couch is well into d o w n t i m e , and so is s o m e o n e w h o is role playing in Gestalt therapy. H y p n o t h e r a p y uses trance explicitly. A person goes into therapy b e c a u s e he has run out of conscious resources. He is stuck. He d o e s not know what he n e e d s or where to find it. Trance offers an opportunity to resolve the p r o b l e m b e c a u s e it bypasses the c o n s c i o u s m i n d and makes u n c o n s c i o u s resources available. M o s t c h a n g e takes place at the unconscious ievel and work their way up. T h e conscious m i n d is not n e e d e d to initiate c h a n g e s and often does not notice t h e m anyway. T h e ultimate goal of any therapy is for the client to b e c o m e resourceful again in his or her o w n right. Everyone h a s a rich personal history, filled with experience and resources that c a n be drawn o n . It contains all the material n e e d e d to make c h a n g e s , if only you can get at it. O n e of the reasons that we use s u c h a small part of our possible mental capacity c o u l d be that our education system places so m u c h e m p h a s i s on external testing, standardized achievements and m e e t i n g other people's goals. We get little training in utilizing our u n i q u e internal abilities. M o s t of o u r individuality is u n c o n s c i o u s . Trance is the ideal state of m i n d to explore and recover our u n i q u e internal resources.

THE MILTON MODEL ' T h a t ' s a great deal to m a k e o n e word mean,' Alice said in a thoughtful tone. ' W h e n I m a k e a word do a lot of work like that,' said H u m p t y D u m p t y , 'I always pay it extra.' Alice Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll Gregory B a t e s o n was enthusiastic about The Structure of Magic 1, w h i c h c o n t a i n e d the M e t a M o d e l . He saw great potential in the ideas. He told J o h n and R i c h a r d , ' T h e r e ' s a strange old g u y d o w n in P h o e n i x , A r i z o n a . A brilliant therapist, but n o b o d y knows what he's doing, or how he does it. W h y don't you go a n d find o u t ? ' Bateson had known this 'strange old guy', M i l t o n Erickson, for 15 years, and he set up an a p p o i n t m e n t for them to m e e t Erickson, J o h n and R i c h a r d worked with M i l t o n Erickson in 1974 w h e n he was widely regarded as the foremost practitioner of hypnotherapy. He was the f o u n d i n g president of the A m e r i c a n Society for Clinical H y p n o s i s , a n d travelled extensively g i v i n g seminars and lectures as well as working in private practice. He had a world-wide reputation as a sensitive a n d successful therapist, and was f a m o u s for his acute observation of non-verbal behaviour. J o h n a n d Richard's study gave rise to two books. Patterns of Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H Erickson ybiume I was published by M e t a Publications in 1975. Volume 2, co-written with J u d i t h DeLozier, followed in 1977. T h e books are as much about their perceptual filters as Erickson's m e t h o d s , although Erickson did say that the books were a far better explanation of his work than he himself could have given. A n d that was a fine c o m p l i m e n t . J o h n G r i n d e r has said that Erickson was the single most important mode) that he ever built, b e c a u s e Erickson o p e n e d the doorway not just to a different reality, but to a whole different class of realities. H i s work with trance a n d altered states was astonishing, a n d J o h n ' s thinking u n d e r w e n t a profound rebalancing. N L P underwent a rebalancing too. T h e M e t a M o d e l was about precise m e a n i n g s . Erickson used l a n g u a g e in artfully vague ways so that his clients c o u l d take the m e a n i n g that was most appropriate for t h e m . He induced and utilized trance states, e n a b l i n g individuals to overcome p r o b l e m s and discover their resources. T h i s way of using l a n g u a g e b e c a m e known as the M i l t o n M o d e l , as a c o m p l e m e n t and contrast to the exactness of the M e t a M o d e l . T h e M i l t o n M o d e l is a way of using l a n g u a g e to i n d u c e and

m a i n t a i n trance in order to contact the h i d d e n resources of o u r personality. It follows the way the m i n d works naturally. Trance is a state w h e r e you are highly motivated to learn from your u n c o n s c i o u s in an inner directed way. It is not a passive state, n o r are you u n d e r another's influence. T h e r e is co-operation b e t w e e n client and therapist, the client's responses letting the therapist know w h a t to do next. Erickson's work was based on a n u m b e r of ideas shared by m a n y sensitive a n d successful therapists. T h e s e are n o w presuppositions of N L P . H e respected t h e client's u n c o n s c i o u s m i n d . H e assumed there was a positive intention b e h i n d even the m o s t bizarre behaviour, and that individuals make the best choices available to t h e m at the time. He worked to give t h e m more choices. He also a s s u m e d that at s o m e level, individuals already have all the resources they n e e d to make changes. T h e M i l t o n M o d e l is a way of using l a n g u a g e to: 1. Pace a n d lead the person's reality. 2. Distract and utilize the c o n s c i o u s mind. 3. Access the u n c o n s c i o u s a n d resources,

PACING

AND

LEADING

M i l t o n Erickson was masterful at gaining rapport. He respected and accepted his clients' reality. He a s s u m e d that resistance was d u e to lack of rapport. To h i m , all responses were valid and could be used. To Erickson, there were no resistant clients, only inflexible therapists. lb pace s o m e o n e ' s reality, to tune into their world, all you need do is to s i m p l y describe their o n g o i n g sensory experience: what they m u s t be feeling, hearing a n d seeing. It will be easy and natural for t h e m to follow what you are saying. H o w you talk is important. You will best i n d u c e a peaceful inward state by speaking slowly, u s i n g a soft tonality, and pacing y o u r speech to the person's breathing. Gradually suggestions are introduced to lead t h e m gracefully i n t o d o w n t i m e by directing their attention inwards. Everything is described in general t e r m s so it accurately reflects the person's experience. You w o u l d not say, ' N o w y o u will close your eyes a n d feel comfortable and go into a trance.' Instead you m i g h t say, 'It's easy to close y o u r eyes w h e n e v e r y o u w i s h to feel m o r e comfortable . . .

m a n y people find it easy and comfortable to go into a trance.' T h e s e sort of general c o m m e n t s cover any response, while gently introducing the trance behaviour. A loop is set up. As the client's attention is constantly focused and riveted on a few stimuli, he goes d e e p e r into d o w n t i m e . H i s experiences b e c o m e more subjective, and these are fed back by the therapist to d e e p e n the trance. You do not tell a person what to do, you draw his attention to what is there. H o w can y o u possibly k n o w what a person is thinking? You cannot. T h e r e is an art to using l a n g u a g e in ways that are v a g u e e n o u g h for the client to make an appropriate m e a n i n g . It is a case not so m u c h of telling h i m what to think, but of not distracting h i m from the trance state. T h e s e sort of suggestions will be most effective if the transitions between sentences are smooth. For e x a m p l e , you might say s o m e t h i n g like, 'As you see the coloured wallpaper in front of you . . , the patterns of light on the walls . . . while you b e c o m e aware of your breathing . . . the rise and fall of your chest . . . the comfort of the chair . . . the weight of your feet on the floor . , , and you can hear the sounds of, the children playing outside . . . while y o u listen to the sound of my voice and begin to w o n d e r . , . h o w far you have entered trance . . . already' Notice the words 'and', 'while' and 'as' in the e x a m p l e as they smoothly link the now of suggestions, while you m e n t i o n s o m e t h i n g that is occurring (the sound of your voice) and link it to s o m e t h i n g that you want to occur (going into trance). N o t using transitions makes j u m p y sentences. T h e y will be detached from e a c h other. T h e n they are less effective. I hope this is clear. Writing is like speech. S m o o t h or staccato. W h i c h do you prefer? A person in a trance is usually still, the eyes are usually closed, the pulse is slower and the face relaxed. T h e blinking and swallowing reflexes are normally slower or absent, and the breathing rate is slower. T h e r e is a feeling of comfort and relaxation. T h e therapist will either use a prearranged signal to bring the client out of trance, or lead them out by what he says, or the person m a y s p o n t a n e o u s l y return to normal consciousness if his u n c o n s c i o u s thinks this is appropriate.

THE

SEARCH

FOR

MEANING

T h e M e t a M o d e l keeps you in u p t i m e . You do not have to go inside your mind searching for the m e a n i n g of what you hear, you ask the

speaker to spell it out specifically. T h e M e t a M o d e l recovers information that h a s b e e n deleted, distorted or generalized. T h e M i l t o n M o d e l is the mirror i m a g e of the M e t a M o d e l , it is a way of constructing sentences rife with deletions, distortions and generalizations. T h e listener must fill in the details a n d actively search for the m e a n i n g of what he hears from his own experience. In other words y o u provide context with as little content as possible. You give h i m the frame and leave h i m to c h o o s e the picture to put in it. W h e n the listener provides the content, this ensures he makes the most relevant and i m m e d i a t e m e a n i n g from w h a t you say. I m a g i n e being told that in the past you have had an important experience. You are not told what it was, you must search back through time and select an experience that s e e m s m o s t relevant to you now. T h i s is d o n e at an u n c o n s c i o u s level, o u r conscious m i n d is m u c h too slow for the task. So a sentence like, 'People c a n make learnings,' is going to evoke ideas about what specific learnings I can make, and if I am working on a particular problem those learnings are b o u n d to relate to questions I am pondering. We make this kind of search all the t i m e to make sense of what others tell us, a n d it is utilized to the full in trance. Ail that matters is the m e a n i n g that the client makes, the therapist n e e d not know. It is easy to make up artfully vague instructions so that a person can pick an appropriate experience and learn from it. Ask h i m to pick s o m e important experience in his past, a n d go through it again in all internal senses to l e a m s o m e t h i n g n e w from it. T h e n ask his unconscious to use this learning in future contexts where it could be useful.

DISTRACTION AND C O N S C I O U S MIND

UTILIZATION

OF

THE

An important part of the M i l t o n M o d e l is leaving out information, and so keeping the conscious m i n d b u s y filling the gaps from its store of m e m o r i e s . H a v e you ever had the experience of reading a vague question and trying to work out w h a t it could m e a n ? N o m i n a l i z a t i o n s delete a great deal of information. As you sit w i t h a jetting of ease and comfort, your understanding of the potential of this sort of language is growing, for every nominalization in this sentence is in italics. T h e less that is m e n t i o n e d specifically, the less risk of a clash

w i t h the other person's experience. Verbs are left unspecified. As y o u think of the last t i m e you heard s o m e o n e communicate u s i n g unspecified verbs, you m i g h t remember the feeling of confusion you experienced, a n d h o w you have to search for your own m e a n i n g to make sense of this sentence. In the s a m e vay n o u n phrases can be generalized or left out completely. It is well known that people can read books a n d make changes. (Well known by w h o m ? W h i c h people, w h a t books a n d how will they make these changes? A n d what will they c h a n g e from, and what will they c h a n g e to?) J u d g e m e n t s can be used, 'It is really g o o d to see h o w relaxed you are.' C o m p a r i s o n s also have deletions. 'It is better to go into a d e e p e r trance? Both c o m p a r i s o n s and j u d g e m e n t s are g o o d ways of delivering presuppositions. T h e s e are powerful ways of i n d u c i n g and utilizing trance. You presuppose what you do not want questioned. For example: 'You m a y wonder w h e n y o u will go into a trance.' Or, 'Would you like to enter trance n o w or later?' (You will go into a trance, the only question is w h e n . ) T w o n d e r if you realize how relaxed you are?' (You are relaxed.) ' W h e n your hand rises that will be the signal you have been waiting for.' (Your h a n d will rise and you are waiting for a signal.) 'You can relax while your u n c o n s c i o u s learns.' (Your unconscious is learning.) ' C a n you enjoy relaxing and not h a v i n g to r e m e m b e r ? ' (You are relaxed and will not remember.) Transitions (and, as, w h e n , during, while) to link statements are a mild form of cause and effect. A stronger form is to use the word 'make', e.g. ' L o o k i n g at that picture will make you go into a trance? I am sure y o u are curious to know how m i n d reading c a n be woven into this m o d e ! of using language. It must not be too specific, or it may not fit. General statements about what the person m a y be thinking act to pace a n d t h e n lead their experience. For e x a m p l e , 'You might w o n d e r w h a t trance will be like,' or, 'You are b e g i n n i n g to w o n d e r about s o m e of the things I am saying to you.' Universal quantifiers are u s e d too. E x a m p l e s are: 'You c a n learn from every situation,' and, ' D o n ' t y o u realize the u n c o n s c i o u s always has a purpose?'

M o d a l operators of possibility are also useful. 'You can't understand how looking at that light puts you d e e p e r into trance.' T h i s also presupposes that looking at the light d o e s d e e p e n the trance. 'You can't o p e n your eyes,' would be t o o direct a suggestion, and invites the person to disprove the statement. 'You c a n relax easily in that chair,' is a different example. To say you can do s o m e t h i n g gives permission without forcing any action. Typically people will respond to the suggestion by d o i n g the permitted behaviour. At the very least, they will have to think about it.

LEFT

AND

RIGHT

BRAIN

HEMISPHERES

H o w d o e s the brain process l a n g u a g e a n d h o w d o e s it deal with these artfully v a g u e forms of language? T h e front part of the brain, the cerebrum, is divided into two halves or hemispheres. Information passes between them through the c o n n e c t i n g tissue, the corpus callosum. E x p e r i m e n t s which m e a s u r e d the activity in b o t h h e m i s p h e r e s for different tasks have s h o w n they have different but c o m p l e m e n t a r y functions. T h e left h e m i s p h e r e is c o m m o n l y known as the d o m i n a n t hemisphere and deals with language. It processes information in an analytical, rational way. T h e right side, known as the n o n - d o m i n a n t h e m i s p h e r e deals with information in a more holistic and intuitive w a y It also s e e m s to be m o r e involved in melody, visualization and tasks involving c o m p a r i s o n and gradual change. T h i s specialization of the h e m i s p h e r e s holds true for over 90 per cent of the population. For a small minority (usually left-handed people) it is reversed and the right h e m i s p h e r e deals with language. S o m e people have these functions scattered over both h e m i s p h e r e s . T h e r e is evidence that the n o n - d o m i n a n t h e m i s p h e r e also has l a n g u a g e abilities, mostly simple m e a n i n g s and childish grammar. T h e d o m i n a n t h e m i s p h e r e has b e e n identified with the c o n s c i o u s mind, and the n o n - d o m i n a n t with the unconscious, but this is too simple. It is useful to think of our left brain dealing with our conscious understanding of l a n g u a g e and the right brain d e a l i n g w i t h simple m e a n i n g s , in an innocent way below our level of awareness. M i l t o n M o d e l patterns distract the conscious mind by keeping the d o m i n a n t h e m i s p h e r e overloaded. M i l t o n Erickson c o u l d speak in such a c o m p l e x and multi-layered way that all the seven plus or m i n u s two c h u n k s of c o n s c i o u s attention were e n g a g e d searching for possible

m e a n i n g s and sorting out ambiguities. T h e r e are m a n y ways of u s i n g language to confuse a n d distract the left h e m i s p h e r e . A m b i g u i t y is o n e such m e t h o d . W h a t you say can be soundly a m b i g u o u s . Like the last sentence. D o e s 'soundly' here m e a n definitely or phonetically? Hear, it m e a n s the latter, and it's a good e x a m p l e of o n e word carrying two m e a n i n g s . A n o t h e r e x a m p l e would be, ' W h e n you experience insecurity . . . (In security?)' T h e r e are m a n y words that have different m e a n i n g s but s o u n d the s a m e . . . there/they're . . . nose/knows. It is difficult to right/write phonological ambiguity. A n o t h e r form of a m b i g u i t y is called syntactic, for example, 'Fascinating people can be difficult.' D o e s this m e a n the people are fascinating, or is it difficult to fascinate people? T h i s sort of a m b i g u i t y is constructed by using a verb plus 'ing' and m a k i n g a sentence where it is not clear w h e t h e r it serves as an adjective or a verb. A third type is called p u n c t u a t i o n ambiguity. As you read this sentence is an e x a m p l e of punctuation ambiguity. Two sentences run together that b e g i n and e n d with the same word(s). I hope you can hear you are reading this book. All these forms of l a n g u a g e take s o m e time to sort out and they fully e n g a g e the left hemisphere.

ACCESSING

THE U N C O N S C I O U S

AND

RESOURCES

T h e right h e m i s p h e r e is sensitive to voice tone, v o l u m e and direction of sound: ail those aspects that c a n change gradually rather than the actual words which are separate from e a c h other. It is sensitive to the context of the message, rather than the verbal content. As the right h e m i s p h e r e is capable of u n d e r s t a n d i n g simple l a n g u a g e forms, simple messages that are given s o m e special e m p h a s i s will go to the right brain. S u c h messages will bypass the left brain, and will seldom be consciously recognized. T h e r e are m a n y ways to give this sort of e m p h a s i s . You can mark out portions of what y o u say with different voice tones or gestures. T h i s can be used to mark out instructions or questions for u n c o n s c i o u s attention. In books this is d o n e by u s i n g italics. W h e n an author wishes to phase you and wants you to read s o m e t h i n g on this page, a particular sentence, very carefully, he will mark it out in italics. D i d you get the message e m b e d d e d in it? In the s a m e way words can be marked out in a particular voice t o n e for special attention to form a c o m m a n d that is e m b e d d e d in the

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speech. Erickson, w h o was confined to a wheelchair for part of his life, was adept at m o v i n g his h e a d to make parts of w h a t he said c o m e from different directions. For example, ' R e m e m b e r you don't have to close your eyes to go into a trance.' He would mark out the e m b e d d e d c o m m a n d by m o v i n g his head w h e n he said those words in italics. M a r k i n g out important words w i t h voice and gesture is an e x t e n s i o n of w h a t we do naturally all the t i m e in normal conversation. T h e r e is a good analogy with music. M u s i c i a n s mark out important notes in the (low of the m u s i c in various ways to make a tune. T h e listener may not notice this consciously if the notes are far apart and the intervening material is diverting, but it all adds to his pleasure and appreciation. He does not need to be aware of the performer's device. You can e m b e d questions in longer sentences in the s a m e way. 'I w o n d e r if you know which of your hands is warmer than the other?' T h i s also contains a presupposition. It is not a direct question, but it will typically result in the person checking his hands for warmth. I w o n d e r if you fully appreciate what a gentle and elegant way to gather information this pattern is? T h e r e is an interesting pattern k n o w n as quotes. You can say anything if you first set up a context where it is not really you saying it. T h e easiest way to do this is by telling a story where s o m e o n e says the message you want to convey, and mark it out in s o m e way from the rest of the story I am r e m i n d e d of a t i m e w h e n we did a s e m i n a r on these patterns. O n e of the participants c a m e up to us afterwards, and we asked him d u r i n g the course of the conversation if he had heard of the quotes pattern. He said, 'Yes. It was funny how that h a p p e n e d . I was walking d o w n a street a couple of weeks ago and a c o m p l e t e stranger c a m e up to me and said, "Isn't this quotes pattern interesting?" ' Negatives fit into these patterns. Negatives exist only in language, not experience. Negative c o m m a n d s work just like positive c o m m a n d s . T h e u n c o n s c i o u s m i n d does not process the linguistic negative a n d simply disregards it. A parent or teacher w h o tells a child not to do s o m e t h i n g is ensuring the child will do it again. Tell a tightrope walker, 'Be careful!' not ' D o n ' t slip'.' W h a t y o u resist persists b e c a u s e it still has your attention. T h i s b e i n g so, we would not want y o u to consider how m u c h better a n d m o r e effective your c o m m u n i c a t i o n would be if it were phrased positively . . . T h e last pattern we will deal with here is called conversational postulates.

T h e s e are questions that literally only require a y e s / n o answer, yet actually draw a response. For example, ' C a n you take out the garbage?' is not a literal request about y o u r physical capability to do this task, but a request to do so. O t h e r e x a m p l e s are: 'Is the d o o r still o p e n ? ' (Shut the door.) 'Is the table set?' (Set the table.) T h e s e patterns are used all the time in normal conversation and we all respond to them. If y o u know about t h e m , you c a n be more selective where you use them, and have more choice about whether you react to t h e m . B e c a u s e these patterns are so c o m m o n , J o h n Grinder and R i c h a r d Bandier w o u l d contradict each other in public seminars. O n e would say, ' T h e r e is no such thing as hypnosis,' the other, ' N o ! everything is hypnosis.' If hypnosis is just another word for multi-layered, influential c o m m u n i c a t i o n , it m a y be that we are all hypnotists and we are constantly m o v i n g in and out of trance . . . now . . .

METAPHOR T h e word m e t a p h o r is used in N L P in a general way to cover any story or figure of speech i m p l y i n g a c o m p a r i s o n . It includes simple c o m p a r i s o n s or similes, and longer stories, allegories and parables. M e t a p h o r s c o m m u n i c a t e indirectly. S i m p l e m e t a p h o r s make simple comparisons: as white as a sheet, as pretty as a picture, as thick as two short planks. M a n y of these sayings b e c o m e cliches, b u t a g o o d simple m e t a p h o r can illuminate the u n k n o w n by relating it to what you already know. C o m p l e x m e t a p h o r s are stories with m a n y levels of m e a n i n g . Telling a story elegantly distracts the conscious m i n d and activates an unconscious search for m e a n i n g and resources. As such, it is an excellent way of c o m m u n i c a t i n g with s o m e o n e in a trance. Erickson m a d e extensive use of metaphors with his clients. T h e u n c o n s c i o u s appreciates relationships. D r e a m s make use of imagery and metaphor; o n e thing stands for another because they have s o m e feature in c o m m o n . To create a successful metaphor, one that will point the way towards resolving a problem, the relationships b e t w e e n the e l e m e n t s of the story n e e d to be the s a m e as the relationships b e t w e e n the e l e m e n t s of the problem. T h e n the m e t a p h o r will resonate in the u n c o n s c i o u s a n d mobilize the resources

there. T h e unconscious gels the m e s s a g e and starts to make the necessary changes. Creating a m e t a p h o r is like c o m p o s i n g music, and metaphors affect us in the same way m u s i c does. A t u n e consists of notes in a relationship, it can be transposed higher or lower a n d will still be the s a m e tune, provided the notes still have the s a m e relationships to e a c h other, the s a m e distances b e t w e e n t h e m , as they had in the original tune. At a d e e p e r level, these notes c o m b i n e to make chords, and a s e q u e n c e of chords will have certain relationships to each other. Musical rhythm is how long different notes last relative to each other. M u s i c is meaningful in a different way to language. It goes straight to the u n c o n s c i o u s , the left brain has n o t h i n g to catch on to. Allegro

con

brio

'Once upon a time ..."

Creating a metaphor is like composing music. Like good music, good stories must create expectation and then satisfy it in s o m e way consistent with the style of the composition. T h e 'with a b o u n d he was free' type of solutions are not allowed. Fairy tales are metaphors. ' O n c e upon a time . . .' locates t h e m in inner time. T h e information that follows is not useful real world information, but inner world process information. Story-telling is an age old art. Stories entertain, give knowledge, express truths, give hints of possibilities and potential beyond habitual ways of acting.

Creating a Metaphor Story telling needs the skills of the M i l t o n M o d e l and more. Pacing and leading, synesthesias, anchoring, trance, and smooth transitions are all needed to make a g o o d story. T h e plot must be ( p s y c h o l o g i c a l and match the listener's experience.

To create a helpful story, first e x a m i n e the person's present state a n d desired state. A m e t a p h o r will be a story of the j o u r n e y from o n e to the other. Present State

' O n c e u p o n a time . . .'

Desired State

. . and they lived happily ever after.'

Sort out the e l e m e n t s of both states, the people, the places, the objects, activities, time, not forgetting the representational systems and submodalities of the various elements. Next, choose an appropriate context for the story, o n e that will interest the other person, and replace all the e l e m e n t s in the problem with different elements, but hold the relationships the same. Plot the story so that it has the same form as the present state and leads through a c o n n e c t i n g strategy to a resolution (the desired state). T h e story-line beguiles the left brain and the message goes to the unconscious. Perhaps I c a n illustrate this process with an e x a m p l e , even t h o u g h the printed word loses tonality, congruity a n d the M i l t o n M o d e l patterns of the storyteller. I w o u l d not, of course, try to tell a m e t a p h o r that was relevant to y o u , the reader. T h i s is an e x a m p l e of the process of m a k i n g a metaphor. O n c e I was w o r k i n g with a person w h o was expressing c o n c e r n about the lack of balance in his life. He was finding it difficult to decide the important issues in the present, and was worried about devoting a lot of e n e r g y to s o m e projects and little to others. S o m e of his enterprises seemed ill-prepared to h i m , and others overprepared. T h i s r e m i n d e d me of w h e n I was a y o u n g boy. I was learning to play the guitar and s o m e t i m e s I was allowed to stay up late to entertain guests by playing to t h e m over supper. My father was a film actor and m a n y h o u s e h o l d n a m e s used to eat and talk Tar into the night about all sorts of subjects at those parties, I used to enjoy these times and 1 got to m e e t m a n y interesting people. O n e night, one of my father's guests was a fine actor, renowned for his skill both in films and on the stage. He was a particular hero of m i n e , and I enjoyed listening to h i m talk. Late in the evening, another guest asked h i m the secret of his extraordinary skill. 'Well,' said the actor, 'funnily e n o u g h I learned

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Introducing Neuro-Linguistic frograrnmmg

a lot by asking s o m e o n e the very s a m e question in my youth. As a boy, I loved the circus - it was colourful, noisy, extravagant and exciting. I i m a g i n e d I w a s out there in the ring u n d e r the lights, a c k n o w l e d g i n g the roar of the crowd. It felt marvellous. O n e of my heroes was a tight-rope walker in a f a m o u s travelling circus c o m p a n y ; he h a d extraordinary balance and grace on the high wire. I m a d e friends w i t h h i m o n e s u m m e r , I was fascinated by his skill and the aura of d a n g e r about h i m , he rarely used a safety net. O n e afternoon in late summer, I was sad, for the circus was going to leave our t o w n the next d a y I sought out my friend and we talked into the dusk. At that time, all I w a n t e d w a s to be like him; I wanted to j o i n a circus, I asked h i m what was the secret of his skill, "First," he said, "I see each walk as the most important one of my life, the last one I will do, I want it to be the best. I plan e a c h walk very carefully. M a n y things in my life I do from habit, but this is not o n e of them. I am careful w h a t I wear, w h a t I eat, how I look. I mentally rehearse each walk as a success before I do it, w h a t I will see, what I will hear, h o w I will feel. T h i s way I will get no unpleasant surprises. I also put myself in place of t h e audience, and i m a g i n e w h a t they will see, h e a r and feel. I do all my thinking beforehand, d o w n on the ground. W h e n I am up on t h e wire I clear my m i n d and put all my attention out." ' T h i s was not exactly w h a t I wanted to hear at the time, a l t h o u g h strangely e n o u g h , I always remember w h a t he said. "You think I don't lose my balance?'" he asked m e . " I ' v e never seen y o u lose your balance," I replied. "You're w r o n g , " he said. 'T am always losing my balance. I simply control it within the b o u n d s I set myself. I c o u l d n ' t walk the rope unless I lost my balance all the time, first to o n e side and t h e n to the other. Balance is not s o m e t h i n g y o u have like the clowns have a false nose, it is the state of controlled m o v e m e n t to and fro. W h e n I have finished my walk, I review it to see if there is anything I c a n learn from it. T h e n I forget it completely." 'I apply the s a m e principles to my acting,' said my hero. Finally we w o u l d like to leave y o u with a story from The Magus, by J o h n Fowles. T h i s lovely story says a lot about NLP, but remember, it's only o n e way of talking about it. We leave it to e c h o in your unconscious.

THE

PRINCE

AND

THE

MAGICIAN

O n c e u p o n a t i m e there was a y o u n g prince w h o believed in all things but three. He did not believe in princesses, he did not believe in islands, he did not believe in G o d . H i s father, the king, told h i m that such things d i d not exist. As there were no princesses or islands in his father's d o m a i n s , and no sign of G o d , the y o u n g prince believed his father. B u t then, o n e day, the prince ran away from his palace. He c a m e to the next land. T h e r e , to his a s t o n i s h m e n t , from every coast he saw islands, and on these islands, strange and troubling creatures w h o m he dared not name. As he was searching for a boat, a m a n in full e v e n i n g dress approached h i m a l o n g the shore. 'Are those real islands?* asked the y o u n g prince. ' O f course they are real islands,' said the m a n in e v e n i n g dress. 'And those strange and troubling creatures?' 'They are all g e n u i n e and authentic princesses? ' T h e n G o d also m u s t exist!' cried the prince. 'I am God,' replied the m a n in full e v e n i n g dress, with a bow. T h e y o u n g prince returned h o m e as quickly as he could. ' S o you are back,' said his father, the king. T have s e e n islands, I have seen princesses, I have seen God,* said the prince reproachfully. T h e k i n g was u n m o v e d . ' N e i t h e r real islands, nor real princesses, nor a real G o d , exist.' 'I saw t h e m ! ' 'Tell me h o w G o d was dressed.' ' G o d was in full e v e n i n g dress.' 'Were the sleeves of his coat rolled back?' T h e prince r e m e m b e r e d that they had b e e n . T h e k i n g smiled. 'That is the uniform of a m a g i c i a n . You have b e e n deceived.' At this, the prince returned to the next land, and went to the same shore, where once again he c a m e u p o n the m a n in full evening dress. ' M y father, the king, has told me w h o you are,' said the y o u n g prince i n d i g n a n t l y 'You deceived me last time, but not again. N o w I know that those are not real islands and real princesses, because you are a magician.' T h e m a n o n the shore smiled. 'It is you w h o are deceived, my boy. In your father's k i n g d o m there are m a n y islands a n d m a n y princesses. B u t y o u are u n d e r

your father's spell, so you c a n n o t see them.' T h e prince returned pensively h o m e . W h e n he saw his father, he looked h i m in t h e eyes. 'Father, is it true that you are not a real king, but only a magician?' T h e king smiled and rolled back his sleeves. 'Yes my son, I am only a magician.' ' T h e n the m a n on the shore was God.' ' T h e m a n on the shore was another magician.' 'I m u s t know the real truth, the truth b e y o n d m a g i c ' ' T h e r e is no truth beyond magic,' said the king. T h e prince was full of sadness. He said, T will kill myself.' T h e k i n g by m a g i c caused d e a t h to appear. D e a t h stood in the door and b e c k o n e d to the prince. T h e prince s h u d d e r e d . He r e m e m b e r e d the beautiful b u t unreal islands and the unreal but beautiful princesses. 'Very well,' he said. 'I can b e a r it.' 'You see, my son,' said the king, 'you too now begin to be a magician.' From The Magus © John Fowles, published by Jonathan Cape, 1977.

REFRAMING AND OF MEANING

THE

TRANSFORMATION

T h e r e is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. William Shakespeare M a n k i n d has always searched for m e a n i n g . Events h a p p e n , but until we give t h e m m e a n i n g , relate them to the rest of our life, a n d evaluate the possible c o n s e q u e n c e s , they are not important. We learn what things m e a n from o u r culture a n d individual upbringing. To ancient peoples, astronomical p h e n o m e n a h a d great m e a n i n g , c o m e t s were portents of change, the relationship of the stars and planets influenced individual destinies. N o w scientists do not take eclipses and comets personally. T h e y are beautiful to s e e and confirm the universe still obeys the laws we have m a d e up For it. What does a rainstorm m e a n ? B a d n e w s if you are out in the o p e n without a raincoat. G o o d news if you are a farmer a n d there h a s b e e n a drought. Bad news if you are t h e organizer of an o p e n air party.

G o o d news if your cricket t e a m is close to defeat and the match is called off. T h e m e a n i n g of any event d e p e n d s on the frame y o u put it in. W h e n you c h a n g e the frame, you also c h a n g e the m e a n i n g . W h e n the m e a n i n g changes so do y o u r responses and behaviour. T h e ability to reframe events gives greater freedom and choice. O n e person we k n e w well fell and injured his knee quite badly. T h i s was painful, and m e a n t he could not play squash, a g a m e he enjoyed very m u c h . He framed the accident as an opportunity rather than a limitation, consulted a n u m b e r of doctors and physiotherapists, and found out how the muscles and ligaments of the knee worked. Fortunately, he did not need surgery. He devised an exercise p r o g r a m m e for himself and six m o n t h s later his knee was stronger than it had b e e n , and he was fitter and healthier too. He corrected the postural habits that had led to his knee b e c o m i n g weak in the first place. Even his squash improved. H u r t i n g his knee was very useful. M i s f o r t u n e is a point of view. M e t a p h o r s are reframing devices. T h e y say in effect, "This could m e a n that . , ,' Fairy tales are beautiful e x a m p l e s of reframes. W h a t seems to be unlucky turns out to be helpful. An ugly duckling is a y o u n g swan. A curse is really a blessing in disguise. A frog can be a prince. A n d if whatever you t o u c h turns to gold, you are in big trouble. Inventors make reframes. T h e r e is the well-known e x a m p l e of the m a n w h o woke o n e night with the sharp e n d of a rusty spring in his old mattress digging into him. W h a t possible use could an old bedspring have? {Besides depriving h i m of sleep.) He reframed it as a stylish e g g c u p and started a successful c o m p a n y on the strength of the idea.

A pain in the back

An egg-cup

Jokes are reframes. Nearly all jokes start by setting events in a certain frame and then suddenly and drastically c h a n g i n g it. J o k e s involve taking an object or situation a n d putting it suddenly in a different context, or suddenly g i v i n g it another m e a n i n g . W h y do anarchists drink herbal tea? (Answer at end of chapter.)

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Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming

Sleight

of M o u t h

H e r e are s o m e statement:

Patterns examples

of different viewpoints

on

the

same

'My job is going badly and I feel depressed.' Generalize: Perhaps you're just feeling d o w n generally, your j o b is O K . Apply to self: M a y b e you are m a k i n g yourself depressed by thinking that. Elicit values or criteria: W h a t is important about y o u r j o b that y o u think is going w r o n g ? Positive outcome: It c o u l d make you work harder to get over this particular problem. Change outcome: Perhaps you n e e d to c h a n g e j o b s . Setting a further outcome: C a n you learn s o m e t h i n g useful from the way your j o b is going at the m o m e n t ? Tell a metaphor: It's a bit like learning to walk . . . Redefine: Your depression might m e a n you are feeling angry because your j o b is m a k i n g unreasonable d e m a n d s on you. Sup down: W h i c h particular parts of y o u r j o b are going badly? Step up: H o w are things generally? Counter examples: H a s your work ever g o n e badly without you b e i n g depressed? Positive intention: T h a t shows you care about your j o b . Time frame: It's a phase, it will pass. R e f r a m i n g is not a way of looking at the world through rose-coloured spectacles, so that everything is 'really' good. P r o b l e m s will not vanish of their own accord, they still have to be worked through, but the m o r e ways you have of looking at t h e m , the easier they are to solve. Reframe to see the possible gain, and represent an experience in ways that support your o w n o u t c o m e s and those you share with others. You are not free to choose w h e n you see yourself p u s h e d by forces beyond your control. Reframe so you have s o m e r o o m to m a n o e u v r e . T h e r e are two m a i n types of reframe: context and content.

Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming

CONTEXT

129

REFRAMING

Nearly all behaviours are useful somewhere. T h e r e are very few w h i c h do not have value and purpose in some context. Stripping off your clothes in a crowded high street will get you arrested, but in a nudist c a m p you m i g h t be arrested if you do not. B o r i n g your audience in a s e m i n a r is not r e c o m m e n d e d , but the ability is useful for getting rid of u n w e l c o m e guests. You will not be popular if y o u tell bizarre lies to your friends and family, but y o u will be if you use y o u r i m a g i n a t i o n to write a fictional bestseller. W h a t about indecision? It m i g h t be useful if you could not make up your m i n d w h e t h e r to lose your t e m p e r . . . or not . , . and t h e n forget all about it. C o n t e x t reframing works best on statements like, ' I ' m too . . ,' Or, T wish I could stop d o i n g . . .' Ask yourself: ' W h e n would this behaviour be useful?' ' W h e r e would this behaviour be a resource?' W h e n you find a context where the behaviour is appropriate, you could mentally rehearse it in just that context, a n d make up fitting behaviour in the original context. T h e N e w B e h a v i o u r G e n e r a t o r can be helpful here. If a behaviour looks odd from the outside, it is usually b e c a u s e the person is in d o w n t i m e and has set up an internal context which d o e s not m a t c h the world outside. Transference in psychotherapy is an example. T h e patient responds to the therapist in the same way that he or she responded to parents m a n y years ago. W h a t was appropriate for a child is no longer useful to the adult. T h e therapist m u s t reframe the behaviour, and help the patient develop other ways of acting.

CONTENT

REFRAMING

T h e content of an experience is whatever you choose to focus o n . T h e m e a n i n g can be whatever you like. W h e n the two-year-old daughter of o n e of the authors asked h i m what it m e a n t to tell a lie, he explained in grave, fatherly tones (taking d u e account of h e r age and understanding), it m e a n t saying s o m e t h i n g that was not true on purpose, to make s o m e o n e else think s o m e t h i n g was right w h e n it wasn't. T h e little girl considered this for a m o m e n t a n d her face lit up. ' T h a t ' s funf she said. 'Let's do it!' T h e next few m i n u t e s were spent telling each other o u t r a g e o u s lies.

C o n t e n t reframing is useful for statements like, 'I get angry w h e n people make d e m a n d s on me.* Or, T panic w h e n I have a deadline to meet.' N o t i c e that these types of statement use cause-effect M e t a M o d e l violations. Ask yourself: ' W h a t else could this m e a n ? ' ' W h a t is the positive value of this behaviour?' ' H o w else could I describe this behaviour? 1

Politics is the art of content reframing par excellence. G o o d e c o n o m i c figures can be taken as an isolated e x a m p l e s h o w i n g up an overall downward trend, or, as an indication of prosperity, d e p e n d i n g on w h i c h side of the H o u s e of C o m m o n s you sit. H i g h interest rates are bad for borrowers, but good for savers. Traffic j a m s are an awful nuisance if you are stuck in one, but they have b e e n described by a government minister as a sign of prosperity. If traffic congestion were eliminated in L o n d o n , he was reported as saying, this w o u l d m e a n the d e a t h of the capital as a j o b centre. 'We are not backwards.'

retreating,'

said a general,

'We

are

advancing

Advertising a n d selling are other areas w h e r e reframing is very important. Products are put in the best possible light. Advertisements are instant frames for a product. D r i n k i n g this coffee means that you are sexy, using this w a s h i n g powder means that you care about y o u r family, using this bread means that you are intelligent. Reframing is so pervasive you will see e x a m p l e s wherever you look. S i m p l e reframes are unlikely to make a drastic c h a n g e , but if they are delivered congruendy, perhaps with a metaphor, and bring in important issues to that person, they can be very effective.

INTENTION

AND

BEHAVIOUR

At the heart of reframing is the distinction b e t w e e n behaviour and intention: what you do, a n d w h a t you are actually trying to achieve by d o i n g it. T h i s is a crucial distinction to make w h e n dealing with any behaviour. O f t e n w h a t y o u do does not get you what you want. For e x a m p l e , a w o m a n m a y constantly worry about her family. T h i s is h e r way of s h o w i n g she loves a n d cares for t h e m . T h e family see it as n a g g i n g and resent it. A m a n m a y seek to demonstrate his love for his family by working very long hours. T h e family m a y w i s h he

spent m o r e t i m e with t h e m , e v e n if it m e a n t h a v i n g less s p e n d i n g money. S o m e t i m e s behaviour does get you what you want, but does not fit in well with the rest of y o u r personality. For e x a m p l e an office worker m a y flatter and h u m o u r the boss to get a rise, but hate h i m s e l f for d o i n g it. O t h e r times you actually may not know w h a t a behaviour is trying to achieve, it just s e e m s a nuisance. T h e r e is always a positive intention b e h i n d every behaviour, why else would you do it? Everything you do is fashioned towards s o m e goal, only it may be out of date. A n d s o m e behaviours ( s m o k i n g is a g o o d e x a m p l e ) , achieve m a n y different o u t c o m e s . T h e way to get rid of unwanted behaviours is not to try and stop t h e m with will-power. T h i s will guarantee they persist b e c a u s e you are g i v i n g t h e m attention and energy. F i n d another, better way to satisfy the intention, o n e that is more attuned to the rest of y o u r personality. You do not rip out the gas lights until y o u have installed electricity, unless you want to be left in the dark. We contain multiple personalities living in uneasy alliance under the s a m e skin. Each part is trying to fulfil its o w n o u t c o m e . T h e m o r e these can be aligned a n d work together in h a r m o n y the happier a person will be. We are a m i x t u r e of m a n y parts, and they often conflict. T h e balance shifts constantly, it makes life interesting. It is difficult to be totally congruent, totally c o m m i t t e d to o n e course of action, a n d the m o r e important the action, the m o r e parts of o u r personality have to be involved. H a b i t s are difficult to give up. S m o k i n g is b a d for the body, but it d o e s relax you, o c c u p y your h a n d s a n d sustain friendships with others. G i v i n g up s m o k i n g without a t t e n d i n g to these other n e e d s leaves a v a c u u m . To q u o t e M a r k Twain, ' G i v i n g up s m o k i n g is easy, I do it every d a y '

SIX

STEP

REFRAMING

We are as unlike ourselves as we are unlike others. Montaigne N L P uses a m o r e formal reframing process to stop u n w a n t e d behaviour by providing better alternatives. T h i s way, y o u keep the benefits of the behaviour. It is a bit like going on a journey. H o r s e and cart s e e m s to be the only way to get w h e r e you want to go,

uncomfortable and slow as it is. T h e n , a friend tells you there is actually a train service and regular flights - different and better ways of reaching your destination. Six step reframing works well w h e n there is a part of you that is m a k i n g you behave in a way you do not like. It can also be used on psychosomatic s y m p t o m s . 1. First identify the behaviour or response to be changed. It is usually in the form: T w a n t to . . . but s o m e t h i n g stops me,' Or, 'I don't want to do this, but I s e e m to e n d up d o i n g it just the same.' If you are working with s o m e o n e else, you do not n e e d to know the actual p r o b l e m behaviour. It makes no difference to the reframing process what the behaviour is. T h i s can be secret therapy. Take a m o m e n t to express appreciation for what this part has d o n e for you and make it clear that you are not g o i n g to get rid of it. T h i s m a y be difficult if the behaviour (let's call it X) is very unpalatable, but you can appreciate the intention, if not the way it was accomplished. 2. Establish communication with the part responsible Jbr the behaviour. Go inside and ask, 'Will the part responsible for X c o m m u n i c a t e with me in consciousness, now?' Notice w h a t response you get. K e e p all your senses open for internal sights, sounds, feelings. Do not guess. Have a definite signal, it is often a slight b o d y feeling. C a n you reproduce that exact signal consciously? If you can, ask the question again until you get a signal that you cannot control at will. T h i s sounds strange, but the part responsible is unconscious. If it were under conscious control, you would not be reframing it, you would just stop it. W h e n parts are in conflict there is always s o m e indication that will reach consciousness. H a v e you ever a g r e e d with s o m e o n e ' s plan while harbouring doubts? W h a t does this do to y o u r t o n e of voice? C a n you control that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach if you agree to work w h e n you would rather be relaxing in the garden? H e a d shaking, g r i m a c i n g and tonality changes are obvious e x a m p l e s of ways that conflicting parts express themselves. W h e n there is a conflict of interest, there is always s o m e involuntary signal and it is likely to be very slight. You have to be alert. T h e signal is the but in the 'Yes, but . . .' N o w you need to turn that response into a y e s / n o signal. Ask the part to increase the strength of the signal for 'yes' and decrease it for 'no'. Ask for both signals o n e after the other, so they are clear.

3. Separate the positive intention from the behaviour. T h a n k the part for co-operating. Ask, 'Will the part that is responsible for this behaviour let me know what it is trying to d o ? ' If the answer is the 'yes' signal, y o u will get t h e intention, and it m a y be a surprise to your c o n s c i o u s mind. T h a n k the part for the information, a n d for d o i n g this for you. T h i n k about w h e t h e r you actually want a part to do this. However, you do not need to k n o w the intention. If the answer to your question is 'no', you could explore circumstances where the part would be willing to let you know what it is trying to achieve. O t h e r w i s e a s s u m e a good intention. T h i s does not m e a n y o u like the behaviour, simply that you assume the part has a purpose, and that it benefits you in s o m e way. Go inside and ask the part, 'If y o u were given ways that e n a b l e d you to a c c o m p l i s h this intention, at least as well, if not better t h a n what you are d o i n g now, would you be willing to try them o u t ? ' A 'no' at this point, will m e a n y o u r signals are scrambled. No part in its right m i n d c o u l d turn d o w n s u c h an offer. 4. Ask your creative part to generate new ways that will accomplish the same purpose. T h e r e will have b e e n times in your life w h e n you were creative and resourceful. Ask the part you are working with to c o m m u n i c a t e its positive intention to your creative, resourceful part. T h e creative part will then be able to make up other ways of a c c o m p l i s h i n g the s a m e intention. S o m e will be good, s o m e not so good. S o m e y o u may be aware of consciously, but it d o e s not matter if you are not. Ask the part to choose only those it considers to be as good, or better than the original behaviour. T h e y must be i m m e d i a t e a n d available. Ask it to give the 'yes' signal each time it has another choice. C o n t i n u e until you get at least three 'yes' signals. You c a n take as l o n g as you wish over this part of the process. T h a n k your creative part w h e n you have finished. 5. Ask the Xpart if it will agree to use the new choices rather than the old behaviour over the next Jew weeks. T h i s is future pacing, mentally rehearsing a new behaviour in a future situation. If all is well up to now, there is no reason why you will not get a 'yes' signal. If you get a 'no', assure the part it can still use the old behaviour, but you would like it to use the new choices first. If you still get a no, you c a n reframe the part that objects by taking it through

134

Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming

the w h o l e six step reframing process. 6. Ecological check You need to know if there are any other parts that would object to your new choices. Ask, ' D o e s any other part of me object to any of my n e w choices?' Be sensitive to any signals. Be thorough here. If there is a signal, ask the part to intensify the signal if it really is an objection. M a k e sure the new choices m e e t with the approval of all interested parts, or o n e will sabotage y o u r work. If there is an objection you can do o n e of two things. Either go back to step 2 and reframe the part that objects, or ask the creative part, in consultation with the objecting part, to c o m e up with more choices. M a k e sure these new choices are also checked for any n e w objections. Six step reframing is a technique for therapy and personal development. It deals directly with several psychological issues. O n e is secondary gain: the idea that however bizarre or destructive a behaviour appears, it always serves a useful purpose at s o m e level, and this purpose is likely to be unconscious. It d o e s not make sense to do s o m e t h i n g that is totally contrary to o u r interests. T h e r e is always s o m e benefit, our m i x t u r e of motives and e m o t i o n s is rarely a harmonious one. A n o t h e r is trance. A n y o n e d o i n g six step reframing will be in a mild trance, with his focus of attention inwards. Thirdly, six step reframing also uses n e g o t i a t i o n skills b e t w e e n parts of o n e person. In the next chapter we will look at negotiation skills between people in a business context,

TIMELINES We c a n never be a n y w h e n else b u t 'now' and we have a time m a c h i n e inside o u r skulls. W h e n we sleep t i m e stands still. A n d in our daydreams and night d r e a m s we can j u m p b e t w e e n present, past and future without any difficulty. T i m e seems to fly, or d r a g its feet, d e p e n d i n g on what we are doing. W'hatever time really is, our subjective experience of it changes all t h e t i m e . We m e a s u r e time for the outside world in terms of distance and m o t i o n - a m o v i n g pointer on a clock face - b u t h o w do o u r brains deal with time? T h e r e m u s t be s o m e way, or we would never know whether we h a d d o n e s o m e t h i n g , or were g o i n g to do it; w h e t h e r it

belonged to o u r past or o u r future. A feeling of cUja vu about the future would be difficult to live with. W h a t is the difference in the way we think of a past event and a future event? Perhaps we can get some clues from the m a n y sayings we have about time: T can't see any future,* ' H e ' s stuck in the past,' ' L o o k i n g back on events,' 'Looking forward to s e e i n g you.' M a y b e vision and direction has s o m e t h i n g to do with it. Now, select some simple repetitive behaviour that y o u do nearly every day, such as brushing your teeth, c o m b i n g your hair, w a s h i n g your h a n d s , h a v i n g breakfast or watching T V . T h i n k of a time about five years ago w h e n y o u did this. It does not have to be a specific instance. You know that you did it five years ago, you can pretend to remember. Now Now Now Now you do

think of d o i n g that s a m e thing o n e week ago. think what it would be like if you do it right this instant. o n e week hence. think about d o i n g it in five years* time. It does not matter that not know where you may be, just think of d o i n g that activity.

N o w take those four examples. You probably have s o m e sort of picture of e a c h instance. It m a y be a m o v i e or a snapshot. If a gremlin suddenly shuffled t h e m all around w h e n you were not looking, how could y o u tell which was which? You m a y be interested to find out for yourself how y o u do it. Later, we will give you s o m e generalizations. Look at those pictures again. W h a t are the differences b e t w e e n each of the pictures in terms of the following submodalities? W h e r e are they in space? H o w large are they? H o w bright? H o w focused? A r e they all coloured equally? A r e they m o v i n g pictures or still? H o w far away are they? It is difficult to generalize about timelines, but a c o m m o n way of o r g a n i z i n g pictures of the past, present and future is by location. T h e past is likely to be on your left. T h e further into the past, the further away the pictures will be. T h e 'dim and distant' past will be furthest. T h e future will go off to your right, with the far future far away at the e n d of the line. T h e pictures on e a c h side may be stacked or offset in s o m e way so that they can be s e e n a n d sorted easily. M a n y people use the visual system for representing a s e q u e n c e of m e m o r i e s over

time, but there m a y well be s o m e submodality differences in the other systems as well. S o u n d s m a y be louder w h e n closer to the present, feelings m a y be stronger.

Happily, this way of o r g a n i z i n g time allies itself with normal eye accessing cues, (and reading English), which m a y explain why it is a c o m m o n pattern. T h e r e are m a n y ways to organize your time line. W h i l e there are no ' w r o n g ' t i m e lines they all have c o n s e q u e n c e s . W h e r e and how you store your timeline will affect how you think . . . For e x a m p l e , suppose y o u r past was straight out in front of you. It w o u l d always be in view, and attracting your attention. Your past would be an important and influential part of your experience. Big, bright pictures in the far future would m a k e it very attractive and draw you towards it. You would be future-oriented. T h e i m m e d i a t e future would be difficult to plan. If there were big, bright pictures in the near future, long-range p l a n n i n g might be difficult. In general, whatever is big, bright and colourful, (if these are critical submodalities for y o u ) will be most attractive and you will pay m o s t attention to it. You can really tell if s o m e o n e has a m u r k y past or a bright future. T h e submodalities m a y c h a n g e gradually. For e x a m p l e , the brighter the picture, or the sharper the focus, the nearer to the present. T h e s e two submodalities are good at representing gradual change.

S o m e t i m e s a person m i g h t sort their pictures in a more discrete way u s i n g definite locations, each m e m o r y d e t a c h e d from the last. T h e n the person will tend to use staccato gestures w h e n talking about the m e m o r i e s , rather than using m o r e fluent, sweeping gestures. T h e future m a y be spaced out a long way in front of you, giving you trouble m e e t i n g deadlines, w h i c h will s e e m far away until they suddenly loom large. On the other hand if the future is too compressed with not e n o u g h space between future pictures, y o u may feel pressed for time, everything looks like it h a s to be d o n e at once. S o m e t i m e s it is useful to compress the timeline, other times, to e x p a n d it. It d e p e n d s w h a t you want. It is c o m m o n sense that people w h o are oriented towards the future generally recover from illness m o r e quickly, and medical studies have confirmed this. T i m e l i n e therapy could aid recovery from serious illness. T i m e l i n e s are important to a person's sense of reality, and so they are difficult to c h a n g e unless the c h a n g e is ecological. T h e past is real in a way that the future is not. T h e future exists m o r e as potential or possibilities. It is uncertain. Future submodalities will usually reflect this in s o m e way. T h e timeline may split into different branches, or the pictures m a y be fuzzy. T i m e l i n e s are important in therapy. If a client cannot see a future for himself, a lot of techniques are not going to work. M a n y N L P therapy techniques presuppose an ability to m o v e through time, accessing past resources or constructing c o m p e l l i n g futures. S o m e t i m e s the timeline has to be sorted out before this can be d o n e .

IN

TIME

AND

THROUGH

TIME

In his book The Basis of Personality, Tad J a m e s describes two m a i n types of timelines. T h e first he calls 'through time', or the A n g l o - E u r o p e a n type of t i m e where the timeline goes from side to side. T h e past is on o n e side, the future on another and both are visible in front of the person. T h e second type he calls 'in time', or Arabic time, w h e r e the timeline stretches from front to back so that o n e part (usually the past) is b e h i n d y o u , and invisible. You have to turn your head to see it. T h r o u g h t i m e people will have a good sequential, linear idea of time. T h e y will expect to make and keep a p p o i n t m e n t s precisely. T h i s is the timeline that is prevalent in the business world. ' T i m e is money.' A through t i m e person is also m o r e likely to store their past as dissociated pictures.

In time people do not have the advantage of the past and future spread out in front of them. T h e y are always in the present m o m e n t , so deadlines, business a p p o i n t m e n t s and t i m e - k e e p i n g are less important than they are for a through time person. T h e y are associated to their timeline, and their m e m o r i e s are m o r e likely to be associated. T h i s m o d e l of t i m e - k e e p i n g is c o m m o n in Eastern, especially Arabic, countries, where business deadlines are more flexible than in the Western world. T h i s can be very exasperating for a Western b u s i n e s s m a n . T h e future is looked on m u c h more like a series of 'nows' so the urgency goes out of acting this very minute. T h e r e are plenty more ' n o w s ' where those c o m e from.

Past

A s u m m a r y of s o m e generalizations a b o u t in t i m e a n d through time differences: Through Time Western Left to right Past/p re se nt/fut ure In front Orderly existence M e m o r i e s usually dissociated

In Time Eastern Back to front T i m e h a p p e n s now N o t all in front T i m e is flexible U s u a l l y associated m e m o r i e s

T i m e schedules important

T i m e schedules not s o important

H a r d e r to stay in the m o m e n t

E a s y to focus on present

TALKING

WITH

TIME

L a n g u a g e affects brains. We respond to l a n g u a g e at an u n c o n s c i o u s level. Ways of talking about events will p r o g r a m m e how we represent t h e m in o u r m i n d s , a n d therefore how we respond to them. We have already investigated s o m e of the c o n s e q u e n c e s of thinking w i t h nominalizations, universal quantifiers, m o d a l operators a n d other such patterns. Even verb tenses are not e x e m p t , were they? Now, think of a time w h e n you were walking. T h e form of that sentence is likely to make you think of an associated m o v i n g picture. If I say, think of the last timeyou took a walk, you are likely to make a dissociated, still picture. T h e form of words has taken the m o v e m e n t out of the picture. Yet both sentences m e a n the same thing, don't they? Now, think of a time w h e n you will take a walk. Still dissociated. N o w a time w h e n you will be walking. N o w your idea is likely to be an associated m o v i e . Now I am going to invite you to be in the distant future, thinking about a past memory, which has actually not yet occurred. Tricky? N o t at all; read the next sentence: T h i n k of a time w h e n you will have taken a walk. Now, r e m e m b e r w h e n you are. You influence others a n d orient them in t i m e with what you say. K n o w i n g this, you have a choice about how you wish to influence them. You cannot stop yourself d o i n g it. All c o m m u n i c a t i o n does something. D o e s it do what you want it to do? D o e s it serve your outcome? I m a g i n e an a n x i o u s person visiting two different therapists. T h e first says, ' S o you have felt anxious? Is that h o w you have b e e n feeling?' T h e s e c o n d says, ' S o you feel anxious? W h a t things will make you feel a n x i o u s ? ' T h e first dissociates her from the experience of feeling a n x i o u s and puts it the past. T h e s e c o n d associates her i n t o feeling a n x i o u s and p r o g r a m m e s her to feel a n x i o u s in the future, I k n o w w h i c h therapist I would rather see.

T h i s is just a small taste of h o w we influence e a c h other w i t h l a n g u a g e in ways we are normally unaware of. So now, as y o u think about h o w elegant and effective your c o m m u n i c a t i o n c a n b e . . . and you look back w i t h these resources on w h a t you u s e d to do before y o u c h a n g e d . . . what was it like to have b e e n like that . . . and what steps did you take to c h a n g e . . . as you sit here n o w . . . w i t h this book in h a n d ?

Why do anarchists drink herbal tea? Answer: Because property is theft.

CHAPTER

7 CONFLICT

AND

CONGRUENCE

Everyone lives in the s a m e world, a n d b e c a u s e we make different m o d e l s of it, we c o m e into conflict. Two people can look at the s a m e event, hear the s a m e words, a n d make completely different m e a n i n g s . From these m o d e l s and m e a n i n g s we get the rich plurality of h u m a n values, politics, religions, interests and motives. T h i s chapter explores negotiation and m e e t i n g s to reconcile conflicting interests, and s o m e of the ways these are b e i n g successfully u s e d in the world of business. S o m e of the m o s t important parts of o u r m a p are the beliefs a n d values that shape our lives and give t h e m purpose. T h e y govern what we do and m a y bring us into conflict w i t h others. Values define what is important to us; conflict starts if we insist that what is important to us should be important to others too. S o m e t i m e s our o w n values coexist uneasily, and we have to m a k e difficult choices. Do I tell a lie for a friend? S h o u l d I take the boring j o b with more money, or the exciting work that is badly paid? Different parts of us e m b o d y different values, follow different interests, have different intentions, a n d so c o m e into conflict. O u r ability to go for an o u t c o m e is radically affected by h o w we reconcile and creatively m a n a g e these different parts of ourselves. It is rare to be able to go wholeheartedly or c o m p l e t e l y c o n g r u e n d y for an o u t c o m e , and the larger the o u t c o m e , the more parts of ourselves will be drawn in and the m o r e possibility of conflicting interests. We have already dealt with the six step reframing technique, and in the next chapter we will further explore h o w to resolve s o m e of these internal conflicts. Internal c o n g r u e n c e gives strength and personal power. We are congruent w h e n all our verbal and non-verbal behaviour supports our o u t c o m e . All parts are in h a r m o n y and we have free access to o u r

resources. Small children are nearly always congruent. W h e n they want s o m e t h i n g they want it with their w h o l e being. B e i n g in h a r m o n y does not m e a n all the parts are playing the same tune. In an orchestra, the different instruments blend together, the total t u n e is more than any one instrument could produce on its own, and it is the difference between them which gives the music its colour, interest and harmony. So w h e n we are congruent, our beliefs, values and interests act together to give us the energy to pursue our aims. W h e n you make a decision and you are congruent about it, then you know you can proceed with every chance of success. T h e question b e c o m e s , how do you know w h e n you are congruent? H e r e is a simple exercise to identify your internal c o n g r u e n c e signal:

IDENTIFYING

YOUR

CONGRUENCE

SIGNAL

R e m e m b e r a t i m e w h e n y o u really wanted something. T h a t particular treat, present or experience you really looked forward to. As you think back and associate to that t i m e and event, you can begin to recognize what it feels like to be congruent. B e c o m e familiar with this feeling so that you can use it in the future to k n o w if you are fully congruent about an o u t c o m e . Notice how you feel, notice the submodalities of the experience as you think back to it. C a n you find some internal feeling, sight or s o u n d that will unmistakably define that you are congruent? I n c o n g r u e n c e is m i x e d messages - an instrument out of tune in an orchestra, a splash of colour that does not fit into the picture. M i x e d internal messages will project an a m b i g u o u s message to the other person and result in m u d d l e d actions and self-sabot age. W h e n you face a decision and are incongruent about it, this represents invaluable information from your u n c o n s c i o u s m i n d . It is saying that it Is not wise to proceed and that it is time to think, to gather m o r e information, to create more choices, or explore other o u t c o m e s . T h e question here is, how do y o u k n o w w h e n you are incongruent? Do the following exercise to increase your awareness of your incongruence signal.

IDENTIFYING

YOUR

INCONGRUENCE

SIGNAL

T h i n k back to a time w h e n you had reservations about s o m e plan. You may have felt it was a g o o d idea, but s o m e t h i n g told you it could

lead to trouble. Or you could see yourself d o i n g it, b u t still got that uncertain feeling. As you think about the reservations you h a d , there will be a certain feeling in part of y o u r body, m a y b e s o m e particular image or s o u n d that lets you k n o w that y o u are not fully c o m m i t t e d . T h a t is your i n c o n g r u e n c e signal. M a k e yourself familiar with it, it's a good friend, and could save you a lot of money. You m a y want to check it for several different experiences in w h i c h you know you had doubts or reservations. B e i n g able to detect i n c o n g r u e n c e in yourself will save you from m a k i n g m a n y mistakes. U s e d car salesmen have a p o o r reputation for congruence. I n c o n g r u e n c e also c o m e s out in Freudian slips; s o m e o n e w h o extols 'state of the ark t e c h n o l o g y ' is clearly not really impressed with the software. D e t e c t i n g incongruence in others is essentia) if you are to deal with them sensitively and effectively. For e x a m p l e , a teacher explaining an idea will ask if the student understands. T h e student may say 'Yes,' but her tone of voice or expression m a y contradict the words. In selling, a s a l e s m a n w h o does not detect and deal with incongruence in the buyer is unlikely to make a sale, or if he does, he will generate buyer's remorse, and no further business.

VALUES

AND

CRITERIA

O u r values powerfully affect w h e t h e r we are congruent about an outcome. Values e m b o d y w h a t is important to us and are supported by beliefs. We acquire t h e m , like beliefs, from our experiences and from m o d e l l i n g family and friends. Values are related to our identity, we really care about them; they are t h e fundamental principles we live by. To act against o u r values will make us incongruent. Values give us motivation and direction, they are the important places, the capital cities, In our m a p of the world. T h e most lasting and influential values are freely c h o s e n and not i m p o s e d . T h e y are chosen with awareness of the c o n s e q u e n c e s , and carry m a n y positive feelings. Yet values are usually u n c o n s c i o u s and we s e l d o m explore t h e m in any clear way. To rise in a c o m p a n y y o u will n e e d to adopt c o m p a n y values. If these are different to y o u r o w n this c o u l d lead to incongruence, A c o m p a n y m a y o n l y be e m p l o y i n g half a person if a key worker has values that clash with his work. N L P uses the word criteria to describe those values that are important in a particular context. Criteria are less general and w i d e - r a n g i n g

than values. Criteria are the reasons you do s o m e t h i n g , and what you get out of it. T h e y are usually n o m i n a l i z a t i o n s like wealth, success, fun, health, ecstasy, love, learning, etc. O u r criteria govern why we work, w h o m we work for, w h o m we marry (if at all), how we make relationships and where we live. T h e y d e t e r m i n e the car we drive, the clothes we buy, or w h e r e we go for a m e a l out. P a c i n g another person's values or criteria will build g o o d rapport. If you pace his b o d y but m i s m a t c h his values, you are unlikely to get rapport. Pacing other people's values does not m e a n you have to agree with them, but it shows you respect them.

Eliciting

Criteria

M a k e a list of the 10 or so most important values in your life. You can do this alone, or with a friend to help you. Elicit your answers by asking such questions as: W h a t ' s important to m e ? W h a t truly motivates m e ? W h a t has to be true for m e ? Criteria and values need to be expressed positively. Avoiding ill health m i g h t be a possible value, b u t it would be better to phrase it as good health. You m a y find it fairly easy to c o m e up with the values that motivate you. Criteria are likely to be n o m i n a l i z a t i o n s , and you n e e d the M e t a M o d e l to untangle t h e m . W h a t do they m e a n in real, practical terms? T h e way to find this out is by asking for the evidence that lets you k n o w the criterion has b e e n m e t . It may not always be easy to find the answers, but the question to ask is: H o w w o u l d you k n o w if you got them? If o n e of your criteria is learning, what are you going to learn about and h o w will you do it? W h a t are the possibilities? A n d h o w will you k n o w w h e n you have learned s o m e t h i n g ? A feeling? T h e ability to do s o m e t h i n g that you have not b e e n able to do? T h e s e specific questions are very valuable. Criteria t e n d to disappear in a s m o k e screen w h e n they c o m e into contact w i t h the real world. W h e n you have found out w h a t these criteria really m e a n to you, you can ask w h e t h e r they are realistic. If by success you m e a n a five figure salary, a Ferrari, a town house, a country cottage a n d a highpowered j o b in the City all before your next birthday, you m a y well

be disappointed. D i s a p p o i n t m e n t , as Robert Dilts likes to say, requires adequate planning. To be really disappointed, y o u m u s t have fantasized at great length about what you want to h a p p e n . Criteria are vague and c a n be interpreted very differently by other people. I r e m e m b e r a good e x a m p l e from a couple I k n o w well. For her, c o m p e t e n c e m e a n t that she h a d actually d o n e s o m e task successfully. It was simply descriptive and not a highly valued criterion. For h i m , c o m p e t e n c e m e a n t the feeling that he could do a task if he put his mind to it. Feeling c o m p e t e n t in this way gave him selfesteem and it was highly valued. W h e n she called h i m i n c o m p e t e n t , he got very upset - until he understood w h a t she actually m e a n t . H o w different people see the criterion of m a l e a n d female attractiveness is the force that makes the world go round.

HIERARCHY

OF

CRITERIA

M a n y things are important to us, and o n e useful step is to get a sense of the relative i m p o r t a n c e of your criteria. Since criteria are contextrelated, the o n e s you apply to your work will be different to the ones you apply to your personal relationships. We can use criteria to explore an issue like c o m m i t m e n t to a j o b or a group of people. H e r e is an exercise to explore the criteria in this issue: 1. S u p p o s e you had c o m m i t t e d yourself to a group, w h a t would have to be true for you to leave? F i n d the value or criterion that w o u l d motivate you to go. Do not j u m p to life or death issues at the start, think of s o m e t h i n g that would be just e n o u g h to tip the scales. 2. Next, ask w h a t would have to be true to stay on even if (1) h a p p e n e d ? Find the criterion that would override what you discovered at (1). 3. T h e n ask what would have to be true for you to leave given (1) and (2) have happened? Find a more important criterion. 4. C o n t i n u e until you can go no further, so nothing would i n d u c e you to stay on if your last criterion (n) h a p p e n e d . You are sure to find s o m e interesting ideas en route from (1) to (n). You can use criteria in m a n y ways. Firstly, we often do things for c r u m m y reasons. R e a s o n s that do not fully express our values. Equally we m a y want to do s o m e t h i n g in a v a g u e sort of way, b u t it does not get d o n e because other more important criteria stand in the way. T h i s

links back to o u t c o m e s in the first chapter. An o u t c o m e m a y n e e d to be c o n n e c t e d to a larger o u t c o m e that is sufficiently m o t i v a t i n g because it is backed by important criteria. Criteria provide the e n e r g y for o u t c o m e s . If you can make s o m e t h i n g important to you by l i n k i n g it to h i g h criteria, obstacles will vanish. S u p p o s e you think it would be a good idea if you took regular exercise to get fit. Somehow, time goes on and you do not get round to it, because it is difficult to find the t i m e in a b u s y week. C o n n e c t i n g regular exercise with looking attractive and h a v i n g extra stamina for playing an enjoyable sport is likely to be far more m o t i v a t i n g and can override the time factor, so that you create the time. T h e r e is usually time for w h a t we really want to do. We do not have t i m e for things that do not motivate us sufficiently. T h e way you think about your criteria will have a s u b m o d a l i t y structure. T h e important ones m a y be represented by a bigger, closer or brighter picture, or a louder s o u n d , or a stronger feeling, perhaps localized in a particular part of your body. W h a t are the submodalities of your criteria, and how do you know which criteria are important to you? T h e r e are no rules that work in every case. It is worth exploring these ideas for yourself.

S N A K E S A N D L A D D E R S -- S T E P P I N G STEPPING D O W N

UP A N D

W h e n y o u connect your actions to criteria, it is rather like playing a g a m e of snakes and ladders. You can start with s o m e small issue, but if y o u connect it to important criteria, you are taken very quickly to the top of the board. You will be motivated to do it, and you will think about it with submodalities that m a k e it compelling. H o w we connect events and ideas forms the substance of our maps, the roads between the cities. U n d e r s t a n d i n g an issue m e a n s not o n l y h a v i n g the information, but also c o n n e c t i n g it to other parts of our m a p . W h e n we dealt w i t h the size of our o u t c o m e s , we c o n n e c t e d a smaller o u t c o m e to a larger o n e to give energy, and broke d o w n a large o u t c o m e into a series of smaller ones to make it easier to handle. T h i s was an e x a m p l e of a general idea which is known as chunking or stepping in N L P . C h u n k i n g is a term from the c o m p u t e r world, m e a n i n g to break things into bits. To chunk up or step up is to move from the specific: to the general, or from a part to the whole. C h u n k i n g or stepping down moves from the general to the specific, or from t h e w h o l e to a part.

T h e idea is simple. Take for e x a m p l e an everyday object such as a chair. To step up to the next level you would ask, ' W h a t is this an e x a m p l e of?' O n e answer would be, 'An i t e m of furniture,' You could also ask, ' W h a t is this a part of?' O n e a n s w e r would be, 'A d i n i n g suite.' To step d o w n , you ask the question in reverse, ' W h a t is a specific e x a m p l e of the class of objects k n o w n as chairs?' O n e answer would be, 'An armchair,' T h e higher level always contains what is at the lower level. You can also step sideways and ask, ' W h a t is another e x a m p l e of this class of things?' To step sideways from a chair m i g h t c o m e up with the answer, 'Table.' To step sideways from armchair might c o m e to 'Deckchair.' T h e sideways e x a m p l e is always d e t e r m i n e d by what is at the next level up. You cannot ask for another e x a m p l e unless you know what it is another e x a m p l e of. T h e M e t a M o d e l uses this idea; it explores the downward direction, m a k i n g the idea more and more specific. T h e M i l t o n M o d e l goes up to the general level so as to take in all the specific e x a m p l e s below it. If s o m e o n e asks you for a drink a n d you give them a coffee, they m a y actually want a l e m o n a d e . Both coffee a n d l e m o n a d e are drinks, You need more specific information. S t e p p i n g down goes to specifics, sensory-based, real world events. (I want 25 fluid o u n c e s of brand F i z z o l e m o n a d e in a tall glass at a temperature of 5° Centigrade, with three l u m p s of ice, shaken, not stirred.) S t e p p i n g up can eventually lead to o u t c o m e s and criteria (I want a drink b e c a u s e I am thirsty), if you start asking w h y at a high level. J o k e s , of course, make great use of stepping a n d t h e n suddenly c h a n g i n g the rules on top. People connect things in weird a n d wonderful ways (according to o u r o w n m a p anyway). Do not a s s u m e they use the same rules as you do to connect ideas. Do not a s s u m e you know their rules at all. Like a g a m e of C h i n e s e whispers, the further you go w i t h the rules slightly c h a n g i n g e a c h t i m e , the further away you will be from where you think you are. H e r e is an exercise in stepping up in different ways. Coffee can be linked to each of the following in a different way. In the first example, tea and coffee are both m e m b e r s of a m o r e general class called beverages. S e e if y o u can find a different step up for coffee and e a c h of the others in turn: 1, Tea and coffee? Beverages. 2. Yams and coffee?

3. Clinic a n d coffee? 4. A m p h e t a m i n e s and coffee? 5. Ignatia and coffee? (Answers at the end of the chapter.) So it is possible to chunk sideways to s o m e very different things and arrive in a very different place. It is like the oft-quoted idea that in this global village, six social relationships will bring y o u to a n y b o d y in the world. (I k n o w Fred (1), w h o knows J o a n (2), w h o knows S u s y (3), w h o knows J i m (4), etc.) S o o n c e a g a i n m e a n i n g d e p e n d s o n context. T h e links w e m a k e are important. Walls are h e l d up not so m u c h by the bricks as by the mortar that c o n n e c t s t h e m . W h a t is important to us, a n d h o w we connect ideas is important in m e e t i n g s , negotiations a n d selling.

META P R O G RAMS M e t a p r o g r a m s are perceptual filters that we habitually act o n . T h e r e is so m u c h information we could attend to, and most gets ignored as we have at m o s t n i n e chunks of conscious attention available. M e t a p r o g r a m s are patterns we use to d e t e r m i n e what information gets through. For example, think of a glass full of water. N o w i m a g i n e drinking half of it. Is the glass half full or half empty? Both, of course, it's a matter of viewpoint. S o m e people notice what is positive about a situation, what is actually there, others notice what is missing. Both ways of looking are useful and each person will favour o n e v i e w or the other. M e t a p r o g r a m s are systematic and habitual, and we do not usually question them if they serve us reasonably well. T h e patterns may be the same across contexts, but few people are consistently habitual, so m e t a p r o g r a m s are likely to change with a change of context. W h a t holds our attention in a work e n v i r o n m e n t m a y be different from what we pay attention to at h o m e . So m e t a p r o g r a m s filter the world to h e l p us create our own m a p .

You can notice other people's m e t a p r o g r a m s both through their language and behaviour. Because m e t a p r o g r a m s filter experience and we pass on o u r experience w i t h language, certain patterns of l a n g u a g e are typical of certain metaprograms. M e t a p r o g r a m s are important in the key areas of motivation and decision-making. G o o d c o m m u n i c a t o r s shape their l a n g u a g e to fit the other person's m o d e l of the world. So u s i n g l a n g u a g e that accords with another person's m e t a p r o g r a m s pre shapes the information and ensures he c a n easily make sense of it. T h i s leaves h i m m o r e energy for d e c i s i o n - m a k i n g and getting motivated. As you read through these m e t a p r o g r a m s you m a y find yourself s y m p a t h i z i n g with o n e particular v i e w in e a c h category. You m a y e v e n wonder how anyone could possibly think differently. T h i s is a clue to the pattern y o u use yourself. Of the two extremes within a m e t a p r o g r a m pattern, there is likely to be one you can't stand or understand. T h e other is your own. T h e r e are m a n y patterns that might qualify as m e t a p r o g r a m s , a n d different N L P books will e m p h a s i z e different patterns. We will give s o m e of the most useful o n e s here. No value j u d g m e n t is implied about these patterns. N o n e are 'better' or 'right' in themselves. It all d e p e n d s on the context and the o u t c o m e you want. S o m e patterns work best given a particular type of task. T h e question is: can you act in the most useful way for the task you have to do?

Proactive-Reactive T h i s first metaprogram is about action. T h e proactive person initiates, he j u m p s in and gets on with it. He does not wait for others to initiate action. T h e reactive person waits for others to initiate an action or bides her time before acting. She may take a long time to decide or never actually take any action. A proactive person will tend to use complete sentences with a personal subject ( n o u n or p r o n o u n ) , an active verb and a tangible object, e.g. *I am going to m e e t the m a n a g i n g director.' A reactive person will tend to use passive verbs a n d i n c o m p l e t e sentences. He is also likely to u s e qualifying phrases a n d nominalizations, e.g. 'Is there any chance that it might be possible to arrange a m e e t i n g w i t h the m a n a g i n g director?' Even in such a short e x a m p l e there are m a n y possibilities for m a k i n g use of this pattern. A proactive person is motivated by phrases

like ' G o to it', ' D o it' a n d ' T i m e to act.' In a sales situation, proactive people are m o r e likely to go ahead and b u y and m a k e quick decisions. A reactive person w o u l d respond best to phrases like 'Wait', 'Let's analyse', ' T h i n k about it' and 'See what the others think.' Few people act out these patterns in such an e x t r e m e w a y M o s t show a mixture of the two traits.

Towards-Away T h e s e c o n d pattern is about motivation and explains how people maintain their focus. People with a towards m e t a p r o g r a m stay focused on their goals. T h e y go for what they want. Away people recognize problems easily a n d they know what to avoid, for they are clear about what they do not want. T h i s c a n lead to p r o b l e m s for t h e m in setting well-formed o u t c o m e s . R e m e m b e r the old a r g u m e n t in business, education a n d parenting - w h e t h e r to use the carrot or the stick approach? In other words, is it better to offer people incentives or threats? T h e answer of course is: it all d e p e n d s w h o m you want to motivate. Towards people are energized by goals and rewards. Away people are motivated to avoid problems a n d p u n i s h m e n t . A r g u i n g which is best in general is futile. It is easy to recognize this pattern from a person's language. D o e s she talk about w h a t she wants, achieves or gains? Or does she tell you about the situations she wants to avoid a n d the p r o b l e m s to steer clear of? Towards people are best e m p l o y e d in goal-getting. Away from people are excellent at finding errors a n d work well in a j o b like quality control. Art critics usually have a strong away orientation as m a n y a performing artist c a n testify!

Internal-External T h i s pattern is about where people find their standards. An internal person will have his standards internalized and use t h e m to compare courses of action and decide w h a t to do. He will use his o w n standards to make a c o m p a r i s o n a n d a decision. In answer to the q u e s t i o n , ' H o w do y o u know you have d o n e a g o o d piece of work?', he is likely to say s o m e t h i n g like, 'I just know.' Internal people take in information but will insist on d e c i d i n g for themselves from their o w n standards. A strongly internal person will resist s o m e o n e else's decision on their behalf, even if it is a good one. External people n e e d others to supply the standards a n d direction.

T h e y k n o w a j o b is well d o n e w h e n s o m e o n e tells t h e m so. Externals n e e d to have an external standard. T h e y will ask you about your standards. It looks as t h o u g h they have difficulty deciding. Interna] people have difficulty accepting m a n a g e m e n t . T h e y are likely to make good entrepreneurs a n d are attracted to selfe m p l o y m e n t . T h e y have little n e e d of supervision. External people n e e d to be m a n a g e d and supervised. T h e y need the standard for success to c o m e from the outside, otherwise they are unsure if they have d o n e things correctly. O n e way you c a n identify this m e t a p r o g r a m is by asking: ' H o w do you k n o w you have d o n e a good j o b ? ' Internal people will tell you they decide. External people tell you they know b e c a u s e s o m e o n e else has confirmed it.

Options-Procedures T h i s pattern is important in business. An options person wants to have choices and develop alternatives. He will hesitate to follow well-worn procedural paths, however g o o d they are. T h e procedures person is good at following set, laid d o w n courses of action, but not very g o o d at d e v e l o p i n g t h e m , b e i n g m o r e c o n c e r n e d with h o w t o d o s o m e t h i n g than why she m i g h t want to do it. S h e is likely to believe there is a 'right' way to do things. It is obviously not a g o o d idea to e m p l o y a procedures person to generate alternatives to the present system. N o r is it useful to e m p l o y an options person to follow a fixed procedure w h e r e success d e p e n d s on following the procedure to the letter. T h e y are not strong on following routines. T h e y m a y feel c o m p e l l e d to be creative. You can identify this m e t a p r o g r a m by asking: ' W h y did you choose your current j o b ? ' O p t i o n s people will give you reasons why they did what they did. Procedures people will tend to tell y o u h o w they c a m e to do w h a t they did or just give facts. T h e y answer the question as if it were a 'how to' question. O p t i o n s people respond to promotional ideas that e x p a n d their choices. Procedures people respond to ideas that give t h e m a clear-cut, proven path.

General-Specific T h i s pattern deals w i t h c h u n k i n g . General people like to see the big picture. T h e y are most comfortable dealing with large c h u n k s of information. T h e y are the global thinkers. T h e specific person is most

comfortable with small pieces of information, building from small to large, and so is comfortable with sequences, in extreme cases only b e i n g able to deal with the next step in the s e q u e n c e he is following. Specifics people will talk about 'steps' and 'sequences' and give precise descriptions. T h e y will tend to specify a n d use proper n a m e s . T h e general person, as you might expect, generalizes. He m a y leave out steps in a sequence, m a k i n g it hard to follow. He will see the w h o l e sequence as o n e chunk rather than a series of graded steps. T h e general person deletes a lot of information. I b o u g h t s o m e j u g g l i n g balls s o m e time ago and the instructions that c a m e with t h e m were clearly written by a very general person. T h e y went as follows: 'Stand erect, balanced with your feet shoulder width apart. Breathe evenly. Start to j u g g l e ; General people are good at p l a n n i n g and developing strategies. Specific people are good at small step sequential tasks that involve attention to detail. You can tell from a person's l a n g u a g e whether he is a genera] or a specific thinker. D o e s he give you details or the big picture?

Match-Mismatch T h i s pattern is about m a k i n g c o m p a r i s o n s . S o m e people notice what is the s a m e about things. T h i s is called matching. (It is not related to the rapport pattern.) Aftrmatchers notice what is different w h e n m a k i n g comparisons. T h e y point out the differences a n d often get involved in a r g u m e n t s . A person that c h u n k s d o w n a n d m i s m a t c h e s will go over information with a fine t o o t h c o m b looking for discrepancies. If you match and think in big chunks, he will drive you crazy. L o o k at the three triangles below. Take a m o m e n t to answer this question silently to yourself: W h a t is the relationship between t h e m ?

T h e r e is no right answer, of course, as their relationship involves points of similarity and difference. T h e question highlights four possible patterns. T h e r e are people w h o match, w h o notice things that are the s a m e . T h e y m i g h t say that all three triangles are the same. ( A s i n d e e d they are.) S u c h people will

often be content in t h e s a m e j o b or the s a m e type of work for m a n y years, and they are good at tasks that r e m a i n essentially the same. T h e r e are people w h o notice sameness with exception. T h e y notice similarities first, then differences. L o o k i n g at the diagram, they m a y answer that two triangles are the s a m e and o n e is different, b e i n g upside d o w n . ( Q u i t e right.) S u c h people usually like changes to o c c u r gradually and slowly, and like their work situation to evolve over time. W h e n they know h o w to do a j o b , they are ready to do it for a long time a n d are good at most tasks. T h e y will use comparatives a lot, e.g. 'better', 'worse', 'more', 'less'. T h e y respond to promotional material that uses words like 'better', 'improved' or 'advanced'. Difference people are the mismatckers. T h e y w o u l d say ail three triangles are different. ( R i g h t again.) S u c h people seek out and enjoy change, often c h a n g i n g j o b s rapidly T h e y will be attracted to innovative products, advertised as ' n e w ' or 'different'. Differences with exception people will notice differences first, then similarities. T h e y m i g h t say the triangles are different and two of them are the same way up. T h e y seek out c h a n g e and variety, but not to the extent of the difference people. So to find out this m e t a p r o g r a m ask, ' W h a t is the relationship b e t w e e n these two things?

Convincer

Patterns

T h e r e are two aspects to how a person b e c o m e s convinced of something. Firstly, w h a t channel the information c o m e s through, and secondly how the p e r s o n m a n a g e s the information o n c e they have it (the mode). First the channel. T h i n k of a sales situation. W h a t d o e s a c u s t o m e r need to do to be convinced that the product is worthwhile? Or what evidence does a m a n a g e r need to be convinced chat s o m e o n e is good at her job? T h e answer to this question is often related to a person's primary representational system. S o m e people n e e d to see the e v i d e n c e (visual). Others need to hear from others. S o m e people n e e d to read a report, for e x a m p l e T h e C o n s u m e r s Association reports c o m p a r e and give information about m a n y products. O t h e r s have to do something. T h e y may n e e d to use the product to evaluate it or work alongside a n e w e m p l o y e e before d e c i d i n g she is c o m p e t e n t . T h e question to ask to d e t e r m i n e this m e t a p r o g r a m is: ' H o w do you know s o m e o n e is good at his job?' A visued person n e e d s to see examples. A hear person n e e d s to talk to people a n d gather information. A read person n e e d s to read reports

or references about s o m e o n e . A do person has to actually do the work with a person to be convinced she is g o o d at her j o b . T h e other side to this m e t a p r o g r a m is h o w people learn new tasks m o s t easily. A visual person learns a n e w task m o s t easily if he is s h o w n how to do it, A h e a r person will learn best if she is told what to do. A read person learns best by reading instructions. A do person learns best by going and d o i n g it for h i m or herself, getting 'hands-on experience'. T h e s e c o n d part of this m e t a p r o g r a m is about h o w the person m a n a g e s the information a n d h o w it n e e d s to be presented. S o m e people need to be presented with the evidence a particular n u m b e r of times - perhaps two, three or more - before they are convinced. T h e s e are people w h o are convinced by a number of examples. O t h e r people do not need m u c h information. T h e y get a few facts, i m a g i n e the rest and decide quickly. T h e y often j u m p to c o n c l u s i o n s on very little data. T h i s is called the automatic pattern. On the other h a n d , s o m e people are never really convinced. T h e y will only be convinced for a particular e x a m p l e or a particular context. T h i s is known as the consistent pattern. Tomorrow you m a y have to prove it to t h e m all over again, because tomorrow is another day. T h e y need c o n v i n c i n g all the time. Lastly s o m e people n e e d to have their evidence presented over a period of time - a day, a week - before b e c o m i n g c o n v i n c e d . T h i s is a very brief survey of s o m e of the m a i n m e t a p r o g r a m s . T h e y were originally developed by R i c h a r d B a n d i e r and Leslie C a m e r o n Bandier, and were further developed for use in business by R o d g e r Bailey as the ' L a n g u a g e and B e h a v i o u r Profile'. Criteria are often referred to as m e t a p r o g r a m s , but they are not patterns, they are the values and things that really matter to you, so we have treated them separately. O r i e n t a t i o n in time is often referred to as a m e t a p r o g r a m . S o m e people will be in time, that is, associated with their timeline. S o m e people are through t i m e , that is, primarily dissociated from their timeline. A n o t h e r pattern that is often referred to as a m e t a p r o g r a m is preferred perceptual position, S o m e people spend m o s t of their time in first position, in their o w n reality. O t h e r s e m p a t h i z e more a n d will s p e n d a lot of t i m e in s e c o n d position. Others prefer third position. Different books will have varying lists of m e t a p r o g r a m patterns, a n d there is no right answer, except to use those patterns that are useful to you a n d ignore the rest. R e m e m b e r everything is likely to c h a n g e with context. A m a n w h o weighs 90 kilograms will be h e a v y

in the context of an aerobics class. He will be at the e x t r e m e end of scale there. Put him in a g y m n a s i u m full of S u m o wrestlers and he will be at the light e n d of the scale. A person w h o appears very proactive in one context m a y seem reactive in another. Similarly, a person may be very specific in a work context, yet very general in his leisure pursuits. M e t a p r o g r a m s may also c h a n g e with emotional state. A person may b e c o m e m o r e proactive under stress and more reactive w h e n comfortable. As with all the patterns presented in this book, the answer is always the person in front of you. T h e pattern is only the m a p . M e t a p r o g r a m s are not another way of p i g e o n holing people. T h e important questions are: C a n you be aware of your own patterns? W h a t choices can you give others? T h e y are useful g u i d i n g patterns. Learn to identify only o n e pattern at a time. Learn to use the skills o n e at a time. U s e t h e m if they are useful.

Metaprogram

Summary

1. P r o a c t i v e - R e a c t i v e T h e proactive person initiates action. T h e reactive person waits for others to initiate action and for things to happen. He will take time to analyse and understand first. 2. Towards-Away T h e towards person stays focused on his or her own goals and is motivated by achievement. T h e away person focuses on p r o b l e m s to be avoided rather than goals to be achieved. 3. Internal-External T h e internal person has internal standards and decides for him or herself. T h e externa! person takes standards from outside and needs direction a n d instruction to c o m e from others. 4. O p t i o n s - P r o c e d u r e s O p t i o n s people want choices and are good at d e v e l o p i n g alternatives. Procedures people are good at following set courses of procedures. T h e y are not act ion-motivated and are g o o d at following a fixed series of steps, 5. G e n e r a l - S p e c i f i c General people are most comfortable d e a l i n g with large chunks of information. T h e y do not pay attention to details. Specific people pay attention to details a n d need small chunks to make sense of a larger picture.

6. M a t c h - M i s m a t c h . People w h o m a t c h will mostly notice points of similarity in a c o m p a r i s o n . People w h o m i s m a t c h will notice differences when m a k i n g a comparison. 7. C o n v i n c e r patterns Channel: Visual: N e e d to see the evidence. Hear: N e e d to be told. Read: N e e d to read. D o : N e e d to act. Mode: N u m b e r of E x a m p l e s : N e e d to have the information s o m e n u m b e r of times before b e c o m i n g convinced. A u t o m a t i c : N e e d only partial information. Consistent: N e e d to have the information every time to be convinced, and then only for that e x a m p l e . Period of time: N e e d to have the information r e m a i n consistent for s o m e period of time.

SELLING Sales psychology already has given rise to w h o l e libraries of books, a n d we will only touch on it lightly here, to show s o m e of the possibilities using N L P ideas. Selling is often misunderstood, like advertising. A popular definition describes advertising as the art of arresting h u m a n intelligence l o n g e n o u g h to get m o n e y from it. In fact, the whole purpose of sales, as the book, The One Minute Sales Person by S p e n c e r J o h n s o n and Larry W i l s o n puts very eloquently, is to h e l p people to get what they want. T h e more you help people to get w h a t they want, the more successful a salesperson you will be. M a n y N L P ideas will work towards this purpose. Initial rapport is important. A n c h o r i n g resources will enable y o u to m e e t challenges in a resourceful state. Feeling good about y o u r work lets you do good work. Future pacing can help to create the situations and feelings that you want, by mentally rehearsing t h e m first. Setting well-formed o u t c o m e s is an invaluable skill in selling. In C h a p t e r 1 you applied the wellformedness criteria t o your o w n o u t c o m e s , T h e s a m e questions that you u s e d there can be used to help others b e c o m e clear about what

they want. T h i s skill is crucial in selling b e c a u s e you can only satisfy the buyer if you know exactly what they want. T h e idea of stepping up and d o w n c a n help you find out what people need. W h a t are their criteria? W h a t is important to them about a product? Do they have an o u t c o m e in m i n d about what they are b u y i n g , and can y o u help them to realize it? I remember a personal example. T h e r e is a high street near w h e r e I live which has m a n y more than its fair share of hardware shops. T h e o n e that does the best business is a small, rather out of the way shop. T h e owner always makes a g e n u i n e attempt to find out w h a t you are d o i n g and what you want the tool or e q u i p m e n t for. A l t h o u g h he d o e s not always get good rapport, for s o m e t i m e s his interrogation verges on the third degree, he makes sure that he does not sell you a n y t h i n g that does not specifically help you achieve w h a t you want to do. If he does not have the right tool, he will direct you to a shop that does. He survives very well in the face of strong c o m p e t i t i o n from big c h a i n stores with substantially lower prices. In o u r m o d e l he steps up to find out the criteria and o u t c o m e of his customers, and then steps d o w n to exactly the specific tool they need. T h i s m a y involve a step sideways from what the c u s t o m e r actually asked for in the first place, (It always d o e s w h e n I go there.) Stepping sideways is very useful to find out w h a t a p e r s o n likes about a product. W h a t are the good points? W h e r e are the points of difference that m e a n s a person chooses o n e product rather than another? Exploring what a person wants in these three directions is a consistent pattern of top salespeople. C o n g r u e n c e is essential. W o u l d a salesperson use the product he is selling? D o e s he really believe in the advantages he recites? I n c o n g r u e n c e can leak out in tonality and posture, and make the buyer uneasy.

FRAMES F r a m i n g in N L P refers to the way we put things i n t o different contexts to give t h e m different m e a n i n g s ; what we m a k e important at that m o m e n t . H e r e are five useful ways of framing events. S o m e have b e e n implicit in other aspects of N L P , and it is worth m a k i n g t h e m explicit here.

Outcome frame T h i s is evaluating in terms of o u t c o m e s . Firstly k n o w your own o u t c o m e , and make sure it is well-formed. Is it positive? Is it under your control? Is it specific e n o u g h and the right size? W h a t is the evidence? Do you have the resources to carry it out? H o w does it fit with your other outcomes? Secondly, you m a y need to elicit o u t c o m e s from any other people involved, to help t h e m get clear what they want, so you c a n all move forward. Thirdly, there is dovetailing o u t c o m e s . O n c e you have your o u t c o m e and the other person's o u t c o m e , you can see how they fit together. You m a y need to negotiate over a n y differences between them. Lastly, by keeping o u t c o m e s in m i n d you can notice if you are m o v i n g towards t h e m . If you are not, y o u n e e d to do s o m e t h i n g different. T h e o u t c o m e frame is an e x t r e m e l y useful pair of spectacles with which to v i e w your actions. In business, if executives do not have a clear v i e w of their o u t c o m e , they have no firm basis for decisions and no way of j u d g i n g if an action is useful or not.

Ecology

Frame

A g a i n this has b e e n dealt with explicitly with o u t c o m e s and implicitly throughout the book. H o w do my actions fit into the wider systems of family, friends, professional interests? Is it expressive of my overall integrity as a h u m a n being? A n d d o e s it respect the integrity of the other people involved? C o n g r u e n c e is the way our u n c o n s c i o u s m i n d lets us know about ecology, a n d is a prerequisite of acting with wisdom.

Evidence

Frame

T h i s concentrates on clear a n d specific details. In particular how will you know w h e n you have attained your outcome? W h a t will you see, hear and feel? T h i s forms part of the o u t c o m e frame, and is s o m e t i m e s useful to apply on its own, especially to criteria.

As

If F r a m e

T h i s frame is a way of creative p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g by pretending that

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Introducing Neuro-Lmguista Programming

s o m e t h i n g has h a p p e n e d in order to explore possibilities. Start with the words, 'If this h a p p e n e d , . .' or, 'Let's suppose that . . .' T h e r e are m a n y ways this can be useful. For e x a m p l e , if a key person is m i s s i n g from a m e e t i n g , you can ask, 'If X were here, w h a t would she d o ? ' If s o m e o n e knows X well the answers they c o m e up with c a n be very helpful. (Always check back with X later if important decisions are to be m a d e . ) A n o t h e r way of using the idea is to project yourself six m o n t h s or a year into a successful future, and looking back, ask, ' W h a t were the steps that we took then, that led us to this state now?' From this perspective you can often discover important information that you cannot see easily in the present b e c a u s e you are too close to it. A n o t h e r way is to take the worst case that could h a p p e n . W h a t would you do if the worst h a p p e n e d ? W h a t options and plans do y o u have? 'As if can be used to explore the worst case as a specific e x a m p l e of a m o r e general and very useful process k n o w n as d o w n s i d e planning. (A process insurance c o m p a n i e s make a great deal of m o n e y from.)

Backtrack Frame T h i s frame is simple. You recapitulate the information you have up to that point using the other person's key words and tonalities in the backtrack. T h i s is what makes it different to a summary, which often systematically distorts the other person's words. Backtrack is useful to o p e n a discussion, to update n e w people in a group, and to check a g r e e m e n t and u n d e r s t a n d i n g of the participants in a meeting. It helps build rapport and is invaluable any time you get lost; it clarifies the way forward. M a n y messages s e e m to c o m e to agreement, but the participants go away with totally different ideas about what was agreed. Backtrack can keep y o u on course towards the desired o u t c o m e .

MEETINGS A l t h o u g h we will describe m e e t i n g s in a business context, the patterns apply equally to any context where two or more people m e e t for a c o m m o n purpose. As you read t h r o u g h the rest of this chapter, think of e a c h pattern in w h a t e v e r context is appropriate to you. N L P h a s a lot to offer in a business context. T h e greatest resource

of any business is the people in it. T h e m o r e effective the people b e c o m e , the m o r e effective the business will be, A business is a team of people working towards a c o m m o n goal. T h e i r success will d e p e n d mainly on how well they deal with these key points: a) G o a l Setting. b) C o m m u n i c a t i n g effectively within the g r o u p and to the outside world. c) R e a d i n g their environment accurately. K e e p i n g c u s t o m e r n e e d s and responses in m i n d . d) C o m m i t m e n t to success: c o n g r u e n c e . T h e resourcefulness, flexibility, perceptual filters, presentation and c o m m u n i c a t i o n skills of the individuals in the business d e t e r m i n e h o w successful it is. N L P addresses the precise skills that create success in the business world. N L P goes to the heart of a business organization by refining and developing the effectiveness of e a c h individual m e m b e r carrying out these tasks. Business m e e t i n g s are o n e place m a n y of these skills will c o m e together. We will start by dealing with co-operative m e e t i n g s where most people will broadly agree about t h e o u t c o m e . M e e t i n g s where there are apparently conflicting o u t c o m e s will be dealt with under negotiation. M e e t i n g s are purposeful and the purpose of co-operative m e e t i n g s is likely to be explicit, for e x a m p l e , to m e e t with colleagues o n c e a week to e x c h a n g e information, make decisions a n d allocate responsibility. O t h e r e x a m p l e s w o u l d be p l a n n i n g next year's budget, a performance appraisal, or a project review. As a participant in an important m e e t i n g you n e e d to be in a strong, resourceful state, and congruent about the part you have to play. Anchors can help, both before a m e e t i n g to get you in a good state, and d u r i n g a m e e t i n g if things start to go awry. R e m e m b e r other people will be anchors for you, and you are an a n c h o r to others. T h e room itself m a y be an anchor. An office is often a place full of the trappings of personal power and success of the person b e h i n d the desk. You m a y need all the resources y o u c a n get. T h e m e m b e r s h i p a n d a g e n d a o f the m e e t i n g n e e d t o b e settled i n advance. You m u s t be clear about y o u r o u t c o m e . You also n e e d an e v i d e n c e procedure: h o w you will know if y o u achieve it. You n e e d to be very clear about what you would want to see, hear a n d feel. If you have no o u t c o m e for the m e e t i n g , you are probably wasting your time.

T h e basic format for successful m e e t i n g s resembles the three minute N L P s e m i n a r in C h a p t e r 1: 1. K n o w what you want. 2. K n o w w h a t others want. 3 . F i n d w a y s i n w h i c h y o u c a n all get it. T h i s s e e m s simple and obvious, b u t it is often lost in the rough and t u m b l e , and step 3 m a y be difficult if there are widely conflicting interests. W h e n the m e e t i n g starts, get c o n s e n s u s on a shared o u t c o m e . It is important that all agree on an o u t c o m e for the m e e t i n g , s o m e c o m m o n issue to be dealt with. W h e n you have the o u t c o m e , anchor it. T h e easiest way to do this is to use a key phrase, and write it up on a board or flip chart. You will also need to agree on the e v i d e n c e that will show that the o u t c o m e h a s been achieved. H o w will everyone know w h e n they have it? U s e the e v i d e n c e frame. O n c e again, rapport is an essential step. You will need to establish rapport w i t h the other participants, if you do not have it already, by using non-verbal skills and m a t c h i n g language. Be sensitive to any incongruence in any of the participants about the shared o u t c o m e . There may be h i d d e n a g e n d a s , and it is better to know about these at the outset, rather than later. D u r i n g the discussion, the evidence, ecology, backtrack, and As If frames m a y be useful. O n e problem that besets m e e t i n g s is that they go off track. Before you k n o w it, the time is up and the decision or o u t c o m e has not b e e n achieved. M a n y a m e e t i n g has g o n e off at a t e m p t i n g tangent and e n d e d up in a cul-de-sac. T h e o u t c o m e frame can be used to challenge the relevance of any contribution and so keep the m e e t i n g on track. S u p p o s e a colleague makes a contribution to the discussion that does not s e e m to relate to the mutually-agreed o u t c o m e . It m a y be interesting, informative a n d true, but not relevant. You could say s o m e t h i n g like, T have trouble seeing h o w that could bring us nearer to our o u t c o m e ; can you tell us h o w it fits into this m e e t i n g ? ' You can a n c h o r this relevancy challenge visually with a h a n d or head m o v e m e n t . T h e speaker m u s t show h o w his contribution is relevant. If it is not, then valuable time is saved. T h e contribution may be important in another context, in w h i c h case recognize it as such, and agree that it be dealt with at another time. C l o s e a n d s u m m a r i z e each issue as it arises, fitting it into the agreed o u t c o m e , or agree to defer it to another m e e t i n g . If s o m e o n e is disrupting a m e e t i n g or l e a d i n g it seriously off track,

you m i g h t say s o m e t h i n g like, 'I appreciate that you feel strongly about this issue and it is clearly important to you. However, we agreed that this is not the place to discuss it. C a n we m e e t later to settle this?' Calibrate for c o n g r u e n c e w h e n you make these sorts of proposals. Calibration may tell you that X lights a cigarette w h e n she is happy with the o u t c o m e . Y always looks d o w n w h e n he objects (so you ask what he would need to feel OK about the issue), Z bites his nails w h e n u n h a p p y T h e r e are so m a n y ways that you can be aware on a deeper level how the m e e t i n g is progressing a n d sidestep trouble before it arises. At the close of the meeting, use the backtrack frame and get agreement on progress and the o u t c o m e . Clearly define and get a g r e e m e n t on what actions are to be taken and by w h o m . S o m e t i m e s there is not a full a g r e e m e n t , so the close is d e p e n d e n t on certain actions. So you say s o m e t h i n g like, Tf this h a p p e n e d and if X did this a n d if we persuade Y that this is alright, then we proceed?' T h i s is known as a conditional close. A n c h o r the a g r e e m e n t with key words and future pace. W h a t will remind the participants to do w h a t they have agreed? Project the a g r e e m e n t out of the room and make sure it is c o n n e c t e d to other i n d e p e n d e n t events that c a n act as signals to r e m i n d the people to take the agreed action. Research has shown that we r e m e m b e r things best w h e n they o c c u r in the first or last few m i n u t e s of a m e e t i n g . Take advantage of this a n d place the important points at the b e g i n n i n g a n d the e n d of the meeting.

Meeting

Format

Summary

A) Before the meeting: 1. Set your o u t c o m e ( s ) and the evidence that will let you know that you have reached it ( t h e m ) . 2. D e t e r m i n e the m e m b e r s h i p and a g e n d a for the meeting. B) During the meeting: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Be in a resourceful state. U s e resource anchors if necessary. Establish rapport. G e t c o n s e n s u s on a shared o u t c o m e and the evidence for it. U s e the relevancy challenge to keep the m e e t i n g on track. If information is not available, use the As If frame. U s e the backtrack frame to s u m m a r i z e key a g r e e m e n t s .

7. K e e p m o v i n g towards your o u t c o m e , by u s i n g the M e t a M o d e l or a n y other tools n e e d e d . C) Closing the meeting: 1. C h e c k for c o n g r u e n c e and agreement of the other participants. 2. S u m m a r i z e the actions to be taken. U s e the backtrack frame to take advantage of the fact that we r e m e m b e r e n d i n g s more easily. 3. Test a g r e e m e n t if necessary. 4. U s e a conditional close if necessary. 5. Future pace the decisions.

NEGOTIATION N e g o t i a t i o n is c o m m u n i c a t i n g for the purpose of getting a joint decision, o n e that c a n be congruently agreed on both sides. It is the process of getting what you want from others by giving others what they want, and takes place in any m e e t i n g w h e r e interests conflict. W o u l d that it were as easy to do as it is to describe. T h e r e is a balance and a dance between your integrity, values and o u t c o m e s , and those of the other participants. T h e d a n c e of c o m m u n i c a t i o n goes back and forth, s o m e interests and values will be shared, s o m e o p p o s e d . In this sense, negotiation p e r m e a t e s everything we do. We are d e a l i n g here with the process of negotiation, rather than what you are actually n e g o t i a t i n g over. N e g o t i a t i o n often takes place about scarce resources. T h e key skill in negotiation is to dovetail outcomes: to fit them together so that everyone involved gets w h a t they want (although that m a y not be the s a m e as their d e m a n d at the b e g i n n i n g of the negotiation). T h e presupposition is that the best way to achieve your o u t c o m e is to make sure that everyone involved achieves theirs too. T h e opposite of dovetailing o u t c o m e s is m a n i p u l a t i o n , where other people's wants are disregarded. T h e r e are four dragons that lie in wait for those that practise manipulation: remorse, resentment, recrimination, a n d revenge. W h e n you negotiate by seeking to dovetail o u t c o m e s the other people involved b e c o m e your allies, not y o u r o p p o n e n t s . If a negotiation c a n be framed as allies s o l v i n g a c o m m o n problem, the problem is already partially solved. Dovetailing is finding that area of overlap.

Separate the people from the problem. It is worth r e m e m b e r i n g that most negotiations involve people with w h o m you have, or want, an o n g o i n g relationship. W h e t h e r y o u are n e g o t i a t i n g over a sale, a salary or a holiday, if you get w h a t you want at the other person's expense, or they think you have pulled a fast o n e , you will lose goodwill that m a y be worth m u c h m o r e in the long run than success in that o n e meeting. You will be n e g o t i a t i n g because you have different o u t c o m e s . You need to explore these differences, b e c a u s e they will point to areas where you can make trade-offs to mutual advantage. Interests that conflict at o n e level may be resolved if y o u c a n find ways of each party getting their o u t c o m e on a higher level. T h i s is where stepping up enables you to find and make u s e of alternative higher level o u t c o m e s . T h e initial o u t c o m e is only one way of achieving a higher level outcome. For e x a m p l e , in a negotiation over salary (initial o u t c o m e ) , m o r e m o n e y is only o n e way of obtaining a better quality of life (higher level o u t c o m e ) . T h e r e m a y be other ways of a c h i e v i n g a better quality of life if m o n e y is not available - longer holidays, or more flexible working hours, for example. S t e p p i n g up finds bridges across points of difference. People may want the same thing for different reasons. For example, i m a g i n e two people quarrelling over a p u m p k i n . T h e y both want it. However, w h e n they explain exactly w h y they want it, you find that o n e wants the fruit to make a pie, and the other wants t h e rind to make a H a l l o w e e n mask. Really they are not fighting over the s a m e thing

at all, M a n y conflicts disappear w h e n analysed this way. T h i s is a small e x a m p l e , but i m a g i n e all the different possibilities there are in any apparent disagreement. If there is a stalemate, and a person refuses to consider a particular step, you can ask the question, ' W h a t w o u l d have to h a p p e n for this not to be a problem?' or, ' U n d e r what circumstances w o u l d you be prepared to give way on this?' T h i s is a creative application of the As If frame a n d the answer c a n often break through the impasse. You are asking the person w h o m a d e the block to think of a way round it. Set your limits before you start. It is confusing and self-defeating to negotiate with yourself w h e n you need to be negotiating with s o m e o n e else. You n e e d w h a t R o g e r Fisher a n d William U r y in their marvellous book on negotiation, Getting to Yes, call a B A T N A , or Best Alternative To Negotiated A g r e e m e n t . W h a t will you do if despite all the efforts of both parties you cannot agree? H a v i n g a reasonable B A T N A gives you more leverage in the negotiation, and a greater sense of security Focus on interests and intentions rather t h a n behaviour. It is easy to get d r a w n into w i n n i n g points a n d c o n d e m n i n g behaviour, b u t really n o b o d y w i n s in these sorts of situations. A w i s e and durable a g r e e m e n t will take in c o m m u n i t y a n d ecological interests. A mutually-satisfying solution will be b a s e d on a dovetailing of interests, a w i n / w i n , not a win/lose m o d e l . So what is important is the p r o b l e m a n d not the people, the intentions not the behaviour, the interests of the parties not their positions. It is also essential to have an evidence procedure that is i n d e p e n d e n t of the parties involved. If the negotiation is framed as a joint search for a solution, it will be governed by principles and not pressure. Yield only to principle, not pressure. T h e r e are s o m e specific ideas to keep in m i n d while negotiating. Do not make an i m m e d i a t e counter-proposal i m m e d i a t e l y after the other side has made a proposal. T h i s is precisely the time w h e n they are least interested in your offering. D i s c u s s their proposal first. If you disagree, give the reasons first. S a y i n g you disagree i m m e d i a t e l y is a good way to make the other person deaf to your next few sentences. All good negotiators use a lot of questions. In fact two good negotiators will often start n e g o t i a t i n g over the n u m b e r of questions. 'I've answered three of your questions, now you answer some of mine . . Q u e s t i o n s give y o u t i m e to think, and they are an alternative to disagreement. It is far better to get the other person to see the weakness in his position by asking h i m questions about it, rather than

by telling h i m the weaknesses you perceive. G o o d negotiators also explicitly signal their questions. T h e y will say s o m e t h i n g like, ' M a y I ask you a question about that?' By d o i n g so they focus the attention of the m e e t i n g on the answer and make it difficult for the person questioned to e v a d e the point if he has agreed to answer the question. It w o u l d seem that the more reasons you give for your point of view the better. Phrases like 'the weight of the a r g u m e n t ' s e e m to suggest it is good to pile a r g u m e n t s on the scales until it comes d o w n on your side. In fact the opposite is true. T h e fewer reasons you give, the better, because a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. A weak a r g u m e n t dilutes a strong one, and if you are drawn i n t o d e f e n d i n g it, you are on poor ground. Beware of a person w h o says, 'Is that your only a r g u m e n t ? ' If you have a g o o d o n e , say, 'Yes'. Do not get drawn into giving another, necessarily weaker one. T h e follow up may be, ' Is that a / P If y o u take this bait y o u will just give h i m a m m u n i t i o n . Hopefully, if the negotiation is framed as a joint search for a solution, this sort of trick will not occur. Finally, you could use the as if frame and play the devil's to test the a g r e e m e n t ( ' N o , I don't really think this is going it all s e e m s too flimsy to me . . .'). If other people agree with know that there is still work to be d o n e . If they argue, all

Negotiation

advocate to work, you, you is well.

Checklist

A) Before the negotiation: Establish your B A T N A and your limits in the negotiation. B) During the negotiation: 1. Establish rapport. 2. Be clear about your o w n o u t c o m e and the evidence for it. Elicit o u t c o m e s of the other participants together with their evidence. 3. Frame the negotiation as a joint search for a solution. 4. Clarify major issues and obtain agreement on a large frame. Dovetail o u t c o m e s , step up if necessary to find a c o m m o n outcomeC h e c k that you have the congruent a g r e e m e n t of all parties to this c o m m o n outcome. 5. Break the o u t c o m e d o w n to identify areas of most and least agreement. 6. Starting with the easiest areas, m o v e to a g r e e m e n t u s i n g these trouble-shooting techniques:

N e g o t i a t i o n g o i n g off course ... Conflicting o u t c o m e s ... U n c e r t a i n t y ... Lack of information ... Stalemate ...

Relevancy challenge. Stepping u p and d o w n t o c o m m o n outcome. Backtrack. As If and the M e t a M o d e l . W h a t w o u l d have t o h a p p e n ?

Backtrack as a g r e e m e n t is reached in e a c h area, a n d finish w i t h the most difficult area. C^Closing the negotiation 1. 2. 3. 4.

Backtrack frame. Test a g r e e m e n t a n d test c o n g r u e n c e . Future pace. Write a g r e e m e n t down. AH participants have a signed copy.

Answers: 1. Tea and coffee - Beverages. 2. Yams and coffee - Cash crops. 3. Clinic and coffee - Six letter words beginning with 'c'. 4. Amphetamines and coffee - Stimulants. 5. Ignatia and coffee - Diuretics.

r CHAPTER

8 PSYCHOTHERAPY T h e f i r s t N L P m o d e l s came from psychotherapy. H o w e v e r N L P i s not restricted to psychotherapy, it was simply by historical accident that J o h n and R i c h a r d h a d access to exceptional performers in the d o m a i n of psychotherapy w h e n they b e g a n modelling. Structure of Magic 1 explored how we can limit our world by the way we use language, and how to use the M e t a M o d e l to break free of these limitations. The Structure of Magic 2 developed the t h e m e of representational systems and family therapy. From this basis, N L P has created m a n y powerful psychotherapy techniques, and this chapter will deal with three of the m a i n ones: the p h o b i a cure, the swish pattern and internal negotiation. It will also give some guide as to where they are best used. T h e overall frame around all such techniques is to use t h e m with w i s d o m , appreciating the person's external relationships and internal balance. T h e intention of N L P is always to give m o r e choices, never to take them away. T h e r e are two essential aspects for any therapist, or anyone who is helping another person make c h a n g e s in their life. T h e first is relationship. Build a n d m a i n t a i n rapport to establish an a t m o s p h e r e of trust. T h e s e c o n d is c o n g r u e n c e . You n e e d to be c o m p l e t e l y congruent about what you do to help the other person, i n c o n g r u e n c e on your part will give m i x e d messages, and reduce the effectiveness of the c h a n g e process. T h i s m e a n s that you n e e d to act c o n g r u e n t l y as if y o u believe the techniques will work. Relationship and c o n g r u e n c e are at a higher logical level than any technique that you can apply within them. U s e the o u t c o m e frame to gather information about the present state, the desired state, and the resources n e e d e d to move from o n e to the other. W i t h i n this o u t c o m e frame, be sensitive to w h a t you are seeing, hearing and feeling, and willing to respond to the person's c h a n g i n g concerns. O n l y inside all these frames do y o u

apply a technique. T h e techniques are fixed m e a n s . Be prepared to vary t h e m or a b a n d o n t h e m and use others to achieve the o u t c o m e .

FIRST

ORDER

CHANGE

H e r e is o n e way to think about where to apply these techniques. T h e simplest case would be where you want a single outcome: a different state or response in a given situation. T h i s is called a. first order change. For e x a m p l e , you may find yourself always getting angry with a particular person, or always feeling uncomfortable dealing w i t h s o m e o n e at work. Stage fright would be another example where public speaking or performing ' m a k e s ' you feel nervous and inadequate. S i m p l e reframes are a good way to start to change this sort of situation, discovering w h e n this response would be useful, and what else it could m e a n . A n c h o r i n g techniques are also suitable here. Collapsing, stacking or c h a i n i n g anchors will bring over resources from other contexts. T h e original behaviour or state was anchored, so you arc using the same process to c h a n g e the stuck state as was u s e d to create it. T h e N e w B e h a v i o u r G e n e r a t o r and mental rehearsal also work well if you n e e d a n e w skill or behaviour. S o m e t i m e s these a n c h o r i n g techniques will not work b e c a u s e a

person has an o v e r w h e l m i n g response to an object or situation. Past events can make it difficult to change direction in the present. C h a n g e Personal History may not work b e c a u s e there are traumatic past experiences that are difficult even to think about without feeling bad. T h e s e m a y have created a phobia, where an object or situation generates instant panic because they are associated with the past trauma. Phobias can vary e n o r m o u s l y : fear of spiders, fear of flying, fear of o p e n spaces. W h a t e v e r the cause, the response is o v e r w h e l m i n g anxiety. Phobias can take years to cure by conventional methods; N L P has a technique that can cure p h o b i a s in o n e session. It is s o m e t i m e s known as Visual/Kinesthetic (or V / K ) dissociation. R e m e m b e r to reread the cautionary note on page 55 before practising these techniques.

THE

PHOBIA

CURE

You can only feel in the present m o m e n t . A n y bad feeling from an unpleasant m e m o r y m u s t c o m e from the way y o u are r e m e m b e r i n g it. You felt bad back then. O n c e is e n o u g h . T h e easiest way to re-experience the bad feelings of a past event is to r e m e m b e r it as an associated picture. You m u s t be there, seeing what there was to see through your o w n eyes and feeling it again. T h i n k i n g back on a m e m o r y in a dissociated way by looking at yourself in the situation reduces the feeling in the present. T h i s is the crucial fact that allows you to erase the bad feelings associated with past events (what an apt phrase that is), so y o u can simply look back at them in perspective. If you want to work with a p h o b i a or a very unpleasant m e m o r y of your o w n , it is best to have a friend or colleague g u i d e you through these steps. A n o t h e r person will give you invaluable support w h e n you are d e a l i n g with difficult personal issues. T h e technique is described from the point of view of the guide or therapist. 1. T h e client is going on a difficult j o u r n e y into the past, so set up a powerful safety anchor. You can either establish a here-and-now anchor, or you can ask the client to think, associated, to a past experience where they felt very safe. Have t h e m see the scene, h e a r the s o u n d s , feel the secure feelings. A n c h o r this security kinesthetically, by touch. M a k e sure your t o u c h brings a feeling of security. H o l d i n g h a n d s works well; y o u will literally be in touch with what the person is feeling. You can hold the anchor throughout, or use it w h e n required.

2. Ask the client to i m a g i n e h i m s e l f in a c i n e m a or watching television, with a still, frozen i m a g e on the screen. W h e n that is established, ask t h e client to i m a g i n e floating out to watch himself or herself watching the screen. 3. H a v e the client float back a l o n g their timeline to the unpleasant event, or to the very first incident that set up the p h o b i a . It m a y not always be possible to get the first, but get the earliest possible. Have the client run a film of this incident from just before the start, w h e n he was safe, through to a point w h e n the i m m e d i a t e danger was past, and he was safe again. T h a t has taken o n e sentence to describe, but will take s o m e time in reality. T h e client will be s e e i n g this in a d o u b l e dissociated state, w a t c h i n g h i m s e l f watching a younger self go through the experience on screen. T h i s m a i n t a i n s the necessary emotional distance. From this position A in the d i a g r a m , the client watches his own physiology in position B as he watches the screen. If his physiology starts to collapse into the phobic state, have h i m blank the screen immediately. Ask h i m to start the m o v i e a g a i n , a n d ask h i m to c h a n g e the submodalities of the picture on the screen, for e x a m p l e m a k i n g it darker, smaller, or further away, in order to reduce the intensity of the negative feelings. T h i s is all part of c o m i n g to terms with the experience.

T h i s takes t i m e and your exquisite attention. Be creative and flexible to help the client within the basic process. You need to be precise w i t h your l a n g u a g e as y o u g u i d e the client through the experience, speaking to him, here, now, w a t c h i n g himself, there, i^tchingbisyounger self in the picture, backthen. If at any time the client falls back into the feeling, c o m e back to the here and now, reestablish the comfort a n c h o r and start again. ( O n l y if the client wishes, of course.) Yo m a y need to reassure the client by saying s o m e t h i n g like, 'You are safe, here, p r e t e n d i n g to watch a movie.' T h i s stage is complete w h e n the client has watched it all the way through in comfort. 4. W h e n the film experienced this negative feelings the d i a g r a m , A perspective with

is over, congratulate the client for h a v i n g refor the first t i m e w i t h o u t collapsing into those old and have the client float back into his body. In joi ns back to B. T h i s will integrate the visual the actual b o d y position.

5. N o w the client i m a g i n e s stepping into the screen to give his y o u n g e r self m u c h n e e d e d support and e n c o u r a g e m e n t . He can reassure his y o u n g e r self, 'I am from the future, you survived, it's O K . You never have to go through it again.' T h e present day person with strength a n d resources k n o w i n g what he knows, c a n cope with the incident. If the original incident involved g e n u i n e danger, it is stUl alright to have s o m e anxiety about it. For e x a m p l e , if the p h o b i a was of snakes, it is still useful to have a healthy respect for snakes and the d a n g e r they m a y pose, but the disabling fear is useless, a n d will have vanished. 6. W h e n the y o u n g e r person understands, ask the client to b r i n g the y o u n g e r self back from the screen into his own body, a n d allow s o m e quiet time to recover and integrate the profound c h a n g e s that will have taken place. 7. Future pace. A s k the client to i m a g i n e (associated) the next time that he would have expected to feel the fear. T h i s m a y b r i n g a slight anxiety, but not the previous full blown fear. We all carry s o m e b u r d e n on our shoulders of past fear and limitation. E a s i n g this load is a fine gift to give yourself and others. In a way phobias are quite an achievement; a strong, d e p e n d a b l e response b a s e d on just o n e experience. People never forget to have the phobic response. T h e closest to h a v i n g a 'good p h o b i a ' s e e m s to be 'love at first sight'. It would be nice to give ourselves a n d others g o o d phobias. H o w is it that s o m e o n e c a n learn to be consistently a n d

d e p e n d a b l y frightened of spiders and yet not learn in the same d e p e n d a b l e consistent way to feel good at the sight of a loved person's face? Marriages can and do break up because o n e or both of the partners does an u n c o n s c i o u s 'phobia cure' on their good feelings, dissociating from the good times, and associating with the bad. T h e swish pattern is a powerful technique that uses critical s u b m o d a l i t y changes. It works on a specific behaviour you would rather be without, or responses y o u would rather not make. It is a g o o d technique to use on u n w a n t e d habits. T h e swish pattern changes a problem state or behaviour by g o i n g in a n e w direction. It does not simply replace the behaviour, it produces a generative change.

THE

SWISH

PATTERN

1. First identify a specific behaviour that y o u wish to change. Nail biting, overeating, or s m o k i n g would be examples. You could also take a situation where you would like to respond m o r e resourcefully, perhaps in d e a l i n g w i t h a particular person. 2. Treat this limitation as an achievement. H o w do you know w h e n to have the problem or behaviour? W h a t are the specific cues that generate it? I m a g i n e y o u have to teach s o m e o n e this limitation, w h a t would they have to do? T h e r e m u s t always be a definite and specific c u e that triggers the response. If the cue is internal, generated from your thoughts, make it an i m a g e exactly as you experience it. If it is an external cue, picture it exactly as it happens: as an associated picture. For e x a m p l e , the cue for nail biting m i g h t be a picture of your h a n d a p p r o a c h i n g y o u r m o u t h . ( T h e swish is easiest with visual images, a l t h o u g h it is possible to do it with auditory or kinesthetic cues by working with auditory or kinesthetic submodalities.) 3. Identify at least two visual submodalities of the cue picture that change your reaction to it. Size and brightness usually work well. For a majority of people increasing the size and the brightness of an i m a g e will give it greater impact. However, there m a y be others that are equally effective. Test these two submodalities on another i m a g e to check they have the desired effect. T h e y must be submodalities that you can vary c o n t i n u o u s l y over a range. Break state by thinking of s o m e t h i n g different for a m o m e n t before c o n t i n u i n g .

4. Next, think how you would really like to be, the sort of person w h o w o u l d respond differendy, w h o w o u l d not have this limitation. H o w would you see yourself if you had m a d e the desired change? You w o u l d have more choices, be m o r e capable, you c o u l d c o m e closer to the person you really want to be. T h e i m a g e should be of yourself w i t h desired qualities, not b e h a v i n g in a specific way. T h e picture m u s t be dissociated to be m o t i v a t i n g and attractive. An associated picture will give you the feeling that you have the change already, a n d therefore it will not motivate you. C h e c k that the new self-image is ecological, and fits into y o u r personality, environment and relationships. You m a y n e e d to m a k e s o m e adjustments as you try it on. T h i n k about the resources this self-image w o u l d have. It will n e e d resources to deal with the intention of the old behaviour. M a k e sure the image is balanced, believable and not closely tied to any particular situation. A l s o be sure that the image is c o m p e l l i n g e n o u g h that it produces a marked shift to a more positive state. N o w break state and think of s o m e t h i n g different. 5. Take the c u e picture a n d make it bright and large if those are the identified critical submodalities. In the corner of this picture put a small, dark picture of the new self-image. Now, take the large bright image of the limitation and very quickly make it small a n d dark, while at the same time m a k i n g the new self-image picture large and bright. S p e e d is of the essence. M a k e sure the old i m a g e fades as the n e w o n e grows simultaneously. It can help if you imagine, or actually say a sound that represents this, 'Whoosh!' or 'Swish!' Let the sound represent the excitement you feel about b e c o m i n g the new self-image. C l e a r the screen. Repeat this five times fast. Brains work fast. H a v e you ever had the experience of describing a process to s o m e o n e , and feeling that she was d o i n g it as you described it? You are right. She was, ( T h i n k of your front d o o r . . . but not just yet ,) 1

C l e a r the screen briefly after e a c h swish by s e e i n g s o m e t h i n g different, A 'reverse swish' will just cancel the positive swish. M a k e sure it is a o n e - w a y ticket. If it does not work after five repeats, do not keep d o i n g s o m e t h i n g that does not work. Be creative. T h e critical submodalities m a y need to be adjusted, or perhaps the desired self-image is not c o m p e l l i n g e n o u g h . T h e process works. W h o in their right m i n d w o u l d keep a p r o b l e m b e h a v i o u r in t h e face of a set of such alluring, n e w capabilities?

6. W h e n y o u are satisfied, test the result by future pacing. T h i n k of the cue. D o e s it produce the same response? N e x t time y o u are in the situation look for the n e w response. N L P techniques, like brains, work fast and efficiently. We effectively swish ourselves into all kinds of trouble without ever realizing it. N o w we can consciously use the s a m e process to go s o m e w h e r e more appealing, T h e s e techniques show you can quickly change your direction without strain or pain,

SECOND

ORDER

CHANGE

S e c o n d order change is w h e n there are multiple o u t c o m e s and secondary considerations involved. All therapy probably involves second order c h a n g e , as the n e w resource or response will need to be supported by s o m e growth a n d rebalancing in the rest of the personality. First order c h a n g e is where this takes care of itself, or is slight e n o u g h to be ignored. S e c o n d order c h a n g e is best used to describe what is n e e d e d where the secondary o u t c o m e s are strong e n o u g h to block the main desired o u t c o m e . Six step reframing is a good t e c h n i q u e for dealing with secondary o u t c o m e s .

INTERNAL

CONFLICT

If there are different ideas in conflict, negotiation skills can be used b e t w e e n the different parts of our personality. R e s o l v i n g a problem involves achieving a balance in the present that is at least as powerful as the old one. B e c a u s e balance is d y n a m i c and not static, conflicts are b o u n d to develop b e t w e e n different parts of our personality that e m b o d y different values, beliefs and capabilities. You m a y want incompatible experiences. T h e r e m a y be familiar situations w h e n you are interrupted by another part w i t h conflicting d e m a n d s . Yet if you yield to that, the first part makes you feel bad. T h e upshot is often that you enjoy neither activity. W h e n y o u are relaxing, another part will conjure up vivid visions of all the work you should be doing. If you work, all you want to do is relax. If this sort of conflict is familiar and spoiling both activities, it is t i m e for a truce.

Internal

Conflict

Resolution

1. Clearly identify and separate the parts. T h e y will s e e m to be m a k i n g conflicting d e m a n d s . For e x a m p l e , one part m a y want freedom and leisure, another the security of a steady i n c o m e . Or o n e m a y be very careful with money, the other very extravagant. O n e part may be overly c o n c e r n e d with pleasing people, while the other resents the d e m a n d s they make. Each part will make negative value j u d g e m e n t s about the other. S o m e parts are built on parental values, and these m a y coexist uneasily w i t h parts you have built from y o u r own life experience. All parts have s o m e t h i n g valuable to offer. 2. G e t a clear representation of e a c h part. If there are two parts, o n e could go on each h a n d , or you c o u l d seat t h e m beside you on chairs. G e t a full visual, kinesthetic a n d auditory representation of each part. W h a t do they look like? H o w do they feel? W h a t do they s o u n d like? Are there any words or phrases that could characterize them? H a v e both parts survey y o u r timeline, present and future, to define themselves, their personal history and direction. 3. Find out the intention of each part. Appreciate they each have a positive intention. Step up to as high a level as you n e e d to for the parts to agree on a shared o u t c o m e . Both will probably agree on your c o n t i n u e d well-being, a n d both m u s t agree to reach an agreement. Start to negotiate, just as if y o u were dealing w i t h real people. If the parts are seriously at o d d s , the only shared a g r e e m e n t might be the c o n t i n u e d survival of the person. 4. Negotiate. W h a t resources does e a c h part have that would help the other part to realize its concerns? W h a t trade-offs can be made? H o w m i g h t they co-operate? W h a t does each part want from the other for each to be satisfied? It will b e c o m e clear that their conflict is actually preventing t h e m from realizing their intentions. G e t each part to agree to give a signal w h e n s o m e t h i n g is n e e d e d , like m o r e time, permission, attention or appreciation. 5. Ask each part if it is willing to integrate w i t h the other to solve their shared problems. It is not crucial that they do c o m e together. It m a y be better for the parts to stay apart (in a m a n n e r of speaking). B u t if they are willing to integrate, bring t h e m both into your b o d y physically in a way that feels right for you. If the parts have b e e n in your h a n d s , visually squash t h e m , by clasping your h a n d s together. T h e n create a picture, s o u n d and feeling of the new, integrated part and take it into yourself only as fast as feels right.

Allow some quiet t i m e to appreciate the change. T h i s new part m a y like to review your timeline, reframing past events and experiences in the light of your n e w k n o w l e d g e and understanding. D u r i n g this negotiation other parts m a y surface. T h e d e e p e r the conflict, the more likely that this will h a p p e n . All may n e e d to join the negotiation. V i r g i n i a Satir used to arrange 'Parts Parties' w h e r e different people would enact the different parts of the client, w h o w o u l d direct the unfolding drama. Parts negotiation is a powerful m e a n s of resolving conflicts on a d e e p level. You can never banish conflict. W i t h i n limits, it is a healthy and necessary preliminary to rebalancing. T h e richness and w o n d e r of b e i n g h u m a n c o m e s from diversity, a n d maturity and h a p p i n e s s from balance and co-operation between the different aspects of yourself.

CHAPTER

9 LEARNING

AS

MODELLING

As h u m a n b e i n g s , we are all naturally gifted learners. For m a n y of us, this process slows d o w n as we grow older. For s o m e , learning continues u n a b a t e d for a lifetime. W h e n we are g r o w i n g up, we teach ourselves to walk and talk by b e i n g with people w h o do these things. On a daily basis, we take actions (our first tentative steps), notice o u r results (falling over repeatedly), and c h a n g e o u r actions accordingly (leaning on chairs and people). In essence, this is learning by modelling. As we grow older, we t e n d to reinterpret this natural learning process as a series of tiny 'successes' a n d 'failures'. W i t h reinforcement from parents and peers, we b e g i n to long for the 'successes' and fear the 'failures'. It s e e m s that this fear of 'doing it wrong', m o r e than anything else, is h o w we learn to inhibit our natural learning processes. M a r k Twain o n c e said that if people learned to walk a n d talk the way they were taught to read a n d write, everyone would l i m p a n d stutter. So w h a t are s o m e of the differences b e t w e e n the way we learn naturally and the ways that do not work so well? It m a y be useful at this point to c o m p a r e this natural learning process with J o h n and Richard's first exploration of modelling.

HOW

NLP

MODELLING

BEGAN

W h e n J o h n a n d Richard m e t and b e c a m e friends at the U n i v e r s i t y of California, S a n t a C r u z , in 1972, J o h n was an Assistant Professor of Linguistics and R i c h a r d was in his final year at the college. Richard had a strong interest in Gestalt therapy. He h a d d o n e a study and m a d e s o m e v i d e o tapes of Fritz Perls at work for his friend B o b Spitzer, w h o o w n e d the publishers, Science and B e h a v i o u r Books. T h e s e tapes

later went to m a k e up a book called Eyewitness Tb Therapy. Bob Spitzer o w n e d property n e a r Santa C r u z , and used to let it out to his friends. Gregory B a t e s o n was l i v i n g there at the t i m e , a n d R i c h a r d moved into a house on the s a m e property, a stone's throw from Bateson. Richard started leading weekly Gestalt e n c o u n t e r groups, charging participants $ 5 . 0 0 a night. He re-established contact with J o h n G r i n d e r a n d got h i m interested e n o u g h in Gestalt to c o m e to these groups. W h e n J o h n c a m e , h e was intrigued. Richard k n e w h e could successfully run Gestalt groups, but he wanted to know exactly how he did it, and w h i c h patterns were effective. T h e r e is a big difference between having a skill a n d k n o w i n g explicitly h o w you succeed with it. J o h n and R i c h a r d m a d e a deal, Richard would show J o h n how he did Gestalt therapy, and J o h n w o u l d teach Richard what it was that h e was doing. S o J o h n w o u l d g o t o the M o n d a y night g r o u p and m o d e l R i c h a r d , Richard w o u l d indicate w h a t he believed were the important patterns by p o i n t i n g with h i s eyes and u s i n g different voice intonations. J o h n learnt very quickly. It took h i m two m o n t h s to unpack the patterns and be able to perform like Richard. He used to do what they called a 'repeat miracle' g r o u p on T h u r s d a y night. People got the same miracles in their lives on T h u r s d a y night from J o h n that others had already had on M o n d a y night from Richard. R i c h a r d then got a j o b o b s e r v i n g and v i d e o t a p i n g a m o n t h - l o n g training p r o g r a m m e that V i r g i n i a Satir was h o l d i n g in C a n a d a for family therapists. R i c h a r d h a d met Virginia before a n d they were already on friendly terms. T h r o u g h o u t the p r o g r a m m e , he was isolated in his o w n little recording room except for the m i c r o p h o n e s to the s e m i n a r room. He had a split e a r p h o n e and would m o n i t o r recording levels through o n e e a r a n d play tapes of Pink Floyd through the other. In the last week V i r g i n i a had set up a counselling situation and asked h o w the participants w o u l d deal with it, using the materia! that she had been teaching t h e m . T h e participants s e e m e d stuck. Richard c a m e storming d o w n from his room a n d successfully dealt with the problem. A n d V i r g i n i a said, ' T h a t ' s exactly right.' R i c h a r d found himself in the strange situation of k n o w i n g m o r e about Virginia's therapeutic patterns t b a n anyone else, without consciously trying to learn them at all. J o h n m o d e l l e d s o m e of V i r g i n i a Satir's patterns from R i c h a r d and m a d e t h e m explicit. T h e i r efficiency was improving. T h i s time they did it in three weeks, instead of two m o n t h s . Now

they had a d o u b l e description of effective therapy;

two

c o m p l e m e n t a r y and contrasting models; V i r g i n i a Satir and Fritz Perls. T h e fact that they were totally different characters and would not have b e e n able to coexist amicably in the same room m a d e t h e m especially valuable examples. T h e therapeutic patterns they had in c o m m o n were m u c h clearer b e c a u s e their personal styles were so different. T h e y c o n t i n u e d and modelled M i l t o n Erickson next, a d d i n g a rich collection of hypnotic patterns. T h e process of m o d e l l i n g out the skills of o u t s t a n d i n g performers in business, education, health care, etc., is unusually productive and has grown rapidly in range and sophistication since the early days.

MODELLING So m o d e l l i n g is at the heart of N L P . N L P is the study of excellence, and modelling is the process that makes explicit the behavioural patterns of excellence. W h a t are the behavioural patterns of successful people? H o w do they achieve their results? W h a t do they do that is different from people w h o are not successful? W h a t is the difference that makes the difference? T h e answers to these questions have generated all the skills, techniques and presuppositions associated with NLP, M o d e l l i n g can be simply defined as the process of replicating h u m a n excellence. Explanations of why s o m e people excel m o r e than others usually cite inborn talent. N L P by-passes this explanation by exploring how we can excel as quickly as possible. By using our m i n d a n d b o d y in the s a m e way as a peak performer, we can i m m e d i a t e l y increase the quality of our actions and o u r results. N L P m o d e l s what is possible, b e c a u s e real h u m a n b e i n g s have actually d o n e it. T h e r e are three phases in the full m o d e l l i n g process. T h e first phase involves b e i n g with your m o d e l while he is d o i n g the behaviour that you are interested in. D u r i n g this first phase, you i m a g i n e yourself in his reality, u s i n g second position skills, and do what he does until y o u can create roughly the same results. You focus on what he does (behaviour and physiology), how he does it (internal thinking strategies) and why he d o e s it (the supporting beliefs and assumptions). T h e what you can get from direct observation. T h e how a n d why you explore by asking questions. In the s e c o n d phase you systematically take out e l e m e n t s of the m o d e l ' s behaviour to see what makes a difference. If you leave s o m e t h i n g out, and it makes little difference, t h e n it is not necessary.

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Introducing Nturo-Lmguistic Programming

If you leave s o m e t h i n g out a n d it does make a difference to the results you get, then it is an essential part of the model. You refine the m o d e l a n d b e g i n to understand it consciously d u r i n g this phase. T h i s is the exact opposite of traditional learning patterns. Traditional learning says add pieces a bit at a time, until you have them all. However, this way you cannot easily know what is essential. M o d e l l i n g , which is the basis of accelerated learning, gets all the elements, and then subtracts to find what is n e e d e d . T h e third and final phase is d e s i g n i n g a way to teach the skill to others. A good teacher will be able to create an e n v i r o n m e n t , so her students learn for themselves h o w to get the results. M o d e l s are designed to be simple a n d testable. You do not n e e d to k n o w w h y they work, just as you do not n e e d to understand w h y or how cars work to drive one. If y o u are lost in the m a z e of h u m a n behaviour, you n e e d a m a p to find your way a r o u n d , not a psychological analysis of why y o u want to find your way out of the labyrinth in the first place. M o d e l l i n g in any field gives results a n d techniques, a n d also further tools for modelling. N L P is generative because its results can be applied to make it even m o r e effective. N L P is a 'bootstrap p r o g r a m m e ' for personal d e v e l o p m e n t . You can m o d e l y o u r own creative and resourceful states and so be able to enter t h e m at will. A n d with more resources a n d creativity at your disposal you can b e c o m e yet more resourceful and creative . , . If you model successfully, you will get the s a m e results as your model, a n d you do not have to m o d e l excellence. To find out how a person is creative, or how he m a n a g e s to b e c o m e depressed, you ask the same key questions. 'If I had to stand in for you for a day, what would I have to do to think and behave like you? Each person brings his o w n u n i q u e resources and personality to what he does. You cannot b e c o m e another Einstein, B e e t h o v e n , or Edison. To achieve and think exactly like t h e m you would n e e d their u n i q u e physiology and personal history. N L P d o e s not c l a i m anyone can be an Einstein, however it does say that anyone c a n think like an Einstein, and apply those ways of thinking, should he choose, in his life; in d o i n g this, he will c o m e closer to the full flower of his own personal genius, and his o w n u n i q u e expression of excellence. In summary, you c a n m o d e l a n y h u m a n behaviour if you can m a s t e r the beliefs, the physiology and the specific t h o u g h t processes, that is, the strategies, that lie behind it. Before going on to explore these in m o r e detail, it is worth r e m e m b e r i n g that we are only t o u c h i n g the

Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming

183

surface of a d o m a i n as vast as o u r o w n future potential.

BELIEFS T h e beliefs that we each have about ourselves, others and the way the world is have a major impact on the quality of our experience. Because of the 'self-fulfilling prophecy effect', beliefs influence behaviour. T h e y can support particular behaviour or inhibit it. T h i s is why m o d e l l i n g beliefs is so important. O n e of the simplest ways to m o d e l the beliefs of people with o u t s t a n d i n g abilities is to ask t h e m questions about why they do what they do. T h e answers they give you will be rich with insights into their beliefs and values. T h e r e is a story of a child in R o m e w h o spent hours watching a strange y o u n g m a n working intently. Finally, the boy spoke. 'Signore, w h y are you hitting that rock?' M i c h e l a n g e l o looked up from his work and answered, 'Because there's an angel inside and it wants to c o m e out.' Beliefs will generally take o n e of three m a i n forms. T h e y can be beliefs about what things m e a n . For e x a m p l e , if you believe that life is basically a competitive struggle and then y o u die, you are likely to have a very different experience of life than if you believe that it is a kind of spiritual school with m a n y rich and fulfilling lessons on offer. Beliefs c a n also so give rise to the beliefs about what to our values and

be about what causes what (cause and effect) and rules we choose to live by. Or again they can be is important and what matters most, so giving rise criteria.

In m o d e l l i n g out beliefs, you want to focus on those that are m o s t relevant to a n d supportive of the particular skills and c o m p e t e n c i e s that you are interested in. S o m e g o o d questions to elicit beliefs and metaphors are: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

W h y do you do what you do? W h a t does that m e a n to you? W h a t would h a p p e n if y o u didn't do that? W h a t is that like? W h a t do you c o m p a r e it to? W h a t is e m p o w e r i n g to you about this?

O n c e y o u have elicited the beliefs of your model, you c a n b e g i n to experiment with t h e m for yourself. W h e n you go b e y o n d simple u n d e r s t a n d i n g a n d actually 'try on a b e l i e f to 'see how it fits', the

difference c a n be profound. You do this by simply a c t i n g for a t i m e as if the belief were true and noticing what changes w h e n y o u do. O n e of Einstein's core beliefs was that the universe is a friendly place. I m a g i n e h o w different the world m i g h t s e e m if y o u were to act as if that were true. W h a t n e w actions would you take if you believed that? W h a t would you do differently? W h a t else would y o u be capable of? If y o u realize that the only thing between you and what you want is a belief, you can b e g i n to adopt a new one by simply acting as if it were true.

PHYSIOLOGY I m a g i n e for a m o m e n t that you are looking at a very small baby. As the baby looks up at you, eyes o p e n wide, you flash it an e n o r m o u s smile. T h e baby coos in delight a n d smiles right back at you. By m a t c h i n g y o u r physiology, in this instance your smile, the b a b y experiences a bit of your delight in watching it. T h i s is a p h e n o m e n o n known as entrainment - where b a b i e s u n c o n s c i o u s l y b e g i n to m i m i c exactly the expressions, patterns a n d m o v e m e n t s of the people around t h e m . As adults, taking on the expressions, tonalities and m o v e m e n t s of the people around us can enable us to replicate their inner state, w h i c h will allow us access to previously u n t a p p e d e m o t i o n a l resources. Take a m o m e n t now to think of s o m e o n e y o u admire or respect. I m a g i n e how he would be sitting if he were reading this book. H o w would he be breathing? W h a t kind of expression would he have on his face? N o w actually shift your b o d y until y o u are sitting and breathing in the s a m e way with the s a m e expression. N o t i c e the n e w thoughts and feelings that arise as you do this. W i t h s o m e skills, replicating physiology m a y be the most important part. To m o d e l an excellent skier, for example, you w o u l d watch him ski until you begin to move your body in the same way. T h i s will give you an experience of what it is like to do w h a t he does, and you m a y even have s o m e intuitions about w h a t it is like to be that person, or at least to be inside that body. By precisely mirroring the patterns of m o v e m e n t , posture and e v e n breathing, you will b e g i n to feel the s a m e way as h i m on the inside. You will have gained access to resources that m a y have taken h i m years to discover.

STRATEGIES T h i n k i n g strategies are perhaps the least o b v i o u s c o m p o n e n t of modelling. For that we reason, we will look at strategies in depth before m o v i n g on to look at other aspects of m o d e l l i n g . Strategies are h o w you organize your thoughts and behaviour to a c c o m p l i s h a task. Strategies always aim for a positive goal. T h e y can be switched on or off by beliefs; to succeed in a task, you n e e d to believe you can do it, otherwise you will not c o m m i t yourself fully. You must also believe you deserve to do it, and be prepared to put in the necessary practice or preparation. Also, you m u s t believe it is worth doing. T h e task m u s t e n g a g e your interest or curiosity. T h e strategies we use are part of o u r perceptual filters, they d e t e r m i n e h o w we perceive the world. T h e r e is a little g a m e that eloquently makes this point. Read the following sentence a n d count how m a n y times you see the letter ' F \ FINISHED FILES A R E T H E RESULT OF Y E A R S OF S C I E N T I F IC STUDY C O M B I N E D W I T H THE E X P E R I E N C E OF M A N Y YEARS. Easy? T h e interesting thing is that different people see different n u m b e r s of 'F's and they are all sure they are right. A n d so they are, each in their own reality. M o s t people get three 'F's on their first pass, but a few see more. R e m e m b e r , if w h a t you are d o i n g is not working, do s o m e t h i n g different. In fact do s o m e t h i n g very different. Go through the sentence backwards letter by letter. H o w m a n y 'F's were you conscious of at first and how m a n y were y o u u n c o n s c i o u s of? T h e reason you m i s s e d some of t h e m was probably b e c a u s e y o u said the words to yourself and were relying on the s o u n d of the 'F's to alert you to their presence. 'F' sounds like 'V in the word 'of. As soon as you look at every word backwards so that the letters do not link together to m a k e a familiar word, the 'F's are easily seen. We asked how m a n y times you see the letter 'F', not h o w m a n y times you h e a r it. T h e world seems different w h e n you c h a n g e strategies.

A

RECIPE

FOR

SUCCESS

To understand strategies think of a master chef. If you use his recipe, you will probably be able to cook as well as he does, or very close.

A strategy is a successful recipe. To m a k e a wonderfully tasty dish, you need to know three basic t h i n g s . You n e e d to know what the ingredients are. You n e e d to k n o w h o w m u c h of e a c h ingredient to use, and the quality of e a c h ingredient. A n d you need to k n o w the correct order of steps. It makes a big difference to the cake whether y o u add the e g g s before, during, or after y o u put it in the oven to bake. T h e order in which you do things in a strategy is just as crucial, even if it all h a p p e n s in a couple of s e c o n d s . T h e ingredients of a strategy are the representational systems, a n d the a m o u n t s a n d quality are the submodalities. To m o d e l a strategy you need: 1. T h e ingredients (representational systems). 2. T h e a m o u n t s and quality of e a c h (submodalities). 3. T h e s e q u e n c e of the steps. S u p p o s e you have a friend w h o is very skilled in s o m e field. It could be interior design, b u y i n g clothes, teaching maths, getting up in the m o r n i n g , or b e i n g the life and soul of the party. H a v e your friend either do that behaviour, or think back to a specific time w h e n he was d o i n g it. M a k e sure you have rapport a n d he is in an associated congruent state. Ask, ' W h a t was the very first thing you d i d , or thought, in this situation?' It will be s o m e t h i n g they saw ( V ) , heard ( A ) or felt ( K ) . W h e n you have this, ask, ' W h a t was the very next thing that h a p p e n e d ? ' C o n t i n u e until y o u have gone all the way t h r o u g h the experience. Your questions and observations, perhaps using the M e t a M o d e l , will find out what representation systems the person is using and in w h a t order. T h e n ask about t h e submodalities of all the V A K representations you discovered. You will find accessing cues and predicates very helpful in directing your questions. For example, if you ask, ' W h a t c o m e s next?' and the person says, 'I don't know,' and looks up, you m i g h t ask if they are s e e i n g a n y mental picture as the next step for them could be visual internal. If you ask and the person replies, T don't know, it just seems clear to me,' you again w o u l d ask about internal pictures. In the strategy the senses m a y be turned towards the outside world, or be used internally. If they are b e i n g used internally, you will be able to discover if they are b e i n g u s e d to r e m e m b e r or construct by watching the eye accessing cues.

Introducing Nmro-Linguutic Programming

187

For example, s o m e o n e m a y have a motivation strategy that starts by looking at the work he has to do (visual external) ( V ) . He then constructs an internal picture of the work finished (visual internal constructed) ( V ' ) , gets a good feeling (kinesthetic internal) ( K ) and tells himself he had better get started (auditory dialogue) ( A ' ° ) . If you wanted to motivate this person you would say s o m e t h i n g like, 'Look at this work, think how good you'll feel w h e n it's finished, here, (hear, phonological ambiguity), y o u ' d better get started.' e

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Total strategy V

e

> V'

c

> K

;

> A

i d

You would n e e d a quite different approach for s o m e o n e w h o looks at the work ( V ) , and asks himself { A ^ ) , ' W h a t would h a p p e n if I did not complete this:" He constructs possible c o n s e q u e n c e s ( V ) , and feels bad ( K ) . He does not want this feeling and those c o n s e q u e n c e s , so he starts. T h e first person is g o i n g for the good feeling. T h e second person is avoiding the bad feeling. You could motivate the first person by giving h i m t e m p t i n g futures and the second by threatening reprisals. e

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1

Teachers, managers, trainers all need to motivate people, so k n o w i n g these strategies is very useful. Everyone has a b u y i n g strategy, and good salespeople will not give everybody the same set talk. S o m e people n e e d to see a product, talk it over with themselves until they get the feeling they want it. Others m a y n e e d to hear about it, feel it is a good idea and see themselves u s i n g it before b u y i n g . G o o d salesmen c h a n g e their approach accordingly if they really want to satisfy their customers. It is essential for teachers to understand a n d respond to different children's learning strategies. S o m e children m a y n e e d to listen to the teacher and then make internal pictures to understand a idea. Others may n e e d some visual representation first. A picture may be worth a t h o u s a n d words, b u t a lot d e p e n d s on w h o is looking at it. S o m e students would rather have a t h o u s a n d words any day. A teacher w h o insists that there is only o n e right way of l e a r n i n g is liable to be insisting that everyone ought to use his strategy. T h i s makes it hard for m a n y of his students w h o do not share it. I n s o m n i a c s could learn a strategy for going to sleep. T h e y c o u l d start by attending to the relaxed bodily sensations ( K ) while telling themselves in a slow, drowsy voice ( A ) h o w comfortable they are. T h e i r existing strategy m a y involve p a y i n g attention to all the uncomfortable sensations in their body, while listening to a loud, a n x i o u s internal voice telling t h e m how difficult it is to go to sleep. 1

l d

A d d s o m e fast m o v i n g , bright and colourful pictures and they have an excellent strategy for staying awake, quite the opposite of what they want. Strategies create results. A r e they the results y o u want? Do you arrive where you want to go? A n y strategy, like a train, works perfectly well, but if you get on the w r o n g one . . . you will go s o m e w h e r e you do not want to go. D o n ' t b l a m e the train.

MUSIC

STRATEGY

A good e x a m p l e of s o m e of these ideas c o m e s from a study carried out by o n e of the authors on the way talented m u s i c i a n s m e m o r i z e music; how they are able to retain sequences of m u s i c after only one or two hearings. T h e students were asked to clap or sing back short pieces of m u s i c , and their strategy was elicited by asking questions, watching accessing cues a n d noticing predicates. T h e most successful students shared several patterns. T h e y consistently adopted a particular posture, eye position and breathing pattern, usually with the h e a d tilted to o n e side and the eyes looking downwards while listening. T h e y t u n e d their b o d i e s to the m u s i c . As they listened, ( A ) , they got an overall feeling for the m u s i c ( K ) . T h i s was often described as the ' m o o d ' or 'imprint' of the piece. T h i s feeling represented the piece as a w h o l e , and their relationship to it. e

1

T h e next step was to form s o m e visual representation of the music. M o s t students visualized s o m e sort of graph with the vertical axis representing the rise and fall of pitch, and the horizontal axis used to represent duration in time ( V ^ ) . T h e longer or m o r e difficult the piece, the m o r e the on this image to g u i d e t h e m through. T h e i m a g e was clear, focused, and at a comfortable distance to read. visualized a stave with the exact n o t e values just like a was not essential.

students relied always bright, S o m e students score, b u t this

T h e feeling, sound and picture were built up together on the first listening. T h e feeling gave an overall context for the detailed image. Subsequent hearings were used to fix parts of the tune that were stilt uncertain. T h e harder the tune, the m o r e important these feeling and visual m e m o r i e s were. T h e students reheard the t u n e mentally i m m e d i a t e l y after it had finished, in its original tonality, and usually at a m u c h faster speed, rather like the fast forward m o d e on a v i d e o recorder { A ' ) . c

All students reheard the tune, usually in its original tonality {A ) , while s i n g i n g or clapping it back. T h e y also reviewed the picture, and kept the overall feeling in m i n d . T h i s gave them three ways of storing and retrieving the piece. T h e y broke the m u s i c d o w n into smaller sections, and noticed repetitive patterns in b o t h pitch and rhythm. T h e s e were r e m e m b e r e d visually, even after o n e hearing. r

R e m e m b e r i n g m u s i c s e e m s to involve a strong auditory memory, but this study showed it is a synesthesia. It is h e a r i n g the picture of the feeling of the tune. T h e y heard the tune, created a feeling to represent the piece as a whole, and u s e d w h a t they heard and felt to form a picture of the m u s i c . T h e basic strategy is A > K > > A . T h i s strategy illustrates some general points about effective m e m o r i z a t i o n a n d learning. T h e more representations you have of the material the m o r e y o u are likely to r e m e m b e r it. T h e more of your neurology y o u c o m m i t , the stronger the memory. T h e best students also had the ability to move b e t w e e n representational systems, s o m e t i m e s c o n c e n t r a t i n g on the feeling, s o m e t i m e s on the picture, d e p e n d i n g on the sort of m u s i c they heard. All the students believed in their ability. Success c o u l d be s u m m e d up as c o m m i t m e n t , belief and flexibility. e

1

1

Before leaving m u s i c strategies, here is a fascinating extract from a letter by Wolfgang A m a d e u s M o z a r t about h o w he composed; All this fires my soul, and provided I am not disturbed, my subject enlarges itself, b e c o m e s m e t h o d i s e d a n d defined, a n d the whole, t h o u g h it be long, stands almost c o m p l e t e and finished in my mind, so that I can survey it like a fine picture or a beautiful statue at a glance. N o r do I hear in my i m a g i n a t i o n the parts successively, but I h e a r them as it were, all at once. W h a t a delight this is I cannot tell! From a letter Mozart wrote in 1789, quoted in E. Holmes, The Life of Mozart, Including his Correspondence, Chapman and Hall, 1878.

MEMORY

STRATEGY

Do you have a good m e m o r y ? T h i s is a trick question b e c a u s e m e m o r y is a n o m i n a l i z a t i o n , you cannot see, hear or touch it. T h e process of r e m e m b e r i n g is the important thing. N o m i n a l i z a t i o n s are actions that are frozen in time. M e m o r y is static, you cannot influence it. Better

to look at how you m e m o r i z e , a n d h o w you c a n improve. W h a t is your m e m o r y strategy? H o w would you m e m o r i z e the following sequence? ( A n d pretend for a m o m e n t it is very important to retain it.) DJW18EDL42IS You have T H I R T Y S E C O N D S STARTING NOW . . . Time's up. C o v e r the page, take a d e e p breath and write d o w n the sequence. H o w did you do? A n d more importantly, whatever your success, what did you do? Twelve digits is beyond the capacity of the conscious m i n d to retain as separate units. You need a strategy to chunk t h e m together in a smaller n u m b e r of blocks to r e m e m b e r t h e m all. You may have repeated the s e q u e n c e over and over again to form a tape loop ( A ) . Tape loops last o n l y a very short time. You m a y have recited it rhythmically. You m a y have written it out ( K ) . You m a y have looked at it carefully and s e e n it again internally ( V ' ) , as you looked up to your left. Perhaps you used colour or another s u b m o d a l i t y to help y o u r e m e m b e r your internal picture. Pictures are retained in long-term memory, tape loops in short-term memory. If you use this little test on s o m e o n e you know, you will probably be able to tell what strategy they are using without asking. You might see their lips move soundlessly, or see their eyes s c a n n i n g it over and over. Perhaps they smile as they make s o m e a m u s i n g connection. O n e thing that is very helpful, is to give this r a n d o m s e q u e n c e s o m e m e a n i n g . For e x a m p l e it m i g h t translate into D o n J u a n (living in W l ) 8ed (hated) L (hell) for (4) 21 S e c o n d s , S p e n d i n g your half m i n u t e giving it s o m e m e a n i n g is a good w a y of m e m o r i z i n g . G o o d b e c a u s e it accords with h o w the brain works naturally. If you m a d e a mental picture of D o n J u a n in Hell etc. y o u will probably be u n a b l e to forget the s e q u e n c e until the e n d of this chapter, however m u c h you try in vain. Robert Dilts tells a story about a w o m a n describing her strategy in a demonstration workshop. T h e s e q u e n c e was: A 2 4 7 0 5 5 8 S B . She was a C o r d o n Bleu cook. First, she said, it started with the first letter of the alphabet. N e x t c a m e 24: the a g e she qualified as a chef. N e x t was 705. T h a t m e a n t that she was five m i n u t e s late for breakfast. T h e 58 was difficult to r e m e m b e r so she saw it in a different colour in her 1

e

c

m i n d . S was on its own so she m a d e it big: S. A n d the last letter was B the s e c o n d of the alphabet, linking with A at the b e g i n n i n g . Now . . . cover the book and write out that s e q u e n c e of letters and numbers. D o n ' t forget the o n e that was bigger than the others . . . You probably did well. A n d you did not e v e n try. If you can r e m e m b e r that without trying w h a t could you do if you tried? A lot worse. Trying uses mental energy and the word itself presupposes a difficult task and probable failure. T h e harder you try, the m o r e difficult it b e c o m e s . T h e very effort you use b e c o m e s a barrier. A g o o d efficient strategy will m a k e learning easy a n d effortless. An inefficient strategy makes it hard. L e a r n i n g to learn is the most important skill in e d u c a t i o n , and n e e d s to be taught from reception class onwards. T h e e d u c a t i o n a l s y s t e m concentrates mostly on w h a t is taught, the curriculum, a n d o m i t s the learning process. T h i s h a s two c o n s e q u e n c e s . First, m a n y students have difficulty picking up the information. Secondly, even if they do learn it, it has little m e a n i n g for t h e m , because it has b e e n taken out of context. W i t h o u t a learning strategy, students m a y b e c o m e information parrots, forever d e p e n d e n t on others for information. T h e y are information enabled, but learning disabled. L e a r n i n g involves m e m o r y and understanding: fitting information into context to give it m e a n i n g . Focus on failure and its c o n s e q u e n c e s further distract S t u d e n t s . Everyone n e e d s permission to fail. G o o d learners do make mistakes, and use these as feedback to change what they are doing. T h e y keep their goal in m i n d a n d stay resourceful. M a r k s and grades have no effect on the strategy a student uses. T h e y are m e r e l y a j u d g e m e n t on the performance, a n d serve only to separate students out into a hierarchy of merit. S t u d e n t s m a y try harder with the s a m e ineffective strategy. If learners were all taught a range of good strategies, then large differences b e t w e e n t h e m in performance would disappear. Teaching efficient strategies w o u l d improve the results of all the students. W i t h o u t this, education functions as a way of ordering people into hierarchies. It keeps the status quo, labels the sheep and the goats, and sorts o n e from the other. Inequality is reinforced. Teaching involves gaining rapport, and p a c i n g a n d leading the student into the best strategies or ways of using the b o d y a n d m i n d to make sense of the information. If students fail and continue to fail, they are likely to generalize from performance, to capability, to belief a n d think that they cannot do the task. T h i s

then b e c o m e s a self-fulfilling prophecy. M a n y school subjects are anchored to b o r e d o m and unhappiness, and so learning b e c o m e s difficult. W h y is education often so painful and t i m e - c o n s u m i n g ? M o s t of the content of a child's full-time e d u c a t i o n could be learned in less than half their time at school if the children were motivated a n d given good learning strategies. All our thinking processes involve strategies, and we are usually u n c o n s c i o u s of the strategies we use. M a n y people use only a handful of strategies for all their thinking.

SPELLING

STRATEGY

Spelling is an important skill, and o n e m a n y people find difficult. You get credit for creative writing, but not for creative spelling, Robert Dilts teaches the process that good spellers use and has organized it into a simple, effective strategy. G o o d spellers nearly always go through the same strategy, and you may like to check this if you do spell well or you know s o m e o n e w h o does. G o o d spellers look up or straight a h e a d as they spell; they visualize the word as they spell it, and then look d o w n to check with their feeling that they are correct. People w h o spell poorly usually try to do it from the s o u n d . T h i s is not so effective. Spelling involves writing d o w n the word, representing it visually on paper. T h e o b v i o u s step is first to represent it visually internally English words do not follow simple rules where the s o u n d corresponds to the spelling. In the extreme case 'Ghoti' could be a phonetic spelling o f ' f i s h ' - 'gh' as in cough; 'o' as in w o m e n and 'ti' as in condition. A phonetic spelling system cannot even spell its own title correctly. G o o d spellers will report seeing a mental i m a g e of the word with a feeling of familiarity. T h e y just feel that it looks right. C o p y editors who have to be expert spellers just have to look d o w n a page and they report that w r o n g spellings seem to j u m p out at them. If you want to be an expert speller, or if you are already, and are interested in checking what you do, here are the steps of the strategy. 1. T h i n k of s o m e t h i n g that feels familiar and pleasant. W h e n you have that feeling, look at the word you want to spell for a few seconds. It may help to actually place the word up and to your left in the visual accessing area.

2. Next, look away a n d move your eyes up a n d to y o u r left and r e m e m b e r w h a t y o u c a n of the correct spelling. Notice t h e gaps (if any) and look back at the word, review the letters which fit in the gaps and repeat the process until you can picture the word in its entirety. 3. Look up at your mental image and then write d o w n what you see. Check that it is correct, if not, go back to S t e p 1, take another look and get the image clear in y o u r m i n d . 4. L o o k up at your mental image and spell the word backwards. T h i s will really make sure the i m a g e is clear. No phonetic speller can possibly spell a word backwards. T h e r e are s o m e helpful ideas you can use with this basic strategy. a) U s e the submodalities that make your images the clearest a n d m o s t m e m o r a b l e . Think of s o m e s c e n e that is really m e m o r a b l e . W h e r e in y o u r m i n d do y o u see it? W h a t are the submodalities? Put the word you want to spell in the s a m e place and give it the s a m e submodalities. b) It may h e l p to picture the word in your favourite colour, c) It may also help to p u t it on a familiar background. d) M a k e parts that you find difficult stand out by s u b m o d a l i t y changes. M a k e them bigger, closer, or vary the colour. e) If the word is a long o n e , break it d o w n into c h u n k s of three or four letters. M a k e the letters small e n o u g h so that you can see the w h o l e word easily, and big e n o u g h to read without strain. Do not run out of mental space. You m a y like to trace the letters in the air as you see t h e m , or if y o u are strong kinesthetically, trace them on your arm to build your picture with a d d e d feeling. T h i s strategy was tested at the U n i v e r s i t y of M o n c t o n , N e w Brunswick in C a n a d a . A n u m b e r of average spellers were split i n t o four groups. A spelling test was set up using n o n s e n s e words the students had never seen before. T h e first g r o u p ( A ) was shown the words a n d told to visualize t h e m while looking up and to the left. T h e second g r o u p (B) were told to visualize the words, but not told any eye position. T h e third group (C) were simply told to study the words in any way they wished. T h e fourth ( D ) were told to visualize the words looking d o w n and to the right. T h e test results were interesting. G r o u p A showed a 20 p e r cent increase in correct spellings on previous test results. G r o u p B showed

a 10 per cent increase. G r o u p C staved roughly the s a m e as you would expect, they had not c h a n g e d their strategy. T h e scores of group D h a d actually worsened by 15 per cent, b e c a u s e they were trying to visualize, u s i n g an eye accessing position that m a d e it extremely difficult to do so. G o o d spelling is a capability. If you follow this strategy you will be able to spell any word correctly L e a r n i n g lists of words by rote may help you to spell those words but it does not make you a g o o d speller. L e a r n i n g by rote d o e s not build capability. T h i s spelling strategy h a s b e e n used with success on children that have b e e n labelled as dyslexic. O f t e n these children simply are more auditory or kinesthetic than other children. W u n wunders w h y foenick spelling m e t h u d s arr stil tort in skools.

STRATEGY

FOR

CREATIVITY

I prefer to entertain people in the h o p e that they learn, rather than teach people in the h o p e that they are entertained. Wall Disney Robert Dilts has created a m o d e l of the strategy used by Walt Disney, a remarkably creative and successful m a n , w h o s e work continues to give pleasure to countless people all over the world. He would have m a d e a fine business consultant, b e c a u s e he used a general creative strategy which can be used for any type of problem. Walt D i s n e y had a wonderful imagination; he was a very creative dreamer. D r e a m i n g is the first step towards creating any o u t c o m e in the world. We all d r e a m of what we want, what we might do, how things c o u l d be different, but h o w can we manifest those dreams in the real world? H o w to avoid the pie in the sky from turning to egg on the face? A n d how do you make sure the d r e a m s are well received by the critics? He first created a d r e a m or vision of the w h o l e film. He got the feelings of every character in the film by i m a g i n i n g h o w the story appeared through their eyes. If the film was a cartoon, he told the animators to draw the characters from the standpoint of those feelings. He t h e n l o o k e d at his plan realistically. He b a l a n c e d money, t i m e , resources, and gathered all the necessary information to make sure that the film c o u l d be successfully m a d e : that the d r e a m c o u l d b e c o m e reality.

W h e n he had created the d r e a m of the film, he took another look at it from the point of view of a critical m e m b e r of the audience. He asked himself, 'Was it interesting? W a s it entertaining? W a s there any dead w o o d , regardless of his attachment to it?' D i s n e y used three different processes: the D r e a m e r , the Realist and the Critic. T h o s e w h o worked with h i m recognized these three positions, but never k n e w which o n e D i s n e y would take at a meeting. He probably balanced the meeting, s u p p l y i n g the o n e that was not well-represented. H e r e is the strategy you can use formally: 1. Select the problem you are going to deal with, it c a n be as difficult as you like. Do not think about it yet. C h o o s e three places in front of you that you can step into. O n e for your D r e a m e r , o n e for your Critic and o n e for your Realist. 2. T h i n k of a time w h e n you were really creative, w h e n your D r e a m e r really generated s o m e creative choices. S t e p into the D r e a m e r position in front of you and relive that time. You are anchoring your resources and strategy as a D r e a m e r to that actual place. If you find difficulty accessing a creative reference experience, find a m e t a p h o r for the problem that could help you think creatively Or you could m o d e l s o m e o n e you k n o w w h o is a good creative dreamer. Go and ask t h e m how they get themselves into that state before you c o m e back to this process. You m a y n e e d to break the problem up into m o r e m a n a g e a b l e chunks, Do not think realistically, that c o m e s later. Do not edit or evaluate. You c o u l d e v e n distract the conscious m i n d by listening to a tune, or by d o i n g s o m e physical activity. W h e n you have d r e a m e d as m u c h as you like, step out a g a i n to the uninvolved position. 3. T h i n k back to a time w h e n y o u were careful and realistic about s o m e plan, either y o u r own or s o m e o n e else's. S o m e time w h e n y o u put a plan into action in an elegant a n d effective way. If you have difficulty, think of a person you c a n m o d e l . Either ask h o w they think about putting plans into action, or pretend to be them. 'If I were X, h o w w o u l d I put these plans i n t o action?' Act as if you were X. W h e n you are ready, step into the Realist position. You are a n c h o r i n g your realist state and resources to that spot. W h e n you have relived your experience, step back to the uninvolved position.

4. Finally the evaluation. T h e Critic. R e m e m b e r a t i m e w h e n you criticized a plan in a constructive way, saw the weaknesses as well as t h e strengths, and identified the problems. It m a y have b e e n o n e of your own projects, or a project of a colleague. A g a i n , if this is difficult, m o d e l a g o o d critic y o u know. W h e n you have a reference experience, step into the third place you have identified a n d relive the experience. W h e n you have finished step out. W h a t you have d o n e is to a n c h o r the Dreamer, the Critic and the Realist into three different places. You can use three places in your workroom, or even three separate rooms. You will probably find one position is m u c h easier for you to access than the others. You might like to draw s o m e c o n c l u s i o n s from this about the plans y o u make. Each of these positions in fact is a strategy in itself. T h i s creative strategy is a super-strategy, three separate strategies rolled into one. 5. Take the problem or o u t c o m e you want to work with. Step into the D r e a m e r location and let y o u r m i n d b e free. T h e D r e a m e r does not have to be realistic. D r e a m s are usually visual a n d y o u r D r e a m e r is likely to use visual constructed thoughts. T h e sky is the limit. Do not let reality d a m p your t h o u g h t s . Brainstorm. W h a t would you do if you c o u l d not fail? T h e D r e a m e r could be s u m m e d up in the phrase, T wonder if . . .' W h e n you have finished, step back to the uninvolved position. Despite what you were told at school, d a y d r e a m i n g can be a useful, creative and enjoyable way to pass the time. 6. Step into the Realist position and think about the plan you have d r e a m e d about. O r g a n i z e your ideas. H o w could it be put into practice? W h a t would have to change to make it realistic? W h e n you are satisfied step into the outside position again. T h e phrase for the realist is, ' H o w can I do this . . .' T h e Realist in you is liable to be predominantly kinesthetic, the ' m a n or w o m a n of action'. 7. Next, step into the Critic position and check and evaluate the plan. Is there anything missing? If the plan n e e d s other people's co-operation, w h a t is in it for them? W h a t do you get out of it? Is it interesting? W h e r e is the payoff? T h e Critic asks, ' W h a t ' s missing? . . . W h a t ' s in it for m e ? ' T h e Critic s e e m s to operate mostly by internal dialogue. 8. Step back into the D r e a m e r and c h a n g e the plan creatively to take in w h a t y o u have learnt from the realist and the critic. C o n t i n u e to go through the three positions until t h e plan c o n g r u e n t l y fits

Disney Creative Strategy each one. You will have a different physiology and n e u r o l o g y in each of the positions, make sure that there is a continuity of o u t c o m e from one to the other. To make sure the criticism is constructive rather than destructive, r e m e m b e r that the Critic is no m o r e realistic than the Dreamer. It is just another way of thinking about the possibilities. T h e Critic must not criticize the D r e a m e r or the Realist. T h e Critic must criticize the plan. S o m e people criticize themselves and feel bad, instead of using criticism as useful feedback about their plans. S o m e t i m e s the Critic c o m e s in too soon a n d picks the d r e a m or the D r e a m e r apart. S o m e people use this strategy naturally. T h e y have a special place or r o o m where they think creatively, an a n c h o r for their Dreamer. T h e r e is another place for the practical planning, and another for the evaluation and criticism. W h e n these three ways of thinking are cleanly sorted spatially, each can do what they do best without interference. O n l y if the finished idea works in each place are they ready to act. At the e n d of this process you m a y well have a plan that

is irresistible. T h e n the question is not 'Shall I do this?' but, T must do this. W h a t else would I do?' T h i s is a good e x a m p l e of a b a l a n c e d strategy. All three p r i m a r y representational systems are involved, so all c h a n n e l s of information are available. T h e D r e a m e r usually operates visually, the Realist kinestheticaily and the Critic auditorily T h e r e n e e d s to be s o m e external step outside the strategy in case the internal processing gets into a loop and goes nowhere. H e r e y o u have an outside position to review the w h o l e process and call a halt in real time.

BACK

TO

MODELLING

As we move out of strategies and go on to look at s o m e other aspects of m o d e l l i n g , it is worth m e n t i o n i n g in passing o n e point that troubles s o m e people. T h e r e is a strange idea in o u r culture that finding out explicitly how y o u do s o m e t h i n g will interfere with d o i n g it well, as t h o u g h ignorance is a prerequisite to excellence. W h i l e you are d o i n g a task, your focus of conscious attention is, of course, on d o i n g the task. T h e car driver d o e s not consciously think about everything she d o e s as she is d o i n g it, and the m u s i c i a n does not consciously keep track of every note she plays. However, b o t h c o u l d explain to you afterwards what it is that they have just done. O n e difference b e t w e e n a c o m p e t e n t performer and a m a s t e r in any field is that the m a s t e r can go back and tell you exactly what it is that he has just d o n e , a n d how he did it. M a s t e r s have u n c o n s c i o u s c o m p e t e n c e and the ability to make that c o m p e t e n c e explicit. T h i s last skill is referred to as metacognition. W i t h m e t a c o g n i t i o n , you have the possibility of b e c o m i n g aware of how you perform a task. K n o w i n g h o w you do s o m e t h i n g gives you the ability to pass it on to others. Also, by identifying the difference between w h a t you are d o i n g w h e n things are going well and what you are d o i n g w h e n they are not, you c a n increase the likelihood of peak performance on an o n g o i n g basis. Exploring the process of m o d e l l i n g also raises questions of w h o m you m o d e l . T h i s d e p e n d s on the o u t c o m e s you are going for. You n e e d to first identify the skills, c o m p e t e n c i e s or qualities that y o u are most interested in acquiring. T h e n y o u consider w h o would serve as your best role-model.

T h e next question is how you go about modelling. T h e r e is a w h o l e spectrum of possibilities, w h i c h range from the u n c o n s c i o u s a n d informal m o d e l l i n g that we all do to the very sophisticated research and m o d e l l i n g strategies used by people like Robert Dilts in his recent m o d e l l i n g project for Fiat on leadership skills for the future. An informal and simple way to incorporate m o d e l l i n g skills in your development is to choose role-models from people you admire and respect. A l e x a n d e r the Great m o d e l l e d h i m s e l f on an i m a g e he had of the legendary warrior Achilles, T h o m a s a K e m p i s had perhaps loftier a m b i t i o n s w h e n he wrote The Imitation of Christ. In m o r e recent times, Stravinsky borrowed heavily from M o z a r t , c l a i m i n g that he had the right because he so loved M o z a r t ' s music. R a y Charles m o d e l l e d N a t K i n g C o l e , saying that he 'breathed C o l e , ate h i m , drank h i m and tasted h i m , day and night' until he developed his o w n special brand of musicianship. By 'breathing, eating, drinking and tasting' your model, whether in books, television or film, you will gain access to the kinds of states and mental resources that your m o d e l uses. If you are sitting d o w n , try a little experiment. M o s t people sub-vocalize w h e n they read, that is, they say the words aloud in their head as they read them. Notice what h a p p e n s if you go back to the b e g i n n i n g of this paragraph right now and allow the voice in your h e a d to transform into the voice of s o m e o n e you really admire. For m a n y people, just c h a n g i n g the voice inside their head to that of a role-model gives t h e m access to n e w and different resources. O f t e n people get caught up in the mystique of modelling and think that it is s o m e t h i n g they cannot do until they have learned h o w to do it 'properly'. But anyone w h o is curious about people cannot not do it! You do it already. W h e n I look back over the ten years since I first e n c o u n t e r e d N L P , I realize that most of my useful learning has c o m e from informal modelling. For e x a m p l e , I was visiting s o m e friends recently and discovered for the first time that the lady of the h o u s e writes r o m a n t i c fiction. She had been a little discreet about it, but in a half-hour social conversation I discovered s o m e writing strategies that provided me with just what I was looking for. In brief, she used daydream t i m e creatively to generate her material and jotted d o w n keyword notes in a notebook she always carries. T h i s r e m i n d s h e r of the content w h e n she next sits d o w n to write. S h e loves her creative d a y d r e a m i n g time, so it has a motivation strategy built in. Elegant.

You c a n be m o r e sophisticated about m o d e l l i n g if y o u have identified a specific skill that you want to learn. R e m e m b e r those three basic e l e m e n t s of any behaviour: belief, physiology a n d strategy. For e x a m p l e , to write this book, I n e e d to believe that I c a n , a n d that it is worth doing. I need a set of strategies (sequences of images, s o u n d s and feelings) with which to generate the content, a n d I need to feel comfortably relaxed as I sit and let my fingers dance on the keyboard. If you wanted to enrich this m i n i m a l model, you want to see me in action, or perhaps I should say 'see since m u c h of the process takes place u n c o n s c i o u s l y in as I do other things. You would probably want to questions, s o m e key ones being:

would probably me in inaction', the b a c k g r o u n d ask me a lot of

Tn what context do you c o m m o n l y use this skill?' ' W h a t o u t c o m e s g u i d e your actions in applying this skill?' ' W h a t do you use as e v i d e n c e to let you know you are a c h i e v i n g these outcomes?' ' W h a t exactly do you do to achieve these o u t c o m e s ? ' ' W h a t are s o m e specific steps and actions?* ' W h e n you get stuck, what do you do to get yourself unstuck?' T h e s e questions are T O T E elicitation questions based o n the T O T E m o d e l ( T e x t - O p e r a t e - T e x t - E x i t ) in C h a p t e r 4. T h e kind of m o d e l you are building is a system of recursively nested T O T E s or, to put it m o r e simply, skills within skills, rather like a set of C h i n e s e boxes, each contained within another. W i t h the answers to these kinds of questions you can start b u i l d i n g a m o d e ! of what I am d o i n g with my nervous system. To know what questions to ask next, you run this m o d e l in your nervous system to find out what works and what is missing. T h i s is rather like w h e n s o m e o n e gives you a set of directions to follow a n d you try t h e m out in your i m a g i n a t i o n to see if they make sense. T h e r e are m a n y m o r e skills to m o d e l l i n g than can be covered here or learned from a book. For e x a m p l e , you need good second position skills to penetrate the 'wall of consciousness'. W h a t is this wall of consciousness? At its simplest, w h e n talented people try to explain or teach what they do, they discover that m a n y of their skills are c o m p l e t e l y unconscious. It is as if the conscious scaffolding of the learning process has b e e n taken away from the finished house, leaving no trace of h o w it was constructed. At the other e n d of the s p e c t r u m from informal m o d e l l i n g is the full-blown high-quality m o d e l l i n g project usually d o n e in the world

of business. T h i s involves h a v i n g a full set of m o d e l l i n g skills at y o u r fingertips. A typical s e q u e n c e of events m i g h t be as follows: 1. Preliminary interviews with the organization to identify w h i c h set of c o m p e t e n c i e s is most worth modelling, w h o the t o p performers are and h o w m a n y people to m o d e l . Typically there may be three top performers w h o are contrasted with three average performers (controls) to highlight the critical differences. Finally an action plan is agreed. 2. S p e n d at least a couple of days with e a c h role-model watching t h e m in action in different contexts. R e c o r d their actions and interview each m o d e l to unpack beliefs, strategies, states, m e t a p r o g r a m s , etc. Interview their colleagues to get their descriptions. R e p e a t all of the above with the 'control' role-models. O f t e n , the controls are not told that they are controls, to save e m b a r r a s s m e n t . 3. Take time to m a p out explicitly what you think you have got and w h a t is still missing. T h i s stage is often d o n e with a co-modeller. Contrastive analysis clarifies the differences that make the difference between the t o p performers a n d the controls. 4. At this stage you will need to go back to confirm the patterns that y o u think you have found and to explore the gaps with m o r e observation and questions. You m a y n e e d to do this several times. 5. Write up the full report to include the original brief, the m e t h o d o l o g y and the explicit m o d e l . T h i s m o d e l covers the levels from identity, beliefs, capabilities through to specific external a n d internal behaviours. 6. D e s i g n a training p r o g r a m m e with their trainers to enable others to reproduce these skills. R u n the training p r o g r a m m e and use the feedback that you get to refine it. Train their trainers to run it. Exit. Steps 1 to 5 are likely to take s o m e w h e r e in the order of 20 days' work, with step 6 taking perhaps half as long again. T h i s kind oT back-toback modelling-training package is very effective in organizations where the s a m e work role is replicated m a n y t i m e s over, for e x a m p l e , t e a m supervisors or shop managers. M o d e l l i n g without the training input is also b e g i n n i n g to be used in this c o u n t r y to fine t u n e the process of effective recruitment for specific work roles. Large organizations are b e g i n n i n g to appreciate the value of applied modelling.

202

Ininaucing Neuro-Linguistic Programming

NLP, M O D E L L I N G LEARNING

AND

ACCELERATED

T h i s has b e e n a brief introduction to modelling, ranging from the informal through to formal business projects. So here we are in the nineties with sophisticated m o d e l l i n g skills that all c a m e from m o d e l l i n g l a n g u a g e in the early days. W h e n Richard asked J o h n to help h i m b e c o m e aware of his Gestalt patterns, J o h n approached it as he would approach learning a n e w language. To do a study of a l a n g u a g e you did not speak was absurd. J o h n had to be able to do the patterns before he could study them. T h i s is the direct opposite of traditional learning, w h i c h analyses the pieces first before putting it all together. Accelerated learning is learning to do s o m e t h i n g a n d o n l y later learning how you are d o i n g it. You do not e x a m i n e the learning until it is stable and consistent and voluntarily available to you. O n l y then will it be stable e n o u g h to stand the scrutiny of the conscious m i n d . T h i s is a profoundly different way to learn than the four stages outlined in C h a p t e r O n e , w h i c h b e g a n with u n c o n s c i o u s i n c o m p e t e n c e , and e n d e d in u n c o n s c i o u s c o m p e t e n c e . To start from intuition and then analyse is the basis of m o d e l l i n g and accelerated learning. You can go straight to unconscious c o m p e t e n c e in one stage. We have c o m e a full circle from C h a p t e r O n e . N L P b e g a n from a basis of intuition, rather like the way we learn our native language. Taking the whole study of excellence as the starting point, you can analyse all the way d o w n to submodalities, the smallest building blocks of o u r thoughts. W h a t goes d o w n m u s t c o m e u p again. T h e analysis you have d o n e ensures that you do not simply step up back to the place y o u were before. You e m e r g e at a point of greater understanding. T h i s stepping back up in a sense is c o m i n g back to the roots and k n o w i n g that place for the first time. T h i s n e w point gives the basis for a w h o l e n e w set of intuitions which can be stepped d o w n again, and so the process continues. You learn on each of these steps by testing each discovery to its limits. By using each idea or technique on every possible problem, you soon find out its true value, a n d where its limits are. O n l y by acting as if it works, do you find out if it d o e s or not, a n d what its limits are. First the M e t a M o d e l w e n t t h r o u g h this process. T h e n representational systems, then eye accessing cues, then submodalities and so on. E a c h piece is p u s h e d to its limit and the next piece takes its

place. A constant loss of balance, followed by a constant rebalancing. T h e value of N L P lies in the learnings you make in exploring these processes. T h e roots of N L P lie in the systematic patterns that underlie behaviour. You do whatever it takes to create results, within ethical constraints, and then refine it to make it as simple as possible, so discovering the difference that makes the difference. T h e purpose of N L P is to increase h u m a n choice and freedom.

USER'S

GUIDE

So as you are c o m i n g to the e n d of the last chapter of this book, you m a y already have started to wonder how to get the most from it. Each of us finds our o w n way of d o i n g this and s o m e t i m e s we don't even know we are d o i n g it. O n e thing you m a y want to decide on a conscious level, is whether you find this material interesting and useful e n o u g h to want to pursue it further, by b u y i n g b o o k s or attending training courses. You may find yourself talking over the ideas with like-minded friends as you make sense of your new learnings and understandings. You may find yourself unexpectedly b e c o m i n g m o r e aware of s o m e of the different patterns you have b e g u n exploring, of rapport and subtle shifts in b o d y language, of the d a n c e of eyes as people think, of the delicate a n d profound shifts in your o w n e m o t i o n a l states and others. You m a y find yourself b e c o m i n g increasingly aware of y o u r o w n t h o u g h t s a n d thinking processes, noticing which ones serve you and w h i c h are m e r e ghosts of the past. You play with c h a n g i n g the content of your thoughts and you play with c h a n g i n g the form of your thoughts and y o u w o n d e r at the impact as you discover how to create more emotional choice for yourself and others. Perhaps you have already discovered the extraordinary effectiveness of developing the habit of setting o u t c o m e s , of thinking of problems as opportunities to explore, to do s o m e t h i n g different, a n d to learn s o m e t h i n g n e w and exciting. You m i g h t have found yourself h a v i n g more insights a n d intuitions into other people's realities, or b e i n g m o r e g r o u n d e d in y o u r o w n . It is as t h o u g h y o u r u n c o n s c i o u s m i n d is integrating your n e w learnings in its o w n time and way; a n e w relationship is e v o l v i n g b e t w e e n y o u r conscious m i n d and your u n c o n s c i o u s w i s d o m . A s t h o u g h b y rediscovering yourself, you are more aware of w h a t matters to y o u a n d to the people that you are close to.

In listening to your o w n internal dialogue you discover yourself a p p l y i n g the M e t a M o d e l questions, you b e c o m e increasingly c u r i o u s as you discover m o r e about your o w n own beliefs, a n d y o u continue c h a n g i n g the limiting o n e s to e m p o w e r i n g ones that enable you to be m o r e of w h o you always wanted to be. In b e c o m i n g increasingly aware of your o w n identity it s e e m s as t h o u g h you have far m o r e choice than to be the slave of your past history. You think differently about your future a n d this influences w h o you are b e c o m i n g in the present. You m a y find a g r o w i n g richness and intimacy in y o u r relationships w i t h your close friends and y o u m a y want to s p e n d more time with other explorers of the rich world of h u m a n experience. A n d as m o r e of us b e c o m e aware of h o w we make up our reality, we c a n b e g i n to enjoy m a k i n g it up more the way we would like it to be, so creating a better world for all.

EPILOGUE

T h i s book so far has described the m a i n ideas of N L P in a practical way. N L P did not develop by logical steps, and it is not easy to describe. T r y i n g to describe N L P in a logical s e q u e n c e is like trying to describe a h o l o g r a m by pulling it apart bit by bit, but e a c h part of a hologram contains all of it. H e r e are s o m e final and more speculative thoughts on N L P and its place in o u r culture. We believe that N L P is the next generation of psychology. It has been called the N e w L e a r n i n g Paradigm a n d the N e w L a n g u a g e of Psychology. As a model of the structure of h u m a n experience, it m a y be as profound a step forward as the invention of language. At the very least it is a powerful process that will continue to generate ways of achieving excellent results in a w i d e range of different fields. B e c a u s e it is about subjective experience and c o m m u n i c a t i o n , it is in a sense about everything and nothing. Gregory Bateson described N L P as the first systematic approach to learning to learn; it is the first applied epistemology. L e a r n i n g is no longer e n o u g h , learning to learn is essential. T h e r e is so m u c h to learn a n d so little time to learn it. N o t only are we gaining knowledge and technology m o r e quickly, but the rate at w h i c h we gain it is accelerating. We are on an evolutionary j o u r n e y that is like a roller-coaster ride - it starts slowly, b u t the further we go, the faster it gets. A n d we have not yet found any brake. Unfortunately, mere a c c u m u l a t i o n of knowledge and technical know-how is not bringing w i t h it the w i s d o m we n e e d to use it well for the good of the planet, a n d everyone on it. We are clever, but not yet wise. H u g e c h a n g e s are taking place. N i n e t y per cent of all scientific knowledge has b e e n a c c u m u l a t e d over t h e lifetime of the generation b o m at the b e g i n n i n g of this century. T h e y have seen the science fiction of their childhood b e c o m e science fact. Paradoxically the increase in knowledge makes us feel m o r e ignorant and impotent. T h e m o r e k n o w l e d g e there is, the m o r e ignorant we b e c o m e , for the more

we do not know, a n d the m o r e we have to rely on experts to do the simplest things. T h e science and t e c h n o l o g y that has led to this vast e x p a n s i o n of knowledge and power has had s o m e unfortunate c o n s e q u e n c e s that we are only just b e c o m i n g aware of, they are what makes the rollercoaster ride so potentially dangerous. Events are m o v i n g so fast we can actually see o u r direction for the first time. We can actually watch the destruction of the Brazilian rain forests on television, and we can read of global w a r m i n g in the newspapers. Scientists can m o n i t o r the h o l e s in the o z o n e layer. N o w it is not a question of whether the future will be different, nor even by how much. It is a question of w h e t h e r we have one. T h e world is n o w too d a n g e r o u s for anything less than U t o p i a . Buckminsler Fuller As we look around, h o w m a n y of us are satisfied with what we see? Each o n e of us experiences the increasing pressure for change. A n d we each have a part to play if this roller-coaster of u n t r a m m e l l e d technology and power is not to g o o u t of control with disastrous planetary c o n s e q u e n c e s . We have to control it, we cannot j u m p off. T h e question is how? It is the individual that is the source of creativity that e n a b l e s social evolution to h a p p e n ; and it is the level of consciousness of the individuals in a society that makes up the level of consciousness of that society. Social c h a n g e b e g i n s with individual change. We face m a n y social and ecological problems. If we are to develop a society that can deal effectively with t h e m , we have to act now. As time passes a n d k n o w l e d g e grows, two questions b e c o m e more and m o r e urgent; W h a t is worth knowing? W h a t is worth doing? We have devastated the outer world with the products of science a n d technology. T h e attitude a n d world v i e w that has given us this science a n d t e c h n o l o g y is deeply entrenched in o u r culture, and has had profound effects on o u r inner world. Science has grown up through a series of controlled and repeatable e x p e r i m e n t s on nature in order to try to formulate mathematical laws and theories. M a n no longer considers himself part of nature in any practical way. M a n , the experimenter, m u s t stand apart from nature, his experiment. A n d he does not a d m i t that his very experiment changes nature or influences the result, for that would m e a n he forgoes his claim to objectivity. To try to get an objective result would m e a n another experimenter would have to m o n i t o r the first experimenter. T h i s creates an impossible and infinite regress like a painter

Epilogue

207

a t t e m p t i n g to paint the w h o l e landscape i n c l u d i n g himself. He can never paint the painter that is painting the picture. We have c o m e to treat nature as a m a c h i n e , with laws i m p o s e d u p o n it from without, instead of as an o r g a n i s m . A m a c h i n e should be inherently predictable. In theory all you have to do is to find all the rules and discover all the bits. So the h u n t was on to paint a m o r e and m o r e c o m p l e t e picture of nature, and the painter was forgotten. K n o w l e d g e was divorced from experience. It b e c a m e s o m e t h i n g you learned at s e c o n d h a n d , an abstract b o d y of theory existing independently of the knower and growing all the time. All that mattered was the final product, the theory, not the experience of learning it, T h i s way of objectifying knowledge severely limits the kind of knowledge you can deal with. At the e x t r e m e , e m o t i o n s , art, and relationships are devalued, because they rely on subjective experience. Scientific laws no longer s e e m to relate to the real world of h u m a n experience. Scientific theories are metaphors about the world, they are not true, they are a way of thinking about the world, in the s a m e way that a p a i n t i n g is o n e way of representing the landscape. We are rapidly finding that our way of thinking about the world up to now h a s b e e n useful in s o m e directions and catastrophic in others. T h e m e t a p h o r of a predictable, objective world has b e e n shaken by the q u a n t u m theories of physics. T h e more deeply we investigate, the more it b e c o m e s clear both that the observer has an effect on what he observes, a n d that the observer is an integral part of any scientific experiment. Light will act as particles or waves, d e p e n d i n g on w h a t sort of e x p e r i m e n t you set up. You can never exactly pinpoint both where a particle is, and w h e n it is there. T h e world is fundamentally indeterminate. Q u a n t u m physics is displacing the clockwork universe as the prevailing scientific metaphor. T h e n e w explorations and ideas of systems theory, and the study of chaos and order, are s h o w i n g us that even in simple systems you cannot keep track of all t h e variables, and slight variations can c h a n g e the w h o l e system. It is the b e g i n n i n g of a revolution, it is c h a n g i n g the w h o l e way we see nature. C h a o s is predictable r a n d o m n e s s , w h i c h is e p i t o m i z e d by the socalled Butterfly Effect. T h i s is n a m e d after a talk by the A m e r i c a n meteorologist Edward L o r e n z , entitled, ' D o e s the Flap of a Butterfly's W i n g s in Brazil Set Off a Tornado in Texas?' L o r e n z h a d b e e n using a c o m p u t e r m o d e l for tracking weather. He tired of t y p i n g in l o n g

n u m b e r s a n d thought it would m a k e no difference if he rounded t h e m off to a few decimal places. He w a s surprised to find that this threw the world's weather predictions completely out. A tiny change in the right place can have h u g e c o n s e q u e n c e s . T h i s underlines how the w h o l e of nature is a s y s t e m and not s o m e t h i n g apart from us that we can e x p e r i m e n t on with impunity. As Gregory Bateson says in Steps to an Ecology of Mind, ' Lack of systemic w i s d o m is always punished.' T h e s e n e w scientific m e t a p h o r s allow us to be part of nature again. In the s a m e way N L P as a m e t a p h o r c o n n e c t s us back to our subjective experience, and expresses the systemic nature of o u r inner experience. We now know about the c o m p l e x i t y of the external world and we know s o m e t h i n g of the impact that we, the invisible observers, are having on the external world. T h e c o n s e q u e n c e s of how we think are faithfully mirrored back by the o u t s i d e world. T h e universe is a perfect feedback device. W h a t we think is what we get. If we want to c h a n g e the world, we must first c h a n g e ourselves. We m u s t explore and change o u r internal experience if we are to influence and s h a p e the external world with w i s d o m . N L P , as the study of the structure of subjective experience, e n a b l e s us to explore ourselves. For it is a study of how we make models. It does not take the m o d e l s we have m a d e and confuse them with reality. As a way of creating excellence it is infiltrating and influencing m a n y fields. In a way, w h e n this process is complete, N L P could cease to exist as a separate discipline. It would be assimilated i n t o everyday life like the teacher w h o s u c c e e d s by m a k i n g herself redundant, because her students c a n now learn for themselves. N L P is part of a m o v e m e n t that is g r o w i n g steadily stronger. A m o v e m e n t towards acting in the world more effectively, using the skills and knowledge that we have, w i t h grace, w i s d o m and balance. We can learn m u c h from the Balinese m a x i m , 'We have no art, we just do things as well as possible.' We are discovering ourselves a n d o u r capacity for a w a k e n i n g in a beautiful and alluring world of endless surprises. People travel to wonder at the height of the m o u n t a i n s , at the h u g e waves of the sea, at the l o n g courses of rivers, at the vast c o m p a s s of the ocean, at the circular m o t i o n of the stars, a n d they pass themselves by w i t h o u t wondering. St Augustine

INVESTING IN YOURSELF

Increasingly more of us are looking to find satisfaction on an inner level. Different people will call it by different names: personal d e v e l o p m e n t , personal evolution, self-development, self-actualization, spiritual d e v e l o p m e n t , or realizing m o r e of o u r potential. A c c o r d i n g to Peter Russell in his excellent book 1'he Awakening Earth, the persona] development field is a g r o w i n g area a n d is roughly d o u b l i n g every four years. Personal d e v e l o p m e n t in its widest sense covers a range of different activities including m e d i t a t i o n , yoga a n d tai chi, counselling, Gestalt, psychotherapy, groupwork, transactional analysis, rebirthing, assertiveness training, stress m a n a g e m e n t , prosperity consciousness, relationship training, and m a n y m o r e including, of course, N L P . Each path in reading explore

of us b e c o m e s drawn to o n e or another personal d e v e l o p m e n t different ways and at different times. T h e fact that you are this book indicates that you are at the m o m e n t drawn to NLP,

You are the best j u d g e of which path is most appropriate for you at the m o m e n t . Whichever pathways you pursue, they will involve some investment in terms of t i m e a n d money. T h e y will involve o r g a n i z i n g a n d travelling, b u y i n g books or tapes, a n d d o i n g courses. You, in effect, invest s o m e proportion of the m o n e y that flows through you in your own personal d e v e l o p m e n t . Each of us spends a different proportion at different times. It is well worth taking a few m i n u t e s to work out roughly what percentage of your i n c o m e you have invested in yourself over the last few years. First make a list of w h a t y o u consider to be the personal development activities in your fife. As a guideline here, these will have a lasting effect that is in s o m e way generative. T h e y go on p r o d u c i n g benefits. M e d i t a t i o n has this quality, ice-cream does not. N o w make a rough estimate of the financial cost of each of these activities. Notice, too, the benefits you have got from each. N o w total

the cost. W h a t percentage is this of your total i n c o m e over the period? It is worth c o m p a r i n g this to the proportion of i n c o m e that c o m p a n i e s spend on training and developing their people. For most c o m p a n i e s in this country it is around o n e or two per cent. For the most successful c o m p a n i e s it is nearer ten per cent. T h e percentage of your i n c o m e that you invest in yourself is a reflection of how m u c h y o u value yourself. You are your o w n most valuable resource and investing in yourself may be the best investment you can make. Do y o u invest as m u c h in yourself as you want to? Q u i t e apart from the inner benefits, there can be financial benefits too. I have a friend w h o b e c a m e dissatisfied with her life. She worked as a cook earning about £ 7 , 0 0 0 a year. O v e r three or four years, she invested about ten per cent of her i n c o m e in her own d e v e l o p m e n t and training, including N L P training. She has transformed herself a n d her lifestyle. She n o w finds life m u c h more satisfying a n d also earns £ 2 0 , 0 0 0 a year. T h e flow of m o n e y in o u r lives accurately reflects the flow of thoughts in our minds. So, if you want to change your bank balance, change y o u r thinking. T h i s is a central notion of prosperity consciousness. On a m o r e general level, if you want to change your external reality, c h a n g e your inner reality first, N L P is about c h a n g i n g o u r inner reality. U n l e s s the benefits are sufficiently clear, there is no motivation to c o m m i t time a n d money. W h a t are the benefits of investing in N L P training? Everyone brings their own u n i q u e personality and potential to an N L P training course, and the benefits will vary from person to person. W h a t you will get d e p e n d s mainly on what you want to get, so it is well worth being clear about your personal o u t c o m e s . M a n y people c o m e primarily for personal development. T h e y m a y be g o i n g through a period of c h a n g e in their life, and want skills and tools for m a k i n g changes. Others m a y simply be aware that there could be more to their life. S o m e c o m e mainly for professional reasons, a l t h o u g h personal and professional development go h a n d in hand. N L P skills are invaluable as interpersonal skills. M a n y professionals use N L P in their work: teachers, trainers, counsellors, therapists, psychiatrists, nurses, social workers, probation officers, m a n a g e m e n t consultants and salespeople. N L P improves effectiveness at work and gives an e n h a n c e d sense of well-being. M a n y professionals use N L P t o b e c o m e more successful

financially, so getting a tangible return in kind on their investment. Participants often report a n e w d i m e n s i o n to experience, a n e w perspective on life, more choices, creative ideas, a n d n e w skills to apply. E n h a n c e d awareness a n d flexibility revitalize both personal and professional life. Last, but not least, N L P is fun. A course is s o m e t h i n g to look forward to, an occasion to enjoy a n d m e e t interesting people. You can learn N L P from books, b u t N L P is experiential. It involves h a v i n g the perceptual filters, the patterns and the skills in y o u r behaviour, rather than just as ideas in your head. Personal experience with others has so m u c h more m e a n i n g and impact than the written word. N L P is to be used at the level of experience if it is to be of any value. An N L P training s e m i n a r gives a safe e n v i r o n m e n t in which to learn the patterns experientially w i t h sympathetic people, u n d e r skilled supervision T h e r e is an old C h i n e s e saying: I hear a n d I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. Your investment in training is considerably m o r e than your investment in books and warrants careful consideration. T h e r e are considerably more benefits too. T h e only way you will find out if N L P training is for you is to do it. In the next section we offer o u r t h o u g h t s on how you go about choosing the course that is best for you.

CHOOSING

NLP

TRAINING

T h i s section gives s o m e guidelines t o h e i p you choose w h i c h N L P training to do. N L P courses are b e i n g offered in greater n u m b e r s and varieties all the time. At the m o m e n t you can choose from two-day introduction courses, more advanced courses, including specialized courses for particular applications, and longer NLP trainings. Many organizations offer free introductory e v e n i n g s so you can find out more about them and the courses they offer. T h e r e is a range of courses specifically a i m e d at applying N L P In particular areas such as e d u c a t i o n , business, selling, presentations, meetings, negotiations, music, acupuncture, counselling, psychotherapy and hypnotherapy. T h e r e are also update courses offering new and recent N L P patterns and developments. Practitioner or d i p l o m a level training is a substantial step. T h i s normally involves around 150 hours training spread over s o m e 20 or m o r e days. Increasingly, m o r e training organizations are offering a short training first with a variety of different n a m e s , and an optional longer part to bring this up to the d i p l o m a or practitioner level. Following on from this, is master practitioner or advanced d i p l o m a level training, involving a similar time c o m m i t m e n t . T h e r e are also courses in new d e v e l o p m e n t s , and trainings for trainers. In practical terms, the first question to ask yourself is what sort of training do you want? You m a y be clear from the start, or y o u may need to formulate your ideas by gathering information. Do you simply want N L P training or do you want it specialized in an area of application? If so, w h i c h one? Do you want a certificate or qualification from the training? T h e cost of the course is an o b v i o u s consideration, a n d w h e r e the course takes place is an important factor, both in terms of c o n v e n i e n c e and time. R e m e m b e r to add travel and a c c o m m o d a t i o n costs to the course fees.

H o w l o n g does the course last? H o w does it fit in with y o u r other commitments? H o w flexible are the arrangements? Do you b u y a w h o l e course that you arc then locked into whether you like it or not, or is it organized in units that you can take or leave at your convenience? W h a t are the deposit and cancellation terms? H o w is the course spread over time? Is it on w e e k e n d s or weekdays? In practitioner trainings there will often be s o m e practice e v e n i n g s that you will need to attend. T h e trainers will have a big influence on the course. S o m e organizations use internationally k n o w n trainers. T h i s will add to the cost, b u t it is worth bearing in m i n d that these trainers will usually have h a d a long involvement with N L P and be more experienced. Perhaps most important are your own personal feelings and assessment of the training and the trainers. N L P is about subjective experience. Be aware of your personal evaluations of quality and what is important to you. Do you like and respect the trainer/s? Do you have rapport a n d do they have a personal integrity you c a n trust? Trainers have very different personal styles. D o e s their style suit you? C a n you learn well from t h e m ? Find out as m u c h as you can first. T e l e p h o n e the organizations a n d ask about their courses. Tell t h e m your requirements. Beware of training organizations that belittle others. T h i s is unprofessional conduct and m a y be used to cover their own weaknesses. A g o o d organization will not find it necessary to put d o w n others. M a n y organizations have o p e n e v e n i n g s w h e n you c a n go and speak to the trainers. For m a n y people word of m o u t h r e c o m m e n d a t i o n is a key criterion. You m a y know of friends or acquaintances w h o have d o n e training and they can give you invaluable feedback. M a n y people will prefer to take the r e c o m m e n d a t i o n of o n e particular friend that they trust and respect, w h e r e a s others will make up their own mind. T h e Association for N e u r o - L i n g u i s t i c P r o g r a m m i n g , here in Britain, runs annual conferences where you c a n speak to m a n y of the organizations and trainers. N a t i o n a l conferences are excellent places to learn about N L P and find out more. If y o u have enjoyed this book, y o u may like to know that the authors are also the longest established providers of N L P training courses in the U K . You c a n contact t h e m directly for further information. See the section at the e n d of this book called, 'About the Authors'.

NLP

ORGANIZATIONS WORLDWIDE

T h i s list of N L P training organizations is provided for information only, in the spirit of networking. It does not constitute a r e c o m m e n d a t i o n . O u r intention is to provide as c o m p l e t e a list as possible at the present time, and we regret if there are any errors or omissions. Please send any corrections, updates or inclusions to the authors a t J o h n S e y m o u r Associates, U K (see address o n p a g e 255). T h e centres are listed alphabetically by country, and alphabetically within each country. T h a n k s to C o l i n Elliot for h e l p i n g us c o m p i l e this list initially and Michael Phillips for his help in updating it. ARGENTINA Institute Sud Americano de Progracion Neuro-Linguistica Beruti 2576 (14-25) Buenos Aires Tel: 83 7690 825 4512 AUSTRALIA Australian Institute of NLP PO Box 1 University of Queensland St Lucia Queensland 4067 Tel: 07 369-2821 Bewitched Books Lot 22 Wool rich Road Olinda 3788 Victoria

Maxxum International Level 1, Suite 8 402 Chapel Road South Yarra Victoria 3141 Tel: 03 826 6944 NELPS 19 Cedar Street Yungaburra 4872 Tel: 070 953120 AUSTRIA OTZ NLP Teyberg. 1/19 A-1140 Vienna Tel: 43222 894 0017

BELGIUM Imtitut Resources PNL 37 Bois Pirart B-1320 Genval Tfel: (02) 653 07 44 Synergie

Institul Quebec de Theropie e( D'Hypnose 33 Chemin Beaudetie North Hatley Quebec JOB 2CD Tel: 819 842 4148

Rue Holtebeek 24 B-1630 Linkbeek

Les Ateliers Cognito CP 641 Boucherville Quebec J B4 6Y3

Tel: 02 380 4392

Tel: 514 449 2698

CANADA

Metob/Jity

Centre de PNL de Quebec 2662 C hem in de Toulon Sillery Quebec GIT 1X8 Tel: 418 659 6107 Centre Quebefois de PNL 180 Victoria Longueuil Quebec J 4 H 2V5 Tel: 514 679 3571 Exellence/IHimitte 62 Rue Aberden Saint Lambert Quebec J4P 1R4 Tel: 514 671 6457 Georpon Bay NLP Centre Box 1210 Meaford Ontario, N0H 1Y0 Tel: 519 538-1194

415 Riverdale Avenue Ottawa Ontario KIS 1R8 Tel: 613 231 3874 Metoformot/on (nc NLP Centre 3538 Marlowe Avenue Montreal Quebec H4A 3L7 Tel: 514 486-1282 Metomorph US 2082 Tawney Road Ottawa Ontario KIG 1B8 Tel: 613 739 5657 NLP Centres of Canada 338 First Avenue Ottawa Ontario KIS 2G9 Tel: 613 232-7782 and 416 283-3461

Institute Meta PNL de Quebec Case Postale 194 Aylmer Quebec J 9 H 3L0

NLP Institute of Atlantic Canada Box AO Site 18, RR10 Frcdericton NB E3B 6H6

Tel: 613 748 3344

Tel: 506 453 2360

NLP Institute of Ontario

633 Bay Street, #2223 Toronto Ontario M5G 2G4 Tel: +16 977-7810 1800 668-8235 NLP Institute of Ontario Sooth 543 Harbourne Crescent Saint Clair Beach Ontario N8N 3J5

NLP Training Associates 9 Prince Arthur Avenue Toronto Ontario M 5 R 1B2 Tel: 416 925 0983 PNL Saguenay 2509 Rue Potvin Jonquiere Quebec G7S 4L8 Tel: 418 547 2191

Tfel: 519 735 2688 NLP Institute of Saskatchewan 30 Anderson Crescent Saskatoon Saskatchewan S7H 3Z8 Tel: 306 373 8535 NLP Institute of Western Canada The Wag Barge Box 5 500 Cardero Street Vancouver BC V6G 2W6 Tel: 604 687 7381 NLP Manitoba 179 Lipton Street Winnipeg

Sherlco Corporation 2022 31st Street SW Calgary Alberta T3E 2N2 Tel: 403 240-3565 Syntonie 1530 Rue Ken Saint Lambert Quebec J 4 R 1W3 Tel: 514 672 6384 Success Strategies 512 Indian Road Burlington Ontario L7T 3T3 Tel: 416 630 6468

Manitoba R3G 2G8 Tel: 204 7759607

CENTRAL AMERICA

NLP Meta Institute 2126 Hubbard Crescent Ottawa

NLP Center of Texas 18 Avenue B7-69 Zona 15 Vista Hermona 1 Guatemala

Ontario K1J 6L2 Tel: 613 748 3344

Tel: 5022-691146

DENMARK Connector APS Trondhjemsgade 2 2100 Copenhagen Oonsk NLP Institute Sankelmarksvcj 23-5 8600 Silkeborg

Repere 78 avenue General Michel Bizot Paris 75012 Tel: (1) 43 46 00 16 jane Turner 41 rue de la Plaine 75020 Paris

Tel: 45 86 80 19 11 GERMANY Netvark AS Finn Strandgaard Esplanaden 46 1263 Copenhagen FINLAND Finnish Association of NLP (publishes a magazine: VAK NLP Comrruin&atwn, Change) Vehkatie 25 as. 23 04400 Jarvenpaa Finland

The number of N L P Institutes in Germany has grown very quickly. There is now a complete book devoted to listing the N L P Institutes and N L P TVainers in Germany: Wer Traintert NLP? by Inke Jochlms (Junfermann, 1992). HOLLAND

Tel: 0291 9834

Institute Eclectisch Psychology Staringstraal #1 6511 PC Nigmegen

FRANCE

Tel; 80 230 837

IFPNL 15 rue August Vitu 75015 Paris

HUNGARY

Tel: (1) 45 75 30 15 NLP Sons Frontieres 12 rue des Marroniers 75016 Paris Tel: (1) 45 25 86 98 PHARE (The Neuro-Linguistic Society) 123 rue de Faubourg Poissoniere 75009 Paris Tel: (1) 48 78 54 37

Hungarian

Association for NLP

Secretary Gyozo Matrai Budapest X I V Thokoly U. 562 Budapest X I V Tel: 0036 1 1832 835 The Hungarian Institute can also be contacted in Germany through: Stephen Molnar Tschaikowskystrasse 6 8000 Munich 60 Germany Tel: 49 89 864 4379

IRELAND

RUSSIA

Stanley Warren Associates 84 Dollymount Park Clontarf Dublin 3

NLP Laboratory Box 808 Novosibirsk 112

Tel: 1331105 SWITZERLAND ISRAEL The Israel institute for NLP 16 Revivim Street Tel-Aviv 69354 Tel: (03) 482621 ITALY AIPNL (Italian Association of NLP) Via Bandello 18 20123 Milano Tel: 2 481 6500 IIPNL (Italion Institute of NLP) Viale Aldini 5 40136 Bologna Tel: 51 334805

Advanced Communication Training, Inc Victoriastrasse 32 8057 Zurich lATH-Miller Postfach 1053 CH 9001 St Gallen Tel: 071 285328 also at: Stockerstrasse 56 8002 Zurich Tel: (0) 1 202 5733 NLP Publications in Switzerland:NLP World International English language magazine

Programmazione Neuro Linguistica Via Bazzoni 300195 Rome

NLP World Lcs 3 Chasseurs 1413 Orzens Vaud

LUXEMBOURG

Fax: 21 887 7976

NIP International 14 rue du Cimetiere L-7313 Heisdorf

UNITED KINGDOM

Tel: 352 3324 85

The National Association of NLP in the UK is:

NORWAY

ANLP (Association of Neuro-Ltnguistic Programming)

interact/on PO Box 1266 Vika N-0111 Oslo 1

48 Corser St Stourbridge DY8 2 D Q

Tel: 47 2 113828

Tel: 0384 443935

NLP Publications in the UK: Rapport Published by ANLP, see above. NLP Training Organizations in the UK: Cnangeworks 1 Eastlands Court St Peter's Road Rugby CV21 3QT Tel: 0788 546262 International Teaching Seminars 7 Rudall Crescent London N W 3 IRS Tel: 071 923 3282 NLP Northeast 35 Albert Street Eaglesclifie Stockton-on-Tees Cleveland TS16 ODA

John Seymour Assodotes 4 - 6 Conduit Road St Werburghs Bristol BS2 9RW Tel: 0272 557827

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA The National Association of NLP in the USA is: MNLP 200 Marott Center 342 Massachusetts Ave Indianapolis, IN 46204 Tel: 317-636 6059 Fax: 317-638 0539 NLP Publications in the USA: Anchor Point Magazine PO Box 286 Franktown, CO 80116

Pace Ltd

Tel: 303-841 8701 800-544 6480 Fax: 303-841 8705

86 South Hill Park London NW3 2SN

Rapporter

Tel: 0642 376681

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A G U I D E TO N L P BOOKS

T h i s is a list of books dealing with N L P a n d applications of N L P to particular fields. It is not an exhaustive list, a n d s o m e books could be placed in more than o n e category. T h e general c o m m e n t s provide a guide to further reading. T h e list is divided into four categories: General, Business and Sales, Education and Health and Therapy. B o o k s are arranged by alphabetical order of author's n a m e within each category. M a n y N L P books are published in the U S A and are not yet widely available. C o n t a c t the nearest N L P training organizations for details o f N L P bookshops o r see the N L P Resources G u i d e a t the e n d o f this section. O u r thanks to Michael Breen and M i c h a e l Neill for helping us compile this section.

GENERAL Books are listed alphabetically by author. Change Your Mind and Keep the Change Steve a n d C o n n i r a e Andreas, Real People Press, 1987. Edited transcript of seminars given by the authors. It gives m a n y of Richard Bandler's s u b m o d a l i t y c h a n g e techniques, swish, c h a n g i n g criteria, and the c o m p u l s i o n blowout. Also there is a chapter on timelines. Heart of the Mind Steve and C o n n i r a e A n d r e a s , Real People Press, 1990. N L P strategies applied to a w i d e range of ideas, i n c l u d i n g using timelines for persona) change. O n e of the best collections of N L P in action.

228

Introducing Neuro-Linguistk Prograrnming

An Insider's Guide To Subrnodalities R i c h a r d B a n d i e r a n d Will M a c D o n a l d , M e t a Publications, 1988. A book that gives a w i d e range of work w i t h submodalities, i n c l u d i n g c h a n g i n g beliefs and variations on the swish. T h e most comprehensive g u i d e to submodalities available at the m o m e n t . Frogs into Primes R i c h a r d B a n d i e r a n d J o h n Grinder, Real People Press, 1979. A n edited s e m i n a r transcript covering m a n y o f the m a i n N L P patterns: anchoring, reframing, representational systems, rapport and eye accessing cues. T h e r e are m a n y a n e c d o t e s and fascinating asides in the course of the book. Magic in Action R i c h a r d Bandier, M e t a Publications, 1985. T h i s book is m a d e up of edited transcripts of v i d e o tapes of R i c h a r d Bandier working with clients on p r o b l e m s such as agoraphobia, fear of authority figures and anticipatory loss. An a p p e n d i x covers treating s y m p t o m s o f post-traumatic stress disorders using N L P techniques. Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Ibiume 1, The Study of the Structure of Subjective Experience R i c h a r d Bandier, J o h n Grinder, Robert Dilts, J u d i t h DeLozier, M e t a Publications, 1980. A c o m p r e h e n s i v e g u i d e to modelling, covering eliciting, designing, utilizing and installing strategies. Reframing: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Transformation of Meaning R i c h a r d Bandier a n d J o h n Grinder, Real People Press, 1982. A book of edited s e m i n a r transcripts dealing with reframing in detail. T h e r e are sections on negotiation between parts, creating n e w parts, six step reframing and reframing in systems such as families and organizations. The Structure of Magic J Richard Bandier and J o h n Grinder, Science and B e h a v i o u r Books, 1975. T h e first N L P book to be published a n d the definitive o n e on the M e t a M o d e l , very detailed and with material on transformational grammar. T h e M e t a M o d e l is presented in an overall context of psychotherapy The Structure of Magic 2 Richard Bandier and J o h n Grinder, Science and Behaviour Books, 1976. C o m p a n i o n v o l u m e to Magk I. Detailed account of synesthesias,

incongruity and representational systems in a context of family therapy. Using Your Brain For a Change Richard Bandier, Real People Press, 1985. Edited transcript of Richard Bandler's seminars about submodality patterns including the swish pattern. S o m e very entertaining asides occur in the development of the m a i n ideas. An NLP Hbrkbook: Advanced Techniques Book 1 Phil Boas with J a n e Brooks, M e t a m o r p h o u s Press, 1985, A list of N L P exercises from a trainer's point of view. introductory text.

N o t an

A Framework for Excellence Charlotte Bretto, Grinder D e L o z i e r Associates, 1989. An excellent and detailed resource m a n u a l giving material and exercises at practitioner level, Emotional Hostage Leslie C a m e r o n - B a n d l e r and Michael L e b e a u , FuturePace Inc., 1985. A practical book for dealing with emotional and relationship problems. The Emprint Method Leslie C a m e r o n - B a n d l e r , David G o r d o n and Michael L e b e a u , Future Pace Inc, 1985. Detailed m e t h o d s of m o d e l l i n g excellence in any field. A step-by-step technical manual of the method. Know Hotv, Guided Programs to Inventing Your Own Best Future Leslie C a m e r o n - B a n d l e r , Michael L e b e a u a n d D a v i d G o r d o n , Future Pace, 1985. Practical applications of the Emprint m e t h o d to diet a n d health, children and relationships. Feeling Good about Feeling Bad Pat Christopherson, G o l d e n Egg Publishing, 1987. On integrating pain and painful e m o t i o n s as a part of your day-to-day life. Results on Target Bruce D i l m a n , O u t c o m e Publications, 1989. An excellent in-depth exploration of o u t c o m e s at work and at home. Applications of Neuro-Linguistic Programming Robert Dilts, M e t a Publications, 1983. A series of papers covering the M e t a M o d e l , and applications of N L P to business c o m m u n i c a t i o n , sales, education, creative writing and health.

Changing Belief Systems with NLP Robert Dilts, M e t a Publications, 1990. A workshop-style book on c h a n g i n g beliefs.

Very thorough and

includes the M e t a - M i r r o r a n d the Failure into Feedback pattern. Roots of Neuro'Linguistic Programming Robert Dilts, M e t a Publications, 1983. A c o m p l e x book which contains three early papers. T h e first integrates N L P material with theories of brain function, the second describes research into E E G readings and representational systems. T h e third contains material on the M e t a M o d e l , altered states and m e t a p h o r in a therapeutic context. Tools for Dreamers Robert Dilts and Todd Epstein, M e t a Publications, 1991. A treasure trove of strategies and techniques for creativity. S o m e of the most up-to-date writing on m o d e l l i n g available. Mirious NLP Monographs Robert Dilts, D y n a m i c L e a r n i n g Center. Spiral-bound m o n o g r a p h s including 'Albert Einstein, N e u r o Linguistic Analysis of a G e n i u s ' ; ' T h e Cognitive Patterns of J e s u s of Nazareth'; ' M o s h e Feldenkrais, N L P of the Body'; ' N L P and Life Extension' (with J a a p Hollander); ' N L P in Training G r o u p s ' ; ' O v e r c o m i n g Resistance t o Persuasion with N L P ' (with J o s e p h Yeager); ' T h e Parable of the Porpoise'; 'Spelling Strategy'; 'Walt Disney, the Dreamer, T h e Realist and the Critic'; 'Wolfgang A m a d e u s Mozart'. T h e s e are available directly from the D y n a m i c L e a r n i n g C e n t e r (see addresses section). Developing Co-operative Relationships G e n e Early, published by G e n e Early, 1988. A booklet that uses N L P for developing and m a i n t a i n i n g co-operative relationships, where sharing and a g r e e m e n t are important. Useful for both persona] and professional relationships. The Happy Neurotic Geoff G r a h a m , Real O p t i o n s Press, 1988. English book c o n t a i n i n g aspects of N L P . M u c h of the material is available in Using Your Brain for a Change. Trance-Formations: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Structure of Hypnosis J o h n Grinder and R i c h a r d Bandier, Real People Press, 1981, Edited s e m i n a r transcript of hypnosis seminars. T h e r e are clear and

detailed explanations of trance induction with exercises broken i n t o small steps, also m a n y interesting stories a n d e x a m p l e s of hypnotic patterns. Utilization techniques include reframing, N e w Behaviour Generator, p a i n control and a m n e s i a . Turtles All the Why Down J o h n Grinder and J u d i t h DeLozier, Grinder D e L o z i e r Associates, 1987, Edited s e m i n a r transcript o f J o h n G r i n d e r and J u d i t h D e L o z i e r ' s n e w work on the prerequisites of genius and the necessary w i s d o m , style and grace which m u s t go with applications of N L P technology. A fascinating and essential book for anyone with knowledge of and interest in N L P . Leaves Before the Wind J o h n Grinder, Judith D e L o z i e r and Charlotte Bretto, Grinder D e L o z i e r Associates, 1990. A series of articles dealing with N L P and hypnosis, healing and artistry. Challenge of Excellence S. L. G u n n , M e t a m o r p h o u s Press, 1986, Achieving excellence through physical c o m p e t e n c e , balanced physiology, and appropriate patterns of thought. Useful for any teacher w h o wants to develop N L P skills in conjunction with c o operative games or o u t d o o r pursuits. The Excellence Principle S. L. G u n n , Excellence U n l i m i t e d , 1981. An introductory level N L P workbook based on the presupposition that 'fun is a prerequisite to excellence'. Monsters and Magical Sticks Steven Heller and Terry Steele, Falcon Press, 1987. A clear and e n t e r t a i n i n g book on hypnosis and trance states. The Secret of Creating your Future Tad J a m e s , A d v a n c e d N e u r o - D y n a m i c s , 1989. Learn about timelines through the metaphorical adventures of M i l o n and the Wizard. Timeline Therapy and the Basis of Personality Tad J a m e s , M e t a Publications, 1988. A detailed a n d clear account of timelines, m e t a p r o g r a m s and values. Not an introductory book. Fine Time your Brain G e n i e L a b o r d e , S y n t o n y Publishing, 1988.

FoUowing on from Influencing with Integrity this deals with c o m m u n i c a t i o n patterns, dovetailing o u t c o m e s , c o n g r u e n c e a n d m e t a p h o r s . Magic Demystified Byron L e w i s and Frank Pucellk, M e t a m o r p h o u s Press, 1982. An introduction to parts of N L P . It deals at length with the M e t a M o d e l , c o m m u n i c a t i o n , h o w we make m a p s of the world, representation systems and accessing cues. NLP: The WUd Days 1972-1981 Terry M c C l e n d o n , M e t a Publications, 1989. A short, anecdotal account of J o h n and Richard's early partnership. Golf: The Mind Game Tennis: The Mind Game M a r l i n M. M a c k e n z i e with K e n Denlinger, Dell, 1990. A p p l y i n g N L P to sport. Understandable to those without N L P training. The Art of the Possible D a w n a Markova, C o n a r i Press, 1991. T h i s is the most in-depth study of c o m m u n i c a t i o n patterns based on representational systems, including identifying your own patterns. Basic Techniques: An NLP Workbook L i n n a e a M a r v e l l - M e l l , M e t a m o r p h o u s Press, 1982. A workbook a n d cassette tape designed to teach basic patterns of reframing, anchoring, accessing cues and the M e t a M o d e l . Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming J o s e p h O ' C o n n o r and J o h n Seymour, M a n d a l a , 1990 An excellent introduction to N L P , this book is designed for beginners. C o m p r e h e n s i v e , clear a n d detailed, it contains an overview and all the m a i n patterns. G o o d as a reference, it has an invaluable section on all the N L P books, a guide to choosing courses and an extensive glossary of N L P terms. A l s o available direct from J o h n S e y m o u r Associates. Practitioner Manual for Introductory Patterns in NLP M a r y a n n Reese and Carol Yancar, S o u t h e r n Press, 1986. A m a n u a l taken from a practitioner training, an aide memoire to the training. Programmer's Pocket Summary M a r y a n n Reese and A l a n Densky, Reese and Densky, 1986. Small, loose leaf binder which contains basic N L P patterns in a sort of recipe format. N o t a b o o k for beginners.

Awaken the Giant Within A n t h o n y R o b b i n s , S i m o n and Schuster, 1992. A book about the structure of destiny and the science of N e u r o Associativc C o n d i t i o n i n g ( N A C ! ) Exciting and motivating, though not strictly N L R Unlimited Power A n t h o n y R o b b i n s , S i m o n and Schuster, 1986. A very good exposition of the basic principles of N L P a n d m a n y personal applications. Written in a very personal a n d i m m e d i a t e style, very anecdotal. Cognitive Harmony Jerry Stocking, M o o s e Ear Press, 1991, Subtitled 'An A d v e n t u r e in M e n t a l Fitness', this book introduces N L P concepts in the context of personal evolution. Various NLP Monographs Wyatt W o o d s m a l l , Self published. Spiral-bound m o n o g r a p h s i n c l u d i n g 'Business Applications o f N L P ' ; ' T h e Science of A d v a n c e d Behavioural M o d e l l i n g ' ; ' M e t a p r o g r a m s ' ; ' L a n g u a g e Patterns and T i m e l i n e T h e r a p y ' ; 'Strategies'; 'Lifeline T h e r a p y ' ; ' Beyond Self Awareness'. Available from A d v a n c e d Behaviour M o d e l l i n g , see training organizations addresses. Basic Techniques, Book II Clifford Wright, M e t a m o r p h o u s Press, 1989. A collection of exercises from N L P practitioner training. Best d o n e in groups of two or more. Thinking About Thinking with NLP J o s e p h Yeager, M e t a Publications, 1985. A book w h i c h deals more with the principles of N L P , an ' N L P state of mind', particularly applied to the business world, rather than with particular techniques. An interesting overview if you are already acquainted with the basic ideas of N L P .

BUSINESS

AND

SALES

Green Light Selling D o n A s p r o m o n t e a n d D i a n e A u s t i n , Cahill M o u n t a i n Press, 1990. An N L P sales process that will be particularly useful for those

salespeople w h o k n o w their product, k n o w their markets a n d know that they can do better. Beyond Selling D a n Bagley and Edward R e e s e , M e t a Publications, 1987. A well-written book covering an N L P approach to gaining and keeping customers. Instant Rapport Michael Brooks, Warner Books, 1989. A broad overview of rapport and anchoring skills. What They Don't Teach You in Sales 101 Steven D r o z d e k , J o s e p h Yeager and L i n d a S o m m e r , M c G r a w Hill, 1991. O n e of the best and m o s t c o m p r e h e n s i v e applications of N L P to sales. Includes an excellent section on 'keeping yourself going'. Making the Message Clear J a m e s Eicher, G r i n d e r D e L o z i e r Associates, 1987, N L P applied to business, m a i n l y to do with verbal c o m m u n i c a t i o n . Precision: A New Approach to Communication J o h n Grinder and M i c h a e l M c M a s t e r , Precision M o d e l s , 1980. A systematic format for gathering information. T h e book is designed to improve business planning, m a n a g e m e n t and m e e t i n g s . Influencing With Integrity G e n i e Laborde, S y n t o n y P u b l i s h i n g C o . , 1984. Subtitled ' M a n a g e m e n t skills for c o m m u n i c a t i o n a n d negotiation', it is a fine introduction to N L P in a business context. Clearly written, it covers s u c h matters as o u t c o m e s , rapport, acuity a n d flexibility and their applications in m e e t i n g s and negotiation. 90 Days to Communications Excellence G e n i e Laborde, S y n t o n y P u b l i s h i n g C o . , 1985. A c o m p a n i o n workbook to go with Influencing with Integrity, it breaks d o w n sensory acuity a n d pattern recognition i n t o small learnable chunks. Rapport on the Telephone G e n i e Laborde, S y n t o n y P u b l i s h i n g C o . , 1991. D e s i g n e d as a notepad, e a c h p a g e contains a separate skill, from setting o u t c o m e s to p a c i n g a n d leading, a n d gathering referrals. S i m p l e u s e o f N L P o n the telephone.

Performance Management Michael M c M a s t e r , M e t a m o r p h o u s Press, 1986. C o m m u n i c a t i o n and training i n m a n a g e m e n t using N L P together w i t h other approaches. Unlimited Selling Power D. M o i n e a n d K. Lloyd, Prentice-Hall, 1990. Subtitled ' H o w to M a s t e r H y p n o t i c Selling basically the M i l t o n M o d e l for salespeople.

Strategies',

this is

Modern Persuasion Strategies J. M o i n e and J. H e r d , Prentice-Hall, 1985. O n e of the best books on personal influence in t h e sales context. A clear introduction to the t h e m e of hypnotic l a n g u a g e patterns in everyday life. No Experience Necessary Scott N e l s o n , M e t a Publications, 1990. Techniques for s u c c e e d i n g in telemarketing. The Magic of Rapport J. Richardson and J Margoulis, M e t a Publications, 1988. D e a l s w i t h rapport building and hypnotic persuasion techniques. Saks: The Mind's Side J a m e s E. Robertson, M e t a m o r p h o u s Press, 1989. Sports psychology a n d mental training as it applies to sales. Focuses more on the salesperson than selling strategies.

EDUCATION Master Teaching Techniques B. Cleveland, C o n n e c t i n g Link Press, 1984. Workbook format for teachers to apply the basic techniques of N L P in the classroom. T h e exercises in the book are best practised w i t h small groups. Righting the Educational Conveyor Belt Michael Grinder, M e t a m o r p h o u s Press, 1989. A g o o d , detailed application of parts of N L P to classroom teaching. A very useful, interesting and practical book. Meta-Cation: Prescriptions for Some Ailing Educational Processes Sid J a c o b s e n , M e t a Publications, 1983.

N L P ideas such as metaphor, anchors, representational systems and guided fantasy applied to individual educational counselling. Meta-Cation 2 Sid J a c o b s e n , M e t a Publications, 1987. C o m p a n i o n book giving further applications and d e v e l o p m e n t s of V o l u m e 1. Mela-Cation 3 Sid J a c o b s e n , M e t a Publications, 1988. C o m p a n i o n book g i v i n g further applications and d e v e l o p m e n t s of V o l u m e s 1 and 2. Super-Teaching Eric P. J e n s e n , Turning Point for Teachers, 1988. A workbook of N L P , accelerated learning and other techniques for use in the classroom, with m a n y practical tips. Classroom Magic L i n d a Lloyd, M e t a m o r p h o u s Press, 1989. Applies N L P skills to primary school classroom teaching in a series of daily lesson plans. Presents m a n y ideas to develop children's learning skills. Listening Skills in Musk J o s e p h O ' C o n n o r , L a m b e n t Books, 1989. T h e results of m o d e l l i n g talented musicians, full account of the strategy for musical m e m o r y and how to teach it. Includes a v i d e o of the m o d e l l i n g process. Not Pulling Strings J o s e p h O ' C o n n o r , L a m b e n t Books, 1987. A book about learning and teaching music. Explains and uses basic N L P ideas of rapport, representational systems and sub-modalities. The Carnival D. S p e n c e , Southern Institute Press, 1987. A story incorporating N L P techniques, designed to introduce N L P ideas to children.

HEALTH

AND

THERAPY

Virginia Satir: The Patterns of her Magk Steve A n d r e a s , Science and Behaviour, 1992.

A full transcript of Virginia Satir working with 'forgiving parents'. Includes detailed c o m m e n t a r y and highlights m a n y patterns. Metamedicine V i d a Baron, Barez Publishing C o m p a n y , 1990. S i m p l e and basic N L P frames applied to medicine. Solutions L. C a m e r o n - B a n d l e r , FuturePace Inc., 1985. T h i s is a revised and expanded edition of They LivedHappily Ever After. Clear a n d detailed application of N L P to sexual and relationship problems. Beliefs: Pathways to Health and WeUbeing R o b e r t Dilts, Real People Press, 1990. A book aptly described by the title, about h o w your beliefs affect your health. Therapeutic Metaphors D a v i d G o r d o n , M e t a Publications, 1978. Presents a m o d e l for generating powerful metaphors to help people get in t o u c h with their resources. Ways of utilizing synesthesia, representational s y s t e m s and submodalities are included. Patterns of Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H Erickson M.D., Volume 1 J o h n G r i n d e r and R i c h a r d Bandier, M e t a Publications, 1975. C l e a r exposition of the artfully v a g u e l a n g u a g e patterns used by M i l t o n Erickson. Basic trance i n d u c t i o n of p a c i n g a n d leading, distracting the d o m i n a n t h e m i s p h e r e and accessing the n o n - d o m i n a n t h e m i s p h e r e is explained. Includes a session of Erickson w o r k i n g with A l d o u s Huxley. T h e s e c o n d N L P book t o b e published. Patterns of Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson M.D., Wume 2 J o h n Grinder, Richard Bandier, J u d i t h DeLozier, M e t a Publications, 1977. C o m p a n i o n to Volume 1, more technical and detailed, with transcripts of Erickson working with clients. Irresistible Communication: Creative Skills jbr the Health Professional M a r k K i n g , Larry Novick and Charles C i t r e n b a u m , W. B. Saunders & C o . , 1983. C l e a r a n d practical introduction t o N L P a n d c o m m u n i c a t i o n for doctors, nurses and social workers. Get the Results You Want: A Systemic Approach to NLP K. Kostere and L. Malatests, M e t a m o r p h o u s Press, 1985.

A d e a r introduction to N L P for therapists with transcripts of client sessions. Maps, Models and the Structure of Reality K. Kostere a n d L. Malatesta, M e t a m o r p h o u s Press, 1992. A fairly straightforward exploration of t h e philosophical u n d e r p i n n i n g s of N L P and h o w they relate to the use of the techniques. Practical Magic S t e v e n L a n k t o n , M e t a Publications, 1980, Subtitled 'A translation of basic N L P into clinical psychotherapy'. D e a l s w i t h rapport, representational systems, anchors, the M e t a M o d e l , strategies, trance a n d m e t a p h o r s applied to psychotherapy. Facticity: A Door to Mental Health and Beyond R a g i n i Elizabeth M i c h a e l s , Facticity Trainings, 1991. A book on r e c o g n i z i n g a n d integrating the light a n d dark aspects of our personality. Changing With Familk-t V i r g i n i a Satir, J o h n G r i n d e r a n d R i c h a r d Bandier, Science and B e h a v i o u r Books, 1976. Excellent descriptions of V i r g i n i a Satir's work. sentational systems in families and non-verbal extensively dealt with,

Sorting repreb e h a v i o u r are

Ttbur Balancing Act: Discovering New Life through Five Dimensions of H&tlness C a r o l y n Taylor, M e t a m o r p h o u s Press, 1988. Presents a m o d e l of health t h r o u g h belief systems. T h e five areas are physical, mental, e m o t i o n a l , social a n d spiritual. M a k e s great use of the D i s n e y character, J i m i n y Cricket,

NLP

RESOURCES

GUIDE

If you are interested in buying NLP books, a u d i o t a p e s or videos, please contact John Seymour Associates and we will be pleased to send you an u p - t o - d a t e list of suppliers in t h e UK. Suppliers, if you ward to ensure that you are on the list, please contact us. J o h n S e y m o u r Associates INLP2 17 Boyce Drive St Werburghs Bristol BS2 9XQ. Tel: 0 2 7 2 5 5 7 8 2 7 For international calls, dial 44 272 5 5 7 8 2 7 Fax: 0 2 7 2 413004

Computer

Networking

Compuserve T h e N L P section o n C o m p u s e r v e Information Service ( C I S ) , the international bulletin board, is growing rapidly. It has a section to itself in the A I E x p e r t Forum. For details o f C I S i n the U K telephone: 0 8 0 0 2 8 9 4 5 8 or write to: 15-16 Lower Park R o w P O Box 676 Bristol BS99 1 Y N Outside the UK C o n t a c t national associations or local training centres for information on resources.

NLP

GLOSSARY

Accessing Cues

T h e ways we tune our bodies by breathing, posture, gesture and eye m o v e m e n t s to think in certain ways.

'As-If Frame

P r e t e n d i n g that s o m e event h a s h a p p e n e d , so thinking 'as if it had occurred, e n c o u r a g e s creative problemsolving by mentally going b e y o n d apparent obstacles to desired solutions.

Analogue

C o n t i n u o u s l y variable b e t w e e n limits, like a d i m m e r switch for a light.

Anchoring

T h e process by which any stimulus or representation (external or internal) gets c o n n e c t e d to and triggers a response. A n c h o r s can occur naturally or be set up intentionally.

Associated

Inside an experience, s e e i n g through your o w n eyes, fully in your senses.

Auditory Backtrack

To do with the sense of hearing. To review or s u m m a r i z e , using another's key words and tonalities,

Behaviour

A n y activity that we e n g a g e in, i n c l u d i n g thought processes.

Beliefs

T h e generalizations we make about the world and o u r operating principles in it.

Calibration

Accurately recognizing another reading non-verbal signals.

Capability

A successful strategy for carrying out a task.

Chunking or Stepping

C h a n g i n g your perception by going up or d o w n a logical level. S t e p p i n g up is going up to a level that includes what you are studying. S t e p p i n g d o w n is going to a level below for a m o r e specific e x a m p l e of w h a t y o u

person's

state

by

are studying. T h i s c a n be d o n e on the basis of m e m b e r and class, or part a n d whole. Complex Equivalence

Two statements that are considered to m e a n the s a m e thing, e.g. ' H e is not looking at m e , so he is not listening to w h a t I say.'

Congruence

State of b e i n g unified, and c o m p l e t e l y sincere, with all aspects of a person working together toward an outcome.

Conscious

A n y t h i n g in present m o m e n t awareness.

Content Reframing

Taking a statement a n d g i v i n g it another m e a n i n g , by focusing on another part of the content, asking, ' W h a t else could this m e a n ? '

Context Reframing

C h a n g i n g the context of a statement to give it another m e a n i n g , by asking, ' W h e r e would this be an appropriate response?'

Conversational Postulate

H y p n o t i c form of language, interpreted as a c o m m a n d .

Criterion

W h a t is important to you in a particular context.

Cross over Mirroring

M a t c h i n g a person's b o d y l a n g u a g e with a different type of m o v e m e n t , e.g. t a p p i n g your foot in t i m e to their speech rhythm.

Deep Structure

T h e complete linguistic form of a statement from w h i c h the surface structure is derived.

Deletion

In speech or thought, missing out a portion of an experience.

Digital

Varying between two different states like a light switch that m u s t be on or off.

Dissociated

N o t in an experience, seeing or hearing it from the outside.

Distortion

T h e process by w h i c h s o m e t h i n g is inaccurately represented in internal experience in a limiting way.

Dovetailing Outcomes

T h e process of fitting together different o u t c o m e s , optimizing solutions. The basis of win-win negotiations.

Downtime

a

question

that

is

In a light trance state with your attention inwards to your own thoughts and feelings.

Ecology

A concern for the overall relationship b e t w e e n a b e i n g

and its e n v i r o n m e n t . A l s o used in reference to internal ecology; the overall relationship between a person and their thoughts, strategies, behaviours, capabilities, values and beliefs. T h e d y n a m i c balance of e l e m e n t s in any system. Elicitation

Evoking a state by your behaviour. A l s o gathering information either by direct observation of non-verbal signals or by asking M e t a M o d e l questions.

Eye Accessing Cues

M o v e m e n t s of the eyes in certain directions which indicate visual, auditory or kinesthetic thinking.

Epistemology

T h e study of h o w we know what we know.

First Ivsition

Perceiving the world from your own point of view only. B e i n g in touch with your o w n inner reality O n e of three different Perceptual Positions, the others b e i n g S e c o n d and T h i r d Position.

Frame

Set a context or way or perceiving s o m e t h i n g as in O u t c o m e F r a m e , R a p p o r t Frame, Backtrack Frame, etc.

Future Pace

M e n t a l l y rehearsing an o u t c o m e to ensure that the desired b e h a v i o u r will occur.

Generalization

T h e process by which o n e specific experience c o m e s to represent a w h o l e class of experiences.

Gustatory Identity

To do with the sense of taste. Your self-image or self-concept. W h o you take yourself to be. T h e totality of y o u r being.

Incongruence

State of having reservations, not totally c o m m i t t e d to an o u t c o m e , the internal conflict will be expressed in the person's behaviour.

Intention

T h e purpose, the desired o u t c o m e of an action.

Internal

Patterns of information we create and store in o u r

Representations

m i n d s in c o m b i n a t i o n s of images, s o u n d s , feelings, smells and tastes.

Kinesthetic

T h e feeling sense, tactile sensations and interna! feelings such as r e m e m b e r e d sensations, e m o t i o n s , and the sense of balance.

Leading

C h a n g i n g your own behaviours with e n o u g h rapport for the other person to follow.

Lead System

T h e representational system that finds information to input into consciousness.

Logical Level

S o m e t h i n g will be on a higher logical level if it includes s o m e t h i n g on a lower level.

Map of Reality ( M o d e l of the World) Each person's unique representation of the world built from his or her individual perceptions and experiences. Matching

A d o p t i n g parts of another person's behaviour for the purpose of e n h a n c i n g rapport.

Meta

Existing at a different logical level to s o m e t h i n g else. D e r i v e d from Greek, m e a n i n g over a n d beyond.

Metacognition

K n o w i n g about knowing: h a v i n g a skill, and knowledge about it to explain h o w you do it.

Meta Model

A m o d e l that identifies l a n g u a g e patterns that obscure m e a n i n g in a c o m m u n i c a t i o n through the processes of distortion, deletion and generalization, and specific questions to clarify a n d challenge imprecise l a n g u a g e to connect it back to sensory experience and the d e e p structure.

Metaphor

Indirect c o m m u n i c a t i o n by a story or figure of speech implying a c o m p a r i s o n . In N L P similes, parables and allegories.

Metaprograms

Habitual

and

systematic

filters

the

m e t a p h o r covers we

put

on

our

experience. Milton Model

Mirroring

T h e inverse of the M e t a M o d e l , u s i n g artfully vague l a n g u a g e patterns to pace another person's experience and access u n c o n s c i o u s resources. Precisely

matching

portions

of

another

person's

behaviour. Mismatching

A d o p t i n g different patterns of behaviour to another person, breaking rapport for the purpose of redirecting, interrupting or t e r m i n a t i n g a m e e t i n g or conversation.

Modal Operator A

linguistic

term

for

rules

linguistic

term

for

words

(should,

ought,

etc.)

of Necessity Modal Operator A

that

denote

what

is

of Possibility

considered possible (can, cannot, etc.).

Model

A practical description of h o w s o m e t h i n g works, w h o s e

24-4

Iniwducing Neuro-Linguistk Programming p u r p o s e is to be useful. A generalized, deleted or distorted copy.

Modelling

T h e process of discerning the s e q u e n c e of ideas and behaviour that enable s o m e o n e to accomplish a task. T h e basis of accelerated learning.

Model of the

Each person's u n i q u e representation of the world built from his or h e r individual perceptions a n d experiences. T h e s u m total of an individual's personal operating principles.

World ( M a p of Reality) Multiple Description NeuroLinguistic

T h e process of describing the s a m e thing from different viewpoints. T h e study of excellence and a m o d e l of how individuals structure their experience.

Programming Neurological Levels

A l s o k n o w n as the different logical levels of experience: e n v i r o n m e n t , behaviour, capability, belief, identity and spiritual.

New Code A description of N L P that c o m e s from the work of J o h n G r i n d e r and J u d i t h D e L o z i e r in their book Turtles All the Wxy Down. Nominalization

Linguistic term for the process of turning a verb into an abstract n o u n , and the word for the n o u n so formed.

Olfactory

To do with the sense of smell.

Outcome

A specific, sensory-based, desired result that m e e t s the well-formedness criteria.

Overlap

Pacing

U s i n g o n e representational system to gain access to another, for e x a m p l e , picturing a scene and then hearing the s o u n d s in it. G a i n i n g a n d m a i n t a i n i n g rapport with another person over a period of time by j o i n i n g them in their m o d e l of the world. You c a n pace beliefs a n d ideas as well as behaviour.

Parts

Sub-personalities flicting.

Perceptual Filters

T h e u n i q u e ideas, experiences, beliefs and l a n g u a g e that shape o u r m o d e l of the world.

with

intentions,

sometimes

con-

Perceptual Position

T h e viewpoint we are aware of at any m o m e n t can be our o w n (First Position), s o m e o n e else's ( S e c o n d Position), or an objective and benevolent observer's (Third Position),

Phonological Ambiguity

Two words that s o u n d the same, difference is plain/plane to see/sea.

Physiological

To do with the physical part of a person.

Predicates

Sensory-based words that indicate the use of o n e representational system,

Preferred System

T h e representational system that an individual typically uses most to think consciously and organize his or her experience.

Presuppositions

Ideas or statements that have to be taken for granted for a c o m m u n i c a t i o n to m a k e sense.

Punctuation Ambiguity

A m b i g u i t y created by m e r g i n g two separate sentences into o n e can always try to make sense of t h e m .

Quotes

We read a definition of this o n c e that said, 'Linguistic pattern in which y o u r m e s s a g e is expressed as if by s o m e o n e else.'

Rapport

T h e process of establishing and m a i n t a i n i n g a relationship of mutual trust a n d u n d e r s t a n d i n g between two or more people, the ability to generate responses from another person.

Reframing

C h a n g i n g the frame of reference r o u n d a statement to give it another m e a n i n g .

Representation

An

idea:

a

coding

or

storage

of

but

there/their

sensory-based

information in the m i n d . Representation System

H o w we c o d e information in o u r m i n d s in o n e or more of the five sensory systems: V i s u a l , Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory (smell) a n d Gustatory (taste).

Requisite

Flexibility of thought and behaviour.

Variety Resources

A n y m e a n s that can be brought to b e a r to achieve an o u t c o m e : physiology, states, thoughts, strategies, experiences, people, events or possessions.

Resourceful State

T h e total neurological a n d physical experience w h e n a person feels resourceful.

Second Position Perceiving the world from another person's point of view. B e i n g in t u n e and in touch with their reality. O n e of three different Perceptual Positions, the others b e i n g First and T h i r d Position. Sensory Acuity

T h e process of learning to make finer and more useful distinctions about the sense information we get from the world.

Sensory-Based Description

Information that is direcdy observable and verifiable by the senses. It is the difference b e t w e e n ' T h e lips are pulled taut, s o m e parts of her teeth are s h o w i n g and the e d g e s of her m o u t h are higher than the m a i n line of her m o u t h ' and 'She's happy' - which is an interpretation.

State

H o w you feel, your m o o d . T h e s u m total of neurological and physical processes within individual at any m o m e n t in time. T h e state we are affects our capabilities and interpretation experience.

all an in of

Stepping

S e e Chunking,

Strategy

A s e q u e n c e of thought and behaviour to obtain a particular o u t c o m e .

Submodality

D i s t i n c t i o n s within each representational system, qualities of o u r internal representations, the smallest building blocks of our thoughts.

Surface Structure

Linguistic term tor the spoken or written c o m m u n i c a t i o n that has been derived from the d e e p struture by deletion, distortion and generalization.

Synesthesia

A u t o m a t i c link from o n e sense to another.

Syntactic Ambiguity

A m b i g u o u s sentence w h e r e a verb plus ' i n g ' c a n serve either as an adjective or a verb, e.g. Influencing people can make a difference.

Third Position

Perceiving the world from the v i e w p o i n t of a detached and benevolent observer. O n e of three different Perceptual Positions, the others being First a n d S e c o n d Position.

Timeline

T h e way we store pictures, sounds and feelings of our past, present and future.

Trance

An altered state with an inward focus of attention on a few stimuli.

Triple Description Unconscious

T h e process of perceiving experience through First, S e c o n d and T h i r d Positions. Everything

that

is

not

in

your

present

moment

awareness. Unified Field

Universal Quantifiers

T h e unifying framework for N L P . A three-dimensional matrix of Neurological Levels, Perceptual Positions a n d Time. Linguistic term for words such as 'every', a n d 'all' that admit no exceptions; o n e of the M e t a M o d e l categories.

Unspecified

N o u n s that do not specify to w h o m or to what they

Nouns

refer.

Unspecified

Verbs that have the adverb deleted, they do not say

Verbs

how the action was carried out. T h e process is not specified.

Uptime

State where the attention and senses are c o m m i t t e d outwards.

Values

W h a t is important to you.

\ktibuiar

Representational system that deals with the sense of

System

balance.

Visual

To do with the sense of sight.

Visualization

T h e process of s e e i n g i m a g e s in your m i n d .

mil-

A way of thinking about and expressing an o u t c o m e

Formtdness Criteria

w h i c h makes it both achievable and verifiable. T h e y are the

basis

solutions.

of

dovetailing

outcomes

and

win/win

INDEX

If an entry is starred* it is in the glossary. Bold type indicates main reference. Accessing Cues,* 111, 188 Eye, 3 5 - 9 , 136 Other, 3 9 - 4 1 Acuity, see Sensory Acuity Acupuncture, 212 Allegory, 121 Ambiguity, 119 Phonological,* 119 Punctuation* 119 Syntactic* 119 Analogue," 43 Anchoring* 5 3 - 6 , 73, 89, 161, 170, 195 Anchoring Resourceful States Summary, 5 8 - 9 Auditory, 54, 57 Chain, 60, 170 Collapse Anchors Summary, 61-2

Kinesthetic, 54, 56 Resource. 56-9 Stack, 59, 170 Visual, 54, 57 Anthropology, 23 Aristotle, 42 Art, 207 Art Therapy, 30 Assertiveness Training, 207 Associated,* 4 1 - 2 , 44, 51, 171 Augustine. St., 208 Bailey, Rodger, 155 Bandier, Richard, 2 - 3 , 30, 70, 113,

121, 179-80, 202 Basque People, 35 Bateson, Gregory, 2 - 3 , 13, 68, 75, 113, 180, 205, 208 BATNA, 166 Behavioural Frames, 5-6 Beliefs* 5, 68, 78, 8 3 - 6 , 183-4, 185 Biology, 3 Body Language, 16-19, 40 Brain Hemispheres, 118-19 Business, 105-6, 160-1, 201 Butterfly Effect, 69, 207 Calibration,* 5 2 - 3 Cameron-Bandler, Leslie, 155 Capability,* 78, 194 Carroll, Lewis, 10, 83, 87, 93, 110, 113 Cause Effect Distortion, 1 0 2 - 4 , 130 Change Personal History, 6 2 - 4 Summary, 6 3 - 4 Chaos, 207 Chess, 29, 111, 146-8 Chunking,* 1 4 6 - 8 , 165 Outcomes, 13 Communication, 15-19, 67 Comparisons, 93, 117 Complex Equivalence* 100 Compuserve, 239 Conditional Close, 163 Conflict, 141 Congruence* 141-2, 158, 169 Signal. 142 Conscious,* 6, 112, 116, 118 Content, 17, 67, 129

Context, 17, 67, 129 Conversational Postulates,* 120-1 Counselling, 209 Counter Examples, 100-1 Criteria,* 143-6 Cybernetics, 3, 69 Darwin, Charles, 13 Deep Structure,* 91-2 Deletions* 91-2, 107 DeLozier, Judith, 76, 77, 113 Digital* 43 Dilts, Robert, 72, 77, 108, 191, 192, 199 Disney, Walt, 194 Dissociated,* 41, 42, 171 Distortions,* 91, 107 Dolphins, 75 Donne, John, 67 Downside Planning, 160 Downtime,* 111-12 Dreams, 121, 194, 196 Dyslexia, 194 Ecology,* 12, 14, 134, 159 Education, 98, 112, 191-2 Einstein, Albert, 12, 182 EHcitation,* 51-2 Embedded Commands, 119 Embedded Questions, 120 Emotions, 27, 45, 49-50, 53, 207 Environment, 78 Epistemology* 205 Erickson, Milton, 2. 113-14, 121 Eskimos, 88 Evolution, 69, 77 Excellence, 1, 181-2 Eye Accessing Cues, 3 5 - 9 Failure to Feedback, 5, 7 2 - 3 Fairy Tales, 74, 122, 127 Feedback, 5 First Order Change, 170-1 First Position* 76 Flexibility, 9 Frames,* 158-60 As If* 159 Backtrack,* 151, 160, 163 Ecology. 14, 159 Evidence, 159

Outcome, 159 Fuller, Buckminster, 206 Future Pace,* 6 4 - 5 , 133, 164, 173, 176 Generalization,' 37, 40, 9 1 - 2 , 107 Gestalt. 2, 112, 179 Grinder, John,* 2, 30, 7 6 - 7 , 90, 108. 113, 121, 179-80, 202 Groupwork, 209 Habits, 6, 7, 74 Hanuoo People, 89 Hologram, 81, 205 Huxley, Aldous, 25, 59 Hypnotherapy, 113, 212 Identity,* 78 Imagery, see Visualization Constructed, 3 6 - 7 , 196 Remembered, 36-7 Incongruence,* 1 4 2 - 3 , 169 Intention,* 114, 1 3 0 - 1 , 133 Internal Conflict Resolution, 176-8 Internal Dialogue, 28, 107, 197 Intuition, 202 Investing in Yourself, 209-11 Jonson, Ben, 33 Judgements, 94, 117 Jungian Symbolism, 30 Kinesthetic,* 27, 196 Language, 8 7 - 8 , 118, 139-40, 202 and Behaviour Profile, 155 Lateral Eye Movements,* 3 5 - 9 Leading,* 2 1 - 3 , 134-15 Learning, 6 - 8 , 71-5, 191 Accelerated, 182, 202-3 Four Stages, 7-8 Language, 202 Levels, 73-5 Traditional, 7-8, 182, 202 Linguistics, 88 Logical Level,* 80, 169 Loops, 72 Recursive, 250 Lorenz, Edward, 207 Manipulation, 164

Map of Reality* 4 - 5 , 25, 45 Matching* 1 9 - 2 2 , 32 Meditation, 209 Meetings, 160-4 Meetings Format Summary, 163 Memory, 43, 1 8 9 - 9 2 Mental Rehearsal, 6 4 - 6 , 170 Meta,* 90 Meta Model,* 9 0 - 1 0 9 , 113, 115, 186, 203 Metacognition* 198 Metaphor, 121-6, 207, 208 Metaprograms,* 1 4 9 - 5 7 Convincer patterns, 154-5 General-Specific, 152-3 Internal-External, 151-2 Match-Mismatch, 153-4 Metaprogram summary, 156-7 Options-Procedures, 152 Pro active-Reactive, 150-1 Tbwards-Away, 151 Miller, George, 6 Milton Model* 113-14, 115-18 Mind Reading, 52, 1 0 4 - 5 , 117 Mirroring* 20-1 Cross over, 21 Mismatching* 20 Modal Operators, 96 of Necessity* 9 8 - 9 of Possibility* 9 6 - 7 , 118 Model,* 2, 1 7 9 - 8 5 Model of the World,* 182 Modelling* 2 - 3 , 1 7 9 - 8 5 in business, 201 Montaigne, Michel de, 131 Mozart, Wolfgang Amadeus, 189 Multiple Description* 76-7 Music, 88, 120, 122, 188-9 Negotiation, 164-8 Neurological Levels,* 77-82 Neurology, 3, 27, 35, 189, 197 New Behaviour,Generator, 65—6, 129, 170 New Code,* 77 NLP* Applications, 2 Definition, 1, 15 Metaphor, 208 Model, 5

New Code,* 77 Origin, 2, 179, 202 Place in Culture, 208 Presuppositions, 4 - 6 , 8 - 9 , 101-2 Purpose, 16 Training, 55, 212-13 Nominalizations,* 9 5 - 6 , 116 O'Connor, Joseph, 254 Orwell, George, 95 Outcome,* 9, 10-14, 106, 128, 159 Dovetailing,* 164 Well formed,* 10, 157 Wellformedness Criteria,* 10-14 Overlap,* 3 3 - 5 Pacing,* 21-3, 114-15 Parable, 121 Parts* 1 3 1 - 4 , 176-8 Perceptual Filters,* 5, 25, 76, 8 3 - 4 , 185, 211 Perceptual Position,* 76-7 Perls, Fritz, 2, 90, 97, 181 Personal Development, 1, 134, 209-10 Persona] History, 80, 112 Phobia, 171 Phobia Cure, 171-4 Physiology,* 49-53, 182, 184, 197 Picasso, Pablo, 4 Pink Floyd, 180 Pituitary, 70 Placebo, 84 Positive Intention, 22, 72, 114, 1 3 0 - 2 , J77 Predicates,* 3 1 - 2 , 4 6 - 8 , 186 Presuppositions* 101-2, 117 Proprioceptive, 27 Prosperity Consciousness, 209 Psychoanalysis, 30, 112 Psychosomatic Symptom, 132 Psychotherapy, 2, 112, 169, 209 Pygmalion Effect, 84 Quantum Physics, 207 Questions for Eye Accessing Cues, 37-8 Quotes,* 120 Rapport* 1 9 - 2 1 , 32, 76, 107, 114,

162, 167 Rebirthing, 209 Recursion, 200 Reframing* 126-34 Content,* 129 Context* 129 Six step, 131-4 Relationship Training, 209 Relaxation, 88, 115 Relevancy Challenge, 162 Representation* 27 Representational System,* 2 6 - 3 9 , 68, 77, 186, 198 Auditory* 27, 42, 4 6 - 7 External Lead System, 27 Gustatory* 27, 4 6 - 8 Input, 33 Internal Lead System, 3 2 - 3 Kinesthetic,* 27, 4 2 - 3 , 4 6 - 8 Lead,* 32 Olfactory,* 28, 46, 48 Preferred,* 2 9 - 3 0 , 112 Strategies, 186-8 Vestibular, 28 Visual, 27, 42, 46 Requisite Variety,* 72 Resources,* 11, 14, 5 6 - 6 0 , 114 Rodin, Auguste, 40 Russell, Peter, 209 Santa Cruz, 2 - 3 , 108, 179 Satir, Virginia, 2, 69, 90, 180, 181 Schizophrenia, 3 Second Order Change, 176 Second Position* 76, 200 Secondary Gain, 134, 176 Self-Fulfilling Prophecies, 84, 100 Selling, 143, 157-8, 212 Senses, 25, 186 Feeling, 3, 25 Hearing, 3, 25 Sight, 3, 25 Smell, 3, 25 Taste, 3, 25 Sensory Acuity,* 8-9, 26 Sensory-Based Description,* 31-2, 104 Seymour, John, 2 5 4 - 5 Shaw, George Bernard, 13 Signal, 9, 58, 59, 66, 115

Congruency, 142 Incongruence 142-3 Involuntary, 132-4 Similes, 121 Sleight of Mouth, 128 Spiritual, 78 Spitzer, Bob, 179 Squash, 127 Stage Fright, 170 State,* 49, 103, 111 Break, 50 Change, 50 Desired, 1 5 - 1 6 , 71 Present, 1 5 - 1 6 , 50, 71 Resourceful,* 50, 5 6 - 9 Stepping, see Chunking Stories, 121 Strategies,* 185-8 Buying, 187 Creativity, 194-8 Going to sleep, 187-8 Learning, 187, 191 Memory, 190-2 Motivation, 187 Music, 188-9 Spelling, 192-4 Stress Management, 209 Swish Pattern, 174-6 Submodalities,* 4 1 - 5 , 68, 73, 135, 146, 186, 193, 202, 203 Critical, 43, 136, 174-5 Surface Structure,* 91 Synesthesia,* 3 3 - 5 Systems, 12, 6 7 - 7 0 Tai Chi, 209 Talent, 181 Telephone Position, 40 Third Position * 76 Time, 79-80, 134, 137 Timeline,* 134-40 In Time, 137-8 Through Time, 137-8 Tonal Marking, 1 0 8 - 9 , 119 Tonality, 17, 19 TOTE, 71, 200 Training, 201, 212-13 Trance,* 111-21, 134 Transactional Analysis, 209 Transference, 129

Transformational Grammar, 92 Transitions, 114-15 Translation, 3 4 - 5 Triple Description,* 76-7 Trying, 68 Twain, Mark, 131 Unconscious* 6, 27, 31, 53, 113-18, 119-21, 132 Unified Field,* 77-81 Universal Quantifiers,' 9 9 - 1 0 1 , 117 Unspecified Nouns,* 9 2 - 3 Unspecified Verbs,' 9 3 - 4 , 117

Uptime,* 111-12 Values, 143-6 Visual* 27 Visual Squash, 177-8 Visualization,* 27, 44, 111, 118, 188 V/K Dissociation, set Phobia Cure Voice Matching, 20 Wisdom, 68, 77, 159, 208 Yoga, 209

A B O U T THE

AUTHORS

J o s e p h O ' C o n n o r is a writer, trainer a n d m u s i c i a n . He is particularly interested i n applying N L P t o e d u c a t i o n , m u s i c and p e r f o r m i n g arts. H e runs training courses for m u s i c i a n s and trains N L P courses w i t h J o h n S e y m o u r Associates. He is a licentiate of the Royal A c a d e m y of M u s i c a n d has a BSc in anthropology. J o s e p h trained i n N L P with J o h n Grinder, R o b e r t Dilts and Charlotte Bretto. H i s book Not Pulling Strings is about learning a n d draws on his experience o f teaching a n d playing the guitar. H e has d o n e original research on m o d e l l i n g talented m u s i c i a n s at the Yehudi M e n u h i n School, resulting in a v i d e o (Listening Skills in Music) s h o w i n g h o w to i m p r o v e the aural skills of a n y o n e l e a r n i n g m u s i c . He has also b e e n e n g a g e d in a project to m o d e l t h e acting skills of m e m b e r s of the Royal Shakespeare C o m p a n y . J o s e p h is a director of the Sports Performance Institute, w h i c h uses N L P in mental training for athletes. He h a s d o n e a m o d e l l i n g project with top j u n i o r tennis players in L o n d o n . H e i s currently working with J o h n o n their next book d e a l i n g with N L P , training and presentation skills. J o s e p h ' s m a i n interest is m a k i n g l e a r n i n g in any area as easy, enjoyable, fast and effective as possible. H i s other interests include travel, s q u a s h a n d chess. He is married w i t h two daughters and lives in L o n d o n . For further information on courses and seminars write to: L a m b e n t Books 4 C o o m b e Gardens New Maiden Surrey KT3 4AA United Kingdom

J o h n S e y m o u r started J o h n S e y m o u r Associates in 1985 to provide c o m p r e h e n s i v e N L P training courses o f quality. H e also provides N L P training at national level for b o t h the health and education services. J o h n did his initial N L P training with J o h n G r i n d e r at the University of California, S a n t a C r u z , in 1984 to practitioner level, and with Richard Bandier in 1985 to master practitioner level. He has worked professionally as an N L P trainer since then, g i v i n g h u n d r e d s of seminars and introducing t h o u s a n d s of people to N L P . Before that, his varied career has included teaching and lecturing, f o u n d i n g an experimental c o m m u n i t y , d e s i g n i n g and b u i l d i n g a lowe n e r g y house, c o u n s e l l i n g and personal d e v e l o p m e n t workshops. He has a d e g r e e in biology, two postgraduate d i p l o m a s in education and o n e in applied h u m a n i s t i c psychology. He is fascinated by the processes of creating a better world for all. He is currently working with J o s e p h on a n e w book about N L P and training skills. J o h n c a n be contacted at the address below. J o h n Seymour Associates We are a network of associates w h o believe that N L P represents the shape of things to c o m e in h u m a n resource development. O u r aim is to provide the highest quality and best value for m o n e y N L P training, We believe passionately in creating a better world for all. Services include: free brochure for information on N L P seminars a n d courses regular N L P newsletter regular N L P training in L o n d o n , Bristol and M a n c h e s t e r practitioner, master practitioner and trainer's trainings fully recognized b y A N L P in-house training and consulting for organizations distance learning books and tapes (currently under d e v e l o p m e n t )

For further help please contact us at: J o h n S e y m o u r Associates INLP2 17 Boyce Drive St Werburghs Bristol BS2 9 X Q . United Kingdom Tel: 0 2 7 2 5 5 7 8 2 7 For international calls, dial 44 272 5 5 7 8 2 7 Fax: 0 2 7 2 413004