(258059901) Cooking Show Script for Culinary Twist_formattedERICREVCDW2TOERIC_2

1 Cooking Show Script for Culinary Twist Project ID: 795974 Courtney D. Williams dba Seventh Cloud Creative Solutions MUSIC STARTS. CAMERA ZOOMS IN TO COUNTER WHERE THREE BOTTLES OF CULINARY TWIST SAUCE—MAYA BAY, BORA BORA, AND BAJA—SIT. CAMERA PULLS BACK TO SHOW ERIC AND LYNN BEHIND COUNTER. MUSIC FADES. ERIC (to camera, pleasantly): Hello, and welcome to “The Twisted Table” with Culinary Twist. I’m Eric, and this is my lovely wife and business partner, Lynn. LYNN (pleasantly): Hello there! Today, we’ll be introducing you to some recipes that use our delicious line of sauces, educating you about some the ingredients, and, perhaps, showing off some of our prized possessions! ERIC (startled): Lynn, I don’t know if that’s the best idea…perhaps… LYNN (interrupting): Eric, what are we making today? ERIC (trying to sound upbeat but gritting teeth and biting back tension): Well, Lynn, we were going to make Maya Bay scallops, Baja Salsa, and Bora Bora Ribs. But I’ve had to rethink that a bit since you came home from the grocery store without enough tomatoes for the salsa. We only have one on hand. LYNN HOLDS UP A PAPER BAG HEAVY WITH QUINOA. LYNN: But our friend brought us this beautiful organic heirloom quinoa from her vacation at the Bolivian salares. Salares means “salt flats.” She was part of a culinary tour, and they were able to experience a quinoa harvest first hand! She picked this quinoa especially for us! (Anxiously): And she said we’d be very pleased… ERIC (suspiciously): How convenient. You forget the tomatoes, but we suddenly have the world’s best quinoa…I don’t suppose you planned this…I know how much you love quinoa. LYNN: Quinoa. ERIC: Quinoa.

2 LYNN PUNCTUATES THE SYLLABLES IN THE AIR WITH HER FINGER. ERIC FURROWS HIS EYEBROWS IN CONFUSION—THEY ARE BOTH PRONOUNCING IT CORRECTLY.

LYNN (slowly): No… quinoa.

ERIC: Yes, quinoa. LYNN (exasperated): Oh, you French Canadians! (continuing, slowly): Quinoa. ERIC: Oh, you English Canadians!—Quinoa-Eh? LYNN SMILES AND NODS. ERIC: Well, whatever it’s called, that’s not what we had planned. Why quinoa? (Whispering): And how did she get through customs with all this? LYNN (ignoring his last question): Well, quinoa is a really nutritious food. So much so that NASA researched it decades ago, and found it an ideal food for astronauts on long explorations. The success of the ancient Incan empire is often attributed to the fact that they could sustain their population—and that of conquered tribes—on quinoa. It’s very high in protein and contains a balanced set of essential amino acids which makes it a complete protein source. It is also a good source of fiber and is gluten free. (Whispering:) And I’m not sure how Charl--… ERIC (Cutting her off quickly): Perhaps it’s best not to say her name. LYNN: Well I’m not sure how our friend got it here, but one does not look a gift horse in the mouth! Especially when it’s smuggling some of the best chenopod the world has to offer! Our friend said that this “quinoa real” variety (which means “true” or “royal” in Spanish) grows in the area surrounding the salt flats, which is near the crest of the Andes. This area is covered in a crust of salt several meters deep, the result of a series of transformations in area lakes. The surrounding area’s rich mineral soil and arid conditions produce a seed that is 1/3 larger than in other areas. ERIC (interrupting): And what about our viewers who don’t want to venture too far off the traditional culinary path? (Looking concerned, whispering): And those who don’t wish to risk being detained at customs?

3 LYNN: Eric, please. Quinoa has quickly gained popularity in the states in recent years, but in ancient Andean cultures, it was a staple along with corn and potato. This is nothing like venturing off the beaten path. It is more like rediscovering an ancient gift from the earth, or… ERIC (interrupting smiling uneasily into the camera): one of history’s greatest treasures. LYNN (smiling into the camera): It’s best that these things are enjoyed by those who appreciate them. ERIC GRINS SHEEPISHLY INTO THE CAMERA. LYNN: And those of you without smuggling friends can simply buy a box at your local supermarket. Now, Eric, I thought we could make a fresh quinoa salad to accompany the ribs. We’ll only need one tomahto. ERIC (Recovering and regaining his enthusiasm): So today we’ll be making Maya Bay Scallops, Baja Quinoa Salad [emphasized as replacements for the other dishes], and Bora Bora Ribs. LYNN: Sounds great! Let’s get started by preparing our organic quinoa. Oh, I am SO excited! Start by rinsing the quinoa. This will remove saponins, which are a naturally-occurring plant chemical that can give the quinoa a bitter taste. In this case, it will also remove any Bolivian dust that may still be attached to the quinoa grains. Eric: SEED LYNN: Yes, thank you Eric. Although most people incorrectly assume that quinoa is a grain, it’s actually an edible seed called a chenopod, and its plant is more closely related to spinach and beets than to cereals and grains. Careful not to let the Bolivian dust go down the drain…You’ll want to sift through it for ancient Incan artifacts when you’re done. (Pleased, as if she is expecting it): Oh! Like this! LYNN IS STARTLED AS SOMETHING FALLS INTO THE SINK. SHE TAKES A QUICK LOOK. ERIC (surprised and excited): Lynn, is that what I think it is? ERIC BECOMES NERVOUS AND TRIES TO HIDE THE OBJECT. ERIC (nervously in front of the camera): Maybe. Probably not. No.

4 LYNN PICKS UP A DIRT-CRUSTED GOLD IMPLEMENT FROM THE SINK AND HOLDS IT UP FOR THE CAMERA. IT IS ABSURDLY BIG TO BE HIDING IN A BAG OF QUINOA. LYNN (to the camera): In the ancient Incan civilization, quinoa was a sacred crop. They had religious festivals where they made an offering of quinoa to the sun god by putting it in a gold fountain. In Cuzco, they worshipped entombed quinoa seeds as the progenitors of their city. (Slowly but excitedly, so that the audience follows her train of thought): And our friend tells us that each year, they used a special gold tool to ceremoniously make the first furrow of that year’s planting! Eric, I do believe this is… ERIC: Lynn, I’m sure it’s just a piece of scrap metal. Surely our friend would not have smuggled rare and valuable ancient artifacts into the country for us, under the guise of simple local delicacies….Let me put that away, Lynn. Let’s get cooking. THE CAMERA FOLLOWS AS ERIC OPENS THE DOOR TO A PANTRY FILLED WITH OLD, RARE RELICS FROM AROUND THE WORLD—A CHALICE THAT LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE THE HOLY GRAIL, A CHEST RESEMBLING THE ARK OF THE COVENANT, VARIOUS TREASURES AND RELICS, A MUMMY, AN OPULENT SWORD, ETC. HE TRIES TO OPEN THE DOOR DISCRETELY AND CLOSE IT QUICKLY, BUT SOMETHING FALLS FROM A SHELF, ALLOWING THE CAMERA A GLIMPSE OF THE TREASURES. ERIC PUTS THE GOLD IMPLEMENT CAREFULLY ON A SHELF, PICKS UP WHAT HAS FALLEN AND CLOSES THE DOOR QUICKLY. LYNN: As I was saying, rinse the terra de Bolivia from your quinoa seeds. Boil the quinoa for 10 minutes, rinse, and send to Patagonia to cool. That’s where Bolivia sends its quinoa to chill, but if you’re in a time-bind, an American nippy box will do. You’ll end up with about 2 or 3 cups of light, fluffy, chenopod.

5 ERIC (enthusiastically): Okay, I’ve got the Bora Bora ribs in the oven already, so let’s check in on these pristine porcine pieces. I strongly believe in buying high-quality, natural meat. If your body is a temple, why gorge yourself with the nutritional equivalents of junkies and tramps when you can enjoy the meat of fresh, clean, virgin pork ribs? ERIC OPENS OVEN AND PULLS OUT A PAN OF RIBS. CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON RIBS. ERIC (continuing): For me, making ribs is a little bit of a religious experience…. A BRIGHT LIGHT SHINES DOWN ON THE PAN OF RIBS AND MUSIC LIKE A CHOIR OF ANGELS RINGS OUT BRIEFLY, THEN STOPS QUICKLY WITH A WAVE OF ERIC’S HAND. THE LIGHT GOES OUT. ERIC (continuing):...Like religion and politics, cooking methods for ribs can polarize people. But I think—whether you prefer to slow bake, boil, steam, or use some combination—we’re all united by our love of meat…so can’t we all just get along?...What I did with these is pretty easy and it’ll turn ordinary ribs into heavenly ribs. If you have a favorite way to prepare ribs, you can just use the Bora Bora as a finishing sauce, but this is the way I find works best. Now the Culinary Twist Bora Bora sauce is what you’d get if the holy trinity of sauces—chutney, steak sauce, and barbeque sauce—had a baby. LYNN (disgusted): Now that’s a controversial statement. ERIC: But a delicious result. ERIC CLOSES THE OVEN DOOR AND STEPS OVER TO A SECOND, UNPREPARED, RACK OF RIBS ON THE COUNTER. ERIC: Start by disrobing the ribs of their membrane. ERIC SLIPS A KNIFE UNDER THE MEMBRANE AND STARTS TO PEEL THE SKIN OFF, HOLDING ON WITH A PAPER TOWEL. LYNN CRINGES. ERIC PUTS SARAN WRAP FROM THE RIBS OVER LYNN’S OPEN MOUTH. HE BRUSHES SAUCE OVER THE WRAP TO SHOW THAT NOTHING PENETRATES THE FILM. LYNN TRIES TO PROTEST IN A MUFFLED VOICE.

LYNN: Eric, why are you removing this? ERIC: Well, dear. This membrane is like a plastic film and prevents the meat from benefiting from the sauce. Tell me, are the flavors sinking in?

6 LYNN SHAKES HER HEAD, PEELS PLASTIC WRAP AWAY, TIDIES HER HAIR AND FACE. LYNN: I see. ERIC: Now that the ribs are disrobed, place them in a shallow dish and lather on some Culinary Twist Bora Bora sauce on both sides. This is a sauce that’s tangy and bold, but a little bit fruity too. It’s perfect for any type of meat, even veggies… LYNN: You can even make a quick spread by pouring some Bora Bora sauce over some softened cream cheese and serve it with crackers. ERIC PLACES THE MARINATING RIB DISH IN THE REFRIGERATOR AND TURNS BACK TO THE CAMERA. ERIC: Put them in the nippy box and let them bathe in privacy for 4-8 hours, turning them occasionally, without peeking, of course. They’re very modest. After 4-8 hours, preheat your oven to 275, and remove the ribs from their tub—you can throw out the remaining marinade, but be careful not to toss out the baby back with the bathwater. ERIC SMILES, PROUD OF HIS JOKE, AND MOVES THE RIBS TO A SECOND PAN. HE THROWS THE EXCESS SAUCE OUT THE OPEN WINDOW, WHICH GETS SPLATTERED. HE FROWNS, AND THEN COVERS THE PAN OF RIBS WITH FOIL WHILE HE TALKS. ERIC (continuing): …Put the ribs in a pan, covering them with foil. Slow bake them for about 2 ½ hours. While those bake, let’s get on with our Baja Quinoa Salad. LYNN GETS A COOL BOWL OF QUINOA FROM THE REFRIGERATOR. LYNN: As I was saying, quinoa is a grain-like crop, but since it is not a member of the grass family, it isn’t a true grain or cereal. ERIC: As can be said for many people, quinoa is nothing like the closest members of its family—a motley crew of beets, spinach, and tumbleweeds. LYNN: Yes, it’s the black sheep of the chenopod family. But remember: in the ancient Incan culture, quinoa was considered sacred. ERIC (proud of his play on words): The holy grail of grain! LYNN: (To Eric): It’s NOT a grain. (To the camera):…Until the Europeans came along and forbid its cultivation, considering it a heathen crop.

7 ERIC (smiling): Cereal killers. LYNN: Eric, I said it’s not a cereal. ERIC TURNS AND GLANCES WITH ANNOYANCE AT LYNN. ERIC STRAINS A CAN OF BLACK BEANS, REACHES FOR THE CAN OF CORN. ERIC (continuing): Next, rinse and strain 1 cup of canned black beans, and drain a can of corn. You’ll only use about half of the can of corn, so put the rest aside in the nippy box. LYNN: Use the special colander, Eric. ERIC REACHES FOR A COLANDER ON THE COUNTER WHILE LYNN GOES TO THE PANTRY AND REMOVES A COLANDER THAT IS ENCRUSTED IN DIRT AND SEAWEED. ERIC: This one will do just fine, dear. LYNN: What’s the sense of having nice things if you can’t use them? That’s what I always say. (Matter-of-factly, holding up the rusted colander): This colander was used on the Titanic. I like to think that it helped prepare the last meal of those on the ship. I hope it was a splendid meal. Our friend Arthur helped shoot the footage they have of the actual wreck—you know, the footage they show on the commercials for the 3D movie. Arthur thought we’d appreciate this memento. He’s the one shooting this video actually. A HAND COMES OUT IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA AND WAVES FRANTICALLY. A MUFFLED VOICE SPEAKS. MUFFLED VOICE FROM BEHIND CAMERA (nervously): Just a reproduction, Lynn, sorry to say. LYNN looks confused. LYNN: But, Arthur, you said… ERIC (interrupting quickly): Okay, we can talk to Arthur later, Lynn….Getting back to recipe, so now you have your strained and rinsed can of black beans and half of your can of drained corn… We need some onion, tomato, pepper, and cilantro. Can you help me with some prep work? LYNN: Of course. ERIC (to Lynn): Dice up about half of that sweet onion, nice and fine. LYNN BEGINS DICING AN ONION SHE FINDS ON THE COUNTER.

8 ERIC: And I’ll be chopping up about ½ a cup of fresh cilantro. ERIC TAKES A KNIFE AND BEGINS CHOPPING CILANTRO. ERIC (continuing): In the US, we refer to this plant as cilantro, but in many parts of the world, it’s called coriander, the term we use here for the plant’s seeds. Cilantro is another very controversial topic. Especially if you’re discussing it with Julia Child, or a contributing member of Ihateciilantro.com. Apparently, there is a group of people out there who vehemently HATE cilantro. But just like quinoa, secretly hoarding sought-after international treasures, and exploring the history of food, we LOVE cilantro. LYNN: Cilantro’s history can be traced back to 5,000 BC. It was mentioned in the Old Testament, and cultivated in Egypt. The ancient Romans and Greeks used it as a spice, and Hippocrates used it for various medical ailments. This particular cilantro came from King Tut’s tomb—it was chock full of the stuff, you know. Our friend Sam is an archeologist assigned to the most top-secret expeditions. He often brings us thoughtful souvenirs. ERIC WAVES A SPRIG OF CILANTRO UNDER HIS NOSE WITH PLEASURE. THEN LOOKS UP, STARTLED THAT LYNN IS IMPLICATING ANOTHER FRIEND. HE TRIES TO DISTRACT HER WITH THE TOMATO. ERIC: Tomato. ERIC HOLDS UP A TOMATO AND BEGINS TO DICE IT. LYNN (correcting): Tomahto. ERIC (ignoring her): Bell pepper—green or red, as you prefer. ERIC HANDS THE PEPPER TO LYNN, WHO STARTS DICING IT INTO SMALL PIECES. ERIC: A person’s love or hate of cilantro may be genetic. We hope that those who dislike it eventually become extinct… LYNN: Like the dinosaur, whose femur is in the pantry. They make for excellent stock.

9 ERIC (trying to talk over her): If natural selection really works, everyone will share our palates’ preferences within the next few generations, I’m sure… Cilantro is such a delicate herb so…mistreated and misunderstood. I’m sorry, Lynn, I know this is hard for you… LYNN WIPES AWAY A TEAR. LYNN (completely unemotionally): Oh. No. It’s just the onions. ERIC: Anyway, here we are with our chopped cilantro, onion, tomato and peppers. ERIC HOLDS UP CHOPPED CILANTRO, ONION, PEPPER, AND TOMATO FOR THE CAMERA. ERIC: So, adulterate the quinoa with all the other ingredients—the black beans, the corn and tomatoes, and pepper and onion and cilantro… ERIC POURS THE TOMATO, CORN, CILANTRO, BEANS, PEPPERS, AND ONIONS INTO THE BOWL WITH THE QUINOA. ERIC: …together with ¼ to ½ cup of Culinary Twist Baja sauce. … ERIC MEASURES AND POURS BAJA SAUCE ON TOP OF INGREDIENTS, BUT DOES NOT STIR YET. ERIC: The Baja sauce is a smoky, sweet, citrusy blend with just a little bit of heat. It’s great on meat, fish, veggies—you can use it as a marinade, as a sauce, as a dip…it’s really versatile. LYNN MOTIONS FOR ERIC TO STIR THE INGREDIENTS TOGETHER. LYNN: Eric, time to stir up something besides trouble. (Snidely): Sleep with one eye open, Eric, I haven’t forgotten the plastic wrap incident. ERIC SHOOTS LYNN A LOOK AND BEGINS MIXING ALL INGREDIENTS IN THE BOWL. ERIC (whispering to Lynn): At least you were quiet for a few seconds! Weren’t spilling our secrets to the world….(To camera): …add salt and additional sauce to taste… ERIC TASTES THE SALAD, ADDS A DASH OF SALT AND ANOTHER DRIZZLE OF SAUCE AND CONTINUES MIXING.

10 ERIC (continuing): …then cover it and refrigerate until it’s ready to serve. You can also stuff the mixture into halved bell peppers with the seeds removed, and bake at about 325 for 50 minutes. You can top with cheese and bake for an additional ten minutes if you wish. ERIC PUTS SARAN WRAP OVER THE DISH AND PUTS IT IN THE REFRIGERATOR. WHEN HIS BACK IS TURNED LYNN SMILES SLYLY AND PUTS THE SARAN WRAP IN A DRAWER, ALONG WITH A MYSTERIOUS ANTIQUE VIAL OF LIQUID FROM THE PANTRY, HIDING IT FOR LATER WHEN SHE’LL GET HER REVENGE. LYNN (Smiling to the camera, while Eric’s back is turned): I know what you’re thinking, but it’s nothing too diabolical. Let’s just say he’ll have a restful night’s sleep. Or three. (To Eric): Alright! That was easy! ERIC: You know, it is a really easy dish…and it’s great to bring to a barbeque or a pot-luck, or make it in the morning for dinner that night if you have company coming and don’t want to be messing around in the kitchen while you’re trying to visit. ERIC TIDIES UP THE COUNTER IN PREPARATION FOR THE NEXT DISH. LYNN: So, what’s next? Are we on to the scallops? ERIC: Yup, Maya Bay Scallops. Maya Bay is a Thai inspired sauce that is great on seafood or chicken…It’s got balsamic vinegar in it, so it also makes a great salad dressing or bread dipper right out of the bottle. LYNN: Can I make this dish? ERIC: Ah, you want this one all to yourself—feeling a little shellfish? … Sorry, I couldn’t resist! LYNN (correcting him): Very funny, Eric, but actually, scallops are related to oysters, not shellfish, though they’re in a shell. ERIC: So anyway, begin with 12 scallops and pat them with a paper towel to remove the excess water.

11 AFTER LYNN STARTS TALKING ABOUT PEARLS, ERIC IS MOTIONING TO THE CAMERA TO CUT. WHEN THE CAMERA CONTINUES TO ROLL, ERIC ROLLS HIS EYES IN EXASPERATION.

LYNN: Be sure to check your oysters for pearls. Unlike their relative the oysters, where most pearls come from, it’s rare that scallops produce these treasures. So when they do, it’s exciting to say the least! Scallop pearls are rare, and their reflective surface has a unique 3D effect. They are often a maroon or purple color, and most are small. As I said, a scallop pearl is EXTREMELY rare, and a large scallop pearl would be quite unusual. But the seafood clerks can be careless, and you wouldn’t want to chip a tooth, so I encourage you to take a look before cooking. (Pleased, slyly): Oops, looks like they’ve missed another one.

LYNN LOOKS OVER THE SCALLOP AND FINDS A HUGE PEARL, AND ADDS IT TO THE TREASURES IN THE PANTRY. LYNN: Eric and I find little bonus gifts in the majority of the raw ingredients we prepare. Some might say we’re lucky. But it helps to know the right people. (Winks.) ERIC PATS THE SCALLOPS DRY. LYNN HANDS HIM A HEAVY SKILLET. ERIC: Heat a heavy skillet, and then add enough peanut or corn oil to cover the bottom of the pan. ERIC PUTS THE PAN ON THE BURNER, ADDS THE OIL. ERIC (continuing): Add the scallops—keep some distance between them, they like their personal space and get a bit claustrophobic—and let them sit until they are golden brown—don’t move them. ERIC ADDS THE SCALLOPS TO THE PAN. LYNN: Throughout history, scallop shells have been considered a symbol of fertility, and the scallop’s relative—the oyster—is considered an aphrodisiac…but scallops also have religious connotations. The story goes that St. James rescued a drowning man, and as he pulled him from the sea, they were both covered in scallop shells, so St. James became associated with the scallop shell. Christians from all over the world made the pilgrimage to St. James’s tomb in Northern Spain and their way was marked with empty scallop shells. Upon completion of their pilgrimage, they wore scallop shells on their cloaks. Scallops are mentioned in print as a food as early as 1280, when Marco Polo records seeing them sold in a marketplace in China.

12 LYNN GOES TO THE PANTRY AND REMOVES AN ANCIENT LOOKING BOOK. ON THE COVER, IN OLD-STYLE SCRIPT, “MY DIARY, BY MARCO POLO” IS ENSCRIBED. ERIC TRIES TO WRESTLE THE BOOK AWAY FROM HER. LYNN (reading from the diary, as Eric tries to get it away): “Dear Diary. Today, the marketplace within the high walls of the city offered the most delectable treasure from the sea. They are meaty medallions from a creature called a “scallop.” I ordered a #5 combination plate—which consisted of three large scallops, a generous serving of fried rice, and an egg roll, served in a series of white boxes with unnecessary wire handles. It came with many small plastic packets of various sauces, too much for one person to use in a lifetime. The best thing about Chinese food is that it seems to always be ready in ten minutes. They say it had no MSG, whatever that is. My fortune cookie tells me that my travels will continue….All I know is, this Genghis Khan guy is a maniac, but he seems to like me well enough. Love, Marco. “ (Pointing to the diary): Now that’s what I call a rare first edition! ERIC GIVES UP AND CHECKS THE SCALLOPS. ERIC: Okay, these look good. So, we’ll flip them and let them cook on the other side. In the meantime, we’ve had a plate in the oven to warm… LYNN HANDS ERIC A WARM PLATE FROM THE OVEN. ERIC (continuing): Now that these are done, we’ll transfer the seared scallops to the warm plate. Now, turn off the heat, and deglaze the pan with about ½ of a bottle of Maya Bay sauce. Scrape any bits into the sauce. ERIC STIRS PAN SCRAPINGS INTO THE SAUCE. ERIC (continuing): Set the pan aside while you plate the scallops… ERIC PUTS THREE SCALLOPS EACH ON FOUR PLATES. ERIC (continuing): …and drizzle them with the warm Maya Bay sauce. Garnish the plates with a generous handful of cilantro. ERIC TOSSES CILANTRO ONTO THE SCALLOPS. LYNN: Eric, what about the ribs we started earlier?

13 ERIC: Oh, they still need quite awhile in the oven, but after about 2 ½ hours, they’ll look like this… ERIC PULLS A FULLY-BAKED RACK OF RIBS FROM THE COUNTER AND TILTS THEM UP FOR THE CAMERA. THE BRIGHT LIGHT ONCE AGAIN SHINES DOWN ON THE RIBS, AND THE CHOIR OF ANGELS RISES BRIEFLY. ERIC CUTS THEM OFF WITH A WAVE OF HIS HAND. ERIC: You’ll want to finish them on the grill, so prepare the grill to medium-hot, and throw the ribs on there. Slather both sides with the Bora Bora, like you’re sponge-bathing a baby, and repeat until they’re done to perfection. Serve them with a generous helping of Bora Bora sauce on the side, and devour. ERIC HOLDS UP A PLATE OF FINISHED AND DRESSED RIBS.

WEBSITE URL FLASHES ON SCREEN.

LYNN: There you have it: Maya Bay Scallops, Baja Quinoa Salad, and Bora Bora Ribs. ERIC: Now, you can get any of the sauces used in these recipes on our website, or on the shelves of your favorite grocery store (assuming your favorite grocery store is one that’s listed on our website.) And if your store doesn’t carry it, ask for it! Our distribution is always expanding. LYNN: And if you have the same grocery store as we do, ask for Jose in the fish department. Tell him we sent you. (Whispers to Eric and smiles:) My strand of rare pearls is half-completed.

ERIC SMILES BROADLY FOR THE CAMERA, TRYING TO DISTRACT THE AUDIENCE FROM LYNN.

[MUSIC STARTS. CAMERA PANS TO THREE SAUCE BOTTLES. TEXT ON SCREEN READS: “FIND RECIPES AND RETAILERS, AND BUY CULINARY TWIST SAUCES ONLINE AT WWW.CULINARYTWIST.COM.” IN THE BACKGROUND, LYNN IS SPEAKING AS SHE PULLS TWO PRECIOUS-LOOKING, BEJEWELED CHALICES FROM THE MYSTERIOUS PANTRY AND POURS A GLASS OF WINE FOR HERSELF AND ERIC. INTO ERIC’S SHE POURS A FEW DROPS FROM THE ANTIQUE VIAL. SHE DOES NOT SEEM TO REALIZE THAT THE CAMERA IS STILL ON.

ERIC: Thanks for joining us at “The Twisted Table”! We hope your day will be a saucy one! LYNN (pleased, agreeably): Well, that was a pretty good haul today…a large scallop pearl, an ancient Incan furrowing implement…(fades out)

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