27154412-Why-Women-Have-Sex.pdf

Why women have sex According to a new book, there are 237 reasons why women have sex. And most of them have little to do with romance or pleasure

Perefect symmetry: Brad Pitt and Geena Davis in Thelma and Louise. Photograph: Ronald Grant Archive Do you want to know why women have sex with men with tiny little feet? I am stroking a book called Why Women Have Sex. It is by Cindy Meston, a clinical psychologist, and David Buss, an evolutionary psychologist. It is a very thick, bulging book. I've never really wondered Why Women Have Sex. But after years of not asking the question, the answer is splayed before me. Meston and Buss have interviewed 1,006 women from all over the world about their sexual motivation, and in doing so they have identified 237 different reasons why women have sex. Not 235. Not 236. But 237. And what are they? From the reams of confessions, it emerges that women have sex for physical, emotional and material reasons; to boost their self-esteem, to keep their lovers, or because they are raped or coerced. Love? That's just a song. We are among the bad apes now. Why, I ask Meston, have people never really talked about this? Alfred Kinsey, the "father" of sexology, asked 7,985 people about their sexual histories in the 1940s and 50s; Masters and Johnson observed people having orgasms for most of the 60s. But they never asked why. Why? "People just assumed the answer was obvious," Meston says. "To feel good. Nobody has really talked about how women can use sex for all sorts of resources." She rattles off a list and as she says it, I realise I knew it all along: "promotion, money, drugs, bartering,

for revenge, to get back at a partner who has cheated on them. To make themselves feel good. To make their partners feel bad." Women, she says, "can use sex at every stage of the relationship, from luring a man into the relationship, to try and keep a man so he is fulfilled and doesn't stray. Duty. Using sex to get rid of him or to make him jealous." "We never ever expected it to be so diverse," she says. "From the altruistic to the borderline evil." Evil? "Wanting to give someone a sexually transmitted infection," she explains. I turn to the book. I am slightly afraid of it. Who wants to have their romantic fantasies reduced to evolutional processes? The first question asked is: what thrills women? Or, as the book puts it: "Why do the faces of Antonio Banderas and George Clooney excite so many women?" We are, apparently, scrabbling around for what biologists call "genetic benefits" and "resource benefits". Genetic benefits are the genes that produce healthy children. Resource benefits are the things that help us protect our healthy children, which is why women sometimes like men with big houses. Jane Eyre, I think, can be read as a love letter to a big house. "When a woman is sexually attracted to a man because he smells good, she doesn't know why she is sexually attracted to that man," says Buss. "She doesn't know that he might have a MHC gene complex complimentary to hers, or that he smells good because he has symmetrical features." So Why Women Have Sex is partly a primer for decoding personal ads. Tall, symmetrical face, cartoonish V-shaped body? I have good genes for your brats. Affluent, GSOH – if too fond of acronyms – and kind? I have resource benefits for your brats. I knew this already; that is how Bill Clinton got sex, despite his astonishing resemblance to a moving potato. It also explains why Vladimir Putin has become a sex god and poses topless with his fishing rod. Then I learn why women marry accountants; it's a trade-off. "Clooneyish" men tend to be unfaithful, because men have a different genetic agenda from women – they want to impregnate lots of healthy women. Meston and Buss call them "risk-taking, womanising 'bad boys'". So, women might use sex to bag a less dazzling but more faithful mate. He will have fewer genetic benefits but more resource benefits that he will make available, because he will not run away. This explains why women marry accountants. Accountants stick around – and sometimes they have tiny little feet! And so to the main reason women have sex. The idol of "women do it for love, and men for joy" lies broken on the rug like a mutilated sex toy: it's orgasm, orgasm, orgasm. "A lot of women in our studies said they just wanted sex for the pure physical pleasure," Meston says. Meston and Buss garnish this revelation with so much amazing detail that I am distracted. I can't concentrate. Did you know that the World Health Organisation has a Women's Orgasm Committee? That "the G-spot" is named after the German physician Ernst Gräfenberg? That there are 26 definitions of orgasm?

And so, to the second most important reason why women have sex – love. "Romantic love," Meston and Buss write, "is the topic of more than 1,000 songs sold on iTunes." And, if people don't have love, terrible things can happen, in literature and life: "Cleopatra poisoned herself with a snake and Ophelia went mad and drowned." Women say they use sex to express love and to get it, and to try to keep it. Love: an insurance policy And what is love? Love is apparently a form of "long-term commitment insurance" that ensures your mate is less likely to leave you, should your legs fall off or your ovaries fall out. Take that, Danielle Steele – you may think you live in 2009 but your genes are still in the stone age, with only chest hair between you and a bloody death. We also get data which confirms that, due to the chemicals your brain produces – dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine – you are, when you are in love, technically what I have always suspected you to be – mad as Stalin. And is the world mad? According to surveys, which Meston and Buss helpfully whip out from their inexhaustible box of every survey ever surveyed, 73% of Russian women are in love, and 63% of Japanese women are in love. What percentage of women in north London are in love, they know not. But not as many men are in love. Only 61% of Russian men are in love and only 41% of Japanese men are in love. Which means that 12% of Russian women and 22% of Japanese women are totally wasting their time. And then there is sex as man-theft. "Sometimes men who are high in mate value are in relationships or many of them simply pursue a short-term sexual strategy and don't want commitment," Buss explains. "There isn't this huge pool of highly desirable men just sitting out there waiting for women." It's true. So how do we liberate desirable men from other women? We "mate poach". And how do we do that? We "compete to embody what men want" – high heels to show off our pelvises, lip-gloss to make men think about vaginas, and we see off our rivals with slander. We spread gossip – "She's easy!" – because that makes the slandered woman less inviting to men as a long-term partner. She may get short-term genetic benefits but she can sing all night for the resource benefits, like a cat sitting out in the rain. Then – then! – the gossiper mates with the man herself. We also use sex to "mate guard". I love this phrase. It is so evocative an image – I can see a man in a cage, and a woman with a spear and a bottle of baby oil. Women regularly have sex with their mates to stop them seeking it elsewhere. Mate guarding is closely related to "a sense of duty", a popular reason for sex, best expressed by the Meston and Buss interviewee who says: "Most of the time I just lie there and make lists in my head. I grunt once in a while so he knows I'm awake, and then I tell him how great it was when it's over. We are happily married." Women often mate guard by flaunting healthy sexual relationships. "In a very public display of presumed rivalry," Meston writes, "in 2008 singer and actress Jessica Simpson appeared with her boyfriend, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, wearing a shirt with the tagline Real Girls Eat Meat. Fans interpreted it as a competitive dig at Romo's previous mate, who is a vegetarian."

Meston and Buss also explain why the girls in my class at school went down like dominoes in 1990. One week we were maidens, the following week, we were not. We were, apparently, having sex to see if we liked it, so we could tell other schoolgirls that we had done it and to practise sexual techniques: "As a woman I don't want to be a dead fish," says one female. Another interviewee wanted to practise for her wedding night. The authors lubricate this with a description of the male genitalia, again food themed. I include it because I am immature. "In Masters & Johnson's [1966] study of over 300 flaccid penises the largest was 5.5 inches long (about the size of a bratwurst sausage); the smallest non-erect penis was 2.25 inches (about the size of a breakfast sausage)." Ever had sex out of pity and wondered why? "Women," say Meston and Buss, "for the most part, are the ones who give soup to the sick, cookies to the elderly and . . . sex to the forlorn." "Tired, but he wanted it," says one female. Pause for more amazing detail: fat people are more likely to stay in a relationship because no one else wants them. Women also mate to get the things they think they want – drugs, handbags, jobs, drugs. "The degree to which economics plays out in sexual motivations," Buss says, "surprised me. Not just prostitution. Sex economics plays out even in regular relationships. Women have sex so that the guy would mow the lawn or take out the garbage. You exchange sex for dinner." He quotes some students from the University of Michigan. It is an affluent university, but 9% of students said they had "initiated an attempt to trade sex for some tangible benefit". Medicinal sex Then there is sex to feel better. Women use sex to cure their migraines. This is explained by the release of endormorphins during sex – they are a pain reliever. Sex can even help relieve period pains. (Why are periods called periods? Please, someone tell me. Write in.) Women also have sex because they are raped, coerced or lied to, although we have defences against deception – men will often copulate on the first date, women on the third, so they will know it is love (madness). Some use sex to tell their partner they don't want them any more – by sleeping with somebody else. Some use it to feel desirable; some to get a new car. There are very few things we will not use sex for. As Meston says, "Women can use sex at every stage of the relationship." And there you have it – most of the reasons why women have sex, although, as Meston says, "There are probably a few more." Probably. Before I read this book I watched women eating men in ignorance. Now, when I look at them, I can hear David Attenborough talking in my head: "The larger female is closing in on her prey. The smaller female has been ostracised by her rival's machinations, and slinks away." The complex human race has been reduced in my mind to a group of little apes, running around, rutting and squeaking. I am not sure if I feel empowered or dismayed. I thought that my lover adored me. No – it is because I have a symmetrical face. "I love you so much," he would say, if he could

read his evolutionary impulses, "because you have a symmetrical face!" "Oh, how I love the smell of your compatible genes!" I would say back. "Symmetrical face!" "Compatible genes!" "Symmetrical face!" "Compatible genes!" And so we would osculate (kiss). I am really just a monkey trying to survive. I close the book. I think I knew that. In her new book, titled ‘Sex with Your Ex & 69 Other Things You Should Never Do Again... Plus a Few That You Should’, author Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright has mentioned things that one should strictly refrain to keep a healthy sex life, reports Fox News. And, according to her, the don’ts of sex are: 1. Never have a "type" of orgasm - have your orgasm Instead of trying to have a breast, clitoral, G-spot or blended orgasm, forget the labels and have yours. Don’t worry about having a specific type, but focus on pampering your whole body, attending to any of its hot spots. This beckons your orgasm by not being so goal-oriented. 2. Never talk about past sexual relationships Don’t invite distress into your current romance by reminiscing about the good times or bad times you’ve had with other jerks, hotties, players or loves. Focus on the present and making it the most memorable. 3. Never let sex get routine While it’s wise to get in a routine to make sure sex happens, don’t let the sex itself get routine. This only invites monotony and the mundane. To keep things hot, be sure to keep things new and fresh. 4. Never just lie there A big complaint you’ll hear from men and women alike is that their lover didn’t do much of anything during sex. Men have grumbled that she doesn’t move during lovemaking. Most people like an active lover - one responsive to the action, which shows that they’re into the moment. 5. Never move in together (or get married) a second time Things didn’t work out the first time for good reason. Maybe you love each other, but if you’re incompatible or fight too much, it’s better to cut your losses and move on to a situation that does work.

6. Never drink cheap beer and stay overnight Don’t set yourself up to be someone’s gassy guest. Get the walk of shame over with sooner rather than later, lest you stink up someone’s bedroom and bathroom. This is not the kind of lasting impression most seducers are after. 7. Never drink more than 1-2 glasses of alcohol While spirits can do a lot for one’s spirits, sexual self-confidence, and libido, keep your booze to a minimum. More than a couple of glasses can cause erectile difficulties in men and vaginal dryness in women. Being buzzed or drunk can also lead to high-risk sexual behaviours. 8. Never compare yourself to Victoria’s Secret or Abercrombie models . It’s no good to think that these real-life moving mannequins are the standard by which you should judge your face or form. You’ve got your own unique look and that can be super sexy, depending on how you wear it. That starts with a smile and indicating to others that you feel quite good about yourself. 9. Never totally trust magazine sex tips Don’t mindlessly copy magazine sex tips. Think about the suggestion first. Is it hot or completely ridiculous? Will it work for your sexual relationship? Or does it have the potential to sabotage your sex life? 10. Never douche before sex Despite popular belief, douching is not a safe or healthy way to clean the vagina. Doing so upsets the vagina’s delicate chemical balance, increasing your chance of developing pelvic inflammatory disease or other health problems. Let the vagina naturally cleanse itself and worry about other much sexier activities pre-sex. 11. Never attempt tricky Kama Sutra positions if you are not flexible . Stick with pursuing sexual positions that are comfortable for you. 12. Never listen to somebody slamming your sexy self . Is a guy suggesting that you get breast implants? Is some gal making fun of your penis size? In either case, ignore the criticism, or in the very least, fire back.

1. You catch him staring at your eyes. The eyes are more than just windows to a man's soul, they can also be a tattletale to what's welling in his heart. Men always ogle the objects they desire — it's the reason you're always busting us cleavage-peeping. So consider: With all that eye candy out there, if it's you he's staring at, his affection runs deep. There are two types of I-love-you looks. There's the secret stare (you'll have to catch him in the act). "Watching my girlfriend at a party allows me a private moment when I can pinch myself and wonder how I deserve this amazing person in my life — a perspective I can't get when she's right there in front of me," says Patrick, 30.

Then there's the steady gaze. Guys are guarded when it comes to showing emotion. If they lock eyes for a full-tilt, unabashed stare, they're lowering their shield to let you in. "I'd never hold that sort of eye contact with anyone else, but an intense gaze with my girlfriend reflects how comforted and captivated I am by her," says Chip, 29.

2. He stocks his kitchen with stuff you like. Discovering that his kitchen is loaded with biscotti, lemon-lime seltzer, and other feminine edibles (that would only pass his lips at gunpoint) shows you're lingering on his mind in the most unexpected, unromantic places — like the produce aisle on a solo shopping trip. "One day I checked out my shopping cart and saw all the bags of baby carrots and bottles of diet soda meant for my girlfriend," says Patrick. "It struck me that it had become second nature for me to consider what would make her happy, and that's when I knew I was in love."

Furthermore, stocking up means he's gone public with your place in his pad. You see, men like to maintain at least the image of being detached for as long as possible. So leaving unmistakable evidence in our home that there's a woman present in our life is a bright red flag that you're The One.

3. He talks about where he wants to live in three years. Telling you he plans to relocate out West one day may seem like a neon warning not to get any long-term ideas because your man's getting set to leave you in the dust. However, it might also be his wily way of letting you know that he wants you in his future. "Every time I tell my girlfriend where I see 'me' down the road, I'm really trying to gauge whether she sees herself there with me," says Jon, 26. So how do you know when a guy's just bragging about his grand game plan and when he's quietly declaring his love? It's all in the way he talks. If he tells you

he wants to move to Tahiti, be a beach bum, and ogle the local girls, no dice. If he mentions that he sees himself eventually settling in San Francisco, then immediately asks if you could ever envision living there, he's emitting serious long-term relationship rays.

4. He wears the sweater you gave him all the time. Trusting you behind the wheel of his wardrobe is something no man does readily. Not that guys are really all that picky about their appearance, it's just that we pride ourselves on being, well, ourselves. "Blame it on the inflated male ego, but to permit any tampering with our identity, even if it's for the better, is considered a sign of weakness," explains Seth, 29. Consequentially, every time a guy does don some item he obviously didn't pick out for himself, he's showing that he's letting you take control and do a little remodeling. It's a bold statement, one that guarantees he'll encounter a certain amount of abuse from his peers. Translation: He's willing to endure his pals' ridicule to make you happy.

5. He stands right next to you in public. Where he stands when you're out together says a lot about where you stand in his life. Consider this key truth: Call us dogs for it, but guys are hard-wired to check out women. "It's second nature for men to scan every room they enter for possible trade-ups if he's still in the market for Ms. Perfect," says Robert, 31. That's why when a man's still uncertain about his feelings, he'll either trail several feet behind you or get out in front and lead the path — two safety positions that keep his wandering eyes hidden. "But if he's in love, he'll squelch this most basic male instinct," says Chad, 28. Sidling up shoulder-to-shoulder is his way of showing his commitment by keeping his eyes right where you can see them. Plus, sticking close puts him in range of being touched in public by you, and that limits his ability to go after a sexy chick he may spy. "Being side-by-side puts my girlfriend within lips' reach, making it easy for her to whisper in my ear or lean in for a surprise quick kiss," says Ryan, 27. "It's my way of telling other women that I'm taken."

6. He doesn't flinch if you pick up his phone. Men never know what potentially image-damaging force might be lurking on the other end of their phone line — from ex-girlfriends looking for a last hurrah to an overly inquisitive mom. If we let you answer that jingling time bomb, it means there's absolutely nothing about us we want to keep concealed from you. "Men aren't big on sharing. So when a guy lets you grab the phone — possibly making you privy to personal information you could use to blackmail him for the rest of his life — it means he's planning on staying with you for a very long time," says Rich, 29.

But more than just sharing his secrets, a guy handing you the rights to his receiver is essentially the same as giving you the key to his kingdom. "A guy's phone is the last thing left in a relationship that's truly his own," says Jeremy, 26. "Giving up that remaining piece of autonomy is something I only do with someone I love."

Find Out if He's Falling for You: Little tip-offs that the guy you're dating is getting in deep:

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He arrives at the restaurant for your dinner dates before you do.

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He remembers the names of your friends (and not just the pretty ones).

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He does things with you during prime sports time (weekend afternoons from 1 to 7).

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He asks about your family.

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He tells you the secret that his best friend told him never to tell anyone.

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He picks you up from the airport ... during rush hour.

Mon, Aug 24 12:15 PM

London, Aug 24 (ANI): Nice guys really do finish last, at least as far as pay packets are concerned. That's the conclusion of a new study, which found that men who are pleasant at work get an average of 1,500-pound a year less than those who are more aggressive. To reach the conclusion, experts looked at the link between personality and pay, reports The Daily Express.

How To Have A Successful Office Romance What Not To Wear To Work Researchers for the Institute for Social and Economic Research at the University of Essex claim their study shows that the amiable are on average paid less. Similar pay penalties applied to other personality traits.Men who were classed as neurotic also earned less than colleagues. However, males who are seen by bosses as extroverts and open to new experiences are paid the best. In the study, researchers had grouped the men into five -personality types: openness to experience, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness and neuroticism. They studied 3,000 men aged between 24 and 64. Researcher Dr Cheti Nicoletti said: "The results show that agreeableness and neuroticism are penalised while extroversion is rewarded. "While it is generally considered fair that workers who are smarter or better educated are paid more, unequal pay across workers with different personality traits - but who are otherwise identical - could be considered unfair." (ANI) Susan Adams, Forbes.com Chances are, you've gotten it on with a colleague. According to a 2009 survey by the job search Web site CareerBuilder.com, four out of 10 workers say they've dated a colleague at some point in their careers. Three in 10 say they married the person they dated at work.

The office seems to be a hotbed of romance and a more effective one than dating Web sites or the corner bar. Helaine Olen, co-author with Stephanie Losee of Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding--and Managing--Romance on the Job, says the workplace is where most people find love these days. "The office has turned into the village of the 21st century," she says. "Where else do you spend 12 hours a day?" And fewer workers are keeping their romances secret. CareerBuilder found that 72% of workers who have office relationships are public with them, compared with 46% five years ago. The survey, of 8,000 workers, was conducted for CareerBuilder by Harris Interactive. While people are more relaxed about office dating than they were in the post-Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas 1990s, workplace romance is still fraught with peril. Worst case scenario, says employment attorney Kathleen McKenna, of New York's Proskauer Rose law firm: A boss-underling affair that goes south and results in a sexual harassment suit. Such suits are based on either a claim of a hostile work environment or a charge that there was f-me-or-you're-fired quid pro quo harassment. Which brings us to our first rule of office dating: Avoid a supervisor-supervisee relationship. Especially for the person in the supervisor's seat, such a relationship is "criminally stupid," says McKenna. "You might as well put a sign on your forehead that says, 'Kick me here.'" McKenna acts mainly as a defense lawyer. Edward Hernstadt, a plaintiff-side employment lawyer with the New York firm Hernstadt Atlas, agrees. An employee can make a claim that she (it's usually a she) wouldn't have dated the boss if she hadn't felt compelled. "The supervisor will say, 'I just asked you to go on a date,'" says Hernstadt. "But the subordinate says, 'I felt I couldn't say no.'" If a supervisor and an underling just can't resist each other, McKenna recommends that they sign what she calls a "cupid contract." They should spell out in writing the fact that both are engaging in a consensual relationship. If the company has a sexual harassment policy, they should make it clear they understand the rules. Helaine Olen agrees. "Set some ground rules you can use if the relationship flames out," she advises. "It's like a prenup for an office romance." Olen also suggests that the senior partner in the relationship step up and report the romance to the human resources department. In so doing, the supervisor should volunteer to take the hit if the company decides the pair should no longer work together. Far preferable is finding someone outside your department to date. Connie ThenasoulisCerrachio, a career coach who has worked with companies including Merrill Lynch, Pfizer and Citigroup, recommends looking for love at office philanthropic activities and social events like softball games rather than in the next cubicle. Another piece of perhaps obvious, but valuable, advice: Pause before you plunge. "Stop and think about yourself in relation to the other person," advises Pepper Schwartz, a

relationship expert at the dating Web site Perfectmatch.com and the author of 16 books on dating and romance. "If you're in heavy lust, you've got to slow down." Kathleen McKenna agrees. "Think about the fact that 50% of marriages don't make it," she says. "The batting average for other relationships is much worse." One more piece of advice: Consider how you would feel if you lost your job. Everyone who has experienced heartbreak knows that sometimes proximity to an ex can be unbearable. All too often, say experts, failed office romances result in one person leaving the job--willfully or not. "The possible consequences here are not just the loss of the person you're ga-ga over," says Schwartz. "It could mean the loss of your livelihood." In Pictures: How To Succeed At Office Romance Also on Forbes.com: "The 'New' Sexual Harassment." Laura Sinberg, Forbes.com Many professional women are guilty of multiple fashion faux pas without realizing it, and their lack of judgment can sometimes lead to being passed over for a job or promotion. Experts agree that one of the biggest fashion mistakes women make, for example, is showing too much cleavage. "It's distracting and inappropriate in a business environment," says Ginger Burr, president of Total Image Consultants in Lynn, Mass., and author of Fashion Secrets Mother Never Taught You. In Pictures: Dressing For Business, Not Pleasure Dressing too sexy can also have psychological effects on your peers, according to Peter Glick, a professor of psychology at Lawrence University in Wisconsin. A study by Glick that was published in Psychology of Women Quarterly indicates that women in highlevel positions who dress in what is seen as sexy attire are viewed as less competent-regardless of their skill sets. These women are passed over for promotions more often than their more modestly dresses female colleagues. So if you want to get ahead in the workplace, better rethink that low-cut top. The Unspoken Rules If you're confused about what is appropriate, you aren't alone, says Barbara Pachter, an etiquette expert who advises companies like Pfizer and Microsoft, noting that a surprising number of executive women admit to not knowing what styles suit their bodies.

In fact, many women wear clothes that are either too big or not tailored properly, a fashion snafu that is easily avoided, says Pachter, who advises buying clothes at department stores with on-site tailors or simply patronizing your neighborhood tailor. Details are important, adds Burr, whose home-study program, "Who Taught You How to Dress," helps clients navigate some of these issues. She tells of a client who was passed over for a promotion for a detail as small as scuffed shoes. "There were two people who were equally qualified for the position, and in the end it came down to one candidate was wearing shoes that were scuffed," she says. "The company wondered whether that would translate in a work [environment] to other details being overlooked." Even politicians and celebrities have to polish their looks in the hopes of furthering their careers. Hillary Clinton is a prime example. More than once she has revamped her look and wardrobe--sometimes criticized as too severe and masculine--to include more traditionally feminine touches, like pastel suits, in an effort to emphasize her role as a wife and mother and relate more to the voting public. Assess Your Work Environment According to James McDonald Jr., a partner at the Irvine, Calif., offices of labor and employment law firm Fisher & Phillips, it is generally legal for an employer to institute an employee dress code. But you don't need to read a company manual to see what is and what is not appropriate to wear to work. The best advice experts give is to simply look around the office: Are the female VPs wearing stockings in the summer months? Is your manager one who rarely takes off her jacket or, perhaps, does she favor short skirts and skinny jeans? The fashion and social service industries, for instance, ordinarily have much more relaxed dress codes than, say, law firms. Even if your position doesn't require you to see outside clients, you are still "making an impression on your boss [and] your potential future boss," notes Heather Kleis, a human resources adviser for insurance company ING. While women may have more options about what to wear in the workplace, they also have more room for misstep, notes psychology professor Glick. "What's a man going to wear, a pair of Dockers and a button-down shirt, as opposed to a tie and a shirt?" Pit that scenario against a woman whose maxi dress is semi-transparent and, well, the impact on their respective reputations hardly compares. Common Mistakes Women Make In general, there are wardrobe selections women should always avoid in the workplace. In addition to the aforementioned maxi dress, wearing clothing that reveals your bra or panty lines is inappropriate office attire. Period. Ditto for micro-mini skirts and sheer clothing without a lining or cover-up. Summer is a season that opens the door to a slew of potential fashion landmines for professional women, including spaghetti-strap tops and gladiator sandals, a hot-ticket item that should be avoided unless the dress code is so laid back that "everyone, including higher-ups, is wearing flip flops," Burr says.

So is being overly conservative the key to advancing? Not necessarily, says Glick. Although it can't hurt to err on the side of caution, asserting a little bit of individuality and personal style can boost your confidence and ability. As elsewhere in your business, it pays to stay one step ahead of the expected. Many professional women are guilty of multiple fashion faux pas without realizing it, and their lack of judgment can sometimes lead to being passed over for a job or promotion. Experts agree that one of the biggest fashion mistakes women make, for example, is showing too much cleavage. "It's distracting and inappropriate in a business environment," says Ginger Burr, president of Total Image Consultants in Lynn, Mass., and author of Fashion Secrets Mother Never Taught You. In Pictures: Dressing For Business, Not Pleasure Dressing too sexy can also have psychological effects on your peers, according to Peter Glick, a professor of psychology at Lawrence University in Wisconsin. A study by Glick that was published in Psychology of Women Quarterly indicates that women in highlevel positions who dress in what is seen as sexy attire are viewed as less competent-regardless of their skill sets. These women are passed over for promotions more often than their more modestly dresses female colleagues. So if you want to get ahead in the workplace, better rethink that low-cut top. The Unspoken Rules If you're confused about what is appropriate, you aren't alone, says Barbara Pachter, an etiquette expert who advises companies like Pfizer and Microsoft, noting that a surprising number of executive women admit to not knowing what styles suit their bodies. In fact, many women wear clothes that are either too big or not tailored properly, a fashion snafu that is easily avoided, says Pachter, who advises buying clothes at department stores with on-site tailors or simply patronizing your neighborhood tailor. Details are important, adds Burr, whose home-study program, "Who Taught You How to Dress," helps clients navigate some of these issues. She tells of a client who was passed over for a promotion for a detail as small as scuffed shoes. "There were two people who were equally qualified for the position, and in the end it came down to one candidate was wearing shoes that were scuffed," she says. "The company wondered whether that would translate in a work [environment] to other details being overlooked." Even politicians and celebrities have to polish their looks in the hopes of furthering their careers. Hillary Clinton is a prime example. More than once she has revamped her look and wardrobe--sometimes criticized as too severe and masculine--to include more traditionally feminine touches, like pastel suits, in an effort to emphasize her role as a wife and mother and relate more to the voting public.

Assess Your Work Environment According to James McDonald Jr., a partner at the Irvine, Calif., offices of labor and employment law firm Fisher & Phillips, it is generally legal for an employer to institute an employee dress code. But you don't need to read a company manual to see what is and what is not appropriate to wear to work. The best advice experts give is to simply look around the office: Are the female VPs wearing stockings in the summer months? Is your manager one who rarely takes off her jacket or, perhaps, does she favor short skirts and skinny jeans? The fashion and social service industries, for instance, ordinarily have much more relaxed dress codes than, say, law firms. Even if your position doesn't require you to see outside clients, you are still "making an impression on your boss [and] your potential future boss," notes Heather Kleis, a human resources adviser for insurance company ING. While women may have more options about what to wear in the workplace, they also have more room for misstep, notes psychology professor Glick. "What's a man going to wear, a pair of Dockers and a button-down shirt, as opposed to a tie and a shirt?" Pit that scenario against a woman whose maxi dress is semi-transparent and, well, the impact on their respective reputations hardly compares. Common Mistakes Women Make In general, there are wardrobe selections women should always avoid in the workplace. In addition to the aforementioned maxi dress, wearing clothing that reveals your bra or panty lines is inappropriate office attire. Period. Ditto for micro-mini skirts and sheer clothing without a lining or cover-up. Summer is a season that opens the door to a slew of potential fashion landmines for professional women, including spaghetti-strap tops and gladiator sandals, a hot-ticket item that should be avoided unless the dress code is so laid back that "everyone, including higher-ups, is wearing flip flops," Burr says. So is being overly conservative the key to advancing? Not necessarily, says Glick. Although it can't hurt to err on the side of caution, asserting a little bit of individuality and personal style can boost your confidence and ability. As elsewhere in your business, it pays to stay one step ahead of the expected.