1
N.L.P. Practitioner Certification Strategies of Success Strategies of Transformation From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
2
© TRANSFORMATIONS International Training & Consulting Ltd, 2012 PO Box 35111, Browns Bay, North Shore, Auckland, Aotearoa-New Zealand. Phone/fax 0800-FOR-NLP E-mail
[email protected] Home Page http:/www.transformations.net.nz Use With Permission Only.
What if you found this file on the internet, and you never actually trained with Transformations? Score more free stuff here… Well, firstly, you have good internet searching skills, because obviously you just got one of the best introductions to NLP that you could read, anywhere. However, you need to understand that you can‟t learn to use these NLP skills very effectively from a book, and you can‟t learn what is unique in our style of teaching NLP just by reading this information. What‟s missing? - the experiences, like breaking a board with your hand, eating fire, and seeing real human beings change what they thought were lifelong problems. This manual is meant to be a backup resource for people wo know what they are doing. So let me tell you how to score more free stuff. Firstly, all the articles here are available on line for FREE at our internet site at http://www.transformations.net.nz/trancescript/ along with many many more. Secondly there are audio files from 5 days of NLP training (Introductory and advanced) for FREE at http://www.transformations.net.nz/freestudy.html . For people who have done some “fast-track” NLP trainings, that is as much as they get on their entire training. Thirdly, you can get more free material, including a whole free 145 page e-Book from our home page at http://www.transformations.net.nz/index.html . The book is called The Rapport Based Organisation. You can buy a hard copy at Amazon.com for US$20. Make sure you also download our FREE catalogue, which tells you all about the DVDs, CDs, books, personal sessions and trainings you can get from us … at https://getdpd.com/cart/buy/5526/11087/9326?gateway=paypal . Not sure if you can afford real training? Talk to us today at
[email protected] . We actually believe in the value of this stuff and we want to help you learn it well!
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
3
NLP Practitioner Certification Manual Contents
Part 1: Strategies of Success The N. L. P Model. ........................................................ N. L. P. Communication Model .................................................... The Value Of Choice ..................................................................... A Simplified Publishing History of N. L. P. ................................ N. L. P. Is ........................................................................................ Five Keys To Success ..................................................................... Wellformedness Conditions for Outcomes ................................. Frames............................................................................................. Distinguishing Outcomes .............................................................. Fourteen Pre-suppositions of N. L. P........................................... An N. L. P Model of Facilitating Change .................................... My Goals ......................................................................................... Certification Standards .................................................................
Rapport and Sensory System Use................................ Sensory Acuity ............................................................................... Mirroring ........................................................................................ Rapport ........................................................................................... Building Rapport: Options ........................................................... Eye Accessing Cues........................................................................ Predicates Sorted by Sensory System .......................................... Utilising Sensory Preference......................................................... Sensory System Accessing Cues ................................................... Representational System/Lead System........................................ Verbal Pacing ................................................................................. Love Strategy ................................................................................. Translating Across Sensory Systems ........................................... Representational System Questionnaire ..................................... -Scoring.................................................................................
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 25 26 27 29 30 31 33 34 35 36 37 39 40 41 44
4
Strategies, Submodalities and Anchors....................... Main Submodalities ....................................................................... N. L. P. Notation ............................................................................ Well-Formedness Conditions for Strategies ............................... TOTE Model of Strategies ............................................................ Eliciting a Strategy ........................................................................ Motivation Strategies .................................................................... Decision Strategies ......................................................................... Spelling/Learning Strategies ........................................................ Buying Strategies ........................................................................... Modelling ........................................................................................ Installing a Strategy ...................................................................... Anchoring ....................................................................................... Setting A Resource Anchor........................................................... Pattern Interrupts.......................................................................... Futurepacing .................................................................................. Installing a Spelling Strategy .......................................................
Language Patterns ........................................................ Logical Levels of Therapy ............................................................ Reframing ....................................................................................... Key Types of Presupposition ........................................................ Identifying Presuppositions .......................................................... Presuppositions Worksheets ......................................................... Pacing and Leading Into Relaxation ........................................... The Milton Model .......................................................................... The Milton Model: Language Patterns in Training .................. Hierarchy of Ideas ......................................................................... MetaModel Chart .......................................................................... MetaModel Practise Questions .................................................... MetaModel Memory Pegs ............................................................. The MetaModel .............................................................................. MetaModel Exercises .................................................................... Constructing a Metaphor ............................................................. Metaphor Exercises .......................................................................
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
45 46 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 73 75 76 82 88 89 90 92 93 94 95 97
5
Part 2: Strategies of Transformation Models For Transformation in NLP. ..........................
98 Robert Dilts Neurological Levels ................................................. 99 Richard Bolstad's Personal Strengths Model. ............................ 101 An N. L. P Model of Therapy: RESOLVE.................................. 103
Anchoring Change Patterns.........................................
104 Collapse Anchors ........................................................................... 105 Chaining Anchors .......................................................................... 106 Change Personal History .............................................................. 108
Submodality Based Change Patterns .......................... Basic Submodalities Change......................................................... Main Submodalities ....................................................................... Belief Change ................................................................................. Submodality List for Belief Change ............................................ Swish Exercise ................................................................................ Healing From Grief ...................................................................... Trauma/Phobia Cure ....................................................................
Parts Integration Patterns ........................................... Parts ................................................................................................ Six Step Reframe ........................................................................... Visual Squash ................................................................................. Parts Integration Model ................................................................
Interpersonal Applications .......................................... Family Therapy Model.................................................................. Five Step Sales Model .................................................................... N. L. P. Approaches to Meetings .................................................. Who Owns The Problem? ............................................................. The Rescue Triangle ...................................................................... Roadblocks / Helping Skills .......................................................... Open Questions / Reflective Listening......................................... From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
110 111 113 114 116 119 121 122 125 126 127 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 137 139 140
6
Using Reflective Listening ............................................................ Reflecting Incongruity / Reflecting Problems As Solutions ...... Solution Focused Open Questions ............................................... I Messages ....................................................................................... The Two Step ................................................................................. Notes From The Gottman Research On Couples ....................... Conflict Resolution ........................................................................
141 142 143 144 146 148 150
Time Line Therapy ...................................................
151 152 153 154 155 157 159 160 161 162 163
Elicitation of the Time Line ......................................................... Testing Elicitation and Preparing ................................................ Discovering the Root Cause .......................................................... Removing a Stressful Emotion ..................................................... Removing a Limiting Decision ..................................................... Placing a Goal in Your Future Time Line ................................. Time Line Therapy™ Research ................................................... Huna: The Three Selves ................................................................ Removing Anxiety From The Future .......................................... Changing The Time Line Location ..............................................
Values and Metaprograms ...........................................
164 Eliciting Values .............................................................................. 165 Metaprograms ................................................................................ 166
Hypnotherapy ............................................................... Intonation Patterns ........................................................................ Hypnosis, Psychotherapy and NLP: A History .......................... An Example of a Verbal Induction .............................................. Establishing Communication With The Unconscious Mind ..... Arm Catalepsy ...............................................................................
168 169 170 171 174 178
Part 3: Background Information Finding NLP Resources................................................
179 Recommended Reading List ......................................................... 180
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
7
NLP In Therapy/Coaching........................................... NLP In Therapy:The RESOLVE Model .................................... Postframing: Finding The Excellence That Was There ............ Methods of Checking Ecology ...................................................... Research on SPECIFYing Goals .................................................. Couples Coaching .......................................................................... Changing Someone‟s Life In A Single Session ........................... How Do You Structure An NLP Therapy Session? ................... Preframing Time Line Therapy™ .............................................. Maximising Transformation Using Parts Integration ............... The Betty Erickson Method ..........................................................
Other Areas Of Application For NLP......................... NLP In Health: Reminding The Body Of Its Own Abilities ..... Healing Cancer While Using NLP ............................................... The Fast Allergy Relief Process ................................................... NLP In Education: Teaching To The Right Sense ..................... A Photographic Fast Reading Process ........................................ Tapping Into The Power Of NLP In Business ............................ NLP In Purchasing/Sales ..............................................................
Examples OF NLP Sessions ......................................... Michael Yapko and Mike: Ending Depression .......................... David Sheppard and Denise: Ending Pigeon Phobia ................. Steve Andreas and Lori: Bee Phobia ........................................... Richard Bolstad and Janet: Stopping Pain.................................
NLP and Other Models Of The World ....................... NLP and Other Models Of Psychotherapy ................................. NLP and Religious/Spiritual Models ........................................... NLP Within The Maori World..................................................... NLP and Neurology .......................................................................
NLP Practitioner Assessments.....................................
190 191 204 208 209 212 230 242 255 259 263 265 267 274 287 288 294 295 304 309 310 316 321 324 338 339 342 359 362
381 Training Agreements..................................................................... 381 Evaluation Processes for Practitioner Certification .................. 384 From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
8
The Design Of The Manual The manual does NOT follow the order in which you learn the techniques. It is a long term reference designed to be useful as you work with people using NLP, over the next years, and so pages are categorised by the type of technique. Also, in designing this manual, we‟ve kept in mind that our students come from a variety of different career and personal backgrounds. To help you think about how NLP relates to the contexts you want to use it in, the following symbols appear throughout the manual. They draw your attention to items that are particularly relevant to that context, or to examples how you can apply the NLP skills in that context. Teaching and Training Personal Development
Medicine and Health Professions
Coaching and Psychotherapy
Business, Management and Sales
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
9
The N. L. P. Model
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
10
N. L. P. Communication Model
Filters
External Event
Delete, Distort and Generalise information Language Memories Values Beliefs Metaprograms
Internal Representations
State
Physiology
Behaviour
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
11
The Valuing Of Choice NLP is based on an attitude of curiosity and willingness to experiment. The people who developed NLP were curious to learn how successful communicators got their results. They "modelled" these people's behaviour, copying it and learning how it worked. The techniques of NLP are the result of this process. NLP values Choice. In NLP, leading is always aimed at giving more flexibility and choice, not at taking away "bad" choices. In other models of change, often the aim is to remove "bad" behaviour eg:
Person with "bad" behaviour
Person without "problem"
Other approaches
In NLP the aim is to give the person so much better choices, that they no longer use the old behaviour eg:
Person with expanded choices
Person with few choices
NLP
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
12
A Simplified Publishing History of NLP 1975-1992 ―The Structure of Magic‖ Vol 1: 1975. Vol 2: 1976. John Grinder and Richard Bandler ―Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton Erickson‖ Vol 1: 1975. Vol 2: 1977. John Grinder and Richard Bandler.
Linguistics P. Watzlawick A. Korzybski N. Chomsky
Gestalt Therapy F. Perls J.O. Stevens
―Therapeutic Metaphors‖ 1978. David Gordon
TOTE Model G. Miller E. Galanter K. Pribram
―Changing with Families‖ 1976. Virginia Satir, John Grinder and Richard Bandler. ―Frogs Into Princes‖ 1979. Richard Bandler and John Grinder. ―Neuro Linguistic Programming Vol 1‖ Richard Bandler, John Grinder, Robert Dilts and Judith Delozier. 1980 ―Tranceformations‖ Richard Bandler and John Grinder. 1981 ―Reframing‖ 1982 Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Several Other Books on NLP coming out by this time. The Founders Split.
―Influencing with Integrity‖ 1984. Genie Laborde
Family Systems Theory G. Bateson V. Satir
Hypnosis F.A. Mesmer J. Braid M. Erickson
―They Lived Happily Ever After‖ 1978. Leslie Cameron-Bandler. (Retitled ―Solutions‖)
Classical Conditioning I. Pavlov
―Roots of NLP‖ and ―Applications of NLP‖ 1983. Robert Dilts
―Master Teaching Techniques‖ 1984. Bernard Cleveland
―The Emprint Method‖, ―Know How‖, and ―The Emotional Hostage‖ 1985 Leslie Cameron-Bandler and Michael Lebeau
―Magic in Action‖ 1985 Richard Bandler. ―Use Your Brain For A Change‖ 1985 Richard Bandler. ―Change Your Mind and Keep The Change‖ 1986 Steve and Connirae Andreas ―An Insider‘s Guide to Submodalities‖ 1988. Richard Bandler and Will Macdonald
―Unlimited Power‖ 1986. Anthony Robbins
―Heart of the Mind‖ 1990 Connirae and Steve Andreas
―Communicating Caring‖ 1992. Richard Bolstad and Margot Hamblett, republished as ―Transforming Communication‖ 1998
―Time Line Therapy and the Basis of Personality 1988. Tad James and Wyatt Woodsmall.
―Turtles All The Way Down‖. 1987 John Grinder and Judith Delozier ―Introducing NeuroLinguistic Programming‖ 1990. Joseph O‘Connor and John Seymour
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
13
N. L. P. is... 1. 2.
an Attitude (of curiosity & wanton experimentation), and... a Methodology (of Modelling), that leaves behind
In education, modelling means finding out how excellent learners achieve their results, and teaching students how to use their strategies. Also studying excellent teachers and learning the structure of their teaching.
In personal development, modelling means identifying people who succeed in the way that you‘d like to succeed, and studying how they do it. These may be people who‘ve solved a similar problem to yours, or people who‘ve already reached a goal of yours, or are living a mission similar to yours.
3.
a Trail of Techniques
4.
Neuro Linguistic
In counselling, modelling means identifying how your client achieves success in the areas of life that they do (how did they resolve past problems for example) and showing them how to do that again.
In business, modelling involves identifying how excellent salespeople, negotiators and managers have achieved their success, and applying their skills. In the health professions, modelling means identifying how exceptional clients/patients heal and stay healthy, and supporting others to achieve the same success.
(a) (b) (c) (d) (e) (f) Programming
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
14
Five Keys To Success.
1.
Know your outcome.
2.
Take action.
3.
Have sensory acuity.
4.
Have behavioural flexibility.
5.
Operate from a Physiology & Psychology of Excellence.
Teachers frequently set outcomes for students, and use their sensory acuity to assess the students, but it‘s the students‘ outcomes which are the motivators. Teachers need to help students set their own outcomes.
Use the exercises over the first days of this course to learn about your own ability to apply these principles. Identify clear outcomes for the course, and actually check that you are achieving them. Check that you are learning how to apply these skills in your actual life.
Research shows that simply getting clients to set clear outcomes and measure their success will resolve 75% of clients problems in 6 sessions (Steve de Shazer, Solution Focused Therapy).
Some business people set great goals but lack the sensory acuity to know how they come across, or the flexibility to change. Using all five principles is crucial for business success. In the health professions, as in counselling, goals need to be set by the clients to be successful. Outcome focus means being interested in health rather than cure.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
15
Setting A “Well-formed” Outcome (SPECIFY) 1.
Sensory Specific (a) ―Put yourself in the situation of having it. Step into your body at that time. What do you see, what do you hear, what do you feel when you have it?‖ = As If Frame (b) ―What date do you intend to have this outcome by?‖
2.
Positive Language This question need only be asked if the person says ―I DON‘T want…‖ or ―I want it NOT to be like…‖ at any time. In that case, ask: ―If you don‘t have that [ie the thing they don‘t want], what is it that you will have instead?‖ = Goal or Outcome Frame
3.
Ecological (a) ―What will you gain if you have this outcome?‖ ―What will you lose if you have this outcome?‖ (If there are things they will lose and which they would regret losing, ask ―How can you create new ways to get what is important to you AND reach this goal?‖) = Ecology Frame (b) If the person has low motivation to reach the outcome so far, you may ask ―What will you lose if you don‘t get this outcome?‖ = Contrast Frame (c) ―Whatspecific life situations do you want this outcome to affect?‖ ―Are there any situations do you not want it to affect?‖
4.
Choice Increases ―How can this outcome increase your life choices?‖
5.
Initiated By Self ―What do you personally need to do to achieve this?‖ = Relevancy Frame
6.
First Step Identified ―What is a first small step which you could take in the next 24 hours?‖
7.
Your Resources Identified ―What resources do you have to achieve this outcome?‖ ―What previous experiences of success can help you create the state of mind you want to achieve this outcome now?‖ ―Who can you tell about this frame, to be a support person as you take action?‖ (Resources include external resources such as time, money, and people to support you. Even more importantly, they include internal resources such as the feeling of confidence from past experiences where you achieved goals which had a similar challenge. Internal resources can be ―anchored‖)
Final check. ―What have we covered so far?‖ = Backtrack Frame My Goal:_______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
16
Six Useful Frames REBAG-C 1.
Relevancy:
2.
“Is this relevant to the task?”
This frame is crucial to successful business deals, and meetings. It need not always be stated in this form; at times a glance at the clock will do. But as an internal question it is vital!
Ecology:
“What consequences does this have?”
Getting healthy involves thorough checking of the ecology frame. Dr Bernie Siegel describes surgery as ―cutting out the vocal cords of the unconscious mind‖ -a graphic way to remind us that people are often unwell for a reason. Getting well may require them to give up certain advantages of their situation, or confront issues. Check carefully.
3.
Backtrack:
“What have we covered so far?”
4.
As if:
“What would it be like if this were true?”
The Solution Focused Approach (closely allied to NLP in its Ericksonian origin) calls this the miracle question. ―What would it be like if a miracle happened and you have your outcome now?‖ Just discussing this causes the person to access resources they didn‘t expect.
5.
Goal (outcome) “What is your outcome for this?”
6.
Contrast
“What if the opposite was true?”
Contrast frames can help clarify an outcome and are important if the person being guided uses ―away-from‖ motivation (avoiding what they don‘t want, rather than working ―towards‖ what they do want). In such cases, you could ask ―What would happen if you didn‘t get this solved?‖.
These Frames can be used within SPECIFY Model for Setting Outcomes
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
17
Distinguishing Outcomes From Values, Problems, Affirmations And Directions
Timelessness Value. Timeless Orientation. ―I want relaxation.‖
Problem. Past Orientation. ―I don‘t want to feel nervous at my work any more.‖
Past
Affirmation. Present Orientation. ―I have the capability to be relaxed.‖
Present
Check your understanding Which one is an outcome?
Direction. Future Orientation. Unmeasured ―I want to feel more relaxed at work.‖
Future Outcome. Specific Future Event Orientation. ―By November th 30 I want to have my pulse below 90 beats per minute during all conversations with my boss.‖
I want to be happier in my relationship I want love I want to stop feeling depressed about my relationship I am a happy, loving person By January 4th I will enjoy a ten minute conversation with my partner every day
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
18
Sixteen Presuppositions of N.L.P. The effective use of NLP is based on two assumptions: 1. The Map is Not The Territory - Each person has their own “map” of the world. - No map is more “real” than any other. - Whatever you intended, the important thing to understand about your communication is what response it gets from the other person, due to their map of the world. - “Resistance” is only a lack of rapport with another person‟s map. - Maps which have more choices are more useful. - People make the best choices available within their maps of the world. - People have all the resources they need to succeed. - Change is a result of enriching a person‟s maps so they can have more choices and use more of their own resources.
2. Life and Mind Are Systems - The processes inside a person, and between a person and their environment, are systemic (linked together in one system). - Mind and body are one system. - All changes can only be evaluated in terms of the “ecology” of the whole system. - All results (whether what you wanted or not) are feedback for the system. - Behaviours give the most useful information about a system. - A system (eg a person) is more than the system‟s behaviours. -All behaviours have an original intention appropriate for the system at that time. -The subsystem with the most flexibility controls the system. (this is called the Law of Requisite Variety)
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
19
An N.L.P. Model of Facilitating Change (RESOLVE) 1.
Resourceful state for practitioner -self anchoring
2.
Establish rapport (pacing) -sensory acuity -rapport skills -sensory system use -Milton model -use of similar metaphors
3.
Sort & SPECIFY outcome. “How would you know if this was solved?” -metamodel -challenge presuppositions -set wellformed outcome
4.
Open up client‟s model of the world -pretest. “Can you do it now?” -elicit their current strategy -pattern interrupt (interrupt the strategy) -logical levels of therapy -content/context reframes
5.
Leading to desired outcome (change techniques) -anchoring techniques -submodalities techniques -strategy installation -other specific change techniques for context
6.
Verify change
-test. “Can you do it now”“That‟s right, it‟s changed."
7.
Exit process
-check ecology -futurepace
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
20
Goals For My Life (eg Career, Relationships, Health, Learning, Spirituality) _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________
Goals To Use Processes On, At Training Rating 1-10 Goal
___________________________________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
(1 = Trivial Issues, and 10 = Major)
21
Curriculum NLP-Practitioner IANLP Duration of training A minimum of 130 hours of live training, including testing is required. Training must be spread over a period of 18 days or longer. Breaks exceeding 30 minutes that are taken in the course of the daily training can not be counted towards the fulfillment of the 130 training hours. In addition, individual out of school training of at least 10 full hours of training is required. Recommended Supervision: 15 hours individual- or group-supervision within the training and/or after the testing. Eighty percent (80%) of the live training has to be led by a fellow member trainer; 20% of the live training can be led by any other qualified person under the supervision of a fellow member trainer. Starting with 15 participants, for each 15 additional participants training has to include an assistant with at least NLP- Practitioner level training. Qualification of Trainers Fellow member trainers according to IANLP Standards Abilities of NLP-Practitioner and Criteria for Evaluation and Certification Knowledge and behavioral integration of the main presuppositions of NLP Knowledge of basic skills, abilities, techniques, patterns, methods and concepts of NLP; Personal ability to utilize them competently with self and with others. Basic abilities of the NLP-Practitioner shall be: Rapport, establishment and maintenance of; Pacing and Leading (verbal and non-verbal); Outcome orientation with respect for others models of the world and the ecology of the system; Calibration (sensory experience); Representational systems (predicates and accessing cues); Demonstration of behavioral flexibility; Resource-orientation and ecology of interventions. Minimal contents 1) Rapport, establishment and maintenance of; 2) Pacing and Leading (verbal and non-verbal); 3) Calibration (sensory experience); 4) Representational systems (predicates and accessing cues); 5) Meta-Model of language; 6) Milton-Model of language; 7) Outcome orientation with respect for others models of the world and the ecology of the system; 8) Elicitation of well-formed, ecological outcomes and structures of present state (problem elicitation); 9) Overlap and Translation of representational systems; 10) Metaphor creation. 11) Frames: contrast; relevancy; as if; backtrack. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
22
12) Anchoring (VAK) and Anchoring Techniques (contextualized to the field of application). 13) Feedback: giving and receiving sensory specific feedback 14) Ability to shift consciousness to external or internal, as required by the moment s task. 15) Dissociation and Association; 1st, 2nd, 3rd-Position 16) Submodalities. 17) Logical levels (Bateson, Dilts) 18) Outcome oriented accessing and utilizing of resources; 19) Reframing 20) Strategies; detection, elicitation, utilization and installation. 21) Timeline The various techniques (Swish. Collapse Anchor etc), are working examples of the content listed above and are therefore not explicitly mentioned. Written test for NLP-Practitioners The required written test shall be a summary of the minimal contents and is a means to ensure a high level of quality. This test shall demonstrate the integration and knowledge of the following contents: 1) NLP-Presuppositions 2) Outcome work 3) Rapport 4) Anchoring 5) Representational systems 6) Meta-Model of language
7) Milton-Model of language 8) Timeline 9) Strategies 10) Submodalities 11) NLP-Techniques 12) Ecology
The written testing Is to be designed by the fellow member trainer and is expected to match his/her training emphasis. Written tests are to be stored for at least three years following testing. For reasons of quality insurance IANLP (or personnel entrusted by IANLP) has the right to request submission of whole or parts of this documentation. Practical testing for NLP-Practitioner There shall be a practical testing period at the end of NLP-Practitioner training. The fellow member trainer is free to design this practical testing to demonstrate the fulfillment of the criteria required for certification. The practical testing shall enable participants to demonstrate their personal integration of NLP-presuppositions and chosen NLP-techniques. namely: well-formed outcome and problem-elicitation; rapport, sensory awareness, flexibility and sensory specific feedback. Contents of NLP-Practitioner Certificate NLP-Practitioner certificates have to include the following: 1) a statement that this training was held according to IANLP standards 2) an original seal of IANLP (sticker) 3) a statement describing the duration of the training in days and hours 4) date of the first and last day of training 5) Name and signature of fellow member trainer IANLP From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
23
NLP-Master Level Training IANLP Qualification of Trainers Fellow Member Trainers according to IANLP Standards Abilities of NLP- Master and Criteria for Evaluation and Certification Behavioral competence of all practitioner level skills, used both individually and in combination Behavioral integration of the presuppositions of NLP Knowledge of basic skills, abilities, techniques, patterns, methods and concepts of NLP; Personal ability to utilize them competently with self and others. Design individual interventions (generative and remedial) Ongoing development of personal sensory accuracy Ecological change work with self and others Ability to shift focus from between content and form, and between experience and label Advanced rapport abilities (build and maintain rapport to each individual in the training group) Demonstration of the ability to identify the following basic skills, techniques, patterns and concepts of NLP and to utilize these competently with self and with others. Minimal contents 1) Techniques of change interventions for personal growth in business and personal context 2) Metaprogram sorts 3) Values and Criteria a) identification and utilization b) criteria ladder c) elicitation of complex equivalence d) adjustment of criteria 4) Sleight of mouth patterns 5) Refined use of submodalities 6) Utilization and transformation of beliefs and presuppositions 7) Advanced Milton-model and Meta-model work 8) Deliberate multilevel communication 9) Models for negotiation and conflict management 10) Modeling, modeling project work 11) Systemic work (groups, family, team) 12) Advanced timeline work 13) Integrative NLP-models i.e. SCORE, SOAR, ROLE The various advanced NLP-techniques, i.e. Re-imprinting, Visual Squash, Core Transformation Process and more, are working examples of the content listed above and are therefore not explicitly described. The above contents shall be conveyed by theoretical lectures, practical demonstrations and group exercises. NLP-Masters are expected to demonstrate openness to experience the various processes by adopting the three roles that are typically encountered in the everyday work: that of an observer providing feedback, that of a growth experience seeking client, and that of a coach leading an individual. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
24
Written test for NLP-Masters The required written test shall be a summary of the minimal contents and aims at ensuring a high level of quality. This test shall demonstrate the integration and knowledge of the following contents: 1) Values and Beliefs (Logical levels) 2) Systemic work (groups, teams) 3) Sleight of mouth patterns 4) Modeling 5) Metaprograms 6) Timeline The written testing is to be designed by the fellow member trainer and is expected to match his/her training emphasis. Written tests are to be stored for at least three years following testing. For reasons of quality insurance IANLP (or personnel entrusted by IANLP) reserves the right to review this documentation. Practical testing for NLP-Master There shall be a practical testing period at the end of NLP-Master training. The fellow member trainer is free to design this practical testing which demonstrates the fulfilment of the criteria required for certification. The practical testing shall enable participants to demonstrate their personal integration of NLP-presuppositions and chosen NLP-techniques, namely: Sensory awareness, Rapport, Ecological change work with self and others. Contents of NLP- Master Certificate NLP-Master certificates have to include the following: 1) a statement that this training was held according to IANLP standards 2) an original seal of IANLP (sticker) 3) a statement describing the duration of the training in days and hours 4) date of the first and last day of training 5) Name and signature of fellow member trainer IANLP 6) Title: NLP-Master IANLP
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
25
Rapport and Sensory System Use
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
26
Sensory Acuity (Calibration) VEGES
1.
Voice
-speed -volume -tone -timbre -rhythm -words used
2.
Eyes
-movements -pupil dilation
3.
Gestures and General Posture.
4.
Expiration/Inspiration -rate of breathing -amount of breathing -pauses -location in body
5.
Skin
-colour -muscle tone -size of areas (e.g. lips) -shiny?
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
27
Mirroring When my colleagues and I analysed the seemingly magical therapeutic interactions achieved by such wizards as Virgina Satir and Milton Erickson, we discovered certain common behavioural patterns. One of these patterns is mirroring. Mirroring is the process of offering back to the client portions of their own nonverbal behaviour - just as a mirror does. Mirroring is a way to imitate the high context messages the client is giving without attaching meaning for the client. You are already familiar with macro types of mirroring in your ongoing experience. An example of mirroring on this scale is behaving suitably - like not swearing in church or in front of Aunt Milly, whereas you might swear when with a peer group, knowing it will make some of your friends more comfortable with you. Another example of mirroring on this scale is dressing appropriately for a particular occasion. As a more refined example, we tend to match our table manners and body postures to the level of formality we perceive to be congruent with the place and people with whom we are dining. Mirroring on its various levels is the behavioural equivalent of agreeing with someone verbally. To mirror effectively you must be able to make refined visual and auditory distinctions regarding your own, as well as your client‘s, behaviour. The portions of your client‘s behaviour that are worthwhile mirroring include body postures, specific gestures, breathing rhythms, facial expressions, and voice tone, tempo, and intonation patterns. Matching some or all of these will assist you in achieving a harmonious interaction. In fact, by mirroring it is possible to disagree with the content portion of a person‘s communication (what they are saying) and remain in complete rapport. To begin learning how to mirror, take the time to watch other people interact. Watch children playing; observe in restaurants, meetings, and cocktail parties. Anytime you are near people who are interacting, notice how much mirroring is going on. Also, notice the quality of interaction that occurs when mirroring is absent. After a short period of time in an observer‘s position, you will know that people instinctively mirror each other. You can now begin to do so deliberately to achieve specific outcomes. Start by mirroring just one aspect of another person‘s behaviour while talking to them. When this is easy, add another discreet piece - like their voice tempo - and another, and then another, until you are mirroring without thinking about it, but you can consistently observe it in your behaviour in retrospect. The more you practice, the more aware you will become of the rhythms that you and others generate with gestures and breathing patterns, and in voice tones, tempo, and intonation patterns. Be sure to notice the degree to which couples are out of sync when they are miscommunicating, in contrast to how they are in sync when doing well with one another. The difference in degree to which a couple is mirroring before and after you work with them is an important indicator of change. Many therapists think that mirroring is the same as mimicking, and they are reluctant to mirror because they are afraid they will offend their clients. We have very strong cultural restraints with regard to mimicking others. These cultural restraints are so strong that this From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
28
tremendous means of learning is often denied us from a young age. ―Don‘t be a copycat!‖ we are chided. If we detect someone mimicking us we feel that they are likely to be making fun of us and we often are offended. However, mirroring is not mimicry. Mimicry is usually characterised by some exaggeration of a behavioural feature. Mirroring is the subtle, behavioural reflection of those meaningful, unconscious communications each of us offers to the attentive receiver. Though mirroring might feel awkward to the novice, its value in achieving and maintaining rapport makes it worth doing whatever is necessary to become skilled. It requires effort to learn how to mirror effectively: You need to tune your perceptions to portions of your own and other‘s behaviour of which you were previously unaware. From Solutions by Leslie Cameron-Bandler, Futurepace, 1985.
Perceptual Positions -From John GrinderThe 3 original perceptual positions are: First Position: Seeing through own eyes, speaking from own vocal cords (using words like "I" to refer to self), feeling only your own feelings, hearing through your own ears. Second position: Seeing through the other person's eyes, hearing through their ears, and feeling their feelings. Rapport enhances your ability to use this position especially. Third position: Observer position; ideally equal distance from and at same level as self and other, feelings neutral or compassionate for each. Refering to each person as Her/Him. NLP co-developer John Grinder points out that in an interaction between myself as the teacher, and a student, I can consider the interaction in three ways. 1) I can stay ―in my own body‖, listening through my own ears and looking through my own eyes. This is called First Perceptual Position. It gives me useful information about my own opinions and choices. As a teacher, if I just ―go with my students‘ ideas‖ then I become unassertive, and I am unable to convey the understandings that I have. I need to be able to use First Position because often I have important information that my students do not. 2) I can, in my imagination, step into the other person‘s body, and listen through their ears, and look through their eyes. This Second Perceptual Position gives me more information about the effects of my actions on the student. It also gives me a sense of where they are coming from. If I only used First Position, I would not notice whether they understood me; I‘d be preoccupied with my own fascination with the subject. As a teacher, Second Position helps me to know how to effectively explain things so that they make sense to this particular student, with their current level of knowledge. 3) I can, in my imagination, step out of my body to a neutral spot, separate from both the student and myself. This Third Perceptual Position gives me valuable information about the system of interaction between the student and myself. I don‘t get caught up in conflicts or misunderstandings so easily here. As a teacher, I can monitor our relationship, the class ―climate‖ and the consequences of my actions more objectively from here. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
29
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
30
Dimensions of Rapport VEGES 1.
Voice
-speed -volume -tone -timbre -rhythm -predicate words -key metaphors used
2.
Eyes
-movements -blink
3.
Gestures and General Posture.
4.
Expiration/Inspiration -rate of breathing -type of breathing
5.
Skin
-facial expression -pulse rate
Indicators Of Rapport FLOW 1. 2. 3. 4.
Feeling of oneness. Leading occurs. Observable colour change in skin. Words e.g. “I feel very close to you” - optional. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
31
Building Rapport: Options 1.
Simultaneous match action as the person does it. (eg body posture)
Sequential vs match action after they do it . (eg speech, gestures)
2.
Direct match behaviour with the same behaviour of yours. (eg breathe in time with them)
Crossover vs match behaviour with a different behaviour of yours (eg your foot moves in time to their breathing). Use when direct matching is unsafe for your body (eg asthma)
3.
Matching Same position as the other person (eg both cross right leg over left). Less intense; makes you seem “similar” so they can decide separate from you, eg in sales to avoid buyers remorse; at decision points in counselling.
Mirroring vs Mirror image position (eg your left leg crossed over right; their right leg crossed over left). More intense; makes you seem like a “reflection” of their own experience.
4.
Individual match/mirror/pace one person
Group vs a) Match the rapport leader (the person others unconsciously copy). d) Build rapport with previous group leaders who had rapport. c) ask the group to do something , and do it with them.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
32
Eye Accessing Cues While most people lump all of their internal information processing together and call it “thinking,” Bandler and Grinder have noted that it can be very useful to divide thinking into the different sensory modalities in which it occurs. When we process information internally, we can do it visually, auditorily, kinesthetically, olfactorily, or gustatorily. As you read the word “circus,” you may know what it means by seeing images of circus rings, elephants, or trapeze artists; by hearing carnival music; by feeling excited; or by smelling and tasting popcorn or cotton candy. It is possible to access the meaning of a word in any one, or any combination, of the five sensory channels.
Right side
Left side
[Write cues on diagram here] Bandler and Grinder have observed that people move their eyes in systematic directions, depending upon the kind of thinking they are doing. These movements are called eye accessing cues. The chart (above) indicates the kind of processing most people do when moving their eyes in a particular direction. A small percentage of individuals are “reversed,” that is, they move their eyes in a mirror image of this chart. Eye accessing cues are discussed in chapter 1 of Frogs into Princes, and an in-depth discussion of how this information can be used appears in Neuro-Linguistics Programming, Volume 1. This chart is easiest to use if you simply superimpose it over someone‟s face, so that as you see her looking in a particular direction you can also visualise the label for that eye accessing-cue.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
33
Vr
Visual remembered: seeing of things seen before, in the way they were seen before. Sample questions that usually elicit this kind of processing include: “How many panes of glass are there in the windows in the main room of your apartment/house?” “What does your coat look like?”
Vc
Visual constructed: seeing images of things never seen before, or seeing things differently that they were seen before. Questions that usually elicit this kind of processing include: “What would an orange hippopotamus with purple spots look like?” “What would you look like from the other side of the room?”
Ar
Auditory remembered: remembering sounds heard before. Questions that usually elicit this kind of processing include: “What is the last thing I said before this sentence?” “Which door in your house/apartment makes the most noise when it opens?” “What does your alarm clock sound like?”
Ac
Auditory constructed: hearing sounds not heard before. Questions that tend to elicit this kind of process include: “What would it sound like if a parrokeet was singing your favourite song?” “What would your name sound like backwards?”
Ad
Auditory digital: talking to oneself. Questions that tend to elicit this kind of processing include: “Say something to yourself that you often say to yourself.” “If you were going to give a talk about NLP, what would your first sentence be?” “Recite the rhyme that begins “Thirty days has September….” [or any similar memory prompting saying]
K
Kinesthetic: feeling emotions, tactile sensations (sense of touch), or proprioceptive feelings (feelings of muscle movement). Questions to elicit this kind of processing include: “Where in your body do you feel it when you are happy?” “What is the feeling of touching a pine cone like?” “What is the softest floor covering you have ever walked on?”
Adapted from Trance-formations by J. Grinder & R. Bandler, Real People Press, 1981. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
34
Predicates (words the person uses to describe their subject) Sorted by Sensory System Unspecified (Ad) attitude consider persevere demonstrate emit absent plain ostentatious attend to ignore display understand identify conceive fully perceive remind one of reconsider teach refer to attend to insensitive imitate equalised perceive/think intensity motivate decide unperceptive require awareness innovative can be perceived energy frequency significance meet with considering that.. suggestions of she has ability representation influence indirectly attend to… rapport
Visual view/perspective look over see through show/illustrate radiate/sparkle blank lacklustre/dull flashy/showy look after overlook show off get the picture point out imagine get an eyeful look familiar review/reflect illuminate point out/focus on look at/focus on blind reflect/mirror symmetry see brightness add sparkle/flash up see the options blind make someone see state of the art clear –as day/crystal blue/violetred bigsmall see in the light of… glimmers of she has vision image/symbol/map give the wink look at… seeing eye to eye
Auditory opinion/comment sound out hear out explain resonate silent muted loud/screaming listen in on tune out sound off tune in/click in to call attention to call up get an earful ring a bell repeat/recall instruct allude/call attention to
tune into deaf echo/play back harmony hear volume tune up hear the options deaf convince last word clear –as a bell highlow pitch long lastingbrief talk to
on that theme… undertones of …the gift of the gab figure of speech/metaphor
put a word in listen to… harmonised/tuned
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
Kinesthetic position/stance feel out carry through walk through vibrate/pulsate numb dull striking care for/support pass over/let slide put on parade catch on/grasp put the finger on get a hold of get a handful/gutful strike as familiar rerun lead through touch on/contact get a feel for unfeeling bounce off/pace balance feel pressure move/get into gear weigh the options numb hammer home up with the play solid/concrete hotcold heavylight touch base with bearing in mind… touches of she has guts model/structure pull some strings get a load of… connected/contact
35
Utilising Sensory Preference Visual
Auditory
Kinesthetic
Auditory Digital
They memorise by seeing pictures, & are less distracted by noise. They often have trouble remembering verbal instructions & are bored by long verbal instructions because their mind tends to wander. They are interested by how the program looks.
They typically are easily distracted by noise. They can repeat things back to you easily, learn by listening, like music, & like to talk on the phone. Tone of voice & the words used are important.
They often talk very slowly & breathy. They respond to physical rewards, & touching. They memorise by doing or walking through something. They will be interested in a programme that “fells right” or gives them a “gut feeling”.
This person spends a fair amount of time talking to themselves. They memorise by steps, procedures, sequences. They will want to know if your programme “makes sense‟. They can also exhibit characteristics of the other major representational systems.
Using Sensory Preference in Education In a teaching setting, it will be useful to have the flexibility to teach to all four sensory systems. This will involve using each language, as well as using processes that presuppose each sense (eg using the whiteboard = visual, discussion = auditory digital, music in the background = auditory, and activities involving movement = kinesthetic. ) This is similar to the model developed by Howard Gardener of seven intelligences. For certain tasks, though, certain senses may be more successful for learners (see Strategies later) and you may need to pace a student‘s main strategy and lead to the most effective.
Using Sensory Preference in Negotiation or Sales If I could SHOW you an ATTRACTIVE way in which you could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want to LOOK at it, wouldn‟t you? If this LOOKS GOOD to you, we will go ahead and FOCUS on it.
If I could TELL YOU a way in which you could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want to HEAR about it, wouldn‟t you? If this SOUNDS GOOD to you, we will go ahead and DISCUSS it.
If I could help you GET HOLD OF a CONCRETE way in which you could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want to GET A FEEL for it, wouldn‟t you?
If I could EXPLAIN to you a SPECIFIC way in which you could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want to CONSIDER it, wouldn‟t you?
If this FEELS GOOD to you, we will go ahead and HANDLE it.
If this HAS INTEREST for you, we‟ll go ahead and THINK IT THROUGH.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
36
Sensory System Accessing Cues VEGES VISUAL 1. VOICE
*High tone, fast voice.
AUDITORY *Rhythmic, resonant voice. May be melodious (At) or monotone (Ad). Medium tone.
KINESTHETIC *Low tone, slow voice with pauses & sighs.
*If using this system *If using this system *If using this system as a representaas a representaas a representational system, will tional system, will tional system, will talk about how talk about how talk about how things look. things sound things feel.
2. EYES
*Move up to right or left.
*Move across level to right or left, & down left (for usual right handed system).
3. GESTURE / POSTURE
*Rub eyes/forehead. *Gestures upwards. *Raise eyebrows. *Forward lean. *Often thin body.
*Touch mouth/chin. *Touch body more. *Gesture by ears. *Gesture down. *Head tilted. *Arms folded. *Often larger chest. *Often plump body.
4. EXPIRATION *High in chest, / INSPIRATION fast breathing.
5. SKIN
*Paler or even grey; tight.
*Move down right -for usual right handed system of brain organisation
*Breathing regularly from mid-chest.
*Breathing from bottom of lungs (tummy moves with breathing from diaphragm)
*Medium colour and tension.
*Flushed, more coloured; relaxed.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
37
Sensory System Use Representational System:
Accessing System:
-The system the person is conscious of. Their way of representing the world to themselves. -Assessed from the predicate words they use.
-The system a person is accessing their information from -Assessed from the accessing cues, especially the eye movements
When Accessing & Representational System Are The Same: -The person will be conscious of the source of their experiences. -The person has control over their response to the accessed experience.
When Accessing & Representational System Differ: -The accessing system is not the system the person is conscious of, so the information they access is unconscious. -The person has no control over their response to the accessing system until it is made conscious (e.g. “What do you see when you get that feeling?”)
Lead System: -The first system a person accesses. -The system the person uses as a main file to search in for information from any system. A system they access before doing the specific task required. -Assessed from the accessing cues, especially eye movements they use initially. To find a person‟s lead system: a. Get in rapport. b. While watching their eye movements carefully, c. Ask them “Think of a [context]. What are you aware of first. Is it something you see, hear, feel, say to yourself, smell or taste?” For contexts, use a supermarket, a beach, a circus, a forest, or any context where there are all senses available. d. Take into account both what they say and where their eyes moved first! From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
38
Verbal Pacing Combining Reflective Listening with Matching Representational Systems.
Directions:
Read each statement and identify the main representational system (visual, auditory or kinesthetic) used. Write a restatement of that sentence which you could say back to the person to check your understanding. Use the same representational system (assume examples are either visual, auditory or kinesthetic). For example: Statement: I can‟t see the light at the end of this tunnel. Main System used: Visual Reflective listening: It looks pretty gloomy to you.
1.
I‟ve been ploughing through this for ages now, and I feel as if I‟ve just run out of steam. There‟s no way forward from here.
Main System used: ___________________________________________ Reflective Listening: _____________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________
2.
Well, I tell myself we should be able to talk this out, but as soon as I try we just end up in discord.
Main System used: ___________________________________________ Reflective Listening: _____________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
39
3.
What you said just then really clicked with something in me. Up until then I couldn‟t tune in to this stuff, but I think I‟m getting the message.
Main System used: ___________________________________________ Reflective Listening: _____________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________
4.
Now I see what you mean! I couldn‟t really picture what you meant until now. That throws a lot more light on it.
Main System used: ___________________________________________ Reflective Listening _____________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________
5.
It‟s funny, I‟ve been trying to grasp the point of this and just couldn‟t quite get a hold on it. But after that last chunk I really felt on board.
Main System used: __________________________________________ Reflective Listening: _____________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________
6.
Frankly, her and I just don‟t see eye to eye. She‟s so black and white about everything, and to me she seems to have lost sight of the possibilities for compromise.
Main System used: __________________________________________ Reflective Listening: _____________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
40
Love Strategy 1. Think of a time that is comfortable to think of now, when you really felt totally loved, or if those words don't fit, a time when you felt highly valued by someone. Take the time to fully remember a specific time, a specific moment when you felt that way. If you haven't found one easily in 5 minutes, invent a memory (it will work perfectly anyway). 2. As you remember that time seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard, feeling physically your body at that time check: In order for you to feel loved or valued in that way, is it absolutely necessary for a person to a) Show you they love you (look at you with a certain look, buy you certain things, take you certain places)? b) Tell you they love you in a certain tone of voice or with certain words? c) Touch you in a certain way? Which of these three things is absolutely necessary for you to feel loved? Which one is so important that even if the other two weren't happening, you'd feel loved just with that? 3. Usually feeling loved is a one step strategy. Some sight/sound/touch triggers the internal kinesthetic feeling of being loved. When you know this about yourself and your partner, you can ensure each of you is able to send the message when you need it most. To identify someone elses strategy, ask them the questions exactly as written here.
This is one of the most crucial ingredients in any relationship. Similar factors are the attraction recognition strategy (how do you know someone is attracted to you?), and the two reverse strategies (How do you fall in love yourself?, and how do you get attracted?). Couples, as well as friends and family members benefit immensely by knowing and being able to meet each others love strategies.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
41
Translating Across Sensory Systems An Exercise in Triads This exercise will give you more practise using the three main sensory languages (visual, auditory, kinesthetic). The first person reads one of the following sensory based sentences. The other two people translate it to each other (ie convey the same general idea in one of the other languages each), beginning “She/he means...”. A simple roster will ensure you all get practise eg: A states a visual original, then B translates to auditory and C translates to kinesthetic. B states a visual original, then C translates to auditory and A translates to kinesthetic. C states a visual original, then A translates to auditory and B translates to kinesthetic. A states an auditory original, then B translates to kinesthetic and C translates to visual. B states an auditory original, then C translates to kinesthetic and A translates to visual. C states an auditory original, then A translates to kinesthetic and B translates to visual. A states a kinesthetic original, then B translates to visual and C translates to auditory. B states a kinesthetic original, then C translates to visual and A translates to auditory. C states a kinesthetic original, then A translates to visual and B translates to auditory.
Sensory Based Sentences For Practise I need to get a new perspective on all this! I just can't get the picture. My life doesn't have many bright spots. This is exactly what I've been looking for. My life is screaming out for something new! I wish I could tune out all that stuff. This was a real buzz! I really echo her opinion. I‟m trying to put my finger on the problem. I need some good solid feedback about how I‟m coming across. I wish I had the guts to go for it more in life. I‟m going to let the whole thing slide.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
42
Representational System Questionnaire Rate each answer from 1-4, where: 4 means: very like me 3 means: quite often like me 2 means: not usually like me 1 means: unlike me In each case, the answers are listed in the following order: ..... visual ..... auditory ..... kinesthetic ..... auditory digital (verbal) Add up your totals for each sense to get an overview of the amount you are using each sensory system. 1.
I am more likely to say: ..... “important decisions are ones that present my point of view.” ..... “important decisions are ones that ring true.” ..... “important decisions are matters of feeling.” ..... “important decisions are logical and thoughtful.”
2.
Someone is more likely to influence me if they: ..... look well dressed and have an honest face. ..... have a nicely modulated, sincere voice. ..... shake my hand genuinely. ..... say sensible and honest things.
3.
If I want to know how someone is: ..... I observe their appearance. ..... I listen to their tone of voice. ..... I get beside them and check how they are feeling. ..... I attend to what they are saying.
4.
It is easy for me to: ..... find rich colour combinations. ..... modulate the volume & tuning on a stereo system. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
43
..... choose superbly comfortable furniture. ..... consider the most intellectually relevant points concerning an interesting subject. 5.
One of the things I‟m quite good at is: ..... I‟m very aware of the colour scheme when I look at a room. ..... My ear is very attuned to the sounds in my surroundings. ..... I feel very sensitive to the clothing that touches on my body. ..... I am very effective at making sense of new facts and data.
6.
If people want to know how I am: ..... they should look at what I am wearing ..... they should hear the intonations in my voice. ..... they should make contact with me, for example shake my hand. ..... they should listen to the information I‟m telling them.
7.
If I remember a time when I knew that someone really loved me, just before I knew they did: ..... I needed to see the look on their face or see what they had done for me ..... I needed to hear the tone of voice they used as they spoke to me ..... I needed to be touched or held by them in a certain way ..... I needed to hear the specific words they said
8.
When I need to check whether something is true: ..... Seeing the evidence of something makes it believable. ..... Hearing how something is said makes it believable or not. ..... Touching something makes it believable to me. ..... Hearing the facts about something makes it believable.
9.
In learning situations: ..... I learn by seeing new possibilities. ..... I learn by listening to new things. ..... I learn by doing new things. ..... I learn by considering new concepts
10.
I tend to talk ..... In a higher pitched, fast voice ..... In a melodious, gentle voice ..... In a lower pitched, slower voice ..... In a thoughtful, steady voice From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
44
11.
As I speak, my hands ..... often gesture upwards or rub my forehead ..... often gesture to the sides of my head, and I tilt my head as if listening ..... often touch my body ..... often touch my chin
12.
When I need to get information I often find myself looking ..... upwards ..... directly to the sides, level ..... downwards ..... downwards, as I talk to myself
13.
To sell me something you should: ..... show me in clear images what‟s attractive about it ..... tell me enthusiastically so I can hear the benefits ..... let me get hold of it and feel the benefits ..... explain why it would be of interest to me
14.
I‟m more likely to say: ..... “I get the picture” ..... “That really clicks for me” ..... “I can grasp that now” ..... “I understand”
This is a questionnaire that you could use in a variety of settings. Remember that it is only a questionnaire, and your sensory acuity gives you the best information about people. Teachers have given this to their classes to assess the best teaching methods to use to pace their students. Couples could use it to check each others preferences. Businesses could use it to create a more effective team which utilises all the members preferences more successfully.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
45
Scoring The Questionnaire V
A
K
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. TOTALS
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
Ad
46
Strategies, Submodalities and Anchors
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
47
MAIN SUBMODALITIES Visual Image Number Location Distance Size Border
Colour Brightness Focus Movement Associated 3D
Is there one or more images? Do you see all of them at once? Where is the image located in space? How far away is the image? Is it lifesize, larger or smaller? Is the image all around you, or a set place? Does the border fuzz out, or is it edged? What shape is the border? Is it in colour or black and white? Is the colour vivid or washed out? Is it brighter or darker than normal? Is it clearly focused or blurred? Are both background and foreground visible? Is it a movie, or still? Do you see it through your own eyes, or are you in the picture? Is it 3D or a flat picture?
Auditory Sounds Number Are there one or more sounds? Type Is it a voice, or other sound? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Internal Auditory Voice Number Are there one or more voices? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Kinesthetic Feelings Location Where in your body do you feel it? Movement Is it moving or still? Is there a rhythm to the movement? Intensity How strong is it? Temperature Is there a temperature with it (hot/cold)? Moisture Is there a moisture to it? Texture Does it feel soft/hard/rough/smooth etc? Spin Does the sensation spin, and if so which way? Gustatory / Olfactory Smell/Taste Is there a taste associated with it? Is there a smell associated with it? From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
48
MAIN SUBMODALITIES Visual Image Number Location Distance Size Border
Colour Brightness Focus Movement Associated 3D
Is there one or more images? Do you see all of them at once? Where is the image located in space? How far away is the image? Is it lifesize, larger or smaller? Is the image all around you, or a set place? Does the border fuzz out, or is it edged? What shape is the border? Is it in colour or black and white? Is the colour vivid or washed out? Is it brighter or darker than normal? Is it clearly focused or blurred? Are both background and foreground visible? Is it a movie, or still? Do you see it through your own eyes, or are you in the picture? Is it 3D or a flat picture?
Auditory Sounds Number Are there one or more sounds? Type Is it a voice, or other sound? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Internal Auditory Voice Number Are there one or more voices? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Kinesthetic Feelings Location Where in your body do you feel it? Movement Is it moving or still? Is there a rhythm to the movement? Intensity How strong is it? Temperature Is there a temperature with it (hot/cold)? Moisture Is there a moisture to it? Texture Does it feel soft/hard/rough/smooth etc? Spin Does the sensation spin, and if so which way? Gustatory / Olfactory Smell/Taste Is there a taste associated with it? Is there a smell associated with it? From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
49
MAIN SUBMODALITIES Visual Image Number Location Distance Size Border
Colour Brightness Focus Movement Associated 3D
Is there one or more images? Do you see all of them at once? Where is the image located in space? How far away is the image? Is it lifesize, larger or smaller? Is the image all around you, or a set place? Does the border fuzz out, or is it edged? What shape is the border? Is it in colour or black and white? Is the colour vivid or washed out? Is it brighter or darker than normal? Is it clearly focused or blurred? Are both background and foreground visible? Is it a movie, or still? Do you see it through your own eyes, or are you in the picture? Is it 3D or a flat picture?
Auditory Sounds Number Are there one or more sounds? Type Is it a voice, or other sound? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Internal Auditory Voice Number Are there one or more voices? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Kinesthetic Feelings Location Where in your body do you feel it? Movement Is it moving or still? Is there a rhythm to the movement? Intensity How strong is it? Temperature Is there a temperature with it (hot/cold)? Moisture Is there a moisture to it? Texture Does it feel soft/hard/rough/smooth etc? Spin Does the sensation spin, and if so which way? Gustatory / Olfactory Smell/Taste Is there a taste associated with it? Is there a smell associated with it? From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
50
NLP Notation Representational Systems:
Superscripts: Subscripts:
A = Auditory V = Visual K = Kinesthetic O = Olfactory G = Gustatory
r = remembered c = constructed
(Sounds) (Pictures) (Feelings) (Smells) (Tastes)
t = tonal/tempo d=digital (verbal)
i = internal e = external
Examples: Ae = Auditory External Ar = Auditory Remembered Art = Remembered Tonal Experience Vc = Visual Constructs Vi = Visual Internal
Syntactic Symbols:
Ai = Auditory Internal Ac = Auditory Constructed Aid = Internal Dialogue Kr = Remembered Feelings Ke = Tactile Feelings
/
= leads to = Compared to
= Synesthesia = Meta response m
= Polarity response p
= Simultaneous non-interferring
.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
51
Well-Formedness Conditions for Strategies STRATEGY
1.
Steps reduced to minimum.
2.
TOTE model followed (Trigger/Operation/Test/Exit).
3.
Representation of outcome in the strategy.
4.
All three sensory systems used (Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic).
5.
Two point loops NOT used.
6.
External check built into the strategy.
7.
Gets outcome intended.
8.
Your ecology protected throughout.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
52
T.O.T.E. Model of Strategies A 'strategy' is a sequence of representations (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory, gustatory, or auditory digital) that leads to a specific outcome. Human experience is an endless series of such representations. To deal with this endless sequence it is useful to punctuate it in terms of outcomes. A “strategy” is a way of punctuating (putting capital letters and full stops in) the endless stream of a person‟s experience. In NLP we think of each strategy as having four main sections. These sections are called the Trigger (or first test), the Operation, the Test and the Exit. This (T.O.T.E.) model was first formulated in Plans and the Structure of Behaviour published in 1960 by mathematicians George Miller, Eugene Galanter and Karl H. Pribham. 1.
The first Test is a “cue”, or a “Trigger”. It is the event which anchors the person into the strategy. This is usually, but not always, external to them (something they see, hear, taste, smell or physically touch). It establishes the criteria “fed forward” and used as a standard for the second test. For example, if a pile of untidy dishes is the trigger for my dishwashing strategy, then that gives the criteria by which I‟ll know when I am complete later (the pile is all washed).
2.
The Operation gathers the information required by the strategy from the internal (remembered or constructed representations) or external world. It is the part of the strategy where the person “does something” (like washing the dishes).
3.
In the second Test, the person compares the gathered information with the criteria established by the first test. I might compare the look of the kitchen bench (information gathered) with the way I like it to look (criteria established at the start). I might compare the way the dishes feel physically (information gathered) with the way I want them to feel (criteria established). But I can‟t compare the way the dishes feel with the way I wanted the bench to look! The two things compared must be represented in the same representational system.
4.
The Exit is a representation of the results of the test. If there is a match between the criteria and the information gathered, then the exit is a “positive” representation (I may feel good, look for a new task, say something positive to myself etc). If there is a mismatch the exit is a “negative” representation (I may feel unfinished, say something critical to myself etc), and the strategy then recycles.
5.
The strategy may recycle by: * Changing, refining or further specifying the outcome. * Adjusting the criteria for achieving that outcome. * Doing further operations and gathering more information.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
53
Eliciting a Strategy 1.
Get in resourceful state.
2.
Establish Rapport.
3.
Associate person back to a time when they used the strategy.
4.
Ask the following questions and: (a) Watch eye accessing. (b) Listen to the reply for representational system use. In clarifying each step, take care to use unspecified predicates.
5.
Run through the strategy as you have it written, and observe for congruent agreement.
The Questions to Elicit Each Step 1.
Trigger “How did you know it was time to...?”
2.
Operation “How did you...?” or “What did you do to ...?”
3.
Test “How did you check if you had...?” or “How did you know whether you had...?”
4.
Exit “How did you know that you had... completely?”
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
54
Motivation Strategies Ineffective Strategies 1. Dictator style: modal operators of necessity & harsh tonality. (-ve internal voice)
Effective Strategies 1. Voice has pleasant tonality and uses modal operators of possibility, desire, choice.
2. Only motivated away from. (-ve 2. Representation of desirable internal kinesthetic) consequences of the task (towards strategy) included. 3. Create a still image of yourself stuck half way through doing it associated. (only works for fun tasks)
3. Create a movie through to the desired consequences.
4. Overwhelm self by failing to chunk the task down.
4. Take one step at a time.
5. Imagine having completed it, associated only (gives feeling as if it‟s done, so no need to do it).
5. Imagine completing it associated and then step out and see this dissociated, so you want it!
Teachers can assess their
students‘ motivation strategies for studying, and teach them more effective ones. In the meantime, it‘s sometimes useful to pace an away from strategy and lead to the towards one (eg ―To avoid failure in the test, and be able to enjoy your weekend, I suggest we spend the next session reviewing...‖
In business as well, you need to
know your colleagues and employees motivation styles in order to be able to help them achieve success. Employees often have different strategies to employers.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
55
Decisionmaking Strategies Ineffective Strategies
Effective Strategies
1. Inadequate generating of options: -no visual construct -less than 3 options -no exit from generating
1. Access to creative options, especially via visual construct.
2. Inadequate representation of options: -not all relevant senses used -no external information
2. Use all relevant sensory modalities to check options.
3. Inadequate evaluation of options: 3. Use all criteria at once, including -poor criteria future consequences. -criteria not prioritised -criteria considered separately, not simultaneously.
Many clients‘ main activity during counselling is learning and rehearsing themselves through more effective decisionmaking strategies.
The Naturally Slender Eating Strategy (From Connirae and Steve Andreas)
Ve or Vc
Vc Kc
See or imagine a portion of food available To eat.
Imagine what that portion of food would feel like in stomach ½ an hour after eating it
Kc/Ki Compare imagined feeling to current feeling. Which is more comfortable?
Ke Eat food or move away from food.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
56
Spelling Strategies Ineffective Strategies
Effective Strategies
1. Beginning with negative K.
1. Beginning with +ve K anchor.
2. Phonetic - sounding out.
2. Repeat word internally (auditory lead).
3. Visual construct. 'Creative spelling'
3. Visual recall as the key step. 4. Check for feeling of familiarity.
Research at Moncton University in Canada shows that using visual recall
enhances spelling ability by 20%. Looking down right (Kinesthetic) while trying to spell reduces ability by 15%. The same strategy is effective for memorising maths tables etc.
General Learning Strategies Ineffective Strategies
Effective Strategies
1. Beginning with negative K.
1. Beginning with positive kinesthetic anchor.
2. Get overwhelmed due to failure to chunk task down.
2. Chunk task down and sequence or prioritise chunks.
3. Get discouraged by comparing ability/achievement to ideal self or to teacher/expert.
3. Compare achievement with own previous level, primarily.
4. Exit problems: premature 4.Use submodalities of closure, or chasing after “clarity”. understanding to store learnings.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
57
Buying Strategies 1.
Motivation strategy. “What does it take for you to get ready to make a decision?”
2.
Decision strategy. “How do you make a decision?”
3.
Convincer strategy. (a) Representational system: “How do you know someone is good at what they do? Is it what you see, hear or do with them?” (b) Convincer demo: “How often do they have to prove competency to you before you‟re convinced?” -automatic (once). -number of times. -period of time. -consistent (need constant proof).
4.
Re-assurance. “How do you reassure yourself that you‟ve made a good decision?”
These strategies are run through whenever someone needs to make a major decision. This includes when they make a change in their life, or when they learn something new. Once you know someone‘s convincer you can utilise it to ensure they have bought the change they‘ve just experienced, the learnings they‘ve just completed, the services or goods they‘ve just considered paying for etc. For example, here‘s how you Pace The Convincer Strategy in the Selling situation. Automatic: (consider it done! They're convinced) A Number Of Times: “Here are (a number of) options for you to look at/listen to/read/walk through. I‟m sure you will find one of them looks/sounds/reads/feels right to you.” (include only options that meet the same outcome). A Period Of Time: "If you consider what it will be like in (period of time required) to look back/replay the tape/reread/go through this decision now. You'll see/hear/know/feel how right this decision was." Consistent: “You know you will never be able to be completely sure, and that‟s why you‟ll have to see/hear/read/do this to find out.”
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
58
Modelling PASS 1. 2. 3. 4.
Physiology. Attitudes: Beliefs, Values, Metaprograms. Strategy. Sensory Acuity.
In education, modelling means finding out how excellent learners achieve their results, and teaching students how to use their strategies. Also, it means studying excellent teachers and learning the structure of their teaching. In personal development, modelling means identifying people who succeed in the way that you‘d like to succeed, and studying how they do it. These may be people who‘ve solved a similar problem to yours, or people who‘ve already reached a goal of yours, or are living a mission similar to yours.
In counselling, modelling means identifying how your client achieves success in the areas of life that they do (how did they resolve past problems, for example) and showing them how to do that again.
In business, modelling involves identifying how excellent negotiators, salespeople and managers have achieved their success, and applying their skills. In the health professions, modelling means identifying how exceptional clients/patients heal and stay healthy, and supporting others to achieve the same success.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
59
Installing a Strategy A strategy can be installed by: Rehearsal Dissociated rehearsal (metaphor involves rehearsing the listener through a strategy as they imagine being the person in the story) Anchoring (the trigger of a strategy is an anchor that begins the strategy. An anchor from a situation where a successful strategy runs will transfer the strategy with it) Parts integration (connecting two neural networks which previously ran separate strategies, to create a new strategy) 1.
Resourceful state
2.
Establish Rapport
3.
Identify strategy to install, and any sensory acuity needed to run the strategy.
4.
Ask unconscious mind to install as a choice (ecology). Check the person has supportive beliefs and values (they believe it is possible for them, and they want to use the strategy).
5.
For each step, direct the person's eyes appropriately and have them associate into the task. Anchor each step on the knuckles (as a chain). Take the person through the chain of anchors, directing their eyes.
7.
Rehearse the person through the task directly, or by dissociated rehearsal (tell them a metaphor/story where someone uses the strategy).
7.
Test: Invite the person to rehearse themselves through the task, and check their eye movements are congruent.
8.
Futurepace to a time they want it available. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
60
Anchoring About Anchoring In each experience, there are things you see, hear, feel, taste and smell. All these parts of the experience are connected or “anchored” together in your mind. Any one part of the experience can be used to recreate the state of mind you were in at that time. Seeing a picture of an old friend may remind you of your friendship. Hearing music you enjoyed years ago may remind you of how you felt then. Feeling your body in a position you use to relax in can help you relax now. Tasting food cooked just the way your parent did may remind you of other experiences of childhood. Smelling popcorn & candyfloss may remind you of the excitement of a fair. We are consistently being anchored into states of mind, in this way. Even words (like these) are anchors. The word “anchor” reminds you of the way an “anchor” looks and of the things you‟ve heard about anchors. You can use anchoring to help move yourself or someone else into the state of mind and physiology you want.
Obviously, most of the changes people seek to make in counselling or psychotherapy can be understood as changing negative anchors. Many of the powerful change techniques of NLP are applications of this simple principle. Resource anchors can be used (see next page). A strong resource anchor can also be “collapsed” with an anchor for an unwanted response, so that the resources are connected to the situation they are needed in. A new strategy can be “anchored into place”, so that the situation that once triggered an unresourceful response now triggers the new strategy.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
61
Setting an Anchor (SPUR) There are four simple things to make sure of when you set an anchor:
1. 2. 3. 4.
State Intensity and Congruity.
The person must be in the state of mind you want, not “half in that state and half in another”. Precise Timing. You must time the anchor to happen while the person is in that state, not before or after it. Uniqueness. The anchor must be something that is not going to happen by accident at other times. It should be unique. Replicable. The anchor must be something you can repeat in exactly the same way, whenever you want to recreate that state of mind.
Examples
1.
While someone is remembering a time that they were curious and eager
to learn, you might make a special hand gesture, that you do not usually make. Next time you want them to feel curious and eager to learn, you can recreate that state by making that gesture again. Changing students anchored responses to learning situations is the key to successful teaching.
2.
While someone is feeling very relaxed and remembering a time when
they were on holiday, they might say to themselves the phrase “Calm and relaxed”. Next time they are in an challenging business situation, they can say to themselves “Calm and relaxed” in that same tone of voice, and they will then relax. Note that most advertising is simple anchoring (reminding someone of a pleasant experience and then flashing on the brand name of the product).
3.
Research on the use of Pavlovian conditioning (anchoring) with rats indicates that allergic responses can be anchored to a normally pleasant smell, so that whenever the rats smell camphor (for example) they become allergic. Reversing this logic, the NLP Allergy cure uses an anchor for the non-allergic response, and associates that with the thing the person used to be allergic to. The result, reported by Dr Vida Barron MD is 80% success in fully resolving the allergic response.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
62
Setting a Resource Anchor 1. The Practitioner establishes rapport with the person setting the anchor. 2. The practitioner explains the nature of anchors (assume it‟s done in the class example). Have the person choose a hand gesture to make with the non-dominant hand, as a resource anchor. Choose a time when the person would like to have been confident, but wasn‟t. As they think of this time, say “You‟d know that had changed, if you could think of that time and feel confident wouldn‟t you.” 3. Ask the person to remember a time when they had the state of Confidence (be aware that the easiest way to remember this state may be by remembering times when they were doing something they enjoy doing, rather than what they describe as “confidence”) . Once they remember a time when they had that state intensely and purely, have them “Associate into that memory”. To assist, Experience the state of confidence yourself as you talk to them. Say “Step into your own body in that memory, seeing through your eyes, hearing through your ears, and feeling fully that feeling of confidence.” Tell the person “Adjust your body now, so that you‟re sitting the way you sit when you feel that confidence. Notice the kind of voice you use as you feel that confidence.” Use your sensory acuity to check that the state looks congruent! 4. Tell the person “When you feel that confidence fully, just make that gesture with your hand, so that the feeling becomes totally associated with that gesture. If the feeling isn‟t as strong at some time, just release the hand and wait till you can feel it fully again,” Have the person stand up and walk round, feeling that state of confidence and noticing how they stand and walk in that state. Tell them again to make the hand gesture once they know that the state is strong. 5. Tell the person to release the gesture, and sit down again. Now have them stretch and look out the window, to “break state”. 6. Now tell them “Now make that gesture again with that hand, and feel how that gesture now causes the state of confidence.” Check that this works, using your sensory acuity. This is testing the anchor. Afterwards, break state (for example by having them release the anchor, take a breath, and think of something they‟re looking forward to later). If the anchor is working go to step 7. Otherwise repeat steps 3-6. 7. Later, you may repeat for other resourceful feelings if you have time, “stacking them” on the same anchor (the same hand gesture). 8. Tell the person “Now, using that anchor, and feeling those resourceful feelings [have them make the hand gesture] think of a future time when you‟d like to use that anchor; that time when in the past you would have found it a little challenging to feel resourceful. Notice, as you think of it, how that‟s changed now!”
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
63
Pattern Interrupts A pattern interrupt is any interruption of a strategy. This could be as simple as making a loud noise in the middle of a person running a strategy, or verbally interupting them as they recite a habitual auditory digital "tape". It could be as complex as the Logical Levels of Therapy process (see section on Language Patterns) in which the Practitioner has the person alter the submodalities (detailed qualities) of the internal representations they are making while describing a problem. Any pattern interupt which is applied to a strategy repeatedly will be installed as part of the strategy. If someone has me laugh in the middle of my depression strategy, and they do that repeatedly, I will start to laugh whenever I run that strategy.
Futurepacing Futurepacing is the process of ensuring that the changes achieved (e.g. in a course, in counselling) become available in the appropriate outside contexts. Futurepacing is best achieved by anchoring the new behaviour/response to a stimulus that naturally occurs in the appropriate context. This happens when you: Use role rehearsal Practice in the actual situation ask ―What will you see/hear/feel that will indicate that you need this resource?‖ and then have the person imagine themselves using the resource in that situation. have the person place the resource appropriately in the future on their Time Line. say ―Think of a time in the future, when in the past you would have had that old problem, and notice how it feels different now.‖
Teachers can have students imagine using their learning in the situations they will need it. They can even visit those situations with their students.
Healthy responses need to be carefully futurepaced so that good intentions are not anchored only to the consulting room. Visiting at home is a traditional solution to this. Futurepacing in imagination also works.
Counsellors need to be particularly careful about futurepacing, so that the gains of counselling are not stuck in the office. Giving the client tasks to complete at home is a useful futurepace.
Particularly when you make an agreement with someone, it is useful to rehearse them through the situation of actioning that agreement. This identifies any problems, as well as ensuring they are genuinely happy with the deal.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
64
Creativity (The Disney Strategy) -From Robert DiltsA quote from one of Disney‘s animators: ―There were actually three different Walts; the dreamer, the realist, and the spoiler. You never knew which one was coming into your meeting.‖ A quote from Walt Disney: ―The story man must see clearly in his own mind how every piece of business in a story will be put… [Dreamer]… He should feel every expression, every reaction… [Realist]… He should get far enough away from his story to take a second look at it; to see whether there is any dead phase; to see whether the personalities are going to be interesting and appealing to the audience. [Critic] ‖
Dreamer ―Anything is possible‖ Synthesize senses Mainly Visual Want to ―What do I want?‖ Future oriented Internal referenced Towards
Realist
Critic
―As if‖ ―What if?‖ Associate into it Multiple Perspectives Mainly Kinesthetic Mainly Auditory Digital How to Chance to ―How will I do it?‖ ―Why might they object?‖ Present oriented Past and Future oriented Environment referenced Other referenced Towards Away from
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
65
Installing A Spelling Strategy Ad Vr Ke Ve / K / Vr / K Ke
1.
Resourceful state for the Practitioner.
2.
Establish Rapport.
3.
Resourceful state for the client ("Remember a time you really succeeded in learning something.") b 1
4.
Check where student's Vr is ("Tell me about your favourite movie scene/poster") b 2 (Gesture with your hand in Vr)
5.
Choose positive, interesting words to practise (eg smart, easy, intelligent, brilliant, knowledgeable, facile, aptitude). Have client choose the colour. Print in large lower case letters on flash card with marker pen of chosen colour.
6.
Hold the card one metre away in visual recall area. Have client trace the letters with their nose, notice which are above/below the line, and "snap" a photo of the word. Remove the card from the Vr area and check the client can still "see" the word. Once they can, have them spell it backwards. b 2 (and b 1 if needed).
7.
Have the client write the word and check to "see" if it feels right" by looking up to Vr. b 2 If they identify correctly (even nonverbally) that they've made a mistake, congratulate them. After any mistake simply reestablish a resourceful state (b 1) and repeat step 6 and 7.
8.
When successful, stack b 1. Futurepace ("Think of future times when you'll want to use this successful way of spelling and notice how easy it is!") Advise to re-view the cards over the next few days and rerun the strategy. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
66
Language Patterns
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
67
Interrupting A Problem Strategy (Adapted from “Logical
Levels of Therapy”, by Tad James, 1989)
Verbally Pace Initial Problem
Build Rapport and Identify change desired
Use Meta model: “How, specifically?”
Get a sensory specific description
Elicit strategy “When do you do it?” “How do you do it?”
Puts client at cause
Temporary Agency “How would I do it?” “Teach me”
Dissociated Makes them the authority
Alter Strategy/Submodalities “Would it still work if you...?”
Interrupts the Pattern Transforms the Strategy
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
68
Reframing An event only becomes a problem in a certain context, and when a person attaches a certain meaning to it. If you change the context in which the person thinks of the event, or change the meaning they give to it, a “problem” may become a resource.
Context Reframe: 1. Resourceful state 2. Establish Rapport 3. The person states their problem in the form: “I‟m too...” or “He‟s too...” 4. Each practitioner in turn thinks of a different context in which the person will respond differently to the same behaviour, and then... a) Paces the problem. “So you‟re too...” b) Offers a reframe. “I think that would be really useful when...” c) Listens to and accepts the person‟s response.
Meaning Reframe: 1. Resourceful state 2. Establish Rapport 3. The person states their problem in the form: “When X happens, it means Y.” 4. Each practitioner in turn asks themself, “What else could this behaviour mean?” or internally thinks of an opposite frame, or a different meaning. “What is it that this person hasn‟t noticed (in this context) that will bring about a different meaning, and change his/her response?”, and then... a) Paces the problem. “So when X happens you thought it meant Y.” b) Offers a reframe. “I think it could mean...” c) Listens to and accepts the person‟s response.
Examples of Reframing
A key task of teaching is to reframe ―mistakes‖ as valuable learning experiences, and the feedback that enables success to occur.
The presuppositions of NLP (eg that a person is ―at cause‖ with their problem) are reframes.
Successful business positioning involves reframing eg ―We‘re the number 2 Car hire company, so you can trust us to try harder‖.
Successful health care involves reframing health as something we influence, and as a positive state.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
69
Key Types of Presupposition
1.
Existence.
2.
Possibility.
3.
Cause - effect or Complex Equivalence.
4.
Time or Ordinal.
5.
Awareness.
6.
Adverb/Adjective.
7.
OR (Inclusive/exclusive).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
70
Identifying Natural Language Presuppositions In English 1.
SIMPLE PRESUPPOSITIONS. These are syntactic environments in which the existence of some entity is required for the sentence to make sense (to be either true or false). (a) Proper Names. (George Smith left the party early.) > (There exists someone named George Smith) where > means presupposes (b) Pronouns. Her, Him, they (I saw him leave.) > (There exists some male [i.e., him]) (c) Definite Descriptions. (I liked the women with the silver earrings.) > (There exists a woman with silver earrings). (d) Generic Noun Phrases. Noun arguments standing for a whole class. (If wombats have no trees to climb in, they are sad.) > (There are wombats.) (e) Some Quantifiers. All, each, every, some, many, few, none. (If some of the dragons show up, I‟m leaving.) > (There are dragons.)
2.
COMPLEX PRESUPPOSITIONS. Cases in which more than the simple existence of an element is presupposed.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
71
(a) Relative Clauses. Complex noun arguments, with a noun followed by a phrase beginning with who, which, or that. (Several of the women who had spoken to you left the shop.) > (Several women had spoken to you.) (b) Subordinate Clauses of Time. Clauses identified by the cue words before, after, during, as, since, prior, when, while (If the judge was home when I stopped by her house, she didn‟t answer her door.) > (I stopped by the judge‟s house.) (c) Cleft Sentence. Sentences beginning with It {was/is} noun argument, (It was the extra pressure which shattered the window.) > (Something shattered the window.) (d) Pseudo-Cleft Sentences. Identified by the form, What [Sentence] is [sentence] (What Sharon hopes to do is to become well liked.) > (Sharon hopes to do something.) (e) Stressed Sentences. Voice stress (If Margaret has talked to THE POLICE, we‟re finished.) > (Margaret has talked to someone.) (f) Complex Adjectives. New, old, former, present, previous (If Fredo wears his new ring, I‟ll be blown away.) > (Fredo had/has an old ring.) (g) Ordinal Numerals. First, second, third, fourth, another. (If you can find a third clue in this letter, I‟ll make you a mosquito pie.) > (There are two clues already found.) (h) Comparatives. -er, more, less (If you know better riders than Sue does, tell me who they are.) > (Sue knows [at least] one rider.) (If you know better riders than Sue is, tell me who they are.) > (Sue is a rider.) From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
72
(i) Comparative As. As x as .... (If her daughter is as funny as her husband is, we‟ll all enjoy ourselves.) > (Her husband is funny.) (j) Repetitive Cue Words. Too, also, either, again, back. (If she tells me that again , I‟ll kiss her.) > (She has told me that before.) (k) Repetitive Verbs and Adverbs. Verbs and adverbs beginning with re-, e.g., repeatedly, return, restore, retell, replace, renew, (If he returns before I leave, I want to talk to him.) > (He has been here before.) (l) Qualifiers. Only, even, except, just (Only Amy saw the bank robbers.) > (Amy saw the bank robbers.) (m) Change-of-Place Verbs. Come, go, leave, arrive, depart, enter (If Sam has left home, he is lost.) > (Sam has been at home.) (n) Change-of-Time Verbs and Adverbs. Begin, end, stop, start, continue, proceed, already, yet, still, anymore (My bet is that harry will continue to smile.) > (Harry has been smiling.) (o) Change-of-State Verbs. Change, transform, turn into, become (If Mae turns into a hippie, I‟ll be surprised.) > (Mae is not now a hippie.) (p) Factive Verbs and Adjectives. Odd, aware, know, realise, regret (It is odd that she called Maxine at midnight.) > (she called Maxine at midnight.) (q) Commentary Adjectives & Adverbs. Lucky, fortunately, far out, out of sight, groovy, bitchin, .... innocently, happily, necessarily (It‟s far out that you understand your dog‟s feelings.) > (You understand your dog‟s feelings.) From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
73
(r) Counterfactual Conditional Clauses. Verbs having subjunctive tense. (If you had listened to me and your father, you wouldn‟t be in the wonderful position you‟re in now.) > (You didn‟t listen to me and your father.) (s) Contrary-to-Expectation. Should. (If you should [happen to ] decide you want to talk to me, I‟ll be hanging out in the city dump.) > ( I don‟t expect you want to talk to me.) (t) Selectional Restrictions. (If my professor gets pregnant, I‟ll be disappointed.) > (My professor is a woman.) (u) Questions. (Who ate the tapes?) > (Someone ate the tapes.) (I want to know who ate the tapes.) > (Someone ate the tapes.) (v) Negative Questions. (Didn‟t you want to talk to me?) > (I thought that you wanted to talk to me.) (w) Rhetorical Questions. (Who cares whether you show up or not?) > (Nobody cares whether you show up or not.) (x) Spurious Not. (I wonder if you‟re not being a little unfair.) > (I think that you‟re being unfair.)
From “The Structure of Magic Vol. 1 - Richard Bandler & John Grinder.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
74
Presuppositions Worksheet A Read each of the following 5 statements. In each case identify which of the next sentences are presuppositions made by the person speaking (P), and which are guesses about the person - mind readings a listener might make, which are not presupposed in the words said (MR). Put a “P” or an “MR” next to each one. 1.
A woman says to you, “I‟m not sure when my husband stopped loving me.” -----------------
2.
He feels put down. He wants her to apologise more. She sometimes upsets him. It‟s not easy being in love.
A. B. C. D.
He doesn‟t have a decent job now. She told him to do something. He never listens. He could have a decent job.
A man says to you, “Now I know why I‟ve never been to a counsellor before!” -----------------
5.
A. B. C. D.
A woman says to her brother, “If you‟d done what I told you to, you‟d have a decent job by now.” -----------------
4.
She has a husband. Her husband is being insensitive. Her husband used to love her. She wants a divorce.
A man says to you about his girlfriend, “I don‟t see why I should apologise. She never does when she upsets me.” -----------------
3.
A. B. C. D.
A. B. C. D.
He has never been to a counsellor before. He knows something he didn‟t know at another time. He is a resistant client. He doesn‟t want to go to a counsellor again.
A woman says to you, “If I don‟t learn how to be more assertive, I‟ll never get the job I want.” -----------------
A. B. C. D.
She feels worried. She wants a job. She wants to be more assertive. It‟s possible to learn how to be more assertive.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
75
Presuppositions Worksheet B Read each of the following 10 statements and identify a significant presupposition in each. 1.
Why doesn‟t anyone care about me?
2.
I realise that it‟s always difficult for my son, since he‟s an only child.
3.
I always seem to meet the sort of women who have no feelings.
4.
I‟m really disappointed that you haven‟t solved my problem.
5.
Will this session be as difficult as the last one?
6.
I don‟t know how I let him do that.
7.
If you‟re as pushy as my last counsellor, we‟ll get nowhere.
8.
The next time someone treats me like dirt, I‟ll punch their lights out.
9.
When is someone going to sort out my life for me.
10.
I wonder if tonight‟s dinner will be a rice dish or pasta.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
76
Pacing and Leading Into Relaxation Using Sensory Overlapping 1. Resourceful state 2. Establish full rapport. 3. The Practitioner makes a series of statements as in the examples below, gradually slowing down their voice, as they and the client relax. Vary the senses you pace in. Begin by using several paces before moving through a cause and effect to a mind read. Later you can follow one pace with several mind reads. eg... a) four paces + one mind read b) three paces + two mind reads c) two paces + three mind reads d) one pace + four mind reads
Sensory specific Pacing (VAK) You can hear the sound of my voice... You can see the colours on the carpet... (if the person‟s eyes are closed, only describe what they see with eyes closed!) You can feel the weight of your left hand... You can hear the sound of others moving in the room...
Cause and Effect or Complex Equivalence ...and that means... ...which has the result that... ...and so... ...as a result of which...
Mind Read of Relaxation ...you can relax. ...you might begin to slow down inside. ...your mind may drift off into a daydream. ...you could develop a deepening sense of comfort. ...you can really enjoy the calmness inside.
4. Invite the person to wake up, come back to the room, and be ready to tell you how they found it. Sensory overlapping means starting in one sensory system and shifting to another (eg starting in the sensory system a person is most familiar with and overlapping into one they use less). A five minute relaxation session at the start of a learning session has been shown to increase student memory by 25%. A good teacher is an effective hypnotist!
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
77
The Milton Model: Hypnotic Language Patterns DISTORTIONS: 1.
Presuppositions. Things which have to be assumed for the sentence to be understood. “Do you want to change quickly or slowly?” “Have you noticed all the things you‟re learning?”
2.
Mind Reading. Claiming to know the thoughts or feelings of another without explaining how you know. “You may be wondering about trance” “As you sit there you‟re aware of your feet”
3.
Lost Performative. Value judgements in which the person who performs the judgement is not mentioned (is “lost”). “And its appropriate to be aware of that” “It‟s a good thing to relax”
4.
Cause & Effect. Suggesting that something which happens causes something else (past, present or future tense). “Reading these words makes you relax” “When you breathe out all the tension will leave your body”
5.
Complex Equivalence. Two things (usually happening at the same time) are said to be equivalent: one means the other. “Noticing your breathing means you‟re beginning to relax” “If you‟re listening to this, then you‟re in a trance”
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
78
GENERALISATIONS: 6.
Universal Quantifiers. Words such as “all, every, always, never, everyone” which make universal generalisations. “Every breath takes you deeper into trance” “Just relax all the way down”
7.
Modal Operators. Words describing necessity or possibility, such as “must, mustn‟t, can, can‟t, have to.” “And you can really enjoy your new learnings” “A person has to let things go sometimes”
DELETIONS: 8.
Nominalisations. Words which describe a process as if it was a thing. “Each new learning creates more satisfaction and more wisdom” “Good communication requires relaxation”
9.
Unspecified Verbs. (All verbs are somewhat unspecified). A verb which doesn‟t tell you what happened in a sensory specific way. “You‟re growing in many new ways” “Continue to relax and slow down, and learn new things”
10. Simple Deletion. A section of the sentence is missing. “You may be curious” “Remember a time when you were spoken to pleasantly”
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
79
11. Lack of Referential Index. The noun being talked about is so totally generalised that it doesn‟t specify any one thing, doesn‟t refer to any one thing. “People can learn easily when they relax” “This is an enjoyable experience” “Certain memories can surprise and delight you”
12. Comparative Deletions. The sentence doesn‟t explain what something is being compared to. “You can go deeper into trance now” “Allow yourself to think less but enjoy more”
PACING: 13. Pacing the Clients Experience. Describing the client‟s undeniable experience (often followed by a cause-effect pattern, a complex equivalence, or a simple suggestion. “You can hear my voice slowing down, so you can relax now” “It‟s such a warm, comfortable day, you can go into a trance easily”
14. Utilisation. Using any client comments or other incidental events and linking them to suggestions. “The sound of people talking outside can remind you how quiet it is in here as you relax” Client: “I don‟t think I‟m in a trance yet” Practitioner: “That‟s right you don‟t ... think ... so ... because you‟re evaluating trance with your conscious mind and its ... your unconscious ... mind ... which knows how to go into trance now”
15. Truisms. Undeniable generalisations. “Sooner or later your eyes will close” “Most people can relax easier once they sit down” From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
80
16. Yes Sets. Making a series of statements which the person (verbally or mentally) says yes to, followed by a suggestion. “Are your legs uncrossed?... Are you aware of your breathing?... Can you hear my voice getting quieter?... Are you going into a trance now?...” “After all, you chose to come here, you‟re sitting in that chair, you‟re listening to my voice, why not relax even more deeply”
AMBIGUITIES: 17. Phonological Ambiguity. Uncertain meaning caused by use of a word sounding like another word. “There‟s something to learn ... hear” “You can be aware because your unconscious knows, eyes and ears are receiving information”
18. Syntactic Ambiguity. Uncertain meaning due to the word‟s position in the sentence (usually using an “...ing” word). “Hypnotising hypnotists can be tricky”
19. Scope Ambiguity. A sentence where it is unclear how many words a verb/adverb/adjective applies to. “Remembering as a child, how easy it is to relax ...” “Be aware that you‟re sitting here able to listen to the sound of my voice and go into a deep trance”
20. Punctuation Ambiguity. Uncertain meaning due to the unusual position of a pause, or to the lack of a pause. “Your unconscious ... mind ... can relax you fully now” “That‟s right now you‟re begun to go into trance” From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
81
INDIRECT SUGGESTIONS: 21. Embedded Suggestions. Suggestions included in a larger sentence structure. These are often marked out using “analogue marking” (e.g., a lower tone of voice, raising your eyebrows while saying the suggestion) “I don‟t know how soon you‟ll BEGIN TO FEEL BETTER” “I believe I now know how to RELAX DEEPLY”
22. Extended Quotes. “Tad James studied with Richard Bandler, and Richard always told him that Milton Erickson could just say “GO INTO A TRANCE NOW” and you would.”
23. Switching Referential Index. Changing the subject of the sentence half way through. “If at first I‟m not fully at ease you can shift around until you feel completely relaxed”
24. Selectional Restriction Violation. A statement which assumes something or someone has qualities that they cannot have by definition. “Do you think that your chair is in trance yet?” “Your pen has learned so many things on this course”
25. Conversational Postulate. A sentence which sounds like a “yes” - “no” question, but causes the person to follow the suggestion in the sentence. “Do you think you can relax even deeper now?” “Could you just let your hand float there in the air?”
26. Negative Suggestions. Suggestions which sound like negatives but are acted on as positive suggestions. “Don‟t go into a trance until your unconscious is ready” “You don‟t need to make any effort to relax fully” From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
82
27. Negative Tag Questions. Questions tagged onto the end of the sentence. “You can begin to relax now, can you not?” “It‟s easy to go into a trance, isn‟t it?”
DOUBLE BINDS: 28. Illusory Choices. “Your hand may float up slowly or quickly, to the left or the right, or perhaps not move at all. In any case, let that be a sign of how much deeper your trance is” “Do you want to go into trance slowly or quickly?”
29. Conscious - Unconscious Binds. Comments which separate and contrast the conscious mind and the unconscious mind. “Your unconscious mind is listening and learning, and your conscious mind knows certain things about going into trance, but your unconscious mind can tell you if you‟ve already gone into a trance now, and only by listening to your unconscious can you learn those kind of things.”
30. Metaphor. See next sections.
The Milton Model -Summary 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.
DISTORTIONS GENERALISATIONS DELETIONS PACING AMBIGUITIES INDIRECT SUGGESTIONS DOUBLE BINDS METAPHOR From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
83
The Milton Model Using Ericksonian Language Patterns in Training
DISTORTIONS 1.
Presuppositions. Things which have to be assumed for the sentence to be understood. “Do you want to practise now or after you've seen all the options?” “Have you noticed all the things you‟re learning?”
2.
Mind Reading. Claiming to know the thoughts or feelings of another without explaining how you know. (Use “May” “Probably” “Could” etc to soften) “You may be wondering how this will benefit you” “You probably know more than anyone how important it is to...”
3.
Lost Performative. Value judgements in which the person who performs the judgement is not mentioned (is “lost”). Take care with this pattern as it contradicts the I message format. “And it‟s appropriate to consider these benefits” “It‟s a good thing to review your learning regularly”
4.
Cause & Effect. Suggesting that something which happens causes something else (past, present or future tense). “Reading this description gets you ready to make a practise” “When you see the way this works, you'll know it's worth it” "We'll have fun learning today because this is all new information"
5.
Complex Equivalence. Two things (usually happening at the same time) are said to be equivalent: one means the other. “Considering the choices means you'll want to get the best ” “If you‟re listening to this, then you‟re already learning” From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
84
GENERALISATIONS 6.
Universal Quantifiers. Words such as “all, every, always, never, everyone” which make universal generalisations. “Everything you hear adds to your ability to learn this totally” “Just consider all the ways this will enhance your life”
7.
Modal Operators. Words describing necessity or possibility, such as “must, mustn‟t, can, can‟t, have to.” “And you can really enjoy your new learnings” “I guess a person has to let old ideas go sometimes”
DELETIONS 8.
Nominalisations. Words which describe a process as if it was a thing. “Each new learning creates more satisfaction and more wisdom” “Living the good life requires giving yourself the occasional well deserved reward ”
9.
Unspecified Verbs. (All verbs are somewhat unspecified). A verb which doesn‟t tell you what happened in a sensory specific way. “You‟re growing in many new ways” “Continue to relax and slow down, and learn new things”
10.
Simple Deletion. A section of the sentence is missing. “You may be curious” “Remember a time when you were advised well ”
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
85
11.
Lack of Referential Index. The noun being talked about is so totally generalised that it doesn‟t specify any one thing, doesn‟t refer to any one thing. Careful: these are non-I messages! “People can learn easily when they relax” “This is an enjoyable experience” “Certain memories can surprise and delight you”
12.
Comparative Deletions. The sentence doesn‟t explain what something is being compared to. “You'll understand more fully how you'll get more enjoyment out of your relationships once you‟ve read on" “You could allow yourself to worry less but enjoy learning more”
PACING 13.
Pacing the Client‟s Experience. Describing the client‟s undeniable experience (often followed by a cause-effect pattern, a complex equivalence, or a simple suggestion. “You're seeing this for the second time now, and appreciating it more fully” “It‟s such a warm, comfortable day, you can learn easily”
14.
Utilisation. Using any client comments or other incidental events and linking them to suggestions. “The sound of people talking outside can remind you how quiet it is in here as you study”
15.
Truisms. Undeniable generalisations. “Sooner or later you'll be in a situation where something has to be sorted out between you and someone else.” “Most people can learn easier once they know what they want to achieve”
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
86
16.
Yes Sets. Making a series of statements which the person (verbally or mentally) says yes to, followed by a suggestion. “Are you looking at the diagram on page 10? Are you noticing the various labels? Are you wondering how easy it will be to learn them? So why not go ahead and notice which ones you can already remember...” “After all, you chose to come here, you‟re sitting in that chair, you‟re listening to my introduction, so why not take the time to consider the value of this service to you.”
AMBIGUITIES 17.
Phonological Ambiguity. Uncertain meaning caused by use of a word sounding like another word. “There‟s something to learn ... hear” “You can recognise the advantages intuitively because your unconscious knows, eyes and ears are receiving information”
18.
Syntactic Ambiguity. Uncertain meaning due to the word‟s position in the sentence (usually using an “...ing” word). “Learning states can be useful”
19.
Scope Ambiguity. A sentence where it is unclear how many words a verb/adverb/adjective applies to. “Remembering as a child, how easy it is to learn ...” “You're looking at the latest researched model, able to consider how well it meets your needs.”
20.
Punctuation Ambiguity. Uncertain meaning due to the unusual position of a pause, or to the lack of a pause. “Your deciding to do this course... can be an important step in identifying what you want for your future.” “That‟s right now you‟re begun to remember fully all the things you've learned” From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
87
INDIRECT SUGGESTIONS 21.
Embedded Suggestions. Suggestions included in a larger sentence structure. These are often marked out using “analogue marking” (e.g., a lower tone of voice, raising your eyebrows while saying the suggestion) “I don‟t know how soon you‟ll BEGIN TO LEARN MORE EASILY” “I believe I now UNDERSTAND THE REAL BENEFITS OF THIS COURSE”
22.
Extended Quotes. “Guy Kawasaki was a director at Apple computers, and he said that his boss at Apple, Steve Jobs could just say "LETS ACT ON THIS NOW!" and you would.”
23.
Selectional Restriction Violation. A statement which assumes something or someone has qualities that they cannot have by definition. “Your pen has learned so many things on this course”
24.
Conversational Postulate. A sentence which sounds like a “yes” - “no” question, but causes the person to follow the suggestion in the sentence. “Do you think you can learn even more now?” “Could you imagine what it would be like to have all the advantages this course can give you?”
25.
Negative Suggestions. Suggestions which sound like negatives but are acted on as positive suggestions. “Don‟t get excited about all the things you're learning until you've noticed how easy it was” “You don‟t need to make any effort to understand these advantages” From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
88
26.
Negative Tag Questions. Questions tagged onto the end of the sentence. “You can begin to understand this process now, can you not?” “It‟s easy to get enthusiastic about trying this out, isn‟t it?”
DOUBLE BINDS 27.
Illusory Choices “You can revise the information slowly or quickly, making extra notes or using the same notes, or even by simply rereading the sections in the book, but in any case congratulate yourself once you've done it." "Do you want to look at your notes as you're developing skill with the language patterns, or would you prefer to use one language pattern at a time after you've reviewed the whole model in the manual?"
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
89
Hierarchy of Ideas From Advanced Neuro Dynamics Inc 1989
Learning Styles Some people have a preference for the big picture, and need overviews before they can learn. Some people like to get the details first. Effective teaching cycles through these options, to allow for different students‟ learning styles.
In Trance / Milton Model Intuitor/Meta K type Big Picture Abstract
Chunking Up
The Structure of Intuition = Chunk up to find connections then chunk back down to apply to the current situation. The Structure of Craziness = Chunk down to details, then chunk up somewhere totally unrelated to the issue.
Existence Movement Transportation Buses - Boats - Cars - Planes - Trains ┌ Classes/Categories ──┴── Parts and Details ┐ Toyota Wheels Corona Station Wagon
Hub Cap Area Lug Nuts
The structure of nit-picking= Chunk down and mismatch
(Metamodel questions) “What specifically?” “What are examples of this?” Distinctions Chunking Down
Abstraction controls specificity. To get Visionary leadership, chunk up!
The structure of overwhelm and “flakey thinking” = too big chunks
Agreement “What‟s this an example of?” “For what purpose/intention?” To reach agreement in mediation, chunk up to a nominalisation.
Power Value
Specific Details
Sensor/Ad Type Out of Trance / Metamodel
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
Details are essential for planning!
90
The Metamodel Metamodel Pattern
Response
Result
1. Presupposition (Assuming things in the sentence without checking they're true) All sentences have presuppositions. eg "If you weren't so silly, you'd be happy now." - assumes I'm silly. eg "I said to her 'If you ever grow up, call me.' " assumes they aren't grown up 2. Mind Reading (Claiming to know someone's internal state or thoughts without checking) eg "I can tell she doesn't like me" 3. Lost Performative (Labelling something good/bad, right/wrong without saying whose filter-map of the world you're using) eg "It's wrong to swear" 4. Cause-Effect (Claiming that something outside a person caused their internal state/actions) eg "He makes me angry"
"How specifically do you know...?" eg "How did you know she's not grown up?"
Recovers the internal representation
5. Complex Equivalent (Claiming one thing is the same as or "means" another.) eg "He never hugs me, so he doesn't like me." eg "If we argue,the relationship is over" 6. Universal Quantifier (Claiming something is always/never so or involves all/every/nothing/no-one/ everyone etc) eg "He never listens to me""I always lose." 7. Modal operator: (Modal operators of necessity: the words should, shouldn't, must, must not, have to, need to, can't, it's neccessary to etc. Modal operators of possibilityimpossibility: the words can, can't, will, won't, it's impossible to, it's possible to, may, may not) eg "I can't tell him" "I must go now" 8. Nominalisation (talking about events that happened (verbs) as if they were "things") eg "Our communication is hopeless" -sounds like "communication" is a thing. eg "Anxiety has been my main problem" -sounds like "anxiety" is a thing. 9. Unspecified Verbs (Describing what someone did so vaguely that you can't tell what specifically happened) eg "She hurt me a lot" eg "I've really grown here." 10. Simple Deletion (Missing part of the sentence -especially who or what was involved) eg "I don't understand." eg "I feel angry."
11. Lack of Referential Index (Unspecified nouns. Not saying specifically who or what did or experienced the action) eg "They say this is true" "Certain things bug me" 12. Comparative Deletion (Saying something is more, less, most, least, bigger, smaller etc but not saying what it's compared to) eg "I'm too shy." "She's nicer."
"How, specifically, do you know?" or "What did you see or hear?" "According to whom?"
Recovers the source of the information. Recovers the performer of the judgement "How, specifically, does X Recovers the cause Y?" "How does he choice point force you to...?" "How specifically does X Recovers the mean Y?" equivalence OR "Has there ever been Recovers a a time when... [you didn't counterhug someone you liked]?" example Repeat the key word Recovers a questioningly: "Never?" counter"Always?" "Everyone?" example "What would happen if Recovers you didn't?" and effects or "What would happen if causes you did?"
"How, specifically, are you …ing” eg "How are you communicating?"eg "How are you being anxious?" "How specifically are you …?"
Turns it back into a process, an action. Denominalises the verb" Specifies the verb
"Who or what specifically?" eg "What specifically don't you understand?" eg “Angry at whom?” "Who or what specifically?"
Recovers deleted material
"Compared to what?"
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
Recovers "referential index" Recovers the comparative
91
Metamodel Practise Questions Lynn Timpany
1. Presuppositions All sentences contain many kinds of presuppositions. (yes, All!)
2. Mind Reading Frank doesn‟t think I‟m very good at this. Sue knew I was upset about the spilt milk. Not many of the students like my class. My mother thinks I‟m too talkative. John doesn‟t like me.
3. Lost Performative It‟s bad to be feeling not totally clear. You‟re not good enough unless you are totally perfect. It would be best if I didn‟t go with Jane today. The right thing to do is to use your knife and fork. It‟s not good that you eat so much fat.
4. Cause and Effect Tom made me feel that sense of helplessness. You made me think I‟m not good enough for you. I‟m only sad like this because of the weather. When I‟m with Peter and Mary they make me feel really sleepy. The way Bob said that caused me to get so annoyed at his attitude.
5.Complex Equivalence When you turn away, you‟re not really listening to me. If she tells me what I should do, she doesn‟t think I‟m bright. I didn‟t hand in my assignment and so I shouldn‟t be here any more. I‟ve never felt that way; I guess that probably means I won‟t. My sales aren‟t high; I guess I‟m just not cut out to be in sales.
6. Universal Quantifiers I never do it just the way I want to. Everyone says I can‟t change this old pattern easily. No-one knows what it‟s like being unemployed. Every time it‟s the same; John just laughs at me. All of them go. Why can‟t I?
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
92
7. Modal Operators Robin shouldn‟t do that the way he does. I must exercise more than I have been. It‟s not possible for me to do what you are suggesting. I can‟t change that easily. I have to take care of it.
8. Nominalisations His communication isn‟t as clear as it might be. My problem is my depression. My frustration is what I want to change now. Love is great to have. Can I put my learnings about nominalisations into a wheelbarrow.
9. Unspecified verbs Do it now! Simon mocked me. The Smiths really make it obvious to me. I like to relax while I learn. I find it fun to be learning and changing.
10. Simple Deletions I‟m not clear. I feel sad. I don‟t understand. She went. The time has come.
11. Lack of Referential Index People don‟t listen to me. They say you can learn easily. People like NLP. They didn‟t make an effort to win the game. They said I could come to the party.
12. Comparative Deletion It‟s better to learn this way. Cleans 20% more efficiently! Bob is smaller. I become more quiet. This sentence is even more important. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
93
Metamodel Memory Pegs Memory Peg 1. Pen
2. Swan
3. Breasts or Buttocks
Metamodel Pattern
Example Image
Presupposition
An ancient writer with a pen saying “It is written”. And you ask “How do you know…?”
Mind Read
The swan is glad it‟s not an ugly duckling “How do you know what she‟s thinking?”
Lost Performative
It‟s good to have firm breasts/buttocks. “According to whom?”
Cause-Effect
Wind causes the sailboat to move. “How does the wind cause the movement of the boat?”
Complex Equivalent
Captain Hook has one hand and one hook. The hand is the complex equivalent of the hook. “How does the hook mean the same as the hand?”
Universal Quantifier
See the universe full of a universal quantity of golf clubs. “Every golf club?”
7. Cliff
Modal Operator
A person operating a “modal” must be careful on the cliff. “What would happen if they didn‟t?”
8. Hourglass
Nominalisation
The hourglass is a symbol of time which is a nominalisation. “Who is timing what?”
4. Sailboat
5. Hook
6. Golf Club
9. Pipe
Unspecified Verb
Freud smoked. “How, specifically, did Freud smoke tobacco?”
10. Bat & Ball
Simple Deletion
The bat is upright but the person or thing holding it up has been simply deleted. “Who or what?”
11. Goalposts
Lack of Referential Index
There‟s a football index beside the bat, but it lacks a reference to the events that have just happened“Who or what has scored?”
Comparative Deletion
“I‟m the most beautiful.” Said the swan, but we might ask “Compared to what?”
12. Swan looks in a Mirror
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
94
The Metamodel The most important truth about communication is that the internal representation you make after receiving a message is not the same as the message. It has been filtered. The same is true of every internal representation you make after each experience. We say in NLP ―The map is not the territory.‖ Because you cannot consciously be aware of all the information coming in through your senses at once, you have to filter to some extent. Filters work in three ways: a) Deletion. You may filter out some parts of a person's message (such as a cough) and only attend to a few others (such as words). b) Generalisation. You may notice one part of a message (such as a smile) and assume it means lots of other things ("She likes me," or "She's happy") c) Distortion. You may twist the message in order to fit the shape of your filters. For example, if your filters agree with the words said, you may decide the person is "good". If your filters don't agree, you may decide the person is "bad". In distortion, instead of noticing that your filters made the decision, you'd assume the message itself is "good" or "bad". What you hear is twisted to fit your good/bad filter. Another example of distortion is believing that you "know" what the person's message means: that you can read their mind, when all you're reading is your own filter. Virginia Satir is often called the "Grandmother" of family therapy. When she was working with a family, she would listen carefully to the messages each person sent, and gently help them notice how their filters were affecting their communication. When John Grinder and Richard Bandler studied the questions she asked, they found she asked them twelve types of questions. Some challenge Distortions, some Generalisations, some Deletions. If you want to improve your message, and learn how you have been unconsciously filtering, the Metamodel is the magic list of questions, modelled by Bandler and Grinder (Bandler, Grinder and Satir, 1976). The point of learning the meta-model, however, is not to rush out and ask people all these challenging questions. In fact, this would be a highly risky form of communication, because these questions actually ask the person to re-think what they said. The meta-model questions are ―challenging‖ responses. They need to be used in a context of rapport building and reflective listening. The most important way to use this list for now is to pay attention to your own and others‘ use of the patterns. Once you can hear these patterns (and there are metamodel patterns in every sentence, including this one) you have valuable clues about what ―filters‖ people are using to alter their experience of the world.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
95
Metamodel Exercises 1. Identifying Patterns and Generating Responses One person reads one of the examples from the metamodel practise questions. Another person identifies one of the metamodel patterns in the sentence (there are often more than one, so check). A third person then asks the appropriate question for that pattern.
2. Generating Patterns and Generating Responses One person chooses a metamodel pattern at random (not presuppositions) and says a sentence containing that pattern. Another person identifies one of the metamodel patterns in the sentence (there are often more than one, so check). A third person then asks the appropriate question for that pattern.
3. Using The Metamodel With A Real Issue (In Triads) 1. Resourceful state. 2. Establish rapport. 3. One person says 2-4 sentences about a challenge they face. 4. A second person paces the challenge, checking they‟ve understood. The third person writes down the sentences as near word for word as possible. 5. The second and third person then move away and check the sentences for metamodel patterns which could usefully be questioned. They identify at least one each, and each choose one to ask about. 6. The two then come back to the first person, and re-establish rapport. Each in turn: -paces the person‟s original statement (“So you say...”) -uses a softening frame (eg “I‟m wondering...” “Can I just check...”) -asks the metamodel question. -listens to the reponse, and leaves the issue at that point.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
96
Constructing a Metaphor A well constructed metaphor paces and leads the client‟s unconscious mind. A metaphor is a story in which the client‟s experience is described using analogy. The events and objects/beings in the story are “isomorphic” (equivalent in some way) with the events and objects/beings in the client‟s experience. However, the story goes beyond the client‟s current situation in that it suggests the possibility of accessing resources and resolving some dilemma in the client‟s situation. Because these resources and this resolution are only described symbolically, the client‟s unconscious mind must choose its own internal resources and resolution process in order to make sense of the story. The metaphor does not tell the client what to do, it invites her/him to find a suitable solution.
1.
Get in a Resourceful State.
2.
Establish Rapport.
3.
Specify Outcome (using the metamodel and SPECIFY process).
4.
Open up the Client‟s Model of the World. - discover the person‟s strategy/the sequence of behaviours that causes the problem. - identify the elements (internal parts, external things or people) that are involved in the problem.
5.
Design a Metaphor. - You may begin by finding: a symbol for a key element (e.g., a post trauma may be a “wound”, a hoped for future goal may be a “holy grail”); an analogy (e.g., a relationship is like “baking a cake”, learning new things is like “gardening”); a personal anecdote (e.g., how you coped with your first paid job, or your first love affair); a fully developed myth/fantasy/legend/fairy tale which you already know (e.g., “The Wizard of Oz”) From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
97
- Establish isomorphism for all major nouns and verbs. i.e., find a thing/person in the story which stands for every key thing/person in the client‟s situation, and find a verb/process in the story to match every major verb/process in the client‟s situation. - Find new resources in the story, or new ways of resolving the dilemma of the story. (NB. “new” resources are often resources no-one noticed at first), so the story goes beyond the problem stage to a successful conclusion (in a predeveloped story this successful conclusion may already be present).
6.
Tell the Metaphor. - Rehearse well. - Include embedded suggestions in your wording. - You may want to add anchors. e.g., you could anchor one side of a dilemma by moving the right hand while you describe it, anchor the other side by moving the left hand while describing it; then move both hands together when describing a solution which integrates both. - Leave the person to find their own meanings. This ensures ecology is built in to the process.
Stories can not only explain the content of a lesson, but can also convey the sense of curiosity and fascination essential to learning. Metaphor can also be used to suggest new strategies for dealing with learning difficulties, and accelerating learning.
Many therapies directly refer to the client‘s issues as their ―story‖. Many therapeutic processes are actually metaphor work -eg drama, dream analysis, and art therapy. One of Milton Erickson‘s breakthroughs was to realise that all stories are communication with the unconscious mind.
The metaphors businesses use shape their success. In the 1980s, American businesses discovered that while they were using an army metaphor for their ―troops‖ in the factory, Japanese businesses were inspiring more co-operation using a family metaphor.
Stories of clients recovery and health are an inspiring centerpiece of many books on alternative approaches to health, and one example of metaphor use in health care. Another is the overall metaphor used by health practitioners (are we using ―magic bullets‖ or ―planting seeds of health‖).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
98
Metaphorical Thinking Exercise (Everything is isomorphic with everything else!) 1. Resourceful state 2. Establish rapport 3. The client briefly states their issue (Y). 4. The two practitioners choose any common everyday experience unrelated to that issue (X). 5. While the client relaxes and listens, the two practitioners brainstorm “X is...” bearing in their minds the possible relationships to Y. No attempts to analyse or suggest solutions are needed; just find similarities 6. Brief feedback.
Metaphor Exercise (In Triads) 1. Resourceful State (Practitioner have at least 2 stories ready) 2. Establish rapport 3. Have the person briefly describe their dilemna 4. The two practitioners go away from the person and: -each select a relevant story -decide who will start their story first (PractitionerA) and who second (B). 5. The two practitioners return and re-establish rapport. While the client relaxes, Practitioner A begins their story. They continue most of the way through, and then stop at an interesting place. Practitioner B then connects to their story (by chunking up from A‟s story and back down to their own story, or by saying “Which reminds me of a story….”). Practitioner B then completes their story. Practitioner A finishes off their story. 6. Brief feedback time.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
99
Models for Transformation in NLP
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
100
Neurological Levels (Robert Dilts) Environment Behaviour Capability Beliefs & Values Identity Spirit Eg Metaphor
I
can't
Eg Parts Integration Eg Time Line Therapy™ Eg Swish Eg Phobia Cure Eg Change job
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
do
that
here
101
Aligning Neurological Levels From Robert Dilts 1. Choose a problem you‘ve had, and would like to change in a fundamental way. 2. Stand somewhere with plenty of space in front of you (enough to step forward six times). Think of the environment where the problem occurs. Notice what you see, and listen to the sounds there. 3. Take a step forward. Consider what you actually do and say in the problem situation. Just run a movie of what happens. 4. Take another step forward. When you do those things, what capabilities, what skills are you using? And what skills are you not using? 5. Take another step forward. Consider what beliefs you are acting on in that situation. What is important to you in that situation? What do you find yourself believing about your potential, and about the situation? 6. Take another step forward. Who are ―you‖ in this situation? What kind of person are you in this situation? 7. Take another step forward, and remember that you are here for a reason. You only got yourself into that situation because, in a wider sense, you‘re here on earth for a reason. You may not know in words what that reason is, but notice it now. Realise that this ―reason‖ connects you to something vast. You may think of it as God, the Goddess, the universe, beingness, or just humanity. But it is a vast source of energy, in front of you now. 8. Take another step forward, into that source of energy. Feel its power. 9. As you feel that power, take a step back and notice how that power gives renewed strength to your mission, your reason. Take another step back and feel how that power transforms your sense of who you are. Take another step back and feel how that power changes what you believe about that situation you were considering; changes what seems important there. Take another step back and notice how it changes what skills you can use there. Take another step back and be aware of how using those skills, with that vast power, changes what you will do and say there. Take another step back and be aware how those actions, done with that power, will change the situation itself. 10. Thank that power.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
102
Personal Strengths Model There are three variables to consider when selecting which NLP Process To use: Client‟s beliefs about the problem Practitioners preferences for solutions Clients personal skills with NLP processes (Personal Strengths)
Structure of Joy and of most ―depression-mania‖ = chunk up + associate. eg Anchoring techniques Structure of Pleasure and of most ―anxiety‖ = chunk down + associate
eg Trance Processes Chunk Up Associate Dissociate Chunk Down eg Metamodel & Goalsetting
Structure of Meditation and of most ―psychosis‖ = chunk up + dissociate. eg Submodality processes Structure of Thought and of ―angry mismatching‖ =chunk down + dissociate
In developing the metaprograms model of personality, NLP began with Jung's categories of Thinker, Feeler, Sensor and Intuitor. In Jung's model, the terms Thinker, Feeler, Sensor and Intuitor refer both to personality types and also to skills for living, which people develop to various extents. He explains (Jung, 1964, p49) "These four functional types correspond to the obvious means by which consciousness obtains its orientation to experience. Sensation (ie sense perception tells you that something exists; thinking tells you what it is; feeling tells you whether it is agreeable or not; and intuition tells you whence it comes and where it is going." In NLP terms, four important analogues of Jung's skills are the ability to 1) Dissociate (distance oneself from experiences, seeing them from outside; corresponding to Thinker) 2) Associate (step into experiences, feeling them from inside; corresponding to Feeler) , 3) Chunk up (Be aware of the global ―big picture‖; corresponding to Intuitor) 4) Chunk down (Be aware of the specific details; corresponding to Sensor) These four skills or metaprograms (amongst others!) are essential for living an enjoyable life. They are also necessary prerequisites for all other internal processing, including the processing we call NLP techniques. To experience anchoring, for instance, you need to be able to associate into experiences. To run the phobia cure you need to be able to dissociate. To set a well formed outcome you need to be able to chunk down, and to do the parts integration process you need to be able to chunk up. When a client comes seeking change, they bring their own personal skills; ones they've developed over a lifetime. Certain upbringings support the development of skills for dissociating; encouraging the person to step out of their experience. Certain upbringings From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
103
support the development of skills for associating into and fully "living" experiences. Some upbringings nurture both abilities. It's the same for chunking skills. Anchoring processes require associating into a specific situation (stepping into an experience and feeling it from the inside). A client who is excellent at associating will generally be good at anchoring. They've been doing it already (possibly using it to create phobias, but the skill is intact). They may or may not have acquired the skill to dissociate that is presupposed in the phobia/trauma cure. If we use collapsing anchors before the phobia cure, or create a resource anchor first, we are utilising their strength (pacing) before leading them to new skills. Submodality change processes require being able to dissociate somewhat from the experience you are eliciting submodalities for. Some submodality processes (such as the phobia/trauma cure) specifically require making dissociated, constructed images. Time Line Therapy™ (in which the person imagines floating up above the Time Line of their life) requires dissociating from the experiences on the Time Line. A client who is excellent at dissociating will generally be good at Time Line Therapy™ (see James and Woodsmall, 1988). They may find checking an experience in the time line less convincing, but will experience the change from being way up above and before the problem event. Someone who "feels" cut off from their experience may appreciate healing their limiting decision (to be cut off) from above the time line before coming back and anchoring themselves to a powerful resource state. It's the same with chunking. Using the detailed NLP questioning style called the Metamodel or using solution focused questions to clarify your thoughts and set specific goals requires chunking down. The person skilled at chunking down to the thousand details of their day and getting anxious may appreciate setting a sensory specific goal before you do trancework and chunk up to some generalised "change". On the other hand, using the ―artfully vague‖ language patterns developed by Milton Erickson to induce trance presupposes the ability to chunk up, as do techniques which ask for the purpose or ―higher intention‖ of your behaviour. A client who gets depressed because "everything" is hopeless may find it easier to use parts integration before setting specific goals. As an NLP Practitioner, you'll discover that some techniques work better with certain clients. It's not random. Clients have strengths. This four-skill model is one method for "diagnosing" those strengths. Some clients can do everything you suggest easily; that's great -they have all four skills. What all this means is that when a client steps into your office and tells you they have a ―problem‖, they are describing a skill they have. As you listen to how they describe their difficulty, they will either say it affects everything, or it affects specific things. They will say either that they feel intensely or that they have difficulty identifying their feelings. In any case, they are telling you which strengths they are using, and thus telling you which NLP processes they are already running inside. Within five minutes, you can identify which NLP processes are most likely to work for them as you help them change. This enables you to select from the ten types of intervention, discussed in section three of this book, the most effective type to pace the person's current skills.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
104
An N.L.P. Model of Therapy (RESOLVE) 1.
Resourceful state for practitioner -self anchoring
2.
Establish rapport (pacing) -sensory acuity (veges) -rapport skills -sensory system use -Milton model -values/Metaprogram use
3.
Sort and SPECIFY outcome. -“How would you know if the problem disappeared?” -metamodel -challenge presuppositions -set wellformed outcome
4.
Open up client‟s model of the world -elicit strategy -pattern interrupt (interrupt the strategy) -logical levels of therapy -pretest. “Can you do it now?” -content/context reframes
5.
Leading to desired outcome (change techniques) -anchoring techniques -submodalities techniques -strategy installation -parts work -Time Line -trance and healing
6.
Verify change
-test. “Can you do it now?” “That‟s right, it has gone." -use convincer strategy.
7.
Exit process
-check ecology -futurepace
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
105
Anchoring Change Patterns
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
106
Collapse Anchors 1.
Resourceful State.
2.
Establish Rapport.
3.
(Specify Outcome/Open Up Model). Find: (a) A time when you needed a resourceful state. (b) Identify the resource you needed and find a time when you had those resources in abundance (ie. Check “If you could feel like that in that other situation, the situation would not be a problem to you, would it?”).
4.
Elicit the Resource State. Ask the person to recall in an associated way, what they saw/heard/said to themselves/felt/tasted/smelled. Anchor each as they recall it and are in state. If needed, anchor two or more resource states at the same place.
5.
Break State/Clear Screen. Test by firing the anchor and waiting for the K shift. Break state again.
6.
Elicit the Time when the Resources were Needed. Anchor in place two, as they recall what they saw/heard/said to themselves/felt/tasted/smelled. Then say “You‟d know if you thought of that situation and that feeling had changed now, wouldn‟t you.”
7.
Clear the Screen. Test. Clear Screen.
8.
Hold down both anchors at once for 5 - 15 seconds, then hold down the first (resource) anchor 5 secs longer, without the 2nd anchor.
9.
Have the person try to think of the time that used to be difficult. Calibrate (use sensory acuity to check for change). In a positive test: (a) The person has difficulty recalling that time, or (b) The submodalities have changed. If the test is negative, repeat step 8. If negative again, redo from 1.
10.
Futurepace: “Think of a future time, when, in the past you would have had that problem, and notice how it‟s changed now.”
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
107
Designing A 5 State Anchor Chain -from Richard Bandler1. Resourceful State. 2. Establish Rapport. 3. Identify choice point Write down the name of the problem state. You may ask „What could you call that feeling?‟ or „What word best describes that state/feeling?‟ Use the clients‟ exact word, one word, which best describes the state for them. Avoid offering ideas, just elicit their word. This is state 1
4. Identify new choice. SPECIFY outcome. Define final state desired. Write down the name of the outcome state, using their exact word. This is state 5
5. Identify intermediate states. „What state is half way between (name of state 1) and (name of state 5)?‟ Write down the clients‟ exact word. Avoid offering ideas, just elicit their word. This is state 3
1
( )
5
½way=3 6. „What state is half way between (name of state 1) and (name of state 3)?‟ Write down the clients‟ exact word. This is state 2
1
( )
3
½way=2 7. „What state is half way between (name of state 3) and (name of state 5)?‟ Write down the clients‟ exact word. This is state 4
3
( )
5 ½way=4
8. Check the design. Read the five states in order and ask the client „Are these small even steps for you to go from (1) to (5)‟. Check the ecology of the design. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
108
9.
Set Up Chain Anchor state 1 on the 1st knuckle. Break state. Test anchor. Break state. Anchor state 2 on the 2nd knuckle. Break state. Test anchor. Break state. Anchor state 3 on the 3rd knuckle. Break state. Test anchor. Break state. Anchor state 4 on the 4th knuckle. Break state. Test anchor. Break state. Anchor state 5 on the 5th knuckle. Break state. Test anchor. Break state.
10.
Overlapping anchors. B presses the first anchor. When they calibrate (detect using their sensory acuity) that A has shifted to state 1, B presses the second anchor. When they calibrate A has shifted to state 2, press the third anchor. When they calibrate A has shifted to state 3 press the fourth anchor. When they calibrate A has shifted to state 4, press the fifth anchor. Release when they calibrate A has shifted to state 5. Release each previous anchor as the next is fired. Overlap 3 times with a break state in between. Calibrate each time. Likely it will speed up each time.
11.
Test by pressing the first anchor. A will shift to the desired state. If not, repeat (10).
12.
Futurepace. Ask the person to think of a future time when, in the past they would have had the problem. Calibrate to check that the chain runs, and the person shifts to the desired state automatically.
Comments: This process is used to produce a full state change from one state to a radically different desired state. Chaining installs a recovery strategy to enable you to bounce quickly out of any unhelpful states, whatever the triggers. Collapsing anchors tends to alter a specific situation and therefore a specific trigger. The disadvantage of chaining is that the person does (momentarily) experience the first state, before shifting. The disadvantage of collapsing is that it may only work in the context identified. This technique can be enhanced by swishing from one state to the next, stepping into the next and swishing to the next, and so on through the chain.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
109
Change Personal History -Richard Bandler and John GrinderThis is an anchoring technique to resolve a longstanding pattern of unresourceful responses to a particular type of situation. Time Line Therapy offers a faster method of achieving this goal, and will be described later in the course. Change Personal History requires the client to access several unpleasant states and it may be appropriate to build a resource anchor first, to fire if the person has difficulty continuing. 1.
Resourceful state.
2.
Create rapport. Stack up a powerful resource anchor if desired.
3.
Have the person access the unresourceful response, identifying the submodalities of the feeling (kinesthetic). Anchor this, in spot number .
4.
Holding down the anchor, have the person access a chain of (at least four) previous experiences with similar feeling. At each step on this chain have the person associate into the experience and re-anchor. Continue until the person has the sense that they have accessed the earliest experience of this type. (Expect this to be a pre-adult experience in most cases). Identify the age and the situation of the earliest experience, and anchor.
5.
While holding down the anchor, ask the person what resource/s they needed in that first situation. Then have them break state and ask their conscious mind what resources they needed in that first situation.
6.
For each needed resource, find a time in the person‟s life when they had that resource in abundance, and anchor each resource on spot number (ie., stack the anchor at spot with the needed resources).
7.
Have the person re-access the first experience (use the anchor at spot only if needed), and fire the anchor at spot , inviting the person to notice how this changes the experience. If this seems to resolve the experience (calibrate the changes) then repeat for each of the other recalled experiences, and suggest the process of generalisation to all such experiences. If not, check what other resources are needed, restack anchor and repeat.
8.
Futurepace to at least two future situations where, in the past, that feeling would have occurred. If the experience involves a separate person, it may be necessary to check what resources that person needed, anchor those at spot and go through the chain of experiences supplying each significant other person with the resource they needed.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
110
Submodality Based Change Patterns
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
111
Basic Submodalities Change (From Richard Bandler) E.g. Confusion > Understanding
1.
Resourceful state.
2.
Establish rapport.
3.
Identify the two states you want to contrast (the problem state and the desired state). Elicit the submodalities of each separately, using the submodality list on the following page. Some senses may be absent. It may also help to start with the sense the person can most easily access, and ask them to overlap representational systems to the other senses (eg “As you‟re aware of those pictures, check what you hear?”) Once you have elicited the submodalities of the problem, say “You‟d know if you thought of that problem situation and that feeling had changed now, wouldn‟t you.”
4.
Have the person wait while you identify the Drivers (the critical submodalities, which, when changed, result in other submodality shifts automatically).
5.
Keep the content of the picture/sounds/sensations of the present state (eg confusion) and change the submodalities to those of the desired state (eg understanding). Tell the person to “Think of that situation that was a problem, and change the way you think about it in these ways….” Then simply read out the drivers from the desired state, saying “Make that picture…” etc. If one whole sense is present in the problem but not in the desired state, have that sense “fade out”. If one whole sense is present in the desired state but was not there in the problem state, have the person make up and add relevant experiences in that sense.
6.
Test the change using the internal kinesthetic experience (e.g .“Does this feel like understanding now?”) and futurepace (e.g. “Think of a future time when you‟ll be in a similar situation to the one we‟ve changed, and check that the submodalities are now those of understanding, and you get the feeling of understanding”). From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
112
The Two Key Elements In Submodality Change: Drivers (critical submodalities whose change causes general shifts). Universals (experiences so common that any person can associate into them, even if they haven‟t directly experienced them. Universals have powerful submodality structures). Examples include “receiving a present”, “stopping at a stop light”, “lying on a tropical beach”.
Situations Where Submodality Changes Can Be Used:
Changing the submodalities of an illness that hasn‟t healed into the submodalities of the common cold or of a minor bruise which you know will heal itself easily. Changing the submodalities you think of a person who has left your life and for whom you were grieving into the submodalities of an old school friend who has left your life and whose memory brings a smile of appreciation and joy to your face. Changing the submodalities of a subject about which you‟ve felt confused into the submodalities of a subject which you have a clear, strong sense of understanding about. Changing the submodalities of a minor bad habit into the submodalities with which you think of arriving at a Stop light in a car. Changing the submodalities of a situation where you‟ve felt unsure of yourself into the submodalities of a time when you had a sense of confidence and certainty.
Often the choice between using a submodality change and collapsing or chaining anchors is one of personal preference.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
113
Submodality List For Basic Submodality Shift Visual Image Number Location Distance Size Border
Colour Brightness Focus Movement Associated 3D
Is there one or more images? Do you see all of them at once? Where is the image located in space? How far away is the image? Is it lifesize, larger or smaller? Is the image all around you, or a set place? Does the border fuzz out, or is it edged? What shape is the border? Is it in colour or black and white? Is the colour vivid or washed out? Is it brighter or darker than normal? Is it clearly focused or blurred? Are both background and foreground visible? Is it a movie, or still? Do you see it through your own eyes, or are you in the picture? Is it 3D or a flat picture?
Auditory Sounds Number Are there one or more sounds? Type Is it a voice, or other sound? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Internal Auditory Voice Number Are there one or more voices? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Kinesthetic Feelings Location Where in your body do you feel it? Movement Is it moving or still? Is there a rhythm to the movement? Intensity How strong is it? Temperature Is there a temperature with it (hot/cold)? Moisture Is there a moisture to it? Texture Does it feel soft/hard/rough/smooth etc? Spin Does the sensation spin, and if so which way? Gustatory / Olfactory Smell/Taste Is there a taste associated with it? Is there a smell associated with it?
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
114
Belief Change -Richard Bandler1.
Resourceful state.
2.
Establish rapport.
3.
This is a two step submodality process, to alter a limiting belief. To use it requires knowing: (a) a belief about yourself or life that you‟d like to change. (eg “I always fail”, “Nobody will love me”). (b) a belief you used to have, which is no longer true for you. (eg “Father Christmas is real”, “I need my teddy bear to get to sleep”). (c) a belief about yourself or life that you‟d like to have instead of the limiting belief in (a). (eg “I usually succeed”, “I am lovable”). (d) a belief which is absolutely true for you. (eg “The sun will rise tomorrow”).
4. Step One: Shift “Old Belief” “No Longer True” Elicit the submodalities of (a) the belief you‟d like to change and (b) the belief which is no longer true. Identify the drivers. Keep the content of the belief to be changed and alter the submodalities to those of the belief which is no longer true. (If this involves shifting an image across the visual midline, send the image out to be a dot in infinity and bring it back into the new position rapidly - swoosh! - then alter the other submodalities.) NB. This is a basic submodality change as in the last process we did. Test the change using the feeling of no longer true. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
115
5. Step Two: Create New Belief in “Absolutely True” Elicit the submodalities of (d) a belief which is absolutely true for you. Create an image/experience of (c) the belief you‟d like to have, using the submodalities of (d) absolutely true. 6.
Test that the new belief feels true.
7.
Futurepace (e.g. “Think of a future time when, in the past, that limiting belief would have been present, and check that the new belief is now available”).
Some Key Points: Filling the gap left by removing the old belief (in step 4) is important. Creating the new belief ensures the change will last. The mind tends to fill gaps, so we give it something appropriate to use. You don‟t need to find submodalities for (c) the belief you‟d like to have; as this is a belief you‟re making up. Just create it in the submodalities of (d) absolutely true).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
116
Submodalities: Belief Change Visual Image Number Location Distance Size Border
Colour Brightness Focus Movement Associated 3D
Old Belief
No Longer True
Is there one or more images? Do you see all of them at once? Where is the image located in space? How far away is the image? Is it lifesize, larger or smaller? Is the image all around you, or a set place? Does the border fuzz out, or is it edged? What shape is the border? Is it in colour or black and white? Is the colour vivid or washed out? Is it brighter or darker than normal? Is it clearly focused or blurred? Are both background & foreground visible? Is it a movie, or still? Do you see it through your own eyes, or do you see yourself in the picture? Is it 3D or a flat picture?
Auditory Sounds Number Are there one or more sounds? Type Is it a voice, or other sound? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Internal Auditory Voice Number Are there one or more voices? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Kinesthetic Feelings Location Where in your body do you feel it? Movement Is it moving or still? Is there a rhythm to the movement? Intensity How strong is it? Temperature Is there a temperature with it (hot/cold)? Moisture Is there a moisture to it? Texture Does it feel soft/hard/rough/smooth etc? Spin Does the sensation spin; if so which way? Olfactory/Gustatory Smell/Taste Is there a taste associated with it? Is there a smell associated with it?
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
Absolutely True
117
Submodalities: Belief Change Visual Image Number Location Distance Size Border
Colour Brightness Focus Movement Associated 3D
Old Belief
No Longer True
Is there one or more images? Do you see all of them at once? Where is the image located in space? How far away is the image? Is it lifesize, larger or smaller? Is the image all around you, or a set place? Does the border fuzz out, or is it edged? What shape is the border? Is it in colour or black and white? Is the colour vivid or washed out? Is it brighter or darker than normal? Is it clearly focused or blurred? Are both background & foreground visible? Is it a movie, or still? Do you see it through your own eyes, or do you see yourself in the picture? Is it 3D or a flat picture?
Auditory Sounds Number Are there one or more sounds? Type Is it a voice, or other sound? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Internal Auditory Voice Number Are there one or more voices? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Kinesthetic Feelings Location Where in your body do you feel it? Movement Is it moving or still? Is there a rhythm to the movement? Intensity How strong is it? Temperature Is there a temperature with it (hot/cold)? Moisture Is there a moisture to it? Texture Does it feel soft/hard/rough/smooth etc? Spin Does the sensation spin; if so which way? Olfactory/Gustatory Smell/Taste Is there a taste associated with it? Is there a smell associated with it?
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
Absolutely True
118
Submodalities: Belief Change Visual Image Number Location Distance Size Border
Colour Brightness Focus Movement Associated 3D
Old Belief
No Longer True
Is there one or more images? Do you see all of them at once? Where is the image located in space? How far away is the image? Is it lifesize, larger or smaller? Is the image all around you, or a set place? Does the border fuzz out, or is it edged? What shape is the border? Is it in colour or black and white? Is the colour vivid or washed out? Is it brighter or darker than normal? Is it clearly focused or blurred? Are both background & foreground visible? Is it a movie, or still? Do you see it through your own eyes, or do you see yourself in the picture? Is it 3D or a flat picture?
Auditory Sounds Number Are there one or more sounds? Type Is it a voice, or other sound? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Internal Auditory Voice Number Are there one or more voices? Location Is it in stereo? Where does it come from? Volume How loud is it? Tempo Is it fast or slow? Rhythm Does it have a rhythm to it or is it steady? Pitch Is it high or low in pitch? Clarity How clear is it? Kinesthetic Feelings Location Where in your body do you feel it? Movement Is it moving or still? Is there a rhythm to the movement? Intensity How strong is it? Temperature Is there a temperature with it (hot/cold)? Moisture Is there a moisture to it? Texture Does it feel soft/hard/rough/smooth etc? Spin Does the sensation spin; if so which way? Olfactory/Gustatory Smell/Taste Is there a taste associated with it? Is there a smell associated with it?
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
Absolutely True
119
The Swish -Richard BandlerThe Swish is designed to anchor a Desired State to a Cue Situation which currently produces undesired behaviour. The swish can be done in any sensory system, and is explained here in visual form, using the submodalities of size, brightness and distance. 1. 2.
Resourceful state. Establish rapport.
3. CUE SITUATION. The Client chooses a behaviour they would like to change and identifies what they will always see just before the problem behaviour occurs, i.e. usually an associated image. Pretest “You‟d know if you thought of that situation and that feeling had changed now, wouldn‟t you.” 4. DESIRED STATE. The Client creates a dissociated image of themselves with the capabilities/choices/qualities they would like to have in the Cue Situation (“The You for whom this is no longer a problem”). This picture needs to be powerful enough to give them good feelings which will motivate them to act. 5. “Ecology Check.” The Client looks at the Desired State and asks “Does any part of me not feel happy with my becoming this person in that Cue Situation?” If some part is concerned, have it alter the picture to include its needs as well, and recheck. 6. The Practitioner, using their hands to direct the client‟s image-making, has them put the Cue Situation picture in a large square in front of them, and has them put the Desired State picture in a tiny square in the centre.
7. The Practitioner pulls the tiny Desired State picture back behind the Cue, explaining that it is held back by a rubber band. Using the “Swish” sound, they release the rubber band, and have the Client simultaneously: a) darken and shrink the Cue picture into the distance b) enlarge and brighten the Desired State picture to fill the square (and come toward you, and flow all over you, as the feeling washes right through you, and the sounds echo all around you…) 8. The client clears their image away, & then repeats step 6 and 7 until the response is automatic. 9. Test the change (e.g. “Go back and check the Cue Situation and notice how your feelings about it have changed now”) and Futurepace (e.g. “Imagine a future situation where you might experience the Cue and check how your response has changed now”). From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
120
An Example Of A Kinesthetic Swish 1. 2.
Resourceful state. Establish rapport.
3. CUE SITUATION. The Client chooses a behaviour they would like to change and identifies what they will always physically touch or physically feel in their body just before the problem behaviour occurs. Note; this is not simply a word for an emotion. It is a specific real-world sensation such as the sensation of walking through a door, the sensation of putting on certain clothes, of sitting in a certain seat, of being hugged by a certain person etc. Pretest “You‟d know if you thought of that situation and that feeling had changed now, wouldn‟t you.” 4. DESIRED STATE. The Client moves their hands to shape/create a dissociated imaginary model of themselves (like a clay model) with the capabilities/choices/qualities they would like to have in the Cue Situation (“The You for whom this is no longer a problem”). This model needs to be powerful enough to get them to respond differently. 5. “Ecology Check.” The Client steps into the Desired State model and asks “Does any part of me not feel happy with my becoming this person in that Cue Situation?” If some part is concerned, have it alter the model to include its needs as well, and recheck. 6. The Practitioner has the client experience the Cue Situation sensations in their body, and has them put the Desired State model in front of them. 8.
The Client simultaneously: a) pushes away and shrinks the Cue sensation out into the distance b) enlarges and moves the Desired State model so that it flows through the client, as the feeling washes right through them to every place, images of the desired state emerge in their mind, and the sounds echo all around…) 9.
The client stretches (break state), & repeats step 7-8 until the response is automatic.
10. Test the change (e.g. “Go back and check the Cue Situation and notice how your feelings about it have changed now”) and Futurepace (e.g. “Imagine a future situation where you might experience the Cue and check how your response has changed now”).
Creating An Auditory Swish Now that you have read descriptions of a visual and a kinaesthetic swish, you can imagine the process done using an auditory cue. In an auditory swish the sound of a cue voice, music or other sound that the client always hears just before the problem happens could be sent away and quietened as an affirming resourceful version of their own voice flows into their body and becomes more resonant, echoing around them in inspiring tonality.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
121
Healing From Grief. -From Steve and Connirae Andreas1.
Resourceful state for practitioner.
2.
Establish rapport.
3.
Identify a resourceful break state and anchor it (e.g. ask the client to describe something they do well). Use if the person slips back into their grief during the intervention.
4.
If the loss involved was traumatic, run the phobia/trauma cure.
5.
Identify the counter-example. Find either: (a) a previous loss which the client now feels as a presence (e.g. the client feels as if their dead mother is still with them and a resource to them in a positive way). or.... (b) someone who is physically far away right now, but with whom the client has an ongoing relationship and so who feels like a current resource of theirs.
6.
Do a contrastive analysis of the submodalities of; (a) their representation of what they valued and lost (Nb. this is not a picture of their relative as they looked dead!, but as they were healthy: check it); and (b) the counterexample.
7.
Check the ecology of shifting their way of experiencing the loss to that of the counter example. Reframe any objections linguistically or by parts integration. E.g. ―What better way to honour this person could their be than to keep their memory joyfully next to your heart (or where-ever the counter example is kept)?‖
8.
Map across.
9.
Test: as they think of the loss now, is the experience similar to the counter example. Adjust as necessary.
10.
Have the client recall what they valued in their memories of this person/situation. E.g. ―Without necessarily seeing the person, I‘d like you to think of the qualities that made your relationship with them valuable. What did that relationship provide for you?‖ Then ask ―What form would those qualities take if they were to be present in your future? Obviously you‘d find them in different ways, with different people even, but in general terms what would you anticipate happening?‖ Check, ―Is it okay for those things to happen?‖ Adjust this goal for ecology.
11.
Create a symbol for these qualities and put it on a card. Now notice that you have a huge deck of cards in your hands all with the same symbol on one side and you don‘t know what‘s on the other side (because you don‘t know yet who you‘re going to get these qualities from). Float up above now and throw them out across your future Timeline, and see them sparkling like stars falling into your future Timeline lighting it up. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
122
Trauma/Phobia Cure Adapted From Richard Bandler by Richard Bolstad and Margot Hamblett 1.
Resourceful State, Establish Rapport, Set Up Resource Anchor
If you have a resource anchor set up already, simply check it and go to step 3. "Before we start, what I'd like you to do is to remember a time when you felt in charge of what you were doing, perhaps when you were doing something you know how to do [like baking a cake, or driving a car], and get back the memory of a specific time, so you can step into your body at that time, and see what you saw, hear the sounds, and fell the feeling of being in charge. Now, as you feel that feeling, I want you to press together the thumb and little finger of your left hand and enjoy the sense of being in charge ... Great; now release the fingers and come back to being in the room here, and stretch." 2.
Test Resource Anchor
"OK, now stretch and have a look out the window. Just see something you didn't notice before ... Good; now press that thumb and little finger together and feel the difference." Check that the anchor (thumb-finger touch) causes the person to shift their breathing/body position/facial expression back to a positive state similar to the one they used remembering the times. If not, repeat step one, emphasising their re-experiencing each positive state. 3.
Pretest
"Right, now before we start, I just want to check this thing that has been a problem. I'd like you to just briefly remember one of the times it's been a problem now. What does it feel like to remember that?" "OK. Come back to here now. You'll know when that changes now won't you?" Check for a clear shift in breathing, body posture and facial expression. If you need to, to draw them back out, have them stand up and press the thumb and little finger together until they are out of the memory.You could also use the Logical Levels of Therapy pattern interrupt at this time (“So if I was filling in for you, how would I do that?”). 4.
Set Up The Movie Theatre, And The Before And After Pictures
"Now panic attacks [or flashbacks/nightmares/Post Traumatic Stress/phobias/anxiety problems] like you've been having, are just a result of the brain having a scary experience and storing it in a less than useful way. The brain did that the first time you had that experience, and it took it less than 30 seconds to do. So its just that easy to change once we know how the brain did that." If you choose to combine this process with Time Line Therapy™, you can have the person float back up above their time line to the earliest experience of the phobia‟trauma, and be in position 3 (way up above and before the event). They can look down at the event seeing it as if it were a movie screen. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
123
"To change this, what we need to do first is set up a kind of movie theatre here. You've been to a movie sometime, so you know there are seats here [point to movie theatre seat] and a screen up here [point to front -ideally a blank wall]. And sitting in the movie theatre here, I want you to see a picture up on the screen, of yourself, a black and white photo. It could be of the way you look now, or of you doing something you do at home, or just a photo like a recent one you've seen in a photo album ... Have you done that?" ―Good. Now, before you had that experience that was scary, there was a time when it hadn‘t happened yet, and you were safe. Take all the time you need to remember that time, and make a picture of yourself at that safe time before the event. Put that picture of you looking safe before the event up on the screen now, and turn it to black and white too. Have you done that?‖ ―Great. And after that experience that was scary, there was a time when it was over, and although you still had memories of the event, you were physically safe. Take time to remember that safe time after it happened, and put a picture of yourself at that time on the screen. Have you done that too?‖ "OK. Now I'd like you to stand up out of that chair and come back here. This is a chair in the projection room from where they show the movie [seat the person now in the second chair, behind the movie theatre chair. This anchors the dissociation.]. There's a glass screen through which you can see the movie theatre and you can see that other you sitting in the movie theatre, watching a black and white photo on the screen. Can you see that person in the theatre seat?" 5.
Run The Movie Forward "Dissociated"
"So now, as you stay in the projection room, safe behind the glass, you can run the movies, and watch as that other person in the theatre watches them. And because there are holes on the side of the glass, you can hear the movie, because we're going to show a movie soon. And you‘ll be safe and comfortable here, maybe with something nice to eat and drink while you watch the person watching the movie." "What I want you to do is to run a movie of yourself in that time when the unpleasant event happened. The movie will start before the event, at the time when you were safe before, and will run through the time after the event, once you were physically safe again. Like any movie, it will show the important parts of the story, form beginning to end, but this movie will be in black and white, like an old film. OK? Now, while you run the movie, I‘d like you to watch that person in the movie theatre. They may have some response to the movie, but you're in the projection room, so just run it through and watch their watching. OK, go ahead, and tell me when you're done." 6.
Fast Rewind The Movie "Associated"
"Now, in a moment, I'm going to get you to pretend that you float out of the projection room, recombine with the you that was watching the movie, and float into the movie at that safe end scene. It may help you to close your eyes to imagine that. Once you're in the movie, in the body of that earlier you, turn the movie to colour. Then we're going to run the movie backwards, from the end to that safe beginning, but fast, like fast rewind on a video. You've seen a video rewind, but this will go so fast the whole thing will only take a second and a half, so it goes zziiiiiiipp! Got that? Okay, now; float into the movie, at the end, turn it colour From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
124
and zziiiiipp! ... Once you're done, turn the movie back to black and white, and float back to where you actually are, here in the projection room ... Hi." 7.
Repeat until Change Occurs
"OK. Now I want you to be here in the projection booth and watch again as that person in the movie theatre sees the movie through from safe beginning to safe end ... OK? Great; and again, imagine you float into the end and turn the movie to colour, then run it backwards zziiiiipp, and come back to the projection booth once its done ..." "Great. Have a stretch ... Now try and get back that picture at the start of the movie [If they can't, go to step 8]. Now again, watch from the movie projection booth as that person watches the black and white movie, float into the safe end and run it backwards fast in colour, and come back here. Tell me when you're done...". "Good. Now I want you to try to do this process, a bit faster, and do it through as many times as it takes till you can't get back the movie, or you realise that the feeling has suddenly gone. Some people say the movie gets blank spots and fades out; some say it's as if the tape snaps. It's probably started already. Just go ahead and try to run the movie each way till you know you can't. Then tell me ...". 8.
Verify Change (Post-test)
"Great. ,And notice that the feeling went with the picture. Okay; now stretch and look out the window. Notice something there you haven't seen before ...". "Okay, now what I want you to do is have a go at remembering that time, and try and get back the feelings you used to have about it." [Smile]. "How's that now? Different!" Check from the person's body posture, breathing and facial expression that this is a different, more relaxed response than the pretest. "Now I'm not suggesting you'll enjoy that thing now. Just that the uncomfortable feeling is gone. There's often a little uncertainty, as you try to go to remember, because this was a reliable response you had. You had that problem for a while, and it‘s strange for it to be different, now. Pretty amazing isn‘t it?" [Try again until the person realises it‟s different]. 9.
Ecology Check and Future Pace
"Now one thing that has happened occasionally, is that when someone had an anxiety, it gave them something to do. So now it‘s important to find out what you can do instead. I'd like you to think of a future time, the kind of time when, in the past, you would have responded in that old way; and notice what you're doing instead, and how you're feeling. How is that? ..." And think of another situation when, in the past, you'd have had that problem. How is it different now? ... Is that okay for all of you?" "Excellent. Welcome to your new life. That was big change wasn't it!" If the phobic response used to create significant benefits (secondary gain), use a Swish to shift from the experience that used to cause the problem to a resourceful self.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
125
Parts Integration Processes
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
126
Parts Intensity, rate and number of Significant Emotional Experiences
Psychoses Multiple Personalities Threshold Phobias Compulsions PARTS -Repress or protect non-integrated behaviour -Have own intention and decisionmaking processes Threshold Gestalts -Limiting decisions -Beliefs and Values -Sense of “Self-Identity” Threshold Wholeness
From Tad James, 1990.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
127
The Six Step Reframe -John Grinder and Richard BandlerThe six step reframe was modelled from Milton Erickson. While still listed in the Certification Standards for N.L.P. Practitioners, it is now less popular (the Parts Integration process is more recommended, because it creates wholeness rather than simple co-operation between parts). The six step reframe works with undesired behaviours or symptoms.
(a) Resourceful state. (b) Get in rapport. (c) The six steps: 1. Identify the behaviour or symptom to be changed. 2. Establish communication with the part responsible for the behaviour. “There‟s a part of you that is responsible for this behaviour/symptom. I‟d like to thank that part because I know that it had some purpose in creating that behaviour/symptom. I want to help that part to achieve its original or highest purpose because as a part of the whole it originally came into being to achieve a purpose of value to you. I‟d like you to ask that part if it is willing to communicate ... by causing some body movement or sensation, or some internal image, sound or word; in an involuntary, unconscious way, as a signal for „yes‟ ”. As the person asks the question, get them to be aware of any change in sensation, movement, images, sounds. You need a signal that the person cannot duplicate consciously. Finger signals or pendulum signals (see Hypnosis notes) can be used. Often the symptom can be used - an increase in a headache for “yes”, a decrease for “no”. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
128
Whether person gets a signal they experience as “no”, or “yes”, thank the part for communicating and continue.
3. Separate positive intention from behaviour.
Say to the part: “I know that if you check your highest intention for this behaviour, that there is a positive reason why you began, and I‟d like to help you achieve that intention even better than you have done. So I‟d like to tell the conscious mind what your intention is. Would that be okay to go ahead and do now?” Whether you get a “yes” or “no”, thank the part and continue.
4. Generate new ways to accomplish the intention. Say to the part. “I‟d like you to access your creative skills and find three new ways of meeting that intention that would be at least as good as the old behaviour/symptom, and that would be acceptable to the conscious mind. Give a “yes” signal as you find each new solution” or if you know the intention, you can have the person consciously think up solutions using their creative part. You can then say to the part that was causing the behaviour/symptom “As the conscious mind considers each possible new solution, I‟d like you to signal “yes” or “no” to indicate whether that new solution will meet its intention at least as well as the old one did. We‟ll continue until you give us three “yes” signals”. Thank the parts.
5. Get agreement to generate the new solutions.
Tell the part “As you were generating the old behaviour/symptom without any conscious control, I know you can just as easily take responsibility for causing these new solutions to happen. Is it okay for you to go ahead and do that?” Thank the part if it says “yes”. If it says “no” suggest a trial period, or repeat step 4.
6. Ecological check. Have the person check inside and ask if all their parts agree to the new choices. If there are any objections, either repeat step 4 or reframe the part objecting. Otherwise thank all parts. (Testing and futurepacing are implicit in step 5 so this completes the process). From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
129
Visual Squash (The original pattern which the Parts Integration Process was developed, included for historical completeness) 1.
Resourceful state.
2.
Establish rapport.
3.
Identify the conflict and the parts involved.
4.
Make a visual image of each part and place one part in each hand.
5.
Separate intention from behaviour. Reframe each part so that they realise that they actually have the same intention. What resources does each part have that would be useful to the other part in assisting it to be even more effective.
6.
Create (visualise) a third part with the combined resources of each part. Place this third image in the centre of the other two images.
7.
Create a series of visual images representing the metamorphosis or transition from each part to the centre image.
8.
Bring the hands together and at the same time have the internal images begin to merge.
9.
Take the integrated part inside.
10.
Suggest “super part”, with all resources of earlier parts.
11.
TEST & Futurepace.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
130
Transformations NLP Parts Integration Model 1. Resourceful State
NON-VERBAL
2. Establish rapport!!! 3.
Identify the issue as a Parts Conflict. “So there‟s a situation where part of you wants one thing, and part of you wants another.”
4. Ask "If the part you're most aware of was to stand on one of your hands, which hand would it stand on? And where on the hand would it stand, if you knew, you know." 5. Ask "Does that hand feel heavy or light?" Ask “Does it feel warm or cool?” Ask "If you knew, what does that part look like?" Ask "What would that part say if it was speaking?" Ask "What tone of voice would it use?"
Full body rapport; breathing in time and mirroring body position, throughout. As you ask for each part, have the person hold out the hand it will stand on, palm up. Hold your hand similarly opposite it.
6. Ask "If the part most opposed to that first part were to stand on the other hand, where would it stand?" 7. Ask what this part feels/looks/sounds like (as in Step 5 above). 8. Find their highest common intention: Thank the parts for communicating with you. For each part in turn, ask the person “What is this part‟s intention in doing what it does?” “If you have that, fully and completely, what do you get through having that, that‟s even more important?” Keep asking like this for the higher intention until you have the same highest intention for both parts. Ask each part “Does this part realise that the other part has resources skills & energy that would be useful in achieving its intention?” 9. Ask: “Do these parts notice that they have the same highest intent?” Then:“Do they realise that they were once part of a greater whole?” If the hands move closer together, say “That‟s right”. Then: “Do you notice that they‟d like to integrate themselves again now? To combine all the resources they have so that everything they have done of value to you is totally preserved, and they can truly achieve their common intention.” 10. Once the hands float fully together, explain "The two parts that were there [always speak of them in past tense now] have now become one integrated unit, or wholeness which you may be able to see, with one weight, one voice, and with all the resources that the two parts used to have." 11. Ask the person to “Place this new completeness back in your body wherever feels most appropriate, and be aware of the integration spreading through you.” You may observe a change in skin colour & return of symmetrical gestures and posture. You might say "That was a big one, wasn't it"
Watch for any small movements to the centre by the hands and validate “that‟s right”. Move your hands slowly together. The other person's hands will move in rapport. Keep pacing/leading until their hands move fully together. Follow their movement, keeping rapport.
12. Test & Futurepace: “Think of a future time when you would have previously behaved in an unintegrated way, and notice how the images, feelings, and sounds have changed.” From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
131
Interpersonal Applications
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
132
Family/Couples/Groups Therapy Model FAMILY 1.
Frame outcome each session. - “Is this relationship worth saving?”
2.
Anchoring. -Explain process and identify negative anchors esp contempt. -Re-anchor positive states from beginning of relationship. -Teach use of anchors.
3.
Metaprograms and Values. -Identify these for each & utilise to build rapport. -Teach how to respond to values/metaprogram conflicts.
4.
Individual Therapy. -Collapse negative anchors. -Clear Time Line. -Parts Integration with partner/parents etc
5.
Learn Strategies. -Help identify
(a) Attraction (in couples) (b) Recognising Attraction (in couples) (b) Love/Valuing (b) Recognising Love/Valuing (b) Commitment (c) Recognising Commitment -Teach how to utilise
6.
Yardsticks for Communication. -Set up agreements for communication especially reflective listening, I messages, and win-win conflict resolution process.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
133
Five Step Sales Model -Adapted From Tad James 1988
SALES 1.
Synchronise Communication (Rapport). -Voice and word choice -Eye movements/blinking -Gestures and general posture -Expiration/inspiration -Skin: facial expressions/pulse
2.
Ask questions. -use the language of their business/lifestyle -discover strategies. “How did you decide to buy X?” -discover Metaprograms and values -anchor needed states (especially a good buying decision)
3.
Learn needs. -if there is no need, find another client! -Assist client to explore possible solutions to their needs (including yours) -conditional close “Would there be any value to you in...?” -tag questions e.g. “Is that not right?” -anchor their positive responses
4.
Establish ability of Product/Service to meet needs. -use strategies and language patterns elicited in step 2. -fire anchors from step 2 & 3 while discussing product. -Use agreement frame “...and...” -reframe objections and remind of the value you offer (e.g. “What we‟re talking about here is something that actually saves you money/time). -Conditional closes e.g. “So if I could show you how this solves that concern you‟d want to?” “So if your partner agrees, you‟d want to?”
5.
Settle deal (close sale) -ask for the order. -chain anchors to decision to buy. -if no, go back to step 3. -if yes, futurepace (fire reassurance anchor) and get referrals.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
134
N. L. P. Approaches to Meetings MODERATE 1.
Minimise use of meetings. -Can it be handled by memo or phone?
2.
Outcomes: SPECIFY what you want from the meeting & get agreement about this.
3.
Decisions clearly identified & summarised as they occur.
4.
Establish who/where/what the meeting is for. -be clear about who needs to come and ensure they have all the information. -set the place and time (clear anchoring of meeting mode). -create an agenda with all present.
5.
Rapport. -establish rapport as each person arrives. -pace and lead people to a resourceful state.
6.
As If Frame. -assess realism of comments and suggestions using the “As If” frame. -check using conditional close e.g. “So if you could do X, and I did Y, would that be okay?”
7.
Tasks for people with challenging Metaprograms. -e.g. Give Polarity responders the task of generating objections (devils advocate) at specific times.
8.
Evaluate Relevancy -use the relevancy challenge whenever off track comments are made. (a) nonverbally (e.g. glance at the agenda). (b) verbally (e.g. “How does this relate to the outcome we‟ve agreed on?”
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
135
Who Owns The Problem? Different communication skills work in different situations. Learning communication skills is no help unless you also learn when to use which skills. One interesting question to ask any time you are talking, or spending time with another human being is, 'Who here is not feeling happy right now?' If the answer is 'no-one', that's great! In that situation no-one owns a problem, to use a new piece of jargon. If the answer is 'me', then I own a problem, in this sense. And if the answer is anyone else, then the other person owns the problem. This way of understanding situations was developed by Doctor Thomas Gordon, author of P.E. T Parent Effectiveness Training and many other books. Notice that this way of using the words 'own a problem' is different from the way many people use the phrase. For now, I'd like you to get used to this new way of thinking about it. When I talk about someone 'owning a problem', I don't mean that it's their fault, and that they should fix things up or anything like that. I mean that they are the ones who are not feeling happy about things. They are the ones who feel angry, hurt, sad, frightened, resentful, embarrassed, or otherwise unaccepting of the situation. The following diagrams are developed by Dr Richard Bolstad to explain this model as it is used in this training.
No Problem Area
I Own A Problem
Other Person Owns A Problem Both Of Us Own A Problem (Conflict)
No Problem Area
Rapport
Helping Skills
Problem Solving & Assertive Skills
Conflict Resolution Skills
The Problem Ownership Model
The aims of NLP And The Transforming Communication seminar
The skills which achieve these aims
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
136
Who Owns The Problem? Objective: To practise using Thomas Gordon's Problem Ownership model to identify which skills will be appropriate in a situation. Instructions: Read each situation. If you think that in the situation as described so far, the other person/s own the problem (are upset, unhappy, not getting their needs met etc) note it in the ―Other owns a problem‖ column. If you feel the behaviour described causes you to own a problem, note it in the ―I own a problem‖ column. If neither has a problem check the ―No Problem‖ column. Situation
Other Owns A Problem
I Own A Problem
1. The person who shares your workspace plays a radio at a high volume, making it difficult for you to concentrate. 2. A client tells you she is worried about the results of a test her doctor just did. 3. Your colleagues often have political debates, such as discussing whether Roger Douglas was a good or bad economist. 4. Your boss expresses disapproval of your taking a training course. 5. A repair shop has failed to meet three consecutive promises to have your car ready. 6. A worker at your clinic complains that her responsibility level isn't challenging enough. 7. Your client looks increasingly worried and tense and says she can‘t cope. 8. One of the colleagues in your team is increasingly late with reports that are important in getting your job done. 9. An employee fails to turn up on time for a meeting with an accountant, that you have arranged. 10. A lot of your work time is spent willingly giving advice to less experienced staff. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
No Problem
137
The Rescue Triangle A Life Of Waiting The very first person I ever visited in my work as a Public Health Nurse was an elderly lady. Most of my nursing training had been done in hospitals. It was odd to walk up to her, sitting alone on a tree stump round the back of her little house, and think of this as 'nursing'. My visit was essentially routine, but I had the time to listen as well as the intention to get to know her. Her mind wandered over nearly a century of memories, as she attempted to introduce herself to me. The youngest child in her family, she had continued to live with and care for her mother until her mother's death a few years before. When she was about twenty she had fallen in love. The young man involved went off to World War I and then moved to England. He wrote to her assuring her that he would return to marry her soon. She waited faithfully for him . . . for over forty years. Gradually she had realised that he was never coming back, and that she was going to be single all her life. Her mother's last words to her, on her deathbed, were to the effect that she had always been a selfish, lazy daughter, and never looked after her well enough. At that moment, as her mother's life ended, she understood that she had wasted her own entire life. An elderly woman herself now, she had never ever lived. 'And now', she concluded, 'it's too late.' I held her hand as she wept for the tragedy of a life given up to the demands of others. Over an hour had passed as I listened to this woman's tale. I had said only a few sentences, but, as I left, she pleaded with me to accept some gift for what I had done and asked eagerly when I would be able to return. What had I done to earn this gratitude? I had been the only person who happened to have the time to listen for an hour to her sorrow. I was twenty two. This woman had lived four times that long, and she certainly was not asking for my advice. What she did crave, above all, was to be heard. How do I Help? All of us will come across people who are hurting, who are unhappy, angry, afraid, or otherwise 'own a problem'. They will range from those who experience their whole life as 'a waste' to people who are momentarily annoyed. Ever met someone who has been through some distressing event, or who has suddenly off-loaded their anger, their hurt or their confusion in front of you? Perhaps your job involves you working with people at times when they are anxious or in pain? In all these situations, people often wonder 'What can I say?', 'What do I do to help?', or 'How do I show the other that I care about them?' One of the temptations of such situations is to forget who really owns the problem: to start thinking that it's my problem and I need to find the right solution to it. It's hard to accept, when someone else is hurting, that only They can find the very best solution for them. They have to live with the solution. So it doesn't matter how well my ideas would work for me, if the other person doesn't think they will work for them. Rescuer Role Once I forget that the other person owns their problem I start to believe that I can take away their pain for them: that I can 'make them feel happy'. I may even think that I have to rescue them from their problem because they are not smart enough or strong enough to do anything about it themselves. Once I believe these things, I'm in what Stephen Karpman calls the Rescuer role. He uses the word Rescuer with a capital 'R' to distinguish it from genuine rescue, which does happen (eg. when a firefighter rescues someone from a house fire). The Rescuer believes that helping someone means doing things for them (whether they asked for it or not), even when it creates difficulties for the Rescuer. Victim Role From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
138
The elderly woman I described above had spent much of her life being a Rescuer for her lonely mother. The result of Rescue, Karpman says, is to encourage the other person to act like a helpless Victim (again he uses the capital 'V' to distinguish someone in the Victim role from someone who is a genuine victim asking for a specific kind of assistance). The woman's mother began to do less and less for herself; she too began to believe that she was not smart enough or not strong enough to solve her own problems. She became a 'Victim'. Persecutor Role Instead of thanking their Rescuer (as an actual victim of a real misfortune might thank their helper), the Victim often comes to resent and complain to their Rescuer. They then move into a third role, the role of the 'Persecutor'. And that's exactly what the woman's mother was doing on her deathbed. The mother had come to demand that she be looked after in every way by her daughter, and was resentful when asked to do something for herself. Her calling her daughter selfish and lazy was like a slap in the face: it was action from the Persecutor role. Rescuers also slip into the Persecutor role. At times, the daughter in our example would begin to suspect that her mother was 'not as sick as she made out'. She would then become angry at being manipulated and decide not to respond to the mother's requests at all. From being her mother's Rescuer, she would shift to being her Persecutor, angrily blaming her for ruining her life. It's a bit like a game of musical chairs; everyone keeps changing places around this triangle: The daughter herself also felt like a Victim much of the time. She dreamed that the young man who had promised to marry her would Rescue her from life with her mother, because she herself didn't feel strong enough or smart enough to get out. Persecutor
Rescuer
Victim Role Theory The term 'role' is similar to the term state in NLP. The word 'role' was borrowed by psychotherapist Jacob Moreno (1892-1974 ) from the world of the theatre, where actors play various roles. Moreno described a role as 'the functioning form the individual assumes in the specific moment he reacts to a specific situation in which other persons or objects are involved.' This definition emphasises the way a state of mild is a response to a specific situation, to other people or things. The role of Rescuer is a response to the Victim, and vice versa. They are 'interdependent'—one can't exist without the other. Moreno called this a role set. Victims need Rescuers, and Rescuers also look for Victims to save. Each role has a context or surrounding situation, feelings, beliefs about what is happening, behaviour, and consequences of what the person does. The Rescuer role has a context where someone else owns a problem, feelings of guilt, and responsibility, related to a belief that the other person is not able to contribute to solving their own problem, behaviours such as advice giving and reassuring, and the consequence that the Victim does even less to help themselves. The Rescue Triangle in Action The Rescue triangle is so common that you can easily think of times when you've been caught in it. In my work training nurses and counsellors, I often find that the people who choose such 'helping' professions are people who have a strong Rescuer role. They're the one who always helps out in their families, who helps sort it out when others are fighting, who's there whenever a friend is in a tangle. The problem is they feel like they have to do these things, and forget who actually owns the problem. If you want to be able to help others when they are upset (and that includes helping your friends, family or clients) the first thing to understand is how to avoid Rescuing or Persecuting them. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
139
Roadblocks Roadblocks are responses intended to be helpful, but which are high risk responses when someone else owns a problem. Thomas Gordon lists twelve such responses. Imagine how it would feel for you if you asked the instructor to explain something in the course and got a response like this... Solution Giving Commanding:"Just shut up and calm down will you!" Warning: "If you carry on interrupting I'm not having you in this course." Moralising: "You should have more consideration for those people who did understand that bit." Lecturing: "Research shows that a state of uncertainty is a valuable learning aid; it helps you pay attention to the next part." Advising: "Why don't you go out of the room for ten minutes and look it up in the book." Judgments Blaming: "There's no-one to blame but you for that is there?" Name-calling:"We really do get some idle-brained people on these courses don't we." Analysing: "I'm sure I was quite clear. Are you looking for a bit of attention?" Denying Praising: "Good on you for making an attempt to understand it. That's the main thing." Reassuring: "You poor old thing. Hang in there though; it's bound to make sense later." Distracting: "Maybe we should play a game at this point." Interrogating Questioning: "Do you always have trouble with learning? Is there something outside the course that's distracting you tonight?
Helping Skills Attending & Matching -Mirror body posture; match breathing & voice tonality -Face the person, and adjust distance and height to suit them -Nod, and have your eyes available for eye contact -Avoid other activities Minimal Encouragers -‖Mmmm‖, ―Ah-huh‖, ―Right‖ etc Open Questions -‖Tell me about...‖ , ―How...?‖, ―What...?‖ Reflective Listening -‖So for you...‖, ―When... you felt...‖, ―The way you see it...‖, ―Sounds like...‖
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
140
Open Questions These are questions which cannot be so easily answered by a simple ―yes‖, ―no‖, or another single word or number. They invite the person to talk further, and direct their attention to a specific aspect of what has been said. Open questions which start ―How...‖ elicit better information that those which start ―Why...‖. Open questions can ask for more sensory specific information (eg in response to an employee‘s claim that ―My friend is always putting me down!‖, an open question might ask ―How, specifically, does your friend put you down?‖, or ―When, specifically, does she do that?‖). Open questions can ask for more information about the person‘s desired outcome (eg ―How would you know if this problem was solved?‖, or ―What needs to be different for you to feel right about this?‖).
Reflective Listening This skill involves reflecting (restating, verbally pacing) feelings and information from what you heard the other person saying. Colleague: "I'm in a real stew over this meeting about our project, we've got on Monday." You: "You're worrying about how your presentation there will go?" Colleague: "Well I told a customer I'd meet him for an early lunch at that time. I thought I'd just skip the project meeting. It‘s the second time I‘ve cancelled an appointment with this customer." You: "It's finding a way to tell him you can't make it that's the difficult part?" Reflective listening is an extremely useful helping skill, and to use it well, you need to be feeling free enough of your own problems to focus on the other person. You also need to trust the person to find good solutions rather than wanting to convince them of your own. This is not a skill for when you want to influence the person. Reflective listening also requires the person to be willing to talk: you can't force them to open up. Also, of course, when simple information is required, you need to give it, not just listen empathically. Reflective listening tells the other that you are interested in their concerns, that you can accept them having problems and trust that they will solve them. It deepens your relationship, as you will really start to hear what clients and colleagues say. That is its risk, and its beauty. As a spin-off benefit, colleagues may benefit from your modelling and start to reflectively listen to your concerns about them. Reflective listening is even more effective when you match the sensory system (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, unspecified) of the person you are listening to. For example, if the person said ―My week has been so gloomy.‖, you might say ―It‘s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.‖ If the person said ―My week has been out of tune.‖ you might say ―You‘ve had difficulty finding the theme.‖ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
141
Using Reflective Listening Objective: To recognise the feeling state in another's message, and write replies which reflect those feelings to the other. Instructions: Read each statement. Write down a word for the feeling state you think the other might be experiencing and expressing. Then write a sentence which you could say back to the person which acknowledges these feelings (reflecting). 1.
Why did this phobia have to happen this year? Everything looks such a mess. Feelings:______________________________ Reflective Listening:____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________
2.
I don't want to show my face in his office tomorrow. I know I don‘t look ready, and I just can‘t bear to see his response. Feelings:______________________________ Reflective Listening:____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________
3.
Can you just go over this with me for a minute. I'm really in a stew. Feelings:______________________________ Reflective Listening:____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________
4.
I wish you would tell me how I'm doing more often. I always wonder if I'm not succeeding as well as you expected, and everyone‘s so quiet about it. Feelings:______________________________ Reflective Listening:____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________
5.
Do you think it's fair the way some clients have so many sessions? Feelings:______________________________ Reflective Listening:____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________
6.
Well, wouldn't you do the same thing if you stood in my shoes? What else could I do? Feelings:______________________________ Reflective Listening:____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________
6.
I‘m really sick of all the noise around here. I can‘t hear myself think with everyone crashing around all afternoon! Feelings:______________________________ Reflective Listening:____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ _ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
142
Reflecting Incongruity Reflect each of the following statements using formats such as “On the one hand... AND on the other hand....” or “So part of you... AND part of you....” A 15-year old boy, laughing enthusiastically, tells you ―I guess I do push my brother around a lot. Poor kid. I feel sorry for him. He never gets a break.‖ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ A 21-year-old woman, who told you last week that she intended to give up smoking before her next visit, comes in. Lighted cigarette in hand, she explains, ―Well, I‘ve decided for sure now. I‘m stopping smoking... sometime soon, mark my works.‖ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ Smiling and speaking in a quiet, musical voice, a 25-year-old man tells you ―I‘m absolutely furious about what my father said, and I mean to tell him too.‖ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________
Reflecting Problems As Solutions Reflect each of the following statements by describing the outcome the person wants. 1) I keep losing my temper. __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ 3) I can‘t seem to relax. I get anxious a lot. __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ 4) I find it hard to start a conversation. I never meet anyone. __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
143
Solution Focused Open Questions If your open questions focus only on the problems the person has, they will be directed to think more about what‘s gone wrong. If your questions focus on the solution they want, the person will think more about what they want to achieve. This in itself enables them to become more resourceful, and take charge of making the changes they want. Steve de Shazer, Insoo Kim Berg and others have developed a model of change called the Solution Focused approach, based on this understanding. The following are examples of their questions, which guide the person to identify what they want and how to get it. a. Ask for a description of the person‘s outcome. For example: ―What has to be different as a result of you talking to me?‖ ―How will you know that this problem is solved?‖ b. If the person has no goal of their own in coming, but has been required to come, ask ―Since they sent you here, what will you need to be doing differently for them to realise that you don‘t need to come back?‖ c. Ask about when the problem doesn‘t occur (the exceptions). For example: ―When is a time that you noticed this problem wasn‘t quite as bad?‖ ―What was happening at that time? What were you doing different?‖ d. Ask about hypothetical exceptions using the ―Miracle‖ question: ―Suppose one night there is a miracle while you are sleeping, and this problem is solved. Since you are sleeping, you don‘t know that a miracle has happened or that your problem is solved. What do you suppose you will notice that‘s different in the morning, that will let you know the problem is solved?‖ Reference: Insoo Kim Berg, Family Based Services: A Solution-Focused Approach, W.W.Norton & Co, New York, 1994
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
144
I Messages What does an I Message do? A three part confrontive I message (proposed by Thomas Gordon): (1) Has a high chance of changing the behaviour of another person when you find that behaviour unacceptable. (2) Protects the self esteem of the other person. (3) Preserves the quality of the relationship between you and the other person. (4) helps the other person to understand what goes on between you better, and to improve their performance. When can I Messages be used? I Messages can be used to explain your concern when you own a problem, and other types of I Message can be used to share your views and feelings when there is no problem. "You messages" used when the other's behaviour is unacceptable tell them: "You're too stupid to figure out what to do here." "Something is wrong with you because you're making me unhappy." "I'm not going to tell you honestly how I feel about this." A confrontive I Message can have four parts (1) a sensory specific description of the behaviour; what actually happened. (2) the actual, concrete, tangible effects of that behaviour on ME. (3) how I feel about the behaviour and its effects. (4) reflective listening to the responses (especially the ―resistances‖) to the I Message. Why I Message don‟t always succeed immediately: (a) The I Message was incomplete. Action: Check that you have explained what the behaviour was, how it affects you, and especially how you feel about it. (b) The ―resistance‖ was not dealt with. Action: Reflective listening. (c) The other person has strong needs/concerns of their own; reasons why helping you with your concern seems to create a problem for them. Action: Resolve as a conflict of needs. (d) The other person does not consider they are causing you a real concrete problem. They don't believe the situation tangibly affects you and is your right to have solved. Action: Use skills for resolving values conflicts. (e) The message was sent to a child too young to understand cause and effect, or too young to follow the meaning of your message. Action: You may need to initiate the solution with a very young child (e.g., remove the child from the problem area).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
145
Build An I Message Objective: To build a three part I Message you could send to someone when you have a problem related to their behaviour. Instructions: Choose a situation you have recently experienced where you would have liked to confront the other person about the problem you experienced with their behaviour. Describe the other's BEHAVIOUR without using blaming language (e.g., avoid "when you are so inconsiderate..." or "when you never...." or "when you selfishly..."). Be sensory specific (ie describe what you could see, hear or touch. Then list the actual concrete EFFECTS that this behaviour has for you (if there aren't any; if you feel unaccepting of the behaviour but can't see how it concretely affects you, this is possibly a values collision. Keep that situation in mind, but choose another for this exercise). Thirdly write down how you FEEL about the behaviour and the effects it has for you (you could use the list of feeling states on Page 10). After listing the three parts, write out a complete I Message combining all three. Avoid adding a solution or you message. EXAMPLE: Behaviour: doesn‘t do the dishes as arranged. Effects: I end up doing them at a time when I'm wanting to use the bench, or have a rest.. Feelings: resentful, frustrated I Message: "When you don‘t do the dishes you‘ve arranged to do, I end up needing to do them in order to be able to use the bench. I resent the extra work."
1.
Behaviour: ________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________
2.
Effects: ___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________
3.
Feelings: __________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________
I Message: ______________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
146
The Two Step This is a way of clarifying the need to alternate sending an I message and reflectively listening. As the person sends an I message, a psychological distance is created (they step out of rapport). The reflective listening process brings the other person back into rapport so they are more able to consider the I message. I MESSAGE
“RESISTANCE” REFLECT THE RESISTANCE RESEND I MESSAGE
Jack sends his "I message" and takes a step away from Jane to show that they are ―out of rapport‖.
Jane responds to the I message (―resists‖).
Jack reflective listens until Jane signals " I feel understood". and takes a step. This signal (a head nod usually) is the key.
Jack resends the "I message" bearing in mind what Jane said.
This process may need to be repeated two or three times until a clear result is obtained. See the next page for examples of the three possible results. Anger: Transforming Communication instructor Bryan Royds suggests that anger can be thought of as the top hole in a volcano. Usually the volcano has side vents and when pressure builds up lava runs out these side holes—holes like frustration (the feeling of being blocked), fear, embarrassment, resentment (the feeling of doing more than a fair share), pressure, rejection, and powerlessness. When these feelings aren't expressed, the force which was behind those feelings doesn't just go away. It builds up and finally explodes out the top. Someone who is constantly angry needs to re-open the other vents so more appropriate feelings can be expressed. This is what I messages can do. Think of situations where you get angry. What other feelings are likely to be there at those times? Anger Other Feelings Blocked
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
147
The Two Step Process Is Run Until One Of Three Outcomes Is Reached 1. Jane agrees congruently to change to solve Jack's problem.
WHEN YOU ARRIVE LATE, I CAN‟T PLAN THE SESSION. I GET VERY FRUSTRATED WITH THAT.
SORRY!. I DIDN‟T KNOW IT MATTERED TO YOU.
YOU DIDN‟T REALISE IT WAS A PROBLEM.
YEAH!
I‟D REALLY LIKE TO MAKE SURE WE START ON TIME
SURE. OK!
2. Jane and Jack identify that they both own a problem. While Jane can understand that their behaviour concretely affects Jack, she is not willing to change because it would cause her a problem. (Conflict of Needs)
WHEN YOU ARRIVE LATE, I CAN‟T PLAN THE SESSION. I GET VERY FRUSTRATED WITH THAT.
IT‟S NOT EASY WHEN MY BABYSITTER IS LATE!
YOUR BABYSITTER DIDN‟T ARRIVE ON TIME.
YEAH!
IS THERE SOME WAY WE CAN SOLVE THIS SO I GET TO KNOW ABOUT IT EARLIER?
3. Jane considers this matter to be "none of Jack's business". Jane is thus not willing to negotiate the issue. (Conflict of Values or Metaprograms).
WHEN YOU ARRIVE LATE, I CAN‟T PLAN THE SESSION. I GET VERY FRUSTRATED WITH THAT.
SO WHAT? I‟M PAYING ANYWAY!
YOU DON‟T THINK IT MATTERS IF YOU‟RE THE ONE PAYING.
YEAH!
IT IS STILL A PROBLEM TO ME. I „D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THIS AGAIN LATER. IS THAT OK?
Handling outcomes 2 and 3 is discussed in the Transforming Communication course and in Master Practitioner training.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
148
Notes From The Gottman Research On Couples Seattle‘s Washington University researchers and marital therapists John and Julie Gottman have been in the forefront of a revolution in couples work. Their in depth research on more than a thousand couples over the last thirty years has debunked many cherished theories about what makes intimate relationships work, and has implications for all work with close relationships. It has shown, for example, that in general the personality characteristics and even the objective degree of similarity between the couples personality types is irrelevant to marital happiness. Even the number of arguments between the couple does not determine a couple‘s sense of satisfaction and likelihood of separation. However, in happy couples, each person perceives the other as being basically a functional person (with certain quirks) and basically similar to them. In happy couples, each perceives arguments as useful and manageable expressions of differences. In unhappy relationships, each partner perceives the other as basically flawed and unlike them, and conflicts are experienced as emotionally traumatic (Gottman, 1999, p 19-21). When couples are videotaped 24 hours a day, the difference between happy couples and unhappy couples is very small. There are subtle differences in the linguistic patterns that successful couples use before, during and after an argument. These differences in linguistic patterns pervade the whole relationship though, not just the arguments. Gottman‘s researchers have shown that they can accurately predict whether a couple will divorce just by listening to a five minute conversation between the couple, by identifying the specific language patterns used and seeing the specific non-verbal responses they make to each other (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 3). Following are some core ideas from Gottman‟s research that add to our understanding of Transforming Communication: Problem Ownership: Differences between successful and unsuccessful couples are not merely present in arguments. As Gottman says, his research has shown that ―successful conflict resolution isn‘t what makes marriages succeed.‖ (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 11). The formation of an intimate relationship, Gottman‘s research shows, is the formation of a whole new culture. It is the quality of the friendship between the couple, in every area of problem ownership, that counts. Happy couples saying approximately 100 more words of positive comment per day (a mere 30 seconds more of positive talking) compared to unhappy couples. But those 30 seconds are crucial (Gottman, 1999, p 59-61). Goal Setting: Gottman‘s idea is that people stay in relationships when those relationships nourish or at least respect the existence of their dreams. The goal to ―resolve our conflicts‖ just isn‘t big enough to make a relationship work! He encourages couples to rediscover these dreams within the very conflicts that they have been having, using the process NLP calls identifying positive outcomes. While he will later coach the couple in doing this themselves, at first it is Gottman who restates the complaints as dreams of how the relationship could be, for example (Gottman, 1999, p 138): Emma: I want more of that. I now know in my life for the first time what it‘s like to be in love with someone And being in love, you crave, you want. There are things that have to be done, but I miss that lengthy courtship. I thought it would continue once we were married. And it really hasn‘t. We have just not had the time. So… Gottman: So that‘s a potential issue – how to build more time together into your marriage. It is quite a moving experience for a couple to hear their worst frustrations reframed as dreams. As examples, Gottman suggests (1999, p 238) that by exploring you may discover that a client shifts from saying:
the end of life that my parents don‘t have, so I can relax about growing old.‖
very unfair to others. I want to carry on my parents tradition of giving money to charity.‖ Relaxation Anchoring: Becoming ―Emotionally Flooded‖ as evidenced by the person being physically overaroused, with a pulse above 95 beats per minute, is associated with a guaranteed failure of conflict resolution. Couples who resolve conflicts learn to ―self nurture‖ and calm down (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 25-46).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
149
Rapport: Gottman‘s research demonstrates the power of what NLP calls matching and mirroring. Couples who can understand each other actually adjust their bodies to experience what the other person is experiencing. They breathe in time with each other, sit in similar positions, use similar voice tonality, and even their heart rates match (Gottman, 1999, p 27). Reflective Listening When The Other Owns A Problem: Gottman‘s research identified that reflective listening was the most powerful response offered by members of successful relationships when the other person is unhappy (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 87-89. I Messages and The Two Step: Gottman emphasizes ―The bottom-line rule is that, before you ask your partner to change the way he or she drives, eats or makes love, you must make your partner feel that you are understanding. If either (or both) of you feels judged, misunderstood, or rejected by the other, you will not be able to manage the problems in your marriage. This holds for big problems and small ones…There‘s a big difference between ―You are such a lousy driver. Would you please slow down before you kill us?‖ and ―I know how much you enjoy driving fast. But it makes me really nervous when you go over the speed limit. Could you please slow down?‖ Maybe that second approach takes a bit longer. But that extra time is worth it since it is the only approach that works. It‘s just a basic fact that people can change only if they feel they are basically liked and accepted as they are.‖ (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 149). Conflict Resolution: John Gottman found that conflicts occurred in even the best relationships, and that effective couples might get very emotional (even angry) as they talked about such issues, but they avoided certain key destructive behaviours. Those core behaviours to avoid (listed by Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 2546) include a harsh start-up comment instead of an I message. Contempt of the other person, conveyed nonverbally by raised eyebrows and a sneering facial expression, or verbally by mockery of the person‘s position, sarcasm and hostile humour is the most serious of the behaviours, it is the fastest way to predict separation, and it is virtually unseen in successful relationships (Gottman, 1999, p 128) Values Conflicts: John Gottman found that 69% of all relationship conflicts were in this category, in both successful and unsuccessful relationships (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 130). Gottman calls these conflicts ―unsolvable problems‖, where the partners‘ basic dreams are in conflict. He doesn‘t mean that nothing can be done about such conflicts; simply that they cannot be resolved in a session of ―problem-solving‖ talk. In fact, he notes that successful couples learn to respect and honour each other‘s differing values, and accept that the difference will continue for some time. Bibliography: Gottman, J.M. and Silver, N. The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work Three Rivers Press, New York, 1999 Gottman, J.M. The Marriage Clinic W.W. Norton and Co., New York, 1999 Wilson, G.D., and McLaughlin, C. The Science of Love Fusion Press, London, 2001
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
150
Conflict Resolution CHUNK UP Overview Generalisation Permanent
Conflict Situation Each person has a different overview, which feels permanent and “true”
Temporary Specific Details
CHUNK DOWN
Practice
Think of an actual conflict situation you‟ve experienced
Step Two: Create a shared definition of the outcome using the Agreement Frame (the word “AND”): “So we‟re seeking a solution where you get... and I get...”
Step One: Have each person share their sensory specific concerns (using I messages). Verbal pacing is crucial to check each feels understood.
Step Three: Find specific solutions which meet all the intentions described in step Two. Only chunk down as quickly as you can keep rapport.
Describe what each person was concerned about in sensory specific language:
Create a shared definition of what each person basically intended, connected with the word and.
Generate at least 3 specific solutions to meet both sets of intentions:
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
151
Time Line Therapy
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
152
Time Line Therapy™ Time Line Therapy™ is a registered trademark of Tad James, licenced exclusively to the Time Line Therapy™ Association, Inc. (of which Dr Richard Bolsad is a member). Association members in good standing are authorised to use this trademark in conjunction with their practice of Time Line therapy™ techniques. Contact
[email protected] for further information. You are encouraged by the Time Line Therapy™ Association to share what you learn here, provided that only approved institutes may claim to teach Time Line Therapy™ Practitioner Trainings.
Elicitation of the Time Line A. Resourceful State B. Establish Rapport C. While observing all non-verbal behaviour, say...“If I were to ask your unconscious mind, where your past is, and where your future is, I have an idea that you might say, “It‟s from right to left, or front to back, or up to down, or in some direction from you in relation to your body. And it‟s not your conscious concept that I‟m interested in, it‟s your unconscious. So, if I were to ask your unconscious mind where‟s your past, to what direction would you point?” [Observe] “And your future, what direction would you point if I asked your unconscious mind, where‟s your future?” D. Use the following questions only if the result above is unclear. 1. "Remember something that happened 1 week ago....Notice where the memory comes from (or goes to)." Repeat 1 & 2 for 1 month ago, 1 year ago, and 10 years ago. 2. Repeat 1 & 2 for 1 month in the future, 1 year in the future, 5 years in the future, and 10 years in the future. NOTE: As you elicit the Time Line, make sure that you understand that however your client does it (how they organise the past and future) is perfect for your client. Make no value judgements about the organisation of your client‟s Time Line until you find out if it works for your client. Maintain the relationship with the unconscious mind so as to discover the unconscious storage and organisation. The arrangement may be linear or it may not. Allow your language to discover and do not install the Time Line for your client.
Adapted from © Tad James 2007. Used with Permission. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
153
Optional Preparation For Time Line Therapy “Now, would you bring to mind the directions that you pointed to (or the memories of the past and future that you noticed). Do you notice that they imply a line?” If no: “Well, could you notice that?” If still no: “How would it look if for purposes of this process, it were stretched out in a line?” “Good, now when I say line, I don‟t mean to imply only visual, because in a moment I‟M going to ask you to float up above that line, and by float, I also mean as sounds floating on the wind, or floating in the bathtub, or visually. However you float up above your time line is perfect. So, can you just float up above your time line and float back into the past (pause). Are you there?” “And now, float out into your future (pause). Are you there? Now, float up higher. Float so high that your time line becomes one inch long. (pause). Good, float back to now, and float down into now and come back in the room. (pause). How was that?”
If A Client Associates Into Trauma During Time Line Therapy It is not the intent of Time Line Therapy™ to associate the client into a traumatic memory, however if your client associates into an unwanted memory here is what to do: 1. "Where are you?" If the client is feeling the emotions, the client is in the memory - in position 4.) 2. Whatever the client says, "Good, just get up above the Time Line so you are looking down on the event." 3. (Pause) "Are you above the Time Line?" (If no, then go back to #2) 4. If yes, "Good now make sure you are in Position 3. (Pause) Now, where are the emotions?" Sometimes the Time Line Therapy™ Practitioner, although patient, has to be quite forceful or authoritarian in getting the client to get above the Time Line. Remember it is important for the client's comfort to get him or her out of the traumatic memory as soon as possible. While we say that negative emotions are good, it is also not good to hold on to the emotions. If the client remains associated it just strengthens the emotions. 5. If steps 1-4 do not work then stand up and clap your hands over the client's head and say, "Open your eyes and look up at the ceiling. Keep your eyes up." (With client's eyes open, go to step #2.) 6. If step #5 does not work, stand up and say to the client, "Stand up and walk with me." Then walk the client around the room at high speed while you do the Time Line Therapy Process while the client is walking. 7. You may also need to use the NLP Fast Phobia Cure. Adapted from © Tad James 2007. Used with Permission. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
154
Beginning Time Line Therapy Identifying the Root Cause and Pretesting Use for Removing a Stressful Emotion or Limiting Decision 1. Resourceful State 2. Establish Rapport 3. Pre-test: “Think of a time when [the emotion you are removing or the decision you are clearing] was a problem. Notice that you can still feel some of the feeling in that event now. You‟d know if that changed wouldn‟t you.” “Is it alright for your unconscious mind for you to release this emotion (or decision) today and for you to be aware of it consciously?” 4. Identifying the root cause: “What is the root cause of this problem, the first event which, when disconnected, will cause the problem to disappear? If you were to know, was it before, during, or after your birth?” - IF BEFORE: “In the womb or before?” IF IN THE WOMB:“What month, from one to nine?” IF BEFORE:“Was it a past life or passed down to you from your parents and ancestors?” PAST LIFE: “How many lifetimes ago?” PASSED DOWN: “How many generations ago?” If both genealogical and past life, clear the earlier one first, then clear the other. - IF AFTER: “If you were to know, what age were you?” If the person says “I don‟t know what the root cause is.” Then say “I know you don‟t know, but if you did…. Take whatever comes up…. Trust your unconscious mind.” 5. Go to page 139 (Removing a Stressful Emotion), or 141 (Removing a Limiting Decision). Adapted from © Tad James 2007. Used with Permission. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
155
Removing a Stressful Emotion From The Time Line Used with Permission. Adapted from © Tad James 2007
1) Following on from p. 138 “Float up in the air, way above your Time Line.” "Float all the way back so you are directly above the event looking down on it [Position 2]. Let me know when you are there…. Notice where the emotions are. Ask your unconscious mind what it needs to learn from the event, the learning of which will allow you to let go of the emotions easily and effortlessly. Your unconscious mind can preserve all the positive learnings. Tell me what some of those learnings are. (Check the learnings are positive, about self and future oriented). Whatever positive learnings you need to have learned from this event, preserve them in that special place you reserve for all such learnings.” 2) “Now float back to a position above the event and at least 15 minutes before any of the events which led up to that event [Position 3]. Turn so that you are looking towards now... Now where have the emotions gone?” If they've gone say "Great" and go on to 3) on the next page. If the emotion does not disappear then: First, check you're at the root cause event
"Are you before the first event?" [If not go back to 1)] Second, check position is high enough and back enough
"Get high enough and far enough back until the emotion disappears." Third, check the unconscious is totally agreeable to let go of the emotion. Reframe objections as follows... a. Learning "I know that there's a part of you that may have been
holding on to the emotions so as to learn something from this event. I'd like to ask that part to take responsibility for storing all the positive learnings from this event so it's okay to let go of the emotions now. What is there to have learned from this event, the learning of which will allow you to easily let go of the emotion? If you let go of the emotions and preserve the learnings, you will have learned what you needed to learn now." From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
156
b. Safety: "And if there's any part of you that believed that storing those
emotions could keep you safe, I'd like that part to notice now that holding onto the emotion hasn't kept you safe. Actually holding on to that emotion was dangerous for your health. Anything less than completely releasing it and preserving the learnings about taking care of yourself is not keeping you totally safe." c. Any Other Intention: "I'd like to talk to the part of you that thinks it
would rather not let go of this emotion and I'd like to ask the part to tell me its highest intention." Keep asking its intention for that until the intention is clearly one better served by letting go of the emotion. Then point that out (as in the two reframes above.)
3) The following statement can be made before or after the emotion is gone. "Imagine an infinite source of love and healing above your head, and allow it to flow down to your heart and from your heart to the person in the event below until that person is totally healed." 4) “Now float down inside the event looking through the eyes of that earlier person [Position 4], and check on the emotions. Check that it feels emotionally balanced. Stay there as long as it takes to know that the emotions are fully cleared. Are the emotions there or have they disappeared now. ?” If they've gone say "Great" and go on to 5). If they're still there go back to 2).
5) “Float back up above and before the events leading up to that event [Position 3]. Now come back along your time line only as quickly as you can realise that your unconscious mind has preserved all the learnings, and let go of the similar emotions on all the related events all the way back to now.” 6) “Good. Floating above now, look out into the future, and notice that the changes spread out into the future opening up new possibilities and creating new happiness. Knowing that those changes will continue, float down into now and come back into the room.... That was a major shift wasn‟t it.” 7) “Now try and think of that situation where that emotion used to be a problem; the one you thought of before we started. Notice that it‟s changed now!” “And when you think of a future time which in the past would have brought up that backlog of emotion, notice that now that‟s changed too!” From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
157
Removing a Limiting Decision (Or a Non-Traumatic Stressful Emotion) From The Time Line Used with Permission. Adapted from © Tad James 2007
1) Following on from p. 138 “Float up in the air, way above your Time Line.” "Float all the way back so you are at the time of the event, and float down into the event where the decision was made[Position 4], only for as long as it takes for you to notice what emotions are present and also notice if you are aware of the decision that was made there. Ask your unconscious mind what it needs to learn from the event, the learning of which will allow you to let go of the emotions easily and effortlessly. Your unconscious mind can preserve all the positive learnings. Tell me what some of those learnings are. (Check the learnings are positive, about self and future oriented). Preserve whatever positive learnings you need to have learned from this event.” 2) “Now float back to a position above the event and at least 15 minutes before any of the events which led up to that event [Position 3]. Turn so that you are looking towards now... Now where have the emotions gone?” If they've gone "Great, and the decision, notice it disappeared too?" & go to 3). If the emotion and decision do not disappear then: First, check you're at the root cause event
"Are you before the first event?" [If not go back to 1)] Second, check position is high enough and back enough "Get high enough and far enough back until the emotion disappears." Third, check the unconscious is totally agreeable to let go of the emotion and the decision. Reframe objections as follows... a. Learning "I know that there's a part of you that may have been
holding on to the emotions or the decision so as to learn something from this event. I'd like to ask that part to take responsibility for storing all the positive learnings from this event so it's okay to let go of the emotions and the decision now. What is there to have learned from this event, the learning of which will allow you to easily let go of the decision? If you let go of the emotions and preserve the learnings, you will have learned what you needed to learn now." From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
158
b. Safety: "And if there's any part of you that believed that storing those
emotions or that decision could keep you safe, I'd like that part to notice now that holding onto the emotion or decision hasn't kept you safe. Actually holding on to it was dangerous for your health. Anything less than completely releasing it and preserving the learnings about taking care of yourself is not keeping you totally safe." c. Any Other Intention: "I'd like to talk to the part of you that thinks it
would rather not let go of this emotion or decision and I'd like to ask the part to tell me its highest intention." Keep asking its intention for that until the intention is clearly one better served by letting go of the emotion, and the decision. Then point that out (as in the two reframes above.)
3) The following statement can be made before or after the emotion and decision are gone. "Imagine an infinite source of love and healing above your head, and allow it to flow down to your heart and from your heart to the person in the event below until that person is totally healed." 4) “Now float down inside the event looking through the eyes of that earlier person [Position 4], and check on the emotions. Check that it feels emotionally balanced, and that the decision is gone. Stay there as long as it takes to know that the emotions and decision are fully cleared.” If they've gone say "Great. And notice that the decision is gone too" and go on to 5). If they're still there go back to 2).
5) “Float back up above and before the events leading up to that event [Position 3]. Now come back along your time line only as quickly as you can realise that your unconscious mind has preserved all the learnings, and let go of that decision on all the related events all the way back to now. As you come back, notice at least three events where that old decision once held you back from the new choices you now have.” 6) “Good. Floating above now, look out into the future, and notice that the changes spread out into the future opening up new possibilities and creating new happiness. Knowing that those changes will continue, float down into now and come back into the room.... That was a major shift wasn‟t it.” “Now try and think of that situation where that decision used to be a problem; the one you thought of before we started. Notice that it‟s changed now!” “And when you think of a future time which in the past would have brought up that old decision, notice that now that‟s changed too!” From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
159
Placing A Goal In Your Future Time Line 1.
Resourceful state.
2.
Establish rapport.
3.
Be sure the goal is SPECIFYed Sensory specific: ―When?‖ ―What will you see, hear and feel when you have it?‖ Positive: If stated negatively, ―If you don‘t have that, what will you have?‖ Ecological: ―What else will change if you have that?‖ ―Is that okay?‖ Choice: ―Does this increase your choices?‖ Initiated by self: ―What action will you need to take to support this goal?‖ First step: ―What will be your first step?‖ Your resources: “What inner resources can you anchor to support you?”
4.
Clear any past obstacles on the Time Line, as limiting decisions.
5.
Get the last step “What is the last thing that has to happen so you know you got it?” Make a picture of this step - or Auditory/Kinesthetic representation.
6.
Step into the picture - associate. Adjust the qualities - the Submodalities to get a feeling of certainty. Step out of the picture - dissociate.
7.
Take the picture and float above now. Energise the picture with four deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth saying “Haaa”.
8.
Float out into the Future. Insert the picture into your Time Line.
9.
Notice the events between then & now re-evaluate themselves to support goal.
10.
Float back to now. Adapted from © Tad James 2007. Used with Permission. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
160
Time Line Therapy™ Research Medical Research Project shows reversal of asthma after as little as 3 hours! Time Line Therapy™ Research in Progress A number of research projects are currently investigating the effect of Neuro Linguistic Programming and Time Line Therapy (a specific NLP technique) on physical health. The prestigious Calgary medical school in Canada, for example, is investigating the success of Time Line Therapy™ with patients suffering from cancer. The NLP text "Time Line Therapy and the Basis of Personality" is used as a text in the Oncology (cancer treatment) section of this course. Our own NLP text "Transforming Communication" is used as a medical text in Auckland, New Zealand. One of the first clear pieces of research on NLP in health care to be completed was a study on the use of Time Line Therapy™ with asthma. This is a one year research study (May 1993-May 1994) into the treatment of asthmatics, done in Denmark. The results have been presented at a number of European conferences, including the Danish Society of Allergology Conference (August 1994), and the European Respiratory Society Conference (Nice, France, October 1994) "I got a new life" The study was run by General Practitioner Dr Jorgen Lund and NLP Master Practitioner Hanne Lund, from Herning, Denmark. Patients were selected from 8 general practices. 30 were included in the NLP Intervention group, and 16 in the control group. All received basic medical care including being supplied with medication. Most had never heard of NLP before, and many were completely unbelieving in it, or even terrified of it. Their motivation to do NLP was generally low. The intervention group had an initial day introduction to NLP and Time Line Therapy™, and then 3-36 hours (average 13) of NLP intervention. The NLP focus was not mainly on the asthma; it was on how the people lived their daily lives. The interventions used were: Clear anger, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt and the limiting decision relating to asthma using Time Line Therapy™ Use the NLP Trauma cure (an advanced technique able to be used in the Time Line Therapy™ format) on any traumatic event occurring at the time of the origin of the asthma. Use the NLP allergy cure on any allergies related to asthma. The results affected both the peoples general lives, and their asthma. Patients tended to describe their change subjectively as enabling them to be "more open", get "colossal strength and self confidence" "a new life" etc. Near Zero Drug Use; Stable Lung Function The lung capacity of adult asthmatics tends to decrease by 50ml a year average. This occurred in the control group. Meanwhile the NLP group increased their lung capacity by an average of 200ml (like reversing four years of damage in a year!). Daily variations in peak flow (an indicator of unstable lung function) began at 30%40%. In the control group they reduced to 25% but in the NLP group they fell to below 10% . Sleep disorders in the control group began at 70% and dropped to 30%. In the NLP group they began at 50% and dropped to ZERO. Use of asthma inhalers and acute medication in the NLP group fell to near ZERO. Implications Hanne Lund points out that the implications of this project reach far beyond asthma management. She says "We consider the principles of this integrated work valuable in treatment of patients with any disease, and the next step will be to train medical staff in this model." Hard evidence of the powerful effects of Time Line Therapy™ has been difficult to gather due to the scope of the method. This represents a great start! For Further Information Hanne Lund can be reached at NLP Creative Kommunikationa, Bredgade 11, DK 7400 Herning, Denmark
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
161
Huna: The Three Selves 1. Aumakua (Higher Self) Remains perfect Connected to all other Aumakua (a collective unconscious) Connected to God A guardian spirit Able to heal and achieve great powers
2. Uhane (Conscious Mind) Logical and rational Has free will Is the ―self‖ we think of usually
3. Unihipili (Unconscious Mind) Runs Basic Organism Functions In Order To: 1. Preserve the body. 2. Run the body according to blueprint of health. 3. Generate, store, distribute & transmit energy. 4. Control perceptions and transmit them to conscious. 5. Create emotions. Handles Memory In Order To: 6. Store all memories. 7. Organise all memories. 8. Repress memories with unresolved negative emotion. 9. Present repressed memories for resolution. 10. Keep repressed memories repressed for protection. 11. Respond based on habit patterns. Has A Special Style of Operation: 12. Be a highly moral being. 13. Follow orders and serve. (Ideodynamicism) 14. Take everything personally. 15. Use and respond to symbols. 16. Require repetition for long term projects. 17. Accept both/and logic. 18. Work with principle of least effort From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
162
Removing Anxiety From The Future 1. Resourceful State 2. Establish Rapport 3. Pre-test: “Think of the future event about which you have some anxiety now. You‟d know if that changed wouldn‟t you.” 4. Procedure: “Float up above the Time Line, and into the future at least fifteen minutes after the successful completion of that event about which you thought you were anxious. Tell me when you‟re up there.” 5. “Good. Now, turn and look towards now, along the Time Line. Now where‟s the anxiety gone?” If it‟s gone say "Great" and go on to 6) below. If the anxiety does not disappear then: First, check you're far enough past the end of the event and up
"Are you past the event? Get high enough and far enough forward until the anxiety disappears." Second, check the unconscious is totally agreeable to let go of the anxiety. Reframe objections as follows...
"I know that there's a part of you that may have been holding on to the anxiety so as to motivate you and protect you. I agree that those are important goals. But anxiety does not keep you safe, and it exhausts the body. Anything less than totally letting go of the anxiety is not enabling you to have the safety and energy you deserve. How can you ensure that safety and energy best once you have let go of the anxiety?” 6. “Float all the way back to now and come back down into your body. Notice how different it feels to think of that event now!”
Used with Permission. Adapted from © Tad James 2007 From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
163
Changing The Time Line Location Nb. Changes in the Time Line location and direction have a profound effect on the person‟s personality, and should be done only when considered necessary to reach major goals, and with the client‟s permission and ecology in mind. 1. Elicit the client‟s Time Line 2. Clean up the past (negative emotions and limiting decisions) 3. Check ecology “Here are the consequences of shifting the Time Line.... Is it OK with your unconscious mind to make this change for the specified time until we check again, and to be comfortable?” 4. Rotate the Time Line “Now, just float up above the Time Line, right above now, and rotate your Time Line into the new desired position, and tell me when you‟ve done that.” Classic Through Time: (On time for appointments, good for ability to check consequences of actions, dissociated, like decision-making) From left to right in front of the body, horizontal. Now is located near the centre. Memories are just below eye level and reach out a metre or so on each side. Classic In Time: (More involved in the moment, like openendedness, associated, good for ability to experience and have fun) From back to front, horizontal. Now is located in the body. Memories stretch quite a way back and are at the desired height. 5. “Great. Seal it in place, and float right down into the present, with your Time Line organised in this new way.” 6. Test and Futurepace. “As you think of it, will it be alright for your unconscious mind to leave the Time Line this way, and for you to be comfortable, until the time we‟ve arranged to check it?” If leaving it there, ask “Is there any reason in the future why you wouldn‟t be totally comfortable with this organisation of your Time Line?”
Used with Permission. Adapted from © Tad James 2007 From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
164
Values and Metaprograms
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
165
Eliciting Values Values are things that are important to us; criteria we use to decide what we will do, and evaluate what we have done. They are best understood when contextualised to areas of life (e.g. Career, Family, Relationships, Health and Fitness, Personal Growth, Spirituality). 1.
Resourceful state
2.
Establish Rapport
3.
Choose an area of life (X). Ask “What‟s important to you about X?”(write person‟s exact words)
4.
Ask “Think of a time when you were highly motivated towards X. What was important to you then?”
5.
Ask “Of the listed values, which is most important to you?” Then ask “If you have [the values already chosen] what is next most important to you?” Number the values, and rewrite the list in order.
6.
Check the order. For each consecutive pair of values, ask “Is Y more important than Z or is Z more important than Y?” Rewrite the list as needed.
7.
For each of the first four values, ask “What is important about this to you?” or “What does this mean to you?” or “How do you know when you have this?” This gives you the complex equivalent for each value, and tells you if the value is Towards or Away from (see Metaprograms section).
Values hierarchies are stored in a hierarchy of submodality changes.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
166
Metaprograms Metaprograms are powerful unconscious filters through which people experience and respond to the world. They are strategies which have become so central to a persons life that they run almost continuously, and modify other strategies (meta-strategies). The first four Metaprograms listed were first identified by Carl Jung. Metaprograms are utilised by employers to select the most appropriate personnel for jobs (using a test such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator). Knowing a person‟s Metaprograms can help build rapport. There are also N. L. P. techniques for changing Metaprograms. Here are some examples of Metaprograms and the questions, designed by N. L. P. trainer Tad James, to elicit them.
1.
Attitude Towards The External World: Introvert Extrovert. “When it‟s time to recharge your batteries, do you prefer to be alone (introvert) or with people (extrovert)?”
2.
Internal Process: Intuitor (interested in possibilities, relationships and meanings of events) - Sensor (interested in immediate practical facts). “If you were going to study a certain subject, would you be more interested solely in the facts and their use now (sensor) or would you be more interested in the ideas and relationships between the facts, and their applications in the future (intuitor)?”
3.
Internal State: Thinker - Feeler. “Do you make decisions relying more on logic and reason (thinker), or on personal values and feelings (feeler)?”
4.
Adaptive Response: Judger (controlling, orderly, decisive) - Perceiver (flexible, spontaneous).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
167
“If we were going to do a project together, would you prefer that it were outlined planned and orderly (Judger) or would you prefer we were able to be more flexible in the project (Perceiver)?”
5.
Direction Filter: Towards (moves towards what they like) - Away (moves away from what they don‟t like). “What do you want in a relationship”. “What do you want to do with your life”. In reply the person will talk either about what they positively want (towards) or what they don‟t want (away).
6.
Frame of Reference: External - Internal. “How do you know when you‟ve done a good job. Do you just know inside (internal) or do you know from what someone tells you (external)?”
7.
Relationship Filter: Matcher - Mismatcher. “What is the relationship between what you were doing last year and what you are doing this year?” The person will either describe similarities (matcher) or differences (mismatcher). “Are you more aware of the similarities between people or the differences between people?‟
We have already considered other metaprograms on this training, such as: Preference for Chunking up - Chunking down Preference for Visual/Auditory/Kinesthetic/Auditory digital Convincer strategy There are many more such Metaprograms identified. Note that in most cases there is a continuum (e.g., someone may mainly match, but sometimes mismatch; like a group leader who works to achieve consensus, but acknowledges differences).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
168
Hypnotherapy
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
169
Intonation Patterns
Word =
Question?
Word Word Word =
Statement
Word Word
Word Word Word =
Word
Word = Word
Command!
Embedded Suggestion
In western society, men have traditionally been encouraged to use
command tonality (to sound ―certain‖ when speaking‖) and women to use questioning tonality (to sound tentative or ―conciliatory‖ when speaking). There are advantages to becoming flexible enough to solicite another person‘s views when needed, and to emphasise the importance of a point when needed.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
170
Hypnosis, Psychotherapy And NLP: A History Egyptian Sleep Temples of Isis and Serapis 1500BC Greek Sleep Temples of Asclepius and Apollo 400BC Paracelus (1493-1541) ―Magic‖ Franz Anton Mesmer (1734-1815) ―Mesmerism‖ = ―Animal Magnetism‖ Jose Faria (1755-1819) ―Somnambulism‖
De La Fontaine
Maurice Chevreul (Pendulum use) De La Baguette Divinitorie 1854
James Braid (1795-1860) ―Hypnotism‖ Neurypnology 1843 August Liébeault (1823-1904) and Hyppolyte Bernheim (1823-1904)―Suggestibility‖ Sigmund Freud (1836-1939) +Joseph Breuer (1842-1925) Studies On Hysteria 1895 ―Psychoanalysis‖ Roberto Assagioli (18881974) ―Psychosynthesis‖
Jean Martin Charcot (1825-1893) Leçons Sur Les Maladies Du Système Nerveux 1887 ―Hysteria‖
Carl Jung (1875-1961) ―Analytical Psychology‖ Metaprogram Model
Wilhelm Reich (1897-1957)
Jacob Moreno (1892-1974) ―Psychodrama‖
Virginia Satir (1916-1988) ―Family Therapy‖ Metamodel, Outcome Frame
Fritz Perls (1893-1970) ―Gestalt Therapy‖ Parts Integration
Jurgen Ruesch & Gregory Bateson (1904-1980) Communication: The Social Matrix of Psychiatry 1951 Reframing
Pierre Janet (1849-1947) Subconscious Phenomena 1910 William James Principles Of Psychology 1890 Submodalities VAK sensory Systems
Milton H. Erickson (19021980) Milton Model, Hypnosis
Ivan Pavlov (1849-1936) ―Incomplete Sleep‖ ―Conditioned Reflexes‖ ―Behaviourism‖ Anchoring Clark Hull Hypnosis and Suggestibility 1933 ―Acquired Responses‖ Leslie Le Cron & David Cheek Clinical Hypnotherapy 1968 ―Ideomotor Signals‖ Alfred Korzybski (1879-1950) Science and Sanity 1933 ―General Semantics‖ ―NeuroLinguistics‖ Linguistics
Richard Bandler & John Grinder The Structure of Magic Vol 1 and 2 1975 & 1976, ―NLP‖ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
George Miller, Eugene Gallanter & Karl Pribram Plans and the Structure of Behaviour 1960 Strategies
171
An Example of a Verbal Induction (Adapted from Milton Erickson) A.
Resourceful State
B.
Establish Rapport. Have person place their hands on thighs.
C.
Ask Questions with Statement or Command Tonality
1.
Would you like to find a spot that you can look at comfortably?
2.
As you continue looking at that spot for awhile, do your eyelids want to blink?
3.
Will those lids begin to blink together or separately?
4.
Slowly or quickly?
5.
Will they close all at once or flutter all by themselves first?
6.
Will those eyes close more and more as you get more and more comfortable?
7.
That‟s fine. Can those eyes now remain closed as your comfort deepens like when you go to sleep?
8.
Can that comfort continue more and more so that you‟d rather not even try to open your eyes?
9.
Or would you rather try and find you cannot?
10.
And how soon will you forget about them altogether because your unconscious wants to dream?
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
172
D.
Questions To Suggest Arm Lifting
1.
Can you feel comfortable resting your hands gently on your thighs? That‟s right.
2.
Can those hands rest ever so lightly so that the fingertips just barely touch your thighs?
3.
That‟s right. As they rest ever so lightly, do you notice how they tend to lift up a bit all by themselves with each breath you take?
4.
Do they begin to lift even more lightly and easily by themselves as the rest of your body relaxes more and more?
5.
As that goes on, does one hand or the other or maybe both continue lifting even more?
6.
And does that hand [or “And do those hands…” if both lift] stay up and continue lifting even higher and higher, bit by bit, all by itself [“themselves”] ? Does the other hand want to catch up or will one hand relax in your lap. (Use 7-9 only if hand begins to lift up.)
7.
That‟s right. And does the hand continue lifting with these sudden little jerking movements, or does the lifting get smoother and smoother as the hand continues upward toward your face? That‟s right. (Repeat this piece as many times as needed for up to 3 minutes. If no further movement towards face, go to next page).
8.
Does the hand move more quickly as it approaches your face with deepening comfort? Does it need to pause a bit before it finally moves up and touches your face so you‟ll know you are going into a trance? And it won‟t touch until your unconscious is really ready to let you go deeper now, will it?
9.
And will your body automatically take a deeper breath when that hand touches your face as you really relax and experience yourself going deeper? From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
173
E.
Questions To Suggest Learnings and Reawakening
10.
That‟s right. And will you even bother to notice the deepening comfortable feeling when the hand slowly returns to your lap all by itself? And will your unconscious be in a dream by the time that hand comes to rest?
11.
And can you imagine, while you dream, all the ways in which your unconscious mind is using this time to heal itself, to integrate new learnings and to heal and revitalise your body? And has it noticed how quickly those profound changes can have happened, because at the unconscious level there is no time? 12.Good. And how soon will you enjoy becoming more awake and refreshed, remembering where you are and the changes that you went through? Will you be fully awake and refreshed before your eyes open, or will you simply open your eyes and be completely back here in the room, energised and comfortable, now.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
174
Establishing Communication With The Unconscious Mind Using “Ideomotor Signals” ERICKSON Establish the Goal for the session “What do you want to be different?” “How will you know when it‟s changed? What will you see, what will you hear, what will you be saying to yourself, and how will you feel?”
Rapport Breathe in time with the person. Sit in a mirroring position. Adjust your voice to be more similar to theirs. Pace and lead, for example: “OK, let‟s begin. As you sit there in that chair, listening to my voice, there‟s really no need to try to relax any more than you naturally relax right now... because you have a goal, which is to ... [describe their goal]... and it‟s a goal which you may have tried to achieve consciously before, but it‟s not your conscious mind that can make sure things like that happen; it‟s your unconscious...so your conscious mind can simply be aware of how, as you listen to my voice, your eyelids can grow tired and heavy, because why try to hold them open when they want to blink, they want to close shut now... so let them close; that‟s right.”
Induction Suggest deepening relaxation; for example: “And I wonder if you‟ve ever been in a trance this deep before right now... or if you‟re not really sure how deep a trance can be now; that‟s right, because it‟s not your conscious mind that knows how deep you are, at the deepest level, it‟s your unconscious mind, and your unconscious knows and eyes and ears can sense the deepening relaxation... and any sounds apart from my voice will only remind you how fully you‟re relaxing From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
175
now, because you only need to hear this voice right now; hear? ... and if I lift up your hand a little, like this ... [lift up hand as for arm catalepsy] ... you can already know that while you thought you were holding it up there consciously, only your unconscious knows the exact moment when it began to float there all by itself, and how as it floats down to your lap the sense of comfort can spread more and more...”
Cues (Signals) set up Suggest one finger signals “yes” and one “no”. eg “and I‟d like to ask your unconscious to allow one of the fingers on this hand to move, to be an honest, unconscious signal for “yes”, and your conscious mind can just be curious which finger is going to jerk up on its own, in an unconscious way, now... [repeat if needed, until a finger signals by moving] ... that‟s right, very good...and in the same way, you may not know consciously which finger on the same hand your unconscious is going to move as a signal for “no”, but your unconscious no‟s now... [repeat if needed, until a finger signals by moving] ... that‟s right, very good.”
Know-how? And is it O.K.? “So speaking to your unconscious mind, you know you‟ve run the body for all this person‟s lifetime, and you‟ve been able to surprise them by having them learn things they didn‟t even know they learned but they did, you know, and so the first question I want you to signal an unconscious response to is “Do you know how to ensure this person reaches their goal of ... [state their goal] ... and just signal by moving one of those fingers to let us know if you do now... [repeat if needed, until a finger signals by moving] ... thank you and the next question I want to ask you is “Is it Okay to make those changes now, so the person reaches their goal. Is it okay?” and again just signal with an unconscious finger movement ... [repeat if needed, until a finger signals by moving] ... thank you.”
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
176
Suggestions to Change The suggestions to change will depend on whether you got a “yes” answer for both the above questions or not. [If you got a “YES” to both questions] “So now that you know it‟s okay to make those changes, and you know how to make them, I‟d like you to do those things that are needed right now, completing them as quickly as is safe to do so” And I‟d like you to tell me by moving a finger; will you be finished making these changes in ... [choose a time period and if you get a “no” ask again for a longer time period, until the yes finger signals by moving] ...
[If you got a “NO” to either question…] If you got a “no” for Know How: “I‟d like you, the unconscious mind, to remember that you have contact with every cell in the body and every neural network; so you can make any changes needed to achieve this outcome. In fact, you‟ve done this sort of thing before. Do you remember that now?” Once you have a “Yes” go to statement on left. If you got a “no” for OK: “So I‟d like you to consider at the unconscious level what changes are needed first, to make sure it will be okay to reach this goal, and for you to learn how to do that, and take that action now. And if there was any part of you that thought it wasn‟t OK to do that now, I‟d like that part to consider that anything less than allowing you to achieve this goal fully is not totally keeping you safe and ensuring that you have learned what you needed to learn from this whole experience. And that part can take responsibility now for preserving those learnings so that its okay for you to change now.” Once you have a “Yes” go to statement on left.
Ongoing Proof Suggest some experience that the unconscious mind can give the person to be convincing evidence that something has changed now. Eg “and I‟m wondering how soon you‟ll begin to feel the feelings that go with allowing yourself to have changed fully....perhaps tonight you‟ll dream a dream that can be a sign of your ability to make these changes, your ability to learn new things. And the finger that was signalling “yes” will continue to tingle, and feel different for the next couple of days, especially when you are taking action that is important to achieving your goal... and let From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
177
that signal remind you of the infinite healing power of your unconscious mind. You may find that that “yes” finger continues to tingle pleasantly over the next couple of days whenever you wonder what other, unexpected positive benefits this process will have had. That‟s a sign of the depth of the change; you‟re wondering I mean.”
Normal Awareness Returns Invite the person awake again eg: “But for now I‟d like you to take another breath, and wake up again, more and more fully awake and energised by the experience. And I‟d like you to notice, as you come awake, how when you try to think about that old problem in the way you used to, something has changed now! Welcome back to the room.”
Nb In the less usual case of the fingers being too relaxed to lift up and provide signals, the person may open their eyes, lift up the hand, hang a pendulum from their fingers and ask the unconscious mind to move it back and forth in one direction for “yes” and in another direction for “no”.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
178
Arm Catalepsy A catalepsy is a state of balanced muscle tone. In arm catalepsy, the arm or hand becomes tight in a balanced (i.e., all over) way. Control of the arm muscles becomes unconscious. The arm may feel stiff, numb, or feel as if it is not there, to the person's conscious mind. Producing an arm catalepsy helps convince the person that trance will work. It also causes a light trance, often in just a few seconds. This is why it's called a "Leverage" technique.
Creating Arm Catalepsy 1.
Linguistic Ambiguity "Can I borrow your arm?" "Just hold your arm up there and realise that you can't hold it there consciously: only your unconscious can hold it there and make it float like that." "Hold your arm there and begin to wonder when it began to hold itself up." "Watch your hand closely." (pointing at watch). "Is this your ring that you're hearing?" (pointing at ring). "Do you know that your unconscious knows how to hold your hand there and I can see it beginning to float." (point to own nose and eye).
2.
Kinesthetic Ambiguity Touch the person's wrist above and below with small, repeated uncertain touches. Stroke the fingers or hand, or push the fingers gently to show the catalepsy (while suggesting that it will increase).
3.
Additional Suggestions Say "That's right!" continually to encourage. Pull strings from the sides and top of the hand. "Did you know your hand has strings that can move it around."
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
179
Integral Eye Movement Therapy (IEMT) Adapted from Andrew Austin: a) Resourceful state for the Practitioner. b) Establish rapport c) Elicit the undesired state Ask: “What is the feeling you want to change?”… “And out of ten, how strong is this feeling, with ten being as strong as it can be?” Ask: “And how familiar is this feeling?”… “I thought so; that‟s why it‟s a problem.” Ask: “And when was the first time that you can remember feeling this feeling… now … it may not be the first time it ever happened, but rather the first time that you can remember now.” Allow the client 20-40 seconds to access an event. Do not offer guidance or advice and allow the client to perform his or her own search. When client has accessed their earliest recollection ask: “And how vivid is this memory now?” d) Do the Eye Movement Process Tell the client: “OK, look at my hand and keep your head still. As I move my fingers hold that memory vividly in your mind for as long as possible… and if this memory fades, try very hard to bring it back… try as hard as you can to retain that experience.” Face the person with your hand a metre from their face. Tell them to stop moving their head, until they actually do stop. Use smooth even movements and a wide range. Move back and forward starting with horizontal movement (A) and then with corner to corner across the centre (C). Do three movements each way. If one movement is very easy, use others. Continue until client protests that they cannot retain or recall visual memory. e) Perform The Three Tests/Futurepaces Test 1. Ask: “And how does that memory feel now?” Test 2. Ask: “And what happens when you try access that feeling now?” Test 3. Ask: “And when you think about the possibility of that kind of event in the future now, what comes up for you now?” If a negative kinesthetic emerges then repeat the process and locate next memory. Eye Movement Integration (EMI) was developed by Connirae and Steve Andreas in 1989. Similar processes are noted in previous Reichian Therapy, and of course previously NLP trained psychologist Francine Shapiro has a similar method called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). Andrew Austin has a quicker protocol which he calls Integral Eye Movement Therapy (IEMT) on which these notes are based.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
180
Finding NLP Resources
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
181
Richard‟s Recommended Reading List (2005) The following books are listed in random order, and do not constitute a definitive selection. The point is to give you some places to start reading for the specific ongoing learning that you want. The categories are: Introductions and Basic Manuals Business Sports Health Care Training and Education Arts Relationships Spirituality Modelling Metaphor Sources Therapy, Counselling and Personal Change Introductions and Basic Manuals Transforming Communication. Richard Bolstad, Pearsons, Auckland 2004 This is an introduction to NLP and to the field of co-operative communication. Used as a text for doctors, nurses, counsellors, group workers etc, it is also the basis of a 4 day course which Transformations runs, and a user friendly introduction. It covers all the basic concepts of NLP, the trauma cure, swish, anchoring, higher intentions etc, and gives valuable background for those wanting to use NLP in a “counselling format” too. Pro-fusion. Richard Bolstad and Margot Hamblett, Transformations, Christchurch 1997 This covers the basics of NLP, gives background to all the core concepts of the NLP Practitioner course, and considers the field in a context which includes Chi Kung, complimentary healing, social change and environmental ecology. Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Joseph O'Conner and John Seymour, Crucible, London. 1990 A very thorough text/manual for an NLP Practitioner course. An accessible and methodical introduction to NLP from two of NLP‟s most prolific writers. Unlimited Power. Anthony Robbins, Simon & Schuster, New York. 1987 Covers the entire Practitioner course and some Master Practitioner things in an inspiring (if at times very American) way.The best selling NLP book of all time. Personal Development and Business focus. Heart of the Mind. Connirae Andreas and Tamara Andreas, Real People Press, Moab, Utah.1989 A book we refer clients to for great stories of the success of NLP processes. Clear explanations, excellent examples.A good overview of the personal applications of NLP.Gives specific processes for situations: Trauma Cure, Allergy Cure, Grief Process, Slender Eating Strategy, Spelling, Healing, Assertiveness NLP Workbook. Joseph O‘Connor, Thorson‘s, London, 2001 Here is the text that Joseph O‟Connor uses for his NLP Practitioner Training. Not a general purpose introduction, but a workbook for those who don‟t plan to take the training yet. The Sourcebook of Magic. L Michael Hall and Barbara P. Belnap, Crown House, Bancyfelin, 2000 Another text for NLP Practitioner Training. Not a general purpose introduction, but a workbook for those who don‟t plan to take the training yet. NLP: The New Technology of Achievement. Edited Steve Andreas and Charles Faulkner, William Morrow & Co, New York, 1994 A self-help guide to all the basic NLP stuff. Work your way through a 21 day program of identifying your mission and using NLP to change yourself.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
182
Business NLP For Managers. Harry Alder, Piatkus, London, 1996 A clear introduction to the whole field of NLP as applied in management and personal success. Managing With The Power of NLP. David Molden, Pitman, London, 1996 Another full introduction to NLP uses in management, including creativity, self-management etc. Covers all the NLP content! Practical NLP For Managers. Ian McDermott and Joseph O‘Connor, Gower, Hampshire, 1996 Covering all the management issues usually discussed in business training, from an NLP viewpoint, including teams, learning organisations etc. NLP Business Masterclass. David Molden, Pearson Education, London, 2001 Reviews all the core NLP patterns and then details applications in training, management, modelling etc. Visionary Leadership Skills. Robert Dilts, Meta, Capitola, 1996 A presentation of Robert Dilts models for clarifying the role of a leader and aligning an organisation around its mission and vision. NLP At Work. Sue Knight, Nicholas Brealey, London, 1995 A thorough introduction to the application of NLP in all business settings, with self improvement exercises and clear explanations. NLP Solutions. Sue Knight, Nicholas Brealey, London, 1999 A guidebook for the use of modelling in the business setting. Links to training and coaching as well as specific applications such as telemarketing. Skills for the Future. Robert Dilts and Gino Bonissone, Meta Publications, Cupertino, California.1993 Advanced NLP skills in a business/management context.Focus on the TOTE model and Disney creativity strategy. Manual style layout as used by Dilts with the Italian Fiat Corporation managers. Coaching Conversations. L. Michael Hall and Michelle Duval, Neuro-Semantics, Clifton, Colorado, 2003 A model of coaching as a structured conversation. Covers all Michael Hall‟s metamodel updates and his matrix model. Includes Richard Bolstad‟s RESOLVE model. The NLP Coach. Ian McDermott and Wendy Jago, Piatkus, London, 2001 A very thorough overview of the use of NLP skills in the coaching relationship in business. Consult Yourself. Carol Harris, Crown House, Bancyfelin, 2001 An NLP based text for Management Consultants. Links made to several other management consulting models. Practical advice for you as a consultant and for what you teach others to do. Successful Selling With NLP. Joseph O‘Connor and Robyn Prior, Harper Collins, London, 1995 A new way of thinking about selling (as focused on assisting buying), utilising all the NLP models to support this. Also covers Sales Management. Very thorough. Selling With NLP. Kerry L. Johnson, Nicholas Brealey, London, 1994 Another overview of NLP in sales, including some core communication skills from outside NLP too. Not quite as full as O‟Connor and Prior‟s but still great.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
183
Sports Champion Thoughts, Champion Feelings. Jeffrey Hodges, Sportsmind Institute, Brisbane, 1998 Deals with goalsetting, developing positive mental attitudes (including learning from both success and defeat) and mission. Based on Hodges work with over 3000 sportspeople, including a modelling project with 893 in many different sports. Sporting Excellence. Ted Garratt, Anglo-American, Bancyfelin, 1998 NLP ideas for warmup, practising, mental rehearsal, evolving your performance etc.in any sport and at any level. NLP & Sports. Joseph O'Connor, Thorsons, London, 2001 A very systematic presentation of NLP for sports. Probably the best place to start in this field. Masterstroke. Harry Alder and Karl Morris with Ian Woosman, Piatkus, London, 1997 A presentation of NLP models and their specific applications to golf.
Health Care Pro-fusion. Richard Bolstad and Margot Hamblett, Transformations, Christchurch 1997 This covers the basics of NLP, gives background to all the core concepts of the NLP Practitioner course, and considers the field in a context which includes Chi Kung, complimentary healing, social change and environmental ecology. You‟re Sharp Enough To Be Your Own Surgeon. Keith Clark, Pau Publications, Seal Beach, California, 1993 The Body Contouring Program involves trancework to modify your body shape in precise ways. Males need to modify the sample script… unless you want larger breasts and smaller hips. Beliefs. Robert Dilts, Tim Hallbom, and Suzi Smith, Metamorphous Press, Portland, Oregon.1990 An exploration of NLP use in health issues. Belief changes, Values, Parts Integration, Allergy cure, Anchoring, Inspiring examples; excellent process although poorly chunked. Making A Difference In Cancer Care. Clare Rushworth, Souvenir, London, 1994 Visualisation skills, communication skills and the use of the trauma cure etc for clients with cancer. NLP and Health. Ian McDermott and Joseph O‘Connor, Harper Collins, London, 1996 A full exploration of NLP in health and all the related information. Great for clients as well as health practitioners. Very systematic. Hypnosis and Suggestion in the Treatment of Pain. Edited by Joseph Barber, Norton & Co, New York, 1996 Everything you could want to use Ericksonian hypnotherapy in cases of pain. Covers thoroughly all the side issues and research. Not for beginners. The Journey. Brandon Bays, Thorsons, London, 1999 Brandon Bays, a trainer with Tony Robbins, cured herself of a basketball sized cancer. Here's the NLP compatible process she evolved from that experience. A combination of body-awareness and time line work. Consulting With NLP. Lewis Walker, Radcliffe Medical Press, Abingdon, Oxford, UK, 2002 A thorough introduction to the use of NLP in general medical practice. Uses a model similar to RESOLVE and links it into medical consultation models. Special sections include how to break bad news, how to respond to complaints etc. A must have for doctors interested in NLP. Changing With NLP. Lewis Walker, Radcliffe Medical Press, Abingdon, Oxford, UK, 2004 The casebook appendix to “Consulting with NLP”. Explains all the core NLP change patterns and gives case studies of their use in general medical practice. Also discusses the links to other psychotherapies esp cognitive behavioural therapy. Explains Richard Bolstad‟s Personal Strengths model. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
184
Training and Education Rediscover The Joy of Learning. Don Blackerby, Success Skills, Oklahoma, 1996 The use of NLP to resolve Attention Deficit Disorder and Dyslexia. How to teach so as to develop students‟ visual memory. Use Your Memory. Tony Buzan, BBC, London, 2000 The memory peg system explained in detail. Presenting Magically. Tad James and David Shephard, Crown Publishing, Bancyfelin, 2001 Transformations-compatible model of NLP training including the 4MAT, use of energy in training, anchors etc. The Mind Map Book. Tony Buzan and Barrry Buzan, BBC, London, 2004 Buzan‟s book is very fundamentalist (only one word per mind map branch is allowed) but it remains the definitive introduction to mind mapping. Training Trances. John Overdurf and Julie Silverthorn, Metamorphous, Portland, Oregon, 1995 A book about trancework and teaching and the combination of the two. Awesome language patterns from one of the best NLP Ericksonian training teams! Training With NLP. Joseph O‘Connor and John Seymour, Thorsons, London, 1994 A great coverage of NLP use in training, and the designing of training to meet external criteria. Almost a text for NLP trainers. Very thorough. Skills to align yourself and to teach and respond to challenges. Super Teaching. Eric Jensen, Turning Point for Teachers, P.O. Box 2551, Del Mar, CA 92014. 1988 Designing and presenting accelerated learning experiences.Includes use of language patterns, sensory systems etc in classroom.A vast collection of ideas for teachers. Dynamic Learning. Robert B. Dilts and Todd A. Epstein, Meta, Capitola, 1995 Memory, reading skills, spelling strategies, creative writing, language learning etc from an NLP and modelling perspective. Great ideas. The Training Secrets of NLP. Richard Bolstad, Transformations, Christchurch, 2001 The secrets of the NLP Trainers‟ Training explained. Detailed analysis of how NLP training is done, including running a training business, design and assessment, and the Transformations models for teaching. How to run a board-break, how to do trancework in a group etc. Metacation, Volume 1, 2 and 3. Sid Jacobson, Meta, Cupertino, 1986 Applying basic NLP to the classroom situation. In Your Hands, NLP in ELT. Jane Revell and Susan Norman, Saffire Press, East Finchley, 1997 A thorough introduction to the use of NLP and metaphor in teaching languages (especially English language). Language Hungry. Tim Murphey, MacMillan, Tokyo, 1998 Great introduction to the use of NLP based student-friendly education in English Language. The Photoreading Whole Mind System. Paul R. Scheele, Learning Strategies, Wayzata, Minnesota, 1993 How to read any book in less than 30 minutes and remember more than you used to with normal reading. Yes, it works; and it‟s not quite as much fun as the old style reading. Tales For Trainers. Margaret Parkin, Kogan Page, London, 1998 Great explanation of the structure of metaphor use in teaching. There are better sources if what you‟re after is the stories though.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
185
Arts Step By Step To Standup Comedy. Greg Dean, Heinemann, Portsmouth, New Hampshire, 2000 An NLP approach to developing comedy routines. Dean has successfully modelled the structure of humour. The POWER Process. Dixie Elise Hickman and Sid Jacobson, Crown Publishing, Bancyfelin, 1997 An NLP approach to writing (literary, business and school) focusing on designing a creative state to write in, and constructing the product. Not Pulling Strings. Joseph O‘Connor, Lambent, London, 1987 The application of NLP to learning and playing music.O‟Connor is a classical guitarist and this is a great introduction to music from the inside.
Relationships Transforming Communication. Richard Bolstad, Pearsons, Auckland 2004 This is an introduction to NLP and to the field of co-operative communication. Used as a text for doctors, nurses, counsellors, group workers etc, it is also the basis of a 4 day course which Transformations runs, and a user friendly introduction. It covers all the basic concepts of NLP, the trauma cure, swish, anchoring, higher intentions etc, and gives valuable background for those wanting to use NLP in a “counselling format” too. Solutions. Leslie Cameron-Bandler, Real People Press, Moah, Utah. 1985 Early NLP (everything except submodalities) applied to couples work and sexual dysfunction.A clear, step-bystep introduction to NLP use in personal life too. Words That Change Minds. Shelle Rose Charvet, Kendall Hunt, Dubuque, Iowa, 1996 All the core NLP metaprograms, analysed in a business context and related to any context too. Designing what you say to make sense to anyone. Figuring Out People. Bob Bodenhamer and L. Michael Hall, Crown Publishing, Bancyfelin, Wales, 1997 A compedium of 60 metaprogram distinctions and ideas about how to utlise these. NLP and Relationships. Robin Prior and Joseph O'Connor, Thorsons, London, 2000 NLP and related models applied to relationships. Lots of background ideas; not so much step by step, but the usual good O'Connor standard. The Enneagram and NLP. Anné Linden and Murray Spalding, Metamorphous, Portland, Oregon, 1994 Introducing an ancient personality analysis system used by both Islamic Sufi and Christian Jesuit practitioners. The book then recommends NLP patterns for each personality type, and goes on to catalogue each NLP pattern. The Social Panorama. Lucas Derks, Crown Publishing, Bancyfelin, Wales, 2005 The submodality structure of social relationships; how to evaluate, utilise and change social relationships using this structure.Amazing insights.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
186
Spirituality Pro-fusion. Richard Bolstad and Margot Hamblett, Transformations, Christchurch 1997 This covers the basics of NLP, gives background to all the core concepts of the NLP Practitioner course, and considers the field in a context which includes Chi Kung, complimentary healing, social change and environmental ecology. Tools Of The Spirit. Robert Dilts and Robert McDonald, Meta, Capitola, 1997 The core processes from their workshop of the same name. Great change processes and the central philosophy of positive intent. Core Transformation. Connirae Andreas and Tamara Andreas, Real People Press, Moab, Utah. 1994 The Core Outcomes/Aligned self process explained in detail with lots of examples. Parental Time Line Reimprinting explained as part of this. Imitating Christ Through Guided Changework. Ian Field, Godalming, Surrey, 2001 A must have for Christians interested in NLP. Ian Field is an evangelical (read fundamentalist) Christian, and here he makes core links between NLP and Biblical teachings. Turtles All The Way Down. Judith DeLozier and John Grinder, Grinder, DeLozier and Associates, Bonny Doon, California, 1987 A somewhat freeform exploration of Grinder‟s new understanding of what NLP is all about. Lost Secrets of Ancient Hawaiian Huna. Tad James and Ardie James, Ka Ha o Hawaii, Honolulu, 1994 Ancient Hawaiian symbols, rituals, chants etc in an NLP-friendly format. Cognitive Patterns of Jesus of Nazareth. Robert B. Dilts, Dynamic Learning, Ben Lomond, California, 1992 An analysis of Jesus‟ thought patterns and healing process as modelled from the Bible. Living Awareness. Peter Wrycza, Gateway, Bath, 1997 NLP approaches to meditation, awareness and yoga, linking in processes using Time Line, submodalities etc. As taught by Wrycza in his workshops in Bali. Stories of the Spirit, Stories of the Heart. Edited by Christina Feldman and Jack Kornfield, Harper Collins, San Francisco, 1991 A great collection of stories/metaphors. Modelling Neuro Linguistic Programming, Volume1. Robert Dilts, John Grinder, Richard Bandler and Judith DeLozier, Meta, Cupertino, 1980 The most thorough study of strategies ever published. All the core NLP concepts viewed from the strategies perspective. There only ever was one volume in this series, and it‟s pretty complex stuff. Strategies of Genius, Volume 1, 2 and 3. Robert Dilts, Meta, Cupertino, 1994 Volume 1:Aristotle, Sherlock Holmes, Walt Disney, Mozart. Volume 2:Einstein. Volume 3: Freud, Leonardo Da Vinci, Nicola Tesla. Dilts picks out key strategies of each person and relates his own NLP models to these. Cognitive Patterns of Jesus of Nazareth. Robert B. Dilts, Dynamic Learning, Ben Lomond, California, 1992 An analysis of Jesus‟ thought patterns and healing process as modelled from the Bible. Modelling With NLP. Robert Dilts, Meta, Capitola, 1998 Describes the structure of modelling, and demonstrates with an analysis of modelling of leadership in situations such as problemsolving, delegation and training.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
187
Metaphor Sources Tales For Trainers. Margaret Parkin, Kogan Page, London, 1998 Great explanation of the structure of metaphor use in teaching. Several example stories. There are better sources if what you‟re after is the stories though. Is There Life Before Death? Steve Andreas, Real People Press, Moab, Utah, 1995 Steve Andreas‟ collection of stories from his Practitioner Trainings (some of which are used by Richard Bolstad too). . My Voice Will Go With You. Sidney Rosen, W.W. Norton & Company, New York, 1982 Every Milton Erickson metaphor you ever heard and a whole lot more. A great reservoir of stories. Phoenix: Therapeutic Patterns of Milton H. Erickson. David Gordon and Maribeth Meyers-Anderson, Meta, Cupertino, 1981 Just when you thought you knew all about Erickson; whole new ways of understanding the structure of Erickson‟s stories and tasks. Training Trances. John Overdurf and Julie Silverthorn, Metamorphous, Portland, Oregon, 1995 A book about trancework and teaching and the combination of the two. Awesome language patterns from one of the best NLP Ericksonian training teams! Hypnotherapy Scripts. Ronald A. Havens and Catherine Walters, Brunner/Mazel, New York, 1989 Yes; I know we told you not to limit your hypnotherapy to scripts. But what if you had a hundred or so examples of Ericksonian scripts for inducing trance and dealing with specific problems (as detailed as insomnia, migraines, sexual abuse, jealousy, premature ejaculation etc). Would you not want to use that now? Stories of the Spirit, Stories of the Heart. Edited by Christina Feldman and Jack Kornfield, Harper Collins, San Francisco, 1991 A great collection of stories/metaphors with spiritual lessons. Therapeutic Metaphors for Children. Joyce Mills and Richard Crowley, Brunner/Mazel, New York. 1986 Ericksonian Theory, metaphor design and excellent examples. Also covers the use of children's art as metaphor.
Therapy, Counselling and Personal Change Transforming Communication. Richard Bolstad and Margot Hamblett, Addison-Wesley-Longman, Auckland 1998 This is an introduction to NLP and to the field of co-operative communication. Used as a text for doctors, nurses, counsellors, group workers etc, it is also the basis of a 4 day course which Transformations runs, and a user friendly introduction. It covers all the basic concepts of NLP, the trauma cure, swish, anchoring, higher intentions etc, and gives valuable background for those wanting to use NLP in a “counselling format” too. Trance-Formations. John Grinder and Richard Bandler, Real People Press, Moab, Utah. 1981 Fantastic introduction to Ericksonian induction techniques. Integrates in anchoring, six step reframing, coping with surprises etc. Out of print. If you can get a copy, you‟re lucky. The Secret of Creating Your Future. Tad James, Advanced Neurodynamics, Honolulu, Hawaii. 1989 Introduction to Time Line Therapy and goal setting on the Time Line.Values elicitation and abundance supporting beliefs also discussed. Therapeutic Metaphors for Children. Joyce Mills and Richard Crowley, Brunner/Mazel, New York. 1986 Ericksonian Theory, metaphor design and excellent examples. Also covers the use of children's art as metaphor.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
188
A Path with a Heart. Yvonne M. Dolan, Brunner/Mazel, New York. 1985 Ericksonian patterns, metaphor use, reframing and anchoring.For use with "chronic", "disturbed" and "resistant" labelled clients. What to do when after you've tried “standard NLP techniques” and the person didn‟t use them as expected! Therapeutic Trances. Stephen G. Gilligan, Brunner/Mazel, New York. 1987 This is an excellent introduction to the whole process of Ericksonian language pattern use. Neuro-Linguistic Programming in Alcoholism Treatment. Ed Chelly Sterman, Haworth Press, New York 1990 Reviews all the basics of NLP as applied to 12 step addiction recovery programs. Articles by doctors and others using Parts Integration etc successfully with alcoholism and substance abuse. Sobriety Demystified. Byron A Lewis, Kelsey & Co, Santa Cruz, 1996 Beyond the 12 step thinking! A combination of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and NLP for solving addictions. Changing with Families. Richard Bandler, John Grinder and Virginia Satir, Science and Behaviour Books, Palo Alto, California. 1976 Excellent clear explanation of Satir's family/couples therapy and NLP. A must for couples work! NLP Counselling. Roy Bailey, Winslow, Bicester, 1997 The linguistic patterns from NLP in a counselling style framework (don‟t expect all the change techniques; this is just the talking cure, but done well to pace counsellors). Tapping The Healer Within. Roger Callahan, Contemporary Books, Chicago, 2001 An NLP and acupuncture point based method for healing traumatic memories fast. The original from which a number of different energy-based fast trauma cures emerged. Mind Lines. Bobby Bodenhamer and L. Michael Hall, ET Publications, Grand Junction, Colorado, 1997 The Sleight of Mouth patterns and other methods of conversational reframing. A great introduction to advanced language patterns of this sort, with some new metamodel ideas too. Virginia Satir: The Patterns Of Her Magic. Steve Andreas, Science and Behaviour, Palo Alto, 1991 Studies the language patterns in a session of therapy run by Satir. Solutions. Leslie Cameron-Bandler, Real People Press, Moah, Utah. 1985 Early NLP (everything except submodalities) applied to couples work and sexual dysfunction. A clear, step-bystep introduction to NLP use in personal life too. Resolving Sexual Abuse. Yvonne Dolan. WW Norton & Co. New York 1991 Ericksonian and NLP compatible therapy models to build resources, deal with family members, ensure safety, develop therapeutic dissociation and heal. Hypnotherapy Scripts. Ronald A. Havens and Catherine Walters, Brunner/Mazel, New York, 1989 Yes; I know we told you not to limit your hypnotherapy to scripts. But what if you had a hundred or so examples of Ericksonian scripts for inducing trance and dealing with specific problems (as detailed as insomnia, migraines, sexual abuse, jealousy, premature ejaculation etc). Would you not want to use that now? Healing The Divided Self. Maggie Phillips and Claire Frederick, W.W. Norton & Company, New York, 1995 An Ericksonian approach to therapy for “dissociative” disorders (multiple personality etc). The Trauma Trap. Dr David Muss, Doubleday, London, 1991 The NLP Trauma cure presented in a PTSD format by the medical doctor who has done the largest research study on it.A good introduction for clients. Training Trances. John Overdurf and Julie Silverthorn, Metamorphous, Portland, Oregon, 1995 A book about trancework and teaching and the combination of the two. Awesome language patterns from one of the best NLP Ericksonian training teams! From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
189
Phoenix: Therapeutic Patterns of Milton H. Erickson. David Gordon and Maribeth Meyers-Anderson, Meta, Cupertino, 1981 Just when you thought you knew all about Erickson; whole new ways of understanding the structure of Erickson‟s stories and tasks. Magic In Action. Richard Bandler, Meta, Cupertino, 1984 Transcripts of Bandlers finest work. A modeller‟s treasure trove. The Answer Within. Stephen Lankton and Carol Lankton, Brunner/Mazel, New York, 1983 Another fine Ericksonian team demonstrate theirskill, particularly with the use of embedded metaphors. The February Man. Milton H. Erickson and Ernest Lawrence Rossi, Brunner/Mazel, New York, 1989 Transcripts and commentaries on one of Erickson‟s most remarkable cases, from beginning to end. Model the expert. Erickson uses time regression under hypnosis. Is There Life Before Death? Steve Andreas, Real People Press, Moab, Utah, 1995 Steve Andreas‟ collection of stories from his Practitioner Trainings (some of which are used by Richard Bolstad too). . Transforming Your Self. Steve Andreas, Real People Press, Moab, Utah, 2002 Identity level NLP processes to change the generalised self-image you have constructed and find new ways to engage with other human beings. My Voice Will Go With You. Sidney Rosen, W.W. Norton & Company, New York, 1982 Every Milton Erickson metaphor you ever heard and a whole lot more. A great reservoir of stories. The Structure of Personality. L. Michael Hall, Bob Bodenhamer, Richard Bolstad and Margot Hamblett, Crown Publishing, Bancyfelin, Wales, 2001 Two NLP perspectives on changing "personality disorders", psychoses, addictions, depression, anxiety etc. Richard Bolstad's RESOLVE model and Michael Hall's Meta-states. RESOLVE: A New Model Of Therapy. Richard Bolstad, Transformations, 2001 All the research on NLP, and links made between NLP and other psychotherapies, as well as a brain-based model of NLP. Thorough and clear, ready to use NLP in psychotherapy text, from beginner level to advanced. Sleight of Mouth. Robert Dilts, Meta, Capitola, California, 1999 Robert Dilts developed the Sleight of Mouth patterns, which are taught on the Master Practitioner Training. Here he introduces these patterns for reframing as modelled from Richard Bandler and others. Time For A Change. Richard Bandler, Meta, Capitola, 1993 Time distortion and other trance patterns taught by a master entertainer.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
190
Where To Get NLP Books & Magazines Internationally The Anglo American Book Company Ltd, Crown Buildings, Bancyfelin, Carmarthen SA33 5ND, Wales Telephone +44-1267-211-880, Fax +44-1267-211-882, www.anglo-american.co.uk Not just for the stuff they publish, but for a huge selection of NLP related books, tapes etc. Georgian Bay NLP Centre, 92 Parklane Crescent, Meaford, Ontario, N4L 1B1, Canada Telephone +1-519-538-1194, Fax +1-519-538-1063, www.gb-nlp.com The world‟s biggest NLP book selection, audiotapes, videotapes etc. Transformations, PO Box 35111, Browns Bay, North Shore, Auckland 0630, New Zealand +64-9-478-4895
[email protected] Journal Trancescript comes out three times a year Own videotapes, audiotapes and books
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
191
NLP In Therapy/Coaching
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
192
NLP In Therapy: The RESOLVE Model © Dr Richard Bolstad 2002 The Need For Effective New Models This article is written for all those who are passionately interested in finding verifiable ways to assist human beings, as they create a life worth living. While the RESOLVE model is useful in any situation where people want to make major changes, this book emerged out of the work I did in 1998 and 1999 in the city of Sarajevo. At that time, my late partner Margot Hamblett and I were invited to teach our model of therapy to groups of psychiatrists and aid workers, who were working with Bosnian and Kosovar survivors of perhaps the worst trauma that human beings can face. We were accustomed to teaching counsellors, health professionals and others in the comfort of a custom designed training venue. We were used to having several weeks to gradually introduce our ways of thinking and our new techniques, from the field of NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming. In Sarajevo, we worked in a hospital meeting room with shell damage still evident around the walls. We had two days, and a group of people who needed immediate and practical help. The psychiatrists themselves had lived through the terror of the war, and wanted the skills to deal with their own distress as much as with their clients. We did not speak Bosnian, and we had no personal experience of the war. We needed to be able to demonstrate that the techniques we taught were Backed up by research supporting their rationale and their clinical effectiveness. Able to be learned quickly and applied with success in real life conditions. Integrated into a compassionate therapeutic relationship. Compatible with therapists‘ current therapeutic modalities, which ranged from psychoanalysis to cognitive behavioural therapy. After only two days training, over three quarters of those professionals who trained with us in Sarajevo said they now planned to use the methods we taught. For example, Dr Cerny Kulenovic described the model as ―Definitely useful. We used it on ourselves and we treated our colleagues too. We got the predicted effects…. We were well informed and gained very good results in the second day. A new treatment which was economical, short and successful.‖ Dr Mehmedika Suljic Enka agreed ―This training gives more practice in dealing with survivors of traumatic experiences or clients with phobias. Used with my own similar problem, it helped to relieve my fear, and I realised how I can help other people. I have improved my knowledge in Psychiatry.‖ But that was not the most important feedback we got. The most powerful experience we had in Sarajevo involved ordinary people whom we had the privilege of taking through the RESOLVE model of therapy. Let‘s give you one example. A woman whom we will call Fatima, began her session with Margot quite tearful, announcing in English, ―I hate the war; and I hate talking about it!‖ She explained that she had had nightmares every night since the war, when many of her friends and family had been killed in front of her. Sounds were powerful triggers for her traumatic memories, and the sound of explosions sent her into sheer panic. The previous week someone had organised a fireworks display in Sarajevo. Rationally, she knew she was safe, but her panic put her right back in the war situation. She ran into a nearby house and hid in their basement until the display was over. Such experiences were deeply humiliating to her, and felt quite uncontrollable. After attempting unsuccessfully to explain the background of our method to her (her knowledge of English was limited), Margot simply took her straight through the model you‘ll learn in this book, in this case specifically directed at healing her Post Traumatic Stress response. At the end of the session, Margot asked her to think of the fireworks and find out how it felt now. She laughed. Next, she invited Fatima to remember some of the worst times from the war, and check how those memories were. She gazed ahead with a shocked expression. ―So how is it?‖ Margot checked. ―Well, she said, with a smile ―I‘m seeing the pictures, and its as if they‘re just over there, and I‘m here.‖ The entire process had taken twenty minutes. On our return visit in 1999 Fatima reported that she had had no further panic attacks or nightmares, and had actually forgotten how seriously they once disabled her. She was delighted with the change in her life. Like the psychiatrists in Sarajevo, you probably want to know how this is possible. But much more, you‘ll want to know how you can get these results yourself. Consider one of our trainees, a New Zealand counsellor named Jeff, who was previously trained in Gestalt and Client Centred therapeutic modalities. It was a step away from From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
193
the mainstream for Jeff to choose to study NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), the modality which is central to the RESOLVE model. After using the RESOLVE process for some time, he agreed ―As a psychotherapist, my obligation is to help clients change in the ways they request. I know of no other psychotherapeutic tools more likely to accomplish this…. Professionally, my work has just taken off. What a gift it is to be able to remove a person's phobia, relieve a past trauma, halt an eating disorder, end a sense of abandonment, enhance self-esteem, instil a sense of purpose in someone's life -- and much more. The possibilities seem endless the better I get at using these understandings of how human beings function.‖ NLP And The Context Of Psychotherapy Neuro Linguistic Programming itself is a discipline studying how people achieve success in fields as diverse as sports, education, management and health care. Its original developers proposed in 1980 that NLP would provide the user with ―…a set of tools that will enable him or her to analyse and incorporate or modify any sequence of behaviour that they may observe in another human being.‖ (Dilts et alia, 1980, p 3). This set of tools involve an analysis of a human being‘s internal and external communications (linguistics) and their effects (―programming‖) on the functioning of the brain (neurology). Centrally, NLP analyses the structure and sequence of the person‘s internal experiences; their internal images, sounds, self-talk, feelings, tastes and smells. The use of these tools to analyse how someone achieves success is called in NLP "modelling". Within that wider field, NLP based ―psychotherapy‖ is first and foremost the study of how highly successful change agents assist others to change. NLP was not originally created with the intention of developing a new ―school‖ of therapy, so much as with the intention of understanding the patterns behind the work of highly successful psychotherapists. Psychotherapists studied in this way by NLP developers include: Dr Virginia Satir Dr Milton Erickson Dr Fritz Perls Dr Sigmund Freud Dr Carl Jung Dr Carl Rogers These psychotherapists were often themselves very surprised with the results of NLP based explorations of their work. Virgina Satir says ―I do something, I feel it, I see it, my gut responds to it - that is a subjective experience. When I do it with someone else, their eyes, ears, body sense these things. What Richard Bandler and John Grinder have done is to watch the process of change over a time and to distil from it the patterns of the how process.... The knowledge of the process is now considerably advanced by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, who can talk in a way that can be concretised and measured about the ingredients of the what that goes into making the how possible.‖ (Grinder and Bandler, 1975, p vii-viii). Milton Erickson M.D. said of NLP that ―…it is a much better explanation of how I work than I, myself, can give. I know what I do, but to explain how I do it is much too difficult for me.‖ (Bandler and Grinder 1975, p viii). Other psychotherapists, while not ―modelled‖ by the NLP co-developers, have eagerly incorporated the insights of NLP into their own work. Dorothy Jongeward Ph.D., author of numerous books on Transactional Analysis including ―Born to Win‖, says of the NLP text ―Influencing with Integrity‖ that ―It could well make the difference between success and failure in your personal and career relationships.‖ (Back cover, Laborde, 1987). Hugh Prather, author of ―Notes to Myself‖ and other books, says of the NLP book ―Heart of the Mind‖ that it ―contains a wealth of understanding that can help people become more fully human. It also contains the insight and basic honesty that ensures this knowledge is used wisely and compassionately.‖ (Back cover, Andreas and Andreas, 1989). Some psychotherapists have tended to see NLP as having an affinity with Cognitive Behavioural modalities. For example, in his review of the development of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Albert Ellis (1989, p 12) says that between 1975 and 1979 there was a sudden explosion in CBT literature. He adds ―So many significant texts on RET and CBT were… published that it is difficult to list even the most outstanding ones. Some of the influential ones included those by Bandler and Grinder.‖ On the other hand, practitioners of more psychodynamic approaches have considered NLP an important psychodynamic method. Dale Buchanan is director of the Psychodrama Section at Saint Elizabeth Hospital, Washington, and author of numerous articles in the Journal of Group Psychotherapy, Psychodrama and Sociometry. He has written an article with Donna Little studying the similarities between NLP and Psychodrama. They note ―Bandler and Grinder have refined the therapeutic From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
194
process. Needless to say they have miraculously packaged a process of immense value to all therapists.‖ (1983, 36, p.114). How Well Does NLP Work? The need for research which provides information useful to psychotherapists was emphasised in the earliest NLP writings (eg Bandler and Grinder 1979, p 6). However it was twenty years before the field of NLP itself began to effectively respond to this need. Because much of NLP is a meta-discipline (a way of analysing and describing other disciplines), research conducted in these other disciplines will often validate NLP hypotheses. For example, while NLP has modelled (from Milton Erickson‘s work) the hypnotic technique of communicating using unconscious hand signals, there is no separate research verifying this procedure and using NLP terminology. However in the field of hypnotherapy, the technique has already been well studied (see Cheek, 1981). In this work I will consider both research from within the NLP field and from other fields when selecting therapeutic strategies. There have been several studies of NLP use in psychotherapy published over the last ten years. For example, a study of NLP use in psychotherapy was organised by Martina Genser-Medlitsch and Peter Schütz in Vienna, Austria in 1996. The test sample of 55 therapy clients and the control group of 60 clients on a waiting list were matched by pattern of symptoms, age, family circumstances, education level, therapy experience etc. The test group were seen by members of a group of 37 NLP Master Practitioners (22 men and 15 women) who used a full range of NLP techniques as described in this book (in particular in Chapter 3). Clients were assessed with a number of questionnaires before therapy, after therapy, and at 6 month followup. The assessments checked occurrence of individual discomforts, clinical psychological symptoms, coping strategies used for stress management, locus of control (whether the people felt in control of their lives), and subjective evaluation of the therapy by the client and the therapist. Diagnoses (ICD9) ranged from schizo-affective and other psychotic disorders, through alcohol dependence, endogenous depressions, psychosomatic disorders, and other issues to post traumatic stress disorders. These disorders were more severe initially in the test group than in the control group on all scales, and their use of psychiatric drugs was higher. On average, treatments lasted 12 sessions over a period averaging 20 weeks. After treatment 1.9% of clients who had had NLP therapy felt no different, 38,9% felt better and 59.3% felt considerably better. None of those treated felt worse. In the control group meanwhile, 47.5% felt no different, 29.5% felt better and 6.6% felt considerably better. 9.8% of the controls felt worse and 4.9% felt considerably worse. At 6 month followup, 52% of clients who had had therapy felt considerably better, 28% felt better, 12% felt there was no change, and 8% felt worse. Meanwhile, the therapists rated 49% of their treatments as having met objectives well, 47% as having somewhat met objectives, and 4% as of little or no success. The NLP Practitioners, then, evaluated themselves with tougher criteria than their clients; well over half of whom felt considerably better as a direct result of their NLP sessions. After therapy, the clients who received NLP scored higher in their perception of themselves as in control of their lives (with a difference at 10% significance level), reduced their use of drugs, used more successful coping methods to respond to stressful situations, and reduced symptoms such as anxiety, aggression, paranoid thinking, social insecurity, compulsive behaviours, and depression. the research showed that a small number of positive changes also occurred in the control group and could not be accounted for by the therapy, including some of the reduction in psychosomatic symptoms, social isolation and some paranoid thinking. Altogether, positive changes in 25 of 33 symptom areas (76%) occurred as a result of the therapy, positive changes in 3 areas occurred in both groups, and no significant changes occurred in 5 areas. Amongst the group who received therapy, there were some interesting differences. On 63.15% of the symptom scales, changes were more pronounced in those under 36 years than those over 35 years old. On 40% of the symptom dimensions, men improved more than women (especially in the areas of feeling more in control of life, and reducing paranoid thoughts, aggression, depression and anxiety). Clients receiving a longer duration of therapy (more than ten sessions) had more gains (especially in relief from compulsive and psychotic behaviours) at the end of therapy, but also accounted for more of the loss of success at the 6 month followup. A further summary of these results is available on the Internet at www.nlp.at/at/oetz While such results are encouraging, the fact that NLP is successful in a general sense is not enough to have drawn so much attention to it. What is most often commented on by other practitioners is the speed at which NLP achieves many of its From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
195
specific results. This is important because it enables a psychotherapist to incorporate brief NLP interventions into the context of their own modality. One example of such brief interventions is the one session NLP ―Trauma process‖ for treating PTSD and simple phobias (Bolstad and Hamblett, 2000, p 5-22) used by us in Bosnia-Herzegovina. Dr David Muss did a pilot study on this method, with 70 members of the British West Midlands Police Force, all of whom had witnessed major disasters such as the Lockerbie air crash. Of these 19 qualified as having PTSD. The time between trauma and treatment varied from six weeks to ten years. All participants reported that after an average of three sessions they were completely free of intrusive memories and other PTSD symptoms. For most, one session was enough to solve the problem. Followup ranged from 3 months to 2 years, and all gains were sustained over that time (Muss, 1991). This kind of success is almost unprecedented in the field of psychotherapy. Even more important, it can be achieved by anyone with a basic understanding of NLP, and does not depend on the magical talents of a rare ―expert‖. Assisting Someone To Change Their Strategies Assisting someone to change successfully involves a strategy; an organised sequence of internal representations and external actions performed by the person assisting. We have described this helping sequence in terms of a simple seven stage model, using the acronym RESOLVE. Truly successful NLP Practitioners, the ones who actually deliver the personal transformations promised by NLP advertising, have more than just a set of techniques. Either consciously or unconsciously, they have developed a map of the process of change which is meta to the individual change processes. The 7 stages of our model are: Resourceful state for the Practitioner Establish rapport Specify outcome Open up model of world Leading to desired state Verify change Ecological exit In this article, we revisit this model, first expounded eight years ago. Since then, much research has emerged supporting our proposal. Resourceful state for the Practitioner The Aim of This Stage: The NLP Practitioner will begin the session confident of their ability to embody the presuppositions of NLP, and clear about their role in relation to the client. In the 1960s and 1970s, counselling developers Robert Carkhuff and Bernard Berenson published a number of research studies showing that helping interactions tend to influence clients either for better or for worse. They identified a number of measures of successful human functioning, and showed that helpers who function well on these dimensions are able to assist others to function well on these dimensions too. Helpers who function poorly on these dimensions actually influence clients to deteriorate in their functioning! (Carkhuff and Berenson, 1977, p 5, p 35). Carkhuff and Berenson likened most psychotherapists to professional lifeguards with extensive training in rowing a boat, throwing a ring buoy, and giving artificial respiration, but without the ability to swim. ―They cannot save another because, given the same circumstances, they could not save themselves.‖ Effective NLP consultants have used NLP processes to access resourceful states themselves, so they convey congruently to clients that change is possible. They anchor themselves into positive states of curiosity, fun and creativity when they work with clients. They build rapport without getting caught in the same patterns their clients are accessing. They also have the following understandings and attitudes: 1. The Map is Not The Territory. The client‘s map of how events happen is only a map; and so is the NLP map used by the consultant. 2. ―Resistance‖ to suggestions simply indicates the need for more adequate rapport building, and for designing suggestions which pace the client‘s world more fully. 3. Peoples actions are always motivated by a positive intention simply to meet their needs, as a system, as they identify those needs at the time. Their actions are based on the best choices available to them at the time, and expanding their choices can enhance their future actions. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
196
4. 5. 6. 7. 8.
People already have the resources they need, and the role of the consultant is to help them access these resources and apply them where they are needed. Human beings are systems, where change in one part affects the whole. All change work needs to consider the ecological results on their body, psychological life, spiritual life and social life. All results, both ―positive‖ and ―negative‖, are useful feedback to adjust your next communication based on. Change is easy. It‘s not ―changing‖ that takes time, it‘s ―not-changing‖ that takes time. The expectations of the consultant profoundly affect what is possible for the client.
In their search for a term not tainted by the expectations of ―counsellor‖ and ―psychotherapist‖, Carkhuff and Berenson (1977) used the term ―helper‖. We tend to use the terms consultant and NLP Practitioner. A consultant in a business context is hired to suggest strategies to enable their client to meet the client‘s goals. There are several implications to this arrangement, which we consider appropriate to the NLP setting: The consultant has some expertise in the area they recommend changes, as well as some expertise in cooperating with clients. The consultant needs to be ―hired‖ either formally or informally. That is, they offer their expertise in response to a request. They are not just a person who enjoys interfering in others lives. The consultant elicits, clarifies and works towards the client‘s goals, not their own goals. The client is in charge of their own business. They are responsible for actioning all the consultants suggestions, or not. Without this action, the consultant‘s work is recognised to be of little significance. The consultant is paid for their work. They are expected to use time efficiently, particularly if they are paid an hourly rate. The consultant is in charge of the process of consulting; the client is in charge of the content of their business. Consultants operate with certain explicit professional guidelines, such as confidentiality, and avoidance of double relationships (eg sexual relationship) with clients. In return they expect their clients to operate with some guidelines such as turning up to arranged meetings on time. Another essential quality which successful NLP Practitioners bring to their work is one that is rarely mentioned. It is love. In this book we will present many, many skills, and many, many theories. In the end though, love is more important than having all these skills and theories. Virginia Satir once said ―The ability to give and receive love is as important to the soul as inhaling and exhaling air is to the body.‖ (Satir and Baldwin, 1983, p 168). Love cannot be faked therapeutically; our clients are far too perceptive for that to work. Love is not merely rapport, though effective rapport is an expression of love. Love is not merely the ability to focus on positive aspects of a client‘s exploration, though that too is an expression of love. Love is more than just an attitude, more than just a strategy or a metaprogram. It is not adequately expressed in any of the research on psychotherapy or change, because it cannot be so simply measured. And yet it is there, every time someone assists someone else to heal. Establish Rapport The Aim of This Stage: Rapport will be established so that non-verbal and verbal leading can occur. The developers of NLP noted that the chances of a helper being able to lead someone to change their strategy were increased by the helper elegantly joining the person‘s reality first. ―When you join someone else‘s reality by pacing them, that gives you rapport and trust, and puts you in a position to utilise their reality in ways that change it.‖ (Bandler and Grinder, 1979, p 81). For example, one of the set of strategies that often help create anxiety is to make scary internal visual images. If I talk with the visually anxious person about what they can see as they sit beside me, there is an increased chance that when I gradually shift my comments to talk more about kinesthetic relaxation, the person will follow this lead into the new strategy of relaxation (Yapko, 1981). Examination of films and videotapes of therapy sessions by counselling researchers (Ivey et alia, 1996, p 60) now confirms the NLP claim that when conversation flows smoothly, ―movement complementarity‖ (non-verbal pacing or mirroring) occurs between client and helper. By revealing the nonverbal basis of rapport, NLP has been able to add considerably to the skills which a helper uses to convey empathy. Research identifying the effectiveness of verbal pacing (reflective listening; restating what the person said) first emerged in 1950, and a summary of the 50 years of continuing evidence for this core helping skill is presented by Allen Bergin and Sol Garfield (1994) in their Handbook of Psychotherapy. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
197
Building rapport in NLP terms also includes pacing the person‘s core metaprograms and values as these are revealed. Clients have been shown, for example, to prefer a counsellor whose word use matches their own representational system (visual, auditory, kinesthetic or auditory digital) by a ratio of three to one! (Brockman, 1980). Building rapport is also enhanced by the use of ―artfully vague‖ language (ie use of the NLP Milton model patterns), and a study by Darrell Hischke showed positive effects from both representational system matching and nonspecific language. Chunking up verbally to generalised descriptions is the structure of agreement. Examples of language structures used while establishing rapport: ―So what happened for you was…‖, ―Sounds like you really want…‖, ―Can I check; the way you see it…‖ SPECIFY Outcome The Aim of This Stage: At least one sensory specific, ecological outcome will be set for this session. Once rapport is established, chunking down to detailed plans becomes very significant. The use of vague language is part of the system by which many clients maintain their problem. For example, Thomas Macroy (1998) found that when family communication was analysed in terms of the NLP metamodel, those families who were most dissatisfied were also using the most deletions, distortions and generalisations in their language (especially deletions). Research on the Solution Focused Therapy model (a model closely allied with NLP) confirms that clients improve after questions from their helper which focus on what outcome the client has. Also, the amount of discussion of solutions and outcomes in the first session is strongly correlated to the chances that the client will continue with the change process (Miller et alia, 1996, p 259). William Miller has done an overview of the research into successful psychotherapy, in which he identifies that enabling the client to set their own goal for therapy significantly increases their commitment to therapy and enhances the results (Miller, 1985). There are two steps to this process. The first (Sorting Outcomes) involves identifying one or more outcomes from the array of problem based information the client presents. This sorting process includes asking solutionfocused questions to shift their sorting from problems to solutions. It also includes checking which outcomes will be easiest or most significant to deal with first in this session. The second step involves checking out each individual outcome in terms of the NLP model for wellformed outcomes. We have detailed this check using the acronym SPECIFY. While not all the aspects of this SPECIFY model need actively questioning in each case, the Practitioner has this model in mind as they assess the outcome being set. By identifying the first step the person would take to change, and by inviting them to access relevant resourceful states, the NLP Practitioner is also beginning the process of change. Setting an outcome is not something we do before helping someone change. Setting an outcome and changing are better viewed as two aspects of the same system. Examples of language structures used when SPECIFYing an outcome: Sorting Outcomes. ―What has to be different as a result of you talking to me?‖, ―How will you know that this problem is solved?‖, ―What is this problem an example of?…. What other examples are there of this larger issue?‖, ―Which of these issues will, when you solve it, let you know that all the others can be solved?‖, ―Which of these will be the easiest for you to change first?‖, ―When is a time that you noticed this problem wasn‘t quite as bad?…. What was happening at that time? What were you doing different?‖, Sensory Specific. ―What specifically will you see/hear/feel when you have this outcome?‖ Positive Language. ―If you don‘t have the old problem, what is it that you will have?‖ Ecological. ―What else will change when you have this outcome?‖, ―What situations do you want this outcome in and what situations do you not want it to affect?‖ Choice increases with this outcome. ―Does this outcome increase your choices?‖ Initiated by Self. ―What do you personally need to do to achieve this?‖ First step identified and achievable. ―What is your first step?‖ Your Resources Identified. ―What resources do you have to achieve this outcome?‖ Open up Client‟s Model of the World From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
198
The Aim of This Stage: The client will discover how they generated the old strategy and experience themselves as capable of generating a new, more useful strategy. More of the ―art‖ of NLP happens at this stage in consulting than at any other. The one core factor in the client‘s ―personality‖ that reliably predicts how well they will respond to the change process is whether they experience themselves as having an internal locus of control. Clients who believe that they are in charge of their own responses (―At cause‖, to use the NLP jargon) do far better in numerous research studies with a variety of different models of therapy (Miller et alia, 1996, p 319, 325). Furthermore, research shows that this sense of being in control is not a stable ―quality‖ that some clients have and others do not; it varies over the course of their interaction with the helper. Successful therapy has been shown to result first in a shift in the ―locus of control‖, and then in the desired success (Miller et alia, 1996, p 326). In their study of NLP Psychotherapy, Martina Genser-Medlitsch and Peter Schütz in Vienna (1997) found that NLP clients scored higher than controls in their perception of themselves as in control of their lives (with a difference at 10% significance level). Dealing first with this meta-level change, dramatically increases your chances of enabling someone to change. There are three steps to putting someone ―at cause‖ with their situation. These are 1) demonstrating the general possibility of change, 2) demonstrating the specific possibility of changing the client‘s current problem, and 3) demonstrating the possibility of using a selected, specific change technique to change that problem. The first step is to give a concrete physical demonstration of change happening easily, and quickly as a result of changing internal representations. For example, we have every client do a visualisation exercise near the start of their session. They turn around and point behind them with their arm, and then come back to the front. Next they imagine themselves going further, and notice what they would see, feel and say to themselves if their body was more flexible and they could turn around further. Then they turn around again and notice how much further they can go, instantly and without any extra effort (Bolstad and Hamblett, 1998, p 81). The second step is to access, elicit and alter the person‘s problem strategy: 1) Pre-test. Tad James (1995, p 28) emphasised that the process of helping someone change (like all strategies) involves a test before the change intervention and a related test after the intervention. We ask, ―When you think about it now, can you get back enough of a sense of that problem so you‘d know if that changed?‖ Until they can, it would be risky to go on. After all, how will they know whether they‘ve succeeded? Of course, some people say they only get the problem in a certain situation. We tend to say, with an air of conviction ―Okay, lets go there now!‖. Once we have a pre-tested response from this comment, we can easier check what‘s different later on, in our post-test. 2) Do a standard NLP strategy elicitation. We say ―Wow! That‘s impressive. How do you do that? How do you know it‘s time to start?...‖ These questions presuppose that the client ―does‖ something. By answering them, the client has established that if a change process didn‘t work, it‘s because they are still ―doing‖ the old behaviour well enough to get the problem. The whole stage of opening up the person‘s model of the world is a process of reframing, of meta-level change preparing for the simple shifting of the strategies which happens next. The vast array of choices available for reframing in NLP are catalogued by L. Michael Hall and Bob Bodenhamer in their book Mind Lines (1997). A skilled NLP consultant generates a number of these ―strategy loosening‖ patterns at this stage. 3) Have the person dissociate from and experimentally alter the strategy. Working with Susan, a woman who experiences panic when her family are late home, Richard Bandler says (1984, p.9) ―Let‘s say I had to fill in for you for a day. So one of the parts of my job would be if somebody was late I‘d have to have the panic for you. What do I do inside my head in order to have the panic?‖ Susan replies ―You start telling yourself sentences like ...‖ and Richard interrupts ―I‘ve got to talk to myself‖. She continues ―...so and so is late, look they‘re not here. That means that they may never come.‖ Playfully, Bandler asks ―Do I say this in a casual tone of voice?‖ This pattern has been modelled by Tad James and called The Logical Levels of Therapy. James points out that in doing this, Bandler has achieved, by linguistic presupposition, a number of shifts:
Susan agrees that she causes the panic: she is ―at cause‖. Susan agrees that it takes a specific strategy to do so. Susan agrees she is expert enough to teach Bandler how to do it. Susan describes the process in second person, as if someone else does it. Susan, in order to answer Bandler‘s last question above, has to consider what would happen if she ran her strategy differently to the way she usually does.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
199
The third step is to pre-frame the specific change techniques identified as useful by the consultant. This includes answering the question ―How does this technique relate to my problem and my outcome?‖, and the question ―Does this technique work?‖. Stories of other clients who have benefited from the change technique are an elegant way to answer both questions, as well as rehearsing the client through the process. Examples of language structures used when opening up the client‟s model of the world: ―When you think about it now, can you get the feeling, so you‘d know if that changed?‖ ―How do you do that? How do you know it‘s time to start?...‖ ―If I was going to do that for you, how would I do that?‖ ―If I did it slightly differently [give an example of this], would it still work?‖ ―So would it be okay to change that now?‖ ―Here‘s how we can alter that. Does that sound useful?‖ ―A client I had last week wanted to…. I used a technique where we….‖ Leading to desired state The Aim of This Stage: The client will change their strategy or strategies, enabling them to reach their outcome. By this stage, the NLP Practitioner has elicited the client‘s key physiology styles, metaprograms and values (while establishing rapport), their outcomes, their resources (while setting an outcome) and their old strategy for the problem. This provides an excellent base from which to select formal NLP change processes. The three variables which are relevant when choosing change techniques are: 1) The consultant. You will of course choose change processes which you are familiar with, and can facilitate congruently. This means that consultants choose change processes which they enjoy themselves! 2) How the client frames the problem and the desired outcome. A client with a phobia who says they need to get some ―distance‖ on their anxiety is almost pointing at the phobia cure page in your manual (the NLP phobia cure teaches the person‘s brain to distance itself or ―dissociate‖ visually from disturbing memories). A client who says "On the one hand... and on the other hand..." is already half way through a visual squash or parts integration process (NLP processes in which two conflicting ―parts‖ of the personality are fused into one). 3) The client. We are all aware that some people find that anchoring works really well for them, while others prefer submodality processes. Some people can fix anything as long as they use the NLP model called Time Line Therapy™ (James and Woodsmall, 1988), while others don‘t feel right unless they do a parts integration. There is a structure behind these preferences, and we call this structure the Personal Strengths model. Some NLP techniques require the ability to chunk up, some the ability to chunk down. Some techniques require the ability to associate into experiences, some the ability to dissociate. Our clients have varying strengths in relation to these skills; strengths that they also demonstrate in generating their ―problems‖. Verify change The Aim of This Stage: The person will consciously identify that change has occurred. Solution focused therapists have studied the difference in the way they ask about the results of change processes when the client returns to the next session. In studies replicated several times, they have found that if they ask questions which imply the possibility of failure (eg ―Did the change process work?‖) they get a different result than if they ask questions which presuppose success (eg ―How did that change things?‖). When asked a question that presupposes change, 60% of clients will report success. If the question presupposes failure, 67% will report that their situation is the same as it was before (Miller et alia, 1996, p 255-256). One way to presuppose change is to ask the person to notice what else has changed, or even what else they want to change next. We may say: ―A lot of people go away and only check for results with the things we were intending to change. In fact, when one aspect of your life changes, several other aspects tend to change, and it‘s a good idea to find out just what has happened. So over the next week I‘d like you to notice what else has changed in your life as a result of this process.‖ This has the added advantage of directing the person‘s attention away from experimentally deconstructing their change. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
200
Many times we have seen a client tell us that ―nothing has changed‖ one minute, and then report that they have actually achieved every goal they set for our time together. What causes the shift? Our willingness not to assume that their memory of events is reality, but instead to ask persistently, firstly...―So what has changed in your life (or in your experience of the situation that was a problem)? No matter how small the changes seem at first, what is different?‖, and then secondly, to genuinely congratulate them - ―Wow, that‘s great. How did you do that?‖ and then thirdly, to keep asking ―And what else has changed?‖ These three questions come from the Ericksonian school of Solution Focused Therapy (Chevalier, 1995). In asking them, we‘re coaching the client to sort for solutions. This is the key strategy in Solution Focused Therapy, a method which has 75% of clients achieve their goals in as little as four one-hour sessions. Milton Erickson emphasised that change is an unconscious process, and that the conscious mind needs reassuring that change has occurred. He says (Erickson and Rossi, 1979, p 10) ―Many patients readily recognise and admit changes they have experienced. Others with less introspective ability need the therapist‘s help in evaluating the changes that have taken place. A recognition and appreciation of the trance work is necessary, lest the patient‘s old negative attitudes disrupt and destroy the new therapeutic responses that are still in a fragile state of development‖. Here Erickson refers to pacing a client‘s strategy for being convinced. In a similar fashion, in NLP terms, a client may need to be convinced by checking for the change only one, a number of times, or over a period of time. They may even have a ―consistent convincer‖ and never be fully convinced about anything. If they have a period of time convincer, the consultant can ask them to go out into the future, past that time, and enjoy the changes. If they have a consistent convincer, the consultant may choose to reframe this, eg by saying ―Since you know you‘ll never be completely sure this has changed, you might as well accept it now.‖ Examples of language structures used to verify change: ―Remember that problem you used to have. Try and do it now and notice what has changed.‖ ―Try again, and find out how much you‘ve really changed now!‖ ―Notice what else is different as a result of this change you‘ve made.‖ ―What do you want to change next?‖ ―So what changes have happened since we started; big or small?‖ Ecological exit The Aim of This Stage: Anchor the changes to the actual situations where the client needs to access them. A number of studies have led helpers to recognise the importance of futurepacing the changes their clients initiate (having the client imagine themselves back in their actual life using their new skills). This process functions both to check out the appropriateness of their plans, the ―ecology‖ in NLP terms, and also to install the expectation of success in the person‘s future (Mann et alia, 1989; Marlatt and Gordon, 1985). Allen Ivey and others have their clients write a ―future diary‖ of their success a year into the future. Alan Marlatt has clients step into the future and fully consider what might make them change their mind about their changes, and then has them plan to prevent that. Both approaches have been shown to deliver far more robust change than parallel programs which skip this futurepacing stage. Of course, if any undesirable consequences of the change are detected at this stage, the process shifts back to clarifying outcomes. Examples of language structures used in futurepacing: ―Think of a time in the future, when in the past you would have had that old problem, and notice how it‘s changed now.‖ ―So as you think of the future, is it okay for that to be changed in this way now?‖ ―Is there any way you could you stop yourself automatically using the solution to your problem?‖ (If they say, ―I can‘t; say ―I guess you‘re stuck with the solution then‖)
Using the RESOLVE Model In summary, the RESOLVE model sequences a number of key tasks which research has suggested are an important part of effective changework. These tasks are:
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
201
Resourceful state for the Practitioner Adopt the presuppositions of NLP Negotiate a consulting relationship Anchor self into a resourceful state Cultivate a quality of love Establish rapport Pace client non-verbally Pace client‘s sensory system use and other metaprograms Use generalised language Verbally pace client‘s dilemma Specify outcome Reframe problems as outcomes Sort outcomes Ensure outcomes are sensory specific, and ecological Identify resource states and exceptions to the problem Open up model of world Demonstrate the possibility of change (eg pointing exercise) Pretest the problem strategy Elicit the strategy Reframe person as ―at cause‖ Have the person dissociate from and experimentally alter the strategy Demonstrate the specific change techniques (Pre-frame change techniques) Leading to desired state Select change process based on consultant skills, client skills, client‘s outcome. Run change processes Verify change Ask questions presupposing change Use client‘s convincer strategy Ecological exit Futurepace change Check for ecology issues Futurepace past any ―relapses‖ A caution: RESOLVE suggests a logical sequence in a reality which may be neither logical nor sequential. There are four ways your actual NLP session could well seem different to the map. (a) The actual use of skills is cumulative rather than sequential. Once rapport is established, you will of course maintain it throughout the other steps. Once you've begun using the metamodel, you will often challenge metamodel patterns at later stages as well. (b) The real process of therapy may end successfully at step 2 or 3 or 4. Just eliciting a strategy may cause it and the problem to disappear. It's tough, but life's like that - easier than you expect. (c) You may cycle through the RESOLVE model several times, or run through it as a subroutine of one step in a larger RESOLVE process. (d) It is likely that occasionally you will successfully leap several steps at a single bound, or apparently reverse steps. No generalisation is ever totally true (including this one). Once you know a town, you don't carry a map every time you leave home. But it sure helps the new immigrants; and everyone knows how handy it is to have a map in the glovebox for those unexpected side trips. How NLP Change Processes Work; An Example Here, for those new to NLP, I want to explain one small NLP change process; Anchoring. Consider an experience we have all had. You're listening to the radio and a song is played you haven't heard for several years. As you hear it, the feeling of what it was like all those years ago comes back to you, and you begin to recall details of what was happening then. Another example: you're going past a dentist's office, and as the door From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
202
opens you catch a whiff of antiseptic. Even though you're not getting treatment, your heart begins to pound and you feel a twinge of anxiety, checking your mouth and wondering if you need any fillings. A third situation: there's a place you visited many times when you were younger, where you had many happy experiences. Now you visit it again and just sit there, like you used to, looking around at the scene you recall from those times. As you do so, you're surprised by the feelings of pleasant nostalgia that flood over you. You can almost hear the voices of those who were there, and feel like doing again the things you once did here. In each of these situations a dramatic change in state occurs, which did not require any 'effort' to make it happen. And in each case, there is some 'stimulus'. When you see, hear, feel, taste, or smell that stimulus, the whole state begins to reoccur all by itself. The song on the radio is a stimulus first present when you were in a certain state; the smell of the dentist's office was a stimulus first present when you were in an anxious state; and the scene of your earlier visits is a stimulus first present when you were in a happy state. Anchoring Using a stimulus from an earlier time when you were in a certain state, to recreate that state now is called anchoring. Anchoring is happening all the time. The only way you can read these words is by the way each particular group of letters anchors you to a meaning you associated it with earlier. Probably if I say the word 'anchor', for example, you can hear how those letters are meant to sound, and see a picture of what an anchor looks like. You may even have a feeling associated with those letters. The most famous use of anchoring is in Dr Ivan Pavlov's experiment with hungry dogs. Every time Pavlov fed his dogs, he rang a bell. Soon he found that only ringing the bell caused the dogs to salivate, to go into the state of readiness to eat. There's not a great demand for getting people to salivate by ringing a bell. But there is a demand for enabling people to relax, to feel confident, to feel caring towards each other, to be creative, and so on. Let's say you would like to feel relaxed while communicating with people. Luckily, you probably have a time each day when you are relaxed already. Choose a time when you are very relaxed (perhaps in the time just before you fall asleep?), and try the following: At that time each day press your left thumb and forefinger together and say to yourself in a calm voice 'Relaxed and Confident'. (There's nothing magic about pressing your thumb and forefinger together, it just happens to be something you're only likely to do in this state, so it probably doesn't have any contradictory states already anchored to it.) After only two or three days, you'll be able to approach someone, press your thumb and forefinger together in just the same way, say 'Relaxed and Confident' to yourself in the same calm voice . . . and you will relax. The more you use this technique, the more powerful it will get. Using Anchoring In Psychotherapy Tony asked if I could assist him to be in a better state during mathematics tests. He said he got incredibly anxious about maths: it was associated with a lot of bad memories - times he'd failed at maths as a kid. It puzzled him, because he knew that there were some subjects, like biology, where he could feel completely at ease. He knew he was smart enough to learn maths, but something about it "triggered him off." For Tony, maths - even just seeing maths problems written down - anchored him into a state where he felt hopeless. All his resources, his confidence and intelligence, weren't available once he saw a maths test. I explained to Tony that I'd use anchoring by pressing on the back of his knuckles, to solve this problem. One knuckle would become an anchor for "being in a maths test" and another knuckle would be an anchor for confidence and relaxation. Once I'd set up these two anchors, by pressing them both at once I would cause the two states to reconnect in his brain. In that way the resources of confidence and relaxation would be automatically and unconsciously associated with maths. Tony was sceptical but ready to try anything. I started off by anchoring resources. I asked Tony to remember a time had felt really relaxed, maybe on holiday. I had him step into his body at that time and what it felt like, see what he saw, listen to the sounds there, and listen to anything he might say to himself. I watched him carefully as he re-experienced this time. As he got back into the state of relaxation fully (rather than just "thinking" about it) there were changes in his voice, posture, breathing, skin tone and so on.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
203
I needed to see and hear these changes to know that Tony was fully in the state I wanted. As he remembered especially the things he saw, I pressed one of his knuckles. As he remembered the things he heard, I pressed it again. As he remembered the feeling in his body, I pressed once more. He didn't have any internal self-talk at the time. I had now anchored a relaxed state with a unique pressure on his knuckle. I asked him to stand up and stretch, to "clear the screen". Next I went through the same procedure with a time Tony had felt incredibly confident. Again I watched for the non-verbal shifts that told me he was in a confident state before anchoring on the same knuckle. I had now "stacked" this knuckle "anchor" with two resourceful states. After clearing the screen again, I asked Tony to remember being in a maths test. His whole body immediately tensed up and his voice got shaky. I anchored this state on a different knuckle, and told him to clear the screen. Now one knuckle was linked to his resources, and one to the problem situation. I simply pressed down on both knuckles at once and waited for the change. Tony's eyes flickered and I began to see his body relax. I held the resource anchor down a few seconds longer. Then I asked Tony "Now, try and think of that math test." Tony frowned. "It's funny" he said, "I'm finding it hard to even remember what it looked like. But it feels totally different." "Try and get back the feeling you used to have," I suggested. "No, I can't do it," he said after a pause. "You used to be good at that", I reminded him. "That's right, but now it just feels relaxed." I asked Tony to think ahead to his maths test, and asked what happened when he thought of that. "Well," he smiled, "I can imagine it being okay : But I don't know. I'll tell you on Monday." However, he saw me the next day with some dramatic news. "Last night," he bubbled over, "I went to study for the maths test. And I thought "This'll be a drag, because I've always found maths hard. But somehow it was completely easy. In fact I enjoyed it so much I studied everything for that test and went on to study for the next one as well." I nodded. "So I guess now you're convinced that Friday's test will go okay." "Well, I'll wait and see." Not a man who's easily convinced. The Monday after the test he was finally willing to accept it. He announced with pride, "For the first time in my life, I felt totally relaxed in a test." To me as the person who assisted Tony, what's most exciting is that Tony overcame his "problem" with his own resources. His brain already knew how to be relaxed and confident . It just needed the neurological connection from this state to the maths test situation. Even though collapsing anchors is one of the simplest NLP techniques, my colleagues and I have successfully used it with phobias, obsessional disorders, learning disorders, insomnia, depression and many other situations where a person's resources need reconnecting to new areas of their life.
Bibliography Andreas, C. and Andreas, S. Heart of the Mind Real People Press, Moab, Utah, 1989 Andreas, C. The Aligned Self: An Advanced Audiocassette Program: Booklet, NLP Comprehensive, Boulder, Colorado, 1992 Andreas, S. Virginia Satir: The Patterns of her Magic Science and Behaviour , Palo Alto, California, 1991 Bandler, R. and Grinder, J. Frogs Into Princes, Real People Press, Moab, Utah, 1979 Bandler, R. and Grinder, J. Frogs Into Princes, Real People Press, Moab, Utah, 1979 Bandler, R. and Grinder, J. Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson, M.D. Volume 1, Meta, Cupertino, California, 1975
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
204
Bandler, R. and Grinder, J. The Structure of Magic, Science and behaviour Books, Palo Alto, California, 1975 Bandler, R. Magic In Action, Meta Publications, Cupertino, 1984. Bergin, A. and Garfield, S. Handbook of Psychotherapy and Behaviour Change, Wiley & Sons, New York, 1994 Bolstad, R. and Hamblett, M. Transforming Communication, Addison-Wesley-Longman, Auckland, 1998 Briggs Myers, I. Manual: The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, Consulting Psychologists Press, Palo Alto, California, 1962 Brockman, W.P. ―Empathy revisited: the effects of representational system matching on certain counselling process and outcome variables‖, Dissertation Abstracts International 41(8), 3421A, College of William and Mary, 167pp., 1980 Carkhuff, R.R. and Berenson, B.G. Beyond Counselling and Therapy, Holt, Rinehart and Winston, New York, 1977 Chevalier, A.J., On The Client‘s Path, New Harbinger, Oakland, California, 1995 Condon, William S. (1982) "Cultural Microrhythms" p 53-76 in M.Davis (ed) Interactional Rhythms:Periodicity in Communicative Behaviour New York, Human Sciences Press De Bono, Edward Sur/Petition, Harper Collins, London 1992 Dilts, R. B. and Epstein, T.A. Dynamic Learning, Meta Publications, Capitola, California, 1995 Dilts, R. B. Visionary Leadership Skills, Meta Publications, Capitola, California, 1996 Dilts, R., Grinder, J., Bandler, R. and DeLozier, J. Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Volume 1 The Study of the Structure of Subjective Experience, Meta Publications, Cupertino, California, 1980 Ellis, A. ―The History of Cognition in Psychotherapy‖ in Freeman, A., Simon, K.M., Beutler, L.E. and Arkowitz, H. ed Comprehensive Handbook of Cognitive Therapy Plenum Press, New York, 1989 Erickson, M.H. and Rossi, E.L. Hypnotherapy: An Exploratory Casebook, Irvington, New York, 1979 Genser-Medlitsch, M. and Schütz, P., "Does Neuro-Linguistic psychotherapy have effect? New Results shown in the extramural section." Martina Genser-Medlitsch and Peter Schütz, ÖTZ-NLP, Vienna, 1997 Hall, L.M. and Bodenhamer, B.G. Mind Lines: Lines For Changing Minds, E.T. Publications, Grand Junction, Colorado, 1997 Hatfield, Elaine, Cacioppo, John and Rapson, Richard (1994) Emotional Contagion Cambridge, Cambridge University Press Ivey, A.E., Bradford Ivey, M. and Simek-Morgan, L. Counselling and Psychotherapy: A Multicultural Perspective, Allyn and Bacon, Boston, 1996 James, T. ―General Model For Behavioural Intervention‖ in Time Line Therapy® Practitioner Training (manual. Version 3.1), Time Line Therapy™ Association, Honolulu, 1995 James, T. and Woodsmall, W. Time Line Therapy And The Basis Of Personality, Meta Publications, Cupertino, California, 1988 Jensen, E., The Learning Brain, Turning Point, Del Mar, California, 1995 Jung, Carl, Man and his Symbols, Dell Publishing Co. New York, 1964 Kawasaki, Guy Selling The Dream, Harper Collins, New York, 1991 Kipper, D.A. Psychotherapy Through Clinical Role Playing, Brunner/Mazel, New York, 1986 Laborde, Genie Influencing With Integrity, Syntony, Palo Alto California, 1987* Lynch, Dudley and Kordis, Paul Strategy of the Dolphin, Fawcett Columbine, New York, 1988 Macroy, T.D. ―Linguistic surface structures in family interaction‖ in Dissertation Abstracts International 40(2), 926 B, Utah State University, 133 pp., 1978 Mann, L., Beswick, G., Allouache, P. and Ivey, M. ―Decision workshops for the improvement of decisionmaking: Skills and confidence‖ in Journal of Counselling and Development, 67, p 478-481, 1989 Marlatt,G. and Gordon, J. Relapse Prevention: Maintenance Strategies in the Treatment of Addictive Behaviours Guilford, New York, 1985 Marshall, I., ―Consciousness and Bose-Einstein condensates‖ in New Ideas in Psychology, 7, 1989, p 73-83 Masson, J. Against Therapy, Harper Collins, London, 1993 Miller, S. D., Hubble, M.A. and Duncan, B.L. Handbook of Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Jossey-Bass, San Francisco, 1996 Miller, W. ―Motivation for treatment: a review with special emphasis on alcoholism.‖ In Psychological Bulletin, Vol 98 (1), p 84-107, 1985 Muss, D. ―A New Technique For Treating Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder‖ in British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 30, p 91-92, 1991 Muss, Dr D. The Trauma Trap. Doubleday, London, 1991 O‘Connor, J. and Seymour, J. Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Harper Collins, London, 1990 Renesh, John ed New Traditions In Business, Berret-Koehler, San Fransisco, 1992 Robbins, Anthony Unlimited Power, Fawcett Columbine, New York, 1986* Satir, V. and Baldwin, M. Satir Step By Step, Science and Behaviour, Palo Alto, california, 1983 Whitmont, E.C. The Symbolic Quest: Basic Concepts of Analytical Psychology, Princeton University, Princeton, New Jersey, 1991 Yapko, M.D. Hypnosis and the Treatment of Depressions, Brunner/Mazel, New York, 1992 Yapko. M., ―The Effects of Matching Primary Representational System Predicates on Hypnotic Relaxation.‖ in the American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis, 23, p169-175, 1981 Zeig, J. K. A Teaching Seminar With Milton H. Erickson Brunner/Mazel, New York, 1980
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
205
Postframing: Finding The Excellence That Was There Richard Bolstad and Margot Hamblett, NLP Trainers Published in Anchor Point, 1997 When What You Do “Doesn‟t Work” I use NLP because it is an excellent model of how human beings work. Notice that I didn‘t say, ―I use NLP because NLP works‖. Actually NLP doesn‘t work; it‘s people who work. To claim that NLP works, regardless of the person, would violate the presuppositions of NLP. Each person is in charge of their own neurology, and no system (including NLP) ever takes that ability away from them. So when someone tells me that what we did (using NLP in an educational, healing or therapeutic setting) didn‘t work, they are only telling me what I knew all along. How the NLP didn‘t work -that is, how the person‘s neurology worked in spite of NLP- is my immediate interest. If you really understand this, you‘ll never again have the experience of NLP ―not working‖. Instead, you and your clients will discover more and more about how what they do works, and how to make it work in the way they want. This article is about what you say and do after the formal NLP processes are complete. It‘s about using your language to change the client‘s experience of what happened, so that every event is a signpost pointing the way to success. Pattern 1: Preframe for Post-testing Firstly, remember that there is a lot you can do in NLP before the client has completed any NLP processes. How you talk and behave at this time presets expectations about results for the client. I have adopted Richard Bandler‘s policy of never helping someone change until they show me two things: 1) That they really have a problem to change. I ask “When you think about it now, can you get back enough of a sense of that problem so you‟d know if it changed?” Until they can, it would be risky to go on. After all, how will they know whether they‘ve succeeded? Of course, some people say they only get the problem in a certain situation. I tend to say, with an air of conviction ―Okay, lets go there now!‖. Once I have a pretested response from this comment, I can easier check what‘s different later on, in my post-test. 2) How they do the problem. This is a standard NLP strategy elicitation. I say “Wow! That‟s impressive. How do you do that? How do you know it‟s time to start?...” These questions presuppose that the client ―does‖ something. By answering them, the client has established that if a change process didn‘t work, it‘s because they are still ―doing‖ the old behaviour well enough to get the problem. Pattern 2: Preframe for Life Back Home During the days after a change process, some clients like to overcheck the change process, looking for proof that it hasn‘t worked. This is like a gardener pulling up new seedlings every day to check if they‘ve taken root yet. I shift the client‘s attention further on, using the preframing technique (described in Anchor Point Vol 10, number 9, September 1996). So, after a session is complete, I always caution clients that: ―A lot of people go away and only check for results with the things we were intending to change. In fact, when one aspect of your life changes, several other aspects tend to change, and it‘s a good idea to find out just what has happened. So over the next week I‘d like you to notice what else has changed in your life as a result of this process.‖ The Two Ways People Can Make Sure NLP Doesn‟t Work Let‘s assume I have gone through an NLP process with a client, and preframed it as above. And let‘s assume it‘s a process that I know has been successful when used in my neurology or someone else‘s neurology. After all, if my process doesn‘t fit these criteria, I wouldn‘t use it. So that process ―worked‖ when I or someone else used it. That means that my ―unsuccessful‖ client did something different to what I or the other successful user did. The process can still ―work‖, but I need to find out From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
206
what my client did differently. I may have forgotten to tell them some step of the process, or I may have assumed they would do something that they didn‘t do. One of my choices is always to search around for some NLP process which they already know how to do the same way a successful person does it (see my article on Utilising Personal Strengths to select NLP techniques in Anchor Point Volume 9, No 3, March 1995). This is already quite well understood in NLP (―If something doesn‘t work, do something else‖). But here I want to talk about another choice, which is to Postframe their experience of this technique from one of failure to one of success. To do that I first want to find out when they did something different. Did they do something different during the technique (so that it never ―worked‖ for them), or did they do something different afterwards, so that they now don‘t remember how it ―worked‖ for them. Amazingly, the second situation is more common. Pattern 3: Help Clients Remember Success Not noticing a change is an information filtering (metaprogram) problem that underlies much of what our clients seek help with. Generally, our clients are filtering the information in their life searching for evidence of problems. Part of the structure of depression, for example, is to go back over all the positive experiences, seeing them as impermanent, and dissociating from them so they feel unreal, phoney or even non-existent. The depressed person then goes through all the enjoyable experiences, sees them as permanent, and associates into them so they feel real. The structure of happiness involves noticing and associating into what is going well, what is enjoyable. Martin Seligman explains about his work with depressed children (Seligman, 1995, p88) ―No matter how many successes [the helper] recalls, [the depressed person] trots out why the successes were really failures. [The depressed person] is not being modest or shy, nor is [the depressed person] engaged in a random litany of complaints. At this moment, he truly believes that nothing will work out and it‘s because he has no talent. This is the standard thinking pattern of a depressed child. A pessimistic explanatory style is at the core of this kind of thinking. The bleak view of the future, the self, and the world stem from seeing the causes of bad events as permanent, pervasive and personal, and seeing the causes of good events in the opposite way.‖ Obviously, it‘s impossible to ever get evidence of success using only that sorting method, so I coach the client to filter for solutions. Many times I have seen a client tell me that ―nothing has changed‖ one minute, and then report that they have actually achieved every goal they set for our time together. What causes the shift? My willingness not to assume that their memory of events is reality, but instead to ask persistently, firstly... ―So what has changed in your life (or in your experience of the situation that was a problem)? No matter how small the changes seem at first, what is different?‖ and then secondly, to genuinely congratulate them - ―Wow, that‘s great. How did you do that?‖ and then thirdly, to keep asking ―And what else has changed?‖ These three questions come from the Ericksonian school of Solution Focused Therapy (Chevalier, 1995). In asking them, I‘m coaching the client to sort for solutions. This is the key strategy in Solution Focused Therapy, a method which proponents say has 75% of clients achieve their goals in as little as four hour sessions. Pattern 4: Help Clients Realise That What They Did Worked Perfectly Some clients do something different during the original NLP technique, so that it never worked for them. It still helps to find out what else has changed, but I do need an immediate response when the client says ―It didn‘t work.‖ Such a client has somehow mismatched my instructions for the process, so I know that at some level they value being able to be different. My response is quite simple. I pace the person‘s comment, and connect it with the word because to an explanation that puts them in charge, and suggests that being different = doing it so it works. The structure is:
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
207
―That‘s right, it didn‘t work... because you didn‘t do the process the way I told you. Instead you did what you‘ve always done... and the only way to get a different result is to do it the way I told you. Do you want to get that different result?‖ The most common thing that clients do that wasn‘t in the instructions is to sort for failure while the process is happening, usually using a critical internal voice. While they do the process, they tell themselves ―This probably won‘t work‖. This is so common that I usually check for it with a client who doesn‘t get the result intended. Pattern 5: Check Ecology In NLP, one of the assumptions we make is that there is an intention for each behaviour, and so if a client doesn‘t change, at least part of them must have some reason for not changing. Sorting for failure is such a powerful metaprogram, that I believe it often operates independently of any other intention than it‘s own. It remains an important choice to deal with ecology, and the intention of sorting for failure (eg ―not to be let down by getting too hopeful‖) is worth dealing with. This article is not intended to deny such central NLP concepts, but only to add choices to their use. Ecology is in itself a useful Postframe, and I use it eg: ―That‘s right it didn‘t work, and there may be a part of you that has a good reason why it wasn‘t okay yet to have it work, and if you were to know what the intention of that part was, what would it be...?‖ [followed by any NLP Parts Process]. Example One (Richard) These two following examples demonstrate the use of patterns 3 and 4 (the core of our model of Postframing). A woman I‘ll call Jan came to see me because she was depressed. I suggested that each morning before she got out of bed, she could identify three things (however small) that she was looking forward to that day. And each night before she went to sleep, she could identify three things she was grateful for in her day. Next week she came back, and here‘s the postframing conversation. Jan: Well, that idea of thinking of three things I was feeling grateful for didn‘t work. In fact, it made me feel worse. It was so hard to do that I began to feel quite hopeless. Richard: That‘s right, it didn‘t work, because you didn‘t do it the way we arranged. What you actually did, from that description, is to try and think of three things for a while, and then stop and tell yourself it was too hard. That‘s a sure way to feel bad, and it sound‘s like it really worked. Jan: Yes. I just don‘t have anything much to be grateful for. [weeping] Richard: Right, you don‘t, and that‘s the way you‘ve been thinking about life for a long time now. And each time you think about life that way, including just then, it gets you the same result, right? Jan: Well, yes. Richard: So, would you be interested in doing something different; after all, you‘re already good at doing that one? Jan: I suppose, but I don‘t know if I can. Richard: Well, if I could just check first, ―What has changed in your life over the week?‖ Jan: Not much. Things were probably worse this week, because my mother was visiting. Richard: So your mother was visiting, and you were under extra stress. I imagine things could have gotten much worse than they did. How did you manage? Jan: Mmm. Yes, actually, last year when she came we had a huge row, but this time I just thought, ―I know what the hot subjects are and I‘m not going to raise one.‖ Richard: Wow, that‘s great! How did you know to do that? Jan: I‘m learning I guess. There‘s no point in wearing myself out. Richard: So what else has improved over this week? Jan: Umm. Well, the thinking of things to look forward to was actually a bit easier. And I did that okay most days. Richard: Right! That‘s a major change. What was different about those days? Jan: Now that you mention it, those days I didn‘t feel so bad at all. It was just yesterday that things really piled up. Richard: So most of the week you actually felt better than usual, even though your mother was here? From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
208
Jan: Mm-hmm. Richard: That‘s exciting. What else was different this week?... Example Two (Margot) A man I‘ll call Bob came to one of my weekend trainings. At that training I have people do a visualisation exercise. They turn around and point behind them with their arm, and then come back to the front. Next they imagine themselves going further, and notice what they would see, feel and say to themselves if their body was more flexible and they could turn around further. Then they turn around again and notice how much further they go (Bolstad, Hamblett and Dyer Huria, 1996, p 67). Unlike 99% of people who‘ve done this with me, Bob wasn‘t impressed: Bob: Well, I think I went further the first time. Didn‘t work for me at all. Margot: That‘s right, it didn‘t; because you didn‘t do the process the way I told you. I said to imagine what it looked, felt and sounded like to go further, and you talked to yourself inside about how this probably wouldn‘t work for you....Right? Bob: Hmmm. Probably. Yeah, I guess so. Margot: And that‘s probably the way you‘ve been doing a lot of other things too. You‘re already good at talking sceptically to yourself. If you want to get a different result in your life, then it‘s worth using these exercises the way we actually describe them, and only do what we describe. You just did more work than you needed to. Now lets do that one more time, the new way. Summary Postframing is a series of language techniques for discovering how clients have been in charge of their neurology, and presupposing their success. The techniques described here include: 1. Before doing any change technique, have the client pre-test by demonstrating that the problem exists, and explaining their strategy for doing it. 2. Tell people to use time between sessions to sort for other changes that happen as a result of the key changes you‘ve made in the session. 3. Ask repeatedly for information about what has changed between sessions, and coach clients to sort for success, and to congratulate themselves for their results. 4. When a process doesn‘t work, pace the client‘s experience of it not working and point out that they did something else that got them the (usual for them) results they got. Then have them do the process again. 5. Check for internal intentions which may seem in conflict with the change desired and heal using Parts Integration etc. Bibliography Bolstad, R. with Hamblett, H. and Dyer Huria, K. Pro-fusion: Neuro Linguistic Programming and Energy Work, Transformations, Christchurch, 1996 Chevalier, A.J., On The Client‘s Path, New Harbinger, Oakland, California, 1995 Seligman, M.E.P., The Optimistic Child, Random House, Sydney, 1995
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
209
Some Methods of Checking Ecology 1) Ask about the positive intent/s of the old behaviour:
What happens now, that will not happen if you get this goal? If you were to know what the old behaviour was trying to do for you, what was it? When you first developed that old behaviour, what purpose did it serve? How can we make sure that you still get any benefits of the old behaviour now?
2) Use the as-if frame: Step into the situation of having the goal now. Feel what that feels like, and look through your eyes at the way the world is now that you‘ve achieved it, and listen to the kind of things that you can hear around you. As you check, are there any ways in which this is not working for you? Go way out into the future, years past the time when this goal was achieved. What could have been improved about the way you achieved that?
3) Use other perceptual positions: Choose someone whose advice you value. What might that person advise you about ensuring that this goal works for you? If your best friend made this change, what would you caution them about what they are doing?
4) Check for internal objections: What has stopped you having this outcome in the past? Could that still be a problem? What might you do that would sabotage your achieving this goal? Go inside and check; is there any part of you that has any objection to you having this goal?
5) Check for more important goals: What other outcome could you achieve that would make achieving this one irrelevant? Is that a better outcome? Is there an outcome that would solve this problem, as well as solving several other problems? Is that a better outcome? What larger theme in your life is that old behaviour a part of? Is changing that larger theme a better outcome?
6) Contextualise: Are there any specific situations where you might prefer the old behaviour to the goal you are setting now? Which parts of your life do you not want to be affected by this goal?
7) Rate Motivation Level (Scaling Question): How motivated are you to achieve this outcome, on a scale of one to ten, where 10 = total and 1 = mildly interested? What holds you back from being at 10? What needs to change so that you are at 10?
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
210
Research on SPECIFYing Goals © Dr Richard Bolstad 2009 In developing NLP, we have studied hundreds of people who have achieved success in many fields through history, and the way they set goals is central to their success. The purpose of goalsetting is to motivate you to actually achieve what you want in life. It is not to motivate you to avoid problems, and it is not to distract you so you avoid thinking about the problems. It is to motivate you to act! Almost everyone believes that they use goals to some extent, but what is different about the way that the most successful change agents set goals? The answer is that they SPECIFY them. What does that mean? It means to make them: Sensory specific and timed Positive Ecological Choice increasing Initiated by you... with… First step identified Your resources identified Outside of the field of NLP, most people understand the importance of goals, but not many of them actually use this SPECIFY process. Recently, there has been some dramatic new research about what enables goals to work. That is what this article is about. This research suggests that the two most common unsuccessful choices people make in goalsetting are: 1) Paying attention to what they don‘t want all the time, instead of what they do want. 2) Fantasising about having achieved what they want, instead of planning action. Unsuccessful Choice 1: Focus on the Problem. Focusing on problems and what we don‘t want is paying attention to the past. It feels very different to focusing on the goal, outcome or solution to those problems, and it has very different results. In 2000, Dr Denise Beike and Deirdre Slavik at the University of Arkansas conducted an interesting study of what they called ―counterfactual‖ thoughts. These are thoughts about what has gone ―wrong‖, along with what they could have done differently. Dr. Beike enlisted two groups of University of Arkansas students to record their thoughts each day in a diary in order to "look at counterfactual thoughts as they occur in people‘s day-to-day lives." In the first group, graduate students recorded their counterfactual thoughts, their mood, and their motivation to change their behavior as a result of their thoughts. After recording two thoughts per day for 14 days, the students reported that negative thoughts depressed their mood but increased their motivation to change their behavior. They believed that the negative thoughts were painful but would help them in the long term. To test out this hope, the researchers then enlisted a group of students to keep similar diaries for 21 days, to determine if any actual change in behavior would result from counterfactual thinking. Three weeks after completing their diaries the undergraduate students were asked to review their diary data and indicate whether their counterfactual thinking actually caused any change in behavior. "No self-perceived change in behavior was noted," Dr. Beike told Reuters Health. Counterfactual thoughts about negative events in everyday life cause us to feel that we "should have done better or more," Dr. Beike said. "These thoughts make us feel bad, which motivates us to sit around and to feel sorry for ourselves." So what does work? The study found that "credittaking thoughts‖, in which individuals reflect on success and congratulate themselves, serve to reinforce appropriate behavior and help people "feel more in control of themselves and their circumstances." (Slavik, 2003). Unsuccessful Choice 2: Fantasise About The Solution. Although focusing on the problem you have had does not lead to success, neither does merely fantasising about the future success. Lien Pham and Shelley Taylor at the University of California did a study where a group of students were asked to visualise themselves getting high grades in a mid-term exam that was coming up soon. They were taught to form clear visual images and imagine how good it will feel, and to repeat this for several minutes each day. A control group was also followed up, and the study times of each student as well as their grades in the exam were monitored. The group who were visualising should, according to proponents of ―The Secret‖ DVD and the ―Law of Attraction‖, have a clear advantage. Actually, they did much less study, and consequently got much lower marks in the exam (Pham and Taylor, 1999). From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
211
This result is very consistent. There are now a large number of research studies showing that ―The secret‖ or ―The law of attraction‖ (visualising your outcome and then letting go and trusting that the universe will provide it) impedes success. Gabrielle Oettingen at the University of Pennsylvania has done a number of studies showing the same result. In one study, women in a weight-reduction program were asked to describe what would happen if they were offered a tempting situation with food. The more positive their fantasies of how well they would cope with these situations, the less work they did on weight reduction. A year later, those women who consistently fantasised positive results lost on average 12 kilos less than those who anticipated negative challenges and thus put in more effort (Oettingen and Wadden, 1991). Oettingen followed up final year students to find out how much they fantasised getting their dream job after leaving university. The students who fantasised more reported two years later that they did less searching for jobs, had fewer offers of jobs, and had significantly smaller salaries than their classmates (Oettingen and Mayer, 2002). In another study she investigated a group of students who had a secret romantic attraction, a crush, on another student. She asked them to imagine what would happen if they were to accidentally find themselves alone with that person. The more vivid and positive the fantasies they made, the less likely they were to take any action and to be any closer to a relationship with the person 5 months later. The result is consistent in career success, in love and attraction, and in dealing with addictions and health challenges (Oettingen, Pak and Schnetter, 2001; Oettingen, 2000; Oettingen and Gollwitzer, 2002). Richard Wiseman (2009, p 88-93) did a very large study showing the same result. He tracked 5000 people who had some significant goal they wanted to achieve (everything from starting a new relationship to beginning a new career, from stopping smoking to gaining a qualification. He followed people up over the next year, and found firstly that only 10% ever achieved their goal. Dramatic and consistent differences in the psychological techniques they used made those 10% stand out from the rest. Those who failed tended either to think about all the bad things that would happen or continue to happen if they did not reach their goal (what NLP calls away from motivation, and what other research calls counterfactual thought) or to fantasise about achieving their goal and how great life would be. They also tried to achieve their goal by willpower and attempts to suppress ―unhelpful thoughts‖. Finally, they spent time thinking about role models who had achieved their goal, often putting pictures of the role model on their fridge or other prominent places, to remind them to fantasise. These techniques did not work! And the most successful people did not waste their time doing them. Wiseman warns that visualising what it will be like to have achieved your goal has become a popular tactic. ―This type of exercise has been promoted by the self-help industry for years, with claims that it can help people lose weight, stop smoking, find their perfect partner, and enjoy increased career success. Unfortunately, a large body of research now suggests that although it might make you feel good, the technique is, at best, ineffective.‖ (Wiseman, 2009, p 84). This is because, as Wiseman notes, whether you achieve your goals is primarily a question of motivation; of getting yourself to do certain things. Fantasising that everything has already been done reduces motivation. Goalsetting - What Works? The complete inventory of successful strategies that Richard Wiseman‘s research found fits neatly into our NLPbased SPECIFY model. Sensory Specific: Firstly, the most successful people did imagine achieving their goal, and were able to list concrete, specific benefits they would get from it, rather than just say that they would ―feel happy‖. They had what Wiseman calls ―an objective checklist of benefits‖ and made these ―as concrete as possible‖, often by writing them down. He notes ―… although many people said they aimed to enjoy life more, it was the successful people who explained how they intended to spend two evenings each week with friends and visit one new country each year.‖ (Wiseman, 2009, p 91- 93) Positive: Secondly, they described their goal positively. Wiseman says ―For example, when asked to list the benefits of getting a new job, successful participants might reflect on finding more fulfilling and well-paid employment, whereas their unsuccessful counterparts might focus on a failure leaving them trapped and unhappy.‖ (Wiseman, 2009, p 92) Ecological: Here‘s a surprising result of the research by both Gabriellle Oettingen and Richard Wiseman. After thinking about the positive benefits of achieving their goal, the most successful participants would ―spend another few moments reflecting on the type of barriers and problems they are likely to encounter if they attempt to fulfil their ambition…. focusing on what they would do if they encountered the difficulty.‖ (Wiseman, 2009, p From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
212
101) Oettingen trained people to do this process, which she calls ―doublethink‖ and was able to increase their success dramatically just with this step. Choice Increasing: Related to this NLP concept is the fact that successful goalsetters made sure that they felt as if their progress was bringing them rewards rather than limiting their choices and creating work. They did this most of because ―As part of their planning, successful participants ensured that each of their sub-goals had a reward attached to it‖ so that it ―gave them something to look forward to and provided a sense of achievement.‖ (Wiseman, 2009, p 93) Initiated by Self: Successful goalsetters have a plan. They do not leave their goal up to ―the law of attraction‖ or to someone else who will save them. Wiseman notes ―Whereas successful and unsuccessful participants might have stated that their aim was to find a new job, it was the successful people who quickly went on to describe how they intended to rewrite their CV in week one, and then apply for one new job every two weeks for the next six months.‖ (Wiseman, 2009, p 91) First Step Identified: Wiseman found that it was particularly important to break the goal down into small steps and manage one step at a time. ―Successful participants broke their overall goal into a series of sub-goals, and thereby created a step-by-step process that helped remove the fear and hesitation often associated with trying to achieve a major life change.‖ (Wiseman, 2009, p 90-91) Your Resources Identified: In NLP we list both internal and external resources here. Wiseman‘s research studied only external resources, most especially friends, colleagues and family. ―Successful participants were far more likely than others to tell their friends, family and colleagues about their goals…. Telling others about your aims helps you achieve them, in part, because friends and family often provide much needed support when the going gets tough.‖ (Wiseman, 2009, p 91) Deciding Which Goal To Choose Another important issue comes up whenever people set goals, and whenever they make decisions to purchase something. It is related to what NLP calls a ―convincer metaprogram‖, a personality trait that determines how easily people make decisions. In research, the two extremes of metaprogram (personality trait) are called maximisers and satisficers. Richard Wiseman explains: ―Extreme maximisers tend to check all available options constantly to make sure they have picked the best one. In contrast extreme satisficers only look until they have found something that fulfils their needs.‖ The result, from research, is that maximisers actually do get better quality and more for their money, but they cannot turn off their maximising, so they are never satisfied. In one study, 500 students from 11 universities were categorised as either maximisers or satisficers, and then followed up as they sought employment. The maximisers got jobs earning them 20% more money, but they were less satisfied with their jobs and more prone to regret, pessimism and anxiety. (Monterosso et alia, 2002). Wiseman recommends that if you are a maximiser, you may want to set limits around each major decision, so that you know when to let go of the decision. Bibliography: Monterosso, S., Lyubomirsky, K., White, K. and Lehman, D.R. ―Maximising Versus Satisficing: Happiness Is A Matter Of Choice‖ p 1178-1197 in Personality and Social Psychology, No 83 (5), 2002 Zeigarnik, A.V. ―Über das behalten von erledigten und unerledigten Handlungen‖ (The retention of completed and uncompleted actions) p 1-85 in Psychologische Forschung, No. 9, 1927 Pham, L.B. and Taylor, S.E. ―From Thought to Action: Effects of Process Versus Outcome Based Mental Simulations on Performance.‖ P 250-260 in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, No. 25, 1999 Oettingen, G. Pak, H. and Schnetter, K. ―Self-Regulation of Goal Setting: Turning Free Fantasies About the Future Into Binding Goals‖ p 736-753 in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, No 80, 2001 Oettingen, G. and Mayer, D. ―The Motivating Function of Thinking About The Future: Expectations Versus Fantasies‖ p 1198-1212 in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, No. 83, 2002 Oettingen, G. and Gollwitzer, P.M. ―Self-Regulation of Goal Pursuit: Turning Hope Thoughts into Behaviour‖ p 304-307 in Psychological Inquirer, No 13, 2002 Oettingen, G. ―Expectancy Effects on Behaviour Depend on Self-Regulatory Thought‖ p 101-129 in Social Cognition, No. 18, 2000 Oettingen, G. and Wadden, T.A. ―Expectation, Fantasy, and Weight Loss: Is The Impact of Positive Thinking Aways Positive?” p 167-175 in Cognitive Therapy and Research, No. 15, 1991 Slavik, D.J. ―Keeping your eyes on the prize : outcome versus process focused social comparisons and counterfactual thinking‖ Thesis (Ph. D.), University of Arkansas, Fayetteville, 2003 Wiseman, R., 59 Seconds: Think A Little, Change A Lot, Macmillan, London, 2009 From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
213
Couples Coaching A 21st Century NLP Approach To Working With Couples © Dr Richard Bolstad
A. The Revolution In Couples Therapy The Crisis Of Couples Counselling It‘s no secret that one to one intimate relationships (such as marriage) are more challenging to maintain in the world today. In the United States, for example, between 50% and 67% of first marriages end in divorce, and the percentage is higher for each subsequent marriage and higher for non-marital intimate partnerships. One sad result of this is increased illness. Those of us who are able to stay in an intimate couple (whether we are male or female) will live approximately 4 years longer, making the couples lifestyle one of the most significant life extension interventions known (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 4). The cost of separation in economic terms is the source of many jokes, but it is also a realistic fact that people who separate, after living together for any length of time, considerably affect their financial future. Is there help for those whose relationships do not seem to be built to last? Of those couples who attempt to heal the rift by going to a couples counsellor, 43.6% will separate within five years of their ―therapy‖ and less than 18% will get any prolonged measurable benefit from their counselling. Most of these couples say that the therapy ―helped‖, but from the research the result of that help is usually a continuation of destructive patterns of interaction, followed in half of all cases by divorce. (Gottman, 1999, p 3-6). How NLP Emerged From And Transcends Traditional Couples Counselling NLP, the field I teach in, emerged out of the work of one extraordinary couples counsellor. Often called the grandmother of Family Therapy, Virginia Satir assisted thousands of married couples and families to resolve old conflicts and create a more enjoyable life together. One day Satir was demonstrating couples counselling in front of a group of student psychotherapists. She stopped talking to the couple she was working with, and asked if any of her students could carry on, using her methods. On by one, students tried to help the couple, but none of them seemed to know how Virginia chose what to say. Virginia seemed to have some magic way of knowing just which question or comment would reveal and alter the complex dynamic of the couple‘s relationship. At the back of the room, a young man was tape recording the training session. He was Richard Bandler, a computer programmer and a graduate student of linguistics at the University of California, and he had no training in psychology or couples dynamics. Finally, after Satir‘s students had failed, Bandler came to the front of the room and offered to talk to the couple. Amazingly, he seemed to know exactly how Virginia was constructing her questions and suggestions to the couple. In 1976 Richard Bandler and his Professor of Linguistics John Grinder wrote the first of several books explaining their discoveries about communication, human change, and teaching. Their first book, called ―The Structure of Magic‖ (Bandler and Grinder, 1975) explained that by understanding how to utilise the inner ―languages‖ of the brain (a methodology they later called neuro-linguistic programming or NLP) anyone could learn to achieve the excellent results of the most expert communicators, teachers and therapists. Virginia Satir said in her foreword to this book (Bandler and Grinder, 1975): ―It would be hard for me to write this Foreword without my own feeling of excitement, amazement and thrill coming through. I have been a teacher of family therapy for a long time .... I have a theory about how I make change occur. The knowledge of the process is now considerably advanced by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, who can talk in a way that can be concretised and measured about the ingredients of the what that goes into making the how possible.‖ (Satir, in Bandler and Grinder, 1975, p. Viii). Amazingly, forty years on, the one type of therapy that the students of Bandler and Grinder‘s method are usually least trained in is couples counselling! This article launches itself from the couples counselling roots of NLP, explores the research based leading edge of twenty-first century couples coaching, and presents an NLP-based model of couples coaching. Using it fully presupposes some basic knowledge of NLP, for which I recommend my book Transforming Communication 2004). From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
214
When I talk to new coaches and NLP Master Practitioners, I frequently find that they have bought the idea that those original students of Satir had; the idea that there is some complex, pathological and hidden dynamic going on between the two people in a couple… some dynamic that the coach or counsellor needs years of experience with to successfully trick the couple out of. Dan Wile (1992, p 29) shows how this theory has shaped traditional couples counseling. Discussing the foremost theorists in the field, he says ―Thus Ackerman (1966) deliberately charms, ridicules, and bullies family members; Haley (1963b) and Watzlawick, Weakland, and Fisch (1974) strategically manipulate them with paradoxical instructions; Jackson and Weakland (1961) tactically place them in therapeutic double binds; Haley (1977) systematically browbeats certain partners who fail to do the tasks he assigns them; Minuchin and his colleagues (1967) ―frontally silence‖ overbearing wives to ―rock the system‖ and show their passive husbands how to stand up to them; Speck (1965) openly engages in ―power struggles‖ with families . . . It is perhaps surprising, considering the dramatic nature of these methods, that they have been incorporated into the couples and family therapy traditions with so little discussion and debate.‖ This adversarial and analytical approach turns out to be as unnecessary in the case of couples counseling as it is in the case of individual therapy or coaching. Richard Bandler was able to replicate what Satir did, not because he understood some hidden dynamics that she was using, but because he was willing to treat the work as a simple task of linguistic analysis. In the last decade, couples therapists themselves have adopted Bandler‘s willingness to study what actually happens linguistically when a couple are in conflict, and what actually happens when a couple‘s relationship is successful. The Gottman Revolution In Couples Counselling Seattle‘s Washington University researchers and marital therapists John and Julie Gottman have been in the forefront of this revolution in couples work. Their in depth research on more than a thousand couples over the last thirty years has debunked many cherished theories about what makes intimate relationships work. It has shown, for example, that in general the personality characteristics and even the objective degree of similarity between the couples personality types is irrelevant to marital happiness. Even the number of arguments between the couple does not determine a couple‘s sense of satisfaction and likelihood of separation. However, in happy couples, each person perceives the other as being basically a functional person (with certain quirks) and basically similar to them. In happy couples, each perceives arguments as useful and manageable expressions of differences. In unhappy relationships, each partner perceives the other as basically flawed and unlike them, and conflicts are experienced as emotionally traumatic (Gottman, 1999, p 19-21). When couples are videotaped 24 hours a day, the difference between happy couples and unhappy couples is very small – for example it includes happy couples saying approximately 100 more words of positive comment per day (a mere 30 seconds more of positive talking) compared to unhappy couples. But those 30 seconds are crucial (Gottman, 1999, p 59). Furthermore there are subtle differences in the linguistic patterns that successful couples use before, during and after an argument. These differences in linguistic patterns pervade the whole relationship though, not just the arguments. Gottman‘s researchers have shown that they can accurately predict whether a couple will divorce just by listening to a five minute conversation between the couple, by identifying the specific language patterns used and seeing the specific non-verbal responses they make to each other (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 3). But these detailed differences are not merely present in arguments. As Gottman says, his research has shown that ―successful conflict resolution isn‘t what makes marriages succeed.‖ (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 11). The formation of an intimate relationship, Gottman‘s research shows, is the formation of a whole new culture. It is the quality of the friendship between the couple, as evidenced in their exact verbal and non-verbal communication, that counts, for both men and women. What solution focused therapy did for individual coaching is similar to what Gottman‘s research has contributed to couples coaching. He says ―In my therapy the entire problem-solving process is recast as one of identifying and harmonizing people‘s basic life dreams. Much of the process of conflict resolution is an exploration in using the marital friendship to help make one another‘s life dreams come true.‖ (Gottman, 1999, p 184). NLP Practitioners and Solution Focused coaches will recognize this approach as the analogue of their own work with individuals. Gottman‘s research has added considerably to our knowledge of the specific patterns that work in relationships, and the specific coaching interventions that will enhance those patterns. Even where I may disagree with his conclusions (see next section), it is Gottman who has, for the first time, provided the research data to form realistic conclusions rather than psychobabble hypotheses. Next, Gottman has demonstrated that by From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
215
shifting from analysis and manipulation to coaching the couple to respond in the way that more successful couples do, he can double the success of couples counseling . Some Confusion In Gottman‟s Conclusions Before we go any further, it is fair to say that there is one core conclusion drawn by John Gottman which I (like many other solution focused coaches or therapists) would not agree with. It appears on the left below. In one and the same book, Gottman says: ―Empathic Listening In A Conflict Doesn‘t Work‖ ―Active listening asks couples to perform Olympic-level emotional gymnastics when their relationship can barely work… One of the most startling findings of our research is that most couples who have maintained happy marriages rarely do anything that even partly resembles active listening when they‗re upset.‖ (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 11)
―Empathic Listening Is Essential To Conflict Resolution‖ - from a section titled ―The Key To All Conflict Resolution‖ ―The bottom-line rule is that, before you ask your partner to change the way he or she drives, eats or makes love, you must make your partner feel that you are understanding. If either (or both) of you feels judged, misunderstood, or rejected by the other, you will not be able to manage the problems in your marriage. This holds for big problems and small ones…There‘s a big difference between ―You are such a lousy driver. Would you please slow down before you kill us?‖ and ―I know how much you enjoy driving fast. But it makes me really nervous when you go over the speed limit. Could you please slow down?‖ Maybe that second approach takes a bit longer. But that extra time is worth it since it is the only approach that works. It‘s just a basic fact that people can change only if they feel they are basically liked and accepted as they are.‖ (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 149)
The contradiction between these two statements is so clear to me that it needs little comment. Suffice it to say that I agree entirely with Gottman‘s comments on the right, from page 149 of his book, and I agree with Robert Scuka (2005, p 56) who critiques the comment on the left in much more detail and summarizes ―In conclusion, despite the creativity and usefulness of much of the empirical research conducted by Gottman, his interpretation of the results of that research and its meaning with regard to empathy is seriously flawed. More to the point, Gottman‘s inference and claim, that marital therapy should ―abandon‖ teaching distressed couples how to empathize for the purpose of improving their relationship, is in no way legitimated by the research itself. It is also contradicted by some of Gottman‘s own assumptions, as well as the results of his own research.‖ Reflective listening is indeed challenging to apply, especially in a conflict-ridden relationship, AND it is an essential skill for finding a way out of conflict; a skill which has not been taught to us and which couples benefit enormously by learning. Repeatedly, as I read Gottman‘s research, I regret that he did not study a linguistics based model such as NLP before analyzing the language structures of the couples he studied. I find his references to language patterns are often confusing and unclear. For example, he quotes Dan Wile‘s critique of I messages (a skill which Gottman goes on to advocate) as if that critique is a critique of reflective listening (a skill which Gottman suggests is only useful outside of conflict situations - Gottman, 1999, p 9). He confuses ―I messages‖ and ―you messages‖, for example suggesting that ―I think you are selfish‖ is an I message (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 165). He does not define clearly how the core patterns he found to be harmful such as ―defensiveness‖ differ from normal and healthy responses. For example he says about healthy relationships ―When people feel attacked they tend to respond negatively; usually in stable, happy marriages they respond in kind, while in unstable and unhappy marriages they escalate the negativity.‖ (Gottman, 1999, p 10). And yet he says about defensiveness that it is one of the four most serious problems in relationship and its most common form is ―counter-complaining, or counterattacking when attacked.‖ – ie responding in kind when feeling attacked as he previously said healthy couples do (Gottman, 1999, p 45). However, in general, Gottman‘s research adds data which affirms and extends my own Transforming Communication approach to relationships. It further suggests that couples counseling is actually coaching the couple to communicate using these skills. In the field of parenting coaching, John Gottman says he admires the approach of Dr Haim Ginott, who teaches I messages, Reflective Listening and Win-Win Conflict Resolution in the same structure as we use in Transforming Communication. In discussing parenting relationships, Gottman again emphasizes the importance of ―Communicating empathy and understanding of the emotions, even if these emotions underlie misbehaviour.‖ (Gottman, 1999, p 330). From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
216
B. Transforming Communication For Couples Clear Problem Ownership Before discussing what a couples coach does, I want to review the Transforming Communication skills and emphasize what Gottman‘s research adds to these. To begin using the methodology of Transforming Communication in any relationship situation, one simply checks whether at this moment ones own present internal state is desired or not (a ―problem‖, as Dilts notes in Dilts, 1993, p193, is any distance between present state and desired state). One then steps into what NLP calls ―second position‖ and checks whether the other person‘s internal state is desired by them or not. There are four possible results to these checks (Gordon, 1974, p38-39): 1) Neither of us owns a Problem. If both states are desired, then no problem exists, and the focus of communication can be towards individual and mutual enjoyment. In the situation where neither of us owns a problem, a larger range of language patterns will be safe to use (safe in the sense of preserving both of our self esteem, and preserving the relationship). This area offers the most potential for us to grow personally, as each of us has energy free from problem-solving to focus on our goals and on discovery. It is the area where a couple build their ―positive emotional bank account‖ that they may need to draw on in conflict resolution. Gottman‘s research shows that successful couples devote approximately 20 minutes a day to non-problem activities such as: Simply responding to each comment or nonverbal communication by their partner. Such communications are called ―bids‖ (for attention or caring) by John Gotttman and in a healthy relationship most bids are responded to. Either cooperation or disagreement are indications of a successful bid, but in unhappy couples over 50% of bids are not even detected by the partner (Gottman, 1999, p 201) Reviewing the history of their relationship and reframing it as a positive story of friendship. Making positive and appreciative comments about the relationship. The ratio of positive comments to negative comments in successful relationships is approximately 5 to 1, whereas in unsuccessful relationships it is less than 1 to 1. This is true both in conflict and in everyday interaction (Gottman, 1999, p 59-61). Indeed, Gottman found that in successful relationships, participants (women in particular) tended to monitor and limit the quantity of negative comments by their partners about anything at all. In unsuccessful relationships, they accepted that their partner had a right to be continuously and unproductively angry, unhappy and blaming of both them and others (Gottman, 1999, p 73-74) . Learning what creates sexual attraction for each of them, what creates the feeling of being loved and of loving for each of them, and what confirms their mutual commitment to the relationship. Robert Sternberg proposed, from his research, that intimate relationships involve three variables: passion, intimacy and commitment (Sternberg, 1986). Successful couples learn the ―strategies‖ each partner uses to create and confirm the existence of these three variables. Discussing each person‘s values and dreams, and finding shared values and creating shared meanings. Sharing meals together, and sharing housework together Checking in after time apart and each listening to how the other‘s day has been. Going out together, both for practical purposes such as shopping, and for entertainment Making love and intimate touching/holding. Effective couples accept that people have different levels of need for these behaviours, and that as a partner they will support their loved one in meeting those needs. University of Oregon researchers John Howard and Robyn Dawes (1976) found that while rate of sexual intercourse and rate of arguing varied from couple to couple, any couple who argue more frequently than they have sex are likely to divorce in the near future. If one of the people is in an undesired state, then they ―own a problem‖ in the terms first used by Dr Thomas Gordon (1955). This does not mean that they are ―at fault‖ or ―should‖ change something. It simply means that they are not in their desired state. Possible results 2), 3), and 4) relate to this situation. 2) The other person owns a problem. If I am in a relationship where at this moment I feel okay, and the other person does not (ie they are in an undesired or ―problem‖ state), it can be useful to focus my attention on assisting them to reach their desired state. This process, called Helping, is of course a common one when you are assisting a client to change. It also occurs when you are listening to your spouse talking about a difficult day, or when you offer to assist your co-worker to learn how to perform a new work task. The most effective skills for Helping will be ones that linguistically identify the problem space and the desired state as existing inside the other person‘s experience (I will say, for example, ―So what you want to change is...‖ rather than ―So what I From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
217
think you should change is...‖). These skills avoid patronising the person by suggesting what they ―should‖ aim for, ―should‖ feel and ―should‖ be able to cope with. These skills include: Non-verbal rapport. Gottman‘s research demonstrates the power of what NLP calls matching and mirroring. Couples who can understand each other actually adjust their bodies to experience what the other person is experiencing. They breathe in time with each other, sit in similar positions, use similar voice tonality, and even their heart rates match (Gottman, 1999, p 27). Open questions that invite the other person to talk. These usually begin with the words ―How…?‖ and ―What…?‖ rather than the more intrusive ―Why…?‖ or the more leading ―Did you…?‖, ―Didn‘t you…?‖ and ―Don‘t you…?‖ Reflective listening. This involves restating the person‘s own experience, opinions and feelings, in words which are similar to theirs eg ―That was an unpleasant experience then.‖ ―You wanted to get a different perspective.‖ In this situation in particular (where the other partner owns a problem), Gottman,s research identified that reflective listening was the most powerful response offered by members of successful relationships (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 87-89. 3) I own a problem. If I am in a relationship where at this moment the other person feels okay, and I do not (ie I am in an undesired or ―problem‖ state), it can be useful to focus my attention on finding a way for me to reach my desired state. This process could be called Problem Solving. As we know in NLP, people own a problem in response to particular internal representations. If the representations related to my problem state are about the other person (if I‘m upset or angry or hurt ―about something they did‖, for example) then this process of problem solving is called Assertion. For example, I own a problem where I‘m frustrated about my spouse‘s failure to wash the dishes, or where I‘m resentful that I ended up doing extra work when my partner didn‘t arrive home on time. The most effective skill for Assertion will be one that linguistically identifies the problem and the desired state as existing inside my own experience (―What I want to change is...‖ rather than ―So what you might want to do is...‖). This skill is called an ―I message‖ (Gordon, 1974, 139-145). In a conflict, a clear I message identifies: the sensory specific behaviour that is the subject of the concern, the internal state (emotion) which I have generated in response to this behaviour, any sensory specific effects on me of that behaviour. An example of the format for an I message would be ―When...[sensory specific behaviour], I feel...[congruent description of my internal state] and the effect on me is... [sensory specific effects of the behaviour]‖. This structure avoids insulting or blaming the other person, and avoids patronising them by telling them what they ―should‖ do. By not suggesting one specific solution, it leaves the process of generating solutions until the other person‘s situation has been heard and can be taken into account (as in examples below). Helping skills by themselves will be ineffective in the area where I own a problem, suggesting to the other person that it‘s up to them what solution is reached. 4) We both own a problem. This situation implies that some combination of linguistic skills will be useful (So what you want is... and what I want is...). Where we both own a problem in response to related internal representations, then this situation is a ―Conflict‖. This doesn‘t mean that we are necessarily opposed to each other, or that one of us must win and one lose. It simply means that we both are upset, angry, hurt etc about related issues (eg I think we should spend more time together and the other person wants more space. I want to use the family car tomorrow and so does my partner) Such situations benefit from a combination of the helping and assertive skills, as well as from specific conflict resolution skills (including win-win conflict resolution, consulting and modelling). John Gottman‘s research reveals that successful couples differ not merely in their handling of conflicts, but in their handling of each of these four Problem Ownership areas. That means that effective coaching of couples needs to teach the couple to respond differently in each of the four areas also (Gottman, 1999, p 59-61). Effectively Raising A Concern The situation would be very easy if problem ownership stayed constant throughout any conversation. If this was the case, in the ―no-problem‖ situation, a conversation would involve simply exploring positive states and outcomes together. In the ―other owns a problem‖ situation, a conversation would involve simply pacing the other person‘s dilemma, assisting the other person to clarify what their outcome is, and guiding them through processes to assist change towards that. In the ―I own a problem‖ situation, a conversation would involve simply asserting my position and identifying the changes I want. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
218
In real life, it is more useful if I continuously monitor the changing internal states of myself and the other person, and adjust my language use to best represent the shifts of problem ownership, many of which are of course a result of my own previous communications. For example, in the midst of helping my partner solve her or his problem, I may discover that I myself am uncomfortable with the way my partner insists that I listen to complaints about what goes wrong, and does not shift to an outcome (solution focused) frame. From using Helping skills (―So for you the problem is...‖ and ―So what you want is...‖) I would then shift to using Assertive skills (―One thing I‘m finding frustrating about the way you‘re talking is...‖ and ―I‘d find it easier to help if...‖). Most particularly, once I have used an Assertive skill, a common outcome is for my partner to shift into the problem state themselves (to feel uncomfortable in response to my communication). When a person hears my I message ―I resented the way you didn‘t get that report to me on time as we‘d arranged. It involved me in a lot of extra work‖ it is rare for them to respond with congruent joy and enthusiasm to improve next time. If you think of times when someone has, however skilfully, asserted themselves with you in this way, you‘ll notice that you‘re more likely to experience feelings of embarrassment, discomfort, hurt, annoyance, and mismatching responses. That is to say, you‘re more likely to own a problem about the message, and possibly about the issue. If I‘ve used an I message (Assertion skill) and the other person owns a problem about that, the next step to getting my problem solved will be to shift back from Assertion, and help them solve their own problem. To do this, I simply use reflective listening (a Helping language pattern), to pace their concern (eg ―You think I‘m over-reacting...‖). As NLP points out, there is no resistance, only a lack of rapport. Once the other person feels fully heard in their own problem state (evidenced usually by a nod of the head), then it becomes possible to restate my I message taking into account their comment. As they have now been heard, their ―emotional temperature‖ is reduced, and they are more able to hear my concern and respond positively to it. The process of resolving such a situation by alternating between I messages and reflective listening is called the two step‖ in Transforming Communication because it is like a dance. Here‘s how it might sound in practice, in a discussion where Joan is using the model in a concern with her work colleague, Frank (notice that if Frank knew the model, the process would be even more fluent, but Joan can use the model regardless of this): Joan: Frank, I have a problem I‘d like to discuss. You arrived home an hour later than expected a couple of times last week and I didn‘t get the time to myself in the evening that I was hoping for, and I guess I feel a bit resentful about spending that much of my day child-minding. [Joan “owns” a problem: she is the one who is concerned about what has happened, so she uses an I message. Frank is feeling Okay, so initially he doesn‟t own a problem.] Frank: [sighs] Lighten up Joan. I had a busy day; that‘s all. Joan: You think I‘m over-reacting, and you had a lot of extra stuff to do. [Frank responds indicating that he owns a problem, so Joan does the Two Step and reflective listens him.] Frank: [nods] Sure. And it‘s no big deal. Joan: Well, I still want to know that I have time to myself to do the things that I really want to do. My day is long too. [Frank‟s nod indicates he feels paced/understood, so Joan Two Steps and restates her I message.] Frank: Look, I guess I just forgot how important this can be to you. I‘ll be more careful. How about, if I do arrive late in future, I could adjust later and give you extra time on the weekend. Joan: Thanks. I would appreciate your help with that. Frank: Okay. I just wasn‘t thinking. Sorry. [Frank is now apologising. As he‟s still not feeling totally comfortable, Joan again acknowledges his comments before thanking him for changing his approach.] Joan: Well I‘d appreciate sort of knowing that the time for myself is there. Thanks. This, of course, is a ―best case‖ scenario. There are two other possible outcomes of this discussion, described below. Both are ―conflicts‖. John Gottman found that such discussions and conflicts occurred in even the best relationships, and that effective couples might get very emotional (even angry) as they talked about such issues, but they avoided certain key destructive behaviours. Those seven core behaviours to avoid (listed by Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 25-46) include:
Harsh Startup of the discussion with an angrily stated ―You message‖ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
219
Criticism of the person as a person rather than complaint about their behaviour. Contempt of the other person, conveyed nonverbally by raised eyebrows and a sneering facial expression, or verbally by mockery of the person‘s position, sarcasm and hostile humour. This is the most serious of the seven behaviours, it is the fastest way to predict separation, and it is virtually unseen in successful relationships (Gottman, 1999, p 128) Defensiveness, expressed by arguing/blaming back while refusing to acknowledge the other‘s concern or accept that they have a problem. Stonewalling, expressed by simply stopping talking without negotiating, or leaving the room. Becoming Emotionally Flooded, as a result of these behaviours, as evidenced by the person being physically over-aroused, with a pulse above 95 beats per minute. Failure of Repair Attempts and Self-nurturing behaviours, eg to call a halt for time to calm down, or to apologise and ask to start again, as these last patterns occur.
Three Types Of Conflict The Two Step process will lead to one of three outcomes. Depending on which outcome occurs, you can easily identify which steps to take next to most effectively resolve the conflict. Outcome 1) Misunderstanding. The Two Step process itself resolves the conflict (as above). Such conflict could be considered a simple miscommunication. In the example above, for instance, once Frank has clearly heard what Joan‘s problem is (which is assisted by her use of I messages and reflective listening -both her use of clear first position and clear second position) the problem is solved. Conflicts of the type described as Closed Calibration Loops by Bandler and Grinder in the book Changing With Families (see Transforming Communication p 160-162) are of this type. No further action may be needed. Outcome 2) Conflict of Needs. As a result of the Two Step process, it becomes clear that both people have a concrete problem. Both people can understand that the other person has a problem, though they are reluctant to solve the other person‘s problem as this would leave them with their own difficulty. Thomas Gordon calls this a Conflict of Needs. In NLP terms it is a conflict which both parties have agreed to keep at the neurological level of environment, behaviour or capability (their values and sense of identity are not a subject of discussion, only how and where they do what). John Gottman calls this a ―Solvable Conflict‖ and recommends developing solutions which honour both parties ―dreams‖ in the conflict. In such a situation, Gordon recommends the skilled use of his 6 step win-win conflict resolution model (Gordon, 1974, p217-234), which is an analogue of NLP‘s 6 step Reframing. Gordon‘s six steps are: 1. Identify the problem in terms of two sets of needs, rather than two conflicting solutions. Needs are more chunked up descriptions than solutions, and are comparable to evidence procedures in NLP (―How will you know that this problem is solved?‖ rather than ―What specific way would you suggest to solve this problem right now?‖) or even to Positive Intentions (―If you get this solution, what do you get through that, that is even more important?) . Gottman describes this as discovering what are the ―dreams‖ behind the stated solution. 2. Brainstorm potential solutions which could meet both sets of needs/outcomes/dreams. 3. Evaluate the ability of these proposed solutions to meet both sets of needs. 4. Choose a solution or more than one solutions to put into action. 5. Act 6. Evaluate the results. An example would be if the conversation between Frank and Joan went like this: Joan: Frank, I have a problem I‘d like to discuss. You arrived home an hour later than expected a couple of times last week and I didn‘t get the time to myself in the evening that I was hoping for, and I guess I feel a bit resentful about spending that much of my day child-minding. [Joan “owns” a problem: she is the one who is concerned about what has happened, so she uses an I message. Frank is feeling Okay, so initially he doesn‟t own a problem.] Frank: [sighs] Lighten up Joan. I had a busy day; that‘s all. Joan: You think I‘m over-reacting, and you had a lot of extra stuff to do. [Frank responds indicating that he owns a problem, so Joan does the Two Step and reflective listens him.] From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
220
Frank: [nods] Sure. And if I come home without completing that stuff, I‘ll end up in rouble at work. Joan: So you want to make sure you get the things done at work that are your responsibility. Well, I still want to know that I have time to myself to do the things that I really want to do. My day is long too. Maybe we can find a way to meet both those concerns. [Frank now understands that Joan has a concrete problem, as his nod indicates, but if he agreed to help her, he‟d have a problem of his own (trying to guess what issues were serious enough for her). This is what Thomas Gordon calls a Conflict of Needs and John Gottman calls a solvable problem. Joan sums up the two sets of needs/outcomes, and invites Frank to begin win-win conflict resolution to identify a solution which will meet both sets of needs/outcomes.] Frank. [nods] Yeah. I guess I could adjust later and give you extra time on the weekend if I get home late in the week. Joan: Thanks. That would work for me too. I would appreciate your help with that. Frank: Okay. Lets do that. Outcome 3) Conflict of Values. As a result of the Two Step process, it becomes clear that at least one person believes that the conflict involves their deeper beliefs, values or sense of identity. In Robert Dilts‘ NLP model these are disagreements at a higher neurological level (Dilts, 1993, p 55-56). Such a person will be reluctant to engage in the sort of conflict resolution demonstrated above because their values are ―non-negotiable‖. Put another way, Person A believes that Person B is trying to change Person A‘s values/identity, which Person A considers is really ―none of Person B‘s business‖. This is what Thomas Gordon calls a ―Values Collision‖ (Gordon, 1974, p283-306). Note that in this situation it is less likely that a satisfactory solution will be reached in one session. John Gottman found that 69% of all relationship conflicts were in this category, in both successful and unsuccessful relationships (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 130). Gottman calls these conflicts ―unsolvable problems‖, where the partners‘ basic dreams are in conflict. He doesn‘t mean that nothing can be done about such conflicts; simply that they cannot be resolved in a session of ―problem-solving‖ talk. In fact, he notes that successful couples learn to respect and honour each other‘s differing values, and accept that the difference will continue for some time. Thomas Gordon also recommends that many values conflicts are best dealt with by learning to live with the difference, or to altering the relationship so that the other person‘s values do not clash so frequently with theirs. Skills that are recommended by Thomas Gordon for actually influencing others values include values consulting, and modelling. Modelling involves demonstrating, in ones own behaviour, the effectiveness of one‘s values. Values consulting is a skilled linguistic influencing process which requires (Gordon, 1974, p294-297): 1. Ensuring you have been ―hired‖ as a consultant (that the other person agrees to listen). 2. Preparing your case, especially any relevant information. 3. Sharing your expertise and opinions in simple I message form (―I believe...‖) and shifting gears to active listen the other‘s opinion. 4. Leaving the other to make up their own mind, rather than attempting to force a new value. People rarely change values in direct interaction with someone who shares the opposing value. It is more common for them to change at a later time, having been left in a positive state, to choose. If you attempted to resolve Conflicts of Values as if they were Conflicts of Needs, it could well lead to disillusionment with the conflict resolution process, and the belief that ―some people just cannot be engaged in a win-win conflict resolution way‖. Here‘s how the conversation between Frank and Joan might go if it was a Conflict of Values: Joan: Frank, I have a problem I‘d like to discuss. You arrived home an hour later than expected a couple of times last week and I didn‘t get the time to myself in the evening that I was hoping for, and I guess I feel a bit resentful about spending that much of my day child-minding. [Joan “owns” a problem: she is the one who is concerned about what has happened, so she uses an I message. Frank is feeling Okay, so initially he doesn‟t own a problem.] Frank: [sighs] Lighten up Joan. I had a busy day; that‘s all. Joan: You think I‘m over-reacting, and you had a lot of extra stuff to do. [Frank responds indicating that he owns a problem, so Joan does the Two Step and reflective listens him.] Frank: [nods] Sure. I mean, that‘s my life. My work is also important to me. I don‘t really feel comfortable negotiating that with you. [Frank identifies a difference in values about the issue] From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
221
Joan: So you see that as your life to decide about. Well, I have a different way of thinking about that particular part of it – the timing piece. I‘d like to discuss it some more some time. Would you be willing to hear my thoughts about that? [Joan reflective listens Frank‟s value and identifies the difference.] Frank: [sighs] Maybe.... Yeah, I guess so. I don‘t want to get into a heavy discussion about it now though. Joan: Great. How about the kids are out on Saturday: maybe we could put aside half an hour to clarify our approaches with each other. [Joan arranges to meet with Frank at a time that is easier for him to discuss their values difference. There, she will continue to use reflective listening and I messages to advocate her value, acting as what Thomas Gordon calls a “Values Consultant”, and modelling her values.] Frank: Okay; that‘ll work. C. Coaching Couples To Transform Their Communication I enjoy working with couples, especially when we can share a model of relationship such as Transforming Communication. Assisting couples to change successfully involves a strategy; an organised sequence of internal representations and external actions performed by the person assisting. I have described this helping sequence in terms of a simple 7 stage model, using the acronym RESOLVE (Bolstad, 2004). The 7 stages of this model are: Resourceful state for the Practitioner Establish rapport Specify outcome Open up model of world Leading to desired state Verify change Ecological exit Resourceful State The first task of a coach working with a couple is to get into a resourceful state to help. This involves understanding what kind of things go wrong in relationships, and what kind of things can be done to support things going well. Generally, when couples come for counseling or coaching, they are either experiencing serious, unpleasant, unresolved conflict or at least one partner feels lonely and has major unmet needs for love and closeness. More often than not, at least one person is not hopeful about the chances of creating what they want within this relationship. In the largest survey ever done on reasons for divorce, 80% of divorced men and women said their relationship broke up because they gradually grew apart and lost a sense of closeness, or because they did not feel loved and appreciated. John Gottmans research shows that this is the core issue which (in only 20-27% of cases of divorce studied) led to an extramarital affair, and not the other way around. Affairs do not generally cause couples to move apart; being apart makes affairs possible. Furthermore, the loss of friendship and love is the core issue for both men and women, so, as Gottman says, maybe they do come from the same planet (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 16). In using the coaching metaphor to discuss what you do with a couple, I am recommending that you see yourself as someone hired by the couple to improve their performance, like a sports coach. This coaching metaphor, as used by John Gottman, implies certain things about your intervention:
The couples coach knows something about what makes relationships work. Like a sports coach, he or she has some skills to share. For me, those skills include most of all the ones I summarised in the last section on Transforming Communication. Couples coaching is an emotionally positive experience, where the coach is an ally who helps identify and extend existing relationship strengths and support clients in reaching for their own best dreams. The coach is not trying to manipulate the clients towards her/his own ideal marriage. Gottman says ―My views on what works well in marriages are based solely on what ―real people‖ do to have stable and satisfying marriages, whatever their socioeconomic, ethnic, and racial attributes…. I have often described my goal as fostering the ―good enough marriage.‖ I am likely to think a marriage is good enough if the two spouses choose to have coffee and pastries together on a Saturday afternoon and really enjoy the conversation, even if they don‘t heal one another‘s childhood wounds or don‘t always have wall-socket, mind-blowing, skyrocket sex—or even if they aren‘t very individuated and even appear to some to be ―symbiotic.‖ It works for them.‖ (Gottman, 1999, p 185) From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
222
Couples coaching is aimed at empowering the clients themselves to use tools to validate each other, to calm themselves down when they are emotionally flooded, and to communicate in the way that the most successful relaters do. Gottman asks the client to act more positively, rather than providing the positive input himself as one might at times with an individual client. For example, he says: ―Let me just stop you here, Mike. Research has shown that there are some patterns of interaction in marriages that are very destructive of love. These are being contemptuous and insulting, and being threatening. I cannot let you interact like that here. I suggest that you don‘t at home either…. So please rephrase your complaints….‖ (Gottman, 1999, p 190). Couples coaching provides a graduated series of attainable steps – a training in relationship skills from the easiest to the most challenging. John Gottman explains his role metaphorically by saying: ―I think of the model of a boxing coach, who, after the bell signals the end of a round, gives the boxer one very simple suggestion that can be used in the next round.‖ (Gottman, 1999, p 190).
Establish Rapport When you work with a couple, two people are going to walk into the session, not one. You will want to build rapport with both people, and of course one (often the person who arranged the session) may feel more in rapport with you already. While it is tempting to pay most of your attention to that person, it is the other person whose rapport you need most of all, to have permission to help with this relationship. In successful couples coaching, there are, in a sense, three clients: each of the two people, and their relationship itself. The relationship is like a business partnership – it acts as an entity itself.
The Three Clients
If only one person wants to preserve the relationship, you have not been hired by the relationship at all, but by one individual. In that case, what you are doing is much more like individual therapy with two people, each of whom has their own agenda. It helps to get clear about this at the start. I begin a couples session by asking what each person expects and wants from our time together. Virginia Satir, for example, would often start by saying ―I‘m wondering what, as you‘re all sitting here, as you‘re thinking about it, what is it that you expect.‖ (from the transcript of a first session by Virginia Satir, recorded in Haley and Hoffman, 1967, p 99). Satir‘s question is addressed to all those present. Her reflective listening will also be often addressed to all those present. For example, she summarises their response to this initial question by saying ―You obviously are coming here to get all the help I can offer… it was hard for you to figure out why Gary was saying what he was saying. Just as hard as it was for him to figure out why you were saying and doing what you were doing.‖ Gottman explains ―In the initial assessment the spouses need to tell their own stories of their marital dilemma, and its history, and they need to present their theories of what the problems are in their marriage. This seems to be an essential need of all couples coming for therapy. During this process it is important that the therapist listen fairly and nonjudgmentally to both spouses, periodically summarize what is heard (and ask if there is anything else still missing from this summary), and form therapeutic alliances with both people.‖ (Gottman, 1999, p 194) Gottman suggests that there are two situations in which he refuses to engage clients in couples coaching: cases where a partner is physically violent, and cases where there is an ongoing extramarital affair. Physical violence requires the building into the system of safety structures and it is unreasonable to expect that a person whose life is in danger will participate honestly in creating a new relationship. Gottman‘s research showed that in such situations, shame results in the abused partner covering up their actual feelings in conjoint sessions (Gottman, From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
223
1999, p 118). Where there is an additional (extramarital) relationship, the coaching session is unable to include all the relevant people, and hence shares the fate of trying to counsel half a relationship by discussing relationship dynamics with only one partner. Partially to determine whether either of these conditions exist, Gottman recommends arranging brief individual sessions with each member after the first coaching session, to elicit a genuine sense of how committed each person is to the relationship – whether they really want to stay. SPECIFY Outcomes Usually the couples‘ initial outcomes are described in ―away from‖ terms. They tell you what they want to avoid, to move away from. John Gottman‘s research shows that merely avoiding or ―resolving‖ individual conflicts will not ensure that a relationship survives. He recommends beginning couples work with much more general tasks, designed to create positive experiences as quickly as possible, and to help him understand what outcomes he will be working towards. These tasks involve a number of questionnaires designed to have each member of the couple describe the quality of their friendship and the level of their conflict resolution skills, both now and when they first were attracted to each other. When Gottman asks the couple to describe the story of their dilemma, he also directs their focus towards positive strengths by saying ―I guess we‘ll just start by telling me how you met.‖ (Gottman, 1999, p 134). Virginia Satir also asked couples to describe the story of their relationship, in particular to reassociate the couple back into the experience they had when they fell in love and when their relationship was going well. She says, for example ―So now lets see how it was, as you think about it, when the family was all happy together.‖ (in Haley and Hoffman, 1967, p 112). In NLP terms this experience re-anchors the couple back into the feelings of love and attraction. It also goes some way towards deconstructing the significant reframes of the relationship history that a quarrelling couple develop, Gottman explains ―I have found over and over that couples who are deeply entrenched in a negative view of their spouse and their marriage often rewrite their past.‖ (Gottman and Silver, 1999, p 42). From collecting this story, Gottman is able to shift to the most significant outcome setting that he does, which is to ask the couple to tell him what their dreams of life together at its best would be. He encourages couples to rediscover these dreams within the very conflicts that they have been having, using the process NLP calls identifying positive outcomes. While he will later coach the couple in doing this themselves, at first it is Gottman who restates the complaints as dreams of how the relationship could be, for example (Gottman, 1999, p 138): Emma: I want more of that. I now know in my life for the first time what it‘s like to be in love with someone And being in love, you crave, you want. There are things that have to be done, but I miss that lengthy courtship. I thought it would continue once we were married. And it really hasn‘t. We have just not had the time. So… Gottman: So that‘s a potential issue – how to build more time together into your marriage. It is quite a moving experience for a couple to hear their worst frustrations reframed as dreams. As examples, Gottman suggests (1999, p 238) that by exploring you may discover that a client shifts from saying:
―My partner is careless with money‖ ―I want to have the independence at the end of life that my parents don‘t have, so I can relax about growing old.‖ ―My partner is tight with money‖ ―I want to lead a moral and generous life within a world that is often very unfair to others. I want to carry on my parents tradition of giving money to charity.‖
Gottman‘s idea is that people stay in relationships when those relationships nourish or at least respect the existence of their dreams. The goal to ―resolve our conflicts‖ just isn‘t big enough to make a relationship work! Insoo Kim Berg and the other Solution Focused therapists (Berg, 1994)have emphasised that setting outcomes with a member of a couple involves asking for specific, positive descriptions of both what they will do different and what their partner will do different in response. It also involves checking for times when the problem has not occurred (both real or imagined) to check what skills the person has available already. Examples of solution focused questions could include: a. Asking for a description of the person‘s outcome. For example: From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
224
―What has to be different as a result of you talking to me?‖ ―What do you want to achieve?‖ ―What would need to happen for you to feel that this problem was solved?‖ ―How will you know that this problem is solved?‖ ―When this problem is solved, what will you be doing and feeling instead of what you used to do and feel?‖ ―What would your partner need to know was different so that they realise that this problem is solved?‖
b. Asking about when the problem doesn‘t occur (the exceptions). For example: ―When is a time that you noticed this problem wasn‘t quite as bad?‖ ―What was happening at that time? What were you doing different? What was your partner doing different‖ c. If there are no exceptions, asking about hypothetical exceptions using the ―Miracle‖ question: ―Suppose one night there is a miracle while you are sleeping, and this problem is solved. Since you are sleeping, you don‘t know that a miracle has happened or that your problem is solved. What do you suppose you will notice that‘s different in the morning, that will let you know the problem is solved?‖ After the miracle question, you can ask other followup questions such as: ―What would your partner notice was different about you?‖ ―What would your partner do differently then?‖ ―What would it take to pretend that this miracle had happened?‖ Open Up The Partners‟ Models Of The World Creating successful relationships involves reframing what is happening in the relationship. The research on successful partnerships shows that happy partners adopt an ―optimistic explanatory style" to account for their partner‘s behaviour. They assume that all the things they approve of in their partner are a result of the positive qualities that they so love. All the things that they don‘t approve of are simply a result of circumstances such as their partner‘s childhood, stressful events in their immediate life situation, or misunderstandings. These are the same rose tinted glasses which people who enjoy life use to look at their own situation through (Seligman, 1997). Leslie Cameron-Bandler suggests that to assist a couple who want to develop a more tolerant attitude to their partner‘s behaviour you can use a technique based on this type of optimistic explanatory style (1985, p 210). She suggests that you identify the behaviour the person objects to in their partner. Then tell them: Imagine yourself doing that behaviour in your relationship, and ask ―What circumstances would cause me to behave in this way?‖ and ―What understandable goal might I be trying to reach by doing this behaviour?‖ Ask yourself ―How could I behave differently towards my partner, knowing the possible circumstances or goals that might cause that behaviour?‖ Ask yourself ―In what way is this behaviour that I object to actually a manifestation of some quality that, at other times, I admire in my partner?‖ Ask yourself ―What are the qualities I most want from my partner in this relationship?‖ and then ―How could I more fully live and express those qualities myself, in this situation where my partner behaves in this way that I object to?‖ In order to have this optimistic explanatory style, it helps for clients to understand that they and their partners may have different personality traits (what NLP calls metaprograms), different values, and different beliefs. In general, just knowing this will be enough to enable a shift towards a positive relationship. At times, these differences will be the basis of ongoing conflicts of values. Most of these, Gottman‘s research shows, can be easily incorporated into a successful relationship. One of the most challenging differences is in opinions about the appropriate way of handling emotion. Some successful couples shout and ―let off steam‖ a lot, while other equally successful couples avoid such expression of strong negative emotions altogether, and others express emotions verbally and acknowledge the emotions verbally. All three styles work. Where the two people in a relationship have different emotional styles, the challenge of relationship is greatly increased though (Gottman, 1999, p 95) Questionnaires such as the Myers Briggs or Kiersey Bates personality questionnaires, or in NLP the LAB Profile questionnaire, elicit metaprogram differences that will be important for a couple to understand. For a trained From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
225
NLP Practitioner, such differences may be obvious in their first interaction with a couple. An example I teach about early on n NLP training is the difference in sensory preference (visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, auditory digital) as demonstrated in the following conflict: Brent: [glancing up right repeatedly, and talking in higher, faster voice] Well my first concern is that I can‘t see how we‘re supposed to get things done when Jill leaves the house in such chaos. It doesn‘t look to me like she‘s at all committed to the relationship. Jill: [looking down right fairly constantly, and talking in a slower, deeper voice] I can‘t understand why Brent gets so gripped up about this. He charges in and out of the house a couple of times every day. And even though we‘re doing things together, we never get much time to touch base. Feels to me like that‘s where the lack of commitment is! Brent: Now see, this is the problem. When we do meet, it‘s as if Jill has a very black and white picture of my part of the relationship. I try to give her a sense of vision about where I see us going with this, and she‘s kind of got her eyes fixed on the desk in front of her, you know. So our discussions are me trying to get the bigger picture, and her focused on what needs doing today. Jill: It‘s not so easy to feel motivated by the grand scheme when you don‘t feel comfortable with the situation at hand. If we had more time to work through things on a daily basis, I‘d feel more like we had somewhere to launch things from. Another part of opening up a couple‘s models of the world involves teaching them to understand what happens between them as a system, rather than as a direct one way influencing process. Clients frequently come in believing that their partner (who has personal problems) initiates the conflict between them. I want the couple to understand that both people could begin from very understandable positions and yet end up, by a sequence of interactions, in conflict. For example, Gottman describes a common systemic male-female conflict pattern that results from the different ways mens and womens bodies respond to stress. Under stress, men secrete more noradrenaline, making them more prone to fear and anger. This makes stressful emotional situations more challenging for men to ―pull out‖ from. Women under stress secrete more oestrogen, a hormone which encourages bonding. To a woman‘s body, emotional stress is a signal to move closer to others; to a man‘s body, it is a signal to attack or flee. Consequently, men avoid raising issues that may lead to emotional stress. By the time women raise an issue, their frustration level is already high, and they are more likely to use criticism and blaming in their startup (the first of Gottman‘s ―four horsemen of the apocalypse‖ that indicate divorce risk). Men then tend to respond with defensiveness (the second horseman). Since their attempt to resolve the conflict has been rejected, women then often express contempt (the third horseman) and this is damaging enough to result in the man avoiding any further discussion, thus ―stonewalling‖ (the fourth horseman). (Gottman, 1999, p 41-47). None of the steps in this sequence can be understood without knowing what precipitated it, and the whole system is a cycle which plays over and over until separation occurs. I reflective listen whole sequences such as this, once I have heard them from the couple (eg ―So it‘s a little scary for you to bring up issues John, and that gets you frustrated and means you start off with fairly strong statements sometimes Joan, and then when you defend yourself John, it gives you the sense that nothing is possible here Joan, so that after a while John you get the sense that there‘s so much hostility here that it makes sense just to check out of the whole conflict. Is that right?‖) In such a sequence, to blame one partner for the conflict is irrelevant. The only relevant response is to change both people‘s responses. That is my next task with a couple. Leading to New Ways of Relating The central task of my session with a couple involves exploring the actual structure of their communication with each other in the session, and literally coaching them in how to engage in such discussions. The structure of this communication is more important than the theoretical content (which may be any of the above issues, or some issue that the couple have been disagreeing about previously). I use the Transforming Communication model as a basis for our discussing what is happening between the couple, and for selecting which skills will be most useful to use at a particular time.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
226
This is where couples work becomes fundamentally different to individual work. The metamodel is an NLP tool for getting people to send sensory specific I messages, and to initiate sensory specific feedback in the communication process (see Transforming Communication p 122-123). It was developed by classifying linguistically all the questions that Virginia Satir asked as a family therapist. Once we have identified the outcomes for our work together, most of my interaction with the clients is done using questioning tools such as the metamodel, to reframe experiences in sensory specific terms, and using reflective listening tools to validate their expanding learnings, as in the following example from early in a coaching process: Person A: ―You‘re being incredibly insensitive; that‘s what‘s wrong here!‖ Coach: ―So that‘s what really upsets you. Can I just check, how, specifically, is he/she being insensitive?‖ Person A: ―Well, the way she/he wasn‘t listening when I said all that.‖ Coach: ―Oh; so you had the impression he/she wasn‘t listening. [to Person B] Were you?‖ Person B: ―Of course I was. I heard every word. That‘s so insulting.‖ Coach: ―So as far as you were concerned you were listening. [to Person A] And as far as you were concerned, she/he wasn‘t. What would let you know she/he actually was listening?‖ Person A: ―Well, if he/she looked in my direction of course.‖ Coach: [to Person B] ―Did you know that was what she needed to see to feel listened to?‖ Person B: ―No. ― Coach: ―So this may have happened several times, and when she/he complained, you would have felt insulted; is that right?‖ Person B: ―Yes. And I suppose that once I feel that way, I actually do listen less.‖ Person A: ―Exactly. So how am I supposed to know if your listening, if you don‘t even look at me?‖ Coach: ―That‘s what we‘re after isn‘t it. A way you can know that he/she‘s really hearing you. And one solution is for him/her to look at you. Another thing I might add is...Do you feel listened to by me?‖ Person A: ―Sure.‖ Coach: ―Because I‘m aware that one thing I‘m doing is checking whether I‘ve understood what you say before I reply each time. Sort of restating it to find out if I got it right. And that gives us both feedback about whether I understand you.‖ In this sequence, the coach uses the metamodel questions, combined with reflective listening. She/he also models and teaches this feedback process. It would have been so easy for the therapist to have assumed (with person A) that they both knew what ―not listening‖ or even ―being insensitive‖ meant to each of them. In couples therapy the secret is to internally question every definition and every presupposition! Just because one person refers to something and the other person nods doesn‘t mean they both know what they‘re talking about. If a client says ―You always sound so angry. Can‘t you just be friendly?‖ a coach could intervene and ask the person to rephrase their comment as an I message. They might also respond using reflective listening: ― She sounded angry when she said that. Do you mean she always sounds that way to you?‖ or ―You‘d like her to be more friendly. What specifically would she do that would be ―being friendly‖?‖ These questions are metamodel questions. More examples of this process are given in Satir, Bandler and Grinder‘s book Changing with Families. The metamodel, again, encourages the other person to send clear ―I messages‖. Notice, however, that I do not recommend initially that you teach the metamodel to the couple. The metamodel is a mismatching skill; it chunks down and disagrees with the other person, and requires a high level of rapport to be used successfully. My focus in coaching is to help the couple learn a new process of relating, not to solve particular content issues. As in all communication, the content is seductive; by which I mean that it‘s tempting to get involved in the issues, in finding a solution, in who said what when, in who really has what values, metaprograms or negative anchors. The key to successful couples work is to pay attention most of the time to the process. Sorting out a particular conflict is a great experience, but without understanding the structure of effective communication, the couple are likely to return again and again to get help with future conflicts. Knowing this means I‘m willing for us not to complete discussing a particular content in the session, if we can use the time to install a more successful communication process. Once I have shared the full Transforming Communication model with clients, I can coach them to run through it with specific conflicts which have puzzled them. For example; Person A: ―For example, we had a conflict yesterday about which shirt he should wear to the restaurant.‖ Coach: ―OK, great. Can I just check who owned a problem at that time, when you started talking about that?‖ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
227
Person A: ―Well I think he has a problem letting go of old shirts that are no longer wearable.‖ Coach: [to Person B] ―Did you have a problem, in the terms we mean – were you upset about that?‖ Person B: ―Not until she hassled me about it.‖ Coach: [to Person A] ―OK. So you had a problem?‖ Person A: ―I guess. I think he needs to throw out some of those old shirts.‖ Coach: ―Great. Let‘s replay that. How would you start, knowing that you have a problem?‖ Person A; [to Person B] ―I‘d like you to let go of some of those old shirts.‖ Coach: ―Can I check; what is the sensory specific behaviour, how do you feel about it, and are there any concrete effects on you.‖ Person A: ―OK. When you wear one of those old shirts with a hole in it, I feel embarrassed, and the effect is that I don‘t want to go out with you.‖ Coach: ―I get the behaviour and the feeling in there. Can I just check; the concrete effect. Is that something that you think he would agree is an actual result that has to happen when he does that, or is it something he thinks is in your control.‖ Person A: ―Hmmm. In my control. So what‘s the concrete effect?‖ Coach: ―Doesn‘t look to me like there is one. That‘s still fine. If you send the I message, lets find out what happens.‖ Person A: ―I‘ll see. [to Person B] When you wear one of those old shirts with a hole in it, I feel embarrassed.‖ Person B: ―Well I‘m very fond of that shirt. It has special meaning to me.‖ Person A: [to Coach] ―I‘m so tempted to get back into this…. But I know the next step s to reflect what he said…‖ [to Person B] ―So you like it.‖ Person B; ―Sure. It‘s my shirt, my choice. I don‘t tell you what shirts to wear.‖ Coach: ―If I can pause you at that point‖ [to Person B] ―It‘s not necessary to raise the issue of what other conflicts you have or don‘t have. You could even reflect her concern.‖ Person B: [to Person A] ―So you don‘t like that shirt because it looks scruffy?‖ Person A: ―Right. I guess this is a values difference. I enjoy looking at you much more when you‘re wearing something tidier.‖ Person B: ―Well, that‘s useful to know. I like when you enjoy looking at me… and I also want to choose my own shirts.‖ Person A: ―Fair enough.‖ Coach: [to both] ―How was that?‖ Person A: ―More successful than what I did last night, but still not resolved. Person B: ―Yeah‖ Coach ―And that may be the way it is – unresolved. Because this is a values conflict with no concrete effect. It‘s still really important, and over time this may change.‖ Because my aim is to have the couple self monitor and use the skills of effective relating themselves, I can also coach them nonverbally by asking them to discuss their issue standing up, and to shift one step forward each time their partner‘s communication leads them to feel closer, one step back each time it leads them to feel more distant. In teaching Transforming communication, we use a very sophisticated version of this ―sociometric‖ process‖ to demonstrate the ―Two Step‖, and with newer clients the simple ―distance-closeness‖ version gives valuable feedback. This only needs to be done for a few sentences to give clear feedback to all of us, not only about the effect of such unhelpful strategies as criticism, but also about whether one or both partners have anchored themselves into such a negative state that any comment at all comes across as an attack and creates distance. When the anchoring is that destructive, I would usually recommend individual sessions. Extramarital affairs and major arguments frequently create emotionally traumatic responses which benefit from the NLP Trauma cure or Time Line Therapy™. I strongly recommend arranging such session for both partners, in that case, because there is a risk of labelling one person as the ―sick‖ partner otherwise. One person‘s session may of course involve primarily trauma cure work while the other person‘s involves values clarification or even coaching in how to respond to conflicts.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
228
Verify Change The time that the clients are with me is certainly only a small fraction of the time they have available for enhancing their relationship. Setting them tasks to do in their own time greatly increases the value of their coaching. Even more interestingly, clients can be asked to design their own task based on their own assessment of their current situation. This, of corse, is a behaviour that would be useful for them to continue after the coaching has officially finished. As they report back the next session on the tasks they have attempted, tasking also gives me valuable feedback about how fully they are now able to put into practice what they have learned in our sessions. Tasking, rather than mere verbal reporting, forms the most effective feedback, because as mentioned earlier in this article, most couples counselling clients report very favourably on their counselling sessions even when the result of those sessions is the dissolution of their relationship. Here are some examples of the type of tasks couples may assign themselves:
To spend 10 minutes each day checking in and reporting on what is happening in each person‘s life. To spend 10 minutes each listening to the other person talking about their dreams of what this relationship could offer. To spend 15 minutes with one person listening to the other, using reflective listening about an issue outside the conflict between the two people; then reversing the roles and repeating. To have a 30 minute discussion about a values conflict, not aiming to reach an agreement but to understand the dreams behind the values being expressed. To resolve a minor conflict of needs using the win-win process. To have each person design an evening which meets some need, value or dream of theirs that they feel is not fully met in the relationship usually, and have the couple experience these evenings over the next fortnight. To experiment with some small behaviour that each person would like to do but has felt unable to so far in the relationship. To work together on some small one hour joint project of mutual benefit.
It is useful to comment here on what other therapists would describe as provocative or paradoxical interventions. Usually these are interventions that set the couple the task of doing what they thought was the problem. They are very useful when the couple have been ―trying unsuccessfully‖ to do what they think is right, and have built up a kind of ―internal resistance‖ to success. These tasks are ―paradoxical‖ only in a ―logical‖ sense, and do not require the coach to ―trick‖ or manipulate the couple. They can be explained quite openly to the couple. Perhaps the most well known example of such a task is in sexual therapy where a couple who have been attempting unsuccessfully to have sexual intercourse will be given the task of mutual pleasuring without any actual intercourse. Freed from the ―requirement‖ to try and ―consummate‖ their sexual contact, they can then relax and enjoy lovemaking. The effect of ―not having full sexual contact‖ is now reversed. Instead of being a problem, it becomes a solution. This experience of just pleasuring is itself often all the couple need in order to make sexual intercourse possible (Kaplan, 1974, p 232-236). As another example, I had a couple come to see me when one partner had very little sexual response within the relationship but had good sexual response to a fantasy situation (a fantasy which he felt uncomfortable about discussing). As we talked it became clear that his struggle not to think about the fantasy situation meant that he was shutting down his sexual responsiveness with his partner. I gave this couple the task of ―taking the energy from the fantasy into their relationship‖ – not actually acting out the fantasy (which is frequently not what a person with such a fantasy congruently ―wants‖ anyway) but requiring him to fantasise while making love. This is the very thing they both feared, of course, and prescribing it seems paradoxical. However since they were now doing this in the service of their relationship, the task actually reversed the effect of the fantasy. This prescription is also used by sex therapist Helen Singer Kaplan (1974, p249-251).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
229
John Gottman, like most couples coaches, will often give a couple the task of having a conflict happen, while they are on their own, at a prescribed time. This is exactly what the couple has feared, but since they are now choosing consciously to have the conflict, the experience is fundamentally different. That in itself changes the nature of not only this conflict but all subsequent conflicts. From being things that happen uncontrollably, conflicts become events that the two people can choose to have. Conflicts become planned explorations of their dreams and needs. Gottman will often require the couple not to reach any conclusion at all, once again freeing them to listen to each other and share their actual responses, without feeling that they need to ―convince‖ the other or to find and commit themselves to a perfect solution (Gottman, 1999, p 247-251). Ecological Exit It would be a dangerous illusion to suggest to a couple that after couples coaching their problems are ―solved‖. They will still want to monitor their own emotional state, checking that their friendship feels strong, and monitor their conversations, checking that they use their new skills. Gottman suggests that couples coaching is complete as soon as a couple demonstrate their ability to have a conflict, make mistakes, and self correct afterwards. He also recommends that couples build into their life some ongoing rituals of positive emotional connection - such as times they go out for a meal, ten minute check in times after their day apart, ways of celebrating their successes both individual and as a couple (Gottman, 1999, p 288-291). Summarising The Revolution In Couples Therapy Not only do over half of all couples in western relationships find maintaining there relationship difficult, but traditional couples counselling offers little help. John Gottman‘s research on the specific language patterns of successful couples meshes well with NLP‘s modelling of language patterns to provide an alternative approach. This approach is a solution focused skills coaching approach. Transforming Communication For Couples The Transforming Communication model of relationships is based on clear problem ownership, which enables each person to monitor whether anyone is not happy with the situation they are in (whether anyone ―owns a problem‖ to use the jargon) and respond with appropriate skills for the four very different situations that occur. When neither person owns a problem, then relationship enhancing processes such as appreciation, shared pleasure and shared activities can be used. When the other owns a problem, rapport skills, open questions and reflective listening assist them to feel understood and find their own solutions. When I own a problem, I send an I message describing the behaviour I‘m not happy with, the way I feel about that, and any concrete effects on me. In response to the person‘s reaction to this, I use reflective listening to help them hear my message. In this way I avoid Gottman‘s high risk behaviours – harsh startup, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, emotional flooding and failed repair attempts. In a simple misunderstanding, this will solve the problem. In a conflict of needs, we will identify each of our basic needs/outcomes and find win-win solutions to meet both sets of needs/outcomes. In a conflict of values, we will model our own values and share them as values consultants with each other, accepting that there may be no immediate solution. Coaching Couples To Transform Their Communication The coaching model has seven key steps to it: Resourceful state for the Practitioner. This includes getting your role clear as an ally who will coach the couple in the use of new skills. Establish rapport. In this case you wan to check your level of rapport with each person and check whether you are hired to support the relationship as an entity. Specify outcomes. Invite the couple to recontact their highest outcomes for the relationship – their dreams of what this could provide them and ask solution focused questions to help get specific examples of both what they want and what skills they already have. Open up model of world. Reframe the relationship as a system where each person‘s responses are involved in generating the others‘. Have them identify how different values, beliefs and metaprogams (personality From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
230
styles) shape their responses. Have them step into each others shoes and experience how they could generate the kind of response they have seen in their partner. Leading to desired state. Coach the couple to change their communication both in conflict situations and in everyday positive situations, so that they create a relationship that honours their dreams. Coaching involves the use of reflective listening, metamodel questioning, and direct instruction in application of the Transforming Communication skills. Verify change. Give the couple tasks to complete at home to enhance both the positive experiences in their relationship and the conflict experiences. At times tasks will prescribe actions which seem to contradict the clients‘ aims, in order that they have space to present themselves as they are rather than as they are trying to be. Once they are self correcting in the completion of tasks such as conflict resolution, coaching is successful. Ecological exit. Encourage clients to build in ongoing monitoring systems to check both their emotional state and their use of the Transforming Communication skills. Dr Richard Bolstad is an NLP trainer and life partner with Julia Kurusheva. He teaches on several continents each year. He can be contacted at +64-9-478-4895 or by email at
[email protected] and his internet site is at www.transformations.net.nz Bibliography: Andreas, S. Virginia Satir: The Patterns of her Magic Science and Behaviour Books, Palo Alto, California, 1991 Bandler, R., Grinder, J. and Satir, V. Changing With Families, Science and Behaviour Books, Palo Alto, California, 1976 Bandler, Richard and Grinder, John, The Structure of Magic, Meta Publications, Cupertino, California, 1975. Berg, I. K. Family Based Services W.W. Norton & Co., New York, 1994 Bobes, T. and Bobes, N.S., The Couple Is Telling You What You Need To Know Norton, New York, 2005 Bolstad, R., M. Transforming Communication Pearsons, Auckland, 2004 Bubenzer, D.L. and West, J.D. Counselling Couples Sage Publications, London, 1993 Cameron-Bandler, L. Solutions Real People Press, Moab, Utah, 1985 Chia, M. and Arava, D.A. The Multi-orgasmic Man Harper Collins, San Francisco, 1996 Chia, M. and Chia, M. Healing Love Through The Tao: Cultivating Female Sexual Energy Healing Tao, Huntington, New York, 1986 Chopra, D. The Path To Love Harmony, New York, 1997 Chu, V. The Yin-Yang Butterfly Simon & Schuster, London, 1997 Colgan, Dr A. and McGregor, J. Sexual Secrets Alister Taylor Publishers, Martinborough, New Zealand, 1981 Delis, D.C. and Phillips, C. The Passion Paradox Piatkus, London, 1990 DeLozier, J. and Grinder, J. Turtles All The Way Down Grinder, DeLozier and Associates, Bonny Doon, California, 1987 Dilts, R. with Bonissone, G. Skills For The Future, Meta Publications, Cupertino, California, 1993 Franzoi, S.L. Social Psychology Brown & Benchmark, Madison, 1996 Gordon, T. ―Teaching People To Create Therapeutic Environments‖ in Suhd, M. M. ed Positive Regard, Science and Behaviour Books, Palo Alto California, 1995, pp 301-336 Gordon, T. Group Centered Leadership: A Way of Releasing The Creative Potential In Groups, HoughtonMifflin, Boston, 1955 Gordon, T. Leader Effectiveness Training, Peter H. Wyden, New York, 1978 Gordon, T. Parent Effectiveness Training, Peter H. Wyden, New York, 1970 Gordon, T. Teacher Effectiveness Training, Peter H. Wyden, New York, 1974 Gottman, J.M. and Silver, N. The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work Three Rivers Press, New York, 1999 Gottman, J.M. The Marriage Clinic W.W. Norton and Co., New York, 1999 Haley, J. and Hoffman, L. Techniques of Family Therapy basic Books, New York, 1967 Haynes, J.M., The Fundamentals of Family Mediation State University of New York, Albany, 1994 Howard, J.W. and Dawes, R.M. ―Linear prediction of marital happiness‖ p 478-480 of Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, No 2, 1976 Kaplan, H. Singer The New Sex Therapy Penguin, Harmondsworth, England, 1974 Perls, F.S. Gestalt Therapy Verbatim Real People Press, Moab, Utah, 1969 Phillips, R. Divorce In New Zealand Oxford, Auckland, 1981 Prather, H. and Prather, G. I Will Never Leave You Bantam, New York, 1995 From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
231
Prior, R. and O‘Connor, J. NLP & Relationships Thorsons, London, 2000-06-28 Satir, V. Conjoint Family Therapy Science and Behaviour Books, Palo Alto, California, 1967 Scuka, R.F., Relationship Enhancement Therapy Routledge, New York, 2005 Seligman, M.E.P. Learned Optimism Random House, Milsons Point, Sydney, 1997 Sternberg, R.J. ―A Triangular Theory of Love‖ in Psychological Review, 93, p 119-135, 1986 Symons, D. The Evolution of Human Sexuality Oxford University, Oxford, 1981 Wegner, D. ―Transactive Memory In Close Relationships‖ in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 61, No. 6, p 923-929, 1991 Wile, D.B. Couples Therapy: A Non-Traditional Approach Wiley, New York, 1992 Wilson, G.D., and McLaughlin, C. The Science of Love Fusion Press, London, 2001
Changing Someone‟s Life in a Single Session © Julia Kurusheva, international NLP consultant
This article is for NLP practitioners at the start of their career, and also may be of use to more experienced NLP practitioners. It looks at how to create major changes in a single session and covers: ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪
A ‗sprint‘ version of RESOLVE model of therapy work 1 A range of solution focussed questions at each step Common ‗obstacles‘ and some ways of clearing them Other observations of what works
As an NLP practitioner I usually recommend my clients to arrange from 2 to 4+ sessions to resolve their life challenges. Very rarely I would see a client for only one session. When discussing with other NLP practitioners how realistic one session change was, I had had an opinion it was a fairly unreasonable expectation. Until recently, when during one month I had the experience of running 50 single sessions with some amazing results. Most of my clients were participants on the overseas NLP trainings run by Richard Bolstad and I, and they ranged from first-time NLP students to those at the trainer level. Because of the limited time we were staying in their city, I could only see each client for one session of 75 minutes. In most cases I worked with an interpreter which cut the actual time by about half. So, how much can you do in 30-40 minutes? Of course we know from NLP that change is instant, and it‘s not changing that takes time. It is notchanging that takes time. And certain steps, followed consistently, create the optimum conditions for someone to change quickly. In fact, the change can happen at each of these steps. Fast reliable changes is what I experienced, and now I‘d like to share with you what I learned about making it possible.
„Sprint Version‟ of Resolve and Specify Models I used the RESOLVE and SPECIFY OUTCOME models as the basis of my sessions.
1
RESOLVE A New Model of Therapy by Dr Richard Bolstad, 2002 From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
232
Resourceful state Establish rapport Specify outcome Open model of world Leading Verify change Exit
Sensory Specific Positive Language Ecology Choice increasing Initiated by self First step Your resources
Working without manuals or taking notes, I soon discovered that my unconscious mind created a simple chart which I was mentally checking throughout a session. Not using notes allowed me to more fully concentrate my attention with clients and use sensory acuity more efficiently. Below is the chart – the ‗Sprint Version‘ - I was using.
Outcome
What do you want changed? If you don’t have that, what will you have? How will you know you’ve got it? (VAKOG)
Ecology
Pre test
Change
Post test
Future pace Any session would start with me being in a Resourceful State and with Establishing Rapport – the first steps of the Resolve model. Being a foreign consultant and an assisting trainer, I already had credibility with my clients and most of them were ‗pre-qualified‘, meaning that they knew about NLP and had trust in it. This allowed us to save time explaining NLP and pre-framing change i.e. doing the Pointing Exercise (see Appendix), which most of my clients had already done during their training. For rapport I would match my client‘s posture, tone and speed of voice, predicates, gestures and breathing. The session would start without my normal practice of taking contact details so that the Establish Rapport part was trimmed down to a wide smile, a traditional bow and a greeting ―Hello [their name in native language]‖. Their name was all I could say in their language. The rest was up to my interpreter. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
233
Outcome “What would you like to change today?” “What would you like to get out of this session?” I would ask the second question if my client was not very clear about the first one. Then they would explain their concerns and I would Reflective Listen to them. This would be a very important step not only for rapport, but especially in acknowledging and validating my client‘s experience. Sometimes a person had never previously talked to anyone about their challenge or had not had an experience of actually being heard. Just this simple step, not even solution focussed yet, allowed them to accept the change much easier. “During the session I had the feeling that Julia understood not only what I said but also what I did not express in words. This was the first session that felt so warm.” N.Y., Counselor “… I knew that I was not expressing my feelings freely. I thought it was important to do this in a safe environment. During the session I was able to express my feelings and felt quite relieved.” Y.M., Counselor
Clearing Obstacles “I don‟t know my outcome. I don‟t know how it could be.” ▪ ▪
―That‘s right, you don‘t. This is exactly what we are doing now.‖ ―Of course you don‘t know, but if you knew, you know.‖
“I can‟t think of/see my outcome until I‟m out of this stuckness.” ▪ ▪
―Of course you can‘t, but if you could see it?‖ ―Right, so you haven‘t been able to see it. How would you know that this has changed for you so that you were out of it? What would you see/hear/feel that would let you know you are out?‖
Positive Language - “If you don‟t have that, what will you have INSTEAD?” In most cases people described problems rather than outcomes, and it was essential to help them ―convert‖ those into positive language by following this simple formula: PACE Reflective Listen
LEAD Ask Solution Focused Question
―So, this is want you‘d like to change, and if you change that, then what will be there instead?‖ ―And if that was not there anymore, what would be there instead?‖ ―So, if you didn‘t feel that, what would you feel then?‖
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
234
An actual representation of the ‗desired‘ state in positive language allows recognition of it after the change happens. It is still possible to ‗clear the problem‘ without knowing the ‗desired‘ state, but clients would more likely feel confused and not know what to expect.
This is an incredibly important part of the change. So often people know really well what it is they don‘t want, but they never imagined what it would be like when it‘s over. This new way of thinking about what they want (rather than don‘t want) and what it would be like, gives them a completely different perspective, alters the habitual thinking and teaches them to ―look outside of stuckness‖ to see what‘s on the other side of it. “How will you know that you‟ve got it?” “What will you see, hear, feel, and say to yourself when you‟ve got it?” “What will others notice different about you?” These questions would create a new experience in the body-mind system, and every new experience would be stored as a body ―memory‖. This is one of the functions of our unconscious mind to store memories. In this way we create a ‗future memory‟ by fully, with our five senses, associating into an experience that hasn‘t happened yet. This process has been used by shamans and healers for a long time. Serge Kahili King, the teacher of the Hawaiian shamanism Huna, says: “… an intensely imagined experience is just as good as the real thing, at least as far as memory-based behaviour is concerned. Hawaiian and other shamans have used this bit of wisdom for untold ages as a tool for healing and self-development. Recently this ancient shamanic understanding has been put to modern use by Olympic athletes, among others, with extremely effective results. By using full sensory imagination in which they perform perfectly every time, the athletes create body memories which make the physical performance easier and better. The same process can be used to train yourself in any skill, state, or condition whatsoever.” 2
Using all senses to set up outcomes creates riveting motivation. It‘s like dreaming, with a certain dose of reality check. Practising to set up sensory specific outcomes in this way is like training a muscle in the gym. It is especially useful for people who are not very clear with what they want. Once they started specifying their goals, even smaller ones first, their body-mind system would soon generalise this skill into other areas and into the larger goals which ultimately will strengthen their sense of clarity, direction and purpose in life. “For a long time I have wanted to restore a relationship with someone, yet was not willing to do something about it. During the session, Julia guided me through the process and let me know how I would feel if the relationship was restored. She also let me understand the purpose of this restoration. When everything was so clear, I made up my mind to take action.” Yoshimi H., Social Welfare, Japan
“During the session, Julia helped me correct all my colours so that I could see and experience "What I really want" and "What had been stopping my success".” Hidekazu Akamine
2
Serge Kahili King, Urban Shaman, 1990 From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
235
Another fascinating thing happened several times after setting the outcome in this way. When I checked how my client felt about their initial concern, they would say: ―Well, now that I have this outcome and the future is looking bright, my problem is irrelevant and not worth paying attention to.‖ It was as if suddenly the initial problem deconstructed and disappeared from their focus. When working with people, it is vital to remember and pay attention to the fact that your client may feel really different about their problem after each of your questions. I found it really valuable to allow for the possibility of spontaneous change at any step, validating any changes and shifts throughout the session and talking to clients as if ―the problem is changing‖. “After about an hour I was surprised to find that what I thought was a problem seemed like a situation where I was just stepping on the brake. I realized that problems do not actually exist. We create them.” Mayuko Shinoda, therapist
Specify Outcome – other steps Occasionally, to increase motivation, I would ask these two questions, but mostly used them at the end when future pacing: ▪ ▪
―What do you personally need to do to achieve / maintain this?‖ ―What is your first step (next steps)?‖
The final step - Your Resources to achieve this outcome - proved to be effective when tackling doubts that changes would be possible: ▪
―Some time in the past you may have had an experience in your life when you did/overcame/achieved something similar. Remember this time now and step right in.‖ (associate into a past time of achieving a goal)
This step by itself is so powerful that several times I skipped an official NLP change process and used it to produce a change. I got my client to remember a time when they achieved something and to step right inside their body in that memory. Then, as they were feeling it fully, to fly inside their outcome and bring all these feelings with them and feel what that feels to be inside the outcome with these feelings of success. Then I asked them to step outside and see themselves in that picture and adjust anything so that it became so attractive and appealing they couldn‘t wait to get back in and be that person. “I no longer feel depressed. Instead I feel wonderful. I do not quite understand what happened in me, but I feel like a completely new person.” Yousuke Watanabe, student, Japan
Clearing Obstacles “It looks good but I don‟t believe I can achieve it.” ▪ ▪
―What would make it easier to believe you can achieve it?‖ ―Remember a time in your life when something didn‘t seem achievable and yet you‘ve done it From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
236
▪
and felt great! Step right inside that time and feel it fully (associate in). As you‘re feeling these resources now, fly out of that memory and into that future picture and into your body and feel how it feels now.‖ Clear a limiting decision using Time Line Therapy TM (see Appendix).
Observations I noticed occasionally at trainings, after learning about conscious and unconscious minds, some people would get upset at their conscious mind for ―being so controlling or rational‖. The Specify Outcome model demonstrates the relationship between them. With our conscious mind we choose an outcome, we decide what it is we want. The conscious mind plays a role of a decision maker. Our unconscious mind gets these instructions and aligns its inherent unlimited potential to achieve it. Another function of the conscious mind is to get feedback and to check whether or not we are on track with our outcome. The unconscious mind aligns our actions in response. For example, if we are hungry we make a decision what to eat. The unconscious mind can simply imagine that we ate and feel full, but the conscious mind will keep tracking whether if happened or not. Understanding and appreciating the role of each helps to feel at ease and maintain rapport between conscious and unconscious minds.
Ecology 1. “What will change as a result of your getting your outcome?” “What are the other benefits/advantages?” “How does this outcome increase your choice?” 2. “Are there any situations/circumstances in which this change wouldn‟t be OK / you wouldn‟t want to be affected by this change?” 3. “Is there anything you will lose?” “What‟s important about that?” “How can you achieve this differently?” “What are the other ways to ensure you are […]?” “How are you already doing/being […] now?” “Is there any part of you that wouldn‟t like this change (ask yourself?)” Ecology plays crucial part in not-changing. Once the ‗objections to change‘ are discovered and new ways of meeting them ecologically are generated, the change is only a moment away. With these 3 sets of questions above I would be checking: 1. What are the benefits of this change? (to build up the positive expectation of their outcome) 2. Contextualisation of the outcome (i.e. a person may set a goal to be more enthusiastic, but they cannot be enthusiastic 24/7, they also need sleep). 3. What will you lose, if anything? (to identify ‗secondary gain‘)
In most cases my clients were afraid of losing something as a result of the change: ▪
Protection / Safety e.g. “If I stop being angry in these situations, I won‟t be safe” From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
237
▪
An important value of theirs such as being respectful, humble, gentle, etc. e.g. “If I assert myself, I won‟t be respectful”; “If I become very rich, I may become arrogant”
▪
Attention from others e.g. “If I recover from this condition, I won‟t get any understanding and sympathy”
▪
A subject for discussion with friends – e.g. “If my life is not difficult, what would I talk to my friend about?”
In addressing these I used open solution focussed questions, such as: ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪
What are the other ways to ensure you are safe? How are you already protecting yourself now? How can you be protecting yourself in other ways when this behaviour is let go off? In what ways could you get attention from others, once this problem is solved? “The session also made me realize that my attitude, which caused some misunderstanding, had a purpose of protecting me as a young child. This clarification made me feel so peaceful.” Yoshimi H., Social Welfare, Japan
▪
Language patterns connecting two states that are opposing each other:
- ―How could you be respectful while being assertive?‖ - ―In what way can you be humble while being rich?‖ These are very powerful questions and immediately connect two split experiences so you need to be careful using them. Once I asked someone ―How could you be playful while working?‖ and it did not make sense to them. They started frowning and explained that the word ―playful‖ did not have a useful meaning for them in the work context.
The ecology check would always take a good chunk of the session. I would keep reflecting each of their answers in their exact words weaving them together into a ‗Conditional Close‘ statement: ―So, if you could protect yourself in this way, and you could ensure that you stayed respectful, and if you could discuss other things with your friends, would it be then all right to make this change?‖ Each time their precise words were reflected back to them, clients would get immersed in their own internal experience of having and/or being all these things. Memorising clients‘ words without writing them down is an invaluable skill in change work. Several years ago I attended a workshop on Clean Language by Sue Knight, an NLP trainer from UK I highly respect, in which she modelled and emphasised the importance of being fully present for your client and training yourself to memorise their words. I cannot emphasise enough how much I benefited from this skill. I believe that this part of rapport building is at least as powerful as visual mirroring and really works as an ―Ad mirroring‖.
Pre Test Open Model of the World From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
238
Normally I would do the Pointing Exercise to demonstrate how NLP can help to change (i.e. ―your body responds to your thinking‖). This time most of my clients already had that experience. Where necessary, I would explain the Time Line Therapy process by drawing a picture and using the frames from Lynn Timpany‘s article ―Preframing Time Line Processes‖.3 Then I would pre-test the problem: ▪ ▪ ▪
“Can you do it now? Will you know if/when it changed?” “Think of it now, you‟d know if that changed, wouldn‟t you?” “When you think about that old problem now, can you get enough of a sense of that problem, so that you‟d know if it changed?”
By answering this question the client accepts the hidden presupposition that change is possible. I have never had anyone say ―No‖ to this question.
Change I selected a change process by using the Personal Strength Model by Richard Bolstad (see Appendix).4 Because my aim was to produce a major/significant transformational experience in one session, I found that two processes generated particularly notable results: Time Line Therapy TM (Tad James) and the Core Outcome process (Connirae Andreas)5.
Frequently I used two additional pieces in these otherwise standard processes: ▪ ▪
Growing a Up Part Spreading Change into the Future Timeline
Growing Up a Part (used in the Time Line Therapy after checking inside the healed event that it feels balanced and emotions have disappeared) Step outside that earlier person and ask her/him if they want to evolve forward through time so that they can benefit from your experiences, learnings and wisdom. If they do, imagine them surrounded with the light, love and healing and allow them to evolve forward through time all the way up to your current age, so that they also learn from each of your experiences while enriching each of your experiences with their own energies, qualities and wisdom. When the part has arrived at your current age, invite it to move inside your body, merging with you. Let this new wholeness spread into every organ of your body, every cell, every molecule, every atom, becoming a part of your being so fully that it can radiate right through your body. As it spreads through your body, you can allow it to integrate with the core of your being, enriching your experience of your inner essence.6
Lynn Timpany, ‗Preframing Time Line Processes‘, www.lynntimpany.co.nz RESOLVE A New Model of Therapy by Dr Richard Bolstad, 2002 Connirae and Tamara Andreas, ‗Core Transformation: Reaching the Wellspring Within‖, Real People Press 1994 6 Mastering Success @ Transformations International Consulting & Training, 2005 From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012 3 4 5
239
Spreading Change into the Future Timeline (used after healing the subsequent events and floating above now looking into the future) Create a symbol for these positive qualities you are developing and put it on a card. Now notice that you have a huge deck of cards in your hands all with the same symbol on one side and you don‘t know what‘s on the other side (because you don‘t know yet who you‘re going to get these qualities from). Float up above now and throw them out across your future Timeline, and see them sparkling like stars falling into your future Timeline lighting it up. Straight after the process I‘d say: ―Welcome back. What was your experience like?‖ and then go to the Post Test. “In the same way that one suddenly becomes aware that music must have been playing only at the very moment that it is turned off; in the same way I suddenly became aware that "guilt" has been a permanent feature of my entire life, just at that very moment when you helped me heal it during our session. I'm talking about a permanent, underlying feeling of guilt, or obligation, in relation to every woman I had any relationship to for my entire life! This discovery is making an astonishing difference in my life now. I feel so much more relaxed, so much freer, and so much more able to be myself! I am very grateful that you allowed me the time I needed to access that force and focus that energy and love, and pour it into the moment of my birth, until I really felt that I had completely healed that event! A real transformation took place in me at that moment.” C.V., Japan
Post Test Verify change: “Try and think of that old problem and notice what‟s different now?” This question ―seals‖ the change. Occasionally, clients may doubt it though.
Clearing Obstacles “I feel OK now but how can I be sure it won‟t come back?” ▪ ▪ ▪
―Try and feel that same emotion? Try again. Try again. That‘s right, it changed.‖ ―What would make it easier for you to believe it‘s changed now?‖ ―That‘s right, there is no guarantee, and ‗yes‘, you could re-create it if you wanted it. It is your brain and you are in charge of it. But why would you spoil such a good change? It‘s like dragging up a newly planted flower to see how the roots are growing.‖
“It‟s kind of upsetting to realise that I had this problem for XX years, and now it took one hour to change it. What about all these years?” ▪
―Yes, it is a bit like that, isn‘t it? - So much greater is the joy of you getting it now. - And what about all the things that you learned about this issue? - Imagine how you could use your learnings from this experience, and if someone in a similar situation will ask for your advice, you could confidently assure them that it is possible.‖
Future Pace From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
240
“Think of a time in the future, where in the past you would have had that old response, and notice how it is different now. Think one week/ month/ year from now and notice what‟s different then?” To finish up the session I‘d ask: ―How are you feeling now?‖ ▪ ▪
If they said ―Great‖, I would congratulate them and say ―Great work!‖ If they said ―Confused‖, I‘d say ―That‘s right. It may appear/feel confusing. It‘s used to be a reliable response and now it‘s changed. So, be alert to all the other changes that will be happening from now.‖
There were some sessions after which clients did not feel they achieved much. However most of them reported during next several days that they were experiencing incredible changes in the way they felt about their issue, improvement in their health conditions and well-being, reconciliation in relationships, clarity, enthusiasm, and peace. The consistency with which this would happen was amazing. “This summer, I had the privilege to attend NLP sessions in Japan by Julia Kurusheva, as her interpreter, and I was able to witness the dedication and mastery with which Julia conducted her sessions, accompanying them in their journey with so much caring love until a tremendous shift occurred and they reached their goal and were truly transformed in a single session. I also had a session as a client for chronic migraines and haven't had a single one since then!” Christine de Larroche-Kodama, teacher and therapist, Tokyo
Other Observations I believe that the following factors also help in change work: ▪
Beliefs. Believe that change is possible and demonstrate this by all aspects of your behaviour.
▪
Assumption. Assuming that inherently people are good helps me to help stay away from judgements and assist everyone who comes to reach their goals.
▪
Utilise. Utilise everything - clients‘ words, gestures, behaviours, ―resistances‖.
▪
Trust your feelings. If you feel confused, trust this feeling and honestly ask your client to clarify things for you. I used to think, if I was feeling confused, that I must not have understood my client. I learned the value of confronting my clients with what seems inconsistent or incongruent to me, i.e. ―Could I please check, you are saying that you are OK with it, and at the same time you are frowning‖ or ―Could I please clarify with you, just 5 minutes ago you said that you feel like this most of the time, and now you say that it only happened twice.‖
▪
Energy. When I work I imagine that every client is connected with the Source of Energy and Love (I see it as a stream of white energy surrounding them and connecting to the sky above and the earth below). By doing so, in energy terms I affirm their own connection with the Source, i.e. their spiritual freedom and autonomy; and in NLP terms I believe my clients have all the resources they need. This helps me to stay clear in terms of the problem ownership and know From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
241
▪
where my client is and where I am. It also helps to stay discerned regardless of how ―hard or devastating‖ someone‘s problem may appear to me. Observe. Change can happen at any of these steps so it‘s useful to be alert to and validate any shifts that occur and frame them as changes. With each step I am ‗stacking the deck‘ so that change becomes inevitable.
Of course, I still see great value in having more than one session. And also now I can confidently say that a single session change is possible and can be achieved consistently.
Summary - „Sprint Version‟ of Resolve and Specify Models Outcome
What do you want changed? If you don’t have that, what will you have? How will you know you’ve got it? (VAKOG)
Ecology
Pre test
Change
Post test
Future pace Outcome What do you want changed? (reflective listen) If you don‘t have that, what will you have? (positive language) How will you know you‘ve got it? (sensory specific language VAKOG)
Ecology What will you gain? What will you lose? When is it not OK?
Pre Test / Open Model of the World Explain NLP (if needed) Pre-frame change process Pre-test ―Can you do it now? Will you know if it changed?‖ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
242
Change Change work process
Post Test / Verify Change Try and think of that old problem and notice how it‘s/what is different now?
Future Pace Think of a future time, where in the past you would have had that old response, and notice how it is different now? Think 1 week/month/year from now and notice what‘s different then? I‘d like to finish by saying how incredibly rewarding it was for me to have worked with these many unique extraordinary individuals; how moved and inspired I was by the power and courage of their spirit. At times I was so excited to hear my client‘s positive learnings that I thought of writing ―The Book of Positive Learnings‖! And I am learning every time I help someone change, not only how to be a better change agent, but most importantly, more central than any skills, how to live and love. With admiration of the human spirit, Julia Kurusheva, Auckland, New Zealand, September 2007
APPENDIX: Pointing Exercise Get your client stand with their feet slightly apart. Ask them to bring their left arm straight up in front so it's parallel with the floor. Emphasise the importance of keeping their feet in the same place throughout the exercise. Now say: ―Keeping your feet still, turn your body to the left, pointing with the finger as far as you can turn, until it gets tight. Notice, by the point on the wall, how far round you are pointing. Now turn back to the front. Close your eyes and make a picture of yourself turning again, but this time going much further. What would you be looking at if you went 30 centimetres further? Sense what it would feel like to be that much more supple and turn that far easily. Also, what would you say to yourself if you could do that easily. Would you be surprised? Now open your eyes, and, using that same arm, physically turn again to the left, and see how far you go now.‖ Check how much further your client has turned and mark it with the words ―That‘s right‖. Explain the difference as due to programming the brain to achieve: ―The same process we call 'goal setting'. When people don't achieve in life, it's not 'laziness'. It's just a lack of adequate, compelling goals. When you turned the second time, you had given your unconscious mind (the part of your mind which runs your body) a set of instructions: by making pictures of your goal, feeling what that goal would feel like, and listening to my voice and your own internal voice talking about the goal. These ―internal representations‖ (internal pictures, sounds and feelings) are treated by the unconscious mind as if they are real.‖ If someone doesn‘t get the experience, reframe as follows: ―That‘s right, it didn‘t work because you didn‘t do the process the way I told you. I said to imagine what it looked, felt and sounded like to go further, and you talked to yourself inside about how this probably wouldn‘t work for you....Right? And that‘s probably the way you‘ve been doing a lot of other things too. You‘re already good at talking sceptically to yourself. If you want to get a different result in your life, then it‘s worth using these exercises the way we describe them, and only do what we describe. You just did more work than you needed to. Now let‘s do that one more time, the new way.‖
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
243
How Do You Structure an NLP Therapy Session? © Charlotte Hinksman, B.A. (hons) psychology, NLP master practitioner. Introduction I was inspired to write this article as I knew that as soon as Master Practitioner training was over last January, I was going to pursue my life long dream and set myself up in private therapy practice. At the time however, I had no definitive answer to the question of how does an NLP consultant structure their client sessions to maximise results - especially the first session? which bothered me a great deal as it seemed like a very important question for anyone involved in NLP therapy. As I am - as psychoanalysts would say -very anally retentive, or - as NLPers would say - a judger, or - as I and close friends would say - ridiculously organised, it was important for me to find the answer, so I could carry out my new profession to the very best of my capabilities. I have attempted to do so by modelling three very different NLP practitioners and by putting various other pieces of information together. In a detailed exploration of these approaches 7 and in sharing my own developing approach, I hope I will help you find your own answer to that all important question. I interviewed established NLP practitioner Damian Peters who operated a successful practice in Lower Hutt for many years before moving to Auckland recently. I also asked my faithful and respected guide Dr. Bolstad, and some of you will also remember in the back of your NLP Practitioner manuals the article entitled ―The First Session in NLP Counselling‖ by Bryan Royds, who was a co-founder of Transformations but now has his own company in Wellington. Approach Number One The First Session This approach starts by obtaining the client‘s personal details; name (spelling and pronunciation), address, phone number, DOB, details of any medication, how much and how long, and any problems or side effects of the medication. The aim is to be in full rapport by now. If this is not happening yet, a general conversation is started, asking something like ―so, how did you hear about us?‖ The importance of talking to them about confidentiality is emphasised; that it will be maintained unless they themselves or somebody else is in danger of being harmed, when a third party will be informed. It is explained to them that the first session is just an assessment – a chance to find out what their issues are, and what NLP is and how it works. It is begun by asking them ―so, can you tell me what it is that‘s brought you here?‖ While talking to them about their perceived issues, notes are made, and special care is taken to ask for names of family members or friends, or other people they may be talking about. At the same time, their representational systems and eye accessing cues are noted, and lots of reflective listening is used while trying to ensure they are really committed to changing. Also, an ―expectation of change‖ is communicated to the client in non-verbal ways, and also by explicitly saying something like ―I expect we will have this sorted within 3 sessions….‖
7 It is important to point out that while I have chosen to highlight certain things in each of the different approaches, it does not necessarily mean that the particular practitioner ignores other things. For example I have said: ―The practitioner importantly emphasises putting the client ―at cause‖ of their situation‖, which does not necessarily mean they do not equally emphasise creating an expectation of change for example. The reader can also assume that the finer details of NLP consulting (i.e. mirroring, pacing, matching representation systems and so on) are automatically covered! From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
244
Towards the end of the consultation, the client is helped to SPECIFY an outcome. Then the practitioner will say ―this is an opportunity to think about what you really want and next week, we‘ll start doing some NLP processes which make sure that happens!‖ An explanation of NLP, and effectively ―marketing‖ NLP to the client is then launched in to, so that they understand what it can do for them. This primarily involves an explanation of the conscious and unconscious minds, how we take in information through our senses, and how the unconscious mind can not tell the difference between reality and imagination. Any doubts and obvious scepticism is dealt with at this point. In between then and the next session, the client is given a chance to think about what their goals really are, and the practitioner a chance to think about what to do with them. Subsequent Sessions Usually the Trauma Cure (extended version) is used to get closure and get rid of the root-cause of any underlying problem and is preparation for the major behaviour change. Pre-test –two significant negative emotions the client has talked about are chosen, and they are asked to rate their significance out of 10, i.e. ―when you think about that rejection now, how significantly can you feel it, out of 10?‖ It is explained to the client they just need to allow themselves to be ―guided through‖ and that effectively we are confusing the unconscious mind by using the imagination, to eliminate any negative feelings or emotions from the past. However, the process will:
Preserve all memories Preserve all positive learnings Get rid of any negative emotions and feelings
Post test – the two emotions used in the pre-test are then rated again out of 10. Something like ―just try and get some of those old feelings back?!‖ or ―what‘s happened to those old feelings now?‖ is said. The third session is usually a Parts Integration process for the underlying, major issue or behaviour change. The change in the behaviour is now expected to be permanent, because the root cause has been eliminated with the Trauma Cure. This is explained to the client. This involves some careful pre-framing of the process and again explaining that they just need to allow themselves to be guided through, and that they may feel some bodily sensations and their hands will move without their conscious control. It is pointed out that whatever they experience, it is more beneficial to try and trust their unconscious responses, and that whatever happens will be just right for them. This practitioner using the above formula usually expects the client will not need to return, thus a total of 3 sessions are expected with most clients, which they are told on the telephone before they come in. This is all part of building an expectation of change within a short time frame.
Analysis This formula has been highly successful in helping the majority of clients achieve their goals. Remember that this is only a model, a formula developed from modelling one‘s own successes. It is therefore flexible and subject to change depending on the client‘s specific needs and issues, and on the practitioner themselves. This practitioner is also very skilled at communicating their energy and enthusiasm both verbally and nonverbally to the client that NLP will change them in the way they want, within just a short time. This, as also stated by Richard Bolstad in his book RESOLVE, dramatically affects the likelihood that they will change, which is all part of importantly building that expectation of change right from the start. The first session is mainly about getting to know the client, their relationships and their perceived issues, and is therefore quite past orientated at this point. It is also more on the perceiver side of things, and quite chunked-up From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
245
with few planned or detailed questions. This allows for a lot of reflective listening and rapport building, helping the client feel at ease and understood. It also involves a detailed explanation of, and effectively marketing NLP to the client, and what they can expect in subsequent sessions. An outcome is set at the end of the first session, and / or the client is encouraged to think of further outcomes if necessary for the following sessions. Any actual NLP ―change processes‖ are carried out in subsequent sessions and unlikely the first session. Approach Number Two The First Session Before actually booking a session in, a discussion on the phone with the client involves gauging what they want and how they expect to get it from NLP sessions. The first face to face meeting then involves filling out detailed form; obtaining information about name, address, age and occupation, physical health and medication, any other current treatments, and their doctor‘s name. While obtaining this information, the practitioner concentrates on getting into rapport, allowing the client to get used to the environment, and also notes their basic metaprograms, eye accessing cues and lead and primary representational systems. This also involves a ―Contracting Checklist‖ which asks for the client‘s commitment to some key agreements; i.e. appointment cancelling etiquette, confidentiality and privacy, and feedback. This is all covered fairly quickly with humour and in the context of rapport, and then launching into exploring their ―problem‖. Their lead is followed by the practitioner with verbal pacing and gentle metamodel questions. There is also some specific information that will be asked for if not spontaneously mentioned, and is covered with the following questions: What led to your decision to call me? Who else was involved? (For motivation and decision making strategies) Now you are here, what do you want? What else? What else? (Broaden expectations of what is possible. Use Values Elicitation if not sure) What are all these things an example of? What‟s the underlying issue which, when changed, will resolve all of these things? Ask your inner mind about this. (Use to list into Logical Levels of therapy) How long has this gone on? When exactly does it happen? When doesn‟t it happen? What have others done about it? What have you done about it? (For a brief general overview of the patterns to their issues) Is there a purpose for this problem? Is there a deeper reason for having it? Is there anything your unconscious mind wants you to know, or is there anything you‟re not getting which if you got, would allow the problem to disappear? (For ―secondary gain‖ or perhaps the ―real reason‖) If this were a world where everything happened to you was somehow created by you, then when did you choose to have this problem? Why? (Explores the root cause as in Timeline TherapyTM) What emotions were present the first time it happened? What similar events have happened since then? What emotions were present then? (For ―gestalts‖ of emotion as in Timeline TherapyTM) Then depending on the amount of time left, the practitioner is then in a position to assess whether anything can be dealt with in that first session, and an estimate of how many sessions it may take overall. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
246
Subsequent Sessions The second session involves a shift to setting an outcome using the SPECIFY model, checking ecology and increasing their motivation, opening their model of the world, eliciting and loosening strategies using logical levels of therapy, and pre-testing and post-testing, with a change process in between chosen with Richard Bolstad‘s Personal Strengths model. Records are kept of outcomes set, interventions made, and any questions the practitioner has for supervision and plans for the next session with the client. Each subsequent session starts with a report on what has changed as a result of the previous session in relation to their outcome, and celebrating any successes to start the session in a resourceful state. Then an outcome is set for the session, and the normal procedure followed as before. This practitioner also explicitly puts the client ―at cause‖ of their issues and therefore in charge of healing it. Importantly the sessions are conducted within the framework of the metaphor of the mountaineer and the guide. The practitioner is hired as a consultant because he knows some mountaineering skills as the guide, but they themselves are the ones who have to use the maps and take steps to get where they want to be. Analysis Again this is a formula based on the practitioner‘s successes with their own clients, and is also given here in a very detailed format. In practise it can be abbreviated – but is designed however to avoid rushing the client into outcome-setting and change processes before the bigger picture is explored and therefore before both client and practitioner know enough. This detailed exploration at the beginning enables quicker and higher quality results overall. It also allows for good rapport building, including allowing the client to get used to their surroundings and feel comfortable and relaxed. It is a very chunked-down, past orientated approach in the first session, taking at least an hour to explore the client‘s past issues in a very detailed way. It also portrays certain judger qualities with all the planned, structured questions. Any actual NLP change processes are more likely to follow in subsequent sessions. The practitioner importantly emphasises putting the client ―at cause‖ of their situation and therefore in charge of changing it, with the practitioner is merely playing the part of the guide. This therefore eliminates that possible trap of the practitioner in the role of magically ―fixing‖ the client. This is an important role distinction as noted by Richard Bolstad in his article ―NLP and the Rediscovery of Happiness‖, that by playing the role of a magician who can fix the client‘s problems for them, simply serves only to keep the client in the un-resourceful state they are currently in. Apporach Number Three The First Session This approach always aims to set an outcome and go through an actual NLP change process in the first session with a client. The way that the practitioner structures the session to make sure that this happens is as follows: After setting up the relationship as consultative and collaborative, the client is then asked what they would like to achieve now that they are here. Most likely, the client will then start talking about their issues (i.e. as oppose to having a nice pre-prepared list of sensory specific outcomes!). This then involves a lot of reflective listening, which aims to build rapport and give the client the sense that they are understood. While this process is happening, the practitioner is listening out for strategies and unpacking them in the normal way (i.e. listing into Logical Levels) and also re-wording them into goals. For example: ―so, what you actually do is…….‖ and ―what you‘d like to achieve instead is……‖. In the process of this kind of unpacking, the client‘s major or underlying issue becomes clear. Working in the context of changing this, the normal steps in the RESOLVE and SPECIFY model are followed. When opening their model of the world, there is a lot of careful pre-framing and explaining of NLP, usually with the pointing From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
247
exercise to show how internal representations affect results. The client is then led into an NLP change process, with a pre-test and post-test as normal. If however, the client‘s issue is related to physical health, detailed questioning into the duration and history of the problem is necessary. For example: When is it there? When is it not there? What was happening when it first appeared in emotions and life events? How does the problem alter relationships? What beliefs do you have about the problem? (Open model by showing how internal representations influence the physical body i.e. pointing exercise or submodality shifts which induce a bodily reaction) Let‘s pretend that you create everything that happens to you, if you knew when did you choose to have it? What‘s its purpose? What‘s it communicating to you? And then setting an outcome and leading in to a change process as normal. Analysis Again, this approach is simply a formula based on this practitioner‘s experience and successes, and is obviously flexible and changeable depending on the client and situation. As you notice this avoids a lot of the past orientated exploration and focuses on goal setting and change. This is effectively re-framing the consultative process as solution focussed (as oppose to problem focussed) right from the beginning. By setting a wellformed outcome and leading into a change processes in the first session, again communicates the whole expectation of change within a short time to the client. So much so, it may even be that the client does not need any subsequent sessions if their core issue is addressed in this session. If they do need subsequent sessions their expectation of being able to change something quickly will already be in place. It is also somewhat more of a perceiver approach, with less planned questions as such and more guiding the client to discover their major issue and outcome through reflective listening, unpacking and loosening strategies and language patterns. The chunk size of the information gathered depends on the client. For example, as in Richard Bolstad‘s ―NLP and the Rediscovery of Happiness‖, when working with a person with ―depression‖ where their existing thinking style is very chunked up, the practitioner would therefore aim to help them chunk down as much as possible. Therefore the chunk style is less representative of the practitioner‘s personality, but more dependent of the client‘s situation. The style of questioning (―so, what you actually do is….‖ ―and what you‘d like instead is…..‖ ) also gently keeps the person at cause of their situation and at cause of healing it, an important distinction of roles again, much like approach number two. Thie practitioner emphasises this further by the setting up a collaborative, consultative relationship right from the start, where the client is put in charge of their own results by agreeing to follow instructions as best as they can, and put in the work between sessions. This is cited in many of Bolstad‘s writings as a very important stage in the consultative process to enable real change overall. My Approach When I first started seeing my own clients I was using a mish-mash of all of these approaches. They all seemed to have desirable qualities that I knew were equally useful, so I tried to fit in all the past orientated exploration AND do an NLP change process in the first session. As a result I always ended up going way over time. I needed to either lower my expectations of what was achievable in the first session or extend the time to fit everything in. As I am new to the game, I did not want to leave important steps of consulting process out, and I did not like the idea of 90 minute plus sessions either! So I negotiated with myself and played around a little until I found something that worked for me. I cut down a lot on the past orientated exploration unless it was a physical health issue and developed the following structure (which can also be seen on my Confidential Client Form attached below): I usually start a general conversation with them to build rapport, and aim to be in FULL rapport with them by the time I start taking own their general information and explaining confidentiality, setting up a consultative From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
248
relationship and so on. I go on to ask the following questions and while talking to them, note down their major metaprograms (or ask them questions about these, if the information is not obvious), eye accessing cues and lead and primary representational systems: What led to your decision to contact me? Now that you are here, what do you want to achieve? I then do either one of two things, depending on how they answer the second question: a) If they launch into talking about their issues, I listen out for strategies and help them re-word these in to outcomes, much like approach number three i.e. ―so, what you‘re actually doing is….‖ ―and what you‘d like to achieve instead is…..‖ Or: b) If they are already talking in goals, I pace and ask them what is stopping them from achieving that right now, in order to get their strategies so we can unpack them together. i.e. ―OK, so you want to feel relaxed about your job….. …so, if you were to know, what do you think is stopping you from doing that right now?” In either case I make notes of most of the things they say at this point, while at the same time using lots of reflective listening to discover a major or underlying issue, and to communicate I understand them, all the while working on opening their model of the world. I aim to identify, unpack and loosen their strategy for a major or underlying issue in this first session, by listing into Logical Levels of Therapy – keeping them firmly at cause. When it is clear what we are aiming for I help them SPECIFY an outcome. In practice I do not usually cover all the steps in SPECIFY, just the main ones and the ones I perceive as being the most relevant to the client. Once we establish our goal and we are excited about achieving it, I check their understanding of NLP and explain it further within the framework of achieving this outcome. To illustrate this further I give them a small ―experience‖ of NLP. This could either be a simple process like anchoring or, more often than not, the pointing exercise. That way I have opened their model of the world regarding change, and much like the first and third approaches, they come into their next session with the expectation that change can be fun, easy and fast. If there is time in the first session I lead into an actual change process (based on Bolstad‘s Personal Strengths Model). I have found the likelihood of doing this the first session depends on how ―urgent‖ their situation is, how clear they are about what they want and of course, time. I always give them some tasks to do and something to read about NLP at the end of our first meeting. I start the second meeting by reminding them of their well-formed outcome to see if it still feels appropriate, check their feelings and understanding of NLP and changing themselves in this way, and then follow the normal steps of the RESOLVE model. Each session starts with celebrating any small changes they have noted over the previous week; thus starting in a resourceful state, checking where they are at right now and what feels appropriate to work on today, setting a new outcome and, well, you know the rest….! Analysis I have effectively modelled all three approaches and drawn pieces from each. After some playing around I developed my own structure, which was also largely influenced by the regular sessions I have with my supervisor. Again it is simply a model, a formula which seems to be working for me so far, and is certainly not set in stone. As I am a judger about some things and a perceiver about others, I believe this approach actually represents both those metaprograms, as the questions are planned, but with lots of flexibility as well. It is definitely more chunked up, with chunking down on relevant or specific topics or strategies. It is more solution focussed than From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
249
past orientated with setting a well-formed outcome in the first session and actively demonstrating how the client can expect change to be enjoyable, quick and easy –building that all important expectation of change right from the beginning. I have found that giving the person tasks to complete helps them stay at cause, and makes them agree to the consultative, collaborative relationship I insist on at the start (i.e. that their success depends on the work they are willing to put in, and the distinction of roles, like approaches two and three). This again eliminates the unfortunate possibility of the magic wand trap, or the redundant victim – rescuer relationship emerging. In my experience tasks which aim to change metaprograms, less than useful strategies or internal dialogue patterns accelerates the clients progress to quite a large extent overall. In my experience as an NLP consultant so far, I have also found that in the event of the absence of FULL rapport, or keeping the client at cause, change is significantly more difficult to achieve. I therefore always fully focus on these stages in the consultation. While practising this structure I am also very much aiming to improve my congruency with the way I communicate my energy and enthusiasm to the client that they will change with NLP - as in approach number one - as I believe this to be a key factor in enabling real, permanent change to take place. I encourage and welcome further comments and articles about this! My sessions are one hour and 15 minutes long. What follows is the form I use to remind myself to do everything and a space to keep records for every session (I have a new sheet for each subsequent session). I print the whole thing out for each new client.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
250
Confidential Client Sheet Name: ____________________________________ Age/DOB: __________________________________ Addresses: ________________________________ Contact ph:/ Email ___________________________ Other contact/Dr: ____________________________ Health/medication: ___________________________ Other treatments: ____________________________ Fees/estimates: ______
Follow up call / feedback form OK? _____
Contracting checklist: Confidentiality/except __ Appointments/fees __ Consult/ relationship__
Introvert/extrovert (recharge batteries?)
Judger/perceiver (organise project?)
Intuitor/Sensor (what is more important, detail of bigger pic?)
Convincer strategy (demonstration?)
Motivation direction
Matcher / Mis-matcher
Sort for failure / negatives %
Eye accessing cues? Lead rep. system (eye cues?) Primary rep. system (predicates?) Timeline Position
Chunk up / chunk down Associative / disassociative
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
251
RESOLVE Resourceful state Establish rapport Pacing VEGE Rapport skills Sensory system use and language Milton model
PACE & UTILIZE! BUILD AN EXPECTATION OF CHANGE! First consultation questions 1) What led to your decision to contact me? Who else was involved in that decision? (i.e. motivation / decision making strategies / relationships / other people‟s problems).
2) Now you are here, what do you want? What else? What else? What else? (broaden their expectations; “if you could change anything?”) / Values Elicitation if necessary)
3) If you were to know, what is it that has stopped you from achieving these things? (reveals patterns / limitations / beliefs / sort list into logical levels)
Reflective listen Open model of world (sleight of mouth / metamomdel) Strategies – logical levels Form outcomes
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
252
SPECIFY (underlying / major issue) Sensory specific outcome – hear / feel / see / say to self…...(just imagine) __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ Positive language – If you don‘t have that, what will you have? __________________________________________________________________ Ecology – What will you lose? What will you gain? _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ What are you gaining now that you won‟t gain when you have this? _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ What are you losing now that you won‟t lose when you have this? _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ Is there any part of you that wouldn‘t like this change (ask yourself). _________________________________________________________________ Are there any situations this wouldn‘t be ok to have in? _________________________________________________________________ Choice increases – How does this outcome increase your choices? _________________________________________________________________ Initiated by self – What do you personally need to do to achieve / maintain this? ________________________________________________________________ First step – What is your first / subsequent steps? __________________________________________________________________ Your resources – What (inner/outer) resources do you have to achieve this? __________________________________________________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
253
Open up model of the world 1) Pretest: Let‘s go back to that old problem for a minute…..when you think about it now, can you get back enough of a sense of that problem so that you‘d know if it changed? (don‟t proceed until yes…..if certain situations…”OK, let‟s go back there now!”)
2) Elicit current strategy / Logical Levels of therapy - Can you do it right now? I want to know exactly how to ―do‖ this problem.
Situation…when do you do it……?
Trigger.. how do you know it‘s time to…?
Operation… how did you….? what did you do to…?
Test …how did you check if you had…..how did you know whether…?
Exit .. how did you know that you had…..completely?
Disassociate - Teach me how to do it…
Alter/ interrupt strategy – …would it still work if?
Lead to desired outcome
Refer to Personal Strengths Model (problem, person, practitioner) Change technique/s
Verify Change
Post test - try and think of that old problem again….can you do it now? That‘s right, it‘s changed.
ELICIT and FILL convincer strategy
Exit Process
Check ecology
Future pace ..Now, think of a time in the future and check how different it feels now
Set tasks From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
254
Session records: Second session:
Help client remember success!: So what has changed in your life, (or in your experience of that situation that was a problem)? No matter how small the changes seem at first, what is different?
Wow, that‘s great…how did you do that? So, what else has changed? What else? What else? What else?
New outcome (SPECIFY): o
Ecology issues?
o
Strategy?
Change technique/s:
Future pace:
Tasks:
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
255
Conclusion I hope you have gained from this article what I intended; a chance to explore (now four!) different approaches to the structure of an NLP therapy session, and in align with your own goals and metaprograms, find your answer to that all important question. Charlotte Hinksman has been in independent private practice in central Wellington since January 2006. This is now a full time practice and has expanded to include business consultancy, workshops and trainings. She is now also interested in using psychology and NLP in the business market, and will consider how you structure the first business consultancy session in a later article. Comments, feedback and questions welcomed to
[email protected], 021 701 138. References Bolstad, R., & Hamblett, M., NLP And The Rediscovery Of Happiness. Bolstad, R., RESOLVE A New Model of Therapy, Crown Publishing Limited, 2002 Bolstad, R. Attitude Determines Altitude Royds, B., The First Session in NLP Counselling
With special thanks to For sharing their valuable information with us. Dr Richard Bolstad Master NLP Practitioner and NLP trainer – Transformations International Training and Consulting Ltd. Bryan Royds Co-founder of Transformations International Training and Consulting Ltd. Damian Peters Master NLP Practitioner of The Sattwic Counselling Centre, Lower Hutt. My supervisor, for agreeing to be my supervisor in the first place! And for all her invaluable input, ongoing advice and support: Lynn Timpany Master NLP Practitioner and NLP trainer – Transformations International Training and Consulting Ltd. For being my special friend, colleague and unofficial editor of my works: Joseph Quinn Lead Trainer and Coach, Open Road Associates.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
256
Preframing Time Line Therapy™ Processes © Lynn Timpany, NLP Trainer Time Line Therapy™ is a fabulous way of releasing emotions from past events. It is one of the crinkles in the hair-clip of human change! I have developed a systematic way of pre-framing Time Line Therapy" in such a way as to enhance all clients ability to accept and utilise the change possible. you may have found that some clients don't find it easy to 'just do' the process. Worrying about 'doing it right' or analysing can interfere with relaxed easy change. Pre-framing techniques are not about what is true or correct. They are a way of rationalizing the process to both minds in such a way as to allow them to allow change. As the banks of a river allow the water to flow, the conscious mind can open and allow and guide unconscious communication. Having a frame work on which to place this unusual and valuable experience can profoundly influence the likelihood that the change will be integrated and generalized. If the conscious mind has a way of understanding and making sense of the experience then it is easier for it to relax and enjoy an unconscious change. Margot Hamblett and myself presented some of our ideas about preframing Time Line Therapy" to a group of practitioners at the NTINLP National Gathering in Christchurch earlier this year. While I was explaining that the workshops outcome was for participants to understand the principles of refraining and be able to generate their own, rather than to be given specific examples, a participant was overheard to say 'Bugger the principles, I just want to know the words she used just then!' This ones for you! Preframing the Principle of Time Line Therapy™ Gain agreement at each step of the preframe before proceeding. 1. About the unconscious mind (UM) Define: 'When I say the unconscious mind, I mean all of your neurology that isn't your conscious thoughts. Your unconscious mind organises Vour bodV, keeps your heart beating, stores your memories... 2. Your UM responds to conscious thoughts. I usually demonstrate this by doing the pointing exercise. In the exercise you ... 'see how far you can point around, arm straight, keeping your back straight, keeping yourself safe, until you feel tightness and tension. Notice where you are pointing. Remember that place. Come on back and keep your feet in the same place.' 'Now I'd like you to create an image in your mind of how it would look if you could point this much further (gesturing about a medium fish length)? What would you be seeing if you could go that much further? What would you say to yourself if you can go that much further? How would you feel if you can go that much further with total ease and flexibility? Have you ever seen a cat or a dog go all the way around and lick themselves on their other side? Just imagine for a moment that you were as flexible as that! Imagine how it would look if you could go that much further (gesturing average large fish length)! What would you be seeing if you can do that now? What would you say to yourself if you could go that far? How would it be to feel that totally flexible? Go that? Great, now just do it! (model smoothly and confidently turning around)' Generally at the point where the client notices that they have gone at lot further than they expected there if a significant state change. I usually anchor the phrase 'that's right' in a trance voice to that state, if there is a good shift. 3. Your UM doesn't differentiate real and unreal. Making this statement often causes looks of total disbelief, which is really fun, because it is so easy to demonstrate! From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
257
'Most people have been to a horror movie and had a fright, and had adrenaline and all kinds of biochemical changes in their body, even though they knew it wasn't real.' 'Think of your favourite food. What is it that you really love to eat? (Talk about that food a little) Now notice that you're salivating! Even though your conscious mind knows that there's none of that food here, your UM just responds to the representations that you put through your conscious mind as if they were real! That's how we can change so many things here by thinking and imagining things that aren't even real. Your UM responds as if they were real.' 4. Your UM codes time on memories. 'It must, mustn't it? Otherwise you wouldn't know the difference between a memory that was from last week and a memory from 10 years ago!' 5. Your UM codes meaning and emotion on memories. 'When you think of a memory now, you know what it means to you. The meaning is coded in the nervous system so that when You think of the memory You "just know" what it meant, whether it was fun or boring, or whether its something that You are motivated to do, or not. Also emotion is either coded onto the memory, or not. For example, most people can think of a memory that was unpleasant at the time, and Vet when they think of it now, there is no feeling there, it's just one of those things that happened in the past (shoulder shrug). And yet some memories when people think of them they can actually feel the emotion as they think of the memory. Are you familiar with that difference? It's a very important difference. When we have had an unpleasant experience, and when we get to be able to think about it and it feels neutral, that's what we think of as healing. What we can do with Time Line Therapy™ is dramatically accelerate this natural process of healing.' 6. Emotions are time dependant. 'You can't get angry about something tomorrow! Anger is in the past. If you really wanted to get angry about something in the future you would have to actually imagine that the event had already happened! Then it would be in the past relative to you.' ‗What these things all mean then, is if you imagine yourself before anger had ever existed, the unconscious mind acts as if that were true, as the emotion cannot exist in the future, it deletes it off the coding. Just like that! Isn't that so simple!‘ Preframing the Process of Time Line Therapy™ Trust your ability to pretend it in any way that you like. 'You know that your unconscious mind responds to representations that you put through it regardless of whether they are real or true or not. You know that your unconscious mind does sometimes use symbols. That's why your dreams can be a little strange! Right? So it's much more important that you trust your hunch or imagination. It may even feel like you are making it up. That's OK. We are going to test a memory before and after the process, so that means that you can relax, you'll know at the end when we check the test memory that it works perfectly for you, if not we'll do something more afterwards. This process is not about what's true or correct, it's a way of communicating to the UM in a way that causes the UM to change the way that memories are coded. Elicit time line 'Your UM must code a sense of time on memories in order for you to know whether a memory is from last week of ten years ago. Right? And most of us think of time as being linear and sequential. So if time were like a long line, and you were sitting here at now, which you are, which direction would the past be? And which direction would the future be? If you knew... You know.' Demonstrate with a simple memory Doing a demonstration of the process allows you set useful anchors. 1) Relaxation/trance anchors such as music, tonal and tempo voice shifts. 2) Dissociation anchors such as tonal and head position shifts with a key phrase such as 'way up above'. I‘d invite you to experience how this process works with a memory that isn't too important to you, but one that has enough emotion that you can feel it when you think of the memory, and you will know when it's gone. Something like "the dog ripped up the rubbish bag", or "someone nicked your parking spot‖!' From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
258
'Now that you've picked one, I'd like you to check as you think of that memory now, can you feel that emotion? Where do you feel it in your body? So you'll know for sure when that emotion has disappeared? Great.' I generally do the process on this exact memory, before I explain root cause etc. Draw attention to the change and ease of change. Validate the person‘s skill at doing the process as exceptional. 'Isn't that amazing! Can you imagine how good you'd feel about life if you let go of all the bad feelings off the past! You did that really well! That means you'll be able to achieve a lot here.' If the emotion hasn't totally disappeared, explain that the reason for that is that we haven't taken the root cause into account yet. Validate the shift that did occur and explain the model. The Time Line Model Gestalts: I generally explain the principle of gestalts using a 'string of pearls' analogy: 'When a number of events have happened, and a similar negative emotion has been stored with the memory, the emotion can collapse down and become like one unit that connects memories, like the string in a string of pearls. For example, with people who have a lot of anger a fairly small event may trigger a lot of emotion, like the 'last straw broke the camels back' type reaction. Or like having buttons pushed, or emotions whooshing in from nowhere. Do you know what that's like?' Root cause: 'The very first event in that string, the very first time that a younger you ever, ever would have experience that emotion at all.' Past life/genealogical: For those people who have a problem with these possibilities I explain these two categories as being a way of utilizing the symbolic nature of the unconscious mind. 'The unconscious mind responds to your thoughts, not to what is real or true (remember the pointing exercise, or how you respond in movies). UM often uses symbols, that's why dreams can be a little strange. It isn't important whether it is real or true, so much as it is to relax and trust your hunch, your imagination. This process is a way of communicating to your unconscious mind to change the way is has coded something.' Pre and post test: I think that it is essential to test each time line process. The pre and post test format facilitates both you and the client in being totally convinced that a change has indeed occurred. I use the analogy of the string of pearls when explaining this. The memories are connected via the string that is the emotion. We pull the string from the beginning of the chain and then test further on to check that it is gone totally. 'Choose a memory from your adult life where you can fee that emotion. rd like you to check, as you think of that memory, now, can you feel that emotion? Where do you feel it in your body? Are you sure that you will know when it's gone? Just feel it enough to know that you will know when it's totally gone.' After completing the Time Line Therapy™ process with the root cause event I ask the client to check the test memory. 'Go right ahead now and think of the memory that you chose as a test when we started this change. As You think of that time now, just notice how it feels to think of that now. Has that feeling totalIy disappeared, or is it just totalIy different now... or not? Validate any signs of humour, or confusion. 'That's right! Isn't that amazing?' If there is still emotion there you can do a parts integration or core outcome process, repeat the time line, and then re-check the test memory as above. Elicit and Fill convincer strategy. 'When you've lost something, and you are looking for it, how many times do you look in the same place before you are totally convinced that it's not there?' 'OK, so just go ahead and check that test memory again, and try and find that emotion and find that you cannot.' You can repeat as many times as it takes to fill their convincer, or until you see the physiological shift that generally occurs at the point that the threshold is crossed. Future pacing. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
259
Future pacing the change onto the future time line is the final step in this process. It's a good idea to have the client do check on the ecology of the change. 'As you float right out there into the future to a time where previously you may have had that old reaction and notice how different it is out there now. Go right ahead and imagine that future you responding in a totally appropriate way. Notice how good that change is. Is there anything else that needs to change out there, or is it totally comfortable? Conclusions. The way in which a process is presented to the client does dramatically influence the quality and speed of change. By noticing what works, and changing what doesn't, we can all continue to refine our effectiveness as practitioners. This is oiling the wheels of change. I hope that this information assists you in sharing this wonderful tool with others in ways that enhance all of our lives.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
260
Maximising Transformation Using The Parts Integration Process © Lynn Timpany, NLP Trainer. A few weeks ago a man came to see me. He was a very sceptical, yet open person, who had one significant issue that was clouding all areas of an otherwise successful life. An issue of identity. During outcome elicitation it became clear that there was a significant parts conflict. He was using words like: "Well it's sort of like there's a part of me that knows that I am... but there's a part of me that can never believe it, or feel it, and it's ruining my career." Together we completed the parts integration model and he left, and I have never seen him since. What I have seen is a steady trickle of new clients saying they were sent by this man, who told them that this one process changed his life totally! Sometimes of course it may be a bit different, and although the process works well in almost all instances, the degree and intensity of the shift varies quite a lot. WHAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE? Over the past few months I have noticed a significant increase in the number of parts integrations that have produced very dramatic change. In asking the question "What makes the difference?" I am looking for behaviours or skills as a practitioner that may account for this shift, so that I can do more of it! Something's working really well! Now, what could it be? PREFRAMING A significant factor in influencing the breadth and depth of change achieved by NLP processes is the way that the processes are preframed. Preframing is the way that you introduce and set up the change process. When you preframe a change process effectively, several things can happen *A positive expectation For the successful outcome of the process is set up. You may think of this as being like setting a goal at the unconscious level, *An expectation of ease is developed. Many people may think that changing a really important and core issue couldn't possibly be relaxing, fun, quick and easy. Other people of course! Usually, I will not proceed with the process until I have framed it so that the client expects to change and enjoy it. And indeed, at the same time I also remind myself of that! *The unconscious mind is rehearsed through the process, in a real and/or a metaphorical way. This is a bit like painting lines in the car park so that the cars end up parked in an efficient and orderly fashion. *The conscious mind is given a frame work in which it can understand and validate the change *The 'Why' question is answered. For many people having answers to the question why are we doing this? will significantly influence their ability to understand and integrate learnings about the process. I tend to approach one on one change work with a teaching frame most of the time. I think that teaching skills and understanding is empowering and helps clients to feel at cause in their lives. The result of perfecting preframimg skills, when working one on one or with groups, is that processes go more easily and quickly and the changes achieved are more transformational in nature. I would like to share with you some preframes that I usually use with each client immediately before the first experience of the Parts Integration process. THE WHOLE NEUROLOGY YES SET From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
261
I have developed this series of questions as a valuable way of 'softening' the parts, once a conflict is identified. It goes like this: "You're only one person. Right?" Do not proceed to the next .question until you have agreement. An unconscious nod is fine. (If you have difficulty getting agreement with this first question, refer on immediately!!) "Because you're only one person, that means that you only have one neurology. Right?" "Because you only have one neurology then anything that exists in that neurology, that appears to be in conflict must only be an illusion. Right? Because you only have one neurology. You are one whole person. Right?" The usual response to that statement is a look of confusion! Continue right on... "The unconscious mind does sometimes set up the illusion of separation as a way of responding to a stressful situation, where there doesn't seem to be much choice. Usually when a person is very young. Little kids don't have so many choices as you have now as an adult." It is essential to have agreement at each step before asking the next questions. Wait for the nod. Use intonation changes (as suggested by italics) to embed suggestions and a congruent, matter of fact, voice to enhance the effect. METAPHORICAL PREFRAMES Straight after the 'Yes set' (especially if the client is wanting to discuss the above in detail!) I tell this beautiful metaphor developed by Richard Bolstad for pre-teaching the Parts Integration process. The Peaceful Country. Once upon a time there was a country, a very young country. It was idealistic, and the people in this country had great dreams about what the country would be like. It would be a country without war. It would be a gentle country. They wanted to live together in cooperation and peace. Unfortunately, in the early history of this country, there was an unexpected attack from outside. And not just one attack, but several. The people of this country didn't know what to do. They didn't know how to respond, and the whole of the country was thrown into turmoil. They wondered what to do, to deal with the situation in the best way that they could. Someone suggested, "Lets ask for volunteers, and then we can set up a small group of people inside the country, and this small group can be in charge of defending the border." And as they didn't seem to have very many choices just then, and at least this way most of the people could carry on living their normal peaceful existence, they agreed that this is what they would do. So, they sent the small group out there, to the border, to defend it. The small group knew that they were there to control the border. That was their job, and they wanted to do it the very best way that they could, and you did... you know. NOW, after a while very disturbing news began to come back from the border, news of what was going on over there. The news was, that the small group over on the border was causing chaos. It was doing things that the people in the centre didn't approve of at all. Things that were damaging to the community. Naturally, the people in the centre were really concerned about this. They just hadn't seemed to be able to find an ecological solution, you know... one that works in all ways. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
262
Time went on... and unfortunately more problems occurred. They started getting messages from the small group, messages saying that to defend the border more territory was needed. The group at the border wanted to control more of the country. At first the people in the country agreed, but they thought... well, that this could go on and on. And they began to wonder... who is really in charge here. They had to really consider what to do. So they organised a meeting with the people out on the border, and they called in a negotiator to assist them. The people from the centre, the small group and the negotiator begin to communicate. The people from the centre said that some of the things going on out there at the border really concerned them, and they wondered if the small group had a good reason for it. And it was very important the way that they said that, you know, because they really wanted to understand the small groups highest intentions, and they were careful to express it to them in a way that showed that. So they asked the small group about their intentions, and the group Said that of course they were defending the border. They had to get tough they explained, because it was so critical that this was done well. And then the negotiator asked them what they were wanting to achieve by defending the border in just that way. If the border was defended fully, what would they have through that, that's even more important than the defence itself. And they said that the country would be safe, and that's what they're aiming for. Then the negotiator asked what would happen, as a result of that safety, that's even more important than the safety itself. And the small group thought about it, and explained that then they would be able to live in peace, harmony and cooperation. The people from the centre said that now they understood what had been happening, and explained "That's what we want too." So they were able to really begin to cooperate and find ways that they really could begin to have more peace and harmony, because, you know the really important thing about this story? The most important thing to know is that the attack had been finished years ago. That's right... ... it's been over for years. USE OF EXAMPLE AS A PREFRAME Having a good success story to tell about, respecting confidentiality, is an effective preframe. Choose a story that demonstrates the positive intention of a challenging part if possible. I often tell of a client I once had, who had gone through 24 jobs in 2 years! He had a pattern of getting furiously angry, doing outrageous things, and storming away from his workplace and not going back. ( It shows how generally resourceful he was, in other ways, that he actually managed to find that many jobs in the first place!) When we explored the intention of the part that didn't want to let go of the emotion totally we discovered something really interesting. As a small boy this man had an older brother who had often teased and tortured him. The only time that he had been able to escape was when he was uncontrollably angry. He hadn't had many choices then (the parents weren't around much). A part of his unconscious mind had thought that was a useful behaviour, and it was, back then, when he didn't have as many choices about how to respond. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
263
Stories about other people's change ought to be brief, concise and simple. Give the overview and skip the details. PREFRAMING RELAXATION AND TRUSTING UNCONSCIOUS RESPONSES The more that a client is able to relax, and trust with their own unconscious response, the easier the process goes to go. I have developed a frame that allows most people to relax and go along with the process by saying things like this: "You know that your unconscious mind doesn't differentiate what's real from what's not real? Have you ever had the experience of getting emotions in a movie? In a horror movie, you know it's not real, don't you? Yet your unconscious mind goes right ahead and responds as if it were real, and produces adrenaline! Isn't that amazing!" "It doesn't matter what's real and what's not real, here, because your unconscious mind will just go right ahead and respond to the images, and make the changes anyway!" "The unconscious mind's quite symbolic sometimes... that's why dreams can be a little unusual! Some times it might even seem like you're making it up, and that's O.K. too." "So that means that you can just relax and go along with the things that pop into your mind. What we are doing here is communicating to your unconscious mind in a way that will cause a change. So that means that it's good to let go of any concern about whether it's real or true, and really enjoy relaxing and going along with your own responses." A useful frame to deliver around the time that the hands are coming together is that it's completely normal for the unconscious to make changes like this. 'You can really trust your unconscious mind, you know. Because your unconscious has always made changes automatically, if you were to relax now your unconscious mind would automatically make changes in your breathing, It would slow down .... as you relax .... automatically... just in the right way to cause the perfect amount of oxygen to be taken in... and you don't have to think about that... because your unconscious makes all those changes automatically... that's right.... very good." Preframing is a useful and fun way to dramatically increase your experience of sharing life changing experiences with clients in a relaxed easy way. These are only examples, you can, trusting your unconscious... and you know that you can... trust... your... that's right... develop your own style of preframing, by noticing ... what works.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
264
The Betty Erickson Method © Lynn Timpany, NLP Trainer So, you want to communicate to... your unconscious...
...mind. And it certainly is a good idea, isn't it? To be able to communicate with your unconscious mind allows you to do so many more things easily. And for those of you who are wondering, and I know some of you are, some of the specific applications include-going to sleep easily -changing emotional states -clearing emotions -recharging quickly -problem solving -meditating -decision making -relaxing -dream recall, and many more. I have found that the most effective way to achieve results orientated communication with my unconscious mind is The Betty Erickson Induction (Betty is the wife of Milton). This is a self-hypnotic process which is easily learned and is multi-purpose. I like to share this process with clients and to future pace their ability to comfortably access inner wisdom and be able to completely relax at will. Forming a working relationship with ones unconscious mind is incredibly powerful in the process of human change. The results of tasking your unconscious mind can be quite dramatic. Once I had to make a major life decision, and was finding it extremely challenging to choose. I did the following process one evening as I went to sleep and asked my unconscious mind to make the best possible decision, and let me know tomorrow. I went to sleep and forgot about it. The following day a friend asked me what I was going to do, and without any hesitation I replied with a decision. When I realised consciously what I had just said, I was amazed. I knew in a very kinesthetic way that the decision making was complete and felt congruent. Yet my conscious mind hadn't done anything! As a practitioner, you know that your unconscious mind knows how to do all of the NLP processes that you have learned. That means that it is possible for you to make changes automatically as you sleep! It's comfortable, convenient, and a lot cheaper than going to see some one else! All you need to do is act "as if", trust your unconscious mind, and use The Betty Erickson Induction to access your unconscious mind's awesome ability to solve challenges.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
265
The Betty Erickson Method. (Adapted by Lynn Timpany) This is a process For accessing a very relaxed state and facilitating communication with your unconscious mind. 1. Find a comfortable place, and settle your body. 2. Decide the length of time you would like to be in this relaxed state. This may be 8 hours or so if you are going to sleep, or just a few minutes if you want to quickly change the way you feel. In my experience your unconscious mind is an excellent time-keeper. 3. Tell yourself the purpose of doing this process, quite specifically. For example, to make a decision on a new job, "1 would like to evaluate all the information thoroughly and know my decision about the new job consciously by midday tomorrow." 4. Decide the emotional state that you want to be in when the relaxation time is over. 5. a) Now begin by noticing 3 things that you see. If you are resting with your eyes closed, these will be imagined things. Say to yourself "I see .... and I see .... and I see .... " b) Now notice 3 things that you hear. These may be real things that you hear, or imagined things. Say to yourself "1 hear..., and I hear..., and I hear..." c) And then 3 things that you feel. Choose physical sensations like the feeling of your tongue in your mouth, or the feeling or your breath flowing in and out, the warmth where your back rests etc. Say to yourself "l feel..., and I feel..., and I feel...." Proceeding in a similar way, and allowing yourself to relax, and slow down, as you go, and if you find your mind has drifted onto something else then gently bring your thought back and start again with 3 things. Then... 2 things that you see. 2 things that you hear. 2 things that you feel. I thing that you see. I thing that you hear. 1 thing that you feel Then notice which of you hands feels lighter, and when you notice which of your hands feels lighter, you can imagine that hand coming up to touch you on the face so that you are in a trance...and simply let yourself drift.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
266
Other Areas Of Application For NLP
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
267
NLP In Health: Re-Minding The Body Of Its Own Abilities © Dr Richard Bolstad NLP and Orthodox Health Care As an NLP Master Practitioner and a Registered Nurse (RCpN), one of my main interests in applying NLP has been to use NLP-based techniques to assist promotion of health, healing from major illness and reduction of pain. It has been my experience that clients‘ main challenge, as they go to use NLP in this way, is to step out of the mindset which my other professional background had taught me. As a health professional, I am perhaps more aware than other NLP Practitioners of the ―hegemony‖ of the orthodox health-care worldview. I believe that NLP offers health professionals an approach which accords with some important scientific research which has not usually been acknowledged. In this article, I will comment briefly on the change in model of the world which NLP offers us, and then use three examples of places where NLP interventions can make a difference due to this new model. The three areas are healing from surgery, healing from cancer and pain relief. The Key Factor In Health Is Not External Agents But Internal Homeostasis Orthodox western health care continues to be based on the model of the disease; the idea that discontinuities in personal health can be explained by the action of a harmful agent from outside. Consider the common cold, still our most common health challenge. As early as 1968, Dr Rene Dubos described research in which sprays of ―cold causing‖ viruses are squirted up the noses of volunteers. About 80% of the volunteers do indeed get colds. But the rest don‘t even though given huge amounts of the virus. (It also makes no difference, much to my mother‘s horror, if they wear wet socks and stand in a drafty room). The most consistent difference between those who catch the cold and those who don‘t, Dubos reports, is their level of psychological stress (Dubos, 1968). Summarising the growing evidence for this effect of the psycho-social system on health, Robert Ornstein and David Sobel ask ―Why do widowers die at a rate three times greater than other men of comparable age? Why do people who lose their jobs have increased rates of heart disease and lung disorders, no matter what their occupation? Changes in the social world. Changes in emotional and mental states. At first glance, it may seem that these changes have little to do with disease. But ‗real‘ organic diseases are linked to changed beliefs about oneself, to the nature of one‘s relationship to others, and one‘s position in the social world.‖ (Ornstein and Sobel, 1988) Actually, we only need to look round the world a little to realise that the one-external-physical-cause theory of disease doesn‘t fit the facts. Dr Henry Peguignot, professor of medicine at Paris‘ Hospital Chochin points out ―In France, we would call vague digestive troubles a liver crisis. In the United States you would call it a food allergy. You prescribe anything at all, because it‘s not a scientific diagnosis, but rather a different use of placebos.‖ Lynn Payer, in her book ―Medicine and Culture‖ documents hundreds of similar oddities, shattering the illusion that most illness has been scientifically explained. In fact, people‘s beliefs decide what diseases are diagnosed more than some ―objective truth‖ (Payer, 1988). The Great Medical Leap Forward Never Happened But all this has been restated so often that it seems clichéd. Somehow, we doubt it because we ―know‖ that medicine has made a great leap forward in the last century, and as a result we are all living twice as long. When we have an infection, we can take antibiotics; when we have heart problems, we can have heart surgery; when we have cancer we can have chemotherapy; and if we freak out about it all, we can take Xanax. The reality of our lives seems to affirm the power of western medical models. The reality is less simple. Even in the case of bacterial infection, it was not the medical wonder drugs that saved us. Tuberculosis, for example, had a death rate of 700 per 10,000 in New York in 1812. In 1882, the germ which ―caused‖ it was discovered, but deaths had already dropped to 370 per 10,000. By the time antibiotics were available to treat it, seventy years later, the rate was down to 48 per 10,000. Did antibiotics save us from From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
268
tuberculosis? No, they merely completed the success resulting from a combination of non-medical changes which had made people more resilient in general, and more resistant to tuberculosis in particular. The same is true for all the other devastating illnesses of nineteenth century Europe and America (this and many more examples are documented by Illich, 1978). Even more alarming for us as NLP Practitioners is the real story of the psychiatric miracle of the last half century. In Psychiatry, ―miracle drugs‖ abound. One of the most recent was the anti-depressant Prozac, released in 1988 after only 6 weeks of testing and described as the wonder pill almost without side effects. In fact by 1991 its manufacturer, Eli Lilly and Co faced numerous lawsuits as a result of its tendency to cause compulsive violent behaviour (murder and suicide occurring without the person understanding why). Meanwhile the 1989 Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry described it as only as effective as other older anti-depressants. How effective is that? The majority of studies (62%) show that anti-depressants perform only as well as placebos – if you give people sugar pills they‘ll improve just as much. On the other hand, 43% of Prozac users will get two or more severe side effects (headaches and nausea being most common). The most popular anti-anxiety drug in the United States today is Xanax, which has overtaken Valium. In the initial research by its maker Upjohn, Xanax performed better than placebos for four weeks. But in the following 4 weeks, unpublished by Upjohn, its effectiveness dropped to placebo level. And once the drug was stopped, those taking it had a 350% increase in their panic attacks (Breggin, 1992). Dr Keer White, deputy director for Health Services in the Rockefeller foundation stated in 1988, at the peak of medical pride (Payer, 1988) ―Although things are much better than they were a generation ago, it is still the case that only about 15% of all contemporary clinical interventions are supported by objective scientific evidence that they do more good than harm. On the other hand, between 40 and 60 percent of all therapeutic benefits can be attributed to a combination of the placebo and Hawthorne effects, two code words for caring and concern, or what most people call ―love‖.‖ Surgery Is Always “Psychic” Surgery In 1958, a study was done to evaluate the effectiveness of a new surgical treatment for heart disease (Cobb et alia, 1959; Diamond et alia, 1958; also reported in McDermott and O‘Connor, 1996, p 75-76). The surgery has since been shown to be completely useless, but the effect for the patients in the study was wonderful. The patients were all told that their surgery would probably help, and indeed ten of the seventeen patients in the study reported great improvement. Their use of heart medication dropped to 1/3 over the next weeks. What is most interesting is that only eight of these patients had actually been given the surgery. Nine of them simply had a skin incision made and sutured up again. Of those nine, five reported they felt much better, and reduced their medication to 1/3. When doctors expressed disbelief, another surgery team replicated the study, with even better results. In 1972, Dr E. Spangfort reviewed 2504 surgical treatments for lumbar spine problems. In a large percentage of cases no surgically treatable disorder was found, so that, as with the surgery for heart disease, the person was simply opened up and sewn together again, without any actual treatment. As a result of this non-treatment, 37% reported complete relief of sciatic nerve pain, and 43% reported complete relief of back pain. In cases where some abnormality was actually treated, the overall success rate was 64%. That is to say, placebo treatments were 2/3 as successful as real surgery. Heart failure and lower back pain are not peripheral problems. They are amongst the most common and challenging medical problems we face. These are extraordinary studies, indicating clearly that much of the success of modern medicine is being achieved by the same methods that shamans and witchdoctors across the world have always used. All surgery is, to a large extent, ―psychic surgery‖: it creates powerful expectations of healing, which are the real source of most of the positive results. The Results Of Surgery Can Be Altered Once We Understand This But the healing effect of surgery is dependent on how it is presented by the surgeon and other health practitioners. Psychologist Henry Bennett has collected several hundred studies showing that preparing patients psychologically before surgery will markedly alter the surgical and post-surgical results. Simple changes in what the doctor says will reduce need for pain medication, reduce blood loss, and result in fewer medical complications. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
269
At the Department of Anesthesiology at the University of California, Bennett himself conducted a study on patients admitted for spinal surgery (Bennett, Bensen and Kuiken, 1986). Each patient received a 15 minute preoperative talk with a health practitioner from the centre. There were three subgroups. Group A received basic information about the procedure they were to go through. Group B received a brief training in how to relax their muscles before and after surgery. Group C were given an NLP style intervention. The health professional pointed out that everyone has experienced blushing as a result of a few words said by someone else, so we know that the mind can cause blood to shift around in the body. They then explained that it would help if the person‘s blood moved away from the spine during surgery (to prevent blood loss), and then moved back afterwards (to promote healing). They then slowed down their voice and said, ―Therefore, the blood will move away from the spinal cord during the operation. Then, after the operation, it will return to that area to bring nutrients to heal your body quickly and completely.‖ The result of this simple conversation was dramatic. Patients in Group A and Group B lost, on average 900 cc‘s of blood, which is the normal level of blood loss over the course of this operation. Patients in Group C lost an average of 500 cc‘s of blood during the operation –only half as much. In 1993, Bennett conducted another study on patients undergoing gastrointestinal surgery. The main complication in such surgery is due to slow recovery of movement in the digestive system after the operation. Patients were divided into two groups. In Group B the patients were told ―Your stomach will churn and growl, your intestines will pump and gurgle, and you will be hungry soon after your surgery.‖ This group regained gastrointestinal movement in an average of 2.6 days instead of the usual 4.1 days, resulting in them being discharged from hospital two days earlier (at a saving in medical costs of US$1200 per person). Research on pain relief as a result of preoperative suggestion is abundant. In fact, here the pioneer study was done way back in 1964 by anaesthesiologist Larry Egbert in Massachusetts (Egbert et alia, 1964). After being given presurgical instruction on how to prevent pain by relaxing muscles, patients required less pain medication and returned home sooner. Bennett also discusses the effects of surgeons talking during surgery itself (Bennett and Disbrow, 1993). In a famous 1960 study by Wolfe and Millet, 50% of surgical patients followed suggestions during surgery to such an extent that they required no medication for pain relief at all afterwards. Bennett demonstrated that such response does not require conscious memory of the surgery (Bennett et alia, 1984, 1985). In a three minute message played during surgery, he instructed patients that they were to touch their ear during their postoperative interview (which was to happen a week later). The interviewers a week later did not know which patients had been told to touch their ears. 82% of those told to did touch their ears, and the average time spent ―ear-touching‖ was 15 times as long in this group as in the control group. These patients did not ―remember‖ the instruction to touch their ears. But they did follow it. In the same way, Bennett cautions, patients do not remember their surgeons negative suggestions during surgery, but they do follow them. Healing From Cancer Is Done By The Immune System The same incredible ability of the mind to run the body is demonstrated in its response to tumours. Anecdotal accounts of ―spontaneous remission‖ of cancer have been known for thousands of years. Dr Brendan O‘Regan is a neurochemist who has collected a database of 3,500 medically documented cases of spontaneous remission of cancer. Dr Charles Weinstock leads the New York Psychosomatic Study group, and has commented on these cases that ―Within a short period before the remission, ranging from days to a few months, there was an important change, such as a marriage, an ordination, the birth of a grandchild, or removal of a relationship that was unwanted. There was a psychosocial rehabilitation of one sort or another, and then the cancer was healed.‖ (Weinstock, 1997). The first western research demonstrating that this type of remission could be ―reliably‖ induced was published by Dr Carl and Stephanie Simonton from Dallas Texas, in their book Getting Well Again (1978). Working with 159 people considered to have medically incurable cancer (average life expectancy 12 months) the Simontons reported two years later that 14 clients had no evidence of cancer at all, 29 had tumours which were stable or regressing, and almost all had lived well beyond the 12 month ―limit‖ (p 11-12). Essentially, 10% were cured and 20% were curing themselves. The Simontons used a combination of biofeedback, visualisation, exercise, goalsetting, resolving internal conflicts, letting go of resentment, and engaging family support. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
270
The publication of Beliefs (1990) by Robert Dilts, Tim Hallbom and Suzi Smith first offered an NLP frame for understanding similar processes. This book begins with Dilts‘ breathtaking account of his mother healing from cancer after 4 days of NLP to change limiting beliefs and resolve internal conflicts. Talk to most oncologists (cancer specialists) and they will tell you that such results are impossible. It can help for you as an NLP Practitioner to know a little of the research explaining that, not only are such results possible, but at least one mechanism by which they are achieved is already well studied. One of the simplest ways that such methods work is by mobilising the body‘s own natural cancer killing cells (a type of white blood cells or ―lymphocytes‖ called T cells). Increased number of T cells and increased level of their activity is strongly associated in research with cancer being contained in one place, rather than spreading, and with cancer ceasing to reoccur after treatment (Mandeville et alia, 1982; Burford-Mason et alia, 1989). Research shows that bereavement and experimentally induced negative mood states both inhibit the body‘s lymphocyte production (Bartrop et alia 1977, Schleifer et alia 1983, Futterman et alia, 1994). Sustained grief and depression, then, are states which increase the risk of cancer. On the other hand, a proactive style of coping with stress is associated with enhanced T cell activity (Goodkin et alia, 1992). That is to say, when someone is in a state where they feel in charge of their life, and as if they are making choices about their future, a check of their T cells will show that these cells are more actively eliminating cancer cells. Research also shows that lymphocyte activity can be anchored using NLP anchoring (classical conditioning) techniques (BuskeKirschbaum, 1992). Short term educational psychotherapy can also increase both the percentage of T cells and their activity, by teaching the person how to respond resourcefully (Fawzy et alia, 1990, and 1993). These improvements in T cell activity, due to short term therapy, continue to intensify up to 6 months after the psychotherapy! People with cancer who are taught relaxation and guided imagery (imagining their lymphocytes getting rid of the cancer cells) show significantly higher T cell activity than controls (Walker, 1997). Nicholas Hall, at the University of South Florida, describes a study in which he found that lymphocytes from women with breast cancer who did guided imagery, were both more effectively duplicating themselves and more effectively dissolving and engulfing cancer cells (Batt, 1994, p151). The effect of visualisation is so precise that when students are taught to imagine their lymphocytes doing one specific activity (in the research, they imagined the lymphocytes adhering to other cells better) then that specific activity will be enhanced and not others! (Hall et alia, 1992). How do scientists get these research results, which have been replicated with a number of different types of cancer? They actually take lymphocytes out of the person's body and place them in a test tube next to cancer cells from that same person. What is perhaps most amazing is to realise that once the cells have been ―given their instructions‖ by visualisation, they continue to follow them even when removed from the body, or even after several months in the body. Creating Comfort NLP‘s origins lie partially in the hypnotherapeutic work of Milton H. Erickson, whose ability to alleviate pain was studied by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in one of NLP‘s first books (1975, p 26-50). As early as 1850, the English surgeon James Esdaile (1957) demonstrated that hypnosis could remove the acute pain of major surgery, reliably delivering an effectiveness comparable to chemical anesthesia. There have been plenty of experimental studies showing how and to what degree artificially induced pain can be relieved by hypnosis, but it is now well established that the clinical results of the method far exceed the experimental ones (Hilgard and Hilgard, 1994). Put simply, it‘s a lot easier to stop the pain of a person about to be cut up in real-life surgery, than it is to stop the pain you have experimentally induced by asking a volunteer to plunge their hand into icewater for a few minutes. This fact alone tells us something extremely important about pain relief by ―hypnosis‖. It works best when the person really needs it to work. The technique of hypnosis is not a drug which will work regardless of the person‘s attitude. It is a technique for utilizing the person‘s attitude. In fact, pain, as research shows, is heavily determined by a person‘s attitude. Pain which persists or recurs for over six months is called chronic pain. Chronic pain seems to alter the processing in the brain, so that there is abnormal activity in the nociceptors (pain receptors) in the somatosensory cortex (the area of the brain that finally registers what kinesthetic sensations you believe occurred in what part of the body). When the brain is scanned using PET (positron emission tomography) this abnormality is clear. Studies by Pierre Rainville, Catherine Bushnell and Gary Duncan (2001)
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
271
show that hypnotic suggestions can increase or decrease this abnormal activity in chronic pain, and hence alter the pain experience. Other more recent studies, using fMRI scans (functional magnetic resonance imaging) show that the mere expectation of pain produces 40% of the response produced by ―real‖ pain in the pain receptors in the cortex of the brain (Porro et alia 2002). Researchers Dennis Turk and Akiko Okifuji explain results of several studies showing that ―In chronic pain, pain-related anxiety and fear may actually accentuate the pain experience…. When people with pain symptoms are exposed to a feared situation (eg walking up a flight of stairs), some experience a cascade of avoidance responses…. Fearful patients appear to attend more to signals of threat and to be less able to ignore pain-related information.‖ (Turk and Okifuji, 2002, p 679-680). Applying The Research A) Pain Relief In the last few years, I have collected anecdotal stories where NLP sessions have led to dramatic results in recovery from surgery, cancer treatment, pain relief and achieving many other health outcomes. Here are three simple examples, in which New Zealand Master Practitioners report their work. Libuska Prochazka is an NLP Master Practitioner and Physiotherapist. She says: Carmen came to see me for physiotherapy to deal with pain in both lower legs. Her right ankle had been surgically reconstructed three years previously after a severe sprain of the ligament. She had suffered pain in both legs for the last year or so. While playing netball and softball, she taped her legs, but suffered severe pain after each game. Both legs ached throughout the day, and the pain kept her awake at night. She had previously tried physiotherapy, specific home exercises prescribed by a physiotherapist, and wearing orthotic shoe inserts and taping her legs. All these interventions had very limited success. Carmen is very kinesthetic. She very rarely looked directly into my eyes as we spoke but gesticulated a lot and was very 'in touch' with the feelings in her body. She very quickly revealed a fear that had been with her for many years and was able to access the feelings that went with that very easily. This fear, or phobia, was of climbing anything that looked even remotely flimsy. Stairs were the worst as she imagined herself falling through them because she was too heavy. The thought of stairs, ladders, fences, even standing on table tops would all bring her out in a sweat (I was a witness to this as she spoke of it), increase her heart rate and make her legs feel like jelly. I explained to her that there was a possibility that her leg pain was present as a result of her unconscious mind protecting her from this constant fear which was with her every day and limiting many daily activities. With Carmen's permission I decided to use the NLP 'Phobia Cure' . Five days later, I did a follow-up session with Carmen. From the moment she left the clinic after the Phobia Cure, she had felt no pain at all in her legs. In fact, they felt so good that the next day she played netball (with no tape) and explained how other members of team commented on her enthusiasm in the game. They told her she was playing just like 'her old self‟, confident and much more competitive. She experienced absolutely no pain either during or after the game and felt so confident that she played softball the next day. Again, she played better than ever, even sliding into a base as she ran to it and again, feeling no pain. Carmen almost bounced into the room and as well as hearing from her that she felt 'totally different', she also appeared much more confident. I checked her legs for tenderness and apart from very mild tenderness on palpation of her left Achilles‟ tendon, there was no other marked tenderness. She discussed her old fear and said that it was no longer a problem. In fact she was looking forward to climbing up onto the roof (safely she added) to look at the stars with her daughter. This is apparently an activity that her daughter does frequently and has wanted her mother to do with her for a' long time. Her words: "My life has totally changed, this is just magic!" Applying The Research B) Cancer Remission Here, NLP Master Practitioner Damian Peters describes his work with a patient with bone cancer. John was a Samoan chap who was in a wheelchair when I first went to visit him. He was in his home, he was living on his own, and I went to visit him as a volunteer from a hospice, which I had been working with for a while. I asked him “Tell me about your history, basically give me a little bit about your background.” And it was interesting, because one of the first things that he said, was “When I was at school I had to come home and From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
272
do my homework and dad would always stand behind me and he would have big hands, and he was a big man, and every time I made a mistake he would just hit me over the head, and say „No you have done it wrong, do it again.‟ The message that I got, was: if you don‟t finish your education, you will never survive out there. If you don‟t finish your education, you will never get a job; if you don‟t finish your education…” and he started going on, and I said, “Stop, stop, stop. That very first one; what was that one you said?” He said, “If I don‟t finish my education I won‟t survive out there.” and then he stopped, and he looked at me, and suddenly clicked as to what he had said, and I said, “When did you get cancer?” He said, “When I was sixteen.” and I said, “Did you finish your education?” He said, “No, I had an argument with dad, I left home, left school, went flatting with some friends, and within three months I started getting dizzy spells, and blackouts and started going to the doctor, and he sent me into the hospital when they diagnosed me with bone cancer (osteosarcoma).” So he was 26 when I went to see him, and I met him for the first time, so this was ten years down the track. He had had cancer on and off, had gone into remission and it had come back again. This time it had come back with a vengeance and he was just riddled with it, and he was basically just on morphine and had booked into the hospice programme and was waiting to die. Waiting to die! So I spent three sessions with him, and each session was just reversing that message from his dad, that you don‟t need to have an education to survive or to be successful or to do anything in life. I started quoting to him all the various people that I could think of who had become very successful in their business, and had long lives and had never had an education. I used hypnotherapy, I used parts integration and I used Time Line Therapy®. I took him back to the time that he first heard that message from his dad that you needed to have an education to survive and we took away that whole message completely. The parts integration involved the part of him that believed that you needed to have an education to survive and a part that didn‟t believe that you need to have an education to survive. Hypnotherapy was going in and showing the unconscious mind that you don‟t need education to live to survive; also to help to get rid of the pain, and using hypnotherapy to reverse the process of the cancer that was happening, so that it was going into remission and that the immune cells would actually start coming back with a vengeance and attacking the cancer cells. So that was really the main thrust of the hypnotherapy. And he had been given between six and twelve months to live. Within three months he was back on his feet, he was out of the wheelchair and he is now playing senior rugby league. I think attitude is the basis of everything that I am doing at the moment: intent. If you are not coming with the right intention, then I don‟t believe that the techniques themselves will work. I am not sure if this is going to sound right in an article, but for me it comes from just the big meaning of the word “love”. If I have a love for myself and that soul, that spirit, that life force inside of me, then I can feel the connection with everybody else that I come into contact with, particularly my clients, and it is just like I feel the energy between us, and I become part of their energy, and impress a whole lot of positive intents towards them, no matter what technique I am doing, even if I am just talking to them. Applying the Research C) Recovery From Surgery A good choice for me to complete this article with is my own work with my partner Margot Hamblett, who died of metastatic breast cancer in 2001. It‘s a good choice because it reminds us that NLP is not magic, merely the study of how magic happens. In July 2000, Margot decided to have major breast surgery (mastectomy and reconstruction). Before her operation, NLP Trainer Lynn Timpany and I took her through an Ericksonian trance induction suggesting that she would recover from the surgery quickly and feel comfort easily. While she was in a deeply relaxed and meditative state at times over the days before surgery, she played a track of relaxing music which she had never heard before this time. During the surgery, her anesthetist played the same music through headphones. Our thought was that the relaxed meditative state would be useful during surgery, and then could be used as an anchor after surgery. After surgery, she was given an intravenous morphine drip, and shown how to use it as needed for comfort. However, Margot never used the drip after the time where she was shown how to use it. She found that as soon as she played the music, her body felt completely comfortable, and this was far more pleasant and effective than intravenous morphine. Nursing staff worried that she was using zero pain relief – they explained repeatedly that she would have trouble breathing if she didn‟t use the morphine for pain relief. However, there simply was no pain. None at all. Margot left hospital almost two days before her surgeon‟s
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
273
original expectation, largely due to the increased ability to exercise that her own natural comfort strategies produced. The sequel to this story, however, is also worth telling. Over the next four months, a collection of swollen lymph nodes emerged on Margot‘s neck and upper chest (indications of cancer recurrence). These had reached walnut size and were associated with considerable pain by the time (September 17 th, 2000) she decided to begin doing six hours of traditional Chinese Chi Kung exercises a day. Doing this was quite tiring because Margot had been losing weight since the surgery, and was taking large doses of opiate pain killers for back and chest pain. But amazingly, by September 18th, one day after starting her new regimen, all Margot‘s pain had gone and she stopped taking the pain killers. After another 4 days, Margot wrote in her diary ―I feel great; happy, optimistic and energetic.‖ Two days later, the lumps in her neck and chest had shrunk. She had trouble finding them anymore, as they were the size of apple pips. She began to put on weight. In one week she had produced a dramatic turnaround in her cancer. Sadly, a reverse turning point seemed to occur later, when Margot began to get new chest pain, and decided to reduce the intensity of the Chi Kung she was doing. Margot‘s condition deteriorated, and she died in 2001. There are so many factors involved in such a condition that there is no simple answer to the question ―Why?‖ But there are answers to another question: ―What worked?‖ This is a fundamental NLP question and I want to conclude by sharing Margot‘s answer with you. In her diary, on September 26 th 2000, Margot wrote ―Yesterday afternoon I felt waves of love and happiness…. At times I feel so loved and loving; that love is so abundant.‖ Written at a time of sudden, dramatic remission, this is a clue to the source of all such healing. My hope is that you will use it, not just to heal others, but to heal yourself.
Bibliography Bartrop R.W. et alia, ―Depressed lymphocyte function after bereavement‖ Lancet 1977, 1:884 Batt, S. Patient No More: The Politics of Breast Cancer Spinifex, Melbourne, 1996 Bennett, H. L. and Davis, H. S. ―Non-verbal response to intraoperative conversation.‖ in Anesthesia and Analgesia. No. 63, p185, 1984 Bennett, H. L., Davis, H. S. and Giannini, J. A. ―Non-verbal response to intraoperative conversation.‖ British Journal of Anaesthesia. No. 57, p 174-179, 1985 Bennett, H.L. and Disbrow, E.A. ―Preparing for Surgery and Medical Procedures‖ p 401-427 in Goleman, D. and Gurin, J. ed Mind-Body Medicine: How to Use Your Mind For Better Health Consumer Reports Books, Yonkers, New York, 1993 Bennett, H.L. Bensen, D.R. and Kuiken, D.A. ―Preoperative Instruction for decreased bleeding during spine surgery‖ in Anesthesiology, No. 65p A245, 1986 Breggin, P. Toxic Psychiatry, Fontana, London, 1992 Britchford, B. ―Ten-Minute Trance: Ericksonian Techniques in a Busy General Practice‖ p 110-118 in Lankton, S.R. and Zeig, J.K. ed Research, Comparisons and Medical Applications of Ericksonian Techniques Brunner/Mazel, New York, 1988 Burford-Mason, A., Gyte, G.M.L. and Watkins, S.M., 1989, ―Phytohaemaglutinin responsiveness in peripheral lymphocytes and survival in patients with primary breast cancer‖ Breast Cancer Research and Treatment 13: 243-250 Buske-Kirschbaum A., Kirschbaum C., Stierle H., Lehnert H., and Hellhaminer D., 1992 ―Conditioned increase in natural killer cell activity in humans‖ in Psychosomatic Medicine 54:123-132 Cobb,I.A., Thomas, G.I., Dillard, D.H. et al. ―An evaluation of internal-mammary-artery ligation by a double blind technic.‖ In New England Journal of Medicine, No. 260, p 1115-1118, 1959 Diamond, E.G., Kittle, C.F. and Crockett, J.E. ―Evaluation of internal mammary artery ligation and sham procedure in angina pectoris‖ in Circulation, No. 18, p 712-713, 1958 Dilts, R., Hallbom, T. and Smith, S. Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well-being Metamorphous, Portland, Oregon, 1990 Dubos, R. Man, Medicine and Environment, Penguin, Harmondsworth, England, 1968 Egbert, L.D., Battit, G.E. et alia ―Reduction of postoperative pain by encouragement and instruction of patients‖ in New England Journal of Medicine, No. 270 p 825-827, 1964 Fawzy F.I., Fawzy N.W., Hyun C.S. et alia ―Malignant Melanoma: effects of an early structured psychiatric intervention, coping and affective state on recurrence and survival 6 years later‖ Archives of General Psychiatry 1993, 50:681-689 From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
274
Fawzy F.I., Kenieny M.E., Fawzy N.W. et alia ―A structured psychiatric intervention for cancer patients. 11 Changes over time in immunological measures‖ Archives of General Psychiatry 1990, 47:729-735 Futterman, A.D., Kemeny M.E., Shapiro D., and Fahey J.L., ―Immunological and physiological changes associated with induced positive and negative mood‖ Psychosomatic Medicine 1994, 56: 499-511 Goodkin K., Blancy N.T., Feaster D. et alia ―Active coping style is associated with natural killer cell cytotoxicity in asymptomatic HIV-1 seropositive homosexual men‖ Journal of Psychosomatic Research 1992, 36:635-650 Greer, S. ―Mind Body research in psycho-oncology‖ Advances in Mind Body Medicine 1999, 5 No. 4: 236-244 Hall, H. et alia, ―Voluntary modulation of neutrophil adhesiveness using a cyberphysiologic strategy‖ International Journal of Neuroscience, 1992, 63: 287-297 Illich, I. Limits to Medicine, Penguin, Harmondsworth, England, 1978 Mandeville R., Lamoureaux G., Legault-Poisson S., Poisson R. ―Biological markers and breast cancer: a multiparametric study. II. Depressed immune competence.‖ Cancer, 1982, 50:1280-1288 McDermott, I. And O‘Connor, J. NLP And Health Thorsons, London, 1996 Ornstein, E. and Sobel, D. The Healing Brain, Papermac, London, 1988 Payer, L. Medicine and Culture, Penguin, Harmondsworth, England, 1988 Schleifer S.J. et alia, ―Suppression of lymphocyte stimulation following bereavement‖ Journal of the American Medical Association 1983, 250:374 Simonton, O.C., Mathews-Simonton, S. and Creighton, J.L. Getting Well Again Bantam, New York, 1980 Spangfort, E.V. ―The lumbar disk herniation: A computer aided analysis of 2594 operations. Acta Orthopaedica Scandinavica, 142 (suppli.) p 1-95, 1972 Walker L.G., Walker M.B., Simpson E. et alia ―Guided imagery and relaxation therapy can modify host defenses in women receiving treatment for locally advanced breast cancer‖ British Journal of Surgery 1997, 84(suppliment l):31 Weinstock, C. ―Notes on spontaneous regression of cancer‖ p 106-110 in Journal Of The American Society of Psychosomatic Dentistry and Medicine, 24 (4), 1977 Bandler, R. and Grinder, J. Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson, M.D. Volume 1 Meta Publications, Cupertino, California, 1975 Barber, J. ed Hypnosis And Suggestion In The Treatment Of Pain W.W. Norton & Co, New York, 1996 Bolstad, R. RESOLVE: A New Model Of Therapy Crown House, Bancyfelin, Wales, 2002 Crasilneck, H.B. and Hall, J.A. Clinical Hypnosis Allyn and Bacon, Boston, 1985 Erickson, M.H. The Collected Papers of Milton H. Erickson on Hypnosis (Volumes 1-4) Irvington, New York, 1980 Esdaile, J. Hypnosis in Medicine and Surgery Julian, New York, 1957 Hilgard, E.R. and Hilgard, J.R. Hypnosis in the Relief of Pain Brunner/Mazel, New York, 1994 Keefe, F.J., Lumley, M.A., Anderson, T., Lynch, T., Studts, J., & Carson, K.L. ―Pain and emotion: New research directions‖ page 587-607 in Journal of Clinical Psychology, Number 57, 2001 Porro, C. A., Baraldi, P., Pagnoni, G., Serafini, M., Facchin, P., Maieron, M., and Nichelli, P. ―Does anticipation of pain affect cortical nociceptive systems?‖ page 3206-3214 in the Journal of Neuroscience, Number 22:8, 2002 Rainville, P., Bushnell, M. C., and Duncan, G. H. ―Representation of acute and persistent pain in the human CNS: potential implications for chemical intolerance‖ page 130-141 in Annual of the New York Academy of Science, 2001 Tracey I, Ploghaus A, Gati JS, Clare S, Smith S, Menon RS, Matthews PM. ―Imaging attentional modulation of pain in the periaqueductal gray in humans‖ page 2748-2752 in the Journal of Neuroscience, Number 22, 2002 Turk, D. C. and Okifuji, A. ―Psychological factors in chronic pain: evolution and revolution‖ page 678-690 in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, Number 70:3, 2002
Dr Richard Bolstad is an NLP Trainer and Registered Nurse. His book RESOLVE: A New Model of Therapy describes the use of NLP in therapy, and Pro-fusion: NLP and Energy Work is an introduction to the use of NLP in health. He can be reached at
[email protected]
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
275
Healing Cancer While Using NLP © Dr Richard Bolstad It would be naïve indeed for anyone to claim that either NLP or orthodox medicine has a "cure" for all cancer. However, it is also important to acknowledge that people often produce healing in situations such as cancer, using NLP as a support. I have met many people who have completely healed cancer, using NLP as their main healing metaphor. This is perhaps an appropriate time to share four stories which remind us of this possibility. In each of these cases, an NLP Practitioner successfully supported a person with a number of tumours. In each of these cases, they sought medical backup, and made decisions ready to use the best that medical technology could offer them. And in each of these cases, they then were able to (rather quickly) have the person heal the cancer, while using standard NLP techniques. There is good reason to expect success with many of the people who come to see us in this situation. In this introduction to the articles, I want to share some of the research that explains how NLP techniques may be able to assist people who heal cancer, at least in a large percentage of cases. Firstly, anecdotal accounts of ―spontaneous remission‖ of cancer have been known for thousands of years. Dr Brendan O‘Regan is a neurochemist who has collected a database of 3,500 medically documented cases of spontaneous remission of cancer. Dr Charles Weinstock leads the New York Psychosomatic Study group, and has commented on these cases that ―Within a short period before the remission, ranging from days to a few months, there was an important change, such as a marriage, an ordination, the birth of a grandchild, or removal of a relationship that was unwanted. There was a psychosocial rehabilitation of one sort or another, and then the cancer was healed.‖ (Weinstock, 1997). Nothing in this article or book claims that NLP ―cures‖ cancer, merely that healing processes can be supported. The first western research demonstrating that remission could be ―reliably‖ induced was published by Dr Carl and Stephanie Simonton from Dallas Texas, in their book Getting Well Again (1978). Working with 159 people considered to have medically incurable cancer (average life expectancy 12 months) the Simontons reported two years later that 14 clients had no evidence of cancer at all, 29 had tumours which were stable or regressing, and almost all had lived well beyond the 12 month ―limit‖ (p 11-12). Essentially, 10% were cured and 20% were curing themselves. The Simontons used a combination of biofeedback, visualisation, exercise, goalsetting, resolving internal conflicts, letting go of resentment, and engaging family support. The only research which I know of showing a better result with mind-body healing of cancer is that from the Huaxia Zhineng chi kung centre in China. Founded by western trained physician Dr Pang Ming, the Huaxia Zhineng centre is the world‘s largest medicine-free ―hospital‖. It has over 600 staff, including 26 western trained doctors, and treats 4000-7000 people at any given time. Residents (called students because they are learning to heal, rather than simply being ―treated‖) are checked medically after each 24 day treatment period. Most of them have inoperable cancers. In the centre‘s first published results, (Huaxia Zhineng Centre, 1991; Chan, 1999, p vii) data on 7,936 students showed that 15.2% were cured, 37.68% had almost no signs of their illness, and 42.09% were improved. That is to say, after a month, 52% were cured or almost cured, and overall 95% had improved. Cure rates have been improving since then, as staff learn precisely how to get the best from their methods. Over 4000 research studies have been done on the method at 90 different universities, and the method is the most recommended ―sports exercise program" in Chinese Government publications (open recognition of the healing power of chi kung is highly contentious in China at present). The high success rate at the Centre is achieved by a structured use of visualisation, affirmation, belief change and attitudinal (metaprogram) change, as well as the core chi kung physical exercises (similar to tai chi). The publication of Beliefs (1990) by Robert Dilts, Tim Hallbom and Suzi Smith first offered an NLP frame for understanding similar processes. This book begins with Dilts‘ breathtaking account of his mother healing from cancer after 4 days of NLP to change limiting beliefs and resolve internal conflicts. Talk to most oncologists (cancer specialists) and they will tell you that such results are impossible. It can help for you as an NLP Practitioner to know a little of the research explaining that, not only are such results possible, but at least one mechanism by which they are achieved is already well studied.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
276
One of the simplest ways that such methods work is by mobilising the body‘s own natural cancer killing cells (a type of white blood cells or ―lymphocytes‖ called T cells). Increased number of T cells and increased level of their activity is strongly associated in research with cancer being contained in one place, rather than spreading, and with cancer ceasing to reoccur after treatment (Mandeville et alia, 1982; Burford-Mason et alia, 1989). Research shows that bereavement and experimentally induced negative mood states both inhibit the body‘s lymphocyte production (Bartrop et alia 1977, Schleifer et alia 1983, Futterman et alia, 1994). Sustained grief and depression, then, are states which increase the risk of cancer. On the other hand, a proactive style of coping with stress is associated with enhanced T cell activity (Goodkin et alia, 1992). That is to say, when someone is in a state where they feel in charge of their life, and as if they are making choices about their future, a check of their T cells will show that these cells are more actively eliminating cancer cells. Research also shows that lymphocyte activity can be anchored using NLP anchoring (classical conditioning) techniques (BuskeKirschbaum, 1992). Short term educational psychotherapy can also increase both the percentage of T cells and their activity, by teaching the person how to respond resourcefully (Fawzy et alia, 1990, and 1993). These improvements in T cell activity, due to short term therapy, continue to intensify up to 6 months after the psychotherapy! People with cancer who are taught relaxation and guided imagery (imagining their lymphocytes getting rid of the cancer cells) show significantly higher T cell activity than controls (Walker, 1997). Nicholas Hall, at the University of South Florida, describes a study in which he found that lymphocytes from women with breast cancer who did guided imagery, were both more effectively duplicating themselves and more effectively dissolving and engulfing cancer cells (Batt, 1994, p151). The effect of visualisation is so precise that when students are taught to imagine their lymphocytes doing one specific activity (in the research, they imagined the lymphocytes adhering to other cells better) then that specific activity will be enhanced and not others! (Hall et alia, 1992). How do scientists get these research results, which have been replicated with a number of different types of cancer? They actually take lymphocytes out of the person's body and place them in a test tube next to cancer cells from that same person. What is perhaps most amazing is to realise that once the cells have been ―given their instructions‖ by visualisation, they continue to follow them even when removed from the body, or even after several months in the body. And the results in real life? Well, read the next articles and see for yourself! References: Bartrop R.W. et alia, ―Depressed lymphocyte function after bereavement‖ Lancet 1977, 1:884 Batt, S. Patient No More: The Politics of Breast Cancer Spinifex, Melbourne, 1996 Burford-Mason, A., Gyte, G.M.L. and Watkins, S.M., 1989, ―Phytohaemaglutinin responsiveness in peripheral lymphocytes and survival in patients with primary breast cancer‖ Breast Cancer Research and Treatment 13: 243-250 Buske-Kirschbaum A., Kirschbaum C., Stierle H., Lehnert H., and Hellhaminer D., 1992 ―Conditioned increase in natural killer cell activity in humans‖ in Psychosomatic Medicine 54:123-132 Chan, L. 101 Miracles of Natural Healing Benefactor Press, West Chester, Ohio, 1999 Dilts, R., Hallbom, T. and Smith, S. Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well-being Metamorphous, Portland, Oregon, 1990 Fawzy F.I., Fawzy N.W., Hyun C.S. et alia ―Malignant Melanoma: effects of an early structured psychiatric intervention, coping and affective state on recurrence and survival 6 years later‖ Archives of General Psychiatry 1993, 50:681-689 Fawzy F.I., Kenieny M.E., Fawzy N.W. et alia ―A structured psychiatric intervention for cancer patients. 11 Changes over time in immunological measures‖ Archives of General Psychiatry 1990, 47:729-735 Futterman, A.D., Kemeny M.E., Shapiro D., and Fahey J.L., ―Immunological and physiological changes associated with induced positive and negative mood‖ Psychosomatic Medicine 1994, 56: 499-511 Goodkin K., Blancy N.T., Feaster D. et alia ―Active coping style is associated with natural killer cell cytotoxicity in asymptomatic HIV-1 seropositive homosexual men‖ Journal of Psychosomatic Research 1992, 36:635-650 Greer, S. ―Mind Body research in psychooncology‖ Advances in Mind Body Medicine 1999, 5 No. 4: 236-244 Hall, H. et alia, ―Voluntary modulation of neutrophil adhesiveness using a cyberphysiologic strategy‖ International Journal of Neuroscience, 1992, 63: 287-297 Huaxia Zhineng Centre A Summary of Zhineng Qigong‘s Healing Effects on Chronic Diseases Huaxia Zhineng Clinic & Training Centre, Zigachong, 1991 From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
277
Mandeville R., Lamoureaux G., Legault-Poisson S., Poisson R. ―Biological markers and breast cancer: a multiparametric study. II. Depressed immune competence.‖ Cancer, 1982, 50:1280-1288 Schleifer S.J. et alia, ―Suppression of lymphocyte stimulation following bereavement‖ Journal of the American Medical Association 1983, 250:374 Simonton, O.C., Mathews-Simonton, S. and Creighton, J.L. Getting Well Again Bantam, New York, 1980 Walker L.G., Walker M.B., Simpson E. et alia ―Guided imagery and relaxation therapy can modify host defenses in women receiving treatment for locally advanced breast cancer‖ British Journal of Surgery 1997, 84(suppliment l):31 Weinstock, C. ―Notes on spontaneous regression of cancer‖ p 106-110 in Journal Of The American Society of Psychosomatic Dentistry and Medicine, 24 (4), 1977
The Cores in Session © Garth Thornton, NLP Practitioner There are two questions that I guess all NLP practitioners have considered at some time. The first is ―How much is really possible with NLP?‖ and more specifically, ―Will it work when I‘m the therapist?‖ The second is ―How will I handle unexpected responses during therapy?‖ which may be a significant concern for inexperienced practitioners; it certainly was for me. This case raised both questions, and also my pulse. I hope that by sharing it someone might find useful ideas or encouragement to be bolder than they might have been. The client had four fibroid tumours, one larger than a grapefruit, diagnosed by CAT scan and confirmed with ultrasound. They are benign but were now large enough to have caused blood loss and subsequent anemia and an oedema (compression of the abdominal aorta resulting in swelling of the left foot). The medical recommendation was total hysterectomy, though not the only option. Several months ago I‘d done a general healing trance, following which the smaller tumours had disappeared and the large one shrank 93% as measured by CAT scan and ultrasound. However it had subsequently re-grown and complications were recurring. The medical specialists had been amazed at the earlier shrinkage (―This does not happen!‖) but were again recommending surgery. She had also had non-invasive cervical carcinoma successfully treated in 1988, and a family history of cancer, which had led to anxiety and some fatalistic beliefs. The client has excellent trance and visualizing skills, and with strong trust and rapport agreed to try more therapy. I have not done the Master Practitioner or Core Transformation courses, nor worked with clients other than personal friends, so consider myself still a novice. Having recently skimmed the book Core Transformations by Connirae Andreas (1994) and jotted a lazy half page of notes, and then been through two core transformations, I decided this was the most promising approach (to be followed by a deeper healing trance). When the time came to begin, I found myself more nervous than expected, though my voice remained calm enough for the client not to notice. First time running a core transformation, with scanty notes and the outcome‘s not even supposed to be possible! Fortunately I believe all things are possible, just not necessarily probable. But that‘s theory. I trust the processes, but this certainly felt like a big challenge with major consequences. We began with fast relaxation into a medium trance, and I asked if she could identify the part responsible for the tumours. She did, and received and welcomed it. It was very happy to see her. Asking its purpose got the response ―It‘s broken… can‘t make the right chemical. It has a bad gene, inherited from my mother.‖ ―OK, what does it want to do?‖ ―Make healthy muscle tissue.‖ We proceeded to discover the rest of the outcome chain, which was: full functioning, good health, wholeness. We reversed the outcome chain, taking the wholeness back down through each in turn, noticing how it transformed and enriched them. The part was now happy that it had all these things and would indeed make healthy muscle tissue. (The client told me later that she had seen it go over to the wall and throw a switch that changed the control sequence.) When I asked how old the part was, she said it was inherited, going back a long way. I checked what would be the most appropriate time to consider as a starting point for her, and she replied From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
278
"Conception.‖ We grew the part up to present age with the benefit of wholeness, brought it fully into her body, and with no objections, proceeded to timeline generalization. Everything was going well. Before we could go further, she said ―Wait. There‘s one part that is feeling sad. It won‘t join in with the others.‖ ―Which part is this?‖ ―It causes cancer.‖ ―OK, and what is its original purpose, that it really wants to do?‖ ―To make things grow.‖ From there we got the rest of the outcome chain: integration, complete health, acceptance. Reversing the outcome chain worked for this part too. Checking the age of the part, we found it was also inherited, but had now grown up along with the other part and was happy, so we proceeded. When it came to the timeline generalization for this part, and I suggested she float up above her timeline, she said ―Wait, I don‘t know where I am!‖ I didn‘t know either, so I had to ask her to look around, find some perspective, consider how she got to wherever she was. It took a long minute for her to relocate herself comfortably. She explained later that as she had relaxed into the trance, she had descended into tunnels, swum down through pools to get to even deeper levels of twisty tunnels and rooms, to get down to where the metabolic parts worked. Her literal core, perhaps. The cancer/growth part had also gone over to the wall to throw a switch, and sequences realigned until they were whole and healthy. Now it was happy and fully accepted by the other parts. Then we did the other timeline generalization, with all parts happy. Before we could proceed further, we hit another snag. ―My parts won‘t go back in!‖ ―What? How did they get out?‖ That had really caught me off guard. And how many were out there? ―I took them all out to inspect them before, and now I don‘t know how to put them back. They won‘t go,‖ she said, and was starting to worry. So was I; what else had happened that I didn‘t know about? I didn‘t have any idea what to say next. I wondered what Richard Bolstad would do in this situation, and suddenly I knew. ―Do you think the parts might know how to get back in?‖ ―Um… yes they might.‖ ―And could you trust them to know what to do?‖ ―Yes! I can.‖ ―That‘s right, can you ask them to go right ahead and do that now.‖ ―Yes… they want to be acknowledged, and be sure I understand.‖ She hugged them all and they were happy. ―And can they go back in now?‖ ―Yes,‖ and a door opened and in they all went. She told me later that they‘d been outside her through both timelines, zipping along behind her like a bunch of electric sparks on tethers. I‘m sure there‘s a lesson about assumptions there. Now that she‘d ‗got herself together‘ again, I took her down into a very deep trance to maximize the healing processes. She confirmed that it would proceed rapidly and absolutely would not stop before she was totally healed, and said it would take 28 days to complete. She surfaced feeling integrated, harmonious and healthier From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
279
already. She lost the oedema and noticed considerable tumour shrinkage the next day, and all pain and discomfort had gone. One week later she had lost 2kg and been able to run miles for the first time in months. Two and a half weeks after the session, a CAT scan and ultrasound diagnosis found no trace of any fibroids at all. Of course they suspected some mistake and wanted to do further tests, which the client declined as a waste of time. The entire session was conducted over the phone. It‘s not my first choice of course, but it can work when necessary, given sufficient trust and rapport and appropriate skills (in this case, client‘s ability to achieve and maintain deep trance over a phone.) As well as being thrilled with the client‘s prognosis, I felt this to be a great learning experience. To the question of what‘s possible, my answer is now ―Enough to go on with.‖ The answer to how well I‘ll handle unexpected responses is also ―Enough to go on with.‖ It also led to the insight ―If your map isn‘t working, try using the client‘s map.‖ Andreas, C., and Andreas, T., Core Transformation, Real People Press, Moab, Utah, 1994
Cancer, the Mind, Science and the Abyss. © Anthony Wightman, NLP Master Practitioner What I have to tell you really did happen, but not in any miraculous way, only as I planned it. Being of sound mind (arguable, it could easily have been visual, kinaesthetic or any combination, if actually present at all), and scientific leaning, some say bent, I dealt with my little skin cancer in the way I thought it should be dealt with. I got it all wrong but it still makes an interesting story and a basis for future disciplines when dealing with establishment science. It was my fault really: I should have known better. So having left you confused and perhaps doubting my sanity and certainly my veracity, I shall tell you the story from the moment I first asked a GP what that growth was on the back of my hand, alone amongst scattered solar keritoses. "That is skin cancer" he said, " Basal cell carcinoma. Nothing too serious but still I'll cut it out now for you if you like." " No thanks " I said, " I would like to try a few NLP ideas first." He is a humorous, humane and clever man is Doc, but we know each other well enough to be honest and he broke into gales of amused laughter before telling me that it wouldn't do any harm and to come back and have it cut out when I had finished playing around. This Doctor has great faith in my ability to help his depressed and lost patients looking for what NLP can offer, so he's not a total cynic. He is a wonderful and caring man who keeps me in touch with the bounds of apparent orthodoxy. I took my Basal cell Carcinoma to two other GPs to have the diagnosis confirmed and ask if it could be a solar keratosis of any kind. No, it was cancer the only possible doubt was whether it was Basal cell or Squamous cell that could spread more quickly but was of no absolute immediate concern. I had a diagnosis and I had a condition that needed curing. Now, how would I cure it.? It was really exciting to have this chance to demonstrate that the peculiar concoction of the spiritual and scientific techniques espoused by Richard Bolstad and Margot Hamblett (They are members of the Merlin Association of Magicians) had some real value against real flesh and blood life taking disease. The reason for me following their teachings is not their cleverness, although they are, or the fact that they have done the work that I should have done myself, which they have, but more that they appear to be teaching self From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
280
evident truths. Evident to me, anyway, in spite of the lack of evidence. Allowing me, at last, to recognise and accept that knowledge that I have always had and denied. The knowing, perhaps, that we all have. The treatment, I decided, would be simple. Laser treatment to the affected area of a very specific nature. Lethal to the lesion but totally health giving to the surrounding tissue and designed to allow the cancer to drop out when dead. The beauty of the unconscious is that the intention is enough and instructions like "Well you know what I mean." are OK in your own mind because it DOES know what you mean. This means that education and intelligence have little importance when it comes to mental work on yourself. You know what you mean and have no need to define it. We can just do it. As an adjuvant therapy to the laser I used the chi kung inner smile technique (Bolstad, 1998) along with a golden glow which imbued all cells with health and removed any unhealthy cells. This was done from the inside. I even went along the blood vessel and found that the cancer did involve the vein and so ran a hot iron over the inside of the vein to stop any spread and any bleeding when the cancer dropped out. After a week of therapy I showed the cancer to a friend who is also an NLP practitioner and told him what I was doing. He was fascinated and looked forward to seeing the outcome. This came quickly. That lunch time I scratched some flaky skin at the site of the lesion and the whole thing came out, leaving a hole in the back of my hand and blood pouring from the ruptured vein. I asked it to stop and the flood reduced to a trickle which surprised Paddy who had seen the initial flow. With just a tissue pressed into the hole, the bleeding stopped within an hour. This was due to mental hot irons applied to the inside of the vein, to get a smooth finish and simple instructions to close the hole, now!!!. The healing was very quick and within a fortnight it was hard to see where the growth had been. It began healing very roughly so I used a mental furniture wood plane and sand paper to smooth off the surface and a healing laser, After a month, the function had returned to the vein and there was no scar. Had I not known that the growth was at the junction of two veins I would not have known where it was. After sunlight on my hand I think the spot is just discernible, but it may be my imagination. It is gone totally and I know now just how great our abilities are to achieve our desired goals. All three Doctors said that they must have misdiagnosed a solar keratosis. I don't think they did, but hey! I don't want to spoil their view of the world. Next time I'll get a biopsy done. I was not totally impressed to get a letter from the Company Doctor telling me that my blood count showed leukaemia and enclosed a letter from the Haematologist confirming this. After my success with the other I set to with a will and within a year have an abnormal blood count (consistent with huge viral infection ) but no sign of leukaemia. As I deal with orthodox medicine everyday it might be expected that I would follow only the medical model. Medicine has a lot to give, but it is my belief that it pales in comparison with the power of the mind and spirit and the two should be one anyway and not each side of a huge Abyss. I believe that we are only scratching the surface of our own capabilities and that the most promising area for research lies within our own minds, our own hearts, our own souls. Thank you to Me, Bella and Paddy for knowing I had to make a journey. Thank you to Richard and Margot for guiding me this far. A Giant leap of faith has me on both sides of the Abyss and the Abyss has disappeared. Postscript: 8 years later, Anthony‘s body remains cancer-free. He had the symptoms of leukaemia for a period of 5 years before this healing process. Bolstad, R. ―Recycling Emotions‖ p 41-47 in Anchor Point, Volume 12, No 6, 1998
Love and Healing Cancer © Dr Richard Bolstad and Master Practitioner Damian Peters From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
281
R. Most people know that I have a real interest in using NLP and energy-based processes to heal cancer. While such interventions are not guaranteed to heal every person, I believe its important to celebrate the extraordinary results that we can achieve with NLP and energy work. So Damian, I know you‘ve had some rather interesting experiences in working with people with cancer. I‘d like to give readers a couple of examples. One was the man who you first met in a wheelchair. D. Yes, he was a Samoan chap who was in a wheelchair when I first went to visit him in his home. He was in his home, he was living on his own, and I went to visit him as a volunteer from a hospice, which I had been working with for a while. And he started to ask me about some of the NLP work that I was doing and I explained it to him, and he said, ―Do you think it would help me?‖ I said, ―I am actually here with my hospice cap, rather than my counsellor‘s cap‖, so he said, ―Come back and see me with your counsellor‘s cap on.‖ So I went back a couple of days later and asked him ―Tell me about your history, basically give me a little bit about your background.‖ And it was interesting, because one of the first things that he said, was ―When I was at school I had to come home and do my homework and dad would always stand behind me and he would have big hands, and he was a big man, and every time I made a mistake he would just hit me over the head, and say ‗No you have done it wrong, do it again.‘ The message that I got, was: if you don‘t finish your education, you will never survive out there. If you don‘t finish your education, you will never get a job; if you don‘t finish your education…‖ and he started going on, and I said, ―Stop, stop, stop. That very first one; what was that one you said?‖ He said, ―If I don‘t finish my education I won‘t survive out there.‖ and then he stopped, and he looked at me, and suddenly clicked as to what he had said, and I said, ―When did you get cancer?‖ He said, ―When I was sixteen.‖ and I said, ―Did you finish your education?‖ He said, ―No, I had an argument with dad, I left home, left school, went flatting with some friends, and within three months I started getting dizzy spells, and blackouts and started going to the doctor, and he sent me into the hospital when they diagnosed me with cancer.‖ R.
What kind of cancer did he have?
D. A bone cancer; osteosarcoma I think. So he was 26 when I went to see him, and I met him for the first time, so this was ten years down the track. He had had cancer on and off, had gone into remission and it had come back again. This time it had come back with a vengeance and he was just riddled with it, and he was basically just on morphine and had booked into the hospice programme and was waiting to die. Waiting to die! So I spent three sessions with him, and each session was just reversing that message from his dad, that you don‘t need to have an education to survive or to be successful or to do anything in life. I started quoting to him all the various people that I could think of who had become very successful in their business, and had long lives and had never had an education. I used hypnotherapy, I used parts integration and I used Time Line Therapy®. R.
And you took him back as if there was a time when he had made a decision to have cancer?
D. No, I took him back to the time that he first heard that message from his dad that you needed to have an education to survive and we took away that whole message completely. R. And when you say you used parts integration, was that like that part of him wanted to live and and part of him was … D. No, it was the part of him that believed that you needed to have an education to survive and a part that didn‘t believe that you need to have an education to survive. R.
And the hypnotherapy would be relaxing him and making suggestions in the same way?
D. Yes, hypnotherapy was going in and showing the unconscious mind that you don‘t need education to live to survive; also to help to get rid of the pain, and using hypnotherapy to reverse the process of the cancer that was happening, so that it was going into remission and that the immune cells would actually start coming back with a vengeance and attacking the cancer cells. So that was really the main thrust of the hypnotherapy. And he had been given between six and twelve months to live. Within three months he was back on his feet, he was out of the wheelchair and he is now playing senior rugby league. R.
So that is a pretty incredible story isn‘t it? How long ago was that? From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
282
D.
Ah, two years ago, about two years ago. His parents thought I was God (laughing).
R.
So his parents heard about this, and did they talk to you?
D.
Yes, I spoke to his parents.
R.
Did you explain what the story was?
D.
No, I didn‘t because it involved his father, I didn‘t.
R.
So they were very appreciative.
D.
Basically I just told them that I had used hypnotherapy and NLP.
R. So this is a pretty amazing success story. So if you were to consider it from the perspective of other NLP practitioners when they read about it; is there anything else you can tell me about what made that work in that situation; for example was there any particular attitude of yours that might have encouraged success. D. Oh; there‘s an attitude, definitely. Yes, I think attitude is the basis of everything that I am doing at the moment: intent. If you are not coming with the right intention, then I don‘t believe that the techniques themselves will work. R.
So your intention in this case would have been to involve him….?
D. I am not sure if this is going to sound right in an article, but for me it comes from just the big meaning of the word ―love‖. If I have a love for myself and that soul, that spirit, that life force inside of me, then I can feel the connection with everybody else that I come into contact with, particularly my clients, and it is just like I feel the energy between us, and I become part of their energy, and impress a whole lot of positive intents towards them, no matter what technique I am doing, even if I am just talking to them. R.
So that was one extraordinary story, and I gather you had another example just the other day.
D. Yes. That was the same situation with a woman I saw just the other night, who also had cancer. I just had one session with her, which was a hypnotherapy session. Basically it was a two hour session; but very intense. She had leukemia and she had cancer of the liver and she was just racked with pain. After that one session, she rang me up that night about quarter past eleven, got my name out of the phone book, and said ―Look, I don‘t know what you have done, but I am just completely free of any pain, and that is the first time for months and months.‖ R. That is a remarkable story in terms of pain relief and it is suggestive also of remission. It would be interesting to find out if she is in remission now. D. Yes, it would be. She had a background too of being abused verbally and put down quite a lot emotionally, and didn‘t consider when she had happiness in her life she deserved it. She had just gone through a period of her life where things were really starting to come right. She had met somebody that she really felt for, who she thought was perhaps the person in her life who could be the person for the rest of her life. Everything was going really well; she was starting to make money, she had been promoted in her job, and all of a sudden she got cancer. The message that I got from her was that she didn‘t deserve to have these good things in her life, because that was the message that had been given to her from her past. So that is what we went in and changed, that is what I guided her into changing. R.
How did you do that? Did you focus on ending the pain?
D. There were four goals that we honed in on. One was certainly ending the pain, another was removing the tumor in the liver, another was getting the blood count back to a normal state (ie healing the leukemia). But the first one that we dealt with was changing that old belief so that she did deserve to have a long life, she did deserve to be able to enjoy and have a happy life. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
283
R.
So is that something that you just said to her as a kind of a reframe.
D. Yes. In fact she didn‘t talk at all. So I never really did any official NLP processes such as Time Line Therapy® or Parts Integration with her; just hypnotherapy. But she was really eager to do any more if she feels she needs them, so I said I would like to spend a couple more sessions with her. We will have to wait and see after the tests come back. R.
Is there anything else?
D. Nothing I can think of. I suppose if I‘m asked what is really important to me, it comes back to intent. If you have the kind of love and the feeling, not to just get a rapport with your client, but actually if you really become part of their world (it is really existentialism I suppose) becoming part of their whole world, their pain, and their cancer, and where they are and so on, and being part of that, talking with that kind of feeling, that energy that is full of positive intent. I feel as if I‘m doing the NLP processes with them, rather than merely directing them from outside. I often open my eyes slightly after they do, the involvement is so complete. I find all that is so strong; really exhausting, but really, really strong in effecting change. While the person has their eyes closed, I tend to hold one or both of my hands out in the direction of their body, where their physical problems are, and direct energy and love to them. It‘s the love that heals. R.
Thanks Damian.
A week after this interview, the woman described here had still had no pain. She went in at that point to have tests done, and had to wait another week to get the results. At that point her doctor phoned her up and told her she needed to have more tests, as the results had been rather puzzling. She was rather disappointed, because she felt so much better, and assumed that there must have been a turn for the worse in the results. But when she came in for the second lot of tests, the doctor told her ―Your blood count is almost normal. The tumor in the liver is just a slight rise; it has almost completely disappeared. I don‘t know what it is you‘ve been doing, but you are a very lucky woman.‖
The Miracle © Dr Richard Bolstad and NLP Practitioner Pauline Senior The Need For A Miracle -Richard Pauline Senior is an NLP Practitioner living in Wellington, New Zealand. She also works as a Bowen Therapist, and Herbalist. Amongst the stories of healing cancer which she told me in her recent interview, the process with her 40 year old sister Lynley stands out. Lynley faced three separate cancer challenges within the space of a couple of years. The first was bowel cancer, which her father had died of. Her bowel tumour had twice been measured at 7x4 centimetres size, at the time that Pauline found out about it and offered to work with her. Pauline encouraged Lynley to change her diet, begin doing meditation, and reframe the meaning of her experience dramatically. At the time of the surgery to remove it, Lynley's tumour had shrunk to 4x2 centimetres. Lynley would have been delighted, but in the meantime, doctors found and biopsied breast cancer. Pauline encouraged Lynley to have minimal surgical intervention in both cases. Lynley declined the insistent offer of chemotherapy in each situation. They set about doing NLP work together over the phone (Lynley lived in Australia, Pauline in New Zealand). Both of them believe that the turning point came when Pauline applied an unexpected tactic -the Solution Focused "miracle question". Pauline takes up the story from here: Pauline Explains The Miracle I had the article on NLP and the Solution Focused approach, by Te Ruru [Te Ruru "Specifying The Miracle:Integrating Solution Focused Approaches With NLP" p 23-32 in Anchor Point Volume 12, Number 3, March 1998]. I did an abbreviated version of the process he recommends with my sister, over the phone. By this time I had already done Time Line Therapy™ and things like that and we had set up some resource anchors. I sat down and I said "OK; what you need now, the next step for you, is just a miracle." From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
284
And she said, "Oh well, bully for you, where is that going to come from?" I said, "Well, I can give you the miracle that you need. I will tell you how to take yourself through the sequence." What I didn‘t do though (and in hindsight if anybody tries it on the phone line, this is important) is to make sure that there is a partner nearby that can be there just to support her. Anyway she was upstairs in the house, and I set her out with two chairs, and I started guiding her through the sequence. I have her sitting as she is today, and she has this problem that she wants to be rid of. I ask her what she is hearing, what she is feeling, what she sees, what she thinks when looks at herself, how her family is seeing her behaviour, what she is hearing from the doctors and so on. And then I just got her to imagine that she had gone off to bed this night and a miracle had happened. When she wakes in the morning, she doesn‘t realise it yet, but the miracle has happened and she is now free of her cancer. I point out that there is another Lynley now sitting beside her in this other chair, who is that miracle person that has been through the experience. I get her to then look at this other person, and say what she notices that indicates to her that this person has experienced the miracle. That took quite a long time because she was obviously seeing things that she really wanted, and it was quite an emotional time for her. I went through once again what the family would be noticing about this other person, how or whether or not the doctors would notice changes in this person, how good the results would be when they came back in, and I really spent a lot of time focusing on every aspect that seemed important to her. Then I said, "Right, now is your chance to be the miracle person". So I put her in the other chair, and then we went through the same sequence of how she felt, and how does it feel to be knowing that has changed. While she was in the miracle person, then I got her to turn back to the original Lynley and go through telling her what strengths that she has, and hasn‘t acknowledged and is not using, and what it feels like to be this changed person. Once again, it took a considerable time to get through all the issues. What she needs to do, what her first step is, what she needs extra work on. She identified that she needed to make up the relationship with mum, and sort out a few things, let go of the farm, and so on. She needed to remember that she has got a wonderful life in Perth and she doesn‘t need the farm, and it is not financially viable anyway, and all this sort of stuff. So she actually really went through a lifetime of issues. And then came the time for me to get her to come back to the original her, and that is when she just released everything, emotionally. So here I was sitting in Waikanae, New Zealand, and she was in Perth, Australia, and just absolutely out of control, absolutely broken down, and screaming and saying, "I want to stay here, I don‘t want to go back to that horrible life that she had, I don‘t want to go back into those issues, this feels too nice to leave, don‘t tell me to go back!" And I said, "You must go back, you have now got more knowledge than you have ever had before. The issues are changing for you and you know what you have to do. It is safe to go back." She just couldn‘t do it, so the only option I had was to get her to stand up and go down and get her husband who, thankfully, was at home. He came up and I actually put him on the phone and just said to him that he needed to comfort her, and to assist her. He needed to reassure her that he was not only witnessing the change that she had gone through now, and this was great, but also that it was OK to go back to this because the change to the new Lynley would be much more rapid if she did. He told her he was there to support her, and he would come up with any money that she needed to assist with whatever she needed to do, because there were all these financial issues over the cost of the house, and payment for treatments. And so finally, he convinced her to take the seat. I could actually hear her breathing shift; there was just these huge sighs as though it just didn‘t feel so bad after all, and then she calmed down. He got on the phone and said, "Well, where do we go from here?" and I said, "Well, she knows what she has to do. Do what you have promised to do for her, and be there, and just understand what she is going through, don‘t challenge what she is coming up with." So she went off and had the lump removed out of the breast, and they did biopsies on the tissue they removed and came back and said there were no cancer cells. There was no cancer there anymore. But the other really interesting thing I want to tell you about is a side issue which shows you what has been happening at a higher level with her. This is an odd thing. For the whole time that she has lived in Perth, Lynley has always struck red traffic lights, and it has become a family joke that if Lynley was to pick you up from the airport, you'd think "God I hope she allows another 20 minutes because the red lights will make her late." and even just going a ten minutes drive to her husband‘s work, it takes her another five minutes longer. When I was over for her 40th birthday, I said, "You are so clever to make all those lights red." and she said, "It has got nothing to do with me." I said, "Of course it has. I can‘t make them red. Let me drive your car and I will show From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
285
you." So I got in the car and I am driving through Perth and there is green and there a couple of reds, but most of them are green. And then we swap over, and they were red, red, red, red, so I said, "See, you can change that, but just work out how well you make them red, and then decide that today we are not going to see red, we are going to see green." She was saying, "Oh, it has not nothing to do with that, you can‘t control the traffic lights." But once she got the report back after the breast lump was removed, she rang up and she said, "There is something else you need to know. All the traffic lights are green." Now she has been in Perth for 14 years, so I said, "Excellent, you know this is just what we are really wanting to hear." This is yet another confirmation for what she has gone through. She has got two young children and one of them invited a new boy to the school home after school. The children were so excited about these green traffic lights, because now they are home from school five minutes earlier. They would be driving along, and they would go "Yeah mum, another green traffic light." and this little boy who was a friend kept looking at them and sort of thinking, "My God these kids are so hard up for fun that the green traffic light is exciting." So she said to him, "Just don‘t worry about the green traffic lights. All my life that I have been living in Perth, or for all the time I have been in Perth, they have always been red, and now they have suddenly turned to green." This little boy had never met her before, and so he didn‘t know her health history, and he said, "Well that just goes to show then doesn‘t it: the God of light is shining on you." In response she just had this huge emotional release, and she went home and she got a whiteboard pen and wrote ―The God of Light is shining on me‖ across the fridge door. But Wait; There's More! -Richard No sooner had Lynley finished celebrating this victory than she faced her third and final cancer challenge. A cervical smear and a cone biopsy showed that she had cervical cancer. Doctors recommended a hysterectomy. Once again, Lynley opted for Pauline's approach. She went over to New Zealand and did some Time Line Therapy™ and submodality work. She also did a weekend course in chi kung, and some Bowen work (the Bowen technique is a very gentle bodywork process). Pauline continued to stack their conversations with reframes and encouraged Lynley to add more humour to her life. Finally, Lynley was feeling so much more confident that she told her doctors she would not have the hysterectomy. Remembering her experience with the breast cancer, this time she asked for another biopsy to check whether there was any need for surgery. This cone biopsy was completely negative. Her cervix was perfectly healthy. Lynley continues to do chi kung every day, and to maintain her healthy diet. And she keeps on getting those green lights. I asked Pauline whether there was anything in her approach that she thought was important in assisting people like Lynley to heal. Her concluding comments are: Hell-bent On A Miracle In a lot of the work that I do, it is like I am hell bent on making a change; it is like I don‘t care where this information comes from sometimes, as long as it works. I've used the Miracle process with several other people with cancer and other tumours. I use it in conjunction with hypnotherapy, Time Line Therapy™, anchoring, the Bowen technique, and my other complementary medicine. My sister and I have talked about writing up this story as a book. Because it really is a story of a miracle.
Healing Cancer: When Cure Doesn't Happen © Dr Richard Bolstad
What Went Wrong With Mr Wright? Psychologist Bruno Klopfer (1957) provided an extraordinary example of success and ―failure‖ in the story of an American cancer patient named Mr. Wright. Mr. Wright had a extremely advanced lymphosarcoma; a cancer which had spread via the lymph system through his whole body, and he convinced Dr Klopfer to enrol him in trials of an experimental new anti-cancer drug called Krebiozen. The result was miraculous. In a few days the orange-sized tumours, which had spread through his body, were half the size, and after ten days, Mr. Wright was well enough to fly home from the hospital, piloting his own plane.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
286
However after two months of perfect health, Mr. Wright read the newspaper reports on the Krebiozen treatments. The tests were a failure; Krebiozen had no measurable effect. In a few days the tumours had regrown and Mr. Wright was again given only weeks to live. At this point, Dr Klopfer decided to experiment. He told Mr. Wright that the original tests were done with poor quality Krebiozen, and a new super-refined, double strength product was now available. He then began a series of injections of "super Krebiozen" (really using pure water). Mr. Wright‘s second recovery was even faster. Again, he flew away, symptom-free. His beliefs had cured him. Tragically, the final research results on Krebiozen were made public by the American Medical Association two months later. They declared the drug ―Worthless‖. Within a few days Mr Wright was readmitted with new tumours, and he died only two days later. Margot's Story This sad story is not quite so unusual as one might think. My partner Margot Hamblett had a very similar experience. Margot was herself an NLP trainer and teacher of Chi Kung. NLP is the study of success, and there is a remarkable story of success revealed in the details of the cancer from which Margot ultimately died. Margot was diagnosed with a fast growing breast cancer in June 1999, and commenced using NLP based processes and Chinese Chi Kung (a series of meditative tai-chi like exercises; see Bolstad and Hamblett, 2001) alongside her orthodox medical treatment. She gave herself six weeks to make a difference with her complementary methods before her initial surgery. During this time, according to the surgeons‘ estimate, her tumour reduced in size from 1.5 centimetres diameter to 1 centimetre (unusual for a ―fast growing tumour‖). However, Margot felt that surgery was the safe approach, and went ahead with that. The tumour was removed safely with good margins, and none of her lymph nodes checked had metastases. After the surgery, her oncologist warned her that surgery frequently led to sudden growth in tumours elsewhere. Within three weeks of the surgery, a very large area of lumpiness (later diagnosed as a new cancer) emerged throughout her breast, along with a raised lymph node near her armpit. She then commenced doing Chi Kung far more seriously (six hours a day), and after two months had eliminated the lumpiness and (to her oncologist‘s surprise) reduced the size of the lymph node. At this point, Margot reduced the amount of Chi Kung she was doing to one hour a day (the minimum recommended by its developers was three hours a day). Within a month the lumpiness had returned along with another tumour in her lower breast. Again, she agreed to surgery, and had a mastectomy and radiotherapy. This time, however, the surgery results were not good –the tumour already extended beyond the breast area into the chest wall muscles, and was not fully removed. Her oncologist explained that this was, in his opinion, incurable. Margot continued to use both NLP and Chi kung. She took advantage of the excellent audiotapes put out by Suzi Smith (Smith, 1999) and worked through processes designed for her by a number of NLP trainers, including Lynn Timpany, John Grinder and myself. Over the next four months, a collection of swollen lymph nodes emerged on Margot‘s neck and upper chest. These had reached walnut size and were associated with considerable pain by the time (September 17 th, 2000) she decided to begin doing six hours of Chi Kung a day once more. Doing this was quite tiring because Margot had been losing weight since the surgery, and was taking large doses of opiate pain killers for back and chest pain. But amazingly, by September 18th, one day after starting her new regimen, all Margot‘s pain had gone and she stopped taking the pain killers. By September 22nd Margot wrote in her diary ―I feel great; happy, optimistic and energetic.‖ Two days later, she was feeling ―waves of love and happiness‖ while she did the Chi Kung, and the lumps in her neck and chest had begun to shrink. She had trouble finding them anymore, as they were the size of apple pips. She began to put on weight. In one week she had produced a dramatic turnaround in her cancer. Sadly, a reverse turning point seemed to occur on September 26 th, when Margot began to get new chest pain, and decided to reduce the intensity of the Chi Kung she was doing (while continuing with the same amount of time each day). A day later she reported feeling ―miserable‖ until after doing some more energetic Chi Kung. On Friday September 30th, Margot left for Chi Kung training in China. By the time she arrived there, the lymph nodes had actually grown larger again. Despite continuing to do three to four hours of chi kung, as well as a lot of NLP based change work, Margot‘s condition did not improve markedly, and in December she began to feel much weaker and found larger areas of metastasis in her upper chest. She died of heart failure on February 6 th after a brief period when, again, she had no pain and her tumours seemed to be getting smaller.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
287
The Questions: Why or How? The story of Mr Wright, and the story of Margot, both raise a number of questions. Firstly, did these people manage to partially heal themselves of fast growing cancers in a matter of days? Oncologists sometimes explain such spontaneous remissions as a result of random fluctuations in immune response. Were these changes just aberrations in the inevitable progression of their disease, or were they actual healing which, if continued, could have saved their lives? On the other hand, if these changes were actually immune responses generated by the person themselves, partially as a result of a deep shift in attitude, why was each person so easily drawn back into the belief that they were unable to control their cancer? Both of these people very much wanted to live, and both were in an excellent position to realise that their expectations shaped their results. What went wrong? In the story of Patricia Dilts, the answer seems a little easier to find. Diagnosed with breast cancer in January 1978, she had a widespread recurrence in 1982. At this time her son, NLP trainer Robert Dilts, worked with her in the process made famous through his book Beliefs (Dilts, Hallbom and Smith, 1990, p 1-2). Instead of dying over the next months, as her doctors had predicted, Patricia Dilts lived the next twelve years essentially cancerfree. She then developed further symptoms of metastasis, and agreed to chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Weakened by the treatments as much as by the disease, she died on December 3 rd, 1995. Robert Dilts says ―In a way it was as if she had made some kind of deep decision regarding her death and was unresponsive to suggestions and interventions that had been effective in the past. While I am naturally saddened and confused about why her death came at this time, I must accept her own explanation that she was finished with what she needed to do and was ready to be reunited with my father (who passed away ten years previously).‖ (Dilts, 1996, p 29). In the case of my partner Margot, her waning ―faith‖ in her own ability was painful to watch. Each of the healers and NLP change agents working with her recognised it as the key issue to be resolved. But Margot did not, consciously, intend to die. Up until the actual day it happened, she did not even expect to die. Over the last two years she had met many people who had healed cancer and survived, and she wanted to be counted amongst them. Our friend and Chilel (Zhineng Chi Kung) teacher, Luke Chan, commented after Margot‘s death ―Why can't we heal everything? On a more personal level, why can't I heal my own bad eyesight (I wear glasses)? I have met a few people whose eyesight has been restored by practicing Chilel. So I know Chilel is good for the eyes. Is it because "wearing glasses is socially acceptable" so I have no desire to heal? … But we can only guess. There are so many factors involved that we can't actually pinpoint it to one thing. So instead of focusing on why, we should focus on how.‖ (Chan, 2001) Following this suggestion to focus on how people actually heal, when they do, Luke gives a personal example. A while ago, he developed a medically untreatable deafness in one ear, despite doing Chi Kung daily. However, after deciding that eventually his ear would heal, he simply continued his exercises. In fact, some months later, his hearing suddenly and inexplicably cleared, as he had expected. My hope is that by allowing Margot, Anthony, Garth, Pauline and Damian to tell you something of their success in their own words, you can begin to understand more fully what actually works in cancer treatment. They tell a story which goes beyond the research data. A story of love and joy and affirmation of life. In her diary, on September 26th 2000. Margot wrote ―Yesterday afternoon I felt waves of love and happiness…. At times I feel so loved and loving; that love is so abundant.‖ Written at a time of sudden, dramatic remission, this is a clue. My hope is that you will use it, not just to heal others, but to heal yourself. Bibliography: Bolstad, R. and Hamblett, M. Pro-fusion: Creating A Life Of Abundance With Neuro Linguistic Programming And Energy Work Transformations, Christchurch, 2001 Dilts, R. ―Mental Maps, ‗Thought Viruses‘ And Health‖ p 28-35 in Anchor Point, Vol 10, No. 3, March 1996 Dilts, R., Hallbom, T. and Smith, S. Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well-being Metamorphous, Portland, Oregon, 1990 Hamblett, M. and Bolstad, R. "Healing Cancer" p 9-11 in Anchor Point, Vol 14, No. 7, July 2000 Klopfer, B. ―Mr Wright and Krebiozen‖ Journal of Projective Techniques, 1957, Vol 21 p 331-340 Smith, S. Communicating With Your Symptoms (Part One and Part Two) audiotapes from Anchor Point Productions, Salt Lake City, 1999 From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
288
Thornton, G. ―The Cores in Session‖ p 12-14 in Anchor Point, Volume 14, No. 7, July 2000 Wightman, A. ―Cancer, the Mind, Science and the Abyss‖ p 15-16 in Anchor Point, Volume 14, No. 7, July 2000
The Fast Allergy Relief Process -From Robert Dilts1.
Resourceful state.
2.
Establish rapport.
3.
Identify the allergic response and the allergen. Check medical safety. May need to discuss with their doctor, or arrange for her/him to be present. (see below re anaphylactic shock)
4.
Pretest: Have the person remember being in the allergic situation and describe it. Notice physiology, and have them rate their current response on a scale of 1-10, compared to usual variation.
5.
Preframe: allergies are phobias of the immune system. The person‘s ―dial‖ has been preset (by accidental genetic or environmental processes) higher that the level they can most effectively use it at.
6.
Check ecology. (a) What is objectionable about the allergen? May use Time Line Therapy™, to clear the root cause. (b) What would change if you gave up this forever? May use parts integration.
7.
Find a counter-example. Something similar but not allergy producing. As they describe that thing, begin using a kinesthetic anchor. Hold this down till final step continuously.
8.
Dissociated Learning: Put a huge sheet of clear plastic/glass/plexiglass across the entire room and have the client see themself on the other side, with their immune system responding appropriately (as for the counter example).
9.
Introduce slowly a small quantity of the allergen to the imaginary client. Have the real client see themself responding safely to the ―allergen‖. There may be a physiological shift.
10.
Reassociate and Test. Have the plexiglass disappear and tell the person to ―reach out and bring that other you you see in front of you back into you, so you can gain their knowledge of how to respond appropriately to that thing. Now that your immune system knows how to respond safely, imagine that thing being here with you, and be aware what its like to have the ability to respond appropriately. You can have a sense of appreciation that your immune system has learned something so important so quickly, and enjoy your new response.‖ Observe for physiological shift. At times the old immune response will begin to occur, then collapse with the anchored learning. You may futurepace with the anchor on, first.
11.
Test without the anchor. Futurepace.
Caution! Anaphylactic Shock is a life threatening allergic response. If someone has had previous experience of a serious allergic reaction, we recommend that you use this process with medical supervision. Symptoms of Anaphylactic Shock: warmth, itchy palms/soles, hoarseness, difficulty swallowing, difficulty breathing, constriction in throat, feeling of impending doom, raised pulse rate, sweating, tight chest. This can lead to respiratory failure in minutes or hours.Treatment for anaphylactic shock: Lie the person down with the head lower. Medical treatment is aimed at keeping the airway open, giving oxygen, intravenous fluids, adrenaline. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
289
NLP In Education: Teaching To The Right Sense An Introduction To NLP In Teaching © Dr Richard Bolstad
Teachers need more than knowledge of their subject! From the 1950s to the 1980s, psychologist Virginia Satir was one of the most influential developers in the new field of Human Relationships. Often called the grandmother of Family Therapy, Satir assisted thousands of married couples and families to resolve old conflicts and create a more enjoyable life together. In her field, she was an expert, but Satir had one problem - she couldn‘t teach what she did to others. Hundreds of people trained with her, but when they left her seminars, they were usually unable to copy what she had done. One day Satir was demonstrating in front of a group of student psychotherapists. She stopped talking to the couple she was working with, and asked if any of her students could carry on, using her methods. On by one, students tried to help the couple, but none of them seemed to know how Virginia chose what to say. At the back of the room, a young man was tape recording the training session. He was Richard Bandler, a computer programmer and a graduate student of linguistics at the University of California, and he had no training in psychology. Finally, after Satir‘s students had failed, Bandler came to the front of the room and offered to talk to the couple. Amazingly, he seemed to know exactly how Virginia was constructing her questions and suggestions to the couple. Listening to him was like listening to her. The psychotherapists were puzzled. Who was this young man, and how had he learned Satir‘s method so precisely? In 1976 Richard Bandler and Professor of Linguistics John Grinder wrote the first of several books explaining their discoveries about communication, human change, and teaching. Their first book, called ―The Structure of Magic‖ (Bandler and Grinder, 1975) explained that by understanding the inner ―languages‖ of the brain (neurolinguistics) anyone could learn to achieve the excellent results of the most expert communicators, teachers and therapists. Before publication, Bandler and Grinder showed the transcripts of their books to the experts whose skills they had ―modelled‖, people like medical doctor/hypnotherapist Milton Erickson, anthropologist Gregory Bateson, and of course Virginia Satir. Satir‘s comments, which I will quote from later, convey the excitement which teachers around the world have been reporting ever since, as they learn the ―structure of the magic‖ of Neuro Linguistic Programming. What NLP Offers Teachers For teachers, NLP offers three important benefits. Firstly, it provides a new model of how people learn. NLP‘s precise understanding of the way the brain works can be compared to a computer ―User‘s Manual‖. Without the manual, you know that the computer has a vast memory and can do amazing things. If you play around with it eventually you‘ll manage to stumble on some of those things. But with the manual, you can choose exactly what you want to do, and have the computer do it perfectly every time. In NLP, we know the programs (or ―strategies‖ to use the NLP term) which naturally excellent learners have accidentally stumbled on: the strategy perfect spellers use to memorise words; the strategy enthusiastic readers use to speed read their books in a fraction of the time, and so on. Secondly, though, human beings are more than computers. Learning and creativity work best when the student‘s mind is free from distraction, when it has an almost meditative calmness and alertness. Research shows that having students relax at the start of each teaching session will increase their learning by 25%. (Jenson, 1994, p. 178). NLP delivers us some remarkable new ways to get students quickly into that state. If NLP only provided these powerful new ways for students to learn, it would already deserve it‘s place at the centre of the learning revolution. But NLP also provides a whole new model of what teaching is, of how the most effective teachers are able to create a sense of ―rapport‖ with their students, motivate them, and inspire them to achieve their best. In a world where the teacher competes for students‘ attention with television, video games and popular culture, that is no small achievement. NLP shows you how to utilise your every move, and your every word so that they support you in getting your students to believe in and be hungry for learning.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
290
NLP is not one technique; it is a field generating hundreds of techniques, and the framework that makes sense of them. This chapter gives just a sample of the ideas you can take advantage of in teaching. With these basic concepts, the rest of the book, on NLP Training, will be accessible. We strongly recommend getting reputable NLP training experience to support you in actually using these techniques successfully. Making Sense of Learning Here is a simple experiment which explains the NLP model of how your neurology (or to use less formal language, your ―brain‖) works ... Think of a fresh lemon. Imagine one in front of you now, and feel what it feels like as you pick it up. Take a knife and cut a slice off the lemon, and hear the slight sound as the juice squirts out. Smell the lemon as you lift the slice to your mouth and take a bite of the slice. Taste the sharp taste of the fruit. If you actually imagined doing that, you mouth is now salivating. Why? Because your brain followed your instructions and thought about, saw, heard, felt, smelled and tasted the lemon. Your brain treated the imaginary lemon as if it was real, and prepared saliva to digest it. Seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling and tasting are the natural ―languages‖ of your neurology. When you use these languages, your neurology treats what you‘re thinking about as ―real‖. In the past, some teachers thought that learning was just a matter of ―thinking‖ about the subject, of using words. But when students learn, they are using the five basic senses, as well as the sixth language of the brain - words. In NLP the six languages of the brain are called: Visual Auditory Kinesthetic Olfactory Gustatory Auditory digital
(seeing pictures or images) (hearing sounds) (feeling body sensations) (smelling fragrances) (tasting flavours) (thinking in words or concepts)
Some students do a lot of thinking in words (auditory digital). They want to know the ―information‖ you‘re telling them. But for other students, being able to ―picture‖ what you‘re showing them (visual) is more important. Others will want to ―tune in to the main themes‖ behind your words (auditory) or ―come to grips with‖ the lesson and ―work through‖ some examples‖ (kinesthetic). If you listen to the words students use, they will actually tell you which is their favourite sensory system for representing their learning in (called in NLP their preferred Representational System). Effective teachers learn to ―speak in each of the representational systems‖. (Bolstad and Hamblett, 1998, p 124-125). NLP gives you a number of ways to reach the learners you have in your classroom. If there are some of your students who just don‘t seem to learn, you may not be teaching to the sense they think in most. For example, to reach visual learners, you may want to write words up on the board, and draw more diagrams. To reach auditory learners, you may choose more discussions and use music. Kinesthetic learners like to move around (you‘ve probably noticed them in the class already), and they will appreciate your use of activities like role plays. You can adjust your language to match each of the main senses (if you don‘t see the point of this, you may not have been picking up a key way to get on the same wavelength as your more challenging students). When you use all these main three senses in your classroom teaching, your students brains will be far more fully activated. They will thirst for your teaching just as your mouth watered for that lemon. The Right Sense For The Job How do polyglots (people who speak a number of different languages fluently) remember which of a dozen languages each word comes from? Is it magic? In the past many people have assumed that there might be something different in the polyglot‘s neurology; something that made them naturally more able to keep each language separate. Actually, NLP studies (Dilts and Epstein, 1995, p. 222) show that polyglots are paying special attention to their auditory and kinesthetic sensory systems. They use a different tone of voice and different set of body postures for each language. Someone who only uses their visual system (and tries to
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
291
picture each word they say, as if it is written down) will not find it as easy to become fluent in multiple languages. Just as the Windows software program can be installed in any compatible computer, so the ―strategy‖ that polyglots use can actually be installed in any other person. If it‘s possible in one person‘s neurology, it‘s possible in anyone‘s. All we need to know is exactly which sensory distinctions the first person uses, and in which sequence. To ―install‖ a new strategy, NLP uses a series of groundbreaking discoveries about what happens when a person uses each sensory system. For example, we use the fact that a person‘s eyes move differently depending on which sense they are getting information from. Just how easily a new learning strategy can be installed is shown by a piece of research done at the University of Moncton in Canada. (Dilts and Epstein, 1995, p. 409). Here four groups of pretested average spellers were given the same spelling test (using made up nonsense words they had not seen before). Each group had different instructions.
Group A was simply told to learn the words. Group B was told to visualise the words as method of learning them.The two other groups were told to look in a certain direction while they visualised. Group C was told to look up to the left (an eye position which NLP claims will help visual memory). Group D were told to look down to the right (an eye position which NLP claims will help feeling kinesthetically, but may hinder visualising).
Group A scored the same as their pretest. Group B scored 10% better. Group C scored 20-25% better. Group D scored 15% worse! This study supports two NLP claims: a) the eye position a learner uses decides which sensory system they can effectively process information in; and b) Visual recall is the best sensory system for learning spelling in English. Even more exciting, it demonstrates that students can be successfully taught (in 5 minutes) to use the most effective sensory strategy. For a kinesthetic learner who had been a poor speller, this would result in an instant improvement of 35-40%. Interestingly, in a final test some time later (testing retention), the scores of Group C remained constant, while the scores of the control group, Group A, plummeted a further 15%, a drop which was consistent with standard learning studies. The final difference in memory of the words for these two groups was 61% . In the same way, any learning strategy can be ―modelled‖ from expert learners and taught to others in a minimum of time. The State Where Learning Naturally Occurs Research bears out the belief of accelerated learning experts that students‘ ability to memorise new information is increased by over 25% simply by having them enter a relaxed state (e.g. Jensen, 1994, p. 178). Learning new information is not so much a result of studious concentration by the conscious mind, as it is a result of relaxed almost unconscious attention. Children learn nursery rhymes and television commercial songs, not by studying them consciously, but by just relaxing while they are sung. You ride a bike, not by thinking about your balance at each moment, but by trusting your unconscious responses. What NLP offers the teacher is the skill to quickly and unobtrusively invite students into this relaxed state. The NLP skills which achieve this were modelled from Hypnotherapist Milton Erickson. They are similar to the techniques developed in Suggestopaedia from Hypnotherapist Georgi Lozanov. An NLP practitioner learns to talk in such a way that students relax, without having to use formal relaxation techniques (―You are getting more and more relaxed; your toes are relaxed, your feet are relaxed ...‖ etc). The result is like switching your students‘ memories into top gear within minutes of them walking into the room (see Bolstad and Hamblett, 1998, p 27-28 for an example of this relaxation process). One of the key ways NLP uses to get your students into a learning state of mind is anchoring. Here‘s an example of what I mean by anchoring. Sometimes when you‘re listening to the radio, you hear a song you haven‘t heard for many years, a song that was a favourite of yours back then. When you hear it, all the feeling of what it was like back then may come back to you; even the sound of old voices and the image of those favourite places may re-emerge. The song has ―anchored‖ you back into that ―state‖. In the same way, if you From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
292
revisit your old school, it will anchor you back to the feeling of being at that school (not always as positive as the song!). Once you understand this process, you can design powerful anchors which instantly get your students feeling confident, curious and eager to learn. Even playing the same tune at the start of each of your classes will help to get your students quickly into the mind-set for your subject (Bolstad and Hamblett, 1998, p 24-25). Communicating Your Enthusiasm For Learning Earlier this century, successful salespeople were considered to have a sort of inexplicable charisma, a personal magnetism that made others buy from them. We now know that this charisma can be taught. When new executives learn the body language, and speech patterns of expert salespeople, their own sales begin to rise. In the past, these kind of skills have not been available to teachers. My belief as an NLP Trainer is that teachers have even more right to be skilled at motivating people than sales staff. Just as no modern company would leave its sales staff untrained in this area, no school can afford not to teach its teachers how to motivate students. In a sense, we are salespeople for the future. The life we and our children will enjoy, depends on our ability to inspire and enthuse them with a love of learning. NLP is continuously developing and expanding new teaching techniques such as metaphor, positional and music-based anchoring, and mind maps. But NLP is much more than ―The most important communications toolbox of the decade‖. (Jensen, 1994). It is a whole new way of thinking about teaching in particular, and communication in general. In this new way, teaching is a process of ―building rapport and then leading‖ (Bolstad and Hamblett, 1998, p68-72). Rapport is the feeling of shared understanding that good friends and business colleagues sometimes build. It results in a genuine eagerness to co-operate and follow each others lead. If you remember a time when you really admired a teacher and had fun in her/his class, you know the feeling of rapport. You probably became interested in the things your teacher was interested in, and were highly motivated to follow their suggestions. Rapport is created by matching your students‘ behaviour. That means doing activities together with them, using examples that are already interesting to them, using their preferred sensory system when you teach them, using similar gestures and body positions to them, adjusting your voice to a similar speed and tone, even breathing in time with them. If these things seem a little strange at first, notice that you do them naturally with your own close friends. Wherever people build rapport, they match each others‘ behaviour. Leading is the process of inviting students to follow your suggestions. If you have rapport, students will do this easily. Once, teachers would have said that students who don‘t follow their suggestions were ―resistant‖ or ―disobedient‖. It makes more sense to realise that when students don‘t follow your leading, it just means they aren‘t enough in rapport with you yet. That‘s something you can change, when you learn NLP rapport skills. Successful teachers are also good at using their language to elegantly invite students to learn and change. When we study skilled teachers, we find them using their language with care to create the kind of internal representations (pictures/sounds/feelings etc) they want their students to have. In order to understand what you say, your students make internal representations of your words. Here‘s an example. If I say to you ―Don‘t think of a juicy lemon!‖, in order to understand my sentence, you first make an internal representation of a juicy lemon. If I add ―... and don‘t taste the tang of that lemon now!‖ your mouth may begin to water -even though I told you not to. When teachers say ―Don‘t forget to do your homework!‖, students have to imagine forgetting it. Their brain is thus more likely to forget. If you want to suggest that your students do their homework, the thing to say is not ―Don‘t forget ...‖, it‘s ―Remember your homework.‖ Skilled teachers structure their every word so that it produces the representation they want their students to have. This art, called ―Suggestion‖ in hypnosis, is very powerful. I wouldn‘t want to suggest that you want to learn about suggestion now though, because you can do that when you read the rest of this book.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
293
Reframing (changing the meaning of an experience by describing it differently) and metaphor (telling stories to offer students new choices) are other examples of how skilled teachers use their language to have students create useful internal representations (O‘Connor and Seymour, 1994, p.; 182). For example, many students believe that the more mistakes they make, the worse their learning is. As a metaphor, I often tell them about Thomas Edison, who tried 10,000 different materials before finding the one that would make an electric light work. He said that this was the real key to his brilliant invention; that he was willing to find 9,999 things that didn‘t make a light go. Mistakes are the secret of genius! (That last sentence is a ―reframe‖. It changes the meaning of ―mistakes‖). Metaprograms In building rapport, as we mentioned, you match the behaviours and thinking styles of your students. Different ―styles‖ of processing information are called metaprograms in NLP, because they are the programs that run other programs in the brain. One example we‘ve discussed already is the metaprogram of sensory preference (whether a student prefers to think in visual, auditory or kinesthetic). This ―metaprogram‖ decides which more specific learning programs (strategies) the person is likely to use. Another metaprogram which is essential to understand in terms of teaching is the preference for details and specific facts versus the preference for overviews and generalisations. Some students find it easier to think in more general terms (to ―chunk up‖ in NLP jargon). Some find it easier to deal with specific facts and examples (to ―chunk down‖). If you start teaching details to a student who chunks up, they‘ll be frustrated because they don‘t know ―where this fits in the big picture‖. If you only teach in general concepts, the person who chunks down will have difficulty understanding what specifically they are supposed to do with all these general ideas. Successful teachers, of course, have the flexibility to shift from overview to detail, from concept to example, and back again. They can match each metaprogram, as needed. Multiple Perspectives One of the fundamental ideas of NLP is that it can be useful to consider any event from different perspectives. Different perspectives change the meaning of an event (reframe it). For example, when a student says ―I can‘t learn the writing methods they teach us at school.‖ NLP trainer Robert Dilts points out that you could respond to this at a number of different ―neurological levels‖ depending on which word or phrase in the sentence you attend to. 1) The final phrase ―…they teach us at school.‖ refers to the Environment where the problem happens. One way to create change is to change the environment (eg by finding a different teacher or a different school). Often this is the first level of change that students want to try. 2) The phrase ―…the writing methods…‖ refers to the specific Behaviours which the student is unable to do. Change can be created at this level (eg by showing the student how to do those specific writing methods). Often this is the first level of change that teachers want to try. 3) The word ―…learn…‖ refers to the Capabilities which the student would need in order to solve the problem. More profound change can be achieved at this level (eg by showing the student new learning strategies). 4) The word ―…can‘t…‖ refers to the level of Beliefs and Values. It would be the same if the student said ―I don‘t want to learn the writing methods they teach us at school.‖ ―…don‘t want to…‖ is a Beliefs and Values level issue. Fundamental changes can occur for students when they resolve issues at this level (eg by changing their beliefs about what is possible). 5) The deepest level in the statement is the level of the word ―I…‖, the level of Identity. At this level, change can occur by giving the student a new experience of who they are as a person (eg the experience of themselves as a good learner). Many of our attempts to get students to change do not work because change needs to occur at this much more profound level. Another NLP model for thinking about different perspectives is the model of Perceptual Positions. NLP codeveloper John Grinder points out that in an interaction between myself as the teacher, and a student, I can consider the interaction in three ways. 4) I can stay ―in my own body‖, listening through my own ears and looking through my own eyes. This is called First Perceptual Position. It gives me useful information about my own opinions and choices. As a From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
294
teacher, if I just ―go with my students‘ ideas‖ then I become unassertive, and I am unable to convey the understandings that I have. I need to be able to use First Position because often I have important information that my students do not. 5) I can, in my imagination, step into the other person‘s body, and listen through their ears, and look through their eyes. This Second Perceptual Position gives me more information about the effects of my actions on the student. It also gives me a sense of where they are coming from. If I only used First Position, I would not notice whether they understood me; I‘d be preoccupied with my own fascination with the subject. As a teacher, Second Position helps me to know how to effectively explain things so that they make sense to this particular student, with their current level of knowledge. 6) I can, in my imagination, step out of my body to a neutral spot, separate from both the student and myself. This Third Perceptual Position gives me valuable information about the system of interaction between the student and myself. I don‘t get caught up in conflicts or misunderstandings so easily here. As a teacher, I can monitor our relationship, the class ―climate‖ and the consequences of my actions more objectively from here. NLP: A New Field and A Tool For Our Profession As you read the above descriptions, you may have thought ―Well, I already do some of that‖. That‘s part of why NLP is so powerful. NLP will help you to identify what you already do well, so you can repeat it even with the most difficult students, and the most challenging subject matter. And that‘s why Virginia Satir, one of the first teachers studied by NLP, said in her foreword to ―The Structure of Magic‖ (Bandler and Grinder, 1975): ―It would be hard for me to write this Foreword without my own feeling of excitement, amazement and thrill coming through. I have been a teacher of family therapy for a long time .... I have a theory about how I make change occur. The knowledge of the process is now considerably advanced by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, who can talk in a way that can be concretised and measured about the ingredients of the what that goes into making the how possible.‖ (Satir, in Bandler and Grinder, 1975, p. Viii).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
295
A Photographic Fast Reading Process developed from The Photoreading Whole Mind System by Paul R. Scheele
Prepare Establish your purpose for reading this particular text. How will you use this information? Why are you reading it? Enter a relaxed state of mind, with a gentle smile on your face, and a sense of seeing from the central back of the head.
Preview Read the overviews in the material, as if scanning newspaper headlines. Scan contents lists, indexes, front and back covers, material set out as charts or in boxes, any summaries. If there are none, read the first and last sentence/paragraph of each chapter. Scan the text for key words which seem intuitively to ―stand out‖ from the page.
Photo-View Relax deeper, uncross your arms and legs, enter peripheral vision (defocused vision), and adjust your eyes so you can see the overlap of pages at the centre of the book. Practise by seeing the overlapping view of your fingers when your eyes are defocused. Breathe regularly, affirm your ability to learn in an unconscious, relaxed, focused way, and turn the pages one page every second or two.
Probe Wait at least 20 minutes (ideally overnight). Get an overview of the book in your mind, or even draw a mind map on paper. Check what questions you have about the text. Wander into the book and read whichever bits seem to be likely to answer your questions.
Propulsion-View Begin at the beginning, and speed read the text, letting your eyes scan the pages, slowing where pieces seem useful or skipping parts you already know.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
296
Tapping Into The Power of NLP In Business An Introduction To NLP In Business © Dr Richard Bolstad In this article, I discuss three ways the new science of Neuro Linguistic Programming can be utilized in business. These are by providing specific structured skills to: 1) create rapport and effective business communication with anyone, fast; 2) become a powerful influencer, creating solutions that work for you and others; 3) identify your personal mission and your ability as a visionary leader. The foundation of Success Communication is a fundamental platform of progress. You can legislate until you are blue in the face but unless the worker and boss communicate effectively the nothing else matters." - Murray Rae, president, Auckland Employers Association, quoted in NZ Business, October 1994 A familiar enough point, and one that also applies to relationships with colleagues, clients, and working relationships between corporations. In the same magazine as the above quote, business writer Margie Sullivan shows how successfully resolved disputes can save millions of dollars in inter-company legal battles. The real question is how, specifically, you can improve your business communication. Very few of us actually set out for the office in the morning saying, "Today I will lose the goodwill and motivation of my staff, have an argument with my boss and irritate several clients into taking their business elsewhere." We can have great intentions - to create an effective work team, to negotiate successfully, to explain our ideas in ways that motivate others to adopt them, to help clients and employees meet their needs and our corporate goals. Any business seminar can remind you of these intentions. What's needed is the specific tools you can use to reach them. NLP: The Science of Successful Communication Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is the leading edge in communication skills training. The NightingaleConant Corporation, the world's foremost producer of personal development and motivational audio programs calls NLP "the most powerful mind technology for self-change developed in the last twenty years." Science Digest says, "NLP could be the most important synthesis of knowledge about communication to emerge since the sixties." That's one reason companies like IBM, ITT, AT&T, American Express, Coca Cola, and the Chase Manhattan Bank use it. NLP Trainer Anthony Robbins' book Unlimited Power is a virtual text of the NLP field. Ken Blanchard (Co-author of One Minute Manager) calls Robbins' book "The cutting edge - A must for anyone committed to personal excellence." As a certified NLP Trainer, I'm getting the same kind of response here in New Zealand. Jo Taylor, Auckland Company Director, calls NLP "a new and valuable way of thinking...empowering one with the ability to change the future and your relationships." Christchurch Life Insurance broker Les Te Paa says, "NLP is a state-of-theart achievement technology for anyone in business. It's only a matter of time before it becomes part of standard management practices. If you want to be able to enhance your motivation, rapport, sales, productivity and enjoyment in business (and life) then train in NLP." NLP was first developed by Dr Richard Bandler, computer and physics expert, and Dr John Grinder, Professor of Linguistics, in the United States in the 1970's.They and their colleagues researched the specific behaviours of excellent communicators and change agents and developed models enabling them to teach these skills to others in a very short time. Excellence, they believed, can be learned. Today, NLP forms the basis of most of what is called accelerated learning. It's being used in sports motivation and performance, in medicine, in psychotherapy, and in business. If Tony Robbins is right in saying that "The quality of your communication is the quality of your life," then NLP is the science of living life at your peak. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
297
The Power of Rapport What makes NLP unique is it's power to get down to the actual facts. For example, everyone knew that "rapport" was the basis for successful communication. But it was NLP that demonstrated the specific verbal and nonverbal techniques that consistantly create rapport. It turns out that when people have the experience of getting along with each other well, the experience of rapport, they automatically and unconsciously use similar body positions, similar voice tonality and similar wordings. A person trained in NLP can utilize these elements to communicate rapport even when disagreeing with another. After hearing about voice tonality, a manager of one large U.S. corporation told NLP trainer Genie Laborde, "So that's why our department reports so many disgruntled responses in the deep south. We thought Southerners were just difficult to deal with. The personnel in my department phone our customers all over the States to remind them to send in their payments. Our telephone personnel are from New York City. Southerners speak at vastly different rates from New Yorkers. Our policy is to be courteous, but we need to do more than that." The "more" involves specific training in rapport skills. NLP Trainer Tad James gives a great example of his use of rapport in negotiation. His clients were an Alaskan Indian company who needed a 7 million US dollar loan from the Bureau of Indian Affairs. Tad spent two hours teaching the CEO and his two executives rapport skills; getting to specific things like breathing in time with someone. They had been told that the loan would take 6 months to a year if they got it. In fact, though, after two meetings they were given the money up front. A BIA official speaking to James afterwards said, You know, in 20 years of government, I've never seen my boss so excited about any project that has ever been brought to him. And your project isn't anything special. I don't understand. What did you guys have that no-one else has?"
The Crucial Differences: Sensory System Use Really getting in rapport with someone takes more than just some body language though. It means sounding out how they think and talking to them in their language. It means fitting your proposals into their mental framework, so they can get a grasp of them. It means using their perspective, and helping them see what your ideas will look like. For example, it turns out that some people think mainly in pictures, some mainly in words and sounds, and some mainly in feelings. Read the last paragraph again, and you'll find that I restated the same concept three times, using three different languages: 1) auditory; sounds and words 2) kinesthetic; feelings and physical actions 3) visual: pictures and images NLP developer Richard Bandler describes working with a young engineering trainee. No matter how long he looked at electrical schematic diagrams, he couldn't see how the machines worked. His bosses assumed he was just too slow. Actually, his only problem was that he thought kinesthetically (in feelings/actions) and the boss was trying to explain in pictures (visually). Bandler had the trainee imagine what it would feel like to be an electron inside the circuit he was studying. He imagined flowing round the various lines, responding as he came in contact with each component of the circuit. Immediately, he "had a handle" on the situation and could understand the whole system. NLP teaches the ability to speak in each of the sensory languages visual, auditory, kinesthetic) and even shows you how to detect which type of thinking a person is doing before they say anything. From a client'seye movements you can predict whether she will be interested in "seeing" your product, "hearing" about it or getting a hands-on "feel" for it. Thedifference may decide whether you're in rapport or not. It may also decide whether you make the sale. More Crucial Differences: Metaprograms
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
298
NLP is famous for this model of eye movements and sensory systems. But actually, that's just one of approximately 30 vital differences between people. Understanding these "metaprograms" will maximise your ability to build rapport, motivate people, sell to people, and negotiate agreements. Four of the metaprogram distinctions are already taught in many business trainings as the Myers-Briggs Personality typing system. There are others that can be equally important. For example, consider the difference between "towards" and "away from" motivation. Some people motivate themselves by moving towards what they want, while others motivate themselves by avoiding, or moving away from what they don't want. As with any such metaprogram, some people do a bit of each. A fully "towards" person gets up in the morning by thinking of all the things they want to achieve. The "away from" person gets up by thinking of all the problems they'll have if they don't get up soon. A towards motivated entrepeneur wants to earn money because of all the thing they can do with it. An away from motivated entrepeneur is more interested in avoiding bankruptcy and poverty. Anthony Robbins tells of a business disagreement he and his partners had with a man who'd done some work for them. Robbins began their meeting by telling the man that he wanted to create an outcome that would work well for both of them. The man said that didn't interest him - he just wanted Robbins attorney to stop calling and hassling him. Puzzled, Robbins suggested that at least in a basic way thay were all committed to helping both themselves and others experience better quality of life. The man disagreed. At this point, Robbins says, a light bulb finally lit up inside his head and he changed gears. He told the man that if they didn't sort out the issue within the next sixty seconds, Robbins was not going to carry on negotiating. He suggested that the man check inside to see "if you're willing to pay the price that you're going to have to pay...Because I'm going to continually tell people about how you behaved here and what you did...You can decide now that you want to work this thing out or otherwise you're going to lose everything... Check me out. See if I'm congruent" .It took him twenty seconds to jump up and say to Robbins "Look guys, I always wanted to work with you. I know we can work this out." Robbins points out that the man didn't do it grudgingly. "He got up enthusiastically, as though we were true pals. He said "I just wanted to know we could talk." Robbins had recognised the man's "away from" motivation. Finding a co-operative solution just didn't mean anything to him. Avoiding conflict and embarrassment did. If Robbins had used such threatening language with a "towards" person they'd have left the room. But for this man, reminding him what he could lose actually motivated him to co-operate fully. Robbins NLP training enabled him to create rapport with someone others might have considered a lost cause. In doing so it saved him a costly court case and won him a useful ally. First, Second and Third Positions The power that advanced NLP Rapport skills give you is partially explained by the way they increase your ability to "stand in another person's shoes" and "see the world through their eyes". The NLP developers discovered that all highly successful communicators are able to view any interaction from three distinct positions: First Position: seeing through their own eyes; their own responses Second Position: seeing through the other person's eyes; understanding how it feels to be the other. Third Position: seeing the interaction from an observer position, like a "fly on the wall". Cythia Barnum, IBM consultant, recommends that business people doing business with Japan make a particular point of understanding the cultural differences this way. She has her clients read representative books from each position eg:
First Position; Edward T. Hall's book, "Hidden Differences, Doing Business With Japan" Second Position; Shintaro Ishihara's book "The Japan That Can Say No" Third Position; Norwegian author Karel von Wolferen's book on Japanese/English speaking world interaction "The Enigma of Japanese Power"
The model of first second and third position is a very simple one. But the NLP developers didn't make it up; they discovered it already being used by the world's most successful managers, negotiators and change agents.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
299
In studying these people, NLP has discovered far more than communication skills. Good communication is an essential for good business. But if you personally don't have that certain charisma that marks out success, then you may not end up communicating with the people who can really make a difference anyway. Is there a way to learn the skills of excellent influencers and leaders? The developers of NLP found there is. And that's what our next section is about. Turning Problems Into Solutions If all Neuro Linguistic Programming contributed was its many ways of understanding rapport, that in itself would make it worth serious business attention. But that's just a fraction of the total model. NLP developer John Grinder, a professor of Linguistics, was able to analyse the language patterns used by highly successful communicators and influencers. He and co-developer Richard Bandler were able to model and teach to others the way top IBM salespeople always achieved their sales at the time of IBM's expansion; the way world recognised mediators turned disagreements into agreements. The key is a way of thinking called Reframing. Reframing enables you to identify what more useful meaning a problem situation could have, or where a "problem" could actually be an asset. Many major business breakthroughs are successful reframes. Oil was once considered something that ruined the value of land for agriculture! This has been fairly successfully reframed now. Only a couple of decades ago, sawdust was an annoying waste product of the timber yards. Then an American found a way to glue the sawdust into "Presto logs". In two years, he turned this free "resource" into a multi-million dollar business. That's a reframe! When the second biggest car rental firm promotes itself with the slogan "We're number two; we try harder!", that's a reframe! And when Pepsi-cola takes on the century old Coca-cola empire with the slogan "Pepsi, the choice of a new generation", that too is a reframe. Such moves seem chance acts of creativity, until you understand their linguistic structure. NLP teaches specific ways to develop your skill as a reframer. And after all, ALL business is reframing (or is that another reframe?). Anchoring Yourself To Success Of course, reframing doesn't just enable you to turn other people's objections into enthusiastic agreement. It also enables you to turn your own inner uncertainties into the source of your own confidence! Every salesperson knows that the one person you must sell your product to is ... yourself. Aside from its contribution to communication, NLP is, in the words of Time Magazine, "an all purpose self-improvement program and technology." Norman Vincent Peale (author of "The Power of Positive Thinking") calls it "A truly new and unique approach.... the power to reprogram your own thoughts and behaviours," and describes NLP Trainer Anthony Robbins' overview of NLP as "required reading for anyone wishing to tap their full potential." "Anchoring" is one of the many NLP techniques which enables you to literally program success into your life. Everyone has had the experience of hearing a song on the radio that you haven't heard for many years, and having it remind you of the fun you had those years ago. That's what NLP calls anchoring. Ever had the smell of candyfloss and popcorn remind you of the fairground? Or the sight of John Cleese cause you to smile before he even said anything? That's anchoring. A certain sound, sight, smell, taste or touch creates in you the whole "state", the whole mind set, that was associated with it earlier. Imagine that you could decide which state things anchor you into. Some people find that public speaking anchors them into anxiety. But it could anchor you into confidence and enthusiasm. The NLP technique called collapsing anchors does just that. Tom came to see me a few days before an important presentation. He had to convince a room full of Education Service Managers to fund his new programme. Every time he thought of it, he felt nauseous. While he felt this anxiety, I pressed on one of his knuckles. The anxiety was now associated with that "anchor". Then I had him recall a time when he felt incredibly confident. As he did that, I pressed on a second knuckle, forming a second anchor. Finally, I pressed on both knuckles at once. Tom had a moment of confusion. When he tried to think of the presentation again, he realised that he now automatically felt some of that incredible confidence there. The
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
300
presentation, of course, was a complete success. It sounds almost too simple. And, truthfully, it does take skill to guide someone through. But it only takes ten minutes to reprogramme yourself in this way once you know how. Anchoring Others Advertising is mainly anchoring. Reminding people of parties and then showing a close up of the Coca-cola symbol is simple anchoring. NLP Trainers John Grinder and Anthony Robbins negotiated with the United States Military to run a series of NLP Training programmes. The military were excited by the idea of being able to have their best performing soldiers "modelled" so that new recruits could be taught the strategies that work perfectly; however they had previously expressed concern at the price the NLP Trainers considered fair. They met in a big conference room. At the head of the table was the chair reserved for the General in charge. Even though the General wasn't present, Grinder and Robbins noticed that people unconsciously glanced over to his chair every so often. The two of them moved over to the chair and stood with their hands on it, as they presented the price they wanted. This time, no-one questioned their rate. It had been anchored to the General's chair. Influencing With Integrity NLP gives us incredible powers of influence. In fact it's so powerful it raises some obvious ethical issues, about when and where it's appropriate for you to use such skills. There are three levels on which these issues can be answered. Level One: Practical results set a limit on the use of such techniques anyway. Sure, using rapport skills and anchoring, you can convince anyone of anything. But how they feel about it tomorrow is a different story. "Buyers remorse" isn't good for your business. At the point of sale, it may be best to step out of rapport a little, take the anchors off, and find out if the person has really bought your proposal. Level Two: Another frame for understanding this is to realise that people (you included) are always using these skills anyway. When you like someone, you automatically get in rapport. All we're doing in NLP is learning how to choose what messages you send. You may have met someone who unintentionally irritates others (I know it's rare, but if you think back far enough). That person is doing things which anchor others into a state of annoyance. After a while, all they have to do is walk into a room and people get tense. Teaching that person anchoring wouldn't mean teaching them a new "trick". It would actually mean teaching them to notice something they've already been doing accidentally, and giving them the choice to do it in the way they really intend to. People have a right to that choice. Level Three: NLP Trainer Genie Laborde answers at this third level in her book "Influencing with Integrity". She says the difference between integrity and manipulation boils down to one question: Are you aiming to meet the other person's outcomes/needs/intentions in life as well as your own? If you are, then your influencing has integrity. If not, it was just manipulation. NLP is designed to use with integrity Laborde concludes "When we choose to dovetail our outcomes with others', we are choosing personal integrity. Your outcome and the other person's may not be a perfect match, but seeking ways to dovetail avoids manipulation and protects you from resentments, recriminations, buyers remorse, and revenge....Now we have superior tools for influencing. The use of these tools and the integrity of that use is in your hands. Meeting Your Outcomes AND Others Outcomes Integrity is another nice theory, like rapport. So, again, NLP has a series of practical skills which you can use to support your intention to meet your outcomes AND others'. These skills are skills of negotiation, of conflict resolution. Handling an objection in a sale, negotiating a joint venture, setting management targets... infact virtually all business situations are opportunities for you to put these skills into practise. There are a few surprises in this area. It turns out that business people who adopt a win-win, "you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" attitude actually acheive more. Dr Terry Mollner, fellow of the World Business Academy and business author, notes "As all wise business people have known for thousands of years, the marketplace is not primarily a centre of competitive activity, but of co-operative activity." Robert Helmreich and Janet Spence from the University of Texas researched the relationship between achievement and personal From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
301
qualities in business people. Consistently, high achievement was related to three personal qualities: 1) A strong orientation towards work 2) A Preference for challenge and 3) Low competitiveness. They point out that their results "dramatically refute the contention that competitiveness is vital to a successful business career." One person who wouldn't be surprised is W. Edwards Demming, the economic advisor responsible for the postwar Japanese economic miracle. Asked whether it was competition that made America great, he replies "No; it was co-operation. Competition is our ruination. We've been on the decline for decades; we're on the decline. The decline will continue till we learn." Sur/Petition Business consultant and developer of lateral thinking, Edward de Bono, calls competition "a dangerous and seductive trap that limits and restricts business thinking." He gives specific examples. "When Kodak ventured into the instant camera business a few years ago, analysts marked down Polaroid stock. But in fact, Polaroid's sales increased because Kodak now had to advertise instant cameras.... The more antique shops, the more the area will be visited by antique buyers." De Bono recommends replacing competition with Sur/Petition. "the difference between competition and Sur/Petition is... instead of running in the same race, you create your own race." Any good athlete knows that the trick is not to keep looking over your shoulder at the other runners (the competitive way), but to run your own race with full commitment. Actually, companies that have a win-win approach to selling acheive higher. The US Ethics Resource Centre in Washington checked how many major US companies had worked out a written code saying that serving the public was their central goal, over the thirty year period from 1960-1990. There were 21. They then compared the results of investing $30 000 with those 21 companies over that time, with the results of investing $30 000 in a Dow Jones composite over that time. The Dow Jones average would have left you with $134 000. Not bad; but the companies committed to serving the public would have left you with $1 021 861 -nearly ten times as much! The same is true for businesses which adopt a win-win approach to employer/employee relationships. Workplace New Zealand (WPNZ) is a New Zealand promoter of this principle. Its manager Owen Harvey emphasises "The first thing that management needs to understand is that they are not going to be economically successful until they involve people....Involving employees is something which requires managers to devolve authority." The Need For Skills The truth is, that implimenting this win-win approach in business requires skills. The risks of empowering employees without these skills are high. Dudley Lynch and Paul Kordis, in their book "Strategy of the Dolphin" divide business approaches into three "schools". "A carp (that is a person using the carp strategy) typically [responds to business challenges using] ... flight or freeze. Obviously, carps get eaten a lot....Usually the strategy of the shark is viewed as a strategy intended to produce a personal win whatever the cost.... The strategy of the dolphin is a diamond-bit-ended search for what works.... Dolphins like to win. But they don't need for you to lose unless you insist on it." Shifting to a win-win approach to business means steering clear of the instant gratification of the shark school and the naive lack of business skills of the carps. NLP Trainer Anthony Robbins describes some of the specific verbal skills which enable win-win management, sales or business. The simplest example of all is what's called in NLP the "Agreement Frame". Actually, it's the one word AND. As in "I appreciate your position, AND...", "I respect... AND... ", "I agree... AND...". Replacing the word "But" with the word "And" creates a powerfully different negotiation process. It enables the other person to consider your position without having to give up their own. Robbins notes "The best salesmen, the best communicators, know it's very hard to persuade someone to do something he doesn't want to do. By creating an agreement frame, by leading him naturally, rather than through conflict, you do the latter, not the former.... This is one way to turn resistance into assistance." There are of course many others. That's what NLP is about. In our next section we'll look at skills to create the most powerful personal qualities of all. The key differences between the world's most successful managers and the rest. The Fundamental Character Traits of Success From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
302
Is having specific personal and communication skills enough to achieve your highest potential? Probably not. I mentioned earlier that Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) was developed by studying people who succeeed and modelling their excellence. Some of the results were specific verbal and non-verbal skills like those we've discussed already: rapport skills, reframing, anchoring and negotiating skills. But there's something more that consistent high achievers have. Scott Degarmo, editor-in-chief of Success Magazine says of NLP "I have never seen a more powerful technology. " Finally in this article, lets consider the central ingredient in the Power of NLP. Paul Kordis and Dudley Lynch use the metaphor of sharks, carps and dolphins to describe three different business strategies. Sharks are out to win at any cost. Carps will step back if challenged. Dolphins will do whatever it takes to win their own objectives, but have no need to have others lose. They know that win-win solutions can deliver each "side" more prosperity than win-lose solutions. But dolphins, say Kordis and Lynch, are different in an even more central way: "A fundamental difference between dolphins and their fellow sojourners in "the pool" is that dolphins understand the importance of knowing what their purpose in life is and whether at any given time they are on purpose, and carps and sharks often do not." In 1989 the Columbia University School of Business researched 15 000 CEOs, whose collective business involved 10% of the Gross World Product. These CEOs identified one key element in their success: "... the vital importance of visionary leadership." The Structure of Visionary Leadership The NLP approach allows us to get really specific about what exactly enables you to become a visionary leader; someone who knows your purpose in life. For a start, visionary leaders store time in a different way. British sociologist Elliot Jaques researched the relationship between a person's ability to visualise their future "time line", and their status. The average factory worker visualises time clearly up to three months ahead. A general manager tends to have a clear future time line up to 5 years ahead. The average CEO has a clear future time line 50 years in length. NLP has studied the structure of how a time line is stored in the brain, at the unconscious level; how to change the neurological coding of your brain so that it has the type of time line that will work for you.Now, what would happen if you could visualise your time line clearly 100 years into the future, and programme in your ultimate success. That's what high achievers do. A reporter once asked Conrad Hilton if he intended to help others be successful, now that he was a success himself. Hilton immediately detected and disagreed with a presupposition in the reporters question. "Nonsense!" he explained " I was a success when I worked as a clerk in a rooming house. I knew then that I would build a chain of hotels." That's the power of a clear future time line. The NLP process of Time Line Therapy™ (developed by NLP Trainer Tad James) gives you this same power: to programme goals into your future so that they happen. The excellence of the highly successful is not "magic". It can be learned. Values: Motivation Engines of the Brain Other aspects of visionary leadership can also be learned. One important skill is the ability to identify and align your personal values. Values are those things that are important enough to you to invest time and energy in. When a goal meets one of your highest values, achieving it will seem effortless. Values are the secret of powerful motivation. Identifying the way each step of your business life supports your highest values is what makes that step seem worthwhile. Without this, your chosen career may seem lifeless and boring. Values are what gets you up in the morning; they are the body's natural alarm clock. You know the feeling of being on a holiday that you're really excited about; how when you wake up in the morning you can't wait to get out of bed and into the day. That's what it feels like to be meeting things you highly value every day. Are you stuck with the values you've accidently developed over your lifetime? Not at all. NLP has studied how the brain codes high values, and can offer you the choice of actually changing what motivates you. You can use NLP processes to identify your values, and then align them to ensure they each support your overall purpose. Sometimes, for example, people come to see me because they are not making the money they'd like to. I get them to list their values for a career, asking "What's important to you about a career?" Guess what: Nine times From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
303
out of ten, money won't even be on the list! For someone to earn more money, money has to be a priority; it has to be a value. So at that point, the person needs to decide: will you stay the way you've been, or will you use NLP techniques to install money as a value? Missions: Personal and Corporate Above even values, the structure of visionary leadership involves having a clear sense of your life's mission. You probably have a mission statement for your business. But how about your life? Why would John Scully abandon his successful position as President of Pepsi cola to be CEO of a small computer firm called Apple? The answer is simple. Scully says "I loved tinkering with electrical things as a child.... My single minded concentration on success at Pepsi somehow caused me to discard my earlier interest in inventions and technology." You can understand, given that, that Sculley at Apple will have many times the personal passion that he had at Pepsi. And that passion, that sense of contributing every day to his life purpose, will outperform mere administrative skill every time. Apple is a company founded on an almost evangelical sense of mission. In fact, its liason people with the software firms were called Evangelists. One of them, Guy Kawasaki, explains "The software evangelists did more than convince developers to write Macintosh software. They sold the Macintosh dream.... Luckily for Apple, Macintosh generated an emotional response unlike that of any other personal computer. This response carried Macintosh through a shortage of software, poor initial sales, and brutal competition with IBM." The power of a mission comes from a sense that your actions are part of something much greater than just "earning a buck" or "enjoying the good life". More and more business corporations are asking the question "What is our higher purpose?" The Chase Manhatten Bank, Du Pont, AT&T and Apple are examples of companies who, in the last few years have identified their mission in terms of their place in the world as a whole. It's the difference between "a guy who paints ceilings" and Michelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel as a monument which will awe and inspire others for thousands of years (and yes, he was in business: most of the Chapel ceiling was painted by his apprentices; what Michelangelo was paid for was his vision). The Ecology Example And in the 1990s, any real sense of business mission tends to align itself with the ecology of the planet. Edward de Bono, developer of lateral thinking, notes "The furrier industry is going out of business. McDonalds has dropped the polystyrene containers that used to keep hamburgers warm. Recycled paper proudly proclaims itself....Smoking is banned on many flights and in many workplaces." Even DuPont's Agricultural Products Team (previously defined as a herbicide producer) now describes its mission as forging "A New Partnership With Nature." It's easy to be cynical about businesses like the Body Shop; to say that they haven't really saved the rainforests or brought about a collectively managed utopia for their staff ( and in fact the two aims sometimes conflict: when the Body Shop issued a statement opposing the Gulf War, its patriotic American staff protested that they weren't consulted). Some watching businesses wonder if it's all worth the cost. The Body Shop, for example, pays about NZ$200 000 a year to screen suppliers to enforce its ban on animal testing. But then, Body Shop sales for 1993 topped NZ$1 000 000 000 , and its policies do actually make a difference in the lives of thousands of people. The same could well be said for Trade Aid's 27 shops New Zealand wide. As far back as 1990, research by Colmar Brunton showed that two thirds of New Zealanders make an effort to buy environmentally friendly goods, and 62% say they're willing to pay more for the choice. A third are even willing to accept some loss of product effectiveness to get something kinder to the earth. Ecology is only one example of the way a business can align its mission with wider meaning; but it's a good example because every business can respond to it. The reason for business getting involved in a sense of wider mission like the ending of illiteracy, poverty, or war isn't because business "owes" the world. It's because business ought to be a game worth playing... one worth waking up to in the morning. What It's About From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
304
NLP Trainer Anthony Robbins, whose annual corporate income is more than US$50 million concludes "That's ultimately what this... is about. Sure, it's about maximising your personal power, learning how to be effective and successful in what you try to do. But there's no value to being a sovereign of a dying planet. Everything we've talked about -the importance of agreement frames, the nature of rapport, the modelling of excellence, the syntax of success, and all the rest- works best when it's used in a positive way that breeds success for other people as well as for ourselves. Ultimate power is synergistic. It comes from people working together, not apart.... using these skills on a broad level to empower ourselves and others in ways that are truly positive, in ways that generate massive, joyous communal success." NLP has demystified the notion of missions. It teaches specific skills to help you identify your personal and corporate mission. In doing so, it moves far beyond the communication techniques we started this article by looking at. And yet ultimately, we need to take action in this wider way if we want communication to work. Guy Kawasaki adds "My message is that to make products, companies and ideas successful, you must sell the whole hog -not just the sizzle- by getting people to believe in your product, company or idea and to share your dream."
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
305
NLP In Purchasing/Sales © Dr Richard Bolstad The New Science Of Purchasing The internet is not only influencing the world of retail purchasing; its structure is reflecting a huge change in the culture within which retailing occurs. Internet customers expect us to permit them to select and decide from the safety of their own home, rather than in direct discussion with our sales staff. In the same way, metaphorically, they pay less attention to our claims and more attention to their own outcomes. When other outlets are just a mouse click away, their loyalty cannot be so easily bought by bonus coupons. Chris Anderson is the editor of ―Wired‖ internet sales magazine, and author of ―The Long Tail‖, a book on the new niche markets. He says ―In the bricks-and-mortar world, all customers experience the same store. In the online world, it‘s possible for each customer to experience a different store, uniquely customized to his or her profile and experiences. A store ordered on the fly to suit customers‘ preferences and guide them to what they want is a friendlier store.‖ (Anderson, 2006, p 53). In a sense, several new sciences have been brought to bear on this new purchasing environment. They reveal the high level of uncertainty and subtle human variability which retailers deal with when the customer rules. I am intentionally using the word ―purchasing‖ rather than the word ―sales‖ to emphasize the shift in focus. Firstly, psychology is changing the computer science applications behind the internet. Ironically, when people use machines, an understanding of human skills becomes even more important. A huge drive is underway to make machines seem more and more human… because people respond better to humans than to machines. This has shifted the focus of computer programmers back to the subtle details of interpersonal interaction. Interactive programs are now being taught ―to recognize and align with their users‘ emotional states‖ (Daviss, 2005, p 42). For example, they feature images of people who adjust their facial expression to suit the words the user says, and who make reflective verbal acknowledgements, rather than just giving mechanical instructions. Stanford University computer scientist Clifford Nass explains ―In anything you do and every decision you make, emotion plays a role…. The human brain is so exquisitely attuned to emotion, so obsessed with it and so good at detecting it, that even the slightest markers of emotion can have an enormous impact on how the brain behaves.‖ Secondly, the new science of complex systems (called ―chaotic systems‖) has revealed the turbulent world in which retail decisions occur. In studying the application of chaotic systems theory to business, John Legge (1990, p33-45) points out that salespeople often want to know what is the ―correct‖ sales pitch for a particular market. They hope that a simple ABC rule can guide their decisions. In reality, the most successful sales pitch for a market often appeals to only 20% of customers in that market (but 20% is better than 19%). This is because the market is a chaotic (highly complex) system. It is not tidily organised into boxes but is more like a forest, a stream or any other complex natural phenomenon. One point for salespeople is that if you are wanting to enter that market, copying the most successful current sales pitch may be wasting your energy. It may be easier to find another sizeable group of customers (say 16%) who respond to a totally different pitch. By accepting that the market is more complex; that there is no ―one right way‖, you open up more possibilities for success. Another feature of complex systems is their incredible sensitivity to tiny changes, such as those the computer programmers are studying by modelling human emotional responses. Neuro Linguistic Programming is a field which combines elements of both systems theory and psychology. It studies how the highest achievers in any context are using their brains to get their remarkable results. This study has generated literally thousands of new understandings about the structure of success in fields as diverse as education, psychotherapy, sports, management, medicine and sales. For salespeople, there are three main areas of NLP research which I want to introduce here. The Bibliography at the end gives a range of choices for deeper reading about these, and you can find out about NLP trainings on my internet site at www.transformations.net.nz. NLP In Sales 1: Creating a Powerful State-of-Mind In a transcript of his training for salespeople, NLP co-developer Richard Bandler emphasizes what most of us know: the core sales skill is not ―How do I sell this product to the customer?‖ but ―How do I sell myself to myself?‖ He says ―So, to begin with, there‘re some things that you need to do with yourself first. I mean if you wake up in the morning and go, ―Oh no, not another day at work (grrr)‖, that‘s not going to work real well…. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
306
We did an experiment in this furniture store in California. It‘s a big chain. They own furniture stores all over the place and I had some success in the furniture business teaching salesmen. We did an experiment; one day of training. And they have two stores, they had one on one side of the freeway and one on the other side of the freeway. We went in and trained the guys from one side of the freeway for one day. And for the next month they increased their close ratio between 10 and 50%. Just one day of training, by teaching them to do things like enjoy their work.‖ (Bandler and La Valle, 1996, p 31, 45) Feeling confident and just ―enjoying the job‖ has a profound effect. Bruce McIntyre, manager of the highly successful New Zealand company Macpac Wilderness Equipment, was interviewed by NLP Master Practitioner Lawrence Green. McIntyre explained ―Years ago I was scared shitless of visiting retailers and speaking to them on the phone. I used to hate sales trips. It takes huge courage to grow beyond the fears we are taught in our families, by politicians and all around us. But the fears are not real, it is just imagination. … A lot of it has to do with becoming much more confident in being who I am.‖ (Green and Campbell, 2004, p 99). In such situations, what NLP delivers is the ―how to‖ that shows you how to run your brain so that the imagination of fear doesn‘t create problems. Rather than suffering for years to ―grow beyond fears‖, it is possible to ―reprogram the brain‖ in a few minutes! Sometimes the techniques can seem simplistic, but the NLP Practitioner has learned exactly where to make the mental shift to enable success. Here‘s an example from the field of sports, from my work with top New Zealand triathlete Steve Gurney. Steve says ―I'd like to share with you a small but extremely powerful story of how I used mental attitude through Neuro-Linguistic-Programming (NLP), to boost my performance in this year's Coast to Coast. It's a story about turning a negative into to a positive,…. Converting "worry" into a "challenge"! Instead of being scared of the competition I wanted to "relish in the challenge" I was worried about the mountain run. Despite being a handy runner and getting plenty of run training under my belt I'm not as fast over Goat Pass as Gelately. Historically, I would emerge from the mountain run with a deficit of 8 to 10 minutes on the leader. It then requires a mammoth effort for me to close this gap before the finish line.,…very stressful! (Of course I could run through the mountains faster than the leaders, but it is a matter of efficiency. I need to carefully pace myself to race at a speed that I can maintain for the entire 11 hours, not just a 3-hour mountain run. I could win the mountain run, but blow up before the race finish line)‖ ―I enlisted the help of my NLP guru, Richard Bolstad for some help with this one. To summarise, the solution lay in blowing apart my belief that I always trail the lead runners by 10 minutes. Bolstad powerfully pointed out to me that reality is whatever I imagined it to be, and in fact, with a little work I could alter my beliefs to be more powerful and positive. I visualised the lead runner to be "just around the corner" ahead of me, possibly even behind me, and not the dreaded 10 minutes that I was imagining. It worked a treat! I emerged from the run 1 minute ahead of Gelately!! My best mountain run to date!! The mechanism is one of positivity, fun and enjoyment. This releases endorphins and other natural "go-fast" chemicals that enhance focus, concentration and more efficient use of muscles and blood glycogen.‖ (Gurney, 2003) One of the NLP skills I‘m using here with Steve is called reframing – a technique for seeing the situation in your mind as if through a different frame. There was a time when Avis Rental cars was the number two car hirer in the world. That‘s a problem isn‘t it? Not being number one…. Well, it depends how you ―frame‖ it. Here‘s what Avis did. They ran an ad campaign that said ―Avis Rental cars: we‘re number two, so we try harder.‖ Now they‘re number one, and the slogan just says ―Avis: we try harder.‖ Pepsi Cola was a latecomer to the world of carbonated drinks, and Coca Cola marketed itself as ―Classic‖. Is being a newcomer a problem? Depends how you frame it. Pepsi nearly wiped Coca Cola out with the slogan ―Pepsi: the choice of a new generation.‖ Another NLP skill I‘m using in my work with Steve, in the example above, is what NLP calls anchoring. Anchoring is a way of associating a powerful positive feeling state with some gesture, mental image or word, and then being able to trigger the state whenever you want it just by using the gesture, word or image. Until you experience it, like Steve, its almost impossible to imagine just how effective this is. On the other hand, everyone has had the experience of hearing a song on the radio that they haven‘t heard for years and years, and as you listen, the whole feeling that you had all those years ago comes back… even the memories of the experience from years ago become more available! That‘s what NLP calls anchoring. The song becomes an ―anchor‖ holding your brain at the state of mind where it was first set. The transcript of Bandler‘s Sales training gives several examples of anchoring in action (Bandler and La Valle, 1996, p39). ―Sit down with someone and ask them to just close their eyes for a minute. Now say to them ―I want From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
307
you to remember a time where you were excited‖…. Or ―a time where you felt invincible‖ … or whatever it is. And let them remember it. And I want you to see if you can notice it on their face. Now when those things exude to the point where they are maximally expressed, at that point in time, I am going to make a little anchor. Touch them, or make a sound, a gesture, or a word. Now you have them think about something else…. Now go back and fire off the anchor for the person. Notice the response come back.‖ As he points out, this is not only a technique for getting yourself into the state of mind you want, it‘s also a sales pattern. ―Now this is my basic sales program: Induce good feeling; attach it to product.‖ NLP In Sales 2: Rapport Of course, once you yourself are in a resourceful state of mind, your next interest will be to make a connection with the person making a purchase, to tune into them, to get their perspective on what they want. What helps us do that most powerfully is an extraordinary inbuilt human skill called rapport. Only a decade ago, the NLP model of how to create instant rapport with any customer seemed just one theory. Now, we have the research to prove that it works. In 1995 a remarkable type of brain cell was discovered by researchers working at the University of Palma in Italy (Rizzolatti et alia, 1996; Rizzolatti and Arbib, 1998). The cells, now called ―mirror neurons‖, are found in a specific area of the brain which is also involved in the creation of speech. Although the cells are related to body movement, they seem to be activated by what we see and hear. When we see another person make a particular facial expression or hand gesture, the mirror neurons prompt us to copy it. When we hear another person‘s voice, the mirror neurons prompt us to copy the volume, tone and rhythm of that voice. Of course, we human beings can stop this. When a monkey observes another monkey (or even a human) making a body movement, the monkey‘s mirror neurons light up. As they do, the monkey appears to involuntarily copy the same movement it has observed visually - the source of the saying ―monkey see, monkey do‖. When this area of the brain is damaged in a stroke, copying another‘s actions becomes almost impossible. This ability to copy a fellow creature‘s actions as they do them has obviously been very important in the development of monkey and human social intelligence. It enables us to understand what it feels like to be the person we are talking to. Mirror neurons respond to the facial expressions associated with emotions so well that they enable us to directly experience the emotions of those we observe, an experience called ―rapport‖ in NLP. William Condon has meticulously studied videotapes of conversations. He found that in a successful conversation, where agreement is reached, movements such as a smile or a head nod are involuntarily matched by the other person within 1/15 of a second. Within minutes of beginning the conversation, the volume, pitch and speech rate (number of sounds per minute) of the peoples voices match each other. This is correlated with a synchronising of the type and rate of breathing. Even general body posture is adjusted over the conversation so that the people appear to match or mirror each other (Condon 1982, p 53-76). As a person adjusts their facial expression, voice tonality and other nonverbal behaviour to match others‘ they actually show the same pattern of brain activity that the other person is using. (Hatfield et alia, 1994). Of course, many successful salespeople have known this all along. Others have been struggling with the results of not knowing it. NLP trainer Genie Laborde worked with several large retail companies. She reported one shocked manager explaining ―So that‘s why our department reports so many disgruntled responses from customers in the deep South. We thought Southerners were just difficult to deal with. The personnel in my department phone our customers all over the States to remind them to send in their payments. Our telephone personnel are from New York City. Southerners speak at vastly different rates from New Yorkers. Our policy is to be courteous, but we need to do more than that.‖ (Laborde, 1987, p 31) The most famous of all NLP rapport skills is the skill of matching the sensory system which the person is using to represent their thoughts in. NLP co-developer Richard Bandler talks about coaching a stereo and soundsystem retailer who didn‘t understand that his own sensory ―rep system‖ preference was auditory. He thought about the world in sounds, rather than in pictures or in body sensations. This, of course, helped him enjoy selling sound systems, but it didn‘t always make sense to his customers. Bandler explains ―He could rattle off specifications and all kinds of things to the customers and they weren‘t listening to him. They would come in and say, ―I want to look at some stereos.‖ This guy would respond by saying something like ―Well this one here has really good sound.‖ … Now because you have choices in your communication you can communicate the same idea in all rep systems. It‘s very possible to do that. Does this look interesting? Does it sound to you like
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
308
something you would pursue further? Perhaps get a little bit more of a handle on it? Can you see how subtleties like this can have you enjoy the sweet smell of success?‖ (Bandler and La Valle, 1996, p 29-30) NLP In Sales 3: Language Patterns It‘s only once you have the confidence that anchoring and reframing provide, and the sense of trust that rapport gives you, that you can use fancy sales ―language patterns‖ to full effect. Knowing all the linguistic sales techniques in the world doesn‘t help if you‘re nervous as you say them, or if the customer is already annoyed with you. To the extent that you feel confident and that your customers feel in rapport with you, a dramatic enhancement of purchasing decisions is possible when the salesperson can choose certain specific words and sentence structures. The words we hear powerfully shape our inner experience, and thus our purchasing decisions. Lets say I want to encourage you to be inspired about your unique market position. Imagine that I ask you not to think of your primary competitors in retail and consider the benefits they provide, and not to get anxious about that. ―Don‘t think of your competitors.‖ is a language structure containing what NLP calls an ―embedded suggestion‖ to ―think of your competitors‖. That‘s a totally different experience compared to asking you to stop and now think of your own vision and consider the ways in which your own situation, and your own approach create unique opportunities for your success. This emphasises that our language always contains ―language patterns‖. We cannot choose to create sentences free of suggestions. But we can choose to create sentences with the suggestions that we intend! NLP researcher Donald Moine at the University of Oregon studied 45 minute long audiocassette recordings of insurance salespeople. His sample included top producers from their companies, as well as "average" producers of sales. The highly successful salespeople used some very specific patterns of language as they talked. These patterns were not memorised, but they were naturally occurring and very effective! For example, the highly successful salespeople were more likely to tell stories about other successful purchasing experiences. The patterns that Moine discovered are all listed in the NLP ―Milton model‖, a compilation of influencing patterns identified early in NLP‘s history. They include, to give a few examples, what NLP calls: ―Embedded suggestions‖, which subtly suggest an action or response without directly telling the other person what they ―have to‖ do. The embedded suggestion is an encouraging phrase inside the obvious sentence. Richard Bandler gives several examples in his sales seminar book. ―Now this is my basic sales program: Induce good feeling; attach it to product. Or very importantly, you can also induce it and attach it to yourself, because you are a part of this, especially if it is a service, because you, like me, want the best for yourself. You like me want the best for yourself. Now this is a language pattern and we are going to get into those. They‘re fun.‖ (Bandler and La Valle, 1996, p 39-40) In his example here, ―You like me‖ is a suggestion embedded in that sentence. Most sentences have embedded suggestions, remember. What NLP is demonstrating is just that you can choose which ones you want to include. ―Pacing‖ followed by an ―equivalent‖, in which the salesperson says, for example, ―You‘re asking about getting the latest technology [keeping ―pace‖ with what the person has already said] which means you‘ll find this new generation MP3 player really exciting [suggesting that what they are doing already is the ―equivalent‖ of finding this new MP3 player exciting].‖ ―Metaphors‖, or stories of similar satisfactory purchasing decisions, which enable the person to step into the experience and imagine what the purchase will give them. ―Modal operators of possibility‖; statements which presuppose that purchasing is possible, rather than either challenging/impossible, or, on the other hand, being imposed on the person without choice. ―Conditional closes‖ where the salesperson says in effect ―So if I can show you how to meet this condition [such as the ability to afford the purchase] then are you convinced that this is right for you?‖ This powerfully suggestive language is part of the most successful salespeople‘s skill in enabling others to consider new possibilities and make decisions (Moines, 1981). By itself, it would give the salesperson just another set of ―tricks‖. In the context of rapport, it enables the purchasing decision to be elegantly and seamlessly negotiated. Different language patterns work with different customers, because language can be used to ―pace‖ the customers own way of thinking about a purchase. Verbally, you can do exactly what the internet enables online customers to do – to create a store which matches the customer‘s unique preferences. Here‘s an example…. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
309
Some people make purchases by simply looking for something that meets their criteria and buying it. Let‘s take the other extreme. Some people find that they make purchases almost in desperation, after anguishing over whether this is the right decision or not until they can‘t bear it any longer. For the person who makes effective and quick decisions, a salesperson who goes through a slow and cautious sales ―pitch‖ is just an annoyance. They just want to take the product to the counter and be told they made a great choice. For the person who usually anguishes even though the product meets their criteria, I can effectively pace their uncertainty by explaining, ―Well, sometimes you‘re never going to be completely sure that this is right for you and it might be useful to just accept that and get it home and find out if this is right for you or not.‖ Notice that I also include a useful embedded suggestion in the sentence – one that they would rebel against if I said it as a direct suggestion (―Be completely sure that this is right for you‖). Summary: Neuro Linguistic Programming is the study of how highly successful people get their results. It combines approaches from psychology, brain research and complex systems theory to provide a new way of assisting customers to make satisfying purchases. Three core examples of its use in the field of purchasing are: Getting yourself into a confident and inspired state of mind, by reframing the meaning of the marketing situations you are in, and by anchoring you back into the most powerful states of mind you have ever experienced. Creating rapport with your customers by matching subtle details of their body language and talking back to them in the language style (eg visual, auditory or kinesthetic) that best reflects or paces what they use. Using sophisticated language patterns within the context of confident state and of rapport. These powerful language patterns are always present in language, and NLP enables you to use them consciously to enable both your customers and you to meet desirable outcomes. These patterns enable you to align every word you say with your customers‘ personal style of thinking, and to incorporate into your language powerful positive suggestions. Bibliography: Anderson, C. ―The Simple Choice‖, p 53 in Newsweek Special Edition on The Knowledge Revolution, December 2005 – February 2006. Bandler, R. and La Valle, J. Persuasion Engineering™ Meta Publications, Capitola, California, 1996 Bolstad, R. Transforming Communication Pearsons, Auckland, New Zealand, 2004 Condon, W. S. "Cultural Microrhythms" p 53-76 in Davis, M. (ed) Interactional Rhythms:Periodicity in Communicative Behaviour Human Sciences Press, New York, 1982 Daviss, B. ―Tell Laura I Love Her‖ p 42-46 in New Scientist, Vol 118, No 2528, 3 December 2005 Fadiga, L., Fogassi, G., Pavesi, G. and Rizzolatti, G. ―Motor Facilitation during action observation: a magnetic stimulation study‖ p 2608-2611 in Journal of Neurophysiology, No. 73, 1995 Green, L. and Campbell, J. The Kiwi Effect Avocado Press, Wellington, New Zealand, 2004 Gurney, S. ―Gurney‘s Gossip‖ Online Edition 31 March 2003 (http://www.gurneygears.com/gossip.htm) Hatfield, E., Cacioppo, J. and Rapson, R. Emotional Contagion Cambridge University Press, Cambridge, 1994 Johnson, K. Selling With NLP Nicholas Brealey, London, 1994 Laborde, G. Influencing With Integrity Syntony Publishing, Mountain View, California, 1987 Legge, J. Chaos Theory & Business Planning, Schwartz & Wilkinson, Melbourne, 1990 Moine, D. "A psycholinguistic study of the patterns of persuasion used by successful salespeople" in Dissertation Abstracts International, 42 (5), 2135-B, University of Oregon, 271pp, Order = 8123499, 1981 O‘Connor, J. and Prior, R. Successful Selling With NLP Thorsons, London, 1995 Rizzolatti, G., Fadiga, L., Gallese, V. and Fogassi, L. ―Premotor cortex and the recognition of motor actions‖ p 131-141 in Cognitive Brain Research, No. 3, 1996 Rizzolatti,G. and Arbib, M.A. ―Language within our grasp‖ p 188-194 in Trends in Neuroscience, No. 21, 1998 Zaiss, C. and Gordon, T. Sales Effectiveness Training Penguin, New York, 1993
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
310
Examples Of NLP Sessions
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
311
Michael Yapko: One Session Depression Treatment Michael Yapko (Y): Hi, what is your name and what would you like some help with? Mike (M): Mike, and umm I‘ve been like carrying a lot of emotional baggage for a long time and ah and it just seems to affect me you know like daily. You know I can‘t seem to like break free of things you know, and mmm it just seems like there‘re constant reminders of things that have happened in the past. Y: So, when you say ‗emotional baggage‘, what do you mean exactly? M: In what way you mean? Or where did it come from? Y: All of the above. M: Ok [chuckles]. Y: Readers Digest version. M: Well a lot of it you know is from like the last 34 year of my life, it just seems like one bad thing after another you know, a lot of it stems from my father you know. Growing up was just seems like full of twists and turns you know, it was always a lot of hitting, kicking, slapping, throwing downstairs, hit with bats, belts, boots, umm verbally called probably every name you can think off umm you know past is probably you know running away, foster homes … its like [chuckles] it‘s like the tip of it Y: And so with that kind of pretty nasty background, how does it affect the choices that you are making today? M: It seems a lot of times that I second guess myself all the time, you know, I am not sure exactly which way to move without constantly replaying things in my head or, you know, just seems like I‘m kind of stuck in a gutter you know and I can‘t get out and so Y: Stuck in terms of your ability to do what? M: - function a lot of times. It seems like it weighs me down and you know I am married and have two children and it seems to affect them also, you know where there is an emotional distance a lot of times. Y: How does, how do those kinds of past experiences become a basis for emotional distance in your own family? M: Because it seems whether I talk to people or things, you know, there is a lot of times there could be facial expressions that people make or smells or just anything – it seems like pictures click when that happens and somebody may say something whatever and for a long time after I get home I may just be in another world, you know, just thinking, you know Y: Stewing about it, thinking about it? M: A little of both, you know, and I am always you know thinking may be I should have done this better, different. Y: Right, and when you say these kind of things to yourself, then what happens? M: I seem to get caught up in it you know umm. Y: Do you always hear that kind of running commentary going on through your mind, that kind of evaluation about yourself, that kind of assessment about how you are doing and what you said and what you did? M: Of course, yeah. Y: And do you always pay attention to it? M: A lot of times, I shouldn‘t say a 100% of the times, but yeah a lot of times I do. Y: How do you know whether it‘s worth listening to? M: I don‘t. Y: Have you ever had an experience of umm discovering that some of the things that run through your mind aren‘t particular helpful to you and you don‘t really need to focus on them? M: Yeah, there‘s been times you know I think that you know it just you know what somebody said or something just doesn‘t amount to whole lot you know. Y: And then, you let it go? M: Yeah, sometimes I do, but it seems like words can hurt you know worse than punches you know. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
312
Y: Ok, but if I criticise you, how do you know whether to pay attention to it, how do you know whether to listen to it, how do you know whether to take it seriously or whether to dismiss it? M: I seem to take a lot of things seriously. It could be just joking or whatever but I would take it seriously. Y: Ok, but the question I ‗m really asking is how do you know whether you should take it seriously? You are telling me that you do take it seriously, but I‘m asking you a question of how do you know you should? M: I don‘t. Y: Ok, seems to me that that would be a really valuable thing for you to be able to have is some internal mechanism that helps you decide whether or not it‘s worth paying attention to. And one of the things, I don‘t know if you ever talked to other people about the inner voices, that they have inside their own heads where they replay the bad things that have happened and the self-criticism that they generate and all the junk that goes on up there, but if you were to do what I do, which is when I have hundreds people in a room and ask them ―Who among you have good self-esteem?‖ Hands go up, not many but some hands go up. And I ask them ―Do you have an inner-critic, do you have a voice inside your head that criticises you, and says rotten things to you, and puts you down, says mean and horrible things to you?‖ And every single one says ―Yes‖. Then I ask them ―well, if you have a voice that says rotten things to you, how can you have good self-esteem?‖ And the interesting reply, it‘s always a little bit different but the common bottom line is - they don‘t listen to it. When I ask them ―How do you not listen to it?‖ that‘s when I start learning all kind of different strategies. One person will say ―Well, I picture it is being on a volume control knob and I just turn the volume down‖. Another says ―I picture it as a barking dog tied to a tree, and I just keep walking‖. Somebody else says ―Well, I have another voice on my shoulder that says good things to me‖. But the interesting thing is that every single person has that inner critic, that critical voice and it‘s just a question of whether they listen to it or not? Now to me that was a very-very powerful learning from being around and asking those kind of questions of literally thousands of people, but you‘ll notice in the question that I asked you ―Do you have some kind of mechanism whereby you don‘t have to listen to it where you decide ―It‘s not offering me anything valuable here, all it‘s doing it‘s just keeping me stuck in the gutter‖, as you said. Without that kind of a mechanism you will always be stuck listening to it and when is it ever going to say to you anything other than negative stuff? M: Right. Y: It‘s not as if it‘s ever going to say to you ―Gee, Mike you are good, gee Mike, you are wonderful. Aren‘t you the best? Aren‘t you lucky to be who you are?‖ You know. That‘s not what people who feel good about themselves do. So, you know in a way I‘m kind of giving you a target to aim for that of having an ability to develop a mechanism of not listening to it, when you know that it‘s taking you some place that you really don‘t want to go. Because when are you ever going to escape all the triggers? When are you going to escape the sounds, the smells, the images? You can be watching a television show, you can be watching a movie, you can, I mean the triggers are always going to be out there. We are not going to be able to change the external world. But what‘s going on inside your mind is eminently negotiable. M: Ok. Y: So, now, have you ever evaluated the value of the things that you tell yourself? Has there ever been an option for you in other words not to pay attention to it? M: I try to but a lot of times it you know seem to remember and it kind of always comes back you know. Y: It will but now the question is - how do you respond to it when you have the memories or when you have the images. When you have a memory come up of something bad that‘s happened to you, you can either focus on it or not. I‘d like to hear about the times that you do either. Tell me about the time that you do focus on it and what happens, and tell me about the times that you don‘t focus on it and tell me about what happens. M: The times I focus on bad things I just, I guess my escape from it you know is I just feel it build up you know and a lot of times at work or something I just have to get out of there real quick you know and I just seem to cry for a long time you know and that‘s probably how I just try to vent it out you know. The good times you know when people say things I guess a lot of times you have to prove them wrong you know, and umm I know that a lot of times when people say things that I guess it just, it seems to just you know like a magnet or something just stick on you know and it‘s hard to get away from it but a lot of times I just try to tell myself like ―No Mike, you know that‘s not true, you know‖ and, so it‘s hard you know, I mean it‘s not easy to just say ―Ah, forget it, it‘s not right you know‖
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
313
Y: No, it isn‘t easy but it‘s a skill worth developing, because you will have, I don‘t know, how many things thrown at you for the rest of your life? And the idea is to get good at being able to dodge them and weave them, and not take them in, not be a magnet for these things sticking on you. And there are a lot of different ways of accomplishing that. Have you done any kind of focusing work, hypnotic work, relaxation work, imagery work ever? M: No, no. Y: Now that would be a very interesting way for you to get absorbed in a different style of thought about these kinds of things. And if you are actually open to doing that kind of session, I‘d love to do that with you. M: Ok. Y: Do you feel OK about doing it? M: Yep. Y: OK, what I‘m gonna do is just talk about some different ideas, different possibilities. There isn‘t really anything that you have to do. But what I hope will happen is that as you listen to me you start to get more absorbed in the things that I‘m talking about, that it will start to open some different possibilities for you, different ways of responding because as I said it‘s not the world that is gonna change, it‘s gonna be your internal experience, how do you respond to these things. M: Ok. Y: So, if you feel OK about doing that, then I say just sit back in the chair, get yourself comfortable M: All right. Y: - and let me introduce the idea of focusing to you. M: All right. Y: If you are comfortable the way that you‘re sitting, that‘s fine, what I‘d suggest that you do is let your eyes close, take in a few deep breaths and [Y slows down his voice] just orient yourself for a couple of minutes to the notion of absorbing yourself in a different way of thinking about your own experience. Now, you probably haven‘t thought about it this way before, but when you get absorbed in the past, the negative feelings of things that have gone on, you can get so absorbed in it that you really don‘t see other ways of thinking, other ways feeling, but one of the things that‘s potentially valuable about taking a few minutes to sit quietly the way you are now is that it gives you the freedom to explore other parts of yourself. You know you are much-much more than your past Mike, and that phrase of being ―much more than your past‖ is going to surface at different times, and different places, but when I encourage you to start thinking a little differently about yourself and your experience, and to go exploring within yourself. There are strengths that you have, that you‘ve used to cope, that you‘ve used to build a different life for yourself, being married, having your own family, things that you have clearly left behind. Now in this kind of an experience where I invite you to step outside of your usual experience of yourself, there are several things that can be especially important: one is for you to know that your internal experience is changeable. And of course you‘ll notice that first in superficial ways – breathing slowing down, muscles getting more relaxed, mind wandering less and less, and then little by little as the momentum builds and you start to discover in yourself places and things that feel good to you, situations, even memories that you‘d forgotten about of things that were quite nice, the good people that you‘ve met along the way, people that went out of their way to do something nice for you, small things that you‘d forgotten about it. And little by little the reality of what I mean when I say that you are more than your past can start to drift in your awareness. You have goals, ways that you want the future to be different than the past, ways that you wanna be able to connect with your wife, your kids, ways that you wanna to evolve friendships with people, and all the while knowing that it‘s the things that you say to yourself through your thoughts that make all the difference in how you feel, now certainly you know that your mind is capable of generating lots of different things – audio clips and video clips from different life experiences. But it‘s so interesting when you are in a more comfortable state of mind to realize that those are things that can just drift past and never really stick to you, things that can just float by, that you never latch on to, or give time to, and when I said everyone has the voices what‘s interesting is how they can grow quiet, how they become easy to ignore, how other aspects of your experience can take over. There are already things that you‘ve done Mike that you wouldn‘t have predicted from your past and it‘s easy to appreciate that on impersonal levels as well as personal ones. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
314
A hundred years ago nobody would have predicted space shuttles and space stations – things change. A hundred years ago nobody would have predicted paved roads everywhere in this country or flying around the world in the matter of hours. And of course what I‘m really saying is for you to use your past to predict the future becomes more and more difficult as you begin to fill your future with more things that remind you that you are more than that, and it‘s literally as if a wall is built between what you‘re experiencing now and what you will experience tomorrow, and what you experienced before. And whether you use the actual image of the wall to separate past from present, present from future, or whether you use some other divider - all I know is - the things that have gone before have increasingly less and less influence on the choices that you make today, tomorrow, all your tomorrows. I want you to notice your breathing has slowed Mike, muscle tone is more relaxed, to get absorbed in a comfortable way, to know that you can go inside yourself and find good experiences, simple pleasures, the look on your child‘s face when you do something funny and unexpected, the simple things to remind you of the extraordinary range of feelings, you are capable of, perceptions you are capable of, understandings that you are capable of, and to slowly but steadily build a wall around what was in order to create endless array of possibilities for what can be. And in the same way that I say you are more than your past, I also want to remind you the future hasn‘t happened yet. Now, you noticed some shifts even in the way your body feels, and perhaps in your thoughts and perceptions as well. I really won‘t know until you‘re describing those understandings to me in a little while, but here is an experience that you are allowed because you trusted yourself in this very new situation with me, who you‘ve never met before, you trusted yourself to deal with whatever I might say or do, you trusted yourself to deal with the spontaneity, the unexpected and that‘s an important thing Mike, because there doesn‘t have to be trust out in the world or predictability out in the world or even safety out in the world. There only has to be your internal awareness that you can deal with it. And someone wise once said that the best way to predict the future is to create it. And with every interaction that you have with your own family, the one that you‘ve created, you have an opportunity to do things better, you have an opportunity to discover what‘s right about you. And so, at this point take a moment just to review different things that I said, your reactions, the things that you can take with you from this experience that you can really use, and if you find yourself remembering that there are a lot of different ways of responding to voices from the past, from turning down the volume button, to picturing a barking dog tied to a tree and just walking right passed it, or the ever popular therapist response ―Thanks for sharing‖, or any options that you generate that make it abundantly clear - you don‘t have to listen to what isn‘t useful. Take whatever time you want Mike to process your thoughts, feelings, reactions, take a moment to consolidate, absorb the deeper implications, and then when you feel like you are ready to and want to, you can start the process of reorienting yourself, reconnecting with this environment and me, letting your eyes open whenever you are ready, take your time. Y: Hi, how are you doing? M: Good. Y: Do you wanna tell me about it? M: I saw a lot of things. That I‘m capable of feelings, that I‘ve used talents that I thought I didn‘t have, but I have. Y: Were you thinking of specific examples during that time or just a general awareness? M: Just, general, yeah. Y: Aha, and how did that feel? M: Felt good. Y: Good, good. M: Felt real good. Y: Good. M: Almost like I could imagine like a little, like a wilted flower but I could imagine just even though things have got me down, that I‘m capable of standing up. Umm the other thing that I‘ve realised that I‘m limiting myself to everything whether it‘s work or you know umm. I also noticed that, I processed real quick just From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
315
different things that people have said over the past, but they aren‘t true. I also you know like saw my children you know and I just, I realised you know that I have a terrific influence over them, whether it‘s positive or negative, I have that influence over them Y: It‘s great that you realised that. M: - and the thing that the distance-wise I kind of really focused on it for a minute, and I‘m living in the past, I am not living in the present. It‘s from that accepting things for what they are, I‘ve already got them doomed before they start Y: It‘s a very important realisation. M: - and I understood about the walls you know umm it‘s almost like doors and windows, I am allowing whether it‘s emotions, but I pictured water coming through windows and doors Y: Mmm, it‘s a great image. M: - and so I am the one that has to close these windows and doors. And you know like the other thing I saw was like, I pictured like when you are cold, you get a blanket, and that was really interesting. Umm, and I also realised that I can be whoever I want to be or I do whatever I want to do you know umm Y: There‘ll always be people who tell you you can‘t. M: Yeah. Y: What are you gonna do? M: Well, what I realised umm what I hadn‘t thought about was, when I was talking about different abilities and things like I‘m capable of making things happen on my own Y: Yeah. M: - and I‘ve used that throughout my life but never took the time to think about it. Y: But you know my point about people are gonna tell you about you can‘t do what you want? I‘m hoping your response will be some variation of ―Thanks for sharing‖ M: [chuckles] Y: - your own individual response that way but to not take it in because exactly what you‘re saying about you are the one who makes it happen, so you get to choose, you get to choose, the fact that people throw stuff, so what? M: But I have a choice to listen or not to listen and so, I should, I need to take in the positive things and really process what people say in the sense like I can draw of things like you know encouragement umm but the funny thing is, and this is what I can‘t get over is, I never took like 5 minutes to just [exhaling] relax, I kind of walk around stressed, I walk around, but for a just I don‘t know if it was a minute, two minutes, three minutes whatever it was but I actually felt [exhaling]. Y: You could even see it in your body as well as in your face. M: Yeah. Y: See, and to me it‘s an important thing for you to be able to spend time with yourself in a way where you like what‘s in there. Where you can go inside and say ―There is good stuff in there, you know I can run, and play, and do whatever I want inside my head and it doesn‘t matter what‘s going on externally at those times‖ M: Right. Y: - and that‘s what‘s rejuvenating, that‘s what‘s replenishing, that‘s what highlights for you exactly what I meant at the end when I talked about the range of things that you are capable of, and when you have this much range to just stay right in one narrow band is certainly unnecessarily limiting, and you seem to get that. M: What comes to mind is I remember seeing on TV one time where somebody took a piece of paper and put a little dot and said ―What do you see?‖ and you focused in on that little dot. Y: So, it‘s all about perception, and seems like you‘ve got that, which is great. Is that the kind of experience, given that it was your first time with it and that you did this well, something that you‘d be interested in pursuing? M: Oh yes. Y: It would be a good skill, a really good skill for you to develop, and there are of doing that from perhaps the counsellor that you are working with can pick up and do these kinds of things with you but certainly there are, there is a world full of tapes, relaxation tapes, visualisation tapes, guided imagery tapes, those kinds of things, but more importantly developing the ability on your own. To be able just to sit down wherever you are whether From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
316
it‘s work or whatever, or even when you come home stressed, which is gonna happen, and you don‘t wanna take it out on your family, so you go and spend 10 minutes coming yourself down when you can come back in and you feel great about being with them and it shows, and it shows. And those are the things where you highlight to yourself over and over again ―I‘m good, you know I can do these things‖. You know reinforce for yourself that M: Right. Y: - that you are way past whatever was before – M: Yeah. Y: - it‘s important. M: [chuckles] Y: It‘s good. M: I feel real good. Y: That‘s good. M: I‘m, I need to step out of the side of what I am in. Y: Always, always. I mean to me one of the things that I hope will be a lasting thing from this session is that anything that floats through your brain isn‘t worth airtime until you decide it‘s worth airtime. I mean your brain is capable of generating all kinds of junk. My brain is capable I mean, umm the percentage of thoughts that I have that are actually worth paying attention to, I‘d hate to put a number on it but put it this way there are a lot of things that go flowing through my mind that aren‘t worth paying attention to. And that‘s true for any humanbeing. Not every thought‘s golden, not every insight‘s meaningful, not every perception is worth following up on, and for you, who hasn‘t previously had a discrimination strategy, an ability to decide is this worth focusing on or isn‘t it, where it‘s just been automatic for you to take it in and respond to it, I imagine it‘s been very-very stressful to try and keep up with all that, sort it and live with it, and M: It is. Y: - and what I‘m hoping you now have is a choice is of filtering out a whole bunch of stuff, spending the time with yourself in a way that‘s comfortable, and just getting a charge out of the little things, the smiles, the touches, the sunsets, all the little things that may have good. M: And it is good. Y: Yeah, you know. M: It is good, because Y: Overall. M: Yeah, it is. Y: Overall. I mean there is always crummy things that happen in life, but there is good things that happen too. M: Yeah. Y: It sounds actually like you got some good things going. M: I do. Y: Yeah, sounds it. M: I do. Y: Enjoy it. Very nice to meet you Mike. M: You too. Y: Thanks. OK, you did great. M: Thank you.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
317
David Sheppard: Eliminating Pigeon Phobia [Microphone preparation and clapping] David Sheppard: Are you comfortable? Denise Aspinall: A bit scared. DS: Oh, what, of birds. DA: Yes DS: Oh, alright DA: Them as well. DS: Them as well. So, what you‘re afraid of when they flap their wings and stuff like that? DA: Yes DS: So, can you umm; can you imagine that now; can you imagine being somewhere where the birds are flapping? DA: Yeah DS: Yeah? Is that kind of like when they‘re ; when they flap, ah when they fly up towards you [gestures up to her face]. DA: Yeah. [nervous look] DS: Oh yeah, that looks … and so we can definitely see present state associated. Yep; OK, so ummm, how, how do you do it? DA: Well you‘re kind of, walking along, and there‘s a pigeon, and then it just flaps, and you have to kind of get out of the way quickly. DS: Oh right. DA: Really quickly DS: Oh right; so how do you know it‘s time to do it. [Eliciting the strategy] DA: Well you see a pigeon. DS Oh right, you see the pigeon. DA: Well pigeons are particularly bad because there‘s too many of them. DS: There are quite a few, yeah. DA: They really ought to be shot actually. DS: Oh really; right, yeah; so how do you really feel about this? [laughs] DA: About pigeons? [laughs] DS: Yeah. ―Pigeons should be shot.‖ What are the presuppositions in this statement. DA: There‘s some sitting on the roof of my office. I have a skylight, and they scratch the skylight; you think they‘re going to come in. It‘s a bit freaky. DS: Yeah I see what you mean. You‘ve got yourself in a bit of a flap. [laughs. ―in a flap‖ = upset in English] DA: Yeah [laughs] DS: Yeah, well lets, like, lets say that you‘re going to go on holiday, and so there‘ll be nobody here to have your problem. I‘m from a temporary phobia agency. People hire me to have their phobias for them, ‗cause we wouldn‘t want you to get fired from your phobia, you see. You know, when you get back we‘d want you still to have a job. So, you know, I‘ve got to fill in for you for a day. And I don‘t know how, I don‘t know how to do it. So, teach me how to, how to like, do the phobia thing. What‘s the first thing that has to happen you know, for you to do this? DA: Well first you have to see a few pigeons. DS: OK, do you see what, do you see a picture? DA: Well, you know you‘re walking in the park and they‘re there aren‘t they. DS: OK, but now, I mean you can do it now can‘t you, without them. DA: I seem to be able to. Yes, DS: So I mean what do you do – do you see a pic… you must have to see a picture of the pigeons in your…. DA: I see a picture yeah. DS: Is it a big picture or a small picture? DA: It‘s sort of this kind of size [gestures about 30cm square] DS: Oh, this kind of size. OK, this kind of size. [copies gesture] Could it be; could it be a smaller picture and still work? DA: Ah, I suppose it could be a small pigeon. DS: A small pigeon. OK. It could be a small pigeon and still work. Oh OK, right, OK. So I‘ve got this picture here yeah, right…. DA: I don‘t want it to be any bigger. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
318
DS: Oh, OK, what would happen if I made it bigger? DA: Oh, that would be too scary. DS: Oh, right, OK. So we‘ll keep it nice and small right. [gestures 5cm across] DA: [hesitantly] Yeah. DS: OK, and could it be further away and still work? DA: No, no it doesn‘t work as well when they‘re up there [points to upper corner of room] DS: Oh right, OK. DA: It only works well when they‘re here [gestures to floor in front of her] around about DS: Right, when they‘re here [gestures to floor] Right, OK, so ah I‘ve got to make a picture then, of this pigeon, and not have it right over there [gestures to far corner] DA: No, not have it right over there; can‘t have it right over there; you definitely can‘t have it over there. DS: Right, I have to make sure I don‘t have it, put it over there. DA: No, definitely don‘t put it over there, else you‘d get fired as well. [laughing] DS: Yeah, yeah, and I need the money so, so how do you do this again? DA: You‘re walking through…. DS: Oh is it a colour picture or black and white? DA: Colour. DS: Colour; OK. Could it be a black and white picture and still work? DA: Ah, not as well, but it could still work. DS: It could still work; OK. OK, is it a bright picture or a dark picture? DA: Bright. DS: OK. Could it be really dark and still work? DA: No, cause you probably wouldn‘t be able to see the pigeons would you. DS: Ah, right, OK. Right; I think I‘m getting this now. I‘m just sorry you have to help me out. So after; I‘ve got to, I‘ve got to make a picture of a pigeon, that‘s not right over in the corner of the room and not dark. DA: That‘s right. DS: Right, OK. So, how do you do this again? Oh, I know, just a second, is it a – this is no laughing matter – is it a movie or a still? DA: Oh, God, it‘s definitely a movie. DS: It‘s definitely a movie? DA: Oh definitely. You can‘t; they can‘t do it without doing all this business [flaps her arms] . DS: Right, OK, so, so could it be a still and still work? DA: Oh no. DS: You know it‘d be kind of like [ demonstrates still of a pigeon with wings half spread and surprised look. All laughing] DA: No, because if they have their wings pinned, you know, tied up…. DS: Oh, if they were tied up it wouldn‘t work. DA: I never thought of that before. DS: OK, so I‘ve got to make sure I‘ve got a picture that‘s not right over in the corner of the room… DA: You know if this doesn‘t work, you could become a pigeon tier-up-erer. DS: I‘d never thought of that. I‘ve got to… stop interrupting me pattern. Now I‘ve got to… [laughing] You be the straight one; I‘ll do the jokes, all right. So I‘ve got to make a picture of a pigeon that‘s not way distant in the corner, not dark, and not a still [gestures still pigeon again]. DA: No, no, it can‘t be still, because you won‘t be able to do it if it‘s a still. DS: Oh right; could it still work if the pigeon had a – like a Biggles helmet on? [laughing] Cause they do you know. You can see them when they‘re flying. ―Tally-ho chaps. Bandits at 3 o‘clock‖ ―OK Binky‖. Brrrrrrrr [airplane sound. Biggles is a fictional World War 2 British fighter pilot and the words are an imaginary instruction to his plane crew.] DA: I don‘t think it could work. DS: No? DA: No, cause I‘d probably laugh. DS: ―OK Binky‖ That‘s what they do. They‘re flying along singing the Dam Busters theme, you know. [The Dam Busters is a film about British bomber pilots attacking German dams in the war.] DA: How does that go? DS: [hums Dam Busters theme] DA: Oh right, Oh that one. DS: That one; that‘s when they‘re on a bombing run. You have to make sure you‘re indoors then, or you get covered in shit. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
319
DA: I don‘t think it would work if they were wearing Biggles… no. DS: It wouldn‘t? OK, right, OK, so it‘s a picture then, it‘s not in the corner of the room, not dark, not a still [gestures still bird] and not with the [gestures Biggles goggles]. So, after you‘ve seen the picture, what happens, what happens next? DA: Umm, well I usually get out of the way quick. DS: As soon as you see the picture, or do you say anything to yourself; do you hear any sounds or…? DA: Well I say to myself ―They might fly up at me, so I‘d better move quick.‖ DS: OH, right, OK,OK, and do you say that in a loud voice or a quiet voice? DA: Ummm, it‘s usually; I think it‘s usually quite loud. DS: Quite loud; OK. Could it be in a quiet voice and still work? DA: Well no, I might not hear, and then I might not get out of the way. DS: Oh right, OK, right. Right, OK, not in Donald Duck‘s voice then. DA: [laughs] No. DS: [imitates Donald Duck quacking voice].No, not that, OK. DA: I quite like Ducks actually. DS: Oh you quite like ducks. Oh right, OK. Even though they flap, OK. You‘re OK as long as you don‘t find a duck in flap. DA: What? DS: Have to be careful how you say that. [laughing] Could come out completely different couldn‘t it. What is a plap? DA: It‘s one of those [gestures reverse flap]. DS: So, it‘s not in Donald Duck‘s voice, and it, I‘ve got to make sure it‘s not a quiet voice; I haven‘t got to make sure I turn the volume all the way down. DA: No, no, cause you need to be warned in case it [gestures flying up]. DS: OK, so help me out here; I think I‘m getting this now. So, how do you do this again? Is it a stereo voice or a mono voice? DA: I don‘t know really. No, I don‘t know. DS: OK, right. OK, right; so how do you do it again? [she looks puzzled]. Do you say it fast or slow? DA: Fast. DS: OK, could it be slow and still work? DA: Nooooo. For goodness sake. DS: [Demonstrates ultra slow deep voice with slow flap movement.] Could it be backwards and still work. [Demonstrates backwards voice followed by still of flapping]. DA: No DS: Oh dear. What was the problem again? DA: The pigeons; they were the problem weren‘t they. DS: They were a bit of a problem. DA: Ummm. In case they fly. DS: In case they fly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although they‘ve got a very interesting walk. You know [Demonstrates head bobbing walk with wide open eyes]. It‘s almost as if they‘ve got a little walkman on in there; listening to a song recording. … My uncle keeps pigeons. DA: Oh God! How do you do that? DS: They‘re, they‘re … I tell you what, in their kind of pigeon loft; their loft‘s central heated, but his house isn‘t. It‘s quite bizarre. DA: Have you thought of working with him at all? DS: Working with him; no. No, not really, not really, no. [Turns to group] So do we think we‘ve got it loosened up a little bit?... Probably have, haven‘t we. OK, so now we‘ve got it nice and loosened up; also this is a total reframe, because your clients don‘t expect to come and see, like a therapist about a phobia, and then have him laughing all the time, and then to be sat with a complete madman. And what they start; they‘re going like ―I think I‘ve got problems, but this guy he is crazy‖; so [gestures still flap; laughing]…. [gestures crashing of plane]. DA: They‘d have helmets on though. DS: Well hopefully DA: No that‘s not the thing. Take their helmets off. DS: OK. Take their helmets off; OK, right. So… now I‘m just going to do Time Line Therapy to actually finish the job and get rid of it. OK? DA: Mm-hmm.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
320
DSOK, so ask your unconscious mind, what‘s the root cause or the first event of this phobia, such that if we were to disconnect it, it would cause the phobia to disappear from the life‘s record. If you were to know, was it before, during or after your birth? DA: After. DS: Good, and at what age? DA: Two DS: Great. And you know where your time line is right? DA: Mmm-hmm DS: OK, so just float up in the air above your time line, staying really nice and high above your time line because you can be comfortable whilst you‘re above your time line, and ask your unconscious mind to float you over the past to position number one, which is above the event and before; and after the event as you face into the past; so the first event is below you and in front of you as you face the past. Just tell me when you get there. DA: OK, I‘m there. DS: Great. Now float to directly above the event, looking down on the event, staying nice and high, and ask your unconscious mind what was there to learn from this event, the learning of which will enable you to let go of the fear and the phobia, easily and effortlessly. Make sure they‘re positive learnings about yourself that you can use in the future to create new choices for yourself. And ask your unconscious mind to preserve those learnings in the place that you preserve all such learnings, so that if you need them in the future, they‘ll be there. Do you have the learnings? DA: OK, yeah. DS: Yeah; OK great. So now stay nice and high above your time line, float to position number three, which is before the event and up above the event, turn around and face now, so that the event‘s below you and in front of you as you‘re facing now; make sure you get nice and high above and nice and far back from this event. DA: Mmm-hmmm. DS: Yeah; then ask yourself ―Now, where‘s the emotion?‖ Did it disappear? DA: There doesn‘t seem to be anything there. DS: There doesn‘t seem to be anything there? OK, that‘s good. Test it. Let‘s go down into the event, into your, squeeze into your little two year old body at the time, looking out of your own eyes. Has all the emotions totally disappeared in that event? DA: Yeah, yeah! There‘s a little sparrow. DS: Oh, sparrow? DA: But it‘s OK. DS: OK? Oh that‘s alright. OK. Now come back to position number three. Yep, that‘s it. Now ask your unconscious mind to bring you all the way back to now, only as quickly as your unconscious mind can release all the emotions on all the subsequent events , preserve any further learnings, and release the emotions all the way back to now. DA: OK DS: How we doing? Back in now? DA: Mmmm-hmm. DS: OK, then come back in the room. DA: OK DS: [looking out to room] Do you think things look different from up here? DA: Yeah DS: They do don‘t they. DS: It is warm up here; I know that now… DS: It is isn‘t it. Yeah, I bake up here. Oh yes, it‘s very hot, hot up here. I have to sit and look at these people all day, you know. DA: They‘re very beautiful. DS: They are, they are aren‘t they. You have to remember that perception is projection. [laughing] OK, so what we‘re going to get you to do is try and get your old problem back. DA: [eyes search around] I don‘t seem to be able to find it; a fear of pigeons. DS: Uh-oh. You may have lost your skill. DA: Oh no DS: Try really hard. DA: OK. You told me you were good at this. DA: I am; I was. I can see pigeons but it‘s not bothering me DS: OK, can you see pigeons flapping? From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
321
DA: Yeah DS: OK, so can you think of an event in the past where, if you thought about it previously, it would have brought up that old fear, you know the… DA: Yeah, this morning. I walked about ten minutes out of my way to avoid a man who was feeding pigeons. DS: Oh right, OK, right. And now, when you think about that now? DA: I just; just walked past him. DS: Oh, alright, good. And can you think of an event in the future, an event in the future which, if you‘d thought about it in the past would have caused you to have that old problem, and notice how that‘s different now. DA: That‘s fine, yeah, yeah! That‘s good. DS: Fine yeah, good. Now we‘re not suggesting that you‘re going to become a pigeon lover or anything like that you know, but at least you can be comfortable around them. DA: Mmm. That‘s OK. DS: Yeah? We done? DA: Yeah DS: Cool, excellent. [clapping from audience]
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
322
Steve Andreas and Lori: Bee Phobia Steve Andreas: "Lori, I haven't spoken to you at all." Lori: "No." Steve: "You talked with Michael, I guess." Lori: "Umhmm." Steve: "I don't know what kind of outrageous promises he's made." (smiling) Lori: (laughing) "I won't tell you. I won't tell you what he promised." Steve: "Anyway, you have a phobia, which we won't tell them (the group) about, OK.?" Lori: "All right." Steve: "And, it's a very specific thing, right?" Lori: "Umhmm." Steve: "Is it just one thing, or is it kind of a class of things?" Lori: "It's one thing." Steve: "Just one. OK. And what I'd like you to do first—Well, think of it right now. If one of these were flying around right now " Lori: "Ohhh!" (She rolls her head around in a counter- clockwise circle, laughing tensely.) Steve: "This is what we call a 'pretest.' That's fine; come back. (Lori is still laughing nervously) Look at the people here Look at me Hold my hand." Lori: "Thank you.... OK." Steve: "We're not going to do stuff like that, right? OK." Lori: "OK. Whew!" Steve: "Now look out at the folks here. How is it just being in front of these folks?" (Lori looks out at the group.) "Is that a little nervous-making too?" Lori: ( breathes out strongly) "Not bad." Steve: "Is that OK?" Lori: "Yeah, that's fine." Steve: "OK. You've got a friend over there, right?" Lori: "Yeah." Steve: "He's got a nice smile." Lori: "He sure does. He's a great friend." Steve: "Yeah, good. OK. Now what I'd like you to do first, before we do anything—the whole procedure by the way is very simple, and you won't have to feel bad and stuff like that. But we need to make a few preparations. What I'd like you to do first, is imagine being in a movie theater." Lori: "OK." Steve: "And this might be easier with your eyes closed " Lori: "All right" (She closes her eyes.) Steve: "And I want you to see a picture up on the screen, of yourself—a black and white snapshot. And it could be of the way you're sitting right now, or something you do at home or at work . . . . Can you see a picture of yourself?" Lori: (Nods)"Umhmm." Steve: "Is that pretty easy for you?" Lori: "Uhhuh." Steve: "Good. Now I want you to leave that black-and-white picture on the screen, and I want you to float out of your body that's sitting here in the chair, up to the projection booth of the movie theater. Can you do that? Take a little while."... Lori: "OK." Steve: "OK, so from now on I want you to stay up in that projection booth.Can you see yourself down in the audience, there?" Lori: (smiles slightly) "Umhmm." Steve: "And you can also see the black-and-white picture up on the screen?' Lori: "Yeah." Steve: "OK. Of yourself?" Lori: "Yeah." Steve: "Pretty interesting." Lori: (laughs) "It's good.") Steve: "Do you know you could go to a workshop on 'Astral Travel' and pay $250 to learn how to do this?" Lori: (laughs.) From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
323
Steve: "OK, now I want you to stay up in that projection booth, and see yourself down in the audience, and see that black-and-white picture on the screen of yourself." Lori: "Umhmmm." Steve: "Got that?" Lori: "Umhmm," Steve: "OK, I want you to stay up in that projection booth, until I tell you to do something else." Lori: "OK." Steve: "So you can kind of see through the glass, and there are holes in the glass so you can hear the movie, because we're going to show a movie pretty soon. What I want you to do is run a movie of yourself in one of those bad times when you used to respond to that particular thing. And run it from beginning to end, and you stay back in that projection booth. You might even put your fingers on the glass and feel the glass. Just run a whole movie, clear to the end. See yourself freaking out over there, in response to one of those situations. That's right. Take all the time you need, and just let me know when you get to the end." Lori: "It's hard to get to the end." Steve: "OK. What makes it difficult?" Lori: "It just seems to stop. The thing seems to go over and over." (Gesturing with her right hand in a circle.) "The particular incident, goes over and over and over and doesn't seem to have an end, although I know it ended." Steve: "OK. So it tends to go over and over and over." Lori: "Umhmm." Steve: "OK. Let's speed up the movie. How many times does it have to go over and over before you can get to the end?"... Lori: "Um, half a dozen." Steve: "OK. So let it flip through half a dozen, so it'll let you get to the end.. . . And when I say 'end,' I mean after the whole thing happened and you're back normal again."... Lori: "OK." Steve: "OK. Got to the end?" Lori: "Umhmm." Steve: "Was that fairly comfortable for you, watching that?" Lori: "A little uncomfortable, but not bad." Steve: "A little uncomfortable, but not bad. Not like the real thing." Lori: "No." Steve: "OK. Now in a minute I'm going to ask you to do something, and I don't want you to do it until I tell you to go ahead. What I want you to do is to get out of the projection booth, and out of that chair in the audience, and go into the movie at the very end, when everything's OK and comfortable. And then I want you to run the whole movie backwards, including those six times around. Have you ever seen a movie backwards, in high school or something?" Lori: "Yeah." Steve: "OK. I'm going to have you run it backwards in color, and I want you to be inside it, so it's just like you took a real experience, only you ran it backwards in time, and I want you to do it in about a second and a half. So it will go 'Bezzzoooouuuuuurrrrrpppp,' about like that" Lori: "OK." Steve: "OK. Go ahead. Do that"... Lori: (takes a deep breath, shudders) "Whooof!" Steve: "OK. Did you come out on the other side all right?" Lori: "Yeah." (laughing) Steve: "A little weird in the middle there, eh?" Lori: (shaking her head and continuing to laugh) "Ooooh." Steve: "OK. Now I'd like you to do that a couple more times, and do it faster. So go into the end, right at the end, jump into it, and then go 'Bezourp,' real fast, through the whole thing."... "Now do it a third time, real fast."... Lori: "OK." Steve: "OK. Was it easier the third time?" Lori: "Umhmm." Steve: "OK. Now, that's all there is to it" Lori: (opens her eyes, looking very skeptical, grabs the chair with both hands, shakes her head, and then starts laughing loudly)"I'm glad I didn't pay for this one!"
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
324
Steve: "Fine. It's all right. We love to joke. Joking is one of the nicest ways to dissociate. Think about it. When you're joking, when you're having a humorous response to something, there's really no way to do it other than popping out for a while, looking at yourself, and sort of putting a different frame around what's happening, such that it's funny. It's a really valuable way of dissociating. We believe that dissociation is the essence of a lot of humor—not all, there are different kinds of humor, and so on. But we definitely recommend it." … "Now, Lori, would you imagine now that one of these little critters— came." (gesturing with one finger, like the flight of a bee, toward Lori) Lori: "OK." Steve: "What's it like?" Lori: "Um hay de hay." (at a loss for words, and begins laughing) ―Um. . . .‖ Steve: "Do you still have it (the phobia)?" Lori: (Looking down, surprised.) "No!" (She laughs and puts her hand on her chest) Steve: "This is a nice response because it looks like, 'What?' Consciously she's expecting to have this (old) response. She's had it for—how long have you had this?" Lori: "Twenty years." Steve: "She's had the response very, very dependably for twenty years. It's been a very unpleasant and overwhelming response. There's a very strong conscious expectation. And what you saw there, was this conscious expectation, 'Ooooh! It's going to be terrible,... What?"' Lori: (laughing) "It's true." Steve: "Now let's make it a real bad one, you know. Have one come in and land on your hand or something." (Lori looks down at her hand.) "Can you imagine that?" Lori: "Umhmm." She shakes her head in disbelief. "Whew!" Steve: "What's it like?" Lori: "Ummmm...." (Neutrally, shrugging her shoulders) "It's like having one sitting on my hand." Steve: "That's a typical answer—is what's so funny 'It's like being in an elevator, you know.' Isn't that a mindboggler?" Lori: "Yeah, it is! Because I had that happen within the first year after the first incident, I had one land on me, Woof!" Steve: "And it was different, right?" Lori: "Yeah!" (looking down at her hand again.) This session took less than seven minutes, in January 1984. Lori's nonverbal response to bees in her imagination was clearly very different at the end of the session than it had been at the beginning. Several times during the next summer Steve asked if she had seen any bees, because he wanted to know what her "real world" response had been. Each time she said she hadn't seen any bees. Finally in December 1984, he took ajar with about a dozen honeybees to her house. In a videotaped follow-up interview she comfortably held the jar with bees and examined them closely. When he let several of them out of the jar, she watched them crawling on her living room window without any reaction. A bee was in her house, and this time, so was she. Now it is more than five years since the session, and Lori reports that she still hasn't noticed any bees, though she admits, "They must have been around me."
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
325
Richard Bolstad: RESOLVE Pain The following transcript covers the first half of an NLP session which occurred in October 2002. The full session is available on DVD. It demonstrates the structuring of an NLP session using the RESOLVE model which I have discussed previously (Bolstad, 2002, reviewed in Anchor Point December 2002). It also demonstrates various responses to an extremely sceptical client. Resourceful State Richard: Okay, so you‘ve got a couple of things that you wanted to change J. You‘ve got the issue of some pain that you‘ve had first of all, that may be quite simple to change, J: Oh great. Richard: ..but you‘ve had that for some months. Establish Rapport J: Yes, yes I have. Richard: And is that something that is continuously there or does that change? J: It does change, however, I‘m on codeine.... Richard: Right, right. : ...so the codeine allows me to function normally, and if I don‘t have that, then I find myself getting a bit irritable. Richard: Right, it‘s almost like when you don‘t have that it‘s at the back of your mind all the time – that discomfort. And so does it sort of come and go during the day? Like, when is it less obvious? J: Well, it‘s sort of less obvious when I‘m drugged. Richard: Right. Is there any other time it‘s less obvious? When you wake up in the morning is it...? J: No, because the drugs seem to even the whole mood thing out with relation to the pain. I know that it‘s more extreme in the morning before I‘ve taken my pills and if I don‘t sort of take them at 2 o‘clock and leave it until 3, 4 or 5 o‘clock, then my mood tends to... Richard: Got it. J: Yeah, okay, so it‘s more the discomfort comes on and it affects how I interact. Specify Outcome Richard: Yeah okay. So your aim with that would be to have that completely go away. I mean that would be ideal wouldn‘t it? Or ah, certainly like obviously pain is a way that your body lets you know that something is happening, so you don‘t want to have no pain at all in your life, I guess, but you want to be able to know in a more comfortable way and not continuously through your life. You just want to know if something has changed or .... J: It‘s just this particular pain which is the result of surgery and scar tissue basically. Richard: Right. So ideally then you would not notice that at all, or you‘d have some way of making it go away each day. J: Yeah exactly, so that I‘d function basically normally without codeine. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
326
Richard: Yeah. That would be an advantage then; not to have to have that codeine to do that and that would mean that I guess you‘d feel more in charge of yourself then. J: Yeah totally. Richard: Yeah, okay. I suppose I‘m wondering as you describe that; it‘s come from something that has happened with surgery. That means that probably you‘ve talked to a doctor about the pain. What kind of things have they said to you about it? J: I‘ve had some really interesting communication with different doctors who are really good at communicating and others who aren‘t and the worst experience was when one doctor said ―Well, it sounds like it‘s neuropathic pain. You‘ll probably have it for the rest of your life so you‘d better live with it.‖ You‘re just going to have to learn to live with it, and that was horrible. Not nice. Richard: That was shattering almost. J: It was shattering, so I thought well thanks doc. You‘ve showed me the bottom of the swimming pool and now I can push myself my way out. But I didn‘t. That‘s really affected the whole thing. And when I got my MRI results back, my cancer was all gone, but they said there‘s a lot of scar tissue from the radiation and the surgery showing and that news – that I would have this pain maybe forever you know, it overshadowed the fact that my MRI was clear from cancer. Richard: Right. Like great, I‘m alive for a long time and putting up with that, was the sort of thing. J: Yeah, so that‘s the impact that it‘s had on me. Richard: Right. So when you heard that, that‘s what it seemed to mean, or that‘s what they told you it meant, that there was this large area of scar tissue there implied that it would be there forever. J: They implied that that was the cause of the pain. They didn‘t sort of imply to the degree that the length of time that it would be there, but other doctors and people I‘d spoken to had told me stories about people who have had this pain for a long time and others who had woken up after six years and it was gone. Which was wonderful but, 6 years? Richard: That seems silly doesn‘t it because if they could wake up after 6 years and have it gone, why couldn‘t they wake up next week and have it gone. J: Yes, yes. Richard: What do you think about that, that someone could wake up one day and have it gone? J: Well, I think that sort of would be quite miraculous. Richard: Yeah. Would you believe that! That those stories that they told you that people could wake up and it could be gone? J: Well, I wanted to believe them, I wanted to believe them. Richard: That means you wanted to but it was hard to with all the other stuff you‘d heard. J: Yeah. It was you know, I like to have knowledge about, I like to understand what‘s happening, and I guess my understanding gets me in trouble sometimes when if I didn‘t understand about it, I‘d just accept that it could just go like that did, then it might just go like that and maybe my knowledge helps me to hold onto it a bit longer. I don‘t know. Richard: Well ah see, one of the interesting things is which information people collect, who are health professionals. I mean, you know, I‘m trained as a nurse, and one of the NLP trainers who works with me, Bryan From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
327
Royds, his partner Susi is a GP so she‘s a doctor, and it was her who first explained to me this thing about lower back pain and she pointed out that in the research what they‘ve found is that when people have lower back pain, they actually, by paying attention to it over some years, somehow that seems to instruct their body to grow new connections into that area with pain receptors on them, so that the pain actually gets more easy for them to notice. And she was pointing out that what that means is that there‘s a constant to-ing and fro-ing around the body and your body is deciding whether you want information from a particular place or not and making that decision it then supplies receptors there or removes them and so that‘s an important thing and one thing I guess it‘s part of is a whole new understanding that‘s developing about how the body deals with itself because you know, when a doctor talks to you and says ―Well this is the way your body is so that‘s the way it will stay,‖ it‘s almost sometimes, it seems to me, like what they might be saying is if we go in there and do something, things will change, but if we don‘t do anything that will stay the same. And it doesn‘t make any sense does it because I mean you know, it‘s your body. It‘s done so many things for you. Whenever you‘ve cut your hand, it‘s healed up. You know you‘ve had influenza so many times, and it‘s totally resolved the issue for you, cleansed your body completely, and you‘ve had situations before of course, where you‘ve had pain and your body has dealt with it in a different way to what they‘re telling you. Like you‘ve even had situations where you‘ve cut yourself and not noticed it until you got into a situation where you‘ve had time to look at it and then realised ―Oh wow, I‘ve cut myself.‖ And then it hurts. And it‘s intriguing to think ―Why didn‘t it hurt until you noticed it there?‖ you know? And that‘s what they‘re saying. Not that your body is doing anything wrong. I mean it‘s trying to do the very best it knows how to do when it does that. Of course when it gets your attention by, I mean that‘s the whole point of pain isn‘t it? It‘s to get your attention. And so your body thinks it‘s doing a job by doing that. I wouldn‘t want to discourage it from making sure it has your attention when it needs to. It‘s just that this time it could actually completely let go of your attention from that area while it heals the scar tissue. You know that‘s another important thing isn‘t it, that scars of course can heal and in fact that that‘s something that does actually happen and that that‘s something that‘s part of your experience as well because you‘ve had cuts on your hand and when you look at it as they heal that there‘s a little scarring there and your body removes that in a small way. And you expect that to happen in a small way of course with your hand, but because a doctor is the first person…. I mean you‘ve never had this kind of surgery before. J: No I haven‘t. Richard: So you‘ve got nothing to compare it to so when you go to see the doctor it‘s easy to understand why you‘d think ―Well, she or he is probably an expert and probably knows.‖ And it‘s quite interesting to realise that the main contact that surgeons in particular have with that kind of scarring is in the recovery period soon after surgery, and they don‘t necessarily know what things happen afterwards or what things are possible in this fuller detail. But certainly one of the nice things would be if you could have a belief that this could change in that way. Because although we may have some way of affecting this, if you are going to allow it to happen, you can see that that thing that my friend Susi Kent is saying is really that your attention to something, the way you focus your mind on something, has something to do with whether your body heals in a certain way or another way. J: Or whether that pain stays or goes. Richard: Yeah. What that means is that your belief that it can go is the number one thing that‘s needed in order for it to go. Because if someone had the belief that it was going to stay there then it‘s almost like that was an instruction to their body. And an accidental instruction because I‘m sure none of those doctors really intended to cause anything other than comfort when they – they just didn‘t know how it all works in there. J: I think too that I visualise it, the scar tissue softening or something and the nerves all going through it as opposed to being blocked and sending back negative messages. I guess if I believe that if it‘s softening even now, then it‘s a very quick process. I presume possibilities. Richard: Yeah, you know, you can probably experiment with it now, I mean the way that your attention makes a difference to it. Like for example I guess you can feel something in that area right now. Can you? J: Yeah. I feel a bit umm.. Richard: Right. Now if you put your attention there. If you pay attention to that area like say we rate that at 100% now, the way that the discomfort feels now, then probably if you put your attention there, you could increase it by 10%. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
328
J: Yep. Richard: That‘s pretty good. Just like that. J: Just like that. (laughs) Richard: That was interesting wasn‘t it? Because of course that means that you could now decrease it by 20 and reduce it to 90. J: Mmmm. Harder to do that. Not as easy to go down. Richard: Right. So it seems like it‘s easier to increase it? J: Yes. Because for me attention focuses, but it‘s always an increase. Richard: Right. So you expect that you would be able to increase it with your attention. J: Mmm. Richard: Right. How would it ever get back to normal then? To the way it was when it was 100? J: Well, when I‘m not paying attention to it. Richard: Oh, okay. So you‘re saying the way that we could solve this would be if we could shift your attention so that your attention doesn‘t go to that area, then we‘d be able to reduce it down to... J: Yes, and I‘ve worked on premises like that, with mindful meditation and I can‘t quite get the link between meditating and doing it, and actually interacting with the world and doing it. Richard: Yeah, I see. So it‘s one thing to be able to do it when you‘re sitting still and having your attention under your control basically, but it‘s another thing when there‘s any number of other events happening around you. J: Mmm. And I think it has, even in the short time that I‘ve had it, in the 10 months that I‘ve had it, it has served a useful purpose, you know. Richard: And what would that be? J: Well, if people are ill then people know that they‘re ill you know; lots of people find out and ring up, ask how I am, how treatment is going and yeah, I‘ve realised that it‘s quite nice to have that and all that sort of thing. Richard: Right, so you have a background where you understand that idea of secondary gain? J: Yes, yes. Richard: Yeah, so it‘s kind of like you want some other way of having people, making sure that people contact you and stuff like that. J: And that‘s fine, I mean you know. As you say, because of my background, I‘m aware of secondary gain. Richard: Yeah. J: And I‘m okay if I don‘t, I think I‘m okay if I don‘t have it. Richard: Yeah. You could let this go, phew, okay that‘s good. So you understand that whole idea and you understand like are there any places that it‘s important to have it? Do you need it to be able to talk to your
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
329
doctor? It doesn‘t matter. It‘d be okay to say to your doctor ―It‘s gone. I was one of those people who woke up and it was gone.‖ J: That‘s why it didn‘t take me 6 years. Richard: That‘s right. And then you‘d make sure they tell the next person. Actually we had a woman and she came in and it was a few months! J: Yeah, and I would actually include it in my thesis, and explain to them what damage they can do depending upon the type of personality they‘re dealing with. Richard: Yeah. Yeah. It‘s interesting isn‘t it? J: Mmm. It is interesting. Open up model of the world Richard: So you‘ve done a bit of relaxation and meditation before and you‘ve had the experience of being in a state that you‘d call a trance like state? J: Yes, I‘ve....the last few days I‘ve noticed that. Richard: Oh good, okay; okay. So when you‘re in a trance like state; can I ask you know, if you‘re in a trance like state, what happens to the discomfort then? Or you haven‘t noticed? J: I have noticed that at times when – I guess when I‘m focused on something else then it does so therefore if I‘m focused on – if I‘m dissociating and meditating then I‘m dissociated from that, then that sensation can go with any other sensation I choose to. Richard: Yeah. ‗Cause I‘ve had that experience too of having a splitting headache and sitting down at my computer and writing an article that I‘m just totally fascinated with, and then stopping, after ¼ of an hour and suddenly realising ―What happened – you – know – man that‘s really.....‖ J: And then the headache comes back when you stop. Richard: It did actually, yeah. It did because I thought ah – you know- wow it was here! And then I checked for it you know, and I guess I looked for it again, and yeah, that‘s right. So that‘s an understanding we share about your brain and how it can do things. You know about trance then, so do you know about trance phenomena like arm catalepsy? Have you ever heard of it? J: I‘ve seen it on some of the videos we‘ve been watching on Erickson‘s ones. Is that what you‘re talking about? Richard: Oh yeah. Can I borrow your arm for a minute and show you that. Now of course (lifts up her left arm) I guess....... Richard: So now ah, you can hold your hand there consciously right? J: Yeah. Richard: And this means, I guess..... do you know how many muscles there are between your brain and the hand there that‘s being held there? (lets go of hand) J: No. Richard: There‘s I mean – there‘s well over 100. There may be a couple of 100. But I guess the thing is, what that means if you don‘t know exactly where they are, then you don‘t know exactly how you‘re holding that up?
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
330
J: No. Richard: And that means that your unconscious mind is holding that up, right? You decided to hold it up but it‘s your unconscious mind that is holding it up there. I guess that‘s why it‘s rising a little higher each time I move like this now (gestures up) – is that right? Because that would mean now that only your unconscious mind could hold it there. Now of course – do you notice that now? (Shakes head) (arm rising) Richard: Not yet. There it goes. That‘s right. Can you see that? It‘s a kind of a... it‘s a curious thing. J: Well, Richard, I‘m not sure if it‘s doing anything. Richard: No, well, this is your hand is it........here? J: Well I think so. Richard: Yeah. That‘s good, that‘s right. J: I don‘t actually have a reference point for where it was when it started, but it seems to be rising, yeah. Richard: It does, doesn‘t it? Yeah. Now of course it‘s hard to believe and obviously you don‘t have to believe in it, you know like, I mean, it doesn‘t make sense that it should be floating there on its own does it? J: Not really. Richard: No, and so someone must be lifting it up right, and it‘s not me because it‘s not my hand, it‘s yours, right? Now, that means of course that your unconscious mind is lifting it up right and what that means is that there‘s an area of your brain that‘s running this arm right now and it‘s not under your conscious control and yet it can happen and it can happen instantly – it can happen right in front of you like this, okay. Are you sure consciously that it'‘ lifted up by itself there? J: Yeah. Richard: You‘re positive about that? J: I‘m not sure that it‘s moving at the moment. Richard: But it has definitely lifted up. J: It has definitely lifted up. Richard: Isn‘t that strange. Do you think it‘s going down now? (gestures down) J: No. What would happen if I consciously tried to stop it going down? Richard: Oh, you could stop it but it may be going down: Look. J: Yeah, it‘s going down. Richard: It is, okay. Do you think it‘s going across to this side right now? (gestures to her right, arm moves) J: It‘s quite funny isn‘t it? Richard: That‘s right it is. It‘s quite good at this really isn‘t it? J: It is, yeah. I think it‘s getting better actually.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
331
Richard: That‘s exactly right. That‘s the important point I wanted to make. At first your conscious mind was trying to control it, and you thought that you had to consciously control it or nothing would happen there, you see, and so what happened then was that your unconscious mind found it a little difficult at first to move it, but now your unconscious mind is learning to do it, and your conscious mind is learning, and that‘s even more important: to let it go. Now this is exactly what we need to happen. Because if your conscious mind can let go, and can allow things to change in your body at an unconscious level in just this way, then you could make a complete change with the sensation that you‘ve had problems with. Do you understand that? J: Mmm. Mmm. Richard: Your conscious mind, like, this is not just a sensation we‘re changing here, this is the entire muscle movement. And you see, that‘s right, there are many, many muscles we‘re changing the movement of here, and in order to do that, that means you had to ......and you weren‘t even noticing that happening at first, so there was all sorts of pressure at first that you usually feel in that arm that you weren‘t noticing they were happening at first because your unconscious was running them; and when you think about that, you realise that this is actually a more complicated task than you were hoping to have achieved here. Doing this is very sophisticated. You had to stop feeling the things in that arm, in order for this to happen, you had to stop moving the things yourself and allow your body to move things, and that‘s not just muscles but tendons and things as well, you know, and this is very much the kind of thing that you want like that, rather than the muscles tightening around a scar tissue, then, for them to relax, and allow something to be comfortable. And this is exactly what you‘ve done in this arm here. Now it‘s much easier for me to demonstrate with this arm rather than lift up something that‘s more central in your body........and you can understand how you can do this. And it‘s not just you that I want to show this to – it‘s your unconscious mind..... and I want to show your unconscious mind, that‘s right, now you the unconscious mind, who‘s running this hand, have complete ability to make these kinds of changes anywhere in the body – and you can listen while I talk to you as an unconscious mind – but what I want you the unconscious mind to understand is that you, I know, have been doing some really useful things for J and I know that letting her know when there‘s discomfort was something that you thought was important, but what I‘d like you to understand is that the discomfort that she‘s been having each day for some time now is something that she could let go of, and enjoy something else instead. And that you the unconscious mind have the ability to do that. Now if you the unconscious mind are listening to what I‘m saying and you understand that I‘d like you to give J a little twinge in that area where she‘s been feeling that discomfort, and let her know. You don‘t get that yet? J: A little twinge. It wasn‘t a big one though. Richard: That‘s right. Okay, well I‘d better ask for.... J: My arm‘s really sore at the time. Richard: Would you like to put that down. You believe in that, now? (puts hand down) J: Yeah, yeah. Richard: Sort of? J: Sort of. Richard: Yeah. I mean you believe that the arm went up. J: Yes, yes. Leading Richard: Okay, well that‘s all we need to do because, as you put that arm down there now, what that means is, it‘s a lot easier to lift a finger than to lift an arm, right? And now that we‘ve got your arm moving, what I‘d like to do is, I‘d like to get this finger here to move. J: Okay. Go for gold.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
332
Richard: That‘s right. Now, that‘s right. Just like that. That‘s right, thanks. (index finger moves up) (laughs) Richard: This is fun isn‘t it? J: Yeah. It is fun. Richard: Yeah, and so, and see this finger here, that: what I‘m going to use that finger for – that movement – is I‘m going to use that as a signal for ―yes‖, right, and I‘m going to ask one of these other fingers here to move as a signal for ―no‖. And your unconscious mind can choose which finger it is, and move that finger as a signal for ―no‖. One of the other fingers on that hand. ‗Cause this one is ―yes‖, and one of these other fingers can be a signal for ―no‖ and you can jerk that up in that nice (other finger moves).....that‘s right, thanks. You didn‘t do that did you? J: No, I don‘t think I did. Richard: No, that‘s right. So we have a yes and a no. This is the basis of communication of course. So I‘d like you, the unconscious mind: I‘d like to ask you some questions and the first question is ―Do you understand that you have the ability – I mean you the unconscious mind – do you understand that you have the ability to remove that pain each day so that J feels comfortable? Do you understand that you have the ability? And just jerk one of those fingers up to let me know yes or no (―no‖ finger moves)..... No you don‘t. Okay, that's great. Well, what I'd like you to consider, unconsciously, - this is fun isn‘t it – what I‘d like you to consider unconsciously is the way in which J has had those experiences where she hasn‘t noticed pain, in certain areas of her body like when she had a cut, until she looked at it. Do you remember those times? Do you remember those times when she has had those experiences where she hasn‘t noticed pain until she looked at it? And jerk one of these fingers as a nice clear signal: Do you remember that? That‘s right. Take the time you need to remember and just let me know. Do you, the unconscious mind remember? That‘s right, a nice clear signal. Move one of those fingers, either the ―yes‖ finger or the ―no‖ finger. (―no‖ finger moves) Okay. So you don‘t remember those times. Do you know that J remembers those times? You do. Move that finger in a nice clear signal. Do you realise that J remembers times when she has not felt pain until she‘s actually noticed visually that something has happened? Do you realise that J has had that experience? That‘s right. Move that finger in a really clear signal (―yes‖ finger moves). Great, that‘s right you do realise that. And that means that you the unconscious mind can realise that. You, the unconscious mind can realise that whether J feels pain or not is as much a process of how the information is being explored, where it‘s being channelled, how it‘s being represented to her, is much more in fact a result of those things than it is a result of specific things that happened at a particular place in the body. Do you understand that now? Now that you consider those examples, do you understand that you can process feelings in different ways? So that J feels comfort where she used to feel pain. Is that something you realise? That‘s right. And make an even clearer signal. That‘s great. Even more. Enough so that, that‘s right. (―yes‖ finger moves) Do you feel that one now? J: Yeah. Richard: I thought, I mean, I know your unconscious knows this now. I just wanted you to know that you know, you know? J: Yeah. Richard: So what that means is that it‘s possible for you to do this. (finger moves) That‘s right, thank you. J: It‘s catching on. Richard: Yeah, that‘s right. And so what I‘d like you to do now is I‘d like you to check ―Is is okay for you to do this?‖ Is it okay, and you understand secondary gain, right, so you know?.....(―yes‖ finger moves). Okay, so it‘s okay for you to do this. Got the idea here? Okay. Now what that means of course is that right now you could make an adjustment in the level of comfort that J has. Is that right? (―yes‖ finger moves). Yeah. It is. And you know that as well. And this may come as a surprise to J, so what I‘d like you to do is I‘d like you to do some things that reassure her about this. I‘d like you to reduce the feeling of discomfort gradually, I don‘t want From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
333
you to rush at this and do it all instantly. But J certainly knows that someone can wake up in the morning and find that (―yes‖ finger moves) that‘s right, that their pain has totally gone. That's right, that's already part of her belief system. A doctor told her that, and, well a doctor would know wouldn't they? You‘re allowed to. J: It was a nurse. It was a nurse, so nurses know more than doctors. Richard: Oh well, okay. (―yes‖ finger moves). Oh, your unconscious mind agrees with that. Okay. (laughing) Well, we‘ve got enthusiastic support here from your unconscious mind and you know what that means of course is that it‘s possible for your unconscious mind to start right now to reduce the feeling of discomfort. Now I‘d like you the unconscious mind to go right ahead and do that now. Begin reducing the feeling of discomfort – that‘s right. Good. Enough so that J can feel the comfort increasing as you reduce it. Just go right ahead and reduce it. And you can enjoy this. J: Mmm. Richard: I mean you waited long enough for this, what the heck. See I‘ve done this before. J: Oh yes, have you? Richard: I had a guy come and see me one time and he could hardly walk in the door because you know he had back pain. What he did was, a few years before, he injured his back, and he was working as a farmer and that was his job. Well, he injured his back real good and he ended up lying on his back in bed for a year. He couldn‘t move for a year. And then he gradually got better you see and it scared the heck out of him. I mean he was really frightened by it: the thought that his body could do that. And he even began to think that his body was against him, you know. So he kind of got gradually better. He switched jobs. You know he started working as a counsellor actually and then he had a scary experience. As he got better he started going back to the gym, building up his body. And one day he pushed himself a little more than usual at the gym and suddenly, his back gave way and he couldn‘t move. And he had managed over the next few weeks, he managed to get so that with a bit of help he could walk. He struggled into my office you know. He sat down, and I got him to make finger signals like this. And I pointed out to him the stuff I‘ve been telling you, that if you do this you can do pretty much anything......so he – the problem was though that he thought that his back was causing that excruciating pain in order to punish him for something. And it‘s just not like that. Your unconscious mind is really trying to do the very best that it knows how to do to help you, and if it thinks you‘re in danger, then it will try and send you signals. And you know I told him I was sure that his back was sending him those signals because it wanted him to be safe from even worse things. And it really believed it was doing the best. And if it really understood that, then it could do even better. And it could do something so much better that he would feel completely comfortable immediately. And he stood up and he walked out of there fine. And I spoke to him a few months later and he just hadn‘t had any of those problems anymore. Now this is – you may have thought at first this is not all that good a news for chiropractors and so on you know, osteopaths and all that, but I think it‘s actually pretty good news, and I think it‘s pretty good news because what it tells us is that the unconscious mind is on our side. And you understand that unconscious mind don‘t you. That‘s right. You understand that what you‘ve been trying to do is something that‘s in J‘s best interests. And just let us know by moving one of those fingers to let us know. You‘ve been trying to do something that‘s in J‘s interest. That‘s right. J: It‘s really building up to it. Richard: Yeah. You can feel it can you? Isn‘t that interesting so J: I can feel it building up to it. It‘s like it wants to. Richard: Yeah, so now you‘re getting to the point where you can feel the.......and can you feel; sometimes you can feel the movement right down to (gestures to back of hand) J: Yeah, it‘s like a buildup and it feels like it doesn‘t want to move. Richard: I know, but see that‘s what unconscious movement is like. It‘s like, if it just moves instantly all the time, then probably the person‘s doing it consciously. But you can feel that the unconscious mind is organising
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
334
its resources to reply yes, and you can feel the finger that it‘s moving that it‘s moving that ―yes‖ signal to because....... J: Yeah I can. It doesn‘t want to move. Richard: So I‘m just checking that you the unconscious mind remember that it‘s okay to move that finger because (finger moves) that‘s right it is. There you go. Sometimes they need reassuring, you know. J: Mmm. They‘re not quite sure what they‘re answering. Richard: Right, well, you know how that is now, and how we‘re talking to your unconscious mind now? Well it turns out you‘re allowed to keep talking to it after I‘m gone as well you know that you can keep doing this. And I think that‘s worth doing. Because now that you understand that you have control over all of those things – the sensations in your body. You have control over not just the sensation but also the muscle movements. You can cause muscles to move or relax instantly. And the more that you trust your unconscious – this is important. This is going to make a big difference. J: I can see where it‘s very useful. Richard: Yeah. If you could do the stuff you‘ve been doing in your arm there, and you could do it anywhere in your body you want, you‘ve got this solved. J: Yeah. Richard: There can‘t be any pain, any things like pulsing pain there or anything without muscle contracting. If your muscles relax there, if you can get them to do what you want, it‘s gone. And that‘s only the beginning. Because do you the unconscious mind understand that you can remove the pain receptors from any area where you don‘t need the information? You do exactly, and that means you can go right ahead and start that now. (―yes‖ finger moves) Verify Change Richard: Thank you. And sometimes you have to talk a little firmly to your unconscious mind and really tell it because you deserve to be comfortable and you‘ve got this incredible unconscious mind, and you‘ve got a conscious mind that is learning all these things about your unconscious mind, and if your conscious mind..... that means your conscious mind is learning more and more how to be on side with your unconscious. What we‘re doing now is the other way. We‘re making sure your unconscious mind is totally on board with you, is on your side, is understanding the ways in which it can change this, and as I explained to that guy, you know, it‘s easy to change this. It‘s much easier than you thought. Your conscious mind can carry on being sceptical about this, because that‘s served you well hasn‘t it? J: Yeah, I guess it has. Richard: I mean, it‘s important. I mean, like that is a healthy thing. I‘m a sceptic, you know that. J: Yes, I know that. Richard: So the only reason I believe these things is because I‘m sceptical enough to test out everything. I didn‘t believe any of this stuff until I could find that it works on people I‘m using with. I‘ve found that it works on everyone that I‘ve, you know, wanted to talk to their unconscious mind and that it makes a difference. And it‘s not because I know how to do it, it‘s because your unconscious mind was always able to do these things. I don‘t know if you feel the change in your comfort level yet, but you the unconscious mind can tell us; just confirm for us that you‘re making the adjustments so that..... that‘s right (finger moving) you are. Do you notice that consciously yet? J: Yeah, my conscious mind‘s noticing it yeah. Richard: Yeah. This is pretty good isn‘t it? From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
335
J: Yeah, it is, it‘s excellent. Ecological Exit Richard: I mean I‘m not kidding. You‘ve waited for months for this and you‘ve been sitting around with an absolute genius inside you, who knows how to regulate every cell in your body, and for good reason, it‘s been hard for you to believe that that would be that easy. And I want you to preserve that scepticism because there‘s a lot of flaky stuff in the world. J: The lunatic fringe, yeah. Richard: Yeah. J: I just wonder though. I mean my unconscious mind is saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and I am, yes I‘m still sceptical. And I‘m just wondering what I need to do consciously. Richard: Right, to allow this.... J: I mean when we finish this session to allow this to continue. Richard: Yeah. So okay, now we‘re on track. Now what you‘re thinking is: ―How can I use my conscious mind?‖ because your conscious mind has scepticism for a good reason, and I think it‘s actually healthy to check things out in that way and what this means is it‘s just a matter of working out how can your conscious mind serve you more effectively. It has things it knows how to do. Do you know the story: You‘ve done some meditation – awareness meditation? What sort of meditation did you say? J: Ah mindfulness meditation, Buddhist meditation. Richard: Yeah. Do you know the story of how the Buddhist texts got from India to China? J: No. Richard: Because there‘s a metaphorical story about that that they tell in China and the story concerns Monkey. Have you heard it when I mention that? J: Mmm. Monkey yeah. Richard: Yeah, Monkey – Sun Hou Tzu. J: It‘s in Taoist.... Richard: Yeah exactly, and the idea in that is that the monkey mind is the conscious mind, is always leaping around and analysing things, and wants to be in charge of the universe. You know one of the stories is that the monkey says he wants to be in charge of the universe and the Buddha says ―Well okay, if you‘re going to be in charge of the universe, you have to be able to get from one side of it to the other obviously.‖ The Monkey goes ―Yeah‖, so the Buddha says ―Alright, so just leap to the other side of the universe and bring back something you know, so I know that you‘ve been there.‖ So the Monkey leaps right to the edge of the universe and it turns out there are huge mountains up there, and he makes a mark, makes his name, Sun Hou Tzu, on the mountains and leaps back to the Buddha very smug and says ―Now, I‘ve left my mark on the edge of the universe‖, and the Buddha holds up his hand and there‘s the Monkey‘s name written on his fingertip. And that‘s all he was doing. And then, so then the problem is though that Monkey‘s still trying to think how to be in control, because that‘s his nature. You know he likes to be in charge and he‘s a trickster, he‘s playful you know, like he‘s got a quick mind. And so they think about this in a lot of different ways, how to deal with this: when I say they, The Buddha and Kuan Yin the bodhisattva. J: The goddess of compassion.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
336
Richard: Yeah, the goddess of compassion, so they think about how can we deal with the Monkey, and what they do is finally they say to him ―Look we‘re trying to get these important teachings from India to China, and we‘ve got a monk whose name is Tripitaka who‘s going to be travelling from India to China through many different places. It‘s a challenging journey, it‘s a long journey, it‘s a lifetime mission, and what we need is someone who‘s strong enough, brave enough, courageous enough to protect the teachings as they go, and they give him that job. That‘s a good job for the conscious mind. J: Yep. Richard: So do you understand that, unconscious mind (finger moves). Yeah, I thought you would. That‘s what metaphors are for. J: Mmm exactly. Richard: Now I guess part of the usefulness of this is like, as you allow this unconscious change to happen so that you can feel comfortable, and I mean really feel comfortable, I mean you can allow this to change so you feel totally comfortable; you can be someone who surprises doctors, you know. J: Mmm. I can already see the look on their faces you know. Richard: Exactly. That‘s what I was wondering if you realised what this will do. They‘re not going to believe you at first of course. They‘re going to say ―This thing‖, - if you told them what happened over the last few minutes, they‘re going to say ―I think you imagined that J.‖ J: Mmm. Interesting. I‘ll check it out with my psychologist and see what she thinks. Richard: Yeah. That‘s right. J: She, I think J– will be alright with it but I don‘t think M– will. Richard: Right, well it‘s nice to know who you can tell this stuff to and who you need to frame it carefully for. J: And I think if they don‘t need to know........ Richard: That‘s exactly right and that‘s about looking after yourself; it‘s about making sure that this change is, you know, we‘d use the word ‗ecological‘. J: Well I just don‘t know with doctors though, I mean whether I‘d want them to think that they‘re the ones that have actually done it. I might just tell them anyway. Richard: Yeah. So they know you did it. Yeah, well. J: I‘ll think about that one – I may not need to do that at all. Richard: Yeah. You deserve to get some credit for this. J: Could just be my own little secret maybe. Richard: So how ever you............So........ J: Can I have my hand back? ‗Cause it‘s cold. Richard: Yeah. Free movement returns to your hand and arm. J: You should have some hot water, if you‘re going to do this very often Richard. Richard: Yeah. That‘s another thing you know – how you can create those sensations of coolness and warmth in places, you know. That‘s......... From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
337
J: Oh that‘s right. My unconscious mind can do this can‘t it? Richard: Yeah. I mean do you know the feeling of coolness that, have you ever; do you remember going to school when you were young and having that feeling of coldness on your hand and how it goes numb..............how the fingers go numb? J: Yeah, and my toes, through the puddles. Richard: Exactly, and they go quite numb. You know, so you don‘t feel it. Of course, that‘s another thing you can with nerve endings, you know in the meantime while they change, is you can cause them to go numb like that. You notice how quickly that happens with your hand if you just hold the muscles in a certain way; and your unconscious mind knows how to do that. But that‘s another whole – we could. There are 100 ways to solve this instantly. J: We‘ve solved it already haven‘t we. Richard: I‘m afraid so. J: Great. Excellent. Richard: So. What are we going to play with next? J: Ah, the world‘s my oyster now! Follow Up Richard: So J, it‘s been two weeks since we did that last session and during that time you‘ve been doing some other NLP work because you‘ve been doing an NLP training. So I had a couple of questions. I was interested in finding out for example what was the session like? As you think back to it now, what was it like going through that session? We did a couple of things. We did the things with the discomfort that you‘d had. J: Yeah, the session was a bit weird I guess with the arm thing and remembering the feeling of the arm and what that had meant. Richard: Right. So that was a whole new kind of experience. J: Yeah. It was a whole new experience. But it was sort of – I had a bit of a giggle at the same time so. Richard: And over this week you‘ve had time to find out to what extent anything has changed. Like, what‘s happened over this week with the couple of things that we were working with? J: Well, immediately after the session that we had I felt just absolutely wonderful and I drove from here back to H. and I didn‘t take any medication that whole day, that whole night. Richard: Right. Is that something that would happen every so often for you? J: No, no. I‘ve been taking 60 milligrams 3 times a day. Richard: Right. J: And I could walk into the house and my brother asked me how it was going and I said. ―Oh yeah, it‘s really, really good. I had a video session today and I got cured of my pain.‖ And I just sort of walked away. He did a double take and thought, wow. Over the week that‘s just been and the rest of that week, at times the pain would sort of come back, but not at the same strength. And so I‘ve managed to cut my medication down to just 30 milligrams twice a day. Richard: Oh, that‘s pretty exciting. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
338
J: So, yeah, that‘s changed. And throughout the various processes that we‘ve done with Transformations; yeah some mornings I get up and I set a goal and I get up and there‘s no pain. And then sometimes it comes back. So it‘s definitely, yeah, I think the big thing is the medications – the medication‘s down and it‘s coming in and out. Richard: Yeah, so the medication‘s reduced and it sounds like you almost have more sense of – it‘s not total control – but it‘s some kind of sense of control or that you‘re participating in making yourself more comfortable. J: Yes; that feeling goes up and down as well. Generally I‘m really, sometimes I‘m really strong in the magic that I‘m creating for myself, and other times I‘m a bit doubtful, that you know, you can‘t change your personality quite that fast – I‘m working on it. Richard: Well, we wouldn‘t want to do that in one hour, but....... J: No. No. Other people might; I need to do it over a bit longer. Richard: Gently; yeah.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
339
NLP and Other Models Of The World
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
340
NLP And Other Models Of Psychotherapy Isn‟t N.L.P. Just Another Model of Therapy? I Already Have Models I Use. Great! You can use N.L.P. skills and techniques whatever your basic model. N.L.P. developers Leslie CameronBandler, Richard Bandler and John Grinder were not intending to create a new kind of therapy. They studied with some of the greatest counsellors and therapists of our time in order to identify what skills these people had in common: people like Fritz Perls, Virgina Satir and Milton Erickson. N.L.P. thus represents a metamodel (or deep structure) for therapy; but it is also far more. You may know already that N.L.P. is being used by educationalists to enhance spelling and maths ability, and by General Practitioners to enhance rapport, eliminate allergies and other physical conditions. N.L.P. is a whole new field: a quantum leap beyond the separate compartments of therapy, medicine and education to a new world of holistic human change. I‟m Suspicious About Something That Makes The Extravagant Claims N.L.P. Does. Is N.L.P. Real Psychotherapy? Rather than accepting our claims that N.L.P. can cure phobias in ten minutes, produce high self-esteem in an hour, and so on, listen to what more well known psychotherapists say: Virgina Satir, virtually the founder of family therapy, wrote the foreword to N.L.P.‘s first book. She says ―I do something, I feel it, I see it, my gut responds to it - that is a subjective experience. When I do it with someone else, their eyes, ears, body sense these things. What Richard Bandler and John Grinder have done is to watch the process of change over a time and to distil from it the patterns of the how process.... It would be hard for me to write this foreword without my own feeling of excitement, amazement and thrill coming through. I have been a teacher of family therapy for a long time, as well as a clinician and a theoretician.... The knowledge of the process is now considerably advanced by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, who can talk in a way that can be concretised and measured about the ingredients of the what that goes into making the how possible.‖ Milton Erickson M.D., who virtually single handedly brought hypnotherapy out of the dark ages said of the N.L.P. book ―Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton Erickson M.D.‖ that it ―is a delightful simplification of the infinite complexities of the language I use with patients. In reading this book, I learned a great deal about the things that I‘ve done without knowing about them.‖ Fritz Perls, founder of Gestalt Therapy died before the publication of N.L.P.‘s first works. John O. Stevens, who edited his transcripts for the book ―Gestalt Therapy Verbatim‖ and himself wrote the Gestalt classic ―Awareness‖, says in the introduction to another N.L.P. text : ―I have been studying education, therapies, growth experiences, and other methods for personal change since I was a graduate student with Abe Maslow over twenty years ago. Ten years later I met Fritz Perls and immersed myself in Gestalt Therapy because it seemed to be more effective than most other methods.... When I was first introduced to Neuro-Linguistic Programming I was both fascinated and very sceptical. I had been heavily conditioned to believe that change is slow, and usually difficult and painful. I still have some difficulty realising that I can usually cure a phobia or other similar long term problem painlessly in less than an hour - even though I have done it repeatedly and seen that the results last.... If you are sceptical, as I was, you owe it to your scepticism to check this out, and find out if the outrageous claims made in this book are valid.‖ Dorothy Jongeward Ph.D., author of numerous books on Transactional Analysis including ―Born to Win‖, says of the N.L.P. text ―Influencing with Integrity‖ that ―It could well make the difference between success and failure in your personal and career relationships.‖
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
341
Dale Buchanan is director of the Psychodrama Section at Saint Elizabeth Hospital, Washington, and author of numerous articles in the Journal of Group Psychotherapy, Psychodrama and Sociometry. He has written an article with Donna Little studying the similarities between N.L.P. and Psychodrama. They note ―Bandler and Grinder have refined the therapeutic process. Needless to say they have miraculously packaged a process of immense value to all therapists.‖ (1983, 36, p.114). Well known Psychodramatist E. Eliasoph says in another edition of this journal (1981, 34, p.151) that ―Neuro Linguistic Programming offers some of the previous missing links for a methodology for doing psychodrama in the one to one therapeutic relationship.‖ Hugh Prather, author of ―Notes to Myself‖ and other books, says of the N.L.P. book ―Heart of the Mind‖ that it ―contains a wealth of understanding that can help people become more fully human. It also contains the insight and basic honesty that ensures this knowledge is used wisely and compassionately.‖
How Can I Use N.L.P. In My Work? Let‘s take Gestalt developer John O. Steven‘s comments again. ―A few specific examples of things you can learn to accomplish are: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Cure phobias and other unpleasant feeling responses in less than an hour. Help children and adults with ―learning disabilities‖ (spelling and reading problems etc) overcome these limitations, often in less than an hour. Eliminate most unwanted habits - smoking, drinking, overeating, insomnia, etc - in a few sessions. Make changes in the interactions of couples, families and organisations so that they function in ways that are more satisfying and productive. Cure many physical problems - not only most of those recognised as ―psychosomatic‖, but also some that are not - in a few sessions.
These are strong claims, and experienced N.L.P. practitioners can back them up with solid, visible results.... Actually, N.L.P. can do much more than the kinds of remedial work mentioned above. The same principles can be used to study people who are unusually talented in any way, in order to determine the structure of that talent. That structure can then be quickly taught to others.‖ The following diagram offers some conceptual links between the functional categories in several different models of therapy.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2012
342
Key Concepts In Different Psychotherapies, Related to each other by Similarity of Functions - M. Hamblett and R. Bolstad 1989 N.L.P.
Psycho-Dynamic
Matching and Mirroring (Pacing)
Evenly suspended attention; Freud‟s “Cardinal rule” Trial Identification
Reframing Use of Metaphor Create Living metaphor
Rapport
Parts
Anchor states; sort polarities or parts ready for parts integration Anchoring
Collapsing anchors; Parts Integration Incongruity
Closed Calibration Loop
Transactional Analysis Building complementary transactions
Gestalt
Psychodrama
Client Centered
Body Therapies
Awareness continuum
Warmup
Reflecting
Physical contact
Complementary Transactions
Contact
Warmed up
Empathy
Grounding (Body rapport)
Interpretation
Interpretation
Role Analysis
Dreams
Scripts
Owning Experience Dreams
Character analysis The Body
Explore transference Superego
Reparenting
Enactment
Parent ego state
Enact a fantasy; here and now top dog
Experiential focus of reflecting I-Thou relationship Immediacy
Critic
Intrajected values
Ego
Adult ego state
(Polarities)
(Roles)
Self
Id
Child ego state
underdog
Free Child
Analysis
Structural analysis; Parent interview; decontamination
Double chair; shuttling; define boundaries of confluence
Double
Use of any intervention
Stroking; blackboard
Use of chair or cushion
Setting out the scene
Inducing catharsis for insight Defense mechanisms eg reaction formation Transference neurosis
Redeciding; reparenting Ulterior transaction
Finishing unfinished business Incongruity; Confluence
Game
Game
Drama
Bioenergetic exercises Authoritarian personality Genital personality
Move towards “acceptant experiencing of differentiated personal feelings” Attending
Experience segments of muscular armouring Use of touch
Integrating roles
Confrontation
Rolfing
Conflicted role
Incongruity
Muscular tension
Role Rigidity
Structure-bound experiencing
Muscular armouring
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2009
Jungian
Family Therapy Making Contact with Family members
Contact Collective Unconscious Analysis Archetypes and symbols Art and Dance therapy Parent archetypes Ego
Rapport
Relabelling; 2nd order change Systems theory Family sculpture Parent subsystem; family rules Boundaries
(other subpersonalities) Realisation of the shadow
Children subsystem
Cue/trigger effect of symbols; Hermeneutics Integration
Restructuring boundaries
Conflict with shadow
Differentiation
Making family rules and responses explicit Unresolved conflict; Identified patient
Triangulation;+ve feedback loop
343
NLP and Religious / Spiritual Models Perspectives On NLP, Transforming Communication And Christianity Dr Richard Bolstad
Jesus Of Nazareth And The RESOLVE Model NLP change processes are therapeutic processes of a special type. In my previous book on NLP RESOLVE: A New Model Of Therapy, I outline the sequence through which an effective NLP change process tends to move. To explain this sequence here, let me take the example of the healing work done by Jesus the Nazarene. Rather than simply ―heal‖ people, Jesus followed a careful sequence of steps, where he built rapport, asked people for an outcome, checked that they thought of their problem as solvable, healed them, and then confirmed their healing for them. The following examples help to explain the value of these steps. The steps are: Resourceful state for the guide Establish rapport Specify person‘s outcome Open up person‘s model of the world Lead the person to their outcome (healing) Verify change Exit process Resourceful state for the guide Jesus was described as being confident and ―resourceful‖. This is important because, for others to trust his healing skill, they needed to see and hear that he knew what he was doing. ―The crowds were astonished at his teaching, for he taught them as one who had authority, and not as their scribes.‖ (Mathew, 7.28-29) Establish rapport When asked ―Why do you speak to them in parables?‖ Jesus answered that his aim was that people needed to be led through stories so ―they should perceive with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and turn for me to heal them.‖ (Mathew, 13.15) This is more literally put in older translations, ―so that those with eyes should see, those with ears should hear, and those with a heart turn to me and be healed.‖ In NLP we know that some people have a preference for thinking in visual images, some for thinking in auditory sounds, and some for thinking in kinaesthetic body feelings. Jesus has said here that by telling stories he ―matched‖ each of these types of people. This care to match people was common in Jesus‘ work. He frequently restated the exact words or type of words that the person being healed had used. This process built rapport before he began to help them. ―And behold a leper came to him and knelt before him saying ―Lord if you will, you can make me clean.‖ And he stretched out his hand and touched him saying, ―I will; be clean.‖‖(Mathew, 8.2-3) Specify Person‟s Outcome Even when the problem appeared obvious, Jesus asked for an outcome from those he healed. He didn‘t just charge in and do what he thought they needed. He checked with them. ―And Jesus stopped and called them,
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
344
saying ―What do you want me to do for you?‖ They said to him, ―Lord, let our eyes be opened.‖‖ (Mathew, 20.32) ―And when he came near, he asked him ―What do you want me to do for you?‖ He said ―Lord, let me receive my sight.‖‖ (Luke, 18.41). ―One man was there who had been ill for 38 years. When Jesus saw him and knew that he had been lying there a long time, he said to him, ―Do you want to be healed?‖‖ (John, 5.6) Open up person‟s model of the world Jesus knew that healing was much more likely to occur if the person believed it was possible in their ―model of the world‖. He checked this belief before healing. ―When he entered the house the blind men came to him; and Jesus said to them, ―Do you believe that I am able to do this?‖ They said to him, ―Yes, Lord.‖‖ (Mathew, 9.28) ―And to the centurion, Jesus said ―Go; be it done for you as you have believed.‖‖ (Mathew, 8.13) Lead the person to their outcome Jesus used both prayer (we might say ―verbal suggestion‖) and touch or energy work to heal others. He understood that different techniques would work with different people. ―And a woman who had had a flow of blood for twelve years and could not be healed by anyone, came up behind him, and touched the fringe of his garment, and immediately her flow of blood ceased.... But Jesus said ―Someone touched me; for I perceive that power has gone forth from me.‖‖ (Luke, 8.43, 44, 46) ―And when Jesus saw that a crowd came running together, he rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it ―You dumb and deaf spirit, I command you, come out of him, and never enter him again.‖ And after crying out and convulsing him terribly, it came out of him and never entered him again.... And when he had entered the house, his disciples asked him privately, ―Why could we not cast it out?‖ And he said to them, ―This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer.‖‖ (Mark, 9.25, 26, 28, 29) Verify change Jesus encouraged people to verify that the change had happened. Confirming that things are different; actually testing the change, is an important part of healing. At times, the process of confirmation itself seemed to cause the healing to happen. ―And Jesus said to him, ―See that you say nothing to anyone; but go, show yourself to the priest, and offer the gift that Moses commanded, for a proof to the people.‖ (Mathew, 8.4) ―And as he entered a village, he was met by ten lepers, who stood at a distance and lifted up their voices and said ―Jesus, Master, have mercy on us.‖ When he saw them he said to them, ―Go and show yourselves to the priests.‖ And as they went they were cleansed.‖ (Luke 17.12-14) Exit process After healing, Jesus had people imagine themselves in the future behaving differently, so that the old problem would not arise again. ―Afterward, Jesus found him in the temple, and said to him, ―See, you are well! Sin no more, that nothing worse befall you.‖‖ (John, 5.14) This is an important way to conclude such an exercise. Paul‟s Use Of Pacing And Leading Paul, originally called Saul of Tarsus, took up the task of translating Jesus teachings into a form which would make sense to non-Jews throughout the Roman Empire. In Athens, he was teaching people who put great stock in their ancient religion, and had numerous statues and altars, including one entitled ―The Unknown God‖. Rather than condemn this ―idolatry‖, Paul complimented the Athenians on their religious nature, and then reframed Jesus teaching as referring to this unknown God. In his letters to the various churches, he explained this teaching process as being one of (in NLP terms) pacing and leading. Pacing And Leading: An Example in Athens. So Paul, standing in the middle of the Areopagus, said ―Men of Athens, I perceive that in every way you are very religious. For as I passed along, and observed the objects of your worship, I found also an altar with this inscription, ―To an unknown god.‖ What therefore you worship as unknown, this I proclaim to you. The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in shrines made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all men life and breath and everything….‖ (Acts; 17.22-17.24) Explaining the Principle of Rapport, Pacing and Leading For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, that I might win the more. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews; to those under the law I became as one under the law –though not being myself under the law- that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
345
law –not being without law toward God but under the law of Christ- that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. (1 Corinthians 9.19-9.22) Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. (Romans 12.15-12.16) Paul‟s Approach To Win-Win Relationships Paul consistently applied this pace and lead approach to the issue of whether some people should control others. He emphasised that those with less power should ―obey‖ those with more power (not because they are in power, but out of love of God), but only in the same way as those with more power should respect the rights of those they ―control‖. He then emphasises that in God‘s eyes, there is no power difference at all. He begins with ―Slaves, be obedient to those who are your earthly masters…. Rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to men.‖ And then follows with ―Masters do the same to them and forbear threatening, knowing that he who is both their master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with him.‖ (Ephesians, 6.5, 6.9). He starts with ―Children obey your parents in the Lord‖ and then adds ―Fathers do not provoke your children to anger.‖ (Ephesians, 6.1, 6.4). These comments are repeated (eg Colossians 3.18-4.1) in the same careful form each time. Paul restates the equality of all, for example saying ―There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.‖ (Galations, 3.28). He also repeatedly emphasises that one person cannot pass judgement on another, for example in saying ―Therefore you have no excuse, O man, whoever you are, when you judge another; for in passing judgement upon him you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, are doing the very same things.‖ (Romans, 2.1) Dr Richard Bolstad is an NLP Trainer, teacher and developer of the Transforming Communication course. He can be reached at
[email protected] References: The Holy Bible Revised Standard Version, 1973, Collins, New York Transforming Communication Richard Bolstad & Margot Hamblett, 1998, Addison Wesley Longman, Auckland The above selections are designed to assist Christians and others to begin to make sense of Neuro Linguistic Programming in terms of the New Testament teachings of Jesus and Paul. Prepared by Richard Bolstad. The following selections come from an article called ―Can A Christian Counsellor/Therapist Use Hypnosis/Trance?‖ by Bobby Bodenhamer D. Min. 1997. The Bible and Unconscious Parts What does the Bible say concerning unconscious parts? The Psalmist exclaimed of God, "Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom" (Psalm 51:6, KJV). The Hebrew word here for inward parts means "that which is covered over with something else." A covering conceals it. Note also the plural tense of the word. This indicates the presence of more than one unconscious part. The writer of Hebrews referred to these unconscious parts as "bitter roots." "See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by it many be defiled" (Hebrews 12:15, NASB). Trance, the Bible and the Church Both the Bible and the Church actually refers to and makes much use of trance. Remember how the apostle Peter entered Joppa and on the house-top where he had gone for a time of prayer, Peter fell into a trance. "...he became hungry, and was desiring to eat; but while they were making preparations, he fell into a trance" (Acts 10:9-10). The word trance here derives from ekstasis. As you look at that word you can recognize our English word ecstasy--"stasis" (to stand) and "ec" (ex, out), hence to "stand out of yourself." The Greek lexicon defines this word as "a state of being brought about by God, in which consciousness is wholly or partially suspended." Actually this lexicon definition of trance sounds as if it came right out of a NLP manual. The critical addition in this definition differs only in that God brought about Peter's trance. (Imagine that, God a hypnotist! And given From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
346
the vision he saw--what a hypnotist!) As Christian counselors, we know and want all of our work to operate in a Christ centered way--in a way filled with and by the Holy Spirit. Accordingly, Christian counselors will bathe his or her work in prayer. We do that so that the Holy Spirit will empower our work and enlighten our minds. Consider the Hebrew verbs for meditation: hagah and siach. Both of these words translate "to muse, speak or talk." Thus the concept of meditation comes from the definition "to muse." Accordingly the Psalmist said, "I will meditate (hagah) on all Thy work, and muse (siach) on Thy deeds" (Psalm 77:12)
Perspectives On NLP, Transforming Communication And Islam Dr Richard Bolstad
What This Essay Is And Is Not The Transforming Communication course is a course on cooperative relationships which is based largely on NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). I am very enthusiastic about sharing my Transforming Communication course with people around the world, and I have found it useful to offer people from particular cultural or religious perspectives some links between the course, the field of NLP, and their own models of the world. These particular notes will, I trust, be useful for people from an Islamic background. In reading Islamic works on conflict resolution, I am aware that there are some concerns I need to acknowledge before starting. These include:
The history of western-Islamic relations has many examples where western theorists attempted to impose western models on the Islamic world, by force or by dishonest representation. That is utterly inconsistent with the Transforming Communication model itself and my aim here is to offer some tools that may be of service to those who live in the community of Islam, for their own intentions (as discussed in Said et alia, 2001, p 133-134). I have referred to Islamic translations of the Qur‘an and Hadith, and it is important to acknowledge that these works were written in Arabic and come from Islamic cultural backgrounds, and that subtle differences in meaning are possible in the translation process. I have trusted Islamic writers who know the original work in Arabic and share the faith of Islam, using them as my guide to the meanings of the original texts. In the last century in particular, many areas of the Islamic world have been economically impoverished, largely as a side effect of western policies. In offering these communication skills, I am not intending to suggest that new communication skills are all that is needed to solve problems that also require economic and political solutions. The communication skills we use are part of a wider system, and in some of my other writing I urge people with these skills to also work for a better world economically and politically (as discussed by Abu-Nimer, 2003, p 186). In this historical context, there will also be some Muslims who will reject ideas coming from people like myself, per se, and who will believe that these ideas challenge legitimate and necessary hierarchies within Islamic cultures (as discussed by Abu-Nimer, 2003, p 116-127). I am not aiming to challenge anything here; but instead to provide tools for people who want these tools within Islam. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
347
Modelling Islamic Conflict Resolution Processes If we can consider how the Islamic communities understand and resolve conflict themselves, then we can offer two things with Transforming Communication. Firstly we can use Transforming Communication as a way of explaining Islamic ways of creating cooperation, so that these ways can be easier shared. This process is called ―modeling‖ in NLP. Secondly, we can find out how the Transforming Communication skills could be used within an Islamic context, just as the computer can be used in an Islamic context. The aim would be to support Islamic communities to obtain what they identify as important goals (as discussed in Said et alia, 2001, p 186187) such as: Preserving and enhancing the Islamic community Embodying the teachings of Islam Preserving the historical learnings and wisdom of the Islamic world Some Islamic writers have criticized this offer from the field of NLP. Ibrahim B. Syed, is a Professor of Medicine at the University of Louisville School of Medicine and President, Islamic Research Foundation International, at Louisville, Kentucky. He says "For Muslims there is no need to borrow from the NLP as it cannot add anything new to the Muslim behavior. Actually NLP should borrow ideas from Islam. Otherwise it shows that the behavior of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was deficient to the extent that Muslims have to borrow from NLP. This is an insult to the Muslims." (quoted by Hoag, 2008). I want here to offer some specific skills in much the same way that Professor Syed might offer any other new medical skills to Muslims in his work as a doctor, and I also want to accept his offer and use NLP to learn from Islam. Islam has been the source of constantly developing skills and understandings over time. The great Islamic teacher of non-violence K.G. Saiyidain urged ―Even if my competence to undertake an authentic interpretation of the message of Islam would be in doubt, I strongly affirm the right of any serious, honest and intelligent person to do so. Such reinterpretation becomes necessary in every age for a variety of reasons.‖ (quoted by Abu-Nimer, 2003, p 92) Many Muslims have not only trained in NLP, but also run NLP training of course. For example, Ehsan A. Hannan is the Head of Arabic and Islamic Studies at the LMC's London East Academy. He runs NLP training in London, exploring the interrelationship between Islam and NLP. Muslimah Shamsudin is the Manager of the Quality Secretariat of Human Resource Department at KTMB (Malaysian Railways). She explains how she used her NLP training while studying in Japan. “NLP is how you make sense of your world and most importantly how to make it what you want it to be. ...Basically, in using NLP, you need to focus on the good things you want to happen. Then, you need to figure out how to achieve these goals, and finally, you follow the steps to achieve them. For example, I wanted to be able to pray at the right time wherever I was, so I identified the steps I needed to follow. My first step was to pray to Allah (the All Mighty God) so that my requirement could be performed anywhere and that the people I was making a request of would meet my need. Only after such prayers would I request a praying place. I used NLP to achieve my training too. Before starting, I envisioned myself going through a good training and completing it successfully. I planned the things and steps I needed to take. So although I encountered some problems, I managed to get through." (quoted by Hoag, 2008). There is an Islamic NLP Facebook site, and Islamic researchers are rediscovering connections between NLP and centuries of Islamic thought about the functioning of the mind. For example, it is a central NLP idea that mental activity occurs in sensory terms and that we can identify which sensory system a person thinks in by watching their eye movements. When people visually recall something, they usually look up to their left, and when people talk to themselves, thinking in words, they look down to the left. This idea is first hinted at in writings in medieval Bhagdad. In a treatise called ―On the difference between spirit and soul‖, Qusta ibn Luqa (864-923) wrote that people who want to retrieve memories look upwards and people who want to think look down. Qusta ibn Luqa, himself a Melkite Christian living in Baghdad, was a philosopher, physician, mathematician and astronomer, and his writing was widely respected in thirteenth-century scholastic Islam and Europe (Wilcox, 1985). The famous Moslem scientist Ibn al-Nadim praises his medical writings and his ability to translate between Islamic and European science (Ibn al-Nadim, 1871, page 234). There are three main sources of information that are available about Islamic methods of creating cooperation, in the sense that Transforming Communication means it. They are:
The Qur‘an. This is considered in Islam to be the word of God revealed to his prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
348
The Hadith. These writings are stories about and quotations from the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
The history of conflict resolution in Islamic communities, especially the early Caliphates. The following are brief notes to support the discovery of important connections between NLP, Transforming Communication, and Islam. The Qur‟an There are many reminders in the Qur‘an that peace and cooperation are sacred. For example: The daily greeting of all Muslims is ―Al-salam ‗alaykum‖ (peace be with you) as explained in the Qur‘an ―And their greeting therein shall be peace.‖ (10:10) One of the names of God is dar-al-Islam (the abode of peace) and the Qur‘an says ―God invites to the abode of peace.‖ (10:25) This peacefulness applies even to those who argue with Muslims. ―And the servants of (Allah) most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them, they say ―Peace!‖‖ (25:63) The Qur‘an cautions ―Repel evil with that which is best [not with evil].‖ (23:96). In his commentary A. Ali (1991, p 859, Commentary 2934) urges ―to do what is best repels the evil. Two wrongs do not make a right.‖ (quoted in Abu-Nimer, 2003, p 60). The History Of The Community The history of non-violent conflict resolution goes back to the beginnings of the Islamic movement. When the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) lived at Mecca, he practiced non-violent conflict resolution entirely (610-622 CE), Wahiduddin Khan says (quoted in Abu-Nimer, 2003, p 42) ―Of the twenty-three year period of Prophethood, the initial thirteen years were spent by the prophet in Mecca. The Prophet fully adopted the way of pacifism or non-violence during this time. There were many such issues in Mecca at the time which could have been the subject of clash and confrontation. But by avoiding all such issues, the Prophet of Islam strictly limited his sphere to peaceful propagation of the word of God.‖ One of the Prophet‘s most famous Meccan interventions involved a dispute between the clans of Mecca over who should carry the sacred black stone of the Ka‘bah up to its new location. The clans were about to go to war, after five days of fierce argument, and they asked the Prophet to help mediate between them. The Prophet placed the stone on a cloak and asked each clan to hold one side of the cloak and jointly lift the stone to the desired height. A simple example of a win-win solution (retold in the Hadith and quoted in Abu-Nimer, 2003, p 62). The early rulers of Islam understood that a leader is not automatically more wise than any other member of the community. Abu-Bakr was a close friend of the Prophet, and the first ruler in Islam after his death. Abu-Bakr told his people in a public statement ―I am no better than you…. I am just like any one of you. If you see that I am pursuing a proper course, then follow me; and if you see me err, then set me straight.‖ (quoted in AbuNimer, 2003, p 70). Similarly, Imam Ali Ibn Abi Talib, cousin of the Prophet, said ―Whoever wants to be a leader should educate himself before educating others. Before preaching to others he should first practice himself. Whoever educates himself and improves his own morals is superior to the man who tries to teach and train others.‖ (Balagha, 2007, Saying 73). Of course, Islam, like Christianity and Judaism, also has a history of resistance to invasion and of physical warfare in defence of its community. Is this the ―real‖ Islam? M.R. Bawa Muhaiyaddeen (in Said et alia, 2001, p 266), in criticizing the tendency to think of Islam as accepting of war, quotes traditional Islamic Sufi understandings of the term ―jihad‖ (struggle). When the Prophet was cast out of the city of Medina, he says, the Prophet did not fight back physically, but recommended struggle using the weapons of charity, fasting, pilgrimage, faith and worship. The Sufi call these the five external weapons and Muhaiyaddeen adds ―My brothers in Islam, beyond these five outer weapons, Allah has also given us six inner weapons, which the Sufis have explained. If you go deep into Allah with the certitude of unwavering faith, you will see that within this eye of yours is an inner eye which can gaze upon Allah. Within this nostril is a piece of flesh which can smell the fragrance of Allah. Within this ear is a piece of flesh which can hear the sounds of Allah. Within this tongue is a piece of flesh which can taste the divine knowledge of Allah and know the taste of His Wealth. Within this tongue is also a voice which converses with Him and recites His remembrance in a state of total absorption. Within this innermost heart is a piece of flesh where the eighteen thousand universes, the heavens and his kingdom are found…. These are truly great weapons, and with them we must fight the battle within. We must From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
349
overcome everything in our hearts that covers the truth, all that reflects our disbelief….My brothers, once we understand what the true weapons of Islam are, we will never take a life, we will not murder, we will not even see any brother as separate from ourselves. We will not be able to conceive of any enmity.‖ This is a very clear description of the task that NLP change processes ultimately aim at. It also refers to the sensory basis of mental experience which is the core of the NLP model. In the Islamic communities, two types of conflict resolution have been noted most often from the beginning (as discussed in Said et alia, 2001, p 186-187). These are: 1.
2.
Tahkim (arbitration). The Prophet was accepted as an arbitrator by the Islamic and non-Islamic communities during his life, because of his ability to find win-win solutions. He required Tahkim to be the method used when a marriage ended or needed reconciliation after a conflict. Two arbitrators, one appointed by the husband‘s parents and one by the wife‘s parents, would be used. The Qur‘an instructed about this ―And if ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they desire amendment, Allah will make them one mind. Lo! Allah is ever knowing, Aware.‖ (4:35) (Quoted in Said et alia, 2001, p 153) Sulh (conciliation). This is a community based process for resolving conflict. The parties air their grievances, promise to renounce retaliation, and acknowledge the importance of their continuing relationship. They make compensation for any damage suffered in the conflict already, and have a period of mourning and reflection. After this they come together for a ritual of forgiveness and reconciliation, involving sharing bread, sharing coffee and shaking hands. (described in Said et alia, 2001, p 186)
The Hadith The Khalifah Institute (2005), teaching a Muslim way of bringing up children, quotes several of the sayings of the Prophet from the Hadith. It explains in a section called ―Against Punishment‖ that ―The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) never scolded or raised his voice with children when he was advising them. He was always gentle when talking to children. A hadith from Sunan Abu Dawud relates: A companion of the Prophet once said, "When I was little, I loved to throw stones at date trees so that the date fruit would fall down. One day, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) came upon me doing this and advised me to just pick up the date fruit that had already fallen from the tree, and not throw stones at the tree to make them fall. He then ruffled my hair and invoked a blessing on me." The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was always light-hearted and tender with children, and never hit any child (or woman) in his entire life. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) always practiced the concept of giving reward and not punishment in the matter of raising children to be right Muslim adults.‖ The personal life of the Prophet is an extraordinary embodiment of cooperative, nonviolent communication skills. There are several other central sayings from the Hadith that emphasise the importance of responding peacefully, of finding cooperative solutions, and of respecting all persons as equal. For example:
―The Prophet said ―Power resides not in being able to strike another, but in being able to keep the self under control when anger arises.‖ – Hadith (quoted in Abu-Nimer, 2003, p 72)
―Whenever violence enters into something, it disgraces it, and whenever gentle civility enters into something it graces it. Truly, God bestows on account of gentle conduct what he does not bestow on account of violent conduct.‖ – Hadith (quoted in Abu-Nimer, 2003, p 42) ―All people are equal, as equal as the teeth of a comb. There is no claim of merit of an Arab over a Persian (non-Arab), or of a white over a black person, or of a male over a female. Only God-Fearing people merit a preference with God.‖ – Hadith (quoted in Abu-Nimer, 2003, p 59) Islamic Conflict Resolution Training Conflict resolution training almost identical to the Transforming Communication training is run in Islamic communities across the world. The Khalifah Institute in Malaysia details a four step process for resolving conflict by: 1. 2. 3.
Raising the issue Discovering the underlying interests Inventing options for mutual gain From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
350
4.
Developing agreements based on objective standards
Mohammed Abu-Nimer describes running hundreds of such conflict resolution trainings in Palestine, Egypt, Jordan and Turkey. I hope that this short commentary assists others to continue to make links between such skills and Islam. Inside the NLP community, NLP trainers have also made links with Islam. Dr Wyatt Woodsmall , the former President of the International Association for Neuro-Linguistic Programming (IANLP), is the founder of the International NLP Trainers Association (INLPTA), was co-author (with Dr Tad James) of Timeline Therapy and the Basis of Personality and is the author of over 50 published articles on NLP. Richard Bandler, co-creator of NLP, says "There's no one who knows more about NLP than Wyatt Woodsmall." On Sunday 15th July 2007, corresponding to the beginning of Rajab 1428 hegira, Dr. Woodsmall embraced Islam at Al-Fateĥ mosque in the Kingdom of Bahrain under guidance of the prominent Muslim preacher Dr. ‗Awaď Al-Qarnî. Dr Woodsmall has taken the Moslem name Abdul Hakeem.
Dr Richard Bolstad is an NLP Trainer, teacher and developer of the Transforming Communication course. He can be reached at
[email protected] Bibliography Abu-Nimer, Mohammed, Nonviolence and Peace Building in Islam, University Press of Florida, Gainesville, Florida, 2003 Balagha, Nahjul, Translated by Jafri, Askari, Peak of Eloquence: Sermons and Letters of Imam Ali Ibn Abi Talib (as) Eleventh Revised Edition - Islamic Seminary Publications Hoag, John David, ―Islam and NLP‖, on line at http://www.nlpls.com/spi/Islam.php John David Hoag TrainingCoaching-Therapy, Menlo Park, California, 2008 Ibn al-Nadim, Kitab al-Fihrist mit Anmerkungen hrsg. von Gustav Flügel, 2 vols., Leipzig, 1871 Khalifah Institute, ―Against Punishment‖ www.islamic-world.net/mkc/e_book3.htm The Khalifah Institute, Selangor, Malaysia, 2005 Khalifah Institute, ―Dealing The Conflict‖ http://islamic-world.net/youth/conflicts8.htm The Khalifah Institute, Selangor, Malaysia, 2005 Said, Abdul Aziz, Funk, Nathan and Kadayifci, Ayse ed. Peace and Conflict Resolution in Islam, University Press of America, Lanham, Maryland, 2001 Wilcox, J., The Transmission and Influence of Qusta ibn Luqa's "On the Difference between Spirit and the Soul", PhD thesis, City University of New York, 1985
Perspectives On NLP, Transforming Communication And Judaism Dr Richard Bolstad
The Transforming Communication course is a course on cooperative relationships which is based largely on NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). I am very enthusiastic about sharing my Transforming Communication course with people around the world, and I have found it useful to offer people from particular cultural or
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
351
religious perspectives some links between the course and their own models of the world. These particular notes will, I trust, be useful for people from a Jewish background. The Hebrew Torah (scripture) acknowledges that the Source of the universe is unknowable and even to speak Its name is not possible (in NLP, we would say that any ―map‖ is never the true ―territory‖). Our inner experience of the world is filtered by our human brain and occurs in sensory terms (the idea that people ―think‖ visually, auditorilly and kinesthetically is central to NLP) and this is commented on by the Jewish prophet Isaiah, who explains that in helping people change we are working so that ―they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed.‖ Isaiah 6:9-10. Modern Jewish NLP practitioners note that NLP is firmly grounded in the values of the Torah. For example, Your Eternal Spark (YES) is an organisation using NLP in Safed (one of the four holy cities in Israel and a centre for Kabbalistic Judaism). Y.E.S. is headed by husband and wife team, Rabbi Immanuel Yosef and NLP Trainer Rabbi Moriah Legomsky. They say ―Y.E.S. has very strongly positive, written approbations from 2 of the greatest Torah Sages of our time: Rabbi Ben Tzion Rabinowitz (the Biala Rebbe), and HaRav Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg. Rabbi Legomsky is a personal student of both these Sages, and a Biala Chassid. Many other great Torah Sages have written support letters on Rabbi Legomsky's successful work resolving terror and other serious traumas.‖ (www.YourEternalSpark.com). Our Transforming Communication course applies NLP to conflict resolution. Here again, there is a central tradition in Judaism which supports the use of NLP. The Torah describes G-d‘s future paradise on earth as an abode of peace, saying ―And they shall beat their swords into ploughshares, and their spears into pruning hooks; Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.‖ Isaiah II 3-4 (quoted in Wilcock, 1994, p 217). To work for the end of conflict is to work for this future. The dissolving of conflict and the creation of loving relationships is not peripheral to Judaism. Rabbis identified it as the central commandment of G-d. In the Jewish book of Midrash, Sifra on Deuteronomy, Perek 4, it is written ―You shall love your neighbour as yourself, and Rabbi Akiba said, this is the greatest of all commandments.‖ To clarify who is ―your neighbour‖ he continues ―Ben ‗Azzai said, This is the book of the generations of Adam, this is the greatest of all.‖ Which, as Evelyn Wilcox points out ―leaves us in no doubt that our duty in Torah is to all decendants of Adam, the first man.‖ (Wilcock, 1994, p 217). Evelyn Wilcox also studies Rabbi Moses Cordovero and the medieval Kabbalists, whose mystical Judaism emphasizes this even more fully. She notes, ――Who is a saint?‖ the rabbis asked and the answer was, ―He who does Lovingkindness to his Creator.‖ One of the ways a man must train himself to acquire the quality of Lovingkindness is ―to make peace between man and his neighbour… It is necessary to make peace between a man and his neighbour and between a man and his wife: All similarly peaceful acts are acts of benevolence on behalf of the Upper Worlds.… When a good man meets provokers, he should appease them and quiet them with goodwill – drawing on great wisdom to weaken their anger that it does not overstep its boundaries to cause harm…. Man is created with two inclinations, good and bad: the one belongs to Lovingkindness,‖ says Cordovero, ―the other to power.‖ (quoted in Wilcock, 1994, p 79) NLP skills such as reframing and conflict resolution are based on the understanding that it is better, in a conflict situation, to identify the higher positive intention of an undesired part or person, rather than to use power to destroy that part or person. This understanding is part of the spiritual heritage of Judaism too. Rabbi Nilton Bonder describes a Jewish version of reframing emotions, using the NLP concept of ecology. He says ―It‘s quite common these days to hear about people trying to reflect on the ―ecology of the mind and heart‖. These attempts recognise that a mind or heart can become a storeroom for pollutants that don‘t disappear over time, that are not degradable.‖ (Bonder, 1997, p17) Bonder takes the example of hatred. ―How do we fight hatred? In three stages, the rabbis say: kabbalah (reception), hahna‟ah (conquest), and hamtakah (sweetening)…. Learning not to scare off evil and to use it is important, because the potential it carries is too valuable to discard…. Educating oneself to do this is like learning not to dump trash in public places. This means understanding that it is not possible to throw something ―out‖, because there is no ―out‖. Hatred that is discounted without being ―sweetened‖ will certainly end up in an individual‘s own system.‖ (Bonder, 1997, p164) Many of the specific skills of Transforming Communication were developed by Jewish Conflict Resolution experts, such as Marshall Rosenberg, who has run his Nonviolent Communication trainings in both Israel and Palestine, John Gottman, researcher on marriage and couples relationships, and Eliyahu Goldratt, from Tel Aviv, whose new theory of business management is called the Theory of Constraints. It is possible to see Goldratt‘s model of win-win conflict resolution as an expression of Rabbi Bonder‘s notion of hamtakah From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
352
(sweetening) and even of Cordovero‘s Lovingkindness. I will describe this model in more depth here as it gives an interesting new perspective on Transforming Communication. Eli Goldratt‟s Model Of Conflict Resolution Goldratt‘s method of introduction for his theory was intriguing in NLP terms; he wrote a metaphorical novel called "The Goal". He explained this use of metaphor saying "To induce someone to invent, you must bring him/her -at least mentally- into a realistic environment." (Goldratt, 1990, p 18). Once again, the connections with an NLP way of thinking are very clear here. The Theory of Constraints is based on the simple understanding that it is always useful to know the goal of a system such as a business, and to know what the current main constraint holding you back from reaching that goal is. Everything else in the system can then be considered a resource which can be focused on releasing that constraint. Frequently, the constraint involves a conflict between two courses of action. Goldratt's solution to this situation of conflict is called ―dissolving clouds‖. As an example, consider a common business situation. My company produces audiocassette tapes. How many should we produce at one time? If we produce a large batch, we will need to setup for copying only once, and so the cost per tape will be lower than if we produce several small batches. But if we produce a small batch, we can hold it in storage for less time, and so we save money on storage and save the money that it takes to produce something without getting any return on it. Most people, faced by such a situation, try to compromise between the two choices. Goldratt points out a number of other solutions, which occur once we understand that both choices are attempts to reduce the cost per tape. He diagrams this "conflict cloud" as below (Goldratt, 1990, p 43-45). Reducing the cost per unit is in turn best reframed (―sweetened‖ to use that term from Rabbi Bonder) as raising profit per unit (a shift that NLP practitioners will recognise as moving to ―towards motivation‖). This final positive goal is what Goldratt calls "the global objective". This, points out Goldratt, is the only thing that really matters in this whole situation.
Global Objective
Raise profit Per unit
Objective
Requirement Reduce setup cost per unit
Prerequisite Large batch
Reduce carrying cost per unit
Small batch
Reduce cost per unit
The same method can be applied to solving conflicts between people or to conflicts between the system "rules" on the one hand and the desires of individual people on the other. Domenico Lepore and Oded Cohen give the following example of resolving interpersonal conflict with the model, from a medium size company (Lepore and Cohen, 1999, p 140-142). The maintenance manager is assessed based on how much time the factory machines spend not working. He wants the best quality spare parts he can get, so that they need replacing less often. At present, the purchasing manager is the only person allowed to purchase spare parts. And he chooses spare parts that are cheaper, because he is assessed based on how much money he can save while purchasing needed parts. The cloud is diagrammed as below. Shared Objective
Need of System Good quality spare parts
Action/Rule Maintenance manager buys the spare parts
Exert control over the purchasing process
Only the purchasing manager can buy parts
Be profitable
Goldratt encourages us to first challenge the presupposed links between actions and needs or between needs and objectives. Amongst presuppositions that could be challenged in this example is the notion that the purchasing manager can strike the best deals with spare parts manufacturers. Another is the notion that giving someone else permission to purchase would mean that the purchasing manager loses control over the buying and the prices accepted. By keeping the focus on the shared outcome of being profitable, the two managers can create win-win arrangements that meet each of their needs better than their old approaches did. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
353
Dr Richard Bolstad is an NLP Trainer, teacher and developer of the Transforming Communication course. He can be reached at
[email protected] Bibliography Bonder, N., The Kabbalah Of Envy, Shambhala, Boston, 1997 Goldratt, E.M. The Goal North River Press, Great Barrington, Massachusetts, 1985 Goldratt, E.M. Theory Of Constraints North River Press, Great Barrington, Massachusetts, 1990 Lepore, D. and Cohen, O. Deming And Goldratt: The Theory Of Constraints And The System Of Profound Knowledge North River Press, Great Barrington, Massachusetts, 1999 Rosenberg, Marshall, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion, PuddleDancer Press, Del Mar, California, 1999 Wilcock, Evelyn, Pacifism and the Jews, Hawthorn Press, Lansdown, Gloucestershire, 1994
Perspectives On NLP, Transforming Communication And Buddhism Dr Richard Bolstad
“The Map Is Not The Territory” NLP is a model of psychology based on several key assumptions. The most important of these is an acceptance that our theories and beliefs are just maps of the real world; they are not in themselves the reality we live in. This encourages an acceptance that different maps may be useful for getting different desired results (just as a subway map and a street map are both useful, and help to get different results). Knowing that the map is not the actual territory also encourages a questioning of maps, and a searching for new maps that serve one better, rather than a blind acceptance of old maps. Buddha once spoke to the Kalamas, a group of people from a village where there were many arguments about which religious beliefs to follow. He urged them ―Yes, Kalamas, it is proper that you have doubt, that you have perplexity, for a doubt has arisen in a manner that is doubtful. Now look, you Kalamas, do not be led by reports, or tradition, or hearsay. Be not led by the authority of religious texts, nor by mere logic of inference, nor by considering appearances, nor by delight in speculative opinions, nor by seeming possibilities, nor by the idea of ―This is our teacher.‖ But, O Kalamas, when you know for yourself that certain things are unwholesome, and wrong, and bad, then give them up…. And when you know for yourselves that certain things are wholesome and good, then accept them and follow them.‖ (Rahula, 1962, p1) Buddhist Psychology and NLP The very first words of the central Buddhist text the Dhammapada sum up a core understanding of NLP with utter clarity. ―We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world…. Speak or act with a pure mind and happiness will follow you as your shadow, unshakable. Look how he abused me and beat me, how he threw me down and robbed me. Live with such thoughts and you live in hate. Look how he abused me and beat me, how he threw me down and robbed me. Abandon such thoughts and live in love. In this world hate never yet dispelled hate. Only love dispels hate. This is the law, ancient and From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
354
inexhaustible.‖ (Byrom, 1993, p 1-2). NLP is the study of exactly how our thoughts and internal sensory experiences create our inner reality. ―According to most of the Tibetan Buddhist schools there are six possible main minds, one for each sense consciousness and the mental consciousness. The six main minds are:
perceptual
conceptual
1. visual (eye) main mind 2. auditory (ear) main mind 3. olfactory (nose) main mind 4. gustatory (tongue) main mind 5. tactile (body) main mind 6a. perceptual mental main mind 6b. conceptual mental main mind
Sensory main minds
Mental main minds
Each sense organ is accompanied by a corresponding main mind…. The eye consciousness merely sees colours and shapes without labels, whereas the conceptual mind labels it blue, round pretty and so on…. There is always some kind of generality involved with the mental consciousness, in that the conceptual mind selects and filters the experience, limiting it in some way.‖ (Tsering, 2006, p25-26) This description of the central concept of Buddhist psychology is identical to the core description of NLP, given in Neuro-Linguistic Programming Volume 1 (Dilts et alia, 1980, p 17, 75). Here the developers of NLP say ―The basic elements from which the patterns of human behaviour are formed are the perceptual systems through which the members of the species operate on their environment: vision (sight), audition (hearing), kinesthesis (body sensations) and olfaction/gustation (smell/taste)…. We postulate that all of our ongoing experience can usefully be coded as consisting of some combination of these sensory classes…. Our language (auditory digital) representations tend to be primarily organised by neurological systems located in our dominant hemisphere…. The digital portions of our communications belong to a class of experience that we refer to as ―secondary experience‖. ‖ Buddhism and Happiness One key focus of NLP has been on how to create happiness. Living according to the Buddhist precepts, says the Buddha, is not merely nice for other people; it helps the practitioner to be happier. ―Don‘t be afraid of doing good. It‘s another name for happiness, for all that is dear and delightful.‖ says the Buddha in the Itivuttaka Sutta (Bancroft, 2001, p 175). Dr. Richard Davidson, director of the Laboratory for Affective Neuroscience at the University of Wisconsin used an fMRI machine to map the brain of over 175 people, showing that he could accurately predict their level of happiness by checking the level of activity in a specific area of the brain – the left prefrontal cortex. When he studied Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard (Oser), with 30 years experience in ―compassion meditation‖, Davidson found something dramatic. Ricard‘s left frontal cortex was way off the scale.Daniel Goleman explains, "While Oser was generating a state of compassion during meditation, he showed a remarkable leftward shift in this parameter of prefrontal function... In short, Oser's brain shift during compassion seemed to reflect an extremely pleasant mood. The very act of concern for others' well-being, it seems, creates a greater sense of well-being within oneself." (Goleman, 2003, p.12) The same results were gained when other compassion meditators were wired up. In his non-meditative state, one geshe (abbott) from a Buddhist monastery, for example, was far off the scale of normal happiness. Davidson describes the geshe as "an outlier" on the graph - his reading was "three standard deviations to the left", far beyond the rest of the bell curve for positive emotion. Can the results be duplicated? A tentative answer to that last question has come from a study that Dr. Davidson did in collaboration with Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical School in Worcester. After 3 hours of Buddhist meditation a week, for two months, volunteers trained by Kabat-Zinn produced a dramatic shift towards brain-measured happiness. Their immune functioning was also boosted, as were their subjective reports of calmness and happiness. Both Buddhism and NLP have explored how to achieve such desired states of mind quickly by use of sensory ―anchors‖, to use the NLP term. These are specific sensory experiences that have become associated in the From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
355
person‘s memory with a state of mind (an emotion). All of us have had similar experiences. Hearing a song, on the radio, that you haven't heard for many years can anchor you back to the memories of that time when you heard it years ago. You begin to feel the feelings you had back then. The whole state you were in at the time is recreated by the anchor of that music Anchoring can happen in any sense. A specific sound (auditory), sight (visual), taste (gustatory), smell (olfactory), or touch (kinesthetic) can anchor the entire state originally associated with it. The process of anchoring was "rediscovered" by Richard Bandler and John Grinder (1979, p 79-136). It can be used to take any emotional state that a person has experienced at some time in their life, and "connect" it to situations they would like to experience that state in. A person may, for example, make a certain hand gesture while they are feeling confident and energised, and then be able to recreate that feeling state when they are in a challenging meeting, simply by reproducing the hand gesture. In Buddhism, visual anchors (mandalas), auditory anchors (mantras and music) and kinaesthetic anchors (mudras or hand positions, and asanas or body positions) have been used for over two thousand years. Tatjana and Mirabai Blau discuss the three types of Buddhist ―anchor‖ in their book ―Buddhist Symbols‖ and explain that for example ―Mudra is a Sanskrit word meaning sign or seal. In Buddhism it is a sacred hand gesture expressing inner wisdom…. Mudras are also an aid to meditation. A mudra may be associated with a certain mantra or visualisation and so may help maintain focus while meditating.‖ (Blau and Blau 2003, p 94). Other NLP Visualisation Processes The Tibetan practice called mandala parallels closely many NLP visualisation processes. (Trungpa, 1976, p 152156; Evans-Wentz, 1972, p324-325). A mandala is usually a visual symbolic representation of the integrated nature of the universe, which is ultimately ―mentally absorbed‖ into the artist who creates it. The process of working with a mandala is an act of devotion and adoration. But it also reminds the Buddhist practitioner that the universe we imagine (the map of the universe in our minds) emerges and merges into our own being. Is the world depicted in the mandala, including any deities drawn there, to be thought of as real? Yes and no. The Tibetan Shri Chakra Sambhara Tantra (Evans-Wentz, 1972, p 44-45) urges practitioners to view such creations ―with exalted regard, veneration and devotion, looking upon the devatas (depicted deities) as real, holy and divine. They are none the less so because mind-produced, for the mind ultimately is That, and its ideas forms of That.‖ And yet, immediately after, this Tantra emphasises that one should ―remember that all these devatas are but symbols representing the various things that occur on the path, such as the helpful impulses and the stages attained by their means.‖ This is the same attitude that we normally use when using an NLP visualisation process. The images we create are clearly symbolic and produced by the mind. And yet, at the same time, we allow them to evoke the feelings we want, as if they were real, because this is the entire point of their creation. By using them, we can produce the changes in our inner experience that we seek. Buddhism and Cooperative Relationships Buddhism, like NLP, has also been interested in the detailed structure of successful relationships between people. In teaching his own community of monks, the Buddha said ―The nature of a community is harmony, and harmony can be realised by following the Six Concords: sharing space, sharing the essentials of daily life, observing the same precepts, using only words that contribute to harmony, sharing insights and understanding, and respecting each other‘s viewpoints.‖ (Thich Nhat Hanh, in Kotler ed, 1996, p194) Thich Nhat Hanh describes the use of Buddhist mindfulness in relationships in a way that clearly emphasises the core Transforming Communication skills: I messages and reflective listening. He says, ―If you love someone, the greatest gift you can give someone is your presence…. When she is suffering you have to make yourself available right away: ―Darling I know that you are suffering. I am here for you.‖ This is the practice of mindfulness. [this is what Transforming Communication calls reflective listening] If you yourself suffer, you have to go to the person you love and tell him, ―Darling, I am suffering. Please help.‖ [this is what Transforming Communication calls an I message]…. We need each other.‖ (Thich Nhat Hanh, in Kotler ed, 1996, p205). The Vimalakirti sutra urges Buddhists to become active in conflict resolution (as taught in the NLP based Transforming Communication course). The sutra says ―In times of war, give rise in yourself to the mind of compassion, helping living beings abandon the will to fight. Wherever there is furious battle, use all your might to keep both sides strength equal and then step in to reconcile this conflict.‖ (Sivaraksa, 1992, p 91).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
356
Dr Richard Bolstad is an NLP Trainer, teacher and developer of the Transforming Communication course. He can be reached at
[email protected]
Bibliography Bancroft, A. The Pocket Buddha Reader Shamballa, Boston, 2001 Blau, T. and Blau, M. Buddhist Symbols Sterling, New York, 2003 Bolstad, R. Integration: NLP and Spirituality Transformations, Christchurch, 2005 Byrom, T. Dhammapada: The Sayings Of The Buddha Shambhala, Boston, 1993 Dilts, R., Grinder, J., Bandler, R. and DeLozier, J. Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Volume 1 The Study of the Structure of Subjective Experience, Meta Publications, Cupertino, California, 1980 Evans-Wentz, W.Y. Tibetan Yoga And Secret Doctrines Oxford University, London, 1972 Goleman, D. Destructive Emotions – How Can We Overcome Them Bantam, New York, 2003 Kotler, A. Engaged Buddhist Reader Parallax Press, Berkeley, California, 1996 Rahula, W. What The Buddha Taught Crowe Press, New York, 1962 Sivaraksa, S. Seeds of Peace Parallax Press, Berkeley, California, 1992 Tsering, Geshe T. Buddhist Psychology, Wisdom Publications, Boston, 2006
Perspectives On NLP, Transforming Communication And Hinduism Dr Richard Bolstad Dharma, Karma and Satyagraha Dr. Badrinath Rao, Professor of Sociology at Kettering University in Flint, Michigan, advocates the use of Hindu perspectives in conflict resolution. Rao says ―The world needs to find new mechanisms to enable people to solve conflicts…. The use of religion is one attempt at identifying a new approach…. India is one of the most diverse societies in the world, and as a culture has to deal with these issues more that other societies. My interest emerged from the recurrent and class-based conflicts going on in India, and grew to encompass conflicts in general, and in particular, conflict resolution and alternate dispute resolution.‖ (reported by Dawn Hibbard, 2008). In Rao‘s opinion, Hinduism‘s emphases on the three core values of Dharma, Karma and Satyagraha all provide potent tools for resolving conflicts. He explains the three principles thus: 1) Dharma involves following the moral order, acting in ways that are right for one‘s own life path 2) Karma is a principle which emphasises the inevitability of the consequences of one‘s actions, and so encourages tolerance and non-violence 3) Satyagraha means the force of truth rather than coercion In analysing the application of Hindu religious traditions in conflict resolution, Rao suggests that ―The relativism of Dharma supports both tradition and modernity, innovation and conformity.‖ The concept of Dharma has entrenched ethical relativism in the Hindu way of thinking, according to Rao. In the Hindu model of following one‘s dharma, what a person should or should not do depends on the context of the situation. One result of such a context-based approach, he suggests, is that truth is relative (and ultimate truth is unknowable), and there is no choice but to be tolerant of the truth of others. ―Different cultures prefer either context-free or context-sensitive rules in their thought processes,‖ Rao explained. ―Hindus tend to operate on contextsensitivity.‖ This relativism of truth is a fundamental principal of NLP, which sums it up in the phrase ―The Map is not The Territory‖. Dharma and Destiny Does this Hindu concept of Dharma inevitably mean that each person‘s life is predetermined by their past ‗karma‖? Teachers such as Mahatma Gandhi have challenged this interpretation of the Hindu scriptures. The Hindu book Yoga Vasishtha emphasises "There is nothing like destiny other than the effect of our previous efforts" [II-6-4] and "Man determines his own destiny by his thought. He can make those things also happen From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
357
which were not destined to happen." [V-24-28] (Sivananda, 1995, p 108). Mahatma Gandhi, for example, took on the seemingly impossible task of defying the world's largest empire and wresting its biggest colony away. He clearly believed that his destiny was in his own hands. In one of his articles, he quotes a very beautiful letter about this, written to him by a person with limited English. The letter says "Men are born naked. But to them two hands are given. We think God have given paradise upon men, but He have not given it directly upon men. He have given it indirectly upon them by giving two hands - the power to create any and everything - to make paradise itself in the present world. So I think it is the duty of man to make use their hands best." (Gandhi, 1997, p 84). Karma and Systems Thinking The "law of karma" is what NLP would call a systems model of life. The second fundamental principal of NLP is that the world is best understood as made up of interactive systems rather than separate ―things‖. Karma applies this understanding to our actions. Unpleasant karmas (actions+consequences) drive us to ever more desperate karmas (actions+consequences), which create a cycle of suffering. The sufferer keeps hoping that she/he can have the first part of an action (say gorging her/himself with too much food) without the second part (say feeling overfull and becoming obese). To use more subtle examples, we keep hoping that we can be dishonest in a business transaction without it affecting our self-respect, or that we can secretly have an affair without it altering the intimacy in our marriage. But, as the Indian teacher Jiddhu Krishnamurti emphasised "Cause and effect are inseparable -in the cause is the effect." (Mehta, 1997, p 70). Life is systemic! Western interpreters of the "law of karma" have considered it a law of punishment. There is no concept of punishment involved. In fact, teachers of karma point out that the sad thing is that so called "evil" actions are themselves a result of misfortune -they could hardly deserve some divine punishment. We know, for example, that the more violence someone is subjected to in their childhood, the more likely they are to be violent themselves as an adult (Eron et alia, 1987). Should the universe punish people for their misfortune? Swami Sivananda explains "Why does one man possess good moral character? Why does another possess evil character? … These things can be easily explained by the law of action and reaction. Nobody is to be blamed." (1995, p 48). This shift from a blame frame to a systems based understanding is central in both NLP and effective conflict resolution. How does one act, knowing that all things are interrelated in this way? Mahatma Gandhi, who considered himself first and foremost a karma yogi (a practitioner of the path of action), explains the application of this systems model using the core Hindu scripture; the Bhagavad Gita: "The Gita says 'Do your allotted work but renounce its fruit - be detached, and work - have no desire for reward, and work.'…. But renunciation of fruit in no way means indifference to the result. In regard to every action, one must know the result that is expected to follow, the means thereto, and the capacity for it. He who, being thus equipped, is without desire for the result, and is yet wholly engrossed in the due fulfilment of the task before him, is said to have renounced the fruits of his action." (Duncan, ed 1972, p 36). Satyagraha Rao cites Mohandas Karamchand (Mahatma) Gandhi‘s use of non-violent resistance as addressing conflict resolution from the Hindu perspective. He says ―His use of non-violent resistance was successful in showing the world an alternative to violence and armed conflict.‖ Gandhi considered truth (Satya) to be the core principal behind his methods (Satyagraha, his name for the methods he used, means ―the force of truth‖) and he titled his autobiography :‖The story of my experiments with truth.‖ (Gandhi, 1953). Violence, Gandhi said, prevents the speaking of truth, so non-violence (Ahimsa) is central to the search for truth. Similarly, in Transforming Communication, we begin by clarifying others‘ truth by reflective listening, and clarifying our own truth using I messages. As with Transforming Communication, Gandhi‘s aim was to create solutions that honour all parties‘ needs. He explained ―My experience has shown me that we win justice quickest by rendering justice to the other party.‖ (Gandhi, 1953, p 95). Gandhi concluded ―My uniform experience has convinced me that there is no other God than Truth…. A perfect vision of Truth can only follow a complete realization of Ahimsa. To see the universal and all-pervading Spirit of Truth face to face one must be able to love the meanest of creation as oneself. And a man who aspires after that cannot afford to keep out of any field of life. That is why my devotion to Truth has drawn me into the field of politics; and I can say without the slightest hesitation, and yet in all humility, that those who say that religion has nothing to do with politics do not know what religion means. (Gandhi, 953, p 267) Prakruti From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
358
The ayurveda (science of life) system is a perspective on health founded in Hindu teachings. One of it‘s central tenets is the recognition that each person operates from a unique body type or ―Prakruti‘. Dr Deepak Choprea explains that Prakruti ―…is really your world, the personal reality you generate from the creative core inside. More accurately, we might call your Prakruti your ―psycho-physiological constitutional type,‖ a phrase that includes both mind (psyche) and body (physiology).‖ (Chopra, 2000). Chopra identifies that each of the three main operating principles (Doshas) which make up your Prakruti (Vata, Pitta and Kapha) are associated with a sensory system preference (Vata with auditory, Pitta with visual and Kapha with kinaesthetic and gustatory). Skilled practitioners of Ayurveda would use their assessment of Prakruti, much like an NLP Practitioner does, to help clients identify which of the sensory systems assist them most easily to transform their body-mind system. Chopra gives the example of Bobby, who came to him complaining of a variety of different health problems. Identifying his predominance of Vata, however, made it possible for Chopra to quickly prescribe a core solution. ―In Western medicine, each of his complaints would be neatly classified under textbook headings of ―insomnia,‖ ―anxiety,‖ ―lower back pain,‖ and so on. But if you traced these signals of distress back to their origin, only one thing was at fault - a fundamental imbalance that cried out in different ways. Fortunately, treating Vata is a lot simpler than trying to treat five or six symptoms. In Bobby‘s case, we didn‘t need to resort to medicine, because the diagnosis itself was enough. Rather than prescribing medications, which tend to mask the underlying problem, we suggested that he simply listen to his body. It was suggested that his body type wasn‘t suited for the work he was in. He was encouraged to find a job that would make his Vata happy instead of driving it crazy. Whatever he did, Bobby was not going to adapt well to noise, overcrowding, and constant activity because his Vata couldn‘t tolerate it. What does Vata actually like? A little more peace and quiet, for one thing. Bobby might be happier as a prep chef working when the restaurant kitchen is relatively quiet.‖ Dr Richard Bolstad is an NLP Trainer, teacher and developer of the Transforming Communication course. He can be reached at
[email protected] Bibliography Chopra, D. Perfect Health, Revised : The Complete Mind Body Guide Three Rivers Press, New York, 2000 Duncan, R. Selected Writings Of Mahatma Gandhi Fontana/Collins, London, 1972 Eron, L.D., Huesmann, L.R., Dubow, E., Romanoff, R., and WarnickYarmel, P. "Aggression And Its Correlates Over 22 Years" in Crowell, D.H., Evans, I.M. and O'Donnell, C.R. Childhood Aggression And Violence Plenum, New York, 1987 Gandhi, M.K. The Story Of My Experiments With Truth: An Autobiography Beacon Press, Boston, 1953 Gandhi, M.K. Hindu Dharma Orient, New Delhi, 1997 Hibbard, D. ―Conflict Resolution and Hinduism‖ p 1-2 in Kettering Perspective magazine, Spring 2008, Kettering University, Flint, Michigan; published online at http://www.kettering.edu/alumni/perspective/spring08_conflict_resolution _hinduism.jsp Sivananda, S. Practice Of Karma Yoga Divine Life Society, Shivanandanagar, India, 1995
Modelling A Taoist Process: The Inner Smile 1. This Chi Kung exercise is usually done sitting on a chair. Sit on the edge of the chair with your feet flat on the floor. Your back needs to be straight but relaxed; an effect which you'll get by imagining that your head is suspended by a cord from the crown up to the ceiling. Close your eyes and gently press your tongue against the top of your mouth. Clasp your hands together gently. 2. Remember a time that you can feel comfortable recalling, when you felt caring or loving. Perhaps a time when you were caring for a plant, or an animal, or for a child. Imagine that you can see this time, and the gentle smile of caring it brings, as a picture about three feet in front of your eyes. Allow your forehead to relax, and draw the energy of caring into the place between your eyes. Experience it as a limitless source of caring energy flowing to this place, and from there flooding through your body as a smile. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
359
3. Allow the smiling energy to flow across your face, relaxing it. Smile into the neck and throat, through the thyroid and parathyroid glands, which control your metabolic rate and keep your bone tissue balanced. Smile down to the thymus gland in the upper central chest area; the gland which co-ordinates your immune system. From there spread the smile back to the heart, allowing it to relax and blossom in a shining red light, transforming hastiness and irritation to joy and love. Flow the smile out on each side to the lungs, filling them with white light, transforming sadness and grief into the ability to discriminate what‘s right for you, and enhancing their ability to take in energy from the air.On the right, flow the smile down through the liver, filling it with leaf green light, enhancing its hundreds of cleaning and organising functions, and transforming resentment and anger into an assertive kindness to yourself and others. On the left flow the smile through the pancreas, which assists in digestion and regulation of blood sugar. The far left is the position of the spleen which forms and stores blood cells, and here rigidity and stuck thinking are transformed to openness. Fill the pancreas and spleen with yellow light. On each side the smile now flows to the back at waist level, flooding through the kidneys which filter the blood, and the adrenal glands atop them which give your body the energy burst of adrenalin. As these glands relax, fill the kidneys with dark blue light, and feel fear transformed into a gentleness. Finally, flow the smiling energy down through the urinary bladder, and through the sexual organs, including the glands (ovaries or testes) which balance the cycles of your life. Conclude by flowing the smile to a place just below the navel and a couple of centimetres in from the front. Feel the energy spiral into this centre, called Dan Tien in China, as a storage for the day. As you flow this smile, check for the "feeling" that each organ is smiling back. Take the time it needs to allow this to happen. 4. Draw the smile again into the place between your eyes. This second time, flow the smile down your nose and mouth into the digestive tract; swallowing as you do, and imagining that the saliva you swallow is also full of smiling energy. Smile through the stomach, just below the ribs, and through the intestines. Having flowed the smile down through the whole digestive system, draw the energy back to the Dan Tien centre below the navel. 5. The third time, draw the smile into the centre between your eyes (actually called "upper Dan Tien") and circle your eyes nine times clockwise (as if watching a speeded up clock face right in front of your eyes) and nine times counter-clockwise. Draw the smile back through the brain itself, smiling deep into the brain tissue, where the glands which co-ordinate your entire hormonal system reside. Flow the smile down the spinal column, and through the neurons (nerve cells) out to every part of the body. As you continue to draw the smile into your body from an infinite source of love and healing, imagine the smile flowing out from your body into the air around you, and across the entire room. The smile, remaining infinite, flows out beyond the room across the whole area, across the whole country, into the oceans and across the continents, until the entire planet is filled with the smile. As the smile continues to expand, just check back in your body in the room. Check if there is anywhere in your body where there was an excess of energy (perhaps an area where there was some tension -just an indication of energy not flowing on easily yet) and draw the energy back to lower Dan Tien, feeling it spiral in there as a store for the day.
The NLP Within The Inner Smile 1) Physiology: The smile, and the straightened back alter state by themselves. 2) Anchoring: Remembering a time when you had the feeling of love anchors the person back to that feeling. 3) Submodality shift: Changing the colours of the organs is a submodality shift. 4) Reframing: the process reframes all the significant stressful emotions as signals to act positively: Sadness means its time to get clear what is right for you to continue to hold on to and what is right to let go of. Fear means its time to be more gentle with yourself. Anger means it‘s time to be kind to yourself as well as others, rather than only kind to others. Rushing and stressed overactivity means its time to appreciate and feel grateful for what is here, and to feel joy. Thoughts that go over and over, stuck in a pattern mean that it‘s time to be open to new ways of acting and thinking.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
360
NLP Within The Maori World © Hirini Reedy, NLP Master Practitioner Introduction As we enter the 3rd Millennium, the digitisation of information and the acceleration of change is seeing a greater need for NLP skills worldwide. This digitisation is even implicit in the name, Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) as coined by the founders of NLP. The name, NLP, suggests to me that we can encode and decode our internal thinking systems very much like programming a computer if you understand the necessary programming code. The use of the words such as auditory digital and now visual digital continues the influence of digital age terminology. The danger of this digitisation of the human mind and body into its constituent modalities can sometimes take away the mystery and magic that has always been part of the human experience, part of our cultural makeup. Ancient cultures have always had an understanding of NLP processes as expressed through their mythologies, songs and dance, rituals, ceremonies and knowledge systems. We are now seeing many NLP leaders from around the world starting to integrate ancient teachings with NLP. Examples of recent discoveries include Tad James and his exploration into the teachings of Huna, the Hawaiian esoteric system of knowledge which led to the creation of his Time-Line Therapy. Dr Richard Bolstad and Margot Hamblet have been instrumental with integrating Chi Kung energy practices into their teachings of NLP here in Aotearoa. In my opinion the use of metaphor and associated terms in NLP is perhaps creating new terminology for the ancient art of storytelling. Storytelling reflects the power of the spoken word, the oral tradition which preceded the advent of the written word and print media which has revolutionised the transmission of knowledge ever since. It is timely in Aotearoa New Zealand to explore our own indigenous Maori culture from an NLP perspective. The Maori culture of Aotearoa is deeply rooted in the energies of this land. All lands have different vibrations of energies very much like the different energy vibrations of the human body. The land, the waters, the plants all have energy signatures that are attuned in with the vibrations of the land. Similarly the beliefs, language and the cultural ways of Maori reflected this attunement with the natural environment of Aotearoa. This is more noticeably so in Maori cosmology and world view. The Maori World View In strong similarity to the Taoist beliefs, the Maori believed in a cosmic genealogy that led to emergence of the human form. In the beginning there was Te Kore (The Nothingness), a state of primeval energy that pre-existed everything else. Te Kore was the seedbed of the universe in which all creation gestated. It was the womb from which all things were born. Within Te Kore there existed the supreme being, IO Matua Kore, who represented the genesis of all things, the original consciousness, the original form. IO then held inner intercourse between its masculine and feminine aspects to initiate the fertilisation process. As a result of this fertilisation the primeval energy began to move, to pulsate as the embryonic universe began to take form. From within this gestating energy there emerged the metaphysical and the physical worlds. From within the physical world, there manifested animate and inanimate matter. From within animate matter, there appeared the many life forms. From within the many life forms there arose the human form. From within the human form, there appeared the Maori people. From the Maori people I express my sense of identity. Tihei Mauriora! (The First Breath of Life). This genealogical process is called whakapapa, the art of kinship to all things. The Maori created metaphors and divine concepts to represent this universal whakapapa. We all know about Ranginui, the Heaven Father and Papatuanuku, the Earth Mother. However the Ranginui and Papatuanuku concepts are even more important for they represent the male and female aspects that make up all things. They are the Maori equivalents of Yin and Yang. The children of Ranginui and Papatuanuku represent the many variations and permutations that exist in the physical world (as well as the metaphysical world!). Maori whakapapa strands or lineages can be interwoven into wonderful patterns to show the linkages with nature in a similar way to the change patterns in the I-Ching, The Book of Changes which is over 4000 years old. The IChing uses 64 patterns of change to explain the changes we see in both the human and natural worlds. This whakapapa or kinship meant that the Maori saw the human form as a child of the universe, a microcosm of nature, subject to the same forces and energies that affect the seasons, the tides and the planets. Therefore many Maori rituals, beliefs and ceremonies focussed and honoured this universal kinship with Nature. The whakapapa concept can be used to explain the workings of the human mindscape where the neural pathways of thought can be navigated back to their parent source. This intimacy with nature meant that the many wananga (learning) From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
361
systems of the Maori were attuned to the seasonal and daily cycles that affect the human mind and body. Essentially to the Maori, the classroom was nature, the sky the roof, the earth the floor. In this classroom there are many teachers of both human and non-human form. Before we can begin to gain insight into Maori concepts, protocols and language we must have this understanding of the Maori world view. In later articles I would like to explore with more specificity the elements of the wananga (Maori learning) systems using examples from haka (Maori dance), the taiaha (Maori weaponry and martial arts), rongoa (Maori healing) and other esoteric practices. This will assist in highlighting the linkages to subconscious mind conditioning, chi kung and NLP change processes such as metaphor, state changes and anchoring. References Reedy HG. Unpublished Thesis, Te Tohu a Tu (The Warrior Arts of the Maori), Masters of Philosophy, Massey University 1996 Bolstad R, Hamblett M and Dyer-Huria K. Profusion, Transformations NLP Consultants Ltd, Christchurch 1995 James T, James A. Lost Secrets of Ancient Hawaiian Huna, Pre-publication manuscript 1994 Hirini Reedy M. Phil, BE(Hons) is a training consultant with Tu Strategies Ltd which specialises in integrating indigenous knowledge with the latest NLP change processes. He has extensive experience with conflict resolution and peace-brokering having served as a NZ Army officer on UN peacekeeping overseas. He is also a Maori storyteller, a NLP Master practitioner, a Reiki master and a blackbelt trainer in martial arts including the Maori taiaha. He can be contacted at: Tu Strategies Ltd, PO Box 1947 Wellington Ph (025)300-465 or email:
[email protected]
NLP and Maori Wisdom Richard Bolstad (NLP Trainer, Ngati Pakeha) In his Tauparapara for the NLP book Transforming Communication, Te Hata Ohlson (Tuhoe, with links to Ngati Whare, Ngati Kahungunu, Ngati Porou and Te Arawa) says: Tini whetu ki te Rangi Ko nga whakaaro hou taka haere Ki Papatuanuku Hei kakano mo nga aitanga Whakatupu, whakarapu Ka werohia Ka whakapoutamahia Ka tu te tangata Mana motuhake (Just as there are multitudes of stars in Father sky, so there are new thoughts roaming Mother earth; seeds for descendants growing and searching. By challenging; they progress until they are able to stand tall in their own uniqueness.) Here Te Hata celebrates the newness of NLP, and indeed NLP offers new ways to understand and explain how human beings acheive success in any situation. But while the ways of explaining this success are new (and thus make success available to us all more easily) the skills described are ancient. In the introduction to Pro-fusion, another NLP text, Karen Dyer-Huria (Kai Tahu, Kati Mamoe) describes Maori culture as a place ―where highly skilled processes of communicating, called now accelerated learning and thought of as a new technology, are a natural way to teach and preserve the history and learnings of all time.‖ Similarly, NLP Trainer Tad James (called by his Hawaiian teacher George Naope Kiaina‟auaomaikalani) says in his book Lost secrets of Ancient Hawaiian Huna ―The teaching of the Kahuna of ancient Hawaii regarding the function of the conscious mind and the unconscious mind (the science of La‘au Kahea) was so complete that western science has only recently achieved a comparable level of understanding with the work of Milton H. Erickson, M.D. [on whose work much of NLP is based]‖ Tad comments about his own NLP development of Time Line Therapy (a process for healing the past and installing goals in the future) that ―the Hawaiians had From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
362
similar concepts or systems that included the Unconscious Mind‘s internal storage of time.‖ The ancient Pacific techniques of accelerated learning and of psychological and physical healing are rediscovered in the ―modern‖ skills of NLP. For someone with a background in Maori, Hawaiian or other Pacific culture, NLP provides a second perspective from which to view skills which are not yet widely respected in Pakeha/Haole society. Maori Perspectives on Transforming Communication Interestingly, the Transforming Communication approach of reflective listening and I messages may refer to an attitude similar to the traditional Maori quality of 'whakaiti' (humility). Consider Tipene Yates description (quoted in Joan Metge‘s book ―In And Out Of Touch‖ 1986, p. 86) of his kaumatua: ―I observed them and watched them, and they all had one thing in common, whakaiti. To me that is how these old people conducted their whole way of life. You didn‘t see them abusing people; you saw them talking fire, not abuse. Always they were polite and humble. But they made their points and they would not turn away from them. They would say, 'Well, I am sorry. You say this is white, I know it is black, and you are misguided. ' Something nice like that in Maori.‖ This message uses reflective listening and an I message, followed by a reframe. The ―I message‖ format is also used in many Maori proverbs such as “Hutia te rito o te harakeke, kei hea te komako e ko, Ki mai ki ahau he aha te mea nui o te ao katoa, Maku e ki atu “He tangata, he tangata, he tangata” Tear out the heart of the flax plant (the most important part) and where would the bellbird sit? You ask me what is the most important thing in all the world. For me, I would say, ―It is a person, it is people, it is humanity.‖ The win-win format is emphasised in a number of Maori proverbs such as: ―Ma pango ma whero ka oti te mahi” By red (chief) and white (worker) pulling together the task is done. ―He kai, he kai” Some food for some food (said by the chief Rakai-paka when messengers came from his coastal Whakatane relative, Tamatea-rehe, asking for forest delicacies).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
363
NLP and Neurology © Dr Richard Bolstad
The Use Of Neurology Increasingly, those of us working with human beings have come to terms with the fact that we are communicating with and through the human nervous system. Of course, what happens between human beings is not able to be reduced to neurology, any more than the beauty of a Rembrandt painting can be reduced to the chemistry of oil paints. However, if we want to paint like Rembrandt, a knowledge of that chemistry can be crucial. If we want to understand human communication, a knowledge of how the brain functions (neurology) will be similarly crucial. This is the starting point of the discipline called Neuro Linguistic Programming. It was also the starting point for most of western psychotherapy. Sigmund Freud's declared aim was "to furnish a psychology that shall be a natural science: that is to represent psychical processes as quantitatively determined states of specifiable material particles, thus making these processes perspicuous and free from contradiction." (Freud, 1966). Everything we experience of the world comes to us through the neurological channels of our sensory systems. The greatest spiritual transcendence and the most tender interpersonal moments are "experienced" (transformed into internal experiences) as images (visual), sounds (auditory), body sensations (kinesthetic), tastes (gustatory), smells (olfactory) and learned symbols such as these words (digital). Those experiences, furthermore, can be remembered (put together again) by use of the same sensory information. Let's take a simple example. Think of a fresh lemon. Imagine one in front of you now, and feel what it feels like as you pick it up. Take a knife and cut a slice off the lemon, and hear the slight sound as the juice squirts out. Smell the lemon as you lift the slice to your mouth and take a bite of the slice. Taste the sharp taste of the fruit. If you actually imagined doing that, you mouth is now salivating. Why? Because your brain followed your instructions and thought about, saw, heard, felt, smelled and tasted the lemon. By recalling sensory information, you recreated the entire experience of the lemon, so that your body responded to the lemon you created. Your brain treated the imaginary lemon as if it was real, and prepared saliva to digest it. Seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling and tasting are the natural ―languages‖ of your brain. Each of them has a specialised area of the brain which processes that sense. Another NLP term for these senses is "Modalities". When you use these modalities, you access the same neurological circuits that you use to experience a real lemon. As a result, your brain treats what you‘re thinking about as ―real‖. Understanding this process immediately illuminates the way in which a number of psychotherapeutic problems occur. The person with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder uses the same process to recreate vivid and terrifying flashbacks to a traumatic event. And knowing how these brain circuits allow them to do that also shows us a number of ways to solve the problem. Perception Is Not A Direct Process Perception is a complex process by which we interact with the information delivered from our senses. Biochemist Graham Cairns Smith points out that there are areas of the neural cortex (outer brain) which specialise in information from each of the senses (he lists the modalities as olfactory, gustatory, somatosensory, auditory and visual). However there is no direct connection between the sense organ (the retina of the eyes, for example) and the specialised brain area which handles that sense. The cortex is the outer area of the brain, and each sense has an area of cortex specialised for it. The visual cortex, for example, is at the back of the brain. A great deal of redesigning has to happen at other places, before the raw sensory data gets to areas of the cortex where we can ―perceive‖ it. Consider the case of vision, for example. Impulses from the retina of the eye go first to the lateral geniculate body (see second diagram below), where they interact with data from a number of other brain systems. The results are then sent on to the visual cortex, where ―seeing‖ is organised. Only 20% of the flow of information From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
364
into the lateral geniculate body comes from the eyes. Most of the data that will be organised as seeing comes from areas such as the hypothalamus, a mid-brain centre which has a key role in the creation of emotion (Maturana and Varela, 1992, p 162). What we ―see‖ is as much a result of the emotional state we are in as of what is in front of our eyes. In NLP terminology, this understanding is encapsulated in the statement "The map is not the territory". The map your brain makes of the world is never the same as the real world. Because the brain is a system with feedback loops, this process goes both ways. What we see is affected by our emotions, and it also shapes those emotions. Depression, anxiety, confusion, and anger are all related to certain ―maps‖ of the world; certain types of perceptual distortion. So are joy, excitement, understanding and love. For example, the person who is depressed often actually takes their visual memories of the day's experiences and darkens them, creating a gloomy world. Notice what that does. Take a memory of a recent experience you enjoyed, and imagine seeing it dull and grey. Usually, this doesn't feel as good, so make sure you change it back to colour afterwards.
Colouring The World To get a sense of how ―creative‖ the perception of sensory information is, consider the example of colour vision. Tiny cells in the retina of the eye, called rods and cones, actually receive the first visual information from the outside world. There are three types of ―cones‖, each sensitive to light at particular places on the spectrum (the rainbow of colours we can see, ranging from violet through blue, green, yellow and orange to red). When a cone receives light from a part of the spectrum it is sensitive to, it sends a message to the brain. The cone does not know exactly which ―colour‖ it just saw; it only knows whether the light was within its range. The first type of cone picks up light at wavelengths from violet to blue green, and is most sensitive to light that is violet. The second type picks up light from violet to yellow, and is most sensitive at green. The third type picks up light from violet to red, and is most sensitive to yellow. The most overlap in the sensitivity of these three types of cone happens in the middle colours (green-and yellow) and as a result these colours appear ―brighter‖ than red and blue, when independent tests verify that they are not (Gordon, 1978, p 228). If the brain only gets information from three overlapping types of cone, how does the brain tell which colour was ―actually there‖? The answer is that it makes an estimate. In a specific "colour" area of the visual cortex, the brain compares the results from several cones next to each other, taking a sample of the three different kinds, in order to guess which colour was actually present (Cairns-Smith, 1998, p 163-164). The colour scheme that we ―see‖ is a very complex guess. In fact, you‘ve probably noticed that colours seem to change when placed next to other colours. A blue that looks quite ―pleasant‖ next to a green may look ―too strong‖ when seen next to a red, From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
365
or vice versa. Placing a dark border around a colour makes it seem less ―saturated‖ or pure (Gordon, 1978, p 228). Furthermore, what colours we see will also be affected by our emotional state. In everyday speech, we talk about ―having a blue day‖ and about ―seeing the world through rose tinted glasses‖. Emotional information altering the perception of colour is actually fed into the visual system at the lateral geniculate body, as mentioned above. The area of the visual cortex which makes final colour decisions is very precisely located. If this area of the brain is damaged in a stroke, then the person will suddenly see everything in black and white (acquired cerebral achromatopsia). At times a person will find that damage results in one side of their vision being coloured and one side being ―black and white‖ (Sacks, 1995, p 152). This phenomenon was first reported in 1888, but between 1899 and 1974 there was no discussion of it in the medical literature. Medical researcher Oliver Sacks suggests that this resulted from a cultural discomfort with facts that showed how ―manufactured‖ our vision is. In 1957, Edwin Land, inventor of the Polaroid instant camera, produced a startling demonstration of the way our brain ―makes up‖ colour schemes. He took a photo of a still life, using a yellow light filter. He then made a black and white transparency of this image. When he shone a yellow light through this transparency, viewers saw an image of the still life, showing only those areas that had emitted yellow light. Next he took a photo of the same still life, using an orange filter. Again he made a black and white transparency, and shone orange light through it. This time, viewers saw all the areas that had emitted orange light. Finally, Land turned on both transparencies at once, shining both yellow and orange light onto the screen. Viewers expected to see a picture in orange and yellow. But what they actually saw was full colour; reds, blues, greens, purples –every colour that was there in the original! The difference between the yellow and orange images had been enough to enable the viewers‘ brains to calculate what colours might have been there in the ―original scene‖. The full colour experience was an illusion; but it is the same illusion that our brain performs at every moment (Sacks, 1995, p 156). That is to say, the colours you are seeing right now are not the colours out here in the world; they are the colours your brain makes up. While we are on the subject of colour, it‘s worth noting how fully our social and psychological experience shapes our colour vision. Dr T.F. Pettigrew and colleagues in South Africa were studying "dichoptic vision". Their subjects had a mask on so they could be shown one picture to their right eye and one to their left eye. A picture of a white face was sent to one eye, and that of a black face to the other eye, at the same time. Both English speaking South Africans and "coloured" South Africans reported seeing a face. But Afrikaners tested could not see the face. They saw nothing! At a level deeper than the conscious mind, they could not fuse a black face and a white face (Pettigrew et alia, 1976).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
366
Modalities And Submodalities Inside the visual cortex, there are several areas which process "qualities" such as colour. In NLP these qualities are known as visual "submodalities" (because they are produced in small sub-sections of the visual modality). Colour is one of the first fourteen visual submodalities listed by Richard Bandler (1985, p 24). The others are distance, depth, duration, clarity, contrast, scope, movement, speed, hue, transparency, aspect ratio, orientation, and foreground/background. Colour is also one of a list described by Psychology pioneer William James as early as 1890: ―The first group of the rather long series of queries related to the illumination, definition and colouring of the mental image, and were framed thus: Before addressing yourself to any of the questions on the opposite page, think of some definite object -suppose it is your breakfast table as you sat down to it this morning- and consider carefully the picture that rises before your mind‘s eye. 1. Illumination.- Is the image dim or fairly clear? Is its brightness comparable to that of the actual scene? 2. Definition.- Are all the objects pretty well defined at the same time, or is the place of sharpest definition at any one moment more contracted than it is in a real scene? 3. Colouring.- Are the colours of the china, of the toast, bread-crust, mustard, meat, parsley, or whatever may have been on the table, quite distinct and natural?‖ (James, 1950, Volume 2, p51) Since 1950, another such list has been constructed by research on the physiology of vision. Within the visual cortex, certain areas of cells are specialised to respond to specific visual structures. The function of such cells can be found in two ways. Firstly, in a rather inhumane way, their function can be identified by connecting an electrode to the cells in a monkey‘s brain and finding out which visual objects result in those cells being activated. Secondly, the cells‘ function can be identified by studying people who have accidentally suffered damage to them. When a group of such cells are damaged, a very specific visual problem results. For example, there are cells which respond only to the submodality of motion. These cells were found in the prestriate visual cortex of monkeys‘ brains in the early 1970s. When the monkey watched a moving object, the motion cells were activated as soon as movement began. In 1983, the first clinical cases were found of people with these specific cells damaged, resulting in central motion blindness (akinetopsia). A person with akinetopsia can see a car while it is still, but once the car moves, they see it disappear and reappear somewhere else. They see life as a series of still photos (Sacks, 1995, p 181). Neurologically speaking, size, motion and colour are specialised functions, deserving of the name ―submodalities‖. Many other such functions have been neurologically identified, including brightness, orientation (the tilt of the picture), and binocular disparity (depth and distance). The first research on the neurological basis of visual submodalities was done by David Hubel and Torsten Wiesel in the 1950s and 1960s (Kalat, 1988, p 191-194). They showed that even these core submodality distinctions are a learned result of interaction with the environment. We are not born able to discriminate colour, for example. If we lived in a world with no blues, it is possible that the ability to ―see‖ blue would not develop. If this seems unbelievable, consider the following experiment on the submodality of orientation, done by Colin Blakemore and Grant Cooper (1970). Newborn cats were brought up in an environment where they could only see horizontal lines. The area of the cortex which discriminates vertical lines simply did not develop in these cats, as demonstrated by checking with electrodes, and by the cats‘ tendency to walk straight into chair legs. Similarly, cats raised where they could only see vertical lines were unable to see horizontal objects, and would walk straight into a horizontal bar. These inabilities were still present months later, suggesting that a critical phase for the development of those particular areas of the brain may have passed. Higher Levels Of Analysis The story of seeing is not yet complete with submodalities, however. From the visual cortex, messages go on to areas where even more complex meta-analysis occurs, in the temporal cortex and parietal cortex. In the temporal cortex there are clusters of cells which respond only to images of a face, and other cells which respond only to images of a hand. In fact, there seem to be cells here which store 3-D images of these and other
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
367
common shapes, so that those shapes can be ―recognised‖ from any angle. Damage to these areas does not cause ―blindness‖, but it does cause an inability to recognise the objects presented (Kalat, 1988, p 196-197). There is a specific area which puts names to faces, and damage here means that, while a photo of the person‘s partner may look familiar, the person is unable to name them. There is also an area of the temporal cortex which creates a sense of ―familiarity‖ or ―strangeness‖. When a person is looking at a picture, and has the ―familiarity‖ area stimulated, they will report that they have suddenly ―understood‖ or reinterpreted the experience. When they have the ―strangeness‖ area stimulated, they report that something puzzling has occurred to them about the image. If you then explain to them "rationally" that the object is no more or less familiar than it was, they will argue for their new way of experiencing it. They will tell you that it really has changed! It feels changed! It looks different. The analysis done in the parietal cortex is even more curious. This area seems to decide whether what is seen is worth paying conscious attention to. For example, there are cells here which assess whether an apparent movement in the visual image is a result of the eyes themselves moving, or a result of the object moving. If it decides that the ―movement‖ was just a result of your eyes moving, it ignores the movement (like the electronic image stabiliser on a video camera). Occasionally, this malfunctions; most people have had the experience of scanning their eyes quickly across a still scene and then wondering if something moved or if it was just their own eye scanning. Interestingly, if one of these meta-analysis areas is stimulated electronically, the person will report that there have been changes in their basic submodalities. Researchers have found that if they stimulate the "familiarity" area, not only do people report that they get the feeling of familiarity, but they also see objects coming nearer or receding and other changes in the basic level submodalities (Cairns-Smith, p 168). This relationship between submodalities and the "feeling" of an experience is the basis of some important NLP processes, called submodality shifts. If we ask someone to deliberately alter the submodalities of something they are thinking about, for example by moving the imagined picture away from them and brightening it up, they may suddenly get the "feeling" that their response to that thing has changed. And in fact, it will have changed. Remember the lemon I had you imagine at the start of this chapter. As you smell the juiciness of it, imagine it bigger and brighter and the smell getting stronger. Changing these submodalities changes your response right down to the body level. Remembered and Constructed Images Use The Same Pathways As Current Images So far, we have talked about research on how people ―see‖ what is actually in front of their eyes. We have shown that raw data from the eyes is relayed through the lateral geniculate body (where it is combined with information from other brain centers including emotional centers), and through the occipital visual cortex (where the submodalities are created in specific areas). From here, messages go on to the temporal and parietal lobes where more complex analysis is done. One more key point explains how this comes to be so significant for personal change and psychotherapy. Edoardo Bisiach (1978) is an Italian researcher who studied people with specific localised damage to a specific area of the posterior parietal cortex associated with "paying attention visually". When this area of the cortex is damaged on one side, a very interesting result occurs. The person will fail to pay attention to objects seen on the affected side of their visual field. This becomes obvious if you ask them to describe all the objects in the room they are sitting in. If the affected side is the left, for example, when they look across the room, they will describe to you all objects on the right of the room, but ignore everything on the left. They will be able to confirm that those objects are there on the left, if asked about them, but will otherwise not report them (Kalat, 1988, p 197; Miller, 1995, p 33-34). Bisiach quickly discovered that this damage affected more than the person's current perception. For example, he asked one patient to imagine the view of the Piazza del Duomo in Milan, a sight this man had seen every day for some years before his illness. Bisiach had him imagine standing on the Cathedral steps and got him to describe everything that could be seen looking down from there. The man described only one half of what could be seen, while insisting that his recollection was complete. Bisiach then had him imagine the view from the opposite side of the piazza. He then fluently reported the other half of the details. The man‘s image of this remembered scene clearly used the same neural pathways as were used when he looked out at Dr Bisiach sitting across the room. Because those pathways were damaged, his remembered images were altered in the same way as any current image. In the same way, the depressed person can be asked to remember From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
368
an enjoyable event from a time before she or he was depressed. However, the visual memory of the events is run through the current state of the person‘s brain, and is distorted just as their current experience is distorted. The successful artist Jonathon I suffered damage to his colour processing areas at age 65. After this a field of flowers appeared to him as "an unappealing assortment of greys". Worse, however, was his discovery that when he imagined or remembered flowers, these images were also only grey (Hoffman, 1998, p 108). If we change the functioning of the system for processing visual information, both current and remembered images will change. Cross-referencing of Modalities Submodalities occur neurologically in every sense. For example, different kinesthetic receptors and different brain processing occur for pain, temperature, pressure, balance, vibration, movement of the skin, and movement of the skin hairs (Kalat, 1988, p 154-157). Even in what NLP has called the auditory digital sense modality (language), there are structures similar to submodalities. For example, the class of linguistic structures called presuppositions, conjunctions, helper verbs, quantifiers and tense and number endings (words such as ―and‖, ―but‖, ―if‖, ―not‖, ―being‖) are stored separately from nouns, which are stored separately from verbs. Broca‘s aphasia (Kalat, 1988, p 134) is a condition where specific brain damage results in an ability to talk, but without the ability to use the first class of words (presuppositions etc). The person with this damage will be able to read ―Two bee oar knot two bee‖ but unable to read the identical sounding ―To be or not to be‖. If the person speaks sign language, their ability to make hand signs for these words will be similarly impaired. I have talked as if each modality could be considered on its own, separate from the other senses. The opposite is true. Changes in the visual submodalities are inseparable from changes in other modalities, and vice versa. When we change a person‘s experience in a visual submodality, submodalities in all the other senses are also changed. This process is known technically as ―synesthesia‖. Office workers in a room repainted blue will complain of the cold, even though the thermostat has not been touched. When the room is repainted yellow, they will believe it has warmed up, and will not complain even when the thermostat is actually set lower! (Podolsky, 1938). A very thorough review of such interrelationships was made by NLP developer David Gordon (1978, p 213-261). These cross-modality responses are neurologically based, and not simply a result of conscious belief patterns. Sounds of about 80 decibels produce a 37% decrease in stomach contractions, without any belief that this will happen – a response similar to the result of ―fear‖, and likely to be perceived as such, as the writers of scores for thriller movies know (Smith and Laird, 1930). These cross-modality changes generally occur out of conscious awareness and control, just as submodality shifts within a modality do. Synesthesias as the Basis of Metaphor In the brain, the area which controls the colour submodality area is right next to an area that represents visual (ie written) numbers (Ramachandran, 2004, p 65). Colour-number synesthesias are the most common of the ―abnormal‖ synesthesias studied by neurologists. In these ―disorders‖ the person uncontrollably and automatically sees each numeral as a different colour. The neurological closeness of the two areas in the brain obviously makes it easier for a person to connect these two very specific types of information. But synesthesia has wider implications. Ramachandran explains, ―One of the odd facts about [abnormal] synesthesia, which has been known, and ignored, for a long time, is that it is seven times more common among artists, poets, novelists – in other words, flaky types!.... What artists, poets and novelists all have in common is their skill at forming metaphors, linking seemingly unrelated concepts in their brain, as when Macbeth said ―Out, out brief candle,‖ talking about life.‖ (Ramachandran, 2004, p 71). By identifying which synesthesias are most common, we can trace where in the brain the most common connections are occurring. This leads us to the angular gyrus, strategically located at the crossroads between the parietal lobe (kinaesthetic cortex), the temporal lobe (auditory cortex) and the occipital lobe (visual cortex). The angular gyrus and this junction have been getting progressively larger from simple mammals to monkeys and then to great apes. With the development of human beings the change is, Ramachandran says ―an almost explosive development‖ (Ramachandran, 2004, p 74).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
369
Imagine, says Vilayanur Ramachandran, Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at the University of California, that the following two figures are letters in the Martian alphabet. One of them is called Kiki, and one is called Booba. Which is which?
You guessed it! Between 95% and 98% of respondents, whatever their native language, say that the first figure is Booba and the second figure is Kiki (Ramachandran, 2004, p 73). If the Martian story were true, it would tell us that something is very similar between Martian brains and all human brains. We already know of the phenomena behind this result in NLP. The correlation between an image and a sound is what we call a synesthesia. The specific qualities of the images that evoke the correlation with different sounds are what we call submodalities. In another (earth-based) study, a list of several dozen words from a South American tribal language are stated to English speakers (for whom the words are incomprehensible). Half the words are names of species of fish; half are names of species of birds. The English speakers always tend to correctly categorise the words as fish or birds, well above the level we‘d expect from statistical chance (Berlin, 1994). Synesthesia is a very specific example of what cognitive theorists Fauconnier and Turner (2002) call blending. In the example above, you immediately blended the visual quality of roundedness with the auditory sound of ―Booba‖. That blend has the isomorphic structure of a simple metaphor, but the choice of characteristics to blend is not accidental. It happens not by chance and not by conscious design, but as a result of specific structuring in the brain. Knowing the neurological structure of these events may help us design better metaphors. Our language reflects this type of specific structuring already, which is why we can easily speak of ―soft music‖ (using a kinesthetic metaphor to describe a sound) but cannot so easily speak of a ―loud texture‖ (using an auditory metaphor to describe a kinesthetic sensation). Ramachandran explains ―We have tried the booba/kiki experiment on patients who have a very small lesion in the angular gyrus of the left hemisphere. Unlike you and me, they make random shape-sound associations.‖ He has also tested a small number of these patients on their ability to understand metaphorical statements and found it equally absent. One, for example ―got fourteen out of fifteen proverbs wrong – usually interpreting them literally rather than metaphorically.‖ (Ramachandran, 2004, p 140). The temporal-parietal-occipital junction and the angular gyrus are the source of this ability to create abstract concepts by combining different inputs; an ability which creates art, poetry and metaphor. And here we have the missing link between the most abstract NLP processes (metaphor) and the most intricate (submodality shifts). Metaphor and submodality shifts occur through the same precise area of brain tissue, and have a similar neurological structure. Sensory Accessing and Representational Cues As a person goes through their daily activities, information is processed in all the sensory modalities, continuously. However, the person's conscious attention tends to be on one modality at a time. It is clear that some people have a strong preference for "thinking" (to use the term generically) in one sensory modality or another. As early as 1890, the founder of Psychology, William James defined four key types of "imagination" based on this fact. He says ―In some individuals the habitual ―thought stuff‖, if one may so call it, is visual; in others it is auditory, articulatory [to use an NLP term, auditory digital], or motor [kinesthetic, in NLP terms]; in most, perhaps, it is evenly mixed. The auditory type... appears to be rarer than the visual. Person‘s of this type imagine what they think of in the language of sound. In order to remember a lesson they impress upon their mind, not the look of the page, but the sound of the words.... The motor type remains -perhaps the most interesting of all, and certainly the one of which least is known. Persons who belong to this type make use, in memory, reasoning, and From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
370
all their intellectual operations, of images derived from movement.... There are persons who remember a drawing better when they have followed its outlines with their finger.‖ (James, 1950, Volume 2, p58-61) Research identifying the neurological bases for these different types of ―thought‖ began to emerge in the mid twentieth century. Much of it was based on the discovery that damage to specific areas of the brain caused specific sensory problems. A. Luria identified the separate areas associated with vision, hearing, sensory-motor activity, and speech (the latter isolated on the dominant hemisphere of the brain) as early as 1966. By the time NLP emerged in the 1960s, then, researchers already understood that each sensory system had a specialised brain area, and that people had preferences for using particular sensory systems. In their original 1980 presentation of NLP, Dilts, Grinder, Bandler and DeLozier (1980, p 17) point out that all human experience can be coded as a combination of internal and external vision, audition, kinesthesis and olfaction/gustation. The combination of these senses at any time (VAKO/G) is called by them a 4-tuple. Kinesthetic external is referred to as tactile (somatosensory touch sensations) and kinesthetic internal as visceral (emotional and prioceptive). The developers of NLP noticed that we also process information in words and that words too have a specific brain system specialised to process them, as if they were a sensory system. They described this verbal type of information as ―auditory digital‖, distinguishing it from the auditory input we get, for example, in listening to music or to the sound of the wind. In thinking in words (talking to ourselves) we pay attention specifically to the ―meaning‖ coded into each specific word, rather than to the music of our voice. ―The digital portions of our communications belong to a class of experience that we refer to as ―secondary experience‖. Secondary experience is composed of the representations that we use to code our primary experience –secondary experience (such as words and symbols) are only meaningful in terms of the primary sensory representations that they anchor for us.‖ (Dilts et alia, 1980, p 75). When we talk to you in words about ―music‖ for example, what we say only has meaning depending on your ability to be triggered by the word music into seeing, hearing or feeling actual sensory representations of an experience of music. Words (auditory digital) are therefore a meta-sensory system. Apart from words, there are other digital metarepresentation systems. One is the visual "digital system" used by many scientists, by composers such as Mozart, and computer programmers. This system too has a specific area of the brain which manages it. (Bolstad and Hamblett, "Visual Digital", 1999). In visual digital thinking, visual images or symbols take the place of words. Hence, Einstein says (quoted in Dilts, 1994-5, Volume II, p 48-49) ―The words or the language, as they are written or spoken, do not seem to play any role in my mechanism of thought. The psychical entities which seem to serve as elements in thought are certain signs and more or less clear images which can be ―voluntarily‖ reproduced and combined.‖ Digital senses do not just meta-comment on ―stable‖ primary representations of course. They actually alter those representations. By learning the word ―foot‖ and the word ―leg‖, you actually perceive those areas of your body as visually and kinesthetically distinct units, for example. This distinction does not occur in the New Zealand Maori language, where the leg from the thigh down plus the foot is called the wae-wae, and is considered one unit. Robert Dilts (1983, section 3, p 1-29) showed that different brain wave (EEG) patterns were associated with visual, auditory, tactile and visceral thought. The developers of NLP claimed to have identified a number of more easily observed cues which let us know which sensory system a person is using (or "accessing") at any given time. Amongst these cues are a series of largely unconscious eye movements which people exhibit while thinking (1980, p 81). These "eye movement accessing cues" have become the most widely discussed of all the NLP discoveries. Outside of NLP, evidence that eye movements were correlated with the use of different areas of the brain emerged in the 1960s (amongst the earliest being the study by M. Day, 1964). William James referred to the fact that peoples eyes move up and back as they visualise. At one stage he quotes (Volume 2, p50) Fechner‘s ―Psychophysique‖, 1860, Chapter XLIV. ―In imagining, the attention feels as if drawn backwards towards the brain‖. The standard NLP diagram of accessing cues (below) shows that visual thinking draws the eyes up, auditory to the sides and kinesthetic down. Note that auditory digital is placed down on the left side (suggesting that all the accessing cues on that side may correspond to the dominant hemisphere, where verbal abilities are known to be processed). In left handed subjects, this eye pattern is reversed about 50% of the time. Eye movements are clues as to the area in their brain from which a person is getting (accessing) information. A second aspect of thinking is which sensory modality they then "process" or re-present" that information in. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
371
Accessing and representing are not always done in the same sensory system. A person may look at a beautiful painting (Visual accessing) and think about how it feels to them (kinesthetic representation). The person‘s representing of their experience in a particular language can be identified by the words (predicates) they use to describe their subject. For example, someone might say ―I see what you mean.‖ visually, ―I‘ve tuned in to you.‖ auditorally, or ―Now I grasp that.‖ kinesthetically. The person who looks at the beautiful painting and represents it to themselves kinesthetically might well say "That painting feels so warm. The colours just flow across it." They experience the painting, in this case, as temperature and movement.
Research On The Eye Movement Phenomenon Everything in the brain and nervous system works both ways. If place "A" affects place "B", then place "B" affects place "A". We saw previously that if changing submodalities affects whether you feel familiar looking at a picture, then changing the feeling of familiarity will also change the submodalities of your image. In the same way, if thinking visually causes your eyes to be drawn up more, then placing the eyes up more will help you to visualise. Specifically, looking up to the left (for most people) will help them recall images they have seen before. Dr F. Loiselle at the University of Moncton in New Brunswick, Canada (1985) tested this. He selected 44 average spellers, as determined by their pretest on memorising nonsense words. Instructions in the experiment, where the 44 were required to memorise another set of nonsense words, were given on a computer screen. The 44 were divided into four subgroups for the experiment. Group One were told to visualise each word in the test, while looking up to the left. Group Two were told to visualise each word while looking down to the right. Group Three were told to visualise each word (no reference to eye position). Group Four were simply told to study the word in order to learn it. The results on testing immediately after were that Group One (who did actually look up left more than the others, but took the same amount of time) increased their success in spelling by 25%, Group Two worsened their spelling by 15%, Group Three increased their success by 10%, and Group Four scored the same as previously. This strongly suggests that looking up left (Visual Recall in NLP terms) enhances the recall of words for spelling, and is twice as effective as simply teaching students to picture the words. Furthermore, looking down right (Kinesthetic in NLP terms) damages the ability to visualise the words. Interestingly, in a final test some time later (testing retention), the scores of Group One remained constant, while the scores of the control group, Group Four, plummeted a further 15%, a drop which was consistent with standard learning studies. The resultant difference in memory of the words for these two groups was 61% . Thomas Malloy at the University of Utah Department of Psychology completed a study with three groups of spellers, again pretested to find average spellers. One group were taught the NLP "spelling strategy" of looking up and to the left into Visual Recall, one group were taught a strategy of sounding out by phonetics and auditory rules, and one were given no new information. In this study the tests involved actual words. Again, the visual recall spellers improved 25%, and had near 100% retention one week later. The group taught the auditory strategies improved 15% but this score dropped 5% in the following week. The control group showed no improvement. These studies support the NLP Spelling Strategy specifically, and the NLP notion of Eye Accessing Cues, in general (reported more fully in Dilts and Epstein, 1995). There are many other uses to which we can put this From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
372
knowledge. Counsellors are frequently aiming to have their clients access a particular area of the brain. For example, a counsellor may ask "How does it feel when you imagine doing that?". Such an instruction will clearly be more effective if the person is asked to look down right before answering. The English phrase "it's down right obvious" may have its origins in this kinesthetic feeling of certainty. The claim that which sensory system you talk in makes a difference to your results with specific clients was tested by Michael Yapko. He worked with 30 graduate students in counselling, and had them listen to three separate taped trance inductions. Each induction used language from one of the main three sensory systems (visual, auditory and kinesthetic). Subjects were assessed before to identify their preference for words from these sensory systems. After each induction, their depth of trance was measured by electromyograph and by asking them how relaxed they felt. On both measures, subjects achieved greater relaxation when their preferred sensory system was used. (Yapko, 1981) Strategies To achieve any result, such as relaxation, each of us has a preferred sequence of sensory "representations" which we go through. For some people, imagining a beautiful scene is part of their most effective relaxation strategy. For others, the strategy that works best is to listen to soothing music, and for others simply to pay attention to their breathing slowing down as the feeling of comfort increases. The concept of Strategies was defined in the book Neuro-Linguistic Programming Volume 1 (Dilts et alia, 1980, p 17). Here the developers of NLP say ―The basic elements from which the patterns of human behaviour are formed are the perceptual systems through which the members of the species operate on their environment: vision (sight), audition (hearing), kinesthesis (body sensations) and olfaction/gustation (smell/taste)…. We postulate that all of our ongoing experience can usefully be coded as consisting of some combination of these sensory classes.‖ Thus, human experience is described in NLP as an ongoing sequence of internal representations in the sensory systems. These senses were written in NLP notation as V (visual), A (auditory), K (kinesthetic), O (olfactory) and G (gustatory). To be more precise, the visual sense included visual recall, where I remember an image as I have seen it before through my eyes (Vr); visual construct, where I make up an image I‘ve never seen before (Vc); and visual external, where I look out at something in the real world (Ve). So if I look up and see a blue sky, and then remember being at the beach, and then feel good, the notation would go: V e VrK. Notice that, at each step, I did have all my senses functioning (I could still feel my body while I looked up), but my attention shifted from sense to sense in a sequence. The digital senses (thinking in symbols such as words) have also been incorporated into this NLP strategy notation, so that we can describe one of the common strategies people use to create a state of depression as KiAdKiAd …. (Feel some uncomfortable body sensations; tell themselves they should feel better; check how they feel now, having told themselves off; tell themselves off for feeling that way, and repeat ad nauseum!) The TOTE Model The developers of NLP used the T.O.T.E. model to further explain how we sequence sensory representations. The "TOTE" was developed by neurology researchers George Miller, Eugene Galanter and Karl Pribram (1960), as a model to explain how complex behaviour occurred. Ivan Pavlov‘s original studies had shown that simple behaviours can be produced by the stimulus-response cycle. When Pavlov‘s dogs heard the tuning fork ring (a stimulus; or in NLP terms an ―anchor‖), they salivated (response). But there is more to dog behaviour than stimulus-response. For example, if a dog sees an intruder at the gate of its section (stimulus/anchor), it may bark (response). However, it doesn‘t go on barking forever. It actually checks to see if the intruder has run away. If the intruder has run away, the dog stops performing the barking operation and goes back to it‘s kennel. If the intruder is still there, the dog may continue with that strategy, or move on to another response, such as biting the intruder. Miller, Gallanter and Pribram felt that this type of sequencing was inadequately explained in Pavlovs simple stimulus-response model. In Miller and Pribram‘s model, the first stimulus, (seeing the intruder) is the Trigger (the first T in the ―TOTE‖; Pavlov called this the "stimulus", and in NLP we also call this an "anchor") for the dog‘s ―scaring-intruders-away‖ strategy. The barking itself is the Operation (O). Checking to see if the intruder is gone yet is the Test (second T). Going back to the kennel is the Exit from the strategy (E). This might be written as VeKeVe/Vc Ke. Notice that the checking stage (Test) is done by comparing the result of the From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
373
operation (what the dog can see after barking) with the result that was desired (what the dog imagines seeing –a person running away). In the notation, comparison is written using the slash key "/". Lets take another example. When I hear some music on the radio that I really like (trigger or anchor), I reach over and turn up the radio (operation). Once it sounds as loud as I enjoy it sounding (test), I sit back and listen. The strategy, including the end piece where I listen (another whole strategy really) is A eKeAe/Ar KeAe. To revisit the strategy for depression mentioned above, we can now diagram it as KiAd Ki /Kc Ad . The first KI is the trigger, stimulus or anchor which starts the strategy. The person feels a slightly uncomfortable feeling in their body. The next step, the Ad, is where they talk to themselves and tell themselves off for feeling that way. Next, they compare the feeling they get internally now (after telling themselves off) with the feeling they got before. (Ki /Kc). Noticing that it feels worse, they tell themselves off some more (the final exit A d). The feeling of depression can be thought of as the result of repeatedly running this strategy, called "ruminating" by researchers into the problem (Seligman, 1997, p 82-83). Once we understand that every result a person achieves is a result of a strategy which begins with some trigger and leads them to act and test that action, then we have a number of new choices for changing the way they run their strategy and the results they get. We will discuss these later in the book. Meta-levels in Strategies Miller, Gallanter and Pribram (1960) had recognised that the simple stimulus-response model of Pavlov could not account for the complexity of brain activity. Of course, neither can their more complex TOTE model. Any map is an inadequate description of the real territory. The TOTE model suggests that each action we take is a result of an orderly sequence A-B-C-D. In fact, as we go to run such a "strategy", we also respond to that strategy with other strategies; to use another NLP term, we go "meta" (above or beyond) our original strategy. The developers of NLP noted that ―A meta response is defined as a response about the step before it, rather than a continuation or reversal of the representation. These responses are more abstracted and disassociated from the representations preceding them. Getting feelings about the image (feeling that something may have been left out of the picture, for instance)… would constitute a meta response in our example.‖ (Dilts et alia, 1980, p 90). Michael Hall has pointed out that such responses could be more usefully diagrammed using a second dimension (Hall, 1995, p 57) for example: Ki VeVcVc
This emphasises that the TOTE model is only a model. Real neurological processes are more network-like (O‘Connor and Van der Horst, 1994). Connections are being continuously made across levels, adding ―meaning‖ to experiences. The advantage of the TOTE model is merely that it enables us to discuss the thought process in such a way as to make sense of it and enable someone to change it. States and Strategies The NLP term ―state‖, is defined by O‘Connor and Seymour (1990, p 232) as ―How you feel, your mood. The sum total of all neurological and physical processes within an individual at any moment in time. The state we are in affects our capabilities and interpretation of experience‖. Many new NLP Practitioners assume that an emotional state is a purely kinesthetic experience. A simple experiment demonstrates why this is not true. We can inject people with noradrenalin and their kinesthetic sensations will become aroused (their heart will beat faster etc). However, the emotional state they enter will vary depending on a number of other factors in their environment. They may, for example, become ―angry‖, ―frightened‖ or ―euphoric‖. It depends on their other primary representations and on their meta-representations -what they tell themselves is happening, for example (Schachter and Singer, 1962). The same kinesthetics do not always result in the same state! Robert Dilts suggests that a person‘s state is a result of the interplay between the primary accessing, secondary representational systems, and other brain systems (1983, Section 1, p 60-69, Section 2, p 39-52, Section 3, p 12 and 49-51). Older theories assumed that this interplay must occur in a particular place in the brain; a sort of From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
374
control centre for ―states‖. It was clear by the time of Dilts‘ writing that this was not true. A state (such as a certain quality of happiness, curiosity or anxiety) is generated throughout the entire brain, and even removal of large areas of the brain will not stop the state being able to be regenerated. The state does involve a chemical basis (neuro-chemicals such as noradrenalin, mentioned above) and this specific chemical mix exists throughout the brain (and body) as we experience a particular state. Ian Marshall (1989) provides an update of this idea based on the Quantum physics of what are called ―BoseEinstein condensates. The simplest way to understand this idea is to think of an ordinary electric light, which can light up your room, and a laser, which with the same amount of electricity can beam to the moon or burn through solid objects. The difference is that the individual light waves coming off a normal light are organised, in a laser, into a coherent beam. They all move at the same wavelength in the same direction. It seems that states in the brain are a result of a similar process: protein molecules all across the brain vibrate at the same speed and in the same way. This forms what is called a Bose-Einstein condensate (a whole area of tissue which behaves according to quantum principles; see Bolstad, 1996). This vibration results in a coherent state emerging out of the thousands of different impulses processed by the brain at any given time. Instead of being simultaneously aware that your knee needs scratching, the sun is a little bright, the word your friend just said is the same one your mother used to say, the air smells of cinnamon etc (like the electric light scattering everywhere), you become aware of a ―state‖. This ―state‖ sort of summarises everything ready for one basic decision, instead of thousands. States, as Dilts originally hypothesised, are still best considered as "meta" to the representational systems. They are vast, brain-wide commentaries on the entire set of representations and physiological responses present. Our states meta-comment on and alter the representations (from the primary senses as well as from the digital senses) ―below them‖. For example, when a person is angry, they may actually be physically unable to hear their partner or spouse telling them how much they love them. The interference from the state reduces the volume of the auditory external input. This often results in a completely different strategy being run! Put another way, the "state" determines which strategies we find easy to run and which we are unable to run well. States That Regulate States Psychotherapist Virginia Satir noted that times when a person feels sadness, frustration, fear and loneliness are fairly predictable consequences of being human. In most cases, what creates serious problems is not so much the fact that people enter such states. What creates disturbance is how people feel about feeling these states. Satir says "In other words, low self-worth has to do with what the individual communicates to himself about such feelings and the need to conceal rather than acknowledge them." (Satir and Baldwin, 1983, p 195). The person with high self esteem may feel sad when someone dies, but they also feel acceptance and even esteem for their sadness. The person with low self esteem may feel afraid or ashamed of their sadness. Such "states about states" are generated by accessing one neural network (eg the network generating the state of acceptance) and "applying it" to the functioning of another neural network (eg the network generating the state of sadness). The result is a neural network which involves the interaction of two previous networks. Dr Michael Hall calls the resulting combinations "meta-states" (Hall, 1995). Our ability to generate meta-states gives richness to our emotional life. Feeling hurt when someone doesn't want to be with me is a primary level state that most people will experience at some time. If I feel angry about feeling hurt, then I create a meta-state (which we might call "aggrieved"). If I feel sad about feeling hurt, a completely different meta-state occurs (perhaps what we might call "self-pity"). If I feel compassionate about my hurt, the meta-state of "selfnurturing" may occur. Although in each case my initial emotional response is the same, the meta-state dramatically alters and determines the results for my life. How Emotional States Affect The Brain To understand the effect of emotional states in the brain, it will be useful for us to clarify exactly what happens when a strategy is run in the brain. Strategies are learned behaviours, triggered by some specific sensory representation (a stimulus). What does "learned" mean? The human brain itself is made up of about one hundred billion nerve cells or neurons. These cells organise themselves into networks to manage specific tasks. When any experience occurs in our life, new neural networks are laid down to record that event and its meaning. To create these networks, the neurons grow an array of new dendrites (connections to other neurons). Each neuron has up to 20,000 dendrites, connecting it simultaneously into perhaps hundreds of different neural networks.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
375
Steven Rose (1992) gives an example from his research with new-hatched chicks. After eating silver beads with a bitter coating, the chicks learn to avoid such beads. One peck is enough to cause the learning. Rose demonstrated that the chicks‘ brain cells change instantly, growing 60% more dendrites in the next 15 minutes. These new connections occur in very specific areas –what we might call the ―bitter bead neural networks‖. These neural networks now store an important new strategy. The strategy is triggered each time the chick sees an object the right shape and size to peck at. This is a visual strategy of course. The trigger (seeing a small round object) is Visual external (Ve) and the operation (checking the colour) is also Visual external (V e). The chick then compares the colour of the object it has found with the colour of the horrible bitter beads from its visual recall (Ve/Vr) and based on that test either pecks the object or moves away from it (K e). We would diagram this strategy: VeVeVe/VrKe. Obviously, the more strategies we learn, the more neural networks will be set up in the brain. California researcher Dr Marion Diamond (1988) and her Illinois colleague Dr William Greenough (1992) have demonstrated that rats in ―enriched‖ environments grow 25% more dendrite connections than usual, as they lay down hundreds of new strategies. Autopsy studies on humans confirm the process. Graduate students have 40% more dendrite connections than high school dropouts, and those students who challenged themselves more had even higher scores (Jacobs et alia, 1993). How do messages get from one neuron to another in the brain? The transmission of impulses between neurons and dendrites occurs via hundreds of precise chemicals called ―information substances‖; substances such as dopamine, noradrenaline (norepinephrine), and acetylcholine. These chemical float from one cell to another, transmitting messages across the "synapse" or gap between them. Without these chemicals, the strategy stored in the neural network cannot run. These chemicals are also the basis for what we are calling an emotional state, and they infuse not just the nervous system but the entire body, altering every body system. A considerable amount of research suggests that strong emotional states are useful to learning new strategies. J. O‘Keefe and L. Nadel found (Jensen, 1995, p 38) that emotions enhance the brain‘s ability to make cognitive maps of (understand and organise) new information. Dr James McGaugh, psychobiologist at UC Irvine notes that even injecting rats with a blend of emotion related hormones such as enkephalin and adrenaline means that the rats remember longer and better (Jensen, 1995, p 33-34). He says ―We think these chemicals are memory fixatives…. They signal the brain, ―This is important, keep this!‖… emotions can and do enhance retention.‖ Neural Networks Are State Dependent However there is another important effect of the emotional state on the strategies we run. The particular mixture of chemicals present when a neural network is laid down must be recreated for the neural network to be fully reactivated and for the strategy it holds to run as it originally did. If someone is angry, for example, when a particular new event happens, they have higher noradrenaline levels. Future events which result in higher noradrenaline levels will re-activate this neural network and the strategy they used then. As a result, the new event will be connected by dendrites to the previous one, and there will even be a tendency to confuse the new event with the previous one. If my childhood caregiver yelled at me and told me that I was stupid, I may have entered a state of fear, and stored that memory in a very important neural network. When someone else yells at me as an adult, if I access the same state of fear, I may feel as if I am re-experiencing the original event, and may even hear a voice telling me I‘m stupid. This is called ―state dependent memory and learning‖ or SDML. Our memories and learnings, our strategies, are dependent on the state they are created in. ―Neuronal networks may be defined in terms of the activation of specifically localised areas of neurons by information substances that reach them via diffusion through the extracellular fluid…. In the simplest case, a 15-square mm neuronal network could be turned on or off by the presence or absence of a specific information substance. That is, the activity of this neuronal network would be “state-dependent” on the presence or absence of that information substance.‖ (Rossi and Cheek, 1988, p 57). Actually, all learning is state dependent, and examples of this phenomenon have been understood for a long time. When someone is drunk, their body is flooded with alcohol and its by-products. All experiences encoded at that time are encoded in a very different state to normal. If the difference is severe enough, they may not be able to access those memories at all… until they get drunk again! At times, the neural networks laid down in one experience or set of experiences can be quite "cut off" (due to their different neuro-chemical basis) from the rest of the person's brain. New brain scanning techniques begin to give us more realistic images of how this actually looks. Psychiatrist Don Condie and neurobiologist Guochuan Tsai used a fMRI scanner to study the brain patterns of a woman with ―multiple personality disorder‖. In this From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
376
disorder, the woman switched regularly between her normal personality and an alter ego called ―Guardian‖. The two personalities had separate memory systems and quite different strategies. The fMRI brain scan showed that each of these two personalities used different neural networks (different areas of the brain lit up when each personality emerged). If the woman only pretended to be a separate person, her brain continued to use her usual neural networks, but as soon as the ―Guardian‖ actually took over her consciousness, it activated precise, different areas of the hippocampus and surrounding temporal cortex (brain areas associated with memory and emotion).(Adler, 1999, p 29-30) Freud based much of his approach to therapy on the idea of ―repression‖ and an internal struggle for control of memory and thinking strategies. This explanation of the existence of ―unconscious‖ memories and motivations (―complexes‖) can now be expanded by the state dependent memory hypothesis. No internal struggle is needed to account for any of the previously described phenomena. The ―complex‖ (in Freudian terms) can be considered as simply a series of strategies being run from a neural network which is not activated by the person‘s usual chemical states. Rossi and Cheek note ―This leads to the provocative insight that the entire history of depth psychology and psychoanalysis now can be understood as a prolonged clinical investigation of how dissociated or state-dependent memories remain active at unconscious levels, giving rise to the “complexes”… that are the source of psychological and psychosomatic problems.‖ (Rossi and Cheek, 1988, p 57). Dr Lewis Baxter (1994) showed that clients with obsessive compulsive disorder have raised activity in certain specific neural networks in the caudate nucleus of the brain. He could identify these networks on PET scan, and show how, once the OCD was treated, these networks ceased to be active. Research on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has also shown the state-dependent nature of its symptoms (van der Kolk et alia, 1996, p291-292). Sudden re-experiencing of a traumatic event (called a flashback) is one of the key problems in PTSD. Medications which stimulate body arousal (such as lactate, a by-product of physiological stress) will produce flashbacks in people with PTSD, but not in people without the problem (Rainey et alia, 1987; Southwick et alia, 1993). Other laboratory studies show that sensory stimuli which recreate some aspect of the original trauma (such as a sudden noise) will also cause full flashbacks in people with PTSD (van der Kolk, 1994). This phenomenon is Pavlov's "classical conditioning", also known in NLP as "anchoring". State dependent learning is the biological process behind classical conditioning. The results of such classical conditioning can be bizarre. Mice who have been given electric shocks while in a small box will actually voluntarily return to that box when they experience a subsequent physical stress (Mitchell et alia, 1985). This is not a very nice experiment, but it does shed light on some of the more puzzling behaviours that humans with PTSD engage in. People come to psychotherapists and counsellors to solve a variety of problems. Most of these are due to strategies which are run by state-dependent neural networks that are quite dramatically separated from the rest of the person's brain. This means that the person has all the skills they need to solve their own problem, but those skills are kept in neural networks which are not able to connect with the networks from which their problems are run. The task of NLP change agents is often to transfer skills from functional networks (networks that do things the person is pleased with) to less functional networks (networks that do things they are not happy about). Rapport: The Work of The Mirror Neurons In 1995 a remarkable area of neurons was discovered by researchers working at the University of Palma in Italy (Rizzolatti et alia, 1996; Rizzolatti and Arbib, 1998). The cells, now called ―mirror neurons‖, are found in the pre-motor cortex of monkeys and apes as well as humans. In humans they form part of the specific area called Broca‘s area, which is also involved in the creation of speech. Although the cells are related to motor activity (ie they are part of the system by which we make kinaesthetic responses such as moving an arm), they seem to be activated by visual input. When a monkey observes another monkey (or even a human) making a body movement, the mirror neurons light up. As they do, the monkey appears to involuntarily copy the same movement it has observed visually. Often this involuntary movement is inhibited by the brain (otherwise the poor monkey would be constantly copying every other monkey), but the resulting mimickery is clearly the source of the saying ―monkey see, monkey do‖. In human subjects, when the brain is exposed to the magnetic field of transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), thus reducing conscious control, then merely showing a movie of a person picking up an object will cause the subject to involuntarily copy the exact action with their hand (Fadiga et alia, 1995). This ability to copy a fellow creatures actions as they do them has obviously been very important in the development of primate social intelligence. It enables us to identify with the person we are observing. When this area of the brain is damaged in From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
377
a stroke, copying another‘s actions becomes almost impossible. The development of speech has clearly been a result of this copying skill. Furthermore, there is increasing evidence that autism and Aspergers syndrome are related to unusual activity of the mirror neurons. This unusual activity results in a difficulty the autistic person has understanding the inner world of others, as well as a tendency to echo speech parrot-fashion and to randomly copy others‘ movements (Williams et alia, 2001). Mirror neurons respond to facial expressions as well, so that they enable the person to directly experience the emotions of those they observe. This results in what researchers call ―emotional contagion‖ – what NLP calls rapport (Hatfield et alia, 1994). How The Brain Experiences Oneness The posterior superior (back upper) parts of the parietal cortex is called the Orientation Association Area or OAA (Newberg, D‘Aquili and Vince, 2002, p 4). It analyses the entire visual image into two categories: self and other. When this area is damaged, the person has difficulty working out where they are in relation to what they see. Just trying to lie down on a bed becomes so complicated that the person will fall onto the floor. Like many brain structures, there is actually a left side OAA and a right side OAA. The left OAA creates the sensation of a physical body, and the right OAA creates a sense of an outside world in which that body moves. Andrew Newberg and Gene D‘Aquili have studied the OAA in both Tibetan Buddhist meditators and in Franciscan nuns (Newberg, D‘Aquili and Vince, 2002, p 4-7). Newberg and D‘Aquili used a SPECT (single photon emission computed tomography) camera to observe these people in normal awareness, and then at the times when they were at a peak of meditating or praying. At these peak moments, activity in the OAA ceased as the person‘s brain stopped separating out their ―self‖ from the ―outside world‖ and simply experienced life as it is; as one undivided experience. The Buddhist meditators would report, at this time, that they had a sense of timelessness and infinity, of being one with everything that is. The nuns tended to use slightly different language, saying that they were experiencing a closeness and at-oneness with God and a sense of great peace and contentment. The stilling of the sense of separate self creates an emotional state which is described variously as bliss, peace, contentment or ecstasy. Newberg and D‘Aquili speculate that the same stilling of the OAA occurs in peak sexual experiences, and that earlier in human history this may have been the main source of such states of oneness (and may be its evolutionary ―purpose‖ in the brain – Newberg, D‘Aquili and Rause, 2002, p 126). What we can be sure of from this experiment is that the human brain is designed to experience the profound states of oneness and the resulting bliss that spiritual teachers have reported throughout history. In fact, in some senses, this way of experiencing life is more fundamental to our brain than the categorisation of the world into ―me‖ and ―not me‖ which is happens in our ordinary awareness. The experience of oneness is also truer to the nature of the universe as revealed by quantum physics. Spiritual experience is as natural to us humans as seeing or talking. When the categorisation of sensory experience by the VCA and the OAA is stilled, the oneness of the universe is blissfully revealed. Newberg, D‘Aquili and Rause say, this is ―why God will not go away‖ in our history. Where Awareness Lives In The Body The nervous system is the most obvious hardware in which information (such as our memories) can be stored in the human body. This information is stored in electrical circuits, created by the formation of connections between the brain cells or neurons. The storage and electrical activation of these memories (what we might call thoughts and emotions) can be easily monitored by a machine called an electroencephalogram (ECG). To monitor these thought processes (―brain waves‖), it is not necessary to drill a hole into the head. This is because brain waves, like all electricity, are a field phenomenon. They can be measured on the skin by electrodes, or even in the air around the person if a sensitive enough instrument is used. As you read these words, you respond in thoughts and emotions, and electrical impulses travel through your brain, creating an electrical field which can be easily measured outside the body. But this process does not limit itself to the brain. As electricity flows through the brain in all the new connections you have created, it has to get from the edge of one neuron to receptors on the edge of the next. Messages are carried between the neurons and across the body at large on messenger molecules called polypeptides (chemicals such as adrenaline and the endorphins). These molecules are the chemical basis of our emotional states. Adrenaline, for example, is involved in emotional From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
378
states such as fear and excitement. The endorphins are involved in states such as joy and love. When we hear about these messenger chemicals, we are prone to imagining hundreds of different chemicals, which need to be separately created by the body in order for you to feel a certain emotion. Researcher Candice Pert, the discoverer of the opiate-like endorphins, notes that while there are hundreds of messenger chemicals, they are all built from variants of a few molecules. Pert explains: ―All the evidence from our lab suggests that in fact there is actually only one type of molecule in the opiate receptors, one long polypeptide chain whose formula you can write. This molecule is quite capable of changing its conformation within its membrane so that it can assume a number of shapes. I note in passing that this interconversion can occur at a very rapid pace – so rapid that it is hard to tell whether it is one state or another at a given moment in time. In other words, receptors have both a wave-like and a particulate character, and it is important to note that information can be stored in the form of time spent in different states.‖ (Pert, 1986, p 14-15). As electricity reaches the end of a nerve cell, it is transferred to messenger molecules waiting there. These molecules change shape in response, sometimes fluctuating between one shape and another. The molecules then link on to the next nerve cell in the chain, or onto the white blood cells which form the immune system. The Mobile Brain One of Candace Pert‘s most important discoveries is was that the white ―blood‖ cells of the immune system have as many receptors for information chemicals as neurons do. These white cells move both through the bloodstream and directly through the body tissue, and act as a mobile brain. The messenger molecules change shape in response to minute electrical shifts, so that your whole body-wide emotional state can change instantly in response to shifts such as thoughts. Your immune response is similarly affected from moment to moment by your emotional state. This enables your body to respond to quantum level phenomena. As the immune cells transmit information about the quantum level changes to every part of the body, they enable you as an ―observer‖ to almost magically affect every cell. The Brain In The Abdomen So far, we have talked as if the brain in the head is the central co-ordinator of thought and emotion in the body. In fact, it is only one of three key areas. The other two are the gut (abdomen) and the heart. When the nervous system is developing in a human embryo, the original ―neural crest‖ divides into two sections. One remains in the head, and the other migrates down into the abdomen. Only later are the two systems connected by a two way highway called the Vagus nerve. The abdominal brain, which consists of two centres called the myenteric and the submucosal, has 100 million or so neurons –more than the spinal cord. It is a separate functional brain which plays an important role in emotional responses such as anxiety, and in the processing of information during sleep. The electrical patterns in the gut can be monitored by a machine called an electrogastrogram (EG). Studies with this machine show that the rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, in which dreams occur in the brain, coincides with a time of rapid muscle movements and thinking in the gut, explaining why indigestion is associated with bad dreams (Tache, Wingate and Burks, 1994). New York professor of anatomy Michael Gershon has collated research showing that the brain in the gut learns separately from the brain in the head, and creates its own daily routines which often overide decisions made by the conscious mind (Gershon, 1998). The Brain In The Heart It is easy enough to understand that the huge area of neurons in the gut forms a separate centre for thinking and emotion. On the other hand, we do not usually think of the heart muscle as a potential thinking organ. However, anywhere that electricity is generated and stored in the body is potentially a storage organ for thought and emotion, as we shall see. The heart muscle uses an electrical system to operate, and this electrical change can be monitored by placing electrodes on the skin of the chest or even the arms. The measuring instrument in this case is called an electrocardiogram (ECG or EKG). Much of our understanding of the heart as a memory storage organ comes from heart transplants. So far, neither the gut nor the brain can be transplanted. However, we would expect that if someone else‘s brain was transplanted into your body, their ―mind‖ would now exist in your body. The development of heart transplants
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
379
over the last decades has afforded us a remarkable way of studying the role the heart plays in memory and emotion. Dr Paul Pearsall (1998), Dr Gary Schwartz and Dr Linda Russek (1999) are researchers in the new field of energy cardiology. They have found that almost all heart transplant recipients report experiencing memories and emotional responses which seem to come from the heart donor‘s personality. Generally, these memories are minor. One young man kept saying to people after his transplant that ―Everything is copacetic‖. He then found out from the wife of his heart donor that ―copacetic‖ was a code word she and her husband had used to reassure each other that they were okay. After her heart transplant, one young woman developed a craving for Kentucky Fried Chicken nuggets (which she had never eaten before). She then found out that the heart donor had died in a motorcycle accident with his pockets full of his favourite food (Chicken nuggets). A psychiatrist recounted to Dr Paul Pearsall a story where the memories were more pervasive: "I have a patient, an eight-year-old little girl who received the heart of a murdered ten-year-old girl. Her mother brought her to me when she started screaming at night about her dreams of the man who had murdered her donor. She said her daughter knew who it was. After several sessions, I just could not deny the reality of what this child was telling me. Her mother and I finally decided to call the police and, using the descriptions from the little girl, they found the murderer. He was easily convicted with evidence my patient provided. The time, the weapon, the place, the clothes he wore, what the little girl he killed had said to him ... everything the little heart transplant recipient reported was completely accurate." (Pearsall, 1998, p 7). The heart is not merely a pump. It is an organ which stores and processes emotions and memories. When traditional cultures talk about ―gut feelings‖ and ―heart-felt truths‖ they are not speaking metaphorically. They are referring to two of the key organs in which human awareness is seated. In China the three ―brains‖ (the one in the head, the gut and the heart) are called Dan-tiens. They are the main centres for the energy or ―chi‖ which is regulated and directed in Traditional Chinese medicine. The Brain And NLP: A Summary A number of the factors I have discussed in this article create choices for an NLP Practitioner wanting to help a client transfer functional skills to the neural networks where they are needed. To summarise what we have said about the brain with this in mind:
The brain responds to visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory-gustatory and auditory digital (verbal) cues. Remember the lemon! Each of these modalities is run by a particular area of the cortex (outer brain). The sensory organs are only indirectly connected to the areas of the cortex that analyse their data. On the way, the deeper areas of the brain where emotion and memories are stored influence the results of perception. Within each modality (sensory system) in the cortex, there are specific smaller areas which adjust the qualities of that sensory experience (the 'submodalities'). These include such qualities as colour and distance, visually. When these submodalities change, the person's "feeling state" about the experience will change. Memories and imagined experiences are run through the same sensory areas of the brain as new experiences. The submodalities of our memories and our imaginings are altered by our emotional state as we think of those memories or imagine those possibilities. All the outcomes people generate in their brain are the result of a series of internal sensory "representations". In NLP such a series is called a strategy. As people run through a strategy, and access information from the different modalities, there are a number of ways we can observe their thinking in these modalities. By watching their eye movements, we can see which area of the brain they are drawing information from. By listening to their words, we can hear which sensory system they are using to re-present the information to themselves. Strategies can be thought of as having a trigger that starts them (also called an "anchor" in NLP), an operation where the person acts and collects information in some sense, a test where the person checks whether the results they got are the results they wanted, and an exit where they act based on this test. This sequence is known by the acronym TOTE. In real life, strategies are not simple sequential operations. The brain is able to meta-respond to a strategy. Each strategy is run by a neural network (a set of neurons connected by dendrites and supported by a chemical mix of neuro-transmitters).
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
380
This chemical mix which supports a specific neural network is a key ingredient of what we call an "emotional state", which is a brain-wide experience. When a neural network is dependent on a state which is very different to those usually occurring, then the person's usual coping skills may not be available while that state is active. Social skills including language use and empathy are dependent on the use of mirror neurons in the language area in the brain. Mirror neurons result in a tendency to involuntarily copy the gestures and facial expressions of others and to thus build an internal representation of their experience. This process is known in NLP as rapport. Helping someone change involves helping them access or trigger useful neural networks (running useful strategies) at the times they need them (often times when, in the past, they were triggered into using unresourceful strategies). In the human body, consciousness particularly manifests itself in those areas which generate and store electrical energy; the heart, abdomen and brain. An understanding of the brain assists us to make sense of how human beings experience spiritual states. The Orientation Association areas (OAA) divide sensory experience into two categories: self and non-self. When the OAA is relatively still, then we experience the universe in its undifferentiated unity. This undivided experience of the universe occurs in deep meditation and prayer, and is the core experience in the field of spirituality.
© Dr Richard Bolstad E-mail:
[email protected] Website: http://www.transformations.net.nz Bibliography Adler, R. ―Crowded Minds‖ in New Scientist, Vol. 164, No. 2217, p 26-31, December 18, 1999 Bandler, R. Using Your Brain For A Change Real People Press, Moab, Utah, 1985 Baxter L. R. ―Positron emission tomography studies of cerebral glucose metabolism in obsessive compulsive disorder.‖ Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 1994, 55 Supplement: p 54-9. Bisiach, E. and Luzzatti, C. ―Unilateral Neglect of Representational Space‖ p 129-133 in Cortex, 14 (4), 1978 Blakemore, C. and Cooper, G. ―Development of the Brain Depends on The Visual Environment‖ p 477-478 in Nature, 228, 1970 Bolstad, R. and Hamblett, M. ―Visual Digital: Modality of the Future?‖ in NLP World, Vol 6, No. 1, March 1999 Bolstad, Richard, ―NLP: The Quantum Leap‖ in NLP World, Vol 3, No. 2, July 1996, p5-34 Cairns-Smith, A.G. Evolving The Mind Cambridge University, Cambridge, 1998 Day, M. ―An Eye Movement Phenomenon Relating to Attention, Thoughts, and Anxiety‖ in Perceptual Motor Skills, 1964 Diamond, M. Enriching Heredity: The Impact of the Environment on the Brain Free Press, New York, 1988 Dilts, R. Modelling With NLP Meta Publications, Capitola, California, 1998 Dilts, R. Roots Of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Meta Publications, Cupertino, California, 1983 Dilts, R., Grinder, J., Bandler, R. and DeLozier, J. Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Volume 1 The Study of the Structure of Subjective Experience, Meta Publications, Cupertino, California, 1980 Dilts, R.B. and Epstein, T.A. Dynamic Learning, Meta Publications, Capitola, 1995 Dilts, R.B. Strategies of Genius, Volume I, II, and III, Meta Publications, Capitola, 1994-5 Fadiga, L., Fogassi, G., Pavesi, G. and Rizzolatti, G. ―Motor Facilitation during action observation: a magnetic stimulation study‖ p 2608-2611 in Journal of Neurophysiology, No. 73, 1995 Fauconnier, G. and Turner, M. The Way We Think Basic Books, New York, 2002 Freud, S. "Project For A Scientific Psychology" in The Standard Edition Of The Complete Psychological Works Of Sigmund Freud Hogarth Press, London, 1966 Gershon, M. The Second Brain Harper Collins, New York, 1998 Gordon, D. Therapeutic Metaphors Meta, Cupertino, California, 1978 Greenough, W.T., Withers, G. and Anderson, B. ―Experience-Dependent Synaptogenesis as a Plausible Memory Mechanism‖ p 209-229 in Gormezano, I. And Wasserman, E. ed Learning and Memory: The Behavioural and Biological Substrates Erlbaum & Associates, Hillsdale, New Jersey, 1992 Hall, M. ―The New Domain of Meta-States in the History of NLP‖ p 53-60 in NLP World, Vol 2, No. 3, November 1995 Hatfield, E., Cacioppo, J. and Rapson, R. Emotional Contagion Cambridge University Press, Cambridge, 1994 Hoffman, D.D. Visual Intelligence W.W. Norton & Co., New York, 1998 James, W. The Principles Of Psychology (Volume 1 and 2), Dover, New York, 1950. Jensen, E. Brain-Based Teaching And Learning Turning Point, Del Mar, California, 1995 Kalat, J.W. Biological Psychology Wadsworth Publishing, Belmont, California, 1988 From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
381
Lakoff, G. and Johnson, M. Metaphors We Live By University of Chicago Press, Chicago, 1980 Luria, A.R. Higher Cortical Functions In Man, Basic Books, New York, 1966 Malloy, T.E. "Cognitive strategies and a classroom procedure for teaching spelling" Department of Psychology, University of Utah, 1989 Malloy, T.E., Mitchell, C. and Gordon, O.E. "Training cognitive strategies underlying intelligent problem solving" p 1039-1046 in Perceptual and Motor Skills, No 64, 1987 Marshall, I., ―Consciousness and Bose-Einstein condensates‖ in New Ideas in Psychology, 7, 1989, p 73-83 Maturana, H.R. and Varela, F.J. The Tree Of Knowledge Shambhala, Boston, 1992 Mealey, L., Daood, C., & Krage, M. ―Enhanced Memory for Faces Associated with Potential Threat.‖ p 119128 in Ethology and Sociobiology, Vol. 17, No. 2, 1996 Miller, G., Galanter, E. and Pribram, K. Plans And The Structure Of Behaviour, Henry Holt & Co., 1960 Mitchell, D., Osbourne, E.W., and O'Boyle, M.W. "Habituation under stress: Shocked mice show nonassociative learning in a T-maze" p 212-217 in Behavioural and Neural Biology, No 43, 1985 Newberg, A., D‘Aquili, E. and Rause, V. Why God Won‘t Go Away Ballantine, New York, 2002 O‘Connor, J. and Seymour, J. Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Harper Collins, London, 1990 O‘Connor, J. and Van der Horst, B. ―Neural Networks and NLP Strategies: Part 2‖ p 30-38 in Anchor Point Vol 8, No. 6, June 1994 Pearsall, P. The Heart‘s Code Broadway, New York, 1998 Pert, C.B. ―The Wisdom of the Receptors: Neuropeptides, The Emotions and Bodymind‖ in Advances, 3(3), p 8-16, 1986 Pert, C.B. Molecules of Emotion Simon & Schuster, New York, 1999 Pettigrew, T.F. et alia, "Unconscious Interpretation Precedes Seeing" in Brain/Mind Bulletin, March 15,1976 Podolsky, E. The Doctor Prescribes Colours National Library Press, New York, 1938 Rainey, J.M., Aleem, A., Ortiz, A., Yaragani, V., Pohl, R. and Berchow, R. "Laboratory procedure for the inducement of flashbacks" p 1317-1319 in American Journal of Psychiatry, No. 144, 1987 Ramachandran, V.S. A Brief Tour of Human Consciousness Pearson Education, New York, 2004 Rizzolatti, G., Fadiga, L., Gallese, V. and Fogassi, L. ―Premotor cortex and the recognition of motor actions‖ p 131-141 in Cognitive Brain Research, No. 3, 1996 Rizzolatti,G. and Arbib, M.A. ―Language within our grasp‖ p 188-194 in Trends in Neuroscience, No. 21, 1998 Rose, S. The Making of Memory, Bantam, New York, 1992. Rossi, E.L. and Cheek, D.B. Mind-Body Therapy, W.W. Norton & Company, New York, 1988 Rossi, E.L. The Psychobiology Of Mind-Body Healing, W.W. Norton & Company, New York, 1986 Rossi, E.L. The Symptom Path To Enlightenment, Palisades Gateway Publishing, Pacific Palisades, California, 1996 Sacks, O. ―Scotoma: Forgetting and Neglect in Science‖ in Silvers, R. ed Hidden Histories of Science Granta, London, 1995 Satir, V. and Baldwin, M. Satir Step By Step, Science and Behaviour, Palo Alto, california, 1983 Schwartz, G.E.R. and Russek, L.G.S. The Living Energy Universe Hampton, Charlottesville, Virginia, 1999 Seligman, M.E.P. Learned Optimism, Random House, Sydney, 1997 Smith, E.L. and Laird, D.A., ―The Loudness of Auditory Stimuli Which Affect Stomach Contractions In Healthy Human Beings‖ in Journal of the Acoustic Society of America, 2, p94-98, 1930 Southwick, S.M., Krystal, J.H., Morgan, A., Johnson, D., Nagy, L., Nicolaou, A., Henninger, G.R., and Charney, D.S. "Abnormal noradrenergic function in posttraumatic stress disorder" p 266-274 in Archives of General Psychiatry, No. 50, 1993 Tache, Y., Wingate, D.L., and Burks, T.F. Innervation of the Gut CRC Press, Boca Raton, Florida, 1994 Van der Kolk, B.A., McFarlane, A.C. and Weisaeth, L. eds Traumatic Stress Guilford, New York, 1996 Williams, J.H.G., Whiten, A., Suddendorf, T. and Perrett,D.I. ―Imitation, mirror neurons and autism‖ p 287-295 in Neuroscience and Biobehavioural Review, No 25, 2001 Yapko. M., ―The Effects of Matching Primary Representational System Predicates on Hypnotic Relaxation.‖ in the American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis, 23, p169-175, 1981
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
382
Training Agreements With Transformations Our experience is that NLP Trainings run successfully when students and staff are committed to some agreements about the process of training. Some of these agreements are included in every training we run (typed below). Others may be added to this list by negotiation during a training. 1. Permission to Learn: Participants are here to learn. Asking questions, listening and experimenting with new skills is encouraged to the extent that participants permit others to do similarly. 2. Timing and Attendance: The course is structured so that what happens in the first 30 minutes each day shapes what happens the rest of the day. What happens in one day shapes all the following days. Commit yourself to 100% attendance and notify us as soon as possible if its not easy achieving it. 3. Safety: On our courses you will learn powerful personal change techniques. We expect you to use these only where they support your own and others' positive intentions. We also ask that you do each technique as taught, so as to get the result described. 4. Confidentiality: In the event that personal information is revealed during the course by any other participant, treat this information as confidential to this context. Get permission before passing on information specific to any individual. Note additional agreements from your training here: 5._________________________________________________________________________ 6._________________________________________________________________________ 7._________________________________________________________________________ 8._________________________________________________________________________ 9._________________________________________________________________________
Ensuring The Agreements Are Working a) If you have a concern about these or any other matters please let an assistant or trainer know so we can resolve it as soon as possible, including providing individual Assistant support with learning if needed. If your concern involves the behaviour of other participants or staff, the Assistant or Trainer will help you to clarify your choices in terms of: 1) approaching that person to resolve the concern, 2) approaching that person with their support to resolve the concern, 3) raising the concern in the group for discussion.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
383
b) If the Trainers have a concern about your behaviour in regard to any of the agreements, or in other ways which may endanger your achievement of course objectives, we'll let you know as soon as possible. This method applies to Trainers own concerns. The trainers do not undertake to act on behalf of participants to ―fix‖ participant‘s concerns in relation to another participant, assistant or trainer, in secrecy from that other person. Such concerns can be resolved as described in a) above. c) If either of us is not happy with the result of a) or b) above, an assistant or trainer will be available as a mediator to assist finding a mutually satisfactory conclusion. d) If, following this process, either the participant remains unhappy with the result or the trainers remain concerned about a persons inability to meet course objectives, the participant will be offered the option of a full refund of their fees upon their leaving the course. This option is available any time before a participant has received certification. If at a future time such a participant wants to re-enter training for that certification, their fee will need to be renegotiated. e) Transformations International Consulting & Training is a recognised NLP Training provider with the New Zealand Association of NLP and the International NLP Association. If the above measures are not effective in resolving a complaint, you can contact the secretary of the NZANLP at PO Box 90210, Newmarket, Auckland or email
[email protected] The secretary will provide you with a copy of the complaints process and check with the president to confirm whether the concern involves the NZANLP code of ethics, and whether a formal complaint is therefore appropriate. The secretary will assist you through this process. The NZANLP Code of Ethics and the Complaints Procedure are available from her/him.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
384
Training and Certification Agreement Training:_____________ Dates:________________ 1.
In agreeing to this training I accept that I will be learning information useful to create rapid and lasting personal change. The power of these techniques requires care, integrity and respect for the highest intention of all those involved.
2.
I undertake, both during the course and after, to use this information only for self improvement or to achieve positive and ethical outcomes for others with whom I am involved, personally or professionally.
3.
I understand that this workshop may raise emotional issues, but is not intended to provide a replacement for ongoing counselling or psychotherapy. It is a training workshop.
4.
I also understand that this course is not a substitute for formal education in the behavioural sciences. I agree to use this information only as it applies to my personal level of expertise, and my existing professional credentials and/or education.
5.
I also undertake, both during the course and after, to respect the copyright of written materials, and audio/visual recordings of any part of this course; unless first negotiating the conditions of use of such written materials or recordings with the trainers.
Name (printed) _________________________________________________ Signature __________________________
Date _______________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
385
NLP Practitioner Certification Optional Course Review
1.
What is Neurolinguistic Programming?________________________ __________________________________________________________
2.
List 6 Presuppositions of N. L. P. _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________
3.
What is the law of requisite variety?___________________________ __________________________________________________________
4.
What is rapport?___________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
5.
List 4 things you could match to achieve rapport. 1._________________________ 2._________________________ 3._________________________ 4._________________________
6.
What is crossover mirroring? __________________________________________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
386
7.
Mark on this diagram the eye patterns of a normally organised right handed person as you look at their face:
8.
What is a “Representation System” and how do you detect it? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
9.
What is a “Lead System” and how do you detect it? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
10.
For each of the following predicate words, identify whether they are (V) Visual, (At) Auditory tonal, (Ad) Auditory digital, (K) Kinesthetic, (O) Olfactory, or (G) Gustatory. stink see look thoughtful tension watch throw
11.
warm hear feel viewpoint putrid silent motivate
tough yummy sense tell push music bitter
look remember taste survey shocking hard brilliant
Which of the following descriptions are sensory based (S) and which are guesses (G)? *Her lips puffed and the muscles on her face tightened. *She was relieved. *The volume of his voice was reduced. *She cringed inside. *He was cold towards me. *He showed remorse. *His pupils dilated. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
387
12.
Translate the following sentences into a different representational system: (a) Things are looking good. __________________________________________________________ (b) My life is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. __________________________________________________________ (c) That really burns me up! __________________________________________________________ (d) That sounds like a great idea. __________________________________________________________ (e) People don‟t see me as I see myself. __________________________________________________________ (f) This experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth. __________________________________________________________ (g) I‟m getting a real lift out of this. __________________________________________________________
13.
What is “overlapping representational systems” and when would you use it?_________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
14.
List the 7 wellformedness conditions to SPECIFY an outcome. 1._________________________ 2._________________________ 3._________________________ 4._________________________ 5._________________________ 6._________________________ 7._________________________
15.
Briefly explain the purpose of the metamodel, mentioning the terms Distortion, Deletion and Generalisation in your answer. __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
388
16.
Identify a metamodel pattern in each of the following sentences and write an appropriate metamodel reply.... (a) He makes me happy. Pattern:_______________ Reply:_____________________________ (b) It‟s wrong to cheat. Pattern:_______________ Reply:_____________________________ (c) I don‟t like my relationship. Pattern:_______________ Reply:_____________________________ (d) Nobody ever pays any attention to me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:_____________________________ (e) I know you love me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:_____________________________ (f) Susan hurt me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:_____________________________ (g) I‟m angry. Pattern:_______________ Reply:_____________________________
17.
How does a specific outcome differ from a desired state or value? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
18.
What is a pattern interrupt and when is it useful? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
19.
Explain the following “frames” and say when you‟d use them. (a) Goal (outcome)._________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (b) Backtrack.____________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (c) Relevancy.____________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (d) Ecology.______________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (e) As If.__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (e) Contrast.______________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
389
20. What are the 4 keys to effective anchoring? 1._________________________ 2._________________________ 3._________________________ 4._________________________ 21.
What is an anchor? __________________________________________________________
22.
List the main steps in the “Collapse Anchors” process and say when you could use it. __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
23.
What is “chaining anchors” and when would you use this process instead of collapsing anchors? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
24.
Describe how you would discover how your client stores time. __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
390
25.
Describe the Time Line Therapy™ intervention for a stressful emotion. __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
26.
Explain the two ways the Time Line Therapy™ intervention for a limiting decision differs from the above process for a stressful emotion. __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
27.
What do association and dissociation mean in NLP terminology, and when is each useful in daily life? Association _______________________ _______________________ _______________________ _______________________ _______________________ _______________________
28.
Dissociation _________________________ _________________________ _________________________ _________________________ _________________________ _________________________
What is a phobia and what process is used in NLP to eliminate one? List the main steps of that process. __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
391
__________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
29. What is a strategy and how do you elicit one? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
30.
List 6 visual, 6 kinesthetic and 6 auditory submodalities. Visual _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
31.
Auditory _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
Kinesthetic _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
What is the difference between a “context” and a “meaning” reframe? Context Meaning _______________________ _________________________ _______________________ _________________________ _______________________ _________________________ _______________________ _________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
392
32.
What are the 6 steps in a 6 step Reframe? 1._________________________ 2._________________________ 3._________________________ 4._________________________ 5._________________________ 6._________________________
33
Define Metaprograms and list five examples:____________________ __________________________________________________________ 1._________________________ 2._________________________ 3._________________________ 4._________________________ 5._________________________
34.
What are “values”? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
35.
What is the agreement frame (clue; it is a single word) and when would you use it? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
36.
What is a conditional close and when would you use it? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
37.
List 5 N. L . P. techniques or understandings useful in negotiation. 1._________________________ 2._________________________ 3._________________________ 4._________________________ 5._________________________
38.
List 5 N. L . P. techniques or understandings useful in selling. 1._________________________ 2._________________________ 3._________________________ 4._________________________ 5._________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
393
39.
Write a phrase or sentence demonstrating each of the following Milton Model patterns, as you might use them in trancework. (a) mind reading. __________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (b) conversational postulate. _________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (c) complex equivalent._____________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (d) cause & effect.__________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (e) selectional restriction violation.____________________________ __________________________________________________________ (f) lack of referential index._________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (g) deletion.______________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (h) unspecified verb.________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (i) truism._______________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (j) phonological ambiguity.__________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (k) imbedded suggestion.____________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (l) extended quotes.________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ (m) tag question.___________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
The End
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
394
IANLP Checking For NLP Practitioner Training Transformations International Checklist For Unit Standards: NLP Practitioner Name Completed
Assessment of Standard Calibrates state from behavioural cues. Plans, sets and fires anchor. Paces behaviour so leading occurs. Guides person to useful frames in processes (esp outcome, ecology, relevance). Assists person to identify wellformed outcome using SPECIFY model. Identifies Representational and Accessing system. Paces representational system. Translates representational system. Generates 6 different Milton model patterns. Applies and tests change technique: Meaning and Context reframe Applies and tests change technique: Metaphor Identifies and challenges 6 Metamodel patterns. Identifies eye movement cues without notes. Identifies and paces representational system without notes. Lists 7 keys to a wellformed outcome without notes. (Check 1) Elicits strategy effectively. Elicits submodalities. Installs strategy effectively. Applies and tests change technique: Time Line Therapy. Identifies driver submodalities and uses them to produce submodality shift. Applies and tests change technique: Visual Swish. Applies and tests change technique: Phobia/Trauma Cure. Applies and tests change technique: Collapse anchors Applies and tests change technique: Chaining anchors Identifies the two main NLP Presuppositions without notes Correctly lists the steps of a strategy using the TOTE model, without notes Lists 4 submodalities in each of 3 representational systems, without notes Describes the Time Line Therapy™ process for negative emotion without notes (Check 2) Completes case study of NLP pattern use. Applies and tests change technique: Parts Integration. Applies and tests change technique: Six Step Reframe Applies and tests change technique: Trance Induction. Identifies and correctly challenges 12 metamodel patterns without notes. (Check 3) Performs tasks in accordance with NLP Presuppositions, esp: -The map is not the territory. -Human beings are systemic processes. -A person is in charge of their neurology and thus their results. Preserves resourceful state during processes.
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
395
NLP Practitioner Written Check: Part One 1.
Fill in, on the following diagram, the eye patterns of a normally organised, right handed person.
RIGHT
← ← ← 2.
LEFT
→ → →
List 7 conditions to SPECIFY outcomes.
____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ 3.
For each of the following sentences; identify the main representation system used, and write a reply which paces/mirrors the sentence. (a) I‟ve been looking at it from every angle, but I can‟t see any way out.
Representational system:_____________ Reply:___________________ __________________________________________________________ (b) I‟ve been tied to this relationship for too long now. He‟s just a burden to me.
Representational system:_____________ Reply:___________________ __________________________________________________________ (c) Those words echo round and round in my head. We just clashed!
Representational system:_____________ Reply:___________________ __________________________________________________________ (d) I‟m just feeling my way forward a bit at a time. I don‟t want to get burned again.
Representational system:_____________ Reply:___________________ __________________________________________________________ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
396
Marking Criteria: Part One 1.
2.
Fill in, on the following diagram, the eye patterns of a normally organised, right handed person. RIGHT
LEFT
Vc ← Ac ← K ←
→ Vr → Ar → Ad
List 7 conditions to SPECIFY outcomes. Sensory specific Positive Ecological Choice increases Initiated by self First step identified Your resources identified
3.
For each of the following sentences; identify the main representation system used, and write a reply which paces/mirrors the sentence. (Examples)
(a) I‟ve been looking at it from every angle, but I can‟t see any way out. Representational system: Visual Reply eg: You can't see the light at the end of this tunnel (b) I‟ve been tied to this relationship for too long now. He‟s just a burden to me. Representational system: kinesthetic Reply: You feel you've been chained to him for ages (c) Those words echo round and round in my head. We just clashed Representational system: auditory Reply: eg What she said reverberates in your mind. It sounded sharp. (could treat the word "harsh" as kinesthetic) (d) I‟m just feeling my way forward a bit at a time. I don‟t want to get burned again. Representational system: kinesthetic Reply: eg "You're pushing ahead just one step at a time so you don't get hurt NB In the real test, either alternative A or Alternative B (following) may also be given. If you can do all three alternatives, it is likely that you could do any other alternative we gave you!
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
397
Written Check: Part One Question 3 - Alternative A 3.
For each of the following sentences; identify the main representation system used, and write a reply which paces/mirrors the sentence. (a) I need some good solid feedback about how I‟m coming across. Representational system:_____________ Reply:___________________ __________________________________________________________ (b) I need to get a new perspective on all this! Representational system:_____________ Reply:___________________ __________________________________________________________ (c) I‟m trying to put my finger on the problem. Representational system:_____________ Reply:___________________ __________________________________________________________ (d) I really echo her opinion. Representational system:_____________ Reply:___________________ __________________________________________________________
Written Check: Part One Question 3 - Alternative B 3.
For each of the following sentences; identify the main representation system used, and write a reply which paces/mirrors the sentence. (a) I just can't get the picture. It‟s out of focus Representational system:_____________ Reply:___________________ __________________________________________________________ (b) My life is screaming out for something that resonates with me! Representational system:_____________ Reply:___________________ __________________________________________________________ (c) I‟m going to let the whole thing slide. Representational system:_____________ Reply:___________________ __________________________________________________________ (d) I wish I had the guts to go for it more in life. Representational system:_____________ Reply:___________________ __________________________________________________________ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
398
NLP Practitioner Written Check: Part Two 1.
List The Two Main Presuppositions of N. L. P.
__________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 2.
List 4 visual, 4 kinesthetic and 4 auditory submodalities.
Visual ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________
3.
Auditory ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________
Kinesthetic ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________
Describe the Time Line intervention for a negative emotion.
__________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ 4.
5.
What are the four steps of a strategy according to the TOTE model, and what are the questions to elicit each step? Step
Question
___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________
_________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________
What is an anchor and what are the four key things to check when one is set?
__________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
399
Marking Criteria Part Two 1.
List The 2 main Presuppositions of N. L. P.
- The Map is Not The Territory - Life and Mind Are Systems 2.
List 6 visual, 6 kinesthetic and 6 auditory submodalities. Any of the following: Visual Number Location Distance Size Border Colour Brightness Focus Movement Associated 3D
Auditory Number Type Location Volume Tempo Rhythm Pitch Clarity
Kinesthetic Location Movement Intensity Temperature Moisture Texture Spin
3. Describe the Time Line Therapy intervention for a negative emotion. Criteria underlined: -the trainee checks in which directions the client stores past and future. -the trainee elicits the time of the root cause of the problem with the negative emotion by asking either-or questions. -the trainee has the client float up above the event in the time line, and store learnings. -the client lets go of the negative emotion in the position above and before the event (position 3). -the trainee tests the change by checking how the client feels about either the event or the original issue. 4. What are the four steps of a strategy (TOTE) and what are the questions to elicit each step? Trigger: ―How did you know it was time to...?‖ Operation: ―What did you do to ...?‖ Test: ―How did you check if you had...?‖ Exit: ―How did you know that you had... completely?‖ 5. What is an anchor and what are the 4 things to check when anchoring? Criteria: Refers (not necessarily in these terms) to an anchor as a stimulus in one sensory system which evokes a response or a state previously associated with that stimulus. The Four Keys To Anchoring are: State accessed is congruent or strong enough Precise timing of setting of anchor Unique anchor is used Replicable anchor is used (repeatable in the situations you plan it to be used in)
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
400
NLP Practitioner Written Check: Part Three For each of the following sentences: identify one metamodel pattern (not presuppositions, which occur in every sentence) and, write an appropriate metamodel challenge.
(a) She makes me feel so angry! Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (b) Its good to learn new techniques. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (c) I know you don‟t really love me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (d) Nobody ever listens to my opinion. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (e) Decision making is difficult for me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (f) He‟s hurt me very much. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (g) I feel sad. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (h) Now I feel worse. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (i) I can‟t tell him how I really feel. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (j) My husband should bring me more flowers. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (k) He never smiles, so he obviously hates me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (l) If a couple never argue, it means that they don‟t love each other. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (m) Its wrong to tell lies. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (n) Everyone hated my poem. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (o) Joanne really controls me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (p) I can tell she doesn‟t want to see me again. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
401
Marking Criteria Part Three For each of the following sentences: identify one metamodel pattern (not presuppositions, which occur in every sentence) and, write an appropriate metamodel challenge. NB There may be other correct metamodel patterns in these sentences too. The most commonly identified ones are listed. Refer to manual to evaluate the plausibility of others. Presuppositions are ruled out in the instructions. (a) She makes me feel so angry! Pattern: cause-effect Reply: How does she make you? Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: feel how specifically? Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: makes you how specifically? (b) Its good to learn new techniques. Pattern: Nominalisation Reply: How are you "techniquing"? Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: learn how specifically? Pattern: lost performative Reply: according to whom is it good? (c) I know you don‟t really love me. Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: know how specifically? Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: love you how specifically? Pattern: mind read Reply: how do you know? (d) Nobody ever listens to my opinion. Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: listens how specifically? Pattern: universal quantifier Reply: nobody? Ever? Pattern: Nominalisation Reply: How are you opinioning? (e) Decision making is difficult for me. Pattern: comparative deletion Reply: difficult compared to what? Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: deciding how specifically? Pattern: Nominalisation Reply: How are you deciding? (f) He‟s hurt me very much. Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: hurt you how specifically? Pattern: comparative deletion Reply: very much compared to what? (g) I feel sad. Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: feel how specifically? (h) Now I feel worse. Pattern: lost performative Reply: according to whom is it worse? Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: feel how specifically? Pattern: comparative deletion Reply: worse compared to what? (i)
I can‟t tell him how I really feel. From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
402
Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: tell him how specifically? Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: feel how specifically? Pattern: modal operator (of impossibility) Reply: what would happen if you did? (j) My husband should bring me more flowers. Pattern: modal operator Reply: what would happen if he didn't? Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: bring them how specifically? Pattern: lost performative Reply: according to whom? (k) He never smiles, so he obviously hates me. Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: smiles how specifically? Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: hates you how specifically? Pattern: complex equivalent Reply: how does never smiling mean he hates you? (l) If a couple never argue, it means that they don‟t really love each other. Pattern: lack of referential evidence Reply: which couple? Pattern: universal quantifier Reply: never? Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: argue how specifically? Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: love each other how specifically? Pattern: complex equivalent Reply: how does never arguing mean they don't love each other (m) Its wrong to tell lies. Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: tell lies how specifically? Pattern: lost performative Reply: according to whom? (n) Everyone hated my poem. Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: hated how specifically? Pattern: universal quantifier Reply: everyone (o) Joanne really controls me. Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: controls you how specifically? Pattern: cause effect Reply: how does what she does make you do things? (p) I can tell she doesn‟t want to see me again. Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: want how specifically? Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: see you how specifically? Pattern: unspecified verb Reply: tell how specifically? Pattern: mind read Reply: how can you tell? NB In the real test, either alternative A or Alternative B (following) may also be given. If you can do all three alternatives, it is likely that you could do any other alternative we gave you!
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
403
NLP Practitioner Written Check: Part Three Alternative A Your name: _________________________________ For each of the following sentences: identify one metamodel pattern (not presuppositions, which occur in every sentence) and, write an appropriate metamodel challenge.
(a) I can tell he won‟t want to talk about it. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (b) Janine really pressures me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (c) Everyone hates my suggestion. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (d) It‟s wrong to pay income tax. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (e) If you never tell your kids off, it means you don‟t love them. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (f) She never complains, so she obviously doesn‟t care. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (g) My daughter should help more with the cleaning up. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (h) I can‟t explain to him what upset me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (i) In those days I felt better. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (j) I feel angry. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (k) She‟s leaned on me a lot. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (l) Interpersonal communication is hard for me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (m) Nobody ever considers my feelings. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (n) I know you wish I‟d go away. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (o) It‟s good to get lots of exercise. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (p) He makes me feel so confused! Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
404
NLP Practitioner Written Check: Part Three Alternative B Your name: _________________________________ For each of the following sentences: identify one metamodel pattern (not presuppositions, which occur in every sentence) and, write an appropriate metamodel challenge.
(a) Fred makes me feel bad. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (b) It‟s a good thing to buy a house. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (c) I don‟t like Sally‟s approach. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (d) Everybody expects me to succeed. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (e) I know you are curious about Christmas. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (f) Mary insulted me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (g) I feel guilty. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (h) I shouldn‟t be so worried about the time. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (i) He didn‟t thank me, so he doesn‟t love me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (j) I have to try harder. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (k) She‟s leaned on me a lot. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (l) Interpersonal communication is hard for me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (m) Nobody ever considers my feelings. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (n) Everyone hated my poem. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (o) Joanne really controls me. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ (p) I can tell she doesn‟t want to see me again. Pattern:_______________ Reply:____________________________________ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
405
NLP Case Study Student‟s Name:___________________________________
Resourceful State: What was your contract with this person (what did each of you arrange to do)?: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________
Establish Rapport: What did you do to establish rapport?: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ What sensory systems did the person mainly access and represent in? __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________
SPECIFY Outcome: What was the person‟s sensory specific, positive outcome?: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ Were there any ecology issues about this outcome (if so what)?: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________
Open Up Client‟s Model Of The World: How did the person create their problem (what was the strategy for the problem)?: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
406
__________________________________________________________________________ How did you pretest the problem?: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ What did you say or do to frame the problem as solvable?: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________
Leading: What change technique (eg anchoring, metaphor, strategy installation) did you use?: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________
Verify Change: How did you know the change process had worked (how did you post-test)?: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________
Exit Process: What did you say or do to futurepace the change?: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ What was your overall impression of the session (what did you do well; what do you want to improve in your skills; what do you think the client thought of the session)?: __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2010
1
From NLP Practitioner Manual, www.transformations.net.nz © Transformations International Consulting & Training Ltd, 2007
