February 15, 2017 | Author: The University Daily Kansan | Category: N/A
SEX on the
HILL THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010
2 / SEX ON THE HILL
/ thursday, November 18, 2010 / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / kansan.com
Note from the editor By SARAH KELLY
[email protected]
I
talk about sex a lot. Consider it an occupational hazard. The other day I found myself sitting in Chipotle, discussing orgasms over the phone. Six months ago, I would have been mortified, but now it’s just part of my job. Editing Sex on the Hill has prompted some of the most uncomfortable conversations of my life. But it’s also forced me to get over my hang-ups about sex. Now I can discuss just about anything without blushing. That’s the beauty of Sex on the Hill: It makes people talk about sex. This issue has plenty of information about protecting yourself from STDs and unplanned pregnancy, but there’s more to healthy sexuality than just that. Part of the college experience is figuring out what we like, who we like, and how we like it — and how to nagivate the tricky social situations that surround our sex lives. So in addition to the medical stuff, you’ll find stories about sexual identity, relationships, hooking up, abstinence, the “walk of shame,” and even a sexy-time playlist. To have a healthy sex life, you’ll need to get comfortable with your sexuality. Openly discussing tough topics — even if you have to giggle through it — is the best way to overcome sheepishness. I hope something in this issue gets you talking.
Table of contents Health Q&A............ 3 STDs..................... 3 International.......... 4 Culture column....... 4 Female sexuality..... 4 Abstinence.............5 PDA...................... 5 Hooking up............ 6 Label column......... 6 Pansexuality.......... 7 Plan B pill.............. 7 Coworkers............ 10 Coming out...........11 Long distance........12 Online dating........12 Sex playlist........... 13 Myths debunked....13 Shacking..............14
Photo illustration by Adam Buhler/KANSAN
Cover photo illustration by Adam Buhler/KANSAN
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KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / Thursday, November 18, 2010 /
SEX ON THE HILL / 3
health
College years pose increased risk Watkins estimates 1 in 4 students will contract an STD while enrolled at the University Geoffrey Calvert
Control. “It’s our belief that 1 out of 4 sexually active KU students will get It is no secret that many college an STD through unprotected interstudents are sexually active, and course. We call it a grassfire,” said many are not monogamous. While Patty Quinlan, supervisor of nurssex is a fun activity for college ing at Watkins Memorial Health students, it carries with it potential Center. Some of the commonly transharmful consequences, most notamitted STDs are HIV/AIDS, bly sexually transmitted diseases. Young adults aged 15 to 24 are at genital herpes, syphilis and gonthe highest risk of contract- orrhea. STDs are transmitted not ing an STD, accord- only through vaginal sex, but ing to the Center for also through anal and oral sex. D i s e a s e According to Quinlan, chlamydia and HPV are the most common STDs and the easiest ones to spread to another person. “They’re transmitted easily because of the makeup of the virus and bacteria,” Quinlan said. While abstinence is the most surefire way to protect against transmitting or receiving an STD, many students have sex anyway. But one practical way for students to avoid contracting an STD is to use a condom. The CDC has determined that using a condom is effective in lowering the risk for transmitting STDs that are “Genital warts, HPV passed along through crossand syphilis are transcontact of flumitted skin-to-skin, and ids. “C ondoms condoms can’t always are an effecprotect against those.” tive barrier if intact and used Patty quinlan appropriately. Watkins nursing supervisor They are effective only for the areas that it covers. Genital warts, HPV and syphilis are transmitted
[email protected]
Photo illustration by Chris Bronson
Q&A
Expert answers frequently asked questions about sex By Taylor Lewis
[email protected]
The scene is familiar. Boy meets girl. Boy invites girl back to his room. And things progress from there. But the hook-up doesn’t end in the morning. According to Patty Quinlan, nursing supervisor at Watkins Memorial Health Center, students are facing multiple sexual health problems nowadays. She said it’s important for students to take some factors into consideration before their next fling. What should students consider before having sex? Be comfortable enough to carry a condom with you, be it in your wallet or your purse. It’s equally as important for the females and the males to be carrying condoms. What is the biggest sexual health concern that students are facing today? Well, the biggest concern is contracting sexually transmitted
infections. I feel like they’re easily spread. We treat a good number of students who get sexually transmitted infections. Very common is chlamydia and genital warts. What are the symptoms of those STIs? If you have any vaginal or penile discharge — it may be discolored or just a larger amount than normal — pain on intercourse, or pain in general. Sometimes they’re not symptomatic and that’s not helpful, so the infection can grow worse and they don’t know they have it. Also, they should look for any lumps or bumps that weren’t there before in the vaginal area or around the penis. How can students avoid these problems? Become comfortable discussing having sex with a partner and there are many ways to do that. They could role-play with their friends. They could seek out a professional or their physician, any person they feel comfortable to talk about something as intimate
Sexual health resources on campus • Ask-a-Nurse: 785-8649583 • Women’s Health: 785864-9566 • Health Education Resource • Office: 785-864-9470 as sexual relations so they can become comfortable discussing it before having a sexual relationship. That helps avoid being in a situation where you’re too uncomfortable to ask that condoms or dental dams be used. Most times, students are in a position to be able to contract a STI because they’re not comfortable talking about it. It’s super important to me that individuals become comfortable being able to discuss sex prior to the encounter. — Edited by Clark Goble
skin, and condoms can’t always protect against those,” Quinlan said. “Nothing will protect you if you’re having unprotected sex.” Two forms of HPV — the highrisk forms that can lead to cancer — can be preempted by the Gardasil vaccine. Syphilis can be treated with antibiotic injections, according to the CDC. Many places in Lawrence offer free condoms, including two locations on the KU campus, the Queers and Allies office and the Student Union Association, both located on the fourth floor of the Kansas Union. “It’s worthwhile to have one available at your bedside,” Quinlan said. “It’s too easy to come by to not have one available.” It‘s important to know how to correctly use a condom, or it is useless in protecting against STDs. According to the University’s Hawk Health website, 15 percent of condom failures occur because the condom was used incorrectly. Oil-based lubricants, such as Vaseline or baby oil, can damage condoms. Use only water-based lubricants. And carrying a condom in a wallet or a back pocket for an extended period of time can cause condom damage. “There can be damage to the condom that the naked eye can’t see. Viruses are microscopic so they penetrate even if the condom seems safe,” Quinlan said. “Condoms should have an expiration date.” Vaginal sex isn’t the only way to contract an STD. Oral sex also carries a risk, though a smaller one than vaginal or anal sex. According to the CDC, some of the diseases
Where to find free condoms Campus Queers & Allies Office: Kansas Union, fourth floor Student Union Activities: Kansas Union, fourth floor Downtown Java Break: 17 E. Seventh St. 8th Street Tap Room: 801 New Hampshire St. Henry’s Coffee House: 11 E. Eighth St. The Third Planet: 846 Massachusetts St. Replay Lounge: 946 Massachusetts St. Jazzhaus: 926.5 Massachusetts St. Source: Douglas County AIDS Project
that can be contracted through oral sex include HIV, herpes, genital warts, syphilis, gonorrhea and hepatitis A. Some factors that lead to contracting or transmitting STDs are genital sores, bleeding gums and oral ulcers. — Edited by David Cawthon
4 / SEX ON THE HILL
/ thursday, November 18, 2010 / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / kansan.com
international
commentary
European outlook is more open
Foreign students face culture clash about sex, dating BY HANNAH WISE
graduate student from
[email protected] ville, Democratic Republic of the Congo. Marriage, sometimes arPicture this: a man has feelings ranged by the parents, is expected for a woman. He tells his mother of every woman in the Congo. “You can’t make it official when about these feelings before going out to get coffee with the woman. you have a boyfriend. You just The mother gives her blessing and hide, your family doesn’t have to the man proceeds to approach the know about it because it is really young lady about meeting at a cof- disrespectful. So we don’t introduce our boyfriend to our parfee shop. The day of the proposed “date” ents. Whatever you are doing you arrives and the young lady and her just do it away from your family. brother are there waiting. They all Most families when they find out, The rules of dating and sexual morals are sometimes more complicated for international students. talk and have a good time and then you get blamed seriously and there return to their homes. This story is are some families that will go to starts to get interested in some- ies the most. Yiming Che is a gradjust one example of how relation- see the boy’s parents and tell them body else, they try to make it kind uate student from Beijing, China. about it and see if they can stop it,” of formal. I would as my parents, “In my high school I just knew ships in the Islamic world exist. my father, my mom, especially in to study. Before college our parents Students at the University of Assinga said. This is very different from Ibra- Palestine, where I am from, you and teachers told us everything we Kansas come from many different backgrounds. This is especially him Alanqar, a senior from Pales- start with the mom. She will go and could and we should do. I always true for the more than 1,000 in- tine. In the Middle Eastern culture ask about the person, ‘Is she a good liked the boys, but our parents and ternational students ranging in and Muslim faith, one’s family and girl?’ ‘Is it a good family?’ and then teachers told us it was bad for our countries of origin from China to the respect of family is extremely after that we can probably make it studies,” Che said. Sexual education is a part of Jamaica to Zambia. Each culture important. It is important for every official.” When Jalashree Mehta, a sopho- growing up for Americans, but has its own view on what is per- action by a couple to be announced missible and taboo when it comes to the rest of the community so more from Mumbai, India, decides that’s not always the case in other to start dating someone, it will be parts of the world. to speaking about dating and sex that a person’s status is clear. “If a guy starts to see a lady and with the idea that she will want to Ivan Babkov, a sophomore, was and then more different views on people haven’t heard that they are marry him. born in St. Petersburg, Russia, but the actions. together, then “It is kind of an unwritten ex- immigrated to Lansing, Mich., For Amerirumors will pectation that people have that if when he was 11. He can still recans, dating start and that we are together, that we should try member many differences between generally means “Normal girls don’t know is a huge deal. to make this work no matter what, Russian and American sexual edugoing out with something about sex Because if say unless it is like a really bad situa- cation. the other persomeone else is tion,” Mehta said. “On an average, “Up to the point where I was in son, perhaps because parents and interested, but most people in India wait till they school, it was nonexistent. It all deto grab someteachers never taught us he heard these get married to have sex. Marriage pended upon the family that you thing to eat and rumors, then is considered to be so sacred and grew up with. You would have to see a movie. about it.” he will think, holy that once you do get married learn from the world around you,” There may be ‘Okay, I prob- to a person, that is when you want Babkov said. two people or Yeming Che ably should to open up and become one. DoTeen pregnancies in the United a group going Beijing graduate student stay away.’ ing that before you get married, States have recently been glamorout, it does not That is why it and then it doesn’t work out, you ized in a sense by shows such as really matter. is important became one with a person and MTV’s “Teen Mom.” However, still The individuals generally do not tell their the people make things official and then if you separate you lose part many young women all over the world have unplanned pregnancies parents right off, at least until they clean so that nothing goes wrong,” of yourself.” In many Asian cultures, students and they all deal with them differknow that “it is serious.” This is Alanqar said. “That is why, when a person are expected to focus on their stud- ently. not the case for Hestie Assinga, a
By Caroline Bledowski
[email protected]
Photo illustration by Ben Pirotte/KANSAN
“I know five girls who took an abortion,” Che said. “If you are a teenager you are still a kid and you cannot control your life. I never heard a girl stop her studies for a baby. Normal girls don’t know something about sex because parents and teachers never taught us about it. We don’t know how to protect ourselves. That is why so many girls get an abortion.” Assinga said unplanned pregnancies occur in the Congo and the girls are expected to keep the child. “We have a lot of teens now getting pregnant,” Assinga said. “When you get pregnant and your family knows about it, they will take you to your boy’s family and they will have to take care of you because they have responsibility.” Even with the differences in culture between the United States and the rest of the world, when it comes to actually going out on a date, the activities really do not change all that much. The main differences occur in how to handle the relationships within the family and what is socially acceptable. — Edited by Clark Goble
society
Women still face obstacles on track to sexual fulfillment By Noopur Goel
[email protected]
Cirilla’s manager Allison Ortego has noticed a trend in her customers. “Older couples are a little more experimental,” Ortego said. “They usually end up buying porn together, toys like anal toys and vibrators.” Ortego has also noticed that older couples are more likely to try out fetishes such as bondage. She says that most people don’t get into bondage until their 30s or 40s. The closest the college-aged group gets is buying fuzzy handcuffs. “I can usually spot them when they walk in the door,” Ortego said. “People that want to try something new but they’re kind of scared. They usually don’t want leather harnesses or anything.” Ortego says that the most common items for a college-age woman to buy is a vibrator or vibrating cock ring. Although some women are conformable buying these items at a store, others are still uneasy with the idea. “Its kinda like buying tampons,” said Sera Lanzer, a freshman from Overland Park. “Every girl does it, but still we’re always afraid of who
we’re going to see at the store.” The results of the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, published in October’s Journal of Sexual Medicine, give evidence of the discomfort women have with their own sexuality. The survey was conducted at Indiana University to honor the 60th anniversary of the Kinsey Reports, which were conducted at that very institution. The Kinsey Reports were constructed by Dr. Alfred Kinsey in the 1930s and 40s after extensive research on the American sexual experience. Kinsey’s findings shocked the nation, and revealed some interesting insight into what really happens behind the closed doors of an American bedroom. The results of the NSSHB also reveal some new and intriguing data about sex in America. According to the NSSHB, masturbation is the sexual activity men experience the most throughout their lifetime, while vaginal intercourse is most common for women. “That sounds about right,” Lanzer said. “Men don’t need anyone else to masturbate, they can just do it themselves, and women don’t really think of sex much out-
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side of vaginal sex.” The NSSHB revealed that 61 to 63 percent of men in the collegegoing age group have masturbated in the past month, while only 26 to 43 percent of college women have done the same. Graduate student Jordan Wade believes that this may be because of the societal constructs on women. “Women aren’t supposed to be sexuality inclined,” Wade said. “The female orgasm was only acknowledged in the past few years. I think we’re a little behind on that.” The director of women, gender, and sexuality studies, John Younger, agrees with the sentiment that society affects how a woman views herself. “Society expects women to service men sexually,” Younger said. “And since men have an orgasm time that is really, really short, women are often sexually unsatisfied, and they are taught that that is OK.” Younger believes there is always a power dynamic involved with sex, and society usually reserves that power for the men. He points to an example of an exercise he often assigns to his introductory archaeology classes. He asks the students to create their own deity,
and every now and then, he comes across a student, usually female, who has created a penis god. “The first time I ran across this I thought, ‘Oh my god, this woman is so socialized she thinks the most important thing is a phallus,” Younger said. This power that women give to men can be expressed in various ways. “One is to be sexually repressed, so that the man has control,” Younger said. “Another is to be slut-like and to service the men, because that’s what men want.” To escape from this power dynamic, many women choose to experiment with same-sex sexual experiences, a phemomenon seen not only in the current era, but also throughout history. “Men are out there in the marketplace doing this, this and this, shacking up with young boys,” Younger said. “What is the woman going to do but, hey, find herself a girlfriend. This has been written about for 180 years.” The NSSHB recently reported that 10 percent of women between the ages of 16 and 49 have participated in a same-sex experience in the past year. “It is socially OK for two girls to
make out at a party and not be considered lesbians,” said Pedro Lopez, a sophomore from Prairie Village. Societal acceptance seems to be the most influential element that determines how comfortable a woman is with her sexuality. When society tells her it is not okay to masturbate she doesn’t do it. But when society tells her it is okay to have relations with another woman, she has no problem experimenting with it. The NSSHB, like the original Kinsey Reports, seeks to educate the nation about what is actually occurring around the country. Perhaps knowing that they are not alone in certain sexual experimentation will allow women to widen their view on “acceptable” sexual behavior, and become more comfortable with their own sexuality. “Knowledge and open discussion are the path to societal change that lead us away from viewing sexuality primarily in negative terms and towards viewing sexuality as a part of life that is wholesome and pleasurable,” said former Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders in her introduction for the NSSHB journal article. — Edited by Michael Bednar
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ike many American teenagers, I grew up watching movies like “EuroTrip” with its Dutch dominatrix, and “American Pie” with its naughty Czech exchange student Nadia. But unlike American teenagers, I could have been one of those sexual targets. I was born in an Eastern European country — Poland — and grew up in a Western European country — Germany. I was born “Karolina Bledowska” and my accent has so far been described as a mixture of German-PolishMidwestern-American-English. According to frequent European stereotypes in movies, that would make me the typical American boy’s sexual dream, right? I don’t know about that. But a guy told me a few months ago that he absolutely loves women with an accent. Well, too bad I’m not into guys who love women only because of their accent. Every culture is stereotyped by other cultures. It’s our way of understanding each culture and simplifying their usually complex heritage. Often though, stereotypes only lead to misconceptions and false accusations, as is certainly the case with the stereotype of the sexually available and promiscuous European woman. Europeans have fewer sexual partners than Americans, which makes them less promiscuous. A study published in Family Planning Perspectives in 2001 compared the sexual activity, safety, sexual disease and teen pregnancy rates of the U.S. and five European countries. It found not only more promiscuity, but also a higher teen pregnancy rate, less use of contraceptives and a higher level of STDs in the U.S. A similar study by Advocates for Youth later in the decade showed that teen pregnancy is four times higher in the U.S. than in Germany. The U.S. abortion rate per 1,000 women is twice as high as in Germany, even though abortion has serious restrictions in some states, but is completely legal in all of Germany. The latter study concluded that the European countries with lower rates — Germany, France, and the Netherlands — all emphasize mandatory sexual education in school and value the individual as a sexual being with needs and desires. Those countries find information on sex and safety more important than opinions by religious groups or personal preferences. These are the same reasons I would give for the creation of the common female European stereotype. The European woman is confident and educated in her sexuality because her culture is more open to communication about sex and accepts sexual activity and experimentation in youth. In school, I received mandatory sex education, including two extra sessions on HIV, one of which was in the local center for drug addicts. In magazines, I saw pictures of nude men and women in non-suggestive poses, which showed me the various types of human bodies rather than the “ideal” body generated by advertising. In those magazines, I also read about common questions and problems surrounding teen sexuality even before I decided to have sex. When I was ready, I knew that I didn’t have to lie about it, not even to my parents. I grew up in a society that treats sex as a part of life, not as a sin or marital duty. I grew up with enough information on sexual health to fill an abortion clinic. And I’m glad I grew up in a society that let me ask any question I wanted without being judged as immoral or indecent, even when I asked my parents about the first time they had sex (although I still don’t know what had gotten into me that day). — Bledowski is a graduate student from Cracow, Poland, in journalism.
KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010 /
SEX ON THE HILL / 5
Abstinence
Celibate students put the brakes on sex, for now
Jacklyn Baillergeon
[email protected]
As sex becomes a more open subject in society, it seems abstinence is less practiced than generations before. So that must mean everyone around is having sex, right? Wrong. While the Center for Disease Control and Prevention reports 55 percent of college students have sex every month, Milton Wendland, a doctoral student in American Studies and a graduate teaching assistant in women, gender and
sexuality studies, said the actual number could be lower. “We don’t have any reliable numbers for how many college students are engaging in sexual activity because ‘sexual activity’ means different things to different people,” Wendland said. Students have a variety of reasons for avoiding sex, ranging from religious and moral reasons to health and safety concerns. There are also emotional reasons. “Abstinence can offer some reduction of health risks, like STDs,” Wendland said. This is only true if
one abstains 100 percent from all physical contact with another person. Kissing and oral sex can still open the possibility for transmission of STDs. Wendland said there were additions to the physical benefits of remaining abstinent. “For some people abstinence can offer a mental health benefit as well,” Wendland said. “If you aren’t ready to be physically Howard Ting/KANSAN intimate w i t h anyone, then sexual activity may cause a great deal of emotional distress or guilt.” Paul Johnson, a freshman from Wichita, said he had more than one reason for staying abstinent. “Biologically, we are not made to have multiple sex partners, and we are much less likely to get STDs or unwanted pregnancies if we practice abstinence,” Johnson said. Johnson added that he stays celibate for moral reasons. “Sex is a sacred act that must be respected and saved for the right person,” Johnson said. “If we cannot wait to have sex with our
future spouse, how can we expect to remain faithful to them during marriage? It cannot become a pleasure-seeking habit. It should be looked at in a deeper way — as more of a self-gift for another.” Carter Zielinski, a sophomore from Overland Park, also abstains and said he hoped to find a partner with similar values. Zielinski said he believes society is over sexualized. Students in relationships are also avoiding sex. Lauren Hammond, a freshman from Shawnee, was in a long-term relationship and avoided having sex. Hammond said she believes being abstinent made her relationship stronger. “I was in a relationship because I wanted to be in one, not because of sex,” Hammond said. “You can still be close without having sex. “Every experience I’ve had with people having sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend becomes a way bigger deal, or they stay in a relationship they shouldn’t be in so they can keep having sex. I personally don’t think it’s worth it.” Along with moral and health reasons, gender roles and the pressure of being made fun of for having or not having sex also play a role in a person’s sexual behavior. “Different notions of what it is to
be a ‘real man’ or a ‘good woman’ means that it is common for men to feel pressured to be sexually active or to embellish their sexual activities, while for many women, there is a pressure to abstain from sexual activity or downplay their sexual behavior,” Wendland said. Kayla Eddins, a freshman from Lenexa, said she agreed that she has noticed many people have either claimed to be abstinent while they have been having sex or have said they have had sex while they have been practicing abstinence in order to try to fit in with the rest of society. “People who are religious or raised that way sometimes claim they’re abstinent while they’re really having sex,” Eddins said. “On the other hand, the older we get, the easier it is to try to hint that you have had sex while you really haven’t because it’s hard to be different.” Eddins said she disagreed with the notion that society would be better off if more people abstained from sex. “Abstinence shouldn’t be mandated for everyone,” Eddins said. “It’s a personal choice. You shouldn’t be ashamed of your own body. There’s not anything to be guilty of for having sex before
marriage.” Wendland also said that having sex with a significant other is not necessarily a bad thing. If both partners are informed and the sexual activity is consensual, he said it can be an incredibly pleasurable experience for the mind and body. For students who want to avoid sexual activity but still want to experience intimacy, Wendland suggested some alternatives. “There’s a full range of possibilities for producing physical and emotional pleasure without actual ‘doing it,’” Wendland said. Those possibilities included massage and cuddling, masturbation, and use of props and toys. “As long as you’re being careful and safe and know who you’re sleeping with you should be fine,” Eddins said. She suggests getting to know the person, asking about STDs, and always practicing safe sex. While Eddins believes abstinence isn’t necessary, she does have a warning for those wanting to become sexually active. “If you choose not to be abstinent you need to be OK with that decision,” Eddins said. — Edited by Anna Nordling
Ettiquette
Public displays of affection common on college campuses By Tanvi Nimkar
[email protected]
Public displays of affection are a common sight on any walk through campus — holding hands, quick kisses and hugs, make-out sessions in the open air or covertly in secret spots around campus. Typically PDA is harmless but there is a limit, for which the appropriate response is, “Get a room.” There is the cliché of deserted library stacks for romantic encounters, but there are other covert spots around campus. During a Career Services event last year, a few volunteers such as
Erin Wolfram, associate director of the University Career Center, noticed a number of students with large hickeys enter the Kansas Union from the adjacent parking garage. Wolfram was taken by surprise because she didn’t think a parking garage was a good place to make out. Although most PDA is not a crime, there are several situations where it is absolutely inappropriate. “Anything in a business or work environment is inappropriate,” Wolfram said. “Everything should be professional.” Business and academic settings are considered off-limits because
the focus must be work. Anything beyond these settings seems to be fair game. A parking garage is a sensible choice because of the dark seclusion and the fact that most people do not spend much time in the garage so the chances of being seen are slim. There is a downside to the garage as well, though. Noise echoes in the garage, so if someone happens to be wandering around, he or she could hear everything. Also there is the danger of cars driving around in the darkness of the garage. Another common spot that is not secret is the sidewalk, espe-
cially after sporting events. The dilemma occurs when people are walking back to their car after a game and in the middle of the sidewalk there is a couple making out without a care. In the crowd of people leaving, simply sidestepping the affectionate couple is harder than you may think. Often a person’s reaction to this sighting can be just as interesting as the PDA itself. Senior Jon Moore says if he saw inappropriate PDA, his first thought would be that the relationship wouldn’t last very long. Colin Barnes says he would more than likely just ignore the
couple because he has better things to do. Not all PDA is simply making out. It includes even the simplest affectionate gestures, such as holding hands or a kiss on the cheek. Most students find these gestures acceptable. For example junior Julia Miggins admits to holding hands or briefly kissing on campus. It is hard to know where to draw the line. Barnes says a hug or kiss is fine but a kiss with tongue is a bit much which is similar to Miggins’ judgement. — Edited by David Cawthon
Photo illustration by Dalton Gomez/KANSAN
PDA can be as simple as holding hands or a kiss.
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6 / SEX ON THE HILL
/ thursday, November 18, 2010 / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / kansan.com
casual encounters
Hooking up common, but not for everyone A recent study suggests casual encounters lower women’s self-esteem and raise men’s, but some students and experts disagree By Danielle Valliere
[email protected]
To hook up or not to hook up, that is the question. This question is an old one, but certainly not obsolete. Hook-ups on college campuses appear to be the norm, with up to 81 percent of college students reporting having engaged in at least one, according to a study published in Archives of Sexual Health. The study investigated the effects that casual sex has on women and men. It suggested that casual sex in women led to lower self-esteem and higher distress. Conversely, casual sex among men was linked to higher self-esteem . “I think girls go into it hoping the guy calls or texts them the next day even though they’re cool
sleeping with them the night they meet,” Allie Miller, a sophomore from Frisco, Texas said. “Guys are just thinking about the one night. Rejection causes women distress because they hook up to feel accepted. It’s fun, but girls want someone to like them and be interested in them. When the guy’s done and he’s not interested, girls get upset.” Dhyana Coil is chairwoman of the Sexuality Education Committee, a student organization that promotes healthy sexuality education. She said she did not agree with the study’s findings. “My hunch is to say that if women have lower self-esteem to begin with, then they may tend to deal with that by seeking validation with many sexual partners,” Coil said.
Coil said she did not believe men and women necessarily had different emotional reactions to sexual hook-ups. “I have female friends who are very happy to have multiple sexual partners and I have male friends who are self-described as too emotional to be able to enjoy one night stands,” she said. “I don’t think men and women are as different as our history and culture would have us think and people’s differing reactions are just more based on the individual.” And, frequently, the stresses of college make individuals seek less-stressful releases. “School’s hard enough as it is,” Miller said. “Relationships aren’t easy. Hook-ups are simple, quick, fun and not a lot of work.” In the past, a double standard
was present in society’s percep- same man to keep their number tions of men and women in rela- of sexual partners down. tion to number of sexual partners. “Girls definitely would try As a woman their hardest acquired a to get the same “I do think it is possible certain numguys to sleep with them more ber of partto emotionally distance than once,” she ners, she was oneself to avoid being said. “We’re not labeled, but like guys and a man could hurt.” don’t look for usually get meaningless sex. away with dhyana coil Sexuality Education Committee Just because I promiscuity. want to have sex “This defidoesn’t mean I nitely still exists,” Miller said. “If a guy hears want to sleep with every guy.” Some of the consequences of a girl has been with a ton of guys, he won’t even touch her. engaging in casual sex and sexual Being called ‘slutty’ or a ‘whore’ hook-ups include risks of pregreally messes with girls mentally nancy and sexually transmitted and psychologically, while guys infection, in addition to emotional damage. become the coolest dudes.” “I don’t want to get to the Miller said she thought women were likely to hook up with the point where I can’t remember the
commentary
Let’s take the shame and ‘slut’ out of sex S
ex is not just for sluts. It’s a radical statement surely, but someone has to say it. Despite what we see in movies and read about in books, sex is still regarded as something dirty and shameful. Everyone is always talking about how skanky “insert name of your friend here” was at Friday’s party or what a man-whore your biology lab partner is, basically scaring each other into thinking that sex is something for the skanks and douchey guys of the world. No one wants to be a “slut,” therefore people don’t address sex for the basic human need that it is. Sex is a primal instinct. It is encoded into our biological system. Everyone in the world does it, will do it or at the very
least is the d o e s product of society it. While it c o n is not everyd e m n thing, sex is t ho s e an integral that act part of life. on it? So why do There is we feel the no need By JEssie Blakeborough need to label to judge
[email protected] it as somee a c h thing bad? other for Sex shouldn’t be shameful and our sexual appetites. To repress it shouldn’t be “slutty.” In fact, something so natural causes I hereby revoke the use of that internal conflict and frustration. word. Wanting to have, or havJust be honest with yourself. ing sex does not make someone You can want sex just for the sake a slut. It makes you human. As of having sex. There is no need long as you practice sex in a safe to dress the issue up with a bow and healthy way, I say go forth or a relationship. You don’t have and buy condoms! to fake a deeper meaning for it. We all think about it, so why As long as both people involved
know what they are getting out of the interaction, I see nothing wrong with it. Sure, feelings are involved with sex but they don’t necessarily have to be feelings of love. Sex can work just fine on mutual feelings of attraction and the basic need itself. Now, I’m not advocating for people to go out and sleep with a new person every night — although if that is your prerogative and you are being safe about it, then you are adult enough to make your own decisions. It is important to retain a level of self-respect. Only do what you want, and what makes you happy. This is the 21st century — times have changed. No one
expects sex to wait until marriage. It is better to discover who you are and what you want before making a promise you aren’t sure you can keep. Sex does not have to be the big taboo subject that our grade school teachers made it out to be. Let’s stop the namecalling and grow up. We are all of age to make the right decision for ourselves. If all else fails, we can always stand to listen to the advice of our elders. As my good friend Marvin Gaye says, “You don’t have to worry that it’s wrong. If the spirit moves you, let me groove you good.” —Edited by Alex Tretbar
name and face and exact number of guys I’ve slept with,” Miller said. “Hooking up is perfectly fine if you’re having fun, but be smart. Don’t make it into risking STDs and pregnancies. If you’re old enough to have sex, you’re old enough to be smart about it, too.” Coil said ultimately, when it came to casual sex, knowing yourself made all the difference. “I do think it is possible to emotionally distance oneself to avoid being hurt,” Coil said. “I don’t think that it is possible for all people. Some people start to get emotionally attached after a certain amount of time together no matter their initial intentions.” — Edited by Emily McCoy
What do you think? What does ‘hooking up’ mean to you? by Hannah wise
Sammi Golden Chicago freshman “Anything from a kiss to anything after that.”
Amy Van Wichita sophomore “It is being physically intimate with someone like kissing or making out."
Jerron Ashby Kansas City, Kan., freshman “It has to be sex. It just depends on who says it, like if an old person says it, it could mean something else.”
Ashton Capps Wichita freshman “More than making out.”
Grant Bingham Edmond, Okla., freshman “A short-term relationship.”
KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010 /
SEX ON THE HILL / 7
identity
Beyond gay, straight and bisexual Pansexuals connect sexually, emotionally with individuals across the gender spectrum r/K
e alm nP
By Jessie Blakeborough
[email protected]
Every teenager feels misunderstood at some point. For Emily, this held a little more truth. While her peers were arguing for later curfews, Emily, a KU student who did not want her full name used because she is not out to her parents, was questioning bigger issues. She understood early
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how you feel before you can even put a label on it,” Emily said. Because pansexuality is a relatively new term, it causes a lot of misunderstanding in both gay and straight communities. Most commonly it is often confused with bisexuality, which is the attraction to both male and female genders; “bi” meaning two. Pansexuality differs in that it focuses on certain characteristics, or emotional connections that can be found regardless of gender identity or biological sex. Pansexuals have the capability to become sexually, emotionally or spiritually attracted to all genders. “Bisexuality is very black and white. But for me, it’s anything. It doesn’t matter what the outside is,” Emily said. Some pansexuals claim to be gender blind or neutral. This
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on that she did not fit into society’s “conventional” molds. It wasn’t until high school that Emily was able to categorize her feelings, and even then she wasn’t sure if anyone would understand her. Emily is not gay. She is pansexual. The four best known groups of sexuality are heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality and transsexualism. However, not everyone fits into these groups, and there is little education regarding pansexuality. Emily experienced a similar disconnect growing up and it was years before she was introduced to the term. “It is really interesting to know
means that gender does not factor into attraction or sexual desire in potential mates. Pansexuals can be attracted to women, men, transgendered, androgynous or gender-fluid people. Emily says most people assume she is too embarrassed to admit she is bisexual or gay when she tells them she is pansexual. “People don’t have to understand my sexuality, I know what it is to me,” Emily said. Problems Emily runs into after explaining her sexuality often involve women thinking she is hitting on them, and past boyfriends assuming she will cheat with women. “A straight girl is not attracted to every guy she sees just like I am not attracted to everything with two legs,” Emily said. Queers & Allies President Sara Thompson jokes that the
acronym LGBTQQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer and Questioning) is becoming more like alphabet soup with each new term. She reminds people to be comfortable with themselves and their sexuality in whatever way they deem to express it. “The most important thing about your sense of self is being honest with yourself,” Thompson said. “You can label yourself whatever you want as long as you truly believe that the chosen label is for you. That being said, don’t over think labels.” Emilysuggeststhatpansexuality could hold more insight for the straight community than the gay community since members of the gay community already admit to being attracted to members of the same sex. “If anyone has ever had crush on somebody of their same
gender and has thought, ‘Man I wish they weren’t a girl/guy’, you should really think about what pansexuality is,” Emily said. “Gender shouldn’t matter, if you feel like you want to be with someone then you should.” Language will always create barriers. Terms can often be manipulated and context can be misinterpreted. Instead of addressing complex issues, people tend to avoid them to keep from being offensive. “To me it’s always been like people did not understand, so pansexuality has almost been a taboo word, but now that it is being discussed I hope that it helps people who are struggling with their identity figure it out,” Emily said. — Edited by David Cawthon
health
Morning-after pill widely available for emergencies By Allison Bond
[email protected]
721 MASS next to Buffalo Bob’s 856-Brew (2739)
Target Plan B One Step: $39.41 Next Choice: $24.78 Walmart Plan B One Step: $51.52 Next Choice: $43.79 Dillons Plan B One Step: $52.59 Next Choice: $38.39 Walgreens Plan B One Step: $41.99 Next Choice: $44.99 Watkins Health Center Plan B One Step: $24.99 Does not offer Next Choice
Photo illustration Dalton Gomez/KANSAN
Emergency contraception reduces the chances of pregnacy after unprotected sex or if another method of contraception fails. Plan B and the generic Next Choice are available at most pharmacies. tool to avoid an unplanned pregnancy,” Gillooly said. However, Plan B should only be used in emergency situations such as condom breakage and never as a first line of birth control, health officals say. “We believe Plan B should be used as a back-up plan and not as a regular birth control,” Gillooly said. “It is important to remember and realize that it is a high dose of the same hormones contained in a woman’s monthly pack of birth control pills.”
it will not affect an existing pregnancy. The sooner Plan B One Step is taken the more effective it is in preventing pregnancy for occuring. It is most effective if taken within 24 hours. “Plan B can be a really valuable
— Edited by Abbey Strusz
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