2014 FHM Philippines Sexypedia.pdf
April 9, 2017 | Author: vimbo | Category: N/A
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P I C K YO U R F ET I S H! U N DE R BO OB! S CH O OLG I R L U N I F OR M S! S E XY S E LF I E S! LEG S!
WO R L D TO N G U E R E CO R DS LEA R N A TONG U E T W I S TE R. M AST E R CUNNILINGUS
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Editor Allan P. Hernandez Managing Editor Mich R. Lagdameo Copy Editor Khyne L. Palumar Art Director John Laurence O. Patulan Contributing writers Mikey Agulto, Christian Brazil Bautista, Pong Castillo, Ronjay Eduvas, Gelo Gonzales, Peter Imbong, Ash Mahinay, Lio Mangubat, Alex Paita, Lamar Roque, Cara Tanlimco, Anton Umali, Tatin Yang Illustrators James Andres, Martin Cosme
' ). 1)* -* 11* /&4 Team Editor Allan A. Madrilejos Managing Editor Allan P. Hernandez Art Director Paul C. Villariba Associate Editor Alex C. Paita Associate Art Director John Laurence O. Patulan Senior Features Editor Khyne L. Palumar Assistant Managing Editor Mich R. Lagdameo Section Editor Anton D. Umali Editorial Assistants Mikey Ashlie L. Mahinay, Pong M. Castillo Senior Publishing Assistant Aeus Kevin Reyes
4 6..*5 . &%* " President Lisa Gokongwei-Cheng Publisher Aurora Mangubat-Suarez Team Publisher Christine Ko Sr. Publishing Assistant Teeffany Go Managing Editor Mavreen Jackie Yapchiongco Production Director Intet J. Victoriano, Jr. Production Coordinator Dina A. Jesuitas Circulation Director Alma Madelo Deputy National Circulation Manager Glenda Gil All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by an electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.
FHM and Summit Books are published by Summit Media, 6th flr. Robinsons Cybergate 3, Pioneer Street, Mandaluyong City, Philippines 1550. www.summitmedia.com.ph www.fhm.com.ph
$ 0/ 5 & / 54
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- .......................................... 68 Legs, Lips LJ Reyes Lovi Poe, Lust
. ......................................... 74 Marian Rivera Massage Parlors Mommas, Hot
/ .......................................... 78 New Pogi, Niña Jose Nipples, Nymphomania
" ............................................. 2 Afterparty, Ass, Attraction, rules of Aids, Art Angel Locsin # ............................................. 8 BDSM, Breast Bedroom, Beauty Queens, Bikini Bela Padilla, Boxers vs. Briefs Bianca King
$ .......................................... 16 Colegialas and Cheerleaders, Cunts Cristina Garcia Condoms Cristine Reyes
& ........................................... 26 Ellen Adarna Endings, Happy Eula Valdes Empress, Erotica Erection, Ejaculate
' ........................................... 34 Fellatio, Foreplay Fetish, Francine Prieto, Fifty Shades of Grey ( .......................................... 38 G-Spot, Girth G Tongi Girlfriend Experience, The Gaby Dela Merced
) .......................................... 44 Hands, Hottie, 100% Hentai, Horniness Meter
* ........................................... 48 Illicit Sex Instagram Intercourse, Science of Iwa Moto
+ .......................................... 54 Jackie Rice, Japan Special Jamilla Obispo Jizz, Joanne Quintas x Jackie Forster cover
% .......................................... 22 Deep Throat, Desperation moves, Deviances, sexual Dildo, Diana Zubiri, Dina Bonnevie
, .......................................... 60 K-pop, Kristine Santamena Kama Sutra Karen Montelibano Katrina Halili Kissing, KTV
0 .......................................... 82 Onanism, One-night Stands Orgasm, Ornusa Cadness 1 .......................................... 86 Paloma, Poledancing Patricia Javier, Pheromones Poking, Prophylactics Pornography Positions, Sexual
2 .......................................... 96 Quark/Quentin, Quickie
5 ........................................ 112 Tantric sex, Tera Patrick Threesome Tongue, Tonsil
3 .......................................... 98 Ramon Revilla Rica Peralejo Ritz Azul, Ron Jeremy
6 ........................................ 116
4 ........................................ 102
7 ........................................ 118
Sam Pinto Schoolgirl Uniform Sexting, Sexy Selfies Sixty-nine, Swingers Sunshine Cruz Solenn Heussaf
Valerie Concepcion Viva Hotbabes, Viagra Vixen, Vixens Premiere
Underboob, Underwear, women’s
8 ....................................... 122 Wingman Principle Working Women
9 ........................................ 124 X, XX, XXX (ratings) X-Ray Vision, Xerex Xaviera : ........................................ 128 Yam Concepcion Yoga
; ........................................ 132 Zeroes, Zipper, Zohan
* OEFY ............................... 134
Afterparty, Ass, Attraction rules of
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Also known as “arse”, “buttocks”, “bum”, or “booty.” The ass, found at the posterior of the pelvic region, allows bipeds like us to absorb the shift of body weight from our feet to our glutes. Estrogen makes females store more fat on the ass than the males— that’s why they’re rounder and more prone to ogling. In most cultures, the ass is a common target for corporal punishment. Or for sadomasochistic activities to stimulate sexual arousal.
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The more relaxed gathering that follows the main celebration. Where actual parties can sometimes be too formal, too crowded, too organized, or too loud, afterparties are informal events that offer the alternative. Here, guests can freely interact with the host or other guests, which they probably couldn’t do at the main party because of seating arrangements or a tight program schedule. Afterparties are mostly held in a club or bar, or in someone’s house or apartment.
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"553"$5*0/ 36-&40' It baffles our brains why our less attractive brothers (at least we think so), are swarmed by ladies, while we aren’t. Evolutionary psychology theories pin it down to more obvious reasons: humans, as animals, select sexual partners based on their capability of passing good genes to potential offsprings.
').n4 6/0''*$*"-36-&40'"553"$5*0/ SYMMETRY IS POGI Evolutionary biologist Randy Thornhill studied the science of symmetry for 15 years and found that men who appear (and calculated by computers) to have symmetrical features enjoyed more sexual partners.
BEWANG MATTERS Women with a waist-to-hip ratio (WHR) of 0.67 to 1.18 are attractive to men—0.7 being the most desirable. While 0.8 to 1.0 WHR in males turn women on, psychologists say. EVERYONE HAS ‘TASTES’ Do your exes look the same? Or do you see your beloved mother in her? That’s because we’re wired to find partners with genes that have been tried and tested to work with our genetic makeup, and therefore will breed successful, healthy offspring. ODOR MATTERS Smelling your partner is like sniffing your food before you bite. Because of pheromones, ovulating women find men–smells more appealing. The same way men find women’s odor more tempting when they’re at their most fertile.
MONKEYS SAY:
ASSES ARE THE BEST!
Sexologist Alfred Kinsey argues that male fascination to breasts are derived from its likeness to buttocks. Female baboons’ asses, for example, blush when they’re ready for mating. While the same can’t be said about human asses, you could get a little blush going with a little spanking.
YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF People say you and your lover look like twins. That’s because your primal selves seek partners similar to you in intelligence, status, and personalities, in short, someone who’s in your league. J. Philippe Rushton, a psychologist at the University of Western Ontario, found that having similarities accomodates 34 percent of your decisionmaking process when choosing a mate.
AIDS, Art
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ILLUSTRATIONS: JAMES ANDRES
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Acquired Immunodeficiency Virus. This is phase two of the Human immunodeficiency Virus or HIV. AIDS weakens and debilitates a person’s immune system, making diseases, viruses, and even simple colds, difficult to deathly experiences. The virus exists in bodily fluid and can be transmitted in ways aside from bumping nasties—it can be inherited from your parents, hitched on shared needles, and lurk in shady blood transplants. But chances are you aren’t a healthcare worker or a drug addict, so you’re probably getting it through sexual contact. Bodily fluids can enter through tiny tears in your private parts or your mouth.
"35
Breathing the same air
Touching doorknobs and buttons
CERAMIC DEPICTING FELLATIO
Mosquito bites
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FUKUJUSÔ, Katsushika Hokusai
Refers to any work of art—drawings, paintings, engravings, sculptures, music, photographs, writing, an FHM shoot, a masterfully written Ladies’ Confession narrative if you will—that depicts or alludes to the act of doing the nasty, which causes an involuntary shooting up of one’s body temperature. Examples range from Paleolithic cave paintings and carvings, to works by the likes of Andre Collot, Bernard Montorgeuil, Peter Fendi, Édouard-Henri Avril, and Pablo Picasso, to Japanese Shunga. Oh yes! Art!
PHOTO: COURTESY OF WIKICOMMONS
OINOCHOE
EROTIC ART, Édouard-Henri Avril
Angel Locsin
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"/(&--0$4*/ Graced our cover four times. The first time in a modestly-sized two piece in October of 2003, The second time, in a cocktail dress with four other girls sharing her limelight. The third time in playful motoring-babe garb, with race car flags to boot. And the fourth time, in floral and striped swimwear, her delicious curves glistening in the sun. Why do we insist on repeat cover appearances from an FHM fan favorite? Apart from the obvious tells of her name: Angelic face, angelic grace, angelic body, and angelic personality—well, we enjoy seeing this charismatic, hardworking cookie do what she does best: fly. PHOTOGRAPHY: XANDER ANGELES OF EGE OF LIGHT
BDSM, Breast
An acronym for the erotic practices of Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadomasochism. Let’s break that down: Bondage is the use of restraints like ropes, chains, harnesses or cuffs. Discipline is the use of punishment. Dominance and Submission happens when one partner takes control of the other “submissive” partners and instructs him or her on what to do. Sadomasochism is sexual #%4.JT gratification derived from TF CV B VU OPUBCP *UnT experiencing physical pain PSWJPMFODF E WPMVOUBSZBOOTVBM and suffering, or inflicting TF JOWPMWFTDPOBO that pain on someone else. QBSUJDJQ UT
PHOTOGRAPHY: HEIDI AQUENDE
BDSM MYTHS t "MMEPNJOBOUTBSFBCVTJWF No. They actually care about the submissive partner. t 5IFEPNJOBOUJTJODPOUSPM Not always. The Dominant’s role is really to satisfy the submissive partner. t 4VCNJTTJWFTBSFXFBLBOEIBWF low self–esteem. It’s quite the opposite, actually. They like giving up control because they know they’re strong enough to do so. t #%4.JTQSJNBSJMZBCPVUQBJO Nope. It’s about power exchange between the dominant and the submissive.
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Breasts are differently-sized protrusions of fat and tissue that factor into mate-choosing in males; females with bigger racks score more points. The word breast finds its root in the base “bhreus-”, which means “to swell, to sprout.” A scientific study from a New Zealand university shows that 47 percent of men zero in on a woman’s chest first. Of the images presented to the men in the study, 80 percent fixated on the breasts.
OTHER NAMES FOR BREASTS
BREAST AREOLA
NIPPLE
The nipple response to external stimuli is more similar to that of a stimulated hair follicle, i.e. tumaas ang balahibo, tumaas ang utong. Female nipples are so enervated that some women are able to orgasm just from nipple play alone.
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Boobs, Tits, Titties, Bazungas, Fun Bags, Cans, Rack (pertains to both), Puppies, Melons, Girls, Dyoga, Dede, Suso, Bobas, Bobelyas, Honkers, Knockers, Jugs, Tatas, Chesticles, Twins
The measurement of breasts using cup sizes originated in 1932. It was created by American “physiological supports” company S.H. Camp Company from Jackson, Michigan. The cup sizes A, B, C, D actually pertained to how the breasts dangled out versus actual size. Today’s cup sizes now range from AA all the way to L, which is not standardized and based on each manufacturer’s preference.
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PHOTOGRAPHY: EJAY LEUNG OF MIDNIGHT BONKERS; DOC MARLON PECJO, GETTY IMAGES
Bedroom, Beauty Queen, Bikini
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At its barest, a private room where people usually sleep for the night or relax during the day. But tell that to the celebrities featured on MTV Cribs, who swear that it is “where all the magic happens.” Ironically, the bedroom is not the most popular choice of setting in our Ladies’ Confessions stories, where sex happens in the most unexpected places.
Number of FHM Hot Turistas who’d let a guy in their bedroom after the third date:
1
BIKINI-OGLING AT THE BEACH, THREE WAYS* 1. Convenient: Stretch and crack your neck in her direction while managing to keep her cleavage within your peripherals. 2. Bordering on obvious: Stare at women swimming in the beach, when she confronts you, say you were looking at the ocean. 3. Slimy: Follow her wherever she goes, keeping a 2-meter distance. *Practice ogling-then-looking-away at five-second intervals, max.
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#&"65:26&&/ Admittedly, we love beauty pageants because of swimsuit segments and the unintentional humor that comes from question-and-answer portions. It’s a bit confusing with all the pageants running around, so here are the Big Four you need to watch (don’t video yourself screaming as you watch excitedly—someone might upload it on Youtube, ending your manhood for good) MISS UNIVERSE
MISS INTERNATIONAL
How she gets there: Win
How she gets there:
Miss Universe Philippines in the Binibining Pilipinas pageant.
Win Binibining Pilipinas– International in the Binibining Pilipinas pageant.
Peg: Margarita Moran, 1973; Gloria Diaz, 1969
Peg: Precious Lara Quigaman, 2005; Melanie Marquez, 1979; Aurora Pijuan, 1970; Gemma Teresa Cruz, 1964
MISS WORLD How she gets there: Win Miss World Philippines. Until 2010, you had to win Binibining Pilipinas– World instead.
Peg: Megan Young, 2013 anyone?
MISS EARTH How she gets there: Win Miss Earth Philippines. This is a proudly madein-the-Philippines competition, but don’t bank on hometown advantage as we’ve only won once since its inception in 2001.
Peg: Karla Henry, 2008
#*,*/*
SELF: NOTE TO IS BIKINI MARCH N APPRECIATIO MONTH
PHOTOGRAPHY: XANDER ANGELES
You’d be hard-pressed to find a guy in all of history that isn’t fan of the bikini. Why, this magnificent piece of clothing dates as far back as 5600 B.C. during the Chalcolithic era when the goddess of an Angolian community, Callhoyuk, was represented rocking such provocative wear. This fact suggests that civilizations of yore always knew that the bikini was meant to be put on a pedestal of adoration and worship. Fast-forward to present-day FHM: who could forget our 150th issue featuring godsent Marian Rivera with that cherry red bra-top on? Underwear hypnotism as its finest. Or remember sultry Solenn Heussaff’s 11th anniversary stunner with that little brown thing on? We bet it brought you some of your most genuine tears of joy.
Bela Padilla, Boxers vs. Briefs
#&-" 1"%*--" It’s rare that we allow ourselves to be called “racists” for a covergirl. And with actress and March 2012 covergirl Bela Padilla, that’s exactly what happened. But those of you who have followed us since the inception of FHM know that we’re not perfect. We make mistakes, we learn from them. Yet somehow, putting Bela on the cover is something that doesn’t induce regret. She handled the tribulation and controversy with poise, her sensual debut a fine example of grace under pressure. Now that’s true sexiness. And now that all of it is in the past, we can say we’re sorry for the mishap, but sorry we are not for featuring Bela.
PHOTOGRAPHY: XANDER ANGELES
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#09&3474#3*&'4 Theories as to what kind of man you are can be gleaned from various things, and choice of underwear is no exception. Here, the pluses and minuses of having to wear either drawers. We’re not counting wearing boxers and briefs at the same time, though. Even the ladies would agree, that’s not the slightest bit sexy.
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#0 9 & 34 Airy Does little to secure balls (compared with tight boxers, which we’ll count here as briefs) Trendy, modern Sometimes feels lumpy inside pants Comfortable when sleeping
#3*& '4 Traditionally masikip Provides better protection than boxers Old-fashioned Neat and tucked in Comfortable when running
ILLUSTRATIONS: MARTIN COSME
Bianca King
#*"/$",*/( Bianca King has achieved the impossible. The 28-year-old has managed to slip in and out of dramatic lead-, comedic-, and villain roles—playing the conniving mestiza in teleseryes’ Marimar and Dyesebel. Then a woman taking blame for a murder for her lover in Sinner or Saint, in between exercising her comic knack in Sosy Problems and recurring appearances in Bubble Gang. The half-Canadian actress has also expressed a desire to create a career behind the scenes. We hope it pans out for her. But selfishly, we hope to see as much of her sexy self onscreen even more.
DIREK!
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PHOTOGRAPHY: ADAM WATSON
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Colegialas and Cheerleaders, Cunts, Cristina Garcia
The 1-2 punch of every man's wet dream. Colegialas and cheerleaders are like Ferraris and Bentleys: they never go out of style and you always want a ride. Generations of men have temporarily lost IQ points at the mere sight of these creatures in microscopic skirts. Of course, what men lose in brain function, they gain growth in the trouser region.
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$0-&(*"-"4 If we've learned anything from the '70s, it's that colegialas go crazy for a guy called a "kilabot." We're not clear on the procedures for obtaining kilabot status, but it may involve growing a mustache worthy of Burt Reynolds.
$)&&3-&"%&34 Long-legged, short-skirted, pert-bosomed women in ponytails doing splits in midair
$6/54 Colloquial. A looser, more offensive term for a woman’s vagina, vulva or pussy. For a broader definition, see: Vagina. Five things that can happen if you call a woman a cunt
-&7&- Her drink in your face
-&7&- Get a slap to the face A girl between 17 to 21 years old who is studying in a co-ed university, although the term has come to exclusively pertain to female students in all-female Catholic schools. We're not sure how the word mutated, but we're certain the guy who came up with it went to an all-boys school located next to an allgirls school.
Source and chief stimulus of pep and school spirit in campus and interschool sporting events. Cheerleaders in the Philippines show less skin. In fact, there's more body suit action than wardrobe malfunction.
-&7&- A kick in the balls
-&7&- A chokehold courtesy of some well-manicured fingers
-&7&- Never be granted the gift of vaginal intercourse
$3*45*/"("3$*" What do we know about Cristina Garcia? We met her when she was a model, but she admits she hated interviews and disliked self-promotion even more. She can look classically Pinay at one turn, (as in her September 2000 cover debut), then bleach her hair blonde and look like a foreign Parisian beauty the next (as in our 2007 Girls of Lingerie Special and FHM b Lingerie cover). Eheads guitarist Marcus Adoro once confessed that Cristina is his favorite FHM lady. Even when the woman is shuttling between continents and rarely visits the country, you can’t easily forget a beauty like Cristina.
PHOTOGRAPHY: S IAN GUEVARA, VER MARQUEZ, T MARK NICDAO; ILLUSTRATIONS: JAMES ANDRES
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On o m dels being insecure : exhibitionists ou can “Well, I guess y t of say that of a lo people, you know.”
Condom
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A barrier device typically used during intercourse to prevent a man’s sperm from ever reaching a woman’s egg, therefore reducing the dreaded possibility of conception by as much as 98 percent. As some of you may know, conception leads to things like fetuses, babies, and the end of a life free of care and willy-nilly pleasures. This is partly the reason why the Church has always considered the innocent condom as a gift from the devil himself. An ancient gift at that—because the condom has been in use for 400 years, the earliest of which were made from animal intestine.
Dotted To rub her vaginal walls with, giving her extra pleasure.
ILLUSTRATIONS: SMARTIN COSME TJAMES ANDRES
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Party balloon Like the penis which it covers, condoms can expand from flaccid to awesome with one committed blow.
Tourniquet Condoms are made of a stretchy material that allows it to be used as an emergency medical implement in case the sex gets too wild and you lose a limb in the process.
Mini-whip With its elastic nature, you can pull on one end, and let it crack.
Thief mask Good for attempting to look like a bank robber, whether for real or during a kinky roleplaying session.
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HOW TO REALLY USE A CONDOM 1 Carefully tear the condom’s packaging. But don’t take it out yet. Place it in your pocket or on top of the side table, practically anywhere away from your still-mellow dong. 2 Proceed to perform foreplay on your woman. If you are a healthy, young male, you should soon feel something funny stirring in your loins. 3 Hopefully, that something funny will evolve into something hard. Once you successfully complete that transition, take out the condom. 4 Let the condom roll out and let it wrap your now-erect penis. 5 Let natural instinct take over.
Super thin For your extra pleasure.
Glow-in-the-dark condoms Apart from providing pleasure for ecstacy addicts, solves the problem of a pitchblack bedroom. “Where is it? Oh, there it is!”
Cristine Reyes
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Two-time FHM cover girl, and 2009’s Sexiest. But if you’ve been paying attention, Cristine Reyes has never really left the 100 Sexiest list, has she? We hate bringing up how she was on the roof of her house waiting for a helicopter rescue at the time Typhoon Ondoy swept the country, just like everybody else. But unlike everybody else, Cristine was a glistening specimen of beauty in her barest, we hate to say it, helpless form—and not even Ondoy could take that away from her. Screw super typhoons. Hail Cristine Reyes!
PHOTOGRAPHY: MARK NICDAO
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Deep Throat, Desperation Moves, Deviance, Sexual
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%&&15)30"5 1 Codename of the secret informant who revealed information about the Watergate scandal (we can sense your disappointment). 2 The act of a woman (or man, but do you really want to talk about that here?) taking a penis through her mouth “deep” enough so it appears it’s almost sliding down her “throat”. 3 Famous '70s porn flick about a woman with a clitoris in her throat. The premise of the movie may be laughable, but Deep Throat is widely considered as one of the most popular porn movies of all time. By the way, the movie is supposed to be a comedy. We're not sure how many people noticed.
%&41&3"5*0/ .07&4 Basketball jargon. “Desperation moves” occur when a player rallies his squad back from a deficit with little time left on the clock. The baller’s devil-may-care attitude combined with his maxed-out efforts can result in either of two scenarios: 1. He leads a photofinish win, or 2. The team suffers a tough loss.
3 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT DEEP THROAT (THE MOVIE) How much? Deep Throat cost $30,000 to make. The film's star, Linda Lovelace, was paid just $1,200. Her costar, Harry Reems, received just $100. How long? The movie was completed in less than a week. The location of the hotel where interior scenes were shot is now a dormitory for a university. Who watched? It is estimated that 10 million people in the US saw the movie.
%&41&3"5&##"--5"$5*$40/80.&/ 5)"5%0/n5-00,5)"5%&41&3"5& Game situation 1: You spot a stunner in a club. You give it time and try to wait for an opening. Before you know it, she’s leaving. FTW strategy: Calm and composed, approach her. Lock down eye contact. Ditch the cheesy pickup lines. Smile and spark a convo, but don’t ask where and why she’s going. If she looks uninterested, move on. But if she starts to talk, let her do most of the talking. Let her leave, but not before securing her number.
Game situation 2: You’re running late for a crucial dinner with her family’s whole clan. You finally arrive but she looks pissed. FTW strategy: Flash your best earnest/apologetic smile in Z-formation to cover a wordless apology to everyone in the table/gathering. Lock in on your woman, and move towards her. Come clean on why you’re late and promise it won’t happen again.
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Sometimes called “sexual preference disorders,” these are sexual desires and behaviors that go beyond what’s considered normal, such as getting sexual gratification from particular sexual objects instead of people. Deviants may or may not recognize the negative effect of their actions, but they don’t have the ability to control them. You get an erection at the sight of dirty socks? Ding!
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FETISHISM: The achievement of sexual satisfaction through inanimate objects to stimulate arousal. Examples include clothing such as lingerie or footwear, textures such as rubber or leather, or even conditions such as obesity.
EXHIBITIONISM: Gratification by exposing private parts to strangers in public places. Sometimes self-gratification in public is also done. Exhibitionists are turned on by the excitement, attention, and people’s reactions.
VOYEURISM: Gratification by watching other people undress or engage in sexual intercourse. There is no physical contact, simply an observing stance. And most voyeurs are men.
PEDOPHILIA: Preferring children: boys, girls, or both over adults. Unlike voyeurism where there is no physical contact, pedophilia includes sexually molesting children, often by heterosexual men. A criminal act we DO NOT CONDONE.
FROTTEURISM: Arousal by rubbing genitals against unsuspecting strangers, often in public places. Deeds are performed in the middle of a busy or crowded place like a packed train.
ZOOPHILIA: Feelings or actual sexual experiences with/towards dogs, sheep, or goats, while some may engage in actual sexual intercourse.
ILLUSTRATIONS: MARTIN COSME
Diana Zubiri
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We called it first: We had no doubt Diana would make it big in the industry after posing along Edsa in her pink bikini. From her budding career as a sexy actress ‘to her unimpeachable sex symbol status in the early 2000s, Diana Zubiri exude a kind of innocence that makes our imagination go wild. Our three-time cover girl has since shifted from sex symbol to comedienne and TV drama actress. We miss you, dear Diana, but we’re proud of your dodging the limelight in exchange for continuing your education. For the meantime, we still wonder: how would you like causing traffic again?
PHOTOGRAPHY: DOC MARLON PECJO
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Dildo, Dina Bonevie
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By definition, a dildo is just a cylindrical rod used for vaginal and anal penetration; it aids those seeking pleasure, endurance, and longevity. And surprising as it may seem to the “less adventurous” people who shy away from using one, dildos have been around long before our lolos scored one on our lolas—the oldest dildo from Germany dates as far back as 30, 000 years. This ever-reliable toy also comes in different materials such as silicone, rubber, glass, wood, and stone (now that’s a hard-on!). Over the years, the cylindrical rod has evolved into a more phallic-looking tool enjoyed by couples…and funloving individuals. Yes, a dildo gives your titi its well-deserved rest after that appeasing round. Moving on…
The re a l deal: dildos are for p ene t r a tion wh vibrato ile rs are fo r s ens a you’re r tion. If e s o urce ful eno fin d a r ugh to o d go o d fo r both, you’re lo then oking to ace rou with yo n ds ur par t ner.
Don’t be confu sed b e t we e n a dild o a nd a vibrato r. The fo r mer re on p u re lies ma nu a l labor the lat t w h er is ba ile t ter y-o S o put perated t ho s e g . u ns to w and hav or k e fun w ith a dildo.
ACCORDING TO WWW. ADAMEVE.COM, “MANY REALISTIC DILDOS ARE BASED ON MOLDS TAKEN FROM MALE PORN STARS.”
%*/" #0//&7*& In terms of Pinoy-context MILFs, Ms. Bonnevie is the original. This FHM momshell graced our December 2001 cover like a seasoned pro, putting to shame the many younger but less experienced women who had nothing on her. That she was once married to Bossing should clue you in on her hotness levels. But never peg her as mere arm candy because she’s a woman with as many roles as she has fans that adore her: actress, wife, mother to Danica and Oyo Boy, FHM icon.
PHOTOGRAPHY: HEIDI AQUENDE, RONNIE SALVACION
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Ellen Adarna
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Before the Internet made cats and Charice Pempengco famous, there was Ellen Adarna, who shot into unwitting cult fame when someone built an entire identity on the web using her photos. Of course, this got her pissed at first. And it probably isn’t the best way to get famous on the Internet, but after the air was cleared and she came out of the ordeal unscathed, we’re kind of glad it happened, or else the rest of the world wouldn’t have found out about this Visayan beauty. Our favorite Cebuana has since graced our cover twice, was recruited as a Kapuso, dipped into a few indie acting gigs, and became a celebrity in her own right. Last we’ve heard though, she’s returning home to handle the family business and resume her role as a motel heiress. Sucks for us. But here’s hoping she misses us enough to come back in the future.
SERENE!
The Serenity Prayer is inked on Ellen’s left side torso, just beside her boob, which goes: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
PHOTOGRAPHY: XANDER ANGELES OF EDGE OF LIGHT
Endings, happy, Eula Valdes
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A massage that ends with the masseuse giving the client as one or all forms of the following sexual service: hand jobs, oral sex, or, vaginal intercourse. Of course, all this depends on how much you’re willing to shell out above the regular massage rate. And you only get your happy ending at select spas/ massage parlors.
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“Spakol” is an amalgamation of the word “spa” and “jakol,” the vernacular slang for “jacking off.”
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To set a minor detail straight: Eula’s last name actually ends with an “S”. It may have spelled out Valdez with a “Z” back in 2006, when she first debuted on our covers, but that’s only because she went along with the common typo that showbiz thought better-sounding back then. Now she’s using the last name she was born with. One of our favorite mature women (See: hot mommas) she upped the bar as bida-kontrabida Amor Powers back in 2000’s hit teleserye Pangako Sa’yo, Fast forward over a decade later and this photo of her on our July 2011 cover has her looking hotter than ever. If you can’t take our word for it, this picture should do the talking.
EULA’S
GREATEST BIDA / KONTRABIDA HITS: "NPS1PXFST (Pangako Sa ‘Yo, 2000)
4 V T BO O B ' V F O U B C F M M B - P C S F H B U (LaLola , 2008 – 2009)
$ BS MP U U B1JFS S P (A Beautiful Affair, 2012 – 2013)
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PHOTOGRAPHY: XANDER ANGELES OF EDGE OF LIGHT
Empress, Erotica
&.13&44 We took a gamble on child star Empress, choosing to put just her face (with a little bit of cleavage, of course) on our March 2013 anniversary issue. We can tell ourselves that the gamble paid off, as Empress went on to star in movies like Tuhog and On the Job. And when she returned a few months later for FHM’s 100 Sexiest Victory Party looking sultrier and sunnier, we knew that our decision was right, because this girl is all grown up.
' ). 4 & 9 : 1 & %*" EROTIC CLASSIFIABLES:
&305*$" Derives from the Greek word “eros” (desire), and pertains to any work of art that deals with sexually stimulating material. The medium ranges from painting, photography, music, literature, film, sculptures to stage plays. The difference between erotica and pornography is gratuitous sex, it just is. Erotica is sex and art.
Fifty Shades of Grey – sometimes called soft porn by haters, and “mommy porn” by critics
PHOTOGRAPHY: SRONNIE SALVACIONTRIA REGINO
Don’t Look Now - was another controversial sexy film released in 1973 for containing an explicit sex scene between Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie. Rumor had it that the sex scene was not a simulation.
Lady Chatterleys’ Lover – D.H. Lawrence’s novel may seem tame now in the light of other sexually explicit novels, but in 1959 the publishers (Penguin) were charged with the Obscene Publications Act over the novel.
Erotica – Madonna’s fifth album released in 1992. A book called Sex was released alongside it, containing sexually explicit photographs,
Erection, Ejaculation
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Also known as a boner: to feel good, you’ve got to get wood. While it’s pop knowledge that alcohol clamps down on erections, researchers from the University of Washington’s Department of Psychology concludes that your mood and intentions—whether you’re down to fuck or down on your luck—play as much of a part as the alcohol itself.
6/*/5&/5*0/"-800% FREAKY When you suffocate. Convicts who were executed by hanging would often have stiff penises for a few moments after death. This is the pressure the rope exerts on the poor guy’s cerebellum and spinal cord. It’s a normal kink employed in auto–erotic asphyxiation practices. NON-FREAKY During the rapid-eye movement (REM) stage of sleep, your penis automatically gets hard. Yes, even if you’re not having a wet dream. So if you happen to fall into the REM stages of sleeping on a bus—auto schwing!
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The finish line at the end of the thrusta-thon, it’s what you work for as you furiously pump in and out of a vagina, fist, mouth, or any tight orifice available. The male orgasm is heralded by ejaculation. Incidentally, ejaculation is also essential for procreation. As a man ejaculates, he releases semen, which contain millions of sperm that will race each other to fertilize an egg to create a human being.
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The average speed at which semen is ejaculated is 28 mph or 45.06 km/h. The fastest sprinter on record, Usain Bolt, was able to cover 100m in 44 km/h.
One of the signs of pagbibinata is the wet dream or nocturnal emission, also known as spontaneous ejaculation. The average man will have ejaculated 14 gallons or approximately 53 liters—around 12 cases of beer—worth of semen in his entire lifetime. Kampai!
HANDS-FREE EJACULATION In The Rough Guide To Sex by James McConnachie, he mentions the possibility of ejaculating sans any external stimulation via tensing and flexing the buttocks and abdominals coupled with extreme fantasizing. The average Joe will have had 5,000 ejaculations in his lifetime.
Fellatio, Foreplay
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More popularly known as BJs or blowjobs, Fellatio is derived from the Latin word “Fellare” meaning to suck. The mouth is made to slide up and down the penis like a surrogate vagina, except with teeth. Fellatio has been practiced by many cultures across several centuries. Its depiction in art and other prints have been present as early as 510 B.C.
PHOTOGRAPHY: SHEIDI AQUENDE, TXANDER ANGELES
05)&3'&--"5*/('"$54 t5IPTFXIPDBOHJWF themselves blow jobs (either via extreme flexibility or penis length), aka dogs or lucky bastards are performing something called autofellatio. t%FFQUISPBUJOHJTXIFOUIF fellator takes the entire penis deep into the mouth, sort of like Xtreme fellatio.
t*O GFMMBUJPCFDBNF illegal in Malaysia. Punishment for those found guilty include ZFBSTJOKBJMBOEXIJQQJOH t*OTPNFDVMUVSFTJOSVSBMBSFBT of Cambodia or Thailand, it is a customary display of nonsexual affection to briefly take a male infant’s penis into one’s mouth.
t'FNBMFGSVJUCBUTBSFUIFPOMZ known animals not belonging to the primate species who perform fellatio on male bats during the mating ritual. Is Batman one lucky SOB or what?
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A pre-penetration activity to increase sexual arousal and promote intimacy between couples, Foreplay usually consists of different combinations of kissing, heavy petting, stroking, fellatio, cunnilingus and other sexually stimulating acts to help prime each other for the “main event.” Foreplay is not just limited to touching. It also includes dirty, suggestive dialogue and flirty exchanges over text or computer chat. What do you mean you haven’t been doing it?! Your girl must be fuming mad by now!
TALK DIRTY TO ME: BOY BASTOS MEETS BOY PICKUP
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CZECH WOMEN HATE FOREPLAY
Pintuan ka ba? Kanina pa kita gustong pasukin e. Ikaw ba si Robin Padilla? Bad boy ka kasi, tigas ng ulo mo. Target ka ba? Sarap mong tirahin. Kutsara ka ba? Gusto kasi kitang isubo. Fishball ka ba? Sarap mo kasing tuhugin.
A survey done in Prague indicates females aren’t after foreplay, but on actual intercourse and its duration. Prague women also preferred their men to last at least 15 minutes during intercourse, so don’t move to Prague if you’re a premature shooter.
Fetish, Francine Prieto, Fifty Shades of Grey
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Technically, you don’t have a fetish for cars, not even a fetish for sports— unless you admit getting sexually aroused by the sight of vrooms and sports balls. Overused and often misused, the word fetish is actually a type of paraphilia, a compulsive sexual response that the sex academics at Kinsey Institute tags as “unusual or socially acceptable stimulus.” Which means you’re not actually a pervert. Not even when you’re getting turned on by the thrill of doing it in public or by the scent of a woman’s tresses. Experts prefer to call your behavior kinky and a personal “need.”
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Francine Prieto is easily one of the most important figures in the FHM stratosphere, which is why we named her an FHM Icon in our 150th issue. The archetype of the hot girl with legs that stretch to forever, Francine is a tall drink of water who looks like she should be on a runway rather than on a TV shoot. And she’s shown variety, too: from starlet in Seiko movies Liberated, Liberated 2 and Silip, to comedic roles in Bubble Gang, to playing Xian Lim's mom in the soap Ina, Anak, Kapatid. How she was cast in a mom role is beyond us. Nonetheless, our unwavering love for Francine continues.
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Smelling armpits, feet and other groins
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Doing live shows in front of strangers (Here’s looking at all those Ladies’ Confessions)
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'*'5:4)"%&4 0'(3&: Critics bombarded EL James’ bestselling novel, which surprisingly bagged the Popular Book of the Year at the National Book Awards in 2012 after being labeled “mommy porn” and “erotic”. While the book—together with its two sequels—sold more than 65 million copies worldwide, and readers are frantic over its soon-to-be-released movie adaptation, let’s take note on how Christian Grey (knowing, expert sadist) and Anastasia Steel (girl who enjoys S&M) alluded to fangirls everywhere how to like more-than-just missionary sex.
PHOTOGRAPHY: NIKO VILLEGAS OF EGE OF LIGHT
10*/5&34'30..3(3&: 1. Any place is a good place While bedrooms are our favorite spot, never underestimate the intimacy that can build up while you’re in, say, the elevator. Mr. Grey and Ms. Steel sure are adventurous bunnies. 2. Talk dirty We get that your girl is already in the mood, but like the book tips off, get her wild by throwing in commanding lines like, “Show me how you pleasure yourself…” 3. Show her your fetish Play dress-up with a whip and handcuffs. 4. Don’t do it by the book Show her you’ve got your own tricks, too.
G-spot, Girth
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Shorthand for The Gräfenberg Spot, is an erogenous zone found in women’s vagina which can call forth strong sexual arousal, intense orgasms and female ejaculation upon stimulation. The G-Spot is located along the inner wall of the vagina, around two to three inches upward. Unlike the clitoris, which requires only a few coaxing flicks for it to reveal itself, finding the G-Spot is akin to spelunking in the dark. WHO WAS G? The G-spot was named after Ernst Gräfenberg, a physician and scientist who was also credited for developing the IUD (intrauterine device/ T-shaped birth control device). The G-Spot was only heavily discussed forty years after Gräfenberg’s death and is still a favorite topic today.
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DUAL POWER POSITIONS IS YOUR SEARCH FOR THE G-SPOT REACHING INDIANA JONES LEVELS? TRY TWO OF THE CLOSEST WAYS TO GET THERE Doggie style Any rear-entry sexual position is a closer encounter on the G-Spot. Sexperts advise lifting your gal’s hips a little while thrusting in a downward motion. You’ll both be howling in no time (she from her orgasm, you from the satisfaction of finding the damn thing).
Woman on Top As your lady grinds against your shaft, she can angle her love hole in different directions to ring the bell.
PHOTOGRAPHY: DOC MARLON PECJO; ILLUSTRATIONS: JOHN LAURENCE PATULAN
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(*35) Thickness measurement. Or in this case, the measure of thickness of a penis: you can be deodorant bottle-thick, canned corned beef-thick, water bottle-thick, or Sharpie-thick. Genetics plays a huge role in determining a man’s girth and there really isn’t a nonsurgical way to increase it other than an erection.
What’s the global average penis GIRTH? Depending on which part of the world you’re from, size differs. Admittedly, the data available is on length and not girth. But that’s good enough to determine one’s level of play. The National Library of Medicine (MedlinePlus) pegs the average lenggth at 6 - 7 inches, the rough equivalent in girth being 4 to 5 inches.
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1. Barnacle Compared with their whole body, this arthropod is very well-endowed. They can grow their penis to more than 10 times the size of its body. For a grown man to have the same proportion, his penis would have to be a few meters long.
2. The Blue Whale As the biggest creature in the ocean, it’s no surprise that the blue whale has a big package as well. The average blue whale penis can range between eight to ten feet.
3. African Elephant We have no objection to the largest land–dwelling mammal having the largest penis. Your average African elephant roaming the dusty fields can have a penis length of a little over six feet, we’ll leave the girth equivalent to your imagination.
G Tongi, Girlfriend Experience
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1. Also known as a package deal hooker. You don’t just pay a call girl for sex, you also pay her for company, cuddles, holding hands while walking—in short, the whole girlfriend thing, except that she isn’t. 2. The Girlfriend Experience was also a sort of artsy porn film starring the quintessential post-millennium porn star, Sasha Grey. Scratch that: It’s actually not that porn-y. Director Steven Soderbergh mostly has Sasha’s call girl character walking around New York, plumbing the anxiety of the financial crash while working on her clients’ plumbing.
PHOTOGRAPHY: XANDER ANGELES OF EDGE OF LIGHT
Giselle Tongi made a complete French exit during the height of her local showbiz career a decade back, in exchange for every actresses’ dream: to make it to the bright lights of NYC and live her version of the American dream. G of course, has returned— and might we add, a completely different person, yet still seizing our interests like she did back in the ‘90’s, era of beepers and Skechers. Her return on our rag after 11 years from her first cover, was a no-brainer, and so should us namedropping her in this book.
Gaby dela Merced
Aside from lso racing, she’s a all, into flag footb oxing soccer, and b
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Let’s forget for a moment that Gabrielle Chanel dela Merced was the only female race car driver to compete (let alone place first runner up) in the full season of the Philippine National Formula championship. Or that she was among the very few Filipinas to burn serious rubber in the Asian Formula 3 circuit. And that despite her achievements as a decorated sportswoman of sorts, she isn’t a snob, even entertaining an invitation into reality television in the form of Pinoy Big Brother back in 2007. We saw so much of Gaby’s womanly charms and endearing self inside Bahay ni Kuya. We’re lucky to have captured that womanly sex appeal for posterity in her 2007 FHM cover, and remember it right here.
Gaby used to ock work at the st s exchange a a na ge r portfolio ma
The fastest she’s gone is 300 kph held in an F3 race in Indonesia
PHOTOGRAPHY: MARK NICDAO
Hands, Hottie, 100%
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A very important body part, if it isn't yet too obvious. Motor skills help us grasp, touch and grip. Our fingertips house a lot of nerve endings, which allow us to receive information from our environment via touch. In the sexual arena, hands are soldiers sent out for reconnaissance, to test the waters if heavy petting can lead to the horizontal tango. Hands are the main stars in foreplay, and fingers, the advance party to prep the vagina for dick's arrival. The hand is every teenager's first sexual encounter, and also the single man's cheap Friday date.
BEDROOM HANDIWORK AS A COURTESY TO YOUR LADY, MAKE SURE THAT YOUR HANDS ARE SQUEAKY CLEAN BEFORE KNOCKING.
Fingering A colloquial term for masturbating a woman’s pussy using your digits. Or hers.
Handjobs AKA third base, gateway drug to blowjobs and the big insertion.
Fisting The whole hand is inserted into the pussy or ass. Once in, it is up to the "inserter" whether to keep the hand clenched in a fist or opened up ( Jazz hands!). Of course, the risk of inserting a clenched fist into a vagina in some cases, result to injuries. Handle her with care.
ILLUSTRATIONS: JAMES ANDRES
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1. Colloquial. A “hot” or sexually attractive individual. 2. A monthly roster of females featured on FHM.com.ph who take off an article of clothing one slideshow at a time. The 100% Hottie galleries feature 25 photos that start with the hottie in question fully clothed and end with them with practically none. In other words, a digital, mano mano striptease of the finest babes in FHM nation.
PHOTOGRAPHY: JERICO MONTEMAYOR
Hentai, Horniness Meter
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Hentai came into this world in 1979 through one of manga icon Azuma Hideo’s groundbreaking comics, Cybele. The underground graphic novel first featured the anime theme, the “lolicon”—the desirability of underage girls— which became wildly popular with the fans. After some years, comics morphed into video games called Eroge and the first of its kind was called Tenshitachi no Gogo (Angel’s afternoon). This title featured adventure game play set in a Japanese school and the main player objective is focused on seducing the campus hottie named Yumiko Shiraishi. Now, a huge part of the Hentai culture is getting the hang of the language.
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1. Anaru Sodomy or sexual intercourse through anal penetration 2. Bakunyuu Humongous knockers
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A woman without her clothes on, right next to you in bed, masturbating
Foreplay
Dirty talk/flirting
Watching porn
Getting a lap dance
Reading FHM Ladies’ Confessions 3. Chikan Slimy perv. The types who go for “pasimple tsansing ” in unassuming situations, like crowded places or the train commute
4. Hitozuma Common hentai fantasy where a wife cheats on her husband for a younger lad
5. Meganekko Spectacleswearing women, connotes corruptible innocence and sexual deviancies
Sightseeing bikini babes at the beach
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Illicit Sex / Prostitution, Instagram
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" Lahat ng masarap, bawal " is an old adage bandied about constantly—usually while digging into a big chunk of crispy pata or chugging down bottles of beer with a pack of smokes. This adage however, also fits illicit sex perfectly. Forbidden sexual dalliances could mean anything from sex in public places, sex with people off-limits to you (e.g. your English professor, your boss, your married next-door neighbor, the masseuse) or legally prohibited sex, i.e. prostitution. Prostitution occurs in brothels (casas), bars, karaoke bars (KTV), massage parlors and escort services. What constitutes illicit sex can be as little as a himas and a handjob, to full-length coitus, with foreplay and oral on the side.
TOO MUCH? UNICEF has reported around 400,000500,000 sex workers in the country as of 2012
A mobile photo app developed by Kevin Systrom and Mike Krieger that uses smartphone-taken photos, applies filters and shares them to social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, and Flickr. Tech website Mashable says “the service surpassed 50 million users shortly after opening the app to Android customers (It was previously only available on the iPhone). About 5 million mobile photographers are signing up each week.” According to Instagram’s terms of service, they don’t allow “nude, partially nude, or sexually suggestive photos.” But with more than five million photos uploaded to the site each day and only a handful of employees checking each photo, some risqué photos are bound to pass through.
GASGAS PHOTOS THAT SAY YOU’RE ON INSTAGRAM t Feet on the beach t Food porn t Nail art t Inspirational quotes t Tall buildings shot from the ground t Latte Art t SMS Conversations t Airplane Wings t Bathroom Mirror Selfies t Sunsets
HOT “ WOMEN ” AL SO ON INSTAGR AM
Eva Angelina Handle: @evaangelina
Kiera King Handle: @kieraking
April O'Neil Handle: @heyitsapril
Jenny Hendrix Handle: @jennyhendrix
Savanna Stern Handle: @savannastern
Sandee Westgate Handle: @sandeecakes
PHOTO: PAOLO PINEDA OF MIDNIGHT BONKERS
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Intercourse, Science of
*/5&3$0634& 4$*&/$&0' Ah, sex—one of the few activities that incite extreme fear and absolute happiness at the same time. In the grand scheme of things, sexual intercourse, coitus, or copulation serves to plant the male seed or sperm into a woman’s body, fertilize her eggs, and reproduce an offspring. And it all happens when the erect male penis enters a woman’s vaginal tunnels, also known as “immissio penis,” Latin for “insertion of the penis.”But the journey of the sperm from the testes to the female urthera is a long and interesting one.
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Within the male testes are coiled structures called “seminiferous tubules”—your sperm factories. Once your swimmers are born, they leave the nursery and transfer to the top portion of the testes called the “epididymis,” where they mature.
In two weeks time, they travel to the tail of the “epididymis” where they’re stored until their moment to shine comes.
HAVE SEX FOR LONGER LIFE! Men who have sex 3 times a week are 50% less likely to get a stroke or a heart attack. Those who have 150 to 350 orgasms per year also live a while longer.
At some point, your sperms leave the epididymis and loads into the “vas deferens,” a muscular tube that pumps those babies to the final waiting area, the ampulla.
…AND A NATURAL ANTI-AGING IN WOMEN Ladies who love the bed game tend to live longer and feel 2 to 8 years younger.
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TULOG ! Compared to masturbating, sex releases 400% higher prolactin (hormones that give you the feeling of satiety)—that’s why you end up deadbeat and snoring right after all that excitement.
During sexual intercourse, the penis fills with blood and becomes erect, ready to send off your new batch of DNAcarrying crafts. Your sperm now exits your ampulla where it combines with seminal fluid from the seminal vesicles, then passes through the prostate gland to add milky prostatic fluid into the magical mixture, and then boards the ejaculatory ducts for take-off.
ILLUSTRATIONS: JAMES ANDRES
Phase I: Excitement t:PVSNVTDMFTUFOTFVQBOE blood flow increases in and around your sexual organs. t:PVHFUBTFYnVTIPOUIFVQQFS bodies and face. t:PVSIFBSUCFBUTGBTUFS breathing rates increase, and your blood pressure goes up. t:PVSXPNBOTWBHJOBTXFMMTVQ and gets lubricated.
By this time, your sperms wake up from their long sleep and start kicking. The semen would be moving at around 28 mph or 45kph, carrying an average of 120 million sperms and when it’s out of penis world, the flow slows down to about 0.0011 mph or 0.0017 kph. And just like astronauts exploring unknown worlds, your semen, carrying all your sperms, leave one urethra and arrive at another (that’s if you don’t have rubber on). Welcome to the arena, boys!
Phase II: Plateau t:PVSIFBSUSBUFDPOUJOVFTUP rise and your muscle tension increases a notch. t:PVSCMBEEFSTIVUTDMPTF TP urine won’t mix with your jizz. t)FSDMJUPSJTJTNPSFMVCSJDBUFE shows signs of outer swelling, tightened muscles, and decrease in diameter size. Phase III: Orgasm t:PVSMPXFSQFMWJD muscles begin a cycle of rhythmic contractions, also causing uterine and vaginal contractions in your partner. t:PVSCSFBUIJOHSBUFTQJLFT Phase IV: Resolution Phase t:PVSCMPPEQSFTTVSFESPQBOE muscles relax as your bodies try to settle and enter the resting phase. t:PVSCPEJFTHPJOUPBSFGSBDUPSZ period post-coitus, when both of you can no longer reach another orgasm (Sometimes not true for lucky women who can reach multiple orgasms). This period can last from minutes to days—usually longer for men than women.
Iwa Moto
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There’s just something about Iwa that tells us she’s not the type of chick you can easily mess with, even when our first meeting with her was as a nervous teen when she debuted on our cover in December 2006. Maybe it’s in her trademark chinita tiger eyes? She’s been labeled a “mean girl” in the sprouting days of her career during her StarStruck days. But that’s not what you remember her for. After numerous FHM cover appearances and 100 Sexiest entries, the curvy chinita definitely etched her place in FHM nation’s hearts and memories—well enough to be rewritten in this encyclopedia.
Jackie Rice, Japan special
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Heir apparent to Priscilla Almeda’s Sutla-fied sex appeal, the rosy-skinned mestiza may not have the exact curves as the sex goddess had during her prime, but this Starstruck grand winner has the rest of the prime goods: a young woman’s charm and glow, flawless skin, an overall innocence and softness about her. She made this clear twice over in our cover pages. No one in their right mind would say no to an extra serving of Jackie Rice.
PHOTOGRAPHY: DOC MARLON PECJO
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+"1"/41&$*"No contest: the Japanese’s penchant for the odd, weird, counter-culture, and quirky is unparalleled. Arguably, too many an intensely kinky sexual activity in the bedroom (and even beyond) could be attributed to them. A QUICK RUNDOWN OF FASCINATING, SEXY JAP PRACTICES A. Bukkake. First made waves in the Japanese adult film fare of the 1980s, involving men ejaculating on their partner. B. Nyotaimori. A woman’s naked body is used as a platter for fresh sushi and people get to eat off her. C. Shibari/ Kinbaku-bi. Forms of tying, which constitute the main pillar for the
bondage and discipline with sadomasochism (BDSM) culture. D. Tamakeri. Basically, a man’s jewels are physically abused during the deed. Ouch. E. Omorashi. Means “to wet oneself”. Involves sexual partners peeing on one another. R. Kelly has been rumored to practice it.
Jamilla Obispo
+".*--"0#*410 The pretty-faced and soft-spoken lady easily turned heads back in 2007 after appearing in hit reality show Pinoy Big Brother, where she revealed that despite her naïve looks and slim figure, that she was—gasp—already a mother. That same year, she graced our rag with a cover appearance. And we were all but excited and curious to hear about the naughtiness Jamilla might have snuck behind the pan-optic eyes of Big Brother. Was she naughty there? Classy woman, Jamilla tells us her “lips are sealed.” Two things are for sure though: 1.) The term “hot momma” will probably be used heavily to describe Jamilla Obispo. And 2.) We miss her.
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PHOTOGRAPHY: XANDER ANGELES OF EDGE OF LIGHT
Jizz, Joanne Quintas x Jackie Forster cover
+*;;
The slang term for the male semen, secreted by the gonads during orgasm. This slimy, bodily fluid carries the spermatozoa, better known as sperm, to fertilize the female’s ova. This you already know, that’s why you wear a rubber. But do you know what nature’s house special blend is composed of?
8)"5.",&4:063+*;; "+0--:(00%(00 Fructose – Where your sperm gets their energy Mucus – Makes your semen less viscous and jelly-like, so your sperm can easily wiggle their way up to the vagina and cervix, and into the promised land.
8 )&/ :0 6 3+*; ; 8*-- -* , &-:5" 45&(00% Pineapple
8 ) & / *5 130# "#-: 8 0 / n 5 Coffee
Banana
Chocolate
Mango
Dairy Products
Beer
Cigarettes WE SHOULD BE SO LUCKY
Green Tea
Medication
Oranges
Not enough water
In Papua New Guinea— Sambia and Etoro tribes require their young men to give elders a blowjob to pass down power and authority through semen. Talk about sacrifice.
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PHOTOGRAPHY: RONNIE SALVACION
Bosom buddies getting a feel of each other’s mammaries was an alien concept to FHM until 2002, when these two did it for the January cover of that year. "Nakakatawa!” says Joanne Quintas of their little misdeed. “It was pretty sexy, because of the poses and the fact that we were nude. But I found it funny because we were both nude, and I’m not used to changing clothes in front of other women, not even Jackie.” First times are always sexy.
K-pop, Kristine Santamena
,101 Since the early 2000s, Koreans have been satisfying not only our need for spicy food and pretty porcelainskinned women, but apparently, our need for easy dance music, too. K-Pop, or Korean pop, is a testament to how Asians can whip some Western-influenced beats and grooves and make it their own. Taking on multi-media platforms by storm, our Koreano neighbors have extended their fame from Asia to American and European lands, fevering everyone up with dance song crazes like the Wonder Girls’ “Nobody” to Psy’s “Gentleman.”
,3*45*/& 4"/5".&/" We know we’re doing things right whenever we stumble into uncharted territories such as this fine lady. Then-little-known Kristine was an occasional car show model before she gave an FHM shoot a go just two months past her 18th birthday. Now she has grown into a celebrity in her own right, scoring TV commercial and product endorsements for a coffee and a paint brand, respectively. “Ayokong ako yung magtratrabaho para sa kumpanya, gusto ko they work for me,” she once told us. “Gusto ko ako yung boss.” You can say FHM has made her dream come true.
Not into it? What makes you so sure? Drunk-danced to Wonder Girls’ “Nobody” Found Sandara Park “hip” and “hot” when she joined 2NE1 Tried (and failed) dressing like Psy with your suit and tie, and brushed up do Thought of splurging on a Super Junior concert ticket Danced (unfortunately, you were very much sober this time) to Psy’s “Gangnam Style”
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PHOTOGRAPHY: PAOLO PINEDA OF MIDNIGHT BONKERS
Kama Sutra, Karen Montelibano
,"."4653" 2 words in the title mean two things:
,"."—sensual/sexual pleasure 4µ53"—a thread that holds things together
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• Introduction • On sexual union • Acquiring a wife • About a wife: Duties and privileges of the wife • Other men’s wives • About courtesans • Occult practices
Number of search results the keyword “kama sutra” yields on Google
The time historians say the text was composed
Google search
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,"3&/ .0/5&-*#"/0 In March of 2002, we put a naked woman on the cover. No shocker there, except she was then a relative unknown, but fans would know her for her appearances in bold flick Sisid (2002) and the year before in Diskarte (2001). Years after, FHM bullboarders will create appreciation threads for Karen Montelibano, and her svelte bronze goddess memory as she appeared in the film and our pages years since. We miss her terribly.
8 ) "5% 0 8 &, / 0 8" # 0 6 5 ,"3&/ She comes from a well-to-do family “My dad runs a shipping line…” She’s smart “Since I’ve graduated, I want to pursue what I really wanted to do… But I also want to take up another degree… AB in Economics.” She has a tricky taste when it comes to guys “He must not be mayamanlooking, and must not wear too much jewelry. ’ Yung parang nagtitinda ng baboy. Basta malinis tingnan at hindi bad breath.” She’s honest Asked how she rates herself on a scale of 1 to 10 in bed, Karen says: “Well, I dance well, so I guess I’m very good in bed. I think I’m a 10.” *Quotes from her March 2002 interview
PHOTOGRAPHY: XANDER ANGELES
Katrina Halili
,"53*/")"-*-*
Look how far one of our favorite chinitas and StarStruck alumna has traveled. She’s been labeled a kontrabida on and off screen. Her bad girl image surely brought her fame as she unleashed her talent in acting, and she’s headlined a few infamous deeds with a leaked bedroom tape. But more than that, Katrina Halili showed true girl power. After giving birth to a baby girl, she’s now on her way to breaking through all the bad publicity and to retrieve her spot in the industry. What a woman.
, "5 3 * / " * /
3
2
1
number of times she’s graced our covers
number of succeeding times she’s bagged the title Philippines’ Finest
number of Katrina Halili in our hearts (naks!)
PHOTOGRAPHY: XANDER ANGELES
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Kissing, KTV
,*44*/(
An activity used to show affection, respect (beso), honor rituals (weddings), or get a MOMOL session going. Anthropologists believe there are two possible ways kissing came around: 1. One theory says that it is simply an instinctive process, like breathing (or say, fucking); 2. The other school of thought is that kissing evolved from animal behavior like grooming or premastication—the act of chewing food before regurgitating it into an infant’s mouth like our bird friends—not the best mental image when you’re tongue deep into your girlfriend!
,57
The abbreviated form for karaoke television, more popularly known as videoke. Affixed with the word “Family,” they’re normally a place where you can hang with female officemates or the wife and kids. But of course, the KTV we’re more familiar with is much more than that: a place to disappear to come sweldo time or anytime you feel like snuggling up with babes who aren't the least bit concerned about your singing prowess.
."/*-" 1"3"ª"26& t Air Force One
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t Classmate t Pegasus t Maximus t Heartbeat
t Bang-Bang Ali II t Takusa t Flirt
t Genie t Dark Beat t Star Palace
Legs, Lips
E LONG WOMEN LIK N, TOO E M LEGGED logists from
ho A study by psyc Wroclaw in of the University g 200 men and Poland involvin both sexes are at th women found er legs, and with ng lo to attracted are use: "Long legs evolutionary ca od health," a sign of go lowski, the lead Boguslaw Paw . r the study, says psychologist fo
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If the gospel of Hagibis is to be believed, we should all be wearing Ray-Bans around these things. This come-hither body part has many nicknames, with stems and pins on top of the list. If you're an old gangster from the 1920s, you call these gams. There's also a lot of talk about spreading and parting—we're not so sure what that’s about (okay, we know). Unlike foot fetishism or podophilia, though, there is no scientific term for a strong fascination with legs. Puzzling!
MO, IKLI NG LEGGS! N O CH the
orter legs, on People with sh ve an elevated ha other hand, scular disease risk of cardiova tes. In men, be ia D and type 2 also lead to short legs may lycerides— ig tr of ls higher leve of fat found pe ty a e ar which cause heart ay m at in blood th e. diseas
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ce Your skin has 16 tes wer melanocy Fe e. fiv ly lips, on pigment), n ni ela m e uc (cells that prod d hter in shade an make the skin lig inent, om pr e or m els the blood vess ce r its red color. Sin giving your kisse sent on ab e ar s nd gla t hair and swea d get y out quicker an the lips, they dr y. easil chapped more
Tubercle, aka tuberculumlabii suerioris.
Cupid’s bow
PHOTOGRAPHY: SPAOLO PINEDA TJERICO MONTEMAYOR, RIA REGINO
-*14
Comes from the Old English word “lippa” or “lippe”. Lips are used for three things: taking in food, verbalizing words through sound, and best of all, kissing.
R, THE PLUMPEER T T E THE B eir lips for
Upper lip, aka Labium superius oris Lower lip, aka Labium inferius oris
Vermilion border
painted th Women have ar ake them appe centuries to m s in w ly al tu ick ac fuller. But lipst 7.3 at in g in tim men’s ga zes, d and ling for fiery re seconds of og . This is nk pi t ee sw r 6.7 seconds fo ester s at the Manch what scientist they n he w t, ou d Universit y foun of 50 ts en em e mov tracked the ey os of ot ph at g in ok men while lo . olored women different lip-c
)"7& ' - & 4 ):56#& 3$-& 8 * --03(" 4. '" 45 &3 Stuart Brody, a psychology professor at the University of the West of Scotland, claimed that women with prominent tubercles orgasmed faster than women with flat upper lips. Although the research and survey received a lot of criticism and its results deemed insignificant by detractors, the authors argue that neural circuits that shape the lip bump and affect vaginal orgasm in women are the same. Go figure.
LJ Reyes
PHOTOGRAPHY: DOC MARLON PECJO
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First, she debuts on the magazine cover: younger, supple, and in different sets of styled wings. Then she takes a hiatus from showbiz and re-appears, back in the business, and on our cover a second time: older, more mature, and post-bearing a child. People who have not seen her photos would think: “Naku, baka losyang na!” But the word losyang doesn’t exist in Ms. Lourna Jean Reyes' dictionary. In fact, quite the opposite: she’s become softer, suppler, and sexier. If women across the world are to follow what LJ has done, then all women should have babies!
Lovi Poe, Lust
-07*10&
This lady needs no fancy introduction. Lovi Poe tugged on our heartstrings the moment she shone from behind his late father’s shadow. Truly, Da King has gifted us with something precious. To hell with the haters, our September 2011 cover girl has proven herself worthy of all the acting awards she has bagged. More than eye candy, Lovi is a hard-to-miss prospect for Icon status in the industry. No, she’s not Da Princess, she’s just her own lovely self.
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Lovi got inked after losing her daddy Fernando Poe Jr. She has three tattoos to date, and it says:
“My wings”
“My gravity”
“Quiet child”
-645
Among the deadliest of the seven deadly sins, this is probably the transgression men commit the most without realizing it. By Biblical standards, Matthew 5:28 says: “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Indeed, we find ourselves at fault at one time or another, but hey, we’re only human after all.
PHOTOGRAPHY: WRIA REGINO WWMARK NICDAO
Marian Rivera
MARIAN DEVOTION
WHY MARIAN RIVERA IS TRUE LOVE 1. We all patiently courted her for (or counted down) five years until her matamis na oo. 2. We hungrily stalked her online presence (fake or not) and FHM nation super-sleuthed to suss out if she was really going to be on the cover (tindi nyo, mga pre!) 3. We will watch anything with her in it—action, comedy, drama, horror, or all of the above, no matter the incredulous plot—just to catch a glimpse of her 4. She is gorgeous and down to earth—Damn you, Ding Dong!
.
PHOTOGRAPHY: MARK NICDAO
."3*"/3*7&3" Marian Rivera took her sweet time before touching base with FHM . In fact, we were on the waiting list for five years. However, when she finally gave us the time of day, it was glorious. Our cover girl of January 2013 said she waited for the stars to align and to say what we’ve all been waiting for: “It took me a long time to say yes to FHM pero this time kasi nag-swak na ang gusto kong mangyari sa gusto niyong mangyari so everything fell into place,” she said. As if that wasn’t reward enough, putting FHM nation’s vote to good use has us seeing Marian walk down the ramp again as the Philippines' Finest. No matter what the haters say, none of them can pull off looking like this.
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Massage Parlors, Mommas, hot
."44"(& 1"3-034
Read: spakol. Where boyfriends, husbands, and single men go to relieve themselves of stress inherited from their waking lives. Happy endings: included. Not to be confused with actual spas, where girlfriends, wives, and single women go
JENNYLYN MERCADO
PHOTOGRAPHY: BJ PASCUAL, XANDER ANGELES, RONNIE SALVACION,DOC MARLON PECJO
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LJ REYES
Also known as: MILFs, cougars, or momshells. If anything, they’re proof that no amount of Anmum can stop a woman from aging gracefully. Take a look at these immortals:
DINA BONNEVIE
JEAN GARCIA
EULA VALDES
New Pogi, Niña Jose
/&810(* Being just physically attractive and fit isn’t enough anymore. The amount of non-physical interactions brought about by Facebook and the like has reduced the power of the jock, and raised the stock of geeks. Being smart and geek-funny has become as important as being able to run fast or jump high. Money isn’t everything, and a little personality goes a long way. Women love a man that can make them laugh. This is the new pogi.
"3&:06"/&8
10(*
Three out of five means you probably are Average to questionablelooking Average to extremely funny You have “personality” Girls think you’re smart You’re already dating, or are with a hot girl
PHOTOGRAPHY: SNIKO VILLEGAS TXANDER ANGELES
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/*ª"+04& There’s just something so cute about the girls of reality TV. Take two-time cover girl Niña Jose for instance. It may be her candid nature (she admitted to us the second time around that she’s still a virgin); or perhaps her ability to be brashly honest and carefree when admitting personal issues (she once shared with us her bout with anorexia); or maybe it’s the realness they deliver, permeating our pages with that attainable quality all men long for Niña has definitely got a lot of this. We can’t really quite figure it out. But one thing’s for sure, girls like Niña Jose are a reality we never want to escape from.
Nipples, Nymphomania
/*11-&4
A pair of protrusions that complete the female’s breasts. Even though we’d like to believe that it is one of God’s gifts to the adult male, its main function is to discharge and supply milk to a woman’s offspring. Nipples are also referred to as teat, tits, or papilla. Just like fingerprints, no two nipples are exactly the same.
'00-1300'8":4 5045*.6-"5& /*11-&4 Step 1: Tighten your tongue into a point and lick your way up, down, and between her breasts using two hands to anchor on both tits. Step 2: Proceed to conquer areas of proximity with your tongue, exploring the sides of her breasts, while continuing twiddling with her nipples. Step 3: Inch your tongue’s way around the breast area until you arrive at her nipples. Go hard or soft with your tongue and gauge her reaction. Step 4: Suck at the nipples profusely, one after the other, or concentrating on one tit more than the other. If she hasn't pulled out your hair yet, then congratulations, you're doing it right, lover boy.
SMALLER NIPPLES ARE LUCKIER!
Big or small, all breasts have the same number of nerve endings. But since nerve endings are much closer together in smaller breasts or nipples, they are likely to be more sensitive than their big sisters. Interestingly, one breast/nipple is also more sensitive than the other. Though the left side is medically more sensitive, asking your woman which button to push will surely speed things up.
PHOTOGRAPHY: EJAY LEUNG OF MIDNIGHT BONKERS
/:.1)0."/*"
Females having insatiable appetites and abnormal addiction to sex (In males, Satyriasis). Nymphomaniacs are marked by one or all of the following:: having multiple sex partners, dipping into excessive masturbation or use of pornography, exhibitionism, emotional detachment in your sexual relationships, and dependency on coitus to cope with daily life.
PHOTOGRAPHY: RIA REGINO
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Onanism, One night stands
0
0/"/*4.
Means one of two things: 1. Masturbation. 2. “Coitus interruptus,” or the act of withdrawing your penis from the vagina right before the big shebang, thereby spilling your seed. It's a sin that has its roots in the Old Testament—sex is for procreation; your seed a vessel to procreate; if you enjoy the sex and shun the procreation, you have sinned. Oh, the horror!
ONAN, THE PITIFUL Genesis tells the story this way: Onan is the second son of Judah. After his brother dies, Judah asks Onan to canoodle with his brother’s widow Tamar to preserve the family line. But he doesn't want children with Tamar, so during intercourse, Onan would withdraw his penis right before climax. He “spilled his semen on the ground.” To punish Onan, “the Lord put him to death.”
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0/&/*()545"/%4 Also known as a one-off, or sex with an acquaintance, friend, or complete stranger without strings attached, or a commitment that requires you to see him/her the following day. Simply put: a strict banging-only policy for one night only.
IT VARIES One-night stands may or may not be short and sweet (See: Quickie), and as with any sexual encounter, quality will depend on how well you mix with the other person.
Orgasm, Ornusa Cadness
03("4. The sudden discharge of accumulated sexual tension during the sexual response cycle, resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region characterized by sexual pleasure. Also known as sexual climax, or if you want to be real "mature" about it, the act of jizzing in your pants.
YOU LYING WITCH
ONE out of th ree women don' t achieve or during intercou gasm rse, and only one in 10 women consistently ac hieve it during sex.
)08505&--*'" 80."/*4'",*/( "/03("4.
The original FHM sex guru Asia Agcaoili tells you the truth
Mechanical moaning “She might sound like a real porn star and it might be super-arousing but odds are she’s faking it.”
be able to feel her muscles contract down there. You should feel her PC muscle contracting or gripping your penis.”
Unsynchronized sound effects “If you take a break and she’s still increasing her moan, she’s definitely faking it.”
Her breathing “The heavy breathing will continue for a little while in actual orgasm. If, like a control button, it instantly stops she’s probably faking it.”
No PC muscle contraction “If her orgasm is real, you should
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03/64" $"%/&44
Ornusa Cadness’s devil-may-care demeanor and exploits as supermodel and DJ gives us one word to describe her: Ultracool. That’s beside the fact that her angelic face and long, slender body are obviously makapanlambot-tuhod. We want her because she seems like the type who will drag our lazy, videogame-playing asses off the couch to get on some kind of impromptu adventure. The prospect of hanging out with someone as cool as her along with her free-flowing rhythm is incredibly attractive. Not to mention, sexy.
PHOTOGRAPHY: DOC MARLON PECJO
Paloma, Pole dancing
1
N ed EnSy uInG dver tis a BnYg heD d r ma o a gif te
A mo is als Paloma n did talents: r tist—she eve r a he ic r h p fo a s r g design to ru o h g p the love u monthly former olumn. c
PHOTOGRAPHY: SDOC MARLON PECJO TPAOLO PINEDA OF MIDNIGHT BONKERS
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1"-0." The memory of her first ever FHM appearance as a pinup sailor babe inside the magazine, though no less scintillating, was probably trumped by our shared memory of Paloma Esmeria on her April 2009 cover debut—a glorious time when she shed all her clothes and had seeming gold balat ng kendi things stuck to her delicate lady parts, and glittering gold powder showered on her skin. Her stint as love guru succeeding Ms. Agcaoili was an educational experience, and her recurring appearances in Ladies Confessions and other FHM specials reassures us we’ll be treated to more of this gorgeous goddess in the days to come.
10-&%"/$*/( A form of performance art, traditionally associated with strip clubs, which combines dance and acrobatics centered on a vertical pole. This is FHM May 2013 Ryza Cenon’s fitness routine of choice. Paloma, who demonstrated her expertise at the at the FHM 100 Sexiest Victory Party in 2010, on the benefits of pole dancing: “Maraming health benefits dito. Unang-una, gaganda ang katawan mo. Pangalawa, titibay ang core mo. Kailangan lang fit ang outfit mo and wear short shorts, kasi gagamitin mo ang legs mo the whole time.” Her solid core and legs—imagine how she would be able to wrap herself around you scissor-like...
Patricia Javier, Pheromones
1"53*$*" +"7*&3 If we were to come up with an official Hall of Fame with the title “Sexiest Pinays of All Time”, Patricia Javier will surely be in the Top 5. We’ve been missing this FHM veteran, who remind us of an era when sexy meant panties with larger expanse of tela, but even that couldn’t hide goddesses like Patricia Javier’s curvy mounds.
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TRIVIA ALERT! Patricia Javier mentored and “discovered” fellow Visayan hottie Sheree—talk about a hot protégé.
PHOTOGRAPHY: TOM EPPERSON, DOC MARLON PECJO; ILLUSTRATION: MARTIN COSME
1)&30.0/&4 If you’re panicking whenever your male dog is furiously ramming another lady dog during mating season, then you might be ignorant of the natural bodily excretion that are pheromones. First discovered in the ‘50s among insects—and later on in other animals—pheromones are emitted for the olfactory of the same species to attract attention or alarm physiological signals such as sex drive. Although highly debated on, human pheromones are also believed to exist. In a study conducted by scientists in Philadelphia in the ‘80s, human pheromones are believed to affect the sexual and social behavior of individuals. If you’re wondering why the smell of your partner highly triggers your sexual drive and affection, then the pheromones are probably working to her advantage. Don’t be amused if your girl digs amoy-kili-kili, amoy-hininga, and amoy-pawis because it’s likely that you’re marking your territory and she loves to linger around.
Poking, Prophylactics
10,*/(
Part-cute, like little kids on a playground, and part carnal, like big kids on a bed—that’s the beauty of a Facebook Poke: it’s as innocent or as dirty as you make it, and as far as social network features go, it’s less pa-simple than a status update.
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Lol!
1301):-"$5*$4 BRING BACK THE POKE! Poking perfectly sums up the early spirit of Facebook, before corporate fan pages, shared memes, and Instagram pictures turned Facebook into a megalithic Big Brother—all-seeing, allknowing, and completely dull. While it still technically exists, shamefacedly hidden away by suited Silicon Valley higher-ups in the gear icon in every friend’s timeline, the Poke seems to be a relic of a time when Facebook was actually pretty cool.
A medicine or course of action which preserves or defends against diseases. A word that also applies to a vaccine catering to polio, smallpox, measles, mumps, and influenza, none of which are sexy. For a more practical definition, see: condom.
Pornography
103/0(3"1):
BY THE NUMBERS
Abbreviated in the colloquial as “porno” or “porn”— otherwise known as movies, pictures, GIFs, or any erotic material of people half or fully naked, most of the time bonking, as an aid for jerking off or stimulating sexual excitement. Here are the fast facts on the stuff that fills up most of your hard drive...
The number of monthly visitors to LiveJasmin.com, the Internet’s most popular adult webcam site
13%
4%
= 1 website
Percentage of all websites are pornographic, according to neuroscientist Ogi Ogas, author of A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the Internet Tells Us About Sexual Relationships
Percentage of all Internet web searches that are pornography related, also according to Ogas
The number of porn sites blocked by Cybersitter
MILFS 0
5 billion
The average number of page views Xvideos gets. CNN only gets a third of that.
The average number of page views PornHub, the secondmost viewed porn site, gets. It’s followed on the list by YouPorn and Tube8
STREAMING...
43:1 Cheerleaders
The ratio of searches for “MILFS” as compared with searches for “Cheerleaders” on PornHub
pages per second The velocity of goods at which YouPorn delivers
= 200 pages/second
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PORN LEXICON
PORNOGRAPHY THROUGH THE AGES
“Indian”
“Veggie Scene”
The most popular nationality searched on PornHub, followed by “German”, “French”, “Japanese”, and “Russian.”
A scene in a video with no sausage...that is, no dudes. One of your favorites, we’re sure.
“Window Shopping” The practice of having multiple porn videos open in tabbed browser windows, switching from one to another as you do your business.
“Gonzo” A kind of meta-porno, where performers break the fourth wall by openly acknowledging that there’s a camera around filming them.
! “Writing about prostitutes” The literal translation of pornography from its Greek roots. Interestingly enough, during Greek times, drawings of couples having sex were drawn on the bottom of children’s plates as entertainment.
“Dopamine” The chemical released in the brain while watching porn. It’s not special porn juice produced by your brain—exercise, eating, and generally pleasurable activities also produce this too.
18th century In Europe, nude drawings and caricatures are used as blinditem vehicles to depict scandals in royalty and the clergy.
19th century 20th century “Smut” and sexy magazines take off. Motion pictures make the distribution and proliferation of porn wider. Prompting the birth of film regulation (See: X-rating).
21st century The advent of the Internet, webcams, and filesharing allows for easy access of pornographic material. Porn restrictions become virtually non-existent.
Positions, Sexual
104*5*0/4 4&96"-
Apps have given to the general public access instructional sex manuals on positions that require talent, skill, strength, lakas loob, and an open mind to reach mind-blowing orgasms. But ages before the app-volution, there were books, much like this encyclopedia. Speculum al foderi or The Mirror of Coitus is the earliest known European medieval text devoted to sexual positions. This Catalan text was discovered in the ‘70s and traces back to 15th century. Marcantonio Raimondi’s I Modi (The Ways), also known as The Sixteen Pleasures, was famous (as it was infamous) during the Italian Renaissance, which “illustrated” the baluktot-buto sexual positions through intricate engravings. The Catholic Church wasted no time destroying them, but some fragments of later editions or versions, like that of Agostino Caracci, managed to survive until today. However, the most well-known sex bible come from India, the Kama Sutra, written by Vātsyāyana. “Kāma,” one of the four goals of Hindu life, pertains to sensual or sexual pleasure, while “sūtra” literally translates to a thread or line that holds things together, or figuratively, a rule or formula. This sex-dedicated chapter has already advanced from 2D to 3D and has made its way to the silver screen, the Internet, your mobile device, and now to your sweaty palms. (see: Kama Sutra)
ILLUSTRATIONS: JAMES ANDRES
8)"5 4 )& - *,& 4 Missionary X Women love the classic position because it gives them enough clitoris action to reach orgasm and the feeling of being dominated. You may think it’s boring, but it’s been tried and tested. Why deprive her of such pleasures? Cowgirl W Gives her the reins and guarantees deep penetration. Just lie on your back, let her do all the work, and follow her rhythm. Nothing’s sexier than a woman who knows how to pleasure herself—and you watching from the front row seat.
Spoon S If she’s all about comfort, then this is the way to go. This frees up your hands to grab her breasts and allows her to let go and make all sorts of sexy faces without worrying what you’ll think.
Standing/Ballerina X It may take awhile for both of you to climax, since this position takes a lot of work, but there’s something about a man’s brute strength and being pinned to the wall that turns a woman on. If you lack the power (or she’s on the plumper side—don’t tell her we said that), switch to the Ballerina position, so she can balance herself on one foot and wrap her other leg around you.
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8 ) "5 :0 6 -* ,& Folded Deck Chair W Gives you deep penetration, even if you’re somewhat short on mileage down there. Requires a relatively flexible partner, but ensures tight entry and better angle of penetration to hit the G-spot.
The Mirror Banger S Watching your woman lose herself in the mirror while you do her is like starring in your own porn movie. If she gets conscious or insecure, reach for her mouth so her attention’s on you and not on how weird she thinks her O-face looks like. Doggy Style X Doggy style is for girls who like it rough—but not too rough. Instead of fast and deep thrusts, go for slow and shallow, so you won’t ram her cervix. You may love the great rear view and that she’s on all fours, but don’t forget to stimulate her clitoris while stroking her hair and back, to make sure she’s enjoying it as much as you do.
Lotus S Just like the Cowgirl position, your lady will be doing most of the rocking. With her legs wrapped around you, there’s a higher probability of her hitting your G-spot. Let her ride you near a wall for balance, and enjoy her breasts rubbing onto your chest.
8)"5:06 4)06-%53: CHITAE GANDA LALAKE If you fancy yourself a little primal action, you should try sex while swinging. Penetration could be difficult in the beginning, but it should be an exciting thought that all your energy is poured into your lovemaking, instead of making sure you’re balanced and your cock doesn’t slide out half of the time.
Quark/Quentin, Quickie
2
26"3,26&/5*/
While these guys will be the first to admit (probably) that they’re no Brad Pitt or Piolo— auteur friends (Yes, they know each other) Quentin Tarantino and our own Quark Henares aren’t without charismatic artillery and charm offensive to launch against the opposite sex. We think it has something to do with the fact that they make non-mediocre films, and rub elbows with artistas for a living. And though we can’t ask Quentin or Quark what ladies find appealing about them (that’s just gay), we can fish this much man-lessons from their films—
26"3,n4 WRAKENROL (2011) There’s only two sides to Manila’s music scene. Bad: Satanic S&M bands, and Good: bands with vocalists who look like Glaiza de Castro
26&/5*/n4 KILL BILL VOL 1 (2003) X Pregnant women are not to be messed with.
.&44"0//4 -
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GAMITAN (2002) X Revenge-sex always ends in grief. So is betting on a virgin’s puri.
WKEKA (2003) Katya Santos is hot. A jujitsu-ing, kickboxing, martial arts-doing Katya Santos is even better.
WDJANGO UNCHAINED (2012) Having your nuts almost cut off ups your adrenaline.
26*$,*&
WPULP FICTION (1994) Don’t do the number two with the toilet door unlocked. Even if you have a gun and you’re John Travolta.
Short order sex done with little or no foreplay at all, taking the fastest route to ejaculation—in short, para mairaos lang. Quickies are practical, efficient, and by pop culture standards, usually done against tables, and/or standing up.
Ramon Revilla, Rica Peralejo
3".0/ ."/ 3&7*--" -&440/4
The man who became a legend in movies like Nardong Putik and Pepeng Agimat, and who was a Senator for a good number of years, is also known for being the original “Pinoy Casanova” and “Hari ng Agimat.” No, he did not get all these mythic labels in a breeze. He’s fathered a reported 72 children to sixteen ladies, 38 of whom are acknowledged and bear the Revilla surname. He passed the Revilla Bill in 2004, allowing illegitimate children to bear the surname of their father. Seemingly self-serving, but an act of kindness, might we say. Ramon Revilla and his children are the true siga ng Cavite of a reigning dynasty of politicians. Now Jolo can proudly say, “ Wala kayo sa lolo ko.”
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Who will ever get over his fantasies of Balahibong Pusa? No one. Rica Peralejo definitely made a breakthrough after taking more challenging, daring roles in her career. Our two-time cover girl shifted from being a sweetheart in ‘90s chick flicks to being the bombshell every man went voyeur over. But her transformation didn’t end there. Our favorite kitten has taken on hosting and blogging all while being happily married to her pastor-husband. We miss your more daring pursuits, Rica, but congratulations on the bun in your oven!
PHOTOGRAPHY: PAOLO PINEDA
Ritz Azul, Ron Jeremy
PHOTOGRAPHY: ROY MACAM; ILLUSTRATION: JL PATULAN
3*5;";6It’s safe to assume that Ritz Azul is still a virgin (unless developments have taken place since we featured her on our November 2012 cover). And just like her undeniably seductive V-card, it’s the qualities of irrepressible youth that have us pining over this nubile ingénue. Since her debut on our pages, she’s taken over TV5, playing damsel in distress to Derek Ramsay’s Kidlat, made bikini-clad beach bums look even sexier in Misibis Bay, and has treated us to a number of scorching appearances at our annual events. Though Ritz may be getting older and gaining more experience, we hope she, ehem, saves herself for one more FHM cover in the not-sodistant future.
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30/+&3&.: Let’s talk about the kings of porn for a change. Due to the small number of males in their field of work, it’s easy to tell them apart. John Holmes is The Original Gangster, James Deen is the “Boy Next Door”, Peter North has those mega loads, and Ron Jeremy? Well he’s ugly. And hairy. So hairy they call him “The Hedgehog.” A man who may kindly be described as someone you definitely wouldn’t want to come across in a dark alley at night—whether you’re a man or woman. But he’s the most successful porn star of all time, with over 2000 hairy and sweaty appearances on film. Due to his excessive fuzz (and ugly mug), Ron Jeremy is proof that even the most industrial-looking male can woo someone for a round of sexy time. After all, the girls he’s laid can’t possibly all be animal lovers seeking a bearlike male for some coarse, grunt-filled sex, right?
A SAMPLE OF THE HEDGEHOG’S GLORIOUS BODY OF WORK 1. Super Hornio Brothers 2. Wizard of Ahh’s 3. Throbin Hood 4. Burlexxx 5. Liquid A$$ets 6. Sex-a-fari
Sam Pinto
4".1*/50 A former housemate in Pinoy Big Brother, Sam Pinto has blossomed into the Philippines’ Sexiest Woman in 2012. Who would have thought she’d find her way to our collective consciousness, from a nameless face splattered on shampoo sachets, to catching our eye in bahay ni kuya, and her iconic role as Neneng B, with her one-word catchphrase segments in Bubble Gang. She inspires us so. Bakit? You’ll only have to see the photo.
PHOTOGRAPHY: XANDER ANGELES
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ON A RELATED NOTE—
STILL A CHANCE!
Can we also point out that Sam doesn’t appear to have any high-profile boyfriends yet, and is still apparently single (as we work on this scholarly book anyway). Hey, a man can dream, right?
Schoolgirl Uniforms, Sexting, Sexy Selfies
4$)00-(*3- 6/*'03. As its name suggests, what a girl wears to school. But in Japan, it is much more. The Japanese are the world’s biggest fan and advocate of the schoolgirl uniform. Their sailor-style “Fuku” uniforms—while derived from European naval uniforms—have become a global cultural icon. So much so that some have begun to petition changing the country’s nickname to “Land of the Rising Skirt.” Since the days of Sailor Moon, Japan hasn’t had a shortage of schoolgirls in videogames and anime. And you’ll see them doing all sorts of things except for, well, studying. Neon Genesis Evangelion’s Rei and Asuka were busy piloting robots. In Tenjho Tenge, the schoolgirls were too caught up beating other schoolgirls up while their uniforms routinely got torn to bits. And in Street Fighter, Sakura kept forgetting her assignments because she had a match scheduled against Ryu. Meanwhile, every one of us waited for the moments we’d catch a glimpse of their panties.
4&95*/( It was August of 2012 when the word “sexting” officially joined our lexical consciousness. But it isn’t just about trying to stir her with pornographic images via dirty text messages. You want to make sure that your lusty correspondence goes as smooth as possible.
'). n46//0''*$*"-36-&40'4&95*/( Don’t come off as a horn-dog in heat. While part of sexting’s magic is its spontaneity, you should first be aware of the bond you and your woman share (or don’t share, for that matter). If you’ve been on one date and think sexting is the express ticket to a second, you’ll sooner find your name in Manila’s finest blotter. Double check the number. Simple yet easily forgotten. The
dangers of a wrong number cannot be overstated. Girlfriend? Wife? Boss? Mother?! If you’re into sending “intimate” selfies, think again. Keep sexting to simple “texts” as opposed to photos. Today, there’s no such thing as a private photograph. It wouldn’t hurt to spell check. While you may think it adds to your charm, drop the jejemon speak. It kills the mood faster than you can say dried up daisy.
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#like
#me
#selfshot
#bored
#hello
#love
#cam whore
#sorry not sorry
#potd
We feel there’s one hashtag for the ultimate selfie, a tag that can sum up the entire vain self-shooting culture in one term–“candid” poses, lewd comments, flamers and all. And that term is: #askingforit. We’ve compiled a useful list of attention-seeking terms for you.
#girl #style
#goodnight
#smile
#lol #GGSS
#sorry #random
#myself
#cute
#instamood
#selfie
#instasmile
#eyes #instalove @lovedanicastano
#igaddict
#instafamous
@jinri_88
#instagood
#hot
#portrait of the day #beautiful
#sexy
#picof theday
#mirror
#goodmorning
#GPOY #pretty
#stillup
#bored
#vain #follow
#fun #tagsforlikes
#swag
#cantstop
Sixty-nine, Swingers, Sunshine Cruz
4*95:/*/& Taking care of each other is fun. But according to a 2012 Women’s Health survey, the most mutually beneficial of sex positions isn’t too high on the list of women’s favorite coupling configurations. Why? It’s difficult for them to get pleasured when they’re getting busy themselves. It’s better to take turns instead. The survey also cites a lack of intimacy is also a problem. What would you prefer? Looking at your partner’s eyes as she goes to town on you—or her gooch?
THE SWINGING NINJA
48*/(&34 Also referred to as “The Lifestyle” or more contemporarily, “Wifeswapping.” Swinging is also associated with free love and hippies, when our lolos and lolas used to eyeball in potentially seedy clubs to couple and canoodle. But thanks to the Internet, posts such as “nice couples looking for safe sex” can satisfy most stranger sexperiments. Hey, if Will Smith, Hugh Hefner, and Bill Clinton did it, so can you.
The term “Ninja parties” refers to an episode when/where young folks get blindfolded, then pile into a pitch-black room stark naked before getting it on with strangers in the dark.
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46/4)*/& $36; Before the Internet made women with perfect bodies a common sight, Sunshine Cruz had already fulfilled the myth of sexy. The numbers: 36-2436. Sunshine Cruz brought those figures to life, as seen through her titillating movies in the early 2000s. It was truly a dream come true. A decade later, the reemergence of Sunshine has gone on to prove another myth: that the fountain of youth exists, and she’s found it. Time itself proved helpless to the beauty of Sunshine that it decided to preserve her perfection a little while longer. We’re a little luckier.
PHOTOGRAPHY: DOC MARLON PECJO
Solenn Heussaff
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It’s probably her French accent and baluktot na Tagalog. Or her athleticism on the side of being a designer. Or her sultry voice and knockout dance moves. Or her mere gorgeousness that got our eyes locked on her. The Survivor Philippines castaway who once was teased “Free Willy” in her teens is now a mainstay in our favorite television shows. If you’ve been living under a rock for the past years, then educate yourself with the goddess that is Solenn in her billboards, commercials, movies, and albums. She’s a hard-to-miss siren. And you’re one dumb dude if you didn’t know why she’s in this book.
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PHOTOGRAPHY: MARK NICDAO
Tantric Sex, Tera Patrick, Threesome
5
5"/53*$4&9 1. A sexual practice from India where sex is seen as a dance with no beginning and no end—but a meditative, expressive and intimate experience. 2. A style of lovemaking that teaches couples how to extend the peak of their sexual ecstasy so women and men can experience several orgasms in a single sexual encounter.
'*7&/054041*3*56"-406/%*/( 5"/53*$4&9104*5*0/4 "43&"% */$04.0."(";*/& ”Row His Boat” ”Rock-a-Bye Booty” ”Wow-Him Powow” ”Tub Tangle” ”Get Down On It”
5&3"1"53*$,
Now retired, we still miss the early-millennium adult film star, who’s given enough boners to qualify for the AVN Hall of Fame and an Exxxotica Lifetime Achievement Award. We dig up some dirt—interesting dirt, to be sure—on one of the world’s favorite adult entertainers. Her first pro job was in Tokyo. No, it wasn’t porn. As a mixedheritage Brit-Thai gal, Tera had the exotic looks for the modeling industry. Her first modeling gig was at the age of 13 in Omotesando. She admits to going wild in Japan at 14: losing her virginity to a photographer, club hopping, drug addiction, and meeting groupies. By then, as she said in an interview, “I woke up one day with 34D breasts!” She studied microbiology. Which means she’s probably smarter than us. After her pre-teen modeling, she went to college to study microscopic forms of life, and became an actual nurse before being lured back into the modeling industry and being discovered by Playboy. She was contractually faithful to her ex-husband. When she married rocker Evan Seinfeld in early 2004, a clause in her contract read no men were allowed to perform with her on cam except her husband. (Girls were welcome though) In an interview, Seinfeld says of the experience: “Watching my wife have sex with another man was the strangest thing I’ve experienced...it was like facing all my fears at once.” He also admitted getting turned on by it. By 2006, Tera was free to work with other male leads.
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5)3&&40.& 1. Intercourse between—as the term suggests—three people. Unlike sex with just one person, threesomes rely on more than just pakiramdaan, sometimes requiring advanced preparation as to whether all three parties will consent to the exchange of good time and bodily fluids. 2. Also called menage a trois .
She dislikes anal sex. She’s had an onscreen anal moment with her ex Evan, plus a “3 anals, 3 facials” film with stars Tommy Gunn and Jean Val Jean, and an “all anal” feature called Teradise Island—but really there’s part of her that’s a prude. “Girls now are doing double and triple anal movies out of the gate...[Back then,] we could hold that back for a year or two,” she says in an interview with XCritic.
She spearheaded the ‘Asian girl’ type “When I first came in, there were only two Asian girls in the industry,” she claims in an interview with MTV. She broke out of the industry chokehold by getting exclusive with one company, taking control of her content, setting up her own website, and finally cashing out just before the Internet took over. Axel Braun, director of porn parodies like Spider-Man XXX called her “the last porn star”.
Tongue, Tonsil
50/(6&
If that flap in your mouth was made just for tasting, then it should have looked more simpler. Instead, it flicks and rolls and turns you into KISS’s Gene Simmons in the presence of a woman’s nether-upholstery. The tongue, anatomically speaking, is all muscle. And unlike other muscles in our body, we are very much in control of how we want our tongues to move. From French kissing to cunnilingus, we can fairly say that our tongues sex us up good.
NOT MADE IN FRANCE
Although believed to have originated in France, Brits coined the term “French kissing” after WW I when they brought home what they “learned” from France.
TONGUE IN
SEX
…As for cunnilingus, well, it’s been around since the ancient Egyptians.
HOW CUNNING! The term “cunnilingus” originated from the Latin “cunnus”, which is a term for a woman’s vulva.
TONGUE WORKOUT According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the most difficult tongue twister goes “The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.”
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50/4*-
There’s nothing sexy about the tonsil? Oh, come on, you’re not thinking creatively enough.
TONSIL’S BEST WORK In 69 You try to find the “little man in the canoe”, she joysticks your “little bishop in a turtleneck” so it hits her tonsils. Everybody wins. In blowjobs Three words: See “Deep Throat”
CELEBRITY TONSILS It used to be conventional wisdom that oral sex was safe as buttons. If you wanted to avoid the specter of diseases, blowjobs were acceptable. But you know better. And so does Micheal Douglas (aka Mr. Catherine Zeta-Jones). His latest revelation: his throat cancer may have been caused by oral sex, acquired via the human papilloma virus (HPV), presumably, from eating out Mrs. Douglas.
CHECK IT! Symptoms of infection from oral sex include sore throat, oral lesions, cold sores, or... yes, tonsilitis.
Underboob, Underwear, women’s
6
PHOTOGRAPHY: XANDER ANGELES
6/%&3#00#
Breast described—er, best described as the slight exposure of the under-part of a woman’s mammaries. It’s a term that is revolutionizing the industry of sexy. Are men sick of seeing breasts from the traditional angle? Well, not really. But as far as we’re concerned, this is the new rule of thumb. This is the new zeitgeist of anything and everything scintillating. This is the new cleavage.
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The delicately light garment women wear under their other clothes, often next to the skin, to shape the body and provide support for their, uhm, goods. Women’s underwear usually consists of a brassiere (sando bra, sports bra, regular bra) and a panty (bikini, G-string, tanga, thong, granny panties)
Valerie Concepcion, Viva Hotbabes, Viagra
PHOTOGRAPHY: DOC MARLON PECJO
7"-&3*& $0/$&1$*0/
Valerie Concepcion would be the first to admit that making the first move isn’t one of her strong suits. It doesn’t even matter if you’ve got her intrigued and you’re within an easy “Hi-Hello!” away—she won’t budge because in her defense, she just can’t help but let the timid Val get the best of her. “ Tutupi talaga ako,” she says of situations that involve her and meeting guys. But there’s a palpable magnetism to her that draws you in and you fully allow it even at the risk of being involuntarily snubbed.
7
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Sildenafil, the generic name for Viagra, was initially invented as a drug to treat angina, a heart condition where you experience chest pain due to poor blood circulation. When it was released in 1998, it became the object of affection for a few dick jokes. Now, it has become one of the leading drugs to treat erectile dysfunction. The condition that prevents men from getting a hard-on usually sets in at 40 years old. The presence of this drug means that we’ll all be having sex kahit maputi na ang buhok natin. By that measure, Viagra is probably the best drug in the world.
SNIKO VILLEGAS OF EDGE OF LIGHT, ALBERT LABRADOR
7*"(3"
During the early to mid 2000s, the Viva Hot Babes were unanimously the country’s premiere wet dream. The collective sex appeal of Andrea del Rosario, Maui Taylor, Katya Santos, Gwen Garci, Sheree, Jen Rosendahl, Myles Hernandez, Kristine Jaca, Pam Sarmiento, and Hazel Cabrera was a national phenomenon each and every Juan hoped would last forever. From singing those last-song-syndrome inducing jingles to making those titillating soft porn, VHB crossed over mediums like it was the most natural thing to do.
Vixen, Vixen, Premiere
7*9&/4 13&. 7*9&/ 1. A female fox. 2. The colloquial term for a racy woman who engages in arousing activites. 3. A group of saucy ladies associated with a skin contest and condom brand (See: Premiere Vixen)
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PAULENE SO
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As close to a version of StarStruck or Star Circle Quest as this rag will ever get. The condom brand ran an annual Vixens’ search between 2009 until 2012, featuring women in a competition promoting safe sex, and taking off their clothes one elimination at a time. Some even allowing kuhol to cover their body (ex: Carla Bianca in 2009) for art and competition’s sake. Until the competition churns out a winner tagged as the “Ultimate Vixen”.
KAREN BORDADOR
LINDA PERSSON
RED DELA CRUZ
PHOTOGRAPHY: RIA REGINO, EJAY LEUNG, PAOLO PINEDA
Wingman Principle, Working Women
8 8*/(."/13*/$*1-&
1. A traditional military flying pattern in which a single fighter jet flies in the lead, and a second aircraft maneuvers behind it or at the sidelines as aerial combat support. 2. In dating, a social wingman is typically a bro, preferably a not-handsome and/ or taken friend sent in for pre-game reconnaissance. Typical male wingmen duties involve talking up his bro to make him look attractive to the other sex. Female wingmen on the other hand, deflect attention from their “pilots” when unattractive guys come hitting. Outside the dating scene, a wingman also refers to any good friend who habitually comes through, and generally “has your back.”
8)"5(3&"5#304:06)"7& Fine examples of wingmen-hood in pop culture
BARNEY TO TED How I met your Mother
MERCUTIO TO ROMEO Romeo and Juliet
SPOCK TO KIRK StarTrek
WATSON TO SHERLOCK Sherlock Holmes
GOOSE TO MAVERICK Top Gun
LUIGI TO MARIO Super Mario Brothers
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803,*/(80.&/ PHOTOGRAPHY: XANDER ANGELS OF EDGE OF LIGHT; ILLUSTRATIONS: JAMES ANDRES
Ishmael Bernal showed us that even diligent ladies can look as dashing as his cast in his ‘80s hit flick Working Girls. Decades later, Destiny’s Child proclaimed to the world that independent ladies are sexy. Yes, we get it, there’s nothing more attractive than a girl who’s got brains (and sipag) with beauty (and body) on the sides.
"5 3& "5'03 803,*/( 80.& / &7&3: 8)&3& Wondering how you can reward your hardworking babe? Pay her a visit in her office, maybe? Or simulate these office positions at home
Standing Doggy
Scissors
Love Seat
X, XX, XXX (rating)
9
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.JEmT The birth of X-rated flicks began in 1965 in the US. A movie was slapped with a single “X” rating by the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) if it was deemed “for adults only,” which meant: implied or staged intercourse, sex-related nudity, hard language, drugs, and the abuse of other elements, basically, today’s Restricted or R-rated films.
&BSMZmT Because MPAA’s rating were untrademarked and free to use, the porn industry gets in on the act, and most porn movies started branding themselves X-rated. 1971’s Sweet Sweetback’s Badasssss Song gives itself an X rating. Porn classic Deep Throat (1972) even copies the exact typography of Midnight Cowboy ’s X-rated logo. The Erotic Adventures of Zorro (1972) even pokes fun at the whole thing by giving itself a Z-rating.
-BUFmT The rating also soon became effective arthouse branding, when critic darlings Midnight Cowboy and A Clockwork Orange became cinematic gold standards, despite their “X” ratings.
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THE TRIPLE-X FACTOR Naturally, an XXX rating didn’t really exist in the MPAA...it was just another clever marketing gimmick from adult entertainment big shots. Starlet (1969) is probably the first movie to use the XXX “rating”—a film “so adult one X is not enough”, as its tagline went. Tony Comstock of The Atlantic thinks the marketing eggheads copied the Australian classification of beer, which at one time ran from X (weakest) to XXX (strongest).
.JEUPMBUFmT Hollywood realizes it’s fighting a losing battle as people begin to associate the rating with snuff flicks. Last Tango in Paris (1973) becomes the last major Hollywood production marked with an X. Just like it would do to the Internet 40 years later, the porn industry completely takes over the X-rating.
mTPOXBSET In 1990, the MPAA decides to use the rating “NC-17” to label adult-only films.
X-Ray Vision, Xerex Xaviera
93":7*4*0/ All men have it. Here’s how it works:
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ILLUSTRATIONS: JAMES ANDRES
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In the age when obtaining pornographic material meant digging through your dad’s stash or taking a notso-clandestine trip to the neighborhood video rental shop (aka the ‘90s), Xerex Xaviera kept the blood of Filipino males boiling. The column had regular titles such as “Bahay-bahayan” and “Sexperience,” and ran daily in the tabloid Abante Tonite.
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The column was responsible for expanding the vocabulary of the local male population when it came to euphemisms for sex organs. “Puerta” and “ari” were the classics. “Kargada,” “batuta” and “hiyas” were also staples.
Libiran picked the name Xerex Xaviera because he wanted something that was androgynous. Over the span of the column’s existence, people who sent letters to the tabloid would address Xerex as either “ate” or “kuya” depending on which sex they felt more comfortable addressing. Libiran also chose Xerex Xaviera because he wanted a name that had 3 Xs on it. Did you spot that? Give yourself a hand. Today, he spends most of his time shooting indie movies about Tondo.
# & 5 5 & 3 5 ) " / 5 & - & / 0 7 & - " 4 Xerex Xaviera revealed the sexual exploits of the common man. It regularly featured stories such as threesomes involving junk shop workers or casual hookups between tambays and their colegiala crushes. Of course, half of the stories that were published probably weren’t true. But a healthy imagination never hurt anybody.
5 )& . " / # & )*/% 9 & 3 & 9 The man who sired the column is journalist/activist/ filmmaker Jim Libiran. He is credited for starting, naming, and ghostwriting a large part of the column, but there was a time when there was a three-man rotation of writers.
PHOTOGRAPHY: MIKE KALIWARA, RENE MEJIA
Yoga
Stretching exercises meant to enhance flexibility and strengthen the spine. We have yoga to thank for coming up with largely sexuallooking poses that today’s modern, mostly female practitioners are figuring into. Since its inception in India, modern-day yoga has branched out to different styles. Like yoga practiced in an only 32-degree room (Bikram yoga) or done suspended with cloths of some sort (Anti-gravity yoga). The sexiest thing about yoga though, isn’t the styles but the poses and their strangely animal-sex suggestive names. Downward dog anyone?
PHOTOGRAPHY: DOC MARLON PECJO
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(Bidalasana)
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(Adho Mukha Svanasana)
(Bhujangasana)
ILLUSTRATIONS: JAMES ANDRES
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Zeroes, Zippers, Zohan
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Zeroes are strains of males who have little to zero cash (hence, the name) in their bank accounts, but often (not always) have plucky personalities. For examples, see any male telenovela bida.
3*$)" /%6(-:03 1003: & 5) " /%40.& Pulse Asia Inc. held a survey to answer this dilemma in 2010 to see which option comes on top when considering a lifetime partner. The result: 52 percent of men don’t mind a good-looking laki sa hirap woman in true Good Guy mode, while 57 percent of women were cold-hearted enough to vote for the ugly rich dude.
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;*11&3 A commonly used device for binding the edges of an opening of fabric or other flexible material, as on a garment or a bag. Other than that, Sam Pinto made the sexiest pitch for its proper use in an ad for a brand of sandwich crackers: “Zipper mo, bukas!” According to a study published by the British Journal of Urology International, it is estimated that 17,616 people wound up in U.S. emergency rooms over the last decade because they caught their genitals, almost always penises, in zippers. Ouch. Baka hindi pa tuli. Number of references to Ben Stiller in There's Something About Mary when we Googled "zipper scene": 9.
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Men would do well to learn from Adam Sandler’s 2008 fictional Israeli-counter terrorist character who fakes his own death in order to start a new life pursuing his dreams as a hairdresser. No, we don’t mean every man needs to become a hairdresser, too. Zohan Dvir is a hit with the ladies young and old, can make any occupation look manly, and can crush his enemies to a pulp. He’s one man to take lessons from because as everyone knows, “You don’t mess with the Zohan.”
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' ). 4 & 9 : 1 & %*" 5 )&# " #& 4
Classic Beauties Dina Bonnevie (24) Eula Valdes (28) Francine Prieto (36) Gaby De La Merced (42) G Tongi (40) Iwa Moto (52) Jamilla Obispo (56) Joanne Quintas & Jackie Forster (58) Karen Montelibano (62) Paloma (86) Patricia Javier (88) Rica Peralejo (98) Valerie Concepcion (118)
Fresh Faces Bela Padilla (12) Ellen Adarna (26) Empress (30) Jackie Rice (54) LJ Reyes (70) Niña Jose (78) Ritz Azul (100) Yam Concepcion (128)
Philippines Finest Angel Locsin (6) Cristine Reyes (20) Diana Zubiri (24) Katrina Halili (66) Marian Rivera (74) Sam Pinto (102) Sunshine Cruz (108)
Models Bianca King (14) Cristina Garcia (18) Lovi Poe (72) Ornusa Cadness (85) Solenn Heussaff (110)
WHAT IS
. :(*3 - ' 3 *& /%
4&9:
Her Body Ass (2) Breast (9) G-spot (38) Legs (68) Lips (69) Nipples (80) Tongues(114) Tonsils (115) Underboob (116)
FOR YOU?
5 )& %& & % Foreplay (34) Bedroom(10) Fellatio (34) Deep Throat (22) Kissing (66) The Main Event Intercourse, science of (50) One-night stands (83) Positions, sexual (94) Sixty nine (106) Tantric Sex (112) Quickie (97)
.& *n.5 0 5" - -:4& 9 : Hands (44) Horniness Meter (47) Lust (73) New Pogi (78)
Attraction, rules of (3) Erection (32) Girth (39)
Pheromones (89) Zeroes (132)
4 $ 3 "5 $) 5 ) "5 * /& & % ) & - 1 Desperation moves (22)
Orgasm (84) Ejaculate (34) Jizz (58) Onanism (82)
I need my bros Quark/Quentin (96) Ron Jeremy (100) Ramon Revilla, Sr. (98) Zohan (132)
Feeling Kinky? BDSM (8) Deviance, sexual (23) Fetish (36) Threesome (114) Swingers (106)
Trade tools Condoms (18) Dildo (24) Viagra (118) Prophylactics (90) Boxers vs Briefs (12) X-ray vision (126)
Wingman principle (122)
I need to go somewhere Afterparty (2) Endings, happy (28) Girlfriend experience (40) KTV (66) Massage Parlors (76) Pole-dancing (87) Working women Illicit, Sex (48)
General Hotness Beauty Queens (10) Colegialas & Cheerleaders (18) Mommas, Hot (76) Viva Hot Babes (118) Vixen (120) Vixen, Premiere (120)
The Internet Hottie, 100% (45) Instagram (48) Poking (86) Sexting (104) Sexy selfies (105)
Watch out for AIDS (4) Cunts (16) Nymphomania (81) Tera Patrick (112)
What she wears Bikini (10) Underwear, women’s (116) Schoolgirl uniforms (104) Zippers (133)
Works of art (4) Erotica (30) Fifty Shades of Grey (37) Hentai (46) Japan special (55) Kama Sutra (62) K-pop (60) Pornography (92) Xerex 127) X-, XX-, XXXratings (124) Yoga, sexual (130)
The brain is your biggest and best sex organ! Here’s why: l signa a s d h n It se od to rus lo b is, for r pen here, u o y to t t eep i n k d n a a g you givin n. Strong s io an erect right me p and u for sex! ready
ou u re y s s a e l Th e p f ro m s e x i l e x p e deriv ult of com s t h e re ro c e s s e s — p s b o d y e ro m o n e h p f ro m s m s — a l l a y t o o rg l e d b y g r a ol contr r! matte
it work , you u o y If gh e n o u t y, d r a h it me w rt. b e c o a n d s m a y, a , funny like to s n n a e Wo m r s m a r t t h o t n e “bett If they’re p o g i .” y o u r u l e ! , lying
').4&9:1&%*" fills your brain with essential information you’ll find useful in your quest to get lucky with the jiggy! And if you’re still not getting any, at least you’ll be smarter after going through our dirty A-Z. Because they don’t teach these things in Sex Ed! FHM-14-01
CONTENTS ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR MINORS
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