35238213 Sex for Beginners

The „No

Holds Barred“ collection

SEX FOR BEGINNERS

by (Mrs.) Jasmina Petrovic Illustrated by (Mr.) Dobrosav “Bob” Zivkovic

Instead of an introduction

In a desire to reassure, instruct, encourage, entertain and tease you, we decided to write a book about sex, but without mincing words. We formed a team of superlative lay persons or nonexperts (and added two aunts) who conducted a survey among youngsters aged eight to eighteen.

Hello! I am aunt Marjorie. I think sex is very important for every human being, especially youngsters. If you want to learn as many things as possible about sex, and make sure they are accurate, stick to me and my advice.

Hello! My name is aunt Bessie. I think sex is very interesting for every human being, especially youngsters. If you want to enjoy sex and not do something stupid, stick to me and my observations.

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Respondents were asked the following five questions: 1. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SEX? 2. WHAT IS YOUR FIRST THOUGHT WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD SEX? 3. WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR INFORMATION ABOUT SEX? 4. WOULD YOU READ A BOOK ABOUT SEX? 5. VARIOUS.

Asked ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SEX, no fewer than 98 out of 100 said they were very interested in sex. Just one each picked the so-and-so and not interested at all answers. We divided the replies to the second question, WHAT IS YOUR FIRST THOUGHT WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD SEX, into two groups.

Interesting answers: 1. Excitement (Jovan, aged 17) 2. Darkness (Zorica, 16) 3. Jelena (Marko, 15) 4. Kissing (Natasha, 13) 5. Making out (Sinisa, 15) 6. Love (Jasmina, 17) 7. Pamela Anderson (Dusan, 15) 8. Screwing (Nikola, 18) 9. School trips (Sanja, 16) 10. Condom (Petar, 17)

Uninteresting answers: 1. Flower pot (Sonja, 8) 2. Open your mouth and I’ll tell you (Milica, 9) 3. Naked women (Aca, 10) 4. Cookies (Sasha, 9) 5. A joke about little Perica (Nikola, 11) 6. None of your business (Jovana, 10)

Here… I opened my mouth!

OBSERVATION: The younger respondents were both much cheekier and much less interested in sex than the older ones. We shall therefore refrain from giving the other uninteresting answers lest you lose all interest in sex.

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There were a number of different answers to the third question, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR INFORMATION ABOUT SEX?

1

I TALK TO MY PARENTS. They are embarrassed, and I am bored. What do parents know about sex, anyway?

5

I READ PORNOGRAPHIC LITERATURE. Until my father takes it (over).

2

I TALK TO TEACHERS. They are even more embarrassed, and I’m even more bored. Teachers know even less about sex than parents.

6

I WATCH SEX EDUCATION BROADCASTS ON CHILDREN’S TV. I know everything there is to know about the reproduction of ferns, earthworms and slugs.

3

I TALK TO FRIENDS. Every time they open their mouths – they lie.

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I WATCH PORNO MOVIES. Yes, every time my parents go to our cottage in the country – once in two months.

4

I READ MEDICAL LITERATURE. Sends you right to sleep.

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I USE THE INTERNET. Not since I’ve been ordered to pay the phone bill.

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5

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6 1 I protest! Why weren’t there any questions about aunts, who are so important for educating youngsters about sex?

Actually, aunts are more important for offering support!

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3 4

Question number four – WOULD YOU READ A BOOK ABOUT SEX? – drew an overwhelming YES response – 99 out of a hundred said: “certainly”, – “yes, if there are pictures”, “I can’t wait”, “wouldn’t you?”, “I’ll buy two, one for me and one for my best friend”. Only one answered “I want to be a musician” (probably wasn’t being serious, so we chucked out his reply). IN CONFIDENCE: We still haven’t

managed to classify the replies under number five, VARIOUS (and probably never will). EXPERT CONCLUSION OF THE SUPERLATIVE LAYPERSONS:

Judging by the responses we received, the humblest layman (let alone an expert) can conclude that young people find sex very attractive and important, but also mysterious, so that we began writing our book right away. We based our text and illustrations on: amateur research and professional knowledge, but most of all the misconceptions, dilemmas and follies of the authors and the people around them.

Puberty or adolescence

PUBERTY

CHILDHOOD

– a process during which a child becomes an adult. Begins at eleven (maybe earlier) and ends at 17 (maybe later). All manner of changes take place in this period: physical, emotional, mental, social, and of course sexual. Almost overnight, the small grows into the large, interesting subjects become boring and unimportant ones very important. The main cause of all those major and sudden changes are invisible substances – hormones, released by certain glands in the body. Hormones affect a great many processes in the brain. Sexual hormones control the development of physical sexual characteristics (menstruation, the production of egg-cells and sperm…), but they also affect the mind. They are female hormones (estrogen and progesterone) and male ones (testosterone). They help children to become adults. Given that not even experts know everything about hormones, we have decided not to delve too deeply into that subject. But their industrious and constant activity places people who are in puberty face to face with a number of questions:

Before sex

Contents (Part I)

Am I normal? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 (Two tests)

What do males and females have in common? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 (parents, school, conflicts, shyness, boredom complexes, acne, sex)

What is the difference between males and females? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28 (manner of thinking, height, weight, muscles, voice, body hair, breast size, menstruation, sexual organs)

Whatever is happening to me? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41 (flirting, infatuation, love, breaking up, jealousy, telephones, the computer in the service of sex, fantasizing in the service of sex, self-gratification, wet dreams, dates, kissing, caressing)

Sex

(Part II)

Why is sex interesting? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59 (petting, foreplay, sexual relations, say “yes”, say “no”)

Why is sex mysterious? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66 (erogenous zones, orgasm, virginity, positions, oral sex, anal sex, homosexuality, lesbianism)

Why is sex beneficial? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73 (pleasure, pregnancy, procreation, family)

What else should I learn? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77 (hygiene, contraception, gynecologist, urologist, psychologist)

What are the dark sides of sex? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82 (abortion, sexually-transmitted diseases, AIDS, sexual violence, rape, incest, pedophilia)

About sex

(Part III)

Is it good or bad? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89 (swearing and bad language, soft and hard-core pornography, prostitution, voyeurism, exhibitionism, group sex)

Talking about sex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93 (ancient and contemporary sexual mythology)

Sex through history . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96 (parents chose your wife/husband, no sex before marriage, the chastity belt)

Before we part . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 (Test your knowledge)

Part I

Before sex

Am I normal?

Am I a normal person?

– a question which is the biggest burden to youngsters in puberty or those facing it, as well as the authors of this book. The former will heave a sign of relief as soon as they realise that the problem is not in them but in hormones, while the third will just take a deep breath and continue writing and drawing. If one moment you feel like a child, yet within just half an hour you reason and behave like an adult, it would be quite normal to think you weren’t normal. The same will happen as you notice that day by day you become more and more different from your peers in regard to your

looks, feelings, thinking, interests, tastes… Everyone grows up in a different manner and at a different pace. Usually by leaps and bounds, sometimes gradually. The unsteadiness, diversity and the leaps may be interesting, but can also cause a lot of fatigue. Those around us only add to this adolescent mishmash by their comments and advice. What else is there to do but get even more confused and unsettled? Will my parents love me the way I am? Will anyone ever love me? Am I becoming a freak? Is there any way to stop this? Is there any way to speed this up? AM I TRULY A NORMAL PERSON?

There are many ways to reach the answer, and here we offer the simplest – take the following test!

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Test No. 1 DIRECTIONS: Read each question carefully and answer it only after thinking carefully. Circle only one of the two answers on offer – YES or NO. Add up the totals and read the conclusions.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Do you often look at yourself in a mirror? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes Do you often daydream? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes Do you hate studying? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes Do you listen to loud music? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes Do you collect pictures of show-business stars (if you’re a girl)? . . Yes Do you collect pictures of naked women (if you’re a boy) . . . . . . Yes 6. Do you quarrel with family members . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes 7. Do you have frequent mood swings? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes 8. Does everything bore you? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes 9. Does everyone (especially those younger than you) bore you? . . . Yes 10. Do you have a need to take tests like this one? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes

. . No . . No . . No . . No . . No . . No . . No . . No . . No . . No . . No

CONCLUSIONS: If more than half of your answers are YES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YOU ARE A NORMAL PERSON If more than half of your answers are NO . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YOU ARE A NORMAL PERSON

Marjorie, are you normal?

None of your business!

For all those who love these tests but are still uncertain whether this book is for them, here is another TEST:

Yoopie!

Another test 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Dou you spend a lot of time locked in the bathroom? . . . . Yes . . No Do you have acne? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No Has hair begun to grow on your body? . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No Are your breasts growing? (if you’re a girl) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No Is your sexual organ growing? (if you’re a boy) . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No Have your periods started? (if you’re a girl) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No Is your voice deeper? (If you’re a boy) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No Do you have the impression that your arms are longer and your legs shorter than they should be? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No Do you often fall in love, and out of love even more often? . . . . Yes . . . No Does everyone else have a better life than you do? . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No No one understands you and no one loves you, right? . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No Sex interests you a lot, but you’re afraid to admit it. . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No 10-9 YES

8-7 YES

6-5 YES

4-3 YES

2-0 YES

CONCLUSIONS: If you had: – 10 or 9 YES answers – you are in puberty and should continue reading this book. – 8 or 7 YES answers – you are facing puberty and should also continue reading this book. – 6 or 5 YES answers – you are a person who never left puberty, and you should also continue reading this book. – 4 or 3 YES answers – you are outside puberty, and should also continue reading this book (but at your own responsibility). – 2 to no YES answers – you KNOW EVERYTHING BEST ABOUT SEX, (and all other subjects, of course), so please sit down and write your own book.

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What do males and females have in common? Parents – when near at hand, they’re a bore and a burden, when far away, kids miss them.

However far away they might be, parents: a) ban everything kids love to do – You are not going on the end-of-year school trip! – You better be home by ten o’clock! – Don’t ever let me see you again with that boy with the ear-ring! – Get off the phone! – Stop playing those video games! – Turn down that awful music! b) order you to do everything you hate – – – – – –

Tidy up your room! Sit down and do your lessons! Get to bed this minute! Apologise to your father! Take out the trash! Come down and say hello to your aunt!

c) ask all the wrong questions – – – – – –

I want to know who was at the party! You didn’t join them in it, did you? Where have you been all day? Who were you talking to? How was the maths test? Own up and you won’t be punished!

ADVICE:

PASSIVE It’ll all pass...

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ACTIVE Freedom isn’t grant, it’s won!

If you don’t mind, I’d like to add something on the subject of parents and children. Every day we get heaps of letters like this one:

“Her school marks and studying have been slipping lately. She eats poorly and is hardly ever at home, spending all day with her friends. She won’t tell me anything and I no longer have any influence on her. She now has a boyfriend, a problematic boy who is quite a lot older than she is. I am afraid he might trick her into having sex with her. Alcohol, drugs and AIDS I don’t even dare think about. I am quite beside myself, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I did wrong…”

For this mum and for all other parents:

10 BITS OF ADVICE FROM AUNT MARJORIE: 1. Get as much information as possible about sex, AIDS, alcohol and drugs 2. Urge your children to talk freely on those subjects 3. Never ridicule their actions and Love them, trust them, help them to become suppress their questions independent, and give them 4. Help them to come face to face with a generous allowance! their emotions, dilemmas, fears… 5. Teach them to understand their sexual needs, without fear and shame 6. Teach them self-respect 7. Teach them to assume responsibility for their actions and their choices 8. Help them to comprehend influence their peers exert in regard to sex 9. Help them to draw positive conclusions from their failures 10. You are the most important models for them both in life and in sex.

School is an institution that provokes terror, nausea and boredom for as long as it lasts, and

sadness, emptiness and fond memories once it’s over. As far as sex is concerned, school plays a very important role, as it is an excellent hotbed of both great love sagas and soap operas. Lessons, breaks, supplementary classes, excursions and above everything else end-of-year trips offer excellent opportunities for an exchange of looks, declarations, notes, kisses, cuffs… Let us also not forget the lavatory walls, where the approach to sex is more liberal than anywhere else.

ATTENTION: Undesirable, negative, dangerous and perverted elements (maniacs and pedophiles) may appear in or around schools (see pages 84 and 85). ATTENTION: If we have succeeded in scaring you, that’s what we intended to do. If we haven’t, don’t worry, we’ll do it later, just read on!

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Dear teachers, school psychologists and pedagogues! Your attention, please! We know you are overloaded with every-day obligations and have no great desire to talk about sex with children and their parents, but I assure you that whatever you can do to this end will both mean a lot both to individuals and contribute to a healthier atmosphere in school.

For teachers, school psychologists and pedagogues only 5 BITS OF ADVICE FROM AUNT MARJORIE 1. Get as much information as possible about sex, AIDS, alcohol and drugs 2. Urge schoolchildren to get as much information about these subjects as possible 3. Try and achieve a relaxed atmosphere in class conducive to an open debate on love, sexuality, the attitude towards one’s own body, personal relations… 4. Organise lectures, debates, workshops… on sex 5. Inform parents who can help them and how they can be helped to instruct their children about sexuality.

One more thing! Smile, be happy and be sexy, of course!

Conflicts

have existed for as long as humankind. For centuries, various unpleasant situations, misunderstandings, twists and turns, break-ups, rows have taken place every day. Conflicts arise between persons of the same or different sexes, between two or more persons, peers, adults and children, lovers, members of the immediate and extended family, neighbours, friends, enemies… They can take place in the following forms: provocation, a non-violent row, a row with a scrap, a scrap with a row, a scrap without a row, a war… Conflicts are usually the result of recklessness, egocentricity, selfishness, shame, fear, poor hearing, age differences, gender differences…

On the road to independence and self-reliance, all children go through a number of conflicts, both with adults and with their peers (let alone those who are younger than they are). The oldest historical reports about this date from the times of the ancient (at that time young) Greeks. The conflict is always the same – it’s only the garb and scenery that change.

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Shyness and embarrassment are

divided equally among males and females.

They manifest themselves in two ways: One – reticence, queasiness in the belly, a pale face, physical and mental stiffness. Two – verbosity, queasiness in the head, a red face, excessive physical and mental activity. Here is what two unnamed kids in puberty told us about shyness: FIRST ANONYMOUS PERSON: I get even shyer when others notice that I am shy! SECOND ANONYMOUS PERSON: I am embarrassed of the fact that I am changing constantly and becoming someone else.

Don’t let yourself feel embarrassed or even worse, guilty, because you are growing up. You are changing – so what! Don’t be scared of changes. They will open new doors for you and bring you new joys. For example, you will become a truly equal partner in debate with your parents, which is no bad thing. Be patient! Don’t judge yourself too harshly! Accept your new face, your changed body, your new thinking. Try and understand both yourself, your peers and the changes you see in them. Poking savage fun at others will not ease your own troubles. Wait out the process together and be patient. Keep in mind that everyone grows up in his or her own way, and that every one of those ways is the right way! Here is some practical advice how you can help yourself fight shyness: 1. Regardless of everything and everyone, try and think as little as possible about your shyness and the changes it causes to you. 2. The heat and blushing cannot be suppressed by power of will – you just have to wait until they go away on their own. It is difficult and unpleasant, but once you pass over the first wave, all the others are easier. A second wave of shyness appears only very rarely. 3. Talk to others about your shyness, ask them how they deal with theirs. Do not run away from shyness and do not try to conceal it! 4. Try to deal with all jibes and unpleasant comments bravely and carry on. Talk about something else. Very often those around you will not even notice your shyness, it is you yourself it affects the most…

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What about shyness in sex?

The closer you are to your loved one, the less shy you will be! In the initial stages of your relationship, you should try and focus your thoughts on your good sides and away from what you don’t like about yourself. Do not burden yourself or others with your complexes. In time, your loved one will reveal to you many other wonderful sides of your person and personality. That is what loved ones are for – so they can see how wonderful we really are!

Here are the replies of the SECOND ANONYMOUS PERSON to the same question: 1. I am ashamed of taking off all my clothes. 1. I am ashamed of taking off all my 2. I am ashamed of my total inexperience. clothes. 3. I am embarrassed when the light is on. 2. I am ashamed of my total inexperience. 3. I am embarrassed when the light is on. Asked What are you ashamed of, the FIRST ANONYMOUS PERSON replied:

Boredom –

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This section was expunged – it was too boring! (Editor)

Complex

are a very complex matter. They are one of the indicators of the way we see ourselves, what we think others think about us, what are our fears… There are inferiority, mediocrity and superiority complexes.

PERSONS WHO SUFFER FROM INFERIORITY COMPLEXES

PERSONS FROM SUFFER FROM MEDIOCRITY COMPLEXES

PERSONS WHO SUFFER FROM SUPERIORITY COMPLEXES

– always see themselves as not good enough for anything or anyone. They always suffer the same troubles: others take their chair, slam doors in their face, don’t greet them in the street, take away their boy/girl-friends... Can be recognised by the can of ash they keep at hand – as soon as someone begins to praise them, they begin to heap ash on their heads in an effort to lessen their value and importance. In the presence of persons of the opposite sex, they trip and fall, stammer, talk rubbish (and then worry about it)… When people are talking about sex, they blush, look at the ground and nervously pluck wool out of their sweaters.

– wallow in averageness. They aren’t ugly, but cannot be called attractive, either. Intelligent: “soso,” popular: “more or less,” clothes: “well, not too bad,” funny: “nothing special”. Invited only to those parties where everyone else is invited; not very popular dates. Answer questions mostly by shrugging. Speak neither ill nor good of others. “Golden mean” and “Don’t make waves” are their favourite sayings. Favourite day of the week: Wednesday.

– see no equal for themselves and hence think they are entitled to all that is best, nicest and biggest: the front seat in the car, the leg of the turkey, the most attractive person of the opposite sex in their group, the admiration of their circle (and their flattery, of course)… Whatever they don’t like they reject with loathing. They always know everything best and are never to blame for anything. They attract a lot of attention with their striking looks and behaviour. If not subject to adoration, at least they are always subject to gossip. They function only when surrounded by an audience. When on their own, they turn into type 1 or type 2.

NOTE: “Pure” types seldom appear in real life. Within a single day, the same person can feel almost worthless and depressed, but also arrogant. ATTENTION: Complexes can complicate your life considerably, as they simply represent our vulnerabilities and our sensitive spots. It isn’t so important what others think about us. It’s more important what Make sure you don’t cross your problems and complexes with those of we think about ourselves! It’s also important to discern between our own opinions about ourselves and those of others. If you really want to others, as that is where the real assess yourself, then do it properly. Patiently, slowly, concretely, not by confusion starts. Some people need generalising. For example, asking yourself what kind of person you are is “mats” to stand on. Make sure you not appropriate. The real questions should be: How good am I in sports? aren’t abused by anyone, but How fast was as in the match? How good is my ballet coordination? also that you don’t trample Do I have the proper feeling for rhythm? etc. An analysis of this on others. Be kind will show you your strong and your weak points, and what independent and free. you should work on… If you’re not very good at something Be your own! today, that need not be so tomorrow.

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Acne

– The most repulsive and horrible bit of spite from the sebaceous glands. Its victims are innocent, helpless and juvenile. Acne usually appear at the worst possible moment – on the eve of your birthday, before your first date or public appearance… Appears mainly on your face, chest and back.

E: MUM’S ADVICface u yo h uc to Don’t s! with dirty hand ND’S (GIRL) FRIE ca u n’t see COMMENT: Yo all! them at

GRANDPA’S ADVICE: Go and get a haircut, it all comes from greasy hair!

DOCTOR’S ADVICE: Buy appropriate creams in a pharmacy or come in a pharmacy or come to my office! OUR ADVICE: Spend as much time as possible outdoors and refrain from looking at yourself in the mirror for a couple of years!

BEAUTICIAN’S ADVICE: Wash you face with lukewarm water and mild soap once ortwice a day!

(BOY) FRIEND’S ADVICE: She’s got it,too!!

DAD’S ADVICE: It’s time you became a man!!

SISTER’S ADVICE: Put a paper bag on your head!

GRANNY’S ADVICE: Eat more fruit and vegetables!

Don’t worry, I also had acne once, so is there any problem with me now?

Of course not, but when you were fifteen, you went to your doctor and demanded a full skin transplant! The doctor sent you home with the following comment: “I don’t have any in your size at the moment, come back tomorrow!”

Sex –

a word which has always provoked sniggers, sneers, jeers, smiles and guffaws by the young and the old, men and women. Many books have been written about sex, films shot and famous pictures painted. There’s never enough said about it..

But we must make something completely clear. This book is not intended as a guide for making love, but for developing sexuality. This means: selfanalysis, self-respect, making decisions, health and developing one’s own sexuality, but also knowing, understanding and tolerating others. Sexuality is an integral part of personality. All people have sexual feelings, but we all express them differently, each in his or her own way. That is why it is very important to respect the sexuality of others.

Sex is natural and normal. And everything we do in sex with the consent of our partners is OK. If sex does no harm to anyone, it should not be condemned. We are all responsible for our own actions and their consequences

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What is the difference between males and females?

Way of thinking –

not only different between men and women, but also from one person

to another.

Girls usually have the following thoughts:

Boys usually have the following thoughts:

HOW DO I APPROACH HIM? WHERE WILL I GO OUT TONIGHT? WHAT SHOULD I WEAR? WHY – aren’t my breasts bigger? – isn’t my waist slimmer? – don’t I have more money? – don’t I have an older and smarter sister…?

HOW DO I APPROACH HER? WHERE WILL I GO OUT TONIGHT? WHY – isn’t my penis bigger? – isn’t my nose smaller? – isn’t my pocket-money bigger? – don’t I have an older and smarter brother…?

OBSERVATION: When a person of the female sex thinks about a person of the

opposite sex, she usually has romantic thoughts, while a person of the male sex usually has an erotic approach when thinking about the fair sex. And vice versa.

Somebody's height

can depend on the following: genetics and heel size. We differentiate among three categories: a) short, b)medium-sized and c) tall. Regardless of where they belong, kids in puberty are usually dissatisfied with their height. With the passage of time, their frustration may disappear, but it can also grow. Before puberty, girls are usually taller than boys, but a few years later the opposite becomes true.

NOTE: The exception proves the rule!

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EXAMPLE:

LONG LEGGED CHAPS – are tall, skinny, bony and often toothy. Paddle-sized feet ensure good footing. Used for skeleton and anatomy research. Often play basketball and win awards and sympathies of sports fans and persons of the opposite sex.

PRACTICE HAS SHOWN: hat size is no guarantee for matureness and sanity, let alone sexual performance!

Body weight –

is measured in pounds/kilogrammes and animals:

Heavy as an elephant. Heavy as a horse

Skinny as a herring.

Skinny as a mosquito.

Fat as a pig

Light as a wren.

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Body weight is very important in puberty. Among girls, it is even a matter of prestige – the slimmer the better. The others gain their popularity later on in life, often in the kitchen. One of the differences between boys and girls is in their body weight. Boys are heavier. NOTE: Long live the exceptions!

EXEPTION: EXAMPLE: FAT GUYS–love food, tobacco, porno movies and dirty jokes. Favourite hobby: idleness. Would be happy to shed pounds, but not bad habits. Love to poke fun at and comment on others and dispense (unwanted) advice. Talk loudly and laugh even more loudly. Know everything there is to know about sex, although they often don’t have girlfriends.

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FAT GIRLS – constantly dieting. When they are suffering, they eat, after they eat, they suffer. In their imagination they are always with handsome, muscular, famous and rich men, but in reality they are with the others. DEFINTELY NOT RECOMMENDED: Lifting off the floor. RECOMMENDED: Being with others, sharing secrets.

Physical strenght is very important for accomplishing certain objectives – taking someone’s ball, trainers or girlfriend. Usually prevalent among men, but not always. EXEPTION: TOMBOY – Enjoys a beer with the lads after the match. Speaks in a loud voice, swears, spits,

smokes and goes around with a toothpick sticking out of her teeth. Finds it easier to talk about fishing than make-up. Spends all her money on parts for her motor bike. Puts on a dress for the first time at her best mate’s wedding. Does not need a boyfriend, as she opens the door for herself, holds her own chair and her own coat. Detests blondes.

Where is the sex here? The whole thing is being watered down…

On the contrary, it’s getting more and more complicated. Kids’ appearance is very important for their sexuality, especially in this age group. A number of changes happen to the body in puberty as a direct effect of maturing and growing up. All these things also affect the mind, of course. We must therefore not fail to mention the hours and days spent worrying over one’s appearance. I know of many different examples: countless sleepless nights spent worrying over an excessively long second toe, bony knees, a prominent mole, too short eye-lashes, too many freckles, too many or two few curls and so on. The smaller the shortcoming, the bigger the worry and the more difficult it is to solve the problem. That is why this section is so important and should be read carefully.

But how is that connected with sex?

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Quite obviously. The body and sex are very close, especially in puberty. With the passage of time, all the worry over physical appearance wanes and disappears, leaving only sweet memories. Until that happens, don’t let it worry you. Do your lessons, take part in sports, have fun!

Voice – varies not only between girls and boys, but also in a single person in a single second – adolescent males are the owners of two voices – a squeaky boy’s vice and a deeper men’s voice. The alternating squeaking, screeching, droning and humming sends others into paroxysms of laughter. This voice change is perceived by the individual as a double betrayal: by himself and by others.

CONSOLATION: The voice change takes a year or two, but what’s that compared with eternity!

BEFORE

Body hair – (most) men have

much more than women. Except for the tops of their heads, arms, legs, armpits and genital areas, men can grow hair in other areas – their faces, necks, chests and backs. Only the palms of their hands and their soles are hairless.

PHENOMENON: As the years pass, some men have less and less hair on the top of their heads. This process makes them very unhappy, and usually bald.

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AFTER

Facial hair is called moustache and beard, and hair around the genitals pubic hair. Pubic hair in women is triangular in shape and one of the following: small, large, dark, blonde, carroty, dense or sparse… Besides protecting the genitals, pubic hair attracts persons of the opposite sex like a magnet.

pubic hair

EXEPTION No. 1:

EXEPTION No. 2:

HAIRY LADY – a person of the fair sex with excess body hair. Always dark, seldom a blonde. Turns a blind eye to taunts, as she believes the laws of nature have to be respected. Saves a considerable amount of pocket-money by avoiding waxes.

BABY FACE – a male with a shortage of body hair. The more he desires them, the slower they grow. Usually a blond, seldom darkhaired. When taunted, acts disinterested, but it only looks that way.

Robin Hood Maid Marian

CONSOLATION: Robin Hood was also hairless before puberty!

Breast size

– varies widely from person to person – it can be a one, two, three, four, five, Pamela…. depending on the brassiere cup size.

Four fundamental rules about breasts: RULE No. 1: Whatever their size, they won’t suit you! RULE No. 2: Whatever their size,your friends will take jibes at you. RULE No. 3: However you bear yourself,adults will tell you tostraighten your back! RULE No. 4: Full speed ahead! Stand up straight and push out your chest, whatever your bosom size. Breasts are a wonderful ornament on your body (except if you’re male*).

* In which case we won’t even try to convince you that it’s just a transitional stage in your development, because whatever we said you wouldn’t listen. So fight it out on your own – once you’ve passed through all that chaos, you’ll be stronger, more secure and more manly.

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EXAMPLE No. 1:

EXAMPLE No. 2:

TITLESS WONDER – a flat-chested woman, whose only curves are her heels. Never wears dresses with low necklines. If ready to poke fun at herself, attains a great deal of popularity in her circle, especially among men.

PAMELA – Named after the star of Baywatch. If proud of her breasts, wears tight-fitting low-cut tee-shirts, often with logos like KISS ME. If ashamed of her chest, hunches her back and wears her dad’s XXXL shirts and sweaters. If ready to poke fun at herself, attains a great deal of popularity in her circle, especially among men..

NOTE: If your loved one really loves you, he will love your breasts, whatever their size. He will enjoy looking at them and caressing them, and you will enjoy being looked at and caressed. REMARK: The real purpose of breasts is feeding infants, but more about that later!

I would like to caution persons of the male sex not to skip over the next chapter – men and women both need to be informed about menstruation, as it is intimately connected with pregnancy!

But also with sexual relations.

Menstruation

, time of the month, periods – a monthly bleed from the uterus. Usually lasts from three to seven days. Restricted to women, without exception. The first menstruation takes place in puberty, and the last in the menopause*. THEORY: Menstruation takes place as a result of the discharge of an egg-cell from one of the two ovaries (a process called ovulation, taking place mid-way along the menstrual cycle). The egg-cell reaches the uterus (womb) through one of the two Fallopian tubes. If an egg-cell comes in contact with a sperm in the tube and is fertilised, it will remain in the uterus, which means that the woman is pregnant and her periods stop (see page 74).

If that does not happen, the unfertilised egg-cell will be ejected from the uterus, together with its lining, in the form of blood – that is menstruation. It happens monthly, in cycles of between 28 and 32 days. The menstrual cycle is controlled by hormones. Some women suffer from stomach pains, vertigo, mood changes and irritation immediately before and during their periods.

ATTENTION: Menstrual pains, whether they exist or not, can sometimes be a wonderful excuse (for skipping PE, household chores etc.). UNDESIRABLE EFFECT No. 1: If you get your period and lack suitable protection, you may stain your clothes. In that case, best move to another planet for a while until your friends forget the incident. * Puberty is the stage in which a girl becomes a woman, and menopause that in which a woman becomes a “lady in the prime of her life”.

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All jokes aside, this is a very serious subject. Both the onset and duration of menstruation in puberty are usually very irregular. The first might start without any warning – in a cinema, during school, while you’re sleeping. The appearance of blood between a girl’s legs could easily alarm her, especially is she is unprepared. However horrible it might appear, you must try and get yourself together. Panicking will only make it worse. The first thing you can do is go to the nearest lavatory and put a sanitary towel or paper towel into your panties. Then slowly make your way home, have a shower, change and put in a new napkin. You may then inform your family – you’ll see, they’ll be pleased. Your first period is a sign that you body has begun preparing for one of its most important functions – pregnancy. It would be a good idea to keep a record of your cycles and expected dates – in that way you will avoid unpleasant surprises and unplanned moves to another planet… UNDESIRABLE EFFECT No. 2: If you miss your period, you must talk to an advisor, a gynecologist, but first of all to your mother… …or your aunt! Missing your period need not automatically mean pregnancy. At that age diverse hormonal and other problems are possible. Whatever the cause, the best help will come from an expert. ADVICE: Sanitary towels and tampons are used for soaking up menstrual blood. Towels are for external use and tampons for internal use (they should be inserted into the vagina). They are changed every three to four hours. Tampons are made in two sizes, smaller ones for teenagers and bigger ones for older women. Both towels and tampons have their good and bad sides. You will have to decide on your own which ones to choose. Please avoid exertion during your cycles, drink more liquid and take particular care of your personal hygiene. Sexual relations are not prohibited, but aren’t advised, either. And don’t fall for that old story that you can’t get pregnant if you’re having your period. YOU CAN!!!

The Penis

Finally something concrete! I was getting scared we would lose even our most – Comparing male and female avid readers! sexual organs, we can conclude that there is really more to see in a man. Take you, for example. Yours certainly has grown, but not like his! His is longer! But if yours is shorter, it YOURS doesn’t mean it’s less valuable. Longer doesn’t mean better. You should know that! If you don’t, talk to girls and ask them what they think about the length of a man’s penis. You’ll be quite surprised when you hear what ALL OTHERS they say. Women not only don’t care for size, but bigger ones can even intimidate them. Haven’t you heard the saying: “It’s the singer, not the song!!”

INFORMATION: Sexual organs vary in size. Sometimes penises roughly equal in size when limp assume quite different dimensions when erect. The same penis can also be different in size, depending on the particular erection. It is important to understand that the size of a sexual organ in no way determines sexual potency or virility. Whatever you look at from above always looks smaller. RECOMMENDATION: Change the point of view! Try, for example, to look at you penis from the side, in a mirror. We guarantee that your mood will improve considerably. But if your obsession with size is too strong, and you also have time on your hands, take a ruler and get to work.

TABLE Date Exact time of measurement Pre-erection lenght Lenght during erection Post-erection lenght

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Apart from size, males are usually also worried by their penises being bent to the left or the right while erect. If you are not calmed by our assurance that most men have bent willies and that this is no hindrance to sexual relations, talk to a urologist (see page 81). Women’s sexual organs can vary in width, volume, moistness and positioning. An important part of the female sex organ is the clitoris. About the size of a pea, the clitoris is located on the frontal, external and upper part of the vagina, and its purpose is satisfying the sexual instinct. It is full of nerve endings and represents the chief female erogenous zone (see page 66). Women also spend a lot of time looking at their sexual organs and thinking about them, but still far less than men.

IMPORTANT NOTE: The actual appearance of the sexual organ is far less important than its function – the exchange of sexual pleasure.

The scientific name of the male sex organ is penis, but we also call it pecker, willie, todger, sausage… The female sex organ is the vagina, also known as pussy, fanny, beaver… All the other names are easy to find in the everyday language of the people around us, especially in curses, oaths, dirty jokes and quarrels.

The penis is the male sexual organ, which is an exit for urine and sperm. Urine you have known for some time, while as far as sperm is concerned, if you haven’t met it yet, you will soon. Sperm is a fluid ejected during sexual stimulation, or orgasm. Once a penis is vessel stimulated sexually, it becomes upright and hard, and will call this an erection. Below the penis is an appendage penis called a scrotum, which contains the testicles. They produce the sperm. There are two testicles, one usually lower down than the other. They are so sensitive that even the thought or hurting them causes pain.

The vagina is the female sex organ linking the uterus and external exit of the vagina. Its length is seven to ten centimetres. It is very flexible. During sexual intercourse it receives the penis, while menstrual blood passes through it, as do babies in childbirth. Its external opening is flanked by two pairs of lips, or labia. Women have two ovaries containing egg-cells. The ovaries secrete hormones (Estrogen and Progesterone) which are testicles of importance for the development of babies. Babies develop inside a uterus, a muscular organ which is Just as flexible as the vagina.

ovaries

uterus vagina

Whatever is happening to me?

Flirting or courting

– blinking, winking, smiling and sniggering, blushing… During the flirting stage, the fair sex also cross their legs, tip their heads and pick at nonexistent crumbs on their partner’s sweater. Men, on the other hand, thrust out their chests and straighten their backs to show their might and their size. Their movements are exaggerated and they use every possible opportunity to touch their partner’s arm or leg. Experts say the same rituals are used by baboons and gorillas.

Flirting can be a one-time event, the start of a serious relationship or the start of a frivolous relationship. Persons suffering from superiority complexes (see page 25) find it very useful. Persons suffering from jealousy (see page 46) identify flirting with sexual relations and treat it as a major threat. Of course, there are also those who think flirting is a waste of time and energy.

Infatuation

– a state of intoxication, ecstasy, disorientation. An infatuated person can be easily recognised by their partial or total absent-mindedness, depending on whether their infatuation is less or more serious. You talk to them and they just smile foolishly, look right through you and hear nothing of what you’ve said. Infatuated persons don’t do their schoolwork, don’t eat and don’t sleep. Most of the time they daydream and spend time on the phone. Infatuation does not last long – it turns into love (sometimes) or just disappears (most of the time).

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Manifestation of Infatuation A PAGE OUT OF A DIARY

Dear Diary, I am so happy I cannot find words to describe it. I saw him today, and I think he also saw me. You have no idea how cute he is! He was wearing a super jacket and trainers, and leaning on a car. He was spitting and talking to a pal. I was standing on the sidewalk with Tijana. She urged me to go and talk to him, but I didn’t have the courage. Just as I was going to approach him, the old man living on the ground floor yelled at him because he had spat on his window. They quarreled for a while and then went their own ways. I can’t wait to see him again. Next time I’ll certainly talk to him. Yours, Katja

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Manifestation of Non-infatuation A PAGE OUT OF A DIARY

Dear Diary, I didn’t talk to him. What a geek – dressed as he was, who would? He’s also cut his hair and looks awful. However, Mira visited me last night with her classmate. You have no idea how cute he is. He’s pierced his tongue and wears a ring through it. He gave me his telephone number. I think I’ll call him tomorrow. I can’t wait to hear his voice again. Yours, Katja

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Love – an exalted feeling driving one to perform only positive actions and benevolent and charitable deeds, towards his or her loved one as well as towards the whole world. You can feel love for a child, a parent, husband or wife, significant other, neighbour, motherland… Once upon a time, wars were fought, crowns relinquished and great works of art created for love. What about today? Love is a very complex feeling which is very difficult to Many people try to solve the problem define. Some people think love is restricted to romantic of loneliness by entering into sexual emotions. Others identify love with sexual desire and relations, but this is just a stop-gap attraction. Some say sexual relations must never take place solution. Erich Fromm says in my without love, while others say that it is only through sexual favourite book, The Art of Love, that relations that we can discover the true extent of our “Only love can help is overcome our feelings for our partner. These approaches are all feelings of loneliness yet retain our intertwined, yet none can be said to be completely true. personal integrity fully. Only when in Some people decide to make love with each other, without love do two beings become one yet actually being in love. It’s a personal choice. The things which remain each one’s own. Love is being are permissible in sex are all those to which both partners active, not passive…” consent and which don’t contravene one’s personal codes. You shouldn’t do anything which is against your personal standards! If someone tries to convince you that the only way you can prove your love is through sex, you should know that that person is trying to take advantage of you and doesn’t love you.

Love can sometimes be hard to understand even for adults, let alone kids. Just imagine how many love troubles are encountered by someone in puberty! If we ever manage to compile a list of love problems, we’d be more than happy to publish it (if we don’t find anything better to do)…

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Breaking up

– the final phase of some relationships (erotic rather than commercial, parental or neighbourly). Some people see breaking up as a great tragedy, others as a big joke. It usually takes place at the end of an infatuation or the start of a new one. Manifestations of separation are: crying and wailing, yelling, hair-tearing, cuffing and punching and the issue of various threats. Ditched or dumped are the customary phrases. The break-up of a married couple, which we call divorce, usually contains even more intensive manifestations of all of the above. NOTE:

Before separating, you usually have to get together!

Appropriate TEST 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

You can’t stand the sight of him/her . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES You feel like throwing up when near him/her . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES The very thought of kissing him/her brings on a yawn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES You never invite her/him to accompany you at parties . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES You always avoid him/her . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES Any dream of him/her bring on a jinx lasting a whole month . . . . . . . . . YES You use every opportunity to rubbish her/him . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES When he/she talks to you, you ignore him/her . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES You refuse to enter the lift together with him/her . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES You pray her/his family moves as far away as possible . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YES

If you have five or more NOs, YOU’RE JUST ABOUT TO BREAK UP

If you have five YES answers and five NOs, the SEPARATION IS UNDER WAY

. . NO . . NO . . NO . . NO . . NO . . NO . . NO . . NO . . NO . . NO

If you have more than five YES answers, YOU’VE ALREADY BROKEN UP, HE/SHE JUST DOEN’T KNOW IT YET…

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Jealousy is an emotion, like envy and greed. If freedom goes together with love, then coercion goes together with jealousy. Jealous people stubbornly preserve and protect “their property” from all “would-be robbers”. Possessed of an incredible ability to see a threat in everything and everyone, such persons find it extremely easy to make scenes at every possible occasion. EXAMPLE: A JEALOUS MAN – never lets his girl out of his sight. For reasons of security, they seldom go out anywhere, spending most of their time at home. They watch TV, play cards or Yatzy, make love and bicker. Jealous people exhibit their jealousy in two ways: 1) reacting violently and in public, and 2) reacting in private and taking their own sweet time. If a girlfriend wants to leave a jealous man, he sometimes threatens murder or suicide. Hates cuckoos. NOTE: And the same goes for the fair sex.

Jealousy is usually the result of personal insecurity and disappointment with one’s self rather than love, as we might think. Jealousy is to love what rust is to iron.

This is how I rid myself of my jealousy. The first thing I did was stop comparing myself with others. I tried to mind my own business and to be as successful as possible in everything I did. The hardest thing to do is start, but it gets easier as it goes. Jealousy has never plagued me since, and Fido here is also immune to it.

AN EXCELLENT WAY TO PRESERVE PEACE OF MIND AND AVOID BEING JEALOUS

The telephone

plays a very important role in the lives of young people, hence it is no surprise that the first thing persons in puberty say when they come through the front door is: “Any calls for me?” Persons of the fair sex make fewer calls, but they last longer, while males make more calls, albeit shorter ones. THE ADVANTAGES OF CALLING YOUR LOVED ONE BY PHONE:

a) prevents him/her from seeing your clumsiness in courtship, despair after rejection, anger during quarrels, tears while you’re being dumped b) it’s easier to utter the following sentences: – I love you. – Will you go on a date with me? – I want to make love to you. – I’ve had enough of you!

THE DISADVANTAGES OF CALLING YOUR LOVED ONE BY PHONE:

a) no fewer than four of the five senses are neglected: sight, smell, taste, and most importantly, touch. b) the only sexual acts possible over the phone are foreplay and selfgratification (see page 50). Everything else is not possible – for the moment.

For youngsters and adolescents, the purpose of the phone is to push up the phone bill and provoke quarrels with parents over calls lasting hours at a time. Such calls include the following activities aimed at pestering blameless telephone subscribers: calling and then hanging up, playing music to them, insulting them, heavy breathing… and everything else Alexander Graham Bell never dreamed of when he was inventing this form of telecommunication. Lately mobile phones have gained much popularity – most youngsters use them for exhibiting their social status rather than communicating.

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Computer in the service of sex

– it’s very difficult to talk about anything nowadays without mentioning computers. This also goes for sex. Let’s begin with e-mail, the most popular Web service. Traditional love letters, once beautifully hand-written on the finest paper and sprinkled with perfume, have been completely forgotten as relics of a bygone age. Electronic mail makes possible virtually instantaneous transfers of not only text messages, but also photographs, sound and even video recordings to destinations on the other side of the globe.

Besides three-D video head-sets, they say, there will also be sexual organ attachments enabling a realistic erotic experience. We cannot say whether such virtual sex will rival traditional sex, but at least it will be safer – among other things, computer viruses cannot harm your health like real viruses…

We should perhaps mention computer sex conferences with the most diverse subjects: “Sex Under Water,” “The Ten Most Important Things a Lesbian Needs to Know,” “Homosexuals as Fathers,” “69,” “How Animals Do It”… You can take an active part in such conferences or just listen in. Futurists have signaled that virtual sex could be an every-day event in the near future.

As we have heard, you can strike up new friendships with the help of the Internet. In most cases an exchange of messages will be as far as it goes. But sometimes people actually meet each in person and even form emotional relationships. I need to say something on this subject. My dear children, I know how difficult it is to rein in your hormones at that age, but I think you will agree with me when I say that some caution is warranted. Be careful when you strike up acquaintances with computer pals – I am talking about letting them know your name, address, telephone number, school location… If you do meet, let this happen in a public place, say a café, and you should be accompanied by some friends. If you should receive any indecent offers and suggestions via e-mail, you should inform an adult, preferably your parents.

I want to talk about the sex-related sites in which the Internet abounds. If I advise you not to look at them, because you are under age and because of their dubious aesthetic and moral quality, all that will happen is that you’ll spend even more time on them. Even if you haven’t heard of them yet, I’m sure you’ll be at them like a shot. Let’s try it this way. I am certain that you know what is good for you and what isn’t. If you think you absolutely need pornography (see page 91) and cannot live without a computer, stay on the Net until your subscription expires. But before you log on, consider very carefully whether you really want to “meet” various degenerates and perverts and whether you want to assume personal responsibility for the fact that instead of spending time with your friends, you are doing so with various cybergirls.

Fantazing inpersons theof both service of sex – its purpose is to inflame the sexual potential of sexes. Usually practices in bed, in the bath, during classes, in the bus, on the beach… Usually begins by imagining naked bodies, but sometimes also romantic scenes. WARNING: A fertile literary imagination does not necessarily imply imaginative sex. Conversely, sexual prowess does not mean automatic As on your English tests.

ATTENTION: Take very good care to whom you describe your fantasies lest you come to eat your words at a later date!

Get up and let an old lady have your seat, you daydreaming dunce!

ADVICE: In your imagination you can do anything you like with anybody – so go ahead and enjoy yourself!

ADDITIONAL LITERATURE: The Decameron, The Kama Sutra, 1,001 Nights, Fear of Flying (Erica Jong), Myra Breckenridge (Gore Vidal), Lolita (Vladimir Nabokov), Erections, Ejaculations, Exhibitions… by Charles Bukowski…

WARNING: Fantasizing can often lead to disappointment (see the preceding image) or to self-gratification (see the next section).

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Self-gratification, masturbation, self-abuse – the achievement of sexual pleasure without the direct participation of a second (third, fourth…) person. As the word itself says, self-gratification means satisfying one’s own desires – doing it to yourself. Once called onanism, derived from Onan, son of Judah, who when having sexual relations with his brother’s wife spilled his sperm on the ground in order to avoid getting her pregnant. Polls conducted among men, both young and old, show that males are much more prone to selfgratification than women. The reason is simple: the male sex organ is much more accessible. Boys get using to touching theirs when urinating when they are very young. Men also get excited much more easily than women. Most girls begin to masturbate only in late adolescence, while boys do so much, much earlier. During self-gratification, thoughts focus on scenes firing up the sexual imagination. Boys usually use visual objects for stimulation, while girls prefer verbal fantasies. Men reach orgasm much faster, while women need more time to go through the entire tale, with its significant conclusion at the very end.

NOTE: Some women reach orgasm more easily through self gratification than sexual relations.

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I suggest you play with the water while you’re showering!

Many living things masturbate: your peers, older and younger people, even animals. But they all keep mum about it (especially the latter). Apart from being an activity usually practiced behind closed doors, it is also frowned upon.

You’ll go blind! You’ll go crazy! You’ll die! It’ll fall off!

It will wither away!

FROM THE GUTTER PRESS: Reports have come in of a young man with numerous deformities who lives in a mountain village and has no girlfriend. The palm of his right hand was completely black, he had grown a second nose and another ear. The situation returned to normal only after he had found himself a girl and stopped his abusing himself. We just wonder how a man of his looks ever managed to find himself a woman and what she must have looked like!!

You’ll grow hair on your palms and everybody will know what you’ve been doing!

You’ll waste away all your sperm and won’t have any left when you really need it!

You mustn’t ever fall for stories like this one! Masturbation is a completely natural and normal function which cannot cause any organic changes on or in your body. Is that clear?!

SELF-GRATIFICATION IS RECOMMENDED:

To people who are without a partner: Better a cock in your hand than a hen on a branch! IT IS ESPECIALLY RECOMMENDED:

To very young and very virile persons who are physically ready for sex, but not mentally. IT IS NOT RECOMMENDED:

To elderly persons, coronary patients and people with casts on their arms.

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Nocturnal emissions, or wet dreams– happen to males while they’re asleep, in

puberty and also later, just like in a fairy tale.

A Boy and his Sperm

here once was a young boy who tried to expel his sperm. Try as he might, he couldn’t do it. He summoned his dreams to help him. Try as they might, the two of them couldn’t do it. The dreams summoned erection to help them. Try as the three of them might, they couldn’t do it. The erection then summoned orgasm to help them. Working together, they finally managed to eject the sperm.

T

THE ADVANTAGES OF A FAIRY TALE:

While it lasts, everything is mystical and wonderful. THE DISADVANTAGES OF A FAIRY TALE: Once it’s over, you feet are cold, your bed is wet and your pyjamas are all sticky…

Hanging out with other people

is a very important factor of sex. When you go on dates, you meet other people, hang out together, get closer to others, fall in love, kiss and hold hands, yawn, quarrel and make up, cheat on each other, and sometimes even talk! Dates are classified according to: ORDER: a) the first b) the last c) the first, the last and never again ATTENDANCE: a) solo b) twosomes (intimate) c) groups (herds) INTERESTINGNESS: a) boring b) extremely boring c) interesting d) a blast

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Your first date will always be the most memorable. You live it through over and over again, talk about it many a time, and never forget it. People FREQUENTLY go out to: cafes, pizza parlors, concerts, parties, cinemas. They go out EVEN MORE OFTEN to: parks, street corners, schoolyards, gateways and passages. UNUSUAL places for a date: museums, the ballet, opera, classical music recitals. DEFINITELY NOT RECOMMENDED FOR DATES ARE: underwater caves, cemeteries, nuclear power stations and the sites of major blazes. People who are in puberty should go accompanied by friends. Such outings are more entertaining, less of a burden or a hassle, and also safer. Before you go out, tell someone in your family about it. Tell them where you’re going and with whom, and when you expect to be back. Try to avoid suspicious parties, people you’re not comfortable with and dark and lonely places. Go out and meet people whenever you have time to spare. When will you do it if not now? “I’ve nothing to wear,” “I haven’t washed my hair,” “I haven’t got any money,” “I got my period,” “I don’t want to miss Eastenders,” “I have loads to e-mails to answer” are nothing but excuses for laziness, shyness or fear. The more you go out, the more people you’ll meet and the better your chance to find someone with whom you might spend the rest of your life. Don’t wince if your younger brother or sister asks you out. Lighten up and – can be aimed at one’s accept the invitation. The worst thing to do is to cheek, lips, nose, forehead, hair, stay at home. hand, chest, belly, your Thing, backside,

Kisses

leg… In order not to distract our readers, we won’t mention that there are: good-night kisses, good-morning kisses, have-a-nice-trip kisses, welcome and happy birthday kisses, Happy New Year and happy anniversary kisses, good-bye and farewell kisses. For the same reason, we shan’t mention that kisses are usually directed at Mother, Father, Gran, Grandpa, Auntie, Uncle, Brother, Sis, girl and boy friends, (pretty) neighbours and school-teachers… We stress here that we are only interested in kissing our loved ones, all in the service of sex. Let’s begin:

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The roots of our interest in kissing can be found in the pre-puberty stages: For example:

From my autograph book:

I love you!

I think you’re wonderful.

Do you really love me?

Apart from their rather silly verses about kissing, one more stupidity is characteristic of people not yet in puberty – instead of kissing those they like, they beat them – usually on the head! In contrast to the aforementioned population, adolescent people have a much more constructive attitude towards kissing, more experience and hence also more mature and coherent answers. For example:

From my autograph book: Question: Have you ever kissed anyone like they do in the movies, tongue and all? Responses: 1. Lots of times! 6. I stopped counting after the hundredth time! 7. Not yet, but I can’t wait! 10. Why do you ask when you know? 12. Not on your life, I don’t want to catch mono! 13. / 15. None of your business. 20. Go and ask Jenny from 4C. 21. Yes.

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Question: What do you feel when French-kissing? Responses: 1. A prickling sensation on my tongue. 6. A hard-on. 7. Regrettably, I still don’t know. 9. You can describe it better than I can. 12. Nothing!!! 13. / 15. I cannot describe it. 20. I get hot. 21. If you only knew! ADVICE: In order for you and your loved one to enjoy kissing each other, you should maintain oral hygiene. This means washing your teeth regularly, visiting the dentist and using mouth-wash. We shouldn’t even mention alcohol and cigarettes. Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray!

Caressing and making out

– together with kissing represents foreplay (see next chapter). While kissing is done with the lips and tongue, caressing is done with the hands and fingers. Some people prefer kissing, some touching and stroking, yet others like a combination of the two. In all three cases, we recommend that you proceed slowly, step by step.

Step No 1 HAND – HAND

or

Step No 1 HAND – KNEE

Step No 2 HAND – SHOULDER

Step No 2 HAND – THIGH

Step No 3 HAND – BREAST

Step No 3 HAND – “THING”

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NOTE: The more relaxed the partners, the better the ultimate result. By ultimate result, we don’t mean just sexual intercourse and orgasm, but also mutual closeness, tenderness and joy. A carnal game involving touching, caressing, kissing and embracing is also a spiritual game. Enjoy the wonder of your body and freedom of your soul and you’ll know exactly when and what you should or shouldn’t do. Sometimes making out requires a special atmosphere, a partly or even better completely dark room, soft music and a partner, of course. But sometimes just the last item is sufficient.

WARNING: Areas most frequently touched: The breasts and genitals of your girlfriend Areas never touched: The breasts and genitals of someone else’s girlfriend.

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DON’T FORGET: Caressing makes sense only when both sides enjoy it. If that is not the case, talk to each other and try to find out what is blocking your pleasure.

Now let us turn another leaf, actually another chapter – Sex!

Finally!

Part III

Sex

Why is Sex So Attractive?

Petting

– at the same time is and isn’t sex. Includes everything we have already talked about (kissing, caressing, touching, masturbation…) but does not include what we are yet to mention (sexual intercourse, pregnancy…). Sex before marriage was very much frowned upon in the past. This forced couples to let off their sexual tension by joining forces, by mutual self-gratification, or external intercourse. In today’s world, most young people have no fear of premarital sex and even consider it beneficial, but luckily do have a fear of AIDS. The amorous practices of our grandparents are thus coming back into vogue, but with another name.

SEX PETTING

! IT! WA

Petting has many good sides. Among other things, it allows inexperienced young people who are virgins to be intimate with their partners yet not commence full sexual relations until they feel they are ready for them. It virtually eliminates all risk of pregnancy and sexually – transmitted diseases. It can be very stimulating and inspiring, if both partners are willing to experiment.

Before you embark on petting, ask yourselves the following questions: – What are my expectations? – Where are the boundaries? – What after?

Petting has just one hortcoming – it isn’t intercourse!

Foreplay is the introduction to sexual relations. Like any sport, it has its rules. NUMBER OF PLAYERS: two RULE: Can begin several hours before the actual game. We recommend a dinner for two, a romantic walk or a tender phone conversation. Mutual support, endearment and smiling are desirable. Soft touching and caressing, passionate embraces and hot kisses make the players more relaxed, and the game more exciting. Whispering and teasing contribute to raising sexual tension. NOTE: Any mention of school and homework is has a counter – productive effect.

NOTE: Foreplay allows everything that the players consent to mutually. SCORING: Taking off your clothes doubles your score, and triples it if you take off your shoes. DURATION OF PLAY: Unlimited. Determined by the players. Foreplay is sometimes so short one asks oneself if it happened at all; on other occasions one wonders if sex will ever happen. The duration is generally determined by the male half. The more excited he is, the shorter the game, and vice versa. The female player usually needs more time to relax hence get aroused. But the more aroused the fair sex, the more involved they are. ADVICE: Coordinate the play during the game – the better the unity in the team, the more certain is a win. TARGET: Sexual intercourse. WARNING: When one player says NO, play is suspended at once. In the event of insults, denigration, angry looks, threats or physical violence, the game ends and a drama begins. OBSERVATION: If you’ve skipped over Chapter One and begun reading this book from here, you don’t seem to be an aficionado of foreplay. You’re only interested in concrete matters.

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Sexual intercourse, making love, humping, screwing, banging, bonking are the main reason why you bought this book. You don’t need to blush, everything’s OK! We understand you and we support you. Full speed ahead! Just think how we felt while we were writing and drawing! So what exactly is sexual intercourse? TRADITIONAL SEXUAL INTERCOURSE begins the moment the moment the male sex organ penetrates the female sex organ. For that to happen, the male sex organ must become harder and bigger than usual (see page 102). The sexual organs are in contact with each other, body movements pick up pace, which increases sexual tension, until the moment of orgasm (see page 67). Sexual intercourse is over after the moment of orgasm. If and when the entire cycle will be repeated depends on external factors, internal needs and the sexual capacities of the partners.

NOTE: Some males, but also a small number of women, don’t know that the female urethra (the tube through which urine is excreted) is quite separate from the vagina (the recipient of the male sexual organ during intercourse). Besides, the male sex organ is much wider than the urethra and it is not possible to make a mistake. Here are some examples: EXAMPLE No. 1: What a woman! When I turn off the light, she’s a killer!

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EXAMPLE No. 2: Everyone else had gone long ago, and we lay alone on the sand. First we talked for a long time, and then began to caress each other. He was gentle and caring. As he kissed me, I felt my whole body trembling with electricity. The sounds of soft music were flowing down the beach from the nearby hotel. I wanted to make love more than anything else in the world. I told him, and he whispered in my ear that he loved me and wanted me like no one ever before. Our bodies melted into one. It was wonderful. Waves lapped our feet and the stars sent kisses from above as we made love. The next morning he went with me to the station. He gave me his address and I gave him my necklace. I don’t know how I’ll stand the waiting for next summer to come!

EXAMPLE No. 3: His arm was sliding down her sweaty body. He was just touching her ample bosom when she whispered: – Darling, you’re my first! He trembled with excitement. His penis soared high. He looked at her as if to say: – Are you ready? Her smile was the reply: – Yes, dear! He placed his sex between her hot thighs. Glowing embers flowed through their bodies. They were one for the millionth time. After living together for 19 years, they still played their secret game – Darling, you’re my first! – and they were happy.

EXAMPLE No. 4: The night was warm and quiet. The only sound was an owl hooting from time to time. She stood on her balcony with her hair down and in her bare feet. She waited for him atremble and more beautiful than ever before. When the clock struck midnight, he appeared in the garden. He walked around the rose-bed and scaled the ivy. She threw herself into his arms. Their lips met, and she forgot the wedding that was take her into the arms of another man the next day. He ripped off her nightdress with a single move, the moon shining on her milky skin and lithe body. He lifted her and carried her to the bed. He cast off his clothes and lay beside her. Her skin was soft and tender. He caressed her budding breasts as her hand slid towards his belly. They made love for the last time. As they were at the height of their pleasure, she cried out, heart-broken: – My darling, if only you were a cook, and not the groom!

IN PREPARATION: Sex on Roller Skates (with foreplay via mobile phone)

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Sexual relations usually take place for the following reasons: a) curiosity b) boredom c) coercion d) loneliness e) revenge f) fun g) gain, and above everything else: h) love.

We differentiate between two types of sexual relations: the film kind and the common kind. The film kind can only been seen in films. Its main characteristic is that it features a handsome male lead and a gorgeous female companion. Apart from the protagonists themselves, viewers are fascinated by their poses, speed, dexterity, dialogues before, during and after sex and the usually earthshaking orgasmic experience. Common sexual relations are defined as all those that aren’t of the cinematic kind. They may be less attractive, but they are genuine.

Sexual relations can take place between: – persons of different sexes – heterosexual relations, and – persons of the same sex – homosexual relations (see pages 72 and 73). I’d like to add a few words. Sex can lead to impregnation, or pregnancy. Impregnation is the process in which the sperm links up with the egg cell. During every sex act, a huge number of spermatozoa enter the uterus, but Why don’t you give only one manages to penetrate the us a practical egg cell waiting for it in a Fallopian example, you’re tube. We call this impregnation. That is stifling us with when the development of a child begins… and God forbid if you are theory! under-age (see page 82).

All right. A spermatozoon is capable of impregnating an egg-cell in a period of 48 after leaving the man’s body. An egg-cell can remain fertile for three or four days at most. If no fertile egg-cell exists, the sperm all die. After a bit of time, they are simply expelled from the woman’s body, and the unimpregnated egg-cell does the same, during menstruation. If a couple does not want pregnancy to take place, they need to apply one or more means of contraception (see page 78).

If you consider this practice, I wonder what you define as theory?!

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Say YES, Say knowing NO – many people, especially young people, begin sexual relations without exactly why they are doing so. Some cannot express in words what they feel for their partner, others long for some tenderness, yet others fear they might be dumped of they refuse to go to bed with someone… Some (but not very many) actually yearn for sex, yet always say NO. At first sight, agreeing to have sex is a matter of the body. But it is a much more complex problem. It involves a mental, emotional, social and ethical decision all in one. That is why you need to be precise. It isn’t all the same if you say YES and mean NO, and vice versa. It confuses both yourself and your partner, and it also confuses the writers of this book.

My dear girls, learn to say NO whenever you mean NO. NO is particularly important on a first date. However bright the moonlight and however irresistible he might be, I don’t advise you to have sex before you really get to know each other.

However important NO is for the fair sex, it is just important for men. Only after you have learned to say NO will your YES acquire true strength and meaning.

NO! NO!

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Why is sex mysterious?

Erogenous zones – body parts with numerous nerve endings. You can recognise erogenous zones by the fact that caressing them induces especial pleasure. The usual erogenous zones are: the mouth, breasts (particularly nipples), the nape of your neck, the inner and upper thighs, and of course the genitals. Lesser known erogenous zones are: …you really want to have everything served on a platter! A little work on your own wouldn’t be amiss! Mutual exploration is even more useful and interesting. In this way the partners can find each others’ erogenous zones easily and strengthen their link. Erogenous zones change with the passage of time and change of partner. What gave exceptional pleasure during sex with one partner may not be so to a new one. But a new partner can also reveal new pleasures.

NOTE: It isn’t important just what you touch, but also how. Some people like gentleness and subtlety, while others prefer strength and firmness. Everything is OK, as long as it is acceptable to both partners.

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His Highness the Orgasm – the most exciting yet shortest phase of sex. The crown of sexual relations. Its imperial appearance is attended by a number of different changes: an indescribable feeling of warmth, heavy breathing, an accelerated heartbeat, muscle spasms, contraction of the uterus, ejaculation of sperm, sometimes loud noises, sighing and moaning, creaking of the bed, awakening family members and neighbours etc. What makes the orgasm different from everything else is the feeling of total satisfaction, not just in the genital area, but the entire body. It is followed by a feeling of relief and relaxation. Besides giving satisfaction, the orgasm is also responsible for procreation (see page 76). If it didn’t exist, we wouldn’t be here. It is the male orgasm that is of decisive importance – a woman can get pregnant even without feeling the slightest tinge of pleasure.

Orgasms can be of the film kind and the common kind (just like sex). Simultaneous orgasm is mainly confined to the cinema. Faked orgasms exist in real life just like they exist in films, while problems with erection appear only in real life.

A woman’s orgasm takes many more and different forms than the male orgasm, and is therefore the subject of much more study by scientists (and others). In the past, women were expected only to bear children. Sexual pleasure wasn’t just undesirable, it was held to be disgraceful, or even a sin. These views existed mainly in Western civilisation. Some other cultures treated the woman as the most wonderful thing in the world and sex as a gift and the joy of living. Women’s position in society has changed enormously, and taking pleasure in sex has become a right for women fully equal to that enjoyed by men.

ADVICE: Relax, play with each other, prepare contraception, make love, and, most importantly of all, turn off your brain completely. The brain’s role was completed in the “do I want to have sex” phase. Philosophising, dispensing advice and wit during sex isn’t at all conducive to orgasm and is enjoyed even less by your partner. Should orgasm not take place, for any reason whatsoever – so what, it’s neither the first nor the last time that happened!

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Virginity – today once a great virtue for girls, but a major pain. Although mothers are still busily injecting panic into their daughters’ hearts about their first sexual relations. Many girls await the penetration of their hymen* with great trepidation. * The hymen, or maidenhead, is tissue covering the entrance to the vagina. When the male sexual organ enters the vagina during the girl’s first sexual experience, it penetrates the hymen, causing a temporary pain and bleeding. The pain isn’t strong, and the problem of the blood can be solved by placing a towel under you. Sometimes girls can even split their hymen before their first sexual experience. There are even girls who have no hymen, while those of others may be so flexible that there is no bleeding during penetration. “The first time” is always the most important – it causes excitement, trepidation but also a great feeling of joy. Every “first” – date, kiss, going on holidays without your parents – is remembered for all time. A second and a third are never as exciting, and is thus easier to forget or confuse with a fourth or fifth. The same goes for sex. First loves are never forgotten… Full enjoyment of sex requires love, adulthood, spontaneity, experience, an empty flat, a candle-lit dinner for two, drinks, a fire in the fireplace (not in summertime!) soft music, a comfortable bed, a bathroom at hand, and, most importantly of all – a loved one. This means that you need everything that you don’t have and will not have in the very near future. So what then do you want?

VIRGIN: Everyone except me has already done it!

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What’s the rush?

VIRGIN: I don’t want to miss The Simpsons!

Please don’t rush into things, my dears. Sex requires matureness and a level head. Your FIRST TIME must take place only when you are completely ready, both physically and mentally, when you have a condom at hand and other contraceptives near by. In spite of all urgings and warnings for or against, your motto should be “Whenever it happens, it will be welcome”. SAVET: Ukoliko si pred prvi seksualni odnos napet/a i nervozan/na reci to svom voljenom bi}u. Iako deluje pribrano, nije isklju~eno da se tvoje voljeno bi}e ose}a isto kao i ti, a mo`da i gore. Sve {to si sigurniji/a u sebe i svog partnera, ima}e{ manje straha, a {to je manje straha, to je vi{e u`ivanja. Oslu{nimo na trenutak kakve sve strahove izaziva prvi seksualni odnos.

I AM AFRAID OF: • pain • pregnancy • farting accidentally • my mother coming into the room • of making a fool of myself • not knowing what to do • not feeling anything at all • not being able to get a hard-on • what will happen after • subsequent rumours • him/her using me •… Have you found any of you fears in the list above? Is it easier now that you know others also have various fears? Is it perhaps even more difficult for you now that we have given you ideas for fresh fears? ABSOLUTE RUBISHH: The (mythical) belief that you cannot get pregnant during your first sexual experience!!! YOU CAN! PRACTICE HAS SHOWN: The “first time is sometimes drawn out into three or four episodes – when the time for sex comes, the partners postpone it for some other “first time”. This usually happens to persons of a similar age, who are too caring, patient and oversensitive with each other.

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A WARNING FOR THE FAIR SEX: Don’t expect too much from your first sexual experience, because you aren’t very likely to get much, especially if it is also the first time for your partner. Your attention is spread among many sides, you are passing through new experiences, your feelings are too string… yet you wouldn’t mind if you had an orgasm. But miracles do take place sometimes – you could be one of the lucky few. You never know.

A WARNING FOR THE MALE SEX: Don’t expect too much from your first sexual experience, because you aren’t very likely to get much, especially if it is also the first time for your partner. Expect problems with your erection, clumsy insertion into her vagina, premature ejaculation… but don’t expect fiery sex and an earthshaking orgasm. The best route to it is true love for your loved one.

Losing your virginity is called losing your cherry.

Positions

– the various positions in which you can make love. We shall list here the best and least known: The best known positions:

1) he on top

5) from behind

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2) she on top

6) standing up

3) sitting down

7) he wants,

4) doggie style

she won’t

The least known positions:

1) he standing on her head

2) she standing on his head

4) he standing –

3) she hanging – he hanging 7) she wants

5) she standing – he hanging

she hanging he won’t

6) she standing – he’s fallen a sleep

NOTE: If you haven’t understood sexual positions as acrobatic or athletic skills, you’re on the right road. In that case you’ll certainly not take oral sex to mean talk about sex.

Oral sex

– stimulating the genitals with your tongue and mouth. Can be one-sided or mutual. Some love oral sex, some detest it. Some are scandalised, some astounded, and some indifferent. What is your opinion? We believe that there are neither right or wrong things in sex. Whatever you consent to mutually, whatever you both like and enjoy – that is the right thing. There are only two rules in sex: 1) there are no rules, and 2) there may not be any coercion. ADVICE: If your loved one does not want to fulfil some desire of yours, leave him/her alone. He/she’ll either do it some other day or never – but it’s his/her decision!

This picture is here purely by accident and has nothing to do with the text!

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Anal sex – we’ll talk about it once you’ve improved your grades! Better to stick to the traditional entrances and exits! Well, all right! I see you’re putting in a lot of effort and are plagued by curiosity, so I do need to say a few words. The anus, or rectum, contains numerous nerve endings. Stimulating it could cause pleasant feelings both for men and women. This type of sex requires a condom because of the large number of germs inside the anus and the possibility of contracting the HIV virus. But anal sex can also be very painful and cause bleeding. Enough for now and back to your books! “You’ll learn when you grow up!”

Homosexuals

– men who have sexual relations with other men. In many Western countries, homosexuals live quite openly and even marry one another. There is talk about allowing homosexuals being allowed to adopt children. Some people view this with understanding and approval, some with less understanding, yet others with abhorrence. Whatever anyone might think, there always have been and there always will be homosexuals. The exact reason why some men are homosexual remains unknown. In spite of extensive scientific research, no one can say with certainty why some men prefer their male to their female friends. It’s just the way it is. If their environment lambastes and chastises them, they don’t change, they just go underground. Like to be called gays, rather than fags. Boys in puberty often like to show each other their sexual organs, compare and measure them, and even masturbate together. This need not be a sign of homosexuality, but of natural curiosity, testing, exploration and competition.

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Lesbians

– women who fall in love with other women, have relationships with them, live together and have sexual relations. The same things that go for homosexuals (see previous page) also go for lesbians (also called female homosexuals). Girls in puberty are usually very tender and caring for one another. They often hold hands when they walk and spend a lot of time together. This also need not have anything to do with lesbianism, but rather friendship, confidence, closeness and allegiance. Many people are bisexual. This means they can enjoy sex both with their own sex and the opposite sex. But the majority of all people do pick someone of the opposite sex. This is biologically the most favourable solution, as it ensures procreation. If you have had sexual relations with a person of your own sex, this does not mean you are a homosexual or a lesbian. You might view it as a test of sorts, training or preparation for future heterosexual relations.

Pleasure

Why is sex beneficial?

– sex liberates your tension and produces great satisfaction. An adult person with a healthy sex life is very different from one without a healthy sex life (see pictures). A person with a healthy sex life

A person without a healthy sex life

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If you want to experience full satisfaction in sex, you need to know exactly what you want of yourself and your partner. This is not a simple thing, of course, but one step at a time, “no one was born smart”. I suggest that before you begin sexual relations with someone, you answer these questions. You won’t believe it, but even that will give you satisfaction! By assuming responsibility for their actions, people become stronger, more secure and happier.

– Am I ready? – Who is the person with whom I want to have sexual relations? – Why and for what reasons do I want to do it? – Where will we make love? – Am I in love? – What am I expecting? – What are the consequences? – Which contraceptives will I use to protect myself?

Pregnancy – during takes place if a woman has had sex her fertile days * without using a contraceptive. * For most women, they are the 14th, 15th and 16th days after the beginning of their periods. This count is not valid for women with irregular monthly cycles. Pregnancy begins at the moment of conception (see page 61) and ends with childbirth. Curious, and one might say also inconsiderate, physicians peeked into women’s bodies and discovered that the fertilised egg-cell divides into two, four, eight cells and so on until it reaches a raspberry-sized complex from which a human being then slowly and gradually develops in a period of nine months. That is how pregnancy is seen by doctors, and this is how we see it:

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In the first few months of pregnancy, the baby may be small, but it definitely isn’t stupid, as some think. It knows exactly what is and what isn’t good for it.

For the entire duration of the pregnancy, the baby busily prepares to face the outer world.

In the eighth month of pregnancy, the baby is already waiting for its stork or cabbage leaf to take it out into the world.

Finally, month nine, and the long-awaited event: CHILDBIRTH!

What Mum feels like before she gives birth Mum only knows — What she feels like after giving birth, heaven only knows!

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Procreation is the biggest and most important benefit arising form sex. BECAUSE: If our ancestors had not made love, we wouldn’t be here today. CONCLUSION: We mustn’t stop making love, so that our descendants can continue being born and multiplying.. Here are a few slogans:

MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR! PLEASE MR. STORK, BRING ME A BROTHER!

BETTER SEX THAN WAR!

THE WHITE PLAGUE IS THE BIGGEST SHAME!

IF YOUR PARENTS DIDN’T HAVE CHILDREN, YOU WON’T HAVE THEM, EITHER!

I WANT TO BE BORN, BUT MUM WON’T LET ME!

LONG LIVE ALL MOTHERS AND FATHERS! CHILDREN ARE NOT THE FRUIT OF LOVE, BUT THE FRUIT OF SEX!

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The best thing that could happen to a child would be for both parents to care about it equally. But in the world we live in, the family has been neglected, in the true sense of the word. If it exists at all, it survives for a relatively short time. In an effort to explain as well as possible the importance of the family both for individuals and for society, we located a prominent expert in family matters (my Gran). This is what she told us (or as long as we cared to listen…):

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The family

is sacred. In my day and age, the proper order was maintained: a lad and a lass got married, and then got to know each other. Children came at the very end. Nowadays, the order is reversed – first the child, then they live together, and the wedding is last, if it happens at all. I never had it easy in life, but at least I always tried to preserve my family. The young people of today – the minute they disagree on something comes the divorce. They divide their property, friends, relatives, children. New linkages are made fast, women marry a second (third, fourth) time and there are new children. In some places it works, in some it doesn’t. Depends on the people involved and their temperaments. The adultsdo manage to create new lives for themselves eventually, but it is the children who suffer. Be wise and...

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: If you want to hear more, ask your own Gran.

What else do I need to learn?

Hygiene means washing you face, bathing or showering, combing you hair, getting haircuts, manicures (hand and fingernail care), pedicures (foot and toenail care), excess hair removal (women’s wax treatments), shaving, cleaning your teeth, washing, ironing and cycling your attire regularly, cleaning your shoes, airing out your room and changing your bedlinen, keeping your room and also the rest of your home tidy — and only then make-up, hairdressing and applying perfume.

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Some people are reluctant to have sex with others because they think their partners’ cleanliness is suspect. I am happy to suggest taking a bath together. Water is excellent for foreplay, and also for genital hygiene. Some people are reluctant to have sex because of a fear of unwanted pregnancy or of contracting a sexually-transmitted disease. I am more than happy to suggest that you read the next chapter. Reading it together could be very interesting, and also very useful.

Contraceptives prevent unwanted conception during sex. They are of tremendous importance for all those loath to rock a baby. But if you think your life would be better with a host of problems, high stress levels, fears, traumas, hysterical outbursts and similar, then go ahead and make love without protection, wherever and whom ever you want. Wait a while and your life will begin going downhill. But if you do change your mind some day, talk to a youth counselor, a gynecologist (see page 81) or an experienced person you trust.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Never use the “safe days” as a method of contraception. Counting and calculating your fertile days never did anyone of your age any good. Remember, “safe days” do not exist!

FATHER

Contraceptive

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Condom, or prophylactic – the best known, most widespread and most INCORRECT accessible contraceptive. So well USE known and abundant that even little CORRECT USE children own some, although they use it for a completely different purpose – throwing water balloons at passers-by. Of course, what interests us here is its primary function. A condom is soft rubber sheath placed on the penis to prevent sperm from entering into the vagina. Can be bought in pharmacies, newsstalls and supermarkets. Once it was purchased with a red face and while looking over your shoulder, while nowadays it is produced in various colours, shapes, smells and sizes, and is bought quite openly. Besides preventing pregnancy, it is also excellent protection from sexually – transmitted diseases and the HIV virus. WARNING: A condom is not always easy to put on, but is always difficult to remove. You must be very careful not to allow sperm to leak and enter the vagina – that could ruin all the trouble you’d gone to. Condoms past their sell-by date are also unsafe. They should not be kept in warm places (pockets, wallets…), as they will no longer be reliable. Condoms bought in pharmacies are generally safer than those bought at newsstands. It follows from all the above that condoms are reliable contraceptives, but not enough in themselves – caution is always advised!

Oral contraceptives – excellent contraceptives, provided the pills are taken properly

– at the same time ever day (except for a one-week break). RECOMMENDATION: Contraceptive pills are definitely not recommended for forgetful and senile persons! All others may use them with an easy mind and have sex with no fear of unwanted pregnancy. You need a prescription for them from your gynecologist.

Spirals – contraceptives made of soft plastic materials. Inserted into the uterus and can stay

there for several years. More suitable for older women than for younger ones. May not be inserted by a woman’s partner, but only by a doctor, during menstruation, when the cervix is the softest and the insertion painless. Spirals are very reliable contraceptives.

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Chaps, during sex your penis cannot get entangled in a spiral. Don’t worry, you’ll never even feel it.

Ladies, from time to time you need to visit your gynecologist, who will check whetherthe spiral’s all right, whether it might have fallen out – it doesn’t happen often, but it is possible.

Foams, creams, jelliesvagina andtenAB cream – can be obtained without a prescription. Inserted into the minutes before every sexual intercourse, which can be an interesting part of foreplay for the couple. Not fully reliable and should be used in parallel with another contraceptive method.

IT ISN’T TRUE that unwanted sperm can be removed with a shower or thorough wash immediately after sex. Pregnancy cannot be avoided in this way! IT ISN’T TRUE that the (in)famous coitus interruptus represents protection from pregnancy. Most men ejaculate before they withdraw their penises. Quite often an orgasms will surprise a man, so that he is unable to keep his firm promise. IT ISN’T TRUE that having sex standing up will prevent pregnancy. The story that sperm cannot swim uphill is as true as the myth that they always run downhill.

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The gynecologist – a medical expert, a man or a woman with a Ph.D. in medical science and specialist training. This role may on no account be assuemd by your best friend, who read somewhere that you should… A gynecologist performs gynecological examinations and renders expert opinions, determines necessary therapy, advises, helps maintain pregnancies, helps in childbirth… This all points to a very friendly and confidential relationship between a woman and her gynecologist. At least that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Many women are terrified of their gynecologists and avoid visiting them for years, even decades.

ADVICE: Have a bath, get dressed and go and see your doctor.

Urologist – a medical specialist who handles the diseases of the male genitourinary tract. In spite of all their work, urologists are never as popular as gynecologists. You’ll admit you seldom hear anyone being in terror of visiting a urologist. Does this mean that men are generally more courageous?

Psychologist – also holds an important post in this section. Many sexual problems and psychological rather than physical in character. Sometimes a single discussion with a psychologist is enough to turn an adolescent’s life 180 degrees (for the better, of course!). So if something troubles you go and see a psychologist – an hour spent talking to a psychologist is worth more than days and weeks spent with various Agony Aunts.

Does this Of course not. refer to you, my dear?

What are the darker sides of sex?

Abortion – termination of a pregnancy. In contrast to a miscarriage, which happened by itself, abortion is a forcible removal of the foetus (embryo of the baby). Abortion is among the darker sides of sex, especially for women. The younger the woman, the darker the abortion. If it is carried out by an incompetent person, then it becomes a nightmare. If an abortion is carried out in the early months of pregnancy (until the 12th week), it’s relatively safe. Later than that and it could threaten a women’s physical or mental health, and even her life. Abortions are never carried out in the last three months of pregnancy. REASON FOR ABORTION: Unwanted pregnancy CONSEQUENCES OF ABORTION: fear, traumas and a risk of permanent sterility THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: finding out you’re pregnant* as early as possible THE STUPIDEST THING: trying to conceal your pregnancy THE MOST DIFFICULT THING: Telling your mother! JUST AS DIFFICULT: Telling your father! THE MOST DANGEROUS THING: having an abortion after the third month EVEN MORE DANGEROUS: Expecting incompetent persons to help you THE MOST NAÏVE THING: Consulting with friends, neighbours, younger sisters and people of a similar level of competence THE SMARTEST THING: going to a youth counseling centre or a gynecologist for information about contraception THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN: Never having an abortion. * You know you are pregnant: when you’ve missed your period, suffer from morning sickness and vomiting and crave for vinegary foods, when your pregnancy test comes out positive, when your gynecologist says so If reading this section has made you pause for thought, this means you’re a mature and responsible person. If this section made you laugh, you should ask yourself what sort of bozo you are. If this section was boring and incomprehensible, put away the book and go back to your Barbie dolls.

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Sexually-transmi tted or Venereal diseases – a very dark side of sex. If you try to treat them by yourself, or by relying on laymen’s advice, they only get even darker and more dangerous. TYPES OF DISEASES: syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, vaginitis… SYMPTOMS: may be very different, depending on the affliction. Itching, redness, swellings, a prickling sensation, secretions… TRANSMISSION: Easy and fast HOW: Sexual relations TREATMENT: Lengthy and tedious PROTECTION: Condoms PREVENTION: Avoiding sexual relations if one of the partners suspects the existence of a sexually – transmitted disease RISKS: Frequent change of partner and poor hygiene DELUSIONS: It only happens to others; it’ll go away by itself ESPECIALLY NEGATIVE: It’s a major bother and also a great disgrace ESPECIALLY POSITIVE: Nothing Those that understand how dangerous sexually-transmitted diseases are may read on. The others should re-read this section until they comprehend it fully. Now go on.

Aids

– the darkest side of sex, so dark that it’s an absolute nightmare. AIDS CANNOT BE CURED, it’s FATAL. AIDS sufferers usually DIE in great pain. Members of the following groups have a bigger than average risk of contracting the HIV virus: HAEMOPHILIACS, DRUG ADDICTS, HOMOSEXUALS AND PROMISCUOUS PERSONS (those who often change partners in sex) Transmitted through the BLOOD or SEXUAL RELATIONS. The best protection: CONDOMS and FIDELITY of the partners.

TO MAKE SURE YOU’D READ THIS SECTION AT LEAST TWICE, WE DIDN’T SAVE ON PAPER. YOU SHOULD NOW HOW SERIOUS AIDS REALLY IS.

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Aids

– the darkest side of sex, so dark that it’s an absolute nightmare. AIDS CANNOT BE CURED, it’s FATAL. AIDS sufferers usually DIE in great pain. Members of the following groups have a bigger than average risk of contracting the HIV virus: HAEMOPHILIACS, DRUG ADDICTS, HOMOSEXUALS AND PROMISCUOUS PERSONS (those who often change partners in sex) Transmitted through the BLOOD or SEXUAL RELATIONS. The best protection: CONDOMS and FIDELITY of the partners.

ADVISABLE: Spreading the word about AIDS TRIED AND TESTED: God protects those who protect themselves!

Sexual violence

– sexual contacts to which one person has not consented voluntarily of knowingly, or has consented under duress. Sexual violence is far more widespread than you might think. Its victims are usually reluctant to talk about their bad experiences. They are afraid of a feeling of guilt or shame, condemnation or adverse comments, revenge by their assailant, shame on their whole family… COMPULSORY: If, God forbid, something like this happens to you, you must immediately tell a person you trust about it. Without showering or washing yourself, go to your Gynecologist at once, and only then to the police. OF COURSE: You mustn’t invent anything that didn’t really happen!

Rape – sexual relations carried out without the consent of one person. Usually attended by physical violence, brutality, slapping across the face, crying and fear. Rape can inflict both physical and mental consequences on its victims. It is usually an expression of anger, demonstration of force or an act of humiliation rather than an attempt to achieve sexual satisfaction. Its victims can be both female and male. It is punishable by law.

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PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE:

Avoid dark and lonely places! Always carry a flashlight, Mace or siren! Avoid inflaming male passions if you’re not willing to have sex! Stay out of the cars and flats of people you don’t know! Be as sober and careful as possible!

ADDITION I: Rape can also be committed by someone you know – a friend, boyfriend, husband, teacher or eve a family member (see the next section) ADDITION II: If you see any suspicious individuals hanging around your school, you must immediately inform a teacher, the headmaster, a parent or the nearest police station.

Pedophilia or child abuse means sexual relations between a child and an older person not related to the child. Like the other forms of sexual violence, its consequences for the children are very negative. Pedophilia sometimes also involves prostitution.

Incest

– sexual violence within a family, perpetrated by next of kin, a stepfather, stepmother or more distant relatives. If children are involved, they are usually compelled to keep it secret. Children usually succumb because they are terror-stricken and ashamed. They fear that they won’t be believed, that they will be punished or that the sexual violence will spread to other family members. Both the aggressor and the victims can be male or female. It is sometimes difficult to distinguish between incest and simple closeness and love between relatives.

In case some old geezer starts blowing in your face, staring at your bosom, stroking your leg or God forbid even shoving his hand into your panties, don’t be scared and lose your wits, but scream off the top of your head: “Help! Police! Help!” If the maniac is by some chance a person who is close to you, scream even louder!

You must never fall for statements like this one – “Don’t tell anyone about this, let it be our little secret!” or “Tell anyone a word and you’ll regret it!” Find an adult you trust and do the exact opposite!

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Part III

Around Sex

Is ti good or bad?

Swearing and bad languagewrite – frequently heard from adolescents, who have an ardent need to both utter and them. Usually demonstrate their bad language in public or forbidden places...

...which is definitely not good.

While kids are small, adults love to teach them to swear. They are even rewarded with applause, laughter or even money. But as soon as the kids break away and start to expand their language on their own, adults begin punishing them – not only banning the use of profanity, but even discussing it. If only they themselves never cussed!

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Erotica – literature or art dealing with sexual love. Usually causes a red face, a quicker heartbeat, slight nervousness and sexual arousal, but also shame, unease and confusion. Nudity is not a compulsory part of erotica. Eroticism can also exist in fully – clothed persons.

Well said, but please also explain how we can reach the bounds of decency. By foot, car or ship? By the way, how far are they from the town centre?

Well, it’s individual. Just like sexuality. One and the same thing may be taboo for some and an everyday thing for others. The best thing is that we all follow our own discretion and decide what we like and don’t like. So take things into your own hands and get to work.

INFORMATION: Erotic materials can be found at news-stands, in video rentals … but also in museums, libraries, cinemas, exhibitions... IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW: Erotics write love poems.

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MESSAGE FOR A LOVED ONE: Please be erotic and write me a love poem. If it goes well, go ahead and write an entire collection of poems, publish it and dedicate it to me, of course! Very grateful in advance, Yours ……!

Pornography – spreading debauchery and obscenity by depicting naked and seminaked men and women. In contrast with erotic materials, which focus on the aesthetic side, pornography is interested in only one thing – openly showing male and female genitals and sexual relations, usually provoking redness in the face, a quicker heartbeat, high anxiety and sexual arousal, but sometimes also horror, shock and revulsion. INFORMATION: As pornography is banned to persons under the age of 18, we won’t try to explain how you can get access to it, although you can find it everywhere (see the corner news-stand). IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW: A pornographer is a writer or artist creating works depicting debauchery, especially in the lives of harlots.

BUTCHER

Prosti tution – derived from the Latin word prostitutio and means debauchery and selling one’s body for money. Calling prostitution the world’s oldest profession isn’t unfounded, as it existed as such in the time of the ancient Greeks and Romans. Today prostitution is more widespread than ever. In some countries it has been legalised. But regardless of the law, it seems impossible to eradicate. Prostitutes often transmit venereal disease and the HIV virus. It’s a very hard and risky profession. Male prostitutes are called gigolos. Prostitutes are generally called whores, hookers.

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Peepingpeople Tommaking – Secretly watches love, while hiding behind bushes or through keyholes – until he’s driven off. Sometimes content with just watching, but sometimes also masturbates. Being a Peeping Tom is definitely not commendable. NOTE: Peeping Toms and flashers are not dangerous as such, but meeting them is not pleasant. If it happens to you, ignore them or threaten to call the police and go home at once.

Exhibitionist

– a man or a woman who loves to be watched by others more than anything else in the world. Present themselves to the world in a dressed or undressed state, depending on the level of exhibitionism. The best known exhibitionist is a flasher, a person who puts on an overcoat with nothing under it, hangs around dark corners and waits for innocent victims, whom he then ambushes by jumping out in front of them and opening his overcoat, sometimes making a frightening or at least a stupid face at the same time. Being an exhibitionist is just as commendable as being a Peeping Tom.

Orgies – sex with more than two people involved. See picture.

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NOTE: When partners in sex take off their clothes and look at each other, they aren’t being exhibitionists or perverts. On the contrary, their action is stimulating.

Talking about Sex We divided this chapter into two parts so as to impress you with our knowledge and studious approach. There are two types of myths: – ancient sexual myths, and: – contemporary sexual myths.

Ancient sexual myths

NARCISSUS – a youth who saw his image in a lake and fell in love with it, gradually wasting away and finally dying from unfulfilled desire after himself (what a geek!). The gods later turned his body into the flower called after him. Today we say someone is narcissistic when he or she is self-centred and obsessed with his own physical or mental attributes.

OEDIPUS – unwittingly killed his own father and married his own mother, and, worst of all, had four children with her. When they found out their mistake, the mother killed herself at once, while Oedipus first blinded himself and then killed himself. The Oedipus complex is the subject of numerous works of art and literature, but also family quarrels.

SODOM AND I GOMORRAH – Biblical cities of sin and debauchery burned down in sulphur and tar. Located at the site of today’s Dead Sea (that should make everything clear!). Sodomy is anal or oral sex. It is also copulation with animals. No one doing that can be called clever or normal.

WARNING: If your name is Narcissus, avoid looking at yourself in the mirror too often and too long.

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Contemporary sexual myths Marjorie, what do you say to the idea that we two collect all our myths and publish them. Do you like my idea?

No!

Am I pregnant? – a question often seen in READERS’ COLUMNS. You’ve probably seen many already, and perhaps even written one.

Dear So and So, Please help me! I am beside myself with fright. Our class was on a hiking trip on Saturday. We walked for three hours and I was so tired I almost collapsed. When we reached the top, I sat down on a rock. A friend told me that minutes before a boy called Jack from another form had sat on the rock and that I was probably pregnant. At first I though she was pulling my leg, but as time passes it looks more and more as if she was right. I don’t feel too well and my stomach has been growing. Jill Dear Jill, Your question will be answered by our pregnancy expert once she’s returned from maternity leave. Until then, please go on a diet! The editor

Marjorie, do you remember when you...

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No I don’t, and will you stop interrupting me all the time!

Coming isnine times in a row the dream of every male. As youngsters they dream about it, in their prime they work at it, and in their old age talk they about it. Their boyhood dream turns into an eternal dream. Let’s hear a tragic story proving the point. When I first heard about the record, I was ten. It was accomplished by a certain Tom Jones from 7c. Well, Tom was quite a bit older than we were because he’d flunked a year twice. During his record-breaking attempt, he held before him the photograph of an unknown blonde (undressed) lying on a tiger skin (artificial). His accomplishment took place before two witnesses who’d previously taken an oath. Since then I have been trying to break Tom’s record. In the past 39 years I have never been able to go past ONE. I’ll be turning 50 tomorrow. I have decided to officially stop trying. Nine times in a row – only Tom Jones could have done something like that. Recently I heard that Tom moved to Australia and that his son can do it ten times in a row.

Sexual stimulants or aphrodisiacs – serve to boost sexual potency. Sometimes taken of one’s own free will, but more often without one’s knowledge*. There are many types of aphrodisiacs, but the best known is called Spanish Fly. *usually put secretly into a drink. Have you heard the story about the girl who had a sexual stimulant put in her drink without her knowledge? Read on.

There once was a young girl (who we think is probably pretty old by now) who went out one night with a lad (whom we think she didn’t know too well). They sat and talked and everything was fine, until she went to powder her nose, and the lad put an aphrodisiac into her drink (probably quite a strong one). As they sat down in the car (he was taking her home, we guess), the drug began to hit her. She got randier and randier and barely managed to contain herself. When she could no longer restrain herself, she jumped straight on to the gear-stick! MORAL: Don’t go out with people you don’t know! Don’t go to the bathroom, and if you must, take your drink with you. Fall for the boy, not the gear-stick!

Pant, pant...

Many people believe eating honey and walnuts enhance sexual prowess! NO ONE WHO IS NORMAL BELIEVES that alcohol, tobacco and drugs boost potency!

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Sex Through History

Spouses were once chosen by parents under the following pretext: “We’re older and thus wiser, which means that we know better than you do what is good for you. How can a child of 16 or 17 know whether it’s better to buy a plot of arable land or an orchard? Weddings were scheduled only after the two sides’ relatives had reached agreement on moveable and immovable property (provided a row hadn’t broken out in the meantime). In many cases the bride and groom met for the very first time at their wedding. Surprises were many, usually unpleasant. You can just imagine how perplexed the newly-weds were during their first night!! NOWADAYS: Parents no longer pick our future wives or husbands – we now have to make the wrong choice ourselves!

Marjorie, let me tell you how on your first night you…

Maybe, but let me then tell YOU how on your honeymoon…

All right, all right, perhaps it’s better is we went on to the next section at once!

Nothing before we're married, in other words: Get away from me! Who do you take me for?

You should be ashamed of yourself!

I’ll call mother! Don’t you dare touch me!

Get out! Take you hands off me!

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Sentences like these were uttered by this and similar girls who wanted to give their future husbands their chastity (see page 68), besides their dowry*. Their first sexual relation took place during their wedding night. The bride’s mother-in-law established whether she was a virgin or not by inspecting the bed-sheets the next morning. * the property which a woman brings to her husband at marriage.

Chastity belt

– means “Sit and wait for me, I’ll be back when the time for it comes!” While her husband was away on his business, a wife could do pretty much everything (knit, sew, weave, stitch, clean, wash, iron..) except have sex. Her genital area was locked up, and thus forgotten.

I won’t weep over the sad fate of us women. And neither will I stoop to calling men male chauvinist pigs. That would mean entering into be a vicious circle which is difficult to leave. Malefemale relations are far too complex in their simplicity. It isn’t easy to be both happy and right. But let’s leave that subject for another time!

A word or two about infidelity. I know very well what it’s like when you fall in love. It’s wonderful, but some things have to be respected. Before you begin a new romantic and sexual relationship, have the courtesy to break off the old one. Is it easier to cheat on someone than to break up??

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Before we part our ways You have to admit that you know many more things now than you did 98 pages ago. We tried to answer some questions, forget some altogether, and open up some. You have to find the answer to them by yourself, as you will never grow up if you avoid gaining personal experience. Remember, though, that open questions require open dialogue. Chin up high and full speed ahead! Read, look at things and people, uncover and cover things...Take your life in your hands, put some sense in your head, a condom in your pocket and make your way to the exit. But before we give each other a goodbye kiss, we need to do one more thing:

Proficiency Examination We have three different tests for you:

1. Recognition and Familiarisation 2.Clothes On and Clothes Off 3.True or False

Getting everything right in each tests wins you ten points. For partially correct answers you get five points, and zero if you get it wrong. Add up the points, multiply by two, subtract from the age in years of the oldest reader and divide by your grandfather’s shoe size. Readers with the highest scores will be awarded this special DIPLOMA:

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DIPLOMA

HIGHLIY-SKILLED SEXUAL BEGINNER

1. Recognithetionlookout andforFamiliarisation – a very important task for those currently on a future loved one. The descriptions and pictures of all manner of possible (and impossible) potential loved ones are scrambled below. Your task is to read the texts and study the pictures carefully and try to match the descriptions with the pictures. By completing this task successfully, you will have learned to recognise the various details, characteristics, differences and specific features of all your peers. In time, you will also begin to recognize persons other than those who are loud and self-centred. The quiet and peaceful types can sometimes be much more interesting than they might appear at first sight. You just need to be near enough to them!

TYPES: THE ICEBERG – difficult to warm up, but cools very rapidly. Has nothing against sex, but sees nothing going for it, either. During normal sex, yawns and studies the chandelier. Her strongest weapon is the icy look with which she can instantly freeze a man fired up to melting point. Favourite saying: Freeze and Rule! Favourite excuse: headache. CLEVER BOOTS – knows everything about everything, including sex (only theory, of course). The most ardent of the species think all men are pigs and should not be offered pearls (while thinking of themselves). Spends her entire life waiting for a prince on a white horse to ring her door bell. Likes reading, doing crossword puzzles and telling jokes about blondes. HORNY HERBERT – knows for his extensive porn and erotica collection. Often hangs around nude beaches and sex shops. Given his profound knowledge of the female anatomy and psyche, often approached for advice. Likes to throw comments at girls, measure them up, stare and inspect, squeeze and pinch, and exaggerate everything. LOONY TUNE – very interesting when he was young, extremely boring in his old age. A species which differs from others in everything – behaviour, clothes, hairstyle, favourite music, parties, girls. RULE: The more he diverges from real life, the shorter and less attractive is sex with him.

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BABY: Loves playing with those younger than he is. Doesn’t shave, although he already has a fair moustache. Mother picks his clothes and father takes him to his barber. Has heard of sex, but doesn’t really know what it is. Marries when a girl proposes to him, and divorces when his wife leaves him. THE ATHLETE: Always at the gym or the match or in front of a TV screen. Doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke. Goes to bed early, except when there are live sports on late TV. Usually picks sport over his girl, who waits for him for hours and days, all pretty and fixed up. Quite fond of sex, but only when the coach gives the go-ahead. ALWAYS CORRECT: Always arrives at dates on time or earlier. Takes his girl out to posh places. Always escorts her to her door on the way back from the date. Loves attending family dinners. Known for the huge bouquets he brings. When he breaks up with his girl, the person who suffers the most is her mother. BLONDE – Good to look at, not as good to listen to. Slow to catch on to jokes, especially those about blondes. Always dolled up to perfection, even when throwing out the garbage. Prefers being admired than loved. Always noticed and always the subject of gossip. Responds to the nickname Barbie. Most frequent communication with her: “Sit down and shut up” or “lie down and shut up”. NORMAL NORMA: determines her sexual conduct according to her desires, capacity and values. Always articulate and unambiguous. Without her consent, difficult to get into bed, and even more difficult to get into wedlock. Generally well-liked or even admired by her circle, and respected and loved by her partner. More often found on the pages of classical novels than in real life.

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D!!o!rm E T f ase in e l WAseN p r e he nce!

o If you tist at the ar

BEST FRIEND’S GIRL – functions in the following manner: her boyfriend kisses her – his best friend understands her; her boyfriend scolds her – his best friend comforts her; her boyfriend loves her – his best friend adores her. They always study, go on walks and the cinema and holidays together. The girl is happy, her boyfriend profits from it and his best friend’s in an eternal dilemma: stay honest and be unhappy, or be dishonest and be happy (at least once)? DEAR MARJORIE – Offers professional advice for all questions of vital importance, such as: “What should I do, he’s seeing another girl?” or “How can I approach her?” … In more difficult cases (“we’ve broken up”) , consults her team of professional neighbourhood experts. Doesn’t charge for her services, but won’t say No to a cup of tea. Makes up for her scant personal experience with vast literary knowledge. When she grows up, she becomes Aunt Marjorie. THE PHILOSOPHER – loves school books. Has top marks, conduct impeccable. Has quite commendable knowledge of sex, but only from biology classes. Not very interested in the girls in his class – prefers female teachers and his mother’s lady friends. Looks at parties as a waste of time, but is often seen at literary soirees and various lectures.

!! ! D E NTd spot him, w WA ul kno ou sho oress

th If y the au ! t e l CE please AT ON

NORMAL NICK: Never lies or cheats in sex. Can be kinky, but only in close co-operation with his sexual partner. Always respects her wishes and needs. Meticulous about hygiene, health matters and birth control. Snapped up as soon as he appears on the market. ADVICE: Don’t wait!

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2.this Clo thes On and Clothes Off – a simple name for an even simpler task. Paste page (or a photo-copy) on to cardboard and cut out carefully along their edges the drawings of the man and woman and all their apparel. Put on some soft music, dim the lights and take their clothes off and put them back on again to you heart’s content! By doing this you will get used to the basic actions in sex.

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3.in theTrue of False – a good opportunity to test your knowledge in sexual matters. Put a “T” little square if you think the statement is true, and an “F” if you think it’s false. ERECTION – a rush of blood both to the head and to the penis FRIGIDITY – a lack of sexual feeling in males PROSTITUTE and GIGOLO – persons who charge money for providing sexual services VIRGO INTACTS, VIRGIN – a girl or woman who hasn’t given herself to anyone yet, let alone charged money of it IMPOTENCE – a man’s sexual potency BISEXUAL – a person drawn exclusively to women EJACULATION – release of sperm from the female genitals, so satisfying she feels like doing it again HETEROSEXUAL – a person sexually attracted to persons of the opposite sex SCROTUM – a plastic pouch that containes the testes MENARCHE – the first menstruation experienced by a man

SOLUTIONS: ERECTION – a rush of blood both to the head and to the penis FRIGIDITY – a lack of sexual feeling in females PROSTITUTE and GIGOLO – persons who money charge for providing sexual services VIRGO INTACTS, VIRGIN – a girl or woman who hasn’t given herself to anyone yet, let alone charged money of it IMPOTENCE – the lack of sexual potency in a man BISEXUAL – a person sexually drawn to persons of both sexes EJACULATION – release of sperm from the male genitals, so satisfying he feels like doing it again HETEROSEXUAL – a person sexually attracted to persons of the opposite sex SCROTUM – a pouch of skin that contains the testes MENARCHE – the first menstruation experienced by a woman.

Now that we have reached the end, Marjorie and I have decided to tell you just one word – “rose” – because a rose is very similar to sex. It can give you great joy and pleasure, if you’re careful, and pain and discomfort, if you’re not. As always, it’s your own choice.

We’re rooting for you with all our might! Don’t let yourself be lied to, stifled, tormented… but don’t do it others, either. Have fun as be as natural as possible. Good luck!

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